#i have remembered how fucking fun he is to draw
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I give only the most important updates to the Tumblr girlies: Scottie is no longer bald <3
#moon art#moon ocs#scottie dailon#Concrete Garden#i have remembered how fucking fun he is to draw#hes so expressiveeeeee#hopefully i can give a full reference of the man soon cuz theres some shit i wanna put more detail on#especially cuz one of you was asking about what happened to pur boy and heehehehhe of course i gotta provide
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"Wait is that lore?" moments in Antoine's return stream
These ones are likely jokes, but (you can use it in your headcanons):
With Tubbo, explaining his absence by saying "I was dead, I think, but not anymore, I was tired of being dead"
"I couldn't explain to you, it's out of my understanding how I'm dressed. The human mind cannot comprehend how I'm dressed and so the human brain shows it that way, but it isn't exactly like that. It's not powerful, it's just weird"
"You know me well!" "Heh, I know you as if I made you!" *silence* (closest to maybe serious)
These ones are more serious:
He isn't romantically interested by Cucurucho, he just likes his ass (that totally a human is aro that's what I mean)
He really missed Pomme, he stopped coming because without her it wasn't interesting anymore (this one is just cute)
Very invested in knowing what happened to the eggs while they were away
Accidentally gave Pomme one of the books Ourson (I think it's this one?) gave him, immediately panicking when he realized. When Pomme asks what it was, he first tries to pretend not to understand, and is pretty serious when he tells her that it's nothing; he'll tell her about it one day, and it's his little secret garden, everyone should be allowed to have secrets, don't she think? she isn't against secrets, right?
Certain that the eggs went to some kind of other dimensions/got doubles?? I mean there was a theory inspired by Stranger Things but despite what Pomme is saying he's not letting go of the idea
After asking Pomme if she met dark Cucurucho and she talks about the Watcher: "Je crois pas qu'on parle de la même chose. Là tu me parles de l'oeil, et moi je pense que je te parle de quelque chose d'autre. Je pense que tu me parles du Watcher... là où moi je te parle d'autre chose." ("I think we're not talking about the same thing. Here you're talking about the eye, and me I think I'm talking about something else. I think you're talking about the Watcher... when me I talk about something else" again how does he know the name "Watcher".)
Knows that Maximus is dead, when all the other players seem to have decided to play the "don't know if he's alive or dead" card (bonus: Antoine and Pomme talking about telling Aypierre, and Pomme thinking she won't be able to find the right words "I don't think there are right words..." ok im sad now thanks). Since we're at it, when reading Pomme diary where she worries about Baghera and Antoine being dead, saying they can't be dead, he doesn't share that worry in the slightest, as if he knows Baghera's not dead (this one's dubious and I am very willing to put it as cc!Antoine not thinking rp)
He and Pomme are talking about what she remembers of the Watcher and honestly the whole conversation deserves to be clipped and transcribed. To go with him name dropping the Watcher, he is now only calling it the creature with one eye because that's how Pomme calls it
Pomme explains that the Watcher was observing her and Richas and there was a threatening aura to it, so they immediately fled. Antoine in a very serious voice "You were right to, you were right to, you were right to. Because I think it's this person who was at the origin of your disappearance."
#theres not really lore in his talk with Sunny but they're fun together#completely missed the whole 'you wanna be a star? you're gonna lose your privacy if you do that are you sure?' convo#also the way he's just 'btw have you met my CHILD Pomme? Yeah she's great' you fucking dad#i think antoine will be a sunny defender#him reuniting with Pomme <3#also its fun to rewatch. he's pressing buttons on a snowman decoration. i remember how he loved press the button.#it was foreshadowing.#pomme saying it took her one hour to draw something for Dapper and Antoine jumping to her defense#by saying Leonard de Vinci could take days to make something#qsmp#qsmp antoine#pomme admin must have been so happy for Antoine to be here her lore with her memory loss and what happened to the egg is finally played with#anyway with how antoine was also insistent to learn more about the watcher by questioning pomme#I am betting even more on Antoine knowing things about the Watcher
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denki!kuroba has plagued my mind for the past 24 hours so it's time to drop their design & lore. ( bonus + more lore under the cut! )
( ya'll knew i had to find a way to shoehorn kurokara into this au SOMEHOW. )
while they don't meet during the events of six idol statues of taboo, kuroha does eventually get to meet chorosuke's recently reunited brothers afterwards. strangely enough, it seems that karatsugu knows who they are.
kuroha's life before the accident was much like the one kuroba lives ; having attended college for horticulture and working at their grandfather's floral shop. karatsugu and kuroha had known each other for a long time, having become friends in high school and staying quite close into adulthood. because of this, he was absolutely devastated when they suddenly disappeared a year and a half ago while on the way to visit family in yokohama. there were no reports of any crashes or deaths, no missing people found, nothing. it was as if they were spirited away, never to be heard of again.
upon learning this, kuroha is rather distraught. even though his face is so familiar to them, the past he recounts to them refuses to come back to them. something they had been keeping a secret from the others at the midorito estate was that they had begun to recollect some things, but what they remembered seemed more like strange dreams than any memories they should have. memories of traveling with mononoke, fighting in gang wars, fending off youkai, a life much like what karatsugu described but not exactly the same... and in all of those memories, the six same faces, so eerily similar yet unsettling different. the most prominent of them all being the faces just like karatsugu's.
they aren't sure why these strange memories are all they can recall, perhaps they're finally losing it, but with the brothers' help, kuroha might be able to figure out the true meaning behind them and even remember their life in this universe along the way.
ALSO, a quick explanation of denki!kuroba's name!
( fair warning : my understanding of japanese is very rudimentary so i may have made some mistakes in my translation or how names are written. please let me know if that's the case and i'll correct anything i've gotten wrong! )
kuroba / クロバ -> kuroha / 黒葉 ( くろは )
kuroba's name is written in katakana while kuroha's is written in kanji ( with furigana written in hiragana. )
kuroba's first name comes from クローバー ( kurōbā ) meaning clover. when the dakuten from バ ( ba ) is removed, it becomes ハ ( ha. ) the equivalent of ハ in hiragana is は, which is used in the furigana for kuroha's name. the kanji used for kuroha is 黒 ( kuro ) meaning black and 葉 ( ha ) meaning leaf.
yotsubana / 四つ花 ( ヨツバナ ) -> shinigusa / 死に草 ( しにグサ )
yotsubana comes from 四つ葉 ( yotsuba ) meaning four-leaved, notably used in the japanese for four-leaved clover / 四つ葉のクローバー ( yotsuba no kurōbā. ) the kanji for ba in youtsuba is swapped for 花 ( hana, ) which can be read has bana like in the surname tachibana. as a result, their surname can be read as " four flowers. "
the 四 ( yo ) from yotsubana, which can also be read as shi, becomes 死 ( shi, ) meaning death. the adverbializer に ( ni ) replaces つ ( tsu. ) the kanji for hana is replaced with 花 ( kusa, ) which is lifted from a synonym for clover, 詰草 ( tsumekusa. ) kusa becomes gusa as an instance of rendaku. their surname can be roughly read as " dead(ly) grass. "
#I FINALLY FINISHED THIS YAY!!!#again sorry that the japanese is very rough and if anything is incorrect!!#i may have gone a little overboard with the.... everything but whatever#this is a fun au to think about oh my god#it's also not the only drama-filled kuroba au fair warning#kara really can't catch a break when it comes to his relationship w/ kuro in most of them#getting dumped bc he went to jail... forced into an arranged marriage bc he has the hots for the royal gardener...#and now he's the one who got to deal with the turmoil of not being remembered. oh how the the turntables#i really should share more content of them in the default universe.... but also aus are too fun not to think about#since denki mystery has connections to other hesokuri aus i thought it'd be interesting to incorporate that into what kuro's got going on#one last thing : kara's hair in this au is hard as fuck to draw#i like how he looks with slicked back hair tho it looks good on him#osomatsu-san#osmt#osomatsu-san oc#osomatsu oc#denki mystery#karamatsu#mj ocs#oc : kuroba#ship : kurokara#au : denki mystery#mj draws#scheduling this bc once again it's ass o' clock when i'm writing this
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Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..
#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART#I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal#like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends#who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO#and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom#how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house#so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is#by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone#so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis#already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS#it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of#using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht#ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible#theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other#i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close#but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru#i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like#who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in#but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to#put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i#theyre all so. NNGGHHHH#ouran#ohshc#yapping
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headcanons i have about Craig the scientist :)
as are most of the characters i have headcanons for, Craig is on the autism spectrum. he has a flat effect to his voice and facial expressions, doesn't really get most social cues, doesn't know how to react to others in pain the "right" way, misunderstands metaphors and speaks in quite a direct manner because it makes the most sense to his brain. he's quite a literal thinker. he also tends to hyperfixate so hard on a task that he forgets his basic needs and hygene, and thus has quite an unkempt look underneath that hazmat suit of his (which i will get into later!). Barry often ends up needing to get Craig something to eat because of how long he hyperfixates on something.
Craig sometimes doesn't exactly pay attention to his tone of voice, so sometimes he can say something that, to him, sounds completely normal, but because of his tone, can end up sounding really ominous to other people by accident ("We know who you are, Barry.")
Craig has traumatic cataract in his left eye (or wherever the fuck craig's visor crack is supposed to be in canon lol) from the explosion in 'Level 2' and is half blind in that eye. his eye has a very clouded look as a result of the injury. he's also got a huge scar there too that required some pretty gnarly stitches later, and his skin is almost completely numb around that area.
Craig also never really had the best eyesight before the injury, so he's always wearing these big ol' nerdy glasses underneath his helmet. and yes, they are tacked together with a band-aid lol
Craig is one of the few scientists who is not a clone of Peter Simpkins, the late friend of both Professor Brains and (in my headcanon'd canon) Craig. i like to think that Craig and Simpkins knew each other when they were first recruited by Legitimate Research and was pretty close to both him and Brains, and since Simpkins died, Brains has kind of taken more of a liking towards Craig (mostly out of loneliness and needing someone to help around at the lab, but he has a genuine fondness for him under his demanding and angry exterior).
There's a bit of a fan theory that Craig is the same guy as the scientist in the 'Robot Bird' rock opera, which i like to believe is the case. i mean, he's got the same monotone voice as Craig, it's gotta be him. i hope this does end up becoming canon because i think it'd make for an interesting conflict between Barry and Craig!!
Craig may or may not be related to Lab Lady.
Craig's counterpart in the mirror universe is named Kayla.
Craig is demiromantic and is questioning his sexuality (he thinks he might be bi or pan), though he definitely knows he loves Barry <3
Craig has an unhealthy habit of wiping his embarrassing memories, like, a lot. he wipes memories of awkward accidents in the lab, particularly painful failures, and most importantly, the memories of losing literally all his stuff and his career to Barry, which is why he doesn't immediately recognise him in the shorts. Craig has a lot of trouble recounting stories from the past because of this memory-wiping and felt a sense of emptiness, which getting hit in the head certainly didn't help with, so he tried inventing that apple in the Multiverse Madness event to get some of them back. it was pure dumb luck that Barry didn't end up witnessing what happened to Craig in the 'Robot Bird' opera and both are completely unaware of the disastrous can of worms that could have opened. bro's gonna end up like wallflower blush if he doesn't keep that memory erasing under control
and finally...
under his helmet, Craig has messy dirty-blonde hair, a rounded face that has a few stray facial hairs he forgot to shave, a long scar down the left side of his face, hazel coloured eyes and pale skin. this design is inspired by the designs made by @dexterno-artz and @schnabel53 respectively :D
this is a sketch of my finalised(ish) craig design!!! i've shown earlier versions of this guy in a couple of older posts but i haven't really revised his design much until now. i kinda had the idea of him looking like a stereotypical nerd and then made him messier. i might tone the amount of hair he has down a tiny bit but also i really like the nerdy bird's nest thing he has goin on :) i like to think he literally hasn't brushed his hair in several weeks and it's just become a bird's nest from nights of staying up doing science stuff
how i feel about barry tbh. he's literally so dumb i love him
(also apologies for the photos being kinda blurry and me forgetting to turn off the filter. again. in my defence it looks really nice and orange on my phone)
sometimes i like drawing him saying stuff from the shorts to get a feel of how he'd look when talking and make sure he looks juuuust nerdy enough for me to go "yep that's craig". also his big,g, handns,s,
drew this as a quick side profile sketch to get a general idea of how i want to draw him from this angle. he's talking to barry offscreen and falling in love with him <3
stupid little comic with a stupid little interaction that would definitely happen between these stupid little guys <3 barry being a little asshole every now and then is very entertaining to me. i need to see him antagonising craig and starting an old couple bickering argument with craig, that would heal me i think
i think i'll post more of this design in the future, i really quite like it a lot :)
#jetpack joyride#craig jetpack joyride 2#jetpack joyride 2#headcanon design#yeag sorry the photos are so fucked looking#my room does not have good lighting.... like..... at all#my sketchbook is also literally falling to pieces lmao#i'm gonna get a new one soon but damn. my poor sketchbook#i didnt even do anything to it....... why must it fall apart and die on me..........#anyway YEAH craig design!!!!#i quite like this design a lot#i feel like there's something that could be added to it but i don't wanna make his design more complicated than it already is#that first drawing of him kinda looks like his eye is bleeding lol#it's just a really big scar dw#craig having traumatic cataract was inspired by my dog getting traumatic glaucoma in his eye#also i think craig would go hard as like. a character who's similar to wallflower blush#except instead of everyone forgetting her but her remembering them#it's craig forgetting everything that happened to him and then finding a way to restore the memories and then he gets SO PISSED at barry#they'll sure need a lot of couple's counselling after that blunder#i kinda wanna make designs for steve and toni#especially steve!!!#how do you think they'd identify steve from the other scientists. would barry just stick a big piece of paper with an S on it to his face#answering my own question: yes he would absolutely do that#steve is the one i feel like both barry and craig tease the most#i find steve literally being so nervous about being perceived that he runs away and damages property to be extremely relatable#also fun fact: craig's hair and eye colours are kinda based off the colour i see the word craig in???#ok this is gonna be tricky to explain but i think i might have grapheme colour synesthesia#it's basically a condition where you can see or VERY heavily associate colours to a specific number or letter#and for some reason my brain has christened 'craig' as being a very specific sort of yellowy green! it's what i see in my head when i think#-of the word 'craig' so i decided to make him kinda blonde and have hazel eyes (which is basically a mix of green and yellow)!! neato!!
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Love people using the live action atla as an excuse to draw White Katara and Sokka
I mean, obviously its totally fine, because after all, thats what the actors look like!
That means theres nothing at all wrong with this now :)
And like, Katara's actor is paler than OG Katara, so its alright to make her skin just white, as well as take away all indigenous features, and give her a stereotypical White Girl Face
No problems at all, thats all totally cool!!
#Having a grand time gang its so much fun#if your gonna whitewash her at least have to guts to commit to it#''its the actor'' yeah the fucking 2010 live action actress maybe#i have eyes i can look up the actress for Katara and see she is clearly Not White#dont fucking make uo some bullshit about her being Pale she's not White People pale and even if she was#She still has indigenous features#How are you drawing the Asian Characters looking Asian#but Katara is interchangeable with pretty much every Brown haired blue eyed white actress from the last 20 years#You should not be drawing her like the Percy Jackson Movie Annabeth#You may notice ive said nothing about Sokka well thats cause his actors already doing the lying for everyone else#Like hello??#surely im not the only one who remembers him lying about being indigenous a d Netflix saying they were gonna recast him#only to turn around and low and behold he's still there like that never happened#anyway#we're filled with Hate and Rage tonight lads👍 its fine everythings normal
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I finally saw stranger on the third floor(kinda, the version I watched was of a very poor quality)
The movie as a whole was ok, but wow! I love the stranger. Also Joe Briggs
#stranger on the third floor#the stranger#joe briggs#i actually couldnt have watched it at a better time#ive been toying with the idea of a series of drawings of fusions between peter lorre characters and characters from silent films#and for some reason the idea of fusing the stranger and cesare from TCODC really jumps out to me#also im so sad there wasnt more of poor joe#obviously as a big peter lorre fan i feel like he was underutilised for how talented he was#but compared to some other very talented actors who were really fucked over by the industry i feel like peter was pretty lucky#at least hes remembered today and even with the respect he deserved by some people#at least peter was always credited and billed somewhere on promotional stuff for his films#even if his name wasnt always as high up or prominently featured as it should be#compared to some other pretty talented people Peter did wrll for himself#Idk i really like Elisha cook jr and I think he deserves to have the parts he played remembered more#like even though the 41 maltese falcon film is the most popular and its other actors are mostly synonymous with the roles they played#I feel like when most people think of wilmer they think of dwight frys portrayal#and im sure he did a great job with the character aswell#but it makes me kinda sad as someone who thinks ECJ does a great job with his scant screentime#but anyway joe was fun#and i hope both he and the stranger survived#and put all that nonsense behind them and became friends
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Just when I think I'm done with series, the little smiling devil ALWAYS returns and makes me obsess like it's 2017 again! Plus BADR was actually pretty good and surpassed my expectations and reminded me why I loved this series in the first place. <3
And yes, this comic was inspired by real life events when I first saw little Bendy in the trailer, and to me it's the most realistic reaction you SHOULD have upon seeing your favorite character come to life! So don't expect this to be the last time I'm drawing Bendy again either. :P
(I’ll translate the speech bubbles too since the scanner cut them off =_=‘)
Audrey: Wait! You’re the first friendly face I’ve seen! I promise I won’t hurt you... let’s be friends, ok?
Me, in the 3rd panel: oOOH MY SWEET HONEY BBQ-D JESUS! You’re REAL?! Here, as a real toon? In Joey Drew Studio? That murderous mad man did it... that crazy son of a gun! Look at your lil SUIT~ I waited for SO LONG and you’re perfect!
Bendy, while thrashing against my affection: PUT ME DOWN!
#ALSO play no attention to the attempt at a background in the last panel#I was going from memory what the ink city looked like even though I watched 1 playthrough#but that's ok we're here to have fun!!!#in the end I still greatly like how this came out!#I still don't think I can draw humans for crap though :(#but it was still some nice practice!#I also don't remember the last time I made a comic??#also sad thought but ink demon might get pretty emotional that I called him perfect#and the next time audrey sees ink demon you just see inky carrying me like that one gif of the guy kinda... swinging his ferret around?#he decided to keep me alive since I'm the only one who's never been afraid of ink demon#he's just a very traumatized child of neglect!!! >:'(#fuck you joey drew you deserved to get crushed like a bug#Self Insert#and just so ya'll know bendy is my SON no#no monsterfucking here it's not allowed!!!#Alice Angel however.......#*flustered emoji*#Audrey Drew#Bendy And The Dark Revival#Bendy The Dancing Demon#Lei's Art Thingies#Traditional Art
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im reminiscing on wtnv. thank you tumblr for reminding me.
#i have a lot of good memories about it depite when i listened to it being during one of the worst times in my life.#and how i shared a lot of it with someone i can no longer enjoy even thinking of#I went through this blog to find my old Erika design. There was art she did of our Erika designs.#it was bitter but nice to see#I still know episode 73 beat for beat because i listened to it so many times#i remember a lot of my favorite weather reports#drawings of huntokar haunted the blank spaces of my schoolwork which my teachers certainly hated#cause of the nudeness im sure. she was fun though#i remember listening to episode 100 while painting walls with my dad and giggling to myself because he didn't know#my homophobic dad never knew i was listening to two men getting married while he made me work and it was funny#also the times mom and dad made me go to church and instead of listening to the pastor i plugged in my phone to listen to wtnv#man i... remember that.#what a fucking rarity.#the red bird talks to escape
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I fell asleep and woke up from a bad jjk dream where kenjaku took over Gojo’s body- (after reading the new chapter…)
#I’ve thought about it for laughs before but um this is dire#I want a govival but not like this… the manga would literally never end omg#there’s no way they’d be able to defeat kengojo not without Sukuna level skills again and Sukuna is the villain like why would he be on#their side anyway#if he did fight Ken Gojo it would be solely because he’s strong and had a lot of fun the first time#and they’d been working together too so#rambling#I still wanna draw kengojo sorry#but I#don’t want it to be REAL lol#but I have to remember the rules of the culling game#there were two rules implemented stating that the game will only end once every player had been killed except for both getou and megumi#but megumi is nowhere in sight… since his body probably fused with Sukuna so he’d technically be counted as still being alive right… if his#ass does emerge from sukuna’s body um…. he’s gonna be so fucked up#Megumi’s mental state will be In shambles and I don’t want to see it#and like Kenjaku had been beheaded but we don’t necessarily know how he transfers bodies like is it a mental thing or physical one…#does he actually have to scoop the brains of the former person out of their own skulls and place his brain in or does he just use some kind#of jujutsu to bond his will to theirs and he then takes over just like that…?#do the stitches appear on their on once the takeover is complete if he doesn’t do his body transfer thing manually??? like what…
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i never realized Viktor was missing from Disenchanted Fashions before (or at least tumblr isnt showing him) and i am having so much fun with that bit of freedom towards his wardrobe jfc
#idk what style im drawing him in is technically called#mall goth?? cyber goth??? techwear goth????? it is a lot of belts plus a harness. bro loved Kingdom Hearts#i had several irl friends who were Alternative Gays before they realized they were eggs. something about the gender nonconformity#my favorite part of these aesthetics is the reuse and mending and so i am having fun giving Vik and Amri#patches and having them repurpose certain parts of their wardrobe again and again like Viktor As A Teen has#a belt chain with a star that later becomes a piece of horn jewlery. the pins on his beanie move to his backpack etc#bro always wears the same earrings#its my hc his parents didnt like the aesthetic (hence why his teen picture is so limited in its goth aspects) UNTIL they found#out about the anti-trend aspects and the mending and whatnot like. guarantee he will wear these jeans for 10 yrs and then when they#finally tear-- he's going to use them to help repair another pair of jeans from 10 yrs ago. parents (esp of four kids) LOVE that part#very likely none of this is canon buT FUCK IF IM NOT HAVING FUN#the only thing i know about Vik's canon wardrobe is that leaf shirt so ill add that in for his 30+ yr old picture#i just love the idea of Vik The Goth so much let him be OBNOXIOISLY alternative cmon look at the company he keeps#someone feel free to send me ideas for Luci too bc i have a hc that their wardrobe is based almost entirely off of how their mom would#dress then as part of their parents exercising control over Luci and ''protecting the family name'' so like#i think since Luci is so new to having more freedom from their parents rn that Luci hasnt changed styles and the idea is probably#anxiety-inducing even bc of habitual fear of parental backlash. but like. also i want 30s!Luci to be living their best life#(EDIT: OMG I FORGOT I MADE GIGI'S BIO-MOM A MORTICIA ADAMS STYLE GOTH. OMG THAT MAKES HER BFF BEING#GOTH SO MUCH SWEETER WTF??? AND HER MOM WAS 1/3 DRACA TOO. GIGI DOESNT EVEN REMEMBER HER MOM. OMGGG I DIDNT REALIZE#I DID THAT... THEIR TWO GOTH STYLES ARE SO FUCKING DIFFERENT BUT AHH GISELLE'S MOM WAS A GOTH 1/3 DRACA AND HER BFF/MAYBE BF IS A GOTH 1/2#DRACA WTFFFFF MY BRAIN YALL MY FUCKING BRAIN AND THESE CONNECTIONS AHHH)
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I have. SO MANY THOUGHTS about toxic codependent sibling relationships and the parallels between Haya & Ghazan and Suiren & Midori, and I really want to write a meta analysis digging deep into the depths of it all but it’s half past 4 a.m and my brain barely functions, so for now here have a Haya-related meme I made:
#no you don’t understand I’m actually starting to feel for and sympathise with Haya what the fuck have I done#no a shitty childhood doesn’t excuse her actions but still. I can’t stop thinking about angsty gutpunchy concepts about her#but she’s on the receiving end instead of the other way round#it’s like that asoue quote#‘you must understand. he had a bad childhood’#‘I do understand. I’m having a bad childhood right now’#just… the development journey I took with Haya was so completely unexpected#originally she just existed as a fill in for the Ghazan’s older sister role that’s 66% canon#barely characterised. vague mentions of her being slightly apathetic but not bad#then I wrote the flashback in chapter 3 of sotrl which featured Suiren remembering how Haya taunted her about her parents’ imprisonment#not in detail or with any dialogue. just a statement that it happened#that’s when things took a turn for the worse#I don’t really remember when I decided Haya was downright abusive not only emotionally but physically too#I think I just realised that suiren wouldn’t be the way she is if her guardian was even halfway decent#and this Haya the way she is now was born#and I always knew that she had a less than ideal life starting since again. she raised ghazan so smth must have happened to their parents#but it was pretty vague up until recently when I decided I wanted to write or draw something from her POV#and everything took shape and I started coming up with more and more angsty ideas#and somehow ended up humanising her. making her more than just an abuser who hurts for the fun of it#she’s a deeply broken woman whose obsession with protecting her brother drove her to a lonely and bitter existence once her brother left her#who takes all those feelings of hurt and anger and betrayal out on the living proof of what said brother abandoned her for#she’s a prime example of what happens when one person doesn’t realise that their codependency became one sided#and when that same codependency is cut off with no prep or warning#in a way… she’s a haunting mirror to who Suiren might’ve become#and that just adds to the tragedy of it all#okay it is nearly 5 a.m now so o shall be going to bed lest I end up dead inside at my grandma’s tomorrow#i’ll expand on this later#byeeeeee good night))
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whats really unfortunate is im p sure my sister was the catalyst for why people in my town like to just gossip and make shit up about me without asking. like it started with her talking to my middle school bully about me behind my back, probably telling her all kinds of bullshit bc my sisters a compulsive liar, then that bully followed me to highschool for a brief moment before leaving, spreading all the bullshit that started at my old school to my new one before dipping. and then people started making shit up about me at highschool. i was so excited to finally get a fresh start in highschool only for that bitter cunt to come along and sour shit for no fucking reason bc idk she has a weird hate boner for me, who can say (maybe it was some bullshit my sister said 🙃 i wonder!). and since my high school was way bigger and she had a wider range of people, word just spread through the grapevine of whatever dumb shitppl were coming up with mixed with actual events that happened that painted me in an embarrassing light or whatever. and im like. kinda sure that the only reason my ex decided to turn on me so hard, shaming me in every capacity down to just who i am inherently was bc alllll of those stupid rumors came to them after we broke up. like. yall just wont let me escape this NOR EVEN GIVE ME THE FUCKING CHANCE TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT IN ANY CAPACITY. why in the FUCK are you SO FUCKING INVESTED IN TRYING TO FUCK UP MY LIFE?? WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING DAMAGE??? LEAVE ME THE FRESH FUCK ALONE!!! IF YOU’RE STILL TALKING ABOUT ME AFTER HIGHSCHOOL WITH PEOPLE WE WENT TO HIGHSCHOOL WITH YOU LITERALLY HAVENT MATURED FOR SHIT AND I FEEL BAD FOR YOU ABOUT THAT. LIKE HOLY FUCK. yall are dense self absorbed pieces of shits who think you’re so above whoever you decide to throw under the bus but you’re literally the same staple mediocre mean girl from every other fucking school anyone has ever fucking seen. if you’re not even going to give me a list of my sins. if none of you assholes are even going to approach me to ASK ME DIRECTLY IF WHAT SOMETHING SOMEONE SAID WAS TRUE. INSTEAD OF HANGING OUT WITH ME TO SECRETLY GET INFO AND HOPEFULLY GET INFO ABOUT THAT OUT OF ME. IF YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO WELCOME ME INTO THE GOSSIP CIRCLE SO I CAN TELL ALL OF YOU **AT THE VERY LEAST** MY PERSPECTIVE, OH, LETS FORGET BELIEVING VICTIMS WHEN IT COMES TO ME, REMEMBER, IM PROBABLY LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING MY FAMILY OR ANYONE WHOS ABUSED ME HAS EVER DONE RIGHT LOL 🤪 KILL YOURSELF. You literally dont deserve anything you could ever benefit from being my friend. i hope all of you selfish drama-vampires, who apparently cant survive without gossiping like its fucking air, rot
#anyways yall remind me of a catholic cult#anyways idc what happens to anyone in my old town either#yall basically exiled me so now i just kinda dont give a single fuck or shit what happens to any of you c: !#hows it feel bitch?#dont think imma do anything for any of yall if you ever need me to. dont think ill be there. lord knows none of you were.#lord knows none of you cared#what. whats your justification for treating me this way?#tell me in detail. exactly. why?#because i grew up rich? well so did my sister and brother and yall had no issues with them#because i was blonde or something? because i was confident? because i didnt know how to socialize in an Un Weird Way?#because i liked playing pretend? because i liked drawing? because i watched tv shows and liked making ocs and drawing tv show characters#fucking or whatever?#is this really my greatest sins?#bc like before highschool? yall dont really have shit to hang on for why you treated me the way you did. like AT ALL.#granted bc of ptsd i cant remember much of my childhood anyways but i knew i didnt hate anyone ever#otherwise why would i keep letting my middle school bully in to interact with me and hoping we could mend things and become friends?#only for her each time to lie and go make fun of me with other people in the class?#and when it came to highschool. the worst thing about me was that i thought it was ok for me to say slurs it 100% wasnt ok for me to say#bc i was under the impression that 'the world was peaceful now and these thingsd didnt have impact and ppl could start saying whatever and#it wouldnt hurt people anymore and the world is healing and its just a word now and my brothers friends seem ok when he does it so?'#yeah ik ik i was optimistic. maybe my middle school couldve done a better job at emphasizing that *those were still issues people faced#and that the world isnt healed and perfect and that it doesnt always get better' bc one of my teachers 100% directed me to the-#it gets better website#regardless. that along with group roasting sessions essentially with my brother and his friends where we made fun of the way we all looked#kinda made me think saying some things were okay that weren't. not an excuse but i wasnt a fucking bigot and ill die on that hill :)!#and sure i got into new age conspiracy theories but *i* didn#'t know it was anti semitici in nature. ive mentioned before that any websited i read never mentioned jewish people EVER#i just liked the idea of aliens being real as it was an idea i never let myself explore before. i was more into demons initially sdhdhgs.#aliens and the new version of spirituality which essentially promised me everything as long as i believe strong enough lol#regardless- im pretty sure other ppl at the time didnt know it was bad either. or if they did. then they should take issue with my ex nick
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࿐ ♡ ˚ . 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 — 𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒆 + 𝒅𝒓. 𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐. ˒ ⊹
cw fem reader / threesome / aventurine x f!reader x ratio / i wrote this directly into tumblr drafts; it is not proofread. proceed w caution EL O EL / usage of petnames (darling, sweetheart) / mentions of mindbreak / degradation and dirty talk / dacryphilia / light choking / teasing / oral (m!receiving) / spit-roast
love, oak! just a lil drabble. aven and veritas have me in a chokehold i fear.
i constantly think about how being in a relationship w both veritas ratio and aventurine would be...
i think, purposefully or not, things turn a little bit competitive with the two of them. who can take you out on the better date, who buys you the best gifts—and most importantly: who satisfies you the most.
and it’s not that they necessarily hate eachother so much they want to one-up the other (on the contrary; they like having you in common. being at your beck and call is what they live for, to your eternal surprise), they just find it fun. and it's the kind of fun they indulge in every night, making a symphony out of your sweet moans and pleasure-soaked whimpers.
this just happened to be one of those nights.
"look 't her. so depraved. our good girl, eh, ratio?"
"shut it, aventurine. i don't want to hear you talking when there's something much prettier to listen to right here."
seated on veritas's lap, he grasps your hips in his large hands as he guides you onto his thick length. a long moan falls from your lips as you feel the tip breach your dripping cunt, followed by a pleasant ache and stretch as he pulls your hips flush to his.
a warm breath ghosts the shell of your ear. aventurine crowds you from behind, the blazing heat of his chest pressing against your back. his hands ghost up your sides, leaving gooseflesh in their wake as they make their way up your body. he cups your tits, massaging the supple flesh and rolling your nipples, adding to the orchestra of stimulation the two men were making you feel.
"i suppose i can agree with you on that. she sounds just so delightful, doesn't she? makes me wanna break her—" a breathy whimper leaves you as aventurine licks up the skin of your neck, leaving a blazing trail of wetness as he kisses the shell of your ear. he continues in a soft whisper, "—yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"
ratio holds your hips tightly, denying you the pleasure of grinding down against him. his smile is serpentine as he looks up at you. "go on—answer him, darling. would you like us to fuck you until you can't even remember your own name?"
ratio's golden eyes narrow, watching your every move. the way you squeeze your eyes shut, bottom lip taken between your teeth as you stifle a sob. he can't help himself—his hips buck slightly, drawing another breathy moan from your throat.
"she just clenched so nicely around me. i think she would like that. what do you think, aventurine?" ratio's voice drips with sultry honey as he speaks. his hands cup the globes of your ass, slowly coaxing you to move along his length. the feeling of his cock dragging along your walls is maddening, and you pulse around him in response as he forces you back down. his tip hits that spongy little spot inside you, bringing tears to line your pretty eyes, making your mascara run as droplets drip down your face.
aventurine pauses mouthing along your neck to smile. there's nothing pleasant in that grin though—only the feral need to please you, to take you in the palm of his hand and mold you to his liking. right now, he'd like nothing more than for you to be his pretty little cockslut, taking him and ratio until they had nothing left to give you.
"i think so too," aventurine responds. his hand grabs your face, squishing your cheeks together as he forces you to meet his gaze. there's so much love and adoration for you in those beautiful cerulean and lavender eyes, mixed with a cruel hunger that glimmers as he leans in, tongue peeking out to lick away the salty tears that run down your cheeks. "god, sweetheart. you look so pretty like this. is ratio's cock satisfying enough for you? is he making you feel good?"
you nod fervently, mouth falling open in a moan as aventurine's hand snakes down to play with your clit while ratio works you up and down his cock. they work in perfect tandem; of course, they've done this a million times before. ratio and aventurine have perfected the art of pleasing you.
"use your words, darling. am i making you feel good?" ratio hisses between gritted teeth. he's obviously feeling good too, if the way his cock twitches inside you is any indication. aventurine lets your face go in favor of letting it drift down, holding your neck gently. a promise, you think. it sends a thrilling feeling down your spine, your nerves alight with electricity as you try to roll your hips down against ratio. the hand around your neck tightens a fraction, the hand on your clit pausing, drifting away and caressing the sensitive skin of your thighs as aventurine waits for your response.
"yes, yes!" you cry out, desperate for any sort of friction. your hips buck fruitlessly. "feels s'good, veri!"
you're rewarded with aventurine's fingers deftly working at your clit again as ratio bucks his hips, fucking up into you. his pace isn't fast, but he hits you so deeply it sends your entire being into a frenzy. you can feel your stomach tighten, a telltale sign of what's to come.
"atta girl. you're taking him like a champ, aren't ya? don't forget about me, though. you can take more, surely?" aventurine drawls.
aventurine nods to ratio and suddenly you're being manhandled, forced onto your knees. you can feel ratio behind you while aventurine greets your face with a sanguine smile. you bite down the whimper that fights to escape you at the lack of stimulation—you were so close. with the way aventurine's smile is slowly poisoned with a smug satisfaction, he knows it too.
"hi, sweetheart." aventurine says as he unbuckles his belt with a clink. he pushes the fabric of his pants and boxers down, his cock obscenely slapping against his abdomen as its freed. he's already leaking pre; despite his put-together demeanor, you know he's desperate for you. you smile at him as he languidly pumps his cock.
you watch as aventurine seems to have a silent conversation with ratio. it lasts only a heartbeat—he looks back down at you as he brings his tip to your lips. your tongue darts out, running along the head, down the length of him, drawing a pretty moan from aventurine that makes your stomach do flips. as your lips close around him, you feel ratio push into you again, a lewd squelch sounding as he sinks into you.
they work you in tandem, aventurine holding your face as he guides your mouth on his cock, ratio fucking into you from behind. you're already close again. you can feel it.
"she loves this," ratio notes, a hint of smugness in his voice. "she's absolutely drooling around me. feel good, darling?"
of course, you can't respond. aventurine fucks your mouth gently, his eyebrows furrowed as he groans. you can see every twitch of his abs, the roll of his muscles as he fights down the pleasure your lips bring him.
"oh yeah. she’s definitely enjoying herself. don’t tire yourself out too fast though, i can go all night." aventurine smirks.
it feels like ratio’s thrusts grow a bit more punishing. his large hands grip the fat of your ass tightly as he says, "worry about yourself. i lasted longer than you last time, remember? not to worry though. i won’t stop until our darling is completely satisfied. isn’t that right?"
aventurine’s hips stutter slightly as you moan around his cock. "let’s see who makes her cum the most then, shall we?"
"fine then. we shall."
please don't repost on other platforms. rbs and comments are super appreciated ♡ !!
#☆ oakie writes#aventurine x reader#aventurine smut#dr ratio x reader#dr. ratio x reader#ratio x reader#dr ratio smut#dr. ratio smut#ratio smut#hsr x reader#hsr smut#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail smut#aventurine x reader x ratio#aventurine x reader x dr ratio#dr ratio x reader x aventurine#hey. i’m so normal and sane#wrote this entirely on a whim (apologies to my ignored wips)#posts this and disappears#oak needs water…#dividers courtesy of @/cafekitsune !!!!!!
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Insecure Adam x reader! like he's insecure about his face because Eve and Lilith abandoned him
Oh this was too fun to write. Insecure boys 😳🥵
💖 Please send me requests! Send me your own headcanons! I will draw! I'm obsessed rn!💖
Imposter syndrome
Adam's a nice enough guy. A bit too cocky for your taste, just straight up vulgar at times. So when he asked you on a date you initially said no thanks. And he took it well or so you thought.
Internally he was freaking the fuck out. He hated rejection. HATED IT. It made him feel small. His chest collapsing in on its self. He quickly hurried away from you. You wouldn't see him for weeks maybe even months.
The next time you saw him is mask was slighty different. The LED brighter, more golden. The horns bigger and pointer. It was a small change but you notice.
"hey, Adam?"
"what's up, sweet tits."
"uh, your mask. Is it new?" You ask with a smile.
He gets a shit eating grin. "Yeah. You noticed?"
"yes, well, I tend to notice things." You replied playfully.
Adam took this as a good sign. You must like his new mask! You must like him! "Soo... What are you doing later?" He checks his nails, not giving you any time to reply. "I know this tight place. Only the best get in... I could... I don't know. Take you? If you want?"
"oh, well, I didn't have anything planned. So.. sure, Adam." His feathers puffed up in delight. "Cool. Pick you up at 8, sugartits." And that was it. You were dating Adam, the first man, the original dick.
You've been dating for about a year. You've gotten to the point of spending most weekends at each others apartments. And you noticed Adam will always have his mask on. He'd walk into the bathroom shower and come back with it on before anything else. He'd wear it during sex. Even to eat! You didn't even understand how that worked. You remember one time coming over and having to wait outside for 5 minutes because he needed his mask on. It was honestly getting annoying. You wanted to see his face. Especially when getting intimate. To feel his real lips on your body. Well, tonight was the night you decided. You were going to ask him to take off his mask.
You were cooking dinner while Adam was sat on your couch watching tv.
"Adam, sweetie... Can I ask you something?"
"sure thing, sugartits." His eyes not leaving the screen.
"why do you always wear that mask?"
His heart dropped, palms immediately went clammy as he shoots you a look. "What? Don't you like it?" You put down the knife you were using to chop up the vegetables for the meal. "no, of course I like it. It's just.." you walk over to the sink to wash your hands. "It would be nice to see you face. Like your real face?" You couldn't see but his hands clenched his robe so tightly his knuckles were turning white.
All he heard was static from then on, thoughts circling his head. What if you laugh at him. What if you leave him. What if you hate him. What if you're so repulsed by him you- "Adam!" You were crouched in front of him. He didn't even notice. "Huh, what?"
"you like.. froze? Are you okay?"
"tsk, yeah. I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm always okay, bitch." He leaned back in the couch putting your his arm over the back of it.
"well, I was talking and you stopped responding.. if you don't want to take your mask off you don't have to." He didn't even know you asked.
"psht, I'm not bothered. If you want me to take my mask off just ask." He rolled his eyes then looked away.
"okay... Can you take off your mask please?"
He froze again, his eyes dart to you."s-seriously?" He scoffed. "Whatever. You want it off you can take it off." You stood up. "Okay." Your hands reached down to his mask, he started pushing himself away, his heart beating rapidly in his chest as your fingers curled under neck. You got up to his jaw before he pulled it back down. "I'M NOT READY! I'M NOT READY! PLEASE!" You snatched your hands away as his gripped onto the horns holding his mask in place. "Adam?"
"I'm not... I can't do it. Please don't take it off..."
"I won't. I promise."
"I'm sorry.." his voice cracked and it broke your heart.
"no, no, don't be. You don't have to be sorry." You put your hand on his knees for reassurance. "When you're ready. Okay?"
"okay.." his wraps his arms around you, pulling you on to his lap. You both just hold each other. Until he's ready.
～♡✧｡ I really hope you enjoyed! I'm not a writer by any means but I appreciate any support I receive so thank you for reading! ｡✧♡～
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin adam#hazbin hotel adam#hazbin hotel adam x reader#adam x reader
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animalic (2)
← chapter 1 // series masterlist
pairing: Miguel O'Hara x F!Reader
rating: mature
word count: 2.2k
summary: a game of cat and mouse
warnings: enemies to lovers, canon typical violence, guns, death, blood, angst, no use of y/n (reader is referred to as ‘wraith’)
notes: remember when i said part 2 would take a while? i lied. the next chapter is fun as all hell so i wanted to churn this one out as build up. teehee i hope yall like it regardless
He let you go.
He let you go.
No matter how Miguel tries to vindicate it, he rounds back to the same conclusion. You weren’t subtle, regardless of what you’d have yourself believe; he’d seen the calculations glaze over your eyes the instant he pinned you to the wall. He knew what was coming, how your heavy breathing was a cover for the clicks of his watch – of which he heard regardless – and your squirming a diversion from the movement of your busy fingers. He had a goddamn plan too, a fail safe in case you decided to attack instead of listening to reason.
(One he’d settled on for the duration of your lost consciousness, for knowledge that you would.)
So, there is no dismissing it. You’re obnoxious and lack precision, and he could have had you halfway back home by now, which isn’t the case – because he let you go.
The frigid air of his office thrums with irritation, weighing down on his shoulders until they collapse inwards, his hands coming up to rub the weariness off his expression. HQ has been unsettlingly quiet as of late – occupied by only a fraction of its regular population – and the peace worries him. History betrays its status as the precursor to havoc; lulls in the past have fooled him into believing his mission was drawing to a close, only for another anomaly, another mess, to spin that naivety on its head.
You were one such instance. A year ago, you’d popped up on an Earth that wasn’t your own, and didn’t leave until you’d drawn all that you could from it. It’s an empty husk now, lacking land to propagate its agriculture. Thousands – millions – dead, from the flap of a butterfly’s wings.
Parasite. A fucking parasite who just won’t quit.
The mantra surges through him, festering from the base of his gut to the cap of his tongue. It bursts out with a roar right then, the sudden violence finding monitors thrown across the room, smashed to bits of orange light and static. It does nothing to sate him, though, the heady anger filtering out like molasses. His back hunches as he draws in thin breaths. He doesn’t count, nor does he attempt to. Instead, he looks for his only real decompressor.
The video of Gabriella flickers at him from a distant floor, the transparent tablet wrecked with four distinct claw marks. He exhales, pulling it back to the platform with an extended web.
“Boss,”
His mija smiles toothily down at his digital self, winding her small palms in his hair for balance as he carries her. He recalls helping with hers, tying it back into shabby ponytails the mornings before a big game. How she wouldn’t let anyone fix it afterwards, not until her elastic slipped off the ends and her bangs hindered her playing. And she’d run to him, whenever, to get it fixed again.
“Boss.”
Her jokes resonate still, echoing laughter from when she’d poke fun at how bad he’d gotten at it, amused by the sudden decline in ability. To Miguel, it was one more reminder that the life he led wasn’t his own.
“Oh Miguel!”
So much for calming down.
“Lyla.” He looks up at the virtual assistant, her corporeal character a little fuzzy around the edges. She chooses to ignore his dissociative episode, rather projecting a map of the arachno-humanoid poly-multiverse, a point off centre highlighted in red. His heart skips. Placing the tablet down on his desk, he takes a step closer to survey the pin.
“Managed to track the Wraith down using the day pass you’d given her. Currently stationed on Earth-15, no signs of jumping anytime soon.”
Parasitic, and stupid enough to forgo destroying a potential tracking device.
Lyla snickers, seemingly able to read the sneer pulling at his cheeks.
“Seems like she’s afraid of glitching more so than she is you, Boss.”
His glare snaps to meet her heart shaped sunglasses.
“Funny.” His assistant shrugs at his admonishment. “Pull up the anomaly cam.”
A second later, your figure blinks into sight.
You’re crouched atop a tiled floor, the grout darkened to near-black with grime. In front of you lies a sparse spread of medical supplies; gauze, scissors, and miniature packets of disinfectant wipes. Miguel can’t help but wonder what you think you’re doing, treating your wounds in a bathroom as unsanitary as the one that cramps you. Graffiti littered walls, nests of used paper towels in every corner. You spring up to wash your hands after undoing the old bandages that hugged your forearm, but all that comes out is an inconsistent splutter of grey water.
His chest twinges, a tug of intrinsic sympathy playing against him. It worsens at the sight of your injury, the consequences of his talons’ assault on you, the puncture points brimming yellow and blackening closer to their middles. He can’t tell whether it’s gotten any better, whether you were good and had it treated by a professional, or made the common mistake of relying too much on your enhanced healing.
“Gave her a harsh gig there. You always that rough?”
“When I need to be.” Miguel murmurs, skimming over the conspicuous innuendo.
“Right. Until it comes to finishing the job, that is.” And, despite the offence taken to Lyla’s jest, he can hardly disagree. Newfound resolve hardens within him, sympathy fleeting at its failure to deter him.
“Set coordinates for Earth-15.” He rumbles, gesturing to his wrist as he walks away. The assistant does as she’s told, shrinking back to an icon on his watch. While waiting for the portal to configure, Miguel cocks his head, taking one last look at your oblivious form.
“I won't let her get away this time.”
“Put the money in the fucking bag or she gets it!”
Of all the spider-people you’ve met, you don’t believe any have been the hostage in an armed robbery situation. You imagine that they’d come in at the last minute, valiantly swinging through the window, accentuating their arrival in a shower of shattered glass. They’d demand the money be remitted, and all’s well that ends well. But – of course – there’s got to be a first for everything; your record just so happens to be the lamest of the bunch.
The masked man presses the gun further into your temple, bursting capillaries until the spot starts to ache with a raw tenderness. His body wraps around you, other arm waving wildly outwards, extending a plastic bag to the poor soul behind the register. You take a great gulp of air, staring at the buzzing fluorescents above, and pray.
Lord, now would be a really good time to phase out.
“P-Please, leave her be.” The owner throws a potful of crumpled fives into the bag, as if to punctuate her plea. The man is dismissive in face, urging her for more, shaking the receptacle with comedic insistence. You purse your lips, blinking up at the ceiling once more.
Or make this more exciting, at the very least.
“And you!” You’re jolted out of being a passive observer, rattled when the man diverts his attention to you. His gun thrusts harder against your forming bruise, adding to the list of damages sustained in the past week alone. You peer at him from the corner of your eye. His roll incredulously, pointing to the bill in your grip. “The twenty!”
“Is that a real gun?”
“Wha– Of course it’s a real fucking gun! Put the money–”
“In the bag. I know.”
His hold on you slackens, expectant. By contrast, you ball your fist and punch him square in the nose. The hit sends him reeling farther than it should for the amount of space you had in winding back, the feat prompting a deluge of pride to wash over you. It’s bolstered when he drops the spoils in the process, toppling into a rack of chips and cup noodles that consequently cushion his fall.
Your first save.
Filled with bravado, you snatch and pass over the bag to the cashier.
“Here you go, ma’am.”
But she doesn’t look at you. Rather, her stare remains trained on the man you’d just disabled. Nerves maturating, you join her line of vision, only to be met with the barrel end of his weapon. You catch the vicious conclusion in the way his hand trembles, veins protruding from the pale skin, supplying courage to the finger hovering right over the trigger. You process it all, aware of the ways it can end, at how fast it can sour.
Before you can so much as act on it, he shoots.
Your skin prickles.
You’ve heard stories of people who don’t realise when a bullet strikes them. Their bodies take time to catch up to the pain, cells stuck in paralytic shock, stimulus signals held somewhere between the existential and a will to delay the inevitable. You think you understand what they mean, your mind dragging in a rare bout of silence. Things slow, for a perennial moment, and you wonder how fast the blood loss will kill you.
You can do nothing but follow the man, who scrambles to a stand, letting him take the money – with whatever else – and watching as he runs out onto the street.
And even still, the pain hasn’t caught up to you.
Looking down, the case starts piecing itself together. No blood sticks to your shirt, the fabric still as pristine as it had been upon purchase. You check your arms, then your legs, then reach up to smooth over your head. Nothing. You’re okay.
The relief is short-lived when the morbid sound of gurgling meets your ears. Slowly, you turn, bracing for what you knew you’d find.
The scene unfolds with a distressing intensity as crimson liquid blooms from the cashier’s throat. The torrent is never-ending, every gush of ichor bringing forth a new momentum, splattering its macabre scene over the register. Her eyes gloss over with an unshed panel of tears, and she looks to you for help.
She looks to you.
(You don’t admit it to yourself, but it’s the novelty of that fact that pushes you into action.)
With a swift leap over the counter, you intercept her mid-fall, carefully cradling her weight as you guide her down to the ground. Scanning your surroundings, you search for a means to call for help. A rotary phone catches your recognition, situated a ways off by the back exit. Despite the inconvenient placement, it stands as your sole option at this stage.
In a split second decision, you sling your backpack off, hastily rummaging through its contents. You find solace in your hoodie, gathering its folds to tightly bunch it up, converting it into a makeshift compress. Knowing she lacks the strength to apply pressure to the wound, you move to wrap it around her neck, hopeful that it’s tight enough to stem the bleeding while leaving enough room for air.
Urgency fuelling your every step, you leave her side for a fleeting moment, dashing over to call an ambulance. Your medical knowledge only extends so far, and some selfish part of you itches to pass on the responsibility to someone more competent. It’s an impulse that derives from an innate acceptance, that resoundingly insightful voice in your head telling you it's too late. That she’s already dead, had been from the moment the bullet – that was meant for you – missed.
Perhaps your help isn’t really helpful at all, then. Perhaps it’s your attempt to wash your hands of the sin. You think back to the grey water in the bathroom, how exasperated you had been at your inability to stay clean.
(You don’t think you’ll ever rid yourself of this.)
“911, what’s your emergency?” The question crackles through the receiver.
The bell by the entrance jingles, the chime accompanied by heavy footsteps. You press yourself against the wall, the concept of the robber returning filling you with such dread that you feel your stomach tighten and congeal. It’s a heavy lump, icy cold and slippery, and it seems to weigh a hundred pounds.
“Hello?” The operator says.
But if it was the man, then he'd have to have changed into a navy and red suit. Somehow, your terror worsens.
“Hijo de la chingada…” The whisper is barely legible, but the deep baritone is discernible enough to validate the assumption pulled from your brief glimpse. You’d recognise him anywhere.
Shrinking in on yourself, you cup your palm over your mouth. “Hello,”
“Ma’am? Can you describe your emergency?”
“There was an armed robbery at the convenience off sixth and Third. Someone’s hurt.” You hardly register the words as they escape you, eyeing Miguel when he crouches over the lady. You’re propelled back to the conclusion of your last meeting; how his claws tore into you, how his persistence didn't falter until you pressed yourself onto him.
That kiss.
He runs a finger over your hoodie-turned-compress, wavering, like he can’t quite place where he’d seen it before.
Or, maybe he can, for he spins to meet your wide-eyed stare.
You drop the phone, bolting out the back door, charged on a paroxysm of adrenaline and pure, unadulterated panic.
chapter 3 →
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