#i dont like feeling like this it burns my passion out | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ncteez · 1 year

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philoselene (k.h.j)

You weren’t sure what to think of Hongjoong, with his ever-changing hair and ever-growing piercings. He is the complete opposite of you, and you’re unsure of why he keeps gravitating toward you, or why he found an interest in you at all. Through his eyes though, he swears you’d be able to handle the weight of the moon if he were to pull it down for you.

or the one where hongjoong would do just about anything for you, and he can’t help but show it when he’s got you on top of him for the first time.

ao3 | m.list | minors dni! | kindly leave feedback and reblog.

WORDCOUNT― 6.2k

PAIRING― alt!stoner!hongjoong x afab reader

CONTENT― some weed smoking and moon gazing happen, a little bit of them struggling to translate their thoughts into words that make sense, very fluffy stuff, he’s a little shy about his body, service top hongjoong, first time together, intensely passionate smut

NOTE― just fyi, i know the description makes it seem like the reader is insecure. I can assure you, she is not. It’s just two people learning that they fit together like a puzzle, and wanting to know each other’s thought processes. anyway, im very in love with hongjoong and that’s why I basically just wrote comfort smut. BYE. not proof read so pls dont point out my typos, ill actually cry.

smut tags under cut::

smut tags― makeout sessions, they’re really really high so the experience is kind of slow motion, frottage, sweet-talking rather than dirty talking, brief mutual masturbation, missionary on a couch, he’s a service top but it’s not heavily described here bc like– he’s just hella into her and feels good no matter what she does, ummm, unprotected sex bc im lazy

The man whose hair changes at each new moon cycle, the one who smells like winter but has the eyes of a smoldering flame spreading to a forest fire. Both his charm and his wit are entirely unmatched if anyone you’ve ever met in your life is to go by. His hands are the most gentle, and goddamn does he know how to dress to piss off the local business owners.

A new ear piercing for him usually meant heartbreak, be it a lost friend, a failed project, or even an incorrect lunch order at the run-down diner across town. Everything about Hongjoong is telling. He is not mysterious, nor does he want to be.

You, on the other hand, are the complete opposite in terms of how you carry yourself. You worry too much, your posture is slouched when it shouldn’t be, your confidence wavers more often than you’d like to admit, and you keep to yourself most of the time. Minimizing yourself, snuffing out any flame or glow that threatens to show to anyone less than a close friend. You dress much like your personality, muted.

This is why you question the dynamic on each date you end up on with Hongjoong. Dinner dates, movie dates, walks in the park. Normal. fucking. dates. The dynamic between the two of you is anything but natural to you. Time after time now, seeing him after sunset looking at you much like he would if he were seeking out constellations, you feel like you’re not a person meant to be looked at this way. You’ll never get used to another person wanting to spend this time with you, like they’re finding comfort in your silence. What do you have that seems to fulfill him?

Even now, six hours after the date started, you find yourself next to Hongjoong and his bright smile. The small rolled joint burned out minutes ago, and the dull city skyline bursts with pinks and purples from the sunset. His smile is one that is entirely soft and focused on you. All of his attention, on you. The one thing in the world you hate, he gives to you and makes you feel as though you don’t hate it nearly as much as you did before meeting him.

“Hongjoong,” You whisper into the brisk air, bumping your leg against his as he tilts his chin up as if to let you know he’s listening to whatever you want to say. “This is our– what? Seventh date?”

He nods with a hum.

“First time at my place though, so we can still call it a first date.” He offers, reaching his arms out and feeling the stretch of his muscles relax him. His arms fall back to his side and his eyes fall back on you.

Never have you had this many first dates, nor has any man treated each date as such.

“Why do you do that?” You laugh, slouching back against the weathered wicker couch, the balcony offering both the most wonderful and shitty view of the city.

“Do what?” He asks, turning slightly towards you with a curious look.

“Like, I don’t know,” you trail off, for some reason unable to look him in the eye as you continue to spiral into the slow and fuzzy high that his weed offers to you. He looks insanely attractive tonight, especially in this lighting. The colors somehow glow against his skin, contrasting with the dark and plush sweater he has on. It’s weathered much like this wicker furniture, but you imagine he’s comfortable inside of that sweater, sitting on this furniture, breathing in the same air you’re breathing out. “You always call each date the first one, I’m wondering when it’ll be, like, something more than that?”

You can hear yourself talking and you can’t help but think you sound fucking stupid, but he chuckles in response.

“I probably sound lame saying it but, I like that I learn something new about you each time. It’s not my fault that it always feels like a first date with you.” He laughs, making a face towards you that makes you laugh a bit louder than expected.

“You act like I have something new and interesting to tell you every day,” He cuts you off as you try to speak.

“For instance, today I learned that you don’t even like the coffee I bring to you.” He’s snide when he says it, raising a brow at you.

“What? Yes, I do!” You defend, definitely lying as you feel your stomach hit the concrete floor of his balcony. You’ve always been a terrible liar.

“Is that why you always leave it in my cup holder pretending like you forgot it?”

You narrow your eyes at him but can’t keep up the act much longer as the smile creeps wider across your lips.

“You’re too observant of me,” You joke, not realizing how true it actually is. “You know I usually spend my days avoiding the idea of people noticing what I do, right?”

He nods towards you, face fond and droopy from his high.

“I think you’re cute when you notice that I notice,” he blinks away from you, watching the sun fall and the moon take its rightful spot in the sky. “Besides, if you don’t like it, you’d stop letting me take you out, right?”

He’s actually looking for confirmation this time, not looking at you, and mostly preparing for the make-it-or-break-it moment now that you’ve finally worked up the courage to stop going with his flow.

“I think I’m just confused over you wanting to spend time with me at all, actually.” You admit, knowing for a fact that you appear to be the most boring human alive, and not many people stick around to find the actual personality within you.

Hongjoong looks at you this time, genuinely shocked that you’d even say that or feel confused over why he chooses to spend time with you.

“Well, I can go down a list of reasons, if you want?”

You prop yourself up, fixing your posture and wiggling your brows.

“Please, do.” You say, feeling a permanent smile form on your face.

Hongjoong claps his hands on his thighs before lifting his legs and turning on the wicker couch to face you, tucking himself into the smallest version of himself as he huddles into his oversized sweater.

“Alright, for starters, you’re not as boring as you think you are. What person would have climbed that no-trespassing fence with me without asking a single question?”

He’s just gloating at you now. Most people would absolutely do that with him.

“Literally, anyone would have done that with you.”

He waves you off.

“You like the same anime I like and the same music. You even knew of the band I was in during my senior year of high school!”

You nod, he’s got a point there.

“You’re not loud or constantly demanding attention. I like that you just kind of exist. Sometimes I just need to exist too, but people always expect more, you know?”

Hongjoong’s eyes trail off, landing on the darkening sky and seeking out the moon.

“When we hang out, I feel like there’s nothing we actually need to do in order to call it a date. You’re the only person I’ve continuously taken out. You’ve made it clear that you expect nothing from me.”

You nod, but tilt your head in question as your own eyes follow his gaze to the moon.

“So, it makes me want to give you everything.”

Unsure of if it’s the weed talking through him or if he meant what he just said, you still find yourself melting a bit at his voice when he says it. The words feel like they hold a lot of weight for him, and you didn’t even know that weight existed until now.

“Do you always say these types of things when the moon is in the right position, and the weed is dank as hell?”

He snorts, tucking his chin into his chest as he laughs before reaching out and swatting you on the shoulder.

“What I’m trying to get at here, because I know by now that you’re not going to pick up on any hints is that I kind of want this to be the last first date.”

You find yourself panicking at that, unsure of what the fuck that’s supposed to mean. Hongjoong instantly regrets his awful attempt at wording that. “Unmatched wit” his ass, he can genuinely say the dumbest shit in the most important situations.

“Wait–” He pauses, mouth falling slack as he visibly searches his brain for the correct words. “Okay, let me rephrase that.”

You wait, feeling relieved at his panic and the slow recovery of what he just said to you.

“What I meant by last first date, is like, um–” It’s lost on him again as you watch his eyes squint into a smile instead, the sparkle of his eyes matching the glints from his various earrings. “I’m trying to ask you to be my girlfriend, fuck.”

This. This is another reason why he likes you this much. Though he saw your eyes fall, and though he said what he needed to say incorrectly at first, you didn’t question him. You didn’t put words in his mouth or react in a way that wouldn’t allow his own recovery. His ability to talk to women right now is highly reduced, but his ability to talk to you is forever comfortable even when he fucks up. You let him fuck that up, and now you’re smiling at him and he can’t help but let his heart swell three times its original size.

“So,” he coughs, looking back to the moon and then back at you. “I guess we can’t have any more first dates if every time we see each other, we are technically, like, dating, right?”

You snort at his inability to string together a coherent sentence, knowing full well that both of you have the ability to navigate everyday conversations high. Given the fact that the two of you have been in public before pretending like you didn’t just hotbox his car. It’s just that, this isn’t an everyday conversation and you’d like to think that you probably sound like an idiot too. You’re somehow right there with him even if you feel like you’re on two different pages of two different books.

“You have a point,” you say, managing to fit his words into a sentence that makes sense in your brain. “Delivery could have been better though.”

The lighting on his cheekbones says enough about his own permanent smile matching yours. If you believed in fairytales, you’d genuinely think that the two of you are in your own little world with nothing but the moon and expensive ass weed.

“You’re supposed to say yes, by the way.” Hongjoong urges you, both of you kind of entering into a giggle fit because of the warmth spreading throughout your bodies.

You nod, agreeing that, yes, you’ll definitely be his girlfriend.

The first kiss with Hongjoong may have been the warmest you’ve ever felt. It was smooth, a little peckish, and overall quite sweet. Even over the weeks he had been taking you out, he never once kissed you or did little more than be some of the best company you could find yourself with. The first kiss taking place after making things official was something you weren’t used to.

And so, that first kiss on his balcony became a second kiss, and then a third and fourth, until the two of you moved into his living room to escape the breeze that had by then made your fingers cold. Fifth, sixth, seventh– and then finally, the eight kiss was one that could have meshed all of the kisses in your life into one. The first heated kiss.

His couch became more comfortable than it was when you first came here, especially now with him beside you, cradling your face and leaving gentle kisses all along your jawline before trailing back to your lips. He’s your boyfriend now and for some reason, you don’t feel yourself doubting why that is. He is proving to you right now how much he likes you, and you try to do the same for him. Your hazy eyes are unable to stay open for too long under the pressure of his lips fluttering all over your face, and you feel loved for the first time in a long time.

It didn’t feel awkward to reach up with your eyes closed to try and put your fingers in his hair, even when you accidentally knocked him on the cheek instead. It didn’t feel like an alarm went off when he tugged at you to pull you over him, leaning himself back on the couch and reaching blindly for the tv remote to avoid the silence in the room save for lips smacking.

For the first time with another person, you felt safe and at home when his hands were roaming your body.

Both jackets were already off, and your cold fingers warmed up in his as he would eventually intertwine his fingers with yours as he kissed you. It didn’t feel rushed, and maybe it was just because you both were in a lazy state of peaked high, but you can almost feel every single touch be amplified. You’d be lying if you said your entire body wasn’t tingling. More silent than it has ever been between the two of you, it still feels like it’s where you should be.

Hongjoong’s fingers in yours, his lips on yours, his tongue licking against yours, all of it is good. The sensations swam throughout your body to the point that you barely even notice that you’re turned on.

Is it too much on the…what was it, seventh date? Is it too much on the first night of being his girlfriend after your first and eighth or thirteenth kiss? His lips are curled into this permanent little smile that tells you otherwise. He’s the one who pulled you on top of him, he’s the one who hasn’t pushed because he somehow knew you were enjoying the steamy make out session too much to let it end here.

There’s no end goal at this moment with Hongjoong, nothing is telling you that you need to get off or get him off despite your body already tingling for it. There’s no rush with the man under you, with his moon-like eyes and messy dyed hair. He’s just as telling as he always has been, and without a word, you know that at this moment, he would take anything you give him and be perfectly content.

“I can see you thinking, you know,” Hongjoong whispers, his fingers tightening their grip between your own. “We can just do this, I’m perfectly fine with just this.”

You shake your head at him, squeezing his fingers and looking at him for a brief moment. Seeing him now like this, with his kissed lips and his hair just as messy as always, it hits you again that he’s yours. Not in a way that’s possessive, but like, he wants to be yours, and he wants you to be his.

Your eyes glance down to his lap, with his length sitting firmly between your legs and it makes your heart swell. Typically, men in this position would push you, pull you, and move you around on their arousal to try and get some sort of release but, not Hongjoong. He’s containing himself, assuring you that you don’t have to do anything more. Regardless of you sitting on his thighs, dangerously close to being able to please him this way.

“Do you want more, though?” You ask him.

His eyes are half-lidded and looking up at you as you speak, glancing down to your lips again as if he already misses them. You can see his answer in the silence, his grip on your hand tightening as his brain malfunctions at the very idea of you being the one to ask. He wants more for the sake of having you, but he also wants more for the sake of pleasing you.

“Yeah?” You ask for confirmation of his silent answer, leaning down to kiss against the corner of his mouth before leaning back again.

He gives you a reassuring nod, his other hand snaking around your waist and pulling you closer to him, onto his hardened length with a soft mewl at you.

“I do,” he whispers against your ear, nuzzling his nose against your neck and trying to prevent his hips from bucking up as you sit on him. “I can give you more, too.”

The way he says it to you with a soft rasp makes your stomach do flips, almost as if he’s pleading for you to let him, it makes your entire body tingle. Never has a man made you feel this way when you’re being intimate. You suppose Hongjoong is right though, from what he said before, about how almost every date appears to be the first one with the number of new things you learn about each other.

You don’t need to respond to him though, because almost immediately after those words you turn your face slightly to kiss his temple, and he instantly releases your hand and puts it on the other side of your waist. Practically caging you against him as he holds you in place and dips back in to kiss you.

Within that kiss, you can hear his need. Throaty groans as he presses his length against you. Only the sound of fabric rubbing against fabric can be heard but it’s kind of a pretty sound. His weathered sweater feels warm when you tangle your fingers into the loosened fringe along his neck like, trying to work your hips to match his within this tight hug.

By the time he notices that you’re moving your hips on him, his grip loosens and he pulls back from the kiss, watching you pull yourself up and planting your arms on his shoulders to actually grind against him.

He runs his hands up and down your waist at this point, eyes watching the way you work yourself against him with a deep and burning fondness. He appears to be in awe, a crooked smirk appearing on his softened and kissed lips.

“You know,” Hongjoong chuckles softly, closing one eye and focusing on the feeling of the dry drag against him.. “It might just be because I’m high but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good with denim practically rubbing me raw–”

Your hips stop, and you try to ignore the fact that on any other day, those words would have absolutely ruined the mood, but for some reason, it doesn’t. You let out a breathy laugh, falling forward and laughing against his neck. The moon must be in the right position or something tonight, because everything does feel insanely good. Then again, maybe it’s just that he’s in the right position, or maybe it’s just you.

“Why would you–” You cut yourself off as you laugh, breathing in the scent of him once more before leaning back and backing off of his lap slightly. The look he gives you is nothing but fond and it kind of makes you feel more dazed than you already do. “Let's take them off then?”

Hongjoong gives you a polite nod, his hands releasing you but still chasing your warmth as you pull yourself off of him and wait for him to remove his pants.

He’s quick with it, of course, and you take it another step further to take yours off too, not looking him in the eye as you do it. Almost to hope that he doesn’t see you do it, to hope that he won’t think about it, or smile at it, or make a comment on it.

Thankfully, he doesn’t and when you sit back on his lap, feeling his bare legs against yours and noting how fucking warm his skin is, all you can do is pretend like feeling someone else’s skin against yours is supposed to feel fleeting like this.

Your panties sit against his boxers now, and his warmth seeps through you so fast that you want to feel more. See more, touch more, kiss more, love more. You don’t hesitate to loop your fingers into a particularly big rip on his sweater and tug on it.

“This too?” He tilts his head, his own hand fiddling with the same rip that your fingers are intertwined with, and then looks away shyly..

All you can do is feel yourself spiraling further into the feeling of being with him. He’s got one strand of hair standing stiffly too, probably from the static of the couch rubbing against it, but it’s cute. It’s attractive, everything about him is attractive.

His eyes continue to avoid your eyes when he lifts his sweater off of him, shivering at the cool apartment air hitting his skin all over rather than just through those rips and tears. You take note, especially when he does look at you and pulls you down into a kiss again as quickly as he can. He’s not letting you see him like this, bare from the waist up and almost from the waist down.

The two of you must have been one soul at one point because you know what he’s doing and never have you had to be the one on the other side of this situation. Usually, you’re the one hiding when it feels overwhelming, you’re the one imagining that the person with you would be searching for imperfections. You pull back from his kiss, looking into his eyes before glancing down at his bare chest and stomach.

“You’re being shy,” You comment, leaning down to plant a kiss on his collarbone before looking back at him and tilting your head. “You’re never shy.”

You work up the confidence in yourself now, lifting your shirt off and doing your best not to immediately mimic what he’s already done. Meaning, you don’t hide your exposed skin and instead, you try to sit proudly on top of him.

Hongjoong just watches, his lips falling slack at your bareness with a relieved sigh.

“How can I not be shy right now?” he smiles, leaning himself up this time and kissing against the plush flesh of your breast.

You sigh at the feeling of his lips against your chest, fingers automatically finding their way into his hair as you focus on the feeling. The emotion of it all sends you into overdrive because really? Everything about Hongjoong is loud, and you’re making him shy?

The goosebumps continuously rise and fall as he works his lips across one breast to the other, up until his fingers are pushing the fabric of your bra to the side. He pulls back momentarily to look at them, eyes darting from one nipple to the other before looking up at your face.

“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this.” Hongjoong admits, dipping in and flicking one of your nipples with his tongue.

“Oh?” You ask, officially grinding your hips again on his lap, feeling his cock twitch in his boxers. The drag feels lighter now that there’s not much fabric preventing the feeling. “For how long?”

“Third date,” he admits, trailing back to the other breast and sucking just next to your nipple, his other hand easily stimulating the one he just neglected. “Didn’t want to rush with you though, I’m always rushing.”

You hum at his words, feeling special. All he makes you feel is special. And when he finally releases your chest from his mouth and falls back against the couch, even the way he looks at you confirms that your feelings about this aren’t unfounded.

You put more effort into your hips now, your mind spinning by this point at the way his touches are gentle. His chest rises and falls with each perfect drag up his length, small mewls of pleasure spilling from his lips every few seconds. Still, he just looks at you.

There’s really no rush here and the scary part about it is that you’re already so worked up that you wouldn’t mind a bit of rushing by this point.

More and more you move your hips, and more and more Hongjoong appears to lose his composure. His hands gripping at you, his eyes unable to stay on one part of your body for too long, his teeth showing as he bites his lip just to compose himself from making the next step– and then–

There it is. There he is, lunging forward and grabbing you, pulling you so close to him that your core is now seated directly on the head of his leaking cock. He moans at the pressure, kissing against your lips with so much passion that you wonder if he know’s how hot that was.

He’s lost in the moment and you can’t help but love it. With the way one of his hands holds your cheek as he kisses you and the other finds itself against your ass to push and pull you on his lap. At this point, you wonder if he could get off this way. With the way he’s acting, you think he could. Easily.

“Hongjoong,” You manage to gasp during the short breath between his frantic kiss. “We can–”

You’re cut off by him kissing you again, his hand guiding you down and forward on his length in a way that tells you he’s listening. He’s imagining what you’re about to say.

“We can,” He groans in an answer to your unfinished question, taking in a deep breath when he pulls back from the kiss and looking down to see the head of his cock occasionally peeking from the waistband of his boxers. “Just tell me what you want.”

Words escape you in that moment, so you use your body instead. Scooting back and almost taking the boxers with you you see a glimpse of his length. Heavy, leaking, twitching at the loss of your weight against it. You stare, wanting to devour this man whole at that moment but you hold back. You can give him head another time, honestly. After spending so long making out, grinding, and him playing with your breasts? You’re kind of ready to rush. Even just for a moment.

He watches your hands as they lower the boxers further, pulling them down until you can tuck them under your thighs to hold them in place. There, you just look at his cock and he just looks at you.

After a few seconds, you glance at him with shy eyes, blinking in a way to try and hide your blatant lust for what’s between his legs. He might believe that seeing you look at him this way is the best thing he’s ever experienced. His cock twitches unintentionally when he notices your blown pupils, especially when his eyes trail down. Now that the seat of your panties isn’t grinding against him, he can see a glimpse of the darkened wet spot.

Now what to do? The two of you sitting here, horny out of your goddamn mind and the weed on top of it amplifying every touch, you can imagine that you both look like a pair of deer in headlights.

Hongjoong finishes what you started though, running his hand down your sides before grabbing himself and gently pumping once. You watch as he gathers the dripping pre-cum in his palm before smoothing it down his entire length while his eyes never leave the spot between your legs. Then he continues that, touching himself as you’re on him as if to tell you that he can finish himself off so you don’t have to.

Without really thinking, you find your own hand doing the same, sliding down your panties and the instant your fingers bump against your clit, you jolt and find yourself letting out a soft and pained moan at the sensitivity.

“That–” Hongjoong takes in a sharp breath at the sound, squeezing the base of his cock with his hand and closing his eyes. “sounded so fucking pretty.”

It wasn’t intentional and for a brief moment, you felt embarrassed by the sound. Once again though, Hongjoong pulls that confidence out of you like it’s what he was born to do. At this point though, your legs feel like jelly after being spread on top of him for so long and you think he can tell.

“Mm, let’s move,” He comments, releasing his cock and tapping you with the other hand to stand up. “Lay back, I'll do the rest.”

He gently instructs you, grabbing a pillow and placing it at the end of the couch for your head to lay against. You do so without question, both your legs and heart are weak at seeing him like this.

“There, better?” He asks after you lay back. He leans over your side after a short nod from you and leaves a gentle kiss against your lips before placing his hand against your thigh. “Can I take these off?”

You nod, feeling him slip your panties down your legs before you watch him shimmy off his own boxers.

There, there it is. Both of you are entirely vulnerable to each other for the first time and you don’t feel a hint of wanting to stop. Not a worry, doubt, or insecurity can or will stop you at this moment.

He doesn’t let his eyes linger for too long at your exposed core just yet and instead he opts to place himself between your legs before leaning down and kissing you much like before. He can’t get enough of your lips if he’s being honest though.

You can feel the weight of his cock resting between your thigh and pussy and it does nothing more than make you want it more. You want him so bad by this point that you can’t really question how dumb you could sound actually asking for it.

“Can you, like–” Your words are lost on you when he pulls back with a small smile and a curious look.

“Do you want to?” He asks, despite knowing this is where the situation was headed.

You give a shy nod, reaching your hand down between the two of you and gripping him yourself for the first time.

He lets out a shaky breath with a laugh, humping his hips forward and into your hand intentionally when he does it.

“Fuck,” He seethes out. “Yeah, okay.” He sighs this time, without shame still fucking himself into your hand and showing a desperate need for what you’re asking for.

You can’t help but get lost in it. Your hand guided his cock down and against your clit for a brief moment of sensitive relief before releasing a breath that you didn’t even know you were holding when you position him at your entrance.

He pushes in without holding back, but he’s slow with it. The head of his cock sank into the warm and clenched walls causing a pleasant stretch. Both of you let out a moan at this, feeling him push in slowly, continuously, until he’s bottomed out and nuzzling against your ear.

“Sound so pretty when you moan,” he babbles against your ear, leaving wet and warm condensation from his breath there. “You could drive me insane like this.”

You moan again, not entirely for his pleasure but simply because it feels so good. His cock pulsing inside of you when you clench around him, his soft voice in your ear. Sensory overload has never felt so fucking euphoric to you.

“Like that, yeah.” Hongjoong rasps out this time, pulling his head back in time with his hips. Almost emptying you entirely before pushing back in with that same languid drag of his hips. His eyes are on you now though, arms at either side of your head as he works up a lazy kind of rhythm. One that offers a deep thrust each time.

You can’t help the sounds that fall from your lips, and you can’t help that your pussy is throbbing around him, and certainly, you can’t help that the feeling of one of his hands moving to your chest before dipping his head down and sucking against it makes you moan out a bit louder.

With each moan, he almost mimics you with his own. He’s riding off of the pleasure he’s giving to you. Then again, he’s always been fond of pretty sounds. Music is his passion but hearing you make such delicate sounds for him makes his head spin in all sorts of directions.

His thrusts become more pointed after a few minutes, fucking into you at a pace that feels equally as deep but more powerful now. Your hands grip at anything you can get ahold of, meaning, you grip him. His arms, his back, and then finally you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down.

His hips stutter at that before he grabs one of your legs and hikes it up and around his waist. This allows him to position himself slightly differently, fucking into you at an angle as his lips immediately fall to yours with a breathy laugh.

You can’t kiss him back this time though, with the new angle he’s driving into you causing his cock to bump repeatedly against a soft spot inside of you. Your mouth is left slack, releasing empty moans against his attempts to kiss you.

He takes intense note of it, keeping up his pace and falling in love with the way you react to this angle. His hands find purchase above your head and he leans back to watch you as he fucks into you.

“God,” He says slightly out of breath, dipping in briefly to kiss you on the forehead. “I’m going to come in about five seconds if you keep doing this.”

Your eyes roll back slightly at his words and instantly you’re shoving your hand between the two of you to push yourself over the edge. He swats your hand away though, still fucking into you all while intertwining his fingers with yours and using his other hand to do the work for you.

“Fuck, I can’t get enough of you,” He says, rubbing his fingers in harsh circles around your sensitive clit. “Let me take care of you,” he adds in a huff, his hips becoming more frantic each time he feels your pussy tense around him.

Just like that, you’re releasing in waves with trembling legs. To the point that you throw your other leg around his waist and essentially push him into you with such force that he can’t even thrust anymore. You hold him there, riding out your high and struggling to comprehend the fact that this man isn’t always attached to you like this.

He lays there, his head forced into the crook of your neck as he feels you come around him, clenching him so tightly that he can’t really help it either. Your warm and wet pussy is absolutely soaking him and all he can do is let it. All he can do is feel it, to the point that he’s driven over the edge too.

Even when you release your death grip hug, he stays in place, nuzzling further against your neck with choked moans and tight presses of his hips. He’s trying to drive his cock deeper than it can go as he releases it, the feeling too good for him to think straight. You run your fingers through his hair as he does it, trailing your fingernails down to his neck and across his back.

You can feel the goosebumps on his skin under your fingers, and when his body finally goes limp on top of you, all you can do is continue that motion. Scratching, rubbing, soothing him through both of your post-orgasm brain fog.

Becoming Hongjoong’s girlfriend was something that should have been expected if you’re being honest. It should be a normal relationship, with normal arguments, and normal sex. Except it’s not.

The relationship is anything but normal but you’d like to say you prefer it this way. With the late night dates to empty parking lots just to be outside of your own spaces, the gas station runs where the two of you need to buy every snack known to man to satiate your munchies. The repeat tv shows playing on his television because you never quite catch what happened in episode six despite watching in four times. To be fair, episode six always comes on when you’re almost entirely wrapped up with your boyfriend.

His hands are always stained with hair dye because he can’t be bothered to wear gloves, your hands are stained with hair dye too because you can’t not run your fingers through it when he’s between your legs. He’s always adding color to your life, be it literally or emotionally.

There’s something strange about the way he balances you. In public with him, all attention is on his ripped clothes and shining piercings and a quirk of the brow always comes when they see you holding his hand.

You kind of like the attention these days though.

#hongjoong smut #kim hongjoong smut #ateez smut

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ao3-shenanigans · 4 months

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as i write my fic i am SO nervous what if people dont read it

what if they do and dont like it

Well, some people don’t like and/or haven’t read Jane Austin, doesn’t mean it’s not good :)

But also- in the worse case scenario that someone reads your story and hates it with a burning passion and all the awful things, feelings, and ideas that come with it, at the end of the day- you still wrote something.

There is a apart of you in that story that you very carefully put into words and thought out and shared with the world, that act of creation is something beautiful and worth celebrating; don’t let strangers on the internet take that from you

(Even if what you wrote is as unserious as a crack fic)

I have often found asking myself the fallowing questions can help ease my own anxieties and might be useful to you too:

1. What’s the best case scenario?

2. What’s the worst case scenario?

3. What is most likely to happen?

Best of luck to you my friend, and may you enjoy the act of creating :)

#I hope it all goes well and that this helps somewhat!#ao3 #fanfiction #archive of our own #fanfic #fandom #writing #ao3 shenanigans ask

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cup1dt3a · 1 year

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hi, if you dont mind me requesting, how about a wally darling x gn reader where they are the villain of the show, but like,, unintentionally. they are vv clumsy and knock into shelves at howdys, trip eddie on his mail route, ruin julies chalk games, etc. and every time they feel horrible, but run away because they are scared of confrontation. so one day they knock over all of wallys paints while hes stepped away, and when he goes to their house to give them a piece of his mind, he finds them crying and ranting to their cat about how bad they feel but how scared they are to apologize (sorry if its too long!! ive had this idea in my head all day lol)

A poor soul who is mistaken for the villain being a victim to their own clumsiness. I love it! Hope you’re having a good day or that it gets better! Also you’re fine I love it when I get descriptive requests! ⚠️⚠️warning: Angst

“ Oh no! No no no!” You gasped panicking over the now kicked over bucket of paints.

All you wanted to do was take a closer look at Wally’s newest artwork on the large canvas. But no you just had to accidentally step into one of the paint cans. As you tried to get your leg out of it you had only made things worse. Sloshing paint everywhere, knocking down more cans, tubes, and almost the canvas. But you had managed to save in it your colossal pile of mistakes. As you finally got your foot out after jerking it out the heavy can you had noticed a small smudge of red paint. Your heart beat quickened. You ruined it! You ruined all of Wally’s hard work, hours, seconds, and passion. You just ruined it!

Why are you like this? Well that’s obvious. You’re the town screw up. The pushover who always ruins everything. You sometimes avoid going anywhere for months because you’re too scared to ruin something else. For instance one time when you were just looking the ingredients you needed to bake a cake as an apology to Julie for accidentally giving her poisonous flowers. They had all of her favorite colors , but turns out hot pink can literally burn your eyes. You had knocked down two shelves after hitting your head on them. You didn’t know what to do or how to handle all the eyes on you so you ran. Just like with Julie after giving her the flowers you ran. Just like with Frank when you accidentally tore half a page in one of his books. Just like with everyone else you always ran away.

Just like right now as you ran away from an enraged Wally who had just came out of home. Frozen in shock taken back by his usual cheeky smile now gone and replaced with an annoyed look. So you rushed to your only sanctuary as always your house.

You apologized as you ran back to your own house. You panted slamming the door as you knees curled into the floor of your home. You just wanted to look at someone’s painting and yet instead of being able to admire their work you ruined it just like every thing else. All except for one soul in this name uttered your name with a scowl. Well if they could and it was your pet cat Mr.Wiggles. He was an adorable spynx cat who you one day found out all alone in the rain in a battered up box. His red eyes may have made him look scary but you find them enduring from how much love he always showed once you were in the room. On days when you let him wander around with you to most he would look like your evil sidekick ,but to you he looked like a little angle just wanting to make friends. It’s almost like you were both on the same boat of being the outcasts of the group.

You sat on the cold floors as Mr. Wiggles came to your aid at the hurried slam of your front door. Meowing attentively as if he was trying to ask what was the matter. Seeing as you were once again crying once home. Curling beside you as he tried to comfort you.

“ Thanks buddy, but I don’t think we’ll be welcome here anymore.” You sniffled trying to hold back the rest of your tears.

“ I’m fine I just…screwed up…again!” Your voice cracked as the tears poured down once again while you trembled from each sob.

This was outrageous! How and why do you always keep on doing this!? Tube after tube of his new paints were ruined. Even his brand new canvases he laid out behind his latest work. Everything ruined and covered in the new paints. Were you just trying to make everyone feel bad? Every time you came out of your lair you always ruined something. For instance with Julie you made her sick for a week with flower pox! You had tripped Eddie while he was out on his daily run to Franks house. Burnt Poppy’s cookies when she asked you to watch over them. Ripped a book of Franks favorite book sure it was Frank, but even he wouldn’t do that to that to him. You had made a huge hole in Sally’s now broken stage. You knocked down two displays in Howdy’s store and didn’t even try to help. The worst one was with your evil little cat. He had pounced onto Barnaby’s head.

And now you decided to ruin his work. That was the last straw. Chance after chance was given to you, but now it seems like you’re just testing your luck.

“ How does someone even manage to achieve all this in under 5 minutes!?” He frustrates at the ruined paints.

His cavas had a small smudge of red paint on it thankfully. Everything except his painting was mainly ruined. But just why do you do this? The first few times when you first came here everyone brushed it off as small accidents, but it was just a constant cycle of ruining things. So he had no choice, but to try and confront you. To see just why you kept doing this. And to give you a piece of his mind once and for all.

As he greeted a few of his neighbors while he stomped over to your own home he eventually came to the dark and gloomy home of yours. Already giving him chills down his spine as he was about to knock on the door. But he soon had heard sobbing and continuous meows. Concerned he looked around to see where they were coming from and noticed one of your darkly colored windows opened still. He sneaked around the corner peeking through the cracked window.

“ I know I know! It’s just that whenever I make a mistake and try to help I just can’t stand trying to talk to anyone.” You cried.

“ I just want to be friends and make up for my mistakes, but every time I try I make a new one! I even ruined Wally’s beautiful painting and got Julie sick! I’m just a horrible person aren’t I?” You ranted to Mr. Wiggles.

“ It’s just like every other neighborhood I’ve gone to! Soon enough they’ll all start hating me and want me gone again.” You cried now uncontrollably sobbing.

He then felt pity for you as you cried out to your cat now holding him close. Just as he was about to try and comfort you he soon tripped over a stray thick vine in your almost dead garden.

“ Wha..What was that!?” You gasped startled as you slowly got up hurriedly seeing who had just yelped outside your open window.

“ Hello Neighbor!” Wally popped up from the outside of your window startling you.

“ H-Hi…I swear I didn’t mean to knock over your paints! I just…I swear it was an accident!” You sniffled.

“ I know. I didn’t mean to ease drop, but I heard everything you said. But I just wanted to say sorry to you. ” He chuckled trying to lighten up the mood even as your glazed eyes still threatened to draw tears again while you used to window as a fence between the two of you.

You shyed away from his gaze as you croaked out “ Why… I’ve done nothing, but ruin everything since I got here?”

“ Well we haven’t been the best of neighbors to you. I don’t even think I’ve even tried to get to know you.” He said as you rubbed your eyes trying not to cry again.

“So how about we give this another shot?” He asked extending his hand out for you with a comforting smile.

“ I’d like that a lot… Neighbor.” You smiled getting up from the barrier you of your window taking his hand.

Maybe things will be different this time.

Thank you all so much for reading this all the way here! Hope you’re all doing well or that it gets better!

Sincerely-Cup1dT3A 💌

#welcome home #wally darling #gender neutral reader #welcome home x reader #welcome home wally #wally darling x reader #Angst #welcome home angst

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kawaiiwritingcomputer · 27 days

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Venture x Reader || Comforting Venture

🪼- this is sorta based on irl things when people said we got the ugliest version of venture :( dont be sad bby we love you

When Venture returned from their excavation, they looked defeated and upset. Their brown puppy-like eyes had been reduced to dark circles and dried up tears. That smile that brightened your world, was a pouting frown. Venture took off their muddy boots at the front door, their limbs dangling at their sides as they solemnly stepped into your view.

"Hello, my sweetheart, how was work today-" You turn around from the food you were finishing up, and your heart breaks when you see their sad face. "Oh no... are you okay? What happened?" You wipe off your hands on a towel and throw it on the counter, stepping up to your partner and taking them into a hug. You could feel their rigidness and unease as they took a few moments to return your hug. It wasn't your physical touch to make them hold back, it was something going on with their self. They still hadn't said anything, just hugging you back and laying their chin on your shoulder, in deep thought.

Sloan began to cry, and held you tightly as if you were their comforting little teddy bear. You settled into their embrace, and you could feel their body shaking and beginning to get sweaty with their weeping. "Baby... do you... do you think I'm ugly?" They pulled away a little to look you in the eyes, and your chest burned with passion as you immediately replied, "No, absolutely not! Why.... Who said that to you, Sloan?" You raised up a hand to hold their cheek, wiping away their tears with your thumb.

Venture could see your face turn angry, not at them, but whoever was responsible for hurting their feelings. Upon thinking about the incident again, they started to bawl their eyes out even harder. That sentence, that voice kept repeating over and over in their head, telling them that they were the ugliest on the team, and other disrespectful terms to target their identity.

"Honey, I think you're amazing the way you are.... Don't let their opinions get to you, they don't matter!! You are here, with me, so you've done something right along the way, and i think you're beautiful and handsome and everything in between."

Your reminder melts their heart, and you see their precious smile come upon their face. They kiss you warmly, their body wiggling with newfound happiness. You were right!!! How could they be ugly when they've scored the sexiest partner ever!! "Gracias corazón."

"It's okay. How about we eat? I made chili, and we can have ice cream for dessert!"

"Ah, My favorite!! I love you so much, Y/N!"

youtube

#venture overwatch #venture x reader #overwatch imagines #sloan cameron #i dont actually know if chili is their favorite #i was making it irl so first thing i thought of lol #🪼#if there is typo im sorry #Youtube

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noangeleither · 6 months

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yin and yang: carmy and sydney's creative processes + menu planning

what i love about analyzing carmy and sydney is the way they mirror each other. their similarities and differences, and how they have the potential to complement each other well. truly make each other better at this.

this is most evident with the way they approach creating a dish.

sydney's creative process

evidenced by sheridan (s01e05) and sundae (s02e03), sydney is very imaginative when it comes to creating a dish. the editing in these episodes gives us an intimate view of her creative process. recipes often come to her in dreams/daydreams.

sydney gets inspired by her passion for cooking, her family history and her city/world around her (architecture, nature, other restaurants in Chicago). this really fits into sydney's motivations as a chef.

Sydney uses food to make people happy. She likes to take care of people. someone on here explained the significance of sydney wanting exactly one michelin star, which would signify affordable high quality food that normal everyday people have access to. in braciole she mentions to marcus that her dad and her didn't really go out to eat so when they did, they made it count and it was special. she wants to create an experience like that with her own spot (the Bear).

so naturally that is reflected in her food. its not simply a great meal, but a fabric/archive of her culture, history, worldview and entire character.

while sydney has a very imaginative creative process, she often just jots down her ideas in her little notebook(s), for later reflection.

carmy's creative process

carmy has a more tense relationship with cooking. while sydney and carmy are both amazing chefs, carmy seems to be more jaded and detached from his work.

for carmy he grew up in a household where food was a big part of his family. his mom, mikey, and nat can all cook well. he is naturally very great at it. he uses food to be closer to the people he loves. thats why in the face of rejection from his brother, he goes off and becomes one of the best chefs in the country out of spite. why he uses the beef to try and fix his relationship with mikey. why he was so devasted when syd quit and why he started his dream restaurant with her after she came back.

because we dont get an intimate look into carmys psyche when creating a dish, its harder to say but based off his monolouge in braciole (s01e8) and the way he uses food to connect with people he loves rather than having passion for it independently i can surmise that carmy isn't imaginative as sydney. food is more like a math equation (ironic)/a science.

“he’s the best bc he didn’t have any of the bullshit”, emotional ties/relationships of any kind. his career esp at EMP were isolating, rigid and cold. he was the best bc he was calculating, precise and competitive. which breeds excellence in his field while straying him further away from love and true passion.

i imagine carmy to be more pragmatic with creating a dish.

but carmy is a creative person at his core and while creating a dish might not be as colorful as when sydney does it. we do know that carmy can draw and visualize his ideas onto paper. "Sistine Chapel" level drawings according to syd.

sydney + carmy - potential true partnership

on my 3rd rewatch, i couldn't help but feel so dissatisfied with their partnership. granted this is on purpose since the show is only 2 seasons in and they are trying to do a slow burn in all aspects, not just romantic.

it really hit me that carmy and sydney have never - at least on screen - created a meal together. in s1, we never see the risotto come to fruition, we just get carmys input but never the finished product. in s2 finally, carmy and Sydney work together now that their dynamic has changed from boss and employee to partners. we get like what? 4 scenes of them creating the menu, and having this amazing professional chemistry but ultimately leads to two failed dishes, which would be ok if they worked together after that. but they dont...

instead for the rest of the season, we see them (mainly Syd) working on the menu separately. the menu is....alright. mainly has carmy written all over it (he has a the seven fishes + cannolis, weird homage to one of the worst nights of his life).

*putting on another pair of shipper goggles to say this makes the whole "you make me better at this" confession, even more mind-boggling bc better at what? you guys haven't even worked together all season. this = life , i rest my case*

in s3 and beyond, im excited for them to truly start working together as partners and actually see them create a dish together.

i want to see how their approaches to creating a dish can help the other.

how sydneys creative process can help carmy

besides the obvious romantic implications of the palette cleanser outing, the potential for them to understand each other on a deeper level in regards to food is something i mourn everyday.

after sydney goes on her trip solo, we see her ride the ferry and just take a look at her surroundings. shes thinking about the food she ate, shes looking at buildings, windows, looking at the snow. all inspiration for a dish.

imagine if carmy was there with her. he would be curious about what she's thinking about, get insight on how she creates and maybe want to learn to see food in a less practical way.

i mean he hadn't drawn in years it seems until he was inspired by sydney and the chaos menu to draw again....now imagine if he didn't ruin the moment by bringing up claire (LMFAO). the point is, sydney naturally sparks creativity and passion in him, even when they aren't together.

i know many people are theorizing that carmy will leave the culinary industry (and i agree most of the time) but i also think sydney is slowly but surely helping him discover/re-discover a passion for cooking. i think that carmy likes that sydney likes to take care of people because subconsciously he knows he does the same thing or has the potential for it (i.e making tiff sprite from scratch when she was experiencing morning sickness). evidenced by fishes (s02e6), care often feels like an obligation (he takes care of drunk donna when shes going through an episode) but it doesnt have to be this way. and now carmy wants to get a star for her....their interests are slowly aligning.

how carmys creative process can help sydney

this isn't as concrete as the one above but i found it interesting thinking about how carmys more pragmatic approach and sydneys idealistic approach can work in tandem.

first scene in pop (s02e5) shows sydney and tina late at night working on the tasting menu. later in the episode we find out that carmy has been pushing back menu planning leaving sydney on her own. she trying an elements concept which is extremly creative and impressive but even tina says, which sydney later agrees, that its a lot for a tasting menu.

im stretching maybe....but based on carmys comment on her risotto from the season before (needs acid) + his practical approach, it seems like he acts like a buffer when sydneys ideas get "a lot".

*in chemistry buffers are solutions added to resist pH changes when acidic and basic components are added*

so if carmy needs to be more creative and sometimes sydneys ambitions gets ahead of her....

sydney is the heart, while carmy is the brain (???)

one cannot work without the other. when they truly come together to create the menu, they both need to learn from one another to elevate the restaurant. not to mention with carmy's italian american roots and syd's Nigerian-Caribbean/southern roots, they have the potential for amazing fusion dishes and real partnership. i and others want the menu to physically reflect both of them.

conclusion

i literally dont know where im going with this. sorta kinda meta but its more like hopes and dreams for next season and me wanting to type my ideas down.

they complement each other well ok? and have potential for a great partnership once they communicate better. i like this part of the definition of yin and yang: Their interaction is thought to maintain the harmony of the universe and to influence everything within it.

carmy and Sydney are the leaders of the bear, their relationship is foundational to the success of their restauarnt and team, once they work together truly, play to their strengths and weaknesses, then will come true harmony in their universe.

bonus

more sydcarm parallels/similaries/differences/yin yang moments:

carmys gold chain, syds silver earrings

carmys white t-shirts, syds white button ups

carmy is bad at math, syds great with numbers

carmy wasn't really great at school, this is sorta fanon but i can imagine syd excelled in school

both wear birkenstocks (more a chef thing but i still think its cute)

sunshine x grumpy trope but like better...usually the sunshine (syd) is more emotionally vulnerable making a space for grumpy (Carm), but they switch positions. carmy allows sydney to be more emotionally vulnerable often initiating deep conversations, while syd is more closed up/guarded

overall tho i think its cute that they are both shy/emotionally stunted but i do think purely aesthetic wise, sydney has a softer exterior ( doe eyes, colourful scarves, awkward) while carmy is more intimidating (tats, smokes, looks angry all the time)

both fight dirty - i.e their individual fights with richie (review, the bear)

carmy tho is more prone to outbrusts of anger/violence while sydney lets that shit shimmer until she explodes on you

both their passcode being 11111

carmy having dark mode on his phone, syd having light mode in s2

their matching clothes moments earlier in the second season and in bolognese

if theres more, pls comment/reblog, bc i always think of this shit and need more to cry about

fin!

credits: gif 1&2 , gif 3 and gif 4

#the bear #sydcarmy #the bear fx #sydney adamu #carmen berzatto #sydcarmy meta #carmen x sydney #chefs kiss #its so late man i dont even care if this doesnt make sense im rambling #the bear meta

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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...

#today in things that stress me out. my academic interests have diverged significant from what i do in the lab #which is nice on one hand bc i am v passionately interested in something sciency again and it feels like its been a while since that #happened. but on the other hand it means that my workaholic tendencies are no longer being applied to my actual job #like im kind of just doing normal hours for like actual job stuff. which stresses me tf out bc i never feel like im doing enough #and my overdoing it has transfered over to drawing way too much in one sitting while listening to paleo podcasts and trying #to memorize the geologic time scale #so im still overextending bc im focused all the time and i dont sleep enough but its not applied to my job #and part of my brain cant handle that so it forces me to suffer no matter what. sigh. stupid exhausting brain #and i know im being irrational about it which somehow makes it worse #but idk i guess maybe its a little more healthy bc im trying to do something i like in my free time. even if im still overdoing it #like idk if i can express how exhausting it is to like something but ur brain forces u to think abt it all the time and feel guilty abt #thst being ur focus but u cant help it. and its like grinding chalk into the sidewalk. i just burn out on the things i like so fast #bc i cant regulate. im astounded that ive been on this narut0 kick for like 7months bc so often my obsession makes me so tired #but here i am. still staying strong dattebayo hahaha. nah it has been nice not to find anything new tho lol #sigh... idk i just got way way too close to like full on mental collapse with my photosynthesis measurements so im trying to get the #warmth back into my body before i have to jump back into that frozen water #i think i have at least another month before the machines get back and then ill have at least 3 or 4 projects to run samples for #was it wise of me to agree to doing all that? no absolutely not. but the data will be interesting #and itll be helpful. and literally no one else wants to do it so here i am. damaging myself for science. ay ay ay #whatever. im going off to do field work next week with my boss so maybe thatll get me out of my head #unrelated

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i-cant-sing · 16 days

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Maybe a dancer reader with your ocs, like they want to still be on stage and fight about it with your oc because they sacrificed a lot to get there and don’t want to waste it. Like how would they react would they let the darling dance on stage with limited audience or?

Hmm, here's how I think it'll go:

Eros:

He wouldnt ever stop you from enjoying life, and he loves watching you dance. Its so graceful, the way your body moves, the emotions youre expressing, its all- so impressive. Eros 100% ditches his duty at the hospital, dresses up super nice to go to the theatre where you're performing, and of course he has the best seat near the stage so you could see your no.1 hype man cheering you on. He is so proudly telling anyone and everyone that "thats my girl!" "I'm dating her! Gosh, I'm lucked out!"

Dimitri:

Probably has a theatre/stage built in his mansion for you to perform in, and the audience will be him and his men. They're all there to clap and cheer you on, but in a very careful way so as to not make Dimitri think they're attracted to you, just admiring your dance.

Its kinda weird watching all these buffed up, tattooed criminals getting front seat to your little hobby and they're all looking at you in complete awe, giving you 7 minute standing ovation, hooting as their boss gets on stage and spins you in his arms before dipping you as he gives you a passionate kiss. Ah yes, Dimitri is also a skilled dancer, though you'll now have to waltz with him for the world.

Magnus:

Guess who brings the entire cult to the show? Its crazy lover boy Magnus! You didnt want to dance, but Magnus knew about your secret hobby and he insisted that you dance for him. You turned him down, of course because you hate him, but then a little threat from the cult to pull your intestines out to hang dry, you were all game <3

At the end of your dance, he's on his knees, along with his cult, and is praising the Lord for giving him such a perfect partner.

Theodore:

You're probably still in the dark about Theo being a spy/assassin, so you dont know that the reason the entire theatre is empty except for him is because Theo used his spy agency to book out the theatre completely for "mission purposes", and you just think that nobody else showed up :( You also dont know that Theo has some guys stationed outside the theatre to knock out/shoot anyone who tries to come in.

But hey, at least your deaf bf is all supportive as he claps and gives you nods of approval at the end of your performance, as well as a big bouquet and teddy bear.

Halim Mehmat Shah:

My man, my himbo bf, he brings his entire family and his bestie Mahir to the show because um of course, this will also be your family soon when you two get married (you're not even dating him atm) so why wouldnt they come to support you????

He's cheering, he's clapping, his family has these proud beaming smiles and they all join you backstage to tell you how amazing you are and you just feel a little weird at how Halim's family, especially his parents are looking at you with such pride- your own family has never looked at you so fondly. Of course, the parents made you take pictures with Halim (and Mahir was also dragged into these photos because he's their angsty adoptive son lol).

Later, you find out that almost all the people who attended the show were connected to the Shah family somehow, and they bought tickets for everyone.

Mahir Jahangir:

He'll look up from his pile of papers, silent as you whine about wanting to dance at the theatre downtown. Mahir knows that you're an exceptionally good dancer, but he doesnt know how to explain to you that he'd much rather burn the world to the ground than let any man look at you like that.

And since he doesnt wanna sound like an insane, jealous s/o, he agrees, giving you a nod to go ahead before picking up his phone to tell his secretary to cater to your requests.

When the day of the show comes, the curtains open and all you see is Mahir and his mom sitting in the front row. They're the only audience, and Mahir's mom is ever so cheerful throughout your performance while Mahir has a soft smile, pride and awe shining in his eyes. Of course, only at the end of the show does Mahir finally clap, giving you a standing ovation as he does so. All his moves, his claps, his praise, they're all calculated, no filler words or actions that dont hold significance are used.

His mother is going on and on about how much she enjoyed the performance, while Mahir is silently waiting for his moment to tell you that he just bought the theatre and is gifting it to you <3

Baldwin:

No.1 cheerleader, has the ballroom booked for you. You'd think he'd have the ballroom empty so that he could get a private show, but no. He has his court in there, praising and clapping at how well you dance, except they're all wearing blindfolds because again- Baldwin doesnt want them to see how well his "angel" dances.

"We can feel how well you dance, your Majesty!" They say to you, but you know by now that they're all just crazy.

What you dont expect is Baldwin to get up and join you mid performance, pulling you close by the waist as he leads your body, waltzing through the entire ballroom with such finesse.

#yandere oc #yandere ocs #yandere x you #male yandere x reader #yandere concept #yandere drabbles #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #yandere x y/n #yandere baldwin #yandere theodore #yandere dimitri #yandere magnus #yandere eros #yandere mahir #yandere halim #king baldwin x reader #baldwin iv

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jayoonology · 1 year

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𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 | 𝐂.𝐘𝐉

𝗮/𝗻 - LMAO I DONT KNOW WHAT POSSESSED ME. I couldn't have written this without @jsungology (thank you sm 😫) but anyways- this is my first ever smut so PLEASE go easy on me.

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 - LOTS OF KISSING, oral (m receiving), possessiveness, voyeurism, slut shaming

𝘄𝗰 - 2.6k

𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 | 𝗻𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻

You stumbled into your apartment, arm in arm with your boyfriend Yeonjun after a long night of partying. The alcohol had definitely gotten to you, making you feel a bit unsteady on your feet. You stumbled forward a bit, causing Yeonjun to tighten his grip on you, steadying you.

As you fumbled with your keys to unlock the door, you could feel Yeonjun's gaze burning into you. Finally, the door swung open, and you both stumbled in, letting out a sigh of relief at being home.

But before you could even take your shoes off, Yeonjun's voice cut through the air like a knife. "What the hell were you doing with Soobin?" You froze, your heart sinking in your chest. You remembered having a few laughs with Yeonjun's friend at the party, but you didn't think anything of it. You certainly weren't flirting with him.

"What are you talking about?" you asked, trying to keep your voice steady.

"Don't play dumb with me, Y/N," Yeonjun growled, his eyes flashing with anger. "I saw you laughing and hanging all over him all night."

"I wasn't flirting with him, Yeonjun. We were just talking and having a good time," you said, trying to reason with him.

But Yeonjun wasn't having any of it. In one swift motion, he grabbed your face, pressing his lips to yours in a frenzy. The tension between you is palpable. You can feel the heat emanating from his body, and it draws you closer to him. Without saying a word, he takes your face in his hands, and his lips meet yours in a fierce, passionate kiss. You can feel his desire for you in the way he holds you, his fingers digging into your skin, pulling you closer to him. The intensity of the moment takes your breath away, and you surrender yourself completely to him. Your tongues dance together, exploring each other with a hunger that only deepens the passion between you.

Pinning you against the bed, pressing his body flush against yours, Yeonjun captures your lips in a desperate kiss. His hot breath fills your mouth as he grabs your hips in an almost bruising grip. You snake your hands into his black hair, twisting the strands between your fingers.

You gasp as he bites down on your bottom lip, your lips parting slightly. He shoves his tongue in your mouth, deepening the kiss. His hands move up your body, feeling up your curves making you shiver.

You break apart, your lips stinging, panting hard. Yeonjun’s hair is dishevelled, and his lips are swollen red. He has never looked more irresistible.

His mouth moves to your neck, kissing and biting, leaving his mark. A whimper leaves your lips as his teeth graze your collarbone. “Yeonjun.. slow down,” You say between kisses, breaking the kiss to breathe “I’m s-sorry.”

Yeonjun growls, gripping your jaw with his big hands. He doesn’t say a single word, taking your face in his hands and pulling you into a deep, passionate kiss. The way his tongue slides against yours sends a shiver down your spine, and you find yourself lost in the sensation. Despite the urgency of what you were trying to say, you can't help but surrender to the moment, to the heat that's building between you.

You feel the heat between your legs grow by the second, Yeonjun knows just how to get you worked up, pinning you deeper into the mattress. His hands slip under your tank top, leaving a trail of goosebumps up and down your back, trailing from your chest to your waist. He groans against your mouth as he moves his hands underneath your shirt.

“No bra?” Yeonjun’s dark eyes bore into yours, making you squirm.

You can only whine in response as he slides a thumb over your nipple, sending electricity rippling through your body, straight between your legs. You gasp as he pinches your nipple, feeling it harden between his fingertips.

He shoves your top up, feeling the dips and curves of your body. His breath is hot against your chest, as he kisses and licks slowly downwards. His tongue swirls the tip of your nipple, and you whimper as he pinches and pulls the other.

Yeonjun pulls you into his lap, your skirt hitching up slightly. His throbbing erection is pressed against your ass and you can feel how much he wants you. Yeonjun groans as you grind your hips against him, to try and create friction to please the throbbing between your legs.

He holds your waist, keeping you still. “Not so fast, baby.” He shoves you off him, standing up. He slowly undoes his zipper, and his trousers fall to the floor. He kicked them out of the way, joining the other pile of discarded clothes.

Your eyes fixate on his barely contained erection, restricted in his underwear. You reach up and slowly pull them down, eyes wide. His cock springs free, and you almost drool. Yeonjun is big. And wide. And how is that gonna fit?

He grabs you by the chin. “Suck it.”

You grab his cock in one hand. Damn, he makes your hand look tiny. You slowly move your hand up and down, your thumb grazing over the head and slit. A small bead of precum is forming at the top. You twist your wrist, as your hand moves faster, Yeonjun groans when you lightly lick the head.

He grips you harshly by the hair. “I said suck it.”

You whimper at the pain. You lick a quick stripe up the bottom of his cock, before leaning forward to wrap your lips around the tip. Your tongue swirling around the head and licking up the precum that leaks from his slit.

You slowly take him inch by inch, your hand twisting around the base. You think you’re doing pretty well, considering his size and all.

Until Yeonjun gets impatient.

He grabs you by the hair and shoves your head all the way down to the base. You gag, tears pricking your eyes, your throat burning. You swallow around him, trying to get comfortable.

“That’s better.”

He drags you back up, only to slam you mercilessly back down into his crotch again. He thrusts his hips to meet your mouth, his groans and gasps filling the air.

“Fuck, baby.” He moaned, his fingers digging into your scalp. “That pretty little mouth of yours is good for something after all.”

You grip his thighs to keep yourself steady, his onslaught relentless. Your eyes roll back into your head and your throat is sore, the head of his fat cock constantly ramming into it. You swallow thickly, drool and saliva leaking out around your mouth, onto his cock.

His pace quickens as he gets closer to his high, his fist in your hair tightening painfully.

“G-good girl…” He gasps out.

You feel warm liquid splash in your mouth as he pulls out, and you quickly swallow, leaving behind a salty taste. You stick your tongue out, silently begging for more, Yeonjun pumps his cock, milking the last few drops for all he's worth.

You close your mouth and swallow again, leaning back against the bed. You close your eyes, smiling in satisfaction. Yeonjun leans down, cupping your cheek, wiping off the cum that had missed your mouth. He kisses you, and this time you're the one pulling him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck, your tongue pushing into his mouth.

You feel a finger trail down the lace of your soaked panties, your head lolling against his shoulder at the contact.

He laughs, moving his finger along your wet patch, slipping a finger into your wet hole. You gasp, surprised, but that’s when he pulls his finger out. “You’re soaking.” He murmurs. His lips curl into a small smile, taking in the pleasure on your face, his eyes flashing as his fingers move to your clit, setting you squirming with want.

He leans forward, kissing you hungrily, his hand pulling your head back towards his while he holds you in place, finger still inside of you.

Your body is on fire, aroused to a degree you’ve never even felt before. Your body is begging him to penetrate you further. His finger moved inside of you rhythmically, while his other finger abused your clit. His thumb presses against your clit, making you shiver. He roughly shoves your thighs apart, as he reaches the apex of his stroke.

"More, Yeonjun.. more." You beg out to him. You are so sensitive in this moment, and you need his fingers in you now more than anything. His left-hand moves from your breast and goes down between your legs and cupped around your throbbing clit. He increases the rhythm of his fingers inside your pussy while licking your clit. You can feel the sensation building inside of you as he slides his fingers in and out.

"Come on, princess" He croons in your ear, almost in a mocking way. His fingers increase the pace as he slides in and out of your sopping pussy. You can feel yourself building up fast. You bite your lips, your mind hazy with pleasure.

You’re about to reach your limit, but yet you desperately want more. You don’t want it to end. You beg him to be with you in any way possible, in fact, you just let out spiralling nonsense about being his fucktoy.

“God, baby you’re such a slut.” He groans out, the sight of you making him hard again, “Do you know that?”

You barely register his words, your eyes rolling back in pleasure. You just feel the heat of his tongue against your clitoris, first licking and teasing it, then pushing inside of you, fast, hard, slicked with the traces of your own juices.

You're about to reach your high, your body shaking in anticipation of your orgasm. You find yourself holding your breath. Your hips grind against Yeonjun's hand, thigh clenching around hand. This is it. You can’t take it anymore. Your hips roll in pleasure, moaning his name in a way you’ve never moaned before. You pushed his head further between your legs as you whined and cried out his name, back arching as your orgasm wracked your body. Your thighs shake as he licks you through your high.

You feel him smile against your skin, “You taste delicious Y/N” The vibrations of his voice reverberating deliciously against your tingly skin.

His chin is covered and he wipes his face with the back of his hand, before shoving the two fingers that had been inside back into your mouth.

You lick the slick that coated them, sucking them clean.

“Did you like that? Did I make you feel good?”

You shakily nod your head as you collapse back into the sheets, your body tired.

“Oh Y/N,” he smirks. “We’re not done yet.”

He roughly grabs your hips, pinching the skin between his fingers, dragging your spent body back towards him. He grabs his cock and you feel him rub his tip up and down your entrance, collecting the fluid that remains there. He wipes the slick up and down his cock, before slowly pushing in the tip.

You gasp, as you feel yourself stretch around him, as he pushes into you inch by inch. Yeonjun jerks his hips, and you let out a cry as he is suddenly all the way inside. He grabs you harshly by the hips, before pulling out and burying himself all the way back in again.

buzz buzz buzz

Your phone vibrates.

Yeonjun pauses.

Your eyes snap open, watching as he silently glances at the screen. He is still for a moment before his face is twisting into a grin. He taps a few buttons, then rests it on the bed next to you.

Your eyes widen as you realise what he's done. Yeonjun picks up his pace again, pressing a single finger to his lips.

“Y/N?” A soft voice sounds from the phone, and you almost cry when you realise who it is.

“Soobin..” You reply back, trying your best to keep your voice even. You bite down on your lips, as Yeonjun just watches you, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Is everything okay? I didn’t see you leave.” The older man’s voice bounces from the phone.

“Y-yeah..” You gasped, trailing off. Your heart feels as if it's in your mouth, beating rapidly faster, your breathing coming out in muffled gasps. Your eyes lock with your boyfriend, his lips twisted in a smug smile, his black hair bouncing.

Soobin sounded concerned. “Are you sure? You sound out of breath.” You hope and pray Soobin didn’t pick up on your low moans, or the sound of Yeonjun’s skin slapping yours.

“Oh my god..” You cover your mouth to try and stifle your moans. Your thoughts started to cloud, mind going hazy. You were near your limit again and right now the only thing that mattered to you was that sweet release.

“Y/N, are you–” Soobin asked, despite already having an idea of what was going on.

Yeonjun presses you impossibly further into the mattress, your legs are jelly, your breaths coming in rapid gasps. Yeonjun laughs, snatching the phone off the bed.

Yeonjun laughs into the phone, watching you get undone beneath him. He moves the phone closer to you, letting Soobin hear your sweet moans. On the other side of the line, Soobin stands against the wall in a crowded room, the tent in his trousers only getting more obvious. Unable to keep your moans in, you whined on the bed as Yeonjun hit that spot inside you.

“Hear that, Soobin?” Yeonjun shoves two fingers into your mouth, pumping them slowly, making you gag, and sob in pleasure. “Hear how good I make her feel?” And with that Yeonjun hangs up.

Yeonjun groans against your neck, his movements becoming unsteady as he gets closer and closer. Your left mumbling and moaning incoherently, your legs feel like jelly, and you can barely think as pleasure takes over your brain, rolling over you in waves as you orgasm. He keeps moving, making you cry out and shake, begging him to stop, your body still overly sensitive. Yeonjun is soon to follow, burying himself deep inside you as he cums.

Yeonjun looked at you with a soft expression as he gently traced his fingers over the marks he had left on your skin. You were still panting, your body feeling weak and spent, but the sex had so been worth it.

"I'm sorry for getting jealous earlier," he murmured, his voice laced with concern.

"It's okay," you reassured him, "I understand why you got upset."

Yeonjun moved to sit up, his arms wrapping around you and pulling you into a tight embrace. He held you close, gently rubbing your back as you both caught your breath.

You looked up at him, cupping his face in your hands and forcing him to meet your gaze. "You won't lose me," you promised. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

Yeonjun leaned down to kiss you, his lips gentle and loving. He didn't need to say anything more; his actions spoke louder than words ever could. He cared about you deeply, and he was willing to do whatever it took to keep you in his life.

You reached out and took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I love you, Yeonjun. You don't have anything to worry about."

Yeonjun smiled at you, his eyes filled with love. "I love you too, more than anything in this world."

#txt #txt x reader #tomorrow x together #txt imagines #txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #yeonjun #choi yeonjun #yeonjun x reader #yeonjun imagines #yeonjun hard hours #yeonjun hard thoughts #yeonjun smut #txt smut

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soothinglee · 4 months

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now it’s different; i am the one inlove...

jeongin x reader | 3.3k✔︎ | mainly his point of view.

my notes⎯ whew. this is the longest fic i've ever posted and i can't lie and say it wasn't a pain. originally i got this idea from listening to "morning dew" like 100 times and thought it would be perfect to write something for i.n.

warnings⎯ somewhat angsty, poor writing, some cursing, doubts, and humorous dialogue (so sorry if you dont find me funny).

genre⎯ eventual friends to lover, angst.

songs⎯ morning dew; xavier wulf | a new kind of love; frou frou

⎯catalog for skz✰ | requests r open

12.03.23 | 4:04 p.m;

it had been ten minutes since you left jeongins’ side to aid seungmin in teasing changbin. the frigid weather turning your breaths to smoky clouds as you laugh at one another.

jeongin rests in his spot on the park bench, if you ask, he’ll simply say he cannot join in on the fun due to the stiffness in his joints, and not the fact that an unwavering feeling of jealousy is creeping through his bones like wildfire.

he can’t help but narrow his eyes at the skinship you give felix, reaching up to brush the snowflakes out of his bangs, threading your fingers in his when you spot a squirrel resting in a tree; dragging him towards the spot before the rodent runs off.

jeongin hates physical touch with a burning passion. there would never not be a time where he didn’t push one of his hyungs off of him. he didn’t like when bangchan would suprise back hug him, or when hyunjin would randomly sit in his lap and pester him.

yet when he looks at the way you interact with the other members, he cant help but wonder what it would feel like with his hands in yours. running around the white colored park, throwing snow at eachothers faces, trying not to slip on the ice while playing tag with everyone else.

you weren't shy to affection, jeongin knew that for a fact. so there wasn't any real reason for him to be scared to go up to you and initiate a hug or a hand hold. but the overwhelming feeling he's been trying to hide for the last two years is holding him back.

yang jeongin has the biggest crush on you. he just wont admit it.

all the other members can see it clear as day, they don't hesitate to tease him about it when you aren't around; sometimes they do it infront of you but they are somewhat discreet about it.

"you're staring again." a muffle voice comments beside him. jeongin flinches at the sudden sound, he had been sitting by himself silently for a little longer than he had expected. "keep it up and she'll think you're a creep."

jeongin raises up his fist towards hyunjins face to which the man backs away quickly, "shut it." he threatens, he turns his attention back towards you, watching you get a piggyback ride through the snow by bangchan. he holds back a scoff.

hyunjin shrugs, readjusting his scarf around his face. the tip of his nose peeks through the fabric, it's color matches his ears; dusted a cherry red, "i'm not lying. even just watching you watch her is making me uncomfortable," he shivers to further his point, jeongin lightly shoves him. "i don't know why you wont just tell her."

jeongin feels his blood run cold contrast to the heat in his cheeks. he gives a quick glance towards hyunjin who watches him expectantly. "i don't know what you're talking about." he mumbles, adjusting his body on the wooden bench. he's been sitting for so long that his butt is growing numb.

"i.n-ah!"

"what?" he says, "i don't have any feelings for her, i'm only just looking. it's not illegal or did the laws suddenly change?"

jeongin swivels his head exasperatedly to look at hyunjin only to find him staring back with a wide grin. jeongin raises an eyebrow.

after a moment of staring, hyunjin lightly murmurs, "i never said anything about having a crush on her." his grin widens.

in that moment panic flushes through jeongins body and he's quick to clamp a hand over hyunjins mouth. "shut up. shut up dude."

"YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON Y/N." hyunjins voice comes out muffled underneath jeongins glove but he can still hear it very clearly. he just hopes no one else (more specifically you) hears it aswell.

"you liar, i do not! hyung, please stop screaming, i swear-!"

"you guys alright?" a third voice pipes up. both of them turn and see you standing a couple inches away, bare hands shoved in pockets looking like a swaddled marshmallow. you were covered head to toe in snow, proof of the snowball fight you had with felix lingered on your clothing. the apples of your cheeks moved with every sniff you took and jeongin couldn't help but mentally compare you to a bunny.

he immediately released hyunjin, who stayed in his backed up postion grinning at him. "yeah." he cringes at the way his voice cracked out of nerves, or the way his palms started to sweat despite the cold.

"are you sure?" you question, looking at hyunjin then back at him, "i thought i heard a scream."

"no-"

"-you did." hyunjin interjects, slapping a hand on jeongins back. his body jostles forward at the contact. "but it was nothing, right i.n? just some light teasing."

jeongin grunts through his teeth, "yeah. harmless."

you nod, unsure that it's the whole truth, "okay..." you point behind you, gesturing over towards the disfigured snow man whose bottom half lay smaller than its top, it's eyes on opposite sides of its face. "well if you're sure...i'll just go back."

before you can fully turn around, two heavy hands place itself on your shoulders to halt your movements, "no, you should stay and take a break. you've been moving around a lot. i'll finish your snowman with changbin."

you look at hyunjin, eyebrows scrunched together, "are you sure? you don't need to do that, we're almost finished anyway-."

hyunjin looks towards the figure and back towards you, "-no the hell you aren't. don't worry," he reassures, taking a deep breath. you can almost see the captains hat form on his head. "leave it to the artist."

he gives you a light push towards the empty spot next to jeongin, his butt print out lined in the snow on the seat. he turns around and calls out to changbin, "yah! it looks like shit! let me take over!"

"eh? you don't know jack about making a snowman!"

"i know more than you do, genius!" his voice fades away as his stumbles down the hill and towards a grumpy changbin.

you can't help but let out a giggle at the twos bickering. "something is wrong with them."

jeongin tries to nod in agreement but finds himself frozen.

at the lack of a response you turn towards him and see him tense in his spot, "are you okay?" concern drips from your voice as you lean towards him.

he hums quietly, giving you a brief glance and then returning his attention to hyunjin kicking over the snowman. "'m good."

you only nod and face forward.

a couple minutes go by as nothing else is exchanged. your hands begin to freeze due to the lack of heat to your fingers. you pull them out to send a few frosty puffs of air to at least try to heat them up but it doesn't work; you can practically see the icicles grow from your nails.

"it's so cold." you comment, rubbing your hands together.

jeongin perks up at your voice instantly, looking over at the way your shoulders shiver and the weak attempt at warming yourself up. before he even realizes it, he's pulling off his own mittens. "where are your gloves?" he questions, no hints of mockery in his croaky voice.

"gave them to han." you comment, smiling softly, "lee know took his when they were fighting and he wouldn't stop whining about how he was going to have to get his fingers amputated, so i gave him mines."

jeongin can't help the smile making its way to his face at your selflessness. you were always like that, worrying about others before yourself. it was admirable but he wishes you didn't do it as much.

"what about your hands?" he questions, holding out his own pair to you. you kindly reject his offer, pushing away his hands as he tries to force them onto yours.

"what about them?" you retort, "i was keeping them busy, with all the movement it gave me enough warmth."

he can't help but roll his eyes. he gives one last attempt at taking your hands and lets out a little cheer when you relent and give them up. jeongin feels his eyes widen as he looks at the purple color nipping at your fingers, sure you'll get frostbite later. he quickly slides on the wool gloves (much faster than he would've liked- it would've been nice to hold your hands a little longer) and watches satisfied when you lean back on the bench with a relaxed sigh.

with your eyes closed, basking in the new warmth, the feeling of the snowflakes hit the bridge of your nose tickles as you try to brush them off. you can't help the childish giggles that escape you as you scrunch your nose in retaliation.

and jeongin can't help but watch.

all he wanted to do was deny, deny, deny his feelings for you.

he didn't want to complicate the relationship you had built up since you joined the group. he was the first person you talked to, he saw how anxious you were and did everything he could to make you feel comfortable, despite the fact that he was relatively new too and couldn't do much.

sure you were close with all the other members, but you and jeongin had a connection. something deep down that made your tummy hum and your head feel cloudy. every time he was near you he felt- cheesy enough- complete.

jeongin doesn't like you like that.

he couldn't.

"just friends." he thinks, watching as you turn to him with a smile that makes his heart hurt. "just friends."

12.05.23 | 8:23 p.m;

it had been a couple days since you all went to the park and you can already feel the sickness creeping up your throat.

most of the tea in the house was gone due to the other 8 contracting colds left and right. so when you go into the cabinet to make you another fix it wasn’t surprise to see that the options were limited.

what was surprising was that your chamomile tea, which you bought for yourself only (and jeongin) was sat empty on the shelf.

“son of a-.” you start, turning back towards the rooms lined the hallway, “which one of you bitches drank my tea?”

“me, sorry,” a voice echoes down the hall, “i ran out of mine and yours was the only one that looked good.”

jisung.

“i lend you my gloves and this is how you repay me?” you shout back, opting for some black tea instead, turning on the stove. “just for that you have to do my chores for the next week!”

it’s silent for a concerning second, and then a loud, throaty cough, “girl, fuck you!”

before you could spit out a long winded response, full of curse words you didn’t even know could be strung together, a gentle hand was placed on your back.

“you need to relax, you’ll raise your blood pressure, grandma.”

you turn around and see jeongin standing there with a mask around his face. he’s clad in a matching tracksuit, it was a size too big so it hung off his shoulders, allowing you to see the tank strap he had on underneath.

good lord.

“i’m legit only a couple months older than you.” you retort, pointing a wooden spoon at his face, “not too much on me.”

he laughs and raises his hands in defense, “i apologize.” he does you a favor and starts to put water in the kettle, “if it’s really that serious, i could just go out and get more for you. you don’t have to kill han over it.”

you watch as he places the kettle on the stove and ignites the burner, “i would be doing lee know a favor.”

he laughs again and allows you to take over. “plus you’re sick too.” you add, watching steam slowly blow out of the hole, “i don’t want you to go out and take care of me when you’re in the same state. that ain’t right.”

jeongin says nothing for a moment, trying to find the right words to say. he doesn’t want to lay out all his cards on the table, his confession riddle with coughs and pit stops to wipe his nose. but he wants to say that he doesn’t care that’s he’s sick. that he’ll go back to a few days ago and give you the coat off his back if you asked.

to be honest, just like the gloves, you wouldn’t have to.

he’ll willingly give you anything. even the world if you truly wanted it.

ugh, cheesy.

he pulls out his phone and leans against the counter next to you, "if you wont let me get it, i'll just doordash it."

you perk up, "you can doordash tea?"

jeongin nods and grins, facing the app towards you were the jewel-osco section is pulled up, "uh-yeah? you didn't know that?"

you scoff, "no? i'm not a online food delivery freak like the rest of you."

"you say that until you're asking me to order you some take out at like one in the morning."

you roll your eyes and push him out the way jokingly. the kettle begin to whistle like felix trying to hit a high note and you pour the hot water into the mug. "watch it." you pull down another cup from the cabinet, "and please don't spend your money on me. save it for something better."

jeongin raises an eyebrow, "like what? more clothes?" he jokes, clicking place order. "it's fine. i like buying things for you. even if its something small." small was definitely not the right word after he just spent 10 dollars on a tiny box of packets.

you can't help the heat that rises to your cheeks and turn your back to him, finding sudden interest in the tea in front of you. "i'll pay you back later."

"no need." he says, voice coming out softer than he intended, "like i said, i like buying stuff for you." he watches as your hands pause putting the sachets in the mugs and takes over, "i got it."

you have to force the thank you out of your throat as you stare up at him. maybe its because you're sick, but the lightheaded feeling becomes intense and you have to grip the sides of the counter to stabilize yourself. you watch as his hands move with ease, adding the sugar, then the honey to each respective mug.

he says nothing more, but he doesn't need to really say anything. the intense look on his face voices his thoughts a lot more than he wanted to let on, just like a few days ago. something was on his mind, he just wasn't saying what.

"are you okay?" you ask gently, laying a hesitant hand on his mid-back. you can feel him tense underneath your touch for a spilt second and then his body relaxes. he looks towards you quickly, giving a stiff smile. he pushes the finished tea towards you, your hands incase the hot cup before the liquid can spill over.

"mhm." his fingers dance over the rim of his drink, "why wouldn't i be?"

"i dunno." you reply, "you just look...overwhelmed."

"well, i am sick." he smirks, pulling down his mask to his chin, "everything is a little overwhelmed right now."

you shove him lightly, careful of the cup in his hands, "you know that's not what i mean!" he laughs, "but...you do know you can talk to me right? like, you know i wont judge, right?"

he knows that, in a million years, that you were never critical to his feelings. for as long as he could remember the two of you were going to each other for problems that you couldn't solve alone. but this was a different feeling. and if he were to tell you, he could be ruining a relationship that took a long time to build up. why ruin that rapport for something like a silly crush?

but he couldn't help but wonder if you felt the same? there had been many times where some of the other boys said that you felt the same, even though it wasn't there business to get involved (they do not care). but jeongin knew how they could be. spreading misinterpreted lies to egg on something that most likely isn't true in the first place. they had a tendency to mix up words so why would now be any different?

he's spent all of this time convincing himself that what he felt for you wasn't crush like behaviors. just a good friend looking out for another.

but friends dont get jealous when the other holds another's hand. friends dont get jealous when the other gives another more attention. friends dont have the urge to take them on dates, or have their contact be more than platonic, or to kiss the other.

maybe hyunjin has a point, maybe he does like you.

jeongin feels that if his heart continues on like this, it could stop at any moment. "death by seemingly unrequited love." would look hella embarrassing on his tombstone.

out of all the situation he has been alone with you, why did his heart and mind choose now to tell you? maybe it's the sickness making him vulnerable but he feels a rush of confidence surge through his veins.

"actually," he starts, a nervous shake rattles his vocal cords. he refuses to make eye contact with you, finding interest in his scorching hot cup, "there is something i need to tell you."

you posture immediately straightens and you place down your mug, giving him your undivided attention. usually he loves it, now its burdensome, "oh? what is it?"

the tea shakes under his hold and he mentally curses it for exposing his fear. he wants to do it so bad, it'll be okay, he tries to convince himself. just let it out.

"i've been trying to convince myself for a while that what i feel isn't true but i think i should tell you now."

you nod, urging him to go on.

he takes a deep breath, he isn't trying to stall but the way his insides buckle is making it hard to find the words.

he started it, now he just has to finish.

"y/n, I...," he pauses, "y/n I lik-" before he can get it out there's a big crash coming from down the hall. heavy footsteps stop at the kitchens entrance and lee know stands there covered in bubbles.

"what the hell happened?" you comment, rushing over to him while holding back a laugh. he looks like the pillsbury dough boy standing there eagle spread.

lee know coughs and you swear you see several suds fly from his mouth. "seungmin. i'll kill him, i swear i will."

you let out a laugh and brush the soap from his shoulders. it takes you a second to remember but when you do you turn back around to look at jeongin, "i'm so sorry what were you saying?" you start to say only to find the tea he was drinking abandoned on the counter.

"jeongin?"

jeongin barely hears you call out his name as he rushes down the hall and towards his room. he can't help the tears that brim in his eyes and he starts to feel pathetic wiping them away.

what the hell was he thinking? admitting he liked you was hard enough on himself, so why did he think admitting it to you was a good idea?

as he sits on his bed, he can't help but feel a piece of him gone. you most likely didn't know where he was getting at, you didn't know that he was confessing to you in that moment. but the embarrassment of him understanding his words were worse. there was no way he could face you after that. for his own dignity.

as he cries he can't help but think;

it's always different, i am the one in love.

part 2?

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