#and with how he fucked up the friendship due to that (like. often a result of actions that stem from unprocessed envy... -
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my boy best friend having trouble identifying/accepting envy?
actually makes so much sense for him
#keroro#because if you think back to the childhood relationship with dororo. i really do believe he was envious of all he had#i mean obviously the money disparity. but also just being allowed to have pekopon stuff#but it wasn't like. an acknowledged and processed feeling. just in the back#and with how he fucked up the friendship due to that (like. often a result of actions that stem from unprocessed envy... -#like literally taking his things)#IT HONESTLY DOESN'T SURPRISE ME THAT HE NEVER DEVELOPED A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH IT?#i love that here he just needed an excuse to succumb to his crushing envy but still couldn't name it until tamama did#my boy best friend repressing negative and uncomfortable feelings is So real !#i love that he phrases it as 'i should be happy for my friend'. he has such a messed up mental relationship with Friendship#like obviously yes you should be happy for your friend#but he feels guilty that he's feeling envious AF because that's not how friends are supposed to act.#he wants to have friends and be a good friend but fails at every step precisely because of his attempts#plus 556 and dororo were both childhood friends of keroro so to me the parallel comes to mind#ESPECIALLY AFTER THAT VERY PARTICULAR SHOT OF DORORO LOOKING AT THE TWO OF THEM FROM BEHIND THE DOOR#very loud
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is it bad that I wanna put luca and vale on the spot (microphone) 😁 I wanna know 50, 37 and 12 & 13 💗
THANK YOU FOR SENDING MWAH <333 They have to put up with it for once lmao, as they do deserve some spotlight 🎤
50. Is there anything that scares them about their friendship/relationship?
For Vale esp a lot tbh, but the biggest factor probably is that he has trust issues enough for more than 10 lifetimes, which is not ideal while considering the fact that Luca's friend circle is pretty large. So his mind runs through fears of getting replaced or forgotten quite regularly, which is a feeling he still can't shake off, even years into their friendship.
Luca, though while being a much more trusting person in general, sometimes wonders if Vale would cut him off out of the blue, which is a very valid thought because this event literally already has happened once. Just that his main fear is that next time their friendship wouldn't be salvagable.
37. How did they become friends?
Both met each other a short while after Luca had to transfer schools, due to his dad switching work places and the resulting move. They didn't go to the same class, but parallel classes instead, so they didn't meet immediately. The actual first meet happened when both sneaked off for a smoke during lunch break.
Of course Luca was the first one to initiate conversation, as he possesses this introvert radar (iykyk) that literally almost every extrovert has lmao. Anyways, shortly summarized, they felt a connection rather fast, mainly because both of them were rebellious outcasts, had pretty similar interests + most of their opposite qualities complimented each other well. The more they started hanging out and spending time with each other, their bond got deeper and deeper.
Also, in Vale's case it much helped him that despite Luca being such a social butterfly, he is in a not so obnoxious way, which is one of the reasons that kinda intrigued Vale, as he usually does not feel the need to get closer to people that have a very social nature.
12. What would they say each other’s worst quality is?
Vale would most likely consider Luca's impulsivity to be his worst quality. While on one hand, he mostly appreciates this very fact about him a lot, it also has led to some negative consequences which he would've wished for Luca to not happen or having to go through.
For Luca, the fact that Vale relies too much on lying through many aspects of his life. While his ability to lie without effort often helped them out during dire situations, he dislikes that he also carries this on during other things just to shield himself off, for example his emotional issues, private problems in life, et cetera...
13. What would they say each other’s best quality is?
There's lots of qualities that Vale considers to be good about Luca, but his resilience is something he admires extremely. No matter how many rocks life has thrown against Luca, he always keeps on going on and finds ways to continue, even if he'd rather would not want to and giving up was easier. Hell, he's even the one that apologizes first for arguments, even if Vale was the one who initially fucked up.
Luca above all very much cherishes about Vale that he is a ride-or-die companion, no matter what ever happened, like that he has never spread his entrusted secrets, ratted him out for personal gains if he could've, him being there for Luca when he needed to be bailed out, and many more situations which require intrinsic and unexplained trust.
#my sims#oc facts#luca#vale#tried to keep this a bit shorter to not make the answer too long mwihi#I LOVE THEM TOO MUCH i could talk about them all day!
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THE BIRTHDAY BOY!!! And the entire reason I became so invested in DC in the first place, dear Dicky boy.
Dick and Clown first met when Clown was adopted at about seven years old. They first started as enemies but soon Dick noticed the way he fought, it was as if someone had trained him to copy his every move. Soon he realized Clown was intentionally losing fights, as if he didn’t want to be in them. On his own, Robin found and confronted the little Clown and after admitting he only fought because his father asked him to, they became good friends. They both intentionally faked fights and even found ways to separate from their fathers so they could just sit and talk instead. Soon when Joker aborted the plan to get his own Robin, they started meeting on their own. Clown was eventually trusted enough with his real identity and they even met during the day, Clown sneaking onto his Highschool/College campus at times. When he was fired from being Robin, their friendship became a bit more strained and they began to drift further away until they were entirely no contact. In their time apart Dick had all of his antics with spiral and the court of owls, Clown occasionally stalking him to check on him. When he thought Dick had died Clown mourned him the same way he did Jason. When he found he was alive again, he dumped his boyfriend, the Riddler, and moved to Blüdhaven. He spent his days annoying Nightwing and repeatedly hinting at a plan to "take him down". Dick found it more endearingly annoying than anything so he sort of let him do his thing. One day Dick caught him stealing from tourists, but he noticed a pattern in the thefts. Clown was very careful to steal from tourists on the richer side, and only stole money he knew they wouldn't notice was missing. After looking into it a bit further he found out not only was Clown extremely poor but also legally had been dead the entire time he had known him, so there was no way for him to get a real job. From that point on Dick had started helping him out, turning a blind eye to the thefts and even buying him food often. As days got colder they spent more and more time together until Clown slowly began to move into his apartment and eventually admitted his feelings for Nightwing. After a long conversation they found he reciprocated and now the two live together and are working on getting Clown's life back to some form of "normal".
Bruce found out about their friendship at 14 because Robin had taken a photo on a camera that he didn't realize was connected to the bat computer of them on a rooftop together, Clown now had the only copy of the photo left hung up in their apartment
Clown sort of “perches” on Dick all the time, climbing up onto his back, clinging to just chest, ect
Dick is an excellent cook, Alfred was determined to not let him end up like Bruce who somehow can even fuck up making cereal
Despite being close, due to his early transition, Dick had no idea Clown was trans and upon seeing his top surgery scars for the first time solemnly asked “did the Joker do this to you?” causing Clown to burst out in laughter for several minutes
Due to his high attendance at EVERY SINGLE PRIDE EVENT people already figured Dick was queer so when he did come out publicly, genuinely no one was surprised (especially with Bruce’s track record)
When they first started dating Dick regularly freaked out about how Bruce would feel so much so that when Bruce actually found out, he had sort of stopped worrying and was unphased by the resulting argument
Dick actually retrained Clown in combat because the joker had done so poorly and he worried about his safety
Bonus birthday HC: Every year everyone throws a surprise party for Dick, they do it every year and the kid is a great detective but some how always ends up (pleasantly) surprised
Sorry I’m sort of blanking on Nightwing HC’s at the moment more will come in the future don’t worry
#batfamily#batman#batmanau#dc#art#batfam#batmanoc#comics#oc#nightwing#dickgrayson#happy birthday dick
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I've seen a few argue that Amphibia has an 'unintentionally authoritarian' undertone when it comes to the moral of accepting change, and while I don't really agree with the argument, I have pondered over it.
The 'evidence' they bring up are as follows: According to Matt Braly, the motivation Marcy's dad had for taking a new job was that it was a big 'opportunity' for him. Going off Braly's words, it seems it was done not out of financial necessity, but simply because Mr. Wu wanted to. As a result, some call Mr. Wu selfish and uncaring, ungrateful for the lofty life he already had. They argue he should have learned a lesson at the end, not just his daughter.
Further 'evidence' is the way Andrias is portrayed in an anti-authoritarian light, but the show 'has an expectation of deference to parents and authority' when it comes to any other parental figure than Andrias or his father. The argument goes that it is 'inconsistent' for the show to never question the Wu parents for their actions, while negatively portraying Andrias'.
Again, I really don't agree, partly because the show doesn't consistently portray parents as 'beyond reproach.' I mean, Hop-Pop often mishandles or mistreats his family, even if he means well, and he's portrayed as...well, wrong for it.
But the main reason I don't agree is because the story is one that wants to end with Marcy accepting the move. Having her dad be 'in the wrong because he took a job he didn't need' would result in an ending where Marcy doesn't move due to her dad learning to appreciate what he already has, thereby...nullifying the ending's message that being distant from her friends won't mean Marcy loses their friendship.
That being said, I think a fair point was made regarding the motivation for the move - if that really was Mr. Wu's reasoning, then I can see why some would interpret the story's resolution as 'your parents can't be challenged, even if they're taking you from an environment that gives you joy without any necessity.' Which is why it stays on my mind even if I don't agree - which brings me to my question: is this argument making a decent point by using evidence from the show creator, or is it another one of those takes that people use to justify their feelings rather than make an argument in any good faith?
This argument is so stupid that I hard stopped and my first instinct was to delete it.
That's not a joke. I needed a sanity check so bad that what I was reading was genuinely just insane that instead of waiting until after I'd written this to discuss it with my Discord, I immediately sent them the ask. Like... What? What show did you watch to make this? What is your definition of authoritarianism to think Andrias, Aldritch and THE FUCKING CORE are not people who force their will, loss of self, etc. upon others for the sake of the state and themselves which is at least a pretty decent component of authoritarianism. It's closer to say their argument is pro-authority but... We'll get to it.
So before I actually get into their bad evidence or how much of the show they're ignoring, let's just talk about lack of evidence. My blogs tend to be so long because rather than go "If you don't see this, you need to rewatch the show", I will actually try to be thorough in my examination and even bring up counter examples against my arguments. Most of my negative blogs on Lumity or Amity still admit that Eclipse Lake is a highlight for them. A sign of what could have been that is then drowned out by what actually happened. I am thorough though in part to make sure my argument is sound. I've literally had moments in blogs where looking at the evidence made me hard stop, like when I realized the first time that after Adventure in the Elements, Eda and Luz do NOTHING together for the rest of the season which I didn't know when I started my first blog on the issues with TOH's found family.
Their evidence, their ONLY evidence, is a very specific interpretation of something a creator said about a character who is vocal in one scene, not even on screen, and Andrias/Aldritch supposedly being anti-authoritarian. That's it. They bring up literally ZERO other power structures, authority figures, parents, etc... Because they'd be fucked if they did. They only focus on this very small group because they can spin it in a way that makes their argument sound reasonable. Not including 90% of the rest of the show though means their argument is inherently unsound.
So... What does the other 90% of the show say?
Well first: THE CORE IS AUTHORITARIAN. ANDRIAS IS AUTHORITARIAN. Aldritch... More up and down but that's kind of because he had such a prosperous state as to not need to quell rebellions but even he saw even one concerned cry of dissent as treason. Andrias is a good leader... Because he needs to be. He bides his time but the minute he has absolute power, he rules absolutely. Those who do not obey are literally mind controlled into serving him. Their personhood lost for the state. Hell, Andrias prefers DRONES over people to do his bidding and literally outfitted a robot with a BOMB as a punishment for if it didn't get its job done. The Core literally has a fuck everything but me button with the moon for if people don't listen to it and gives it what it wants and its whole gimmick is literal assimilation and then being crushed under the actual personality and desires of The Core. So yeah, the more substantial part of their evidence is just FLATLY WRONG.
But what about pro-authority? I said that was probably what they were going for more after all, especially since calling Mr. Wu authoritarian... *gestures at how fandoms moralize again because sweet fucking christ* So how does the show treat authority figures and especially blind trust in authority figures? With giving them absolute power and seeing that as a good thing?
You all remember how S1 ended with an upheaval of the status quote of the world because what the toads was doing was being evil and Sasha's want for Anne to listen to her, no questions asked, was unhealthy, right? Or how about how the one time Hop Pop gets full power over everyone instead of having to commonly explain himself or give concessions was the mind control episode where he was blatantly in the wrong? Toadstool... Exists. He actually only is a good guy once he stops only focusing on himself and wanting absolute power and greed and starts thinking about others and being willing to sacrifice for them. Wally's father wants the repression of his son's identity and desires before being proven wrong and a hypocrite.
One of the show's big themes is community and the positive effects of community and you literally CAN'T be pro-authoritarian, or arguably even pro-authority, with that as a core theme. You cannot say supporting and listening to only one person is correct if your main argument is that people are stronger and better working together and supporting each other. Hell, Hop Pop has an episode where he abuses the blind trust of his customers and it only ends badly for everyone. That is literally not something you can include if your main message is pro-authoritarian.
And finally... I could literally just say "Your anger about not seeing Sasha and Marcy's parents will never be justified" again about Mr. Wu. It's just another way to try to call him abusive. To say Marcy was in the right and the trio should have stuck together. Life changes like this do sometimes just happen. My last major move that wasn't just shifting places in the same small town, happened because a sudden decline in someone in the household's health made it less tenable for me to be there. The emotional strain was getting too great for me to handle. I was gone within a month or two.
Mr. Wu wanting a promotion because he cares about his job is not wrong of him. If the guy the position was supposed to go to fell through, he might have only been given weeks to make the choice and move which means pretty much no time to include his daughter. But also... Parents exist for more than their children. He is still caring about Marcy, he isn't literally abandoning her or kidnapping her, so it's okay if he wants to pursue what he cares about too. And that's pretty much the most cynical I can get about it because this isn't getting into him potentially wanting a better job to set aside more money for Marcy's college fund, or how the job they had might have been strained financially and this move could mean going somewhere MUCH cheaper to live as well. Or like... A hundred other reasons Mr. Wu might have seen this as a great opportunity in general.
And here at the end, I stand amongst an eviscerated argument and am tempted to just go "Stop." At least when others bring me arguments, they actually believe in those arguments. They actually think there might be credit to them. It's a very different feeling to have someone actively admitting they think a take is bullshit when it's brought to you, which is part of why I chose to talk about arguments in general with this like I did with your last ask too.
But... I also do get it. I literally needed a sanity check because of how insane this argument was to me. Not everyone has a Discord like mine though where they feel comfortable sharing posts like this and asking for thoughts, let alone have anyone in the Discord who can properly formulate an argument with evidence for why a take is insane. I might be your only option for a sanity check.
So if you want to keep bringing these, feel free to but also, I do have a dedicated Amphibia discussion channel in my Discord. I have one for TOH too. That way if you want to join but don't want to hear about a show, you at least mostly don't if you just mute the channel (they still both come up from time to time while discussing other cartoons but the bulk of the discussion happens in those channels.)
But BOY these Amphibia arguments are fucking wild to me. It honestly probably is a testament for how good the show is at its themes and messaging that people have to stretch THIS HARD to have anything where as when TOH fans go "It's anti-colonial" I at least understand why they have the base premise they do.
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I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!
I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past.
I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead.
If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.
A Twitter you can follow too
And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.
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I just want to say, I appreciate your highlighting of the way people of colour expressing discomfort with how Nate and Shandy have been handled is often being ignored by this fandom. It may not be intentional, but all these written interactions are so charged, and excluding Nate, one of the most important characters in the show, from half the episodes of the season while at the same time bringing the character that made his life so unpleasant to the forefront, has so not been sitting well with me. Having him have to “earn” the right to be treated like a person is gross. And Shandy…the offloading of all the problems associated with her hiring onto her, rather than acknowledging Keeley’s failures; the treatment of her as a joke; the way Keeley makes more of an active effort to connect with Jack than she has all season with the “underlings”…it feels like an intersection of racism and classism, and I am just not feeling it at all. Anyway, sorry for the ramble, I just wanted to say, I appreciate you emphasizing the need to believe us when we call out things about this story.
Thank you for your message, anon, and the added nuance to this topic. It’s something I can’t word quite as well, surely due to my own bias as a white European, and the credit for bringing it to my attention lies solely with good folks like you who point this stuff out. <3
See, I didn’t even think of Jamie’s and Colin’s arcs in relation to Nate’s here. I think Jamie’s is a very important story to tell, to show audiences how toxic men were once boys suffering under violent fathers, and how hard it is to break that cycle; and I also love the young queer/queer elder friendship we’re getting. But I also have to… kinda ignore at what cost we’re getting both if I want to take this direction in as it is.
It is jarring to think back on the Richmond team walking out of that tunnel and glaring at Nate like that. There is no compassion. No reflection on what they did to HIM. Only the expectation that he should be thankful that they… stopped bullying him??? That’s fucked up.
And look, I am STILL holding out hope that they’ll somehow address this, that they’ll give Nate the chance to heal from the *Richmond* trauma. He lashed out against Ted in an attempt to get back at Richmond as a whole, I think, and no wonder! How many years has he suffered the abuse coming from Jamie and Colin before Ted came along? How long have the others just watched? Is this a result of Rupert’s management, the toxic coach they had before? Why not address that?!
I think the focus is just way off this season. I wanted to see how Nate deals with the aftermath, and the first few episodes delved right in, even adding Shandy as a mirror to Nate’s arc!
Only to drop it in favor for a narrative that serves us white queer folks, on of which was Nate’s bully. And like. God. I am so conflicted because the AIDS epidemic wasn’t even that long ago! Gay men are still very much struggling. Queer people are still ostracized. There’s a genocide on trans people on its way. I’m queer myself and love what they did in the last episode.
But shouldn’t there be room for ALL of us? Especially, you know, people of color who are also very much still dying at the hands of other white people? What stopped them from doing Keeley/Shandy, for example? Why must it be her white skinny rich boss? (I mean. We know why, right.) There’s so much room for more, and in light of the things they DO get down SO WELL, it’s especially frustrating because the writers seem like they should be aware of these societal issues.
Well. You see me rambling as well now, anon. Goes to show how hard it is to discuss this all in a nuanced manner, especially since I’m lacking so much context myself.
But yeah, this is why we can’t just pick people of color for the roles we write and then change nothing about their arcs. Intersectionality and CRT needs to be mandatory at writing schools if you ask me.
#sasha answers#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers#ted lasso critical#my spouse pointed out that shandy might return#and I’m still holding out hope that jack is called out with her classims and thinly-veiled racism#but the little things are piling up and make it hard to trust tbh#idk man. I love this show. but the first 5 episodes just felt off#like a completely different show
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Fic Writer Self Rec
Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers ❤️
Oooh, a chance to ramble about my fics, I see, well let's do this! Thank you, @sliebman10!
Let's tag... @mikaharuka , @alpaca-clouds , @thememoryofthatday , @sapphosewrites , @axolotlsupremacyowo , @0nelittlebirdtoldme , @kayedium-writes and @tsunderewatermelon !
Ok, ok, so... as usual, I'm going to be jumping around, because you guys know how my attention span can be xD
1. Life is a Rollercoaster; or Tao Xu's Fight Against the Big Butterfly of Doom (Heartstopper | 11.1k | Fluff, Humor, Time Travel)
Tao got the chance to go back in time and undo his worst mistake. Tao prevented Charlie from being outed or bullied. Tao changed things enough that, the second time around, Charlie didn't get assigned the seat next to Nick Nelson in form.
…Fuck.
Or: the Butterfly Effect sucks, and if Tao has to take desperate measures to ensure his friend's happiness, he will. He draws the line at Iron Man 2 though, someone has to keep some standards around here.
I binged the show and immediately got the urge to write something for it, but I didn't expect it to blow up as it did! I had fun with this one, and the readers were super nice and encouraging, plus sharing this one is what led me to eventually meet @mikaharuka as we rambled over our fics, so for that alone it's always going to have a special significance for me 😁
2. Neither Grief Nor Glory (TSOA/Hades | 7.6k | Angst, Smut)
Dying had been a relief, but death is turning into its own kind of torment.
Dying was just the beginning. Achilles' journey back to Patroclus is a long and twisted one. Along the way he'll have to confront his unaddressed grief, face his many regrets and learn to truly become a man worthy of Patroclus' unconditional love.
But like all journeys, eventually he'll reach his safe harbor.
My first yuletide! This one took months and a couple of minor breakdowns, but the end result is something I am very proud of, both in terms of the prose and the worldbuilding. And my giftee left the loveliest comment ☺️
3. All That Matters (Asterix the Gaul | 2.6k | Character Study, Queerplatonic Relationships)
Asterix has always felt different, but he has Obelix, and that is usually enough. Everybody else has questions, however, and he grows tired of answering.
"He wants to shout, even if he still doesn't know what he wants to say, even if he knows that if he lets his frustration take hold of his tongue, he will regret the harm he will cause."
This was... very, very cathartic to write. I remember rewriting sections of this so often, and I am humbled by the response it had. It was a very validating experience.
4. Life is a Flower, Love is the Honey (Deep Space Nine | 9.5k | Romance and Fluff)
“I don’t think Julian would like that,” Leeta said, without pausing to think about it, but… “We could ask him,” Rom had replied. And wasn’t that an interesting idea?
(A self-indulgent, mostly Rom-centric, Julian/Leeta/Rom fic because I was re-watching ‘Bar Association’ and this happened. I have no regrets.)
The one that brought me back into writing, after several years of hiatus... and the one that gave me confidence to push on, even if I nearly backed out due to it featuring a strange rarepair. This story is always going to be special for me <3
4. When You Speak, I Hear Silence (Deep Space Nine | 1.8k | Friendship)
Terok Nor is no more, and strange new aliens are coming to the newly named Deep Space Nine. Nog doesn't expect life to change; but then he finds a friend, who gives him the greatest gift he will ever receive.
If there's a fic where I wouldn't change a single word or a moment of the writing process, it has to be this one. I'm so glad I didn't go with my initial idea, because this version with Jake&Nog just made things click for me ^_^
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ARC Review of A Holly Jolly Ever After by Julie Murphy and Sierra Simone
Premise:
Winnie Baker, a former child star with no career prospects after her divorce, is tapped to play the lead in a Hope Channel (After Dark) Christmas movie alongside former boybander and current pizza franchise owner Kallum Lieberman, who will be playing a sexy Santa Claus. The problem is, Winnie has no idea how to go about being sexy on camera...
My review:
I loved the concept of an inadvertently sexy Hallmark movie in A Merry Little Meet Cute, and it seems so did the world at large because now Hope Channel is putting out a softcore Santa biopic (complete with magical peppermint cum) which I think is just inspired.
Winnie grew up in a conservative, Christian environment and was a child star which resulted in her loved ones and the media expecting her to maintain this perfect, god-honoring image. She's recovering from purity culture and has never experienced sexual pleasure due to internalized shame and one terrible partner. Enter Kallum, serial bridesmaid fucker and fresh from a leaked (and later licensed) sex-tape. After an awkward fake orgasm on set, Winnie requests sex lessons from Kallum at first to find her own pleasure, and then it rapidly evolves into them hooking up on the reg.
Similar to Winnie's sexual awakening, she also has this moment of questioning the compulsory heterosexuality she was raised with (at a Christmas-themed strip club lol), and while it didn't go much further than that, I did like the call out.
I liked Kallum more than I was expecting. I'm not usually a fan of himbo heroes, but his easygoing nature and unconditional acceptance of Winnie as she is was lovely to read. He's never infantilized the way some heroes of this persuasion are; a decent portion of the narrative is about him learning to own up to shit he wouldn't have in the past. I also liked the dad bod rep— body diversity in heroes is even rarer than with heroines, so reading about a man who is big, has a belly, and can absolutely get it was a nice change of pace.
I really liked the friendship between Kallum, Nolan, and Isaac. Male friendships is something I don't see often in romance novels. They've been through a lot and are often separated from each other, but they still have the kind of relationship that allows them to hit each other up after months of no communication, and then an hour later they're crying together about unrequited love.
In terms of conflict, I was on the edge of my seat for most of the second half waiting for the ex-husband or Winnie's uber-conservative parents to fuck shit up, but what we got instead was this really interesting moment of delayed uncertainty on Winnie's part regarding the suitability of Kallum as a long-term partner. I wasn't entirely sold on the inciting incident that caused Winnie's doubts, but it felt like such a valid fear and overall, Sierra and Julie did a good job of exploring the potential perils of a himbo partner.
The sex:
I loved reading about Winnie experimenting with masturbation and figuring out what worked for her. It was written in a way that was curious and joyful despite her delayed sexual exploration thanks to being entrenched in purity culture for so long. Basically, the Peppermint Stick vibrator was the gingerbread-scented hand lotion of this book (iykyk).
And once Winnie finally gets going, she and Kallum can't be stopped. There's a subtle emphasis on p-in-v sex not being the be-all-end-all (or a given, at first) which kinda fit the vibe of Winnie's almost high school-esque sexual experimentation with Kallum. Later on, there is, in fact, the rare contemporary romance butt stuff (do I think there should have been pegging at some point? perhaps).
Overall:
I had a lot of fun reading this Christmas-themed romance! It was sweet and sexy, and I look forward to reading the next book which I'm guessing is about Tragic Widower Who Assumes His Late Wife Wanted Him To Have That Threesome, Isaac Kelly.
Thank you to Avon and Harper Voyager and NetGalley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my review.
#arc#arc review#netgalley#sierra simone#julie murphy#contemporary romance#avon books#avon#Harper Voyager#romance novels
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I swear I'm working on the long post that actually goes into depth with the timeline of HS, but imma just do this for now. This one will only focus on what happens to the daycare attendants, but believe me a whole lot of other shit does down as well. I tried my best making this short as possible, so sorry if some of it doesnt make sense
CW: Death and Suicide, if you are sensitive to these things, then please dont read this
The Haunted Stars AU focuses around the two main characters, Sun and Moon, along with their newfound brother, Eclipse. All of them were created to test evolving AI, and gave them personalities. Eclipse was made before Sun and Moon as a test run. Eventually, Eclipse began to spazz out and the staff wouldnt do anything about it, resulting in some of them ending up dead by the hands of Eclipse.
At that point, the staff decided that instead of decommissioning him, they would shove him into the back of an arcade machine. His soul pretty much became a part of the machine. By the time that Sun and Moon were made, Eclipse made his actual first appearance to them as a hand that reached out of the machine they were playing with. Sun pulled him out of the machine, and their friendship went on from there. (Mind you the others havent been built yet)
Moon wasn't very fond of Eclipse, to him there was something off about him. So he tried to avoid him as much as he could. When everyone else was built, and the place opened. Things just began to go haywire
Eclipse put a virus in Moon that made him pretty much go insane. The virus would later be removed after Sun and Moon are separated.
During that time, Sun ended up developing a relationship with Freddy, and would meet up after hours because staff wouldnt allow the animatronics leaving their stations during the day. They had very little time before the lights went out, so they did as much as they could together.
Eventually, they asked the staff if they could build a kid for themselves. They sent them blueprints of different options, and Sun and Freddy could choose which one they wanted. After that, Marigold and Primrose were made, and they lived with Sun, Moon, and Eclipse in the daycare. Sun figured that they should have three brothers as well, and in response to that, Eclipse created Maroon with his own magic. There was a limit to it though. Maroon ended up having to learn ASL and communicate that way due to his voice box constantly glitching and eventually stopped working
All three of them got along very well. They all shared roles and learned from each of their dads, and were very happy with their lives. However, one day, Moon and Eclipse got into a heated argument. After this argument, Eclipse decided to put the same virus that he put in Moon in Primrose. Causing him to start having the same outbursts and random needs for murder. This really fucked up Marigold and Primroses relationship, and Primrose ended up hating Moon, Marigold, and Maroon.
Moon and Primrose would get into disagreements quite often since Moon eventually was able to control his virus to some extent. Primrose would always just dismiss him and would leave with Eclipse. This really pissed Moon off, and only made him hate Eclipse more.
After a battle with Afton, resulting in both Afton and Freddy dying, Sun and Moon decided to separate from each other. Moon was able to make himself a new body, and transferred his AI into it. Eclipse later learned about this, and it gave him an idea. His old physical body was still inside of the arcade machine, so he was pretty much just a ghost, and if he ever got broken, there were no spare parts for him to get fixed with. He decided that he could possibly figure out a way to put his AI into Suns body.
He did eventually figure out how to do it, and when he successfully got into Suns head. He began to slowly force control over Sun. Resulting in Eclipse locking Sun in his own mind, and Eclipse made sure that his body still looked exactly like Sun. With this, he decided to begin terrorizing the others some more. Specifically Moon, Marigold, and Maroon. (I forgot to mention that Marigold and Primrose also separated as well)
Eclipse killed both Moon and Maroon after getting bored of terrorizing them. Marigold always stayed hidden from him. No one knew that this wasnt Sun, no one was even aware that Eclipse was in his head. Eclipse eventually let Sun back in control after a few months of keeping him locked away. After realizing that his brother is dead and everyone is scared of him now. He decided that he needed to figure out a way to get rid of Eclipse.
Unfortunately for Sun, the only thing that he was able to think of doing, was killing himself to kill Eclipse. Now that Eclipse was a part of him, it was the only way that seemed logical to him. Sun would rather die than anyone else get killed by Eclipses hands. He grabbed the wires in the back of his head, and tore them up. This caused him to short circuit and fall to the ground.
After everything, the daycare was rebranded to have Marigold and Primrose on it instead of Sun and Moon, now that they were both gone. Things were calmer for all of them after that, they may never fully heal from the mental scars they endured, but at least it was over
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!! 💜✨
[ send "!!" & I'll introduce you to an oc ]
Thank you <3 it's Lannie time now 😎 (hes technically a fictpara bc he's based on Yellow Lantern!Jonathan. but. shush.)
Lannies full name is Lancelot Crowley (he/him). Yes Lannie is short for Lancelot. No you're not allowed to call him that unless your his mom (Sabrina) or his brothers (Noah & Christopher).
He hails from Florida (which explains....so much. everything) and didn't really have a dad growing up bc all of Sabrina's lovers dipped soon after her boys were born (yes they're technically half brothers who cares). Because of this, Sabrina was a single mother and had to work a lot to support the family. Lannie was the middle child (Noah being the oldest & Christopher being the youngest) and often took care of house repairs due to money being tight.
Lannie was picked on a lot during childhood (none of the Crowley's had a....Happy Life, to put it simply). He was a quiet kid who daydreamed a lot and didn’t really have many friends. Easy bully fodder. Eventually he grew up and moved to Prisn Pulse, where he graduated from Pulse University with a chemistry, psychology, & teaching degree. He went on to teach at PU until he got fired bc of his....unsafe teaching methods. He killed everyone involved in his firing and then moved on to become a psychologist at DayBreak Asylum.
His involvement in the murders were soon found out by Agent Owl & Commissioner Cori, leaving Lannie to "defend" himself with a Fear Shard he got from Henry Sinclair (the only other person to wield a Fear Shard). Anyway. Thus his villain career as "Lantern" began! What followed was a series of chaotic crimes meant to strike fear into the citizens of Prism Pulse.
His main opponent was Faith Spade, who weilded a Hope Shard. To sum it up, they sort of fell in love and had Harlow Spade (who I've already talked about lol). But Lannie doesn't know Harlow's his kid, so he thinks they're annoying and getting in the way of his plans.
...at first. Because, again, not a lot of people actually cared about Harlow's well being. Lannie, at the very least, refused to fight a literal 8 year old and was constantly wondering if she should be up to late on a school night. A lot of their bonding, at first, was over Faith because they both missed her (well, Lannie did. Harlow never knew Faith & her dad refused to talk about her). So Lannie told her stories about her mother and it evolved from there. The two form an odd sort of friendship that results in Harlow switching sides and working for Lannie at 15, going by "Mayhem".
Ok personality time 😎 like Harlow, he's a chaotic mess, but a lot more calculated due to his age/experience. He spends way too much time on tiktok and has 0 idea how to use Twitter. He cries everytime his Shard is taken away from him. He's really into old anime and star wars. Overall he's a fucking mess but both I & Harlow love him and claim him as our dad 💛.
Again here's his playlist as a reward for reading all that shit.
#paraportal#luka answers#player: blue bubonic#console: mad as a crow#lannie crowley#lanternverse au#game: crystalized gold#playlist#lukas circus oddities#parache
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✨️CHAZZ & KORE: HEADCANONS🥀
Chazz and Kore headcanons because I'm exploring more of their dynamic and I just love the two dumbasses being together they have held a place in my heart back when I was like fucking nine but I am gonna projectile vomit headcanons I have for them here. ((Enjoy these pics I just found that perfectly describe Chazz and Kore's ✨️energy✨️))
Back then, when I first made her yes I did ship her with Chazz, but I made it so that they're like besties, or Chazz begrudgingly having been stuck with her friendship wise, and allow the build up so basically a massive slow slow SLOW BURN. But they don't confess till like a few years AFTER SEASON 4 OF YUGIOH GX.
I'm just gonna bullet point because I'm too lazy:
• Kore and Chazz started out as distant due to Chazz originally being in obelisk blue and how he acted. However, Kore massively admired him as a duelist and respected him as such.
• Somehow (I'm still trying to work out how) they end up slowly bonding over little things which oddly brings them closer and ultimately and begrudgingly cause Chazz to talking to her as they bond and get to know one another. But it wasn't until literally after Chazz got beaten during the school duel where Kore got to learn more about Chazz as they both started from there to somewhat become friends. Before that, they were actually mere acquaintances and on civil terms.
• Chazz absolutely most definitely acts like he doesn't care much about Kore. But in reality he will absolutely go through hell and back to defend her if anyone dared of accusing her for something he knows she would never do or belittle her, he is the first to dive at their throat.
• Kore can surprisingly tolerate his behaviour. That's not saying Chazz can treat Kore however he wants, in this Chazz does try to be a bit better and understanding of Kore, since Kore can admittedly get a bit frustrating at times. But, Chazz slowly learns why Kore acts in a certain way, why she does some things either differently, etc.
• Kore doesn't help taking care of herself that well as often. Kore tends to admittedly neglect basic human things like eating, having proper sleep, drinking plenty water or making sure she's in fit enough health - that's when Chazz steps in and gently reminds her (forcefully) that she needs to take better care of herself. He even one point came to her dorm and practically pried his ass in to give her food and drink because she said she hadn't ate all day. There's a dent outside her dorm room door where Chazz kicked the door open through sheer force because Kore locked herself in her dorm for three days and spoke to no one, all because Kore ended up getting herself physically sick accidentally and basically slept through most of those days.
• (I have mentioned this one previously so apologies for the repeat) Kore may seem like the less confrontational person, but Kore is a MASSIVELY loyal person and will have anyone's back that she cares for till the end. That's also including Chazz. She will defend Chazz fiercely and will throw hands and/or a chair. Would resolve with a Duel but hands are less time consuming.
• As previously mentioned, it took Chazz quite a while to deal with Kore's behaviour, always getting frustrated with her when she does certain things. Once he learns why she does certain things, he may be more lenient with her. He found out somehow before she came to Duel Academy that Kore had literally zero friends, so Kore naturally doesn't have that great of people skills. Chazz tries to be more patient as a result of this. Kore is trying her best to read people's emotions or social cues.
• (TW for this one idk??) Kore has old scars on her wrists and some on her hands. Not from self harm, but usually due to how she manages to get herself injured. Kore does have a very bad habit of picking at the old scabs, mindlessly doing it without even realising, and it takes Chazz to notice and gently grab her hand to hold it to stop her. Example: Both were watching a movie once when Chazz first noticed this habit, so proceeded to gently hold her hand to stop her. He didn't voice it, nor surprisingly make a big deal, just held her hand as they watched the movie.
• Will give each other certain foods they may not like. For example, if Kore has food that she hates, but Chazz loves that kind of food, she'll give it to him and vice versa.
• Kore is oblivious to flirty remarks. Chazz painfully picks them up quick while he watches Kore in amusement as Kore assumes that some guy was just being nice to her. Chazz pisses himself laughing at this shit.
• Chazz found out about Kore's sea glass collection, where he discovered in her desk drawers being filled to the brim with sea glass. He'll never admit it, but he did get Kore a custom designed sea glass bracelet as a surprise birthday gift for her. His words were along the lines of "ik you collect those dumb rocks or whatever it is so here I got you this stupid dumb thing". Yes he went out of his way to pay high money for a nicely custom designed sea glass bracelet specifically for Kore. Yes he also did steal his brothers credit card info to pay for said highly paid customed bracelet. Is his brothers aware? I don't know.
• With that being said - following on from the last point - Chazz is responsible for getting Kore things she's into or replacing anything that he thinks Kore really needs. Example - A very old, cracked and out of date phone that Kore has? Chazz purposely breaks it and got her a new one. Kore still doesn't know that Chazz broke her old phone. Nor does she know that Chazz got her that new phone she found outside her dorm room one day. Chazz will never admit it (its very fucking obvious to everyone else). The latest thing that Kore has been into but she can't get it? Someone mysteriously sends a package to her containing said thing she wanted.
• Chazz massively judges Kore for the guys (and gals) she's into. He'll always make jokes about it, however, in reality he's just worried about Kore's safety and doesn't want Kore being harmed by anyone. Anyone that has expressed interest in Kore - Chazz has threatened them and basically has admitted they'll never be good enough for Kore.
• Always picks at Kore for how she sits. Kore will usually slouch a lot so as a result Chazz does scold her for slouching and makes her sit up straight each time before she ends up "looking like a shrimp". ((Funny enough in the future this has massively helped Kore improve her posture from Chazz's constant nagging and his scolding))
• Chazz's feelings for Alexis...Kore has teased Chazz about it, however she knows when to not go far. Kore has tried helping Chazz to move on, and has comforted him in regards to it. Doesn't mean she hasn't scolded Chazz for his weird behaviour towards Alexis though.
• Kore rarely cries. She's not one to show tears in front of anyone unless it's very close friends. The first time Chazz saw Kore cry was when she had a massive emotional break down (won't say why due to plot reasons but he doesn't see her this badly upset till like season 3 and 4). Kore has never once expressed vulnerable emotions like crying in front of Chazz, so when he does catch her, Kore feels like an idiot. Chazz wouldn't exactly know how to comfort her but I'd imagine they'd hug it out together with words not necessarily being needed.
• Kore has worn Chazz's jacket once. ONCE. She wore it mainly because it was cold and Chazz offered her his jacket to keep warm. Upon wearing said jacket...Kore found out that fateful day just how bad it stunk. She definitely deep fucking cleaned that jacket when Chazz was busy or asleep. She was absolutely mortified just finding out someone like Chazz never cleans his jacket (or his laundry in general JUDGING FROM THAT ONE EPISODE THAT DIRTY GOBLIN OF A MAN).
• During the Society Of Light arc, Kore actually tried to be the first to snap Chazz out of being part of the weird cult, until Alexis caught her and ended up dueling each other. When Kore was close to victory, Alexis last minute took a one up on Kore and defeated her. This however, instead of brainwashing Kore, ended up putting Kore in a coma. Once Chazz is finally snapped out of being brainwashed, he of course finds out and feels such immense guilt and pressure, feeling himself being responsible(his mindset: caused Alexis to turn to the society of light, in turn Alexis defeated Kore and put her in a coma, therefore Chazz feels at fault for everything). Of course once everything settles and Sartorius is defeated, Kore gets out of her coma and is greeted by Jaden and the gang. Chazz is the first to greet Kore and worry over her, but once he realises Kore is fine enough, immediately in his usual fashion claims victory for taking down the whole Society of Light and boasts to Kore (claiming all the credit as usual). However, Kore immediately hugs Chazz and they both share a big sentimental hug and they just let Chazz have this one. (Kore's big bro Riley still holding the whole cult thing over Chazz, Alexis and Bastion's heads mainly because...Well his little sis was in a coma and ofc he was fucking fuming the entire season and legit throws jabs at them at any opportunity over it. Kore might be forgiving but Riley isn't so forgiving.)
• During season 4, Chazz is the one who's more so present to Kore's now poor mental state meanwhile Kore continues to isolate herself and tries to get through to Jaden at the start of the season. Chazz tries to talk with Kore about her isolating herself just like Jaden, and refusing any sort of help. Chazz unfortunately does end up pushing her boundaries for once, which leads them to having a massive argument/screaming match with Kore slowly distrusting Chazz. (They do eventually make up and slowly rekindle their friendship half way through season 4 but it takes a bit and Chazz making it painfully obvious how he just wants their friendship to be how it once was. So, basically it's switching from their dynamic compared to season 1 where Kore was the one wanting to be Chazz's friend and finding him cool while Chazz found her a bit annoying and pushing her off, to now where Kore is the one shoving him away and Chazz trying desperately to get closer to her.)
• Kore HATES the feeling of polyester fabric. Chazz found out about this one day when Kore was constantly uncomfortable from the feeling of a polyester cloth that she was using the clean. Chazz has since disposed of anything polyester or unless if its clothing wise, he tries to be careful around her.
• Kore of course is aware of Chazz' relationship with his brothers. I'd imagine during the holidays Kore would always offer Chazz to stay with her and her family to avoid any conflict with his brothers. Chazz had refused, but one summer decided to agree and her family immediately brought Chazz in with open arms and treated him as part of their own.
This is all I got. I didn't anticipate for this to being super duper long but IT'S DONE. I'm going for a nanna nap.
#yugioh gx#yugioh#my post#ygo#ygo gx#yugioh oc#chazz princeton#jun manjoume#Just love them so much I wanna squeeze them
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What is Sex Trafficking? Ripping off Butterfly Wings.
It seems that when I have brought this up sometimes people assume I am lying. Or that I use to be a prostitute. Though the line between sex trafficking and prostitution are often grim/ blurred.
I was tortured into two different people... though I had already been in this type of training before, I went through it as a young child, starting at three years old? The most vivid memory I have of this “training” is of my Mom renting me Boxing Helena for my 7th birthday. In Boxing Helena a man who is a surgeon kidnaps and drugs a women who rejects him, he cuts off her arms and legs and keeps her as a sex slave, then at the end of the movie he wakes up and it’s a dream.
When I was 17 to 19, I had different handlers, mostly men. I’d be drugged and made to watch movies about killing women. Videos of women being pushed off of cliffs, splices of old horror movies.
The movies are prep for rape. I barely remember anything... GHB, rohypnol, trauma, starvation, dehydration... the damage done to my brain by this combo is unknown. I remember before and afterwards sometimes. The panic, being alone, the pain, no help to be found, cold and society hating me; telling me I was a junkie or lazy when i could barely function due to constantly being drugged.
I remember most clearly constantly being made of fun of by the men selling and raping me. Or men complaining about how old I was, a fresher 14 year old would much be preferred to a used up 18 year old me. Once I remember one telling other men I deserve to be raped because women hurt men in divorce courts. Thanx to FDS (female dating strategy on reddit) I realized that these claims are extremely overblown by abusive men. It also does not match my real life experience of an old friend being sent to live with her dad after her mom told the court he was molesting her as baby... He was and her life was seriously harmed by her mom being deemed crazy.
Everyone seemed to look the other way when my parents where selling me and when I was a homeless teenager being sex trafficked it makes you feel crazy and hopeless.
You crawl out of hell only to find nothing but loneliness and confusion. You try to fit in to a world that chants “slavery is a thing of the past”.... “we need to defund the police because sex trafficking gangs being racist is safer!” “Sex work is work and anyone who questions this is evil.” “Sex work is safe and fun!” “Liberals are deranged but let’s only focus on that.... not the general problem of the porn industry/ male violence.” “Red vs Blue.” “Sex trafficking is a conspiracy of the elite not the result of men of every country and social economic standing demanding to buy/ watch rape.”
It’s safer to hide, they hate you, they wont help you. You want to be artist? great go and surround yourself with the vicious and daft. You want to pray? Great people will see you with contempt and discomfort.
Just like my childhood the chant is still the same, sell yourself, have meaningless sex, you don’t belong here. Being a whore is a different world and i don’t belong to this one.
The world broke my heart and mind with its vapid viscousness. Feminism is not about helping women but telling them to fuck off and make money with porn. Meaningless friendship after friendship. Rape becomes a yearly threat instead of daily. Life moves on and you’re free but alone, broken and picking up pieces of yourself to survive in a world you hate.
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𝚂𝚎𝚡 𝚃𝚊𝚙𝚎 (𝙺𝚒𝚖 𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚓𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚐 & 𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚒 𝚂𝚊𝚗) 𝚁𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍
𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝙺𝚒𝚖 𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚓𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚐 (𝙰𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚣) × 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎) × 𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚒 𝚂𝚊𝚗 (𝙰𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚣)
𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝚂𝚖𝚞𝚝, 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏.
𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝚆𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚛𝚜, 𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚓𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚐'𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚙 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜.
𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 𝟻𝙺+
𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚅𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚖, 𝚜𝚎𝚡 𝚝𝚊𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 (𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝), 𝚎𝚡𝚑𝚒𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚖, 𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝚗𝚒𝚙𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚙𝚒𝚎𝚛𝚌𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜, 𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 (𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐), 𝚜𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚙*𝚜𝚜𝚢 𝚜𝚕𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚍𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚞𝚗𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚡 (𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗), 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚙𝚒𝚎, 𝚅𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚞𝚛! 𝙳𝚘𝚖! 𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚓𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚐 × 𝙳𝚘𝚖! 𝚂𝚊𝚗 × 𝚂𝚞𝚋! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛
𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝: @seacottons @multidreams-and-desires @yunhofingers @yunhoiseyecandy @little-precious-baby @galaxteez @deja-vux @brie02 @couchpotatoaniki @rvse-miingi @daniblogs164 @a-soft-hornytiny
✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏
The young female looked at the male in front of her in an appalled manner.
"Umm.....what?" She could not believe the words that just came out of his mouth.
Her boyfriend however didn't seem bothered by her reaction nor did the overly enthusiastic smile on his face brush off.
"How do you feel about helping me make a sex tape?" He repeated his previous request.
The girl raised an eyebrow at him, wondering if perhaps he was still drunk from the previous night in which he and some of the other members decided to act like dumb teens and got wasted in their dorm, resulting in him drunk calling his girlfriend and her coming over to help out the oldest and the tallest member control the other 6 men who were going berserk.
"When did you even get an idea like that?" She questioned him.
"Last night actually."
She threw her hands up and huffed.
"That's it. I'm not letting you anywhere near any alchohol for the next year." She swore to herself.
"Awww Y/N, baby, come on, don't be like that. Hear me out."
Taking one of her arms, he pressed her body against his, both of them still warm given it hadn't been long since they got out of the comfort of the bed. With one hand caressing her lower back and the other running itself through her hair, Hongjoong began to lazily press kiss across her jaw, knowing fully well it was a weakness to get her to give in.
"Think about how pretty you'll look. I'll edit it so you look even more beautiful. It'll be like one of those romantic adult films we watch together, and I know for a fact you like watching the explicit scenes."
Y/N let out a soft and shy giggle at being called out like that. She had often wondered, even out loud, how actors could actually go forth with such erotic scenes. She had to admit she admired their courage for doing them so effortlessly.
"Are you sure it's not something you wanna film to take with you whenever you're oversea? Watch a replay of you fucking me dumb?"
Now it was Hongjoong's turn to blush red. Y/N noticed how he swallowed hard, meaning there was something else.
"Hongjoong..... you were suggesting that you film us having sex...right?"
Hongjoong's eyes began to waver nervously.
"Well um...I was actually thinking more along the lines of....... someone else.....fucking you.." He stammered the last parts out.
"Are you serious?!" Y/N pushed him off her in a horrified manner, her hands fanning her face as she felt herself getting hot all of a sudden.
"Come on. You're acting like it's illegal or something. No one else besides us, and I guess the third person, will know about it." He tried to convince her.
"It's not illegal but it is insane. Who did you even think would agree to something like this?" She crossed her arms, waiting to hear what brilliant idea he came up with.
"I was hoping one of the guys would be a willing-"
"No way! That'd be even more embarrassing! It already gets awkward whenever one of them accidentally walks around with no shirt on around me, how could I possibly look at them in the face after we fuck?"
Not willing to listen to her crazy boyfriend, Y/N picked up her bag and reminded him to drink lots of water before sauntering out of his room, waving goodbye to Seonghwa who was in the kitchen and leaving before Hongjoong made things more embarrassing for her. Slumping down on the kitchen table, Hongjoong had a huge pout on his face.
"Lover's quarrels?" His same age friend asked as he began rinsing the dishes.
"Something like that." Hongjoong sighed.
"Whatever it is, I'm sure you two will figure it out. One of you ends up giving in sooner or later." He assured him.
Seonghwa was indeed right. Even if either one of you said no at first, you'd always, always, end up giving in just to try something new. That thought made Hongjoong lighten up and he began to think more about how to put his plan in motion. Firstly, he needed to pick one of the members who not only would be comfortable doing something like that, but would match the needed sex appeal.
"Jongho is out of the question. He's never even dated anyone." Hongjoong began thinking, evaluating in his head all his possible candidates.
"Mingi isn't a good choice either, he already has a lot to deal with so I'm not even going to bother with him."
Hongjoong then thought about Yeosang. He was good looking, but the problem was Yeosang was extremely reserved, not to mention he and Y/N weren't very close to each other. It would be bad chemistry. And his roommate and best friend Wooyoung was a strict no.
"I already know that little brat has a little crush on my girlfriend. If anything letting him fuck her would be like giving a little kid a candy shop all to themselves. I need someone who has absolutely no romantic inclinations so afterwards everything can go back to normal."
Turning his head, Hongjoong scanned Seonghwa up and down. He seemed like a possible choice. He was tall, very handsome, he and Y/N got along very well, in fact he was the one closest to her besides him. He knew for a fact Seonghwa was not innocent or pure in the slightest bit. And he'd be very professional about it. It seemed there was no question about Seonghwa being the best candidate.
"Wait! But they're close. What if this plan backfires and I accidentally ruin their friendship?"
Hongjoong groaned as he realized this was proving to be a lot harder than he thought. His mind then thought about Yunho. Yunho would be perfect in the more erotic sense given his size. He was tall, lean but well built and with defined muscles. And it'd be pretty interesting to watch and see if his girlfriend would be able to take a monster cock like that cause Yunho was definitely packing a lot.
Getting up, Hongjoong seemed decided as he walked down the hallway to have a little chat with his favorite donsaeng. Just before he could knock on the door to his room, it actually opened by itself, or more like, someone else came out right at that moment. It was none other than San, whose recently dyed blonde hair was messy. His skin had somewhat of a glow to it even if he was suffering from a major hangover. He was completely shirtless, his honey abs looking amazing as usual. The sweatpants he was wearing were hanging low on him, the V line near his pelvis poking out. And to top off the visual, his nipples were sticking out due to the piercings that he had recently gotten, a naughty secret that he had kept well hidden for a while til Wooyoung ratted him out. Hongjoong had never actually seen them, but now that he did, a light bulb went off in his head.
"Hyung.....my head is killing me." San groaned loudly, one arm weakly holding him steady against the doorframe.
That tiny sound that came out of the younger male's mouth sealed the deal for Hongjoong. San was absolutely perfect.
"Sannie....... when you're feeling better, Hyung wants to talk to you about something."
✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏
"You're looking especially lovely tonight my dear." Hongjoong looked at his girlfriend who was sitting patiently on her bed, wearing a cute off white two piece lingerie set.
"You always say things like that whenever I'm going to suck your dick." She pointed out, although it wasn't meant to be ill intended.
Hongjoong simply continued to have that suspicious smirk plastered on as he finished setting up the last camera, having placed several ones on different parts of the room to capture different angles of the scene that was about to take place in those 4 walls. On a small stand, he had already installed his laptop so he could monitor more closely all the shots being taken and to start or pause anything if needed. Glancing at the time, he knew it was only a matter of time before their guest arrived.
"You're taking awfully long for someone who was aching to get their dick wet." She snorted, wondering how on earth could Hongjoong be so calm and collected.
Hearing a knock on the door, Y/N raised an eyebrow as she was not expecting anyone, but it seemed Hongjoong wasn't fazed at all. He actually sprinted out of his seat in lighting speed to open the door.
"Yeah but it's not my dick that's getting wet." He sent her a wink.
Before she could even ask him what he meant, San was already being dragged inside the room. He too looked puzzled when he saw his older friend's girlfriend on the bed wearing something so daring.
"Wow! Ok! I take it I got here too early?" San asked as he covered up his face with his hands.
"No San, you're not early. You're right on time actually."
Slumping an arm around him, Hongjoong pulled him into the center of the room.
"He's the one getting his dick wet."
Once she realized what was happening, Y/N grabbed a pillow and chucked it at her scheming boyfriend.
"Kim Hongjoong! You liar! You told me that we were going to be filming a sex tape between ourselves!" She exclaimed.
"A what?!" A confused San shouted, now more embarrased than ever.
"I knew that if I told you both what I really wanted you here for neither of you would agree and would probably think I'm weird or something." Hongjoong tried to explain himself.
"Oh I don't think, I know you're weird, wanting one of your members and your girlfriend to fuck each other just so you could make a porn out of it."
San reddened furiously at her words, eyes looking everywhere but at Hongjoong or Y/N. By now he had already opted for just staying quiet as he listened to the couple banter back and forth amongst themselves.
"What made you think San, out of all people, would want to even touch me?"
That caught said man's attention.
"Wait, hold on. What's that supposed to mean?" He squinted at her, eyes narrowing into slits. Y/N could feel the immediate change in his demeanor.
"Well you know just that.....it's you we're talking about San. Do you know how many girls thirst over you? Why would you even bother looking at someone like me when you look like that?" She gestured at his body and face, trying to get her point across.
San felt somewhat offended by her statement. She made it out to be like he was superficial or that he only cared about looks. Moreover, he didn't like hearing her talk about herself in that way. Brushing past his Hyung, San came to stand in front Y/N, eyes peering down at her. Feeling the intensity of his stare bear down on her, especially given her state of near undress contrasting his full dressed self made her feel self conscious. When she tried to cross her arms to cover herself, San was having none of that as he suddenly gripped her wrists and held them in front of her face.
"And do you have any idea how many of us have checked you out even though we know that you belong to Hongjoong? Do you think some of us didn't feel bad when we found out he decided to take you for himself?"
His admittance not only shocked her but her boyfriend behind them, who had thought only one member had been disappointed when they announced that they were dating. Noticing her shocked expression, San leaned in and smiled at her innocently.
"Don't worry too much about me though, I was mostly disappointed at the fact that I might never get a chance to tap that cute ass of yours." He expressed with no hint of shame whatsoever. San drew his gaze down to fully look at her, admire her silhouette for the first time ever since he walked in the room.
"But now that I know Hyung wants someone to fuck his girlfriend...well.... it'd be my pleasure." He let out a low chuckle before pulling her against him, hands caressing the sides of her torso. Taking one of her hands, he brought it up to his face to place kisses on her palm. Turning to the man that was forgotten for a minute, San raised an eyebrow.
"Tell me right now if there's anything you definitely don't want me to do, otherwise I'm going to have my way with her as I like."
Hongjoong thought about it for a second, wondering if there was something he did not want.
"You're absolutely not allowed to leave hickeys on her. I don't mind you leaving red hand prints or even cumming inside her since that can be cleaned up or will fade in a coupe's hours."
Moving back to go sit on the chair next to the laptop, Hongjoong leaned back and stared at San with a warning glare.
"But I want absolutely nothing that will last for days. That's only for me to do."
San scoffed at how silly Hongjoong sounded, but nodded nonetheless. Meanwhile Y/N looked back and forth at their exchange with fascination. It was arousing hearing them talk about her as if she was nothing more than a mere sex object, and she was loving it.
"Oh and San? Remember I'm going to film this. Try to make it as interested as possible. I mean... if you can that is." Hongjoong smiled slyly, sending challenge to the younger member.
"Oh trust me. I'll fuck her like she's famous." San bragged.
Y/N watched as San began pulling his shirt over his head. Raking her eyes over his arms, abs and chest, they widened considerably when they saw the metal piercings on his nipples. One hand actually came to clasp around her open mouth, she was that surprised.
"Remember I told you not to baby him too much cause he's not actually a baby?" Hongjoong snickered at her reaction, actually finding it funny.
"Hey if it diverts attention from you, I don't care."
Pushing her back until they were right next to the bed, San cupped her face and leaned in, lips nearly kissing hers.
"Are you all right with this?" He wanted to get her consent before anything else.
Letting out a hum, Y/N wrapped her hands on the base of his neck.
"Fuck me like I'm famous." She repeated what he said before.
"Ok."
As soon as their bodies and mouths connected, Hongjoong's finger pressed record so as to not miss anything. Sitting back, he decided to enjoy the show, a satisfied smile on his face after seeing that everything had gone according to plan. Their lips molded perfectly against each other's, their makeout session rivaling those of some of the biggest and steamy ones they'd see on tv. Tracing the outline of his lips with her tongue, Y/N successfully managed to get San to allow her access into his mouth. Her tongue settled against his and vice versa, muffled humming adding to the intensity of their kiss. San couldn't keep his hands off her lower back, eventually placing them right on her ass. Hongjoong inwardly patted himself on the back as he had deduced before that San was more of an ass man and now he was getting confirmation of it as he watched his hands cup and harshly squeeze his girlfriend's cheeks.
Not wanting only him to have his fun, Y/N thought it would be a good idea to test just how sensitive his nipples were. Sliding a hand up his torso, it pressed itself onto one of his pecs. She grinned when San emitted a whimper in her mouth when she pinched on his nipple, making sure to twist some of the piercing around.
"Oh my-" San groaned when her mouth detached itself from his in order to give attention to his nipples. He was whining and whimpering each time her tongue flicked around his buds and letting out choked gasps when her teeth would softly tug at them.
"Enjoying your new toy?" Hongjoong piped up, reminding them both that they were being watched.
"Just as much as you're enjoying me wreck your girl." San spat back at him, hissing when he suddenly felt Y/N sucked onto one of his nipples.
"Please. I've barely seen any action yet."
Hearing his taunting words, San pushed Y/N onto her knees, bringing her face close to the tent in his pants. Tilting her chin up, he rubbed his thumb across her bottom lip.
"You have really pretty lips. All plump and pink.... I wonder how they'll look like if they're red, swollen and stuffed with my cock."
Making a quick work of his zipper, San pulled his jeans down along with his underwear, letting out his cock that was thick and well above average in length. Y/N licked her lips when she saw that the tip was glistening with precum that had dripped out when it was freed from its confinement. San was definitely bigger than Hongjoong, she wasn't going to deny that. She began to wonder if she could even fit that entire thing in her mouth, but she for sure wanted to try.
"I think the little cockslut is eager to suck you off San." Hongjoong sat up straighter in his seat, eyes focused on every detail in front of him.
"Is that right?"
Y/N exhaled softly when she felt San slap his cock against her cheek, running the tip on her cupid's bow.
"Go ahead. Just try and see if you can take me." He shot her a cocky grin.
Wanting to wipe that grin off his face, Y/N inserted the tip inside her mouth, keeping eye contact with San the entire time. She first tested the waters by slurping his head, indeed getting a reaction out of him since his thighs involuntarily shuddered. Feeling motivated, she slowly took more of him into her mouth, inch by inch he was slowly stuffing her full. Her cheeks hollowed out to help her fit him better, but still she gagged slightly when she felt him hit the back of her throat. Nevertheless she was proud of herself at being able to stuff his cock in her.
"Holy crap Y/N, are you trying to prove something?" Hongjoong stared in shock and arousal at seeing his significant other with another man's cock down her throat.
"Yeah, prove that she likes my cock better than yours." San gloated as he pulled her off his length only to stuff it back in and causing the female under him to let out a choked out gasp followed by a line of drool spilling onto the floor.
Grabbing her hair and pulling it up into a makeshift ponytail, San used it to keep her head up as he began a pattern of pulling out slowly only to force himself back inside her. He loved watching the messy scene in between his legs. Spit running down Y/N's chin, the corners of her eyes stained with tears, her muffled whines that were muted every time his shaft filled her mouth, the way his leader was sitting just a few feet away watching as his precious girlfriend was getting face fucked by someone else, San was enjoying it too much. His head was thrown back as he kept forcing his cock deep in her mouth, the loud slurping sounds of her swallowing around him complimenting the hisses and groans that were being exuded from his lips.
"Fuck! Oh my- are you ok with me cumming in your mouth?"
Judging by the way Y/N moaned around his organ and her hand cupped his balls to fondle them, San was taking that as a green light. Releasing her hair, he held onto the back of her head and pushed himself forcefully to and fro in her wet cavern, using it as leverage to help him reach his climax. Through shattered breath and clenched teeth, San's cum poured down her throat, hips stuttering and bucking further up to help him ride out his orgasm. When he pulled out, Y/N immediately gasped for air, her hair in complete disarray, lips darkened and wet with saliva.
"If that isn't one of the hottest images I've ever seen." Hongjoong added his input. He always did love seeing what a mess Y/N turned into after getting her pretty and delicate face fucked and abused.
Y/N smiled over at her boyfriend, looking at the tent in his pants before sending him a flirty wink accompanied by a swipe of tongue across her lips.
"You can suck him off after I'm done with you baby, but right now, I want you focused on me." San made her turn her attention back to him as he lifted her off the floor and set her on the edge of the bed. He showed no hesitation as he practically ripped her underwear off her body before tossing it behind him, making sure it landed on Hongjoong's lap.
"Jerk yourself off with that in the meantime cause you're not getting her back for a while."
Toying with the fabric in his hand, Hongjoong sneered at the younger male.
"Trust me, I have more self control than you'd think." He assured him.
"Let's see about that."
Getting down on his knees to be at eye level with her wet and shining folds, San dived in and began consuming her taste. His tongue moved languidly around her slit, savoring her taste on his tongue. Y/N's hands gripped and clutched the blanket underneath her, causing it to wrinkle up from how hard she was tugging at them. Her breath hitched whenever San gave all of his attention to her clit, sucking on the sensitive flesh until it began developing a slightly reddish tint. Her lips were also becoming engorged as San continued his assault on her mound, face practically buried inside her thighs. All throughout it, Hongjoong just took in every sharp intake of breath and every scrunched up expression Y/N made. It gave him joy to know she was definitely enjoying herself, her pleasure always been something he took into consideration.
"Good to see you know how to eat a girl out Sannie. I was afraid I was going to have to step in and show you why rapper are superior." He couldn't help himself but boast, after all, he had pride in being able to get a girl to cum multiple times with just his tongue.
Ignoring the older man's words, San gripped her thighs to hold her down. His tongue sped up as it slurped and slithered all over her heat, applying just enough pressure with his broad strokes across her labia folds. The girl on top of him tried to move his face away from her body as she felt the blood rushing down to her legs, face becoming heated as she knew she would burst any moment. She blamed Hongjoong for this, having spoiled and played around so much with her pussy that she was overly sensitive whenever she received oral sex. The fire pooling in her lower abdomen was about to explode.
"Ah! San- please!"
Muscles tightening and her upper body writhing, Y/N couldn't hold back as she began pumping out her orgasmic juices, her back falling back on the mattress while her mind blocked out anything that wasn't the immense feeling that was taking over her senses at the moment. San lapped up her juices generously, feeling smug about getting her to cum, although he knew it wouldn't be the only time she would be doing that. Sitting up, he allowed her to catch her breath and regain her senses before he continued with what he had in store.
Hongjoong looked with curiosity as San made Y/N sit back up and turned her over on all fours. Hongjoong couldn't stop the laugh that escaped his lips.
"You're gonna fuck her doggy style? Can't you be more creative?"
San didn't let his words deter him, he simply unclipped Y/N's bra and removed it from her body.
"I told you I was gonna fuck her like she's famous and that's exactly what I'm going to do."
His hands roamed across her body, caressing the curves and dips of her hips as he pressed his erection in between her ass cheeks. Y/N pushed her ass further back, impatient at the thought of having her hole filled up by him.
"See? Even she wants to be fucked like a little bitch in heat."
Y/N couldn't suppress the moan escaping her lips at being degraded like that.
"Wow, you're such a whore." Hongjoong mused when he heard her reaction.
"You offered this whore to your friend now suck it up and watch him pound my pussy." She giggled softly.
"Oh baby, I'm not just going to pound this pussy. I'm aiming to destroy it."
Lining himself against her hole, San slowly sunk his length deep into her walls. He felt as if he was being swallowed by her warmth that it took everything in him not to start fucking her right then. He made sure to give her time to adjust to his size.
"Hyung do you not fuck her enough? She's unbelievably tight and she feels too good." San grunted, dick twitching inside her as it ached for any sort of movement.
Hongjoong did not hide his displeased face.
"I fuck her quite often thank you very much."
San clicked his tongue in a cocky way.
"Whatever you say."
Y/N cried out in a high pitched tone when San suddenly pulled out only to plunge himself back into her. He set a merciless rhythm as his cock tore her walls open, stretching them as far as they could go, a stinging yet delicious burn heating her up. Strangled noises proceeded to spill forward from her throat mixing in perfectly with the sound of their skin smacking against each other. Shifting angles so his dick could hit against her g-spot every time it was shoved inside her, San's skin was already emitting that after sex glow, sweat beads forming on his temples. He looked completely focused, eyes trained on her ass cheeks that bounced with each of his thrusts. Unable to resist the urge, he brought one hand up so it could slap her skin.
"Oh s-shit!" She exclaimed, the force and unexpected smack on her bum nearly had her upper body collapsing on the bed.
"Can you smack her a little harder?" If Y/N wasn't so caught up with San fucking her so harshly, she would have noted the nearly sadistic tone in her boyfriend's voice.
"Just tell me if I can't take it baby." San caressed the patch of skin he had just slapped.
"Trust me, she can. She enjoys a little pain every now and then." Her boyfriend dished on that dirty little secret.
One slap was soon followed by several more. San made sure to alternate between each of her butt cheeks. Y/N's wailing began to get increasingly louder and frantic, her ass stinging every time San's hand smacked it, making a majority of it turn a deep red color. But he made sure that it wouldn't leave any bruising or anything of that sort remembering Hongjoong's previous rule.
"Damn you're so fucking loud."
The shocked gasp coming out her mouth was half muffled when San pushed her head against one of the pillows, effectively burying her loud mouth into the sheets.
"San didn't you said you'd fuck her like she's famous? Then why cover up her screaming?" Hongjoong pondered, one hand rubbing at the top of his thigh.
"Scream? You wanna really hear her scream?"
Yanking her back up from her hair, Y/N only managed to catch her breath for one second before she felt herself flipped onto her back. The intrusion of San's large cock was just as seering as the first one but it was welcomed nonetheless by her walls fluttering around his cock. One of her legs was thrown over his shoulder, his brutal pace heightening the build up in her stomach. Her fleshy mound was extremely swollen and had a pinkish red tint to it. Knowing how vulnerable she was, San licked his fingers before taking them out of his mouth only to have them come down on her clit.
"Oh-oh fuck!" Y/N threw her head back on the pillow, eyes shut tight with tears staining the corners of them as she felt slap after slap on her throbbing and pulsating pussy.
"You like that you little whore? Yes you do, you clench around me every time I do this." San smirked when he placed one final blow on her tender flesh that was responsive to any of his touches.
Y/N was starting to see white flashes of light in her vision, unable to hear or feel anything that wasn't the grazing inside her wetness. With whimpered crying, her arms and upper body writhed uncontrollably as San's hips continued jolting up into her, shaky breaths and pants keeping her from forming any coherent words as her juices poured out of her body. Feeling her heat cover him completely, San trailed not far behind her as his cock twitched and his seed painted her insides.
"Ah fuck!"
He jerked himself until he made sure to fill her to the brim, not satisfied until he had spurted out the last drop of cum he had in him to release. When he pulled out of her hole, he let out a groan of accomplishment as the white and milky like secretion seeped out of her hole, some of it glistening against her folds.
"You capturing that well Hyung?" San turned to Hongjoong.
"Oh trust me, it's all coming out beautifully." He answered as he looked at the computer screen, fingers working unbelievably quick to make sure to save the raw video in his files.
Getting up to go clean himself up on the bathroom, San picked up his clothes that were discarded on the floor. Before he could walk out the door, he was about to ask Y/N if she wanted to join him but she was already busying herself by kneeling in front of her boyfriend.
"Aren't you going to get cleaned up?"
Humming softly as she began undoing Hongjoong's belt, Y/N replied with a mischievous smile.
"Maybe later. Right now I gotta take care of my handsome man, after all, he's been sitting here with a hard ass boner." She chuckled as his dick sprang free.
"God, I love you so much baby."
#ateez#ateez hongjoong#ateez san#ateez scenarios#ateez imagines#ateez smut#ateez fluff#ateez fanfic#ateez fanfiction#ateez hongjoong fanfic#ateez hongjoong fluff#ateez hongjoong scenarios#ateez hongjoong smut#ateez hongjoong fanfiction#ateez hongjoong imagines#ateez san fanfic#ateez san scenarios#ateez san smut#ateez san imagines#ateez san fanfiction#kim hongjoong#choi san#kim hongjoong smut#choi san smut#kim hongjoong scenarios#choi san scenarios#kim hongjoong fanfic#choi san fanfiction
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Cherry Bowl (3/8)
(gif: @kiekiecarrera) (PART TWO) (PART FOUR) (SERIES MASTERLIST)
Summary: When Kie cancels their plans together, Y/N asks JJ on a date to the Cherry Bowl Drive-In. Unsure of how to navigate his first ever date, JJ seeks out advice. Unfortunately, the night doesn’t go as planned, and both parties are left shaken by miscommunication.
Word Count: 10.6k
Warnings: Smut, public sex/exhibitionism, sexual choking, angst, depictions of mental illness, post-traumatic stress disorder, and implied/referenced abuse.
A/N: Welcome back to Tokens! Slight trouble in paradise is brewing for these two lovers, so buckle up and read because it’s gonna be a rollercoster for a little while after what happens in this chapter. I hope you all like it, and if you did, feedback is very appreciated. Have fun!
"I'm just saying that oatmeal raisin is superior to chocolate chip, why is that such an egregious crime, Kie?"
The lunch room is filled to the brim with students going to town on questionably cooked frozen foods, soggy tater tots, and sugary drinks from the vending machines despite the Obama-era posters on the walls advocating for healthier school lunches that never seemed to make their way to Kildare County High. The extent of their healthy lunches extended to a serving of overcooked canned green beans served with the worst slice of doughy pizza known to human kind, so it was sort of contradictory.
Y/N sits across the table from Pope and JJ, the latter of which being the one who launched into a full-fledged debate with Kiara about which type of cookie was better.
The clear cling wrap sits, unfolded, on the table with one of her stickers neatly placed on the back of it. As consolation for his epic loss yesterday at the beach, she paid an extra .75 cents to get him it when she arrived first to their shared lunch period—one of only two class periods they have together, the other being gym. He was still in line when she peeled a surfboard sticker off of her sheet and placed it at the center of the wrapped up cookie as if to remind him of her triumph over him in the waves.
"Thanks, hot stuff," he said, voice somewhat quieter despite the fact that hardly anyone was in the cafeteria with them. Then his smile dropped into an deadpan expression as soon as he saw her choice of sticker and looked back up at her. "You're never gonna let me live that one down, are you?"
"Never in a million years. I'll be gloating about it until I'm elderly."
"That's my girl."
The sound of the constant chatter surrounding them from at least two hundred other people drowns out the memories of yesterday that threaten to haunt her when she watches him debate with Kie. The mere recollection of their night in the back of the van has her reaching to pull the collar of her cropped tee up to assure that the hickeys remain hidden on instinct, and he catches the action out of the corner of his eye. It has him fighting a smile.
Kie quips, "Maybe on another planet, but, here, I think we can all agree chocolate chip is better, right Y/N?"
Y/N's eyes widen around a forkful of mushy "green beans" at the sound of her name being said bringing her from the depths of her memories.
Usually, she's quick to jump in and give her two cents on whatever stupid back and forth they're all having, but her mind was elsewhere. Unbeknownst to Kie and Pope, she was mentally reliving every second of getting fucked in the van last night, so her attention to detail when it comes to the Chocolate Chip vs Oatmeal Raisin case isn't all too sharp.
"Uhhh," she stops for a second, looking at the half eaten chocolate chip cookie in Kie's hand, "If I say chocolate chip is better, can I get a piece of it?"
Kie's face lights up at her words, and she's already pulling off a generous chunk of the baked good to hand off to her. The sound of a certain someone whose lap Y/N's legs are outstretched onto from beneath the table scoffing distracts her from the first bite.
"I know you prefer oatmeal raisin, you traitor," JJ says.
Their brunette friend's brows scrunch.
"Why is she a traitor?"
They try to keep from making any faces or giving anything away, but Y/N has to stifle the sound of her choking on her mouthful of cookie at the question. You'd think one of them came out and asked if they were dating or something with how she reacts, and she feels JJ squeeze her ankle in a non-verbal way of telling her to hold it together. It was her idea in the first place, yet he's a lot smoother with keeping it under the radar.
Under it all, the aspect of keeping it a secret does unnerve him to a degree. He doesn't think he'd be brave enough to communicate it, especially not when their relationship remains undefined, but the darker side of his mind wonders...
He shrugs, saying, "Cause we were friends first. Duh. Other than John B, I've known her the longest."
None of them stop to acknowledge the identical aches in their hearts at the mentioning of his name. They skip right over it like it never happened. After the funeral a few days ago, they've filled their quota on mushy-gushy sad talk for the next week and a half.
The real reason is something far more complicated than him having a claim staked on her loyalty through having the longest friendship. It's something tied up in days of slowly getting pulled into one another's worlds like the tug of gravity itself, in how he has to refrain from slipping his arm around her waist in the hallway or kissing her goodbye after a sleepover at the Chateau. But until she gives him the go-ahead, he won't let it slip to anyone.
Pope speaks up from beside him, "You literally met her twenty minutes before we did."
"Still counts. Technically, I did meet her first, so her betraying Team Oatmeal Raisin is enough to be tried for treason in Pogue Court."
"Pogue Court isn't a thing."
He crosses his arms after he pops the rest of the cookie into his mouth.
"It is now. You can be tried for treason for breaking the rules. Rule number one is that all Pogues have to admit oatmeal raisin is superior."
He's about to ball up the cling wrap to throw away later when the surfboard sticker catches his attention again. It's the same color as his board, which he'd like to think is a result of her being an evil mastermind that went out to get this sticker sheet for the sole purpose of teasing him, but he's the one who got her the sheet as a gift for her birthday, so he knows it was pure coincidence.
Last second, he peels the sticker away from the cling wrap and looks down to place it over the top of her yellow converse that were once a vibrant, paler color when Big John got them for her, but have since turned into an ugly mustard/dirt-dusted color they heckle her over.
"What are the other rules?" Y/N asks.
One of the hands holding onto where her feet are casually planted in his lap, something that they've done long enough that their friends won't see it as anything odd, slides down to caress the stretch of skin beneath the frayed hem of her dark jeans. Something she didn't know about him before whatever it is they have together started was that he constantly needs to be touching her. She can't say she doesn't love it though.
Pope answers, "The oatmeal raisin rule is not official"—a pointed glance at JJ—"But I'd assume the rest of the rules of Pogue Court would be no lying and no macking."
"So, basically you two break almost every rule except the oatmeal raisin one, and I lie," JJ says and turns to look at her, "How does it feel to be better than everyone, Y/N?"
"Pretty good, not gonna lie."
He keeps caressing little circles and tracing up and down her skin beneath the flared out pant leg of her jeans while he swipes his phone off of the table top without attracting the attention of their friends, who continue on to a new topic. She isn't too focused on what it is. She only picks up that it has something to do with a class they're in that's more advanced that hers, so she promptly checks out of the conversation.
Ever since John B died, she hasn't been performing too well in school. She tries, truly tries, but her mind outright refuses to absorb any of the information. When she reads her assigned reading, she hovers over the same paragraphs over and over until she shuts the book in a huff and hides it in her backpack again. Losing someone you love has a surprising amount of side effects.
Her phone buzzing in her hand brings her away from the impending cloud of doom that often accompanies any thoughts of John B, and when she taps in her passcode, her brother's birthday, a message bubble appears with a banner displaying JJ's contact name.
JJ (Derogatory)
ur a good liar. prob could've fooled me if i weren't the one macking on u
Their eyes meet for a second across the table, then he watches her thumbs move to type a response.
Kief Princess
Little do they know I break every rule now that I've switched sides on the cookie debate. Kinda impressive ngl.
JJ (Derogatory)
triple threat, baby
JJ (Derogatory)
thanks for the cookie btw
She smiles to herself, so wrapped up in their own world that she doesn't notice everyone in the room starting to pack up their stuff in anticipation of the bell that is due to ring any second now.
Kief Princess
Had to repay you for last night somehow ;)
When she glances up to see his reaction, she watches his chest rise with a particularly large inhale, and he chews on the inside of his lip in thought.
JJ (Derogatory)
strategically bringing up last night so i'm turned on in physics? ur an evil mastermind
Kief Princess
I try.
Kief Princess
Apparently whooping your sorry ass at surfing isn't the only thing I'm good at.
She hears him scoff.
JJ (Derogatory)
first of all, ouch. second, u barely beat me
Kief Princess
I'm happy to challenge you to a rematch. I have plans with Kie tonight, so I can't till this weekend. All it'll prove is that I am the rightful winner, but we knew that already.
JJ (Derogatory)
what r the stakes this time
Kief Princess
No sexual favors. If you beat me (fat chance) I'll formally rejoin team oatmeal raisin.
JJ (Derogatory)
:( sex makes it more fun but i still accept those conditions
JJ (Derogatory)
team oatmeal raisin needs u, even if ur a traitor
Kief Princess
Why bet sexual favors if you're just gonna fuck me after anyway?
JJ (Derogatory)
good point
The sound of the bell ringing echoes through the cafeteria, and they both pop their heads up from their phone screens to see everyone, including Pope and Kie, already packed up and raising from their seats to scurry off in the direction of their next classes. Meanwhile, their stuff is all bestrewn across the table, particularly JJ's belongings.
The sight of Kie walking away makes Y/N ask after her, "We're still on for tonight, right?
She stops with Pope's hand interwoven in hers. The look on her face when she turns would make you think she got caught doing something she wasn't meant to. Something like forgetting about the plans they made last week to watch Fear Street together. The Cherry Bowl Drive-In is premiering the first two movies as a double feature for the horror movie buffs of Kildare, so they decided to get tickets. Kiara shares a fondness of horror movies with her. Since gory movies make the boys squirm, though JJ pretends they don't, it's their own thing.
"Actually, Pope and I were gonna go to the beach. I'm sorry."
JJ knows she's more upset about it than she lets on, but Y/N simply gives the pair a smile that doesn't reach the eyes.
The sound of JJ behind her makes them laugh on their way out, diffusing the minor tension lingering in the air from the awkward encounter, "Use protection!"
After their friends offer them a goodbye, they gather their stuff quite leisurely, not really caring about being late.
It's something they've talked about before here or there: her feelings surrounding Kiara and Pope's sudden relationship. It's not as if she harbors any ill feelings for them, she doesn't, but the ripple effects of their pairing on the group, and more importantly the girls' own friendship, couldn't be clearer from her perspective. Between the missed hangouts, forgotten plans, and the convenient way she never seems to have time to hang out with her and JJ unless Pope is there too, it's been building up for a month now.
What makes it sting the most is how close her and Kie used to be. They didn't hit it off immediately the way she and JJ did as children until her thirteenth birthday when no one she invited showed up to the party Big John helped her set up in the yard of the Chateau.
She was the one who rallied the boys together to walk to ask their school friends from the year above to come hang out for an hour or two, promising a slice of the wonky-looking but delicious strawberry cake her and John B spent the morning crafting together. She can remember the sound of their high-pitched laughs and the cloud of flour that hung in the kitchen when they high-fived over the finished product like it was yesterday. In her heart, it was yesterday.
That night was when she fell in love with her friends, and that was when she first knew Kiara was her best friend. They wove friendship bracelets on each other that night and wore them for years until they withered away. No one had ever done something like that for her before. Not even JJ.
"You okay?"
Feeling his hand on her arm, slipping down to take her hand for a moment in the seclusion of the empty cafeteria, makes her glance up at him with a distinct sorrow washed over her features.
You know what? Screw this. Why should she be torn up over Kie and let it ruin her excitement for the double feature tonight? There's no way in hell she's letting her best friend ditching her for her boyfriend get in the way of her plans.
"Do you wanna go on a date tonight?" she asks him abruptly, then adds, "To the Cherry Bowl with me instead of Kie?"
The question sparks a pause in his mind, a halt of hesitation in which he worries about her avoiding having to answer what he asked, but he attempts to play it cool and not fuss over her outwardly. There have been times where being treated like that has made her feel suffocated, so he doesn't want to risk it. When she's ready, she'll talk about it, and if she takes too long and buries her feelings, then he'll intervene. For now, he tries to keep his face neutral despite the frown tempting his lips at her disappointment.
JJ looks around once more before throwing his arm around her shoulder to walk her out.
"You bet your ass I do."
What is a person supposed to act like on their first date that's not actually a date cause everything between them is the same, but kinda is a date because they called it one? If you ever find out, please find JJ and tell him because he has no clue.
Pope wasn't too much help in the Instagram group chat he made for it seeing as his and Kie's relationship is too fresh, John B isn't even alive, so he's out of service for advice unless there's Ouija Board he can borrow, and, thankfully, Kiara was his savior.
Their phones began blowing up as soon as he reached his class after lunch period ended. He couldn't under any circumstances let it be known that this mystery girl he had a date with was their friend, but thankfully Y/N already had the alibi of going to the Drive-In alone. All he had to do was make up a fake date scenario and get basic advice.
danknugstickiestickies added kiara-c and popeheyward to the groupchat
danknugstickiestickies named the group HELP ME
danknugstickiestickies
i have a date with this chick i met on the beach when i was out with y/n last week. i need ur advice
His phone screen lit up with the notification that both of his friends were typing, signified with the three dot symbol bouncing in the bottom left corner as he thought it through. They couldn't possibly figure it out, right? They'd been careful, he'd been respectful of her wishes, and they'd been too busy together to notice anything new with them. He figured it would work. It was a risk, sure, but it was worth it to him. He didn't want to fuck this up with her.
Knowing her, she probably wouldn’t even treat it differently than any of their other hang outs. It's not like they haven't been romantic or sexual with each other. They've done everything but go out on an actual date, so why was he nervous?
kiara-c
ummmm
popeheyward
Yeah, I'm gonna need you to ELABORATE!!
kiara-c
did hell freeze over? since when does jj maybank go out on dates??
danknugstickiestickies renamed the group hell froze over
kiara-c
very funny, I'm laughing so hard 😐
popeheyward
Do we know her?
danknugstickiestickies
don't think u do. she moved here last week and hasn't enrolled in school yet. her name's steph
popeheyward
What about Y/N though?
kiara-c
^^
JJ's chest muscles tightened with the question prompting a rush of anxiety that made his breathing feel slightly harder. He glanced up at his Physics teacher, who was essentially dozing off behind his desk with his hand in a bag of chips and an educational video on the projector as an excuse to not teach, and looked back down at his phone without the added stress of possibly getting his phone confiscated.
Pope's message might as well have been a sucker punch. Forget butterflies, he set a wasp’s nest loose inside of his stomach to tie it into knots and flip it every which way. His neglected textbook served as a prop for his phone to lean on as he set it down to think.
Did they know? As far as he was aware, they were getting away with it. No evidence, concrete or circumstantial, was there to prove it. At least the stress of the situation killed any chance of him being turned on by her reminder of last night in their messages. This shit was boner repellant of the highest degree.
He played stupid. Better to let them volunteer whatever information they had before he went in saying anything incriminating that they didn't already know. If anything would sour the experience of their first date, it would be him accidentally making their strange in-between relationship public behind her back.
danknugstickiestickies
?? what do u mean
Three dots bounced in the bottom left corner of his slightly cracked phone screen.
popeheyward
...
kiara-c
I mean, you don't see it?
danknugstickiestickies
see what
popeheyward
I guess we were wrong, but all of us always thought you two had some feelings going on.
"You don't say?" JJ murmured sarcastically to himself under his breath. "Never crossed my mind, Pope."
danknugstickiestickies
bro that's jb's little sister
kiara-c
so?
danknugstickiestickies
forbidden fruit? making john b roll over in his grave? do those ring a bell or am i speaking in tongues
He was already a proficient liar in real life, but, fuck, it was easy in text messages. There's no chance at deciphering facial expression or tone, just a plain message with no room to budge. Thank God he didn't do this in person with them. He could've survived, but it wouldn't have been as quick and painless as the group chat was.
kiara-c
jeez, sorry
Pope didn't voice it, but he noticed something.
He looked up from his phone and stared off at the wall in thought in his AP European History class. It piqued his interest that JJ simply said she was off limits, forbidden fruit as he put it, but did not outright deny having feelings for her. In fact, he didn't even address the question. He made excuses for why he shouldn't have feelings for her, but he never said he didn't have feelings for her.
Kie did not notice. Not because she wasn't smart enough to either, but because she was too busy hiding her phone behind her backpack to think too deeply about it. Her teacher was one of those teachers that would flip shit if they saw a cell phone turned off and faced down on the desk, let alone being used by a student during a lesson.
In his classroom across the hallway, JJ bounced his leg up and down beneath his desk in an absentminded urge to release the built up energy the anxiety produced in an over abundance.
popeheyward
Our bad then. Even John B thought y'all were sus lmao.
Since when was that a known fact? Could he tell? Did he talk to Pope about him and Y/N before he died? Either way, it wasn't the time to pry about it.
kiara-c
yeah you guys honestly could've fooled me if you wanted to
danknugstickiestickies
well thank u, glad ur invested in our friendship but
danknugstickiestickies
please help, i have no fucking clue how to act on a date and this girl is too cool for me to screw this up
That was when they finally dropped the interrogation session and started offering up tips. The best ones came from Kie, which made sense to him since women are more likely to know what other women like than two dudes who share one collective brain cell and never had real relationships.
Rule One: Be ready to pick her up five minutes early.
He wasn't ready to pick her up five minutes early. His bike broke down by the time he made it halfway down his street, so he had to push it back up the road and into the yard before setting off on foot to reach the Chateau quickly enough. And by quickly enough, it means he got there five minutes late, not early.
Rule Two: Compliment her after you get in the car.
She tossed him the keys to the Twinkie from across the hood, not giving him the chance to open the door for her, and it wasn't until they were setting off down the road that he remembered the next piece of advice he was given.
Side-eyeing her in his peripheral vision, he tried to find something to compliment her on specifically rather than the general compliments about her being pretty that she never fully believes when he says them. He was intending to say something about the skirt she had on, but when he chanced a glance over at her, she caught him and asked—
"What is it?"
Sent into panic mode, JJ blurted out instead, "I like your shoes."
He could've bashed his face against the steering wheel twenty times right then and there at the utter absence of reaction on her part for the next few uncomfortable seconds. It wasn't that it was a bad compliment. She appreciates any compliments at all...but her shoes were hidden from his view. Not to mention, they were the dirty, mustard yellow converse that the Pogues bash on a daily basis.
She laughed, lifting her leg to expose the sneaker on her right foot, and asked, "These? Dude, you roast me for these all the time. You and John B said they look like Big Bird shit on them."
The skin on the apples of his cheeks scorched hot with embarrassment, and he was never so glad that the overhead lights in the van were burnt out until that moment. He would've died on the spot if she saw him blush like that, face flushed pinker than sunburn. All he could do to save himself was murmur something about the color growing on him and keep driving in the direction of the theater with his hands white-knuckling the steering wheel he fantasized about banging his face into.
Rule Three: Insist on picking up the check.
In this case, it meant insist on buying the popcorn and drinks, and he miraculously managed to drop his wallet somewhere along the way when he ran over to the Chateau, so when he stepped up to the makeshift concession stand with her standing at his side, he felt around for his wallet in his jeans to no avail.
His thoughts echoed back to him, You gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously? Is this actually happening right now?
"JJ, it's honestly fine," she said softly as he leaned over to search back of the Twinkie for the wallet. "We can look for it on your street right now if you want. It has your ID and stuff, you don't want a stranger to have that. We don't need to stay—"
It took all of his control to not shout it in reaction when he said, "No way. You've been waiting for this, and Kie ditched you, so I ain't ditching you too. We're staying."
His wallet could go kick rocks.
He came too far to be dragged down by the old leathery piece of shit anyway. Would he go out and search for it tirelessly the second the date ended? Hell yeah, that fucker had twenty dollars and his debit card in it, but he couldn't bear the thought of abandoning her or ruining her anticipated movie night by taking her out to search the streets with their phone flashlights for a wallet they might not find. He'd wait till the movies ended, take her home, then haul ass around the Cut searching for it after.
Thankfully, he found a couple bucks crumbled up in his front pocket while she scavenged for coins in the glove compartment, and they came up with enough to buy a water bottle and small popcorn to share together.
Rule Four: Don't have sex on the first date.
And it may sound easy enough to not act like a complete Neanderthal for the length of two movies, but the girl makes it pretty damn difficult if he's to say so himself.
That's what led him here, laying in the back of the sideways-parked Twinkie in the farthest corner of the outdoor theater with her practically on top of him. In any other instance, he wouldn't be opposed in the slightest, but with the cursed fourth rule in mind, he isn't too thrilled with the feeling of her hand rubbing up and down his thigh.
It isn't even meant to be sexual. They're constantly touching one another this way. She'll even slip her hands up under his shirt just to feel the warmth of his skin or when he asks her if she can get an itch on a part of his back he can't reach, but for some reason his brain is short circuiting right now.
The thing is, when Kie and Pope said he shouldn't do it on the first date, they meant it for his and Steph's made up circumstances, not his and Y/N's full-blown relationship without labels. When you've had sex with someone as many times as they have with each other, the hesitancy on the "first date" is nonexistent. It doesn't matter. But JJ, trying to follow the advice given to him to the letter for the sake of being the date she deserves, doesn't think about it that way.
It shouldn't be this nerve-wracking. They've been best friends since they were children, they've been flirting since they found out what basic attraction was in the first place, and they've been forming this relationship ever since John B died. Why can't he relax? Why is this so different compared to how easy it felt between them yesterday on the beach or today at lunch?
Rule Five: Be yourself.
It takes him another few moments of laying here with her before he realizes quite abruptly what went wrong in a quick flash of a thought that brings the fifth rule back to him. The problem wasn't the bike, or the weird compliment about her Big Bird sneakers, or the lost wallet.
The problem is him. The problem is that he's trying way too hard to make this something it isn't. The part about them that he adores so dearly is how they never have to try when they're together. With any other girl or guy, they'd have to fake something or act a certain way, yet when they're together, they can simply exist and everything is runs smoothly. That's not to say they don't disagree or bump heads, they do, but short of those outlier moments, it's easier than anything else they do in life.
His eyes flicker away from the screen for the first time since the movie began, which, by the way, is gruesome enough at times that he had to divert his eyes to prevent himself from seeing it happen. They land on where she lays, completely content with the night in spite of its mishaps, with her head propped up on the pillows they brought from the Chateau.
He wonders if she can tell he's acting differently. Surely she must notice. She's the type of person that typically never misses a thing, perfect for the gold hunt they went on in the summer with picking up the clues and helping her brother unravel the mystery, so maybe she noticed how flustered this date has him. Does it bother her? Does he bother her?
With a confirming glance back up at the movie to see nothing important happening, he can't fight the urge to speak anymore.
"Can I tell you something?"
His voice appearing through the darkness of the shut off van after spending the past half hour in complete silence makes her jolt at first before realizing who it was. Though she loves horror movies, she can't claim to not be affected by them. The night she falls asleep after watching one, she often finds herself compelled to turn a light on and keep her feet from dangling off the edge of the bed. It's worth the fear, though.
When she turns to look at JJ, there's a warm smile on her face. She's cuddled into his side with a hand placed casually atop his thigh, caressing with no purpose or intent, and her movement halts when the light from the movie on the projector allows her to see the expression on his face.
Anxiety has become an increasingly significant presence in his life with the recent events in mind; John B and Sarah, the four-hundred million dollars they lost out on, and dodging his father whenever he sneaks home to switch out the backpack of clothes and personal belongings he keeps at the Routledge house.
It manifests itself in jittery nerves, stomach pains, shortness of breath, and, at worst, panic attacks striking either at random or in response to a specific trigger. It's one of the few things he still tries to hide from her, and she tries not to push him too hard with opening up about it.
She abandons the movie for the time being and rolls onto her side to face him, upper body propped up on her elbow as she examines his face with downturned features.
"Of course," she says.
The words left unsaid are, "You can tell me anything. Whenever you need someone to listen, or to talk to about shit, you can tell me." He's heard her say it enough that he doesn't need to hear it now to know it's true.
There's a pause, then—
"I feel like I fucked this entire date up," he starts to ramble and cuts her off before she can think about saying what she wants to, "and I know it's okay to you. You have way too high of a tolerance for my bullshit, and I've been trying so hard to make this perfect, but all that did was screw it up."
She's left quiet for a second, taking it all in.
Maybe if he hadn't been so anxious about it, he would've realized what was wrong with his bike when he rode it home from school, or he would've noticed his wallet fall out of his pocket. The point is, he wishes he hadn't let the label attached to this freak him out so much. He isn't sure why it does, but it does.
But she doesn't do what he expects. She isn't drowning him in reassurances and, "It's okay's" because she knows he doesn't care for them much. When he, the most stubborn person she knows, apologizes for something he did, he doesn't want it to turn into the person accepting the apology coddling him.
Y/N sighs.
"Is that why you've been acting so different all night? I scared you with the whole ‘date’ thing, didn't I? It doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be."
What she doesn't know is that he wants it to be a date. He wants it to be a date so badly, he risked Pope and Kie finding them out for the sake of getting some proper advice on it, and now he's caught up in the same game of tug and war in his mind that always occurs when he wants to tell her the truth about his feelings for her.
Part of him doesn't understand why he doesn't outright say it. With every other girl he once showed interest in, he had no issues in letting them know he wanted them, but this is different. This isn't simply wanting someone, he thinks he's fallen for her. But whenever he says he's gonna grow a pair and tell her after all this time, he chokes. Involuntarily, he's reminded of his parents. Other than his friends saying it platonically, the only people to tell him they loved him were them, and with how they treated him, he sure as hell doesn't think that is love.
From his dad's brutal physical abuse to his mom's abandonment, he's too timid to tell her he loves her because of what could happen if she loves him back. Everyone else that has said that to him has either hurt him, died like John B did, or abandoned him.
He won't let that happen with him and Y/N. What they have, albeit undefined and codependent, is safe. It's the only thing he has left. Maybe it isn't right, and maybe he should open up about it to communicate the correct way, but somewhere in the misshapen logic of his mind, he correlates love to abandonment. And he doesn't want that to happen with her.
There are two sides of him at battle inside his mind. One side, the side that wants to do right by their relationship and actually communicate his feelings for once in his life, wants him to tell her everything. The other side, the side that responds based on the history of his past, wants him to hide it all.
"Will you be mad at me if we don't call it a date?" he asks.
She shakes her head.
The heavy sensation inside of JJ's chest nears a point of vitriolic violence against him as he starts to realize what he's doing to her, clearly letting her down, but he can't stop himself. Like a passive witness watching himself from outside of his body, the instantaneous trauma response to the sudden confrontation of his true feelings for her guides his actions without his permission. It shuts down any protest he has.
The sound of the movie fills the gap of silence between them the entire time. It’s a variety of bloodcurdling screams and disgusting sounds that would've made him gag if he weren't as distracted.
They can make out each other's faces through the darkness, but barely. It takes a flash of bright color from the film or a nearby car's lights turning on for them to fully see one another. Without the other knowing, they both put masks of calm and collected coolness on their faces despite the feelings raging beneath the surface—more so on his part than hers.
"Maybe," he says, pausing, "we should just keep things the way they've been."
As soon as the words leave his mouth, a soul-crushing amount of disappointment weighs her down. She said it was fine if he doesn't want it to be a date—and it is, she would never hold it against him—but that doesn't mean it can't hurt her. Things have been going so well, she almost thought...If tonight went well, she was thinking about no longer keeping it a secret, but if he said he wants things to stay the same, then maybe he isn't as ready for it as she is?
Meanwhile, JJ is on another page entirely.
She's embarrassed of being with you, a familiar voice in the back of his head croons. She's gonna leave just like everyone else does. If she doesn't even wanna tell your friends, why should you pretend you're dating?
The internal comments are the type that cause him to physically grimace when he's alone. Intrusive thoughts are just that: intrusive.
Sneaking into the guarded sanctuary of a person's mind, they set out to convince them the opposite of their reality. The only thing is, where most people's minds are guarded sanctuaries with walls of impregnable defense, his mind is the equivalent of a fortress blown to smithereens. The castle walls lay in rubble, the guards no where to be seen, and the path for these thoughts to slip past and straight to the vulnerability of his mind is left wide open.
In the privacy of his room, these thoughts attack him the most at night when he tries to fall asleep—when things get too quiet. With nobody around, when they get this bad there's nothing he can do except break down. It builds from the mere anxiety of attempting to force the thoughts away to full-blown panic attack mode. The more he resists them, the more aggressive they become. He'll gasp for air with tears streaming down his face, hitting his head with the heel of his hand as if that'd do something to stop his relentless mind.
But he can't afford to react in front of her, so the extent of his reaction is a subtle twitch of his face that she cannot see in the momentary darkness before the movie switches to another scene a second later. In a way, it does make the thoughts go away to have her here preventing him from spiraling alone. Having to focus on her keeps his mind away for moments at a time until the thoughts ease their grip on him.
When she hasn't answered for a while, he asks, terrified that he did something bad, "Are we good?"
The question seems to wake her up, snapping her out of the lonely direction her thoughts went into when he "rejected" her. It takes every bit of common sense she has left to force herself to understand that this doesn't mean he doesn't want her. He does, and not calling this a date doesn't mean they won't be together in the way they have been since John B's death, but she isn't perfect. She gets as unsure and insecure as he does.
As if the cloud of doom was lifted off of her, she makes her face lighten where she lays on her side next to him. Seeing this expression makes his chest feel less heavy, and he could let out a sigh of relief at the realization that he didn't break her heart and stomp on it. He should've known. Y/N is the sweetest person he knows, so she never would've flipped shit over him not wanting to label this as a date. That's not how she is.
And he's partly right. It isn't how she is. She would never hold it against him if he didn't want something further with her since she got herself into this position by pursuing him with his reputation with girls in mind, but she can't ignore it. Whether she wants it to or not, it had its affect on her as soon as he said it.
She leans in to kiss him, their lips meeting in the middle with the faint taste of popcorn salt mingling at the soft peck.
When she pulls away, she brushes the hair back from his face and says, "Don't worry. Nothing can change how I feel about you."
She has no clue what it feels like to hear that from her.
Despite the turmoil they unknowingly share beneath the surface due to this conversation, he could cry hearing her say it. It doesn't feel real to him that she feels the same way he does about her, because nothing could change how he feels about her either. That’s why he manages to work up the courage to repeat it back to her, and, for now, this is the closest he's physically capable of coming to telling her the truth.
"Ditto," he says.
It isn't what she wanted, but it's close enough, and if she dwells on this any longer, she might start getting too emotional and let the urge to tear up become too strong. Why does she have to be this sensitive? It's no secret that it's remarkably easy to make her cry, but this is insane to her. When all of this began with him, she didn't give a shit about him not wanting a label. She understood him, and she understood that he doesn't do this kind of thing, so why has it changed? Why doesn't she want to keep it a secret anymore? Why does she want this to be a date when she knows he doesn't want it to be?
Pulled by an invisible string back to him to silence her mind, she leans in to kiss him again with a hand cupping the back of his neck to guide him the rest of the way to her.
It shouldn't be laced with any sexual intention. She should be kissing him simply because she wants to, and, in a way, she is. Their kisses and touches are never lacking the motivation that is their underlying connection and mutual feelings for one another, but this is not the same. As he kisses her back with as much confidence and passion as always, she is reeling from the conversation that reminded her too much of a breakup.
It takes another minute of this for the kiss to heat up, their breathing becoming shallower in the moments they part to inhale, and she is undeniably the one instigating when she officially crosses the line between casual and sexual by crawling onto his lap. It's not hard for him to pick up on when their innocent moments take a turn. She's easy to read in that regard, and this has happened a multitude of times with them, so the shift of a mini make out session turning into something more is nothing out of the ordinary for them.
If he knew how shaken she is on the inside, he'd never want this. And the same would go for her if she knew what he was thinking before this. Neither of them wants to admit what they're feeling.
With her legs seated on either side of his hips, she kisses him like it's the last time she'll ever get the opportunity to. Her hands wander wherever they can, pulling at his shirt and feeling him up as his hands guide her hips to move against his in a steady grinding that she has no issue partaking in. It's an eagerness he hasn't seen from her in weeks. She's never un-excited when it comes to being physical with him either, but this is another level. The last time a girl was all over him like this, it was desperate touron at a party a few months ago.
In the span of time it takes her to glance over her shoulder to see if anyone could see them and reach to pull her skirt up until it bunches around her hips—no one can see them, by the way, since they got here late and were forced to cram the van into the back corner of the lot with no street lights illuminating the path—his brows raise at her presumptuous behavior. Not that he's one to complain, however, seeing as he's typically the one doing what she is.
Their next kiss clashes their teeth hard enough to make them wince, but he loves it. It makes him smirk into her parted mouth, alive with both the feeling her reassurance provided and the fuzzy-headed high that often finds him when they're together in this way. Incomparable to past flings or the high related to any drugs, she is the peak of everything to him. It's no contest.
His chest stutters against hers with a bout of amused laughter, asking within a brief pause in what feels like the most JJ thing he's said this awkward night, "Two for two in the Twinkie. What's gotten into you?"
Y/N's hand dips between where their bodies move together to unclasp the closed buckle of his belt in one smooth motion that has it falling apart with a clinking noise.
Her features are set with a look that tells him she means business. Whatever it is that sparked this, he wonders how the fuck to make it happen again another time. She's begged for it before, but never taken control so dominantly, and he can't deny what the role reversal does to him. The evidence is obvious in the distinct hardness she feels pressing up against the hand undoing his jeans.
"I was hoping it'd be you," she says, voice breathless and airy from the constant contact in a way that makes it ten times hotter for him.
If there were any chance of him not being in the mood prior to this, which wasn't the case anyway, it's gone now. He never wants to hear her say she doesn't deliberately try to tease him ever again.
He doesn't need to be told twice.
JJ surges forward to capture her mouth with his, this time with no intention of pulling away to breathe or speak again. No, he'll let himself get lightheaded and dizzy if it means he can stay with her for as long as possible.
With the circumstances of it all, them being visible to someone if they happened to pass by the open door of the van, they move at a pace quicker than usual. She's immediately helping him shimmy his jeans and underwear far enough down his hips to free his dick from the confines of his clothes, making him sigh out a breath of relief when her hand brushes against him in the process.
There's no opportunity to slow down, it has exploded into a full-throttle speed race that neither of them can halt.
His hand blindly flies out beside him to grope the floor of the van for the set of keys he tossed carelessly to the side once the movie started, eyes shut in the midst of the hot, messy kiss they share. His fingers find the fabric of one of the blankets they brought in case they got cold, then drifts again and lands on her Big Bird sneakers until he feels the sharp metal of her keys meet his calloused palm.
After the events of last summer, she bought a switch blade to keep on her key ring alongside the keys to the van, HMS Pogue, and Chateau. She may not like violence or weapons, seeing as she was a skeptic of JJ keeping the gun alongside her friends, but she saw it necessary. Between Rafe, Topper, and Kelce, how could she leave the safety of her and her friends up to chance knowing what some of the kooks did to them not long ago? What happened to Pope on the golf course alone was enough to make her skin crawl.
Right now, though, the knife flips out from the pressure of his thumb pushing the button to release it. He holds it out away from her at first to assure it doesn't nick her in the process, then uses his other hand to tug the side of her panties that hugs her hip far out enough to press the sharp side of the blade onto the inside of it.
She can hardly believe what she's watching as JJ cuts the delicate maroon underthings from her body as if he were doing something so normal, like it's something he's done before. Her forehead is pressed against his, her mouth parted both in shock and in a need to pant for oxygen, and she watches the knife ruin her favorite panties. The stitches come apart with a satisfying ripping noise that can hardly be heard over the sound of people reacting to the movie in the background.
Other customers of the Cherry Bowl Drive-In are too glued to the screen as a beloved character is chased down, reacting in shouts when she's seized by the killer and shoved onto the table of an industrial bread slicer, so they remain wholly unnoticed.
The lace, now ripped in half, dangles on the tip of the knife when he lifts it away from her, tosses it aside, and presses the button once more to retract the blade. It clatters to the floor, but is in no way forgotten with them resuming in a desperation to keep going until they both satisfy the need clawing at them from the inside. But her sense of need is different from his, and even with the fresh memory of him with the switch blade in mind, she's still somewhere else the whole time.
Her mind is faraway, muted through layers of sadness, anger, and disappointment as he reaches between them to line himself up to her entrance. The sensation of him running his cock, hard and messy with a few drops of precome, through her dripping pussy to coat it in her slick arousal is enough to make her moan pathetically. Yet when he's about to guide himself inside of her, she stops him.
"Wait, wait, wait," she breathes out rapidly, heart pounding so hard she can feel herself pulsating between her thighs, "Condom."
They were so antsy to get to it, they almost forgot.
"Fuck," he curses under his breath, and his eyes flicker from where they were trained between their bodies to glance back and forth around the van before it hits him. "I lost my wallet..."
But right when he thinks their public rendezvous in the back of the Drive-In is over due to his unfortunate mistake, she shakes her head and slips away from her perch astride his lap to crawl over to her bag.
She fumbles with the old tote bag and plunges her arm in to sift through the hodge podge of things that are purely Y/N in nature—stickers, glitter pens, a half-eaten bag of candy, etc—for the square foil package she decided to toss in before she left just in case. She usually doesn't keep them on her because he never fails to have one, but, thankfully, she had the random instinct to bring it tonight.
The only thing to bring her out of her cloudy, malevolent storm of feelings when she settles back onto his lap with the condom wrapper ripped open for him is him saying, "So you planned this, huh?" with his mouth tipped in a familiar self-satisfied grin.
She didn't plan it. In fact, she threw herself at him the second she sensed him withdrawing from her and can't stop herself despite the fact that she constantly feels two seconds away from letting a tear slip down her cheek. If that counts as "planning it", then sure.
"Maybe so," she answers, cool, calm, and collected—the antithesis of the truth.
They usually don't lie to each other.
They're thrown right back into it without any other hiccups once he rolls the condom on, and he takes in a shaky breath at her hand wrapping around him to align their bodies up. Before she can do anything, though, he takes chance to swipe the blanket he found a moment ago and wrap it around her back to keep her covered in case they get caught.
Y/N sinks down onto his cock with her lip caught between her teeth to stifle the sound that threatens to escape. JJ, on the other hand, doesn't bother concealing the sound of the groan he makes at the sensation of having her wrapped around him like this. The tension in her entire body from the anticipation and the looming threat of being seen by someone has her squeezing him so tightly, he can't help but be a little louder than he should.
Her soft palm slaps over his mouth with enough pressure to force his groan to quiet itself, and she watches his pretty blue eyes widen in reaction to the dominant action. Who is this girl and what has she done with his sweet, submissive Y/N? Don't get him wrong, he is very turned on by it, but it's unlike her to take the lead this way. He can't figure it out.
"What's wrong, angel?" she asks in a whisper into his ear, her hand over his mouth and her hips starting to slowly rock against him, "Watch the movie."
Once the words leave her mouth, she drops her hand, just in case he wants to stop and can't say anything because she had his mouth covered, and JJ is pretty sure he's died and gone to heaven.
He doesn't watch the movie, not at all, because he's too busy watching her. For someone losing their mind internally, she does not let it show, nor does she let it distract her from what's happening. If anything, the distraction in this situation is the sex, not what's going on inside of her head.
There's a moment of adjustment and going as slowly and gently as possible while waiting for the dull pressure of feeling him inside of her to fade away, but, for the most part, she doesn't waste any time. As soon as she feels comfortable enough with the ache between her thighs giving way to a spark of pleasure when she grinds her clit down on his pubic bone, she starts to ride him at a better pace than the initial slow movements of her hips.
She raises herself up and takes him again inch by inch, enjoying the sense of fullness she gets from having to fit him in spite of the slight discomfort at first, and she could swear that he'll leave bruises in the shape of his handprints with how tightly he clutches her hips. It's all he can do to prevent himself from moaning or saying something, ever the vocal lover she's come to know.
Unless his mouth is preoccupied like it was on the beach yesterday afternoon, JJ is usually impossible to shut up, especially in this context. With him always whispering dirty things to her, whether it be praises, pet names, or plans on what he wants to do to her, she has come to find it breathtakingly hot. He could likely get away with saying something if he wanted to, but he isn't sure he wants to risk it. If he opens his mouth to spew something filthy to her, he won't trust himself not to make a louder, different kind of noise that won't fit in the with background audio the other moviegoers are listening to.
The wet sound of their bodies colliding that fills the space of the van is drowned out by the loud and violent sequence occurring on the screen far ahead of them, and hearing it makes her bounce herself on him a little harder. She's fueled on by it all, and, strangely, what happened before she practically pounced on him is the main contributor.
Similarly to the nature of his intrusive thoughts, the harder she resists the memory of how it felt when he told her he didn't want this to be a date, the more forceful it is in its return. Her eyes trail down to watch where they connect with her forehead pressed to his, then she's thrown back into the feeling of helpless disappointment and insecurity. His head tips back against the window with his bottom lip dropped open and his brows furrowed just enough to create a crease on his forehead, and she's bombarded with the look of relief on his face when he realized he didn't have to be tied down to her with a label.
It makes her want to get rougher, harder, and she doesn't even care if it'll make her sore later on. She presses herself down so far every time she slides down on his cock, her teeth draw blood on her lip with how hard she must bite it to remain quiet. The pain of her hipbones rubbing against his doesn't even matter to either of them at this point. They're both too lost in the pleasure that has begun to take control of them to care about something as minuscule as that, or the burn in her thighs from the repetitive physical strain.
She grabs his wrist and brings his hand between them, flattening hers overtop of it and pressing down on the base of her abdomen in the midst of the increasingly feverish thrusts.
"Feel you here," she murmurs to him through a quiet moan, hoping he can hear it over the movie, and pushes down on his hand for emphasis. And if the way he reacts by cursing under his breath tells her anything, it's that he picked up on it. "JJ..."
He reaches out to grab her by the throat with his free hand and tug her forward to kiss him, as if something inside of him snapped in response to her doing that. The motions of her jolting up and down throws the already messy and uncoordinated kiss off-kilter, but they don't mind. It has them separating every time she lifts up, producing this heady little head rush from from them breathing in each other's air without actually letting their mouths meet in the middle.
Though they're trying their hardest not to alert anyone outside of what's happening, it didn't occur to him until now, when his eyes catch John B's old bandana swinging back and forth where it's secured around the rear view mirror.
They're worried about moaning while the entire fucking Twinkie is rocking with their movements. Well, at least it makes good use of the corny sticker he gifted John B last year as a gag gift. He tried to peel it off after JJ snuck it onto the side window to no avail. So, now Y/N is stuck with a sticker on her car reading, "If the van's a-rockin', come on in, we like orgies," rather than the more common phrase.
It almost makes him start laughing, and he prays no one takes that shit seriously, 'cause he is never intent on sharing this breathtaking girl. Ever.
Y/N isn't anywhere near laughing like he is, in fact, she's finding it difficult to keep herself together. She feels her eyes sting with the promise of tears, and she's never felt so pathetic before. Is she seriously about to cry during sex? Is she really that girl that is so ill-equipped to handle rejection, she can't get through it without tears?
She won't cry. Perhaps if he sees how glossy her eyes have become in a rare moment of good lighting, she can blame it on the hand around her throat putting pressure on the sides of her neck.
The worst part about her being near to crying is the timing of it.
The emotion of what she feels mentally mixes with the swirling, building sensation she feels in the pit of her stomach that tells her she's close to going over the edge, and it's so overwhelming. Was she imagining that their friendship had changed? More importantly, is this all she'll ever be to him? Sex is the only thing she's sure of with him, it's the only thing that doesn't require deeper emotions, and when the ground beneath their fragile relationship felt shaky...
He can feel her starting to unravel, and he knows that he'll come before she does if he doesn't do anything now, so he decides to take control.
JJ pulls the hand he had resting on her abdomen away as though he were burned by it, wrapping his arm around her waist to steady her body against his and using the hand around her neck for leverage to thrust up into her, effectively reducing her to a teary-eyed, moaning mess atop him. They both stopped caring about making noise the second he began to fuck her like this.
She cries out in ecstasy at the sudden change in pace and depth that has him hitting all the right places. Every time he thrusts up into her, just as rough as she wished for, the tip of his cock nudges into that perfect spot inside of her that makes her incapable of silencing her moans. This time, it's JJ that puts his hand over her mouth, letting the one he had around her neck move away to keep her from alerting everyone around them of what's happening.
There's nothing she can do to stop her climax as it barrels through her in its initial sweeping wave of bliss to contrast the venomous doubts in her mind. She's never felt such conflicting, yet powerful feelings before—the intensity of the physical pleasure that makes her whine into the palm of his hand, then the part of her mind replaying every word he said in their conversation before this.
Her body is rigid and tense through it all, squeezing down around his cock with the involuntary spasms of her orgasm, and he can't help himself anymore. All it takes are a few more frantic thrusts for him to bury himself inside of her one last time and spill into the condom, uncovering her mouth so he can drown out his own groans into a kiss.
Their skin sticks to their clothes on the inside with sweat from the exertion of their actions, and he can feel her stomach tremble where it presses up against his with each undulation of her hips that meet his as he rides it out.
But even with the added distraction of the sex, she can't rid herself of the feeling that started plaguing her as soon as things went awry. That was why he was acting weird all night. He must have been so worried about her thinking this was anything more than their typical hangouts that he couldn't bring himself to act normally.
She forces herself to look happy when they pull away from the kiss, panting, and JJ, unaware of what she's been thinking, doesn't notice the small deception.
Tag list: @gabiatthedisco
#jj maybank#jj maybank smut#jj maybank x reader#outer banks#obx#fanfiction#obx s2#uh oh trouble in paradise#anyway that smut#kinda wanna get railed by JJ in the back of the van#don’t we all?
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Heyooo :) can you do headcannons for a platonic yandere allies ?? Am aroace so that's the kind that floats my boat, also do you ever feel tired of writing ?? Like .. ur so productive, it's awsome but like .. I hope ur doing it cuz u have energy not cuz you have followers waiting 😬 take care Plz ❤❤🥺
For the anon that asked that yandere reader ask, thx u inspired this ask ur idea is rad :3
(A/N:) ahh thank you for the worry anon, but it’s no problem really!💞 I wouldn’t be making as much content if I wasn’t having any fun, since it’ll probably end up feeling more like chore...and I hate doing chores 😭
That one protective friend that makes sure to check up on you every second (but it’s turned up to the extreme and downright becomes unhealthy in some cases)™
It was ironic to him. Out everyone that he had gotten to know over all these years— hell, perhaps even Arthur; you were the only one he felt like understood him the most. Not many seemed to notice what was going on beneath the surface of his facade, which was why he appreciated you being there. You still liked him despite the many flaws that he had, and tried your best being with him even if it became downright tiring. Alfred would be heavily dependent on you because of this, often going to you to cheer him up— or before he was going to make a rash choice.
So it was only natural that he couldn’t see himself being without you.
You were like a best friend to him; Alfred would even go as far as to say that he felt a familial connection between the two of you. So the deep desire to protect you was normal, wasn’t it? Even when he felt himself worrying for your well-being at even the slightest approach of a stranger, it was just his instinct telling him that there was something wrong. It wasn’t anything unhealthy. Thus, would usually drag you away from anyone that he found to be suspicious; even those he was already familiar with. This would probably result in a lot of arguments, with him trying to say what was ‘best for you’ and with you denying that you needed this much...protection. You swore that it almost felt like he was just isolating you from the others, to have you purely depend on him for whatever reason you couldn’t make up.
Alfred can’t handle being apart from you— nonetheless the idea of you being angry with him, or even hating him . It truly didn’t matter if the reason was rather ridiculous or not, the idea of you hating him just...made his stomach churn uncomfortably. You were his best buddy, and basically one of the only ones he could trust with his inner worries; and the risk of it all being taken away from him because of a silly, childish mistake was all it took to send the poor boy into a state of panic. Please don’t leave him, he’d do anything to keep you there with him. Begging, gifting— you name it.
Arthur didn’t completely seem to realize his feelings at first, confusing it with romantic attraction for a little while— before quickly seeming to realize that it was all purely platonic. He did feel a bit protective of you, maybe even possessive...but it had nothing to do with romance, nor lust. It was just him wanting to have someone beside him, someone that he could call a friend. And someone that would never leave his side.
It won’t be hard to notice how...bad his communication skills were; with him often saying things that he didn’t really mean and slightly setting you off. Arthur is stubborn, so it may take some time (and slight teasing at how much he hesitated) for him to actually apologize. You’ll probably get used to it after a while, since he’s one big tsundere.
Saying this out loud was an absolute no-no for this man— but you being around Arthur was often enough to make him the slightest bit happier. It felt a bit lonely at times, especially with less and less people being around him these past few years. So having you as a friend almost felt like a breath of fresh air.
He’s very critical of those you choose to be around with, often analyzing even the smallest of things so he can determine if they’re actually worth being around you. Which more often than not ends up... not being the case. Arthur will tell you to stay away from them; saying that they were suspicious, and probably had something bad in mind. He’ll resort to isolating you if you were to disobey him, trying to take as much of your attention— and perhaps even kidnapping you if the extreme were to happen. You were his one and only best friend, and he had to make sure you were safe. Always.
Totally the big brother type...well, he usually proclaims himself as being one, so it isn’t that much of a surprise.
Francis will make sure to absolutely pamper you with his attention; hanging out with you, sending letters whenever he was too busy...and simply sending gifts from France. He simply couldn’t let you go off feeling unloved!
He adores talking about you; usually going off on a mindless ramble whenever someone even mentions your name, like a proud father showing off his child. Others will usually compare him to one due to how much he adores talking about you— or simply the way that he treats you. Which would quickly be disregarded with a: “oh, I’m no father! They’re just such a nice little friend to have around, who wouldn’t want to praise such a delicate person?”
On a second note....he actually did feel like a father figure to you. Huh.
Francis will often suggest helping you out with your love life, perhaps even gushing over cute guys together that you found on a random dating app— before quickly realizing that he didn’t really want this. Those silly moments were fun and all, but having you talk with someone that could just be out to use you made him a bit angry...and paranoid, mainly the latter. He will make sure that anyone that even so much dares to get close you first gets his approval first. The feeling of a broken heart was all too familiar to him, and he didn’t want you to experience such a thing.
This may result in him checking up on you...an awful lot, making sure that those around you were only the best of the best and wouldn’t end up being bad influence to you. Yes, he truly was like a father.
A sibling-like person in his life that he didn’t feel insecure against and acknowledged him as his own person? Fuck yes!!
Jokes aside— Matthew really does care deeply for you. Perhaps it was due to the Canadian barely having those that he could...truly call close friends, so having you around almost felt like a blessing. Unlike Francis, he won’t really show you off or talk about you much, especially around his brother. The American had already stolen enough from him, so why would he let something like that happen again?
He’s extremely wary of anyone that even so much tries to make a move on you. It’s just...you were someone that he held extremely dear; and having you potentially getting hurt due to some lowlife that managed to slip into your life would absolutely break his heart. Matthew didn’t want to fail in protecting you, he would never forgive himself if something like that were to happen.
Losing you is something that he wishes to avoid completely. He’ll even go as far as kidnapping you if it came down to it, Matthew just couldn’t see himself living happily without you by his side.
Yao likes cute things...and you’re a cute friend, so it’s a perfect match!
But seriously, he thinks that you’re absolutely adorable. Whether it be because of your personality— or your appearance, it really doesn’t end up mattering in the end. You’re his cute little friend, and that’s all that matters!
He’ll often treat you with more, yet gentler care than most of the others around him. He knew that you were well capable of taking care of yourself; but he just couldn’t help but see you as something fragile, something that he had to protect. So you can already imagine how frustrated he gets when someone treats you with even the slightest bit of disrespect— Yao will often confront them immediately, while you awkwardly have to sit back and watch it all. Almost feeling pity for the person that had to endure your friend’s seemingly never-ending complaints.
Oh, he probably doesn’t quite realize how he comes off as a father at times; seeing how much he’ll scold you for the smallest mistakes (while making sure to correct you of course!) and how he usually made decisions for you, making it hard to refuse his gestures due to his pushy nature. But it’ll probably become a normal thing for the two of you as time progresses, since it’s just...how Yao was, you assumed.
His controlling behavior will also reflect on how he treats your personal life. Yao is very selective of who he lets you be around with, so he’ll often look at your acquaintances and friends with a very critical eye, immediately expressing his distaste in them if they were even to do the smallest thing wrong. “Such a brute isn’t worth being around, (y/n).” Yao will warn you to stay away from them, but won’t bring it up any further if you decide to do what he says. If you don’t then...well, he had special friends to help him out with his dirtier work.
Yao might consider kidnapping you if this behavior keeps on repeating, but won’t feel compelled to actually do it unless something bad were to happen.
Ivan will always try his best to be there for you! While it most likely won’t quite work with him being a rather busy person; a country, nonetheless, but he’ll do his upmost best. It was extremely hard for Ivan to make friends that...weren’t scared of him or secretly disliked him, so having you was such a relief!
Being his only friend, he’ll make sure to be absolutely devoted to you— perhaps in a way that wasn’t too healthy in a friendship, and would often be looked down upon by those looking at your relationship from an outsider’s perspective. But could one truly blame him? Ever since he was born it felt like everyone around him were either toying with him, or were utterly terrified of the boy expect for his two sisters. It was lonely...so it isn’t hard to imagine how overjoyed he was once having you in his life; someone that didn’t display the usual fright whenever he approached them, nor did you look like you were out to hurt him.
Ivan appreciated you a lot.
It wasn’t hard to imagine that you’d most likely become the target of a few other countries, your connection with Ivan wasn’t extremely hidden from the outside world... (from how much he’d senselessly mutter things about you when daydreaming, and the many times he stuck by your side) and so, others would take it to their advantage. Those like Alfred will probably try convince you to leave Ivan’s side, spewing terrifying stories of the man to try and stir up something inside of you so you could leave him. It was mainly for your own safety, yes. But it was also to make the Russian weaker. It was obvious that he was depending on you heavily, and losing you would...god forbid if that would ever happen. Ivan would completely lose himself, perhaps even snapping completely.
So don’t hesitate to tell Ivan if someone was bothering you! Ivan will make sure to get rid of the little parasite from your life in an instant, giving them a short warning whenever the two come across each other...and making sure that he got his point across! It’s better to ignore their sudden disappearance after that day, since someone like them wasn’t worth lingering in your mind.
#help me why do I always write america this dramatically#dilf France? 😲#CANADAS PART IS SO SHORT IM SORRYYYY#yandere#Yandere hetalia#hetalia x reader#Yandere allies#Yandere aph america#Yandere aph france#Yandere aph england#Yandere aph canada#Yandere aph China#yandere aph Russia#platonic yandere#platonic Yandere hetalia
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So I listened to the Something About the Beatles (SATB) latest podcast today, titled “Dear Friend” with the topic of conversation John and Paul’s relationship in the 1970s. So I was thinking that this would be great because I feel like the primary things talked about when the John/Paul 1970s dynamic is discussed is Lennon Remembers, How Do You Sleep and the PlayBoy interview, maybe they’ll throw in the Lost Weekend for balance if they’re feeling so inclined... I’m obviously exaggerating here but... Firstly, before I start my rant, SATB is a good podcast, they usually have great guests (Erin Torkelson Weber the MVP of course), cover interesting topics and Robert Rodriguez is a good host who’s good at challenging things in the story that don’t ring true.
However, I feel like throughout the Beatles active years and into the post break-up years there’s a narrative that has been established that so many people are wedded to, to the point that it’s part of the orthodoxy of the band. In my opinion the narrative is that from first meeting up until the moment that John died Paul was always doing everything to be John’s BFF, he was always trying to be closest to John, no matter what John said or did, Paul would always be the one to try and mend fences and throughout the 70s he was doing whatever he could to end up back working with John. I don’t think this narrative is completely wrong but I think it’s uneven mainly because, in all this, Paul’s importance to John is completely glossed over and John’s manoeuvring to ensure that he was the most important person in Paul’s life is completely missed. So, I just want to highlight some of the instances off the top of my head where I feel that John showed how much he needed to be prioritised in Paul’s life and how much he wanted to mend fences post break-up, that I feel don’t get talked about often enough:
1) John’s competition with Jim McCartney: There’s a lot of stock put into the John-Paul-Stu triangle but that obscures a weird triangle that, maybe Paul wasn’t even aware of, but I think definitely existed which is John-Paul-Jim. By all accounts Jim didn’t want John around and was against John and Paul’s friendship. Jim had a lot of influence over Paul and had a lot of sway as his sole parent once Mary died and I think John was resentful of that. We all know about the ultimatum John gave Paul when he took the job (that Jim implored him to get) which jeopardised his commitment to the band. In John’s eyes and own words, Paul choosing to quit his job to commit fully to the band was Paul choosing John over his dad. No one (in books I’ve only seen Joshua Wolf Shenk discuss this) discusses how Jim was effectively John’s Stu, someone that obstructed his closeness and ability to influence Paul to the point that over a decade later, post break up, John saw Paul focusing on the band as a victory over his dad. John had a jealously of Paul’s closeness and prioritisation of his family that would rear its head further down the road but, by and large, I rarely see this discussed.
2) John’s jealousy of Paul’s other close friendships: On this front, we hear ad nauseam, about Paul’s jealousy of Stu, which is fine because, even without Paul acknowledging it, it’s obvious from space that Paul was jealous of Stu’s closeness to John but we never hear about John’s jealousy of Paul’s other close friendships. All the Beatles were close to Mal Evans but I think Paul was especially close to him (he was the first Beatle to befriend Mal, Mal lived with him at Cavendish for some time, Mal helped Paul write some songs etc.) which got to John. In John’s own words when discussing Magical Mystery Tour he was “choked” when he found out that Paul had come up with the idea with Mal and Mal’s widow has said that Yoko told her that John had told her (whew Chinese whispers time) that he was jealous of Mal’s friendship with Paul... Then there’s Tara Browne, it’s interesting that despite Tara apparently being really friendly and outgoing John never took to him. Maybe it was because Tara was upper class. Maybe it was because after pestering him for months, Paul chose to do LSD with Tara instead of with John and the rest of the band. Maybe it was because Paul invited Tara up to Liverpool, right after Christmas, to hang out with his family resulting in the infamous moped crash. If I put my tin foil hat on, in “A Day in the Life” when John’s reaction to the death of a man in a car crash is “to laugh” is that meaningful? The song is thought to reference Tara but does that passage give us a glimpse into how John saw Tara? If he’s laughing about Tara dying then it sounds like he really didn’t like him, possibly due to his close friendship with Paul.
3) John’s resentment of Paul’s romantic partners: So this one is interesting... There are quite a few examples to walk through so here goes. We have the incident in Hamburg where Paul is in bed with a woman and John (in the aftermath of Stu’s death and probably high on prellies) comes charging in attacking the girl, cutting up her clothes and basically scares her out of the room, maybe that was just the prellies but there seems to be too much of a pattern to ignore. Then there’s Jane of course, we don’t know a ton about John’s interactions with Jane over the years but it’s interesting that he makes a terrible first impression with her (asking her to describe how girls masturbate) and it seems that their relationship is cordial at best going forward (note how Jane and Paul never go on holiday alone with John and Cynthia in the same way George and Ringo did with their respective partners). Peggy Lipton also tells the story about how when she came to hang out with Paul in 1965, John was really rude to her out of nowhere and asked “what she was doing there” and she seemed to think that John couldn’t understand why Paul wanted to take her to dinner if all he was going to do was fuck her. Then, there’s Linda... John consistently gives interviews in the early 70s when he talks about how in a few years Paul will wake up and leave Linda, according to Ray Connolly John couldn’t believe that Paul was staying faithful to Linda and then there’s other weird occurrences in that late 60s/early 70s period. There’s the fan who claims seeing John about to hit a pregnant Linda before Paul stepped in, there’s John rushing to get married as soon as Paul does (8 days later I think which is WILD to me), there’s John describing Paul’s wedding as a “funeral” in ‘71... What does all this tell us? That John was too busy replacing Paul with Yoko to care about Paul anymore? In my book, it’s John’s fears being realised that Paul would always prioritise his family over him when push came to shove, in John’s mind he had won when he was competing with Jim for Paul but once Linda came into the picture and gave Paul the family he always wanted, I think in John’s mind, it was game over. Maybe if Paul had divorced Linda in the 70s (like John predicted) they would have worked together more, we’ll never know, but in a similar way to Yoko, Linda was a wedge in John’s relationship to Paul.
4) John’s attempts post break-up to reach out to Paul: We hear a lot about Paul reaching out to John in the 70s and not engaging with the feuding anymore, it’s Paul that decides not to respond in kind to HDYS, it’s Paul that invites John to the Venus and Mars sessions, it’s Paul going to the Dakota to see/try to see John, it’s always Paul seemingly who misses John and wants to reestablish their relationship. However, according to May Pang, John was happy to do Bangladesh if Paul was doing it too. According to Ray Connolly, John gave him a letter to give to Paul, in the hopes that Paul would call him. According to Paul and other people involved in the One to One concert, John asked Paul to appear with him during his performance in ‘72. And in the face of the backlash from HDYS, John’s the one going around calling Paul his best friend ,other than Yoko, and sending him Beatles bootlegs for Christmas.
All this is to say that John and Paul did not have this one sided relationship where only Paul cared and wanted them to repair things or where only Paul was looking to manoeuvre a situation so he was closest to John, John also wanted to be the closest person in Paul’s life, he was jealously protective of their partnership (see his angry reaction to Paul not coming to him and only him to help with Eleanor Rigby) he also seemed to fear losing Paul to his family which may have happened in his mind, who knows. Because John’s most famous post Beatles interviews have him bashing Paul and Paul’s had 40 years to talk about how much he loved John, there’s this view that Paul loved John more than John loved Paul or that John loved Paul until Yoko came in the picture, at which point Paul was no longer relevant. If Paul meant nothing to John anymore, why did he even bother writing HDYS, if he was so tuned out he wouldn’t have been bothered by Ram, none of the critics were so why was John all over that album more than a Paul is Dead truther?! Why did Yoko block Paul’s calls to John, they were happy to hang out with Ringo, what was so threatening about Paul? Why, according to Robert Rosen, were John’s diaries full of his obsessions about Paul?? We’ll never know a lot of the answers to these questions but I would love it if more podcasts even acknowledged that these questions exist and acknowledged that Paul was such a huge part of John’s life till his dying day: “we have our ups and downs but I would do anything for Paul and I think he would do anything for me” John Lennon December 8 1980.
Apologies for the rant it seems listening to Beatles podcasts always seems to set me off! But SATB is a good podcast, just feel that there are so many interesting conversations that get missed in favour of the usual narrative time and time again, so close but no cigar!
Thanks to @onesweetdreampodcast and @anotherkindofmindpod for being the only podcast I’ve heard to date brave enough to discuss these questions, I think doing that will give us a much better understanding of the Beatles and how their story unfolded.
By the way most of what I referenced above can be found in @amoralto incredible blog, have fun!
#the beatles#john lennon#paul mccartney#john and paul#something about the beatles#dear friend#jealous guy#complex relationships#thoughts#my rants
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Javier Peña SFW Alphabet
Because the world needs more soft!Javi.
Warnings: 16+. allusions to sex, depression mention, cigarettes mention, alcohol mention, food mention.
Masterlist
Reblogs appreciated!
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
So, Javi hates PDA. It makes him cringe. Javier can be pretty affectionate but only when you two are alone and spending private one-on-one time with each other. However, if he sees another pair of eyes on you, he can get protective pretty quick. He’ll guide you around with his hand placed on the small of your back, and he’s not afraid to slap your ass if it means he gets to assert his dominance.
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
I mean, just look at Javier & Steve. Javi is an amazing best friend. He’s hilarious, and always jokes around, although most of the time, his humour can be quite dark and self deprecating. None the less, he’s super funny and never fails to make you laugh. He’s perfect to have around when you need to be cheered up. He’s also super supportive and will constantly look out for you. If you’ve fucked up and made a mistake, Javi will take the blame and have your back. You don’t even have to ask him. He really steps up for you.
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
At first? No. Javi struggles to show his feelings, and he’s not the biggest hopeless romantic, as you might’ve guessed. He’s never really given out cuddles (or hugs for that matter), but if you’ve been together for a couple of months and you’re going steady, he doesn’t have an issue with getting into it. He learns to really like cuddles. Especially after sex.
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
He has no interest in getting married. Never has, never will. He doesn’t see the point in a piece of paper from city hall to confirm that you two love each other. As long as he can feel it, in his heart, that’ll be good enough for him. But if you absolutely want to get married, he’ll allow it. It won’t be a big ceremony though. Maybe just a few guests and a store bought cake. He doesn’t like the fuss. He doesn’t cook, ever. He had a pretty bad diet that consists of snacking on chips at the bar or ordering take-out. He has a cleaner too.
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
Honestly? Javier can be pretty brutal. If you’ve hooked up just a few times and he’s lost interest, he’ll probably just not call you back. If you’ve been together a while, he’s gonna be really torn up about breaking up with you. He’ll be sulking and moody for a few days and you’ll know that somethings up. Then he’ll go distance and ghost you, hiding out in a few motel bars leaving you worried about where he is. When you find him, there’s a big fight and he snaps and tells you he wants to end it all. When he misses you, he’ll pick up a girl from the brothel who looks similar enough to you, and he’ll think of you while he fucks her. He feels gross about it, but it’s just what he does.
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
Oh Lord, Javier has the biggest commitment issues. He’s terrified, as we seen with Lorraine. It’s gonna take a lot for him to settle down. He tries to reassure you that it’s not your fault and it’s a problem he needs to work out himself. It might take Javi a few years of steadily dating before his commitment issues become resolved, but as long as you’re willing to wait for him, he’ll be happy.
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
He’s definitely rough at first — in every way you can imagine. But you teach him how to be more gentle and considerate, both with yourself and the people around him. He can be pretty blunt which can cause a lot of hurt sometimes. When he sees that you’re upset though, he will show a surprising softer side. He’ll wrap his arm around you and smooth out your hair, and he’ll lull you to sleep by whispering sweet nothings into your ear.
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
The first time you hug Javi, he stiffens up completely. He has no idea how to react. The last time he received a hug must’ve been from his mom when he was still just a young boy. He often gives you hugs though, especially when you’re seeking comfort. Javier has big strong arms and he holds you so right. He runs at your flesh in soothing motions and he nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck. You can always smell the honeyed scent of his cologne, and cigarettes, when he hugs you. But you wouldn’t trade the feeling for the world.
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
You’re probably going to say it first... and that’s okay! Javier does love you, he knows that for sure. It’s just... it can be hard for him to actually admit it and come to terms with it (with his commitment issues and all). You assure him it’s okay and he can take his time. But he ends up not taking long at all. Once you tell him you love him, his whole world feels complete and it’s suddenly pretty easy for him to tell you that he loves you back.
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
To be honest, Javi is pretty confident in a relationship. No woman has ever left him before. So, he doesn’t get too jealous. Besides, other men know better than to get too close to you because Javier isn’t afraid to throw a punch or two. He is, by nature, extremely protective, though.
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
So passionate. A clash of tongues and teeth. He often moans into your mouth and the vibrations from that alone are enough to send shivers down your spine. When he kisses you, he struggles to keep his hands to himself. With Javier, kisses often lead to making out which often leads to sex. He loves to kiss you anywhere. Along your jaw, down your neck and the valley of your breasts. He’s a biter too (this is canon). He loves to nibble at your skin and give you little lovebites.
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
Surprisingly decent. Kids aren’t his favourite thing in the world, and he does his best to avoid them, but on an occasion where he finds himself with a child, he can handle them pretty well. Olivia Murphy loves her uncle Javi.
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
Weekdays are the worst because Javi has to head to work pretty early. Weekends though? You and Javier will sleep in until around midday, just lounging in each other’s arms and basking in the morning sunlight as it seeps through your curtains. It’s soft and sweet and almost always results in morning sex. You and Javi find yourself indulging in tired conversations and soft touches as you both fall in and out of sleep.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
Javier will be drinking beer or whiskey and the two of you will mostly likely be on his sofa, watching a movie together. Fancy dinners aren’t his style but he likes to treat you to them now and again on date night. And trust me when I say you two will be going at each other until the early hours of the morning.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
He’s an enigma to everyone he meets, and this doesn’t exclude you. It can be exhausting at first— how much he keeps to himself. He doesn’t talk about his childhood, or what he did at work today. He talks about very little. But once you express to him that you wish he’d be more open and vulnerable with you, he tries. He really does try. In the end, he’s a lot more confident and can talk to you about practically anything.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
He has 0 patience, as we see on stakeouts. He gets angry and frustrated super fast. He’s not too loud and he’s rarely a shouter, but when he’s pissed, you’re sure to know about it.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
It’s going to take him about three years for him to remember your birthday. But he remembers the exact shirt you were wearing the night you and him met. He forgets your mom’s name, but he remembers the brand name of the perfume that’s displayed on your dresser. Point is, he remembers very menial and silly things about you. Sometimes, he’ll bring up a random fact about you that he’s remembered and it’ll truly surprise you. Even though he struggled to remember the important things, you find is so endearing how he remembers the smaller and finer things.
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
The first time you and Javi slept together, something just hit him like a ton of bricks. He’s slept with plenty of women, that much is clear, but with you, it was different. Right from the start, something felt different, and he couldn’t quite place his finger on what it was. Truth be told, it terrified him... this unknown feeling. But it excited him too, and only spurred him on more. It takes him a while to realise, but that feeling was love. That was the night he fell in love with you. And so for that reason, yours and Javi’s first time is his favourite memory.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
Very protective. There’s no reason to elaborate. Due to the nature of his job and the shit he sees on a day to day basis, he makes you his number one priority. If anything ever happened to you, he couldn’t ever forgive himself. So he’s constantly at your neck and call. Anything you need, he will provide.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
Javier is pretty low maintenance. Like I said, he will occasionally take you out for a meal at a fancy restaurant, but this is usually for anniversary dates. He’s taken a liking to going to the movies with you, and he also loves to go dancing with you in nightclubs. Javi’s job is well paid and he has a surprisingly good eye for jewellery. He always picks you out the most beautiful diamonds. You worry about him spending too much on you, though.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
Smoking. You don’t like the smell of it. And when he has one too many beers. He tries to cut down though, for you.
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
Yeah, he looks after himself. He keeps himself well groomed. He even has a little toothbrush he uses to comb his moustache.
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
He really, really would. Say you and Javi have had a big fight and you are both spending some time away from each other... he’ll be really struggling. You’re always there to ground him and make him feel safe. He never realised how much needs you until you’re not with him anymore. He’d probably cry himself to sleep, but he’d never tell anyone.
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
He has a vision. It’s a pretty distant vision, well into the future. But once he retires from the DEA, he’d love to take you back to Texas and show you his fathers farm. Maybe even have a farm with you someday. A suburban house with a white picket fence and dog. It’s the last thing you’d expect from Javi, but in a sense, he craves the normality of it all.
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
Uh, he doesn’t like drugs? DEA agent and all. He doesn’t like the rain because it ruins his hair and he hates the way his colourful shirts stick to his skin. You tell him it’s sexy, though. He doesn’t like big events where he has to see and interact with a bunch of people.
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)
He snores so loud. For the love of God, he needs to see a sleep therapist or some shit. Thankfully, you grow used to it, but you don’t know how he doesn’t wake himself up!
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#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#javi peña#javi pena#javi peña x reader#javier pena#javier peña x reader#javier peña#narcos#jose pedro balmaceda pascal
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