#bc i put an outfit that was kinda against school rules but vry much for the euphoria of it all together today
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#august living#me chanting to myself on this t d ov#its ok to have dysphoria its ok to have dysphoria its ok to have dysphoria#bc i put an outfit that was kinda against school rules but vry much for the euphoria of it all together today#and then i did some fun more like metal head masc type makeup when i got home bc we got let out early#bc the building our schools in had the water shut off at lunch for maintenance#so i felt rlly fucking Man today and like. in a way that is so so so so close. so close. to how i wanna be.#that now that its later and ive taken and posted selfies and can look at them and go hes right there. hes right fucking there.#im having a dysphoria flare#god. god!! i haven't gone to any dr since my last check up for last years seizure#i haven't seen my gp in. like 2. years#the thought of seeing her and being like yes my records do say i had a medical event im here for gender tho.#is so fucking daunting.#but finding a new dr for gender sounds. worse.#the thought of diying is not a distant one but i know who i am and i wont keep track of like labs or other shit like that by myself#i want to not be a coward with medical stuff but i am!! i am and i hate it!! its ruining my fucking life and i cant fucking stop it
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