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random-mha-thoughts · 4 years

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Name (Todoroki x Reader)

Pairing: Todoroki x fem!Reader

Anon asked: “suggestion for Todoroki angst : he got in an arranged marriage with S/O because of his dad who offered a large amount of money to her family for this. Indeed it’s not what they are both looking for but Todoroki really acts cold, is sharp, openly criticizes her (a bit OOC ik) ... S/O is hurt but is still trying to be a good wife around the house to make the best of the situation and hide her insecurities. It’s just an idea, if it does not inspire you I hope you will find something better!! xx

Genre: Angst. Just...angst. I’m so sorry in advance plz don’t hate me

Warnings: Grab your tissues, this is a long roller coaster that’s only going downhill OH GOD I’M SO SORRY

Word count: 3,059

Tags: @yuki-osaki @liviitehe @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog

a/n: (Submission 1/3 for my post asking for todo angst ideas! Thanks for the ask anon!)

Um. This is...depressing. Really depressing and really intense. I didn’t expect it would turn out this way. But it did. I had 2 other endings, but I instinctively wrote this one. I actually had to stop and cry for a few minutes because it was just really painful I mean, I know I said I was ready to but I didn’t actually mEAn it

I tried a different style for this, but I think it suits the story well. It’s 3rd person limited because I wanted you to experience everyone’s feelings in this (gotta maximize on the angst yknow) and half past tense bc of reasons you’ll find out.

God I’m afraid to post this. Is it bad that I love it, I honestly spent so much time writing this, but it hurts sO mUch?? Y’all are gonna hate me, you’re gonna kill me, oh no, just read the thing already, I’m hiding.

Buy me a coffee?

Shoto didn't know how to react to the news. It's not that he had his eye on anyone in particular, or that he was even interested in marriage for that matter. But because he proposed it, the man who had spent his entire childhood controlling every aspect of his life, he refused to accept any other intrusions from the man he should call "father."

The strange man across from his father spoke those words so casually. "So Endeavor, when are these two tying the knot?"

At first, he thought he had misheard or misunderstood. And then his father responded just as casually, "The date is set for next month."

The normally calm and collected boy almost burst the entire room into flames. He clenched the silverware so hard his knuckles turned white and his teeth ground together, but he couldn't say anything in front of his father's guest and his daughter for fear of shaming himself. The girl across from him offered a sympathetic look, but he turned away, already preparing the earful he's going to give his father.

"I want nothing to do with this!" he whirled on Endeavor as soon as they were home. "You've made my life a living hell controlling every single thing! And now you even want to control my marriage?!"

"I'm doing this for you!" Endeavor bellowed right back. "For the Todoroki name! For your future!"

"This is all for you! I want no part-!"

"If you don't agree, you'll never see your mother or the siblings again."

The calm threat was enough to drench Shoto's wrath into submissive fear. The flaming monster in front of him proved once again that he hasn't an ounce of sympathy for his blood. He's learned that family is the only thing keeping his son under his thumb and he still actively exploits that weakness.

All the boy can do is swallow and walk away, retreating to the outside world to escape his bitter reality even temporarily. Shoto doesn't have outbursts often, but there are times when the straw finally breaks the camel's back, and this is one of them. All he can do is run until he can't run anymore, reaching somewhere secluded enough where he can burst out in flames and ice without hurting anyone, finally getting to a forest where he can do exactly that and scream to his heart's content. It's the only thing he can do that is under his own control.

In the month that followed up to the wedding, Shoto barely spoke a word to anyone, choosing to isolate himself. He only came out when he absolutely had to show his face at functions to the bride's family and look presentable. His mind was always absent, the time flying in a blur of colors and white. Thankfully, his father did the preparations, so all he had to do was go along with everything. Shoto was simply playing a role in a play or movie, he was an actor who deserved an award for being in character for a month.

The night of the wedding, he and his newly-wedded wife were whisked away to their new home, being alone for the first time together. He didn't even know what she looked like nor did he care. As soon as they walked through the door of their already-furnished house, he released a heavy breath, brushed past her, unbuttoned his tuxedo, and - cold as his ice quirk - instructed, "I'm going to bed. Don't come up tonight." It was the first time he had ever spoken directly to her.

His wife, through this entire ordeal, was patient with him. She didn't want this arrangement either, but she figured they could at least talk and come to a mutual agreement. The entire month, she never pushed him to speak to her. She anticipated that he would be rational about this, as she was told by her family, and that they would be able to talk things over when they were finally alone. Just as she was going to speak her mind the way she had rehearsed it many times, he dismissed her. She was hurt, but she understood. He's exhausted after a whole month of stress and preparations, she rationalized, He just wants to rest. I wouldn't want to talk to a stranger after all that either.

Resolving to try again tomorrow morning, she undressed (with great difficulty), crept into the master bedroom for her clothes while Shoto showers, retrieved her pajamas quietly, and retreated back to the living room. The girl searched all the closets for a thick enough blanket and settles down to sleep on a couch, the exhaustion putting her right to sleep.

The next morning, the new Mrs. Todoroki woke up bright and early to make breakfast for her husband as an olive branch. She toiled away in the kitchen, somewhat making a racket even though she wanted to stay quiet so Shoto can sleep. Just as she finished setting the table and had to face the question of how to wake him, the boy padded down from the room.

"Oh, morning!" she smiled brightly at him.

He murmured a greeting back only to be polite, his face devoid of any real emotions other than coldness. He sat as far away from her a possible, thanking her for the meal halfheartedly and digging in without another word.

After waiting a few moments to let him satisfy his hunger, she cleared her throat. "So, um-"

"Your tamagoyaki needs more soy sauce and butter," he stated bluntly.

She blinked at the harsh comment. It was shocking he said anything to her at all, and the first thing he said was an insult.

"And the miso has no flavor," he continued in the same tone.

The girl finally gathered her wits. "I'll do better tomorrow. Thanks for the feedback, I guess?" she laughed nervously, trying to erase the immense tension Shoto bled into the atmosphere. When he didn't respond, she tried again. "I know this isn't something either of us wanted, but that doesn't mean we have to live here like enemies. We could be friends, or even just roommates!"

"I'd rather be strangers," he interjected harshly.

It felt like a stab in the heart. Here she was, trying to make their lives somewhat bearable together through their common misfortune, and all he wanted to do was live like ghosts in the same house.

Shoto placed his chopsticks down firmly, glaring her straight in the eyes with the iciest hatred she's ever seen. "Just to be clear, I want no part of you. You live your life and I live mine. You can have the bedroom to sleep at night if you want, but it's mine when I come home to shower and prepare for bed. We will not sleep, talk, or breathe near each other as long as we are in this house."

She dipped her head in defeat, unable to bear the weight of his stare. "C-Can we at least have our meals together?" she asked feebly.

It's something he respected, coming from family values no matter how broken. It's the only exception he made to their less-than relationship.

Months passed and she kept her end of the bargain through a suffocating routine. At first, the girl was kind, trying to get him to open up to her somehow without overstepping her boundaries. She made excuses for him constantly. He's just tired. The least I can do is leave him alone. I can't comfort him anyway, I'm a stranger. He's still upset about the whole thing, he'll come around. She even begged her boss to let her leave a little early every day to make sure she had ample amount of time to get home, shower, and prepare dinner before Shoto returned. When he did, he wordlessly showered, sat down to dinner, nitpicked at her cooking, finished eating, and went to sleep on the living room couch, all without even sparing her a glance.

But as every day passed, she grew more weary and worn in her efforts to please him. She tried to fix every little complaint Shoto had about her cooking or the cleanliness of the house or the laundry, but nothing seemed to satisfy him. She tried to hold onto the silver lining. At least he never touched me wrong or took advantage of me, she would think bitterly. He has the decency not to take his anger out on me.

Then the dark thoughts closed in as he continued ignoring her. Surely, Shoto's only disgusted with his father, he doesn't harbor hatred for her personally. Then she would remember the hate and disgust in his mismatched eyes the first day of their marriage. She realized no matter how desperately she tried, he wouldn't show her any signs of warmth or appreciation. No more did she try to make conversation with him during meals or greet him when he came home. There were days she thought, Why should I even try? He wouldn't like it either way. What's the point of getting up today? Maybe he'll even criticize how I sleep. But she still rose out of bed every morning and carried out her routine because it could always be worse.

A sliver of hope came in the form of Shoto's birthday. The girl figured if she did something just a little special, he would acknowledge her even the tiniest bit. She spent days beforehand researching and testing out the perfect cold soba recipe because she knew it was his favorite. She lit some candles on the table and bought a small cake for them to share.

When he came home, she was sure he would notice and say something, but he didn't; he went straight up to the bathroom as he usually did without a word. Though she felt the glimmer lessen in her heart, she didn't give up. For the first time in a while, she verbalized her thoughts to him.

"I made your favorite for your birthday!" she chirped as he sat down, setting the plate and a cup of dipping sauce in front of him. She was so eager for him to try it because she was confident she'd gotten it right this time. If she were a dog, her tail would've wagged in anticipation as he slurped the noodles into his mouth. She waited patiently for his feedback, leaning forward in excitement as he swallowed.

"The noodles are slightly overcooked. And the dipping sauce is too strong, you didn't add enough water."

Her hopes came crashing to a halt. She couldn't even muster anything else to say as he hastily finished his dinner and rose to leave.

She stood up, heart hammering in her chest. "What about the cake?" Anything, something!

"I don't want it." He turned his back to her.

"I got it for you!" It was the first time she explicitly stated her intentions, the first time she made herself vulnerable.

"You shouldn't have gotten it at all. It was a waste of time. Why did you even try?" The calm and cold words stung her as he got up and left her in the dining room alone.

His words echoed against the empty walls of the dining room. She looked down at the cake he disregarded, feeling cold and dizzy. She took a shaky breath in and out before resting her head on the cold glass table to stabilize herself. The voice stabs through her even as she closed her eyes to block them out.

It was then she felt bluntly in her mind. He hates me.

The girl feels nothing but numbing cold, both on her face and inside. Rolling up to sit, her neck and back cry out in soreness from sleeping on the table, pale light greeting her from the nearby window. Her face feels strange, and she trudges to the bathroom mirror to check why. She knows she should be preparing for work, but what's the point? Her reflection reveals lines across her cheek, probably from sleeping on the edge of the table. She shuffles to the kitchen because she should probably start breakfast, but why should she? Leaning against the counter, she can't bring herself to move anywhere. Her brain buffers as she tries to force herself to think of what to do now. She doesn't feel sick, but there's a dull, cool feeling in her limbs that she can't face.

The phone rings, catching her off guard. Glancing at the number, she doesn't hesitate to answer. "Hello?"

"Hi, baby. It's me."

Her eyebrows relax, appreciating the sound of a familiar voice. "Hey, Mom. What's up?" She knows her voice sounds weak, she's hoping the woman can't hear it.

"I'm just checking in, you haven't called in a while. Is something up? You don't sound good."

"I'm...fine," she stumbles over the word. "How's dad?"

"He's doing well. You sure you're not sick, sweetie?"

"I'm not." She leans her back on the counter.

"Is Shoto there? How is he?"

And just like that, she feels something dislodge in her throat. "He's going to work, he probably left early." She doesn't know, there hasn't been any rustling in the house.

Her mom is silent for a while. "Tell me the truth. What happened?"

The sound of her mother's stern voice moves something in her chest. "It's nothing, I just made a mistake."

"Doing what?"

"I tried making Shoto's favorite dish for his birthday yesterday. I put so much time and energy into perfecting it for him to enjoy it, but I fell short again." She laughs bitterly, tears starting to fill her eyes. "He didn't even want the cake I got for him, he said it was a waste. I shouldn't have bothered with it." She blinks and a tear slides down her face. "I don't know why I was expecting something different to happen, I'm so stupid."

"Honey, where is this coming from? What's going on?"

She wipes her face, but more spill out of her eyes as she slides down the cabinet onto the cold floor. "It's just a little frustrating when you're sharing a house with someone you're married to and they barely acknowledge you. I mean, I expected there to be problems at first given the circumstances, but I didn't expect this." Her voice shakes with every word. "God, what did I do to deserve this? I've lived in this house for 5 months, and never has he even said 'thank you' to me. Hasn't breathed a word of appreciation to me. I do so much for him. I've bent over backwards for him just to make everything done the way he wants it, I've worked my entire routine, my entire life in this house to cater to him, but all he does is complain!" She sobs into the phone, curling up into a ball as tremors wrack through her body. "I'm just so tired. I don't know how much more I can take. I've made so many excuses for him, but I just can't do anything right. Why am I even still here?"

Her mother is silent on the other line. "My baby, if I knew this would happen, I wouldn't have allowed this marriage. I can't believe you're going through this."

The girl can't formulate words or think anything coherent. She drops the phone out of her hand, wrapping her legs to her chest as the tremors continue in waves, muffled whimpers the only thing escaping her lips because she's afraid to cry out loud despite being in an empty, lonely house.

Shoto heard something he probably shouldn't have, but he definitely needed to hear. It bothered him for the rest of the day. It was a sobering slap in the face that made him feel shame and regret, a hard-to-swallow pill that sat in his stomach the entire day.

On his way back home, the sound of her sobs echoes in his mind. He curses his behavior from the past few months. At the very least, he made a lady cry, and at the most, he's been a complete asshole. It's all his fault, that is something he's completely aware of and is ready to take full responsibility for. All this time, he was stupidly neglecting her out of spite for his father, but he broke her in the process. He's angry that he had to hear her crying to realize that. The only thing he can do now is hurry home to profusely apologize for what he's done and hope they can start over new and she forgives him, which he's prepared for her not to do.

Honestly, he deserves all the hate from her that he's shown her. After everything she's done for him and all the effort she's put into their imbalanced relationship, he wouldn't be surprised if she yelled at him and called him all sorts of names.

Shoto walks through the door, the atmosphere different. The house is quiet as usual, but it's more eerie than he remembers, as if that means anything with how aloof he was. He slips into the bedroom and changes quickly, returning back to the quiet dining room where his dinner waits for him at his place.

He tentatively sits and spares a quick glance at the girl who's supposed to be his wife. Her eyes are still puffy and she's tugging at her sleeves. It seems she's avoiding him and he was avoiding her before. He questions how things should start. When is the right time to speak his piece. Would she listen to him now? He decides to take a bite first and chews slowly. I guess a 'thank you' is a good place to start-

"We're getting a divorce."

He stops suddenly, almost choking.

"You don't owe me anything, and I don't want anything from you." She isn't looking at him, voice calm and collected. "Besides, it's better this way since it's what you wanted." She rises from her seat smoothly. "I've already packed for the next few nights. I'll have some workers come in the following weeks to clear out the rest, and the papers will be delivered promptly." Her footsteps recede from the room.

Shoto turns around to call out to her, and his minds comes up blank.

He never even bothered to remember her name.

Sequel?

Sequel!

#todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #todoroki angst #todoroki imagine #todoroki scenario #female reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction

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coppoladelrey · 4 years

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I Know What’s Best - Part 1

A/N: This is my first attempt of writing Dark!Steve, tell me what you think about it, I love feedback. :)

Summary: Being the only daughter of wealthy politicians, your life reeks of privilege. You would do anything to make your parents happy, and then you meet Captain America, how much is your life gonna change?

Dark!Steve Rogers x Innocent!Reader

Warnings: Extreme manipulation, stalking, dub con (non con) in next chapters.

Tags: @lostinthoughtsandfeelings.

I Know What’s Best Masterlist.

Main Masterlist.

This is your second year of college in NYU, you want to become a lawyer just like your parents, your whole you wanted to make them proud, and you have. Your parents are politicians, successful ones too, your mother was one of politicians that installed The Reproductive Health Act, she is an avid pro-choice woman, and your father is running for mayor of New York, and the polls are saying that he has great chance of winning. One of his biggest supporters is your brother, Ian. He is thirty-six years old and his lovely wife is seven months pregnant with their first son, and you couldn’t be happier for them and to be an aunt.

Your parents insisted that you didn't have a room in NYU, since they live so close to the university, and you agreed, it didn't make sense to spend money on a room when you were blessed enough to have your parents to guide you in this turbulent time that was college, your grades were near perfection, your relationship with your family was great, your sister-in-law, Kaia was a great friend to you, her parents moved from Norway when she was still a baby. You’ve been in her home country a few times, it was gorgeous, especially in the winter.

To be completely honest, you were quite introverted, you didn't had many friends since boarding school, you knew a few people in your classes, but you never interacted with them outside of classes, sometimes you felt lonely, but Kaia was always inviting you to buy things for the baby, so you weren’t as lonely, Kaia was your best friend, you told her everything. One boy in your class asked you on a date, but after discussing with Kaia, you refused. You were sad because of that, but Kaia said that he might be one of those frat boys that just wanted to take advantage of your sweet nature, that made you feel better, after all, your family always knows what’s best for you.

You never had a boyfriend before, your parents always encouraged you to find a nice boy from a good family, but honestly, you never felt so strongly about a boy to the point of open yourself up to someone that wasn’t your family, it felt wrong in your eyes. It always has been difficult for you to have friends, especially having a romantic relationship. Kaia was Ian’s first and only girlfriend, he met her in high school, you were just a child the first time you met Kaia.

Now it was summer, you were on a break from college. You were going with your parents to a lot of galas, meeting new people, other politicians that work with your mother and possible allies for your father’s campaign. It was mostly older men and women, no one even close to your age, the youngest ones were around Ian’s age. To be fair you didn't want to go to those tedious events, but your parents needed you, and your support, and you would do anything for them.

You and your parents were in the limousine, Ian and Kaia had to leave earlier because she wasn’t feeling very well. You were tired, the light pink dress that your mother choose for you was making you a bit uncomfortable, and being in high heels for hours, didn't help your situation.

“It was a great event, I was able to get many supporters for my campaign. Did you enjoyed yourself, Y/N?” Your father cut the silence, he was now taking off his bow tie, your father had a real distaste for them.

“It was a great event, as you said. The food was incredible, father” Truth was that you hated those events, the galas, the dinners, and the people as well. But you did it for your family, they needed you, and you would rather die than disappoint them first.

“Tomorrow we don’t have any event to attend to, what do you think about you, me and Kaia to go out to buy some clothes for you, Martha reminded me that your clothes are getting quite old, we can pick new ones for you.” Your mother took a strand of your hair and put behind your ear, she was smiling sweetly at you.

“Yes, that’d be incredible, Mother.” You smiled back at her.

“It would be a perfect way for you ladies to spend the day, me and Ian have many things to discuss tomorrow.” Your father smiled and gave his credit card to your mother, and she gently put it in her tiny purse.

“I almost forgot to give your medicine, dear.” Your handed a small piece of cloth and a bottle of water that was on the limousine compartment, you have a very rare and genetic disease, your body doesn’t produce certain hormones, so you have to take the supplements that have those hormones that your body doesn’t produce, but other than that, you are completely healthy.

“Thank you, mother.” Another reason why your parents insisted of having you at home while you go to college, you often forget to take your pills, so your mother zealously reminds you, and she makes sure that you take it every single day at the same time, she even keeps the bottle in your parents’ room.

“Of course, dear.” Your mother kissed your forehead, you don’t remember much of the ride back home since sleep came with full force.

************************

You woke up with the sun hitting your face, you looked at the watch and it was 7:30 AM, you looked at your body and you had your pj’s on, your mother must’ve changed you when you fell asleep. You remembered that you would spend the whole day with Kaia and your mother, you came down from your bedroom and went to the kitchen. The house was silent, your parents were still probably asleep, you liked the early mornings, it was always quite peaceful. The smell of pancakes hit your senses when you were on the stairs, you smiled to yourself, Pierre was already making breakfast. You entered the kitchen and it was, the small and happy frenchman, preparing breakfast for your family.

“Good morning, Pierre.” The chef turned around and gave you a smile, the man was on his forties, and cooking was his greatest passion.

“Miss Y/N, breakfast will be ready in fifteen minutes, why don’t you sit and wait for it?” He gestured at the table.

“Thank you, but I’ll take a shower first.” You went back to your bedroom, you took a cold shower since it was already starting to get hot, you put on a summer dress that your mother bought for you, it was a light shade of yellow. You thought that the dress was lovely, and so did your mother.

You started reading one of the books that it was required for you to read for one of your classes, you looked at the watch again and twenty minutes has passed, you went back to the kitchen, your father was already sitting down, reading the news on his iPad. You went to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Good morning, father. How did you sleep?” You sat down on the left side of the table, you put the napkin on your lap, and one of the maids was bringing all the things for breakfast.

“Very well, Ian and Kaia will be here in a few minutes. And your mother is getting ready to out with you and Kaia, I’m sure you’re gonna have a lot of fun together.” He smiled and you smiled back, you wished that you could spend as much time with your father as Ian does, you love your mother, but most of the times, you miss spending more time with him. You heard the elevator open and Ian and a heavily pregnant Kaia came through the doors.

“Hello, father, sister.” Ian gave you a kiss on the cheek, and helped Kaia sit down next to you on the table, she sat down next to you.

The breakfast was delicious, the conversation was nice, Ian and your father were discussing things about his campaign. Kaia was asking you what things you wanted to buy, and she told you that the baby was kicking her a lot, everything was ready for the baby to come, the only thing that Kaia and Ian haven’t figured it out yet, was his name. He was going to be born in the same hospital that you and Ian were born.

“You’re still having difficulties to find a name, Ian?” Your mother asked, and Ian signed.

“Yes, we are trying. But there’s not a good name that caught our attention yet, we still have a few weeks.” Ian laughed, and looked at Kaia, who was laughing as well.

“Well, we must go now because is gonna get late.” Your mother looked at her watch and you and Kaia agreed, leaving your father and Ian. Your mother kissed your father and Kaia kissed your brother.

*********************************

After shopping for most of the day, your mother suggested that you stopped to have a late lunch. After all of you were satisfied with the restaurant, you entered, despite the time, it was quite busy. The hostess took you to a table in front of the window, the view was really nice.

“May I be excused? I need to use the restroom.” Both Kaia and your mother nodded, and quickly went back to their conversation.

You entered the bathroom, not realizing that you were being watched. After you finished peeing, you left the stall, only to be scared by a man looking at you, curiously.

“I didn't mean to scare you.” He declared, after seeing you jump.

“It’s quite alright, but this is the ladies restroom, sir.” The man took a hard deep breath, you had no idea the effect that calling him ‘sir’ had on the man.

“I know, I was after you, I saw you entering the restaurant, you are a gorgeous woman.” He came even closer to you, he was towering over your frame, you quickly looked at his deep blue eyes, but their intensity made you look away, he seemed familiar, but you couldn’t quite place it from where.

“Do we know each other, sir?” He put his hand on your chin, and made you look at him.

“No, but we will, doll.” He placed his nose on your neck and took a deep breath, your lips parted, no one has ever done that to you before, but you couldn’t deny the tingles all over your body. “You will be mine, Y/N.” He whispered in your ear, with a low voice, goosebumps erupted all over your skin.

And the blonde and strange man left you in the restroom, what could he possibly mean with being his? You laughed, maybe he was just being silly, maybe he knows Ian and decided to pull a prank on his little sister, you decided. Maybe that’s the reason he looks so familiar, you went back to the table, after washing your hands, but you couldn’t see the man anywhere. It was definitely a prank, you laughed to yourself.

#dark!steve rogers #dark!steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #dark!steve #marvel imagine #steve x reader #dark!steve rogers x innocent!reader #innocent!reader

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soldierwinterthe · 4 years

Text

Inconsistencies

Pairing: Derek Hale x Reader

Warning: angst

Feedback is always appreciated.

“I've been looking for you.”

“For how long?”

“All day.”

Oh man... but he's serious?

"It's not disturbing at all." I whisper almost to myself. Probably Derek heard me, I can understand by his sharp look, pointing straight at me.

"Can you repeat?" Derek asks me, taking a few steps towards me. With his air of macabre and creepy, he would dwarf even the most predatory animal that I know – and it's not the wolf.

Too bad that – in spite of his accusing eyes make my legs completely gelatinous – I can't keep my mouth closed, and I repeat to him my thoughts about his... constantly follow Scott all day.

"I said, it seems, to me, slightly disturbing that you follow Scott, all day. EVERY. His. Step."

Scott, who until a moment ago was between me and Derek, now backs away.

Give the Alpha the chance to hunt its prey more easily. Perfect.

"I followed him because he's in danger, and I try to protect him."

"I also do what I can to keep safe my friend, but I remain by his side, not like you who follow him in the shadows, in secret. It's creepy."

"You defend Scott. You're just a human, and you can't even protect yourself. In fact, I wonder what you're doing here, exactly."

Derek's words cut me deep into my bones, but he's not wrong. Not only I'm completely human, but I'm also the smallest of them all.

Smaller even than Stiles and Scott.

I found myself in this situation just because my sister is Lydia, and Stiles is in love with her like... always.

I remember the first time he came to me, to ask me for advice on how to conquer my sister.

The next day they had already entangled me in their stories of werewolves, and monsters of various kinds.

And look where I'm finished.

Even my sister ended up being a supernatural creature – I never remember the name – and me? Anything.

Sometimes, I envy the fact of not having any kind of power with which to defend myself, not yet at least.

My sister – and also Stiles – are convinced that I will become like my sister. I don't hope so much.

"I stay with Scott, while you are on the sidelines! I'm the only one here, with him. At least if something happens, I will already be around while we wait for you to show."

If he can cut Derek with his words, then I can do it too; probably, his reaction will be a little different from mine.

In fact, Derek jumps literally towards me, but something blocks him instantly: a knife, the blade pointed at his throat, almost touching it.

"Stay still, wolf." I say, with all the voice left to me. Was he... was he going to attack me? He really would have done it.

Derek looks me in the eye, and he knows. He knows exactly what I'm afraid of; his gaze scares me, like... an animal ready to tear me.

"Careful with that knife. You're trembling like a leaf."

Again, Derek is right.

We should all get along, especially in a dangerous situation like this. And instead we do nothing but fight. Derek does nothing but fight with me.

I feel... humiliated.

I lower the knife, and with it still in my hand, I leave the room, and from Scott's house, not before hearing him speak.

"Derek, you're officially an idiot."

I go into my room, and I still hold the knife as hard as I can.

When I realize that my knuckles have now become white, I let the weapon fall to the ground.

Derek was the first... 'supernatural' person I met, even before Scott. Stiles had warned me that Derek was a little grumpy, but I tried in any way to be kind.

He hasn't made my life easy at all.

Why he must be so... asshole? Especially with me! Why he hates me so much?

The knife is on the floor, and I, too, sitting, my legs pressed tight against my chest.

I look like a child, while I cry for something that really has no value, because it is so, is not it?

I shouldn't be so angry, after all Derek is nobody for me.

A nobody who... was about to hit me.

Because yes, his claws couldn't be seen, but his eyes shone, red and full of rage.

The evening goes quiet, no one calls me, and no one looks for me.

During the night, when I feel the cold even in my bones, I get up from the floor and decide to go to the bedroom; at least I will sleep under the covers, in the heat.

As I walk through the corridor, I see something that makes my blood freeze.

A shadow, just in front of me, a few meters away separates us.

I know it's nobody I know, it's too high to be someone in my family, or Scott. Or even Derek.

I stay still for a few seconds, thinking about what I have to do. I'm alone, and what's more, I realize that the knife remained on the floor in the kitchen.

Looking at the shadow one last time, I turn around to run away, but it's useless. The stranger is already in front of me, his bright eyes staring at me.

They are red.

"Who are you?" I ask, remaining stuck in place.

The stranger – who I can understand, is a man, comes closer to me.

"What do you want?" I ask again, but the man doesn't seem to have the slightest intention of responding.

"Please don't bite me."

I implore him, literally, not to do it; the man holds my arm and tries to drag me out of the house with him.

I rebel, screaming, but nobody hears me. I still ask him what he wants to do with me.

"I don't want to bite you. I want you to scream for me."

All right, what the man told me – before giving me a shot and fainting – left me speechless.

What did he mean, saying he wanted me to scream? Maybe... Lydia.

Now I remember! My sister's "power" has to do with screams. She does it when someone is about to die, or when someone is dead.

The man thinks I'm Lydia.

I suddenly breathe a sigh of relief; at least my sister is safe, even if I'm locked up here, in a... I don't know what place it is.

It looks like a kind of cage, hidden in a cave.

Some steps approach me, and I see the unknown man in front of me; he enters the cage, approaching me.

"The moment has almost arrived. In a few minutes there will be a full moon, and you will have to scream louder than ever."

Even if his words frighten me, I begin to laugh. He needs my sister, and the full moon. When he realizes that he has kidnapped the wrong person, it will be too late.

"Why so happy, my dear?" he asks me, approaching me.

"I'm laughing because you got the wrong girl. I am not a banshee." I say, suddenly reminding myself the name of the creature who is my sister.

"But I don't need a banshee." he tells me, making my smile disappear, "I need someone who has never screamed, and who is not a banshee. Yet."

The few hopes I had on the fact that the stranger couldn't win, have now disappeared.

As a last attempt, I try to escape, but the man can easily catch me, while he says things nonsense.

"I can't become a banshee. I have no idea how I can do it!"

"I know exactly how to do it."

The man shift, his eyes makes me tremble with fear. His claws touch my arms, climbing up to my neck.

I'm shivering.

And suddenly, I feel an incredible pain behind the head, at the base of my neck; the claws are in my skin, and I feel only pain.

I begin to see clouded, in front of me, and the only thing I would like to do right now is... scream.

And I scream, with all the breath I have. One, two, three times. It's not a normal sound that comes out of my lips, but I can't stop.

Then, I start to feel tired, as if I had run for hundreds of kilometers, on a mountain.

I fall to the ground, exhausted.

"Y/n, wake up. You're safe now."

I open my eyes, I'm in the hospital, I immediately understand it from the completely white room. On my side, I see Lydia, sitting on the bed, near me.

"Lydia? What happened?" I ask, worried; after fainting in the cage, I don't remember anything else. Surely because I never woke up since then.

"You're safe Y/n. Only a few broken ribs and... well, the wound behind the neck."

"How long have I slept?"

"Four days."

I sigh. I thought it spent less time; I feel normal.

Have I really changed? I am... a banshee now?

I try to get up a little from the bed, to get more comfortable. when I see Derek, sitting in a chair in the corner of the room; his eyes are closed, he's sleeping.

"What is he doing here?" I ask my sister. I'm still angry with the Alpha, and honestly, it's the last person I'd expected to see here.

"He hasn't moved from here since he found you."

I roll my eyes.

"Did Derek Hale save me? Alleluia."

"Scott told me what happened between you and him. You know he didn't want to hurt you, did he?"

"Honestly, I don't think so. I'm still convinced he would do it."

While I talk to Lydia, I yawn a couple of times. Actually, I'm not sleepy, but I can't help it.

"Rest now. We'll have plenty of time to talk."

After that, Lydia leaves the room.

I close my eyes for a few minutes, but Derek's presence doesn't make me feel calm.

How did he find me? I wonder why he saved me.

Anyway, I can't stay still one minute longer; I need to go to the toilet.

I get up, but with a lot of difficulty. Standing up I can stay, but the ribs hurt me a lot. I fall to the ground, throwing a scream that makes Derek wake up.

Fantastic, good for the better.

"Y/n! Are you okay, did you hurt yourself?"

Derek tries to get close to me, but I stop him right away, raising a hand.

"Don't. Get close."

"Y/n, you can't even walk. I just want to help you."

"I don't need your help, in fact, I don't want your help. I want you to leave now."

It seems I struck deep inside; Derek sighs, almost surrendered to the idea that I don't want him near me.

He feels guilty.

Who cares.

Derek takes a few steps back, while I try to get up. At first it almost seems like I'm going to do it, but then the pain in my abdomen becomes too strong, and I find myself falling back.

Derek's hands rest on my hips, squeezing me; surprisingly, he and his movements are more delicate than ever.

"Hate me as much as you want, but I do not stand on the sidelines while you torture yourself."

I hate it; I hate Derek, and I hate the fact that he's always right.

"May I know why you got out of bed?"

I give up; whatever I say, he will never give up, and I must bitterly admit that without him, I will not be able to take a step.

"I have to pee. Happy?"

After Derek stares at me for a long time I do not know how much, he helps me get up, and we head to the bathroom.

"If you need, call me." He says, although I know he is visibly embarrassed.

"Let's hope not." I reply. Indeed, if I needed his help, I would not even call him in a million years. It would be ...too embarrassing.

Fortunately, I can get out of the bathroom unharmed; as he had said – and I had expected – Derek is standing outside the door, with his arms crossed against his chest. It looks like a bodyguard in front of a private room entrance.

"Are you okay?"

This... approaching, and sudden obsession with knowing if I'm fine, is worse than when he followed Scott all day.

"I'm fine Derek. I believe you can even go away now."

"I will not leave you alone."

I get back to bed, but I'm so bored by his presence that I almost get angry.

"What the hell! What is this obsession for me, all of a sudden? And to think that a few days ago..."

I don't finish the sentence, because I see Derek in front of me that stiffens.

He looks down, but doesn't seem convinced yet to want to leave. He approaches the chair in the corner, and drags it to the bed, then he sits in front of me.

"Do you really think I would have hit you that day?" Derek asks, looking me straight in the eye; his look is different, but I can't understand if it's sadness, or remorse.

"Yes, without a doubt. Stiles... warned me about you, that you were not a sociable kind. But you... you made things so difficult. As much as I wanted to be nice to you, you were always angry. I felt the hatred you feel for me from day one. Your every look, every word of yours to me. So yes, I was sure you would have attacked me that night."

Derek watches me as I speak, and he is not happy at all; I know that he listens to my heart at every heartbeat. He knows that I'm telling the truth.

"I'm sorry you think this, about me."

"It's not my fault."

We remain silent, each of us to ruminate on the conversation we have just had, the mistakes we have made, and the decisions we have made, and we would like to change.

"How did you find me?" I say, having reconsidered the situation.

"Your screams. They brought me to you. Nobody could hear you, except me. It seemed like you said my name."

Now I'm officially scared. I remember exactly the cries, but the Derek's name... I've never said; yet, if he heard it...

"I never said your name. I screamed like crazy because that man hurt me. That's all."

"But..."

"You didn't hear your name, Derek. You couldn't have heard it, because it would mean..."

"That am I going to die? What, now you care if I live or die?"

I don't know what to answer now; Yes, I hate him, but no, I don't want his death.

"Just because you're an asshole, it doesn't mean you have to die."

Derek smiles; all of a sudden, however, I feel a shiver run through my back.

I didn't remember that it was so cold in this room. He realizes it, and getting up, he comes to the bed, and lies next to me.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You're cold. I can warm you up."

He tries to get closer, but I push him away.

"Fuck you, Derek."

"Fuck, Y/n. You fall and I want to help you, you're cold and I want to help you. But it's not good at all. Don't you think that you're acting like a bitch?"

"Did you hear what I said just now? You are an asshole, always angry with me, and I don't trust you. You're the one who made me like that!"

The head begins to spin, swirling; the situation is worse than I expected. I can't understand. Why do I feel like I've done something wrong? If it's him who's wrong, then why does it seem like I'm the one who has to apologize?

Derek tries to get close to me again, but I walk away.

"Go away, Derek. I want to be alone, please."

He, embittered, takes a few steps back. After that, Derek goes away.

I'm alone in my room, and I continue to think about everything that happened to me. I just wanted to help Scott, since some people want to kill him; instead, I'm the one in the hospital. I am the 'sick' one, the one that seems to have always been wrong lately.

What's happening to me?

Forever Tag: @doro7winchester - @cirunia - @frickin-bats - @giftofdreams- @ria132love - @flirtswithdanger - @littlenerdgirl16 - @nanie5 - @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester - @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel - @disneymarina - @ironmanlover24

Derek Hale Tag: @m00sethemurderer - @duncedgoofball - @captainrogersbucky - @ginger-swag-rapunzel - @iamabeautifulperson18 - @thebutterflyxx - @undiscovered-misunderstood - @itsgrace971- @wolffininthestars - @i-am-wonder-woman-1

(If you want to be tagged in my stories, just ask me!)

#derek hale #derek hale x reader #derek hale imagine #imagine derek hale #derek hale fanfic #derek hale fanfiction #teen wolf #teen wolf imagine #imagine teen wolf #teen wolf fanfiction #teen wolf fanfic #gif #tumblr

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golchaworld · 4 years

Text

Panacea | L.BG (Part 1)

➳ pairing: lee byunggon x fem!reader, ft. cix ensemble

➳ genre: organized crime!au, action, occasional fluff

➳ word count: ~3.3k

➳ warnings: cursing, mild violence, mentions of non-descriptive gore, mentions of sex, glorification of crime

➳ summary: Three years ago, they were sitting in the back of their chemistry class, passing notes and giggling. Now they’re fighting to take down the biggest crime lord in Seoul — their own. Who would have thought knowledge about hydrochloric acid would become so useful?

A/N: I got this idea on a whim a couple of weeks ago. I did a lot of research about CIX’s individual personalities to make this story as true to their characters as possible. I hope you guys enjoy. As always, feel free to reblog or reply with feedback, and my asks are always open.

Part Two

panacea (noun): a solution or remedy for all difficulties

The elevator lets out a soft chime before its doors open. As the man walks further into the office, his shoes click against the sturdy marble. His entrance is announced before he opens the door, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

The receptionist quirks his head up, smiling widely once he lays eyes on the man. Not quite the reaction he would expect. The man doesn’t let his surprise show, just choosing to approach the receptionist with an expression set in stone.

“Welcome to Adonis, Inc.,” the receptionist greets. His name tag reads ‘Yoon Hyunsuk’ which is quite the fitting name for the boy behind the desk. His smile never once falters. “How can I assist you today?”

“I’m here for a meeting with Mr. Kim.”

Hyunsuk nods, instantly turning to his computer. “Perfect! May I have your name, please?”

“Ahn Taebin.”

“Okay, Mr. Ahn. I have you down right here. I’ll have someone right out who will take you to Mr. Kim.”

The receptionist finishes his sentence with a smile that has a shiver run up the man’s spine. Does this kid ever stop smiling? Apparently not, seeing as he picks up the phone, muttering a few words into the receiver while he still beams. When another man approaches the reception desk, this time from inside the office, Hyunsuk is still smiling.

“Mr. Ahn, this is Lee Byunggon. He will take you to see Mr. Kim, alright? Feel free to let him know if you need anything.”

The other man, Byunggon, sends Mr. Ahn a curt nod, which serves as both a greeting and a motion to follow him.

The two pass through the seemingly normal office. Cubicles are arranged in neat rows, yet only a few are inhabited by people. Mr. Ahn chuckles under his breath. He knows how hard it is to gain employees in a business like this.

The few employees that are at their desks seem to be hard at work. A few pore over files while others type aggressively. The whole office has the same aura. The perfection is a facade; there’s underlying aggression here. The neatness has a messy side. Mr. Ahn just doesn’t know what it is yet.

Eventually Byunggon stops in front of a grandiose wooden door. The words ‘Kim Jaeyong’ are engraved in a fancy gold font, perfectly matching the warm oak door. From the front, there are no windows, indicating that no one can see in or out. Mr. Ahn wonders if he should take that as a threat.

After three knocks that resonate throughout the office, the door is opened to reveal a blank face. Mr. Ahn has heard that Kim Jaeyong never makes the mistake of showing emotion.

Mr. Ahn is greeted with a short bow, which he returns before Kim Jaeyong motions for him to enter his personal office. Mr. Ahn complies, missing the way Byunggon smiles as the door closes behind the two. Byunggon’s not upset about being left out of the meeting, knowing he’ll bear witness to the best part later.

. . .

Mr. Ahn wakes up with a splitting headache. A bright light is shining in his face, making him flinch away. It’s then that he realizes he can’t move. Mr. Ahn looks down to where his arms are pinned to his sides, held down by a thick rope that has his entire body bound to the chair he sits in. He tries to let out a yell, a scream for help, something, but any sound he makes is muffled by the thick cotton that has been stuffed in his mouth.

“Look, guys. The asshole is awake.”

Mr. Ahn instantly searches the room, looking for the source of the words. It’s difficult, but eventually he makes out six figures standing behind the light that shines intensely in his face. He can’t make out specific faces due to the light, but a familiar smile glows even in the darkness of the surrounding room. The receptionist.

Hyunsuk chuckles darkly, clapping a hand on the shoulder of the boy next to him. “I think you’re going to have fun with this one, Jinyoung.”

The boy next to Hyunsuk, Jinyoung, Mr. Ahn supposes, smiles in his own twisted way. He drags his eyes up and down Mr. Ahn’s figure, eyes lit with a certain sadistic hunger that has Mr. Ahn’s stomach recoiling.

“Too bad I’m not going to get to the best part of it all, seeing as this asshole is going to tell us everything we need to know. Right, asshole?”

Mr. Ahn does his best to shake his head no, squirming within his confines. All six figures break out into laughter, even the ones he can’t see.

The boy that approaches him first has a soft smile, one that looks too sweet to participate in something like this. Mr. Ahn knows it’s all a facade. One look at the boy’s muscular arms lets Mr. Ahn know that he’s the real brawn of this group. Mr. Ahn feels bile rise in his throat.

The boy with the sweet smile just reaches forward, removing the fabric from Mr. Ahn’s mouth. He squats in front of his bound prisoner, cocking his head to the side cutely.

“What the fuck do you want from me?” Mr. Ahn spits out.

Sweet smile boy chuckles. “We are simple people, Ahn Taebin. So let’s start this simply. Where’s our shipment?”

Mr. Ahn racks his brain for information, but he turns up empty handed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Another boy steps out from the shadows, a tablet in hand. With a quick press of a button, staticky audio streams from the device. The boy is stoic, factual, and looks all too much like Kim Jaeyong. He must be a relative. But Mr. Ahn’s train of thought is interrupted when he hears his own voice flutter out of the tablet.

“I don’t give a fuck. I’ll be damned if I deliver Adonis all of that phencyclidine. We could be profiting off that shit. What good is angel dust if we’re not the ones selling it?”

Mr. Ahn wants to vomit. Where the hell did they get that recording?

Sweet smiling boy chuckles again as his other friend returns back to the shadows. “How about I ask you one more time, Ahn Taebin. Where. The fuck. Is our shipment?”

“I don’t fucking know.” Mr. Ahn delivers a sweet smile of his own. He’ll be damned if he lets some kids in on the inner workings of his shipments, even if they already know that they’re hidden.

“You see, I find that pretty hard to believe. When I asked Miyeon, she seemed to think that you knew exactly where our shipment was.”

If Mr. Ahn thought he was going to vomit before, he definitely is now. He spent his entire life trying to keep Miyeon away from this lifestyle, and yet here she is, still wrapped up in Adonis’ tendrils.

“What did you do to my daughter, you son of a bitch?! If you hurt her, I swear my entire gang will have your head.”

At this, the room erupts in sadistic laughter once again. Mr. Ahn hates how much they’re enjoying this.

Sweet smile boy places a patronizing hand on Mr. Ahn’s knee, eyes filling with mirth. “Don’t worry, Ahn Taebin. I didn’t hurt your precious Miyeon. But her pussy might be sore for a few days.”

Mr. Ahn uses all of his strength to fight against his restraints, attempting to lunge towards the boy squatting in front of him. His efforts are futile, though, leaving him to yell frustratedly.

“You twisted fucks,” he bites out.

Sweet smiling boy just stands, retreating into the darkness as another boy takes his place. Mr. Ahn recognizes this as the one from earlier, the one with the sadistic eyes. He holds a pair of pliers in his left hand, in his right, a bone saw. Mr. Ahn gulps.

“Mr. Ahn,” the boy begins. “I think you’ve brought me to my favorite part. So this is your last chance before we really get started. Tell us where our shipment is, and you just might leave with all 10 fingers and 10 toes.”

The light in Mr. Ahn’s face has begun to make him sweat. Despite his discomfort, Mr. Ahn stays strong.

“Go to hell.”

The corner of the boy’s mouth quirks up. “If you say so.”

. . .

“Cheers!”

You clink your glass against the five in front of you before knocking back the shot. The soju burns your throat as it slides down, warming your core to the highest degree. In all honesty, you preferred wine, but Seunghun always insisted on hard liquor after a long week.

You watch as the boys’ faces contort in various ways as they each take the shot. Hyunsuk’s nose scrunches cutely, reminding you much of a baby bunny. Yonghee’s face is twisted into a tight grimace. Jinyoung is the only one who’s stoic, face not budging even as the alcohol travels down his throat. Oh Jinyoung, always the show off.

The plush carpet that you sit on tickles your thighs, reminding you to be mindful of the way your skirt shifts. You remember just how frustrated you were that you had gotten blood on your only comfortable clothes, and thus had to wear this stuffy office getup for the remainder of the day.

“Honestly,” Hyunsuk begins. “I still don’t know how Seunghun managed to fuck every single one of these guys’ daughters. Like every single time!”

Seunghun smirks, leaning back to rest against the couch. “It’s easy when you look like me, kid.”

The group instantly erupts in fake gags and booing. As much as you all praise Seunghun for the inside work he does, it doesn’t mean you enjoy the cockiness. Seunghun’s beauty has definitely gone to his head since he started this work, inflating his ego maximally.

“Shut up,” Jinyoung retorts. “You’re not even the hottest. That’s obviously me!”

Byunggon snorts before knocking back another shot. “You’re both so full of shit.”

You watch as the boys devolve into an argument of who’s most handsome. The only one who is quiet is Yonghee, who just watches the interaction with amusement painted on his face. You wonder if he knows that he could easily win the competition for most attractive.

Yonghee, despite being the handsome guy he is, has always been extremely humble. Part of it stems from being the crime boss’ computer nerd son; he never feels like he’s good enough.

When you meet his eyes from across the small coffee table, you shoot him a small smile. He returns it cutely, making a scene of rolling his eyes at your shared friend group’s banter. Honestly, this is nothing out of the ordinary.

“Y/N,” Hyunsuk calls your attention. “Help us out here. Who do you think is the best looking?”

Jinyoung groans, throwing his head back exaggeratedly. “That’s not fair. She’s just going to choose Byunggon!”

The heat that rises to your cheeks is imminent. Even if Jinyoung is right, that doesn’t mean he has to actually say it.

You’ve always found Byunggon attractive, even when you were younger. His strong jaw and rounded cheeks provide the perfect balance between cute and manly. Paired with his wide shoulders, deep voice, and dimples to die for, it’s obvious that Byunggon is the epitome of perfection.

And just maybe you’re a little in love with him.

What’s worse is that it’s not a secret. Everyone in the office seems to notice. Even Kim Jaeyong himself once made a joke about when you two would finally make it official. And maybe it’s a good thing that everyone knows. Well, everyone except Byunggon himself.

“She is not going to choose me!” Byunggon ducks his head to hide his blush. “You’re her favorite, Hyunsuk. She’s definitely going to choose you.”

Seunghun cocks an eyebrow, looking at you expectantly. “Well…?”

There’s only one way to diffuse the tension, this you’re sure of. You slowly scan over each of the five boys, pretending to think objectively. Eventually your gaze lands on an empty bottle of soju on the middle of the coffee table.

“I think it’s Yonghee.” You shrug.

The room is silent for a second, all five boys seemingly pondering the answer that you gave. Yonghee’s cheeks bloom a brilliant pink, spurred on further by the amount of alcohol in his system.

Seunghun just nods, taking another shot of soju. “You’re kind of right. Yonghee has always been the pretty one.”

The mentioned boy’s cheeks flush an even deeper pink, if possible. “That’s not true,” he mutters.

“It kind of is,” Hyunsuk chimes. “You always get random numbers from girls, even when we go to like the grocery store.”

“Like I said,” you cock an eyebrow teasingly. “No one can compare to the Kim Yonghee.”

By now, Yonghee is shaking his head, making every attempt to calm his pink cheeks. Jinyoung must find it endearing, because he reaches over and pinches the flesh, letting out small coos.

“Okay, but like, Y/N,” Hyunsuk starts again. “Who is second place?”

Although you can tell this is going to be a long night, you wouldn’t have it any other way. When you do the work that the six of you guys do, decompressing on a Friday night is much needed.

It started within the first month of you all working under Adonis, high school besties turned organized crime dream team. When Jinyoung disassembled his first human body, he called for a meeting on a random Friday for emotional support. It’s been a tradition ever since.

By now, it’s gotten a lot easier, the torture and murder. Well, it’s as easy as torture and murder can get. Those of you with the stronger stomachs do the more physical work, and those who are more squeamish work behind the scenes.

Seunghun and Jinyoung work hand in hand when it comes to torturing information out of the prey. Seunghun’s specialty is psychological torture, getting close to the prey’s loved ones and using it against them in moments of weakness. Jinyoung, on the other hand, works purely physically. You’ve seen him break bones like glow sticks without batting an eye.

You prefer the physical work once the prey is actually dead. That means most of the time you’re on body disposal. As a chemistry whiz in high school, you’ve known how to completely dissolve a body in hydrochloric acid since you were 15. If only you knew how much it would come in handy in the future.

Before all of the torture begins, though, someone has to lure the prey into the trap. That’s where Byunggon and Hyunsuk come in. They work as yin and yang, playing good cop and bad cop to both intimidate and provide a sense of security to the prey. Once the prey trusts a little too much, and is a little too comfortable with Hyunsuk’s smile, Byunggon swoops in, letting the chloroform do the work.

The only one who works completely behind the scenes is Yonghee. Sweet, innocent Yonghee pales at the sight of blood, but beams in front of a computer screen. More often than not, he keeps Adonis, Inc. running. He legitimizes all of the documents, wipes the security cameras, and leads any wandering eyes through a confusing hole of technological bullshit.

It’s the least he could do as the heir to the Kim throne.

. . .

Two hours later, the six of you are each in various states of drunkenness, strewn about Seunghun and Byunggon’s shared apartment floor. Their apartment was where you all had always decided to throw your end of week celebrations, but something about tonight has the place looking a little messier than usual.

Maybe it’s the fact that Jinyoung spilled soju on the carpet, twice. Or the fact that Hyunsuk has finished his third bag of chips, and hasn’t picked up any of the wrappers. Even Byunggon has crumbs on the side of his face.

But the messiness seems to match the aura of the night, fueling everyone’s mood. Seunghun keeps looking around anxiously, as if there’s something that’s threatening to burst out from inside him. You hope it’s not vomit.

“Guys, are we really going to do this for the rest of our lives?” The boy questions with a drunken lilt to his words, making them slur together. “Are we going to be cutting up bodies at 50? 60?”

Yonghee snorts. “Some of us don’t have a choice.” Even though he’s tipsy, you can still detect the grief in his voice.

“None of us have a choice,” Jinyoung reminds. “This isn’t a life we can just quit. We knew that before we even started.”

Seunghun’s signature pout takes hold on his face, making him look like a kicked puppy. You always wonder how Seunghun, someone who looks as sweet as he does, can live a life like this. What kind of internal darkness is housed under that mask of sincerity?

“I know, but being around the boss is so draining. He can be so fucking demeaning!” Seunghun’s eyes are red and glossy from the alcohol. “Spending so much time with him drives me crazy.”

You nod understandingly. Being around Kim Jaeyong is nothing short of a nightmare. He’s entitled, cocky, and all too harsh, even when dealing with those who have his back. Even the way he treats his own son is appalling, but you guess that’s the consequence of having so much power.

Kim Jaeyong can end lives with a snap of his fingers, and everyone around him knows that. So no one steps forward, no one takes a stand against him, and no one ever dares to cross him, leaving his power unchecked and absolute.

Seunghun continues, fueled by anger and hard liquor. “It gets so hard to have to deal with his sadistic mind all of the time. One time he said that he likes killing people because it makes him feel like a god. He told me that’s why the business is called Adonis. Who the fuck likes killing people?”

Yonghee doesn’t look up from his lap, doesn’t flinch, doesn’t make any move to defend his father. He knows he can’t. His father’s actions have been heinous long before Yonghee was born, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

“I hate that he thinks of himself as a god. I hate that he thinks he’s so untouchable. Why can’t he show us a little respect? We do so fucking much for him.” Jinyoung’s voice is laced with venom.

“Imagine how I feel,” you say bitterly. “Getting catcalled all day at work isn’t exactly a dream job.”

The dichotomy of working in crime and working for a friend’s dad is a weird one. On the one hand, you expect the lewd, inappropriate manners in which business is conducted. On the other hand, you still have your expectations of being treated like a friend, like family, even. But Kim Jaeyong treats you like a piece of meat.

“Still?” Seunghun throws his hands up frustratedly. “I told him to stop that shit ages ago. I can’t believe he’s still harassing you.”

Hyunsuk rolls his eyes, crumbs staining the left corner of his mouth. “Well it’s not like there’s anything we could do about it. He’s never listened to us. Plus, the man’s not dying anytime soon, so it’s not like we’re changing leadership.”

There’s silence for a moment, weaving in between the bodies in the room in a swirling haze. The glow from Seunghun’s overhead lamp is reflected in Jinyoung’s eyes. Sinister. That’s what his gaze is.

“What if we could?” The boy asks. “What if we could change leadership?”

Byunggon groans in annoyance. “What are you on about now? Hyunsuk just said it, we’re not changing leadership anytime soon.”

“Yeah, but what if we could,” Jinyoung stands up, swaying slightly from the alcohol. “What if we could change Adonis’ leadership?”

Seunghun’s brows furrow, and he shares a confused look with Hyunsuk. “How would we do that?”

Jinyoung lets out a short chuckle. A smirk has taken a hold on his lips, turning them upwards slightly.

“We can take Kim Jaeyong down...all by ourselves.”

[Part Two]

#cix imagines #cix #complete in x #lee byounggon #lee byounggon imagines #escritos #panacea

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bltngames · 4 years

Text

SAGE 2020: Indie Games

SAGE may closed more than a day ago, but thankfully, the website remains up for those who still want to download its games. So even though this article is technically very late, nothing listed here is out of date. The event may be over, but the games live on! Which is honestly a relief, because I think doing ten games per article is taking its toll on me. Normally, when I’d write for TSSZ, I’d do somewhere in the realm of 5-7 games per article, and even that would eventually burn me out. After writing about 20 games this year, I was clearly starting to feel like I was running out of steam. Oh well. We live and learn. Here’s another ten games!

There’s one more article left after this, a sort of “honorable mentions” round-up that will feature much shorter blurbs as I blow through way more games way faster. If I didn’t talk about your game here in these three articles, now’s your chance to let me know so I can say something about it in the final article.

Anyway, onwards to our ten indie games.

Victory Heat Rally

I’m all for any game channeling the spirit of Sega’s old SuperScaler arcade technology, and Victory Heat Rally is all about that. Everything about this game seems so MY AESTHETIC that my only complaint is that I’m hungry for more. A lot more. This demo is a simple time trial on one race track and I’m itching to sink my teeth into literally anything else this game has to offer. There is an older demo from back in April with more content, but it’s running on a different version of the code base -- this newest demo is significantly improved both in terms of visuals and control. I really don’t have anything else to say about it. There’s not much here, but what’s here is charmingly retro in the style of Sega’s Power Drift, but cuter and even more colorful.

Sondro Gomez: A Sunova Story

I had been interested to revisit Sondro Gomez after playing the first demo last year, but I don’t know if I just wasn’t in the right mood for it this year or what, but I kind of bounced off the game this time. To my memory, Sondro Gomez is a kinda-sorta side game in the Kyle & Lucy universe. You may remember Kyle & Lucy as one of a growing number of games coming out of the Sonic fan gaming community trying to break out as an original title. A while ago, the developers announced a partnership with Stealth to use the Headcannon engine to make the game with, something that extended to Sondro Gomez here. The problem is, it feels kind of weird now, and I can’t quite put my finger on why. I think it’s the little stuff -- you don’t get a lot of positive feedback when attacking using your whip (the sound is a bit quiet), and the difficulty balancing errs on the side of caution. I died a couple times in my time playing this newest demo, but I wouldn’t characterize Sondro Gomez as a game that feels challenging. Some of that probably has to do with the fact this is still just a demo, which means you spend a long time fighting the same four enemy types in every single level. There’s a lot of charm to the story and the characters it involves, but that only takes you so far when it feels like you’re doing the same things over and over in the actual levels, you know? Either way, the touched up visuals and the new boss fights are welcome. Interested in seeing what the full release looks like next year.

Delta Gal

In retrospect, a Mega Man Legends fan game seems like a no-brainer, doesn’t it? Where Delta Gal has a leg up is in controls. Even considering the era Mega Man Legends was released in, it had very awkward controls. Delta Gal’s response is to embrace standard third person action game controls with a mouse and a keyboard. Now, there is controller support, but even once you get it set up, you have button layout presets like “Bad” and “Almost Good.” Honestly, if you can, just play it with a keyboard and mouse. The demo offers about 30-40 minutes of gameplay, with a bit of the town, a forest section, a cave, and one whole dungeon. Visuals nail the best parts of the Mega Man Legends low-fi aesthetic, colors are vibrant, and the pixel art textures look very good. The town is full of characters with lots of personality, too. A particular favorite being the guy who runs the junkyard who likes to show off by flexing his muscles but then ultimately chickens out when it comes to exploring the cave he discovers. The only downside I’d say is the sound design. The game sounds okay, but some of the music is a little bland, and certain sound effects lack the right kind of punch. Granted, this style of sound design isn’t easy, so I can empathize with the developers in that respect. Honestly, it doesn’t really detract from anything at all, so maybe it’s not even worth bringing up. Either way, good stuff, and I’m looking forward to the full release.

Bun n’ Gun

Here’s a cute little game about a bunny in the old west. I’m absolutely in love with the visuals and the music here, but the gameplay is… interesting. Bun isn’t a typical shooter or platformer, thanks to the fact that he appears to only have one arm, which is occupied by his gun. Now you wouldn’t think this would matter, as it’s pretty easy to design a game around only having to jump and shoot, and that’s fair enough. But there’s a strange heft to this character. It takes them a little bit to pick up speed, and it takes them a bit to slow down, and there’s an unmistakable, split-second delay between pushing the jump button and actually jumping. I know enough about this kind of game development that a delay between pushing a button and actually jumping has to be a deliberate design decision, and I split on whether or not I like it. I don’t think I hate it, because it’s pretty easy to get used to the way it feels, but it does mean you’re working with a handicap when it comes to split-second movements. Given the bunny seems to only have one arm, though, perhaps that’s the point. Either way, it’s cute. Give it a look.

Shield Cat

I feel like I’ve been over-using the word “charming” to describe games at SAGE this year, but you know what? Shield Cat is charming as heck. People also tend to think it’s reductive to describe things by comparing them to something that already exists, but I say nuts to that, too. Saying “It’s like…” is an easy shorthand, and besides, if somebody is saying your project is like one of their favorite games, it just means they’re giving you praise and might lack the words to accurately describe that praise. Thing is, that’s actually kind of hard to do with Shield Cat. The nearest relative to this game would be The Legend of Zelda, but Shield Cat honestly plays very little like Zelda, beyond having a top-down perspective. Secret of Mana, maybe, with the stamina meters? I don’t know. Regardless, this is a charming (!!!) top down action game where you roam around exploring an overworld and solve light puzzles. It controls well and the aesthetics are nice. Can’t really get much better than that, though I do have to wonder what it is you’re supposed to be doing in this game. It took me about 30 minutes to see everything available in this demo, but there’s no story setup and only the smallest pieces of what could be considered a dungeon. What’s on offer here is interesting enough that I find myself wanting to know more about this world. For example, it’s called Shield Cat, but clearly you’re some kind of ferret. What’s that about? Guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Prototype N

I’ve sat here staring into the void wondering what to write about for this game for a long time, because it’s one of those demos that’s just… a solid and fun game that nails exactly what it’s going for. I would say that Prototype N leans a little too far towards the easy side of things, but the third level provided in the demo ramps the challenge up enough to be just about perfect. And, really, that’s it. That’s the game. You get two softer introductory levels to get you acclimated to the controls (which are similar to Mega Man, but different enough not to be a direct clone) and one “real” level to actually give you a bit of a work out. There’s nothing else to really say. This has the vibe of a 1993 or 1994 Capcom game, or maybe something from Data East. Every single part of this game’s presentation is laser-focused on that aesthetic, and it pulls it off flawlessly. Sound design, music, visuals, it’s a bullseye. This game fell out of a time machine in the best way possible. Definitely give it a look.

Yan’s World

From a game that nails the SNES aesthetic to this, a game which pays tribute to the Virtual Boy… but not really? I actually became aware of Yan’s World many years ago through a mutual Discord, and it always looked interesting, but simultaneously a little confusing, something that still mostly holds true to this day. Per the game’s own Kickstarter sales pitch, Yan’s World is “stylized as a lost title for Nintendo's Virtual Boy.” I can get down with that, but the game almost instantly breaks its own rule because Yan’s primary method of attack is to shoot a missile from his head that can only be aimed using the mouse. As such, Yan’s World doesn’t have controller support, even though one of the stretch goals currently listed on their Kickstarter page is to make a version that can be played on real Virtual Boy hardware. And, honestly, what’s the deal with this game’s whole… everything else? Why is this kid an onion? Why are the platforms made out of clocks? Why does all of Yan’s dialog make him seem like he’s sort of pissed off when he’s got such a big happy smile? There’s a bit of a hand-wave to suggest the entire game takes place inside of a dream, and for once that actually means throwing logic out the window, I guess. Oh, the missile is a pillow? Fine, whatever. Use it to blast this demonic apple, and then threaten to kill an innocent NPC. It’s a dream! Despite how little sense that makes, it… kind of works? The sprites are big and lovely, the game controls well, and the level design is plenty creative. I can’t fault the game for that, it’s just trying to figure out everything wrapped around the game that feels so bizarre.

Cosmic Boll

I don’t know if I really understand what’s going on in Cosmic Boll, but I love to play it just the same. This plays like if Treasure made Dragon Ball Advance Adventure while strung out on cocaine. The end result is pure hyperactive chaos. There is a whole complicated combat system at play here, and a very lengthy in-depth tutorial when you first start the game, but you can figure out a lot of it by just skipping the tutorial and playing the game for real. You can get by pretty easily by just mashing buttons and seeing what happens, and that’s not a complaint, because a lot happens in this game. Like, constantly. It never stops, it never really slows down. You’re always zipping around, spinning and flipping and punching soldiers, explosions everywhere, collectibles everywhere, just utter madness. It’s Sonic the Hedgehog plus Devil May Cry plus Gunstar Heroes and all of it is mixed up in ways you probably don’t expect. All of this is to say that Cosmic Boll is messy and cool and fun and you should probably play it.

Brock Crocodile

This is a game I’ve seen a lot of around social media, and it’s nice to finally be able to try it. Weirdly enough, this is the first game all SAGE that has flat out refused to see my controller. For the last few years at SAGE, I’ve been using a Playstation DualShock 4, which typically causes me all kinds of headaches with games expecting an Xbox controller. This year, I’ve been using an 8bitdo SN30+. These things are designed primarily to be used on the Switch, but using a controller macro, you can change it to Xbox or Playstation modes. The “Xbox” mode has served me well so far, but Brock here fails to let me use the controller at all. Fortunately, with only three buttons, Brock manages to be mostly playable on a keyboard. That being said, a lot of this game feels a little bit off. The camera is kind of swimmy, as it's almost constantly in motion trying to get a better angle on what's around you. Brock himself doesn't have a smooth acceleration curve either -- it's more like shifting gears in a car, where you reach one top speed and then click up into the next highest speed. That can work, but Brock changes gears much too quickly and without much feedback, making it look like one jerky acceleration curve instead of two. And then there’s the visuals. Level art looks great, character portraits look great, but I’ve never been the biggest fan of the sprites I’ve seen in this game. Take Brock himself, for example: he’s got insanely thick thighs for some reason but the rest of his body looks thin and wispy, and he stands with kind of weird posture. The good news is, despite these complaints, Brock Crocodile is actually really fun to play. You eventually get used to the game’s control quirks, and the level design and included boss fight are excellent, striking that perfect balance where they aren’t too easy but don’t feel unfairly difficult, either. Plus, even though the cutscenes aren’t skippable (annoying as I was dealing with controller issues), the writing is snappy and the dialog is funny. It may not be perfect, but there’s still a lot to like here.

Marble Launcher

Here’s one of those games where you can tell the creator is just starting out making games. And that’s great! These sorts of endlessly complex, winding mazes are exactly the kind of levels I started making when I first got into game development when I was 16 or 17 years old. One could spend hours searching every nook and cranny in these levels, which is simultaneously awesome and exhausting. Thankfully, near as I can tell, nothing FORCES you to go exploring, so if you’d rather just finish the game, it’s easy enough to head straight for the goal. Gameplay is extremely simple, otherwise. You’re a marble, you can attack enemies by bouncing off of their heads, and you have a slam move. That’s it. You might think that with this being a marble game, you’d get real rolling ball physics, but all you get is simple platformer controls. They’re good enough, especially considering how esoteric the shape of the levels can get, but it’s hard not to be a little disappointed. Still, it’s not a bad little game for what it is. Controls a bit better than some of my earliest attempts at game development, too.

Thirty games total! That’s a lot of games to talk about. And there’s still more to come, so stay tuned for that.

#sage #sonic amateur games expo #writing #review slew #indie games #victory heat rally #sondro gomez #delta gal #bun n' gun #shield cat #prototype n #yan's world #cosmic boll #brock crocodile #marble launcher

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system-of-a-feather · 4 years

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Hi, so actually I want to make my driving licence but I am so freaking scared that I am not going to manage it.I have problems with focusing and I am fast overwhelmed, so what if I dont understand something and begin to cry or even Lose more of my focus? I don't know if it's good for me to drive,even I want it so bad.Also I barely have money, so I cant try and fail. If I begin, I have to success. My dad doesn't believe in me so Idk if it's just that what scares me..What do you think? Do or dont?

Ooof. I just woke up but like, I have been in a very very very similar situation as someone who has DID, is quick to get overwhelmed, easily looses focus, and chronically dissociates even outside of DID so I felt like responding pretty quickly. Honestly, from personal experience, this can be a tricky topic and a decision that I don’t know enough of the situation / your personal condition to say one way or the other, but I can generally explain how this issue has gone over for me / our system and if you want to pull from that, great. With that being said, this is 100% our experience with the issue and isn’t necessarily going to play out the same as yours. Just because it played out how it did for us, doesn’t mean it will be the same, so keep that in mind.

I personally got started with my drivers license before noticing this to be an issue so I didn’t necessarily struggle with the topic of if I should or shouldn’t go for it, but shortly after starting to learn, I found that I have a very strong freeze reflex (which isn’t good while driving since it keeps me from making a decision) and while driving it is easy for me to get overwhelmed and dissociate and not take in enough information to drive safely and comfortably. Of course, the knowledge of this makes me more anxious, more overwhelmed, and dissociate more ironically so it is a horrible feedback loop

This actually became a really bad thing for my mental health since I am a really independent person that functions on the idea that I can do almost anything myself if I study it, plan, and dedicate myself properly and that idea is one of the reasons I’ve recovered as much as I have - however I really really struggled to fix this loop.

Personally, I managed to figure out learning how to drive and all with some work, but I did honestly fail a few times. Currently, I do have a Drivers License but I honestly don’t drive because I don’t have a car (but if I really insisted I could, so it is also the second reason that is why I don’t have a car + lack of a current need for one) and personally don’t feel safe enough - at least as Riku - to drive regularly.

With that being said, this might only apply if you have a system, but something that has worked for us a bit is finding what alters might have less of a problem driving and pretty much working really darn hard to set up a ‘ritual’ and environment to try to get them out as much as possible to drive when it is needed - both learning and otherwise. It took me some time, but I decided that it was okay that I really badly struggle with driving and it is something I will work on, but for the time being, I am going to rely on my fiance and Aderis for driving when I need to.

Typically for us, when I need to drive, I try to dress for Aderis, bring her soda, play her playlist, and essentially try to surround ourselves with a large number of her positive triggers since she has very little issues driving and actually likes it.

Currently, as mentioned above, we have a license but no car and don’t drive, which is partially because we don’t need it right now, and partially because I avoid driving - but it is something we are currently working on. Currently I have been working on integrating skills from other alters (drawing is the current one and we succeeded woot) and driving will probably be one of them eventually and at some point, I will have to work on breaking the anxiety-dissociation loop - but while it isn’t necessary nor having a car to drive we aren’t.

Back to your particular topic - some personal take-aways I have from the situation breakdown to the following.

1) Do you think you could figure out a way around your tendency to loose focus / get overwhelmed?

Can this issue be handled with therapy, CBT, or some form of internal management that you can work with? How easily do you think you might be able to recover / overcome this hurdle? If you aren’t sure and have a therapist, I STRONGLY recommend talking this issue over with your therapists.

2) Do you want to drive or do you need to drive? Does where you live have an alternative to independent driving based travel (subways, heavy biking presence, trains, good reliable bus routes)?

If it is a want, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t as much as you should weigh how much you want to drive against how much stress / difficulty / of a challenge it would be currently to do it and weighing it against if you think you can get around it.

Also, even if you technically don’t “need” to drive, if you don’t feel safe not knowing how to drive, I would generally count that as an almost need. Even if it isn’t necessarily needed physically if driving is important to you mentally feeling safe, then it is almost just as needed.

Sometimes, as sad as it might be, driving is a bit critical to gaining money, getting place, getting to school or interacting with people. This is personally why we didn’t give up on driving since we know future we would absolutely need it and with where we live, it wouldn’t work not to.

3) Is it possible to put learning off for a better time financially / mentally?

You do not necessarily have to do this right now. Down the line you might have recovered better and gained more skills to manage the issues that impede driving (I avoided learning for a year or two until I realized Aderis was comfortable with it and learned how to work, communicate, and get her out when I needed) or have more security with money that might allow you to be more comfortable taking the risk.

If it is possible to say “No right now, but it will be a goal in the future” that is 100% a good and valid thing to say since not everything has to be done immediately.

4) If you decide you can’t drive / learn to drive, that is okay and alright. It doesn’t make you stupid or any less of a valuable human being.

It is okay to admit and state that your mental health (or physical health) condition will not allow you to safely and reliably do something most people can. Your condition is not something you asked for nor is it something that is easily controlled or “just got over”. Not everyone can do everything, and when you have a mental condition or physical condition that disables some of your functioning, that is even more so. With that being said, just because you can’t do this thing, it doesn’t mean you can’t do anything and it doesn’t detract from your inherent value as an individual. You are doing your best with the cards you have / were dealt, and it is okay to not be able to do everything. If you feel the need to hate yourself and criticize yourself, I understand where you are coming from - but I just want to remind you from both a mental health advocate and as someone who was in that position, it is okay that you can’t and you are just as valuable and lovable as anyone else. It isn’t your fault you can’t do it. You are trying your best with what you have.

You don’t need to be mean to yourself or hate yourself. There are a lot of people who can’t drive for a large number of reasons ranging from physical, to learning, to mental issues. You aren’t alone in not being able to do this, and things will be okay even if you can’t.

We still support you, and those that around you that are good for you should not care that you can’t work out driving.

It is okay to not be able to do something. You are still an amazing lovable human being.

But anyways, those are my thoughts and personal experiences with this kind of issue and situation. I hope it helped and I really hope you figure this out! Best of luck regardless of if you decide to go for it, go for it later, or to mark it off of the list all together and I hope you have a lot of good luck and good results for whichever decision you make.

-Riku (Host)

#did #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid #alter: riku #ask #asks #driving

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snkpolls · 6 years

Text

SnK S3E07 Poll Results (Anime Only Version)

The poll closed with 118 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note this is the anime only viewer version of the poll. Manga readers, please click here for the results of the manga reader poll!

RATE THE EPISODE 110 Responses

Another episode with an overwhelming amount of positive feedback and high ratings!

20 minutes of everything that makes the series great

Best episode of the season by far. Rod is a poor guy. Historia did Destroya.

Best so far!! This season is truly getting better with every episode. Idk how I'm going to survive to the end of it tbh, I'm already dead!!!!

WE FINALLY GOT TO HEAR THE TWO NEW VOCAL TRACKS. YOUR REACTIONS?

Out of the new tracks, Kenny’s remix had its fans, but Historia’s headstrong theme got the most love! Anyone excited for the OST’s release?

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WERE YOUR FAVORITE SCENES? 107 Responses

The rematch between Levi and Kenny was most compelling, closely followed by Historia remembering Ymir’s and stand-up against her father. Viewers also seemed to enjoy Mikasa slicing some MPs and Eren’s emotional breakdown.

Eren's emotional monologue broke me. I teared up even on the second watch. Maybe I'm just too invested in this show lol.

Mikasa's pose when she kicked a bitch in the face

HOW EMOTIONAL DID SPRINGLESTEIN’S FIRST KILLS MAKE YOU? 105 Responses

For the most part, viewers more or less had some feelings toward Springlestein’s first human kills. They grow up so fast!

jean best boi

TRAUTE HAS A LOT TO SAY ABOUT HER LOYALTY AND KENNY’S DREAM. WHAT’RE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT HER AS A CHARACTER? 108 Responses

Almost half of you believe Kenny’s right-hand woman to be bright and rational, while there is nearly an even split between not having much of an opinion and thinking she’s being manipulated by Kenny. Two of you compared her to Annie: “bootleg Annie”/ “grumpier Annie”

She just has a different ideology than Erwin and co. and is prepared to fight to death for it.

Honestly there was just so much going on I didn't really think about her

I am open to more of her.

I’m loving her just as much as Kenny, she’s a fun villain.

HOW HEARTBREAKING WAS EREN’S BREAKDOWN? 108 Resposnes

There were a variety of responses for this one, though overall people found Eren’s breakdown to be a bit of a tearjerker.

It's traumatizing right now, but he will get through this.

Now's not the time Eren. You can do this at any other time just not right now.

HOW BADASS WAS HISTORIA YEETING HER DAD? 108 Responses

A vast majority of viewers are applauding Historia throwing her father on the ground and calling him on his bullshit!

Damn that girl always gets the best music whenever she does something awesome

Good for her:) She took a stand on her own.

I liked the reminder that she is actually a fuckin' soldier, when she tossed her pops and threw his spine out.

FAVORITE KENNY-ISM SO FAR: 108 Responses

Kenny has quite a few quotable moments, but people find his introduction line to be most favorable.

HOW’RE YOU FEELING ABOUT EREN RIGHT NOW? 107 Responses

72% of the voters sympathize with Eren’s despair and want people to cut him some slack, while a fair amount believe this is not the time or place for him to fall apart.

It's nice to see him actually consider the consequences of his actions for the first time basically ever.

Always been a cry baby and spoiled brat

I mean... they've all been through a lot.

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FOR EREN’S EMOTIONAL STABILITY AFTER HIS HEAVIEST BREAKDOWN YET? 104 Responses

Despite his breakdown, a majority of voters believe this is just another bump in the road for Eren. There are some that think this is just the beginning of his stability worsening.

It'll take some time but with the help of his friends they'll level him out. Needs a good talking to from Mikasa

He’ll pick himself, but it will take a while.

I'm expecting a change in his demeanor. I've been reading that he sheds his hot-headed persona, so I'm looking forward to that.

He's gonna be a cooler, wiser and more mature character.

WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION TO HISTORIA TOSSING THE SERUM? 106 Responses

Again, the support for Historia’s actions and words is overwhelming!

DID YOU EXPECT KENNY’S (NOW-ABANDONED) PLAN WAS TO HARNESS THE POWER OF THE TITANS? 106 Responses

While a decent amount of viewers suspected Kenny wanted to ultimately take the Reiss’s titan power for himself, a majority did not expect his confession.

HANGE: DOWN OR OUT? 106 Responses

Despite being grappled and thrown against a pilar, 79.2% are confident Hange will pull themself together!

My theory: Hange will be in a coma from her injuries, but wakes up upon Moblit coming back to give her a kiss :)

They foreshadowed Hange going down masterfully

HOW MUCH DO YOU TRUST ROD’S EXPLANATIONS? 106 Responses

Rod did a lot of infodumping about Grisha’s sins and his family’s secrets the past couple episodes. What’s the truth and what’s a lie? Most believe there is some truth to what he is saying along with a few lies purposely placed.

He is telling the truth. At the same time he's a selfish, manipulative villain hellbent on using Historia.

I trust Rod about as much as I trust the old tub of sour cream in the back of my fridge dated "12/04/2011".

The very first thing he did in the episode was manipulating Historia's emotions with her dead sister. Fuck that guy.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

And the oscar for best performance goes to... YUKI KAJI!

First legitimately great episode of Season 3. Not hindered by the breakneck pacing and/or infodumps.

I hate Rod. I feel bad for Eren. I'm excited by Kenny. Historia is doing better for herself.

I don't think anyone is getting eaten so either Rod's dumb titan form will be a threat some other way or we will finally know how people can can turn into shifters without eating another shifter.

Was It Armin who figured out Kenny's troupe maneuver gear weaknesses? Because the anime kinda implies that... And this is awesome.. he os brilliant

Fights are awesome

This was the weakest episode so far. On paper, it should be one hell of an episode, but regrettably the the way it was executed left a lot to be desired. In particular, I found Historia's and Eren's scenes to be quite disappointing. The storyboards and direction for those scenes were the most insipid and uninspired so far in the anime's entire run. The VAs did all they could, but the directors let them down. The scenes paled in comparison to Reiner+Berthold's reveal and Eren's breakdown from S2. Lastly, the art was pretty awful at various instances throughout the episode. From what I read about the production on Twitter, it seems WIT has already started to experience difficulties managing the production for this season, which probably means the art will keep on getting worse. I'm now deliberating on whether to go ahead and read the manga and watch the anime once the Blu-rays are out.

Shits getting good now.

The smokescreen was fucking awesome. And I had a laugh with a friend after we repeatedly said we would never go on an assault if it meant attacking through a narrow door.

Moar Squad Levi plz now and for forever

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 102 Responses

Thank you again to everyone who took the poll. See you back on Tuesday!

#snk poll #snk polls #snk spoilers #snk s3 #poll results

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rpbetter · 3 years

Note

Hi, my knowledge is mainly from the blog. You're right, I think Rolescape can benefit from more varied takes. I want to add my two cents. I just wish there was another way to do it. I don't know if I can stay on the server that long because I get bad stage fright. I joined briefly, but I felt like I was walking into a clique that already formed. I just don't like servers. That's another problem I have with this I guess. It feels unfair, exclusionary to people like me. Can you share any tips?

Thank you for replying back! I didn't want to just imply what your experience was, especially as that easily comes off as a snooty, "well, if you were in The Server you'd know!" kind of thing that I am not cool with.

I absolutely understand! Despite running this blog, my RP blogs, and trying to be a reasonably social presence, I'm really not very socially inclined. I actually held out on joining the RS server for months, had to have a friend vet that it was relatively chill, not an incredibly busy atmosphere. Honestly, and y'all can despise me for this, free pass, I don't like discord in general, it's just become the only option for messaging off of tumblr, and that's what I keep it to - messaging friends and trustworthy, not hyper-social, mutuals. Servers and other group chat situations give me hives lol I'm only somewhat joking! I hate it. It overwhelms and exhausts me.

So, notably, RS's server is not like that. There are some busy moments when several people are joining at once, there's a conversation going in a channel, or the developer drops something new/asks for feedback. That's really it, though, and even then, I've yet to see anyone having to like, rapid-fire answer to get a word in edgewise. I've not been stressed out enough to (and I do mean this absolutely literally, I have a trichotillomania issue, hats are my besties, shhh y'all don't tell anyone my Secret) pull my hair out or anything. The opinions expressed are incredibly civil, everyone is very respectful. Even when you can tell that things are getting a bit intense between differing opinions!

It really helped my anxiety over it to have someone already there, someone who also has some anxiety issues and gets socially overwhelmed, no less, who could tell me that it was a chill place. Maybe knowing that will help you as well! I would totally, and too bluntly, tell you if I felt like it sucked there.

On that same note, if it would make you comfortable enough to join and eventually be able to speak up there, I'd be happy to PM you my discord so you'd know of one person there. Again, as a rather private and less social person, I totally understand if that wouldn't help you, and you can just know that I am, in fact, there.

Because you're right...when you enter any established space, even if people don't treat you that way, you feel like an outsider. They've established roles in the server and friendships with each other, you haven't. It's totally natural to get a clique vibe and be uncomfortable! Making the only way you can get over that really difficult, as that way is to dive in.

Now, again, full honesty, cheery people kind of freak me out lol but the folks in the general chat are pretty welcoming! If you could always respond to them and get some comfort level established by jumping into a recent conversation then, or asking a question that might start a short conversation with them. Like, asking how everyone's day/night has been, or how they're liking the server. Just little, casual questions like that to get someone talking. If you are there when I usually am (overnight, America, CST), it's very slow and quiet, only one to four people are very active then, so it's a great time to interact with fewer people.

Do you enjoy pets? They have a pet channel if so! That's always a great sort of place to make yourself comfortable and meet people in a purely friendly atmosphere. Pet people want to share and talk about their pets, they also want you to share yours. These are positive conversations waiting to happen! If it's your deal, check out this channel, you'll see recent pictures and discussions surrounding the pet(s) in them that you can then add to the conversation on. "Adorable cat! This has to be a cat thing, mine does it too, see -picture of your cat on clean laundry-" If there has been nothing new recently, add a funny or cute picture of your pet or a pet you know that you enjoy.

There are also the "fun stuff" and "self-promo" channels. With the former, you might find a way to join a conversation about something shared or, again, share something in the same vein of humor you see present. The latter, you might end up finding someone sharing their RP blog(s) who you know and didn't realize was in the server as well.

Then, there is the "feedback and questions" channel. I found it easier to just jump in there on a topic that I felt compelled to join in on. The same might happen with you! It's easier for me to speak about something I care about than it is to engage in casual conversation, especially with people I don't know. If you feel the same way, this might be your answer in getting a push to feel comfortable enough to say something.

Again, I very much understand where you're coming from, Anon! Servers in general are not meant for people like me either. They're inherently exclusionary when you have problems functioning and feeling comfortable in those environments...I can't even properly enjoy servers set up by friends when either more than two of them are actively speaking or even a single person is especially "busy" (effusive about something, excited/excitable, etc. none of which are bad things, friends who see this lol y'all know how I am and I appreciate that you love me regardless). I 100% feel you, no judgment here!

If it isn't something you can do, at least you tried, right? You should still feel proud of trying, of caring enough to try. If you try again, it's okay to just lurk quietly and be aware of what is going on, too. For however long you need to. Maybe a topic will spur you into commenting like it did me! If you see something you like, say it. I don't think there is ever enough detailed positive commentary either. Most people just say that they like something, pop up a sticker, etc. and it's good. Having run businesses, sites, forums, blogs, and yeah, discord servers, I know how unhelpful non-detailed positive feedback can be. It's great you like this, but what do you like about it? That is useful application in other things, as well as being something I know I should try not to change in the future flippantly. So, if it's easier for you to establish yourself as existing there by saying something positive, by all means, do that first!

Otherwise, like the concern over leaning too much in the purity direction, no one was nasty to me for giving a different opinion than the more vocal people. It wasn't brushed aside or treated with hostility. No rushed to talk over me or refute anything I said, either. Definitely a less awful environment than tumblr has trained us all to expect!

It is additionally worth noting that I was not the only person in there with a different take. There are people who will politely and respectfully counter issues like "but survivors" and they are engaged with by the developer with just as much interest as the other side. Chances are, you're not the only one who feels the way you do, so long as you're expressing yourself politely, your feedback is welcome and going to be treated as such. It just seems to me that, as on tumblr and twitter, the most vocal and capable of public opining group happens to the purity police.

Probably because the rest of us have had our already present social anxieties and difficulties exacerbated by the purity police at some point or another, making it more difficult for us to speak up. Whereas their experience is being able to run on mob mentality, having their experiences forcing themselves to socialize rewarded. So...maybe not letting the entire phenomenon win is helpful, too?

Whatever you decide to do, whenever you decide to do it, I appreciate that you care enough about your concerns to have tried and even asked for tips on how to try again. That's awesome of you!

#answered #anonymous #rolescape #purity culture #discord servers #general advice

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moonraccoon-exe · 6 years

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I would like to take a moment to extend love to my fellow racoobs. The community you guys have built up around Coonie is amazing. Connie himself is amazing but it takes followers to build a blog. But you aren't just followers. You're friends, even family. No one here is mean or hateful to Coonie or each other. You're positive with Coonie, he's positive right back to you and it spreads like warmth from a fireplace. It's a feedback loop of good feels and I love being part of it! - Breakfast Girl

:’3

I’m sorry that it took me a while to reply, BG buddy, but I’m happy I’m getting the chance to finally reply.

Thank you so, so wholeheartedly much for this BEAUTIFUL entry. First time I read it, like re-reading it, leaves me at loss of words. I don’t truly know what to say or how to say thanks enough. I’m just...sorta overwhelmed? Or just very touched. I’m not sure, maybe both things, one as result of the other, haha!

Ah. Breakfast Girl, buddy. What a...what a beautiful ask. This is one of the prettiest asks I’ve received. It’s just so friendly, positive, and so full of love in some way, maybe not towards me specifically, just loaded of love of your own towards others and in general, and it fills this ask with such a pretty aura. It’s beautiful in so many ways.

Well. I’m sitting here with this loss of words. What do you expect me to say? What do you want me to say? Like you don’t know already that I have no proper way to say thanks, not to something as amazingly incredible as this.... :’)

I’m starting to think you’re doing it on purpose. You’re just too nice to me, and you want to measure how long it takes before i have a brain meltdown from the frustration of not knowing how to thank you enough. That, or a love overdose! Which are you aiming for, BG buddy? How are you so good all the time? Awman I’m just so aopsdjsiofgsd touched :’3

And I just want to say, it’s true. What you’ve said, the main statement. It’s all true.

This blog is what it is not because of me, but because of the followers it has.

Like I told someone else, all I do is be the medium. You people throw the love, I just answer to it. You people seek the comfort, I just give it. I write the tags, but it’s YOU who point them out and laugh at and READ at all. The things I do, it’s really just my own stuff. I just reblog what I see and comment what I think. But all the love and positivity? It’s all you people. I’ve almost never started any conversation; all I do is receive the love then show it to everyone else, and everyone else accept it and spread it back. That’s all I really do.

But the love, it all comes FROM you all. Sure, i play a role in it, but it’d be absolutely NOTHING without you people.

Truth be told, I started reblogging stuff literally thinking “Okay, two promises: no writing fanfics, and no making friends”, due to different reasons. And here i ended up, doing both. Because of YOU.

And honestly if I hadn’t started, I’d have dropped this long ago, and racc’s lair wouldn’t be what it is today. Because if it’s a happy and safe place and there’s amazing people dropping by or just silently reading, it’s because someone dared say a first “Hi”, and all I did was to reply. And this gave confidence to someone else for a second “Hi”, and there I go, just replying. And so on and on, until YOU helped ME build this: a comfy, safe, happy place. :)

What I love most of my raccoobos is how none is mean or “negative” in any way. There are some that may appear with the spirits low, but that doesn’t make them negative or harmful; on the opposite, even someone that drops by to share a problem is, by that act itself, sharing an act of TRUST. Which is positive as it is! So, see, even the sad raccoobos, even the ones that stay quiet and just silently read, they’re not negative. Everyone here is neutral or positive, and I’m not sure how I achieved that, but I sure as heck am happy for it. :’3

I too am super, incredibly grateful that everyone’s always so kind and nice towards me and each other. I’ve never meant to upset anyone, and even the once I did, the anon was not rude about it. Everyone’s always cheering on me, everyone’s always coming to see if I’m okay during my own difficulties, and it’s like one massive family of sorts,indeed.

I’m really puzzled as to how I managed to be surrounded of only positive people, because I know of kind and good people that, despite their good attitudes, still have gotten hate sometime. But not here, and I’m really surprised, but much more pleased and content. There is no space for hatred in this place, but part of it is because there’s not even any hatred to deal with!

It’s amazing. To be honest I didn’t think I’d find such a friendly community as is my raccoobos, because even among the FFXV fandom I see some hatred at times? But my raccoobos specifically, it’s always quiet and peaceful here, and when there’s troubles, it’s only someone going through a rough time and everyone else coming to the rescue. It’s...mindblowing.

I...I truly don’t know what to answer, BG buddy, because you took it all from my thoughts. How- how daRE YOU.

Seriously, though, this just...sums it up perfectly. Sums up the beautiful, kindhearted, most incredible people that follow this blog and make it what it is. Silent ones included.

I couldn’t be any happier about the people following me, and the asks I get, and everything. The treatment is amazing. IT’s incredibly amazing how someone through a screen can feel so comforting, like a physical hug, like such a close friend...and mindblowing that I found an entire community of people like that!! HOOWWWWW!?!?!?!

I don’t know how I was approached by only kindhearted and good people. I don’t know. But I wouldn’t trade that for the world. You people are incredible, and I’m in debt with you all, precisely because you all made and make of the blog what it is. I alone can babble and post all I want, but it’s everyone who makes it what it is. Besides, you’re always there for me, and you’ve made of this safe place the safe place that it is. And that’s...incredible.

It’d be very simple to just keep it a fandom blog, just reblog stuff and post my fics, but you people made of the blog something a thousand times more beautiful. And that’s why I think I’ve got the best bloody inbox of the world, simply, rationally, and logically, because it’s got the BEST damn followers. As simple. :)

Well...Breakfast Girl, buddy, what do you want me to say? This message wasn’t even for me, yet you’ve managed to fill this raccoonie’s racc heart with lots of joy. So how do I thank you? Hahahaha! Ah, see, you’re leaveing me clueless! :’3

Thank you, BG buddy. Thank you, thank you, thank you. All over again, over and over, thank you, thank you, and thank you. This is such an impossibly beautiful ask and I don’t know what to say at all.

Thank you for the message. I hope other dear raccoobos read you, and that they don’t mistake it for a personal ask and scroll past it before reading it. Thank you for holding such a beautiful view and opinion of my blog. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Thank you for speaking so amazingly of the beautiful people I call my raccoobos, and who form this blog’s group of friends and family.

And thank you, above all, most wholeheartedly, for being part of the raccoobos yourself. The blog wouldn’t be the same without any of the raccoobos. Ergo, it wouldn’t be the same without you. ♡

Seriously, thank you so much for sharing this beautiful message. I’ve- I should...say thanks myself sometime soon, because you’re most absolutely right about the raccoobos.

I don’t know what else I can say. My thank yous still don’t feel like enough, but when will they with you? :’)

Thank you, Breakfast Girl, buddy. My most sincere thanks, and know this is a very dear message I’ll have in mind for a very, very, very long time. :3

I hope you’re having a most beautiful day or night, my dear friend.

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proofmyprofession · 4 years

Text

JOURNAL 6 – 15/10/2020 – ON CUBA AND THE INTERNET.

It is nice to read an article written by Danae, as she is standing in front of the class and part of leading this practise. I let my teachers and tutors inspire me a lot. So it is very fascinating to be able to see the work they put out in other areas of life, outside of the classes I am following.

Before reading this, the idea of exploring different cultutures and country’s to see what there is to take from it, what the differences are and how those influence the citizens of an area. What I did do is be an active member of the couchsurfing platform so I have visited and hosted lot’s of people from lot’s of places. And from that I have learned and connected a lot with the people I have met. Especially hosting surfers was a thing I used to do lots before COVID-19 came around. Every single experience was amazing and unique, inspiring and fascinating and I miss it a lot. People doing different kinds of jobs and studies that told me about their educational system, but it never popped up to me to go explore those myself. To let myself be inspired by how education works in different places all over the world.

Danae went there to explore the internet and tech use of the place, and found out how different it was. How people get creative and carefull about the tech and internet time and materials they own and how they upcycle the things they find. For me that’s amazing, as we talked about the black box, they create clear boxes, and are not afraid to dive into the difficulties of tinkering their own devices to something very worthy for them. Giving them the opportunity to use things according to their needs.

It is no secret that smart devices are created in a way that triggers addictive behaviour, they are made to be used a lot. I fell victim to this and I can honestly say that I hate it and it has influences me lots, in a negative way. So to read how people in Cuba manage their use of it and cusomize their products, it is inspiring and makes me enthousiastic. For a time now I have the thought in my head to just leave all my internet and smart devices behind. Or at least get rid of social addictive platforms like YouTube, Netflix and others. To go back to basics and speak to people again, by calling and meeting up, maybe even send mail again?

But I acknowledge that I suffer from the black box here. Like, how am I supposed to know the latest public transport transfers, the railway difficulties, how will I be on time for things? Will I need to buy CD’s again to listen music? Planning would be a lot more challenging and it already is. I have forgotten or probably not even learned how to do those things without the help of smart devices. But it would be nice to be able to, to not depend on the magical black boxes all the time, to know how things work, to gain knowledge and be able to survive even if all those smart devices and internet possibilities fall away. It would be an interesting practise research, aswell how education would work without them, or at least in a different manner that is less dependent. Time is a big issue in this challenge, because it will take lot’s of time to figure out how everything works, to dive into the black box and clear them up, but do we have the time and space for that these days?

There are these expectations, probably because we have such easy access to (re)sources, devices and applications that do shit for you, that make lot’s of more things easy and more fast, so the expectations that come with that is, we can do more and find out more, make more, in less time than without them. If we, or I, want to have more control over (smart) device use and the time and mind consuming effects they have, a balance has to be created. To abe able to use it sometimes, if needed and to speed up and better specific processes, but to keep it in control and not depend or suffer from it. Everything is still very new, remember doctor’s used to promote smoking, and now we aim for a smoke-free-generation? It takes time to adjust and find new ways of maintaining all these innovations. We will get there, let’s at least strive for more clear boxes and take back control over our time, space and minds.

Written by Savanna van der Meij Course: Fine Art and Teacher Training

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thesagedahlia · 4 years

Text

😈Future & his 'future'😈

This will be a long one, so I will try to keep my intro short (but I ramble, so whatever). How do I feel about Future? As a Scorpio man with a Sag dominance, he gives me hoe energy. Already. No offense if that's your make-up. He is also a mutable dominant, & if you know anything about mutable energy, it's flighty, it's everchanging, it 'gets bored quickly'. All that Sag energy, with a Gemini moon (it's polar opposite sign) can make a very conflicting & contradicting nature. If you don't know anything about me.. know I don't like fuck nigga/bitch energy. How do I feel about Eliza Reign? I'm no idiot. I know an 'exchange' when I see one. But darling, I wish you would have known better than to allow this into your life, because it is NOT what your daughter needs. With that said, we need to be more responsible with out eggs & seeds, be if we can't love the person we lay down & have kids with (or just LAY DOWN with, & HOP UP with kids), then those kids won't know the proper way to love with a proper raising (& no, you don't need the father to properly love your kids, but you gotta love twice as hard in that case, & if you can't get with something like that, then I feel sorry because that kind of dedication was never given, nor recieved. But neither here nor there, not my business nor place to judge, another convo for another day. Now how do I feel about Future & Lori Harvey...run, sis. He won't change, & all you'll be is another BM. Get out while you still can.

**DISCLAIMER**

I am not declaring, nor am I insinuating, that anything I say in my predictions are true accounts of any of the parties involved. This reading is for entertainment purposes only, & should only taken as such. All in good fun, folks 🤷🏾‍♀️🧿

😈What was the relationship between Future & Eliza Reign?😈

They actually have been dealing with one another for some time, before Eliza got pregnant. Future is the type to play mind games, & he manipulated the situation, however in a way where he would never claim that he was dealing with her. She was actually paid a pretty penny to keep things civil with her, or even 'for her services'. Ultimately Future never made things clear for her, but he was a charmer. I do believe, however, they were dealing with one another up until she announced her pregnancy, also meaning he cut her off afterwards. He was 'the magician' the situation, a trickster, but I feel like the victory was lost for him when he found out about the pregnancy. I feel he is already in a financial workhorse situation, because he has other children with other women, even though he takes his sweet time getting back to them as well. I also feel like he is aware of the fact that he is ducking this woman, but this could be because he believes everything to be a rumor. Eliza has come to a place of acceptance of not being as close to Future as she had hoped, & she is suffering with the heartache in silence. Knowing what she knew when it came to Future, even in the very beginning however, she still decided to entertain him, even though she knew it was nothing serious or that it will end the way that it ultimately did. Why? Financial opportunities. It has become an emotional challenge for her, but I feel she was ultimately cut out by way of an ultimatum; basically being cool with the terms & dealing with Future or being alone. I also feel like she has had to deal with other women that has dealt with Future, or his baby mamas. This other woman seems to be loyal to their situation, & she seems to be reactive off of her emotions, though this seems to be leaving obstacles & challenges on Future, having to deal with much conflict, major sacrifice, & past resentment. For Eliza, this was an emotional challenge for her & much drama. The choice she made was to come out of isolation after finding out she was pregnant, but Future as completely removed himself from the situation by this time. Eliza may have felt as though she couldn't come forward because of the hate train that would soon follow, but I feel she was guided to do so. I feel like regardless of the feedback she would get, she was still confident that she would be able to have a case & still had plans to move forward.

😈What were Eliza Reign's intentions with Future?😈

I feel like Eliza was very intuitive when it came to dealing with Future. She was well aware of the treatment; which seemed to be generosity in turn for pleasure. I don't think she predicted her own outcome for all of this, but to her, she was strictly around because she wanted to be. However it ended, she was going to fight against the backlash & stand up for herself. She would also accept all that is regarding the situation, in whatever way that would have been. I feel like she intended to gain clout from dealing with Future, though she also wanted material gain with him, but dealing with him is an unconventional way of life & I think he was already searching, as he possesses heartbreaker tendencies. He was fully involved with someone else (either he jump off or a BM) which caused Eliza to be casted off to the side. I feel like she knew she would become an outcast based off the fact that she doesn't need embarrassments or unwanted ties to certain women, but she's aware he always had other hoes. That didn't stop her however, because she was willing to be invested by him; she kind of had more of an emotional approach to their involvement, which became a disadvantage. Future was negative energy, but she was still a willing participant up until they became estranged from one another. I think that now, her intentions are to get support of her child because she is sure of her contact with Future, thus came about the lawsuit.

😈Future's feeling toward Eliza + the lawsuit?😈

Future doesn't believe Eliza has genuine intentions. He feel she is scorn after he stopped dealing with her. He also believes she tried to trap him, & is only after him for money/material gain. He really wants to be released from this situation/lawsuit because it is going to be a nightmare dealing with another child support check/BM. He has been doing all he can to skip out on the responsibility. He's seeing that being involved with Eliza was a bad choice on his part, & he would rather not have dealt with her at all. He is really fighting on not to have to pay her, & it may be a little on the side of not being sure about if her daughter is his. He didn't even want to have to deal with any of this in the public eye. His feelings are very clear cut; he doesn't want to have to pay her a dime. He also doesn't trust her & feel she's trying to manipulate the situation into her favor. He feels it is all speculation at this point. I do feel, however, if he was sure about the child's paternity, he wouldn't have a choice; he is fiercely fighting that possibility as much as possible. I feel like he would step up, in reluctance, to help support the child, but not any soon before he is sure that she is his child. He doesn't have any love for Eliza, in fact he thinks she's a manipulator, but he would come around to filling his responsibility. I feel he will be willing to claim the child once it is proven that he is, & when he becomes more comfortable with the idea of dealing with Eliza. It would be especially hard for him to coparent in that regard as well.

😈Does Future believe the baby girl is his?😈

He's aware of her 'type of woman' & he does believe she could be trying to stick the baby on him. If she is his, he would suck it up & handle his responsibility, but I don't think he truly believes he's the father, in fact he truly believes he isn't. I feel like he has trouble opening up to the idea of being the dad. He will be loyal to the child if it comes out that he is, but he honestly doesn't know; like I said before, he was hoping that this was all going to go away. He is aware that he is going to have to take this one to the chin, but it will make him uncomfortable. This will be conflicting to him, but he will be forced to step up to the plate whether he likes it or not.

😈Is there a possibility that Eliza's daughter is NOT Future's?😈

Not trying to be messy....but yes; this is giving me the energy that there is confusion around the paternity of the baby. Things honestly look deeper than what they appear on the surface, in fact, per her lifestyle, she has come in contact with more than just Future around the time of conception. Eliza seems to be a little cunning in this situation, because just as Future is unsure, she isn't sure either. Her strategy was to allow the information (or knowledge) of pregnancy to be enough to draw Future back to pay his dues. Truth be told, she was aware of the situation she was in, prior to claiming Future to be the father. Eliza is aware that this was something she created & she is focused on taking care of her daughter in spite of the paternity figure (whoever it may be). Being unsure has caused her distress and stress as well.

😈Outcome of the Lawsuit?😈

I feel like more secrets or incriminating information will continue to come up in this case, & a lot of it feels like revelation; things coming to the light. Future also knows he's in hot shit if he doesn't heed the warnings of the judge. I feel like Future is going to have difficulties in fulfilling his responsibilities, & it is going to financially drain him. I feel these are worries if he is the father. He is very much nervous about being dominated by these challenges of this case, but he will get to a point where he would put forth the effort that he has lacked in the past. If it comes back that he is the father, he will step up to the plate, but he is reluctant to do so. There is a lot of uncertainty surrounding the paternity of the baby too. Until that gets cleared up, there will never be a clear resolution in court. Future is 50/50 in regards to the child, but he would be more so loyal to the child than to Eliza, in fact he feels dealing with her would be a nightmare. His mindset is he isn't putting forth anything that he shouldn't be, which has got him into a lot of trouble. I feel like Future has been keeping tabs/a close eye on Eliza by way of people she knows. He is forced to bring forth balance, even though it has been conflicting to fulfill. I feel Future didn't want to open up to this, but I feel he will be putting forth minimal effort, but I'm not sure if he will respond to the judge in time. I feel a fire is lit under him in order to produce something of substance to the courts, but he is well aware that aside from all he puts forth, this case can still be in favor, or to his detriment. I feel like this would create complications to his relationships with his other women (besides Lori), but I feel they both don't trust one another, & would rather not deal with 1 another, & Eliza only wants him to take care of his possible responsibility. Future's time to respond is ticking, he may either make it in time or he will be able to convince the court for more time to produce DNA test. DEVELOPMENTS PENDING.

😈What is the energy between Lory Harvey & Future?😈

I feel like we are being deceived a bit when it comes to some things. Case in point, I don't think Future & Lori seemed to be going through an off and on energy. I feel like there is a hope here that the connection will work, but it has already been somewhat of a burden trying to keep it together. I feel like as much as they enjoy being in each other's company, it is starting to become much of a nuisance. I feel like they already took some distance or some sort of a break from one another, & it is a situation that seemed to occur in the past that was full of drama and conflict. I feel like they also have problems regarding finances, where they could have been blowing a lot of money together. I feel like a lot of their conflict is in regards to the reason they supposedly got married, & it may have been a pregnancy scare. I feel that there is a possibility that Lori could conceive with Future, but it may have happened before the 'marriage' announcement/rumor. I feel like the reason they separated is because of the possibility of this as well; I don't think Future was initially pleased. It really feels like they aren't in as much contact then when they first began 'dating'. However, I feel like Future may be keeping to himself for now. I feel like this possibility is a desire of a Lori's, & Future may be feeling the pressure behind it. I feel like Future could feel a way toward Lori, but I feel he has ulterior motives when it comes to the relationship. With that said, I don't think he would be open to having another child/BM. I also feel he is worried of this information getting to any of his other BMs, as well as the rest of the world, for the time being. I feel like Lori is wanting a family, Future is seeing this as in obstacle. There is much hope in Lori's mind, while this is kind of stressful for Future, but their true information of this is uncertain. I feel like Lori was also hopeful that Future was going to be open to the idea, which may start to be revealed to her as the opposite. I feel a lot of suspicion coming from Future as well, & he is contemplating his investment of marriage with Lori, & I feel he will come to resent it in the long run. I feel like other women is coming up as conflict for him as well. I feel his suspicion regarding her being pregnant is causing him to be defensive & have a guard up. Future doesn't feel the passion in this opportunity because of the conflict that it has created. He feels himself wanting to be isolated, & wanting to move away from the situation from her. I feel once he gets bored or dissatisfied, he will want to find happiness elsewhere. I think Lori is going to start seeing flaws in their relationship, if she hasn't already seen it. I feel under the surface, they aren't necessarily stable enough to allow for that level of commitment for so long. Future may have made a lot of promises that I don't feel he will be able to fulfill. I feel like a lot of their ways of getting noticed is a strategy. I also feel like their efforts to keep the relationship balance don't seem to hold off the disharmony for too long. I think it is also a strategy for the deeper workings of their relationship to not get out into the world.

😈Are Lori Harvey & Future married?😈

Short answer, no. Future isn't in that frame of mind, even though Lori is waiting for him to make that kind of real gesture to her. I think, IF they do, they may actually get married after he is done dealing with the courts. I also see that, if that happens, one of Future's BMs will come & try to sabotage it. I feel like there is one BM in particular (besides Eliza) that has been trying to expose this relationship. I don't see any of them pleased to be honest, but one in particular may come out of the wood work to try and humiliate Future/the relationship with Lori in some way. Future's excuse to Lori is that he had a lot going on, but it feels he is being pressure to propose/marry. Future isn't even thinking about proposing to Lori, however he feels she is 'something to invest in', so to speak. I think he feels like they will be dealing with one another for a while (I say 8 months tbh), but he is not expecting to marry Lori. Meanwhile, Lori may be waiting, to ultimately become bored by the relationship (I give her 7 months to express her disdain). She doesn't expect to last very long, let alone get married. Mutually, they don't feel the need to buy into what the world has to say. I feel like Future has other things he's focused on then to think about marriage. Lori could have even been the one to enforce it they are married, but it's in no seriousness.

😈Lori's feelings toward Future?😈

It feels like he hasn't done much to put forth to claiming the relationship in conflicting situations. I feel like they had some drama, which could have involved Future's other women, & he kept putting her through deceptive situations, & has yet to officially 'man up' about their relationship. He has continue to entertain other women throughout their relationship. I feel like she looks to Future to do more to solidify what they have going on to other people, but he still has other women he deals with on the side. I don't think she takes him a serious anymore because of this, yet they still continue to be back-and-forth. I feel like Lori has a problem with people affiliated with Future (side chicks, BMs, etc.) which causes her lot of drama. She also is reluctant to get pregnant by him, but she is being reckless in dealing with him altogether. She is well aware that Future isn't necessarily responsible in their relationship, for her main issue is that she isn't the main/number one girl to him; she basically wants him all to herself. I feel like he may be losing his appeal to her, & she feels like she is sick of the drama & BS that comes with being involved with him. He isn't a productive person within a relationship, & I feel the only way they bond is through sex, in her opinion. She hasn't really been pleased with him lately.

😈Future feelings toward Lori Harvy?😈

He feels it's been difficult to really settle down with her, manly because he isn't really ready to settle down with one person. He hasn't been straight up with her & has kind of been leading her on the whole time (shocker). Whatever delays that has been happening within their relationship were purposely delayed in action by way of Future's reluctance. I also think a big issue with him is that he doesn't want to have a baby with Lori, so I feel he has been flighty when it comes to fulfilling relationship responsibility. He isn't in a position to be a man who is settled down; he has some conflict with this, & he is being deceptive to her & the connection out of rebellion. It was fun & games to deal with Lori at first because the relationship it wasn't really about anything serious, but now that he is playing russian roulette with her ovaries, he's become somewhat reckless (not that he wasn't already) I don't think Future is being cautious about how he is dealing with his women, but he is pretty much actively taking control over them. I feel his fire for Lori is going out as well, because he already seems to be dealing with other people, & I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't have any shame about it.

😈Outcome of the relationship + what could end it?😈

I see Future's financial/legal woes starting to get the better of him, & this could become a wrench in his plans; to spoil Lori, really. I feel he is thinking to reapproach & possibly compromise/collaborate with a woman who is claiming financial investments for their pregnancy (to save time, we'll say this is Eliza). His biggest worry is that this suit doesn't drain him financially, because it is already a strain on him. He's also embarrassed by the way all of this has played out in front of the whole world. I feel them laying low together, but I feel the need to make the right decision & choosing it wisely. He definitely feels like he may make a decision to take a break from the relationship in order to do with his financial/legal issues. It's beginning to get a lot bigger mentally for him. He may just take time away from dealing with Lori to get himself straight, because he may need to get organized, or he's just delaying the inevitable changes he'd have to deal with. I feel there may be a pregnancy scare for Lori, & I feel like he may choose to be alone for when this happens. I also see him wanting to isolate himself a lot even from the possibility to slip up (because he's THAT irresponsible). He may become a lot more defensive or on edge, & his paranoia is going to prompt him to withdraw. I felt tensions will build if it comes out that she is in fact pregnant, because Future doesn't plan on sticking around. In fact, hes worried about having to be forced to fund another child financially. He is bound to repeat negative patterns & setting off that examples. I feel like if she IS pregnant, it may be an option to terminate the pregnancy (touchy subject, but I'm only reading with the card say) because of Future's reluctance & inability to want a baby. If she decides to keep the baby, we won't see her for the duration of her pregnancy, & she would probably be thinking to approach it in a different way. Not only that, she is going to be going through pain & betrayal behind the scenes with Future, & he will be even more of a manipulative person with her, if & when her (possible) pregnancy goes public. In short they will be fine, as long as she doesn't keep any pregnancies.

😈BONUS QUESTIONS😈

😈Is Future BROKE?😈

It's not that he's broke....he has a lot of legal issues that he has a difficult time meeting the wishes of the courts. To be fair, these BMs aren't letting up on him. I see women coming forward saying they are having his baby. It's going to be a lot coming at him financially, & they feel like women who aren't pleased with him (another shocker). He's going to have negative light shed on him again on how he isn't paying his dues as much. As much as he will make money, it will be requested of him at the courts as well. I see this coming out in the public, but it will possibly be a woman that lives at distance from where he is; it will also further drain his pockets. So I won't say that he's broke, rather he doesn't make enough for what he has to put back out.

😈Is Eliza 'doing everything for clout'?😈

There are ways she is able to take care of her daughter, but she feels it to be a disservice that he doesn't do anything to help out, & she's seen this happen before to other women. I feel she would rather not have all of the attention on her, but making noise would probably be the only reason the case is being looked at. She could care less if Future wants to silence her either. She would rather not deal with the other women or stress herself out of trying to coparent, because she would rather get her money & mind her business. She does want to bring attention to the truth about the situation; that truth being he isn't claiming Eliza or her baby. She wants him to have the choice to know the paternity, if it is his baby & he would like to be in her life, but she wants to have a peace of mind & some help in supporting her. She definitely feels it would be an issue with (some of) his BMs when it comes to a blended family, so she doesn't want to even be bothered with that either. She'd rather reach a compromise with Future, even though she isn't counting in it.

😈Will Eliza get what she asks for in child support?😈

In all honesty, the amount she asked for may not be what she gets. I feel it might actually be lowered. There is still a matter of paternity, so whether or not she will get a check is currently unclear, but as of right now a negotiation is still taking place.

😈Is Lori Harvey pregnant?😈

I don't see pregnancy for her at this time but I do see some hurt around if she were to get pregnant she doesn't feel she will get support from future I feel she wants to be careful in that regard in a way Laurie doesn't want to bring any issues into what they have going on and she respects his preference not to have kids or embarrass him I also feel like she already has his BMs; it feels like 3 of them are trouble out of the 5, but 1 in particular he still deals with taunts Lori with still having close ties to Future (the type that be like 'I still talk to him', 'he just left my house', 'how my pussy taste?' ass BM). She wouldn't feel at all welcome to his 'tribe'. It is a possibility that it can still happen if she isn't careful, but I don't feel it for her right now.

😈Does Future 'sleep around' on Lori Harvey?😈

He does. It is usually when they aren't together (like when either of them are removed from one another, by way of distance or time), but yes, he has flings as well as a 'favorite BM'. I actually feel like they broke up a little bit because of that, & I don't think their relationship was the same after. To put it plainly he has 'community dick'.

Now, let's let this marinate & watch it unfold 👀

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blustersquall · 7 years

Text

Only Make Believe // Chapter 12: The Weight of Words

Please be advised that tumblr no longer allows posts with links to outgoing sites to appear in tags. So, to try and get around this, you can read this fic on AO3 by clicking on the source link at the bottom of the post. Alternatively, you can find the master post on my blog, with links to all chapters on tumblr, AO3, and ffnet. [Though, ffnet is having some technical difficulties right now, and won’t let me upload the chapter, so it might be a day or so before it’s up on ffnet]

December 21st

Cullen reclined on to couch, mug of coffee in hand. His laptop was open in front of him on the coffee table, the light of the webcam shining a steady green. Though there was no one on the opposite camera visible, Cullen could hear two lowered voices off screen.

"It's your publisher," one said, female with a distinctive accent.

"Tell her I'm not here," the second voice, male and impatient. "Better yet, tell her I died."

"Varric!" the female voice growled. "You can't avoid her forever."

"Yes, I can," Varric retorted. Cullen smirked to himself hearing the exchange. "Just... tell her I'll call her back. Please, Cassandra?"

Cassandra sighed heavily off screen. "Fine," she snapped. "But next time, I'm just going to hand you the phone and not tell you who it is."

"Sounds great." Varric was sometimes frustratingly cheerful and glib. Given how short Cassandra's temper could be, Cullen wondered just how their relationship worked so well and how the two of them didn't drive each other crazy. As it was, they'd been together almost eighteen months and showed no signs of boring each other or of any cracks in their relationship. Cullen was glad of it. They worked well, and they cared about each other. Though they would both declare the contrary if confronted with it.

Varric's face appeared on screen and he sat back in his seat. "Sorry about that Curly."

"Avoiding your responsibilities again, Varric?" Cullen smirked.

"For as long as I can," Varric replied with a wry smile.

He was older than Cullen but by how much Cullen wasn't certain, he had never asked - but age had not dulled the sharpness of Varric's mind or tongue. A was a writer by trade, on the best sellers list, and one of the few friends Cullen was still in contact with from Kirkwall, while he was stationed there Varric was almost always around during the week. He had been on friendly terms with a large number of Cullen's squad and for the first few years, Cullen's reception to Varric was icy, cool at best. Somehow, through events that involved drinking and Cullen had tried to blank from his memory, Varric became Cullen's closest friend for a long time.

It was through Varric he met Cassandra. The two of them were instrumental in the relief effort for Kirkwall following the explosion, and they both helped Cullen get back on his feet after his discharge and the events that followed. He was indebted to them. He considered them as close as his own family, despite the distance.

"You really need to get an assistant," remarked Cullen. "Or at least pay Cassandra to avoid your publisher for you."

"I pay her with love and sneak previews," Varric said, his grin increasing. "What more does she want?"

Rolling his eyes, Cullen laughed into his mug. He took a swallow of coffee, placed the mug on the table and leaned forward. "You're terrible."

"I know, I know," sighed Varric. "A burden I must bear." He looked momentarily remorseful, before a wicked smile lit up his face. "Anyway, enough about me. Tell me about this girl."

"There's nothing to tell," Cullen shrugged. "She's a client. A friend."

"Oh, come on Curly." Varric shook his head. "You're calling in a favour to get her a copy of her favourite book. She's got to be more than a client or a friend."

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why does she need to be more than a client or a friend? Can't I just do something nice for someone who I think deserves it?" asked Cullen, his voice becoming a little sharper and his defences rising. He was only just beginning to figure out how to put some distance between himself and Nevena so his tumultuous feelings towards her could calm down. He did not need Varric riling him or those feelings up by baiting him.

"I'm not judging, Curly," Varric lifted his hands in defence. "Sorry if I touched a nerve."

Cullen breathed through his nose, trying to relax. "It's fine."

"Is she there?"

"If she was, do you think we'd be having the conversation?"

"I guess not." Varric nodded. "Well, the book is on its way to you as we speak. I sent it off today, airmail. Should be delivered right to the cabin door tomorrow afternoon, sometime."

"Thank you, Varric," Cullen half smiled. "She'll really love it. I owe you."

Varric waved a dismissive hand. "Nah, we're square." He paused for a moment. Cullen watched him purse his lips and fiddle with a gold earring hanging off his right ear. "Not going to tell me anything about her, huh? This girl whose favourite book is the first one I wrote?"

"Why so curious?"

"Not a lot of my readers even remember 'The Viper's Nest'. It's kind of nostalgic to know someone out there still likes it," explained Varric with a slow, lingering smile. "She like the other ones?"

"Actually... I don't think so." Cullen frowned, thinking back to that early morning conversation where he found her reading at the kitchen table. "She didn't say she disliked them, I just think she liked 'The Viper's Nest' more."

"Oh," Varric's brow furrowed. "Did she say why?"

Cullen shrugged, "No."

"Maybe I should ask her."

"I haven't told her I know you. I didn't want her to get over excited, or something like that. I know how much you value your privacy."

"Oh please," scoffed Varric. "I'm an open book - no pun intended. And it would be nice to hear the opinion of a genuine fan of my early work."

"You hate being critiqued."

"I hate being critiqued by critics," Varric said. "If an actual fan were to give me their feedback in a decent way, not in one-hundred-and-forty-characters of abuse on twitter, then I'd be more than happy to listen." He snorted. "I might even take on some of what she says."

Cullen laughed, "Maybe when the oceans freeze over."

Varric moved on screen, turning his attention to another monitor Cullen knew he used to keep up pages of notes and research when he was writing. There was the sound of fingers on the keyboard and few mouse clicks.

"What's her name again?"

Lifting a brow, Cullen leaned back. "Why?"

"I want to check I spelled it right inside the book." Varric shot him a look. "Why do you think?"

"Sure, Varric." Cullen gave an exasperated bark of laughter but spelled out Nevena's name for him regardless. Varric went quiet for a minute or two. In that time, Cullen checked his emails and started to type a reply to his sister, who was berating him about not being available to come to her house for Christmas. The past few years, he had spent the day with his siblings and their families. Since their parents died, the four of them were closer than they ever were as children. Cullen felt a pang of guilt for the fact he would not be there. He had already apologized, but another would not go amiss, and he promised Mia he would come stay for a weekend in January to make it up to her.

"She's cute," Varric remarked. His comment caused Cullen to look up from his email. "Pretty."

Cullen squinted at the webcam and therefore, Varric, "You've googled her, haven't you? Are you stalking her on Facebook or something?"

"No, nothing like that." Again, Varric waved a dismissive hand. "Just wanted to know what she looked like. I didn't realise she was one of those Trevelyan's."

"Neither did I," Cullen groaned. He ran a hand across his face, rolling his thumb and forefinger along his brow. "I'd never heard of them until she told me."

"They're not exactly celebrities," Varric explained. A few clicks of a mouse and his attention returned fully to Cullen. "I met Nevan and Katrin at a charity event about a year ago. Weird people. Very, uh..." Cullen waited; it was rare for Varric to be at a loss for words. "Very intense."

"That's one way to put it," Cullen laughed heartily and ran his hands back through his hair. "Honestly, Varric these people... Her family are..." He leaned his head back, shaking it while staring at the ceiling. "It's astounding that she's related to them. She's nothing like them. And given some of things she endured... I'm amazed she's as kind as she is."

"Oh?"

"Right now, she's out in Edgehall with her older sister," Cullen sat up. "An older sister who has tormented her for years and who, in no uncertain terms, despises her. And she's with her because she wants to do right by her niece who, according to Nevena, 'is feeling unloved'."

"Sounds like she's a nice person."

"She's is. She's more than nice." After rubbing his chin and stubble, Cullen grabbed his coffee and drained the last few mouthfuls. "These people, Varric. You should meet them. I would love for you and Cassandra to meet them and see how horrific they are."

"All of them?" asked Varric.

"No, not all of them... The kids seem great, and one or two of the husbands are nice. I'm still on the bench about one sister. But the parents - fuck, the parents." With a sigh, Cullen placed his mug on the table. He was on a roll, letting go of all the comments he was keeping tightly contained. "Her mother is something out of a horror story, I swear. She threatened Nevana with a pole to straighten her posture at dinner, like she's five-year-old! Who does that to their adult daughter?"

"Someone with expectations," Varric snorted. "My parents had the same of me." That had a poor relationship with his parents was common knowledge to most of his close friends. It was a topic Varric often used to make off-handed comments or to deflect. Through their long friendship, Cullen had never heard Varric discuss his parents seriously. Perhaps he did in private, with Cassandra, but for the most part Varric's past was something he kept very close to his chest.

"The two older sisters, as they were digging their claws in, no one told them to back off. In fact, it was like everyone else was pretending it wasn't happening."

"You didn't though, right?" asked Varric. "You jumped in Mister knight-in-shining armour?"

"Sadly not... I was just in shock. I didn’t know what to say, and when I thought of something I decided against it, in case it made matters worse." Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. "Honestly, she's a great girl. Given everything she's dealt with and things I suspect she's experienced... That she is a warm hearted and kind person is a testament to how strong and resilient she actually is." He sighed, flopping back onto the sofa. "She just doesn't believe it herself. She actually thinks she's a terrible person."

"Uh huh..." Varric's tone drawled out and there was a distinct smugness to his voice. Cullen arched a brow at the laptop screen. "Tell me again how she's just a friend and a client? Certainly sounds like that's the extent of your relationship and your feelings towards her."

"Shut it," retorted Cullen, rolling his eyes. "We're friends. Adding anything else to this... It would make things more complicated.”

"’More complicated’? Meaning... you've thought about acting on you--"

"Varric."

"Sorry, Curly," Varric smirked. "Just want to look out for you. You know if things get too shitty there you can take the tunnel under the Waking Sea, or a ferry, and come to Kirkwall for Christmas and New Year. You never did reply to the invite me and Cass sent out."

"I know," groaned Cullen sitting up. His back twinged, a small reminder of his tumble on the ice a few days previous. "I'm sorry. I was in a rush when I was arranging all of this." Cullen suddenly felt tired and weary. Everything was getting confused again.

Who was he kidding? Everything was always confused. His talk with Nevena the night before was just to protect himself, and her. He didn't want to get involved beyond their arrangement, he didn't know what doing that would mean, or what it might entail. He didn't want to get hurt. He didn't want to hurt her. He cared for her. He told himself putting a figurative wall up between them, setting barriers and boundaries was for the best. It would prevent things from going any further. It didn't matter. The night before all he could think about as he tried to fall asleep was the kiss in the kitchen and knowing that she slept in another room, with only a door between them. He wondered if Nevena had thought about the kiss as she tried to fall asleep, too. If she’d struggled to sleep as much as he had.

Cullen wasn't sure what was happening. He'd never experienced a sudden loss of sense when it came to love before. With women in the past, it was always gradual before his feelings began to stir. Dates upon dates, phone calls, and text conversations of getting to know one another. Cullen prided himself on rarely, if ever, giving into base instinct and desire. Falling hard and fast for someone was unknown and uncharted territory, and it didn't help that he wasn't sure if it was real or not.

"Varric," he groaned pushing his face into his hands. "Do you think I'm in over my head?"

"Possibly," Varric said. "But you should ride it out. You might be surprised with the outcome."

"Nice and vague," laughed Cullen. "Thanks."

"That's what I'm here for. Now," Varric clapped his hands together, "aside from my book, which is an amazing gift admittedly, what else have you bought your friend-client?"

"Nothing?" Cullen shrugged his shoulders, meeting Varric's eyes through the webcam. "I thought the book would be enough."

"No, Curly. No," Varric shook his head like a concerned uncle. "The book is a great gift, don't get me wrong. And I'm not just saying that as the author, but you can't give her something that personal in front of her family."

"Why not?"

"You just can't, okay. Don't fight me on this, trust me. I know what I’m taking about."

"Okay, okay." Cullen relented. "So, what, get her something else?"

"Not a thing. A few things." Varric hummed thoughtfully. "You don't want anything that's going to overshadow the book, but get her a few things that will go over well. Hollow gifts, y'know? Sweets she likes. Something for her apartment. If you're feeling daring and want to give the impression to her family everything is great between you, lingerie."

"I am not buying her underwear," Cullen growled, hoping the camera did not pick up the way his cheeks flared. "I don't even know what size she'd be."

Varric chuckled, rubbing his hands together in a gleeful way that put Cullen on edge. "Just, take my advice, get her some small things that are pretty basic. Nice smelling soap or something. Or just joke gifts."

"I'll do that." Cullen reached towards the lid of his laptop. "I'll go now."

"Great idea." Varric leaned back in his chair. "I should probably call my publisher back anyway..."

"Thanks for sending the book, Varric. I'll let you know how it goes over."

"You better." Varric shot him a look. "And, seriously Cullen." The tone of his voice gave Cullen pause as he was closing the laptop. "If you need to get out of there, my place is always open. The invite for New Year stands. And that extends to your friend-client-not-girlfriend."

Touched, Cullen smiled, "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

"Good." Varric waved briefly. "Let me know how the book goes down. Talk later, Curly."

"Bye, Varric."

Cullen shut his laptop and got to his feet. He quickly smoothed his hands through his hair and over his shirt, easing away wrinkles in the clothing. After a quick glance around, he found his set of keys to the cabin, his phone, wallet, and car keys. He piled them up on the table in the kitchen paused, staring hard at the door to the bedroom.

It wouldn't be considered snooping if he was looking for ideas for small gifts, would it? And really, as long as he didn't move anything, Nevena would never know he'd been in the bedroom. He chewed his lip and the inside of his cheek for several moments before breathing in deeply and striding towards the room. A brief look, to get a few ideas, he wouldn't touch anything.

As he turned the door handle he half expected Nevena to walk in the front door and catch him. Even though his intentions were innocent, his stomach was near his feet as he inched the door open and peered inside. He had only seen the bedroom once, when he and Nevena first arrived. It was the largest room in the cabin, aside from the main living area. The focus was the large double bed in the middle. Made of wood, it looked like some kind of sleigh from the way it was carved. The bedding was a soft duck-egg blue, complimented by walls of a similar colour. There were pictures of landscapes hung on the wall and a large double window that opened out onto the road and pathway leading up to the cabin itself.

Though Cullen did not know what to expect, he was surprised to find the room as tidy as it was. For some reason, he expected Nevena to keep things in an organised chaos - this was... neat. The bed was made, and the covers pulled back to let them air. Sitting in the middle of the bed were two cuddly toys, a dinosaur of some description and a bright cobalt blue manta ray. Cullen smirked looking at them, finding it endearing Nevena brought them all the way from home. Her pyjamas were folded on the mattress, glasses on a night stand, sitting beside her tablet.

Pyjamas would be too personal, and he was already getting a book shipped in, so another book was out of the question. He went to the dressing table where various items were laid out. A make-up bag, several different hair brushes. He wasn't getting many clues and went to the bathroom to get an idea what she liked to use on her skin.

The en suite bathroom was really a large shower room, all tiled walls with smart, warm stones, a silver shower head the size of a dinner plate was suspended from the ceiling. The floor sloped slightly in one corner so the water all ran down to the plug hole, there was a screen between the shower and the sink, but that was it. In the shower cubicle, Cullen examined the shower gel on the floor. Bright yellow, spicy smelling with an underlying sweetness. Not an offensive smell at all, and one Cullen had grown accustomed to, being around Nevena and was sure he would recognise if he needed to. He glanced at the label to see if it was named.

“Loveswept Sunset…” he read and laughed to himself. “Are you kidding me? Sounds like something Varric would name one of his books. Who comes up with this stuff…”

It wasn't much, but it was something to keep in mind. He left the bedroom, closing the door securely behind him. After picking up his bits from the table and taking his jacket off the coat hooks by the door, Cullen went quickly to his car and began the journey to Edgehall. He hoped he might luck out and some random items might jump out at him. He'd never been particularly imaginative when it came to gift giving, but whatever he bought now, he knew the book would make up for it.

[Quick note for those of a sensitive nature, there are some mentions of panic/anxiety attacks, some hints at physical sibling abuse, and minor mentions of injury, so please be warned. It’s not graphic, but be warned].

Nevena patted her satchel as she set it down on the ground beside her. Inside was Cullen's gift and while it was sturdy and heavy, she didn't want it to get scuffed or damaged in any way, so she was being particularly careful with it. Ineria sat opposite her, stirring sugars into her coffee while tutting at her phone, mumbling about one thing or another.

They'd been in Edgehall together for almost four hours, and despite the rift in their relationship and the confrontation only two nights before, things were cordial between them. Cordial but cool. It was about as good as their relationship ever got. Nevena had learned never to expect an apology from Ineria as children and now was no different. There was not even a whisper of an apology or admittance of guilt for her behaviour that evening. Nevena knew Ineria well enough to know she'd likely brush it under the carpet for now, and bring it up again when it suited her.

Edgehall was busy as the Christmas day approached and shopping days diminished. The market was still going strong but Ineria's needs took them into the small shopping centre situated in the middle of the town. Made up of two floors, most of the shops were a part of large chains. There were gaudy Christmas lights hanging over head, with tinsel, and sparkling glass snowflakes while over the Tannoy system Christmas songs were played on repeat. Nevena was sure she heard the same one play five times in an hour and would be glad when they left.

Despite her going into Edgehall the day before and buying more than enough food, Ineria was still grabbing things left and right. Every shop they walked past, Ineria peered in the window, hummed, went in, spoke to the frazzled sales assistants and if they could not accommodate her, she demanded to speak to a manager while Nevena cringed in the background, often mouthing ‘sorry’ to the employee durrently under duress. She wasn't sure how Ineria did it. It was like she was not in possession of shame. She lacked the empathy and patience required for the Christmas season and the stress those people working were under. If she was not able to obtain what she wanted, it was someone else's fault and she threatened to complain. Every shop they left, Ineria came out with a voucher or promise of good will.

Nevena was beginning to wonder how many of these people knew Ineria by reputation. A small community like Edgehall, and a problem customer like Ineria, news was bound to travel. Nevena kept her mouth shut, even if she wanted to step in on multiple occasions. She wanted to keep Ineria calm and receptive for when she approached the subject of Matilda, and getting in the way while she was laying into some poor temporary member of Christmas staff was not the way to do it.

When they stopped at one of the various chain coffee shops, Nevena was glad for the rest. She stretched her legs out and turned her glass of water around in her hands while waiting for Ineria to get whatever she was ordering. The night before Nevena had made a few bullet points, topics she wanted to mention to Ineria about Matilda and quickly went over them. Even as Ineria sat down, Nevena checked over her talking points on her phone, trying to memorize them so she could be more confident.

"Successful trip," Ineria remarked. She never looked directly at Nevena for too long, preferring to glance around and watch passersby. "We'll have these and go back to Haven. You can help me start prepping for Christmas Eve."

Nevena bit her tongue to stop from commenting. Never a request, always an order. "Sure," she said, clenching her jaw. She took a sip of water. "Ineria, I need to talk to you about something."

"If it's about the other night, don't worry about it," Ineria said, breezily, smiling. "I accept your apology without you having to make it. You always do like to make a scene."

"Uh..." Nevena squeezed her hands around her glass. "That wasn't..." A pause. It wasn't worth getting into. "It's about Matilda," she said slowly. "I want to talk about Matilda."

That got Ineria's attention. Her sharp gaze snapped to Nevena and she placed her coffee cup down in the saucer in such a deliberately slow way, Nevena was sure it was done in an attempt to frighten her somehow. Ineria dabbed her mouth with a paper napkin. "What about Matilda?" Her voice was tight and her tone sharp. Nevena's stomach grew heavy. She knew she was stepping on sensitive ground.

"Yesterday while we were baking, we were chatting about school." Nevena began, keeping her tone calm and as non-confrontational as possible. "She's said some things that are… well, they’re a bit troubling."

"What things?" Ineria asked primly. "If it's about the school play, I already know."

"You do?"

"Yes." Ineria sighed with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "I went to the principle about it and got her the bigger part she deserved. My daughter is too good for chorus, just like I was. The girl who had the part initially began to cause Matilda trouble, and I went and dealt with it. It's fine now."

Nevena laughed nervously, remarking, "I don't think it is." Ineria's eyes narrowed as she continued, "Did you take into consideration that Matilda was happy with her chorus part? Or that she actually wanted to be involved backstage and only auditioned for a part because you showed an iota of interest in her because it was something you wanted?"

"Nonsense. She's immensely talented an-"

"Of course she is talented," Nevena said, cutting Ineria off. She saw her sister's nostrils flare in anger. "But she's talented in a different way than you. Matilda is not an actress. She doesn't relish being on the stage, like you did."

"Don't be stupid. She was wonderful."

"I don't doubt that she was." Nevena held her jaw tight. "But Matilda doesn't like being on stage or the centre of attention. Do you realise how clever she is? She's practically a math genius. She can do complicated equations in her head. She's been invited to do an advanced math class next semester. And she's twelve."

"So?"

Nevena blinked hard, several times. "So... why don't you embrace and support what she's clearly likes and has a passion for? She feels like you don't appreciate or like the things she enjoys and is passionate about."

"That's silly." Folding her arms, Ineria straightened her back. It was a gesture Nevena knew well. It was how Ineria signalled she was setting down for a long haul. This would not end well, but Nevena was already in too deep to back out of the conversation now. "I appreciate the things she's good at."

"Really?" Nevena snorted and copied Ineria's stance. "Did you know she got an award for math excellence at school? Or that the Mathlete team she's a part of came first in their age range?"

"I knew."

"And did you say anything?"

Ineria fidgeted in her seat. "No, but--"

"No," Nevena snapped. She realised then, noticing a flare in Ineria’s eye, that she was allowing her concern for Matilda and her annoyance at Ineria get the better of her. She took a long breath and felt her shoulders relax. "Because it's not something that interests you." She watched as Ineria smoothed an imaginary wrinkle out of her shirt. "She actually asked me something really heartbreaking yesterday."

"Oh?" Ineria rolled her eyes again. "And what was that?"

"She asked if I ever felt like our parents never wanted me. Or didn't like me." Nevena leaned forward. "She was referring to you. She doesn't think you like her, or even wanted her. And she's twelve-years-old, Ineria. Twelve! She's a child, and children shouldn't be thinking or wondering those kinds of things about their parents."

There was a shift in Ineria's expression, a softness - almost like remorse - that appeared and then disappeared in moments. Nevena saw her sister's face harden again. She set her jaw, her arms tightened a little across her chest and she lowered her shoulders. Though she would not look outwardly angry to anyone else, Nevena could see the rage building behind Ineria's eyes. She was outraged, insulted.

"I know you love her, Ineria," Nevena said, trying to subdue her. "I know you love all of your children but--"

"No," Ineria hissed. "You've said your piece."

"Ineria. I'm trying t-"

"How dare you lecture me about my own child!" Ineria glowered, her eyes blazing with barely controlled anger. "You have no idea how hard I work. How much I do. I don't know everything about my daughter, but I love her immensely. You come here for a few days and think you can lecture me! You don't have children, Nevena. What makes you think you're qualified to tell me, a parent, how I am doing?"

"I work with kids on a daily basis, Ineria," Nevena replied in a steady voice. "I see kids every single day whose parents don't appreciate or even acknowledge their achievements, and instead brush them aside because their achievements do not mesh with their parents'. It's what you're doing with Matilda now, and if you're not careful, the damage to your relationship will be irreparable."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Ineria's fingers clenched on her clothes.

"You are living vicariously through your daughter. You were the star of every school production and you want Matilda to be just like you." The stillness in Nevena's voice was giving way to her frustration. Ineria wouldn't listen. She never listened. "But Matilda isn't like you. Matilda is her own person, and she is a brilliant, intelligent, generous, sensitive, bright person. But you refuse to see that in her, unless it's in doing what you expect of her."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Ineria said again, more fiercely. Her hands flew to Nevena's, knuckles white as she gripped and dug her nails into top of Nevena's hands. Nevena flinched at the quick movement and at the way the table jerked. As children a gesture like that often meant Ineria slapping her around the face. She wouldn’t do it in public, but Nevena still felt a familiar, phantom sting in her cheek. She saw Ineria's lips curl into an unpleasant smirk and tried to pull her hands away. "You think you can lecture me on children and family? Please, that's laughable. What do you know about family, Nevena?"

"I--"

"Nothing. At least nothing of real note," Ineria released her, leaving crescent moon shaped divots in Nevena’s skin, and began to gather up her things, collecting bags and checking that nothing was missing. Even as she did, her eyes did not leave Nevena's face for longer than a second. Nevena could feel a throb in her hands where Ineria had pushed her fingernails deep. "You don't have your own family. You weren't even wanted by this one," Ineria sneered. "You are a poor, unworthy replacement who has nothing to offer. You are worthless. You always have been worthless. You always will be worthless, and it’s high time you realised it." She didn't raise her voice - she didn't even change the cadence of her words. She simply spoke them, each syllable sharp and dripping with venom that seeped into Nevena's conscious. The space behind Nevena's eyes prickled sharply. She clenched her jaw to keep her chin from shaking but she could feel her eyes welling up. Ineria always knew where to attack, where she was most sensitive, and she could bring Nevena to nothing with so little. Ineria knew it too. But this...The look of triumph on her face made Nevena's skin crawl and go cold. Ineria got to her feet. "You should really look in the mirror before you go trying to fix other people. Especially when you’re the only one that needs fixing.

Nevena took a slow breath, "Matilda--"

"Is my daughter, and nothing to do with you," Ineria said coldly. She stood, and approached Nevena, bags in one hand. The other she placed on Nevena's shoulder and squeezed, hard. "Thank you for your insight," Ineria murmured to her. "However, just like you, it is unwanted."

A cold chill ran down Nevena's spine. She shivered as Ineria dug her fingers into her shoulder and released. She didn't move for at least thirty seconds. Her eyes were wide and painful when she finally blinked. Tears ran down her face and she quickly wiped them away. She would not make a spectacle of herself out in the open for everyone to see. If she was going to cry then she'd at least do it somewhere secluded.

She just needed to remember how to move.

Nevena's whole body felt like it was locked up. Her legs were almost solid and she struggled with remembering how get out of her chair. Breathing was hard too; her chest felt constricted and squeezed, every breath a hard gasp of sheer desperation. Her chest wouldn't expand enough to fill her lungs. She fought to stay calm, at least until she was away from everyone. If she could manage that, she could get through this and make her way back to Haven.

To Skyhold, and privacy.

To Cullen; the safety and comfort he provided would be the panacea to everything.

Her mind was spinning. Ineria was never nice to her, but what just passed between them was vicious. The malice and the anger was almost palpable. Ineria had never made her distain for Nevena secret, but it was like she was unleashing everything now. All the years of resentment and pain building up and being allowed to fester like an infected woundhad become a bubbling over cauldron of hate.

And that was it. Ineria hated her. Nevena realised that now. It wasn't simple sibling rivalry or differences. It was legitimate, unabashed hatred.

Aware that her tears were coming quicker, Nevena forced herself to her feet. She grabbed her satchel and swung it onto her shoulder, rubbing her eyes quickly on her sleeve. Someone behind her yelled and they whacked her bag.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Nevena choked out. Her throat was closing over, as if it wasn't hard enough to breathe already. She took a desperate gulp of air, tucked her head down and started walking.

Breathe. She told herself, trying to remember how to bring herself out of the panic and anxiety threatening to drown her. Drowning. She was drowning. How did that happen? Drowning in a sea of people and silently screaming. There were faces all around her, a cold floor underneath her. Glances of confusion, distain, disgust. Someone touching her. Hands. Too many hands. Too many voices. Too much was happening.

Her vision clouded at the corners, her clothes constricted around her, limiting her movement. They reduced the air she could get. They stuck to her like glue. She was uncomfortable, itchy. Every inch of her skin felt like it was crawling and there was something underneath, digging frantically to get out. Wherever she was, she forced herself to her feet and ran. Her lungs were burning with every forced breath as she weaved and ducked around people, and pillars, and decorations. She didn't know where she was going, what she doing - even where she was seemed like a distant memory, forgettable within the pain.

Every step was hard. The ground was hard, but it felt like she was trying to wade through mud. People were still staring. She heard them ask after her, saw their eyes see her face, tear stains and red cheeked. Several people reached out to grab her as she ran. Nevena recoiled and flinched from each hand, every finger. What if they caught her? What then? She could hardly breathe, let alone form words. She knew she needed to find somewhere isolated and safe. If she could do that she could bring herself down, bring herself out of the panic and everything would be fine. She would be fine. She could do this. She'd done it before.

Ducking down a hallway that seemed more deserted than the rest of the shopping centre, Nevena's vision darkened because of the lower light. There were no bright, white festive lights in the corridor and the merry tingling of music was quieter here. Everything was already dulled by the blood pumping in her ears, but the rest of her senses were in overdrive. Nevena ripped up the sleeves of her jumper and checked her skin. There was nothing moving, nothing trying to dig out, yet she scratched for good measure - just to make sure. The sensation of her fingernails raking over her skin was a pleasant, sharp sensation. It gave her clarity, just enough.

Finding a corner - a wall, somewhere that she felt safer and not quite so open - Nevena dug around in her bag for her phone. She fumbled with it, struggled with her security code several times and just managed not to throw it against the wall on her third failed attempt.

"Come on, Nevena," she gasped angrily at herself. "Think!" She slammed her head back against the wall. It hurt, pain ricocheting down her neck and over the top of her skull. The pain throbbed. Nevena entered her passcode successfully.

She wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeve as she scrolled through names with trembling fingers. Her eyes hurt when she rubbed them. Her eyes lashes were clumped together and she could taste salt on her lips when she licked them.

When she found the name she wanted she began to type. It was more difficult than she remembered, trying to spell a word correctly. She managed it after a several attempts. With the message sent, Nevena pulled her knees into her chest and buried her face into her legs.

"I'm alright," she told to herself in a low whisper. "I'm alright. I'm alright." She just needed to believe it.

I know this chapter takes quite a different turn to the one before, but still - I hope you enjoyed it.

Ineria has issues. If that wasn’t obvious. They’ll be addressed. Also, just to let you know, uploads may slow down a bit. I have a lot of chapters already written, so they won’t slow down too much, but I don’t want to hit my buffer, because I’m having A LOT of trouble on the later chapters, which has put me behind schedule. I’m hoping I’ll get some inspiration soon, but for now, for my own sanity, uploads may be every three weeks, rather than every two.

I hope you understand.

Thanks for reading. As always, your support means so much to me, and I love hearing your thoughts. So please don’t be shy. Reblog with your comments, tags, comment on the post or on AO3, or you can just send me a not on tumblr on anon if you prefer. Just let me know what you think.

See you guys in the next chapter. <3

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #dragon age fanfiction #cullen #cullen rutherford #dragon age modern au #dragon age au #fake relationship au #cullen x trevelyan #nevena trevelyan #cullen x nevena #cullen x inquisitor #writing #my writing #new chapter #only make believe #long fic

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talldarkandroguesome · 7 years

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OOC; What, in YOUR opinion, would be DnD alignments of all the characters involved to your rp?

Heads up before we start here, other than for the characters that I write for, these are my interpretations of the characters. So, I am bound to misinterpret things or focus more on somethings than on others. To my fellow writers, please feel free to tell me where I have gone wrong.

Also, this is rather long, so it’s under a cut for the sake of your dash.

Fayrl:

To take the words from @warmsandstraveler, Chaotic slutty. I mean, there is no better descriptor of his alignment. But if just going off DnD, then he’s chaotic neutral, usually on the edge of chaotic good.

Fayrl’s heart is in the right place and he means to do well, just, he lets himself get swept up in his passions. He has no qualms with murdering people if he can find a way, even minutely to justify it to himself. He’s fairly petty and vengeful, so he will sometimes use leaps of logic in order to say, sure thing, they did this thing to me, they obviously would do it to anyone, maybe something worse, I have grounds to send them to their grave.

Also, lying? No problem. If they aren’t smart enough to tell there’s a lie, then that’s their problem, definitely not my fault. And seducing people out of money and favors is just a daily part of his life. They agreed to it, so they made the decision, I just helped to steer them towards it. I don’t think he feels guilty about doing so. Then again, he feels an obligation to stand up for those who are without power or voice. He detests those that prey on the poor and powerless and tends to sympathize with those allotted a less fortunate path in life. His immediate reaction is to vilify the privileged and to be invested in the interest of those who are without.

Qau-dar:

Neutral good or Chaotic good. He follows the general roles and responsibilities that Khajiit in his clan are expected to. He respects his elders and the parts everyone is supposed to play. I admit that by the standards of other races, he may be seen as less good, but those are differences of cultural viewpoint, rather than an oversight of the local law. He follows the beliefs he was taught to and cares for those around him. He is willing to set aside his own feelings for the good of others and tries to resolve disputes in the most favorable way.

Speaks-Too-Soon:

Neutral Good or Chaotic Neutral. I’m not as sure about her. I have the advantage of being married to her writer, so I get a lot of feedback from them about how Speaks-Too-Soon would react to various situations. I spend a lot of time before scheduling Fayrl’s entries like, “Hey, babe, if Fayfay does this thing, how’s S2S gonna respond?” What I’ve learned from those conversations (and @speaks-too-soon, feel free to correct me here) is that Speaks-Too-Soon has a pretty live and let die attitude about most of those around her. That said, she feels the need to protect those she sees some of herself in. So those who are poor or taken advantage of or are innocent, she wants to help.

She’s a really complex character in that way and I really hope that we will see more from her so that we can learn more about her. Even in my position, I don’t know all that much about her. I think she is such a beautiful and fun, but kind of tragic, character. I think she is a symbol of what many Argonians are going through with the transition into the Pact and I think it says as much about Argonians at that period as it does about the other races of the Pact.

Lilandril:

Lawful Neutral. Despite his harsh exterior, he cares for the people he finds worthwhile. And even though he may not be happy about it, he will still follow-through on agreements he makes, even when it is inconvenient for him. He is willing to bend laws when it is to keep obligations he has made, but the rules he has for himself he does not break. He may threaten to, but he always sticks to his word.

He can be abrasive towards, well, everyone. Yet if you manage to weasel your way into his life, then he will do well by you. Oh sure, he will complain about it the whole time, but he will still do it.

Rialas:

Chaotic neutral. Rialas is all about himself and what he wants to do. He follows his whims and doesn’t look back. He also seems to have a very high set view of himself which he expects everyone else to acknowledge and adhere to properly. I would say there’s a bit of narcissism there. Probably since others are so drawn to him. He has that sort of dangerous mysterious allure that many people cannot resist.

I wouldn’t say he falls into evil because he does follow his religious beliefs pretty strictly and appears to take his marriage vows seriously. And I believe the killings he does are justifiable by the rules that he lives his life by. I can’t say how much pleasure he gets from this to judge how pure or not his motivations in the killings are, but I have no doubt that he does not let bodies go to waste.

Avon: Lawful Good. That’s the most boring alignment and usually I hate characters that fall into this alignment. Avon is 100% sold on the tribunal narrative (the daedric one, not the Almsivi) and lives his life strictly by those tenants. He also respects the laws of Morrowind and wishes to do well in society more for the sake of personal betterment than for family honor or prestige. He is a pretty pure guy and seems to retain guilt over the murders he has felt peer-pressured into taking a part in. And he just generally seems more interested in doing things which will make the world better, rather than for immediate monetary gains or pleasures. Honestly, his association with Fayrl is probably the least good thing he does.

I saw @thatoneshadyshop talk about Gen 2, so I guess I’ll dip my toes in here.

Ma’rihani:

Chaotic Neutral? At this point she still has the self-centered ideas that children often do about the world and themselves. I don’t know if she is going to learn to mature beyond that, or if her powers will be great enough that she will go off on her own and attempt to rule not only every mammoth, but the whole of Nirn. She could end up being Lawful Evil or somehow swing all the way over to Lawful Good. I just don’t know what to expect out of her yet.

Sildras:

Lawful neutral with Chaotic good tendencies. I know, that’s not how these things work, but hear me out. Sildras is going to grow up wavering between two worlds. He is going to be forced by his grandmother to adhere to social expectations and attend the strictly regimented Shad Astura. I think he is going to maintain much of his shyness as he gets older, or at least feel a bit detached from others. A mix of that from his high status and his difficulty in trusting others. I think in subject with which he has a lot of knowledge, he will have some confidence, but socially, he is weak to confrontation. I don’t think arguments will be one of his strong suits. I think as he gets older, he is going to learn that it is better to be quiet and run away, than it is to face the opposition.

But Sildras does has a bit of a naughty side. I think it is genetic (not just from Fayrl, Mehra also has a bit of that spark in her, though she is usually too stone-faced to show it outwardly). So I think Sildras may be a big user of petty revenge tactics. I think he is going to remember slights against him and find ways to subtly get back at the person, though over a long period of time. He is the patient and waiting type, not as likely to jump into thing.

That is, unless he has others around who are there to encourage him. I think Sildras will be slow to trust, but those he does, he will trust completely. If his sister, which is definitely how he thinks of Ma’rihanni, encourages him, I think they will be a wicked combination. In fact, it is probably for the best that those two are not left unsupervised together, because between both of their magical abilities, MR’s ambition, and Sildras’ knowledge of the arcane, they can do some real damage. Though, I think as he grows up, Sildras’ main study of magicka is going to be illusion, though he has inherent abilities already in destruction.

Gwemba:

Chaotic neutral. I think she is going to be as strong-willed as she is head-strong. I don’t think it is going to be very easy to talk her out of things she gets her heart or mind set on. She is the eldest of Gen 2 and I feel like she or MR are going to be the defacto leader of the group. Perhaps she is the leader and MR is the shadow leader. Honestly, this party is looking to be a destructive group to come across.

Berk:

Like his father, I think he will be either Lawful Neutral or maybe even Neutral good? I feel like he is going to be the peacekeeper for the group. His only hope is to be able to persuade Sildras to take his side so that the girls don’t entirely have free reign over what they do. I think he will have to be the one to talk people out of their anger when one of the other three inevitably pisses someone off. Sildras will just be gone the second there’s trouble, moving to the back where he can be out of sight and out of mind of those that pose a threat. And that leaves the two girls, who I expect will be more than eager to give fight.

My one wonder is what would happen if Berk were angry. I think it might take a lot, but if he were to, I wonder if he would suddenly take charge of the group, or if he would just launch himself forward, seeking blood.

#ESO #TES #RP #Ask #OOC #Elder Scrolls Online #The Elder Scrolls

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