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cosmerelists · 24 days

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Cosmere Characters React to Finding Fanfic/Fanart of Themselves: A Collab with Cosmereplay

As requested by anon :)

I asked @cosmereplay to collab with me on this anon's request, and happily, she agreed! Basically, I've written the fanart parts of this, and Cosmereplay has taken care of the fanfic parts since I, ah, don't read fanfic and wouldn't know the really good jokes.

1. Shallan, Adolin, & Kaladin Read Fanfic

Shallan (reading tags): Hmmm...ace Kaladin, aromantic Kaladin, bisexual Kaladin, bottom Kaladin (I'll have to look into that one later...), demisexual Kaladin, demiromantic Kaladin, dom Kaladin... Adolin: What are the relationship tags like? Shallan: Let's see... blushes thoroughly OH LOOK KALADIN/SLEEP! THAT'S SO SWEET! Oooh...Kaladin/Happiness! Kaladin: Everybody's a critic. Adolin: They just want you to be happy, Kal! Kaladin: I-I'm fine most of the time!

2. Elend & Vin Look at Fanart

Elend: Wow! Stunning! Magnificent! Vin (peering over his shoulder): Uh, Elend, I think you're supposed to be looking at art of yourself. Those are all pictures of me. Elend: Can you blame me?? I mean look at you here! Vin: I suppose I look...somewhat cool there. Elend: Ascendent, I'd say!

3. Ellista and Pai Read "Covenant" by liesmyth

Ardent Ellista: Oh you HAVE to read this one, it's the most popular Cosmere fic by kudos! Kaladin Stormblessed and Highprince Adolin are soulmates, it's so sad yet hopeful! Ardent Pai: I bet it doesn't even mention their class differences. Ardent Ellista: No it totally does! And it really gets in the way of them kissing!! Ardent Pai: Well maybe I'll take a look then.

4. The Kholin Family Look at Fanart: Part 1 (Dalinar & Navani)

Jasnah (slamming a large tome onto the table): All right, everyone. I've finished my extensive research into the fanart of our family. Jasnah: Dalinar, according to my findings, people on the internet find you (a) extremely sexy and (b) wish you to be shirtless on the beach. Jasnah: There is also extensive interest in you being strong but vulnerable in the face of Odium, which I believe goes back to point (a), your assumed sexiness. Dalinar: ... Dalinar: I see. Jasnah: Navani, the residents of the internet desperately wish to see you explore women as romantic/sexual options. Navani: ...In general, or specific women? Jasnah: Mostly Ialai and Raboniel, from what I have seen. You can see here, and here. Navani: Sure, makes sense. Dalinar: (Does it??)

5. Sigzil & Lopen Read Fanfic

Sigzil: Bridge Fourgy? Ohhh... oh no... Lopen: Well now you GOTTA read it, gancho! Sigzil: I will burn it is what I will do.

6. Hoid & Design Look at Fanart

Hoid: (huffing and harumphing) Design: Well, I think the art is nice! Hoid: (harumphing and huffing) Design: The colors are spot-on, there's some symmetry... Hoid: (muttering) I've been involved in practically every Cosmere-significant event...I tell stories with colors and magic imagery...I beat up Kelsier that one time... Hoid: But nooooo they only want to draw me in the Mare shirt with mismatching socks and sandals!!! AND TINY RED SHORTS Design: Wow, look at my boobs in this one! They're so round and shiny! Hoid: ...I feel like you are not sympathizing with me here.

7. Rushu & Jasnah read "The Princess and the Captain" by ailvara

Rushu: Your Majesty I looked into the most popular fanfic by hits and discovered it's an ongoing slowburn romance between you and, uh... well... Jasnah: Out with it, Rushu. Rushu: You and Kaladin Stormblessed. Jasnah: Me? And Kaladin?? But he's half my age! And we've done nothing but argue! Rushu (blushing): I think that's part of the appeal, Your Majesty. Jasnah: Give me that. (reading) Well if he said THAT then maybe I wouldn't have... hm... Rushu, cancel my appointments for the next hour, I need to finish this. Rushu: Of course, Your Majesty! (sotto voice) Thank goodness she still doesn't know about the Hoid foot fics...

8. The Kholin Family: Part 2 (Adolin & Renarin)

Jasnah (continuing to leaf through her large book of findings): Adolin, according to my research, the internet thinks that you are a handsome, sweet man who wishes to be with his friends. For example, here. Jasnah: It is mostly you, Shallan, and Kaladin, however you want to read that. Adolin: As...reality? Jasnah: Renarin, if you are not suffering emotionally alongside a stained glass motif, or suffering emotionally as a child alongside Dalinar, then you are with Rlain. Renarin: With him as in...? Jasnah: Yes. Renarin: ... Renarin: I thought we were being fairly subtle! Jasnah: You were not.

9. Moash & Leshwi Read Fanfic

Moash: What are the fics about me like? Leshwi: Well, you either die a violent, horrible death or you make tender love to... Leshwi: ... Leshwi: ...Kaladin Stormblessed? You know him? Moash: Ok so here's the thing

10. Moash & Kaladin Look at Fanart

Moash: Okay...I should definitely get my ears pierced, right? Moash: I mean...look at me. Look at me, Kal! Hot, right? Moash: ...Kal? Kaladin: ... Kaladin: [silently pushing this art toward Moash] Kaladin: There are a lot like this. Moash: What, of you standing? Kaladin: Smiling. Kaladin: People want me to smile, I guess. Moash: ... Moash: Well, I bet you'd smile more if I was always looking hot in earrings, huh? Kaladin: Heh, yeah, probably.

#among many other things I love that all of cosmereplay's entries have the fanfic being read by women to the men #cosmere #cosmerelists #Kaladin #Adolin #Shallan #Hoid #Design #Jasnah #Dalinar #Navani #Renarin #Moash #Rushu #Sigzil #Lopen #Ellista #Pai

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weministertomonsters · 5 months

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Sunshine & The Beast

You're all bubbles and sunshine as you walk into the Pleasure House several minutes late for your appointment. Madame Blanc scowls and flaps her hand urgently. You're so late that she doesn't have time to scold you.

"Room 6!" The vampiress hisses.

You nod and make your way to the room. You take a deep breath so you can look as professional as a cucumber on ice. Cool and unaffected.

"Hi! I'm your adventurer for today!" You say cheerfully as you push open the door and step in, letting it click shut behind you.

The monster sitting on one of the couches in the seating area blinks.

"What?"

"You know, because with monsters you never know what you're working with so it's always an adventure..." You trail off when you realize he's not getting it.

"I'm technically supposed to say "I'm your caretaker for the day" but I think that sounds lame," you admit.

He snorts and stands up.

"Coming here was a mistake," he says.

"Whoa, whoa! Slow down, Fluffy."

He shoots you a glare. "Who are you calling fluffy?" He demands.

"I'm sorry. Your fur just looks so soft and poofy. It's got to take you an eternity to brush out," you say.

He blinks again, like everything you say surprises him. He narrows his eyes, probably wondering if this is a prank.

"Geez, I started off on the wrong foot," you sigh. "I'm sorry. Again."

"Why are you dressed like that?"

"Um?" You glance down at the shirt you're wearing.

It's got a very artistic-looking cupcake painted on it. Your niece made it in one of her after-school classes, and you treasure it more than any other piece of clothing you own.

"I was running late, as I'm sure you've noticed. My cat gave birth early this morning! It was magical."

He raises a shaggy eyebrow and glances at the door.

"Wait!" You yelp. "Don't go. I, um, really need to get paid today."

"When my friend booked me an appointment this wasn't what I expected. Shouldn't you be on your knees sucking my dick right about now?" He says, crossing his arms.

"Uh, yes. I'm just off my stride this morning. I had way too much coffee trying to stay awake in the wee hours of the morning. It was worth it though!"

"Are you on drugs?" He demands.

Your cheeks warm. "Dang it, am I that buzzed?"

He steps closer and grabs your arm to hold you in place. Then he leans down and sniffs the pulse point in your neck.

"You're clean," he announces, pulling away. "It's just coffee."

"Like I said," you say sheepishly. "Take a seat."

"I'm not sure whether I should trust myself with you. I think you're shady," he replies seriously, and you burst out laughing.

"You look like you could snap me in half," you smirk. "I don't know what you're worried about."

"You're too cheerful."

"Since when was that a crime?" You huff.

"This is exactly how an enemy of mine would act to get my guard down-"

"Ugh, sit, will you? Relax." You push him gently.

He sits down reluctantly, gripping the armrest of the couch so tightly that you hear the wood creak.

You put your hands on his shoulders first, to make sure he's okay with your touch. Still stiff, but he doesn't pull away. He's covered in fur from head to toe, something vaguely human with huge shoulders and a broad chest. You reach up to touch his horns gently. They're small and curl backward, barely noticeable in his thick mane.

"You look cursed," you tell him.

"I'd be offended if you were wrong, but yes. It's a generational curse," he replies, looking up at you.

"I've been with a lot of monsters, I'm becoming a pro at recognizing the different types," you say with a grin. "Would it put you off if I kiss you?"

His eyes roll slightly. "Good luck. With my tusks, it's practically impossible-"

You cut his rambling off with a kiss. You have to lean forward to do that, because of the way he's positioned on the couch. To spare your neck from the awkward angle, you make the executive decision to straddle his lap. His hands automatically come up to your hips, his blunt claws digging in slightly.

When you pull away, he's starry-eyed and dazed.

"How did you do that?" He demands.

"Where there's a will, there's a way!" You say cheerfully.

You move slightly and feel his arousal underneath you and give him a wide-eyed look.

"Dude. That was like, a ten-second kiss."

"It's not like I have an eager host of lovers lining up to get into my bed," he grumbles, looking away.

"If you fix up your attitude, I'm sure there will be."

"I don't have an attitude!" He snaps.

"Okay, Mr. Sunshine," you laugh.

"Shut up," he grumbles before leaning in to kiss you this time.

He's very careful because of his tusks. Despite his misgivings, there's plenty of room to kiss him. His lips are juicier than yours, which is something you'll be jealous about later, but right now they're yours to nip at.

Your greedy hands press against his chest, squeezing handfuls of his pecs. Pretty handy that he does not need shirts. His nipples are right there, covered by soft whorls of fur. He grunts when you pinch them gently.

"Maybe I was hasty," he pants, tipping his head back. "About wanting to leave earlier."

"Really now? I've only just started with you," you tease, reaching down to cup him through his pants.

"What's that?" You say with wicked delight. "You've got two... Oh, I'm getting a treat today!"

He doesn't say anything but the heated stare he gives you tells you that he appreciates your excitement.

You shimmy out of his lap and drop onto your knees on the soft carpet, squeezing his thigh.

"Let's see what I have to work with," you grin heatedly, undoing his belt and making quick work of his zipper.

You're so impatient that it takes a few good tugs to get his pants to slip off his haunches and hindfeet. For a second you wonder if he has toe beans like a cat, but you decide not to risk ruining the moment by asking.

"I don't normally say this, but Dear Lord! Whatever witch cursed you certainly gave you a blessing here," you say.

"I don't think so. They're too fucking big and it's hard to find underwear that fits," he says flatly.

"Learn to take a compliment," you advise him. "Can I touch you?"

He blows out a breath. "Please."

You need both hands, one for each cock. They look pretty much human but on steroids. You're awed because this isn't a usual occurrence, not even in a Pleasure House like this one.

Your mouth is pretty much watering at the sight. You lean forward and take one into your mouth, your lips hugging the tip. He hisses and arches his back like he's in pain.

"Oops, did I catch you with my teeth?" You say innocently, blowing a puff of air over the saliva-slick tip.

"No. Sensitive," he hisses again. "Don't do that, fuck."

"Is that too much for you to handle? Poor thing. I had so much planned," you say in mock disappointment.

You don't give him a warning the next time you engulf his cock with your mouth and you have the pleasure of hearing him whimper. Your lips curl into a smirk at that soft, vulnerable sound. You like hearing big, scary monsters make sounds like that.

So you endeavor to force more out of him, switching between both of his cocks to drive him crazy, using your hands and mouth to massage as much of him as you can, teasing the sensitive underside with the tip of your tongue.

He squirms and growls so loud that the chair vibrates. He seems a little touched-starved too, melting when your hands squeeze his thighs. His hips shift subtly as he struggles to hold himself back. It's probably for the best because lust-hazed monsters have a hard time controlling themselves and that would wreak havoc on your throat and jaw. You're struggling enough as it is already.

His eyes, which have been closed, shoot open suddenly. His pupils are small, his expression a little crazed.

"I want to taste you," he demands. "Get on the bed?"

"What?" You say breathlessly.

Usually, your customer is the only one getting taken care of. While your job turns you on, it's against protocol to pleasure yourself unless it's the customer's request.

And except for a vampire customer who liked to feed from your thigh (which was almost as good as an orgasm), no one else has ever offered.

"Are you sure? This is all about you."

"Trade places with me. I'm not asking you again," he growls.

"Okay, okay!" You laugh breathlessly but damn if that didn't make you twice as wet.

You scramble onto the bed, your weight dimpling the soft mattress.

"How do you want me?" You pant.

"On your back. I want to see your face," he says, dipping the mattress even further as he gets on.

You raise your hips for him and he drags your shorts and underwear down in one fell swoop. You remove your shirt and toss it onto the sidetable. He pushes your legs open and you prop yourself up on your elbows so you can watch him.

The first stroke of his tongue is heavenly agony. You stifle a squeal, your hand coming down to tug at his mane.

"Just like that," you encourage.

He's an apt learner, and when he figures out exactly how you like it, he doesn't let up.

"Wait, wait," you beg as the momentum becomes too much. "I think I'm gonna pass out."

"I don't think so. You didn't stop when I asked you," he says triumphantly, the pad of his thumb rolling over your clit. "I want you to come undone."

"I'm supposed to be giving, not taking," you argue.

"Who says you're taking anything? I like the taste of you on my tongue."

"But-"

"Shut up," he says pleasantly, his voice muffled as he presses his mouth against you again.

You bit your lip and clutch the pillow. It's actually been a while since someone other than yourself made you come. Just as you're about to tip into a whirlwind of pleasure, he stops. You almost kick him in the face before you remember yourself.

"What the hell?" You say, about to sit up. "Why did you stop-"

He pushes you down with his body weight. "I'd use my fingers but there's no way around my claws," he says huskily. "I changed my mind. I want you to come undone while I'm inside you. I want to feel it."

You let out a hard breath. "Okay. But hurry. I almost attacked you, dude. Not cool."

He snorts out a laugh. "Your weirdness might grow on me," he says. "Which one do you want?"

Oh...

"The lower one," you say. "I think it's smaller."

Jokes on you, because as soon as he begins to press against your hole, you realize maybe you underestimated his size.

"Fuck," you whisper.

He pauses, his arms bracketed around your head, his face so close to yours. "Does it hurt?"

You shake your head and pull him closer so he doesn't see you grimace as he slides in another inch. It doesn't hurt, but it does stretch you quite a bit. But you're yet to lose a single devil's tango, so you power through.

"Damn," you murmur when he stops abruptly. "Where do you end and where do I begin?"

"Who cares," is his response as he pulls out slowly.

The next time he thrusts in, it's a little easier. He buries his face against your neck, breathing in your scent. Soon you forget all about the stretch. What you want is more. Suddenly you have a craving to get fucked so hard that you feel it tomorrow. You reach down to take his first cock in your hand, circling it so that each time he thrusts into you, it slides through your fingers.

It's a little amusing to think you're jacking him off while he's fucking you. You angle his cock so that it slides through your folds and bumps against your clit just so. Your body's response is to clamp down on him, and he hisses, his thrusts speeding up.

You're so wet and he's so hard and you fit together so perfectly. He hits all the right spots that have you melting in his arms until you're as boneless as a ragdoll. He takes over, holding you in place with your legs pressed up so he can slide in even deeper.

Good lord, your back is going to ache tomorrow, but you don't care. You're moaning shamelessly now, aware of nothing but his weight on top of you, how full you are, and the way his cocks throb inside and against you.

"I think I'm going to come," you whimper, gripping his mane and tugging at it.

"Go on," he huffs, his hips accentuating his command, pushing you closer and closer to the edge. "I'm right behind you. Can I come inside you?"

"Please, oh yes please!" You exclaim. "Don't you dare pull out."

His eyes brighten, even as his lip curls rather scarily. You bite down hard on your lip as you come, struggling to contain yourself. Your orgasm is so forceful that your entire body jerks even though you're pinned under his weight. He shoves his cock as far as it can go, growling so loud that you feel it rattle through your body.

His first cock spurts molten heat on your belly, and it drips down the side, soaking the sheets. You love the way his hips jerk with the aftershocks and pull him close so you can feel everything, even the way his heart thumps in his chest.

"I almost didn't stop myself from biting you," he says, swiping his thumb over the flesh between your shoulder and neck, the prime biting spot.

"I take shots to prevent any unwanted consequences, we all do," you tell him. "You can bite me next time."

His eyes crinkle in amusement. "Next time," he says, and it sounds like a promise.

•─────✧─────•

I was living for their banter. 👌

#exophilia #monster x reader #monster lover #monster fucker #monster x human #monster smut #grumpy x sunshine

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sirfrogsworth · 6 months

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Froggie's (Almost) Very Productive Day

I try to fit as many out-and-about chores as possible into a single day so I only have one set of post-exertional malaise consequences instead of consequences after each day of doing a thing. So any time I decide to drive, I try to find several tasks to accomplish all at once.

My first stop was the Family Services Division in the hopes of getting some help with grocery bills. I am making ends meet, but it seems to be getting harder each month. And maybe I could have skipped my trip to Florida and saved that money, but if I don't do something drastic for my mental health, I fear this first holiday season without a parent could send me into the darkness.

I needed to do an interview to finish applying for SNAP. I wanted to do a phone interview, but the next appointment was in January. So I went to social services where they allow walk-in appointments. I waited in a tiny plastic chair for several hours until they called my name. She yelled out "Benjamin" because when most people see "Grelle" they aren't really sure how to say it. (Rhymes with belly.)

She started my interview and it was going swimmingly at first. But then she started asking questions about the house and my inheritance and my trust. I had no idea what to tell her. It feels like a mistake now, but I have had pretty much no involvement in that process. I have no idea how it works. And I started to panic because she was acting like I was committing fraud or something by not mentioning the trust. But the entire point of the trust was to protect my benefits. Nothing is mine. I own nothing. I have no access. But I had no idea how to explain that.

Maybe my lawyer can help me apply, but I did not want them investigating everything and screwing things up before we even have the estate through probate. We specifically hired a lawyer and went through this convoluted process to make sure everything was on the up and up. But she really made me feel like I was doing something wrong. And that made me panic, which probably made me look even more guilty of something. So I just canceled everything and left.

After a few hours in a crowded government office, I decided to head to a different crowded government office.

I know I didn't need it until 2025, but I decided to go ahead and get my Real ID thingie before my first flight. I was kind of hoping they'd retake my picture because my current driver's license is... well...

And I'm so glad they took my big terrible picture and made it into a smaller, more terrible picture.

People complain about the DMV, but the one near me runs like a machine. It was filled with people and I still only had a 10 minute wait time.

I'm starting to wonder if all of those 80s comedians who were all, "What's the deal with the DMV?" were exaggerating.

Good stuff, Jerry.

I head up to the counter and ask for a Real ID. She asks for two pieces of mail and my birth certificate.

And this disappointed me a little bit.

I did my research. I went to the Real ID website and used their interactive guide to figure out exactly which documents I would need. They gave me this entire checklist and I printed it out and went through all my records and mail trying to find everything.

I had to wait a week for my internet bill to come because it's the only thing I forgot to change to paperless. This took a lot of effort and I was ready to be validated for being so prepared.

And she asks for two pieces of mail.

Any mail.

So I was off to get new tires.

Driving around on 8 year old bald tires was giving me anxiety. I didn't have the money for new tires, but I remember the guy saying they had financing. Recently several of my past debts went past the statute of limitations, and so my credit score lifted itself out of the pits of "poor" and into the realm of "fair." So I decided to take a chance and apply for a Discount Tire credit card. It's a 6 month payment plan with no interest, so that didn't feel as predatory as all the credit card offers I get in the mail with 8000% interest.

We started going through the approval process and I was answering all of the questions and then I saw the name of the bank offering the credit. It was the same bank that tried to sue me and also the bank that can longer collect due to the statute. I was worried they put me on some sort of list and would deny me. But, to my surprise, they approved me instantly. And wouldn't you know it, they gave me almost exactly the amount needed for a new set of tires.

I'm hoping we'll be doing another auction of the house stuff soon, so I plan to pay off the card and then cancel it, but this was the only solution I could come up with to drive safely until then.

I was having a weird day where photos of crusty rich wide dudes followed me everywhere I went. Here is my good ol' boy governor at the entrance to social services.

And at the tire place, I noticed this fella...

Why does every rich CEO think they are a font of wisdom capable of creating compelling quotes?

Does he think no one has ever said "work hard" and "have fun"? And after he said this was he like...

"That's gold, put that in *every* store."

"Oh, and use that picture of me where it looks like a handsome gal just grabbed my undercarriage."

He probably thinks, "Well, no one has put these specific generic platitudes together into a single mega-platitude. I am a genius."

"Be honest, work hard, have fun, be grateful, pay it forward" sounds like he had a bunch of motivational posters on his wall and started reading them all at once.

Like, every line could have a picture of an eagle above it.

In any case, the guy at the tire store, Dakota, was really nice. He made the experience very low anxiety. And he really liked my Thor's Hammer keychain with built in fidget spinner.

He went around showing it to all his coworkers. "Look, it even spins!" And they were like, "Dude, where did you get that??" And I was like, "Amazon." Now I'm just imagining 10 dudes at a tire store all fidgeting their hammers.

As nice as he was, Dakota was still a salesman and had a job to do. He gave me two tire options and tried to upsell me. The cheapest tires had a "1" rating for winter. He said they get "super hard" in the cold... I tried not to giggle. But I explained I drive about twice a month and mostly to the grocery store. If it is a bad winter day, I'll just wait or get delivery. He understood and set me up with the cheaper tires.

He then checked out my car and noticed my tire pressure sensors were dying. I keep getting a warning light on my dash. Apparently they all have tiny batteries in them that die after 7 years. And you can't just replace the batteries so you have to install brand new sensors.

And this is where my social anxiety got me into trouble.

I don't actually need these sensors. They are usually inaccurate. I prefer to test my tires with an actual gauge. But I got so caught up in his sales pitch that I agreed to replace them... at $60 each. For that I could have gotten the fancier tires. I really don't care if an orange light shows up on my dash. And I looked up the price online and a pack of 4 is $30. Though that is without installation.

But still... I wasn't thinking and he was so nice that I was just like, "I want to please Dakota. Saying no might make Dakota sad." Dakota's job is selling me but that doesn't mean I have to buy anything. He would live if I had said "no thanks."

To make my blunder more blunderous, when they finished the tires he asked for my key fob. And it decided that was the time for the battery to die. And in order to reset the system for the new tire pressure sensors, you have to press two buttons on the fob for 7 seconds. Thankfully I had a spare fob at home, but if I want my fancy new $240 sensors to work, I have to return to Dakota and have him initialize them.

I really hope these are the Cadillac of sensors.

Or, like, the ones they use on Cadillacs?

They better be accurate, is what I'm saying.

I do feel safer with new tires. So I am glad I did that. And I gave them a good obligatory kick and felt the tread. They seem nice enough even if they get boners in the winter. It's crazy how bald my other tires were in comparison. Like, I can fit half my finger down into the tread on the new ones—which did not get them super hard.

The way I drive, I probably won't wear them down. They'll probably start to rot before I do.

Before I do, meaning before I wear them down.

Not before I rot.

I am not in a rotting competition with my tires.

I was then off to Sam's. I decided all of my hard work accomplishing 2 out of 3 goals deserved some sushi. So I grabbed some California Rolls and headed home. On my way out, a Hummer and a Porsche nearly collided in the parking lot. And they sort of got stuck facing each other. One of them needed to back up and they both signaled at each other like "You back up, I'm not backing up." And it was just this weird standoff between the two douchiest looking cars you could imagine.

I mean, you have to be a douche to drive a Hummer.

I still remember the mystery Hummer dialysis patient from when my dad was going 3 time per week. We could never figure out who owned the Hummer, but we knew it was not the underpaid nurses and techs. So it had to be one of the patients. And none of them seemed the type. We never solved that mystery.

That hummer started off a delightful safety yellow. (Elon would cry.)

They decided this wasn't extra enough... so they did this...

Katrina and I could never decide... are these cow spots or the world's least effective camoflauge?

There was another patient who drove this old beater...

And I loved seeing this car because we had the same one when I was a little kid. I'm afraid the aesthetics of the 1980s Caprice Classic did not stand the test of time, but it had great sentimental appeal for me.

But this maroon beast that squeaked and sputtered its way from here to there belonged to a very sweet older gentleman. Sometimes he and my dad would be dialysis buddies—sitting next to each other in the recliners. And the worst thing about dialysis was the boredom. All you have to do is watch broadcast TV with 4 channels.

All of the TVs require headphones. They give you your own set of super cheap headphones in the dialysis welcome bag. They were very uncomfortable so I ordered my dad better ones with cushioned ear cups.

His dialysis buddy noticed them and thought they looked nice. And then he revealed that his free headphones broke and he didn't know how to get new ones. He had been watching TV with no sound for weeks. So, I bought another pair with the soft ear cups and my dad gave them to his friend. And it just made me happy imagining the two of them watching The Price is Right in matching headphones.

I do have to make fun of this sweet old man a little bit. When I walked passed his car I noticed he implemented the world's most effective anti-theft device ever created.

That's right... The Club™.

If someone decides they have to have a 40 year old car with an engine that sounds like a dying hyena and a hubcap missing... they are out of luck.

But hey, you gotta protect what is important to you. And if I needed a getaway car and my choices were between his beater and the Cow Hummer, I'd take his ride for sure.

Well, I'd try... and then get arrested because The Club™ is undefeatable.

Do NOT look that up on YouTube. It's 100% true. (And the Lock Picking Lawyer doesn't count due to him being able to break into Fort Knox with a paperclip and then doing it again to make sure it isn't a fluke.)

The dialysis center is in the same complex as my local Tolerable Schnucks and I still see that maroon boat of a car every once in a while. I always smile whenever it is there because it lets me know he is hanging in there and hopefully still has sound for his TV.

Wow, I went off on a mega-tangent.

I didn't even finish talking about my day. Where was I? Oh, the douche standoff finally ended. The Porsche Douche capitulated and backed up. Probably due to the fact the Hummer Douche has 0 visibility behind him.

When I got home I started devouring my sushi. I finally heard back from my lawyer. He submitted the last of the evidence for my appeal. And I was finally able to confirm he got the records of my ECT treatments from 20 years ago. I worked so hard to get those. At first, they forgot to send all records before 2011. I had to call back and figure that out. They shipped them and they didn't arrive until a week before we had to file. Everything was so last minute and my anxiety has been... palpable. It felt like when I did my science fair project on Sunday night.

He's hoping to get a decision at the beginning of next year. He warned me that these appeals are usually rejected. And that the most effective method of approval was a hearing in front of an administrative law judge. But that could be delayed by up to a year. So I might need to figure out how to survive until 2025. As long as my brother does what he is legally required to do, I should be okay. But counting on that also gives me palpable anxiety.

And that was my day.

Every time I go out is always an adventure.

But remember...

BE NICE. EAT YOUR VEGGIES. PET CUTE DOGS. DREAM BIG. KEEP YOUR TIRES WARM... FOR REASONS. 5 LIFE LESSONS -Froggie, Mildly Famous Internet Person

#long post

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cryptidfuckery · 1 year

Text

Alex's Guide to Being the Best Ever Client at a Hair Salon

Hi my name is Alex and I've been a hairdresser for about 6 years now. Obviously over that time I've come to learn what things clients do that make me very happy to see, so here's some tips on how to be the best ever client and make your hairdresser love you to pieces!

Also please note that this is coming from a relatively independent hair stylist. My salon does not have a receptionist or assistants, just the stylists. All tips should work across most salons though.

BOOKING AND CONSULTATIONS

When calling or otherwise directly messaging a salon or stylist to book an appointment, KNOW WHEN YOU WANT TO COME IN. If you need to check your schedule, do it before or have it open before you make the call. This will speed up the booking process exponentially!

DON'T BOOK A SMALLER COLOR RPOCESS JUST TO GET IN. If you're booking online, do not choose a color process with less time just to fit in to the stylist's schedule if you actually want a longer process. By this i mean not booking a partial highlight when you actually want a full. We will not be able to accommodate you, and will either have to leave you with the shorter process or reschedule you on another day when we would actually have the time to deliver what you want.

UNDERSTAND THEIR CANCELLATION POLICY. I know they can be annoying, but let me put it this way. When you are booking with a stylist, you're not booking a service, you're booking our TIME so we can provide the service you want. If you cancel last minute or no-show, you are costing us money that we could have made back by booking other clients. Especially on big ticket services that take hours. Cancellation policies allow us to y'know... still make rent.

YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT... BUT... Part of a stylist's job is to ask the right questions to figure out exactly what you want out of your color, style, or texture. If you don't know exactly what you want, BE READY TO ANSWER QUESTIONS AND MAKE DECISIONS. We are trying to get on the same page as you so you will leave happy.

If you are coming in for a color that is more work than just an all over color or root touch up (aka single process), please do a tiny bit of research into what you'd like. You don't need to know EVERYTHING, but for reference showing a search for "BRUNETTE WITH HIGHLIGHTS" isn't going to narrow it down as much as a search for "DARK BRUNETTE WITH NATURAL WARM HIGHLIGHTS" would. A good stylist should be able to ask the right questions to get down to what you want, but this will make it much easier and quicker.

On that note, DEAR FUCKING LORD WE LOVE PICTURES, SHOW US PICTURES. BRING US YOUR PINTREST BOARD. SHOW US THAT TIKTOK YOU SAW. It's one sure fire way for us to physically see what you're talking about, and a good starting point to then ask qualifying questions with a reference! It doesn't mean we can 100% make it happen, but it helps us get on the same page you're on and see what you're looking to achieve.

Last but not least, research your stylists! Check what they specialize in, see if you can find any of their work posted online. Finding a stylist can sometimes be like finding a therapist, you have to find the one that's right for you (both in personality and technique). Don't feel bad about switching stylists; if your old one kicks a fuss they weren't the right one for you anyway. You deserve to be taken care of by a person you're comfortable with, and who delivers the service you want to your standards.

The hair industry is. Fucking huge. There's so many of us. You can literally call and book a consultation for a cut or color without getting it done that day. You can do that at 5 different salons before deciding. If they get weird about it just say you had a bad experience with an old stylist that you'd rather not get into. There is always options for another stylist.

BEST BEHAVIOR IN THE CHAIR

#1 thing i wish i could tell my clients without being rude: phone goes away for the haircut. Color is more lax, we don't always need your head in a specific position to apply it. Hair cutting completely relies on the position of the head, especially for the perimeter length of your hair. If you are looking down at your phone the whole time, the haircut will not come out as good. We also will be asking you to move to other positions, so we need at least some of your attention. It's also so we as hair stylists aren't having to contort our body into weirder shapes to cut your hair.

To piggyback off that, it's also because of the cape. Best client thing to do is once that cape is on you, make sure it's draped fully over the arms of the chair you're in. We'll take care of the back. The cape is there to protect you from getting hair or color on yourself, but it can't work unless you are completely covered by the cape. Including arms. (I'm looking at the fucking phone again >:( )

When you are in the sink, your nose should be pointing toward the ceiling while you are being washed. This allows us to not drench your face or neck when we are washing your hairline around your face. If your nose isn't pointing toward the ceiling, ask if you are able to readjust.

Best ever tip for in the sink: if the stylist is lifting your head up to rinse the nape of your neck, do not lift your whole neck. Crane your head forward while keeping the base of your neck secure to the sink. This will help you avoid getting water down your back. Your stylist might cup their hand at your nape, just lean back into it like you were a rag doll. We don't want to get you wet, but you gotta trust us with your head at the sink.

If you wanna get an A+ as a client, watch how they fix the chair at the sink for you to get in. The clients that put their own feet up or adjust themself to the right position (after an appointment or two with them) are my loves. my life. yes babe make yourself comfortable, you're doin my job for me.

If you are looking for extra styling past a blowdry (IE: curling iron or flat iron), let us know at the beginning of the service. This can take more time or is an extra charge, so letting us know in advance can allow us to communicate that to you or make sure we have the time to provide the service you want.

And probably my best tip/hack for all my introverted or neurodivergent people nervous about having to keep up small talk. Before or after the consultation, when they inevitably ask how you are or how your day has been, repeat after me: "I've had a really long day/week and I'm looking forward to closing my eyes, relaxing, and being pampered." This will signify that YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK other than what needs to be communicated. If they press, just say work or school has been really hard and stressing you out, so you booked this to relax and have some personal quiet time. Heavy on the relax people. Then just fuckin vibe bro.

If we ever give you our number to text, ask if we cant coffee. Ouughhghgh give us a coffe we love a fucking coffefee. Or ask your stylist what their favorite treat is. Just lil things like that. It's like an extra tip for us!

FINISHING AND PAYING

So your service is done! Make sure you check it out yourself and ask for any adjustments. Remember, you're the one leaving with your hair on your head, and will have to live with it until you return to the salon. If you need something fixed or adjusted, ask! A good stylist will prompt you.

Ask how tips are accepted. You can do it during the service or at checkout, but asking is always appreciated! Not all salons allow you to tip on card, but cash will never be turned away. Venmo is also extremely common.

I work in the USA where a 20% tip is the norm. If you can't afford that, don't worry. If you can't tip at all, don't worry. We don't know you financial situation, and we are in no place to judge that. You still deserve to get the service you want. More often than not if you talk to us about it, we will absolutely be sympathetic. If your stylist kicks a fuss about a tip they get (or don't get), drop them and find someone else.

That being said... yes we like it when you tip more than 20%. Of course we do, it's more money directly to us for doing our job. But I'll be honest with you, I will go out of my way for a kind client i get along with that tips 5% the same way I'll go out of my way for a difficult client who tips 100%.

If you like us, rebook! By having an appointment already in the system you're guaranteeing a time for you to get back in. And if you can't make it, you can cancel it or reschedule. It will help your stylist's rebooking data, which can help them within the salon depending how the business is set up. Sometimes stylists have to reach a certain percentage threshold of rebooking to move up a level of prices or get a higher percentage of commission.

Last but not least, if you're chatting with your stylist after the service, be aware of two things. 1) do they have their next client waiting for them? 2) are you their last client? If either of these are true, try not to linger. We hate having to do the "Well, I've gotta get to my next client/start cleaning up to go home." This can change as you form a deeper relationship with your stylist over the years (sometimes even a friendship!), but please remember that we are at our job.

As of right now that's all I can think of. If I come up with anything else I'll reblog and add on. And please feel free to shoot me an ask if you have a question I didn't answer here, or want to know more about something I mentioned.

But finally I will leave you with this.

Yes, the hair stylist is the expert in hair. Yes, we can give you advice about your style. But here's the thing. When you walk out of the salon door, we aren't the one's dealing with your hair day to day. Even if you don't think you know a lot about hair, YOU ARE THE EXPERT ON THE HAIR ON YOUR HEAD. YOU are the expert on what you do and don't want to look like. We're the tool to get it done. Remember that!

#mmmm been a while since i made a long ass fucking post like this #hope yall like #please ask clarifying questions if you need it!#also yes this is long as fuck #i am nearly incapable of doing anything else when it comes to shit like this #also i barely proofread it so like. idk. good luck

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lowkeyrobin · 3 months

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Hiii im a chronically ill and disabled person and I was wondering if you could do a Ranboo x gender neutral reader that’s having a doctors appointment (list of things they would do for comfort when reader is fearful of being there?) :3

hi!!! and yes of course I could!! hope you enjoy! sorry if anything seems a little inaccurate bc I took some stuff I already know and used it for this and stuff but everyone's different lmao

RANBOO ; minor nosocomephobia

summary ; you take ranboo to the doctors with you for some moral support

warnings ; language, talk about hospitals/illness, nail biting and nervous scratching

genre ; fluff

word count ; 578

masterlist

he notices you fidgeting around as you're making your way up the elevator, picking at your nails, scratching your wrists, frequently running a hand through your hair, etcetera

they silently rub your shoulder and give you a little comforting nod as you travel down to the office where the nurses were directing you

you guys have to wait like a fucking hour after the nurse checks your blood pressure and does some basic procedures and whatnot

meanwhile they eventually reach into their enormous pockets and pull out a little fidget toy for you

"you better stop picking at your nails before I smack you. slash lighthearted"

he ensures that while he blabbers on about dumb shit, that you at least smile or giggle

he understands that you're nervous and with the long amount of waiting, it doesn't make it any better, delaying it more just makes you more anxious

if your focus strays away from the fidget toy he brought for you, he's got three more don't even worry bro

while the doctor is asking you questions, you keep looking over at them like they're gonna speak for you because you don't know how to answer some of the questions

at one point you have no idea what the doctor meant because the words got jumbled in your head from the anxiety

ranboo quickly answered for you in a heartbeat and apologized, considering they saw you silent trying to think

while the doctor has you do some physical tests to make sure your heart is running at a "you-normal" pace, he's hyping you up

if you have to do a 6 minute walk to track the way your lungs and heart pump blood and give you air to breathe, he's at one end of the hallway quietly shouting compliments and getting you through it with a little less embarrassment

the doctor is confused but supportive of him doing this for you considering they always knew you seemed very anxious around the the hospital and you seemed a little less scared about it

whatever to get you talking a little more could really go the extra mile, they're happy that you found a good way to do that as well, especially with it being a person

if for any reason they need to stick tubes on you or take ultrasounds around your body, he'll let you squeeze his hand all that you need to

they promise you your favorite fast food/takeout afterwards that way you'll try and get through it a little smoother

if you need him outside the room to talk to your doctor, he leaves in a heartbeat, he'll never disrespect your privacy, don't worry

he took pictures of all your medication bottles before leaving since he knew you'd forget to

you guys both messily botch the names while trying to pronounce them and you and the doctor all get a laugh out of it

he writes down everything the doctor says/recommends for you

they talk with the doctor in private for a bit and stuff while you're signing papers and shit

the sigh of relief once you leave 😭 ran literally looks down at you with a "yeah?"

on the way back down to the parking garage you're still fidgeting with the little tangle they'd given you because obviously going to the doctors because you're chronically ill isn't the funnest thing ever

gives you a big hug once you get to the car

"see? you're so brave and awesome"

"well, thanks for coming with me"

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt x reader #mcyt preferences #mcyt oneshot #tommyinnit x reader #ranboo x reader #tubbo x reader #badlinu x reader #ranboo oneshot #they/them reader #gn reader #gender neutral reader

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anamoon63 · 21 days

Text

Hi guys, I am writing this in case anyone wonders why I have been kind of MIA lately. No, I haven't forgotten you, but I have had a difficult week, more than a difficult week, I have been through a real ordeal. Where or how it started it's a long story which I don't have the time or the energy to tell, so I'll just share a brief chronology of what happened during this past week.

Friday May 3 - I turned in my finished work and set out to do my sims posts, play and rest for the weekend since more work would be coming my way on Monday.

Saturday May 4 - My husband came down with the flu, I spent most of the day with him in the emergency room.

Sunday May 5 - I spent it taking care of my husband, who fortunately no longer had a fever. I barely slept two hours at night giving care and medication.

Monday 6 May - My birthday, we couldn't go out for dinner as usual, so we celebrated at home.

Tuesday, May 7 - My son comes down with the flu, too, another afternoon in the ER and sleepless night caring for him and bringing down his fever.

Wednesday, May 8 - My son starts to feel better, and begins to recover very quickly. I start working on the following translations, at the same time I take care of both my husband and my sick son, do food, laundry, order home medicines, and all kinds of small chores, including disinfecting things. It's like going back to 2020.

Thursday, May 9 - My husband no longer has a fever but does have a cough that won't go away and minor problems with his asthma.

Friday, May 10 - Mother's Day, my son was feeling fine, my husband still had a cough, and had a doctor's appointment at noon, when he returned, we celebrated at home just like on my birthday, I spent the rest of the day working, and juggling a thousand other things. In the evening my daughter started to feel sick, but still no fever.

Saturday, May 11 (yesterday) - My daughter woke up with a fever, another visit to the ER. She was prescribed flu medicine, painkillers and rest, and sent home.

And that's my odyssey so far. On top of it all, from Wednesday through Saturday we were in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures of 37ºC with real feel of up to 45ºC; at night we get a "cooler" temperature of 29ºC. So imagine a person with a fever of 38 ºC and with this heat, obviously it's not of much help.

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten sick so far, but I'm not claiming victory. I have been taking care of my family for a week, sleeping two or three hours a night, getting up at different times to check on them, or give them medicine. I don't have time for getting sick! Lol. Thankfully, everyone is better and last night for the first time in a week I was able to sleep straight through. Honestly, I don't need many hours of sleep, but I am routinely and usually I am in bed a 11 pm and up at 8 am every day, so all this did upset my sleep cycle a little bit.

Anyway, that is the reason why I wasn't here much, since the whole day I was too busy, and at night I was so tired all I wanted was to go to bed. I apologize if I've fallen behind on your updates, I'm not ignoring you in any way, I just didn't have the strength or the time, not even to play The Sims. If I did, it was just a little free play to distract myself.

Last week I told you that I was juggling a lot of things, well now I have even more things, lol, at times I feel really exhausted, and even a little cranky from lack of sleep, the first few days my feet and legs hurt so much from going back and forth, but I'm fine, healthy, and in good spirits. Today I believe, as never before, that the universe does not send you more than you can handle.

At this point my family is already in recovery, if I don't get sick too, it's likely by I'll be able to get back to my simming routine. Now, if I do get sick, I hope to recover as quickly as the others. Whatever happens, I'll be around. Know that, even if I don't comment, I read you, and I am with you, especially with those who are going through difficult times of any kind.

Ok, I said to myself this was going to be a short post, but I made a wall of text instead (for a change). My apologies if it's written in a sloppy or confusing way, I just wanted to write it quickly to let you know where I have been and what has been going on with me these days. I hope you are all well, please take care of yourselves, health is a treasure that can be lost at any moment, the flu is a nasty disease, we must never let our guard down and forget to take the necessary measures to prevent it.

Last, but not least, I want to thank all of you who have mentioned me, tagged me, sent me asks and/or stars to my inbox, commented and/or liked what few posts I could do these days, I appreciate it very much and I'll try to reply to you as soon as I can, though I've fallen so far behind that I don't know if I'll be able to find your mentions in my notifications. In any case, thank you very, very much to all of you for thinking about me in my absence. 💗 I'll see you soon, hopefully, with more sim adventures, stay tuned!

#personal stuff #text post #life update #non sims #delete later

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drarryspecificrecs · 8 months

Text

2023.09 ~ Top 10 longest fics posted on AO3

1. Saviour's Salvation by Belle_Lestrange101 [E, 342k]

►Two months after the war and Harry is struggling to cope with life. Having faced his mortality, and being plagued by incessant nightmares from the battle, he becomes a recluse as Summer gets underway. One day he is left to his own devices and finds an old potions textbook which may have the answer he needs. He decides to take drastic actions to relive the childhood he and Sirius never got to share. After the war, Draco was acquitted for most of his crimes, and is released on house arrest under the care of an appointed guardian. Having his magic suppressed and monitored is one thing, but his Mother's cousin was an entirely different matter. How is he going to cope when he has to live at Grimmauld Place with his cousin, Sirius Black, a baby Potter and no magic!

2. The Brightest Constellations of Our Souls by @thecouchsofa [E, 256k]

►Harry doesn’t know how to cope after the War. The only things that make him feel even remotely normal again are taking risks while flying and fighting with Malfoy. It’s not likely to end well. Or, Draco becomes obsessed with ‘Wonderwall’, reads Muggle books, and drives a campervan, while Harry slowly falls in love with Draco. A story about travelling around the British Isles in the late 90s while healing deep scars.

3. One Mistake by AstridEstelle [?, 174k]

►The fall of 1996, Voldemort makes a fatal mistake, murdering Draco Malfoy's mother in an attempt to speed the boy along. However that one murder proves to have astonishing ripple effects that no one could have seen coming. A new power is unleashed, sides are changed, and along the way two boys happen to fall in love.

4. Remember When I Loved You by @amillionregrets [M, 112k]

►When Draco Malfoy returns to Hogwarts for eighth year pregnant, vile rumours start spreading like wildfire. The Daily Prophet is full of wild speculations and outrageous assertions. Professor McGonagall seems to know something, and Malfoy's firm refusal to reveal the other father simply adds more fuel to the flames. Harry Potter is desperately curious about the identity of the father of Malfoy's child. He feels utterly dumbfounded when an ancient paternal bond activates in the Great Hall, proclaiming him as the father. And what's worse, Draco Malfoy looks just as shocked as he feels.

5. Always to you by MadameNightmare [M, 107k]

►After a lifetime of fighting and mutual dislike, the time after the war brought to the surface unresolved feelings that both Harry and Draco denied. Out of that union, for both of them almost insufficient and treacherous, came an unexpected result: the first baby born between wizards of the same sex in over six hundred years.

6. The Discreet Gentleman's Connection by pluto [E, 80k]

►The Discreet Gentleman’s Connection is the number one choice for discerning gentlewizards, offering only the finest floo call connections. Crave the voice of another man? We’ll connect you. Securely. Anonymously. Discreetly. Five Galleons per call. Warning: The company is not liable for damages if the user discovers that they’ve been having anonymous floo-sex with their lifelong enemy. Nor is the company liable for damages if the user ends the call without revealing their own identity, intending to forget this whole thing ever happened.

7. Orpheus’ Legacy by amberskiez [?, 71k]

►Harry and Draco get sent back in time to fourth year, except this time they know what they didn’t know before, and now their only confidants are each other.

8. More Courage to Live by emmettsforest [E, 63k]

►It wasn’t that the Dursleys abused Harry, really. There were no horrible beatings, no injuries that left marks, nothing like that. But they were cruel with their words, and they controlled his food to the point that some days he thought he might go insane, and Vernon did slap him pretty hard the one time, after Harry dropped a soapy dinner plate and it shattered. Sometimes Vernon flew into rages, but it wasn’t, like, horrible. Harry could always maneuver his way through. /// Or, the one where Harry is an American high school student, and Tom Riddle is a whole other kind of villain.

9. The Chosen One by @beauregardstaxicab [T, 54k]

►Draco's conflicted when he receives a new assignment from his editor: follow Harry Potter around on his dates. Sure it's a great chance to annoy Potter after not seeing him for a couple of years, but how will he handle it if Potter actually hits it off with someone?

10. Keep Steady by monroebegone [T, 46k]

►Harry doesn't talk. Draco doesn't sleep. Together, they heal.

—

※ Word count: 1k ~ 15k

※ Word count: 15k ~ 40k

The Destination Was Always You by @orpheous87 [G, 16k]

Heal to be Healed by Zulu777 [M, 21k]

Hogwarts - The House Unity Race by ProseMary [?, 34k]

Light that Persists by @rainjulyx [M, 39k]

No One Ever Told Me by Unforgotten [M, 25k]

the soft animal of your body by CheatsatUNO [G, 24k]

we are deaf, we are numb (just free and young) by muted_needs [?, 16k]

When it Alteration Finds by jellybeany [T, 23k]

who will receive you in love's offices by @jtimu [E, 30k]

—

Ongoing Fest/Exchange

※ Fics would be listed elsewhere.

Drarry Let’s Play Fest 2023 | @drarry-lets-play

HP Cottagecore Fest 2023 | @hpcottagecorefest

HP Drizzle Fest 2023 | @hpdrizzle

HP Law of Attraction Fest | @hp-lawofattraction-fest

HP Soulmates Fest 2023 | @hp-soulmates

Kill Your Darlings 2023 | @hp-mcd-fest

#drarry #drarry fanfic #drarry fic rec #harry potter #draco malfoy #monthly review #2023

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shmorp-mcdurgen · 3 months

Note

I am very interested in Labrats au stuff currently and I would love any facts about it, like things about how the experiments affected their overall health and stuff like that!!

Yeah! lemmie say some notes on those-

Every patient now, instead of having a tracking bracelet, has an implant that is put into their upper back/neck area, along the spinal cord.

(Rough idea)

These are implanted as soon as a new patient is put into the Patient Program, where they are then put through multiple "appointments" where they are either injected with the mutating agent, or put through surgical corrective procedures.

The typical mutational process takes months or even up to a year of gradual injections, the dosage of which increasing with nearly every appointment. The first appointment is simply a starter, seeing how the agent effects the patient, and seeing if they're a viable test subject or if they won't be able to withstand the mutations. (Failing test subjects will be subjected to more tests, (namely prototype versions of mutations they're planning for proper patients) or are simply disposed of. Luckily, all 6 participants of the patient program were all able to withstand the mutations, to varying degrees.

The mutations effect the patient's health in different ways, some living mostly normally despite the changes in their body, with others having many health issues due to the changes. Mark and Sam are two ends of that spectrum.

Mark, despite the occasional pain in both his "wings" and "talons", he lives mostly normally. very little harmful health issues, as all his organs function properly, aside from his brain, being mildly effected to the point it causes outbursts of violence and a seemingly lack of awareness, like an animal. However, these incidents are rare, only happening on random chance or when he's under extreme stress. He has adjusted well to his mutations, most likely due to Thatcher's help in rehabilitation.

Sam however, is not dealing with his mutations well. Due to his extreme height and weight change, he had to go through multiple corrective procedures on his heart and lungs specifically so they'd be able to support the long limbs and more effort needed to move his body. He also suffers from memory loss and delayed brain functions, digestion issues, along with poor circulation, even despite the surgery on his heart to try and fix that problem, causing his pale, cool colored skin. He has to remain under observation to make sure he doesn't collapse or over exert himself. Due to his inability to move very fast otherwise he risks passing out, MBT has plans in place just in case they need a new patient guardian.

#asks are neat #tmc labrats au #medical horror #body horror #uh. okay so maybe that was more than just a few notes but you get the idea.#edit: just realized Adam would've been a better example of someone whos mutations don't effect them that much but whoops

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ballsbalb · 4 months

Text

alright controversial opinion yap session incoming.

city fans do not read

i think klopp is better than guardiola.

guardiola has had far more funding at every club he’s been at, and has never, ever had to fight his way to promotion with an average side. i get he’s won a lot of trophies, and he’s 100% the best manager tactically of all time, but his man management is nowhere near klopp’s and his teams have never been nearly as dedicated to him as Klopp’s have. he’s able to spend money on risky players like stones, KDB, etc. they Klopp simply isn’t. he’s managed some of the best teams in the world, and while he’s very good at bringing out the best in players, he has so many resources financially that it really feels like he’s just so overly reliant on owner funding that his achievements are, unfortunately, simply less impressive.

you can compare their career win %, but that’s simply not a reflection of their careers. klopp got a solidly average mainz side to the bundesliga. he’s the only manager in the past decade and a half to defeat bayern.

guardiola inherited a barcelona team that had won 2 titles in the 4 years before he was appointed. a squad with xavi, iniesta, messi, eto’o, henry, busquets, pupil, rafa márquez, etc. he spent €342 million in his time at barca.

he inherited a bayern team with Lahm, Neuer, Boateng, robben, ribery, muller, schweinsteiger, kroos, thiago, etc- and spent €205 million in his time there.

at city, it was a bit different. he inherited aguero, and before you hit me with the ‘he wasn’t good before guardiola,’ he’d scored 26 the season before. he also inherited KDB— who, i would argue, was already on the path to becoming great king before Guardiola. mancini simply didn’t know how to use him and pep, who was, again, fantastic tactically, put him in a new position that allowed him far more freedom. it was hardly a ballsy change, as it was the same advanced position KDB had played at wolfsburg. there, he’d had 23 and 20 G/A in 11/12 and 12/13 respectively. oh, and 44 in 14/15. he had 32 GA in his first season at city, 4 more than the 28 he had in Pep’s first season. oh, and pep spent nearly 1.5 billion euros. that might be a contributing factor

I think pep is the best ever manager tactically. similarly, SAF is the best ever managed man-management wise. however, klopp didn’t have anywhere near the funds those two had. Pep is the only manager ever to spend 2 billion euros. 2 BILLION. SAF, when adjusted for inflation, spent nearly 1.2 billion- if you adjust for inflation, Rooney was nearly £120 million. ferdinand would be £158 million. just for reference. klopp has spent just under €890 million, with a net spend far healthier than that of both pep and SAF. i understand that money isn’t exactly a sure path to success, but it damn sure helps a fucking LOT. klopp has transformed a remarkably average liverpool team, not on a shoestring budget per se, but on a budget far lower than most big 6 sides.

also, to the point about SAF- he never got more than 90 points. that wouldn’t win a title nowadays, not in the past decade really.

there seems to be this belief that pep ‘brings the b way out of players’— but when you’re buying players for numbers in the 70-100 million pound range, players who have done well for years before Pep, is he really doing much more than buying success? of course, he’s a great manager. top 5 of all time. but if he managed a team like, per se, mainz, and did well, then i would come out and say yeah, i was wrong. but he won’t, because he wouldn’t go to a club that couldn’t supply his constant need for more signings.

anyways. thank you for entertaining my yap session

#liverpool fc #liverpool #football #premier league #man city #man united #jurgen klopp

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doulayogimama · 4 months

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Therapy is magical when you find a good therapist. Damn. Only two marriage sessions and we are on a different plane.

I’ve never felt baby fever at this point in my cycle (about to get my period) since before I had S. I’m actually excited at the idea of TTC after my allergy appointment. That’s in April. I could technically be pregnant by the late Spring / early summer. Sky could be a big sister soon.

Kevin has wanted a second baby for a long time and hasn’t pressured me because he gets it. I didn’t have a good time being pregnant or the 2 years that followed. But I have to remember: I was pregnant and gave birth during a worldwide pandemic for crying out loud.

I had no visitors in the hospital. My mom didn’t meet her grandchild until she was 6 weeks old. If I have terrible “morning sickness” again and I have to go under GA again for the birth, it will still be so different. The C-section would be planned. My family will be in the waiting room, they will change the diapers while I recover and sleep. They will come to my house every day to help us.

I told Kevin that if he promises we move to Miami in Oct / Nov, we can start TTC right after my allergist appt and he was like SOLD!!!! 😂

He hates the idea of renting and this will put off our meditation center plans for a couple years, but he really wants another baby more than anything. And I won’t do pregnancy and birth without my family again, I just won’t. I love my in laws but it’s simply not the same. I need my mom, my Mimi. Even my dad and stepmom. I need them all during this period. I learned that the hard way.

I’m really excited. I’ve traveled enough to know that I don’t think we will ever find the “perfect” place to live. I’m from Miami. Kevin is from NY. We are very attached to our families, so it is what it is. We will always travel and enjoy the world, but the East coast is it.

I can’t believe it: I’m excited about having another baby. I wasn’t sure if this day would ever come.

#baby 2 #TTC

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simp-ly-writes · 8 months

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Meet the Doctor pt.4

Pairing: Stardew Valley Harvey x Reader

Summary: The reader faces some unluckiness one day and one event leads to another turn of events.

Warnings: slight self-directed aggression, drinking, a bit of angst...

A/N: you know, I was really not thinking of making a third part and even plans for a fourth. But the universe decided differently and its a long one... please don't get mad at me for this one *hides behind hands.*

Masterlist | Taglist | edited.

Meet the Doctor Series (pt.1) (pt.2) (pt.3) (pt.4) (pt.5) (pt.6) (pt.7) (pt.8) (pt.9) (pt.10) you are here

It had been a few days since you were last in town, having been to busy with the farm. Leaves crunching beneath your feet as you tilled the land for a new batch of pumpkins and hay. The sun was high in the sky as you stretched your back while fixing your hat and removing the sweat off your forehead with the small towel you carried in your back pocket. Thankfully enough, the fall breeze was a good equalizer to the sun's rays; you would not look forward to the summer season coming back.

A few hours went as the sun ran across the sky into mid-afternoon, you had run out of pumpkin seeds. Cursing to the scarecrows, you ran back inside the farmhouse and flipped through our notebook for your earlier calculations.

Smacking your head on the desk and producing a large sigh, you realized you used last year's spreadsheet, not accounting for the new quality sprinklers you had recently crafted. So throwing on your work-boots and a sweater you set off to Pierre's on your horse.

But it seemed like the world really had it out for you and your sleep-deprived brain from a few too many nights spent between the mines and fishing with Willy. It was a Wednesday, a Wednesday.

Screw you Pierre. You mentally cursed the shopkeeper, yet would never have the heart to turn to Joja Mart, even in a time of need like this. Jumping back on your horse you trotted over to the saloon to serve an early night, hitching your ride to the nearby post equipped with a water trough. You fed your companion a few snacks from the saddle and with that, entered the saloon.

Inside the saloon, you could find Gus cleaning some glasses as he chatted with Major Lewis at the bar who appeared to be drinking a dark liquid in a short glass. They both waved you over with a smile as you popped down on a cushioned barstool, requesting your favourite as was clockwork.

Once receiving your drink, you downed the liquid with concerning speed. Gus and Lewis looked to one another and then back at you, eyes wide as the saucers found in Evelyn's china cabinet. And that is when you start your rant about the last couple of days that have seen to go downhill since your doctor's appointment; while sending pointed look towards Lewis.

They both nod along and with Lewis's age you begin to worry about the muscles in his neck cramping, but maybe those health concerns were just the alcohol working its way through your system to come to this more relaxed state, or maybe, just maybe your subconscious was making an alternative connection...

By the end of your rant, and a cut-off from Gus since you still had to ride your way back home. The bar steadily filled as the night dragged on. The radio played some popular city-tunes that you remember driving to in the past. As the young adults could be heard the next room over, arcade machines wizzing and chiming as the clinking of a pool game was all echoing down the hall.

In this moment of low, you couldn't help but wonder how your life had come to be like this; you missed your Grandfather's leading presence. But in your sorrow sunken state, you felt an arm being wrapped around the back of your chair and a body filled the empty stool beside you, distracting you from your spiral of thoughts.

If you remembered correctly, his name was Elliot; with lush golden locks covered the top of his head and reached down a bit past his shoulders. A large smile was plastered across his face, his cheeks obviously rosy from the wine he carried in the glass sat atop the counter. He asked if you remembered him from a couple of weeks ago, and you nodded in replay while giving him a light smile.

Swiftly dropping his arm from around the back of your chair, he moved to grasp his wine glass once you became engaged in conversation. His eyes creasing happily over hearing your laughter echo throughout the room from his flirtatious jokes. Yet you couldn't help but compare his facial features to that of a certain glasses-covered doctor. Your mind and eyes drifting towards a window facing the local clinic...

You eventually ended up chuckling to yourself at the thought of the blonde trying to grow a moustache, but Elliot took no mind to this as he continued rambling about this new novel he was trying to write and a song he had composed from touring your grandfather's farm a few years ago.

By the end of the night, Elliot offers to walk you home. Before exiting the building he places his red coat around your frame. The temperature had severely dropped from the lack of sun and you gave him another small smile from this kind action.

With your horse in tow, the two of you embarked back to your farmhouse. A steady conversation of your favorite literary genres, to authors and eventually questions about all the past lives you both have in alternative universes as your brain cleared slightly from the intoxication.

You eventually don't even realize that you are standing at your door, key in hand, and then are turning the doorknob. Your horse already totting itself back to the stables for the night. Taking a moment you look back at the man standing below the steps of your house, ensuring that you make it inside safe and warm for the night.

The porch light reflected brightly off of the red coat you were still wearing. As you quickly made an effort to shove it off your frame, already feeling the wind pick at all the seams of your clothes. Though as you begin to come down the stairs, Elliot tells you to keep it for now as an excuse to see you in the future. And with that, he takes off, down towards the sea as you enter the fire-lit living-space and collapse on the couch in the early morning hours.

To be continued...

╰┈➤ A/N: please don't come after me! it gets better later I swear!

Meet the Doctor Series (pt.1) (pt.2) (pt.3) (pt.4) (pt.5) (pt.6) (pt.7) (pt.8) (pt.9) (pt.10) you are here

#stardew valley harvey #sdv harvey #sdv harvey x farmer #sdv harvey x reader #harvey stardew valley #stardew harvey #stardew valley #stardew valley fanfic #harvey x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #simp-ly-writes #simp-ly

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foressfaction · 5 months

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I just wanted to say that I love your Ticci Toby rewrite. honestly I've always been hyperfixated on this character and I've imagined a different and more detailed story, you know? so you are literally making my dreams come true. I know it's only chapter two but it's amazing, I'm really enjoying it and I don't want it to end 😭😭😭 thank you for writing this and sharing with us!!

I appreciate this so much. I still got like 30 something chapters to transfer to here so dw its not ending any time soon! Im so glad you like it as rewriting the story has been a want and NEED to me for years. I figured well if no one else bothered..that i shall take on the challenge. It took months to finish and months of planning. Its FULL of my personal headcanons and story line changes. Theres so many references to many of the original art pieces within it. If you know all the silly little drawings made by the creator back then. I referenced like maybe 6?? Idk all yet.

Also making personalities for characters who canonly didn't have one. Like the dad and Lyra for sure. We just knew she died, we never git to bond with her personally or get to know their relationship fully. Since the story started right after her death.

Like c'mon. We gotta know. Why was he so sad after her death? Why did he love her so much? What made her death his breaking point? Like NONE of that was brought up. There was NO character attachment. BRO HIMSELF HAD MAYBE 4 LINES excluding the therapy appointment scene. Thats probably the most he spoke in the whole story dead ass.

It pissed me off bc yeah i get it, Wade was 12 when he wrote it but as something that built a community we all wanted more detail and we all know he aint ever bringing him back so..

That's our job

#creepypasta #slenderverse #foressfaction #ticci toby #toby rogers #ticcitobyrewrite

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godzillabreath · 9 months

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wwdits s5 spoilers below

I was so deeply invested in season 3 of wwdits that every subsequent episode that releases just kind of makes me feel… sad? Nothing has since hit the high of Wellness Center and I don’t think anything will.

For me, that was the pinnacle of their storytelling because it combined humor with the genuine ways in which this dysfunctional group of people have come to care about each other. Nandor feels divorced from his humanity and is looking to find ways to regain that aspect of himself. Guillermo can’t understand because he’s fixated on becoming a vampire to fill the void inside himself where he feels self-conscious, overlooked, unimportant. It’s funny to see these genuine, emotional character moments butt heads with a vaporwave 80s aerobics cult. They expertly balanced character development that had been building throughout season 3 with a bonkers premise and it ended up very touching and very satisfying. And then, well. Season 4. It was frustrating, first of all, to see the climax of Season 3 completely swept aside in the first minute of the premiere. This season prioritized episodic, unserious episodes that had no lasting character growth, only to emphasize in the finale that nothing changes and nothing matters. You can’t make that your artistic statement for season 4 when you’ve shown your audience three seasons of dynamic relationships being built and reforged and changed in unique ways! Season 4 and even Season 5 continue to wipe the slate clean again and again. Hypnosis, Djinn wishes, other forms of deus ex machina utilized to undo everything magically and inorganically. There were no stakes for Colin’s death or rebirth, no lasting impact on the relationship between Laszlo and Colin from a season showcasing a very different dynamic between them. Nandor is petulant and rude to Guillermo in irritating ways, as if they had never built a tenuous respect and trust and eventually affection for one another. Does Guillermo care about his family, does he crave their approval, only to have him vaguely continue to push them away after what was supposed to be an emotional coming out episode? Why is Nadja appointed as a leader on the London council only to immediately abandon this position for a wanton night club idea? (Which is then abandoned again in favor of… I’m not really sure what her goals are this season? Vague mentions of a hex with unclear affect on her life.) The audience just has to sit with this continuous lack of narrative resolution.

And it sucks, man. I think it’s a mess. It’s unsatisfying. I see Season 5 trying to incorporate and juggle more plot-dense episodes and they end up feeling too long and weirdly overworked and like all of these ideas are coming too late to feel impactful.

I’ll say I really don’t like Guillermo becoming a vampire, or half-vampire or whatever is happening. I think it absolutely ruins his character arc of finding strength and value in being a human being—with kickass cool Van Helsing abilities even. It would have been way cooler to parallel Guillermo’s realization that he cherishes his own innate humanity with Nandor wanting to regain that humanity he felt he lost over centuries. At this point, I don’t understand what either of them want or need or feel or anything. And the rest of the cast feel like b-plot set dressing.

Well, that’s enough for now I guess. Every episode I just feel like… why did they write this this way. Of course, I’m sure every element of conflict will be magically undone and ironed smooth at the end of Season 5 as it always is and we’ll start season 6 with zero carryover or growth. Again.

#Wwdits #wwditsfx #spoilers

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jsprnt · 8 months

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Healing Hearts PT.6 | Virgil van Dijk

Would a fresh start bring you more than just a new job?

A/N: the moment we’ve all been waiting for! this is a long one, enjoy :)

C/W: mention of abusive relationship, blood.

WC: 5.012

Summary: Y/N L/N is a very skilled and praised physiotherapist. A certain event pushing her for a fresh start, as a physiotherapist for Liverpool FC. One question always being in the back of her mind: Will she be able to let go of her past and allow herself to experience new things?

"The swelling has been going down thankfully. You're very lucky it's a minor injury. I've discussed your injury with both Dr. Woods and Dr. Davis, and we think you'll be back in a few weeks, though we'll have to keep monitoring it regularly. Especially since you're being included in the national team lineup." I say, filling in some important documents about Ibo's injury.

"Thank you doctor. I really hope I will be fine for the national matches." He says, French accent shining through. I give him a crooked smile, turning my full attention towards him.

"You know I can't promise you anything except that I'll help you to my upmost ability, as your physiotherapist." I state. He nods his head, acknowledging what I tell him. I give him some more instructions about how to make sure his injury doesn't get worse. He walks out of my office a while later, feeling more confident in healing faster.

I glance at my planner, checking off the appointments I had completed. Realizing I had a fifteen-minute break. I grab my phone out of my handbag, checking my messages.

I had sent my friends a couple of cute pictures I took last night, asking which one to post.

I had done my make up and dressed up out of boredom. Wanting to go back to posting on my Instagram regularly, keeping my friends and family up to date since I now lived in a different city again.

I add some other pictures to it, making it photo dump and adding a caption. I press post, scrolling through my timeline before checking the time. Next appointment: meeting with physiotherapy team.

I shove my phone in my back pocket, grabbing some documents we need before walking along the hallways to the gym, Dr. Davis would definitely be there.

I feel my stomach grumble, lunchtime was soon and I couldn't wait to eat honestly.

I walk in greeting some players who are working out hard. The faint smell of sweat and deodorant hits my nose. I scrunch my nose, trying to focus on my own perfume. I could never get used to the smell of men exercising, no matter how long I worked in this industry.

Suddenly, a ball rolls up to my feet. I turn my head to the right seeing Trent and Dom. My left hand fidgeting with the documents in my arm.

"You guys are playing two touch in the gym?"

I raise my brows at them, taking the ball and rolling it under my foot. "That's what I said. This is gym time!" I glance at a slightly frustrated Mo, chuckling at him before turning back to the other guys. "You guys sound like my parents when I was younger. Stop being an arse and kick the ball back!" Trent yells in his Scouser accent.

I gasp at him, grabbing my chest offended. "Hey, I'm only twenty-five, he's the old one!" I point to Mo as he gives me a surprised look. The other players in the gym looking up due to the slight commotion. "I am not old- I'm thirty-one!" He exclaims. I try hold back a laugh, glancing at the other players who have slight grins on their face, overhearing our banter.

I feel a warm hand on my shoulder, turning my head to see a slightly sweaty Virgil. A sweaty but powdery-musk smell enters my nostrils. His curly baby hairs sticking to his forehead, his signature waves slightly frizzy. He leans forward, his face close to mine.

"If he's old what am I then?" My eyes widen, feeling his minty breath fanning my face. I stare up at him for a second before I hear my name being called by Dr. Davis, who's looking at us from the entrance of the gym. "Well- I've got a meeting, you'll have to ask Trent!" I give him a sheepish smile, scooping up the ball with my foot and kicking it back to Dominik, surprising myself at the fact that I hadn't lost the football skills I had learnt in primary school.

"Train hard everyone! I'll be there James!" I yell before jogging away hearing some chuckles behind me as leave the gym.

"Since we're done discussing everything, y/n how has it been working here so far." I look up from the stack of documents, smiling at the two senior physio's.

"It's been two weeks but it feels way longer honestly, in a good way of course. Staff and player are nice and the workplace is very positive." I state. They look at me with bright smiles, looking very relieved. We chat some more before Dr. Woods dismisses me for lunch.

I bid them goodbye and walk back to my office. Putting away the documents and walking into the canteen. I fill my plate with some tasty food, remembering not eat too much since Virgil was inviting me over for dinner later.

I sit next to Clara, chatting, well more like gossiping about literally everyone.

"She cheated on him?!" I yell a little out of shock as she tells me the latest celebrity dating drama.

I take a sip of my water, swallowing before asking her more about it. Some players asking if they can sit our table. I absentmindedly nod at them, not paying attention as I'm too invested in Clara's story.

"Who cheated?" I hear a confused Curtis say. We glance at him briefly realizing multiple players at had been sitting at our table. You'd think they'd be invested in their own banter, but they quite literally had been eavesdropping our conversation.

"Why's everyone looking at us?"

I murmur to Clara, embarrassed smile on my face.

"Because you are very loud." I look at Robbo, mumbling a quick sorry before Clara and me turn back to our own conversation again, this time with way less volume.

I shove the last bites of veggies in my mouth listening to the details of her juicy story.

"Show me a picture of the guy." I say, very curious. She taps on her phone handing me it. I look at the phone screen, my mouth falling open. "She cheated on him with this?" I exclaim, totally baffled. My hand covering my mouth in disbelief.

I feel a presence behind me, turning to see Curtis look at the screen. I quirk my eyebrow at him.

"What? You girls are so loud I want to know the gossip show me!" I roll my eyes at him playfully before I show him the picture.

"Oh- was she blind or?" I laugh at his comment before I hear the guys at the table complain about wanting to see the pictures too.

I sigh before showing them the phone, hearing a couple words of disbelief. "Maybe he has a nice personality?" I hear Harvey say.

This becomes the only topic of our conversation at our table, dragging on for the next fifteen minutes. And they say women gossip more than men.

"No, it's crazier since her partner- well ex is hot."

I hear Clara say. I nod at her comment. "She's not wrong."

My eyes wander around the table as the guys seem to be more invested into the drama than us now. I chuckle at their banter, my lips curling up into a smile, dimples on display. My eyes lock with Virgil's who's sitting at the end of the table. He smiles back, and a warm feeling seeps into my chest, a faint blush covering my cheeks.

A knock on my door takes me out of my concentrated trance. I watch as the door swing open, revealing Virgil. I check the time, training must've ended early?

"What's up?" I raise a brow, fidgeting with my pen before standing up from my seat. He smirks at me and walks around to sit on the treatment table, looking very comfortable. "Something wrong?"

I walk up to him, almost standing in between his thighs due to his frame. "Nothing wrong." He says. I notice a glimmer of mischievousness in his eyes.

"Why are you here then hm?" I fold my arms up to my chest, lifting my head slightly to look him in the eyes. He laughs at me before mirroring my stance. "I came here to confirm tonight, you'll be at my place at 7 right?"

"Yeah, you thought I forgot? In one day?"

He huffs, before shaking his head. "No, just confirming." He smirks, and I can’t help but wonder why he's being, so- weird?

"And I was wondering- do you have any allergies?" I raise my brows. "Why are you cooking? I instead of a fancy private chef?" I scoff, a hint of teasing in my tone.

His expression turns offended, scoffing back. "Yes, I will be cooking, you don't think I'm capable of making a nice dinner?" He retorts.

I raise my hands in defense, holding back a laugh. "Okay Mister Chef, don't get too riled up. I'll look forward to it." I study his face for a reaction, the corners of my lips tugging upwards.

"I'll show you, just be on time." He says, giving me a cocky smile. I feel my heart pound faster in my chest, that smile was to literally go feral for, I had to admit. "I'll be there just send me the address."

I put on my halter-neck dress, struggling to reach the back as I check the time. Fuck, twenty minutes until I have to leave. I fight against the flexibility of my arms some more before huffing and giving up, thanking myself for befriending my neighbor.

I walk out of my apartment, going up to Sofia's door and knocking on it. The door opens and I greet her before turning around, giving her the message. She chuckles before reaching down to zip up my dress. I turn back facing her again and give her a hug as a ‘thank you’. She whistles at me, her arms folded. "Damn girl, which lucky guy is seeing all of this tonight." I laugh at her, trying to convince her it's nothing like that, though see doesn't seem very convinced. "I doubt that, but let me know how it goes?" I nod at her before leaving back to my apartment. "Don't drink too much!" She yells after me. "I won't!"

I stand in front of my mirror, hands smoothing down my dress before I pack my handbag. I grab my lip liner, meticulously lining my lips and applying a pretty gloss on top. I breathe in and exhale slowly, my hands clammy for some crazy reason. Am I nervous? I shake my head at my distress, not believing I was nervous for something so simple. It's just dinner.

My phone buzzes on my coffee table, I grab it walking out of my apartment after being fully ready. My Notification Center being flooded by my Instagram post being liked, I smile at myself before checking the most important message. Virgil had sent his address finally.

After a half hour drive of me fighting with the directions and the navigation system, I finally arrive at his home, a nice big gate around it. Though, his house wasn't anything I expected, it was defined huge but not modern like I thought his house would be.

I reach for my phone, ready to call him but I'm stopped by the gates opening. I sigh before driving up onto his huge driveway, catching a glimpse of the other cars he owned. I hadn't seen them before at the training center.

I gather my bag, jumping out of my car and fixing my dress, walking around to his front door. The door opens, a nicely dressed Virgil smiles back at me.

Oh fuck, he looks insanely good. He's wearing a off-white polo shirt, the sleeves a little snug on his biceps, paired nicely with some black pants. His hair in his signature hairstyles and it looks like he had cleaned up his facial hair a bit.

"Hey!" I greet, stepping into his home. I glance around, noticing the touches of marble and wood decorate his home. "You look beautiful." He hums, leaning down and pulling me into a warm hug, a hand softly running down my arm. I try to stop my brain from short-circuiting, focusing instead of allowing my mind to wander.

"I really thought you weren't coming after I said I'd be cooking." His voice vibrates in my ear. The musky smell of his cologne engulfing my senses.

I pull back. "Do you think I'm going to pass up an opportunity to taste your cooking? I need to know if the 'worlds best defender' can cook a nice meal as well, no? Besides, you hurt my nose. I need some compensation for that!" He laughs at me, before leading me further into his home, keeping a hand on my back, in between my shoulder blades.

He guides me into the main room. I glance around noticing the kitchen, living room and dinning room are all on one floor, connected.

"Your house is so pretty." I breathe out, glancing at him. "Did you have it designed?" He hums, nodding. "I did but I worked with them to make it my own." He says.

He leads me to the dining table, it wasn't a huge one, the dark walnut wood giving it a cozy touch. A pretty chandelier dangling from the ceiling, casting a warm light into the room.

The table is filled with plates, wine glasses and cutlery. Most importantly the decent amount of food. He pulls back my chair to allow me to sit. I turn back to look at him. Maybe, chivalry wasn't dead. He walks around the table to sit down across from me.

I gasp, my eyes widening. "So, you made all of this?" I motion to the table with my hands, making a circle motion with my fingers.

"Of course I did, did you think I was bluffing?"

I eye him up suspiciously, raising a brow. "Well- no, but not this." I say. "You shouldn't have, training was very intensive today and you must be tired." My expression falters into a concerned one. He really did all of this, for me?

"No, it's okay. I wanted to really show you how sorry I was. Besides, I like doing things for the ones I care about." I freeze at his words, staring at him with wide eyes, he cares?

He clears his throat, before asking I want a glass of water. I nod, as he starts pouring water into a glass and handing it to me. I reach over, grabbing it and lifting the cold glass it up to my lips. My pink lip gloss leaving a stain on the edge of the glass.

"So, chef are you going to explain what you've cooked tonight?" I say, a smile tugging on my lips.

"Of course, just a second." He stands up, walking over to the glass sliding-doors leading to the backyard. He slides them open and a nice breeze blows in to the house immediately. He walks outside into the backyard, I tilt my head curiously.

Then he appears again, a big plate in his hand and a smoky smell reaching my nostrils. Steak- he'd grilled steak on his barbecue?

I follow his every move with my eyes, he walks up to me placing a piece of steak on my and his plate. He walks back to me, grabbing the plate from in front of me and cutting it. My heart practically melt at the action, my face flushing.

"Smells amazing, thank you." I say, looking up at him. My eyes following the movements of his hands. He places the plate with cut steak in front of me again, giving me a smile. "My pleasure." He says, his voice silky as ever.

He sits down again, motioning for me to start eating. "I'm not a course-meal person myself, so I just put out everything at once. I hope you're okay with that?" He makes eyes contact with me, a faint smile on his lips.

"Oh- it's fine I promise. I'm not a fan of that either." I say, shaking my head slightly. He looks at me pleased, before starting to explain every dish he had prepped.

We dig in before the food gets cold. I taste the steak, humming at the taste. It melting on my tongue. "This is insanely good. How'd you learn to cook like this? Your mom?"

He nods, a reminiscing look on his face. "That and I worked at a restaurant when I was younger. Washed the dishes, but could overhear the chefs talking about how to prepare the food all the time."

"I guess, I could actually call you chef?" He chuckles at me before suggesting I taste the spaghetti, coated in a creamy tomato sauce.

"This is really good, oh my god." I gasp at the taste, this had to be the best spaghetti I have ever eaten and I have probably eaten spaghetti in every country I had visited.

He grabs the decanter filled with red wine, I imagine him meticulously decanting it and smile to myself. "Wait- I'm driving home remember? I can't drink." I say. "You can drink it's fine. I'll drive you home, you can relax. You're my guest."

I smile at his words, watching him move carefully. I could definitely get used to being wined and dined like this again.

I notice the almost empty bottle next to it. He walks over to me to fill my wineglass. I eye the familiar label, trying to figure out where I had had it before. I didn't know much about wine, but this one was etched into my memory for some reason. He notices my confusion and gives me information about it. I think carefully as he speaks, finally remembering where I had had it before. I mentally slap myself for remembering the shitty memory.

I had it on a date with Theo at a three star Michelin restaurant. He had asked the waiter for their 'very good red wine' in the rudest way possible, embarrassing me in the process. Then he'd bragged about the bottle being worth seven grand the entire dinner. A chill travels down my spine, remembering how he'd lashed out at me later for 'ogling the waiter' in his twisted words.

Wait-? This bottle is worth seven thousand and I'm being served it on a simple dinner? I snap out of my thoughts before looking at the glass of wine in front of me. Looking back at Virgil, trying to not look as shocked as I am right now.

"Something wrong? You don't like it-" I interrupt him. "No, I just remembered we're I've had this wine before, that's it."

He raises a brow. "Where have you had it?" I give him an awkward smile, before dismissing it. "Not the best memory, but this will probably make me forget it." I chuckle at him.

We continue to eat in a comfortable silence for a while before he breaks it. "I know you've told us about yourself, but tell me more. I want to learn more about you." He says, small smile on his face.

"What do you want to know?" I say. "Tell me more about your upbringing, how you grew up."

I take a sip of the wine, it's taste coating my mouth. I explain my childhood to him, as he occasionally chimes in to tell a story he relates to. I smile at myself, feeling very comfortable.

"To be fully honest, I don't have the best relationship with my parents. Mainly, because growing up they'd always been more busy with their business, so they were physically and emotionally pretty absent. Though, I don't know if I could complain- I mean their determination for work made it possible for me to grow up comfortably. Even though it meant I had to raise myself sometimes."

He nods, acknowledging my feelings telling me about his relationship with his father and how it had shaped him as a person. "I guess, we aren't so different after all hm?"

We finish dinner and I can't help but glance into his backyard, noticing my curiosity, he offers to take a walk in his backyard. I nod eagerly as we walk along the neatly designed pool tiles. "Do you swim a lot when it's sunny?" I ask him. "I do, but I love swimming when it's colder. The jacuzzi is the best when it's cold." I roll my eyes at him playfully. "Must be nice." I mock as he laughs at me.

The sun had gone down and the temperature had dropped quite a bit. I shiver as a cold breeze blows past me, making my teeth clatter slightly. Virgil notices as he interrupts himself, looking at me concerned. "Are you cold?” A shy smile forms on my lips, nodding at him. He walks back into his house, quickly walking back out with a white sweater in his arms.

He walks up to me, carefully pulling the sweater over my head. I imagine to not smudge my make up. I shiver at the touch of his hands on my arms, holding back a surprised gasp. His hand goes up to fix my hair, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "Thank you." He smirks at me, an unknown look in his eyes as he glances down at me.

"Do you want to go back inside?" I nod at Virgil, walking back into his house alongside him. He tells me sit at the kitchen island as he cleans up the table, forcing me stop helping him with cleaning. "I said you're my guest, please go sit down and have some more wine."

This leads to me sipping on the seven thousand pound wine like it's orange juice, sitting onto the bar stool and leaning against the marble island, my elbows propped up on it. I watch him rinse off the dishes and cutlery before placing them into the dishwasher. I don't know if it's the wine or not but looking at his back, cleaning the kitchen with gloves on made him look so- husband material, it feels almost too domestic. Though, it definitely made him look so hot, that was for sure the effect of the wine. Sober me would never, right?

I let out a soft giggle, my face was probably insanely flushed. He turns back to look at me, chuckling to himself as he washed his hands. Walking up to me and holding onto my shoulders to stabilize me. He looks at me before looking at the nearly empty decanter.

"Are you drunk?" I look up at him, a sheepish smile on my face. "Not yet." I laugh and his chocolate brown eyes gaze into mine. I unconsciously hold my breath, he looked insanely pretty from this proximity. I try get off of the bar stool as he tries to hold me back stabilizing me again, fixing the white sweater. I huff at him. "I'm not drunk, I swear." I whine, hearing a deep chuckle leave his throat. His big hand engulfs mine as he holds onto to it, my soft skin grazing against his slightly calloused palms. He places a cold glass of water in my hand.

He starts gathering the wineglass and nearly empty decanter in front of me and puts them away. I press my lips onto the edge of the glass, sipping onto the water as I follow his movement from behind it. A sudden familiar tune makes me jerk my head around, looking for the origin of the sound. I catch the glowing screen of my phone, left at the dinner table. I get off the bar stool, half-full glass still in my hand as I make my way towards it.

I pick it up, taking notice of the anonymous number calling me. I glance up at Virgil, seeing that he's still busy with cleaning up and look back at my phone again. Who would be calling my phone at eight thirty in the evening? My finger hovers over the green circle, eventually pressing it quickly, lifting the phone up to my ear, my left hand fidgeting with the glass.

"Hello?" I mutter, holding my breath awaiting an answer back. I catch Virgil turning around, eyeing me confused, but his face relaxes when he realizes I'm on the phone.

I furrow my eyebrows, my face twisting into confusion as no one speaks back, the only sound being of someone's breathing in my ear. I start pulling the phone away from my ear, but I freeze at the sound of someone's voice breaking the silence.

"Now you're picking up the phone? you fucking bitch!" The person shouts, a sinister tone lacing his voice. Theo.

I gasp, jolting at the voice. My hand jerks, letting the glass of water slip through my hands. The loud sound of the glass splitting into millions of pieces deafening my ears. Water splashes up, pieces of glass cut through my skin, a painful stinging feeling on my face. My eyes widen in shock, disassociating for a second before I'm pulled out of it by Virgil's hands on my waist, gently carrying me away from the glass.

I blink multiple times, trying to focus at what just happened. My hand falls to my side, the screen being seen by Virgil as he takes it out of my hand, hanging up on the caller.

"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" He mutters, looking very worried. He grips onto my shoulders, shaking me slightly. I avert my eyes to him, eyes still wide in shock.

Tears cloud my vision, gathering at the corner of my eyes before rolling down my cheeks. I feel his thumb caressing them away, his other hand traveling to my nape and pulling me into his chest. I shake in his hold, his arm wrapping around my shoulder as he caresses my hair.

I feel his shirt become wet as my tears fall.

"It's okay, you're safe." He mutters into my ear softly, his frame enveloping me tightly. My breath hitches, pulling away from him and noticing the blood- and some make up stains on his shirt.

"Blood and the glass- I'm so sorry-" he shushes me, wiping away the tears falling down. "It's fine. You're the one bleeding, again." I look up at him with glossy eyes, he was right. I kept getting myself in these bloody embarrassing situations, with him.

He glances down my body, noticing some cuts on my legs as well. His arm travels down to the back of my knees, stabilizing his hold on my back before carrying me bridal style onto his big sofa.

He puts me down in the corner of the sofa gently, the soft fabric pressing comfortably against my skin. He walks away and comes back with a first-aid kit, treating the small cuts carefully.

"Who was that calling you hm?" His gaze pierces into my eyes. I avert his gaze, focusing on him treating my cuts instead. "Do you know the caller?" He presses on, treating the last cut on my face, a silent curse ringing through my mind.

"y/n- tell me." His fingers pinch my chin, lifting my face to meet his gaze. I let out a silent huff before pulling my legs up to my chest, he grabs the blanket on the edge of the couch, draping it over my naked legs.

I open my mouth to speak, my eyes wandering around the house, fidgeting with the blanket. Was I really about to trauma dump on my patient?

"I- it's personal I can't-" he interrupts a stern look on his face. "y/n." I sigh, a lump forming in my throat, I try swallowing it down.

"My ex- it was my ex boyfriend." I breathe out, scanning his face for a change of expressions. He furrows his brows, looking at me skeptically.

"There's more to it. Am I right?" He says softly, caressing the palm of my hand.

I swallow again, trying to croak out the words I had been keeping to myself this entire time. "Tell me." He encourages.

"We dated for five years, met him when working for Ajax, moved with me to Barcelona later. His mother is a big sponsor in the football industry. I broke up with him after he started becoming- more and more- umh abusive and controlling. That's why I got a job at this club and moved here." My voice cracks towards the end of my sentence.

A soft hum leaves his lips, a tender look in his eyes. "I'm sorry." "It's not your fault obviously, I just got shocked by hearing his voice. I'm sorry for the glass and your shirt-." I narrow my eyes at the mess next to the dining table, fragments of glass and water everywhere.

"It's okay. It's fine, as long as you're fine." He mumbles and I almost don't catch the end of his sentence.

"Do you want to watch a movie? To take your mind off it hm?" His voice a little deeper as he looks at me waiting for answer. I nod, too exhausted from the roller coaster of emotions I experienced in a short amount of time to reply with words.

He turns on the TV, across us, mounted on the huge wall. The bright light emitting from it making me cringe and squint my eyes. I shift from my position, sinking back into the sofa. He chooses a movie I had never heard of, the soft blaring of the actors calming me down as Virgil sits back as well, our bodies closer now.

A warm, comfortable feeling seeps into my chest, my eyes fluttering shut. My last conscious memory being, my forehead touching something broad and warm, a hand caressing my hair softly.

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