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xxkellsvixen19xx · 3 years

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Autumn Leaves Fall While Love Is Fading Andy Biersack X Reader

Word Count: 1,662

Warning: ANGST

Lyrics: Seasons Of Wither By Aerosmith (Except Changed Her To Him

An inextricable sadness can be experienced when love fades. You're left questioning what is left when the one you promised to love forever no longer loves you. I experienced this. I understand this. I know what it feels like to have my heart ripped out, leaving a gaping hole which can never be filled. I know the pain that comes with wondering. What did I do wrong? What didn't I do right? Is there any way I could have prevented this from happening?

The feeling of loss which stuck me whenever I thought about him.

Andy's words still lingered in my mind; Love fades, mine has…

They stung. After everything we'd been through together this is how it was ending. I'd glimpsed that light at the end of the tunnel; the one telling me that I had what I'd dreamed of in my grasp… but now it has slipped away… it's just completely gone. Andy no longer wants me… the realization hit some storms are simply not meant to be survived but designed to strip you of everything and anything.

Loose-hearted man, sleepy was he

Love for the devil brought him to me

Seeds of a thousand drawn to his sin

Seasons of wither holding me in.

Flashback…..

“Andy,” my voice is thick with emotion because all that we'd been through. Anger is turning into desperation but he can't, he just can’t do this anymore. – “Please. I need you here.”

“I can’t.” his voice is weak and trembling slightly and I force my eyes shut– the singulat though flashed...damage. Hide. Now. In that moment there was no way to know my world would completely unravel, we were two souls of one beating heart cursed to be untied never to be whole. But the love between us Andy discarded aside as if it were nothing, yet out of our control we would be forever tangled within each other's embrace.

I didn't exactly understand why he felt differently or what caused him to just without warning drift. All I now knew, was that the man standing before me has changed, there is an indifferent air around him.

*********************************

6 months ago…..

Andy pressed his chest against my back wrapping his arms around my waist before kissing the back of my shoulder tenderly. My heart swells at his gesture, leaning back into his embrace.

“I love you” You whisper, Andy’s arms tightening around me.

He presses another kiss onto my shoulder. I let out a small sigh, I breathe him in deeply, taking in his the deep scent of hiscologne. Letting the smell wash over me, I close my eyes, I completely lose myself in the feel of his presence.

……….

I trudge through the apartment, breath shaky and tears welling in my eyes. But they still don’t fall. I feel completely numb.

I walk into our bedroom, completely catatonic and moving as if on auto pilot. I sit on the bed, staring at nothing in particular. The moonlight streams through the window catching a large photo frame hanging on one of the walls. My eyes are unspeakably drawn to the glinting photo.

It’s our wedding photo.

It’s a candid shot. Me and Andy are staring at each other, smiling tenderly at one another. Andy’s arm is around my waist, his head slightly bent and leaned into mine, almost as if he’s about to kiss me. The white of my dress is a stark contrast against his black suit, the pale pink bouquet of roses on the floor as I hold onto his arms. The sun is setting in the background, both our silhouettes set ablaze with a halo of sunlight.

I remember the day as if it were yesterday. It was the happiest day of my life. Andy sang to me in his deep vibrato voice of his. He danced with me. Held me close. He kissed me telling me he loved me. The memory of him reciting his wedding vows pops into my mind.

I can’t help it. I break down, sobs wracking through my body as I cry into the dark, quiet of the room. My body shakes with the cries, tears flowing freely. I feel the warmth of them run down my cheeks before disappearing into my shirt. I fall back onto the bed, curled into a ball as I weep out all my feelings, all of the hurt and heartache I feel.

I cry and cry until finally, I can’t cry anymore. My throat is raw, now only dry hiccuping as I somehow run out of tears. My heart aches, my headaches and my eyes sting.

I tried my hardest to remind him why we fell in love with each other and why we married. But the harder I tried, the more he pulled away. Bit by bit, he slips from my life. I didn't understand why can but he fell out of love with me; I could see it in his eyes when he walked away. He wouldn't buy me flowers every week anymore. He no longer kissed me goodbye. He no longer sent me little messages about how much he loved and missed me. The more I try to occupy his attention, the more he refuted me, and my heart just aches all over again, longing for him to come back to me.

Heat of my candle show me the way

Seeds of a thousand drawn to his sin

Seasons of wither holding me in

Oh woe is me, I feel so badly for you

Oh woe is me, I feel so sadly for you in time

Bound to lose your mind

Live on borrowed time

Take the wind right out of your sail

Time heals nothing it only makes the memories fade away, It’s sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.

What hurts more than losing Andy is knowing that he wasn't fighting to keep me. Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to me, but I meant nothing to him. It’s funny how he could break my heart, and yet I can still love him with all the little pieces.

Love is not as much a choice as it is considered a feeling. Staying in love takes a commitment. The worst thing is not only being told that someone has fallen out of love with you but being told that they haven’t been in love with you for some time. When you find out you're losing your soulmate it's as if every bit of oxygen has been expelled from your lungs.

Flashback…..

“Do… do you even love me anymore?” I whisper, dread heavy in my bones as the question slips from my lips. Andy’s eyes soften and I see the hesitation on his face as he contemplates whether he should answer me or simply walk away. Finally coming to a decision, he stares directly in my eyes and I can almost feel the next words.

“I don’t know” he replies, the uncertainty reflected in his eyes before he walks away.

I watch him walk away from me, I was trying much harder to save this relationship than he was. In the last few months it was a last ditch effort to go through couples therapy. I know my husband wants to be anywhere but here at the moment. His entire demeanour is closed off, arms and legs crossed as he stares out the window.

"When was the last time you actually paid attention to your wife?” he asks and Andy balks, unsure of what to say at the sudden tangent. More importantly, he doesn’t know the answer to his question. Andy abruptly turned about to storm out of the office, “If you have nothing to say that’s fine. Just think about it. I believe our next session is in another two weeks. I want you to think about this relationship carefully." The therapist says, his tone final. Andy quickly leaves the room, his mind in a jumble for the first time in a while.

…………..

For the first time in over half a year, Andy look at me; pays close attention noticing the sadness in my eyes. He swallows thickly, eyes scanning over my face and as if willing me to look at him. He wants to say something, but he doesn’t even know where to start. He frowns slightly at that. You’d been together for almost ten years, so why was it suddenly so hard to speak to you?

All of a sudden, the distance between you two hits me like a freight train. I can feel the huge rift between the two of us. I sigh slightly, wondering when it had gotten so big. Did he always feel this far away from me?

Why did it feel like I was worlds away, almost unattainable? The two of us had always been close, always been able to speak about everything and anything. There were times when we’d both wake up in the early hours of the morning, still in bed and voice heavy with sleep and speak about the smallest, silliest of things.

We had spent close to a decade together; we knew each other like the back of each other’s hands. He didn’t look back as the the door closed behind him that night. Bereft now of pain and I felt the dying spark of embers from our relationship. Like autumn dyes the leaves bright red, I encountered a love that I'd hoped would last longer than a fading breeze.

Beauty is fleeting, evanescent, But all of it ended, Andy’s presence in the photos won't fade away as easily with the flow of time.

Because love is ephemeral and memories die, only the photos of him will accompany me until I take my last breath. I can say, I was once loved; Together, in the fires of hell, we will burn with the memories of the most beautiful moments in life, the moments I shared with Andy the remaining proof.

#andy biersack x reader #andy biersack imagine #andy biersack #fan fiction

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xxkellsvixen19xx · 3 years

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open book ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 1807

request?: yes!

“Hi love your work. I was listening to Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls earlier and was in the feels and it got me wondering if maybe you could please do a MGK fluff/possible smut off that song? I would really love it if you did <3″

description: in which he struggles to be open to people, but with her it’s so easy

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing

based on this song

masterlist (one, two)

Colson sat on the balcony of the hotel room he was staying in. A lit joint hung between his fingers as he blew a puff of smoke into the cool night air. It was yet another sleepless night for him, which were becoming more and more common for him as of late.

He looked over his shoulder into the hotel room where his girlfriend was peacefully sleeping. He smiled to himself at her as he took another puff from his joint.

Colson had a habit of falling quickly for the girls he was dating, he knew that, but there was something different about the way he fell for (Y/N). He fell quick, but he also fell hard. From the moment they first met he had such overwhelming feelings for her in a way that he had never felt for another girl before. He tried not to come on too strong as he had done in the past, but he just couldn’t help himself. He had asked her out after an hour of knowing one another and within an month of their relationship he was asking her to go on tour with him because he didn’t want to be without her for long periods of time.

Even more than that, Colson found himself opening up to (Y/N) in a way he had never done with anyone before, not even his bandmates or the friends he had made since becoming famous. She just brought something out of him that made him feel comfortable enough to talk to her about his past.

While he didn’t regret any of that, part of him started to worry that maybe he had come on too strong, or that he was putting too much pressure on (Y/N). She had never said anything of the sort before, but he still had those concerns in his mind.

He was so lost in thought as he took another puff from his joint that he didn’t hear the door to the balcony open until (Y/N) was slipping the joint from his fingers and taking a puff for herself.

“You’re supposed to be asleep,” he told her.

“So are you,” she responded, a sheepish smile on her face.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“I thought as much.” She sat herself down on his lap. Colson smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her arm body close to him. “Penny for your thoughts?”

He buried his head in the crook of her neck, placing gentle kisses on the exposed skin there. “Would it make any sense if I said that’s the exact reason I can’t sleep?”

(Y/N) tilted her head. “Someone paying you to tell them about your thoughts?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

She smiled. “I know, just trying to lighten the mood. I’m assuming it just has something with saying what’s on your mind in general.”

Colson sighed and lifted his head. (Y/N) turned her body so she could position herself to look at him.

“More like it has something to do with feeling like I’ve overshared what’s on my mind with you.”

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?”

Colson shuffled, trying to figure out how to put his thoughts into words. It was so much easier to voice his thoughts and feelings through his songs, but how does one voice the fact that they feel like they overshare things?

“How long have we been together?” he found himself asking.

(Y/N) gave him a playful look. “The fact that you’re asking that worries me.”

“I know how long it’s been,” he said, poking her side. “It’s been six months.”

“The most adventurous six months of my life.”

Colson smiled and kissed her cheek. “I’m glad it has been, but see…I move too quickly in relationships. I always have, even when I was young. I’ve always been the first to say I love you, the first to ask the big questions, the first to insist on being basically attached at the hip.” He let out a humorless chuckle. “I asked Emma to marry me when she found out she was pregnant, and we were only 18 then.”

“That’s adorable, but why are you telling me this?”

“I…I didn’t want things to be like that with you. I wanted to take it slow, to give you time to get used to me and my lifestyle cause I…I really like you. I want things to work out between us. But…”

He trailed off, looking out at the city below them. (Y/N) rested her head on his shoulder, her body fitting perfectly against his. She laced her fingers through his, running her thumb over his knuckles. She waited for him to finish his thought, and when it became obvious that he wasn’t going to, she decided to finish it for him: “But you feel that you haven’t stuck by that.”

He nodded. “I asked you to go on a tour with me after a month together. That’s such a big thing to ask of anyone, let alone someone you barley know.”

“But I said yes, didn’t I?”

“Would you have said no?”

(Y/N) lifted her head to look at him. “Of course I would’ve. We were only together a month, I didn’t feel like I had to say yes. You had told me so many stories from touring, I wanted to actually live through those stories with you. I was over the moon when you asked me.”

Colson sighed. He knew he should believe her. Like she said, there was no reason for her to say yes if she didn’t want to go. It’s not like their relationship was make or break on whether or not she went on tour with him. He would’ve missed her of course, but she would’ve been there when he got home, which would’ve been an even sweeter reunion for them.

But there was still that dark part of his mind that was screaming at him for opening up to her so quickly. He felt like an idiot, like he was going to drive her away because he was being too open with her.

“It’s not just this worry that I’m moving too fast,” he continued. “It’s also…well…I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else. Stuff about my past and my family…about my mom. I’ve been more open with you than I have with anyone else in my life, past and present. That’s…”

“Scary,” (Y/N) finished for him. “It’s scary to be that open with someone. To share your deepest, darkest secrets with them. To give your heart to someone and trust that they won’t break it.”

Colson smiled. “That’s poetic.”

“You’re not the only one who is good with words.” They laughed together. (Y/N) moved herself so that she was facing Colson, her legs dangling on either side of him. “Is that all this is about? You’re scared to be open with me?”

“I’m scared that I’m going to push you away,” he admitted. Saying it out loud felt like a weight being lifted off of his chest. He finally felt like he could breathe again. “I’ve had girlfriends leave in the past because they feel I’ve tried to move the relationship a little too fast, that’s nothing new to me. But telling you all that I have and being so open with you…that’s new to me. I have more baggage than I expect anyone to want to handle, and while I want to tell you everything, I’m also worried that…that maybe I’ll scare you away with my baggage.”

His words hung in the air for a long time. (Y/N)’s face was unreadable. She was just looking down at him, letting the things he was saying digest. The longer the silence went on, the more Colson found himself ground anxious about her response. He found himself questioning whether or not he should’ve actually told her, or if his concerns were even valid in the first place.

He shook his head. “You know what, it’s kind of stupid. I shouldn’t have worried - ”

“I love you.”

The three words caught him off guard. He looked up at her, trying to figure out if he had dreamed it or not.

For the first time, Colson was not the first person to say those three magic words.

“What?”

(Y/N) smiled. “That’s not the right response when someone says that.”

“I’m just trying to make sure I didn’t imagine you saying it.”

She cupped his face and made him look right at her. Even in the dimly lit night, Colson found himself getting lost in her beautiful eyes.

“I said I love you Colson Baker,” she repeated. “I love you for all that you are, that includes the baggage. Everyone has baggage, hell I’m not perfect at all. The fact that, in such a short amount of time, you feel like you can trust me enough to tell me things you’ve never told anyone else makes me feel incredibly honored. And don’t think for a second that you’re moving too fast in this relationship because I can’t imagine going at a slower speed. As cliché as it is to say, we may have only met six months ago but I feel like I’ve known you my entire life. You’re the person I’m supposed to be with, I know it.”

She let go of his face and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Tell me you’re the one moving fast now.”

Colson smiled, a big, goofy smile that made (Y/N)’s heart feel like. He leaned forward to kiss her, gently cradling her in his arms. He never wanted to let her go. He wanted to live in this moment for the rest of his life.

“I love you, too,” he finally said when he pulled away.

(Y/N)’s smile mirrored his own. She leaned in to kiss him again, but stopped short when Colson started to yawn.

She giggled. “Tired now?”

“I think so,” he said.

“Then let’s go back to bed.”

She got up and held a hand out to him. Colson took it and followed her back into their hotel room. Immediately he was engulfed by the warmth of the room, which caused his eyes to grow even heavier.

(Y/N) brought him over to the hotel bed and they laid down in it together. Colson immediately took her into his arms, comfortably placing her head on his chest and his chin against the top of her head. They fit together so perfectly, Colson noted again.

Like we were meant to be.

“Goodnight Colson,” (Y/N) whispered into the darkness. “I love you.”

He couldn’t help but smile as he responded, “Goodnight, (Y/N). I love you, too.”

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