#i have asthma lol not about to fuck up my lungs even more
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Right, story time.
(long read warning)
April 2001, I was born. My sister was 4 years old at the time, now we're a family of 4. Not too wealthy, not too poor. The average Indonesian family, I would say. We had a PS1 console, that was my favorite item in the house that time :)
Then fast forward 13 years. Or maybe it was 15... I forgot already. Anyway, whenever I got home from school I would get random heart palpitations. So it became my routine at least once every couple of days to sit down on a couch for 5-10 minutes, staring at particularly nothing, just to get my heart rate down.
Fortunately this time period was also the year I discovered trance music. Specifically vocal trance music. Although I didn't know it was called trance music until I was 17. And weirdly enough this kind of music really helped because of its calming quality, so I kept listening and tried to find more.
And no joke, one music in particular really got me high. Like I was smoking weed or something. I was like oh cool, I can do drugs in music form :) Then my new hobby was to go into my room, turn off the lights, plug headphones and lay on the bed, press play and get lifted to another dimension (lol).
And then I was 19 years old. A little bit of beef happened between me and my dad (personal matter, won't disclose). I guess my body couldn't handle the stress and the weird heart palpitation thing was back. Stronger than ever, I almost couldn't breathe because of it. Couldn't stand up straight. Probably on the brink of passing out completely.
My mom took me to the ICU in local hospital, had oxygen pipe connected to my nose and whatever cable things that the medics used to monitor my vitals. That was the most medical apparatus attached to my body at once. Then I guess I either fell asleep or actually passed out on the hospital bed, woke up a few hours later and transported to the patient dorm.
My mom said the bill was covered by insurance so I didn't have to think about it too much.
1 day before I was discharged, my dad visited. Told me one thing that he has never told me once in 19 years. I was born with a minor defect, and it was either in my lung or my heart. One of the two.
Between 2001 and 2003 my parents were prescribed for a list of medications for me. Although unfortunately the cost was so high that the medication process couldn't be completed, and it halted for a few months.
Then I guess the economy improved, or whatever happened in southeast Asia in the 2000s. My parents could finally get enough medications to restart the process and actually complete it this time. And all was good.
My dad thinks the interrupted medication process eventually caught up to me more than 10 years later, even though it was completed on the second try.
Conclusion, I'm stuck with this weird arrhythmia thing. With no cure for it, since it's not enough to be classified as asthma. And I don't use inhalers.
Lately I've discovered that it's mostly triggered by stress, anxiety and depression. Three things that I also have :) And now day by day I try to limit everything that can potentially cause too much stress and anxiety.
But on the plus side, I've also discovered trance music still has the calming effect to tone down the symptom, so that's one of the things keeping me going until today. Also lemon water.
Thank you for reading <3
Bonus:
Since high-stress situations can potentially trigger my arrhythmia, I've taken fps games very slowly, doing everything the stealth way. Stealth archer in Skyrim, and stealth sniper in Far Cry 3/4. Stealth playstyle allows me to take my time and be patient with everything, do things in my own pace.
(fuck you Dragon Age for not enabling me to be a stealth archer /j)
This also explains why 80% of my Elder Scrolls characters are all a variation of archer, and 100% of my Far Cry gameplays I've always defaulted to a sniper rifle when trying to capture outposts, either with or without a suppressor.
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i wrote a long diary entry basically about my cat findings and financial life so i will put under the read more if you are interested in the tea LOL
update on my cat again: luckily the gabapentin made her sedated enough so they could take the chest x-rays w/out having to fully sedate her. bad but expected news, she has patchy lung infiltrates in both lungs, and her bronchioles were opaque. this means there is definitely irritation/inflammation in her lungs. i was hoping it would just be a pulmonary issue, since the vet said her heart murmur sounded quieter while she was on the gabapentin (possibly indicating a stress murmur), but we did a proBNP test and the results were abnormal :/. it didn't say low-high which is kind of annoying (esp considering how much i'm paying...), but that means i have to do the echocardiogram now to finally see if there is something wrong w/ her heart/what it is. if there is something wrong w/ her heart, the coughing and the lung x-ray could indicate pulmonary edema (fluid in the lungs due to all the blood in the left ventricle not being expelled to the body, causing regurgitation into the lungs).
i am praying that the echo is normal and she simply has like bronchitis from allergies, or asthma or something with a better prognosis than a heart condition. i'm also going to be 1.2k in the hole after all this testing, but i'm already in a massive amount of debt from going to pharmacy school so i figured why the fuck not who cares lmao just tack it on. plus it's better to figure it out now than to wait until she's in terrible condition and on her deathbed. and i will have some sort of salary after this final year of pharmacy school, so i don't have to make it too much longer. (either a salary from doing a residency or if i'm desperate, signing onto walgreens or some shit and hating my life). but i also have to pay a ridiculous amount of money to even take the naplex (pharmacy board exam basically), and i have to pay to take the MPJE (NYS law exam for pharmacists). i'm pretty sure the total will be like $700, and. that's if i pass the first time....and my tuition is crazy high, and the last year i'm literally not even in the classroom bc we just do straight rotations onsite for the last year WHICH WE ARE NOT PAID FOR.
i'm tired of getting boned economically by my stupid ass school. i'm not so upset about the vet bills tbh, for some reason i literally don't care. i have enough savings (although most of them are from my graduate plus loan to pay form my rent LOL RIP) and i can always TAKE OUT ANOTHER LOAN if i need more money for rent or something, so i at least i'm fortunate enough to have that option. i am just so ready to be free from all this bullshit and have an actual goddamn income. i'm going to treat mirabel anyway, but now i'm worried how much treatment is going to cost, i only had my mind on the tests we had to do. and i really really really hope it's something curable/manageable and NOT a congenital heart disease. or if it is heart disease, it's not severe. i did have hope from the chest x-ray, b/c the vet said that her heart did not appear abnormally large or shaped, and i read that a positive proBNP test can also indicate other stressors like bronchitis so it's not a guarantee that it's her heart.
also it's literally just my luck that i pick out the congenitally sick cat from the shelter. i love her and she's my bff at this point, but it's like yeah that's about right for my track record. they didn't even mention a heart murmur on her vet notes from the shelter, which i'm confused about. did they just not write it down, or did they straight up not hear anything? b/c the vet said it was grade 3/4 which means its pretty goddamn loud. i'm like, did i get lowkey scammed by the shelter? i mean i love mirabel, but idk seems a little shady to me. but i am at least glad that i chose a good paying career so this is all (hopefully) a temporary issue, which a lot of people do not have that saving grace.
sorry i literally just wrote like a diary entry i did not plan on writing this much LMAO. if you actually read this, bless you. if you didn't, that's okay i'm fine w this being my echo chamber.
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Hiiii! This ask is gonna mention Covid so if ur not comfortable with it or honestly just exhausted from it (same) that’s okay, u can just delete it, no hard feelings 💕 I saw u posting about Covid the other day and figured u or someone else might relate
I am just so tired of seeing news after article after tv show after literally anything Covid related bc in the US, it’s just getting exponentially worse by the hour. All I wanna do is curl up in a pile of blankets with some soup and watch Netflix until it’s all over. And I feel guilty for being so cautious about it (I stayed home and took college classes online for 1 & 1/2 years to stay safe). And then I came back in the fall to finish, only for omicron to spike during winter break. And now I kinda wanna stay home for a few weeks to ride out the wave so me and my family don’t potentially get sick, but I know my friend that I roommate with won’t be super happy that I’m gone that long. But to me, it’s not about just not going to the hospital (even tho I have asthma, so idk what it will do to my lungs). It’s about not getting Covid at all. I don’t wanna lose taste and smell, or have everything taste horrible. I don’t wanna have permanent or even temporary lung, heart, or neuro damage. I don’t wanna run the risk of getting any version of Covid bc it’s still very dangerous to get, even mild cases. And about 50% of people rn are getting long Covid (I think that’s the current stat). It’s so scary to me, but what my friends don’t get is that I’d rather isolate with my family for another 3 years than risk getting Covid just to hang out with friends or partners like they’re doing now. I feel so stupid or like I’m being too anxious, but I also feel like I’m allowed to be in anxiety-overdrive about a global pandemic ya know? Ever since Covid started, I’ve had a debilitating fear of germs. I Clorox damn near everything in my bedroom and wash my sheets every few days. I can’t stop washing my hands. If I got anywhere, I have packs of gloves and masks in my car. And so do my parents. Like I said, I just think the best option is to just eat warm soup and stop looking at the news lol. I hope someone who reads this, especially u S, feels like they’re not the only one worried about Covid. Sorry for the long rant!!! 💕💕💕
^ ^ ^
More covid talk under the cut
Yup.
I feel that.
All of that.
Except, I really actually feel worse when I don't watch at least some sort of news because if I'm not, then I feel like I'm giving up/sticking my head in the sand (which isn't true, but it makes me Feel that way). And, for me, the only thing worse than not knowing what's going on is when people who I previously knew were being very cautious and careful stop because they are so exhausted. Rightfully so. But it just makes me more hopeless because if even the considerate, careful people stop wearing masks, stop trying to wash and sanitize what needs to be, stop trying to socially distance... than this never ends.
I will be wearing my double masks into the foreseeable future. I will be washing my hands like crazy. I am vaxxed and I will get the boosters for as long as we need them and they keep making boosters. I will social distance whenever physically allowed. I will try to keep my head above water because-
We are still in the middle of a fucking pandemic.
Rant over lol. Hopefully you find some solace in someone else feeling this, sweets!
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Covid is a bitch, I hope you get well soon!
(You don't have to answer this ask :D)
Thank you anon I'm trying! And I may as well give an update with this ask.
So I've mentioned it before but I have extremely bad asthma and was hospitalized for it at the beginning of this year. Since then I've been managing it pretty well but even if I hadn't caught covid and it had just been the flu or a stomach bug it causes me to have a sever asthma flare up, normally I just have a cough for a month and everything is okay. But this has been something else, there is an almost constant pain in my right lung but no cough. Last night I picked up my 3 year old and after I set her down it felt like my lung stopped working completely. So I had my grandma drive me to the hospital to make sure everything was okay.
By the time we made it there I was shaking uncontrollably, I had developed a stutter (something I have never had), and could barely walk. They took me back, gave me a breathing treatment, some IV steroids and IV magnesium and sent me home with a prescription for more steroids. So I am fine, I wasn't admitted again but for now I have to take it incredibly easy, which is easier said than done when you have a 3 & 5 year old lol. Thank you everyone for your concerns, they made a huge difference in how I was feeling last night!
And now I just want to rant about my er experience last night, when taken back the triage nurse asked me what my pain level was at and I told her it was a 9 when sitting but a 10 when standing. To which I was told "you can't be at that pain level, only gun shot victims are at that level of pain."
E-fucking-xcuse me?
Pain is subjective for one, and I have an extremely high pain tolerance so when I say I'm at a 10 I'm actually beyond that. But like who are you to tell me my pain level isn't what it actually is. My lungs were no longer expanding properly, it felts like my lungs were on fire, being stabbed and ripped out of my body all at once of course I was in pain.
Then when the doctor finally came he asked me if I was experiencing any anxiety I told him yeah, he said it was probably the anxiety giving me my breathing problems and not my asthma.
I got a breathing treatment and he came back about 15 minutes after, saw that I was doing better and goes "I guess it was your asthma". Yeah it's almost as if I know what is wrong with me because I have had asthma for 10 years now. I am just so tired of being treated like this when I need help, I am actually developing a distrust for all doctors and medical care centers in general because no one takes me seriously. I don't know if it's because I'm a woman and doctors just assume women are making their symptoms up, if it's because of my hair, or whatever bullshit it could be but I'm tired of it. I can't even get my primary care doctor to see me and when I call for an appointment they just tell me to go to the ER or urgent care. I've started to look into medicinal herbs and plants for lung health and migraines so that I can maybe, finally get some relief and get control over my health so I don't have to worry about if the next time I have an asthma attack like this that I might die.
#not writing ask#beau is sick#fucking doctors man#i know my body and if you would just listen to me you would save us all a lot of time#hospital#doctors#emergency room
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Doomed | Part Two
Masterpost
A/N: I’m sorry you had to wait so long for part 2 and that this seems like a filler, but I promise it isn’t! I also enjoyed writing some soft Bonnie, so please don’t come at me for the lack of action lol.
Tag List: @imgrullas @beautycinders @maggiescarborough @lovemissyhoneybee @ellaestloved @swweett-insanityyy @peaky-fookin-blinders-addict @writeroutoftime @namelesslosers @elisabethisdead @amirahiddleston @sinfulshelbys @yoheyyosup
Pairing: Bonnie Gold x Shelby!Sister Reader
Word Count: 2801
Type: lots of fluff, violence, swearing
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The sound of men cheering, talking loudly and shouting met you, when you pushed open the large entrance to the vehicle factory, in which Tommy and Arthur prepared automobiles for their Russian clients. You knew it was a dream come true for Arthur, working with and on cars being a passion of his and you were happy for your eldest brother. He’d been fighting a lot of demons in the last few years, even though he didn’t want to admit it. And it hurt you to see Tommy banning any personal and emotional battles for the sake of the business, forcing Arthur into a position of having to ignore his feelings, exactly the way Tommy did. But you knew, Arthur was going to break sooner or later. Surely sooner than Tommy.
Your heels clicked on the floor covered in little pools of oil and water, as you walked past the many vehicles, some disassembled, most of them ready for dispatch, towards the hall in the back. You turned around a corner and immediately frowned by the sight that was presented to you.
Around two dozen workers stood around a makeshift boxing ring, following a match going on within the rope. As you got closer, you noticed your two older brothers standing together with Aberama Gold outside the ring, watching the fight take place.
You cursed under your breath, remembering Mr. Gold’s words about seeing each other again soon. The killings at John’s funeral had only been the start of the alliance.
You already dreaded the encounter with Gold after ignoring the handshake he’d offered you when you’d first met. After all, he’d saved you from being shot by the Italian. Meaning, he was the reason you were still alive, and you honestly hadn’t thought about it too much. Until now.
You went around the ring, walking in the direction of Tommy and not paying any attention to the two men throwing and dodging punches. When you stood behind your brother, you tapped him on his shoulder. Startled, he whipped his head around. “What are you doing here?”
“Polly sent me. She’s calling a meeting.”
“Can it wait? I’m busy.”
You scoffed. “With what? Arranging weird boxing matches in the vehicle factory?”
With that, you finally threw a gaze at the boxers. Your breath got caught in your throat when you spotted Bonnie stripped down to his undershirt, hands stuck in red gloves. His movements were quick and even though he wasn’t sending a lot of hits, he somehow seemed to know what he was doing. The only thing concerning you was the obvious fact that his opponent was a heavyweight. And Bonnie clearly wasn't even close to being a heavyweight. The sight made you gulp, and worry settled in your stomach.
“What is Bonnie doing in there?” you gasped, eyes wide in disbelief.
Tommy just shrugged. “That’s what we’re going to see.”
“Your boy knows he can hit back, right?” you heard Arthur tease. Aberama, who was standing next to Arthur, luckily unable to spot you from that position, was quick to respond. “Told him in the professional game people want their money’s worth, don’t win too fast.”
Aberama’s eyes were fixed on his son, watching him carefully. Bonnie swung out and landed a precise hit on the opponent’s face. Another punch followed, only a split second later.
“But if you’ve seen enough …” Aberama said, still not taking his concentrated gaze away from the match. “Finish it, Bonnie!”
That seemed to have been Bonnie’s cue. The larger man hit his gloves together, preparing himself for what was coming. But only a few moments later, it was clear that there hadn’t been a chance for him to prepare himself for what Bonnie was able to do. The heavyweight lunged forward, missing Bonnie by a lot, his fist hitting plain air. That mistake gave Bonnie the chance to take over control and surprise him with powerful strikes into his abdomen. Stunned, the man stumbled backwards, moving his hands to shield his face from the attack. But Bonnie was quicker. He sent a punch from below and then a last one directly at his temple, knocking him out completely.
“Fuck me, that was a punch,” you heard Arthur exclaim, while one of the workers ran up to the heavyweight to help his slumped body onto his feet again. “What’s he got, horseshoes in those gloves or what?”
“No,” Aberama replied, ducking under the rope to get inside the ring, “just his dad’s strength and his mother’s temper.”
Aberama helped his son out of his boxing gloves before Arthur and Tommy moved closer to the Gold’s. That was when you moved a few steps backwards, but not too far away from the scene. You were too intrigued.
“Does he have fits?” Tommy asked.
“No.”
“Asthma?”
Aberama denied again.
“How’s he cut?” Arthur questioned.
“Well, no one’s cut him yet, but his skin’s think.”
You scoffed at the way Bonnie’s father answered all the questions. It just showed you how much control Aberama seemed to have over his son, just like Tommy did with you. Families like yours and Bonnie’s clearly functioned very likewise.
“Does he drink?” Another question from Tommy.
“Water, sometimes.”
“How many fights?”
“Twenty-five, bareknuckle, all knockouts. Five with gloves in pastures, all knockouts,” Aberama boasted, his eyes, filled with a proud gaze, moved back and forth between Tommy and Arthur.
Arthur cleared his throat. “Against Romani fighters?”
“That’s why they won’t let us in the fairs no more, he keeps winning,” Aberama replied, right before Bonnie interrupted with a comment of his own. “I could fight a fucking tree and knock it out, Mr. Shelby.”
His son’s words made Aberama chuckle pridefully and throw an arm around him. Arthur snickered in response to Bonnie’s statement. “I like him, I like him.”
Suddenly you felt somebody push themselves past you, towards your brothers. It was Tommy’s assistant.
You watched him lean forward and whisper something to Tommy. Your brother nodded and answered in a tone, just as quiet. The assistant then ran off, up the stairs to one of the meeting rooms.
Bonnie and his father moved from one side of the ring to the other, giving Arthur and Tommy some time and space to stick their heads together about the boxing matter. You decided to join your brothers, curious about what was going on.
“What was this all about?” you asked, stepping out of your spot behind one of the large wooden pillars in the hall.
“Bonnie wants to fight and we’re deciding on whether we’re going to help or not,” Tommy replied, looking over to the Gold’s.
You let out a scoff. “You mean control him, not help him.”
Tommy let his blue eyes wander back to you, the usual unimpressed, blank stare plastered on them. “Everything I do is business, Y/N.”
“I just want you to see him as a person,” you said, a reproachful tone in your voice. You watched as your brother slightly rolled his eyes.
“Why do you care?” Arthur asked, a little confused about you getting involved in the boxing subject.
You rolled your bottom lips between your teeth. “He seems nice, Arthur. And kind. Something my family often seems to lack.”
Arthur frowned at your remark. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m just saying, Arthur.”
Tommy seemed to have enough of your opinion and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder, guiding him a bit away from you to talk in private. You watched as they discussed Bonnie’s performance and how they could profit off of it.
It didn’t take long for them to call over Bonnie and Aberama and by the way Arthur pulled out a bundle of cash and started counting the notes, you knew they had agreed on working with the Gold boy. And just before Tommy sped off to the office upstairs, he handed Bonnie a cap. “You’re a Peaky Blinder now, son.”
You noticed Bonnie sending his father an unsure look, but eventually put on the cap when Aberama took the money from Arthur’s hands. The deal was settled, and you weren’t sure how to feel about it. Weirdly enough, you were anxious about Bonnie being a Peaky Blinder now. Anxious for the son of a dangerous hitman. The more you thought about it, the more ridiculous it got.
You’d been so caught up in your mind, that you hadn’t noticed the Gold men approaching you. When you lifted your gaze, Arthur was nowhere to be seen.
“Came here to finally properly introduce yourself to us?” Aberama sneered. Bonnie nudged his father, his face showed a hint of embarrassment. “Dad, c’mon.”
You shook your head. “No, it’s okay. I really should apologise.”
Aberama lifted his eyebrows in surprise. He probably didn’t expect a Shelby to ask for forgiveness. At least not this quick.
“I’m aware that I … let’s say, owe you my life in a way? And I wanted to thank you,” you said, a slightly shaky hand pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. You weren’t used to apologising. Being a Peaky Blinder meant you weren’t sorry. For anything. But since you started to distance yourself more and more from being solely associated with your family name, you actually truly wanted to apologise.
“And I’m Y/N, by the way.”
You carefully held out your hand, knowing very well you had left Aberama hanging when he’d introduced himself to you. Fortunately, he didn’t seem to have any bad feelings left, accepting your hand, gripping it firmly and shaking it. Then, he sent you a confirming nod and let go of your hand. “You’re not like the rest of your family, are you?”
“I take that as a compliment,” you said, a small smile creeping onto your face.
Aberama didn’t respond, simply tipping his hat and walking off, leaving you and Bonnie to yourselves.
Your eyes followed Aberama for a while, before they eventually landed on the pretty man in front of you.
“I’m impressed,” you stated, giving him a wider smile than the one you gave his father.
“Have you been watching the entire time?” Bonnie chuckled, scratching the back of his head a little awkwardly.
You nodded. “Polly sent me to call a meeting, but it seems as though neither Tommy nor Arthur felt addressed by it.”
Bonnie let another chuckle escape his lips.
“Anyway,” you said, “I see that you’re one of us now.”
“I am and I’m excited to start training as soon as possible,” Bonnie responded, a wide grin on his face. There was no doubt, that boxing made him happy. A happiness you were still searching for. Making you feel a tiny bit jealous.
Angry at your reaction to his cheerfulness, you swallowed down the lump in your throat. “It doesn’t look like you’ll be following in your father’s footsteps.”
Bonnie shook his head, taking off the cap and running his strong hands through his dark, curly hair. “No, but I don’t think he minds. My goal is to be a professional.”
“I like that, you know?”
“You do?”
You hummed. “I’m not planning on doing anything even close to what my family are doing. Trying to get away from the business, but with the situation we’re in at the moment, that’s not an option. Not right now, at least.”
Bonnie rolled up the cap with his hands. “I didn’t see you at Charlie’s yard after the funeral.”
You sighed. “I needed some time … to myself.”
“I understand,” Bonnie said, giving you a weak smile of comfort. “I’m sorry, about your brother.”
Bonnie’s words sent an unfamiliar warmth to your chest. It reminded you of the feeling you had gotten sat behind him on his horse. So many people had offered their condolences to you, but none of them felt like they truly meant it.
And then there was Bonnie.
“And I’m sorry for what happened at Charlie’s Yard,” you mumbled, looking down at the ground sheepishly. He immediately understood that you were talking about his father wanting to buy the boat yard and Tommy making the disgusting move of involving Bonnie’s eldest sister in the deal. The sacred coin.
“You don’t need to apologise on behalf of your brother, Y/N. It had nothing to do with you,” Bonnie promptly replied, lifting your head up with his index and middle finger. The subtle, but intimate gesture made your heart beat faster.
“It was still quite the dick move,” you murmured, trying to escape his mesmerising hazel eyes.
Bonnie laughed. “Yes, it was. But the good thing is, Charlie still has his yard.”
You were in absolute awe of Bonnie’s personality. So positive and kind. The complete opposite of what the Gold’s represented. What is father represented.
“Can I ask you something?”
You tilted your head curiously. “Anything.”
“What did you mean when you told Tommy about feeling safe with me?”
You cursed at yourself internally. You’d almost forgotten that you had said that out loud. It had felt right momentarily, letting go of everything you had been bottling up, but thinking about now made you cringe.
Your desperate tries to avoid his stare were useless. All of his attention was directed at you, burning into your skin, impossible for you ignore. So, you looked up and met his gaze.
“Can I like … take it back?” you chuckled, trying to turn the topic into something funny.
He grinned, shaking his head. “Fuck no.”
You let out a groan, burying your head in your hands. “I just really loved your company, for a change.”
Bonnie let out a laugh. “Only for a change?”
You moved your head back up, rolling your eyes, with a grin on your lips. “You know what I mean. You’re different and I like that.”
“Different because I don’t want to cut out people’s eyes and shoot them in the head for a living?”
You giggled. “Yes, that too. But mostly because you care. I knew you cared about me being safe, back at the funeral. And I knew you meant it, when you said you were sorry for what happened to my brother.”
Bonnie seemed to be overwhelmed by your confession, a cute shade of pink appearing on his cheeks. “Uh– I’m glad you felt that way. Although, I am concerned that you feel like nobody else cares about you.”
“It’s not that,” you sighed, your voice traced with sadness. “I just hate the way everything is about business. It’s as if feelings and emotions are prohibited in this family.”
You heard Bonnie sigh as well. Then, he put a hand on your upper arm, giving it a squeeze. Gentle enough to comfort you, strong enough to let you know you weren’t alone.
“Would you like a hug?”
Bonnie cleared his throat, when he noticed you staring at him in surprise. “I’m sorry if this was awkward, I–“
“No,” you cut him off, “I would really like a hug.”
The way he had asked you, had made your stomach erupt in thousands of butterflies. Tickling your insides in a manner that was wonderful and annoying at the same time. The way he didn’t just pull you into an embrace without making sure you were comfortable with the closeness.
Bonnie smiled down at you and let go of your arm before wrapping his muscular arms around you. Your cheek was softly pressed against his chest and his pleasant scent made its way into your nose, briefly numbing every part of your body.
Too early, Bonnie pulled back again. “Feeling a little bit better?”
“A lot,” you admitted, sensing your cheeks imitating the colour Bonnie’s had before. Although you were convinced it wasn’t the same sweet pink, but a deep cherry red.
“You’re very beautiful, you know that?” Bonnie suddenly said.
You placed your cool hands on your flushed cheeks, trying to calm them down, but it was useless. The heat just travelled further to your ears, making this whole encounter even more embarrassing for you.
“Are you flirting with me, Bonnie Gold?” you asked.
He laughed. “Of course, I am! Would’ve been very awkward if you were that oblivious.”
You playfully hit his arm and opened your mouth to respond to his cheeky remark, but were suddenly interrupted by a loud voice.
“Bonnie! Let the lady be, we need to get going!”
Aberama’s voice resounded in the wide, open factory hall. Bonnie pinched the bridge of his nose in slight annoyance.
“I need to get going,” he announced. You chuckled. “I heard.”
“Even if it doesn’t seem like it, I’m not dependent on my father.”
Your chuckle turned into laughter. “Understood.”
Then, he sent you a last, beautiful smile, his white, gorgeous teeth shining from behind his lips. “I’ll see you around. I’ll make sure of it.”
#peaky blinders#peaky blinders series#peaky blinders fanfic#bonnie gold#shelby sister#shelby!sister#shelby!sis#bonnie gold x reader#bonnie gold x shelby!sis#doomed#doomed mini series#bonnie gold series#aberama gold#tommy shelby#thomas shelby#arthur shelby
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What do you think the OPM characters' guilty pleasures would be? I feel like Tatsu loves soap operas and Atomic Samurai secretly loves a really popular boy band, like SMAP
Thanks for your request, anon! Sorry this took me so long to get to, you were buried in my inbox lol. But I hope this was worth the wait because oh boy this required all 3 of my brain cells.
Tornado of Terror: As you said, soap operas. She also loves candy apples in canon. But...she also is a HUGE fan of those really cheesy Cosmopolitan magazines that have all of the personality quizzes and the “which hot male celeb would date you” scenarios. She doesn’t fall for it one bit. In fact, she hate reads those fuckers in the same way that people pay to go see bad movies. It’s fun.
Silverfang: Yoga and following along to some cheesy-ass 80s workout videos. I’ve said he likes yoga in a previous headcanon, but he also likes to exercise along to some obnoxious 80s pop while some dude in a leotard instructs him on what to do from a TV screen. He wears sweatbands and legwarmers, too. The whole shebang. He only does it when he’s alone, though. Sometimes he’ll try to teach yoga to his disciples as a way to help them decompress after a long training session, but his workout tapes are his best-kept secret.
Atomic Samurai: I don’t know what a SMAP is, but he’s definitely got some questionable music choices going on considering he’s... well, the way that he is. I’d say he likes to listen to old country, like Marty Robbins and Glen Campbell. It’s really funny because you’ve got this intimidating man from Japan (or a fictional universe basically set in Japan) with a badass katana and shit but inside that empty head of his, there’s just a faint “out in the west Texas town of El Paso....”
Child Emperor: Picking at scabs. He’s often on his knees fixing shit in his lab, and he probably gets burned all the damn time from playing around with lasers so he’s undoubtedly always has a wound healing somewhere. Whenever he’s working on something, he’ll just absentmindedly pick at his scabs. It’s a bad habit and he knows it, but nothing beats the feeling of peeling off an entire patch of that shit. So satisfying.
Metal Knight: Buying books. He doesn’t even read them. He just buys bigass novels with smart-sounding names to fill up his library because he thinks it’ll make his dick grow another three inches or some shit. One of the few things he likes in this world (besides homicide) is the smell of a new book. If he’s feeling particularly pissy, he’ll go into his library and just ssssssnnnnnnnnnniififfffffffffff. He spends an outrageous amount of money on it. If he has anyone over (which is unlikely, but hypothetically speaking) and they mention his library by asking something like “have you read all of these?” It’ll be one of the few times in his life that he’ll feel shame.
King: Reading and writing fanfiction based on his favorite video game/anime series. Nobody knows he does this except his small following online, of course. And even more so, nobody online knows he’s an ultra-popular S-Class hero who’s friends with the most powerful man on earth. He’s actually a pretty decent writer, he just doesn’t take himself too seriously so the plotline to his stories tend to get a little haywire and overly self-indulgent. Let him have his fun. He just wants to be a Sailor Scout.
Zombieman: Singing. He actually used to be a good singer (he sounded like a discount Steve Perry back in the day), but constant smoking really fucked up his voice. He might as well have lungs the size of grapes because he can’t carry a note for more than 2 seconds without wheezing like an accordion with asthma. He’s never sang in front of anyone before because he thinks it’s silly thing that isn’t worth showing off. Play anything from The Eagles though, and he’ll have a hard time resisting.
Drive Knight: He likes to open up panels in his arms and legs to play with the wires (basically a robot’s version of nerve endings, I’m assuming) just so he can feel something. It’s kind of sad because he doesn’t experience pain or the cold or being tickled... (I know what y’all are thinking and you’d better STOP). So he sometimes takes it upon himself to dick around with his insides and dip his toe into what it feels like to be human, even if it’s just for a little bit. He’s super secretive about it (he’s just secretive about everything, really) because he doesn’t want anyone to know that he desires something outside of being a weapon of mass destruction justice.
Pig God: His whole schtick is basically indulging in a guilty pleasure — pigging out on delicious food with no regard whatsoever for one’s overall health. Other than that, however, he does like to collect body pillows. There, I said it. All he fucking does is eat and he’s too much of a big boi to be going out 24/7, so he’s gotta be on the internet/watching anime/playing video games/reading manga during all of that downtime between his stints of doing hero work. His bed is fucking ginormous to handle all of that big boy-ness and on it, he has his body pillow nest. He rests on a throne made for kings. A true icon.
Superalloy Darkshine: Also working out along to some cheesy 80s exercise videos. His hero outfit was inspired from what those ravishing instructors would wear on the television. Well, it was supposed to be a full leotard but it ripped every time he flexed just a tiny bit so the speedo is the only thing that’s left. He’s gotta hella rhythm and keeps up with the music using little to no effort. Although, he can’t go too hard because he’s also a big boi and he’ll literally shake the entire building if he gets too turnt up. Dance muscle boy, dance.
Watchdog Man: Eating too many dog treats lol. Sometimes while he’s stationed on his little podium thing, visitors will leave him little offerings like dog treats and other miscellaneous food items/toys. He never takes them or eats them in front of people, but he often brings everything home with him after a long day just to gobble that shit up. He’s gained a little weight since he started doing it but you can’t even notice it because his suit is hella bulky. Some of it is due in part to stress-eating because being a dog and dude at the same time is hectic, but it’s honest work.
Flashy Flash: Racing shit. Whenever he’s on his travels during, say, assassination missions or hero work, he gets hella bored really quickly. So, to help with this, he’ll often race birds or planes flying in the sky on his way to his destination to see who’s quicker (it’s always him). Sometimes he’ll even play catch with himself by throwing a pine cone or something and running to the place he guesses it’ll land before it even touches the ground. He just does a ton of weird speedster shit whenever he’s bored and he’ll deny it if anyone asks.
Genos: Purposefully putting a little bit too much oil on his joints after each upgrade so he’ll be as slick as a salamander. It’s a really funny feeling to be able to move your limbs with little to no resistance without having to worry about popping or breaking anything. It just makes him feel so agile despite being like, a hunk of actual metal. If he wasn’t so uptight, he would loosen the screws in his fingers to he can bend them almost all the way back (he’s actually thought about it a few times), but both Dr. Kuseno and his 3 remaining braincells attested to that. He just likes to tinker around with his body and see what weird shit he can do. It’s a bad habit because it’s led to a few things being broken on multiple occasions.
Metal Bat: Zenko’s shitty pop music. Whenever he drops her off at school or piano practice, he’ll immediately go home and blast that shit on full volume (because he’s practically deaf from always jumping out of falling buildings and continuously blasting music in his earbuds) while doing chores and the like. He’s one of those people that HAVE to have something going on in the background as they’re getting shit done. He’d rather be caught dead than listening to the OPM equivalent of Taylor Swift because he knows Zenko would never let him live it down.
Tanktop Master: Wearing suits around the house when he’s not even going anywhere. He’s got to wear his tanktop 24/7 whenever he’s in public to keep up The Image (which he has no problem with, he genuinely loves the tanktop ideology) but he also needs to feel fancy every once and a while. So, if he happens to have the time while in between appearances, he’ll prance around in a suit tailored just for him. Because he’s so fucking huge that he had to pay someone a large sum to custom make an outfit that actually fits. He is 7-motherfucking-feet tall. 7.
Puri-Puri Prisoner: Making Valentine’s Day cards all times of the year. Listen, it gets boring as hell in prison. Sometimes the guards will let all of the inmates have a little glitter and glue to keep themselves busy because no harm can come of a little arts and crafts, right? He likes to make cards on the daily just to let all of his lovers know how much he appreciates them. If they express even the slightest amount of disdain for his creations, he’ll spent the next week crying in the darkest corner of his cell block. He also likes origami. Origami is huge in prison because it’s hella time-consuming and guaranteed to calm a busy mind. His favorite things to make are little unicorns.
Amai Mask: Bath bombs. There have been several mishaps in which he’s used a poorly-made bath bomb and came out of the tub looking like Shrek but he’s grown and lot since then, okay? After a long day or a particularly stressful concert, he’ll sink into some hot water and drop a ball of lavender-scented goodness in there. It’s become a bit of an addiction because he’s got multiple cabinets dedicated solely to his collection, but at least he always smells divine.
Iaian: Shakespearean dramas. Kama got him hooked on theater shit and he’s since ripped through all of the most well-known plays. He thinks in iambic pentameter. It wasn’t always noticeable since he’s a quiet, well-reserved guy but his fellow disciples and Kami have recently noticed that he’s developed a bit of a dramatic flair. Even worse, he’s started calling himself a knight whenever he puts on his armor. Everyone prays it’s just a phase but seeing as how stubborn Iaian is, that seeks highly unlikely. Kami is dying inside because he can’t handle another drama nerd.
Okamaitachi: Soap operas, like Tatsumaki. Kama is the most dramatic out of all of the disciples so it’s only natural that she’d like the most dramatic genre of any show out there. She doesn’t exactly watch them religiously though. She’s the type of viewer to drop off the face of the earth for three seasons and come back without knowing what the fuck is going on (because the disciples have limited access to cable due to Kami’s dumbassery and ignorance to anything technology-related), but still cry during the finale anyway because oh no these people are so hot and one of them is deaaaaaad and the other one is that person’s long-lost sister....
Bushidrill: Taking alcohol from Atomic Samurai’s stash every so often. Bushidrill knows what the good shit is and he could buy it himself if he wanted to, but why would he when there’s a perfectly good alcoholic to steal from living right down the hall? He only takes in small doses because, believe it or not—he’s smart, but Kami isn’t gonna notice regardless of whether or not Bushi takes 1 or 5 bottles at a time because the old shit couldn’t spot a purple raccoon if it was 3 feet in front of him. There have been times where Bushi has opened bottles of Kami’s alcohol right in front of him just to play God and he always, without missing a beat, says “Oh, we have the same taste. How neat.”
Fubuki: I’ve said this before in a previous headcanon, but she has a mild obsession with Victorian aesthetic. She’s got a small collection of semi-authentic ballgowns that cost upwards of a-fuckton-of-money each, but anything’s worth it to be able to play dress-up with Lily. Fubuki’s favorite thing is making Lily feel beautiful because everyone has been an insecure teenager at one point and she knows how it feels to not be comfortable in one’s own skin. This isn’t exactly a guilty pleasure because she’s not guilty about it, but it’s almost gotten to a point where an intervention is needed. She’s got so many damn dresses and sooooo much fine china....
Saitama: Retail therapy, lol. Saitama is only good at budgeting because he has no choice given how fucking poor he is, but give this boy even a little bit of leeway and he’ll buy the ugliest clothes (to which he thinks look poppin’) and the best meats without even batting an eye. His entire manga collection is the product of him having little to no self control the moment he realizes he’s got a bit of money to spend on himself. This is also the only time he’ll experiment with cooking because now he can actually afford to fuck up, literally.
Mumen Rider: Sweets! I’ve said this in a previous hc but he has a major sweet tooth. You can substitute salt for sugar in any given recipe and he’ll see it as a major improvement because he just goes absolutely buckwild for anything sweet. His pancreas is suffering, but he believes nothing feels better than curling up under the covers on a rainy day with a heaping helping of milk chocolate. The only thing that makes him feel better after getting beat to shit is a kiss on the cheek and box of his favorite cookies (and some bananas, lol).
Sonic: Like Flash, he also likes racing things. But, in addition to that, his guilty pleasure is doing his own hair in elaborate hairstyles (when it was longer). He’s pretty much homeless so he’s got a lot of time to himself in between murders. This is when you can find him sitting in the woods somewhere braiding flowers into his hair and tying it off with a moss ribbon. He’d never admit he does this because he’s a big macho man and he’d probably cry.
Garou: Spicy chips. I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he absolutely inhales his food without even tasting it half the time so it’s not even like he gets to enjoy the flavor that much. He just likes the burn because he’s a shithead. He also doesn’t fear death or a torn-up asshole, so he’ll eat an entire family-sized bag of the OPM-universe equivalent to Takis without even batting an eye. He’s been beat to shit so many times that the agony that comes with downing so much spice is lost on him. He doesn’t even need water. It’s insane. Someone stop this madman at once.
#one punch man#opm#tatsumaki#silverfang#atomic samurai#child emperor#metal knight#headcanon#opm headcanons#king#zombieman#drive knight#pig god#superalloy darkshine#watchdog man#flashy flash#metal bat#genos#puri puri prisoner#tanktop master#amai mask#iaian#bushidrill#okamaitachi#garou#saitama#fubuki#mumen rider#speed of sound sonic#asks
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It’s finally time ya’ll. Part one to my best friend, Kirsten, reacting to the first episode of Band of Brothers, Currahee!
(Kirsten is blue, I am pink)
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Opening intro begins
Look! It’s Speirs!
I love him
That’s all your gonna see of him this episode
FUCK
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Literally the first scene with Nix and Winters
“We’ll go to Chicago, I’ll take you there”
Wow, he’s already asking him out on a date
*laughing*
Episode one! He’s a go-getter!
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Sobel shows up
IS THAT ROSS?!?!?
*laughing* yes
I can not take this man seriously
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Easy company are forced to run
Wait is that why they are called Easy Company? because they, like, suck.
*I started fucking wheezing this was so funny to me idk why*
I’m serious!
No! That’s what there company is called, their’s Able, Fox, Dog, Item-
Easy got the short end of the stick, Dog company sounds cooler
You know who runs Dog Company?
Who?.....*gasp of realization*
*Laughing*
SPIERS
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like 10 seconds later
*snorts* because they suck
*laughing*
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Running scene
Thick thighs save lives boys!
Hell yeah
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“What infractions sir?”
“Find some”
wHaAaT???
Sounds like my parents lol
pphht
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Winters starts naming his infractions list
Perconte???? LIPTON!?!?
lol you good?
I’m already getting attached
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While they’re eating their “spaghetti”
I bet this is some kind of punishment and he’s gonna make them run or something so they’ll throw up
*long pause because I am honestly pretty shocked she figured it out*
Am I right???
*silence*
I’M RIGHT!
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like 20 seconds later
I FUCKING KNEW IT
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“Are those dusty Jump Wings???”
*giggles like a school girl*
THAT scene when Toye get’s really close to Luz and tells him to get him a drink
*Seductively* Oh.
*laughing*
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THAT scene with Nix and Winters on the train
They’re literally flirting
IKR
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Training in Europe, gunfire everywhere as they train
Lol, I’m in the ghetto, ratatata
*dying*
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Malarkey is in a tank top, so I HAD to point it out
Look! It’s arm’s boy
*sighs lovingly*
Wait, what’s his name?.....MALARKEY
Yeah!
I’m remembering them now
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Sobel gets chewed out by Sink
His name is Herbert? That explains everything
*laughing*
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I love how respectful Winters is, I mean “don’t take from these men” I love him
*laughing*
He’d treat me right
*still laughing* what about Speirs?
I can have both
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Guarnere finds out his brother died
aw that’s so sad :(
Oh you think that’s sad? Just you wait
Stop! I already feel like Babe is going to die and I haven’t even met him yet
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Literally pauses on Roe because he’s my boi and I love him
Look how cute he is!!
He’s such a baby! A freaking fetus!
*laughing*
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Everyone on the planes
They all look so sad, but sexy with those fishnet helmets ;)
*laughing*
We should bring that back
#bringbackWWII
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Episode ends
How was it Kirsten?
It was good! except that whole montage part at the end where they’re all looking sad
They want us to know how they feel!
I already know! It’s war! Everyone should be sad
Well, people are excited and making memes about WWIII so
Lol, Imagine if they draft my brother
Why not you?
Um...because I’m like 5′2, have flat feet, have three holes in my heart, and have like medically diagnosed shitty lungs.
........I have asthma
*both laughing*
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Well, that’s Kirstens reaction to Currahee. This took so long to do I was not expecting that, but it’s worth it. Band of Brothers is now one of Kirstens favorite shows ever, i kinda hooked her and I absolutely love that.
So hopefully y’all enjoy my crackhead friend, cause there’s gonna be n i n e more of these 😅
Part two, three
#band of brothers#hbo war#kirstens reaction#eugene roe#george luz#lewis nixon#babe heffron#richard winters#ronald speirs#carwood lipton#frank perconte
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glad to know you are mostly recovered from covid! if i may ask, could you describe how where your symptoms or at what pace you got them? the information i've got from both medical / govermental sources in my country is contradictory at times. also, what would you recommend drinking if i found myself to be with covid?
first off: WATER!!! drink water!!! I mean you can probably drink whatever as long as it’s moderately healthy and you’re staying hydrated (my drink of choice while sick is red gatorade. it has to be red or it doesn’t work though) but water is always a safe bet
also I’m happy to share my experience, just know that (1) I am not a doctor, just a professional Sick Person and (2) I never officially got tested thanks to a shortage of coronavirus tests in my area, but I’m pretty damn sure my symptoms were aligned with covid-19, so take that as you will
the first thing I noticed was a sore throat... but I have sore throats allll the time because of my other health issues, so I didn’t think much of it. I did start to notice my sore throat was getting better (from a previous mystery illness that knocked me out for a few days, and which I initially thought was strep but was probably just a bad cold) before suddenly getting bad again. I also had a day where my sore throat was especially pronounced and I had that Really Tired Feeling you get when you’re sick. I guess we can call that day one, but at this point I definitely didn’t think I had corona
that night I noticed some chest tightness, which I initially wrote off as an anxiety attack (and considering my extremely anxious personality and the fact that we were battening down the hatches for a pandemic, that seemed like a fair assumption) but using my inhaler didn’t help--in fact, it made the pain worse! but it did pass eventually, more or less, and I forgot about it
(side note here that if you think you have corona, do NOT use your albuterol inhaler or any kind of steroid inhaler unless you’re having a legit asthma attack with wheezing and all the works. using your inhaler can make the corona symptoms worse, but obviously if you need to use it then it’s important to keep using it. consult your doctor. also another similar note: if you think you have it, stay away from most NSAIDs if you can, as those can also make things worse. tylenol is okay though as long as you’re careful about the dosage--not as a corona thing, you just always need to be careful with tylenol dosage. and it’ll help keep your fever down, which is important!)
then over the next day or two I noticed the chest pain flare-ups but wrote those off as well. they were short-lived and mainly seemed to happen at night, but the inhaler always made them worse. around this time I also started experiencing some general GI upset for a few days (not to get too into that...), but I have a very touchy digestive track and was taking antibiotics at the same for other unrelated reasons, so I was like “well it’s probably nothing” but was starting to get worried.
then about five days later, the chest tightness really made itself present. like, it lasted all day and was constant. I was concerned but not immediately freaking out, and it was really windy that day so I kind of chalked it up to allergies, but as a very allergic person I’ve never had chest tightness like that from allergies (and my other allergic symptoms have improved considerably since I started allergy shots, so it would be weird to have a new symptom crop up out of nowhere like that).
then the next day, and the next day, the tightness wasn’t going away. this was clearly not allergies. I started to seriously think about corona tests, and I even called my primary care doctor, but she was extremely dismissive (all she did was call in a prescription for an old allergy drug that never even worked for me in the first place) and it was downright impossible to get tested. I was freaked out, but not entirely sure.
it’s about day seven at this point, and the chest tightness is in full swing. when I first wake up, the pain isn’t really present, but after about an hour of wakefulness my chest starts to get tight, congested, and kind of has that rattle-y feeling when it’s full of mucus and crap from the postnasal drip. not much congestion otherwise, but I’m so hopped up on antihistamines at all times that I don’t really get congested in general. the best way I can describe the chest tightness is that it feels like when I exert myself and my asthma makes my chest seize up and it’s hard to catch my breath (aka every single PE class I was ever forced to take as a kid), but my inhaler doesn’t do shit. my throat is still hurting pretty bad too and I feel vaguely fevery, but I don’t have a working thermometer at home. overall I just feel shitty, like that feeling you have when you know you’re sick (and I get sick a lot so I’m pretty well-versed in that lol). for quarantine purposes, this is the day I’ve been counting as the “first day” of having obvious corona symptoms, but it was really predated by the things I described above.
several days pass like this, I keep trying to get tested and call all sorts of places but it’s all dead ends. I also develop a slight cough, which mostly comes in bursts or when I speak/eat. by day twelve I manage to get a primary care appointment, and they do an EKG to make sure it’s not cardiac pain (the EKG came back fine) and a throat swab to see if it’s something bacterial (it’s not). they do confirm I’m running a slight fever, although my body temperature is usually so low that even a fever of 99 is high for me. my primary care doc basically tells me to fuck off and stay home, which I was already planning on doing. she also didn’t even wear a mask or gloves to look into my throat, despite the fact that all the other nurses in the practice were wearing masks and gloves when they interacted with patients... so I’m not exactly full of confidence in her judgement here.
the night of day thirteen, the day after seeing my doctor, I have a night where I can’t sleep because my airway feels restricted (both in my chest and my actual throat being swollen from pain). I used my inhaler, like a fool, and when the inhaler didn’t help the first time I tried using it two more times. big mistake! I ended up lying awake gasping for air, taking huge gulps just to feel like I was getting the teeniest bit of oxygen, and feeling stabbing pain when I took these deep breaths. I was too afraid to sleep and almost made my girlfriend drive me to the ER but I hate going to the ER so instead I just tried to calm down until I got exhausted enough to fall asleep around dawn. I also kept alternating between sweating buckets and shivering to death, no matter how I kept adjusting the temperature and my blankets, so I assume I was having a crazy fever that night.
the next day, roughly day fourteen, I decided to suck it up and go to the ER to get a chest x-ray. they said my x-ray looked fine, which was encouraging (hopefully no permanent lung damage there), and they took a flu swab and a strep swab just to rule those out (both negative, of course). at least two other people were there with me in the ER complaining of similar symptoms, but they didn’t have any tests for us so the doctor just told me to go home, act as if I had it, and keep taking tylenol and drinking water. this doctor is also the one who told me to stop using my inhaler--and the fact that my inhaler kept making the pain worse is one of the things that really tips me off here that I probably had it.
things are pretty much uneventful for the next week: still having a tight chest, a fever that seems to come and go, sore throat, cough. no more crazy attacks like that one night.
by day nineteen (yesterday) I start to notice a bit of improvement in my chest pain. it’s not gone, but it’s not as bad and I’ll have slight reprieves from the tightness. today is day twenty (more or less, my numbers are a little rough here) and I actually felt okay most of the day. by the evening the tightness returned and I’m still coughing every now and then, but far less often. I think the fever is gone and my throat doesn’t hurt too bad, either! I’m well past the point of being contagious, so I actually went to the grocery store today and got a few things. I’m not totally out of the woods yet, but I think (knock on fucking wood) the worst has passed.
anyway, I hope my anecdote is helpful for you, and I hope you stay safe and healthy!
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kvetching about asthma & health stuff below the cut
man sure would be nice to remember what it’s like to be able to breathe properly
my last really severe episode lasted a week, and then I was mostly okay for ... two weeks
and then this episode has been ongoing since June 3, i’ve had multiple acute asthma attacks since friday alone that barely respond to my emergency inhaler (including one attack that incapacitated me for more than an hour at work), and my sleeping has been absolutely terrible the last few nights because i Can’t Fucking Breathe (sleeping propped up or on my stomach, for some reason, helps a bit, but not nearly as much as I’d like it to) despite using the emergency inhaler
and because my pharmacy & my pcp & my insurance went back and forth for like ... a week before finally settling on an approved corticosteroid inhaler for daily use, i only just got it yesterday, and it’s going to take at least a week for it to have a noticeable effect (which, in turn, means at least another week of the emergency inhaler being less effective), and that’s if the prescription works for me. if at my check-in next week i haven’t improved enough, i have to start the song-and-dance re the corticosteroid prescription again to get a more powerful prescription
and! something that’s even more annoying! at my appointment last week, when my doctor asked me if i’d been coughing or wheezing, i said no (some clearing of my throat, but no coughing), and she basically said, oh, yeah, that’s pretty common with severe asthma, because you’re literally not breathing well enough to cough or wheeze. so it’s likely that, as the steroid treatment starts working, i’ll actually start coughing & wheezing. which sucks, on one hand, but on the other hand made me feel ... better? i guess? that i wasn’t just Making Shit Up?
this is getting really long but also i was super paranoid & preemptively embarrassed about making this post bc i was like “it’s not actually that bad, you’re just making shit up for attention” so i specifically went looking for defining characteristics of severe asthma and i just read an article that said basically “very severe asthma attacks may affect your airways so much that you don’t get enough air in and out of your lungs to make a wheezing sound or cough” so maybe i’ve just had a 3-week-long severe asthma attack with periods of like. extra severe asthma attacks doted throughout.
i’ve also talked about this a lot with my parents, and we’ve all kind of settled less on the “i’ve developed asthma suddenly because this allergy season was absolutely horrific” and more of “i had pre-existing minor asthma, due to a series of symptoms present since childhood that make sense as asthma in retrospect although i was never tested, and then it very suddenly intensely exacerbated by this allergy season”
which is. kind of funny? a little bit? i guess? i never had allergies as a kid, and have only had minor allergies as an adult, but my doctor said that this allergy season has been so horrific that she’s seen a big influx of people developing asthma, or people who’ve had asthma that was under control for years suddenly get much worse symptoms, etc etc
really crossing my fingers that this steroid treatment works and that i’ll be able to get this under control because basically this sucks so fucking much
also, lol @ me reading “what to do when you’re having an asthma attack” articles that all say “if you experience [XYZ symptoms which I have been persistently experiencing] and your symptoms persist after using your emergency inhaler, call 911 and get emergency help” like icannotread.meme.jpg. My ER copay is $350, last time I went to the ER for this they didn’t even bother offering me any form of relief other than anxiety medication (admittedly this was before i got the asthma diagnosis, but I told them that’s one of the things i thought it might be), and ambulances are five bazillion dollars.
ugh. anyway asthma sucks and i constantly physically feel like shit, F
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Quarantine Tag Game
Thank you @haztobegood for tagging me ily!
Are you staying home from work/school? Though i’m only ‘technically’ enrolled in an institution (for stipend purposes) our shared campus cancelled absolutely everything until at least mid-May. So I came home from NY two weeks ago because, epicenter, and haven’t seen a single solitary soul outside of my fam since LOL. We’re still technically doing ‘online seminars’ but like... ya can’t play in a virtual orchestra all that easily...
Who is at home with you? My parents and my bunny (she’s v cute and v demanding and shares Harry’s birthday and let me tell you, is SUCH an Aquarius)
Are you a homebody? 100%. I’m quite comfy, and I have no explanation for my anxiety being so fucking bad right now save that I’m picking up on world-wide vibes. Also though I guess there’s an underlying fear of catching the thing, I have terrible terrible lungs post op and asthma; I had lingering bronchitis for three fucking months last semester. Ug.
Any event you were looking forward to that got cancelled? My whole concert schedule LOL. My last (for the foreseeable future) Carnegie concert, and an upcoming audition (job prospects for me moving forwards are... not good. It’s not good for the arts right now and it’s gonna get worse. And that’s not even top priority, saving lives is obviously. I’m a non-essential luxury of a hegemonic oligarchical system and never is that more apparent than when the rich die off/stop funding).
What movies have you been watching recently? That Darn Cat, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (Oooof problematic and racist things I did NOT remember from my childhood but also, KIRK FUCKING DOUGLAS Lesbian Harpoon Sailor Icon!), Poirot movies, The Emperor’s New Groove, End Game (omg it was so bad ug), Star Wars ep 1 and ep 2 (MY BABIES! MY LOVES! THE BEST MOVIES OF MY LIFE I RELIVED FALLING IN LOVE WITH THEM!!!!! DO NOT SHIT ON THE PREQUELS IN MY PRESENCE!)
What are you doing for selfceare? Yoga, new skincare routine, water?, taking walks, bunny kisses, self-isolation away from my parents for at LEAST the late night hours lol, not opening my big mouth...
What shows are you watching? Westworld, all the old TV shows on my parents tv, Brooklyn 99, and I’m about to start that tiger king thingy that everyone’s talking about
What music have you been listening to? I’ve not been listening to much, but I just made a goal to get through some classical stuff, some Mozart, Wager, Beethoven type stuff (oddly I don’t really know much Mozart of Beethoven because my instrument isn’t in any of the major works so I’ve never had cause to listen to them and I am a lazy classical musician and usually can’t bring myself to care...) And a whole list of pop music on spotify I’ve compiled
What books are you reading? Trying to finish “Brief Interviews With Hideous Men” by DFW (it has taken me so long because the book equally ENRAGES and DELIGHTS me, no in-between), I have a whole slew of classics in the wings (I’m limited to what books I own obviously), but also am reading through PITS again now it’s printed out, and have like a LAUNDRY list of fics from all you lovelies I really wanna get to!
Anyone as starved for sharing things as me, please do this. Will also tag @evilovesyou @halfahundredcats @foreverkay @rahashirley @raisemybody @seasurfacefullofclouds1 @a-brighter-yellow @disgruntledkittenface @silverfoxlouis @sashinalash @metal-eye no pressure!
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covid diaries aka memoirs of the plague
trying to keep my thoughts organized and coherent has been a bitch recently, so i’m going to try to put them down more or less in order here and see where we end up. this is going to be heavy on personal covid content and might get long, so please skip if either distresses you.
so last tues, the uh... 24th i guess, i started feeling ill. mostly like allergies plus a bad headache. i had a feeling i was getting sick but didn’t want to alarm my spouse or housemate/best friend, so stuck with ‘could very well be allergies and dehydration.’ also it very well could have been, and it was very reassuring for us all to tell each other that. my company had already moved the majority of employees to work-from-home, including me, so i already wasn’t going to come into contact with anyone outside my home.
symptoms got worse over the next few days, congestion, headache, feeling feverish, cough started up. we didn’t own a thermometer, and my spouse and housemate tried every wal-mart, wal-greens, target, etc to find one. housemate said at one place they laughed at her when she asked if they had any. i tried ordering one on amazon with no luck. either they were $90+, out of stock, or not shipping until may. i settled on ordering on for shipment in may. the seller messaged me the next day and said they couldn’t fulfill the order and asked to cancel it.
from our last costco trip we had already (unintentionally) gotten stocked up on toilet paper, snacks, and some dry goods. at some point before I got sick, spouse and I bought a bag of rice and bag of potatoes, because I intermittently try to do mealprepping and seemed being stuck at home would be a good time to try again, what with national and state-wide states of emergency being declared. also seemed good to have them in supply. and we were still stocked up on cold and flu medecine from when i got bronchitis mid-dec to mid-jan. so we were/are pretty well-stocked on essentials? that was reassuring, as i was obviously, noticeably sick by last friday.
i was hoping i would get better over the weekend but i did not. still couldn’t find a thermometer anywhere. governor had issued the state-wide stay-at-home order on uh...thurs? weds? but already being sick, and already working from home, and not going out, it didn’t really affect me much?
i feel like i should mention at this point that since the state of emergency was declared and we started to transition to working from home, i’d been trying to ration my social media (tumblr/twitter/insta) time for my sanity. but also not having information makes me feel helpless, so i had the CDC covid page up and checked every day. and then the colorado state covid page too. seeing the numbers of confirmed cases double, and triple, from week to week was... hm.
also one of my younger siblings moved from colorado to arizona at the start of march, and presumably lost their phone because i haven’t heard from them since despite poking. that hasn’t been concerning during a global pandemic. not at all. they’re probably not dead. i mean, you’d think a bitch could call their older sibling to let them know they’re not dead, but whatever. i’m sure they’re fine. probably. anyway.
where was i. so by the weekend i was Not Feeling Well At All Actually. my cough had become “scary.” my housemate did all the dishes in the kitchen despite not being responsible for most of them. i felt, and sounded, disgusting.
i checked the covid testing requirements again, and basically found that in colorado you had to be dying to be tested for covid. cool.
monday rolled around, still not better. i ended up having work computer issues (their end, not mine) where i basically ended up laying on the couch in my office while IT did IT things. a blessing. i slogged through the rest of the day. just felt like i wasn’t tracking well, couldn’t focus on shit. that evening while watching shows with husbeast & housemate, i had a truly uncontrollable coughing spasm/fit that seemed to just go on. could barely talk without coughing. i coughed all night. i basically didn’t sleep.
tuesday morning i woke up, and started coughing again. i could hear a crackle echo up my throat when i breathed if i was in the right position. i sat up to try and get my breath. i think it was like 6 am. spouse creature (already awake from my coughing) gently rubbed my back. i started crying. i just wanted to sleep, and i couldn’t sleep, and i couldn’t stop coughing, and i felt like i could barely breathe, and things just hurt, and i couldn’t think straight. i felt so... defeated. i think it freaked out the spouse creature. i usually only cry during children’s movies.
i took the day off of work. i hadn’t taken a day yet because i was already working from home, and it was the end of the month which is the busiest for my team, and my boss had said last week that if i felt i could work, they needed me. by tuesday morning i was out of energy and also fucks. i got in the queue for a teladoc appointment. per the CDC and colorado covid websites, telehealth visits are to be the first option in order to help prevent the spread, etc. also i would have done teladoc anyway bc i don’t have a PCP.
it took a few hours to get connected with a doctor. i think i started coughing while he did his intro thing. he basically said, well i think i know what you’re calling about, but why don’t you tell me. i told him. and coughed some more. he said my symptoms are consistent with covid, and in a perfect world they’d be able to get me in for rapid testing, but they couldn’t. that basically people are only getting tested at this point who are getting admitted to the hospital. some people were able to access testing through their PCPs but even that was drying up. he advised me to self-isolate (already on it lol) and for my household to self-quarantine for at least two weeks from when i started showing symptoms. and i could un-self-isolate once the majority of my symptoms calmed down AND when i didn’t have a fever for three days straight with no meds. he prescribed me an inhaler and a cough suppressant pill, though he said the cough suppressant might not do much since it didn’t seem to be working for anyone else with similar.
husbeast had run out to get some more supplies by the time i got on the vidcall with the doc, mostly liquids and electrolytes. he went back out once i gave him the rundown, to fill my prescription and get me the good costco chicken soup once they were open. he also, miracle of miracles, managed to find and buy a temporal thermometer at costco for like $45 i think. a true champion. my temp seemed to be fine in the afternoon, a touch above normal but fine. i’m not actually sure what my personal base temperature is. i should also say that i’d been consistently taking dayquil and sudafed since the previous weds.
that evening my temp started to go up. and up. or at least i think it was tuesday night. maybe it was weds? freaked out spouse, i got up to 102 F even with sudafed and additional acetaminophen. i basically had a fever from tues through this morning (friday), while taking pills like clockwork. always seemed to get worse in the afternoon/evening and be better in the morning. today at least it’s stayed below 100F, even mostly below 99F.
the cough and difficulty breathing has been the worst part. i have delicate baby lungs to begin with, and i have allergies and a history of childhood asthma. so i’m already paranoid about my breathing even with a normal cold. but to hear that i would have to immediately proceed to emergency services should my symptoms progress to: can only get a few words out, can’t stand up or walk across the room, can’t maintain conciousness, to hear that was... something. because then it’s basically like, okay, if I get pneumonia and my lungs are filling up, then i can go see a doctor in person. cool. and i know it says on the websites that there’s no approved treatment for coronavirus, that treatment for less severe cases will be the same at home as it would be in person, but shit. i woke up so many times last night feeling like i was fighting for air, waking up because i was coughing so hard i had to sit up all the way to breathe, and i kept thinking, what if i just stop breathing in my sleep? not like i would notice, right?
it’s been scary. i’ve been trying not to freak out my people with more crying and whatnot, but i’ve already got anxiety and this shit aint helping. i’m trying to stay relatively calm and not make them deal with me losing my shit on top of already taking care of me and bringing me soup and water and pills and asking what they can do for me. i’m tired of being sick. i want a new pair of lungs. i want to not feel like i’ve been hit by a truck. my ribs hurt from coughing so much. my chest hurts. my whole body aches. the headache keeps coming and going. i can’t stop fucking coughing. i don’t want to die, i just want to maybe go into a coma and wake up when this is all over. once the line of dump trucks has stopped running me over.
and i’m just so mad at the lack of preparedness in the US. i’m so pissed that i can’t even get tested, i can’t know for sure what the fuck is happening to me. i’m so mad that the cheeto is president during this. i hate this fucking timeline. i hate that we don’t even have clear numbers on cases because of mismanagement. i hate that i keep feeling like i’m about to throw up because i’m coughing so fucking hard. real fucking reassuring to know that the symptoms i’ve been told to watch for, to know that i need to go to the hospital, are the same ones that constitute an emergency and would mean that i would basically have to be rushed there. wearing a facemask if we can find one.
ugh. the other worst part is that i haven’t even been really coherent enough to write. and i’ve only been able to settle on a few things to read and watch. being sick makes me picky and like, impossible to please. so i’m spoiled for choice with 4+ streaming services, but nothing sounds good. and my people are working from home, but they’re still working. they can’t spend all their time with me. i’m bored, and everything is garbage, and there are only so many times i can rewatch the princess bride. i have been napping quite a lot, but even that doesn’t take all day.
maybe i’ll write some crackfic. then it doesn’t have to be coherent. and it would be in the spirit of covid to write some real absurd shit i think.
anyway. i might delete this later. i feel better for getting events put down and venting. also i apologize, i have no idea how to do a readmore cut on tumblr anymore.
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Give me Wally from ORAS or give me death! (Pls?)
oh ive been replaying ORAS lately i soft reset for a shiny starter and got my treecko after like 30 resets. so ive been thinking about wally a lot LMFAO
general hcs: wally is gay and cis, he's autistic, and has a lot of issues w his breathing/lungs specifically (asthma, chronic bronchitis, very sensitive to pulmonary edema, severe allergies to basically anything that can irritate the throat, the poor bastard can't catch a break)
anyways the reason he's so sickly is because he was born premature. like, SUPER premature, as in he was born at like 28 - 30 weeks (about two months early!). then, just to add insult to injury, he was slapped with a ton of neonatal health complications that just kinda fucked his whole plate. luckily, baby wally made it past year one and after that the doctor's prognosis started looking a lot more positive :)
when the games take place wally is about 13-14 (actually a little under a year older than the protagonist, may!) - he's already just a tiny guy, though, and his growth is stunted on top of that so he's often pegged at around 10 - 11. i like to think that behind his shy personality he's actually a super talented, absolutely brilliant trainer, taking to raising new pokemon like a duck to water. in oras, little news reports you can get throughout the game always put him ahead of you even though you started your gym challenge long before he did!
he never manages to beat may but it doesn't matter because she eventually fucks off with lisia to become the contest power lesbian she was always destined to be. wally wins the championship from steven/wallace (whoever is at the helm at the time) and enters the hall of fame. after that, he decides to go home to his parents for a little while -- he'd barely seen them since they sent him to live with his extended family in verdanturf. things are good and calm for a little while. wally ends up training personally under norman, going out to see may in contests, and raising his pokemon (and maybe he starts to develop a bit of a crush on that assistant scientist from littleroot. may tells him that he's the professor's son...) but after a year or so he starts to go stir crazy and talks to his parents about letting him travel. he goes to sinnoh for a few years. wally's health soars in the gorgeous, clear climate, he learns even more about his team and starts studying evolution as a bit of a hobby, since he's in professor rowan's region, after all. when he returns to hoenn he's still small and shy but otherwise unrecognizable, having grown into a fine, confident young man. he realizes a passion for helping pokemon and new trainers, and works as a sort of coach. he also takes to distributing new starters to kids that want them, since it's not really birch's thing. b/c of this wally ends up working pretty closely with birch and maybe accidentally falls for brendan again... oops
in the future, wally becomes a member of the hoenn elite four. he's super passionate about raising pokemon and a very well-respected trainer. his gallade retires after a good couple decades fighting alongside wally and ends up living very comfortably, helping train wally's other pokemon (he is respected and feared as a battle legend among wally's other mons, lol). wally and brendan adopt a couple of little kids and live together very comfortably. overall his life isn't amazingly fantastical or adventurous, but he's happy and domestic and soft
#this got so long T.T tl;dr i just want wally to grow up confident and happy and comfortable#pkmn#ask#long post#headcanons
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First things first: wow you are allergic to literally fucking EVERYTHING. Good thing is that you're a pretty strong person. Best wishes to you. Next: maybe you can upload the image on imgur if you're fine with showing it to us? I am morbidly curious. Also: can you explain why steroids (aka that prednisone thing) help with pneumonia and itching? Never knew that steroids can be used to like, fix non-man parts or man related stuff. I'm medically illiterate 😅😅. Last: good luck for this semester💕!
Yep, I'm really allergy-prone. That's why when I get an allergic reaction to something, I don't want to immediately blame others. I'm not gonna sue them. An allergic reaction is a nuisance for a week or two but not worth the legal fees lol. It'll heal and I won't have lasting damage or "substantial harm" as lawyers say. If my surgeon cut one of the nerves in my wrist or nearly killed me during surgery -- that'd be a different situation lol. I will likely file a complaint though.
To give the full story and clarify since I only clarified in the comments of the last post, when my surgeon came in yesterday and asked how I'm doing, I said, "I was totally fine until I noticed I'm having an allergic reaction to something. I think maybe it's the tape."
He was like, "What tape? We didn't put any tape on you. You have an allergy to Steri-strips, don't you?"
And I said yes, and before I could say anything else, he was cutting me out of the cast and bandages and was pretty exasperated when he saw the tape. That's when he said, "Wow, you're really allergic. I'm so sorry" and explained that it should have never happened and that it should be in my chart that I'm allergic to Steri-strips so why would anyone put any medical adhesives on me?
And I wasn't sure if he did it and was just playing dumb or trying to mislead me, but he sounded genuine and genuinely pissed off and confused. I consulted my mom later and she confirmed that doctors typically don't do the dressings: nurses or physician assistants do. The doctor just puts the sutures in. And I didn't have any tape put on me after the first surgery -- he put Steri-strips on me only after I had my stitches taken out, and that was when I found out I was allergic to adhesives in the first place. So I find it hard to believe that he would just randomly decide to put tape on me directly after surgery this time, with my stitches still in, for the same exact procedure with the same kind of incision, especially since he brought up my Steri-strip allergy without even looking at my chart and without me bringing it up, so he obviously remembers.
When he gently tried to rip the tape off, part of my skin peeled off and I was ready to die. Kudos to my surgeon for being very calm and attempting to be reassuring about it. I was ready to burst into tears lol.
Once I feel better from all of this, I can think about filing a formal complaint with the hospital. I was asleep before everyone else even came in so idk who else was in the room besides my surgeon, the anesthesiologist and one RN (and I remember what she looked like). I just want to make sure no one else gets hurt in the future so at least my suffering isn't in vain. The person who did it should know they fucked up so they can be more careful with others -- that's all I want. I'm not out to get anyone.
So yeah, I had adhesive on me for 12 days and now I look like I have a bad second degree burn. I've been itchy since the first few days after surgery, but I figured it was just from the incision healing and that it was normal. NOPE, adhesive was eating my skin and giving me a chemical burn lol.
I don't mind posting a pic on imgur. Here's the link. http://imgur.com/a/vpQrQzT
This was after Benadryl and Prednisone so it actually looks a little better here believe it or not. The tiny red, blistery hives were the ones that were going up to as far as my shoulder. A word of warning that it might be a little upsetting and graphic. I didn't want people to have to see that on their dashboards. You can't even really see my incision -- the blister/sore covers most of the bottom part of it.
Prednisone is a steroid that's used to primarily treat inflammation, so you can use it to decrease inflammation in the lungs during an asthma exacerbation or pneumonia. It's also used in low doses to treat joint pain/arthritis. And, you can also use it for bad contact dermatitis.
Thanks for the well wishes! 😘
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April 13, 2020
Last week was hard. We got an email about austerity guidelines. No raises, no hiring. Which means, I’m assuming, that I won’t get reclassified or move to the other department (which also should have come with a raise). I’m at *minimum* $20,000 underpaid. Given the fact that I’m mostly doing the job of a guy currently getting paid twice my salary, I would argue I’m severely underpaid. But I don’t think it matters to them.
And again, I recognize we’re in a global pandemic, millions are losing jobs, and probably millions are losing businesses, and truly I’m grateful that I still have a job. And health insurance. But this was such a tough situation for so long, and I thought I finally was going to get what I deserved, or at least see light at the end of the tunnel. And really, this means my career is over. So to speak. I’ll be stuck for a minimum of 1 year, but depending on how long this goes on, 2 or 3 years, because now the competition for new jobs will be even more fierce than before.
Every time I think things in life are finally going to break my way, however pathetic the break is, they don’t. I don’t know, maybe it’s karma from a previous life. To be clear, I’m under the impression that karma doesn’t work in the current lifetime; it pays in the next lifetime. So I’m assuming I was a pretty shit person in the last life or 10 b/c I’m not great this time around but I’m not a bad person all considered.
And I’m frustrated because I can’t really talk to anyone about it, because they tell me I should be grateful to still have a job. I am! For god’s sake. But it’s the same for high school seniors, for others with new jobs and new businesses, for senior athletes in college, for all sorts of people around the world. Yes, in comparison, these are stupid things. But they’re not stupid. Life has changed irrevocably for some, and pretty significantly for many, damage that won’t be able to made up, or will take years. I feel for retirees who will have to get jobs, and soon-to-be-retirees that now will have to work for a minimum of 5 more years to get their retirement accounts back up. It’s okay to grieve, and we need to grieve. But I feel like a guilty shit who has no sympathy from others.
Anyway, and I’m restless from being stuck in side, and unable to take a walk. People don’t realize, I used to take almost daily walks, and when the weather clears definitely daily walks, for around an hour, many times longer. I think the runners and bikers understand to an extent, but I’m guessing they don’t really respect walkers.
And I planned on joining the gym again and getting ripped for sailing season. Ripped being a strong word lol. But my upper body strength leaves much to be desired. I don’t know how realistic the plan was, because inside my asthma has been kicking my ass for months. Last week, I went outside to get my alcohol delivery, and it was nice day and felt so good. I did a little light jogging out of, I don’t know, joy or something. And when I got back in, my lungs were like uh uh bitch. I don’t know how much of that was asthma and how much was just being out of shape from being inside so fucking long.
Not gonna lie, I’m suspicious of developing alcoholism. It’s not just being stuck inside with most activities being sit-on-your-ass related. It’s the constant anxiety and fear and worry. I genuinely believe we won’t just have a ton of coronababies, we’ll also end up with a lot of coronaholics - people who wouldn’t normally develop drinking problems, but did because of the situation. I don’t want to be one of them.
I’m also more afraid of going outside now because we can transmit the virus to cats. I have a plan of going outside around 4am. But my sleeping has been such shit lately, I haven’t been able to get enough rest. And of course, my cat is the best/worst alarm clock I’ve ever had. While she can wake me up anywhere between 5-7:30am, she seems to be coalescing around 6am these days. Although yesterday she let me sleep til 8am-ish. So no matter how long it takes to get to sleep (2 am the other day), I’m up at the crack of sanity. I don’t understand what her problem is, because it’s not like she hangs around for me to pet her or anything. It’s just crying and sometimes nudging until I’m up, and not freaking letting up until I’m too awake to fall back immediately. Where was she in high school and decades of college?
I finally filled out the census. I couldn’t put my Indigenous affiliation from Colombia, bc I’m still figuring it out. I really don’t think I can put Incan. For several reasons. But I was excited to put my North American tribal info. Even if it’s slightly dumb sounding. Although, technically speaking, we’re no longer a tribe. I still need to contact the other tribal group to find out *why* they split. It can’t possibly just be the land location. Or they wouldn’t have differentiated their names. Right?
I’m hoping this is a good week. I feel a little guilty about how little work I’m getting done. I’m not doing nothing, but I’m nowhere near as productive as I can be. Unlike all the other people working from home whose productivity increased significantly.
I finally contacted my old white guy friend. And thank God he’s taking the pandemic seriously and doing social distancing. I really thought I was going to have to tell him to not listen to the president and get into a fight and whatever. Of course, he was still a little racist, and of course I had to correct him. But that’s par for the course. It’s a little harder to convince people of what they need to do correctly in a pandemic if they’re following the wrong people and their mindsets aren’t open to facts and reason. I kind of wish he had a computer and internet but he’s one who would be easy pickings for the white supremacist conspiracy theories, so...mixed blessings.
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Thoughts at 150pm...
Health Updates!
Yesterday went... well-ish. Lots of lasers and needles and bright lights in my eyes... lots of burning drops and pounding headaches... but I got through it. Access fucked up and W couldn’t come with, which I am honestly ok with as she needed the day off to just rest/relax and have “w-time” which she doesn’t get much of.
I left at like 1pm, i think i got home after 8pm... it was a long day.
Next up: ANOTHER!!!!! MRI!!!! Yay. (not!)... another fluoroscopy angiography which means I’ll have a big time bruised hand and pee orange for days.... another spinal tap/lumbar puncture... and much more!
I have to meet with a new retinal specialist, 2 new Neuro Opthamologists they’re bringing in to consult, and on top of that, main doc confirmed I have a viral upper respiratory infection. I get the good codeine cough syrup with this one, lots more mucinex, breathing treatments every 4 hrs, and if my ox sat drops he’ll put me on oxygen but that’s not gonna happen, I don’t think.
I also have the back surgeon consult on the 8th, and a bunch of lab work to do, oh and I’m back on prednisone.. so.. yay for weight gain again!
----
On a related note, the biggest struggle for me is that I get really really bad at night - as anyone with asthma knows how that goes. Which means I need to sleep i the day, and sit up in my chair at night, and use my breathing treatments ... but... I don’t live alone anymore. I have someone else in my room who has needs that are just as important. She needs to rest, she has work in the morning, she matters too!
The problem is, she is a lovely, giving, caring woman who will poo-poo anything i say about this and immediately says “no, no it’s fine! it’s ok, I understand!” ... but at the same time, it’s not. It’s something we ALL have to work on, because we all bear other peoples burdens too much at our own expense... some of that is part of being in a relationship... but it’s a balance and it’s important that it is acknowledged.
I’ve been doing my best to keep quiet, to not disturb her, as well as laying down beside her in bed, propped up with a wedge and pillows and just listening to music all night because honestly, she sleeps better when I’m there. If I spend all night in my chair, she tosses and turns and doesn’t get any rest so it’s not helpful at all. If I lay beside her, I might wake her now and then getting up and down for meds, and coughing, and sneezing, and stuff... but the rest of the time she does rest well.
With mystic is was easier, he would just lay on my lap in my chair. lol I need a chair big enough for a W to do that!
My biggest issue is that I’m constantly short of breath... as much as the rumbling hurts, the sore throat hurts, the nose burns, and everything aches... as much as the lungs feel like their on fire, and my chest and back muscles ache.... even the simple act of standing up makes me feel super winded, light headed, and out of breath. I know that oxygen would help that, but it also leads to other issues that I don’t need right now. It’d also make me push myself harder and I need the help to listen to my body and not do fuck-all.
I have a big chicken soup made, W made some amazing matzo balls last night from mix and they came out so good, so... it’s all fine.
Now I just need to rest. :)
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Reddie - Eddie loses his inhaler and has an asthma attack and Richie comes to the rescue?? Comfort/fluff? I need more cavity-inducing fluff. (Sorry if this prompt has been done a thousand times - new to the fandom lol)
I was happy to do it, hon! It’s a bit cheesy and then there is not a lot of plot there but it’s fluffy and SOOO CUTE! I hope you like it!
That day has started in an awful way, with Eddie’s heart racing after a rather intense dream and anxiety tightening his chest, making the boy reach out for his inhaler. He then took a puff, and then another one, just for good measure. He felt incredibly unsafe, even in his own bed, and felt a strong urge to beg his mother to let him stay home from school. But he knew that this could only turn out bad or horrible, so he decided against that idea and dragged himself out of bed. He quickly got dressed into a big, grey hoodie (probably belonging to Mike, Eddie loved his clothes ‘cause they always smelled really fresh and were at least three sizes too big for him) and some shorts, given it was quite warm outside. He skipped breakfast and took off, leaving for school a little early.
His way there wasn’t the worst, warm sun shining into his face made the walk really pleasurable and calming even, so when he got to school his mood was a tiny little bit better. He even smiled at his lab partner on the corridor and helped the janitor with some heavy boxes. When he finally got to his locker it was still pretty early, so there were not a lot of people around. He sighed and scratched his head, turning around and taking in his surroundings while thinking about what he could possibly do with all the time he had. Eddie decided to just call Richie and see where he was, so he could move towards his boyfriend.
The little word, even unspoken, made Eddie smile like a maniac. He had started dating Richie some time ago, exactly 5 months earlier on his 17th birthday. Rich had gotten him a necklace, a tiny and delicate one, with “Eds” pendant on it and it had made him a tiny bit angry but mostly happy, like really happy. When he was thanking his friend for the gift, there was a thought that had crossed his mind “Kiss him”. So, he did and the rest, like they say, is history.
He could hear “Never gonna give you up” playing somewhere in the end of the hall and a silly grin tugged onto his lips yet again. It was Richie’s ringtone for Eddie.
“Oh Edwardooo!” The taller boy called out and emerged from behind a corner. Eddie giggled silently while shaking his head in disbelief and the anxiety that he felt in the morning seemed like a distant memory. He moved to get closer to his boyfriend and when they met halfway, he kissed Richie’s cheek.
“Hi!” He said in a quite cheerful tone. Richie smiled at him, his expression going soft, and the smaller boy’s head.
“Hello my lovely, couldn’t you wait for me longer, you eager…. wait, what can be eager?”
“You are so stupid, oh my god.”
It was about five minutes before the end of lunch hour when it all came back to Eddie. He was sitting on a bench outside of school, enjoying his salad with Beverly eating every other spoonful of it. It was nice and peaceful, with all his friends gathered together. Up until Stan suddenly stood up while looking at his watch.
“Well, I better get going, this bio test is going to start in few minutes and I need as much time as I can get,” he sighed while gathering his stuff, entirely missing the shocked expression that suddenly appeared on Eddie’s face.
“We have a bio test?” He asked in a small voice.
“Yeah, from chapters 11 to 20,” Stan answered his question, still unaware of the wires that started to link inside of Eddie’s head.
But, thank God, Richie was far more observant than Stan and he quickly picked up on Eddie’s fidgeting. It started with the widening of his eyes, then came the shaking of his hands and it all was summed up with-
“I forgot,” whispered by the boy, seemingly to nobody.
“Fuck,” Richie muttered and got to his boyfriend at the speed of light. He took his hands into his own and started rubbing them together, attempting to calm this boy down. He could see the wheels turning inside his head, how panic spread through his body- making in shake more and more, and finally cutting off the air source.
“Ca-n’t- ah! Br-e-athe!” Eddie choked out while desperately trying to get some air into his lungs. It wasn’t new for him, the panic attacks that his mother made him believe were asthma attacks. They happened from time to time on days that made the boy feel particularly anxious and unsafe. So, days like that one.
“Where’s your inhaler, hun?” Richie spoke in a calm voice, trying to make Eddie a little reassured that he knew what to do. The smaller boy’s eyes only widened even more, making Richie worry that his eyeball would fall out, and he shook his head. He had left it at home after taking a puff in the morning. “Bev, there is a spare one in my locker, can you get it?” Richie asked, not even considering the option to leave his boyfriend alone when he obviously needed him. Beverly only nodded, she knew his combination so she could easily open said locker. Mike run with her, just because he was the best athlete out of the group and he could come back faster.
“Okay, sweetcakes, you gotta calm down babe, ‘s all gonna be fine, just breathe, in and out, like me,” Richie murmured sweet nothings into Eddie’s ear while sitting the boy on his lap, circling his gangly arms around him and pressing him tightly to his chest. “I’m here Eddie, I’m not gonna let anything happen to ya, ‘s all good.”
Mike, as predicted, came running back with Beverly far behind him. He almost tossed the inhaler into Richie’s hands and then watched as the taller boy applied it to Eddie. The little boy took three big puffs and then his breathing calmed down a bit, making it possible for him to relax a bit. There was still some tension in his body but Richie was working on it.
“Thank you,” he murmured into his boyfriend’s ear and smiled tiredly. It was a really hard day and he only wanted for it to be over.
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