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quitealotofsodapop · 9 months

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Hmm...if Mac absorbs the egg - does that mean he would have a rock in his gut? How would that even work? Would the egg be draining Mac's magic as a form of sustenance to replace the umbilical cord? Imagine the panic those monkeys would have - "Didn't your rock blow up when you were born?!" "Calm down, I doubt it's gonna go all chestburster on you! I hope." "Chest-what?!" "Oh, right, you haven't seen the movies..." "WUKONG!" - or does the *baby* go to Mac and leaves an empty rock for SWK to use?

OK Im calling a Long Post warning; cus its a long answer, and gives a pretty good idea Why the plot happens.

Basically the stone "Egg" MK comes from was a comet containing Something. The Jade Emperor and a bunch of other Celestials noticed it coming right for earth and started panicing. To anyone not in the know, it just looked like an unseasonable meteor shower over Megapolis.

SWK is summoned cus the Jade Emperor had Visions of what was in the "Egg"; an infant Stone Monkey that could transform into an Eldritch Abomination. Jade Emperor gives the order of scrambled stone egg.

SWK and a bunch of other characters are Not Down For It; so they teleport to SWK's Shame Temple (seen in "Imposssible Delivery") to hopefully catch the Egg before it lands.

Coincidentally; The Shame Temple happens to be where Macaque was put to rest hundreds of years ago, and he's just Woken Up (more details on Why later) to his ex-best-friend/possible soulmate standing there.

Moskha and Nezha have to keep the monkeys apart long enough to form a plan.

The comet that contains the Egg finally crashes down, and begins leaking a horrific chaotic energy thats ripping apart the reality around it. It takes the power of SWK, Nezha, Mohska, and Guanyin herself to perform a ritual to contain the energy within a confined space.

Problem was that when The Egg hit the earth, it had cracked open. But unlike SWK and Mac, it had not developed a body for its soul to survive in just yet.

Wukong has a rare lightbulb moment.

Wukong: "Hey, if *our* eggs held us - then could we use our old shells to patch it up and let it finish cooking?"

Macaque: "Thats the stupidiest idea you've ever had. Lets do it."

Guanyin gives the thumbs up, and Macaque takes SWK's place in the ritual, summoning all his shadow powers to keep the Soul within the temple. SWK causes some chaos zipping around to Flower Fruit Mountain and the Moon for the remains of his and Mac's stone eggs.

SWK patches the broken Cosmic Egg with the remaining shells, successfully trapping the energy.

Then Macaque's control on the shadows faulter, causing the Cosmic Egg to zoom towards him (Samadhi Fire flashbacks anyone?) and hit just before Wukong can jump in for a save; the Soul contained within the Egg absorbing into Macaque's body and leaving behind a seemingly normal egg-shaped rock in Wukong's hands.

Everyone starts panicking.

Guanyin explains: since the Soul existed outside of the natural order, it couldnt just simply jump into the nearest body like a reincarnation. It needed similarly un-natural progenitors.

In essense; the undercooked MK soul was like: "Where am I?! What am I!? Why am i so cold!? Where's my parents!?" *sees SWK and Macaque fixing his egg* "Oh, there they are, my bad."

Which means that Shadowpeach just metaphorically and *literally* concieved a future mystic Monkey.

Macaque is NOT HAPPY and immediately jumps to beat the crap out of SWK.

Moksha has to stop herself from laughing cus; "Bro you just magically knocked up your ex.", while Nezha looks horrified cus he thinks he just saw what Stone Monkey baby-making looks like.

Guanyin advises the two monkeys that if they keep things civil, the Soul will likely incarnate into a physical body and get born as an infant Monkey demon do. But there's a catch:

On a gross physical scale; its not an issue. Mystic Monkeys exist outside the natural category of creatures, and are shapeshifters to boot, meaning that Macaque already had built-in "equipment" to carry a kid. Its just him and SWK never "tried" making more of themselves - a war and a bad break-up put a damper on any family planning they had.

On a magical + spirtual scale though? : Its Dangerous.

The mystical pregnancy takes so much energy from Macaque that he needs to in-turn "steal" energy from other life sources in order to keep both of them healthy/alive. SWK thankfully cannot die and can replenish his energy on his own via food and rest, but the HP donation in turn drains his powers.

Basically by deciding to spare the Egg, Sun Wukong and Macaque have become functionally Mortal until MK is able to provide for himself.

As for the leftover shell; SWK presents it to the Jade Emperor as evidence that he "scrambled" whatever was inside. The celestials present can tell that whatever was in there, isnt anymore, so they accept that SWK did as he was told.

Except for Erlang Shen who's like; "SWK would never do what he's told! This is sus. Imma keep my eye on you if anything new enters the celestial realm."

SWK: "Fine by me, imma go back to being retired and having my main antagonists sealed away."

Once its confirmed that the Celestial Realm considers the Egg destroyed; SWK and Macaque agree to hide in plain sight among the mortal world for the time being. There's a *few* hiccups along the way ofc, but by the time MK is born, they're settled into the apartment above Pigsy's, and faking being a "Completely Normal (Demon) Couple With Baby", and are getting forcibly adopted by the reincarnations of the old JTTW gang.

Cue the rest of the story, and Shadowpeach forgetting where the Fake Relationship ends and where the "Whoops, you're still my soulmate!" begins.

And the three Realms collectively crapping themselves when MK picks up the staff.

And yes; Wukong would worry about the possibly of MK being born chestburter-style. Macaque would then yell at him and banish him to his cloud for the night.

I'm close to finishing the first chapter, so please continue sending asks for more details you'd like to know, and I'll answer without giving away too many spoilers.

Tldr: No rock in Macaque's gut, just baby. Leftover cosmic eggshell used to juke the god. MK is the result of a Covalent Bond. Guanyin is an amazing Fairy Godmother

#the monkey king and the infant au #the monkey king and the infant #lmk shadowpeach #lmk shadowpeach au #lmk tmkati au story events #Sun Wukong and Macaque are MK's parents #sun wukong #six eared macaque #liu er mihou #qi xiaotian #lmk guanyin #lmk nezha #lmk moksha #lmk jade emperor #lmk s4 spoilers #monkey mk #long post #pregnancy tw #shipping

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night-dark-woods · 18 days

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ok Exordia review time (not spoiler free!) since i finished it a few days ago. this is long and rambling and unedited.

4/5 i love Seth's writing and im glad they got to play with scifi again BUT i think they needed a better editor OR to split it more cleanly into sections- in one of the interviews they said it was originally a series of novellas each from a single POV, and i think the constraint of that would have made it a much tighter story.

one of the best things about their Destiny lore is how much they do with so little- thinking of this section from the Beyond Light CE:

Disaster at the worksite. Clearly we will not be moving Clarity Control like we did the K1 artifact. It reacted violently to the attempt. I have entered 19 casualties into the log, since 19 engineers from the Hannu team were caught in its reaction...though there were many more than 19 bodies when it was finished. I have sequestered the recordings. Especially the sensorium telemetry. Quite upsetting. Yet I do not believe it was an act of hostility. Even this outburst carried themes of duplication...as if Clarity Control wanted to show it could help me.

which i was originally thinking of as a first run at Blackbird, but i think these may have been simultaneous? i'm not actually sure. i know Exordia was started after the first Baru book was published, but i'm not sure how much lead time there is for the CEs.

or the clarity of Unveiling compared to a lot of what felt like similar ideas that took much longer to get thru in Exordia. primes. pink noise. math. alright lets fucking gooo oh wait. five more pages of ethics first. okay sure i'll do that for ya Seth bc i love your prose. which also. a) conway game of life mentioned!!! b) this part from Exordia made me LOSE MY MIND:

But that was impossible. The whole universe came from the same source: the same designers. I was part of one of them. If I could only remember... We were arguing, I think. Or maybe we were the argument, because gods cannot do things, they can only be them. We were in contest over the morality of infinities: the cardinality of all possible souls measured against the mere infinity of souls to ever be born...

(this is the part from Unveiling, for the optimistically two people who will read this who haven't read Destiny lore):

Once upon a time,* a gardener and a winnower lived** together in a garden.*** * It was once before a time, because time had not yet begun. ** We did not live. We existed as principles of ontological dynamics that emerged from mathematical structures, as bodiless and inevitable as the primes. *** It was the field of possibility that prefigured existence. They existed, because they had to exist. They had no antecedent and no constituents, and there is no instrument of causality by which they could be portioned into components and assigned to some schematic of their origin. If you followed the umbilical of history in search of some ultimate atavistic embryo that became them, you would end your journey marooned here in this garden.

at the same time, idk what i would remove- at very few points was i reading something that dragged, with the exception of spending a LOT of time with Erik and Clayton in the middle (this is when i put the book down for a month and a half or so). and i know so many people were like sickos.jpg about them However their dynamic did sooo little for me and i don't think Rosamaria was given enough time on the page (and i think having her Be the ship was weird- i recognize that Blackbird needs to have a voice to make the plot go, but i don't think this was the best or neatest way to do it, and collapsed a lot of what i found fundamentally so interesting about Blackbird into something akin to a standard scifi Ship AI).

again i think the restriction of each section of the story being from a single POV might have been the restriction needed to end up with a tighter story- at no point were the multiple plot threads & POVs confusing, per say, but i'm not sure what the structure did for the story bc we could switch to whoever could tell us the most about what was happening whenever convenient, instead of having to piece things together from a limited POV. i'm thinking again of the BLCE, this time the part where Clovis is talking about Maya Sundaresh behaving erratically- i'm no Ishtar group expert but i believe we are supposed to put together that these are all different iterations of her from within the garden). oh- i also wonder if Aixue and Chaya are another run at Maya and Chioma to some degree...

anyway. i also think i am also less the target audience for this book because seth loooves their trolley problems and i simply do not have the patience for it! i loved the hard scifi and the first contact aspects and the character work (Seth's character work is, as always, spectacular. their characters always feel deeply real and flawed in very human ways, while still being exaggerated in the ways characters have to be to function as plot fulcrums), but this isnt something like Baru where i can be like yes you should read this to everyone i talk to.

I think the language in the book is DELIGHTFUL, as always, especially how Seth plays with the idea of an alien translator that sometimes can get an English equivalent to something and sometimes can't! i think that's very fun. because it's on my mind bc ive been listening to the Shelved by Genre episodes on it, it makes me think of Book of the New Sun, and how the "translator" figure of G.W. talks about picking words that are close but they aren't being used like we would use them now- e.g. "metal" in BotNS isnt the same thing we think of as metal! its used more broadly! but its close enough in purpose and point to work just fine. the destriers have horns. i need to know if Seth has read these books.

but back to Exordia. here are some specific prose parts i fucking loved.

this part of the full-page loving, detailed, and technical description of 40 alien nukes detonating in atmosphere:

In the band of thickening atmosphere twenty-five to thirty-five kilometers above the Earth, these gamma rays slam into atoms of oxygen and nitrogen, stripping their orbiting electrons. The orphaned electrons hurtle away at 90 percent of lightspeed. They want to go in a straight line, but hold on now, it's not so easy to leave home. Earth's magnetic field bends their course. They begin to spiral down. When an electron moving near lightspeed has to turn, it emits synchrotron radiation. Poison light. And beneath each bomb there are 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 electrons swerving at once. The result is a blast of electromagnetic noise. No: not noise. A coherent pulse, spiking and faling in harmony. Shiva's own beat drop on electrical civilization. An EMP.

This part. i love Anna and wish we got more of her.

He gives her back her Glock. She accepts it with resignation. "You'd better get your men ready," she says. "It's going to be bad." "Women too," he says, trying for lightness. "The pilot's a woman. We've got a female forward surgeon, a psyops lead, a linguist- she's pretty badass, ran with SEALs in Afghanistan. And Lt. Gainer, she might have some advice for-" "For what?" Anna says calmly. "Advice for what, Erik? How to get killed in a feminine way?"

Seth has such a good and specific way of writing metaphors. a little bit Douglas Adams:

The upshot is: the air around the engine exhaust beam explodes outward with a sound like a tuning fork hit by a Space Shuttle launch. Lung-jellying power. Anything in the beam path suffers the short, severe influence of a needle faster and hotter than a vajra thunderbolt. Anything around the beam eats fireball.

& this part. again. i wish more of the book was Anna and Ssrin's fucked up kismessitude. or whatever.

She slides the barrel of the weapon into the uppermost crater on Ssrin's spine. Slick pain makes Ssrin hiss in psuvoluntary fury: psuvoluntary because it is reflex subject to veto- she could quash it, but the feeling is deliciously wrong, and it is so good to bare her fangs and to unleash that ancient khai instinct of pain-as-motivation. "Questionsss," Ssrin gasps. "I want to know how this story ends." Oh serendura. You'll wish you hadn't asked. You'll wish you'd gone in with your eyes shut and your tongue in your throat so you couldn't smell the poison til it was too late.

which also!!! that's something i love about the Ssrin POV like. Seth is always good at writing aliens and slipping in details that tell us about them. "tongue in your throat" to not smell the poison bc she is a snake alien and smells with her tongue!!! that rules!!!

#bookposting #exordia #this is sooo long sorry #before i reread this i am going to reread blindsight. bc i think a lot of it in in here.#also i cant believe i hadnt even finished exordia when i was writing the gunplay fic. that passage was sitting there waiting for me.#anyway.

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onward--upward · 1 year

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Hi 🦀🦀 some Weird Asks for you: 18 (leaving it up to you to choose the passage), 25, 36 💞

HELLO BELOVED thank u!! 🦀🦀

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

i am going to take this opportunity to talk about my baby boy avery o'connor from steppin' into fate <3 <3

he has a bunch of spare toothbrushes in his bathroom for when friends stay over, in a variety of colours.

he hates beer (bold and controversial opinion for a hockey player.)

his crush on buck was sooooo obvious that it's a running joke on the Kings' social media. he is never ever escaping the obsessed-with-evan-buckley accusations

when he's a little more settled in the league and has a longer contract he goes out and adopts TWO dogs in the summer break. avery o'connor dog dad CONFIRMED

he absolutely goes out and gets a bf at some point i just haven't decided Whom or When

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice... what do you Know?

excellent question!!! the answer is Not A Whole Lot. I know.... terrible retail jobs? academia? oh!!! i know Hockey, but i've already written about that one!

i know Being Bisexual and Stupid, that's why i gravitate towards evan buckley <3

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

Okay this is my favourite question ever!!! I decided to go with the opening to my beloved soulmate AU, stitch my soul, because it was the story that i wrote over the longest period of time so i was interested to go back and see how it changed.

passage and the rest of the answer is under the cut because i don't want to clog up people's dashes <3

from the finished version:

For a long time, the crook of Eddie’s arm read only Ev. For such a long time, even, that his parents sometimes asked him if he was sure it hadn't settled yet. Maybe he had missed the signs. “It could be an unusual name, Eddie,” his mom says one night, when he’s been fighting with Shannon, his girlfriend who isn’t his soulmate, his girlfriend that his parents have never liked very much at all. “Ev. You never know, these days, what people are naming their children.”

“It hasn’t settled,” he’d insisted, because you were supposed to know, when it did. And he’d never felt the shift, the one that you always see in movies when the music swells and everything falls into a sharp focus. There was no click, in his chest, nothing coming together. It just felt… unfinished.

Unsettled.

There are lots of potential reasons that a mark might take a long time to settle into your soulmate’s name. They make it seem like everyone settles right around the time they reach adulthood, but Eddie’s done the research, and he knows that plenty of people don’t settle that early. The experts don’t seem to be able to agree on why it takes longer, for some people. There’s no definitive explanation. And Eddie has never needed one.

Because Shannon shows up on his doorstep at his parents’ house with a positive pregnancy test, and he marries her in a church that his parents pick out, and he enlists in the army because he’s 21 and terrified and he doesn’t have many employable skills. The scrawled Ev on the inside of his forearm doesn’t matter much, in the end, when he’s out there learning to have steady hands and quick problem-solving skills, and practising how to remove a bullet from beneath somebody’s skin. It doesn’t matter much when he’s flying home to cut the umbilical cord and meet his son and then shipping back out to the dust and the sand before any of it really starts to feel real. And he has Shannon – brave, beautiful Shannon. She’s never been his soulmate, and he’s never been hers. But he loves her. And he has Christopher, now, and he loves him, too. And whoever his Ev is, he doubts they would want… all of this, even if he was going to drop everything for them. Which he’s not. So it doesn’t matter. Hasn’t mattered, really, for a long time. He’s not sixteen years old anymore, watching the v fade in, sharp and kind of clumsy, deep black against his skin. He’s not that same kid who was Googling one of those lists that filled in common names to fill out your letters, skimming through them all, breath caught in his throat. Ev is kind of an unusual combination, really – nothing like Adriana’s first two letters, which had come in four days apart, spelling out Ma against her calf, and narrowed absolutely nothing down. Turns out Ev is even rarer when you filter by common names for Eddie’s geographical location. The possibilities used to fill up his head. Eva. Eve. Evelyn.

(Everett. Evan. Evander. He tried to read those ones and forget them, but they lingered just as much. He shoved them to the back of his brain, where they couldn’t quite see the light of day.)

But he isn’t that kid anymore. So he forgets about his letters altogether, for a while. Afghanistan is all his brain has room for, these days, and every spare space left over is filled by Chris. His team brings up soulmates on occasion, the usual locker room ribbing, trying to keep things lighthearted. He listens to cheesy romantic stories from those who’ve already found their match, the whining from those who are unlucky in their search. When the questions turn Eddie’s way, he brushes them off, and they mostly let him be. Nobody wants unhappy stories. There are enough of those out here.

Eddie puts Ev aside.

Christopher gets diagnosed with CP, Shannon is more and more stressed out every time they manage to speak to each other. He sees men and women die beneath his hands, and he wakes up some days to gunfire, and there’s no room anywhere for the little letters on his skin.

now, because i tend to write a lot of my first drafts by hand in notebooks, i actually have the first verison of this! (and my handwriting actually looks nice in this one, yay <3)

when i first wrote this i don't think i really had any idea where i was going with things, i was just thinking: soulmates, eddie's past with shannon, how does that work? and i just kind of sat down and went for it lol.

a lot of this survived to the final version! but it's missing a lot of connective tissue -- it's a much shorter version of the same passage. also i think it's interesting how in the original version i had eddie refering to his soulmate with she/her pronouns, where in the actual fic he always uses they/them even in his own head. this version of eddie i think always knew that his soulmate would be a guy, but shoved that wayyyy down where he didn't have to think about it. but it's one of those things that you do still know, even if you pretend you don't, so i'm glad i took the she/her pronouns out.

anyways i'm actually surprised how cohesive this original version is! a lot of my notebook first drafts include a lot of crossed out lines and false starts, especially if i don't really know where the story is going.

thank you my most beloved, i had wayyyy to much fun with these!!

here are the questions if anyone else wants to hear me ramble about writing <3

#this was SO FUN #sorry about rambling about soulmate au lol idk if anybody cares about my silly first drafts #thank you for the ask frida <3 <3 <3 #my writing #ask games #soulmate au #hockey au #911 fox

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imaginationintowords · 3 years

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Folklore [song series]

epiphany

Modern Day AU! Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff; Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album Folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years

[warnings: death]

word count: 3168

Age: 21 Year: Sep. 2015 Location: Brooklyn, NY

"So I was thinking, godparents," Bucky spoke up. He and Natasha were currently finishing setting up the baby's nursery in their new apartment.

They had found a nice two bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, much to Natasha's dismay. Bucky thought it was the perfect place to start their new little family. It was also about a 20 to 30 minutes drive to Bucky's work and University campus. His mom and stepdad had even offered to help them out financially for a bit, just as long as Bucky continued on his path to graduate with his Masters in Music Technology in the Spring.

Bucky had managed to finish his bachelor's and masters program in just the span of 4 years, a whole year earlier than originally planned. He was proud of himself, if there's one thing he hadn't screwed up yet, it was his education. He had fully devoted himself to his education the last four years and it clearly paid off. He had also managed to get a good paying job at a studio as an engineer. He had his whole future all planned out, the pregnancy might've been a curve ball at the beginning but with the help of his family and therapist, he was handling it all so well.

"Oh you don't need to worry about the godparents, I have it all figured out already," Natasha tells him as she folds baby clothes, "I picked Abigail and Dylan."

Natasha on the other hand had decided to put her education on hold. Deciding she wanted to be a stay at home mom, Bucky constantly made sure that that's what she wanted. And she insisted every time that she was "made to be a stay at home mom". So Bucky had to reluctantly allow her to make that decision.

Which was one of the reasons why his parents had offered to help out for at least the first year or two, they had known their son was already stressing about finances, and trying to respect Natasha's decision. They figured two years would be a good enough time for the couple to build up their savings.

Bucky didn't like the fact that his parents were helping out with money, but he knew him and Nat wouldn't have been able to make it just on is current income alone. At least not until after he graduated, his boss had already promised a raise once he graduated, but that wasn't until May and the baby was due in the next two weeks. He promised to pay his parents back every cent they gave him, but they told him to just focus on being a good father.

"Abigail and Dylan?" He questioned.

"Yeah," she shrugged her shoulders.

"The same Abigail and Dylan that showed up to the baby shower high, and proceed to get drunk, because and I quote 'babies are so boring'. That Abigail and Dylan?"

"Come on James, they were just joking, plus baby showers aren't necessarily the most fun thing in the world," she rolled her eyes.

"Can we at least each choose one godparent?" He suggested, "You can have Abigail as the Godmother and I can choose The Godfather."

"Like Sam?"

"No, not Sam. Steve," Bucky tells her.

"Oh, then no," she simply said, turning her back to him to continue putting clothes away.

"What's your problem?" Bucky asks annoyed, finally having enough of her attitude, "This entire pregnancy you've been against everything I've suggested."

"Hey, you got to choose Brooklyn," she turned around pointing her finger at him.

"Yeah because I couldn't fucking afford Manhattan Natasha," he stressed, trying not to raise his voice at her, "You didn't want to know the gender of the baby? Fine. You get to name the baby? Fine. You choose the color scheme of the nursery, fine. You choose the hospital. You choose the apartment. God damn Nat, I haven't done a single thing but pay for everything."

"And I thank-you for that," she rolled her eyes.

"But you don't," he shakes his head in disbelief over her reactions, "You haven't thanked me once. I get that you're carrying our child, and I'm appreciative of that. But god damn Natasha, show me some respect. Show my family some respect!

"You didn't thank my mom, Rebecca, or Keith for everything they've done for you. For us. And I can't keep making up excuses to defend you," he raises his voice a little bit.

"If this relationship is ever going to work, you need to be respectful. You need to stop being so selfish. I get this isn't easy for you, but trust me, this isn't easy for me either. But I agreed to do this. I am stepping up. I want to be a part of my child's life. And I want us to be together and be family," he calms down, "But if you continue to act this way. I won't stay in this relationship."

"You're just going to abandon us?" Natasha asks grabbing her belly, suddenly realizing the reality of the situation.

"No, I won't abandon you both. But we won't be together," he explains, "I will always be in my child's life. I will always be there for them. I'm not going to put my child through the same thing I went through growing up. I promised myself I would never do that."

"So if that means that you and I break up, then so be it Natasha, I'll do it," he tells her, "My child will not grow up in a toxic household."

"Okay," she agrees, tears in her eyes, "I promise I will be better."

"Don't promise me Nat, just show me."

Two and a half weeks later Bucky found himself rushing an in-labor Natasha to the hospital, it was a quick k10 minute drive from their apartment. He quickly called his mom as the nurses wheeled Natasha away, with Bucky following.

Bucky's mom arrives within the next 10 minutes, as the nurses begin to prep Natasha in her hospital room.

Bucky sent a quick text to Steve and Sam, letting them know it was showtime and that he'll call them once the baby is here.

"How's Mama doing?" The doctor asked while entering the room, quickly taking her spot at the foot of the bed to examine Natasha.

"It hurts," Nat cried, as Bucky tried to soothe her.

"I know, but unfortunately you were too far dilated when you arrived, that it's too late for the epidural," the doctor softly explains, "But the good news is I feel Baby's head, so it's time to go."

Natasha looked over at Bucky, completely scared.

"It's okay," he assured her, "I'm right here. Everything's going to be okay."

He leaned down an placed a soft kiss to her lips, helping her relax a bit.

"Ready?" The doctor looks up at Natasha.

"Yes," Natasha nodded, grabbing a hold of Bucky and his mom's hands on either side of her.

10 minutes later, a soft cry was heard in the room. Bucky quickly glanced over to where the doctor was had finished pulling the baby out.

"Congrats Mommy and Daddy, it's a girl," she announced.

"A girl?" Bucky whispered in awe, tears filling his eyes. He looked over at Natasha, who looked a lot paler in color.

"Nat?" He called out for her.

Her eyes fluttered shut, her limbs went limp, and all the monitors started to go crazy.

The doctor quickly cut the umbilical chord and handed the baby off to an awaiting nurse.

"What's going on?" Bucky panicky asked.

"Get them out," the doctor told a nurse, ignoring Bucky's question.

A nurse quickly escorted Bucky and his mom out of the room.

"She's going to be okay right?" He asked his mom, tears streaming down his face.

"I don't know honey," she honestly said, wrapping her arms around her son. She never thought the first hug they shared after him becoming a father would be like this.

She continued to hold him, soothing him as she made silent prayers pleading for Natasha's safety.

10 minutes later. The same 10 minutes it took for them to arrive to the hospital. The same 10 minutes it took Natasha to bring their daughter into the world, the door opened.

Bucky quickly pulled apart from his mom to see the doctor walking out of the room.

The doctor's face was filled with sorrow. Bucky's mom immediately put her head down, already knowing the outcome.

"How is she?" Bucky asked.

"Mr. Barnes, Natasha had a postpartum hemorrhage, due to issues with her placenta," the doctor carefully explains, "Unfortunately, there was too much blood loss. We weren't able to save her. She died."

Bucky immediately broke down, his mom quickly caught him. The doctor placed a reassuring hand on his back.

He quickly pulled away after a couple of minutes, "The baby. How's the baby?"

"She's good. They took her to get checked just as a safety procedure," the doctor tells him, "She's on the pediatric floor. Would you like to meet her?"

"Yeah," he says, then pauses, "What about Natasha?"

"We can come get you to say goodbye once we get her cleaned," the doctor tells him.

"Okay, thank you," he says.

The doctor takes him and his mom to the pediatric floor. The walk was silent. No one knowing what to say. Bucky was no longer crying, but he felt numb the entire short walk. The doctor knocked quietly on a door, before opening.

"Doctor Monroe, this is Mr. Barnes, the baby's father," the doctor said, before stepping aside to let Bucky in, "Mr. Barnes, I'll have someone come get you when it's time."

"Okay, thank-you," he nodded his head.

"Are you ready to meet your daughter?" Doctor Monroe asked, Bucky nodded his head.

"Meet your Daddy baby girl," the doctor said, gently handing the baby over to Bucky.

Bucky looked down at the small baby in his arms. He was instantly overcome with so many different emotions. The doctor walked out of the room, while Bucky's mom watched from outside threw the window.

"Hi baby girl," he whispered, sniffling back his tears, "You're so beautiful. I'm your dad. And boy am I lucky that you chose me to be your Dad. I always imagined this day would've turned out a lot differently. But life sure knows how to throw some real curveballs."

"Your mom would've loved you," he paused, letting it all sink in. His daughter will have to grow up without a mother. No little girl should have to be without a mom.

"I'm so sorry," he cried, as the baby was lulled to sleep, "I am so sorry your mom won't be able to physically be here. I am so sorry you'll have to grow up without her. No one should have to grow up without a parent. And trust me, I know what that's like. But lucky for us, I had the greatest pleasure of being raised by the most strongest and kindest mother. She taught me everything I know. Your grandma is the best lady you will ever meet. Lucky for us because god knows we're going to be needing her a lot.

"But you and I are incredibly fortunate that we won't ever be alone. We have so many people who care about us. You'll have all the female leadership you can ever need. We can do this," he strongly said to the sleeping baby, "You and I. We can do this. And I promise you this, that no matter what happens, you will always have me. You're stuck with me for the rest of your life. My love for you is greater than anything, anyone I've ever loved. My love for you will always be easy and unconditional. You'll never have to prove your worth to me. You're worth more to me than you can ever possibly imagine. I love you."

Bucky placed a soft kiss to his daughter's forehead. The first kiss he will ever give her, but definitely not the last.

There was a soft knock at the door, he gently called for the person to come in.

His mom quietly opened and closed the door behind her, stepping to her son's side.

"She's beautiful," she smiled down at the little baby.

"She really is," Bucky beamed. He looked over at his mom and noticed she was holding a clipboard, "What's that?"

"Birth certificate," she tells him, "One of the nurses gave it to me. They said there's no rush to fill it out. You have time."

"Here, I can do that," he said gently holding the baby out for her to take.

"Are you sure?" She asked, switching with him.

"Yeah, I have a name anyways."

"What is it?" She looked over at the name written down:

Poppy James Barnes.

[flashback]

After that talk Bucky had with Natasha, he noticed a serious change in her attitude. She was beginning to be more relaxed and more selfless. Bucky felt a tiny weight lifted off his shoulder. Hoping that these changes in her personality would stay.

"So what do you think about James for a boy?" Natasha asked one night, as she and Bucky made dinner together in their small kitchen.

"For a middle name?" He asked confused.

"No, his first name."

"Oh," he paused, "I actually have never liked the idea of giving a child their parents' name. I feel like it doesn't really give them a chance to be their own person. If their parent is successful then they feel the stress of always having to live up to that. And if their parent is crap then they're forever stuck with that reminder of that person."

"That makes sense," she agreed, understanding where he was coming from,

"Then how about James for the middle name. Whether it's a boy or girl."

"I would actually really like that," he smiled at her, "I would like that a lot."

They gathered up their own plates, and sat at their small round table.

"So what other names have you come up with?" Bucky asked her as he took a bite of his chicken.

"Truthfully, I haven't found any good names. All the girls keep making suggestions and they're way too out there," she tells him, "I don't want them to have a name that's too hard to pronounce or spell."

Natasha's phone started to ring, Bucky got up to grab it for her from the living room. By the time he handed it over to her it stopped ringing.

"What kind of flower is that?" He asked her, noticing her phone's Lock Screen background.

"The California Poppy," she tells him.

"Why do you have that as your background?"

"Well my mom was actually from California," she says, "She met my Dad when they both went to Harvard. They fell in love, so she decided to stay out here on the East Coast.

"The only clear memory I have from her was all the stories she used to tell me about poppy season. How the color just made everything so lively. Her parents would take her every season. I remember seeing all the photos of her as a child surrounded by all the flowers. We looked a like as children," she fondly smiled,

"She always talked about taking me to go see them, but she and Dad were always so busy. Then she got sick and there just wasn't a way for us to go. My grandparents tried to get some out here but it was too late. I never did get to see the poppies."

Natasha was silent for a moment, letting what she said sink in. She's never told anyone that story before, the memory would always make her sad. But now sitting here with Bucky, pregnant with their child, for the first time in her life her mother's death didn't bring her such sadness. She could smile at the memory and know she had the utmost best time with her mother, even if it was short lived, she knew her mother loved her. And she can't wait to shower that love onto the baby inside of her, once they were out.

"We should go," Bucky says, "Once the baby is here we should go when it's poppy season. Plus it'd be nice seeing Steve and Liz's life out west."

"Yeah, that sounds nice," her eyes teared up, seeing how generous this man was in front of her, "I'd really love that."

"Poppy, that's cute," Winifred smiled.

"Yeah, Nat would've loved it."

"They said if you were ready, you can say your goodbyes," she carefully said.

"Okay, you're good with her?"

"Yeah. Do you want me to go with you? The nurses can watch Poppy."

"No. I'd feel much better if she was with family," he tells her, "I'll be fine mom. I can do this."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

"Take all the time you need," the nurse told Bucky, as she led him to the room Natasha's body was in.

"Thank you," he quietly said.

She opened the door for him, and he carefully stepped inside.

He walked closer to the body on the bed. He immediately started crying at the sight of her lifeless body.

"God Nat," he cried, "I am so sorry. We never even discussed the possibility of this ever happening. I never even thought of this happening. God I don't know how I am going to ever do this alone. I never imagined myself ever raising a child alone."

He takes a moment to catch his breath.

"She's beautiful Nat, so incredibly beautiful," he tells her, "I wish you would've been able to see her. Hold her. I'm going to make sure she knows everything about you. There's not going to be a day where she doesn't know about her mother."

"When poppy season arrives I'm going to make sure to take her. Every year," he wipes away a tear, "Oh, I also named her Poppy. For you. For your mom. I promise I won't let you down. She's going to have the best life ever. I'll make sure of that. Thank-you for everything you've given me. I truly did love you. Goodbye Natasha." _________________ Age: 22

Location: CA

Year: May 2016

The car comes to a stop, parking in a spot next to a bunch of other cars. Bucky, Liz, and Steve get out of the car. Steve and Liz grab a few things from the trunk, while Bucky gets the smiley baby out of the car seat. Bucky places the baby into the stroller, Steve had gotten out. The three of them began to walk towards the field of poppies.

"Wow, there's a lot this year," Liz says, "Do you want to take her out?"

"Yeah, I'll grab her," Bucky says grabbing Poppy.

He walked ahead of Liz and Steve, taking in the moment with his daughter.

"Look at all the poppies," he whispers to the almost eight month old. She had a huge smile on her face taking in the sight around her.

She was making some babbling sounds, as if to agree with her dad.

The weather was perfect. The sun shining down on them, it wasn't too hot or too cold. Bucky just stared at the flowers, with a peaceful feeling washing over him. The last few months haven't been the easiest, but he was making it. They both were making it. Being here, gave him the reassurance that he was doing good. He could feel Natasha's presence with him there. As if she was silently saying how proud she was of him.

"We're going to be fine," he said to Poppy, placing a kiss on her head.

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breezeinmonochromenight · 3 years

Note

Same anon of wind farm

Okay so one reason I hate it is I get caught in first run into there and most of left side is a void now. (I was run out of grenades and rather than sneaking, I was running through the forest. Stupid decision 😞) so basically I just have narrow space to walk in (Minus the slanted, rocky side on the right)😑

But last night, there's no timefall when I was going there, and there's only one-two BTs when I get back 🤔

BTW I haven't get zipline yet so I'm looking forward to it! Also thanks for people replying in notes it really helps 👍🏽

(plus I found fun way to get back with floating carrier. So it's well balanced terrain after all lol)

Ooof. Yeah if you got a void out, didn’t want to reload a save, and the terrain is really bad now, it doesn’t hurt to wait to finish deliveries there. You get way better stuff to deal with BTs later on (including guns that can use Sam’s blood, a knife to cut BT umbilical cords, etc.) and it becomes less of a disaster to plow through even if you’re walking.

If I remember correctly, I think an area where you’ve had a void out stays relatively clear for a while after it happens. Not totally sure though. It could just be the weather though — I don’t remember if you start the game with the weather tracker or not, but weather does play a big role in getting S Ranks for premium deliveries and it helps to learn to check that thing frequently. Especially when you get to timed and/or cold deliveries because some of those are nightmares to complete lol.

You’ll like the zip lines a lot, I think — they’re time consuming to build routes with, but they’re lifesavers tbh. And really fun to move around on:

Oh yeah! If you get the chance to, try riding down the mountains on the carrier when you’re in the main area. So good lol

#anonymous #if that even is your real name #death stranding #norman reedus and the funky fetus #a hideo kojima game

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xxkellsvixen19xx · 5 years

Text

Notice Chapter 15.5

Warning: Child Birth

“Michael," she says faintly, “Michael, since the doctor's coming here, take off my knickers. I don't want to have to do it when he gets here."

He starts by taking off her low heels, setting them out of the way under the sofa, before reaching under her skirt. He takes the time to run his hands over her thighs, but again the moment is interrupted by a contraction. When it passes, he takes off her underwear matter-of-factly and stuffs the garment into his coat pocket.

"I'm not exactly going to leave that lying around," he says with a smirk, and she lets out a breathy laugh. It feels almost like their wedding night again.

"Leave the skirt." She doesn't want Dr Aredeane or any other servants seeing… that.

But once again, she doesn't have time to even think about being embarrassed. She grips the edge of the sofa cushions so hard her knuckles turn white, and she's out of breath by the time the contraction ends.

As the pain ebbs and flows, she waits to hear a car outside or a knock on the door, but the Dr's voice does not come from the hall. She's lost count of how many contractions she's had. Y/N is in so much torment she barely notices the storm outside, but the few times she does, it seems to be only getting worse.

But then after an eternity, she feels the urge to push.

But even though her body knows what to do, this scenario could not be more different. A hundred disasters flash behind her eyes. She shifts closer to the edge of the sofa, now barely remaining sitting on the cushion, and spreads her legs wide.

“Y/N?"

"I have to push," she says tightly.

He raises an eyebrow. "Isn't that what you've been doing this whole time?"

Her frayed nerves go haywire. "No, I wasn't. Now just help me!" she snaps, and immediately regrets it. "Sorry."

"Yell at me all you like," he says easily, the corner of his mouth turns up. "What do you want me to do?"

"Wash your hands," she blurts out, mentally kicking herself for forgetting.

It's his turn to look at her nervously. "Are you sure you want me to leave right now?"

"Go! And hurry!"

He leaves, glancing back at her, and she remains behind alone in the study. Silently begging God for help, she takes a deep breath and pushes for the first time.

She can't hold back her guttural groan as the baby descends into the birth canal, and Michael sprints back through the door.

When she bears down again, tears leak out of the corner of her eyes. The next time, she lets out a noise somewhere between a sob and a scream, and Michael looks terrified. She almost asks to hold his hand, but she needs his hands whole and able catch the baby, not broken by her grip.

So she remains on the sofa. She's in so much agony that it doesn't even register that Michael is kneeling before her. Y/N has never been much a crier, but she openly weeps now, and screams aloud when the top of the baby's head leaves her body ever so slightly.

"Get ready to catch the baby," she rasps through her flood of tears.

Michael looks under her skirt. "I can sort of see the head, but-"

"Just do it!" she screeches, past caring about apologies, and gathers what little strength she has left to deliver the baby's head.

She officially enters the ring of fire stage as the head descends. She can't even think straight as she struggles to push the head out, but through her tears, she sees her husband's expression. He stares at the top of the baby's head in awe, and for a split second she can almost forget the pain.

"I've seen a lot in my time," he breathes, "but this beats all."

A scream is torn from her throat as the baby's head finally passes through, and she allows her body a moment to rest. But she has to force her mind to think coherently.

"Is the cord around the neck?" she asks through gritted teeth.

"The cord?"

"It looks like an intestine," she says, about to curse everyone who says men should be taught nothing about female anatomy or childbirth. Society might still be prudish, but Michael being innocently unaware of what an umbilical cord looks like could mean their child's life or death.

"There's nothing around the neck," he assures her. "It looks normal."

A contraction decides her rest is over, and she starts to deliver the shoulders. He reaches under her skirt to cradle the baby's head, and all she can do is weep as she pushes.

"Use," she gasps, "use your coat to catch the baby."

He obediently removes his raincoat, but sets it aside to peel off his softer blue sweater. He quickly rolls up his shirtsleeves and reaches under her skirt again with the sweater. "I have the baby."

But she can't answer. Her entire world, her whole existence, her everything is pain and the baby's torso between her legs. There is nothing but those two sensations. All she can do is push and cry and scream as the torso slides out so slowly she thinks it might kill her.

Then, in a gush of fluids, the baby falls into Michael's hands. Y/N collapses.

Their child's first cries fill the room as she drags air into her lungs. When she has enough strength to lift her head, she sees Michael cradling their newborn – a girl, they have a baby girl – to his chest. His hands and arms and shirt might be covered in blood and mucus now, and the infant is still attached to his mother by a pulsing umbilical cord. Nevertheless, an enraptured Michael gazes down at their child. When her husband looks at her with a smile, she can see tears in his eyes.

As their daughter quiets, there's a rumble of something outside, and she initially thinks it's just more thunder. But she realizes it's an engine just before car doors are heard slamming shut, and then footsteps race to the cottage. The front door bangs open without a knock, and she hears the Drl's voice.

“Mr Langdon?"

"In the bedroom," Michael calls, his back still to the door as it flies open a moment later. The Dr and a woman Y/N assumes is a nurse burst in.

“Mr Langdon?" The Dr repeats, and she sees his expression turn from terror to relief when he realizes she isn't dead. And then the newborn prince cries, and the Dr puts a hand over his heart.

"Tha' must be ye new wee bairn," the Dr says in a Scottish accent so thick he probably bleeds Loch Lomond lakewater. He's got bushy red hair and is wearing an honest-to-goodness kilt, but he carries a medical bag, and that's all that matters.

"Looks like ye did me job for me, Your Royal Highness," Dr. Aredeane says with a grin.

"I'm glad to let you take over," Michael admits with a shaky laugh.

"My sincerest apologies for the delay," Aredeane adds. "It took time to locate my nurse and a tree had fallen and blocked the road, and then we got lost on the round a bout-" He clears his throat. "Very sorry, ma'am."

"You did your best," Y/N says, voice hoarse. "And Michael did an excellent job." When she smiles at her husband, she sees the blood on his hands that had soaked through the sweater. “Nurse, would you find some towels?"

"Of course, ma'am." She nods, as if bowing more than necessary will make up for being late, and leaves.

Dr. Aredeane looks under her skirt. "Looks like ye haven't delivered the placenta, mam."

She shakes her head. "Not yet."

When Michael carefully places the infant in her arms, Y/N starts crying all over again. She can't remember the last time she cried tears of happiness, but it's a welcome change.

The nurse returns with what is likely every towel in the entire main floor, and Michael wipes as much blood as he can from his skin. Dr. Aredeane steps aside as Michael goes to his wife's side, and he bends down. The doctor and the nurse look away when Michael drops a kiss to their daughter's head and another to Y/N's temple.

"You did it, Y/N," he says against her hair. "And so well, too."

"We did it," she corrects when he pulls away. "I could never have done this without you."

He rolls his eyes good-naturedly. "The most significant thing I did was catch her."

"Which was vitally important," she insists.

"You did everything else," he counters lightly.

"Of course I'm glad Dr. Aredeane is here," she begins, "but I could have been in the world's finest hospital surrounded by fifty doctors, and all I would have truly wanted was you."

He hasn't looked at her this tenderly since their wedding day. "I'm afraid you're stuck with me, then."

She smiles. "You're all I need."

The infant gurgles, and his father looks down at him in wonder. Michael smiles at Y/N, truly smiles, and she reaches for his hand. He grasps hers, and she knows somehow, some way, that they will be alright. He is all she ever needs, all she has ever needed now and forever.

#ahs #ahs apocalypse #michael langdon #cody fern

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keithjmurphy · 4 years

Text

I Can't Believe I Said That # 1

It was the morning of the 7th of March 2013, me and Carla had arrived at the Coombe Maternity Hospital around 8am. Today Carla was getting induced and we were going to be parents for the first time. I worked nights so it was the first time I ever seen 8am on a clock, I was absolutely shattered. I kept saying how tired I was until Carla completely lost it and grabbed me saying "I'm about to push a human out of my vagina, I don't give a shit how tired you are".

At 9am they set us up in a delivery room where they plugged Carla into all these machines and checked her bloods and vitals. Then they checked on the baby, a big thumbs up from the nurse and everything was perfect.

They broke Carla's waters at 10:30am. Now call me optimistic, but I was expecting as soon as they broke her waters that the baby would come flying out on a surf board with a pair of sunglasses and a boombox on the shoulder listening to Thunderstruck. If you haven't had a baby yet, I'm sorry, as fecking cool as that sounds, that doesn't happen. What really happens is the clock starts ticking in slow motion, your stuck in this horrible white hospital room holding the hand of a woman who would love nothing more than to beat you to death with a shoe for putting her through this. And you can see how much discomfort this is for her so all you can do is put your head down and feel guilty as hell for doing this to her. And don't mistaken these nurses around you for the ones in a general hospital, because these nurses hate you just as much as your wife right now. And whatever you do, don't ask the nurse if she knows the score of the match while your wife is in the height of labour.

Carla decided weeks in advance that she wanted to have a natural birth, so when the nurse offered her the epidural she bravely declined. All around us you could hear new borns coming into the world. You could hear the nurses in other rooms screaming "push, go on push, great stuff, now one more big push", then followed by the soft cry of a new born baby. But then from the room next to us we heard something really disturbing, "Ahhhhh fucking hell. The fucking pain, I'm splitting in half. Please, please, ahhhhh, my fucking vagina, get me the fucking epidural". At this point Carla had gone completely white in the face, so I told her it's not too late for her to get the epidural and it's not going to make her any less brave if she does, so she decided it's best that she got it.

It was getting late in the evening now, and the contractions were getting painful. Carla had being stuck in the bed for nine hours now. The conversations can get very weird very quickly when your stuck in a delivery room that long. It started off great, we were talking about baby names, if it's a girl or boy, who the baby will look like. Then when the contractions get stronger it turns to "you should be lying here with a finger shoved up your c***". Then you got back to talking about how your going to decorate the baby room, the little football babygrow that you seen in the shops. Then another strong contraction kicks in and the chat turns to "I'm going to burn all your clothes in the wardrobe, then I'm going to burn those clothes your wearing, with you fucking in them".

At 8pm we had been in the delivery room for twelve hours. The nurse came in and asked Carla to lie on her side, that the baby keeps falling asleep and we need to keep it wake. I asked the nurse if she had any painkillers because the bright lights in the room was giving me a headache, she just pointed at my wife and said "are you for fucking real", then left the room. She never came back with the painkillers so she must have forgotten them.

The delivery ward was absolute carnage that night, it was during the height of the babyboom. The ratio of patients to nurses was about 9 to 1 on the ward, so they had these students brought in to sit in each room and to just keep an eye on things. At 8:35pm the student nurse said "I think its time, I'll go get the nurse".

Ten minutes later the student nurse came back in and said "The other nurses are busy, looks like we have to start without them". I grabbed Carla's hand and said "are you ready?", and she replied with a nervous nod. Then the student nurse said "okay dad, can you grab your wife's legs and hold them up", I turned and looked at her like a meerkat, "excuse me? I thought I was meant to hold her hand, stand by her side, staying up this end of the bed?". The nurse didn't bat an eyelid at me, "change of plan Dad, now grab those legs".

Now I'm not good when it comes to blood, sure I got a paper cut in school once and passed out, even on Halloween I couldn't stomach to dress up as a vampire, just couldn't do it. But here I am with Carla's legs up in the air, shes screaming in pain, the nurse is beside me saying "your doing great, push". I just kept my eyes on the ceiling, I picked a spot on the ceiling and I fucking stared at it until I was told to stop. The nurse was saying to me "look dad, shes crowning, theres babies head". I remember thinking "just get fucking babies head and body out then I'll look at it". My eyes eventually strayed onto the clock on the wall, it was four minutes to nine when the nurse said to Carla "come on one more big push", and Carla like the warrior she was gave one last big push, it was amazing, a beautiful baby born at exactly three minutes to nine.

Me and Carla had made a little deal with each other, if it's a boy then Carla names him, if it's a girl I name her. Then nurse looked at me and says "dad do you want to cut the umbilical cord" and completely running on adrenaline I said "not a hope in hell, you can do that", when she cut the umbilical cord the blood squirted up and hit the ceiling, I almost fainted, but then she said "it's a girl", and handed her to Carla. We were so emotional and overjoyed, just looking at this beautiful baby we created, this beautiful baby that literally just came out of Carla's body. Carla said to me it's a girl so you get to name her, I looked at Carla, then i looked at the blood on the ceiling and said "after all that, I think I'll leave the name to you".

The main nurse arrived into the room and said "congratulations mammy, shes gorgeous", she never even looked at me. Okay the baby is out you think that's it, nobody told us that you have to literally give birth to the afterbirth. A little baby cot was wheeled in and the baby went for a little clean down. The nurse told me "dad go get yourself a drink of water up the hall, mammy needs stitches", she didn't have to tell me twice.

I stood at the water cooler for ten minutes barely believing I was now a brand new father, it was a life changing experience. I remember saying to myself "that's it Keith, your now a man, you've got big responsibilities now and it's time to grow up. No more being selfish, you've got three mouths to feed now". I walked down the corridor with a new lease of life, my head was much higher and I walked prouder than ever. As I got to the door of the delivery room the nurse was coming out, "dad there is toast and tea in there", I looked in the door and seen it on the table, "no thanks I'm not that hungry", she looked back at me with fire in her eyes "it's not for you, it's for your wife you idiot", oh right, I knew that.

I got in and there they were sitting on the bed, Carla was holding the baby in her arms and they just looked beautiful. As I got to the bed Carla said "Look Emily, here comes daddy".

#parenting #family #humour #funny #real life #life #lifestyle blog #babygirl

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justfollowmyhansel · 5 years

Text

"I Get a Lot of People, Even During the Press For This Tour Asking 'You Really Got Ahead of This 'Trans' Thing Haven't You?'"— July 4th (Stagedoor)

After I pulled my Junction City shirt over the tiny cosplay to buffer against at least some of the wind outside, I looked at my phone. It was chilly when I left at dusk, but now close to four hours later, it was only a few degrees about freezing. I had wanted to stagedoor every show in Australia and truth be told, the very under sold Canberra show was probably my best bet at having any significant time with him given how few people had shown up and that even fewer appeared to be sticking around.

Instead, I found the man I had been chatting with before the show.

"Did you like the show?"

"I loved it, he was amazing. Can I go backstage?"

"It's not up to me -- I'd say yes, but you'll have to ask the guy at the t-shirt booth..."

----

"Did you end up liking the show?"

"I loved it. He was great. He's always great," I stopped myself from rambling at that moment. Of course it was great!! It was the best moment of my life!! I mentioned that John had laid on top of me. ("Oh that was you?" "Yeah...that was awesome.") "Can I go backstage and meet John?"

"It's not really up to me, it's up to David Hawkins, the producer? He's just over there, you'll have to ask him. David! This girl wants to know if she can go backstage and meet John."

"Were you the one with the dolls?"

Dolls? "No, I'm the cosplayer? The first Hedwig look?"

"Ah yeah. I'll see if he wants to meet you, there's already a group back there."

"Oh, okay."

It didn't take very long to hear back. Of course I could go back and meet him.

I was personally ushered backstage and left with a group of two girls who had yet to see him.

"I'm so excited, I could punch John Cameron Mitchell in the face."

Emmm? Okay, then? Please don't hurt John? The actual sweetheart I've been hearing stories about from all my friends for three and a half years? Just??

Internet speak…. Often jarring when encountered out in the real world.

The two girls that had been standing there before me chatted a little amongst themselves before asking about me. Until they asked my name, I wasn’t sure they had even noticed me they had been so excited. Not that I could blame them.

"Very on-brand, I love it!" the chattier one declared when I told her my name.

"You wanna talk about on-brand...." I showed off my Junction City biplanes shirt straight from Junction City itself on a previous trip.

We chatted a little bit more and John came out. There was a collective lean forward....

He wasn't quite ready. He was in his socks, wanting to go ask something of one of the other people backstage.

"Sorry guys..."

I made a casual gesture like "pfft, no, take your time...." I mean, he has no obligation to do this, does he? There's nothing about doing a show like Hedwig, even as personal as it is to a lot of people or doing a show like Origin of Love, where it's extremely personal to him, that says that he has to spend any amount of time with fans afterwards.

He does this a couple of times and I'm nervous, what am I going to say to him? How to start? But I'm no longer scared of talking to him, I mean, he was in my lap less than half an hour ago, how could I possibly be scared of him after an introduction like that?

Finally he comes over, eating a protein bar and having a cup of green tea. He introduces himself to everyone "Hi, I'm John.. And you are?"

The first girl, the overly excited one, tells him her name. And then the second. I'm about to speak my name when he goes "I know you~~❤" I went to hug him again, but was told no since he had the tea. "Scalding."

"Oh, okay,” I stepped back to where I had been next to the other two.

The first girl spoke again, thanked him for Hedwig and said that it helped her to come out. John talked with her a little, thanked her for that.

The second girl went and told him that Hedwig didn't save her life or help her come out, but that it had helped her learn to accept bi people. John commented that not everyone even within in the gay community is nice to bisexuals, but he doesn't get it. What right do they have to police bi people's attraction? Why shouldn't they be accepted?

Off to the side, I smiled. How often do you get that kind of validation from your favourite (living) artist spoken in your presence, not once but twice in a night and at a time it's not even meant to be validating to you? Just..talking. Just things he was thinking in the moment or had written into the show before learning I existed.

The second girl's mother then told the story about how she was born and they'd thought she had her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, but she was just an impressive baby.

"What, she came out singing?" John asked.

"No, she was fat."

I snorted. Both at the slight misunderstanding and at the bluntness of the woman's reply.

I had been hoping to be next, to actually talk to him next. Tell him how much Hedwig had meant to me....

But, it was time for him to go, but we could do a picture.

I hung back. I figured I didn’t know these people very well and it would be awkward for them to look back in a year or even a week and have a photo of themselves, the man they had come to see, and some random person who had the fortune to tag along with their moment. Despite my reluctance, John insisted.

I put my arm on his back as everyone crowded in for the group photo and said to him, "Would you believe I've never met these people before in my life?"

"Seriously?"

"I'm serious. We just met a few minutes ago."

"Well now you're going to ask become best friends, exchange numbers afterwards."

We did the pics and as he turned to leave, I touched his arm.

"I just want to say thank you for Hedwig. The movie saved my life. And thank you for Wig in a Box tonight."

"Thank you, darling."

And he gave me the world's biggest hug.

"Exchange numbers."

And the way he said it, it was like "there's no way you're not giving her those photos."

I exchanged information with the second girl's mother and she emailed me all the photos.

The music promoter asked what I'd thought of it, what I'd thought of the show, what I'd thought of John.... Was it everything I had been hoping for? I said yes, that I'd loved it. Thank you got letting me go back stage, but is there any way that I could meet John again privately? I didn't really get to say what I had wanted to say to him. He told me I'd have to ask David, that it wasn't up to him...

He walked me back to the venue as we had already started head out into the night. He helped me find David again so that I could ask about meeting John again privately. I’m not sure what about a less than ten minute meeting had emboldened me to think that I could ask about seeing John privately as opposed to stagedooring like I had initially planned, but it seemed the best way to go. If he was too busy getting himself ready to leave after Canberra, he might be too busy to really stagedoor with people at the other shows.

David said sure! of course! where are you from then? I told him about being from Kansas, that I had seen John in Japan as Hedwig nine months ago and he was so talented.... I said that the girls had dominated the conversation and that while I wanted to tell John so much, I didn't really want to tell a group of teenage girls my entire life story. He said that he understood, that he had thought the girls were a bit much too, and that I could get in touch through the production website and he'd set something up for me. I thanked him again.

On my way back towards the entrance, I asked the front desk guy about the poster for the show that had been sitting behind him all night for who knew how long. He said that I was probably more than welcome to it, but that I would have to come back the next morning as the desk was currently alarmed. (Whereas in the morning after some rest, the desk would have calmed down.)

Once again, Jem walked me out, this time offering to buy me a drink at one of the local bars. I accepted and along the way he asked me questions about myself and the show and I asked him about him, about how he got into music promotion. He told me that he had come over from Canada when he was young and had done quite a few things before getting into music promotion, which he loved. He complimented John’s ease on the Playhouse stage remarking that he had seen many seasoned performers lose their composure on that particular stage since it was so close to the audience compared to even the other stage in the building.

When we got to the bar, he introduced me to his friends and we listened to a punkish band while having the drink. I listened to him catch up with his friends, engaging and asking questions when the opportunity arose and answering the ones put to me while I worked furiously at cataloguing the extraordinary events of the evening into my phone via conversations with Risa and my mom.

Afterwards Jem helped me find a cab. I thanked him for his generosity.

"Of course. We gotta take care of each other, right?"

I'd thought that was a very nice, very John way to end the evening.

#Australia Travel Diary #Canberra Day 1 #Canberra Travel Diary #australia day 2 #stagedooring part 1 #stagedooring australia

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nangmaiba · 7 years

Text

Nathan James

7 17 2015

The most Scariest and Blessed day of my life so far.

I have never been so scared in my entire life until that day came. I’ll tell the whole story here on tumblr.

My due date was on the July 15th of the year 2015. 2 weeks before the due date, my awesome OB performed and IE and told me that I should walk at least 200m to 500m a day to avoid a cesarean section. So on those past few days before due date, I managed to walk to some parts of our village and completed what the ob said.

On our second to the last appointment, I was still 2cm dilated, our ob said after the IE. Still in dismay, I asked questions on how to resolve the problem and might want other plans just in case. She said that we still have our last week to adhere to the parameters needed to have a Normal delivery. If it didn’t work, she’ll have to induce the labor to avoid stress to the baby. Also she saw some white-ish particles in the ultrasound (white ink on the ultrasound is what you can see on the ultrasound like the baby, some particles and other thing-y, and the black ink particles there is the water.) It could be the baby’s poop or the water level is too thick. (The water is too mature and starting to degrade *not a healthy sign when the baby is still inside*)

Then the next day, I started to walk twice the length of the first prescription. Then the last check up came. It was July 15, 2015. OB performed IE and still, i was still 2 cm dilated. I am expecting that I am at least 4-5 cm dilated. I was so disappointed that day.

Then, our OB gave us a choice to wait for a week or to perform an Induced Labor the next day pronto. We decided to get the baby out the next day. I arranged my things, phone, towel and the baby bag.

On July 16, 2015, Me and The Husband went to the hospital. We filled up the sheets and all, while I’m still waiting for my natural labor to come. After 2-3 hours, the nurse put on an IV on me. I can’t remember what it is I think Oxytocin. My sister came and she’s all out support. (goodie)

I was hungry so Hubs went to buy noodles. Then My OB came and said I can’t eat anymore due to the IV. ughhh. Fast forward, I was being induced that moment. It was 4:00 pm. I was transferred to the 2nd floor. where the labor room, operating room, and the nursery/NICU room are. Then there’s so many nurses and I was still in bed. Then they transferred me to another wheeled bed and I waited for like an hour outside the rooms. I can’t feel any pain. Then, they attached some things on my Belly. It’s a machine that can monitor your contractions.

It’s like a lie detector test but attached to my belly. Once the thin needle draw earthquake like readings, I just felt some tingling sensation. Then they said, that’s it, it’s a contraction! But I said, is that it? I mean it’s not painful at all. They said, I have a strong pain tolerance. Other mum’s out there felt that painful enough to push. (I felt those tingling sensations 1 and a half weeks prior to this scenario so I guess i was unconsciously having contractions for like 1 and a half weeks until this. :> )

Next thing I know I was transferred again to another room, the Labor room where I had to be induced until the next morning. That whole day was a tiring day since you've haven't had any food, when I was inside the room, that's where all the pain started. The contractions are getting bigger and stronger and longer to the point that I'm making painful gestures with all the wires attache to me and my belly because of the IV Drip. I took a photo of my belly dull of stretch marks to ease the pain. The contractions were a 5-10minute apart. And the nurses are always there, friendly and always checking on me. They even turned off the lights so that I could sleep.

The next day came, July 17, 2015 5am and no progress yet. Still 2cm dilated. Oh by the way, I had 2 female nurses and 1 male nurse which is very friendly and all out support on me too since he knew my sister, he was always on my call. So glad! If it wasn't for him our bills had started to sky-rocket! He said it's the nurses' prerogative to check for the used meds and all but this male nurse, he came into conclusion that I wasn't even in the OR yet and still inside the Labor Room which is BTW has minimal charge unlike if I was staying in the hospital room sooo, yep, good point nurse!

Also, since I haven't eaten anything since yesterday, he said, he will give me food(thank you po lord) but it's our(and the female nurses) secret coz we're not allowed to eat in here. Lol

The monde's mamon and 1 skyflakes pack is all I got to munch on but nonetheless, it sufficed.

Then every 5 mins of all the hours remaining until 6pm in the afternoon is painful since the ob said we need to add dosage to the IV so that I could be in total-labor. That's a total bummer.

3pm, I saw a woman on a hospital bed i think she's injected with anesthesia and the sleeping drug already since she's very calm and she was just on the room for like 5minutes and after that, she went straight to the OR and then performed scheduled C-section. After about 2-3 hours, she was on the labor room again and she's groggy due to the operation.

(I think much better to go with the scheduled one so you wouldn’t endure the pain of an induced one, still, the choice is yours!)

Fast forward, I was very stressed due to the contractions and I haven't eaten anything yet since yesterday and I was all alone in the room without the husband nor the sister. We just communicate through texts.

6:10pm the ob came and said it's time to do the inevitable.

***Cesarean-section***

so I was in labor for a total of 24 hours plus+++++. 😭

I was very nervous that time. So many what if's and all. Someone gave me papers to sign for the approval of doing the c-Section procedure. And then they proceeded to put me into the Operating room. Hubby isn’t allowed at the OR idk why I think, hispital rules? The nurses transferred me to a cross like operating bed and waited for the anesthesiologist to inject some on my spine.

They said this part was a very painful one but It doesn't friggin' hurt. I think i just felt an ant bite on my back but it doesn't really hurt. I think I just had the best anesthesiologist in town.(and a pricey one too 😂)

Anyways after that it immediately spread unto the lower part if my body until the ob came and she said to fasten my arms to the crossed➕ bed and they're checking on my bp. I had High BP that time since I was very nervous. And the aircon was on my feet. Its very cold and I dont know what to expect. Also the very unexpected shoulder dance! After they injected some med on the IV, My shoulders started to shudder like crazy! It’s like I was limbo rocking in the OR ofc without any prizes and consolations. The doctors inside told me it was perfectly normal. But wth I didn’t know about and didn’t signed up for that. LOL—

Anyways, we waited for my bp to low down until the ob sent the go signal.

This time They put a green barrier on my chest and lower stomach so i can't see how they slice up my belly.

Then the ob asked what would be the type of cut I want, bikini or normal cut, she said it doesn't have a difference in terms of the price since it's always up to the doctors to put their price tag on that, so I said, “Okay Doc, Bikini Cut!”

Then she started. They were chatting while cutting me! They’re like conyo and laughing but I don’t mind, it eases my mind and their conversation felt comfortable, they’re also chatting with me a little (para mapa-kalma ako) the anesthesiologist and my ob. And then after 20 minutes or so, she said,

“Oh, that's why he hasn't gone down on you because he's had two umbilical cord on his neck!”

2 rounds of umbilical cord on his neck?!—

When I heard that, I was like, WTF! You wanna die even before you're born? Lol Anyways. I was shocked and at the same time grateful to my ob since she didn't hesitate to decide on doing the procedure later.

The I heard him crying! Goodness gracious! It was a very tearful moment but I didn't cry. Lol he was put on my chest and unto my breast to start latching but I dunno he can't but whatevs. (We did delay cord-clamping, best decision ever)

After that the anesthesiologist came and put on the sleeping drug so that they can continue to the operation and stitched my belly back.

After 1 minute, I was very sleepy and blacked out for realzz. The moment I woke up I was in the Labor room already and the pedia checked on me and told me my baby was on the NICU and my husband was with the baby and all things doctor-ish that I can't totally remember because I was friggin groggy. Then after that I passed out again, I was then transferred to my room at about 10pm that day and I can't stand nor put my upper body up because it's so painful and the doctor advised me not to get up yet.

When the baby's there, I can’t see him kasi the cot is high so I got my phone and took a picture of him while laying on the bed. Lol.

But this momma is pasaway so she got up and tried to breastfeed the bear, hence the photo below:

Anyways. That's it!

Welcome to the cruel world with your crazy yet awesome pair of parents,

Nathan James!

—

#personal #nathanjames #birthingstory #birthing story #nathanbear

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