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#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart
transgender-catboy
·
7 months
Text
I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind
#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!
#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart
#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and
#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.
#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way
#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?
#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.
#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics
#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.
#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.
#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either
#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time
#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out
#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.
#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.
#but we dont talk about her
#... i dunno. I'm just here.
#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going
#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.
#so uh. thank you.
#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you
#probably dead.
#💖
#vent
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