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#i love that he phrases it as 'i should be happy for my friend'. he has such a messed up mental relationship with Friendship
cripplecharacters · 2 days
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Hello! Want to double check that I've done a decent job of avoiding disfiguremisia, and try to turn it into great counter to hatred instead of just an okay one.
Preface: I have a form of memory loss and likely brain damage so I cannot always phrase things clearly although I will try my best.
Personally I do not feel happy reading escapist stories as that happy ending is not achievable for real people. We don't get to live in a place that's completely safe and free from judgement. I'd like to write people in a hostile world who find love and safety and community, however this does necessite writing hostility. I want to make sure I'm doing so with care.
I would like to make sure that the hostility written as tension does not tar how I write how one of the main characters. He should be written with dignity and respect even when he is not being treated well by those around him.
One of my characters is blind and develops severe burn scars. He wears a blindfold to help with photophobia and sensory overwhelm, but takes it off when its dim. (CVI plus autism.)
While he does wear a cloth coverings in public due to ugly laws, he views it as a ridiculous requirement and happily removes this mask when with friends. He also enjoys that being visibly strange or somewhat unnerving to most people means that shallow people who judge by appearances avoid him.
Question: what other things might I be able to employ to counter disfiguremisia? I have him being content with his face as it tells a story of his life and he's a blunt, forward person, not covering his face for most of the story despite laws necessitating that he do so, and a few other things too (and many side characters with facial differences and deformities also).
Also none of the central plotlines centre around facial difference. He's joining a servant rebellion, befriending a bitter exile intent on status at all costs, and discovering the truth of history. (Also a mind controlling octopus being is involved and a semi sentient moon amalgam thing but don't worry about it everything's fine.)
I think later books will be a more effective counter due to lack of ugly laws and him finding a lovely interest. I will also do my best to make the counters feel real and feasible - I want it to feel like an achievable option for those who deal with prejudice in the real world. I want his happy ending to feel real.
I respect the hell out of escapist fantasies it's just that they do nothing for me personally. I really want to write someone dealing with a lot - more than I ever have - and coming out the other end happy. Yes this world is hostile and will judge me but I can find joy despite it all. Some say the world is universally cruel but I have not found this to be the case. It is wise to be wary but myself and friends can create small sections of time and space where no precautions are necessary. Am I not part of the world? Are not they? The world is not universally cruel as long as I and those I treasure live in and we are not extraordinary, simply uncommon, and what is uncommon is still a great bounty. (Something to that effect.)
I'm set on what I want to write but the specifics I'm more than happy to change in order to bring joy. Do you have ideas on how I can do this full idea full justice?
Hello,
before getting to your actual ask, I have a "few" questions about the premise of the story itself.
You mention that you don't like escapist fantasies - that's fair. Taste differs; you can write whatever and that's great. But I do find the insistence to write a story about a specific type of discrimination as an outsider rather strange. If you want to have facial difference representation, I assume you want to have readers with facial differences, correct? I mean, I don't think that many able-bodied people would be too interested in it specifically considering most don't know what it is. So okay, this is supposed to be a story of characters with facial differences overcoming centuries worth of hatred and all that. Arguably more, considering that disfiguremisia and ableism go all the way back to Biblical times.
Why are you the person who needs to tell this story?
Just as people with facial differences are readers, we can be authors as well. We tell our stories. I will take an #OwnVoices book over a one that isn't that any day, and this fact will influence the rest of this answer. I'm a firm believer in #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs and all when it comes to this stuff.
Have you talked to people with facial differences who would be interested in the kind of story you want to tell? Do you know what they want to see from an author that's not taking it from their own experience? I don't count here, because as I made clear before, I'm not and won't be interested in it. I also don't know anyone in the community who has ever said "I wish more people without our experiences wrote about how hard it is to be us!". You need to make sure there are people who want this.
So, have, or will you, reach out to those that could like it? Sensitivity readers, random people online who like to read about disfiguremisia in their free time, advocates who work on media-centric problems? Anyone who would enjoy it is automatically a better candidate to help than me. I'm too jaded, I suppose.
If you want to talk about people with facial differences in such detail and setting, you need to get to know us. One guy with a specific set of opinions from a blog on Tumblr isn't that (thank god), but I guess I can serve as a reminder that not everyone will be excited to read a book that represents them in some way. We still have preferences.
To write it, you need to involve yourself in the community, start actually spreading activism about our issues. Preach about Face Equality and celebrate when our once-a-year week happens in May. See what disfiguremisia causes. Share our efforts to get all the problematic garbage off the big screen. Read our stories. Understand us as people who are incredibly diverse, and that not all of us like to be described as strange or unnerving.
If you only want to talk about our suffering as some quota to fill on a "types of discrimination" list, it will always be flat and inauthentic, and if you don't put in the effort it's pointless. We don't want tragedy porn, and we don't need to be included in every story about struggles that just wants some brand-new type of bigotry in it. We want authors who care about us, the living and breathing people. And sometimes it might mean respecting our opinions on writing disfiguremisia.
Here is a great post by @writingwithcolor explaining the effects of tragedy exploitation. Not everything there applies, but I would consider it a very valuable read.
If you think about all this, and decide that you are ready to write such a heavy, community-based story, go ahead to...
Actual Answers! Hooray
what other things might I be able to employ to counter disfiguremisia?
Sympathize with him. Disfiguremisia is a tragedy, it's brutal and it hurts. It's traumatic and impossible to forget, even if it wasn't happening constantly just to remind us that it's still there. On this note, I would recommend you research writing characters with PTSD.
Have him think about it. Sometimes I get home after getting stared down on the street and just want to yell. You don't forget a microaggression or a hate crime after five minutes. Let him vent and let him be upset. He can have flashbacks or recall similar situations that happened in the past.
I'm glad that he's aware of disfiguremisia unlike a ton of characters who are somehow always unable to figure out that it's a problem. If the ableism he's facing is so systemic and severe, individual people will be even more extreme. You can have him remember that the shop owner was a slur-spitting bigot, or that his neighbors avoid even talking to him. I want him to call them out - in retrospective, at the moment, in his head, whatever - on what they're doing. Throw a "not this fucking thing again" or something in there.
The minimum is to make him feel like a human with an internal thought process, who is able to actually experience what's happening to him, and for it to have long-term effects.
Also, outside of the whole disfiguremisia thing and me being overdramatic, check out our #blindness tag, and research burn scar care. If you don't show the boring and mundane, it will only feel closer to tragedy porn; just a sad thing one after another.
I will also do my best to make the counters feel real and feasible - I want it to feel like an achievable option for those who deal with prejudice in the real world.
This I think is the part of the ask that made me the saddest, and not because of what you wrote. I tried to think of achievable ways; ways that we did it, tried to do it, and are doing it, and one-by-one I crossed them out as "didn't work", "no one cared enough" or "kinda worked but honestly, it didn't". Face Equality is basically non-existent, not matter how much it hurts me to admit it! We are trying our best, and it doesn't work. It's just plain hard for me to come up with suggestions for this.
In fiction, I suppose that personal resistance is the way when it comes to this. I don't think there are feasible systemic changes that could happen that don't border on magical thinking or get into the "singular glorious revolution that somehow fixes everything and everyone lived happy ever after. We fixed racism, yay!". This just sucks.He could try to educate the people who are willing to listen - that's somewhat what I'm trying to pull off here on this blog, I guess. Sometimes it works, often it doesn't, but in his situation it wouldn't hurt to try.
The fundamental part here will be whether your character is able to find a way to make the ordinary person care in the end. To me, society who still hates us just as much, with a small group that thinks we're okay isn't a happy ending. The opposite, rather. It's cold and isolating to know only your friends could value you as a human being, and downright sad to imply that we should be happy for that. I don't mean that everyone should love us in every story, but there's a difference between The Ableism being represented by an antagonist or two versus the entire world except for the main characters.
If you decide to go forward with this story, I do hope your other readers with facial differences enjoy it!
mod Sasza
[This ask was submitted before my announcement of not taking questions regarding this subject matter. As of publishing this, it still applies.]
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kerorowhump · 10 months
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my boy best friend having trouble identifying/accepting envy?
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actually makes so much sense for him
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verstappen-cult · 4 months
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gonna take up on the request opening bc i love these lil blurbs you do with your moodboards! maybe "how they defend you online" esp charles and lando but if you feel like adding others its up to you !!
THE BOYS DEFENDING YOU FROM ONLINE HATE | F1 GRID
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★ — LANDO NORRIS (4)
lando was streaming when you came home one day. once he heard the front door being closed and then your footsteps, he excused himself with his friends and viewers and went to greet you. when he came back, there were several texts from his friends letting him know of some not-so-friendly comments about you. suddenly, lando had something else to do and ended the whole thing. he did not tell you anything, lando simply waited until his next stream for what he wanted to do. it was very simple and definitely something lando would do; and staring right into the camera lando let the world know that if they don’t support his relationship, then he just doesn’t want their support at all. from then on, lando just blocked everyone who didn’t have anything good to say. you’re the most important person in his life, how can anyone hate you? and so, lando made a promise to himself: show the world the amazing girl you are.
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★ — CHARLES LECLERC (16)
even way before you started dating charles, receiving hateful comments and messages was a common occurrence. of course your boyfriend knew about it, everyone could see what was happening just by choosing a random picture on your instagram and reading the replies. it was sad, awful. but you didn’t want charles to do anything, you stopped him a lot of times because you didn’t want to bring too much attention into the whole thing. charles loves you and that is all that matters to you. it was, well, okay… until things became a little to real, a little too much, and charles couldn’t sit back and do nothing. so with a little bit of help from his team, he managed to write a very good and long statement about the whole thing. there were mixed opinions but things quiet down a little. and you weren’t happy at first, but something as simple as seeing your comment section hate-free made you forgive him sooner.
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★ — OSCAR PIASTRI (81)
oscar is a man of very few words and never engages in online drama or gossip. if and when he’s online, oscar just wants to see cute and funny videos. he’s a formula one driver and people should only be interested in that part of his life, but he knows that will never be the case. however, he’s still surprised to see various comments around twitter about you. they are not about how beautiful or intelligent you are or how happy you seem to make oscar with your pretty smile and sense of humor – not that they would know that. not that they deserve to know that, either. some part of him wants to reply to those people who definitely don’t know you, he’s angry, disgusted. and the rational part of him tells him to simply don’t say anything because they don’t deserve it. so, oscar just clicks to make a new tweet and begins with a simple phrase “you don’t know anything about me or my life…” and so on. maybe he sounded a little harsh, maybe things will get worse; he couldn’t care less, as long as you’re not mad with him, he can live with being the center of the drama. oscar will never let anyone disrespect you.
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★ — MAX VERSTAPPEN (33/1)
max doesn’t care what people think and have to say about him, that ship has sailed a long time ago. but he can’t ignore when people say mean things about you, he just can’t, so, he doesn’t. max replies to every single tweet and comment on both his and your instagram that he sees, he goes directly to the point and if he’s mean then, who cares? maybe it’s a little bit childish but he doesn’t care, max will not allow anyone to talk shit about his girl. and if he needs to make a video or do an interview or whatever he needs to do to make people understand that you are part of his life and forever will be, then he will be more than happy to do them. max is almost never online, so when all of this happens he makes sure to make time to be online, to post a picture of you on his instagram story, to post a photo of your vacation together on his feed, to say how much he loves you via twitter, to mention you when he has the chance during an interview. he loves making you blush and seeing you trying to hide your smile when you see all those things. max also loves pissing people off.
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★ — ALEX ALBON (23)
alex tries to be friendly. when he sees someone say something not good about his girlfriend, he doesn’t hesitate to prove them wrong and defend you. he knows you’re more than capable of doing it and has seen you doing it before; he loves it. but there’s this something inside of him trying to break free and just let everyone know the funny, pretty, amazing, kind girl he’s lucky to call his girlfriend. so, alex lets it free and goes liking, retweeting and replying to every single comment about you and how shiny and nice your hair is, how you seem to make alex so happy and how he’s always smiling around you (he makes sure to let them know why is that), how lucky alex is to have you by his side, and so on and on and on until there’s nothing more for him, until he can’t think about the mean things people said, until you are laughing next to him and calling him obsessed and kissing him like your life depends on it.
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★ — DANIEL RICCIARDO (3)
daniel chooses a catchy song and changes some of the lyrics, then sets his phone down and sits with a big smile and his guitar. when the video starts, he simply says “this is dedicated to all of the assholes thinking that is okay to hate on someone’s girlfriend just because.” and then he starts singing. there are a lot of bad words and cursing and long pauses looking directly into the camera without losing that big and pretty smile he has. daniel then uploads the video to all his platforms with a little paragraph about why bullying is bad and why you should mind your own business because he’s not that interesting anyway and it won’t make him break up with you because some trolls are practically begging him to. he ends up getting in trouble for not consulting with his team before doing what he did, something that has him going viral, so viral that people outside of formula one and people who don’t even who he is talk about it. exactly what he wanted.
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★ — MICK SCHUMACHER (47)
the moment mick has to hold you in his arms as you cry because you’d read something mean about you, it’s the exact moment he decides to do something about it. he doesn’t want to cause drama or make things worse, so, it takes him a little while and some long calls with his sister to know what to do. mick puts the poetry classes you two take a few months ago to good use and writes the most beautiful and romantic poem you and everyone would ever read. it is about you, about his love for you, about what you mean to him and everything he likes about you. he posts a little phrase to his instagram stories and sets a time and day for when it will be posted it. when the day cames and you get to read it, you end up crying again but for a whole different reason. it’s not that you didn’t know mick loved you but it’s the gesture, the time he spent doing it, the fact that he wanted to do it and wanted the whole world to read his love letter to you, something that will forever be there.
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© VERSTAPPEN-CULT ⎯ do not repost, translate, plagiarise or claim any of my works as your own.
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papercorgiworld · 2 months
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Can you forgive what he forgot?
Mattheo, Theodore and Enzo
You two break up, but then he takes a bad hit in a fight and forgets you two broke up. When he wakes up he immediately asks for you.
I loved this request, but for some reason it was a struggle to write. I battled words and phrases, but I got it written down! I must apologize. I hoped to write this for all Slytherin boys, but it was quite a big project so in the end I decided to stick with Mattheo, Theodore and Lorenzo. I hope it’s good… happy readings my sweet readers!
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I. The break up
“How dare you pick a fight with my friends? How many times have I told you to just stay away from them if you don’t like them.” Your boyfriend groans and rolls his eyes. In his book you were being irrational, again. “Maybe you should hang out with better people. Maybe friends that don’t want to break us up.” He says with a stern voice, while getting off of the couch and towering over you. “What?” You yell and run a frustrated hand over your face. “Break us up? In Merlin’s name, have you been drinking? Or are you really this delusional?” He grabs your arm and drags you to his room, so the rest of the common room doesn’t get to enjoy the little show. 
“I’m delusional? You’re the one believing everyone wants to be your friend and support your relationship and let’s all have hugs for breakfast and sing happy songs by a bonfire.” You lose it at his empty argument and grab a pillow throwing it at him. “I don’t know why I keep putting up with your shit!” You yell and you can feel tears welling up. He stares at you with a stern look. “Oh don’t worry about it anymore, because this ridiculous relationship is over!” You take a step back at his loud voice and there is a long silence as you both tremble in anger. Just before your boyfriend wants to speak up you swallow and bravely look up to him. “Fine.” His eyes widen as you turn around and open the door with a shaky hand. Say anything! Make her stay! Move! Don’t let her leave! Say something! His mind rages as he feels like all air has been ripped away, but no words come. The door closes behind you and you two are no longer together, just like that. Tears roll down your cheeks as you speed walk to your dorm and by the time you get there, your now ex-boyfriend still stands in the exact same spot: silent, frozen but in just as much pain as you are.
II. The fight
Mattheo
Walking through the hallway Cedric laughs loudly with his friends, before lowering his voice a little. “Did you hear (y/n) finally broke up with that moron.” Mattheo grits his teeth as he overhears the hufflepuff, why couldn’t people just mind their own business. “How long do you guys think I should wait before I, you know, can ask her out.” His friends chuckle, before responding. “A week.” “The girl needs time, you don’t want to come off too strong.” “Nah, she’s been done with him for a long time, she just didn’t dare break up with the psycho. Really, just ask her.” Cedric nods, taking in all the different opinions. “Yeah, she was probably terrified of him. I bet he treated her like crap. She deserves so much better.” Cedric’s words hurt Mattheo, because part of him feared that you really hated being with him.
Mattheo turns and heads for the opposite direction in an attempt to avoid the confrontation, but after two steps he grits his teeth and balls up his fists. Nope. You’re not asking her out. In one sudden move Mattheo turns around, eyes dead focused on the hufflepuff who was still chatting away with his friends. With one easy spell Mattheo pulls Cedric towards him. “You should be the one terrified of me.” Cedric can barely register Mattheo’s word before a fist hits him hard, making him stumble back and reach for his bleeding nose. Mattheo grabs Mattheo’s color, but before he can throw his second punch he feels himself fly across the hallway. 
Theodore
Walking through the hallway Cedric laughs loudly with his friends, before lowering his voice a little. “Did you hear (y/n) finally broke up with that moron.” Theodore's eyes go dark as they move to find Cedric in the hallway. “Oh, they broke up? Good for her. That prick was underneath her.” Cedric nods at his friend. “I’m thinking of asking her out.” At Cedric’s words Theodore’s eyes go from dark to dead. Normally he would’ve kept his cool longer, but Theo knew you had had a crush on Cedric until third year. “You should. She looked happy this morning.” “Totally, she’s not missing his toxic ass at all.” Theodore clenches his jaw. Sure he had his issues, he was aware of that, but he never manipulated you in any way. 
Before Theo’s fully aware of it he feels himself move towards the group of friends. With dead eyes and big steps he radiates anger. His large hand lands on one guy’s shoulder firmly pulling him back so Theo now stands in front of Cedric. “I’m thinking you should start minding your own business and keep your mouth shut about my relationship.” Any other day the hufflepuff would have chosen a peaceful way out but not today. “Your relationship? There is no relationship, you broke her heart.” In a split second, Theodore’s fist meets Cedric’s jaw, making the latter fall. As Cedric scrambles up Theo pushes away the ones trying to keep him at bay and throws another punch to which Cedric quickly reacts by pulling out his wand, sending Theodore crashing into a wall.
Enzo
Lorenzo was frustrated, frustrated with you for walking out and frustrated himself for letting you. Instead of being his usual happy self he was a stormy cloud drifting around Hogwarts scowling at everyone that so much as breathed in his direction. So when an already cranky Enzo hears the laughter of Cedric and his friends he’s eyes turn furious watching the happy lot carelessly banter. However, with his focus on the hufflepuff he overhears your name. “Cedric, did you hear (y/n) is single?” Cedric’s grins. “Yeah, I plan on asking her out sometime soon. I mean I’m not that surprised that it didn’t work out, they just weren’t a good fit.” Suddenly dropping his bag, Lorenzo struts in the directions of the group. “Hey, Diggory! You know what's a good fit?” The Hufflepuff was given zero time to calculate what was coming. “Your nose and my fist!” Enzo’s words are filled with hatred as Enzo’s fist breaks Cedric’s nose, making him stumble several steps back. 
Mattheo grins, liking this Enzo way more than the happy guy he usually was, but as he watches Lorenzo ball up his fist again he sees Cedric reach for his wand, before he can warn Enzo, he’s already flying several feet up to then crash harshly onto the stone castle floors. Everyone gasps hearing the loud tut and seeing Enzo’s body laying still.
III. The hospital wing
You had heard from Blaise what had happened and how bad it was, but even though your heart ached to be with him you were his ex and thus had lost every right to be by his side. With your head resting in your hand you picked at your food. Your friends stared at you, searching for the right thing to say. You’re about to snap at them and tell them that staring is impolite, but you catch Draco approaching you and signaling you to get up. Hesitant you walk over to him. “He’s asking for you.” He looks a bit awkward, but you nod calmly and try to act composed. As soon as you walk through the doors of the great hall and you’re out of sight, you speed walk to the hospital wing. Once in front of the door you feel yourself get shaky, fearing an uncomfortable reunion after the fight. Why did he even ask for me? Does he regret breaking up with me?
Mattheo
You walk in and Dumbledore looks up at you. “Ah, miss (y/l/n). Here to check up on mister Riddle?” You nod and he smiles. “I must warn you, when he fell he hit the floor pretty hard and his memory seems to be a little foggy.” At his words the need to be by Mattheo’s side becomes urgent and your eyes search for him. The headmaster gives you a sympathetic smile and moves to the side so you see Mattheo. As Dumbledore walks by you, he turns to you one last time. “Funny things, aren’t they, memories?” Your eyebrows knit together as you watch him leave, before quickly turning towards Mattheo whose eyes were already on you.
“Princess.” Mattheo mutters with a groggy voice and a half smile, when you get closer he opens his arms. You are hesitant for a moment, but allow him to embrace you. When he lets go a little you immediately take a step back, making him frown at  your distant behavior. With gentle fingers move through his curls so you can study the bruise on the side of his face. Never liking the idea of you seeing him hurt and maybe thinking he’s weak Mattheo reaches for your hand, pulling it towards his chest to rest there. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.” You shake your head at his stupid tough act. “Why did you ask for me, Matt?” His eyebrows knit together and he chuckles. “Please don’t be mad because I got in another stupid fight.” He snakes a hand to rest on your hips, gently squeezing you as a way to get you closer to him. He wants you close to him, like you always were, but you don’t budge and just frown at him.
“Please, princes. I made a bad fall, I don’t need any more attitude from you.” You cross your arms getting angry at how he pretended like everything was fine. “Please, (y/n), I promise no fights for a week.” You huff. A week, seriously, that's not even an achievement. But also not the point, Riddle. “I don’t care that you got your ass kicked. You dumped me, you can’t just expect me to come cuddle you because you’re hurt.” Mattheo looked horrified at your words. He was utterly confused. “Dumped? What are you talking about?” He moves to properly sit up on the bed and grabs your free hand, while keeping a firm grip on the hand on his chest. Something in the back of his mind was screaming at him to hold onto you tightly and make sure you didn’t leave the room. “Princess, I love you, I would never dump you.” Mattheo whispers and as he leans in to kiss you, you remember what Dumbledore had said.  He doesn’t remember that we broke up! His soft lips tenderly lock with yours, finally putting his mind at ease.
Theodore
You walk in and Dumbledore looks up at you. “Ah, miss (y/l/n). Here to check up on mister Nott?” You nod and he smiles. “I must warn you, when he fell he hit the floor pretty hard and his memory seems to be a little foggy.” At his words the need to be by Theodore’s side becomes urgent and your eyes search for him. The headmaster gives you a sympathetic smile and moves to the side so you see Theo. As Dumbledore walks by you, he turns to you one last time. “Funny things, aren’t they, memories?” Your eyebrows knit together as you watch him leave, before quickly turning towards Theodore who’s eyes were already on you.
When he notices how hesitant you are to walk towards him Theo sighs. Ever since he woke up he had this intense need to have you close to him. “(y/n), love. Don’t be mad at me. I don’t remember any of it, but I’m pretty sure Cedric deserved it.” You slowly approach him, studying the bruise near his temple. Blaise had told you how after being slammed into the wall Theodore brutally fell down, face smacking against the cold floor and the image horrified you, but seeing how painful colors covered his face made your heart squeeze in agony. “Why? Why always get into stupid fights?” You murmur and Theo stretches, almost falling out of the bed, so he can grab your hand and pull you closer. “I honestly don’t remember.” He whispers, chuckling softly, and pats on an open spot next to him, urging you to take a seat next to him. “Theo-” You sigh and look down at his hand, holding yours. “What’s wrong?” Theodore asks, fingers gently brushing your jaw as he begs for you to look at him. You snort at his stupid question. “We’re over remember, you said so. So why did you ask for me? Did you expect me to fall back into your arms just because you got into another stupid fight?” 
Theo pulls away from you and studies your face. “What are you saying? We’re over? When did I say something like that?” A heavy sigh leaves his lips and he moves the sheets aside, wanting to get out of bed and hug you. He needed to hold you. None of the things were making any sense and he kept feeling this urgent need to hold you. Your mouth drops a little at his words, but as soon as you see him try to get out of bed you stop him. “You need to rest.” You say pushing him gently. “No, I need to hold my girlfriend.” He counters and you’re sure you hear a little panic in his voice, like he really needed to hold you. “You don’t remember?” You whisper under your breath and Theo tries to make out the words you’re saying, but it was too silent so he just stares at you guessing at what’s going on inside your head. “Move aside.” You whisper and Theo complies, laying back down in the bed and relaxing when you join him. You quietly rest your head on his shoulder as your mind struggles to grasp the bizarre situation.
Enzo
You walk in and Dumbledore looks up at you. “Ah, miss (y/l/n). Here to check up on mister Berkshire?” You nod and he smiles. “I must warn you, when he fell he hit the floor pretty hard and his memory seems to be a little foggy.” At his words the need to be by Enzo’s side becomes urgent and your eyes search for him. The headmaster gives you a sympathetic smile and moves to the side so you see Lorenzo. As Dumbledore walks by you, he turns to you one last time. “Funny things, aren’t they, memories?” Your eyebrows knit together as you watch him leave, before quickly turning towards Enzo who’s eyes were already on you.
“(y/n)! Thank Salazar, you’re finally here. Please tell them that I’m fine. They want me to stay the night for supervision, but that’s just crazy.” You take a deep breath and walk towards him. “Is that why you asked me to come?” You question dryly, making Enzo frown. “No, I just missed you. I found it weird that you weren’t here by my side when I woke up. I know you’re a busy bee, but I thought at least your boyfriend deserved a little visit and maybe a massage.” Lorenzo wiggles his eyebrows at the last bid and you cross your arms giving him a stern look. “Boyfriend? Did you really think I would come back running into your arms because your dumbass got into a fight.” Enzo pushes himself off of the pillow, clearly not pleased with your words. “Yeah, boyfriend.” He grabs your arm, pulling you against the hospital bed. “What’s gotten into you? Please don’t tell me you’re picking Cedric’s side?” 
You huff and narrow your eyes at him. “Gotten into me? You told me you were done with me and-” Enzo shakes his head in confusion, while you talk, before interrupting you. “What? I’m not done with you, you’re my girl, you’ve always been the love of my life, why would you think any different?” Enzo swings his arm around your shoulder pulling you against his chest. As he places a soft kiss on your forehead you realize what Dumbledore tried to tell you. Enzo didn’t remember your break up. He still thinks we’re dating.
IV. Like it never happened 
You had tried to tell him about the fight, but his brain just couldn’t remember and neither did he believe that he would actually let you leave. After a while you just gave up on trying to convince him it really happened and gave in to his begging for affection. Cuddled up against him, you both fell asleep in the small hospital bed. The next morning you wake up first and stare at him for several minutes debating on what to do with the situation. He had broken your heart, but now he was back and you judged yourself for it, but in truth you were happy to have him back. 
When he woke up he pulled you closer and kissed you. "Good morning." He sang and in that moment you decided that you were suffering from memory loss as well. The break up did not happen.
***
Mattheo
“Can you believe that on my first day back Snape tells me to write a three page essay?” You nod, before joining your boyfriend on his bed and brushing your fingers through his hair. “It’s Snape, I think he was being nice.” You joke and he smiles, eyes admiring your every feature. “Are you here to help me or distract me?” Mattheo smirks as you again comb his hair with your fingers. “Help.” You state before pulling away from him and reaching for some of the books scattered around on his bed. However, now that you are this close to him, Snape’s essay is the last thing on the slytherin’s mind. He snakes an arm around your waist, pulling you closer against him, and you shake your head. “No, Matt, I know what you’re thinking about, but you need to finish your essay first.” You try to pull away, but he just tightens his grip and his smirk turns into a playful grin. “What am I thinking about exactly, princess?” You force your lips into a line, not giving him the satisfaction of a smile. 
“I’m not going to entertain your little game, Mattheo.” You resist his charm, but he’s persistent and pulls you into his lap. His lips brush your ear and you can’t see his smirk, but you know it’s there. Your cheeks heat up as you feel his warm breath on your skin. “Tell me, princess, what exactly am I thinking?” Your answer is censored.
Theodore
A very frustrated Theo drops two books onto the library table loud enough to make some people throw him a look, but he just ignores it falling in one of the chairs and sighing. You ruffle his hair in an attempt to calm him. “It’s only three pages.” Theodore lets his head fall to the side as he watches you sit down next to him. “He’s punishing me for missing class, but it’s not like it was my intention to lose consciousness and miss class.” You ignore his complaint and reach for the books. “Let's just get started. The sooner you’re done, the sooner we can do something fun.” Theodore watches you as you focus on the books, feeling drawn to you he leans in. “How about we do something fun first and then I’ll do this stupid essay.” A flustered smile tugs on your lips at his seductive voice. “You might’ve hit your head pretty hard, but you’re still the same boy as before.” You mutter trying to keep your cool and focus on the books in front of you. 
“Boy?” Theodore’s voice is playful, but there’s also something twisted about it. You had struck a nerve by belittling him like that. Without warning he gets up, gently wrapping his hand around your arm. You look up at him with a confused look. “Before I start on this essay there’s something more important I need to do.” You get up and follow in his step. “What’s this urgent thing you suddenly need to do?” You whisper still clueless. “You.” Thedore answers sternly before pushing you into a nearby broom closet. “Boy? Really?” He snaps at you before harshly crashing his lips onto yours in the dark confined space.
Enzo
“Will you read my essay and check for mistakes?” Enzo asks while you watch the water of the black lake. You look over at him as he reaches in his bag for the parchment. “Essay?” You question. “Yeah, Snape made me write a three page essay because I missed class yesterday. Like it was my fault, if anything Cedric should write a three page essay.” You snort, knowing full well that Enzo was the one that started the fight. He hands you the essay and you immediately dig in, scanning the words carefully. Your boyfriend can’t help but stare as you underline a few words. You looked drop dead gorgeous in the sunlight, intensly focussed on the paper in front of you. Gods, my girlfriend’s a sexy nerd.
“On second thought.” Enzo whispers in your ear, leaning closer. “Maybe that essay isn’t that important after all.” You bite your lip, feeling your face heat up at Enzo’s closeness. “How about we go for a swim?” Enzo reaches for the paper, but you don’t let go, trying to resist him. However, your boyfriend knows exactly how to get your attention and he places tender kisses under your ear, tracing down your neck before his nose brushes your cheek. “Or we could just go to my room.” His husky whisper and his soft touch turn you into a willing victim for whatever he has planned.
V. Morning memories
Your boyfriend shoots up from a nasty dream. With his heart racing he immediately looks next to him to check if you’re with him. You are. You are peacefully sleeping and he feels his body relax. His hand runs over his face and through his hair as he tries to wrap his head around what he had just dreamed or remembered. Slowly he realizes that it wasn’t just a dream, it was something that had actually happened. 
You two had a fight. You left. He felt so empty. Then there was Cedric. Next the fall. 
He can’t get his heart rate down and his brain is running wild as well, so he decides to quietly get up, careful to not wake you up. He slips into his sweatpants and leaves the room, sighing once he’s finally away from your sleeping figure. He scans the common room in search of his friends. When doesn’t spot a single one of the usual suspects he frowns and Pansy patiently waits for him to meet her eyes. Finally his eyes land on Pansy. “The rest of your boy band is out.” A smirk on her face as she shamelessly scans his bare chest. She wasn’t going to deny that you had great physical taste in men. “You look distressed.” She adds after a few seconds. The wise thing for him was to turn around, but your boyfriend is in need of a distraction as he feels himself panic, worried about the whole break up situation. 
“No stress.” He says, obviously stressed and crosses his arms. “Afraid she’ll figure out.” Pansy tilts her head slowly, eyes dangerous like she’s settling on a prey. He clenches his jaw. How does she know I suddenly remember? “She won’t. We’re back together and all is fine. There’s no need for her to know that I remember.” Pansy smirks. “Would it hurt that bad to admit you made a mistake and want her back?” 
Mattheo
“We’re happy. So why waste time on pointless arguments and apologies, she’s obviously already forgiven me.” Mattheo argues, slightly raising his voice, annoyed with Pansy. “I don’t know if she’s forgiven you for the fight, but if I were I would come clean, because if she finds out you remember you’ll have to apologize twice and big time.” Mattheo grits his teeth. “She won’t find out if you don’t tell.” Pansy licks her lips and her eyes wander over Mattheo’s shoulder. “Oh, Matt, don’t you know that things are never that simple.” 
It only takes Mattheo a second to realize that Pansy’s looking over his shoulder in the direction of his room. You had woken up and come to search for him. You had heard everything he had said. Slowly his eyes roll to the back of his head, throwing his head back a little in frustration with himself. Apologize twice and big time. He turns around, but your eyes only meet for a moment as you instantly turn around to head back to his room to get your stuff and get out. 
But this time Mattheo wasn’t going to let you go. He follows you and shuts the door behind you, locking you in his room as he rests against the door watching you grather your stuff. “I’m sorry.” He whispers with his head hanging low. “Oh, now you apologize.” You huff and Mattheo groans, pushing himself off of the door and into your direction. “Princess.” He whines and you turn around to face him with teary eyes. “Were you really going to continue lying?” You ask with a shaky voice and Mattheo sighs, reaching for your hands. “Probably.” You want to turn away from him, but he holds on tightly to your hands, squeezing them to ask you to look at him. “I’ll do anything to keep you with me. I don’t want to lose you.” You pull your hands back and try to push him away. “Everything, except being honest and apologizing?” You snap and he bites his tongue, while shutting his eyes for a second. “I let you walk away! I called our relationship ridiculous! How can an apology make up for that?! (y/n), I don’t just want you to forgive me I want you to forget just like I did, because I hate what I said, I hate that I let you walk through this door.”
His loud voice has you shaking a bit, but you stay in place in front of him and he sighs, looking at you with soft eyes. “I don’t- I honestly don’t know how you can put up with my shit? I can’t forgive myself- I really don’t get why you came back to me? So yeah, I wanted to continue pretending like none of it happened. I’m sorry.” You sigh and shake your head, eyes wandering around as you struggle with his stupid explanation. “I want you back. I love you.” Mattheo whispers with a pleading voice as he takes a small step towards you, he wants to reach for your hands but doesn’t dare to, so his fingers just softly brush yours. With an angry huff you turn away from him and his heart breaks, but then he sees you drop your stuff on his bed and turn back around to face him. “I love you too, Mattheo Riddle, and you should know by now that I love you so much that I can forgive the stupid stuff you do.” In an instant Mattheo’s smiling, almost grinning, he closes the distance between you two and his arms snake around you. A gentle hand brushes your hair as he adores your pretty face and drowns in your eyes. “You’re staying?” You nod and he cups your face kissing you intensely. 
Theodore
“Yeah, it would, Pansy.” Theodore snaps and Pansy grins looking back to him. A hard noise makes Theodore turn around to face the door of his room. “Oh, Theodore, you screwed up big time.” He turns around looking at Pansy for confirmation. “She heard everything.” Theodore hurries back to his room where you are quickly gathering your uniform so you can leave. As soon as you spot him you throw the first item at hand in his direction, but he gracefully catches it. “Twat!” You yell and Theodore sighs, dropping his head. “Why can’t you just apologize like a normal person, Theo?” Theodore walks over to you and grabs your arm forcing you to look at me. “You had already forgiven me so I thought, done is done.” You frown at his cheap argument. “Really? You wanted to take the easy way out?” Theo huffs at the accusation. “So did you by just coming back to me.” Your mouth drops, was he really turning this on you. “Well, I’m sorry for that, but your bruised dumb ass just wouldn’t believe that we broke up!” You angrily pull your arm back out of Theodore’s grasp, stumbling back a few steps. 
When you try to walk past him he takes a step to block you. You try to give him a shove, but it’s to no avail, he won’t budge. Quietly he waits for you to meet his eyes. When you do you notice how soft his eyes are. “I’m sorry, (y/n). I’m sorry I wanted to continue pretending like it didn’t happen, but I was so afraid that if you knew I remembered you would leave. If my memories were back there was no need for you to babysit me anymore and I can’t watch you leave a second time.” You narrow your eyes at him. “Theodore Nott you can be such an- an- urgh!” You were so annoyed with him you couldn’t find the words. “I’m an urgh?” Theo questions and now you're seriously considering punishing him in the face. When he sees you get angrier he grimaces at his own comment. “I know, I know, I’m a total urgh.” This seems to calm you down. “I’m sorry. I just want to forget about the break up again and I want you to forget as well, because I need you, I love you so much that I need you. I plan to grow old with you so yeah I thought pretending like the break up didn’t happen was a good idea.” You cross your arms. “It was a stupid idea.” You say with a stern voice and Theodore nods with sheepish eyes. “I know.” 
You sigh and now that you’re both calm, Theo wraps his arms around you pulling you against his chest. “Please tell me you can forgive me?” You listen to his heartbeat for a moment, before pulling away. “You’re lucky I love you. This was a total urgh move and I’m still a bit angry, but I forgive you.” Your boyfriend smiles and places a soft kiss on your forehead, before pulling your chin up with a gentle finger. “Thanks for putting up with me.” He whispers before leaning in for a passionate kiss.
Enzo
“Why would I apologize? I got her back didn’t I?” Enzo states, rather proud of himself and Pansy gives him a funny look. “That’s a bit cheap, don’t you think? Breaking up with a girl, breaking her heart and then not even apologizing for it.” Pansy offers Enzo one last chance to decide to do the right thing as you listen, quietly standing near the door of his room. “Pans, she’s never going to figure it out, this way is just easier.” Pansy facepalms. “Enz, you’re about to get your ass dumped.” Pansy sighs and points to the door of his room open. Panic fills Enzo’s face as he realizes you might have heard something and he hurries to his room. When he notices you’re switching from your pajamas into your uniform he closes the door and chuckles awkwardly. “In a hurry?” He asks and you throw him a dark scowl. Okay, she heard. I’m such an idiot. “Thinking back about what I just said, I realize that maybe it wasn’t the best approach.” You roll your eyes at his attempt at an apology, before searching his room for your shirt, which Enzo spots before you and hides behind his back. 
“Lorenzo Berkshire! Give me back my shirt!” You say with a loud and stern voice, making Enzo nervous. “Please, sweetheart give me a chance to apologize.” You cross your arms and judge him. “I thought you didn’t want to apologize?” Your voice is dripping with irony and Enzo makes an apologetic face. “Yeah, but on second thought I think I should apologize, big time.” You tilt your head and stare him right in the eyes. “I’m sorry, (y/n). I so so so am.” Enzo pleads as he walks closer to you. “I’m just so happy we’re back together and I just wanted things to stay this way. You don’t get how much I love you. I’m miserable without you and I was afraid that if I would bring up the fight- if you knew I got my memories back then maybe we would be over again and- and- I love you, please don’t leave me.” 
You open your hand, urging him to give your shirt back and Enzo drops his shoulders, but with an aching heart he does give it back. “I’m sorry for forcing you to stay.” You take your shirt and look at Lorenzo’s sad eyes. “You’re an idiot, Berkshire.” He nods. “I know. I told the love of my life that our relationship was ridiculous and then I let her leave.” You smile at him as he looks at the floor. “But I can’t help but love you.” At those words Enzo looks up at you with hopeful eyes. “Are you forgiving me?” You chuckle. “I guess so. I love you too much.” You take a step closer to him. “Too much to stay angry at you.” A bright smile forms on Enzo’s lips, while he picks you up and twirls you around. You can’t help but laugh at how silly he is and when he sets you down again he kisses you. “We’re never breaking up again, ever.” He whispers and you nod.
Dear readers, feedback is always welcome. Sending you lots of love.
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hedgehog-moss · 10 months
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I was trying to get my donkey to eat the weeds around my vegetable garden (under strict supervision so he wouldn't pretend to mistake my rhubarb for a weed) and I got a visit from two people on bicycles, who said they were staying at a campsite and cycling from farm to farm trying to find information about their ancestors, who according to family documents, lived in this region in the 1600s. Like a genealogy-themed holiday—that's a fun idea. I told them the name of the family who owned my land in the late 1700s and said I didn't have info beyond that, but they should try the nearby monastery, whose nuns wrote a book about local families, using historical photographs & archives found in schools and town halls. They were very happy with the tip.
The monastery is a nice hiking destination (you've got to follow this eerie road that I love) and the nuns have a tiny shop where they sell homemade gingerbread and jams as well as painted eggs, one time I took a friend on that hike and we stopped to buy rose petal jam and an egg from them and a nun showed us that book they'd written and told us about their interest in local archives, so I think they'll be delighted to help these visitors. I'm myself delighted because it's kind of a milestone when you live alone in the woods, to be validated in your role as a forest creature by strangers on a journey asking you to provide them with the information they need to complete their quest. Looking back on it I only wish I'd phrased my answer as a riddle, and issued a tempting warning not to touch the mysterious glyph engraved on a rock by the side of the road (I need to go engrave one first)
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moonlightspencie · 25 days
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darling, i fancy you
Description: James Potter is in his second year of university. He's with his friends, having the time of his life! His only problem... a horrible, evil, beautiful, wonderful girl who doesn't seem to return the feelings he's developing for her. His dramatics and flirtatious antics usually work. He just can't quite figure out how to hook this girl.
Pairing: James Potter x Reader
Warnings: drinking, idiots to lovers, reader is described as american in one line because what is fanfiction if not a bit of self-service on occasion
Word Count: 8.2k
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Coming into his second year of university was supposed to be fun. He was no longer jittery or nervous about classes since he’d already been there and done that for a full year. Besides, he was James Potter. Of course he had gotten down the routines like they were nothing to him. It was easy as pie. Now, as he brimming with confidence, he was looking forward to seeing old friends, and meeting new ones. It seemed bright and exciting: and it was, so far! 
Until his second day.
James walked into his final Thursday afternoon class and sat in a seat near the front. He might enjoy goofing off here and there, but he’d be damned if he was going to do any less than stellar in his classes. The class filled fairly quickly, seats being taken all around him. He barely noticed when a girl sat in the seat next to him as he pulled out a notebook and a pen. Until he turned with a small smile that melted off his face as quickly as it arrived. 
“Great,” he grumbled under his breath. 
She looked in the direction of the utterance curiously, blissfully unaware that one of the last few open seats, and the one she just had to choose, was right next to James Potter. 
“Perfect,” she muttered bitterly, shaking her head. “I suppose you’re going to try to get me to convince my roommate to fall in love with you again, yeah?”
“Not after last time.”
She scoffed a laugh. “Oh, yeah? Why’s that?”
“Because you’re selfish and don’t care about the happiness and general wellbeing of others.”
“Right. As if your happiness should be my number one priority,” she rolled her eyes. “You’re insufferable.”
James turned his head to her abruptly, feeling quite put off that she’d say such a thing. Him, insufferable? He thought it might do her some good to do a bit of self reflection, and had told her as much last year. It didn’t do any good, obviously, considering she was still just as irritating as ever. 
“She’s dating someone anyway. So you’re out of luck,” she said, seeming quite pleased with herself. 
James was annoyed again. “Dating someone? Great. That could’ve been me if you weren’t so horrible, and now I’ve got to wait until they inevitably break up to—”
“She’s dating a girl, so good luck with that plan of yours, Potter.”
James blinked in surprise. He supposed he never exactly saw Lily with a boy before. But… But he liked her so she couldn’t possibly be interested in girls. What a silly notion, he thought. 
“You’re sure?”
She stared at him for a moment. ���Uh… yeah. Pretty sure.”
James hummed in thought. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know until summer,” she shrugged. “She came out to me shortly before she told me she’d been asked out by her current girlfriend.”
“How odd.”
“Excuse me?” she asked, looking at him with a bewildered expression. 
His eyes widened. “No! Not like that. I just… I didn’t realize. I just assumed—”
“Careful how you phrase things, maybe,” she said, looking at him a little suspiciously. 
He nodded quickly. “Right.”
He fell silent for a moment. A few blissful seconds that she basked in. Until he opened his mouth again.
“I just…” he said, then sighed. He thought for a couple seconds. “I don’t think I’ve ever not been able to win someone over before. And this seems pretty bleak for me, doesn’t it?” 
She snorted a laugh, nodding. “Yeah. More than bleak, I’d say.”
James smiled a little, then internally scolded himself. There was no reason to laugh at a joke a girl like her made. How terrible. He was better than that. He straightened in his seat, determined to ignore her now that he really had no use for her with his precious Lily too far out of reach for even him to pull in, all things considered. He pouted for a bit, feeling terribly sorry for himself as the class started. He took his notes, of course, but not without sighing every five minutes or so. 
“Can you cut that out?” 
James looked offended again, glancing at the girl. 
“Cut what out?” he whispered back. 
“The constant sighing. It’s irritating.”
“I’m upset.”
She rolled her eyes, going back to taking notes. He fell silent, but only for a few seconds. 
“You try finding out the girl you’re in love with is gay.”
“For me, that would actually work out.”
James rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“Get over it,” she said after a beat. 
He glared at her, then went back to his notes. Again, really only for a few seconds. 
“Wait. Are you gay, too?”
“So what if I am? That’s not really your business, is it?” 
“I— Maybe not. But I’m curious,” James said, looking at her. 
“Stop talking.”
“I just wanna know.”
“You sound like a child,” she sighed, exasperated. “You’re distracting me.”
James gave her one more sour look before turning back to his notes. He was feeling quite annoyed now. Maybe it wasn’t necessarily ‘his business’ what her sexuality was, but he couldn’t help but be curious. Why was that his fault? He couldn’t quite figure it out. He waited until the class ended this time to turn to her again. 
“I don’t mean to intrude—”
“I’m sure you will, though,” she stated. 
James sighed. “You’re so difficult. I’m only curious. I don’t mean anything by it.”
She huffed a breath, then looked at him straight on. He raised his brows in question, hoping she might answer if he tried looking innocent enough. She shook her head. 
“It’s a bit of a rude question, you know?”
“How?” he asked, feeling a little offended. 
“It’s personal.”
“Well I—“ James started to argue, though his voice died. His eye twitched slightly as he thought about it for a few seconds. “Okay. I guess… I guess that makes sense. I just thought it was, like, knowing your hair color or something like that.”
“Personally, it’s something I usually only discuss with my friends. Not with a strange boy who I’ve only spoken to when he decided he liked my roommate.”
“That’s mean.”
“We aren’t friends.”
“It’s still mean,” James said, standing up with his bag. 
She did the same. 
“It’s honest.”
James pouted a little. “I’m only trying to make conversation.”
She looked at him for a moment, and he looked right back, his hand on the strap of his bag. He quirked a brow when she was silent for a second. 
“I’ll see you around,” she said at last, not unkindly, but definitely not in a friendly manner. 
Of course, James had to relay this ridiculous interaction to his roommates when he got back to his flat. He sprawled out on the couch, his hand flipping off the side to touch the floor and his cheek pressed against the cushions. 
“She’s evil. There’s something in her that isn’t right. I’m sure of it.”
Sirius furrowed his brow. He’d been hearing about James’s plights with this woman since last year. It always seemed that his buttons got pushed so easily by her, and Sirius couldn’t help but wonder how on earth James kept getting himself into these situations
He sighed softly, leaning back into the armchair to the left of James, a hand running through his long, dark hair before settling over his face.
 “You’ve been dramatic plenty of times before, Prongs, but this might be a new height you’ve climbed to,” Sirius said, his voice slightly muffled through his hand. 
“Mm. Not quite evil to keep that sort of thing to yourself. I don’t run around campus advertising that I’m queer,” Remus added, walking into the living room with a cup of tea. 
Remus settled on the ground near Sirius’s chair, leaning his back into the arm of it as he stretched his long legs out. He did plan on doing so on the couch, but it seemed that James had beaten him to it with his dramatics. 
“That’s not what I mean,” James groans. “It’s how she acted. I don’t care if she keeps that to herself, but she didn’t have to be so mean to me. It’s like she delights in making me feel stupid.”
Peter laughed from the chair across the way from Sirius’s. “It’s not always hard to do.”
James scowled at the boy, but before he could say something back, Sirius sighed loudly. 
“James. Just back off of the girl.”
James turned to Sirius. “What do you mean?”
“If you ignore her, she’ll ignore you.”
“How do you know?”
“Because she probably finds you just as irritating as you find her,” Remus says pointedly. 
“You guys are supposed to be on my side,” James says.
His friends all exchange a look, then stare back at him. 
Sirius leans forward on his chair to come to eye-level with James. 
“James. You are like a brother to me. I love you dearly. But leave the poor girl alone before she hits you.”
James buried his face in the couch cushion and groaned loudly in protest. Maybe they were right, but he didn’t have to like it. He knew he was being dramatic and probably a bit annoying, but he couldn’t help it. He hadn’t met someone who got under his skin so easily in a long time, and he didn’t like it. After a few minutes, he lifted his head, looking at his friends. He didn’t like to upset them, and he was afraid if he kept this up, that he might do just that. 
“You guys want to go get dinner on me?” he offered. 
They smiled, Sirius in particular shaking his head at his friend in amusement. James felt a little better then as he scrambled off the couch. 
James’s first encounter with the girl of his dreams, who he begrudgingly accepted no longer could be, happened a few days later. He walked into a café just off of campus to get a little fuel for his first essay of the semester when he saw a familiar head of red hair. His first instinct, of course, was to rush her with a smile and that classic Potter-charm of his… but then he deflated. 
There she was: the wretched girl who had stolen his dear Lily from him. He looked sour for a moment, then sighed, shrugging it off internally. He supposed that he couldn’t really be mad since he wasn’t also a girl, so Lily wouldn’t like him no matter what. 
But if he was, he was determined he’d be very upset about the whole ordeal. 
He sat down at a table across the small coffee shop, inadvertently staring at Lily and her girlfriend. He had to admit: the girl she was dating was very pretty. And they did seem happy together. But it was still a little bit annoying. He hardly paid attention to someone approaching with his drink until he heard an unfortunately-familiar voice. 
“I would tell you that a picture would last longer, but I don’t think I can condone borderline-stalking my roommate,” the girl said, setting his latte down in front of him. 
He looked up at her in a bit of surprise. She just seemed to pop up everywhere. 
“What are you doing here?” he asked. 
She looked down at her apron, then back at him with a puzzled expression. 
“I— I work here?” she stated, shaking her head a bit. “Thought you may have gathered that from me bringing you your drink and wearing an apron.” 
He deadpanned, unamused. “I just didn’t expect to see you here is all. It’s like you’re everywhere.”
“It’s been like a week and half and we’ve seen each other twice,” she said, huffing a breath at his dramatics. “Anyway. Is there anything else you need, besides maybe a magazine or a blindfold?”
“Why would I need those?” he asked, immediately annoyed. 
She pointedly looked at Lily and her girlfriend, then back at James. He made a face of realization, then chuckled a little despite his better judgment. 
“Oh. No. I’ll stop staring, I’m just…”
She paused waiting for him to finish, but it didn’t seem like he was going to. She nodded slowly after a beat.
“Well… it’s been a pleasure as always.”
James nodded, but then he leaned forward to grab her wrist. “Wait.”
She turned around, giving him a look that told him to let go immediately. 
“Sorry,” he said quickly, dropping her wrist. “Just wanted to ask if you got that western civilization assignment done for tomorrow.” 
“Tomorrow? Tomorrow is Tuesday.”
He raised a brow. “Yeah. It’s a Tuesday-Thursday class.”
She paused, looking a little lost. “What?”
“It’s on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. The assignment is supposed to be done for tomorrow’s class.”
“You’re joking.”
James shook his head. “No. Why would I be?”
“Shit,” she sighed heavily, throwing her head back. “How hard is it to do?”
“Not hard, but it took some time.”
She groaned. “God, I feel so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid. Just forgetful, obviously,” James laughed. 
She did not look amused. “Right. Well… Fuck. Thanks for the heads up, then.”
James looked quite pleased with himself. He actually got a ‘thank you’ out of her. He nodded quickly. 
“What would you do without me?” he smirked.
She glanced at him, looking somehow even more unimpressed. James didn’t like that look. 
“I’d have missed one class. Don’t give yourself too much credit.”
James watched her walk off, feeling annoyed once again. It’s like she couldn’t help but ruin his mood every time they talked. He sipped his latte, and suddenly felt more irritated: this might have been one of the best latte’s he’d ever had, and she just had to work there. Great. 
He kept his eyes on the girl as she walked back behind the counter, getting started on whatever task came next for her. She seemed to be making some kind of drink. He watched her as she flitted around back there easily, taking note of the way she’d occasionally scrunch her nose in a weak attempt to adjust her glasses as her hands were full. He took in every detail of her outfit that he could see from the other side of the counter: a simple black t-shirt and jeans that looked annoyingly good on her. Like it wasn’t enough to be irritating all the time, she had to be pretty, too. How was he supposed to just ignore her completely? He scoffed to himself at Sirius’s stupid advice as he sipped at his drink again.
That same thought snuck into his head as she walked into class the next day, dropping into that same seat right next to him. He took note of her slightly messy hair, and the crewneck sweatshirt that hung on her a little loosely. He looked at her nails as she pulled out her laptop, smiling a little at the baby blue that was painted on them. He liked blue quite a lot. He was in the middle of looking at the minimal makeup on her face, especially the gloss on her lips, when she just had to interrupt him.
“What are you doing?” she asked, looking at him as if he’d grown a second head.
“None of your business,” he replied quite defensively.
“You’re staring at me. It feels like my business, Potter.”
He rolled his eyes. Why did she always have to be so difficult? It’s like she had fun making him feel like an idiot.
“I wasn’t staring. I was observing.”
She sighed, softly, shaking her head as she went back about her business, logging into her laptop. He tried really hard to remember what Sirius had told him and just ignore her as well as he could, but it wasn’t exactly his fault that she had a photo of herself and some guy on her computer.
“I thought you were gay?” he said curiously.
She turned her head to him slowly, and if he thought she looked at him like he was stupid before, it was nothing compared to how she looked now.
“What?” 
“I thought you said you were gay,” he clarified, though it made nothing clearer for her. He pointed at her laptop background, “but, there’s a boy with you on your computer.”
“I never said I was gay. I said it wasn’t your business if I was or not.”
“But you must not be if you have a boyfriend.”
“Ugh,” she groaned. “That’s my brother, nosey. And I’m not gay.”
“Thought you said that wasn’t my business?”
“I’m going to slap you.”
“That’s what Sirius said,” James replied, though it was mostly to himself.
She snorted once. “Your friends are telling you you’re gonna get hit by someone?”
“By you,” he corrected.
Now, this piqued her interest. She looked at him curiously.
“Your friends tell you that I am going to slap you? Why?”
“I told them we don’t really get along. Sirius thinks I should just ignore you.”
“You’re doing a shit job of it,” she laughed a little.
He wanted to be annoyed, but he couldn’t help but smile a bit back at her. She had a nice laugh. He thought to himself that maybe he’d like to hear it more. It would certainly be better than the grating sound of her always being annoyed with him.
“Can’t help it if I’m curious.”
“You can help if you’re peering over my shoulder at my personal laptop.”
“I’d hardly call it peering. Plus you have a large screen, it’s easy to see.”
She cracked another small smile against her better judgment, and decided on ignoring him the rest of the class. It didn’t work. At all.
“So…” James started up when the professor decided on padding the rest of the class time with an ‘opportunity’ to get a headstart on the next assignment. “Did you end up finishing that assignment that was due today.”
“Clearly.”
James furrowed his brow. “Huh? How is that clear?”
“I’m a mess. I look like I just rolled out of bed, because I practically did in order to finish the assignment today before the rest of my classes. I haven’t even been in my apartment since like eight this morning.”
James still looked on in a bit of confusion, glancing over at her again, taking in her appearance. Sure, she wasn’t extremely put together, but she still looked pretty. James, ever the one to speak exactly what’s on his mind, decided on telling her that.
“I think you look really pretty today.”
She swallowed once, looking at him in a moment of mild shock. She usually wasn’t one to clam up around anyone, but she certainly was now, and James took notice.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything…”
“No. No, it isn’t that. I just…” she trailed off, then shook her head. “Nevermind. Just… work on your assignment. It’s what we’re meant to be doing anyways.”
“Oh. Right. Sorry,” James nodded, feeling a little bad now that he’d apparently made her uncomfortable.
Though, as much as it was a sense of discomfort that she felt at his compliment, there was also much more to it. Not that she would ever tell him that. No, it was much worse than the normal annoyance she felt for the boy when he looked her up and down and gave her that sweet smile. It was terrible and evil and made her face a bit warm. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, his cheek smushed in his hand nearly making her smile being all the more evidence: she was developing a crush on James Potter.
James was in the process of waking up on a cold Saturday morning in early October. Usually he’d be able to pull himself out of bed somewhat easily, only really needing a good shower to get his blood pumping for the day ahead. The ‘process’ part came into play as a rare, true hangover made him feel both dizzy and like a rock stuck in bed. 
He wasn’t a stranger to a late night of drinking with his friends, or a party here and there while he was at school. Even in his highschool days, he would sometimes sneak out from under his parents’ watchful eyes with Sirius to go live it up for a night. But it rarely resulted in an actual hangover. Sometimes a headache, occasionally he’d throw up before bed, but this? This was hell on earth. He was convinced. It certainly didn’t help that he hardly remembered past drink number seven the night prior. He decided on not letting the frat boys fill his cup anymore.
After an hour of laying in bed, he finally decided that it might be time to at least try to join the world of the living. He rolled off of his mattress, shuffling into the bathroom to take a cool shower. He effectively did as much, only having to bend over the toilet bowl to empty his stomach twice! He was quite proud of himself for that, considering he felt nauseous the entirety of the shower. He stumbled back into his room, haphazardly drying off his body and hair before slipping into a sweater, jeans, and a warm coat. He slipped on his boots, grabbed his keys, and walked out the front door. He thought that maybe his favorite cafe would have something to lift his spirits and fill his now-empty stomach. He also thought that maybe a certain girl might be working. That would definitely lift his spirits.
He walked into the cafe around 11am, finding it surprisingly empty for a Saturday afternoon. He had started making a habit of visiting the place probably more often than he needed to. He knew the usual flow at this point.
He frowned when his favorite table was taken, and ended up dropping into a seat near the back by a window after he had ordered. He sat his order number marker on the table, and waited for a familiar face to show. He started to smile when he saw his coffee and a chocolate pastry being set in front of him, but it dropped as he looked up to see a less familiar man. He thanked him anyway, despite the fact that he was quite disappointed. He picked at his pastry, and sipped his drink, letting the carbs and caffeine make him feel a bit like a human being again after such a rough night. He decided to stick around for a while after he finished both, just sitting and thinking. He always liked being alone with his thoughts, but they seemed to flow a little better with the hum of something in the background. A cafe full of people did the trick for the day. After an hour or so of staring out the window, he decided he could use another cup of coffee.
He went to wait to order behind a small line of people, fiddling on his phone until he was finally called up to order next. A smile grew on his face when he saw who was taking orders now.
“Hi!” he said to her cheerily.
“Oh. James. Hi,” she said, a little surprised to see him. “What can I get you?”
“You weren’t here earlier. I got here a little past 11, and some guy brought me my drink.”
“Yeah. I just got in at 12. So… what do you want to drink?”
James ignored her question with another smile. “How long are you working today? Don’t you normally come in earlier?”
“Five hour shift today,” she said with a small sigh. “I just didn’t start early this time.”
“Oh. Well, it’s good you’re here now. I’d have hated to admit that I might have missed you when I saw you in class on Tuesday.”
She fought a smile at that, determined to remain irritated at him.
“Are you going to order? You’re kind of holding up the line.”
“Right!” he exclaimed suddenly, looking up at the menu as if he didn’t get the same thing every time.
“Do you just want your usual?”
James stilled at that. She knew his normal order? He smiled a bit to himself, trying not to seem too delighted at that fact. But he shook his head quickly, even though that’s exactly what he planned on getting.
“What’s your favorite drink?”
“I like the lavender oatmilk latte.”
“Lavender? In coffee?” He made a sour face.
“James,” she said, somewhat shortly as he dawdled. 
“I’ll have one of those, then.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah. But if it’s gross, I’m blaming you.”
She smirked a little as she shook her head, typing in the order.
“Alright. It’s in,” she said, nodding to the side for him to get out of the way. 
“But I didn’t pay.”
“It’s on me,” she replied. But, she continued before he could think it was too sweet, “It’ll get you out of the way faster.” 
He nodded, giving her a thanks with a shy smile. He went back to his seat, expecting that same wretched boy to come back out instead of her with his drink. Though it certainly took a long time for him to do so. Just as James was looking over his shoulder to see what was taking so long, he saw that same familiar face coming towards him with a mug of coffee. He smiled up at her as she set down the mug.
“I thought you were on the register.”
“I was.”
“But you just had to come see me, right?”
She scoffed a laugh, rolling her eyes. “Enough out of you. I came to ask about the test on Tuesday.”
“Oh?” he asked, looking down into the coffee she brought. It didn’t look gross, at the very least, but he still wasn’t sure about lavender in his coffee.
“I can’t find my notes from two weeks ago anywhere. Do you think I could borrow yours by any chance?”
“You want to borrow my notes?”
“You can be an idiot sometimes, but you’re not stupid. Unfortunately, you are actually really smart under that…” she gestures vaguely at him. “You know. Your whole vibe.”
“Hey!” he exclaimed, pouting a little.
“It’s a compliment.”
“Still mean. I thought you Americans were supposed to be nice.”
“I think you’re thinking of Canada, but I mean it in a nice way.”
He huffed a small sigh, tilting his head as he looked up at her. She tried not to look at him for too long, sure she’d start grinning for real this time. Why did he have to be so handsome? And so annoying. And ridiculously charming. She merely quirked a brow at his silent tantrum, waiting for him to speak again.
“I guess. You can have my notes, but you have to come get them from me at my apartment.”
“You can’t just email them to me?”
He smiled. “Nope. I take ‘em on paper. You can come get them.”
“It would be easier to take a photo of them.”
“I want my roommates to have to meet the girl who hates me so much anyways. They’ve been dying to properly see you without me having to point you out across campus.”
“You talk about me a lot?” she asks with a little smirk, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Enough,” he smiles at her brightly. “Come on. Just humor me.”
“I don’t have your address,” she argued weakly.
He laughed a bit at that. God, she was adorable when she was being difficult.
“Give me your phone, then.”
“What for?”
“I’m going to put my address in. And my phone number so I don’t always have to try to catch you here or in class when I want to talk to you.”
“Who says I want to talk to you?”
“I think you secretly like me.”
“I think you’re annoying.”
“I think you secretly like me, even though I’m annoying. You’re trying to tell me I’m not a delight to be around?”
She sighed softly, clinging hard onto that small sliver of irritation, even if it didn’t do much good against the boy. She pulled out her phone, unlocking it and handing it over to him. She watched as he typed in all his information, and even took a cheesy little selfie for his contact photo. 
“No, no, no…” she said, trying to take her phone back when he started messaging himself.
He put out his arm with a giddy grin, blocking her from getting the phone back as he continued on his path with the other hand.
“How else was I meant to get your number?” he giggled, hitting send and handing the device back to her. “Just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t be the only one with the option to contact me. If you were the only one of us who could text, we’d never get the ball rolling on a proper friendship.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be your friend,” she snorted once, pocketing her phone again. “You’re a nuisance.”
“I’ll see you tonight then, right?” He ignored her poor insult. “To get the notes, I mean.”
She fell quiet for a moment before begrudgingly nodding. “Yeah. I’ll see you then. When will you be home?”
“For you? All day.”
She rolled her eyes again, but she couldn’t help but fight a warmth in her cheeks as she turned to get back to work.
As it turned out, much like she was suspecting, letting James put his number in her phone, and consequently exchanging numbers, was a horrific idea. It seemed that every time she went to check her phone, even if it was the middle of the night, he had something to say. Whether it be an actual message or just a strange meme he found online, he was constantly sending her texts. She was convinced he was testing out a kind of exposure therapy. That maybe, in his head, if he kept bugging her all hours of the day she would learn not to act so annoyed by him. To his merit, he was mostly right. But it helped that she was harboring a secret crush on him to begin with.
James, on the other hand, was getting non-stop reprimands from his friends. Every time he pulled his phone out and started typing, they’d groan in annoyance, knowing exactly who he was trying to talk to.
“Mate, you’ve got to lay off the poor girl,” Remus grumbled softly, his head dropping onto the back of the couch when he clocked James texting her in the middle of a movie night with the boys. 
“I just thought she might think this movie is good. I’m recommending it,” James shrugged a little, still typing away.
“She probably doesn’t care,” Peter said casually.
“Shut up, Pete,” James huffed, setting his phone down. Though he left it up to make sure he’d see exactly when she texted back. “It’s funny. She likes funny stuff.”
“You’ve got it bad, Prongs,” Sirius shook his head as he came back into the living room from his brief excursion to the bathroom. Remus pulled him right back into his lap as he came out, hugging him tightly.
James looked at them, making a disgusted face and groaning. 
“You guys aren’t allowed to talk about me when you’re always clinging onto each other like that.”
“You’re just jealous,” Sirius smirked.
“Maybe I am! I have to watch you two cuddling all the time, all in love. It’s sickening,” James crossed his arms as he looked back at the television. “I shouldn’t have to watch that and hear about how I shouldn’t text a girl I fancy.”
Remus and Sirius shared a look. Remus then set his sights on James with a raised brow.
“So you fancy her now, do you?”
“Shut up.”
“Just saying,” Remus chuckled. “When we started the school year you said she was evil. Now you fancy her.”
“She is evil. She doesn’t like me back,” James sighed dramatically, slumping in his seat. “I don’t get it. Girls loved me in high school. Then all of a sudden we’re at uni, and the first girl I like turns out to be a lesbian and the second one thinks I’m annoying.”
“Poor boy,” Sirius cooed at his dear friend jokingly. “You’ll find one soon. Maybe she just isn’t the one for you.”
“But I want her to be! It isn’t fair. She probably doesn’t like English boys at all. I bet that’s what it is.”
“What?” Remus asked incredulously.
“She’s from the States. I bet she only likes, like… farmers or surfers or something stupid.”
That earned a laugh from his friends, brushing off his dramatics as usual. James merely pouted to himself as he watched the movie until his phone buzzed next to him. He grabbed it like his life depended on it when he saw who the notification was from, smiling like a giddy child as he read the message.
“alright. thanks for the rec, I’ll check it out :)”
He giggled a little to himself. “She sent me a smiley face! You guys think that actually made her smile? I bet it did.”
His friends merely sighed, ignoring him again since he wouldn’t have listened to their response anyways as he typed away.
“Maybe we could watch it together some time! I think my friends would really like you. They didn’t get to know you well enough last time they saw you since it was only a couple of minutes. You should come over!! :)”
He sent the message, but as soon as the excitement calmed down a smidge, he sent another message.
“If you want to, of course. I don’t want to pressure you. But I do want to hang out with you. I think you’ll like me if you decided to stop hating me lol”
“Sorry, that sounded weird”
“I just mean that we could be good friends, I think. You’re funny and cool, and I’m also funny and cool. It’s like we’re made for each other haha!”
“I don’t mean it like that. You know what I mean, yeah?”
“Fuck, mate, you writing a novel over there?” Sirius laughed with wide eyes, looking at the phone in James’s hands.
“I keep fucking up and sending weird stuff,” he groaned. “Trying to do damage control.”
“Not much damage control to do when she already talks to you in person,” Sirius retorts with a smirk.
“Shove off, Pads.”
His phone buzzed again.
“right lol. maybe sometime? do you plan on talking through the whole thing though? you tend to be a motormouth, you know lmao”
He let out a breath of relief, smiling to himself again when he saw that he didn’t screw things too badly.
“I’ll be quiet during all the important parts at least. Promise!”
He waited for a moment, staring at the screen as a little text bubble popped up almost immediately.
“maybe then, yeah. i’ll let you know next time i’m getting too happy with my peace and quiet. or the next time lils and her girlfriend are making out in front of me again”
He laughed softly, ignoring the looks he was getting from the others as he texted the girl. They were all in happy relationships, they certainly were not allowed to judge him for being excited to be speaking to somebody cute.
“Might not be much better with Sirius and Remus here, but misery loves company, right?”
“Those are two of my mates you met when you picked up those notes a while back, btw. In case you forgot their names.”
“They’re dating now.”
He waited patiently, not even paying an ounce of attention to the movie still playing. Besides, if he was going to watch it with her again some time soon, who cares if he missed a bit of it?
“good for them, they’re probably super cute together. but yeah, i’ll text you next time then”
James smiled brightly.
“Great!!! I’m looking forward to it! We can order dinner and everything.”
“But not like a date.”
“Unless you wanted it to be lol. Just kidding. We don’t have to do that.”
“But I’ll still buy dinner so you don’t go hungry.”
He waited again as the speech bottle popped up, and frowned a little when it went away. Then, there was a little heart on the first message he sent about ordering in, which, to him, felt like everything. 
She was surprised with herself when she was all nerves before going to see James and his friends for that promised movie night. Though, she quickly realized that was incredibly silly.
As she got to know James’s friends, she kind of started understanding why he talked so highly of them. She adored them, and thought it was pretty funny that they always seemed a little bit lovingly exasperated with his antics. She couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how she’d start feeling about him, or if that bothersome crush would never fade into a casual friendship.
The answer seemed to come after Sirius and Remus ran off together after dinner, and Peter left to go hang out with his girlfriend. She didn't expect to find herself opening up to the Potter boy so easily about her past, nor for him to become so serious and thoughtful when talking about his own. 
She really didn’t expect for herself to say yes to hanging out with him again. And again. And again.
It’s like he somehow found his way under her skin. She knew he was capable of such a thing from how he was easily able to bug her from their first meeting. It was exasperation at first sight. But the way he charmed his way into her heart was an entirely new kind of annoying. He was all boyish smiles, silly stories, and dramatism… and it was fucking endearing.
But their tipping point came in March. 
Much to her chagrin, they had become close friends. They spent a lot of time together, and not just in the classroom or at work. She’d become friends with his friends, and James had become friends with Lily and Marlene after he finally accepted that Lily really wouldn’t ever like him. Though, realistically, he was pretty much over that the second he realized he had feelings for someone else. That slightly-grumpy, highly caffeinated, lovely, hilarious, complaining, sweet, smart, ridiculously difficult angel of a girl. 
The girl that made him embarrass himself in front of a party full of people.
He stood with Peter and his girlfriend at a table, chatting as they started sipping on freshly made drinks. James was, admittedly, probably a few too many in. But he couldn’t always exercise impeccable self-control, he decided. So, he stood there, staring at the girl from across the room as she danced with Lily’s girlfriend Marlene with a smile on his face.
“You look ridiculous staring at her like that, mate,” Peter said to James, nudging him lightly.
“I don’t know what you mean,” James snorted, pulling his eyes away from her to smirk at his friend. “Besides, I can stare at my girl all I want.”
“Only she isn’t your girl, James,” Peter reminded him.
“I’d like her to be,” James sighed dreamily, turning his head to look at her again. But this time, a frown overtook his face. 
She was now being tapped on the shoulder by some tall, terribly handsome looking guy. James’s stomach lurched a little at the sight. What did this guy think he was doing? 
He looked on for a moment as the two talked, growing more and more frustrated. He knew they weren’t together, but that was still his girl. He knew he had to take immediate action. This couldn’t just slide without consequence. James looked around the room almost frantically, trying to figure it out. How could he get all her attention on him instead of that stupid dude hanging off her shoulder?
Aha!
He pushed his cup into Peter’s hand, ignoring his friend questioning what on earth he was doing. He walked, though it was more of a drunken stumble, to the nearest table, clambering up on top of it. He cleared his throat, looking around as more and more people started looking up at him in confusion. Perfect! An audience.
He called her name over the crowd, looking at her intently until she turned to him with wide eyes, shrugging off the other guy that was still trying to get an arm around her. He smiled brightly, though she looked less than amused, shaking her head a little at him.
“I want everyone in this room, and… and everyone forever, everywhere, to know something. I am so, stupidly, madly…” he stopped as he stumbled a little, his foot slipping off of the table’s edge in front of him. “Shit!”
He crashed to the floor, scraping his hand on something on the table as he tried to stop himself from landing too hard on the ground. He winced, both from the tumble to the ground and the pain in his hand. What the hell was so sharp on that table?
“Ow,” he muttered, not even trying to get up yet, rubbing his head a little as he felt quite dizzy.
“James!”
He squinted up with a small, pained smile as her saccharine voice reached his ears as she came rushing over. He groaned a little when she dropped on her knees in front of him, trying to look at his hand. It was bleeding a little bit.
“You’re so fucking stupid,” she mumbled, but he still noticed the worry in her eyes. It made him feel good.
“I’m drunk.”
“Clearly,” she sighed softly, then stood, reaching for his opposite hand. “Come on. Let’s go get you home.”
“I didn’t finish what I wanted–”
“You need to get to bed. You’re a mess, Jamie.”
He smiled a little more at that little nickname. He loved it when she called him that. He agreed instantly to her at that point. How could he say no?
“Okay. Lead the way, mama.”
“...Don’t call me that.”
“Mm,” he shrugged, letting her help him stand up. He hung off of her, practically using her as a human crutch. “You’re so sweet to me.”
She stayed quiet, trying to bring him out of the room of people either staring or laughing at him. It was a miracle she got him home, but she did after a lengthy battle against the sidewalks and stairs. She sat him on his bed, making him stay put as she went to get disinfectant and a bandage for his hand.
He blinked slowly, looking after her with a dopey smile as she left and returned. She sat in front of him on the bed, taking his hand in hers. He barely whined at all when she cleaned off his hand, muttering something about him being a ‘clumsy, ridiculous cunt’. He thought it was cute how she could take care of him so well while still insulting him for being an absolute idiot. He reasoned that at least he would be her idiot. 
“Sorry, love,” he mumbled when she finished up with his hand. “But you’re awfully good at this stuff. Maybe I got hurt on purpose just so you’d take care of me.”
“No, you didn’t,” she said, practically force-feeding him some water. 
He swallowed. “No, I didn’t. But I could have. I like it like this.”
“You like having your hand all fucked up, and a room full of people laughing at you?”
“I like you sitting with me like this. Giving me alllll your attention,” he giggled. “Besides, you’re really pretty when you’re concentrating. I don’t mind getting hurt if it means you’ll do that silly little thing where your tongue sticks out a bit when you’re focusing.”
“You need to go to sleep,” she said softly, fighting a smile.
“But I didn’t finish what I was gonna say on the table.”
“Too late.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
“Too bad.”
He whined. “Please? That douchebag who was all over you is gonna go right back to it if you go back to the party.”
“I’m not going back to the party. And what do you even mean? What guy?”
“The one who was on you when I got up on the table,” he pouted.
She quirked a brow. “I don’t even know that guy.”
“That’s worse! He’s gonna steal you away!” James exclaimed. “That isn’t fair. I had you first.”
She swallowed once, looking at him curiously. “What?”
“I don’t like boys looking at you or… or touching you or talking to you or anything. You were mine first. They need to back off,” he said, getting increasingly irritated. “I don’t care if you think I’m annoying or you don’t like me. Doesn’t mean some other boy gets to just… take you.”
“Slow down,” she said, grabbing his arm. “First of all, I do like you, if not evidenced by us becoming friends the past several months. Second… some dude I don’t even know isn’t gonna come along and ‘take me’. That doesn’t even make sense. Besides…”
“It does make sense! You’re so beautiful, and funny, and caring, and really mean but in a way that is super hot…”
“I don’t want to date some random frat boy, James.”
“But they want to date you!”
“Who gives a fuck?”
“I do! I love you! They shouldn’t get to butter you up and take you away from me, it isn’t fair,” he groaned, tossing himself back onto the pillows.
As a result, he didn’t see her mouth drop open at the accidental confession, nor the way her eyes widened as she looked at him. 
“You love me?”
“What?”
“You just said you love me.”
James opens his eyes, though he doesn’t look at her. “...no I didn’t.”
“You’re a shit liar, Jamie. I know what I heard.”
He winced a little. “Well… maybe I do. That’s what I was gonna say on the table, anyway.”
“So you’re brave enough to say it in front of a crowd, but you get scared to admit to it one-on-one?” She snorted a laugh.
“It’s easier to not get rejected right away when we’re around other people. Then at least I could figure out your reaction when you were still far away,” he said meekly, finally looking at her.
“You think I’d reject you?”
“Maybe? You kind of hated me when we first met.”
“And now? Who do I spend every waking moment with, dummy?”
“...me?”
She merely raised her brows, opening her hands in an ‘obviously, dumbass’ kind of gesture. He smiled at her.
“So…?” he asked vaguely.
“So… you love me, huh?”
He merely nodded, looking a little sheepish and still pretty drunk. She was thanking her lucky stars that she was still extremely tipsy as well, or else she probably would’ve passed out from nerves.
“What if I said… like, me too?”
His eyes widened. “You too?”
“Yeah.”
“You love me too? Like, also?”
“Yes, like, also,” she laughed. “I’ve honestly had a crush on you since the second day of classes this year.”
“Really?” He smiled brightly. “Ugh, you’re horrible!”
“What?” she scoffed a laugh.
“You are evil! I’ve been saying it since day one. This whole time I thought I was an idiot for liking you so much, and you had a crush on me?”
“To be fair, I really didn’t want to. You were pretty insufferable,” she chuckled, brushing some of his messy hair out of his face.
“Then what changed for me?”
“Nothing. I just started thinking all of your irritating traits were becoming irritatingly adorable.”
“You think I’m adorable?” He giggled to himself.
“Don’t push your luck, Potter.”
“Don’t call me that. I like it better when you call me Jamie.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Makes me all soft and mushy inside.”
“You’re such a sap,” she sighed softly, leaning down over him to kiss his cheek.
He felt his cheeks heat up quickly at the sweet gesture, and even more when she didn’t pull her face away from his. He looked up at her with a soft smile. How could he not have fallen head over heels?
He leaned up slightly, glancing down at her lips before closing his eyes to let her make the first official move. He hoped she’d make that move. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach, and sparks all over his body when he felt her lips meet his for the first time. He smiled into the kiss, unable to stop himself from it.
He kissed her back, though it was admittedly sloppy with the both of them still fairly inebriated, James being even more so. But to him at the very least, it was perfect.
Against his preference, she pulled away. He pouted, as he usually did when he didn’t get as much attention from her as he’d like.
“You have to promise me something,” she said quietly.
His ears perked up. “Anything.”
“We won’t become annoying like Lily and Marls or Sirius and Remus.”
He grinned. “Does that mean you want to date me?”
“God, you’re dense,” she muttered against his lips, kissing him again with no intention of ever stopping.
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hispg · 4 months
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Love
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Pairings: Fuckboy! Leon X Fem! Reader
Summary: Maybe he loves everything about you, or maybe he hates you. Yet he always looks for you when he needs you.
That must mean something, right?
Wc:2.6k
Warnings: Smut, unprotected sex, p in v, masturbation( m receiving), reverse cowgirl, smoking during sex, mentions of weed and alcohol, slightly praise/degradation, toxic relationship, light angst, finger riding.
An: I should have posted this a few days ago, but recently I've been feeling quite insecure about my writing.Even so, I decided to post it.
Also as a thank you to the 600 followers! Seriously! Last month I had 200, and now I've basically tripled that!I feel very grateful and happy that each and every one of you takes the time to read what I write! Leaving a comment or reblogging, the likes also motivate me a lot! That's very special to me.
If all goes well, tomorrow I'll post 2 pieces of smut, one related to Leon being your childhood friend (more cute and awkward? Idk), and the other will be with breeding kink (🤨). It'll be kind of a thank you to the 600 followers.
Thanks again! 💖💖💕
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He loves the way your body lies on the floor, he loves the way you breathe. The breathless smile you give him every time you've just had sex.
Or even the way you let yourself be so exposed to him, lying completely naked, without a shred of shame.
He may love all this about you, but he doesn't love you. If that makes any sense.
Maybe he's too fucked up to be thinking like that, or maybe he's blaming it on the weed. Even if he was quite lucid.
He already knew he'd be leaving soon, it was always like that. Sex without commitment, just for fun. He insisted on muttering these phrases to himself every time he was with you.
You made him feel so alive that he even forgot that it wasn't supposed to mean anything, it was just another fling.
If it was just one more, why did he keep coming back to you? Why was it that every time he wanted to talk late at night he called you, at the very least it had to mean something. Or maybe it was just a coincidence of fate?
He can't say, to be quite honest. He was probably just thinking too much, maybe he just liked you for the affection you gave him, which frankly he adored.
Maybe he'd fallen under that spell.
"Are you leaving?" You ask in a whisper, offering the same sweet smile as always.
"Soon, doll." He says in a whisper, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.
It seems you've managed to take his mind off his own thoughts, and now he's looking you up and down with a thoughtful expression.
After a few seconds he responds with a nod, taking a cigarette from his pack and lighting it.
Gestures like that weren't common from him, but it was different with you. And frankly, it made your heart flutter every time.
You knew you shouldn't feel anything for him, you always did. But who says the heart obeys reason?
"Can't you sleep here?" You asked in a purr, laying your head on his lap and lightly kissing his thighs.
He sighed, taking a long drag on his cigarette, blowing the smoke away from your face.
"You know I won't." The answer was always the same, he didn't even try to disguise it every time you asked.
It wasn't that he couldn't, it was that he didn't want to. And he wouldn't give in so easily.
Nobody said you couldn't make him have a reason to stay, or that you couldn't induce him to say yes for once.
"Don't look at me like that." He mutters, giving you a weak sideways smile.
He knew that look, he knew all the tricks you played on him. And hell if he said he didn't like every one of the things that you do for him.
You still didn't stop, kissing and kneading his inner thighs, watching him as you did it. Letting him stare into your gentle eyes as you tried to persuade him with your antics.
"You're so fucking dirty…" He says under his breath, taking another drag on his cigarette.
He didn't stop looking at you for a second, his hand coming up to stroke your hair, making it clear that you wanted him to continue, and that you had his permission to do whatever you wanted.
He didn't care, in any case if you questioned him about his softer attitudes, he would just say it was the effect of the weed.
Even if it was just a lie to disguise his pride.
Even if you didn't notice, but his expression was always so gentle with you, even if it wasn't such a lived change, but it was there.
And he couldn't hide it any longer from the moment you nibbled and licked his thighs, making him shudder at the sensation that began to arise in his body. The goosebumps that appeared in his every pore.
"I wanted you to stay…" You say softly, as if it were something just for you.
He even pretended not to hear, but there was no way he couldn't have heard. Your sweet voice echoing so close to him. A plea that perhaps if you asked for more, so slyly, there was a good chance he would give in.
It wasn't long before you were kissing all over his chest, letting your hand rest on his thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze and stroking it with your thumb. You already knew how sensitive he was to certain touches, and you always took advantage of that.
"Doll, you're going to kill me like this…" He murmured, looking at you with another one of his gallant smiles, the one that made you weak in the knees.
"I want to make you happy…" You whispered slyly, running your hands down to his bare midriff.
Your lips found his neck, licking and nibbling, making a point of letting him feel your teeth on his skin.
He couldn't help himself, letting out a soft moan as you had your way with him, it was strangely satisfying that you knew exactly what to do when it came to touching him.
"You do, babydoll, you do." He says softly, reaching down to give your ass a gentle squeeze, as well as a playful slap on your exposed flesh.
You then giggle at him, taking the opportunity to grip the erect base of his cock, giving him wet kisses on his shoulders. You even dared to kiss his nipple piercings, letting your tongue hover on the cold metal, feeling the icy surface on your hot muscle, making you smile against his skin.
Just watching the way he sighed and squirmed against your lips, you could feel your pussy starting to get wet, clit throbbing at the thought of having him with you once again.
His reddened tip was already leaking pre-cum, the liquid sticking to him and your fingers, helping with the impurity of those wet noises.
As soon as you started moving your hand up and down, his grip on your ass became stronger, making you gasp slightly at the act.
You continued with the movements, the wet sounds mixed with low moans and grunts filling your ears.
"You have good hands, don't you?" He said with a smile, sliding his hand down your ass again.
His other hand still held tightly to his cigarette, taking deep puffs, his eyes never leaving yours.
You could feel his body squirming with your touches, his hips moving against your hand for any other kind of friction you could give.
"I bet you're soaking wet, aren't you?" He asks in a cocky way, giving you his usual smug smile.
He knew how turned on you got just by pleasuring him, by having his throbbing cock in your fingers, or even the permission he gave you so that you could pleasure him in any way you wanted.
And then just to make sure he knew what he was talking about, his fingers slid down to the wet surface of your pussy, his fingers playing with your slick, making you moan against his skin.
"Tight little hole wanting attention, isn't it?" He taunts, putting his fingers so deep inside you.
The next thing he saw was you sticking out your tongue, licking the trail of precome dripping from his puffy red tip. The act made him curve his fingers inside you, moving in and out without much effort.
"You're so tasty…" You murmured softly, giving his tip a kiss.
This caused him to smile a little, rubbing his thumb against your clit in a circular motion.
"I want to see you ride, go on, sit down." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.
You felt it when he withdrew his fingers from you, resting his hand on the cold floor, just waiting for you to do what he wanted.
And obviously you weren't going to say no.
And you obeyed like a good girl, sitting on his hand as you felt his fingers sinking into you.
"Ah- Shit…" You murmured, feeling your thighs twitch a little as you moved up and down.
He knew your weak points so well that it made you angry, he knew how to make you shudder with just his fingers.
"Such a beautiful little thing, fucking perfect." He grunted, playing with one of your nipples. Rolling and sliding between his fingers, squeezing and pinching.
All this so he could see you moaning and rolling your eyes as you rode his fingers.
You were so beautiful, the way you let yourself be so exposed to him, the way you trusted him with your eyes closed. That should be worrying, but he found it so exciting.
Your breasts jiggling as you moved up and down on his fingers, making a mess of his hand, which by the way was already honeyed with your juices.
"Hmh-, so good," You moaned, leaning on the floor for support as Leon watched your every move.
You moaned and whimpered his name, biting your lip as you stared at his erect member. God, he knew you were dying for him to make you deep-throat him, and don't get him wrong, he wanted it just as much as you did.
Just the thought of his cock buried in your tight throat was more than enough to make his cock throb and twitch, he could feel his blood pulsing to his lower body.
But now, now he wanted you. He wanted to watch as you rode him, as you moaned and begged him to curl his fingers and reach your sweet spots with every movement.
He didn't waste much time and pulled you close to him, sliding his free hand to the back of your neck, pulling you into a hot kiss.
His mouth meeting yours, the way you kissed him so eagerly and sloppily was enough to make him moan and grunt against your lips, his fingers moving in sync with your bouncing.
Your spongy, wet walls pulled him in, accommodating his fingers, you were so wet that he had no trouble sliding in and out of you.
He could do this all day, watch you moaning and whimpering his name, pulling your lips together to try and suppress the dirty noises coming out of you.
And it didn't work at all.
His smile only widened when he heard you whimpering loudly, biting your lip as you rolled your eyes, your orgasm washing over you as you drowned in that pleasure.
"Good girl. Good girl." He whispers, watching as you cream in his fists, your sweet furrow dripping through his fingers.
"Fuck…Oh…" You murmur, stopping your movements, but he hasn't stopped fisting you for a minute.
His skillful fingers caressing your spongy walls, making you look at him slyly.
"Leon… It's too much…" You cry out, pouting at him.
All he does is look at you with amusement in his eyes, leaning down to kiss your nipple, giving your sensitive part a gentle nibble.
"I hope you still have enough breath to give me a good ride." He says with a provocative and seductive tone, smiling cheekily at you.
And well, how can you deny him that? How can you say no when he looks at you like that?
You were incapable of denying such a good proposition.
"Yes… You know I will…" You say slyly, watching as he takes his fingers out of you.
He soon adjusted himself on the floor, spreading his legs and leaving room for you to sit on top of him.
Without any shame, he fisted his own cock, looking at you and biting his lip. His veins pulsed in his cock, which by then was begging for some attention.
The sight was enough to make your cunt throb, your body burning and aching, clamoring for him. And it wouldn't take you long to do what he wanted.
And once again he watched, saw you sit on his lap, your back turned to him as you gave him a view of your plump ass, making him salivate at the sight.
With one hand he held the cigarette, and with the other he instinctively placed it on your hips, kneading the soft skin. He watched as your tight pussy swallowed him, slowly, centimeter by centimeter. Sinking into his lap until he had it all at once.
He watched his cock disappear into your wet folds, and felt when your warmth enveloped him in such a sweet way.
"Fuck, you take me so well doll." Leon grunted, pressing his fingers into the softness of your hips.
"Hm - I'm so full…" You moaned, holding onto his knees as you began to grind slowly.
He smiled sideways, taking one last drag on his cigarette before throwing it on the floor, turning his full attention to you.
The next thing you felt was a warm slap on your ass cheeks, making you swallow and let out a whimper, understanding that he was asking you to increase the pace.
"Good girl." He purred, holding both your cheeks as he just sat there and felt you bounce on his cock.
The view was almost divine, your ass completely on display. He was lost in it, so lost that he could only focus on your moans, on the way you swallowed him completely, his cock appearing and disappearing with every bounce you made.
And there he went, losing all sense and just following the primal instinct to just fuck you, as if it were the last time. His hands gripping your hips tightly as he thrust.
"Leon- mhmm-," You even try to babble, but nothing but incoherent phrases come out of your lips.
Your pussy was so full, so stuffed, that you couldn't even breathe. You'd forgotten how deep he could get into you, how well he could fuck you if he wanted to.
His grunts mixed with your moans filled the room, nothing more than your voices amid the dirty sound of bodies slamming against each other, clashing violently.
If Leon was being honest, he never controlled himself with you, was never able to hold back when it came to you.
His cock twitching as he felt you tighten around him, he grunted so loudly in frustration, he almost couldn't hold back his load.
"I'm going to come inside, you hear?" He says, he wasn't really asking, just warning you what he was going to do.
"Please," You manage to let out a sly little cry, feeling him slap your ass, another one of his requests.
He wanted you to go faster, and you could never deny him that.
Your hips rolling up and down, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you called his name, you even felt that sensation in the pit of your stomach.
Your bodies covered in sweat, heavy breaths coming out in gasps, neither of you could even speak a single word.
You couldn't hold it in any longer, your orgasm flooded you once again, your fluids gushing out, your walls squeezing his length.
And that was the last straw for him, with a loud grunt and a swear word you couldn't identify, he came, thick ropes of cum painting your walls.
Leon just gave you a playful smack on the ass, appreciating you for what you had given him.He knew it had been stupid to cum inside, but he couldn't help himself.
Now all that was left was to wait, he was just waiting until you fell asleep, while you swore that this time it would be different, or that this time he would have some kind of feeling.
But you were dead wrong.
And then he would leave again, break you into a thousand pieces without even looking back.
But then, he would come into your arms, to glue each broken piece together, only to break it again later.
After all, isn't that what love is all about?
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disneyprincemuke · 6 months
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» disneyprincemuke's f1 masterlist
series
vettel reincarnate * female!driver -> after retiring from formula 1 at the end of the 2022 season, f1 legend sebastian vettel realised a while after the announcement that he would miss the paddock way too much. instead of taking back his announcement, he pairs up with an up-and-coming driver and gets her a seat in a race car in formula 1.
in another life * female!driver x logan sargeant -> "if not in this universe, do you think we're at least together in another?" "there has to be at least one where we're happy."
it's nice to have a friend * logan sargeant x platonic fem!driver -> it's never fun feeling like an outsider, so you'd sworn that nobody would ever feel the way you did all those years ago
i'm giving up your ghost * multiple drivers -> i’d live in these stories forever if it means being with you
fast times and fast nights * f1 grid as wags -> what do you expect when you put the grid and their partners on a reality show?
i said "i love you" * valentine's day special -> different reactions to the phrase
max verstappen
midnights -> a compilation of lonely midnights shared between you and max following your breakup
5 times -> there are five times max almost caught himself saying he loves you, and then there’s the time that he finally let you know
3 times -> you've had a crush on the racing prodigy for as long as you've known him - you had your own troubles biting back on words too.
glitter -> it’s the morning after a party, and you find yourself tangled up in bed with your boyfriend
the other woman -> everything falls into place in your mind when max fails to show up for you at the one event you desperately wanted him to be at
charles leclerc
i quit drinking -> you were never one to turn down alcohol. when you do, it causes a ruckus among your friends.
to forget you -> you avoided alcohol to forget the likes of charles, but he coped by drowning himself in the very same thing that reminded him of you
you called -> you called, so he came.
george russell
sex -> it was supposed to be just sex
be mine -> your last night together ended on a bad note, and now you’re back after months to explain yourself
alex albon
love like this -> alex may be the reason your parents are separating, but he proves to you that soulmates still exist
get this right -> the thought of proposing to you is one that always comes easy to alex, but what he hadn’t expected is how difficult it is to execute it
first podiums -> it’s her first win in formula one as a female driver and her boyfriend can’t be any happier for her
logan sargeant
take my hand * prince!logan -> the princess, to inherit the throne after marriage, is having the hardest time trying to find a man to wed. until, a certain duke of somewhere comes riding in to ask for her hand
our spot -> a text from you is the last thing logan expects when he's back home for the holidays especially when it's your first text in almost two years
our spot, 2 -> it’s about two weeks since you last saw logan and you find him sitting all alone in the dark
oscar's girl / logan's girl -> logan never thought he would meet the girl that broke oscar’s heart
where the fun begins * frat!logan (college!mick) -> logan sees you wrapped around another’s arms shortly after you ghost him and he decides to wreak some havoc
to the moon and back * dad!logan -> the misadventures of little luna sargeant
carlos sainz
one of your girls -> you’re just another name in black ink in his long list of girls, and you should know better. so why are you at his apartment in the middle of the night after weeks of radio silence?
oscar piastri
logan's girl -> oscar truly never thought he would ever see the girl that was the cause of his first ever heartbreak
mastermind -> oscar did not expect that he had to share a bed with you during his trip to visit you over his break
mick schumacher
no other shade of blue, but you -> you didn't have a favourite colour up until you met him
where the fun begins * college!mick (frat!logan) -> logan sees you wrapped around another’s arms shortly after you ghost him and he decides to wreak some havoc
invisible string -> unbeknownst to you, there was a force that was pulling you and mick together your entire lives
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This makes me incredibly angry.
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[ID: Screenshots of a Facebook post from user Advocatus Peregrini, which reads:
I was conversing with a fully-grown adult a few days ago, born and educated in the USA, who let this little gem drop:
"Well, it's like Shakespeare said, "Love conquers all!""
I pointed out that Shakespeare never said that, Virgil did, (Eclogues X) and Chaucer after him (Canterbury Tales.)
She said, "Oh I'm sure Shakespeare said that. In Romeo and Juliet!"
I sighed. I've been in that play several times, in different roles, and even directed it. That text does not occur in it.
But the real grind-my-teeth moment here was that if Romeo and Juliet can be said to have a message, it is most certainly not "Love conquers all," seeing as the lovers die by their own hands with a trail of their friends and relations' corpses in their wake.
Neither this fact, nor the fact that I knew the play, nor my explanation that Virgil and Chaucer used the phrase long before Shakespeare's birth dented her determination that "Love conquers all" came from Shakespeare.
"You don't know ALL the versions!" she protested.
All the versions?
Alternative Bard?
With every instinct screaming at me to let the matter drop, warning me that some horror that will not soon be absent from my nightmares waited around the next corner of this conversation. I pressed on.
It was a decision I was soon to regret.
I asked when she had first read "Romeo and Juliet." She said she had only read it once, when she was in Junior High. In the version she was taught, Romeo and Juliet survive, are reconciled with their parents, and are married in the church with their friends Mercutio and Tybalt arm in arm in the wedding party.
"Help me into some house, Benvolio, or I shall faint."
It turned out that her school had their own "version" of Romeo and Juliet, with an "uplifting" ending. This was printed and distributed by a religious education publisher. And it was the only version of the story that she had ever read. Of course she had HEARD other people say that the story was a tragedy, but she just assumed they were wrong.
And she did not see why MY version of Shakespeare should be considered better than HER Shakespeare, which, after all, had a much more wholesome ending.
I explained, in vain, that "my" version is definitive because Shakespeare actually wrote it (quiet, you Oxfordians. Don't make me stop this car) and the message of the play - that when adult stubbornness meets youthful impulsiveness tragedy ensues - is lost in the ersatz, happy-clappy ending.
She said the ending that had been Frankensteined onto Shakespeare's play by the "Christian Education" publisher was better than the original ending, "if the ending is as sad as you say it is."
At this point, I concluded that this was a person who deserved to go through the rest of her life "...safest in shame! being fool'd, by foolery thrive!" I bid her adieu.
After the conversation, I wondered, darkly, if that was to be the fate of Shakespeare, and all other literature if the happy-clappy people get their way - as harmless and "uplifiting" as a cheerleader's chant.
I wondered what these bowdlerizers would do with "Hamlet?" or worse, "Titus Andronicus" or "MacB-" Nothing wholesome, I'm sure. Oh, that's right, what they can't appropriate, they ban. Or burn.
In trying to protect children, we leave them undefended from "...the slings and arrows" that life will no doubt throw their way. Shakespeare raises the issues of tragedy - the fatal flaw, the last turning, the role of fate, as well or better than any author before or since. He is a gentle tutor, much to be preferred over that stern and dangerous teacher, Experientia Inopinatum.
But, as ever, it really isn't about the children. It's about the adults, and their desire to avoid answering difficult questions from agile young minds, who know no fear and swarm like eager flies around questions that have been boggling our best minds for millenia. To answer the questions that literature raises, you have to have thought deeply about them yourself. And that is something that few dare to do.]  end id
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Secrets Kept From Him Ran Haitani x Fem Reader Chapter 1: Secrets WC: 3.5K+ Resident: @enchantedforest-networkTW: Past relationship with Ran, Disappearing, Slight Suggestive Themes, Angst, Drinking, Suggestive Language, Secret Child He Doesn't Know About (unedited) MINOR DNI 18+
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‘I promised to be by your side’ for years this phrase would haunt Ran in his sleep. His eyes opened up in the darkness of the room. He turned his head to the
side to see the woman he picked up for the night who was fast asleep. It just didn’t feel right no matter how many girls he brought home, nothing felt complete. To be exact no one could replace you. 5 years had passed by without a sign of where you left. He had tried to track you down when you first left. Trying to get a hold of family members, friends even trying to find connections to search for you. But each time there was a lead it was a dead end. ‘Why do I keep doing this to myself… they are not the same’ he sighed. He was doing this to himself, comparing each woman with you. Behind his smile only his brother could see that he wasn’t happy. The following morning Ran was still charming as he called a cab for his late night friend to be picked up. “Thanks for last night, I'll give you a call sometime.” flashing a smile seeing the woman get into the cab as it began to travel down the road. The smile on his face faded, his hands placed in his pockets as he went into his home. 
~~~~~~
“We just got in…no we are heading there right now…” you sat in the back of the private car as you were on the phone, you were looking through the windows, it's been years since you've been in Tokyo. It still looked the same. The bit of nostalgia hitting you as you passed by some familiar buildings. “Hey listen I will call you later tonight and keep you updated.. Okay… okay bye.”  you hung up the phone. “Everything is so big over here!” your daughter looked out from her booster seat. “You used to live here right mommy?”  her violet eyes looked over at you. “Yeah before you were born.” softly smiled as you ran your fingers through her long soft locks. 
You left Tokyo when you found out you were a few weeks pregnant. Ran didn’t know about the baby. It did worry you when finding out about your pregnancy, you were scared shitless. Ran coming home sometimes covered in blood, you had expressed your concerns for his safety many times. He would simply say ‘you don’t need to worry about a thing my love.’ but it worries you every single time. You worried you would get a call about a deal going south and he wouldn’t make it or if someone found out about you or your guy's baby you wouldn’t know what this person might do. You couldn’t take that risk, you needed to protect yourself and your baby. 
It hurt you to leave him  the way you did without any notice nor telling him where you were going. The days passed into months and your daughter was brought into the world. Along with trying to figure out how to be a mother you were dealing with your own anxiety. Looking at her growing each day she inherited Ran’s looks. You had a little piece of Ran with you. You wanted to give your daughter the opportunity to grow up in Tokyo and enjoy it like you did as a child. “We should be arriving at our new home tomorrow sweetheart.” you spoke. You bought a home on the other side of Tokyo avoiding some of the places you and Ran would visit. He was a creature of comfort he would usually stick to the places he was familiar with. The home would have all your belongings by the end of the day today. You were going to stay in one of the Hotels that had great reviews online. It was fairly new as well. Still in the back of your mind wondering what would happen if you would have run into him by accident or his brother… You wouldn’t know what you would do. Your mind would play thousands of possible scenarios from him being happy, to being betrayed and upset with you.
“Mommy we are here!” your daughter exclaimed as the car stopped in front of the Hotel. “Great lets put our stuff in the hotel and do a bit of sightseeing before it gets late.” opening the car door.
~~~~~~~~
“Ran, are you paying attention?” Rindou called out to his brother who was spaced out.
“Hmmm oh yeah, what time do we have to meet up with them again?”  They were in the car going to the destination meeting some possible clients for the club. One being a heiress of a prestigious alcohol company. Ran knew what he exactly had to do to get this contract with her. Even if it meant he had to sleep with her. “Seriously you cannot mess this up. If we can reduce the cost of this we are golden.” Rin looked over at his brother. “I know. Why don’t I just sleep with the bimbo first then you talk to her about contracts, she wouldn’t be able to process the quote we give her without thinking about events that happened before that.”  Ran suggested giving a smirk. His brother let out a deep sigh pinching the bridge of his nose “You have that full confidence in you by all means have at it. Might leave this to you right now then come back later on.” As the car pulled up to the hotel. Ran pulled up a photo of the heiress to make sure he wouldn’t mistake her for anyone else. He studied her features, making him woo her easily. He did look different from the last time you saw him. His hair was styled differently and wear a nice suit. You and your daughter were exiting out to the lobby. Your attention was on your daughter as she was happily talking to you as you held her hand.In this brief moment your paths crossed with his but both were too busy in your own worlds to notice each other at that moment. A faint smell of a familiar cologne hit your nostril for a moment. Looking up for a moment you were passing a group of gentlemen thinking it was one of them wearing the cologne Ran used to wear. You refocused your attention on your daughter.
Ran would be heading to the bar of the hotel where he is greeted by the striking beauty who was waiting for him. “Ms. Yamaguchi, I'm glad you were able to make it on such short notice.” Ran smiled as reaching for her hand kissing the back of it. “You do look lovely tonight. I’m Ran Haitani.” “Lovely to meet you Ran. They told me you were handsome but not so charming as well.” she looked at him with a sultry look. “You have a brother as well Rindou if I remember correctly… where is here tonight?” She looked towards the doorway. “He had to take care of some things at the club. I guess in the meantime while we wait, we can get to know each other? Can I buy you a drink?” the smile that no woman could resist. She gladly accepted his offer. It would only take him an hour to end up in her hotel room. 
Few hours would pass as you made your way back to the hotel with your daughter along with someone you trusted since the day you left. “We are glad you will join us for dinner tonight. I made reservations.” you smiled. Looking over at your aunt who you kept in contact with. 
“I'm glad to be finally seeing you both in a while. For a chance you both get to visit me for once.” she chuckled while walking into the hotel lobby. Your aunt never met Ran before, only had heard about him from the stories you would tell her. She did suggest telling him the minutes you gave birth to your daughter but she respected your choices on why you didn’t. 
When you pressed the elevator button you waited patiently. You saw something on your daughter's face. Kneeling down,facing away from the elevator cleaning her cheek. On the other side of the elevator coming down, Ran was focused on the lovely Ms. Yamaguchi. Her hands draped around his neck. As she playfully talked to him. “I never had a client take such good care of me.” her finger tips touching his lips. “Well there will be more if you like later on.” he was leaning in before the elevator stopped. They were on the lobby floor. When opening the door they saw a mom kneeling down with her back toward them, seeming to be cleaning her daughter's face accompanied by an elderly lady. Ran smiled as he exited the elevator. He noticed the little girl and thought she was adorable. Her eye color was similar to his own; he didn't really pay mind to all the details of the girl but her eyes. They made their way towards the bar where Rindou was. They heard the little girls say “mommy lets get in the elevator!” “Okay okay let's hurry in.” you chuckled. From that distance Ran heard the familiar voice that stopped him for a moment. When his head turned around he was able to get a look of the mom who was standing up. From a side view his heart dropped seeing you.  He watched you holding onto the little girl's hand entering the elevator. “Ran dear everything alright?” Ms. Yamaguchi asked when Ran seemed to pause for a moment.  He couldn’t just move seeing that you were here in the hotel he was at. He needed to talk to you. Ran composing himself quickly he turned his attention back to Ms. Yamaguchi. “Yes of course I thought I knew someone. But shall we meet up with my brother?” he asked, covering his issues with a smile. During the discussion between Ms. Yamaguchi and Rindou , Ran wasn’t paying attention. His mind was focusing on other things. His past love being here and trying to figure out what his next move would be. He could wait in the lobby till you came down again. Rindou would look at his brother's direction seeing he was preoccupied in thoughts. “Ran… Ran.” Rindou called out.
“Hmm I’m sorry what is happening?” he asked. 
“Must be still a little dazed and confused because of our private discussion earlier.” Ms. Yamaguchi smiled. “We were going over the quantity and price range.” Rindou spoke. “We agreed on this number.” Rindou pulls out a small notepad along with a pen jotting down the number and handing it to Ms. Yamaguchi.
She looked at the number. “I think we can make this work. Your brother can be very convincing ya know. I will have the contracts ready by tomorrow for both of you to sign.” She picked up her drink while taking a sip. The next thing she knew she had her phone ring. “Hello yes…Well I'm in the middle of something right now. I left you in charge for one minute and you decided to screw things up.” she sighed she brought the phone away from her ear “I do apologize gentlemen but something needs my attention. I will have my assistant send over the contracts in the morning. If you will excuse me I need to take care of this.” She got up from the seat walking away.  Rindou looked at his brother “What the hell is going on with you?” “What if I told you about someone from the past staying in this hotel right now.” Ran gave his brother a side glance bringing his drink to his lips. “Can you confirm they are here?” Rin leaned back in his chair. “She is here, I saw her. She still looked the same, just like I remember.” Ran spoke. “There is something else too.. She had some company with her” “Company you say? Who’s the guy?” he asked. Rin was already prepared to make something look like an accident waiting for his brother to describe the guy you might be with. “It wasn’t a guy…. It was a little girl and some older woman I’ve never seen before.” Ran began to remember the child feature more. The pretty violet eyes that resembled his, the child that looked no older than 4 or 5. “I need to talk to her more before assuming something… Listen, she will eventually come down. I wanna talk to her.” ~~~~~~ Fixing your daughter's hair you had her in a pretty purple dress. “You look great sweetie.” holding her hands. “You do too mommy.” her small hands cupping your cheeks as she gave your eskimo kisses. “You guys ready?” you asked your daughter and aunt. “Ready!” they both exclaimed. Walking out of the room. Getting into the main lobby you headed to the area where the restaurant was. 
Rindou wanted to see if Ran really saw the woman from his brother's past. He was casually sitting in the lobby looking at his phone each time the elevator opened and his eyes were on the elevator. His eyes focused on you when you stepped out with your daughter and aunt. He was in a bit of disbelief seeing you. Picking up his phone. “Hey you were right…. She is heading towards the restaurant.. Just one thing don’t act like an idiot just-” the phone was cut off “son of a .” he grit his teeth. He didn’t want his brother to do anything drastic infront of people. Ran was already at the restaurant. He had a seat in the corner where the bar stand was. Just a minute later after hanging up with Rin. He saw the group of three arriving at the check in. The server shows you to your table. The more he watched you the more he wanted to walk up to the table and talk to you. Hearing the small giggles coming from your daughter his heart was breaking. There was no doubt that was his little girl. It was like a little replica of him as a child. He wasn’t a part of yours and her life. He wanted to get a better view of you both. Still questioning who the lady was you were with. He was by the walkway in the corner where it lead to the kitchen he leaned on the rail. Your daughter was looking around the restaurant amazed by how beautiful everything was. “Mommy look at the big fishes in the tank!” she pointed to the large aquarium-like tank behind them. “ I know they are big fishes.” you watched the fish swimming peacefully. Your daughter's  eyes are still roaming around. She happened to glance at a table where she saw a family sitting. She didn’t know who her dad was, she had asked about him but you kept it very short with the answers. Excuses of daddy being very busy with work. She watched as the dad interacted with his children, making them laugh. Ran saw her looking over at the table and her smile disappeared for a moment. You caught onto seeing your daughter frown on her face. “You okay sweetheart?” you asked her. “Mommy, will I ever get to meet my daddy? At my old school I would see daddy’s pick up their kids from school and the kids would do all these things with their daddy’s… I just…” she stopped her sentence and looked down fidgeting with her hands. Your aunt looked over at you, after hearing what your daughter said. She had told you many times and now your daughter was asking about her father. “ I know, baby.” you cupping her face lifting her cheeks up to look at you. Just this statement was killing you so much. She was suffering not knowing who her father was. “You will meet him one day.. I promise.” you smiled, kissing her forehead. “Why do we get something sweet after dinner? I will let you choose something from the menu.” you wanted to see that smile appear on her face. “Really?” her eyes brighten up. “That sounds like a good idea now. Why don’t I help you choose Sweetie?” your aunt suggested to your daughter who happily scooted closer to her as they both looked at the menu.
 Picking up your wine glass you sipped on your wine. You started to realize how many families were in the restaurant.  Your eyes began to wander around the restaurant to see some happy couple and families enjoying their meal. When your eyes reached the corner of the room they didn’t move when they landed on him. His distinct violet eyes appear back at you, even though he had a new hairstyle. He was there looking back at you, the eye contact didn’t break for a second. The moment your eyes looked away was when your daughter caught your attention. “Mommy I want this one!” She brought the menu close to you to show you the item she wanted.
“That does look like a yummy treat, sweetie.” you smile. You took a quick glance back at the corner where Ran was standing and he was gone. “Mommy is gonna go to the bathroom really fast okay? Behave for your aunt for me?” turning your attention back to your daughter. Your daughter nodded promising she would behave for you.
You got up from the booth and made your way to the corner of the restaurant. You couldn’t believe your feet were walking toward his direction. Your heart was pounding against your chest, as you approached closer. When you reached the area you saw an empty hallway. Walking down the empty hallway you saw the different paths to the hotel. You were looking down at the hallway but no sight of him. The quicker you were looking down the aisle when you felt someone grabbing your hand pulling you into an aisle of where rows of doors continue down the long hallway. The smell of his YSL cologne hit your nostrils, the hypnotizing violet eyes were close. It didn’t take long or Ran’s slender arm to wrap around your pulling you closer to his body. His other hand caressing your cheek as he brought you to his chest in a tight embrace. His head is buried in the top of your head taking a deep inhale of your scent. “____.” he whispered your name. It didn’t take much longer until you found yourself holding him. His embrace was just like you remembered, and how much you missed every moment of it. “I missed you…” 
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leclsrc · 11 months
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like you should ✴︎ cl16
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genre: just. Like. sexual tension…, reader is max’s gf, no explicit smut but heavy innuendos so just beware, everyone is Morally Bankrupt so turn away if u dont fancy that
word count: 11.3k  
If you don’t learn from history, it’ll stick around and find a way to repeat itself – even if the history is with your boyfriend’s rival, and its repetition happens behind his back.
auds here… hi hi hi!!! not proofread sry; i wanted to write something like this for a while haha, i had a bunch of reqs from january(!!!) that served as the basis for it. title from this it was this fic's inspo savior. full disclosure this is fiction n doesn’t at all reflect how i view max/charles :) love love love u all sorry for being mia so constantly & enjoy this jumble of sexual tension haha. happy june friends!!!
Monaco is always an affair in itself. Humid, music blaring, and full of celebrities, you pose for a few paddock pictures, exchanging no words with Max. He’s idle beside you, cap drawn over his dirty blond hair, hand on your waist, the other scrolling through emails and Instagram. Your dad’s somewhere here, too, if you remember right—he texted you about being with Christian, at a meeting somewhere about Checo or something. You can’t be arsed to remember. You flew in two hours ago after a days-long inner turmoil, trying to decide if you wanted to come at all.
Max didn’t sound too eager for you to arrive, either, but you theorize it’s because you’ve both been tired with work lately. He’s leagues above everyone else now, but the demand of work snatches what little quality time you could’ve spent with him. You suck it up, lacing your fingers together and hoping this is a dry spell—physical and emotional—that just needs to be waited out.
How’s the weather? You ask casually when you’re inside his room, burying your face into his shoulder. He presses an absentminded kiss to your head. “Should be fine.”
“Anything you’re worried about?” You make yourself busy rifling through his closet. It’s more of the same. Polos proudly showcasing the logo of the team that’s brought him to the top. He usually keeps three spare ones, but there’s an extra smaller one that you unfold and dangle in front of you. “Whose is this?”
He glances. Kelly’s. When you gesture for elaboration—Nelson Piquet’s daughter? Christian asked me to give her one. You don’t pay attention to it, folding it neatly and placing it inside again. He pipes up to answer your earlier question, voice light as it is solemn. It’s Charles’ home race.
“So?” It comes out sharper than you intend, considering Max is more a friend than his rival. You turn to try and soften your hostile phrasing. “I mean. It’s… you’ve been dominating the leaderboard.” No way you’ll show him you’re worried for Charles, too. “Their car is horseshit.” It is and it worries you.
“Yeah, yeah. I think I’ll talk to him for a bit. You’ll be okay alone?” He’s getting up already.
“Wait—” You pause when he’s kissing your cheek as a goodbye. “I thought we were getting lunch.”
“Make it dinner, then.”
“No,” you protest weakly. “I’m going to be with my dad.”
“Drinks.” He leaves no room for argument and leaves with the door shutting softly behind him. You exhale loud through your nostrils and shut the closet door, leaving to explore the paddock. It’s familiar grounds for you, not just because of Max but because of your dad, who began insisting you attend races again a few years ago. You should know Red Bull, he’d said then. The team I’m sponsoring. The team I give millions to.
Purely to appease him, you gave in and attended a race for the first time in a long stretch, just a few years ago. You’ve attended almost every race since then, and those have often blurred into one homogenous memory (sitting, watching, cheering, hugging, drinking), but the first race remains clear as the day your driver dropped you off at the entrance to the paddock, a VIP lanyard slung over your neck and sunglasses perched on your nose.
You stare at the just-closed door, his bag still abandoned on the bed, his dismissive tone, the polo you’ve just folded up. Max is hiding something—you just can’t put your finger on it.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Monza 2019! The host goes, a reporter-esque smile greeting the crowds on the big screens. Monza is intimidating. You’re being guided around the ups and downs of the paddock by somebody whose name you’ve forgotten and remembered and forgotten again, short in stature with a posh English accent. Your dad is somewhere, in a meeting perhaps, which means your re-introduction to the world of racing is up to this man alone.
“Christian!” Someone says behind you, and oh right his name is Christian. Christian—Hormut, or something. You’ve blurred his last name from memory, too. Christian ends up having to excuse himself to attend to a pressing practice problem, and he leaves you with one of his drivers.
Max is his name. He’s funny, charming, and vulgar in the way all Europeans are (you’re not at all surprised when he tells you he’s Dutch), and handsome, moreso when the topic gets to racing and he starts talking quick and with passion. It’s something you admire.
“You don’t know what quali is?” He asks when he hands you a vodka soda.
You laugh. “My dad was always insanely busy with work as a kid, so I liked not knowing anything about it.” You always wanted to remove yourself from the racing and just be your dad’s daughter. “I’ve only been to a handful of races, and even then I was way younger.”
“You’ll like this one.”
You squint onto the paddock and recall the motif that’s been teeming around you all day long—red. Red, red, and more red. There are fans whose faces are painted red, bold and shiny against the unrelenting sunny weather. Internally, your curiosity is piqued. Red Bull, perhaps? “Are those your fans?” 
Max follows your gaze curiously. “Oh,” he says when he sees the crowd of red. He sips his beer. “No, that’s for Ferrari. They always attract a proper crowd in Monza.”
You hum, the name more than familiar to you. “Red sea.” You spot a few signs in Italian, a few fans taking pictures, and finally your interest wanes, eyes gravitating back to Max. “You nervous?
“Rarely am.” He smiles. “Will you be watching?”
“Probably,” you respond, momentarily searching the surrounding area for your dad. “I’ll be with my dad someplace.”
“You owe me a congratulations,” says Max as he gets up, his name being called from somewhere behind you. “Okay?”
“Sure,” you giggle. “I’ll save it.”
You’d spaced out mid-race and watched from a flatscreen TV inside instead, but lost the plot at some point, so you ask around for who the winner is. The winner ends up not being Max, you’re told by one of your dad’s assistants, Ben, when you emerge from his office after the flag is waved.
Everybody, however, is talking in a secondary racing jargon—they say things like P1 and front wing and strategist, failing to dumb things down for you. You piece things together and realize the winner is a Ferrari driver—but, if your memory serves you right, there are two drivers. You don’t know which one it is. Then again, you don’t know the drivers themselves, either.
You reunite with your dad and Christian Harper (you think) in the garage, where Ben hands you a pair of giant headphones that transmit scratchy, loud radio audio; you remove them and ask him a million questions instead. Nearby, the Ferrari garage is exploding with screams, but they don’t come close to the roars of the red crowd, which almost seems to breathe collectively, scream collectively, celebrate as one. You’re almost transfixed with how loud they are, how passionate they are, with their winner. Their golden guy. Your dad’s mouth is set in a straight line.
“Who won?” You ask, voice raised to try and become audible despite the cheering.
Ben points, squinting under his eyeglasses. You follow the direction of his finger to the finish line. There, parked beside the first place sign, is somebody standing atop his car. He’s wearing red. Showered in red. Surrounded by red. It’s tantalizing, the way his win has commanded the entire area. Your mouth is half-open, lips parted in soft shock.
You tap Ben again. “Yeah, who is he?”
“Leclerc,” he says, pinching his nosebridge. “Ferrari’s new guy. A friend of Max’s, but a rival, too.” He sighs lowly. “Your dad’s biggest problem.”
Christian Harris makes a quip about you having to go find and comfort Max, but you space out, still staring at the winner. Leclerc. You’ve got no face to his name, just the opaque visor of his helmet and the two proud fists in the air, inciting even louder cheers from the crowd. You focus harder, as if that would somehow reveal his face to you.
But he’s faceless, a winner of mystery for now—and for the rest of the evening as you’re ushered back to Red Bull alongside your dad. 
“Do you want to come to an afterparty?” Ben asks, tapping away on his phone. Emails and texts crowd his notifications. “We need to know if you’ll need a car tonight.” He follows you around, exasperated with your quick pace that even he can’t keep up with. “And if so, which car.”
“No, no car.” You respond, walking. “Which afterparty?”
“Any, really. There’s, uh… a Red Bull one, a few yacht ones, Max mentioned dropping by APM Monaco’s and—”
“No afterparty,” you say with tense finality once you hear the option. “All the drivers do is drink and get sleazy.”
“O-kay,” he taps. “I didn’t realize you had such a… vendetta against the drivers?”
You laugh a little, peering over the lens of your sunglasses to try and spot familiar faces. Actors, models, drivers’ relatives—the place is packed, and the weather is hot. “When did I say that?” You ask, looking around at hyper speed. 
“It was implied.” Ben pauses and eyes you, curious but already on the brink of suspicious. Your gaze is darting everywhere, clearly trying to find something to catch on. “What are you looking for?”
Caught red-handed, you slow down the speed at which your eyes scan over the paddock and settle them on your watch, pursing your lips. You clear your throat and raise an eyebrow, turning the questioning back to Ben. “I’m not looking for anyo—”
“Hey,” comes a voice from right behind you, a hand coming up to tap against your shoulder. You don’t have time to turn and identify the culprit because he moves to stand in front of you, effectively stopping you in your tracks with a teasing smirk. “Max did not tell me you would be here.” He crosses his arms. “Excited? I know I am. Home race and all.”
You swallow but your throat is dry. “I’m excited to cheer for my boyfriend.”
Charles smiles, satisfied that he managed to get on your nerves. With curiosity and anticipation, Ben keeps to himself and watches the exchange unfold, arms crossed. Charles presses on. “Are you coming to the party later?”
“I might,” you say, mind changed.
“Alright, see you.” With the sun weakening the tint of his sunglasses, and his hair raked back by his backwards cap, you have a clear view of the way his left eye drops into a smug wink. He smiles again, boyish, before he’s turning to leave you with Ben, who turns to you.
“You’re friends?”
The most decent answer leaves your lips dismissively. “Acquainted.”
You lose all sense of inhibition (and navigation) as soon as you step a heeled foot into the club, but it’s nothing you haven’t experienced before. Years of clubbing and fake IDs have prepared you for the tactics used to snake your way through the crowd of people, eventually finding yourself at the VIP area of the Monza afterparty, where one look at your face is enough to let the bouncer let you through wordlessly. 
“The team’s finest!” Christian greets jokingly with a smile. Why he’s here, you’ve no idea—you had an impression he had a family to go home to. “A drink?”
“I’ll explore for a bit,” you say warmly, smiling as he brings you in for a friendly hug. You peer at faces and over shoulders, taking shots off trays and flutes of champagne off tables to feel less stiff and out of place. You’re looking for Max.
But you catch somebody else’s eye, one who seems to beckon you over with a look. He’s laughing at something, decently tipsy, and—when you near him—he introduces himself as Charles. “Leclerc,” he adds, and suddenly everything clicks. The face you’ve finally matched to the name is handsome, chiseled and devilish and charming, with a warm smile that doesn’t match the dark in his eyes. He’s in the same kind of getup everyone is wearing—a tight black tee, blue jeans. But he makes it look insufferably attractive, unfortunately.
“You’re the winner,” you state, not lifting your tone to sound like a question. He is the winner. The champion of today’s race.
“Right I am.” He nods once, matter-of-factly. “You’re Red Bull’s princess, aren’t you?”
“I wouldn’t call myself that,” you say, blushing inwardly. Your face is warm and you feel flustered, but you play it cool, feigning a casual laugh. “Congratulations, by the way.”
“Thanks.” He takes a gulp from his drink, dark and potent looking. “Max mentioned you earlier.”
“Oh.” You’d completely forgotten you were looking for him. “Is he here?”
“Around. Hey, listen,” he says, turning to collect the makings of a shot, “I’m the winner, and I make the rules. Take a shot with me.”
Your eyes close in a laugh, nodding along. You’re already tipsy, anyway—what’s another shot? You take a wedge of lemon in between two fingers and a pinch of salt, smearing it along your hand as you grip a shot glass of something. You’ll know once you taste it, you suppose; no time for questions.
“You got the last lemon slice!” complains Charles across you, and you laugh, shrugging as if to say deal with it. Your glasses clink, and you throw back the liquid; it’s ten times stronger than you anticipated and for a moment you lose control over your motor skills, squeezing the lemon wedge a tad too strong so it dribbles down your chin, through your throat and the last of it trickles through your cleavage. You manage to get some, licking the salt off before the taste becomes nauseating.
Your grimace is ever so obvious, as is Charles’ inability to take his eyes off you. Fuck, he thinks. You’re exactly his type. Pretty, eyes twinkling and half-lidded with the alcohol. Your lips are bitten, caught between your lips—it’s a habit, he guesses from how puffy they are. He might have to kiss you now.
“Still need lemon?” You ask, leaning in. “I’ve got some on me.” It’s a joke but your tone suggests otherwise, eyes lingering on his parted lips for any sign of assent. Your breath smells of citrus and wildly expensive tequila. He could kiss you now. He would. He will. He has to.
You tip your head backwards, smiling and dancing lightly to the music, your hands wraped loose around his wrists, dragging him, coercing him closer. So he does, allows himself to give into it and smiles into the skin of your neck, licking over the remnants of lemon that remain. He kisses a lovebite onto the side of your throat, one dark enough that he knows—he just knows—at least one person will ask you about it tomorrow morning. 
When he parts, smiling, he asks, “Wanna smoke?” He produces a cart and waves it in between you, taking a hit and blowing grassy smoke into the air. You nod, encouraging him to take another and blow the smoke into your parted lips. All the while, he notices, your hand is rubbing over the lovebite, the soft, sore skin there.
He thinks of what you might say. The flustered explaining, the hand coming up to cover it or the sponge dabbing concealer over it. He thinks of you lying. Oh, just a guy. No, a Ferrari driver. And you’re all his, if just for tonight. And he’d be right. You were somewhat his—just for that night. The day next, Max took you to breakfast, didn’t notice the blotch of concealer, and all settled into a messy pattern of history.
The race is about to begin, preparations in the garage reaching their stunning crescendo. “Good luck,” you say as a sendoff, pressing a kiss to Max’s lips. He smiles appreciatively, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. You wonder absently what’s been going so wrong, but you suppose it’s a two-person job. 
You watch him board the car, your dad coming up beside you. “I still can’t believe how lucky it is that you ended up with one of my drivers.”
“Dad,” you say, warningly. 
“Just saying, honey.” He smiles. “Can you imagine anything else?”
“I am sure I cannot be up here.” Charles’ voice is amused, deep and echoing in the empty space of your dad’s vast office. It’s dimly-lit because he’s not here—yacht dinners have become the new venues for business deals, leaving big offices like these ones woefully empty. And yours for the taking, you’d told Charles over text when he asked what you were up to tonight.
You hum teasingly, turning. “You won today, so consider this your prize. Provided generously by a friend.” The term embeds itself into the atmosphere of the empty office and you clear your throat, turning your back to him again and walking to the window. 
The awkward air between you had, for some time, dissipated, giving way to a series of texts and calls that, for the sake of clarity and concision, you don’t tell Max about. Plus, you’re not even dating Max, you tell yourself. It’s just a fling right now, no commitment, no crazy heavy labels. You met only, what, three races ago. And to be fair, you’re not even dating Charles—you’re just friends.
“It’s crazy to think this office can be folded up and shipped halfway across the world,” you say honestly, eyes zeroing in on the city. “I mean, all this.” 
“It is just four walls,” he simplifies, nearing you, staring at the way your hair falls over your back. He’s scared to explore around and touch things—touch you—so he settles on nervous looking. “I don’t understand how this is a prize. I’m in an opposing team’s high-level donor’s office with his daughter.”
“It’s not just four walls,” you say when you turn, ignoring his second statement. “It’s a couch.” You lay both hands on the leather sofa, pointing to the two matching loveseats beside it. “It’s… a desk.” You walk over to it and prop yourself up against it, your feet tiptoeing with the height of the surface. Charles, amused, watches your long-drawn out rebuttal and takes a seat on the couch.
“It’s a lamp. A carpet. A display of Seb’s old race suit.” You point at each. “It’s a drawer.” You pull it open. “…Filled with Red Bull porn.” An assortment of hats and tees meet your eyes, all displaying the same emblem. You tug out a team polo, the same one Christian and Max and Daniil wear—and you whirl around, unfolding it in the air so Charles sees what you’re holding.
An idea enters your head. “Try it on,” you suggest, a teasing lilt in your voice. He shakes his head, laughing. Still insistent, you near him, leaning over where he sits and pressing the polo to his figure, aligning it to the best of your ability to his shoulder and chest so it looks like he’s wearing it. “Looks nice.”
He makes a noise of dismissal. “Never happening.”
“Can’t a girl dream?” You inch yourself forward so your faces are flush of each other’s. When his gaze switches to your lips, smiling and bitten, it no longer leaves. You think of how he’d look all donned up in one of these polos, these suits. The dark of the suit. He could use a break from all that red. You could give that to him.
“Okay,” he says, but it’s soft and distracted. His hand comes up to wrap around your wrist, craving for a form of your touch.
“We’d better go,” you respond, your voice decimated to a whisper. “Before my dad comes.”
“Come on, then.”
Your lips just barely ghost over his before you heave yourself back up, smiling teasingly. “Alright. Let’s go, then.”
You watch the Monaco race like a hawk. Ben doesn’t ask why, but internally he rumbles with questions. Why are you so invested in this one race? He chalks it up to the prestige of Monaco as a whole, and settles for that. But still—you’re interested. You watch from the garage, almost with an unrelenting stare, unwavering. Surely you shouldn’t be worried, he thinks. Max has won before. 
And Max wins again, raising the totem like it’s a crucifix. The camera focuses on your wide, proud smile and shows it to the world—there, it seems to say, there she is, the one Max goes home to! Max wins the Monaco Grand Prix—but what will become of the native hero?
You watch Max win with a proud smile, and accompanied by a nasty feeling that lines the pit of your stomach, you find yourself wishing somebody else had taken his place.
You never did like dabbling in racing. Your dad often encouraged you to try karting, driving, even something like PR or marketing—he’d fund it all, he promised—but you grew to almost hate the career that robbed your dad of so much time. Perhaps if you thought about it, there was one upside, and it’s sitting down across you to eat lunch.
“What brings you to the paddock?” Seb smiles. “Rare occurrence.”
“It’s part of my bid to get you back to Red Bull in 2023.” You beam back, observing his Aston Martin-green getup. “I’ve got signs and speakers loaded up in my car.”
“You always were advocating for my return.”
“You’re my favorite,” you joke. But it’s an honest quip. “My favorite Aston driver, and back then, my favorite Ferrari driver.”
It’s a statement you regret as soon as it escapes, because it gives Seb leeway to start intense interrogation. He’s always known. He’s always been observing, picking up quirks and details until he forms his own crude recreation of the big picture.
“Not Leclerc, then?”
You chew slowly, eyes narrowed. “Seriously?”
He says your name solemnly, and you pause. Sigh. “What?”
Sensing your irritation, he tries a different tactic. “How are you and Max?”
Seb’s ability to almost always see through you is unrivaled. He’d been one of your closest companions back when your dad would force you to attend races and hail Seb as one of the team’s greatest. Kind as he was, he was a stellar driver, which came with the fortunate gift (and unfortunate burden) of observing everything, and being right about almost all of his hypotheses.
It’s bullshit, and you know it. He doesn’t want to know about you and Max. He might as well could’ve asked how is the weather in Wales? It’s just that farfetched—a question so unlike what usually occupies your conversations with him.
He doesn’t want to know about Max. He wants to know about you—your feelings, your turmoil, your decisions. He wants to know what’s going on with you and Max’s rival-friend-then-rival-again-then-friend. “We’re okay.”
“All good?”
“Amazing, actually.” You smile, tight-lipped.
“I met with him last night.” Yeah, you heard, you say—a party with a few notable figures. “Yeah. Him and Charles.” Jesus, Seb always finds a way to get the topic right where he needs it to be. You prepare yourself for some serious advice-giving.
He inhales, exhales. “Charles asks about you. Are you two close at all?”
No, you tell him. We know each other and that’s all.
“Well”—he says, shrugging—“I just. I don’t want you to betray anyone, not even yourself.”
It’s despicable. All you need are two couches and you’re in free Formula One therapy. They should do this to the Ferrari fans, you think. “Do you hear yourself, Seb?” Your mouth is set into a straight line.
“I’m just saying that there’s a difference—there is always a difference—between what you think you want and what you really want. Now, I can’t tell you either. Neither can your dad, or Max, or anybody. It’s all in you. You’ll know you have what you want when it’s right there.” He jabs a gentle finger onto your open palm, laid on the table. “In your hands.”
“I have what I want,” you say. 
“Do you feel it?”
Seb is met with silence.
“Dad?” You call, voice loud to try and capture his attention. Outside, the Monaco festivities carry on. “Simon’s just brought the car around. Are we still on for dinner, or—?” You freeze when you fully enter the office, seeing your dad on the couch pouring a bottle of Scotch. Your blood runs cold almost, and your stomach could’ve dropped right beside your sandals right then.
“Hi, honey. I was just having a drink with Mr. P6.”
Charles smiles charmingly from his seat. “Hi. You’re his daughter, yes?”
You open your mouth but nothing comes out, so you shut it and nod instead. “Good race,” you say dryly, hiding your disdain under a façade of politeness as you move closer to your dad. Then, in a lower tone to him only, will you be long?
“We were just finishing,” he says with a professional smile. “Was telling Charles here that luck just wasn’t on his side today.”
“Sure,” you say, clipped. “We should go if we want to make dinner. Max wants me to visit the afterparty later, so.” You make sure to look at Charles after you say it, so you don’t miss his sudden eyebrow raise and clenched jaw. He downs the Scotch and, with a smile as warm as it is fake, excuses himself for the evening.
“Well, you two should get acquainted. Who knows what his future in Formula One holds? Once that contract’s over, it’s a bidding war.” He claps Charles on the back. “One I might like to win, eh?”
Your dad makes a signal for you to shake his hand, which you do. Like always, the touches between you, however small and indetectible, are electric; you try your best not to look at him when his hand wraps securely around yours, giving it a brief shake. You feel he’s burned you. Everything burns. “We’ve met before,” you say with a polite smile.
“Lovely to see you,” he says bluntly, acting like you haven’t had him lick salt off your neck before.
“You too.” You reply. He’s departing now, collecting his phone and keys.
He turns and smiles. “Hope I meet you again soon.”
“Nice fella, isn’t he?” Your dad asks when it’s just the both of you.
“Yeah. Nice.”
The APM Monaco party is the only one you end up attending. Max drives you both there and gets valet to take care of his Ferrari, leading you both inside. It’s not long before you split into separate directions—you’re looking for a friend, and Max is looking for his team, who have showed up to get drunk, too. You heard Kelly was around, if that mattered. Lets leave @ 2, you suggest. Good? You both discussed it en route, and neither of you wanted to stay late. A thumbs up and heart emoji greets you back.
It’s the same text you stare at at 2:45, antsily waiting for Max at the basement parking. The lobby parking—the main entrance to the place—is swarming with people; influencers, residents, YouTubers, anyone and everyone trying to gain access and catch sight of the lucratively famous drivers.
Thumbs up. Heart. Received 1:08. 
See you at parking? Sent 1:55.
Video FaceTime Call. Missed 2:02.
WHERE ARE YOU? Sent 2:15.
Voicemail, voicemail, and more voicemail. The exit swings open and you’re 100% expecting it to be Max, profusely apologizing for forgetting your mutually-set curfew. Instead you’re faced with, as your father called him, Mr. P6.
He is, of course, smiling. Charming as ever. “I heard from my assistant that you wouldn’t be showing up to any parties. Then I hear Max wanted you to come and cheer for him,” says Charles, his usually jubilant voice low and only a little teasing. His accent is stronger here. It’s less of the English-French-Something he usually uses when speaking English and thick, more natural. “You are one good girlfriend.”
You look up from your phone and the unanswered texts—Maxie where are u? Are u bringing the car? Answer me—and narrow your eyes, mouth coming up into a frown. “What is your problem?”
“Problem?” He laughs. “I don’t have any.” He’s leaning against his car, content to watch you. Another car passes by without pausing to pick you up, leaving through the basement exit instantly. Not Max.
“Okay, then get back inside. You have a whole crowd of fans to appease.”
“I prefer it here.” He looks around the stale garage. “So peaceful.”
“It smells like gas and sweat,” you shoot back with a grimace.
He presses. “You should be happier. Your boyfriend got first place at a prestigious race.” For a moment, you pulse with empathy—you recall the beaten down look on his face when his car and his team failed him again and again and again. But you blink and swallow it.
“Yeah,” you say pointedly. “He always wins. Can you imagine if he got sixth place?”
A flash of something—something hurt, something shocked—surges in his green eyes. But like you, he blinks and it’s gone, replaced with a smile. 
“Can you imagine if he didn’t go home at night?” He teases coolly.
“Right, right,” you say, letting him win that round. “And what’s all of Twitter saying about how all your flings look ‘exactly like Max’s girlfriend’?” You raise two delicate air quotes.
He gaze hardens, then flits down to your phone, open to the unanswered exchange. You quickly shut it off but it’s incentive enough for a continued conversation. “He’s okay?”
“Getting the car.” And like divine timing,  a text from one of Max’s strategists dings in your inbox—a picture of your boyfriend, passed out on the floor of someone’s (you presume his) car. Should be fine by morning we’re about 5 min from his flat. But you don’t have a key to that flat, you realize, because Max suggested you both stay at a hotel for some “much needed relaxation” (you are anything, anything but). 
Can you leave the key? You type, then stare. Max’s girlfriend for almost four years and you have no key. To his home. Embarrassed, you try rephrasing the text but nothing works. You’ll just sleep at the hotel, you think.
You delete the text and press a hand over your face. Fuck’s sake. You’re going to have to ring your driver—thus alerting your dad—at three in the morning for a car because your boyfriend is piss drunk.
“I’ll bring you home.” You look up, almost forgetting Charles was there. He pats the front of his car. “Hotel or Max’s flat?”
“Hot—hotel,” you say, breath catching from stress and embarrassment. “Hotel. Sorry.” You’re embarrassed. You’d gotten that dig on him for being P6 less than two minutes ago, but now you’re climbing into his car, meek and with small, unassuming movements. You almost want to apologize, but that might worsen the awkwardness of it, so you purse your lips and stay relatively quiet.
He doesn’t gloat, like you expect him to, like you maybe would if you were in his position. He does, however, sport a insufferably self-satisfied smirk, like he knows he won tonight somehow even if he didn’t even snag fifth. You grumble quietly from the leather passenger seat, opting to admire the lit-up nightlife of Monaco, alive as ever even as the night wears on.
“Is Max home safe?” He asks, stifling an even bigger smile.
“Oh, go fuck yourself.” You scroll through your many notifications, and find no text from your drunk boyfriend. You look up, finding you’ve turned away from the city centre and into the darker, less populated area. “Where are we?”
“A shortcut.” He revs faster.
“Yeah. Okay. Like, where, specifically?” Your eyes analyze your unfamiliar surroundings. You’re not familiar with Monte Carlo at all to begin with, so the lack of buildings is setting off every internal alarm bell.
“Well,” he chuckles, sensing your apprehension, “it’s a shortcut. Cuts six minutes out of the drive to your hotel.”
“I thought everything was close together here,” you quip, relaxing a little. 
“Not to a native. I know places.”
“Sure.” Your voice wavers. “Charles, I’m going to jump out of the car window if you’re shitting me, I sw—”
Charles throws his head back to laugh, like he can’t even believe you just suggested that. As if deep in thought, he sticks his tongue into his cheek and laughs a little, with exasperation almost. This girl, he seems to think. You stare, transfixed with all the little flexes his face makes.
You break contact when his eyes flicker to your figure, looking at the console first then the window, as if caught stealing a cookie from the jar. “Sue me for being concerned,” you add, for an extra layer of defense.
“You are like your dad.”
Your face warps into one of disdain. “Never say that to me again.”
“Just in the way that”—he waves his hand around to get his point across, laughing as he focuses on the road ahead—“you two are always serious, always working. I mean, you never attended races, even before.”
“You don’t know shit.”
“I like to think you and I know more about each other than we let on.”
He’s right, but you won’t say it. You two have a connection so unlike what two acquaintances, friends, share. It’s undeniable and thick and impossible to uproot, an easy and intense dynamic at the same time. You know so much about him. You know how to make him laugh, hurt his feelings, get his eyes to flutter all pretty. But he knows those things about you, too.
“You only attend races for Max, yes?” He adds.
The utterance of Max’s name gives you mild whiplash—it reminds you you’re on the way to your hotel, to check if your boyfriend’s okay, and not on some drunken joyride with his friend-rival. You clear your throat and try to segue out of the topic. “I just—I take work seriously. I take everything seriously.”
“You shouldn’t.” His eyes flit over to you again, up and down, the low cut of your dress, the way your crossed arms are effortlessly pushing your tits togeth—
“You should loosen up,” he says with a cough, looking back up.
“Thanks for the tip, Leclerc.” You smile phonily, eyes still out the window. “I’ll be sure to put it to good use.”
“Okay.” He says lowly. Then, as if to set a challenge—“Put it to good use now.”
“Now?” How? You almost add, parting your lips to let the question slip past. You stop yourself before you can, though, letting your still hazy mind run through your own fabricated answers. How do I loosen up? Then, to yourself again, for you?
It’s dark outside, and even windier when you roll down the window of his car. He drives fast, steadily but scarily fast—with the kind of control he’s built over a career around a car. You peek out, facing the dark hilly terrain, spotting the city lights in the far distance. Your hair flies over your face when you turn, finding more empty road. Everyone’s in the city. In the thick of the partying.
You dip out of the window more, letting yourself feel the breeze—it whips at your face, cold and smelling of the coast. In the car, you maneuver your legs to keep yourself upright properly, and more of your leg shows as a result, the material riding up on your thighs.
Charles maintains composure, his pace slowing so your hair brushes against your face more gently. Still, a soft, high-pitched yelp of excitement and nerves escapes your bitten lips. He wishes he could watch—he wants nothing more—but he has to focus on the road. He does allow himself fleeting, hot glances at you—your legs, your lithe hands on the window’s base keeping yourself upright, the way your dress hugs your waist. He might die.
“Careful,” he says, raising his voice firmly. He is genuinely concerned for you when he spots one of your hands lifting to rake the hem of your already short dress further down. It’s cold, you’re thinking, but you let your flimsy grip tell him the same story.
Still focusing on his next turn, he drives one-handed, reaching his other one over to help you out. Out of his immediate sight, you shut your eyes and allow yourself to shiver from the feeling of his hand, warm and calloused and big, on your knee, inching higher and higher upward and eventually wrapping loosely around your leg just above your knee, holding you steady.
A shaky breath leaves you, and you’ll say it was because of the wind, but you’ll know you’re wrong. Your hand moves down, to meet his, to let your fingertips skate over the expanse of his hand until your fingers are wound tightly around his. It’s dark. It’s intimate. It’s all you’ve ever wanted.
Your mind is buzzing, red hot and clouded, when you begin to lead him upward, higher, until your interlocked hands are just under the hem of your dress, dangerously close to where you need him most. An invitation. 
But when you crack your eyes open again you see you’re near the city, abandoning the safety and darkness of the shortcut, and the illusion is shattered.
“Get back in,” you hear, and when you feel the tension of his hand pulling yours, you let him tug you back inside. Your hair settles by your face, and you almost reach up to comb it neat before realizing your hand’s still caught in his. Slowly, your gaze meets his—his eyes bore into you, dark as the night outside. They don’t flicker when you hastily pull your hand from his grip, sighing shakily.
The next turn brings you back into the city, structures gaining a semblance of familiarity. The window, still open, is chilly against you, your cheeks cold with it, your shoulders inflicted by a mild wash of goosebumps. “Have fun?”
You clear your throat. “Not much,” you lie through your teeth, chewing on your lip. 
“We are near the hotel.” The hotel, the party, the grand prix, Max. Reminders of what you’re supposed to be paying attention to ripple through your head as the car snakes through the city. It’s one of his other cars, so it’s not distinct enough that people are peeking inside; still, he rolls up the window for your sake.
He drops you off at the basement parking, not at the lobby. Privacy reasons, he says. He’s sick of parking outside. You bite back a quip about his nasty parking and stay still, heart beating quick.
“Thanks,” you say softly. “For driving me.”
“You’re welcome.” A hand rests on your thigh and you don't feel the resolve to jerk it, instead relishing in its warmth there. “Get there safe.”
“Safe? It’s one elevator ride,” you say tersely, rolling your eyes. He squeezes, his touch feather light, and your breath hitches. You need—
“I hope Max is okay.”
You blink and then move your thigh so his hand slides off; he doesn’t put up a fight, and you don’t encourage him to. “So do I.” It’s right as you’re closing the door when Charles says see you? You meet his eyes, eyebrows furrowed, and shut the door fully.
“Yeah,” you say after a period of silence. “I feel it.”
Across you, hair raked back by a headband, Seb maintains lack of conviction. You’re not telling him the truth.
“How’s it feel then?”
“Just… good. Like thrilling.” Like danger, in a good way, peaceful and calm and patient and not complicated. You know what you want. You want the ring-clad hand wound around yours, on your thigh, stubble against your jaw. You want that. You know you want that.
But do you have it?
Max’s agenda in Barcelona starts on the eve of quali day. He arrives at your hotel and is greeted with music—it flows from the bathroom, where, upon his inspection, he finds you, swiping a dark line of eyeliner on in the mirror. You meet his eyes briefly, but you say nothing before continuing, humming softly to the Drake song that plays from your phone. He can tell instantly: you’re pissed.
“I’m leaving,” is all you say, dismissive and standoffish. You provide no follow-up.
Still, he tries to apologize. “The meeting ran late.” Silence. “Your dad discussed budgetary stuff.” Silence. “I’m optimistic for pole tomorrow.” And again, silence. “Come on, babe. I’m sorry. Really.”
“Okay.” You pause. “What was Kelly doing there?”
His mouth opens and then closes. “Wh—”
“Ben told me.” You wave a wand of mascara around.
“She was listening.”
“What’s her business?”
“Listening,” he emphasizes.
“Bullshit.” You’re on—he guesses—eyeshadow now. “Every time the topic gets to her, you get all skittish. As fuck. You think I don’t notice?”
“Babe,” he says, defensive, “it’s only because I couldn’t even stomach the idea of being with someone else.” And it’s cheesy and corny, but it must work, because your eyes flicker with something. Love, perhaps—clarity. Realization that you’re being irrational (are you?)
“I think I’m just,” you croak. “Just. Missing you. We never spend time together anymore—and after the stunt you pulled in Monte Carlo—” You press two delicate fingers on either side of your nosebridge to emulate your disappointment. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? You were in someone’s car, blacked out. And no apology. Nothing. Just invited me to lunch the next day with your dad.” A topic you hate and a man you detest spending time with.
“I know. I’m sorry, baby.” He comes in to hug you from behind and thanks the gods that you let him, your hands encircling his wrists. “I was being stupid. Won’t happen again.”
You just nod along, still annoyed but enough that it’s beginning to melt off. Max is sated. But even then, he should’ve known that the flicker of something in your eyes wasn’t love or clarity, the flicker he catches again in the mirror when he presses a kiss to your cheek.
It’s neither. It’s guilt.
Quali is relatively uneventful—Max gets pole, and Charles gets something something. A good place, front row you think, but you fail to remember. Ben told you the standings, but you weren’t focused; you’ve been spacey, distracted, mind irreversibly stuck on something else during the session. Max can tell, and offers to take you out to dinner, but you decline so he leaves you by yourself nursing a Tylenol. The night is almost over, and you’re collecting your car keys and slinging your bag over your shoulder—but the evening is punctuated by a familiar English accent.
“Come on,” goads Lando, voice petulant and whiny as he tugs on your wrists. “Max said he’d be busy so he needs a proxy. He sucks at the game, anyway, you’re not filling big shoes or anything.”
The tradition (you use the term loosely) of drivers’ poker, started by Lando’s desire to master the game, is apparently so important it demands your attendance. You’ve had your run-ins with poker before, so you feel assured, but none with a volatile group of competitive guys like this one, so it’s on the fence.
“Where?” You suppose, though, that your mind could use a little clearing. A game, a win of sorts.
“My hotel room. I’ve just”—he types rapidly on his phone and presents your text exchange with him—“sent you the number.”
“Who’s playing?” You walk to your car and he follows, still insistent.
“The yoozsh,” he says, shortening usual the way a prepubescent boy might. “Alex, me, Charles, Carlos, Lance. We play a good game. The stakes can get pretty high. And I’ve won a couple times, so beware.”
You laugh a little, raising your brows skeptically. “Sure.”
“I’m dead serious, mate.” He says solemnly as he waves goodbye, standing idly and watching you start your car through the half-rolled window. “See ya. I am going to kick your ass.”
“Is this the part where you kick my ass?” You laugh, everyone peering at Lando’s shit hand that he’s presented to the table. “Out!” The game’s since been decimated to just you, Charles, a pool of money, and a thick atmosphere of slow, deliberate silence.
The rest of the players watch you and Charles, conveniently seated across each other, entranced by the easy back and forth that swings between the both of you. You peer down at your cards, then half-lidded, back up at him. His eyes bore into you, challenging, amused.
Tense, you hear faintly. Lando’s unsolicited commentary. In between you both is a scattered pile of creased bills of varying currencies, chips, a condom thrown in by Lance, and a few spare coins. It’s a huge pool despite how random it is, and even if it doesn’t cost much to anybody in the room considering how much you all earn, the prestige of calling yourself a winner still takes precedence.
Underneath the table, your foot brushes against his, the tip of your heel to the side of his sneaker. You poke your tongue into your cheek to conceal a smile, refusing to meet his eyes again.
“You seem nervous,” he says, trying his best to elicit a reaction out of you.
“Could say the same to you,” you quip, tracing the hem of his jeans with your foot. His breath hitches and you take it as a win, smiling to yourself.
“I’ve had a four game winning streak.” He fans his cards out. “Nothing to lose.”
“Oh?” Your legs continue to intertwine out of sight of everybody else, the friction of your bare calf to the denim of his jeans a warm addition to your already intense match. “Say bye to five.” Lando deals the final cards and the tension hangs heavy, palpable in the air as you both calculate your next moves. Carlos eyes the two of you, sensing something else is at stake here. The air is just too heavy.
“We’ll see,” he whistles, revealing his cards. The group seems to hold one collective, bated breath, waiting for you to take your turn. You do so with a self-satisfied smile, your foot still intertwined with his calf as you begin laying your cards down on the table. You slowly reveal a stunning winning hand, and Lando is the first to get up and cheer loudly. 
Charles shrugs and hands you your victory with a handshake, pushing the pool of winnings in your direction. “Congratulations.”
“When you’re with a winner,” you tease lowly, just in Charles’ earshot, “you are a winner.”
He snorts. “Whatever you say.”
You both miss Carlos and Alex exchanging a glance first with you and Charles, smiling teasingly at each other—and the way his eyes go from yours, to your lips, and back to your eyes—then with each other, eyes half-wide and half-puzzled.
The race is intense, and Max suffers damage in the middle of it. It’s a rare occasion, but it costs him place after place until he’s vying not for P1, but P4. He doesn’t win today. You watch Charles cross the checkered flag yourself, watch the footage of him throwing his fists up in the air.
You’re there to watch the Red Bull engineers grumble, mutter dissent, wish themselves luck for the next weekend. You’re there when your dad says Charles is the team’s biggest liability. Imagine if we had him, he’d said. You imagine Charles in a Red Bull suit, but the image is cut short by your boyfriend’s arrival to the garage.
The video feedback on your father’s TV, of Charles spraying champagne all over everywhere, his green eyes meeting the camera with a brilliant charm, is abruptly cut off and you turn to find Max entering. His demeanor is stormy.
“P6,” you say immediately, sensing the pending grumbling. “Not so ba—”
“It’s a shitshow,” he retorts, disgruntled. But he’s at the top of the standings, leagues above the rest; he has nothing to worry about. Driving-wise, at least. “Fucking shitshow.”
“Max,” you comfort. “You did well. The damage was out of your control.”
But he’s pissed, and in the thick of his emotion, he pays your sentiments no mind. To him. it’s all the same regurgitated bullshit. Eventually, though he calms down, finds you in the motorhome and wraps you in a loose hug. “Love you.”
“Yeah, yeah.” You smile. “Love you, too.”
He leaves early for a meeting—so many meetings, these days—and promises to meet you for dinner, requesting you text him. You watch him leave, slip into his car and drive off, and then call yourself a car to the hotel. You figure it’s high time you spend quality time with Max, what with all the instances you’ve been fighting or ignoring each other.
You leave at six, taking the elevator to the basement to get to your own car, parked there. You’re optimistic. A dinner. A date. Finally, some time with him. This is what you want. The coil in your belly, though, and the congratulatory text left unsent, tell you a different story. It’s one you choose to ignore.
The elevator has a bar slotted across the back wall that you lean on, typing updates to Ben and Max. The drive shouldn’t be long, you hope. You can’t navigate the new city fast enough. The door dings open and you make a move to exit, but you’re stopped by a figure across you.
Charles, in his Armani tee, arms crossed and eyes flashing with recognition when the doors reveal you. He’s still fussed up from the race, probably forced to stick around for promo pictures and interviews. His hair’s damp still. You notice the imprint of his balaclava is only just starting to soften and fade.
Your words tangle in your throat. “Congratulations,” is all you can muster when you see him. You don’t inch close. He, too, remains stagnant, standing perfectly still. Not even a smile. Like the tension between you forms a barrier as physical as it is emotional. “You drove great.” Your hand tightens around your phone, where you’ve just texted Max that you’re leaving the hotel.
“We should really stop meeting in parking garages.” He says lowly, with a small smile. 
You step forward twice. “I was just leaving anyw—”
“Wait.” For a second, his voice breaks and he sounds—desperate, almost. “Remember Monaco? Last week. You told me you liked winners.” Somehow you find yourself allowing him to near you, stepping backwards for every step he takes closer, even if you realize you’re hogging the elevator, and that people might be waiting to arrive to this floor. “You told me… imagine if he got sixth.”
He steps into the elevator with you, and the doors automatically close behind him; it remains still, but he presses the stop button for good measure. He’s right in front of you, tired eyes and stubble and tall, broad, big. He sees right through you. He knows you. Your buttons, your quirks, everything.
“It was a joke,” you say, attempting to establish composure as you pocket your phone. You fail. You always fail. It’s him. Still, you try, hard enough that he thinks you don’t want him to come even closer, to cage you against the back wall of the tiny basement elevator. “I apologized.”
“Nevermind that.” A hand on the bar of the elevator, just by your waist. His grip is tight. He needs to channel all this want somewhere. “What do winners get?”
“Charles.” Your voice comes out shaky.
“Just this once,” he says. He needs it so bad. You’re so pretty today, eyes looking right up at him, lips bitten the way they always are. He’s taller, he’s bigger, he’s got the upper hand physically—what, with the way you’re crowded up against the wall, nearly having to go on your tiptoes if you want to maintain distance. Your eyes flutter. Just this once. Four years. Just this once. Break a rule. But this isn’t a rule, you remind yourself woefully—it’s all the rules. “I care for you, you know.”
Your silence grants elaboration.
“You’re too serious. But everyone around you is, too.” Closer. “Max, your dad, your coworkers. You just need someone who can calm you down. Help you get peace of mind. No complications, you know.” Closer, even closer. “Someone who’s patient. Calm.”
You stare up at him, your hands unmoving until they’re slowly coming up to press against his abdomen, the hard surface there. You could push him away. You should, in fact, push and forget and walk away and apologize for the delay. But they remain planted there, eyes still meeting his. They’re so green, green and staring right into you, his parted lips just a little chapped, his stubble uneven and getting longer. You want to feel it rubbing your chin raw. Your inner thighs. 
He steps closer and now you’re on your tiptoes, legs spreading a little to accommodate him. His hands are still on the bar. Yours, on his abdomen. You miss the way he squeezes the bar, so strong and with so, so much pent up feelings you’d think he bent it out of shape. He wants so badly for you to be his. And more than that—if that were even possible—for him to be yours. 
Lightly, you bunch up the material of his tee, cotton wound in-between your fingers. Push him, you tell yourself. Push him away. Let go. You’ve had your resolve tested before. But you know better. You know that it’s never come to this. Again, he steps forward, and this time a hand leaves the bar and rests, gentle as it is firm, on your waist, just below it—his thumb presses against your hip. Your breath hitches.
Push him.
He comes closer and you’re fully pressed against the wall, half-seated on the bar, half held up by him—your skirt’s ridden up, legs spread and dangling on either side of his figure. Silence. Your breathing. Your eyes, big and anticipatory, staring into his, dark and desperate. 
Push him.
“It can be—”
You adjust your grip around his tee, ready to loosen it and let go and—and for a second you feel the solid plane of his abs—
“—my prize.”
Push him. You tighten your grip, and pull him in to slot your mouths together. 
His lips are warm, and soft, and he has another hand on your jaw now, but it’s so big it’s at your neck too. You part your lips to let his tongue slip in, and the kiss is nothing if not desperate. He’s wanted this for so long, to feel you like this, have your lips pressed against his. And you’d be dishonest if you said you disagreed. You don’t want to part for air. You feel like this could satiate you enough, just the movement of his lips, the scent of his cologne.
He needs to be closer to you—so he places two hands on your waist and naturally, it lets your legs wrap around him. You can feel how hard he is, and the reminder is dizzying. He wants you. But there is no upper hand here. If he lets his hands wander, he’d feel the damp of your panties and realize you’re just as bad as he is.
But for now it’s a kiss, messy and hot—passionate and just one big breath of finally. Your hands go from his abdomen to his face, cupping him on either side. It’s romantic, fuck—but you’ve craved this for so long, you cherish every second. His stubble rubs your chin raw. You trace patterns on his face, find indents of moles with your eyes closed. The kisses are searing. 
Even if you both want it, and even if this creaky elevator grants you a semblance of the privacy, you both know this won’t be leading to sex. Just this—just this. It’s all he’s ever wanted. Your hands on his jaw, his shoulders, the nape of his neck. His, on your waist, your throat, your hips. Your gasps mingling with his. 
The kiss takes and takes and takes, and it’s long, but you take and give four years’ worth of want and tension and frustration. You part, forehead pressed against his, and the absence leaves you empty—you inch forward and kiss him again, let it consume you, before you part again.
His eyes won’t stop staring. In the way they always look at you. With want. With something. A glint.
“First and last,” you say, lifted against the wall of the elevator, your hands around his face. Your thumbs roam over his face. He sets you down, breath heavy, and still his hands are on your waist and yours on his face. It was your cue to leave. But you can’t. Not yet.
Your thumbs go over his eyebrows, his eyelashes so his eyes flutter; the mark of his balaclava, the indent there; his nose, his cheeks, wiping the sweat there, then lower, finally to his lips. One thumb rests softly in the centre. Just seconds ago those lips had been pressed to yours, bringing a type of clarity you never knew existed. Everything, for just those moments, made perfect sense.
“You lie.” He repeats.
You tiptoe to kiss him again and he can’t seem to get enough, his eyebrows furrowed—so much he almost looks angry, anguished—when you kiss. “First and last,” you say breathlessly when you pull away.
He shakes his head. “You’re going to come right back to me,” he says, with so much finality and conviction it’s almost a fact. “You always will, you always do.” His eyes are shut even when you don’t kiss, relishing in your proximity. 
And when you part, he watches you leave, with something between desperation and anguish. You don’t realize, he thinks, just how deep he is in his attraction. His connection to you. It consumes him, burns him alive, and it’s leaving him for someone else.
You ring the elevator open again, wiping your lips. He lets it close, leaning against the wall himself. And you both realize, with a heavy breath as you climb into your car and he disembarks the elevator: there is no way either of you will resist it anymore. That was the first, yes. But to say it was the last would be stark, stark lying.
You’re still licking syrup off the corner of your lip when you walk out of the hotel breakfast buffet, letting Max explain the fundamentals of a race to you. He’d apologized earlier, for not meeting you at the Monza afterparty last night—he’d gotten caught in something or other. But he’s kind, and inserts a few jokes here and there to get a laugh out of you, your eyes crinkling under the heavy lens of your sunglasses, sandals clicking against the outdoor garden cement floor. 
He’s talking, and then trails off. Oh, he says, this is a mate of mine. You look up to make small talk and smile politely, but your face falls faster than you can pick it up. Tall and in sunglasses, too, is Charles Leclerc. You thought they were colleagues, not friends—this is chaos. You reach out to shake his hand, your free hand coming up to press against the splotch of concealer. Just in case.
The handshake is stiff and it reminds you of tequila and lemon, salt and teeth and kitten licks down your throat and right to the crest of your cleavage. But you blink and shake once, up and down. Firm.
“Nice to meet you.” He says, smiling. Then, to Max: “Girlfriend?”
“Hope so,” jokes Max, eyeing you. You laugh.
Charles smiles to himself, smug. He eyes you through his sunglasses with something caught in longing and want. “I hope so, too.”
Dinner is short and, despite your best efforts to make it a good one, boring. The food is good and sufficiently expensive, the way all European restaurants are. But nothing flows, ebbs. You talk of the same things: Red Bull, Red Bull, and if you have time, Red Bull. You ask about work, but it’s nothing you haven’t already heard. Max doesn’t ask about work, so the conversation descends into a limbo of silence and sips of rosé. “I’m pretty sure the next race is going to be great.”
“Charles drove great today,” says Max. “Didn’t he?”
You pause, then nod. “Yeah. Yeah, I mean, objectively so.”
“I was going to congratulate him… lost him on the paddock though.” He sips, drawing it out. “You seen him?”
“No,” you say, pithy. “Haven’t.”
“Okay.” He waves his hand upward to signal the bill. “I’ll drop you off and head out for the night. Helmut stuff.” 
You’re torn between feeling suspicious and recalling the events of the elevator, so you nod tersely instead and make the necessary small talk from the table to the car. His hand on your waist, the same place Charles’ was just hours ago. It sends you into a cloudy mental spiral. Just thinking about it—about the way he’d gasped your name in between kisses, like he’d die if you didn’t kiss him again.
“I’m sorry,” Max says when he pulls up at the hotel entrance. “For all the work stuff. And for inviting you to lunch with my dad.” A weak laugh escapes you and you find his hand to squeeze it. It’s okay, you convey, and hope it’s enough that he lets the topic quell for now.
Your silence is permissive, so he continues. “I’ll make it up to you, okay?” Leans over and presses a sure kiss to your cheek. “As soon as I can.”
You nod and climb out, praying he didn’t see you shudder. The trek to the elevator, eyes skittish and searching for a sign of Charles, is tiring, and you find reprieve only when you’re pushing the door to the penthouse suite open, toeing your sandals off and dropping your bag just by the entryway. You freeze when you hear a glass clink from the living area. You’d gotten this suite for you and Max, and definitely nobody else.
Brandishing a bunch of keys in-between your fingers, you tiptoe into the area and find, to your confusion and shock, your dad. He’s seated on the couch toying with a glass of whiskey, eyes lighting up when he sees you, even if you look like a psycho with claws.
“Hi, honey.”
“Dad.” You drop your keys on the coffee table as you near him, and exchange a kiss and hug. “Wh—did you get a key from…?”
“Ben.” He smiles. “I thought I would surprise you.”
“Yeah, you more scared me.” You quip, laughing. Then you recall a detail and follow-up on it. “Max—um, he said you had a meeting?”
“Meeting? None scheduled tonight,” he says, frowning and opening his Calendar app. Nothing.
A dry quiet creeps up into the room and settles.
You pour yourself a glass and seat yourself beside him, drinking. You share a conversation for the duration of two glasses and then he’s leaving. The kiss he stamps on your forehead, you notice, is more meaningful, conveys a deeper message, lasts longer. He knows what you know now.
The usual sleepiness that comes with alcohol doesn’t arrive and you fall into an uneasy sleep; it doesn’t help that Max calls in past two, saying he’s crashing at the hotel room he bought for his dad instead of your hotel. You listen to the slurred voicemail, eyes shut and nose buried in the pillow. Eventually you lull yourself to sleep, awaiting the promise of morning and clarity.
Morning brings a day off. A break. But your mind does not cease to be cloudy, instead becoming even more muddled with questions and pivots and forks in the road. It helps, you suppose, that Max isn’t home. It might’ve worsened everything. You wrestle your way through a glass of water and a cup of tea, try out yoga, and even attempt going back to sleep. But it’s no use; you’re antsy.
So instead of suppressing the thoughts, you theorize, it’s better to lean into them. Succumb to them, the tempt and guilt of them. It might help you navigate the confusion of everything. So you do—you think of your years-long history with Charles, your relationship with Max. The hiding, the suppression, the pretending. Fleeting touches.
You think of how well Charles knows you, inside and out, of how good he kissed you even if he hadn’t ever kissed you before. His hands, the way he said your name, the hitch in his breath when your hands dared to venture just a little lower. The want, the pure want—the want so unadulterated even one kiss was enough. Images of close calls fill your head. All the times you were high, giggly and leaning into him, on the edge of flirty in some dark corner of a club. Your connection has always been, and will always be, completely and absolutely undeniable. No matter how hard you try.
Guilt fills you at the same time. And with the guilt—confusion. Where is Max? He wasn’t at a meeting last night, and you suspect you know exactly where he is. Who he’s with. Can you really be angry, though? Is it a feedback loop of the same thing, the same morally grey actions? Is this all your relationship has been reduced to? Questions, questions, and more questions flood the corners of your head.
Thoughts are put to a standstill when the door shakes with two knocks. 
You rake your hair back and climb out of bed, into the main room, still in your lace pajamas. It might be the complimentary hotel breakfast or Max arriving, you guess. Maybe your dad—he’s apparently in the business of keying himself into your hotel rooms.
So you don’t bother looking through the peephole, undoing the latch with haste and dexterity before you’re hauling the heavy door open and staring breathlessly at the other side.
Abu Dhabi greets Max and you with fanfare, with a plethora of paddock paparazzi and even a few gossip rags asking questions. Some journalists drop a check-in, cameras zeroing in on your intertwined hands and your shared smiles. She’s the World Champ’s! seems to be the pervasive headline lately, and your pictures from today will no doubt exacerbate it.
He squeezes your hand when you finally gain semi-privacy, entering the motorhome. Your dad sees you, sees Max, offers a wave that you both return. Your eyes go from wide and smiling to a little blank and dismissive, a change minute but noticeable. “You okay?” He calls after you when you enter his room.
You drop your Kelly—the bag—on the seat by the door and gather your hair to rest on one side. “Fine. You nervous?”
 “The planned strategy was horseshit.” Max is right and for the sake of your dad, it worries you.
“Yeah, yeah. I think I’ll talk to Dad for a bit. You’ll be okay alone?” You’re getting up already.
“Wait—” He pauses when you’re kissing his cheek as a goodbye. “I thought we were getting lunch.”
“Oh.” You pause to think. “We can get dinner, then.”
“No,” he says. “I’m going to be with Jos.”
“Drinks.” You leave no room for argument and leave with the door shutting softly behind you.
He stares at the just-closed door, your bag slung over the chair, the way you keep pressing against a certain spot on your neck. You are hiding something—Max just can’t put his finger on it.
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strwberri-milk · 4 months
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Reader and the men love each other but in their denial phase. Reader thinks they don't deserve the men. They think their love is so selfish so they don't want reader being bothered by it. So how can they overcome their fear and be together? Are there any events made them think that "no, I must tell her/him about my feelings, right here, right now"? Who is the first to confess?
Emotional hurt/comfort, confession, maybe crying from happiness? A lotttt of kisses and hugs after that.
Character: Childe, Thoma, Wriothesley, Lyney. I'm sorry if this request sounds too specific. Always love your work. Hope you have a nice day.
Thoma and Lyney both don't understand why you're suddenly avoiding him. The two of you are close friends and he didn't think that he did anything in particular that would warrant you practically running away from him whenever he sees you. He never thought that he was obvious about the way he feels about you but there was a chance that it slipped through, as much as he hopes to believe that's not the case.
It takes him gently convincing you to talk to him about what's happening. At first he's worried he did somehow hurt you and he's not sure how to apologise when he can't diagnose the issue. You try your best to phrase the way you're feeling but when you hear him try to apologise you end up having to stop him. You don't want him to think he hurt you and in that panic you end up confessing to him that it's because you're in love with him and you don't think you deserve him. The stress eats at you and you start crying a little, not sure what else to do with the way you feel.
He blinks at you, a little confused by what you just said and then laughs a little, good naturedly of course. He isn't laughing at you, just at the situation. He reassures you that it's fine and he's not going to hate you for liking him and honestly, he's glad. He confesses that he likes you too but didn't know how to confess. Now that your feelings are out in the open he hugs you tightly, wiping away your tears and kissing your cheeks sweetly. He lets you take as much time as you need before he asks you out more formally, wanting to cheer you up as much as possible.
Childe and Wriothesley both can tell right away that something's wrong. You've been avoiding him in conversation and not being as open as you usually are around him. He decides to be a little more tactful though, not wanting to say anything to you outright for fear that it'd just make you balk even more.
It seems to him that you aren't going to be telling him what's wrong any time soon and he's not going to press the issue. It still nags at him though, even more so when he's told he's going to be going on a trip for a month for business. A part of him wants to confess his feelings to you so you have a month without him to think about it but another part of him thinks it'd be cruel to leave after dropping a bombshell like that. He knows he'll have to break the news to you in regards to his departure at the least soon, but considering how cagey you've been around him he's not sure if he should.
You end up finding out through other means that he's leaving, showing up at his door one day to ask him if what you heard is true. When he tells you that it is you get quiet again, him deciding that now's a good a time as any to ask you what's wrong. He confronts you about your abnormal behaviour and tells you that if you don't want to tell him then that's fine but it's not fair to him for you to treat him differently for something he can't change.
He's a little surprised about how upset you seem, figuring that he's touched a nerve. Before he can apologise for the way he asked you the question you blurt out it's because you know you don't have a chance with him and that you feel like he's being too nice to you and it just hurts. You keep going and all he can think about is how he should have come clean sooner, horrified that his own doubts made you feel that way.
He scoops you up into a hug as you ramble, hugging you tightly as he can to reassure you that none of that is true. He tells you that he's been hiding his feelings from you for a while because of his fear of how you'd receive them, worried it'd weigh you down. You tearfully tell him that he'd never burden you with such thoughts and that you were incredibly worried that he didn't actually like you.
Soon enough you're inside on his couch cuddling up to him as he promises to take you on a proper date after the he returns. You tell him you're going to hold him to that promise as he kisses your forehead, more than happy to keep his word if it means seeing you this happy as a result.
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melzula · 1 month
Text
North and South
part three
pairing: zuko x princess!reader
notes: we’re finally at the end! i hope you guys like some of the changes i made to the original comic storyline :)
summary: with Gilak in jail and the Northerners gone you assume the worst is over, but the festival incident was just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how far the man is willing to go
~ part of the fire lilies series ~
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You don’t understand how everything has gotten so out of control.
What was meant to be a wonderful celebration of your friends’ return home had quickly been ruined Gilak’s ambush, and if not for Katara’s ability to heal Hakoda woukd have lost his life tonight. Tensions are high in the South, and you find yourself overwhelmed with worry for the future of the Water Tribe. If your people can’t even get along with each other, how will you ever be able to connect with the other nations?
“I don’t know what to do,” you admit in defeat as Zuko watches you pace back and forth from his place on your bed. “I know Gilak doesn’t speak for everyone, and for the most part everyone has been onboard with the changes we’ve made to the South, but there are still some Southerners who share his sentiment, and I don’t know how to fix it so that everyone is happy.”
“That’s the thing, y/n,” Zuko corrects you gently, being sure to phrase his words carefully so as to not upset you, “you can’t make everyone happy. It’s impossible. As leader you have to do what’s best for the majority, even if it means not everyone will like it. Just look at the New Ozai Society. They’ll never be happy no matter what I do as Fire Lord, but I don’t let their dislike for my decisions influence how I lead the Fire Nation.”
“I suppose you’re right,” you relent with a dejected sigh, flopping down beside him in defeat and sprawling out onto the blankets. “I just can’t help but feel like I should be doing more as Chief. I didn’t know about Gilak and his army, and I certainly didn’t know about Maliq’s ulterior motives regarding the oil refinery. Shouldn’t I have known?”
“You can’t be everywhere at once. You have to remember you’ve been busy rebuilding an entire tribe from the ground up while also trying to restore a part of your culture that was almost lost forever. You’re doing more than enough, and your people are grateful for all you do,” he assures you with a careful smile as he gently pushes back the hair from your face. “Maliq and his crew are leaving by morning and Gilak is in jail. Tomorrow will be better.”
“I’m so glad you’re here,” you express earnestly as you pull yourself up and press a kiss to his cheek. “I don’t know how I’d get through all of this without you.”
“Well it’s a good thing you don’t have to,” he smiles before sweetly brushing his nose against your own. After the chaos of the day, it’s nice to finally have a moment to settle down with your boyfriend, and you’re appreciative of the comfort Zuko always manages to bring you no matter how stressful the situation.
“Did you at least have fun at the festival? You know, before the whole drill incident,” you ask with a sheepish smile as you begin to carefully remove the braids you’d styled into Zuko’s hair for the party.
“I did,” he breathes out in a laugh, immediately melting at the sensation of your careful fingers combing through his hair. “It was a wonderful festival.”
He says nothing more as you continue to brush through his locks; it’s gotten longer since the last time you’ve seen him, and you enjoy the change. You’ve always loved his hair, and you appreciate the fact that he allows you the intimacy of brushing it for him.
“Do you think the conference will go well tomorrow? I’m afraid it might be too soon to start our work with the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation if we can’t even seem to get along with the North.”
“You can’t wait for progress,” Zuko notes thoughtfully. “Making connections will only improve the South’s rebuilding process.”
You hum thoughtfully in response, but your mind begins to wander. You’re trying to see things from an open perspective, making changes that will benefit your people without forgetting about their past, but you haven’t been completely open to Hakoda’s suggestions. You were quick to shut down the idea of the oil rig despite its benefits, and though you’d been proven right about the problems such a project could cause, you also knew that not using available resources would also stunt the tribe’s growth. Zuko says you can’t wait for progress, but how do you know when the time is right?
“We should rest,” you suggest after finishing your work. “We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”
“I guess you’re right,” he relents with a sigh before rising from his seat on your bed. “I’ll see you in the morning?”
“You will,” you assure him before gifting him a kiss goodnight and watching him exit your room. Now alone, you collapse back onto your bed with an exhausted sigh.
“Tomorrow will be better,” you try to remind yourself.
But you’re not sure if you entirely believe that.
~~~
The day is calmer now that the construction crew is gone and Gilak is locked away. There are a handful of protestors outside the palace gates who demand that all foreigners leave the South, but they don’t seem to speak for the majority of your people, and for that you are grateful. Sokka and Toph manage crowd control while you prepare for the arrival of King Kue and the conference that is to take place today. Things are normal for the most part and your plans are back on track, so you try to remain positive and focused on the tasks at hand.
“Are you sure this conference is a good idea, y/n?” Katara asks after pulling you aside to express her concerns with you privately, the uncertainty clear on her features. “After everything that’s happened maybe the South just needs to handle things on its own first before starting to work with other nations.”
“I understand your concern, but with most of the Northerners gone we basically are on our own now. There are just some things the South can’t do by itself, so collaborating with other countries will not only give us connections but possible resources as well. I have to look at the bigger picture here.”
Katara is silent for a moment as she digests your words, but after a few moments of contemplation she finally gives you a nod. “I trust you’ll do what’s best for the tribe. I just don’t want us to end up becoming a cheap imitation of the North or lose our identity by inviting other Nations into our home.”
“Do you remember the conflict that arose during the Harmony Restoration Movement when the Earth King tried to separate the colonies?” You ask her with a faint smile, continuing when she gives you a puzzled yes as an answer. “We realized keeping the Fire and Earth people apart would do more harm than good for the future of the world and decided we needed to work together to build peace. Our entire friend group is composed of different nations, and our relationships too. My future with Zuko is dependent on our homes working together, on our people connecting with one another, and so I ask that you try to view this situation the same way you viewed it then.”
“I guess I never thought of it that way,” the water bender admits guiltily, your words obviously having struck a nerve with her. Who was she to pick and choose who got to work together and who didn’t? You had a point, and it was making her question how she truly felt about the changes occurring in her home.
“Chief y/n,” Hakoda calls from the doorway, promptly ending your discussion with Katara, “King Kue has arrived.”
The Earth King enters the meeting room with a look of awe as he observes the interior of the chamber and admires the Southern architecture of the building, and you promptly bow in respect in his presence before offering him your hand to shake.
“King Kue, it’s my honor to have you here in the South. We greatly appreciate you taking the time to attend this conference.”
“I’ve been wanting to visit the South Pole for years since meeting you all! It’s wonderful albeit freezing,” he admits with a sheepish chuckle while taking your hand.
“We’re happy to have you here, and after the conference I’d be glad to give you a tour,” you sincerely assure him before guiding him to his seat.
With all of your friends and the king present, you’re able to begin your presentation alongside Hakoda. You let him and Malina take the reins for the first half as they detail their plans to create an updated harbor for the South. They explain the logistics and the benefits of the project before allowing you to take over and explain the diplomatic prospects.
“Our hope is that this harbor will give the world a chance to visit our home and partake in our commerce as well as educate themselves on our history. Through outreach we hope to build stronger connections with our neighboring nations and establish an era of harmony and peace,” you explain with a pleased smile, eager to convey your ideas for the other leaders to hear. This is definitely the biggest thing you’ve done as Chief so far, and you briefly wonder if your father would be proud to see how far you’ve come.
“Chief y/n also came up with the idea of establishing embassies in both of your nations as well as allowing you to do the same here to further outreach between our people. However, as advisor I must note we don’t necessarily have the funds to enact this plan,” Hakoda states plainly, exchanging glances with you before looking to Zuko and Kue, “and that is why we’ve invited you here. We would be thrilled to have your partnership to make this vision a reality and strengthen the bond between our homes.”
You hopefully scan the room to gauge their reactions, and for the most part everyone seems to be open to your plan- well, everyone but Katara. It isn’t easy to ignore the subtle disapproval on her features and her obvious hesitance to opening up the South to the world, and it diminishes your optimistic mood. You recall what Zuko had said about not being to make everyone happy, but it’s hard to do when it’s one of your closest friends that seems to disapprove of your choices.
“You can count the Fire Nation in,” Zuko says proudly while directing his gaze from Hakoda to you. “Your people have suffered so much destruction at our hands, and we are grateful for the opportunity to help you rebuild.”
“Thank you, Fire Lord Zuko. Your efforts are greatly appreciated,” you express sincerely, taking extra care to be professional when speaking to your boyfriend in front of your peers.
“I’m sorry that the Earth Kingdom can’t offer our support so readily. We have so many of our own needs at home,” King Kue states sullenly with obvious disappointment clear in his tone. “But if I could show my advisers that the Southern Water Tribe is going to make measurable, concrete progress toward civilization-“
“Excuse me?!” Katara butts in harshly. The offense is clear in her tone, and her outburst takes everyone by surprise.
“Oh dear, please forgive the clumsiness of my words, Katara! I should have phrased it differently,” he quickly interjects in a panic. “We would simply want you to achieve a higher form where the South becomes a cleaner, safer, nicer-“
“King Kue,” you interrupt gently as you do your best to remain calm despite your displeasure at his words, “please be mindful when speaking about our home. You are a guest here, and just as we treat you with respect we expect the same.”
“Of course! What I meant to say was-“
“Chief y/n!” A voice interrupts as one of your guards bursts into the room. His tone and features are full of urgency as he approaches. “We’ve just received an alert from the prison! Gilak and his army-“
You cry out in horror as the man is swiftly knocked unconscious by a boomerang, and all your friends quickly jump up from the table in preparation to defend themselves from the oncoming threat. Zuko is by your side in an instant, guarding your figure with his own so that you’re kept away from the danger. He knows you can handle yourself, but after what happened with Koa he isn’t taking any chances this time.
Gilak and his men flood through the doorway, his malicious gaze focused on Hakoda who stands in the center of the room and protectively shields Malina from the group.
“Look at you, Hakoda. So eager to sell our tribe to foreign masters! And you,” he says in disdain as he points his boomerang in your direction, “so easy to be brainwashed by your advisor and your ash maker boyfriend. So easy to manipulate and fool. Perhaps Koa was right about you, y/n. What does a little girl know about running a tribe?”
“You watch your mouth!” Sokka cries out harshly in defense of you and his father.
“You watch it, boy. We’re taking over this meeting.”
“For the tribe!” Gilak’s soldiers cry out before all chaos breaks loose. Two of his men charge towards you only for Zuko to shoot flames towards them in retaliation.
“Stay back!” He commands fiercely, but your own safety is the least of your worries at the moment.
“Protect the Earth King!” You call out as you send a blast of snow into the gut of an attacker before they can reach Kue. Another soldier tries to strike you from behind, but you’re able to quickly dodge their attack before encasing their feet in ice so they can longer attempt an attack on you or your friends. “You swore an oath to serve the royal family and the people of this tribe! How dare you turn against me?!”
“It’s not us you should be worrying about, Chief,” the woman glowers scornfully. “It’s that no good Hakoda and your Fire Lord boyfriend you should be looking out for. They’ve made you forget who you are.”
“I know who I am,” you utter lowly before raising your hands to lift the ice so it encases her entire body. “Maybe you should think about who you are while you wait for the ice to melt.”
Your attention is pulled away from the guard at the sound of a loud crash, and you barely manage to catch a glimpse of Gilak narrowly missing Zuko as he brings his whale tooth blade down into the table. Gasping, you quickly maneuver the water around your arms to form tentacles that wrap around the man’s torso and lift him into the air before slamming him back down again. The impact is forceful enough to disable him of his weapon, and Zuko quickly kicks it away from his grasp.
“Thank you,” he breathes out in relief, clearly overwhelmed from the sudden chaos. You don’t have time to reply as more of Gilak’s army begin to break through the windows and wreak havoc on the palace. You’re completely surrounded, and despite your best efforts to fight them off you can’t ignore the fact that you’re outnumbered. You briefly remember to thank the spirits for the fact that your mother is out visiting Kanna and Pakku and not here in the midst of the danger.
Gilak gets a hold of Hakoda while the rest of you are distracted fighting his warriors, and your friends are quick to rush out after him. You follow in suit only to hesitate when you realize someone must stay behind to guard Kue. You trust in your group’s ability to handle Gilak on their own, but you don’t exactly trust the King to take care of himself. Without anyone noticing, you slip back into the meeting room in search of the monarch.
“Your highness! Your highness, we have to get you out of here!” You call out while frantically scanning the room for him. The chamber is dead silent and questioningly empty considering it had just been teeming with invaders, and there isn’t a single sign of Kue.
You hear the crunching of glass behind you and quickly pivot your body towards the noise, and the sound is enough of a distraction for you to be ambushed by chi-blockers who quickly disarm you of your bending and let your body fall to the floor with a thud.
“Not so high and mighty now, are you, ‘Chief’?” One of them taunts before moving out of the way so another can scoop your limp figure off the ground.
“Where is King Kue?!” You demand as you your eyes look around the room in a panicked hunt for the man.
“Relax, that oaf is fine,” the girl brushes you off with a dismissive wave of her hands. “He’s hiding in a closet somewhere like the coward he is. Besides, it was never about him. We knew you’d be stupid enough to come back for him, and you took the bait.”
“What do you mean?” You say in disbelief as they begin to sneak you out through one of the hallways before your friends can notice.
“You’re the problem with this place, you’re the one who let the outsiders in. We need someone new in charge, but we can’t do that until we get rid of you and Hakoda first.”
Dread fills your stomach at her explanation, and you’re able to do nothing but hang limply over the man’s shoulder as they take you to their hideout. For the sake of the tribe you hope Hakoda and your friends are okay, and you hope they can find you before it’s too late.
Outside of the palace, Gilak and his men have vanished and Hakoda has been returned safely to his children. It seems the chaos is over until Zuko looks to his side and notices his Princess is nowhere to be seen. Panic immediately fills his gut as he rushes back into the palace and begins his feverish search for her.
“Y/n! My love, where are you?!” He calls out, and after finding no sign of you anywhere his worry begins to morph into anger. “No… No!”
“What’s wrong, Zuko?” Toph demands after hearing his enraged roars. The group looks to Zuko with concern in their gazes as he lets out a vengeful blast of flames from his mouth. The Fire Lord is seething, and there’s only one cause for his fury.
“They took y/n.”
~~~
You sit in an empty room tied to a chair with Gilak as your only form of company. For a long while neither of you speak, both of you locked into a staring contest as his eyes of contempt meet your own indignant ones.
“It didn’t have to be this way,” he finally says to break the silence, slowly beginning to circle around your chair like a shark. “I tried to get you to see things from our perspective, but you were just too stubborn. You didn’t want to see the danger in front of you, and even when Maliq disrespected you in front of the entire tribe you still went ahead and invited outsiders into the South.”
“What is so wrong about working with others?” You demand fruitlessly, unable to comprehend how he can be filled with so much hatred. “Not every outsider is bad, but you’re too full of resentment to see that! We’ve been able to accomplish great things because of the help of our sister tribe, and with the help of the Fire Nation-“
“The Fire Nation?!” Gilak bellows angrily, and you can’t help but to flinch in fear at his outburst. “They burned down our outer villages, desecrated our water benders, took our Chief from us! They are the reason we must rebuild in the first place! And yet you invite the Fire Lord onto our land simply because you let your love for him blind you of his true nature.”
“The Fire Nation did horrible things, yes. But Zuko is trying to right the wrongs of the past. There is good in his heart as there is in the hearts of other Fire Nation citizens. I’ve witnessed it firsthand. We cannot remain stuck in the past if we wish to build a future.”
“There is no future for the Southern Water Tribe with you and Hakoda in charge, and that’s why I’m taking matters into my own hands,” he says menacingly before signaling for two of his guards to remove you from the chair and bind your limbs together so you can be transported out of the tunnels.
“What are you going to do?”
“I’ve sent a letter to Hakoda asking him to meet me at the Bridge of No Return. He’s under the impression he’ll be trading his life for yours, but once he sets foot on that bridge and meets you in the center I’ll cut the line before either of you can make it safely across.”
“No…” you utter in disbelief, panic beginning to settle in your gut.
“The South will finally be rid of its problem, and then we can truly begin to strengthen our tribe.”
You’re able to say nothing more as a cloth is tied around your mouth to keep you from speaking. The last thing they want is for you to try and warn the others of their plan once you get to the bridge.
The guards carry you away, and you desperately try to come up with a plan of escape before it’s too late.
~~~
Zuko is anxious as he makes his way up the mountains. While fruitlessly searching endless tunnels hadn’t brought you back to him, receiving the letter from Gilak detailing your whereabouts didn’t exactly ease his nerves either. You were in danger, and if for some reason Sokka’s plan failed your life could be lost tonight. The thought almost sends him reeling, but he reminds himself to stay focused on the task at hand. He needs to be at his best if he plans to get you back safely- he promised your distraught mother he’d return you to her alive, and that’s what he planned to do.
“There she is!” Sokka exclaims as he points to your sullen figure across the way. Your arms are completely bound and a cloth is wrapped around your mouth to keep you quiet, and the sight has Zuko fuming. How dare they treat you so disrespectfully? He begins to rush forward only for Sokka to halt his efforts. “Hold on, buddy. I know you want her back safe but we can’t make any rash decisions or this plan won’t work.”
Zuko falters, huffing out a breath of smoke through his nose in protest before backing off. His eyes meet your desperate ones from across the way and his chest aches at the sight. He’d failed to protect you, and now you were a captive being used as bait for Gilak’s plan. He shouldn’t have left you behind, he shouldn’t have taken his eyes off of you, and he shouldn’t have let this happen.
You watch helplessly from across the way as Gilak sends his chi-blockers towards your friends and wince on their behalf as they receive the paralyzing blows. You let out a muffled cry of alarm as one by one they collapse to the ground, but you’re unable to do anything as the man gives you a harsh shove from behind.
“Get moving, Princess. Your time is up.”
You stumble forward onto the rickety bridge and take cautious steps in fear the wood falling out from beneath you. Hakoda meets you halfway before carefully pulling down the cloth from your mouth. Your features are frantic as you immediately utter jumbled pleas for him to leave.
“Hakoda, they’re going to cut the bridge! You have to get off,” you urge him desperately, tears welling in your eyes as you try to shove him back. The man rests his hands upon your shoulders to stop your movements before reaching down to remove your binds.
“I know,” he says softly as he gives you a reassuring smile before looking across the way. “I promise you we’re going to be okay.”
You follow his gaze to see Malina using her bending to stop Gilak from cutting the bridge. On the other side, your friends have risen from the ground and are busy taking out his army of soldiers. His plan has failed, and Hakoda quickly begins to usher you across the unstable structure.
The bridge begin to tremble as more weight is added onto it, and behind you Gilak angrily chases after you and Hakoda with a torch in hand. He doesn’t plan to give up so easily, so consumed by hatred that it’s made him crazed.
“I’m not letting either of you get away with this! You need to be punished for what you’ve done!” He roars angrily before charging at you both. “I’m going to take you down even if it means I have to go with you.”
“Are you mad?!” Hakoda cries before shoving you behind him to keep you out of Gilak’s reach. Another jolt shoots through the structure as Malina attempts to stop your attacker, but her efforts only cause him to involuntarily light the bridge aflame with his torch. As the two struggle for control over one another, Zuko dashes onto the bridge and uses his bending to put the fire before it can spread.
“Zuko!” You cry out in relief at the sight of him, only wanting his comfort after everything you’ve been through in the last twenty four hours. He meets your eyes and smiles in relief at the fact that you’re okay, but his features quickly morph into ones of dread as the burnt rope snaps and the bridge collapses. Your stomach drops as your feet lose contact with the ground beneath you, but the Fire Lord is quick to reach out and capture you by the wrist before you can fall.
“Hold on tight!” He tells you, making sure your hold on his forearm is secure before he propels the two of you upward using the streams of flames he releases from his feet. You land safely on the fresh snow below you, and you’re more than grateful to finally feel the ground beneath you again.
“Oh, Zuko!” You breathe out in relief before throwing yourself into his arms and holding him tight. His warmth soothes the chill in your bones from being so close to death, and he’s quick to return your embrace.
“I’m here,” he assures you as he carefully strokes your back. “I’ve got you.”
“Where’s King Kue?” You ask as you rapidly scan the area in search of the man. “Is he alright?”
“He’s fine, Pakku and your mother are looking after him. Are you okay?” He reiterates before pulling out of the hug to get a look at you. Indents have been left behind on your cheeks from the cloth that had been tightly wrapped around your head, and Zuko carefully looks you over for any other signs of hurt.
“I’m okay,” you promise him with a quick nod. “The chi-blocking wore off, I just feel tingly from being tied up is all.”
“They tied you up?!” Zuko exclaims angrily only to calm down when he sees the abashed look on your face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice. It just makes me so upset to think that someone would want to hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.”
“It’s not your fault, Zuko,” you correct him with a slight frown. “If it weren’t for you I would have fallen of that bridge.”
“Speaking of which,” Sokka interrupts urgently as he directs your attention to the collapsing structure, “it’s about to give! How are we gonna get them back up here!”
“I can go back down and get them,” Zuko insists only for Sokka to wave him off.
“Your weight would make it collapse before we could save anyone.”
“I’ll try to keep it stable!” Toph offers as she uses her earth bending to support the structure. “You guys are gonna have to work fast, I’m not sure how long this will hold.”
You watch as Katara and Aang spring into action to gather the others, and the Avatar is able to grab hold of them right as the bridge finally falls apart. He struggles to bring them up, and you watch anxiously as he flies his guider back towards the cliff top. Gilak isn’t making it an easy task he makes a last ditch attempt to lash at Hakoda, but the man only succeeds in losing his grip in the process and falling towards the bottom of the cliff.
“Gilak!” You cry out in horror, turning away so you don’t have to watch the man plummet to his death. Despite all he’s done, you’d never wish for death on anyone, and so you’re torn at the fact that this is how the conflict will end.
“There was nothing Aang could do,” Zuko says in an attempt to comfort you, but you’re not sure if it helps. Hakoda and Malina are brought to safety, and you’re left to deal with the aftermath of all that’s occurred.
“How did you all overcome the chi-blocking?” You ask as your mind begins to process all that’s occurred. You couldn’t compute how your friends hadn’t been susceptible to the blocks like you had.
“Metal armor!” Sokka explains proudly while showcasing you his invention. “It was my idea, but Toph made it a reality.”
“Sokka, you genius!” You laugh, throwing your arms around him in a hug full of gratitude for his help. “I can always count on you to figure out a solution to every problem.”
“Thank you, y/n, I am a genius.”
“Please don’t make his ego any bigger than it needs to be,” Katara teases before taking your hands in her own and giving them a gentle squeeze. “I’m glad you’re okay, and I’ve been thinking about what you said, about changing my perspective. I think you’re right.”
“I’m happy you see it that way,” you tell her with a careful smile before looking to her father and Malina. “And I think it’s time I did the same. If you both can come up with a revised proposal for an ecofriendly oil refinery that will benefit the South, I’d be happy to give it another look.”
“Thank you, Chief y/n,” Hakoda says gratefully, sharing an excited glance with Malina, “we appreciate your openness.”
“We need to get you back to the palace,” Zuko tells you while resting a careful hand on your back. “Your mother is probably worried sick waiting for you, and I promised I’d bring you home safely.”
“Spirits, you’re right,” your murmur fretfully before taking hold of his hand and quickly beginning your descent down the mountain.
“They’re good for each other, aren’t they?” Hakoda notes to your friends as he watches your figures disappear over the hill.
“They are,” Katara agrees with a faint smile, her mind beginning to imagine what your future will look like. The embassies will provide a good foundation for the relationship of the Water Tribe and Fire Nation, and the project will be a testament to what you and Zuko had proved long ago.
The fate of the nations are in good hands.
~~~
The South has settled back into its normal routine. With the death of Gilak and arrests of his army came the end of the protests, and reconstruction was able to resume without the threat of unrest or discontent among your people.
You stand inside the museum with Zuko by your side, your hands interlocked as you stare at the wall before you. You’re in the hall of royal families, an area full of photos and relics of all the people from the past and present. You’d ventured into the Princess exhibit and were now staring at your wanted poster hanging on the wall of your section. You’d swiped the scroll from a Fire Nation market place while in disguise with the Avatar and his friends, and you felt it was an important piece of history to include in your exhibit.
“That’s the prettiest wanted poster I’ve seen,” Zuko comments with a small smile. “It’s strange to think how much has changed since this poster was made.”
“The past is a strange place,” you agree quietly before looking to your boyfriend. “Now that the war is over, do you ever find yourself thinking about the future?”
“Always,” he says, a familiar spark in his eyes as he stares down at you.
“We’re living proof that a strong connection between nations is possible. We always have been, and yet it scares people like Gilak.”
“People like Gilak fear change,” he murmurs lowly, the mere mention of the main leaving a bad taste in his mouth. “They fear going against tradition, and we are far from being a traditional couple.”
“Yeah, but I like it that way,” you say with a smile before reaching up to press a tender kiss to his lips. Zuko’s hands find their place on your hips as he pulls you in close to savor the feeling.
With peace in the South having been reestablished, you now have a good feeling about what awaits you in the future. It’s going to be complicated, there’s no arguing that, but you’re willing to face whatever challenges arise if it means getting to be with the boy you love.
You and Zuko are the hope for the future of your nations, and if your relationship has been able to withstand all the difficulties and heartaches that have come over the years, then there’s no doubt in your mind that your people will be able to do the same.
Water and fire are opposing elements, and yet you both work so well together. You’re two halves of a whole, and no one will ever be able to break you apart again.
| zuko tags: @ilovespideyyy @yiyibetch @eridanuswave @lammello @a-monsters-love @taeeemin @livelaughlovekuni @lovialy
| fire lilies tags: @emberislandplayers @kikaninchen-2 @music-geek19 @thia-aep @thyunnamed @haylaansmi @nataliahaslosthershit @idkdude776 @aangsupremacy @thirstyforsometea @ihaveaproblem98 @brown-eyed-thang @xapham @misnmatchedsox @chewymoustachio @that-bucket-hat-gal @chilifrylizard2 @kyomihann @kaylove12 @kiwihoee @freggietale @moon-spirit-yue @bubblegum-bee-otch @cipheress-to-k-pop @potato87123
| atla tags: @sirkekselord @niktwazny303
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sweetsweetjellybean · 8 months
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A night out with friends turns into a surprise welcome home party for the man who broke your heart, Eddie Munson.
Masterlist Listen to Scar Tissue Here
What to expect: Second Chance Romance set in 2012 Chicago, with flashbacks at the beginning of each chapter.  Eddie and Steve are in their 30s. Fem!Reader is given a pet name from each of the guys. No other name mentioned. No use of Y/N. No physical description. Reader does have a bit of personality, as I find it nearly impossible to keep her blank for such a long fic. You may find yourself at times making choices that you wouldn't normally make, but I hope you can put that aside and enjoy the ride. Sensitive Content. 18+ Guaranteed happy ending. This is my love letter to Eddie Munson.
WC:5162. Beta'd by @superblysubpar
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“Have a good day,” your mother calls out as you shut the front door to the gray clapboard-sided home that your parents had fallen in love with the moment they laid eyes on it. You hadn’t even gotten past the front steps before she appears in the doorway, pulling her purple terry-cloth robe tighter around her shoulders as she calls you back. “You don’t have to come right home after school,” she tells you, pressing a few folded bills into your hand, “Go out with your friends. Have some fun.”
“Thanks, Mom.” You muster up a smile, shoving the bills into the front pocket of your Levi's, certain they will end up in the ceramic pink elephant bank that sits atop your dresser, just like the money she gave you last week. She watches you walk down the steps, giving you a wave before she turns away, shutting the door behind her. 
She tries her best, but she doesn't understand that friendships in the seventh grade aren't made as easily as they were in kindergarten, and you can't tell her that in the six weeks you've been enrolled at Hawkins Middle School, not a soul has spoken to you unless asked to by a teacher. 
This was the life that your parents had chosen, a career that demanded constant relocation and upheaval. "It's an adventure," they'd tell you as your things were being packed into boxes. But the older you got, it felt less like an adventure and more like a test. A test to prove yourself over and over. There’s a phrase your mom has uttered so often over the years, that it's surprising it's not embroidered on the throw pillows. Bloom where you're planted. But here, in this town, you're only a weed in the garden.
Hawkins isn't any worse or better than any of the other ten places you've lived in the last seven years, but these kids have been together since birth and aren't eager to welcome newcomers into the flock. Pouring your efforts into being confident and friendly, projecting a cool and unbothered facade, the constant exposure has left you empty. The mask is too heavy, and you’ve been wearing it far too long. If this were one of the comics you kept in the box under your bed, you'd be discovering your superpower–Invisibility. They don't see you here, and maybe they never would. 
The edges of folded bills in your pocket press into the meat of your thigh. Adding them to your total should give you enough for the new Elastica CD.  With a bit of luck, you might be able to talk your dad into driving you to Tower Records in Indianapolis this weekend. A few houses away, the battered front door of a small yellow cape opens with a click and thud, drawing your attention. The house was more run-down than the others on this street. The grass was left to grow a little longer before being mowed, and a few nights a week, you could hear the yelling coming from inside before seeing the slow flash of lights of a cruiser parked in front. 
A boy with curly shoulder-length hair bounds out from inside the house, slinging on his worn backpack as he hits the sidewalk.
Right on time this morning. 
The scuff of your white Doc Martens falls in step with the crunch of his black Converse hitting the pavement. The chain running from his back pocket to his hip sways with his movements. It’s more of a determined bounce than a walk. Your eyes stay trained on the frayed holes of his Jansport, corners of textbooks and papers pushing through. You keep waiting for physics to kick in and the thing to give way entirely.
“Quit following me.” 
His voice floats over his shoulder, shattering the quiet of the morning. Your head swivels from side to side, looking for whoever he is speaking to. His body turns until he’s walking backward, both hands gripping the straps of his backpack, casting his expectant brown eyes on you. 
“Me?” You ask, touching your chipped painted fingernails to your chest.
“You’ve been following me for weeks, and it’s creepy.”
“I’m not following you,” you say incredulously, “We’re just going to the same place.”
“Well, walk on the other side of the street or something,” he says, turning back around, continuing on his way like he assumes you’ll comply.
“No.” 
Your defiance comes out flat and solid, drawing a line, sick of him and this whole town.
“Yes,” the word comes back without a glance, utterly unbothered by your show of determination.
“No,” you repeat louder, your eyebrows pulling together in a scowl, “If you don’t like it, you walk over there.”
“I was here first.”
“Seriously?” The anger in your chest turns to heat, rising up your neck and settling in your face. Your mouth opens, ready to unleash the venom sitting on the tip of your tongue when he stops walking.
“Might as well walk beside me then.”
Surprise melts the words in your mouth as your feet carry you forward until you’re close enough to see the freckles covering his nose. His eyes stay forward as his stride lines up with yours, moving forward at a more relaxed pace. A light breeze rustles the leaves of the Maples lining the street. The sound of your footsteps is interrupted by the occasional passing car. 
“You’re in seventh, right? You got Schnider?” He asks, his eyes darting to your face.
“Yeah.” You nod, looking down at your boots.
"Bad luck. She's a real bitch. I had her last year."
Answering with a shrug, you risk a look back at him. Long eyelashes framing big doe eyes, a sweet face he tries to hide with a hard shell. He wears a mask, too. 
Your brain’s on overload for the rest of the day—thoughts of the boy coloring away the hours like a secret, overanalyzing every bit of your interaction. When the shrill sound of the final bell rings, you join the current of students, gathering your belongings and exiting the building in a wave.
The fresh air is a welcome escape from the stuffy classroom as you cross behind the school past the football field, heading toward the path through the woods where the boy is lingering just beyond the gate, digging through his pack but coming up with nothing like maybe he had been waiting. Without a word, he falls into step beside you. When you look at him, this time, he meets your eyes. The sunlight flickers through the swaying leaves as your footsteps resonate through the trees as you continue together.
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow," his voice cuts the quiet air when you reach the front steps of his house, his tone revealing a hint of uncertainty. 
"I'll be headed the same way," you answer.
He turns away from you, pausing with his foot on the top step, looking up at his house before looking back at you. 
"I'm Eddie, by the way," he offers, his cheeks pinking at the vulnerability his words carry.
"I know," you respond, a small smile gracing your lips as you continue home.
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"Shit. Shit. Shit," you mutter, tucking your phone into your clutch and bolting up the marble steps to the second floor of the Kimpton Grey Hotel. Composing yourself as you pass through the lobby and open the double doors into Vol.39. The bar exudes timeless elegance with its dim, warm light shining on the dark-wood accents. Vintage jazz playing through hidden speakers, sounding like smoke and liquor. Everything here is steeped in leather, old money, and sophistication. It's no surprise that Nancy chose it. 
"You're late," Nancy says flatly, no amusement in the blue eyes framed by the blunt cut of her black, sleek hair as she glances at her watch with disapproval.
"Sorry." You slide into the open seat on the tufted couch across from her, adjusting the material of your dark emerald midi skirt so the slit wouldn't be showing off too much thigh, "There was traffic." It definitely wasn’t the extra half hour you spent with your feet up on your desk at Stax listening to the new release from Band of Horses.
"This is Chicago. There's always traffic," she counters, keeping her voice low enough that it doesn't travel past the lit bookshelves lined with leather-bound encyclopedias framing the seating area that your friends are currently occupying. "That's why I gave you a time a week ago. So you could plan ahead."
"She’s in a mood," Argyle says from the corner of his mouth, his hair falling around him like a curtain as he leans closer from the velvet upholstered club chair beside you. 
"Where's Steve?" Nancy demands, setting down her crystal tumbler on the gray marble table in the center of the space.
"He's not here?" you ask, scanning the bar. "It was Robin’s turn to watch him."
"Me?" Robin exhales from the other end of the couch she shares with Nancy.
"You're his best friend," you point out with a quirk of your brow.
"Yeah, but you're his–"
"I don't know why I bother to organize nights out for all of us if no one is going to be on time," Nancy cuts off Robin, huffing as she crosses her slender arms over her chest.
"It will be fine, Nance," Johnathan reassures, coming back from the bar carrying a flight of martinis he sets down in the center of the table. "Just relax. Everyone's going to be here in plenty of time." He takes the seat beside her, comforting her with his arm around her shoulder. 
Nancy and Johnathan have been on again-off again since she left Hawkins for school in Boston. Rekindling their relationship when she moved to Chicago and accepted a position at Spectrum Media, where she still works as their vice-president of content strategy. 
"Plenty of time for what?" You ask, leaning forward to choose a martini, picking the Astoria with a knot of lemon. 
"There's a mystery guest," Robin says, wriggling her brows and hooking her thumb towards Nancy. “Full of surprises, isn't she?”
"Where's Flora tonight?" You ask Robin, noticing she is without an escort. 
"Flora?" She asks, picking up a drink for herself, "That was over a week ago." She dismisses her with a wave of the hand before running it through her wavy blonde streaked locks, "Sadly, she left for a goat herding commune in Sacramento. I've been seeing someone new, a painter named Taylor. She's on exhibit at Magnolia. Her florals are really dreamy." She bites an olive off the end of her toothpick, sighing. 
Smiling around the lip of your glass, you shake your head. Robin works as an exhibit coordinator for Magnolia Gallery in Wicker Park, falling in and out of love with artists as quickly as she sells their pieces. You give her credit, she's having fun. 
"Did you text him?" Nancy asks, her lips twisting with impatience. The tense clench of her jaw has you setting down your drink and reaching for your clutch with no arguments. "Do you know how hard it was to get this reservation?"
"Then why are we here?" Argyle complains, gesturing around the room while he slumps back in his chair, swirling the amber liquid in his glass with the other. "You know I own like six bars, right? No reservations required."
"But then you'd be working," Nancy explains, as Argyle smoothes out his handlebar mustache.
"I'm always working, babe," Argyle says with a smirk, looking the part of a restaurateur and music promoter in his shiny flat-front trousers and short-sleeved silk shirt. 
Argyle is a new friend - meaning not from Hawkins. The California transplant, whose family owns a chain of successful pizza restaurants, has breathed new life into the Chicago music scene. Booking up-and-coming acts as well as big names into his bars and venues all across the city. He's a good friend to have, especially in your line of work–a music journalist for Stax the city's premiere music, arts, and culture magazine.
“He’s on his way,” you inform them, setting your phone face down on the table before settling back on the couch.
“On his way or leaving now?” Nancy shakes her head, knowing with Steve it’s probably the latter. “Why didn’t you ride with him?” She asks, turning toward Jonathan.
“I wasn’t in the office today. I was on a shoot,” he says, pulling his arm away from her and setting his drink down harder than necessary, his patience with her at an end. 
Jonathan, like you and Steve, works for the conglomerate Second City Media. Nancy likes to think that she permits the three of you to work for her competitor, but Steve had already gotten his foot in the door, securing himself an entry-level position at Metro Sports division before she was even out of grad school. Jonathan had been doing alright freelancing as a photographer, but when Nancy started at Spectrum, Second City recognized their competitor would wind up with an edge and hired him on as full-time staff. Everyone knows it's better for their relationship not to be working in the same place, especially with Nancy as his boss.
“Give us some clues about this mystery guest,” Robin interjects to lower the temperature between the couple, which is ready to boil over.
"Okay, I'm here." Steve comes from behind you, his voice alerting you to his arrival before you see him. His tie is already missing, the first three buttons of his starched shirt undone beneath his midnight blue suit, and his hair tousled from a day of running his hands through.
"Really, Steve? You couldn't be on time just this once?" Nancy scolds him, rolling her eyes.
"Meeting ran late. You know how it is," he leans down to kiss her cheek,"Or maybe you don't. I heard things are a bit slow over there at Spectrum," he teases, earning a smirk from Johnathan. 
Steve worked his way up from the sports division to chief content officer for Second City Media. The position puts him just shy of the power Nancy holds at Spectrum, fueling the pair's competitive and ambitious nature until their bickering often drives everyone else crazy.
"Steve," Robin draws his attention before Nancy gets the chance to respond, "About tomorrow–"
"Just a minute, Robin. I haven't gotten to kiss my beautiful wife hello." He steps over Argyle's legs and gives the man a quick handshake in greeting before sitting next to you on the sofa.
"I'm not your wife yet, handsome," you tell him as his strong hands cup your cheeks, tipping your head up toward him. 
"But it sounds good, doesn't it?" He asks before soft lips close over yours, his thumb pressing on your chin, asking for access to deepen the kiss beyond the line that's appropriate in front of company. 
"Niiiice," Argyle hums as the others snicker. Steve takes a hand off your cheek, holding it in front of you to block some of their views as his mouth moves hotly over yours. 
"God, you two are sickening," Nancy's remark is probably accompanied by an eye roll, but you're too occupied to notice as you tighten your grip on the front of Steve's shirt, drawing him nearer.
Four of his fingers curl down, giving Nance a one-fingered message as he continues to kiss you until he's had his fill. Breaking away with a gentle peck. "How was your day today, Ace? Did you write me a Pulitzer?" 
"You ask me that every day."
Despite teasing you, he wouldn't be surprised if you had what it takes. That's how much he believes in you. He takes your hand, bringing your knuckles to his lips to place a kiss next to the glittering diamond he put on your hand a little over two years ago. 
"Excuse you." Robin climbs over Argyle's legs that are still stretched out in front of him, taking up all the space between the chairs and the table, and walks over to the couch, squeezing her way onto the sofa between you and Steve, "Best friend privileges." She winks before launching into a conversation about the next exhibit she's putting together.
"You two crazy kids set a date yet?" Argyle asks at a volume higher than you'd prefer. Raising your index finger to your lips, eyebrows drawing together as your eyes flick over to Steve.
"I'm just making sure my invite didn't get lost in the mail," he says, sipping his drink. "I love weddings, man—all those tiny little versions of regular-sized food. Maybe I should open a restaurant like that, where everything is tiny. Tiny little kebabs and tiki drinks with tiny little umbrellas. I don't know what's taking you so long. You need to make an honest man out of him." His voice grows louder at the end of his sentence, earning him another look from you, a distraction that diverts Steve's attention from his conversation.
The waitress chooses that moment to appear, saving you from another conversation about setting a wedding date. It's not that you don't want to marry him–you do. Someday. Decisiveness has never been your strong suit, along with dressing up in big puffy dresses that look like frosting and being on display for everyone you have ever known and their plus ones. 
While Steve squints down at the drink menu, fondness warms you like the opening notes of your favorite song. Reaching across Robin, you tap his chest. He looks over at you as he pulls a pair of glasses from his breast pocket and slides them on his nose.
Your lips move without sound–I love you.
You too, he mouths back. His mossy eyes softening as he smiles just for you. 
You're happy. Why change a thing?
“I’ll have an old-fashioned. Top shelf. Please,” Steve tells the waitress after she had gone around taking orders for small plates to share and more cocktails from the others. “Another Martini?” He raises his eyebrows at you.
“Yes, please. An Astoria,” you tell her as she finishes scribbling everything down on her pad and heads off toward the bar to put in your orders. 
“The ladies?” You tip your head at Robin, who nods, getting up to follow you. Steve squeezes your hand as you walk by as he continues his conversation with Nancy about the effectiveness of paywalls on digital content.
“God, she’s in rare form,” Robin comments as you enter the empty ladies' room, each of you closing yourself into a stall.
“Are she and Jonathan fighting again?” You ask once you’ve finished up and moved to the sink to wash your hands. The echo of your voices bouncing off the black and white hexagon tiles.
“When aren’t they fighting?” She pulls a few paper towels from the machine bolted to the wall and drys her hands. “It’s like foreplay for them at this point.”
You laugh, checking under your eyes for make-up smears. “Any ideas about this mystery guest?”
“No idea.” She tugs the brass handle of the door open, and you follow her back into the bar. “Maybe her brother?” 
“That would be nice,” you say, your boot heels tapping on the dark chevron floors, “He just got married, right?”
“So young, practically still a baby,” she tuts, her head shaking from side to side.
“Robin, he’s not that-”
Robin's hand clamps onto your forearm, a squeal escaping her mouth as excitement radiates through her. She bounces on her toes, leaving you in her wake. Whoever elicited such a reaction is being blocked by Steve and Jonathan. When she gracefully maneuvers past them, you catch a fleeting glimpse of dark curls before the two men shift back into place, obscuring your view once more. The clinking of glasses and chatter from the other patrons swells in your ears. Your feet carry you forward, curiosity resonating like the reverb of a guitar. Steve feels you coming up behind him and shifts to the side. Without warning, rich chocolate eyes are locked onto yours. Eyes you haven’t seen in eleven years when he left you a mixtape instead of a goodbye. The eyes of the man that shattered your heart into so many pieces, all the edges are still sharp. 
“Hey, doll.”
The breath trapped in your lungs forms a suffocating bubble, its dull, aching pressure stifling any movement in or out, causing your body to lock in protest. You're tugged forward, unable to fight it, until your body collides with his. The faint but familiar scent of him embraces you, lingering beneath the spicy notes of expensive cologne. Triggering a flood of a hundred painful memories, like songs you’ve overplayed and can’t bear to hear again. They jar your instincts into overriding the shock, compelling you to push him away. Eddie's solid frame absorbs the force. To your relief, the others haven't noticed as you retreat to your seat. Your trembling hand raises your martini to your lips, taking larger swallows than you normally would, but nothing with this situation is normal. 
"Desperate times," you mutter under your breath, tipping back your glass. By the time everyone has settled back into their seats, your martini glass stands drained, the lingering taste of its contents  bittersweet on your tongue.
Steve directs the waitress to bring another drink for you and a double Mescal for Eddie. The others' voices are a distant buzz in your ears, but their words don't breach the barrier of your thoughts. The chords playing in your mind are more discernible now. Their lyrics printed onto the faded photographs of a boy that you struggle to reconcile as the man before you. He's older, but you are too. His long hair is much shorter, the dark curls a richer brown pushed away from his face. A few lines grace the corners of his eyes and forehead–a reminder of the life he's lived without you. 
Steve's comforting hand wraps around your shoulders while the other finds a home sliding between the soft skin where your legs are crossed, exposed by the high slit of your skirt. Eddie's eyes are on you, his stare focused on Steve's big hand covering half your thigh. Your left hand moves on top of Steve's, adjusting to make sure the sparkling rock on your finger gleams with brilliance in the soft, ambient light.
"Well, this is a blast from the past," Robin notes, her voice full of whimsy as she dangles her cocktail glass between two fingers, swaying it gently like a pendulum.
"Aren't you all glad I forced you to come out?" Nancy quips, much more relaxed now that her plan has come to fruition.
"You did good, love," Johnathan murmurs. His fingers tangling with hers before giving her a quick peck. 
"Absolutely. I wouldn't have wanted to miss this," Steve agrees, "How long has it been, dude? Three, four years?"
"Yeah, I think that was the last time you were in L.A." Eddie scratches at his chin, covered with just enough scruff to almost be a beard. 
Steve keeps in touch with Eddie? Had he told you when you hadn't been paying attention to him, your mind wandering with the words you would write for other people's songs?
"Now, I know that I told you only old friends," Nancy says, angling herself towards the plaid upholstered chair that Eddie occupies. "But Argyle knows all the local talent, and I thought he'd be a good connection to have since you're moving here."
"What?" You ask, as if a sudden vacuum has just sucked the air from the room.
"You're moving here?" Robin's eyes light up with excitement at the prospect of all her friends in the same city. She was the original connection that brought you together all those years ago. 
"When you say here. You mean Hawkins, right? You're moving back to Hawkins," you clarify.
"No. I mean here. I'm moving to Chicago," Eddie says, leaning back into his chair, his long legs spread in his tailored black suit, the black v-neck underneath giving off a laid-back California vibe. "I told those corporate studio fucks I was done. I'm opening my own place to record music that's actually good, not just the kind that will sell. I'm surprised you don't know all this, doll. Isn't it supposed to be your job or something?"
“Fu–”
"Why Chicago?" Jonathan asks, cutting you off before you let loose a very appropriate response to his question, "Why not stay in L.A. or New York. Aren't there music scenes bigger than here?"
Eddie tips his head to the side, his fingers tracing the rim of his glass. "You know, L.A.'s lost its charm for me. Too many fake people made out of plastic. And, well, Wayne's not getting any younger. Thought it's about time to be closer, you know?"
“You'd be much closer in Hawkins. Bet you could find a place downtown real cheap. You should go look there.” You cross your arms over your chest, drawing a line in the sand. 
“Hawkins doesn’t really scream rock ‘n’ roll, and I already got a place, but thanks,” he says, unconcerned as ever by your tone.
“Look at you two,” Robin says, clapping her hands, “Just like old times, back to your usual banter." Her mischievous grin widens, "Remember when she had that massive crush on you, Eddie? You’d stroll into Musicland during our shift, and she’d follow you around with those big heart eyes.”
Your ears ring as heat rushes up to your neck to your cheeks,the whole world spinning. Eddie looks down, swirling the remnants of gold liquid in his crystal-cut glass.
“You’re exaggerating, Robin,” you sputter, reaching for your drink, hiding behind the lip of the glass, “We were just friends. And it couldn’t have been too major. I don’t even remember it.”
“Oh, come on,” she protests, “Everybody knew.”
"I didn't," Steve's voice cuts through her teasing, leaving an awkward stillness in its wake. The distant sounds of high-pitched laughter and the faint scrape of utensils against plates fill the void. Your friends exchange uncomfortable glances, even though there was no malice in his tone.
“Hey, it’s no big deal, though,” his smile puts everyone at ease. “Right, Ace?” His head dips, brushing your lips in confirmation. You nod as he continues, “Robin, remember when we both went on dates with the same girl. What was her name? Brenda.” His fingers snap with the recollection.
“That’s right, Brenda! Brenda Mackenzie!” Robin laughs and begins to regale the group with the story.
When you lift your eyes, Eddie’s stare remains fixed on you, amusement replaced with an intensity you can’t read. An unfinished sentence or lyric. Words hanging between you like a question that you can't answer—one that you don’t want to.
“I’m going for another drink,” you say to Steve, picking up your empty glass. 
“Do you want me to come with you?” He asks, brows drawing together.
“No, I’m okay,” you tell him with a plastered-on smile, “You want anything?”
He shakes his head no. “I let my car service go early. I’ll drive us home in your car.”
With gentle fingers, you sweep aside a stray lock of hair that's draped across his forehead, planting a tender kiss on his lips before making your way to the bar. 
There is a soft creak of the leather as you seat yourself on a high stool in front of the polished wood bar. A bartender with an easy smile takes your order and leaves, giving you a much needed moment alone. Your lungs expand and contract without releasing any tension. You study your reflection in the mirror behind the rows of brightly lit bottles. If you could rewind the tape to a few hours ago, you'd have happily stayed in your office. Calling Nancy tomorrow to grovel for forgiveness for messing up her plans. But you can’t and the song plays on. It’s always the music that hurts the worst.
You release an audible sigh, your breath escaping through parted lips, as he settles onto the stool beside you. With a casual tap of his rings against the bar, he signals for the bartender, raising a single finger, his tongue peeks out, grazing his bottom lip as he gestures toward his empty glass.
"What’s the matter, doll? You really that unhappy to see me?" Eddie drawls, a half-smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
"It’s been eleven years, Eddie. Sorry I’m not organizing a parade." You settle back into your seat, glancing around as if you're bored.
The bartender lowers his eyes as they deliver your drinks and wisely retreats to the far end of the establishment.
"I didn’t come here to fight," Eddie replies, his tone softening. He shifts his weight slightly on the stool, one arm resting casually on the counter, the glint of a gold chain around his neck catching the dim light.
"Then why are you here?" Your eyes narrow as your fingers trace the condensation on the side of the full glass.
"A fresh start. To build something of my own." He looks at you with determination, his dark eyes reflecting the soft glow of the bar lights.
"Then build it somewhere else," you respond curtly, your words laced with frustration. You pick up your drink and down half of it in one go, the chilled liquid leaving a slight burn as it slides down your throat. Setting the glass back down, you turn to leave.
He stops you with a gentle hand wrapping around your wrist, his touch causing your pulse to quicken beneath his fingertips. "There are some things I want to say to you. Let me take you to lunch unless Harrington has got you on too short of a leash."
You pull your wrist back, the feel of his touch lingering like smoke in the air. "Whatever you have to say has waited this long, try again in another decade. Unless you're dying."
"Would it make a difference if I was?" He meets your gaze with amusement playing on his lips.
"Let me think about it… nope." Your reply is quick and sharp, meant to cut.
"I know you're mad–" 
"No. Mad would imply some kind of emotional attachment. What I feel is indifference. In case you don't know the definition, that means nothing at all." Your voice stays cool and detached as you hop off the stool. "It's a big city, Eddie. There's no reason we have to see each other again." 
"We'll have to see about that," he smirks. 
"Have a nice life," you say a final goodbye to your past and turn away, walking in the direction of Steve when he stops you with one more question.
"Did you listen to it? The tape, did you ever listen?" 
The lie comes without hesitation. 
“No.”
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Read Song 2. here
AN: I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. If you have a song that you think Eddie would have recorded on the mixtape send it to me in an ask and it might be included. Anything before 2001. I'd love to hear from you. Comments and Reblogs are always appreciated.
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bluecollarmcandtf · 2 months
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Empty, Obedient, Golfers
Mornings were always the calmest time for the country club, and this one was especially quiet. If you didn't know any better, you'd think everything was just as it should be. As always, the club's most elite members were leisurely strolling through the course. No one noticed the men's strange behavior...or their eyes...
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"Sunglasses off, men," Rico broke the silence, unveiling an unnaturally soulless stare, "I think we're far enough out."
The retired entrepreneur could barely hide his excitement as he watched his fellow club members pull off their shades. Each of their eyes were like his: white, blank, and empty. A little voice in the back of his head told him this was good; he was a good slave for bringing his friends under the control of his master. That voice was the only sound in Rico's mind, so he had no choice but to believe it wholeheartedly.
"The master told me he'll be joining us in an hour," Rico continued, letting the smile plastered across his face grow.
He could feel his cock stiffen up at the mere mention of his master. His friends were all the same. Their pants tented similarly, some even moaned at the thought of their enslaver, and one guy just fell to his knees instinctively. These, of course, weren't their instincts, but the only instincts that remained in the husks of these powerful men.
"Do you all remember the tasks our master gave each of you last week?" butterflies filled his stomach as he asked the question. Suddenly, a fire ignited inside him, "Brody! Jameson! Report, now!"
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"Sure, Rico," Brody answered for the two of them.
"We've managed to finalize our divorces as fast as possible," a placid grin sat on Jameson's face as he said it.
"It wasn't easy. I had to threaten my wife to get her to leave me alone," Brody added numbly, "I will never speak to her again."
Brody believed every word he said. Ever since Rico had introduced him to his new master, his free will had ceased to exist. He lived to serve at his owner's whim, and when that owner ordered him to leave his wife and take everything in the divorce, he did exactly that. His feelings for Rebecca left with his free will, so he was happy to kick her out and take all her money. His love, attention, and wealth was directed towards his master now.
"We're engaged as well," Jameson reported.
Jameson's brain had been drained similarly to Brody's, except his divorce had been a lot messier. With two toddlers and a baby on the way, his sudden departure threw his loved ones into a frenzy. His friends despised him while his parents basically disowned him. Jameson's only thoughts through the whole ordeal were focused on his master's will. He vehemently insisted that his wife take sole custody of the children. His master didn't want a slave with babies, so he needed that woman to take them away forever.
"Happily, engaged," Brody added.
Both men reached around the other. With choreographed movements, their hands slid up and squeezed their new partner's ass. Both Brody and Jameson knew that they were to be "happy, himbo, hubbies" as the voice in their head put it. That phrase had been bouncing around their empty skulls constantly, ever since their master said it a week ago.
The old Brody and Jameson might have been straight family men, but they were just vessels for their master's entertainment now. If he wanted them to act all queer, then they were happy to do it!
"That's good you two. Keep it up," Rico remarked, "And remember to hold hands in public from now on. The master wants you two to be cat very gay from now on."
Jameson and Brody nodded, squeezing each other's hand as their master was mentioned.
"How about you, Derrick?" Rico continued.
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"I've been a good boy for our master," the bulky CEO reported emphatically.
Derrick was right. By all means, he had been a very good boy for his owner. It started at the beginning of the week when he fired his house staff. With a mansion, that included a small army of people, but the little voice inside his head assured him that this was right.
"I signed my property over to our master," he announced proudly, "And I'm getting ready to give my entire future to him too."
"That's good Derrick!" Rico praised, "So you'll be stepping down soon?"
Derrick nodded gleefully. His master was going to replace him as the CEO of his multi-million-dollar company. He would gladly step down and let his master enjoy all the money and power he'd accrued over the years. Derrick's new place in life was a much humbler one. He'd be taking over the dirty work of his master's mansion, serving as groundskeeper, chef, janitor, and even butler. He'd spent his whole week practicing.
Derrick would return from a day of acting like his old self in the office. The minute he stepped inside the mansion, he stripped off that designer suit and pull on something more fitting for a servant. Then he'd go about cleaning and maintaining the estate. His master had yet to step foot inside the place, but he worked hard every night to make sure it was perfect whenever the master did stop by.
"You're not living in his house, right?"
"Of course not. I moved into the utility shack on the edge of the property. It has a hose and a cot. The master said that's all I need."
"He's right," Rico enforced, "And I imagine you'll be getting out of those fancy golf clothes as soon as you aren't in public."
"Yes!" Derrick nodded, "They're just for show. I've got an old jumpsuit in the car!"
Rico was filled with joy. His friends were obeying their master so well! Derrick used to be a prideful, no-nonsense executive, but that sure wasn't the case anymore!
"I'll report next," a new guy jumped in.
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"Master charged me with cleaning his shoes this week," Tom continued, speaking seriously.
In reality, the master had almost forgotten to give instructions to Tom. Luckily, the politician's son caught his master before he and the other obedient hunks of meat were dismissed. Thinking on the fly, the master kicked off his dirty sneakers and told Tom to "suck them clean for a week."
Tom was relieved to finally have a task; a special way he could be of use to their master. He quickly picked up the first shoe and started licking. He spent his whole week that way, sitting in his bedroom, sucking every speck of dirt off those old tennis shoes.
"My tongue is really dry, now," he reported, "But they're clean!"
Tom held up the sneakers with pride. After a week of doing nothing else, he'd become rather familiar with the old shoes. He could still taste the lingering flavor of the old gum he'd spent hours working off the bottom of the shoe. The sneakers were a lot whiter than they used to be! Even still, he had the urge to drag his tongue across them a few more times. Maybe he could get them even whiter before their master showed up.
"Me next," came a grunting reply from another one of Rico's friends.
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Sebastian raised a heavy arm and aired the swampy pit soaking through his shirt. With some lumbering steps, he brought his underarm to Rico's face, asking, "Do I smell?"
Rico recoiled but collected himself and took a long whiff of Sebastian's rank body odor, "Yes."
"Our master told me he wants me to smell like crap," Sebastian explained dumbly, "He told me not to bathe or change clothes."
"So you're wearing...?"
"...what I was wearing last week," Sebastian finished, "I haven't taken my clothes off for anything."
It was true. Sebastian left his clothes on for all seven days. As a tennis instructor, he didn't look too out of place wearing a golf polo and chinos, but a lot of people began to notice as the sweat began building up in them. After a few days, it was intolerable, and he was asked to go home and clean himself up. Of course, he didn't. The voice in his head told him to keep it all on and just sit in his funk until the master could appreciate it.
"Is he going to like it?" Sebastian whined, shoving his moist armpit even closer to Rico's face.
"Yes!" Rico managed, unable to escape before his friend covered his face in pit sweat.
Rico whipped his head around and stared at the rolling green hills of the golf course. He needed his master to be there soon. All of the golfers were becoming unbearably horny. They couldn't stop imaging their master, the guy that had once been their caddy, finally being in their presence again. Sure he was nineteen, skinny, and riddled with acne, but none of his slaves cared. They just wanted him to be there to boss them around and tell them what to think.
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Like he had been manifested by the men themselves, their master came over the hill and into view. Dopamine flooded each of their minds, but Rico started to panic!
He'd been put in charge of both enslaving his friends and keeping them enslaved. Rico knew it was a big responsibility; at least, that's what the voice in his head told him. His internal monologue also reminded him that he would whack himself in the balls with a golf club for each man that failed to follow the master's instructions. He had only checked half of the master's slaves!
Rico hoped the others had been just as diligent as the first half. He wouldn't mind the physical pain. He wouldn't even mind seeing everyone laugh at his self-punishment, but he couldn't bear to disappoint master. He had to be useful to the master. It was the only thing any of them were good for anymore...
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wannab-urs · 4 months
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Title: Under Your Skin
Pairing: Jack “Whiskey” Daniels x Javier Peña x F!Reader
Summary: You’ve worked on Chucho’s ranch since you were 15 years old, grew up with Javi, loved Javi… He comes back after nearly 20 years to find you hooking up with a certain former secret agent. He’s jealous, for sure, but of who? 
Warnings: mdni, 18+ post season 3 of Narcos, AU where Jack gets kicked out of the Statesmen instead of burgered, Javi being bi and repressed, Jack being a bisexual slut, SMUT, MMF dynamics, oral (f receiving), javi being a dick, oral (m receiving), javi tries to hit jack, gay kissing (!!!), making out, face sitting, reader kinda gets used and likes it, nipple play, throat fucking, Eiffel tower moment, brief f masturbation, brief m masturbation, pet names (sugar, cowboy, baby, hermosa), truly unreasonable amounts of cursing i’m sorry i talk like this, and also unreasonable amounts of southern phrasing, again sorry I talk like this, unprotected PIV, creampie, cum eating, teasing Javi, actually 90% porn with like a little backstory, kind of enemies to lovers, they’re all ranch hands technically, also they’re all romantically into each other but also javi is dumb and jack can’t believe anyone would want him for more than sex haha oops :)  WC: 3.5k
A/N: This is my @pedrostories Secret Santa gift to the lovely @javier-pena!! I hope it’s everything you wanted ahhhhh. I hope it's ok that this has nothing to do with Christmas and really doesn't even take place in the winter. I saw that you like Whiskey and Javi P, cowboys , and poly fics and like... could not resist. I tried my hand at enemies to lovers, a trope I love to read, but I think it came out pretty mild. I am so excited for you to read this!!!!! Happy Holidays ❤️
credits: dividers by @saradika // Thanks for the beta @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin, @beskarandblasters, and @idolatrybarbie
Jack Daniels Masterlist | Javier Peña Masterlist | Main Masterlist | AO3 | Kofi
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Working on a ranch isn’t easy, and it usually isn’t even all that fun. But it does have its perks. One such perk is currently on his knees with his face buried in your pussy. One of your legs is over Jack’s shoulder and you use it to pull him even closer, grinding your clit on his hooked nose. Just as you’re about to come, the door to the tack room slams open. You and Jack jump apart and you quickly start stuffing your legs back into your jeans. 
“For FUCKS sake, Daniels. This is the third time this week. Get back to fucking work.” Javier Peña, face red and chest heaving, looks like he just caught his girlfriend cheating on him. “And you. You should fucking know better.” 
You fasten the button of your jeans and smirk at Javi. “Know better than what, Javi?”
“Than to fuck around with some asshole like Daniels.” 
“He’s nicer than you,” you snark before storming out, making sure to slam your shoulder into Javi on the way out the door. He ruined a perfectly good orgasm.
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You’ve worked on Chucho’s ranch since you were 15 years old, taking care of the horses at first before graduating to fixing the fences and caring for the cattle as well. You and Javi had been best friends before he ran off to Colombia, spending every day after school and every second of daylight in the summer together on his father’s ranch. 
You had been in the back pew the day he never showed up for his and Lorraine’s wedding. You like to think you had something to do with that. He clearly, clearly, wanted out of Laredo, wanted nothing to do with the wife and 2.5 kids and picket fence life he was barrelling toward. 
His bachelor party was just the two of you drinking in the hayloft, you begging him to do what he’d always wanted to and him going on about duty and obligation. You’d almost kissed him that night, but stopped yourself. He was getting married the next day, for fuck’s sake. You’re glad he listened to you, in the end, even if he disappeared without so much as a goodbye.
In the years he was gone, you never really forgot about him. The truth was that he had been your first love, but you’d never worked up the courage to tell him, and then he was getting married and then he was gone. 
Jack looked so much like Javi that when he first showed up on the ranch, you asked if he was Javi’s cousin or something, a long lost Peña. He assured you he was from Kentucky and had no relation to the Peñas. Jack had been some sort of law enforcement, and the reason he was here on a ranch in Texas was a mystery to everyone but him. There were rumors he was fired, banned from law enforcement altogether, but nothing could be confirmed. He doesn’t seem like the type to have a bad past, but you never really know.
Jack is charming in a loud, overly confident sort of way. He’s smart as a whip and funny to boot. He’s a damn good time and he’s never asked anything of you but a good fuck and better company. It’s really more than you could have hoped for with Javi gone and no other prospects in town… that you had any interest in anyway.
Now, nearly a couple decades after he left, Javi is back working for his dad. He won’t talk about Colombia, even though everyone calls him a hero. You’d think he’d want to brag about his accomplishments down there, but he reminds you of war vets, the way he shuts down when anyone brings it up. 
He’s different now than the old Javi, your Javi, was. He’s surly, quick to snap at people, smokes like a freight train, and never does anything but sit in the bunkhouse and drink. You think you could handle all the change if he’d just talk to you. 
You were so close as kids, but now it’s like you don’t know him at all. The bright, funny, hot-headed kid you knew is gone and some asshole has replaced him. He barely speaks to you at all, but he treats Jack even worse – insinuating Jack can’t do his job, calling him an asshole at any given opportunity, even up and leaving a room when the man walks in. It’s ridiculous and you can’t figure out why he’s acting like this. Jack has never so much as looked at Javi sideways, even after all the harsh treatment.
You head to your room in the bunkhouse, all your work taken care of for the day already. It’s not like you were neglecting your job to hook up with Jack, as much as Javi might like to think that. You push open the door to your room and find Jack lounging in your bed, shirtless and barefoot. 
“Hey there, pretty girl,” Jack smiles at you, his eyes scrunching at the corners. God he’s cute. 
“Hi, cowboy. Made yourself at home, did you?” You start stripping out of your work clothes, not caring about Jack’s presence. Nothing he hasn’t seen before. Jack gets off the bed and pulls your mostly naked body into his chest, nuzzling your neck. 
“We got interrupted earlier.” 
“Fucking asshole. He’s just mad he’s not getting any.”
“May be more right than you know, sugar.”
You quirk an eyebrow at him but shrug off the comment, dropping to your knees and working at Jack’s belt buckle. 
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Javi hates that son of a bitch, he really does. He’s always sneaking off work to fuck whatever willing idiot falls for his charming smile and his stupid broad shoulders and his long bowlegs. 
He can’t believe you of all people fell for it, keep falling for it. Sure he’s pretty, but the guy is an asshole. Two days ago, he caught him in the store room with his hand down Jose’s pants. The guy is a slut, plain and simple. You’re too fucking good for him. 
Javi isn’t completely sure why Jack gets under his skin so bad. At least not in any way he’ll admit to himself or anyone else. Jack is charming without being sleazy, smart, good at his job, funny. There were rumors that Jack had done bad things in his past, though there’s nothing about the man that indicates he had, aside from his silence on the topic. Something Javi can’t honestly hold against him, considering his own refusal to open up. There’s no real reason for Javi to hate him, but he does. Everything the other man does sets him into a rage, his face hot, chest heaving, fists clenching. He wants to put his fist through a wall. 
He’s not quite sure where he went wrong with you. Sure, leaving for nearly 20 years does a number on a friendship, but he’s pretty sure it shouldn’t be this bad. You haven’t done anything wrong, other than fuck around with Jack, but every time he speaks to you now it’s a biting remark. A criticism of your work ethic, your choice in bed fellows, even your outfits. It’s like he has no control over his own damn mouth.
Javi knows he’s in the wrong, knows he should apologize for his comment earlier. He heads to the bunkhouse to find you. Your room is two doors down and across the hall from his. Javi doesn’t bother knocking, pushing the door open.
“Hey, do you have a sec–” Javi freezes in your doorway, catching an eyeful of you with Jack fucking Daniels’ cock in your mouth. Jack catches his eye and fucking winks at him. Javi ignores the twitch in his jeans and closes the door, stalking down the hall to his own room and slamming his door behind him.
Twice in one day? Seriously? He takes back the apology before he can ever offer it to you. This is just ridiculous. What do you see in Jack that you don’t see in him? And that’s the crux of it, isn’t it? Javi wants you for himself and he’s pissed that Jack got to you while you he was off not catching Escobar. 
There’s a knock on his door and then, “Peña?” Fucking Jack Daniels. 
“Piss off, Whiskey. Not in the mood.”
Jack opens the door anyway, steps inside and shuts it behind him. Javi takes his disheveled hair, still bare chest and feet. The man hadn’t even bothered to button his jeans. Javi is on his feet in the other man’s face in seconds. “I said piss off, Daniels. Something about that you don’t understand?” 
“No need to be hostile, Peña, I just wanted to check on you. Stormed out of there pretty quick.” Jack doesn’t back up an inch. 
“Forgive me if I don’t want to see her with your cock down her throat.” 
“Why, Jav? You like her or something?” Javi shoves Jack until his back hits the wall, hard. “Or is it because you’re afraid you’ll like it too much?” Javi sees red. He swings on Jack, but Jack catches his fist and pulls the other man into his chest. 
“Fuck you,” Javi growls it, lips almost grazing Jack’s, their mouths are so close together. 
“That an offer?” Jack smirks. If Jack didn’t know better, he’d think he heard Javi’s breath hitch in his throat at that. Before he can wonder if Javi is gonna try to hit him again, Javi crashes their lips together. 
Jack drops Javi’s arm and grabs the collar of his shirt in both hands instead. Jack licks into Javi’s mouth, slots a thigh between Javi’s and feels the other man’s cock getting hard against his leg. Jack walks him back toward the bed, tugging at the buttons of Javi’s shirt. 
Suddenly, the door opens and Javi flies back from Jack as if he’d shoved him, sprawling on the bed. Jack doesn’t even turn to look at you, just stares Javi down.
 “Hey, I heard…” you trail off, taking in the scene in front of you. Jack standing in the middle of the room, looking even more disheveled than the state you’d left him in. Javi spread out on the bed, shirt half untucked and half unbuttoned, his dick clearly hard in his jeans. “What am I looking at here?”
“Nothing,” Javi spits out. 
“Me and Jav had a little fight, but we kissed and made up, Sugar.” Jack winks at you and you feel your cheeks heat, feel a flutter of arousal in your belly. 
“Oh really?” You run your tongue along your top teeth, trying and failing to contain a smirk.
Javi furrows his brow at you. Do you sound… excited? Jack glances back and forth between the two of you. 
“Why don’t you close the door?” Jack asks you, his voice low. You kick the door closed behind you and walk over to Javi. You take his face in your hands and tug him toward you until he’s sitting up on the bed.
“Close your mouth ‘fore flies get in, baby.” He snaps his jaw shut and you press a chaste kiss to his lips. “This okay?” Javi nods slowly. You climb onto the bed, straddling Javi’s thighs, and kiss him again, deeper and longer than the first. 
Jack makes his way across the room and settles on his knees behind Javi, gripping his hips and pressing his lips behind his ear. 
“How about this? Is this okay?” Jack whispers. 
“Y-yeah,” Javi honest to god stutters. This is not where he thought this was going. He doesn’t even like men. Not usually. 
Javi kisses you like his fucking life depends on it. He sucks your tongue into his mouth, tangles his own with yours. Drags his mouth down your jaw line, your throat, leaves a mark on your collarbone. You finish unbuttoning Javi’s shirt and Jack pulls it off him and tosses it on the floor before he sucks his own mark into Javi’s neck and Javi bites back a moan at the feeling. He buries his face in the crook of your neck. 
“I um- I don’t really-” Javi’s face burns hot. He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. 
“It’s alright, I gotcha.” Jack runs his hands up and down Javi’s sides, soothing him. “Let’s start with something you’re familiar with, huh? Or at least I hope you are.” Jack slides off the bed, silently communicating with you what his plan is. 
You push Javi until he’s on his back in the center of the bed. You stand up and strip your panties and t-shirt off before you crawl up his body, dropping kisses on the soft curve of his stomach, his chest, his throat. You settle your knees on either side of his head, your soaked pussy hovering just over his face. This he can do, he thinks.
He grabs your thighs and licks a stripe from your core to your clit. You moan, one hand braced on the wall in front of you and the other fisted in his hair. He pulls you flush with his mouth and starts moving your hips for you, making you ride his face. He thrusts his tongue in and out of you while you grind on his nose, much like you had Jack’s earlier. They’re both so fucking beautiful, fuck. 
Jack gets situated between Javi’s spread thighs and takes in the sight of you straddling his face. It might be the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen. Your head thrown back in ecstasy, Javi’s strong arms pulling you back and forth on his face. 
Jack palms Javi through his jeans and he hears him moan into your skin. Jack strips his own jeans off, then drags Javi’s down far enough to free his cock. Jack’s mouth waters at the sight. Javi is thick, long, uncut. Fuckin’ gorgeous. He sucks the tip of Javi’s cock into his mouth, savoring the salty taste of his precum. Javi lets out a deep, muffled groan straight into your core and it sends you over the edge. Your cries only encourage Jack more and he takes Javi to the root, bobbing his head up and down the man’s length. 
Javi holds you to his face while he works you through your orgasm. He finally lets you go, and you fall to the side to catch your breath and shake off the aftershocks. 
Javi slides both hands into Jack’s hair, thrusting lightly into Jack’s mouth. Jack reaches a hand between his own legs and strokes himself while he lets Javi use his throat. You just came, but the sight of the two men together has your cunt clenching around nothing. You drop your hand to your clit and rub circles in time to Javi’s thrusts. 
Javi pulls Jack off him abruptly. “Fuck- you’re really good at that.”
“I know,” Jack smirks at Javi, his voice rough. 
“I’d really like to come in her tight little cunt though, instead of your mouth.” Javi looks over to you, eyes full of lust. “If that’s okay?” 
“More than okay, baby.” You shoo the boys off the bed and lay across it with your head hanging off the edge. Jack moves to stand by your head and slips the head of his cock between your open lips. Javi feels a twinge of jealousy at the way you both seem to know exactly what the other wants without saying a word aloud. But then you wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer to you and he lets it go. If this is the only time Javi gets to have you, he’s not going to waste it being jealous of the guy who just sucked him off. 
Javi drags his cock through your soaked folds. “So wet for us, baby.” Javi groans as he pushes inside you, slowly sliding in to the hilt. “Fuck, you feel so good.” 
Jack cradles your head in one hand while he shallowly fucks your throat, playing with your tits with his free hand. He tweaks your left nipple and you moan around his cock. Every thrust from Javi pushes you further down Jack’s length, forcing him to fuck your throat. You’ve never been used like this before, like some sort of proxy for two men to fuck each other, but you fucking love it. You feel close to coming again already, and no one has touched your clit in minutes. 
Jack pulls Javi to him and crashes their mouths together. Javi lets Jack plunder his mouth for a moment before sucking on the other man’s tongue, drawing a moan from the cowboy’s throat. He may have never kissed a man, but he’s been with enough women to manage that. 
The two men sync up, thrusting into your holes at the same time and you feel like you’re ascending to another fucking plane of existence. There are no thoughts in your head except for Javi and Jack and how fucking amazing you feel. And, briefly, the thought of them both stuffed in your core, stuffing you fuller than you’ve ever been. You clench at that thought, and Javi has enough presence of mind to drop his hand to your mound, rubbing messy circles on your clit. 
Your body tenses, back arching as you get closer and closer to the edge, which only serves to open your throat up more for Jack. Javi grabs your hips with both hands and starts pulling you onto his cock, hitting your g-spot every time. Suddenly, your entire body tenses and your pussy flutters around Javi’s thick cock. Your vision blacks out as your eyes roll into the back of your head, coming harder than you ever have before.
Jack comes down your throat with absolutely no warning, too lost in Javi’s mouth on his and your mouth around his cock to say a word. You grab his hips and hold him deep in your throat, swallowing around him. The force of his orgasm knocks him forward on the bed, hands planted on either side of your hips and face buried in the crook of Javi’s neck as he paints your throat. 
Javi thrusts into you a few more times before his hips still, flush with yours. He comes deep inside you for what feels like forever, his cum spilling out of you and dripping onto the bed. 
He pulls out of you slowly, dropping a kiss to your thigh before he goes to get a towel to clean you up. When he comes back, he finds you with your legs thrown over Jack’s shoulders, the man eating Javi’s cum out of your cunt. Javi’s spent dick gives a valiant twitch at the sight. 
“Guess I didn’t need the towel then?” Javi jokes, tossing it onto the bedside table and climbing back onto the bed. Jack sucks your clit into his mouth one last time and pulls off with a pop. 
“Guess not,” Jack smirks. You and Jack settle in beside Javi, Jack pulling the man’s head to his chest and you resting your head on Javi’s torso. You all sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes. 
“You’re not uh-” Javi closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “You’re not gonna tell my old man I-”
“That you like boys?” you snicker. 
“Not foolin’ anyone in those tight little jeans you wear, Jav.”
Javi presses his fingers into his eyelids and takes another deep breath. “Guys I’m serious.” 
“Of course. We won’t tell anyone. Not til you’re ready.” You lean up and kiss his cheek before nuzzling back into Javi’s tummy. 
“So you gonna tell her, or am I?” Jack looks like a kid in a candy store.
You sit up quickly. “Tell me what?” 
“Don’t–” Javi tries to plead with Jack.
“Sugar, he tried to hit me for messing around with you,” Jack interrupts. “Think he might have a crush.” 
“What the fuck, man?” Javi’s brow furrows so deep you think it might get stuck that way. 
Jack ignores him and addresses you, “He’s always starin’ at you and checking up on you and asking you for shit he can damn well get himself.”
“Javi, is it true?” 
Javi looks up at the ceiling as if he’s praying for God to have mercy on him. 
“Yeah, hermosa. It’s true. Lo- Liked you since I was a kid.” 
You smile so wide it hurts and wrap your arms around Javi, pulling him to you for another long, deep kiss. “Javi, baby, I was in love with you before you ever even got with Lorraine. And I never stopped loving you. Jack was just a stand-in, until he wasn’t.” You look over at Jack with a wince. “Sorry, Jack. No offense?” 
“None taken, sugar.” Jack smiles good-naturedly and kisses you on the forehead. “Could we do this again sometime? Or are y’all cuttin’ me out of the deal now?” 
“You’re not going anywhere, cowboy. Javi likes you too.” 
“Wait really?” Jack seems genuinely surprised. 
Javi drops his head into his hands and groans. “I need a fucking cigarette.”
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Oh and here's a silly little moodboard thing I made
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