#i mean life cant be as bad as my depression tells me it is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alchemiclee · 1 month

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as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)

#i dont know how to ask for attention without asking for attention because attention seeking is bad and annoying #the more needy and annoying you come off the more people will ignore you. saying i need someone to talk to or hang out with gets me ignored #but being vague gets me also ignored???? like just trying to start a convo by throwing things out randomly doesnt work either #so if i cant be direct or indirect or invite people or ask to be invited or anything else ive tried ehst do i do?#how do i satisfy this stupid social need im cursed with? it takes me a month or 3 to recover from socializing so its not like i always ask #but its still too much. and “you need to find the right people” isnt helpful. because how!!! ive been looking for that for 30 years lmao #i just need someone to invite me and always invite me every time and always reach out first every time (well not every time. just dont make #me be the one every time because thats how it usually seems to go)#but no one wants to do the work and tell me when its ok to bother them. if i bother someone too many times in a row and get no response #then i will stop and wait. and wait. and wait. and give up eventually. or after certain amount of rejections i give up.#so that i dont come off as needy and attention seeking and obnoxious. if people want me they can come to me. and when no one does #that just feels bad. i hate that it feels bad. i wish to make that stop. i wish to turn off feelings.#i cannot figure out the line between bothering someone too much or just enough. how much am i required to push people #and how much is too much where i snap the line while trying to reel them in? because ive snapped more times than ive caught #or the bait just gets completely ignored and i get bored of waiting #oops im slipping into metaphor territory now. that means its time to stop saying words.#hopefully no one reads my annoying tags. i just needed a free space to ramble and vent amd tags are lile little whispers to do that in #but also it is autism acceptance month. people should be adopting a local autistic(me) person to show them what having friends is like #lee rants #im being super particular about how i need to socialize right now as well. dont want trauma bonding/life talks/depression sharing type stuff #only want special interest light hearted goofy fun talks. but those are so hard to do. its easy for people to default into doom conversation #but its hard to keep them on my topic of interest and to stay positive 😭

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zeldasnotes · 7 months

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SQUARE OBSERVATIONS 🪽

Read before you proceed: These are my personal observations and not facts. The whole chart has to be taken into consideration.

Mars Square Jupiter can make someone super ambitious but it can also make someone lazy bc they want what they want NOW. And if they cant have it instantly they might be like ”f*ck it then I dont want it” and therefore dont work for it. But on the other hand these people are experts on how to find a quick way to get stuff, waiting is not for them.

Mars Square Neptune can give someone a beautiful body language. The way they walk, dance and move in general can be mesmerizing. Like a balet dancer.

If you date a Venus Square Moon/Lilith man you will know the meaning of the quote “Half of me is beautiful, but you were never sure which half.” — Ruth Feldman, “Lilith”. He got different types of archetypes in his head fighting and you will only fit one of them.

People with Sun Square Mars are some of the most ambitious people you can find when they stop putting focus on worthless competitions with other people and instead put that energy into their goals.

Sun Square Moon is having an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Whatever choice you make the other half of you disagrees with.

Venus Square Pluto attract powerful people very easily. If you check the charts of the wives of the most powerful men in the world you will see this aspect pop up in a lot of the charts. Trophy wife aspect.

Venus Square Ascendant can make Venus very turned off by Ascendant behaviour. As a Cap Rising most Venus in Aries men were very turned off by my boring, stoic and calm behaviour.

Sun Square Mars in synastry very often leads to conflict from what Ive seen.

Ive noticed that people who have Moon or Venus Square Pluto had a mother who had a hard time bonding with them when they were babies or the mother suffer from post partum depression . Bc of this some people with these aspects experience an obsession with women since they have an inner inexplainable hunger for a motherfigure.

A situation Ive seen in the charts of some guys with Lilith Square Venus was that they hang around socially acceptable people(Venus ppl) but tend to fall for women who are considered not socially acceptable(bad rep etc, typical Lilith women) so their love life clash with their friendships and social life unless his friends learn to accept their partner.

Moon Square Pluto people have very strong reactions to others. Sometimes its their intuition but sometimes its just pure projection. Can be very quick to judge.

Getting into a relationship with someone with Sun Square Ascendant can be a real shocker bc you saw one thing and you got something else. That carefree, swaggy straighforward Aries Rising with Cancer Sun guy you met at the bar turned out to be much more passive aggressive, grudgeholding and sensitive than he seemed at first sight.

Mars Square Uranus = 0 to 100 real quick. They can get stuff done fast tho! Geniuses when it comes to fighting too.

Juno Square Venus people have a tendency to meet a partner who fits their Venus and then try to change them to become more like their Juno. For example someone with Venus in Aquarius Square Juno in Taurus meets and Aquarius Rising woman and falls for her because she is so unique, free spirited and how she goes against traditions. But when he gets her he tries to make her more traditional and might shame her uniqueness.

People who are into men and have Juno Square Mars like one kind of man in bed and another kind of man for relationships. They have two types which can be very hurtful for the guy they are into. (Im not saying they will cheat im just saying they are never satisfied)

If you want an honest answer ask someone with Mercury Square Mars. They will tell you.

People with Neptune Square either Venus or Ascendant are the most likely to have absolutely no idea how they look like.

Ceres Square Pluto can indicate someone who becomes obsessively attached to anyone who makes them feel the slightest feeling of nurture. They might baby others or want others to baby them.

Venus Square Jupiter people are so loving and generous. They really love giving.

Venus Square Saturn NEEDS to be respected and to be ”somebody”. Respect is so important to them.

Venus Square Uranus make the craziest outfits work. They have you like ”What the helll is she wearing?? But it looks kinds good…?”

Venus Square Neptune = The cool girl monologue ”Nick and Amy will be gone. But then we never really existed. Nick loved a girl I was pretending to be. Cool girl. Men always use that, don’t they? As their defining compliment. She’s a Cool girl. Cool girl is hot. Cool girl is game. Cool girl is fun. Cool girl never gets angry at her man. She only smiles in a chagrin loving manner and then presents her mouth for f*cking. She like what he likes.”

#astro notes #astrology #astro observations #astronotes #lilith #ascendant #moon square pluto #mars square jupiter #venus square neptune

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sukiipjs · 2 months

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✮ BLONDIE : PT 1

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

↳ nick sturniolo x masc reader

↳ words - 2239

↳ summary - you’ve been having a hard time realizing and accepting the fact that you’re gay, and in love with your best friend. you try to ignore the feelings but that only makes everything worse until you can’t hide it anymore.

↳ contains - swearing, angst, use of y/n, internalized homophobia, depression, crying, idk??? [READ PT 2 - PT 3]

↳ song - blondie by current joys

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

nick has been my best friend for years, he’s always been there for me, and me there for him. we met in the first grade when he saw me alone at recess on the swings and he ran up to me, asking if i wanted to play with him and his brothers. one of the many things i love about him, hes always there, always there to help, or just be with. from that day on he’s always been my number one but honestly, i’ve been kind of avoiding him lately.

of course i don’t want to, i really really don’t want to, trust me, but i don’t want to make anything bad between us either. even though pushing him away is probably fucking things up anyway.

the thing is, for months, maybe even years now i think that i might be coming to a realization: i think i’m gay, or not gay but bi? i hate labels, i dont want to be put into a box, its honestly just hard to fit into one too. i mean i’ve had girlfriends before and i’ve liked that, but nick…

okay i might be coming to another realization: i think i’m in love with nick. and to make everything worse, i can’t even talk to anyone about this because the only person i would tell is nick, but if i told him, well i just cant, it could destroy our friendship. he’d hate me, i cant lose him.

but maybe i’m not in love with him, i mean i love nick, i always have but maybe its not love love? maybe its just me appreciating our friendship more. okay who am i kidding it’s definitely becoming more, I LOVE HIM. he’s just perfect, in general, to me, to everyone. i want to spend every moment of my life with him, i want to hug him and never let him go, i want to be with him, i just want to see him again.

i can’t even imagine what he’d say if he knew i liked him. he’d probably be disgusted, i’d ruin our friendship forever. i cant do that, i can’t risk anything like that, i need him even if that means the best thing i can do is just stay away, make up lies of why i cant hang out, slowly stop texting him, i mean maybe it's not the best thing but its either i do this and try and force these feelings down or i tell him and ruin everything. this is better, or at least that’s what i keep telling myself.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

nick 🫶

| wanna hang out today? haven’t seen you in forever, i’m boredddd

| i know i’m sorry, but i cant today, really really sorry. still not feeling good

| that’s okay, hope you feel better though 💕 if you need anything tell me okay?

| i’d rather hang out with you and get sick then spend one more second with my idiot brothers over here 💀

i stare at the message on my screen, i’m not sick, i’m just trying to be a good friend… by avoiding my best friend… sure, whatever.

i slam down my phone on my mattress, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow. muffled screams from my mouth as tears, start to pour from my eyes. every time i message him, saying i cant hang out i immediately regret it. i want to see him, i always do but again, i cant, i fucking cant. it would only make my feelings stronger and i just need to get rid of them as soon as i can so things can just go back to how they were.

fuck, here comes the spiral that ive been replaying in my head forever. do i even really like him? am i really bi, gay, straight, whatever the fuck? i don’t even know, it’s all too confusing and stressful right now. why can’t i just be me? and have my best friend with me again? actually hang out with him, see him?

all i can really do right now is continue screaming and crying into my pillow about how much of a shitty friend i’m being, great. I constantly stalk his instagram, trying to see if i do really like him and try to see what he’s up to without me, i miss him so much.

…i wish he was a girl then i would be straight and all this shit wouldn’t hurt so much. i’m not trying to say that being gay is bad, all i’m saying is that it would be easier to figure all this out if i was straight and he was a girl. i know that’s so messed up to say but i don’t know how else to put it.

if he was a girl, i’d know that i’m in love with him, i wouldn’t be so afraid to accept myself because there wouldn’t be anything to accept. i’d just be me and he’d she’d be him her, i’d get to be his her boyfriend and we’d be a happy couple. i’d be happy and i wouldn’t have to push the person i love most in this stupid world away…

i smash my face into my silky white pillowcase over and over, shaking my head as i force the sides of the pillow into my face more. i want to suffocate.

i scream into my pillow more and more. ‘i love you nick, i love you nick, i love you. i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you… but i do, i really really do, but i cant… i really really fucking cant.’

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

i stay rotting in my bed, spiraling about random shit, taking random quizzes of ‘am i gay?’ or ‘am i in love with my bestfriend?’ or ‘is it a crush?’ like i know.

soft blankets cover me, my silky pillows supporting my back as i rewatch rupaul's drag race on my computer until i finish it again, oreos and empty dr pepper cans surround me. and of course, nick always in my mind, everything reminding me of him, those stupid quizzes, his favorite show, his favorite drink. i wish he could be here, like how we used to hang out before i started ruining everything but i could be ruining it more, at least im keeping my mouth shut.

every once and a while, a message from nick pops up. him sending me a tiktok or telling me about how spacecamp is going or just something random, asking how im doing, if im still sick. most times i try to ignore him, turning off the notifications but i answer sometimes, only one or two words, maybe just an emoji, just trying to say something. i don’t want him to think i hate him or anything, i still of course love him.

the only time i ever get up from my bed is to go the the bathroom or get more food, ive been wearing the same two sweatpants alternating them and random shirts that i throw on the floor after i wear them for enough. my hair shaggy and a scratchy stubble on my face. i look and feel gross. i didnt think that forcing my best friend away and trying to figure out my sexuality could make me this depressed, who knew.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

weeks pass of me ignoring (or at least trying to ignore) nick and weeks of screaming into my sheets and sleeping all day become more and more. i finally decide to leave my apartment and stock up on some random things that will help me rot in my room even more: coffee, chips, oreos, whatever else i might want.

as i scan the aisle for dr pepper, standing in my gray hoodie with the hood covering me and one of the two sweatpants i’ve been wearing on, i hear a voice at the end of the row calling to me, “y/n?” my head turns to see who knows me that’s here, about to see how disgusting i look and just my luck, it’s nick.

“nick” a bright smile floods my face, i haven’t seen him for what seems like forever, i look at his blonde hair with grown out brunette roots, plus that signature nose ring and star earrings, of course he looks great.

he runs up to me, giving me a warm hug as he smiles too, “oh my god i haven’t seen you in decadessss” he exaggerates, laughing at me, “you feeling better now?” i tilt my head a little, confused but then i remember my lie. “oh yeah, i am. even though i dont look it” i try to scoff a laugh, looking down at myself, excusing how ‘i dont care’ i look right now.

“you look fine.” he laughs back again, “you know… me, chris and matt were gonna go out for dinner soon, wanna come?” i can tell he really wants me to be there and i really want to but i try to push it away, still.

“uhhh, i think had something later, sorry” my small smile slowly fading as his does too, i don’t think i’ve seen his smile leave that fast. “really? we haven’t talked in weeks, i miss you” he jokes a little, but really we do miss each other.

“i know, i’m sorry, but i promise we’ll hang out soon yeah?” i try to fake a small smile, trying to make this a little better but nick still looks sad, “yeah okay, see you later then?” he looks like he hates me, he looks just annoyed, hurt. i feel terrible.

“yeah, later” i’m about to walk closer to give him another hug but he leaves, to i assume go find his brothers, before i can. i’m terrible.

i finish up grabbing my things before leaving and driving off, replaying our interaction in my head. i could’ve just went? it was one dinner, that’s all. not a big deal. but it’s too late, it would just be weird if my schedule suddenly cleared up now.

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

i make my way back to my apartment, putting my bags down on the counter before going straight to my room again, flopping down on top of the pile of blankets and stuffed animals that cover my bed.

i dig in my pocket for my phone, taking it out as i grab a blanket to pull it over my face, closing off the sun that shines through my window.

i go straight to me and nicks messages, thinking of texting him. ‘i’m sorry’ too short, plain. ‘sorry, i was wrong i can go’ feels like i’m pitying him, plus just dumb. ‘i love you’ yeah definitely not. ‘come over? sorry’ again, stupid and he can NOT see the mess i have over here.

i decide on nothing and put my phone to the side of me, burying my head into my pillows again, tears flooding my eyes again again again. it’s too much. this is all stupid and i need to get over it all. this is terrible.

i go back to my cycle of curling up in warm blankets, eating my now new oreos and dr pepper and rewatching shows i’ve seen a million times before. and obviously stalking nicks instagram, he posted a story of him and his brothers at dinner. he’s still wearing those earrings and that same beige jacket he was wearing before, and he still looks great.

i swipe up, about to message him. ‘you look great, sorry i couldn’t come’ i quickly delete it and just like the story. i need to stop trying to message him when i’m trying to ignore him.

₊ ° .☆ °:. *₊

after falling asleep shortly after i finished looking at nicks story i wake up to like five texts from who? nick, of course.

nick 🫶

| are you ignoring me?

| like did i do something or what?

| are you okay?

| can we just talk or hang out please?

| y/n?

| okay sorry actually, never mind

my heart drops, i feel so TERRIBLE. nick did nothing and i never want him to think that he did something wrong. he’s perfect.

i pick up my phone to respond but honesty i don’t know if i should… i want him to know that he did nothing but he’s right about me ignoring him… fuck this. i just ignore him, still.

i shut off my phone fast and roll to my other side, curling up my legs and staring at the small textured bumps on the off-white wall that i face. i take in every detail, trying to distract myself with something else. i spot all the tiny discolorations or stains on the wall, the way it all starts to blur when tears, again, rain out my eyes.

they drip on the curves of my cheeks and lips, my hands are tucked under my legs as he tears drop onto my sheets, i don’t bother wiping them off. they make a small circle ish shape when it hits on my bed with a darker gray on my gray sheets.

my spiraling hits again when the ridges on my wall go dark as my eyes close. why can’t my best friend just be my best friend? why can’t i just be a normal person? why can’t i just forget it all? why can’t this all just go away? why? why? why? why?

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @will-yummy

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo smut #nicolas sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets x reader #sturniolo #𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐢𝐩𝐣𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝜗𝜚⋆#sukiipjs #𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐢𝐩𝐣𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝜗𝜚⋆

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juvenillia · 6 months

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hey hi Jules! i love ur writing... dopom is simply amazing and i cant wait to see where the story is going now ❤️❤️

so i saw that ur kinda taking reqs so i wanted to ask what do u think how the 141 (+ Konig) would react to a reader who moved on from them? maybe a bit hurt/comfort yk

i hope ur fine with such a request, love ya ❤️

Hey there anon and sorry for coming back to your request that late, but tbh you request fitted my one shot for Ghost so damn perfectly that I wanted to finish that one beforehand so I could shamelessly promote it with your request another time, so thanks for your request and your love for DoPoM!! I love you!!! (that fic is my baby and I literally can’t wait to show you where the story will lead soon, atm I’m writing the big plot twist for the story but pssst)

Moving On [headcanon]

a/n: Maybe I got carried away, but I hope you still like it. Still I think it's not my best work. No matter what the reason of your breakup was, the man you love/d wasn’t happy about it. Still those men have really different ways to deal with the breakup and aftermath. In my head the obvious reason for the breakup would be that they want you to be happy, that they can’t bear the thought of the continuous angst and worry you must live through because of them. Maybe also a bit of jealousy, or maybe you decided to go because you couldn’t keep up with the longing and lonely nights anymore. Let’s be honest, dating one of those men would be heartbreaking and thrilling at the same time, you’d need nerves and patience like the soldier they are. It’s not for the weak.

tw/cw: slight mentions of suggestive content, toxic behavior, depression, guilt and more

Characters: Soap, Price, Ghost, Gaz, König

》Master Post《

Johnny – Patience/Eagerness – Would simply not stop being your partner. Yes, you broke up, but why should he leave your side? He denies the thought that you don’t need him because he knows you do. He’ll make sure to show you that you are indeed in no need of any other man than him in your life. Will keep referring to you as his significant other anywhere he goes. Will keep the cute polaroid of you in the pocket of his tactical vest. You need someone to help set up your new ikea bed in your new flat? He’ll be there in no time to lend a helping hand. You try to turn his favors down, but he reminds you anytime: “We’re still friends bonnie, aren’t we?” and he’s right. You couldn’t just shove him out of your life, he means too much to you after the years spent with him. And don’t let me get started of the idea that you’d go out with a new man and the date went horribly wrong. Johnny would make sure to lend you a shoulder for you to cry on. Stroking your hair, reassuring you that no matter what he would never leave your side. Not pushing you to far out of your comfort zone. Maybe he starts to accept that you both are simply friends now, very close friends. But anytime he asks you about your latest attempt to date someone new and you tell him how bad that guy treated you, a new glimpse of hope is added to his heart that still is beating only for you. He would love to scream at you that if you’re willing to try he would be the man carrying you to the altar in no time. But he knows you need to see it for yourself that he still is the right choice for you and he’s willing to wait for you to open your eyes.

Price – Jealousy/Possessiveness – But not in the bad-bad way, only a so much that it’s still kinda attractive you know? This man will let you go because he knows it’s for the best, but he won’t leave your life. He is confident enough to think that you won’t find anything better than him. He shared everything with you, and he knows everything about you. You’re going out with your girls, he will be at the same bar, scaring away any man that only dares to look at you for too long. You will once a week get a bouquet of your favorite flowers with a little handwritten note. Nothing more than a little compliment like “Pretty flowers for the pretty Mrs.” and you know that handwriting too well. Anytime you manage to hook up with someone new, he would be there too. Catching your glance, walking past you with a little “That’s my replacement, love? You can do better than that…” Only mumbled so you’re the only one to hear it. He won’t force you into anything back but makes sure that whenever you try to forget about him, he’s right there to shove his presence back into your head and heart. He doesn’t ask you out, he wants you to come back to him. And after a long time, and many bad dates you eventually realize that you won’t get happy with a different man. So, when you get weak and crawl back to him, he’s going to make sure to show you how much he missed you, and that no man would make you feel like he’s able to. And believe me, he’s making sure you won’t leave another time.

Ghost – Anger/Guilt – He does understand why you left, always tells himself that you’re better off without him, still he feels so much anger inside of him. Anger aimed towards himself. He is angry that he couldn’t be the best version of himself around him. Angry that he couldn’t be the man you needed; you deserved, what sends him into a downward spiral of guilt. Guilty of everything you gave up for being with him, guilty about everything you invested into that relationship, just to break every string off. Just to discard you out of his life, because he knows better than anyone that you deserve better than him. Still, he feels the pure selfishness in wanting you back in his arms. He would straight forward tell you how he feels at this point. Knowing that he isn’t the best to talk about his feelings but knowing that he has to try his best to get you back. So expect something like “I would do anything to get ya back.” You were the only thing giving him a place looking forward to return to and finally rest, how could he give up to that? The only thing that convinces him to keep out of your life would be the realization that you really are happier with another person. And if you’re interested in that even more I recommend reading 》 happier 《 my one-shot about that exact storyline.

Kyle – Grief/Shock – Can’t handle the breakup and is devasted. He locks himself up, doesn’t talk with anyone about it. He wouldn’t try to talk you into staying with him, because he loves you too much to try to force something on you. His mind is always circling around all the things that might have prevented that outcome. Everything eats him up. He leaves your life without a trace for you to take. Not wanting to get in your way. Still, he makes a private fake Instagram account to still be able to have an insight of your life. When he notices that you started dating a new man his heart breaks again. The last bits of hope for a shared future shattered into million pieces. You were his person, there won’t be anything he could do about it. Nothing could convince him otherwise, but he sees that you seem happy with the new guy, so he learns to live with the pain in his chest. Is laying between the memories you shared and will always hold onto them. Maybe at some point found the courage to tell you, that he’s happy for you new relationship and that he is still grateful for everything you went through with him. But he really didn’t expect an invitation for your wedding to land in his mail. Still, he goes, because he knows it makes you happy. Seeing you in the white dress, kissing your now husband, it really makes him tear up, still he’s forcing a smile onto his lips as he tells you, that he can’t stay long because of duty. You gave him a quick hug, thank him for his coming with the same sweet smile he fell in love back then. “I missed that smile a lot.” He admits and leaves your life completely afterwards. Still, the sight of you in that dress haunts him at night, knowing that you’ll never be his.

König – Denial/Pity – Hear me out, I do believe he would straight up say no. Like you tell him you want to break up with him and he is just like. “Aber nein, mein Mäuschen [Well, no, my little mouse] You don’t want that.” You are not allowed to leave him, sure he is reasonable and will talk things out with you, but you won’t be able to leave him so easily. Promising that he’ll do better, that he’ll change. He knows you better than anyone and will try everything to keep you in his life. You’d need to leave him when he’s deployed, the only time he couldn’t hold you back. So, when at someday you’re out with a new guy he finally steps in. Wrapping his arm around your waist, glaring at the man in front of you. “Do you really thought I’d let you go?” he mocks and strokes your side gentle. He sees how you still melt under his touch, because he knows that he had ruined you for any other man. He knows that you only wanted him, so he openly shows his pity for that poor guy that never really had a chance in the first place. But also, the pity he feels when he sees how hard you try to move on from him. He would never deny your desire, so he takes you back and reassures you once more, that he loves you and that you don’t need to leave him. That he will always come back to you, no matter what. You’re his reason he fights and survive.

#cod mw x reader #cod x reader #task force 141 #simon riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #soap x reader #price x reader #gaz x reader #ghost x reader #könig x reader #konig x reader #john price x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #johnny mactavish x reader #task force 141 x reader #cod headcanons #cod brainrot

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tannieastrology · 2 years

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Astrology Observations #2

After a long hiatus i'm back with a few observations I've made in the time I was gone. Hope you like it:)

🥀 Neptune in the 5th house may frequently get into a unhealthy one sided love if they don't learn to stop ignoring the red flags in the person their interested in. The presence of Neptune in this house makes you delusional towards your interest and blurs the line between love and obsession. It's the fact that yall chase after people who are obviously not good for you in the first place. Remember guys, reciprocation is very important in love and if you're not their number 1 then they shouldnt be yours either. My advice would be to stop making scenarios in your head and to take them for what they show you NOT what they could be. Learn to assert your boundries and stop romanticizing people who do the bare minimum you deserve better.

🥀 Pisces Venus and getting scammed by their own love interests smh. People who have this placement need to be careful with who they get involved with. My cousin had this placement and she was dating this guy from Australia who was trying to come to America. They were in a relationship for 5 years and when they got a court marriage he got the green card and ran away. So basically he used her for her own benefit and when he got what he wanted he left. Most men she got with ended up treating her so bad but they seemed pretty nice at first. That's what Neptune does. Wherever it's in your chart could be where you are taken advantage of and easily decieved so be extra cautious.

🥀 Mars in the 12th house have terrible sleeping schedules. They're the type to stay up during night and sleep during the day and then take their anger out on everyone because they're sleep deprived. This is me telling you right now to fix your sleeping schedule and even though you might find more peace at night humans are not nocturnal. Who knows y'all not getting the right amount of sleep could be the reason why you feel so depressed.

🥀 Capricorn moons when are you gonna stop running away from your emotions. Life would be so much easier if you just learned to deal with your trauma and forget about the expectations that your loved ones have for you. I know life is unfair to you and your parents dont give you the love you deserve, but that doesnt mean you dont deserve to be happy. It's hard for people to love you if you push them away. Having a crush on someone with this placement, if underdeveloped, is not fun especially if he's a guy because they dont understand their emotions and dont put effort to understand them either. However, these are some of the most loyal, hardworking, mature people I have ever known when developed. They'll make you feel safe and loved in their arms if the truly love and care for you. They're good people but just have a wounded innerchild, that's it. Deep down I know y'all are softies so stop hiding it. Not everyone is out to get you I promise . Also please consider therapy.

🥀 Lilith in Scorpio women give maneater energy for some reason. Its hard to explain but they have this allure to them that people cant resist. Ex- Beyonce, Anne Hathaway, Taylor Swift, Briggete Bardot, Vanessa Paradis.

🥀 Venus square ascendant people I swear your beautiful stop thinking you're ugly. Sometimes you guys dont see your own beauty and the effect you have on people. You have the ability to turn heads when you walk into a room, but you dont see that because of the unbelievably high standards you've set for yourself. You're beautiful but the way you percieve what beauty is, doesnt align with your appearance or reality. Maybe it couldve been because people always commented on your appearence growing up or you feel pressured by society. Remember that beauty is the eye of the beholder. Just because you think your ugly doesnt mean that you actually are, youre just not your own type.

🥀 Mars square Uranus combined with Venus/Moon to Pluto is the epitome of enemies to lovers in synastry. Its like you hate them so much but have this unbelievable urge to slam them against the wall and kiss them. That person will annoy the shit out of you but the attraction is always underlying there and it gets hard to ignore. If you wanna a healthy relationship though, I would steer clear from this synastry because its toxic.

🥀 Lilith in the 2nd house/Taurus are what I would imagine a material girl to be. They love luxury things and will find a way to get what they want if they set their eye on something. Also they might get a certain job or enter a career just because it pays well. They're pretty hedonistic in general and love sex or anything Taurus/Venus related. Alot of the women here have nicely shaped bodies and lips even if theyre on the skinnier side. However, they could have eating disorders and body dysmorphia.

🥀 Leo Venus are so cute you guys remind me of a little puppy begging for attention:/ The thing is, yall are too flighty for my liking. A guy I know liked 2 girls at the same time and one of them even like him back and she asked him out, but he said no because he like the other one more like dude??? The other girl even had boyfriend but still he said no. Then he had the audacity to complain about the fact that he's never been in a relationship before. These people are more in love with the idea and attention of love then actually being in a relationship. As a Capricorn Venus this placement is a red flag sorry.

🥀 Saturn square Venus in synastry is so sad to watch its literally right person wrong time as a placement. The couple I was talking about above had this placement and they didnt end up together because they liked each other at different times and everyone ships them too but it just never happened. The girl was the Venus and the guy was Saturn.

🥀 Virgo Mars are secretly little freaks and if they have aspects from Saturn it could be someone who's into bdsm. I met a guy with this placement and he used to call me master and ma'am. For some reason i could sense the sexual undertone in his voice but idk. Virgos in general are the definition of gentlemen/lady in the streets freaky in the sheets, so keep your eye on them.

🥀 Taurus and Cancer together in the big six gives major milf energy.

🥀 Capricorn and Virgo together in the big six gives dilf energy.

🥀 I hate stereotyping placements in astrology but damn Gemini Venus men are fuckboys sorry. My bestfriend has this placement and he told me he like 4 girls at once. Also he dated all of his best friends and while one of them was in a relationship he asked her out while she was dating the other guy. He got rejected but still. I think this applies to guy with a Gemini Sun though because I've observed that Cancer Sun Gemini Venus guys behave differently.

🥀 Leo risings are not as confident as youd think. People I know with this placement are super insecure and have a love hate relationship with their hair.

🥀 10th and 11th house synastry is seriously so slept on. If you want a ride or die lover go find someone you have this synastry with. Major power couple vibes.

That's all for today don't hesitate to give feedback:)

#astrology #neptune #pisces venus #capricorn moon #scorpio #lilith astrology #mars in 12th house #synastry #lilith in the houses #venus in leo #virgo mars #saturn #astrology notes #astrology observations #my observations #random observations

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disabled-dinos · 5 months

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Resignation & Disability

Something that non-disabled people really never seem to understand is that being resigned can actually be a good thing sometimes - it certainly is for me.

There’s this idea that being resigned means you're giving up or doomed or not trying anymore. That's tragic. Not inspirational at all 🥺 (/sar). But it's not pessimism; it’s realism.

Yes. I have given up on most of my childhood dreams and goals. No, I can't do anything I put my mind to. And no (despite being a somewhat spiritual person), no higher power is going to miraculously cure me tomorrow if I just have enough faith.

But this doesn't feel like giving up! Not in the traditional “doom and gloom” sense, anyway. It's freeing. It's such a relief to let go of what had become this huge weight I was lugging around, this standard I could never reach. I've released it and it feels so much better.

Being “resigned” to reality is healthy. It's quite literally depressing to continuously strive for something that is just not within reach, and to instead learn to be content in your current situation.

And I don't mean content in the “oh everything is sparkles and rainbows” sense. I mean, hey, if you can do that, that's amazing! Truly, be as happy as you can be! But I mean content in the “this is life, it kind of sucks but there are good things” kind of way. Acknowledge the bad, sit with it, but also note the good.

It was hard, and still is at times, for me to get used to just flat out telling people, “no, i cant do that.” Not, “I can't do that today,” or “Maybe next year!” but just “no.”

This is partly because it makes people uncomfortable; they feel the need to apologise for not realising, or propose that maybe i'll “get better,” or that i need to “keep trying!”

And you know the crazy thing? Maybe my health will change! Maybe I will feel better. But heck, maybe I'll get worse! And who does it benefit to dwell on the what-ifs? Because it's certainly not me. This is my reality now, it has been my reality for years, and I'm okay with that.

I do my best to enjoy the bits of energy that I have and to accept the lows. It's hard, i don't need to sugar coat it. But it's okay that I'm disabled and chronically ill. It's not fair, but it's okay, it's real, it's my life. It would be helpful if other people could be okay with my reality too; after all, it's mine - not theirs.

I think, at its core, it's not really resignation. It’s acceptance.

And for me that's powerful.

#disability #chronic illness #cripple punk #autistic #adhd #audhd #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #hypermobile eds #disabled #disability pride #acceptance #healing #fern talks about stuff #disability journaling

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fairycosmos · 3 months

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hey sorry if this is invasive but how do you know you have depression? things have been harder to cope with for the past month but i am incredibly ashamed of asking for help or even saying out loud because i feel dramatic, attention seeking etc. even realising how much it is affecting my life. do i really need to get it out to get better?

ive had it since i was a kid and my doctor has been aware of it since i was like 11 so it was just smth i grew up with - when im in a particularly bad episode i can tell because im extremely lethargic, unmotivated, don't look after myself, am prone to severe hopelessness and a sense of impending doom following me everywhere + self destruction, i drink more, i get paranoid, i dissociate and feel disconnected from the world around me and from my own body, im numb/sad most of the time, i have panic attacks and cant get out of bed even for things i would usually want to do, im very disorganised and have a flat affect/tone of voice, i don't interact with people much....honestly the list goes on LOL.

it's important to understand that depression manifests uniquely for everybody and if youve noticed a difference in your own behaviour/thinking patterns that is actively and consistently impacting your life negatively - then that is enough of an indicator that something is going on. it doesn't need to be any worse. if it's already difficult, then it's already difficult, and you deserve support with it. to some extent it's some normal to feel ashamed/afraid of reaching out - we're raised in a world that stigmatises mental illness and we've received that messaging for a long time. which makes it feel like the truth, but doesn't mean that it is actually true. i think the bottom line is that you need to treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend going through something like this. you wouldn't want them to cut themselves off from asking for help because they've bullied themselves into silence over what people might or might not think of them. if we want to live in a world that truly supports people with mental health issues in an effective way, then we need to hold ourselves to that same standard. i know it's incredibly overwhelming, and im not saying it's wrong to be anxious or scared about reaching out. i just think actively trying to frame it from a more objective mindset could help you accept what is happening and what the right next step is for you. if you have the opportunity to talk to someone - a hotline, your doctor, a local support group or therapist, even a friend/family member to begin with - i really encourage it. even write down what you want to say or bullet point what's been going on so you don't feel like you're being put on the spot. im sure you're imagining all sorts of reactions, but in my experience, professionals are very accepting of what you're going through and just want to work with you to see how you can process and cope with your current mindset more healthily. whether it's medication, talking therapies, showing you new coping skills - there's a lot that can be done for someone in your shoes. you're not stuck and they're not going to judge you. even if, in some alternate reality, you just wanted some attention - that's not a crime. i think it's natural to want someone to witness and acknowledge us when we're hurting anyway. sorry to ramble - there are a lot of depression self help and coping pdfs that are free and available to download online which offer a bit of support. maybe that could be a good stepping stone if you're feeling super uncomfortable with the idea of talking to someone. we all work on our own timeline and thats honestly ok. but if you're looking for truly personalised and effective help then i think working towards talking to someone is your best option. it's okay to not be happy about that and still do it, like swallowing a medicine that tastes gross. otherwise the thoughts just rot inside you and you get lost in a spiral of depressive thinking patterns and it weighs you down having to manage it all alone inside your head. you become at risk of losing all objectivity and sense of self, which happens to me often and is fucking horrible. if it's possible, i really hope you eventually bring this up to a loved one or a professional. im really sorry you're going through this and i truly hope better days are ahead. sending a lot of love. X

#anon

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lokisivy · 1 year

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Charles Xavier X Fem!Mutant!Reader

Timeline: 1973 (X-men days future and past)

summary: you have a secret you kept from Charles after he got depressed and after stopping the serum he regains his powers and tries to read your mind.

warnings: angst, abortion and mentions of depression and panic attacks

your pov

It was another day like any other Charles getting drunk and trying to mask his sadness with sarcasm its been almost 11 years since Cuba and after losing his legs, raven, Erick and the school shutting down. he got so depressed.

i knew the moment he tried to pick me us at the bar with his mutant facts that he was the love of my life and i felt it too in him.

one of my powers are being able to feel others feeling.

i tried cheering him up with sex and romantic trips but he was still sad.

but then angel from the future named Logan came and told him about a future where all mutants are dying from robots made by Ravens DNA.

"Yeah I remember you now, I'm gonna say what you said to us before 'Fuck off' "

I was mad so mad i ran after him going to his rokm blowing at him

"What the fuck Charles!" i yelled at him

"what do you want now." he scoffs getting a syringe to take

"This man out there just said that the fate of many mutants lies on our hands and your fucking telling him to fuck off."

"How much longer are you gonna hide its been 10 fucking years you need to face the music Charles, bad things happen and we choose whether we want it to affect us or not." you yelled getting more furious at his calmness and unbothered self

"nothing matters anymore." he took a swing of the bottle of alcohol next to him

"What about me?" my heart started to ache I felt his love drift away everyday i dont if it was the sadness or him but i definitely felt something change.

he doesn't answer and starts laying on his back.

i was on the brink of crying at this point i couldn't hold it anymore longer

"Tell me charles!" i start sobbing i couldn't take in anymore of this emotional build up.

"because i never feeling any emotions from you when i'm around you!"

i falls on my knees crying out all my feelings that i've contained

i suddenly felt a warm embrace it was Charles hugging me cressing my head

"You mean the world to me darling."

"if anyone tried to hurt you i would feel sorry for what happens to them."

i hugged him back finally feeling the comfort i've been seeking all this time i sob on his shoulders

"I'm sorry i didn't acknowledge your feelings i was being selfish like you said but i swear i love you."

----

after a while Charles regained his powers and the time youve feared has come. before he took the serum charles would always get in your head and check on you. not that he didn't trust you, but you in fact told him too it was very handy when you were aroused he would give you everything you thought about.

when ever you didn't want him to read your mind you thought about something that could keep him out and when you did that he would give you the privacy you needed

you always thought about a garden of sunflowers where you were picking flowers.

after charles trying to find raven with Cerebro he got frustrated for not being able to connect to her.

"I cant do this." charles said

"No you can just try." logan said

he looked into logans memory and then drifted to me trying to tell me he wants to trying to read my mind

"Can I?" he looked at me

you didnt want to seem sus so you leaned down on you knees giving him acesses to hold your head.

"Why are you thinking about flowers, do you not want me to read your mind?"

"Yes.."

"What are you hiding Y/N?"

he hold your head trying to look past your memories

"Charles stop!" you try to get out of the tight grip but it doesn't work his grip is too tight

he got closer to the memory you wanted to avoid

he saw it all

you laying on a bed getting a the abortion

the pregnancy results

you talking to hank about it

"You were pregnant with our child and you killed it"

"Please don't say that charles." tears start to pool in my eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he said with hurt in his voice

"I'm sorry i swear i wanted to tell you but i thought that it was for the best not to overwhelm you and put pressure on you. you were always sad and angry it was the wrong time having a child." my voice cracked

"It wasn't your choice to make by yourself Y/N ! it was my child too!" rage filled his voice

"I'm so sorry i was scared how you would react i thought you might blame me for ruining your life i'm sorry." you cried holding his head close to you trying to make him feel your emotions

"Ruining? Y/N if i knew you were pregnant it would've given me hope, to be better."

"i didnt know im sorry please forgive me charles." you tried to feel his emotions bt he was blocking you.

"Please tell me what you feel."

"I'm afraid you wont like what you feel, you must already feel horrible about it and i need time to process it." he said cressing my head.

"You still love me right?" you asked scared of his answer.

"I still love you darling but you need to know that this is all new to me... Alright?" he tried reassure me but i sense a wave of hesitation in his voice.

i knew he wasnt okay i know he hates me for what i did im trying to accese his emotions but he keeps blocking me.

we left Cerebro and on our way to the plane i talked with hank.

"Do you think what i did was wrong?" i asked him trying to seek comfort

"I'm not in a place to say what you did was wrong because I think what you did was brave you knew it was the wrong time to have a child and you didn't want to gamble but hiding it from Charles was wrong who knows he might have changed for the baby made a better life out of it."

Panic rose to my throat, the moment I stepped into the plane you went to the bathroom Charles was already there and he noticed your panic

you couldn't breathe the air was stuck in your throat.

This is all my fault you kept saying to yourself

"Y/N what is going on are you okay?"

your heard Charles in your head "Charles... I'm sorry Charles it's all my fault I killed our baby it's all my fault." You cried you fell on your knees

You didn't notice Charles in the bathroom until he tried to hold your head.

"It's me it's just me dont worry, darling," he reassured you.

You turned to him hugging him burying your face in his chest.

"I'm sorry- i- it was a mistake I should've told you." you cried

yes, Charles was upset about the abortion but a part of him knew that he was too far down the rabbit hole he wouldn't have been supportive.

"I need you to calm down my love." he tried to pull your face to see it

"I can't- I-"

"Calm down." he gave your mind the order.

your breath slowed down. you stopped crying.

he wiped your tears off of your face. "It's alright my love you were trying to protect me I admit I'm upset about it but we can make more when we are ready I need you to promise me you won't hide from me something like that ever again," he said tucking some of the hairs out of your face behind your ears.

"I promise, I won't hide from your anything again," you promised him and you tend to keep it.

"It's alright I'm here my angel." you smiled at the nickname.

he took your hand and placed it on his head allowing you to feel his emotions and all you felt was love and protection towards you

"I love you so much." you laughed lightly kissing his lips.

You felt his heart flutter when you said that giving you the reply you need.

"I love you more." he kissed back.

excuse me if I switched points of view I'm too tired to care tbh

#james mcavoy #charles xavier #charles xavier smut #x men apocalypse #new xmen #x men fanfiction #hank mccoy #evan peters imagine #evan peters smut #evan peters x reader

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atinystaypixie · 6 months

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Ranting cuz i need to get things off my chest and feel insane n over life

I’m so damn tired. I stay home to take care of my mother n the constant backlash i get from her is astounding. Always saying i have an attitude n that my face makes her upset. I literally am passing out from exhaustion during the day cuz i can never sleep properly and I usually am jumping out my sleep to come help her and she somehow takes it as me having an attitude and being a bitch—literally called me a bitch, despite me telling her several times its just my face and i cant control it. And then the constant saying im going to Hell because im treating her so terribly. Im trying my best but when i say that she point out that trying isnt good enough and im being a bitch. And she tells me im not taking responsibility for my actions but when i tell her she isnt either cuz she never wants to hear that she talks harshly to me and my sister then its a problem. I just dont get it. I cant do more than im doing and the moment something gets dirty or messy then all hell breaks loose. Im taking care of YOU and am home by MYSELF with you pretty much all fay everyday so excuse me if i cant clean like a damn slave 24/7, take care of you, and manage my school work all in one day. She keeps saying how she never took her time to do anything when it came to me n my sis and that we are terrible kids for taking so long to do anything she ever asks. Aka with me she means if i dont come running in .2 secs of her calling me n this usually happens when im so exhausted i dont hear her. Its a damn if i do and damn if i dont thing almost cuz if i do come quick enough i look ugly and bitchy to her but if i dont come quick enough…i still look ugly and bitchy to her AND i definitely have an attitude. Idk how she expects me to smile when she literally berates and fusses at me 24/7 for even the smallest things especially things i tell her arent happening the way she says. But if I say that she always hits me with the “no you want to play me as crazy! My mind aint gone”- yall im so tired this back and forth and not even being able to apologize and trying to be civil just to be met with curses is crazy. I would see if I genuinely had an attitude but even trying to talk it out leads to no fucking where. Im already depressed and trying not to relapse into bad habits but damn what did i do to deserve this like this? Ik im not a perfect caregiver but i literally stayed home from college and opted to do online courses to help take care of her, i opted to not find a new job, i opted to actually try and be here for her n this is all im met with everyday? Im just tired

#pixie.not so sparkly

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robs-corner-of-the-internet · 2 months

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Dear friend,

if anyone is out there and reading this then hi! this is my little part of the world where i can talk about the stuff that i cant tell anyone about irl. My name is Rob and im 15 years old. Im anorexic, i also have depression, anxiety and adhd :D Fun ikr?/j. But yeah its a lot to deal w and i just needed somewhere to talk about it all and here we are.

Ive had ana for about 2 years now but ever since i moved to my mom its been good and bad periods. Right now you could say im in a "bad period", just meaning that i dont want to get better. Honestly I wish that i could be normal but i just got a scale and i cant imagine gaining weight and being able to see each kg i gain.. I also just get nauseous when i eat literally anything so i would rather not.

My depression also has good and bad periods and sometimes i just want to give up but i cant bc then i get behind on school work. Ive been feeling like im holding my head just above the water, waiting for someone to help me but no one ever does. That was awfully depressing but it really is true! Ive been getting worse and i even started hurting myself again. some days i get this overwhelming sad feeling and it consumes me until theres nothing i can do but cry, dissociate or hurt myself. The worst part is that this happens in school quite a lot and most times i go non-verbal too. I am just very exhausted and i want this all to be over soon. I wish that life was like a movie so that you could stop it and watch something else once in a while.

There is a lot of bad things to talk about but there is some good too! I have recently gotten into DnD for example. Its very fun but a lot to learn. I am going to be DM for a group of new players while i am as well a new player so its a bit scary. I am very excited about it still! Some of my other interests are reading, writing, listening to music, sleeping, observing, and musical theater/theater. I like mitski, rain, big theif, the cranberries, The perks of being a wallflower, Aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe, Dead poet society, smoking, and going on walks. some things about me are that i go to a waldorf school, i live in sweden, i have a gf (<33), im greyace, i acually have good grades (whatt:0), and basically my whole wardrobe is thrifted!

Anyways, back to the bad-ish stuff! Okay well this isnt all "bad" but i am going to be posting pro-for-me ana stuff cuz i need somewhere to share it all so here is some of that. cgw - 37kg (updated in bio) ugw - 35kg (or just basically as low as possible) lw - 37 cw - 38.3 (updated in bio) cbmi - 15.7 (updated in bio)

So rn im not acually counting my cals bc i feel that its easier to just not eat during the day and then if i really have to ill eat dinner (cuz of my mom). So far its working, i just wish i lived by myself. Everything would be so much easier.

Sorry this was a lot longer than i thought it would be:o Hope you enjoyed hearing a bit about mee and i hope ur having a good day/night<3

//Love always, Rob

#@na #th1n #boy ana #ed behaviour tw #ed meals #ed not ed sheeran #th1n$pø #ed vent #ed relapse #ed not sheeren #actually mentally ill #mental illness #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #sorry for being depressing

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versethetic · 1 month

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Hi verse, you are like a cpmfort blog to me so i decided to ask you.. its just that i have fed myself way too much info about loa for ,2 years and my life is kinda bad like i got caught committing suicide the last hour thats the only reasob of me being here now.. yk i trust you and bloggers dont get me wrong but it just started to feel like im escaping my depression fooling myself with some utopic Tumblr content. You will probably tell me to take a break but i'm kinda done with breaks and just want to change my life but i just cant do anything do you have any advice bb 😭😭

i want you to understand that i don’t mean any malice or harm by saying this, but if you are in such desperation and your mental health is taking this much of a toll, then a break is the first thing you need.

especially if overconsuming tumblr is a big reason for it.

that doesn’t mean stop consuming loassum posts and then come back doing the same exact thing as before. that means take a break and learn how to validate yourself in your own mind. without needing to hear answers and tips you already know from us bloggers.

you need to break this habit or instinct you have to come up here or on any other platform seeking tips, epiphanies, the one true answer or just to get all the information that you can because i can guarantee you, if you’ve overconsumed info then you have more than enough knowledge to take this break.

you should not be up on tumblr if you’ve just had a serious event occur like that, especially this recently. and that is not to shame you but to help you realize that you’ve already got your answers bb.

you can do anything. that trust you put in me and all these other bloggers, you need to start putting in yourself.

take a break. whether it’s a day, a week, a month, try anything to safely make yourself feel better because loassum (and what you want) is not going anywhere.

write out your feelings, daydream, meditate, listen to music. genuinely become more in tune with things that make you feel better and then sit with yourself.

honestly and truly sit with yourself and think through where you’re going to go from here.

take your most precious time ml.

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if you feel like reading posts on tumblr that badly, pick a few basic posts or ones you really resonate with and only refer to them and don’t go trying to find something new. a few i recommend:

look at these posts here

#loa #law of assumption #loassumption #reality shifting #shifting #shifting realities #manifesting #manifestation #desired reality

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qumiiiquinnquin · 5 months

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im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

#vent #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent #tw sui attempt #long post #well this escalated fast #i am useless and pathetic. i am going to remain this way forever. the only way out is to just disappear i think. im tired of being alive

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