#i need therapy so bad
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I kind of wrote an anguish for Ellie and now I'm crying alone in my room as if I'd just lost a close relative... anyway, life stuff, right?
Edit: The fic has already been posted, here is the link
#the last of us#ellie the last of us#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams fanfiction#ellie williams angst#🌺 emir spam#i need therapy so bad#omg#fanfic#ellie williams#ellie tlou#tlou#tlou2
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sometimes i’ll be like actually i’m not overly self-critical at all and i have plenty of self-esteem :) i’m very healthy mentally 🩷 and then like ten minutes later my brain decides I’m a Terrible Person and Everyone Hates Me Which is Justified and I Should Shut Up Forever
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sometimes i remember im deeply mentally unwell and also highly pretentious and self-absorbed about it
#i feel like i have narcissism but exclusively in the opposite way#like im convinced im a bad person but also that people should let me try to become the worst person i can possibly e#be*#i need therapy so bad#god i want to end up as a controversial and mysterious famius writer#i should fake my death at some point#like byron or idk#i can be my own fucked up little guy
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🚪
#i never realized how bad my dissociation is#I’ve been making voice memos on my walks for a few months now#and the moments i forget what i was saying are very telling#my derealization episodes seemed to me to be completely random#only lately have i been trying to actually pay attention to what could cause them#bc there’s a difference between ‘love letter’ derealization that comes and goes quickly like a notice from your brain to relax#or stop taking things so seriously#but then there’s the times where it stays or it’s there when i first open my eyes for the day#the first time i had an episode it lasted for a month and it was awful#it says a lot more about my mental state#which seems obvious but i think I’m just that detached or in denial about my life and emotions#i truly thought i was an emotionally intelligent and in tune person but I’m really not#i need therapy so bad
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I watched the new Pixar film Elemental tonight and I BAWLED. Anything with a daddy/daughter story line gets me right in the daddy issues. Omg I was sobbing
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I've served my time as golden child & scapegoat kid and now I'm lost/forgotten child and I'm feeling quite relaxed
After years of close scrutiny I can finally blend in with the wallpaper and do so many things unnoticed and unquestioned
I shape their image of me into something that benefits me, showing only what I want them to see. Then they're satisfied and so am I because I can do what I want as long as I have a lie to go with it. Do disapproved thing, pretend to have done an approved thing, and just like that I'm a good child. ✨ Freedom ✨
I do see now where that "jeopardized personality development"/"signs of personality pathology" thing came from because how am I ever going to form any heathy relationship with anyone like this lmao. But considering my therapists seemed to think that it'll magically course correct we're just going to go with that
#I was an only child for 6 years I deserve a few years of reprieve#family dynamics#I'm going to end up in couple's therapy one day aren't I#one the plus side people rarely dislike me and when they do then they find no support from others soooooo#I have one skill and it's being (appearing to be) the good guy lmao#I need therapy so bad
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to be honest i'm just an angry little thing
#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo，ide yo !!#I harbor a lot of resentment towards a lot of things#it's unfortunately not unusual for me to be almost blind with rage#I'm just good at not letting people see it#I don't like it either it's fucking exhausting#I'm beside myself with rage right now and I don't know how the fuck to calm down#so I'm just sitting here trying not to pass out#I need therapy so bad
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Anhedonia
I’m not the same and I never will be
I died in the house where I was born
paid the price for resurrection and found a hole
A huge gaping absence of myself splayed across my chest
A indentation that never ceased to bleed
Something that whispered
Growled
Cried
The only home I have is where I died
#poetry#inner child#writing#writers on tumblr#the internet#tags are hard#send help#i need therapy so bad#But instead I'm here#lmaooo
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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For the frostkettle truthers
#frostkettle#all klkc needed was someone to kiss her booboo n bad thoughts away#and probably meds and lifelong therapy#dimension 20#my art#d20#dimension 20 fanart#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#dimension 20 fhjy#fhjy spoilers#edits tgis to say i didnt check for scale so just imagine klck standing on a fruit box#also i abbreviated her name wrong earlier rip me#klck#lucy frostblade#kipperlilly copperkettle
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Not being loved is the greatest pain ever for me. I'd rather be physically stabbed and bleed out tbh.
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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Bunny pile!
[Commission for @newfriendly]
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan sizhui#wei wuxian#wen ning#digital art#This was such a fun prompt to work on! Wen Ning needs bunny therapy so bad.#I think everyone could benefit from the joy and wonders of holding a little creature in their arms.#I imagine they just ambushed him with fuffy bunnies. cut to 10 min after this scene and he is more bunny than man (corpse?)#The terrifying ghost general...defeated by bnnuy (x10)#Thank you so much for commissioning me! I really did enjoy working with you B*)
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bonus post again - YALL HE FINALLY POSTED ON INSTAGRAM AND THE VIDEO OF HIM AND PIPER IM CRYING
#josh futterman#josh hutcherson#michael schmidt#mike schmidt#five nights at freddy's#mike schmidt x reader#josh hutcherson fanfic#adorable#i adore him#i need him so bad#i need therapy
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Red Robin Writing Prompt
Tim only told Jason that Jason had been cleaning up Gotham the ‘easy way’ is because Tim knows for a fact how easy killing is. He had his first kill before he was even 7 years old.
No one realizes this until Joker makes Tim “choose” between shooting one of two batfam members and Tim just picks up the gun without hesitation and shoots the Joker in just the right spot for it to be fatal but for it to not be an instant death.
Tim turns to Jason, “Like I said: Easy way out.”
#writing prompt#fanfic prompt#writing#fanfic#fanfic idea#fanfic ideas#dc#tim drake#red robin#red robin fanfic#Tim was left alone too much as a child#only reason he realized that killing was bad was from stalking Batman#Tim is not the most mentally well child#I mean it’s practically canon considering how easily he blew up the League of Assassins bases…#Tim needs therapy#in canon and in this writing prompt#so do the rest of the Bats#jason todd
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Everything sucks in my brain rn
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