#i know i shouldn't be trying to make sense of this but what the fuck lmfao
Note
on the current raeda conversation:
I think what people (esp new fans who didn't watch the show as it aired, and didn't have time between releases to really think about characters and let stuff sink in, in that sense) don't understand is this:
raeda provides a more nuanced representation of queerness and what it means to love someone.
the whole point of raeda, imo, is that love shouldn't, doesn't, look a certain way. love doesn't fit into a mold. it isn't easy. sometimes it's tragic. sometimes it hurts.
queerness doesn't look a certain way. the whole point is being who you are and who you are is different for everyone
raeda hits cause we see both of them at their worst. and as the show was airing we didn't know if they'd get a chance to show one another they'd changed. we all thought raine was gonna fucking die every time they were on screen. but i digress
i think people gloss over how well the adult characters are fleshed out in the owl house. honestly it's taken for granted. they have depth. and their queerness makes them all the more vital as representation cause they're not stereotyped and don't fit into a box.
again key word here is nuanced
and isn't the whole point of the owl house to celebrate individuality and how beautiful and unique we are? to not judge people based on generalizations? to not try and fit someone into a mold they have to fit inside forever?
if you try to put anything in the show in a box then you missed the point.
so like, the fact that raeda is so overlooked despite being the best representation of a ship that breaks conventions is weird
the fact that they're both ignored by disney is even weirder. lumity is good rep, but i think raeda is equally if not more important because of the opportunity for kids adult queer role models that prove that life is a mess and the path you're on might not be linear, but eventually everything will get better.
sorry for putting a college dissertation in your ask box. i'll go back to lurking lol
I'm reading this whole college dissertation wdym
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What the Lost boys think about vampire related media
Fluff, x reader but just barely
•While making conversation with your four Vampire lovers you were suddenly plagued with a question.
“How do you guys feel about vampire related media?”
-That question was an immediate head turner. The cave goes dead quite before Dwayne speaks up, “Well…vampires are in hiding so…”
-This sparks a conversation about how media representation of vampires may not be accurate, but that's a good thing. “If a book or movie comes out and it is shockingly accurate to what being a vampire is really like, the creator isn't going to last long.” David explained
-That's because there's a set of rules vampires have to follow and one of those rules is to never publicly reveal your double life identity
-”If something like that comes out, that means a vampire has broken that rule OR somebody knows vampires very closely and is creating media they know shouldn't exist.”
-Turns out if a vampire breaks that rule it's basically open season to kill and destroy their creations.
•You turn the conversation and begin to ask how they, specifically, feel about certain vampire representation
•Bram Stoker's Dracula
-Dwayne is the first to buy in his opinion.
-Dwayne feels that while it is a cult classic and well written, The characters are exceedingly dumb.
-”Johnathan spends a ridiculous amount of time talking about other characters ‘Breasts’ and trying to figure out why his host climbs walls ‘like a lizard's.”
-David is the next one to speak up
-David thinks it's not really worth the read
-”Unless you're trying to brag to people there's no point in reading it.”
-”Also why was Mina talking to that old sailor so much?”
-Paul laughs as he remembers “how fucking crazy he wrote Dracula to be”
-”I'm pretty sure the real Dracula thinks it's a heinous crime against him”
-Paul hasn't read it but have heard enough about it to know even the more obscure references
-Marko comments on the graceful writing style and the beautiful descriptions
-”I've only read it because Dwayne thought I would like it"
-Marko also loves how oblivious Jonathan and most of the other characters are
-All of them think the movie adaptation is hilarious and love the shitty special effects
•Interview with a vampire
-Paul chimes in immediately
-”God it's so homo erotic it hurts…in a good way.”
-Paul thinks its a nice horror novel mixed with a weird cozy atmosphere
-Dwayne thinks it's another well written classic and He actually begins to rave about all the themes involved within Anne Rice’s work
-”It's a beautiful Gothic thriller with a deep, sadly comedic energy.”
-He even offers to read it too you sometime
-Marko chimes in quickly about “Claudia’s rebellious behavior and persona”
-”imagine watching your family choose somebody else over you. It's so deeply upsetting but to an understandable level.”
-”I would have hated to turn so young. I look like a teenager and other people can respect that to a certain point. But being five years old with the mind of an adult, No one would respect you.”
-Marko relates to Claudia on an internal level and loves unraveling her character. When you ask why he quickly responds "Some people call me a cherub... You think I enjoy that?"
-David says he doesn't have much to say other than it was a decent read (That's his version of a compliments)
•Twilight
-All of them agree that it's laughably horrendous
-Almost immediately at the same time they say “This is the skin of a killer Bella”
-This leads to banshee like laughter
David speaks up immediately
-”Why do you humans want us to sparkle so bad?”
-”I personally hate the idea of being a walking disco ball, but to each their own.”
-Marko chimes in quickly
-”Would you like it if we sparkled?” He asked while leans on you affectionately
-Marko thinks the only reason to read it is to have a nice laugh
-”Why did Edward have such a violent reaction of Bella standing by a fan? That makes no sense…like I have mates and I enjoy the smell of you guys but…I'm not nearly clawing off my face at your smell”
-”Yeah yeah, I get he's trying not to overreact but running out of class to get away is crazy.”
-Paul even adds that even thought it's very dumb even he can appreciate the message it's trying to said.
-”something something, coming over adversary, something something, love wins, something something..”
-”Also that Jacob imprinting on Bella's infant daughter is super fucking creepy.”
-when you asked Dwayne about his feels he scoffed and said It's insulting at best and borderline sexual harassment at worst.
-He refused to go into depth
•You thank them for humoring you and they tell you that it's no problem
-David kisses the side of your head in an uncharacteristically soft way “We don't ever mind answering your vampire related question.” He tells you
-Marko turns to you “But seriously do you want us to sparkle?”
-”I think I have some roll on body glitter somewhere..” Paul says while getting up to look for it
Thanks for reading <3
#the lost boys x reader#david the lost boys#dwayne the lost boys#paul the lost boys#marko the lost boys#reader#the lost boys#vampire#fluff#books#lovers
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i'm just now looking at the teen wolf movie because i did not watch it personally but are you telling me. they're trying to say derek hale, born in 1988, had a 15 year old son in 2026 (the year of his death)?
eli would've had to have been born in 2011, literally during or right before canon. and that means derek would have knocked someone up in new york and didn't know about it (because that would be the only damn reason he's never ONCE mentioned) and only found out later, and that's fine. i'm okay with it.
EXCEPT. A BIG PART OF ELI'S BACKSTORY IS THAT APPARENTLY WHEN HE WAS VERY YOUNG, DEREK SHIFTED INTO A WOLF TO SCARE COYOTES AWAY AND IT MADE HIM AFRAID TO ACKNOWLEDGE HE'S A WEREWOLF??
now. teen wolf starts in 2011 and scott and stiles are sophomores in season one, and we travel all the way past their senior year, which would be ROUGHLY 2014 during the timeline of the show. derek is there, on and off. he comes back at the end and we still never hear about a son. and derek only gained the ability to shift sometime after season four. so what exactly was this 'very young age'. what the fuck
#i know i shouldn't be trying to make sense of this but what the fuck lmfao#anti sterek#this is not for you freaks.#this is not for the people who think peter should've gotten custody of eli either. you have genuine brain worms.#eli hale#derek hale#scott mccall#i'm not even tagging the other one i do not want to invite that shit here
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eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P
additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly
#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it#and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website#as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people-#-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were-#-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered#also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it#this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone-#-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious#i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :(#i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles#it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on-#-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help.#unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that-#-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also-#-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes-#-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything''#and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think-#-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me''#and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point#be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying#and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child.#be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo#if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows-#-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like#trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you#social anxiety#anxiety disorder#i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11-#-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me#anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y
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The girls (the emotions in my brain) are fightinggg
#sweetmountainseeds#cupcakeycrisis#Wow I sure love it when I fucking hate myself and all the other feelings can do if make sure I don't hurt myself#Whatever. At least it means some sense is there#Bitch should be grateful it's kept her alive for so long. or not.#Do I hate myself? Do I know it's a small mistake and that I'm beating myself up about this because of my upbringing?#Do I know it's really not a big deal in the grand scale of things or even the small scale of things because this problem is fixable?#Or do I still fucking hate myself because I shouldn't have made the mistake in the first place I should've been better why try at all if you#'re just gonna fail maybe I'm just bad what if people grow annoyed with me this isn't even the first time (It's the second omg stfu) I'm lat#rant#vent
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Cannot BELIEVE I had to have a conversation with someone where, after I complained about people Not Wanting To Write About Women, I then had to explain that yes, I DO write about men sometimes, actually; no I don't hate men; yes I write from the POV of the men in numerous cases and also analyze them.
#I know this person's comments were not meant maliciously but like. still. wild.#no I am in fact not on some weird gender essentialist bullshit because I want to complain about how a bunch of people don't seem to#care about women in stories. 'well how many times do YOU write about men' YOU'D APPARENTLY BE SURPRISED ACTUALLY!!!!!#MORE OF THIS CURRENT PROJECT IS FROM THE MALE CHARACTER'S POV THAN THE FEMALE CHARACTER'S POV#(granted I couldn't like. TALK about said current project to this person because why tf would I do that to myself when the subject matter#is what it is and I need to retain some sense of self-preservation but like. still.)#(like I think I actually have a pretty even mix of things I write from a man's pov versus a woman's pov. it depends on what concept#I'm trying to write about and which character I think would best serve that end. why is this. a surprise to you.)#(I even thought about genderbending a m/m wip before deciding it really did work better as a m/m story based on what I was Trying To Say)#the reason that 'not all men' was so disparaged is not because we inherently hate men. it's because people were trying to take a#discussion about things that DISPROPORTIONATELY HAPPEN TO WOMEN and making it about not hurting the feelings of men who#are not involved in this. and I shouldn't even have to fucking explain this because SOMETIMES THINGS ARE JUST!! NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!
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I think the huge chunk in the middle of my wip notebook that is just manic notes, outlines, time lines, entire chapters complete with edits from the last (almost) year that I abandoned should idk... have the decency to tear themselves out and set themselves on fire
#nothing like sitting down last night like: you know what! I am gonna try again! fck it! I CAN write!#I know I can cause I checked! I can absolutely write it's fine I'm actually pretty good at this!#and opening the notebook and looking at the cery loose wip notes and going: ok! I can work with like 80% of this!#what else is in here?!!!#that was my mistake.... I should not have looked at what else was in there#pages and pages and pages of 3 different wips I tried to make work for one ship#a couple for another#a whole fleshed out 5+1 for a beloved ship wip that I just.... gave up on#notes from the last fic I shared nearly a year ago#that was the last time my writing flowed. I could read those notes and be like#oh this bitch is onto something. she's FEELING IT.#and then after that. poof. I tried and tried and tried and tried.#and then I got all in my head abt the one ship. and the source material. and I honest to god just.#kinda burned myself out on fic and fandom and blorbos in general tbh. like. that ship nearly killed my creativity.#for good.#but now I'm kinda like hmmmm you knkw what I'm not bad actually!!!#but then. open the notebook. and womp womp. maybe I am bad. maybe I've always been bad. maybe I SHOULDN'T try again.#closed the notebook and went to bed. idk if I wanna look at it tonight again#might just fuck off and try to make sense of the new true d ep that's apparently out tonight#(this season has been so mid so far mehhh)#erin explains it all
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Sometimes i wonder if gaining weight would ever be viable or if it would double fuck my mystery joints to have to carry more (i have in the past been directly ordered by nurses to gain a little weight and prescribed supplements to do so but 1) they are spensive and 2) dad starts waxing fatphobic about "my health" when my ribs are still clearly visible) and then i get caught up in a completely theoretical dysphoria paradox loop about going to the trouble of finally getting top surgery only to gain weight and distribute fat right back to the bust and whether i would actually ever feel ok with my body under any circumstances. Idk.
I think about things like surgery and hrt a lot more than i have since we originally came out bc i feel like if I'm trying to shape my adult life into something i actually want to live then thats a huge component and I've already put it off a decade, but at the same time i still feel so stupid and anxious trying to look into it bc i dont even have regular healthcare and the state of our nation is so sucks and although i feel like i really know who I'm becoming or at least trying to i do NOT feel like i have enough cred to convince dad that i am capable of permanent adult life decisions, especially with how he doesn't even like the thought of me getting my ears pierced. He's always going to feel some degree of posession over my body and like its ok to manipulate me or stalk me or whatever if he "knows better" and its in my "best interest" and right now its not a problem bc we're a household and he gets a lot of managerial power anyways so it doesn't come up much but i always worry in the back of my mind what would happen if i ever did Really move out again.
He wants me to "act my age" and hit normal benchmarks like getting a job and dating and shit but like when am i Ever going to have time to work or meet people socially when I'm a 24/7 live in assistant and where am i going to get the PRIVACY to get to know somebody like that, even IF i wanted to, which i SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. He suggested arranging like zoom playdates for me once so i wouldn't get under socialized. That is NOT going to make me "normal" dude.
#songs that the hyades shall sing#idk sorry idk why im venting rn i just feel anxious and i dont have anywhere else to talk abt this stuff#hes so liberal panic prone abt trans regret especially bc of how he judges certain trans ppl in his personal life#and like he 'respects' me but also I'll 'always be his kid' including his sense of control#and we fucking. begged for blockers or something before we even knew what they were. desperately asked if there was a way for it Not to be#like that and got dismissed and then learned we were trans and found out blockers were real and it Didnt have to be like that and begged#AGAIN and were violently dysphoric and got hit with the 'but what if it's a phase' and 'i don't want you to regret changing your body'#and worst of all the 'well if you're fine with changing your body what grounds do you have to reject medication that will change your brain'#and 'you could always make changes as an adult when you're REALLY sure' (said with the No You Wont tone)#so we shut up and waited and it's been TEN YEARS and we ARE an adult and we've ALWAYS been sure. and he keeps bringing up the#'you know they're finding 25 isn't even a developed brain yet?' like. i knew it was a lie in the first place but i wanted to hope#but having all this pseudoscience culture war crap to back up his moving goalposts is just. i KNOW i can't and shouldn't have to wait for#his approval of my identity. but he's in all my medical shit and he pays for my bus fare so how would i even Try to get help#without having to prove something to him he can ultimately just decide not to believe
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The universe saw fit to gift my grandmother with a lovely case of covid for Christmas because of course it fucking did, so the past few days have been, uh...
Busy.
#personal#she's not in the hospital- she did end up going to urgent care on the 25th but they sent her home.#she did not TELL US she was going to urgent care we found out via whatsapp from my aunt#who'd been trying to coordinate a family zoom call and was informed by my granddad 'later. we're#at the hospital now'.#why did they not call and ask us to drive given that we live TEN MINUTES AWAY and granddad shouldn't be driving at the best of times?#that i could not tell you. something about 'not wanting to inconvenience-' which is insane#dad and i have been going up to try and get everything we can done for them since then#nana's been granddad's caretaker since he got diagnosed but anyone who's had covid can tell you it takes fucking EVERYTHING out of you#to just fucking walk around. im off work till the 9th thank god so i can be there as often as required but even so...#I have a sense that i should probably be freaking the fuck out but mostly im just... calm? it's not a happy calm idk what emotion this is#but it definitely isn't positive- but im not panicking. i feel like new bad info does not surprise me anymore it's just kind of a grit-your-#teeth-and-adjust-to-handle-shit deal. like. 'mm. god shits in our collective dinner once again. figures.'#there's no point in flying off the handle just figuring out how to fix things. im not happy but im... steady i guess?#im resigned and bitter and optimistic until im given proof not to be but mostly what i am is tired. not physically just-#my brain feels like a wrung out dishcloth. i keep trying to write because i know it'll make me happy if i can but its not working.#i keep writing paragraphs of shit that aren't matching up with what i want and if somebody gives me some meaningless platitude about#how maybe it's a sign it should be there and to try and incorporate it ill rip their face off. shut. up.
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also the other way around tbh
#it's not the first time it's happened but man did it still ruined my fucking day#i told myself to brush it off and yet it's the middle of the night and i should be sleeping and instead i'm [redacted] about it#listen i don't need everyone to compliment my hair (in fact only one person has since i cut it) but outright saying that straight hair look#better on me like. to my face. and completely unprompted it's just. it's mean#i've always been very insecure about my curls which rationally doesn't make sense because i love curls just not mine#and i decided to do something different with my hair and well. that's the response i got#and it shouldn't matter!! what people think shouldn't matter and this is probably shallow as hell but fuck#it's done wonders for my insecurities I'll tell you that#anyway yeah i'm dealing with this by making a meme in true tumblr fashion#seriously if you've ever said anything like this or the other way around know that the person you said it to probably#didn't take it as a compliment#anyway (again) i'm gonna try to sleep i'm sorry about this goodnight#monse talks
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i'm sorry but what the fuck am i supposed to write for these???? i will get to them but im so confused,,, am i supposed to write their reactions to finding out this information??? this makes no sense to me tbh
#like for the first one maybe their reaction to their s/o being rlly strong makes sense#but wtf does the second one mean???#thats not like a personality trait#also its so subjective#and good taste for people???#im not trying to insult ppl who request this type of stuff#but as a writer i genuinely don't know what to say to this#if you have good taste in music good for you#why would your s/o be surprised or even react to that???#shouldn't they already know?#is that not one of the things that made them interested in you#idk man its just such a weird request#i feel like this was really aggressive and i'm sorry to the ppl who requested i will get back to you i promise#anyway#just imagine you're shopping w your friend and you pick a fucking t-shirt out they're not gonna react like#“omg thats so cute you have amazing style 😍”#i just can't imagine it at all#i'll try doing hcs of their fashion/music/people taste but idk abt their s/o's#also cuz it won't be pertinent to other ppl who read it#i might find fucking cowboy boots cute while 90% of my followers might gag at the thought#anyway rant over i swear#(💬) — kira stfu
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Little kisses: Armitage/Tozer
It's a mistake.
He knows that before he does it. He can tell, even before he steadies Tommy's trembling with a touch, worsens it, finds himself the same, that there's no coming back from this. There's no hope of return.
He does it anyway.
He meets Tommy halfway, his own interest feeling poor compared to all Tommy gives him, all that warmth and longing. A moan break with such sweet need it makes Solomon tremble, pulling back and realising too late that it's just as he knew it would be. He stumbles on his mistake, and falls.
And when he leans in again, Tommy is there to catch him.
Previous little kisses / Request a little kiss
#the terror amc#solomon tozer#thomas armitage#tommy armitage#armitozer#armitage x tozer#little kisses#my writing#does this even make sense idk#nothing is good right now but i still want to try and write *something*#so here we go#solomon absolutely knowing where kissing tommy will lead#and that he shouldn't really do it but fuck it what's the worst that can happen?#oh yeah falling in love#wanting someone so desperately it takes over your every breath#and your heart wouldn't beat for another moment without them#marines shouldn't go around falling in love with stewards#and yet solomon goes right ahead and lets himself do that anyway#tommy is kinda already in love with him too which helps#look they just deserve nice things in a world full of shit
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The pacing of the She-Hulk show is... bad.
The worldbuilding of the She-Hulk show is... bad.
The tone of the She-Hulk show is... uneven at best.
#Hearing that this show is supposed to be a comedy made a lot of choices make sense#And then I watched it and thought 'this isn't a comedy this is just generic one-liners'#(yes I know this is Marvel and I shouldn't be surprised)#Like why the fuck did they not throw themselves head first into making the show a comedy?#Jen can still be competent if the show is a full-blown comedy?#But the pacing... ugh the pacing#Everything happened too fast for emotional and narrative impact#but too slow for a half hour show#Also they did her origin in the dumbest way possible#And then hinged the episode on a familial relationship that the audience knows nothing about besides that it exists?#It's honestly impressive how Tatiana Maslany is still doing a good job acting and delivering lines given what she's got to work with#And I guess this isn't the show alone's fault but this is truly the most milquetoast version of the Hulk#Any conflict or interest within the character is gone#So why the fuck would I want to watch a full episode (and the first episode of the show at that!) that gives him so much screen time!#Also Mark Ruffalo I know you don't want to be here but can you at least try a little bit?#Maslany could act circles around him on a regular day but he is giving her NOTHING
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One thing about me is I don't understand why people say that you should never try even one cigarette because they all got addicted after one. I had the worst fucking nightmare experience with my first cigarette you couldn't pay me to smoke one of these again.
#like my friend always offers everyone cigarettes and i had always declined but one time i decided to try it because i was#feeling suicidal and went 'you know what yeah whatever. maybe this will fix me' so i accepted. and it was absolutely fucking horrible#like i felt the strongest most intense sense of impending doom I've ever felt in my life and I've had quite a lot of panic attacks#and i felt like there was danger everywhere and i needed to run away immediately. i also felt very unpleasant tension in my body#like physically not psychically. i had to start grinding my teeth hard as fuck and flexing all my muscles to at least prevent#myself from actually running around the block. Which i didn't want to do because it would have been weird and also it was 3 am#but yeah 0/10 stars sucked about as much as eating boiled and dried fly agaric.#actually this sucked more because while i technically had this cigarette for free you do pay for cigarettes. whereas if you want fly agaric#you just visit the woods. and you can sell fly agaric. probably. and it's tasty.#which reminds me that if i boil the dried ones i have again and then one more time and then dry them again they should actually#be a better experience. i mean. not for me because the 'desired' effects are literally just me when I'm dissociating.#but like if someone else wanted to try it wouldn't make them nauseous anymore. which is good.#if you boil it just once and dry you will get nauseous. but the book i have didn't state that if you boil them several times over#it shouldn't happen anymore. it treated the nausea as an inevitability.
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🤐
#this is sort of a rant and it's not a rant. idk if that even makes any sense but i swear if some people weren't a part of my family my life#would have been a lot easier. like just their presence bothers me#some people have a lovely habit of being extremely over possessive of their stuff especially material belongings and the amount of regard#they've for their stuff is equalled by the amount of disregard they've for other people's stuff#my nephew ripped up a story book i had given him to read and he ripped the already ripped book in front of me and his mother had THE FUCKING#AUDACITY to say that it was already ripped. he had ripped it already. i said ma'am then he shouldn't have. that doesn't make it right#then i was like trying not to make ny nephew cry so I said to him let me glue it back in it's hardcover and then I'll give it to you and#that imbecile woman again had the audacity to laugh and say where is the hardcover. i said idk. she was that's what I'm trying to say. he#ripped it apart a while ago and threw the cover somewhere and i almost rolled my eyes so bad that they almost went back in my brain or smthn#LIKE HOW DOES THAT MAKE IT OKAY????? AND THEN MA'AM HAD THE AUDACITY TO TAUNT ME WHILE TALKING TO MY MUM SAYING HE'S A KID HOW WOULD HE KNOW#i was like yeah you're right. but the elders know what's right. right?#this woman has been in our family for quite a few years now and there hasn't been a day where i hadn't wished that she'd be gone from our#lives#it's extremely tiring I'm sorry#I can't even atp#personal rant#rant time!#hera#hera core
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Good People
Part One🦇Part Two🦇Final Part
Wayne knows eavesdropping isn't the done thing. He's definitely old enough to know better, and he wasn't going to. He had a plan. He was going to walk directly into the living room, so they'd know he was awake, and after he'd fixed his cup of coffee, he'd plopped into his perfectly worn in recliner and subtly glare at the Harrington boy until he squirmed.
Mostly because it amused Wayne, but also just a little sliver of it was because he wanted the Harrington boy to know Wayne didn't think he was good enough for his boy. But only a little! Lord knows that Wayne couldn't do anything to make Eddie change his mind about Steve Harrington, short of Harrington proving Wayne right. Which he doesn't actually want because he doesn't want Eddie hurt.
He's just... He expects it to happen. That's what boys like Harrington do to boys like Eddie. He's seen it enough times to know that this song and dance leave no room for improvisation. Boys like Harrington play around, get their kicks with the devotion Eddie shows them, and then when they've had their fill, they leave.
Boys like Harrington will never be good enough for Eddie, but they always leave with Eddie feeling like he's not enough. Wayne hates it.
Anyway, his plan wasn't to eavesdrop. It's just that Harrington said his name and Wayne found himself standing still instead of continuing.
"Why doesn't Wayne like me?" Harrington asks.
"This again?" Eddie says dismissively, which has Wayne agreeing. His opinion shouldn't have bearing on their friendship.
A deep sigh from Harrington before, "I just. It's- he means so much to you. And, like, I- nevermind. It's stupid. I'm stupid."
"Hey," Eddie sounds a type of serious that Wayne rarely hears from him, "you're not stupid. And you gotta quit fucking saying that. You say it enough and you'll start to believe it and it's not true."
"Hard to quit feeling stupid when people dismiss my concerns like they are stupid," Harrington snaps back, bitchy as can be. The tone makes Wayne bristle on behalf of Eddie. His boy doesn't reply immediately, though. Doesn't bite back like Wayne's used to hearing. Huh. Maybe he's growing up, just a little.
"You're right, Steve," Eddie says when he finally speaks. "That was dismissive. I'm sorry. Explain it to me. Why does it matter to you whether Wayne likes you or not?"
"Well, because he's your family."
"Yeah," Eddie agrees, "he is. But that doesn't explain why it matters. I don't care if your parents like me or not."
"That's different!"
"How?" Eddie asks, soft but firm.
"Because their opinion doesn't matter. It's not- It's irrelevant. What they think."
"That makes no sense. Wayne's opinion matters because he's my family, but your parents' opinion doesn't even though they're your family?"
"Yes!"
"But why?" Eddie presses.
"Because they're bad people!" Steve bursts, not quite shouting but close. "Because when bad people don't think highly of you, it's not a fault in you. Their disproval is, like, a compliment. They don't like you because you're too different from them. And that's great! You shouldn't want their approval. It's different, because your uncle is a good person. And when a good person doesn't like you, it is your fault. It's something- it's..." Harrington loses steam here, voice dropping low and defeated, "there's something wrong with me. Something in me that- that he just knows. Senses about me or whatever. Something wrong or rotten or-"
"Steve! That's bullshit. Sure, Wayne's been standoffish, but he'll come around. You're not wrong, or rotten, or whatever else you think you are."
"How do you know that? I was an asshole most of life and what if that's just the real me? What if that's who I'll always be deep down. 'Cause I'm trying so damn hard, man. I'm giving it my all trying to be a better person and it's not enough! Everyone still talks about who I was in high school and even you-" Harrington snaps his mouth closed so hard that Wayne hears the clack of his teeth from his position in the hallway. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- I'm sorry."
"Steve. This is about more than just my uncle's opinion of you, isn't it?"
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."
"I want you, too. I want to know if I've ever done anything to make you feel like you aren't enough."
Wayne really shouldn't be listening. He should back down the hall and into his room. Give them time to talk.
"No, Eddie, you don't make me feel like- that's not what I meant. I just. I'm...."
"Hey, Stevie, you can tell me."
"I'm just so afraid that... That one day everyone will wake up and realize what Wayne already knows. That I'm not good enough for them. For you."
Oh. Wayne really shouldn't be listening.
"I'll admit that Wayne's opinion is important to me, for a lot of things. But not about you. What I feel about you, how I feel about you, isn't dictated by Wayne."
"Sure. I mean, I know that, like, logically or whatever. But it's. I can't convince my brain that you won't just. Hate me one day. And I- fuck, Eddie, I'm already halfway in love with you and-"
"You're in love with me?" Eddie interrupts, sounding awed, starstruck, and Wayne cannot be listening anymore. He backs down the hall silently and back into his room.
Steve Harrington seems to think that he's a good person, but he's not feeling like a good person at the moment.
He's got some thinking to do.
#steddie#my fic#wayne munson#eddie munson#steve harrington#wayne pov#wayne doesnt like steve and steve cannot accept that#not doing a readmore because its very short.
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