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choochooboss · 3 months

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Introducing your station master & Magma event host!

Since there's already a lot of passengers visiting this station and I haven't spared much time to get to know my fellow submas fans over Tumbrl yet, an introduction would be in place!

I'm Jun, nice to meet you! *offers a hand for for a shake* I am a devoted submas artist & a monthly Magma event host! I go by ChooChooBoss everywhere (Twitter/Bsky/Twitch/Ko-Fi)!

This will be a long post! I will write a short intro as well which you can just skim through but here is a more in depth view how I got into submas, my other interests and life in general, in case you'd wish to know more about your conductor on this silly train!

How did I get into submas in the first place?

PLA. I met this certain mysterious & cool fellow time traveler and got curious! After the cave scene I went to read his Wiki, found out about Emmet, and... yeah. The emotional impact blasted me right out of a miserable cycle I was going through back then and set my soul on fire!! A month later I set up my first art account on Twitter, and the rest is history. They've become my greatest source of strength and inspiration and I enjoy drawing them every single day!

I love both twins very much! I tend to vibe with Ingo a little more than Emmet, but I draw Emmet more. People say I remind of butler Ingo the most, hehe. I certainly don't mind because I'm a big fan of butlermas!! In fact I got into submas & started playing Pokémon Masters EX in April 2022, a week before butler Ingo banner rolled in, so they truly got a special place in my heart ahah! (pssst draw more butlermas for me pls pls pls-)

However I don't draw warden Ingo as much as I would like to. I still get pretty emotional over his fate ahah, I can't draw him without a single tear! This sweet & kind man leading a good life and being an inspiration to others has been torn from literally everything he had for seemingly no reason apart from his name, clothes and the muscle memory and even those are barely intact. It seems like a miracle he's still standing and breathing after put through everything judging by the wear and tear on his uniform and body. Despite all that he carries a positive attitude, assists everyone in need, and does his best to help people and pokémon understand each other, unconditionally... Oh, my face is wet again...

My other interests besides submas?

Monster Hunter! Zelda! Genshin Impact! Super Mario! Trine! Crash Team Racing! And many many more! My favourite genres are platformers, kart racers, and action games, with a side of rhythm games. I'm a big fan of co-op games! I also watch my sis play JRPGs!

Monster Hunter is the dearest to me out of all. I've been hunting for well over a decade starting from MHFU. The games have charmed me with their incredibly satisfying combat system, world building, creature design, great attention to detail, character customisation and the games being nearly fully co-op!!

Other things I do:

Pokémon is practically the only turn-based game I enjoy, mainly because of the characters and collection aspect. However!! I adore Pokémon Colosseum (the first pkmn game I ever played!) and it's double battle focus, so The Indigo Disc has been a delight after the long starvation for double battles, coming up with different combinations makes the battles much more fun to me!!... I sound like Emmet here do I ahahah! We also share the fact we are both left-handed!

Shuffle dancing, daily pull-ups, and expanding my ever growing VGM collection! I also enjoy traveling and taking photos to keep as a diary! I've played piano in a music school for 9 years, and I can also play kalimba. I've done casual boxing, gymnastics, horse riding and medieval swordfighting. I used to read comics/manga and watch movies and anime but nowadays I barely do that, I just rather use that time for drawing instead of just sitting and watching, unless I have company!

I share the apartment with my anxious brother and our two sweet female cats, Laku (11, stubborn and cuddly) and Kalevi (21, demanding and full of love) in a city center. My parents are both entrepreneurs and run a farm in the countryside & I have 4 siblings with me as the middle kid!

Where can you meet me?

I am a game artist by profession, with 4 yrs of studies and roughly 7 years of EXP in the field doing game art, UI design, character/prop design, in mobile games as well as PC titles, 2D and 3D. At the moment I am looking for work; I keep up the motivation and learn new skills by running my art accounts while looking for new opportunities.

I hail from the land of darkness, snow, salmiakki, metalheads and renownly reserved people, Finland! (UTC+2)

Despite having my roots here I am pretty much the opposite of a typical Finn in almost every sense ahah! I'm a small guy who's not afraid talking to strangers and laughs a lot. And I dislike coffee for the contrary, it's very popular amongst finns.

With the inspiration from submas I've finally stepped into the world of cosplay so you can usually meet this small and excitable Ingo in the biggest local conventions, Desucon and Tracon! Come say hi!

About my social battery:

I'm both social and socially anxious ahah! I love making new friends and talking to all sorts of people and writing comments, and gathering together with my mutuals to do cool stuff together! However my social battery is very small... I often struggle with my AD(H)D and anxiety issues, so my replies can be extremely slow. I'm easily overwhelmed when life gets busy and I deal with it by withdrawing to minimise the the stimuli and then sorting my stuff out one by one. This is a frustrating shortcoming, but I'm working hard to find a balance I can maintain without getting exhausted. Please be patient with me! If you don't hear from me in a while, please don't take it personally! In fact, it makes me really happy if you contact me, for any purpose!

Which pronouns do I go with?

I go by they/them! I am also aroace, so if I appear to show any sort of romantic interest, it's definitely not that. I love meeting new people and am quite interested in people in general so I'm excited to get to know you better, but the thing is... I have been confusing people on several occassions for saying things that could be taken as flirting. I am terribly sorry for that, that's just the way I show how I care!

I don't really identify myself by any specific gender either, but rather by my roles or interests (Magma host, submas fan, game artist etc.). Submas encouraged me to enjoy dressing formally even if I'm just sitting at home, because I love formal clothing in general and wearing them makes me feel confident and stand taller! I usually wear collar shirts and black or white slacks.

More about my AD(H)D:

I don't have an official diagnosis but deal with the same problems as AD(H)D people do; poor work memory, dissociation, hyperfocus (drawing and people), sleep deprivation, impulsiveness (juggling too many things and going with the wind), getting sensory/information overloads, and feeling like I don't fit in. I figured it out after I finished school & lost my job for that I am unable to handle big tasks without anyone giving me directions. It has taken a while but I've figured out things that help me manage my daily life as well as have a medication that mainly boosts my capability to get things started which is another great struggle ahah.

How do I manage to keep myself on track?

I use a Pomodoro timer to keep up a good flow and remember to take breaks! This is what I use the most:

I should set it up on my tablet as well. I think it's really cool to see how many hours I have actually put into drawing! Last year I clocked in well over 3k hours, ahaha!

How to catch me?

Right now I have great difficulty managing replies, but usually you can reach me by DMs! I check Discord and Twitter the most often! However I must ask you to respect my current DNI status. It means I am really overwhelmed so I wish nobody comes asking for my attention until it has been lifted, unless it's really necessary. I really love talking to you all but I also have to accept and deal with my own limits strictly like this or it won't work out.

What am I working on at the moment?

Besides the holiday set I have several short comics under works as well as one big comic (100+ pages!). That one is my personal greatest goal! I started working on it in June 2022 and I have currently 40+ pages sketched and 60+ thumbnailed.

I was afraid of starting any comic projects before submas, but the sheer excitement over them carried me over that personal wall ahah!

The story's beginning and end are looking good and somewhat functional but there's still a lot to work to do and holes to fill in the middle before I dare to start fleshing out the pages. I have little experience in writing or comic making so I hope you forgive if some things don't make sense or the dialogue is a little on the nose so to say ahah!

The story will be packed with action with the overall tone being on the darker side, but it sure won't be lacking in humor! The project's main goal is to make it a celebration of all things submas & to prove to myself I can handle a big scale project despite my shortcomings!

This train has reached the terminal!

Thank you for riding my silly submas train!! I adore reading all your tags and comments! They brighten up my day & fuel my passion even more!! I hope to bring many more fun things for you to look forward to!! See you again soon!

ALL ABOARD!!

#Personal #Introduction

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quinloki · 29 days

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Sooo imagine reader/ y/n escapes, they get to an island for a couple months evade capture but then marinford happens and the wb pirates are disbanded/scatters or doin there own thing but one of them end up on the same island as y/n with the obsession still intact and finding them again has rekindled it even more.

How would they react on when they're alone without the other's input?would they contact each other and group up? what would be going through their heads?

(yan au where everyone survives except wb)

💧-anon

(feel free to completely ignore my ramblings but i have so many things i think ab and need to tell/ask ❤️)

I feel how someone would react would depend on the crew member. I'm not going to hit up everyone, just my usual suspects, so bear with me.

CW: Yandere, dub con / non con vibes, nothing explicit a lot of what ifs and summaries.

Marco would not contact anyone else. I love this man, but Yandere Marco is POSSESSIVE. He shares you with his brothers only because they are his brothers. If no one else ended up on this island with you and him then that's a them problem, and not HIS problem.

Depending on the manner of your escape would depend how Marco was, but regardless of if he thinks you left or were stolen away, he'll be delighted to have you back. You'll never leave his sight again, and if you do have to be away from him for any reason he'll make sure he knows where you are.

You will drown in him, whether its his love or his anger, but he will mark you, fill you up, and leave you exhausted and delirious more than not.

Ace would contact the others. He'd be so relieved to see you safe, and whether anyone else thought you left, he'd be convinced it had to be against your will. He'll be seeking reassurance to that end, and if you're smart you're going to give it to him. Shore up your story if you need it with Ace's help, because the other will be far harder to convince, even if what you're telling is the truth.

Whatever happens, and however things play out though, you'll always run into Ace. He'll pop out of the ground like a fucking daisy sometimes, scaring the hell out of you even though that wasn't his intent. But playful or endearing, don't think for a second it's accidental.

If you don't reassure him, if you do tell him you left because you wanted to, his reaction will be worse. He'll claim you as his and you'll probably have burn scars by the time the others arrive. It'll take Marco weeks to get you back into some sort of semblance of who you were - assuming he can even soothe the scars.

Thatch will let you set the narrative, and hell he'll even let you decide if he reaches out to anyone else or not. If you want to elope with just him, he'd be more than happy to oblige. He doesn't mind sharing with his brothers, but he won't deny such a heart felt confession and plea from you either.

He's likely to do to you what Marco would, making love to you until you're a pile of mush, exhausted and almost out of your mind. His stamina far exceeds your own, and he has months of catching up to do, he's missed you so much. And don't worry, he'll feed you and make sure you're hydrated, even clean your home, and earn money, you'll be too tired to worry about any of that anyway.

With Izou in the mix the rope burns on your joints are apt to become permanent. It doesn't matter if you say you didn't want to leave, you'll never be able to be taken away so easily ever again. He'll let the others know about you, and your fate will probably be decided by committee.

You will be under the influence of something when you're questioned, so unless you're really good at lying that's not going to be an option here. You're likely to survive your punishment, for better or worse, but whatever island you end up on with everyone (whoever constitutes everyone), the islanders are going to understand your position in the crew. Or misunderstand it.

but the only friends you'll have will be the brothers that take care of you. You'll want for nothing, save maybe freedom.

#quin answers #anon asks #yandere #cw yandere #reader insert #x reader #marco the phoenix #izou one piece #thatch one piece #portgas d ace

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ghostiiess · 6 months

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[NSB HEADCANONS] - making your apartment spooky with justin

pov: title says it all!

warnings: some swears here and there, i think that’s all? Let me know if there’s more!

type: fluff

member: justin phan

REBLOGS AND LIKES ARE VERY APPRECIATED!

so you guys just finished shopping

this year, with your boyfriend justin, you both decided that it would be a great thing to do a halloween party in your appartment

but of course, to make a good and unforgettable halloween party, you need to decorate the place!!

otherwise, it is not really a halloween party, it’s just….well, a party

(More under the cut!)

so jp offered his help to decorate your apartment with you!

« I’m telling you babe… in 2h, this apartment will looks spooky af! »

this man was ready.

you only asked him to bring his bluetooth speaker

this man brought your favorite fall drink, and A LOT of decorations

like this man bought stuff for like $100...

you will have enough decoration, i think.

you already had some decorations in your apartment, but this man bought even more (bc he said “what if we miss any?”)

you won’t have to go out for buying some more

at least, i hope not 😂

btw, he forgot the bluetooth speaker.

“Omg, I totally forgot!”

he would put the music on your tv or something like that

he would put a halloween music playlist

“this is the best halloween song, don’t you agree baby?”

and he would vibe so much, he would not be able to stop dancing or like sing the song

this man knows how to decorate a room!!

like idk how to explain it, but he knows where things goes

he knows how to make a great ambience with the decorations and what to buy…

i hope you understand what im trying to say 😅

“more to the left…. okay, now that’s too much.. just a little bit more to the right and you’re all set”

he would try to scare you with jumpscares

then fail.

“i bought this halloween mask just for you"

yes, you heard him.

he spent $15 for a halloween mask that didnt even scared you.

also, he would put fake spider and bats on your wall, i hope you are not scared of them…

“this is starting to look great!”

he also bought fake spider web

“spiderman will come to us!”

he would be so concentrated…

like, he would not stop until your apartment look spooky

“do you think we should add this banner on this wall?”

“you look so cute when you’re all focused like that..”

he would not be able to stop smiling

“my love, you are doing such a great job!”

“sweetie? could you help me for a sec?”

he would be the type to let you decorate for a while just bc he was busy making you something sweet to eat (or to drink)

“because you worked so well, you deserve this lil’ reward”

he’s a cutie :(

he would put LED light in your bathroom, in the living room, literally everywhere he can hahaha

also, he would tease you so much

you would put a fake monster mask and he would be like 😐😐

but then, when you would take it off, he would be like 🫨🫨

"damn, your face scared me! put that thing back on!"

he is only teasing, i promise you

but he's still a lil' bastard to say that 🤪😚😇

just kidding, ily jp

after a lot of preparation, decorations, making snacks, blablablaaaa..

it was the halloween party!!

let's say everyone LOVED how your apartment was decored

i would like to say that most of your decorations were still perfectly intact after the party, but it would be a lie…

the 4h of decoration n preparation was worth it 😌

you did a party with 7 boys (and their girls) full of energy (okay 6 if we don't count ryan bc watching animes > partying) + there was some alcohol…

phan bought soju !!

if you can't drink / not in the age to drink, he would make you juice or a special drink

drinks that taste like alcohol, but that don't have any alcohol in it?

anyways! hope your enjoyed your halloween party with jp

yes idk how to end this rip

taglist! (open! send an ask if you'd like to be in it!) : @nsb-rkive @kentisbaby @firebenderwolf @hyuneee0 @yawnzzznnn @ghostyycat7

bold can't be tagged.

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gotylocks · 1 year

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Willow Ep. 5- "Wildwood"

I feel like this episode was the first one that threw the standard fantasy vibe out the window and it was the right choice. If you're going into this show expecting LOTR or GOT, you're gonna be disappointed, but I love it. From the moment the driving rock guitar kicks in and the chase is on, it's clear this is a show more interested in fun than being deadly serious, and I realized how much it reminds me of A Knight's Tale (which rules).

But that's not really what I want to write about. Something that drives me crazy in shows is when characters refuse to just communicate with each other, and this is the episode that deals with that. Over the first 4 episodes, everyone had secrets they were keeping, and now while some secrets are intact, many others are brought into the open in a way that brings the party closer. This was the first time it felt like the party actually likes each other, which was very nice.

While a lot of stuff happens, I think this episode hinges on Kit and Jade's relationship more than the others. You have the intense emotional outburst from Kit when she's scared for Jade's safety (with Ruby Cruz letting out some absolutely heartbreaking screams of Jade's name), but then you have the truth plums bringing out both of their repressed feelings at long last.

This episode also recontextualizes the kiss from the first episode. That was their first kiss, given in a moment of passion, but Kit did it thinking she wasn't going to see Jade again. This is a big deal because it's been hanging over them ever since, neither one of them wanting to deal with what it meant for them. It is clear from episode 1, scene 1, these girls are crazy about each other, but I read it as neither of them understand that yet.

The way this is slowly developed, oddly enough at first, through Kit's discussions with Elora, is wonderful because it actually moves the romance with Jade forward while also giving us the first look at a real friendship with Elora. They are adorable while trying to get out of their cell and I can't wait for more.

Kit and Jade, in the woods, putting their honest feelings out into the open is huge. You feel the weight of their years of friendship, the fear that Kit has to admit how badly she needs Jade in her life to the point she is crying, the relief Jade has as she finally confesses her love. The incredible tension between them as they inch closer and closer, desperate to kiss but scared to finally take that step together, reminds me of a lyric by Pom Pom Squad (who also provided the cover of "Crimson and Clover" for this episode):

"I need you closer and you're not even an inch away" - Red With Love

The interruption at the hands of the trolls is frustrating, but it means that when they're finally reunited, nothing is going to stop that kiss from happening again and it's going to be awesome.

Kit and Jade are giving me the type of lesbian romance story I've always wanted and episode 6 can't get here soon enough.

#willow 2022 #willow spoilers #kit tanthalos #jade claymore #kit x jade #tanthamore

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mvsicinthedvrk · 3 months

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valentines minievent masquerade ball starter call!

i'm limiting each to only a few starters but may add more slots later. i tried to include some baisc information about what everyone is doing, though this is not technically a ~plotting~ call. but if you want to plot beforehand, just send me a dm-- otherwise, if you request a starter, i'll take a look at your plotting/starter call and just come up with something that seems like it'd make sense. please only request 3-4 total starters, since i have limited characters and want to make sure i can write with everyone! thanks for your consideration!

wei wuxian-- going with lan wangji! he's going to be dragging his husband lan zhan around the museum to see absolutely everything, and he'll spend a good deal of the night on the dance floor, too. last valentines day was a disaster, so he's looking forward to having a nice time for once, without worrying. he's very naturally chatty, so if your muse needs someone to talk with, he's right there. wei wuxian starters for wen qing (kasey), jiang yanli (aria), ??-- (2/3)

xie lian-- going with hua cheng! not only does he get to spend valentines day with his memories finally intact, but the ball also falls during spring festival, which xie lian cares very much about. so he's looking forward to having a wonderful time with all the people he loves. if he separates from hua cheng at all during the evening, he'll try to find his friends, and he'll share a dance or a snack with anyone. shoutout to mu qing, who helped him choose his outfit. xie lian starters for feng xin (kasey), kieran hunter (atlas), shen qiao (june), sophie hatter (maig), ?? -- (4/5)

he xuan-- going with shi qingxuan! he xuan imagines he'll likely be here until the very end of the ball, given how enthusiastic his date is about these sorts of things. he'll basically just be going along with whatever qingxuan wants to do, and won't try to draw much attention to himself. he'll also be found near the snack table for a good portion of the evening. he xuan starters for shi qingxuan (sunny), patch (atlas), ??-- (2/3)

sha hualing-- she's neither going with a planned date nor a blind date, though she's keeping an eye out for hunter lance-sharpe at the ball. sha hualing will mostly be finding interesting places to take photos, and see if she can be a nuisance to her friends on dates. she's never opposed to causing a little trouble either. sha hualing starters for doom (atlas), zoe rivas (hali), ?? - (2/3)

liu qingge-- on a blind date with tadashi hamada (atlas's muse)! so qingge has no charisma. he has no romantic experience. he has no real understanding of what valentines day is, and his mask will barely count as a mask. but he should get points for being here at all, truly. he will do his best to stick it out for a few hours. liu qingge starters for ?? - (0/3)

dongfang qingcang-- going with xiao lanhua, with extraordinary reluctance. he will immediately look for reasons why they should head home before chaos strikes. in fact, chaos is just another name for xiao lanhua left unsupervised so it's not looking like the night will be in his favor. dongfang qingcang starters for xiao lanhua (kasey), rory gilmore (atlas), ?? -- (2/3)

chu wanning-- going with mo ran. chu wanning is very excited about this, but he'll be equally stressed about overthinking everything about the evening. he won't risk doing anything that would lead to him embarrassing himself so he'll be staying away from both the dance floor and the bar. chu wanning starters for ?? -- (0/3)

filippa kosta-- going with their girlfriend, amara! she didn't feel much like wearing a ball gown, so she'll be in a blazer of sorts. the concept of valentine's day is 'sweet,' in theory, so they'll be socializing as well as trying to show amara a good time. keeping things very chill and if your muse needs someone to vibe with in a corner of the room, they can go find filippa. filippa starters for mei nianqing (sunny), ?? -- (1/3)

qi yan-- qi yan's going with her wife, nangong jingnu! she'll also be dressed in a blazer and trousers. honestly, catch her taking in the museum sights (because she never has time to come see it otherwise) and making sure her wife doesn't get too drunk. qi yan starters for yin yu (sunny), ?? -- (1/3)

kaz brekker-- kaz is not actively anti-valentines day but he is the most apathetic about this holiday that a person could possibly be. i will send him to the ball because i think he'd use it as an opportunity to talk to business connections while they're all masked, or maybe pick some pockets, but he is not too excited about the ~valentine's~ aspect of it at all. kaz starters for zoya nazyalensky (moon), will herondale (siri), jesper fahey (june) -- (3/3. SLOTS CLOSED)

mo xi-- going solo, though he'll be keeping an eye out for gu mang. this is his first valentine's day in the city, and he doesn't really know what the day is all about, though he's slowly picking up on it the more decorations he sees. someone please take pity on him and come talk to him even though he doesn't look super welcoming. mo xi starters for bryce quinlan (kasey), ?? -- (1/3)

pei ming-- on a blind date with rebecca barnes (kow's muse)! let's just say that valentine's day is the busiest time of pei ming's year. 💀 he sees opportunities for short-lived romantic entanglements everywhere, and he thinks there's plenty of him to go around. but he's going to try to be a gentleman like rebecca seems to want, at least for now. pei ming starters for xuan ji (moon ?), shi wudu (kasey), ling wen (june), rebecca barnes (kow) -- (4/4. SLOTS CLOSED)

xiao chiye-- going solo. he's only here to make an appearance and see if he can catch sight of some of his friends. despite recently having some direct dance instruction, he probably won't be dancing. instead, he'll be taking full advantage of the open bar. xiao chiye starters for nie huaisang (sunny), shen zechuan (june), ?? -- (2/3)

lu junyi-- on a blind date with aluma ruairi (megan's muse)! junyi loves love and will be leaning fully into the valentines aesthetic, heart eyes all the way. if your muses need encouragement to get into the spirit, just look for her and she'll try to gently prod them into the holiday spirit. lu junyi starters for aluma ruairi (megan), ?? -- (1/3)

feng yu-- on a blind date with celeste kipper (sammy's muse)! he is here for just a nice, very regular time. his expectations are respectably neither high nor low, but you'll likely find him around the snack table making very mediocre small talk. or caught up reading every single plaque on every one of the smithsonian exhibitions. feng yu starters for ?? -- (0/3)

#hw: starter call #hwminievent6 #long post tw

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thescrumblingmidwife · 7 months

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what advice would you give to a trans person who is terrified of getting health checks such as pap smears? I'm generally rather touch-averse and that doubled with the dysphoria makes it very scary to think about.

Hi Anon,

This is a topic close to my heart, because I myself am touch-averse and have a trauma response to pelvic examinations. I also want to make sure everyone understands why it's important to get pap smears!

Let's start with what pap smears are, why they're important, and who they are for. Maybe understanding that will be the first step in finding the strength and courage to go through with them.

QUICK ANATOMY & PHYSIOLOGY LESSON - THE PAP SMEAR

What is a pap smear for?

Your cervix is the gateway to your uterus, sitting atop the vagina. It's a thick ring of muscle that is normally closed, opening just a tiny bit for menses to escape (the sensation of the muscle opening is what causes cramps).

Now, the trouble comes when cervical cells have been infected with a virus called human papillomavirus (or HPV) - especially certain "high-risk" strains. HPV is very common in the human population - almost everyone sexually active has had it at some time, with about 50% of infections being a high-risk type. Most people just clear the virus themselves and never even know. But sometimes, this viral infection will start a process of dysplasia (basically growing weird cells), which can be the start of cervical cancer.

The job of a pap smear is to check the cervical cells for dysplastic changes that indicate things might progress towards cancer, or for the virus itself. (What it looks for specifically depends on your age and previous results, but the process is the same for you). When lesions are found early, they are VERY easily treatable. The pap smear saves thousands of lives every year by preventing cervical cancers.

How is a pap smear performed?

A device called a speculum will need to be inserted into your vagina to hold open the walls of the vagina and allow the provider to visualize the cervix. Once this is in place, a soft brush-like device is passed up through the vagina, pressed against the cervix, and swirled around several times to collect cells. This may feel weird or uncomfortable, but shouldn't cause pain. Most people don't feel it at all, the speculum being the worst part. The whole thing takes about one minute.

Separate from the pap smear, the provider may also perform a bimanual exam, which is when they insert fingers from one hand into the vagina while pressing down on the abdomen, to look for masses, abnormalities or tenderness.

Who needs a pap smear?

CURRENTLY (as of 2023), everyone with an intact cervix who is 21 or older is recommended to get pap smears, regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, or sexual history. Between ages 21-29, you should go every 3 years, and after age 30, every 5 years (depending on results - if you get a positive, you would need more frequent observation).

If you are older than 21 and have never had any kind of sexual contact with anyone at all (including hands, mouths, or sharing toys!), you can discuss with your provider to see if a modified schedule may make sense based on your risk level.

Note: The HPV vaccine may change these recommendations in the future! I strongly recommend getting the vaccine if you have not already!

---

OK, Anon. With that public service announcement out of the way, let's talk about the real meat of your question.

The best thing I can recommend is to take the time to find a provider you vibe with. Someone with whom you feel safe, with whom you have mutual respect. See if your local LGTBQIA+ support group has recommendations, or if any clinics in your area have providers that specialize in LGTBQIA+ or trauma-informed care. Call and ask providers questions about how they handle people who struggle with pelvic exams. Generally, avoid crusty old men.

A good provider will warn you before ever touching any part of your body, go slowly, and ask permission each time, and stop the second you tense up. A GREAT provider will make you feel in control the whole time - they may let you insert the speculum yourself and not make you use stirrups if they're triggering for you. Medical consent is the same as sexual consent - just because you're disrobed in that room doesn't mean you need to let anyone touch you. You do not have to undergo a pap smear with a provider you don't trust. You are allowed to walk away.

Other things to try:

You can ask for a short-acting anti-anxiety medicine, like Xanax, to take before the visit, provided you've got a ride.

You can bring a companion, or ask for a nurse to hold your hand.

Chat nonstop, tell stupid jokes, or listen to music on headphones, whatever kind of distraction works best for you.

Meditate, practice belly breathing, really focus on full body relaxation, especially of the pelvic muscles

Remind yourself that it's one minute every few years for the piece of mind that you won't get cancer.

Be open to the possibility that it won't be as bad as you're fearing.

Know that you are brave and strong. You can do hard things. You can do anything for one minute.

If any other trans folx out there want to share tips with Anon for how to navigate gynecologic exams, please share!

#reproductive health #sex education #midwifery #gynecologic care #pap smear #pelvic exams #gender affirming care #lgtbqia+#transgender #trans health care

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struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor · 8 months

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Re the dazed interview, I've been struggling with connecting to jungkook because sometimes he has ended up coming off kind of fame-hungry in a non substantive way, but the way he framed his ambitions in this interview didn't come off that way to me so it's easier for me to understand where he's coming from. I'm still not totally sure what he's imagining for himself or if that end point is something I'll personally vibe with, but either way I hope he gets that clarity and can achieve it. I am really hoping that he takes his album in a different direction from seven genre-wise, and I thought maybe he was hinting at that! Which would be super exciting

As an aside, I thought it was kind of funny how jungkook got that gut-feeling about both I Need U and Seven, bc they are such totally different songs quality-wise (imo, but seven wasn't my thing)

Regarding the Dazed interview, he said a lot of insightful stuff about confidence, being patient with himself, following his instincts, being okay with not having a plan, etc., but it was the part about his general ambitions as an artist that I couldn't really understand. Jungkook himself acknowledged that he's not quite sure what he's supposed to be, only that he isn't the singer he dreamed of being yet.

The thing is, we want BTS to be the biggest stars on the planet, to be loved and known by everyone, and we stream and promote them to help them achieve that goal. We do so because we believe that their music is superior, that their performances are superior, that they have a message everyone needs to hear, that they're hardworking and kind, that they love their fans, that being Army can save lives, etc. If BTS themselves talk about climbing higher and getting bigger, we don't think they're being fame-hungry, because what else are idol groups supposed to aim for? We want them to break down the walls that exist for Asian artists, and poc and non-English speaking artists in general. There's this understanding that, as long as their artistry remains intact, BTS deserve to take over the planet - that's the only path for them. This last point is important because it's precisely why the English trilogy was so poorly received, even among Army. Some fans felt that they had compromised their artistry, which made them no better than the countless artists who are super famous even if their music is nothing special. BTS deserves fame because, unlike a lot of famous people, their talent, quality of music, and personalities match their success. However, Jungkook, by releasing a mediocre song like Seven to achieve success in the West, is pulling a Dynamite, and being equally criticized. His ambition, which is really the same ambition BTS have when they release music - to grow bigger, chart better, sell better, please as many fans as possible - comes across as greedy when he seemingly puts success first, music second. It's okay to want success, as long as you don't compromise the quality of your work. But BTS have indicated many times that there's no such thing as "quality music" - there's successful music and music that is less successful. DNA, BWL, Dynamite, Butter, PTD, My Universe were successful in their books, although these are some of the most critiqued BTS songs. But it doesn't matter, because the success of the songs literally speaks for itself and indicates that releasing them was the right thing to do. They gained more fans and fans seem to love the songs. BTS's main goal is to please the fans they love and who love them back. What Jungkook describes with Seven is the same thing. He wanted a song that would do well commercially, like all BTS title tracks in particular are supposed to do. The fact that there wasn't some bigger meaning to the lyrics and the he wasn't involved in the production were negatives in the fans' eyes though.

What Jungkook is doing isn't all that different from what BTS do, except that BTS's music is overall perceived as superior, meaningful, and unique, whereas Jungkook is more or less following a formula and emulating people like Bieber or CP, whom we don't like. Still, recent BTS music is criticized the same way as Jungkook's.

Your comment comparing Seven to INU encapsulates what I'm trying to say perfectly. INU was released because BTS were struggling to gain fans and didn't even know if they had a future as a group. Thus, they abandoned their rougher and rap heavy sound and lyricism, and went for something softer and more romantic that appealed to their female fans and to the GP in general. They quite literally "sold out". But no one sees it that way because the song is so well liked. Seven is just like INU - a song made to appeal to a broad audience and to give Jungkook more exposure and a certain image and reputation. It's a rebranding of Jungkook, like INU was for BTS.

Regarding Jungkook's ambitions, it's hard to understand what he means by becoming "bigger" or "cooler", or why he wants to become a big pop star when he already is one by everyone's definition. This interview did clear up the confusion a bit. I think it's like I suspected. Jungkook grew up admiring people like Bieber - he likes his music, but I imagine that what he likes the most is his reach. Bieber's songs speak to a very broad audience, are catchy and easy listens. Making simple music that speaks to the biggest amount of listeners is, to Jungkook, a huge achievement. It's not about money or records, but more about him measuring success as a singer by the amount of people his music and voice reach and speak to. He wants to reach as much audience as possible, and songs like Seven allow him to.

Jungkook loved Seven from the beginning. He loved how catchy it was and how he didn't grow tired of it. To him, that meant the song was perfect - catchy, fun, accessible, bright, "timeless". Jungkook's standards for good pop music are these. The song being "basic" or having meaningless lyrics was inconsequential. He doesn't see the song as basic and he likes the lyrics as they are. Jungkook, at least for now, doesn't want to make "unique" music per se (that's probably a bonus). He wants to make music for everyone. Imo, this is obviously in conflict with what Army wants. We want meaningful music that stands out from most pop music. That's why we like BTS and why a lot of us like kpop. Furthermore, Jungkook is the only member (Jin hasn't truly debuted as a soloist yet) who isn't taking chapter 2 as an opportunity to try something different (ie. not easy pop) and worry less about how appealing to the GP.

Hobi released old school hip hop, RM did everything he wanted music wise and his promos were all about combining his love for art with his love for music (he said he cared about charts, but he still released Wild Flower as a tt), Suga also cares about charts but D-Day is not easily digestible regardless of softer tracks and he went all out in creating a powerful narrative that connects the album and the trilogy as a whole, Jimin wrote Face to heal from the pandemic and Like Crazy and Letter are the only easy listens in the album, which was quite dark, V promoted Layover like an idol, but the album itself is catered to V specifically and not the GP or even Army. Meanwhile, Jungkook released something with the GP in mind and promoted more like a pop artist and less like an idol. His approach to his solo career is different. He didn't try to release music BTS wouldn't release as a group (though BTS wouldn't release Seven with those lyrics), or to cater to the fans with his promo like Jimin (by that I mean that Jimin really went ouf of his way to create content for Army). He didn't try to find his own color as an artist either, though he's inevitably doing so. Jungkook's trying to reinvent himself somewhat - at least, our perception of him - not as a soloist, but as Jungkook of BTS. Imo, he isn't telling us "this is Jung Kook, soloist", but "this is Jungkook, soloist, and Jungkook of BTS. This is just Jungkook". He's not trying to explore his musical interests per se, but more like trying out what he likes to prove he has range and show people, and himself, he can do anything. He's challenging himself like the other members, but it's less about the music and more about what the music can do for him, if that makes sense? Jimin also shares that motivation of proving himself and growing as an artist, but he seems to be more focused on specific skills - singing, dancing, songwriting - whereas Jungkook is more focused on versatility, creating a specific image of himself, surprising people. He's always trying to get better at singing and dancing, but his biggest priority seems to be broadening the range of styles he can cover and adapting his performance so it looks "cooler", more relaxed. He's growing as an artist this way.

I don't know how else to put it. I think Jungkook's motivations in this chapter aren't that aligned with the other members' motivations or Army's expectations, and that is creating this disconnect between some of us and Jungkook.

Lastly, on the topic of the change in genre... I think his next single might be a different shade of pop, or even more RnB, but imo it will likely be relatively conventional, easy listening, and maybe also have explicit, sexual lyrics like many RnB songs. I don't have much faith that he will surprise us lyrically or put out something less GP friendly. He's rumored to be working with the Seven producers too, so how different can it be? Less Seven and more Unholy? That would be cool, but, yet again, we would get meaningless lyrics and no writing, composing or producing credits from him. I just hope there is no feature this time. I don't even know what he'll do for the MV. I feel like he's just going to take everything up a notch, to shock us even more, but, apart from making out with a woman in the next MV and appear shirtless, what else can he do?

Sorry this got so fucking long... I wanted to get that out of my chest. Thanks for the ask! Would love your take on this!

#ask #bts #jungkook #text #thanks for the ask!

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remyfire · 1 month

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The canoe life truly is lonely, but alas it is the life I make for myself. And I think you're absolutely right about how and why there is such a variety of different ships here! The rules are different during a situation like war, and the broad cast of characters plus the variety of recurring characters means there are so many different ways to push people together and have it make sense. Like I once had a friend ask who my main Hawkeye ship was and my response was that I never totally understood the term "fandom bicycle" until him and I think that also has to do with that vibe of anything goes. There are so many characters he interacts with and has a connection with that like... why *not* test those limits a little bit, you know?

I'm glad you enjoy the Mulcahy thoughts! And yeah I think his faith helped him get through the war mentally intact, but war also opened his eyes to a lot of things, to the point where I feel like a big realization like that isn't far off once he gets home. From working with so many people from so many different walks of life, he learns to see the world in a broader sense than just his Catholic worldview, and I think that makes him ripe for an epiphany of sorts. And GOD how could I forget about Trapper's names too? Like it certainly seems like he came from a Catholic family even if he no longer believes it himself, and I'd like to know where his undoing came into play. I also think he deserved more screentime with Mulcahy, I think the two of them would have given us some very fun scenes.

YESSSS all the love in CAVE!!! I can't even coherently put into words everything I felt while watching that episode because GOD it was all so much in the best way possible. I honestly never would have even thought of jealousy until you just mentioned it, because BJ so clearly cares so deeply about them both! And just the thought that BJ brought Hawkeye the little cup of comfort because he knew his friend was struggling, and then the way Hawkeye passes it immediately to Margaret before getting it back because he helps others every chance he get and he knew she needed it too! That honestly got me directly through the heart, god, I love them. CAVE was also such a good episode for the furthering of Margaret's friendship with the rest of the camp, in my opinion. For the first several seasons she wanted to always be in control and had kind of a "better than you" mindset that made her very unpopular with everyone else at camp. But watching her evolve past that has been so lovely and deserved! She's wonderful, and I think she could have some great relationships with the rest of the camp if she just allowed herself to. And this episode showed that so well!

I did have the thought recently that this show honestly is so timeless. There are obviously things that date it, but so many of the attitudes and feelings just transcend time. It sucks that we understand the negatives of course, but it's also just fascinating that everything else kind of makes sense as well. I'm not sure if I'm wording this the best, but so much of it feels modern, you know? It's just as good now as it was in the 70s, and I think that's a really powerful thing to be able to do with media. The prevalence of online communities to be able to meet other fans just makes it all the better.

(And no worries! Definitely make sure you're taking care of yourself. I hope things get better for you soon!)

Truly my favorite thing is that Hawk is the perfect fandom bicycle not just because he has protagonist syndrome, which makes it easy for him to be the center of every web, but also that he just. Cannot keep his hands off, his mouth shut, and his desire to be bred silent. Buddy what are you doing. Writers what were you doing. It's fucking delightful. I need that man at the center of as many cuddle piles as possible.

You're gonna activate my Trap brain if you're not careful, oh dear. Just that one-off line, "My folks wanted me to become a priest." There's so much tucked in there for me. Clearly I'm not supposed to read too deeply into any of these one-liners, but it says a lot! He's got all those names. I would say that one of them is probably a confirmation name, but he's also got it attached to his initials to the point that it's on his footlocker, so maybe it's not! Maybe his parents slapped him with the full range of names. Does that mean he has another secret confirmation name? Why would he hold onto a confirmation name to the point that it's on his luggage? So many questions. Trapper I am opening your skull and peering inside. There is no escape.

And Margaret, dear Margaret. A friend of mine watched The Nurses for the first time the other day and it instantly made my mind flash forward to Temporary Duty and her conversation with BJ and Charles near the end of it. "Did you ever offer me a lousy cup of coffee?" to offering the coffee to someone herself to having it handed to her unrequested in CAVE. What a cute little unintentional through line that ended up being.

She's a character that I'm scared of letting myself dig too deeply into because I know she will inevitably take control of me and I will never escape hsfdf like I am so compelled by everything she does to try to get just one shred of respect, one ounce of control over her life over the course of the 1940s and '50s, and the pain she reckons with every day as she realizes that wresting the power out of the hands of others isn't necessarily the best way to find it. That's another epiphany I'd love to see, kind of related to what we've been talking about with Mulcahy and having to come to terms with the fact that his faith is causing irreparable colonizing harm. Would be nice to see Margaret recognize that she's been taught that the only way she can have respect and control over her life is if she kicks other people down under her feet, and...hmm...maybe the Army in fact taught her the bad way...

#if only if only etc #it's a shame we have to obliterate so many of the characters ourselves rather than letting the narrative do it for us #sorry kids i do have to rip your comfort out of your hands and make you suffer for a little while until you see another path #my ramblings

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alexwatchesshows · 3 months

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Black Sails VI (S1E6)

Spoilers for up to and including E6.

Today on: why everyone should really listen to Gates.

Billy had questions. They were the right questions to ask, and he had every right to ask them, but he was asking them at the wrong time. Gates kept saying this and he wasn't wrong. It was too late to change their course of action, and Billy would only make things more complicated. As far as the audience are concerned, we know that Flint doesn't know anything about the letter, so there's no immediate concern, but Billy's concern doesn't seem irrational, but Gates has been the voice of reason throughout the show so far, and when he speaks, we listen. It's good to see Billy gaining the confidence to stand up to Flint and start to come into his own as a leader, but, as I keep saying, he's not the captain, he's the quartermaster, and in their situation, the best thing not just for him and Flint, but for the survival of the crew, is to keep them all on one side so they can win the battle. Gates clearly knows this, which is why he takes over when Logan is arguing.

I don't have much to say about the battle itself, but the slaves bring a whole new perspective to piracy and Nassau. So far, Nassau has been presented as a place of freedom and personal liberty, free from the oppression of the various empires, but, given what we know of Mr Scott, we can't really argue with him when he says "(slaves) are cargo, in Nassau or otherwise". The pirates are not morally pure just because they resist empire, and I'm glad we're adding this level of complexity to the discussions around empire in this show. Also it breaks my heart to see Mr Scott doing everything he can to protect Eleanor while she thinks he betrayed her.

Meanwhile, all is not well on Nassau. Eleanor needs to lift the ban on Vane, which she does do (because she doesn't really have a choice), while the captains resent her for not doing it sooner because nobody seems to have a problem with what's happening to Max. I've said it before, but it's absolutely worth noting that the only characters who actually care about Max's wellbeing are the women. Anne's still watching over her, but can't do much by herself. Whether E's reluctance to lift the ban on Vane is out of pride or empathy for Max (I'd guess a combination of the two), the fact that she has to do it to hold Nassau intact doesn't make it easier for her as, even when she does do it, she doesn't say anything, just nods. Honestly, as I've said before, I really don't like this plotline and one of the reasons for this is how much screentime we get of people arguing that Max should be kept in the horrible situation that she's in. I understand the complexity of the situation and how the complications around it do fit into the general vibes and themes of the show, I just personally really struggle with it I guess.

The conflict between Jack and Anne over Max continues. Jack is just oblivious to why this is bothering Anne and probably how and why this is affecting her so much. He, like most of the men, is struggling to see Max as anything other than "the whore", where Anne sees her as a woman in a rough situation who's suffering. Anne and Jack should probably communicate more, but going to Eleanor was actually a pretty smart move. It's also nice to see someone hating Eleanor for a reason that isn't her being a woman (I mean, I know the other pirates have other reasons, but a lot of the time it does come back to that). Anne basically accused Eleanor of being a pirate nepo baby and was actually kinda right, but they're still each other's best options and, between the two of them, they provide a refreshing view of the whole situation. Anne basically toasts Max for telling Eleanor to fuck off, and is honestly right when she says that the male pirates would have done so too and that "if she had a cock we probably would have", because, again, a lot of people just seem to hate Max purely because she's a woman who tried to bring herself even close to their level and, in Nassau, just like everywhere else, there's a level of pervasive violent misogyny that goes beyond whatever laws there are, just like how Mr Scott tells the slaves that they won't be better off there either. Even though neither of them likes each other, Eleanor and Anne come up with a very effective plan and talk Silver into joining them.

Jack's redeeming quality in all this is that, however outraged he is, he still goes along with Anne. Sure, he complains, but Anne's right when she tells him he's had his say, and his decision to keep things as they are isn't working very well, nor is it the right decision morally. Also Anne seems to know more about what's going on with Vane than Jack does. I'm not sure why, but that sheds an interesting light on the dynamic between the three of them.

Speaking of Vane, he's clearly about to go through some shit. Not sure what yet, but the scary man from his hallucinations is sitting by a fire in the middle of nowhere, which is never a good sign really.

The last of the Jack/Anne/Max situation that we see is Anne dropping Max off back at the brothel. Max thanks Anne, as you would, and Anne responds with "I didn't do it for you" which is... confusing. As always, I've got a number of possible interpretations of this: a) Anne genuinely did it for some bigger reason (to stop conflict between E and the pirates? something like that) b) Anne did it because she couldn't stand feeling guilty c) she absolutely did do it for Max and doesn't want her to know that because,,, reasons d) a secret fourth option. Unfortunately, Anne isn't the most emotionally communicative character so we'll probably never fully know.

We also get more Miranda/Flint backstory/insight. Pastor Lambrick just kind of turns up at Miranda's house in the middle of the night which is... strange, and she calls him out on it. Whether he's genuinely completely clueless or just not good at lying on the spot, Lambrick really does spout some absolute bullshit about Flint killing Miranda. We've seen Flint do a lot of fucked up shit so far, but it's already clear that that's probably the one thing he'd never do. I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but Lambrick has a very black and white view of the world, and honestly I don't think anyone can convince him that the pirates aren't all absolutely evil. In exchange for Lambrick's weird excuses, Miranda actually gives us some really interesting insight into her old life with Thomas. We've heard Richard Guthrie's gossipy, third-hand version of it, but this is possibly the first time we've heard much from Miranda herself. She talks of how her and Thomas' house used to be a place of discussion and intellectual insight, which only makes her exile to Nassau more tragic (and also explains why she's been seeking these verbal spars with Lambrick and R Guthrie). She describes Thomas as "a man of ideas" who wanted to "see the yoke of shame lifted from (people's) shoulders" which is honestly a beautiful description that creates such a clear image of who this man we've never met was. It also suggests that maybe RG's version of events wasn't exactly what happened, as Miranda very clearly loved Thomas. Then after that very emotional moment we get more awful heterosexual sex. Yay.

To end the show we get some lovely pain. Flint does actually leave (some of) the guns so they can escape, so he's not necessarily fully down the path of obsession. We never actually see the moment Billy falls into the ocean, in typical Black Sails style, which means we can never know what happened. Again, there are a number of possibilities in terms of what happened: a) Flint pushed Billy in (i.e. Flint is fully responsible for Billy's death) b) Billy was already falling and Flint could have stopped him but didn't or c) Flint genuinely did all he could to stop Billy from dying but couldn't stop him. At this point, I'm not sure whether I can fully believe that Flint would go so far as to just push Billy in, but he's clearly becoming obsessed, even if he isn't that far yet. Flint going to tell Gates himself that Billy has died killed me, but I'm mad that he didn't let Gates drop the sword himself in the sea burial. Honestly, I'm just sad for Gates. Pain. Pain everywhere.

#my posts #tv shows #spoiler #tv #tv show review #episode review #tv reviews #black sails #black sails spoilers #black sails review

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tea-with-evan-and-me · 11 months

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I know I'm gonna get a lot of annoyed side eyes for this but I have to say it since no one else seems to want to talk about it. Evan in that new panel was a pain to watch. He didn't fit into the lighthearted, wholesome vibe of the group and barely joined the conversations. It kinda broke my heart because I know that he used to be just as wholesome. Sure you could argue that he is being serious due to the nature of the subject matter, but honestly it's been over a year and the panel wasn't even only limited to Dahmer and everyone was having fun. He has become extremely introvert over the past years and I honestly worry for him because I can see that he still doesn't seem in a healthy space mentally. He looks and talks very monotonously and slow, like his thought process isn't quite intact. And the answers he gives feel more like he is recalling answers from his memory, as opposed to spontaneously answering in the moment and being present. I know that his social anxiety might impact him as well. I don't know what I was expecting honestly, but I thought he was going in a better direction and more towards becoming the Evan that we are used to, but seeing this interview really worries me that we might never actually get the old Evan back. Sorry for the negativity but I needed to express this.

i haven’t seen the interview, but these are all things people have repeatedly commented on for essentially all of evan’s dahmer promo. and i get it. we look at old interviews for other content and see evan absolutely can be lighthearted, funny and seemingly enjoy doing some promo. but i don’t think what we see from him now is as simply explained as some people think it is.

i feel sometimes we take for granted that evan has never come close to this level of exposure and interest in his career. we are all aware he has anxiety. while i believe that the nature of the dahmer series means while doing promo for it he is going to be subdued, i think the bigger “problem” is that an anxious and self-conscious person is aware that he has been thrust into the limelight in a significant and new way, and for a series that requires utmost sensitivity and care in how he speaks - because one wrong move, or saying something that can be twisted by negative nancy’s and he’s going to have a bunch of critical click-bait headlines. i understand being worried for him, trust me - i long for the days of the fun interviews where we really got to see evan’s personality shine through! but as his career shifts, he is older, he is gaining more exposure and success.. i’m afraid that with that comes less candid interaction. evan has already spoken about his self doubt as an actor, the breakdowns he’s had over that and imposter syndrome.. i’m sure he feels pressure doing all these panels as a lead actor, being nominated for major awards, making speeches, sitting at tables with other respected actors.. that’s my take on it as a longtime fan 🤷🏻‍♀️

#evan peters

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christmasintheloonybin · 1 year

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thought about engaging in consumerism this black Friday because I have wanted to buy a pair of black jeans for a long time (sad, impoverished life where I have to think long and hard before buying one pair of jeans but oh well). something about a deal actually repulses me I don't know why. I feel manipulated or something. it makes me want to buy a pair of jeans less. maybe growing up poor and resenting it, I despise a handout, I know a handout and a bargain are not the same thing, but I feel as if I cannot go through with buying a pair of jeans DISCOUNTED with my dignity intact. I would rather pay full price just to avoid feeling manipulated.

being broke has been good for me though, I realize all I really need in life is enough money for cigarettes. as long as I have cigarette money I am happy. small pleasure that goes a long way. I am cheap as hell when I'm broke, when I have money I am actually quite generous, I genuinely enjoy taking people out to eat buying things for people I like etc. not just with women its not a chauvinist thing. just people I like. but in general some part of me does feel ashamed and emasculated when I'm with someone, especially a woman, at a restaurant and I don't pay for the bill. I understand the arguing thing because it's genuinely humiliating. being broke I have also learned an important skill - going into a store without buying anything. I hate to be "that guy" in book stores or record stores especially, who go in for the vibes or to be seen there without actually sort of paying your dues. its disgusting! especially because these are niche and honestly irrelevant markets, so if you want to have book stores to stroll through and feel cultured at in the future, you better pitch in to keep them alive. but this is an important skill I believe still, to say "I don't really need this." and I realize, again, that I really need very little. just cigarettes. and food ideally. I'd choose cigarettes over food, though.

all this being said, i have a promising lead at a bakery, I just need to sort some things out with the community college I plan on attending first, lol. I think it would be nice to work at a bakery, even though it involves getting up obscenely early, I can't sleep and I wake up at around 5:00 anyways, so 3:00 or 4:00 wouldn't be a severe adjustment. it would prohibit me from staying up late but I have no social life so it makes no difference to me.

community college, I am obviously not super stoked about. but I already did a year, right after I graduated high school, and they have a program in place for transfers to the local university that everyone goes to, it's informally called "grade 13" because just about everyone goes there after high school, like as a default. I don't particularly care where I go, maybe I could transfer to a college somewhere else in the country, this might be a good idea, but the local college town is relatively close to where I live, I am familiar with the area, it's just more comfortable than if I packed up and moved to California or Texas or something. lol. but maybe that would be good for me. community college, depressing but probably a good halfway point between the proletarian and bourgeois worlds. if I went straight into regular university, with all these fucking teenagers I think it would be a very alienating experience. if I can ease my way in, it will still be strange when I'm in classes with people four or five years younger than me, but at least I'll be slightly more acclimated and I can just do my own thing. also I look young, so it's not that weird. my problem is more idiot kids who think they know everything. it's funny seeing young people now, I mean even like 20 year olds. they think they know everything but they're just kids. because I can remember being like 15 and thinking I knew it all. like I had everything figured out. just a product of aging I guess. of course, I have always felt this way and disavow my former self as an idiot, but the pattern continues, I'm sure in a year I'll think about the things I thought now and be embarrassed. this is life!

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firecrackerhh · 8 months

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Yknow what? Fuck it, I’m in a petty fucking mood tonight and a certain Squidiot has decided to commit the sin of being, as usual, a terrible person to people undeserving of it, and I don’t tolerate bullshit. No one asked me to do this obviously but if you think I need permission to be a fucking bitch to people I deem worthy of such rage, that’s never stopped me before.

This bitch has the FUCKING AUDACITY to tell someone to get therapy for their “unhealthy coping mechanisms???”

Squidiot? The same clearly delusional dumbfuck who made a fucking google doc on every fucking “problematic” thing Viv has ever done? The same dumbfuck whose been such a pain in the ass to everyone on Twitter that both Viv and Morgana Ignis blocked them? The same bitch who makes long rambling near incoherent posts bitching about Viv and Helluva as if anyone beyond their braindead followers gives a fuck? The same bitch who keeps claiming they’ll leave and yet—surprise surprise—they never fucking do?

Ok I’ll be fair here, the last thing isn’t a sign of mental illness. It’s just annoying.

“Get better coping mechanisms.”

And you think you have the right to tell other people how to deal with their fucking trauma???? What the fuck is wrong with you???? Deal with your own shit before you go judging other people’s!

If your blog is any indication you have a lot of shit to unpack yourself.

Also, considering your absolutely deranged and frankly stalker like behavior towards Viv if not various crew members, I think if anyone should “get help” it’s you.

Assuming you aren’t already getting help (which doesn’t look to be doing much by the way if you are)

Like you said, you’re a trauma victim yourself. So how on earth can you be so fucking rude and basically shit on a fellow victim of abuse that was just as if not worse than your own, all because their way of dealing with their trauma isn’t to your liking? That you personally believe it causes harm?

How would you feel if someone said the same thing about your coping mechanisms?

Especially ironic considering it seems you deal with your trauma by being a major fucking cunt to people who don’t fucking deserve it.

How do you feel right now?

“Get better coping mechanisms.”

Don’t get me wrong, I can understand completely why you would want to avoid such content. I’m not a proshipper myself (in the sense that I personally don’t have those kinds of ships…unless you count oc/canon as problematic for whatever reason.) but I’m sorry, you can’t expect the internet to be a 100% super safe space where nothing ever makes you uncomfortable. That’s not realistic. It is your responsibility to avoid whatever triggers you. Block, mute, whatever you gotta do to keep your clearly struggling mental health intact. No one is here to baby you. You have to put in the effort.

To expect other people to do it for you automatically is immature and selfish.

I don’t mean that clearly struggling mental health comment as an insult btw. It’s frankly obvious to me you need some kind of help. It’s so obvious that you’re fucking miserable.

I would pity you if only you weren’t such a bitch. So intent on making everyone else as miserable as you.

That’s fucking sad dude. Dragging other people into the mud doesn’t make you any cleaner.

You say you’re leaving and all, but I know how hyperfixations work my dude, I should know, I’ve been obsessed with Hazbin (and to a lesser extent Helluva) for what’s going to be 4 years. I get the fucking rush of talking major shit on your blog is fun and all but Christ, you just sound so fucking angry. All the time. Isn’t that exhausting? I think it’s exhausting.

I know my header is tis I the werebitch but damn dude, I can only get angry so much about one thing before I stop caring at some point.

And then you say even dumber shit and suddenly I have an intense urge to tell you to go fuck yourself.

Contrary to the vibe I probably give off to the few followers that actually take the time to read this bullshit, I’m not exactly the most confrontational person irl. I’m actually quite shy in social situations and every time I fuck up even slightly in public I want to die, but I know what’s right and wrong, and this shit? Shitting on another victim of abuse because you think THEY’RE coping wrong?

That’s fucked up. That’s wrong. That’s fucking disrespectful.

Your own trauma is not an excuse to be a fucking asshole to other people.

And I have a low tolerance for bullshit. For those who claim to be righteous and yet their actions prove otherwise.

How do you fucking sleep at night? You’re so fucking convinced you’re some fucking martyr or something, that you’re helping people.

Has fucking anyone been helped by you? Or is this more for your fucking ego?

I don’t know nor do I want to know why you are who you are, there’s no excuse for this shit.

This shit is outright cruel. You’re cruel. Victimizing others will not make you feel better about yourself. Not in the long term. What you’re being is a BULLY.

I don’t respect bullies.

You treat people like shit for reasons I will never know. I understand you supposedly want to help people not suffer the way you did. But what you’re doing? Ain’t it chief. You do not help victims by bullying them into the “correct” way to handle their trauma. You’re just giving these people more trauma.

I’ll ask again. How would you feel if someone told you they didn’t like your coping mechanisms? I don’t care if it’s morally correct in your view to try and bully abuse victims into submission, or at the least dismiss their opinion because it doesn’t fit your narrative.

Rather hypocritical of you given you claim the fandom does the same thing…

I don’t like how you feel the need to “cancel” people over shit from a fucking decade ago when said person has obviously changed. I think your attitude is fucking whiny, immature and overall unpleasant. You make those long ass posts under the delusion anyone fucking cares enough about you to read through that bullshit. At least I have the decency to put my rant posts under a very specific tag that people can filter out if they so choose.

And the worst part is this whole thing will probably fly right past you.

Yeah, instead you play victim, as you always do, focusing on whatever well earned insults I’ve thrown at you instead of the actual point. Like a child. Assuming you find this of course.

And hmm…funny, what was that you said about me?

Iron. E.

Projection if nothing else.

I said what I meant and I meant what I said. If anything from the few posts I’ve made about you bothers you, maybe learn how to self-reflect on your actions instead of blaming everyone else. Like a child.

I reiterate.

Get. Better. Coping. Mechanisms.

Fix. Your. Shit.

🧨🔥~Firecracker out~🧨🔥

#tis i the werebitch #Squidiot🦑#lmao I write this shit like they’ll actually read it #guess I’m no better in that aspect lmao #I like to think I’m slightly less annoying at least

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stutee · 1 year

Text

I will be honest. I am a random 23 year old after all still learning life. I have been feeling hesitant to share anything BTS related to my Instagram and WhatsApp stories. Why? Because i don't want to be associated with the crowd that does things that embarrasses everyone and gives a bad name to every BTS fan. No one would want to be associated with that. But today while i listened to some of the beautiful tracks by BTS, I wondered why I was doing that? Why can't I show my love? I know i don't wanna be seen as an obsessed fan and get the rolling eyes but why? Why can't I show that i love a group? A group with loads of beautiful songs. I know the majority know them by Dynamite, Butter and PTD but if you go a bit inside, you find some wonderful tracks. I would share their dances and songs earlier to show that to everyone that they aren't just 7 men who make teens go crazy. They are 7 musicians who write songs about emotions and feelings. And are highly talented and hardworking. But i stopped that because who would want to be called obsessive for so long.

But i am trying to shut that invisible voice in my head that makes me heed so much to what "they" will think and to strive towards keeping some sort of my image intact. What image even? Who has a clear cut image tell me?

And about something as trivial yet wonderful as music that keeps us all going? So no! It's against no one. It's against me and my emotions. I love BTS. I have never ever stanned any band or anything. And i will always love them. Being their fan isn't my identity rather one of those beautiful parts of my life.

That doesn't mean i don't venture into other k-pop groups or haven't loved them. Or think that no one's above BTS. There are plenty of artists who are all amazing in their own ways and i appreciate and will continue to appreciate all of those that i would come across. I will speak against the obsessive cringe fandom culture and can give my critical opinions on things that may not like or vibe with that BTS does, but i won't hide that anymore. I don't need validation from anyone here. I am well capable of being a sensible 23 year old keeping obsessions and fantasies separate from real life issues at hand and can go back to find momentary comfort from sources that are harmless like music and some entertainment content.

So yeah, i do not want to associate with the cringe ass fandom behaviour but won't shy away from saying that i am indeed a huge BTS fan and they stay in my heart. And mind you, i would never send any one BTS or any songs forcibly to listen. It's on my status or stories and anyone who wants can check them on their own. While i can peacefully and openly share some wonderful songs i love and find comfort in.

This isn't against anyone really and i just wanted to write this out. I understand why some people have the notion about fans. I had the same thing too before checking BTS' music. But it's important to separate the artists from the fans.

This is all my own emotions and a tiny battle i had. Thanks for reading if you did!💜🫶🏻🫰🏻

The tracks i listened to tonight while studying.💜

#bts army #bts songs

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starrjournals · 2 years

Text

boundaries, boundaries, boundaries...

6/27/2022

gonna be talking about boundaries today and how I am struggling to keep them when I am a people pleaser. first off, I am still learning how to create healthy boundaries. especially in a time like this where everyone is struggling. Usually, I don't mind when people rant to me but I am learning how to not drain my energy trying to 'fix' it. I cannot fix other people's problems, I can only fix and work on mine. Sure I can offer solutions and let them rant but at the end of the day, it has to be on them to want to improve and work on themselves. Like I said I don't mind being a listening ear, but I can't always do it. I deserve to also keep my energy intact. For a lot of my life, I've struggled with boundaries. Actually, I didn't even know what they were until not that long ago. But I've realized that people who constantly walk all over the boundaries I do have are people who are not deserving of my time or energy. Does that make sense? Sometimes I feel like I'm repeating myself. Sometimes I am. I have a habit of typing exactly how I speak. So yeah, back to boundaries. I'm struggling with it. Recently, I had a friendship breakup which still hurts tbh, but it was for the better. In that friendship, I realized that neither of us had boundaries with each other and if one of us tried to place one then the other one would get upset. And I'm not putting the blame entirely on my friend, no I am not. It's not either of our faults that we didn't understand boundaries and how to have healthy communication when we weren't taught that. We both depended on each other heavily and in the end that impacted both of us negatively. I still have a lot of love for this friend, I wish them nothing but the best. But I have to put me first. A people pleaser and a clinger, what a friendship. While we were both there for each other growing up I realized that our friendship was no longer healthy and was impacting both of us. We didn't want to end the friendship because of habit and assuming we'd always be there for each other. But sometimes people grow apart. And that's okay. Because I'll always be there for them if they need me and hopefully vice versa. Now, onto the thing I wanted to talk about... It's still about boundaries I swear!!!! So recently, I had a friend come over and we hung out and smoked, you know the usual. And as this friend was over I felt like it was the same thing with my other friend that I ended the friendship with. Like the exact same thing. A new cycle with more knowledge. So now that I know more things about myself: my likes, dislikes, you know like what I wanna be associated with and what I don't want to be associated with. What or who, I suppose. And it's not my friend's fault that I feel like it's not working out. Hmm... How do I word this without sounding mean? The vibe was off. I don't know how else to say... I'm thinking about how to explain... Let's see... Okay, so you know how when your doing better mentally and your friend isn't, and like god, this sounds so mean but like your doing good and you want to be there for your friend but you know if you will it'll bring u back down too. Yeah. IDK if that makes sense. I feel like it's mean and hey you know what? It probably is. It's not a sense of I'm doing better than you therefore I won't talk to you anymore, sense of superiority! That's the phrase I'm looking for. It's not that. It's me knowing that I want better and deserve better. Saying this makes me feel not good because it genuinely isn't me dropping people because I'm doing good and you aren't. It isn't. I can't tell if this is me telling you or trying to convince myself. Both maybe. I don't want to seem like a bad person for dropping my friends but like if it's not good for me then why do I stay? And that's the main reason I stayed in the first friendship for so long. I don't want to hurt the people I care about or their feelings. But in doing so I ended up hurting myself. And I don't deserve that. And if someone is reading this I want you to know that you don't either. So yeah, Boundaries are important.

In order for you to feel good (?) about your relationships, boundaries have to be placed, talked about, and not ignored or stepped all over. This was a bit of a rant-ish but this whole blog is so yeah... boundaries!!!!

#starrjournals #journaling #diary entry #boundaries #personal rant #relationships #friendships #idek #i just be putting anything at this point.#yuh.#TY #for reading!#love u!!!!!#muah

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peachypascal · 3 years

Text

work for it

summary: tensions are running high between you and mando, and after a long day, he loses his patience with you.

warnings: unprotected sex, oral (m+f receiving), choking, condescension, possession i guess?, very lowkey dom/sub vibes, one (1) spank, spoilers for season 2, unedited

word count: 5.3k

you can barely even look at him anymore.

if you could get to his face, if he wasn’t such a skillful fighter, you reckon you might have hit him already, but instead, you’re forced to push all your irritation under the surface. it’s already such a tense environment; there’s no point in making it worse.

he’s been fighting with everyone since the moment you had landed. he’s unhappy. it’s understandable, given what he’s lost recently, but you had lost, too. you had lost the child, and you had lost a piece of yourself. you hurt, too, but he won’t allow you your moment to grieve. for the first time since the two of you met, your mandalorian expects you to stand up. you are meant to be the strong one this time. before he had begun taking his upset out on you, that had been fine. you had been okay with that.

din has lost more than you have. you lost grogu and you lost the ship, but he had lost his child, his home, his creed. din had lost his way. you ache for him, really. it’s unfair that such a good man should live a life so wrought with tragedy and tribulation.

it doesn’t stop you from bristling at the way he talks to you, like you can’t take care of yourself anymore. the two of you had always worked so well together before now. now, he’s pent-up. he’s angry. about his losses, about his mere proximity to bo-katan, who seems to have her mind set on defeating him every step of the way, about the fact that he can’t find a moment alone, not with you staying in the same room he’s in, one hardly big enough to hold the two cots you’ve been sleeping in.

he thought getting off the ship was what he needed. solid ground and natural light and someplace where looking out the windows doesn’t make his head spin, but now he’s even closer to you than before. lately, something that was once so comforting now only reminds him of one more thing he’s bound to lose. against all great odds, he had managed to survive his losses. you, he’s not so sure he could handle losing. you’re the last thing keeping him hanging on, the single thread keeping him where he needs to be, and without you, he’s gone.

after the days that you have been living, all you want is a nice, luxurious bed to fall into after your perpetually long days, but you and mando are barely able to scrounge enough extra credits together for the dingy little box they call a room. you would call it a scam, but after traveling with mando for so long, you’ve grown used to the seedier parts of the galaxy, and you’ll only be here a few days while everyone regroups. it’s a much-needed break from the only person you want to punch more than din and even with your mounting annoyance, it feels nice to listen to the chatter of a city while you sit in your room, watching them from above.

behind you, the door opens. you don’t bother turning around—you fear that seeing him might set you off and vice versa. a deep breath holds still in your chest, waiting, wondering if he’s going to say something to you. right as you begin to let your guard down, your shoulders dropping, he breaks the silence.

“we’re leaving tomorrow.”

they’re the first words in days that he has spoken without malice behind them, but the sound of his filtered voice still grates on your nerves. the two of you have been living in a powder keg, your explosion inevitable, but you had hoped it would stay intact until you left this planet. with the irritation that burns you now, you’re unsure you’ll make it through the night. it fills you with a great sense of dread. no, you aren’t sure you can stand another moment sleeping three feet away from him, but you hate even more the idea of the two of you not even speaking.

you don’t hear him move, still by the door, still in his armor. with a quiet sigh, you glance back at him only to give him confirmation that you’ve heard him. even through the modulator, you hear his disgruntled huff. he begins removing his armor, shaking his head at you. you purse your lips at the sight of him. before grogu was taken from you, it felt as though you two were finally getting somewhere. you had been traveling with them long enough to feel as though you were a part of a small family. you had finally managed to break down din’s walls, to almost get close enough to touch. all your travels had led up to this, all the nervous glances and tentative touches, and now, you can barely look at him. you want to reach out for him, but even in the tiny room, he feels too far.

finally, you sigh. “great.”

din stacks his armor noisily beside his bed, hiding his blaster under his pillow and kicking his boots off. he’s being loud. after so many nights of hearing him take off that armor in the crest, you knew he was always careful not to let it clang the way it does now. if you could see his eyes, you would see the light that flickers in them, just waiting for an excuse to start a fire.

“what did you do today?” you ask quietly, skin burning with the tension and your need to diffuse it.

he sighs, shaking his helmet minutely. “nothing.”

a crinkle forms between your brows. “nothing? you’ve been gone all day doing nothing?”

his shoulders square in irritation and the sight nearly sets you off. “does it matter?” he scoffs, settling his hands on his hips.

your jaw sets and you turn to face him. “no, i suppose not.”

the air is thick between you and a heavy shiver runs down your spine, desperate to get away from him. you stand, in need of a moment of fresh air, but din grabs your bicep before you can pass him, the stoic flat of his helmet tilting to look at you. “where are you going?”

your mandalorian is a man of pride. he would never admit it, especially not after he had sacrificed that pride so much in the time that you had known him, but it was true. that pride means that asking the very question makes him cringe beneath his helmet. perhaps it’s your anger with him, or your inability to keep your mouth shut, but in a quick moment of spite, you sneer back at him. “does it matter?”

before you even have a chance to change your facial expression, one gloved hand wraps firmly around your throat, forcing your gaze up to meet his. you choke, not because he’s holding you too tightly but because of your surprise, eyes wide as you look up at him. “watch it.”

you stare at his visor, hardening your expression. your shock wears off quickly. instead, you find it much easier to concentrate on the fury that has been building for days. “or what?” you spit. “i’m not fighting with you, din.”

the use of his name catches him off-guard. he had only heard it fall from your lips in the most intimate of moments, quiet, long conversations in the cockpit when the child was asleep. then, it had calmed him. it soothed his soul to know that you knew him. now, it fuels the fire already burning in him; it only feeds the need settled low in his gut at the sight of you. it sets him off.

he takes two, long strides and takes you with him, backing you against the wall with his hand tightening around your throat, ignoring your confused squeak. “you don’t talk to me like that,” he cuts out, voice low and tight, and you laugh mirthlessly, still impassioned enough to fight him even with his hand around your throat.

“and you don’t treat me like dirt. deal?”

the two of you stand in a long silence, your nose an inch away from his visor; you wonder if mando will say anything, defend himself, but he seems as though he doesn’t even hear your words. he takes in a slow, deep breath before his fingers tighten around your throat, and you can’t help your quiet moan, eyes fluttering closed. his mouth goes dry at the sound, legs weak at the sound he’s been imagined every single night. even with anger still pounding through you, you can’t deny that you like the position. after traveling with him for so long, always at arm's length, this is all you think about anymore. him, touching you, holding you so close like he does now.

you shudder under his hand and blood rushes in his ears, seemingly amplified under his helmet. his breathing is heavy, pondering his next move cautiously before he finally says, “turn around.” you’re so headstrong, you have been since he’s known you. you don’t take his commandments without question or pushback, which is why he expects you to spit a curse back in his face. you don’t.

instead, for the first time ever, you obey without question.

din feels like the breath he takes is gasping, his mouth open like a fish as his hand falls down to his side, eyes tracking down the arch of your spine. it’s as though you’re presenting yourself to him, the subtle look over your shoulder telling him all the words he wants to hear. take me. i’m ready. the wait is over.

“mando,” you whisper hoarsely, pressing your warm forehead against the wall. “please.”

he’s unsure exactly where to start. after a thousand fantasies, they all seem to blur together until he wants everything, no way to figure out what he wants the most. as he pulls off his gloves, he takes a moment to deliberate, admiring the sight of you waiting for him. all those fantasies and din can only decide on one thing: he’ll take as much as he can.

his bare hand glides over your hip, his touch relaxing your tight muscles as his arm wraps around you, palm pressing to your stomach and his chest pressing to your back. “you’re okay?” he asks, voice tight with barely-restrained need.

your answer is breathy and needy. “yes,” you sigh. “please.”

din tightens his arm around your ribcage with an impatient grunt, his other hand already reaching into the waistband of your sleep pants. your skin is warm under his palm and not for the first time, he’s cursing the helmet on his head. he wants to be closer to you, to bury his face in your neck and breathe you in until you’re all he knows, and just as he begins to toy with the band of your underwear, he pulls away.

you give a frustrated groan, leaning back into him, but it’s fruitless. he’s already crossing the room, bare hands drawing the curtains and turning off the lights. “mando.” it shocks you to hear how your voice sounds, whiny and small while you turn back to him. “what—did i do something?”

“no,” he answers shortly.

there’s a moment where all you hear is the pounding of your own heart and the faraway chatter of the crowd on the street below you before he returns to you. you breathe out gently in relief when his large hands grip your hips tightly again, squeezing once before one travels up and the other goes down. your eyes flutter closed, reaching to grasp at his wrist when he cups your breast.

and then he leans down and presses his lips to the shell of your ear. you jump in surprise at the feeling, at the idea that he would take his helmet off in such a vulnerable position, and your eyes fly open. “mando!”

din shushes you. “it’s okay,” he murmurs, fingers slipping into your pants once again until he’s cupping your pussy, an unfiltered moan vibrating against your neck. “maker, you’re already soaked.” your hips jolt into his hand, desperately searching for any sort of friction. his teeth sink into your earlobe. “needy,” he growls. “always so needy.”

a quick retort is already on your tongue, but his nose nuzzles against your temple and two of his fingers find your clit, lips stretching into a small smile when he hears your soft moan. your head falls back onto his shoulder, sinking into the pleasure he’s building within you. he’s always worked so well with his hands but you have a newfound appreciation for the dexterity of them as he rubs deep, slow circles into you.

din buries his face in your neck, tongue laving over your pulsepoint and teeth biting at your collarbone, savoring the way you take over all of his senses. he grinds against your ass, the thick duraweave of his pants grating against your threadbare sleep pants. “feel that?” he murmurs, just below your ear, and you moan, grinding down against his fingers. you certainly do. it shocks you, at first, just how hard he is, how big he is. he’s always been so broad, so big in every other sense that it shouldn’t surprise you, but you find yourself daunted by the thought of him already.

“fuck, mando,” you whine, unable to decide where you want to be more, grinding down against his fingers or back against his cock, and you let out a frustrated groan.

“what’s wrong?” he coos mockingly, hand sliding from your breast to your throat. “you want more?”

“i want to come,” you beg.

“you want to come?” his grip around your throat tightens. “work for it.”

your knees almost buckle, a loud moan falling from your lips, one that makes din’s cock twitch. you press back against him, grinding shamelessly against your mandalorian with your brow furrowed in pleasure. his fingers work faster against your clit, the arm across your chest keeping you tight against his, and his low moan rumbles against your back.

it’s just out of reach, right at your fingertips; you need just a little bit more. you reach back for him, your fingers tangling in his hair. “din,” you gasp, voice choked. “i’m so close.”

he hums against your hairline, long fingers slipping further into your underwear to circle your entrance just once before he’s sinking one in, enjoying the bliss that washes over his body when you lean back against his chest. “stars, y/n, you feel so good,” he breathes, his eyes falling closed when he adds another finger.

your jaw clenches in preparation for your orgasm, already burning you up when din presses right against your sensitive wall. with a tug of his hair, your stomach tightens, the prettiest moan he’s ever heard in his life falling from your lips. din curls his fingers, breathing heavily when you clench tight around them. it takes over you without warning, your strangled cry of his name forcing his own rough groan against your hair. your thighs shake around his hand as you come, pulling on his hair until he’s hissing.

it’s the first time you’ve come in weeks and by the time din stops pressing against your g-spot, there are tears running down your cheeks. your hips jerk away from him fruitlessly, desperate to get away from the stimulation. din can’t help his soft smile, guiding you to your bed as well as he can in the dark. “c’mon, you need to rest.”

“no,” you insist, eyes wide and searching for him in the black. “no. sit down.” the thought of you on your knees for him, between his legs, it nearly makes him sweat, so he searches for your hand, entwining your fingers. “please.”

you trap your lip between your teeth as you sink down to your knees, listening to your mandalorian remove his clothing before he sits on your cot. your palms find his knees, brushing over the hair scattered over his skin, grinning at the sound of his exhale. you hum, running your hands up and down his thighs, over his hips, appreciating the feeling of his skin against yours until you wrap your fingers around his cock, stomach flipping at his quiet moan of your name.

all you want is for him to feel good, to feel a fraction as blissful as he made you feel, and it’s hard to pace yourself, so you lean forward and take him in your mouth, your lips closing around his head and your eyes fluttering closed. it’s a scene you’ve imagined a thousand times over, but none of your daydreams compare to the real thing. he’s so vocal, his loud moans and quiet murmurings filling the room, and he’s intoxicating you, his scent and taste and the feel of him under you, it already has you ready for him again. you moan around him, tightening your grip slightly, and his hips stutter.

“fuck,” he hisses, grasping the blanket beneath him. your eyes open, desperate to see him, but the way this man, this warrior, whines when you flick your tongue a certain way, you think that’s just as good as seeing his face.

din’s hips jolt at a particularly strong suck at his head. you hum at the taste of him on your tongue, distinct and so uniquely him, taking him deeper to taste more of him. when he hits your throat, your gag makes him cry out, voice thin from the pleasure, and in an attempt to calm himself down, he pulls you off of him, panting loudly. it had been far too long, not just since relief but since he had started fantasizing about this very position, and it’s not unlikely that if you continue, this will be over far too fast for his liking.

wordlessly, he pulls you off the floor and into his lap. strong arms wrap around your waist, and you gasp when he grabs the nape of your neck, guiding you into a kiss. it’s sloppy, a little unpracticed, but you’ve never felt so worked up. you wrap your arms around his neck, eagerly rolling your hips against his. “more,” you insist, grinning against his lips at his silent chuckle.

“what did i say?” his grip on the back of your neck tightens and his voice drops, suddenly serious. “needy.”

without answering, you reach between the two of you, fingers wrapping around his cock again before you drag it through your folds, pleased with the impatient grunt that falls from his lips. his fingertips dig into your waist and his teeth dig into your lip, trying to will you into giving him what he wants and you’re in no position to deny him this; you’re just as worked up as he is. with another long kiss, you sink down slowly, pressing your forehead to din’s. the room echoes with the relieved breaths that fall from both of you, with the increasingly passionate kisses the two of you share as you begin to adjust to his size, and with the lewd sounds of him filling you. he’s panting, holding you close in an effort to not drag you down on his cock. you’re barely halfway and already whining against his lips, and maker, he’s going to leave bruises to show his restraint, a sweat springing at his hairline every time you take him just a little deeper.

finally, with a high, quiet moan, you sink fully down on him, settling on his thighs for a moment of rest, adjusting to the way he stretches you. “din,” you breathe, tugging on his hair. you clench around him, your heart leaping when you feel him shudder. “you feel so good.”

“you’re so tight,” he huffs, thrusting up into you gently. “sweet little thing. i’ve been waiting for this.”

the admission makes you whimper. you kiss him hard, rolling your hips against his in an effort to get him just a little deeper and din’s head falls back, taking in a shaky breath before he’s thrusting into your again. leaning forward, you nip at his jaw. only he will see the marks you leave on him, but you’re unsure what happens when the two of you are done. you don’t know if it will ever happen again. you’re determined to leave your mark on him. you want him to remember this night when he looks in the mirror tomorrow, and the day after, and as long as your marks last. it sets a new fire under you, holding desperately to him while he fucks you, your teeth littering marks on his neck.

“mando,” you whine, sensitive clit rubbing over his pelvis. you want to say more. you want to tell him exactly how he’s making you feel, dizzy and hot and intoxicated by him, but you can’t exactly find the words. instead, you hang onto him like you’re going to lose him. he has you stuffed full and near tears with how deep he’s fucking you and for the first time, you have him. all of him. you feel him all over, breathing his scent in, finally pure and strong without the obstruction of his armor between the two of you. it’s a scent you never want to get rid of.

the way you squeeze him nearly has him coming, hands shaking even when pressed against your skin. he wants to pull you off him—needs to pull you off him—but you feel too good. his eyes roll back, jaw tight when you circle your hips just right, and with no warning, the same way he had pulled you on his lap, he rolls you off onto your cot.

“no, no, no,” you cry, reaching out for him. your fingertips barely brush his bare skin, and he shushes you quietly, grabbing your ankles as though he can see you perfectly well.

“you’re okay, mesh’la,” he says softly, pressing a sweet kiss to one of your calves. “i’m going to take care of you.”

din sinks to his knees, pressing his cheek to the inside of your knee, and you take in a sharp breath, his facial hair scratching pleasantly at the sensitive skin. “din,” you breathe, sitting up on your elbows. he only hums, soft lips pressing a line of sweet kisses up your inner thighs.

oh, he had been waiting for this. all of it, really, but this is his favorite daydream. his mind had worked up the most elaborate fantasies about what you would sound like, feel like, taste like, and his heart pounds at the idea of finally finding out. he’s not in the mood to tease you, not anymore, and his eyes flutter closed as he wraps his arms around your thighs and leans in, dragging his tongue through your folds with a satisfied hum.

you keen, reaching down for his hair without hesitation. the sharp tug makes him moan into your cunt, savoring the taste of you with nothing but pure delight. for a few minutes, all he wants is to taste as much of you as he can, but your quiet, little moans are no longer good enough for him. he licks a thick stripe up your slit and wraps his lips around your clit, tightening his grip around your thighs.

“oh, fuck,” you mewl, pulling on his hair harder. he flicks his tongue before he sucks your clit into his mouth, basking in all your needy little sounds.

din pulls away despite your desperate whine. “can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me, sweet girl,” he whispers, pressing soft kisses to your clit.

your back arches, pushing your hips further toward him. “please.”

as though he hasn’t even heard you, he continues, “but this pussy is mine now, isn’t it?”

those words are enough to have you clenching around nothing, the idea of din wanting you longer than just a night. “yes!” you cry, digging your heels into his back. “it’s yours. i’m yours, din. please let me come.”

his fingertips dig into your skin and his eyes roll back. he ducks his head down and the fervor with which he licks into you has your hips rolling against his face, so close to your release. the room echoes with the lewd sound of him between your legs and your eager moans, teetering right on the edge of another orgasm. your legs struggle against his hold as you writhe around on the cot, voice getting pitchy as he sucks your clit again, humming into you. whatever sound you’re making gets caught in your throat, your whole body tensing around him as you come again. you sob his name out, pulling his face closer and pushing your hips away, unable to decide whether you need more or rest.

din works you through your high with sweet kisses and quiet praises, nuzzling his bare cheeks against your inner thighs as you whine. “c’mere,” you slur, trying to pull him up by his hair.

he complies, allowing you to pull him into a tired, sloppy kiss in the haze of your orgasm. “can you give me one more?” he asks quietly, lining kisses across the bridge of your nose.

his wide hips settle between your legs, grinding his cock against your sensitivity and you shiver, scratching his scalp gently. “yeah,” you breathe, searching for his lips again. you smile against his lips at his sharp intake of breath, hips rolling toward yours in an effort to get him back inside of you.

din sinks his teeth into your lower lip, tugging gently. “roll over, cyar’ika.”

you barely feel like you can get the strength up to do it, even with his hands on your hips. with your hips raised in the air, you rest your forehead on your folded arms, pushing your hips back toward him eagerly. “i need it,” you huff, jumping when one of his large hands settles on your hips. “need you inside of me.”

“so impatient,” he mumbles, the tip of his cock prodding at your entrance. your whole body wracks with anticipation, pushing back against him and grunting when he pulls back. “you are not in charge here,” he hisses, slapping the swell of your ass sharply.

your yelp echoes throughout the small room, the sound fading into a low hum as you push your hips back. “i’m sorry,” you respond smally, reaching back to grab his wrist. “i’m sorry. please.”

his chest burns against your back as he leans over you to slide inside, choking out a moan into your ear. “perfect girl,” he spits, wrapping an arm around your waist. “take my cock so fucking well.”

you brows furrow, hips shifting until he’s brushing that perfect spot inside of you with every single thrust. still sensitive from your last orgasm, you can’t help the way you cry out at the stimulation. “right there,” you wail, your head falling from your arms as you grab helplessly at the blanket.

it feels so good that it nearly hurts, the tears that had dried after your first orgasm springing to your eyes again. “right there,” he repeats. “is that what’s going to make you come again? hm? is that the spot that’s going to have this pussy squeezing around me?”

your head feels foggy, unable to focus on anything other than the way he feels, not just inside of you but around you, too, his hot breath fanning over the side of your face, the heat of his skin warming you everywhere. one of his hands slithers between your body and the cot, finding your sensitive clit and drawing lazy, tight circles around it. “i— fuck, din,” you blubber. “it’s too much.”

“too much?” he asks gruffly, teeth sinking into your shoulder. you think the lapse in his movement will give you some relief to that unbearable ache growing between your thighs, but when his hips slow, his cock nestled as deep as it will go and your fingers still rubbing your clit, your hips jolt in a dazed panic. you can’t afford for him to stop, not when you’re so close again. “are you done yet?”

“i can take it,” you sob, fingers tightening in the flimsy blanket that covers your cot.

he’s beginning to lose control, his thighs slapping against yours as he fucks you, your face buried in the mattress as you blubber. din desperately tries to hold on but the way you cry for him leaves him reeling, counting backwards in his head to keep from coming too soon, and he’s unsure how much longer he’s going to last while you squeeze him so tight that he has to clench his teeth.

“c’mon, mesh’la,” he whispers in your ear, voice tight as he staves off his orgasm. “let me hear you.”

“din,” you whine, your thighs aching with how tight your muscles are. he hums, kissing the shell of your ear. his orgasm is already taking root in the pit of his stomach, so he pinches your clit gently.

“can you come for me? one last time?” he asks, but you’ve already clamped down on him, a broken moan falling from your lips as you come around him, inconsolably shaking around him, and there’s not a single bit of hope for him. he comes—hard—calling out your name and clutching at you, both of you riding out your highs in the darkness of the room.

after a long moment of nothing but the two of you breathing heavily, din pulls out with a broken moan, rolling to lie beside you on the cramped little cot. he’s never been good at this part—the after effects. he never knows exactly what to say, whether or not to cuddle, or if he should leave. in fact, he he’s already working himself up wondering exactly what he’s supposed to say, or if he should say anything. his eyes move in the black of the room, fingers reaching for you tentatively, ready to take the leap and pull you into his chest.

in the heavy silence, you finally give a tired laugh, rolling closer to him, right under his already open arm. “wow.”

“wow?” he repeats softly, and he can hear the mirthful lilt in your voice. it makes him feel a little better, a little more hopeful that he hasn’t entirely ruined your relationship.

“i’m just surprised that this is what all our fighting was leading up to.” it’s a joke, really, but it makes his lips turn down in a frown. after so many long, unbearable days of fighting, his heart sank at the reminder of how short the two of you had been with one another. the way that he’d treated you. he had never treated you that way before, and he had never wanted to, and even through the veil of post coital bliss, regret begins to eat at him.

“i’m...sorry,” he finally whispers, fingers intertwining with yours.

you smile, lifting your hands up and pressing a kiss to the back of his. “i know,” you assure him. “i am, too.”

and then he’s quiet again. it usually means that he’s searching for exactly the right words, so you allow him his time, pressing your cheek to his chest and breathing him in, waiting for him to finally sort out whatever is going on in his head. “i don’t—i dont want you to think that this was...something i did…” he stumbles through the idea, but you exhale softly, opting to put him out of his misery.

“mando,” you cut him off, turning your head to kiss his shoulder gently. “i know better than anyone that none of your decisions are careless.”

din chuckles quietly, relief flooding through him and relaxing all his muscles. “still, i shouldn’t have treated you that way,” he insists. “this wasn’t how i imagined this happening.”

a smitten smile pulls at your lips. “well, you’ll find some way to make it up to me,” you hum. he rubs a large hand over your back, goosebumps following as the cold air of the room rushes back to your skin. you lean away from him only to tug on the blanket. “in the meantime, i’m exhausted. let’s get some sleep.”

for the first time since he can remember, din sleeps through the night.

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