#fuck man and i had stuff i wanted to do today
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Aight here me out
Buggy has a child but instead their like moody, grumpy and stuff (like Octavia and loona from helluva boss) but they love buggy and would do ANYTHING for him
Happy go lucky dad 🤝 looks like it would kill you would kill you child
Substitute Assistant ( Cross guild x f!child!reader)
A/N not gonna lie I totally forgot who loons was, it’s been a hot minute since I watched helluva, since we are talking about helluva boss here, specifically loona, do expect a few swear words here and there. This one is kinda a flop but hopefully it lives to your standards Cosmo, I am surprised it wasn’t a Whitebeard request 😂,
Reader here is replaced by Dokucha which stands for Reader in japanese
Dividers by @/saradika
“Here you go, asshole,” Dokucha growled, throwing a stack of paper on Crocodile’s desk, a task that they had called her father to do
Crocodile lifts his gaze from his work to the child, taking another look at the stack that now lay on their desk
“Where is the clown?”
“Why the hell do you care?! You have your stupid reports, now leave my dad alone asshole!”
“Should a child your age be using such words?” The voice of the swordsman drawls from the sofa next to them
“Shouldn’t grown men be over bullying others like little children?” She snapped back
At that let out a low chuckle that slowly grew into a full-out laugh
“Well, Well seems the brat has more guts than that useless clown,” he
“Don’t call him that!”
“Would you prefer us we call him a coward instead?” Mihawk questioned, taking a sip from the wine in his hand as he continued observing the child’s rage bubble more and more
“Shut up! You assholes know nothing of Dad! He has done many things and gathered people of all kinds with his charisma alone; unlike you, he doesn’t have to pay off or bully people into being his followers!”
Crocodile lets out a dangerous smile at her words
“Funny seeing how it was your father who borrowed money from me, money that he lost and got him where he is now, so by all means, go ahead and tell me more about paying people off.”
“Just leave him alone; you got the business you wanted. Now leave him the hell alone.”
“No can do, little jester, see those people that your father won with his ‘charisma’ have named him the president of the guild; he’s not going anywhere,” Mihawk spoke
“Whether you like it or not, it was Buggy’s decisions that brought him here; he has no one to blame but himself,” he finished, swirling his cup around and downing the liquid inside
She growled, turning around and leaving the room only to be stopped by Crocodile’s voice
“Be a good child and bring me a light, will you?”
“Why the fuck would I do anything for the likes of you.”
He lets out a puff of smoke at her comment, staring lazily at her
“Because if you don’t, then I have no trouble calling your father in instead. While we’re at it, I might have a friendly chat with him about his brat’s behavior.”
She grits her teeth at his response, glaring at him as he chuckles in response
“When you return, I have a few other jobs for you to do, so don’t be long now.”
“Fine,” she snarls, stomping her way out of the office
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“Dokucha, where did you run off to? I missed you, my little star!” Buggy cheered as the small girl entered the room
“I was busy,” she mumbled
“How was your day today, Dad?” She questioned
“It’s so much better now that my favorite act is here!” Launching himself toward her, babbling about the different things they could do on their next performance
She chuckled as he draped himself over her, hugging him and nuzzling into him
“Hey, Dad?”
“And then Richie would app-hah? Yeah? “He asked, pausing his rambling
“I love you.”
He looks at her for a few seconds before he begins coming apart in surprise, fumbling to put his body together
“Little Star! You are just the cutest,” he cried, hugging her tight
“Okay, don’t go too far, old man,” she grumbled, trying to get away from the suffocating embrace
“Of course, anything for my little star!”
Again this was kinda weak but I hope you like it, obviously Dokucha is more mellowed out compared to Loona, and she doesn’t have that tsundere side with Buggy , hope you find the dynamic interesting
Taglist:
@imaginarydreams
@amethystviolin
@h0n3y-l3m0n05
#one piece#one piece x reader#one piece imagine#one piece fluff#one piece x child!reader#buggy x reader#op buggy#captain buggy#buggy the clown#mihawk fluff#dracule mihawk x reader#dracule mihawk x child!reader#dracule mihawk#cross guild x reader#cross guild#sir crocodile x child!reader#sir crocodile x y/n#sir crocodile x you#crocodile x you#sir crocodile x reader#crocodile x oc#mihawk imagine#mihawk scenario#mihawk x reader#buggy x you#buggy one piece#hawkeye mihawk#buggy x oc#mihawk#op mihawk
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Episode 3 Rewatch: "Manga Based TV Drama"
YEAH WE'RE BACK ON THESE AGAIN!!! As much fun as the liveblog format was, I found it was actually getting in the way of me *doing* the liveblog (it could take multiple hours for me to watch and queue up One Single Episode) so I've decided to return to a format a bit more like my chapter reviews just in the desperate hopes of getting these actually done before season 2 airs. In the immortal words of Brian H oobh i got plany off time. But let's get to it real quick anyway!!!
I have a really soft spot in my heart for episode 3 in particular because it was the first episode I actually anticipated watching after I got into the show - episodes 1 & 2 were already out when I fully contracted brainworms so episode 3 was the first one I had to actually wait for. A lot of the cuts from it are like carved into my brain because I watched that episode preview so many times while waiting for it to air lol…
I've said this before but the anime's take on her really is what turned me into an active Kana Enjoyer. Megumi Han's delightful performance and her character acting an animation all combine to make it really hard not to be endeared to her. Her excitement at being reunited with Aqua is really cute, too - I remember Han saying that she was specifically told not to play Kana as a girl meeting an old crush but as someone excitedly reuniting with an old friend and I think that's particularly sweet. The AQKN dynamic at its heart is kind of just two lonely kids who don't have a lot of other connections that aren't couched in transactional utility creating a space together where they can just exist without any ulterior motives.
gotanda's words being visualized as literally skewering kana is so fucking funny too. bro killed her. you really can't blame her for biting back during dinner later lol
Kana's putting on a pretty positive face about it, but knowing how deeply alone and abanoned she feels by her parents, it's hard to not feel really sad about this scene. She's chipper about it but this is the first hint towards Kana's current honestly kind of dire circumstances we'll see get expanded on all the way to the end of the anime.
Aqua's refusal to let Kana see his old acting is also really interesting to me. Intentionally or not, it feels like it's sewing the seeds for some stuff in Tokyo Blade; Aqua respects Kana's acting and Kana herself as a professional to the degree that he doesn't want to 'lose' to her in that sense. Or rather, he'd be embarrassed to have someone he respects seeing him stumble like that - a little like Ruby's freakout in episode 1 over the idea of Ai, specifically, seeing her be bad at dancing.
Aqua trying to play it cool and then immediately nerding out when Kana mentions Sweet Today is so so so so soooooooo cute. I love it when that side of his personality pokes out…
KABURAGI NAMEDROP JUMPSCARE!!!!! i made the same face, aqua... I won't go into my Kaburagi Villain Propaganda here, but it really is so deeply suspicious that Kaburashi was on her oldest, most private phone…
KANA'S LITTLE 'I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE' MOMENT………. AQUMELT REAL AFTER ALL…. (NOT CLICKBAIT)
ruby's lain brand milk vexes and haunts me
Aqua's quietly pained, guilty expression when Ruby misreads his intentions for becoming an actor is so good, as is his cold internal dismissal of Ai's wish… it's funny to see him insisting he's not doing this for Ai's sake when really, everything Aqua does comes back to his mom.
Man, though. What even is there to say about the Sweet Today bits lmao. Holy shit. Particular shout out to Melt's seiyuu, Seiji Maeda, for making his in-character acting so authentically awkward and clunky without it coming off as overwrought or like he himself was giving a bad performance. That's suuuuuch a delicate thread to weave but he does it exceptionally well.
This scene also has one of my all time favourite punch ups from the manga - in the original, Ruby just kind of gets the manga from nowhere and makes the comparisons that way but the anime makes Aqua the one to go get his copy and start silently flipping through it to compare until Ruby snatches it… it really is the perfect teeing up for him to run off and tattle to Kana even though he was pretending he didn't give a shit lol. Dork ass boy.
This talk at the karaoke bar is really good, too. The directing is pretty simply but I feel like the anime producton really shows off just how strong its expression and character acting work is here which does a lot to help along what's otherwise a very static conversation. The contrast in Aqua and Kana's energy is also very fun - Aqua's really still while Kana's very animated.
The manga hasn't really touched on this in a while but the content of the conversation here also starts a thread that I really liked in the early parts of Oshi no Ko about how hard it is to create good art in an environment like the entertainment industry. Tokyo Blade centers this more and is almost explicitly a follow up to Sweet Today's exploration of this idea but the seeds are sewn here, of the necessary compromises that need to be made just to get something out the door and how that can ultimately destroy the final product no matter how many well-meaning and passionate people are doing their absolute best to make something worth engaging with.
i'm also pretty sure this talk is the first time we see aqua smile after episode 1… cute.
The directing also really shines in that little moment at the end where Kana grabs Aqua's hand. In prior cuts, the two are visually separated in that they're both sat apart and there are multiple lines running between them in the background to section them off from each other.
But then just as Kana breeches Aqua's defenses and disarms him, she physically reaches past all these little barriers to finally get into his space. It's subtle but well done.
His wide-eyed slightly stunned face is also really sweet. We see this look on Aqua a lot when it comes to Kana and it always makes me smile a bit. She's excellent at getting under his skin whether she means to or not.
"now my body has caught up with my mental age" says aqua, confirming his mental age is that of a teenager, and mfs are still out here acting like he's a 30 year old man.
Oof, oof and oof. Kana's little speech here already makes me so soft and knowing how it's going to be utterly spat upon in just a moment by Kaburagi's callousness towards her just makes it hurt even more. We continually see reference to this supposed good relationship between Kana and Kaburagi during this episode and so knowing that he's ultimately just another shitty adult taking advantage of her clear desperation… masaya kaburagi when i see you it's on sight
This is also a really fantastic character moment for Aqua, I think. He himself says he's done everything he needed to do on set, so there's no need for him to start shit like he does. It's purely out of respect and fondness for Kana as a person and anger on her behalf as a fellow actor. For as much as Aqua likes to convince himself he's a coldhearted bastard, he really just cannot help himself when it comes to leaping in and helping people. He's a lot like Ai in that once somebody has his heart, he's theirs for good.
i also just have to fucking Scream at this cut of him. it hit me like a fucking TRUCK when this episode dropped. because it doesn't quite look like the equivalent panel of the manga, does it?
But doesn't it feel super familiar, even so? Doesn't it remind you of something? I wonder wh-
OSHI NO KO ANIME STAFF, WHEN I GET YOU!!!!!! (ENRAGED) (POSITIVE)
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#kats personal#family neg#no because. because its always 'you need to try more' or 'ur jot trying hard enough'#(translating languages during rants and counselling and stuff really kills the mood huh like the nuances arent the same)#like i ???#okay no i need to dtop thinking and ranting bc im remembering the really bad stuff now but#everything gets so downplayed and the more i try to defend myself/stabd my ground#the worse the conflict gets#but im also not allowed to be annoyed or angry that my feelings etc arent being heard#and im not allowed to be scared of things and/or want the safer option bc thats more expensive (re: medical things)#and there are just so many instances where its#'im your mother i know whats best for you' 'its your fault that xyz' 'youre just not trying hard enough'#cant cry about it bc its just a 'small thing'#and also bc she did 'nothing wrong' so why am i crying#idk man like i cant even explain myself to her#and shes so. 'listen to what i have to say!' when she literally cut me off and wont let me explain my reasons#idk man im gonna sleep it off bc thinking and remembering is making me want to cry but i cant even cry or be annoyed at anything rn#like im just so tired#fuck man and i had stuff i wanted to do today#but yeah i WILL let this one car ride euin my day bc thats easier than trying#guess shes right i dont try hard enough 😃👍#that was meant as half a joke but atp idk anymore
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#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak#who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad#and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur#research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a#bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way#i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit#i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like#i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt#wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide#stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the#predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing#i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh.#i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just#send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel#ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart#ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run#this body into the ground. like the good old days.#unrelated
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I know it's strike days now so there's a huge focus on boosting Palestinian voices, but I just wanted to share that we finally got my mum in to be checked for cancer today and the doctors said there's nothing to worry about! She's in the clear! Mum's gonna be okay! The relief is HUGE you've no idea!!!
#firefly life#just wanted to share this with literally everyone because this is such a huge relief#she was CONVINCED it was bad to point she was talking about chemotherapies and shit#and how she couldn't do that stuff for various reasons and was worrying about what would happen to me if it was bad#because I'm disabled and she takes care of me#and this was all such a fucking mess#I figured out the econsult system and how it actually works with it's misleading messages#(like the 'we are at capacity! please try again at 8am tomorrow morning!' when it's 8:15am.)#(it's just the message they use for everything. they ony actually allow so many people to go through the econsult at a time)#(they're not out of appointments or anything that's just the only message they use for EVERYTHING in case you were wondering)#and now mum's apparently clear!!#do we know what the lump actually is? no. but we know it's not cancer!!! winning!!!#the RELIEF man!!! HUGE!!!#just HAD to share it here too cause it's so important#my mum's okay!!! hooray!!! yippee!!! wahoo!!! :D#one crisis averted today!!!
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it’s finally getting cold enough that i can bring my cardigan collection back into rotation without feeling like i’m gonna melt into a puddle the second i step outside!!!
#Seven.txt#my face#i have rematerialized back out of the void to once again make my once-in-a-blue-moon selfie & life update post#i’m running on 4 hours of restless sleep and the single banana i ate for lunch earlier today. let’s do this#hrrrrg i hate the lighting in my bathroom but i refuse to take pictures in the absolute Mental Illness Disaster Zone™️ that is my bedroom#anyways. got diagnosed with Mystery Pain Syndrome at the dentist today. so now i take ✨steroids✨#the less funny explanation is that my tooth still hurts with pressure nearly a month post-root canal and That’s Not Good#so we’re trying some new medications to see if that fixes it. and if not then who knows. root canal pt.2 the sequel. or extraction. sigh#and so the Dental Saga continues. todays visit went quite well in spite of the unforeseen mystery pain delaying the tooth-shaving plans#we had some time to kill so he managed to fill some of my other tiny cavities while i was there today so that’s good#okay moving on. what else. uhh. OH they finally came out and ran the fiber to the house last week!!! now i’m just waiting on one more-#-guy to come and finish the interior install and the long awaited fast internet will finally be mine eheheheheeeee#now i can feel my hours upon hours of unedited gameplay footage breathing down my neck :)#man i’ve got so much stuff piled up right now. i’m drowning in Tasks and it’s a lil overwhelming but i’ll handle it all! eventually#uhhhhm my current writing project is coming along well! i’ve never put so much time and effort into a oneshot before in my life#its a labor of love though and i think i’m gonna be really proud of myself (and the fic) once it’s complete#even if no one reads it bc it’s so goddamn self indulgent and kinda lowkey throws canon out the window but like. fuck it!#if i want Astarion to write a song on piano and perform it for me while mentally taking me on a trip down memory lane. then so be it#fr though i’ve never written anything quite like this and i rlly want to do it justice. even if its unrealistic i still want it to be Good#in other news i received word that one of the chickens i sponsor at my local Gentle Barn has passed away so i had a lil cry abt that#i feel so bad for his little tiny chicken wife. they obviously loved each other and it’s like. so sad when one half of an old couple dies#like. she pulled him out of his depression after his 1st wife died. now who’s gonna be there to pull Her out…#anyways let’s not get all sad about that again. in happier news my cat who i presumed died/got killed has returned home uninjured!!!#after that huge stray dog chased her into the woods i thought we’d never find or see her again#but then the morning after i started grieving her she showed back up hungry as hell yet completely unharmed like the enigma that she is#so that’s one definite highlight from earlier this month. uhh what else. rapid fire summary of the past few weeks let’s go-#Jersey turned 10! Bullet turned 10! my 6 year Veganniversary happened! i’m approaching 700 days on DuoLingo!#i’ve written more than 20 thousand words! i’ve been facing some fears! fighting my OCD! taking care of myself! (kinda!)#anyways things are far from being all sunshine and roses around here but i’m trying to focus on the good stuff for the most part#for now tho i have a headache and have reached 30 tags so it’s time to go shovel some mashed potatoes into my mouth :)
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I have a lot of mixed feelings about MatPat.
On the one hand, he definitely has a streak of bigotry. The pyro episode really comes to mind on that one, and his refusal to they/them Kris was also not cool, and there have been a lot of other examples here and there.
But he has been getting better. One of his Livestream hosts uses they/them from what I can tell, and I haven't heard any word that he's misgendered them anywhere.
But also, his theories have just been getting lower and lower quality as his channels kinda turned into something one step below a content farm. His Digital Circus theory, for example, he came up with ON GTLive and then just cleaned it up for the episode.
But he was also hosting all four channels. Each channel will have its own host now.
He made a lot of mistakes, but so does everyone.
Am I defending him? I dont know. Do I forgive him? No. Do I honestly care? ...I don't know.
I'm glad he's stepping away. But I'm also gonna miss him.
Like he said in the goodbye video, he was a lot of peoples childhoods. Mine was one of them. He's definitely not the best person nor was he the best influence, but he did help me realize that being a nerd and being passionate are good things. And his passion helped me want to create.
I'm glad he's leaving, but it also feels like my childhood is going with him. One last step towards that all-encompassing 21 in a few months from now.
I'll miss you, Mat. I hope you can continue to grow as a person and support others more in the future. Teach your son what the world failed to teach you when you were younger.
Also read the tags, please, okay Tumblr? Thanks.
#im scared to post this. i know people on here dont like him and i 100% understand why#but i also fear that people assume he can't grow#i may be wrong as ive been staying away from matpat drama but from what ive seen?#mat makes mistakes. then he listens to people when they tell him he fucked up. and he tries to do better.#people forget that hes a person sometimes.#and like i said i could be wrong. there might be evidence out there that hes an evangelical or something#but i havent seen it. i do know about the homophobia and transphobia from the past#but i also know hes apologized and that stuff hasnt really resurfaced#i want him to do better and continue to grow away from the internet#but if im wrong then im wrong.#just please dont harass me for this post okay?#if hes worse than i think he is you can tell me but please dont be mean about it#ive had enough people yelling at me.over this shit recently.#mat if youre SOMEHOW reading this? thanks. your stuff helped me watch to enrich my stories more#give people something to hunt for#you aided my passion#and i wouldnt be who i am today without you man.#so please. keep growing. keep doing better. and i guess i'll see ya when i see ya.#dimond speaks#not maintagging this cuz i dont wanna get killed lol
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i am not in a good mood
#i cant communicate with anybody unless theyre putting in so much effort to understand me. which no one does. except my sister god bless her#i was on my feet all day long today from 10 to fucking 8pm doing errands for her#my legs hurt so bad its midnight now and i finally was able to get back into the room im staying in for this week and just cried and cried#my dad has been saying transphobic things to me all day#and playing his trans violence fucking tiktoks loud as hell so eevryone can hear them in the living room#my mom pointed out all of my grey hair that i just realized i had and also pointed out how i gained so much weight#i want to die right now man#the only good thing thats happened on this trip was how i got to talk to my mom aand update her on my DID stuff because she hasnt fucking#seen a roll call of my system in 5 years so that was nice#but also had a convo about how she lost my diagnostic papers so thats fun#kcposting
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HELLO!!! I love ur whumps can you add me to the general whump tag list?
aaaahh tysm!!!! highkey seeing you in my notes got me opening the Kane & Raiza masterdoc again,,, 👀👀
#*rubbing my lil raccoon hands together*#let’s see what we can FIRE UP#I rly wanna post the next part it’s so angsty ohmygod#we’re nearing Raiza Mental Breakdown O’Clock in a few chaps and agghhh our man is so fucking unstable I love ittt#i’ll add you to the general whump taglist unless you specify otherwise!#you’ll get tagged in two masterlists but it’s the same taglist#had to split it up cuz of tumblrs link limit — too many links oh nooo *victorian fainting pose*#eee!!!!! this ask made me so happy thank uuuu!!!#answered asks#akias asks#if anyones ever asked to be added to the taglist and i’ve missed the notification and haven’t added you pls lmk <33#swear i’ve lost a few of those in the notes so just lmk cuz things get lost sometimes#may be slow w message replies today cuz I got a lot of stuff to do now that i’ve got my meds back and my brain works a lil better#also I do actually want to Post The Comtent so eee
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hate when i realize my hyperfixation is waning because i get all introspective and have emotional whiplash by meeting older hyperfixations on the street
#oops i used to think i had a crush on you but really i was just hyperfixating but the mystery kept me on edge enough#so this hyperfixation might come back any moment if we get back into proper contact#i am talking about actual people because i do that and i hate it#i don't need those moments#apparently i'm having astounding and mature insights but i know in the end i'll do fuck-all with it and it's FRUSTRATING AHAHAH#i could've had a double-old-hyperfixation whammy today but one person didn't come after all (which i'm mad about but psh)#i don't even want to watch the new bts stuff EVEN THOUGH IT'S MERMAID DAY?????#and that's goddamn depressing to me#i want to scream at my silly middle-aged man being a goldfish mermaid but my brain said no you go be depressed now#gotta love the beginnings of hyperfixation limbo (not)#i'm not gonna tag this with my usual tag this is gonna get drowned out at some point
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Did some fucking masterful salesmanship towards the end of my shift that netted the company a big ten-ish quid. All in a day's work.
#basically someone came in looking for a zip for a cropped corset top that her daughter bought#which she had worn once and the zip it came with immediately broke#but my colleague said that we don't sell separating zips that short#and in fact no one does except this one guy in the city centre who makes zips himself#so the customer was very disappointed that she now had to trek all the way into the city#and I said 'what I would do is take the zip out and put in some ribbon in an appropriate colour and sew on some hooks and eyes'#which we have in abundance#so I found her a ribbon that was a good colour match (the top was an olive green satin fabric)#and a packet of silver hooks and eyes and some green embroidery floss#heroically saving her from taking the train into town#and getting the sale for us and not yer man in the city centre#my colleague and the customer were suitably awed by this quick thinking and creative problem solving#and both agreed that hooks and eyes would look much nicer than a horrible old zip#I am going to get a good grade in retail: a thing that is normal to want and possible to achieve#honestly though they are so fucking lucky to have me at [workplace]#I give great customer service and I am very knowledgable in craft-related areas#and the curtain stuff is coming to me!#it's not rocket surgery#I ordered a blind today all by myself using the manufactorer's online portal#although I did get the manager to double check everything before I converted it to an order and booked it in#so that if I had made any mistakes that she had cosigned them lol#but yeah I am such a good little cog in the capitalist machine#of Big Ribbon™#werq bitch
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I have half a tattoo!
#I got all the black and white done today and next time I'll get the colors done#I was originally gonna get it all done today but then I was like nah that's too much lol#plus my artist (as expected and desired) took some creative liberties so it looks fucking awesome#I told him straight up man I trust you to do good work#this is the basics of what I want but I want you to have fun with it cuz ultimately it's your art I'm just the ideas guy#his wife is so cute honestly she made sure he had everything he needed and offered us water and snacks and stuff#but anyways I'm very happy with how this is going and I can't wait to finish it next month#would have done it sooner but he's booked pretty damn solid lol
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#I can't sleep rn because of family drama I found out today 🧍🏻♀️#one of my aunts is contesting my grandma's will and the person who is getting fucked over the most is my dad#she wants a share in our family farm despite never giving a shit & my dad being the only one who loves farming#might never see two of my aunts again 🤪#one of them into qanon and stuff so it's not a huge loss but still#also potentially some of my cousins? idk qanon aunt has 7 kids but they're all adults now#some of them I will very surprised (& heartbroken) if they take their mom's side but idk idk#also the whole thing is stupid she apparently requested my grandpa will too like. that man has been dead since before I was born 😐#there's no way you're going to be to contest that#also shockingly oldest aunt is on our side (dad and Uncle). she once told my grandma to stop spending their inheritance so 🥴#my dad's side of my family is crazy I surprised they've made it this long without a rift#my grandparents literally tried to pay off my one aunts boyfriend lmao#same aunt who's contesting the will btw#she has issues ngl my grandparents didn't name her for weeks bc they wanted a boy 🙃#but like she's 60 now & has a phd in psychology & her parents are dead! very very dead!#and she's taking it out on her brothers so#she's been trying to do this for years & told my mom as much when my dad was hospital 🧍🏻♀️#also other qanon aunt is backing her up and she's got issues too#when her partner died she made their FOURTEEN YEAR OLD son the next of kin#my cousin had his dad autopsy addressed to him at 14 let that sink in#my grandma ended up organising and funding the whole funeral pretty much because my aunt refuse to do any of it because she was made at him🙃#they had seven kids & she nearly didn't go to the funeral#it was really traumatic for them (obviously) and she made it worse. my cousin was handed the Irish flag at 11 w/o being told#my mom had to take him away bc how obviously broken he was#I should stop talking about this now#I might delete this later idk#bella talks
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#august living#me chanting to myself on this t d ov#its ok to have dysphoria its ok to have dysphoria its ok to have dysphoria#bc i put an outfit that was kinda against school rules but vry much for the euphoria of it all together today#and then i did some fun more like metal head masc type makeup when i got home bc we got let out early#bc the building our schools in had the water shut off at lunch for maintenance#so i felt rlly fucking Man today and like. in a way that is so so so so close. so close. to how i wanna be.#that now that its later and ive taken and posted selfies and can look at them and go hes right there. hes right fucking there.#im having a dysphoria flare#god. god!! i haven't gone to any dr since my last check up for last years seizure#i haven't seen my gp in. like 2. years#the thought of seeing her and being like yes my records do say i had a medical event im here for gender tho.#is so fucking daunting.#but finding a new dr for gender sounds. worse.#the thought of diying is not a distant one but i know who i am and i wont keep track of like labs or other shit like that by myself#i want to not be a coward with medical stuff but i am!! i am and i hate it!! its ruining my fucking life and i cant fucking stop it
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Ohh no.
#ignore#clownery ahead#i may be fucked. this concert and this whole trip has like solidified my feelings for my best friend.#like before they were like there and i knew and it was def growing bc of living together and stuff#but i was getting on top of it and being careful and smart about it. ive done it before and everything#but man this whole thing. the way we've interacted#its a level of comfortability we havent really done before.#idfk why maybe bc of like natural progression of friendship idk#i wrapped my arm around her shoulder more today than i probably have in my whole life#we were so touchy at the concert bc yknow we're having fun dancing and singing and stuff. sitting close to each other#but the way my insides go crazy at every touch. whether its her touching my arm with the back of her hand to get my attention and resting#it there for a moment. or the hug we had after the concert that was so fucking strong bc we were both emotional.#i go wild inside im like a fool. all butterflies and warmth and that shit#thats not good to feel about my best friend and roommate 😐 and i know and i gotta work on it and find some solution.#but bro if we keep being this touchy. like if this is just how our friendship is now.#it will be the best and worst thing to happen. because it feels amazing but it will never progress further and god do i want it to#and i gotta stop being jealous abt every dumb guy. its bc of insecurity and i know it. i instantly compare myself in the most painful way#every time she talks abt her crush it hurts so much and i gotta stop myself from thinking those thoughts or lamenting that she will never#talk that way about me or feel that way about me#fuck this is gonna be a rough one#but i am still choosing to not let that tarnish the amazing time i had seeing taylor swift. she was the first artist i ever wanted to see#in concert bc she was like the first artist i ever became a fan of as a lil 6 year old#and i finally got to see her and it was incredible and i wish it had never ended#(and it wouldnt have been as amazing as it was if she hadnt come with me)
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Let’s play, “was I abused” game! Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you’re not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)
(I found this and thought I might as well do this to help myself with denial later!! obvious abuse tw!! also I have a lot of stuff that came from outside the house too, but this is like. parent stuff yeah idk!!)
Physical abuse
parent slapped me to prove their point/teach me a lesson
parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good
parent pulled on my hair to force me to move
parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me
parent trapped me into a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them
parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them/tried to confront them
parent used a twig/stick/belt to lash at my body
parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them
parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping
parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life
parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries
parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say
parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat
parent made an attempt at strangling/drowning/burning me
parent banged my head/body into the wall/furniture
parent forced me into sexual activities
Emotional abuse
parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once
parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice
parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun
parent insulted and devalued something really important to me
parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me
parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once
parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault
parent shamed me for my physical appearance
parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough
parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all
parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I got hurt from their insults
parent never comforted me/got angry if I reached for comfort
parent punished me for crying/showing fear/showing trauma symptoms
parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness
parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter
parent got angry at me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal
parent blamed me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal
parent compared me to cousins/other children to prove how I’m the worst
parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them
parent told me that I was crazy/delusional/need to be locked away
parent threatened me with kicking me out/sending away if I don’t change
parent refused to accept my sexuality/tried to force it to change (gender but same deal)
parent required for me to act normal to protect family’s reputation
parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy
parent assured me that nobody will ever want me
parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse
parent made me responsible for their well being and made me the caretaker
parent insisted that their harmful acts were all made “out of love”
parent demanded me to be available for their requests at any time
parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries
parent destroyed my belongings as a revenge
parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence
parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me
Psychological Abuse
parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I wont achieve anything
parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks
parent would change their side of the agreement in crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start
parent stalked me/distrusted me without any reason/invaded my privacy
parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument
parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched me do it
parent threatened to leave me
parent accused me regularly of behaving the way they did
parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions
parent always demanded they are right without any proof/explanation
parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof
parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me
parent gaslighted me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did
Neglect
parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly
parent didn’t notice I was sick/didn’t care for me while I was sick
parent didn’t notice I was injured
parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes/shoes I needed for school
parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma
parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed
parent didn’t notice I was depressed
parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself
parent didn’t notice I was suicidal
parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused
parent didn’t notice I was being bullied
parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed
parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care
parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive (hardly even that)
when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it
Financial Abuse
parent made me feel ashamed for needing money
parent made me feel like I’m a financial burden to them
parent only gave me minimal money to survive
parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me
parent took the money I earned from me
parent used the money to blackmail me
parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions
parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything
parent refused to get my medicine/get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves
parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not
parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity
parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age
parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them
#oh man uh. hm.#literally im not kidding TODAY my parents told me I had it so easy compared to them#like. okay. you didnt hit me#congrats on that im sure that was so hard for you?? but like. that doesnt erase the everything else.#they literally started talking about the abuse they went through as kids and I was just like. I cant participate in this conversation.#and then my dad said its because I had it easier and im like. yeah sure well pretend thats why haha#anyway thank you emotional amnesia for allowing me to do this post easily. you suck but ily xx#also there was nothing for *dragging me through the house to get me to do what they wanted* but thats okay ig#also idk what forcefully undressing me and shoving me into shower classifies as either#so like. yk. there is some physical stuff too its just idk what to call either of those#oh also for the food one its bc I was allergic to the stuff they were feeding me and I told them that but they didnt listen!!#so pretty epic double whammy there#OH AND my mom would tell me after every fight *you better not be telling people about this*#to the point that I stopped telling people because I was scared she would find it and freak out#alsoalso the only reason she knew I was sh-ing was because she read my texts and then she demanded me to tell her everything about it#so she could *help me* or whatever. and then she promptly never brought it up again as if it never happened#so a lot of weird as fuck shit idk#also the way she checked my texts to make sure I was okay but didnt notice me being groomed online lol#and instead just taunted me about the crush I had that she found out about through that. fucking. okay.#okay thats enough oversharing I will just hit post now hehe
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