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#i know i shouldnt be wearing them as often as i do

sanstropfremir · 2 years

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which male idol in your opinion has the best style? if we exclude stylists’s outfits and group appearances. Also who do you think dresses up? Like maybe wearing clothes that are not them just bc it’s the trend. would love to read your opinion on that xx

oh dawn, 100%. he has some of the best understanding of fashion and specfically how to use silhouette and statement pieces. key obviously, also. all the guys in a.c.e are pretty well dressed but particularly sehyoon and donghun (whom i think dress the others actually lol)! both of them play around a lot with silhouette also, and sehyoon in particular loves accessories and will pull some insane combos that i am obsessed with:

(that's his mom's watch in the second one btw)

suho also has really great taste, his instagram now that he's come back is just a parade of nice clothes. tbh it can be kind of hard to tell when idols are dressing themselves and when it's a stylist, especially just from pictures, if you don't know what event it is/have the context of what they were doing at the time. and added onto that, a lot of the items in idols wardrobes are gifts, either from sponsorships or fans etc, so in terms of 'people that wear clothes that they wouldn't normally', well that's just most idols lmao. you do also run into the phenomenon of guys with good pieces in their wardrobes but don't seem to be all that versed in fashion (minho, junhee), and this comes down to a grey area where a lot of guys just do not know how to dress. that doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't interested in dressing well, it just means that it's not something that they have much experience in and they don't know how to go about asking. so often they end up with those good pieces bc a stylist puts it on them/gives them advice and they either take it home or find something similar to it, which puts them in a kind of a limbo spot in this particular ranking system; they would not have known about or gone out and bought that item if the stylist had not shown it to them, but it also doesn't mean that they're 'dressing up' bc it's something that they do like. you can see minho talk about this in his devil wears jungnam episode actually!

#oh i probably shouldnt forget gd. his personal style is actually very good #i was debating whether or not to put hongjoong on here #bc he IS very well dressed and i know he often has a hand in his own stylings and is interested in fashion #but often when we see him 'off duty' he's wearing comfortable/lounge clothes #and you kind of run into a weird defining line here of: yes ppl are 'dressing up' for camera appearances #but there's specific instances in which people who do put a lot of time into fashion will wear specific things #and i know this from experience. i wear different things when i go out and know that im going to be seen than i do when im at home alone #is there some overlap between those two spheres? yes. but both are still true to me yanno?#kpop questions #kpop styling #text #answers #OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE I ALMOST FORGOT BAMBAM #junhee has a fucking killer pair of pants that he wears sometimes that i do NOT know where he got them from but they are so fucking good #and he wears them sometimes but he self admits to not knowing anything about fashion #tbh this is not exclusive to men it affects ppl of all genders #also i dont really think much about people 'dressing up' as 'not themselves' bc sometimes its fun to wear clothes you wouldnt normally #the only thing that i dont particularly like that is a part of 'dressing up' is obviously branded luxury items #but ive already talked about that before lol #and it looks doubly out of place in casual wear like come on you did not need to buy a prada bucket hat

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rohirric-hunter · 2 years

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I have what I like to call a “makeup-passing” face, which means that my eyelashes are dark and my lips are red and my skin is more or less the same color across the board by default, and by and large one of the most hilarious conversations I’ve ever had was when this adult woman went off about this sixteen-year-old in our work group who never wore any makeup. Now, I didn’t like this girl, her personality was just miserable and she was horrible at teamwork, but neither of those things have anything to do with makeup. So this adult woman started going on about how she never wears any makeup, and I was like, “Uh, well, I don’t wear makeup either,” hoping that would angle the conversation back towards her actual flaws, but this woman was not letting up. She said, “I’m not asking her to wear a ton, but every woman who respects herself should have a little lipstick and some basic mascara every day,” and I got a little fed up and said, “I don’t own any mascara and I only wear lipstick with evening gowns,” and this adult woman just kind of stared at me for almost forty seconds before going. “Well. You can do that.” Like she was so obviously trying so hard to avoid saying that I was pretty enough to do that but this other girl wasn’t because even she could tell it was kind of a shitty thing to say when it was that plainly put, but she was also having a lot of trouble getting over this “wearing makeup is the way for a woman to respect herself (and the people around her)” hump and it was honestly genuinely funny.

#i was eighteen at the time and not especially confrontational #i probably shouldnt have been shit talking the girl but listen she was horrible to work with #i never intended for the conversation to go further than #'i dont like working with her' 'me neither shes annoying'#but such is the nature of such conversations they often go further than you meant #anyway tho her makeup habits had nothing to do with why she was hard to work with #i think the woman thought it was another symptom of her personality flaws? but like genuinely there are so many reasons #to not wear makeup or to wear it #you cant make assumptions across the board about why someone does it or what it says about them #but yeah #i wouldnt say im lucky to look like this because i cant go to a corner store without the cashier asking for my number #but then i also dont have to hear random makeup lectures from older women who arent my mother so #you win some you lose some i guess #its not super comforting when i know theyre mostly only refraining from the lectures because they think im wearing makeup #i did actually wear quite a bit of foundation/eyeshadow/lipstick in college #i was experimenting #also the foundation had acne medicine in it and it was fantastic #some of the best ive used #but after i ran out i couldnt find the same brand again so i stopped doing that #sometimes i get wild colored lipstick and wear it tho #esp blue

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 2 months

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Love is Stored in the Cat: A Nepeta Leijon Character Study

I guess these are a series now! I also have a request for Feferi in my inbox that I'll get around to eventually.

SO! Dear, sweet Nepeta.

Nepeta is the troll that is most against the existence of the hemocaste.

I believe the Ultimate Self speech was originally going to be from her, not Davepetasprite^2.

She's bad at shipping.

These all make her extremely impurrtant!!!

So furst of all, I'm going to start with the same disclaimer as my Eridan essay (go read that first!!! It sets up a lot of ideas that I'm expanding on here), which is that the things Hussie says are going to be lowered in value, because he likes to play coy about plot stuff. I'm also not counting anything but the actual text as canon, and even with in that text, I'm counting everything after GAME OVER as soft canon - a suggestion of what would have been, often truncated for time, often a deliberate middle finger to the shitty fandom.

Okay, so with that squared away!

Nepeta Says Fuck The Hemocaste

I'm not going to bother doing a deep dive on Nepeta's characterization, because fur the most part, I think the fandom more or less gets her right - she wears her heart (h33h33) on her sl33ve, after all! She's a very sweet little catgirl who loves roleplay and shipping, who is also a vicious hunter of wild beasts and lives in a cave. She's very nice and friendly, but has a tough streak and a spine.

She also says fuck the hemocaste, why does that even exist:

CT: D --> Your fraternization with the base classes have 100sened your morals, can't you see this AC: :33 < no! i dont care, they are fun AC: :33 < and i dont know anything about classes or bases or blood color, it doesn't matter! AC: :33 < what does gr33n blood even mean! it doesnt mean anything to me and it shouldnt mean anything to anyone else!

This is a radical stance not outright shared by any of the other trolls. Aradia calls highbloods "hateful sn0bs" that she and Tavros shouldn't have "ever had anything t0 d0 with", the highbloods are, of course, all casteist to varying degrees, and even Karkat seems fairly accepting of the class divide, at one point taunting Vriska that her rejection from the blue team is "ANOTHER INFURIATING VICTORY FOR GUTTER BLOOD OVER ARISTOCRACY". Not to mention his long-held dream of becoming a threshecutioner.

Even Feferi, despite saying to Eridan that "W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!!", is actually perfectly comfortable with the caste system's existence, comparing having to stop using her royal typing quirk to "peasant-IFICATING" herself - and let's not forget that a Beforus under her rule had its caste system 100% intact.

This means that Nepeta is the ONLY troll who has said, in no uncertain terms, that the caste system should not exist. It's stupid, it's bad, and it doesn't meowtter!

AND SHE'S RIGHT.

But she's never able to fully express this opinion, which brings us to:

A COMPLICKATED RELATIONSHIP WITH EQUIUS

Now, before I say anything, I must insist that I do believe these two work as good moirails. That does not, however, stop them from being 13, and therefore, being poor to each other the way 13-year-olds sometimes are. I don't think they should break up; I think they should re-examine certain dynamics, and I think they need some space to breathe apart from each other.

Equius has a lot of problems, which I won't get into overmuch here, because... that's a whole essay on its own (are you people seeing a trend yet). But with regards to Nepeta specifically, he's extremely controlling and protective, to the point where she's a little scared of him before the game begins:

AC: :33 < well it does sound like it will be a lot of fun but i think i should get purrmission first GC: BL4R!!!!! GC: TH4TS SO STUP1D GC: H3S NOT TH3 BOSS OF YOU AC: :33 < i know! AC: :33 < but still im kind of scared of him and i think purrhaps its best to just run it by him first so there isnt a kerfuffle about it or anything

She's also afraid to tell him about her crush on Karkat, since she knows he doesn't like Karkat:

AC: :33 < well AC: :33 < i have never told anybody this not even my moirail AC: :33 < heh, actually hes the LAST guy i might tell, he so wouldnt appurrve X33 AC: :33 < but yes i have liked somebody for quite some time, but alas he doesnt know it

By the time they end their game, she's gotten over this fear, seeing as she spends many hours curled up with Equius in a pile of robotics parts, but it still must be noted that they have some issues in their relationship that were never resolved, primarily on Equius's end. What this means for Nepeta, however, is that in addition to setting her up as the most outright anti-classism troll, the comic sets her up to be socially isolated due to her moirail's paranoia about letting her associate with both lowbloods (seeing them as bad influences) OR other highbloods, seeing them as dangerous.

He's not entirely wrong - his refusal to allow her to participate in FLARP kept her from winding up entangled in the horrible chain of revenge, as Tavros alludes:

AT: iT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST, AT: tHAT YOU LISTEN TO HIM, AC: :33 < i dont know AC: :33 < you think so? AT: wELL, AT: iF YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO HIM BEFORE, AT: yOU MIGHT HAVE PLAYED GAMES WITH US BEFORE, AT: aND SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU, AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps

But he's still wrong. And it's probably an uncontrolled manifestation of his Heir of Void abilities - he's both consciously and unconsciously hiding her from other people.

This isn't to say she doesn't stand up for herself! Many of her discussions with Equius are pseudo-arguments, and she does get her way often enough, managing to get him to roleplay with her, and managing to get him back in the roboti% pile to talk about his feelings about Aradia. She also talks to the humans explicitly against Equius's orders, although she's keeping it a sneakret from him:

NEPETA: :33 < but equius already furbid me from doing that :(( NEPETA: :33 < not that i am listening to him, but shhhhh! :33 KARKAT: WAIT, HE DID? KARKAT: OK, THEN AS YOUR LEADER I ORDER YOU TO RP WITH THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. BE AS OBNOXIOUS ABOUT IT AS YOU CAN. NEPETA: :33 < yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

But the fact that she has to tiptoe around him like this speaks to them having issues in their relationship that go unexamined and unresolved, especially since it's clear that Nepeta really would like to be friends with more people, were Equius not getting in her way. So, even though I do think they are good moirails for each other - they clearly genuinely, deeply care about one another. But they could use some relationship counselling.

In fact, Jasprosesprite^2 outright calls her lonely:

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Or the girl who likes ships! Cause they made her less lonely. ;3

So, she's anti-hemocaste and lonely, two character traits that were set up and never resolved. And beclaws this is Nepeta, in her honor, I'm going to talk about a third:

Her Unrequited Crush On Karcat

She has the BIGGEST flushed crush on Karkat. It's seen on her shipping wall twice, once with the word OTP on it.

And, despite never discussing it with her moirail, Nepeta mentions it once to Jaspersprite, and once to Jasprosesprite^2.

Now, I'm not really here to debate on the validity of KatNep - I think it's fine, even if I don't personally ship it, and don't personally think it would work out (there are lots of indications that they wouldn't work out, including Jasprosesprite^2 outright saying so). However, her crush on Karkat is both complicated and creates some interesting setups for her character. I am going to discuss it fairly critically either way, so KatNep shippers have been warned.

A lot of her feelings about Karkat - and about shipping in general - wind up being heavily interlinked with her status as a Hero of Heart, so I'm going to expand on it more there. But what I will note in this section is the fact that, despite Nepeta insisting twice that she doesn't think Karkat knows about her crush on her:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < it was karkat NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but i never told him and im pretty sure he never found out how i felt!

He tooootally did:

KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME. KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK?

Interpret that how you will for shipping purposes, but I want to propose that this is a reflection of their statuses as Heart and Blood players. Heart, despite its players' obsessions with romance, is not the romance aspect, Blood is. Karkat displays this very same romantic acumen when he tells Dave that he's known Terezi and Gamzee were a thing for a long time, despite everyone else on the meteor trying to keep it a secret from him. Heart is, instead, about identity, feelings, motivations, souls, and self. In other words:

Nepeta Is Kind Of Bad At Shipping

Let's take a look at those shipping walls.

Let's break this down a little. Nepeta's ships are not entirely wrong, but even the successful ones are kind of wrong. Here's what I mean. We've already discussed how Equius and Nepeta's moirallegiance has some... issues in it. If we go down her list of ships that actually do happen, most of them have some issues in them!

Aradia expresses her regret for getting together with Equius in the Ministrife. Kanaya and Rose suffer some major relationship problems when Rose starts drinking, to the point Karkat feels a need to step in as an auspice. Karkat and Gamzee fail, as Karkat is not calmed by Gamzee, and Gamzee stops listening to Karkat. And while Sollux and Feferi seem to be fairly healthy, after they both wind up in the Furthest Ring, he's pretty much always next to Aradia - he and Feferi don't even get to exchange words with each other once they're in the Furthest Ring. Purrsonally, I think he and Feferi are meant to end up as moirails, but shhhh.

So what's happening here? Well, this goes back to her identity as a Heart player. Heart is concerned with feelings and motivations.

They simply want to understand the one thing we all are stuck with for our entire lives, i.e. our own minds. Forging an identity is extremely important to the Heart-bound, and every decision and action goes toward building a coherent narrative of their own story. That isn't to say Heart-bound don't care deeply for their friends and allies; they just have a tendency to assume that everyone is as concerned with identity as they are.

Nepeta's shipping has also been associated with her isolation and loneliness. When you put this together, it implies that Nepeta's shipping is about her desire to understand others, and much of her ships are based on one of the parties having feelings, regardless of compatibility, feasibility, or broader implications. After all, despite the fact that she has pretty terrible romantic acumen, she IS able to instinctively identify that Eridan's advances toward her were insincere:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well ok i guess eridan hit on me a few times NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but his advances always struck me as cr33py and insincere

And that Karkat secretly LOVES and RESPECTS his friends:

JASPROSESPRITE^2: On the contrary Nepeta. You deserve someone who will RESPECT and ADORE you. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well... yes NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i always hoped to find someone like that some day NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dunno maybe youre right but in spite of whatever problems he might have i always felt like i saw something in him that made me think he could be that purrson!

Or knowing that Equius loves to play games, and still feels sad about Aradia exploding:

AC: :33 < i s33 right through your stupid act, who are you trying to kid! AC: :33 < look how you go out of your way to use words that have x's in them so that you can use your silly purrcent signs AC: :33 < or use these absurd words that you can shoehorn a '100' into, even if its not strictly replacing 'loo'!!! AC: :33 < you are so transpurrent AC: :33 < i can tell you like to play games, d33p down you are a guy who likes to play games! AC: :33 < i can smell a guy who likes to play games from so fur away with this nose, you have no idea X33

NEPETA: :33 < she was so happy, just like she used to be, and she said she would s33 you soon! EQUIUS: D --> That's a nice thought, and thank you for sharing it EQUIUS: D --> But it was only a dream, and will surely have no consequence in reality NEPETA: :33 < equius? NEPETA: :33 < are those f33lings i an detecting with my wiggly whiskery nose? EQUIUS: D --> Maybe

Because feelings, and not relationships, are her actual domain.

And speaking of Heart powers...

Nepeta and the Ultimate Self

So from this point forward, I'm going to assume you're more or less agreeing with my take that at some point after Game Over, Hussie - for whatever reason - gave up on his original ending, and wound up truncating his ideas so he could finish the comic faster. I go more into detail about that here.

So, in this hypothetical original ending, I firmly believe that the speech about the Ultimate Self would have come from Nepeta. First, let's take a look at what the "Ultimate Self" entails, as it appears within the comic:

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < everything that ever happens to every version of you is an important part of your ultimate self... like a superceding bodyless and timeless persona that crosses the boundaries of paradox space and unlike god tiers or bubble ghosts or whatever, it really IS immortal DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but in your physical form there are all these partitions in your mind that prevent you from remembering any of that which makes your existence f33l totally linear DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < which is probably for the best! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in a regular body s33ing all that would be too overwhelming ... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and after it sinks in for a while you start coming to this understanding of a greater self DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe i "got it" quicker though because of the two people i was and their aspects DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < understanding heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta never got to make much headway with her aspect but shes finally gettin the chance DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the time aspect is all about running into different versions of yourself so you kinda get confronted with it in a really literal way that can be disturbing DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < obviously davesprite stuggled with that too, but now its fine DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hes fr33 from worrying about it all and what it means for his place in reality DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < because he can s33 now all his selves have relevance in painting the full picture of who he truly is DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im not COMPLETELY sure because im not like some sort of ASPECT MASTER but DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my avian slash feline intuition tells me that all roads will lead you here eventually DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < gaining the d33pest possible understanding of any aspect will bring you to the same final conclusion about your ultimate self

Now, I believe - and I hope you'll agree - that it's kind of lame, narratively, for Davesprite to have been set up with so much angst about not being the "real Dave," and for Nepeta to have all her issues with loneliness and shyness, and for these two specific iterations of each other to have never interacted, but suddenly getting double-prototyped fixes all of their problems, and they achieve Ultimate Selfhood despite being two total strangers to each other. So let's instead break down the more salient points about what Ultimate Selfhood entails, divorced from the fact that it's Davepetasprite^2 doing the narrating:

Every player in the game possesses an "Ultimate Self," an ultimate culmination of all their experiences and memories, specifically referred to as a "persona"

Normally, people are not aware of this, because it would be too overwhelming to deal with so many memories and iterations of each other.

Everyone will achieve Ultimate Selfhood eventually as the final culmination of their understanding of their aspect.

Heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self.

Let's talk about that last one some more, and by that I mean, let's see what Calliope has to say about it:

TT: I don't know why it had to be this way for me. Juggling these two waking selves at once. TT: I guess I'm used to it, but it still makes for a pretty intense existence. TT: Do you even know what the deal with that is? Like is there any precedent in your readings? UU: i don't know aboUt precedent, bUt it makes plenty of sense to me as the type of path one might expect for a hero of heart. UU: a path rUled by the heart aspect can be a joUrney of splintered self. UU: that is, the player's being may exhibit the same kind of fragmentation which certain classes coUld caUse in others. UU: i think this is what has triggered yoUr dUal-awareness between waking and dream selves, thoUgh it woUld not sUrprise me if the symptoms manifested in even more ways than this.

Now, Dirk has a clawmplicated relationship with his alternate selves, given that he's a Prince, but Nepeta wouldn't have the same struggles, or at least, not to the same degree. The problem is, hampered by Equius and her own shyness about discussing her thoughts and feelings with others:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i get so shy and worried what people might think of me if i say how i f33l NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im always so scared that they wont f33l the same way or just think im stupid or pathetic or something

She never actually gets to explore this part of herself.

But What If... She Did?

The way I imagine the original ending going is that each troll that gets saved by John's interference in the timeline then asks John to help them fix their own mistakes, thereby saving somebody else. Each successive trip through the meteor brings new character development, and also riddles the comic with progressively more password pages, which I think would be really funny. And throughout all this the Game Over team is searching for Vriska, Meenah, and the treasure, and resolving their arcs that way, so it's not like they would be replaced - they're the ones who get to kill LE. The process, in my mind, goes like this:

Terezi asks John to save Vriska, and prevent her from getting too spades with Gamzee, as these are her two greatest regrets.

Vriska obviously had great regrets about killing Tavros, both pre- and post-retcon, so she asks for his death to be prevented.

Tavros staying alive means that he and Gamzee wind up hashing out some stuff - Gamzee mentions that he feels "So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu" while talking to Tavros, and Tavros reciprocates the friendship and also - interestingly - acknowledges Gamzee's religion, calling it beautiful even if he doesn't necessarily believe in it. This is interesting because Karkat's inability to do so is explicitly one of the reasons their moirallegiance broke down. So having Tavros back, alive, means that he and Gamzee would likely end up in some sort of relationship, probably pale despite flushed leanings, and would bring Gamzee back into the fold.

Gamzee would then be like, yeah, wow, that time I killed Nepeta and Equius was pretty bad, huh? Especially since his decision to hang onto his friends' bodies and prototype them is often interpreted as him genuinely feeling bad about his dead friends (he tells Kurloz to shut up when Kurloz mentions all the dead friends, and his religion seems to be about a paradise he wants to share with his friends anyway). So he'd ask John to prevent him from killing them, resulting in the two of them getting to live.

Things get much more hypothetical from here, since so much of the character dynamics would have changed, but I think by this point, Equius might command ask John to let him say goodbye to Aradiabot before she explodes, which he expresses feeling very sad about. However, in doing so, John and Aradiabot end up in the same room, and when she realizes that he has the ability to change the timeline without repercussions, she'd seize him by the arm and demand that he take her back in time, to before she died. After all, she expresses regrets about her reckless actions, and how she always felt like it was all one big setup.

She would take Aradia's place in the Vriska revenge chain, being once more freed of her robot chassis, and from there, would trick Doc Scratch and the Handmaiden into thinking everything was still going according to their designs. Meanwhile, Alive!Aradia would be hanging out at Equius's place, borrowing his void powers to avoid notice, coordinating a new timeline that keeps the beats of the original (too much deviation causes unpredictability, and an paradox'd timeline offshoot without John's direct interference would still become doomed), but allows them greater freedom and the ability to overcome the machinations of Doc Scratch and associates.

This would also prevent Sollux from becoming so self-loathing, since it's no longer "his fault" that Aradia dies, although he winds up in that hole again after Feferi gets killed. Now that his Aradia is alive, he wouldn't feel like he might as well stay in the bubbles because his closest companions are there, so he'd make it to the end, and would ask John to prevent Feferi's death.

Eridan still dies; he's so disconnected and isolated from all his friends that his course of actions is largely unaffected even by everybody else's timeline tweaks. But before Feferi can suggest bringing him back, Karkat would butt in.

The Friendship Troll should be the one to demand that ALL of their friends be revived, especially if they had everyone except only one guy, and Karkat and Eridan are heavily implied to be moirails anyway. The course of Karkat's fixes are so comprehensive, and primarily romance-based, that the end result of this final loop is everybody not only being alive, but god-tiered, with appropriate character development.

Now, where Nepeta's Heart powers would play into all of this is that she would start to notice something going on. After all, Heart players are sensitive to their splintered selves, and (Nepeta) is probably much closer to Nepeta than regular doomed timeline offshoots. As the loops continue, and Nepeta has more and more time to talk to people, and meets her dead alternate selves, and even meets (Nepeta), she starts to awaken to her Ultimate Self - to come into possession of alternate memories.

And if the Ultimate Self is a very soul-y kind of concept, such that Heart players have a natural advantage in coming to understand it, then isn't it a natural fit that a Rogue of Heart - one who steals from Heart or steals Heart for others - would be naturally inclined to share the wisdom of her alternate selves, and even the very concept of the Ultimate Self, with her friends?

Because the Ultimate Self is actually, in my opinion, a pretty good narrative device. It turns the sadness of the dead and doomed timelines into something littersweet instead, and makes it so any weirdness regarding time travel and not really knowing your friends anymore will eventually be resolved, even if off-screen.

It's not really narratively satisfying when Davepetasprite^2 suddenly comes into being and reaches enlightenment, but imagine if instead it's a post-character development Nepeta comforting Davesprite on his relevance, or Jade on her loneliness, or John on not really knowing these new post-retcon versions of his friends? It would feel a lot better, since in this hypothetical, she would have reached that point after on-screen character development. Being able to share her true self with her friends on the meteor - by necessity, since what else are they going to be doing for three years - leads to her finally being able to fulfill her role as a Rogue of Heart.

Also, at some point during these repeated meteor trips, she dates Karkat (whether that's successful or not, I'll leave to reader interpretation - you already know where I stand), fulfilling Jaspersprite's musing that she might only be able to date Karkat after she dies.

So that's two out of thr33 of her outstanding plot hooks resolved... okay. So, I try not to make these essays into ship propaganda, but hear me out:

Hate Is Stored In The FefNep

Okay, so, remember that thing about how Feferi is actually a huge casteist hypocrite? Well, let's also note that the comic, post-Murderstuck, seems to put Nepeta and Feferi together a lot - they're a Commodore and Rear Admiral in the ghost pirate army, respectively, and they also wind up as Fefetasprite. So I think it's not entirely out of left field to say that these two were implied to have SOMETHING going on.

And that something... is a difference in political views.

I mean, let's be real, there's a reason Fefetasprite is the most explode-prone after Tavrisprite. Miss "The Hemocaste is Stupid and Shouldn't Matter" vs. Miss "I Love Being A Princess And Call Jade Hornless and Finless (Derogatory)"? Come on, tell me you don't see it.

Without getting too much into Feferi, this hypocrisy, and unwillingness to check her privilege (so glad I found an excuse to use that term unironically), are probably her greatest character flaws - ie, the things you would expect the story to address about her. Meanwhile, one of Nepeta's flaws, which she laments to Jasproseprite^2, is that she feels too shy to talk about her feelings to other people, leading to her having never expressed her views on the hemocaste to anyone but Equius.

I think that they initially think they'd be friends. Each one of them would go "oh man, this other girl is soooo cute, I wish I could talk to her more often!"

And then, once they do, they realize they fucking hate each other. Nepeta would go "X00 < you are such a hypocrite who f33ls like youre better than all of us!!!" and Feferi would go "You're suc)( an uneducated glubbing P-EASANT! 3X0" and then they'd claw each others' eyes out. It would be so funny, and if a homestuck ship isn't extremely fucking funny, then why are we even here.

But more importantly, this would further them along into resolving each others' arcs - Feferi would be forced to grapple with the greater implications of classism, and Nepeta - who is shown having a spine the most in defiance of somebody else - would grow more aggressive about being open about her feelings in defiance of Feferi. Even Equius would get roped into it in a positive way - you can just imagine him going "D --> Can I really believe my auricular sponge clots D --> Nepeta, you are finally taking interest in politi%" and be 100% on board with teaching her so Feferi won't be able to call her uneducated.

And then for flushed, I dunno! Karkat's an option, and Jade and Jake also both love the fuck out of furries, and Tavros seems nice. But yeah I'll die on the fefnep hate ship. Guys it would be so funny.

Thank you as always for reading! Let me know if there's a troll you want to hear me ramble about next.

#homestuck #nepeta leijon #feferi peixes #equius zahhak

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ilyhaitanii · 1 month

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hold me in your lap of luxury 𖤛 ran haitani

synopsis: your very first bonten party doesn’t go the way you planned. cw: sfw. allusion to anxiety attack, kissing, kind of suggestive, mentions of killing but nth graphic just typical bonten nonsense

a/n: i hope we all like this new theme !! this fic inspo came from this artwork of ran :3 had me thinking millions of thoughtsss i love him smm enjoy <3

bonten gatherings always have your stomach exploding with butterflies. the anxiety of fucking up in front of all of ran’s coworkers, angering someone you shouldnt, or offending anyone. all of it is possible. if you smile too much, too little, your tone is too harsh, too soft. you can fuck up ran’s image in a matter of seconds. the last thing you’d want to do is fuck it all up.

you’re led down a corridor by two of your bodyguards. they were employed by ran to shadow you at all times. at first it was annoying, feeling like you were being watched, but at some point you’ve become used to it.

you clammy palms rub down the sides of your purple dress. the small sparkles on it elevate it from a sleeveless casual dress to a beautiful outing dress. it’s nothing too fancy, but the jewelry adorned on your ears, neck, wrists, and fingers are the main show.

glimmering diamonds and amethysts bling under the lighting off the corridor. on your left hand is your wedding ring— a gorgeous diamond sitting right in the middle. you haven’t seen ran all day, but he left all of these things in your shared bedroom, with a sweet note.

you don’t know what to expect, this is your first time at a bonten party after all. the ones ran comes home from seem more rowdy, but this seems very classy, sophisticated. you’re so scared you’re going to embarrass him. as your bodyguards stand by the door, waiting for your signal that you’re ready, you chew at your lip.

“mrs. haitani? are you alright?” the call of your name catched your attention. you look up at the taller man dazed, before snapping back to reality. you shake your head and gently adjust your bracelet.

“yes, sorry. im ready,” you give them a gentle smile. as the door opens, you’re momentarily blinded by the bright, warm lights. as you step out of the doors, you’re greeted by a man. he’s not a bouncer, more like a waiter, perhaps? with a large smile he greets you, offering you champagne. in fear of increasing your chance of embarrassing ran, you decline politely. as you look down from the balcony, there’s at least two hundred people here.

however your eye immediately catches ran. he instantly looks up at you, a gentle smile on his face. his violet eyes soften, taking a look at you. he’s wearing his glasses for once, so he does not squint when he looks at you. a soft flush creeps onto your cheeks when you see him walking towards you, completely abandoning his conversation. he takes long strides towards the stairs. by the time you reach the bottom, you’re greeted by the sight of your husband.

“well hello, pretty lady. you come here often?” he jokes, flashing his teeth. you hide a giggle behind your hands. no matter how many years you both have been married, ran never fails to make you blush and giggle like a teenager. you wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him on the cheek.

“not really. never been here before, but my husband said i’ll have a lot of fun,” you go along with his joke, tilting your head. he chuckles before leaving a kiss on your head. in a low voice he whispers,

“you look gorgeous.” theres a light smell of bourbon on him that’s mixing with his cologne. you smile at him, cheek glimmering pink.

“thank you, you’re too sweet.” he takes a hold of your left hand, his other going to your hips. he pulls it closer to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on your ring finger.

“im glad you came,” ran looks at you with hearts in his eyes, but the moment is sharply cut off by a call of his name. rindou and an unfamiliar man walk up to you two. you smile at rindou, waving at the younger man. he lets a soft smile creep onto his lips before tilting his head down for a moment. ran stands at your side, arm looped around you. his hand settles at your hip, watching as rindou and this white-haired man approach you both.

“was wondering why you walked away from our client. couldn’t leave the pretty lady alone, could ya?” the man beside rindou jokes, before smiling at you.

“kokonui,” he says with a gleaming smile. you smile back at him, a tad bit intimidated by him. you stretch out your hand before retracting it when rindou’s lips curl into a snicker.

“ah sorry. nice to meet you, sir.” the three men chuckle, making your cheeks flush red. suddenly you feel very warm.

“haha, you’re funny. haven’t had somebody call me sir in a minute. koko is fine. you’re this sucker’s wife, i couldn’t have such a pretty lady call me sir,” he smiles again, taking a sip of his drink. ran’s eyes glare at him and his younger brother.

“this sucker ought to remind you to be kind to his wife.” ran says through gritted teeth. you can’t help but feel like you’ve already fucked up. however, you don’t notice the lighthearted undertone of the conversation, far too immersed in your mistake. it’s not even an actual mistake, it was just being polite.

ran notices you’ve grown quiet and that flush on your cheeks hasn’t gone away. while koko and rin speak to each other, ran presses a kiss to the side of your head. “you okay, honey? something botherin’ you? whatever it is i can fix it for you, doll.” he says smoothly, smiling down at you. is he laughing at you? no, why would ran do that?

“im fine. im just gonna use the bathroom. excuse me,” you quickly walk away from the three, searching around for the bathroom. you walk in circles for a few minutes before finally finding the room. you quickly shut the door behind you, clutching your chest.

why are you so nervous? why are you talking this all so seriously? it’s a dinner party. you’re supposed to wind down, have fun. so why are you so nervous? you do know that some people here aren’t… the best, for lack of better terms. but that doesn’t mean you have to be walking on eggshells.

but what if ran’s friends— co workers, whatever— don’t like you? what if they think you’re a joke? do they think you’re dressed funny? that koko guy did walk up to you laughing and so did rindou. you stare at yourself in the mirror, picking apart every inch of your outfit. your hair is lopsided, makeup is slightly cakey, the dress is too much, the jewelry is too bold. you look horrible. why on earth did you think you’d look good in this outfit? why does ran even lo-

a knock on the door disturbs your thoughts. you didn’t even notice you were crying. “yes?”

“honey, are you alright?” ran says, worridly. “you’ve been gone for fifteen minutes. everything okay?” his voice is slightly agitated. fuck, you already made him upset. you wipe your tears away, trying not to smudge your concealer.

“im fine! just had to fix my hair,” you reply back, adjusting your dress. you quickly put yourself back together, placing the necklace and bracelet into your clutch. you finally step outside the bathroom, greeted by ran standing right outside. he leans against the doorframe, brows furrowed. he is upset.

“what happened?” he says in a soft tone as his hands lay on your waist. one hand cups your cheeks, rubbing under your eye. “why are you crying? did someone say something?” you shake your head, pushing him away, but he doesn’t allow that. “baby, what’s wrong?” you again, push him away.

“nothing, im just tired.” he furrows his brows again, grabbing a hold of your wrist. his grip isnt tight, but it’s sturdy. he tugs you back to him, forearms resting against his chest.

“my love, please.” there’s this look of pity on his face, you think. the tears boil in your eyes and ran instantly pulls you into his arms. he has your back to the wall, hiding your form under his large shoulders and tall frame. “it’s okay, i got you.” after a few moments of sobbing into his chest, you mumble out a few words.

“im so sorry. i embarrassed you, im sorry.” ran, again, furrows his brows. what do you mean? he looks down at you, kissing your forehead as he cups your face in his hands. his thumb instantly wipes away your tears.

“you could never embarrass me, i love you so much. i would kill someone if they ever said you we’re embarrassing.” ran hugs you tigher, his chin propped on your head. “they wouldn’t even be able to breathe their next breath if i ever heard that.” he chuckles, peppering kisses onto your face. you look up at him, frowning.

“but koko and rin were laughing. i look ridiculous like this too, they probably thought it too,” ran tilts his head, a smile on his face.

“where did you get that impression from? you looks fucking gorgeous, baby.” he chuckles, kissing your cheeks once a again. “they were laughing at sanzu who was behind you. they wouldn’t even dare,” he says in a serious tone. you look up at ran, confused.

“i mean it when i said i’d never let anyone bully you. even my own brother cannot. nobody can,” he kisses the back of your hand, callused hands rubbing your wrists. his violet eyes soaked with love and adoration. he takes your hand and places his cheek in your palm, kissing the inside of your wrists.

“sometimes i wonder how your mind wanders to these places. i love you. no matter what, i love you, doll. mkay? no matter what,” he mumbles against you skin. “fuck, you could shoot me and i’d still love you. carve my heart out and-“ you interuot him, laughing.

“okay, okay! please don’t say things like that, gives me the chills thinking thats what you see on a daily basis,” you hit his chest and ran erupts into a fit of laugher. his arms wrap around you, holding your body flush to his as he rocks back and forth.

“i love you always. no matter what. i promise, i’ll do whatever it takes to protect you,” he gazes into your eyes, watching the way you shy under his intense gaze. he loves the way your face heats up at the slightest bit of affection. you hide in his chest, mumbling back,

“i love you too.” he steps back, his arm looped around your shoulders.

“come now, let’s go back, yeah? there’s a bet going on to see how long it’ll take sanzu to shoot our client’s friend.” you grimace as ran chuckles.

“please get me out of here before that,” he presses a kiss to the side of your head,

“yes ma’am.”

#ran x reader #ran haitani x reader #ran x you #ran haitani x you #ran haitani x y/n #ran x y/n #ran fluff #ran haitani fluff #ran tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #ran haitani

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zeldasnotes · 1 year

Note

hi zelda! I feel like everywhere I go people disrespect me or are annoyed by me. Its like they dont take me seriously? I have a lot of planets in the 3rd house but I dont talk that much. How do I make people ”respect” me? how i make people look up to me?

Im so sorry. Some people are just rude, they have no right to act this way. I have a friend with a stellium in the 3rd and she sounds a little too nice sometimes and this makes sick people see her as someone to be mean to. The problem is them not you but im going to give you some advice that can make you come across as more respectable ↓

RESPECT ADVICE 🪄

Dont apologize too much when you talk. This is something you might not be aware of but a lot of people say ”sorry” a lot and This can make you come across as insecure and like you are beneath others. (ofc you should say sorry if you do something bad). BUT when you are sorry instead of saying ”omg soooorrryyy I was late! Omg im horrible” Say ”Thank you for waiting for me guys, the bus was late.”

Dont make too many jokes about yourself. Ofc you shouldnt take yourself TOO seriously. But the risk is that if you dont take yourself seriously AT ALL, other people wont either. Dont say stuff like ”Haha Im so stupid, how did I not know that.” Instead say ”Oh really! I didnt know that, now I do, Thank you!” because trust me, people listen to what you say.

If someone is staring you down. Stare back completely quiet. Dont try to break the ice, because trust me. This is a tactic that manipulators often use to see if you will try to break the ice or if you will do the same back. Its a tactic they might not even be aware of themselves. How you handle their stare tells them a lot about how you handle disrespect.

Dont call yourself too many nasty words. Im guily of this myself tho so im not one to speak. Dont call yourself a bitch because you forgot to do something that you said you would do.

How you walk says a lot. If you are walking into the gym for example. Just walk straightly to the locker room. You dont need to look around nervously to see if people are staring at you or not.

Wear clothes that make YOU feel comfortable. Trust me your whole behaviour changes when you wear clothes you actually feel good in. If you only like black clothes, then only wear black clothes. And if someone says ”You should wear more colors” dont say ”Omg I knooooow I shouuuulldd” No, instead you say ”You think so? I feel good in black actually, but YOU look good in your colors”.

Look people in the eye when they talk to you. Dont stare at them in a creepy way tho.

If you dont like a joke dont fake laugh. Say ”What do you mean by that?” Or say ”Thats just uncalled for and distasteful”

Dont fake laugh because you are nervous. It makes you look super nervous and insecure. I did this all the time before. Say something in a straighforward way you dont need to giggle or say ”or i dont know hihi” or ”i sound so crazy right now”.

If someone tells you you look nice dont say ”No I dont” or ”Nooo you look much better” Instead say ”Thank you so much, you look good too!”

If you disagree with something dont say ”I dont knowwwe hehe” say ”I dont agree with you”.

And remember, you are not supposed to make them like you. You are supposed to wonder if YOU like them. Dont walk into a room with the goal of making people like you. They are gonna have to suck up to you! If you grew up in an abusive home all of this will be hard, but try my advice for a month and see the difference 💕

#astro notes #astrology #astro observations #self respect #astronotes #self love

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nkyslover · 9 months

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ateez as boyfies.

mar's notes! jus a whole bunch of wholesome fluff, ts my first post in AGES, b nice every1 and enjoy! <3 (this isnt THAT detailed ok, i tried my best<3). I GOT KINDA CARRIED AWAY IN WOOYOUNGS-

hongjoong . . .

he the sweetest man ever!! we luv hongjoong. hes SO perfect. he's like the man who u have an option to either get w, or regret not choosing him fo the rest of yo life. he puts sososo much effort into making u happy bc ur like, the joy in his life, his lil sunshine and he ADORES u, so much. move nights and late night cuddlin is defo his fav thing to do w u, not to mention him bringing gifts whenever he gets to see u !!

seonghwa . . .

yall know, hes literally malewife. as a bf, he would definitely make sure ur okay like allll around the clock. he cooks for u, he'd make sure u guys eat TOGETHER. he'd keep u company all the time ofc, even if he has a tough schedule he still b like "come w me :<" hes tha clingy cute perfect boyfie we all need.

mingi . . .

often he finds himself singing to u, rapping small verses or even some sentences he feels like singing, bc GOD who would even complain hearing song mingi sing? he'd let u dye his hair whatever color u'd want, often go shopping w u and spoiling u and then showing that cute grin on his face whenever he'd make u flustered infront of other people. we heart mingi, honestly.

yunho . . .

ok so hes big man right? hes tall, hes cute, hes like got the most cute and clumsy and loving personality. this man will definitely cuddle u late at night or whenever he'd come back from rehearsals or sumf. he ALWAYS finds a way to make u nervous, for example: hes taller than you so he'd cower over you when hes asking for something or wanting to sprinkle a lil bit of playfulness into the situation. the lesson is that yunho is puuuuurrrrrfect!

jongho . . .

wakes you up by humming small tunes into your ear, if your mad at that u clearly shouldnt even be thinking of that bro. flashes that smile that has you literally KICKING YOUR FEETS. its absolutely atrocious the amount of smiling this man has me actually doing whenever im watching his lil moments or something. he'd defo take loads of couple goals pictures with you, wear matching outfits. "jongho, can we buy matching beanies?" "baby buy them, you know i'll wear it anyways ^^" epitome of baby. ^^

yeosang . . .

HE BRINGS U TO GYM WITH HIM. and he even helps u with the equipment, and when after you guys go to a cute cafe to grab some food, sitting in the corner and discussing your plans together, overall deciding on staying at home all day to just do coupley things ofc. he lets u do his hair, vice verse as he likes to always play with ur hair and run his fingers through it wording "ur hair is so soft :o." no but IMAGINE OK, but i should stop before i get too carried away..

choi san . . .

another malewife. ok so like insert scenario that ur ill, havin bedrest n shi. HE DECIDED TO STAY W U ALLLLL DAY. he doesnt care if he catches the cold off u bc he js wants to b there for u because he cares and loves u sm !! hes the typa bf to surpise u in every way w bracelets, matchin stuff, makeup, and even small gifts. he js wants to see his pretty princess smilin. he also takes u to gym w him ofc, he cant even think abt not bringing u. end of convo bc im gonna get too carried away likewise w yeosangs. :(

wooyoung . . .

idk why ok but he gives off enemies to lovers typa beat. like he would be battling w u at first and then be heads over heels, and when u FINALLY get together after some plan of friends, u realise that hes literally AMAZING. yes he probably is playful, mostly probably teases alot ngl, but thats his way of showin his love. he absolutely adores u, even if u guys are havin a competition, you always get reminded u got the most loving n best boyfie in the whole wide world. ALSO bonus he buys u so many flowers ur garden is HOARDED in the amount of flowers, he gotta clean all of it up w u, giggling when he realises how cute you look when ur mad and pulls u into a kiss, eventually forgetting about the overload of pretty flowers in ur garden.

#ateez fluff #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez fanfic #hongjoong fluff #seonghwa fluff #yunho fluff #choi san fluff #yeosang fluff #jongho fluff #mingi fluff #wooyoung fluff

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zolawffy · 1 year

Text

Wearing her clothes - Nico robin

This is smut to read at your own discretion.

“Sweet heart, sorry to bother you but could you bring my books down here?” Your girlfriend called out to you.

You turned off your phone and sat up on the bed. You rolled over to robins side of the bed and grabbed the two colored books sitting on her night stand.

One was tan, the other was blue. You got out the bed, watching the shirt fall barely to the very top of your thighs.

You should’ve washed your clothes yesterday like Robin suggested but of course, you weren’t feeling like it. So this morning, you had to snag a shirt from her drawer and your last pair of panties.

Your clothes are washing now but they wont be done any time soon. She hasn’t seen you today either soo lets see what she says.

You walked down the stairs to her vast library. The door creaked slightly as you opened it. She had her back turned to you as she was standing on a ladder.

She was putting some books away, nothing out of the ordinary. Well— that goes for her. She turned around and looked at you in shock. Her jaw dropped.

She never seen you wear her clothes before.

“brought your books.” You say setting them on a nearby table.

“Is that my shirt?” She said, still stunned. You couldn’t tell how she was feeling.

“Mhm, my clothes are in the wash right now.” You say sitting on the table next to the books. You then put the books in your lap and flipped open the top one.

You skimmed the page but it was just a book ancient things.

She continued to sort her books.

“It fits you really well darling. Who would’ve thought you could fit into my clothes?” She turned around slightly and gave you a warm smile and hummed.

She came over to you and placed her hands on each of your thighs after moving the books from atop your warm flesh.

“You really look good in my shirt.” She repeated. This time, with a serious look on her face. She put more pressure on your thighs and used it to get herself closer to you.

You were sure she could feel your heart racing. You never seen Robin so— Flirtatious?

“Why so nervous?” She said fiddling with the bottom of the shirt.

“Robin, you know why im acting this way..” you stuttered.

“Do i sweetheart? Do i make you nervous?” She lifted the shirt up slowly, revealing your bra and panties.

“Mhm.” You nodded.

“You’re so pretty princess. You make my heart race.” She kissed you passionately and then pulled away after a few seconds.

She reached around you and undid your bra after you opened your legs to let her put her waist between them.

Your breathing was heavy and you were trying to hide the fact that she was turning you on. She reached down between your legs and started gently caressing your clit through the panties.

You started moaning softly in need. And robin liked that.

She planted kisses on your collar bone, all the way down to your nipples. She kissed and swirled her tongue around them.

“I told you to wash your clothes,” she kissed you. didn’t i?” You nodded in reply.

“I guess i should let you misbehave often shouldnt i?” Robin purred. At this point, you were laying on the table and Robin were kissing down your torso. She stopped at your navel and licked down to the start of your panties.

She then removed them and lifted up your thighs. She placed a trail of kissed on you. She started at the side of your knee and all the way down to your pussy.

The sensation of Robin's kisses was sending shivers down your spine. You couldn't help but let out a moan of pleasure as she continued to explore your body. You were lost in the moment, completely consumed by the pleasure she was giving you.

She put her slender middle and ring finger inside of your sopping hole.

She began to move them in and out at a steady pace, her thumb circling your clit as she did so. Your breathing became heavy and erratic, and you gripped the edge of the table tightly as the pleasure built inside you. Robin's movements became faster and more intense, and you could feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. Finally, with a loud moan, you came undone under her skilled touch.

“Ah-ah, i didn’t say you could cum, little flower.” She teased. She removed her fingers from inside of you. And then she tasted you off her fingers.

She knelt down and planted her head between your thighs. You moaned and gripped some of her hair as she went to work on you.

Robin looked up at you with a satisfied smirk as she cleaned her fingers with her tongue. "I think you need to learn some self-control, my love," she said,

the way she was working her tongue on your clit was amazing. She soon added 2 fingers inside of you, fingering you at a medium pace.

“I think you can fit 3 princess.” And with that, robin added a third finger. She was making your thighs shake as she plunged her fingers in and out of you. it was too much stimulation.

“Robin-ahh” You moaned out her name. As you were orgasming, she removed her fingers and replaced it with her tongue so she could have another taste of you.

“Taste so good princess.” Robin purred as she cleaned you up with her tongue. She kissed you passionately afterwards.

She offered you a hand. "Let's go take a bath and get you cleaned up." You couldn't help but smile at her as you took her hand.

You guys took a nice warm bath together. Robin washed you up and gave you a massage. You fell asleep against her breast in the bathtub. What a time to be alive.

#one piece #black reader #one piece x reader #nico robin #one piece nico robin #nico robin smut #miss all sunday #miss all sunday smut #miss all sunday one piece #nico robin story #miss all sunday x you #miss all sunday x you smut

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smolweeblets · 10 months

Text

Through Kitty Cats And Kittens

Fade x Reader Valorant

Fade was an amazing woman. She was an incredibly formidable opponent with crazy good abilities and not to mention an incredible battle sense to go along with them. She knows just how to scheme to get her opponents to run around in circles. Not to mention how attractive she was while doing it. Her hard gaze could melt a hole right through you, and it only gets more intense when she's concentrated.

Needless to say, you have a massive crush on the woman. Everything she did just entranced you, you often find yourself having to rip your eyes away from her just to do even the simplest things in a mission.

Thats what made what you were doing now so daunting. You were instructed to knock at her quarters and inform her of something important. Her comm device was off and Brimstone needed her asap. You were just unfortunate enough to be the first agent to pass by. Curse Neon for waking you so early in the morning.

And so there you stood, in front of her door, trying to muster up some courage to knock.

Curse you and your pretty-girl-driven brain. This shouldnt be so hard, but the thought of just seeing and talking to her sent flutters up your spine.

You decided to just do it, and sent a few quick knocks.

A gruff sound you couldn't decipher (haha cypher) came from inside the room. Soon, the doors were opened and you finally got a glimpse of the woman herself.

She was wearing cat themed pajamas with cute little kittens, balls of yarn, and tiny fish littered all over her sleepwear. It contrasted with her current appearance, disheveled, messy and almost scary from how hard her gaze was. She was slightly flushed, not expecting the knock and having an agent see her in this state.

You almost gasped seeing her pajamas. She looked absolutely adorable, and you felt melting on the inside. You tried your best to gather your thoughts to form words, as she said something and was expecting an answer.

“What do you want.” She frowned.

“Brimstone has requested for you.” You scramble to answer. “It was urgent he said.”

She rolled her eyes and groaned. “Ugh, the one time I actually want to sleep…”

You smiled apologetically and were about to leave until your ears pricked when you heard a small mewl.

You looked down to the source of the sound and saw a small calico kitten trying to run out of the Turkish womans room. The woman looked indifferent but you heard her mutter a silent curse under her breath.

She scoops the little thing up. And it continues to mewl in her arms while she pet it to try to get it quiet. You notice a faint blush on her cheeks, realizing what she was wearing when she looked down to pick up the kitten.

“I didnt know pets were allowed here.” You curiously state. Your previous shyness melted when you saw the creature.

“Theyre not. You didnt see this.” The little thing yawned in her arms, making your heart melt.

“Whats its name?” You asked, looking at the kitten with a smile.

“None of your business.”

“Awwe, but its so cute, please?”

Fade sighs. “Her name is Churu.”

“Can I pet her?”

Fade looked at you incredulously, not believing that you were actually asking that.

“Please? I’ll steal you some of Cyphers expensive tea if you let me,” You look up to her hopefully. Youve seen her drink them from time to time, and youve also seen Cypher grumble about it constantly. Lately hes padded them with more security, so the offer mustve meant something.

She stares at you with that same incredulous look. She was frowning.

“God, I don't have the time for this. Just play with her in my room while I get ready for Brimstones meeting.”

Your face lit up as Fade handed you the small creature. You take her with glee, smiling wide at the cute cat in your hands. The woman quickly ushers you inside, not keen on anyone else seeing her little secret.

“Dont touch anything. Ill be out in 10 minutes at the most and so will you.” Fade sighs as she picks out a polo from her closet, planning to look at least somewhat presentable.

She enters her shower, and you take this time to take a look at her room. There wasnt much, the most notable thing was her desk area, having a pc with double monitors. Beside it was churus food and water bowls.

You played with the kitten with glee, savoring your time in your crushes room.

Wait.

You were in the room of the woman youve fell head over heels for since the moment you saw her, and you were playing with a cat.

YOU WERE IN FADES ROOM?

The realization took a while to get to you, but as it finally did, your face heat up. You were in Fades room. Fade. Probably the scariest and most closed off agent in the whole protocol. Well, probably after Viper, but that was besides the point. She just… let you in her room. Does she normally do that?

You shook your head no, she didnt, but its not like people just waltz up her door and ask to go inside. You still cant believe you did that. But you werer nothing special, the stars just aligned in your favor for the day. That or she just really wanted Cyphers tea, but either way, she let you in her room!

You could almost imagine the both of you laying on her bed after a long mission, tangled in each others bodies, indulging in each others warm embra–

“Ow!” You yelped in pain. Churu decided your finger looked appetizing and helped herself to a bite. Effectively interrupting your delusion. But to Churus disappointment, your finger was in fact, not food, and this caused her to jump when you unexpectedly moved it away.

“Yowch, that wasnt very nice of you.” You shook your hand from the pain. Thankfully, Churus teeth werent big enough to break skin yet, but damn it still hurt.

The kitten went on your lap, almost as if to apologize. But you knew that she was just finding somewhere warm to sleep after tiring herself out after a few good minutes of playing with you.

You sighed as you pet the kittens soft fur. Cats truly were the best.

Soon after Fade exits her bathroom fully dressed with her hair damp. You flushed slightly at her unstyled hair and quickly look back down on the kitten in your lap.

“Okay thats enough playtime, out you go.” Fade nods her head towards the doorway.

You pout, not keen on leaving so quickly. “Aw, okay…”

You gently set the small kitten on the floor and brush yourself out as you stand. Fade watches as Churu affectionately headbutts your leg and fights a smile.

“You can have her if you want. Saves me the trouble.” Fade offers suddenly. It really would help her. She didnt need to have Sage scold her and weaken her already little trust in her.

Your eyes widened at the offer. You werent quite sure you heard her right. Surely it would be extra work but a cat would be a great vice in this stressful job. Just imagining snuggling with the lil guy made you want to smile.

And either you were going crazy, or you saw the ghost of a gentle smile on Fades face as. It was only for a split second, but you dare not make a single comment on it. Dying was not on your to do list right now.

~~~~~

Fade stood in front of your door, small bundle in hand along with a large box by her feet, presumably containing all of Churus stuff. You quickly ushered her in and offered her a seat on your bed.

“No need, ill be out soon. Just know that you need to feed her at least thrice a day, theres an automatic food dispenser with a feed timer in the box for when we’re on missions, i personally refrain from using it otherwise because its a hassle to clean-”

Almost everything she said after that fell on deaf ears, you were just too happy to hear Fades voice. This is the most youve ever heard her talk, and you just couldnt get over how calming it was. You noticed the way her hands moved when she was enumerating all the things you needed to do and all the facial expressions she made as she though of any other advice she could give you.

Oh well, it was just a small kitten, how hard could it be? You would tackle the problems as they came. Plus, google existed.

“-You could probably get away with cleaning the litterbox every other day, since shes still small right now but its still best to do it every day just to be sure. I think thats about it, you got all that?”

You could do nothing but nod dumbly, pretending you had the slightest idea about a thing she talked about.

“...Right… Well, good luck with the little rascal. I'll be dropping by sometimes, don't think she's all yours.” Fade was halfway through the door already before you could even respond.

“Yeah, thanks again! Ill take good care of her!” You smiled as you waved.

Who would have thought you would adopt a cat in the protocol AND it would be the reason your crush visits your room!

Dear little Churu would be taken well of for sure

A/n: Holy shit tumblr user smolweeblet actually posts a serious oneshot!? More likely than you think.

This is super messy, and the ending is super open its practically begging for a part two. Dont expect one anytime soon though, still busy working on some requests, till next time you guys!

#fade valorant x reader #fade x reader valorant #fade x you #fade x y/n #fade x reader #valorant x reader #hazal x reader #hazal eyletmez x reader

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sun-stricken · 8 months

Note

Headcannons about sick!gray? Mine is that ice mages get sick really easily but he’s just great at hiding it until Lyon mentions it or something and suddenly the guild freaks out at a sniffle

Also don’t know if it’s any interest to you, but sometimes when I’m making fiction in my head I imagine gray is actually sick. Like when he does wear clothes they’re always tight around the middle, right? So what if being under all the rubble did something to his lungs/chest and so he needs the support sometimes

edit from like two hours after i responded, you asked me for my personal headcanons, but all i did was play on yours, so sorry 🙁

omg tysm for the ask, i love this

i agree that ice mages get sick easier than other mages, but also any mage whos magic effects their temperature fluctuation, (i might make a full post abt that later)

also i am dramatic and love to ramble, sorry if its too long!!

Gray is good at handling things himself, hes been taking care of himself for over a decade, itd be weird if he wasn’t

He takes care of others, looks after his guild-mates, maybe to pay off some sort of debt, or maybe because they dont take care of themselves (what a hypocrite)

he takes care of them, he doesn’t expect them to take on roles for him, didn’t expect them to take care of him; he did perfectly fine on his own, thank you very much

-Fairy Tail disagrees-

The moment Lyon started telling them horror stories about how often and how intense Gray got sick while learning magic, all hell broke loose, specifically, his team broke loose

Erza started grilling Lyon, how did he get sick, how often on average, why is it so easy, how did they help him as a kid, what do you mean he couldnt breathe? HISBODYCOULDNTWHAT???

(it felt all too familiar to a criminal interrogation)

Lucy fretted over Gray, eyes panicking trying to search for an illness that wasnt yet there, asking if he felt ill now, does he need water? should he sit down? why is he so red?

(why does she look so scared?)

Happy all but launched himself into Grays chest, crying about why he didnt tell them and other nonsensicals he could fully make out

Wendy popping in to say that while she cant heal illnesses she can help him any way she can, and maybe she cried just a little abt how she couldn’t help him fully

(a kid shouldnt be so stressed about not being able to help fix a problem that they didn’t make)

Natsu, now Natsu was pissed. Hes no stranger to being reckless and he knows it, but this wasn’t him, this was Gray; Gray who had always helped him through sicknesses and injuries, some of which the guild didnt even know of. why didnt he trust them to help him? why didnt he ever tell them anything? why didnt he figure it out?

it hurt. it really did.

(why isnt he trying to fight him? why isnt he yelling?

Gray stood there, red in the face and truly embarrassed, he didnt think it was that big of a deal and here they were, here was his guild, his family. vowing to take care of him from here on out.

He doesnt think hes ever felt so embarrassed, and guilty, and so loved all at once

also a foreboding, hes not sure why though

as it turns out, he was right to be cautious

days later he had a cold, a measly cold, he sniffled maybe once or twice, and he might’ve stumbled just a little, and all of a suddenly he was next to the guild fireplace, covered in too many blankets, a thermos in hand, and people constantly insisting on getting him things

he knew he shouldn’t have come today

although, they had every right to be worried, as it very quickly turned into pneumonia. lucky him

He was taken to the guild infirmary, his team right there with him

even through the chills, the too short and too fast breathing, the obnoxious heat in his whole body, and the ever so slight delirium creeping into his thoughts

he felt the hand atop his, felt the heavy weight of sharp eyes that miss nothing on him;

he felt the purring mini oven tucked into his side;

he felt a hand usually covered in armor carding through his hair, wiping the sweat from his forehead with a cool cloth;

he felt the way a trembling hand gripped his no longer free hand, felt the telltale sign of whisperers against his fingers;

he felt the minuscule vibrations of scrambling around him, heard the clinking of glass bottles no doubt full of remedies

…

he felt, loved.

THID IS SO LONG IM SORRY BUT IM SO OVERDRAMATIC AND LOVE TO RAMBLE

NOW FOR THE SECOND PART THAT I LOVE SO MUCH!

being under that collapsed building fucking with his lungs and ribs isnt something i ever thought of!

thats genius, i love it

im just imagining permanent damage to his lungs, not being able to use them to their full capacity, and maybe chronic pain in his ribcage area and sharp pains when he tries to draw in deep breaths

i think Makarov obvs knew this (maybe he makes everyone has full check ups yearly or every couple years, but also everytime someone joins the guild)

he warned Gray against overexerting himself because it could be especially dangerous for him

he was prescribed an inhaler and medication for his breathing and pain

but this was and is a boy full of too much pride and guilt, maybe he thinks he deserves it, maybe just doesnt care what happens to him, maybe he simply doesnt know his limits; but for whatever reason he doesnt listen, doesnt use his support unless it is absolutely unbearable

of course it gets better over the years, but that didnt start willingly, the guild found out, maybe Gray let it slip, maybe Jii-Chan did, or maybe they heard him scolding Gray for overdoing it again

but they found out and would check up on him, give him advice from some of their experience with their own disabilities

Ive hced for a while that Gildarts was particularly fatherly (or like, a protective uncle…ly?) with the kids of Fairy Tail, so i think he wouldve been the one to get him this pressure support thing for his ribs

it worked, and so does heating pads/packs, which lead to the next development

and after Gray joined up with his team and got closer, he would make Natsu be his own personal heat pack bc that is such a sweet and silly image to me

Natsu surprisingly complained minimally

i wonder why? :)

more little sick things

Gray doesnt get hungover, probably the only illness he gets lucky on

he gets really talkative and delirious when hes sick, and clingy

he’ll ramble abt random things he has to do, not realizing he cant for obvious reasons

he’ll talk about life before Ur, about his siblings who never had the chance to live; about ppl who left Isvan before Deloria came, wondering if theyre alive and actually living, if they remember him

whoever’s with him does him the courtesy of not bringing it up when hes better

Lucy gets really scared when people are sick, it makes her think of watching her mom deteriorate, she refuses to go through that again

She spoke to Natsu and Erza about this while Gray was sick once, broke down and said she wad terrified of losing someone she loves to a stupid sickness again

Gray will cling to the person closest to him when he’s ill, holding their hand, leaning on them, just not letting them leave; he finally is letting himself be taken care of and it feels good, he’ll be damned if he lets that go again

Natsu was so angry when Lyon told them, he was so angry and so scared that even with his heightened senses he didnt know anything at all

If hes with Gray when hes sick, he rarely takes his eyes off the uneven rise and fall of his best friends chest, as to reassure himself that Gray was still breathing, that he was still here and didn’t disappear

Gray will get up and try to get things done when hes sick, he is not the type to sit down and rest and recover

he had to be physically hauled back to bed on multiple occasions

Erza is lost when people are sick, ever the leader though, she tried to take the lead, giving people jobs and trying to make sure everything is order

it ends up quite the opposite though, halfway through she reluctantly hands the reins to someone else

she tries though

Gray has a box full of ‘get well soon!’ gifts and cards, he likes to look through then and read all the messages over and over again

i lied. he has three boxes, his friends are overachievers

fin.

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curioscurio · 10 months

Note

Sorry I know it's an old reblog but I came across that post about calling trans surgeries mutilation, and while understand the point you were trying to make, huh....ppl also do call cancer survivors who dad double mastectomy mutilated and cancer patients deal with a lot of people being disgusted by their bodies, feel intense pressure to have implants, doctors sometimes even assume their patients want them, or to wear breatplates (same with hair implants/wigs). "Imagine if someone said that about x other marginalized identity" is imo not the most efficient way to support arguments because often, ppl do already that. Also ableism and transphobia are best friends

I've been sitting here for like 20 minutes trying to think of a response for this so I went and asked my mother ( 13 year breast cancer survivor, double mastectomy + implants + wig + hair stylist for other cancer patients ) what she thought and she said that the tags on my reblog shouldnt be graded as if it were an essay for a social activism class by anonymous tumblr users. Sorry I didn't get an A, I wasn't particularly trying to back my fucking thesis statement.

If you really want to help breast cancer patients going through gender dysphoria as a result of chemo and surgery, try volunteering or attending a cancer walk, cut your hair and donate it to people who makes wigs explicitly for cancer patients, etc etc etc. There are a lot of more "efficient" ways of supporting marginalized identities that doesn't rely on constantly reminding them that there are people in the world who still want them dead.

#im not often rude but this time im rude

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gelarshiesprofruitboarder · 4 months

Note

haedcanoms ..... fro anyome yuo can thimkdj of 🙏🙏🙏🙏💥💯💯

this is gonna be. a big block of text. uve enabled me and now im gonna talk for forever. uh. :3333 (also a shit ton of my hcs are just me projecring shjt so.)

okayyyy uh. dave went to private school for like. 4 years. he didnt follow any rules and wouldve definitly gotten expelled ljke 2 weeks in but bro strider is. so fucking rich so he just payed to keep him kn. he still had to wear those stupid ass uniforms tho and now he absolutely hates wearing polo shirts. fuckinf despises them.

sollux??? massive h*r fan he makes a shit ton of uber obscure references that like no one gets but him and he makes liek anyone hes ever had a positive interaction with watch it. aradia also likes it bc he made it like impossible not to if youre close enough to him. he kinda got terezi in2 it and she really likes trogdor.ike REALLY likes trogdor.

speaking of aradia and sollux aradias like a massive goth music fan and they listen to that stuff together like all the time. he listens to more,,, mainstream ig stuff regularly but then aradia makes him listen to her entire collection whenever theyre together

Jane can speak french,,, shes not french or anything in thr SLIGHTEST but she learned it bc like. idk desserts are french sometimes. and she just randomly starts speaking french to be annoying n fuck with ppl. roxys learned a little bit from her so sometimes she does too but. rarely.

terezi sollux and feferi friendship 🙏🙏 thsyre so. important to me. i dont remember how much they imteract all together in canom ik jts at least once but... theyre literally a version of the primary colors please thsyrs so friedn group that youd think would hate eachother but they surprisingly dont

jane crochets also alongside baking. she makes people shit like. all the time and probably spends way too much on yarn. she does it while watching all those dumb sitcoms??? whatever theyte called (like parks and rec and arrwsted development and the good place. that stuff). she also sometimes hamgs out with rose and they crochet/knit together

dirk and roxy make like the most shitpost stupid meme references (more often roxy) and like no one else gets them or rreally finds them funny bc theyre all from like. 2009. or ehatever while roxy n dirk are from. the future (i forgot when and no im not lokking jt up) roxy especially has like. dumb tumblr humor and will say the weirdest shit and no one will get it except dirk

feferi sends sollux videos like "t)(is reely reminds me of you ♥️" and then its a 5 minute jerma laighing at car crashes compilation or some shit.

dave makes that type of music that either sounds like actual shit or really good depending on the person. like uber expirimental fucked up random sfx dumbest lyrics ever etc etc (idk how to describe it but like. if uve listened to like.... queef jerkey thats what im imagining)

if were imagining that quest for the missing spoon exists in homestuck (since the comics do, plus theres other stuff like movies and plushes) dirk definityly had the pepsi blue chilis centerfold cutout on his wall. i also think him and maybe roxy??? quote that shit like not even on purpose CONSTANTLY since it was such a big franchise. also i think itd be funny if people talked ab it like how they talk ab harry potter and shit like "oh my god im SUCH a geromy."

aradia plays cello. like this absolutely fucking massive one too thats like deep reddish wood and its heavy as hell and it shouldnt be feesibly possible for her to carry it around but she can skmehos??? and shes really fucking good too. she likes 2 play for fer friends n partners

feferi adores tmbg esp their earlier stuff but she likes it all. shes got a playlist of every single one of their songs she could get ahold of and badically only listesns to that one playlist. she also knows a shit ton about the band itself and knows fun facts about like every song and will NOT hesitate to infodump whenever something slightly related comes up in conversation.

sollux LOVES classic tetris hes extremely fucking good at it and knows how to do all the weird shit w/ the controller like hypertapping and rolling and honestly probably made up something new. he basically only plays past killscreen (he found an nes somehow and hacked jt to let him start anywhere) and is the type of guy to be like "Oh yeah thii2 2hiit2 ea2y here II'll giive you a begiinner level two." and then. start you at level 29.

i have more i think but i cant remember any besides like "__ is a fan of "__ !!!!!" bc i just live projecting my interests onto characters. again sorry for so many words um. 💔

#you can tell who i spend thd most time thinking about bc i actually have headcanons for them. oops #sorry if theres like an incomprehensible amount of typos i dropped my phone on the curb and half my screen is cracked so i physically cant #tell if like. a quarter of my screen has any typos. um #i say as if i care much ab typos. anyways #homestuck #headcanons #dave strider #sollux captor #aradia megido #terezi pyrope #jane crocker #roxy lalonde #feferi peixes #rose lalonde #dirk strider

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owlets-outlet · 10 days

Text

habits you should have, regardless of beauty standards:

we all know that sex sells, and if youre like me, you refuse to be a part of it. the issue is, many of the habits that are advertized to be for the improvement of your looks, are actually really important for your health as well, often times even life saving. if youre like me, you might be unaware of this and deliberately NOT participating in them as a protest against beauty standarts, which might actually be hurting you. let me tell you which! (long post)

1. wearing sunscreen:

unless you have a lot of melanin, you should wear sunscreen every time the uv index is 3 or higher, to protect yourself from skin cancer.

why does society tell us to wear it?

i always hear 'sun exposure gives you wrinkles, freckles, sunspots, etcetc' and went 'well i dont CARE, fuck you' and never wore it.

everybody tries to sell sunscreen as 'antiaging'. its crazy how thats the biggest selling point, and not the fact that sunscreen protects you from getting CANCER.

heres the thing, you SHOULDNT care about getting wrinkles! theres nothing wrong with them, no matter how 'premature' they are!

why you should actually wear it:

you should care about skin cancer though. asides from melanoma, which has very low survival rates, other skin cancers, while not as deadly, can then spread to different organs and *cause* other deadly cancers.

okay, im new to sunscreens, what should i do?

well first, let me say that mineral vs chemical doesnt really matter, as long as the spf is high enough. the general rule is the higher the spf, the better.

if i were to reccomend a sunscreen, it would be beauty of joseon. it has gone viral, and while i do think its overhyped, i think its a great basic. its pretty cost efficient, not sticky or smelly and doesnt burn my eyes.

you should apply spf if the uv index is 3 or higher, which you can check the levels in your area on any weather website. if youre staying outside for longer than 2 hours, you should reapply.

you dont have to wear suncreen indoors! your windos block most uv rays.

your face needs at least a quarter of a teaspoon to be fully protected. of course the amount varies depending on the size of your face, but usually two fingers are enough to protect your face:

to save as much sunscreen as possible, try to stay in the shade and and cover your body when going outdoors!

before you go to sleep, you should remove your spf by double cleansing!

2. working out:

why does society tell us to work out?

the most common answer is: to lose weight. the get a 'desirable' body shape. to get a 'healthy' body shape.

there are many scientific papers that talk in depth about how your weight isnt indicative of your health, so i am going to spare you, and i certainly dont need to go in depth about how nobody should conform to societys beauty standards.

another thing worth pointing out is that often times, exercise cannot actually give you the shape you want. there are many factors to this, such as genetics or hormones, but the fact is, exercise often just wont help you archieve the ideal body shape anyway.

why should you actually work out, then?

many reasons!

-being in shape (metaphorically, not literally) will make moving around easier and you'll get less tired perfoming your daily tasks.

-working out improves mood and helps with brain fog

-increases energy levels (ironically)

-good for cardiovascular health, digestive health, good for bone heath: that means that as you age, you are more likely to retain more of your mobility than if you didnt work out, and your body will in general be happier

-sometimes it helps you socialize, participate in community etc.

how to get into working out?

now, this is the fun part: there is no wrong way to go about this!

you dont need to do a specific type of working out! in fact, just pick whatever suits you!

you can run or go for walks. dance in your living room or attend dance class. shadow box. go to the gym to box.

lift weights or do at home calisthenics, do chloe ting workout videos, climb trees, go for a bike ride, whatever!

just keep moving! you should workout a few times a week :) you dont need any fancy equipment or clothes.

3. eat healthy

now, this one may be different definition of a healthy diet than youve heard of: you shouldnt eat less, but more. the biggest adjustment to your diet shouldnt be removing things but adding things.

you should eat a lot of vegetables, as well as proteins, sugar and fats.

you can keep your fries and a burgers, but you should add a salad as well!

maybe you grew up believing that you dont like healthy things, like fish or collard greens, but you might be living in a lie :D

i reccommend trying new recipes, you might be surprised!

a good diet will have similiar effects to working out- its very important to nourish your body so that it can work properly.

#health #beauty standards #healthy habits #glowing up #glow up #living longer

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mirukutchi · 4 months

Text

Attempt 2 at writing this lol bc the first one got deleted by accident

I wanted to add my experience to that last post I rbed, bc it resonated with me, particularly the first part where men will call eachother 'girl' or 'feminine' as an insult(this is the only part im commenting on as i am not a transwoman so i have no input on that part of the post. )

I have pcos. I always have. I have a very strong masculine face/jawline. I always have. Ive always had a deep voice, as someone who was born a girl and identifies(at least in part) as a girl. I want this to be known bc its context lol

Guys are not the only ones who misgender as an insult, or to dehumanize others. Girls do it too.

When i was in elementary school i didnt have female friends bc all of them would laugh at me and say they didn't want to be friends with an 'ugly boy'

When i would go to the bathroom in-between classes, other girls would push me out, or yank me out physically and say that 'ugly boys' are not allowed in the girls bathroom.

My mom always made me have short hair, and she always made me wear jeans(and boy shirts bc they are more durable than girl clothes. This part was. Okay. I guess. I liked pokemon and ben 10 so my little brain didnt understand.) I was not allowed to have long hair and i was not allowed to wear dresses or skirts(ever since i was little ive wanted to wear only dresses but i was not allowed to...)

I talked like a baby(high pitched voice) for a good part of my childhood bc i knew that my voice was ugly and deep. When i started to go to speech therapy, i started speaking ""normally"" and my voice got so deep... i remember one of the last times i used my baby voice it was with a teacher and another student, and the student said "hey teacher, listen to (deadname?)'s REAL voice, she sounds just like a boy!"

That was a defining moment in my life.

In middle school, when i still wasnt allowed to have long hair and dresses, girls in my health class would look at me and laugh and whisper about how im actually a boy, and that i shouldnt be there. My face started changing too, my jaw got stronger... my voice got deeper.

I think in highschool people were too focused on other things to really bother me too much, plus people *generally* by that time knew me as a sweet and quiet person, not to mention i was the 'art kid' so that gained me some friends lol, also by highschool i was allowed to grow my hair out, down to my butt almost! And i was allowed to wear dresses and skirts and leggings(mostly leggings at that time bc i was still super skinny lol)

After highschool i had a crisis and shaved my head and tried out being a guy(ftm) but it was, personally, an identity crisis. I didnt know who i was, i had been abused, emotionally and sexually, all through high school by a guy i thought was my friend(i wish i had left sooner...) so i was struggling with what was 'me' plus i thought to myself 'everyone calls me a guy anyway so fuck it' but it gave me advanced dysphoria to be a guy :/

My hair is long now. Past my butt, i can sit on it. I only, exclusively, wear skirts and dresses. I wear a skirt to work bc i begged them to let me(i have autism and pants are a sensory nightmare but also i hate the way i look in them also i will look more like a guy)

Do you know how often i get misgendered? Admittedly not often, but it still happens. Usually its kids, but sometimes i get people calling me 'sir'. I want to scoff and be like 'how can they mistake someone with long braided pigtails and a dress for being a man' and then i remember my childhood.

Also im not writing this to detract from trans experiences, im writing my own experience as a woman-thing with pcos(if you dont know, it basically means that the cysts on my reproductive organs cause me to produce extra testosterone and not enough estrogen) who has frequently been misgendered by other girls

I want to clarify that im also only responding to the first part of the post, im not trying to say my experiences are in some way comparative to trans experiences!

Terfs do NOT touch this post ill shoot you on sight!!!!! Pew pew!!!

#pcos #my nyas

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cogbreath · 5 months

Note

i waint to hea r your bbt things

sheldon is also not the only one whos autistic imo. im not certain of who i all headcanon as such, but i feel its a fitting one for amy and bernadette actually. i think a lot of the problems with the way sheldon's autism is written is the fact that other characters don't *respect* him about it. like his needs and behaviors are often belittled or treated as nonsensical. overall i think everyone should be much kinder and understanding about it towards him seeing as they are literally his friends and all.

also probably a nitpicky thing and a matter of my own autistic sensory preferences but i feel it makes more sense for sheldon to NOT wear his sleeves rolled up for sensory reasons. whatever though im allowed to project. also i think they missed an opportunity to explore his interest in vexillology more? like there was maybe 1 or 2 episodes i remember about it but if youve ever met a vexillology enjoyer you know its a common topic they gush about.

speaking of gushing i think the dynamic between sheldon and amy would be like. two autistic best friends who love to infodump at eachother and do parallel activities. at most maybe they have some sort of queerplatonic thing going on? but im not actually super versed in what that means despite being aromantic myself xP

oh anothet thing that bothers me is how the female characters are written as not getting any of the geeky stuff??? it's stupid. like, yeah penny isnt a nerd, but she's an aspiring actress i think she would know what a star trek is. -_- honestly like, all of them would understand a lot of those things and are probably into similar stuff. bbt seems to think that like, these are Guy interests that all women dont understand or get when in reality like, dc comics n shit like that, literally your average person can follow along so i hate that they make the women seem as if they don't understand star wars references.

obviously this is probably one of the most common complaints about the show but id love to have made a lot of the pop culture references controlled and niche. we dont need a reference every other 5 minutes, id like to define each character's interests in a more sensicle way outside of just "haha guys look theres nerd stuff on tv hahah did you guys get that reference"?

also another problem is the way howard behaves. like some episodes his behavior is like, sexual harassment at times, which is met with a laugh track every time. not cool, and unnecessary, should be written to be more respectful. and then of course id like to make him have a better view of his mother, the dynamic in the show is one based off of antisemitic stereotypes about jewish mothers, and thats shitty. i wont retcon it to be a perfect mother/son relationship, like they would definitely still bicker, but i want to potray his mother as more than nagging and obsessive, like perhaps she does care too much and doesn't always treat him as an adult at times, but i dont find a lot of the overall nastiness that happens in the show between them to be funny or interesting.

raj is a pretty okay character imho, but definitely needs to be written more respectfully. He is a major example of the trope of characters of colour being sidelined. like the fact he was the ONLY character to be single in the end of the series? its kinda fucked up lol. obviously as mentioned before i think raj x howard should be the canon outcome. howeber both of them are bisexual, they both are potrayed as having interest in women; but i also think their interest in eachother is serious, or at least should be written as such. its also probably likely that the way he's written in terms of his culture should be improved but i havent gotten around to that just yet. i also think his anxiety issues should have been written with more respect, like the fact he was physically unable to talk to girls i think shouldnt have been an issue he had with *just* women. it seems they were trying to potray him as having selective mutism? but obviously thats not a thing that ONLY happens when one is a around ppl they r attracted to.

bernadette im actually rlly excited to write better because she reminds me of myself at times. i will dial her mischievous nature and her interest in microbiology up to 10. i will make her infodump about prions just i do.

also imho leonard is transmasc. i dont have any like, "evidence" or theory for why i think that other than just he feels that way to me. not that we even need justifications for transgender headcanons around these parts though.

also wil wheaton will NOT be existing anymore as a character in the narrative due to the fact he blocked me on tumblr for some dumbass shit. LOL.

uh i didnt expect to actually have all that much to say about this show... LOL.. enjoy my rambling!

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acreaturecalledgreed · 1 year

Text

i think, other than the prevalence of often unchecked white supremacy in these communities, i finally realized what it is about so many american norse heathens that gets so under my skin

its that majority of them dont give a shit about the current cultures that are in scandinavia

sure you read the edda like 15 times but do you know literally anything about norway? sweden? denmark? who lives there? what its like there?

you “corrected” me for “incorrectly” calling christmas Jul, but do you not realize that in scandinavia many old pagan norse traditions have long since fused with christianity? that in norway, christmas is a one to two week long affair that is collectively called Jul? do you not realize that?

you want to reclaim your culture but have you put in the effort to learn anything about it other than an american filtered pile of exclusively ancient traditions? did you double and triple check that those things have not been twisted and co-opted by nazis? are you loud and vocal in making that space unwelcome to them?

im sorry that over generations this country stole all this from you to force your family into cohesive, identityless Whiteness

and you shouldnt be barred from trying to reconnect to your culture. its a good thing. i want you to. and honestly i dont think anyone should need to be of norse descent to get to be a part of it.

but it is always going to leave a bad taste in my mouth when you approach it with some kind of mindset that you, american obsessing exclusively over ancient norse history, act like you are in some way More Accurately And Truly Norse than the actual literal people living in scandinavia today

and there is a personal aspect to it as well, one i know a lot of ppl can understand

this country is extremely xenophobic and no, xenophobia is not the same as racism, though they often do overlap i am very much a white person, i have never and will never had to deal with any racism

i am a very privileged person; im a white person who grew up upper middle class with a loving and generous family, and this is in no way denying that

but i am a norwegian person who grew up in america who faced the brunt end of a lot of xenophobia

peers who mocked me when i tried to share traditions and cultures, who told me i was weird or gross

id come home crying the first years after we moved here, embarrassed that i was norwegian, because that made me Different and Bad and Weird

people who spoke to my mother like an idiot because she has an accent, who wanted to “borrow” her bunad, the cultural dress she got fucking married in, to wear to a fucking costume party, who talked so often to her about how Glad they were that she got the Privilege to move to America and away from such a Poor country like norway when she didnt even want to leave her home at the age 45 and only left because my father had to go back to the states

people who were outright harsh and cruel to us for literally no reason other than we Weren’t American Enough (and for that matter, ive had to deal with it on the other end to- Norwegians telling me im stupid and ignorant because Im American and im Not Norwegian Enough, it makes me want to tear all my hair out and scream) it makes me

so bitter

to see those same people who i know were xenophobic to my family b/c we did not fit exactly into American Whiteness now hyper consume and wear norse paganism with pride and in the same breath tell me that i am being norse Wrong

i want to make clear that i am not crying appropriation. i genuinely feel i dont have the right to.

but i am asking for some kind of self awareness and respect

PS. if anyone comes in here trying to act like you must be white to be norse i will break every limb you have and drop you in a ditch to burn that is nazi shit we dont do that here. we love and support norse pagans of color and if you are not putting in an effort to make them feel safe among white peers, you need to fix that.

#i just have a hard time putting words to why so many american norse heathens raise my hackles #sits #i have a lot of feelings and i just dont know how to make them clear

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