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lemon-wedges · 1 year

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Just wanted to ask (and feel free to not answer), but how do you draw so much so quickly? I'm always impressed by how fast you doodle or paint. Also, wanted to say that I appreciate your Barok and DGS art as a whole.

and with this ask i have finally reached an artist milestone 😭

Well theres a short answer and a REALLY long answer (which ill put under cut when i get there).

short answer: practice + refs

which.....can be an annoying thing to hear. And as someone who studies art and has bought a LOT of online courses trying to figure out how industry people can just churn out work like nothing. it feels like a let down every time i find out their big secret. just practice and photo refs. Every. Single. Time.

LONG ANSWER:

its how you studying your refs. heres how i do mine

sorry if this is rambly. but ill try my best to at least be clear. BUT THIS is the EXACT way i taught myself how to be quicker.

I do not know if youve taken any art classes but essentially one of the ways to study gesture drawing is by first tracing ur photo ref to get a sense of the flow/proportions of the body. youve probably seen a billion of these tutorials floating around:

So last year around hmmmm june/july? i was NOT looking to get better at my anatomy or gesture. i was actually trying to get better at clothes. but my problem was it took me so long to draw out a figure (which i was fine with cause i liked how my people looked at the time) that i could never really just focus clothing part.

So i told myself look. ur not looking to draw in this style like this forever. so for now SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY!!!! I WANT THE BAREBONES OF A HUMAN HERE TO MAKE A MANIQUIEN FOR CLOTHES OK

but how do i do that....

Im gonna use this piece as an example from my rise and yosuke fashion palooza month. FIRST u see i got all my photo refs together. i like those poses on the right and i want to switch out the clothes for the other ones i picked out. i trace out my poses. kind of like the tutorial up top but since this is about draping i was focused the exact places their waist/arms/legs/etc would bend.

and like the tutorial u turn off the photo ref and do a drawing based off that traced piece.

then i would turn on my refs and add on my clothes

And after a month of just doing that over and over and over. i was surprised to find that figures and poses were so much easier to understand when i would break them down like this. and once u get familiar with them the faster and more confidently you'll draw them.

I and still do this btw. heres my otasune from the last week

i used photo refs for all my sketches. if i cant find anything online to match what i want i just take photos of myself. and some might say well arent u just relying on reference TOO much?

AND AGAIN take it from someone who has spend a lot of money buying classes from their fav artists in the industry. The Secret of how they churn out so much cool work so fast always turns out to be this. practice and photo refs.

Every. Single. Time.(tho this is omitting a lot. im not getting into like they way they stylize their art work. that actually the fastest and funnest thing to do once u have ur base down)

Now PAINTING

The thing is, i dont actually post up all my work on this blog. So theres a ton of stuff you havent seen me do. These are some paintings i did 2 years ago for a class.

I already know how to pick my values and set up lighting. When you see me painting my figures now. i am not focused on learning these basics im actually just honing a technique.

you might see me post readmores with these kinds of wips. I lay in all my colors and lighting with the lasso tool. ALL THE MAJOR DECSIONS ARE DONE HERE

(the little miniature i add on the side basically tells me what the overall feeling is going to be when i blend in the lineart to be cohesive with my colors) ( also if you had any questions on my prepainting process tho. feel free to ask!!!)

and if you compare this wip to my finished piece youll actually find that i dont stray that far from what i've laid in.

everything happening at THIS stage is about feeling out how i want the textures to blend with one another and getting funky with some brush strokes.

and thats it? im not sure if any of this is helpful but if anything. i hope you come away from this feeling like what ive been doing here is nothing special. "THATS IT???? THATS ALL THERE IS??? well i could have done that :T"

exactly man. you can do ALL OF THIS aND MORE!!! I BELIEVE IN U :D

but ill let this be the last thing i leave u with my friend: my barok sketch and the refs i used for his boobies

#asks #ITS A LONG BOI #art advice #?

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fipindustries · 9 months

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Far away from everything

well, here we are at last.

i worked tirelessly as i read this story for 7 consecutive years every other month, going over it again and again, peering through its dense words and paragraphs, in order to share every thought i could muster about it as i read it because i knew my maind was probably not going to be able to observe it all in one grasp once i reached the end.

consequently i lavished praised over it, because this masterpiece is praise worthy. i concocted evermore exultant flattery, reaching paroxisms of fervent fanaticism scarcely seen outside of evangelist circles and fanfic spaces.

the result of this is that i might have ran out a bit of good things to say about this book and was left only with the things that i didnt like as much, which is a pity because is going to make it seem as if my final tally of this story is a negative one and it very much is not. you can pour all over the 14 pages in my blog under the almost nowhere tag, to see how highly i think of this work.

but, as ratleak dogmatizes, one must follow the straight and narrow path wherever it may take. so, with that said

the third section of this book is the weakest, im sad to say. you might have noticed if you follow my blog closely that as we neared the end i started to fall more and more behaind with the publication rythm of this story. you might have even noticed how long it took since it officially ended and the time i actually bothered to sit down and read it all.

i would say is too much of a good thing. that it hit the maximum it could reach in my scale of greateness and then after a while it became repetitive. i would go back to it every time and, oh surprise, here it is, the greatest work of fiction i've ever came across, still as great as ever.

rob said how he found the last section of this book the most tiresome to get through, how he had to push himself through a massive sense of anhedonia in order to get through it, how the only thing that motivated him was sheer responsability to his audience and his own desire to have a finished work. i was able to tell this.

the last section gets a bit repetitive and it drags. it became saturating in fact, emotions did not let go for 60k words, alarm bells and claxons constatly screaming "THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENT, THIS IS THE CLIMAX, THIS IS THE MOMENT EVERYTHING GOES DOWN" for the length of what would be a standard novel. it wears thin. i can only sit though so many scenes of Sylvester loosing all hope and doing some ultimate gesture of final doom and then grant or lucifer say something moving or touching or inspiring or naive and then sylvie whiplashes again into benevolent omnipotent mania.

i can read the word love only so many times before it kind of loses its impact a bit, before it starts to sound robotic and rote. i see, eleven, yeah you truly love everyone, i get it, and you too animals, and silvye too, anyone else feeling omnibenevolent today? please make a line so we can reach the ending in orderly fashion.

the stakes got a little lost for a while, and the scale and the mundanity under which this world operates felt flimsy. i dont want this to sound like the typical "aragorn's tax policy" critique but i was wondering a lot of the times "where do these people live? how do they get food? or supplies? does sylvie just wills it all from thin air? how is the world outside? where are the other humans? what are they doing? are there still cities out there? has there been disasters with all of humanity contained in crash pods somewhere in asia? what of the worlds infrastructure? its ecology? how much work are the shades doing or not doing as it were the case to maintain it all?"

it also felt all a bit too stagey, like the entire world was revolving around our small cast of characters in its own little stage and the rest of humanity and the shades and the everywhere heraver is loosely sketched out at best just so we know it exists but they are merely suggestions, just a nod to the idea that, yes there is a world outside of whatever the camera is immediatly watching, and there are people out there doing their own things. but in this it was rather similar to homestuck and i dont think im going to hold it too hard against it, even though it did bother me a bit in homestuck as well.

overall i would need to read some guide or some deconstruction or some analisis to fully appreaciate what really happened it the end, i think i managed to follow well enough to frankly it was a struggle at times and by the very end i was just nodding along in a "sure, whatever you say buddy" way just to get it over with.

many have said that, much like floornight is rob's evangelion and arguably northern caves is rob's house of leaves, this is definetly rob's homestuck and i guess it feels appropiate that it final stretch reflects hoemstuck's final stretch as well.

i would have liked a final epilogue where we get a well established final shot of our beloved characters doing their own thing for us to know that once this is done they will be fine enough. we sort of had that here but it sneaked up on me frankly. it was missing the classic nostalgebraist final chapter where its just dialog with no description where things take a more relaxed sensual tone and the atmosphere is that of an orgy about to begin or just having finished. (although such a thing might be redundant, one of these days im going to draft a graph depicting the insane polycule these people form, 27 sleeping with azad who slept with grant, who slept with cordelia who slept with 27, who slept with azad, who slept with 25, who slept with hector, and so on and so forth).

ultimatly these are all the kinds of things to be expected of a first draft, the masterpiece is still very much here, and regardless of what my opnions are on the final stretch, much like with worth the candle, everything that came before is made no less of a masterpiece for it.

this, out of everything ive read online, is the thing that i will move heaven and earth for in order to have a physical copy of, even if i have to print one myself.

still very much on the top 5 best books ive ever read in my entire life. still a show of what true great prose can be like, still the thing that did the things it did like no other thing did before. i can rest assured that in the oncoming years and i percolate more and more on it its flaws will receede into the realm of the irrelevant and its strengths will shine stronger than ever. cant wait to re read it all someday, this time all in one sitting.

a true 9/10

#almost nowhere #im sure a lot more thoughts will be percolating onto the surface in the oncoming days #but this will have to suffice for now #lets see what everyone else is saying

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corpsentry · 3 years

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january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

#my stuff

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whynotwinnie · 3 years

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Tímida: Roger Taylor x OC series

sorry guys i’ve been m.i.a. with second semester starting i’ve been stressing with class and all that but i had this chapter for awhile now and i decided to finish it. also i’m trying to work on “wounded” the kylo ren series but i fell into a bit of a writers block for that one. .-. i’ll work on it soon. but here is this roger taylor fic you can use ben hardy’s version of roger if you would like. :) thanks for reading.

MICKEY

Waking up groggy you checked your alarm clock, 12:00 in the afternoon you have definitely seen worse you groaned as you got up from your bed.

You had always followed a very specific routine in all honestly it just made sense living on your own had definitely impacted you and your mental health so sticking to a routine made it feel like your life was always on track, when it certainly was not.

The first thing on your non-existent schedule was coffee, no matter the time you always needed some sort of caffeine when you are tight on cash it was tea at home, but when you were able and that was most of the time you went to a small coffee shop that was about a fifteen-minute walk from your studio apartment.

After doing the basic self-hygiene you grabbed your tote bag filled with your work stuff and started walking to the directions to Beachwood Cafe.

The walk is always quiet and calm, but it always gave you little bits and pieces into other people’s lives. Like the old lady watering her plants or the way, the housewife takes her toddler for a walk in his stroller. The sense of familiarity comforted you.

“Hello there.”

You whipped your head toward the direction of the voice, this was not part of the routine you had never seen this man before, his shoulder-length blonde hair and ridiculously blue eyes were unfamiliar yet comforting. He was confident yet nonchalant with his greeting.

“Hello,” you said with a small smile he looked down at you smiling.

You continued to walk seeing Beachwood in the distance.

“Were you going to get a cuppa?” you nodded your head “That is so crazy because so was I.” he picked up his pace so he can open the door for you.

You muttered a small thank you and walked in, Beachwood was a small but very popular coffeeshop the owner Dayla has became a very good friend of yours and always brightened up your day with a joke or two.

“Mimi, how are you love?” she asked from behind the counter.

“I’m good Day how are you?”

“Can’t complain if I say so myself.” she said grinning “Let me guess Caffe Latte and a pastry?”

“Yes ma’am, it’s late in the day you didn’t run out of the pastries yet?”

“I just took out a fresh batch right now, I knew you were going to have a late start today.” God, you loved this woman.

You stepped aside to get your wallet from your bag

“What would you like young man?” Dayla asked the man who walked in with you.

“I’ll just get a cup of tea please, Oh! I’ll get her order as well” he said as he saw you handing money to Dayla.

“That’s okay!” you said feeling the heat rise to your cheeks.

“Please I insist.” He said practically throwing the money to pay for your order at Dayla.

“Please let me-”

“Mimi! he said he insists go sit down,” Dayla said looking at you wide-eyed.

You looked at both of them and walked to the seat you usually sat at and what a surprise the man came with you.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” he said motioning to the seat across from you.

“Go ahead,” you said

He sat down looking out the window and then back at you. “I’m sorry I realized I never introduced myself I’m Roger Taylor.” he said extending his hand out to you, you grabbed it.

“I’m Mickey… well it’s not really Mickey but it’s just easier to pronounce.” Stupid you should’ve just said Mickey.

“May I ask what your real name is?” Roger said still holding your hand

“It’s Mikaela but Mickey is fine.”

“Can you say it one more time, I want to make sure I got it right.” he rubbed his thumb across your knuckles.

“Umm… yeah it’s pronounced Me as in me and you, Ki like eye but with a K in front of it and Yella like yell with an A after… That sounded really complicated actually you don’t have to-”

“Mikaela?” he said slowly looking up at you for confirmation.

“Yeah!” your heart skipped a beat it is so nice hearing your name.

“Nice to meet you Mikaela” he said as he brought your hand up to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss on your knuckles.

Fuck.

Of course, at the exact same time as that happened, Dayla came with your drinks. She set your drink down smirking and left without saying another word.

“Is it safe to assume that you are not from here?” He asked while blowing on his tea before taking a small sip.

“Yeah, you can say that. What gave it away.” You said smiling from your coffee cup

“You’re just different from everyone not in a bad way either I like it. Where are you from.”

Oh god, I can die happy right now.

“Well, it's a bit of a long story.”

“I don't have anywhere to be.” He said his blues eyes burning into yours

Oh wow, he's so hot

“Oh in that case. I was born in a small town in Spain. Spanish was my first language so that’s why I talk funny.”

“I like the way you talk.”

He did not. Your face was definitely red.

“How does a girl from Spain come to London?”

“Ummm sheer luck I suppose.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure”

“Was it hard learning another language?”

“Learning English was super difficult sometimes I feel like I dont know what I’m saying, but English is my third language my second was Italian.”

“Italian? Where do you find the time to learn two extra languages?” He was genuinely in disbelief

“Well my mom was from Spain and my dad was from Italy so I just needed to know both and they’re pretty similar to each other so it wasn’t that hard.

“What do you do for fun?”

“What do I do for fun?” I repeated thinking hard

“Yes, you obviously must have loads of friends.”

“Well… I do have friends, I just can’t think of one at this second.”

This is embarrassing now he thinks I’m a loser

“Don’t worry I don’t have many friends either but consider me as your friend Mickey.”

“What about you? What do you do for fun?” I need to change the subject oh my god.

“Well, I’m in a rock band.”

“A rock band?!” You said a little too loudly

“What about me isn’t rock and roll Mickey?” he said laughing

“Not in a bad way of course you don’t seem like the type to be singing in front of a crowd,” I said shaking my head

“Well, I suppose you got that right I’m on the drums in the back so the audience can’t really see me anyways.”

“I’m sorry I’m not trying to make fun of you I just got caught off guard, does your band have a name?”

“Sm- Queen,” he said shaking his head.

“I like the name Queen, are you playing soon I would like to see what I’m missing out on.”

“We’re actually recording our first album right now, the recording place is not too far from here about a block or two further down. So we’re going on a small break until we’re done with the album but I believe the next one is in three weeks.”

“I’ll keep an eye out for it then.” You said sipping your coffee

“Actually I was hoping to see you earlier than that.”

You immediately choked on your coffee, making a scene by coughing into your napkin.

“That wasn’t the response I had hoped for,” he said passing you his napkin so you can wipe your tears with.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I wasn’t trying to be mean I just- well I would like to see you again as well.”

“Really?,” He said smiling, and you swear you could melt from his smile alone.

“Yes, of course.” You smiled back.

He then prompted to drink his cup of tea until it was finished and left money on the table.

“Great then I’m going to leave before I can mess up this perfect first moment. By any chance do you have a pen on you?”

You shook your head yes and looked through your bag handing it to him.

“This is my number, we’re recording until 6 today so anytime after that call me and I’d love to talk to you more.”

You felt your head spinning with how fast he was talking and moving.

He plucked your hand up and gave you a small kiss on it again, he then walked to the door before saying.

“Promise me you’ll call me,” he told you while he grabbed the door handle.

“I promise I’ll call you,” you said softly

“Perfect,” he said while he winked at you and then left.

He gave you one last look through the window and then left, once he was out of view Dayla came to the table.

“Who was that?” she said, collecting her tip that Roger left her.

“His name is Roger. I met him today.”

“Today! You’re joking.”

“I swear Dayla I met him minutes before coming here?”

“He can be a psychopath! And here you are chatting with him after knowing him for 30 minutes.”

That stopped you.

“He is not a psycho he was so nice and funny, and did you see how hot he is Day?”

“Yeah well murderers can be funny and hot.”

“Do you really think he’s a murderer?” you asked in a exsperated way.

“No, I was just kidding he is really hot and besides who would want to murder you?” Dayla said as she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Wow that doesn’t really make me feel better.”

She stood up grabbing Roger’s empty cup “Girl you know I was just playing I say go for it and have fun, anyone would be lucky to have you.” she bumped your shoulder with her hip and left.

Your mind felt overwhelmed with all the excitement from today you even almost forgot that you had some work orders to do you tried to push Roger from your mind as you grabbed your journal and sketchbook from your bag. You looked back at your notes reading on what your client wanted: a floor-length gown but not something too flashy something to show off their arms and their cleavage. Perfect. You spent your time designing the gown having fun with it since you probably wouldn’t have another gown piece for months. After finishing you went on to your smaller orders feeling yourself getting into the groove of things.

Looking up from your sketch you noticed how dark it got outside and how empty it now was in the cafe. You decided to call it a day, well that was until you go home, and then you would start making the gown. You noticed the clock when you were telling Dayla good night. 6:58 Damn time really flew by and then you remembered the number you had in your bag.

The walk home went by to fast your thoughts about what you would say to Roger once you called made you nervous to the point that your keys kept slipping from your hands as you were trying to open the door to your apartment.

You purposely threw your jacket on the phone hook so you didn’t have to see it and went to the bathroom you looked at your appearance baggy jeans, an oversize t-shirt that you also slept in, hair a mess, and no makeup. You shook your head, no way Roger was being serious about you calling him he was so much more put together and out of your league completely. You could just imagine all the beautiful women that he has been with, no way you could compare. You sighed walking out the bathroom ready to get started on your order. You grabbed the different fabrics you needed for making the gown and when you went to grab your sketchbook Roger’s number fell and slowly fluttered down to the floor like it was taunting you. You stared at the paper hard groaning when you opened it reading that he wrote “Roger <3” following his number. You did promise him you would call…

Your heartbeat picked up when you approached the phone dialing each number slowly wishing a catastrophic event would happen and end the world so you didn’t have to finish dialing. It didn’t happen. You put the phone to your ear and hear the first ring, and then the second. This was stupid calling him in the first place you removed the phone from your ear and were half a second away from hanging up when you heard “Hello?”

Shit.

You couldn’t just hang up now.

“Hello, is this Roger?”

“It took you long enough.”

#queen band #queen smut #queen imagine #rogertaylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor smut #roger taylor fanfic #queen imagines #borhap #borhap smut #ben hardy #ben hardy smut #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy fluff #queen fluff

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katherinewilliams221b · 3 years

Text

For A Greater Good Fun Facts and Self Assesment (spoilers)

Long Post

What worked and what didn’t:

I think the overall structure worked pretty well. The most difficult part was, with the plot and subplot already created, scattering all those ideas throughout the text in such a way that at least made some sense. I regret not writing more about Mer Yankelevich, I feel like the crumbs I left on the way were not enough; in my attempt to make it subtle it lacked information about her. The key piece was of course her sister, and I should have introduced her sooner.

MC’s evolution. I feel like Kate’s learnt a lot with this experience (I’m not only referring to the Deathly Hallows or Grindelwald) When it started, she was very discreet and kept a low profile, not knowing what to do really, not taking more risks than necessary. And then she ended poisoned and splinching just to protect a document she thought was important. I hope her evolution is noticeable for the reader.

Worldbuilding. Grabbing HP concepts that were forgotten and full of potential, plus a dash of original ideas from me and blending them with muggle features was my absolute favourite part of the process.

On that note, I dont own these concepts: Durmstrang, Igor Karkarov, Nerida Vulchanova, umbrella flowers, fanged geraniums, billywigs, Appare Vestigium, glow-worms, trick wand, chamaleon ghouls,

If you’ve read the fic and thought: “everything happened so fast” or got a general odd feeling about the timeline it's because I made a series of monumental mistakes: setting a chapter limit, telling you about it and then tried to stick to it. At first the idea sounded nice: this is my first “big” story with complicated components. I should (and I did) do an outline of what I want to happen in each chapter and stick to it methodically so I don't forget what's happening or lose track of the plot. Well...it kind of backfired. So I wrote the first 3 chapters and at that point I thought “okay everything is going as planned, I’m going to put it out there”, bam, instantly cursed. After that it got ridiculously difficult to make the story that I wanted. Why? I needed chapter space that I convinced myself I couldn’t add. Dumb.

The major consequence of this was the lack of character backgrounds. It started out good, but as I kept writing and publishing I realised that I missed some great opportunities to make amazing ocs. That’s Corentin’s fault in a way: he wasn't going to be a major character, really, just a piece to help Kate a bit. But we all fell in love with him so what was I supposed to do? Also, Sheyi Mawut owns my heart and he got just a bit of spotlight. A shame.

I wish I had written more about them, but I think I wasn’t ready just yet to make it even more complicated.I just wanted to prove I could concoct a mystery plot and now that I know I can manage a fair amount of information I think I can take it a step further and deepen new ocs a little bit more.

I’m thinking about the datura series and I know why I got blocked and tired of writing it; it wasnt going anywhere because I wasnt prepared, and I didn’t do the months of outlines and planning that I did with this one. I’ll come back to the datura story one day, subjecting it to a sever rewrite. The ideas are there, I just need to be organised.

Although the chapter limit was problematic it was also a good exercise of managing space and deciding which things were unnecessary for the story. I dont think there’s any filler chapters, perhaps the last ones, but there is important information there too so... However this sentence from the blog wordsandstuff reassured me (and I think I did a good job at that?)

If you set out to write 10 parts and you write a fantastic story in 8, you haven’t failed and it’s not too rushed. Concise writing is an underrated talent. Focus on how effectively you engage the reader, not for how long.

I spent more than year writing this! When I started, I had a lot of ideas, I wrote the last two chapters then the first 3 and I really thought it was going to be that way with the rest of the story... okay... lesson learnt. #humbled

Other thoughts:

I received a couple of comments on ao3 that said that they were pleasantly surprised. Maybe I should change the tags because they are misleading? Clearly this wasnt what people were looking for lol.

One particular comment stood out to me and quoting it said: “You did not choose the easy way with a fiction with so few characters from the fandom.” And I’ve been thinking about this since I read it. It didn’t occur to me that there were few mystery fics (maybe I should write more things like that? Maybe throwing some power couple detective work 👀 ) In any case, I’m glad I contributed with something different to the fandom, and the fact that the Charlie bits are very scarce but people who read it still liked it is really flattering.

I wanted to make sure that all the characters had strengths and flaws, I didnt want to severus-snape them so maybe I overdid it with that bit of introspection kate does at the end...

Also, I did the kiss and fade thing twice to mention sex. I know some people dont like that but since it wasnt the point of the story and I havent done research on how to write sex scenes I didnt include them. I have that on my “to learn” list.

Conclusions:

Writing the whole thing was incredible. It's my first ‘big’ project and its not a great work (there are some things I wish I did better, thats what you get when you are an agatha christie wannabe) and not writing more character backgrounds will haunt me to this day, but I think it's at least good for a first series and I’m proud of it. I loved spending hours doing research and trying to piece together this puzzle. And of course I’m not an expert and I dont want to sound pretentious (like this is my first story) but if you are planning to write this type of genre I can be another source of tips and tricks for you.

If I read the story after a while and I dont cringe, I would call that a success.

FUN? FACTS!

Bakunawa really belongs to Filippines mythology

Snapdragons have different meanings, one of them being: “grace under pressure or inner strength in trying circumstances”

The entrance to Grindelwald’s room was going to be in the duelling classroom, strangely shaped as a triangle. I had this system where one of the round candle lamps descended and lined up with a line on the floor (serving as separation for duels) it created the Deathly Hallows symbol. I couldn’t make that work because it wouldn't make any sense for Nerida Vulchanova to shape a room like that. Here are some sketches:

Lucius Malfoy was going to appear as the Ministry employee that goes to Durmstrang, but after revising the events of the OoP I realised it was impossible.

Kent Jorgensen was going to be around Kate’s age and the charms teacher and he would have a small crush on her. After seeing some pics of Pen Medina, I rewrote the character completely.

The series was going to be 6 chapters long (I’m glad I decided not to) one for each month. The chapter names were ridiculous: January of Beginnings, February of reputation, March of Students, April of Discoveries, May I? and June of Endings. #tragic

The Dolohov family was going to be a part of the plot but I had to erase that part because it was unlocking another layer of complexity that I just couldnt handle.

I dont remember exactly the chapter but I got really confused with the names Rhode and Hodges and there’s one chapter where I accidentally mixed them (I corrected it I think), but for a while I could stop calling Rhode, Hodges, and vice versa lmao

Here are some sketches that helped me describe and imagine things

Thank you for accompany me in this journey, especially if you endured the process with me lmao. You’ve been here for over A YEAR! <3 Mindblowing

Also I’d love to know your opinions about the way you read the story, I mean, I know some people read it as I published, and some other readers found the story already finished, what are the differences? Should I stop the updating system and drop a story all at once? I know it is difficult to keep up with a complex story if there’s a lot of weekly or monthly gaps between the chapters, so I wanted to know.

Sending you a virtual hug ��💜

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cajunfoxnight · 4 years

Photo

I have an important announcement regarding commissions for the rest of 2020 TLDR version- I will not be opening for main slot commissions for at least the rest of 2020. Im not going anywhere im just taking a step back for the time being to revaluate some things. Below the cut in the long explination!

(copy and pasted from my FA submission) Hello everyone! 2020 has been a year has it?? So yeah I suppose this isnt coming as a surprise, is it? Im deciding to write this here in a submission bc I dont think people really read journals, so putting it in a submission might make it to where more people will see/read this. So here we go! Night!!! I dont feel like reading a long ass post about this, whats the TL;DR??😫 Fair enough! TL;DR version- I am not taking on any more main slot commissions for the rest of 2020 ...Ok now I want to read the long version...😐 After doing some thinking for a while on this matter, I have decided that due to circumstances it would be in my best interest to not open for commissions for the remainder of 2020, and then I will see how things go from there. I do feel really bad about this as I know ive had some people in my inbox asking about openings for a while, and I really thought that I would be opening again for this month but alas...I cant seem to find it in myself to do it right now. So after some talking it over with a friend of mine, and some far more strenuous thinking than I would have liked, I feel this is in my best interest- both mentally and physically. It does honestly sadden me, but I feel like after the huge batch that I took last opening, then the madness that was October Prep, and THEN October itself, not to mention the general of how 2020 is going.. yeah. I generally feel like there is much I want to do, and much I need to work on. I seriously- and I mean SERIOUSLY- need to figure out a better way to work and accept work. I keep taking on far more than I can handle because I dont know how to say "No", and in the end I just find myself being burnt out and unhappy and that aint right! Not to mention with bad hand and wrist pains, im honestly surprised I was able to do as much as I was. I guess in a strange way, I want to be able to feel the natural urge to draw and not a mechanical one, if that makes sense. NGL I may even end up moving larger commissions to my Patreon, but thats not something im thinking too hard about.. Either way im rambling now! But Niiiigghhhhttt!!! I really really REALLY want to get something from you!! Is there any way that I can??😖 I will still be offering Off-queue commissions to those that qualify for them, and for my Patreons, but my main commission slots will remained closed to the public for a while. However there are still other ways to get something from me! Ive got some YCHs that have been sitting on my computer for quite literally a couple years now as I have been waiting for "the right time" to post them. I also will also be thinking about doing smaller, quicker things like sketch commissions, YCH telegram stickers, and what not, but these will probably only be available on twitter (please check out my pages CajunFoxNight and ChicoryFox) And of course there is still my Telegram Channel. So many of you have been so patient and understanding and for that I cant thank you all enough, despite asking you all to continue waiting. I want to make sure that you are all getting only the best quality from me! Ok so is that all?😥 Yep thats all I wanted to say! I hope this wasnt too long of a read considering I know I tend to ramble a bit ^^; As always im more than happy to answer any questions about commissions anyone might have! Thank you all for reading!

#chicoryfox #updates #commissions #long post is long

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srta-peppa · 4 years

Text

Hii again! 💞 Here I am at 2:30am knowing perfectly that almost of all you are sleeping but i guess this could be a nice thing to wake up. Or I hope at least. I know I told you guys I was going to finish the fic this week, but I lied... 🙈 hahaha I also lied when I said it will be 2k per chapter because here I’m with a 4k ch and thinking about an epilogue (So 5 ch in total and not only 4) but you dont care about all of this. So I hope you like this part as much as the other and thank you so much. 🥰💗🥰💗 (ao3 link on the title)

Ch 1 // Ch 2

“The things i do for you”

Chapter 3:

We have been in two more parties after that one, and things should not go well because Robbe is every day more into the fake relationship. We arrived early at the next party, this time the house is from Jens’s ex-girlfriend, Jana, I think. Robbe has told me about it because he thinks we should look especially loving with the other since Jens still has feelings for her. Well... we are definitely doing the part of being affectionate, but I’m not so sure that this is stoping Jens in any way.

As soon as we got there, Robbe made us sit on a sofa in the garden. His friends were already there, so they talked a little bit. Robbe was between my legs resting against my chest while I played with his hair. We must be like that for just ten minutes before Robbe kissed me. At the moment I thought we were going to kiss for a few moments and then he would be talking with his friends again. Well, that was not the case.

It’s already midnight, and I told you that we came early and that Robbe spoke with his Moyo and Jens for only ten or fifteen minutes. So I think it is fair to say that we been kissing in front of them for at least TWO HOURS! And don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining, but, to be honest, if we keep it like this, I might be dead by the end of the night.

“Robbe, man are you going to be sucking your boyfriend’s face all night,” Jens says, his voice sound annoyed, but I can’t tell why.

I mean, I will be annoyed too if my best friend let me alone for three parties in a row. Robbe didn’t hear him or doesn’t care because he keeps kissing me. I hear Jens calling him one more time.

Moving my kisses along his jaw, I whisper in his ear. “Baby?” I say while I pretend to be playing with his earring.

“Humm?” Robbe murmur and doesn’t open his eyes.

I chuckle softly, he seems to be in his own bubble. “Baby… Jens wants your attention.”

“Who?” He says, hiding his face in my neck.

“The man of your dreams,” I joke.

“You are the man of my dreams” He whispers between kisses on my skin.

I feel like my whole body freeze. “What?”

“What?” Robbe says confused, this time, he is more alert and looking at me.

“What did you say?” I ask because he couldn’t have said what I think he said, right?

“I said, Johan, is the man of my dreams…” The fuck is he talking about? “The Dutch football player... I was joking,” Robbe says, laughing and caressing my frown.

“Oh, okay..” I have no clue of what Robbe had said, I’m not a big football fan like him, but I guess it has more sense than what I heard.

“Hey, bro, are you going to be all night eating Sander’s face? It’s like the third night you ignore us. You have him all the time, what about us?” Jens tries again now that Robbe is not distracted.

And at this point, I’m pretty sure Robbe’s best friend is not jealous of me because I’m his ‘boyfriend’ but more possible because of how little time his best friend hangs with him nowadays. I tried to say it to Robbe yesterday, but once again, he didn’t listen.

Robbe’s cheeks turn pink, and I hug him from behind. “Yes, you are right. I’m sorry I got to carry away.”

“It’s fine Robbe, I get you guys are in the honeymoon phase. Wanna come inside for some new drinks?” Jens offers.

“Yes! Give me a sec,” Robbe says, and Jens only nods at him, already heading to the house.

Robbe looks at me, smiling, and I smile at him too. He is so sweet and I'm so fucking in love. He gets closer and bumps his nose with mine.

“He is not here anymore, you know?” I ask playfully.

“I know,” He says in the same tone. Robbe doesn’t move. “Jens can wait for a minute.”

Robbe takes my face in his hands and kisses me again. He is so tendered and gentle; he makes it super easy to get lost in it.

“This part of your plan?” I say after some time pass.

“Oh yeah, sure.” Robbe answers without stoping his kisses.

“You need to go,” I laugh.

“In a minute,” He pushes himself further in my body.

“A minute has passed,” I joke.

“I’m going,” He says, not moving or stoping our kiss.

“I still see you here,” Robbe whine and starts to stand up, pulling my face giving me peaks in my mouth.

“No, you don’t.” He pouts, making me laugh even more.

“Baby, you need to go,”

“Okay, okay” He finally says

Robbe walks a few steps before coming back to me.

“One more,” He says, leaning down to kiss me again.

We kiss for a minute, deeply. After another minute pass, my neck hurts because of the rare position we are kissing. But before I can move, Robbe pushes away to look at my eyes. He smiles, and like he didn’t have just stole my heart, he runs towards the house.

What the fuck had just happened.

Thursdays are busy days for me. I work part-time in a tattoo shop while I finish my two last years of college. I’m drawing the sketches for my weekend clients and some original pieces in case anyone comes wanting a random tattoo. I like my job, I can paint all day, people used to be really kind, and because the owner is my best friend, I get to keep the majority of my profits. Noor only let me pay my part of the bills and nothing more.

I’m drawing a European dragon for a girl I have on Saturday when my phone beeps. Usually, I don’t answer it while I’m drawing, but it must be Robbe for the time. The only moments when I don’t respond to him are because I’m with a client, yes I’m weak for him.

“I think u should send me some photos,” I read, and I don’t have a fucking clue of what it’s he saying, so I call him.

“Hey, baby,” I say once Robbe picks up.

“Hi! Have you finished early today? I missing you…”

“I miss you too, but I still have work.”

“Buuuh… I can’t wait to see you.”

“That’s why you want the photo?” I ask unsure, he has never done that, but he’s been acting weird lately.

“Yes, I guess I can say so.”

“Okay, I’m gonna send you a selfie later, send me one too”

“What? No, that’s no the type of photo I meant.”

Suddenly an idea hit me. I’m possibly wrong. No! I have to be wrong.

“What kind of photo do you want, baby?” I ask, instead.

“Wait! I do want the selfie. Miss your pretty face.”

“I miss you too, baby.” I see Noor rolling her eyes. But being real, we haven’t seen each other for a week.

Robbe has a big exam coming tomorrow, and he wanted to be focus only on that. Sure, we speak every night, but it’s not the same.

“Don’t avoid my question what type of photo?”

“I have been thinking…” Robbe says and a month ago that wouldn’t scare me. Today? I’m terrified. “We need to have some hot pics from the other on our phones and some dirty chats. It won’t be realistic if we don’t.”

Yep, that’s precisely what I had thought.

“Who is going to see our phones, Robbe?”

“I don’t know anyone! Jens uses my phone a lot. He says I have a better camera for our skate videos.”

“Okay, but why would Jens look into our chats?”

“No, the chat, the gallery.”

“Okay, I get what you mean, yet we are not doing it.”

“Why not? It hasn’t to thaaat dirty.”

“No, no, no. I’m not texting you that only to make Jens jealous.”

“Humm.. okay, can I text you some?”

Kill me if I don’t want those photos, but just because of that is why I won’t accept it. I can’t do it, those photos would mean totally different things for us. And yes, when we kiss is similar, but I know Robbe at least enjoys kissing me. The phots would be a completely different story.

“Why don’t you take them and leave them there? If Jens is going to see the gallery, he won’t actually know you didn’t send it to me.”

“Oh! You’re right… sometimes you are such a genius.”

“Sometimes?”

“Yes, if you were like that all the time, you would accept my photos. I guess it’s your loss, I have some notable photos.” Robbe says, making me laugh, maybe he is right.

We talked for a few moments more before Robbe had to go back to his study. Once we hang up, I rest my forehead on the table.

“He is going to kill me Noor... and I will fucking thank him,” I say, looking at the floor.

“What does lovely Robbe ask you this time? It can’t be worst than kiss him to make someone else jealous.” She asks, amused.

“He wanted us to send dirty photos to each other,” I admit in a whisper.

“Damn, your boy likes to torture, or he is doing it on propose?” Noor asks, but the reality can not be farther away from it.

“Robbe is not even aware that I could at least get horny because of him.” And I honestly don’t know-how. It’s not like I’m that great of an actor.

“Hahaha, well, I think its good you tell him no, sometimes you are too soft with his desired.”

A deep silence grows between us. What should I say? That I finally tell him no because I won’t be able to not see those pics and not want to pin him in the wall.

“Sander…?” Noor says with wide eyes, “Please tell me you don’t fucking agree to do it!”

“I don’t agree, but not because of that. It was because of how bad I want those photos. I’m still soft.”

So fucking soft for him, and I’m so shameless about it. I mean I literally call him baby, I kiss his cheeks and neck all the time. I know people notice it, Robbe’s friends, our families, my best friend Noor. She actually didn’t believe me that we weren’t together until she met Robbe. I was even dumped by my ex because of my love for Robbe.

“You need help, man. And I think I have the best idea.” Noor smiles maliciously.

“What idea?” I frown, I don’t like how this sounds.

“Have you told him Lucas is coming back this weekend?” She says.

“No, why would I? He doesn’t like him.” I say, trying to not assume the worst.

“Of course he doesn’t, Luc steal your attention from him.” Noor laughs like it was apparent.

And I wish it was true, but Lucas definitely didn’t steal my attention from Robbe. Lucas knows it, even Robbe knows it.

“Nobody steals my attention from him, Noor. I thought that was the problem.” I say.

“Okay, but you give Lucas more than you gave to the rest of us even if it less than to Robbe,” Noor admits my biggest shame. Robbe holds all the power over me. “He knows it, and that’s why he doesn’t like your Lucas.”

“He is not my Lucas anymore, Noor.”

And He is not with me because Lucas is not fucking blind like Robbe is. Robbe didn’t like him from the start, he told me Luc seems too much like a snake. On the other hand, Lucas did like Robbe; he told me he totally gets why I was in love with my best friend. We were together for two months before they met, and tried to stay together for one month more after they met. It didn't work.

“Nah, details.” She waves off my words.

“I’m not gonna use my ex to make Robbe jealous. I think we already have enough with him and his best friend,” I say.

Lucas doesn’t deserve that, and neither does Robbe. If he wants to be oblivious for the rest of his life is his call and not mine.

“I’m not saying you should kiss your ex-boyfriend. Just let Robbe know he is here,” Noor explains, but I can see her intentions.

If you want to know what happened in the end, he dumped me. Lucas wasn’t mad at me, but he said that it was challenging to be with someone that already had all of his ‘needs’ covered by someone else and that if he could only give me sex, it was better to end things. And as a shame as I got back then it was the truth. I like him, I care for him, and I’m sure that if I didn’t have Robbe, I would fall in love with him. But in the real-life, I am madly in love with my best friend, and Luc was nothing more than a friend with benefits. Well, he kinda still is. Yet now that things were clear between us, it is so much more healthy.

Friday night came quickly, and thank goodness because I can’t stand not seeing my baby boy anymore. A knock in the door surprise me Robbe has his own key. When I open the door a pair of blue eyes stare at me, Lucas has a cocky smile on his lips like he knows something I don’t.

“Hi sexy,” Lucas says, and before I can greet him back, he is kissing me.

It’s not that we don’t kiss. We fool around a lot when he came to visit, but not like this, it only happens when we are in the mood. What it's usually late at night after a few drinks. When Lucas finally pull off, I see it. Behind him is Robbe lying in the wall, arms crossed, and an annoyed look on his eyes. He is mad as hell, and I suddenly understand the love show, but why…? Oh, wait! Noor. She told him, and of course, Lucas is in. He had always like to annoy Robbe.

“Are you going to come in?” I ask Robbe when he doesn’t move.

“I don’t know, is he going to stay?” He says grumpily.

I know I shouldn’t because Robbe is trying to look mad, but he looks so adorable. I want to eat him, kiss by kiss.

“No, Luc just came to drop some stuff I asked him from Amsterdam,” I say more for Lucas than for Robbe.

Robbe doesn’t answer, he enters without hugging me even if we hadn’t seen each other for a whole week. We sit on the floor where I have some pillows and blankets as a couch. I don’t need to tell you that Robbe sat in my lap and ignored Luc for the ten minutes that we probably spend talking, right? Once Lucas left, we decide to go for some cheeseburgers to our favorite bar.

Usually, we eat in the same spot on the sofas next to the window. Yet tonight something is different we are in our place, but Robbe isn’t sitting in front of me like always, he doesn’t even sits next to me. He is literally as glue to my body as a public place will allow it. Robbe is turned to the side so he can look at me. He also has his leg on top of mine under the table, and he is stealing my chips. I can think that it is because of our time apart and that he has missed me yet… something feels too much for one week of not seen each other.

“I want you to give me a hickey,” Robbe says out of nowhere, and of course, he does it while I’m drinking.

“What?” I manage to say after I have choked with my soda.

“Yeah, couples do it,” Robbe says, caressing my back like it would help me to stop the cough.

This is a big red flag. This needs to stop now! Robbe has to be joking. I mean… really? No, he doesn’t want that. He is joking, he is joking, he is joking.

“Not all couples, baby,” I say because if I question him and this is not a joke, he will be mad at me again, but we all know it is a joke.

Robbe looks at me like I’m dumb, and at this point, I think I am. Fuck, did I tell you how close this position makes us be? Too close.

“Okay, but if you do, I can make Jens jealous even when you are not there,” Robbe explains.

He wasn’t joking. I feel my body panic, I told him no one time yesterday. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it one more time, even less now that we are face to face. Tonight he can pull off his pup’s eyes and enchant me with his soft honey baby voice. This fight is lost before it has started, and for the smile, on his lips, Robbe knows it.

“No way, if you want to make him jealous…” I need to think fast, “I don’t know, talk to him about how great I am.”

That sounded like I’m so full of myself, but Robbe only rolls his eyes at me.

“I do that all the time it won’t work.”

“Baby, I can’t; how do you want me to do it? Are you going to lie down while a pretend to be Edward Cullen?” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

“Sander, pleaseeeeee.” There he is… using all his power over me.

“I cant! A hickey is not something that you planned. It occurred,” I say honestly.

“What do you mean?” Robbe asks, doubting for the first time.

This is my opportunity. Robbe had never had a formal boyfriend. He had made out and date a few boys over the years since he came out, but nothing more happened. And thank god because I hated every single one of them, but that’s not the point. The point is that Robbe is not a kid, but he isn’t the most experience boy either. So if I can convince him that hickeys are not something you can do only by asking, maybe I can escape this without actually saying not to him.

“What I’m trying to say is that couples got to that point when the things got sexual between them.”

I explain, but Robbe still look at me like that wasn’t enough. Holy shit! This is not working… maybe if I am more explicit?

“For example, you are making out for hours, and then you kiss other parts of them because you both are horny. Or you are already having sex with them, and you kiss and bite whatever place of skin you find.”

I see how Robbe thinks about it for a moment. I don’t know if it was enough, but it was kind of the truth. He eats his chips in silence, still thinking. This is not working, it’s taking him too much time. What on earth could he be thinking?

“I can’t just give you one baby,” I add.

Finally, Robbe looks at me and Oh Boy! That’s it. I have lost the battle. I have no idea what if he about to say, but he has that look in his eyes. The one I told you he did when he asked me how does it feel to be kissed? Yeah, that look. I know I am going to say yes.

“But, I want one.. from you.” Robbe whispers.

And I open my mouth to say no. I swear to god I did, but my brain should be damage because I find myself agreeing to this nonsense.

“Holy shit! Okay, wait until we get home and we’ll see how it works.” I say, already regretting all of my life choices.

“Yes! Thank you, thank you. You are so good with me.” He says happily.

Robbe takes my face between his hands and kisses me all over it. And yes, of course, I’m smiling and melting on him like a stupid.

“Sometimes, I think I spoiled you too much.”

Sometimes I say! Hahaha, I laugh at my own joke.

“Never! You are perfect. Do you want one too?” Robbe says, still holding my face.

“What?”

“Yes, I can give you one if you want to make someone jealous.” He jokes playfully.

“Thank you, baby, but I won’t need it.” I decide to be honest.

Maybe I can stop myself from giving him everything he asks, but at least I can stop him from giving it to me.

“You know it been a while since the last time I saw you with someone.” Robbe realizes for the first time in two years, and I don’t know if it is good or not.

“Yeah, Brittany left me with no desire for dating.” I lie a little because it’s not the complete story “Also, I thought you were with me.” I joke, trying to change the conversation.

The real reason was that I am a relationship person. I don’t enjoy randoms hookups and dates with strangers. So after Brittany, I only date a few times with some friends, and well, there was also Luc. But I never had something serious again. I kinda missed having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I miss being loved and loved someone un return.

“Don’t name her, you are going to make me puke my food.” He sticks his tongue out in a grimace.

“It wasn’t that bad. And She had a nice red hair”

Maybe she wasn’t the best, but I can’t blame her.

“She controlled you all the time… and She once told me you will be better without me,” Robbe says and keeps eating.

“She did what?” I ask, shock by the news.

“I remember it was so funny. Brittany came one day and told me, ‘Sander spend too much on you. He will be better without you, Robbe’ what a bitch.” Robbe answer laughing.

I want to laugh too, but I can’t because I don’t understand why Robbe has never told me about it. And all the possibilities of things that he has never told me before. I take his jaw, making him lock eyes with me.

“Why you never told me this?�� I ask seriously.

“Oh, because you guys broke a week after that. And I didn’t believe her. I know I’m the best part of your life because you are the best of mine.” He explains to me.

Robbe smile and boop my nose, I’m frozen. I literally have no idea what to say. The only thing I can do is look at him in silence.

“Aww, you guys are so cute together.” the waitress tells us when she brings the bill.

“Thank you,” Robbe says without correcting her, and that just left me even more confused.

I still numb to the time we get back home. To be honest, I don’t know how we get here. I think… I think Robbe paid because it was his turn, and then he took my hand, and we walked here holding hands. I’m not sure, we had never done that. Maybe I just imagining it.

We are lying on the bed, and Robbe is looking for a movie, and obviously, he choose for the one hundred times, Romeo and Juliet. I should take a shower, clear my mind. This is also the first free night of Robbe after his exam, and I saw him yawning the whole dinner, so probably if I take a long shower when I come back, he is already sleeping.

“Okay, how do you want me?” Robbe says, and it’s the first thing that penetrates my thoughts in the last half hour.

I know exactly what he means, and I have no escape or a clue of how to do this.

“Oh my god, don’t say it like that, Robbe,” I beg, almost crying.

“You are so grumpy with me today.” He says next to me. “I think I had pushed you too much. Lets just cuddle and watch the movie.”

Robbe pulls me into his arms and lets my head lie in his chest. I love when he does that, it makes me feel so safe and love. I forget about the world when we sleep like this. Robbe doesn’t speak for the rest of the night, he only kisses my forehead while I play with his necklace. We watch the movie like this until we fall asleep. And fuck me if I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Kisses to all of you please tell me what you think and stay safe! 🥰

#the things i do for you fic #sobbe fanfic #friends to lovers #fake dating au #🌈💖🌈💖#srta pepa's fanfics

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spellman-secrets · 5 years

Text

Pt. 2; Don’t kid yourself, love. ~Ambrose Spellman x Vampire!Reader~

Summary: An argument between Ambrose and Y/n sparks Sabrina’s interest in their pasts together, and what exactly brought them to be how they are now.

A/n: So a lot of people really wanted another part to this story, I think there might be one last part to this story after this. I’m so sorry it took so long for me to post a pt. 2, like over a year 💀💀 but I promise the next one will come much faster. Also the spacing is like really weird in this and I have no idea why?? Or how to fix it. Sorry about that! If you’d like to be tagged in the next part, please feel free to tell me, and thank you for any support! ❤️

W/c: 1269

Tags: @claire-loves-music

"I'M SORRY THAT I ASSUMED YOU'D BE MATURE ENOUGH FOR ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR 5 MINUTES"

Sabrina is woken up by violent yelling, she rubs her eyes and looks over to her door confused. She throws her blankets off of herself and checks the clock. 03:00.

Of course, witching hour. Sabrina rolls her eyes and walks towards the door to check what all the calamity was about.

"5 MINUTES?!" Ambrose's voice booms through the house.

"AMBROSE YOU TRIED TO BLOW THE FUCKING VATICAN UP! I'M SORRY I WASN'T THERE TO TELL YOU WHAT AN OBVIOUSLY A BAD IDEA THAT WAS!"

Sabrina stops in her tracks, she's looking into the kitchen, she see's Auntie Zee roll her eyes, and take a sip from her usual tea cup. Aunt Hilda has both her elbows on the table and is rubbing her temples while closing her eyes. Behind them Ambrose and you stand yelling at each other. But the words that just escaped you're mouth are what has put Sabrina into shock.

“What?" She almost whispers, looking up at all the adults in front of her. Everyone's heads snap towards her.

"Look what you two have done now!" Zelda exclaims, looking behind her shoulder to you and Ambrose.

"Nothing, dear, you're cousin and y/n are just having a bit of an argument," Hilda coo's, walking over to Sabrina and trying to guide her back to her room.

"No! Y/n, you were with Ambrose when he tried to blow the Vatican up?" Sabrina asks, confusing sketched upon her face.

"Well he did it, and got caught too, so clearly I wasn't there,” You roll your eyes, looking over to Ambrose daringly.

"Sabrina, go to sleep," Ambrose hissed, his tone wasn't directed towards Sabrina, more towards you as he glared at you.

"You guys can't just scream about this, without telling me the context of things!" Sabrina snaps rebelliously.

flashback:

“Dear, must you leave?” Ambrose whines, while hugging you from behind as you pack.

“Ambrose, you know I can’t stay here any longer, I’ll be back in 6 months” You turn around to the warlock in front of you, and give him a hug.

“Why?” He groans and pouts.

“If I’m being honest with you love, I don’t even know why, some vampire things I’ve been called for, I’ll know when I’m there,” Ambrose rolls his eyes and turns to sit on the bed, he falls back on the bed.

“So vampire business, that you don’t even know what it is, is more important then me?”

You let out a chuckle, and go to sit on top of Ambrose’s torso, you play with the top hem of his shirt.

“Of course not silly, if it’s something stupid I’m be back before you can even say fangs,” You assure.

“Hm” Ambrose muses while looking away from you, he then swiftly flips the both of you so that you are under him and he is between your legs.

“What if your urge for me is just to strong, and you just come back in, let’s say a week?” Ambrose asks, his motives clear.

“In our case, that might just be a possibility,” you giggle, and then pulling him down, placing a kiss on his lips.

“Don’t worry love, I’ll make sure it is” Ambrose assures while kissing down your neck, you let out a soft giggle and nod.

"Sabrina!" Ambrose’s voice booms, he was not in the mood to argue with her as well. Sabrina seems a bit taken back by his tone.

“You know what? I think I’ll take her up to her room,” You roll your eyes, wanting a break from Ambrose. You walk over to Sabrina and gently guide her out of the kitchen, hesitantly, she follows you.

You two walk through the house to her room, and once you close the door to Sabrina’s room, questions bombard you.

“What happened with the Vatican?”

“Why were you with him?”

“Could you have really stopped him?”

“Sabrina! Stop!” You snap, looking out of her window, silence fills the room. You take a deep breath and look back towards her, she looks a bit distraught.

“I’m sorry for yelling Sab, it’s just...” You sigh loudly and sit onto her bed, you tuck a stray hair behind her ear. There is a moment go silence.

“Go back to sleep Sabrina, Ambrose and I will be quiet, I promise,” You assure, while gesturing for the young witch to slip into her bed. Once she does, you help tuck her in and kiss the top of her head, and begin walking out of the room.

“But-“ Sabrina starts just before you step out of the room.

“You’ll find out soon, I promise,” and with that you close the door to her room. You take a deep breath and pinch the bridge of your nose.

“Ambrose?!” Panic strikes in your body. Please dear Satan, let him be here.

“Ambrose!” You shout once more, this time a bit more frantically. You start to search from him around the apartment that you two lived in.

The vampire business ended up being something quite stupid, and you didn’t even understand why you were called. You ended up being the only vampire who showed up and even the higher vampire council was confused to your presents. They said it was a strange predicament, that no one was even supposed to be called, and that your invitation must have been a mistake. They invited you to stay for a while though, to make up for the inconvenience.

You did end up staying, but not for long. As of just a few hours ago, there had been news of a warlock trying to blow up the Vatican. Upon finding out, your body was struck with worry and you came to find Ambrose as fast as possible.

You knew he wasn’t stupid enough to try something like this, but you just wanted to be sure he was alright, you had started missing him either way.

But him not answering to his name was beginning to make you doubt yourself. Could this have really been him? Trying to blow the Vatican up?

“Ambrose! For the love of all things evil, answer me!” You shout.

“We’re afraid he’s not here,” A grand voice calls through your home. You quickly turn around and see, what you could only presume, was the grand witch council.

“W-where is he?” You are almost afraid to ask, you had an idea to where this was going, but you prayed you were wrong. Ambrose and you were still young, and Ambrose, while under pressure, could easily be manipulated. He often used you to fall back on when it came to this trait, as you usually helped bring his senses back, among other things.

“Ambrose, has made a grave mistake-” and before this member of the council could finish their sentences a sob wracked through your body. What would they do to him?

“-He has attempted to blow the Vatican up,”

“Please let me speak to him,” you urge, whipping off a tear that had escaped your eyes.

“We can not-“

“I know he wouldn’t do this, just let me speak to him, please!” You beg, cutting of their sentences.

“We are afraid that that is not a possibility,” The council tells you, your breathing becomes heavy as a flash of anger runs through you.

You lean against a near by wall and slide down it, trying to calm down.

“Please don’t hurt him,” Are your last words to the council before they disappear, almost into thin air.

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fenkko · 5 years

Photo

it’s been a while but here’s another batch of asks!! thank you for sending them in

photoshop and a wacom cintiq! i’ve had it since 2016 and i love it very much

thank you!!! hmm i’m not sure if i have any tricks to it, but i think that getting in the bnha fandom has been the best thing for my art and motivation in a long time. having a passion for something helps a lot! i kind of have a problem on the opposite end where i get too excited about drawing and draw hours into the night, which isn’t good for my health;;

something that works for my art process is gathering all my drawing ideas and cool reference pics on my phone and then sketching whatever i feel like sketching! it helps so that i always have different things to draw and i don’t feel obligated to force myself into finishing a piece if it’s just not working, but it also means i have a bunch of months old wips lying around ahaha

i still get artblocked though, i think that’s goes for everyone. when it feels like nothing’s coming out right in a drawing i’ll go work on a different wip, doodle silly things i’m not going to post anywhere, or go take a walk/watch some videos/read a webcomic and return when i’m feeling up for it

for your other question i don’t think i’ve ever had trouble with confidence posting things, even at the beginning where i wasn’t very good haha. it could be helpful to think of it as just posting for yourself to document all your artwork, and think of positive feedback as a bonus!

usually i’ll get stuff from google images, but sometimes i take my own! nothing fancy, just setting up my phone camera on a timer and taking a pic if i need a pose reference

i look really weird doing it jgfdsf but it’s very helpful

i think people think of it different ways but i use it to describe the clean up stage! like in this post for example –– first i start with a rough sketch, color it with flat colors and sometimes a bit of shading, and then merge the layers and start defining areas, redrawing lines, adding filters. it’s easier for me to start with different layers so that i can fix stuff quickly, and then begin rendering with the final touches on a single layer when different layers become more troublesome than useful

ahh i’m probably not the best person to ask because i focus a lot more on deku :’) i think bakugou’s still very immature but he’s getting there? maybe? i’d have to reread

i’m glad his classmates at UA aren’t totally accepting of his behavior like his middle school lackeys, hopefully that helps him grow up a bit. i haven’t watched all of naruto but something that bothered me was how everyone took sasuke seriously even when he was being ridiculous. someone please make fun of this dude and his terrible judgment,,

for me bakugou’s in this weird grey area where his actions are too exaggerated to really think of him as a real person and seriously analyze his character (which sounds silly because they’re all cartoon characters, i hope this makes sense haha) so the way i depict bakugou and his relationship with midoriya + his classmates is more jokingly, or maybe idealized? idk i think this is a complicated way for me to say that i like to draw comics that make fun of bakugou HGFJH (which is probably why i like bakusquad stuff the most out of all bakugou content)

i’d really like a scene where bakugou apologizes or directly faces the consequences of how he treated midoriya but i have the feeling we’re not going to see that;; he’s probably going to stay a bit of a turd for the rest of bnha

also since i think it’s relevant to my thoughts about their dynamic, here are the tags from my last drawing of them! #edit: i got a few messages asking me if i ship bakudeku and i dont. sorry to mislead!! #i drew them more friendly than usual which is probably the closest i’ll get to actual ship content #to be honest i don’t draw even the few pairings i do like more explicitly romantic than them standing next to each other bhfjgh #drawing romance is usually less fun than drawing people doing friend stuff #or in this case #bakugou getting bullied by a pomeranian

ahh i’m actually wondering that myself :’) i think the big question is whether to go for a company that handles most of the work themselves and gives you a bit of profit, or open a store yourself and have to spend time packaging your own things. i’d really love to do the latter since i want to be able to control the quality, but i’m not sure if i have the time to manage it the way i’d like

not currently but i finished the ones i already had, so possibly in the near future! the last time i opened them was just on instagram, so i’ll remember to let you guys know here as well :D

@madeline-makes-stuff i’m not super active on discord but i’m in this bnha art server!

ahh i feel kind of weird talking about follower counts so probably no raffles or events like that, sorry;;

i’m currently attending carnegie mellon university in their school of art!! northeastern is pretty close to my home though so i’m familiar with it –– i was actually accepted there as a game design major and they sent me some valentines candy in a husky box, it was really sweet :’)

aw i haven’t listened to any episodes in a while but it’s still very dear to me! i’m planning to draw some taz this month B) i love all the stuff the mcelroys make, especially monster factory!

and that’s it for now!! also wanted to say thank you so much everyone for your kind asks, they’re all really appreciated HFJGHF;; i keep them all in my inbox and in my heart

#ocs #i'm sorry this has taken so long ghdjg #they've been piling up #maybe i'll stop doing the batch system ? or stop putting so much effort into the drawings i post them with because it takes so long :')#if i didn't see your question please feel free to message me!!#or check my about or previous asks since there were a couple repeats #asks #art questions tag #my art #Anonymous #fin

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imbumkyung · 5 years

Text

I Saw It In A Movie One Time (ch.4) - Acting

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

Warnings: none!

“Well the good news is, the cast should only be on for about a month, and you can go back to regular activities within eight weeks,” the blonde, golden eyed doctor advised.

The room you were sat in was glum. You remember it this exact way from the movie. Dr. Cullen’s hair swept back with a white coat on, eyes focused on the document in front of him being held by a clip board. We was writing things down, probably prescribing her some medications or as her friends liked to call it— hardcore drugs.

Kai reminisced that comedy segment that John Mulaney did about lying to his doctor for Xanax. She considered the same trick on Dr. Cullen, but feared that he would deny her since marijuana and other drugs were still taboo in 2007. Still, her mouth ran faster than she could process.

“Hey uh, sometimes I get nervous on airplanes,” she stated

God. I have to blame my ADHD on that one.

“Ah,” he nodded, “well I hope you won’t be going on any airplanes anytime soon then,” Dr. Cullen replied with a smile

Dammit. No Xanax for me then.

He finished writing but not without leaving a signature at the bottom of the page and sending me off with a smile. As she was leaving the room, she happened up bump straight into the hardest and coldest figure she’d ever felt.

“Sh— sorry man,” she apologized. She looked up for a split second and instantly regretted when she did

Edward

His eyes narrowed, making her feel smaller, “I remember you,” he stated

She said nothing, but ducked her head and rushed away as fast as she could. Her sense of accomplishment for getting away was cut short by a cold hand wrapped around her upper right arm. At this, she tensed and gave him a cold look.

“It’s not nice to grab people,” she spat

“How do you know who I am?” He asked gently

“The last time someone asked me that I got this,” she raised the cast on her left forearm. Unknowlingly revealing she knew about Victoria as well. The sound of her screaming in pain and the events of Victoria effortlessly snapping her arm played in her head.

“Besides,” she shrugged her arm from his grasp, “I’ll be out if your way soon”

Unwillingly, she remembered the time she tried to kill herself back to go back to her normal life and the next image that flashed in her head was her driving at over 100mph, then closing her eyes and sealing her fate. It wasn’t a set-in-stone kind of plan, but it was an idea that came up on the spot.

Edward cringed, “that— that’s not neccessary,”

“What’s not neccessar— oh. Stay out of my head please,” she remembered, he can hear her thoughts, but she wasn’t aware that any form of imagery would translate for him.

“You know I can read your thoughts,” he stated.

“Look, I’d love to explain everything, but I really gotta go. My mom needs me home to uh...” she paused, scrambling in her head for an excuse “take care of my brother— Don’t speak to me if you ever run into me again. Please,” she walked out of the hospital as fast as she could, deciding she didn’t need any of the medication. She just needed to get away.

Needless to say, Kai was stressed. Stressed that she’s attracted so much attention from the characters. Stressed that said characters had even seen her. It put her in danger. Victoria even knows about her now, and now that another human besides Bella knows of their existence— it’s a crime to the bloodsuckers.

Upon realizing this, Kaileia’s eyes widened.

Her knowledge of them had been exposed to two vampires. Theres no one to protect her from this— Bella’s safety was secured because Edward was her mate. Kai had no one. She’d avoided becoming friends with anybody at all in fear that any connection would lead her to the vampires or the wolves.

Slamming open the door to her bedroom, she scrambled for the journal she bought months back. It had been weeks since she last documented her experiences, but after today, it was time for an update

“Victoria caught me today and broke my arm bro. At least it was my shitty arm. I havent had an actual conversation with anyone besides Jeremy who interviewed me for the job I have now. Carlisle fixed my arm as if theres no other god damn doctors in forks dAMMIT MEYER. Then edward radiated some REAL Serial killer energy today like hOLY SHIT he can read my thoughts. I just wanna go back to where my only problem was my mom. She wasnt even that much of a problem tho tbh. But its Not like blood sucking vampires and their werewolf enemies. Kendrick Lamar isnt even famous yet. No one knows who Chance the Rapper is. Everyones obsessed with the pussycat dolls and I dont even think they know about Chris Brown beating up Rihanna. At this point, I’ve definitely missed the area 51 raid and I’m disappointed.

Not gonna lie tho, I’ve been running from it all this time and it’s worked until now. I was faced with just the greatest danger ever and now I’m getting sucked in. I’m really hoping I never have to mean anything to them. I’m also wondering what happens after it’s all over? I don’t want to write what it is here, because if someone finds this I don’t want to change the future, but after that last chapter, where do I go? I can’t live here forever. I have my own life.

I wonder if my dogs miss me. If anyones feeding them the right amount, walking them twice a day. Do my parents know I’m gone? Its been over half a year and I’m still here”

Her hand started cramping and she shut her book, flinging her pen across the opposite side of the room, thought instantly regretting it because she may think of other ideas to write down. Kai lay flat on her bed, letting go of any control she had over her muscles and stared at the ceiling. Things were starting to get a lot more intense. It had her shaken that she might have to be involved in order to stay safe.

There was no evidence supporting her theory, but Kai believed in order to go back to her old life, she cannot die by the hands of another person.

(Fourth wall break)Yes, it’s a plot hole. Smeyer had a lot of those too and I’m writing this impulsively. Give me a break

Edward pushed open Carlisle’s office door with force, “She knows,” he stated urgently, his expression stoic but panicked.

Carlisle furrowed his brows, “who?”

“That patient you just had,” Edward said, pointing back to the door behind him with his thumb, “She knows about us. I was in her head. Victoria broke her arm,” He rushed, taking a step toward Carlisle with wide eyes.

Carlisle’s eyes widened as well, “She’s in danger,” he stated

“We have to protect her,” Edward stated, “if Victoria kills her, the treaty is compromised,” He concluded, alluding to the treaty they had with the wolves.

Carlisle paused, trying to collect his thoughts, “I think this calls for a house meeting, actually,” he suggested, now standing with his arms to his side, “I can tell this concerns you, Edward.”

“I don’t want a fight with the wolves,” Edward explained, “Jacob was here for Bella while I was in Italy. He’s the one who told me she was dead,” he paused, Carlisle listening intently to his son, “I know if we fight, he’ll come for me first. And I can’t hurt Bella like that.”

Carlisle nodded, “We’ll let the rest of them know,” he said, referring to his family, “I think it’s best if the wolves know to protect her as well,” he suggested

“She doesn’t want to be involved,” Edward said, “it was the last thing she wanted. I don’t want to drag her into this life as well.” Edward was still beating himself up for bringing Bella into his world. Weather she wanted to be in it or not, he still wanted her to keep a normal human life. And if a normal human life is what Kai wanted, then damn it, he was going to let her have it

“So theres another human?” Rosalie seethed

“It’s not her fault—” Carlisle interjected

“It’s not her fault? Not her fault that she found out about us? How could she figure it out without dedicating so much time into figuring us out?” She accused the girl they didn’t know about. She knew Bella only found out because of the loads of research she did.

“She didn’t,” Edward defended, taking a step closer, “I don’t know how she knows, but she does. She doesn’t even want to be involved in this life,” he said gently, keeping eye contact with Rosalie

“So what do we do?” Esme asked, “If the Volturi find out she knows about our kind, they have no one to accuse except us. We’re the only coven in Washington.” She said softly

Everyone was staring hard at the ground, trying to grant Kai’s wish of not becoming involved, all the while knowing that the only real way to protect her was to stay with her at all times.

“She at least needs to know the that Victoria won’t stop,” Alice said, “she knows the Volturi would either blame her or us for exposing our kind.”

Carlisle pressed his lips in a tight line, “I’m sure she knows.” He sighed. Everyone shared quick glances before staring back to the floor in concentration, desperately trying to come up with a solution.

“She’ll need to get out of Forks,” Alice concluded, “Victoria is only here for Bella, I don’t think she’ll go for the girl until after her plan for Bella.” Alice believed Victoria was really only hungry for revenge, and this unknown girl wouldn’t be in danger until Victoria got what she wanted with her. However, Alice had no doubts that Victoria would be defeated before even having the chance to get to the girl.

“What’s her name?” Esme asked, “so we don’t have to keep calling her “the girl””

Edward shrugged, “I don’t know, actually.” He described her instead, “she’s short, black hair, tan skin and freckles” he recalled.

Carlisle nodded, the same description in his mind

Alice froze, and stared off into the distance, “It’s Victoria.”

Everyone stood alert. Alice was having a vision.

“What? What about her?” Jasper asked, his eyes not leaving hers.

“She’s in La Push” Alice sat, her eyes unmoving. Jasper handed her a pen as she sketched a store on one half of the paper writing “Minnie’s Stop” above it. Within a second, she moved her hand to the right, sketching out a house at the corner of a row of houses reading “Hilltop Rd”.

Edward’s brows knitted and shook his head slowly, “That’s not Bella’s street.”

“It has to be hers,” Esme said

Alice looked ahead incredulously, “she’s not going for Bella.” Alice snapped out of her vision, “If she was going for Bella, I would have seen something familiar.” This proved their theory wrong. She spared some time before getting to Bella. Why did she prioritize catching the unknown girl over avenging her mate?

The Cullens shared silent glances, knowing all too well that Victoria was hunting down the girl.

“She goes to La Push. We have to inform Sam.” Carlisle said sternly. He turned to Edward, “I understand you want to protect her from this world, but we can’t risk anything happening to her on their territory.”

Edward nodded and sighed. As opposed as he was to the idea, he knew Carlisle was right. He grabbed the keys off the table and bid his family goodnight, before leaving to spend the night at Bella’s

“You said she already knew who you were?” Bella asked concerned, a hand on his chest, her eyebrows together and eyes looking straight into his own

“Yeah,” he exhaled, “not just who but... what.”

Bella was confused, “how?”

“I wish I knew. She refuses to speak to me and guards her thoughts. Every time I try to read in, she stops saying things in her head,” he paused, “She knew I could read minds”

“Do you think there could be other... creatures besides your kind and Jacobs?” Bella asked, just above a whisper, “like— she could be a fairy or something,” she chuckled a bit, shaking her head at the idea.

“She was kind of short,” Edward shrugged and smiled at the memory of looking down at someone the size of a fifth grader.

“Get some sleep. We’re going to meet with Sam tomorrow and tell him everything. Alice saw Victoria hunting her down in La Push.” Edward advised and let her know their plans for tomorrow.

Bella nodded before snuggling closer to his chest and finally dozing off

———

WHOOP CH 4 IS HERE!!!

Let me know what you guys think!!

Ask box is always open for comments, critiques and suggestions! Or any feedback, really. Ya know what even if u wanna just say hi HAHAH

Its open for anything really

Thank you for reading! Likes and reblogs are all appreciated!

Tags: @coffees-and-constellations @rosalies-hale @sunflowerspectre

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douleur-acquise · 4 years

Photo

mer. 01 avril / 16:48

A sour week has officially tuned into a good one!

for some context : when my father passed away, he left behind a lot of property in morocco and france, and a lot of money. and seeing as i wasn’t an adult yet, my mother held on to my earnings. after a years worth of fighting and moving around houses and almost being forced into an unwanted marriage, my lawyer that my sister had set me up with finally called back this morning stating that a court date has been set and i will have all my earnings signed to my name and a check with the money that was being kept from me. enough money for me to live off on. patience really played in my favour this time.

my mom has been in morocco for a bit now. with no plans on coming to canada - ontario anyway. my brothers are happy for me and im waiting on a call back from my sister to tell her the good news. i feel really good.

the only thing i really have to worry about now is what to do next. depending on how long this quarantine will last, my plan from the beginning is to finish school here and to move back to strasbourg, where i have a home and family. a few months ago i had to reapply to McMaster for the program of BHSC Biomedical & Life sciences. i hadn’t gotten into my first choice program which was Health Sciences but im okay with it. i applied for the same program at université de strasbourg which i had also gotten into. so ive got a foot in each country. im really just glad i can continue my life like normal 19 year old and do my own thing.

if i dont end up going back to france in September, my plan in to just stay in hamilton. i want to put in a deposit for a loft downtown that i looked at yesterday but i want to keep looking. regardless of the money i now have, it doesn't really make much sense for me to live in a house alone. my brother went back to ottawa yesterday, he's got a place there so he's just gonna stay there for the time being. he's already got a car there so he's leaving me his. my older brother works a lot so i haven't been seeing him much.

its been pretty boring in the house lately. my friends have seemed to gone m.i.a this week. ive had a single friend over and he's been really great. we've had a lot of ups and downs this past year but we talked through a lot last night. he just went through a break up and we’re both just a bit lonely right now. ive been thinking of staying at my pool house in ancaster until i get my check and decide what to do. ive got no reason to be in hamilton, and my friends can always come hang out with me there. i was thinking of asking my friend if he'd want to come stay with me. id love the company and neither of us are being held back by anything anymore. im seeing him tonight so maybe ill bring it up at some point.

ive also gotten back into sketching a bit! my friend’s encouraging me to start publicizing my drawings more. i know my stuff isn't amazing but he makes them feel like they are. i want to start posting some more stuff on here, maybe even make an instagram page for them. i guess we’ll see. im feeling hopeful.

relatively, this past year been pretty awful to me. people came and people left but at the end of the day ive always had myself. and that's what's most important. as things start to change for the best, im reminded of all the things i have, and the friends that have helped me. im grateful for everyone and everything, whether they've stuck around or not. and i wish the best for them all.

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ajoycegallogo · 4 years

Text

( SEASONS ❄🍃🌞🍁)

( SHORT STORY )

"WINTER" ❄

love is such a fleeting concept nowadays , you can keep saying " I LOVE YOU " to someone and it wouldn't mean much .

I used to be one for romance, one of those who would sing about how love conquers all or one of those who still

believed that true love still exists , but as the seasons changed , so did my perspective on love .

It was during the first days of winter , the snow slowly falls on to the paved roads , the leaves have started

to wither , and my heart freezing over, reacting to what had just occured .

I was patiently waiting at the diner where my boyfriend and i frequented , the familiar smell of the eggs and bacon

from the kitchen , the soothing music of the jukebox permeating the room , and kind smiles of the waiters would always

put my mind at ease , we were set to meet there for our dinner date and i was planning to ask a very important question.

as I saw his figure approached the door , his face seemed gloom . he then sat down on the chair from mine .

" what's the matter baby ? " I asked

" We need to talk." he answered meekly , "This is not working out anymore ."

Taken back i answered , "what do you mean baby ?"

" stop calling me that! " he yelled at me.

after that everything was just a blur of colors and a jumble of word . that conversation lasted about 20 minutes before

before he decided to leave , i was too shock to give chase . as i sat there thinking about how everything went wrong ,

I took the small box from my coat pocket only to open it and wonder what am i gonna do with this couple ring that i am

planning to gave him as a gift for our anniversary . I felt as if my world has been turned upside down , after 2 years

into a relationship I thought that we were strong enough to last a lifetime . after wallowing in my sorrows for about an

hour , I decided to go back home and never come back to that diner but before i went out the door , i wanted to leave

a parting gift to the place that had hold so many memories .

I placed the the box with our two rings inside in the counter with a note that reads , " I didn't had much luck with this .

I hope that it would be more useful for you ." and left the place .

the walk home that night was a lonely one , the winds were singing a harrowing tune, the sound of the birds are nowhere to

be heared , and even the annoyance of traffic is nowhere to be heared , my heart that day was as frozen as the winter day .

(SPRING 🍃)

Nicole , a few friends , and i went to the salon and went to buy clothes is done .

As we arrieved at the place , I can tell that the air is fresh and relaxing filled with the smell of vanilla coffee,

oh how i missed this place .

the girls took their time taking pictures and posting it on their social media accounts .

while I would love to join nicole listening to music while enjoying the view . I decided to step

out a little far from where they are and get some time alone feeling the place where i can see the swing

that reminds me of him .

I've always love the night air , the view of the city lights makes me feel lightened up the absence of car noises

is calming .I then decided to ride on the swing to emmerse myself , and to think .

looking back, I found myself asking questions like ; why i didn't see it sooner ? was it my fault ? and why

have I let myself go ? these and thousand more questions were swimming in my mind , a part felt like screaming at the

world , thinking what I did do to deserve such a fate . As I put my hands on my face , hurt at everything that had happened

, I found out that I was no longer alone .

" Wow, A guy said from other end of the bench , " you look terrible everything okay , there ? " i will never forget the

first time I looked upon that manly figure , his beautiful deep brown eyes pierced right through my soul .

"Hello? he exclaimed ," not much of a talker are you ? well dont mind me then. " he then takes out a little pad and

starts to scribble something on it .

"what you got there ? " I finally asked .

" we'll someone finally decided to talk ! he said and smile, " well if you really want to know , I usually go out on quiet

night like this to draw . and tonight I found myself drawn in this place .

" Are you like some sort of an artist ? '"

He then laughs a hearty laugh " oh I wish I was that good , but no this is just something I love to do to get my mind

off of the things that stresses me out . " she then caught eye that I kept looking at his sketch pad , " would you like

to see some of my drawings? "

" I would love to . " he then handed me his sketch pad and as i flipped through his work, my eyes laid feast on beautiful

pencil work of buildings , nature , people , and all manner of beautiful scenery . " Wow , you are amazing at this !"

" Thanks ... " he replied , " the name's Yuki by the way ." he then reaches out to shake my hand .

" I'm jillian , care to share what are you doing here by yourself ?

" we'll if you see right there , " I said as I am pointing at my friend taking pictures , I was with those girls a bit

earlier but I decided to step out and get some time alone ,"

" Well if you want to go have some fun , I know a spot that is pretty awesome ." he said while standing up and holding

out her hand , " so do you want to come with or not ?"

I took his hand and exclaimed , " alright , lead the way ." t

he said with a big grin on his face while he drags me to a place that I wa unfamiliar with . Thinking about it now ,

why did I trust him so easily? he was a complete stranger and yet I feel like I already know him .

after around 10 minutes of walking we arrined at the place called " solace "the place was not crowded but kinda lively

. it was a small cafe on the edge of the town , the atmosphere there was so much more realxing than the place that

i used to go . " what do you think of the place ?"

" wow ,I said while I was scanning the place full of vintage knink knacks and paintings , " this place is amazing . how

did you find this place? ' I've lived all my life in this city and I'VE Never found this place ."

" This place just opened up, a friend of mine owns it , So if you come here with me , you can get a discount ."

" sweet , you must have some interesting friends ."

" Ha - Ha yeah ." a moment of awkwardness then ensues .

" i think we should take a seat ." I said in attempt to break the atmosphere .

" Oh right , I know a good spot . " he then leads me to a spot on the roof everlooking the countryside .

" you're right . this is amazing spot ".

" yeah ... OH I already ordered us their most amazing drink , I'm sure you'll love it . It's bavarian coffee

and it is by far the best coffer I have ever tasted ."

" I'll take your word for it " , as I said that , the waiter brought us the drinks , " Well speak of the devil ."

" cheers ." he said as he raises his glass . as we drank the coffee , the bitterness of the coffee started to dance

on my toungue , as well as something sweet , is it milk / fruit ? or maybe it's the coffee itself? eaither way ,

that coffee huh?"

" definitely never tasted something like that before . i love it " the night then continue with some lovely conversation

between strangers . We were so preoccupied with each other that the staff had to kick us out because the place was

closing .

"Wow !" she exclaimed , I didn't realized we were talking that long ."

" yeah me neither ." I commented , But I had a really nice time with you."

he smiled shyly , Hey do you want to do this again sometime? "

" Yeah , I'd love to . " we then exchanged numbers and went on our seperate ways . that night I went back home that day

with my friends , a smile on my face , and once frozen heart started to bloom once more.

(SUMMER 🌞)

A few months passed and we kept seeing eachother , sometimes to small places , like our favourite hangouts , other times

to some place special , like a masked ball . we gotten to know eachother very well . and as the summer times roll in ,

we had dated for about two months , " hey there sweet cheeks ." he said to me in a sweet manly voice ,

" what do you want to talk about ?"

"hey there big butt." I said as I try to keep the atmospehere , what's the rush ? can't we just eat and drink first ?

he started to stare me down ,suspicious of my intentions , what's the matter yu?

" you're acting really suspicious right now," he said that as the waiter brought us our food , " did my food had poisoned?

"what ? no ! why would I even do that? "

" I dont know maybe you think im annoying but breaking up with me is too hard and now you're getting rid of me

the old fashioned way. "

I sat there with a bland look on my face . " yu that doesn't mean make any sense , If I found you annoying , why would

I be asking you to move in with me ?

he sat back with a stunned look on his face , " what ... you want me to move in with you ?"

" We'll we've been together for a while now and I think we're ready to take our realtionship to the next step ,"

as I said as I handed him the keys to my apartment , " so yu would you like to move on with me ?"

I stood up , he grabbed me and kiss me on the foredhead , " yes ofcourse I would love to but wouldn't it be better that

we built our own house after this ?

" we will get there yu ."

" I love you jill "

" I blushed ... " I love you too yu ."

at a loss for words , I did the onlt that I was appropriate to do , he ran to me and embraced me . " thank you , he said

our favorite stuffs and ourselves , we meant the world to eachother and nothing can separate the both of us .

I felt like the most luckiest man alive to have you by my side ."

A few more months passed and I our love only grew during those times . We knew everything about ourselves .

(AUTUMN🍁)

YU'S POV

that day , we were supposed to meet by the park where we first met . The autumn leaves were starting to fall , the

wind had started to turn cold , and I was sweating with anticipation . WE were together for 10 months , that's not

a long time , I bought her the ring last week , it wasn't the fanciest ring out there but I thought that she would

okay with it , I waited for her at the bench where we met each other for the first time , I was lost in thought of

our future together , the family we would make , when I heared the screaming ,

I immediately ran towards it , it was a car crash and as I move through the crowd and I saw a body lying on the ground,

it was jillian ... I wa shocked , I immediately ran towards her , held her and yelled , " Somebody please ! Somebody

call an ambulance ! frustrated at the slow reaction of the crowd , I carried her all the way to a nearby hospital .

I slammed through the door and screamed , " Somebody help! Somebody help my girlfriend ! " One of the nurses took her

and send her to the operating room . I followed close behind but was stopped by one of the staff. ' i'm sorry you

have to wait here ." and then it started the most frustrating few hours of my life . it was agonizing , the uncertainty

of what is to happen , the self - blame that I had to endure , and the feeling of helpless was consuming me .

after a solid 5 hours , one of the doctors came up to me , " So doc , when can I see my girlfriend ? "

the doctor just stood there , unsure of how to break the bad news , but i could already tell.

I'm sorry ," the doctor said as I began to break down in tears , " we found this in her backpack . I think

you would like to keep it ." he handed me his a box and as I opened it there are two rings inside a couple ring

the last thing of hers that I held . I sat back down looking through her at the morgue with her cold body .

my eyes filled nothing but tears .

A week after her death , here we are now , at her funeral . Her family asked me to do a speech on her behalf .

I'm nervous , anxious about what to say . and worried that I don't get to say what I need to say . But as I

walk towards the altar and as her coffin is being burried , "My love for her will never falter and yet my heart

has dropped and may never rise again just as the leaves of an autumn ."

( END)

@queenlupitajones

I would like to apologize sir for passing this after the deadline 🙏

BY : Angel Joyce Gallogo

HUMSS 3

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comicbooksidecharacter · 5 years

Text

Hiraeth [Part 6]

Bucky Barnes X OC (Amelia Stone)

Hiraeth: (n.) “longing or deep yearning for a place, time, feeling or person long gone; or that never was.”

Previously: The OC was tortured at HYDRA base, and was saved by the Avengers. She has no recollection of what happened to her for 8 months. Her nightmares and PTSD cause her to take a break from the Avengers. She lives anonymously in Romania, until a blue eyed stranger seems to recognize her.

Panting and trying to make sense of what happened, she decided to go back to the bus stop. She couldn't look for him. Her wits wrestled with her guilt for an upper hand. She SHOULD be doing something about this. What if he were HYDRA? The bus was due in 10 minutes and she was sitting on one of the chairs, feeling her belly. He hadn't kicked her as hard as he could have, just enough to make her fall. His questions, those eyes, and that unfathomable look in them, sketched themselves onto her memory. No matter how much she tried, no answer turned up. What did turn up was a headache so she let it go.

Her thoughts took a sharp turn when she heard the sound of explosions going off somewhere. It was from a nearby apartment building somewhere. People began to shuffle and run away, eager to take the first shelter they find. Her own eyes rose to the sky, and her mouth gaped when she saw someone jump off some 20th floor to the neighboring roof. This man, if she could calculate the silhouette well, was one with nerve. Then another jumped off. And then another.... the man who's shadow she could read in the dark. Steve Rogers.

She wanted to keep out of it even though her heart told her to go help. But Steve was there so it would be fine. By the time the bus arrived, she was the only one who got up and told the very anxious driver that he should just drive. It was around 7 in the evening when she heard the knock on her door. It could either be three people: her landlord to collect rent early, one of the woodpeckers who lived in a tree nearby, or Steve Rogers.

"Why the hell are you here?", She asked. Steve leaned in to give her a hug. God it felt good to have him here. She could cry. He was such a good friend and a good leader. Her eyes were glistening when he let her go.

"I had to come see you", he smiled, looking around her house and then her, from head to toe, like a mother, trying to examine if the girl was okay after all. "Considering that you didn't even call me knowing I was in Romania."

"I don't watch TV so much", she said, ushering him in. He did seem like he had to leave but he could sit a few minutes.

"How are you?"

"Better. Seeing you here..."

"I'm here too", another sound fell in her ear that genuinely made her laugh.

"SAM!"

She almost jumped into Sam's arms, feeling her heart beat harder and slower, promising herself not to cry. "Long time no see."

"Yeah", Sam said, studying her little establishment. "Wait.", she spoke, "Does anyone know you're here?"

"No one", Steve said, "Sam will stay quiet about this too"

She smiled and told them to sit while she made coffee and brought them something to eat. They talked about everything. They even told her why they were there. Steve had to put his hand under her chin and close it for her when he told her about the accords, and that he was actually there to get Bucky. The complicated ordeal with T’Chaka and his son was also discussed.

"Seems like whenever I am NOT around, the most dramatic situations take place in the Avengers' Initiative"

There was silence. Not a serene one, an awkward one. Words were forming in Steve's head, but couldn't find their way out. Sam's eyes turned to Cap over and over again, and Ellie was surprised that even he couldn't blurt whatever haunted his mind.

"We need your help, Ellie", Steve finally heaved. "There's something that's come up and we need someone with a mind as ...."

"Twisted", Sam filled in, making her roll her eyes.

"INTELLIGENT", Steve said pointedly, "as yours to help us through this predicament."

Silence prevailed like darkness does in the night. She was rummaging her mind for peace, for calmness to hear him out, but as soon as he mentioned the team, all she felt was a pang in her chest. The memories of the painful nights in the tower re-emerged, fresh, as if they never had left.

"I would never have asked you, but seeing that Tony has already made up his mind about the accords and the other smart guy has gone, we need your help."

"Steve, I can't go back there. At least not now", she replied, "Not when...."

Steve and Sam's heads shot up with curiosity, given because of her condition to be honest. "I just don't feel good about this right now. I have a lot of baggage to go through and..." "Not when what?", Sam rather abruptly reeled the conversation back to the elephant in the room, when both Steve and Amelia didn't have to courage to continue the discussion.

"Not when THIS is happening", she said and drew in a big breath. Her fingers traced along the collar of her shirt and she gently pulled it downwards, allowing their eyes to set on the wound. They had first seen it bleeding during a fight, and then covered in bandages when she woke up.

The wound was a strange color of red and black now, looking like angry hot lava covered by a layer of iron dust. No wound was supposed to look like this, unless something was very wrong.

"What is this?", Steve asked, pointing at it, "How long has it been like that? Did you get it checked?"

"They say it's partial nerve damage because a small chunk of my flesh was gone, I guess. A depression in the cavity or whatever they call it. Apart from that, nothing wrong, medically."

"But?", Sam chimed in, curious enough that the hair at the back of his neck seemed to stand out.

"But I don't know. There are days when the wound is fine. Other days it hurts like someone is scratching open my flesh. And somedays, like today, it is BURNING."

"It could just be... one of those injuries that never fully heal", Sam gave a faint smile, "I had a buddy in the battalion who lost a foot and still complains about pain to this day."

"It's not a normal wound. I don't know what it is...", her shirt was covering the wound again.

"Are you sure?", Steve spoke in a doubtful tone again. She looked at him incredulously. "Are you sure that you don't know what it is?"

"Steve the last time you asked me this question..."

"Well, I don't know what to say about this or believe in, Amelia!", Steve said, hands on his waist, brows furrowed because of some mental torment. "First that incident. And that could be an accident, but now this. If you're scared that we are going to judge you, don't be. We are a team. We help each other out."

"Nothing is wrong with me Steve", she pleaded, "I really don't know about either of the two incidents you've mentioned. I just..."

"Just what? Amelia just come with us. Please. Tony could have it checked out and you'd be fine... what if it's.... some sort of ... "

"I don't want to come back Steve. I'm not ready yet. I don't think I can operate properly as long as I have these things clouding my objectivity. Avengers' strategists should be on top of their game."

"Even when you're not on top of your game, you can plan better than any of us", Sam said. "Cap is right. You should come with us now. That THING could kill you one of these days, worst case scenario."

She shook her head and crashed on the sofa, a throbbing headache welcoming her to the reality of her predicament. Steve and Sam looked at each other defeatedly.

"I'm sorry guys. Not today. I would never hesitate to help you, you know that. But my mental state isn't helping me here..."

"You're being inconsiderate. Of yourself. And of your team."

"I'm. being. inconsiderate?", she repeated the words, "I am trying to hold on to the few fragments of sanity I've got left inside me, and I'm the one being inconsiderate? I'm here trying to find some MEANING behind my life, and trying to hold on to reality when my mind is going numb because of my mental issues. I know you see things differently than I do, but the last thing I am being or want to be, is inconsiderate."

A woodpecker had probably settled into the left wall of the cabin that faced the lake, seeming to flow gentler than it did in the morning. There was a constant pecking on the wall now. She went ahead and tapped on the wall, a rushed sound of feathered escape faded in the background. "If I go back there, the nightmares might return." "Maybe.." "and this wound, and my head too, will be in pain..." "And the only way to avoid all of this is to stay away from the whole superhero trying to protect the earth thing....." "I can't come back. I didn't say I won't come back EVER. I meant not now. As soon as I think that I am better, or if my wound gets WORSE and I dont know what to do with it, I'll be there in a heartbeat."

"Okay.", Steve sighed, his tone drenched in worry and sadness. They began to pick up their jackets. She just realized that birds had come back to whatever tiny homes they had built in the woods, because the symphony had started.

"By the way", she said, rubbing her forehead, "You never showed me this Bucky guy. What does he look like? I mean, I have had the honor of being shot at by him. But I'm really curious to see his face."

Sam took out his phone and seemed to fidget with it before giving it to her. She turned the screen to herself. There he was, that mysterious blue-eyed man, surrounded by numerous SHIELD agents, next to a man clad in a black cat? suit. The incident of the morning replayed itself before her.

"I'm coming with you", she announced.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #winter soldier imagines #winter soldier imagine #winter soldier #sam wilson #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan #tony stark #steve rogers #hiraeth part 6 #hiraeth #marvel #marvel imagines #avengers #avengers imagine

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flockofdoves · 5 years

Note

4, 9, 25!

omg.. these are all questions when looking through it i was like. i have a lot of Thoughts abt those ones fdkgjhdfkg. thank you angel!!! also please don’t feel obligated to read All This

i’m kinda embarrassed i wrote this much but i’m not good at editing things down after the fact

4. do you like your name? is there another name you think would fit you better?

i do! chiara is my birthname and at times through my life i’ve wished for a more androgynous/masculine name but i guess like. my name and its pronunciation and spelling and what it meant to my mom in naming me has been consistent throughout my life i don’t feel like myself without that. if i grew up in italy i’d probably feel differently though bc at least in the north its become like . italian “maddie” lol i get so confused when i go there bc all of a sudden i’ll be hearing my name everywhere

chiaroscura i came up with as a melodramatic kid after i got excited about reading the tale of despereaux that the rat character chiaroscuro had a name so similar to mine and i thought it was cool he shortened it to roscuro. i liked the art style too and it helped people know how to pronounce my name sometimes. no one irl really called me roscura but i’ve been going by it online in addition to chiara since i was a tween

i’ve tried to go by other names throughout my life like cj and arie (pronounced in 3 syllables ah-ree-ay) and rio but none of them really stuck outside of very specific contexts even if i wanted something more androgynous i think i’m just ingrained with this. i’ve thought about having it be chiaroscuro instead but chiaro for short just seems dumb. idk. and even if roscuro sounds fine roscura isnt just Me me its also a name i really associate with like uhhhh.. some dissociative alter stuff so i wouldnt want to take that away from her idk

i was sure when i was younger i’d want to change my middle and last name. my middle name is anne lol so thats very common and i thought it was boring and didnt feel like Me and too feminine etc but in the past couple years with my nana (dads mom) dying and her name was ann and then also my grandma (moms mom) is annette and my moms own middle name is anne i guess even if i dont like it without context i can keep it for history

similarly with my last name. its anglicized swedish and i have no connection to that part of my family and when i was having a really difficult time with my dad i didn’t want it but now that hes died and our relationship got better towards the end i’m more okay with it.

not sure what i’ll do if i ever get married. also have considered changing my name if i ever have trouble with how fucking stupid i’ve been with being openly a communist/disabled/gay/etc online with my full name since i was 11 lol but i doubt that

9. are you an artist?

lol. i’m not sure anymore tbh :( i at least drew stuff almost every day of my life up until like a bit over a year ago now and even if i didn’t think i was any “good” compared to my peers in like . high school AP art who went on to art school and stuff it was a big part of my identity but i let myself fall out of it even when i’d never let depression do that before and just didn’t get that momentum again. i stress about it almost every day since then i keep saying i’m Finally getting back into it but beyond like . art therapy when i was in a php program or the couple sculpture classes i took before i had to drop out of even part time classes and then a few sketches i still haven’t really provably picked things up again. and its not just digital art or cartooning its also my other creative passions like making clothing and cosplay and making stories i feel like a shell of a person without it i’m tired of saying i’ll Soon get back into it. got as far as sketching something for an actual traditional art thing last week so maybe if i finish that i can prove to myself again. i think i have trouble and why i stopped is i wasn’t doing art because i enjoyed the process anymore, i wanted the final product to be good and got discouraged and fell into a grating routine to make art. i need to learn how to enjoy that process again (or just? let myself? idk) i really need to learn that with making comics because i don’t have much proof at all that i can make things beyond like. 6 pages long. and of course with webcomics you’re constantly learning and growing in developing them thats part of the medium. i want to be able to call myself an artist again even if its hard to see that right now. i almost started drawing before i started answering this right now. i hate that i keep pushing it off. i’ve definitely said this before, but it has to be soon

25. could you live as a hermit?

i think this past 9 months has been the closest i’ve ever been to a hermit and its made me very confident that i absolutely could not lmao. i’m so sick of this i need to see proof of life beyond this place and with irl interaction with loved ones beyond my mom on a regular basis stagnating here for even a few months longer is just too much i don’t even feel like a real person anymore and thats concerning on multiple levels lol. its wild to me i even got to this point and kind of ironic that i feel the most isolated i’ve ever felt once i moved to one of the biggest cities in this country. right now i’m sustaining myself by chasing hope of a way out with the start of maybe actual concrete steps towards just . seeing people i love again irl. but honestly even that is freaking me out because realistically it might take longer to get out of this than i’d like to and i really can’t handle being in this situation more than a few months more.

also just in a general sense i think humans need to collaborate and provide for each other. individualist fantasies of just providing for oneself and not having to care for others both jsut . tend to not actually be accurate and can be pretty reactionary. so many people are so isolated in many ways under capitalism and that makes divide and conquer easier but to ensure a future where that won’t be the case we need to build community/dual power/solidarity/etc etc. i feel a bit guilty i’m not putting my actions where my mouth is with that as an individual right now but i guess it makes sense how i got here when so much is structurally at play. its weird intellectualizing that balance sometimes.

i’m so sorry this turned into some fucking . vent tumblr therapy session jesus christ fdgkjhd

#cpost #asks #futchitachii

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gracedandelioninkmind · 5 years

Text

Since it's pride month

For most of my time at school betweeb last september and febrary I had a crush on this girl. And you see Id been working through how feelings and sexuality work for me ever since the end of high school, because id been realizing that id never been actively interested in kissing or anything intimate with anyone. Id had plenty of what I call Sparks of Interests, where I just enjoyed looking at someone, talking to them, but more and in a different way than normally for friends. But all of those Interests were towards guys. I loved talling to my friends about guys and hypotheticals about them. I always envisioned myself in a man and woman couple and I loved that opposites pairing in every romance. But I wouldnt say that the ppssibility that I could be interested in girls hadnt crossed my mind. It didnt when I was little, and it didnt in middle school when I told girls that I didnt like boys, because they were stupid, and someoen asked if I was a lesbian. But in high school there was this awesome chick that transferred into our school. I woulsnt say I was overtly attracted to her, I certainly never had any fantasies about her, but I just thought she was so cool and I definitely wanted her to like me and to be friends eith her. Her twin brother was cool too. Oh oh and dont let me forget that one year I was apart of the schools journalism program and some of us were sitting around the classroom and I suddenly giggled at something I was reading, and this one nice tomboy girl was like omygod was that you that was the most adorable sound. I was so flustered, i will never forget that compliment.

But still i was straight. I fantasized about m/f relationships, not necessarily involving me because I cant often envision myself eith just anyone. I just think that romance is fascinating and enthralling and sometimes lots of things can be interesting.

And then I was reading a fanfic, and the girl was asexual, and Id been thinking about asexuality as an explanation for why I just didnt think i wanted to be sexual with anyone id ever met. But it didnt feel quite right because I know i mustve felt some attraction to some guys before, and definitely felt attraction to actors and such.

And then my friend gave me the term Gray Asexuality to research. Have you ever been putting together a puzzle and u put a piece in place, and it looks right and the picture doesnt seem to be wrong--but then you find another piece that looks so similar and you try it instead and it fits so much better, not loose or jammed. That was my feeling finding out that there was this complexity to sexuality and romance to explain why things just always feel so subtle for me. To explain why I can crave love but I really very often find that the very idea of kissing and sex is just awkward and weird to imagine for myself. It explained part of why my one week relationship fell through. Id had a crush on the guy since first meeting him at the start if the school year, and i had been so excited when he asked me out, and it was fun to hold hands and hug. But i hadnt wanted to kiss him, and it had bene so annoying when my friend told me i should kiss him, even just on the cheek. It just hadnt felt like there was a very big difference between my friendship with him and dating him.

So i got to thinking over all of my feelings towards all sorts of people. And if my sexuality and attraction was as rare and subdued as all that towards men, then I felt that maybe I hadnt wuite recognized any feelings id had towards girls.

And after discovering the asexual spectrum, i finally had some very interesting dreams, the likes of which id never had before turning 18 let me tell you. And they didnt only focus on men anymore.

And then i was in my second year at college, and i hadnt had many more dreams, and i hadnt found any real crushes my first year. But my second year i started working at the library, and one day this cute asian girl came through with a polite hello as she passed the front desk where i sat politely greeting everyone for my first week. I found myself memorizing her immediately. I would hope to catch her eye, catch a hello, a goodbye. I found myself glancing over to ehere she sat if she was in sight. And when she came to check out dvds i memorized her name immediately, all the more because id seen it on a study desk while doing rounds. See i hadnt knoem that if someone leaves something at their desk ee leave it alonenso id taken the open umbrella doem to the front desk and asked my coworkers and they said to put it back so i remembered the namr on the desk and returned it. So when i saw this cute girls name and recognized it from that desk, it almsot felt like fate. But that was silly. And i only thought she seemed nice and she was cute. That was all.

But then i was trying to capture her likeness on paper, ehich didnt go well those first few sketches because i hadnt gotten any good looks at her face. And after finding out her name I suddenly heard it cropping up elsewhere, and i was talking to my friends about her. My friends did not agree that i wasnt crushing. I insisted that i just wanted to get to know her was all. And then one day at lunch a new friend id made in class invited me to sit with her and her friends, and she mentioned an Eliza. Boy the anticipation, the excitement, the shy feelings, and the satisfaction when the very same girl sat with us.

Then that same friend invited me to a movie night at her dorm lounge with her friends, and when i asked who all would be there, anyone i know, she said maybe. I wondered to myself if She would be there. When i got into the dorm, lost and unfamiliar with the halls, waiting for my friend to come find me, I suddenly heard teo voices from upstairs. I knew one was my new friend, and with joy i recognized the other as Her. As it turned out She was the only other friend to join us. We 3 spent the night watching black panther and history of japan, getting to know each other, and I painted Her nails. It was different touching her hands then itd ever been with another girl. I found myself hoping for something. I hoped at least that she would like me as a person and wed be friends.

Every interaction after was a treasure for me. Moments we happened to be alone, when she offered to keep me company at lonely meals, when we had a big kdrama hangout and she did my hair, etc etc.

I had to acknowledge that it was crush of course. I told my closest friends about it.

And one day this crazy thing happened. I was sitting with Her and our friend and the two of us apart from Her were discussing dating apps and whatnot. And She asked why was i even concerned eith that stuff anyways. Id been thinking by then that she might be aspec because she never threw in her oen teo cents about interest in relationships whrn we discussed these things. I explained that i just wanted to try dating. I hadnt ever been on a real date.

While our friend was continuing with another topic, i heard Her say that She could take me on a date. My mind caught on it, but the topic had changed, and I felt that it couldnt have been serious. And so i gushed and whined about it to my friends. But the next day I brought it up as a joke with our group of friends, and she acknowledged that shed said it. Our friends supported it, because why not. Theres such a thing as a friendly joke date. I kind of messed it up i think though because when it was jsut us parting ways after brunch, she said she was going downtown, and i said That couldve been our date. And she agreed and invited me along. I wish id been dressed cuter. But it was fine, and it was a nice enough date, though i dont think she had any experience or interedt in how dates usually worked--it wasnt a serious date anyways, so i wouldnt get my hopes up. I wouldnt be invested. But wr passed a friend of hers, another cute girl maybe smaller than me, and She told her that we were on a date. That felt significant.

The next day i brought up that wed gone on the date to my group of friends, with Her sitting next to me. And she became so awkward, and after my friends congratulated us, she told me It wasnt a real date. On the outside i played it off casually saying Listen do you know how excited friends get about dates let me have this. On the inside i was so disappointed and heartbroken and a bit defensively angry with her. I announced to the table that she wasnt to make sure everyone knew it wasnt a real date. What i was really saying was hey friends she just crushed my heart.

But we were still friends. And after a while i got okay again. She hadnt even noticed anything had gone wrong.

At some point I told that first mutual friend about my crush on Her. Id been withholding eho my crush was on from her for a while and she hadnt even guessed Her. But when I told her she said everything made sense.

And then she set us up for a valentines day date. I couldnt believe it. She jsut randomly messaged me Would u want Her to be ur valentines date. And i was like Id appreciate any date tbh but yeah id like to go on a date with Her. And apparently She just agreed. I couldnt tell you why she did any of the things she did. But i can tell you that thru some conversations it became clear that my hypothesis was likely accurate. She didnt understand dates, she didnt see the difference beteren friend date and real date. This was just this nice outing with a friend. Part of me was okay with that, because i did simply enjoy Her. But another part of me felt unfulfilled and sad. But we had a nice date anyways. I learned even mroe about her and she made me this oittle clay blueberry because i would sometimes just pick out a blueberry at the dining hall and admire its beauty. It was a very nice date and i got to dress up cute for someone. I didnt let myself hope for much.

And then i was talking to more of our mutual friends about crushing on Her, and someone told me that shed asked Her out before and that her response had been something along the lines of not being interested like that. We all agreed that She likely just doesnt have any interest in romance or whatnot.

And so i began burying it away. My mourning period passed. She graduated, and its all over. My first ever crush on a non-man. It had been nice.

Btw her ringtone in my phone was Mindy Gledhill's I Do Adore.

#gray asexual #personal experience #asexual spectrum #bisexual #pansexual

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