#i personally just feel already tired | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chaoticace22 · 4 months

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hello fellow internet citizens how do we feel about 2024 so far?

#taylor swift #misha collins #donald trump #jo koy #golden globes #sag aftra #mat pat #our flag means death #south africa #palestine #miami #sonic #the mandalorian #tumblr live #tumblr news update #i personally just feel already tired #like getting rid of timblr live is only good news #and maybe sonic and paramore story #also florida did what?/

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timeladix · 2 months

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Friends with benefits but the benefit is giving each other societally unacceptable long hugs and generally being more touchy while literally being friends and not actually a couple

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antianakin · 5 months

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I'll never understand how some fans are so incredibly willing to just be okay with "it happened in a timeskip" to excuse bad writing lol. Like "oh yeah these two characters who have been enemies for like four seasons of a TV show had their entire reconciliation OFF SCREEN in the time skip between episodes right at the end so it works" or "oh yeah this character who was left basically broken had their entire growth and development where they came to terms with the thing that broke them in the time skip so it works" kind of stuff. Like that's literally the ENTIRE emotional climax of a story that's been building for a while and you're FINE with not getting to actually SEE IT???

Can't relate.

#fandom wank #i'm so so tired of people telling me 'well it happened in the timeskip' when i get annoyed about something #like a character doing a personality 180 #or a character suddenly changing their mind about something that was really important to them #or literal wholeass character development that's integral to this character's story #there are some things that can happen in a timeskip and some shit that CANNOT #like imagine if luke had NEVER confronted yoda or obi-wan about keeping the truth of his parentage from him #like we come into rotj and they're just fine and it's never addressed #like luke's just never mad and they never even have a convo about it #imagine how unsatisfying it would feel to have had that massive bombshell dropped without any real payoff to it #imagine never actually getting to see luke work through that particular revelation or how it impacts these relationships #and they were just like 'well it happened in-between movies'#it would SUCK #you NEED those convos in order to actually understand how luke fully comes to accept the truth about anakin #because even if he's calmer by rotj he's still upset by it a bit #only by TALKING to yoda and obi-wan does he actually get to the point where he has total faith in anakin's goodness #we HAVE to see that he's still frustrated about this and still working thru it #we cannot fucking skip it #i'm willing to accept that he's calmer about it due to the timeskip but not that he's already worked thru it all #there's a fucking difference

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insignificant457 · 9 months

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Thinking about the fact that sevro is a carvers creation too.

“We went to a carver to see if we couldn’t make ourselves some magic. We did.”

Sevro, just like Darrow, is created in a lab, but their purposes are completely different. Darrow is created as a machine of war, his whole purpose after being saved by the sons of ares is to infiltrate and tear down the gold machine. He can’t separate himself from this war, because his purpose is not yet fulfilled.

Sevro, on the other hand, is created out of the love his parents have for each other. And when his mother is killed his father starts this revolution, and he does it in big part for him. It’s no coincidence that the organization fitchner starts is called the sons of ares. In sevros life, the war hasn’t just been about tearing down the society, it’s about the possibility of what comes after. The possibility is own birth represents.

I think iron gold and dark age really highlight the differences between their individual philosophies. You can see it in the fact mustang says she’d like to retire with Darrow and their children, plural, despite the fact that in ten years they’ve only got the one (who certainly wasn’t planned). Meanwhile sevro and victra have had three and another on the way in that intervening time. You can see it in the way Darrow continually struggles to pull himself away from the war, while sevro is able to compartmentalize and prioritize his family when he’s home. You can see it in the sevros palace chapter in dark age, when Darrow says sevro “didn’t close his mind to his family before battle, because he knew they did not make him weaker, they made him stronger than he was by himself.”

Darrow can’t start living life for himself until his purpose is fulfilled, while sevros purpose has always been that very life, so he finds a way to fit it in.

So in the end, it’s not surprising that when it comes down to it, Darrow chooses his army and sevro chooses his family. It’s not about one of them being right and one of them being wrong. It’s about what they were created for.

#red rising #sevro au barca #darrow of lykos #idk man I just get tired of people both in universe and out shitting on sevro for CARING WHEN HIS NINE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WAS KIDNAPPED #and allowing that emotion to overrule his sense of duty to the army #especially when he was clearly feeling the effects of ten years of war #it’s good that Darrow is able to understand that his army needs him more than pax does and that he can logic his way through it #but I can’t wrap my head around how it makes sevro a bad person that he was ruled by his heart instead of his head for a bit #he clearly recognized his error by dark age but by then he’d already committed to a path

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months

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...

#thinking about death again bc my dad texted an update on my mum #apparently she got a blood transfusion and threw up. thrilling stuff. but it just nudges at my head #bc it just makes me think. when shes gone its going to leave a trace. the outline of a person #i dont kno why i find that so upsetting. i just think about all the half completed scrapbooks that will whither away in my sisters old room #and it makes me cry. shell leave behind her incomplete scrapbooks. half tumbled rocks. containers of sea glass and lucky stones. digital #conversation thatll never be responded to. shoes and clothes #and memories. evidence of of a life no longer there to live it #and it just makes me sad i guess. i dunno. theres something sad about a project that will never be finished #a project doomed to be forgotten because it was only ever in the care of one person #but thats how it goes. what is is. nothing to be done about it but feel that sadness #i dunno. my head is full of static and frustration for unrelated reasons #but death pokes at my head during the day and i lose my already unsteady focus in an effort not to cry #im tired and sad and wishing my medication was working better #shes not even dead yet. im pulling a roman r0y and pre grieving. except for reals #unrelated

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trans-cuchulainn · 3 months

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i'm sorry i'm not being fun enough on my personal blog which is the only place on the internet i get to just be a person and not have to be professional because it's the only place my colleagues and employers don't follow me but also i'm not sorry because sometimes being grumpy is part of being human and i'm so goddamn tired of having to perform perfection on the internet

#personal #like. yeah. on a good day i would have given a longer and more thoughtful response to the arthuriana ask #but also sometimes you hit a point where you're like. i've said this. i've written this post. it's in the tag already #i don't know what more people want from me that i haven't already given. i can't keep writing the same essays again #i'm not mad at the asker but i also can't do Free Academia On Demand at all times you know?#particularly when arthuriana isn't even my area of research specialism #i am pretty much always happy to answer ulster cycle asks because i always learn something from researching the answers #(or i already know the answers so they're very easy)#but stuff outside of that just feels like work after a while and sometimes i do not have the spoons #i am very glad of cicelythereaper's response. i recommend reading that one.#i'm sorry i couldn't be the one to give it on this occasion but lads. i am so fucking tired #i have so many jobs i have so many chronic illnesses i am so behind on everything in my life

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kaldurcalm · 3 days

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Someone shared a post about the pear of anguish, saying it was used to torture slaves, and I thought its design was interesting but something felt slightly off, so I looked it up.

The first thing you see when you look this thing up is that its usage is disputed.

Apparently the mechanism doesn't seem to work the way it's said to work? It's said that people would slowly enlarge the opening in order to spread an orifice wider and wider, and that it could even break jaws.

The thing is, this device does not seem to open in this way. It seems to spring open. The screw mechanism is for closing it.

I relayed this information, thinking this was someone who would actually care about fact checking. "It might not actually have worked in this way. Its usage is disputed."

For some fucking dadblamed reason, they took this as me... questioning the existence of racism? And denying the suffering of black people?

I do a little more digging, and it's basically the same thing over and over. One guy insists that it's totally a torture device, because why else would it be in torture chamber museums?

I don't know, buddy, maybe because people like to make up stories and scare others.

That's one running theory for the existence of this thing: people wanted a good story. They wanted to be able to sell that story in order to make money. So they made elaborate devices and charged people to see them, or displayed them in order to scare their guests.

This part of the speculation, by the way, is from medieval times. There are no modern accounts of this item's usage.

We have so many accounts of slavery. We have so many ways to spread information. We're still able to converse with some of the children of the people who are still alive. We can still see the documents they left during that time.

Why would they leave this out? If it were actually in use, why would they relay the whippings, the confinement, the rape, the starvation, the harsh working conditions, the lynchings, the forced assimilation, and just... not mention this part?

Their friend piled on. I told him my statement was based on the way the device functions, and not "white people wouldn't do that." I told them that I didn't expect better from him, because I didn't know him, but I did expect better from them.

Apparently this was me making assumptions.

Gonna be honest, I didn't read the entirety of their responses, because this sort of thing is maddeningly upsetting to me. I thought I was safe to say something because, when I accidentally sent them a video by Alexis Nelson, they called it funny and informative. I know that doesn't seem like much, but... honestly, Alexis isn't going to be up everyone's alley, and sometimes that's due to bigotry. So I thought they would actually care, and not be mad about being checked. I've been in that situation plenty of times, and I normally don't say anything if I don't think I'm going to get through. I only say something if I have hope for that person.

I thought I might actually have a potential friend, and said person responded to "Hey this information might not be accurate" with... honestly, I can barely even parse the way they worded things? Something about slavery happening whether it was disputed or not.

I just wanted to fact check an unsourced facebook post.

#this has contributed to me feeling like no one wants to listen to anything i have to say and every relationship i have is doomed to fail!!#which I recognize is unhealthy!!#fellas is it splitting to get mad and unfriend someone for this nonsense #hm. maybe not what splitting is.#it's just so frustrating when someone is self righteous about their victim mentality #and every additional 'I'm not attacking you actually!' statement is perceived as an additional attack #I know I've done that but I'm WORKING ON IT #so it's frustrating to encounter in the wild and it sends me into the stratosphere #the fuck do you MEAN 'slavery happened even if it was disputed' i meant the SPECIFIC DEVICE YOU'RE MAKING CLAIMS ABOUT #I'm wildly oversimplifying. it was one hell of a sentence.#WHY DO YOU WANT MORE PAIN #THERE'S ENOUGH AS IT IS #WHY IS BAD IF I SAY THIS MIGHT NOT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN USED TO HURT PEOPLE #WHY AM I THE ENEMY #WHY AM I THE ONE MAKING ASSUMPTIONS #I THOUGHT WE COULD BE FRIENDS #sorry I'll go try to forget about this now #between this and someone saying she needs ai because commissions are too expensive and free images aren't good enough i just...#don't feel like saying anything to anyone anymore #and I missed my window for productivity today. I should have sat down to write and I didn't #and now I'm tired and frustrated because bg3 glitched wyll's cape away and i don't know which save to load to get it back #or if it's my compute #it already ate my opportunity to get everything from dammon #i might need to reinstall #personal #why did i even try. i was shaking so bad. why does it hurt this much.#torture device

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moonscape · 3 months

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palworld being praised for being pokemon but edgy is so funny. as if that isn't the most boring and overdone thing within the pokemon fangame community. in what world is this a revolutionary concept. just go play pokemon reborn or something it's about the same quality (bad) but it's actually free

#bwark #im dead serious you sound like a bunch of teenagers with no personality lmao #also we were discussing this on discord earlier but it feels like a lot of the discussions around the quality of modern pokemon have more to #do with people wanting to make cheap shots at the devs and not actually saying something about the toxic working conditions in the video #game industry and crunch time #like the fact that you'll complain about nintendo and gamefreak not putting in any effort into their games yet bat for this game that steals #from smaller artists and has genuinelg no effort behind it says volumes #and before anybody says anything no i don't care that they're stealing from nintendo and gamefreak. they'll live #it's just the hypocrisy of it all lmao #also i already went off earlier about how something being edgy and ''mature'' doesn't automatically make it good #dark themes with no substance or respect to the topics they're handling are automatically immature to me #anyway im done talking about this now. this game will be forgetton about in a week #it's not going to be a ''pokemon killer'' you say this every time a new monster collecting game comes up and it never does anything #*forgotten. im so tired i forgot how to spell and thought that was right

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roachemoji · 2 months

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#bo posting #croutons #but also this is a #vent #i need tbis cat to let me sleep through tge night just ince #im so tired and im waking up just #exhausted emotionally #im so anxious still #im terrified and catastrophizing #forcing myself not to isolate even though ever fiber of my being is screaming at me to #convinced that no one believes or understands the extent of how bad things r rn #and that bc no one believes me #everything i do is seen as.... purposeful #or personal #convinced theres nothing i could say or do that would accurately describe how i feel #and more convinced i already need to know what would help before i can ask for it #and since i dont know i cant ask for help #🫠

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b1mbodoll · 5 months

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repeating “jealousy is a disease get well soon bitch” in my head every time i block rude anons and delete hatemail so i can try to brush it off but i am not ur strongest soldier so can you all stop being mean 🩷 please

#♡.gabi barks #im okay i prommy (im crying rn)#like omg seriously what did i do!!!!! i dont do anything but mind my fucking business!!!! and talk to my precious little friends!!!!!! but #apparently i cant even do that bc no matter what i always get meanies in my inbox 🤞#like im seriously not doing anything i just came back and im already receiving asks telling me to kms and deactivate like do yall realize #im a person too.. like im literally real and i have feelings and im not a complete ditz #like what is so hard about treating people with kindness!!!!#ive spent all morning blocking mean anons and deleting asks and trying to brush off the mean words i see and receive and it hurts!!!!#im just a girl #if u send hate or tslk meanly to or about me im assuming ur a LEWSER and have no life bc i dont even do anything fr!!!!! im coolin!!!!!#i was gonna post this with the jealousy is a disease get well soon girl meme but i couldnt find it #anyway im fine!!!! (as im actively texting my therapist)#no bc im so upset and so angry WHAT AM I DOING WRONG #what am i doing to deserve this like please give me a valid answer so i can fix it im so tired of being sad and mistreated and bullied :(#i know i promised i was gna try to be more active but my little heart is so heavy and sad

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emile-hides · 2 months

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I was looking directly at a reference while drawing these and I still somehow convinced myself he had long hair. Whatever, he's pretty.

A-Z Isekai'd Cress deign by @acfan120 really got me in some kinda way and I couldn't help wanting to draw him. I also have thoughts on story for him but I'm not gonna be annoying with that rn. Maybe someday.

Bonus my warmup doodle:

#Emile's Arts #Pokemon #Pokemon Fanart #Oh it's been YEARS sense I've done non-selfship related fanart #DILF Cress got to me dude I needed to draw him #I have no idea how I convinced myself so wholly he had long hair but you know what whatever #Commit I say it looks good let it sit #Hhhh I tired to make the chain of his monocal look like tear drops #...Okay I said I wouldn't say my thoughts but like look listen okay look #To me he's either working at Parfum Palace (constructed 300 years ago so probably not if we're going the full 3000 back)#Or the Battle Chateau BEFORE it's a Battle Chateau and is just. I guess a regular Chateau???#I personally image it's pre-BW2 era Cress when the Straiton Trio hit their slump being the weakest gym leaders #Just for the extra angst of Cress having this feeling he's not a good Pokemon battler and not very confident in his skills #And also just. What'd loosing their brother would do to an already down in the dumps Chili and Cress #I like to imagine through a side quest with him he eventually regains his confidence with battling #And maybe even establishes the Battle Chateau? that'd be fun~#Those are like my basic story thoughts again I don't wanna.#I don't wanna go too crazy with it kfdjgkdfjgk #I just always really liked Cress he's sooooo cool to me <3 #Reliving middleschool nonsense with this one boys and girls #SORRY TO AC FOR THE TAG!!! I JUST LIKE HIM!!!!

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seariii · 3 months

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Hum...

#im just thinking... im okay tho /gen #just thinking about the words the bestie said to me after I told him about my mental health...#particularly a phrase... he just said 'you are already committed' and when i asked what he meant he said 'to life'#its just... idk... it was impressive and had such a weird feeling... sadly i guess i am committed........ 'sadly' huh....#sigh another important thing was that it was crucial i went back to therapy... i dont really want to tho...#but 'youve been feeling like this for a long time you need help' ... sigh... what i need is...#the future is so scary... sigh... okay #ill put an alarm to wake up earlier tomorrow and work on that!#seari talks #what i need is adderall- jsjsjsjsjs yeah... alr im sleepy time to mimir #tomorrow ill catch up with everything i missed too #also if anyone reads this dont worry pretty person! i got a bit scared/upset up there but its okay #im quite stable right now! at least enough to survive for a couple days! so yup!#miiiight have to look up a new therapist tho... since aside from help i wanna get a diagnosis....#sigh... but okay that's not for rn seari it's for future seari. rn seari has to go mimir because shes tired #a mimir a mimir pat pat pat

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oldmemoria · 5 months

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btw mentor!miguel is very important to me. In my heart.

#I would gladly read any mentor apprentice dynamic over any kind of romance but that’s just me #I just value mentors a lot ig??#atsv #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #please I’d love to see more mentor Miguel stuff because with his personality I feel like he’d bounce off of other characters well enough #ESPECIALLY the dynamic between a character like him and an apprentice that’s super energetic and a little annoying #I would melt #also nervous apprentice h #Maybe I should start writing fanfic for myself but I’m too tired to I already have a warriors story in the works and I’m barely a chapter i #It’s been 6 months I need to get it over with smh

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astriiformes · 1 year

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I've gone back and forth on whether or not i have true spring/summer SAD of if I just dislike the seasons because of health issues made worse by heat and dysphoria and etc, but yesterday I was walking to an evening class and on noticing it was light out at 6pm suddenly became, like, genuinely suicidal at the thought that it's only going to get worse from here, so I think. The shoe probably fits.

And that would be bad enough on its own, I've already been struggling so much with depression even during my favored months, so the last thing I need is something making it worse, but the part I found myself losing more sleep over last night was that spring/summer SAD is just so... lonely. And worse than that, I feel like it isn't respected at all. Like, I have friends I otherwise consider great on mental health issues, including mine, many of whom have fall/winter SAD themselves, who I will mention my own SAD symptoms to and who will respond with "Wow, you're so weird!" instead of the sympathy I'm looking for from fellow seasonal depression sufferers. I try to be considerate of their own issues in the winter, even though it's my preferred season, but because my version is the less common one, suddenly it's a joke?

I didn't even know until today that spring/summer SAD has slightly different symptoms that align with my experience a lot (increased anxiety along with the depressive symptoms, insomnia instead of oversleeping, poor appetite instead of overeating), because nobody talks about it. And I don't know of any helpful things to try like sun lamps or Vitamin D supplements for fall/winter SAD sufferers, because either there aren't any, or nobody's bothered to research it.

I don't know. I know I can get overly grumpy about this and I try to reign it in because I know the winter is really genuinely hard for so many people, especially living somewhere as cold and dark and far north as Minnesota. But all that really is good for me, and I really do wish I didn't have to battle loneliness and guilt and feeling "wired wrong" along with worse depressive symptoms every year when spring and summer roll around.

I'm not making a joke when I say thinking about three more months of the days getting longer made me contemplate jumping off a bridge for a split second last night, and just because my mental illness is the less common kind doesn't mean I'm just "weird" -- it's still a mental illness. And I think it would help me manage it, or at least feel a little less lonely, if people would actually treat it like one, instead of just a personality quirk.

#i am maybe not doing great folks #also like this isn't targeted at any one person in particular i am just. tired #i feel like we as a society handle this really poorly #and it is not good for my already-bad mental health #suicide cw

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mochiwrites · 2 months

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blegh

#delete later #this is me just yelling into the void for a moment #but god I think I need to look into doing smth about my meds #:))) been on a steady mental health decline since at LEAST august #and it’s only gotten worse since the new year started cries #I’m trying to do homework and I can’t even focus on it #struggling so bad #but I don’t. trust anyone to actually talk and I’ve been pulling closer to myself #so I just bury myself in school and writing and distractions (there aren’t many)#I don’t know I think I’m tired #really tired of how things have been #how alone I feel #life has genuinely felt exhausting lately #all of my relationships feel so superficial with the exception of like. a small few #I want deeper connections but lately I feel like I’m just not built for friendship #it really feels like I’m just not supposed to have friends because I’m not a good one or I’m not a good person and I just Exist #in loneliness #and that hurts SO bad #can it please get better already #please #between online and irl I am at my limit T-T #ANYWAYS. back to being productive and doing stuff

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sensazioneultra · 1 month

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not to like complain all the time and on more than one blog lmao but god being trans can be so lonely like. everywhere

#irl. online. it's like damn so many ppl hate us?#cause why have i been getting transphobic anons on both blogs AND in both languages i speak #do y'all have nothing better to do #does it make you happy to be a fucking dick? just wondering #i've been thinking of moving blogs bc i just feel uncomfortable and like this happens every couple of years it's so #not JUST bc of transphobia i'm also just like that. i feel suffocated after a while on the same blog. too many ppl etc #but also tbh i don't think i'd want to remake rn if i didn't feel like transphobes keep coming after me #it makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe and i've even gotten anons about personal shit i post like questioning me on my trauma #which isn't fun and i use my tumblr as personal blogs but now every time i post anything i feel like i'm being watched? which doesn't like #feel great bc i already deal w paranoid thoughts about being watched and this feeds into them and fucks up w my brain! not fun #sorry for the rant but i'm tired of this

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