Paige Duplass is such a badass. "If my sternly worded emails couldn't keep my coworker from being ritually lowered into the maw of capitalism, maybe my new god of sacrifice and grief (which I created with the help of my estranged father and a wet cat of a man on the run from 2 separate governments) will."

Cozy Fantasy

Travis Baldree introduced me to a subgenre I never knew I needed: cozy fantasy. Low-stakes stories set in mild locations that end more or less happily.

Legends & Lattes is Travis's book. I first heard about it on twitter and between the premise and the cover art I preordered it, read it when it was out, and fell in love. It's about an orc barbarian lady named Viv who retires from adventuring to open a coffee shop and the misadventures (and love) that ensue as she tries to find her way in a new and unknown market. Helping her out are Tandri, a succubus who excels as manager (and stealing Viv's heart); Thimble, a ratkin culinary genius; and Cal, a faux-grouchy hob who works wonders with wood. The stakes are low, but the fun is not. A++ highly recommend AND there's a second book coming out that's a prequel to this one and features a foul-mouthed ratkin.

House Witch by Delemhach is about a young man whose magic centers on hearth & home. He sets himself up in the royal kitchen expecting to keep a low profile, but soon finds himself in far over his head, saving lives, and cooking the most incredible meals anyone's ever eaten. It's broken into three books, but each picks up right where the last left off, so it could have worked as one. The characters are well done, the drama builds at a steady pace, and while a lot of serious stuff happens it never really loses its sense of fun. There are a couple of places where the author gets overly-enamored of puns and getting a little too silly, but it's still a good story.

Coffee, Milk, and Spider Silk by Coyote JM Edwards is a short story and TBH it kinda suffers from that. The premise features a drider retiring from guard service to open a coffee shop. I've seen some unfavorable comparisons to L&L but while the author acknowledges it as an influence, it's still its own thing. I just wish there'd been more time to expand on the characters. The emo teen dryad with accident-caused disabilities is a whole story on her own, and I would have liked to know more about the single mom minotaur who hides her anxiety behind a wall of cheerfulness. Even the protagonist Gwen feels a little hastily sketched. It's still a fun, easy read, but I feel like it needs more. More stories set here or a future expansion to a full-length novel.

The Tea Princess Chronicles by Casey Blair are good. Some heavy plotting, but still light enough to qualify. They center on a princess who chooses to run away from her family rather than get shoved into a convenient box of their choosing. She comes to rest in a tea shop and settles in to study to become a tea master. Lots of drama interferes, of course, and there are smugglers to catch, a lost people to rescue, and a kingdom to save. There are secondary trans characters and secondary queer romances as well.

The Bookshop & the Barbarian by Morgan Stang was not written for me. I only got a few pages in before giving up in frustration, though I may try again later. The premise should be fun: woman on the run sets up shop in a cozy little bookstore and then hires a barbarian woman to help drive out the encroaching goblins. It's low stakes, funny, and has a sapphic romance, but for me it was trying way too hard to sound clever. I prefer straightforward storytelling to meandering narratives that include snide commentaries on everything. That's a me thing, though, and might suit other readers better.

Can't Spell Treason without Tea by Rebecca Thorne is another good sapphic romance about a guard for an evil queen who runs away to the borderlands and opens a tea/book shop with her head-of-the-mage-guild girlfriend. Lots of good plotty stuff and maybe more angst than your average fluff, but it's fun and features a cozy setting with locals who are eager to help. Should be first in a series, since the queen is definitely not going to let them get away with this.

I'm still watching for more and if anyone wants to add to the list feel free.

Also, now that I've delved into some cozy fantasy, I'd love to see more cozy scifi. Coffee shop/bookstore AUs are a delight.

ooh do you have any steampunk and dark carabet recommendations? I've been dipping my toes a little into the genres, but I'd love to hear more!

no pressure if you're not feeling up to it though—hope you get plenty of rest these coming days.

Hi Anon!

Thank you so so much for this question, I'm so excited to answer!!! I definitely have recommendations for you!!! Most of these artists have potentially triggering themes in their work, as I tend to like that and that's not uncommon in the dark cabaret world. If you want straight up steampunk that's less triggering and more fun/historical I can recommend some of that too (The Cog is Dead comes to mind) but I listen to less of that.

Some of my favorite artists in the steampunk/dark cabaret/dieselpunk/creepy circus etc world include: The Dresden Dolls (if you like them also Evelyn Evelyn and Amanda Palmer's solo work), Jill Tracy, Emilie Autumn (possibly my all time fav but a highly problematic person if that matters to you), Birdeatsbaby (their older work is more in this style than their newer stuff, esp Feast of Hammers which is apparently now under Mishkin Fitzgerald's name, but lots of their stuff is great), Bitter Ruin, Johnny Hollow, Aurelio Voltaire, Circus Contraption, The Jane Austen Argument, Sunday Driver, Pretty Balanced, and Rasputina. There are others, but this should be a solid start.

But before you go! I have one last , very very important recommendation: PAUL SHAPERA!!!!

Paul Shapera writes musicals. Exceptionally strange and wonderful musicals. They're mostly interconnected, and the first one that everyone starts with is entirely in a steampunk musical style. It's called The Dolls of New Albion: A Steampunk Opera and you should listen to it IMMEDIATELY. Not all of his work is steampunk, there's dieselpunk and cyberpunk and creepy circuses and fairypunk and everything strange and fantastical that you could possibly want. I'm constantly trying to get new people into his work, it's soooo good and fun. If you're at all into steampunk, dark cabaret, and musicals, please listen to The Dolls of New Albion and start your journey into the Shaperaverse. You won't regret it. You might get confused though; the first album is pretty straightforward esp if you read the lyrics, but later albums benefit from reading the wiki pages as well as the lyrics as you listen. It's sooo worth it though!!! Do you like steampunk? Romances? Tragedies? Horror? Musical theater? Queer stories? Stories about the power of storytelling? Interconnected worlds and fun world-based puzzles to untangle? THEN LISTEN TO PAUL SHAPERA WITH ME. Okay, that is all.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue--Mackenzi Lee

Book review time!! It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, but this was the first book that I sped through in quite awhile, so I thought it deserved one.

I really enjoyed this book. It was generally light-hearted and fun, an adventure novel set in historic times with piracy, highway-robbery, balls, and other such shenanigans, but dang were there some parts that hit heavy too.

The story follows our main character, Monty, as he goes on his ‘European tour,’ basically one last hurrah before he is forced to grow up and help his father run his estate. On this tour are his sister, his best friend (who he is in love with), and their guide. What starts off as a straightforward tour quickly becomes a wacky adventure as they get pulled into sinister plots. We get to see each of the main characters grow and develop into someone better than they were before, and was overall just a very heartfelt and endearing novel.

The writing style was very down-to-earth, making it easy to read and making you really feel like you were there with the characters. And the YEARNING. A historical romance gets me every time, but this one really did it.

And its funny, too. I got several good laughs of out of this one.

And again, there is GROWTH in the characters. Monty starts off as a rich prat, and while he remains that throughout the novel, he also grows to realize just how sheltered and spoiled of an existence that he had, and that others have had a lot harder. And yet it doesn’t shame him for feeling bad in his own experiences, it just discusses how everyone goes through rough patches, and how to help each other through it.

It’s also one of the first books that I’ve read where you get to see a young queer person struggling with their identity, trying to ‘be normal’ and push down these thoughts and instincts, and not being able to. There was something about the way this was written that really resonated with me.

Very excited to read the rest of the books in this series, and would recommend giving them a try

I decided to switch to an ask, hope that's okay. So one big reason why I commented in the first place because I thought of you as some crazy shipper, but after talking to you for a while I saw it's not really true. That was purely me being wrong and I apologise. I just went through your whole pinned post and a lot of it was stuff that I already expected and I still don't think I can change you mind but really, a lot of that stuff is things that friends could do. 1/?

Getting dinner together, giving somebody a necklace etc. friends can do that too. Some might even see it as an elaborate marketing strategy. You see it as romantic, because you want to. And most of the stuff, like posting something at a certain date or time of the day or changing song lyrics is just pure speculation. They might be coincidence. Some things might not even have anything to do with them together but something completely else. 2/? You say that you try to not see hints where there are none, but stuff like that, analyzing dates and looking for clues in what exact time of the day a certain thing was posted in sm is just that.You see those things as romance because you want to see them as such, not because they objectively are. That's exactly it, seeing things where there are none. 3/3

I said this more than once already but I am open to having my mind changed. If I didn't, I wouldn't ask for discussions in my pinned post. To have a proper discussion, though, both parties should 1) have the same amount of knowledge on the subject, 2) leave their emotions out of it and 3) be open to the possibility of being wrong. So again; I am open to having a rational discussion about this. If you aren’t, please let me know.

Getting dinner together, giving somebody a necklace etc. friends can do that too.

Of course they can. But do friends feel the need to be secretive about it? When it comes to their dates in June 2018 and December 2019, they spent the night together. Not to mention, they went out of their way to spend 520 - Lunar Valentine's Day - together. Would friends do that? Right after the date in Dec 2019, Yibo wore a pink hoodie to the airport, which as far as we know was the first time he wore pink of his own volition. In his interview with Cosmo two months later, he got asked "what's the first thing that comes to your mind when hearing the word romance?" and his reply was "pink pink". Cp fans think this means that gg was the one who gave him that hoodie since dd himself doesn't like pink. But even if he didn't receive it from gg, Yibo must have been in a romantic mood to be wearing pink - and that, after being with XZ, his “friend”. Regarding the necklace, if it was given by a friend, then why does Yibo constantly wear it yet hide it? To compare, he wears the necklace and ring Han-ge gave him at any event/recording and he wears those openly, too, the way you're supposed to wear jewelry, right? He wears the ox head necklace at events and also in private, in selfies, in between schedules, during rehearsals etc and he started hiding it, i.e. wearing it under his shirts, after fans started fighting about it. Surely, you know that Yibo is an honest/straightforward/blunt person. If we cp fans were wrong with our theory, he would definitely call us out and simultaneously please his solo fans by telling them they're right, thus putting an end to drama among his fans - but he hasn't. The only thing that explains this is assuming he received it from a romantic partner cuz being involved is something that Yibo’s company would not allow him to go public with so instead, he has to hide the necklace as well as his relationship. Likewise, he surely wouldn’t be wearing the necklace all the time if the one who gave it to him wasn’t even closer to his heart than Han-ge is.

Some might even see it as an elaborate marketing strategy.

Marketing what exactly? CQL is over and done with and they don't have other projects together. Not to mention that their connection has brought more harm to their reputations than good and they have way more solo fans than cp fans. Thinking ggdd would go through so much or any trouble just to give credibility to a lie implies that they do it for clout (which neither of them needs or wants) or that they think that queer relationships is something to make fun of or else, that they have no integrity. What exactly is it about them that makes you think they would be such people? They both starred in a BL. Yibo even insisted on trying for that role although he got rejected twice. XZ has shown his support of the lgbt community before. Given Yibo’s entire attitude and e.g. his song lyrics in WuGan, he doesn’t care about fame/clout. He does what he’s passionate about because he’s passionate about it and for money, according to himself. And I don’t think I even need to point out why XZ has clearly no need for more attention. (In fact, his studio asked fans in a recent statement to stop their fan support and voting etc - as a result, his supertopic dropped several spots from the #1, after having been there for months).

And most of the stuff, like posting something at a certain date or time of the day or changing song lyrics is just pure speculation. They might be coincidence.

So what is the limit? How many coincidences do there need to be exactly for them to stop being coincidences? How can posting something at precisely minute 3 or minute 8 always be a coincidence? Especially when XZ wrote in an older weibo post that he uses kadian. He posted at 13:28 in two of his latest updates. On TTXS, Yibo got asked what romantic things he’d do for his partner and he literally said he’d remember certain dates and times and do something surprising. In a more recent weibo, Yibo made a post in support of Han-ge at precisely 21:00 - the kadian of which means "ai ni", love you. He once posted an ad for his mobile game at 18:21 which means "Yi Bo ai ni" and which could have been directed at his fans. Some of their kadian might be but not all of them are reaching and the sheer quantity of all the kadian they've been using proves that those are not coincidences either. Regarding the changing of song lyrics, yes those are speculation. Gg never actually said he'd do that. But the circumstances around those is what makes it seem meaningful. And that time when he changed the lyrics to have the letters ybxz in the beginnings of lines seems meaningful and obvious enough as is.

Some things might not even have anything to do with them together but something completely else.

Of course that is a possibility and one that I am well aware of. I can and do obviously only base my judgement on what we see and know. If there’s something I don’t know that would somehow make my pov wrong, I would be willing to admit that and change my mind. When it comes to things like XZ, changing lyrics to ybxz or Yibo, posting at 10:05 (gg’s birthday) or talking about ordering clothes home to share and then seeing gg in those clothes or gg posting at times that have Yibo’s name or dd, posting at times that have XZ’s name - make it unmistakable to me that they are each other’s special someone and not anyone else’s. Since those things only fit each other.

You see those things as romance because you want to see them as such, not because they objectively are. That's exactly it, seeing things where there are none.

At the beginning of your message, you apologized for assuming I’m a crazy shipper but you end the message with this. “Seeing things where there are none” is what I’d consider crazy shipping so that last sentence sounds like an insult to me. I don’t know what to make of this, lol. Your assumption that I want to see those things as romance is wrong. They’d have it soooo much easier if they were just friends, why in God’s name would I want them to have it more difficult? They wouldn’t feel the need to hide so much, to be so distant in public. We’d probably get fanservice and selfies and joined endorsements. The scandal from February may not have ever happened cuz they’d definitely have fewer cp fans. It’d be awesome if they were nothing more than friends. Not to mention that making wrong claims about a relationship between two real people, solely based on what my desires are, is selfish - it’s about what I want instead of what is. I do not have that attitude. The fact that I wanted to believe they’re just friends is precisely why it took me several months to concede that I must be wrong. I kept dismissing all that I saw as coincidences or as platonic. I do not want ggdd to be lovers but I also don’t want to deny reality. I know that my perception may be fallible, though, so of course I am open to discussing this. I would welcome being proven wrong about this. You don’t properly back up your claims and your arguments don’t take all that we know into consideration. Which is why so far, at least, you haven’t made me see differently.

ARC Review: Gentleman Seeks Bride by Megan Frampton

4/5

After being jilted by her fiance years prior, Jane has disappeared into the background of the ton. Thomas, on the other hand, is quite well known for his charm and good looks, but has no money to bring to a marriage, and the need to wed an heiress in order to keep his family afloat. The two of them make a Classic Sex Deal, which allows Jane to get a taste of freedom while Thomas gets introduced to eligible young heiresses.

This was my first Frampton read, and I definitely plan on reading more from her. The book had a fun, romcom-y tone, without being too sweet or too comedic. There was a surprising amount of eroticism to the novel; it's not that I didn't think Frampton had it in her, but rather than the tone was so light that I wondered at first if this would be less on the sexy side. Nope--nothing to worry about there! There's an especially interesting scene in a hot air balloon... (And a sex club! I love it when they go to sex clubs in historicals.)

Another thing I really appreciated about the book is that Frampton made an effort to include a queer character, who doesn't suffer and doesn't mope and is generally a great addition. I've seen a lot of discussion of queer characters in historical romances lately, and how "difficult" it apparently is to give them happy storylines. Frampton proved that it can be done, and without difficulty. I would love to see her write a book with a queer romance at its core next time; the one we have in Gentleman Seeks Bride is a subplot, but she could potentially give us more of it in a novella in the future.

If I was going to critique anything, I would say that the book could have delved a bit further in terms of character development. It's a fairly simple, straightforward love story, without a lot at stake. As an angst hound I do kind of miss having a bit more drama happening; but at the same time, this was a nice change of pace. I feel like it would be a perfect palate cleanser if you're in the midst of a reading slump, or perhaps dealing with a particularly sad or angsty read.

Overall, I would wholeheartedly recommend this to historical romcom fans, especially if they're in the mood for a cozy, friends to lovers vibe. I definitely plan on trying more from Frampton in the future.

Thanks to Netgalley for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

aoi and/or akane for the headcanon thing?

Them!! Aight, Imma start with Aoi

Sexuality Headcanon: Well it's not really headcanon, he's bi and there's nothing you can do about it <3

Gender Headcanon: Gender nonconforming he/they dude that often goes over the top with acessorizing and honestly good for him I too will die if I am perceived without a tiara, scarf, gloves and earrings all at once

A ship I have with said character: @gaulemtypefemale-dm-l-016 talked my ear off about Aoilight once and completely sold me on the two. I'm not big on shipping but I want good things for Aoi and they're really cute and snakegay so like yeah I really enjoy this one

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Phi! I read a fic once that had a bit about them getting along and forming a friendship based on being the only blatantly queer people in the crash keys meetings, and I love that for them lol

A NOTP I have with said character: Him and Clover... I won't tag my friend they haven't been active in forever but we've talked about this So Many Times lmao. They really like the two together and whatever good for them but?? I can't?? There was even one time we were on a freaking field trip bus and they were trying to make this pairing make sense and I was absolutely losing my mind. It was a ton of fun lol. Anyways, yeaaah.. she axe murdered him and he called her a stupid bitch while holding a gun, not my definition of romance

A random headcanon: I came up with this literally yesterday or so cause of the whole health thing I had, but like, I can see him giving himself a scar from scratching the syringe mark too much in the aftermath of the first nonary game

General Opinion over said character: Gotta be one of my top comfort characters of all time, no joke, don't wanna give away this bit of my tragic backstory so like, what can I say, seeing this story from his perspective just means a lot to me. The system and general life circumstances were never kind but he was just that stubborn and determined to find a way for their little family of two to be happy again despite all the compromises, like, being the older sibling as well sure helps appreciate some stuff going on there mostly the willingness to commit a crime in retaliation. Also I genuinely love that he's, by his own words, just a secretary and there for support lol

Okay now for the girl boss half of the dynamic duo

Sexuality Headcanon: Idk never thought about it much, she comes across to me like as someone who's not necessarily aroace but will not give a crap about picking a label because she doesn't give a crap about getting in a relationship with, or even paying this kind of attention to anyone that's not her boi™ but who knows when they're not star-crossed anymore how she'd be about it

Gender Headcanon: Nonbinary she/her because idk I get gender vibes from her, I feel like she'd have a lot of gender feelings going on under the surface, like, idk how to explain it. Is it because my hair used to look like that and I used to dress in a lot of baggy purples and blacks? Probaby Love the idea of her weaponizing her inner gender ambiguity with the Zero stuff tho

A ship I have with said character: Junepei, for the soul, it's got so much to it and none of it is straightforward aside from the fact that they have like a bond™ I like all flavors this ship comes in, divorce wins junepei, healthy lovestruck junepei and c-team polycule

A BROTP I have with said character: I think she would be besties with Clover, they'd go shopping and pester the hell out of their big brothers together <3

A NOTP I have with said character: I honestly don't know? I haven't really seen many ships with her that aren't Junepei or super tiny and valid rarepairs... Well I don't like Sigma, some people must ship the two right, don't like it

A random headcanon: Everytime she comes across Junpei or Aoi asleep on some part of their houses she kind of stops for a moment to make sure their chests are going up and down and they're like... alive. If she didn't stare and check then the images she'd have in the corner of her eye would be a bit too bloody. She doesn't tell either of them but abruptly wakes them up from time to time

General Opinion over said character: Here's the thing, I always use the word Ambivalent to describe my opinion on her, like, specifically that word. Not neutral, ambivalent. Contradictory feelings, much like she herself is quite paradoxical. She's absolutely outstanding as a character and though she's the kind of person I know I'd loathe to have to deal with on many levels there are also so many other levels that I like, can relate to her on? Going back and playing through 999 again made me stop and realize that, It's weird, I'd be fully on board with her if her motivations didn't graduate to a generic saving the world plot later on tbh

here is part 2 of my sci fi recs masterlist! again, i could’ve gone on with even more recs but i decided to draw the line here. this set for the most part errs on the darker side, thematically, visually, conceptually etc. i personally find it super thought-provoking and intriguing but that’s just me. i highly recommend reading the tw under the cut if you’re thinking of watching, especially the matrix and space gothic slides. please view at your discretion <3

part 1/2

If you like WLW (um idk why I only made this slide based on identity; it just kinda happened lmao but I think it works):

Siren: (tw: parent loss, grief, thalassophobia) a mermaid surfaces in a cove town looking for her lost sister. Polyamorous relationship between a man, a black/indigenous woman, and the mermaid!!!! Environmentalism! As a person who has thalassophobia, I didn’t find this too hard to watch. There aren’t that many underwater scenes, thankfully.

Black Mirror: San Junipero: (tw: grief, but otherwise none that I recall; it’s pretty lighthearted) two women meet in a beach resort in the 80s and fall in love. Interracial wlw!

Orphan Black: (tw: suicide, infertility, rape implication, VB, language, drug use) a woman realizes she is one of several clones and uncovers an elaborate corporate conspiracy. This is one of my personal favorites with great rep of complex women of all ages and bodily autonomy. Several central queer characters and a black male secondary character!

Starfish: (tw: grief, a few jump scares and brief monstrous imagery, blood) after the death of her best friend, a young woman breaks into the deceased’s apartment and discovers a chain of music tapes that could save the world. Weird, subtle, and experimental. Not to sound like a surfer but you kinda have to allow yourself to be in the vibe. The main character and her friend were definitely a thing imo.

Annihilation: (tw: body horror, VB, disturbing imagery) a team of women scientists explore an anomaly that rapidly mutates genes. There are canonical and coded wlw and multiple (light-skinned) POC in this but the rep is short-lived. I put it on because although it should’ve been more ambitious with the casting, I think it breaks *some* ground for Hollywood sci fi with the all-woman team and more than one WOC. Wack ending though.

Mad Max: Fury Road: (tw: rape implication, violence) I think everyone knows about this one but: in the apocalypse, a woman breaks 4 younger women out of a harem. A badass car chase across the desert ensues. A bit light on plot/worldbuilding, but sooooo cool-looking and very thematic!!!!

If you liked STRANGER THINGS:

It: (tw: VB) don’t actually watch this lmao I’m serious. It’s really stupid, and not in a funny way. But I do think Stranger Things was inspired by this story overall. The modern It films are better but they’re also really kjslsklskls stupid? Stephen King in general is obsolete imo.

The Thing: (tw: VB) an alien that can take the form of others wreaks havoc on a scientific facility in Antarctica. It’s dark and vibey, but I feel like it’s just Alien in Antarctica with truly terrible special effects tbh?? Others feel differently. It’s also classified as sci fi/horror, so stay away if you’re easily scared! Not too good on representation.

Super 8: (tw: some language) a group of preteens witnesses an alien-caused train crash as they’re filming a home movie. Not diverse but I definitely think it inspired a lot of sci fi for the 2010s, ESPECIALLY Stranger Things. Not too scary either!

ET: (tw: it’s been a really long time since I watched so I don’t remember but it’s rated PG) I think everyone knows what this is about!

Alien: (tw: VB) truckers in space discover a deadly evolving alien. One of my favorite movies of all time! I love the aesthetic and the mood and worldbuilding so much. Ellen Ripley is one of the first Final Girls in the horror genre. I personally found this more of a sci fi than a horror movie but I’d say stay away if you’re nervous!!

Terminator: (tw: VB) a deadly android is sent to kill a woman who’s destined to birth the man who saves the world. Terminator 2 is way better imo because it centers on Sarah rather than the dudes saving her and trying to kill her. But it’s still worth a watch, you know, for the culture.

If you liked CONTAGION:

War of the Worlds: (tw: blood) pretty straightforward aliens come to Earth to take over. Sorry to rec another T*m Cruise movie but I really like the alien design and the apocalypsey feel of this one. Baby Dakota Fanning is in it too!

Falling Skies: (tw: VB, body horror, rape) alien invasion yada yada but the alien lore gets more interesting as it goes on. It’s kind of cheesy and yeah maybe I did discover it by looking up the iCarly boyfriend (and what about it??) but it’s nice to have on in the downtime. An Asian woman co-stars.

Knowing: (tw: blood) school students unearth a time capsule that contains a sheet from a girl who predicted all the tragic world events between 1959-2009. This is NOT a good movie but it’s SO hilarious to me because of the acting and contrivances. Fun to group-watch!!!!

10 Cloverfield Lane: (tw: VB, emotional abuse) a woman wakes up in a bunker to a captor who tells her that the world has fallen to alien apocalypse. I think this movie elevates the original Cloverfield in pretty much every way. Again, super tense and moody. The conflict revolves around whether or not the captor is being truthful.

Train to Busan: (tw: extreme VB and disturbing imagery) a man and his daughter are on a train when a zombie hops on at the last minute. It’s Korean with an all-Asian cast; Choi Woo-shik co-stars. I definitely wouldn’t watch if you’re scared of blood and gore. It’s very gross and violent.

12 Monkeys: (tw: ableism, violence) a man from the 2030s is sent back to the 1990s to prevent the plague that will end the world. I think the aesthetics of this are really cool but otherwise it’s not a favorite. But I think it appeals to people who like apocalypse and time travel stuff!

If you liked THE MATRIX:

Strange Days: (tw: rape, sex, nudity, VB, racism, police brutality) memories can be saved to hard-drives and sold on the black market for exorbitant prices. Very problematic and triggering presentation of rape, but young Angela Basset stars and there’s a condemnation of police brutality that’s still relevant 20+ years after its release.

Upgrade: (tw: ableism, VB, fridging) a disabled man installs an AI in his spine to help him move and investigate the murder of his wife. The premise is glaringly ableist and I feel weird even recommending it tbh but it’s got great visuals and a few good twists.

Altered Carbon: (tw: VB, weird interracial body switching, uhhh I haven’t finished this one IDK) in a society where human bodies are interchangeable, a man wakes up in a new body after 300 years of his mind being dormant. A Latina woman co-stars, two Asian characters in a subplot, a few other POC here and there as well. I think season 2 stars a black man.

eXistenZ: (tw: VB, anti-Asian racism, general weirdness? IDK it’s hard to describe. There are guns made out of bones and weirdly sexual visuals.) after someone tries to assassinate her, a video game designer and her bodyguard must play through her virtual reality game in order to save the only copy of the game.

Minority Report: (tw: VB, eye removal/insertion) all crimes are predicted and criminals reported before they are committed. The main character is preemptively accused of murder. This one is really white but it was one of the first movies that got me into sci fi. Early 2000s Colin Farrell <3.

If you liked WESTWORLD:

Humans: (tw: uncanny valley, objectification) androids are household helpers and public assistants throughout Britain until one day they start developing consciences. It hits a lot of the themes of Westworld without all the unnecessary pretentiousness, “edginess,” and “grittiness,” and it stars Gemma Chan and Colin Morgan!!

Blade Runner 2049: (^) an android is ordered to find and kill a human/android hybrid. It’s not without its issues but it’s one of my favorite movies of all time, right up there with Alien. So beautiful, so thematic, so thought-provoking (to me, anyway. I know a lot of people thought it was way too slow).

Ex Machina: (^) a man is invited to a private estate to help test the intelligence of an android. It’s kind of predictable imo but you know Oscar Isaac and Sonoya Mizuno are in it so we have to stan, and so is Domhnall Gleeson, for the SW fans! I like how isolated and quiet it feels.

I Am Mother: (tw: blood, gaslighting) after an extinction event, a young woman is raised by a lone android in a human repopulation facility until one day a woman knocks. It starts off slow and a bit generic, but I’m obsessed with the 2nd and 3rd acts of this movie---good acting, dialogue, and fantastic visuals. It has that same isolated feel as Ex Machina with only three characters, all of which are women/woman-coded!!!

If you liked ALIEN (space gothic):

Battlestar Galactica (2004-2008 reboot): (tw: genocide, war, colonization, VB, uncanny valley, rape, infidelity) space opera that follows humanity as it fights the ever-evolving and powerful enemy of their own creation: androids named Cylons. Um? I  L O V E  THIS SHOW SO MUCH and I truly do think it’s everything sci fi should be. There is a really unfortunate Miss Saigon-esque romance plot in season 1 and a lazily-written love triangle involving a black woman in season 3, but otherwise it’s one of my all-time favorites and I highly recommend. It’ll spin your mind and tug your heartstrings for years.

Black Mirror: Men Against Fire: (tw: genocide, war, nudity) soldiers in the near future protect citizens from mutant zombies, but one soldier starts experiencing strange hallucinations in the field. This is such an underrated Black Mirror episode starring a black man. There’s brief objectification of a black woman but it’s very anti-military and it has an interesting sterile aesthetic that reminds me of Alien.

High Life: (tw: rape, black holes/space anxiety, very disturbing) prisoners are given the option to join a space expedition and serve as experimental subjects en route to a black hole. Please please stay away if you are triggered by sexual violence of any kind. There’s almost no physical violence in this movie but it’s psychologically haunting imo.

The Faculty: (tw; VB, drug use) high schoolers discover their teachers are being possessed by an invading alien race. I LOVE THIS MOVIE LMFAOOOO. The cast is SO wild---Elijah Wood, John Oliver, Usher, Salma Hayek, Josh Hartnett??? And I’m probably forgetting more. The combination of the cast, the terrible dialogue, and shitty special effects is PEAK comedy imo. But bear in mind it’s bloody!!

Prometheus: (tw: body horror, VB, uncanny valley) a crew of scientists heads on a deep space mission to find the aliens who created the human race. A prequel to Alien, but I kind of view it as its own thing. Despite the plot holes, I love this movie too! It was one of my sci fi gateways and the visuals are stunning. It’s pretty gory though so if that’s not your thing stay away.

Life: (tw: extreme VB) a lesser Alien, but it provides all the space gothic tropes (jokey crew, shots of space, really pretty spaceship, everyone dies, creepy alien) with a well-known cast---Gyllenhaal, Reynolds, etc.

The X Files: (tw: a few episodes contain 90s racism, sexism, queerphobia etc but you can skip them) a lot of people have watched this so I barely have to explain, but it’s one of my favorites. Two FBI agents investigate multiple aliens and get involved in government conspiracies along the way. A good gateway!

A Quiet Place: (tw: child loss, VB, tension) I think most people know what this is about too. Alien apocalypse with aliens that hunt by sound. The daughter in the family is deaf, and so is the actress who portrays her. The representation of deafness was critically acclaimed.

So much to watch, not enough time in the week - What does Fall 2020 look like?

A list of what looks interesting in the next season and silly reasons as to why

I’m not the sort of person who likes finding out too many (in some cases even a smidgen of) details about anime I’m going to watch, so this will be a spoiler free preview of the season. Here is a list of anime I will try and you can expect to hear about on Kagemajaya.  

Click on the show names to be taken to their MAL pages for more detail.

Hype

Taisou Zamurai

A male cast gymnastics anime from MAPPA (the studio of Yuri!!! on Ice.) Enough said.

Watch the trailer here.

Chuan Shu Zijiu Zhinan

This one’s a bit of a cheat as we’ve already seen 2 episodes of it (3 for those who have VIP accounts on weTV.) However, I was indeed hype for it before it started. Based on a BL novel by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu, the author of Mo Dao Zu Shi, this one promises a lot to people who enjoy transmigration, cultivation and a bit of gay. It is also a quite funny isekai parody. The only downside is that it doesn’t share the same visual quality as MDZS, and is entirely 3D. It’s a good thing I’m not much of a stickler for hot visuals.

Watch it here on its official stream. 

Tian Guan Ci Fu

Another donghua based on a BL novel, well-known among the danmei fans also by its English name of Heaven Official’s Blessing. Also written by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (boy, are they busy.) And a big plus: it’s not 3D, so really looking forward to watching handsome men cultivate together in pseudo-historic China. Beautiful setting, beautiful boys. Now one can only hope for an interesting plot too and we are set.

Watch the trailer here.

Cautiously Expectant

Yuukoku no Moriarty

I saw manga adverts for this one all around Akihabara and Ikebukuro last year when I went on a little trip to Japan. The bishie Professor Moriarty was an immediate pull, and as a Holmes fan, I feel attracted to most of its adaptations, despite almost always being let down. The one thing that makes me cautious about this one is that it is published by a shounen magazine that is not GFantasy, so I’m not sure if the bishie designs and the male cast actually mean what I want it to mean. Fingers crossed.

Watch the trailer here. 

Giving It a Shot

Inu to Neko Docchi mo Katteru to Mainichi Tanoshii

A cute looking comedy short about a dog and a cat.

Jujutsu Kaisen

A mostly male cast Shounen Jump affair. Spring 2020’s Kakushigoto also implied that it has a fujoshi fanbase - let’s see what that’s all about.

Maesetsu!

A female cast gag comedy sol created by Lucky Star’s Yoshimizu Kagami. I watched Lucky Star fairly recently and found it quite entertaining with many sweet/funny characters. I suppose we will see if Yoshimizu still has it. Fingers crossed.

Adachi to Shimamura

I try to watch all queer anime as they come, and this comes in from the shoujo ai quota. Looks like a pretty straightforward romance. Hopefully it will have heart.

Kaeru no Pickles: Kimochi no Iro

All I know about this one is that it has a chill looking poster and has a slice of life tag on MAL. I’m not entirely sure whether we’ll get this subbed, but if we do, I’ll give it a shot. 

Kami-tachi ni Hirowareta Otoko

Fell for the slice of life tag once again. This one is an isekai with a soft looking MC. Not entirely sure it’ll be up my alley, but no harm in trying it, maybe for a pleasant surprise.

Sore dake ga Neck

This one seems to have the cool setting of a convenience store. I did initially think this was going to be a sol as well, but seems like that might not be the case. Either way, cool setting.

Hypnosis Mic: Division Rap Battle - Rhyme Anima

Another anime whose source project I saw plastered all around Tokyo. I’m not a huge fan of idol shows but the rapping bit makes me a bit curious.

Noblesse

A manhwa massively popular among female fans which has also received one off adaptations before, it’s finally getting its turn for a full cour among the hype the industry seems to have for Korean webtoons these days (Kami no Tou, God of High School, etc.) I did watch one of the OVA’s years ago, and wasn’t entirely impressed but then again I can’t judge a whole work based on one arc adapted into a single episode. Male cast action stuff. We shall see and judge.

Magatsu Wahrheit: Zuerst

This was chosen entirely on my shallow criteria as usual: visuals with two dudes on them. Now we’ll see whether the German name is a cringe factor or it’s actually interesting.

Sequels

Osomatsu-san 3rd Season

Osomatsu-san has been a consistently high quality production for me since the beginning. The humor is definitely my cup of tea, though as with any episodic gag comedy, some sketches do miss. It is more often than not a hit. The seiyuu cast is a huge huge pull, as this is not them only acting out an already written character but you can actually hear them having fun as the sextuplets. It is also one of the rarer shows where I, as a person who isn’t great at focusing on visuals, appreciate the impeccable quality of animation. So hype for another season of this majorly fun series and to welcome Matsuno’s back home - coziness, here I come.

Quanzhi Gaoshou 2

I watched the first season of Quanzhi Gaoshou (or King’s Avatar) because it was made by the studio of MDZS, and it was the first time I had seen a good looking Chinese animation production. And it didn’t disappoint. Production quality was similar and more importantly, it had a very engaging plot - pro MMORPG players playing MMORPG,  their personal dramas and the actual (surprisingly fun for me) gameplay and action. Its most important quality is still its charming cast for me, a successful ensemble cast, where with the exception of the antagonists, everyone and their relationships are lovely. Mostly a male cast show, it does also have nice ladies. Looking forward to going back to them. My only personal issue (definitely not a flaw on the show’s part but my attention span) is that it has so many teams and characters that I forgot most of who was who. Fingers crossed it’ll be easy to get back into. 

Haikyuu!!: To the Top 2nd Season

Haikyuu is back again, to finish off the “To the Top” arc. The first cour of this season was probably the season that took me out of the Haikyuu hypnosis state where I assumed everything that came out with the name attached to it was great. It was still enjoyable in its second half but I do feel like the magic has worn off now. I hope I’m wrong and the tournament hype will bring it back again. Haikyuu is at its best when it’s tense in-match and funny with character interactions, so fingers crossed for that.

Ani ni Tsukeru Kusuri wa Nai! 4

The Chinese comedy short is back! As mentioned a couple of paragraphs ago, gag comedies are always hit or miss with their sketches, and this one is also mostly a hit for me, though definitely not at the level of Osomatsu-san. The pull of this show is the cute boys and their dumbassery. Looking forward to its easy fun and more Kai Xin. 

Also continuing...

Mo Dao Zu Shi Q, Great Pretender

Have been enjoying both these shows greatly so far. 2 more cours of MDZS Q to go with their cute chibi fun, and Great Pretender’s last case (9 eps) is already released on Japanese Netflix so now we wait for Laurent and the gang to reach us. Really looking forward to the emotional drama of Laurent and hopefully some proper addressal of his feelings for Edamame. Either way, it’ll look gorgeous and will be heaps of fun if the first three cases are anything to go by.

I might pick up other shows and most likely drop some of these throughout the season but here’s hoping it will be enjoyable overall despite the small number of shows I’ll start with. What are you guys planning to watch?

Updated Pacific Rim Recs

Organized by pairing (or gen) and then alphabetized by title. Summaries (which have been copied from their respective stories) and descriptions are provided. Notation at the end of the description indicates if a story is completed or a WIP.

Gen

Take Up Your Spade and Break Ground - Tendo Choi is a 911 dispatcher because it pays well and because he’s damn good at it. He doesn’t take the job with the expectation of finding a family – but sometimes the people who call end up up meaning a hell of a lot, and Tendo’s never been one to stay detached. Friendship/Family. Tendo POV, very well written and the plot is original. A great AU overall. I really loved following Tendo and his relationships to the Shatterdome people through his work at 911. One-shot.

Hermann, Newton Friendship

All the Colors of the Rainbow - The first thing Newt noticed about Hermann was that he was a neat freak. Well. Okay. Maybe not a neat freak. Maybe just an ordinarily-neat person who didn’t like kaiju guts in his work space. Sharing a lab was going to be a challenge … Drama. Am I reccing this because Newt is autistic? Yes, yes I am. Also, these drabbles do wonders at showing the day-to-day struggles of Newton and Hermann sharing a lab. One-shot.

Hush Now - Hermann is upset and Newt tries to cheer him up. It either goes horribly wrong or horribly right- he’s not sure. Hurt/Comfort. Hermann gets an unfortunate phone call from his father and Newt is there to pick up the pieces. Drabble length, but still sweet. One-shot.

Not Unwelcome - Set directly after the events of the movie. Hermann leaves the celebrations to give himself some space, away from the loud people clapping him on the back, away from the happily drunken crowd, and, maybe, a bit of space away from Newt. Naturally, the moment he disappears, Newt goes after him. Minor angst ensues. Friendship/Angst. Cute, fluffly, indulgent, everything you want out of a feel-good story. An enjoyable read. One-shot.

Tröstung - When Hermann is three years old, his mother gives him a stuffed lamb. Angst/Friendship. Following Hermann through the years in his interactions with his  comfort object (an adorable sheep names Oskar). The premise and structure of the story really does a nice job at providing snapshots in Hermann’s life and development as he grows into the brilliant scientist he is. The story also provides a brief insight into Hermann and Newt’s relationship. One-shot.

Hermann/Newton

a ghost will be here in my stead - Hermann is feeling under the weather. Hurt/Comfort/Fluff. Post Uprising. Hermann falls ill after pushing himself too far to save Newton from the Precursors. Newton picks up the pieces. One-shot.

A Hand That Hold No Weapon - On their way back to the Hong Kong Shatterdome, Newton helps Gottlieb adjust to the after effects of drifting together. Drama/Hurt/Comfort. A much needed story after Hermann and Newton drift. Fun story, okay writing. One-shot.

A Momentary Lapse of Reason - It’s Newton’s fault, really. That Hermann is stuck on the floor of the Kwoon, feeling more than a bit useless and broken. Fluff/Hurt/Comfort. Hermann pushes himself too hard trying to physically work out his self-loathing. Newton is there to pick up the pieces. One-shot.

A Not so Simple Cold - Herman is sick. Really sick. He, however, is choosing to ignore how sick he is which Newton does not agree with. Fighting ensues but some realizations about their feelings for one another also come to a head. Fluff. One of those sickfics that’s not particularly original nor well written, but definitely scratched the hurt/comfort itch when needed. One-shot.

A Warm and Gentle Tug -  Hermann has a fear of having his blood drawn due to the fact that he always passes out or gets sick while it happens. This time around however, Hermann takes Newt along with him to his appointment to help ease him. Hurt/Comfort. Not the best writing here, but the relationship is fun. Mainly reccing because I have the exact same problem getting my blood drawn. One-shot.

Battered and Bruised - When Hermann comes to Newt’s defense, it doesn’t end well. Hurt/Comfort. Short and somewhat sweet. Newton and Hermann try to fix each other up after getting into a fight at a bar. One-shot.

Blue All Over - The worst one was recorded on a cold dreary day in the autumn of 2021. Hurt/Comfort. One of their many, and possible one of their worst, lab accidents. Herman is a self sacrificing idiot and Newton is at least fast on his feet. One-shot.

Collision - A kiss gone wrong. Romance/Humor. Hermann and Newton being dorky and clumsy. Cute, but short, story. One-shot.

Dehydration Sensation - Hermann doesn’t handle heat well. Hurt/Comfort. Hermann doesn’t take care of himself in the middle of a heat wave and Newt once again has to pick up the pieces. Including obstinate, delirious, and dissaproving Hermann alongside exasperated Newton! One-shot.

Homeostasis - The K-science laboratory stands on its own plane of existence; life within its concrete walls runs in parallel to life in the bigger world of the Hong Kong Shatterdome. Yet even here the laws of physics apply. Whenever Hermann’s body isn’t failing him, Newton’s mind is on the verge of breaking. Hurt/Comfort. The scientists have a rough day in the lab. I really enjoyed the contrast of the mental and physical given that each Hermann and Newt suffer from their own handicaps. Seeing the ailments as both a foil and a complement to each other was a very compelling look into their relationship. One-shot.

Incessant - Hermann’s physical limitations frustrate him to tears. Angst. Newton tries to help Hermann after a fall, Hermann is frustrated that his body won’t cooperate with anything. Poor Newt has to make this situation at least bearable for both of them. The selling points for this story is mostly domestic science boyfriends and an accurate depiction of the frustrations that come with being disabled/handicapped. One-shot.

Keep Your Mouth Shut, Keep Your Guard Up -  Hercules Hansen does not understand why Hermann won’t just tell him why he got in a fight with the new J-Tech. It’s obvious who came out worse for wear. Hurt/Comfort/Romance. Hermann just wants to protect Newton, they just keep getting into trouble. So wonderfully in character. I love these two. One-shot.

Laundry Day - “I must have almost popped the question a hundred times, but the timing never seemed…right, you know?” “And you decided nearly killing me in the middle of laundromat was the Platonic ideal of romance, did you?” Aka the one where Hermann launders Newt’s jacket and finds rather more than he bargained for. Hermann/Newt. Romance/Humor. This story is just so cute. I love how the everyday interaction between Newt and Hermann turns into such a touching/adorable moment. One-shot.

Oh, They’re Gonna Have to Fight Me - The Drift makes them realize they belong together. Now that they cancelled the apocalypse, there’s nothing left for them to do but live out their lives in happiness. That is, until Hermann realizes there’s more to the nightmares that Newt keeps having. (In which they don’t spend those ten years apart, and Hermann is there to figure it out and save Newt when the Precursors start taking over him.) Fluff/Angst. They win the war, get married, and live happily ever after until they don’t. If you were anything like me, the sequel really disappointed on the whole “haven’t seen you in ten years” bit. This is the fix-it that we needed for our science husbands as Hermann has to navigate his relationship with Newt while realizing exactly how compromised his husband truly is. Complete.  

Pride - Newmann oneshot. Newt takes Hermann on a date to his first LGBT parade- fluff through and through, except for a little reference to acephobia. Romance/Friendship. Am I reccing this entirely because Hermann is asexual? Yes, yes I am. Also features cute relationships, Newton coming up with a bunch of “queer” orientated pet names for Hermann, and some good points about sexuality. One-shot.

Somewhere, Something - Newt and Hermann start dating in the rush of change the end of war brings. Each of them is frightened that the other doesn’t realize what he’s in for. Hurt/Comfort/Angst. The science boyfriends help each other out as they grow closer in their relationship. I really appreciate the take on both mental and physical health issues. Two-shot, complete.

strange perceptions - The most essential question to pose, obviously, is why is Hermann presently finding himself contained in a shut-down emergency decontamination unit with only his lab partner as company, having forgone not only the process of actual decontamination but also the process of being noticed by anyone at all. The answer is frustratingly straightforward: because Newton. Angst/Hurt/Comfort. In which feelings are shared and realizations come to. I really love the dialogue, character introspection, and use of flashbacks in this story. I also love the fact that it literally took getting stuck together and completely helpless to force them into a conversation about feelings. One-shot.

Strong Enough - the Precursor in captivity, nobody knows exactly how to get Newt back to his old self, if that’s even possible. But Newt was always stubborn, and damn if Hermann would ever give up on him, or, worse yet, let him give up on himself. Emotional Hurt/Comfort/Angst. Hermann is going to get his husband back, even if he has to fight the entire Shatterdome, the alien possessing his love, and his own nightmares to do it. Another precursor!Newt fix-it, but we need all of those that we can get because I want my science husbands to end up happy. One-shot.

Taken Care Of - Newt helps out Hermann when he’s having a bad day. Hurt/Comfort. A short and fluffy slice of life story that follows the companionship of Newt and Hermann through a rough day. One-shot.

The Ghost and Dr. Priestly - Newt is pulling an all-nighter in the university library studying for a chemistry test, when he begins to hear strange sounds. Good news: it’s not a ghost. Bad news: he only finds out after giving his lab partner, Hermann, a mild concussion. Drama/Romance/Hurt/Comfort. Newt is an unbelievable idiot and poor Hermann suffers the consequences. Or, Hermann is concussed and is probably not thinking properly, but he still kisses Newt even after the daft man nearly brained him with a book. One-shot.

Tricks and Treats - Seven fics for the seven days of Gottbleed week (Oct. 5th-11 2015). Each story: 1. Is Gottbleed 2. Fulfills an OTP prompt from tumblr 3. Is newmann and 4. Is Halloween related. Trick or treating, costumes, haunted houses, ghosts, too much candy - and much more! Cute, funny, with a side of seriousness. Humor/Drama. Hermann and Newton make such a fun couple and these somewhat Halloween themed shorts perfectly show off their characters. Complete.

You and Your Dog Teeth - Desperate to find ends and solutions, Hermann wears himself out to exhaustion looking for answers, especially his already lame leg. Being around as his usual working late night companion, it’s up to Newt to help take Dr. Gottlieb home. What seemed entirely like a normal night only ends with two scientists realizing there’s a lot more between them than they thought. Angst/Humor. Such a fun story, this has a good balance between emotional tension and moments of hilarity that only the K-science boys can fully pull off. The awkward approach to romance in this story works very well for the characters and give an authentic feel to the whole thing. Two-shot, complete.

You Know I Love You: I Wrote It Down - Drs. Geiszler and Gottlieb’s relationship goes back almost ten years. We know this because the paper trail goes that far back, too. Romance. Where do I begin with this story? It’s so well done and amazingly written. I can’t get enough of it. The idea to follow the relationship of Hermann and Newton through their paper trail was brilliant and well executed. The sheer nerdy romance is amazing. I don’t even care if it has smut in it, it’s still well worth the read. One-shot.

Get ready kids because somebody called for all the Hayley Kiyoko asks

sleepover: have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? if it was in the past, do you wish that you told them?

Ugghhhh yea. I’ve told some and not others. The current one is rough because she’s straight (?) and we talked about her boy problems and i just wanted her to be happy, so i worked some fairy gaymother magic and now they’re dating which is… yeah.

I just kinda sucked it up and made a playlist into which i deposit all my sad gay pining. It’s about three hours long and Sleepover is the first track.

curious: do you drink? what’s your favourite drink? what drink isn’t your thing?

I am a connoisseur of fine juices. ;)

I’m a big smoothie girl, so a mango smoothie bubble tea is probably my fave. I like sodas or bitter things, for the most part. I’m a wine mom type and definitely think that it will be my alcohol go-to once I’m of age,

girls like girls: what’s your sexuality? how did you discover it? or have you just always known?

I’m a lesbean. :)

My first crush was Daphne from Scooby-Doo (i’ve given you that information, now use it wisely. by which i mean, don’t use it. please god.), so that was a landmark. I kind of always subconsciously know, but growing up I didn’t actually know what being LGBT+ was because my parents never made a big deal about it. We have straight friends, we have gay friends, so I wasn’t aware that sexuality and discourse around it was even a thing until I was around twelve. 

feelings: how do you think others perceive you? how do you perceive yourself? 

People find me intimidating because I’m confident, intentional, verbose, and organized. That’s how I like it.

I alternate between between our class emotional support animal and class cryptid, and it’s the most fun thing ever. I am both mom and monster muahahaha

gravel to tempo: have you come out to anyone? if yes, who was the first person you told? if no, do you want to? who would you tell first?

I don’t actually remember first coming out to anyone in particular. There was one time when my group of friends (3 other girls) and i were having a sleepover and they were all like, “we’re bi” and i was like “what’s that” and they were like “we like girls too” and i was like “cool. i mean, personally i think boys suck and look like potatoes carved by a toddler and when i entertain the notion of kissing or marrying one i would literally rather eat sandpaper for the rest of my life, but cool” and they were like “how are you so comfortable with this? a lesbian GOD!” and i just went with it.

(for the record, it wasn’t a trendy thing and they were really scared and all felt really gross about it bc their religious families taught them that being gay was wrong and didn’t talk about bisexuality at all so i went out and did some research and came back and assured them that everything they were feelign was valid and okay and we were really safe spaces for each other in that shitty middle school time when everything is just awful. nothing but love and respect for my first priestesses and bi babes!)

pretty girl: who was the most recent crush you had? do you still like them? did you tell them/do you want to tell them?

(see sleepover. this song is also on the playlist.)

what i need: who are your favourite gay artists? what are your favourite gay songs?

Well, Hayley Kiyoko (obviously), Janelle Monae, and King Princess are the big ones. I’m always open to hearing more! Honorable mentions to “Know Your Name” by Mary Lambert, “Crimson and Clover” by Joan Jett, and the soundtrack of Fun Home (even though it’s got some problematic things with predatory gays) because I cry every time I listen to it, especially on “Changing My Major”, “Days and Days and Days”, and fuckin “Telephone Wire” (“Come to the Fun Home” is a whole bop. Only gay in that I, a certified gay, enjoy it.)

ease my mind: what makes you feel at peace? what is your perfect future like? what do you do at the end of a long day to unwind?

Reading, writing (in theory lol), drawing, and singing relax me (dance too, but I’m not allowed to do it anymore cuz I’m broken). I also recently started teaching myself the guitar.

I don’t really have a set perfect future, but honestly, I’d take one in which we avoid nuclear winter, world war III, and climate change. The more I think about growing up, the more skeptical I become about whether I’ll actually get to do it and that’s insanely scary.

let it be: who was your worst heartbreak? have you ever been in love? do you even believe in love?

TW: suicide

One of my best friends (⅓ of my nervous bi darlings) ended her life almost two years ago. So that fuckin’ messed me up.

I don’t know. Usually, I’d say I think I’m kind of young to really even know how, but that’s not quite true. I guess I’ll say that I have loved but I haven’t yet been in love. Theoretically speaking, there’s so much of my life ahead of me that the probability of having that experience so early, especially with a limited romantic pool (being a queer poc in the south), is low.

And I’ve just recently fallen in love with myself, thus heightening my standards. I’ve been awful about getting into relationships in the past because i was afraid of saying no and hurting that person’s feelings, but lately i value my own happiness above the appeasement of others to my detriment. I just feel like I’m still learning and getting comfortable in that space, and the opportunity hasn’t really presented itself yet. But i think that it’s possible, someday. I’m a hopeful hopeless romantic.

cliff’s edge: what’s on your bucket list? where would like to travel? what makes your heart race?

I want to try everything at least once. I want to learn how to be the truest, most fully-realized version of myself I can. I don’t have a set list of life, I just hope it will be some kind of spectacular.

I want to see the world. Everywhere. But beyond that, I want to be a part of it. I want to be a true global citizen, experience a life past myself every day. I dream of having the freedom to continuously explore and grow in hopes of doing some good, internally or externally, along the way.

he’ll never love you: were you ever in denial about your sexuality? were you ever in denial of a crush? do you like to talk about your crushes to your friends?

Not denial, per se, I just didn’t know what was going on. It was a pretty straightforward, comfortable call once I had the information I needed.

I’m able to employ logic in most situations and strip myself of an unwanted crush using that, but most i’m aware of and suffer in silence.

Yesss. I’m bad at making those kinds of decisions by myself and having people who genuinely care ask me questions or even just talk to me about it helps me process. Often, this results in being teased about said crush, but I don’t mind.

wanna be missed: how dependent or independent are you in a relationship? do you like a lot of space, or a lot of intimacy? how do you feel about electronic (vs face to face) communication?

Ummm, I kinda tend to lead, just because that’s what I’m accustomed to. It’s a role I fill because everyone else avoids it in the other arenas of my life, so I’ve mostly been independent and directing in my relationships. This last one actually threw me for a loop because the dynamic was flipped; they were so sweet and thoughtful and proactive in romancing me i didn’t really know what to do with myself. I’ve gotten over the initial shock (now, what, 5? 6 months later?) and found that I liked that too.

I like a healthy balance of distance and closeness. Fun fact: my love languages are quality time and physical touch, so when i’m with someone i pretty much just want to cuddle with them all the time. I don’t know, it really depends on the person and the relationship and whatever is going on with me individually.

I’m cool with digital communication, but i’m also a granny when it comes to technology so I can have a little trouble with more nuanced text/social media culture. Also, my phone is always on silent (not even vibrate, because i’m wacky like that) so if you want an immediate answer, face-to-face is better. Also the physical touch thing, also that way i can read expressions better.

Bonus: i can also hold your hand and kiss your cute face!

under the blue/take me in: are you happy where you are right now? if you could change one thing about your life, what would it be? what’s your favourite aspect of yourself?

I mean, I’d rather not be in constant debilitating pain, I (apparently) have some tangling with anxiety i need to do, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I’m a lot better than I have been, and I’m grateful for that. I don’t know if true happiness is a consistent, determinable state, but I take what I can get.

I don’t think there’s one big thing I would change. It’s more like a handful of small things. But if I had to choose, I’d fix whatever is wrong with my spine/neck/whatever. I feel like I’m on the cusp of my life finally beginning and I’m trapped by something as trivial as my body. It’s exhausting and I really need it to be over. It feels selfish, but I could do the most good for myself and others if I could put this behind me.

Favorite aspect of myself? That’s like asking me to pick a favorite book! Or child! Impossible: that’s a trick question. Sure, she’s a batshit, messy bitch, but I love myself. She and I are in it for the long run. ;)

palace: who is your favourite memory? what’s your favourite story with/about them? why don’t you two speak anymore?

The first girl I ever loved is mostly a memory now. It’s hard to pick a favorite story about her, but our first kiss story is pretty soft and gay, kind of like something out of a fairytale or a tropey fic, so I guess I’ll say that.

We had just finished seventh grade. 

Some background: That April, we went to D.C. for our annual class trip. There were ten of us and only four girls, so we all shared a hotel room (and they were roommates!) We split the beds (we’d all known each other for seven years, it was just like sharing with a sister) and stayed up super late, intermittently playing truth or dare and talking about life. She and I philosophized into the early morning (there was only one bed!!), she told me she liked me, and I fell asleep before I could do anything about it. Apparently, we ended up cuddling, because when I woke up, i was warm because she’d wrapped around me (and drooled down my collarbone, but whatever).

Okay, so, every spring, after graduation, our school had a picnic at the park down by a shallow length of the river where the kids would swim after lunch. We hadn’t done anything about our feelings yet, and I was leaving for another school. She took me around the bend in the river and we swam into the basin there. She wasn’t as strong a swimmer as I was, so she put her arms around my neck, and I held us both up in water deeper than both of us were tall. She said she was going to miss me, and then she kissed me. For a while.

Then, we saw a snake and frantically flailed to shore, laughing until our lungs hurt.

We don’t talk anymore because she became mentally unstable soon after that, and it wasn’t safe for either of us to continue interacting. I’ve seen her a few times since, but I don’t anticipate that we’ll ever be that close again, and that’s okay.

mercy/gatekeeper: what was a difficult time in your life? what did you do/what are you doing to get through it? who has been the most helpful?

&

molecules: have you ever lost anyone close to you? if yes, how did it feel at the time and how does it feel now to talk about them? do you fear death?

TW: suicide

One of my childhood best friends killed herself in the first month of our freshman year. It was totally out of the blue, and the timing was absolutely horrible. I was just getting everything I wanted, I was having the time of my life and then everything just stopped in its tracks. Except it didn’t. The world kept turning and she was gone and I had lab reports due and she was gone and there were play rehearsal and holidays and deadlines and life incessantly barreling forward and she was gone. I woke every morning with a pit in my stomach, I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat. It was like something had been cut open inside me and life was just pouring out behind me but I couldn’t feel any of it. And no one else around me seemed to care. Every day I felt like I was dying. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe, and everyone else had a smile on their face and laughed like it was nothing and complained about stubbing toes and bad grades and fighting with their parents.

I don’t really know how I got through it. I mean, I went to therapy, but it didn’t really help. I couldn’t talk to people about it, even when I wanted to. I couldn’t cry for the longest time. I wrote about it some. I left her voicemails. I raged through glass recycling. I guess I just trudged on, dragged myself onward because stopping wasn’t an option. Because if I did, even for a moment, I wouldn’t have enough strength to start again.

I’m better now, I guess. I can talk about it and her and I feel mostly human most days, but it’s still a presence in my life I wish I could escape. I still don’t know where they buried her.

I do not fear death.

one bad night: do you like casual or serious relationships? have you ever done anything illegal, wrong, or stupid for the sake of love?

Hoo boy, I’m bad at casual relationships. I get too attached (*feelings plays in the background*), and it becomes serious. Oddly enough, it doesn’t really scare people away. The older I get the further I’ll probably get from playful dalliances, but every once in a while, as the stakes are low, I’m down for just having fun and enjoying someone’s company.

palm dreams: do you like parties or quiet nights in? would you want to/did you stay in your hometown after moving out? what’s your ideal saturday night like?

I am an introverted smol, and big parties make me nervous. I can handle and even enjoy the odd bash here and there, but too many too often wears me out. Smaller groups are better, but my favorite size is a book or maybe one other human.

Nooooooo, man, I am going to college out of state, far away, and I am not moving back here. I love my city dearly, but I need to find my own corner of the sky. :)

I love a night at the theatre, preceded by a quiet dinner with a couple close friends and followed by something sweet, some tea, and reading a good book with my feline.

Catherine Russell Interview for Diva Magazine June Edition

”WHEN IT COMES TO WHAT OUR BODIES LOOK LIKE, WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OURSELVES?”

When Catherine Russell announced her temporary departure from BBC medical soap Holby City, queer fans were in uproar. Together with Jemma Redgrave, she was half of the monumentally popular ship Berena – otherwise known as Major Bernie Wolfe (Redgrave) and Russell’s toughas- nails but impeccably stylish Serena Campbell. But while Serena was on a sabbatical, grieving the death of her daughter and making her beloved Shiraz in a French vineyard, Russell was delighting audiences in Joe Orton’s black comedy What The Butler Saw and taking a road trip around Europe. Now, Serena Campbell is back on the wards and about to be reunited with Bernie, but for how long? Catherine sat down with DIVA to talk feminism on the Holby wards, Serena’s coming out arc, and whether Bernie’s brief return to Holby means an end to Berena – or a whole new beginning.

“I’m very, very lucky in that Serena isn’t a one-trick pony… She’s not just the one canvas. So I get to do a bit of comedy sometimes. Sometimes I get to do a bit of angst with storylines like my mother having vascular dementia, and then the tragic storyline of Serena’s daughter dying. I get to do that. Then of course I get to do romance too.”

It’s the romance that totally hooked viewers to the already-popular soap. Serena and her leopard print scrubs were already established as a fan favourite, and then Jemma Redgrave brought her following from Doctor Who. The combination of two professional women in their 50s teaming up and supporting each other would have won audiences over even without the romance.

In fact, Holby now seems like a hotbed of feminism, which delights Russell. “When I first joined, there was basically me and Jac Naylor, and that was it really. Everybody else was either a nurse or an F1 (foundation doctor).

Now we’ve got a really fabulous strong team of women of a certain age, holding down positions of power and authority, and doing it really well. And also doing it without necessarily all bitching at each other. I’ve always said we mustn’t fall into the stereotype that because there are women in positions of power, they have to be competitive with each other. It’s just been done to death. I don’t believe it, I don’t buy it. That’s not what I see in my day-to-day life.”

Although she is back for good on the show – “That is if Holby want to keep me of course. Every year we have a new contract. It’s not a done deal, but if they do, I think I’d like to be there for a good few years to come yet” – Redgrave isn’t slated to return beyond the few episodes they have in the can. Which sounds a bit ominous for our favourite queer lady surgeons, right? “Basically Bernie comes back as a surprise, wanting to persuade Serena that it’s time for her to go back out and help set up the new trauma unit. Which needs two heads because it’s so huge. That’s essentially where we’re at, and Serena wasn’t expecting her at that point.”

Although the relationship has had to take place offscreen since Serena’s return, the show’s writers have made a conscious effort to keep it alive. But how sustainable is that? “I think up to that point it’s been tricky. I think they’ve tried very hard to do this long-distance, and I’ve think they’ve probably succeeded better than most people do at it, because of the age they are really… But it’s not easy, and I think some of the communication where Bernie’s been has been difficult as well. It hasn’t been straightforward; there hasn’t been great phone signal and stuff like that.

“There’s absolute delight from Serena that suddenly she’s there, but she turns up on a day that’s extremely busy with a very difficult operation that has to be done. So it’s tricky. I think people will really like it because it’s two episodes, and it’s a real rollercoaster. It’s an emotional rollercoaster but I’m pretty sure that people will be very happy with its outcome.”

Hear that, Berena fans? We can all release that breath we’ve been holding. Probably. Either way, Russell was delighted to be working with Redgrave again. “You never can tell with another actor, even if it works, whether there’s that sort of extra spark that’s undefinable.

It’s difficult. It’s a bit like mercury, you think you’ve got it one minute and you can explain it, the next minute it’s gone. There’s a certain amount of extremely friendly rivalry insomuch as the old adage, that if you want to learn how to play better tennis, well, play with somebody who’s a bit better than you. I think that quite often that’s part of the reason we work well together – because she’ll do a bit in a scene and I’ll think, ‘Bloody hell, that’s good. Ok, better up my game’. Then she’ll look at me and go, ‘Oh, I see. That’s good, I’d better up my game then…’ But there is also the air between the two of us that is difficult to explain. There is definitely something chemistry-wise that works.”

”WE’RE CONSTANTLY TOLD BUYING THINGS WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY. IT WON’T. IT’S BULLSHIT”

Although this isn’t Russell’s first time locking lips with a woman onscreen – she played Rachel in lush wartime period drama The Cazalets in the 1990s – the plot line quickly transformed her into a lesbian icon and she’s since appeared with Redgrave on the convention circuit to the delight of fans. Was she surprised by the way fans embraced the relationship?

“It would be disingenuous of me to say that I wasn’t. I was surprised at the strength of feeling, and I was surprised by the numbers. That’s just my ignorance more than anything else. I hadn’t really clocked how bad gay representation is, particularly for women. I have to put my hands up to that. So I hadn’t really understood quite how impassioned and important it was going to be. But as soon as I did, I was delighted.”

She’s determined to use her platform, both on social media and on Holby itself to talk about issues that affect women, particularly older women. “I’m slightly banging my drum at the moment, saying we should do a storyline about menopause, because that’s another thing. You turn the television on, you listen to radio drama, anything. It’s not there. 50% of the population are going to go through this and there are no stories about it. It’s very bizarre. So I do think that issues that aren’t seen and aren’t written about, and there’s a great chunk of the population that are going through certain issues, are vitally important.”

In a profession where women are constantly told they need to look young in order to work, Russell surprised viewers when she returned from her hiatus with grey hair. “I knew I had the nine months off. I knew I would need a wig for What The Butler Saw. I knew nobody would give a monkey’s what I looked like in a van. So I cut it all off, really short, just before I went into the play and I just let it grow out. I’ve been dyeing my hair since I was 28. I had no idea what was under there. I quite like it. When I came back to Holby I think that the producers were a bit…ok, really? Grey? But when I showed it to them, they liked it. At the moment, that’s where it’s staying.

“I really just don’t get the obsession with trying to look younger than you are. I get being thin, I get being fit, I get not wanting to have spots. I get all that, but the obsession with wanting to look younger, I find curious and I don’t really get it. I don’t want to have any more children, why do I want to look like I’m fertile still? It would be weird.”

She’s also passionate about a subject near to the hearts of many LGBT women – vaginas. A Twitter defence of the “full 1970’s bush” a few years ago is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to her one-woman crusade to normalise women’s pubic hair. “I think it’s there for a reason, you know? It’s healthy, it’s good for you, it should be there. The porn industry has a lot to answer for when it comes to what our bodies look like, in terms of hair and the whole designer vagina area of things. Again, really? What are we doing to ourselves? Come on, people. It’s very strange.”

Her current reading is The Wonder Down Under: A User’s Guide To The Vagina, and when she says she’s thinking about buying copies to leave on public transport, you don’t get the sense that she’s joking. “My daughter read it and she thought it was quite academic. I said, ‘Well, good’.

‘Medical’ was the word she used [and] that’s exactly what people need. For young women and young men, there are so many myths and notions of what’s normal and not normal out there. Actually, what we need are a few facts.”

Although Russell confesses she enjoys the fame that Holby brings – “If you’re going to be an actor, you can’t be cross if somebody wants to come up and say, ‘We really like watching you, please could you sign this photograph?’ It’s part and parcel, and it’s fun” – she’s refreshingly unstarry. Three months spent travelling around Europe with her husband in a van saw her embracing a minimalist lifestyle she’s reluctant to let go of.

“That was absolutely one of the most extraordinary things I’ve ever done. It really, really was, and if anybody has the opportunity, take it. Those moments in your life don’t come along very often, and it was absolutely a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and has stayed with me a huge amount.

Not least of which because I realised that we don’t need a hell of a lot of stuff. We think we do, and we think it’s important. We’re constantly being told to buy things, and it’ll make you happy if you own this dress or that pair of shoes. It won’t. It’s bullshit, and actually I could have done it for longer. Coming back to a house with all the stuff in it was difficult because I’d just spent three months never wearing make-up, never putting a brush through my hair really. Just having three sets of clothes to change into. It was just great. I loved it.”

So are we going to lose Russell to the road – or, after her hilarious turn in What The Butler Saw, the stage? Not likely, she says. “I had forgotten how arse-wettingly terrifying live theatre is, as I hadn’t been on stage for about five years. It’s a bit like having a baby. You hear people have a baby and they go, ‘I’m never doing that again’. Two years later they’re going, ‘Oh I’m going to have another’.

Have they forgotten? I think theatre’s a bit like that. You forget that it’s frightening and it’s hard work and all of those things. I do love to make people laugh, and so to hear an audience laughing at something you’ve said or done, or a turn of the head, was gratifying to say the least. But I didn’t get to the end of it and think, ‘Right that’s it. I must be on the stage forever, I’ve made a clanging error in agreeing to go back to Holby’. At all. In fact, I thought ‘Well that’s that itch scratched for a while. Jolly good, get me back to the hospital please.’”

So there you have it – Holby City won’t be saying goodbye to Serena Campbell any time soon. Russell is tight-lipped about how that will ultimately affect Berena, but it’s hard not to be glad that the formidable surgeon will be stalking the wards for a long time to come.

Still, if she ever decides to take her feminist politics to a bigger platform, she’s got our vote.

20 Favorite Books of 2020 Recommendation List!

Phew, 2020 is about to end. What a year, isn’t it? It’s been a long, tiring and bad year all round for a lot of people in different aspects and reading is a way for all of us to escape our realities. I’ve never had a year like this at all, in terms of my reading habits. The lock downs and time off from school allowed me to read probably the number of books in my entire childhood in less than a year. I read 100+ books this year, varying in pages and formats but it still surprises me that I managed to read that much. This probably won’t happen again in the coming years because of college and etc but I had a good time reading. So, I thought I would share some of my favorite books/series’ that I’ve read this year and give a short description/opinion on it. Hope something catches your eye here! 

side note:

most of these fall under the fantasy category but there are some other genre’s too like romance/contemporaries/non-fiction

the books are listed only based off their category and not in any specific preference order but if you’re interested to see a review/rating on it you can visit my Goodreads profile.

 1. Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

Do you enjoy reading fantasy books with powerful female protagonists? Do you like dragons? How about a queer F/F pairing as the main couple within the story? Priory of the Orange Tree was a book which I didn’t expect I would enjoy when I read the first few chapters. It’s a book that requires quite a bit of commitment considering the sheer page count of it (though if you read any Stormlight Archive it shouldn’t be a problem) but I grew on the plot line and characters after a bit. There’s classic tropes thrown in here and there but what made me enjoy it was that it focuses on female characters as the heroes rather than male ones. Don’t get me wrong though, I enjoy some books with male-centered characters too but it’s nice to see some good ol’ fantasy with protagonists I can identify with. 2. Beyond the Ruby Veil by Mara Fitzgerald 

The first book of a series(unsure how many books atm), this debut was just a fun read. I love strong and rule-defying characters and this book gave us just that and more. Although I think the storyline might be a bit bumpy for me, I found that this book perfect for my reading slump and I really liked how it ends too. It might be worth waiting till 2021 to read this because the ending is pretty cliff-hangery in my opinion. I’m hopeful for the sequel to be even better because there are hints of a slow burn, enemies to lovers(F/F) pairing for this one! 3. Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan

This was one of my earliest reads of 2020 and I really enjoyed it. The premise of the story is not one I’ve seen before in YA books and it should appeal to many readers. In a world where the ruling king ‘captures’ beautiful women from around the nation to be made his concubines, we follow Lei as she experiences all of that and her journey in going against everything. This is the 1st book out of 3 and its definitely a strong start to a series. There’s some great topics touched upon that is great for discussion like sexual-abuse and the aftermaths of it. Romance(F/F) also plays a big part in this book so if you’re into fantasy + romance that is done well, add this to your long TBR list! 4. Crier’s War by Nina Varela

Another debut book but this time make it sci-fi! Crier’s War is a fast-paced book set in an era where Automae(robots?) are the rulers and humans are their servants. It’s about how a female Automae, Crier, goes against her father’s opinions about the humans and basically overruling all the norms of Automae being prejudiced. It’s hard to describe the book much without spoiling but this is 1/2 of a duology and the second book picks up right where the 1st ends so make sure you read that too because it gets even better in its sequel!  5. The Weight of the Stars by K. Ankrum

Sometimes all I want is a quiet, character-driven book. This checked off those wants for me in the best ways. In a story where I believe focuses more on character relationships, I found that I enjoyed this more than I thought I would. It’s a comfort read packed with some occasional twists and the writing style is immaculate! The book is about how two misfits get entangled into each other’s business when an accident happens to one of them. It’s a slow burn(F/F) romance which I think was written very well and the characters had good chemistry. This includes their other friends in the circle too which is nice to see! 6. Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir 

If you want to read a different kind of fantasy/sci-fi book, you’ll have to check GtN out! It’s a humor-filled necromancy book with great characters and such an interesting premise. The 1st out of 3 books from The Locked Tomb Trilogy, GtN follows a murder-mystery plot line, similar to And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie but much more fun of course. The main character is also a lesbian which is always nice to see more of in the crowded space of books. Make sure you check out Harrow the Ninth too after GtN because that picks up right after this one and is so different but still does an incredibly good job of hooking readers in. 7. The Poppy War Series by R.F. Kuang

The Poppy War series holds a special place in my heart. I binged all 3 books this year and let me tell you this: I usually find sequels in a series to become less interesting/loses its magic but this is definitely not the case for this. With a very different setting from what we usually see in the fantasy genre, TPW is set in ancient historical China and the books are heavily influenced by real events that happened before. It’s a grim-dark type of series for sure and the protagonist, Rin, is sort of morally-grey in many ways which made it a much more compelling read to me. The final book for me was and iis one of the best ways I’ve seen a writer end a series. If you’re looking for a fantasy series with a fascinating magic system with a grim-dark plot, you’re up for a treat here! 8.  To Be Taught, If Fortunate by Becky Chambers

I rarely read novellas but when I do, they usually leave me fairly unsatisfied at the end because I find them to be hard to connect to because of its length. To Be Taught if Fortunate is another book which I would describe as ‘quiet’ and just overall a comforting read. It’s hopeful, filled with a diverse group of characters which is always welcomed in the books I read. I think one of the best parts of the book is the way its written which had a very soothing feel to it. It’s hard to describe but reading this made me really interested in reading other works by the author. The ending is also excellent too and leaves you thinking for a while. 9. A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine

Is political intrigue something you enjoy in your books? Do you like your characters interestingly named like Six Helicopter or Three Seagrass? How about analytical banters/discussions between characters about language? If that’s so, AMCE is a space-opera that will check all those boxes. Seriously, this is a well-built world with fun characters and I loved them so much! There will be a sequel coming out early next year but the book ends with a fairly satisfactory ending so you can jump into this without a commitment to the series (a duology if I remember correctly). 10. The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson

The 1st book out of a currently 6 book series(with more to come), The Final Empire is an action-packed, female-lead book in a world where slavery still exists. The magic system here is one of the more interesting ones I’ve seen too. The thing about Sanderson books is that they are typically written in a straightforward, non-prosey, type of style. I appreciate that especially right after reading a book filled with purple-prose and I think this added to my enjoyment, for sure. In a fairly long first book, the world building here was done well and I think it does a good job of not pushing everything into your face all at once and instead, builds the world up slowly in different interactions between the characters. Although a tad bit cheesy, especially when it comes to the romance, I enjoyed this greatly and will probably continue with the rest of Era 1 in 2021. 11. We Are Okay by Nina LaCour

I’ve read a few of LaCour’s work but I still find myself enjoying this the most. When I read contemporaries, I like characters who I can identify with and drives the story well. In a fairly short novel, the book made me cry several times and I still think about the book once in a while nowadays. The story centers around Marin’s relationship with her grandfather and her best friend Mabel. There’s a mystery regarding her grandfather which is the main plot line of the book but its definitely a more character-driven type of book for sure. It’s a book where you’ll need to read it to understand the hype surrounding it so try this one out if you’re in a mood for an emotional contemporary with good mental health representation.

12. The Falling in Love Montage by Ciara Smyth

The Falling in Love Montage is hands down one of my favorite romance novels that I had read recently. It’s funny, romantic and also touching in all sorts of ways. The main character is a queer,sarcastic mess which frankly, I relate to a whole lot. It’s a book to read if you like your romance novels not entirely very light but also pulls on your emotional strings when you’re reading it. The writing style is also commendable for sure for a debut! I’m very much looking forward to future works from this author for sure. 13. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

I rarely read historical fiction but when I saw this recommended in a Goodreads article/list, I was intrigued! This is one that surprised me a lot just cause of how it all ties together at the end. Some things didn’t feel very relevant at first but once  it was revealed, I couldn’t contain my surprise. Also, Evelyn Hugo as a protagonist was such a delight to read about! She’s an empowering woman who’s ambitious and did a lot of things to achieve her goals and she’s an amazing role model in that and many other regards. Besides that, I think this also had great representation on bisexuality too and Madam Evelyn will always remain as one of my favorite fictional bisexual queens! 

14. Loveless by Alice Oseman

It’s rare to have a book which includes asexual characters in general and it is even rarer to find a book with the topic of asexuality as a whole be the main theme of it. Loveless was such a delightful and insightful read into a character who although I don’t identify with, I could understand her frustrations a lot. This is a book about self-discovery and accepting oneself and one another for their identity and I think the author did a great job tackling this topic. If you’re looking for a contemporary book to diversify the type of characters you read about, Loveless is a good choice.

15. You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson

If you liked books such as The Falling in Love Montage, You Should See Me in a Crown is another you should definitely try! This light and fun romance(F/F) follows Liz and her journey trying to win her school’s prom. It’s a great title to pick up if you’re in a middle of a reading slump because of it’s pacing and it’s overall just a book I enjoyed a lot. 

16. Written in the Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur

Do you sense a pattern here? I love reading these light-hearted queer romances which doesn’t go through a series of stressful moments like coming out or homophobia etc. It’s important for books to have representation like that because it still exists and needs to be acknowledged but taking a break from that feels good too. Written in the Stars is an adult romance novel which I can see being a Hallmark-type of cheesy movie for sure and for good reasons! It has all those tropes that people love, enemies-to-lovers(sort of), fake-dating and the whole refusal of feelings for each other even though it’s obvious to the reads type of stuff. Hoping to see more adult romances like these in the future! 17. Who I Was with Her by Nita Tyndall

Who I Was with Her is an emotional roller coaster of a read, in a good way, of course. This book reminds me a lot of Hold Still by Nina LaCour mainly because of the way both the author’s dealt with the topics of death and grief. It’s a book that should be read when in a good mental-state as it might trigger some people as there are discussions on a character’s death. One of the main reasons I like this book is how the main character dealt with her attachment to her ex-girlfriend and her associating running with their relationship. It was a book that was difficult to get through but ended with a meaningful tone.

18. They Never Learn by Layne Fargo 

I love empowering and strong female characters. Even when they’re kind of morally-ambiguous like Scarlett Clark. A woman who goes around killing men who sexually abuse others? Sign me up for that heroic Killing Eve shit! In all serious notes though, this was a great read and I loved the whole alternating viewpoints which seems unrelated at first but ties together well at the end. It’s not exactly super thriller-y like its advertised but its for sure a character-driven book with a bonus romance(F/F) plot too plus bisexuality rep! So if you want to read about a kick-ass lady and don’t mind some murder involved in your books, read this ASAP! 

19. One Life by Megan Rapinoe

I’m not a soccer fan or anything like that but Megan Rapinoe’s advocacy for the LGBTQ+ community and racism intrigued me about her. I listened to this over a few days and I think anyone that wants to have an insight/experience with topics like sexism in the soccer industry, sexuality and racism, this is a must-read. I didn’t find her to be self-flattered or anything like that which I have encountered in some memoirs and I respect her humbleness a lot. 

20. Becoming by Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama’s memoir, Becoming, was an incredibly fascinating read about her life from her childhood to becoming the First Lady of America. I found her writing to be pleasant and flows very well for a memoir too. It’s a fairly long read but I enjoyed learning about all these experiences she’s had such as her time being a lawyer and her life when Barack Obama, decided to run for president. It gave me a different perspective on her and I have new profound respect for her so much as a person. 

WEBCOMICS

I think I broke my links page with too many links, so it’s about time I made a rec post for some of my favorite webcomics! MAYBE YOU’LL FIND SOMETHING NEW TO LOVE.

This will always and forever be an incomplete list as I am always finding/looking for more stuff to read. I’ll probably reblog it every so often when I add more.

COMPLETE: Lady of the Shard by Gigi D.G. - I still haven’t gotten to Cucumber Quest but you had better believe I read this the day it came out. Follows a temple acolyte who is in love with the goddess she serves, and all the complicated turns of events that come out of this. Drawn in a loose, experimental pixel art style that makes it all the more immersive to read. The Less than Epic Adventures of TJ and Amal by E.K. Weaver - Eisner-nominated gay roadtrip romance you’ve probably already heard of. Some of the best character acting I’ve ever seen. The Muse Mentor by Amy King - Artistic muses (and one vague notion) try to find their purpose on the astral plane, which happens to look sort of like a cute fantasy version of San Francisco. A sincere and kind-spirited read, highly recommended if you struggle with feeling adrift and inadequate. Also, many drawings of delicious-looking food. Power Ballad by Molly Brooks - I just started this but it’s really fun and funny. A masked vigilante/pop star’s personal assistant develops a crush on her boss. It’s gay, it’s got superheroes, and it’s complete! IN PROGRESS: Agents of the Realm by Mildred Louis - I had a couple false starts getting into this one, not having grown up on Sailor Moon, but then I picked up the first volume at a con and I’m really enjoying it. The unclear, complicated intentions of the mentor figure(s) are intriguing, and I love how the artist draws faces, especially funny reaction faces. Alice and the Nightmare by Misha Krivanek - A magical uni/boarding school piece with super cute art, compelling mysteries, and a Lewis-Carroll-inspired world that’s fresh and fun I.E. not another Hot Topic rehash. FINALLY. Away to Nowhere by Ezra Shape - Monsters and magical beings adapting to life in our world (or a world like ours)--currently just scratching the surface of what seems like some really cool worldbuilding. Features Zio, my nonbinary dragon grandma. Balderdash by Victoria Grace Elliott - Cute coming-of-age witch adventures. Beautiful colors and a richly-textured world. FOOD. So much good food. Banquet by A. Szabla - [coming soon]

Beauty by Eric J. Lee and Rhiannon Rasmussen - From the about page: “Bugpunk Beauty and the Beast” and honestly WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED TO KNOW. Okay I’ll tell you some more: There’s a baroque alien bug civilization rendered in incredible detail. It’s gorgeous.  Blackwater by Jeanette A. and Ren Graham - Episodic supernatural comic set in the small fictional town of Blackwater, Maine. Just started, but the art is extremely polished, expressive, and atmospheric, and the characters are cute. Also it’s queer and full of monsters. Sold.

Brainchild by Suzanne Geary - Paranormal mysteries on a college campus with supremely cool monster designs and great art. The monsters: So cool. I also really like the attention to fashion details on the characters--you can tell a lot about each of them by how they present themselves. Demon Street by Aliza Layne - All-ages fantasy adventure starring queer kids with magic powers! Great use of vivid, saturated color to set otherworldly scenes. Excellent queerification of folkloric tropes.

False Edge by M. R. Shaw - Just started, but a long-awaited comics debut with fantastic art. Features adorable big-cat shapeshifters. Warning, it’s supposed to get nasty (there’s an advisory page with specifics when you start). Feast for a King by Kosmicdream - I just started this (”just started” = 300+ pages in) but HOLY CROW it’s one of the most bizarrely creative comics I’ve seen. Warning for like, unrelenting gore/body horror (and eventually monster sex I think?) Gotta admire the scope of this one. Galanthus by Ashanti Fortson - [coming soon] Goodbye to Halos by Valerie Halla - Fantasy/action-adventure with an all queer-and-trans cast! Huge-scale, trans-dimensional cosmic plot stuff. The art is supremely cute and the color design is fantastic. Harlowe Vanished by Amy King - A lonely teenage girl accidentally finds herself in some kind of oceanic fantasy world! Scary military stuff is going down! BEAUTIFUL scenic art and a colorful cast that we’re currently just getting to know. The latest from Amy, who did The Muse Mentor, rec’d above. Heirs of the Veil by Phineas Kaldinski and Jassy Klier - Urban fantasy with lots of cool magic, a queer cast, and amazingly detailed environments that feel lived-in and full of history. Can’t wait to see where it’s going. Hilga from Below by Val Wise - This just started but that means I’m COMPLETELY CAUGHT UP on the  archive and so far I can tell that it has: Excellent colors, a cute dog person, a fallen angel or alien or something, and some really unsettling stuff lurking under the surface. How to be a Werewolf by Shawn Lenore - Another one I just started, but really enjoying it so far. After twenty years of isolated lycanthropy, an urban werewolf is mentored by the first of her kind she’s ever met, amidst a mysterious lurking threat to their kind. Kidd Commander by Aria Bell - This is the most fun I’ve had reading a webcomic in a long time. Kidd Commander is an epic shonen-style adventure with an immensely likable cast. Seriously, I love every last one of the characters, and their perils and triumphs and misunderstandings hit me right in the emotions like a ton of bricks. I’m probably gonna cry at some point in this comic. I KNOW I’m gonna cry at some point in this comic. But it’s also hilarious, with really well-timed comedy beats and expertly deployed reaction faces. The world also feels HUGE and full of interesting lore. This is just one of those ones where you can tell it’s an absolute labor of love and the creator enjoys every minute of making it. I could gush about KC forever. But I won’t. This time. I’M DONE. Kids These Days by Noora Heikkilä - Fresh webcomic from the creator of Judecca and Letters for Lucardo, which, if you’ve read either YOU’RE FREAKING OUT TOO, RIGHT. It’s about a group of young adults in the eighteenth-century-flavored city of Osk, refusing to fit the molds society has created for them. And it’s already great. Killjoys by Woods - Criminal mayhem set in a squishy cartoon circus toyland. Had me at “Fluffy hot-tempered clown bunny with they pronouns, in a suit.” Something about this one speaks directly to my id. Kill Six Billion Demons by Tom Parkinson-Morgan - SPRAWLINGLY EPIC action-adventure in hell with vast-scale environments that will make you fall to your knees weeping. Also, like everyone in it is super hot and also a monster or some kind of divine construct. Violence. Lots of that. Larkspur by Grace Mulcahy - Post-apocalyptic action/crime/comedy piece centering on girl gang rivalries. Everyone is some kind of really cool-looking post-radiation mutant. Lush, vibrant colors set against dark comedy. Warning for some sex trafficking stuff at the start (not explicit) and general CRIME/VIOLENCE. Log Date by H. Kasof - [coming soon]

Monster’s Garden by Ash G. - Urban sci-fantasy about a misunderstood prizefighter (who happens to be a lizard-man) who just wants to be left in peace--but is suddenly faced with the challenge of caring about others and having them care about him. Full of cute and sympathetic characters. Monster Pop! by Maya Kern- Light and fun college dramedy with a cast of colorful monsters (and some humans), including a cyclops, gorgon, and witch. The art is super cute. Queer and trans characters! Never Satisfied by Taylor Robin - A group of flawed, complicated teens compete for a prestigious role that is basically something like State Wizard. The characters are SO GOOD, sympathetic across the board even when they’re being misguided jerks, and the comedy highs and dramatic lows are equally prime. The main character is nonbinary and they are my sweet, emotionally stunted child. Oglaf by Trudy Cooper and Doug Bayne - Everyone’s favorite bizarro-comedy-porn medieval fantasy comic. NSFW, as if I had to tell ya. Parhelion by R. Smith - Sci-fi adventure featuring a huge and hugely-gender-various (and queer) cast with a lot of choice trope subversions. The writing is super witty and I find myself laughing out loud a lot. Puu by Ashkay B. Varaham - An own-voices slice-of-life webcomic about gay/trans roommates and the people connected to them, set in India. Look, I am a huge goopy romantic and this comic has EVERYTHING that feeds my soul. The Sea in You by Jessi Sheron - Lonely, environmentally-conscious goth girl with a jerk boyfriend makes the acquaintance of a MUCH BETTER (girl?)friend in the shape of a mermaid. Another one with very cute art and an interesting, creative mermaid design. Everything teen me ever wanted in a comic. Warning for the boyfriend being an emotionally abusive jerk. String Theory by Dirk Grundy- Probably the comic I’ve been reading the longest. Sci-fi/post-apocalyptic/alternate history/crime stuff centering around morally sketchy characters on their path(s) to super villainy. The art is frigging phenomenal and the comic has been going for like, ten years so if you wanna see some art evolution, check it out. Laurence is my fave. Superpose by Kieran and Han - [coming soon] Unconvent by Emil N. Tót - Romantic historical fiction about queer nuns in eighteenth century Brazil! I like how simple and straightforward this comic is. We are promised happy endings. (Update: Unconvent is now on indefinite hiatus but the author has started a new comic, Dead Scholars’ Whispers) That’s it for now! Let me know if I screwed up any of the links or attributions.

some thoughts by a long term multifandom-dwelling, meta-enthusiast shipper who has been countless times baited, disappointed, lied to, and kicked in the face by writers and showrunners backpedaling and boycotting their own narrative, taking impossibly stupid decisions, and being overall dumb as fuck:

“canon” is a non-entity. or at the very least a fluctuating notion, especially in the case of huge franchises (think of m*rvel). canon is incessantly rewritten, challenged, distorted, contradicted by new material. think of the ha n-leia romance, how it was a happily ever after at the end of the original trilogy. think of it now. there are old fans who utterly rejected the new trilogy as something essentially extraneous to the star wars story; for them, han and leia are still living their HEA, han is still alive, ben solo was never born, and nothing bad happened. This remains true for them as long as they ignore the new material, whose canon validity is disputable, if you’re a “purist”. These characters aren’t real, they are the product of someone’s imagination, and literally the only thing that separates your canon from THE canon is that the latter is imagined by someone who happens to be in charge of the commercial version of story. When none of this is real, several things can be true at the same time.

i’ve come to terms with the fact that shipping as we intend it doesn’t operate on the same level of mainstream storytelling. Mainstream storytelling is usually black/white and pretty straightforward; shipping exists in the margins and between the lines. For most mainstream writers, “romance” has a very narrow meaning. Very specific stuff has to happen to create “romance” (kisses, sex, googly eyes. “I love you” “I know”). Shipping doesn’t need those things. The shipper gaze is inherently transformative. The real essence of shipping is taking things that aren’t intended to be romantic, and RUNNING WITH IT, changing them, developing them, making them romantic in a way that the wider audience wouldn’t understand, or wouldn’t have the patience to follow in depth.

this is why we saw things as the interrogation and the duel and our brain wheels were immediately set in motion to come up with a million exciting scenarios. If we had seen a romance unequivocally blossoming between these characters, most of us (me included) wouldn’t be so drawn to this pairing.

some of us don’t even like mainstream romance. When people are like “huh, why do you ship this crack pairing instead of the canon one?”, well, this is the reason. Some of us feel a sort of disconnection from standard romantic narratives (and that’s because they are usually written by straight, cis, male writers, and designed to appeal to a generic and primarily straight, cis, male fanbase with little imagination. star wars, I’m afraid, makes no exception.)

because of the above, and because the perception of what qualifies as romantic is deeply subjective, it makes even less sense to talk about “canon romance”. 

I can see two characters holding each other’s gaze for 10 seconds as more romantic than two characters having a long make out session. I can hear a “forgive me, rey” uttered in a mouthful of blood at the end of ix and read it as more romantic than a kiss. Get what I mean?

Lots of us, however, care for those kisses and for an explicit validation. It’s okay, of course. It’s completely okay and natural to want that to happen.

but, again, experience has taught me not to pin all my hopes on THAT. Thing is, the canon story isn’t under our control. It just isn’t. It’s in the hands of a bunch of professional writers we don’t know personally, who do this as a job, who might or might not be emotionally invested in the story they’re telling, who’ll move on new projects as soon as they wrap up this one, and who - i repeat - approach this stuff with a professional attitude (whether they’re good at it or not, it’s another issue), not an emotional one.

what is under our control is how we handle our fandom experience. The ship is ours, and we make what we want with it. Fanart, fanfiction, meta, headcanons. They gave us the basic bricks, we create the building. None of this is less valid than what happens in Rian Johnson’s or Colin Trevorrow’s head. They just happen to have a higher budget. At the end of the day, though, they’re creating a huge toy machine that we’re going to use as we like. 

the biggest ships EVER, the real fandom behemoths, are usually the ships that “never happened”. Why? because no male writer ruined them because their stories were not completed, and it’s a natural human instinct to want to complete a story. Which means fandom tends to gravitate, by default, towards those pairings that weren’t given closure, or were treated unfairly, or had a lot of sexual tension but no resolution in canon.  

I see a lot of (understandable) anxiety over what I’ll call “the j*hnlock fiasco* and LET ME TELL YOU ONE THING:

YES, the TJLC turned out to be a bunch of crap, but in the end, who ended up living in the same house, taking care of a child, and being FOREVER BROS? As someone who witnessed the whole thing from the sidelines, with no dog in this fight, I have zero doubt that Sh*rlock/Watson is, has always been, and was confirmed to be the central relationship of that show, and of that verse in general. The conspiracy theorists fooled themselves (and caused a lot of harm to both their followers, and those who disagreed), because they made it unnecessarily complicated, and pinned their whole understanding of “canon” on something very specific that they were repeatedly told wouldn’t happen. but regular shippers? I know a couple, and they were satisfied with what they got. (frankly, I loved the ending of Sh*rlock, because it left things open for EVERY shipper. I would LOVE for SW to pull a number like that. I wouldn’t feel cheated, at all.)

meta is great. as i said, I’m a meta enthusiast. But please remember that even the greatest meta is nothing but an attempt to make sense of things that remain largely outside of our purview, with limited information, no access to what is in the making, and no confirmation that the writers are actually as competent as said meta needs them to be. Enjoy the speculation. Don’t marry yourself to one. Be a speculation whore. No commitment, no regrets. Worst case scenario, it’ll be excellent fanfiction fodder. 

none of this is an admission that *re/ylo won’t happen in canon* or an encouragement to stop believing it will. This is simply my attitude towards shipping IN GENERAL, and—after countless disappointments—I though it might be helpful for others, too.

remember: 

in december, we’ll see these assholes battling AGAIN, and being intense again, and we’ll be obsessing over inane details and speculating and dissecting microexpressions and shit EXACTLY LIKE WE’VE BEEN DOING SO FAR.

sure, a lot of these things we obsess over might be completely accidental (it’s always good to keep it in mind)—but that’s part of the fun, in fact, it’s the WHOLE POINT OF SHIPPING.

TO CLARIFY:

(because I’ve seen some bizarre interpretations of this post)

while the shipping fanbase might be predominantly female and/or queer, this isn’t a rule. Contrary to what some media outlets and popular forums believe, SHIPPING ISN’T A GENDERED ACTIVITY, and I, for one, am ENDLESSLY PISSED AND FRUSTRATED at the constant, blatant misogyny and gatekeeping with which shipping and fanfiction are treated in mainstream fandom circles. The shipping fanbase is an extremely diverse group, composed by anyone with a more transformative approach to fandom (which isn’t in an either/or relationship with the curative approach, mind), anyone who, for whatever reason, might feel dissatisfied with or underrepresented by mainstream narratives, especially the very simplistic ones we normally see in blockbusters. At no point this post wants to reinforce sexist assumptions about shipping and fanfiction as inherently *female*. 

what I’m also NOT saying, is that we should just passively accept this divide between what we WANT to see and what mainstream fiction gives  us; that we should just suck it up and stay in our lane. No, fam, I’m just presenting the way things (I think) are in blockbuster fiction, and saying that SW is (probably) no different in that respect. But we should definitely fight to change this status quo, and make demands for more diverse, inclusive, non-standardized romantic narratives.