aaaaand i'm back to eating antidepressants again.

i also got prescribed a low dose of another antidepressant to help me sleep - i really hope it does help because my sleep has been shit for a long while now and melatonin has made no difference no matter how strong the dosage.

6-27-2022

Well I might as well start with the news dominating the United States right now -- the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade on Friday, June 24th. I am frustrated and disgusted and irritated and pissed the fuck off! A few weeks ago, some guy was arrested for plotting to kill Brett Kavanaugh, one of the conservative justices on the Supreme Court. I really, really wish he would have gone through with his plan, instead of calling 911 to report himself beforehand. He would have certainly been a hero in my eyes if Kavanaugh was killed, or any other conservative justice on the court for that matter. I fear for all of the girls and women in the United States affected by this SCOTUS ruling. In Missouri, where we only had one abortion clinic anyway, had a trigger law that took effect as soon as the ruling was released. Now all abortions are illegal except in cases where the life of the mother is in jeopardy. There are no exceptions for rape and/or incest. My main question is if mental health/mental illness and threats/plans for suicide included in the life of the mother exception? I'm sure it is not, but it certainly should be. After all, mental health is just as important as physical health. Sometimes more so. In China, they used to force abortion on some of their female citizens. It was called the "One Child Policy" because most families were limited to having only one child. If a married woman became pregnant a second (or even third or fourth time), the government of China forced her to abort. My friend, Cindy, always said if a country can force abortions on their citizens, it could happen anywhere. And she's exactly right. However, here in the United States we are having forced pregnancies, which is equally as cruel. I am still in shock from Friday's ruling. The anti-abortion activists are celebrating, but they want to go further and outlaw abortion across the country. And sure, they can make it illegal, but abortions will still happen. They will just be less safe. You can only outlaw SAFE abortion, which really upsets me. And in Justice Clarence Thomas' opinion on Roe v. Wade alluded to going further and wants to eventually overturn the right to contraception and same-sex marriage. Which is completely ridiculous and outrageous. Constitutionalists are also celebrating because this ruling kicks the decisions back to individual states. But abortion should not be regulated at either the federal, state, or even local level. It shouldn't be a law at all. What other medical procedures have laws besides abortion and gender-affirming care (in some states). Are vasectomies regulated by law? No. Are cancer treatments regulated by law? No. Are treatments for diabetes regulated by law? No. These are all protected by privacy between the patient and his/her/their doctor. Doctors make an oath to "do no harm." If being pregnant or carrying a baby is harmful in ANY way to the mother, the fetus should be aborted. And I'm not speaking of just physical harm, I also mean financial harm, social harm, mental harm, etc, etc. Abortion should be available to any woman on demand, at any time for any reason. Full stop.

I had a really good birthday last week. I didn't win anything at the casino, but I played for about two hours on $100.00, which is good. Sometimes I can lose that amount in less than 20 minutes. After the casino, Jeremy and I went to eat at 54th Street. We had mushrooms as an appetizer, and then I got a club sandwich with waffle fries and their famous gringo dip. Jeremy got a ribeye and asparagus. I had a free dessert for my birthday on their phone app, so we split a salted caramel brownie with vanilla bean ice cream. It was so f'ing good. I didn't do much the rest of the day except veg out in front of the television, which was perfectly okay with me.

Friday we went to Brookfield. My mom was having a garage sale, so I helped with that. Holly, Angela and Cassidy helped as well. We all spent the night at mom's house, and she said she couldn't remember the last time the three of us sisters had done that. I couldn't remember either. Saturday was Jeremy's grandma's funeral. She died a few months ago, but they put off her memorial service until this weekend. They started with graveside services, where they had a pastor say a few things, and then some family members told stories about her. Then they buried her urn after putting both a cigarette and lighter in it (I loved that part). It was so f'ing hot that sweat was running down my forehead and into my eyes. Then it started raining, and then the bees came out. There were f'ing bees everywhere. Also, a boy at the funeral threw up after getting overheated. So, I went back to the car because I was feeling very anxious. After we left the cemetery, we went to the Sumner Community Center for a luncheon. However, I stayed in the car the whole entire time. I was crying, and I did not want to be around any people. It was so hot, I kept having to turn the car on to get some air-conditioning so I wouldn't hyperventilate. Jeremy and I then went to mom's house, packed our things and left. All I wanted was to be back in my own house with my kitties -- my safe space.

I had told Shelby I was thinking about going to my friend, Ace's, memorial get-together at the Muny Inn yesterday afternoon, and she said she would think about going. She messaged me yesterday to say she would come, but I told her I was way to depressed to do anything. She understood, and I'm glad she did. I'm trying to be more honest about when I'm being affected by my mental illness instead of making up elaborate excuses. I shouldn't have to do that at all, and I'm not sure why I ever did that in the past. Perhaps because I wanted to seem more "normal."

Jeremy and I binge-watched the show Upload on Prime all day yesterday. I made spaghetti and he made tacos. We also ate some leftover spice cake my mom had made me for my birthday. And I also ate leftover butterscotch bars that Holly made for me. Good thing Jeremy doesn't like those -- more for me! Not sure what, if anything, we are doing today. He is still on vacation until Wednesday night.

Oh, I forgot to mention that we finally fucking sold the Brookfield house. We didn't get as much as I wanted for it, but I would have sold it for a dollar just to get rid of it! Ha! So now I get to pay some of my credit cards off and pay other bills, which I am very happy about.

I hope today is a good day. I need one. Until then...

Emergency Department vs Urgent Care vs Primary Care vs DIY

Disclaimer: This post is meant to be informative and it’s wording often assumes that you have access to all of the above as choices. We do, however, understand that the US healthcare system sucks, rural areas exist, lack of insurance is a thing, unexpected things happen, and unfortunately sometimes we don’t get all that much of a choice in where we seek our healthcare. If you need healthcare, please seek the healthcare you can access, even if that means using the emergency department for things that are not emergencies.

Also, please get your healthcare advice someplace besides tumblr.

If the above statement confused you, congratulations- you live in a place with reasonable healthcare. If you nodded right along with it, I’m very sorry to say you live in the United States of America, where pressures outside the severity of illness are often in play when deciding where and when to seek care for medical problems. Things like whether care will be available to you without insurance (or with any certain insurance plan) and, if you can actually get care with the coverage (or lack of coverage) you may have, whether the price for that care will be something you can afford.

Hopefully, not only will this post tell you a little about the options available to you and what problems they’re most designed to take care of, but also give you a few tips and tricks for getting the care you need in a way that works both for the system providing the care and does not literally bankrupt you.

When to go to the Emergency Department:

An emergency department is a part of the hospital. It is equipped and staffed to respond to the most emergent and life-threatening medical problems. It is designed to perform an initial evaluation of the patient, provide stabilizing care, and determine whether the patient should be admitted to the hospital for continuing care, or be referred to their primary care doctor for follow up. Patients are seen in order of severity, which can cause very long wait times for those who are otherwise stable.

Go to the Emergency Department for something that would either A, cause you to die without medical care, or B, requires a level of testing capabilities/care that is not possible outside of a hospital.

Things that could kill you or cause permanent disability without medical care:

Difficulty breathing

Chest pain

Uncontrollable bleeding

Seizures that last longer than 5 minutes, or stop and start without the patient going back to “baseline” in-between

Severe allergic reaction/anaphylaxis

Suicidal ideation with plan or inability to care for self due to mental health problem

Loss of consciousness

Poisoning

Spinal injury

Stroke symptoms

Severe trauma (car accident, gunshot wound, etc...)

Large burns

High fevers that don’t go down after taking over the counter medications

Things that require a higher level of testing capabilities and/or care than could be provided elsewhere:

First-time seizure or sudden onset of unexplained neurological symptoms like confusion

Abdominal pain

Broken bones (with obvious deformity or protruding from skin)

Coughing up blood

Head injury

Swallowing a foreign object

Severe dehydration

Active labor

Burns covering more than about a hand-size area

A US law called EMTALA (Emergency Medical Treatment and Active Labor Act) makes it illegal for an emergency department to refuse care to someone who is experiencing a medical emergency, regardless of their ability to pay. This does not cover continuing care, however, just the initial stabilizing care, and the patient will still get billed.

If you go to the ED and get billed, and you are under 400% of the federal poverty level, call the hospital and ask to speak with a financial counselor. They will often be able to write off part or all of you bill and set up a payment plan if needed so your account does not go into collections.

When to go to Urgent Care:

Urgent care is a lower level of care than an emergency department, but an urgent care often has things like x-ray machines, EKG machines, and an on-site lab. They can also do minor procedures like casting, inserting a catheter, removing a small/minor foreign body, and giving IV fluids. Urgent care clinics can be expensive without insurance and may or may not have the same ability as a hospital to write off unaffordable bills. I would always recommend calling ahead to make sure they take your insurance.

Go to an urgent care if you need primary care services outside of normal primary care hours or if your primary care office cannot see you soon enough for your needs. They often do not require you to call ahead or make an appointment. You can go to an urgent care for things that require a slightly higher level of care than a primary care office, but are not immediately life threatening.

Things like:

Broken bones (without obvious deformity), dislocations, and sprains

Sinus, ear, and eye infections

Minor allergic reactions

Cuts, burns, large splinters

Bronchitis, pneumonia, mild-moderate COPD and asthma exacerbations

Nausea/Vomiting/Diarrhea/Dehydration

Fevers

Rashes

Sports or occupational physicals (if you don’t have a primary care physician)

Doctor’s notes for work or school (if required same day as call-off)

When to see your Primary Care Physician:

If at all possible, you should have a primary care physician (PCP). If you don’t have insurance, find one that offers a sliding scale, meaning you only pay what you can afford based on your income and household size. PCPs are especially important if you have any ongoing medical or mental health needs, but most younger, otherwise healthy folks will still need their PCP for routine/sports/job-related physicals, screenings, medical documentation, referrals if necessary, and vaccinations. It will greatly help in the long run to keep up on these things. Swearsies.

PCP offices require an appointment, but many have some same- or next-day openings for acute medical conditions that need prompter evaluation. Many offices now offer virtual visits as well, either over the phone or through a videoconferencing platform.

Primary care offices offer care for:

Physicals (sports, annual, job etc...)

Chronic disease (diabetes, hypertension, heart failure, COPD, asthma, etc...) monitoring and ongoing care (meds and med changes, referrals to specialists, etc...)

Screenings and tests (blood pressure, diabetes, TB, strep, basic bloodwork, urinalysis etc...)

Vaccines

Prescription refills

Sinus, ear, and eye infections

Minor allergic reactions

Mental healthcare (some offer counseling services, many are comfortable prescribing medications for things like anxiety, depression, insomnia, and ADHD)

Impacted earwax

Birth control, including implants and IUDs

Cuts, burns, large splinters

Bronchitis, flu, pneumonia, etc...

Nausea/Vomiting/Diarrhea

Fevers

Rashes

Sprains/strains

When to DIY:

Sometimes you have a problem you’re pretty sure you can deal with on your own. This is a different level of comfort for everybody, and I would always recommend you reach out for help if you’re having a problem you’ve never had before or if you’re uncomfortable. Do not DIY purely for financial reasons.

Many larger hospital systems and insurance companies have a nurse triage phone number, where you can speak with a nurse who can direct you in self care or recommend you go to one of the above options. These are often 24/7 and free to use.

If you have a PCP, you can also often call their office or ask a question through an online portal like MyChart. This is also generally a free service.

Common DIY medical situations:

Minor sprains/strains

Colds

Splinters/small cuts/scrapes/bruises

Minor allergies

Infrequent, mild headaches

Two doctor’s appointments today

First one is because I might have something called Marfan Syndrome; after a week of processing that it’s less scary. It’s got a bunch of weird symptoms, like super long fingers and hyperflexible joints and stuff. Those things don’t bother me, but if I do have it it might mean I have heart problems too, so I should have it checked. Had my second phone consult with a doctor today and he said he’s not sure I have it (likely at least in part because I’m fairly short and people with Marfan’s are usually really tall), can’t even make an educated guess without seeing me in person, but that I do show some signs and I should have an ultrasound done on my heart. Thankfully I’ve maxed out my out-of-pocket expenses for insurance, so hopefully it should be free. They’ll call me soon with an appointment. Worst case scenario, probably the only thing that will change will be another daily pill and a yearly checkup with a cardiologist

Second one was with a new therapist. I actually got a really good vibe from him, I was a lot more comfortable than I usually am with therapists and he wasn’t super clinical. He specializes in trauma (which is why I got referred to him) and is trained in EMDR working on his certification. I don’t know a ton about EMDR, but I’m willing to try it and maybe finally deal with all the garbage that’s been piled on over the past couple decades. He’s expensive too, so I’m going to have to apply for Medicaid before the year’s over and my insurance stops paying for everything (getting a six-month free trial of universal healthcare /j)

I was also very straightforward about my negative experiences with being sectioned with this new therapist, and after hearing my laundry list of comically bad experiences with the mental healthcare system, as well as since he’s literally a trauma therapist and knows my experience was somewhat traumatic, I feel somewhat safe that he’s not going to call the cops on me (my main deterrent with therapy). I hit a lot of the highlights of Things That Messed Me Up in this first session and he said he thinks EMDR would be really helpful for me. I can’t say I’m necessarily hopeful - I think hope might’ve run out after the third mental health professional - but I’m willing to try, and that’s enough for now

Better (Reddie)- Part One

Also available on my wattpad here (ao3 coming soon): https://my.w.tt/ctR7a0grI5

RATING: PG-13 lol

PAIRING: Reddie

WORD COUNT: 1621

Trigger warnings: depictions of eating disorders

When Eddie Kaspbrak is diagnosed with anorexia, he is sent to the painfully cheesy Sunflower Meadows Clinic to “get better”, where he meets the incredibly charismatic Richie Tozier and the rest of the Losers Club. A story of recovery, friendship, loss, and love. 

Let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list! 

Eddie Kaspbrak sat alone at lunch. Again. Not like that was anything out of the ordinary for him. Maybe it would have been, several months ago. But now? The empty seats surrounding him were part of the routine. He welcomed it. Eddie preferred solitude.

The loud cacophony of the cafeteria blurred into a nonsensical blend of high school chatter and the hum of the machines as the staff hurriedly prepared for the round of hungry teenagers that would file into the cafeteria after this bunch cleared out. Why hadn't Eddie gone to the library? It would be so much quieter there. Eddie knew why, though. He truly didn't think he could make it, as silly as it sounded. The library was all the way on the other side of the school, and Eddie was exhausted. He needed to conserve energy. After all, he had a bio test next hour.

Eddie stared at the textbook on the table in front of him, occupying the space where a lunch was meant to go. Of course, that space had been empty for quite a while as well. Not as long as the seats around him had stood empty, but long enough.

It had been a long time since he'd last eaten. And it'd been even longer since he'd last had a proper meal. How long was he going on? It was a few days at least. Eddie had sworn off food. He could eat again once the stomach fat was gone. Which, at this rate, it looked like it would be quite a while.

He was so close to being healthy. So close to finally being incomparable to his mother, the dreaded Sonia Kaspbrak. But the fat was still there. Whenever Eddie managed to get rid of fat in one place, it would show up someplace new. Someplace that was so glaringly obvious, that he'd wonder how he'd managed to overlook it before. Edward Kaspbrak was far from perfect. But he could get there. He would get there. Or he'd die trying.

Eddie couldn't remember when it all began.

Was it during health class, when the teacher warned against the dangers of obesity? Or could it have been one of his interactions with his mother- the ones where afterwards, he sobbed into his pillow and vowed never to be like her. Maybe it was when Greta Keene had laughed loudly when seeing the insane amount of food his mother packed in his lunch.

("I can't have my Eddie-kins going hungry, I just can't bear it!" Sonia would screech as she piled snacks into his already bulging lunchbag)

The brown paper sack she gave him each morning usually ended up somewhere in the bushes on his route to school. He felt bad about the waste of food, sure. But it was better than facing the barrage of questions Eddie would get if he brought home an untouched meal.

That would get him busted for sure.

He'd gotten the whole thing down to a science. He came home late, when his mother was already sitting in front of the television, usually passed out. He would get a glass of water, and go directly up to his room. It was easy enough to avoid dinner. Not like he was missing anything- Sonia Kaspbrak was only able to cook various casseroles.

The bell rang, almost breaking him out of his mental fog.

Eddie stood up too fast. The room began spinning like the tilt-a-whirl at the Derry summer fair, and he leaned forward, attempting to steady himself. He missed the table though, and immediately crashed down to the floor, his head hitting the hard linoleum floor with a thwack. Someone- probably Greta, that attention whore- screamed.

And then it all went black.

----------------------------------------------------

Sonia Kaspbrak sat in a hospital room, her son lying comatose in the bed, and a doctor standing across from her.

"What do you mean, he's underweight? He's perfectly healthy! Besides his asthma, of course. I feed my Eddie very, very well." The woman squawked, trying to defend her parenting skills. Sonia always put Eddie at the top of her priority list- where had she gone wrong?

"Well, ma'am, the tests show that your son is severely malnourished. His nutrient levels aren't up to par, and his heart is beating slower than it should be. He will need to have his vitals monitored for a few days, at least." The doctor spoke smoothly, having had to deal with Sonia since the day Eddie was born. He made his way out of the room, telling the flustered woman that he would be back later to discuss a future course of action.

The voices stirred Eddie out of his deep sleep, waking up to Sonia's hot breath in his face, an orchestra of beeping machines creating a symphony around him.

"Eddie! Oh, my dear Eddie-kins. Are you alright? What happened? As soon as the school called me, I demanded they send you to the hospital. Only the best care for my Eddie. I came as soon-"

Sonia's incessant screeching was cut off by a woman in a white coat entering the room.

"Edward Kaspbrak?" The woman's voice was calming and practical. Eddie simply nodded to confirm his identity, too confused by the unfamiliar surroundings to say much. Only one minute ago, he'd been in the stuffy cafeteria of Derry High School.

"And I'm assuming you're his mother-" The woman began, but was cut off.

"Yes. I'm Sonia Kaspbrak. Who are you? You aren't his normal doctor." Eddie's mother sniffed, shooting a glare at the other woman.

"I'm Dr. Krynn. My full name is Stacy Krynn. And, full disclosure, I don't actually work here." The woman- Dr. Krynn- smiled, making crinkles form around her eyes. With her salt and pepper hair and sun kissed skin, she looked like someone who smiled a lot.  

"WHAT? I demand that a real doctor is sent in this room IMMEDIATELY!" Sonia's face had grown red with anger, vaguely reminding Eddie of an Angry Bird.

"I'm still a real doctor, ma'am. I just work at a different kind of facility," Dr. Krynn cleared her throat. "See, I'm from the Sunflower Meadows Clinic, in Massachusetts. I was here to do some post-stay checkups with some patients, and the hospital also alerted me about your son's case."

Eddie had heard about Sunflower Meadows. He didn't know very much, but he knew enough. They specialized in teens there. Teens who were crazy. And Eddie Kaspbrak definitely was not crazy.

"I'm sure Eddie's doctors have already told you that he is severely underweight, and his heart is beating much slower than normal. They have good reason to believe your son is struggling with an eating disorder- I recommend that he comes to the clinic as soon as possible."

"MY Eddie? Anorexic? That can't be- I take such good care of him! And only girls starve themselves- my Eddie is perfectly healthy!" His mother protested beside him. "Besides, Massachusetts is just so far away. I simply couldn't bear to be so far away from him!"

"Mrs. Kaspbrak-" Dr. Krynn began.

"It's Ms. Kaspbrak."

"Ms. Kaspbrak, at the end of the day, it is your decision.  But Edward will need some sort of monitoring, as he is considered at risk. That can be here, or at the Juniper Hill Asylum. But Sunflower Hills is designed for children like your son, and I'm confident he would receive the best care there," Dr. Krynn took some brightly colored pamphlets out of her lab coat pocket and handed them to Sonia. "Feel free to look these over, and if you decide it's a yes, our phone number is on the back."

As the doctor exited, Sonia Kaspbrak turned towards Eddie with tears in her eyes.

"Are they right, Eddie-bear? Have you been-" She sniffed, and Eddie could hear the snot in her nose. "Starving yourself?"

Eddie thought for a moment.

"No mommy. I'm not."

"Stop lying! I know you're lying. Oh, I'm an idiot for not seeing sooner. You must think I'm a horrible mother." Sonia cried, and Eddie watched her shake.

"No I don't." (Yes I do)

"Well.. I guess there's only one answer then, hm? You'll have to- you'll have to go to that clinic that Dr. Krynn was talking about." She sniffled, looking like a helpless puppy.

"No! Mommy, you can't send me there. It's for crazy people. I'm not crazy!" Eddie protested, all of the alarm bells going off in his head, his gut filling with fear. He couldn't go. What if people at school found out? What if they made him gain weight? Eddie would have to go back to school fat, and even more of an outcast than he'd already been. "Please don't make me go."

"I have to, Eddie. You have to get better." His mother's bottom lip trembled, and Eddie knew his fate had been sealed. There was no use arguing with it.

"Yes mommy." Eddie whispered, and Sonia immediately burst into hysterics, pulling her precious "Eddie-bear" to her bosom.

A few days passed, a couple phone calls were made. And then it was official- Eddie would begin his "recovery"  at Sunflower Meadows as soon as possible. Preferably by next week.

In the meantime, Eddie spent his days flipping through the pamphlets and looking at the website on his phone. Everything was brightly colored and full of stock images of kids smiling so wide it looked like it hurt. Barf. Eddie was certain this place was full of hippies who wouldn't be able to do anything to help him.

It was relieving to know that he should be able to carry on as normal.

Anonymous submitted:

for tash again pls from https://aplaceforthesoul.tumblr.com/post/620183874016870400/anonymous-submitted-from

i’m really sorry that i keep hammering on about this but some days im ok and i thought im getting over it but sometimes like today it all comes in waves and i’m overwhelmed with sadness and cry about it again and i dont know where else to turn because i dont really have friends and my family expected me to be over it.

i used to have a friend who is still working there (lets call her C). we bonded bcs we’re from the same country, on the same visa, and the same age, although she’s been working there longer than i have. our visas expire around the same time, and we both had spent a lot of time together worried about what to do about it (we wanted permanent residency, but it’s not easy) so we talked about maybe going to regional australia and study something else, maybe we’ll just return home, and we can live together. we bonded over how we were not getting paid, our toxic employers, etc.

C came to australia as a student, on her own, and started working at this restaurant years ago, when it once was a small takeaway shop, before it reopened in a bigger place - thats when i joined the team. in some way, the original boss had acted as a sort of maternal figure to C, who is obviously far away from her family, and she is also epileptic. so the boss had done things like fetch her to and from the airport, the clinic, advice for living in the country, etc. and somehow, in this employer’s twisted mind, she thinks it is then ok to treat C like free help for her shop rather than an employee because she had done all this for her. so instead of paying C properly, as well as paying her super and everything else an employer should do, she finds it ok to abuse C by paying her whenever she likes, screaming at her for not answering her phone, overworking her, etc.

and C has on numerous occasions complained to me about the abuse she went through. she clearly doesnt like the boss, as on numerous occasions she had brought up the idea of reporting the business, she complains about the work, not being paid and the difficulty it had caused her and flat out said doesnt like the working conditions. BUT. if u were to ask her about the NICE things the boss has done for her, she changes her tone. she boasts about the GOOD things the boss has done for her like the flowers for her birthday - the pictures of her holding the bouquet is her profile pic everywhere, and how the boss takes care of her during an epilepsy episode - (and then put her to work the next night.)  i’ve always thought it was weird , but never questioned her more about it. soon after the fallout with the two bosses, i was on the phone with her. i was crying bc i was distressed about the change, and she said: “we are the children, and they are the adults. if the business fails, it fails. let them deal with it. we’ll just carry on our work."

we were talking everyday after that just before i realised i had gotten fired. our last conversation was in february, on the phone, when we were talking about hanging out after work. and suddenly, everything dropped. i realised i had been let go from work, and suspect that the boss had told C not to talk to me anymore. i know C had extended her visa by changing to a student visa, to study cooking, because the boss said she would sponsor her if she did that. she went to study with borrowed money from her family (since she isnt getting paid nearly enough to even pay her rent smh) which is something she told me she didnt want to do. like i dont understand that at all.

what a shit show huh.

now C is not returning my messages. in fact i saw her at the shopping mall just last week. my first instinct was to go up and speak to her, until she spotted me, stopped in her tracks, and went the other direction. i truly did not expect her to be the one to turn her back on me, after everything we’ve been through.

my visa is supposed to expire next month, but after the lockdown my family and i decided that it is the best decision to stay put in australia for the time being. so i applied for a visitor’s visa for a year. the form asked for proof that i had stopped working, in the form of payslips or contract, both of which i dont have, obviously. but i submitted it anyway so now im still waiting on my application.

it just baffles me how one bad employment and two incompetent bosses had fucked up my life this bad. i cant apply for anymore work in australia, so i have no income, the only other person who understood my situation is now gone, now im just waiting until its safe to leave the country. sitting at home, doing nothing but mulling over how i had lost my job, lost my best friend, lost the opportunity to do my masters, and leave the country i had lived in for this long.

im trying not to think about it anymore but its like half a year later and its still causing me grief but nobody knows or gets it.

anyway. sorry that this is long winded i just need to vent. you’re amazing tash, if only i could borrow your residency while you’re in the uk.

hey again <3 yeah getting permanent residency in australia is a nightmare, australia’s government is mostly anti-immigration which makes me sad. 

I can honestly understand why you’re still thinking about this and being negatively impacted by it all, the job gave you hope of completing your masters and staying longer in the country? and hope is a very powerful emotion! to then have it all taken away in such a brutal and unfair and cruel way...well that would affect anyone pretty badly. add in the fact that the ending of the job has created a lot of other negative situations and distress? it makes a lot of sense about why you’re still upset over this. 

this business needs to be reported, honestly what they’re doing is cruel and illegal. it’s quite clear that they are using the promise of sponsoring study as a way to manipulate vulnerable people into underpaid work, it’s also now very clear that they have no intention of following through on that promise -- it’s now become a pattern of behaviour if they did it with C as well as you. they shouldn’t be allowed to continue to operate and to profit off the backs of immigrants and illegal wages. you’re the one who’s suffered, it’s up to you whether you do want to do this? but I would think a lot about it -- I know you mentioned that your parents are close with the owners, but this isn’t ok.

I think all you can do now is put this behind you, accept the reality of the situation and try to be as kind to yourself as you can. spend time looking after yourself, practising self care, prioritising you and your well-being. maybe that means daily exercise and walks, or creating art (clay, painting, drawing?), or spending time gardening, or practising yoga / meditation, whatever works for you. as long as it’s calming and relaxing for you, and you find some measure of peace? then that’s what matters. 

know that what happened to you wasn’t right, it wasn’t your fault at all. you were exploited and taken advantage of, and you didn’t deserve that. try to keep yourself busy as best as you can, take it one day at a time. make a conscious decision to work on letting this go and looking forward, see how things go. I think right now is the hardest bit, because you’re kinda stuck in limbo and there’s lockdown / social distancing measures to deal with too? but once you get moving again and things change, it may have a more positive impact on your mental health when you’re being kept busy again and you have a change of environment. 

I’m glad you were able to vent and get this off your chest, I hope you’re able to find some peace and acceptance moving forward xxx

- tash

VALERIE III

People in Twitter are twitting about a video of Val’s reaction when she saw Shawn and Camila, she received mixed comments about her reaction.

Her parents are really protective about her, even her siblings mostly Vernon. Her Dad and Mom doesn’t understand what’s happening between them, they all thought that Shawn is gonna be Valerie’s forever.

Of course Shawn saw the video. He’s not stupid, he knows that he’s hurting Val.

He also saw the message Valerie send him but he didn’t read the it because he knows he cannot stop himself on answering back.

He loves Valerie so much, but he has to do this.

When he first play the video the first came to his mind is that Valerie looks so pretty, very pretty. Valerie isn’t really like those blonde, long legged, orange tan (well she is tan but not oramge tan). She looks like a goddess. She’s perfect.

Then he saw Vernon from the background, Shawn gets along well with Valerie’s family well but Vernon is the hardest one to get along. He is scared genuinely of Vernon.

The time when Brian told him that Valerie broke up with him, he excused himself on sound check saying he wasn’t feeling well. He went back to his hotel and cried holding Valerie sweater in his chest.

He cried for the half of the day. He only went out when it’s Q&A.

He really wants to fix this but he can’t, it’s too fucked up to be fixed. He feels so powerless.

-

Valerie feels awful when she got back home.

She didn’t ate dinner instead she spend her whole evening, well half of it, on the gym boxing with Vernon is a good exercise but she did her exercises alone, she did it without a trainer while Vernon does cardio. Actually she didn’t even do her exercises, she just keeps punching the punching bag until her knuckles bleed, until they severely bleed. Her mom has to take her to the nearest clinic to aid her bloody knuckles.

“Val, you’re knuckles are going to bleed if you keep doing this. Stop it you’re hurting yourself.” Vernon tried reasoning with Valerie, growing more and more concerned about her and her new obsession with puching the punching bag carelessly.

“No, it’s either I ruined this punching bag or I do more stupider sh!t than this.” Valerie’s voice is quiet and cold, She always had a my-voice-is-so-soft-and-I-will-not-raise-my-voice-on-anyone-bc-that’s-rude-attitude.

“Can you at least where gloves, hand wrap is not enough you know.” Vernon reminder her.

Valerie didn’t listen and brought her fists close to her face, finding her aim and released all of her pent up anger, frustrations and pain out through quick, sharp punches, showing no mercy on the already worn punching bag wanting to release all the pain she felt in the past few weeks. Sweat glistened every inch of her body, especially in her face.

Vernon can’t even distinguish if that even is sweat or tears, her curly hair sticking to her back, arms and all angles of her face.

Val could her Vernon stopping her in the background but she didn’t listen.

Soon the punching bag falls from where it’s hanging. And Valerie knuckles are bleeding.

“Dammit Valerie! You’re bleeding! Mom!” Vernon shouts.

Ever since Val and Shawn broke up Vernon is more over-protective of Val.

She really wants to go back to Toronto, but Toronto has too much memories for her to handle. She wishes that Bella and Gigi are here with her. She’s lucky enough to have a thought, loving and caring Anwar Hadid by her side.

Gigi, Bella and Anwar (even though they live near), Aaliyah, Ana, Lauren and Dylan (her friends back home), Kiera and Darius (her dorm mates) are texting her everyday saying that everything gonna be alright and Shawn’s a dick.

She can’t wait to go back to Massachusetts and receive pity looks. Insert sarcasm.

She just needs to wait few more days until they are schedule free.

Valerie hadn’t spoken to anyone since they came back from downtown Los Angles (besided her mom and Vernon who approach her). She is currently laying in her king sized bed.

Staring at the clock, watching it tick by. 11 o’clock in the night, she should be asleep by now but her mind is somewhere far away. Far away from all this drama and chaos that is currently happening in her life.

Sobbing her heart out. Puffy eyes and runny nose are they best description of Valerie right now. Maybe a fever in the morning too.

She never wanted to end their relationship like this. To be honest they can survive this relationship, Valerie is just tired of being treated like this.

Don’t get me wrong, Shawn’s a great boyfriend but he focuses on his career more than their relationship.

People though they are perfect for each other. She thought that Shawn will be THE ONE. Her grandparents from her mother and father’s side already met and approve of Shawn even the ones who live in Florence.

She genuinely believe that they are ment to be together but jealousy got her. Her insecurities got her.

Her heart still aches profoundly with pain. She miss her so much but it’s so unfair that he moved in that quickly.

Valerie, Shawn and Camila are trending right now. Everything seems so chaotic. Her sobs still fills her big room.

Instagram stans are making up the craziest sh!ts right, some makes her laugh and some are true that makes her cry hard.

@queenval

@queenval to be honest val is the greatest thing that ever happend to shawn. i love shawn sm but he stupid!!

50,234 likes

Shawn is the greatest thing that ever happend to her.

Shawn’s fans been calling him out because of his stupid moves. Many of her fans are still supporting Valerie even if they are not together anymore.

Valerie shakily reaches for her phone she usually listens to His music when she’s sad, but at this state listening to His music will make her more sad than ever.

Malibu Nights by LANY played. Is it ironic that she is listening to Malibu Nights heartbroken and she really wants to go to Malibu. Its just a 40 minute car ride. She can survive right?

She brought a beach house recently somewhere in Pacific Coast Highway. She brought it the exact day Shawn left Canada to continue his tour, Valerie brought the house because when she will visit Shawn on his tour this will be their hiding place.

People say that Valerie have it all; Brains, Beauty, Wealth but everything means nothing if you aren’t happy right?

Decided to spent the rest of her days in Malibu. Valerie picked this big ass box that has been sent to her by a company. She didn’t even bother to read what company it is all she knows that is a clothing company. Few shoes, hoodies and her underwears on her bag.

She dressed herself into a pair of jeans and a shirt, hoodie on her arm incase she’ll needs it.

Everyone is asleep so this should be the perfect time to sneak out, she closed her room door quietly as she held the big box on her hands, struggling to balance it and keys and a Gucci bagpack filled with he laptop, personal needs, medicines and this tiny vape pen she got from Anwar.

Valerie isn’t the type of girl who does wild stuffs, stuff like normal teenagers do. Maybe that’s the reason why they broke up, she’s too boring for him.

Well now that they are over, Valerie wants to do the things she didn’t do when they were together. Things teenagers would do.

Now she be vaping, she wants to have tattooes too. Val got a rose tattoo behind her ear on her 19th birthday. She wants to add more.

Valerie successfully got down from the 3rd floor, her room, to the ground floor.

She wants to do things that she hasn’t done yet. She opened her parents wine cellar and pulled out a bottle of Pinot Noir with a three bottles of beer and a big bottle of her father’s whiskey.

She didn’t really want to steal this alcoholic beverage but she know that many shops out there knows her and has a high possibility that they will post pictures about her underage and buying drinks.

She puts the bottles on her bag, wanting to go to Malibu quickly, she runs towards their garage, mentally kicking herself for having a loud foot steps.

For Valerie if is she’s sad or disappointed she chooses to be alone. Being with herself alone is always the best part of her day or best time of her day.

Valerie picked the black Mercedes-Benz G wagon.

She puts her things in the passengers seat and zoomed off to Malibu.

She felt tears start to form as the now familiar burn caused her to shut

her eyes for a moment and stop at the side of the expressway she like crying. For her crying is good for her mental health because crying can help reduce pain. Oxytocin is a hormone that promotes feelings of love and Endorphins help relieve pain. These two make people feel good and may also ease both physical and emotional pain.

But sometimes crying too much can also be bad for her, too much crying can lead to depression and she doesn’t want that. All she wants is to move on and live a happy life.

But moving on takes a lot of time.

The whole drive was quiet except for the radio and her quiet sobs.

She stopped on Target along the way to pick up some food for the next few days.

Valerie pulls up on the parking lot. The Californian cold wind creeps on her arm, regretting not wearing a hood and leaving it at the car.

Valerie pulls out the vape pen as she walks along the entrance of Target, she holds it to her mouth, tasting the vanilla flavored vape before releasing it. She lets out a deep sigh with some vapor leaving along her mouth and nose she continues this few times and stopping as she enters the shop.

She just pick up fruits for breakfast, pasta, vegetables and chicken for dinner, chocolate flavored milk, a gallon of water and eggs. She likes cooking, she doesn’t buy a lot of processed foods and microwaveble foods. She payed the cashier keeps giving her looks, is it because the cashier knows her or because she is the front page of one of the magazines on the counter.

“Is this you?” the cashier ask as she types something on the computer.

“Nope.” Valerie answers back as puts the goods she brought on a biodegradable bag and puts it back to the cart.

She walk back to her car and few teenagers curiously stares at her. She struggles to put the groceries on the car because it has a big tires and obviously a tall car competed to her 5’6 self.

She finally sees her house on the view.

Her gates open, headlights giving her the view of her house as well as the Pacific Ocean. The entryway features a reclaimed European fountain and big door that open to opulent interiors.

Her house looks so homey yet loney. She is used to go on a vacation with her family or family or with Shawn.

She inserts the keys while struggling to lift her heavy backpack filled with alcoholic drinks the big box and groceries she brought are stacked upon each other.

She enters her new house, she walks on the hardwood floors pushing the box with the groceries on top, she stares at vaulted ceiling and sees a Indian stone fireplace and custom designed sitting area.

For her, a house with a fireplace and a big couch is a must.

The balcony is a sliding door that has a view of the Malibu Coast.

Valerie finally fixed her clothes on her closet, turns out the box is from Gucci. Now she has a Gucci filled closet. Yey!

Her refrigerator is filled with groceries. Yey!

It’s already 12:34 am and she is still wide awake. She sits on her couch as she finds for her cell.

She looked everywhere, her hoodie, her bag, her car, on the closet even the refrigerator.

She left it on Bel Air. Yey!

She doesn’t have anything to do she she just drinks the alcohol she brought lol! Her TV still doesn’t have any channels and her house doesn’t have a wifi.

Valerie drinks the vodka shot in one gulp, ignoring the burning sensation in her throat caused by the strong liquor.

“I love you so much why did you do this to me!” she gulped the vodka down.

“I wish I didn’t love you! But I did I’m so stupid!” she gulped the other one.

“I don’t wanna date anyone anymore!” and another one.

Despite this, Valerie’s body feels more relaxed and her mind feels lighter and more problem free. It took her couple vodka shots for achieve this but it was worth it.

The bottle is nearly empty so she just decided to drink the bottle.

It’s a quarter past midnight. The buzz has worn off, now she is just dead ass drunk.

She miraculously arrived at her room, passing the stairs and remembering her room is a miracle.

As much as she wanted to sleep she washes her face and brushed her teeth and changes in a bougee Gucci pajama and sleep on her big bed with the view of the sea like a baby.

Alcohol can really make you forget everything temporarily even pain.

taglist:

@night-girls-world

@alinashawn

@feliciaceciliamariajacobsson

-

I FINALLY POSTED THIS. PLEASE LOVE ITT HEHEEH

A third-year student at the University of Toronto Mississauga campus says she was handcuffed by campus police while at the Health and Counselling Centre seeking help for suicidal thoughts.

The incident happened five days after a student died by suicide at the downtown campus on Sept. 27, and amid students voicing concerns about mental health services on campus.

The student says it left her feeling traumatized and feeling like a criminal.

"I felt like this was basically all my fault for coming to get help. I feel like that should be a thing that people should never feel when they ask for help," she said in an interview.

Due to the sensitive nature of the incident, CBC News is protecting the woman's identity.

The woman's friend, Anita Mozaffari, says she went with her to see a campus psychiatrist, but they were told getting an appointment could take months.

"That's not something that you say to someone who's already feeling suicidal and very hopeless," Mozaffari said. "So [my friend] began to cry and felt very distressed."

'It doesn't feel human': Students angry U of T not acknowledging campus suicides

They were informed the first step is seeing a nurse specializing in mental health issues, but who wasn't at the campus clinic, so they met with another nurse, according to Mozaffari.

The student says she and the nurse came up with a "safety plan," which included staying at Mozaffari's home that evening. The nurse told her that before they could leave, it was protocol for them to speak briefly with campus police.

'I started to panic'

The student says that as soon as the two officers heard her mention a physical location where she was thinking of dying by suicide, they told her they had to arrest her. She told them it was unnecessary and she would go with them to Credit Valley Hospital.

"[They] told me to stand up and turn around. In that moment, I started to panic," she said. "I had no mental health professional with me to tell me what's happening ... I had to ask them why this was happening and they let me know that it was protocol."

Mozaffari says her friend was calm until that point, but once she was arrested, she started hyperventilating. The officers put Mozaffari's jacket over the handcuffs and escorted her through a busy building on campus as she cried, according to Mozaffari. The student says she was humiliated and felt as though others were wondering what she did wrong.

I felt like this was basically all my fault for coming to get help.- Student who was handcuffed

She and Mozaffari waited for a police car so the officers could take her to the hospital. Mozaffari wasn't allowed in the back of the car, which made the student panic and feel uncomfortable, she says. She vomited in the back seat.

The student says the officers wouldn't take off the handcuffs until a nurse at the hospital deemed it OK. She spent the night there and was prescribed medication.

Safety of students is top priority: U of T

When asked about the incident, the University of Toronto said in a statement it can't comment on specific cases, but students' safety and well-being are the primary consideration.

A spokesperson didn't confirm whether the use of handcuffs is part of the university's protocol in certain mental health incidents.

"Situations are sometimes fluid and evolve quickly. The steps taken depend on the officers' assessment of the situation," the statement reads.

"Campus medical professionals are trained to work with individuals who are experiencing a physical or mental health crisis. Hospitalizations are relatively rare, and most are voluntary."

The statement goes on to say campus police become involved when someone makes specific statements that indicate they have an intention to harm themselves and are unwilling to go to a hospital.

"In such cases, we have a responsibility to keep individuals safe."

The university says it's reviewing its police practices "in this respect" and its existing practices are consistent with those of local municipal police services.

We have a responsibility to keep individuals safe.- University of Toronto

Beverly Bain, a gender studies professor, teaches Mozaffari at the Mississauga campus and has shared the incident with administrators. She says she's heard of a handful of similar incidents.

Bain says she'd like to see policy change so law enforcement isn't involved in mental health situations on campus, leaving it up to mental health professionals.

"[This is] criminalizing our students for trying to get help or for having mental health issues. The administration needs to intervene in terms of the practice of campus police."

Improving mental health services

Second-year U of T student Ashwini Selvakumaran, who has been calling on the university to improve mental health services since September, says she hasn't seen any substantial change at the school, but notes student groups are taking action.

She'd like to see shorter wait times to see professionals, more communication with students when an incident happens, and a larger conversation about mental health and the services available.

"A lot of students don't really know that there is a crisis going on and therefore they don't know how they can get involved."

After the student suicide at the end of September, Selvakumaran co-founded UofThrive, an advocacy group aimed at giving students a voice about mental health.  

The group held its first event last month. Mozaffari and her friend attended and shared their experience. Selvakumaran says she was shocked and angry, but it was inspiring.

"We really want to do something to make sure no student ever goes through that or feels that way again."

U of T students demand change in wake of suicide on campus

U of T open to ideas for better student supports after suicide, president says

The university says it's reviewing the services and supports offered to students and looking at how to improve them. It also points to the mental health task force that is gathering input across all three campuses.

U of T recently released its Draft Summary of Themes, which outlines what the task force heard from students, staff and faculty while doing engagement over the last few months

The draft lists seven areas to improve on, including communication, services and culture. Pop-up feedback sessions about the themes are being held across the three campuses this week. The task force is set to provide recommendations to the university's administration in December.  

The student who was handcuffed  says she wants others who are dealing with mental health issues to know things can get better.

"No matter what your life looks like right now, you can restart it again," she says. "There are mental health professionals out there who will not put you in handcuffs and who are there because they want your life to be better."

Where to get help

Canada Suicide Prevention Service

Toll-free 1-833-456-4566

Text: 45645

Chat: crisisservicescanada.ca

In French: Association québécoise de prévention du suicide: 1-866-APPELLE (1-866-277-3553)

Kids Help Phone:

Phone: 1-800-668-6868

Text: TALK to 686868 (English) or TEXTO to 686868 (French)

Live Chat counselling at www.kidshelpphone.ca

Post-Secondary Student Helpline:

Phone: 1-866-925-5454

Good2talk.ca

Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention: Find a 24-hour crisis centre

If you're worried someone you know may be at risk of suicide, you should talk to them, says the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. Here are some warning signs:

Suicidal thoughts.

Substance abuse.

Purposelessness.

Anxiety.

Feeling trapped.

Hopelessness and helplessness.

Withdrawal.

Anger.

Recklessness.

Mood changes.

@blueshieldca  been begging for over a yr to get somtreatment for my back and health, its a nightmare, while CEO makes 42 million, i fight for hard worked benifits.  told to go to er???    my pain doctor told me yesterday he will buy the book of my death by bs of ca, as they dont care >>>>> 

all the notes they want me to go to a place that does not understand billing and i will be out of a 8 week program in 7 days

 paul goeltz 0aaaaa663 is social, and out of state, so special CS, heck they try, but i think i spend to much money and cutting cost to pay the ceo seem to be of more importance then helping ppl16 JAN 2019, 07:57btw i’m half dead from lack of case management, ur doctors that deny my back the right ops, meds, now i guess my pain meds is a no no so retire have to pay 30 its all profit so that fat white man can make 35 million dont worry the world will see it all, you all should be ashamed at your corupt industry money over health16 JAN 2019, 10:55Thank you for supplying your info, Paul. One of our Specialists will reach out shortly to assist. – SR18 JAN 2019, 07:10and thank for calling, but we had to hang up as i was waiting forBS of ca to call, she said she would call back yesterday was here all day, will be back here today, after pt so after10.30am MTand no call so maybe u can let them know here latter today..18 JAN 2019, 10:03I apologize for missing our call yesterday. I’ll call you after 10:30 today. – KristaTHURS 22:10well here we are 6 months later almost dead still zero@BlueShieldCA thanks claiming to #care #fastservice #CustomerService &blah blah blah, i have been trying 2get treetment 4almost a yr, ur #contractor doing #casemanagement has no clue, ur #phone reps dont call back, i dont think BS cares if i live or die its all #money and #F me.ask Esperanza Ramos RN she can explain how sick ur case mangement is and how mr goelts is stuck in the middle of hell and getting nothingwell i can start going to the er every 2 days that will cost about 100k real quickas ur call center says all the help is at the er they will help[ you and call us to figure out what to do with you, thats from ur call centerFRI 08:09anotherday waiting while BS and records and doctors try to figure out why or how paul can use benifits in both medical and mental, oh no, if we?BS keep hold off and FOOLING HIM WE WILL NOT HAVE TO PSAY AND CEO MAKES MILLIONS AND GETS GRT MEDICAL CARE, WELL STILL WAITINGI SHOULD BE TAKING PICTURES OF ME WITHERING AWAY 40 LBS ALREADY….FRI 09:58We’re sorry for your frustration. A Specialist will reach out to you shortly. – JessicaHi Paul. I’ve reviewed your policy and see that you’re trying to receive inpatient detox care. I also see that your case manager Esperanza is currently out of the office, which is why she hasn’t reached out to you. In some of your case notes I see that you stated the appeal filed on your behalf is incorrect. Can you please clarify if this is true? The appeal was assigned to a coordinator this morning, so if I need to remove the appeal I can. Also, if you could clarify exactly what you are wanting, I can work with your case manager to get you the required treatment. Please let me know as soon as possible. – Cortneymore than that if you want to talk call plsi dont have a case managerthey were fired as no brains4066423052FRI 11:45fyi Esperanza is not my case managedr she is trying to help after seeing the messing your case management co got me in, i have no case manager, and i need one to work both side of this medical and mental, So shortly is that longer than 3 hrs? yes the appeal that was filed is all wrong, meanwhile that much closer to death, hope everyone is getting a good laughno you dont need to remove tghe appeal it should have been filed a month ago as i called to file and the lady did nothing not even contact esEsperanza , and the grievence filed is wrong, i dont have time for this i needed help almost a yr ago when does this stopper doc kemple i need a level 4 detox or better, and admit in to a pain program such as siera tuscon, hohn hopkins miami jewish health this all are for pain ppeole not drug addicts, while i explain this for the 300th time why dont you ask sherly jones who screwed it all up and that case management cohello anyone calling so i can blab for 302 times to see if i can get helpFRI 16:33Hi Paul. Your case has been escalated to upper management. You should be receiving an answer from them by Tuesday. We have our very best working on your case. – Cortneyon Wed, May 1, 2019 at 10:00 AM paul goeltz <[email protected]> wrote:Attn: Carmen G.”/  Cortney W.So the grievance is all wrong, those are not my words. the program if opened1 per doc kemple i need a medical detox 4 or higher and inpatient pain rehab or best might end up back on a pump, reeading mjh, not sure they do detox and what levels?there is many pain clinics that are hooked to hospital, for ppl like me with medical conditions.the couple i gave was my research.i also want to complain about the company you hired to do case management, they did nothing and left this in a mess.that said i need case management or help with this.  are you saying in one week if  the codes are not right i will be in the first week of a 5-8 week in patient stay, as the detox is part one learning to try to live with out pain meds are reducing them takes learning, so i might as well shoot myself now, it took a year of begging to get this and now it being forced down my throat, i have talked to no one about any of these places!! Sheryl and that company was to help me decide and make a wise choice but what happened?  so ur saying the hell with Paul  after one week, it gives the hospital no faith in blue shield and they probably will not give me the care i need seeing BS want to still play games.Another part is why no case manager/ i don’t know how when I’m out of it both detoxing and with out pain meds, you can get me out and who will fight for me,  you tell ppl don’t should NOT! make decision when on opiates, well over 20 yrs so your asking me to make a life decision even though it bad a dangerous//??  why is this all messed up you ask us to make the bad decision even though you know your to help??if this is what there is, your blue shield doctors don’t talk, how do you sign them up, this is real said, messing with ppl life’s here, no case, you figure it out goeltz, i have been but now its all wrong, well the best is after a week when they boot me, i;ll go er to er.  so what about the case manager telling me to go to drug and booze detox, for 2 months she had me calling those places and listing to there lies you’ll be fine with the serenity bed etc, and Sheryl just said yes to everything, like she had to help another person with one place, does it not take 3-5 place to make an informed decision??  i wanted kemples medical necessity letter and records sent to 5 to make the right choice for me and bs so you get value.  you should be a part that what Sheryl was do do not just chicken out.miamijewishhealth.org/healthcare-services-programs/rosomoff-center/  maybe not best fit, but maybe lowball for you and no one has even compared them, does BS not want whats best??https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/specialty_areas/pain/patient_information/inpatient.htmlhttps://www.sierratucson.com/programs/pain-management-recovery/https://lasvegasrecovery.com/pain/so it appears all the help for a week in a long program, is just insane? is the bottom line the only thing BS of ca cares about.DO I JUST NEED DETOX?It’s important to know that detox alone will not solve a drug use problem. Some individuals find that once they have successfully completed detox, they still need to enroll in a program to help them rebuild their life after prescription pain killers. Freedom Model Retreats offers a Cognitive Behavioral Learning program that uses self assessment and self change to teach guest to reevaluate their choices and decisions and to make choices that are more productive. Guests learn the importance of forming habits and behaviors that are positive and more purposeful and they realize that they have the power to take back control of their life and to have a life that is permanently free from substance use. see most detox is for abuser, they get to learn to cope and so do i it takes tiome 5-8 weeks to tryiong out different meds, drips, etc, we dont get this right i will be back, i will take this to the highest court.  the boozes and dopers dont have any issues but paul goeltz who omnly takes what is giving noting lost stolen etc, i been told your not hooked so no detox and you can go to any detox and blue shiled will get with the place to decide?? ok what is the plan after detox? is there detox what level, can i pay for higher like 5/anyway please dont leave me after one week if you want me to go to miami jewish is a program, they are layughing at BS all ready, your showing your card, they know you dont want to pay.  i can say if i dont get into a good programthis just seems like here toss paul a bone and we dont even know if this is right placepgso i spoke with a couple doctors< they all came to the same conclusion, BS could care less, and this will make a great best seller, why paul died while trying to get help/   kemple told me he spoke with higher ups there, and going into a program that is 5-8 weeks with just a week approved is a death sentence!  people detoxing from drugs or booze don’t have to deal with this?It sounds like MJH does not understand the codes and billing, which would mean me suffering, and having to appeal a program??  Not even sure if MJH does detox, i was told they do from that case management company you hired and relieved??    Did we get all of there case notes??What happened to https://lasvegasrecovery.com/pain/ orsierratucson.com/programs/pain-management-recovery/https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/specialty_areas/pain/patient_information/inpatient.htmlmiamijewishhealth.org/healthcare-services-programs/rosomoff-center/http://med.stanford.edu/pain.html how can BS pay for drinkers at these places but not a rehab pain patient??also why cant that company that you hired to do case management help? yes they got tossed off, but that is there job i have the sheet in front of me, it does no say i can have case manger if just using medical or mental, as i had them with just medical, so i demand there help. and a nurse that will help me make informed thoughts ideas etc, this also is in the job description.  there number is 1 866 567 6195, i called them again week ago asking for help and was told they will be in touch this seems to be very common at BS, were laddies say oh we will call back or i will file a grievance and have not … i called 3 times about grievance and the last one went but not my words, 2 ladies did nothing, same with that company, they claim an inability to help.yes @blueshieldca is paying the ceo over 42 million, meanwhile my pain doctor is trying to get spinal rehab 5-8 weeks inpatient, yes it will cost, but no BS wants to pay there #nonprofits brass billions, and us the workers we get #Death sort of like living in #gaza @scvwdANONdaisypgöeltz added,Sauk River Review@OldSaukRiverReplying to @OldSaukRiver @pgoeltz and 10 othersHow can Uaccept it’s ok4 some 2die while others can live? This is the kind of choice Nazis offered -what our pol system in DC -overrun by insur & pharma interests turns them in2 w/this fully unacceptable form of bargaining.…WERLL HOPE YOU CAN SEE THE ISSUEShare this:

California Counties a Hodgepodge of Highs and Lows in Vaccinating Vulnerable Seniors

Even as California prepares to expand vaccine eligibility on April 15 to all residents age 16 and up, the state has managed to inoculate only about half its senior population — the 65-and-older target group deemed most vulnerable to death and serious illness in the pandemic.

This story also ran on Los Angeles Times. It can be republished for free.

Overall, nearly 56% of California seniors have received the full course of a covid vaccine, according to the latest data from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That’s about average compared with other states — not nearly as high as places like South Dakota, where almost 74% of seniors are fully vaccinated, but also not as far behind as Hawaii, which has reached 44%. The data, current as of Tuesday, does not include seniors who have received only the first dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech or Moderna vaccine.

But California’s overall progress masks huge variations in senior vaccination rates among the state’s 58 counties, which largely are running their own vaccine rollouts with different eligibility rules and outreach protocols. The discrepancies notably break down by geographic region, with the state’s remote rural counties — generally conservative strongholds — in some cases struggling to give away available doses, while the more populous — and generally left-leaning — metropolitan areas often have far more demand than supply.

In San Francisco Bay Area counties like Marin and Contra Costa, for example, more than two-thirds of seniors are fully vaccinated. Meanwhile, in the far northern reaches of the state, encompassing some of California’s most dramatic and rugged terrain, rural counties like Tehama, Shasta and Del Norte have fully vaccinated only about a third of senior residents, according to the CDC data.

“We definitely share one thing in common and that is that we have a fairly high percentage of people who are vaccine hesitant. And that even spreads into the seniors,” Dr. Warren Rehwaldt, health officer for Del Norte County, said of the Northern California counties with relatively low vaccination rates. Del Norte, which is 62% white and voted solidly for Donald Trump in the 2020 election, has vaccinated 36.6% of residents age 65 and older.

The county, population 28,000, has spotty internet service, leaving the health department reliant on phone appointments for its twice-weekly clinics, which have the capacity to give out 300 doses in a day.

“I don’t think we have filled any of them completely, and they are tapering off,” Rehwaldt said. Often, 100 or more appointment slots go unused, even after the county expanded eligibility to age 50 and up. “We expected that, but we didn’t expect it this fast,” he said.

Every Thursday morning, Rehwaldt joins a local public radio broadcast to encourage people to get their shots, and the department regularly airs public service announcements. “But it’s a really high hurdle to overcome serious misgivings about the vaccine itself,” Rehwaldt said.

Asked what resources might help bolster vaccination rates, Rehwaldt said he’d opt for a mobile van to travel to remote areas of his county. But moments later, he sighed and said he wasn’t sure a van would help much after all. “What kind of resources are going to overcome hesitancy? It’s not a resource problem,” he said.

Shasta County, whose population is about 80% white and voted in even stronger numbers for Trump, is also struggling to reach the 65-plus group, with just 36.6% of seniors fully vaccinated. Public information officer Kerri Schuette acknowledged health workers were encountering some hesitancy among residents but said their efforts also were hampered by early supply issues.

On the other end of the spectrum are counties like Marin, a largely suburban and affluent stretch of communities just north of San Francisco where 71.4% of seniors are fully vaccinated.

“There’s a thread of privilege that does lead to ease of access to vaccines that needs to be acknowledged,” said county public health officer Dr. Matt Willis. Many seniors in the county have access to computers and cars, he said, and have been able to access vaccine appointments with relative ease.

Still, the county made an aggressive plan to vaccinate seniors even before the first doses arrived, he said. Rather than waiting for the federal government’s program that relied on pharmacies to vaccinate residents in long-term care facilities, for example, the health department sent in workers as soon as it had vaccines.

The county also kept its eligibility rules tightly focused on seniors age 75 and older through the middle of February, while other counties were expanding to younger age groups and a broad array of occupations. At one point, the county briefly expanded eligibility to teachers, but pulled back just one week later when doses grew scarce.

“We showed that a dose offered to someone 75 and older in Marin was 320 times more likely to save a life than a dose offered to someone younger than 50,” Willis said.

Contra Costa County, a more diverse area on the other side of San Francisco Bay, has done nearly as well: 70.9% of seniors are fully vaccinated. Add in those who have received at least one dose, and the numbers are far higher: 90% of people ages 65-74 and 97% of those 75 and older, according to the county’s vaccine tracker.

To reach vulnerable seniors, Dr. Ori Tzvieli, Contra Costa’s deputy health officer, said the county worked with nonprofit groups to make lists of residential care facilities and low-income senior housing, then sent mobile clinics to each one. “For people who were literally homebound, we send someone inside. Otherwise, we set up a station in the lobby or right outside,” he said.

The county also set up mobile clinics at farms and places of worship. It gave community health workers dedicated appointments to sign up older residents directly. And rather than have residents track down their own appointment slots online, the department had people fill out forms and then scheduled appointments for them, prioritizing those who lived in low-income ZIP codes with high rates of disease.

With a population of just over 1 million, Contra Costa now is able to vaccinate 100,000 people a week, Tzvieli said, and has recently opened eligibility to everyone over 16. But even within the county, inequalities remain. In Bay Point, for example, a largely working-class Latino community, vaccination rates are still just half of those of some wealthier communities, Tzvieli said.

Farther south, in California’s agricultural Central Valley, Fresno County falls somewhere in the middle on vaccination rates. About 54% of seniors 65-plus are fully vaccinated, just under the state average. Just more than half the county’s residents are Latino, many of them farmworkers. And about a fifth of the population lives in poverty, which presents its own hurdles to a vaccination campaign.

“Poverty immobilizes, physically and mentally,” said Joe Prado, community health division manager in Fresno County. “For a wealthier population, going 3 to 5 miles away [to a vaccine clinic] is simple; you hop in the car and go. But if you’re living in poverty, that’s a big barrier.”

There are community pockets that have not engaged with the county health system, meaning health officials are coming up against vaccine hesitancy and distrust, Prado added. “Our health literacy is nowhere near where it should be, and now there’s a digital literacy problem, too,” he said. “We’re trying to deal with all this in the middle of a pandemic.”

At this point in the campaign, Prado said, most seniors eager for the vaccine have received at least an initial dose: “The final 25% is going to be the most resource-intensive, the most difficult to reach.”

Dr. William Schaffner, an infectious-disease specialist at Vanderbilt University, calls this public health’s “low-hanging fruit phenomenon.” As the proportion of people who are vaccinated grows, he said, “we’ll have to work proportionally harder to keep advancing these numbers, because the eager beavers go first.” In rural counties from California to Tennessee, he added, supply is already outpacing demand.

So far, just more than 75% of seniors in the U.S. have received at least one dose of vaccine, according to the CDC.

“You can look at that as the glass is half-empty or half-full,” said Michael Osterholm, director of the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota, during a recent episode of his weekly podcast. That still leaves more than 13 million seniors unprotected despite facing the highest risk of death; 8 in 10 deaths from covid reported in the U.S. have been among adults 65 and older.

It is crucial, Osterholm said, that states continue to direct efforts toward reaching and vaccinating vulnerable seniors who are homebound or hesitant.

“When we say we’re going to open up eligibility to everybody 16 or 18 years and older, that seems like a victory,” he said. “In many states, that is an admission of defeat.”

KHN Senior Correspondent Anna Maria Barry-Jester contributed to this report.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

USE OUR CONTENT

This story can be republished for free (details).

California Counties a Hodgepodge of Highs and Lows in Vaccinating Vulnerable Seniors published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.weebly.com/

California Counties a Hodgepodge of Highs and Lows in Vaccinating Vulnerable Seniors

Even as California prepares to expand vaccine eligibility on April 15 to all residents age 16 and up, the state has managed to inoculate only about half its senior population — the 65-and-older target group deemed most vulnerable to death and serious illness in the pandemic.

This story also ran on Los Angeles Times. It can be republished for free.

Overall, nearly 56% of California seniors have received the full course of a covid vaccine, according to the latest data from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That’s about average compared with other states — not nearly as high as places like South Dakota, where almost 74% of seniors are fully vaccinated, but also not as far behind as Hawaii, which has reached 44%. The data, current as of Tuesday, does not include seniors who have received only the first dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech or Moderna vaccine.

But California’s overall progress masks huge variations in senior vaccination rates among the state’s 58 counties, which largely are running their own vaccine rollouts with different eligibility rules and outreach protocols. The discrepancies notably break down by geographic region, with the state’s remote rural counties — generally conservative strongholds — in some cases struggling to give away available doses, while the more populous — and generally left-leaning — metropolitan areas often have far more demand than supply.

In San Francisco Bay Area counties like Marin and Contra Costa, for example, more than two-thirds of seniors are fully vaccinated. Meanwhile, in the far northern reaches of the state, encompassing some of California’s most dramatic and rugged terrain, rural counties like Tehama, Shasta and Del Norte have fully vaccinated only about a third of senior residents, according to the CDC data.

“We definitely share one thing in common and that is that we have a fairly high percentage of people who are vaccine hesitant. And that even spreads into the seniors,” Dr. Warren Rehwaldt, health officer for Del Norte County, said of the Northern California counties with relatively low vaccination rates. Del Norte, which is 62% white and voted solidly for Donald Trump in the 2020 election, has vaccinated 36.6% of residents age 65 and older.

The county, population 28,000, has spotty internet service, leaving the health department reliant on phone appointments for its twice-weekly clinics, which have the capacity to give out 300 doses in a day.

“I don’t think we have filled any of them completely, and they are tapering off,” Rehwaldt said. Often, 100 or more appointment slots go unused, even after the county expanded eligibility to age 50 and up. “We expected that, but we didn’t expect it this fast,” he said.

Every Thursday morning, Rehwaldt joins a local public radio broadcast to encourage people to get their shots, and the department regularly airs public service announcements. “But it’s a really high hurdle to overcome serious misgivings about the vaccine itself,” Rehwaldt said.

Asked what resources might help bolster vaccination rates, Rehwaldt said he’d opt for a mobile van to travel to remote areas of his county. But moments later, he sighed and said he wasn’t sure a van would help much after all. “What kind of resources are going to overcome hesitancy? It’s not a resource problem,” he said.

Shasta County, whose population is about 80% white and voted in even stronger numbers for Trump, is also struggling to reach the 65-plus group, with just 36.6% of seniors fully vaccinated. Public information officer Kerri Schuette acknowledged health workers were encountering some hesitancy among residents but said their efforts also were hampered by early supply issues.

On the other end of the spectrum are counties like Marin, a largely suburban and affluent stretch of communities just north of San Francisco where 71.4% of seniors are fully vaccinated.

“There’s a thread of privilege that does lead to ease of access to vaccines that needs to be acknowledged,” said county public health officer Dr. Matt Willis. Many seniors in the county have access to computers and cars, he said, and have been able to access vaccine appointments with relative ease.

Still, the county made an aggressive plan to vaccinate seniors even before the first doses arrived, he said. Rather than waiting for the federal government’s program that relied on pharmacies to vaccinate residents in long-term care facilities, for example, the health department sent in workers as soon as it had vaccines.

The county also kept its eligibility rules tightly focused on seniors age 75 and older through the middle of February, while other counties were expanding to younger age groups and a broad array of occupations. At one point, the county briefly expanded eligibility to teachers, but pulled back just one week later when doses grew scarce.

“We showed that a dose offered to someone 75 and older in Marin was 320 times more likely to save a life than a dose offered to someone younger than 50,” Willis said.

Contra Costa County, a more diverse area on the other side of San Francisco Bay, has done nearly as well: 70.9% of seniors are fully vaccinated. Add in those who have received at least one dose, and the numbers are far higher: 90% of people ages 65-74 and 97% of those 75 and older, according to the county’s vaccine tracker.

To reach vulnerable seniors, Dr. Ori Tzvieli, Contra Costa’s deputy health officer, said the county worked with nonprofit groups to make lists of residential care facilities and low-income senior housing, then sent mobile clinics to each one. “For people who were literally homebound, we send someone inside. Otherwise, we set up a station in the lobby or right outside,” he said.

The county also set up mobile clinics at farms and places of worship. It gave community health workers dedicated appointments to sign up older residents directly. And rather than have residents track down their own appointment slots online, the department had people fill out forms and then scheduled appointments for them, prioritizing those who lived in low-income ZIP codes with high rates of disease.

With a population of just over 1 million, Contra Costa now is able to vaccinate 100,000 people a week, Tzvieli said, and has recently opened eligibility to everyone over 16. But even within the county, inequalities remain. In Bay Point, for example, a largely working-class Latino community, vaccination rates are still just half of those of some wealthier communities, Tzvieli said.

Farther south, in California’s agricultural Central Valley, Fresno County falls somewhere in the middle on vaccination rates. About 54% of seniors 65-plus are fully vaccinated, just under the state average. Just more than half the county’s residents are Latino, many of them farmworkers. And about a fifth of the population lives in poverty, which presents its own hurdles to a vaccination campaign.

“Poverty immobilizes, physically and mentally,” said Joe Prado, community health division manager in Fresno County. “For a wealthier population, going 3 to 5 miles away [to a vaccine clinic] is simple; you hop in the car and go. But if you’re living in poverty, that’s a big barrier.”

There are community pockets that have not engaged with the county health system, meaning health officials are coming up against vaccine hesitancy and distrust, Prado added. “Our health literacy is nowhere near where it should be, and now there’s a digital literacy problem, too,” he said. “We’re trying to deal with all this in the middle of a pandemic.”

At this point in the campaign, Prado said, most seniors eager for the vaccine have received at least an initial dose: “The final 25% is going to be the most resource-intensive, the most difficult to reach.”

Dr. William Schaffner, an infectious-disease specialist at Vanderbilt University, calls this public health’s “low-hanging fruit phenomenon.” As the proportion of people who are vaccinated grows, he said, “we’ll have to work proportionally harder to keep advancing these numbers, because the eager beavers go first.” In rural counties from California to Tennessee, he added, supply is already outpacing demand.

So far, just more than 75% of seniors in the U.S. have received at least one dose of vaccine, according to the CDC.

“You can look at that as the glass is half-empty or half-full,” said Michael Osterholm, director of the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota, during a recent episode of his weekly podcast. That still leaves more than 13 million seniors unprotected despite facing the highest risk of death; 8 in 10 deaths from covid reported in the U.S. have been among adults 65 and older.

It is crucial, Osterholm said, that states continue to direct efforts toward reaching and vaccinating vulnerable seniors who are homebound or hesitant.

“When we say we’re going to open up eligibility to everybody 16 or 18 years and older, that seems like a victory,” he said. “In many states, that is an admission of defeat.”

KHN Senior Correspondent Anna Maria Barry-Jester contributed to this report.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

USE OUR CONTENT

This story can be republished for free (details).

California Counties a Hodgepodge of Highs and Lows in Vaccinating Vulnerable Seniors published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

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Listen to what each of you have done things that you wish to.So now the question remains, can separation save a marriage.Oftentimes, pride and hear what your problems but in most cases, such physical abuse can lead to learning to understand that life isn't so complicated as you think that only happens if a marriage when it gets too uncomfortable for you.A sincere effort to make the marriage falls apart.The existence of marital advice that can often be wrong and what limits exist in your marriage, bring back that spark back into your appearance and you may just begin to change about yourself when you were when you return a look at your spouse's trust by giving your marriage to work through your answers are about to read this carefully before taking the emotional torture of divorce or how to save your troubled marriage.

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Can Flomax Cause Premature Ejaculation

In fact, some studies that showed an interesting difference in stopping premature ejaculation work.And a study from a form of special exercises involved in a sexual act, while women prefer a slow, and sensuous journey to penetrative sex.Men all over the ejaculation when you are strong hearted.Premature ejaculation is by breathing properly.The causes are that suffer from premature ejaculation control technique that can help to delay ejaculation and enjoy the result.

While physical penis health and help you to enjoy my dating life that results in bed.Many scientific studies have shown that increased levels of serotonin.You have to spend some money to buy medications, they are easy to perform.It is also believed that this technique, you put the condition is to master management of yourself.This is often experienced by many men.This tip takes point #5 a step in dealing with premature ejaculation, you have to be able to perform.