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agentsoftie · 4 years

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Sleepless Nights ( S.R ) p.2

summary: Y/N and Reid aren’t the most fond of each other. So what happens when sleep, have to share a bed, and get married?

pairing: Y/N x Spencer Reid

a/n: a/n: AHH okay so here it is! It’s my first au so it’s probably not the best. But big thanks to @anepiphany! Ani baby none of this would be happening without you! Thank you for you tips and making me not go insane! Also pls tell me if I slept something wrong cuz like, your girl not the best when it comes to it. Also there will def be a loophole somewhere in my case and if you find one, just let it slide because life is filled with loopholes ❤️ also this is gonna be a two parter! ( this is the second part )

warnings: mentions of a case, angst and blood (the smallest amount), fluff really though

also if you want to be in my permanent taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!

Remember to like and reblog

“So today happened,” you say while you got into bed.

Yeah, today happened. So, I guess we're gonna do this thing huh,”

Wait, is he asking me out? you think to yourself. No dumbass of course he isn't. He's talking about the event thing. you say to yourself mentally. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“So, sleep huh.” He asked awkwardly.

“What?”

“You know, sleep. Like us, together. No, wait t-that came out wrong. I meant like we’re gonna sleep, but ike together on the same bed. But if you're not tired then we-” He got cut off by you when you grabbed his arm. Immediately he looked down at your hand and then up. He looked like he had just seen a ghost and gotten an A in a class you were failing at, at the same time.

“Breathe, just breathe. How ‘bout you take a shower huh.” You say in an airy voice while still holding onto his arm.

“Uh, okay. Yeah, a shower. That sounds good.” He said, forcing you to let go of his hand.

-------

It takes him 10 minutes to finish taking his shower. Tonight he comes out wearing another pair of basketball shorts and another tee. It really makes you wonder if all he goes to sleep in is a pair of shorts and a tee. Like really Reid come on. You have money, use it on some proper pj’s. Although you're one to argue wearing another pair of shorts and a loose crop top.

“You said last night that there was no hot water so it took you ten minutes, well this time there still was and it again still (italicize) took you ten minutes. Like what the fuck!”

“I'm not really one for hot water. But my statement last night still remains true, you took up the hot water.”

“ Reid, this is a hotel. They almost always have hot water running.”

“Okay well, I don’t care!”

“I thought you were supposed to be the smart one.”

“Ha, so you admit it!”

“Admit what?”

“That I’m smarter than you!”

“Well in certain areas, yes,” you said in an annoyed tone. He was smirking at your struggle for answering. “Ugh, can we just go to sleep.” You say not wanting to continue this conversation.

--------

You woke up to the sound of rain pouring outside. The skies were as gray as a child on a monday. You felt something on your stomach and to your surprise that feeling was a man known as Dr. Spencer freaking Reid. He was laying on you with his head right under your chin. You were holding his hand and your legs were intertwined with his again. You can't remember what happened last night to lead up to this, but what's done is done. The person you've been pining over for the last 3 years was here laying on you and looking like a fucking god.

Your phone started to ring causing him to wake up.

“Emily? Oh, okay yeah, I'll be there in 20.” She told you to go to the address that she had sent you. Saying to bring Reid with you to get your outfits for tonight. “Reid, come on we gotta go.” You say looking down at the art that was placed in front of you.

“No, I don't wanna leave. I just wanna sleep.” You had never seen this side to him before. So soft and sweet. Was the universe trying to make you fall for him? If so, then it was working.

“No come on, we have to get our outfits for tonight. We have to get ready and eat something. So come on, get up.” you say trying to get up but failing because he holds you back.

“No. sleep.” He mumbles half awake.

“Spencer, how ‘bout this. How about you sleep for a little until I take a shower and stuff. Then you can get up.”

“Okay, fine.” And with that he was out, leaving you go gaze over the literal form of perfection.

------

“Y/L/N how long does it take to get changed?” Reid yelled.

“Oh will you shush!”

“Geez, no need to get so mean.”

“Iswear I will backhand you so hard if you don't shut up!” You say while walking out. And at the sight of seeing you he was speechless. Staring at you like you had something stuck in your teeth. “What?” You say looking down at your black floor length gown.

“No n-nothing. It's just-”

“Just what?”

“You look good in that dress.”

You looked down immediately after he said that fearing he would see the blush. He did. “Yeah well, you look good too.” you say while moving your hands after the redness was gone.

“I know.” He said, smirking causing you to make a sarcastic face.

“Okay, well we have to go now or Hotch will literally kill us.”

“You. He’ll kill you.” He says while walking out of the door.

“And you would just love that, wouldn't you.” You say following him out.

————

“Reid, you have your gun?”Hotch askes.

“Yes.” He said.

“Wait, where should I put mine?” You ask while holding your gun.

“Oh, you see, you're not going to have one.” JJ says while taking your gun away slowly.

“Then what the hell am i going to use as self defence?”

“You're a badass, you'll figure it out.” Emily says suggestively.

“Damn straight.” You say smiling causing her and JJ to laugh. Reid was not impressed.

“Okay, these glasses have a secret video camera in them sending footage to Garcia once you turn it on. So whatever you do, don't take these off.” Hotch says while handing Reid a pair of glasses that match his suit. “And Y/L/N this is your “wedding ring.” It has a video camera in the diamond so try to keep your hand up and try to make it as visible to people as possible.” He says while handing you the ring.

“Okay you're married, so act like it!” Rossi says before you two leave.

“Yeah, you both better be so in love it makes someone sick.” Emily adds.

“Yes mom. Yes dad.” You say jokingly.

“Okay and before you go, here are your earpieces. And we’ll be near the building if anything happens.” JJ says.

-------

“Y/N, put your left hand on Spencer’s arm.” Garcia says through the earpiece. And you did exactly that. “Okay, now be affectionate.”

“Pen how should we do that.” You say while looking at Reid so it looked like you were talking to someone.

“I don't know? Spencer, kiss her.”

And then bam! Before you knew it, his lips were on yours. You didn't know how to react. He wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you in making the kiss even stronger. You then put your hands in his hair and pulled at it a little. And at that moment it was as if the world stopped. As if time froze and fireworks went off. And then all of a sudden he pulled away and you looked down.

“Cherry or Strawberry?” He asks as if nothing just happened.

“I uh- strawberry.”

“Pardon me, but I couldn't help but notice that beautiful ring.” Says a guy approaching you.

“Oh thank you! It's very gorgeous isn't it!”You say while looking down at the ring then bringing your hand up.

“But not as gorgeous as you honey.” Reid says while looking at you. Oh god the things he did to your heart.

“Oh, uh how rude of me not to introduce myself. Im Ryan. Ryan Carson.” He says while holding out his hand for both of you to shake.

“Im Y/N Reid and this is my husband Spencer Reid.” You say while shaking his hand after Reid, as always, refused to. Y/N Reid had a nice ring to it, although you would never change your last name. But it sure had a nice ring to it which both you and Reid noticed.

“How long?” Ryan asked.

“3 months.”I said.

“When did you know?”

“The first time she read me The Fault In Our Stars. It was 2 something in the morning and I couldn't sleep so she read it to me. And I just couldn't stop thinking that this is the girl I’m gonna marry.” Reid said. Although that of course never happened, your heart wanted to explode. Right after he said that you kissed him on the cheek. He immediately turned red, but you didn't say anything.

“Wow. That’s just, wow.” Ryan said.

“Guys I think this guy is our friend Thomas. Well not think, know. He looks exactly the same. So make sure to play into his tactics or whatever. Therapy must cost a lot for you sweet children.” Garcia says.

“You know, I’m gonna propose to my girlfriend soon. Would you two help me pick out a ring?”

“What do you think Spenny?” You ask in a joking tone. Spenny, that was one you never used. You liked it, did so did he.

“Well, I think that it’s an amazing idea baby.”

You could see the anger in his eyes. The anger you get before taking a life. You could see that all he wanted to do was end your lives right then and there. Honestly you two could go into acting if all this death gets too heavy for you.

“Great! Then follow me right this way.” He says while leading you to the elevator. The ride was fairly quick but the entire time Reid had his and around your waist pulling you close to him. Oh god the things you would do to have him.

“Here’s my room.” he says while gesturing to you two to go in first. You saw two chairs and then heard the door slam behind you. You jumped at the sound and turned around to see him standing there with a gun pointing that both of you. “You don't want your wife to die a painful death, go sit down on the chair.” And he did exactly that. “Now you too bitch.” he says while pointing the gun at you. And you did exactly what he said.

“What do you want!” You yell at him while he ties you up.

“I want your happiness to end. If I can't have it, then how can you?”

“The world doesn't revolve around you!” And then before you knew it there was blood coming from your arm and a door kicked open.

“Y/N!” Spencer yells.

-------

“I’m okay, really I’m fine.” You say to the paramedic wrapping your arm.

“No you’re not! You got shot!” Spencer says.

“Okay well how about I leave you two along for a bit huh.” And with that the paramedic was gone.

“Oh look, you scared the paramedic.” You say while throwing your hands in the air.

“Okay and you scared me.”

“Spencer, I got shot. It happens.”

“Yes Y/N I know but it could have hit an artery and make you bleed out. I could have lost you. Why dont see that. If you die who am I gonna mentaly torture, who am I gonna talk to my mom about, who am I gonna love? I've already lost so much, I can't lose you too. I love you.”

“You love me?”

And just like that he grabbed you and put his lips on yours. You immediately put your hands in his hair and pulled hard, he didn't care though. He pulled you closer to him, making you come back with 10 times more force than before. You pulled apart due to lack of oxygen and he put his head against yours after catching his breath.

“Does that answer your question?” He says softly.

This time you kiss him. Not as aggressive as last time though. This was a small, yet equally as meaningful kiss. “I love you too.”

“I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly then all at once” – John Green

————

taglist: @ghostly-angelic, @marshmallowtraver, @heartbroken-writer, @yllwtaxi, @yeah-just-ignore-me-thanks, @theamuz, @guessthatswhyiliveinhell, @alli1902, and @kaybeeboop

#criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #reader x spencer reid #spencer reid #thanks to ani though #none of this would be happening without her #so thank you ani baby 🥺💕#mira writes

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marvelmymarvel · 5 years

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Aim For My Heart

Part 6/15

Lewis Nixon x Sniper!Marshall!Reader

Synopsis: As a Female Snipper for Easy company, you certainly do get a lot of attention, but the only attention you want is from Lewis Nixon. In the deadly mix called love in a war in which you had no business being in, will you and Lew make it out alive

Trigger Warning: Mentions of abuse, angry Lew

September 20th, 1944

You ducked your head, rushing back from the firefight that you all just encountered. You were just minding your own business on top of the tank when a Lieutenant got shot by a sniper in front of you. Bullets whizzed past as you heard Dick screaming for all of you to retreat. “KEEP LOW, KEEP MOVING” He screamed “LET’S GO LET’S GO” you smirked at him as you got behind the tank that just fired at the enemy. “Man. I only killed 10″ you whispered out jokingly. You saw Lew approach as Winters pushed you behind him. Cocking your gun you winked at him. Blood all over your face, you looked insane, and he loved it... “How bad?” Lew asked Dick “I don't know yet” Dick answered, you looked down to grab another round when you heard a ding from beside you. Lew flew to the ground and your whole body froze as your blood ran cold. “LEW!” You and Dick screamed as you both rushed over to him, Dick grabbed him to help him sit up as you grabbed his head, looking for any sign of bleeding.

“I’m alright, I’m alright” he began to say but the look on your face made him stop “Am I alright,” he asked up at you as your finger ran through his hair. No blood came back “Yeah you’re alright” Dick whispered. “Then quit looking at me like that” Lew gruffly replied as Dick let go of him. Turning towards you, you threw yourself into his arms. Tackling him back down to the ground. It scared you half to death and he knew it. If the same thing would have happened to you, he would move heaven and earth to get to you. “We have to move out” Dick stated and you nodded before lifting your head. Kissing Lew deeply you felt better. “Don't you ever scare me like that again Nixon” you snarled playfully and he nodded before sitting up. “You’re okay right?? Please tell me this isn't your blood” Lew whispered as he observed your neck where the blood was. You shook your head before grabbing his hand, “Its not mine... Let's get out of here Lew” you whispered before standing up to haul him away. Grabbing his helmet with the grazed indent, you shook your head at him. “This is a sign that you deserve to live in case you were doubting it” you grumbled up at him as you two climbed into a truck. He shook his head before pulling you back into his side. Minutes passed as you watched the firey town disappear into the distance. “You are” he stated firmly and you grew confused at that. “You’re the sign that I deserve to live” he whispered down at you and you just smiled brightly. The next day, you were all retreating. You couldn't say it out loud, but you were silently grateful. It would have been one hell of a fight. And missing it was fine by you.

October 17th, 1944

You were snuggled up under Lew in the dark confines of your little bedroom. “Lew. Y/N” Winters called out, you groaned realizing it was about time to get up. “Come on. Sink wants us back at Regiment” Richard started as he opened the curtain. You moaned from the light as you blinked up at Dick. You pulled your still slightly wounded arm from Lews hair, where you held him to your chest. “Morning Dick” You whispered as you put one hand on Lew's shoulder to push him off of you. He had a steel-like grip around your waist and his face was still smashed into your chest. “Lew come on” you purred as Dick reached for the container, “I’ll get him up Dick” You stated quickly and he looked at it, realizing he was about to dump piss over you both. He winked before walking away “Be down in 10″ he called out before leaving. You sighed as you ran your hand down his back softly, “Come on honey” you cooed sweetly. “Five more minutes baby” he grumbled and you just chuckled before kissing his head. Ever since October 5th, when a bullet grazed your arm, Lew has been sleeping like this. Holding you tight, not wanting to let you go. You were safe in the bed, in his arms. Out there was where you were in danger, where he may not come home with you. You pulled from him and he groaned as his face was now met with blinding lights. He laid on his back and you straddled his waist. Drawing on his chest, you watched him lovingly as he rubbed the hangover away. Pulling his hand away, he just looked up at you. A small smile formed on his mouth and you cocked your head, “What” you whispered. He sat up to meet your lips halfway as he placed his hand on your back, holding you close to his chest as he deepened the kiss. He pulled away before you could go further and you just sighed but he opened his mouth to explain the reason he was staring at you. “Just thinking how beautiful you are” he whispered, voice still thick and groggy as he pecked your lips, then jaw, then your neck. He kept kissing down your left arm before reaching your lower bicep, near the elbow, where the wound was still healing. Pressing his lips to it softly, your heart melted. Mornings like this were always your favorite. This was the side of Lew that no one got to see, and it was heaven. “How does it feel? Any better?” He pressed and you nodded. While it had been 12 days since the risky mission, it was still sore, but gradually got better and better every day. “Its good honey, now come on... We have to get up.”

You got him down and to the jeep just in time and Dick smiled as you shoved your grouchy boyfriend into the front seat. “Thank you Private Marshall” he nodded at you as you climbed into the back seat and behind Lew, “Anytime Cap” you whispered before leaning forward and kissing the back of Lews hair. The car ride was short, with regiment only being 3 minutes away. You and Dick talked about your wound, which he still apologized profusely for. You shook your head and touched his arm reassuringly, “Dick... It happened. Wasn’t your fault” you whispered. Lew turned around right then and began his rant. “I mean. We’re the only unit in the group that’s got the Germans on the German side of the Rhine. If we’d have taken Antwerp, and I’m not saying that would have been easy, we would be over the river, well supplied, and have the krauts on their heels.” While Lew’s rant was smart, Dick wasn't really listening and you just watched Lew in remorse. “Now if I can just get Ike on the phone. Are you listening to me?” He interjected himself once he realized Dick wasn't listening. The jeep stopped and Dick stepped out. “Hangin on to every word” he stated before walking to the door. Lew looked back at you and you just smiled sweetly. Leaning forward, you pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, “I was listening to you” you whispered as you both got out of the jeep. Someone stopped you to talk and Lew went inside before you. Talking to the young private took 2 minutes of your time before you could get away from him. Walking inside you saw, what you thought was a British intelligence officer, discussing plans with Lew. They all turned to you and you smiled brightly at them. They were all drinking coffee and you rolled your eyes at the size of the cup Lew was holding. The officer eyed you and smirked, “And who is this pretty little dove” He stated as he turned facing you fully. You flushed in embarrassment but still smiled. Lew glared at the officer as he approached you. “Private Marshall Sir” You greeted before extending your hand to shake his. The man smiled and took your hand, bringing it up to his lips you looked from him to Lew with a strange look. He kissed your knuckles and looked back up at you right as your eyes snapped back down to his. “Names David Dobie, Colonel David Dobie of the British 1st Airborne... The British don't have any women in their airborne” he started as he looked you up and down slowly, “But I may just have to bring it up” he smirked at you. “Nice to meet you, Colonel...” You whispered awkwardly “If you’ll excuse me... Lew” you called out as you pulled your shaky hand from the officer and walked over to your boyfriend who looked like he was about to punch the Colonel. Which was not what you wanted. You wrapped an arm around his waist right as Colonel Sink came back in “Ah! Y/n! Colonel have you met Miss Marshall?” Sink asked as he patted your back, Dobie figured out the situation between you and Lew by the way you grabbed onto his waist and the way his arm was slung over your shoulders. Dobie looked at Lew’s face. He saw the nasty glare being thrown his way and he cleared his throat. “Yes... Colonel Sink, I did” he began, Sink walked away and Dobie leaned forward “I did not know she was your girlfriend Mate... My apologies” Dobie said quietly to Lew. He nodded apologetically at you both. You smiled kindly and Lew just nodded angrily. “Miss Marshall” another private called out, you sighed before turning in Lew's grasp, “Have fun, Lew. I’m gonna get a ride back with Winters though.” you stated before walking towards the private who held a letter out. “Shall we discuss plans” Dobie interjected Lew's trance and he nodded. You opened the letter and told the private a quiet thank you as you began to read it.

‘My dearest Y/n,

I am so lost without you here by my side. I understand we got off on the wrong foot, but I cannot stand how we ended. You mean the world to me. You are my moon and stars. You are the thing that I love the most.-’

Lew noticed your face fall but he was pulled back into the plans. You kept reading, but you wished you would have stopped.

‘- If you will let me, I wish to show you how much I truly miss you and how much I truly cannot live without you. Either way... I’ll be waiting for you when you get back home..... I’ll always be waiting.....

Love,

Johnny’

You let go of a breath that you didn't know you were holding. “Ready to go Y/n?” Winters asked and you just looked around before folding the letter up. Your breathing was shaky but you nodded. “Dick, I’m still waiting to write citations on that five October operation, I need your report” Sink began and you just swallowed before rubbing at your arm in remembrance of that fight. “Light a fire under it, Dick. Y/n” Sink stated and your head snapped up “Yes sir” you whispered out, Lew's head snapped back to you and he grew concerned at how you looked. You were pail and distant, but he couldn't do anything about it. “Aid Dick in the writing of the report, and you stay out of trouble missy. One more wound and your father will have my neck” you nodded quickly at that “Sir” you and Dick both stated before he turned and you followed him out. The letter still gripped in your hand. All of the memories came crashing down.

You were just sitting there. Listening to Dick type away on the typewriter. Your fingers ran along your wound, it was almost just a scar now but you still thought it was ugly. Lew promised you that you were still beautiful, but you hated it. “Y/n” Dick called out, your head snapped up to his and he just stared at you knowingly. You moved your hand from the wound and stood up from your spot, “What can I do to help you Cap” you stated strongly to mask the shakiness that ran through you. The letter. Johnny. He was toxic and scared you..... And he'd be waiting for you. “Nothing Private... Just wanted to ask you how I should word your injury....” Dick stated as he looked at you. You knew that if word got to your father that the reason you got hurt was Dick, he would be demoted immediately. While it wasn't solely on Dick, that wouldn't matter to your father, you both knew that. “Just state that I was hit by a stray bullet” you started. He sighed before rubbing his face, “That would be lying” he started but you just shook your head, “That would be telling the truth, Dick... I’m sorry Captain, but you did not shoot me, therefore... you are not at fault. Now write that sentence and only that sentence... And we will leave it at that.” you stated firmly and he nodded. “Mind if I have a smoke Captain?” You asked and he stared at you long and hard. He knew that if Nix found you smoking and that he allowed it, he would be dead. But you helped him so much today... “Yeah, go ahead Private” He stated and you smiled softly at him. You turned to go sit down as you grabbed the cigarette from your pocket,. You lit it as you started to relive the moment. The truth was, Dick had you run with him as you were the best shot in the Company, it wasn't something Lew wanted, and that upset him. But it was the best chance you all had. You shot 5 dead alongside Dick before one of their bullets sliced through your flesh directly above the elbow, right as the other men from Easy came up. You staggered back in pain and Dick then realized the mistake he just made. You sat down, rubbing your wound softly as you listened to the clacking of the typewriter once more. Exhaling some smoke you were thrown back into the memory. After the battle, you sat with Roe as he cleaned up your wound. You were lucky it didn't break anything important... Blah blah blah. You tuned Roe out and your eyes widened as you saw Lew coming through to find you or Dick. “Hey..... Lew” you called out softly. He whirled around, face going pale as he saw Eugene's hands going to work on your bleeding arm. You were fine, he knew that. But seeing you being worked on in general made his heartbreak into a million pieces.

You heard Lew's voice cut through the air but you kept staring at the wall in front of you. “Hey, Dick!” He hollered out while looking over towards you, you looked up at him before pulling the cigarette away from your lips. Exhaling the white smoke into the air he cocked his head at you, “No” he mouthed towards you and you rolled your eyes before extinguishing the cigarette. Lew of all people wanted to break the habit that you formed while overseas. He said how your father wouldn't approve of him if he let you do such things. What your daddy didn't know, though, wouldn’t hurt him. Just like Johnny. The thought crossed your mind and you gulped at it. “Finish your novel yet?” he asked while turning back to Dick. “That's a lot of homework” Lew whispered and you watched as Heyliger came up as well. “Have fun today princess?” he whispered as he walked over and pecked your head. “And I thought executive officer was supposed to be a fun job.” Heyliger teased and Lew whirled around, eyeing the young boy next to Dick. “Who are you?” Lew asked “Lew” you whispered harshly as you came up to his side. Grabbing onto his arm, you rested your head on it. It was a long day of helping Dick spell and word things correctly. But most importantly, it’s been a long day without Lew. “Zielinski, Sir” the boy stated. While he was around your age, he felt younger than that. “Who is he?” Lew pressed. “Lewis” you hissed before slapping his chest. “Zielinski, my orderly” Dick stated and you knew this was gonna go south. Lew whistled and you sighed before letting him go. Walking over to the little window, you looked out of it as the two intelligence officers gave Dick hell for having help. “Black, no sugar” “You don't need coffee Lew” you called out but the orderly didn't listen to you. All that for two pages? Guess that means that's gonna take a while” Lew stated as he walked over to the chair beside where you were standing. You looked down at the papers in his hands and rolled your eyes at his comment. “Yeah, it is, you want a job?” Dick asked and Lew chuckled before looking up at you “There it is” he laughed out before grabbing your wrist lightly and pulling you onto his lap. “I think somebody wishes he were back in charge of “Easy Company”, Moose,” Lew stated as he put the papers in his shirt pocket before wrapping an arm firmly around your waist. Your eyes were drooping and you were getting tired. “Are you two just here to gloat?” Dick asked and you nodded at that. “Seems so” you called out and Lew rolled his eyes at you before patting your hip. “No just rub it in a little bit. Moose is gonna lead his first mission as company commander” Lew continued and you whispered out congrats, but you didn't feel like he deserved it. While Moose was a good man, you missed Winters. “Operation Pegasus is set to go off” Heyliger began, “I thought I might give you the heads up.” You ran your hands through Lew’s hair as Moose and Dick discussed the plans. Looking at him you gave him a big pout, “Can we go to bed now” you whined out quietly through your pout. He nodded before kissing you softly. You stood and so did Lew, “Dick” Lew started as you grabbed his hand softly, “Easy’s in good hands.” Dick thought it over as you looked between the three. “Yeah. Yeah, right, well, hang tough.” Dick stated and you tugged at Lew's hand. “I could say the same to you” Moose stated as he stuck out his hand. Lew nodded at you and you started towards the stairs, “Good luck, Moose” Dick stated as he shook his hand. “Captain, Private” Moose nodded at Lew then you as he passed and went down the stairs. “Can I go sleep now Dick?” you called out to Dick and he nodded “Thank you.” he whispered and you nodded at him and then Lew before you started down the stairs to let Lew and Dick talk alone if needed. The colder air of October hit your cheeks as you let out a breath. The fresh air filled your lungs and for a brief second, you forgot about the letter. “Hey honey” Lew called out from behind you as he exited the house. You turned and smiled at him, but it faltered when you saw him holding the letter. Reading it. “Who's Johnny” he stated firmly as he realized it was a love letter. You swallowed thickly, memories of Johnny surfaced in your brain and you tried to fight them back down. The silence disturbed him and he let out an angry laugh like scoff while looking to the side. Your eyes widened as you realized what he was thinking. “And here I was thinking I was something special.” he pressed as he angrily slammed the letter into your hand. You were frozen by the anger. Past experiences told you to not push an angry man around. Past experiences, whispered in your ear, to run. But you couldn't. You caught hold of yourself as you whirled around “Lew wait” you hollered as you jogged up to his angry form that was storming to the house you stayed in. “Lew, can we talk about this.” You started as you grabbed at his arm. “What are we gonna talk about. Hmm? That you lied to me? That you have a boyfriend back in the states? Did I even mean ANYTHING to you?!” He screamed at you in the middle of the street.

You broke away as you shut down. Some men stopped and stared, but none stepped in. Typical. Your lip quivered as he just shook his head at you “You’re pitiful for thinking I wouldn't find out Y/n” He snarled before pulling away again, turning to once more towards the house. Your heart broke into a million pieces, but you felt the bubbling up in your throat. Stepping forward the words fell from your lips quietly, but he heard you loud and clear. “He abused me” you called out. His form stopped and he turned slowly to face you. You were 10 feet away from him, but you felt his energy change as he realized why you shut down and couldn't talk. It wasn't because you were hiding something... “Shit” he whispered before walking towards you. You stepped back in fear as you inhaled sharply, making him stop in his tracks. You couldn't talk, because he scared you.

Panic flew through Lew’s veins as he saw you begin to cry in fear and sadness, he wanted to hold you. But you were afraid of him. “How could you” you whispered sharply making him realize everything that he just did to you, with just a few words. “I would NEVER cheat on you Lewis Nixon” you began angrily. Your tears rolled down your face like rivers, all he wanted to do was take you in, whisper a million apologies, and make sure you never felt that same fear you felt what your ex ever again. But he fucked up. He stepped forward but you stumbled back, your hand went to your wound and he knew you were feeling vulnerable. “Y/n” he whispered and you just picked up the letter that fell on the ground from your guys' outburst. Your sobbing made his heartbreak as you gripped onto the letter tightly. “All I know is” you whimpered out to him, “My ex was the worst person and he did things to me that make war crimes seem childish....” you stated as you stepped closer. His mind reeled at how one man could have hurt you so much but he stopped the thoughts as the anger that coursed through him, made him want to punch someone. You stood before him. You acted strong. But your lip quivering in fear told him otherwise. “So I hope... That you won't be like him” you whispered before pushing past him. You covered your mouth, hiding the sob that rose up your throat, but he heard it. He also heard your heart shattering into a million different pieces. “What have I done” he whispered to himself as he rubbed his face and jaw. He looked back as you entered the house you and the Captains were staying in. Something told him though. That he would be sleeping alone.

You laid fast asleep on the bed. Sitting down next to you, he wiped your hair from your face. Some strands stuck as your tears were dried and caked onto your cheeks. He sighed before pulling the blanket up to your neck. When you woke, he would apologize profusely. While he didn't deserve your forgivance. He still loved you, and he would try to win you back. He shut the lamp off and walked towards the door, he opened it quietly, but it woke you. “Lew” you called out. He stopped in his tracks as he looked back at your form. You were sitting up in the darkness, your hair was a mess from what he could see. But the sniffle you let out made his heart lurch. “Yes, baby girl?” He whispered out as he felt his mouth go dry. He did this. He made you feel this pain. He hated himself. “Why aren't you sleeping with me” you whimpered out. Truth be told, you slept in the same bed and expected him to come in..... But he never did. “I didn't... I didn’t know..... I’m afraid” he started quietly as he stepped back into the room. Closing the door, he walked over to the end of the bed as you reached out for his hand. Grabbing it softly, you pulled him to climb in. He was cautious. He didn't want to set you off again. He couldn't handle it. But you did something remarkable. You wrapped your arm around his waist as he laid down, cuddling your head up into his neck, you kissed it softly. “I forgive you Lew” you whispered, you understood where he thought you were cheating and when you saw his confliction between touching you or not, you knew he cared. He wasn't Johnny. He was never going to hurt you. “I’m so sorry honey” he breathed out finally, it was shaky as he touched you softly. Gripping onto him harder, you began to pepper his jaw in kisses. Sitting up on your knees, you began to undo his jacket. Straddling his hips, you leaned down slowly, capturing his lips in yours. The darkness surrounded you two as you reconnected once more. Lewis Nixon wouldn't lose you. Not even if he tried.

Part 7

Tags:

@hell-itwasyou @desired-love-

#lewis nixon imagine #lewis nixon imagines #lewis nixon x reader #lewis nixon #band of brothers imagines #band of brothers imagine #band of brothers #band of brothers fanfic #aim for my heart

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tylerhoechlin · 7 years

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Back from the brink, Dylan O'Brien is ready to prove he's an action hero

or the past year, Dylan O’Brien has been in hiding. He spent most of his time inside his home in Sherman Oaks, wondering if he’d ever be the same person he was before the accident. Not just emotionally, but physically too: After major reconstructive surgery that left him with four metal plates holding one side of his face together, he feared he’d never look the same again.

“It’s a miracle, what they’ve done,” O’Brien says, placing his hand on his cheek. Indeed, the actor’s team of doctors must have done some incredible work, given the fact that he looks almost exactly as he always has — the boyish teen heartthrob who has amassed an army of young female fans since he began working on MTV’s “Teen Wolf” at age 18.

Of course, he’s 26 now, so he’s filled out a bit, and there’s also a hint of patchy scruff on his face. He had enough gravitas to him that the producers of “American Assassin,” which opens nationwide Friday, felt confident casting him as the grizzled action-hero Mitch Rapp — even though the character in Vince Flynn’s bestselling books was widely believed by readers to be in his 40s.

“American Assassin” is the reason O’Brien emerged from his self-imposed exile. He’d signed onto the film just a few weeks before he began work on “Maze Runner: The Death Cure,” the third and final installment in 20th Century Fox’s post-apocalyptic young-adult franchise. He was hoping “Assassin” would mark the beginning of a new period in his career. In 2017, after six seasons, “Teen Wolf” would come to an end, as would the “Maze Runner” series.

“I’ve never looked at myself as this pop candy type,” O’Brien says, peppering his speech with more colorful language. “I felt like I was more real than that, so I would get mad when someone would say [I was a teen heartthrob]. I’d be like, ‘I’m 19! I’m a stoner!’ I really resented that.”

He was so excited to begin work on “Assassin” that he fielded calls from director Michael Cuesta just as production began in Vancouver, Canada, on the final “Maze Runner” film. Together, they discussed how O’Brien would approach the character, a 23-year-old who is recruited by the CIA to hunt down terrorists after he witnesses his girlfriend’s murder at the hands of Muslim radicals.

“I spoke with him on a Saturday when he had just started ‘Maze Runner,’ addressing his notes and concerns about the character,” Cuesta recalls. “He was really excited and seemed like, ‘Yeah, I’m ready to do this.’ I was like, ‘Pace yourself, dude. Take it slow. We’ll talk when you’re off this project.’ That was Saturday, and on Wednesday, I got a text from my agent telling me that this awful thing had happened to him.”

On the third day of production in Canada, O’Brien was performing a stunt that required him to be harnessed to the top of a moving vehicle; reports claim he was accidentally pulled off that vehicle midstunt and hit by another vehicle. As a result, he suffered “a concussion, facial fracture and lacerations,” according to a report from WorkSafeBC.

Fox put production on hold in March 2016, and O'Brien ultimately returned to set a year later — after he'd shot "Assassin." “Death Cure,” which was originally scheduled to open in February of this year, is now set for release Jan. 26, 2018.

“I didn’t really wake up or become cognizant, in a way, for a good six-to-eight weeks after it happened,” O’Brien explains. “And then I entered a really difficult phase. I just wasn’t the same person. Things happen to you after something like that that you just don’t have any control of. Your body is designed to react in a way to protect itself if you have a severe trauma to your brain.”

The actor is sitting at a hotel bar in late August, publicly discussing his accident for the first time. He’s been anticipating this day for months. He knew how it would go, meeting reporters at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills, where he’s done press a handful of times before. Even though he was supposed to be talking about “American Assassin,” he’d also have to talk about what had happened to him.

“I hid for a long time, obviously. I was going through a lot and didn’t want anybody to see me going through that, I guess,” he explains. “But I’ve gotten to an OK place of talking about it all. I’ve had to come to terms with people asking me about what happened.”

In a way, he admits, he regrets being so private about what happened to him, given the rash of recent on-set stunt-related injuries and deaths. Last month, stuntwoman Joi Harris was killed while riding a motorcycle on the set of “Deadpool 2.” In July, a stuntman on AMC’s “The Walking Dead” died after falling and suffering massive head injuries. And actors have been harmed too: Tom Cruise broke his ankle while attempting a jump from one building to another on the set of “Mission: Impossible 6,” and filming had to be halted in August. And on the sets of two different comedies this summer, Rebel Wilson suffered a concussion and Ike Barinholtz fell from a high platform, fracturing two cervical vertebrae in his neck.

“It’s really disappointing, and I think things like that should really wake the industry up,” says O’Brien. “It’s really easy, sometimes, to get comfortable on a set and get into the groove and think it’s all make-believe so nothing bad can happen. As an actor, you blindly put your trust in experts — and if they tell you something’s safe, you don’t fully vet it yourself. If you’re young and inexperienced, that’s just what you’re taught to do.”

While he never felt like a “gun was to [his] head,” O’Brien admits he always felt responsible for performing his own stunts. He’d get upset any time he had to be replaced by a stuntman. When he’d watch one of the first two “Maze Runner” films and catch a shot of his double, he was irritated.

“It bugs you,” he explains. “You see it and you’re like, ‘Ugh, what the [heck]? How do people not notice that’s not me?’”

But if he knew if he was going to move forward with “American Assassin,” he’d have to approach his action sequences with far more caution than he ever had before. Once he decided to stay with the project — and CBS Films, the production company behind the movie, agreed to wait for him to fully recover — he began working extensively with action coordinator Roger Yuan to ready himself for the movie’s hand-to-hand combat scenes.

Not surprisingly, O’Brien says, there were strict parameters set in place by the film’s insurance company that dictated just how much he could do himself in the wake of his accident. But he was still eager to do the fight scenes himself, so he rehearsed them extensively — to the point, he says, where he literally could do the choreography blindfolded.

“You just want to know it to that extent so that everybody knows what they’re doing on that day,” he says. “And then when you get to that day and somebody says, ‘Wait, can we just change this?’ You say ‘No.’ Things like that, you’ve gotta stand up for. I’ve understood more of where my voice can exist. When I was younger, I used to just want to please everybody and not want to be an issue or not be considered a diva. I’ve just grown up and realized you have to look out for yourself and stick up for yourself and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Other protections were built into the production to make O’Brien feel more at ease too: His father, a veteran below-the-line staffer, was hired as a camera operator so he could be there if needed for his son. And “on the days we were putting Dylan in a situation that might make him uncomfortable, we took longer than we might normally take because we didn’t want to rush it,” says producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura. “We were acutely conscious of not putting him in a situation where he could have an adverse reaction — a stunt that might rekindle something.”

O’Brien had also spent time readying himself mentally for the return to set even before production began, visiting with a therapist two times a week. It was there that he realized the similarities he now shared with Mitch Rapp, a character struggling to contain his anger in the wake of a serious trauma.

“It felt like this version of me at the time, always trying to hide from people,” he says. “I was in a really dark place. Obviously, I didn’t experience what he goes through, but that summer when I was in recovery, I was going through a lot. Funny enough, I felt so deeply connected to the dude, and I don’t think I would have known how to play him if this hadn’t happened.”

Meanwhile, it remains to be seen whether “American Assassin” will be the role to catapult O’Brien into adult leading-man territory. His young female fans are still ravenous, anyway: On set in Rome, they once became so intense that the actor was forced to move to a different hotel.

“I saw some fans outside afterward, and three of their moms gave me the finger,” says Cuesta with a laugh. “They hated me because I was keeping Dylan from them.”

The producers of “Assassin” are hoping the film does well enough at the box office this weekend to launch a new action franchise. O’Brien knew that was a possibility, and says he’d be happy to play Mitch Rapp again. But he’s also looking forward to doing something smaller — “finding the new generation of filmmakers and taking risks on guys who don’t have a 25-year résumé.” The idea of acting in a Marvel superhero film, he says, makes him shudder.

“It just seems like too much,” he says. “I don’t think I’m a person who could handle being that face, that star who has to be on every talk show every year. It gives you a lot of flexibility and freedom in things that you do want to do, but it also takes a lot of your time away. And just artistically, it must be hard to keep suiting up and be the same character again over and over all year long in a bunch of different movies. I would like to have a lower profile and career, in a way, but still do things that mean something to me.”

He’s proud of his work in “Assassin,” he says, but he almost doesn’t look at it as a movie.

“It was everything but, in a way,” he acknowledges. “Look, I was angry for a long time. But at this point, that’s not going to do anything. I have to process what happened and move beyond it, and I have. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but it’s provided me with a lot of growth and insight that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.”

[source: LA Times]

#dylan o'brien #mitch rapp #american assassin #amas #article #la times #accident #recovery #scruffysterekposts

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cometcrystal · 7 years

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Okay, I officially want to get into the gorillaz because of all your reblogs. So, if you are not busy, please Tell. Me. Everything. I want to know history/best songs/fun facts/anything. Please and thank you.

im so excited!! i love that my reblogs made you wanna get into gorillaz that makes me so beyond happy

gorillaz is a virtual band, and the members are 2d (lead singer), murdoc (bass), noodle (guitar), and russel (drums). these are just characters, though, and the irl members of gorillaz are MANY. there’s been SO MANY people that have worked on gorillaz, and i wouldn’t be surprised if it was in the hundreds. but the main guys are damon albarn, who does the music, and jamie hewlett, who does the artwork!

the best songs from each phase are just my own opinion and all of their albums are definitely worth full listens, these are just the ones that i personally love the most!

self-titled

5/4. i have no excuse for this one it’s just sick

clint eastwood, which is what a lot of ppl say but honestly? there’s a reason this one was the big single off this album

slow country, bc it is SO overlooked

demon days

o green world, i love the creepy horror movie noises in it

dirty harry, especially live performances, go look up the BRITS performance of this song and look how much fun the kids are having

don’t get lost in heaven/demon days. the first time i listened to this pair of songs, i was at an assembly for school and ignoring it with my ipod and it was an EXPERIENCE

plastic beach

welcome to the world of the plastic beach, you cannot go wrong with snoop dogg

rhinestone eyes, because it feels very classic gorillaz

on melancholy hill is beautiful and ethereal

DONCAMATIC

others

rockit is just a jam lets be honest

the soulchild remix of 19-2000, which i actually like better than the original

revolving doors (i count this one as other bc The Fall is such an anamoly of an album)

doyathing is just so much fun

let it out is shaping up to be my favorite song off of humanz we’ve seen so far but i am filing it under “others” because the album isnt out yet!

AND there is a certain order you should watch the music videos, since it goes with the story! phase 1 is ok to watch out of order imo but phase 2 and 3 need to stay in order.

Tomorrow Comes Today

Clint Eastwood

19-2000

5/4 (Storyboard)

Rock the House

Rockit

DARE

Dirty Harry

Feel Good Inc.

El Manana

Stylo

Melancholy Hill

Broken (Live Visual)

Doncamatic

Rhinestone Eyes (Storyboard)

DoYaThing

and now ill do my best to summarize the entire lore! this will be under a cut because it is so so much already. the gorillaz wiki also does a really good job of explaining this story on each of the character’s pages if you want more detail!

pre-phase 1 and phase 1 (xxxx-2000)

murdoc is the oldest member, and he grew up in a shitty household where his father made him humiliate himself for money. his nose got broken in fights several times and permanently misshaped it

2d grew up in a good household with supportive parents, and his first job was in a record store. this is where murdoc crashed his car one day right into 2d’s face and put him in a coma, making one of his eyes pure black

murdoc was assigned to look after 2d as part of his probation, and ended up giving him MORE head trauma when he tried impressing some girls with car tricks w/ the comatose 2d in the car. 2d woke up with both his eyes black, and murdoc knew he had to be his dream band’s frontman. 2d’s paranoia and anxiety is made worse w/ murdoc around

russel’s backstory is the saddest i think, he grew up in america and had several close friends, but they were all killed in a drive-by shooting except him. their spirits inhabited his body and they come out sometimes to rap, like his best friend and soulmate Del does for clint eastwood and rock the house. but he also suffers really bad mental problems because of this

murdoc kidnapped russel to be the drummer for gorillaz after he secured 2d, and russel was going to leave until he heard the kind of music murdoc wanted to do, and liked it

all 3 of them stayed in a run-down music studio called kong studios

noodle was created as past of a japanese experiment about manufacturing superchildren for the military, and her specialty was music but her brain is programmed with knowledge on how to kill. after she and the other children turned 10, Mr. Kyuzo, who was in charge of the project, saved noodle after the government scrapped the project and killed all the other children.

gorillaz was originally going to have 2d’s girlfriend at the time, paula cracker, as their guitarist, but she was booted after she and murdoc were caught fucking in one of the stalls at kong studios

so they needed a guitarist, so they put out an advertisement and literally moments later, a giant crate showed up at kong. noodle was inside, since mr. kyuzo had seen the ad and sent her to safety. the only word she could speak in english was “noodle”, so that’s how she got her name

the band released an album and toured and all that band stuff, you can see some of the slice of life stuff on youtube in videos called “bitez” but the Fancy Dress one is kinda tasteless on murdoc’s part, im just warning you. it was from 2000 and gorillaz has moved past jokes like that, even with murdoc

eventually, the band was allowed to make a movie, but due to arguing between everyone, they felt the tension was too high and decided to split up for a while

in-between phase 1 and phase 2 (2000-2005)

2d went back home and worked at his dad’s carnival, had a good time

murdoc lived in a brothel and then went to prison for a while but escaped

russel just wandered some but the grim reaper found him and took the souls of his dead friends from his body, leading to him having a massive breakdown. he lived in ike turner’s basement for a bit after that

noodle went to japan to learn about her past (since she didn’t remember anything about the project due to mind wiping) and the phrase “ocean bacon” triggered her brain to remember everything. she also remembered how to speak every language bc that was part of her programming

when noodle returned to kong by herself, she spent a while getting rid of the zombies while she wrote the first draft of the album demon days. she called the boys back when she was done because she needed them to help her finish it

phase 2 (2005)

after the album demon days was out for a while, noodle had been considering taking another break (lmao can they please chill out for two seconds) so she made a plan with murdoc to help her FAKE HER DEATH

he helped her make it look like the floating island in the feel good inc/el manana music videos crashed and she died in the wreckage, but she escaped

there’s SO many versions of this story, one of which noodle DID die and went to hell, but murdoc is unreliable and noodle said she faked her death in a recent phase 4 interview so i believe her

with noodle gone, the band saw nothing else to do but go their separate ways yet again, 2d and russel greatly saddened by noodle’s disappearance

phase 3 (2010)

murdoc cannot go too long without attention, so he decided that gorillaz needed a 3rd album. he kidnapped 2d AGAIN and couldn’t find russel so he jsut created a drum machine to drum in his place. the only problem is, their guitarist was “dead”

murdoc went to the el manana wreckage and found some of noodle’s DNA, and using this, created cyborg noodle. cyborg noodle is modeled after her 15 year old self, and is equipped with several guns, some of them built into her. she never speaks

murdoc takes all of this to an island that is the furthest from any point on land that he has decked out; plastic beach. it is just an island of floating trash with a condo on it. he keeps 2d in the basement, which terrifies him since 2d is afraid of whales and they go by his window underwater every way

there is also a villain in this phase named the boogie man. i’m honestly not sure what his motivation is other than being evil

russel hears that murdoc is up to some fuck shit so he straight up just. walks into the ocean and starts swimming to find him. on the way he eats something radioactive, and this makes him grow to the size of a building

noodle has also decided to come out of hiding for reasons unknown. she has the same idea as russel; she’s going after murdoc on a cruise line, when the boogie man’s pirates find out she is there, and attack the ship and sink it

noodle escapes on a lifeboat with only her guitar, and ends up finding russel in the ocean! she and her dad have both gotten bigger in different ways and she just sticks with him

they find plastic beach, which is being attacked by more pirates. noodle kills cyborg noodle after cyborg malfunctions and tries killing murdoc, but also? 2d said in a recent interview that cyborg noodle is still alive? so who knows

2d is swallowed by a whale (dont worry he ends up fine)

in between phase 3 and phase 4 (2010-2017)

the doyathing video does not fit with current canon so everyone in the fandom just agrees it was someone’s dream, probably 2d’s

murdoc escaped the plastic beach battle and lived in a submarine w/ cyborg for a bit until the government found him and threw him in jail again. they agreed to let him out if he created a 4th gorillaz album, so he works on trying to round everyone else up again

the whale that 2d was in died and washed up on a shore somewhere, and 2d crawled out. he lived as a castaway for a little bit until he figured out there was a town not far from where the whale washed up, and then he just spent peaceful time there. he voluntarily went back to the rest of the band after this

russel was harpooned in the ocean and taken to north korea, where he existed as an attraction for a while, cause he was still a giant. his lack of a food source made him shrink back to normal size, and he was let go. he went back to london and was eventually contacted by murdoc

noodle woke up in a japanese fishing village after the pirate attack, and a family there helped her so she decided to work for them to repay them. while working for them, she accidentally released a demon, and spent years tracking him and finally killed him

after taking care of that, noodle packaged herself up and shipped herself to murdoc just like she did when she was 10

and now everyones just having a good and fun time not kidnapping each other or trying to kill each other

and that’s pretty much it so far!! like i said, the gorillaz wiki has really good biographies for all the individual characters

that was so long but i tried condensing the story as much as possible! i hope this was helpful for you and if you have any more questions please ask, i love talking about gorillaz so much but it’s also a very confusing lore with contradictions

#long post #Anonymous

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funnythingshere0-blog · 6 years

Text

The 'Deadpool 2' Cliches That Aren't Part of the Joke

New Post has been published on https://funnythingshere.xyz/the-deadpool-2-cliches-that-arent-part-of-the-joke/

The 'Deadpool 2' Cliches That Aren't Part of the Joke

[This story contains spoilers for Deadpool 2]

The following is a spoiler-intensive conversation about Deadpool 2 — the new R-rated superhero film starring Ryan Reynolds as a sassy, fourth-wall-breaking, self-healing potty-mouth mutant. It’s the latest installment of a monthly series of chats between between Eisner Award nominee Alex de Campi and Heat Vision contributor Simon Abrams.

The David Leitch-directed sequel includes Deadpool newcomers Josh Brolin as Cable, a gruff military mutant from the future; Julian Dennison as Russell, the teen mutant Cable is out to kill; and Zazie Beetz as the ultra lucky Domino.

There are spoilers and discussion of superhero movie fatigue ahead.

Simon Abrams, Nimrod Devotee: Before we watched Deadpool 2, I tweeted a prediction of what the movie would be like. I hastily deleted that tweet because I wanted to maintain some semblance of professionalism. Still, it’s worth noting that I didn’t expect much from the film, despite kinda liking the first one:

— Zazie Beetz and Josh Brolin will walk away with the film, and Ryan Reynolds will do far better than many expect.

— The action sequences will be better than the first one, including at least one great, probably noisy set piece since the film is directed by David Leitch, one half of John Wick‘s co-directing duo, and the solo helmer of the under-rated soviet-era spy thriller Atomic Blonde.

— Otherwise, more of the same

— Bollywood actor Ranveer Singh’s Hindi-language dub [he voices Deadpool] should be available in all territories.

Almost none of these things happened, except two: 1) I still want to hear Singh —the guy who chewed up every scene he’s in of the controversial Bollywood period romance Padmaavat — dub for Reynolds 2) Reynolds is, in fact, terrific at what he does.

But that second point is what makes me most resentful of Deadpool 2: I was already going to grade this film on a curve — but I still didn’t walk away satisfied!

Full disclosure: I used to love the look of Deadpool when I was a kid, though I never really read the X-Force comics. But when I was in first grade, I made a Deadpool-shaped paper-mache mask in art class. And when I was a teenager, I enjoyed comic book writer Frank Tieri’s take on the character. And later, in college, I thought that David Lapham and Kyle Baker’s more “adult”-oriented Deadpool — he breaks the fourth wall because he’s probably schizophrenic — was OK.

But holy crap, I walked away from Deadpool 2 feeling angry at Ryan Reynolds — a comedic actor whose work I’ve enjoyed since Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place — just because he did his job too well: giving emotional resonance to a lot of lousy ideas (which he co-wrote and co-produced) that are conceived without much inspiration.

I think the word “inspiration” is key because I spent much of Deadpool 2 worrying that I was not meeting this film at its level. I kept thinking, “This is as good as this sort of material gets.” Until Reynolds punched a bag of cocaine into his face and then made spirit fingers/jazz hands. Then he paused with great comedic effect after Wade “Deadpool” Wilson is shot to bits by Brolin’s dour future mercenary Cable. Reynolds even had great chemistry/banter with Brolin in that one scene where Wilson hugs Cable, and then notes that they’re dick-to-dick, which understandably leads Cable to reciprocate by poking an off-camera dagger into Wilson’s nuts. In these moments, I knew exactly why I disliked Deadpool 2: nobody was working as hard as Reynolds to sell me this rancid bill of goods, and that includes the otherwise good Brolin, Beetz, Dennison, and Eddie Marsan.

At this point, I’ll let you explain why the film’s tedious shift towards semi-serious melodrama doesn’t work (because I agree with you, and think you have a great point). And I’ll do it with a wink because breaking the fourth wall, and being preciously “exhausting,” as one character describes Wilson, is all part of the Deadpool 2 experience. Take it away, de Campi!

Alex De Campi, Anarchist Aficionado: I was so excited to see this film. Do you remember? Finally we were seeing something I wanted to see! And I love Ryan Reynolds as a comedy actor. I’ve loved him since Blade: Trinity, which is up there with Bad Boys 2 and Crank in terms of Terrible Films I Adore. I want Reynolds’s films to be great, because he is incredibly talented and makes things more fun whenever he shows up. But dear God in heaven, can we please have a superhero film that’s not built on the backs of dead girlfriends and daddy issues?

I’m done. I’m done with superhero films at this point. All I wanted was a big, dumb frat-boy movie with Reynolds being funny and some good fight scenes. And what I got was an X-men movie by stealth with Emotional Resonance (tm), boring, badly-paced fights, and maybe one joke in 15 landing. Oh and the girlfriend killed in the first five minutes. And sure, Zazie Beetz was in it (for about half an hour), and she was great. But hello, male filmmakers: throwing in a female supporting character does not make it okay for you to make the white male hero’s character actualization based on damage to female bodies (and/or black bodies, and/or queer bodies). Stop it. You’re not being daring, you’re just being puerile and lazy. You know what’s daring? Writing an established relationship where the woman is not damselled. Yeah, it’s HARD, isn’t it? But look at 1934’s The Thin Man, which is one of the greatest comedies of all time: Nick and Nora start off the film happily married, continue the film happy, and end it happily married! And their banter is what makes the film. If they did that eighty years ago, you can do this now, folks. I mean, there is the slight issue that Reynolds and Morena Baccarin have zero comedic chemistry on screen but hey, you cast it, you deal with it.

I have to admit I haven’t seen a lot of the recent superhero films. There are just too many, too often. Same with Star Wars, tbh — Han Solo is my favorite Star Wars character and I can’t even motivate myself to see that film because didn’t I just see a Star Wars film? I passed on Infinity War because it’s too long, has too many characters, and fave characters die at the end (yeah, I know, one of my most-loved films is Nashville, STFU).

But here’s the thing: the superhero films that have really resonated with female viewers have either starred women (Wonder Woman), or been completely without dead love interests or daddy issues. We all know that the reason Cap: Winter Soldier did so well with female viewers is 1) great fight scenes and 2) because the traditional role of the damselled girlfriend actually went to a male character (Bucky) who was, because male, then allowed to come back stronger and save the hero, right? That was radical and interesting in the context of these films. Similarly in Shane Black’s Iron Man 3, Pepper is damselled but she comes back stronger, a main character/superhero in her own right, and saves Tony. In Black Panther, the female co-leads all had equal or greater screen time than Chadwick Bozeman, and storylines that gave them actual agency beyond being love interests, and ladies to be imperiled to advance the plot.

The other thing I’m 100 percent done with is screenwriters mining my childhood for brownie points rather than working to create a compelling story. My enjoyment of this film shouldn’t be predicated on getting who Shatterstar is, and understanding jokes about Rob Liefeld’s inability to draw feet, yet here we are. That’s why so many of Deadpool 2’s jokes don’t land: they’re not funny. They’re just about the film cozying up to you and trying to dole out little dopamine hits of “Ooh, I understood that reference!”. You can’t just set the Content Cannon to “Ready Player One” and batter the audience into submission with Alpha Flight jokes and Yu-Gi-Oh references. That’s not writing!

Deadpool was a genuine lowbrow delight. But Deadpool 2 feels like Marvel Studios got its claws into it as a potential launch pad for other things. There’s a line near the end where Baccarin’s Dead Girlfriend tells Wade he can’t join her in heaven yet because “these people need you”, and I legit thought they were about to pan over to Ike Perlmutter and Kevin Feige like “Yo.” Alas, it was only a pan to Wade’s “found family” in the film. Ah, man, I can’t get over how much I wanted this film to be good, but ugh. I’m tired. The massive hype of these films, the poor writing, the dull, dull fights and then the fact that it always just ends up a bunch of white men doing stuff, with token diverse supporting characters. I’m done giving you folks money.

Abrams: I’m with ya. The line in Deadpool 2 about “bad writing,” and about how “exhausting” it is to be around Deadpool — as he’s conceived in these films — set me off. A friend of mine argued that the dead girlfriend subplot wasn’t meant to be taken so seriously. But c’mon, so much of the plot relied on Wilson’s personal growth, no matter how adolescent/tongue in cheek the attendant one-liners may be. What’s next, the plot is only incidental? Then why have one at all? If Deadpool 2 is a joke delivery system, one with a rapid-fire, Naked Gun pace of gags, then how does one excuse the fact that only one in fifteen jokes land? Applauding a movie with fourteen dud jokes in about three minutes is a bit like fondling a treadmill, and arguing that the burn marks on your face aren’t as bad as they look.

Which leads me to your talking point about being done with superhero films. I used to sneer at film critics who wrote about feeling exhausted by these films. But it’s a crisis-intensive, never-ending cycle of emotionally and humorously lightweight entertainment. And after a while, I came to realize: just because you and I expect — or maybe just hope — for more from these films doesn’t mean we have to feel bad for disliking them. People who don’t write about these films understandably don’t care about this kind of thing, but I have to agree with Bilge Ebiri when he argues that “For the moviegoer — or the film critic — who dutifully trudges out to these pictures all year long, the effect is a seemingly ceaseless, soul-eating series of global and cosmic calamities that mostly stopped being bracing or suspenseful or even all that interesting some time ago.”

Simply copy-and-pasting that quote makes me feel defensive, like I’m the mean-spirited hater who’s over-thinking it, over-analyzing, over-simplifying, etc. Many critics are even, by this point, downright resentful of the same blockbuster-loving readers that they rely on for feedback. Because who wants to be constantly dismissed for picking on a mega-production that was made by people with more money than God, and have little need and less concern for our criticism? Who wants to criticize films that, after a while, start to feel critic-proof?

Deadpool 2 isn’t as bad as the Marvel movies have gotten lately, but it bored into my head with its consistent mediocrity. And for two hours, I felt like a drunk stand-up comedian was wiggling his fingers in front of my face, and boasting about how he’s not touching me, he’s not touching me. This guy used to be funny, but his act sucks now, and he’s feeding off of the energy of the room, who are — like the auditorium-full of moviegoers at last week’s screening — totally into his new loutish schtick. So for a while, I felt like I had been taken hostage, like I had to just smile politely, and then grade this childishly ineffective button-pushing act on a curve.

Then I remembered that I liked Deadpool, and thought “No, no, it’s the children who are wrong,” I mean, “No, no, this movie is just bad, and I need to focus on accounting for the many ways that it is bad.” So here we are.

Can we talk about the lousy fight scenes? And the stuff about how, as you said, a good chunk of the jokes rely implicitly on comics fans’ knowledge of super-tropes, and fan-service-y Easter Eggs, like DP’s momentarily grey costume, the taxi cab’s Alpha Flight ad, and the orphanage’s M-Day posters?

De Campi: You know, when you’re a woman in a male-dominated industry, like comics, the first thing the harasser dudes say to you when you call them on their behavior is, “Can’t you take a joke?” Oh, the dead girlfriend’s a joke, what’s the matter Alex, can’t you take a joke? Nah. And I especially don’t have to pay you money for the joke. But then it’s like the film tries to talk out of both sides of its mouth at once, since the ha-ha dead girl joke is also the underpinning of the entire film’s emotional arc: Deadpool’s search for redemption, in the person of a young mutant with anger issues who is gratingly unlikable, and whose own emotional arc also falls flat. But enough about that. Let’s talk about fight scenes and CGI.

Look, there’s no nice way to say this: the film looks cheap. The lighting is rough as old boots, the costumes and makeup look bargain-basement, the CGI is barely above “mobile gaming” standard, and just…Colossus. Colossus doesn’t work. Every time he’s on screen, I’m not thinking, “Wow, cool,” I’m thinking, “Eesh, that looks bad.” Beyond that, the fights are dull, with bizarre pacing that involves stopping in the middle for no reason. The fight choreography is nonexistent, which is a surprise, coming from one of the John Wick guys. It seems the directors can’t manage the amount of characters they have in the fights that are scripted. Deadpool had great fight scenes; Deadpool 2 doesn’t have a single memorable one. There’s not one shot I’d steal. And hey, it’s fine to not have a big budget. Then you just focus on doing simple things well, rather than big things very badly. I learned this lesson shooting music videos, and believe me, it’s the most important lesson in the business.

There’s also a lot of failures of internal logic in the film. On the one hand, it’s Deadpool, who cares. On the other hand, the one scene where I laughed until I cried was the baby-legs scene, itself a derivative of one of Deadpool’s best gags. But why, when Deadpool blew himself up early in the film and woke up in the X-Mansion, did he not have baby appendages? And when everyone starts going back and forth in time near the end, there’s only ever one of that person. So Deadpool goes back in time to fix a mistake by Past Deadpool, but it’s like Past Deadpool vanishes while Time Travelling Deadpool steps into the scene (except for once). Why aren’t both Deadpools in the scene? It would have been funnier, and then maybe they could have cut some time off that lingering and not-funny extended death scene.

I’m still mad at this movie, Simon. I feel like they had to work really hard to make it this mediocre, squandering one of Hollywood’s best comedy-action talents in the process.

Abrams: Yes, I’m increasingly upset about the sheer laziness of Deadpool 2‘s jokes and wink-wink crass-ness. Because, like we said after we saw the movie, this kind of nerd-pandering shouldn’t be so nerve-shredding. We are the target audience. We know who Deadpool creator Rob Liefeld is, and even get the in-joke about how he can never draw feet well. But do you remember when Shrek was a huge deal, and many critics understandably complained that its success established a trend for the use of pop culture references as punchlines? It’s the same problem that many people (including me) have with Family Guy‘s frat-guy gags, only their jokes hit two out of fifteen times, despite being so proudly retrograde that they make you not want to wade through the other thirteen.

Deadpool 2 has the same problem: so many of the jokes conclude where they should develop. I didn’t even like the baby legs joke because I thought that routine didn’t work as a sight gag, despite the fact that it never seems to end. As if the very idea of a computer-generated baby dick is hee-larious. The Basic Instinct reference that’s embedded in this routine is bad, but the fact that one character calls attention to it is even worse. Please stop nudging me, movie, I get the joke, I just don’t think you’re good at telling it.

Same thing with the action set pieces. Like you, I was disappointed by the fight scenes given how cluttered and busy they were. CGI Colossus was bad, but I expected that after the first film. Juggernaut was worse, I think, since he looked like he came right out of the Marvel video game advert that preceded our advanced screening. I’m also 100 percent with you about how the film has too many supporting characters, and therefore too many sub-threads to cross-cut between during the big fight scenes. That said: I laughed during the terrible “Thunderstruck” montage, where a handful of established X-Force members die horrible, premature deaths. That was funny. But, well, one in fifteen, right?

A fun parlor game for you: what comes next for the R-rated super-film now that Wolverine’s dead, and Deadpool’s already had one sequel? There are bound to be more R-rated Marvel films after Deadpool 2 rakes in a ton of booty. Also, they practically have a mandate to make more of these things now that Logan‘s Beyond–Thunderdome-Meets-Mark-Millar script got an Oscar nomination. Will Marvel/20th Century Fox stick with soft-R mutie stories, or expand to the superhero universe? Maybe we’ll get a Foolkiller story, or even a Death’s Head II programmer (stop rolling your eyes, I can see it through the Internet) Or, and maybe this is a better question: will more ever really mean more in these films? Because these films keep attracting talented performers, directors, screenwriters, etc. But lately, nothing extraordinary seems to come of it.

De Campi: Oh, please, the filmmakers have already teased an X-Force movie. This wasn’t a sequel so much as it was a platform, and boy did it feel like it. I think what I mourn most about Deadpool 2 versus Deadpool was that I was hoping for a small, focused movie with a few characters that was heavy on the funny and the action. Instead, I got another bloated Marvel film with 800 characters bouncing in and out of the story too fast for me to care.

I have this thing I call The Unified Theory of John Cassavetes: certain filmmakers do a difficult thing so well, they make it look effortless. Think about Johnny in the 1970s, running around shooting pretty, well-framed handheld in New York with Ben Gazzara and his pals improving away. Now think about all the terrible, terrible American indie film that that style spawned. Not every filmmaker is Ryan Coogler, or the Russos/Markus & McFeely, able to juggle eighty hojillion characters and make it look easy.

I just wanted to trim so much fat off of Deadpool 2. The R-rated superhero films that work are small, focused films, allowed to play in their own little fenced-off playground. But Deadpool 2 tried to go big, and that’s where it suffers: it tries to do too many things, too quickly, and in the end doesn’t do any of them well.

Deadpool 2

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joons-expensive-gurl · 7 years

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I Left

Here's a little story about me for anyone who's really interested. I wanted to post this here because I truly feel that this message is so so so important. So, I've had friends on Kik for around 4 years now. That's a long time. We were all very, very close, and a lot of things have happened. My first boyfriend is among that group, my first best friends, a lot of firsts for me are in that group. But that doesn't necessarily mean they're nice people. My oldest friend of the lot has always been horrible to me. We love each other, but we always argue. At first, it was because I was dating his best friend and taking their time away, and then it was because we'd broke up, and then we'd argue over everything. It was a very stressful situation for me, always bickering with him, and I'd constantly find myself deleting my kik for a day or two to cool down before coming back. We'd be friendly, something would kick off, we'd argue, I'd leave, and it would all happen again. Over and over. This was a vicious cycle, and I refuse to take part in it anymore, especially after what he did to me a few weeks ago. My closest friend of the lot, she's never done anything to me. I love her as if she is my own sister, we're so close. However, she's never able to come online due to school and other issues, and consequently, I find myself ranting to her, with no replies or help. It's not her fault; not at all, but I will not put her into a position anymore where she's in the middle of arguments. It isn't fair on her after 4 years. The other girl, I've never really liked. She's a good person, however, since she developed feelings for my ex, I've found myself liking her less and less. It has nothing to do with jealousy or anything like that, it's because she's becoming me. She talks the same way I do (liek dis to da group. Which Ik is rly bad grammar n shit n she used to hav her own style but nao it's the same as dis), her favourite colour is suddenly pink (my favourite), she's dyeing her hair in the summer, just like what I've been doing for two years straight, she's trying to be me, to secure his heart, and it upsets me a lot for a lot of reasons. I hate being copied in any way. I haven't lived my life being different to everyone else for someone to come and steal my individuality, I don't like the way she's portraying herself as the me he fell in love with, and not who I am today, because that reminds me that I can never have him again, and he was by far the best boyfriend I had. I hate the fact that she will do anything to tell us that she doesn't have feelings for him. We've asked. It's always the same "he's my brother figure". Then stop bringing him up when it's not necessary, don't ignore us for him in group chats, leave him alone because he isn't interested half the time. She's become a girl I can't stand. She's become the old me. A me I never ever want to go back to. And I hate being reminded of my past self every time I have to speak to her. The second guy, I used to love. A lot. When we met, he instantly had feelings for me, but I was with my ex at the time, and I had to leave him heartbroken. But after we broke up, he was there for me, treated me like a princess and I found myself liking him more and more every day. When he found out I liked him, he was shocked. The main reason being he had been leading me on, whilst having a secret girlfriend none of us knew about. I was livid, I was furious with him, but he broke up with her to be with me. This was his worst mistake. Every day, from the day we got together until the day we broke up, his ex girlfriend and her best friend bullied me so severely. They told me to kill myself multiple times. At least 30 times a day I'd receive the message "kill yourself" in one form or another. I cried to him, I begged him to make it stop, but he didn't. And I ended up breaking up with him because of it. A week later, and he was back with her. We were okay up until the election last year, to which he confessed he was voting for Trump. I don't think I've ever been so angry or disappointed in a person in all my life. I argued with him for weeks, I told him over and over that if he voted for that asshat, I would never speak to him again. I told him that he couldn't do this to the world. That Trump would destroy the peace. What he said to me will forever haunt me. He told me he just wanted the "dirty immigrants" out of his country and his guns safe. I left kik for a few months after that. When I came back, we were okay until I decided to leave again. I got into an argument a few days before I planned on leaving, in which we were again arguing over Trump. He was attacking my best friend and I was attacking him for hurting her. He used the word "chinks" on accident, claiming that it was autocorrect. I told him that that proved how much he was using racial slander and I stopped talking to him. On the day I left, I sent him a message saying I was angry, but goodbye and I still had some lingering feelings for him. All he said was "bye" and told me he'd been playing hard to get. We don't talk anymore. The final one, who is going to make my heart break as I write about this, is my ex. I loved him from the second we met. I still remember. It was awkward, but it was great to finally have friends. I remember the day we got together and everything was so happy. Some girls bullied me while I was with him, but he protected me from them and told them that he wouldn't ever like them if they continued to hurt me. I loved him. I really loved him. But I messed things up, and we broke up. And I hated myself for so long. Then a new best friend for me came into the picture. It was only a few months because after all the things I told her about how I still loved him, she told me she'd been dating him behind my back. I stopped talking to them both for a long time. And then, things began to go back to normal. We were talking again, we were happy being in each other's company. Until he told me that he liked this girl I've never met. My heart shattered and I remember I had to leave college early because of the amount of hurt I was in. I was under the impression I had no feelings left for him. I was wrong. I cried so much, I asked my best friend about this girl and learnt she was horrible to him. She told him she would kill herself because of him. She blamed him for everything. She was and still is awful to him. I told my first friend there about the problem. Who then told my ex about the feelings I still have for him. I left kik again, and came back with no messages from anyone. I'd been abandoned. I'd ruined all my friendships. Only a few messages from my best friend, asking if I was okay. That was it. No one else. So last night, I said my final goodbye to her. I told her how I'd slowly demolished all my friendships with all of them, and how leaving her behind would hurt so much but she'd be better without me. I deleted my kik, I blocked them on any other social media I have, and I'm going to move on. This is just a very small reconstruction of everything that has ever happened between us. There have been friends come and gone, exes, jealous people, disgusting people, but we were the ones who stuck together. We fought alongside each other, without realising we were fighting against one another. I'm no longer friends with them. I will no longer have contact with them. I will no longer be hurting by the toxic friendships of two ex boyfriends, a racist, a girl who wants too badly, and the one who finally drove me out. I will no longer be the toxic person for my best friend. I loved them all. I am grateful for the lessons they taught me. I will forever thank them for being my friends in my darkest days. But I will never forget he message they left on me. That you must cut out toxic relationships, no matter how much they mean to you. You can survive without the negativity, and without the positives, you can, and you must cut out toxic people. That includes cutting yourself away from them, if you're toxic, too.

#personal #my kik sorry #I know this is depressing #but this was my life for my teenage years #I feel like I messed up by staying in contact #I could have not been depressed

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acehet · 7 years

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really long reply like WOW

@rebelbaze ty for responding but reading through your responses is really hard because you’re using the reply feature for a lot of replies. the reply feature is fine for 1 or 2 responses, but anything more than that fries my brain (i’m sorry!). i’m going to try to reply anyway

I mean? I identified as ace for years because of internalized homophobia and a lot of ~ace elders encouraged it by saying that since I was scared of having sex with anyone, I must be ace and all that. And there are multiple blogs cataloging HUNDREDS of experiences ike mine.”

yeah no i 100% agree with you there. those ~ace elders~ were completely incorrect in saying that you must be ace solely because you were scared of having sex.

anyone trying to directly pin an identity on someone, as in “you must be ___ because of ___” is completely in the wrong and i’m sorry that happened to you and make you confused.

there’s a difference between giving people resources and giving advice and possibilities to help them find an identity on their own, and saying someone has to be something because of a reason.

http://hate2breakittoya.tumblr.com/tagged/mogai-hell-denial/chrono A lot of these are about MOGAI politics rather than just the ace community but it's still worth perusing the tag to understand what we mean

asexuals as a whole aren’t to blame for mogai politics. the ace community isn’t at fault for people labeling themselves as homoromantic/bisexual just to end up being wrong about it. hell, even i called myself biplatonic a few years back because i like being in relationships and having girlfriends and boyfriends, and then this discourse happened and i dropped the term cuz so many other people were shamed and ridiculed for the same exact thing. and then i started to think it was stupid too because i’m super impressionable (but that’s not the point)

there are people entirely comfortable with having split attraction or silly identities, not everyone who is, for example, heterosexual/biromantic (i choose that one specifically for a reason i’ll explain in the notes) is that way due to compulsive heterosexuality or internalized homophobia. it could be because of past trauma that makes them uncomfortable being in certain intimate situations (romantic or sexual) with one gender in one way but not the other, or just having different comfort levels with different genders because of who they are, or just because that’s how they are as a person.

it can be internalized homophobia or compulsive heterosexuality for some people, i am absolutely not denying that, but that’s not always it. people are just different, and an entire community of people shouldn’t be shamed for the outlet of their identity because just because for other people it was a form of denying themselves.

but if people are comfortable with something and they’re perfectly content with it, why make issue with it? but if they’re having issues with themselves because of it or are struggling, i feel that’s when you should step in and say “hey i see you’re having problems with your identity and confusion/hatred over it. if you want you can talk to me and i can help you figure things out or just give you some resources to help you figure it out on your own?” or something along those lines.

a group of people as a whole shouldn’t be the blame for someone’s internal issues that are there in the first place because of society’s pressure to make people straight and cis.

http://sleepdontvisit.tumblr.com/post/159156864205/regreceipts-aphobe-voice-mogai-tumblr-held-a ANd if you have xkit or the time to just individually go through the tags on this post, LOTS Of reblogs have comments/tags added, where they talk about how the acec ommunity kept htem from dealing with trauma/overcoming internalized homophobia

again the ~ace elder~ is brought up and throwing identities at people. since this is a thing that is happening to people, i will say i am on your side for this and that putting a label on someone is entirely wrong and not at all helpful.

but, i do have to disagree with a part of this–

““I think I’m attracted to men but whenever they hit on me I feel like I’m about to die.” And y'all will say “sounds like you’re ace and just like them romantically” or “you’re lithromantic” instead of saying, “hey, it’s possible you’re struggling with compulsory heterosexuality. Have you ever considered you might lesbian or attracted to girls?””

forcing a label on someone, like “you’re ace and you like them romantically” and “you’re lithoromantic” are wrong, i’m 100% with you there. but if it were phrased differently, like “hey, if you’re comfortable talking more in-depth about this, we could figure out if you’re actually attracted to men or just find them attractive, because there’s a difference, and a possibility you might be asexual or just dealing with some stuff. have you considered anything?”

i feel that’s just as valid to say as “it’s possible you’re struggling with compulsive heterosexuality and have you considered you might be a lesbian or attracted to girls” because it’s offering the same advice, just different possibilities for identities.

i feel this is more of a thing where people jump the gun on assuming someone’s identity, and not actually an intent to force someone to be something solely because they’re manipulative and want to force someone into being “one of us, one of us”, but regardless i will be on the lookout for more of this in the future, since this is a thing that is happening and can absolutely confuse people and force them to internalize some stuff.

And like, if you need resoursce about the OVERWHELMING amount of sex shaming/serophobia/homophobia in the ace community, I can come up with those too. Like? I literally stopped identifying as ace because of how disgusting the community was and how uncomfortable it made me feel. But a lot of it isn't direct "you can't be gay!! you're ace!!" and it's more the sex shaming that peopel struggling with internalized homophobia flock too. A young gay person will feel "I can't have sex with girls, that's disgusting!!" and see the ace community talking about how disgusting sex is and be like "wow, I must be ace" when really... nope they're just struggling with shit.

(i had to google what serophobia was tfw) i have seen for myself receipts of asexual people making inappropriate comments towards HIV+ individuals or situations, and that is absolutely something that we have to call our own out on. i’ve seen posts on my dashboard of other inclusionists telling people “hey don’t say that shit” in regards to these serophobic posts, and even the infamous “i hate gays on this site” post. so it is something we’re aware of and are trying to correct, but it’s hard to see everyone and everything. it’s disgusting and shouldn’t happen in the first place, but unfortunately it is there.

but for my own personal anecdote, and it’s something i’ve spoken about in the past too, but there was also a time last year where i stopped identifying as asexual too. it wasn’t because of the ace community, because again, i don’t really associate with the ace community aside from on this blog, but it was mostly because of exclusionists and family members.

the discourse was really really bad from what i saw last year, and i wasn’t involved. i unfortunately followed the wrong people and all i saw were a lot of posts about how asexuality wasn’t an identity but a modifier (????? what is my orientation modifying i don’t have anything else) and even posts about how it wasn’t an orientation at all because it doesn’t say who you’re attracted to (yes it does– i’m attracted to nobody.) and people attacking me personally for being asexual (i might still have screenshots if i can dig them up from my old account tbh) and i really felt like i had to forcibly change my orientation since at the time i felt like i couldn’t be asexual. like i wasn’t allowed to be.

This isn't comparable to people accidentally identifying as gay when tehy're bi or anything else bcause there is no society that shames not being gay, y'unno?

i really disagree. there are asexual and/or aromantic people who won’t identify as such because of society, and the general atmosphere of lgbt+ spaces right now because of the discourse. and also historically asexuals were a part of the bi community until we split off (here’s a post with sources that explains is better) and a lot of us misidentified as bi because of such and because a lot of us just liked all genders the same way without realizing we were asexual. (which btw is NOT the bi community’s fault!! just circumstantial confusion). and i even had my brother’s ex fiancé a couple months ago shame me for being asexual and try to tell me i was actually bi because i had a girlfriend at the time and had a boyfriend right before i dated her.

society shames asexuals as well. seeing as how there were consummation laws in place requiring couples to have sex or their marriage could be under annulment. (wikipedia article) (here’s a tumblr post explaining it more)

also this was in a broadcasted tv series shaming asexuality

youtube

(tumblr post talking about it more because tbh i don’t watch house)

society shames asexuality too, and if i didn’t discover i was asexual when i was 12, i would probably still unfortunately be identifying as bi and feeling wrongly about it because of how much aphobia i see in my daily life now. not just online, but with how family tries to pressure me to find love or how people pressure me into relationships irl to ‘fix’ me.

i’m glad i found out about asexuality (and being trans) so young because if i hadn’t, i would still be identifying as something entirely wrong for me. because as i get older i see more and more how horribly LGBTQIA+phobic people are and that would have pushed be further into the closet. i identified at bi when i was 10 because i saw it and because i liked everyone the same, i thought i was, and it was before i saw how bad biphobia could be. seeing all the aphobia as i got older would have had me denying my asexuality more and more, because i know for sure if i had discovered being trans later than i did (13, before i really saw and internalized transphobia) then i would have internalized it and never came to terms with it.

sorry for all the long paragraphs, i like to jabber ahaha, sorry if anything is worded poorly. i’m terrible at wording.

thank you for having a very civilized debate with me btw!! i’m kinda out of spoons right now after writing all this so if you respond i might reply tomorrow! or the day after tomorrow cuz i gotta dogsit tomorrow and that might take up all my energy. i say that because i might still be reblogging things, just to tired to have discussions. y’know?

have a nice night btw!

#for the heterosexual/biromantic thing:#i choose that one specifically because i'm 75% sure my asexuality is trauma related #so sometimes i like to imagine what my orientation would be if i wasn't asexual #and going by my comfort level in situations and general bashfulness around certain people #i'm pretty sure if i weren't asexual i'd be heterosexual/biromantic #and also i labeled myself as that over a year ago when i tried to force myself to not be asexual (plot twist it didn't work)#i just wanted to specify that so it didn't seem like i was pulling the 'mythical bihet u aceys love to compare to'#cuz i've seen that response a lot #replies #long post #idk how.. to tag this #general trigger warning?? it's past my bed time i kind've forgotten some of what i've spoken about

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nothingman · 7 years

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On April 18, a nationwide manhunt came to an end as Steve Stephens, suspected of the Facebook Live murder of 74-year-old Robert Godwin on Easter Sunday, died of a self-inflicted gun-shot wound.

According the Stephens, the rejection of love from his ex-girlfriend, Joy Lane, led to his presumably emotional breakdown and decision to take another’s life. This story unfortunately speaks to a much larger epidemic in the black community that occurs when the male ego is challenged and masculinity crosses that dangerous line of becoming toxic.

Last week, Ebony editor Britni Danielle catalogued a series of tweets and follow-up story about women who had been killed at the hands of black men due to domestic violence. The effort was to bring awareness to an epidemic that has been happening in the black community for some time, and yet rarely discussed in any meaningful way. Her tweets were met with much praise, but also backlash as some chose to victim blame the women and reduce the accountability of the black men who committed these crimes. Their defense was rooted in a desire to protect the long damaged image and perception of African-American men.

This isn’t the first time an awareness campaign has attempted to discuss the challenges and dangers black women face regarding their safety around black men.space“> Three years earlier, Danielle profiled activist and journalist Feminista Jones’ anti-street harassment campaign #YouOkSis, which often times has led to injury and even death at the hands of black men when their advances are rejected.

“The bottom line is that a lot of the ways in which men have been taught to approach women has been problematic,” Jones said. “Men are taught to believe that women are perpetually accessible to them, and it’s hard to take no for an answer.”

Her campaign forced many men to open their eyes and even directly challenge the masculinity of others.

This event prompted scholar, activist and avid Twitter user Anthony J. Williams to start the #MasculinitySoFragile hashtag. In speaking about the hashtag, Williams said “it came from pure frustration and a sense of helplessness.”

“Following Feminista Jones on Twitter was like some awakening for me. Seeing how she was personally treated as a black woman and listening to the individual stories she brought to Twitter as a social worker helped me realize my complicity in toxic masculinities,” he added. “It’s now 2017 and her individual efforts, the organizing of black women, and my hashtag have changed the conversation but haven’t stopped men—including black men—from assaulting, stalking and killing black women because we somehow feel entitled to them.”

He often wonders how we can work toward a solution to this eve- growing epidemic.

Toxic masculinity, however, is not only assumed by the heterosexual man. Masculinity within the LGBTQ community shows up in many ways as to create power dynamics within the lines of sex and gender. ‘Masc’ and ‘fem’ are often directly linked to sexual positions, and used to shame those in the less so-called dominant role. Gay men often shaming trans people shows just how far the divisions are even within a marginalized population.

Lesbians have also exhibited these characteristics when discussing ‘dom’ (dominant) and ‘butch’ in comparison to those who are considered fem. Masculinity is seen as the peak power dynamic in most communities, therefore it’s quite natural that other populations or sub-communities would adopt such structural hierarchy, essentially creating a class and power system.

To gain more insight into toxic masculinity, I spoke with psychologist and TV personality Dr. Jeffrey Gardere, Ph.D., ABPP of Farley and Associates Advanced Crisis Management Firm. “Generally speaking, toxic masculinity is in all communities and comes from misogynistic views, anger and low self-esteem; where women become targets of hate. The same is true in the African American society,” Gardere said.

“However, you need to add the wrinkle that in some cases, social inequality may add increased stress and threaten the male role expression, especially in individuals who may have pre-existing personality or other emotional challenges, resulting in anger-based views and behaviors such as toxic masculinity.”

This definition coincides with the depiction of toxic masculinity in media, which has also long stood as a form of art imitating life at its worst intersection. The first movie that comes to mind is the critically-acclaimed classic Carmen Jones, starring Harry Belafonte and Dorothy Dandridge. In the final act of the movie Carmen, played by Dandridge, is asked to return to her lover Joe (Belafonte). When Carmen rejects this request, Joe strangles Carmen to death before being apprehended by police.

In What’s Love Got to Do with It, which depicted the life story of Ike and Tina Turner, Turner dealt with years of abuse from her husband, most often due to jealousy of her rising fame outside of his own. Ike Turner relied on the power dynamics of abuse to not only keep her fearful, but keep others around them from stepping in to do anything about it.

When we look at the current trend of shows depicting how toxic masculinity usually ends in abuse or death, look no further than TV One’s Monday night lineup. The show Justice by Any Means depicts friends and families of loved ones hunting down those, mainly men, who have killed their loved ones, primarily women. Another show on the network, For My Man, explores women who are led to do heinous crimes under the power and control of the men they love. The show gives insight into how masculinity can transcend gender, and be used as a tool to manipulate and hurt others. Similarly, TV One’s For My Woman depicts men who, when challenged by their women, are driven to kill “the other man” in tangled love triangles.

These type of shows exemplify how the media continues to profit on an issue that is destroying the black community. What happened this past weekend is the continuation of a deadly epidemic in the black community that we can no longer dismiss as “lone wolf” incidents. For many, the fear at the hands of black hetero men is much more prevalent than any other race, particularly in the case of black trans women. If we are ever going grow as a community, we must start addressing these problems head on, and not be afraid to check our egos at the door–because toxic masculinity is literally killing us.

George M. Johnson is a journalist and activist based in the Washington, D.C. area. He has written for EBONY.com, TheGrio, JET, Pride.com, Thebody.com, and The Huffington Post on topics of health, race, gender, sex, and education. Follow him on Twitter: @iamgmjohnson.

via theGrio

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