#i have but he has an EQUALLY fascinating complex face to draw that is hard to get a hold of
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i am like fiiiinnaallly getting a hang of rust’s likeness and so we’re a bit off to the races now lol >:-) having A LOT OF FUN with this hair concept
#true detective#rustin cohle#rust cohle#matthew mcconaughey#someday i will draw marty i swear#i have but he has an EQUALLY fascinating complex face to draw that is hard to get a hold of
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Portraits of a Tiger - The Finale
Legends of a great and equally terrifying warrior nicknamed the Tiger have been emerging from your fellow villagers for quite sometime. Stories of his skill, his stealth and his supposed wickedness have been passed around to the point where he is more prophecy than person. You have lived your life with a strong sense of conviction, rarely letting gossip influence your opinion. However, you would be lying if you said that his legacy didn’t intrigue you. When the Tiger and his infamous army arrive in your village to refuel, you come face to face with the man behind the myth.
And no amount of marketplace gossip would ever be enough to capture the true complexity of his nature.
Pairing: Merchant! Reader x Warrior! Yoongi
Genre: Adventure, Romance, Smut, Fluff, Angst, not intended to be a historical au.
Word Count: 28k
Warnings: depictions of violence, death, blood, choking, mentions of battle, heavy angst (happy endings only), LONGING, explicit language, mentions of grief, mentions of loss, mentions of insecurity, explicit smut: scratching, biting, lovebites, unprotected sex.
A/N: welp :( This is the end for now folks. I can’t believe I finally finished a series on this freakin’ blog lol. I am so incredibly grateful for your patience. I truly hope you enjoy it and if you do, I would love to hear from you. Whilst this is the end of the series, I wouldn’t be surprised if I wrote drabbles for it in the future so, if there is anything you’d like to see more of, please let me know :D
A few thank you notes to my sisters from across the globe @yoonia and @randombtsprincessa, the two of you are so important to me and, I am forever grateful for your friendship. I love you lots.
To @kithtaehyung @missgeniality @noelleydances thank you for always hyping me up and, being willing to chat with silly ol me. You’re all amazing and I LOVE YOU ALOT.
To @gldnrecs LISTEN IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW, LAY. I am so thankful you and, your willingness to scream with me in my dms. I’m so honored to know you and, I hope you know that I am always here if you need anything. ALSO HAPPY COLLEGE GRADUATION YOU FREAKING GENIUS. Please consider this (and Hobi’s conclusion specifically) my graduation present. Love you.
Love letter to Rachel: It’s very important for anyone who comes across this story to know that I would have NEVER EVER EVER be able to conjure up this universe without the help of my bestie @bulletproofbirdy. My friend, you are a genius and, it has truly been such an honor designing this world with you. I am so grateful that I’ve been able to create something with someone as amazing as you but, ON TOP OF IT??? We became so close that we literally talk every single day. I don’t know what to say without being the mushiest person ever but, I just want to thank you for being you. Without your love, your support and your BIG BRAIN, I would have never finished this series. I hope it lives up to all of your expectations. I love you.
The clouds hung in the air with a heaviness that was almost palpable. Storm season was looming over the horizon and, although you’re aware that the rain is more than overdue, you still feel a sense of doom clinging to your subconscious. This time of year, arrives like clockwork and your village is well-equipped to deal with all the rainfall, the thunder, the lightening...
But there was always a chance that the river would flood and thus there was always a chance for tragedy to strike; a chance for everything you’ve ever known to be swallowed whole. You know you can’t stop a flood. The water operates on its own axis, untethered by human convenience. It terrifies you yes but, you’re fascinated none the less.
With a deep sigh, you step away from the edge of the river. The soft bubbling of the water is intriguing you, eliciting a yearning within you to step inside just one last time. However, you know the bite of the water would be too much to handle on your bare feet and you really don’t want to catch a cold before the winter season has even started.
Turning around, the breath you are preparing to take gets lodged deep in the center of your throat. It’s Yoongi and he’s reaching out for you but the look of pain on his face alerts you that something is horribly wrong.
“Y/n...” He croaks, his eyes wide with fear as he reaches out to you and it’s then that you see the blood dripping from his fingers. Your eyes frantically travel down his figure before realizing the source of the blood.
A wound similar to that of a sword brandishes his lower stomach, staining his tunic and causing the bile in your stomach to swirl uncomfortably.
He’s hurt.
He’s hurt badly.
“Yoongi!” You cry to him, your heartbeat rising to a level that feels painful.
As you try to run to him however, he falls to his knees, the life sparking in his eyes one last time before he collapses.
The scream coming from your lips is unrecognizable but, thankfully it draws you upright in your bed, informing you that horrible scene you just witnessed, was only a dream.
You clutch your hand to your chest, breathing heavily, your eyes stinging as they well up with tears. Without thinking, you sob into the clasped hand over your lips, trying your best to calm down but the morbid images continue to assault your mind over and over.
The light streaming in through your window, informs you that the sun has risen. At least your nightmare had allowed you to sleep a full night before rudely interrupting. You swallow back another sob, forcing a deep breath through your nose while you remind yourself that Yoongi is ok.
But you can’t know that for sure, can you?
The small break in your logic is enough to make you rush out of bed and into your coat, not bothering to fix your appearance as you shove your feet into your shoes. Thankfully, your parents are still sleeping soundly in their beds when you bustle through the main room and towards the door.
You have to see for yourself; even a glimpse of him could loosen the grip that fear currently has on your mind. You take the back way to avoid the marketplace which already shows signs of coming to life. You would need to make it quick to avoid missing the morning crowd: that’s usually where most of your sale’s come from.
With everything in you, you hope that he’s already awake because if he isn’t, you’d just have to move on without the reassurance, which is what you should do anyway, but you can’t bring yourself to let it go.
Thankfully, Yoongi is awake and by the looks of it, he’s out with the new recruits, running drills in the grass right in front of their camp. You see Jungkook out there as well, assisting one of the men with his form as he brandishes a sword.
The sight floods your mind with images of your dream once again, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut.
He’s ok though, so regardless of the images, you feel content seeing him in good health. Logically, you know you need to go about your day and allow him to go about his but, as you move to turn back towards the village- he notices you.
At first, a smile passes over his lips almost involuntarily but, his keen observation skills notice something is array. You see him gesture to his men to continue before he starts making his way in your direction.
Embarrassment washes over you without any warning and you try and wave him off, reassuring him that everything is ok, but he ignores it and jogs over anyway.
“Good morning-” He murmurs, his hands reaching out for yours. As he laces his fingers between your own, he tilts his head, “Are you ok?”
Instinctively, you nod but when you open your mouth to say something, nothing comes out.
Glancing up towards his face, your eyes pass over the area your mind brandished with blood and, without thinking, you throw your arms around him.
Yoongi is a little taken aback but he reciprocates nonetheless, his arms encircling you and pressing you against his chest. You feel a sigh of relief leave your lips as you cling to his robe, breathing in the subtle scent of him.
“I just wanted to make sure you were ok.”
The whisper of your voice sends an aching into his chest and although you don’t disclose exactly what happened, Yoongi trusts that you had a valid reason for checking on his well-being.
With a soft smile, he presses a kiss to your temple, “I feel a little more than ok now...” He confirms before pulling back to look into your eyes, “May I do my own wellness check?”
There is a playfulness to his tone that softens the hard exterior of your residual panic and you bite your bottom lip when you nod.
His expression grows pensive as he holds your chin between his thumb and forefinger. He tilts your face from left to right, his own head following the motions whilst he narrows his eyes,
“Hm, nothing out of the ordinary here...” He grins, his blonde hair rustling slightly with the pace of the wind, eyes alight with fondness, “Still beautiful- still curious, still driving me insane because, I don’t know what’s going through her head...”
A small bit of laughter leaves your lips as you slide your hand up his forearm before settling gently on his wrist. With your fingertips, you press lightly against the bone beneath his skin, relishing in any tangible part of him you can touch, “I had a nightmare about you.”
He purses his lips together, rubbing his thumb over your cheek, “Did I turn into a tiger and try to eat you? My men have told me they had this dream quite a lot during training...”
Yoongi attempts to keep his tone playful but he looks slightly deflated now as he waits for your response.
With a small smile, you shake your head tightly. You take his hand away from your chin, lacing your fingers together, ensuring that the grip you have on him is tight.
“No. You were-”A sigh leaves your lips whilst you shake your head, “You were hurt.” You spare him the details, “I woke up and just started running over here to make sure you were ok...it’s a bit silly now that I’m thinking of it.”
Yoongi can’t help but smile at you, his heart flourishing with the promise new romance often makes. He is saddened that you were worried on his account but, he would be lying if he said that this wasn’t endearing.
Ok- so perhaps it was extremely endearing.
“And if I wasn’t ok?” He wraps his arms around you, “Would you have come to my rescue?”
The smirk on his lips makes him all the more handsome and the feeling of his hands on the small of your back, makes your mind fuzzier than you’d care to admit.
“I would have-” Your voice grows higher with determination which causes Yoongi to chuckle, shaking his head in disbelief, “Why are you laughing???? Do you doubt my ability to hold my own on the battlefield?”
Yoongi’s laughter is choppy and warm, it soothes every sore spot of anxiety in your head in almost medicinal way.
You wish you could hear the sound more.
“Absolutely not.” He shakes his head, still chuckling a bit, “In fact, I think you’d make a fine solider, ma'am. It’s just-” He glances down at your feet, “I don’t usually recommend wearing house slippers on the battlefield.”
The rolling of your eyes, brings Yoongi’s laughter back into the conversation.
“I would have managed just fine, thank you. You underestimate how powerful house slippers can be when brandished by the right person.”
He raises his brows, “Is that right? You wouldn’t need a sword then? Just your slippers?”
“Mhm.” You grumble with certainty, your fingers finding the ends of the hair hanging down from his pony tail, “My slippers and my wit are more powerful than any weapons you have here.”
Yoongi chuckles, the sound low and slow in the base of his throat, “Now that sounds a bit more realistic- that mouth of yours would certainly be enough to guarantee your victory.”
As he’s replying, you’re gently tracing your fingertips up the length of his spine, admiring the strength clearly present in the muscles of his back.
“Hm-” You muse, stealing a look directly into his eyes, “I do hope to show you what my mouth is capable of someday-” Fluttering your lids innocently, you try to stop the smirk from taking over your mouth but, when Yoongi’s grip tightens on you, it takes over anyway.
Drawing a deep breath through his nose, you see his Adam’s apple bob in the center of his throat as his jaw fills up with tension. An audible swallow comes from him as his gaze slowly shifts from playful to perturbed.
“I find it ironic that you’ve chosen to threaten my wellbeing…whilst in the middle of a wellness check …”
You hum with a sense of false innocence, “I haven’t the faintest idea of what you’re talking about.”
“You’re dangerous” He murmurs, and you don’t miss the lust that coats his voice, “and unarmed...” A chuckle leaves his lips then as he presses his hands further into your skin, “and in your house slippers. I think you might be the biggest threat I’ve ever encountered.”
This makes you giggle now, dropping the salacious tone from your voice but, as you lean up to press a kiss to his lips- a voice brings your motions to a halt.
“General Tiger! Are you going to join your men for training this morning or were you planning on teaching them the art of seduction?”
It’s Jin and he’s stood outside their tent with his arms crossed. It’s then that you notice the lack of movement in his camp. Most of the recruits were sort of standing around awkwardly, many of them sneaking a glance at the two of you.
They look rather shocked at Jin’s choice of words, expecting Yoongi’s wrath but instead he merely smirks and leans in so his lips are at your ear before whispering, “We’ll talk about this later...”
His slightly menacing tone sends excitement rushing into your chest as you reluctantly pull away from him.
You salute him, “Yes sir.”
Yoongi forces a breath out of his nostrils, shaking his head at you, “You’re going to kill me one day.” He mutters to himself as he practically saunters back to his camp.
Yoongi is still smirking as he returns amidst his group of men, which Jin promptly comments on.
“Even after a decade with you, you still surprise me.” He notes, his tongue running along the inside of his cheek.
“Third line, run those last two again! I need you sharper than that!” Yoongi calls out to his men, replacing his commanding expression with one full of nonchalance, “What are you referring to?”
Jin merely nods to the place the two of you had just been canoodling in, “I wasn’t sure that I’d ever see the day you took a partner- let alone the day that you’d publicly display affection for one. I wouldn’t necessarily think to question it but-”
Yoongi smirks, his eyes on the men in front of him but his focus clearly elsewhere, “And yet here you are...”
Jin rolls his eyes, “You can’t possibly blame me. I mean, you have a reputation that spans across the entirety of this land- does it concern you that they might mark you as vulnerable? From what I’ve gathered around the plaza, many of these villagers have already began to view you more casually.”
Yoongi’s smirk never fades as he calls out another command to the recruits, “If an enemy brands me as vulnerable- that is an error on their end, not on mine. In fact, I imagine it would bode quite well for me in the end. In regard to the villagers viewing me in a certain light- I can’t say I mind. Being feared was never something I asked for- you know this well. I would hope that more of the people I’ve served find me approachable.”
Jin doesn’t look convinced, knowing Yoongi far too well to believe that this was the end of his explanation, “There is more to it than that, isn’t there?”
“What do you mean?”
“You have other motives for being so open about her.”
Yoongi tilts his head in thought, still not bothering to look at him, “I just don’t think it hurts to send a message, to anyone who might be observing us.”
Jin scoffs at his vagueness, attempting eye contact, “What message might that be?”
Finally, Yoongi turns towards him, the ghost of his previous smirk on his mouth, “That she is both protected and accounted for.”
With that, Yoongi draws his sword and heads back amongst the large crowd of men who, having finished their drills, were now eagerly awaiting his instruction.
Jin finds himself smirking as well now, undeniably intrigued by his general’s newfound attitude.
Your day in the marketplace moves slowly but, you find yourself largely unphased. With a mind full of budding romance and unresolved passion, it’s difficult to focus on the mundanity of everyday life.
“So- “ Jane begins, with a curious gaze as the two of you begin packing up your wares for the day, “I’ve seen you over at the military camp quite a lot these past few weeks...”
Unable to resist, you roll your eyes at her observation whilst lining your bags with your belongings, “I’ve been making bread for the battalion.”
You’ve learned over the years of working with Jane that keeping your responses to a minimum is a good idea, particularly when she decides to fish for information.
She has an impressive habit of picking your words apart in search of anything potentially scandalous.
“Oh? So I suppose canoodling with their leader is just a part of your services then?”
With wide eyes, your head whips in her direction, “What do you mean?”
Jane chuckles, smoothing her hands over the many fly aways atop her head, “The man clearly moves as though a burden has been lifted from him and, given the way he looks at you every time he visits our plaza- I have no choice but to assume that you were the one to do so.”
Most of the time, you’d shy away from her attempts to gossip but, you’re in a bit of a mood after your earlier encounter with Yoongi so, you decide to give her something to work with. “I am a healer Jane, if I can lift the burden of stress from my patrons- I won’t shy away from the opportunity.”
It’s her turn to widen her eyes now as she chokes back the small gasp coming from her throat, “Are you- are you saying it’s true then? You’ve laid with the Tiger?”
In an almost child-like manner, you giggle to yourself, glancing over at her briefly, “Is it still considered lying with him if I were pressed up against a tree?”
Jane’s face shines like a summer tomato, fit to burst, as she hustles closer to you, “My girl!” She whispers, “What has gotten into you?”
Brushing off leftover debris from your cart, you turn towards her, “Well according to your theory-” You wager, “I suppose it was the Tiger,” You smirk, “Wasn’t it?”
Jane smacks your arm now, causing your laughter to increase in volume, “Y/N! I am shocked by you-” She begins before her features seem to morph back into her previous curiosity, “and slightly impressed...I thought I was the only whore around here.”
“Jane!” You swat her arm now, shaking your head at her and trying your best not to laugh, “Aren’t you married?”
She shrugs, a smirk now present on her lips, “I am but-” She eyes her husband, who is obliviously untangling his fishing line across the plaza, “Morris and I are well-acquainted...” She allows the word to drop from her mouth like maple syrup, “with other members of the village.”
Did she just-
“Whatever satisfies your heart and mind, Jane. I’m glad you and Morris are active community members...” You wave her off, giggling once again and desperately hoping she won’t divulge any further details, “I’ll see you tomorrow...stay out of trouble.”
“Don’t give me advice you know I won’t take Y/N...” She chuckles loudly before calling her husband, “Oh Morris! Don’t forgot we have plans with the minister and his wife this evening!”
Morris’s eyes widen, seeming to understand the hidden implication behind her words as he puts his index finger to his lips in an effort to silence her.
With that disturbing piece of information, you rush out of the plaza before you learn anything else that has the capability of scaring you for life.
Before heading to Rachel’s with her steamed buns, you decide to stop at the library to check out the new arrivals from the Queen’s province. Every month or so, they send new copies of the latest publishing from the capital and, given how coveted they are- you always try to make it to the library on the day of delivery.
You’re able to snag a title on growing herbs in the wintertime before spotting someone you’ve been quite eager to see: Rachel.
You find her perusing the history section, completely unaware of her presence even as you slink up beside her, “Oh hi there- fancy meeting you here; how was meeting your new student?”
Jumping slightly at the unexpected interruption, she pivots towards you before her eyes narrow with accusation, “Oh NO you don’t!” She chides, though her red cheeks suggest something else, “I cannot believe you used my love of teaching to stage a romantic COUP in my own schoolroom!” She rants, eyes wild with disbelief.
Ignoring her completely, you lean against the shelf- admiring the scent of the parchment before repeating your question, “Uh huh yeah-” You dismiss, “How did it go?”
“It went...” She clears her throat, mindlessly running her fingers over the spines resting on the shelves, “very well- it went very well.”
Looking at her expectantly, you raise your brows, “Can you define ‘well’ for the courts please?”
Rachel’s eyes seem to light up all over again as they drift into her story, “I never thought a man like that could be interested in such a quiet life like mine...we hardly know each other but, there is such kindness and passion in his eyes...it feels like I’ve known him for years.”
Seeing your best friend so enamored warms your heart; if anyone deserved happiness in this world, it would be her.
She goes on to tell you everything that happened between the two of them, recounting the nervous glances, flushed cheeks and a romantic confession from Bambi with the biceps himself.
At her conclusion, you’re unable to help the excited squeal that leaves your lips as you wrap your arms around her flushed frame, “I’m so happy for you!!!” Your scream comes out as an excited whisper, not wanting to feel the wrath of the librarian before you recall her earlier comment, “I think your quiet life and impeccable charm is what drew him in, in the first place...” You nudge her playfully, “You should have seen him talking about you- even I was swooning.”
She glows brighter, her figure emanating a bright carnation as she smoothly changes the subject; Rachel will only take the spotlight for so long, “Speaking of swooning, how is that ferocious general for yours, eh?”
Suddenly, you become very interested with a book on the shelf beside you, “Hm? What general? I don’t know a general Rachel, I’m just a silly little medicine woman.”
Her eyes widen as she smacks you playfully, “APOTHECARY!” She corrects and, the two of you giggle like schoolchildren as the librarian shoots daggers in your direction, “Don’t play coy with me- I spilled my guts about Jungkook. Fair is fair.”
Resigned, you let out a sigh and try to contain all of your emotions towards the subject, “Fiiiiine. The general simply explained that...” you look around to make sure no one is listening before lowering your voice, “that the reason we haven’t, hmmm what’s the word-” You pause once more, looking rather pensive, “defiled one another yet, is because he wants to wait until he has no more distractions. Which basically means we must wait until retirement, which of course also means- I am likely to go insane.”
Rachel snorts, slapping a hand over her mouth in an effort to conceal with laughter, “Wow he is serious about his intimacy.” She comments as she places a hand on your shoulder, “It’s been nice knowing you. I will tell the world your story.”
Slumping against her, you groan, feeling the full weight of your impatience, “If you’re wondering whether or not he still kisses me passionately beneath the moonlight despite the fact that he wants to wait- the answer is a resounding yes.” You explain, matter of factly, “it’s like he is wishing for the destruction of my sanity...”
Rachel links arms and giggles once again, “Look at us hm? Being pined for by heroes like in the poems that line these shelves...” She nods to them, “Who have thought?”
“I am slightly regretting all of my daydreams involving a knight in shining armor- who would have thought there would be so much yearning?”
She merely laughs again, shaking her head at you, “Have you two discussed his retirement?”
You nod, “His entire battalion is retiring this year. He said it should be around the wintertime, all of them have been in service for 10 years, including Jungkook.”
“That’s incredible: ten years of such a hard life. I couldn’t imagine. Do you know what they will do?”
“That means Jungkook joined the queen’s army before he was of age,” You observe, furrowing your brow, “I imagine they will retire with their chosen partners. Yoongi said that, that was his plan at least-” Your voice turns slightly coy at the end, “I don’t imagine they will have to work for the rest of their lives. My parents always talk about how well taken care of decorated soldiers are.”
Rachel’s face falls, “I’m just imagining Jungkook choosing this life at such a young age...the things those men have seen and, the rough life they have in service to the two queens...” She shakes her head, “I hope they all find peace and happiness, no matter what they choose.”
You nod, resting your head on her shoulder, “I think they have made their choices already- it all depends on if their partners reciprocate their advances.”
Rachel nudges you when she hears your teasing tone, “Quiet down you, we’re in the library...”
After much more giggling and, gushing over the men that have stolen your hearts, the two of you part ways.
Rachel has an evening to prepare for after all...
She rushes home after her time at the library. The books she gathered for her lesson on Monday are carefully placed on her bookshelf and, the ingredients for tonight’s meal are sprawled out on her countertop.
As she begins the long process of preparing for her night with Jungkook, she allows her mind to wander to a place she seldom visits: the past.
Like most people, she finds indulging in this subject to be quite the slippery slope. Today, she finds herself remembering a time where finding love seemed like nothing more than an elaborate fantasy. Rachel is a brilliant woman yes, but she has mistakenly branded herself as invisible for most of her life.
Now, she is faced with the reality that not only does someone see her but, they are enamored with her.
It’s slightly terrifying.
Another quiet breath is pulled through her nose then as she smooths her hands over her dress once more.
Glancing back towards the home she’s shared with herself over the years, a small smile comes over her face as she realizes that she might need to get used to the idea of sharing.
But then again, it will be nice to have someone around during the winter...
Especially when that someone has biceps like Jungkook.
Rachel waves at a group of students who scream her name excitedly from across the street whilst desperately hoping that they don’t try to follow her to her destination.
With another deep breath, she begins heading out of the market plaza and into the deep emerald of the clearing just before the camp. Normally around this time, she would be heading there with Y/N to deliver bread but, tonight she takes a sharp left into forest.
She had given Jungkook instructions on how to get there and he had then insisted on getting there before her to set things up. Rachel realized at that moment that her ability to refuse him was at a minimum, especially when he flashed those beautiful eyes her way.
Curse him and his ethereal beauty.
Narrowing her eyes slightly, she navigates through the maze of trees as the sound of running water slowly makes its way into her ears. A smile comes across her lips then, as she realizes she’s getting close.
The sun is beginning to take the minimal warmth of the day with it as it begins its descent towards the horizon and, she feels slightly regretful that she chose to meet with him around sunset.
Sometimes you have to sacrifice body heat for the ambience.
As she nears one of the many pools that come off of the main river, she finally sees Jungkook waiting for her. Slowly but surely, she can make out his appearance for the evening and as she does, her heart swoons.
He’s standing somewhat awkwardly at the edge of a large tan woolen blanket, dressed in a red tunic and red cloth pants, with his onyx locks freshly washed and curling in various directions atop his head. She sees him swallow at the sight of her, the tiniest of smiles etching onto his lips.
“Good evening.” He bows slightly, gesturing to her, “You look- um, you look very nice.”
She returns his smile, fingers clutching the basket of food a bit tighter, “Good evening. I could say the same to you, red looks really great on you.”
His stance seems to light up at her compliment, the tiny smile growing, “That’s what my hyungs said, I wasn’t sure if it was too much but, if you like it then-” He nods, cringing at how nervous he feels, “-then that’s good.”
Rachel bites her lip, noticing his nerves immediately, “I love it,” She assures him before raising the basket up, “I brought dumplings. I wasn’t sure what kind you liked so I brought a few different ones.”
At the mention of food, the tension within his figure seems to dissipate.
“I can’t wait to try them,” He grins now as he gestures to the blanket, “You can sit wherever you’d like, I can take those from you-” He shakes his head then, regretting his choice of words, “No wait... here-” He is gentle as he takes the basket from her before turning around to set it carefully on the blanket. He then reaches out with his palm extended, “I’ll help you down...”
Her heart bursts.
It seems she isn't the only one flooded with nervous excitement.
“Thank you-” She insures to heighten the gratitude within her tone, wanting to soothe his anxiety in any way she can, despite feeling so much of her own.
He plops next to her in a less graceful manner then he would have hoped as he looks regretfully toward his canteen, “We don’t have an extra canteen in the camp. They were all given away to the new recruits. I would have brought you your own but, I washed mine for you and filled it up. I can drink from the river over there.”
“Oh goodness no, you don’t have to do that-” She shakes your head, pulling out her canteen from the basket, “I figured you would have had your own; I should have brought you one just in case though-”
“No really, it’s ok! I can just use mine.” Once again, he cringes, “I guess it’s a bit strange that I would have thought you’d want to drink from mine...I don’t know what I was thinking.”
At the rather innocent pout on his lips, he looks up at her- feeling slightly hopeless.
A bit of silence lingers in the air for a moment before Rachel giggles and at the sound, Jungkook’s lips twitch.
“It’s not a good sign that you’re already laughing-” He laments, the smiling that was threatening his mouth fully taking over, “Even though I quite like hearing it...”
Rachel places a cautious hand over Jungkook’s knuckles, relishing in the warmth of his skin, “I promise you it is-“ She disagrees, “It’s important that I’m around people I can laugh with- even if its at our own expense sometimes…”
The corner of Jungkook’s mouth turns up in a half smile, “That might work out in my favor then- my hyungs say I appear one way but, behave another…I guess that’s why I feel so nervous now…”
He looks up at her quite innocently through his long eyelashes as Rachel furrows her brow, “What do you mean?”
Jungkook’s fingers are now aimlessly toying with the bit of loose thread and, with her heightened sense of empathy, Rachel can sense that he is burdened in some way.
“I am slightly afraid that you will be disappointed when you get to know me…” He admits.
This shocks Rachel as she cannot imagine how someone as beautiful as Jungkook could lack confidence in any capacity. But still, she feels the urge to understand him.
“Well, I don’t want to discount your worries Mr. Jeon but, “ She tilts her head slightly, a hint of sternness in her gaze, “I sincerely doubt your ability to disappoint me.”
Jungkook’s cheeks begin to burn all over again; there is something about the way her lips look curving around the words ‘Mr. Jeon’ that he stores away for a later time.
“Aren’t I already different than what you expected?” He chuckles, and the sound is boyish and full of airiness but, it still holds a bit of tension.
He was right.
He was much different than she had anticipated but that isn’t saying much, considering the fact that her first impression of him came after he took down a group of raiders.
“Different doesn’t always mean disappointment…” She assures him candidly, “In fact, I am quite relieved that you aren’t what I expected.”
He is intrigued, “Most of the people I meet are afraid of me but, I can’t say I blame them; My hyungs and I come with a reputation. Were you afraid of us when we came here?”
Jungkook wants to know what she thinks, even if he might be uncomfortable with her answer.
Rachel eyes the dumplings collecting the cool air around them and, doesn’t even notice the fact that they have yet to start eating. Both of them are too overcome with anticipation to pay attention to much else aside from each other.
It felt instinctual to begin things this way.
“Yes.” She replies honestly, catching the way his face falls and regretting it instantly, “But that wasn’t your doing. I have come to understand that you and the rest of your battalion are merely victims of village gossip. Besides, the fear I felt quickly disappeared once I saw you.”
Jungkook’s face lightens once again as he extends his hand towards hers. Rachel feels a shiver rush eagerly up her spine as he slips his fingers between her own, “You aren’t afraid of me now?”
Anyone else may have found it odd that Jungkook needed this type of reassurance so early in the evening but, he simply couldn’t relax until he knew that he wasn’t perceived as a threat. He is so used to putting on a tough persona and, even more used to people fearing him. He has grown quite tired of always needing to disarm himself.
Tightening her grip on his hand, she allows a playful smirk to etch across her lips, “I wouldn’t have agreed to meet with you in the middle of the forest if I was afraid of you. That would be quite foolish don’t you think?”
Jungkook’s teeth are brilliant as he grins, a breathless bit of laughter leaving his mouth, “Not unless you were some sort of thrill seeker…”
Sensing the bit of suggestion in his voice, she takes her chance and utters, “Those aren’t exactly the type of thrills I’m seeking…”
Jungkook feels his mouth dry up at her words but, before he has time to process any of it, she raises the basket once more, “These are getting cold.”
And ever the gentleman, he doesn’t comment on it but just as he did with the image of her lips, he stores her comment away.
For later.
The two of them begin eating and, Rachel watches on fondly as he shoves more than half of the dumplings in his mouth. She can tell he is doing his best to appear civilized but, Y/N did mention that they don’t eat proper meals very often so, his manners weren’t exactly in tip-top shape.
Rachel didn’t mind. In fact, she took great pleasure in watching him stuff himself. His cheeks puffed up adorably to accommodate the volume of dough he was shoving in them but, despite him wanting to eat the entire batch, he kept insisting on feeding her bites of food every 30 seconds or so.
During dinner, they talked about all sorts of things:
Rachel’s childhood, her work as an educator, her favorite seasons…
Jungkook wanted to learn it all.
He was fascinated by her entire existence.
However, after a certain amount of time, Rachel begins to notice how he continuously shifts the conversation back towards her. He doesn’t look uncomfortable when she asks him questions but, he keeps answering them as quickly as possible.
Finally, Rachel decides this theme has gone on long enough before she finally asks the one question that’s been on her mind all night.
“What led to you joining Yoongi’s battalion so early?”
Jungkook swallows the instant lump in his throat, “Uh well…it wasn’t hyung’s battalion yet when I first joined. We both went in together. He took over when he was about…” He thinks for second, “20 I think? So I would have been about 17. But we were both running in missions long before that.”
Rachel almost comments on the fact that he didn’t answer her question but, he beats her to it and, continues.
“Yoongi-hyung and I are brothers but, not by blood.” He begins, “His family took me in when I was 7.”
She can sense that he is about to tell her something quite serious so, she hesitates to ask any further questions; he would clarify if he was comfortable enough to do so.
“Hyung and I are from the same village. Our families had been neighbors for three generations until-“ He averts his eyes, preparing to tell the story that started it all, “we were attacked. Our village was destroyed by a raider clan. The first incident wasn’t so bad but, they came back and-“ Jungkook swallows the emotions that have balled up in his throat, “they decided that they weren’t after our valuables any longer; they were after blood.”
Rachel’s whole body is tense with the weight of his story, her mouth seemingly frozen in its slightly parted position as she tightens her grip on his hand.
“I still can’t comprehend it.” He breathes, shaking his head, “It wasn’t even like they were trying to recruit us or take us as laborers; they just wanted to create chaos.”
She can see the way his eyes are growing glossy and the way his breath seems to shorten and with her whole being, she expects to wipe his tears but, they never come.
“Our families tried to flee the village together but-“ He clears his throat, “my parents and I were shot by the enemy’s arrows. I remember seeing them go down in front of me and, then there was this horrible pain in my side. I tried to stay with them but, Yoongi-hyung wouldn’t let me. He just threw me over his shoulder and ran. I still don’t know how he did it; he must have ran with me for hours before we made it to the next secure village.”
Still captivated by his story, Rachel runs his thumb over the backs of his knuckles to ensure that he knows she’s right there with him.
“I’m so sorry.” She whispers and, he offers a sad smile in return, squeezing her hand.
“Hyung told me many years later that the shots my parents received were fatal. There was no chance of rescue. But, for so long I believed I had abandoned them there. From then on, the only family I knew was Yoongi-hyung and, the parents he decided to share with me; He shared everything with me actually: his food, his clothes, his bed, his patience,” Jungkook chuckles breathlessly, “When the military council came for him, I panicked; we had been inseparable for so long. I couldn’t stand to see my hyung going off to war alone so,” At last the heavy emotions begin to lift from his face as a slight smirk comes over his lips, “I may have snuck out in the middle of the night and, followed him out…”
Rachel’s eyes widen, “You could have been killed!” She smacks his arm playfully which causes him to break out in a fit of laughter, “How on Earth did you manage that??? I’ve always heard they were so meticulous!”
Jungkook shrugs, somewhat smugly, “I fit in quite well. I was already taller than hyung at this age and, he and I had been training together since we were young.”
“What did he say when realized you had come along??? I’m surprised he didn’t send you home himself.”
He is chuckling again, his eyes lighting up fondly at the memory, “Oh he nearly killed me himself actually…he found me hiding out in a barn on the military camp and, it was truly the only time I’ve ever seen him that afraid. But once he was done lecturing me, we both decided it was safer for me to stay. Hyung was worried that I’d be punished if he turned me in to his general so, I passed as a volunteer. The rest is history…”
Rachel grins, overcome with fondness, “History indeed, especially the part when you became the youngest recruit to ever join the royal army.”
The faintest blush crosses his cheeks, “Well technically, the records will never reflect that, most people in our land believe hyung and I are the same age. I personally find this hard to understand as he clearly has so many more wrinkles than I do but-“ He shrugs again, “I suppose it works out.”
She smirks, “I suppose it does. I don’t know where the royal army would be without it’s Terror Cub…”
Jungkook groans, his face turned up in disgust, “I will haunt the historian who writes that name down in the books. Could they not have come up with something more menacing? Terror Cub? It sounds like a character in a children’s book…”
He is pouting profusely now and, Rachel decides that his adorable expression is far deadlier than any weapon he could wield.
She was simply powerless against it.
“I promise not to go blathering to any of our historians about it. If anyone asks, I will tell them you were the fiercest solider in all of the land.”
Jungkook’s heart swells with pride as he subconsciously puffs out his chest, “While you’re there please tell them of our involvement as well. I hope to be remembered for the pursuits of my heart rather than just my skills on the battlefield…”
Rachel’s lips twitch, “What exactly shall I tell them?”
His demeanor shifts slightly and, it's as if the sparkle in his eyes turns to lightening, “I think you should tell them that-” The distance between their lips seems to lessen almost subconsciously as Jungkook licks over his bottom lip, “our connection was medicinal, that it was almost as if we had been holding our breath until we finally found one another.”
Despite Jungkook’s words raising every hair upon Rachel’s skin, he seems to grow immediately nervous by his candid statement.
“That’s really excessive isn’t it? My hyungs always tell me that I should think before I-“
But he isn’t able to finish his sentence…
Rachel has closed the distance between them and, is pressing her lips against his own. Jungkook’s body stalls at the feeling and, he assumes the whole world stalls along with him.
For in this moment, there is nothing else but her lips.
Jungkook’s hands are unstable as they reach her cheeks and, he grimaces because he knows his palms are damp with the evidence of his nerves.
But Rachel doesn’t notice.
She can only sigh hopelessly into his mouth as the two of them deepen their kiss.
============================
The river welcomes you with open arms this evening. The chill of the oncoming fall season is no match for the thick woolen coat your mother made for you last year. Tonight, you are overcome with peace as you stroll along the embankment. You’ve always felt so much happiness around the river but ever since meeting Yoongi, the meaning of this piece of land has shifted and intensified.
He is unlike anyone you’ve ever known. He’s wise and controlled but, he carries a type of wildness that is uniquely his own. The great and powerful Tiger: he is so much more than just a rumor. Even though you claimed to make your own judgements about things, you still expected Yoongi to be some sort of brut; an egotistic warrior at best or a bloody thirsty monster at worst.
But you had been wrong.
Yoongi was a man of great skill yes, quick like lightening and deadly like his feline persona but, his heart contained so much depth and so much warmth, that you found yourself drowning in it. The two of you hadn’t known each other long but, the emotions are already so strong. Your future with him is all you find yourself daydreaming about and, you can only hope that he is able to keep all of the promises he made to you.
The anxiety surrounding his departure strikes again, right in the middle of your heart.
You have half a mind to join his ranks or even stowaway amongst the new recruits…
Surely he wouldn’t notice if you wore a disguise, right?
The twigs snapping on the forest floor behind you remove you from your ridiculous plan as a smile immediately graces your face.
“You’re late.” You call, not bothering to turn around, “Did the recruits keep you tied up again?”
There is a bit of silence before a voice answers your question.
“I didn’t realize you were expecting me- although it doesn’t surprise me that Yoongi’s plaything would have a heightened sense of awareness…” The voice is unfamiliar and, it causes your blood to run cold, “…given that she’s canoodling with a monster.”
It all happens so quickly.
Just as you’re about to turn towards the voice, a burly arm is wrapping around your neck. Gasping for air, your hands immediately fly up to claw at your attacker’s forearm.
Panic is rushing through you, your feet kicking around as he attempts to drag you backwards into the trees.
“You really shouldn’t be out in the dark by yourself, pretty.” He snarls into your ear, his breath reeking of alcohol, “There are a lot of maniacs out here…”
You can feel yourself losing consciousness as he tightens his grip on your neck. Your fingernails are desperately digging into his skin, trying to cause him any discomfort that you can.
“I want to see the look on his face-“ Your assailant cackles, “I want to see his reaction to your cold body laying in the place where you first kissed…He thinks he’s strong but-“
You hear him gasp for breath as an unknown force seemingly knocks it out of him. When he releases his grip on your neck, you frantically suck in the air around you, wincing as you fall to your knees.
In your attempt to distance yourself you scramble up against the nearest tree and, just as you’re about to scream for help, you realize that you’re not alone.
A golden dagger sticks out of your attacker’s shoulder as he attempts to get away from the one who threw it: Yoongi.
“Stay right there.” He calls to you gently, his eyes devoid of any emotion.
You are still reeling from nearly being choked to death but, you listen to his command, nonetheless. The man on the floor is dressed in the colors of the royal army and, you gather that he belongs to Yoongi’s battalion- or at least he pretended to.
Yoongi catches him by the hair as he drags him up to his knees. The man is spluttering from the pain, his brows drawn in tightly as he struggles against Yoongi’s grip.
“Do you remember the lesson from this morning, rat?” He ventures, his voice casual and icy cold.
“Y-yes sir…”
Yoongi rips his hair back again so the tip of his nose is facing the sky, “What was it?”
“Ah!” He groans, his hands balling up at his sides, “N-necessities, sir.”
“Necessities- very good.” Yoongi would sound like he was praising him if it weren’t for the heartless smirk painted across his lips. “Now, would you say your head was a necessity?”
As Yoongi asks his question, he unsheathes his sword with his free hand and presses the blade to the man’s throat.
“Yes!” The man practically yelps, his body freezing beneath Yoongi’s grip, “Yes, sir! Very necessary, sir!”
You can’t help but watch in complete shock. There is a part of you that knows Yoongi would never kill someone in front of you but, the way the light has drained from his eyes is forcing you to doubt yourself.
“Oh is it now? What about your throat?”
Yoongi’s expression barely shifts but, you can literally feel the fury emanating off of his figure as he presses the blade further into his skin. Ruby red blood barely peeks out of the man’s skin as he whimpers.
“Yes-“ He chokes out, “It’s necessary! Please! They told me to kill her, I’m just the middleman! If you spare me, I promise I will tell you everything just-“
Yoongi stalls his movements, his eyes flashing towards you for a moment before yanking his head back again, “Who is they?”
Through another pained groan, the man spits out his answer, “The Meddleways sir.”
Although unfamiliar to you, the name seems to affect Yoongi greatly. However, he quickly composes himself and pulls the man upwards by his hair, “Stand up.”
Wincing, the man rushes to his feet, his hands lingering out in front of him with uncertainty.
With his lips curled beneath his fury, Yoongi offers one last eerily calm sentiment in the man's ear, “You are very lucky that I am in the presence of a lady. Had I come across you on my own-” He stops himself, taking a deep breath in through his nose. He shuts his eyes for a moment, collecting the storm inside of him before continuing, “I will put you with your leader after my men are done questioning you. From there, you will make the journey to your trial and, whilst you are on your way- please be sure to thank whatever god you believe in that I am not the one tasked with your punishment.”
Yoongi’s voice is nearly unrecognizable. It’s like a glacier, cold and enormous but, slow moving. It seems to inch into the man’s subconscious as he cowers beneath him.
“Do you understand?” Yoongi confirms to which the man nods immediately, “Good.”
With that final word, he rips the dagger out of the man's shoulder. His yelp is cut short by the handle of said dagger as Yoongi whacks it against the side of his head. The man falls to the ground unceremoniously, his body going limp for the time being.
The events that have transpired, leave you frozen against the bark of your favorite willow tree. Yoongi seems to know something you don’t and, you can’t fight your instinct to ask questions.
“Do you know him?”
Your voice seems to pull Yoongi away from his urges and back to reality. In an instant, he is rushing over to you, his cold gaze defrosting slightly as he assesses your wellbeing.
“Did he touch you?” He mutters, his fingers on the end of your chin, tilting your head to the side.
“Well, he was choking me but-”
Yoongi glowers, his nostrils flaring slightly, “Did he touch you?”
The way he emphasizes the word ‘touch’ gives you the hint that Yoongi is referring to whether or not he violated you.
“No...” You whisper, allowing your fingers to brush against his cheek, “He was only on me for a moment before you found us.”
Yoongi deflates under your touch but, to say that he relaxed would be an overstatement. In fact, it's safe to say that he has never been more tense in his entire life.
“Are you hurt?” His voice breaks at the end as he swallows back his emotions. Before you’re able to answer, Yoongi’s eyes light up with quiet rage all over again, “Your neck- it's going to bruise-”
“Hey-” You coax his gaze up to yours, “I’m safe. You saved me and, I’m safe.”
Your words unfortunately do nothing for him but, he doesn’t want to center this interaction around his fear. Instead, he simply nods and places a tense kiss to the center of your forehead before nodding to the limp figure behind him.
“I need to take him back to the compound, Namjoon and Jimin will get out any information he has. In the meantime, I need you to stay away from here. In fact, don’t go anywhere alone after sunset- not until I can assess the-”
“Let me come with you. I want to know what’s going on-”
Yoongi shakes his head, “No. It’s too dangerous to have you on the compound right now. My entire battalion may be compromised.”
“But Yoongi-”
His eyes grow cold again, “This is not a discussion. A civilian has no place in these matters.”
With his words, he drops his grip on you but just before he steps back, you are shooting a glare his direction.
“Civilian? Is that what you call me now, Min Yoongi?”
Using his full name would be considered disrespectful if the two of you didn’t know each other the way you do but, it still feels foreign coming out of your mouth.
Yoongi technically has authority over you and your entire village. If he wanted to, he could order you to do anything he wishes. Yoongi never exercises his power this way but, he is so overcome with fear that he wants to do anything to protect you. “You know that isn’t what I was implying. Don’t twist my words.”
“Then please feel free to untwist them for me. That term comes with a loaded meaning, and you know it...”
The tension clings in the air between you like moss to a tree. It’s uncomfortable and more importantly, unfamiliar. Yoongi stares you down, his hardened gaze wavering as the seconds pass. His eyes trace each feature of your face with desperation, seeking to memorize your current expression and, not because he is particularly fond of it but, merely because it belongs to you.
Yoongi’s future is not guaranteed and, therefore- neither is his life with you.
So he must memorize it all.
“I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way.” He concedes, his features softening, “I just need some time to sort through my men. I won’t deny your request for information but, I have to gather it first. I am asking you to stay away until then and, its only because I fear for your safety- not because I don’t regard you as my equal.”
His words gnaw at your guard until it disappears and, suddenly you wish to be in his arms. You know both of your reactions came from a place of fear as its woefully unlike the two of you to misunderstand one another.
“I’m scared.” You whisper, “I don’t want to leave your side.”
Yoongi’s heart breaks at the worry written on your beautiful face and, he loathes the unconscious man beside him even more for making you feel this way.
“Come here,” He reaches a hand out towards you and, as soon as you take it, he is pulling you against him. He places a kiss atop your head, allowing his lips to linger for a moment. When he feels your fingers curl into fists around the fabric of his tunic, his eyes squeeze shut.
He is terrified.
“I won’t let anything happen to you ever again, do you understand?” He murmurs, his voice unstable, “I will protect you with my life and, gladly lay it down for your own.”
All you do is nod, burying your face into the crook of his neck, “But you’re going to leave me...”
And for this Yoongi has no response.
Because he will protect you yes, but he will never lie to you.
He is going to leave you and, it will be much sooner than he had planned; there is no use in training the recruits now- as far as he is concerned, they have all gone bad.
“Only my body will leave you.” He answers with another kiss to your head, “The rest of me is bound to you forever.”
----------------------------------------------------
It’s been nearly a day since you’ve seen Yoongi.
After he tied your attacker to a tree, he walked you back home and, fetched the rest of the men for reinforcements.
You have yet to see the man since Yoongi disarmed him but, more importantly, you hadn’t seen any of the battalion.
It was as if they had disappeared overnight.
The only indication of their presence was their horses roaming around the compound. The rest of the men were seemingly confined to their tents, a tactic likely used by the leaders to ensure they kept track of everyone whilst they interrogated the wayward recruit.
But still, it was unnerving.
It gave you another glimpse at what your world would look like very soon. Your life had changed so drastically since Yoongi’s arrival and, you simply weren’t ready to move throughout your day without the promise of meeting him by the river.
But you had to be ready.
You had to be ready a lot sooner than you anticipated.
The day had moved like slugs along the riverbank after the summer heat has dried up parts of its shoreline. Despite the nerves brewing within you and the ache of anticipation all over your body, the clocktower stared back at you defiantly, refusing to move.
Yoongi promised you he would come to your house as soon as he had the information he needed but, you weren’t planning on waiting for him any longer.
It had been nearly twenty-four hours since you were attacked and, without answers, you slowly felt yourself going insane with impatience. Once your wares were packed up and taken home, you strode with determination to the makeshift compound.
Still appearing to be deserted, you don’t have any clues as to which tent to start with first. You opt for the one that the seven men usually stay in and as you approach it, you desperately wish you were here delivering bread.
The illusion of simplicity had been shattered. You were being courted by the leader of the Royal Army and because of this, nothing was never simple to begin with.
You felt foolish for believing otherwise.
Before you’re able to ring the bell outside of the tent, you are met with Yoongi rushing from the opening, still dressed in the same clothes he wore the night prior. Dark rings of exhaustion are positioned around the sockets of his eyes and, his lips look as though they haven’t had a sip of water all day.
He is beautiful but, he looks like hell.
“I had a feeling I wouldn’t need to come looking over you-” He smiles but, it doesn’t reach his eyes. Instead, he offers his arm and jerks his chin towards the trees, “Walk with me?”
This can’t be good.
You nod, interlocking your arm with his and, taking a moment to relish the warmth that still ebbs and flows from him. Even with the gnawing monster of the unknown staring daggers at you in the distance, you feel safe with him.
“Did he keep his promise?” You ask him as the two of you step into the forest. The light shining through the trees is painted the same color as the sunset on the mountains and, if this were a normal meeting between the two of you, you would have admired it. However, the only thing you can focus on is what Yoongi has yet to tell you.
“He did,” He nods.
The promise, of course, refers to the attacker vowing to tell Yoongi anything he wanted to know if he decided to spare his life.
“And?” You cock your head, trying to catch his gaze that seems to be fixated upon the dirt beneath your feet.
If only you knew that he was actually staring at the way your dress billows in the wind, the way the shadows from the leaves bounce off the soft skin of your ankles...
He must memorize it all.
“I have to leave...” He finally says, looking up at you, “...tonight.”
The news is reasonable but, it feels like a cruel joke. You have half a mind to deny him, to lash out and, scold him for toying with you in such a way.
But Yoongi would never lie to you.
Ever.
“Tonight.” You whisper, swallowing the bitter flavor of the word. And almost involuntarily, your hands are curling gently around his forearms in protest, “Why tonight?”
Yoongi can quite literally taste the pain in your voice and, it sickens him; it sickens him because, there is nothing he can do about it.
He leaves his arms in place for you to touch however you want, thoroughly shocked that the desire still manages to coil in his stomach even in the face of such sadness.
“The man who gave me this scar on my face was the leader of a cruel wayward group known as the Meddleways. Years ago, after Namjoon successfully lead them to our army, the leader and I fought to the death. Xansa, was his name. It was the closest I had ever come to losing my life.” Yoongi almost smiles as he feels your grip on him tighten but, he opts for gently caressing beneath your elbows instead, “This group, they had plans to attack the Queen’s capital and assassinate the people who lived there. After the death of their leader however, many of them came to our side- claiming that they were held against their will. There were a small number who escaped and, I foolishly assumed they would dissolve.”
You look up at the scar he speaks of, gazing at the angry strip of marred flesh running down the center of his right eye. In complete silence, you reach up and trace your index finger along the shape of it, letting out a shaky sigh at the thought of someone causing him pain.
“They haven’t.” You conclude whilst Yoongi closes his eyes beneath your touch, “Have they?”
He simply shakes his head as his hands secure themselves round your waist. His eyes stay shut even when you move your hand from his scar to cup his cheek. The skin there is splotchy from the evening breeze and, surprisingly soft. You almost think to question it but, Yoongi is already answering your silent observation.
“Your salve.” He chuckles as his beautiful eyes finally open, “It would be swept up by the people of the capital in no time; it’s a miracle in a tin.”
Allowing just a moment of reprieve, your mind drifts to the not-so-distant future, “Shall I make a career there then? I imagine if you’re retiring, I will be the one providing for us.”
A bit of ego flashes through Yoongi’s eyes, his fingers curling into the fabric of your dress, “My villa is nowhere near the capital. And as for providing for us, I am pleased to inform you that I have enough gold from my military service to last us several lifetimes.”
Good, you think, one lifetime together wouldn’t be enough anyhow.
“Am I to be a housewife then?” You arch your brow, throwing an unimpressed but playful glance his way.
Yoongi smirks, “You are to be whatever you wish. It’s just worth noting that I have the means to take care of us both. Although, I will admit that whilst my retirement will hardly be noticed as there is already someone taking my place, if you chose to retire now that- that would have some dire consequences.”
His compliment, however silly, makes you giggle as you roll your eyes, “Your logic is insanely flawed my dear general however, I will accept your flattery nonetheless.”
Your laughter soothes the rawness in Yoongi’s heart, even if it’s just for a moment. He follows suit, unable to help the small bout of laughter that leaves his lips. But before long, you two seem to settle back into the solemnity of the moment and, you’re asking:
“There after you...aren’t they?”
Yoongi is nodding, his brows drawn tightly together whilst he murmurs, “They are coming for me now. My battalion and I must reconvene and cut them off before they attack here. Xansa is dead but, according to the man who attacked you, there is a new leader, Xansa’s brother. Their objective remains the same: they wish to destroy the peace the Queen’s have built and, exploit the land and it’s people for power.”
To know that not only is Yoongi tasked with defending the lands from violence, but also that he is being targeted specifically, frightens you beyond belief.
“Why can’t you stay hidden? My family will hide you; you could blend in here until they are defeated, I know it isn’t ideal but-” You sound panicked now and, it breaks Yoongi’s heart that he must deny you any reprieve.
“Darling,” He cups your face, his own bottomless gaze searching yours, “There is only one place in the world where I can truly hide. And someday,” A calloused thumb brushes over the apple of your cheek, “I will take you there and, we will live out the rest of our lives. But as of now, anywhere I go- weak minded men will follow, desperate to prove their idea of strength. My head is a trophy to all men who are poisoned by their masculinity.”
“Your head is not a trophy,” You protest but your voice barely reaches above a whisper, weakened by your own despair. For the last time it seems, you brush your fingers against his skin- electrocuted by the sensation, “and you are so much more than the rumors that follow you. So much more...”
Yoongi has to summon all the strength within him to keep his emotions at bay, not wanting to break down in front of you. Instead, he silently brings your lips to his and, presses the softest kiss to your mouth.
He pours everything he wish he had time to say into it, his breathing picking up slightly as you return the passion with everything you have.
The two of you know you have to break it off, especially as you hear the compound finally come to life beside you; they were preparing to leave.
With foreheads pressed together, you are the first one who speaks with bated breath, “Promise you’ll come back to me...”
His hands are on either side of your face now as he centers your focus on his eyes. You had yet to see such silent determination within them since you met and for the moment, it convinces you that his word is golden.
“I will crawl back to you if I have to.”
When you part, you gather that most of Yoongi’s men have already left. It appears that only the main unit and, a group of thirty or so remain in the compound.
“Hyung!” Hoseok calls from the front of the tent, his normally bright expression full of contempt, “It’s time.”
You detest how well their readiness to leave coincides with the end of your conversation but, it almost feels easier this way. Being unable to anticipate the exact point of Yoongi’s departure has allowed you to be suspended in ignorant bliss.
The pain isn’t as drawn out.
Yoongi returns his statement with a tight nod before, turning his attention back to you for the last time.
With all the power in him, he musters up a type of promise one can only convey with their eyes and says, “I’ll meet you back at the river...” He swallows around all of the words he wishes to utter but, with a delicate brush to your cheek, he leaves you with only two, “...my love.”
And suddenly, the world between you is massive once again.
Suddenly, he is a thousand miles from you even though he only moves a few yards away.
You feel frozen in place almost, your cheek burning with the remains of his touch as you try to catch the breath his words stole from you.
Is this really it?
The last guaranteed moments of your incredible connection with a man you could only dream about- is this truly how they end?
You’re standing there longer than you realize because, the next thing you know, you hear the whinny of the last horses and, the sharp commands of Jin’s voice.
Spinning around, you aren’t thinking clearly as you sprint towards the group of men beginning to ride away into the forest.
“General Min!”
You are surprised at how well your voice carries over the noise and, out of the group pops Yoongi riding on the back of a black stallion.
With his gold sword attached to his hip and, his capable hands controlling the reigns, Yoongi brings the movements of his horse to a stop.
“Don’t be late.” You call to him, fresh tears spilling silently from your eyes. But despite the tears, you are smiling- offering some semblance of hope to the two of you.
He chuckles, bowing his head towards you, eyes outlined in red, “Yes ma’am.”
Then he is gone.
And with him goes all of your steam for the time being.
It’s as though the energy has been pulled away from you, leaving you sullen and exhausted regardless of how much rest you’re able to get.
The weeks without Yoongi begin with nightmares. The one you had just before he left seems to haunt your subconscious day in and day out. It’s as if your brain were torturing you with worst case scenarios, preparing you for a world without him.
Without Yoongi.
The night the battalion left, you rushed over to Rachels and, upon her opening her door, you simply collapsed into her arms.
With your head on her shoulder, the two of you cried together. You hated the fact that she understood the pain you were in but, you were happy to have someone relate to.
She understood.
To live such an ordinary life one day, only to fall for a mysterious stranger the next…
And then to have that stranger seem so familiar, to connect so deeply with someone you haven’t known for very long and, then having to say goodbye…
It was a very specific type of pain and, your best friend knew exactly what the sting felt like.
Nearly a month of this passes before you receive something that has your monotone soul seeing color once again: a letter from Yoongi.
A young man, who identifies himself as a royal messenger, shows up at your door with a tightly wrapped piece of parchment that contains enough hope to keep you going for the foreseeable future. This young messenger explains that he was commissioned by the “the Royal General” to deliver two letters to this village every month until his return.
Two letters meaning, one to you and of course, one to the beloved schoolteacher next door.
The thought of Rachel getting to hear from Jungkook makes your heart sing.
Trying to contain the tears in your eyes, you thank the messenger profusely before practically tripping over your own feet as you rush back to your bedroom. You waste no time in removing the protective fabric from the letter, your shaky hands nearly ripping the corner of the parchment.
Y/N,
I know we didn’t discuss writing to one another but, I couldn’t handle not contacting you in some way. Thankfully, I’m privileged enough to have access to the royal messengers and, they have promised me they would deliver my letters until I return. Are you staying healthy? I know how cold it must be getting where you live. Please reassure me that you’re staying warm so, I can stop obsessing over it.
Our men have been successful so far. We’ve encountered many obstacles but, we have the strategies to hold our own. Most of my days have been spent working on a pathway out of this mess but, we have been unable to find the new leaders of the Meddleways. The Queens are aware and have sent reinforcements but, we still have a long way to go.
Not to worry, I still plan on keeping my promises to you. It’s the only thing that keeps me alert most of the day as I haven’t been able to sleep as much as I’d like to. Our time at the river spoiled me, I didn’t realize how much energy I was getting from your lips. Sleep depravity meant nothing when I was with you.
Yours,
Yoongi.
By the time you finish the letter, a teardrop is regretfully staining the center of the page. Frantically, you wipe it from the parchment before it’s able to blur the ink placed there by your lover. The indents from his lettering are the only piece of him you have so, you press your fingers to the page in an effort to feel closer to him.
Over and over, you read the words he wrote, overcome with gratitude that he would go to such lengths to have this message delivered to you. By the time you’ve read it for the tenth time, your mother is calling you from the other room, signaling supper is ready.
You have no interest in eating at this moment but, you know that family dinners aren’t something you’ll be able to enjoy once Yoongi returns. So, you decide to file your thoughts away for later and join your parents in the main room.
The meal your mother prepared takes a lot of time and effort so, you insist on cleaning up after the three of you finish eating and, send your parents to bed early. They work so hard and, deserve all of the rest in the world.
After cleaning up the kitchen, you eagerly return to your room to draft your response to Yoongi.
General Min,
I am pleased to report that I have not one but, two woolen blankets at my disposal. You can put your obsessions regarding my warmth to rest for the time being. Other than missing you, my health has kept up just fine since you left. The village is preparing for a rainy season as we do every year but, I’m actually quite excited for the storms.
It’s good to know the Queens are supporting your mission as I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to track down such a volatile group. Nevertheless, my faith in your abilities is still strong. If anyone were able to apprehend them, it would be you. In regard to your sleep deprivation, I can only offer you my energy from afar. I visit the river every night since you’ve been gone and, I find myself leaning against our tree, wishing that it was you who was pressing me into it.
Continue to think of my lips, General. They will be all over you before you know it.
I cannot wait to hear from you again,
Y/N
A smirk is on your lips as you seal your letter with melted wax, hoping that your wayward tongue motivates him to keep going. The promise of finally being able to consummate your passion for one another burns brightly within you and, you can only hope he will feel the same.
The messenger had explained to you that he would return for your letter in the morning as he had other deliveries in the area. That night, you slept particularly well and, for once you were able to dream of something peaceful.
As promised, the man returns to your home the next morning to collect your letter and with a tip of his hat, he assures you that he will return the same time next month.
And he certainly does but, it seemingly comes at the cost of said month dragging on endlessly. However, when the messenger shows up at your home, you are quick to forget the last four weeks and, instead just focus on the small piece of Yoongi waiting for you. Before the boy continues on, a nagging question enters your mind and, you are stopping him before he reaches Rachel’s house.
“Excuse me, I hate to pry but, have you been in contact with the general at all?”
He offers a small smile as he shakes his head, “No, ma’am. The general leaves his letters at one of my many posts throughout this land. I met with him only once but, he specifically instructed me not to come looking for him if he didn’t leave anything for me to deliver; he said it was too dangerous.”
This frightens you as it comes ripened with the devastating possibility of Yoongi being incapacitated in some way. Of course it isn’t the man’s intention to worry you and rather than unloading all your anxieties onto him, you merely smile back and thank him for his time.
Before he knocks on Rachel’s door, you also learn his name and, silently scold yourself for not thinking to do so sooner.
He tells you his name is Hyunjin and, expresses his gratitude for your business before leaving you alone to read your letter.
Y/N,
I am trying to find the words to properly convey how many times I re-read your letter and, all of the ways I managed to use it, without sounding crude, but then I remembered that my Y/N doesn’t really care much for decency does she? So I shall be candid for once…
It’s very late when I’m writing my response and, I am overwhelmed with my desire for you. It’s quite sickening actually. I feel lightheaded when I think of us alone together.
Never in my entire life have I wanted someone so badly.
I wish I could see you somehow. Jungkook draws pictures of Rachel on every surface he can but, I don’t possess the artistic abilities he does. My attempts to draw you would be insulting. Although, I wouldn’t commission anyone to illustrate you either; They would mess it up somehow.
How has your month been? Are you still baking bread as often now that my greedy battalion is away?
Yours,
Yoongi
You are immediately transported back to your schoolyard days as you squeal into your bedsheets at his confessions. Yoongi truly had a way of saying everything you needed to hear in only a few words. More notably, he had a way of speaking so passionately; it took your breath away.
Feeling full of unbridled optimism, you pull out a fresh piece of parchment and your ink to begin drafting your response to him.
General Min,
I can’t help but wish you had been a bit cruder. Next time, feel free to include all of the way you used my words; it would comfort me to know that I am tending to your needs from so far away.
It seems as though you and I share the same illness. I can’t help but, think of you in the same light every evening when I’m trying to sleep. I only wish I was able to dream of you the same way, I’m certain I would wake up feeling much more rested.
Are there any updates on your progress? It’s been three months and, yet I feel as though it’s been twice as long. Are you feeling alright? Are you able to find adequate shelter?
I’m sorry for the interrogation but, I can’t help myself when I begin worrying about you.
Tell Jungkook that Rachel draws him as well. Every time I visit her at home, she is shoving one of her pictures into dress pocket. She thinks I don’t notice but, I most certainly do.
What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t know when she was in love?
In regards to the bread, I am baking slightly less than I was before but, I still find myself adding in extra ingredients for you all every now and then.
I’ve gone on long enough but, I still have so much more to say.
Just know, I miss you terribly.
Love,
Y/N
Hyunjin returns again the following morning and, graciously accepts your letter before heading on his way. When you hand him the parchment full of late night confessions, you truly think nothing of it.
Despite the longing you felt for Yoongi, you had grown used to looking forward to his letters. In a way, it was almost as if he were much closer than he actually was. The letters made you feel like he were writing to you from the capital while he was away on business rather than out in the middle of the battlefield.
But that didn’t change the reality.
Yoongi was out in the battlefield and, things were growing far more complicated than he was letting on.
“Hyung, we can’t keep evading their fire. They are going to catch up to us eventually.”
Yoongi has been trying to write his response to you for over an hour and, every time he sits down to do so- he is interrupted.
This time, the interruption comes from Hoseok who stumbles into the tent, sore from yesterday’s battle.
“Yes they will,” He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “and when they do, we will lead them to the outskirts of the capital where the Queen’s have established reinforcements.”
“Aren’t you worried they will strike before then? We have already lost-“
Yoongi interrupts him now, trying his best to control the frustration and pain in his tone, “I am aware. I write down every single one of their names. That does not change my plan. We will not engage unless we absolutely have to. I don’t want to see another village go down beneath our fire.”
Hoseok is dissatisfied with his answer but, he knows better than to question Yoongi when he is like this.
“What is our plan for tomorrow, hyung? Are we moving to a new area?” Jimin asks quietly, his tired eyes barely lingering open as he runs his fingers through Taehyung’s hair. His head is positioned in Jimin’s lap whilst his injured body tries to recuperate; everyone was losing their steam. “I don’t know if Taehyung should be travelling right now. He might have to ride on the back of my horse if we must move on…”
Yoongi’s chest tightens as he sees the state of his men.
The most prestigious army is now littered with bruises and open wounds. There isn’t a single muscle in their bodies that doesn’t feel strained or damaged in some way and, he doesn’t even remember the last time they had a proper meal.
Clutching his quill in his fist, he nods solemnly at Jimin’s comment, “You are probably right. I will walk the perimeter with the rest of our men tonight before bed and if all is clear, he can camp out an extra day whilst he heals.”
Jimin offers a small smile in return that only just reaches his eyes, “Thank you, hyung.”
He nods tightly, adjusting the grip on his quill before continuing to write; he has so much he wants to tell you. He wants to cry out to you in his letter but, he doesn’t want to worry you. Instead, he’d rather pretend like everything is alright, like the two of you are merely star-crossed lovers sneaking around after dark and, writing in code to communicate with one another without being caught.
He wants to pretend like he is anyone else but most of all, he wishes to pretend to be the man he promised you he would be.
But, he won’t lie to you.
He can’t.
Y/N,
This might be the last time you hear from me for a while. Things are growing extremely difficult for my men and I. We must now focus all of our efforts on making it to the outskirts of the capital safely so, that we have the reinforcements we need.
My entire body aches for you, Y/N. There is no comfort for me aside from your letters.
And as much as it pains me to say it, I am beginning to fear that I might not make it home to you. I have yet to express this to my men because, I don’t want to worry them. I just don’t know what our future holds anymore.
We have sustained so many losses.
I don’t want to worry you either but, I am only doing so because, I need you to know something. My need for you to understand this overcomes my need to make you comfortable.
I love
BANG.
With a flash of fire, the tent Yoongi resides in is quickly overwhelmed with chaos.
And as he hears the desperate calls of his men, he knows he has no choice but to abandon his words to you and, fight.
Or else he and his men are doomed.
---------------------------------------
There wasn’t a particular day Hyunjin arrived but, you did expect him to come some time during the middle of the month. However, the middle of the month comes and goes without a word from him and, while you find this to be quite odd, you chose to think nothing of it.
Yoongi was in the middle of a lengthy mission, it was a miracle you had been able to hear from him as much as you did.
However, when the second month passes without word from him- you begin to feel the tidal wave of panic swelling inside of you.
You feel idiotic for getting sucked into the romance of letter writing. It had convinced you, only for a moment, that there was nothing at stake.
But this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Everything was on the line.
How could you lessen your vigilance?
Yoongi could very well be in a grave danger somewhere and, you would never know.
Does he have arrangements for such a thing?
Did he consider this?
Of course he did, you think, as you begin to choke back your tears.
He has seen more carnage than you could ever imagine; he most certainly thought of informing you of his passing.
So maybe this is a sign to be hopeful.
Maybe this means that he is merely stuck somewhere or far too busy to send letters.
With an almost delusional sense of certainty, you furiously wipe your hand across your face and, try to gather yourself.
Today was a busier day at the market so, you desperately hoped things would move quickly.
For once, you are lucky enough to have your wish granted.
The next month however, isn’t so merciful.
Every day is the same. You wake up, try to muster up a smile, pack your wares and sell in the plaza. You bring Rachel her snacks and, the two of you eat in silence before it becomes too much and, you both end up crying.
She hasn’t heard from Jungkook either.
It’s been three months and, you have heard nothing about the whereabouts of the men you intended to be with for the rest of your lives. It’s as if the world is turned upside down and, you spend the majority of your time thinking the worst.
The next morning however, you are granted the briefest moment of respite when Hyunjin knocks at your door. You barely manage to pull on your coat when you yank open the door and, beam at his presence.
“Thank goodness, I was so worried-“ You are cheering for only a second until you catch a glimpse of his expression.
“Good morning ma’am. I’m sorry to have disturbed you but, I felt it was my duty to give you an update on the General…”
Your blood is cold and still within your veins and, the sickening feeling of grief begins crawling its way through your senses.
“We haven’t heard from his battalion for months now. The Queens have sent out a league of experts to find them but, we have yet to-“ He swallows back his nerves as he sees the look on your face, “-we have yet to be successful.”
The tears are unstoppable as they quickly flood the sockets of your eyes. Your hand feels clammy whilst it grips your door frame, your whole body growing numb with each word he utters.
“This doesn’t mean the worst, ma’am. The Tiger’s army is well known for disappearing like this, it’s part of their strategy. I just didn’t want you to be left wondering why I didn’t return. When I went to the postal location, nothing was waiting for me.”
With a shaky and unrecognizable voice, you ask, “Not from Jungkook either?”
He frowns, looking at you with pity, “Nothing, ma’am. There are normally hundreds of letters for me to deliver and, I didn’t find a single one.”
Regardless of his attempt to comfort you, you knew exactly what this meant: something was horribly wrong.
You couldn’t even manage to think of the word but, all of your terrifying nightmares containing Yoongi begin to flood your subconscious. It's all you can think about now.
“I promise to update you as soon as I hear from them, ma’am.” Hyunjin feels immensely uncomfortable delivering this news and, he is eager to return home as quickly as possible.
All you can manage is a nod before you robotically begin closing your door, “Thank you, Hyunjin.”
Thankfully, your parents are out for the day so, you’re able to shut the door quietly before sliding against it, allowing a broken sob to leave your lips.
You knew in your heart that the likelihood of Yoongi and his battalion being safe was next to nothing. The lack of his letters had been evidence enough but, you wanted to remain hopeful, you wanted to convince yourself that he was just busy.
But you were lying to yourself.
Cupping your hand around your mouth, you let out all of the emotion you couldn’t relinquish in front of Hyunjin. Your eyes burn as your tears stain your cheeks, your lips parted in a silent scream. With your body shaking, you cry for the life you were never able to have and, for the man you were never able to love.
That evening, your mother helps you into bed. She understands when you refuse supper even though she made your favorite. She lets you cry in her lap like you did when you were a little girl only this time, you weren’t crying over schoolyard bullies.
You don’t leave your bed for two weeks. The only time you have contact with anyone other than your parents is when Rachel finally decides to drop by to check on you. Of course, the feeling had been mutual and, just as you had before, the two of you spend most of your time crying together.
Once she decides to leave, you are once again left alone with your thoughts, all of which are of Yoongi. Today in particular, you are remembering his hands and, the first time you intertwined fingers.
“Why are you looking at my hands?” You had asked him
“Because I want to hold them.”
His voice echoes in your mind now as fresh tears find their way out of your eyes for the millionth time and, it’s this memory that prompts you to visit the river.
You hadn’t been back since Hyunjin came to deliver the news. The thought of going there alone sent a deep sadness through you but, part of you felt like it might be a good idea.
If you were to ever truly mourn him properly, you would have to grieve every piece of your time together.
Wrapping yourself up in your winter coat, you make the short journey towards a place you once called your favorite spot in the world. At first, it was because of the inner peace it had brought you but once Yoongi came into the picture, it took on a whole new meaning.
The rain had stopped hours ago so other than a bit of extra mud and a much colder breeze, the river looked just as it did during the summer.
Securing your coat tighter around yourself, you sniffle whilst looking out towards the river. The palette of the sunset is reflecting off the water and, bouncing against the ground beneath your feet. If it had been under any other circumstances, you would have felt content here. You would be collecting herbs, humming to yourself, speaking with the forest creatures- despite their lack of understanding you but...
Most importantly, you would be waiting for Yoongi.
The thought once again causes you to cry as your brain tries to conceptualize a world without him.
It seems so impossible.
...
“So- is this where the tree bark grows?”
Your eyes widen and you turn around so quickly you nearly fall over. As if out of a fairytale, General Min Yoongi stands just beneath the entrance to the river, dressed head to toe in his strongest armor. His hair is slightly messy and framing either side of his face and his mouth is portraying a brilliant smile.
He’s alive.
You’re crying harder now, frozen in place as you call to him, playing out the first time you two met here,
“You of all people should know not to ambush someone like that...”
If you aren’t mistaken, you see him sniffle as the smile on his face only grows, “I’m sorry, I’m late ma’am...”
His voice breaks at the end and the next thing you know, you are running. Opening his arms, he braces himself for you and, as you crash into him- he uses all of his strength to lift you off the ground. Spinning in a circle, he chuckles fondly when you start placing kisses anywhere you can reach: his cheeks, his lips, his nose, his forehead, his chin...
It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s him.
“You bastard!” You cry to him which only causes him to laugh harder, “I thought you were dead I- I thought you were...”
He stops spinning as his gloved hands come up to cup your face, his eyes wet with the slightest evidence of tears, “Shhh I know, I’m so sorry- I tried everything to reach you but, it wasn’t safe...”
You’re shaking your head, your hands coming up to rest over his, needing to feel every part of him, “It doesn’t matter- you're here now.” You say the phrase but then suddenly, you are overcome with a sickening feeling. What if you were just imagining this? What if you had simply dreamed of him? With a desperate glance, you press your hands into his harder, searching his eyes, “You are here aren’t you? Like- you're really here? You came back to me?”
Yoongi’s expression crumbles, his thumb brushing over your cheek, “I am, my love. I am here- this is the only place I know now.”
Sniffling again, you lean in towards his lips, your mind completely fuzzy with emotion, “Show me, show me you’re here.”
He takes the hint, closing the distance between you and, tucking his mouth into yours. It’s a much harder kiss than you’re expecting but, you relish in it nonetheless. Yoongi’s lips taste like medicine to you, all of your pain melting away beneath his touch. He sighs shakily as he presses your body into the cool steel of his armor, slightly wishing that he had been able to wash up before coming to see you.
It’s been a long journey.
“You’re here...” You whisper into the kiss, your hands tracing over his features, “You kept your promise...”
Yoongi is nodding, pecking at your lips over and over again, “I told you I would crawl didn’t I?” When you nod, he continues, “Well I crawled, darling. I crawled all the way back to you...”
You pull back slightly, unable to get enough of his face, your fingers coming up to brush the hair from his face. Elated, you laugh breathlessly, a smile burned onto your mouth.
“You will never have to crawl again, General Min. It is now my life-long mission to make sure you are in a warm bed with a full belly for the rest of your life.”
Yoongi beams at your sentiment, his eyes lighting up along with his grin whilst his hands slide down your body before settling on your hips, “I love you.”
There it is.
Those three little words that have been etched in your mind for longer than they should have been.
Gripping his face between your palms, you are bringing his mouth down towards you once again, “I love you too.”
After much more kissing, Yoongi mentions that he hasn’t eaten properly in quite a while and, that he has a few things to discuss with you before you can leave with him. You insist that he can use your family’s bathing area to wash up and, that you will pick up clothes for him in the plaza; the armor he’s wearing looks incredibly uncomfortable.
The two of you decide to visit the local tavern as it will be a good place for Yoongi to eat and, update you on what’s going on. He does specifically mention however, that he doesn’t want to speak of what he’s just been through. He only assures you that all six of his leaders survived and, that the Meddleways had been apprehended. He promises you that he will tell you stories from the mission later down the line but for now, he only wishes to speak about your future together.
However, there is one question that’s been nagging at you since he arrived that is slightly off-topic.
“Is Jungkook here?” You take your seat at the table across from him, slightly hating how far apart the two of you are.
Yoongi grins, a bit of fondness in his eyes, “He wouldn’t even wait for me to get out of the chariot before he was already sprinting like a mad man towards her home.”
You feel overjoyed at the thought of how your best friend’s day is going. The grief hit the two of the same way so, you hope she is feeling all of the happiness you felt when you realized the man you loved returned home.
“Are the four of us riding in the chariot together then? You might need to stay in town for a few days if that’s the case- I can throw all of my worldly possessions into a trunk but, Rachel would need more time to prepare.”
Yoongi reaches out for your hand then, smiling as you instinctively lace your fingers between his, “The chariot only has room for two, I’m afraid. My brother has decided to stay here for the time being. I think this final mission was especially hard on him, he’s expressed that he just wants to stay in one place for awhile.”
This resolution warms your heart. The idea of Rachel and, Jungkook making a quiet life for themselves in your home village, brings you so much joy. In many ways, it seems as though they had found a home in each other and, you couldn’t wait to see what their future held.
“I couldn’t imagine a more perfect scenario for the two of them. Although, I do know someday Rachel wishes to leave the village…I’m sure they will work out the details when the time is right.”
“My brother has already insisted that he will build her a house with his bare hands,” He chuckles, “so, at least she doesn’t have to worry about finding a carpenter.”
“What a gentleman.” You giggle before taking a sip of your drink.
Yoongi squeezes your hand gently, acknowledging your sentiment before eagerly moving back to what he wanted to discuss with you.
“My villa has been prepared for the two of us whenever we are ready. We have an entire battalion waiting to escort us there but, we will have to return to the capital after a few days.”
“Retirement ceremony?” You venture with a smile to which he chuckles and, shakes his head.
“I opted out of the theatrics actually. As much as I appreciate the sentiment, those ceremonies last far too long. I am just eager to start my life with you. However,” He sighs, wincing slightly, “my successor doesn’t seem to feel the same way. He wants his full induction ceremony which of course, I would have to attend...”
You cock your head, “Who is your successor?”
Yoongi smirks, “Seokjin-hyung.”
This doesn’t surprise you. Jin is the oldest member of the lead battalion and although Yoongi was technically their general, Jin never failed to assert himself as his right hand.
“I thought the seven of you were retiring this year. Did he re-enlist?”
Yoongi shakes his head, “No, he is taking on the position I turned down.”
You cock your head, brow furrowed with confusion, “Oh? What position is that?”
A rather arrogant look flashes in his eyes for just a moment until he seemingly reigns it in, attempting to keep his tone as casual as possible, “I was asked to serve on the royal council as an advisor to the Queens…”
Its impossible to hide the widening of your eyes causing Yoongi to chuckle at the expression on your face, “You must have made quite the impression, General Min. My father has always told me that positions on the royal council are passed down by blood…you really turned it down?”
Yoongi merely squeezes your hand, “I did. Do you think I was mistaken?”
You shake your head, “Oh, of course not. I mean- selfishly, it’s the outcome I would have hoped for but, I just want to ensure that you didn’t do this for me.”
A small grin comes over his lips whilst his thumb brushes over the backs of your knuckles, “Unfortunately, I can’t exactly guarantee that, ma’am. I don’t think any of my decisions are made without you in mind…” You open your mouth to protest and, Yoongi merely chuckles again, holding his finger up to signal that he isn’t finished, “However, even if I didn’t have you in mind- I still would have turned it down. As flattering as the offer was, I don’t wish to work in this field any longer. I’m grateful for my time and, honored that I was able to serve my land properly but-“ He stares into your eyes and, you can finally get a look at how exhausted he is, “I’m very tired. I’ve spent my entire youth with a sword on my hip and, I want to live simply now. If I’m being honest, I want to be detached from the rest of the world for a little while...”
You admire the man sitting across from you so much.
He’s only ever given to others, laying his life on the line over and over again, only to have his reputation constantly called into question. Staring at him now, you can’t even remember a time when he was nothing more than a rumor.
“I can’t even imagine the hardships you’ve endured. Your desire for peace is only natural after everything you’ve been through.” You place a kiss on the back of his hand, allowing your lips to linger there as he responds.
“What I desire is you.” He counters, his voice slightly raspier than before, “Peace will just allow me to indulge in you properly. I want no distractions... just as I told you before.”
Yoongi’s voice is laced with something that is wholly inappropriate for a public setting but, neither of you seem to care- instead you just stare at each other for a moment. You watch as his eyes travel over every inch of your face before slowly easing down your neck and, back up again.
The pain of missing him is one thing but, the lack of opportunity to bury into one another is physically painful.
You clear your throat and, send a smirk his way, letting him know that you understand what he’s getting at, “Did you offer the position to Seokjin? Or was he just next in line after you?”
Yoongi leaves his lust in the back of his head for now. He doesn’t want to rile himself up in the middle of the busy tavern.
“The Queens offered him the position when I turned it down. He was named my successor a few years ago when I fell ill so, he was already in a position to take over for me if necessary. Out of all of my men, he is the most capable but, also the most willing.” He chuckles, thinking fondly of his hyung, “He will do a far better job than I would anyhow. He is much more social and, outspoken. Plus, he will be living in the palace- I couldn’t imagine a better life for such a man.”
The warmth in Yoongi’s tone is palpable and, you can’t help but admire the way he talks about his men; its as though they are family to him.
“To Seokjin,” You smile, raising your glass.
Yoongi follows suit, clinking the rim of his goblet yours, his eyes brightening, “To Seokjin.”
As the two of you sip from your cups, Yoongi continues on with his explanation, “The journey to the villa will be brief. We will visit the palace for the ceremony in a few days and, then make our way back home again. From there, we are free to do whatever we wish.” The word home fills you with bliss. For the first time in months, it seems as though everything was falling into place. Now, the two of you could truly be together and, live out the rest of your days in peace.
“Free-“ You muse with a smile, “I quite like the sound of that.”
He smirks, “Of course you do. You have never failed to remind me that you don’t care much for the rules…”
Shrugging, you lean back in your chair and regard him for a moment before replying, “I don’t care for the rules that keep me away from you, General.”
His smirk never falters, “Consider them retired then, apothecary.”
The two of your resist the urge to maul one another in public and, decide to return to your home so that you can pack up your things and, Yoongi can bathe.
You try very hard not think of the fact that Yoongi’s naked body is on display in your back garden as you neatly fold your belongings away in your trunk. There are some things that you’re leaving behind so, that your parents can continue to sell your wares if they wanted to. Yoongi has arranged for them to receive part of his retirement so, they never have to worry about working again. It’s been discussed that the two of you will visit often and, you promised your parents you would write them every week.
Yoongi returns from his bath whilst you’re shoving the last of your clothing away. You can smell him immediately, the scent of your lavender soap wafting away from his skin as he walks toward you. He says nothing until his arms are wrapped around your waist, his chin coming to rest atop your shoulder, “I’ve never been in here before but, your room is very much like what I pictured.”
“Oh?” You lean against him, “I didn’t realize you would imagine what my room would look like.”
You feel him grin against your shoulder, “Well- I suppose I thought more about what we would do in your room…”
Biting your lip, you turn your head to the side to get a better look at him, “And what exactly would we do in here?”
You have half a mind to check to make sure Yoongi had closed the door to your bedroom but, when his hands start sliding up the front of your body, you no longer care.
“I would have love to take you in this bed…” A low chuckle comes from his throat as he starts kissing up the side of your neck, “Although, I wouldn’t be able to make you scream properly with your parents in the next room would I?”
His words send a jolt of electricity up your spine, your body growing weak beneath his touch. Through your nose, you emit a deep and unstable sigh before gripping his hands that are resting just under your breasts.
“You could have kept my mouth occupied somehow-“ You counter, feeling your attitude brewing beneath the surface of your patience.
At your comment, you feel Yoongi’s grip tighten on you as he moves his lips to your ear, “Excuse me?”
But all you do is smirk in return, regretfully pulling his hands from your body so you can continue packing.
“You’re excused.”
Yoongi is about to grab you again but, the knock on your door interrupts your flirting.
This seems to be a very irritating trend.
The two of you eventually part ways with your parents and, although you feel a bit of sadness, you’re overjoyed that they are able to live their life together in comfort. And because of Yoongi’s connections, you will be able to come visit them whenever you want.
The sexual tension between you and Yoongi has yet to fully fizzle out and, he reminds you of this as he grips your waist whilst the two of you walk towards Rachel’s home.
He has many things he’d like to say to you after that comment you made back in your bedroom but, the excited greetings from villagers prevent him from doing so. And all the while, you continue to grin, pleased that you’ve been able to pierce that carefully crafted demeanor of his.
You scamper away from him as you near Rachel’s front door, eager to see your friend after everything that has happened today. You’re anxious to see Jungkook too; Yoongi mentioned that this mission had been hard on him so, you’re hoping more so than anything that he isn’t injured too badly.
Yoongi lingers extremely close behind you as you knock on Rachel’s door, practically bouncing in your steps as you await for her to answer.
And boy does she…
Swinging open the front door, Rachel is still giggling at the man seemingly attached to her from behind. Her hair is absolutely destroyed and, her dress is buttoned up improperly as she addresses the two of you.
“Good evening, Y/N-“ She practically slurs, her eyes lit up with the type of insobriety that does not originate from alcohol. She bows her head towards Yoongi, “Good evening, General Min.”
Your lips are parted in delighted surprise as you survey the two bumbling humans before you. Jungkook is dressed only in his linen trousers, his black tendrils sticking in every direction atop his head and, from what you can see- his neck is littered with various reds and purples.
“Good evening to you- harlot…” You chide, trying to contain your laughter.
She shrieks, reaching out to smack your arm, just as she always does, joy painted all over her face, “Excuse you! I am a respectable woman of education.”
“Uh huh-“ You smirk, unconvinced before nodding towards the man behind her. He’s not even really paying attention to you, his eyes are just staring up at your friend like a lost puppy, his lips swollen from their previous activities, “Jungkook, it’s good to see you. Are you well?”
He merely smiles, only glances at you for a moment before his eyes rush back to Rachel, “Very well, thank you.”
Yoongi clears his throat, “Jungkook-ah,” He scolds, “Answer her properly…also, why are you answering the door if you aren’t decent.”
Jungkook seems to snap out of it, hiding behind Rachel in an effort to shield his body from your view, “My apologies. I’m feeling much better now, I’m glad to see you are looking healthy as well.” His tone shifts once again as he addresses Yoongi, his brown eyes lighting up with mischief, “I just wanted to see you off hyung and, uh- Rachel said this was decent in this village, I’m just adapting to the new lifestyle.”
Yoongi raises a brow, unconvinced but endeared nonetheless, “I am highly suspicious of that explanation…”
Jungkook giggles like a boy who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, “You should be.” He winks at his hyung, giggling harder as Yoongi wrinkles his nose in disgust. He rests his chin back upon Rachel’s shoulder before speaking again, “Are you two heading to the villa then?”
You’re grinning now, admiring how relaxed Jungkook seems around her, “We are. I was hoping to hug my best friend goodbye before we made the journey…”
Jungkook gets the hint, his eyes widening a bit as he reluctantly moves his arms from her, “I will give you thirty seconds.”
This causes Rachel to laugh, waving him off playfully as she opens her arms to you, “Come here you…”
You throw your arms around her, smiling even as the tears sting the corners of your eyes, “I’m going to miss you… far more than I care to admit…”
She laughs again, patting your back gently, “Oh you know I’ll be around…” She assures you but, her voice is tightening with her own emotions, “…but please make the journey to me often…I fear how stale this village will become without you.”
You’re looking at Jungkook now as he grins softly, admiring the two of you and, send a look his way, “I’m sure this one will keep you properly entertained…”
Finally, the Jungkook you remember returns as he seems to shy away from your comment, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment.
Rachel is staring at Yoongi too and, she musters up the courage to throw a pointed finger in his direction; she is still slightly intimidated by him after all.
“You’ll take care of her, won’t you? She is precious cargo, General Min.”
Yoongi tips his head toward her as he chuckles, placing his hand over his heart, “You have my word, ma’am.”
Rachel smiles, sniffling a bit as the two of you release each other, “Good.” You pull away from her, trying not to give in to your urge to cry as you both sort of giggle, exchanging a series of knowing glances with one another.
“I love you, my dear friend.” You squeeze her hands and, she returns the gesture, her eyes glossy while she slowly begins to release your hands.
“I love you.”
Jungkook is back on her then, his brow furrowed with concern at her saddened state. He says nothing, not wanting to ruin the moment between you two and, chooses to press a soft kiss to her shoulder instead.
Yoongi moves closer to you as well, winding his arm around your waist and, squeezing your hip reassuringly.
“Write to me?” Rachel asks, trying to mask the cracks in her voice.
You nod, blinking back the remainder of your tears, “Every week.”
Leaving Rachel is one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do but, it feels so much better knowing how happy she will be. Yoongi stays silent for the moment, gently escorting you down the street, waving at many of the civilians that bid the two of you farewell.
Roughly 10 minutes later, the two of you are huddled in the back of a massive wooden chariot, pulled along by four black horses and accompanied by a group of guards. The interior is lined with padded silk and, is easily the softest thing you’ve ever sat on in your life. After the two of you are settled inside, Yoongi mentions your departure with Rachel:
“You two have a special bond, I’m sorry that you won’t be living near her for the time being…” He feels guilty for the moment, wondering whether or not you were happy giving up so much for him, “You know, we can always come back. I could commission the architect to design us a home out here.”
You squeeze his hand, touched that he would suggest such a thing, “I appreciate your concern but, I promise you that I am beyond content with my decision.”
His lips curve slightly, feeling satisfied with your answer for the time being. He would be sure to check in with you often, the last thing he wants is for you to feel unfulfilled.
“I’m happy to hear that but, please don’t hesitate to let me know if you ever get tired of me.” He chuckles, squeezing your hand as the two of you approach the chariot.
“I promise you, you would know...” You assure him, nudging his leg with your foot. Yoongi grins and quick as ever, he grabs your ankle and, places it upon his lap. The sudden motion makes you jump, a bit of laughter coming from your lips. Silently but still grinning to himself, he gestures for your other foot with his hand until you get the hint to rest both of them in his lap. He looks down at them, something unreadable flashing through his eyes whilst his fingers brush over the tops of your ankles.
Its such a simple gesture and, yet it sends shivers across the surface of your skin. Yoongi continues to touch you, not saying a single word as he traces the faint shape of the veins beneath your flesh. Resting your head against the silk lining of the chariot, you allow your eyes to close in order to enjoy his touch. As your lids fall shut, Yoongi grins softly, finally allowing himself to ogle at you the way he wants to.
And oh, can you feel his eyes on you. They burn into your skin despite the fact that you cannot see exactly where he is looking. Truthfully, it wouldn’t matter even if you did, his eyes were everywhere.
His fingers slowly venture up to slide along either of your shins but, he is careful not to reach your knees just yet. And it's here that you decide to set your curiosity free.
“When was the last time you had sex?”
You feel his motions stop for a split second as he processes your question, the silence of the chariot much louder than before.
“Not long before I first arrived at your village.”
The effort to hide your frown is in vain as Yoongi’s rickety laughter gives you the hint that he’s already spotted it.
“Does that upset you?”
You keep your eyes shut, trying to stifle your smile, “Immensely.”
And there is another beat of silence before the two of you are laughing together. Yoongi flattens his palms on your legs, rubbing them gently in an effort to soothe them.
“I suppose that’s reasonable.” He concedes, his tone thoroughly amused, “And you?”
Your teeth are on your bottom lip then, trying to stifle yet another smile, “Not long before you first arrived at my village.”
Yoongi is pinching the skin of your calf playfully as an affronted scoff leaves his lips, “I see what you mean now, that is a truly upsetting answer.”
At long last you open your eyes and, the two of you regard each other for only a moment before you’re laughing again. It feels quite juvenile to jest about something like this but to you, it’s merely a testament of your comfort around Yoongi.
“I guess it sounds odd on my end though, doesn’t it? Since I’ve been so insistent on waiting with you...”
You shake your head, “I don’t think so. I never assumed you insisted on waiting because you were protecting a virtue of some kind. You are a 28-year-old man, it would be silly of me to think that you hadn’t taken a partner before.”
“Taking a partner sounds far too intimate...” He retorts, “...my reputation caused many people to throw themselves at me in attempt to satisfy some sort of fantasy. Occasionally, my physical needs made me privy to their advances. But, that’s all it ever amounted to.”
It does sadden you that people interacted with Yoongi in this way. If they had taken just a moment to get to know him, they would have discovered someone worth spending their time on. In your case, spending a life time with...
You’re adjusting your position so that you’re able to get closer to him. With your feet off of his lap, you move across the seat until you sitting right beside him. His arm immediately positions itself around your shoulders, hugging you against him whilst your fingers venture towards the free hand now resting in his lap. Silently, you run your fingers over his skin, not missing the way his breathing shifts as you do.
“I am exceptionally grateful that you allowed me to get to know you. I don’t think I could have been this happy with anyone else.”
Your voice is smaller than normal and, it makes Yoongi feel warm inside, his head cocking in such a way to signal that he wants you to look at him.
“The pleasure has been all mine, ma’am- I can assure you.”
He leans into to kiss you then, barely capturing your lips before he’s pulling away to rest his forehead against yours. In the small beat of silence, you choose to utter the words you’ll be saying every chance you get for the rest of your life,
“I love you.”
And with a brilliant smile and, a kiss to your nose, he is whispering, “I love you too.”
On the rest of the journey, Yoongi updates you on the status of the rest of his battalion:
Seokjin, as he mentioned earlier, is making arrangements to move into the royal palace as he will be taking the coveted position of the royal advisor to the Queens. Yoongi also explains that he will likely take a partner in the coming years and, that his family will be well-taken care of for generations to come.
Namjoon returned to his home village to reconnect with his beloved, Danielle. The two of them plan to move towards the ocean and, raise a family there. Yoongi explains that it will likely be awhile until he sees him again but, that you both can expect a wedding invitation in the next year or so.
As for Jimin and Taehyung- they will be following a similar path that you and Yoongi are. Their villa is positioned deep in the forest, even further from civilization than the one you’re headed to. The last thing Jimin said to Yoongi when they parted ways was that he plans on dropping by once every other month to catch up, emphasizing how much he would miss him.
Hoseok’s status was somewhat of a mystery and, Yoongi smirks with a sense of fascination as he explains where he might be. Years ago, Hoseok met a woman who matched his skill with a bow and arrow. She lived in a village not far from yours and, takes a rather firm position against any kind of authority. Hoseok took a liking to her attitude and, challenged her to a marksmen competition. She won. Naturally, Hoseok was both wounded and intrigued by this woman and, Yoongi suspects that they had been lovers for quite some time until his battalion eventually had to move on. Her name was Orion, just like the constellation and, Yoongi bets all the gold in his possession that Hoseok disappeared to look for her.
The ride to Yoongi’s villa comes to an end nearly half a day later and, you’re asleep on his lap when he gently shakes your shoulder.
“We’re here, darling.”
And here you most certainly were.
Beyond a massive wooden gate laid the most beautiful structure you had ever seen. The villa sits proudly in the middle of a massive stretch of emerald grass with an array of flowers blooming around the perimeter of the cherry oak that winds in intricate patterns up into strong pillars. The windows are tan and, made of a screen like material which is intended to keep pests out of the home. There is a pond just off to the side, which you are eager to explore later and, a balcony facing the right side of the forest. Yoongi had not exaggerated when he said that the villa was quite far from civilization for the backdrop of the scene before you were the mountains themselves, enormous and calm as they loom over the property.
Everything inside Yoongi’s villa was a brand of luxury you had never known: art, elaborate furniture, plumbing, and more space than you knew what to do with. Still however, it was uniquely Yoongi in that it was comforting.
It felt like home.
He explains some of the interior to you as he leads the way to his bedroom. He mentions that you can get comfortable and put your feet up while he checks the perimeter; something he says to expect every night.
Old habits die hard.
With a kiss, he opens the door for you and, promises he will return in shortly.
His bedroom, or our bedroom as he had called it, matched the rest of the villa. It was quaint but clearly displayed his immense wealth as he had an enormous bed in the center of the room covered in likely expensive linens. The windows were all shuttered for now, the only light coming from the lanterns hanging by the door and the entrance to the balcony.
Whilst Yoongi is checking the perimeter, you figure you only have a few minutes to prepare before he returns. Rushing over to your trunk, you settle beside it on your knees as you rifle through your belongings, looking for the one article you had been saving specifically for this evening. Tucked into the bottom, much neater than the rest of your items is a sapphire robe made from the finest silk your village offered. You had been working on it slowly every since Yoongi had left, preparing for the night when you two were finally alone.
You were buzzing with anticipation as you take off your clothes, neatly folding them and setting them aside. Then the cool silk is drawn over your body before you secure it with the tie just above your belly button.
With a deep breath drawn in through your nose, you pad over to the end of his bed and, take a seat upon the cream-colored linen. The rain begins marching prominently upon the outside of the villa bringing a cold breeze through the cracks in the shutters. The glow of the lanterns placed at the entrance of the chamber throw shadows onto the tile floor, entertaining you for only a moment until the creaking sound of the door grabs your attention.
Yoongi enters the room, not looking up as he relays the findings of his perimeter check, “Other than a few rabbits, the coast is clear and, I think after all my years of training I can handle-“ He is in the middle of this joke when he looks up at you, the rest of his sentence dying on his tongue. You see his Adam’s apple bob in his throat, his eyes darkening as they trail over your figure.
It seems like forever before he says something, his body simply frozen by the door, unable to do much else aside from staring at you.
“I don’t remember you packing that…” He breathes, his tongue wetting his lips.
“That’s because I hid it from you intentionally.” A nervous but sly smile comes across your lips, your hands sliding over the tops of your thighs, smoothing down the robe for the millionth time, “Do you like it?”
He’s shaking his head, his lips kissing his teeth, as he steps just a little bit closer to you, “That’s really not the proper word to use…”
“Well-“ You swallow, standing up from your position on the bed, eyes searching for his, “You are free to use whatever words you’d like…”
“I’ve suddenly forgotten most of the words I know, unfortunately.” He counters, his eyes darting from you to the floor multiple times before finally focusing on your face. And he’s shaking his head all over again, a sort of desperate look in his eyes, “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?
The sincerity in his tone takes your breath away but, you do everything you can to hold his gaze, trying to beckon him toward you, “I want you to see all of me.” Your hands are moving towards the tie that’s concealing you from him but, when you’re about to undo it, his voice stops you.
“Wait-“ He pleads, hands lingering out in front of him, “May I?”
You try your best to swallow but, the sheer look of desire in his eyes is removing all moisture from your mouth. Nodding, you hold a hand out to him, your fingers wiggling to beckon him toward you.
He finally seems to thaw out his frozen posture, heeding the gesture of your hand and, closing the distance between you. Almost involuntarily, he leans down and places a soft kiss against your mouth. His lips are dry, almost sticking to yours as he pulls away.
He’s nervous.
You both are.
But at the same time, you feel so incredibly at ease. There is a sense of peace between you now and, even though you’re about to experience something incredibly intense, you are both finally free from the bonds of the outside world.
Now, it is only the two of you and, all the unresolved passion that needs tending to.
Yoongi leans his forehead against your own, his hands slowly moving towards the tie at the center of your robe. You can see that they are unstable, the breath that leaves his nose is proof of that but, he continues forth anyway until his fingers are beneath the bow.
“You’re sure?” He whispers, his breath hot on your lips, making you want to kiss him all over again.
Your hands come up then, cupping either side of his face as you pull away, eyes desperately searching his own, “Certain.”
With your confirmation, he pulls the tie forward, drawing the robe apart and revealing your bare body to him. You never allow your eyes to leave his face, wanting to capture every bit of his reaction.
When you come into view, his expression seems to collapse slightly, his lips immediately parting in awe. Doing the impossible, he tries to swallow again when you use your fingers to slide the robe the rest of the way off.
And without saying a single word, he drops to his knees right in front of you, his hands coming up to grip your hips. Looking up at you, he shakes his head in disbelief, entirely overwhelmed by your beauty.
“There isn’t a battle in the world that could have prepared me for you.”
His words knock the wind from your chest, your breath leaving your lips in an unstable burst when your hand comes out to touch his cheek. When you do, he smiles, with nothing but bliss present in his expression. He turns his face so that he can press his lips into your palm a few times before rubbing his mouth over the area. Your other hand comes into play then, brushing over the clips in his hair and then allowing your fingers to slide down the length of his ponytail.
Right before he speaks again, he drags his lips to your wrist and, nibbles at the skin there, his grin broadening when he hears the change in your breathing, “Will you take my hair down for me, darling?”
His request is nearing the likeness of a coo. It’s a tone you’ve never heard before but, you now know you’d do anything if he asked you with this voice.
You pull your hand from his face and, allow it to join your other one in gently removing the accessories in Yoongi's hair. They might add a level of luxury to his look but, you know for a fact you prefer him without them.
He is beautiful without any embellishments.
When you start on undoing the elaborate work in his hair, he rests his chin just beneath your belly button and, simply stares up at you. The intensity of his gaze actually makes your cheeks hot but, you do your best to continue taking down his hair, scratching at his scalp once you’re finished removing the clips.
His eyes close as you do, a low hum resonating in his throat at the sensation. Yoongi’s hands begin moving down the sides of your body whilst his lips pepper kisses all along your stomach. They’re wet and lacking urgency and, they send a wave of pleasure directly between your thighs.
“Your hair is so beautiful- you'll have to let me practice my skills on it one day...” You murmur with a smile, letting out a sigh as he takes a bite out of your hip.
“You may do whatever you wish with me...” Yoongi smirks, sponging his lips down towards the ache between your leg, “For however long you wish.”
“I wish to undress you-” You reply, coaxing his gaze up towards you, “and then maybe have a turn on my knees...”
At your comment, Yoongi takes another bite out of your hip, his eyes blazing with lust. And almost defiantly, he begins kissing towards the tuft of hair between your legs, his tongue licking and just barely tasting the skin above your core.
Your fingers are back in his hair when he buries his face in yours and, you hear him inhale deeply before exhaling with a groan.
“You smell so good…” He nearly whines, kissing over the mound of your pussy, “…wont you wait your turn? I want to taste you first.”
And it’s so unbelievably lewd isn’t it?
The two of you had only pecked each other’s lips and, your lover is still completely dress and yet, he is begging to bury his head between your legs.
“Before you’ve undressed?” You tease, trying to maintain some level of sanity but, the way he’s looking at you is making that an impossible feat.
He looks absolutely maddened.
His response comes in the form of his tongue, licking over the top of you whilst his hands grip the outside of your thighs to coax them apart.
“Do you want me to starve?” He accuses, a sense of darkness in his eyes. Before you’re able to answer, he licks up the length of your pussy, his fingers pressing into your flesh, “Hm?”
The lust that’s running through your body is peaking at dangerous levels from his touch but, the way he’s talking to you is sending you into frenzy.
You feel like you’re going to explode.
“No, of course n-“
He cuts you off then, his eyes nearly black with desire, “Then let me eat.”
Your head is on the pillows seconds later with Yoongi nudging your legs apart so that he can situate himself between them. The silk of his own robes tease across the surface of your sensitive skin with every movement of his body. He still seems to be taking in the rest of you with hungry eyes but, as soon as he uses his hands to part your legs, his gaze turns ravenous.
Bared before him, you can feel how wet you are when the cold air of the room hits the moisture between your lips. You’re positively drenched and, he hasn’t even touched you yet.
This fact doesn’t go unnoticed by Yoongi who is now smirking darkly betwixt your thighs. He says nothing as his index finger draws a line straight down the center of your pussy before curling towards himself as he follows it back up, collecting the evidence of your arousal.
Even in the dimly lit room, you can see the way you’ve drenched his finger but, he emphasizes the visual by rubbing his index against the tip of his thumb, only to pull them apart and display your arousal drawing a string between them.
Yoongi stares at you with slight quirk to his lips as he raises his fingers to his mouth. He makes a show of sucking each of his digits until his cheeks hollow out, his eyes closing at the taste of you.
Your cunt quivers at the sight of him, mouth parted in disbelief at how unbelievably good he looks.
When he pulls his lips from his fingers, he allows the smirk to form on his mouth once again before whispering, “Oh- I’m going to devour you.”
And then his head is buried between your thighs.
Yoongi’s tongue moves with contradiction, like lightening and mud all at once. He traces the tip of it around the circumference of your clit slowly but, sucks it into his mouth with fervor. In an effort to torture you with pleasure, he never does one movement for too long, knowing that this would draw you to your end far too quickly.
You can feel your breath leaving your lips at an unstable rate, your fingers searching for something to grasp onto. Yoongi has this covered of course, his hands reaching for yours before resting both of your intertwined digits on your hips.
His tongue continues to explore each fold of you. It’s as if he were collecting every ounce of moisture from your cunt before becoming determined to make you to make it all over again.
When Yoongi is satisfied with cleaning you up, he sets his sights on your clit, his tongue licking over the throbbing bundle of nerves three times before releasing his grip on of your hands and, placing one atop his head.
With an adoring glance, he slurs, “Use my mouth, darling. Show me how you like it…”
His gesture makes you let out a breath you had been unconsciously holding, your grip tightening in his hair at his request.
The sensation sends a shiver down his spine that he most certainly plans on addressing later. For now however, he is preoccupied with learning how you like to cum.
You tug his hair gently so his mouth his back over your clit and, slowly you move his head up and down. Ever the fast learner, he quickly picks up on the pattern you want and begins licking his tongue over the throbbing muscle.
The relief that comes with consistent pleasure finally pulls a moan from your lips, to which Yoongi immediately mirrors between your legs. You find yourself parting your legs further, your hips angling up to get closer to his mouth which only causes him to increase the pressure of his tongue.
The pleasure is mounting inside of your stomach like a hurricane and, for some buried reason, you bite your lip to attempt from crying out. Yoongi stops what he is doing and pulls his lips from you, which are completely soaked with your arousal.
His brows are drawn together in disappointment, his hair tickling your thighs as he shakes his head, “Oh please…let it out my love, no one can hear you but me.”
He pulls his tongue up the length of your clit slowly, his gaze nearly predatory as he reinforces his request, “Won’t you sing for me, darling?”
You nod, licking over your lips as you guide his mouth back to your cunt. He seems to work twice as hard now, flattening his tongue as he continues to rub it against your clit.
The muscles within your core are fluttering inside of you, your orgasm not far from reality. At Yoongi’s pleading you allow yourself to be more vocal, whimpering his name when he sucks at your clit.
He groans again at the sound of it, his fingers digging into your hips for the moment and then, suddenly pulling back. Eyes locking with yours, his wet lips get to work on lubricating his digits before positioning them at your entrance.
Yoongi licks his lips and, with a salacious look he says, “Deep breath…”
And try as you might, the feeling of his fingers curling up inside of you, yank the breath you attempt to take right from your throat.
“Ah-“ You preen, leaning up on your elbows to watch him fuck you with his fingers, “Oh Yoongi…yoongi…”
He grins up at you, securing his fingertips against the spongy tissue you inside of you whilst his other hand comes down to rub at your clit, “I shall ban anyone else from uttering my name, only you know how to say it correctly.”
With the increase in speed and pressure, you can feel something mounting inside of you that you’ve never felt before. You don’t quite know what it is, you just know that you’re going to make a mess.
Slightly panicky, your shaky hand reaches out for him, “These are clean linens…I feel like I’m going to soil them.”
The breathy and desperate nature of your tone goes straight to Yoongi’s throbbing erection but, instead of burying myself in you as he wants to, he merely increases the pace of his fingers.
“They will be much cleaner if you do, my love.” He assures you, his voice nearly cooing, “Just remember to say my name.”
His right hand is massaging against your clit at the perfect pace as his fingers curl up harder inside of you. The squelching sounds from your body would normally embarrass you under different circumstances but now, the pleasure is too overwhelming for you to care.
“Oh- oh Yoongi…yoongi…” You whine, your back arching off the bed as the dams inside of you break, your orgasm gushing out of your cunt in a way it never has. And although you can’t see him because your eyes are screwed shut, you feel Yoongi’s breath grow closer to your core until his mouth is back on your clit.
“Yoongi!” You whimper, toes curling into the sheets as he draws the pleasure from you.
He groans against you once again, his tongue repeating the same pattern you showed him earlier until you are shivering mess beneath him. Once he can sense you growing sensitive, he gets to work at slurping up every ounce of your release. His lips are sucking at your folds, your entrance, the inside of your thighs, nibbling and licking up every single thing you gave him.
With spotty vision, you anxiously reach down for him, suddenly despising the distance between you. He takes notice instantly, crawling up the length of your body and, placing kisses on every bit of you that he can.
Yoongi’s hair forms a platinum curtain around your head, which closes quickly when you grip the back of his neck to pull him down towards you. You meet each other’s lips with a type of hunger you now fear that you could never satisfy, tongues intertwining with desperation.
Ever so tenderly however, Yoongi his cupping your cheek and whispering sentiments to ease your overstimulated body.
“Shhh it’s ok, its ok my love.”
“You did so well.”
“You fed me so well.”
“I love you- I love you so much…”
With each phrase, he seals it with a kiss, the rest of his body settling between your legs and its then you are reminded that he is still clothed and, desperately hard.
“I love you too.” You whisper shakily against his lips, “I want to see you, I want to please you now…”
You’re practically begging, filled with disdain that his body is hidden from you, especially after you’ve just cum all over his face.
And he’s grinning against your lips, a rather sly look twinkling in his eyes, “And how do you plan on pleasing me?” He hums, kissing up the length of your nose.
“Well…” You begin, allowing a hand to travel down the black silk adorning his body before finding the solid length of his cock, leaning away from his hips. Smirking softly, you place your palm against him, relishing in the way he twitches up towards it, “You said you’d give me your soul didn’t you? I want it down my throat first.”
Your comment causes him to groan, hips pushing forward against your hand as he furrows his brow. Almost frantically, he stares down at you and shakes his head, “I know you think of me as a strong man but, I don’t think I could contain myself if you put your mouth on me- not with the taste of you still on my lips.”
Using your hand, you encase his length in the silk of his pants, squeezing gently as you move it up towards the tip of him. And you have his head hanging on his shoulders now, arms trembling beside your head whilst he tries to hold himself together.
“I don’t remember asking you to contain yourself. Those have always been barriers you designed.”
Yoongi looks up at you, eyes drawn in with a mix of pleasure and apprehension. When you squeeze him again, he shivers, a wanton groan leaving his lips. When he opens his eyes again, they look more nervous than when he stood before you at the end of the bed. In fact, it’s a look that you’ve never really seen before.
It compels your hand away from him slowly as your other one comes to cup his face, “What’s wrong?”
He breathes out a laugh, his mouth turned up at the corner, “Why is it that you can always find your way into my head and yet, I can never find my way into yours?”
You ignore his attempt to lighten the mood, your thumb brushing over the apple of his cheek, “Yoongi- what is it?”
The tone of your voice is gentle but, the look in your eyes compels Yoongi to bear his truth, no more how vulnerable he feels.
“My body is-” He sighs and restarts his sentence, leaning his face into your hand, “The last battle, it left me with many injuries. Most of them have healed but, I don’t want them to startled you.”
You sit up then, causing him to take a seat on the backs of his legs. Unable to help your saddened expression, you simply shake your head, “Yoongi, the only thing your body can be is beautiful. You have laid your life on the line for the people of this land, myself included. I could only ever love everything about the body that brought you home to me.”
With glassy eyes Yoongi is reaching out for you, placing a searing kiss upon your lips and, through it he murmurs “I have never let anyone undress me before…”
You kiss him once more and pull away a bit to lock eyes with him, “Do you trust me?”
And looking like a much younger man, his wide-eyed gaze full of innocence he nods, his hand coming up to brush against your cheek, “You’re the only one.”
His response accounts for several sentiments. His trust, his love, his dedication…
All meant for you.
“May I undress you then?”
His answer comes in the form of another kiss, lips attaching to yours with passion as his hands reach out for your fingers. He leads them to front of his robe, which covers the length of his tunic and his pants and urges you to remove it from him. Taking his lead, you push the material from his shoulders and, allow it to drop behind him before finding your way to the hem of his tunic.
The two of you find each other's eyes once again whilst you slowly draw the material up his torso. He follows your motions, lifting his arms above his head and placing them back by his sides when his tunic is removed.
The first thing you notice is his hair, flowing in prominent waves down his chest and, stopping just above his belly button. Then come his arms, strong and lanky all at once, much of their surface littered with the evidence of his missions. You can see what he meant and, you try to control your expression when you gaze upon the bruises and, cuts that have yet to heal.
You want to scold him for not acknowledging his injuries earlier so, that you could tend to them. But, you can clearly see that they have been taken care of by someone with much more skill.
His eyes are on you, searching for any sign of disapproval, his heart beating wildly in his chest.
He wish you could hear what you are thinking.
But just then, a soft smile comes over your lips as you carefully take his chin betwixt your fingers, “Just as I thought- you are molded from the gods, Min Yoongi. There has never been a man who contained more beauty.”
Your words hit his heart like a dagger, some of the air nearly forced out of his lungs. And he’s wanting to kiss you again, his lips desperately chasing yours before your hand comes to rest on his chest.
“Easy tiger…” You giggle, causing his lips to twitch into a smile, “I haven’t finished yet…”
He eases up, moving back into place with both of you still on your knees, facing one another. With tender hands, you move the tendrils of hair from his chest so that they flow freely down his back. His chest is fully exposed to you now, the swollen muscles beneath his pecks also displaying traces of the life he has lived.
Of the life he is finally able to leave behind.
Now, with just your fingertips, you trail your them across his clavicle, stopping for a moment at the ball of his shoulders before trailing them all the way to his wrists. A prominent shiver rattles through him, his hands twitching by his sides with the need to reach out and touch you.
But he doesn’t.
He stays perfectly still with only his eyes falling shut as you explore the surface of his skin. You take your time, dipping your fingers into the lines of his muscles, tracing the maze of veins beneath his skin, and smoothing your palms across the tops of his shoulders.
He’s properly turning to mush when you whisper, “Lay down…”
Like a man bewitched, he feels the urge to obey every command that comes from your lips and, commit every statement you make to memory.
He pushes his hair back, allowing it to settle on the pillows in various directions. And beneath you now, with his arms outstretched above his head, he looks like a king.
A sort of curve settles on his mouth when you position yourself between his thighs and, although he may look strong and confident beneath you, you can’t hear the way his heart is hammering in his chest.
Sex is familiar to Yoongi.
Intimacy however, is not.
Smoothing your palms down the muscles in his stomach, you use your fingers to hook under the band of his pants.
“You might need to help me with this part.” You smile and it only broadens as he chuckles, lifting his butt in the air and maneuvering his body so that he can help you pull the material down his legs.
Settling back into his position, Yoongi takes a deep breath whilst you take in the sight of him. He’s so hard. The skin of his dick, reddening towards the tip, the veins winding patterns up his shaft, the whole length of him begging to be touched.
“My, my- so the rumors are true…” You muse, slowly tickling your fingers up his inner thighs, which send his dick twitching in response.
His brow is furrowed however, wondering what you’re getting at and, you answer him before he ends up asking you.
“You do keep a viper on you at all times.”
And for the first time this evening, he is laughing. The full bellied and rickety sound leaves his lips as he wipes a hand over his face.
“You are incorrigible.”
His tone is disapproving but, his eyes are still filled to the brim with adoration. Because of course you would make this so easy for him.
Of course you would make love so easy.
All of his fears seem to mean nothing when he is with you, even when he is at his most vulnerable like he is now.
“And you, my dear Yoongi-“ Your tone lowers a bit as your brush your fingers over his balls, smirking when you see his chest puff out, “-are beautiful.”
With that, you lean down and lick slowly up the length of his cock, collecting the bit of precum that has collected on the tip. He tastes like the salt of the earth and, with that small bit of him- you now find yourself craving so much more.
His lips part, a sharp breath leaving the confines of his throat, his fingers quickly rushing to the sheets in anticipation. It’s been nearly half a year since he received any sort of pleasure from another person but, seeing as it’s now coming from the woman he loves, he is overwhelmed.
You are licking up the length of him again, your ass sticking up there for him to gaze upon as you slowly encircle his throbbing dick in your palm.
He is melting.
With his chest rising and falling unsteadily, Yoongi’s stare blazes right through you, when you suck him into your mouth.
“Oh fuck-“ He swears under his breath, the sound of that word coming from his lips sending an ache back to your core. You start him out slow, your cheeks hollowing out with the force of the suction you’re providing him.
His fingers toy helplessly with the linen beside him, the pleasure from your mouth numbing the tips of his toes.
With your free hand, you cup his balls, sighing through your nose at the almost desperate groan that leaves his mouth. He looks beautiful, his lips parted, stomach caved in at the pleasure he’s experiencing, his hands fisting in the sheets beside him.
“’sso good…” His brow is furrowed now, hips jolting a bit when you take him deeper towards your throat, “Be c- careful love, I don’t want to hurt you…”
But you don’t listen and, instead you continue your motions, your two fingers pressing behind his balls as you attempt to swallow his length.
“A-ah…” He throws his hand over his mouth, still slightly apprehensive at the sounds he wishes to make. You watch him as he breaths through the gaps in his fingers, eyes squeezing shut whilst you take him further down your throat.
He moans into his hand, his toes curling into the linen. And to address his attempt to conceal his sounds of pleasure, you simply walk your fingers across his trembling stomach and tap lightly.
Instinctually, he looks down at you- nearly cumming when you suck off of his length, your lips swollen and covered in saliva which you then spit back down on his dick.
Rubbing your lips against the sensitive underside of him, you coo, “We’re the only ones out here, my love. Let it out…”
He leans down, rubbing his thumb over your lips for the moment as he nods rapidly before allowing his head to hit the pillow again.
Chest heaving, he tries to prepare himself for your mouth all over again but, fails miserably. The pleasure is just so intense.
You waste no time in easing him back into your mouth, paying careful attention to relax your throat. He is confident, even in all of his years of sexual exploration, that he has never felt like this before.
He feels like he barely has a grip on his sanity and, when you take him down your throat- he has no choice but to whimper.
The sound only encourages you, your eyes unable to leave him as you watch his nipples harden, his stomach cave again, his eyes roll back…
“Fucking- fuck…fuck fuck…” He mutters through gritted teeth before his mouth parts again, “Please- don’t stop.”
Fucking him into your throat is no easy feat but, the sheer state of ecstasy he seems to be in, allows you to continue.
You rub at his hips, attempting to sooth him, your motions on his dick now becoming hands-free as his hips start pumping at their own pace. Despite the burn in your throat, you don’t ease up, wanting to see him overcome with the sensations, wanting to please him completely…
He shakes his head, eyes blown out and searching for an explanation as to why it feels so good but, he comes up empty.
Its just you.
Yoongi slams his head against the pillows, exposing his Adams apple when he swallows back the scream that wants to leave his chest. But when he feels his balls tighten and throb with his impending orgasm, he caresses your cheek.
“Please, my love- wait a moment…please…” He’s only pleading because it’s the only thing that can properly leave his mouth right now, for your motions on him have left him bewildered.
You’re careful to suck off of him cleanly, kissing the tip of his dick as you bat your eyes at him, “Are you alright?”
He’s smirking now, and a breathless laugh comes from his lips, “I think you’re well aware of how I’m doing.”
You giggle at his comment, kissing his dick again before resting your cheek upon his hip, “Then what is it?”
And with that same rather innocent, slightly humble look in his eye, he confesses, “I’ve always pictured being inside of you…the first time.”
In his earnest and rather proper way of explaining himself, you are simply taken over by your love for him.
He looks at you as if he is asking for the world but, little did he know- you would think nothing of giving him such a thing.
You’re kissing his hip now and starting a trail up his naked body. His hands come to life beside you and take their time caressing over your skin.
One last trail is place up the valley of his chest before your lips are hovering over his.
“Then be inside me.” You whisper into his mouth, sucking the bottom half of it into yours.
A deep growl resonates within his chest and, the next thing you know he is flipping you over, arms placed on either side of your head as he reconnects your lips.
Wildly, he kisses at you, allowing your tongues to intertwine in a somewhat disorganized fashion, neither of you concerned with rhythm at this point.
Yoongi is pulling away to take a look at you, silently reassuring himself that this beautiful creature below him, desires him too.
It’s slightly hard to wrap his brain around.
But as you raise your middle finger to the scar marring his right eye, you are breaking down the last of his concerns. He closes his lids beneath your touch, his chest tightening as you whisper,
“No more wounds, my love. I will make sure you feel only pleasure for the rest of your life.”
With a last and exasperated sigh, Yoongi guides himself inside of you in one quick motion.
“Oh-“ He breathes, his eyes widening as he chokes back a moan.
Your own moan is forced from your chest, Yoongi’s rhythm not giving you a chance to last very long.
He presses his forehead against yours, his mouth hanging open even as you kiss at it, hips quickening with each thrust inside of you.
“I love you.” You moan, whilst your hands come up to secure themselves behind his neck.
He is hurling towards his release so quickly, he fears the intensity of it, but the only thing he can tangibly focus on is confessing his love to you over and over.
“I will l-love you forever, it is a-all I will ever do for the rest of m-my life…”
Even as he stumbles over his words, his eyes never leave yours, pouring all of the emotion he feels into his movements.
He pours and he pours…
And you drink and you drink…
Until there is nothing left to do but surrender to one another.
The first rope of his release leaves his body with a jolt, his hips jerking forward and, immediately his eyes screw shut, his face burying into your neck.
You rub his back, kissing all along the side of his face as another hot spurt of cum leaves his cock.
“Oh Y/N…” He whines finally, sounding in pain and relieved all at once, “Y/N…Y/N…Y/N…”
He calls your name over and over and, somewhere along the edges of bliss, you tip over the edge too, digging your nails into his back as you do.
You seem to take turns saying the name of one another, the two of you riding out your highs for as long as possible until finally, your lover collapses on top of you.
In the stillness of the night, the only sound either of you allow is the rainfall atop the roof and, the whispering sound of your breathing.
For awhile, you just trace shapes into the skin of Yoongi’s back as his lips sponge into your neck and across your shoulder, or any part of you that he can reach. Moments later, his concern for his bodyweight upon you takes precedence and, he finally rolls over, the two of you wincing at the loss of contact.
You quickly take your place atop his chest as he leans over to the bedside table and, grabs the goblet of water waiting there. There was one on either side when you came in and, you assumed the staff had put them there.
Yoongi takes a deep breath and, attempts to steady his hand as he brings the goblet towards you but, to no avail.
His hand continues to shake.
Placing your hand around his, you try to assist him as a soft bout of laughter leaves your lips, “You’re trembling.”
And with waves of messy hair framing his beautiful face, he simply grins and corrects you, “I am in love.”
He raises the glass to your lips and, admires you when you take several big gulps, feeling good that he is able to take care of you.
His reply sends butterflies into your stomach, which seems like a rather impossible feat considering the fact that they had taken up a permanent residence there months ago.
When the Tiger moved into your life…
You usher the glass towards his lips with a soft smile, feeling so much happiness at the peace present in his eyes.
“As I’m I.” You whisper, rubbing your hand over his hip as he drinks the rest of the water in the goblet. There is also a sense of exhaustion in his gaze however and, you are met with the reminder that he probably hasn’t slept properly in months.
Your telepathy pays off once more as Yoongi addresses the heaviness upon his lids.
“I always pictured this to end with one of our elaborate existential conversations…” He chuckles softly, laying back on the pillow. Before he continues, he is reaching up to brush his thumb over your lips, “…but I do believe you’ve drained me of energy for now, my girl.”
A kiss is placed against his thumb, “Sleep now. We have plenty of time to question our existence.”
Yoongi chuckles again, using the hand that’s on your face to pull you closer to him. He kisses you one last time, ensuring that it reaches your soul before he’s puling you beneath the covers with him.
The last thing you remember before drifting off is another exchange of those three words.
The three words you would never grow tired of saying.
Yoongi sleeps well past sunrise. His chest rises steadily beneath your head for the better part of the morning and, although you want to wait it out, your desire to see the view from the balcony finally overtakes you.
You’re careful not to wake the sleeping man beneath you as you slip out of his grip. And as you’re pulling on the silk robe he had left discarded the night before, you take the time to admire him. Cheeks puffed out, lips pouted, brow smoothed over, none of his features containing a single ounce of worry…
You planned on keeping him this content for as long as you both shall live.
The mid-morning air was cold but, it felt nice upon your skin. Sleeping with Yoongi was new and, you now know that he emits as much body heat as a fully grown bear.
Or a Tiger…depending on who you ask…
This of course is wonderful, especially given how harsh winter can get but, you were growing quite warm beneath his arm.
The balcony was simple. It was painted the same color as the rest of the villa: a deep cherry red and, other than a few plants in the right corner, there was nothing else aside from the view.
Overlooking the grounds of the villa, the balcony displayed all of the elaborate architecture as well as the natural aspects of the grounds themselves. You set your eyes on the mountains to the left of you and, are overcome with excitement at the thought of them being covered in snow.
A hawk flies high above your head, his call echoing off every surface around of the villa, connecting the two of you for that single moment. As your eyes move to admire the thick expanse of trees before you, a pair of strong silk-covered arms wrap around your waist.
And normally, you would jump in surprise but, this time you don’t.
You could sense him staring at you for quite a while now but, rather than disturb him, you just let him have his moment.
Most of your moments would be spent staring at him if you had it your way.
“I had feared for a moment that I had only dreamt of you again…”
The tone of his morning voice is much deeper and covered in gravel, the sound sending a shiver through you. You lean back against him, lips curving up in a smile.
“We are finally alone, General Min.” You assure him softly, rubbing over his forearms. He kisses up your neck, causing your eyes to shut, just basking in the feeling of him.
Of the man you love.
“Well-“ And you can hear the grin in his voice, “Not completely alone.”
You open your eyes, confused by his response but as you try and look back at him, he is jerking his head towards the trees. At first you are confused by the amazed expression on his face but, when you see the mix of orange and black moving through the forest in the distance, you gasp in understanding.
“Is that?”
“A tiger?” He chuckles and when you look back once more, to confirm your suspicion, he winks at you, “It most certainly is.”
“Should we be worried?” You breathe, quite amazed yourself. The tiger doesn’t seem agitated from what you can tell, they merely move through the trees slowly- seemingly locked onto a destination.
“No, this one I have seen before.” He replies confidently, “They maintain their distance just fine…” Yoongi pauses for a moment and, then smiles to himself, “Unless of course, he falls in love…then we’ll never get him to leave.”
#bangtansorciere#yoongi#yoongi smut#yoongi fluff#yoongi angst#daechitwa#daechitwa! Yoongi#yoongi x reader#yoongi fanfiction#yoongi fics#yoongi fanfics#bts smut#bts fluff#bts angst#bts fanfiction#bts fanfics
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from an outside perspective (not themselves and not their s/o), how do The Boys look and act when they're in love?
hcs for how they look and act when they’re in love, or how an outsider would be able to tell they’re in love:
frankie morales:
frankie in love would be adorably obvious about it. it’d be clear to just about anyone and everyone he’s in deep.
he’d have photos of you as his phone’s lockscreen and homescreen.
when you’re out together, the only reason he’d stop holding your hand is to tuck his in the back pocket of your jeans or wrap his arm around your shoulders.
his love for you would break frankie out of his shyness and his quietness; he’s not a man who speaks unless he feels he has something worth talking about, and oh wow does he definitely feel you are worth talking about. if someone asks about you, any social discomfort evaporates instantly. he lights up and words just pour out of him in a flood. someone asks him what his plans for the weekend are? well they better buckle the fuck up and get ready to hear all about you because whatever his plans are they always involve you.
everything about you is fascinating to him. he’ll tell anecdotes about the most mundane and minute details of your lives together. like how you both were washing the dishes together the other night and you noticed one of your plates was chipped and so he offered to fix it for you and-ok now pope is teasing him mercilessly for being so smitten alright he’ll shut up now. the guys all bait him into it by bringing you into conversation just to watch frankie, quietly chilling in his corner until then, his mind wandering a little, whip his head around at the mere mention of your name.
javier peña:
i think javier in love would be so subtle, people from the outside looking in would likely not know or even suspect he’s in love.
they might sense a friction, a tension, between the two of you but they wouldn’t necessarily recognize it for what it is.
javier would always seek out ways to touch and be touched by you, even in the smallest touches, but in public he’d be more restrained and coy about it. he may not hold your hand but he’d find ways to graze his fingers against yours. if you’re sitting next to him, his thigh would be pressed up alongside yours under the table.
despite javier’s attempts at controlled impassivity, if anything would give away how in love with you he is it would be his expressive eyes. they will always give away everything he is thinking and feeling. when he’s looking at you everything he feels for you, no matter the complexity of emotion, would all be captured in his eyes.
so if they’re very, very observant like steve murphy someone could catch javier forgetting himself for a few moments and gazing at you with longing. giving you piercing looks full of indescribable emotion.
a sign that would be unmissable is how he smiles goofily at you and only you. a genuine boyish grin, the kind that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle up gently. a smile that’s like the beams of sunshine bursting out from behind storm clouds. when he’s around you the deep furrows and lines of his brow seem to relax, his eyes and his face soften, like he’s found a tonic for his weariness and it’s you. that’s how even strangers would know javier is smitten.
din djarin:
din in love is protective. if anything or anyone even slightly threatened you, he’d immediately and fiercely put himself between you and it/them.
din in love would be nurturing. someone could notice how he’d ensure you got the more comfortable place to sit or sleep, that you got the larger portion of the meal, that he always put your needs above his own but without drawing attention to it or expecting any reward for it.
overall, he’s too stoic and too private to let his love show in any overt way. from an outside perspective, someone would need to be extremely observant to perceive it. the helmet may mask the emotions on his face but it can’t hide everything.
they’d have to listen for the slight way his voice changes when he says your name. the brief pause before he utters it, like your name is too reverent, too meaningful, to speak aloud. he has to prepare himself to say it casually in a way that doesn’t belie any of the feelings he’s trying to hide. yet no matter how hard he may try to not let it happen, the way his deep voice softens when he does say it, almost imperceptibly so, betrays him. it gives it all away. mando’s in love.
ezra:
ezra in love would be on the rooftops howling your name if you let him. he’d be slyly coiling his arm around your waist and pulling you flush against him to kiss you deeply and unashamedly everywhere and anywhere. propriety be damned.
you’d be his partner, his equal, in all things and everyone would know it. he’d cut himself off mid-sentence to let you speak and listen with rapt attention. he wouldn’t let anyone speak over you. he’d seek your advice on all matters.
when separated from you on his travels, he'd amass a collection of small trinkets that made him think of you or that he thinks you’d like; a particularly pretty stone, a geode, a tiny intricately carved wooden box.
he’d be found gazing at a view and if someone asked him what he was doing idling there when there’s work to be done, he’d jovially tell them he’s committing it to memory since there’s someone he knows who’d appreciate a view like that and think it’d be a shame to squander the opportunity.
he’d lyrically tell lively stories of your wit and your brilliance to the companions he trusts enough to open up to. when he speaks of you, his voice thick with longing, it would be transparent to anyone listening how enamoured he is.
when thoughts of you consume him and flood his senses, when he misses you so deeply he sinks into a melancholic mood, he speaks plainly of his yearning for you. speaking softly, he etches a vivid portrait of your face with words alone as he recalls it from memory.
#fleetwood answers#frankie morales x reader#javier pena x reader#ezra prospect x reader#din djarin x reader#frankie morales headcanons#javier pena headcanons#ezra headcanons#din djarin headcanons#headcanon requests#fleetwood writes
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I'd love for Will to be able to have the power of reality alteration because him being the most powerful one would be a very nice plot twist. But. Do you really believe they make him more powerful than El? I keep finding crazy comments on social media, suggesting it's the "El show" 😪 *sigh*. And I know some people who say it'd be anti feminist since Will is a boy. Thx
That’s a lot of interesting questions to think about.
I’ll attempt to address each thought that you’ve shared one at a time and provide you with my own opinions and theories about each:
You said: “I'd love for Will to be able to have the power of reality alteration because him being the most powerful one would be a very nice plot twist. But. Do you really believe they would make him more powerful than El?”
I have a lot of conflicted feelings about the way that the fandom often talks about characters’ powers and supernatural abilities in Stranger Things. (I also really dislike the way that the fandom has decided that they can’t appreciate and support both El and Will’s happiness and that their happy endings and successes are somehow mutually exclusive, but I’ll address the topic of their powers first.)
Fans often focus on the abilities and superpowers of characters as something desirable and cool but fans rarely spend time considering what it cost those characters to develop their abilities in the first place. Neither El nor Will suddenly woke up one day and had superpowers that they had conscious control over.
Certain impressive skills that people have in the real world might also be developed under extremely traumatic and undesirable circumstances and not because they wanted them: the powers represented so far in Stranger Things are very much like that variety of skillset.
El’s powers and her ability to control them are canonically shown to have manifested during her imprisonment, abuse, isolation, and manipulation at the Lab. As Kali says “They stole your life, Jane!” Due to El’s isolation from society and from love and affection and from having a family and from everything else in the world beyond the Lab she has a significant amount of early childhood social and psychological development that was stolen from her that she can never truly get back. A healthy, loving, safe environment for development and self-actualization that children deserve to have was not provided to El and she has suffered so much and she has had significant delays in her opportunity to grow and become her own person because of what was done to her. So yes, El has psychic powers that give her a variety of unique abilities that are very useful. But at what cost? If El were given the choice to abandon all of her powers in exchange for a loving family, a community of friends that she’d had the opportunity to know and spend time with since early childhood, a variety of passions and hobbies that she chose for herself over the years as she was growing up and engaging with the world, an extensive understanding of the world outside of the Lab based on her own exploration of the world and not only what people tell her or what she sees on television, and most importantly a sense that she is treated kindly because people truly love her and not because they want to exploit her and her powers for their own purposes: wouldn’t she make that trade?
Do I currently agree with the theory that Will’s subconscious mind created the Upside Down, the Mindflayer, the demogorgon, and even most probably created many other characters and fantastical plotlines that exist in the story? Yes. But I believe it has (so far) been unintentional, entirely subconscious, and is a mental coping mechanism in response to extremely traumatic circumstances that Will has faced throughout his life. Would Will’s subconscious mind creating significant parts of the Stranger Things universe represent a certain level of “power” that is greater than El’s? I don’t personally think they’re comparable. There are things that Will can probably do that El cannot, and vice versa. They will surely each have their own strengths and weaknesses and their own limitations that we may or may not always be shown in the series.
But what does "more powerful” really mean to us, and why does that question even matter? It was not El’s choice to have powers and it was not Will’s choice to have powers. Much of what I believe Will has incidentally created is creating a lot of confusion and suffering for him and for others that he cares about. If the story were about real people I’d be offended at the question of who’s more powerful and feel as though that question and debate is the sort that Dr. Brenner and his colleagues would have: “How useful is this child to me? Which child is more powerful?” I dislike the question because it feels like asking a parent which child is their favorite. I care about them both, and I don’t care about them because they happen to have superpowers: I care about them because they are nuanced characters that are very well-written and that I can empathize with as if they were real people. I respect why it’s a popular thing for fans to debate over which X-Men is the most powerful, for example, but that’s never been what draws me into scifi and fantasy stories. What characters choose to do under unusual circumstances and with unique resources (such as superpowers) is far more important to me than the nature and intensity of the powers themselves. I believe that the Stranger Things fandom does these beautifully written characters a disservice by focusing too heavily on their abilities and not enough on their feelings, choices, relationships, dreams, goals, and experiences that humanize them.
I love Stranger Things because of the humanity of each of the characters and not because some of them can throw cars through walls.
You said: “I keep finding crazy comments on social media, suggesting it's the "El show"”
El is definitely an important character in the story at this point in the show and she has some really fascinating abilities in the Stranger Things universe that often give her iconic moments and provide her an opportunity to be in the spotlight.
I believe that there is a reason that the writers have decided to develop many characters in the story and in my opinion it can seem hard to pin-point a “main” character at times. I think this is absolutely intentional on the part of the writers, and I predict that we will learn how Will’s, Hopper’s, and El’s storylines intersect in season 4. I think we will learn something new about each of the characters.
I do not personally believe that it is the “El show” any more than it could be argued that this is the “Steve show” or the “Hopper show.” But I do appreciate that fans have grown to love El’s character.
I strongly disagree with anyone in the fandom that insists that Will is not important. I can tell that the way that he was quieter in season 3 inspired some fans to dismiss his role in the series entirely, but I think they’re mistaken. Quiet and less assertive doesn’t mean irrelevant in a story like this one. I believe that much of what Will has been through is at the heart of the entire series, and I think that he will play a very critical role in future seasons. If some fans passionately dislike Will then they might need to steel themselves for some severe disappointment.
You said: “And I know some people who say it'd be anti feminist [for Will to be more powerful than El] since Will is a boy."
I would argue that El embodies many traits that are often presumed to be stereotypically masculine by certain incorrect and outdated schools of thought: assertiveness, the ability to win in combat, determination, resilience, and bravery (among others.) There were eras in which these traits were not always valued and respected in women, and arguably there are still many circumstances under which they still aren’t. El is a complex character who is not written as a gender stereotype and I think that is powerful and important.
We need more characters of many different genders that are written as people. Complex, multi-faceted, and capable of many different things regardless of their gender.
Yes. Will is a boy.
Will is a young boy who has been bullied for having certain traits that are very often stereotypically seen by society as feminine. As being “womanly.”
I believe that feminism needs to be intersectional and seek to address the ways that all people and all genders are harmed by a society that devalues women and devalues traits, work, and skillsets that are associated with femininity.
Feminism should not be reduced and oversimplified to “girl power.” Anyone that reduces feminism to that does not, in my opinion, understand feminism.
“Feminism is the belief in the social, economic, and political equality of the sexes.”
Devaluing admirable traits when someone of one gender expresses them but then deciding to value those exact same traits when they are expressed by a person of a different gender is prejudiced and anti-feminist because it maintains the false idea that certain traits only have value in people if they are a specific gender.
El is a wonderful, empowering character and I appreciate that she is very well written and admired by many fans. But I worry when certain fans are more willing to appreciate a kick-ass fictional young woman that defies outdated and incorrect gender stereotypes but are not also willing to embrace gentler, more sensitive, less stereotypically masculine young men like Will with similar enthusiasm and affection.
Will is bullied and devalued by his small-town community for having traits and interests that are perceived as feminine and therefore, according to closeminded bigots like his dad, not allowed and are deserving of abuse and bullying. Will is arguably also devalued and dismissed by the Stranger Things fandom because he has traits that are perceived as feminine and undesirable in a young teen guy in the eyes of certain fans, too.
The devaluing and dismissal of gentle, kind, emotional young men is a feminist issue.
A character doesn’t have to be a girl in order to represent feminist ideals within a story. I know that there are probably plenty of feminists that will disagree with me (because there will always be people with their own opinions) but I strongly believe that Will's story is feminist as it has been explored so far (just as El's is.)
Anyone in the fandom that considers themselves a “Feminist” but that spends significant amounts of time criticizing Will Byers by dismissing him as “boring” and criticizing him for being quiet, sensitive, gentle, and emotional should take a good look in the mirror and reflect on what their personal brand of feminism stands for and whether their goal truly is “the equality of the sexes” or if their goal is simply hating men and only valuing and promoting stereotypically masculine traits in our society.
Feminism’s goal is not to make women more powerful than men or to make men less powerful than women, it is about the promotion of the “equality of the sexes.”
Stereotypes are constructs our society has built and that impact the way we all currently relate to each other. Until society stops treating traits associated with society's currently constructed idea of femininity as something weak or bad then it is important to appreciate these traits in characters of many different genders and to value these traits in men (both in real life and in fictional stories) too. Anyone of any gender can be sensitive and sensitivity should not be seen as a weakness but rather as a strength and as something that's a valuable aspect of our humanity, and the same can be said for many other beautiful traits that society has wrongly decided to put into boxes and assign gender stereotypes to.
This complicated topic is incredibly important to me as a fan of both El and Will. I believe that both El and Will are feminist characters and that the series is very empowering and is challenging society’s gender biases through both of their stories. I hope that my response to your question was successful in communicating how I feel and resonates with you and with perhaps other fans who also care about El and Will and feel their own experiences, feelings, and identities validated by their story arcs.
Will some fans still whine and cry “sexism” and attempt to brand Stranger Things as “anti-feminist” if their hope that El will be the solo main character of the story and not have to share the spotlight with a boy is dashed? Sure. But I think they’re wrong, that their concept of feminism and sexism is incorrect, and that their priorities and their understanding of El’s value as a character is unfortunate. El is more than her superpowers. El doesn’t need to be “the strongest” or “the most powerful” in order to be an inspiring, complex, well-written, relatable, and empowering character.
Thank you for your Ask! I hope you don’t mind how long this response is. You mentioned a few things that I have some very complicated opinions about.
#will byers#el hopper#stranger things#stranger things analysis#stranger things theories#will byers is a feminist character#el hopper is a feminist character#feminism is for everyone
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First there was SkyKnit. Now there's HAT3000
[Chunky Hat”, crocheted by Joannastar]
A while ago, I tried to train a neural network to generate knitting patterns by showing it a few thousand existing patterns so it could use trial and error to generate new patterns. I called the project SkyKnit, and its new patterns were… well, they were patterns. But they were nothing like the patterns it had been trained on. The test knitters of Ravelry’s adults-only, often-indecorous LSG forum had to do a lot of debugging to turn them into reality and, even debugged, SkyKnit’s patterns were strangely organic, prone to weird branching ribbing and organic-looking holes, turning into irregular shapes or even tentacles.
[Make Caows and Shapcho, knitted by MeganAnn, and Lacy 2047, knitted by michaela112358]
Ever since the SkyKnit project, I’ve wanted to do a version for crochet. Like knitting, crochet has strong ties to mathematics and programming, and in many ways it’s more flexible. A crochet algorithm could potentially create even more exotic shapes than SkyKnit did.
For this project, to be dubbed HAT3000, I decided to make some improvements. I would train it on just crochet hats, which ought to be simple enough and similar enough that a neural net might be able to figure out the general pattern and produce functional designs. The LSG forum crocheters helped me assemble training data of 500 vintage out-of-copyright patterns, plus these kind designers contributed their own patterns to the effort: krisitis-patterns, irishlacenet, SierraPelona, fairyhedgehogg, watrpriestess, RachyNewin, agnosticnun, UnplannedCauli, membril, Moogly, and SuviCrochets.
I used Max Woolf’s gpt-2-simple collab notebook to finetune OpenAI’s GPT-2-355M neural net model. It’s pretrained with a bunch of non-crochet knowledge from the internet (fanfiction, recipes, conspiracy theories), but it does have a much longer memory than SkyKnit does, so will have a better chance of being able to figure out how the rows relate to one another. HAT3000 was set up for success.
My first indication that something was going wrong was when the hats kept exploding into hyperbolic super-surfaces.
A pattern would start modestly enough with what could plausibly be the crown of a hat, but somewhere there would be an instruction that made the next row MUCH bigger than the previous row, and then the next row MUCH bigger than that. The later rows would turn floppy to fit all that length in while still attached to a much smaller row, and then the next rows would have to curl even more. Ruffles would turn to tight ruffles, and then to corals, and then to brains.
Here’s one rather innocently titled “Brim Hat Pattern #1708” which Ravelry user Persipan heroically crocheted all the way through the final row (or at least, halfway through that final row; we haven’t heard from them since, they’re probably okay). By Row 9, there are over 1700 stitches. Row 10 has 3500 stitches, took 9.75 hours to complete, and even that is nothing compared to the edging.
Almost all of HAT3000’s patterns did this, eating yarn, eating sanity, becoming more and more hyperbolic, threatening to collapse into black holes… why, since none of the example hats did this?
A few people explained it to me thus: It looks like it’s really hard for HAT3000 to NOT fill the planet with ruffly brains. Basically, since most hats are built from the center out, HAT3000 only knows how to make each circle bigger than the previous one, adding 1 new stitch for every 2 in the previous row, or, for the faster increases usually used at the center of a hat, as many as 5 or 8 stitches for every 1 in the previous row. That would still be okay if HAT3000 knew how to control its increases. Unfortunately, if it accidentally increases too much in 1 row, that excess increase gets multiplied by the next layer, which in turn gets multiplied again. The tiniest instability turns exponentially into yarn-eating disaster. Meanwhile, HAT3000 thinks it’s doing great because the pattern text itself is still very close match to what a human would do. It has no idea that its hat has exploded.
The worst offender is a pattern called simply “The End…” which by my calculations requires enough yarn to wrap the known universe in a ball of yarn about a billion light years thick.
Some of HAT3000’s patterns did actually produce hats, though they tended to all be tiny (probably because they had fewer rows and therefore fewer opportunities to begin suddenly expanding).
Other patterns produced not hats but strange artifacts, purpose unknown. Here’s the full pattern for one, called “Hang in Wind”:
Hang in Wind: Toss the pieces together. This is the windmill: Windmill in Wind: With a 1 cc ball of yarn, ch 14, join. Do not join, twist yarn to form a knot, or cut yarn.
Other patterns were equally inscrutable.
“New theory: HAT3000 didn’t want us to make hats for ourselves. We’re making hats for neural networks. Which are weird and amorphous and have dimensions and connections that humans cannot comprehend and also don’t really have heads.” - ScarlettTanager
One of the most entertaining aspects of the finetuned HAT3000 was how much of its original broad training it retained. Prompt it with the beginning of a story, and it could still add to the story in more or less the same style as the prompt. Hilariously, its strategy was now to gradually work the topic back toward crochet hats. In the paragraphs below, the prompt I gave HAT3000 is in bold. The AI did the rest.
Harry whirled to face Snape, heart beating hard. “Wh--What will you do?”
Snape’s eyes narrowed slightly and he lowered his wand, then stepped aside. As he approached behind Harry, he knelt down to kiss the front rim of Harry’s green-gloved hat as he pulled her closer. Snape slipped on the silk and reached in carefully, then unbuttoned Harry’s green-gloved hat. He looked Harry in the eyes and stroked her crown lightly before pushing on the seam of the hat to attach it. He finished on the front of Harry’s hat with a snap. With a light flourish he tied an extra strand of fabric, then another twist of silk, then another twist of silk.
HAT3000’s terrible crochet-themed erotica was even sometimes crochetable.
HAT3000 would sometimes turn its story prompts into things that were not crochet patterns exactly, but something strangely akin. Confrontations would turn into tightly choreographed fight scenes, the combatants weaving around and around each other. Villagers would build earthworks, walls, and moats in concentric circles. Recipes would turn into round cakes with dozens of stacked layers. Spaceships and adventuring heroes would follow complex and highly detailed routes. The trained model must have been able to draw some sort of connection between these various domains.
What have I learned from HAT3000? Like SkyKnit, it shows what unexpectedness happens when a neural net trainer, armed with approximately zero knowledge of a particular problem, nevertheless plows ahead and throws a neural net at it anyways. And like its knitting counterpart, HAT3000 owes its entire success to the creativity of human artists who took its often nonsensical patterns, fixed the bugs, and turned them into physical artifacts. I’d like to extend a huge thanks to the knitters and crocheters who sacrificed time, sanity, and yarn to satisfy the whims of these very weird AIs.
You can join the conversation, and crochet along, at the HAT3000 LSG thread (if you register first and don’t mind the swearing). There’s also a twitter thread that collects most of the patterns and many of the crocheted examples. There’s a big generated set of patterns here.
Subscribers get bonus content: I generated far more HAT3000 responses to story prompts than would fit in this post, but I picked some of my favorites to highlight as bonus material. I think they’re fascinating. If you have ever dreamt of a crossover between Star Wars/Harry Potter fan fiction and crochet, well YOU ARE IN LUCK.
You can order my book You Look Like a Thing and I Love You! It’s out November 5 2019.
Amazon - Barnes & Noble - Indiebound - Tattered Cover - Powell’s
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Seeing as how certain Anons loved the Condemnation of the Guilty talentswaps, I thought I’d try again! Let’s give a warm welcome to Myth, the Former Ultimate Barista!
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BACKSTORY AND TALENT
For all of her life, Myth has been living in a coffee shop that doubles as her home, along with her parents and two older sisters. The coffee shop (known as Latte Love) happened to start out as a collaboration between the Ultimate Pastry Chef (Myth’s father) and the Ultimate Mixologist (Myth’s mother). Coincidently, Myth’s two older sisters happened to be Ultimates before her, thanks to the fame of Latte Love, with her older sister being the current Ultimate Pastry Chef and her other older sister being the Ultimate Tea Master. Latte Love is famous for its wide selections of both drinks and pastries to enjoy with your beverage of choice, but it was catapulted into pure stardom thanks to a particular skill that Myth has, apart from her general hospitality and drink-mixing skills: latte art. Because of Myth’s adorable and expertly-crafted latte art, the popularity of Latte Love exploded, particularly on social media. Myth is also known for her romantic advice to her customers, despite not being in a relationship herself, which led to a lot of her customers finding love.
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RELATIONSHIPS
Wyre Anon, Former Ultimate Drummer
Wyre is the well-known drummer of the emo-grunge-rock band “FOZZIL HUNT”, and is famous for their wild drum solos and their equally wild personality. Wyre and Myth have been the best of friends, ever since they were little, and not even their busy schedules can keep them apart. When Wyre isn’t booked with tours and concerts, they always come to Latte Love and orders their usual, knowing that Myth would prepare their order with that signature sweet smile of hers. Wyre has a bit of a complex and love-hate relationship with a certain confrontational rebellion leader, and Myth always tries to pair them up, much to their protests.
Outfit: A red bandana on her head, elaborate makeup, a black tank top with her band’s logo on the front that shows off her tattooed arms, blue Jean shorts with brown holsters to hold her drumsticks in, black boots.
Anon Scar, Ultimate Drill Sargent
With a loud voice and a strict and heavily-concerned demeanor, Scar‘s personality makes her the perfect person to lead soldiers in their crusade for their country. Commonly regarded as a mother to her soldiers in tales of the battlefield, Scar yearns to hang up her uniform and go back to the good ol’ days of childhood leisure. Scar has a strict schedule, and always arrives at Latte Love by the time Myth turns the open sign. Scar seems to be enamored by the skittish and fanatic priest, and just seeing him makes her maternal instincts flair up. Despite finding Scar eccentric, Myth finds her stories fascinating, and tries to pair the sergeant and the priest.
Outfit: A tattered bandana version of her face mask, black sunglasses, a black tanktop with a camo jacket slung on her shoulders, dark green pants, boots from original design.
Fusion Anon, Ultimate Fashion Designer
Having gotten his start working at his mother’s boutique, Fusion draws the design of the garments, while his mother makes the actual garments. Fusion originally went to Latte Love purely to both gorge himself on pastries and caffeine, and sketch the outfits of the customers that frequent Latte Love. But now, he has a new goal in mind: helping Myth with pairing up the customers. Myth considers Fusion one of her most frequent customers, and finds it amazing that this svelte and proper gentleman can eat his weight in food. Fusion and Myth have a mutual respect for each other, and consider each other “partners in matchmaking“.
Outfit: A blue and yellow striped vest over a red dress shirt and a yellow bow tie, white gloves that hide his work injuries, a tape measure tied around his neck and arms, pants, glasses and shoes from his original design, always holds a sketchbook.
Fusion Anon II, Ultimate Gunslinger
Growing up as a fan of old westerns and historical fiction, Fusion II is a master when it comes to gunmanship and is especially skilled when it comes to the quick draw. Every good cowgirl needs a saloon, and Fusion II quickly established Latte Love as her saloon. But as much as Fusion II tries to play up the ”cool and stoic cowgirl” stint, it’s kind of hard to do that when she’s a bi disaster attracted to the oddly-energetic and childish bed tester. Myth can sympathize with Fusion II’s bi hangups and, as much as Fusion II tries to deny it, the sarcastic gun master really appreciates the kindly barkeep’s company.
Outfit: A silver cowboy hat, jacket from original design with a gold sheriff star pinned to the front, over a red flannel shirt and a blue bandana around her neck, blue jeans with a brown holster that houses her guns, steel-toed cowboy boots.
Just Anon, Ultimate Card Shark
Janon is a feared name in underground gambling tournaments, and for a good reason. With his unreadable face and his skill in the art of cheating and deception, Janon truly earned the epithet of “The Night Terror”. Gambling and lying seems to be the only two things that Janon really puts effort into doing, for he puts the upmost minimal effort into anything else. Janon regularly crashes at Latte Love and occupies one of the tables to take a snooze. Despite Janon claiming that he does it for snorts and giggles, Myth quickly found out the real reason: to check out the adorable delivery person that frequents the coffee shop.
Outfit: A white and pink fedora, mask from original design, a brown jacket with suit-themed pins, over a pink and black tie with a bunny pin, a black belt with a bunny buckle, brown pants, brown shoes.
Sparkle Anon, Former Ultimate Pinball Wizard
Known for her loud and eccentric fashion sense and her equally eccentric personality, Sparkle dominated pinball machine after pinball machine in every local, and even extralocal, arcade. Needless to say, Myth’s day instantly became weirder the very second Sparkle entered Latte Love and loudly announced her presence to everybody. But ever since Sparkle found out that her favorite mangaka frequents the cafe alongside their twin, Sparkle has frequented the cafe much more. Sparkle’s little celebrity crush on the mangaka didn’t go unnoticed by Myth, and she helps the loud wizard with vocalizing her feelings.
Outfit: A wizard hat and cloak that is colored with obnoxious 90’s-esque patterns, glasses and boots from original design.
Egg Anon, Former Ultimate Mangaka, and Wet Sock Anon, Former Ultimate Thanatologist
With their shared penchant of the horrific and cursed, this fearsome duo go about their interests in completely different ways. While Wet Sock takes a more cold and scientific approach to their interest in the macabre, Egg takes their macabre mindset and uses it to create popular horror manga. While they are thought of as a bane to the wholesome atmosphere of Latte Love, two people actually look forward to the twin’s presence: Sparkle and Myth. Despite Wet Sock’s severe denial of their feelings, Wet Sock still continues to stick around Myth’s desk, and Myth eventually found out the reason why: Wet Sock is head-over-heels for her.
Outfit: Both of them wear entirely black gakurans and glasses, but Egg has a pocket protector and ink-stained hands, and Wet Sock has a skull pin and dirt-stained hands.
Curious Anon, Jr. Ultimate Deliveryperson
From a young age, Curious has been working for a variety of companies as a door-to-door delivery person and is renowned for their punctuality and sweet smile. Curious is currently working under Latte Love, as its reliable coffee and pastry delivery person. Myth views Curious as a bit of a mystery. For example, she always gives Curious coffee to perk them up on night deliveries, but she never sees Curious actually drink the coffee. That, and she’s heavily concerned about the fact that a middle schooler is working full-time as a delivery person, and doesn’t seem to show any signs of being tired.
Outfit: An entirely green outfit consisting of a cap, polo shirt, pants and tennis shoes, with their hair in a small ponytail.
Anon Nerd, Former Ultimate Revolutionary
Born in a corrupt and dirt-poor city, Nerd grew up yearning for the government to be overthrown by someone actually worthy of leading, such as himself for instance. After gathering up a cavalcade of followers with his cynical, yet rousing, speeches, Nerd organized a revolution and managed to overthrow the government of the town, and lead the citizens to a healthier and more productive life. Nerd pities Myth and sees her as “a slave to the grain”, whatever that means. And with a loud and violent man, Myth paired him up with an equally loud and violent lady. Nerd is currently trying to seduce Wyre with loud protest songs.
Outfit: Same outfit from his original design but with a ragged green cape, a red armband, and a red megaphone clipped to his belt.
Eldritch Anon, Ultimate Priest
As a person born under the creators of a creepy cult from the middle of nowhere, Eldritch has been forced to conduct the religious proceedings of the cult, ever since he became a teenager. Needless to say, Eldritch hasn’t exactly been raised correctly, for he doesn’t seem to trust anyone who isn’t in his cult, and yearns to indoctrinate others into his religion. Unfortunately for the paranoid priest, he has fallen in love with someone outside of his fate, a maternal drill sargaent, and he is currently awaiting his divine punishment from his deity. And that blasted barkeep isn’t helping matters either.
Outfit: A black hooded cassock with oversized sleeves and a golden cross necklace,
Dream Anon, Ultimate Bed Tester
One review from Dream is enough to make or break entire bed companies, and she takes her talent very seriously. Despite what her talent and clothes would suggest, Dream is very energetic, has trouble standing still, and her hyper attitude is quite contagious to boot. Ever since she happened upon the coffee shop run by the nice barista, she has found the coolest girl ever: an actual cowgirl! Dream thinks it‘s very funny to watch the sharpshooter get all flustered and blushy when Dream gets too close to her. Myth always looks forward to Dream’s daily visits and her energy is enough to brighten up Myth’s day.
Outfit: A pink sleeping mask, a blue hoodie with a fluffy hood and a pink swirly pattern over a black t-shirt with a pink heart on the front, black and white pajama shorts, white socks and pink slippers, hair that reaches her mid-back.
Iris Anon, Jr. Ultimate Samurai
Before meeting Iris, Myth thought that samurai became extinct a long time ago. You would not believe Myth‘s disbelief of an actual samurai heiress not only existing in the modern day, but also eating at her cafe and actually liking the food. Just like with Fusion, Iris chose to help Myth out in her matchmaking endeavors, for she actually has romantic experience and can offer the patrons advice. While initially in disbelief that a middle schooler could have more romantic game than her, she decided to let the clumsy yet earnest samurai work her relationship magic, and it actually worked half of the time, much to Myth’s astonishment.
Outfit: A blue kimono with a yellow galaxy-like pattern all over, a silver katana sheath, white socks and brown geta sandals.
Purple Anon, Ultimate Statistical Analyst
Whenever Fusion gives his order out to Myth, he always adds candy to his order for somebody named “Purple”. When asked who Purple is or why she never eats or drinks at Latte Love, Fusion claims that Purple is really shy and never really leaves her house. However, Purple still manages to be an indirect assistant to Myth, Fusion and Iris’s matchmaking endeavors. Whenever any of the matchmakers have an idea, Fusion will text the idea to Purple, to get a statistical analysis on the success of the plan. Myth is truly grateful to Purple, for saving her chocolate-dipped bacon from failed plans, even though the two never met.
Outfit: A black jacket over a purple turtleneck and a red and black striped tie, skirt, stockings and shoes from original design, mid-back length hair in a ponytail and black fake glasses.
This series centers around Myth’s matchmaking misadventures, as she works hard to stir up romance between the eccentric customers of her coffee shop, along with the help of Fusion, Purple and Iris. Successful results may vary. Basically a Coffee Shop AU!
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APPEARANCE
Barista!Myth wears thick and square-rimmed glasses and her long hair in twin braids with a green hairband on top. As for her clothing, Myth wears a brown apron with Latte Love’s logo on the front, over a green turtleneck sweater, brown pants and black slip-on shoes.
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PERSONALITY
Barista!Myth carries herself with a calming and extroverted personality. However, Barista!Myth is a very low-energy extrovert, and is very content with just watching and conversing with people from behind her front desk. A lot of her younger customers compare her to a kind, patient and caring mom, and she’s just the person to talk to, if you want advice. Barista!Myth has a surprisingly amazing memory, and just by looking at her regulars, she can remember their name and their usual. Barista!Myth retains her love of matchmaking and terrible puns from Romantic!Myth.
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I hope you like this talentswap and don’t mind the rarepairs! If you don’t like the ships, let me know! Have a sweet week, everyanon!
-Fusion Anon
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I love this!!
#submission#anon#fusion anon#talentswap tuesday#art#not my art#fusion anon ii#purple anon#iris anon#just anon#curious anon#eldritch anon#sparkling anon#dream anon#wet sock anon#egg anon#anon nerd#anon scar#my evil twin#anon kg
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El Coyote
Introduction for non Spanish readers
For a quick summary, use a web translator to read the wiki article, for my own description, read on:
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/El_Coyote
As the name suggests, this was a postwar long series, of pulp western novels numbering about a hundred issues, by a Spanish author, a remake of the Zorro character of novel and film, in fact in the story the hero draws the inspiration from the example of the earlier hero and moved forward in time to the Far West times of the California Gold Rush and later decades (1849-1879). In fact they are the best Western novels I have read, and told from a Spanish perspective. El Coyote starts as a defender of the local Californian Spanish and indians against the abuses and violence of the American gringo invaders and criminals in the wake of the Gold Rush, and later on becomes a crime fighter, as law and order are established and the native Californians get equal status as US citizens, often helping American people and not just the Spanish speaking Californians, up to the point that despite his sympathies for the Confederacy, he strives to keep California loyal to the Union, if only to spare its population the ravages of civil war, and later on at one point renders a good service to President Ulysess Grant.
For a hack writer, Mallorquí, the author, was a very good writer with a great culture, knowledge of the history of the West and California, and a flair for character relationships, and a wide variety of plots other than the usual topics of Western films, including action packed shootouts, murder mistery, courtroom drama, and political intrigue to name a few. Since he wrote so many novels to pay bills, the quality is uneven. Some are great, others formulaic, and most of them just a entertaining, pleasant reading, in itself not a mean achievement.
About the character, the merit of Mallorquí is about making the Coyote a more complex character than the Zorro, and his public persona, that of wealthy, peaceful if not downright cowardly, bon vivant, and cynical landowner César de Echagüe and his family life as interesting as his heroic exploits as a masked avenger, combining in one man the duality of the Spanish character with its virtues and vices, half Quijote, half Sancho Panza.
Don Diego de la Vega is a fop, but it’s just an act to avoid suspicions while Don César de Echagüe, while also pretending to be a weakling, is a highly intelligent man, that makes him a hard realist and he sees the futility of the struggle against the new American order, but he fights injustices and abuses as El Coyote anyway out of a sense of justice and Christian morality but also as a thrill seeker in his youth, and driven by a death wish in his mid-life crisis after the death of his first wife while giving birth to his son.
Had Mallorquí been born in the USA he would have became famous, as it was, in his lifetime his books were published in other European countries and were very popular, of all places, in Finland.
These wonderful covers are from a reprint in the 1980s for nostalgic middle aged people that read them in their youth in the 1940s, and to save printing costs, they combined two novels in each volume. As a teenager I found the artwork gorgeous and the books mind blowing, and highly inspirational as they presented for me a Spanish hero as a counter to the American Hollywood culture that steamrollered over Europe, and on a personal level I was fascinated by one female character that appeared as one of the various lovers of El Coyote, an American adventuress that pretended to be a Russian princess made me feel intrigued and interested in that far away country and among other things lead me later in life to meet my Russian wife, who by a coincidence has the same name as the fictional princess.
It took me about twenty years to complete the collection as my older brother hadn’t bought them all when they were first reprinted, and I had to find them by chance throughout the years in flea markets and found the last ones thanks to the internet. Reading them in maturity, they don’t have the same impact as when I was impressionable uneducated teenager, and a few of them are formulaic and trite, but I still find them great reading, though I was shocked by the casual killing and the grisly realism of depictions of death, even though it doesn’t indulge in sadism, though torture is often mentioned as a matter of fact. Just like violence in the American Western movies, come to think of it.
Looking back, I must have been a bloodthirsty psychopath in my teens (so what has changed you may think). On the other hand these novels were written in the aftermath of the Spanish Civil War for a generation that had gone through war and mass political murders and repression so I guess readers, children included, were desensitized to killing and brutality back then. Though one thing that makes them apart from the American films and novels, is the strong moral values throughout. Not the American values of law and order and the Protestant work ethic, but Catholic values of justice and equality. El Coyote is a violent man that takes justice in his own hands, but also a Christian and there are strong injuctions against social divide, racism and exploitation of the poor by the rich.
And that’s all I can think of. I will try to scan and post more of these covers if there’s interest.
PS: dor some reason and due to the vagaries of color printing, the Mexican "charro" costume of the Coyote appears in these covers in a range of shades from purple to blue and with gold trimming. Actually both in the novels and the original period covers the suit is black, with silver piping, wich makes sense since the Coyote, as an outlaw usually acted at night and the black color made him a harder target. One has also to bear in mind that a eye mask and a sombrero were enough disguise at a time when there was no electric lighting and nobody could get a good look at his face.
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FIC: Blow By Blow ch.5 (baon)
Summary: Set the day after ‘With Brotherly LV’. Jeff is having his first day working at the Embassy, Stretch is having a bad anxiety day, Red is having a bad text day, and Edge is just having a day.
Tags: Spicyhoney, Established Relationship, Prejudice Against Monsters, Angst, Injury Recovery, Hurt/Comfort, LV Issues, Brother issues
Notes: My timeline is getting a little wonky due to a few drabble sets and shorts. So this chapter directly follows With Brotherly LV
Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4
~~*~~
Read Chapter 5 on AO3
or
Read it here!
~~*~~
When Edge turned his car down their street, he was not expecting to see Stretch and Red standing on the porch together. It sent his hackles up immediately. Red had seemed amused earlier, but he was ever mercurial and his moods could change quickly.
Stretch’s back was to the road, but Edge saw his brother’s eye lights flick briefly to him. It was impossible to know what they were saying without one of Red’s little bugs, lip reading wasn’t much use for those who lacked lips. But their stances were loose and casual, hands either in pockets or holding cigarettes. That Stretch was standing was also good sign, at least. Red hated when anyone crouched down to his level, and Stretch was perfectly fine with doing it just to annoy him.
They were bumping fists as Edge pulled into the driving, Red stepping back and vanishing before he could even open the door, sending his options for questioning down to one.
Stretch turned towards the driveway. In place of his bathrobe from that morning was an older hoodie of his, ratty and well-worn and track pants in the same state. On his feet were fluffy blue slippers. Comfort clothes that often made an appearance during his darker periods of depression.
It was not entirely a surprise to see, but the sight still ached.
He stayed where he was, crouching to tamp out his cigarette into the mostly-full ashtray on one of the steps. The fleetingly wary expression that crossed his face made Edge’s soul clench. He was afraid, not of Edge—
(no, never, he never had been)
—But of what Edge being here might mean.
Edge was more accustomed to Stretch flinging himself into his arms than he was to him staying on the porch to shuffle his slippered feet uncomfortably, hands shoved into his pockets. “hey, i didn’t go looking for him, he came here. i didn’t even text him again, so i didn’t break my promise—“
Normally, Edge loved to hear Stretch’s chatter; not now when it was struggling to be equal parts defensive and apologetic.
Edge strode rapidly up the walkway, only making it up the first two steps before cupping Stretch’s still moving jaw in both hands to draw him down into a kiss, cutting him off mid-babble. Surprise melted quickly away and Stretch matched it, sharing a quiet sigh between their mouths. He draped both arms over Edge’s shoulders, letting Edge take most of his weight as he leaned down into him.
Breaking it was done with the greatest reluctance and Edge didn’t let go, whispered to him, “Come on.”
He climbed the last porch step, sliding past Stretch to tug him into the house. Only to grunt in his own surprise when he was pushed back hard against the door as soon as it was closed, Stretch’s mouth on his again, hot and eager.
His mouth was always temptation itself, but Edge knew this distraction, Stretch trying to bury his fears beneath sex.
He thought fleetingly of the incident on the bus a year ago, was it only a year? Of Stretch’s fear after being attacked, his desperation.
Sex wasn’t the answer then and it wasn’t the answer now. Carefully, Edge twisted away, “Stop.”
That was enough for Stretch to freeze. He raised his head, stricken, and Edge touched his cheekbone, rubbed a gloved thumb along the line of it. “I want to talk.”
It shouldn’t be amusing the way Stretch visibly deflated at that, the last balloon the day after the party, but Edge kept his face impassive. He toed off his shoes, leaving them in an untidy pile on the mat before tugging Stretch over to the sofa.
The television was on, playing old reruns of Mythbusters. The volume was low, but it hardly mattered. Stretch could almost recite them by memory, loved all the episodes. Another sign that he was craving comfort, along with the rumpled blanket left on the sofa cushions.
Edge took a moment to turn the television off before he sat. Stretch flopped down next to him, but Edge didn’t allow him to slump back. Instead, he pulled Stretch into his arms, lying back until they were sprawled together across the cushions, Stretch mostly on top of him with his skull settled on Edge’s ribcage. They were more on the blanket than not, but there was enough to pull it over them, tucking it in around them until they were tangled cozily together.
For a long moment, Edge only held him close, basking in the feel of Stretch’s light weight against him, the sweet aroma of his magic. Sex might be off the table, but like hell was he withholding his affection.
Until Stretch shifted, asking hesitantly, “edge?”
It was almost strange to hear his name; he was so accustomed to Stretch’s various pet names, from simply ‘babe’ and into the territory of absurd.
"Sometimes it’s easier for me to talk about certain things when you aren't looking at me," Edge admitted. He kissed the top of Stretch's skull. “Besides, I like holding you."
Stretch nodded a little, deliberately snuggling in closer. “i’m sorry about earlier,” he mumbled, “it was stupid, i’m really stupid sometimes.”
Gently, Edge rubbed a hand down Stretch’s spine, feeling every individual bump of his vertebrae through his sweatshirt. “Rus? Can I ask you to do something?”
He squirmed, asking with a note of curiosity, “yeah?”
"Please, try not to talk about my husband that way.” There was a faint hitch in Stretch’s breathing, hardly more than stutter. Edge only kept up with rubbing his back soothingly. “I wasn’t lying to you earlier, but you were right, I’ve been withholding the complete truth. And I can’t complain about you not telling me things if I’m doing the same thing.”
“you don’t have to—“
“Hush,” Edge said, but he softened it with another kiss on top of his skull. “Yes. I do.
With his teeth, he took hold of the fingertip of one of his gloves, peeling it off. Carefully, he took one of Stretch’s hands in his own, bones scraping lightly as their fingers entwined. If Stretch didn’t have a choice about showing his vulnerabilities, then the least he could do was offer one of his own.
Quietly, Edge told him, "You've always been the most complex puzzle I've ever found."
He could feel Stretch smile, imagined the wry twist of his mouth. "wow, thanks."
"You're welcome because it's meant as a compliment,” Edge said, unapologetically. "I may not have liked you when we met, but you've always fascinated me on some level." Stretch shifted uncomfortably and Edge sighed. "That sounds cold, I know, but it’s the truth.” He slipped his hand beneath Stretch’s shirt, still-gloved fingertips gentle as he pet his spine in small, soothing strokes. “To be honest, it’s difficult to remember now how it felt not to love you. But I spent all afternoon trying to solve this new puzzle you've given me, and I think I have."
"i don't think i gave you a puzzle?”
"Just because it wasn't on purpose doesn't mean you didn't. And I came to realize that you don't lie to me when it benefits you. You lie when you think it's best for me."
"edge…" Weakly, unable to protest.
"I understand it," Edge told him, because he did, all too well. "I do the same. But it doesn’t work, love. You can't protect me from…well. You. And I don't want you to. I love you, all of you, and I'm not about to start picking you apart now to play favorites. I chose some time ago to love you as a whole. So what I'm asking is for you to try to be truthful with me. I'll try to do the same."
"okay." No promise, but that was all right. Edge wasn’t about to demand one that Stretch might not be able to keep.
He sighed, heavily, because this was a truth that needed to be said even if he didn’t want to. “I’m not sure what Red’s told you, so I’m going to start from the beginning.” He closed his sockets, trying to choose his words carefully. “I've been struggling with my LV lately, you know that much. It's always something I've needed to keep a tight control on, but this flare up has been particularly difficult. Seeing An…Jeff,” he amended, but he felt Stretch's reluctant smile. "Seeing him hurt, being unable to protect him was upsetting, to put it mildly. Especially knowing it could have been you."
"babe—“
Edge interrupted him, gently, but firmly, "I know you'd like to tell me that you wouldn't have been hurt, but this is how I feel, you can't argue that away."
Stretch nodded reluctantly, his cheek dragging against Edge’s shirt and Edge continued.
"Once it’s aggravated, it takes time for me to get it back under control and until then, my temper will be short. It’s especially bad when I wake up in the middle of the night,” Edge hesitated, because he didn’t even like thinking it, forcing out. “I've been worried about hurting you."
He had to tighten his grip, holding on as Stretch tried to squirm away and there was a note of real anger in his voice, “no. no, no, no, you would not hurt me, you'd never hurt me."
"And I don't want to hurt you. But accidents can happen.” It was difficult to say, and Stretch went still as Edge deliberately traced a path down Stretch’s face where he’d had his own bruises once. “It has happened and that was only from you startling me when I hadn’t been struggling. Love, I’m not exaggerating when I’m saying this is a bad one. I was close to suggesting you stay for a few days with Blue, just in case I lashed out at night."
That smaller voice, filled with unhappiness was not one he associated with Stretch, not in a very long time, “you’ve never hurt me while you were sleeping."
"Never isn't forever,” Edge said. But he gave Stretch a gentle squeeze. “And that would certainly be a last resort. I'm not about to ask you to leave our home, not if I wasn't sure it was necessary.”
“I’m telling you all this because you need to know, and it ties in to this.” Edge drew their joined hands up to his face, held them lightly against the bruises, “Sparring helps me deal with it. Exhausting it would be a good way to describe it, I suppose. I didn’t lie about that, Red and I were sparring. But I think perhaps it’s not in the way you’re familiar with.”
"if you need someone to spar with, i could help?” A little uncertainly.
"No," Edge said immediately. The very idea made a lick of heat flicker in his soul. "It's not that I don't appreciate the offer, love, but…I couldn't bear it if I ever hurt you." he said, quietly. "I could not. And I think struggling with the idea I might would make sparring with you pointless. Red and I have sparred since we were children, and I still worry I might hurt him, but I’m familiar with his attack style enough that it’s less of a concern."
And I don’t want you to see me like that, but that was a truth Edge would not be sharing.
The temptation of Stretch’s hand so close was impossible to resist. Edge pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles, speaking against his palm, "I know you're concerned that he's attacking too hard. He can't go easy on me, or it won't help, and I'd rather endure a thousand bruises like this one than ever hurt you because of a LV flareup."
“but it’s helping?”
“Some,” Edge admitted. “And once we see Alphys tomorrow, that’s one less worry to stir it up.” He hoped.
Stretch ignored that, finally twisting away from Edge’s hold to lean up on an elbow, his gaze intent. “look, i don’t know if this would help, but. have you ever thought about talking to a therapist yourself?”
Every part of him unanimously and vehemently rejected the idea. But that wasn’t fair to Stretch, not when he’d been the one to insist Stretch go when he was struggling. Even if the idea of confessing to anyone things that happened in Underfell held no appeal.
“I’ll consider it,” Edge said reluctantly.
That seemed to be enough to satisfy him. He flopped back into Edge’s arms and if he was clinging a little too tightly, Edge didn’t protest.
“There’s one other thing I want to say,” he drew Stretch in close, whispering into his audial canal, “I need you to know that even if we argue, even if I’m furious with you, you could never make me push you away. You could never make me leave. It’s easy for me to say, but I think it’s hard for you to believe.”
“i don’t…”
“That’s all right, you know. It is. I’ll simply keep saying it and eventually it’ll stick. All right?”
“okay,” Stretch agreed, grudgingly, “is that everything?”
“I think so.”
Stretch shifted, craning his neck so that his chin dug uncomfortably into Edge’s ribcage. He met Edge’s gaze, eye lights pleading as he asked hopefully, “then can we have sex now?”
Edge chuckled and hugged him hard. Stars, he loved this idiot so much. He let his voice drop into a husky murmur, “I can’t think of a reason not to.”
With a little effort, he helped Stretch wriggle free of the blanket, grunting as he caught an unruly elbow in the ribs. Until Stretch was straddling him, grinding their pelvises together through their clothes.
That talk was one of the most difficult parts of his day, but losing himself in both Stretch’s body and his love was the simplest.
For a time, there was nothing but delicate bone against him, soft cries that poured free, unashamed and lovely.
When they were straining together, dripping with pleasure and sweat, Edge whispered desperately to Stretch, pleading hoarsely, “Let me see your soul?”
His love never hesitated, offered him that silver purity without a hint of LV, and he held it carefully in his bare hand, reverently. Held it as his husband gasped and quivered, held it as he collapsed against him, until it finally faded back, leaving Edge both content and bereft.
“I love you,” Edge whispered, the easiest truth to share, loved this precious, foolish, wonderful person.
“love you, too,” Stretch mumbled, more breath than words.
Edge only held him impossibly closer and believed him.
~~*~~
TBC
#spicyhoney#papcest#keelywolfe#underfell#underswap#underfell papyrus#underswap papyrus#by any other name
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✨ 💕 💔 💢 all of them
✨ what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?
lego movies: there’s just something so lively and fun about them... the world they exist in and craft throughout the four warner brothers lego movies is fascinating and complex and has a lot of nuance to it that makes rewatching the movies a delight just to catch little things that got missed the first time around! the characters are vibrant and lively and there’s not really any who fall flat (outside of the lego ninjago movie but the main lego movies are my focus), there’s a lot of tropes that i personally enjoy (particularly the meta stuff, i love meta humor), and the style itself is gorgeous and unique. using CG to mimic stop motion? that’s genius, and it makes for a beautiful set of films
danny phantom: danny phantom as a series is just a bundle of a trillion of my favorite tropes and the amount of content that can be created from it is truly overwhelming. part of the allure of danny phantom is actually the fandom, for once, because while it’s not free of issues, there’s a sense of continuity. there’s a lot of widely accepted fanon in there, including whole fandomwide ocs, and it’s really something spectacular. i’m a sucker for the supernatural and superheroes, and danny phantom mingles the two nicely.
greek mythology: greek myth is one of those things that just perfectly slides into the academic portion of my brain, tbh. it’s a vast mythos with colorful characters and epic stories and quirky anecdotes and scraps of information spread across history, and the fact that it can be collected and looked at and interpreted even today? it’s super interesting and good. for a mostly dead religion, it’s still fairly ubiquitous in society, and i love seeing all of the variations on each story, seeing what various places thought were fit to keep or discard.
pokemon: pokemon, as a franchise, is immensely soothing. you get to raise animals and befriend them and play with them, winding your way through the countryside, facing challenges and stopping strife. the characters are memorable, the pokemon designs are generally really appealing, and the lore is crafted in such a way that it feels like something you could examine for a long time. there’s a lot of heart in it, and it shows.
💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!
lego movies: you’re expecting me to put rex, aren’t you. i’ve given my diatribes on rex fucking dangervest enough, i’m talking about my original fave, gcbc. gcbc is a charming character with a neat concept, embodying the lego minifigs with two faces as a single character, providing some of the only positive DID representation i’ve ever seen. liam neeson’s voice acting for them is really stellar, and back in 2014/15, i read all of the gcbc-centric fics i could get my hands on. they’re just interesting to examine.
danny phantom: i’m betting you’re also expecting me to talk about danny’s evil future self because i’m a predictable shit, but NO i refuse. clockwork is one of my favorite fucking characters of anything ever, because he embodies the whole ‘father time’ concept in a neat way, transitioning from child to adult to elder as a constant cycle. he’s also clever and witty and makes a good mentor, showing consequences for actions without forcing danny’s hand. clockwork is just great, honestly,,,
greek mythology: everyone in greek myth is terrible all the time, but dionysus is really fun? he’s a male god who got raised as a girl, so like, trans rights, he’s equal parts party god and brain ruiner, he’s got a million conflicting portrayals that make him fun to examine, and he’s actually one of the oldest gods in the pantheon in terms of historicity. there’s more to him than meets the eye, for sure, and his myths are fun.
pokemon: i really love zinnia... she’s a badass dragon lady who’s super lively and fun, she kicks ass and knows she does, she nearly wrangles rayquaza themself in order to save the world... god i just adore her
💔 tell us about one of your LEAST favorite characters and why you dislike them.
lego movies: lord business don’t even fucking look at me i swear to god, capitalist ass bitch, abusive boss supreme, tyrannous dickmunch,
danny phantom: it’s kind of hard to place least faves? if i have to choose, though, probably gregor. he’s a one-off asshole liar trying to get into sam’s pants, gregor gets no rights.
greek mythology: HEY ZEUS QUIT BEING A DICK, YOU TOO KRONOS, AND GAIA—
pokemon: hey. hey ghetsis. hey lusamine. look at me. be better parents. fuck you
💢 what do you NOT like about your hyperfixation? is there something you would want to change about it?
lego movies: tlm2 was weaker than the first due to the change of directors, i’m happy that we got rex and watevra and mayhem, they’re all fun and great, but the characterization of everyone is really fucking off and emmet gets treated like shit when he doesn’t deserve it. my rage over rex’s fate is well documented, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. i think often about a hypothetical tlm2 that actually resolved things and kept people in character and featured gcbc for more than 5 seconds
danny phantom: butch hartmann can suck my ass AND DO NOT FUCKING TALK TO ME ABOUT LIVIN’ LARGE AND PHANTOM PLANET THOSE TRAIN WRECKS DO NOT EXIST IN THIS HOUSE
greek mythology: why did the ancient greeks like incest and rape so much what the fuck is your goddamn deal guys just chill out and suck a dick that isn’t your cousin’s
pokemon: i’m very fucking angy about the pokemon company trying to wring money out of people with swsh, everyone i know who’s played it has enjoyed it but the fact that there’s expensive dlc for a pokemon game like this, that you can never have all of the pokemon in the game, the fact that even one game is the cost of a double pack for the previous ones, it irks me deeply
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Ships: Spuffy, Bangel, Xanya, Cole/Phoebe, Piper/Leo, Prue/Andy, Suliet, Skate, Jate, Jacket
Wow, that’s a lot of ships! Thanks so much for sending them in! I actually love writing about this stuff so the more the merrier :) I’ve tried to keep this as short as I could, but due to the number of ships it did get a little long, so I’ll put the rest under the cut.
Some warnings before you read: anti-Spuffy, anti-Xanya, anti-Pleo and anti-Skate (not really, but I do criticise these ships and so it’s better safe than sorry).
Spuffy
It’s perfect timing for me to write about Spuffy because I’ve just recently done a Buffy re-watch, so their relationship is fresh in my mind. When it comes to Buffy and Spike, I’m actually pretty neutral about their relationship. I’m not a hardcore shipper but I’m also not anti Spuffy either. It’s always a relief when there’s two opposing ships (in this case Spuffy and Bangel) and you’re able to enjoy both (although I do prefer Bangel).
Before I get into actually talking about the relationship itself, I want to say that I do think that Buffy and Spike’s relationship was quite forced. It’s clear to me that when Spike was first introduced onto the show there weren’t any plans to make him a main character and put him into a relationship with Buffy. Generally speaking, it doesn’t even make sense that Spike survives until season 7 since Buffy has absolutely no reason to keep him around. He’s a vampire without a soul and Buffy is the Slayer, she kills Spike’s kind every single day without blinking. The only exception to that is Angel because he has a soul, so it doesn’t make sense that Buffy just allows Spike to hang around Sunnydale. It becomes more complicated when he has the chip because technically he can’t harm anyone and he starts to prove useful, but even then it’s hard to understand why Buffy doesn’t kill him. Spike getting his soul at the end of season 6 is also forced, because narratively it makes no sense. Angel is a unique, one-of-a-kind vampire who was cursed with a soul as punishment. No vampire (whether they are in love or not, which is a topic of debate because can soulless vampires even love?) would voluntarily seek out their soul. It’s a heavy burden to bear after centuries as a vampire and I don’t buy that Spike would want to do this. Also, Spike’s entire character is build on this idea of him being a one-of-a-kind soulless vampire that is capable of showing a lot of human emotion and whose behaviours and perceptions change as a result of the chip, so giving him a soul kind of detracts from that. Overall, I feel that Spike getting a soul was only written because Whedon decided he wanted to continue pursuing the Spuffy romance but realised after season 6 that he couldn’t logically do that until Spike had a soul. As a result, the Spuffy relationship doesn’t make sense from a narrative stand-point. Spike was an antagonist that should’ve left the show or been killed off at some point during season 3, but his character was so popular and well-liked that Whedon wanted to find a way to write him in permanently and developing a romance with Buffy was the most feasible way of doing that.
Putting that aside, in seasons 1-4 I enjoy Spuffy’s dynamic and the way they bicker at each other immensely. Buffy and Spike as individual characters have bags of personality and when they come together they’re always entertaining and they draw me in. In season 5 their relationship enters a new phase when Spike develops a crush on Buffy. The thing is with the Spuffy relationship in general is that you have to take it at face value. In my opinion, it is not a “serious” relationship and certainly not feasible as a long-term relationship, because of the nature of it. However, it’s a fascinating ship that explores the complexities of mental health and toxic relationships, and how the two can overlap and feed one another.
Spike’s feelings for Buffy develop out of a dark and twisted obsession whereby he gets off on the fact that Buffy’s his nemesis, that she’s strong and fierce and violent towards him. His obsession for her becomes so strong that he consistently stalks her (which is common amongst vampires, who are naturally predatory creatures) and forces Warren to build him a Buffybot. The Buffybot alone represents everything wrong with their relationship. Spike creates a sex doll that looks exactly like Buffy that will be his slave; that’s so unhealthy and is unacceptable on every level. However, it’s perfectly aligned with Spike’s behaviour and urges as a soulless vampire. I see all this stuff about how Spike with a soul still wasn’t that bad but I think it’s overlooked that he still had naturally dark tendencies and instincts as a vampire. He didn’t seek out Buffy because he wanted a loving, committed relationship with someone who was his equal, he sought her out because he enjoyed the “rough and tumble” and was fascinated with the apparent “darkness” and “death” he saw in Buffy and got a kick out of being the one to push her to that dark place. When their sexual relationship develops, it’s as unhealthy as Spike’s crush has been up until that point, because it evolves out of Buffy’s depression which Spike actively encourages. Instead of supporting Buffy through her depression, he feeds it by telling her she no longer belongs with her friends and that she belongs with him in the “shadows”. It’s a very toxic and unhealthy relationship for both Buffy and Spike. Although Spike doesn’t have a soul, it’s emotionally distressing for him to endure the treatment he gets from Buffy. She actively goes to him and sleeps with him but then discards him and tears him down and refuses to acknowledge him as a human being (which is fair since he’s technically not). It’s very harmful to Buffy who carries the immense guilt and shame of her feelings and how she’s behaving. Plus, as I mentioned above, it feeds her depression and self-destructive behaviour. But like I said, you have to take Spuffy at face value and I can’t criticise the ship for any of this. It’s actually what I like about them. They’re supposed to be dark and twisted, they’re supposed to be bad for each other, they’re supposed to push each other to the deepest darkest corners of what they’re capable of and that’s exactly what they do.
In reality, Spuffy’s relationship is a complex metaphor for the human psyche. Spike is symbolically the monster inside Buffy and when she uses and abuses him she’s punishing herself. Spike is Buffy’s way of self-destructing, of trying to emotionally make sense of the hollowness she feels inside. Spike allows it and revels in it because he’s a creature of darkness and death. What he experiences with Buffy is normal to him as a vampire. He loved Drusilla as truly as a soulless vampire can love, but it was a very dark and twisted love whereby they did terrible things with and to each other and got pleasure and enjoyment out of that. Spike tries to pursue a similar relationship with Buffy, but the problem is that it doesn’t work because Buffy is human. She’s not physically, emotionally or mentally capable of engaging in the type of relationship or behaviours Spike expects or enjoys without it having a profound negative impact on her.
It’s probably an unpopular opinion coming from a Bangel shipper, but I actually really like the way Spuffy are written up until season 7. Even the dreaded attempted rape scene from Seeing Red (which is still to this day one of the most controversial and debated scenes from any fandom I’m part of) makes sense in the context of the relationship. I respect Whedon for writing that in, because as hard as it was to film for SMG and James, and how horrific, upsetting and controversial it is, it feels like a natural culmination of their relationship and the path its on in season 6. It shows how wrong that relationship is and it’s a reminder that regardless of how different Spike may seem from other soulless vampires, he is still a vampire without a soul. Whether you love him or hate him, it’s a clear statement that he is a monster and that’s very important to establish and to remember. It also reinforces what we’re told and shown throughout the season, which is that Buffy cannot love him because he’s a monster. That one line she says, “Ask me again why I could never love you” is such an incredibly powerful one and despite the horror of the scene, it’s probably one of my favourites because of how much is conveyed with just one sentence.
Moving on from their relationship in season 6 (because I could discuss it all night), the fact that I like the way Spuffy are written in season 6 is why I don’t like the way they are written in season 7. Everything about the relationship in season 7 feels forced and inorganic. It isn’t a progression of their relationship from season 6, it’s like Whedon hit the reset button and tried to rewrite them as a fresh new ship without the weight of their history. The problem is, in doing that he fundamentally changes what Buffy and Spike are. Spike getting a soul could never change the fact that Buffy is incapable of loving him. Buffy has told Spike that he’s beneath her, she’s called him a thing, told him numerous times she cannot and will never love him and the nature of their relationship in season 6 only reaffirms those feelings she has. Buffy doesn’t have any positive feelings towards Spike in seasons 1-6, and getting a soul doesn’t magically fix or change that. From my perception, the person Spike fundamentally is isn’t someone that Buffy could love. Even if she’d met him as a human, she would never look twice at him. So Buffy’s characterisation has to be sacrificed in season 7 in order for her relationship with Spike to develop. The Buffy Summers I know and love would never pursue a romantic relationship with Spike soul or no soul and it doesn’t matter how much I appreciate their dynamic in seasons 1-6, I can’t get past that and as a result I can’t enjoy them in season 7 because it doesn’t fit with how I perceive those characters and their relationship.
This has got incredibly long, so I’ll wrap it up by saying that I enjoy and appreciate Spuffy in seasons 1-6, because I accept them for what they are. In season 6, it’s unhealthy, it’s destructive and it’s toxic, but it’s also a push and pull dynamic. I don’t perceive just Buffy OR Spike to be the victim in that relationship, they are both victims (excluding Seeing Red, where Buffy is obviously the only victim). It’s an important relationship in exploring Buffy’s mental state in season 6 and season 6 wouldn’t be what it is without Spike and Spuffy.
Bangel
I already shared my opinion on Bangel before, you can read it here.
Xanya
I really don’t have any opinions on this ship, I’m completely indifferent to them. They don’t stand out to me as being a particularly special ship in terms of their chemistry or story, but I also don’t dislike them. I personally still think that Xander was gay and that Whedon should’ve pursued that path with him because it would’ve made more sense, but he chose to write Willow as the gay character instead and god forbid we have more than one LGBT character from the main ensemble cast *gasp*
Cole/Phoebe
I really like Phoebe and Cole as a ship (you can read more of my opinions on them here and here) and think that over the years people have jumped on the bandwagon about how “toxic” and bad for each other they were, but they actually had a lot of positive qualities. Phoebe and Cole had great chemistry and passion, they were very well matched and their love endured so much. They were star-crossed lovers that were mortal enemies but that fell in love with each other and fought tooth and nail to make their relationship work. Their relationship is proof that the age old cliche of “love conquers all” is simply not true. Phoebe and Cole were deeply in love but their love wasn’t enough and no matter how many times they tried or how long and hard they clung onto each other, they couldn’t make it work. What I like about their relationship is that it carries an important message that we don’t always end up with the person who is the love of our life. There’s an expectation that most of us have that we will find the love of our life and be with them until the day we (or they) die, but in many instances that’s not the case. Phoebe and Cole are a testament to that and prove that even if the relationship doesn’t last, the love two people share is still important and will always stay with them. Piper/Leo
I’ve briefly discussed Piper and Leo before here, but I’ll go into more detail. Surprisingly, I’m not a very big Pleo shipper. I like them but I just don’t buy into them as the epic true love story that they’re sold to us as being. Generally, Leo as a character is rather one-dimensional and I think that Piper could’ve had a much better love interest. Leo is defined by his “goodness” as a Whiteligher and although his arc takes a darker twist in season 6, it rarely strays from that narrative. Over the years as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed the complete lack of development they have and when Piper has her big realisation that she’s in love with Leo in Love Hurts, it’s not very earned. Throughout season 1 Piper is attracted to Leo, they have a few interactions and sleep together, but he’s not really that significant in her life. Piper barely knows anything about him other than the fact that he’s a handyman and there’s not much of a basis there for her to fall in love with him. In season 2, when the whole love triangle comes into play with Leo and Dan, it makes even less sense because Dan actually makes much more sense as a love interest for Piper. He’s “normal” (Piper talks often about how she craves for normality in her life), he’s reliable, he’s present in her daily life, he’s sweet, considerate, romantic and attractive. All of the problems that Piper has in her relationship with Leo - him being magical and his prolonged absences - directly contrast Dan. Dan doesn’t pose any of those problems, so the question is why does Piper love Leo more than Dan?
I suppose this issue taps into a fundamental aspect of the Piper and Leo relationship that they’re destined and soul mates. When it comes to destiny and soul mates, it’s hard to then argue that a couple is underdeveloped, because their connection is routed in a cosmic bonding of souls which is difficult to quantify. And despite their lack of development in seasons 1 and 2, I do buy into them being soul mates as the seasons progress. The way in which they consistently find their way back to each other and overcome obstacles to be with each other solidifies them as being soul mates. I particularly like their relationship in seasons 4 and 5 when they’re at their strongest and most united.
However, as I mentioned in the post I’ve linked above, I have a lot of issues with the way they were ripped apart at the end of season 5 in Oh My Goddess. That whole plot felt incredibly forced to me and I would’ve much preferred that Piper and Leo were able to stay together for the remainder of the series without some ridiculous obstacle being thrown in their way just for the sake of it. By that point they’d already had to overcome Leo being a Whitelighter, the love triangle with Dan, getting the Elders to accept their romance and having a baby. It was hardly a smooth ride for them and to rip them apart when Wyatt was still so young was particularly cruel and unfair. Although they tried to get the relationship back on track and re-establish them, it never felt quite right to me after that. I love the love scene between them in The Courtship of Wyatt’s Father, but everything else about the way their relationship is written in season 6 is awful. Piper hiding her pregnancy from Leo is incredibly OOC for her and Leo being a neglectful father is also very OOC. I appreciate that in season 7 their relationship is quite representative of the rough patches that a lot of long-term relationships go through and that they’re basically “on the rocks”, but I still don’t like how they’re written. The whole season is basically Piper babysitting Leo and worrying about him non-stop, up until The Seven Year Witch, which I’ll admit is one of the most romantic episodes for Piper and Leo and finally gets their relationship back on track.
Overall, I like Piper and Leo together, but I don’t love them together. I think their love endured a lot and that ultimately they were soul mates, but I also think that their relationship didn’t really start to be anything particularly special until around season 3. Therefore, the writers could’ve ended her relationship with Leo in season 1 and I wouldn’t have been shocked and thought, “But hold on, Leo was the love of Piper’s life he needs to come back”, because I just don’t think they had the development at that stage for him to be considered so important (despite what the writing tells us very early on). The sisters could’ve got a new Whitelighter from season 2 onwards (which would’ve been a good opportunity to bring fresh blood onto the show) and Piper could’ve had another long-term love interest whether it be Dan or someone entirely new, and I could’ve bought that as much as I buy into Piper and Leo.
Prue/Andy I’ve spoken about Prue and Andy before here and I don’t really have much more to add. I think they’ve a very underrated ship that had a lot of potential. They were incredibly well matched and I believe that Paige and Henry’s relationship in season 8 provides insight into the kind of relationship Prue and Andy could’ve had if they had both survived. Suliet
I’ve shared my feelings about Suliet already here. I don’t have much more to add than what I’ve already said in my previous post, except I absolutely adore Sawyer and Juliet as a ship. It’s a rare thing to be able to convey so much depth and emotion in such a short time-span, but the LOST writers pulled it off perfectly. Their relationship is the perfect culmination of their character development and two unlikely people coming together results in the most beautiful relationship. It’s sad that we don’t get more flashbacks of their time in Dharmaville and the earlier days of their relationship, but nonetheless, what we are given was beautiful. Their reunion scene in the Flash Sideways is still one of my all time favourite LOST scenes. The emotion and connection in that scene captures everything that they are and confirms that they’re soul mates, which is particularly poetic since Juliet walks way from him in season 5 because she thinks they’re not meant to be together. How wrong was she? #soulmates #meanttobe Skate
I’ve spoken quite in-depth about Skate previously, here and here. I appreciate and enjoy their dynamic, but from my perspective the romantic aspect of it was always very one-sided. They made more sense to me as friends and I understood them as friends. I think they were just too similar to work in a relationship and like I said with Spuffy above, I always felt that there was something deeply ingrained in Kate that prevented her from ever being able to love Sawyer in a romantic sense. She definitely loved him and at certain points she had romantic feelings for him, but it was never strong enough; it was never secure or absolute. That’s the reason they never worked as a couple because even when she tried to be with him, she was never fully there. But that’s because she was always in love with Jack, which brings me nicely onto the next ship.Jate
My recent LOST re-watch reminded me how much I actually like Jack and Kate as a pairing. I’ve always shipped them but I’ve never been particularly hardcore for them (my favourite LOST ship has always been Suliet or Demond and Penny), but I really noticed on my re-watch how much they loved each other. What’s great about it though is that it’s not a very in-your-face relationship. If you’ve only watched the show once or haven’t watched it in a while it’s easy to build up this perception in your head that it’s very Jack-Kate centric, but it’s not really. It is very Jack-Kate centric in regards to the attention their individual characters get and the amount of scenes they have together, but the actual romantic aspect of their relationship doesn’t get much focus. It’s obvious that they’re in love, but it’s just built into the natural dynamic they have with each other. Primarily when they’re on the island they’re friends and partners who are each other’s constant source of support. They’re fiercely loyal to each other and that aspect of their relationship is easy to overlook, but every single time one of them makes a decision the other is there backing them up, even if they might not always necessarily think it’s the right decision. They’re always a team and they work together and trust each other implicitly. With any ship there’s the whole “I’ll do anything for you” mantra that we all feel when we’re in love, but with Jack and Kate you see that all the time. They will literally do anything for each other. No matter what life or death situation they’re in, they will always go back for each other if one of them is left behind (this is why I have slight issues with the last season, because Kate leaving Jack behind to die is very OOC and generally the two of them being separated for most of their time on the island doesn’t make sense). Despite how manipulative Kate can be, they’re equals and I think what initially draws them to each other is the strength they see in each other. From the second they meet on the island they see each other’s determination and sheer will in getting off the island and protecting everybody. Kate spends her life on the run, hiding who she is from the world, but with Jack he just sees her and her spirit. Even when he finds out about her crimes, he never really needs her to explain because he accepts her for who she is and trusts that what he sees of her is exactly who she truly is. It’s such a well-crafted slow burn relationship that is established from the pilot and is consistently built upon until the final episode. Everything that happens between them feels earned because of that time and attention that’s given to establishing them. From the second they walk into each other’s lives they bond and that bond is unbreakable. It just makes me sad, that just like with Suliet, we didn’t get enough scenes of them being a normal, happy couple. But the scenes we do get are well selected and perfectly encapsulate everything they’re about as a couple.
Jacket
Can I just say first of all, that this ship name is quite comical? All I picture is a denim jacket when I see this haha. It’s good that I get to speak about Jack and Juliet actually, because my re-watch made me see them in a different light. In the past I was always “eh” about Jack and Juliet. I never really understood why it was written for it to then just be erased before it even had chance to develop. However, my eyes have been opened to the immense potential this ship had. The thing is with the Jack-Kate-Sawyer-Juliet love square, is the writers really could’ve chosen to go in any direction with the pairings and it would’ve worked - we got Jack/Kate and Sawyer/Juliet and that worked, we could’ve had Kate/Sawyer and Jack/Juliet and that would’ve worked and we even could’ve had Jack/Sawyer and Kate/Juliet, god knows the chemistry and tension was there to make it work!
Jack and Juliet are generally overlooked and forgotten as a pairing because of how fast they were brushed off, but they had great development. In a way, Jack and Juliet’s relationship starts off as a kind of Stockholm Syndrome; Jack is a prisoner and Juliet is the captor. Juliet knows everything about Jack and purposefully uses clever emotional manipulation to get the desired outcome from him. Jack knows this, he knows that she’s playing him and that she’s acting on behalf of Ben who is dictating to her what to do, yet he develops a complex emotional bond with her because of the kindness she shows him and the fact that she’s the only human companionship he gets. When you’re locked up in a cell with no human contact and nothing to do, all you have to look forward to is the person who’s visiting you everyday to bring food. Jack falls into a routine with Juliet where he goes and sits against the wall when she enters and he brings her sandwiches with toothpicks (notice how this becomes a sort of weird connection between them which they both make reference to later on as they become friends). Jack is naturally a very good judge of character; he’s able to read people and situations very well and from the get go his instincts tell him that Juliet is a good person. Very early on he’s able to distinguish between her and the rest of the Others, even before he builds up complete trust in her, he still senses that she’s the most reliable and that she may actually help him escape.
But it’s not just Jack that builds a bond with Juliet. Juliet also builds one with Jack. We know from flashbacks that Juliet has had a rather lonely existence on the island. She’s been separated from her sister, the most profound connection she has in her life, and the one bond she establishes on the island - with Goodwin - is taken away from her by Ben. Ben’s obsession with Juliet leads him to purposefully isolate her and as a result she’s very lonely. When she meets Jack she is sent in by Ben to manipulate him, but she looks at Jack and sees herself - a prisoner. Juliet may not physically be in a cell, but it doesn’t mean she’s any less of a prisoner. From the beginning she sees Jack as a ray of hope, a comrade and someone that she could possibly escape with and find a new life with.
Much like Jack and Kate, Jack and Juliet’s bond is instant, but slowly develops over time due to the complicated circumstances they find themselves under. Juliet does what she can to protect Jack and likewise Jack does what he can to protect Juliet. They develop an implicit understanding and trust that leads them to depend on one another. And when they realise that their main goal is the same - to escape Ben - they also become allies. It’s actually a fascinating way for a relationship to develop and based on other shows I’ve seen it’s unique too.
Putting aside the circumstances of how they meet and how their relationship develops, as people Jack and Juliet are very suited. They’re both healers and spend their lives saving lives (or giving life in Juliet’s case), they’re both medical marvels who accomplish seemingly impossible tasks (Jack performing miraculous spine surgery and Juliet making infertile women pregnant) they’re loyal, intelligent and determined. And when they come together there’s an ease and familiarity between them whereby it seems like they’ve known each other for a long time. I also didn’t really notice before, but they also have pretty great chemistry (you can particularly see it in the following scenes (x) (x) (x) go to 2:45 on the last one).
Of course, none of this matters because no matter how beautifully developed their relationship was, Jack was in love with Kate since season 1 and no matter how he felt about Juliet it would never compare to that. It’s sad in a way, because like I said at the beginning, Jack and Juliet had a lot of potential. But I do think that there was that ultimate spark missing between them. They had chemistry but it was never quite the same as the chemistry Jack had with Kate or Juliet had with Sawyer. Jack and Juliet’s relationship feels like that very “safe” relationship that people enter into because they’re too scared to get their heart broken by someone they truly love that ignites passion and excitement and all of that other dangerous and exciting stuff in them. Like Juliet said to Kate in season 4, Jack kissing her was just him trying to prove to himself that he didn’t love Kate. Jack was just scared of taking the plunge with Kate because he knew she could really hurt him. So in that respect, they never would’ve worked. Jack and Kate were set up as the endgame ship in the pilot and everybody knew that. Nonetheless, I still appreciate Jack and Juliet’s dynamic and friendship, and think that although it didn’t develop into something romantic there was always an undercurrent of something more between them.
#answered#my meta#sophygurl#i love you sm for sending these in#writing meta's has become one of my fave things on here
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Marvel Cinematic Universe: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Does it pass the Bechdel Test?
Yes, once.
How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?
Five (29.41% of cast).
How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?
Twelve.
Positive Content Rating:
Three.
General Film Quality:
No matter how many times I watch this, I’m always surprised by how excellent it is. If any other future Marvel film wants to be ‘the best’, this is the movie it has to beat for the title.
MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:
Passing the Bechdel:
Natasha asks about the ballistics on the weapon used against Fury, and Maria responds. I’ve heard people argue that Natasha was not asking Maria specifically and therefore this does not count, but since Natasha clarifies a detail of Maria’s response (to which Maria responds again in order to confirm), I definitely think it qualifies. I have allowed a pass for far, far less in the past.
Female characters:
Natasha Romanov.
Peggy Carter.
Maria Hill.
Sharon Carter.
Renata.
Male characters:
Steven Rogers.
Sam Wilson.
Brock Rumlow.
Georges Batroc.
Jerome.
Jasper Sitwell.
Nick Fury.
Alexander Pierce.
Aaron.
Arnim Zola.
Senator Stern.
Bucky Barnes.
OTHER NOTES:
They start this movie by having Steve go for a jog and make a new friend, with a conversation ensuing that is by touches casual, light, humorous, insightful, serious, and sobering. It’s a pretty weird way to launch a much-anticipated superhero comic-adaptation action movie sequel, to be honest, but it’s also rock-solid character establishment - for the never-before-seen Sam Wilson, and for Steve Rogers whose mental state and coping skills in the modern era are kinda an open question at this point - and by getting us on level with Steve’s day-to-day (rather than Captain America’s, which comes after) they’ve immediately prepped us for a story in which this character confronts and reassesses who he is and what he stands for at a core level, and not just in a symbolic/legacy kind of fashion (a la Tony Stark). It may say ‘Captain America’ on the tin, but this is Steven Rogers’ story. This is a fantastic and well-condensed first three minutes of this film, before they fly off to deliver the action sequence we may well have expected to have received up-front.
Oh yeah, also this opening scene involves jogging around the Washington Monument, which is not a subtle detail, but I can dig it. If they’d had Steve draw attention to some Major American Landmark at some point in the movie and make a patriotic declaration of some kind, then I’d cry foul, but as-is the use of Washington DC as a setting is the hardest they bother to hammer the AMERICA button. The absence of self-fellating patriotism which I appreciated so much in the first film continues to be a virtue in this one. I do dig.
Remember how I really love it when people get hit and fly off the screen? Steve just kicked a dude off a boat and I made the dorkiest ‘hee hee!’ noise ever. Sure am glad the only reason anyone knows about that is that I just told y’all, and not because anyone actually heard me.
One day, we’ll stop getting these kinds of gratuitous butt shots of female characters in tight clothes. But it sure ain’t this day.
In a world of equal-opportunity sexualisation, this Cap-butt would be forgiveness enough for the aforementioned offense. But it still sure ain’t that day, friends.
Other reasons to love that opening scene: they low-balled Sam’s counseling skills to us by having him quickly identify the best way to speak to Steve and to engage with him (as Steve, again, not as Captain America; that’s the key), and that’s what allows Steve to bond with him enough that, put in a tight spot and not sure who to trust, he shows up on Sam’s doorstep later in the film. Really tight characterisation and dynamic-building.
ALSO, Steve’s adventure to the Captain America museum exhibit reminds us all of what he’s lost - specifically, Bucky Barnes - and contextualises his encounters with Sam Wilson within the emotional landscape of Steve’s desire for close male companionship, highlighting the need which compels the formation of that bond while also accentuating the sense of Steve’s present isolation and uncertainty, robbed of any understanding confidante (the bittersweet reality of having Peggy Carter still alive, but losing herself to Alzheimer's, really hits that one home). Again, Steve’s emotional landscape is actually a vital part of the story of the film on both character and plot levels, so there’s a LOT of great show-don’t-tell demonstration in the interconnections of all these scenes, PLUS they’re doing the good work for all the other characters involved AND reminding the audience of the score so that the film can continue to draw from the past as the movie continues, without losing any viewers for whom this might be the first foray into the Captain America story. This movie is just...really well put together, guys. It’s a little shocking, how good it is.
Winter Soldier intro is too cool. Not a pun.
Steve takes a chance and asks his neighbour out for coffee; she declines with a soft no; he accepts even-tempered and assures her he won’t trouble her any further, and she lets him know that he’s no trouble and there’s no hard feelings. It’s all a very painless and respectful navigation of boundaries, and taken on face value (ignoring the part where she turns out to be an undercover SHIELD agent, and everything which unfolds from there), it’s a welcome example of how easy it is to take rejection graciously. Guys, be the Steve Rogers that women want to see in the world.
I want a metal arm. I don’t want to not have my current arms, they’re fine, but in an abstract version of the world where you have things purely for cool points, I want a metal arm.
The fight choreography in this film is great. It’s good watchin’.
Also the soundtrack is top-end.
“...Specimen.”
The movie didn’t need a hetero kiss thrown in there, though. I sure wish there wasn’t a random kiss in there.
“The answer to your question is fascinating. Unfortunately, you shall be too dead to hear it.”
Urgh, why Senator Stern gotta show up, be a pig about women, make his little Nazi declaration, and leave? The answer is, he really doesn’t gotta. You know what’s good shit? Not using misogyny and objectification of women to demonstrate that a bad guy is a bad guy, unless it’s actually a relevant part of the story. One day...
I can’t deal with how cool the Winter Soldier is. I’m almost embarrassed by how much the whole Silent Sauntering Assassin thing works for me.
Sam Wilson brings a tiny knife to a gunfight and still gets the upper hand because he’s perfect.
THE FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHYYYYY
The Winter Soldier is barely in the film in the first hour, and Bucky is referenced in the museum but not discussed by any of the characters, so there’s no lantern hanging on either the mystery of the Winter Soldier’s identity or the conspicuous reminder of a supposedly dead character (another reason why tying the memory of Bucky in so tightly with Steve’s present state of comfortless seclusion is important and clever). If you somehow managed not to be spoiled for it already, the Bucky reveal is a real kicker of a twist.
The degree to which I adore Sebastian Stan’s attention to detail in his performance has increased tenfold since The First Avenger. Dude has got nuances on his nuances.
The part of me that is emotionally susceptible to heroism is very moved by all the nameless SHIELD agents who stand up to HYDRA and die for it.
I join the rest of the world in being really disappointed that what appeared to be Jenny Agutter’s councilwoman kicking Strike Team ass was actually just Black Widow. Sorry Natasha.
The Winter Soldier shows up and murderises a heap of pilots, and the part of me that is susceptible to heroism finds itself in conflict with the part that is susceptible to the Winter Soldier’s ineffable coolness (which is itself at odds with the part of me that wants Bucky Barnes to be safe and happy). This movie got me good.
Rumlow talkin’ some shit about pain and Sam’s just like “Man, shut the Hell up,” and it’s perfect. I love him.
I love this film. I mean I really, really love it. Like, I mean this is one of my favourite movies in the world. Like, if we were playing that ol’ game of ‘if you had to pick ten movies, and those were the only movies you were allowed to watch for the rest of your life’, this would be one of my ten movies. That’s how much I love this film. There’s so much to get into here, so much to enjoy: it’s light and easily-digestible enough for when you just want to be entertained by something that doesn’t demand too much from you, but it also has serious depths for when you’re in the mood to dig in. It has well-crafted action scenes, but also a strong plot with powerful emotional currents. It has wonderful, charismatic actors playing intriguing characters, and most of them are good eye candy, but none of them are just eye candy - there’s a lot of complexity to unravel in the motivations and personal narratives of the leads. It’s a superhero movie, sure, but it’s also a political spy thriller. And, to top it off, it’s not only an excellent stand-alone film, it’s also a fantastic example of how to do a sequel right.
Sequel-making can be a fraught business; you’ve got sequels that are basically just pointless retreads of the original, sequels that are so different they hardly count as sequels at all, sequels that are so busy trying to be ‘bigger and better’ than the original they become ridiculous, sequels so busy attempting to capitalise on the spectacle of the original that they forget to have any of the same heart that gave the original meaningful impact, sequels that ignore that the original had a plot and themes and that maybe that stuff was relevant to its success, etc, etc...there are lots of great sequels in the world, certainly, but as Iron Man 2 and Thor: The Dark World already attested for the MCU, it is very, very easy for sequels to go wrong. For this film, I think it goes without saying that I feel they passed all of the above sequel-killing quality tests with flying (low-key red-white-and-blue) colours, hence my adoration. But, just for kicks, lets talk about how they did it.
For starters, you can pretty much guarantee that this isn’t gonna be a pointless retread of Captain America: The First Avenger, since this movie takes place seventy years later and there are certain essential world elements that have fundamentally changed, such as technology, characters, and the fact that WWII ended a good while previous. But, that’s exactly how they make this story work as a sequel: they use the nature of change to give the film its shape, thematically, politically, emotionally, and in doing so they assure that everything which is different in the present builds directly from the past. Steve Rogers has not fundamentally changed, and that’s a critical anchor, considering he’s the titular character and all, but he is in a state of flux due to everything else that has changed, and his doubts inform the narrative landscape. This is not the world he remembers, and yet, as the plot unfolds and he digs into the conspiracy at his feet, there’s plenty there that is hauntingly familiar, because this is a story about how the past is still alive and kicking in the present, it has just updated to keep with the times.
It’s worth noting that despite Captain America making the jump from the forties to the modern age without any stop-offs in between, the film doesn’t linger on or wallow in the differences in his world in any strict sense - even Steve himself (in that EXTREMELY well-crafted opening scene with Sam) is somewhat dismissive of the specifics, because he’s not dwelling on the oh-woe-things-have-changed, he’s just trying to get his head around it, adapt, and move forward (and the practical realities are easy enough, but the emotional facets? Yeah). The thing is of course, no one else shares this problem with Steve; they’ve all been around, variously, for the parts in between, and the story is still concerned with the context of the world which made all of its characters what they are, and particularly with the war that came after WWII, the war within which HYDRA reseeded and began to grow anew: the Cold War. In particular, it’s the ‘70s/’80s era Cold War, built into the political-thriller superstructure of the film itself and driven home most overtly by the Winter Soldier, heavily Russian-coded and steeped in the potent psychological horror of brainwashing, but there are other signifiers littered across the story as well. There’s former-KGB agent Black Widow, and the reference she makes to WarGames, and there’s Arnim Zola frozen in time by the ancient computer system which now acts as his ‘brain’, and then there’s the stroke of subversive genius in the casting of Robert Redford - the positively Captain America-esque blue-eyed-blond hero of many a seventies Cold War political thriller - as our primary villain, working within the United States government for the benefit of his secret European-originating agenda in true foreign-infiltration style. Of course, we can adapt all of this to fit the radicalised terrorism and technological paranoia of modern times (and those elements are alive and well in the text with the surveillance-state fears represented by the helicarriers), but the historical timestamping is important to the trajectory of the film; times change and things grow increasingly subtle and complicated, but the core dilemmas that call people out to fight are instantly familiar. In that sense, Steve Rogers hasn’t missed much at all.
The war that calls Cap to arms this time around may be more subtle than the openly-fought battlefields of WWII, but it is no less global or insidious; the new ‘improved’ HYDRA may not be led by a literal Nazi who peels off his own face, but the cold political calculations of Alexander Pierce are much more frightening for their realism (an aspect of the film which has become increasingly prescient for the modern era since the movie was released), and the fascist supremacist dogma that compels these villains to attempt to reshape the world with the blood of millions is drawn from the same poisoned well; this is an escalation of the same enemy that Captain America faced before, only much closer to home. And while the passage of time has benefited the old evils in allowing them to entrench and fester and craft re-branded, more socially-accepted versions of themselves, it has not been so favourable to the positive familiar things from Steve’s past: it has claimed Peggy’s memory, and rotted SHIELD beyond recovery. And then, there’s what it’s done to Bucky Barnes.
Fake-out character deaths are a major staple of the superhero/comic genre, and not one I love, since it tends to take the power out of apparent-death scenes and leaves the drama feeling contrived, and while the Bucky reveal is not entirely free from that cynicism, it sells itself well on delivery. For starters, it packs a wallop in additional drama instead of just neatly undoing that which already existed (Nick Fury’s ‘death’ and reveal, on the other hand, is more in the classic line of cheap and inconsequential), and it ups the personal stakes for Steve in exactly the same way as Bucky’s ‘death’ did in The First Avenger. Crucially, the fact that Bucky is the Winter Soldier doesn’t alter the wider narrative in any convenient way, such as providing Captain America with the key to stopping him or resolving the other conflicts of the plot through his connection; the Bucky reveal reconnects the story to Steve’s emotional journey, which is exactly where it started before Shit Got Crazy - there’s a good reason they spent the first half hour of the movie on charting Steve’s mental state. There’s a sharp division between Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier, despite them both inhabiting the same form, and it’s a mirror of the division between Steve Rogers and Captain America: regardless of all assumptions to the contrary, the two are mutually exclusive entities. ‘Captain America’ is not a person, he’s a symbol, and he’s manipulable in that way, he can be propagandised, his image and actions are a tool turned to the purposes of others at the expense of the human underneath; Steve recognises this (and has since the first film), and he holds this secondary persona at a remove and does not define himself through it. This is what Sam’s keen social instincts pick up so quickly in the beginning: treating Steve as Captain America is the wrong approach, it fails to connect, because Steve is not the uniform, Steve has doubts, Steve could give up the shield; Steve is a person. Bucky doesn’t have the same luxuries, in opportunities, in company, or in the cognizant ability to define his own identity, but even without the personal attachment of their history, Steve is uniquely positioned to understand the difference between the Winter Soldier and the person buried beneath the title. If it was not Bucky, specifically, the visceral emotion of the mirrored experience wouldn’t land quite as strong, but either way the Winter Soldier is the realisation of Steve’s deep-seated fear of being made a puppet, an unthinking enforcer too heavily indoctrinated into patriotic subservience to recognise the despotism that has replaced his idealism.
I said at the top that this is, ultimately, a Steven Rogers story to which ‘Captain America’ is an accessory, and not the other way around, and that’s a fact at the heart of what makes this film work - on its own, and as a sequel. The fore-fronting of Steve as a character in his own right and not just ‘Captain America’s real name’ was key to avoiding any cloying patriotism overriding the narrative of the first film, and it’s doubly important now as both Steve and the Captain America brand re-situate outside of their original context. It’s easy to strip back the specific trappings of Captain America and still have this movie function just right, because for all the action and intrigue, it is essentially a character piece about Steve Rogers figuring out his place in the world and reclaiming the moral compunctions which have been presumptuously attributed to the lofty symbol of his alter ego, and not the struggling reality of everyday life. Captain America is what he is and how he is not because it sounds good or because it makes for positive PR or because it’s nice to have legends from the good ol’ days; Captain America is the embodiment of scrappy little Steve Rogers’ grit and determination to live up to what he believes in, come Hell or high water or the gravest of consequences. Steve begins the film at odds with himself, unsure if there’s a place for his shameless idealism within the mess of modern life; he’s going through the motions of being Captain America, but he’s uncertain of what it means to him at this point, or where it’s headed. He finishes the film having gained something vital: a mission, but it’s not a professional job for Captain America, it’s a personal mission for Steve Rogers, and that’s much more important. Captain America is just an idea; Steve Rogers is the reason it matters, no matter what war, what time, what place, or what flag.
#MCU#Marvel Cinematic Universe#Captain America: The Winter Soldier#Bechdel Test#female representation
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Præy - pt. 3
Daniel and Cain stood outside. The house was a couple hundred feet away. The trees here grew tall and strong. A small pond existed in the center of the backyard. “I’ve come to call them Arcane Circles, or runes if you’d prefer something shorter. Basically, they are the code of the universe made physical and enacted upon the universe. First we must start with shapes and their relation to reality. Every rune needs at outermost container made of a shape. The more angles the tighter and stronger it’ll direct energy to the center. It seems for the purpose of runes circles are considered to have infinite angles, so for simple runes circles are the easiest to use. I want you to focus, imagine drawing a circle in your mind using some kind of colored light. Right now the color doesn’t matter.” Daniel explained. Cain focused hard. It was surprisingly easier than he had anticipated, a green circle drawing itself in the air in front of him. “Good, good. Is there a particular power you’ve always been interested in? It’s best to start with something you’re actually fascinated by.” Daniel asked. Cain considered the question. “Ergons I guess? I’ve always found lightning magic to be cool. Like Thor and Electro.” Cain said. Daniel nodded.
“To create lightning we need the earth and wind elements in equal parts. Imagine a triangle overlapped by an upside-down triangle with a line through the downward point. It’s important to imagine them as separate shapes and not a hexagon or it’ll screw up the spell.” Daniel said. Cain did as instructed, being very careful to draw or paint it with his mind. “Very good. Now it needs an identifier. Easier magic such as pyros or ergons need only their names. You could use just Ergon or lightning. I’ve taken to learning Greek to keep people from anticipating what ability I’m using. It’s important that you identify the word with the power, not anyone else.” Daniel said. Cain decided to just keep it simple and write lightning in the center. As soon as it completed the circle turned blue and dissolved into static.
Cain moved his hands around. He could feel it - and he understood this must be what all Ergons feel. He could sense the potential static in the air, along every blade of grass. It seemed to have a range of sixty feet or so. He moved his hands, disrupting the static and gathering it along his hands. He pulled as much as he could inward and connecting it to his arms, lightning beginning to arc between his hands and fingers. Once he finished he directed all the lightning to a nearby tree and all the gathered energy cracked away, charring a portion of the tree.
“That was pretty impressive for a first try. I accidentally burned myself the first time. You seem to have a natural grasp for the power.. Or maybe you’re just really good with lightning. Either way having access to a power does not make you experienced with it. An equally powerful person who has used their power their entire life will likely be able to beat you. But we can adapt.” Daniel said. “Can you maybe give me a journal or something with all the runic symbols you’ve worked out? I’d like to study it and experiment.” Cain replied. Daniel nodded, leaving. He returned a few minutes later with a journal detailing shapes ranging from circles to icosahedrons. “Some of these are three dimensional Daniel. How does that work?” Cain asked. “Some incredibly complicated spells require more than a two dimensional space. When making a 3D shape you need only draw the lines and vertices but not the faces.” Daniel answered.
After a week of study and practice Cain wanted to show Daniel what he’d learned and so they gathered outside. Cain lifted his hands and two circles formed, glowing gold. Inside a multitude of circles and shapes drew themselves, becoming increasingly complex and inscribing themselves with Latin. Finally each one finished with a single Latin word in the middle. His right hand had gladio and the left had clypeus. He reached his hands down to the earth, the runes following through the air. The moment they made contact with the earth sparks and energy flew from the circles, the dirt being lifted into them and condensing. A couple seconds later Cain held a metal sword in his right hand and a shield in the other. He smirked.
“I’m impressed. I honestly never bothered to try and make objects with it. I had always been more concerned with researching other powers and how they worked. I find it incredibly amusing that you inlaid multiple sigils and runes, converting raw earth into metal then shaping it. Although I noticed a lot of unnecessary symbols that didn’t seem to fit or make sense.” Daniel said. Cain smiled at this and held the sword and shield up so they could be seen more clearly. Both had similar style runic circles engraved on their metal surfaces, glowing with energy. “They’re both for added durability and permanency. I learned my first time that we can’t create permanent objects. They’d just crumble into dirt again after a few seconds. But there’s a combination of runes that sort of anchor it to my power. As long as I can supply the rune with energy it’ll maintain.” Cain said. The runes stopped glowing and both objects disintegrated back into dirt. Daniel seemed completely baffled. “I’m honestly speechless. That’s ages beyond what I’d discovered. I can’t help but wonder if I was only here to save you from having to discover the base symbols...” Daniel said.
“Honestly I could have gone my entire life never knowing. They’ve always told me my power was just intelligence. I needed this. But I guess my question is why? Why do we have this ability? What am I supposed to do with it?” Cain asked. “That I do not know. I think on some level everyone with powers are supposed to collect more, kill others to obtain their strength. It can be grown naturally over time but it’ll never be as much. I’m not saying you’re here to start murdering people left and right but on some level that’s your job. Maybe work to kill the bad guys.” Daniel answered.
Cain thought hard that night. He had everything he needed. He definitely had a long term plan.. Especially if power gathering was his true goal. He had to test a rune, a very simple one. He pricked his thumb and blood flowed onto the paper, into the center. The rune displayed the word magicae, and as the blood touched it it sparked and turned into a blue cloud like substance. Cain drew the cloud in, feeling the magic become part of him. His suspicions were right - if killing someone granted their magic via combining of souls, then their bodies had magic too. And you could change biological matter back into pure magic.
Cain smiled. There was work to be done.
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Character Breakdown: Roy Mustang (2003 Anime)
Time to talk about this awful person. He sucks. And I love him to pieces. He’s a fantastic character. It’s often overlooked that the 2003 anime had hella strong characters (complex, realistic, ambiguous, and meaningful to the well-woven themes of this deeply symbolic series while retaining identities outside of being puppets to the overarching plot), and Roy Mustang was one of them.
I. The Flame Alchemist, Hero of Ishval
II. His goal to be Fuhrer
III. His relationship with Ed
IV. His resolution, and what it all means
I. First a quick rundown: we first really learn about the “Eastern Rebellion” in Flame vs. Fullmetal, where we first see Roy’s PTSD, and his status of the ‘Hero of Ishval’. Later, we learn that it was a massacre from Marcoh. Roy is already disgusted enough by his slaughter of the Ishvalan people, but it’s the order to kill the Rockbells that drives him to an attempted suicide. Initially, I was in the same boat as everyone else who found this problematic--that of all the people he killed, it was the killing of two white doctors that affected him most. But it’s deeper than that. We already know Roy is filled with guilt for the slaughter: he developed a human transmutation theory because of it. In a later episode where he needs to use his alchemy for “crowd control,” he retreats into an emotionless persona. (His remark to Hawkeye, while cold and cruel, makes sense with his PTSD.) So, his order to kill the Rockbells wasn’t more important than other deaths he caused, just different, because it made the military corruption all the more obvious to him and the viewer. (People become soldiers to protect their country, especially in Roy’s case. Most likely the soldiers of the massacre held on to faith that their government was doing all of this for a good reason. It takes the deaths of the people you meant to protect to realize that the government doesn’t actually care about them. Then there’s how it reveals the institutional racism that plays a part as well. 03 isn’t sloppy with how it handles race, so I believe that we are supposed to feel weird about him seemingly being more affected by the Rockbells’ deaths. The race issue is an entirely different analysis, however--one that as a white woman, I don’t feel justified to get into beyond what I’ve already mentioned.) It was also the death that he’d end up hiding from.
Mustang is in Resembool for different reasons than Mangahood at the start of the series. One, he’s coming in response to one of Ed and Al’s letters looking for Hohenheim, but he labels his visit as “nostalgia, or misplaced curiosity.” It’s likely that he wanted to finally face the Rockbells, but got sidetracked with the events that unfolded while he was there. It’s no secret he’s cowardly about it. When Ed makes an offhand comment about Winry (”I’m going to see my doctor...you know the one”), Mustang shuts Edward down with cheap mockery (which lacks the usual banter-y smugness...he actually intended to hurt Edward with this comment). When he visits Gracia, he decides not to come into the house when he sees Winry looking down at him from the window. He remarks to Hawkeye, “Dealing with the living is a lot scarier than the dead. Give me a ghost any day.”
Roy is more clearly affected by the events in Ishval than he is in Brotherhood. He’s a more solemn character, and some key differences in his reactions to shared events between the two series really highlights this. When it’s revealed Scar is Ishvalan, Brotherhood Roy just displays a general shock, while 03 Roy looks down sadly and says sardonically “Now we know why he’s killing us.” I’ve mentioned how the useless-in-the-rain scene differs greatly. This isn’t a criticism of Brotherhood Roy (I like him equally, but for different reasons), but just a highlight of how differently Roy is interpreted and written in ‘03. He’s clearly still dealing with the aftermath of the genocide, while Brotherhood!Roy has moved on to pursue a noble goal. Speaking of this goal, the motivation for becoming fuhrer differs as well, which brings me to the next aspect of 03!Roy’s character...
II. As @combustiblegarbage says, Roy’s goal to become fuhrer was never really about becoming fuhrer, but rather about redemption. It’s unknown why Roy joined the military in the first place, but Hughes seems to imply in the above scene that it was for naive reasons of wanting to protect people.
Maes: ”Did you think if you became a state alchemist you could fix anything? Bring back anyone who died in a controversial war? Invent some utopian world?”
Roy: *smiles* “I don’t know.”
As far as we know, Roy attempted suicide twice, and by the time Maes visits him, he had developed theories of human transmutation. He considers himself a coward for not going through with killing himself, but believes himself unworthy of living, so the only thing he feels he can do is make his life worthwhile. He wants to do something to make up for his mistakes. And he arrives at the conclusion of becoming fuhrer.
But as we know, this is a misguided goal. His reasoning implies that it’s not his fault for following orders, and that he could do everything better if he was in charge (gosh what a prideful thing to believe). I’ll get into this in my final point. For now, a quick mention on Roy’s acting abilities.
While it’s not as explicit (since we don’t have Madame Christmas), Roy’s womanizing and lazy attitude is just as much of a front as it is in Mangahood. This becomes apparent when he vocalizes his desire to be furhrer and is called out on it. He pauses. It’s a significant pause, as though he’s considering how to play off his treacherous statements as nonthreatening. Then, he goes off on his ridiculous mini-skirts skit, which by 03 Roy’s personality, is uncharacteristically overbearing. (Other than his “I LOVE DOGS” rant, in which I agree with Havoc has to do with him being ‘manic’ from Ed challenging him to a duel, Roy is a person who keeps his cool.) Later on in the series, we see Roy go on a date with Grace from the flower shop. While his team assumes it’s just another date their womanizing boss is going on, by the faces Roy makes and the context of the date, we can tell it’s all for information. We see Roy collaborate with Armstrong as well in the same episode. He uses Havoc’s date with Catherine to get a letter from Alex. Roy is always using situations to his advantage, in ways that make him remain unthreatening to outsiders.
And Team Mustang is more or less aware of this, and has mad respect for him. (I even interpret Havoc’s response to the mini-skirt rant as playing along with the act.)
Havoc: “Mustang cares about that stuff.”
Ed: “Or wants a promotion.”
Havoc: *slams on breaks* “It’s true, kid. Mustang’s no political novice. He’ll do whatever it takes to move up the chain around here. But if that’s all he’s about, we wouldn’t follow him.”
III. Roy’s relationship with Ed is fascinating to me, because he’s simultaneously protective of him, while also being unforgiving and sometimes cruel in trying to expose him to the harsh realities of life. It’s almost as if Roy is fine exposing Ed to these truths as long as he’s in control of it. He’ll be smug or indifferent to Ed’s suffering as long as he has the teen wrapped around his finger, or as long as he’s not left in the dark. As soon as Ed starts getting into trouble without Roy knowing, or without him having the ability to protect him in case something goes horribly wrong, that’s when Roy gets angry.
At first, Riza’s comment seemed off to me, since Roy never really expressed care when they were in danger. I then realized two things: one being that Roy’s irrationality must happen largely offscreen, and Riza’s comment being our hint to that. Roy seems to always know everything that’s going on with the Elrics before the plot takes off, and there was a three-year gap of military life we don’t know about. I assume that (a) Roy has a period between sending them off on missions and eventually retrieving information on the boys where he becomes overly concerned about them and (b) one reason he seems to know everything Ed does is because he’s overprotective and cares about their safety, and he just likes to play it off as a power move when facing them (as a way to keep them from getting into trouble that he’d be unable to rescue them from). The other thing I realized, is that her saying this is more like a “hey. look at his previous actions in the series with a new perspective,” from the writers. All his smugness with the boys is just as much a front as the rest of his persona. He keeps tabs on them. He tries too hard to be in control of them at all times. He acts manipulative. All of it is his (albeit horrible and unhealthy) way of caring for them while trying to hide it.
And after this, we see Roy’s more genuine care for Ed. He gives a loving look when he stops Archer from drawing his gun at Ed’s outburst. He gets visibly stressed out by Ed talking to Archer (a man Roy rightfully distrusts) alone and making deals with him. He tries to advise him. After the events of Liore, he aggressively tracks down Ed, and when he finally faces him, he yells at him for not coming to him for protection.
“I’m not chasing you because I was commanded to; I’m doing it because I’m pissed. Now why did you two run away without asking for my help first?!”
Roy should know that Ed doesn’t really have reason to trust him with all the times he low-key blackmailed him, but somewhere deep down he’s offended that Ed couldn’t see that Roy actually does care for him. He’s angry that Ed didn’t trust him enough to ask for his help and to leave him in the dark, and he’s angry with himself for not being able to be there for him. It all goes back to Roy needing to feel in control of the boys in order to know that they’re safe.
EDIT: It’s also important to mention how Roy his the truth about Ishval from Ed (another reason Ed doesn’t trust Roy). For someone who believes Ed to be familiar with the harshness of the world and freely exposes him to it, the Liore case was something he couldn’t bring himself to talk about with Ed. He said his reasoning explicitly. It was too much for Ed to handle. He knew it would psychologically break Ed (and it did), meaning Roy never gave Ed anything he didn’t think he could handle.
[[Though this is a controversial viewpoint, I do believe Roy was a (again, albeit horrible and flawed) parental figure toward Ed. His state in CoS seems to solidify that he felt responsible for protecting him, blaming himself for his disappearance. From the start, Roy takes the Elrics under his wing and guides them. Even Brotherhood!Roy wasn’t as ‘parental’ as 03!Roy was; BH!Roy was much more of a peer/older sibling figure, at least in comparison.]]
IV. Just as Ed and Al had to battle their sins (Ed and Al battling Sloth, and Al battling Wrath was also quite symbolic), Mustang battled his: Pride, or “preoccupation with oneself.” As I mentioned, Roy’s motivation for becoming fuhrer is a less noble goal than it is in Brotherhood, because it’s still motivated by selfish reasons: a desire to redeem himself and erase his guilt (even though it likely wouldn’t succeed), and because of complacency in the corrupt system (a major theme of 03) and that in achieving power he would be able to ‘do it better,’ so to speak.
Bradley is Pride in 2003 for a few reasons, but the one that correlates with Roy is his statement of believing himself to be a guardian angel to humans by doing things in favor of a (wrong and corrupted worldview provided by Dante) bigger picture. This is essentially an ends-justify-the-means attitude in favor of bringing an ideal to fruition. And this is exactly what Roy says was wrong with his attitude in the car scene, and again strengthens later.
“The end justifies the means when it comes to achieving my ultimate goal. Back then, that just seemed like the right stance for me to take...[in response to Ed saying he wouldn’t be able to become fuhrer] That may be, but I can’t let him get away with what he’s done.”
...
“I didn’t do this for politics. I couldn’t forgive myself for being blind this long. It was the only way to atone for the friends I didn’t save.”
Two major themes of the series are present with Roy in this sense: “Even when our eyes are closed, there exists a world outside of us and our dreams” and the theme of equivalent exchange run parallel with this development.
The former refers to how no matter how much we want something, we can’t turn a blind eye to how those wants coming true would affect the world around us. We can’t ignore what we sacrifice to selfishly achieve those dreams. AKA, Roy’s dream to be fuhrer.
The latter refers to how equivalent exchange isn’t a clean rule. In Roy’s case, he does the right thing by defeating Pride, and by shounen anime standards, doesn’t that mean he should somehow get what he wants in the end as a reward? 2003 says no. Sometimes you can do the right thing and end up losing everything because of it, but no matter how unappealing that possibility seems, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try, because we’re not independent from the world around us. We’re a part of it, and we’re only as good as we collectively make it. The reward should be in that. This further ties into “there never will be a war that isn’t in some part caused by all of us.”
So Roy’s journey adds to the themes of 03, just as most characters do. His arc is beautiful in that sense. In what it represents. Like Ed, he’s a deeply flawed and sometimes horrible person, but you need these complexities to get your point across. He works wonderfully with the narrative.
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Come on in and meet someone new, but be sure to #maskup!
New Biographies that have hit our shelves
The Divine Miss Marble: A Life of Tennis, Fame, and Mystery by Robert Weintraub
3.89/5 stars on Goodreads
The story of 1930s tennis icon Alice Marble, and her life of sports, celebrity, and incredible mystery.
Who was Alice Marble?
In her public life, she was the biggest tennis star of the pre-war era, a household name like Joe DiMaggio and Joe Louis. She was famous for overcoming serious illness to win the biggest tournaments, including Wimbledon. She was also a fashion designer and trendsetter, a contributor to a pioneering new comic called Wonder Woman--and friend to the biggest names in Hollywood and society, like Carole Lombard and Clark Gable, William Randolph Hearst and Marion Davies, and members of families named Bloomingdale, Loew, and du Pont. She helped integrate tennis with her support of Althea Gibson, and even coached two young women who became stars in their own right: Billie Jean King and Sally Ride.
Yet her private life provoked constant speculation while she was alive, and her own memoirs added layers of legend upon stories. According to Alice, she married a man who was killed in the skies over Europe during World War II. But who was the man she loved, and had he even existed? She was widely known for her patriotism during World War II. Had she really nearly given her life for her country as a spy, shot during a wild car chase fleeing foreign espionage agents?
In The Divine Miss Marble, bestselling author Robert Weintraub traveled the country to uncover her fascinating story. And the more he learned about her, the more her mysteries and contradictions deepened. Alice was a powerful woman who knew her worth, demanding equal pay to men decades earlier than other female athletes; yet she was held in sway by a domineering, highly successful coach with whom she had a volatile relationship. She was renowned for her California style, and had a brilliant mind and the guts to overcome a lifetime of physical trauma.
For the first time here, we come closer than ever before to the truths of this unforgettable life, and somehow it's a story even more extraordinary than everything we already know about the divine Alice Marble.
Rocket Man: The Life of Elton John by Mark Bego
3.73/5 stars on Goodreads
Here’s the book every pop music lover has been waiting for—full of the scandals, addictions, affairs, and tantrums that underscored the life of arguably the world’s greatest pop musician. Flamboyant, iconic Elton John is as much part of the American musical landscape as he is in his native England.
In the 1970s, when popular music on both sides of the Atlantic fragmented into disco, soul, hard rock, pop, and folk, Elton John embraced them all with his signature creative panache. Emerging in the late 1960s as a singer/songwriter, Elton was widely acknowledged as the most prolific pop and rock star of the decade by the mid-1970s. His peerless musical style and ability to jump from sensitive ballads to bawdy rock anthems to campy pop have made him a musical superstar for the ages.
From his heartfelt ballads like “Tiny Dancer” and “Your Song” to his rock roll hits including “Bennie and the Jets” and “Crocodile Rock,” Elton has lived one of the most outrageous and colorful lives in show business.
Having met the “Rocket Man” the first time in the 1980s, Bego has drawn upon his personal observations and vast research, and has been able to interview dozens of Elton’s collaborators and lifelong friends to produce the the ultimate story on the amazing and larger-than-life Elton John
No Way But to Fight: George Foreman and the Business of Boxing by Andrew R.M. Smith
3.67/5 stars on Goodreads
Olympic gold medalist. Two-time world heavyweight champion. Hall of Famer. Infomercial and reality TV star. George Foreman's fighting ability is matched only by his acumen for selling. Yet the complete story of Foreman's rise from urban poverty to global celebrity has never been told until now.
Raised in Houston's "Bloody Fifth" Ward, battling against scarcity in housing and food, young Foreman fought sometimes for survival and other times just for fun. But when a government program rescued him from poverty and introduced him to the sport of boxing, his life changed forever.
In No Way but to Fight, Andrew R. M. Smith traces Foreman's life and career from the Great Migration to the Great Society, through the Cold War and Culture Wars, out of urban Houston and onto the world stage where he discovered that fame brought new challenges. Drawing on new interviews with George Foreman and declassified government documents, as well as more than fifty domestic and international newspapers and magazines, Smith brings to life the exhilarating story of a true American icon. No Way but to Fight is an epic worthy of a champion.
Queens of the Resistance: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez by Brenda Jones, Krishan Trotman
3.59/5 stars on Goodreads
Not long ago, no one could even imagine a twenty-eight-year-old Latina upstart running for Congress representing Queens and the Bronx: It required facing the city's nearly all-white, all-male political machine. But since Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez graced the scene in all her bartending, tweet-talking, mold-breaking glory, the face of politics in the twenty-first century has changed. Today, Ocasio-Cortez is a foremost advocate for progress, whipping up support among her colleagues and gaining the secret admiration of her foes. She's jousting with an outrageous president and a conservative media sphere that place her under relentless attack. Why? Because they fear her gift for speaking truth to power.
With illustrations, deep research, and writing as endlessly quotable as she is, Queens of the Resistance pays tribute to this phenomenal woman.
A Song for You: My Life with Whitney Houston by Robyn Crawford
4.11/5 stars on Goodreads
After decades of silence, Robyn Crawford, close friend, collaborator, and confidante of Whitney Houston, shares her story.
Whitney Houston is as big a superstar as the music business has ever known. She exploded on the scene in 1985 with her debut album and spent the next two decades dominating the charts and capturing the hearts of fans around the world. One person was there by her side through it all--her best friend, Robyn Crawford.
Since Whitney's death in 2012, Robyn has stayed out of the limelight and held the great joys, wild adventures, and hard truths of her life with Whitney close to her heart. Now, for the first time ever, Crawford opens up in her new memoir, A Song for You.
With warmth, candor, and an impressive recall of detail, Robyn describes the two meeting as teenagers in the 1980s, and how their lives and friendship evolved as Whitney recorded her first album and Robyn pursued her promising Division I basketball career. Together during countless sold-out world tours, behind the scenes as hit after hit was recorded, through Whitney's marriage and the birth of her daughter, the two navigated often challenging families, great loves, and painful losses, always supporting each other with laughter and friendship.
Deeply personal and heartfelt, A Song for You is the vital, honest, and previously untold story that provides an understanding of the complex life of Whitney Houston. Finally, the person who knew her best sets the record straight.
#wear a mask#mask up#Reading Recs#reading recommendations#bookish#booklist#book recs#non fiction#nonfiction#biographies#biography#Book Recommendations#currently reading#reading list#library#public library#new books
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What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?
oh god i commiserate with casper on this one cause daisy is supposed to be super witty and super sharp, which i never feel like i live up to. smart and witty characters are really only as smart as witty as the person writing them and i know this is the wrong question to say this but like her i push myself really hard and rarely give myself enough credit so no matter how i write daisy’s dialogue i always feel like it could have been better, funnier, more concise, more poetic, and just more of it, cause she, like nick, never fucking shuts up.
most of the time though, when i go back and read old stuff i realize that it actually was pretty good (if i do say so myself) so i know a lot of the time my impression of her dialogue being lackluster has more to do with her/my impossible expectations for my own abilities… daisy’s only as hard on herself as i am hard on myself writing her. its an oroburos of perfectionism
re: drawing her, the fact that i choose a real life face-claim so i can never quite get her face right without references. her eyes are so far apart you guys
s o f a r a p a r t
How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?
in ye olde h*rry p*tter au, she became somewhat of a (non racist lol) second coming of voldemort in the pursuit of power, glory and recognition, because i’ve come to terms with her being a bit of a mary sue and also because it was the logical conclusion of her character in that au, a relentless pursuit of something that was never quite enough for her own personal standards which made her aimless and wrathful. there was a lot less genocide lol for obvious reasons, but she did murder a bunch of people who challenged her and lighted the match that eventually led to the human world knowing about the wizarding world. what a way to go down in history. through this all she let go of nick because she saw her emotional attachment to him as a weakness, but when it came between proving herself and killing him she ended up saving his life instead at the cost of all of her power and took out her following in the processes. i know technically you can’t bring people back to life in the HP universe but again 1) mary sue, and 2) it really showed the size and scope of her power and the magnitude of her sacrifice, and i really loved the idea of adding onto the h*rry p*tter themes of love and that love is the most powerful force, but also that love washes away sins, that even when you’ve done horrible things you’re still worthy of love and love can save you.
after she saves nick though she goes to azkaban for 15 years and then she’s in house arrest i think for another 10, because the magic jury goes soft on her given that she no longer has any power, the magical media was an absolute sucker for that kind of love story, and also because the magical word is stupid and i didnt want her to spend the rest of her life in jail. she spends most of those 25 years trying to make amends with nick, who eventually forgives her. she also never quite adapts properly to living without magic
after that she just travels the world with nick and writes and writes and writes, including thousands of stories but most importantly an incredibly popular autobiography
SORRY THAT GOT SO LONG
i have a vague idea of what i want her to do in WSC but like, daisy is greater than life, she’s a historical figure, a religious icon, a myth and a messiah, the pursuit of worldwide recognition and power is SUCH a huge part of her that it’s going to feel so weird and… incomplete, if she doesn’t at least attempt some kind of massive, universal-stakes type of feat in this universe
i actually don’t want to give too many details because of spoilers, but my number one priority right now is giving her a purpose so she’s not so aimless, and that purpose is figuring out where she’s from and who she really is. disney pixar much? more likely than you think. and also hopefully pushing her towards chaotic neutral, or even, gasp, good? (unlikely).
If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?
i’m having a hard time with this one for some reason but i’m going to forego speech patterns and say that
1) up until WSC daisy’s life had been an exercise in how much it would actually suck to be OP in a world where no one quite lives up to your level (she sees nick as an equal in terms of wits and depth and humanity, but it had always been an understanding between them that she had power and he didn’t. not in a threatening way, of course, just as something that is), so she is always bored and that boredom makes her difficult and petty and annoying and cruel and dissatisfied and self-destructive. therefore, coming to WSC has done wonders for her personality (lmao) because she’s finally among people who could rise up to her level, because everyone’s as weird as she’s always been and she isn’t alone, and most importantly because now she’s rarely bored. it’s actually quite hard to make her hate your kid because her fascination is always gonna triumph over her momentary dislike or annoyance, and she’s always a tiny bit in a manic state when she interacts with your kids (see: aud, reagan, moire, gabe) because they’re just so fucking interesting
2) layers. like an onion. there’s so many layers. she’s so fucking convoluted. i’ve talked about this before here and this is already so long so i don’t wanna get into it, but the crux of the idea is that there’s always more daisy the deeper you dig, and most of the time she’s trying to make herself as mythical and tortuously complex as she can make herself be because she’s both trying to protect the soft parts of her where people can hurt her, and because she’s begging people to see through her bullshit and reach those parts, anyway.
What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?
i actually haven’t been writing her a lot lately cause my spoons are low, but the most recent thing that comes to mind is how much more into clea (shout out!) she is than i originally thought/intended lmao. it’s a weird combo of being desperate for friendship and connections, and also never having been around girl-aligned people she isn’t related to and therefore having this idealized version of hanging out with her ~girlfriends~ which involves a lot of lesbianism like scantily clad sleepovers and kissing each other to practice for “””boys.””
and of course there’s a more sincere layer of just being constantly fascinated and confused by how different clea is from her and trying to parse that out. clea and daisy balance each other our so well and i think they allow each other to be more like the way they want to be but are too embarrassed to say out loud. clea definitely lets daisy be more of the teenager that daisy is too proud to let herself be, so even when she acts prim and prissy and greater-than-life around clea, they still do a wonderful job of keeping her grounded. also daisy is hopelessly attracted to the whole 4d thing because she’s always been the only person around who’s not quite right, and there’s a lot of intimacy in that recognition, a weird convoluted self-love in seeing and celebrating in someone else what you’ve always struggled with yourself
What is your favorite fact about your OC?
just like w/ misha, don’t quote me on this because i love her! so much! so it’s impossible to pick just one but i just love… all her imperfections, not to be a massive sap (girl ur amazing… just the way you are…) but i love the things that make her weird and random and vulnerable and human, i like that she craves connections but has no fucking clue how to make friends, i love her weird obsession with unicorns, i love how convoluted her vent is because she thinks too fast to write things down coherently, i love writing her when her magic fucks up or when she’s so upset she cries or being awkward because there’s cute people around her or being comfortable enough to make silly jokes and just in general i love when she’s uncool and clumsy and a teenager. i’m gay!
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Why does The Handmaid’s Tale &
our witness of this
perhaps-not-so-fantastical
tale matter?
What society watches is important.
What we watch is important.
(Some minor spoilers of The Handmaid’s Tale)
‘In a gradually heating bathtub, you’d be boiled before you knew it.’
June, episode 3
“To a generation suspicious of truth claims and unconvinced by moral assertions, beauty has a surprising allure. And everything about Jesus Christ is beautiful! His life, his miracles, his grace, his teaching—even his death and certainly his resurrection—are all inimitably beautiful. A Christianity that is deeply enchanted by Christ’s beauty and thus formed and fashioned by this beauty has the opportunity to present to a skeptical and jaded world an aspect of the gospel that has been too rare for far too long. Where truth and goodness fail to win an audience, beauty may once again captivate and draw those it enchants into the kingdom of saving grace. It is possible to tell the Christian story in terms of aesthetics, because the story of Jesus Christ is breathtakingly beautiful!”
Beauty Will Save the World: Rediscovering the Allure and Mystery of Christianity, Brian Zahn, Loc. 67-72
Over the past little while I have been volleying between two starkly different cultural products. I have been reading the book ‘Beauty will save the world’ by Brian Zahn, and watching the series ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ which is currently streaming on SBS, was produced by Hulu, and is based on the book of the same name by Margaret Atwood. It was written in 1985 and is as relevant today as it was then. I started ‘Beauty will save the world’ and then a few days later I could finally start watching ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’, something I’ve been waiting for ever since first discovering they were making it.
I have something of a fascination with dystopian fiction for a long while but ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ is one novel that I only came across in recent years. It does seem somewhat fortuitous that Hulu and those associated with it started putting it into production when they did - the timing of it seems to have greatly resonated with particular sections of western culture in a number of countries.
I also have a fascination with beauty and art. Not beauty defined by commerce or branding, but the other sort. I make art, I search out beauty, I appreciate those things that can be both beautiful and depressing, beautiful and challenging, those things that are complex in what they deal with and that attempt to shine a light on our inner selves.
Both book and TV series were of great interest to me but I was surprised that they both had a similar focus - discussing the use of and desire for power. But they each go their own way in attempting to decipher the role and use of power in our lives and in society, and what could happen depending on the approach we take.
Zahn spends a significant amount of time exploring the Beatitudes, the contrast between what Jesus said, and how we often chose to live. And how society in general choses to take and exert power. And how easy is it for us to decide that we do want power, no matter what Jesus said.
‘Sometimes we have to do what is best for everyone, not what is fair.’
Aunt Lydia, episode 6
In the world that Atwood envisions, it is falling apart from low fertility rates and high rates of sexually transmitted diseases. Humanity is dying out and parts of the United States are now controlled by a new faction who have renamed the new society Gilead. The tale follows a woman, whose real name we discover is June, and those with whom her story intersects. June has been re-named Offred, which is quite literally ‘of Fred,’ the commander in whose house she now lives and to whom she now belongs. June is believed to be part of the small group of women left who may still be fertile. The women are re-programmed and forced to become Handmaids, based sort of on the scriptural passages found in Genesis 30 where Rachel, who desires children, tells Jacob to sleep with her servant - or handmaid. The women are then farmed out to those in power who are unable to conceive and experience monthly rape as part of a religious ceremony with the hope they will conceive. Fear and the unexplained are powerful motivators. In Gilead they try to address the problems of their world by exhorting exacting control through widespread suppression. They don’t know how to reverse the widespread infertility and so they are motivated to ‘protect’ those who do seem to still be fertile. This protection comes at the cost of all though, and as a society they seem to quickly forget their humanity in order to maintain this control.
The society we view in this tale is familiar - the supermarket is familiar, if somewhat cleaner and more streamlined (food production is also diminishing). June’s singlet beneath her identifying red dress is familiar. The city, buildings and streets are familiar, even though they are un-signed, re-painted and sparsely occupied. In this starkly homogenised world, uncertainty, fear, subversion can only be shown through the smallest flicker of an eyebrow or eye in the (thankfully very real and) visible faces of those whose stories we follow.
In a society where you would think that all human life would become even more precious because of the lack of it, we discover that in fact the opposite is true. Everything is driven by fear, not care. Everything at every level is prescribed; dress, language, households, society order, daily activities. It seems that the only freedom many have (even those in positions of power) is how they treat those who are below them in status. We see this in the outpouring of June’s (Offred’s) grief over her friends death into the participation of the fatal group beating of a man found guilty of rape - an act I’m sure that up until that very moment she would never have considered herself capable of. But given such strenuous circumstances and no other facility in which to truly express her feelings, participating in this act gave her an immediate, and a now socially acceptable outlet. We see this time and again in Serena Joy’s (the women she will hopefully be a ‘surragate’ for, who is married to the commander Fred) often fierce treatment of June. We see it in the way the girls are re-programmed by the Aunt’s and particularly Aunt Lydia (the main Aunt in charge of overseeing the handmaids). Serena Joy has lost her own power, even though, as we slowly discover, she was instrumental in bringing about these very changes in Gilead. We see this in commander Fred’s treatment of June; initially he appears to simply desire her company and seems extent to her moments of equality. And yet in every interaction, every gift, every innocuous request that is actually a command, he continually demonstrates that he holds her life in his hands. He never forgets this, Joan can never forget it.
The remnants of our society exist in theirs, the way that the remnants of their society exists in ours.
‘Ordinary is just what you’re used to…This will become ordinary.’
Aunt Lydia, episode 2
So what do either of these works of art mean for us: the Christ focused book and the society focused TV series? Yes they are both American, so it does put a particular view on them that is not exactly transferable to the Australian society, but there is still enough similarity that we are able to recognise and associate with both of them. I would say that they are both significant because what we personally and as a society spend our time, energy, money on, matters. ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ has been widely consumed and it appears that a significant portion of our society is interested enough to spend the time to watch the 10 episodes, despite (or maybe because of) the brutal reality. It has a 93% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and it’s getting pretty good reviews and is likely to snap up awards. It is not only significant for us as members of our society, but for us as Christians within our society, because this societal interest shows us something about ourselves, our society and what we are collectively thinking about.
Instead of trying to overwhelm a cynical world weary of argument and suspicious of truth claims with the force of logic and debate, what if they were overwhelmed with the perception and persuasion of beauty? Beauty is graceful and has a way of sneaking past our defenses. It’s hard to argue with beauty. Beauty is compelling in its own way. What I am suggesting is that we look to beauty as a primary standard for our theology, witness, and action.
Beauty Will Save the World: Rediscovering the Allure and Mystery of Christianity, Brian Zahn, Page 28 | Loc. 474-77
In the society of Gilead, where humanity and the earth are both quite literally dying out, humanity also seems to be disappearing. We see moments of growing resistance and we discover that different countries are attempting to deal with the problem in different ways. Within Gilead, with all their ‘religious rhetoric’ how would the true Christ be displayed in such a tightly controlled society? How might anyone even engage in this type of ‘rebellion’?
I certainly don’t have the answer to that, as we never know what we are truly capable of or what truly matters, until we are in such circumstances. But what about for us right now, how might we respond? How can we rebel against the moments where Gilead does appear in our society? What are our preventable actions to this type of possible future? Where do we see ourselves in this story? Our friends, family, colleagues, business, society, politics, church? What does it mean specifically for us who acknowledge Christ as Lord to watch this tale where the scriptures have been so brutalised for the purpose of control? Does our collective stomach drop when we hear the words being taken so out of context as we gradually learn that the underlying basis for Gilead’s control is a particular interpretation of scripture?
“We’re not so much tasked with running the world as with being a faithful expression of the kingdom of God through following Jesus and living the beautiful life that Jesus sets forth in the Sermon on the Mount.”
Beauty Will Save the World: Rediscovering the Allure and Mystery of Christianity,
Brian Zahn, Page 13 | Loc. 278-79
‘I just wanted to make the world a better place. Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse for some.’
Fred, episode 5
Margaret Atwood has said that she didn’t invent any of the actions of the extremely patriarchal society she portrays in the story, she only utilised those that were already happening or had happened. She simply transferred them into this version of a possible future. This is a stark reminder that for many of us watching in western societies that we have the good fortune to only fear that something like that could happen, because it means that it isn’t actually happening quite like this, right now, for us.
But similar methods of control and extortion of power do occur and are happening in many places in the world, even if it doesn’t feel so close to home for some of us. Women’s rights and freedoms are severely diminished in many places, women are both condemned and revered for their ability to reproduce, without concern with their actual humanity. And this is what I have found most confronting by watching ‘The Handmaid’s Tale,’ and concurrently reading ‘Beauty will Save the World.’ It wasn’t necessarily the broad over-arching fear of this becoming the near future, but the fear of the small moments within life that might actually lead to some version like it. What are the small beliefs, the small moments, the small actions that we allow, dismiss and don’t think about but that are contrary to the countercultural invitation Jesus extends in the Beatitudes? In episode 2, when the bank accounts of all females are frozen, June’s husband says, with the very best of intentions ‘I’ll look after you’ to try and reassure her that she would be ok but June’s best friend is vocally offended. It’s not that June didn’t believe her husband wouldn’t look after her, it is just that she should not have to be beholden to a male to access her own money. He was inadvertently re-enforcing that as the male, he would take up the mantel to protect her because of his privilege as male, without acknowledging what it was doing to his wife, as a female. And his well intended, but unfortunately misplaced words only re-enforced to the two women how quickly they were losing control of their own lives and there was nothing they could do. It is a small moment, but a significant one.
For me, I’m not sure how to prevent a fate such as this on a grand scale because I feel very limited by and in my current circumstances - I don’t have an influential position within society, I’m not in politics, I’m not a social justice warrior, I’m not a very involved activist, I’m not in a position of leadership. But after reading ‘Beauty Will Save the World’ I am reminded and encouraged that it truly is the small moments focused on the love and care of Jesus that actually can make the difference.
It is by these small acts that a beautiful life is created.
To care for the whole person is beautiful.
To love the whole person simply because they are a person is beautiful. Not because they are a wife, mother, father, child, son, uncle, aunt, grandparent … but because they are human.
What if the greatest act of subversion was to care for others?
Is that enough to transform a society?
#the handmaids tale#reflections#thoughts#thoughts on art#thoughts about faith#art and spirituality#art and faith#care#transformation
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