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#i meant to post this when i got it but i haven't been active on here at all & just completely forgot to !!
arklay · 4 months
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carlos: this is my girlfriend dani, and this is dani's girlfriend, claire
i was able to commission the lovely @666chevy on twitter again recently, but this time with dan, claire & carlos !! chevy is so so amazing & i encourage you guys to commission them if you're ever looking to get some artwork done. they are so nice & easy to work with ♡
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exhaslo · 3 months
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OMG HI IM BACK I HOPE UR HYDRATED
FAST AND FURIOUS MIGUEL AND READER WHERE THEY’RE RIDE OR DIE, STREET RACING WHERE MIGGY WINS AND GETS HIS PRIZE IN THE BACKSEAT OF HIS OLD 2000s MODELED SUZUKI ?????
NEVER WATCHED A SINGLE FAST AND FURIOUS
BUT I'M NEVER ONE TO BACK DOWN ON A GOOD OL' BACKSEAT RIDE OR DIE CAR SEX HAHAHA
Sorry this was so late to be posted. I'm still backed up with requests from last month!
Warning: MINORS DNI, smut, car sex, fingering
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There was never a dull moment in the city of Nueva York. Every street had something to offer, no matter the time of day. From the sunrise to even past the sunset. There was a reason why this city was given the name, 'The city that never sleeps'.
Amongst its citizens was you. A lovely night owl, just gearing up to be entertained by your fantastic boyfriend. Honestly, this was something that you had never thought of as entertaining. Car racing in the middle of the city was what kept you up most nights...
But Miguel showed you otherwise.
That man was going to drive you insane. When you first met him, you swore that all he cared about was his car. He treated it more like a woman than you sometimes, but...you opened up to his point of view. You saw how much Miguel cared about both you and his night life activities.
That, and he was goddamn hot when working on his 'baby'. Miguel was a mechanic during the day and one of the best street racers at night. You on the other hand just worked a normal office job; however, you easily became one of the most popular flag girls for the race.
"Amor (love), are you trying to temp me before the race?" Miguel said with a low hum as he wrapped his arms around your waist.
You felt your cheeks fluster as Miguel pressed you against the wall. His kisses against the back of your neck were sweet and hungry. With a soft press of his hips, you felt Miguel's erection right into your booty shorts.
"Miguel, this is what the other flag girls told me to wear," You said with a soft whine, turning around in his grip, "They mentioned something about a special prize I'll be offering."
"Hn," Miguel grunted lowly as he glanced at the time, "Whatever prize it maybe, this body is only meant for me to see."
"Haha, they're just booty shorts. I haven't worn something like this in such a long time."
"And the tight tank top?" Miguel rested his head by your breasts, inhaling deeply, "Ay dios mio (oh my god), I better win this race and fast so I can tend to you."
You chuckled at Miguel's possessiveness. Pecking his lips, you stroked his cheeks, rubbing against the small gruff he had growing. Miguel pouted and quickly went to clean and shave. Sometimes he forgot about himself when he worked.
Once ready, you scooted yourself into Miguel's passenger seat. Miguel leaned over to land a deep kiss against your lips before driving off to the event sight.
You remembered the first time he let you in his, 'baby'. You were confused as to why he took so much care of an old 2000s Suzuki. Miguel gave you quite a story when he explained everything in detail. How even the smallest mod could change the way he drives.
There were a lot of do's and don'ts in his car too. You followed them since you knew how much Miguel cared about his car. Glancing at his backseat, you wondered what Miguel was working on there. He had been making some changes and improvements that always left you curious.
"Alright, make sure you wave that flag extra high for me when I win," Miguel said with a low chuckle as you got out of his car.
"Hopefully the prize is just as good."
"I could always use some more parts," Miguel hummed and winked towards you before driving off to the others.
You smiled brightly as you hurried to the other girls. This was going to be a first for you. Taking part in Miguel's hobby made you happy. The other girls giggled towards you as led you to the starting line. Everyone cheered once you all arrived.
"Shake that ass!!" Some of the men in the crowd cheered.
You felt your face burn up and looked around for Miguel. Once you found him, you giggled towards the glare he gave to the crowd. This was probably going to be the last time you became a flag girl. Miguel was far too possessive of you to have men drool.
"Alriiiiight, who's ready for tonight's race?!" The announcer yelled out, followed by a wave of cheers, "We got a special prize today! Been a while since we've gotten a new flag girl, so you all know what this means!"
"Trophy! Trophy! Trophy!"
"Thaaaaat's right! (Y/N) will be the delicious trophy for today's prize! Here that racers! You get a special night with our lovely (Y/N)!"
You felt your face pale as you tried to ask the other girls what the announcer meant. They all just smiled and reassured you that it was fun and no harm done. You knew better. Staring at Miguel, you frowned as you saw the scorn on his face.
Miguel hurriedly got in his car and revved up the engine. You trusted Miguel, so you had faith that he was going to win, but if he didn't...Miguel might end up fighting someone.
-------
Miguel was beyond furious. He knew that some of these races got a little out of hand, but to use you as a prize? Cussing lowly as he gripped the wheel, Miguel slammed the gas petal once the flag was raised. He refused to let anyone else have you.
Hearing another engine rev, Miguel hissed as he saw his main competition catch up to him. The nerve! Gripping onto the stick shift, Miguel just smirked as he decided to go full out. He had to show these people that he was number one for a goddamn reason!
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You were shaking in your seat as you watched the race from one of the monitors. Biting your thumb, you nearly whimpered as some of the other racers came a little too close to Miguel. Miguel was still far in the lead, but it didn't stop you from worrying.
After another few go arounds, you gasped in awe as Miguel took the victory once again. Unable to contain your excitement, you rushed over to your boyfriend as the announcer cheered him on.
"Are you ready for you-Oh, hey, wait! We're not done!"
You were giggling to yourself as Miguel carried you with in and threw you in his car before driving off. Glancing back at the annoyed announcer, you cheered and wrapped your arms around Miguel's neck from the back seat.
"I was so worried! No one told me I was going to be the prize!" You said with a soft whine. Miguel kissed your hand as he drove to a remote spot,
"Neither did I, babe. I wasn't going to let anyone win." He grumbled as he parked, "But, since I did. I should claim my prize."
You raised a brow before laughing as Miguel made his way to the backseat. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you smiled as you gave him light kisses around his face. Miguel hummed in response before licking your lips.
You parted your lips for him, moaning softly as Miguel ravished your mouth with his tongue. His hands roaming your upper body, slowly sliding your top off. A shiver ran down your spine as the cold AC from the car hit your exposed nipples.
"Are you sure you want to do it here?" You asked, humming softly as Miguel kissed your neck.
"Made sure its comfortable," Was all he said as he started to rub your clit through your pants, "But, can't make a mess in here."
You whimpered in response, arching your back as Miguel licked your breasts. His tongue swirling around your nipple as his rough movements against your clit made you tremble. You grabbed onto his arms, trying to balance yourself as you moved your hips.
Miguel grunted in response as he undid your shorts, throwing them on the ground. He proceeded to bite and suck against your nipples while his fingers went under your panties and circled against your sensitive bud.
"M-Mig~"
"So wet already for me." Miguel chuckled as you moaned, "If you make a mess in my car baby, I'll have to punish you."
"I-I won't." You whimpered, tugging against his arms.
You shuddered in pleasure as Miguel moved his fingers down to your cunt. It was hard for you to move since Miguel's body was pressing you into his seat. Another whimper of a moan escaped your lips as you felt him play with your folds before slowly entering a finger into your pussy.
"Miguel~" You cried out, throwing your head back.
Your moans grew louder as you felt your loving boyfriend pump his thick digits into your core. His tongue still against your breasts, sucking against them. You body was burning up, shaking and ready to burst...but you couldn't make a mess.
Part of you wanted to cum all over his seat and take the punishment, but the other part of you was enjoying Miguel's game. Gasping as Miguel entered another finger, you moaned loudly as he curled his fingers into your gummy core.
You finally burst when you felt his fingers press against your sweet spot. Crying out his name, you panted softly as Miguel pulled his fingers out. His smirk was wide as he licked his fingers clean, holding your hips up.
"Good girl, keeping my baby clean." He said with a low chuckle.
"Mhpm," You nodded and trembled as Miguel slowly pressed his tip inside your hole, "M-Miguel~"
"You're doing so good." He hummed, slowly pushing himself deeper inside you, "Always taking me in so well."
"Mig~ Miguel~" You cried out, feeling him fill you.
You squirmed in place, clenching against Miguel's dick as he furthered entered you. You could never get over the feeling of Miguel splitting you open, filling you to the very brim. His dick always bruising your cervix, giving you a reason to stay in bed for days.
"That's my girl," Miguel hummed as he sat his dick nice and deep inside of you.
You whined in response, reaching out for Miguel to move. He kissed your hands once more before starting his ruthless charade of thrusts. You cried and moaned as the car shook under you. Miguel's cock was slamming into your wet cunt, claiming you as his.
Arching your back as Miguel bullied his cock into you, you cried out a series of moans as you felt your orgasm approach again. Miguel held your hips, slapping himself into you. The sounds of your bodies echoing throughout the small car.
"Keep it in, baby. No messes," Miguel grunted as you came again.
You gasped and shuddered as Miguel changed positions, placing you on top of his lap. His grip was tight on your ass as he made you bounce against his cock. Pressing your chest against his, you whined as Miguel gave you his first load of cum..
"Good girl," Miguel hummed. You rested your head against his chest, your pussy sucking his cock dry,
"D-Don't bully me too much," You whimpered. Miguel stroked your cheek, kissing you deeply,
"I'm just claiming my beautiful prize," He teased, holding your hips as you started bouncing on him again, "Maybe we can make this an every victory reward?"
"Ah~ Mhm~ Y-Yes~" You moaned, panting heavily as you felt drawn into pleasure, "I-I'll reward you....for each win~"
"And if I lose?" Miguel asked, pinching your clit. You cried, cumming against him once more on the spot,
"T-Then...I'll ah~....mhm...c-console you."
"Awe, what did I do to deserve you?" Miguel chuckled, pressing you against his seat before pounding you from behind, "I'll reward you too, baby. You did cheer me on."
"Yes~ Yes!" You cried as Miguel bottomed out inside you, "M-Miguel~" You whimpered.
Miguel chuckled as he pulled out, using his fingers to keep his cum inside your abused cunt. You shivered in response and whined as Miguel put your clothes back on.
"No messes. Keep me inside." He whispered in your ear. You shivered in response and nodded,
"...So...When's the next race?"
"In an hour."
Your face turned bright red as Miguel roared in laughter. He kissed you once more before returning to the driver's seat, making his way back to the event sight. You behaved and sat in the back seat, anticipating his upcoming win.
You just had to make sure not to make a mess in his car.
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I hope you enjoyed!!!!!!!
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minervas-hand · 11 days
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Right to fear, wrong to believe
Just had a horrible realization and needed to meta it out.
How different they were before Edinburgh, when Crowley was sucked down into Hell.
Look at this flirty babygirl in the Bastille:
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I mean could he climb that tree any faster?
(This is why I really like fics that place a more physical relationship here, pre-Bastille or just post-Bastille, because c'mon look at them. )
In S1 the next thing is 1862 and Crowley asking for insurance (with a cane ffs). And Aziraphale freaking out with his "fraternizing" BS. It's jarring, until we get 1827 filled in for us in S2.
@takeme-totheworld notes in this post:
Crowley sure went from "our respective head offices don't actually care how things get done" and "nobody ever has to know" to "walls have ears" FAST after Edinburgh. And Aziraphale went from looking at Crowley with hearts in his eyes to "I've been FrAtErNiZiNg" just as quickly. I'm more convinced than ever that Edinburgh was the first time Crowley ever actually got caught and punished for fucking around with Aziraphale/doing good deeds/whatever it was they yanked him back down to Hell for, and it scared the absolute shit out of both of them and changed the whole tone of their relationship after that.
Yes! - it's clear to me as well that the Edinburgh graveyard was a very bad turning point, where they both saw that Hell was listening and would intervene. And it did change their relationship drastically, for over a century and a half (really, until looming Armageddon loosened up the stakes for them).
But what about Heaven?
See the thing is, we know Azi's been worried about Heaven watching him for the past 6000 years.
But they haven't.
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[GIFs posted by starrose17]
All this time, and Heaven had not seen them together. Hadn't noticed. Had not even LOOKED.
I want to mention what @starrose17 says about this here in this post:
What I love about this is her choice of words, “went back through the Earth Observation files.” This implies that these photos were already filed somewhere meaning somebody had to have been watching them which meant somewhere in the depths of the bureaucratic heaven there’s an underpaid angel clerk tasked with watching angels on Earth, and he’s been hording photos of his favourite Angel/Demon couple not reporting them to Michael because he wants to see what happens.
And that's exactly what this fic covers!: Spying Omens by @ednav
(Give this a read, it's fabulous.)
While I am here for this being exactly how that happens, the other scenario is colder and worse - there's no one watching, at all. It's just filing automatically and never seen until some Scrivener is called to pull a file.
From @fuckyeahisawthatat's comment here :
I found this scene to be quite chilling, actually. Not only is the idea of Heaven as a surveillance state brilliant (way to make “God is always watching” sound way more ominous) but this is exactly how modern surveillance states work. They don’t actively watch everybody all the time. That’s not physically possible for humans, and even if it is metaphysically possible for Heaven, it’s not a very efficient use of resources. Surveillance states watch people they deem “suspicious.” And once you’ve been put in the category of “suspicious,” they have massive amounts of data that they can comb through to collect a lot of information about you–to retroactively build a case justifying why you’re suspicious, to collect information about where you go and who you associate with, etc.
Yes.
So we either have secret collusion in the rank and file, or we have a surveillance state that is constantly reinforced to its subjects for fear's sake, for control.
(Well, it obviously could be both.)
BUT my point is… Up until Edinburgh, Hell has not been watching (or caring at least). And up until near the end of Armageddon't, neither has Heaven.
Oh, my poor Angel. Thousands of years, of denying yourself, of pushing Crowley away, of carrying around a tension that is it's own constellation.
After 1827 you might have reason, but for the 5000+ years before that?
Thousands of years and Heaven was not watching nor cared.
You were right to fear. And you were wrong to believe.
And that just breaks my heart.
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whorergal · 1 year
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SHE'S MINE
summary: you get attacked by ghostface but another ghostface comes in and saves you…
warnings: scream vi spoilers, language (cussing), blood, gore… typical horror stuff lol
pairings: ethan landry x fem!reader
authors note: this is my first ever imagine (and post) on here so i hope u like it >.< i want to write more so i’ll try to be active especially for ethan. also, this is pretty short so i wouldn't mind writing a part two :3
❗️: part three can be found here!
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You weren't in much of a party mood unlike the rest of your friends. Really, you haven't been in the exact mood in doing much anymore. Ever since Woodsboro, you had lost a part of yourself in the tragedy that haunted you. It was unusual especially since it was nearing Halloween, your favorite holiday, that you didn't want to participate in dressing up and getting drunk as a reward. You decided to stay inside your apartment that you shared with Anika, catching up on homework that you had missed.
Tara had made it her job to text you every so often, casually updating you on the party. After a couple more short texts, they started to become more and more hard to understand which made you laugh. At least someone was having fun.
When you sat aside your phone, trying to keep all your attention on finishing your notes, your phone began to ring. You furrowed your brows when you took a glance and saw it was coming from an unknown caller. Immediately you became paranoid. You let it ring until it ended, shaking it off as a coincidence.
Ghostface was gone. There was no possible way it could've followed you and your friends to New York City. Right?
Your phone began to ring again.
Maybe it was Tara, you thought. You knew she was drunk so maybe something happened and she was borrowing someone's phone. But why wouldn't she just use Mindy's or Anika's? You tried not to think about rational answers because you didn't want to feel stupid for answering the call when you knew you shouldn't have.
"Hello?" You answered.
"Hello, Y/N," the familiar voice said back. "You miss me?"
You should've known. Well, you did know; you were just stupid enough to think otherwise. "Fuck, no," then you hung up.
Instantly, you opened your contacts and went straight for Tara's number. But, then you remembered she was absolutely hammered which meant she probably wouldn't be much help in your situation.
You scrolled mindlessly until you landed on Ethan's contact, clicking on it instantly, seeing as he was someone you confided in the most. Mindy had already told everyone her plan tonight was to get shit-faced so you weren't confident in her being able to aid you in this; neither could you count on Anika as she would be with her.
It rang for a couple short seconds which felt like eternity for you, being panicked and all. You were relying on him answering because you weren't sure how long you had until something happened.
Luckily, he answered in confusion. "Y/N, what's wrong?"
"E, I need you to come to my place now," you let out in a complete rush, the words almost slurred together.
"What?" he questioned. "Y/N/N, I can barely hear you. Are you okay?"
"Ethan, he called me. Ghostface called me."
The line went silent, only the sound of loud music and people hollering. That was until your phone began to vibrate against your cheek, startling you. You brought it down to your line of vision and saw it was the unknown caller. Or, should you say, whatever fucked up person that was behind the mask.
"Y/N, can you hear me?!" His voice came out in distress, worried something happened to you. "Hey, Chad and I heading over right now! Y/N?!"
"They're calling again," you stated simply.
"Don't answer it!" He was practically yelling into his phone at this point because he knew exactly what you were going to do. It was what almost got you killed in Woodsboro.
You didn't listen to him, deciding to hang up on him and use your remaining courage to answer the call. If you survived once, you sure as hell can survive again.
"What the fuck do you want?" You spat in anger.
"You hang up on me again and I'll paint your bedroom walls in your blood," they rushed out. "It would be a shame for your friends to find your mutilated lifeless body, wouldn't it?"
"Fuck you." You held back your wavering because although you weren't afraid, their descriptive threat made you nauseous.
"How about we play a game?"
"How about you fuck off."
"It's an easy game, Y/N," they told you. "You answer correctly and I may consider sparing your life."
You scoffed, getting up from your bed. "Fine. I'll play your stupid game."
"Great." There was a short pause. "Where in your apartment do you think I'm at?"
The confidence crumbled as now you started to feel the rising fear bubbling in your chest. "What?"
"You heard me," they said. "Where. Am. I?"
"Fuck," you mumbled to yourself. "Why don't you just come and get me, asshole? Are you too afraid?"
"The opposite." Their voice came out hushed.
Then, your bedroom door flung open, hitting harshly against your wall that it left an indent. Ghostface came running toward you, knife rose in the air, intending to plant it into your skin but you managed to dodge their attack, shoving them onto your bed as you made your escape.
You didn't get too far as they grabbed ahold of your ankle, making you face-plant into your wooden flooring. If the pain of hitting your head against the hard surface wasn't enough, the sheer agony rippling through your leg at the feeling of their knife digging into your calf was enough to make you scream. When they pulled it out, you grew enough strength to kick them in the face as you struggled to get up, finding all your energy diminishing.
Attempting to make a run for it didn't turn out well as you heard their footsteps catch up to you, causing you to throw yourself out of the way for their knife to go straight through the door.
Your apartment was pretty small. I mean, it only housed you and Anika so there wasn't much room needed which ultimately meant there wasn't anywhere else to go. Your kitchen was connected to your living room which was also connected to your hallway. It was all one open space. So, it was no surprise that they caught up to you again.
They managed to tackle you to the floor, holding you in place by stabbing you right where you had been previously, breaking through the stitches. You screamed so loud, you were concerned at the fact that your neighbors hadn't become suspicious at the sound. Where the hell was Ethan?
Them pulling out the knife hurt much worse, causing you to whine in return. But then they stabbed you in your abdomen once more, causing you to let out a choked sob. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to release the tension as you were physically helpless at this point. You reached down, feeling the blood coat your hand as you forced them to pull the knife out of you. Using whatever energy you had left, you kicked them off of you.
You used your entire arm to hold your wounds in place as you turned to crawl away. You weren't surprised to feel them grabbing your ankle, on the leg that had been injured which made it feel ten times worse, and drag you back to them. They flipped you on your back and stared down at you for a second until they began to raise their knife in the air.
Preparing yourself for the worse, you laid there with not much else to do, waiting to be punctured for what you assumed to be the last time ever. That was until they were thrown off of you by someone smacking them in the head with the wooden cutting board Anika used to cook you two dinner. Your eyes felt heavy but you couldn't help but widen them when you saw a second Ghostface, staring down their accomplice instead of you. The sound of the wooden board clattering against the ground caused you to flinch.
The one who had previously been attacking you was shorter than this new figure. You began to crawl away again, seeing as this short distraction gave you that advantage. You were bleeding out quickly, but you didn't want give up just yet.
You made it toward your counter, glancing at them as it seemed they were having a silent conversation. That was until the shorter one attempted to attack the taller one, using their knife but they easily intercepted the stabbing by grabbing ahold of their wrist. The taller one tossed the other one carelessly against your bookshelf, causing all your shared books with Anika to fall at their collapse.
It was funny to think you were now more worried about your books well being than your own.
You cowered behind your counter, carefully watching them in total confusion. The fact one of them was defending you, which seemed to go against their whole purpose, had rendered you frozen.
There was one last silent mutual conversation until the one with the knife shook their head in what you assumed could've been anger before fleeing the scene. You followed their figure until it was gone with wide eyes.
Your breath hitched when the Ghostface that practically saved your life turned to look at you. They didn't come near you, or really move at all as they stared into your soul. There was noise coming from somewhere in the building which caught their attention, making them turn toward your door and run out as well.
You watched in surprise. What the hell just happened?
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black-lake · 1 year
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astro observations 7
hey everyone, got some new observations and random astro thoughts 👽 🔭
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🧊 The strongest aspects to the nodes in terms how obvious their effect can be, are squares then trines esp with tight orbs. They strongly activate the planet involved and the effect becomes very clear in how things unfold or manifest. e.g sun square or tine nn is more obvious to others, their personality is much more vibrant and noticeable. The conj/opp aspects are stronger but tricky to see, because they can mean something personal to the native, something karmic or unpredictable, like two people can have that aspect but have it manifest completely differently.
🧊 Saturn 11th could mean having to learn many of your life lessons through the internet or social media. Could be by observing people online and learning new things. These natives have felt alone majority of their lives and social media kept their company. May go through difficult experiences, like online bullying or feel rejected online. They eventually learn the sweet nonchalance and the importance of self love, that they don't care when people leave them or dislike them, because the ones that are meant to stay will stay. (This may apply to ppl w a stellium in the 11th, or chiron 11th).
🧊 Those who have saturn-nn aspects may have been involved with the law/governments or have fought for something that has to do with legal matters and order. Especially for or against their family. They aren't afraid to take it to court if it means regaining their rights. They tend to win cases because they have a strong sense of justice. If negatively aspected or dealt with, they may need to watch out for that, or for their need to put someone down using the law.
🧊 Venus in aries woman also like the friends before lovers dynamic, just like aqua. They prefer to be friends with guys first and can flirt with them until it evolves into a relationship. They’re also comfortable with masculine energy way more than feminine so they tend to make friends with boys a lot. Also they're not impulsive in love as they're said to be, if they choose someone it's because they found that physical chemistry, passion, youthfulness, independence, and loyalty in them, which they rarely do and they'd rather stay solo.
🧊 Thinking about how astrology signs and houses have a connection to our body, like from aries or 1st being the head, taurus or 2nd being the neck, gemini or 3rd being arms hands, cancer or 4th being the chest area, leo or 5th being the heart space, virgo or 6th being the stomach area, libra or 7th being the kidneys and lower back, scorpio or 8th being the the genitals, sagittarius or 9th being the thighs, capricorn or 10th being the knees and other bones, aquarius or 11th being the calves and ankles, and all the way down to pisces or 12th being the feet. I just find it fascinating. I know there are other body parts ruled by these signs, but I'm particularly pointing at the way it goes in order, from head to feet which is really interesting to think about, like how coincidental could that be? it makes it real.
🧊 Through learning more about astrology and how it relates to body parts, you can use that to heal and soothe your body. If you have pisces in your chart you may benefit from soaking your feet in water with salt or soap for stress relief, and grounding, being in water in general, music and rhythms could be healing too. If you have capricorn you may like to run a lot, exercise a better posture, chiropractic treatment, spend money on skincare and your dental care. If you have Leo placements, take care of your generous heart, your hair, go outside and get you vitamin d, massage your shoulders and upper back. I can do a whole post about that.
🧊 Speaking of that — I think there is so much more undiscovered in astrology. Way more info that is waiting to be discovered. We haven't been discovering much lately. I mean uranus was discovered in the 700s, neptune 800s, pluto 900s, and these were the official discoveries. The more we discover planets, galaxies or other yet to name objects, the more we discover things about our lives, and how everything in the universe is connected and affects our experience on earth. I just wanna reincarnate 700 years later and see to what extent things evolved, or maybe that's a short period. 
🧊 What if aliens are studying earth as an outer planet which may mean something particular to them just like we study say Jupiter and Saturn as planets with certain themes. Who knows what’s going on up there. But yeah this page is getting weirder by the day... I- sry 👀
🧊 I’m one of those that would skip the big three and jump right at north node aspects fr (all including minor aspects). I want to know a person’s life journey and potential before their personality traits. It can tell a lot about destiny, what comes naturally to us and where we need growth and even about our past lives. 
🧊 Consider meghan stallion whose chart I recently saw. The moment I saw it, I thought it couldn't be more fitting and clear. With mercury square nn, she had a urge to use her voice early on, her mercury is something that should be utilized, she raps and writes music. Mercury conjunct uranus, it's the unique ability to sing, rap and make music, a creative mind. Pallas opposite nn, she got a lot of natural charisma with her talents, she radiates confidence and strength which makes her liked. (also pallas-nn aspects can make someone influential). Venus sextile nn, she is well liked and has a lot of charm, she may do smth related to beauty. 
🧊 I don’t usually consider cusps in astrology when it comes to signs, it depends on whether I see the influence or not, I rarely do. But I def look at house cusps (especially asc, dsc, mc and ic). That axis, the end of a house and the beginning of the next is so important to look at, not just degrees but planets there. When planets are at the cusp of a house (up to 7°), it influences both houses i noticed. e.g. If saturn is on the cusp of the 8th and 9th then both houses are significant to look at, it could mean lessons related to studies, resources, travel, inner transformation, connections.. etc. Same with saturn on the cusp of the 11th and 12th, lessons related to friendships, hopes and dreams, the collective, loneliness, spirituality... etc. 
🧊 Planets conj/opp your asc or mc are a big part of how you appear to the world. They can overpower your asc or mc signs at times especially before you introduce yourself and have a proper talk with someone. Once they know you personally they'll pick up on the ascendant sign traits. Strangers or the ones that don’t know you will pick up on the planet's energy before the sign. e.g. if you have uranus conjunct asc or mc, no matter the ascendant your uranus qualities will be more visible to others. If you have more than one planet conj/opp then you could give off different impressions to different people. I have uranus conjunct mc and pluto opposite ascendant, I've had some see me as eccentric, detached and some others as mysterious, powerful. This applies to planets in 1st and 10th.
🧊 The most difficult moon signs are capricorn, scorpio, aquarius and virgo. They know what it feels like to be emotionally drained, yet empty. They'd rather not show emotion, even scorpios don't show a fraction of the range of emotions they experience. They deal with it differently, but they all put on a cold front, even with themselves, seeming unemotional, especially the saturians. They sometimes don’t know how to show the depth, wisdom and caring heart they have, but they damn sure know how to work hard and be that special person. They add so much to the world but they don’t feel like they fairly get any back. Each of these signs have distinct traits of their own but I applaud y’all. The most interesting to observe truly. 
🧊 Also with these moon signs, their mother may have been a challenging figure in their lives, she may have been either critical, controlling, egoistical, cold or just absent in some way. They likely didn't have an easy childhood to say the least.
🧊 The moon is what we inherit from the mother and it's exactly how we develop those traits, and how we essentially... treat her back. So if the mommy of a cap moon child thought she could be overbearing, cold and expect the unexpected from her child, she can be met with an advanced level of coldness and authority from her grown child, thanks to her. Same with a virgo moon child's mother, if she thought she could be critical and compare them to literally anything and judge the hell out of their existence, they would give her a neat taste of her medicine, sharper criticism backed with better facts. The mother also learns a lot from her children through their moon sign. This applies to all moons.
🧊 I noticed that scorpio placements don't find it easy to change or let go of things (unless they have many pluto aspects). I met many scorpio ppl and they tend to hold on to the past, tightly. Many of them told me they hate moving out. It depends on other placements tho, if mixed with capricorn or earth, they are sooo traditional and stubborn my god. If mixed with air, they're less to hold on. Pluto placements and aspects are the actual phoenixes, they embrace every part of their transformation process, they burn things to ashes and emerge stronger, I love seeing it.
🧊 Every time I meet a pisces moon person, they have some unusual quirks to them. They can have this awkward yet charismatic behavior, like wtf was that, but you stare at their watery eyes. Pisces moon men esp, the weirdest sense of humor 🤚s down, but you can't help it cuz it's cute. Which is why they can trick and manipulate you cuz you thought they were innocent *pleading emoji*.  
🧊 Quintiles and bi-quintiles give me an aquarius vibe, they hold such a unique energy to them, a different connection between the planets. Quintiles to the nodes or mc, it's so refreshing and special whatever that quality you got, it may even be addictive to others (sun, venus, neptune quintile nn). Check if you have asteroids quintile the nodes, you may benefit from tapping in to the potential they hold and utilizing it.
🧊 Whatever house pluto is in it’s where you got power that you needed to learn to take back. It was gained eventually through being taken away from you or not seen by you. The power of realizing the effect you have over the themes of a certain house which activates it.
🧊 Some examples, pluto 10th, how people see you publicly may not be who you are at home. The accusations or assumptions, the jealousy and maybe even manipulations about your career choices made you feel powerless at times but it’s where your power lies. As soon as they discover that it's up to them to decide who they are publicly, they take back that power and show up in the public as an unstoppable force, changing the world. Pluto 7th, the constant mirroring of people’s shadows, the projections, the lies or manipulations that happened in their relationships made the native feel powerless in connections and over the way they see or present themselves. Once they embrace the way they appear and connect with others, a new sense of strength and power is awakened in them and they radiate that even more strongly, this time unapologetically. 
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bonus - asteroids obs ⚛︎
🧊 People that have charisma (627) in a fire sign stand out when they're taking action, they naturally radiate that leadership vibe, others expect them to take imitative with things especially if it's in aries, they have that youthful go getter vibe. If it's in leo they're seen as very influential and others follow their lead. If in sag they're seen as funny and joyous to be around, everyone wants to be with them. 
🧊 Asteroid aura (1488) can show you what colors and styles look good on you, check the sign, degree and house. If it's in an earth sign, those earthy colors, greens, browns, formal, vintage. dark academia styles. If in a fire sign, those fiery vibrant colors, colorful sparkly makeup, casual yet bold looks. In an air sign, classy or street looks, patterns and accessories, youthful styles. If in a water sign, dreamy flowy fabrics, neutral colors, blues and purples, jewels.
🧊 Also check the planets it aspects, say aura is in pisces conj saturn then you can incorporate those dreamy looks in a saturnian typa way, e.g. I imagine a man in a bright silk shirt with brown vintage pants, a matching jacket, and a pearl choker, something ethereal but earthy at the same time. 
🧊 Asteroid sirene (1009) in scorpio, aspecting pluto or in the 8th could make someone have an extremely alluring presence like you would want to stare for long to understand their vibes but you won't. I also find it alluring if it's in capricorn, aquarius or pisces. 
🧊 Asteroid meesters (10647) and talent (33154) in aquarius or the 11th could mean creating or inventing something new in your field, having or mastering a unique or rare skill. This can also mean recognition for a unique talent. Aspecting nn can mean you mastered some talents in a past life or will in this life.
-- I had these for so long in my notes, but I just felt inspired to post, forgive me. 🐯🫶
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copperbadge · 3 months
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More on mindfulness and meditation
I feel like perhaps I came across as anti-meditation in that last post I did on it, and there were some folks who were a bit vocal about not liking meditation in the notes, but the notes also had some great and interesting discussion of what can count as mindfulness that isn't traditional meditation and what some alternatives might be, so I wanted to do a follow-up. Especially since I don't think I'm going to get to respond to everyone individually.
The post was not meant to be anti-meditation, but to express frustration with the way meditation frequently is, or rather fails to be, taught. I can understand why people would struggle with "mindfulness" (vastly overused term) and meditation, so I'm not here to argue with or shame anyone, and I really appreciate the alternative suggestions. But because mindfulness can mean so many things, and people can meditate for many different reasons, I wanted to talk a little about why I'm being asked to do it.
It's easy to lose track of why one might try meditation for mental health, because the cause and effect are so temporally dislocated from each other. I try to keep in mind that my specific goal is emotional regulation deriving from increased present-moment attention. Some of the stuff that was suggested is great for a goal other than this, like puzzle games that allow people to empty their racing minds or activity that brings someone back into their body when dissociating -- both extremely laudable functions! -- but that's not why I'm here. Meditation is meant, for me, to be a maintenance medication, not a rescue inhaler.
There is science that suggest that mindfulness practice, under a specific definition of the term, can help to manage emotional dysregulation, ameliorate Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and reduce depression and anxiety. I discuss the science in a slideshow here but essentially this specific form trains the attention into the present moment, which improves executive function -- and as we know, emotional regulation is a facet of executive function, so this leads to better emotional regulation.
There is not a lot of science on it yet so there is room here for yoursamplesizeissmall.jpg, but it's all we've got so I'm running with it. There is one foundational practice and three practices that build on it which effected this change in subjects of the study:
Breathing Meditation doesn't really confer any benefit the others don't, but the others all employ it as a basic practice. We know this can calm the parasympathetic nervous system, although to be honest I have not found that to be the case personally. As soon as I stop the deep breathing I'm right back where I was, likely because my issue is ruminational, not situational. But everything else wants you to breathe first, so I still have to do it.
Body Scan focuses attention on the body and as others have pointed out is good for people prone to dissociation. As I said in the other post, I live here; paying extra attention to my body isn't something I need. I was asked to try it anyway as part of a practice in keeping an open mind about stuff I think is dumb, and clearly I do need practice in that. Still, it's likely I'll be able to let this one go pretty soon.
Loving-Kindness asks you to think positively about others, expanding compassion from a single point outward to the world. I've encountered this before in reading Pema Chodron; I don't do it as meditation, but I do try to practice it in life because I am not naturally a patient or compassionate person, and that has been helpful in the sense that it keeps me from getting punched in the face a bunch. For me there's no real "train the attention to be in the present" aspect on account of that, however.
Observing-Thought is where you just sit with your thoughts, let them arise, sometimes label them in some way, and let them go. I was most interested in this purely because it's the only one I hadn't already encountered. I haven't found it useful so far, but I don't have enough data about it to be definitive, and if it is training executive function I would expect that to take time.
Now, I know that all four of these have science backing them, so I know that we're not just dealing in new-age woo here. The problem is functional, not theoretical. The issue overall is not "meditation is boring" -> "find a way to make it interesting", although I do appreciate that it may be an issue for others and I like that people were offering solutions. The issue for me is that the boredom derives from the fact that the meditation isn't being taught. There's no progressional learning -- there's no step-progress-reward-step-progress-reward like with most difficult skills.
Any task is boring if you aren't deriving any reward from it or you are being expected to execute it without skills or training, and in this case I'm facing down both. Long silences from a meditation leader are fine if you're there to engage with a practice you already have familiarity with, but if you're trying to learn, they are the opposite of helpful, and they are actively punishing to someone with ADHD.
I don't want to be entertained (I mean, generally I do, but in this case I don't expect it). What I want is a pedagogical approach that steps up to the practice rather than beginning with it, so that I know I'm doing it right, I experience rewards along the way similar to how I currently do learning Italian, and I have more confidence that what seems dull and fruitless actually will produce results.
Uh, so yeah thanks for coming to my TEDtalk; the fact that a practice that's especially hard for people with ADHD helps with almost every problem ADHD presents really sucks, and I wish we approached teaching meditation as if it were something you actually did have to learn rather than something you're supposed to Do Until You Get It. In the meantime I guess bumping the speed on the recording isn't the worst thing I could be doing.
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sunnylands-world · 6 months
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If it's the last time forever
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PAIRING: Draco x fem reader
SUMMARY: it wasn't ever supposed to be more than a few nights together but a few nights can lead to three words that can ruin everything
WORD COUNT: 1'243
WARNING: mentions of sex, angst, some poetry I wrote in between
UNIVERSE: harry potter
A/N: hi everyone! Sorry I haven't been as active, adult life is kicking my ass right now, anyway I have a request similar to this so I'm thinking I'll make that part 2
You read the warnings if you continue to read. I'm not to be held responsible.
Comments, reblogs, and inboxes are appreciated and motivational
I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVING MY WORK POSTED TRANSLATED OR PUBLISHED TO ANY THIRD-PARTY SITE OR APP. IF ANYONE SEES MY WORK ANYWHERE BUT HERE IT HAS BEEN REPOSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.
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Draco knew what this time meant. He'd come to your door around this hour many times but this time it felt more weighted, like what was behind it was his two way answer for life and choosing the wrong answer would ruin everything, he didn't like this feeling. It was suffocating, wrapping his heart in rope and pulling at it till it bled and left sores; but this wasn't supposed to feel that way and it hadn't always.
It was just sex, it had been for months and that's how it was supposed to stay but going into this he knew the risk of touching, seeing, and breathing you in.
That's what started this in the first place.
He'd wanted you but not like this, not before at least. In the beginning he wanted you to himself for pleasure and pleasure only. He didn't like the thought of sharing what he touched and you were his, just for a night; but after a while it wasn't just a quick leave and enter…
The words that were whispered in a breath, the touches that gripped tighter, and the positions went from just feeling to seeing.
The need to see your eyes, the need to feel your lips.
you'd both broken the rules all because sex gave way for feelings and they were clearly there with every movement but neither of you let the words that would change it all slip…
That's where it got intense, that was the hold back that was the brick of ice on waves of water.
As you opened the door you didn't even meet his eyes, and in the beginning that was how it was supposed to be but now it hurts not seeing them look hopeful and excited to see him.
He only sighed as he looked you over while you fidgeted with your fingers. you were so beautiful so perfect to him, something written out of his own diary…
"We need to stop this," you rushed the words out like they were hot on your tongue and he had to admit they stung.
"I- fine" he said, kicking his raw emotions down the steps and watching them tumble.
"Why can't you just say it, do I really mean nothing to you? are you not even gonna try to change my mind!?" You shouted, cracks in your voice making way for your tears to fall and shaking like you'd cave.
"ricochet, ricochet my love… don't fall apart because of me."
"Say what?! That I want this!" He snapped, still fighting back the part of him that wanted more.
"you won't even fight for us, it's like you're heartless!" You say, pointing at him and every breath sucked in like there's not enough air to breathe.
"Can I hold you close, caress your skin, til you can breathe once again? I am the wave beneath your boat, I know how well you float…"
he wanted to tell you that it wasn't true, that he'd been thinking about you when he wasn't here. that he'd been distracted because he needed to be near you to focus. That every time he said possessive things in your ear he meant it but…he wasn't going to.
"I'd tell you something in French because it's pretty, but I can't speak it. My darling, my love. it's hard to be romantic when you're choking on food"
he wasn't sure why but all this scared him, maybe it was because he was in a position that put you in danger or maybe he was afraid of what this all meant but seeing you cry like this dropped his heart Into in stomach breaking it into pieces. He never wanted to be the source of your pain, he only wanted to make everything better but here he was breaking your heart because he was scared.
"Don't cry, please don't cry. I swear I tried but I fuck up sometimes. This isn't an excuse, my pretty muse. I'm an asshole and I know it's true but I sure do give a fuck about you"
"Are you ashamed? Is that it? Does being in love with Harry Potter's sister bother you that much? No, you're a coward. you don't want others to see you with me!"
Your words were full of rage and he deserved it but this was how it had to be, to much was what it would cost and because he hadn't really experienced love he was sure it was worth the risk but he also didn't want it to end like this but telling you otherwise would light a fire in you with hope so he lied.
"yes! I'm afraid I'll look like less if I'm with you!" He said and it sounded like a script he'd rehearsed but it did the job because you felt like a bullet went through you, you were bleeding out, possibly dying.
"Say it isn't true. I'm pulling the rope because I'm in love with you. Be the one to pull it back, fight for what I tried to push back. I won't last long your love gives me a heart attack"
"Get out! And don't even come back again, I never want to see you again, don't speak to me ever again!!" You shouted slamming the door in his face and just like that it was over.
He had to hide his pain as he walked away. He didn't need people to know he was seeing you in the first place. He could hear his father now, picture all the danger this one relationship could be.
He knew if others found out they'd have a field day with the knowledge that draco malfoy was with potter's sister. Word would travel fast like fire on grass, one blade catching and passing along until the whole field burned and that would mean the other death eaters would know. then they'd force him to say where Harry was or worse tell him to trick you into trusting him enough so he could get closer to harry and then they'd want him to kill him.
He couldn't do that to you, he wouldn't.
As time went by his days seemed to be darker than before, much darker and colder than his home.
He didn't like not seeing you anymore, not breathing your air, not meeting your eyes that held a light pulling him and taking him away from all of this.
He wished it was different, pictured a life where he wasn't who he was. Just an ordinary boy without complications but maybe then none of this would have happened, there may not have ever been a him and you.
It made his heart heavy and put a pit in his belly and his throat felt closed and empty. Were you worth it? Were you worth changing everything… he knew you were but he was still just Draco Malfoy and he knew deep down that what happened between you would be the last time forever…
Or maybe it wouldn't
"I can kiss a million roses and forget which one but the reds all stay the same like our love with a claw. I've never been scared of bears because I've never seen them maul but now I know they do have claws, scratching at our love like we've attacked them all. fear not my love, it's not the end for hearts can heal again and roses may grow with new stems…"
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MY TAGLIST HAS OFFICIALLY SHORTENED! IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN MORE OF MY WORK FOR DRACO COMMENT BELOW! 🥳
©Sunnylands-world this belongs to me therefore you don't have the right to do anything with my work or ideas without permission.
Nice thought, reblogs, and inboxing is appreciated and motivational ❤
Draco lovers and requests
@alexxavicry, @kyracanwrite, @animeloverfreak310, @phildunphyisadilf
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wildlife4life · 2 months
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Seven (+) Sentence Sunday
Tagged by super amazing @exhuastedpigeon @cal-daisies-and-briars @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz @glorious-spoon @wikiangela @daffi-990 @tizniz @devirnis @watchyourbuck @hoodie-buck @loserdiaz @spotsandsocks and @diazsdimples. Thank you all so much!
Alright, so I know haven't been as active since dropping the first chapter of NFL Buck. I've just been sort of down because that same day, the Super Bowl Champs had their parade and rally, and just after it ended there was a mass shooting. My younger sister was there with some friends and they got away unharmed, but when she didn't answer my message for a long 30 minutes, I truly thought the worst. I've just been so sad and angry for Kansas City, for the US really and I just couldn't get into the spirit of writing. I'm not getting into the politics of it all today and my sister is coming for a visit soon, so I'm feeling marginally better. KC Strong.
First chapter of NFL Buck has been dropped, but everything else I've posted for this fic can be found here. Here is a snippet from the Eddie Begin's arc of NFL Buck.
Hurricane Harvey was relentless for almost four days, bullying southern Texas with unforgiving wind and an exurbanite amount of rain. Houston fire department and so many others worked day and night to help those who had not evacuated.  It was absolute chaos, and it blew through Eddie’s entire life. The storms had wreaked havoc on the cell towers, which meant service was spotty to none and radios became the main source of communication for rescuers. By some miracle, though, the internet connection at the firehouse held strong. It was slow and glitched out here and there, reminding Eddie too much of his time in Afghanistan. He watched his infant son grow up through a screen, with his very upset wife barely holding on and his parents hovering nearby, souring the video calls even further. Christopher was no longer a whimpering baby in his mother’s lap but looking at his saddened son on a glitching iPad screen with a tense Maddie sitting beside him, was too familiar.  Add in the argument he had with Buck just before, and the threat of danger just outside the firehouse, Eddie was back to being a scared 19-year-old in war riddled country. “Dad, grandma said we’re not going to visit Buck anymore. That he’s too busy. And Maddie tried to call him, but he didn’t answer and…” The eight-year old’s voice trails off, his lips trembling. Eddie bites his inner cheek hard. This was on him. He gave into his mother’s worries and demands about traveling through Texas during the hurricane.  Helena was too stubborn and being his mother, she knew every damn button to push, and Eddie was tired of fighting.  So, he reluctantly agreed to cancel the visit and his mother grinned a little too sharply before stating, “I’m sure Maddie will enjoy having her brother to herself.” Another ploy to take Christopher and Eddie fucking fell for it. Then his mother took it a step further by graciously telling Buck and Maddie herself, that Christopher would no longer be joining them in Dallas and to enjoy their time together for as long as they need it. Eddie knew his mother didn’t approve of his relationship with Buck, more so than his previous one with Shannon. The only reason she kept her mouth shut was the potential back lash of upsetting Christopher. But she already succeeded in having a hand in driving away Shannon and she probably believed she could do the same with Evan.
With this fic, there are a lot of canon events with twists. The usual timeline does not exists. But I hope you all enjoyed!
Tagging (no pressure): @bekkachaos @theotherbuckley @lover-of-mine @buddierights @try-set-me-on-fire @jesuisici33 @jeeyuns @aroeddiediaz @giddyupbuck @rainbow-nerdss @thewolvesof1998 @eddiescowboy @eddiebabygirldiaz @spaceprincessem @athenagranted @evanbegins @elvensorceress @malewifediaz @911onabc @911-on-abc @ladydorian05 @bigfootsmom @thekristen999 @spagheddiediaz @rogerzsteven @honestlydarkprincess @doublecheekeddiaz @buck-coded @prosperdemeter2 @lemonzestywrites @gayedmundodiaz @transboybuckley @nmcggg
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Update :)
It's funny how it's been such a long time since I've posted here, yet it still feels like home—hello, loves~!
It goes without saying that I owe an explanation as to why I disappeared from the face of the Earth for so long.
The last time I was able to truly connect with you was when my family and I caught Covid (great times, let me tell you) - after that, I totally disappeared, and as much as I would love to say it was for good and positive reasons, to be very blunt and straight to the point, it wasn't.
For those sensitive to the topics of illness and mental health, skip to the image of a giant cat for the good news!
Once again, as everyone knows, my whole family got COVID-19. While my Mom, Dad, and I weren't too hot, we were functioning. But my husband was really struggling. And when weeks passed, and his health started to get worse and worse, we realized that this was something more than just COVID-19.
My husband is hesitant to provide full details about what occurred, primarily because it's still a recent event and something he's currently grappling with. Still, my husband went from being a healthy, physically active person to being bedridden.
It was a really hard time for everyone because my husband is like the sun. All smiles and outgoing - to suddenly unable to eat or hold down food, needing help with showering and to be very blunt, depressed and suicidal because he lost everything due to this sickness.
Unfortunately, cancer runs in his family, and while he got tested multiple times and came back negative (yay!), he is still not out of the dark. He has done numerous surgeries in hopes of getting better (his most recent this January), and at this time, his last resort is getting a colostomy bag. He is currently undergoing some experimental treatments because doctors don't want to do the surgery based on his age.
It goes without saying why I haven't been posting and updating anything. There's been a lot going on, and I want to be on his side as much as possible.
But there is some good news!
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I am mainly posting this message because he has improved greatly these past few weeks and is now in a much better physical and mental state. Seeing him get his feet back on the ground has given me the confidence to resume writing.
I have never stopped writing, but I have stopped publicly posting my writing mainly because I didn't have the time to sit down and properly edit.
My friends behind the scenes have been real stars. They have kept me going and encouraged me to keep writing.
I aim to post small works and drabbles until I feel confident enough to finish my biggest baby, Limerence.
To all those messages saying you missed Yue and Zuko, they're back - sorry, not sorry.
Thank you to everyone who has written messages to me. Trust me when I say I read them all, and I truly appreciate them. It meant a lot to get them and read them when I was not active because there were a few dark moments during my time away with everything going on, and honestly, it made me really happy. While I could never express my thanks in enough words, please know I greatly valued it.
I wanted to keep this short and sweet, but as we know, I am not known for short things (I try I swear askdjahjhksdj)😅
Thank you, and I wish everyone a fabulous day with tons of hugs and kisses.
I can't wait to write to you all soon~ ❤️
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archivalofsins · 4 months
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Let's talk about Mikoto's first two interrogation questions and why I'm super not interested or surprised by any of his answers. For the record so I don't have to go over all this again here is a post that links to a good chunk of what I've written discussing Mikoto already that I worked on with @apatchworkstar.
At least the big stuff. So, people can look back and see how my logic has developed over time when it comes to him specifically. Because I'm about to throw out some hard to swallow truths.
One being
Just because someone keeps claiming they were "Trying so hard." doesn't mean it's fucking true. Secondly, even if it is true that doesn't excuse or give them the right to murder anyone.
So, let's get libelous real quick and drag this drama kings name through the fucking mud.
Sorry, my liege you're getting a bit carried away~
Okay whoa, whoa- Wait, wait! I thought you liked Mikoto. Shouldn't you be happy people are taking his problems seriously and treating these issues with respect. I mean work abuse like any sort of abuse is bad.
Okay, point created to simply allow me to further elaborate on my own train of thought and where I'm at. Yes, I do care about and like Mikoto as a character. That does not mean I just accept when someone is feeding me bullshit.
Literally we've seen everyone else going to the places or doing the jobs that triggered the incident they were involved in. Mu has been at her school since Milgram started. Yuno has been shown working with her clients since Milgram started.
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Kazui has been shown at the bar since Milgram started. Hell we've even seen Futa at his college.
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Mikoto Kayano has not been shown at work or doing his job since Milgram started. There have only been allusions made to his work. The one image we have in Undercover isn't even confirmed to be his actual fucking office and could be a desk in his home that the chair in his mental space and home goes to. So, what evidence do we have that his job was difficult outside of texts he actively ignored that states he left without notice to go home and attempted to call him back in something he actively decided not to do or even respond to as is his right as a working adult?
We would actually have to make multiple assumptions in order to frame the instance we see there as abusive outside of damn that's an ungodly hour. Yet this man isn't fucking special some people work nights and he's stated he's meant to work nights since the beginning of fucking Milgram. That's a part of the company he decided he wanted to be in, chose to enter, and refused to leave.
Trial one written interrogation question six.
Q.06  What do you hate? Mikoto: working overnight / reptiles / violence
He's worked overnight enough to fucking know he hates it but-
Trial two written interrogation question two.
Q.02 Haven't you considered changing your job? Mikoto: No way; I went through a lot to get into such a big company. Even if it's draining, if I work hard my efforts will pay off.
Something he's had no issue stating from the beginning. From the start of Milgram Mikoto's concern has been I better not get fired because of you and if I do you better take responsibility for it. One of his voice lines from the beginning of this literally being-
Mikoto first voice drama 3:46
"I have my own life, you know? And I just got accepted into the company that I was aiming for… If I get fired, you’ll have to take responsibility for that."
From the beginning, through everything he's done and said Mikoto has shown where his priorities lie. It's not with getting home or seeing his family like the rest of the prisoners. No, his priority has always been getting the hell out of here and back to his job because his life plans have been derailed enough. Because his life wasn't meant to be this way and he has things he needs to do to get the life he believes he's entitled to.
Going to his job regardless of how draining or terrible it looks from an outsider's perspective is and always has been a part of and the biggest part of his life plan. He never trash talks his company for how it treats him despite bringing it up in both his written interrogations.
In fact, it's the exact opposite.
Written interrogation one question eight.
Q.08  What’s the most rewarding part of your current job? Mikoto: I mean, it’s the top advertising agency in the industry?Anyone would be proud to be a part of it. I put a lot of work in just to get here, too.
Even framing it like a question like are you stupid- Do you live under a fucking rock??? Is that it? it's the top advertising agency in the fucking industry.
Are you daft warden-
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What's more important than the status and recognition one implicitly gets from being able to work in a company like that? If this place is in my work history and I manage to go freelance later on, in good standing with this company, do you know how liberating that would be. Do you know how quickly people would have faith in me to do what they were hiring me for with this place as a reference-
I mean.
Q.04  Are you picky when it comes to fashion? Mikoto: Of course I am. Nobody would want to ask for anything from an unfashionable designer, right?
I'm fucking tailor-made for business. I live breath and eat this shit because I fucking need to. Because it's a stepping stone for my dream. You wouldn't want to get in the way of that, right~ Oh, that's unlikable I don't fucking care if there's a corporate ladder I'm going to fucking climb it. Survival of the fittest and all that. Though it's improper to admit that as a working adult, you know? If you can't communicate properly that's bad for business.
You can't, for example, go around being angry all the time even if you want to. You've gotta be able to play ball and take a few punches to get anywhere in this world. How do you expect people to want to work with you otherwise?
20/06/15 Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly. Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross. Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right? Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?
It doesn't matter if your kindness is genuine or not. As long as you're able to close that gap and make people like you then you can sell them anything. It'll pay off eventually you know. Though it's better to do anything you can to make that eventually sooner rather than later~
20/05/25 Mikoto: ……I’ve really got caught up in some trouble, huh. What even is this place? It’s probably a TV reality show or something. ……but to think someone in this day and age would try to do a project that could land them in so much trouble. Uh…… Mahiru: Ah…… I’m Shina Mahiru! You can just call me Mahiru. And you are……? Mikoto: Kayano Mikoto. I’m fine with just Mikoto too. Ahh, I’m glad there’s someone here who’s easy to talk to…… It’s nice to meet you, Mappy. Mahiru: ………… ……Mappy???
Mikoto trial one written interrogation question nine.
Q.09 Why do you give everyone nicknames? Mikoto: I guess it became a habit when I was at university. Having a nickname for someone that only you call them comes with a lot of advantages, do recommend.
As long as you can sell it with a smile they'll warm up eventually. Yet, being disliked by certain people can be social and career suicide you know~
20/07/08 Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though. Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too. Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes. Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like- If I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?
Yuno trial one voice drama 7:59
"Hm, what this? A lecture. Are you a believer in seishinron? I hate them more than anything else, you know?"
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Basically, someone who believes that any problem can be worked through by just putting in a bit more effort.
"If I work hard my efforts will pay off."
Ha, ha- Not everyone has the privilege to smile whenever they feel like it. Some people's entire futures are riding on if the people around them decide to play nice or not and it all rides on them to play nice first- You know? Maybe that is what they call being a working adult. Maybe people like this just don't understand. Is it difficult to comprehend~ Huh, is this hard for you warden?
Well, you were given a pretty cushiony job out of the blue. It must be oddly comfortable for you. Judging others from your position and then sleeping for several months. They even provide you three meals a day while I can barely get a lunch break- Ah, jealous~
Guards, just-
"Come to know me as an honest man."
See me as someone hardworking and family oriented. See me as someone trying to show those he cares about that they can do these things too-
Q.01 Do you have a good relationship with your little sister? Mikoto: Absolutely. I want to show her how her big brother is working hard in the city.
See me as a man that believes in the myth of meritocracy. Someone who believes if they just work hard enough, if I push myself a little more regardless of how I'm treated it'll work out eventually. All of my efforts will be rewarded because they deserve to be. That's how these things should go. So, society should recognize and reward those who do good work consistently.
Not just people they find likable or easy to talk to. My work should be able to speak for itself. So, if I just keep working it'll all come together but I can't do that while being held here. How can I achieve my dreams if I can't even get to work huh? What happens if i get fired while here I have a life to you know-
I've been working so much- I had such a hard time. I've even played along with this silly joke- I've been such a good sport, right? Right? So- why tell me why can't you just be a good sport back? Aren't I entitled to a little bit of leniency? I'm a victim here too, ya know! So, why?
Tell me WHY-
It’s the same anywhere I go! It’s like what’s WRONG isn’t WRONG!/ "Why, why-"
"If only I were never born, if only..."/ "If I was gone, If I had just disappeared..."
20/05/31 Mu: Hey, Mikoto-kun, aren’t you scared of this place……? You can’t think of any reason you ended up here, right……? Mikoto: Ahh, yeah. Of course, it’s not like I’m not scared at all. But just between you and me…… I still haven’t dropped the thought that this could all just be a TV show. I mean, I really haven’t ever murdered anyone. ……and if that is the case, we’re definitely being monitored. For like a prank setup or something. Wouldn’t it be super uncool and embarrassing to get angry or lash and have it shown on prime time? Mu: Is that what you think……? A prank, huh…… I hope that’s all it is…… Mikoto: Ah! If that is the case, then you’ll probably be super popular since you’re so cute, Mucchan! There’s a lot of girls out there who make their big break coming off reality shows like that!
Mikoto trial one written interrogation question 3.
Q.03 Have you ever had a romantic partner? Mikoto: Of course I have. Do I really look like I’d be that unpopular?
"Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying?"/ "Why won’t you stop hurting me? My heart is all dried up. My sorry spells must be wearing off."
"I can't take it anymore..."/ "Why?"
"Why, why, I’m so sorry."/ " “I’m sorry” won’t reach anyone."
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Just-
"If I am a bad girl don’t hate me."/"Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down."
It must be a tad embarrassing to fall for the same trick twice in the same series.
Hold on. It’s not my fault- You knew it, right?
Guards, you must be working really hard. It's difficult to figure out under so much pressure with so little time. I mean you only had all of trial one and the three months after Double.
"Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it- Ahhh!"
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"I was miserable, someone please help me."/ "I was having such a hard time."
"I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?"/ "All I did was dream, and that’s what you found GUILTY?"
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“I” will save “me”.
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It's no one fault really~
So, why don't we just all get along for now? Like working adults. No one has to judge anyone here. Let's all just get along!
Mikoto first voice drama 3:10
Milgram tells me that you killed someone. That's enough for me. "Why are you just blindly believing that? There's no getting through to you...!"
Muu's second voice drama 14:56
"Anyway… I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe too. Ah, actually, couldn’t you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won’t run amok, and you won’t have to think about all the difficult stuff."
But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is./I'm probably not to blame. It's probably nothing. I'm probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon.
The interesting thing about both Mikoto and Es' behavior is that they both blindly believe in systems that leave them very little to no protection or are actively exploiting them. They both believe their jobs to be their salvation. That if they just keep working it'll all turn out right.
That if they just do their jobs without question everything will work itself out. That the only way out is through. Es all of trial two has rationalized the results of trial one by saying they were just doing their job. Following what they were told. How is that any different from Mikoto. How is that any different from Amane?
Everyone needs something to believe in from day to day. Something that allows them to feel secure in their own position and feel as if they have some control over their lives even if in reality they have very little.
People need beliefs to tell them how to function in systems. Yet those beliefs can end up protecting systems from deserved scrutiny. In a way making people complacent in them or leading to them perpetuating these systems without question. Because when people are trying to keep themselves from going under they don't have time to question the powers that put them in the position to go under to beging with.
When you're drowning everything looks like a lifepreserver even the things that will make a person sink faster. People use the beliefs that they cultivate over the course of their lives to rationalize if the treatment they're receiving is correct or not-
It must be a mistake right?
To tell them if their own response to something was justified or not.
"Eat this! Don’t act like you have no idea! We won’t forgive you! You’re the crazy one! Ban-Ba-Bang!"/"If you’re going to break your vow- Here and now, it’s my turn to tear you apart. So there is no second time, I’ll give back the judgment that you gave to me."
Something that makes them feel like their decisions were the right ones,
"What am I supposed to do now? If you won’t tell me, I can’t be me."/ "Maybe, perhaps... or... could it come true... like- It’s for the sake of true love, who wouldn’t lie for that?"
Something that tells them-
It's not my fault.
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wolfjackle-creates · 2 months
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1000 Follower Celebration!
I'm blown away, honestly. The last time I had any notoriety in a fandom was back in, like 2007 or 2008 when I was on the Dibbuns Against Bedtime fan forums for Redwall. I was made the head of my dorm as the site started dying because I was the most active member in said dorm.
But you all? You're here because you like something I'm making? It's so wild to me. I appreciate every single one of you. Every like, every reblog, every comment. They warm me up.
I've been thinking over the last few days what I want to do. The obvious answers—prompt fills, polls to determine what I write, story snippets—I do all that with too much regularity. And I'm trying to avoid taking on more fics as I focus on the ones I've already got going.
So we're gonna do something a bit different this week.
Over the next week (From Wed 2/21 to Wed 2/28) send me the title of one of my WIPs (listed below) and I will respond with a few paragraphs. Not my usual 1.2-1.6k that I like to do for WIP Wednesday, but a few paragraphs. At the end of the week, I'll compile them all and post everything in a single post.
I won't be adding all the links like I usually do with each addition to a story until I post that final draft, but I'll tag everything with "[story name] 1000" so you can click that and follow along with the fic in some sort of order.
There are six WIPs eligible for the game! Please limit yourself to one fic per ask, but you may send in multiple asks. I will request that, for now, you limit yourself to one request per fic (aka a max of 6 requests per person). If I find that I'm able to keep up, I may waive that request in the upcoming days. But it will depend on how busy my inbox (and life) get.
Bring Me Home
Ghost!Robin
Answer My Call
I'll Carry Your Heart (Until I Find You Again)
Want to Hold On and Feel I Belong/Bad Reveal AU
Empathy!Verse
I totally forgot about the Empathy!Verse when I did my last ask game. Mostly because that has been entirely written on Tumblr and I...kinda forgot to transfer it to a Scrivener document. Ooops. 😅
Something to Feel isn't on this list because I want to dedicate my time to it today. I'm close to the end, I think, and already have one ask in my inbox about it that I totally meant to get to before now (if it's your ask, I promise I haven't forgotten you!).
Brief Story Summaries
Bring Me Home: Tim and Danny are online friends and know each other's secrets. Currently in the arc where the Young Justice and Team Phantom help Danny escape after a reveal gone wrong.
Ghost!Robin: Jason is haunted by the ghost of the Robin he used to be. Danny finds out when Jazz introduces him to Jason over a meet-the-in-laws dinner. Currently, Jason and Robin are meeting with Frostbite to learn what may have happened.
Answer My Call: Jazz is sending texts to Danny after he escaped a GIW facility and they can't talk. But it turns out Jason is the one who's actually been getting them.
Carry Your Heart: Jason and Danny meet in the Ghost Zone while Jason is dead. They become friends. But Jason runs to Desiree to wish for his life back. A wish she fulfills. Danny goes to visit him, only to find his core left behind in a lair that's in ruin.
Bad Reveal AU: Danny is living with the Waynes when he finds out they're also the Bats. He freaks out because he believes the bats are working with the government (aka the GIW). So he shoots Bruce and runs away. The bats are now trying to convince him it's safe to come home.
Empathy!Verse: Liminal!Jazz is studying in Gotham and feeling the lack of other liminals to interact with. After getting used to the undercurrent of emotion that follows all interactions with ghosts/liminals, humans just feel...flat. Then one day, she literally runs into another liminal as she's going to the library. Jason Todd. Only... he doesn't know what it means to be liminal. So Jazz is there to show him.
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eldritch-nightmare · 2 months
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❝ it's not much, but i got you this. ❞
notes: prompt credit. i've never actually fully written anything for cody now that i think about it... i hope i do him nicely!! since it took me literally forever to post this, the other two prompts won't be valentine's base, though i may still use the prompts i chose for them bc. i like them. anyways!! i'm actually actively job hunting right now, which is why i've been so busy lately and haven't had much time to write. but i'll try working on some stuff soon!! for now, i hope you all enjoy this incredibly, very messy and late valentine's day post. thanks for being patient with me guys, it means a lot <3
pairing: x virus x gn!reader
word count: 983.
warnings: established relationship, fluff, cody is awkward as fuck when it comes to romance he's just like me frfr, wrapping paper is his biggest enemy, very mild angst like... a pinch of salt type of angst, cody is a perfectionist but idk if i portrayed that well enough here.
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Cody stared at the clumsily wrapped gift placed in front of him, his arms crossed and his brows furrowed as he glared at the gift as if it had scorned him in some way.
And to him, it basically has.
You see, the gift he's been trying to wrap neatly and nicely is something he got for you, his lovely significant other. This is the first Valentine's Day he's spending with you, and while it doesn't have to be perfect, he would at least like to wrap your gift in a way that isn't... ugly.
It's not even that big of a gift. It's just a little bracelet he made in his spare time, so why the hell is it so hard to wrap in the little box he got for it?
He could just ask someone to help him wrap the gift, but that feels... I mean... it feels like that would be cheating? Strangely enough? Like... he made this for you, so he should be the one to wrap it up as well, no matter how annoying and how difficult it was starting to become.
It feels like it'll mean more if he does this himself.
But he's been here for like almost two hours now trying to wrap the box, and it looks so messy and it's covered in tape and honestly, the wrapping paper's color looks uglier and uglier the longer he looks at it and it just doesn't seem good enough for you. It could be so much better.
You deserve so much better. And if he could kill the wrapping paper, he would, truthfully.
Cody silently glares for a moment longer before letting out a sigh in defeat, resting his forehead against the surface of the desk in his workshop and grumbling quietly to himself.
The wrapping paper wins this round, but he'll do better next time.
With a huff, he sits up straight, giving the poorly wrapped box one final glance before grabbing it and standing up. It was time to actually give you the gift. And hope that you don't dump him for his poor wrapping skills. Do people do that? He's not sure. He hopes not. He'd hate for you to dump him.
Oh god, what if you dump him?
"Cody?"
"Fucking hell-" Cody nearly loses grip on the box in his hand when your voice suddenly pops up behind him, startling him so badly that he jumped a bit. He looked strangely similar to a dog that got caught doing something it wasn't meant to be doing.
And judging from the way he had quickly hidden his hands behind his back, awkwardly looking off to the side to avoid eye contact with you, you can't help but wonder if he had maybe done something.
"How long have you been standing there?" He asks, and your brow quirks up slightly at how strangely nervous he sounded. His behavior sort of reminded you of the day he had asked you out.
"Long enough to be concerned about whether or not I need to hide wrapping paper from you in the future." You respond, smiling a bit to yourself when you see Cody relax a bit at the joke you cracked.
"Ha ha. Funny." He blandly responds, though you don't miss the way his lips twitch upwards slightly. You deem your joke a success, even if he behaved otherwise.
"So, you wanna tell me what it is you're hiding behind your back? Or is it another one of your... projects?" You ask, crossing your arms and patiently waiting for his response.
And that made him tense up again.
He doesn't know why he felt so nervous about giving you a gift, poorly wrapped or not. I mean, you're literally dating each other, so he shouldn't get nervous like this, right? But also like, you're the first person he's ever dated and he honestly didn't think it would last this long even if it has only been a few months since he asked you out but still! Still!
He shouldn't be this nervous, honestly.
"Okay, so, like," He cringes slightly at the way his voice cracks a bit as he speaks, "Uhm, you know how it's Valentine's Day, right? I, uh, maybe it's silly but..." He trails off, seemingly debating whether or not he should actually continue before he's suddenly holding out a box in front of you.
It wasn't actually that poorly wrapped. Truthfully, it's way better than anything you could ever do. The wrapping paper was even your favorite color.
You take the box from him, glancing down at it before looking back up at Cody. He simply motioned for you to open the box, so you peel the wrapping paper off and do just that, taking the lid off the box to see the handmade bracelet neatly placed inside.
"It's not much, but I got you this," He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck, "I mean, if you don't like it, I can make you something else! I know it's not the best thing in the world, but-"
"I love you."
He falls silent at your words, his nervous rambling cut off as he stares at you. You look up from the bracelet to stare at him, and your expression was so serious and genuine that it almost felt as if the air had been forced out of his lungs.
"Cody, I love you." You repeat.
"Oh," He stutters a bit, "I love you too." His words are a bit quieter compared to yours. It felt awkward saying those words out loud knowing you could actually hear him.
But the smile that bloomed on your face made him forget about all of that, and you nod, satisfied with his response, "Good. Now, help me make you one so we can match."
And who is he to say no to you and matching bracelets?
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palidoozy-art · 10 months
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While this is kind of a dark day to mention this, I realize I haven't brought it up in like... 2 years? 3 years? Time flies. I meant to say it earlier during pride month, but lost track of things.
For those who don't know, since I have new followers -- I am a bisexual transgender male. I transitioned at about 27, including a legal name change as well as my gender marker officially changed. One of the reasons I actually left my job in California was because I had just started transitioning, and at that time I did not have the confidence that my current workplace would be able to accept that.
I thankfully got a job at EA, which has been almost nothing but supportive and friendly (only one person I ever met here was a dick to me, and she did so in passive aggressive ways like only order me female shirts in spite of the fact that they would not fit me). I actually came out to them literally at the end of my interview, and the HR employee -- bless her -- didn't even bat an eye.
I am currently married to my husband -- a cisgender man. We've known each other since we were 12. He's an amazing guy who, while he had his reservations at the start, has been great and supportive and very much accepts me. Sadly, he comes from a place that is... not so accepting, which requires me to effectively hide from his family (we can't post publicly on Facebook we're married, and when his family visited once I had to actively hide upstairs). But that's a small part of our life. My dad's side of the family has been incredible to me, and I'm very fortunate to have them in my life.
One of my goals for this year is to leave Texas. The heat is part of it, moving closer to my family is another part of it, but most importantly the political climate is... not great, and I don't feel comfortable waiting for the courts to make a ruling on some of the things they're attempting to push through.
In many respects, I have been extremely fortunate. As last time I posted this -- if there are any questions, my ask box is open (I sadly cannot turn on anonymous asks). I hope your pride month was (otherwise) excellent, and I hope the rest of your year is, too. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️
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corvuscorona · 4 months
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"You Never Forget Your First Love."
The other day, a mutual (hi! you know who you are I think probably hello hi! thank you for the Posting Impetus!) said something that made me curious (for, like, the 80th time, actually; lol. I Have Thoughts) about something: what's the split on people who subscribe to the "Stranger of Paradise probably intended for us to believe that Jack & Sarah were in love" mindset, vs. not? In general, but ESPECIALLY around these parts.
I genuinely didn't read it that way myself (& I do NOT normally give media (general) this much credit, but the writing in this game is sublime; I had no choice but to fully engage Scholar Mode on it), + I think it's interesting that SPECIFICALLY any of my fellow tumblr people / AO3-heads / Gay People Online / etc. seem to have. (I expect nothing from people who haven't been basting themselves in the same online sub-subcultures as me for over a decade. They're allowed to write wrong things on wikis, and have done so already; it's whatever.)
I wanna metapost badly again, so let's go. Join me. No poll. If you have an opinion on this, I'm looking directly into your eyes and beckoning you towards your own keyboard + also the reblog button / comment section, like a weird ghost. What did you think when you first played the game?? What do you think right now? What are you about to think after you have read a bunch of my words. Tell Me. I Need To Know This.
Spoilers for, idk, everything? Today we will use everything we've got to talk about Princess Sarah.
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1. As a Narrative Element
This game makes a point of referring to Sarah as things like "a symbol of hope and peace" as often as possible, & when it isn't doing that she's usually in the role of An Object Or Device Of Some Kind, anyway. She's important because she's capable of holding light and dark in balance & SOMEONE'S gotta hold onto this dark crystal for safekeeping, and also we're gonna need to upset that balance on purpose later. There's that conversation in the Wicked Arbor about whether the Strangers would "choose" her (as opposed to "treasure") as the "reward" for succeeding in their mission[1], & there's the one in the Sunken Shrine where Jed asks Jack what he thinks of her and Jack says that he doesn't care about her as a person[2] BUT that protecting her is mission-critical (lol), too.
Sarah's death is metaphorically charged. It's the point of no return: the dark crystal breaks, the balance of light & dark gets extremely ruined, & Literally All The Darkness In Cornelia converges in one place (Fool's Missive XXVII). That's the payoff for the "symbol of hope and peace" motif, and communicating this idea that "the metaphorical light of hope just For Real Died, Like Catastrophically Imploded, No Take-Backs" feels to me like it was the highest priority here. Second-highest goes to "Jack had way more humanity before, but he set it aside on purpose and is actively in the middle of losing the rest of it." "Sort of." "I'm not getting into what counts as humanity or doesn't because if I did we would be here forever."
Basically, I'm saying that the tidiest read on the situation is "Jack despairs because Sarah dying means in a very literary and final way that everything is ruined forever, which doesn't necessarily have anything to do with, like, Love (romantic)." I don't think the text of the game is particularly signaling that Love (romantic) is involved, and I think that if it meant to, it would be more obvious about it. You could bundle "an romance" into the "humanity" thing if you wanted to, but I'm not inclined to, based on some additional list items that you can read below this one.
[1] The fact that Neon ALSO says she feels bad for her for being thought of in this way only reinforces my conviction that the game is pointing at Sarah & yelling "REMEMBER THAT SHE IS MOSTLY A SYMBOL!", tbh. Who wants to go point out how freaky the mechanics of Being An Royalty are w/ me and the boys??
[2] I will give the Wiki WrongPosters this: I can totally see this as some kind of irony thing, given that he's still missing like a fucktillion of his memories when he says it. However! As mentioned above, I have other reasons not to read it as evidence that he was ever, like, romantically interested in her.
2. As a Sheltered Youth™
We don't have a TON of information to work with RE: Sarah as, like, a person, but here are a couple of hard facts to start with: she's 19 (per the data book, but she'd have to be somewhere in the 18-to-early-20's age range regardless or her whole deal wouldn't really make much sense, imo. She's a baby...!), and she's royalty. I think this ties into her utility as a walking metaphor, among other things; she's archetypically young, fresh, & idealistic. I'd call her naïve but the game obviously isn't interested in portraying it as a weakness, so positive words only; why not.
You could argue that people look to her as a symbol of hope because she hasn't directly experienced enough strife to exhibit hopelessness or fear in response to bad news in the abstract. I find it interesting that before Jack, like, knocks the wind out of her & tells Sophia to take her outside so she can see for herself how bad things have gotten at the end of the game, she says that her duty is to die with her people if she has to, & it doesn't even seem to occur to her that she could lead at least some of them away to safety...? When she changes her mind, she still talks about herself as a symbol before she ever uses the word "leader". She sees HERSELF in terms of symbols and metaphors, and takes action based on her designated role As One Of Those. Not very practical.
There's also the dialogue you can have with the queen the first time you're allowed to run around in the throne room at the beginning of the game, where she asks Jack to smile in front of her daughters (NOT just Mia; daughters, plural). Even if she only means "dude can you be polite please," the fact that this is The thing she has to say to Jack is telling. Is it going to upset your 19-year-old daughter to see that the Guy Whose Job It Is To Kill Monsters looks serious? Why do you think this? Does your 19-year-old daughter understand how serious the situation is, generally speaking? Do you not WANT her to for some reason? Boats don't work anymore unless a weird elf messes with them first. Not thinking very hard about the implications of this is something a sheltered person does.
Residual time loop un-memories aside, a young woman in this situation is so obviously going to have a huge crush on Jack Garland no matter what. He Is So Cool, first of all, & he's also Different from the adult men she gets to see on an everyday basis (family, guards, rando townspeople[3]...). It's not like the political social scene could POSSIBLY be thriving in this world, either; it all seems to be one kingdom we're dealing with and they're kind of busy with the external threat of being Under Fucking Attack By Monsters. Does she even get fun treats like "handsome visiting dignitaries" & what-have-you? The game doesn't present us with any potential options, here. Jack is mysterious, he has special-boy Warrior of Light status, his one job & apparent life's purpose is protecting the kingdom she loves, he's pretty nice to her (even in later cycles he at least goes out of his way to be polite!), & additionally, he's shredded. THIS makes sense to me.
There's a Q&A in the data book that has something to say about JACK as a symbol & what that has to do with this whole thing but we'll get there. We'll get there.
[3] Tangent: what's up with how Cornelia's entire adult male population appears to consist of aging queens. Why did they only make models that look Like That for the NPCs? It's awesome but I have 1 quastion
3. JACK JUMPSCARE !
I'm not about to say that he's just humoring her, or anything, but please humor ME for one second & put yourself in Jack's shoes. Not the default shoes; we can have more fun than that. Maybe the Banded Boots. Blurple ones? Shaped like a cartoon would wear them? Big spikes on the back for no reason? I love those things. Anyway, you're Jack. You're working for literally the king, & the work means Everything to you for reasons you can't even necessarily explain except to say that it JUST does. The king's eldest daughter (very young adult; Never Been Outdoors; a little overly-sociable but nice enough & what do you expect from a princess, anyway) has imprinted on you like a duckling for whatever reason. You would be nice to this person, yes? You'd be patient with her while you're in town. You have Brutal Murders to be doing, but not until, like, 2 days from now, or whatever; you're sharing space with her in some capacity in the meantime & it's in your best interests to keep her happy. (You probably even enjoy doing this, if you're Jack of a Way Earlier Cycle; I'm in no way ruling that out. Sharing your music collection with an enthusiastic Baby Adult? That's fun. I think he was probably having fun. Okay, you can step out of the fun purple shoes if you want; the Humoring Me Minute has concluded; thanks.)
Also, @2000sanimeop and I think that if Jack felt that way about her Astos would have been a little More Something about how much it was gonna suck for him when she died. In Fool's Missive XXVII he uses the word "painful," but that's about it. He doesn't even bring it up in XXV, which is the one where he says he's curious about whether she'd survive being turned into a fiend (side note: Astos fucking rocks. Why did he write that down?? I love him). & Hey SPEAKING OF ASTOS,
4. I wouldn't put Jackstos on a wiki, either.
The writing in Stranger of Paradise, SERIOUSLY, WITHOUT EXAGGERATION, is some of the best I've seen in literally anything ever. It suits not just its medium but also its sort of Place in History Relative to Other Video Games & the things it chose to DO with that medium & that niche INSANELY well. It is CUSTOMIZED. It's SO INTENTIONAL. I can't get too far into this or we'll be here all day, but the essence of what I want to say here is: there are relatively few facts presented to us by this game, compared to the implications we can go about drawing from those facts & other, external sources of context.
Sarah calls Jack her first love; that's a fact. No facts are presented to us that REALLY say much one way or the other[4] about what Jack thinks of this, himself; "fucktillion memories missing" Jack says he doesn't care, but he's missing a fucktillion of his memories, and DLC2 Jack has a set of dialogue options (hi Anne the Malboro I love you Anne the Malboro) that can point either way depending on what the player chooses, which is kind of nothing, on balance. As the audience, we can (should!) draw whatever conclusion we want about it, but none of those conclusions are text.
[4] I WILL GET TO THE DATA BOOK IN ONE SECOND. HOLD ON.
And, okay, please let me level with you. Let's be on the same page. Jack & Astos had some kind of thing going on, imo, OBVIOUSLY, but I want to be CLEAR and I want to get CREDIT for the things I'M bringing to the table to help generate this conviction. I drew that conclusion & I read that reading based on subtext, context, personal history, personal preference, & sheer gay zest for life. It is also, emphatically, NOT TEXT.
Astos refers to Jack with the ol' "...friend" in Fool's Missive XXI. He calls him "my Jack" in Fool's Missive XXXI. Canonically, textually, he has some big fucking COMPLICATED fucking feelings about this man. These are facts. If you're playing this game as Some Guy, I can see how you could potentially absorb these facts & still pay them much less regard[5] than I did & continue to. My argument here is that god I wish I lived in a world where Some Guy could extend the same courtesy to me and not treat Sarah's textual affection for Jack as something that necessarily indicates Some Kind Of Reciprocal Romantic Whatever, Definitely, Obviously, Of Course.
[5] Longer Tangent: I have been informed that the Some Guys of the world are currently pretty good at Recognizing a character that behaves in a way that's Pretty Gay, but tend to stop there, possibly for the combined reasons that A. they're not very familiar with a lot of the the ways gay relationships often work (you know, soul resonance. mutual recognition. sharing a brain etc.) and B. the Object Of Affection is usually the player character and they subconsciously shy away from thinking of a Guy They're Supposed To Identify With as gay. This is practically a lead-in to an entire separate post I could make, so I'll leave it at that, lol.
The writing is too good for that kind of assumption! I'M SERIOUS!! It's mind-blowingly subtle & endlessly fascinating to hold up to the light & view from every possible angle, and "Jack & Sarah were in love" + "Jack & Astos were in love" are BOTH ANGLES. I'm personally very very interested in giving the text credit for that. I think it's impressive. I think it's really, really cool, and I think it was on purpose. Speaking of which,
5. Word of God agrees with me, btw
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This is from the Q&A section on page 156 of the Confidential File. The translations below are my own (I think they're straightforward enough, but lmk if you know more than me & I'm actually being stupid in there somewhere. Alt text has the JPN, if you want to copypaste it or something). Someone asked:
Why is it that you established Garland as someone Sarah has a romantic interest in?
The answer is from Daisuke Inoue (director, one of 3; the other 2 are from Team Ninja; he's from Square Enix):
That was because, from a narrative standpoint, we wanted Sarah to be the kind of person who holds onto hope. You can imagine that she saw the "hope" to save the world in Jack, a potential Warrior of Light. Sarah is seen by her people as a symbol of a bright future, but if there were nobody to give her hope, that might destabilize her emotionally. As for whether she felt genuine love for Jack, or just mistook her feelings of admiration towards him for "first love," we'll leave that to your interpretation.
The first time I read this, I thought the question was implying the aforementioned Reciprocal Something, but on closer inspection that doesn't even seem to be true! "思い人" seems to indicate a directional relationship; as in, the question assumes that Jack is an object of affection to Sarah, but assumes nothing about what Jack thinks.
Also, the answer uses the word "初恋" (hatsukoi), which is a very established Concept as far as "first love" goes, but in that one cutscene, Sarah says "初めての恋" (hajimete no koi), which is. Different, but I couldn't tell you how, lol. It's Not The Exact Same Phrase, but I'm not sure whether it's meaningfully different in this context. If I had to guess, I'd say that IF ANYTHING it could be a way of saying "first love" without invoking the cultural CONSTRUCT of First Love (as much)? But it's whatever. The localization holds up. All sources show that Sarah had Feelings about Jack, and all sources CONSPICUOUSLY neglect to mention Jack's feelings about her.
It was on purpose. This is my license to be as annoying as I want for one second here. I am right. All the other writing in this game is notably subtle, efficient, intentional, and skilled, AND ALSO, WHEN do you ever see anyone write such a richly beautiful, mostly-subtextual relationship between two men, which can easily be read as a romantic thing, and NOT explicitly canonize a very possible romantic relationship between at least one of those men and a woman, like not even in an interview or anything. What the fuck, man.
I'm putting away the Respectable Scholar Hat now. This is so funny. The person asking this question didn't EVEN go as far as assuming Jack & Sarah had any kind of Actual Romance going on, & the answer STILL dials it back to "she might have been conflating her feelings about Jack AS A SYMBOL with actual affection, also. We'll let you decide : ) ". This game is everything ever.
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thefirstknife · 2 months
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The Vex and the Wish
It's been a while since the finale of the Starcrossed mission and I've not stopped thinking about it. I want to talk about some of the stuff that's been on my mind, mostly about all the little hints about what we might be delving into after The Final Shape.
So, the whole premise of Starcrossed is really interesting and has been since we first heard about it. Some sort of a mission in the Black Garden? During an Ahamkara season? It immediately meant that we'll be dealing with some Ahamkara shenanigans in the Black Garden, two things that have previously not been combined. And the Ahamkara element was really good and nice and heartbreaking!
But the bigger thing that got me thinking and overthinking was all the Vex elements this season. They're kinda flying under the radar because we have bigger issues to deal with, but everything we got about them this season has been super weird and concerning. Especially the Black Garden stuff!
The Sol Divisive have been very active doing... things we don't truly understand. They've made their attempts to somehow interact with Ahamkara magic and they've been messing with Darkness as well. I'll do my best to recap all the stuff we've gotten about the Vex this season and how it relates to Starcrossed. Long post under!
The first thing that got us all thinking was of course the premise for the season in the first place; we knew that we would be dealing with Ahamkara, the Dreaming City and the Awoken, but we did not know about the Vex. That was peculiar in general because they simply haven't been mixed together with Ahamkara before. This was also really intriguing because of the reason we needed an Ahamkara in the first place: to get through the portal in the Traveler and follow the Witness. So why are the Vex (Sol Divisive) interfering?
As soon as the season started and we could look at the items, the first very interesting lore tab was Scatter Signal. In it, we have Osiris tracking some sort of a signal, locking onto it and getting a transmission in the form of hexadecimal code. When decoded, it revealed a strange message from a still unknown source, discussing the Vex:
“A churning singularity of shadow and mimicry beats again within cultivated chaos. Minds orbit its gravity, to bridge communion with a Voice, to move from parallel to entanglement. They dream of a dark core, contained within a timeless structure. A suspended return to the primordial. If not for this truth, why kneel? If not for this truth, why does it elude definition? Though not all agree on all, all agree on this. Sol is Salvation.”
We still don't really know what this message means or who sent it, but I've speculated before that it could have something to do with the Ishtar scientists, most likely Chioma or maybe even Maya and the others. I wrote about this speculation before Starcrossed was out, so now that we know how Starcrossed ended, I believe more strongly that the Ishtar team (at least their simulated copies) is somehow still out there and capable of communicating and that they're the ones who sent this message.
As for the message, now that the season is over, I believe it talks about the Black Heart (churning singularity of shadow and mimicry beats again within cultivated chaos) and the Sol Divisive's obsession with it and their belief that it could grant them some sort of knowledge or ability (possibly paracausality) or a way to return the universe to the way it was before paracausality existed (return to the primordial): this is possibly also talking about the speculative time when the Traveler and the Veil were one, a time that the Vex perhaps remember. It also warns us that while the Sol Divisive are unique in their worship of the Darkness, the Vex as a whole agree on the simple truth that whatever they want to finally achieve will be achieved in Sol, our system, because this is where they have all the necessary ingredients to do so. Whether this is understanding paracausality, resetting the universe or Convergence, we don't know.
When I wrote that speculation initially, since Starcrossed wasn't out yet, a lot of my questions were about what possible connection could there be between the Black Garden and the Ahamkara. That was the only thing we knew before the mission dropped after all. Now in retrospect, we can at least put some of the theories to rest; originally there was speculation that Riven or the Vex or both are doing something that would end up tricking us somehow. This has since been disproven; the Ahamkara in the Black Garden was Taranis who made his lair there to stay hidden and to hide his and Riven's children.
However, a very important question remains. Did the Vex know about this and did they use Taranis' residence in the Black Garden to study paracausality and Ahamkara magic? I believe they must've known about him and that they must've dedicated at least some observational resources to monitor him and his shenanigans in their space. This obviously isn't good. The Vex have been trying to understand paracausality for a very long time and we've been practically giving this information to them for almost equally as long. Taranis living within reach of the Sol Divisive probably offered them some insight into it as well and possibly also insight into Ahamkara abilities.
Sol Divisive has spent a considerable amount of time and resources trying to understand the Darkness, the Witness and the Veil. This season we've gotten confirmation that they're actively merging with Darkness and even trying to somehow fuse with the Witness. We've seen them being able to simulate techeuns, we've seen oracles appearing outside of the Vault of Glass and shaping themselves with Darkness energy, as well as tapping into Darkness in general, into memory, to enhance their predictive abilities. They spent this whole season messing with Ahamkara eggs and Riven's Lair and the Coil as Vex artifacting became more and more prominent as the weeks went on. Osiris has also noted, on several occasions, just how similar wishing magic and Vex simulations are. The second one is particularly interesting:
What is a simulation if not a machine's wish? A projection of what might be, were certain parameters to be altered.
One big problem is that while a lot of this is linked purely to the Sol Divisive and their obsession with the Darkness and the Witness, a lot of it is not. First, one very interesting thing that happened this year is that after nearly 10 years, we finally got an explanation about the Black Heart; it was the Sol Divisive's failed attempt to recreate the Veil, very likely an idea given to them directly by the Witness, to create a makeshift Veil after the original had been lost in the Collapse. A lot of the stuff in the background of this year has been about the Vex, simulations, augmented reality and the Vex attempts at understanding the Veil and paracausality at large; discussed at length in Veil Logs, most notably this one where Chioma speculates about how the Vex could potentially gain access to paracausal simulations if they gained access to the Veil.
This thing, the Veil. It’s… it’s some kind of web of consciousness. Just like the Vex network, but organic instead of artificial. It makes sense why the Vex want it. Paracausal simulations? There’d be no stopping them.
As I said, a lot of this is about the Sol Divisive, but a lot of it is not. The Vex we see on Neomuna are not Sol Divisive, for example. Scatter Signal also implies that despite the Vex at large being in disagreement with the Sol Divisive, all Vex do seem to share some basic ideas which the speaker in Scatter Signal summarises as: "Sol is Salvation." Apparently, all Vex agree on this.
To make things even stranger, here comes Starcrossed. As soon as we first saw it, it was strange because it showed us a big Vex structure in the Black Garden!
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This is the centerpiece of the whole mission and as we proceed through it, we get closer and closer to it. This is called a Citadel and it has appeared in the game before; notably, in Destiny 1, but you can now see it in Destiny 2 as well, in the first encounter of Vault of Glass. This structure is distinctly not Sol Divisive and it never has been.
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The origin and purpose of the Citadel are not entirely understood, outside of ties to the Vault of Glass. It's been on Venus since the Golden Age where it was investigated by the simulated copies of the Ishtar team:
No human being in the Ishtar Academy has ever crossed the safety cordon and walked the ancient stone under the Citadel, the Vex construct that stabs up out of the world to injure space and time.
And:
"I wonder where it came from," Duane-Mcniadh says. Of course he's the one to break the reverent silence. "The Citadel. I wonder if it was here before the Traveler changed Venus." "It could have been latent," Chioma Esi suggests. She's the leader. She kept them together when it seemed like they faced actual, eternal torture. She pulled them through. "Seeded in the crust. Waiting for a period of geological quiescence, so it could grow." Dr. Shim shrugs. "I think the Traveler did something paracausal to Venus. Something that cut across space and time. The Citadel seems to come from the past of a different Venus than our own. It doesn't have to make any sense by our logic, any more than the Moon's new gravity." Maya Sundaresh walks at the center of the group. She's been too quiet lately. What happened to them wasn't her fault and maybe she'll believe that soon. "What could you do with it?" she murmurs, staring up. "If you understood it?" Chioma puts an arm around her. "That's what we're going to find out. Where the Citadel can send us. Whether we can come back."
This is interesting to us now because a very similar construct appeared out of nowhere in the Black Garden and when we reached the end of the Starcrossed mission, we gained access to the inside of the structure. And inside, we found a single room decorated with the symbol of the Ishtar Collective made out of Vex materials.
As I've noted before in the post where I speculated about the names of the seasonal missions and the meaning of Scatter Signal and what this mission in the Black Garden could be, this whole situation brought me back to thinking about the lore book from Season of the Undying: Aspect. In it, we follow Praedyth who is eternally stuck in the Vault of Glass (incidentally, this happened to him because he wished to an Ahamkara) and who discovers the simulated Ishtar scientists and establishes communication with them.
He realises that something has changed and that he's no longer in a loop, but able to change things by talking to the Ishtar team. He and the Ishtar team develop a strategy in which the simulations are able to theorycraft and instruct Praedyth (who is physical and in a physical space) to create a way for all of them to escape their associated prisons. The team figures out together that a way out could be achieved through the Black Garden and that they would need a specific event to jumpstart their escape; this event would be the Undying Mind and its awakening which opened the gate to the Garden again, this time on the Moon. They start with Praedyth sending messages through in hope that someone, somewhen, will hear them. Soon, as the disturbances in the Black Garden get more prominent, they get the chance to not just send messages of code out, but to actually try to escape physically.
The lore book never tells us if they succeeded.
A hundred and sixty Mayas reach for the Chiomas by their side. A hundred and fifty-eight Chiomas reach back. One Praedyth, waiting for the conductor's baton to drop. Uncountable Vex in the Garden, waiting for the same event, a synchrony none of them notice. Somewhere, a veil is always lifting. Somewhere, Kabr is always dooming himself. Somewhere, a door is always opening. Somewhere, they are always stepping through.
The name of the final chapter is "irrealis;" a grammatical mood for situations or actions that are not known to have happened at the moment of speaking. All Aspect chapters are named in this way, one of the reasons I started thinking about this lore book in the first place, the moment I noticed the names of missions this season (this theme is also extended to the weapons reprised from Undying: Imperative, Adhortative, Subjunctive and Optative). As an addition, the final mission's name is also very interesting and it is possible that maybe there will be another (one more radio message and triumph haven't been unlocked yet).
The point is that we don't know if the Ishtar Collective simulations and Praedyth managed to escape because at the time of speaking (when this lore book was released) this was an irrealis mood; unknown if the action has occured. But their plan, to use the situation with the Undying Mind in the Black Garden and the Black Garden itself to escape (the Vault of Glass and a simulation) seems to be connected to the massive Vex Citadel usually connected to the Vault of Glass that suddenly appeared in the Black Garden and has tangible proof of the Ishtar Collective inside.
As in, I believe they did manage to escape, in what for us is right now (or at least in a way that we could detect right now; time shenanigans with the Vex could mean anything honestly). I think that the appearance of the Citadel in the Black Garden correlates with their escape and that the Scatter Signal message is also something that came from the Ishtar team trying to give us information about the Vex. I also believe that this is a massive setup for the future content about the Vex and most likely the return of Venus in some form.
This whole year spent quite a lot of time reacquainting us with the Ishtar Collective: from Neomuna and their adventures in founding this secret city and their investigations into the Veil. Chioma Esi, a character that has existed in Destiny since the first game's release was finally given a voice and she and Maya Sundaresh were developed further and given some extra details to their backstory, most notably all the stuff we were told about Maya specifically and how much the Veil drove her mad. Not only that, but we were also given additional information about the Black Garden and the Black Heart, another point from the original game's first story that was brought back almost a decade later. Like a loop to the beginning.
The fact that it all ended with more stuff about the Black Garden and the Ishtar Collective is not a coincidence, I think. Most importantly, it's not the story that will be resolved this season and very likely won't be something we will be dealing with in the Final Shape. So this is setup for something after; about the Vex and their search for paracausality (and possible success?), about their connection to Venus and about the Ishtar Collective, perhaps even more about the Black Garden and maybe even Praedyth and the Vault of Glass.
As a quick summary:
The appearance of the Vex Citadel in the Black Garden - the original Citadel is linked to the Vault of Glass and is located on Venus. Somewhat related to this, this season Oracles appeared outside of Vault of Glass and were shaping themselves into Pyramid energy.
The Citadel architecture is not Sol Divisive Vex. This is important because otherwise we would be able to just chalk up the appearance of this structure to the Sol Divisive shaping the Black Garden, but the Citadel is not their work.
Ishtar Collective symbol inside; not only linking to Aspect, but also to Venus itself (we got a lot of Ishtar content this year in general, starting even before Lightfall, with Spire of the Watcher dungeon in Season of the Seraph, just before Lightfall, as an intro to the story of Ishtar and founding of Neomuna)
Several mentions of Venus, indirectly (the Citadel, Ishtar Collective) or directly (mentioned in one voice line linked to the history of the Ahamkara in the system, and also in the mysterious mention of an incredibly niche character of Albios, also in context of the Ahamkara history in the system)
All of this points to some Vex heavy content coming post-TFS with a strong connection to Venus and the story of the Ishtar Collective (perhaps their simulations) and some possibility of Praedyth and more about the Vault of Glass. Pretty much everything discussed here and everything the Vex have been doing for years is likely not getting resolved in TFS as the primary problem for us in TFS will be the Witness.
But once the Witness is gone? I'm pretty sure we will be finally moving on to the Vex and possibly their grasp of paracausality. We might be forced to go back to Venus and dig up more information about them, perhaps even reach out to the Ishtar simulations, if they've escaped (which I believe they did, given what we've seen at the end of Starcrossed).
Obviously this will likely be happening in Episodes, probably the first one, given what we've seen about it so far; it is called Echoes and has something vaguely Vex-shaped as a placeholder image. Not only that, but it's covered with plants that have reminded me of Venus ever since it was first shown. Note that none of this is still final and this placeholder image was shown to us before all the troubles with layoffs and delays. But it seems like the general idea will have to remain the same because of all the hints and setup about Vex content we've gotten so far, especially with these open questions at the end of Starcrossed mission.
We don't know yet how big Episodes will be which obviously makes it impossible to make any kind of prediction on what the stories in them might be able to cover and how extensive the content will be. Especially how likely it is to get a whole location like Venus back, not to mention that there are still questions about other Vex-focused locations; for example, are there plans to expand on Nessus and are there plans to also deal with Mercury?
Obviously I would love to deal with Mercury first and foremost (we know Bel), but I think most of everything we've seen through this story and through the hints and setup points to Venus and the return to some of the original unanswered questions in the lore. I'm really excited for the possibility that we'll get more information about the Ishtar team and about what truly happened to their simulations. I'm also excited for the possibility that there might be more information about the Vault of Glass and the Black Garden and the Black Heart (for which I think that the Vex have been trying to rebuild or fix in some way). It would be a neat way to create a circle back to the start of the story, especially since it's dealing with the Vex and time travel shenanigans. I'd really love if the story of the Vex forced us to metaphorically go back to the start of the story and look at everything we've seen so far with a new perspective.
I've gone to a lot of different points in this post, but I hope it makes sense. There have been some really interesting background infodumps and discussions in the lore and character interactions about the Vex and their impact on the world, overshadowed by the fact that we have much bigger imminent problems to deal with. This incidentally also gave Vex enough time and space to do their thing unsupervised. They've had enough time to observe us and other paracausal entities (such as the Ahamkara and the Witness and the Traveler), we've given them plenty of information about Guardians (the fact that we deposit our "paracausal sparks" into Vex receptacles in the Black Garden during Starcrossed is quite concerning) and they've evolved enough to begin shaping themselves with Darkness resonance, and they've never had more information about simulations and prediction.
The Vex have taken their time to catch up with us and they've been especially prolific during Season of the Wish while our attention is directed elsewhere, even with them being directly involved. I'm super excited for whatever they have planned for Vex stuff after TFS and they've given us plenty of content to speculate about it until it releases!
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milkinthemicrowave · 2 months
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Hey, Doctor Doctor meaning
I made a song called Hey, Doctor Doctor, and it's blown up recently. Thing is, hundreds of people have left me comments confused about what the song means, so I decided to finally put the basic meaning in a text post. Here's a really good animation of the song!! So u can listen :)
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Lyrics:
Hey, Doctor Doctor! Could you tell me what's wrong? I know you're very busy so I won't make this too long I got a question 'bout the rain The fog that just won't go away And something quite absurd That I just learned the other day
I asked my friend a simple question 'bout the rain But then they all went quiet and looked at me in a funny way They asked me what I meant So I described the time I spent Avoiding all the puddles Though I still got wet
They said that morning had been a sunny day I asked the folks around us and they all said the same I sat confused, in my wet socks and shoes I shrugged and said "That's right! The sky wasn't gray, it was blue!"
But doctor doctor It's been so very long Since I've last seen the sun It seems they must just all be wrong Unless it's me who's been confused Then why've my blue skies been refused? And hidden from me by my rainy days?
So... what does it mean????????????????????????
Hey, Doctor Doctor is a simple metaphor about depression. People have also interpreted it as being about the neurodivergent experience and a bunch of other things, and those fit too. But I intended it to be about depression. It's about finding out the things you're struggling with aren't just something everyone deals with. The protagonist (I'll call 'em Pot) has to actively dodge puddles to get anywhere and lives in soggy clothes. When Pot goes "man, that rain's insane right?" to their friend, the friend has no clue what they're talking about. To everyone else, it's sunny outside. They don't have to think twice about where they step. At this point, Pot looks insane to everyone else, like they're hallucinating rain. So, even though their clothes are still dripping wet, they go "yeah haha my bad. you're right, it's sunny outside". In the end, Pot goes to see Doctor Doctor about it. You know in cartoons or that one Ronald McDonald ad where the sad person has the little rain cloud over them? That's the idea. It was raining outside one day and I thought "lmao what if only I could see this, that would be insane". Then I wrote a song about it. I totally see the neurodivergent spin on it, because the part where everyone looks at Pot weird definitely accidentally came from my experiences with diagnosed autism. Sometimes my relatable comedy landed: me: "you ever wake up and your brain feels like sludge?" friend: "yeah bro, all the time"
But sometimes my relatable comedy didn't land: me: "you ever walk across the street without looking when you're having a bad day, like gambling?" friend: "...no???" me: "you don't???" friend: "no?? are you okay??" me: friend: me: "I mean I haven't done that in a long time-" (literally did it last week) Ah, the joys of being neurodivergent. Never knowing what's appropriate to say. "Horrified looks from everyone in the room". If this explanation seems too detailed, I really thought this song was a simple metaphor, so I'm REALLY trying to be clear. Most people get it, but there's still hundreds that have been taking it literally. If you read this far, I'm shocked. Nobody ever uses comments on tumblr, but I'd love it if you commented "umbrella" and let me know you read down here. Thank u immensely for reading this far. So, even though I have literally never talked about it on Tumblr before, and don't expect anyone to see this, that's what my song "Hey, Doctor Doctor" means.
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