#i know i shouldn't compare myself i just. i wish i had anything to say for myself but all i do is write fucking ONESHOTS i cant even write-
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yknow how people just put a dot and then vent in tags for vent posts i should just start putting "i'm not fine" lyrics as the post cause. yeah thats just a whole mood.
#aaaaaanyways ya wanna hear about my mind rn-#don't read if you don't want to this is all vent#the otter ventposts#the otter splashes#i reblogged a writing ask games whyd i do that i cant write anything people are asking for branzypierce i was hoping i could just do short-#-c!pacix snippets n stuff i cant do this i cant but i have to because i cant just say no because im a writer i can Write its the one thing-#i CAN do its the only thing i can do- :( - i can't draw i never do art everyone else does art and i dont and i. i don't need to i dont Want#to but i. its just. artists can write too. like everyone else is doubly talented everyone else can write AND draw and what do i have i have#NOTHING i can't draw. i can only write. everyone can fucking write. and then people are better at writing than me AND better at drawing and#i know i shouldn't compare myself i just. i wish i had anything to say for myself but all i do is write fucking ONESHOTS i cant even write-#longfics i can write like. 1k-2k words and i cant finish any longfics and i can barely write the last few weeks and now i have to finish-#snippets AND the hermitgao3ng thing which is PROBABLY LATE NOW but i havent even STARTED It and its not even like. long enough to make up-#for being late its just gonna be a horrible rushed thing because i can't. get past this stupid writer's block and im not DOING anything-#lately im just. sorry. i know people like my writing but its just. i. fuck. i mean i just i dont want to say anything because IM FINE im-#fine and i just think if i post ANYTHING its just asking for attention and i. i don't WANT attention i just want to be able to write.#sorry. sorry if youre reading this. i dont know why you are.
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good luck, babe! [e.w x fem!reader.]
chapter one.
author's note!<3 - this is inspired by chappell roan's unreleased song good luck, babe! i lllloooovveee chappel roan! this was originally going to be just a LONG ASS one-shot but i don't think i can write any more tonight 😭😭 . BUT I REALLY WANNA PUBLISH IT SO HOPEFULLY YOU GUYS LIKE IT!!!! also forgive me if there's any grammar/spelling errors... i'm posting this at 12:59 am🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶 . reblogs and comments are SO appreciated!!! i busted my ass for y'all 🤗 .
content warnings - SLIGHT angst, reader has internalized homophobia and is outright homophobic to ellie, reader is in the closet, ellie is a lovergirl and she's going through the five stages of grief, modern!au, reader gets sexually assaulted/harrassed, LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYTHING ELSE!!!!
special thanks to!!!!: @sharkfemme and @dykedearest FOR HELPING ME OUT!!!!!! and also LYNN AND MAXIM!!! ALL FOUR OF YOU ARE AMAZING BETA READERS I'M KISSING YOU ALL THROUGH THE PHONE RN!!!
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it's fine, it's cool.
ellie's grip on her glass got impossibly tighter as her eyes never left your figure, your body swaying to whatever shitty mainstream pop music that was playing.
ellie williams hated secrets. she hated surprises, and she hated being in love with you.
she hated the way you would ghost her after spending a week at her apartment. she hated the way you would stop responding to her texts after you would leave. she hated the way she would let you back in when you needed her, she hated how much she loved to comfort you. she hated how gentle you were when it was just the two of you, compared to how cruel you got in public.
you can say that we ain't nothin' when you know the truth.
ellie took her hand off the glass and gripped the bar table instead, afraid that if she broke another glass she'd be banned from the bar.
you were like forbidden fruit to her, or maybe that was what she was to you.
she knew you weren't ready to come out of the closet. she understood that. so, why keep on playing this fucking game with her?
why did she even still feed into it?
i guess i'm, the fool.
the closet was made out of glass, really. you would stare at every woman's body that passed you, your eyes would scan up their short dress, she could see the curiosity and desire in your face.
but every single time after you two would hook up, there was always a new excuse.
"i'm not a fucking lesbian, ellie. i just... don't like men sometimes." sometimes?
"they're just stupid thoughts... it's not like i could ever be with a woman." but you had been. you had been with her.
"ok but... do you even count as a woman? you wear boxers, you don't even know the meaning of the term ladylike and... i don't know- look at your fuckin' hair! the closest you'd get is a transwoman." that one had hurt her. she didn't talk to you for a month after you made that comment. and then you appeared in her apartment complex hallway, sobbing hysterically.
and of course, she took you back.
like she always does.
with her arms out like an angel, through the car sun-roof.
she hated playing this fucking game with you. it was killing her.
every single time she'd see you at this bar, she imagined you dragging her onto the dancefloor. she imagined being able to walk out with your hand in her's, waking up to your groggy groans when the sun invaded the sacred space of your shared bedroom, you'd hide your face in her neck, mumbling something about, "shouldn't have drank that much last night."
every single time you pulled this shit on her, it felt like her already shattered heart broke off into impossibly tinier pieces.
"i wish you were a boy." crack.
"it's not easy for me like it is for you, els. i don't know the first thing about being proud of myself." crack.
"this hurts me more than you, baby." shattered. her heart was shattered.
it hurts you more than her?
the fucking audacity.
the nights she spent crying next to your sleeping figure.
the hours she'd spent texting you and checking her phone second after second after goddamn second.
the way she would ignore every single obligation she had to pick you up from whatever shit-hole situation you had found yourself in, immediately and happily dropping anything to make sure you were ok.
and it hurt you more than it hurt her?
you didn't know shit about hurt. about misery. about love.
i don't wanna cut it off!
her friends had told her to cut you off. her therapist said in his own professional shrink way that you would never be good for her. at least not while you weren't even good for yourself.
but she couldn't let you go. it seemed like every reason that she had to leave you, fuelled her determination to stay.
but you don't wanna call it love!
every single time you somehow broke her heart in a new way, she fell harder in love with you.
you just wanna love someone that calls you baby!-
ellie was pulled out of her internal anger when your eyes met hers. although it was only a few seconds ago, it felt like she was staring into your eyes for an eternity.
don't fuckin' wave, ellie. look away- LOOK AWAY. , she thought to herself as she was unable to look away from your beautiful irises.
you had this slight smile on your face, the dancefloor's led lights adding a shimmer to your already twinkling eyes.
it felt like her melancholy thoughts had lifted and increased all at the same time by the sight of you acknowledging her presence.
ellie went against her better judgement, her slender hand flying up to wave at you. her lips quirked upwards gently as she scanned your delighted face.
your light expression quickly turned into one of frustration, suppressing your grin with a tightening of your lips before pulling the nearest man close to you in for an unexpected kiss, opening your eyes once you knew the mystery man's were closed, locking your eyes onto ellie's before closing them once more.
the light had died in ellie's stomach after that. her happy hand that was raised in the air faltered painfully back to her side as she watched the man's hands roam down from your sides... to your waist... to your ass.
you can kiss a hundred boys in bars,
those butterflies that she had just felt in her tummy had died slowly, turning into knots of anguish.
she watched your hands cradle the man's face. those same hands that had counted each and every freckle on her face on a snowy morning that had you both stranded in her apartment.
those same hands that had a death-grip on her back as you sobbed into her shoulder every other weeknight as she tried to muffle her own cries.
those same hands that had shoved her violently as she finally tried to stand her ground one afternoon you showed up knocking on her door. "you know what... fuck you, ellie! i don't know why i keep on doing this shit with you anyways." you said, before storming off. you called her later that night. she answered. "i'm sorry, els. i'm sorry, i'll do better, i'm so sorry-" , "it's ok, baby. it's ok. i know you didn't mean it. you're ok baby, i forgive you."
shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling!
she would've stayed in that seat, stewed in her anger for a bit more before the tears inevitably came falling down if it wasn't for the way the dude's hands creeped under your skin-tight jeans and how you flinched away from his grasp, breaking the kiss immediately with a nervous giggle creeping up.
the guy obviously took it as an invitation to do more, placing his hand back on your waist and agressively pulling you closer.
you can say it's just the way you are,
ellie's head tilted as she watched this go down.
what she wanted to do was launch that creep into the nearest wall and make sure he never tainted your body again. but she didn't want to get up too soon, she wanted to be certain that you needed help, whether you wanted it or not.
your hand stopped him from coming any closer, placing it right before his chest. you said something along the lines of, "don't want to do anything." .
make a new excuse, another stupid reason-
instead of him being a decent human being and leaving you alone, his face quickly turned into one of anger. his jaw jutted out as he tried to pull you in again, leaving you thrashing against his body.
how was no one else seeing this? why was no one else doing anything?!
she didn't even have time to process what she was about to do. her feet were on the ground, marching their way towards you before she could even think about her course of action in a smart way.
"let me go, fuckin' creep!" she heard you shriek as she grew closer to you, attempting to elbow him in the chest.
ellie felt like no matter how fast she was walking, she would never make it to you in time.
he laughed tauntingly as he grinded against. "i'm the creep, bitch?! you kissed me f-"
his last word was stolen from him as ellie forcefully pushed him off you with and landed a blow against his nose.
he groaned in pain, falling to the ground as he cradled his now-broken-nose.
you gasped in shock and horror. "what the fuck, ellie?!" you scolded her. as if you would've been fine on your own.
she ignored your words though, pulling the guy's hand away as she forced another punch to his face.
now people were finally looking.
she didn't stop until she felt your hands on her stomach, pulling her away from the scene.
"she fuckin'... said... no!..." ellie's voice thundered, erratic breaths in between her words before bringing one last painful kick to his face before letting you lead her out of the bar and into the night air.
you didn't stop even after you two were at the entrance door of the establishment, you made sure the two of you were far enough away that ellie wouldn't be caught if the police were called.
she couldn't help but feel those stupid fucking butterflies again as your hand gripped hers and felt a little disappointed when you dropped it, suddenly all too aware that you were still in public.
her green eyes met your own, yours filled with anger and chaos... hers filled with love.
"hey baby." the auburnette sighed out simply, that stupid love-grin back on her face as she was finally close to you.
your eyebrows furrowed in disbelief as your hands went to massage your temples. you let out a humorless giggle. "you're so... fucking stupid, ellie!" you exclaimed, shoving her chest as if she was in the wrong.
her grin turned into a confused frown as she surrendered her hands in the air, her eyebrows mirroring your own now. "wh-wh....what-"
good luck, babe!
"god, you have this severe goddamn saviour complex or some shit!... i was fine! i was fucking fine on my own before you marched in and assaulted that guy."
well good luck, babe!
you gaslighted beautifully, defending the man you knew nothing about over the woman who was fatally in love with you, she almost believed you.
ellie's frown turned into an angry smile as she brought a hand to gently wipe over the bridge of her nose, a mannerism of her's she had developed whenever she got frustrated with you.
"assau-... ok, sure-... you wanna talk about assault, baby? that fuckin' guy would've assaulted you if i didn't step in. he was assaul-"
you shut your eyes tightly the way you do when you wanted to block something out that ellie was obviously right about. you shook your head stubbornly. "gggoddd ellie- it was my fault! i wanted it and then i didn't. i shouldn't have- i shouldn't have kissed him in the first place. i gave him mixed signals, i-"
you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling!-
your eyebrows grew dangerously closer to your face as you cradled your head in your hands.
ellie was quick to walk right back to you, caressing your arms.
"what? baby, no. no, it's not your fault... that- that fuckin' guy... hey... look at me, sweetheart." she cooed lovingly.
good luck, babe!
you slowly brought your hands away from your face, meeting her breathtaking green eyes.
you wanted to fall into her arms, you wanted to thank her for coming to your rescue and kiss her and confess to her how scared you truly were.
but you didn't. you never did.
your slightly calm expression that came over you once you met your secret lover's gaze turned into one of annoyance. ellie was, like always, taken by surprise as you thrashed against her grip, just like the way you did with that monster in the bar.
good luck, babe!
ellie's eyes blurred with tears as she watched your face turn into a grimace.
"fuck you, ellie." you said quietly as you broke free from her hands, storming off into the night. leaving her. like always.
you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.
#ellie x fem reader#ellie x abby#ellabs#ellie x reader#ellie the last of us#ellie williams#ellie tlou#dina tlou#tlou2#tlou art#joel tlou#tlou#jesse tlou#dina woodward#ellie x you#ellie x dina#ellie x y/n#abby anderson smut#abby anderson fic#abby tlou#abby anderson x reader#abby anderson audios#abby anderson#ellie williams fanfic#ellie williams fanart#ani's ellie🎀
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May I please request Snape x insecure, chubby female reader?
Reader is having a bad day and Snape is there to cheer her up. Can be smut or not, I'll leave that up to you!
Thank you in advance!
Yes! I don't know what exactly you had in mind, but I decided to take the approach I did knowing how harmful social media can be and how easy it is to compare yourself to "influencers" who edit their photos/videos and promote unhealthy fad diets to achieve a body they may not even have lol. I'm sure it's something a lot of us can relate to 🙃
Warnings:
Body image issues, disordered eating habits
NSFW (p in v) -> MINORS DNI
Word count: 1.3k
"Severus, can I ask you something?"
"Yes, what is it?"
"Do you...find me attractive?"
He dropped the book in his hands before turning to you to meet your eyes. "Of course, I do, darling." He couldn't understand what prompted you to ask such a question. He may not be the best with his words, but he was certain the way he held you, kissed you, and made love to you were clear indications of his desire for you. Perhaps he was wrong, though.
"Okay, good," you responded, but you didn't seem convinced.
"Where is all this coming from, love?" He inched closer to you, placing a finger on your chin to turn your face towards him as he wrapped you in his embrace. "Did I ever do anything to make you feel otherwise? Please tell me, because—"
"N-no," you interjected. "I just...don't understand how you could look at me and...want me like that."
Hearing you talk down about the person he loved most stung deeply into his heart. "How could I not want you? How could you say that about yourself?"
"I'm sorry! Let's just drop this; forget I even said anything." You pulled away from him, but his grip around you tightened.
"No, I'm not dropping this. Look at me," he ordered, cupping your cheeks as he wiped your trailing tears away. "Tell me what happened."
You took a deep breath, closing your eyes as you attempted to gather your thoughts without breaking down. "Sev, I...I've been feeling insecure lately. Like a lot. As I was flipping through magazines, you know it hit me that I don't look anything like those women in there. Fuck, it’s so embarrassing to admit because I know I shouldn't compare myself, but it's how I've been feeling, and I just don't understand how someone could be into me like that. I'm not skinny or slim like them, and I...don’t know, but I don’t feel good about myself at all.”
"Do you really think those models really look like that, too? Without manipulating the photographs somehow or compromising their health, at least?"
You shook your head, knowing that he was right, but it was hard to remember sometimes.
"Pardon me, but I find it incredibly difficult to understand how the very same person who finally made me feel content with my own self is talking about themself like this. Do you remember what I was like before we met? I barely ate; I practically lived on black coffee to keep myself awake, alive even. I neglected myself in multiple ways and excused my frequent meal skipping as me being far too busy to take care of myself, but really, I didn't think I was deserving of proper nourishment. I knew what I was doing was wrong but couldn't stop. I came to hate looking at myself because I knew I was the cause of my own predicament. I found myself disgusting, absolutely appalling.
But when you came into my life, you made sure that I ate, even when I wasn't particularly hungry. And I loved all the times we shared meals and cooked together; I still do. Eventually, I put on weight. And guess what else? I'm energized. I can do all the things I need to do without feeling like I'm going to faint. I eat actual food for breakfast now. I can change in front of the mirror without immediately wincing. One might even say I'm healthy. And I can thank you for that."
"Oh, Sev," you whispered.
"My point here is not to make this about me but to emphasize how much you have helped me. I wouldn't wish anyone to be in the position I used to be in; not everyone has the genetics to maintain such a figure naturally. I certainly didn't. I don't know if this is where your mind was taking you, but it would absolutely break my heart if you even thought about taking extreme measures to change yourself.
I'm sorry for failing to make you see yourself the way I do. I know I don't say it enough, but I love you. I love you for so many reasons. You're the most alluring woman imaginable, and not in spite of your insecurities. I find you incredibly...sexy. I crave you constantly, especially when you're not in my presence."
You couldn't find the words to describe the overwhelming love you were feeling at this moment.
"And should you need further convincing..." he continued, slowly making you lie down flat on the bed until he was on top of you, pulling himself closer into a kiss as he let out a moan against your lips.
You returned the kiss, wrapping your arms around his back.
He couldn't help but press his core against yours, thinking about all the times you laid nude for him, ready to take his aching cock. He wasn't sure if this was the right moment for that to happen again, but any doubts were cleared when you ordered him to "fuck you" right then and there.
"Are you sure, my love?" he asked.
"Yes, I want you now; I need you."
He pulled away from you to take off his nightshirt, revealing his bare torso, covered in scars and protruding out. He let you explore him with your hands as it was a sight left unseen most nights. You played with the peaks upon his chest, giggling as your fingers slid down to his stomach.
You sat up to help him remove your own top, leaving you in just your bra. His palms made their way to your waist before he settled there. "Mmmh, you're so gorgeous," he breathed as he placed light, feathery kisses all over your skin.
You whined at each brush of his lips against you, but he wanted to take his sweet time with you. When he was finally ready, his kisses made a trail down, and he slowly pulled off your bottoms along with your panties. You twitched at the sudden change in temperature but spread your legs widely for him.
He inhaled deeply as he took in your scent before placing the last kisses over your center. As talented as he was with his tongue, you didn't want that tonight.
"No, Sev. I want you to take me. Please," you whimpered.
He obeyed you and didn't hesitate to remove the remaining pieces of clothing on his body. As his cock sprang out of his underwear, you unclasped your bra, finally leaving the both of you completely stripped and vulnerable.
He took his length in his hand, placing it on your clit and gliding it through your lips until it reached your entrance. It slid in with such ease, and he groaned as he started to slowly pump in and out.
"I love—fuck—I love you so much!" he screamed. "You are absolutely—ugh—beautiful, stunning, ravishing."
"Fuck, Sev, I love you, too—ah!"
You dug your fingers into his back and wrapped your legs around him as he pulled closer to you, leaving barely any space between you two. You wanted to express how gorgeous he was when he looked at you with his glittering eyes, the strands of his hair brushing against your face when he was this close to you, your foggy brain couldn't think of any words to fully express your attraction to the man you loved most.
Though you wanted this moment to last, neither of you could hold back anymore. Your back arched, and his thrusts became messy as his seed spilled inside your tightening walls.
Unable to support himself any further, he pulled out and dropped right next to you as he lazily kept an arm over your stomach.
When you finally caught your breaths, he pulled you in closer to tightly wrap his arms around you and whispered a final "I love you" before blissfully drifting off to sleep.
#hope you like it 👉🏼👈🏼#snape#snape x reader#snape x y/n#snape x you#snape smut#snape fanfiction#snape fic#severus snape#severus snape x reader#severus snape x y/n#severus snape x you#severus snape smut#severus snape fanfiction#severus snape fic
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Hello !!! Before requesting anything I just want to say that you're one of my favorite blog on Tumblr and I absolutly love your writing ! Now, could I please request headcanons for Tenya and Mezo and how they'd be with a partner that use to date one of their close friend ? Angst or fluff or anything ! Hope you have an amazing week !
[ Awe <3 I feel special. Thank you for being a fan of my work! I'll do a mixture of both, angst and fluff are fun to write in moderation. I hope you enjoy! ]
It happened after school when you were walking with Ashido, Uraraka, and Kyoka. Ashido had started teasing Uraraka about her obvious crush on Izuku and you blurted out that you dated him over the summer which is part of the reason you had enrolled at Yuuei High.
You should have suspected that word would spread and mistakenly thought that Tenya being the logical and straightforward individual would dismiss the rumors. Instead, he confronted you "I believe it is best to retrieve information from the source, please confirm or deny your previous relationship with Midoriya." Maybe you should have kept quiet.
You never imagined that Tenya of all people could show jealousy, but whenever Izuku happened to be around Tenya would take your hand securely in his or pull you close to him as if trying to show the world or at least Izuku that you were his. When you questioned his actions, he responded with "Forgive me, is public affection, not a normal aspect we should practice in our relationship?"
When you had enough of his jealous behavior, you confronted him. He looked at you with that all too familiar glance and said, "I admire Midoriya. However, I cannot expect to surpass him if I am not prepared to see him as a rival as well and if I am not prepared to prove that our relationship is worth more than what you may have experienced with him," before embracing you for fear you'd turn away.
If there was one thing Tenya did well, it was overthinking. While he didn't want to press the matter or act as though he didn't trust you the thought of you once being with his close friend plagued his mind and his jealousy turned into attention-seeking behavior. He'd constantly initiate cuddling, and hugging, and wouldn't let you out of his sight.
"I know perhaps that I have been acting strange as of late, but I find myself unable to justify the fact you once belonged to a close friend of mine. I...am afraid I am selfish, and I wish to have you and your whole entire heart. Please surrender them to me," he spoke tenderly one night before pulling you close for a much-needed kiss.
"Oh yeah, Y/n and I go way back! I can tell you all the things they like! Including well…you know," Hanta teased one day, nudging one of Shoji's arms. "Oh um…" he didn't think much of it at first, after all, Hanta was mostly talk, right?
Unfortunately, he had come to find out that it was true, you had dated Hanta for a brief time, but you found that you and he had too many differences. He didn't treat you badly by any means, and maybe you were being a little unfaithful when you realized that you had your eye on someone else while you were with him. Of course, that someone happened to be Shoji.
When you confirmed the fact that you used to be with Hanta, it stirred up some negative emotions in Shoji, while he knew he shouldn't compare himself to Hanta. He knew that unlike him, Hanta was handsome and without unsightly scars across his face. How could he expect to compete with that kind of beauty?
Taking his negative emotions out on you was wrong, but they continued to build up until he blurted out, "Did…you date him because he's attractive?" one day. The question caught you off guard and before you could answer, he continued. "After all, he doesn't have the face of a monster," he knew his words might cause a fight, but he couldn't help but speak honestly.
"So, he really said that?" you knew it might not be a wise idea, but you told Hanta how Shoji had been acting since finding out the two of you used to date. "Isn't the reason you fell for him because he has that monster appeal?" he joked and soon regretted it when he received a much-deserved slap. Although he wasn't wrong, you fell for Shoji because he was so different and those scars of his were kind of attractive.
You sensed there was a growing distance between the two of you, and you hated it. You wanted nothing more than to confront Shoji and tell him he was acting childish. Instead, you ended up confessing the real reason why you fell for him. Yes, it was because of his scars but more so his gentle personality and those arms that always made you feel safe when they were wrapped around you.
"Maybe I was being…monstrous," he said, nuzzling his face into your hair and inhaling your sweet familiar scent. "I just…love you and I don't want to share you with anyone," he confessed. Deep down he knew he didn't, and he'd have to make sure it stayed that way.
#iida x reader#shoji x reader#iida x y/n#shoji x you#iida x you#bnha x y/n#bnha x self insert#bnha x reader#bnha x you#faulty writes: tenya iida: 23#faulty writes: tenya iida: headcanons: 23#faulty writes: shoji mezo: 23#faulty writes: shoji mezo: headcanons: 23
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Hi! i know you already get those asks but i really want to vent: i think them making pharmercy canon now would not be satisfating for me - im a lesbian, i feel like there was no indication since the game release that they have anything for each other, if anything mercy was very close to genji, they were very sutil with that, and all pharmercy 'flirt' lines are so recent feels like rushed. One of my favorite lesbian ships ever is Caitlyn and Vi from league, they construed they relationship for YEARs, from partners to lovers and just NOW in 2023 after years and everything they confirmed both as lesbians and even in Arcane they doing great with their romance. another exemple is leona and diana and killjoy with reze in valorant, compared with overwatch feels like they dont know how to develop a organic/fresh relationship between their female characters from the game, rigth now looks just pandering for me.
And yeah I do see where your coming from, Gency has had years of build up in canon while Pharmercy has just started being pushed. Though because of the fact that in the past we've seen OW writers say that they ship Pharmercy I don't think it pandering exactly. I think it's more wish fulfilment.
I also agree with what you're saying about what happened in other games when it comes to LGBTQ+ rep, those ships have had build up. To the point where I, a person who doesn't play either game, know what your talking about. I myself am also a lesbian and I have recognized Pharah as lesbian coded since I first got into Overwatch, which was back in 2016, they've had plenty of time to add things like voice lines or lore to this relationship but they haven't. I looked up their old Overwatch 1 interactions for this post and basically none of them have that flirting vibe that the new voice lines have, most of the personal ones being Mercy saying how she thinks Ana would be proud of Pharah and Pharah just going "are we talking about the same person here?"
Also I've stated it briefly in other posts on Pharmercy but I just don't think they would work, at least they wouldn't stay a couple for a long time. A big thing that people forget when it comes to Pharmercy is that Angela has a lot of issues she needs to sort out, one of those being her terrible communication skills and her ability to say goodbye to people. The reason this is important is because Fareeha has abandonment issues, and we see how Angela's inability to communicate already affects their relationship in "As You Are", we clearly see that Angela leaving without saying goodbye affected Pharah.
This also culminates into this being a story where one person has to wait for the other to sort out their issues, which is something I don't want for Pharah. This plot line with Gency works because it's mutual. If Pharah is going to be with someone I either want them to be dealing with something that Pharah can actually help with (like Symmetra and her inevitable identity crisis) or for her partner to be just as sure of herself as Pharah is (like Sombra or Kiriko).
Again I don't want Pharah to have to wait for Angela to get her issues sorted out, she already has to wait for her mother to come back, she shouldn't have to wait for her romantic life either, and Angela's problems are not something Pharah is really equipped to help with. We actually see how Genji and Angela talk while Pharah tends to offer silent support.
I don't hate Pharmercy and under different circumstances I think they would work, however, not only are the writers kind of fumbling to get me invested but Pharah and Mercy have so many things working against them on a personal level. Not only that but they're fundementally different morally, I think a lot of people forget that Angela doesn't like helix calling them mercenaries with no regard for civilian life, while knowing full well that Pharah works for Helix. That kind of difference would work in a friendship but that would not go well in a romantic relationship.
Anyway, again I don't hate Pharmercy, it's not one of my top ships but I do like it. However, what has been presented in canon either just doesn't get me invested or I just don't want to see happen in terms of characterization (again Pharah shouldn't have to wait for her romantic life in the same way she needs to wait for her family).
#overwatch#overwatch 2#overwatch lore#overwatch headcanons#analysis#angela ziegler#ow mercy#mercy overwatch#mercy#pharah#pharah overwatch#fareeha amari
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"If I didn't know any better."
a/n: when I tell you I'm like so seriously embarrassed about posting this LMAOJAKSJW I'm gonna post this once pretend I never did it and hide in my other acc just you wait-- welp, this is a very small scenario for my oc x canon, supposed to be the vignette story of the p.e. clothes for my oc. I understand that this kinda stuff is not everyone's cup of tea so if you're not into that pls just walk away ty. Also, you may change my oc's name for yours if you wish to read this as a reader x ruggie fic, I don't care much if I'm being honest
Daisy sighed as she sat down on a bench, trying to catch her breath. Savannaclaw's morning training was no joke, it was way more intense than she could ever imagine… but then again, if they were the top of their school when it comes to Spelldrive — well, at least second to Diasomnia — then she guessed it shouldn't be a surprise. She grabbed a water bottle and drank most of it in practically one go, she was exhausted, and she still needed to get that picture for Azul… today was gonna be rough.
"You're already tired?" Ruggie's voice popped out of nowhere, making Daisy flinch at the sudden sound. She lifted her head and saw the beastman standing in front of her, his head tilted with a smirk on his face.
Daisy huffed as she frowned. "I'm not used to this training, you know?" She glanced at his arm for a second, her expression softening a bit. "...is your arm ok?"
"You're such a worrywart, I'm fine." Ruggie groaned, instinctively caressing his arm. "You should worry more about yourself, you know? You have a contract with Azul."
Daisy became quiet after that. It was no use trying to voice her worry for Ruggie's wellbeing, ever since Leona's overblot she has been checking up on him, worried about his health, but all she got was a groan and a 'worry about yourself, prefect, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself'. It was frustrating, but there was nothing she could do about it.
Ruggie sat down on the bench, taking her bottle from her hand despite her complaints and drinking from it. She sighed in defeat.
"So? You have a plan?"
"About my contract?" She thought for a second after he nodded. "Well, I'm… not really sure. I'm just gonna try and go to the museum, see how things are and if I get lucky I'll be able to get the picture."
Ruggie hummed but didn't say anything, so it became quiet between them, the only sounds being the students walking and talking occasionally, Grim almost picking up a fight with Leona who promptly ignored him, and Jack who sighed at the monster.
Daisy shifted her gaze to the side, taking a look at the guy sitting beside her. Ruggie was… annoying, she thought; he was self centered and seemed to know exactly what buttons to push to get on her nerves, yet… she found him intriguing. He tended to Leona and did exactly as he was told, but only if he could get something in return, he wasn't one for blind trust but, in a weird way, he seemed to really do trust Leona and his plan — well… until the lion beastman gave up, that is. He was hurt but he actively avoided getting help from anyone, it was almost as if he didn't believe that people would want to help him; he was annoying and had a way to piss her off, but he seemed to be way softer than he said he was, at least that's what she could gather by observing him for the past few days.
His ears were big, bigger than Leona's, rounder than Jack's… his eyes were a beautiful blue color and she noticed he had freckles all over his face; he was smaller and skinnier compared to the others in his dorm, but he was just as capable of handling himself during Spelldrive practices;
Daisy glanced at his lips for a moment, recalling his cheeky smile and how his eyes tended to smile together with it. It usually meant he was messing with her but… strangely enough, she couldn't help but think his smile was really pleasant.
"Are you done checking me out, prefect?"
Daisy's cheeks went red upon realizing he noticed her stare. The girl cleared her throat and looked away, scratching her neck, nervously.
"I wasn't checking you out, I was just- I was thinking." Well… she wasn't exactly lying, she was thinking.
"Sure you were." He teased, turning to look at her. "What were you thinking of? I saw you staring at my lips."
"I wasn't- I wasn't doing it on purpose, and I wasn't thinking anything like that." Daisy quickly said, trying to defend herself.
At that, Ruggie hummed and tilted his head, a smirk forming onto his features. "Like what?"
Gosh, he was insufferable.
Daisy decided she wouldn't answer. She couldn't let him get on her nerves.
"You just gonna ignore me now? Aw, you hurt me like that, Daisy."
"You really do enjoy annoying me, huh."
"Your expressions are priceless, so yeah." Ruggie laughed that signature laugh of his and despite the situation, Daisy felt the urge to laugh with him… was he using his spell on her or something? Ruggie seemed to catch the very small smile she was trying to contain, and smirked at her mischievously. "Is that a smile I see? Did I make you smile?"
"No." Daisy tried to contain herself, clearing her throat and covering her mouth.
"Worrying about me, staring at me, and now smiling at my teasing… you know, if I didn't know any better-" he paused, as if taking delight in her curious expression. "-I'd think you have a crush on me."
"A crush? On you?" Her eyes widened in pure shock, now letting a small, shocked and neevous chuckle escape. "Well, I'm all for believing in your dreams so if that's what you're dreaming of, go for it." She rolled her eyes, the smile being unable to contain at this point.
Truly, she was starting to question what was the matter with herself. Part of her was annoyed at his teasing and at the insinuation he just made, but another — a part that seemed to grow each day she spent in Ruggie's presence — seemed to weirdly enjoy it, like having him try to pick on her was fun somehow, like hearing his laugh was worth the frustration he made her feel.
Ruggie chuckled, and Daisy felt her ears turn pink. There it was, the confirmation that she truly was going crazy.
They both heard Leona call for the last training session, though he himself seemed to want it all to be over already. Both of them got up and Ruggie continued on his training as if their exchange never happened, and Daisy couldn't help but be a bit bothered by it.
There was nothing she could do though, not right now at least.
#ruggie bucci x reader#ruggie bucchi x yuu#oc x canon#yuu twisted wonderland#twst yuu#ruggie bucchi#twst ruggie#twisted wonderland ruggie#ruggie x oc#💌 ! daisy#💌 ! daiggie
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I don't like talking about twitter drama anywhere but I just found the funniest twitter drama I've seen and it's literally about turon (a filipino snack made up of a fried wrapped banana with glazed sugar). Here's the translated thread as I guide you to this insanity:
"I SCOLDED CASHIERS AT SM MANILA SUPERMARKET.
The line to buy a turon was long and there were only a few turon left on the stand. I was in the middle of the line and there was a lot more people behind me that wanted to avail a turon."
"There were 2 cashiers that were on break or had clocked out maybe that went to the cashier of the turon stand, and I heard that they were trying to reserve 2 turon. The cashier said 'Go to the line hey' but these two insisted that they don't need to go on the queue. So my blood started boiling because I really hate getting cut off in line."
"Then the one cashier took 2 turons for the two cashiers that cut in line. One of them said 'Dat ours?' then the cashier gave the turon to the two cashiers that cut in line and were waiting at the counter to pay. So my blood boiled even more."
"Then I told the cashier 'Miss you actually let these two cut in line while there's so many people in line, you're being unfair to the people waiting at the back' the cashier said 'Ah the two, sir?' Then I replied 'Obviously, yes!' with a bit of an angry tone in my voice."
"The 2 cashiers that cut in line for the turon were already holding them then I told these other two who were assigned in the counter that 'If you don't give up the turon, I'll let your manager know, there's a lot of people in line hoping to buy it too.' Dont tolerate that kind of attitude. So unfair!"
"The two cashiers didn't really say anything and they took the turon from the other two that cut in line. I just don't get why there's these kinds of people that could already see that there's a line but are still forcing themselves in and would choose to be unfair to others."
"Given that they're employees of SM, shouldn't they be more understanding because we're customers where they work. I'm not saying that the customer is always right, I just wish that they also know what's right and wrong. And there, I was able to buy a Turon with Chocnut*. Delicious!"
"And the people in line behind me because they were also able to buy some. 😊"
Additional Context:
Turon in SM is priced at PHP 25 which is relatively cheap. It's bout 0.50 USD?
More comparatively, seeing as OP looked at least middle to upper class (we'll discuss that later), it would've been easily affordable to him, but maybe a bit of a struggle for the two cashiers since they make less than the national average and are also contractual, often losing their jobs and not having any benefits.
Chocnut - a popular Filipino peanut butter chocolate that has a powdery consistency. it often melts in your mouth and is widely popular and beloved across the country.
This shit blew up and I mean blew up like this was just over ONE thread
It blew up so much that TURON started trending in Filipino twitter
Most people agreed that although cutting in line is bad, it seemed like OP felt way too proud of himself and probably should've just let it go because they were probably underpaid, overworked employees who only had 15 minute breaks.
OP's replies were also reeeeally self-important like
Person 1: mygod girl just dont anger a hungry person. lols
OP: I stood up not for myself but for the people who were in line too and willing to wait. Again, respect and let's just be fair.
Person 2: Oh no, he rly thinks of himself as a hero after what he's done here 😭😭😭😭
People jokingly started calling OP patay-gutom (lit. dead-hungry), a term we use here for someone extremely hungry and typically those who are hungry because of extreme poverty so OP decided to prove the haters wrong by... telling people that he was actually a millionaire???
Person 3: You're a bit patay-gutom sis in this part. All that lashing for turon? Hahaha. Get a life girly!
Person 3: This is the deleted tweet of sissy @/op's handle
[Screenshot of OP's tweet with an attached censored image of one of his bank account information that shows that he has 1.5 Million Pesos.
OP: Me who's patay-gutom and a girly with no life, is this okay now? Or do I SS my other banks? Jkkkk✌🏻]
So anyway, here's some of my favorite tweets translated!
The turon of SM, bow
The turon of SM is queued for
The sweet banana, sugar and chocnut
Spreads at every bite
Giving joy to those in line and the cashier
Yet the poor cashier
Who stood for ten hours
Was denied two of the turon...
Next time you should just buy turon here I mean you have P1.5 M in Metrobank anyway
[Image of the top of a menu for Amanpulo Clubhouse Restaurant]
The line for turon at SM jk:
[screenshots of two videos of people slowly walking in a line in a crowded railway station]
motherfucker your thread is so long that if you just used the time you used to type to just go to the next sm to buy turon
------------------
It's officially been about a day and half since this happened but it's still trending right now which is pretty crazy. I don't think I've ever been this blown away with discourse over filo twitter until now. I will probably think about Turon Man for a good while.
#mayaposts#mayapino#filipino#philippines#twitter#twitter drama#discourse#twitter discourse#turon#bananas#sm manila#manila#idk what else to tag this as#turon man#long post#people calling him a karen is so funny ngl#like honestly i get getting pissed off by this and yeah i could see people i know do this kinda thing but posting about it and then adding#what's essentially an ''and then everyone clapped'' in the end really made this story personally#then op revealing himself as a millionaire? *chef's kiss*#all for a cheap fried banana snack that from a chain mall that's honestly pretty mid compared to other easier and cheaper places you could#get it from#i know i do mostly history stuff but this was just so funny my friends who are otherwise also disengaged from twitter had been laughing#about this man for at least an hour now#we'll probably reference him for days to come#i also decided to translate this manually because the auto-translate isn't giving it justice + it didn't translate some of the tweets fsr
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Ever Beating Heart
Insecurities and frustrations arise as Ros stands before the grave of his departed mother. The burden of being the only true Heart left in service to the Crown weighs down upon his shoulders, threatening to crush him. For what is his purpose when he has no one to properly teach and nurture his ability into being a proper Heart of the King?
Warnings: Grief, Loss of Family, Minor Emetophobia (nothing graphic; goes more into the vivid depictions of the feeling of nausea)
Word Count: 1,930
Before a marble tombstone stood a boy no older than thirteen years. In his hands, he held a bouquet of dead and wilted flowers, limp and brown. He had already laid down a fresh bouquet consisting of white peonies, daffodils, and carnations. Upon the tombstone read the name Aurae Viridis.
The boy stared for a time at the tombstone. He pursed his lips, bringing his free hand up to move some loose strands of brown hair from his vision. It was not often he found himself in the royal cemetery on his own. The boy had originally been there to change the flowers on his own rather than leaving it to the groundskeepers. Though he lingered, staring hard into the white marble. More and more his feet felt reluctant to leave.
“Hey… Mom…” the boy finally spoke. His lips parted momentarily. Closing his mouth, he looked down at the wilted flowers in his hands, trying to think of anything to say, or get off his chest. His mind was filled with all kinds of things that could have been said to alleviate the weight he felt accumulate within.
A sigh left him.
“Dad's been well…” the boy finally started. “He's been helping me stay on track, you know? Just…sometimes it's hard. I feel really weak compared to everyone else.”
The boy had no initial intention of staying there, he really did not. Though the more words started to come out, he found himself crouching down and then sitting on his knees. He placed the wilted flowers aside, freeing his hands.
“I know I shouldn't compare myself to them. Dad and Uncle are always telling me that I shouldn't compare myself to them,” the boy said, scoffing as he looked down at the grass. “You'd probably say that healing magic is just as important or powerful. Or something…”
The boy hesitated.
“I don't know anymore…”
Looking down at his lap, the boy frowned.
“... I don't remember what you sound like anymore. But I see you…on the walls at home. I'm glad I can remember what you look like, I just…wish I could hear you, too.” Adjusting, the boy brought his legs out so that he was sitting cross legged on the grass. He then looked at one of his hands, opening and closing it a couple times.
“It's not like I can heal this kind of pain…” the boy continued. “I can't heal the ache in my chest when I think about you. I tried. It sucks that I can't. But…”
The boy shook his head, placing his hand back into his lap. Turning his gaze back toward the tombstone, he took in a breath and sighed.
“Maybe it's good I can't heal that pain?” His statement ended with a question. He was uncertain that it was a justified thing to say. Though he gathered himself and continued: “it kind of reminds me that I'm learning all of this and doing what I can to break the limitations of what we know is possible so that none of us have to lose anyone else… I don't want to lose anyone else.”
Silence soon blanketed the royal cemetery after the boy said that. Only the rustling of the trees as the gentle winds passed made any sound. He sat in it for a while, letting his words stew. All he could do was reflect upon them, thinking on what his own words meant to him -- how they shaped his resolve. Was there a better way to word how he felt and why he pushed himself?
Leaning back, the boy planted the palms of his hands behind him. He then turned his gaze skyward, his eyes trailing along the Wall’s shimmer before it looked past that into the cerulean expanse of the sky above. It was cloudless. A nice day by the common standard.
“... Sometimes I wonder…” the boy softly said. “If I was where I am now in my training back then… Could I have saved you?”
Silence again.
“... Probably not…” he concluded.
Huffing in annoyance, the boy pushed himself back up into a standing position, grabbing the wilted bouquet as he did. He lingered, still feeling rooted to the spot. For a brief moment, he wanted to crush the wilted bouquet out of frustration. At least it was already dead.
But he thought better of it. He frowned as he looked at the browned flowers. There was nothing about them that could have been salvaged. No amount of magic could have allowed him to raise them back and be lush and verdant.
Not that he knew of…
An amused scoff escaped him.
“... What the hell is the point of our family name being ‘Viridis,’ then?” the boy laughed wryly. He furrowed his brow, his smile just as wry as his laughter.
‘To hell with it…’ the boy thought to himself. His gaze was locked on the withered bouquet. Mana flowed through him, the hair on the back of his neck and arms raising as he felt the warm, soothing power wash over him. His hands tingled as he focused his abilities. It was a gentle feeling overall.
The stress of using so much mana, however, was felt. The boy felt his head grow light and hot, a sheen of sweat breaking out. A slow building nausea built up from the pits of his stomach to the base of his throat. Despite the warmth and soothing sensation within his hands, everything else about pushing himself to break boundaries was sickening.
He had to push himself. He had to.
He had to.
He had to.
He had to.
With the focus and stream of mana with his goal clear in his mind, the boy soon fell back to his knees. He gasped, his lungs feeling as if they had the wind stolen from them. His vision dimmed as his head swam through that dizzying feeling of swimming through noxious fumes. Falling forward, the boy dropped the wilted flowers as he caught himself by the palms of now clammy hands against the grass below.
The boy's stomach flipped and flopped, a gross and uncomfortable feeling turning over and over within him. He wanted to retch. His mouth watered as if he was about to.
Frustration took hold, and tears stung his eyes.
“... Goddammit…” the boy cursed, a sob leaving him before he swallowed to try and quell that nauseating feeling. It was futile. The sensation of feeling weak and nauseous remained.
Slowly, his vision cleared. The boy looked down at the wilted bouquet, desperately looking for something. Anything.
Brown. It was still brown.
“Shit!” the boy cried. He pounded a fist against the grass, tears flowing freely from his eyes. Succumbing to this weakness, he keeled over and curled up on the grass, bringing his hands to his eyes. Pitifully, he sobbed into his palms, breath stuttering as he breathed, “I-I hate being so goddamn weak…”
Hearing himself served to make the feeling worse. Hearing it…hearing himself solidified how absolutely pathetic he sounded. It made him feel unfit for serving at the Prince’s side. Made him unfit to even share the same blood as him as his cousin.
“Why do I have to be related to the Prince..?” The boy just allowed his frustrations to aerate. “How can I even compare to Noctis? He's destined to wield the magic of Kings. What does he even need me for!?”
For long, long minutes, the boy laid there. He wallowed in his pain -- both physical and mental. Tears dried on his face, their streaks feeling somewhat taut against his skin. When the nausea finally became tolerable, the boy pushed himself up into a sitting position. He was in a fugue as he collected himself.
The boy hardly registered the disturbance of the grass nearby until the sight of a skirt from a green dress came into view. Looking up, the boy saw another one of the girls who also lived on the royal grounds. She was someone from another one of the noble houses.
Green dress aside, the girl looked as if she had come back from an event. Her black, wavy bob hair had been pulled back with a hairband, and she had presentable jewelry around her neck and at her ears. The only thing that was out of place was how she was largely barefoot in the grass, her white hose bearing some fresh grass stains.
“... Lyra?” the boy managed, lifting a hand and rubbing his eyes. He tried not to sniffle, but it was hard to hide such an obvious sound.
“You okay, Ros? I heard something going on out here and decided to come out,” Lyra replied. There was concern in her expression. “You look awful.”
“Yeah, thanks… Tell me something I don't know,” Ros said, an irritated sigh soon leaving him. He then shook his head. “I'm…sorry, Ly. I'm not okay. But…I don't want to talk about it. Not now.”
‘Not when I've been bitching about it all for the last hour or so to my dead Mom's gravestone…’ Ros thought bitterly to himself.
“You know that as Ears, I'll get the information eventually, right?” Lyra said, her voice carrying a tease to it. It was clear she was attempting to lighten the mood in some capacity.
If only it worked.
Ros only managed a slight glare up at Lyra at that. As far as he knew, she already heard all of his complaining and self-deprecating remarks before she made her presence known. The Ears were known for their spying and reconnaissance efforts, after all. Hell, she could have been present for the entire duration of his visit.
Just another example of a new generation of the royal Houses excelling at their specialties.
Lyra, however, ignored the expression shot at her and smoothed her dress before sitting next to Ros. She looked at the marble tombstone, her expression falling only slightly. She looked more pensive than anything. She then reached forward and grabbed the browned bouquet in front of her.
“... I was going to take that with me to throw out,” Ros slowly said, bringing his knees up and resting his chin upon them. He still bore a look of frustration, his brow knitted and jaw set.
“... I've never seen flowers wilt like this…” Lyra commented.
Ros looked over, confused. How exactly were flowers supposed to wilt?
Holding the bouquet up, Lyra pointed out the petals. There was an interesting pattern of small white spots amidst the brown. These small spots were silky patches of reinvigorated plant life. Seeing that made Ros stare at it in dumbfounded wonder.
Though the spots were small, the fact that they existed at all made him look at the discovery, mouth agape.
“I wonder what made them wilt like this,” Lyra went on to say as she pulled the petal gently to get a better look. Her expression said more than enough to the fact that she was genuinely confused.
For a moment, a welling of pride rose within Ros’ chest. He was about to mention how his magic could perhaps be pushed into bringing back life into what was once dead. However, he stopped himself. Perhaps it would simply be better to keep that to himself. There was no telling what the others would think or say. Besides…it was not as if he was anywhere close to being able to actually provide the same, legendary power as something so much as a down feather of a fabled phoenix.
“... No idea,” Ros finally replied. “I don’t think I ever really took the time to notice.”
#ffxv#ffxv writing#my writing#ffxv oc#oc: ros viridis#oc: lyra vox#ffxv: reimagined#canon rewrite#cw: grief#cw: minor emetophobia#cw: family death
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Apparently I have hurt somebody's feelings by not hating the Christian religion with a burning passion and believing that the problem lies in hateful people who will say anything to justify their even more hateful action. Apparently people still think making assumptions about people based on a single post is somehow a great idea, so allow me to make some things clear. I've had an influx of new followers lately anyways, so best I get this out of the way.
Trigger Warning. I get personal here. If you don't like what I have to say, best you unfollow me.
• I grew up in a (mostly) Christian family. I have religious trauma from my mum's mum telling me that being bisexual is a mental illness, that people who wish to be openly lgbtq+ should have mandated therapy and that lgbtq+ people shouldn't have the right to marry. Don't even get me started on the nasty things my mum's dad has said about lgbtq+ people. Dealing with this as a teenager alongside untreated depression, social anxiety and adhd was traumatic, to say the least.
• That being said, I do not identify as a Christian. I do choose to study the Bible and accept Christian elements of folk practices from my region, simply because I don't see a reason to totally separate it. If it worked for the older folks then might as well go with it, but other people don't have to keep the Christian elements. There is no problem with incorporating your own religious views into folk practices.
• Studying the Bible has also left more room for perspective for me, as well as comparing what some Christians say is in the Bible vs what is actually in the Bible. I don't view myself as an authority on such topics nor do I believe I have the "only right translation". If I notice that there is absolutely nothing relating to what a person claims is in the text, then I point that out.
• I do not hate Christianity. I hate people who use Christianity or any religion to justify their hateful actions. Why do I not hate Christianity itself? I have put in time and effort into healing my religious trauma; because I know that just sitting with it and not resolving it does not do anything good.
• I believe there are Christians who set a better example of the religion than these hateful people. I believe that it is these people who are openly speaking out against hateful Christians who deserve a platform to speak on the religion. I do not believe it is impossible for Christians to deconstruct what was beaten into them and figure out how to be better people (and better Christians overall).
• How do I know there are Christians who set a better example? My grandparents on the other side of the family are the ones who showed me this. Both had gay uncles, and now my grandparents have multiple lgbtq+ grandchildren (including myself). They have shown us lgbtq+ kids nothing but love, support and acceptance. They have worked to go out of their way to deconstruct what the generation before them would have wanted them to believe on many topics. I have never met people their ages that have gone so far out of their way to understand people my age. Like anybody else, there is room for improvement still. At least they are trying. There are also the Christians and Christopagans outside of the family I have met who have also shown nothing that makes me think they are hateful Christians. If you haven't gotten to experience something like this... I'm sorry for ya. I hope you can one day.
• No religion, Christian or otherwise, it safe from shitty people. Modern people like to use their religious beliefs to justify hate and people from centuries before us liked to conquer and colonize. Christianity wasn't the first; it's just the one that does it the most in recent centuries.
With all of that being said, if this somehow bothers you... I'm not sorry. We all end up having our own experiences that shape our perspectives, and we all choose how to decide what we do and don't hate. I choose to take my experiences, seek to see if there is something beyond that and go from there.
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Oh wow this chapter was soo good! I ate up every single second of it and i just know the next chapter's going to be amazing! I can't wait for the reader to finally tell Choso the truth(most of it) and I want to see his reaction sosos badlyy.
As for Choso:( omg i felt so bad for him. He should not have gone through that and his siblings shouldn't have either. Im not gonna lie, it lowkey makes me feel some hate towards Sukuna because how bad of a person do you have to be to put your younger siblings through that. I would say "maybe his parent's death made him the way he is" but absolutely not. I don't think there's anything that can excuse abuse.
I really hope Choso does find the love he deserves, even if it is from us or from somebody else. Speaking of that, when the reader said she wasn't good for him oh god my heart shattered. I really thought it was the end of them but I mean there's still the next chapter so it's not fully confirmed whether they are staying together or not.
Knowing Choso, he's probably not going to leave the reader's side and he won't let her leave his. Which kind of leads to me having mixed feelings about his love for her. He's so persistent about them staying together despite the reader constantly telling him that she's no good for him. Yes, as of right now it's cute and it shows us he won't give up on her despite what she tells him but over time, that persistence could lead to romantic harassment.
Like imagine reader and Choso are in a relationship and she wants to break up over something, I feel like Cho would ignore her wishes and constantly beg her to stay and that she 's not leaving him. Especially since he's possessive it gives me more of an uneasy feeling that he's never going to want to let her go even if she wants to leave.
Trust me, Im a choso girly myself (a lil bit of a gojo girly too) but this little persistent act of his can't help but have me wondering if this will be a problem. Despite that, that still doesn't make him a horrible person so don't get any ideas gojo girlies. Gojo is still far worse than Choso and just because he's starting to reveal ONE red flag, it doesn't outweigh the many gojo has. So don't go comparing them.
Also, about what the reader said to Choso about not being good for him, it really does show that the reader is to choso as gojo is to the reader. Gojo tells the reader the same thing in terms of not being good for her and that it's better that she finds someone that loves her the way she deserves. This really reminded me of the car moment her and Choso had especially since she tells Choso the same things Gojo had once told her. "I'm no good for you", "There's someone better for you", "I can't offer you the love you deserve", etc.
All this can't help but make me wonder if she's going to be the one breaking off what she has with Choso, not Choso himself. We've all been worried that he's going to leave us when he finds out the truth but we've never had the thought that the reader's going to be the one doing it instead(if he even lets her). Then, if she is able to leave him, is she going to return to Gojo? Is this going to be some sort of sick love story where they claim they can fix eachother and be the only ones made for eachother?
I have no idea what to feel but my theory as of right now is she's going to decide Gojo is the one for her and she'll make herself believe that they are "meant to be". Can't wait for the next chapter!! As always, keep up the good work and love you lots:] MWAH!
-🥺(i'm on computer so i don't have the teary eyed emoji but this will work for now -.-)
YAPPERTHON LETS GOO
1. His reaction is highly anticipated I see😹
2. Nothing excuses abuse of course yet I’d also like to say again how Sukuna did have an abusive mother so perhaps that has something to do with it? ^.^ (doesn’t excuse him ofc, Choso was abused & he’s just a ball of sunshine for the most part)
3. I love having everyone worried on wether or not the reader & Choso will stay together😹
4. & that’s very true but I think because of what the reader has experienced with love herself (in regards to Gojo at least), I think with someone so possessive, if the reader does choose Choso & they do get together, perhaps it’ll actually be good seeing as Choso is so much different than Gojo & he’d probably try to reassure her everyday that she’s enough for him.
Simultaneously, I feel the reader would do the same for him because she now knows all he’s been through and knows how much reassurance means to someone like that. Basically, they may be more compatible than you think 😙
5. Okay this is a great point but Choso says many times that he’ll only be this persistent until she tells him not to. In the midst of a breakup, I feel Choso would be hurt of course but he’d still put the reader over himself and allow her to leave.
Also, remember that Choso left her before despite his possessiveness so, trust me, I don’t think that’ll be a problem in terms of a breakup :)
6. & yes, she may not see it but she is more like Gojo than she realizes (I think Shoko pointed this out earlier on btw, I just love my foreshadowing lol, & Suguru pointed it out as well)
Even so, I think it’s sad that she finds herself feeling such a way toward the very person Gojo says she deserves, yet there she is feeling like she doesn’t deserve him :( GAH I WANNA HUG THE READER ><
7. She could try and run back to Gojo all she wants but at the end of the day, that damn albino does nothing but confuse her and tell her she cant be with him so in the end, she’d always result in being hurt & confused 🤷♀️
ANYWHO, THANKS FOR THE YAPPING, I LOVED IT LIKE ALWAYS <3
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I apologize in advance for this post. I understand that many people are not so important or interested in such thoughts. moreover, seeing them in your feed is tedious. read only if you want to find a response in someone else's problems. I don't think I can be the only one with such thoughts in my head.
conversations with friends about drawing now really look like who is worse off. I hate myself for bringing it up again, I just had to keep silent. supporting or helping someone is one thing, but talking about yourself is another. I either don't know how to do it, or people don't hear me. and I'm more inclined to the first. I see this as a reproach because I don't dispute that another person can also be fucked up, but everything again slides into comparison and who is worse off. I don't want this because then they ask me why I delete the drawings and why I don't say when I feel bad. it's pointless. I generally try to remove this habit of comparison with someone. she is a disease for me, it all slipped into envy and I hate myself again for this feeling. so when I say to a person, don't compare yourself to someone you are above it. because you're better at this, this and this, everything goes through a wall and I see myself in their face. and it gets painful. I don't want anyone to feel the same.
I shouldn't say all this, but I initially started this blog more like a self-therapy diary. I have no one else to speak out, considering that I simply have no right to tell the rest. I want at least some way out. otherwise, give everything back to self-flagellation or hallucinations.
I'm sad for artists who don't enjoy the process, who do it through pain, to whom the audience imposes its opinion. I had it too. you don't have to be verbose to understand how really hard it is. I just can't draw. it looks like the final stage of the disease. <it's easier to cut off your hands than not to draw>, I have such an aversion to my own creativity spinning in my head and at the same time. <which is easier to just really cease to exist>. that's what's in my head. and this process... I don't know. I'm not crying anymore just because I weaned myself, but before that I started the day with wishing myself to die as soon as possible and ended it as well. my studies and work were connected with drawing, it all hit me very hard, because for me this is also the only skill in life that I have been honing since childhood. and there is no problem, I have found an alternative, but the people who draw will understand me it is simply impossible. it's not easy to get back on track.
I'm not deleting anything from here because, again, I made a promise, no matter how terrible it seemed to me, not to try to hide it and just get used to how it looks from the outside.
Once again, I'm sorry for the absence and for this post. I don't want to stagger anyone with it or make them feel sorry for me. just to be heard. at least once.
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I held his hand. We stood in silence. There was an ocean of thoughts trembling inside of us, but somehow, we couldn't suffice any words to describe it. I was so angry that I wanted to walk away with every fiber of my living, but the love I had in me kept me standing there. In his proximity. Silently. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to stop me or just tell me something. Stitch some words that made sense, and just tell me something. But he couldn't think, we couldn't think. I just held his warm hands in mine. He looked at me to just say, "Listen..." I looked up at those glassy eyes and replied ,"Hmm.." He had nothing to speak but so much to say. I understood. But the blood boiled in me with anger. Agony. I just wished he could've said something. He should've said something! Something to stop me! Did something! He shouldn't have let me go. He should've held my hand. He should've told me, "I am not letting go of you until you tell me that you love or until you smile. I will work with a small grin. I was just shy of my past, but I never wanted to hurt you. I love you, darling. More than I ever cared for loving someone. You are my 'The one!'. Seeing you sad, especially because of me, makes my heart bleed. I am sorry, baby. Please smile? My world would collapse without it. " Instead, he just let me drive away from me... he watched as I walked away. He says, "You should've understood how I felt, what I thought, how I wanted things to be or how I felt." I am sorry if I am unable to give back what I never received. He just stood there. Every man in my life just stood there while I walked away. Their ego was too much compared to their love. Every time, I broke their heart because I wanted to protect mine. As I always knew, nobody would protect me before they've protected themselves.
So I drove, away and faster. I was immobile and hurt as the night grew. I wanted to forget, but with the repetition of these events, it has become impossible to tell myself that it is a one-time thing. So I just sat in quiet, trying not to think, because I knew if I would think about him, my love would overpower the little self-respect that I have left in me, and I would give in. Only women are capable of such feelings, you know. Being the only person to care, love, cherish, and do to nothing but just take care of you, still feeling that they need to be blamed for something. Something as basic as respect.
We are not reading too much into it. You men are just too scared to know that you are weak and you want to pretend that by not doing anything about it and just ignoring it, you will prove to the world that you are all fixed up. Sorry to burst your bubble, everybody can see that you are miserable and they are just massaging your man ego because they think you are too fragile to take it. Pity.
Fragile men.
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(CW: rant, depression, family, thought spiral)
Is it okay to ask for help with mental health, no matter how insignificant it could be? Even if maybe other people have it worse?
I want to get an appointment with a psychologist. I saved enough money for it to pay on my own. But the back of my mind is like 'why can't I just resolve it myself/why can't you just resolve it yourself' on repeat
It's largely because the one time I tried opening up to someone irl about wanting to meet a psychologist and that I have depression all my mother's responses are like "why are you like this", "what was wrong? you had everything", "you should just not feel/think like that", "talk to us (refering to my father and mother), you never say anything", "you should be able to resolve that, nobody and no grown up people have problems like those, they carry on", and etcetera similar along those lines.
For the few days after that she searched the internet and told me about ways to cope from her own understanding and what she found. To be honest I couldn't really stand and register the things she said, but if I try to remember back it was mainly toxic positivity.
Before that I really wanted to get an appointment with a psychologist. But after that I slowly ended up becoming numb and more hesitant about it. Thinking "technically, my problems aren't as bad as other people, nothing bad really happened to me, I should be able to resolve this on my own."
Nothing gets resolved. Hypothetically I can do it, but I couldn't.
I don't know where I'm going with this. Just–
Is it okay to ask for help with mental health, no matter how insignificant it could be? Even if maybe other people have it worse?
I'm worried my problems are like, not bad enough to warrant going to a psychologist when I get there. Not good enough for me to tell it to anybody. I don't know. I'm worried that it's pathetic and disgusting for me to be like this. (It is, isn't it? I had things, then why am I like this?)
(But if I see other people in my shoes my respond would be that it's not, that your feelings are valid and that's it's okay and normal to feel like that! Then why?)
(Just in case if I sound like I'm mad at my mother in the paragraphs before this, I'm not. Technically, she tried her best to understand and help me based on her limited knowledge and her own experience in life. I can't expect her to know all the appropriate and best ways to respond in that kind of situation. And tbh I regret telling her anything... It didn't help any of us, and it certainly only made her feel worse.)
· —
I'm really sorry for weighing you with this and how all over the place this is.
If you feel pressured or rushed to answer, you don't have to. Rather, you don't have to do anything.
Being able to write this out is a lot to me and it already somewhat helps me make clear of how I feel. It's enough. Sooner or later I'll figure something out.
Thank you for the open chance on ask and for being someone I feel enough comfort and safety to talk to, even though it's only in anon. I wish you all the best, luck, opportunity, and love, 💙!
Did you know that even those who don't have mental disorders ask for help from psychology career practitioners? Consultation about their education and course, what job path fits them best, those may seem like small things but they are great concern for some
It feels like my answer is biased since I'm a psych graduate myself but I definitely advocate to getting help, or at least getting checked. All of us have our own issues to deal with and we should best concern about our own troubles, life isn't a competition, you shouldn't compare your life to others. Think of it this way, if you think your problems are small in comparison to others, what if those you think you have more serious problems would also compare themselves and think there's are useless problems too?
Mental health is equally important for everyone, no matter what you think about your problems, everyone also deserves to get help and get treated. Even just confirmation and knowing can help you greatly, you know? When you find out what really troubles you, chances are you'll start to understand yourself even better.
Instead of beating yourself up, knowing the root cause of your problems may help you see yourself in a better light. It's not just being helped that is good for your mental health, but also understanding things about your mental health that also eases your mind.
Be kind to yourself, because you can also be a 'someone else who has it worse' to someone, and it would do no one better if you treat yourself this way.
It is okay to get help for something despite how insignificant it may be - because something like your mental health will never be insignificant to you, right? And if other people have it worse, not helping yourself won't help you or them. If other people have it worse, would you wait for yours to get worse before you get help? What if other people had it worse because they also thought their problems were insignificant, that they neglected their mental health until they reached that point of 'worse'?
I can assure you that I've been in a similar situation, but venting and being honest about how you feel are signs of you moving in the right direction. Not everyone would understand especially if they've never had a similar problem after all, but there will be a time that you will find the right person or the right environment, right atmosphere.
Ultimately, it is up to us to get help. A person can have all the opportunities to get help, but if they refuse to take it, then nothing will happen. If you were offered food and you refuse it, you will remain hungry. I don't want you to learn helplessness when you deserve to be at peace with life.
I'm glad you took your time to share and trust me with your concerns, anon, but I do apologize that it took a while - my whole weekend is taken up by my reviews (from 8-5) so I can't reply then, and I was also busy yesterday with an impromptu matter. I know my words can only mean so much until you come to your own conclusion, but I hope whatever you decide on, you will end up finding a chance to get your own happiness
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[2] I Don't Want the Attention (Tim Riggins x OFC)
MASTERLIST | DWHI MASTERLIST
Warnings: none
Words: 1.7k
I walked into the gym, sitting in the bleachers next to Julie Taylor and Tyra Collette. Tyra was lounging across two bleachers and Julie leaned forward to stare at the girls who wanted to be a part of the powderpuff team. The cheerleaders and rally girls were gathered in the middle of the gym talking about several things at once. I wasn't near them and I was getting a headache. I had to ask myself why I was even there in the first place. Oh, right. There was nothing else for me to do.
"I can't believe we have to do this," Tyra groaned. "It's a useless game anyway."
"I hate to say it, but skipping school does have its consequences." I leaned back against the bleacher bench behind me, matching Tyra's pose. "It sucks y'all have to join powderpuff though."
Julie sighed. "My mom is so annoying."
My eyes drifted over to the gym doors when they clicked open. Matt Saracen and Tim Riggins walked in with their eyes scanning over everyone there. Julie muttered over Matt and gave him the fiercest glare I'd seen on her sweet face. Tim met my gaze and smirked as he walked by. Tyra raised an eyebrow at me and I shook my head. She'd have to wait for me to explain some other time.
"What are you doin' here anyway, Cat?" Tyra asked.
"There's nothin' else going on, so I figured I'd come by and watch. I thought I would cheer you two on because I like y'all."
Our conversation was cut short when the powderpuff coach stood in front of the ladies eager to play and announced the team coaches. It was no surprise that Matt and Tim were the coaches. They stood up from their seats and stood next to the coach. The girls had shy smiles and eyed both men hungrily. I rolled my eyes.
"Pick your teams, boys. Matt, you first," the coach said.
Matt looked back at the three of us. "Tyra."
Julie was on the verge of killing Matt, shooting daggers from her eyes as Tyra joined him. Matt had a death wish. I felt bad for Julie, but I did hide a smile behind my hand.
"Barton."
My eyes shot over to Tim. He stared at me expectantly while the girls behind him started whispering to each other. I didn't miss his lips turn up.
I shook my head. "I'm not here to play, Riggins."
"Too bad you're on my team. I'm sure you don't have anything better to do."
Julie looked at me curiously. Her and Tyra knew nothing about me helping Tim out a few weeks before. It wasn't because I didn't want them to know. I just didn't have the time to tell them.
I frowned at Julie but stood up. The whispering was bad, but the silence was even worse. Tim wasn't bothered by it.
"I shouldn't even be here," I whispered when I stood next to him.
Matt called out his next player – which still wasn't Julie – and Tim chuckled. "No, you shouldn't be." He called out the next name. "Too bad I don't care."
*****
Training sucked. I didn't mind running or being active because I did that normally. Being yelled at by a Riggins made training unbearable. The first few times he ordered us around, I was a little intimidated. Once he started having fun with it, I wanted to leave him without a player.
During one of our many endurance runs, I was easily passing my teammates. Some were really struggling comparatively. I smiled at Lyla Garrity when I passed her and she smiled back. I expected her to keep her strength up well since we sometimes saw each other on our runs.
"This isn't a competition," Tim said as I went by him.
"You made me join this team, so let me run at my pace, Riggins." I could see him grinning from across our side of the football field.
"Get your ass over here, Barton."
Some of the girls hooted and hollered. I wanted to die.
I tilted my head back and let my shoulders fall, jogging over to Tim. "What?"
"Give me 20 push-ups."
"This isn't military training, Tim." I crossed my arms, leaning on one leg.
Tim loomed over me, his face getting a little close. "You're gonna do what I ask because I'm your coach right now. You wouldn't want me to talk about your house, right?"
"You're a jackass." I went to the ground and easily did the 20 he wanted, my glare on his face the whole time. As soon as I finished, I went back to running and purposely bumped into his shoulder as I did. "I'm going to put you through Hell."
"Not if I beat you to it, hun."
I flipped him off as I ran away, ignoring his threat for another set of push-ups.
Lyla caught up to me while I fumed over the youngest Riggins. "Are you and Tim together."
"No. Definitely not." I shot another glare at him. "I don't fall so easily for that Riggins charm. No offense."
She looked at her feet for a second. "Why'd he pick you for the team if you didn't sign up?"
"I don't know. He wants to make my life harder, I guess."
"Be careful, okay?"
I smiled at her. "I know his reputation, but I appreciate the warning. I really do."
We all get called over to start practicing some plays and I hang toward the back of the group. The attention from Tim was more than I wanted and the curious eyes of the team weren't making it better. Thankfully, he settled down once we got into the meat of training. I was thankful for it. But it didn't stop Tyra and Julie from asking questions as we walked to Tyra's truck.
"What's the deal with you and Tim?" Tyra asked. "I haven't seen him give a girl that much attention since Lyla Garrity."
I collapsed on the ground and started kicking my feet all while cursing Tim Riggins. My friends took a few steps back. They peered down at me when I stopped.
"Some of the football players trashed his truck a little while ago. I came along and scared them off. Tim walked me home because he insisted. He got a tour of my house because I was bored. I told him not to tell anyone because I don't want to get bullied for being the rich kid takin' on a charity case – which I don't see Riggins as one –, so now he's using it to pester the crap outta me. I want to kick his ass, but that'll cause more problems." My chest heaved.
"Tim saw the inside of your house?" Julie pouted. "I haven't even seen it."
"He just walked right in when I called Billy to pick him up. I didn't invite him inside."
"You left your door open." Tim's head appeared next to Tyra's.
I pointed at him. "I told you to stay outside."
Tyra rolled her eyes. "And you expected him to listen?"
"Why are you lyin' in the middle of the parking lot?" Tim didn't acknowledge Tyra's comment.
"Because you put way too much attention on me durin' practice and everyone suddenly things we're somethin'. We hardly know each other!"
"Doesn't stop most girls," Tyra muttered. Julie giggled.
I kicked my feet again. "It would me! You're puttin' a big fat spotlight on me, Riggins, and I'm this close to ending your football career by killin' you."
He held his hand out, offering to help me up with a growing smile. "You gonna take me out with a baseball bat?"
I was on my feet, bypassing his hand. I pushed him against the nearest vehicle and nearly poked his eye out when I pointed at him again. "A bat would only be the start. If you're not careful, you're gonna find that precious football of yours so far up your ass you'll be tasting pigskin." I pushed him once and walked away.
"See ya at practice tomorrow, Barton."
"Go suck on a jock strap, Riggins."
*****
The following practices were no easier on me when it came to attention. Tim was adamant to have the whole team question our relationship. I was so sick of it I quit speaking to him, only nodded at his orders. His cheeky smile was gone once he realized I was done reacting to him. He eased up a little by the time of our game.
I was chosen to run the ball, so I got it a lot during the game. Sadly, Lyla was the only good player, so we were struggling to keep ahead of Matt's team. As soon as I saw Julie say something to him and a grin showed up on his face, I knew the game was over. Julie had the advantage of Coach Taylor as her dad. It was no surprise when she scored the winning touchdown.
Getting out of there was a priority as soon as we were okayed to leave. I gave Lyla a short wave and booked it to the locker rooms where I left the jersey I borrowed for the game. I walked out just as everyone walked in.
I didn't catch a ride with Tyra or Julie's family. I wanted to walk to get my irritation out and I'd get farther on my own two feet than waiting for a ride. I needed to get away.
When I walked in front of the Riggins' home, Billy greeted me from the front yard and asked about the game.
"We lost, so your brother will be a brat when he gets home."
"Seems like he's been one all week. What'd he do?"
I started counting on my fingers. "He made me join the team, he singled me out during practices, he has all the girls asking about us, and he doesn't give a rat's ass about it."
Billy chuckled. "I hate to break it to ya, Cat, but I think my little brother has a crush."
"No. No. He can't. Absolutely not. I won't let him."
"Can't stop it if it's already there."
"Why did I even say hello to you?" I wave my arms in the air in defeat before continuing home.
"Later, Cat!"
I didn't reply.
I crested the hill just behind their house when I heard Tim's truck pull into the drive. My legs pushed me into a sprint that I kept up until I was safely locked inside my house.
#fnl#fridaynightlights#friendship#highschool#love#ofc#originalcharacter#originalfemalecharacter#romance#timriggins#timrigginsxoc#tvshow#fnl fanfiction#Friday night lights fanfiction#Tim riggins fanfiction
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One of those days where I'm feeling chatty for no reason.
I don't have anything new to say about this, but on the other hand, I don't suppose this sort of thing can be talked about too often.
Recently a coworker started wearing foundation after not wearing it for a while, because people said her face "looked really red." Well, it did - because her natural complexion is ruddy, and we had never seen it before because she always wore foundation. But the truth is her natural complexion is adorable. If she chooses to wear foundation because she likes it, I'd support her choice. But the vibe is very much that she became anxious due to coworkers bringing attention to her red cheeks. Those coworkers honestly didn't mean anything by it - they were just noticing something had changed. But it's a shame that it led to her feeling like she needs to hide her face.
And there's so much pressure for people to look perfect these days. I suppose there always has been, but anyway, what I decided to rant about now in sum is just this: expecting perfect all the time is stupid and lazy and we should be constantly, constantly calling it out as such.
Make-up is art, but it isn't treated as if that's what is. The vast majority of the time it's an expectation, especially of women, but increasingly of men as well. Once the choice to do something disappears, the art of it disappears as well.
I don't wear make-up because I dislike how it feels on my skin, and it's expensive and time-consuming. Also I love flipping to the mental finger to employers who think people shouldn't expect to be treated well unless they look a certain way or at least participate in the performance of it.
I love variety in books, food, and travel. I love variety in faces as well. Read an interview once with some woman who's name I've forgotten who talked about when she stopped dyeing her hair. Showing her gray hair gave her freedom she never felt before, she said. Giving up the constant anxiety over her appearance let her do things as she wanted. Just imagine - going out whenever I want, not having to stop and think first "do I have time to do my hair and make up and shave and put together an outfit?" I really envy that. I don't wear make-up, but I still dye my hair and shave, and I have turned down things I really wanted to do because my body wasn't "ready."
(Shaving is my personal demon because my skin just doesn't like any lotion or razor I use on it. So if I want to go to the beach, I gotta really plan my shaving schedule. More than once I have thought to myself, "Adulthood is just being itchy all the time," lol)
I saw a picture today of a middle-aged woman with a long face and long hair. She looked fun and bohemian. In the next photo she had a short bob. The shorter cut suited the shape of her head a bit better, but either way, she still looked fun and bohemian.
Saw a picture of a high school friend who's since gone full-on dad bod. Guess what, comparing him to himself at 16 is fucking stupid. We're all programmed to compare ourselves and everyone else. Not doing it is something we have to put effort in to learn.
This is the truth: If you don't bother comparing people, voila, you stop caring. And start appreciating. I don't need to tell you what people say about women with long faces or men with dad bods etc etc and so forth - everyone already knows. It's all stupid. We should be making just as much noise about how stupid it is as some people make about other people not looking beautiful enough for them.
There's nothing wrong with make-up, there's nothing wrong with pretty, or hot, or whatever - but there is when you start creating benchmarks and keeping points and acting like people who look like people are in fact aliens. I wish every time someone makes a dumbass comment about someone else's looks, their friends would put on fake antennae and chant "TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER." Because only an alien would look at normal humans and be disgusted that we don't all look like instagram stars.
It's like how you go to the store and all the fruit look identical to each other, when in reality, so-called "misshapen" fruit is thrown out despite being perfectly edible and not at all misshapen - we've just decided a strawberry should look like this and a banana should look like that. Humanity needs to wake up to the fact that we can't control nature and all attempts to do so are only hurting us.
The only way to do that is for the people who are hurt by it to de-program. It's so hard right now with social media and perfect girls absolutely everywhere, with gobs and gobs of make-up and false eyelashes and fake nails and contoured cheeks - because, again, none of that is bad by itself. If people want to use their face and body as a canvas that should be completely up to them. But more often than not it results in punishment for everyone who can't or chooses not to look like that.
In this way make-up transforms from body art to performance art - a performance none of even knew we were auditioning for simply by being born. And art that creates discrimination and self-loathing is the opposite of what art should be.
Saying all people are beautiful isn't radical or a lie. It means you've successfully deprogrammed and wised up to how much of what we consider "pretty" - or even "sexy" - is taught to us and not innate at all. Even things that do seem to be - for example, the preference we have for symmetry in faces - are far from insurmountable. You might not like a song the first time you hear it, but after you hear it a few more times you suddenly realize you like it after all. Just because attraction isn't instantaneous doesn't mean it's inferior.
There are endless genres of music and painting styles and ways to tell a story. It should be the same with people. Deciding off the bat that because someone doesn't fit preconceived notions of "good-looking" they must therefore be "bad-looking" is sheer laziness and nothing more.
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I.am.tired.
"can we all agree that billy is a villain and" or "can we all let him be a villain"
No. We cannot ALL AGREE. Why WHY are people so obsessed with their viewpoint being the one and only true one of a planet over 7 bilion people?
You want to see Billy as villain? Go ahead, the fuck do I care. But why have the arrogance of wanting everyone to agree with this? It is SO annoying I don't know how to deal with this anymore...
Sorry for coming to you with this but you and several other blogs I follow are my heroes for having the energy and courage to call certain people out on their bullshit with class and facts while I can't and instead hide behind anonymity... Thank you. <3
hi anon im sorry im just now seeing this message!! but yes i agree and thank you for the kind words. i welcome you and anyone else to come to me with anything if you wanna chat or if you just want to rant its totally fine!! my response under the cut bc i went on a bit of a rant myself lol
I agree that it is extremely annoying and exhausting (which is why i dont really get involved, instead i just say things in the tags and reblog things others have said) because honestly i dont have the time or energy to constantly fight a losing battle against strangers on the internet who dont know me or my life. Honestly you shouldn't give me much credit because i dont fight nearly as much as others in this fandom do, i sort of just mind my business most of the time lol. I commend the ones who do actively engage with antis and try to have discussions with them! If i were better with words and had more time id be right there with them. Honestly, the reason its so bad right now is because st is so popular in the mainstream rn. Once the hype dies down, itll get better, and once the show ends itll get wayyy better. (honestly thats why im glad my favorite shows are older/lesser known. Like, no one is getting this worked up about fringe lol)
When it comes to antis, unfortunately, people have always been obsessed with their viewpoint being the correct one. Since our species gained sentience the thing weve used it for the most is to fight with other humans over who is right and who is wrong. religion, politics, wars are fought in the name of one viewpoint being right and better than the others. Not to compare fandom drama to literal war and historical events, but you see my point. Its just the way people are. People can be kind and arrogant and nice and nasty. We all have the capacity and the right to get upset when our views are challenged, but what matters is how we respond. I literally used to be a billy anti, (i was 17 and still living with my abusers, had a really fucked up worldview) i wasnt rabid about it and didnt really talk about it but i agreed with people when they said he was racist and a bad person and didnt think twice about his character. (honestly forgot he existed until recently.) but eventually, i grew up, i got out, and i got help. I didnt even like billy until less than a year ago. im 23 now, and im a very different person than i was when i was 17. I went back into the st fandom spaces when st4 came out and somehow ended up in the billy corner, and i listened to what they had to say. And i realized that i was wrong, and changed my opinion. I started to see what i couldnt before. I even talked to my therapist about it (and even her, my 72 year old fan of stranger things therapist, agreed that billy is the most complex and interesting character) and using him and his story, I was finally, after almost 6 years of being free from my abusers, was able to talk to her about what I went through and start processing my trauma. I realized how similar lives me and billy lived. I realized that i wished someone would have helped him the way my loved ones helped me. I wish all antis had the capacity to have calm back and forth discussions about the media that they claim to be fans of, but not everyone is capable of that. This is the internet. Most people here are incapable of that. All media is meant to be discussed and interpreted and debated. Its an art form meant to make you think, not something to base your moral compass and worldviews on. Despite that, Billy’s story is something that many real people go through, and insisting that someone who relates to his abuse and wants to explore it in a fandom space (art, fic, etc) is an evil person just because you personally don’t like his character is just straight up disgusting.
So for the ones who just want to ask questions and discuss things, thats fine. Most of us are happy to talk. For the ones who just want to troll, invade our space, say inflammatory things and hurt people just because we have differing opinions on a fictional character? The best thing to do is just block them and move on. Because they dont want their minds changed, they just want to cause drama for the sake of drama because their own lives are so sad and empty that they need a strangers vitriol to fill the attention void. They're just schoolyard bullies, desperate for a reacton. And i deal with them the same way i dealt with bullies in my school days: id stare blankly at them until they got bored or uncomfortable and left me alone. Because all they're looking for is a reaction, and i refused to give them one. I deal with anon hate the same way. Before i started posting about billy, i got anon hate maybe once or twice in the twelve years ive been here. Now, i get it at least once a week. And im not even a dedicated billy hargrove blog. I just post whatever catches my eye at that moment, so i cant even imagine what its like for the people in the fandom who are completely dedicated to billy. But my followers have never and will never see the anon hate i get, and the senders will never see my response to it. Because you know what i do with anon hate? I delete it. I delete it and forget it ever existed. Eventually, when they see that im not responding, they give up and stop. Its slowed down considerably, so i guess theyre getting tired lol. Non-reaction is a totally valid way of handling harassment, and the most successful one, in my experience. I dont need to fight to prove to strangers behind a screen that im not a racist or an abuser or evil just because they say that i am for liking a fictional character. I know im not racist, and i know im not an abuser, and i know im not evil. Im a regular person who does their best to be kind and respectful to everyone and be better every day. Im a regular person who goes to work, hangs out with friends, takes care of family, looks at silly little memes on the internet, minds my business, and lives my life.
Dont ever feel bad for not engaging in discourse. Whether its because its taxing to your mental health or you dont have the energy or because you just dont want to, youre not obligated to do anything. You arent losing points by sitting back on the sidelines and letting others fight. Its social media, not a life or death warzone. If all you wanna do is reblog some posts and chill then more power to you. Thats what i do for the most part. I very rarely ever get involved in anything, cuz im content to sit over here in my corner and reblog things, and not let things people say on the internet affect me in real life because none of it matters. Just because antis forget that life outside of internet fandom exists doesnt mean we have to as well.
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