okay, so, I have had my suspicions about this for a while, but The Great Gatsby is  47,094 words. And that’s whatever, it’s a short book, and easy read and has a weird historical explanation as to why it’s popular now even though it wasn’t when it was originally published. 

My point is, that it’s still a book. 

As of right now, my lighting analysis/analysis of season four is 36,491 words.

By the end of this analysis, I will probably go over the word count of the Great Gatsby. 

And that is absolutely insane. That is a (short) novels worth of writing. 

what has byler done to me

cross my heart

╰► before y/n left japan, she made a promise to her ex, miya atsumu that she will give him another chance, if and only if atsumu gets in the national team. what will happen once they meet again? will she be keeping her promise or will she just sweep it under a rug?

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notes. more written chapters will come, i am trying my best not to do so but some scenarios/chapters are better done written. forgive me for the errors 🙏

chapter nineteen.

the back door opened, revealing a six feet tall blond man patting the sweats on his forehead. he wears a black short that hugs his toned thighs, this is something he usually wears for practice.

unreadable expression displayed in the setter’s face, he hung his towel on his shoulders. putting his hands on his hips, he cocked his brows “something i can do for you?”

you looked down on your feet. your hands are in the back as if you’re hiding something. atsumu can hear a plastic crinkled as you fidgeted.

“i made you lunch.”

your hands came in front of him. you held a light yellowed with fox pattern bag along with a plastic containing a drink.

you looked up at him, meeting his surprised eyes. “i made you lunch and bought your favorite iced caramel macchiato from the café nearby.” you huffed, “now stop ignoring me.”

atsumu looked at the side before taking the bento. “thank you..” he said softly.

peeking through your eyelashes, you met atsumu’s brown eyes. “will you care to explain why you’re purposely ignoring me?” the blond nodded, looking away from her.

contemplating whether to lie or tell the truth, atsumu sighed. “it’s nothing serious”

you raised your brow, crossing your arms. “if it’s nothing serious then why did you ignore my texts and me earlier!”

“you texted me at 1 am!” he said, defending himself. “yet you left me on read” you huffed.

there’s silence between the two of you. birds chirping, bikes passing by, and footsteps of people from the streets is the only sound.

you sighed, giving up. “you know i’m not gonna force you”

“i was jealous..” atsumu said lowly but good enought for you to hear, “when i shouldn’t be, i was being petty by ignoring you.”

“oh.” was all you said in response. “who are you jealous to? you know omi is just my fr-”

“it’s meian..” he said, “i saw him enter your apartment yesterday.”

atsumu looked down on his shoes, biting his lower lip. he knows that he is in no place to feel jealousy towards other guys. because in the first place, him and you aren’t even dating nor close to being together.

he didn’t hear you say anything. it’s just silence. he feels stupid for being jealous, he have no rights.

atsumu felt someone pinched his cheeks, a giggle erupted from the person l in front of him.

“this reminds me when you admitted you were jealous because me and shin hang out when we were in highschool”

his eyes widen remembering the event. high school atsumu who was jealous of his captain because he saw them being so close together.

“some things never changed, huh?” you grinned as atsumu stared at you.

he chuckled, “sorry.. i was just scared”

your hand slides downb to the volleyball player’s arm, stopping at his hand.

“hey, i don’t need to tell you about it” you said causing atsumu’s smile to drop, “but please take a hint, tsum.” squeezing the blond’s hand in more reassuring manner.

the hold was letting atsumu know that you will be there and there is nothing to worry about because in the end, you both should know what’s in between him and you.

atsumu nodded, watching you opened the door. “the ice will start melting, i’ll see you later.”

“see you.”

atsumu’s stared as the door closed. he looked up, head thrown back. grin grows over his face as he will make sure to never forget about this moment.

taglist is open! feedbacks are appreciated. if confuse in this chapter, my ask is open. thank you. <3 (anon in on!)

Essay Part 1: Riku’s Journey

Riku is undeniably the character who has experienced the greatest evolution throughout the series.

His journey begins in Destiny Islands, when he was just a little kid who wanted to live adventures with his best friend, Sora.

Riku: When we grow up, let's get off this island. We'll go on real adventures, not this kid stuff!

That's that will of discovering the world, and the fact that he was really close to his friend Sora, that lead him to make a promise:

Terra: Is there some reason you're interested in the outside world?

Riku: Yeah. I wanna be strong one day. Like that kid who left. He went to the outside world - I bet he's really strong now. I know it's out there somewhere - the strength that I need.

Terra: Strength for what?

Riku: To protect the things that matter. You know, like my friends.

Riku had a very strong friendship with Sora. The two of them used to fight with wooden swords, explore the islands, and watch the stars together. But then, Kairi came to the Islands and became part of their life. Years passed and their friendship became stronger - but somehow something was missing.

That's when Kingdom Hearts happens. At this time, Riku wanted to explore the other worlds, feeling trapped on Destiny Islands - will he had already expressed ten years before. Riku was jealous of Sora, and probably of Kairi and Sora's growing proximity. Riku felt lonely, as we can see during the game. These dark feelings caused him to be manipulated by Maleficent, and to turn to darkness.

There are also other reasons: he wanted to see the world - which he already wanted as a five years old kid-, he wanted to become stronger in order to protect his friends - even if he did it the wrong way, he didn't forget that goal, as proved by this scene:

Riku: So, Kairi's like a lifeless puppet now?

Maleficent: Precisely.

Riku: And her heart was...

Maleficent: Taken by the Heartless, no doubt.

Riku: Tell me! What can I do?

Maleficent, as the evil witch she is, manipulated him strengthening his feelings of loneliness, jealousy and betrayal.

Maleficent: You see? It's just as I told you. While you toiled away trying to find your dear friend, he quite simply replaced you with some new companions. Evidently, he values them far more than he does you. You're better off without that wretched boy. Now, think no more of him, and come with me. I'll help you find what you're searching for.

Ansem, on his side, pretended he knew the way to make him stronger, as Riku was jealous of Sora's strength...

Ansem: The heart that is strong and true shall win the Keyblade.

Riku: What? You're saying my heart's weaker than his?

Ansem: For that instant, it was. However, you can become stronger. You should not fear in stepping through the door to darkness. It held no terror for you. Plunger deeper into the darkness and your heart will grow even stronger.

Riku: What should I do?

Ansem: It's really quite simple. Open yourself to the darkness. That is all. Let your heart, your being, become darkness itself.

... but he used him as a puppet to achieve his goals. The way he asked advices to bad people shows how lost that boy was. However, Riku finished by regain control of himself, and at the end of the game, decided to help Mickey close the Door to Darkness, even if it meant being somehow left behind - a beautiful act of redemption.

But that's only the begining of his story. In Chain of Memories, we follow Riku who has to fight his own darkness, embodied by Ansem (and also Repliku who mocks his fear of darkness). At first, Riku totaly rejects the darkness inside of him, afraid that it might overpower him once again.

Riku: All you have been talking about is the darkness. I can only assume you wanna pull me back in... so you can play Puppet Master.

And he doesn't want to hurt people like he did.

But we can see that he's becoming more and more mature, because this game is also about how Riku began to accept the part of darkness inside him as a strength (and I think Mickey helped him to do that). That's what makes him choose the way to Dawn.

Riku: What are you making me choose now?

DiZ: Between the road to light - and the road to darkness.

Riku: Neither suits me. I'm taking the middle road.

DiZ: Do you mean the twilight road to nightfall?

Riku: No. It's the road to dawn.

During 358/2 Days, Riku's will is to make sure that his best friend sleeps in peace - actually, he wants him to recover his memories and wake up. He teams up with Mickey and DiZ/Ansem the Wise to do so. In this game, Riku embraces the darkness in his heart while fighting Roxas...

Riku: I have to release the power in my heart- the dark power that I've been holding back. Even... if it changes me forever.

...a sacrifice made even though he's aware he may not find his own body anymore - which illustrates how Riku has finally accepted that darkness isn't 100% evil. We can also see that he's no longer bitter towards others: he's not even angry against Sora's Nobodies for keeping him away from his friend - just sad.

Xion: So, do you hate me for taking your friend away?

Riku: Nah. I guess... I'm just sad.

Still, in KH2, Riku is ashamed by his appearence and hides himself from Sora, even though he keeps on protecting him at distance. When they finally meet again, he tells this shame calling himself "a castaway from the darkness":

Riku: I'm no one---just a castaway from the darkness.

But he recovers his true self.

KH2 insists on the fact that despite a clear maturation, Riku still has doubts and still feel a little bit lonely. Sora points at:

Sora: Riku... C'mon, man! Why did you try to do so much on your own?You got friends...like us!

He still needs his friends to reassure him and accept him, and still thinks he can't get rid of his own darkness - his shame is still here:

Sora: You're coming back with us, right?

Riku: I had given in to the darkness.

Sora: Riku!

Riku: How'm I gonna face everyone?

Dream Drop Distance is a turning point to Riku's character. During the game, it is underlined that Riku is holding back some stuff inside of him, by four characters including himself.

Riku (to Quasi): Are you sure that's what's stopping you? Because I think something else is holding you back. Ask your heart, Quasimodo. [...] Wish I could take my own advice.

And:

Quasimodo: Master Frollo--he made me live inside the bell tower, but the real walls were the ones I built around my heart. You helped me see that, Riku.

Riku: I was...speaking from...personal experience.

Phoebus: I'd say you still keep a lot locked inside.

He also admits that he feels like his darkness will always follow him:

Riku: I gave in to the darkness once. And ever since, it's chased me around in one form or another.

But the end of the game proves that Riku has achieved a balance (a confidence that we can see in KH3).

Indeed, during the last parts of 3D, Riku is shown as a being of exception, whom heart has light and darkness in balance...

YMX: I don't know how you did it, but you really have found a way to trap darkness inside your heart

...balance which enables him to protect Sora, becoming his Dream Eater - he is able to change his very NATURE and didn't even noticed it.

Riku finally obtains the title of Keyblade Master showing that he is worthy of wielding a Keyblade - which he seemed to doubt at the beginning of the game:

Riku: My Keyblade--it just sort of...popped into my hand when I needed it most.

He has learned how to open his heart throughout his adventures, which can be seen in KH3.

In KH3 his new goals are to save Aqua and, with the others, fight the Seekers of Darkness. During the road, Mickey helps him to realize that he finally has the strenght he was aiming at since the very beginning: to protect the one person that matters.

Riku: I'm in control now. Maybe it's because you're with me this time.

Mickey: It's not me. I think it's because you've finally found inside you that special strength to protect what matters.

And the game lets no doubt: this person is Sora. He sacrifices himself to protect his friend against the Demon Tide in the Keyblade Graveyard.

This is a very brief summary of everything Riku did, but that's enought to come to a conclusion. If you have read carefully, you should have noticed that I didn't spoke about Sora that much. Because, even if Sora is actually what matters the most to Riku, the main reason why he did all those things, Sora is not what defines Riku.

Riku has a developpement that shows that he has to fight his own demons, overcomes his doubts and searches the strenght to protect who he cares about. He has other relationships than his (wonderful) relationship with Sora: for example, his friendship with Mickey.

He faced many things with the King and they share a special bond, just as Sora's with Donald and Goofy. He also shares a link with Terra and somehow Aqua, even though it's not developped that much.

Regarding of those elements, it is completely unfair to say that Riku isn't well written or too much written around Sora. Riku is interesting, relatable and touching, and I hope that he's going to have a good treatment in the future of the series. Watching the end of KH3 and Re:Mind, there's no doubt about the fact that he has an important role to play.

I want to close this part saying that Riku also has a personality. He's determined, selfless, mature, of good advice, a little bit sassy. Riku, even if he has doubts, can be now considered as confident. He is empathetic, cares about others, knows how to confort his friends, especially Sora. There are other important points - like the fact he's smart ~ but I think those are the main elements.

Intro • Part 2

Besides Star Wars, what are some of your favorite performances from Ewan?

Ewan is one of my favorite actors (behind James McAvoy) who I truly believe has a great variety in his filmography. And if you are a ewan fan, he was on the Sunday show today and you can find the podcast version (Sunday Sitdown) of the segment anywhere you find podcasts! (I listened to it on Spotify) I highly suggest listening to it! It is about an hour long and they discuss his major films and his career trajectory. That being said:

First and foremost, because this is his most recent and I really want people to go watch this film in theaters: Birds of Prey. He is so freaking good in this! On one hand, he is a really hot, and clearly gay, man; but on the other hand, he is terrifying! And horrendous! And there is a specific scene with a girl's dress that is so uncomfortable to watch but in a way that is heartbreaking because you know that women go through these sort of things on a daily

Doctor Sleep: I am mentioning this because it recently came out in Blu-Ray and y'all slept on it while it was in theaters!! It was a fantastic sequel to the shining but also a great film on its own! Ewan's performance and his character's dynamic with Abra is so great!

Mouling Rouge! is my absolute favorite film ever! He is so good! He is singing and dancing and breaking my heart! The sound he releases at the end of the film when he's holding Satine behind stage after the curtain closes... I seriously cry every single time,, my heart shatters at that moment

Trainspotting: listen,, this film is... just iconic af. Watch it. Experience it. Absorb the rawness of it all. And then watch the sequel (T2 Trainspotting) to it because I believe it truly lives up to the first one.

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen: ok hear me out,, Ewan Mcgregor and Emily Blunt. This movie is so cute and funny and Ewan plays a character that simply cannot express his emotions even though he feels them just as strongly as everyone else and he does so well in conveying that. I love this movie so much.

Christopher Robin: this is my comfort film. Whenever I am just not feeling like being a person, i put this film on. I seriously cannot compliment this film enought but that moment where Christopher is fighting the heffalumps to protect that gang... wow that was my peak im-in-love moment.

((I would have written more but then my family video chatted with me for like an hour so here's a start of recent and old great films that hes in that i love and if you are a new fan of his, i highly recommend you watch. i can recommend more films (Beginners, The Impossible, Son of a Gun, Big Fish, etc.) in detail if you want but I need to get back to my schedule of the day before the oscars start later today))

Sins of the Mother: 12

Part 12: Backstabbed. 

"Do you really think I'm that dumb Damien?" You ask staring up into Dark's eyes angrily. He says he's going to go find Savannah--just find here, but you know better. You can see the rage seething behind his make of perfect calm. He's ready to rip her throat out and feed it to his minions in hell, or wherever he's from. It's never been established where he originated and quite honestly now is not the time to think about it.

Dark sighs, his eyes close, finger tips pinching the bridge of his nose. He has to admit you've gotten much stronger in wielding your magic, far more powerful than he originally anticipated. Sure, he could bend your magic to allow him his freedom but where's the fun in that; and right now he needs a little bit of fun.

It's why he's purposefully getting you riled up. The look of frustration and passion in your eyes, in the way your lip curl into a frown at his plans, he finds it all adorable. He needs it more than he wants to admit to.

"Come now, I have to end this before you are hurt again. Y/n you are my bride; It is my duty to keep you safe from any kind of harm, even from your won family. She will not stop from trying again." Dark tells you sternly. He watches you look away from him with a pout. He knows you dislike his logic but its understood that he will do what he believes in necessary to keep you safe.

"But..." Your voice is small, a shy whisper that completely has his attention. "Who will keep you safe?" You ask seriously, helplessly. "How do you think I will feel if you die? Because of me?" You hate asking it and you immediately have the weight of your question shine through Dark's eyes. Everyone, even you, believed him to be an emotionless demon hell bent on claiming his prize for his own selfish reasons, and in part you guess he believed that too.

For all you assumptions and speculations you'd been wrong. Everyone is wrong. They still believe Dark will whisk you away never to be seen or heard from again. You take your blame for a good part of that thinking. You never corrected anyone or even spoke with anyone about the engagement with Dark.

It's not like you plan to spill the beans to everyone about your engagement, somethings are better left unsaid, but you haven't openly admitted that he's not as bad as everyone had anticipated.

"Y/n, you..." Dark stares at you, really looks at you in your bed with dull green and black bruising around your neck. He can't risk you getting hurt like this again. "You are weak like this. I won't let you fool yourself into thinking you are in anyway powerful enough to take on Savannah. If she's been alive all these years she's more powerful that you could imagine." Dark says plainly. As much as he'd like to keep the lighthearted talk going he can't, not if you're going to be stubborn about this.

"I'm stronger than you think! I can help you. Please, you can't just leave me in this bed like some broken doll in need of mending. I can't have someone else I care about die." You tell him trying to hold on to your anger but anguish manages to push through victorious. You can feel hot, salty tears sting your eyes as you fight against them.

Dark's gaze softens at the site. He knows you'd mourn his passing, should it come to that, but more over you'd have your family to help you cope. If you'd pass he'd have no one and no desire to find another. Sitting down on your bed closest to your side Dark cups your cheek with his large hand.

When you lean into his touch it genuinely is surprised. Sure voicing that you care deeply about him is one thing, showing it in such a blatant way is a completely different animal. He can't pinpoint when it actually happened, or even how it happened. He simply woke up and cared more than he anticipated about how you viewed him.

"I am sorry, Y/n. I would not risk you for my own life." Dark tells you kissing the crown of your head. He feels your hands grip his shirt as if to anchor him to you. You must know what he intends to do.

"Don't do this, Damien. Please." You whisper hoping with everything in you he'll listen to you. You know you don't deserve for him to listen to you, but.. just maybe he'll see reason. "Stay with me." You whisper.

It's a physical pain in his chest at your broken tone. He doesn't want to do this, if he could stay and pretend everything will work out in the end he would, for you he would. Gently he tugs your hands free of his shirt, standing in one swift motion; his eyes locked with yours. "I can allow her to live. She will come after you again." Dark shakes his head.

Closing your eyes your head drops at the feeling of dread sitting in your chest. You know it was unlikely Dark would listen to your plea, but you had to make it all the same. Dark could have given you all the pretty words in the world to ease his decision with you, but he didn't.

"Damien!"

There's no goodbye, not final kiss--first kiss for that matter, Dark doesn't give any indication that he's leaving to find Savannah. You just know. The barrier you'd put up to keep Dark in your room was broken. Snapped like a over stretched rubber band. Breathing deeply and unsteadily through the waves of emotions running through you you look to your Book of Shadows and call the book to you.

It floats to your lap opening to the last spell you'd been learning. Sniffling and rubbing your eyes you stare at the book. Sometimes it shows you spells you need, sometimes it shows you spells you wouldn't have thought of, but right now you want it to show you a spell to speed your healing or to increase your power ten fold. You will not be left behind again.

Standing outside the rebuilt family cabin nearly a hundred miles to the north on an isolated lake of crystal blue water Dark admires the beauty of it all. Perhaps, if he survives he will bring you here so you can gaze up at the stars. He's never wanted to do such things with anyone else; it's odd to want something so mundane, but after being in your life through the lowest times over the past year he's seen his views on relationships--your relationship changed.

He felt her before he saw her. Savannah.

"Well, hello there tall dark and handsome. How are we today, Damien?" Savannah asks standing on the deck of the cabin resting on the small railing wrapped around the porch. It irritates her that Dark doesn't turn immediately to acknowledge her.

"Just a moment. I'm imagining how Y/n would react to a midnight stroll on the lake." Dark says purposefully trying to irk Savannah. Immediately he can tell it works. Savannah never was one to be ignored or over looked. He's doing both.

Gripping the railing with strength unknown to her previously Savannah splinters the wood clear through. Grinding her teeth when Dark still refuses to look back at her Savannah throws the pieces clenched in her hand at him.

Disappearing in the blink of an eye Dark reappears next to Savannah. Cold and heartless eyes look down into her muddy green orbs. "You attempted to murder my wife, Savannah. One could take that as an act of war." Dark's voice echoes around him, amplified by the anger he feels at almost losing you.

Savannah smirks with a slow shrug of her shoulders. "If she would have just listened to reason she wouldn't have be hurt. It's her own fault. We are family after all. It's a shame, really, to be fooled by a pretty face like that... it's comical in a wa--"

Dark doesn't let her posture any longer. His hand shoots out before even he can control himself. Wrapping around Savannah's throat his hand flexes, squeezing tightly. Her hands grab at his, nails digging in to force him into releasing her.

"Her loyalty is impeccable; her devotion to her family is without measure. To see someone as pure, as kind, as caring of her family as her come from your bloodline is beyond comprehension. You should be proud of your granddaughter, instead you wish to bad mouth every way she surpasses you." Dark growls leaning in close to Savannah.

"She's..." Gasp. "Just..." Gasp. "A..." Gasp. "Pathetic girl.." Savannah manages to say with what little air she's getting. The smile on her face fuels Dark's anger and earns her freedom from his grip.

With a flick of his wrist Savannah is sent flying through the thick glass pane panels into the cabin. She lands on a solid oak coffee table that breaks under the force of the throw. A glass lamp and various family knickknacks lay shattered on the hardwood flooring. Dark follows Savannah into the house, his hand pressing against the door. The solid door sores over Savannah's head as she struggles to get to her feet.

"No mercy, huh?" She asks sweeping blood from the corner of her mouth. Meeting Dark's eyes she smirks happily at him. Straightening out her spine she rolls her neck twice.

"That's just a small sample of what I'm about to do to you, Savannah." Dark responds smirking back. It's been so long since he let loose. Rolling his shoulders once Dark removes his jacket and drapes it over the small recliner next to him.

Savannah raises a brow at his action.

"Would want to go back to Y/n with a ruined jacket." He responds to her unasked question. He doesn't believe he will survive this fight, but he'll be damned if he'll let you continue on without a fight. "Ready?" Dark asks giving Savannah a big shark tooth grin.

"Dammit!" You scream doubled over in pain. You still aren't healed up enought to concentrate on anything written in the book, much less creating your own spells to and help Dark. Beathing heavily you turn on your blinker and pull into Alex's parking lot. Gritting your teeth you throw the car in park and exit with your keys in hand.

Alex greets you before you can even get to her door, her smile falling at the sight of you. "Oh my Goddess! Y/n what the fuck happened to you?" She asks rushing to your side to help you.

You wouldn't look so bad if you hadn't been forced to avoid a crash with some idiot speeding and weaving through traffic. You had to make a quick maneuver to avoid the dumbass in the red Camaro and jab your side into your car door. Coupled with the heavy ass book in your arms you're moving slowly and in a lot of pain.

"Inside, please, get me inside." You tell her accepting her help despite the added pain. You managed to heal yourself just enough to get to the store but you'll need a few more things before you can do a full on healing session.

Savannah jumps to the side narrowly avoiding a large bow hunting knife Dark had just thrown. Before she can recover Dark is on her, his hands at her throat. Using her magic Savannah avoids the attack to her throat. She's realized it much earlier in the fight Dark means to kill her.

Grunting Savannah manages to get her feet against Dark's stomach and thrusts up sending him soaring across the clearing, nearly knocking him into the water. Despite her immense magic Savannah is finding it difficult to land a crippling blow. Dark's gotten stronger than she could have anticipated in her absence.

She's tried to distract him with talking, tried to lure him into a false sense of securtiy and triumph but nothing she's tried is working. His entire being is set on killing her. Her mind runs wild with thought, trying to piece together a strategy to unnerve him, throw him off kilter enough to get the upper hand.

"We can make another deal, Damien." Savannah offers as they square off. Both stand straight waiting to see what the other will do, who will attack first. Neither move. Savannah tries to appeal to Dark. "Damien, we can both benifit from a mutual understanding. I'll leave you and Y/n alone, in return you don't interfere with my other dealings."

Remaining neutral Dark knows that's no kind of deal. There isn't anything that can benefit with Savannah alive. It's obvious that she's gained a lot of power in her years, but even as she seems to be holding her own there is something off, something Dark can't put his finger on.

"Here's a new deal: Die." Dark responds rushing Savannah. Disappearing and reappearing Dark crashes into Savannah before she can turn tail and run or even counter his attack. The nails on his hands lengthen and sharpen to points as he drives them into Savannah's abdomen. Savannah screams.

Slumping in the small armchair in the back of the shop Alex shots off a dozen questions at you, none of which you answer. Instead you open the Book of Shadows and flip to a healing spell. "Alex I need these ingredients." You say letting her look over your shoulder.

"Y/n, I have some powerful healing tonics already, I can give them to you. Just tell me what's happening.' Alex says already walking away to grab two vibrant violent colored vials with liquid sloshing inside them.

"I was... attacked." You tell her knowing it's truth enough. "I... I have to heal, I have to help him."

"Him?" Alex echos handing you one of the vials. Nodding you take the vial and toss it back. It has a strong mint taste you don't quite like. A shiver runs down your spine at the after taste.

"Dark. He's in trouble." You tell her breathing with more ease. She hands you the second one and you quickly slam it back before your body can reject it. Your bones no longer hurt, your headache is gone, and you feel a sense of calm come over you.

"Y/n, what are you talking about? The non-human from the other day?" She asks earning another nod form you. She watches you look through the book in your hands. "What's the book?"

"My family's Book of Shadows." You respond finding the banishment spell. If you banish Dark back to wherever he came from he can't be killed, at least not by Savannah.  But, Dark would never forgive you for doing it.

"Y/n, what kind of trouble? Do I need to call the cops?" Alex asks worried.

You shake your head and continue to flip through the book. "No, I have to.... I have to find something... that will banish her..." You whisper continuing to flip through the book. "When did he take this book?" You wonder trying to find dates, times, family names, anything to show you who made the spells, and when the last one was added.

When nothing jumps out at you scream in frustration and throw the book to the ground. "JUST SHOW ME WHAT CAN HELP!" You scream clenching your fists so tightly your nails cut into the palms of your skin. Small drops of blood bubble under your fingers.

"Y/n, it's a book, it can't..." Alex's voice trails off when she looks to the book. "Holy shit... that... that can't be real." She whispers.

Opening your eyes you see text begin to glow on the edge of the parchment the banishing spell is written on. Blinking quickly you sweep away the tears there and lift it up. "If you are reading this, then the worst had come to pass. Lady Scarlet must be stopped. Please, I implore you find her grimoire, her real one. Undo what she has done." Looking around the page you search for more text but see nothing.

Licking your lips you put the book down on the table and close your eyes. You have to find Savannah's true book of spells. It never did sit right that she would give all her spells up to pass alone, there had to be some she kept for herself.

Taking a few breaths you try something you haven't before. "All seeing eye of time and place,  take to that which I desire. Aid my search and fuel my fire. In your debt I pray to thee, take to the place I seek." As you speak each word of a spell of your own design you feel prickling along you skin, every hair on your body is standing on end as your words echo around you filling the space with your voice.

Beside you Alex stares in horror and wonder. Below your feet a symbol Alex doesn't recognize flashes as a phantom wind wraps the room. Herbs, flowers, and paper begin to fly around the pair of you. Out of fear for what's happening Alex attaches herself to your side. "/n, what are you doing..."

Shushing her you retain your concentration. It feels like you have millions of hands and eyes searching for the very thing you wish to find. It doesn't take long in reality but it feels longer than a lifetime, but then... in a dark hidden room in the estate.

"Take me there." You command and the spell obeys. Within a flash of light you find yourself standing in the middle of a dark chamber. "Lights." You whisper. The candles in the chamber burst to life. Looking around in the soft glow it hard to determine in which wing you're in.

"What the fuck?" Alex asks looking around in disbelief. She just can't wrap her mind around being transported from one building to another without physically doing it herself.

"Shh, I don't know what kid of traps Savannah could have around here." You whisper tiptoeing through the chamber. Keeping a weathered eye our you see a small alter set up a few yards away from you. Alex keeps close, mirroring your movements. Standing in front of the that Alter you lay your hand on the book to open it. just touching it you feel it radiate evil and hatred. You have t push through the need to remove your hand and slowly open the book.

Like the Book of Shadows it responds to your magical abilities. Swallowing the lump in your throat you whisper, "Show me what I seek."

Jerking away from Dark, Savannah looks in the directing of the estate. She could feel it the moment your hand touched her grimorie. Cursing under her breath Savannah summons spikes of rocks and hurls them at Dark. He easily doges but he's not looking much better than she.

"That little whore. She's smarter than I thought." Savannah snarls gathering her magic within her. Muttering a spell under her breath she waits for it to take hold .

Looking though with lightening speed you find the spell Savannah used to keep herself alive. Well, according to the book she's not actually alive. She's possessing her blood relative to to use as her puppet. Your only question is; Who is she possessing? Looking through the next page you see the horrifying truth of her spell.

"Oh shit..." You whisper covering your mouth with your hand. "She has no heart." You add feeling as if your heart is being ripped from your chest. Fighting against your emotions Alex screams behind you.

"YN! Y-you're disappearing!!" Alex shouts point at your less that solid figure. Gasping she reaches out to you not wanting to be left alone in the dark chamber with no way out.

Struggling to retain control over your breathing and anxiety you look around. Floundering for idea you see the candles saying, "Flame shining so bright be my guiding light. Find the path and light my way. Only extinguish once I see the light of day."

Just after you utter the finishing word the flames on the candles jump off the wicks forming a large fire ball bobbing up and down in the chamber. "Show her the way out." You command your voice fading along with your body.

Alex screams your name again in fear. You wish you could tell her you're sorry but the chamber gives way to trees and a lake. Blinking a few times to adjust to the light you her grunting and crashing behind you. Spinning around you see Savannah and Dark locked in battle. Both looking worse for wear.

Biting your first thought to cry out you look for cover and run directly for the tree line. You know it was Savannah that brought you to the war zone. For what purpose you're not quite sure. She could be trying to use you against Dark, or she could have realized you found her true book of shadows, or perhaps it's a little of both. No matter what way the coin is flipped you refuse to be apart of it.

Savannah smirks when Dark catches a glimpse  of you dashing into the trees. Her idea worked better than she could have hoped. Manifesting a long ceremonial knife she rushes Dark getting in close. "You shouldn't have taken your eyes off me." She sneers thrusting the knife tot he hilt into Dark's side.

Crying out Dark stares into Savannah's eyes. "Don't think you can win this." Dark responds with a cocky smirk. Before Savannah can pull the knife, or even just release it to get away Dark's hand wraps around her throat his nails digging into the soft flesh there. He's already decided he would choke the life from her, to watch her soul finally leave him be.

Looking was a bad idea, but knowing the truth you couldn't help yourself. The illusion falls before your eyes. Your heart bleeding pain once again at the sight before you. "Stop!!" You scream.

Scared. / Brendon Urie

Word count: 1,2k Warnings: angst, epileptic fit, fluff Listen to: Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

REQUESTED.

REQUESTS GO HERE! // masterlist

It was the typical Sunday next to Brendon. He was lying on the couch playing video games with his head resting over my lap while I ran my hand through his hair. He couldn’t help but giggle everytime I touched the back of his head, it melted my heart every single time he did that. Without any doubt, I couldn’t be more in love with that man.

Despite of his busy schedule, Brendon always had a moment for me whenever I needed it. Even if he was about to start a concert and I needed to hear him at least for a second, he’d prefer being late for the show so we could talk before he went on stage. I knew he would always be there for me, as I’d always be there for him. Brendon was the most supportive and dependable person I knew, that’s why I was so that in love with him. I felt like we were made for each other.

A couple months ago I had that epileptic fit that changed my life completely. It was the first time I had ever experienced something like that and since that day, I had a bunch of epileptic seizures. They were never very strong but I had ended up in the hospital a few times. Fourtunately, Brendon was by my side every minute. We made a pact, which consisted of not keeping away of each other unless it was strictly necessary. And we’ve been respecting it since then.

Brendon was so focused on his game that didn't noticed I had stop caressing his hair. But I had just started feeling nauseous and felt the need of throwing up. However and despite I ran into the bathroom as faster as I could, I ended up throwing up in the middle of the living room. Brendon jumped out of the sofa as soon as he heard me. A few seconds later I felt one of his hands around my waist, squeezing it gently. He used his other hand to pull the hair away of my face.

“Are you alright, baby?” He inquired and frowned. “Do you wanna go to the bathroom? Are you stil --?”

I raised a hand, trying to tell him to give me just a second before I could recover at all and even talk. But as much as I tried, I couldn’t think clearly. My head was spinning, it was vertigo what I was feeling. I had experienced that before and I knew what was coming next. However I wasn’t able to warn Brendon since my body was paralyzed and I felt I would fall down if it wasn’t because he was holding me.

“Y/N say something.” Brendon stuttered. That was the last thing I could hear before I finally fell down on the floor.

Brendon.

Her body seemed to slip from my arms like she was made of butter. Suddenly my girlfriend’s body touched the floor, making a thud that totally creeped me out. She was having one of her, now usual, epileptic seizures. My heart started beating faster than ever when I saw her writhing and shaking. Fortunately, I knew what I had to do.

First of all, I made sure she wasn’t lying down with the face up and then tried to protect her from hitting her head. The kind of seizures she had didn’t use to last so long, but they always got me on my nerves. I couldn’t see Y/N like that.

She threw up again and then, finally, her body stopped shaking all of a sudden. As the usual, Y/N kept her eyes closed for a while until she regained consciousness. I cleaned the sweat on her forehead with my sleeve and then caressed her beautiful face until her eyes started to get opened again.

I saw how she was trying to say something, but I stopped her from doing it.

“Just nod with your head. Alright?” As a response she nodded. “Are you alright? You feeling... good?”

Y/N made a strange movement with her head, I interpreted that as a ‘more or less’.

“I’m covered in my own vomit.” She managed to say and then smiled at me. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Need a shower.”

“You need to rest. That’s what you need. You hadn't had one of these for weeks. I thought you were starting to get better.”

Reader.

I hated the fact that he was feeling bad because of me. I hated when that happened just because of that reason. I didn’t want him to feel unwell, sad or worried. I knew about his anxiety and sometimes I felt like I was just making it worse. We’d been through such a rough time.

Brendon helped me to stand up and walked with me to the bathroom. I wasn't really feeling as bad as I looked. In fact and surprisingly, I was just a bit dizzy. Some other times I’d not even able to say nothing, but that time, I was ‘okay’.

I sat on the toilet seat and with my boyfriend’s help, I took off my shirt and the sweatpants I was wearing. Brendon turned on the shower and crossed his arms while looking at me.

“You’re stubborn, we both know that, but I still think you should wait until you get into the shower. What if you fall down or something?”

I shook my head. “Believe me or not, I’m feeling good. Not as other times. And if you don’t want me to be there alone, join me then.”

He tried to hide it, but it was a smirk what I saw on his lips. Without saying any other word, Brendon gor undressed in front of me. "I think the water is hot enought, already.” he said.

“No, you’re hot.” I mumbled but he could still hear me.

“I knew that, baby. There’s no need of saying the obvious.” He winked. Then helped me to take off my underwear and we both got into the shower. It was the first time ever I appreciated the not so big size of our shower.

I rested my forehead over his chest while the hot water ran down our bodies. Brendon’s arms got wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to him. He kissed the top of my head after resting his chin over it.

“What would I do without you?” he questioned. I wasn’t sure if that question was actually for me or maybe he was just thinking out loud. 

“It should be me the one who asked that, actually.” He looked at my eyes and shook his head. “I’m a disaster. I’d be lost without you.”

“You’re perfect. And you have me wrapped aroun your little finger. I’ve never felt what I feel when I’m with you, Y/N. And God -- You’re such a strong woman. I’m so proud that I can call you my girl.”

“I don't deserve you, Urie.” I hugged him tightly.

We stayed like that for a while, ‘dancing’ to an non existent tune. It was just the two of us.

“Brendon...” I called him.

“Yeah, baby?”

“I’m sorry if I scared you or made you feel anxious. You know how much I hate when this happens.”

“I’ll admit it. I was scared. But you don’t have to be sorry, Y/N. I told you months ago, we’d go throught this together. No matter what I’ll be here for you. Just like you’re always there for me.”

“But what if --”

Brendon pressed his lips over mines, making me shut up at once. I really needed that.

“There’s no ‘what if’, baby. I will be loving you until we get old. I promise.”

“Well, that’s a lot of time.”

He smiled and kissed me once again. “Exactly.”

Gotta say I’ve never met someone who had ever had an epileptic seizure, so I’ve written this with some facts about epilepsy I found on the internet. I bet I messed up with something, but I tried ;)

DON’T FORGET TO LEAVE YOUR RESQUEST. AND ALSO TO TELL ME IF YOU WANNA BE TAGGED ON MY POSTS!

no strings attached (aaron/robert, victoria) in which aaron is insensitive, and robert worries 

so this is the first proper angst fic i’ve written in deaf!worse and i;m worried. it’s just.... i realised aaron had been more than sympathetic towards robert for too long and it didn’t feel realistic? especially not to aaron’s character. so. this is the fic i’ve written to make myself feel more comfortable. because life for deaf people isn’t always easy. 

NOT THAT THIS DOESN’T HAVE A HAPPY ENDING. because this is ultimately a feel good fic series so.

for @robertisbisexual @victoriasugden and @capseycartwright  and so many other people who always tell me they love my deaf!au and i am never going to be worthy of any of you

Robert’s in the cafe. 

He doesn’t want to to go to the pub, because he knows that’s where Aaron’ll be, and he can’t be bothered to deal with the mass of Dingles who will inevitably want to stick their noses in. 

Tucked into the corner, out of the way of most of the diners, Robert’s nursing a cup of tea. It’s not his usual fair, shrugging aside Bob’s usual sign of Americano for a different drink. He doesn’t know why now that he has it, watching steam curl out of the top of the mug. Laika’s at his feet, head on is trainer, and tail thumping rhythmically against his other leg. She’s got her ears pricked in Bob’s direction, and Robert knows she’s waiting for the obligatory treat. Usually, it would be enought to draw out a smile, but Robert’s not in the mood.

There’s a wave of a hand in the periphery of Robert’s vision and he looks up, watches Bob wave in his direction. 

Victoria. 

Robert makes a face, knows his sister can’t resist sticking her nose in his relationship. He doesn’t want to talk about Aaron, not to anyone, much less his little sister. 

Afterward, when Robert slammed his way out of Andy’s, ignoring the brush of Aaron’s hand against his arm, he’d seen her outside of David’s and wanted to scream at her, blame her. She was the reason he and Aaron had met that way, the sign for good looking drawing him in like she knew it would. 

Now Robert’s just tired, trying to ignore the unfurling sadness and loneliness in his chest. 

Vic slides into the seat opposite, Laika’s happy rumble as she reaches up for a pet. Vic obliges, scratches her fingers through Laika’s fur. Robert risks a glance up, sees the sad look on her face. She meets his gaze. One handed, she signs,You okay?

Fine, Robert signs, a look on his face letting her know just how stupid the question is. I love fighting with my boyfriend.

The word still shocks Robert sometimes, the thrill up his spine. He and Aaron have been together so long, sometimes it feels like he’s always been in Robert’s life. 

Until yesterday. 

Aaron’s in the pub, Vic tells him unnecessarily. 

Robert snorts, hands angry as he tells her, why do you think I’m in here? Much less chance of running into a Dingle.

The sign for Dingle has changed recently; before, when Jack formed the sign, he’d been derogatory. Robert hadn’t know why, but had followed, because he hadn’t understood the implication behind the sign. Thinks didn’t improve between Jack and Robert and Robert abandoned all signs his father had formed. Even more so when Robert fell in love with a Dingle. 

He combines the signs for family and love into a familial love symbol that Vic knows the implications for. Their family wasn’t always the closest, and for all their criminality and dysfunction, the love running underneath the Dingles was vast and all-encompassing. 

Even for Robert, whose own family had been at odds with the Dingles for so many years. 

Until Aaron. 

Until Aaron and Robert. 

He’s hurting, Vic tells him, abandoning Laika in order to use both hands. Robert, whatever he did-

Robert cuts her off, shaking his head. It can’t be made better by a simple I love you, Vic. 

Vic looks frustrated, runs a hand over her head. He’s sorry. You know he is.

Shrugging, Robert stares down into his cup of tea. You wanna know what he said?

Does it matter?

Anger bubbles up in his chest. “We’re not having a stupid fight, Vic,” Robert snaps, watches shock ripple across Vic’s face, Bob’s interested frown. 

“Robert-”

“Laika,” Robert snaps, and she’s immediately on her feet, harness still firmly attached. 

Vic holds up a hand. Robert.

We fought, Robert signs viciously, one-handed. Just because I can be a dick sometimes, doesn’t give him the right to say the things he said. Of course they matter.

Without waiting for Vic’s response, Robert gestures for Laika to lead the way out of the cafe.

The cricket pavilion has been Robert’s escape for so long. 

He remembers coming here after the diagnosis, hiding away from prying eyes and sad smiles. It had been safer, somehow, to be by himself, even if it had been incredibly isolating. 

Laika’s sitting in the doorway, watching the birds flitter from bush to tree. Robert’s got a foot on her lead, not that she’d ever run far. She’s well trained. Phone in hand, Robert’s scrolling through his emails, deliberately not looking at anything else; there’s so much of Aaron in his phone, he can’t stand the pinch of hurt in his chest. 

After the third email, Laika shifts, ears pricked and tail going ninety to the dozen. She’s over excited, and Robert knows of only one person who can garner that reaction from her besides Robert. 

He stiffens, waits for the shadow to fall across the window, and a familair figure crouch down in front of Laika. Robert’s watching his mouth, sees him form the words, “Hey, girl. Thought you might be here.”

Aaron’s eyes lift from their dog - because Robert’s hearing dog she may be, but she’s theirs, has been since they brought her home - up to Robert’s face. 

Hi, he signs, hesitating, not moving from his crouch. 

Robert’s missed him, but he’s still angry enough that his jaw clenches, and he signs, Hi? That’s all I get, huh?

That’s not fair, Aaron signs, pushing himself back up to his feet. You didn’t even give me a chance to apologise.

For which part? Robert abandons his pretence of indifference and gestures angrily between them, hands signing faster than Aaron’s used to, and maybe he’s not getting everything, but Robert’s been sitting on this for a day. The part where you started over an argument over something you suggested? Or the part where you told me that our lives would be so much easier if I could hear?

Aaron looks ashamed, colour flushing his cheeks. There’s guilt in every line of his body, and Robert can see the pain in every gesture of his hands. 

I was scared, Aaron says, eyes full of emotion. They’re wet, like he wants to cry, and Robert’s heart skips. What I said was inexcusable. I was angry because you weren’t taking your safety seriously. Having Laika doesn’t guarantee you’re completely safe. 

That doesn’t mean you can treat my deafness like it’s something to be fixed, Robert replies, hands calmer. Aaron’s eyes flick to the seat next to Robert. With a nod, Robert slides over, waits for Aaron to sit gingerly on the edge before continuing. If you want easy, there are plenty of people that aren’t deaf. 

Aaron nods, brushes a hand over his eyes. They’re not you.

Robert’s caving, can feel himself wanting to give in, but he’s hurt. You invited me to work at the Scrapyard. No job is going to be 100% safe for me, Aaron. You have to understand that if we’re going to have a future.

I know.  Aaron shifts, sits so that he’s facing Robert, one leg tucked underneath him. I’m just scared of losing you. That’s not an excuse, I’m not trying to get you to forgive me, I’m just trying to explain. I didn’t mean that I wished you could hear.

Objectively, Robert knows that. Aaron’s rarely vindictive, if ever, and he wears his heart on his sleeve. Robert knew as soon as Aaron said it that he was sorry, and guilty, but the words were out there and neither of them could ignore them or pretend they hadn’t been said. 

But you wish I had an implant or something, Robert signs slowly, wants Aaron to understand enough to get the implication of what he’s asking. 

No, Aaron signs, emphatic in his expression. That’s your choice and your choice alone. 

So why did you say it? Robert asks, wants desperately to know. 

If you could hear, Aaron signs slowly, eyes on Robert’s face, like he’s choosing everything he says carefully, you would be safe. If you could hear, you wouldn’t come this close to being injured at work again. If you could hear, 

But, Robert starts, stalls when Aaron wraps his fingers around Robert’s and squeezes. Robert waits him out, watches Aaron’s fingers tap his chin, bring his head up. 

But you can’t hear, Aaron signs. And that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I love you just as you are, you believe me, don’t you?

Yes, Robert says, because he does. He can’t not. 

Then trust that I said what I did out of worry and fear of losing you. 

It still hurts, and Robert’s used to having his deafness seen as inconvenience enough that he’s still worried it will come up again, that Aaron will bring it up again, but as he stares into Aaron’s face, sees the love and the guilt and worry written all over it, Robert hopes it won’t. 

I don’t want the implant, Robert says. I don’t like wearing my hearing aids because they amplify everything except the important bits. 

Aaron lifts his hands, but it’s Robert’s turn to wave him off. 

Let me finish, he signs. I know you’re scared and even with Laika, you’re worried I’ll hurt myself. Which is why I spoke to Charity.

Aaron raises his eyebrows, puzzled but interested. 

I’ve had my injury settlement sat in the bank for as long as I’ve been deaf. Robert doesn’t know how or why Jack convinced the insurance company to pay up, and he doesn’t want to know. The money was the only thing aside from Sarah that Jack ever did right. I bought out her share of Home James. 

A smile curves Aaron’s lips. Robert’s hit with just how much he loves him, how much he wants him. Really?

Robert nods. I might have to hand in my notice. 

Aaron laughs. He sobers quickly, looking sad. And us?

I love you, Robert signs easily. He shifts closer, touches Aaron’s face. Aaron leans into it, like he’s missed it, and Robert’s heart aches. I’m hurt and I’ll still worry you don’t want me because I’m deaf.

Never, Aaron signs. He darts in, presses a quick kiss to Robert’s lips. Robert’s hand catches the back of his head, holds him there. They kiss slowly, reverently, and Robert knows he couldn’t give this up. He trusts Aaron, trusts that he won’t hurt Robert again. When they part, Aaron brushes a thumb over Robert’s bottom lip. He tilts his head back, waits for Robert to press his index and middle finger to his throat before saying, “I love you.”

Robert’s heart skips and he leans in, buries his face in Aaron’s neck. Aaron’s fingers brush through his hair, his lips press to Robert’s temple. Robert swallows, says, “Can you handle me not wanting the implant?”

Pulling back, Aaron holds Robert’s face in his hands, looks genuine and honest. “It’s your choice,” he says. “I love you for you, Robert. Nothing is going to stop that.”

“Promise?” Robert can’t stop himself asking. 

I promise, Aaron signs, and says. 

Robert hears him, lets himself believe it. 

A Bottle of Jack

A/n- This fic was written for @impalaimagining’s Cheesy Pickup Line Challenge. My prompt was “Roses are red, pickles are green. I like your legs and what’s in between.” It was also written for @ravengirl94’s 1.5k challenge. My prompt for her was “I’m too sober for this.” Both are bolded in the story. This is unbeta’d, so all mistakes are mine alone. I hope y’all like it!

I'm also tagging a few extra people I think would like this. If you wish to not be tagged in things like this, it won't hurt my feelings if you tell me so.

Warnings: Swearing, smut adjacent (no explicit smut, but I would NOT consider it SFW) fluff, teensy bit of angst if you look at just the right time, switching POVs.

Word count: 3,034 (this one kind of got away from me)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

EDIT: 'Keep Reading' link inserted.

Y/N's POV

You, Dean, and Sam always went to some grungy bar scene to celebrate a successful hunt. More often than not, you ended up being the one who quit after 3 beers to make sure you all got back to whatever motel you were staying at safely. You thought tonight would be no different, so you sat up at the bar, watching Dean hustle some guys at pool and Sam hitting on one of the waitresses. She bore a striking resemblance to Jess, and you didn’t have the heart to tear him away so you could talk about your feelings.

Dean was a flirt. He flirted with anything that had long tan legs and a pair of boobs, which included you. But he never seemed to want to take things further. He kissed you once, when he was shit-face drunk. It was after a hunt gone bad, and you had gotten really hurt. A rougarou had sliced your stomach open and if it weren’t for Dean literally holding you together until Cas got there, you wouldn’t have made it. He pushed you away again after his lips left yours that night, and when he never brought it up the next morning, you figured he either didn’t remember or thought it was a mistake. So you left it alone.

Sam, on the other hand, he encouraged your emotions. He thought his brother cared for you, but was afraid of losing you like so many others he once loved. So he pushed you away to protect you and himself. He couldn’t bring himself to let his walls down and let you in. But Sam pushed you keep trying. You both deserve to be happy, and happy together, he said. You wanted to believe him, but sitting here watching Dean eye the girls standing around him, it was hard.

Sighing, you signaled the bartender for a refill. As she went to take the bottle away, you asked her if she could leave it.

“My boss ain’t here tonight, so I guess it’s alright. Just don’t start any trouble, or I’ll tell the cops you stole it when they show up for you.”

“Don’t worry, I just want to keep to myself tonight,” you informed her with a sad tone.

She gave you a curt nod as she walked away, clearly happy that she didn’t have to wait on you anymore.

You decided in that moment, sitting there watching Dean teach some bimbo to play pool, that you were going to get drunk. The motel was close enough you could just walk back. Chances are you’d have to walk back anyways. You usually did on the nights that both the brothers got lucky. But you didn’t want to think about Dean anymore, you just wanted to be numb.

You didn’t bother nursing the alcohol. You just kept pouring drink after drink. After a while, Sam came to let you know he was going home with the Jessica Moore look-alike.

“S’fine Sammy,” you slurred at him. “Haves fun.” You turned back to your bottle, looking at it with lidded eyes.

“Whoa…what the hell Y/N? You’re not driving, right?”

“I’s gonna walk. I know where’m going.”

“Okaaay… Just…just wait here for a second, okay?”

You wordlessly waved him off as you went back to drinking away all your emotions.

-----

Dean's POV

Sam walked over to me. “Do you have any idea what the fuck you’re doing to Y/N? She’s over there drinking herself into oblivion because you can’t be a man for two god damn minutes and tell her how you feel. Instead, you’re forcing her to watch while you get wasted and go home with some ditzy bitch! Man up and go tell her, now, or I’ll tell her for you, and I won’t stop her when she kicks your ass into next week for it, or worse; when she walks out on us because you’re too much of a coward to say something. Go fix this Dean!”

I looked at Sam like a deer in headlights.

“Dean don’t you dare tell me I haven’t tried to tell you about all this before. You don’t get to play dumb and act all innocent here. That poor woman is slowly killing herself, because she thinks you’re happy this way. I don’t know how much more of this she can take, or how much more I can take standing by and watching her do this to herself. She fucking loves you man, and you’re killing her. Please, at least get her back to the motel and let her sleep it off. Now, I’m going home with Allie over there, so fix this tonight while I’m not around. I’ll see you in the morning. Take care of her, Dean.” Sam’s voice dropped at the end, making him sound a little more threatening than he usually did.

I rubbed a hand down my face as I sighed. Sam was right; I was being an ass to Y/N because I was a coward. I was too afraid of losing her, but I would lose her anyways if things continued like this. She would walk right out of my life because I was hurting her. Sighing once again, I made my way over to Y/N at the bar, ignoring the protests of what’s-her-face over at the pool table.

Y/N just about fell off her barstool by the time I reached her. I shot a hand out to steady her on her feet, but she scowled and wrenched her arm away.

“Hey honey…how ya doing?”

She turned around and her face softened when she realized it was me.

“Hiya handsome. Buy me a drink?” she slurred as she stumbled against my chest. “I like your face. I wanna kiss it. Can I kiss your face Deano?”

I groaned. “I’m too sober for this.” I ran a hand down his face and collected myself for a moment. “Come on Y/N. Let’s go back to the motel. You need water and sleep.”

I took her by the arm but quickly changed tactics when she swayed around.  I placed my arm around her waist and led her out the door. As I helped her into the Impala, she leaned over and hurled onto the pavement. I jumped out of the way just in time to save my boots.

“Okay you make sure you get all that out now, sweetheart! There’s no puking in Baby!”

She sat back up after a minute. “Do you have any water?”

“We’ll get you some when we get to the motel.”

“I just wanna… I gotta…” She moved across the bench seat and placed her head on my shoulder. She hummed, “better,” and then shut her eyes.

A few minutes later, I was pulling Baby into the parking spot in front of Y/N’s motel room. Normally she shared with him and Sam, but every now and then they had the extra money to spring her a room of her own room.  As I helped her out of the car, she threw herself against my chest.

“You’re so pretty Dean. Got a pretty face. I just wanna smush it and kiss it. I gotta touch it.” She reached her hand out to stroke my face, but I caught her by the wrist.

“Whoa whoa whoa. Let’s just… Let’s get you inside and we’ll talk about it over some water. You need so much water…”

As I sat her down on one of the beds, she started giggling uncontrollably.

“What’s so damn funny?”

 She took a gasping breath, trying to control herself. “Do you have a map? I’m getting lost in your eyes.”

I laughed so hard I almost fell over. “Cheesy pickup lines? Really Y/N? That’s my bid. Try all you want, but that’s not gonna work on me.”

“I was feeling a little off tonight, but you definitely turned me on.”

I just shook my head and sighed as I sat down next to her. She pulled me down to lie on the bed with her.

“Are you an orphanage? Cause I wanna give you kids.”

Dean let out a groan.

“You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?”

I growled and screwed my eyes shut for a moment, willing my erection to go away. I opened my eyes when the sound of soft snoring drifted to my ears. She had passed out, thank Chuck.

I sent Sam a text message before I decided to take a cold shower.

Sam, she was too drunk for me to say anything tonight. She couldn’t even stand upright. I’m staying in her room for the night and will tell her first thing in the morning, so long as she is sober. I want this to be something she remembers. –D

I took a shower, finally calming myself enought to go lay with her, and checked my phone on the way to the bed..

You better. My threat still stands, Dean; I will if you don’t. And you won’t like that outcome.

I rolled my eyes, too tired to come up with some witty response. I pulled on a t-shirt and crawled into bed next to Y/N. Before I could even reach to turn of the lamp on the bedside table, she had rolled over and snuggled into my side with her head buried in my neck. I could smell the rosemary and mint shampoo she uses, and the rose scented body wash she loves so much. I ran my hand through her hair almost involuntarily, and she roused for a split second. She picked her head up and looked at me with unfocused eyes and a sparkling smile. She pushed her face back down into my neck, and I felt her inhale deeply.

So quiet I almost missed it, she murmured, “I love you Dean Winchester. Please don’t leave me.”

In that moment, my heart broke. She has lost so many people, and she thought she would lose me too. Pressing a kiss to her head, I softly whispered, “I’ll never leave you, Y/N. I love you too much to ever leave. I’ll always be here for you, I promise.”

I quickly fell asleep, listening to the even breathing from Y/N. I didn’t even think about how things would play out in the morning. I just knew I would tell her how I felt all this time. Even though I don’t deserve her, she deserved to know.

-----

Y/N's POV

You slowly came to your senses as you took stock of the scene around you. Sunlight was filtering in through the dingy curtains on the opposite side of the room. Your head was pounding and your throat burned. Between the taste in your mouth and your burning throat, you knew you had puked last night. But normally when you get that wasted, you don’t sleep that well. And you certainly don’t curl up under the covers of your bed. You don’t even make it to the bed half the time…

As you braced your hand under you to sit up, you froze. There was someone beneath you. Very cautiously, you turned your head to see who it was.

“Dean? What are you doing in my bed?! Oh my god I swear whatever it was I said last night, I’m sure I didn’t mean it. You know how I get when I’m drunk! I’m so sorry Dean. God I can never do anything right, I always screw everything up! And now I’ve gone and screwed up our friendship! Just say the word and I’ll pack my things and go. I’ll hotwire a car until I can get back to mine at the bunker. I don’t wanna-”

Dean pressed his lips to yours and wrapped his hand around the back of your neck as you melted into his chest once more. Finally he broke away, but didn’t take his hands off you. He kept you firmly planted against his body.

“You’re not going anywhere. I’ve been a fool, Y/N. I was too scared to say anything to you about my feelings, because I couldn’t handle it if you ran off, if I ruined this. I mean, you’re my brother’s best friend, and you’re what keeps us from falling apart, sometimes literally. I don’t know how to function without you, so I didn’t say anything. God, Y/N, I love you. I love you more than I can put into words. You are the best thing to ever walk into my life, and I’m never letting you walk out. I know you love me too, because you said it last night. You also said some other things, but if you don’t remember them I won’t dredge it up. I like drunk Y/N though. She’s hilarious and so adorable!”

As Dean snorted with laughter, memories came flooding back to you. You felt your face pale slightly.

“Did I really… Did I try pickup lines on you?” you asked in horror.

Dean could only nod his confirmation; he was laughing too hard and having trouble breathing. You whacked his chest.

“It’s not funny Dean! This is so embarrassing…” you sat up and faced away from Dean as you hung your head in your hands.

“It’s not embarrassing.” He sat up and pulled you between his legs, your back against his chest. He pressed hot open-mouthed kisses to your neck and shoulder while his hands found their way under the hem of your tank top. “Do you have any idea the things you did to me last night? I had to take a cold shower before I could get anywhere near you again. And feel what you’ve done to me this morning already?” He grabbed your hips and pressed your ass against his already hard cock.

You let out an involuntary moan at the contact. Part of you was in shock, not really believing that Dean could want you this way. Another part of you was so in love with this man holding you. And yet another part of you was so hungover, you were bordering on still drunk.

“Dean… wait, please stop.” He immediately released you, almost like you had burned him. You knew how it must look, so before he could react the wrong way, you spun around to kneel between his legs and wrap your arms around his neck. You regretted the fast movement almost instantaneously.  You braced yourself against his chest as your head dropped to his shoulder with a rather loud groan.

“I want this. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I stink, I feel like I drank an entire bottle of Jack, and all I want is to shower and get greasy diner food to cure this hangover. Then we can have all the sex we want. But I want to enjoy it, and I certainly don’t want our first time to be interrupted by my churning stomach. So can I get cleaned up and we go get food?”

“God you’re perfect. Let’s get you in the shower and then we’ll go get Sammy and find some grub. And just for the record, you did drink a whole bottle of Jack.”

Since you were still so unsteady on your feet, Dean decided to shower with you. For ‘safety’ purposes, he said. As he was helping you wash your hair, you leaned against his body and felt his hardness pressed against your ass once more.

“Hey Dean?” you asked.

“Yeah baby?”

“Roses are red, pickles are green. I like your legs and what’s in between.” You said as you reached your hand back between your bodies and grabbed him as he let out a gasp.

Neither one of you could keep your hands off the other and, well, things happened anyways. Glorious things happened, and you were secretly glad you were so hungover.

You both were getting dressed when there was a knock on the door. You were more clothed than Dean at that point, so you went to answer it. You were wearing one of Dean’s t-shirt’s and a pair of your cute undies. You cracked the door and Sam stood there holding coffee.

“Hey Y/N. How’s the head? You were pretty far gone last night…” he cackled.

“I’m fine Sammy. Now give me my damn coffee!” you grumped as you snatched the outstretched cup from his hand.

“Hey have you seen Dean this morning? Baby is here, but I can’t find him.”

You smirked. Either he was playing dumb, or he honestly hadn’t taken note of your appearance. “Come in Sam.”

You swayed back into the room and Dean grabbed you around the waist as Sam closed the door. He looked at the two of you and grinned. “It’s about damn time!” he yelled. “Oh my god you two were driving me insane with the whining and the pining and the obliviousness! I seriously thought I was gonna rip all my hair out before this happened.”

Dean piped up, “well, if it wasn’t for Miss I’m-gonna-drink-the-whole-bar here, it may not have happened at all.”

You blushed in embarrassment as the boys laughed at you and you pushed Dean’s hands off you.

“Hey Sam, did you know that cheesy pickup lines work on your brother just as well as the bimbos he uses them on?”

They both froze. Dean stared at you with his mouth wide open, while Sam’s eyes darted back and forth, trying to discern if you were serious.

“You mean…”

“Yup,” you said, cutting Sam off while you yanked your shorts and Converse on.

Seconds later, he burst into laughter once again. His whole face scrunched up as he clutched at his stomach and pointed at Dean. “OH-oh my god dude. She bagged you with those pickup lines!”

“Shut up Sammy!” he said with a beet red face. “I thought you wanted to go find greasy diner food Y/N?”

You skipped over to him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I do. I just wanted to get back at you for teasing me first.”

“Oh sweetheart. You have no idea what you’ve started!” he called after you as you skipped out to the Impala, leaving him and the still laughing Sammy behind. Everything was finally right with you and Dean, and you didn’t really care what pranks he pulled on you. As long as you had him, nothing else mattered.

Dean Tags:

@spn-dean-and-sam-winchester

Extra tags:

@whispersandwhiskerburn

@katymacsupernatural

@leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid

@queen-of-deans-booty

Feedback is welcome and much appreciated!

The power behind the pen Power of words Moved to make a difference Daring to proclaim and share I am in control The therapy when words Arent enought The stroke sex could never (provoke) Thrusting back and forth Releasing this pain gives me pleasure The Savior of many jumps and cuts not taken No strange fruit today only their roots have been removed, that's were it started Let's start a Sankofa Movement! To express the stories Fairytales are real But that doesn't mean nightmare are obsolete They hunt me like a dream and wake me from sleep, and foretake my daydreams But what are the nightmares What are the fairy tales The yin and yang of emotions of fear and love The tears you understand The laughter we get in when we can The Purging of the soul you encourage Not to dwell but to deal You are not alone, I am with you though these melodies, through this cadence, through the weghering and strength of my voice I write for you I write for me To right my wrongs And to wrong my rights To spread awareness and awakenings of souls To inform, but reassure you are in control Honestly is healing, the truth is mean to hurt but you can't hide your hands when dealing Show them whether your shaking or ready to rumble The art of freedom Escapism is felt through this work of art Realism is exposed To what cost? To Heal. Influence from frequencies of the highest form Reflecting the times and giving hope and optimism through the adversities we've always faced And face The light can come though in darkness I've learned to not be afraid to admit that in light, darkness can dwell Vulnerability is exposed Pain is exposed Passion is never hybrid but free to fly soulo I've learned  a cage can't even protect me But from what exactly Conditioning washed free to live and eXpress A depth not only I breathe Freedom to feel no fear I am who I am And I express that freely Let it go, mend what has been damaged Time is a remedy but so is sound waves I can fly and I want you to recognize your wings Focus your peripheral Revolt again the norm of the machine Who already have written documents for you to read Fight the demons that shield me I've learned to channel that through my hands to write my mistakes and revalations I speak the voices afraid to speak For those who can't express their words to hit others deep My peoples refuge to make ends with reflections and the real eyes in the mirror See my Conscious,  i speak to you subconscious, so you no longer remain unconscious How could this be devils music when I'm hear to heal the people Hell doesn't hold a retrospective of this wisdom Unity wouldn't be recognizable They could aid to the pain, but the muse would silence out their agendas Like attacks.of depression, but when you see so.some running from trouble, you follow in persute of what they want to grasp Or has these holistic Spells always reign supreme and every hex will soon to be a lesson learned and picked from the garden of harmonies The notes rang in the air To be heard, smelt and felt through the air and ears These sounds aren't just heard but felt Like self care on the shoulder of a damaged self Revelations are capital through sound And cuts are repaired in time through reassurance of signature counts The beauty of the healing of the healers We connect though all sources The arts contribute to the biggest changes in the world and ours. With no time stamped on R(evolution) Enjoy my penmanship on the mic and on the canvas My radical behaviors not rational The lines on the paper are automatically in between Releasing demons and scared past We take those bullets without dodging and give it time to heal Sacrificing sanity for a couple or minutes, hours, moments No muzzle to buffle our sound Clarity unfolding from low frequency vibes Let's get high, activate your crown of purple I let go I heal I teach I learn I grow I appreciate I lead - Queen Left

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias  @jiilys  MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU. 

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE 

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N  G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”  

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE 

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH. 

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die  we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM  LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but. 

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT 

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME 

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE 

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON  BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME 

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED* 

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*

(((Smol, smol sad rant)))

I'm wayyyy too conflicted now. The person I've been mulling about for the past few days turns out to: 1) Be in love with another girl which ironically he understands that he has no chance with because of social disparity. 2) actually took me out on a date night. 3) be oblivious to the fact that I'm not that immune to guys (or people who care in general). Starting from the beginning, though. He asked me if I was free the day prior to the actual date night. Said yes. He replied with "want to hang out?" And ice cream promises and such and he knows I'm weak towards free food, so yeah, I was sold. We planned where to go and what to mostly do and stuff, and he thanked me because he's got problems he'd been wanting to share with me. Because, well, he knows what I've been through - sorta. So far he's the only one who knows about my troubles and moodswings and depression - even deeper than I'd like an ordinary friend to know about. And that makes me a VERY understanding person, no matter how much I suck at consoling others. The next day, the date sailed smoothly - st first. We met up after God knows how long, complimented, jabbed each other, horsed around. Then we went to an ice cream shop and he paid for both of us. It felt good to be connected again. Then he smiled. The kind of smile you just know would have to come from a simple message from a crush, from a single attention given by a loved one. And he smiled - dun dun dunn! - when he picked up his phone. Did my heart break? No, probably. A broken heart cannot be broken again, darling. And I had sort of contained my baseless hopes because hoping was just too much problem, too big of a stress factor in the end. I teased him. Rooted for him. Mad at myself. Then I jokingly wailed because I'd finished my ice cream too fast, and he patted my head, got up, and bought another for me. Which is. Just. Heart wrenching. I sorta stopped thinking, really - the stress was getting on me and the shock impacted my mind. I spent the rest of our date staring at the evening sky, wondering if it'd rain, spooning my second helping bit by bit. Then we went to have some sushi, and he asked if I'd rather rest in the car. I agreed. Mindlessly. I couldn't decide if I had the courage to actually sit in the front seat, so I opted to climb into the backseat. He noticed, and he climbed over from the driver's seat and sat next to me. We stared quietly at the dim lighting of the parking area until he broke it, dragging the questions I'd promised him the answers to. "So," "So." "Tell me about your problems, and I promise to tell you about this girl." But I don't want to know her name. I don't want to hear the story of how you met each other, of how you got close, of how close YOU are. I don't want to know about all the things and sacrifices and money you've saved up to buy her a special gift. I don't want to see you hurt because you think you understand that no matter how hard you try, you can't make her happy enough because she's a princess and you're a fucking pauper. I don't want to. But I stood as a good friend. I knew that my problems were too heavy to impose on him. In his mental state, telling my sad stories would just worsen him, probably hurt him - I didn't (and still don't) need that. Yes, I'm tired of fighting alone. Yes, there are times when I suddenly feel that nothing I do to fight my monsters is enough and I feel blank and empty and I want nothing but to rest and forget about everything. Yes, there are times when I feel like there's another voice inside begging me to seek someone who'd genuinely care - but it's so, so hard to do, and I'd just give up and go back to staring at the rooftop of my bedroom in darkness. And I couldn't do it, couldn't tell him a single word to show how I feel - all because I was afraid and I knew that. So I told him a story about this one guy in school who isn't so subtly hitting on me in a shy way. A story which I'd be able to tell anyone without feeling guilty. Because it's actually pretty funny and sad, like a classic comedy written back in the 20s. And he laughed. Bless. Then as he promised, he told me the girl's name, and her picture, and his sorrows, and he leaned his head on my shoulder before temporarily resting it on my lap. I'm - as I said - conflicted. Also mad, upset, distraught - a thousand more emotions swirling in a torrent inside my chest - mostly towards myself. And somehow we got out of the awkward position, and he asked me to sit in front before climbing back to the driver's seat. I silently followed, sighing when I was outside the car, outside his hearing range. Tired. He drove us out, back to my housing area. And in the dark none of us really talked to each other except for quoting lines from cheesy romance novels and feeling miserable because of different reasons. We entered the complex, and he asked for the directions to my house, in which I completely missed my own street and we ended up riding around under the night sky. "What's beyond that road?" "Well, another road which connects this road and every other branches until it reaches the end of my street." "What?" "It's peaceful. And quiet. And really silent there because let's face it, no one wants to live alone in that empty space." He drove along the said road and parked before a flickering lamp light. The night breeze was getting stronger and we rolled down our windows, turned off the engine, and sat like two ragdolls. He made the first move - went to sit down in the backseat and leaned his head against mine, which peeked out from the front seat. He was tired - he was hurt - and I couldn't leave him. I'd never realized how we fit each other if our roles were reversed. I was the guy, and he was the girl - I provided comfort and he buried his head into the nooks of my neck. His hair was bouncy and sharp and poked aginst my earlobes; and I twisted slightly to adjust my position, hairs bristling against each other. It was really, really quiet. And it was the first time another human being has ever got that close to me - skin contact and all. I could hear his breath, he could feel my pulse - my whole body was warm with both this tingle of contained joy and uncontained sadness. Because he's not mine. And I was there, my first time letting a person touching my neck and my shoulder, as a friend he could rely on. He started out slow, telling short stories and expressed his feelings until he couldn't do nothing but croaking out words like how tired he was and how fucked up he felt. I patted his head, held his hand - I had no other things to say, because to be honest? I have no positive thing to say. I might look like a jokester with a collection of prized sexual innuendos but when it comes to actual positivity, I have nothing. Several times he would snuggle, trying to hide his ragged breathing and slunk one arm against my chest, holding me tight like I was an anchor. But I wasn't the anchor he wanted nor needed - because I'm just the old messed up me. I'd rub his back and told him "you've done enough" or "you're strong" or "it's okay, just let it all out"; in short, things I've been wanting to hear from another person, things I've been wanting to be comforted with - but never get. It almost felt like I was saying those out loud to comfort me. As the time went by, he calmed down, and I hugged him - I don't know if I was saying enought to myself or if I was taking advantages - and he offered to drive me back home even though it's not so far from where we were. But I agreed. And agreed. And agreed. And so on. And I don't know anymore. It was bizarre and it felt like a faraway dream. And I don't understand anymore. Nothing at all.

Posessed - Dean Winchester

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Note: This imagine is from my wattpad account, -stiilinski, i have written a few imagines in there as well.

Beads of sweat forms on her forehead, her eyes wide while her plump lips turned into a frown. Her black heels were pressed on Dean’s chest, who was laying on his back at the dark alley. Both of their chests were heaving, exhaustion making its appearance but the adrenaline hadn’t left their systems yet and refuse to let them feel something such as tiredness.

Dean lay on the ground still, wounded, eyes closed and his hands were limply on his side. He was quite, not doing anything nor making an attempt to get away from the potential danger above him. He just lay there, dried blood on his body, anticipating ‘bout what was about to happen to him as the time pass by.

“Why aren’t you doing anything, Winchester?”

His eyes snap open as her voice reached his ears, the sound that was once smooth and welcoming turned into this husky and sinister one. There she was, frowning as she tilted her head to the side in confusion as to why he was still laying there, defenseless, and not trying to kill her, as she heard he said earlier before the said physical fight.

“Why aren’t you trying to protect yourself?”

His eyes scanned her face, trying to decipher what she was thinking at the moment. Her face was stoned cold, no trace of the girl she once knew and love – not that she knew it. The face that was once pure of happiness and kindness turned dark and full of hate. Dean frantically search her face, hoping to see anything – anything – that will set him at ease, that there is still hope that the Y/N he knew was never gone, that she was still there, with him.

“What’s the point?”

Y/N furrow her eyebrows in confusion and slight suprised, Dean’s small and weak voice echoing on her mind. She doesn’t get it. Possessed or not, the Dean Winchester she knew doesn’t give up. Even thought he was so close to death, he still doesn’t, he will find a way to fight, to survive. But this is different, this Dean is different. From the moment she corner him on the alley, she knew. She knew that the eldest Winchester wouldn’t hurt her, she can tell by the twinkle on his eyes and the sigh that leave his mouth when he saw her.

He loves her.

He loves her.

Unfortunately, she didn’t know. And that was the main reason why certain demons has taken an interest at her, because she holds the heart of the Dean Winchester.  One of the Winchesters that slays different kinds of creatures for the safety of the innocents. One of the Winchesters that the Demons and other creatures wishes to die and suffer for their bloody actions. One of the Winchesters that still stands and ready to fight the evilness on this world.

She didn’t know.

And that makes her vulnerable.

“What?”

“You heard me, what’s the point of living when one of the people I cared the most is possessed by a demon because of me?”

The Demon within her smirked, seeing his weak and vulnerable side that he only show when he was around her. The Demon pressed her heels on his chest, harder, causing him to wince as his breathing becomes harder.

“You should see yourself, Dean. Ready to die, seeing as your brother was unconcious somewhere away from here and infront of you, the love of your life, possessed by a demon that was using her face to get close to you and end you. I didn’t know Dean Winchester ever gives up,” she paused as she brought the dagger from short’s pocket to the top of his chest, “Any last words, Dean-O?”

“I love you.” he whisper.

Her eyes widen, not noticeable to him but she felt it herself. Breath stuck on her throat as her hand – that was still gripping the dagger  to his chest – froze in its position. It wasn’t the Demon’s reaction, it was her’s. Dean’s confession was enought to bring her back for the short amount of time, to put a light on the road that she was walking on at the moment. Before the Demon control her next action, she managed to whisper a barely audible ‘what’ to him.

“I always love you, since the beginning. From the day that I met you, I knew that I will love you ‘till the day I die. And I was right, because here I am, dying before you and completely inlove with you. I know falling for you was inevitable, because of you smile, personality and the other things that we have in common. You’re always be by my side, when I’m down or drunk, you’re still there and I can’t thank you enough for that.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry when I tried to get over you, to find someone fill the void in my heart that only you can cure. I’m sorry when I yelled at you when you tried to leave with random guys when we’re at a bar, sorry for calling you names that made you snap and slap me – that I totally deserved, by the way. I’m sorry for giving you a cold shoulder when I thought you were the one who ate my pie, who turns out to be Sammy.

“I will never forget you, ever. Even when I become a ghost or something, I won’t. Because I will never forget someone like you, Y/N. I will never forget someone who puts up with my rude attitude and sarcastic remarks and still at my side through the years. I will never forget someone who doesn’t give up on me when I was a demon. I will never forget someone who I love more than life itself. I will never forget the person that I cared about who was put in danger because of me. I will never forget that I put you between life and death. I will never forget that I didn’t protect the one I love from my nightmares.

“I will never forget the only person I see myself marrying, I will never. Picturing myself having an apple pie life with you Y/N makes me alive and keeps me going. Having kids and grandkids with you is enough to make me happy for an eternity. The thought of growing old with you makes my heart race, because I’ve always wanted that, to have a life with you outside of a hunter’s life. I wanted a normal life with you.”

Tears streaming down on Y/N’s cheeks while she stare at Dean, who has the same tears on his face. The hand that hold the dagger was shaking, sobs coming out from her mouth as she try to gain control of her body, to fight the demon off. But she knew it was pointless, the Demon was more stronger than her and with Dean’s words, she tried.

He notice her trying, trying to win the battle for her body, for control. He saw her, fighting hard, suffering, not knowing if she will win it or not and Dean embraced it with opened arms. He accepts it, if she loses.

He’ll die.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. If you can’t, you don’t have to. You don’t have to fight for me, if you can’t, let go. Don’t make yourself suffer more. It’s okay, I love you, it’s okay.”

Suddenly, a scream ripped into the thin, cold air of the night.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Dean?”

“Sweetheart?”

“I love you too.”

WOO SURVEY!

woo survey!

This could be fun (or extremely depressing) 1: Name: Mike 2: Age: 32 3: 3 Fears: hights, trump supporters and deep water 4: 3 things I love: cheeseburgers, animals, and urban exploring 5: 4 turns on: having my nipples played with, skin on skin contact. fog, and when someones natural smell is nice. 6: 4 turns off: people who dont like to read, creationists, overconfidence, and the smell of axe body spray 7: My best friend: jake and dan 8: Sexual orientation, pansexual 9: My best first date, sushi express with my 3rd dom 10: Howtall am I: 5′0 11: What do I miss: lots of things 12: What time were I born: i dont know 13: Favourite color: black or dark blue 14: Do I have a crush: eh i guess 15: Favourite quote: “if you are troubled and you cant fix it, do not worry, cause you WILL fix it. and if it cannot be fixed, still do not worry cause it will only make it worse.: 16: Favourite place: the woods or somewhere abandoned 17: Favourite food: cheeseburgers 18: Do I use sarcasm: nooooooooo 19: What am I listening to right now: 50′s music 20: First thing I notice in new person: height lol 21: Shoe size: 10 22: Eye color: brown 23: Hair color:dark brown? 24: Favourite style of clothing: black and comfortable 25: Ever done a prank call?: years ago 27: Meaning behind my URL: huh? 28: Favourite movie:return of the living dead 29: Favourite song: hushabye by the mystics 30: Favourite band: the misfits 31: How I feel right now: bored, and tired 32: Someone I love: a few of people 33: My current relationship status….taken and looking? idk lol 34: My relationship with my parents: good 35: Favourite holiday: halloween 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: a few 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: more 38: The reason I joined Tumblr: people 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: no 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: yus  41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? yes 42: When did I last hold hands?: a few weeks ago 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: not too long 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? nope 45: Where am I right now? in my room 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? lol idk 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? reasonable 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? nope 49: Am I excited for anything? purgatory pride 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? nope 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? eh depends 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? a few hours ago 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? the last person i kissed? i would be fine cause i prolly would have just kissed the person they are kissing lol 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? nope 55: What is something I disliked about today? the wetness 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? the dalai lama 57: What do I think about most? alot of things 58: What’s my strangest talent? i have a natural electrical resistance 59: Do I have any strange phobias? nope 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? both 61: What was the last lie I told? i know what i’m doing lol 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? phone or online its whatever 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? ghosts eh.. aliens prolly do exhist but havent come to earth 64: Do I believe in magic? eh 65: Do I believe in luck? meh 66: What’s the weather like right now? cloudy 67: What was the last book I’ve read? the merro treee *currently reading american gods 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? eh 69: Do I have any nicknames? misfit mike 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? giant cut on my chest 71: Do I spend money or save it? both lol 72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?no 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?lol yes 74: Favourite animal? rat 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? sleeping 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? whatever god’s is 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? sleepwalk 78: How can you win my heart? cut it out in put it in a claw machine 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? he totally knew a ton of people 80: What is my favorite word? doof 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? weiner 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? i dont know 84: the super-power of my choice! What is that power? invisibility at will 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? 86: What is my current desktop picture? the sky 87: Had sex?yes 88: Bought condoms? yup 89: Gotten pregnant? not that i know of 90: Failed a class? yup 91: Kissed a boy? yup 92: Kissed a girl? yes 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? yes 94: Had job? yeah 95: Left the house without my wallet? yup 96: Bullied someone on the internet? nope 97: Had sex in public? semi public 98: Played on a sports team? nope 99: Smoked weed? yes 100: Did drugs?eh 101: Smoked cigarettes? yes 102: Drank alcohol? oh yeah 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? nope 104: Been overweight? nope 105: Been underweight? probably 106: Been to a wedding? yes 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? lol yeah 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? probably 109: Been outside my home country? nope 110: Gotten my heart broken? yes 111: Been to a professional sports game? yes 112: Broken a bone? my nose 113: Cut myself? yes 114: Been to prom? yup 115: Been in airplane? no 116: Fly by helicopter?no 117: What concerts have I been to? alot 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? yes 119: Learned another language? not really 120: Wore make up? yeah 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? nope 122: Had oral sex? yes 123: Dyed my hair? yup 124: Voted in a presidential election? yup 125: Rode in an ambulance? yes 126: Had a surgery? yes 127: Met someone famous? yes 128: Stalked someone on a social network? no 129: Peed outside? lol yeah 130: Been fishing? sorry thought that said something else at first… but yes to both 131: Helped with charity? yup 132: Been rejected by a crush? yup 133: Broken a mirror? yeah 134: What do I want for birthday? i dont know… money 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? i have one and thats enought, hunter 136: Was I named after anyone? my dad 137: Do I like my handwriting? eh its ok 138: What was my favourite toy as a child? x-men action figures 139: Favourite Tv Show? rick and morty 140: Where do I want to live when older? ri is fine 141: Play any musical instrument? keyboard harmonica and the accordion 142: One of my scars, how did I get it? boredome 143: Favourite pizza toping? mushrooms 144: Am I afraid of the dark? no 145: Am I afraid of heights? yes 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? lol yeah 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? yup 148: What I’m really bad? at sitting still lol 149: What my greatest achievments are?idk 150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me? i was once told by an angry old gay man that i was a short ugly fucker 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery? buy a house 152: What do I like about myself? that i know its a choice to be an asshole or not 153: My closest Tumblr friend: prolly kit or jack 154: Something I fantasise about: ask in a pm 155: Any question you’d like? nope