#i just hate you so fucking much that i'm about to die
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Quotes from my friends and I but turned into Redacted Character quotes cuz I saw someone else do it
"Wait, how do I find the author?" -Freelancer
"On Britannica?" -Lasko
"Is that her name?" -Freelancer
"[Angel], are you being kidnapped?" -Baabe
"Nah, it's consensual" -Angel
"Is he hot?" -Asher
"Fuck yeah, I wouldn't be kidnapped if he was fugly" -Angel
"Gen Z Apples to Apples should be a thing." -Asher
"Is that not Cards Against Humanity?" -Milo
"Nice ass." -Freelancer
"Awh, thanks! Want to fondle it?" -Gavin
"[Lasko], you'd be a good teacher," -Huxley
"Nooo!" -Lasko
"Oh right, I forgot you have trauma." -Huxley
"Baby, sing Bruno Mars with me!" -Sweetheart
(In a a sing song tone) "Fuck nooo" -Milo
"What do you want to happen to your body when you die?" -Huxley
"Etch-A-Sketch." -Freelancer
"..What?" -Huxley
"You're losing your hair privildishes" -David
"[Honey] never responds to my texts." -Guy
"Fucking loser, they respond to me in like 5 seconds." -Cutie
"Yippee :D" -Guy
"Kill yourself" -Honey
"Awhh :(" -Guy
"I hate words so much. They don't even make sense!" -Geordi
"Sweetie, you're dyslexic." -Cutie
"See, that word doesn't make sense either!" -Geordi
"Want to get married for financial reasons? AndsoIcangrabyourballs" -Asher
"No" -David
"Guess I'm not coming to your funeral" -Asher
"There should be an question mark but for sadness." -Asher
"Just put a sad face?" -Baabe
"But I'm trying to be professional!" -Asher
"Think of the children!" -Lasko
"Children considered." -Damien
"Children are fake." -Gavin
"The children are gone." -Huxley
"I ate the children" -Freelancer
"Spay and neuter your passport." -Kid Darlin'
"What does that even mean?" -Kid David
"Passport reproduction is a no no." -Kid Asher
"[Sweetheart], look, it's Michael Jackson!" -Asher
"Why must you hurt me?" -Sweetheart
"I'd care about 2 extra cents on a full tank of gas." -Darlin'
"What? The other day you paid me $1.25 for a sharpie." -Sam
"Looks like a roller cycle" -Asher
Hope you enjoyed this :)
#redacted asmr#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted fandom#redacted verse#redacted headcanons#redactedasmr#redacted audios#redacted geordi#redacted guy#redacted honey#redacted milo#redacted shaw pack#redactedaudio#redacted darlin#redacted damn crew
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Hello, I hope it's not rude but I'm REALLY REALLY fond of your art!!!!! I was scrolling through your blog from new to old and found that you have Bpd,,,. I only heard about this condition, what is it like? If it's ok to know,,,!
hello, thank u! uhm it's something? HAHAHAHA idk how to explain it 😭🏳 lemme try to be as direct as possible
I'm high-functioning, but there are points I seriously just start showing symptoms.
Emotions: INTENSE as it can get while FEELING 99 PERCENT EMPTY. Something just- keeps you so.. hungry (not literally). Sensory is also another factor, and honestly I burn out a lot, tend to get overwhelmed n meltdown like shit
Identity: I either have BEEF WITH it, feel GODLY, or be so LOW, really low. I live with both passion and hate. I'm very confused. But I can say I'm just tired!
Attachments: Relationships are so hard to maintain bc of how much I fear abandonment, like bro I can't even leave my family as much as I want to. I'm more scared of getting disowned or losing my name. Love is a concept I long to grasp at the same time scared of it, I don't understand jackshit about " love ".
> I tend to self-Isolate with or without reason
> ...I used to test other people whether they can handle me or not, whether they'd leave or not. Not anymore though, but the thought lingers.
> Very- paranoid- about.. perception, neglect and invalidity HAHA.
Mindset: They call it Black and White, or generally just two categories to label my perception of things. However, I try to understand AS MUCH AS I CAN about a situation, etc. See what's in-between before I decide. that's really hard for me to do LOL.
> I always do my best to think and be nice
> I can be so fucking bad at the same time, only to regret it the next second or so
> My mind is scattered all over the place, It's exhausting
Trauma: I have memory problems and a lot to connect with that. Hate and fear is what I'm accustomed to. I live with a fuck ton of active predicaments like hell. Old wounds keeps reopening, and new ones never closes.
Impulse: shows in speech more than in action (THANK GOD LMAO I'D DIE IF I LET MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS WIN)
Habits: uhm. Ranging from sunshine and rainbows to SELF-DESTRUCTIVE. I get obsessive, like.. really obsessive.
Coping mechanisms: Usually I have mood stabilizers and anti-depressants n shit, but I don't rely on them anymore (bc I can't keep buying). I don't have good coping mechanisms even for physical needs. It's so bad bro. So I just end up drawing. that's the only good one I can list.
Living with it: Exhausting and an internal war 24/7. Does it affect me physically? Yes. Does it come with other mental factors and conditions? Also yes! But as one of God's most tired soldiers, nothing I can do but keep walking.
What I'm confused about: dawg last time, i kept searching about how conditions co exists like— Thats normal?? N the last diagnosis I was in confirms it does and nothing to worry about. BLUD I AM DEF WORRYING. Autism n bpd? u mean my behavior and shit isnt meant to be invalid as most people perceive — u mean these fckass experiences built that bpd? ☠️ WHAT AM I THEN—
(I'm having a hard time believing it bc as an adult, it's harder to process information like these)
#messyr#uhh HAHA! people n my environment -- is like- all fun and games until you actually start showing mentally ill shit yknow?#like whoa didnt know ur fkin crazy or like in a way theyll say or avoid bc they cant handle what theyre seeing#some stays to understand and help and i am VERY grateful for them.#bpd#no i dont mind answering questions like these#if anything i like sharing the experience bc ik other people are able to relate to it or have the same#at least they know they are heard and valid#comorbid conditions
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Can I ask your opinion on radiobelle/charlastor and radiodust? I'm just curious because, other than chaggie, they were like THE ships pre-show while radioapple was pretty rare, and now it's kinda the other way around, and huskerdust shippers finally getting fed
I don't really favour any Alastor ship over the other (huge multishipper over here) and I haven't found a problem that can't be solved or made worse with a polycule, actually (with Alastor centre stage <3)
AYYYE! Hello my fellow Alastor multishipper! And yes, of course! I'd love to share my opinions and thoughts :3
When I first saw radiobelle/charlastor I felt kind of weird about it - this was before the show even dropped. While I wasn't active in the fandom after watching the pilot, I still saw things here and there, and radiobelle never really did it for me.
Recently though, I've been coming across some super cute radiobelle fan-art, and honestly? The ship doesn't really bother me. In fact, it's kind of growing on me.
I know people like to rave about how Alastor is like a "father figure," or Charlie "saw" him as a father figure, especially during the "Dad Beat Dad" episode. But, like, it's really not that big of a deal. They are, in no way, actually related. There is no familial ties to them aside from words and perceived feelings. And even if she does truly see him as a father figure, fandom is THE place to go to change canon and do whatever you want with the characters. That's what it's always been and that's what it's always going to be.
Besides, the ship has a lot of cute potential and I'm so here for it. I think one of the reasons people hate on it so much is this weird, perceived power-difference/imbalance between them. What with Charlie being this wide-eyed, hopelessly optimistic, and sometimes very naive women, and Alastor being this darker, manipulative, seemingly "older" man. I can see how that would squick people out, especially with the idea of Alastor manipulating/using Charlie.
However, I'd like to argue that Charlie is a grown-ass adult. Considering how the aging process works in Hell (particularly with Hellborn. Particularly with hellborn royalty, considering Lucifer is a fallen angel who's older than time itself and yet looks like he could be the same age or younger than Alastor), Charlie could be leagues older than Alastor. Maybe she's actually a couple hundred years old in Earth years, but she's considered in her mid twenties in Hell years.
As for the manipulation thing, we've been shown several times in the show that Charlie won't put up with Alastor's bullshit, and that she'll even call him out on it. I don't think she's as naive to Alastor's manipulation or schemes as everyone thinks she is.
I'm not a die-hard radiobelle shipper or anything, but I think its a pairing that has a lot of cute and wholesome potential. I think it gets WAY more hate than it deserves. (Besides, has no one considered the absolute hilarity of Lucifer meeting up with his daughter for the first time in years, and getting introduced to her creepy, dark, sadistically weird boyfriend with an obsession with 20th century radio? Does no one else find that fucking hilarious?? Just me??)
As for radiodust, I wasn't weirded out by it like I was with radiobelle. Originally, I was just kind of meh about the ship. But also like radiobelle, I've been seeing more content of it and its starting to grow on me. An Alastor/Husk/Angel Dust polycule actually sounds kind of cute, and has the potential for a very interesting dynamic to play around with.
My general consensus: While I'm not a die-hard shipper of radiobelle or radiodust, I like the pairings and I can see why other people would like them too.
Additional, to those who do dislike these two ships, that's okay. Some pairings just aren't to your taste, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes a pairing just squicks you out. That's fine. Just don't harrass other people who do like it. If you do not like these pairings, then move on and read/watch/look at something you do like. It's that simple.
I have mad respect for both of these ships because, like you said, dear Anon, they were what kept the Hazbin fandom going for years. Let's show some respect for our elders, people. Honor those who came before 🫡
#I get peoples dislike for these ships#and really its okay#you're not obligated to like a ship#just don't harrass other people for it#or make up reasons about why THEY shouldn't ship it#do you not have better things to do with your time?#go find something you do like and maybe you'd stop being so pissy#I do have a fondness for both ships even if I don't outright look for content of them#they're cute#and they have so much interesting story potential#asks#anon#anonymous#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin alastor#the radio demon#alastor the radio demon#hazbin hotel alastor#charlie morningstar#hazbin charlie#angel dust#angel dust hazbin hotel#angel hazbin hotel#radiobelle#radiodust#charlastor
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I will forever be thinking about Red Hood's fall in the vat. Just the angst of it is just *chef's kiss*
The sentiment of betrayal from Joker at Batman, the shame and guilt of Batman for failing Joker. I bet they both think about that moment a lot, wondering what could've been (specially Bruce on that) Did they remember the exact date? Have nightmares about it?
I wish comics would dwell on that more
Not entirely sure if you're the same Anon, but it felt like these two asks are connected. And I gotta say, yes, 100% agree.
I love the original portrayal of the fall into the vat, the way it was done before Zero Year. I do love what Snyder did with Joker, but I really dislike what he did with his origin in that comic. Making Red Hood obsessed with Batman from the very start, making him let go and smile as he does it to spite Batman... it entirely redefines his motivations and makes him too much about Batman. The way I personally reconcile Zero Year and The Killing Joke plus all other depictions of the acid vat fall (like in It's Joker Time) is through what Bruce and Joker need to believe.
Snyder's already established that Bruce and Joker remember things differently. In Endgame, Joker accuses Batman of having pushed him off a cliff in Death of the Family, when in actuality it was Joker himself who let go. In a similar manner, I think that Bruce is remembering Red Hood's fall as done intentionally to spite him because he'd rather not see it as a suicide attempt, done by someone scared and at the end of his rope. It's easier to think of it that way, isn't it? Red Hood was crazy and refused to let Batman save him on purpose; it wasn't that Batman failed to do it, it wasn't that he scared the guy so much he chose to go over a railing.
But well, I do forgive Snyder for this, because he's the one to write most of these moments of conflict when it comes to Joker's feelings towards Batman... like in Endgame, and Batman (2011) #48.
I can't help but gush over some more depictions of it though, like in the following story:
Batman: Black and White (2020) #2 -- The Spill
I love this little comic for this, for showing Joker pissed off at his supposed dependence on Batman and being like "You know what, fuck you, this time I'm letting you die". And then Batman being incapable of not saving him, even after Joker was going to walk away.
Then there's Joker's nightmare in Knight Terrors, even more recently:
Knight Terrors: The Joker (2023)
Beautiful imagery of Bruce stuffing his mouth with lobster aside... Joker's nightmare is basically Batman dying, and then him being incapable of finding another purpose. Him managing to kill Batman isn't shown as something victorious for him, it's realizing that he put too many of his eggs in one basket and thinking that perhaps he doesn't like that. That being so obsessed with Batman is not something he wants. God, there's so much to say about Knight Terrors and Joker's portrayal in it, but perhaps the most potent imagery is at the end of his nightmare. Joker's always wanted to infect everyone else with his laughter, with his way of thinking... and it finally happens. But then, he doesn't want it, because what Gotham wants to do now is destroy Batman. To kill order, sense:
Knight Terrors: The Joker (2023)
This is a literal depiction of Joker's conflicted feelings over Batman, because his psyche split after Batman's death. Part of him became Batman in the absence of him, and part of him remained a Joker who refused to admit Batman was dead. And then these two parts each acted in different ways, gave different orders... the part of him that was pure Joker ordered his followers to not listen to the part of him that needed Batman. Rosenberg, I am kissing you on the mouth for this one.
Oof, I got this long and didn't even mention Joker War, but yeah! In case you haven't read these two stories, I recommend them for showcasing Joker's conflicted love/hate relationship with Batman, and what he means to him.
#batjokes in your divorce era... my beloved#asks#long post#batjokes#batjokes meta#joker#joker meta#batman#tw suicide mention
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I must admit I'm getting this horrible image in my head of Tarn as that type of creepy guy who donates way too much money to a streamer and then absolutely loses it when he hears they're not single.
That's probably accurate lol. Although unlike (seemingly) most people in this fandom, I blame Megatron more for turning Tarn into that kind of obsessed freak than I do Tarn for being a freak. I mean, my view is basically "you reap what you sow/the monster you created turned around and bit you" so I don't really have sympathy for Megatron with regards to Tarn showing up and ruining his life lol. I actually really like the DJD coming in MTMTE as basically the living embodiment of karma and Megatron's comeuppance about not being able to run away from/ignore his past.
Like blah blah "no matter how sad your backstory is you're still responsible for your own actions" but also Megatron is literally 100% the reason Tarn is Like That, and Megatron also used parasocial manipulation, propaganda, and his grandiose personality to manipulate the Decepticons into worshipping/following him without question. So like. It's fiction, I don't have to be all "well they're all problematic" I can just be like "lol, lmao even" and point and laugh as Megatron gets fucked up by Tarn and the DJD because he can't talk his way out of this problem.
#squiggle answers#i'm not mad at you or thinking you're saying anything#i'm just very fond of dying of the light and i enjoy megatron suffering#i love how dying of the light is like megatron's personal torment nexus of getting trapped by his bad decisions#but also getting other people dragged down with him by accident#and then he's so fucking pathetic that he can't even compromise his 'pacifism' to save those people he dragged down#and then he lashes out in anger and becomes violent and hateful again and slaughters the whole DJD#i love that shit. love when megatron is fucked up and dysfunctional#i'm not saying i wanted him to become WORSE and like die a horrible fate per se#i'm just saying that i disagree with most of the fandom when they're like aww let this old man rest and tarn should fuck off he's a loser#i'm like nah. put megatron in the blender. don't let him just suddenly decide to be a pacifist and then that's it. make him fuck up#ough sorry it's just. i like megatron getting better but i also like him staying bad lol#like i want him to get redeemed but i also still want him to be fucked up and full of anger and hatred. if that makes sense#but yeah. not to be a tarn defender or anything but like#sometimes the fandom seems like it listened too much to the part where megatron was like#'i was happy i was at peace and you ruined everything'#meanwhile i'm sitting there like: yeah they ruined it. and so what. it's your fault. you don't get to be peaceful and happy#when you still have mistakes that you need to address and do something about instead of running away#muah. muah. muah. love dying of the light#i wanted to rip megatron apart from being so pathetic but i was also like. awww sad old man#mostly i wanted to rip him apart tho lol
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Holy shit dude, Peggy haters on this webbed site have the weirdest fucking takes
I mean honestly, talk about willfully ignoring canon to form your own (wrong) opinions about a character...
#it's mostly the hardcore stucky shippers tbh#like...ship whoever you want#i like stucky just fine as a ship but damn#you're gonna hate on peggy for no fucking reason?#peggy carter#agent carter#captain america#captain america: the first avenger#ca: tfa#like i've literally seen posts saying that peggy was a nazi collaborator#or that she was based on a nazi double agent from the comics and therefore mcu peggy was basically a nazi as well like ?????#i saw one post that claimed steve was indifferent towards her in tfa and i'm just....#i'm sorry did we watch the same movie?#and the poster claimed the reason steve was 'indifferent' was so that marvel could have deniability about steve being in love with a 'nazi'#but ALSO so that real neo-nazis could believe that steve DID love a 'nazi' so that disney could make their money either way#like don't get me wrong disney sucks as a corporation#but i genuinely don't think they put that much thought into their writing of the steve/peggy relationship#tl;dr stucky stans on this hellsite act like fuckin twitter users in the levels of ridiculousness they reach at for their beloved ship#and it's fucking hilarious#also peggy carter supremacy and peggy haters can die mad about it idgaf
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.
#vent post essay ahead lol#having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like#i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to#like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m#i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s#i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's#it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus#i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li#i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like#ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know#and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik#my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine#makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS#it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum#fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri#you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though#so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do#and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode#and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear
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Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes
#also my colleague (the girl i had my shift with) is the exact opposite of me in all aspects. asked me if I'd ever worked in customer service#because i couldn't care less about being fake friendly to assholes and don't care if they like the service or not#like bitch those people don't have any other choice but drink our fucking coffee it's not like I'm competing with anyone#or like they pay us in any way. i get paid for doing the dumb work i have to do not for stroking some dumb ass doctors' egos#they come out of their rooms once an hour to get coffee and we have the cups on the table and i wouldn't even Think of#HANDING them the cups and smiling sweetly at them and asking 'coffee? tea?? :))'#I'll just assume these grown adults will get their stupid coffee or tea when they want some. it's not like they don't know where it is#(and i AM friendly and smile when someone is coming in our direction but why the fuck do you need to get so disgustingly friendly with them#if someone held up a cup asking if i.want some coffee I'd leave immediately even if i came just for coffee. it's creepy)#anyway. she's nice. I'm not.#there's normal people who will get their coffee and maybe ask if the milk in the little jug is cow milk to which I'll happily reply 'yes#:)'. then there's the other people who see the oat milk and make it clear they are the most insufferable people on the planet#(and i pity their patients so much. not much to choose from i guess but if i had that as a doctor I'd happily just die)#like everyone who took oatmilk could do it without making a fuss about the cow milk on the table. the cow milk lovers could never#'the oat milk is in front of the actual milk. this is unacceptable. i hate such healthy bullshit' lol okay#'OAT milk?? I'll leave this to the horses! THANK GOD you have actual milk!'#my favorite was the one who really took personal offense with its sheer presence. as if it had killed half of his patients lmao#'we had 50 patients with xyz problem. ALL of them drink oat milk. they cannot see the connection. it's really unhealthy'#at this point i just said i didn't care and stopped paying attention and he started complaining to his doctor colleague about how#oat milk is advertised to be healthy and how it's actually the opposite and i just find that very funny compared to the first comment#from that one guy who doesn't like such healthy bullshit. you guys need to find a consensus on the oatmilk issue i think. no one takes you#seriously if you contradict yourself like this. also i couldn't care less about the healthiness of the milk alternative of my choice. bitch.#next week I'll end up killing someone. i hope they all die from their cow milk. (but not the ones who took cow milk and didn't say anything#about the oat milk. they can continue living as they didn't annoy me)#void screams#some of these doctors were actually quite nice (most of them even). one even brought an applicant to us telling her to get some coffee#(which we are not allowed to give to applicants. but i don't care. I'd rather they get something than some of the asshole jury members#who hate oat milk (which is not the issue. the issue is them making it everybody else's issue that they don't like oat milk))
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Some clowns are posting about it in the tag and I've gotten a bunch of new followers recently interested in GG Strive, so I just wanna take a sec and remind everyone that Strive's arcade mode, the part of the game where Bridget (with encouragement from Goldlewis and Ky to decide for herself how she wishes to identify) decides that she is a girl after all, doesn't have "bad" endings. It's not like the last games where certain routes lead to really obviously unfortunate outcomes. Bridget being referred to with she/her pronouns in text (like her official bio and ArcSys tweets) confirms that the ending where she realizes that she is a girl after all is her canon ending for the arcade mode. ArcSys do their localization (ie, translations) in-house so saying it's a mistranslation doesn't have even a toe to stand on either.
And for the love of all life PLEASE stop using machine translators for Japanese. They are all notoriously bad at Japanese because of how nuanced the language is. Yes, even DeepL.
#groomed#textpost#Sorry I keep posting about this specifically but god I wish I had encouragement back when I was questioning like Bridget#Goldlewis and Ky being supportive and making sure that Bridget makes this decision on her own but that she also knows she has support for-#-whichever decision she decides to make just hits me right in the feels#All trans people being into being trans is a stupid fucking no braincells take#I'm trans but I didn't know it was something you were allowed to do until I was like 20#Everything I knew about trans people before then depicted them as a joke or everyone hated them or they 'regretted' it bc it was a story-#-written by some transphobe shithead#I WISH I had someone who sat me down and was like 'this is a thing you can do if it feels right to you but it's only a decision u can make'#I ALWAYS knew something wacky was going on with my gender but I never confronted it until I was like 24#I had these feelings DESPITE being raised in an environment EXTREMELY hostile towards trans people#So fuck you if you think trans people can only be groomed into being trans#I wasted so many years hating myself and who I was because I thought if I changed my gender I would be hated and a joke#Then I finally did it and I'm so happy with myself now#I used to legit be unable to look at myself in the mirror I hated myself so much#Now I'm fucking jacked and wear whatever I want and I love myself so much#I'll crush every transphobe skull under my giant goth boot#Shit your guts out & die 1000 agonizing deaths if you think Bridget didn't make this decision on her own based on feelings she's always had#Her and I are transitioning in different directions (I'm trans masc) but her story is so relatable#I have absolutely no tolerance for anyone talking bad about her and I will fight on this hill until the day I die
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Hab Das Mädchen, das allein nach Haus geht zuende geguckt. Ganz offensichtlich ist der Grund, aus dem Nina in den nächsten Folgen nicht mehr dabei ist, der, dass sie zusammen mit Julie in den Flieger gestiegen ist und die beiden zusammen ein neues Leben angefangen haben. Ganz eindeutig. Eine andere Erklärung gibts nicht.
#yes hello i'm not particularly emotionally affected by this but this is a very nice way to deny the ending#those two were gay as fuck and i just know they're living their best life in spain or something#kaj rambles#some negativity ahead tho so stop reading if you don't wanna see me bitch about this episode#unnecessary long tag in between just so you really do have the opportunity to stop reading if you don't want to see the negativity#actually hated most of this ep for reasons wholly unrelated to nina's death#pretty much everything between her and karow was just annoying#and sorry but the death scene was. so bad.#und ich wiederhole mich aber warum zum fick hat eigentlich im tatort nie jemand ne schutzweste an???#ja ich weiß nina hatte eine und hat sie julie gegeben. die eigentliche frage ist warum hatten sie keine für julie dabei???#ist ja nicht so als wäre yashas schießwut unerwartet gekommen.#anyway#tatort berlin#nina rubin#das mädchen das allein nach haus geht
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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i really do love practicing 🎻
#i'm in music school so now it's a much more significant source of my already very significant fears#but practicing only feels stressful when i don't do it enough and i'm trying to 'catch up'#some weeks fly past me like hurricanes and i get to my lesson and i can't say i've made any progress and that fucks me up#and i don't think that's ever going away- like i'll always have weeks like that cuz everyone has bad days and bad weeks#from time to time#but when i plan correctly (which is becoming more and more the norm for me) my practicing is something im really proud of :)#i have a System. i didn't do very well before i had it and i would die without it now.#i get excited about learning! i get excited having realizations abt things to change or work on when i practice!#it feels experimenty a lot of the time and i like it!!!#i have a lot of catching up to do in terms of comparing myself to others but i'm not here for them i'm here for me#i will do my best and i will learn from others of course but my goals are to make my Me better first and worry abt other people later#i won't lose sight of that#<- and when it doesn't feel experimenty it can be calming to just be like okay ik what i need to do now just. Practice. Repeat.#i mean music is a fucking rollercoaster and sometimes you are at the bottom and i hate that but it comes w the territory#sometimes you're just Stuck but you do get past it and in those moments i just try to think back to previous times ive felt like that#ive felt horribly shitty before and gotten through it and come out the other side slightly better!#life is like that i think#anyways. hashtag iris loves music and being a musician 🙄 nothing new over here hehe
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I think if there's one thing that truly, truly exhausts me about fandom now is when people very vehemently and passionately take sides and hate certain characters over others and dedicate entire blogs just to how much they hate those characters
it's not even in a "be nice, let people enjoy things" kind of way, like that's whatever, I don't need anyone's permission to enjoy anything.
it's more that it's just exhausting. it's just so much work to hate a character like that, especially if you're the type of blog to seek out empirical evidence to back up your viewpoints.
it's one thing to dislike a character and to talk about it. it's another thing to start like, a full-blown campaign trying to get other people on your side. aren't you tired?? don't you have like, actual real life things to do? go clean your room.
#the discourse I'm dodgin' lmao#but literally every fandom I'm 'in' right now has this issue#every fandom has always had this issue#hotd fandom is full of bickering about Ali and Nyra#and how TB sucks and TG is perfect or vice versa#Legacies fandom CONSTANTLY pitted the twins against each other which I found esp ironic#given that the twins themselves were more ride or die for each other than anyone else#YJ has all of the arguing about whether Ja or Sh was the better/worse friend#people starting Je hate blogs just b/c they don't understand and/or like some jokes about him being a malewife#just. so much. bickering.#and meanwhile I'm the type to be like 'they're all messy fuckers and I love them for that' in every situation#so I just can't quite grasp having fun doing it the other way#to each their own and everything but damn#I'm exhausted just thinking about putting that much effort into being angry about fictional people lmfao#also obvi I'm not the fandom police y'all can do whatever the fuck you want#I just can't relate
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I'm watching the new Sad Boyz episode and Jarvis has been talking about Fall Out Boy for thirty minutes and I'm juuust. not enjoying it
#I hate FOB#I'm so sorry I wish I didn't and I feel bad for it#but oh my god I hate them so much#the second concert I went to was a FOB concert. I was like 13 or 14 I guess?#anyway I was an emo kid so I did kinda like them#but they were my best friend's favourite band so I wasn't allowed to REALLY like them#but she wanted to go to the concert so I had to too.#it was a horrible experience and I had a huge panic attack because we got pushed close to the mosh pit and I couldn't move#because I was a TINY teenage girl#and I genuinely thought I was gonna die.#idk what little I saw of the show was good I think. but the fans really fucking sucked. like damn you have to be an asshole if you see#basically A KID full on sobbing and still not help them get out or anything or stop pushing and all that.#soo yeah idk it was all around just a horrible day and I haven't listened to their music since and I get really anxious when I think about#them.#funny thing is the next concert I went to after that was with my little brother and that same friend. it was a shitty german rapper#that I can't stand. BUT the fans there were so damn lovely to us. they looked out for us the whole time and everything. maybe because they#were mostly older idk#man I really hate concerts now though.#BUT I love Jarvis and I will keep watching the episode and it's fine and hopefully they'll move on soon....#personal
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if i start posting about my one copia-coded oc. well. be ready for that.
#thinking about her so much lately. she kills people for her dad who pretends he's not her dad. she's autistic. she's never been truly loved.#she loves ants and has an ant farm and leaves old food all over her bedroom so more ants will come over.#she has a ridiculous makeup routine she has to do every day or she'll die. she eats string cheese and cold boiled eggs and energy drinks.#she has a younger half-brother who's a marine biologist and hates her.#her entire character arc is her wanting to get fucked so bad she orchestrates a coup.#she's jesus coded (dies age 33 and comes back).#somehow i made her long before i ever knew copia existed. but i'm sure you can see now why he appeals to me so much.#anyway i wrote one egregiously long book about her but it ended up in my backlog. and got kinda unwieldy.#so i'm gonna pick it for scraps + write another one and just. focus on what really matters this time (all of the above things).#she's probably my favorite oc like i for real have written something in the range of 250k words of content about her.#anyway. ANYWAY.
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"he followed you home through the time vortex!"
#literally fuck off#dw rewatch#i KNOW THEY NEEDED TO WRITE ROSE OUT BUT THERE'S NOOOOO REASON SHE HAD TO STAY GONE.#fuck just say she can regenerate new face done#retcon a bit so jack can too#it would be funny#if we're running on vibes then why the hell not#truly just!!!#we could have rose running around in the background someplace not even in every episode maybe she has some Important Thing#to do with earth Torchwood as an excuse but the Doctor (any of them) can randomly#be like ''yeah you should see my Rose'' ''your girlfriend? your wife?'' ''MY ROSE!''#bc hey he (or she!) has someone! there would be no more romantic drama around!#I will die on that hill#60 years and the Doctor only really loved two women? give us another ten then before introducing any more romantic drama I'm begging I hate#doctor/companion romances soooooo much#more companion/companion!!!!! HOW ABOUT VILLAIN/COMPANION!!!!!!#just keep the doc out of it thank you#Rose is my exception I'm mad that she is because truly my hill is ''no romance on the silly scifi show'' but she won me over
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