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#i just want her to be okay. and im so scared shes not gonna be.
appleblueberry-pie · 3 days
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Im back with another yandere satoru request hehehe
So, I was wondereding what would happen if Satoru's beloved found out about his very unhealthy obession with her?
Hold on, lemme cook rq- So, instead of getting the fuck away from him (like most logical people would do) she decides to try her best to get him some help. Like, she'd confront him about his very distirbing behavior, (basically tearing down his entire facade and presenting it to him) and when he's begging her not to be afraid of him, not to abandon him, she tells him that she wants him to get help.
Heres where I kinda got a little stuck....the thing is...he would listen to her every beck and call, but would he really get the help he needs, or would he decieve her and trick her into beliving that he's getting better when in realitly he hasn't changed at all. (He's just alot more careful about what he does behind her back.)
Mkayyy, thats all folks. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
You kept hearing noises from your backyard.
It woke you up. You couldn't really recognize what it was, but you really hoped it wasn't raccoons eating your berries again. You admit, your garden has many fruits and vegetables, but you certainly didn't want them being eaten. They took too long to grow! So, you got out of bed, threw on your robe over your night gown and quickly made your way downstairs to your backdoor.
When you opened the door and stepped onto the grass, everything seemed fine. Your strawberries were intact. Carrots still growing. No lemons dropped from the tree. But to the far right, you did see a familiar figure continuously puncturing another man's insides with a pretty dangerous looking knife thing.
Someone was in your yard.
Someone was being killed in your yard.
You're within distance of a killer.
By the time the realization set in, the familiar looking man had already saw you staring at him. It was Satoru Gojo.
You both stared at each other. It grew painfully silent and you took a step back, your eyebrows furrowing. You began hearing your heartbeat in your ears and began breathing faster. Your lips separated, probably to scream, and Satoru dropped the knife, immediately running over to you to shut you up in time.
When he trapped you in his arms, you tried to scream in surprise, but he already had one of his hands covering the entire bottom half of your face. "SHHHHHHHhhhhhh. shhhhhhhh. shhhhhh." His heartbeat thumped against your upper back and you tried to look up at him. He was already staring down at you with those big blue eyes and you tried to take his hand off of your mouth. "It's okay, baby. You're alright. It's alright."
Well, he didn't kill you, so clearly you didn't have to be scared. You still tried to talk and he tilted his head. "......you gonna scream if I let you go?" You shook your head. He stared down at you, as if he was trying to catch you in a lie. But then he laughed and finally loosened his hold on you. You took his hand off of your mouth and turned around. "...............Why are you killing someone in my yard?"
He says nothing.
You try to look back at the corpse and he blocks your way. "Fertilizer."
You avert your gaze and hug yourself. "For your tree."
"I already fertilized it two weeks ago. You were there. It doesn't need fertilizer until like a few months later." Satoru goes silent and sighs.
"Alright, babe. You caught me." He stalks closer to you and stops when he's directly in front of you.
"I killed him because he was a terrible waste of space." His smile was unnerving and you only felt more uncomfortable and confused. "What....?" "....He was useless. And he got in the way." The way he spoke made things a little awkward between the two of you. Did this have something to do with you and him? You hoped not. But with the way he said it, and the way he was staring at you began giving you confirmation that this was the case.
"He doesn't deserve you like I do." You inhale sharply and take a step back towards your door. "Satoru-" "No, I'm serious."
"You can't just....kill someone. He's dead!" His shoulders shake as he laughs at your statement. "You think I don't know that? That's the whole point. To die." You shake your head, "I-I need to get you help. This isn't okay. You shouldn't think it's okay to kill someone just to....I don't even know."
"To have you," He states. But you didn't hear. You were already back in the house to research different forms of treatment he could possibly receive. You didn't know what you were going to do with the body.
Satoru did plan to use it as fertilizer.
He lied to you for 12 weeks. And he hated every second of it. He never liked hiding shit from you. Which is why he straight up told you that he killed that dumbass from a while ago. You deserve better than some liar. But he'd be damned if he let some random take you away from him. So, he told you that he was going to the therapist that he been paid off and also killed.
He told you the body was taken care of and you didn't have to worry about it. After all, your tree leaves looked perkier than usual(he didn't tell you that either).
When you heard he was consistently meeting with his therapist, you let him take you out more often. You let him hang out at your place to have sleepovers if you had the time, and you realized that you might have a small crush on him. You shouldn't have a crush on a killer, but here you were. You should've called the police on him a long time ago(not like he'd get rid of them either), but he promised you he'd be good. And he has been. So you trust him.
Satoru learned to stop doing things like being a killer when you're around. It was smart to do it at night. But definitely not where you live. Probably the stupidest thing he's ever done. He should buy that house a few towns off. Everyone would be better off dying in there anyways, especially if there'd be no trace of them in the first place.
He's lucky you're gullible.
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vex91 · 1 day
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Baek Harin - Heaven in hell
Pairing: Baek Harin x Female Reader
Fandom: Pyramid Game
Requested by: Anonymous
Request: im new here and Lokey in love with ur writing could I ask for harin x reader but the reader is grade F and harin just be crazy ASF like I'm talking girlie is threating you with your life and shit lmao (smut I'm begging also G!p harin if you're comfortable)
🛌I'll use this emoji every time I'm post an anon just so you know who's at the crime scene
Summary: Grade F was the worst thing that could happen to you... or so you thought, until you met the worst nightmare imaginable in person.
Warning(s): Smut, 18+ content, G!P Harin, Cursing, Smoking, Unprotected sex, Mentions of burning skin with a cigarette etc.
A/N: If a psycho then why hot? Thanks for requesting <3
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3rd's POV
The sound of a whistle made your blood run cold, you instinctively looked at Suji who immediately got closer to you in order to help you if things went south. Looking to the side you saw Dayeon walking over to you smirking with every step, you started imagining everything she could do to you despite the whole class being there and watching.
"Unfortunately I'm not the one in charge of having fun with you. Harin is calling for you, if I were you I would hurry there, she doesn't seem too happy"
You weren't sure if you won lottery or lost it because as much as you were happy that Dayeon left you alone, you weren't too keen on seeing Harin. Suji noticed that when she pulled you to herself "You don't have to go Y/N or I can go with you" You appreciated how much Suji worried about you as your best friend, she hated that you were in grade F because it gave Harin a free pass of harassing you and she already was all weird with you before.
"It's okay, I'll be back" You squeezed her hand reassuringly and left the class, Dayeon's laugh at the back sending shivers down your spine.
Harin was waiting for you in an empty classroom that no one ever uses - one of her bright ideas as she wanted to have a space where she could played with her favorite toy in peace without any interruptions. The moment you walked in a strong smell of cigarettes hit you. Harin's eyes immediately wandered over your whole figure before she gestured you over. Not wanting to argue you did as she told you.
"I wondered why you took so long" She said as her free hand went to your hip "Now we will probably miss class because you're so slow" Dayeon was right about her being in a bad mood, the tension in the room felt suffocating as she put the cigarette she held near your mouth "Are you also gonna irritate me like the rest of these fools?" You quickly shook your head at her question, too scared to say anything bad.
"Then what are you waiting for?" Her eyes bored into yours as she waited for your move. You slowly opened your mouth and let her put the cigarette as you took a drag from it. She took it back with a satisfied grin and watched you exhale the smoke, coughing. Harin's grin only widened as her hand started lowering to your thighs, massaging them "I knew you were better than everyone else in this class, you're way more fun to be around" You gasped loudly when you felt her cigarette making contact with your skin, she quickly covered your mouth as she repeated the action on your thigh, burning another part of your skin.
She smiled at the way you struggled against her in pain before she dropped the now extinguished cigarette to the trash. She looked at you innocently as she said "I love when people are competent, are you?" You could only nod with glossy eyes because what else you could do? If you won't do what she says, she could make your life a living hell, even more than now.
"Quiet huh? Well you're right, it's better if you use your mouth for better use anyways" She pushed you down in front of her and freed her cock from her boxers. She looked down at you, putting her dick near your mouth and smearing it against your closed lips "Come on, you know what will happen if you start misbehaving. You're lucky you never saw me really angry before" You hated how calm she sounded while saying all of that to you. Finally having enough waiting she pushed it in your mouth, forcing you to suck it.
Her hand forcefully pushed your head up and down, causing you to not being able to keep up with her thrust but you quickly managed to start sucking her on your own. Your tongue licked all around her cock as she kept your head bopping on her. The silence in the room kept being interrupted with the sound of her groans and curses under her breath. She finally came with a particularly hard thrust and forced you down more to swallow all of it, nearly choking you but Harin didn't care, why would she anyways?
"See? You can do something useful when you want to" You mentally scoffed at it, as if she didn't forced you down on her cock the whole time. Before you could even say anything back to her, she changed your positions, she pushed you up and sat you down on the desk while she got in front of you, already pulling your panties off. She dragged her finger against your clit, smirking at how wet you were "You look so sad but deep down you're just as fucked up as I am because you clearly like it with how wet you are, so wet that I don't even need to prepare you to take me well" Harin laughed mockingly at you as she slapped your clit with her cock a few times before pushing in harshly making you gasp loudly again. Her hand quickly covered your mouth.
"You really want someone to walk in and see us like that? You're really fucked in the head and so fun" She laughed again before pulling out her phone and starting recording her dick going in and out of you "Since you're so dirty, I'll record everything well for you" Harin's hand squeezed your boob through the fabric of your shirt as she continued thrusting into you mercilessly, the sound of skin slapping resonated throughout the room as she fucked you roughly.
You hated how much you actually enjoyed her cock, you felt embarrassed of yourself for liking the way she treated you despite also wanting to get away from her. Maybe the fact that you can't run away from Harin and her twisted desires made you enjoy it, you weren't sure but you felt ashamed of your body for meeting her every thrust.
"I'm gonna cum in you and you're gonna take it all like a good girl, I know you want me to anyways, you're a slut for my cum after all" She whispered in your ear as she covered your mouth again, her thrusts became faster as she soon released all her seed into you, forcing you to stay close to her in case you wanted to pull away.
You wouldn't anyway because you knew that you had to let Harin do anything she wanted with you and you couldn't stop it. That was your life after all.
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idkwhatever580 · 5 hours
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I’m sure you could pt. 1
Masterlist
Pairings: Natasha romanoff x reader
Prompt: y/n follows Natasha to Norway. What happens when they go out? (Loosely based off of black widow events)
Warnings: fights, mentions of cuts and injuries, no smut but almost, mentions of death. No actual death though.
A/N: I’m working really hard on this one but it’s taking a bit out of me. I decided to create two parts to it. Because I’m basically going with the black widow movie. But including r. So have fun. Tell me if you think I should add something to part two!
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Y/n’s pov
“NATALIA ALIANOVNA ROMANOVA OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW!”
I am pounding on the door of the trailer and Natasha opens it with a gun in her hand and she quickly covers my mouth and pulls me inside.
“Shut the fuck up you’re gonna get me caught!”
I storm past her and say
“No you shut the fuck up! What were you thinking?!”
She sighs and says
“Detka please-”
“No! Don’t baby me! I am so pissed with you.”
“Please let me explain”
I huff and say
“Go on then. Explain to me why you left with no note not even a call! You could have been dead for all I know and I was just at home waiting for you!”
I start pacing back and forth in the little space there is.
“I know I’m not an avenger and I’m not all special like you are, but as your wife I deserve the decency to hear when you’re running away!”
“It wasn’t safe!”
I shake my head in frustration she keeps explaining
“It never is safe right nat?”
“They are after me. Everyone is after me right now. I felt horrible but I had to get rid of my everything because of it. I double crossed tony and the government.”
I let out a frustrated groan and she finally realizes how bad my breathing is. She knows it’s gonna be bad if I don’t calm down soon so she says
“Baby. I need you to breathe with me. In. And out. In. And out.”
I take a few more breaths and then I look back up at her
“I thought you were dead”
My eyes fill with tears and she says
“Oh dorogoy. Im so sorry.”
I start to sob and she wraps her arms around me and I grab onto her shirt as if she’s going to disappear if I let go. I start to rant into her chest.
“I thought I’d never see you again and you just were going to run off. You always do this Natalia I am always so scared. I wish you’d have come home and taken me with you.”
“You know it’s not that simple”
I nod my head and keep crying.
After a long while I finally am able to calm down and we get up and go to the bedroom to talk. Natasha starts with a question naturally
“How did you know where I was?”
I sigh and say
“This guy named mason broke into the compound somehow and told me after I almost shot him.”
She laughs and says
“He’s always been like that. Stupid”
I nod my head in agreement and Natasha asks another
“How did you get here? Do you think anybody followed you?”
I shake my head and say
“Mason made sure to get me here with nobody on my trail.”
I decide it’s my turn for a question
“Are you hurt anywhere?”
She shakes her head and says
“Clint threw me on the ground pretty hard but not bad. I think I got a few bruises but not much more”
I nod my head and say
“Let me see you”
She sighs knowing I need confirmation that she is not damaged too badly. I’ve always been like that.
So she stands up and takes off her shirt and does a slow 360 for me. Before she can turn back around I wrap my arms around her waist from behind and move her hair to the side so I can kiss her neck.
I trail my hands under her breasts and then move to the back and say
“Is this okay?”
She nods her head and whispers
“Yes”
I unhook her bra and let it slide down. I immediately start kneading her boobs softly making her let out some soft moans.
Her head rolls back and she turns around eventually to do the same for me. She kisses me softly and says
“Let me make you feel good”
I sigh and say
“Natty I don’t want to make you tired”
She chuckles and shakes her head
“You give me life baby. You could never make me tired.”
I raise my eyebrow and say
“I don’t know about that. I’m sure I could if I tried”
She smiles and kisses me tenderly
“I’m sure you could detka”
Before we actually get anywhere the generator goes out and everything turns off.
I groan and say
“Why now?”
She chuckles and says
“We don’t need lights”
I smile and say
“No. But I think we should figure it out before we fall asleep and then freeze.”
She sighs and says
“You’re right”
And as she is getting off of me I mumble
“As always”
Nat turns to me
“What was that?”
I look away innocently and say
“Nothing!”
She slaps my arm and throws on her bra and shirt again. We both go outside to investigate. Well. I investigate and she stands guard.
You can never be too safe.
Unfortunately the generator has run out of gas. So we need to go into town to fill up the little gas can we have.
We load up and go on our way. I smile at her from the passenger seat until we cross a bridge and a bomb goes off throwing us around.
I black out for a few minutes and once I am fully conscious again I look around and find nat next to me unharmed. But I look around for the perpetrator and see this person in a suit. It looks weird. But Natasha already is in action.
She unbuckles and falls making the car move. I finally realize that we’re hanging over the bridge. I shakily say
“Nat?”
She turns to me and says
“Get out and get as far away as possible through the backseat okay?”
“I’m not gonna leave you here with that maniac!”
“He’s here for me. Not you. Go!”
I know she’s telling the truth. It’d be no good if I’m hurt and she’d have to handle me too so I slip out the door and she starts shooting at him.
They start fighting and I see a brief case that looks like it has important vials in it. Honestly these things look like magic. So I grab them swiftly and sneak off.
I hide in some bushes and Natasha and the robot person fight more. From the looks of it they are copying her exact moves. Like they know exactly what she’s doing.
This is terrifying since she is never predictable.
Suddenly. They end up staring right at each other and as Natasha analyzes this things armor, it turns towards me. I know I’m hiding in a bush but I think it can see me.
She says
“You’re not here for me”
And she looks around for something. I widen my eyes and realize he’s here for the briefcase that I have in my hands.
Natasha knows it too so she runs at the armored person and they fight a bit more.
Natasha clearly knows what she’s doing so she yells
“Throw the case y/n!”
I don’t think and just listen to her so I throw it on the bridge and they fight to get to it. But Natasha gets there first.
They fight again and Natasha uses the persons shield that oddly looks like caps shield. But before she can win he kicks her off the bridge and I almost scream out but I remember they might come for me too so I stay silent as tears run down my face constantly.
They end up with the briefcase and I look and see that there is nothing in it. Clearly nat took it out before they kicked her off. But there’s no fucking point.
Once they leave and I see the way is clear I run down the side of the bank to the water. It’s a little steep and I slip making me fall a lot but I don’t even care. I don’t stop running.
I get to the water and start looking around.
Nobody’s pov
“My baby! No. No no no no. No no. You can’t be gone. Please Natasha nat please. I need you.”
Words start to roll out of y/n’s throat uncontrollably, but nobody can hear.
Y/n is on her knees at the river bank with cuts and scrapes all over them.
They look around and then start crawling to the water. Somehow their brain isn’t functioning properly and they just start looking for Natasha while repeating the same things over and over like a crazy person.
Until a gasp comes from the water and y/n looks up to see Natasha coming out on the other side.
She immediately scrambles up and says
“Nat?!”
They can’t hear her speak and they just lie down. Suddenly they pull some red glowing ball out of their jacket.
Y/n’s pov
That red shit is the stuff that was in Natasha’s briefcase! It’s her!
I almost yell her name when she gets up and starts looking around. I find my phone which somehow didn’t break in the crash or my fall and I turn the flashlight on and wave it at her.
I realize that if I yell at her it might alert that person again. I don’t want that.
She sees the light and knows it’s me. So I make my way over the hill and cross the burning bridge and climb back down much slower this time.
“Nat?”
“Y/n?”
We both sigh in relief when we recognize each other.
I run to nat and say
“Are you okay?!”
She nods her head still a bit winded from being under water
I tear up and say
“I swear to god if I ever find that person I’m gonna kill them.”
She shakes her head thinking and says
“You shouldn’t be here. You need to go home”
I look at her like she’s crazy and say
“And leave you for that thing?! No fuckjng way!”
I can tell she’s in black widow mode right now
“Y/n… you don’t know what we’re dealing with right now. I need you to go home. I need you to be safe”
I huff and say
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Why won’t you listen to me!”
“Because! I am only safe with you. If you send me home nobody can protect me as well as you can. You are the only one that can help me sleep at night. You are my safety.”
She sighs and shakes her head knowing it’s a losing battle.
Suddenly I look down into her hands and in one, she is holding the red stuff, but in the other, is a little paper.
“What is that?”
She looks up at me and says
“What is what”
I look her in the eyes to be a bit confrontational and say
“What’s in your hand?”
She holds up the red vials and says
“Uh- I actually don’t know. But I’m going to figure it out”
“No no. Not that hand. That hand”
I point to the other hand.
“What? Oh- nothing.”
“Cut the act Natasha. Tell me what is in your hand.”
She hesitates but hands it to me
“Who are these kids?”
“Me. And…”
My eyes widen and I say
“Yelena…”
She nods her head and I say
“She got out?!”
Nat shrugs her shoulders and says
“We can talk about this in a bit. We need to get somewhere safe. Where they can’t get to us”
I nod my head and we walk back to the trailer making sure nobody is on our trail.
We sit down and Natasha and I take a second to look at each other and take each other in.
Only now does she realize the cut I got on my forehead because of my fall.
“I’m so sorry”
I shrug and say
“Not your fault. I went too fast down the hill looking for you and fell”
She laughs a bit at my clumsiness.
“I’m glad someone’s getting a kick out of this”
She tends to my wounds and I tend to hers as she tells me everything.
“If you’re coming with me you have to understand the dangers of this. We’re dealing with the red room here”
I nod my head and say
“I might not know much but I at least train with you for hand to hand. And I can shoot.”
She nods her head and says
“I don’t know if Yelena is truly out. She could have just been on a mission.”
“On a mission where?”
“Budapest”
I smile and say
“You’re one of the only people I know who say Budapest correctly.”
She nods her head and continues
“I’m hoping she’s still there. If not I don’t know what I’ll do. But mason brought these to me from my hideout there. So she might be laying low if she actually escaped.”
I nod my head and kiss the last wound I just cleaned up for her. Now I move on to brushing and re-braiding her hair.
“Who was that robot person?”
“I don’t know. But from the looks of it, they’re from the red room. So it’s probably not a guy. The red room utilizes women and their weaknesses. That person has been training to fight me since they were a girl.”
I nod my head and say
“Why don’t they look like any other widows?”
“I’m not sure”
I keep braiding my hair and just say what pops into my head.
“Do you think this girl is special to the red room? Like. Maybe she’s dreykovs daughter”
She shakes her head.
“Impossible. She died when I bombed the both of them. I didn’t mean to get her, but I had to get him and that was my only time slot.”
I nod my head in understanding and say
“Okay.”
She stands up when I finish the braid and says
“We’re going to Budapest. Grab your things.”
I look around and say
“I don’t have any things. For some reason I just left.”
She sighs and grabs some extra clothes for me.
Before we leave she grabs my hands and says
“Before we go, I can’t in good conscience let you come with me without telling you the dangers of this. We could very likely both die”
I nod my head and say
“I know. But there’s no one I’d rather die with than you. I’m not worried though. I know you’ll keep me safe.”
She smiles and kisses me and says.
“I could always kick your ass and make you stay here”
I smile and use her words from earlier.
“I’m sure you could baby”
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
A/N: I’m totally gonna make a part two don’t worry. You just might have to wait a little bit :)))
Taglist
@ilovesnat @ihartnat @marvelnatasha12346 @moistblobfish
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star-mum · 9 months
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Okay OP nation I have some (maybe controversial) statements about the Straw Hats and I need y’all to listEN FIRST OKAY- HEAR ME OUT
Boyfriend: Zoro and Franky
Husband: Usopp and Sanji
Girlfriend: Nami
Wife: Robin
Luffy: Aroace king
#DO YOU SEE THE VISION ????#like I am a Certified Zoro Girlie but thats not a husband... he has Boyfriend written all over him#I cant call him husband in my head - ‘oh that’s my Husband Zoro’ - ew no - 'thats my BOYFRIEND Zoro' - yes !#Franky is just cool and sensitive like that -> the boyfren to defeat all boyfrends -> i'd fall hard and fast -> like embarrassingly so#SANJI OH MY GOD !!! THE FIRST MAN WHO DARED TO MALEWIFE#and of course anime he has a couple red flags but I always put those on ‘annoying anime trope’ rather than accepting thats a part of him (C#(OPLA IS HERE TO PROVE THAT) shit like in canon they kinda set him up as this totally uncool Wannabe Casanova (which he is !!)#but he’s also just effortlessly charming ???? me at 7 y/o watching his intro for the very first time ??? a goner !!! -> me at 20 yo watchin#GOD !! USOPP !! THE MAN ! THE KING ! THE LEGEND -> I have ALWAYS been an Usopp girlie -> cause im always right and i love to win#y’all gonna give a pathetic cowardly little man with huge dreams and an even bigger heart who ALWAYS stands up for whats right#DESPITE BEING SCARED ???? I’m in the chapel baby lets do this 👰🏻 -> also his tiddies are always out ??? DUNGAREES WITH NO SHIRT !! WHATS NO#risking his life fighting an incredibly powerful and scary pirate for an entire village who didn’t treat him fairly and DIDNT BELIEVE HIM#him going to a place he was Not Welcomed and constantly mistreated at only to tell a DYING girl incredibly fun stories and keep her company#cause he saw his mom go through the same thing as a kid ? -> i love him yall 🥺#NAMI !!! thats Girlfriend with a capital G -> shes pretty greedy and a little bit (very) mean -> i love her sm i want her to rule my life#RO !! BIN !! the crush I have on that woman is honestly embarrassing -> she is THE wife -> do not be mistaken#i dont really see Luffy wanting a romantic relationship but that’s not gonna stop me from reading fanfic about him ; p#i had to edit this and glue some tags together so they'd all fit -> thats why theres so many arrows -> I have Thoughts okay -> let me live#one piece#opla#one piece live action#straw hats
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astranauticus · 3 months
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idk what is it about that one throwaway line from han sooyoung about her writing 10 chapters in one day that finally broke me but oh my fuckin god i love her so much
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transgender-catboy · 8 months
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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t-urbulence · 1 year
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next year i want
to learn 10 languages (i did start 10 duolingo courses yesterday so like)
read 12 books (i havent read a book since high school)
watch 52 movies (eh)
get a tattoo! (but only if the TLOU show is good)
get rollerskates uwu
get back into biking
get back into drawing?
write sumn idk
not get a mental breakdown every three months especially before funkytown in february
i will go to austria, england, wales, and denmark in february (and march) in one big trip and i would. love to not. be a problem. :)
get a lavalamp
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pepprs · 2 years
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the way i am going to need to be tranquilized and sedated to get through tomorrow. god fucking help me
#purrs#particularly from like 1:30-3:30 specifically. i do not know how i will be able to get work done. i do not know how i am going to be able to#not fucking die. i really feel like i am going to pass out. i can’t do this i really truly genuinely cannot#every time i remember. like just… there are implications of this i have not even THOUGHT OF yet. that haven’t even crossed my MIND that are#still so engrained in my life and way of thinkjng and being. and i don’t know ifim gonna make her uncomfortable or panicked or guilty by#sobbing my eyes out not to mention other people witnessing that but there is NO WAY im gonna be able to not sob hysterically. this is#legitimatelt one of the most painful things that has ever happened to me in my whole life which says something about how much pain i have#experienced as a human being and how ridiculous it is that im freaking out over this LOL. but ummmmmm. this is……. this is so bad. i think#everything after tomorrow will be very hard (because i’ll miss her terribly) but it’ll be okay because it’s like this is the reality and now#we have to just like move forward and yeah im gonna have breakdowns on here abt how i feel like we aren’t properly grieving it or whatever a#and how i want time to like cope with it and not keep movi ng at 38472974mph WHILEALSO trying to not convey panic. but it’s been this#excruciating mindfuck of a situation bc she’s still HERE. STILL USING THE ‘WE’ THE DAY BEFORE SHE LEAVES! LIKE WHAT IS GOING ONBNNN THE COGN#COGNITIVE FUCKING DISSONANCE OF IT ALL!!!!! and like seeing her and having her stuff still around and whatever is um. it’s bad. it’s really#making it hard for me to accept that this is happening. so tomorrow is it then and we will drag ourselves through it and i swear to god i#will be hysterically crying. maybe even as i walk in and see her there knowing it’s the last time. LOL. like how do i not…. omgggggggg 😍😍😍😍😍#this is so so so bad. why is this happening. not only is it embarrassing and humiliating but it’s like girl thisis an office this is work it#it’s really not that big a deal. BUT IT IS. TO US. TO ME. WHY IS SHE DOING THIS? i am about to punch the WALL. but nothing will help or make#it better until time passes or if she randomly decides not to do it. idk .i just can’t believe it. im so angry and sad and hurt and scared.#tomorrow will straight up kill me. it really actually seriously will. i don’t know how im gonna get through it. LOL#delete later
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aquarianlights · 2 years
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✨️ I just kind of want to die rn. ✨️
#im srs tho#i feel fucking terrible#im still coming down from anesthesia and im so fatigued and tired#if it were not for echo i would take an overdose rn and be done with it#except for the fact i am horribly scared of respiratory depression#suffocating is one of my worst fears so...#i just really want to get a gun#ik my girlfriend has lots of guns#im not legally allowed to have a gun and idk how to find them on the black market#but since my gf has them... ive been thinking about it... thinking about waiting until we live together and waiting until echo passes#and then I'd have no issues just... taking one... it's not like I'd be keeping it or using more than one bullet#im sure she would forgive me and id write a note anyways#notes* rather... addressing multiple people personally with her being one of them. id apologize for using her gun but where else would i#get one? she is the only person ik who has guns coz her family is a hunting family.#oh well....that's been on my mind ever since i found out she has guns and also really wants us to live together. i always thought if one#were in the house with me that it would be so easy to use when i feel like this and just get it over with#instead i hesitate because i dont have the right methods... and i end up feeling okay or better later. only to come back to suicidal later#so a gun would be best i think... that way i can take care of it in the moment and get it over with. i just need a gun to do it.#unfortunately my girlfriend is the only one ik who has them so... it's gonna have to be hers#that's a long way off though. echo is only 9 years old and his breed lives into the 16-18 years old phase. i wont leave until echo is gone#depression#sad#sadness#suicidal#suicide#crying#pain#upset#personal#depressed
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transgaysex · 2 years
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i love having thoughts while procrastinating on something i need to do
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milkoolongtee · 2 months
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Children grow up with the habits of their parents and that can be both endearing and terrifying!
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watch-out-it-bites · 6 months
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I really hope mom doesn't hate us again fuuck
#everyone says shed never hate me but she literally told me to my face that she doesnt like me#then she gets mad when i say it back acts all victim#i wish she didnt download tiktok because now she calls me words i dont understand#says i do weaponized incompotence when i asked her to show me how to do something#shes been nice to me because sister is gone and she was bad hhh i hate thinking of sistwe#but also because ive been doing a lot of things for her so#im gonna have to do extra work so she doesnt fucking hate me again#hgod i hate this#fuucking hate miette#whenever i ask her something she acts like im a piece of shit acts all exasperated#she takes a whole minute to respond when shes watching tiktok#i dont think she loves me no matter what she says#the last time we hugged was when dashy died and before that it was when i left to go to ___#annd. im just so scared of her now#the tones of her voice the way she snaps to get my attention flicks my forehead when shes annoyed with me#i wont forget when she called me a lying little bitch#she gets mad that i remember all these things and hold onto it but. god. i feel like such a shitty person.#its okay when she does stuff to me but when i do it back.#i dont like when shes nice to me. last time she was it was because she was planning something trying to get something out of me#i feel like. any time shes nice shes not really being nice. she just wants something from me.#im so tired#i think she will hate me#shes definitely gonna take away presents which fair enough i understand that
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willowfey · 8 months
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genuine question does anyone have any tips on how to manage prolonged constant extreme anxiety? like the kind where u have to always stay distracted bc any second alone with ur thoughts will send u into a nauseous pit. the kind that makes it so u never get a restful sleep and u never have an appetite and ur hands are always shaking and ur muscles are painfully tense. anyone know uh…… what i can do about that
(i don’t have insurance atm and my medical anxiety is far too high to get anything prescribed atm so i need things that i can do on my own other than breathing and i’m sick of reading articles)
#it feels like it did when my mom was sick and i couldn’t think about anything else for months#except my mom ISN’T sick anymore. so there’s no one reason i can point to#it’s just always there. my stomach hurts my jaw hurts my body hurts#i can do things to stay distracted but when the night rolls back around i feel like i’m trapped in a haunted house#i’m just so tired i wanna cry about it. i want to relax so bad. i want to feel okay and safe and rested SO FUCKING BAD#i didn’t used to be like this i hatehatehate it i don’t wanna be like this or feel like this anymore#not to mention my sister has such high anxiety rn too that even if i’m distracting my own brain she can pull me back into it with hers#how do i exist without being endlessly terrified of everything that could happen to anyone at any time?#without the constant painful awareness of every tick of every second passing by?#im like this close to a meltdown at all times. i’d rather be apathetic than this it’s breaking my bones#i’m physically safe in that i want to remind anyone reading this that i have never been yk. suicidal or anything it’s not like that at all.#i want to be here i’m just SCARED sgajshsnd i’m just shaky and tired and tense and aaaaaaaaa#i need help. idek what that means i just need someone else to tell me it’s gonna be okay#(@ the friends that DO tell me that every day. i love u so much i appreciate u so much. i wish my body would remember it)#i put my feet in grass today and touched a tree and made tea and cleaned the house and it helped a little. it did.#but i just feel like everything takes this constant conscious effort and it’s soooo tiringgggggg i just want to rest#i want to let someone else control my brain for a while#sigh#okay i’m done i just needed to scream about it for a moment#there are places to go and things to paint and songs to listen to#i will keep going. even scared. i just wish i were less scared.
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straykats · 10 months
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minnieshark · 10 months
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ff2-soda-pop · 1 year
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can my mom please stop telling me that everythings gonna be fine when theres a very very high likelihood that it absolutely will not be fine
#this is. literally the worst thing that i think has ever happened to me directly in my entire life.#and like my mom has. a plan. a singular plan. and when i asked her what we'd do if it didnt work she just said 'well then we're in trouble'#yet is also still like 'nope everything will be fine stop worrying <3' like-????#also idc if maybe everything will possibly be fine Later. its not fine right now and im scared. nothing is okay right now!!!#stop telling me that it is!!!#also she was like 'dont worry about it' and im like. firstly How. How do i not worry.#secondly... we both know im not capable of not worrying. it is literally what i am best at. you are asking for the impossible#especially in a situation like this one#anyways uh. i refuse to name whats specifically going on because it feels Too Serious and also it gets too much into real life stuff for me#to feel entirely comfortable but like. this is all ive ever known i dont want it to be ripped away. i really dont think anyone else really#*gets* it. and i dont know ANYONE that i can talk to and i feel so alone and scared and i dont know if i can deal with this#everythings been getting so overwhelming and so Much and my mental health honestly hasnt been so great and this is like the nightmare-ish#horrid cherry on top of the sundae thats somehow already collapsing and on fire#literally this is like. possibly one of my worst fears and now its just Real and Happening and its terrifying and i hate everything#...anyways. apologies for this.#im... probably not gonna talk about this anymore here because i kinda want to not do that. this feels a bit Too personal life and stuff for#me to entirely feel comfortable getting into too much on here. but also my blog is kinda the one space i feel like i can vent and scream#into the Void and stuff and literally i need to dump some of the Thoughts because otherwise its all in my head and thats. not helping#vent
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