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#i don’t think i need to tag this in the anti tag but lmk

obeymycok · 2 years

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MC’s Demon Form - Belphegor

Just to be clear, MC can use all their forms. This is just the one that the brothers first saw MC in. If you haven’t read the setup for these headcanons, as well as the pact headcanons that explain what’s happening here, I strongly recommend you do so (they will be linked below) Otherwise, on with the reactions!

EVERYONE IN THE TAGLIST: Please let me know in the comments if you would like to be on my general taglist as well for everything I write, thank you!

Taglist: @trashlord-007 @waldeinsamkeit600 @simpinginthecorner @xxgenderenvyxx @q-ueue

Pact Headcanons Setup

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“MC!!!” Mammon shouted as he sprinted to the fallen beast followed closely by the rest of the brothers. Apparently, too close. Mammon stopped dead in his tracks, feet still sliding over the dirt as his brothers crashed into him at full force. They all got up ready to curse him out, but the sight in front of them quickly shut them up.

There you were, but you looked like..?

Belphegor...

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Lucifer

What?

That’s not what he expected

Obviously upset it’s not him, but doesn’t hold a grudge when he finds out you have a form for every demon

Please do not let Belphegor’s sin stop you from keeping up with training and RAD homework

Mammon

“OI! I’m yer first man, you should be using ME as your protector!”

He’s salty but show off your greed form for a bit and he’ll be fine

Willing to give piggy back rides if you’re tired

Let your first man do his duties dammit!

Leviathan

Obviously jealous, but he’s happy for Belphie

If anyone knows insecurity, it’s Levi and he knows Belphie still feels insecure about his relationship with you after what happened in the attic

Avatar of Envy pushes his jealousy aside to be happy for his lil bro

Let's you sleep on his Ruri-chan body pillow

Satan

Hopefully another menace to join the Anti Lucifer League

Seriously though, he’s very happy for Belphie

If he doesn’t already, he’ll read to you when you wanna nap or just don’t feel like doing anything

Once again, craves watching you tear some shit up

Asmodeus

He just thinks you’re absolutely adorable💖🥺

Wants to take you shopping so you guys can get matching silk bed sets

He’s actually rather calm about the whole thing compared to every other reaction of his

Guess even the narcissist can be truly happy for his baby brother

Beelzebub

He’s so happy he’s literally sobbing, not even getting words out, choking on air type shit

He just grabs the both of you and does not let go

Once he stops sobbing he literally turns into an excited Mammon

“I’ll pick up some Super Spicy Newt Chips and all the ingredients to make Belphie’s favorite soup and maybe even some sushi...OH MC could we maybe get some human world cheeseburgers before we leave I’ll buy enough for everyone🥺👉👈”

Belphegor

He’s frozen in place trembling as the tears pour down

Even after he....you still...you...he just can’t believe you’d want anything to do with him let alone his demon form and using his magic to protect yourself

“S-s-stupid h-hu-man...” and he breaks down as Beel and you hugged him for dear life

The Attic Sandwich Club needs to have an emergency session ASAP

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And the series is finished! Thank you to everyone who read all the parts and definitely lmk if you want more of this type of stuff and feel free to send ideas/requests! All parts will be tagged in my masterlist and the Setup post at the top :)

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daz4i · 1 year

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time for an official pinned introduction post!

🔥 hello, i’m dan, i’m 25, and i go by it/its!

🧐 currently posting mostly about bsd, but that will change in the future and that is a promise

🤔 i don’t tag fandoms/ships/characters unless i’m asked, but if it’s smth i post a lot i will probably say no. i do try my best to tag trigger warnings, feel free to ask if you need smth tagged, or lmk if i missed smth!

👀 i might post slight nsfw stuff sometimes, but i try not to post anything too explicit, and i try to appropriately tag/use community labels on those. again, lmk if i missed anything!

❗ i often post about topics like blood, cannibalism, and death, and i don’t tag text posts about them. if this is something you find uncomfortable, i’d recommend not following me, sorry!

😔 please don’t follow me if you’re anti otherkin/fictionkin, anti self shipping, or think aces/aros don’t belong in lgbt+ spaces

🔞 please don’t follow if you’re under 18. also, i probably won’t follow ageless blogs back, sorry

😬 stuff i need tagged: antisemitism, eating disorders, medical stuff in general like hospitals and such (got “medical” as a catch-all for that)

✨ i’m a kinnie and a self shipper. feel free to send asks or dms about it, i’d love to talk about it and meet more ppl from these communities :)

🫡 add me:

mayoi: 590394090987

hsr: 718218765

nukani: 833785519 (use my friend code too: SUYPNU)

feel free to ask for my discord if we’ve talked before!

ao3 / spotify / gore blog / dm or ask off anon for nsfw blog

analysis masterpost

uquiz masterpost

#i have definitely forgotten smth so i might edit this post in the future 👍#pinned #like if you read :?

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bhaalitsm · 1 year

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intro post. . .

❛ 🥩｡七情 Lumenwood Kins

⊂ dikke⠀manto₂ . she/he

; 9teen⠀. genderfluid lesbian

⠀⠀⠀⠀ freq. ! 🛢

⠀⠀ →⠀⠀⠀[O1] [O2] [O3] ◞

⠀⠀ !🪳⠀⠀⠀[O4] [O5] [O6]◞

🥀 wasian jew manhater 🏚️

╰⭔ . rentry. carrd . . 🪓

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀🚬(￣▽￣*)ゞ

𐚁̸⠀⠀⠀ girlfriend . . . < 3

front :: ꩜ꖛ⏤͟͟͞͞★⤵

⠀ -fiction is my primary coping outlet, I have lots introjects or alters who appear physically as characters

discord :: umayon (just lmk ur from tumblr)

instagram :: umayoning

:readmore:

interests :: | red = special interest |

MOVIES spiderverse, Avatar, Avatar: The Way of Water, Us, Nope, Nightmare on elm street, Texas chainsaw massacre, the Saw franchise, Hellraiser, Killer Klowns from Outerspace, Bottoms, Get Out, Scream, basically all horror

SHOWS Skylanders, Game of Thrones, House of the dragon, ANY GORDON RAMSEY SHOW J LOVE GORDON RAMSEY I WATHC ALL HIS SHOWS, The Boys >>>>>

MUSIC The living tombstone, tryhardninja, jtmachinma, Reol, Walküre, Uma musume pretty derby, Dagames, Ado, most fnaf and vocaloid music, fish inside a birdcage, Atarashii Gakko,

ANIMES HxH, Chainsaw man, Uma musume pretty derby, Naruto, Macross Delta, School Live Club, Corpse Party, Ao Oni, Demon Slayer, JJBA

GAMES Uma Museum Pretty Derby, Skylanders, Puppet Combo, Bloodborne, Darkest Dungeon, Elden Ring, Dark Deception, The Quarry, Ark Survival Evolved, DBD, IDV, League of Legends, Call of Duty, Red Dead Redemption, Apex Legends, Borderlands, FNAF, Don't Starve, Pokemon, God of War, Resident Evil, Splatoon, tealerland, ao oni, My singing monsters, Attack on Time, Baldurs Gate 3, Fear and Hunger, Splatoon

YOUTUBERS CORYXKENSHIN IM HIS BIGGEST FAN IVE BEEN WITH HIM SINCE 4k SUBS!!! Manlybadasshero, astralspiff, superhorrorbro, fusionZgamer, Charborg, Bedbannanas, Lore Lodge

OTHERS Creepypasta, Missing 411, Dyatlov Pass, Korovina Group Incident, Horses, My job (haunted house,) Dinosaurs, Junji Ito, Keychains, Collecting, M&Ms, Шайлушай

變 : not really interested in engaging with syscourse though I might occasionally, I am mostly anti-endo (pro conversation), though the majority of that is due to co-opting of terminology, cultural appropriation, spreading of misinformation, overall attitude towards systems, and general redirection of resources away from trauma victims : neutrals feel free to interact, pro-endos can as well if you aren’t obnoxious about it 💊

𖧧 : endos who do not do any of the following feel free to int:: you do not use any medical system terms, do not use the word “sysmed”, are not appropriating or in support of appropriating cultures (tulpas), do not spread misinformation about DID/OSDD research, are educated on the DID/OSDD diagnostic criteria, and do not actively take sources away from trauma victims 🥩 my stance is that you do not need trauma to be plural, but you do need trauma to be a system. Me being anti-endo isn’t saying I don’t think you exist, I’m saying your plurality is not systemhood and you need to stop forcing yourselves into our spaces.

♡ Don’t call me plural, do not use plural pronouns, don’t call my alters headmates⚡️ not listing triggers, mutuals tag aggressive yelling, dog fights, and “as long as it’s consensual” phrase thank you

- Did not think I’d need to say this but proshippers dnfi, if you comment on any of my posts you’re asking for an IP reveal

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heathersproship · 2 years

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Storytime!

Earlier tonight I was on r/AO3, right? And this person comes on like “hot take!” I can’t remember the rest of the title but it was something about how they think there shouldn’t be any “porn” featuring adults moslesting minors on AO3 but the site didn’t agree with them.

They got a strike on their account because they decided it was a good idea to go into someone’s fic and tell them off for writing what was most likely a rated E properly tagged underage rape/non-con adult x minor DD:DNE fic (no idea what fandom, if you know an “Airy” and there’s an infant whose name starts with a C, it’s that one) and that wasn’t enough so they came to reddit (ofc) to bitch some more. They even added a whole “and before you smartasses decide to talk” they acknowledged they saw tags and one of the them was “A rapes C!” so clearly the author’s getting off to it and must be stopped! OP’s not wrong for harassing someone over fiction they chose to engage with, nooooo!

So they’re going on the usual spiel of “this is DISGUSITNG HOW CAN UOU DEFEND IT AAAAAAAAAAAAJAHWISHSJ!1!1!2!!2!1!!” and ofc they do the classy “oh you’re a pedo! And you deserve to die in graphic detail!” in response to someone. At one point someone called them an anti and they were so fucking triggered good fucking god.

Eventually a mod steps in and says “you’re allowed to dislike fictional content, but you are NOT allowed to wish death on people.”

And this idiot straight up says:

“I don’t wish death on people. I wish death on people who think it’s okay to get off to little kiddies being molested by adults!”

I paraphrased the last half of the second sentence cuz I honestly don’t remember and it’s not there anymore so I can’t double-check, but you see the problem don’t you? Immediate contradiction. Amazing.

That’s all lol. It was a wild maybe 40 minutes. The thread got locked, deleted, and the user got temp banned from the sub. I reported a few things they’d said and got a message a bit ago saying as such.

Also while this was going down I made the mistake of looking at their post history and they were asking some gross shit. Like literally they were asking about their shit. I quickly left lol.

If anyone needs anything tagged lmk!

#proship #proshippers please interact #proshipper safe #antis dni #antis don’t interact #anti anti #anti harassment #what is your damage Heather?

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starrbeast · 10 months

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intro post

-> name: siren, star, or aether

-> pronouns: they/them

-> 20, lesbian, disabled, nonhuman

——

‘types

-> dragonkin

moss: brown and green forest lung dragon, covered in thick fur. most art has a shark tail but i’m not super sure about that anymore lol (also possibly a white and aqua form too, but i’m unsure)

naolin: green and pink sea dragon. white base, green spots, shark tail, pink mane

-> catkin

star: pink and purple calico furry lol

sol: somali cat

brown and white cats

pretty much every kind of cat tbh

-> kitsune therian

aether: red, red markings

aether: silver, blue markings

aether: arctic, light blue markings

aether: marble, purple markings

-> gryphon

alduin: bearded vulture gryphon, around 7ft at the shoulder. my daemon, but also me, if that makes sense

-> probably other stuff that i’m not thinking of tbh

-> other considerations, like shark, elf, satyr, whatever

——

byf

-> dni is the general shit— queerphobe, proship, pro-contact para, incest, maps, anti-nonhuman, yada yada yada. + homestuck, yandere, trauma core + hospital core, discourse blogs

-> i may occasionally talk about discourse-related topics but i don’t want to talk about that shit forever. if you start arguing with me and expecting a bunch of answers i’m just gonna block you.

-> cool with being tagged (to mention me and to show me stuff + picrew chains)

-> cool with being referred to as person/people, human is okay too (tho i do prefer being referred to as an animal/critter/creature/whatever)

-> absolutely open to be friends if you’re over 18

-> i am partially visually impaired. i try to id all of my photos and make things as legible as possible for myself and others, but sometimes i make mistakes. please let me know if i need to fix anything!

——

tags

-> siren song: my text posts

-> kin art: art of myself

-> sirens art: other art

-> kinlike: me fr

-> catkin: kitty stuff

-> dragonkin: dragon stuff

-> gryphonkin: gryphon stuff

-> starfall grove: hearthome

-> cool art: cool art

-> yearning: dreamy sigh

-> treasures: treasure reblogs

-> sirens hoard: my treasures

-> kitsune things will always be on @kitsuaeth

i don’t always tag for triggering things but if you send me something and lmk i should tag something i absolutely will :)

——

in order: star, moss, naolin, alduin

#intro post

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jellyfishmakeoutparty · 2 years

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this is my introduction post for my blog, but it’s imperative to keep these resources accessible to my followers.

🍉 CONTACT YOUR LOCAL REPRESENTATIVES/ PETITIONS TO CALL FOR A CEASEFIRE ON PALESTINE 🍉

U.S citizens:

- text 50409 to send a letter to your local representatives. it takes less than five minutes and all you have to do is reply with your info when prompted like your address, name, etc.

Canadian citizens:

- petition for the House of Commons to call for a ceasefire:

https://www.ourcommons.ca/petitions/en/Petition/Sign/e-4661?fbclid=PAAaZUHr6i3fYcFxXk2DVpDK-4gMmRh8dpYc8OUVfX_CiHnDdz_XRQ-6a2NkY_aem_AWrhH0qfTG053NBYcDTV2wtuS02FiTWn-q0ijQIEhyeFvs4_cqPCNqjiVGZFFmWGUp8

this is a genocide, not a war. use your voice— call your representatives, email them, text them, CONTACT them. attend protests if you can & be safe. share on-ground footage from Palestinian journalists and citizens, amplify Palestinian voices. use your voice to advocate for the basic human right to life. your voice is not useless when there’s thousands, hundreds of thousands, shouting for a ceasefire with you.

from River to sea, Palestine will be free.

•

introduction post!!

hi!! I’m mora or ray! I use he/him pronouns (I’m non-binary) n I’m bi, aroace n polyamorous!! I really love marine biology so you’ll probably find a lot of that on here.

I also have a shop! I make handmade marine biology earrings and stickers! —> @eelmaniashop , @eel. mania on insta!

some of the things I primarily post include:

- marine biology - polyamorous stuff - aroace stuff - general queer stuff - general nature stuff

^ but also I just post whatever I feel like!! those r what I mainly post tho

my DNI list:

- DNI if you are: proship, Zionist, homophobic, transphobic, aphobic (anti-queer); racist, ableist, or in general a bigot. identity policing is also not tolerated here. there’s no need to be a bigoted asshole here or ever.

- also pls dni if you’re an nsfw account!! I have absolutely no problem with u it’s just that nsfw can make me super uncomfy since I’m very sex repulsed most of the time!! you absolutely keep doing ur nsfw thing tho have fun!! thank u :}}

tag guide:

- #reblog — reblogs

- #post — my own posts!

- #askjellyfishmakeoutparty / #jellyfishmakeoutparty — me answering asks!

-> other commonly used tags;

- #marine biology / #marine bio — marine bio posts related to the ocean!

- #ichthyology — all fish content, including freshwater

- #freshwater — for freshwater bio content

- #lgbtq+ / lgbtq — lotsa queer content!

other blogs:

- @sundayseaclownery is my witchcraft sideblog where I compile witchcraft info

- as previously mentioned, @eelmaniashop for my Etsy shop!

—

- I try to mark my posts with content warnings and trigger warnings for both things like thalassaphobia for my marine bio content and bigotry and death for queer content.

- I’m always up for civil discussion and debate, especially since I primarily post wildlife-related content. please correct me on any incorrect information I post about marine science and in general. like for realsies it’s no biggy!! i love learning and I don’t wanna spread misinformation

- also if u just wanna say hi or discuss marine bio together or smth pls shoot me a message!! I may not be the best at responding but I totally love meeting new people with similar interests!!

- also also!! in regards to my policies with my posts/blog interaction: spam liking is totally okay!! I also tend to respond late to asks bc I often don’t have the energy to immediately, but PLS KNOW I LOVE ASKS!! I have the best time talking abt stuff n meeting new people

I think that’s it?? if u have any questions lmk!! have fun on my silly blog :}}

#introduction post #pinned post

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astralaffairs · 3 years

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put a ring on it 05 | philip hamilton

title: put a ring on it 05

pairing: philip hamilton x reader

words: 9.5k

warnings: another stupid cliffhanger, death mentions?, not much tbh

desc: You’ve never liked Philip Hamilton, and have always assumed the feeling has been mutual. But when you’re roped into pretending to be his girlfriend for a family reunion, you feel all your truths beginning to melt away, and find them instead taking form in his smile.

tags: @beepbeepstop @stargazelaurens @ivory-haired-queens @exoticxchicken8 @assbuttstyles777 @superbarriobrothers @tf2germanvillain @ela-ena @abundant-stars @heytheredee-lilah @katierpblogg @thisshitfucks @celyndavies @quixoticallydelusional @sothisishappiness @ems-alexandra @yxseminx @sadhwstudent @aiifandomsunite @loonaynay @valleryhyde @lxncelot @checkurwindow @katierpblogg @alievans007@nyxie75 @ii-moonlight-ii @sothisishappiness @ems-alexandra @elegantbutedgy @maxi-ride @moose-on-the-l00se @itshaileyn @someinsanefangirl @theirishhufflepuff @golddiggs-x @drreamhugs @sillyteecup @notebookgirl30 @marvelouslyemily @checkurwindow @kmsmedine - lmk if u wanna b added

"Patsy, you've gotta help me. I'm freaking out."

You were slumped on the floor of the Hamiltons' bathroom by then, praying that no one would come and knock, ask to use it. To your relief, when you called, Patsy picked up the phone without hesitation - she'd been on alert, waiting for your SOS all weekend. However, the emergency call you were making didn't quite match the one she was expecting.

"Oh, god; what'd he do?" your roommate groaned from the other end of the line. "Am I gonna need to kick his ass the minute you two get back to town?"

"Shockingly, no," you mumbled, letting out a soft huff as your absent gaze fell to the green wall before you. "I... have a much different problem."

"What, did you fuck one of his cousins? Did the woman who offered to be your sugar mama a while back end up being his aunt?" Despite your state of panic, her words made you smile as you rolled your eyes. "Wait, holy shit, did you fuck him?"

You grimaced at her final question. While it didn't hit the mark, it was far too close to it for your comfort. "No, I absolutely did not."

"So what's the issue, then?"

"I... oh, god, you're definitely gonna make fun of me for this," you sighed, and Patsy didn't respond, instead waiting for you to continue. When you did, your voice was small, shaky. "I think I like him, Patsy. I really think I like him."

There was a skip.

"I'm sorry, is this some kind of a prank?"

"Patsy," you groaned, your head falling back against the bathroom wall, and she was quick to backtrack.

"No, no, I'm happy for you; don't get me wrong," she said quickly, pausing before she added, "I'm just surprised. What happened?"

"I don't even know. I just... he's really not the person I thought he was. So much of what I thought I knew about him was off base," you said, pinching the bridge of your nose. "How was I supposed to know he was secretly all caring and thoughtful? And he's so good with kids; god, it's adorable. Too much has changed this weekend; my head is spinning. I don't know what to do about it."

"Well, keep in mind that there's a reason he asked you to come home with him," she said matter-of-factly, and you furrowed your brow.

"What d'you mean?"

"Y/N," she sighed, "You two weren't friends. There was no world in which you would've agreed to be his cover story, but he still told his family he was dating you. You really don't think that was a little bit intentional?"

You scoffed. "Are you implying that he was projecting?"

"If the shoe fits."

"Patsy, it wasn't pointed; it was just convenient," you argued, pulling your knees into your chest, tucking the phone between your shoulder and your ear. "I'm his coworker. There are pictures of me and him together at work. I live far enough from the Hamiltons that it was easy to excuse the fact that I'd never met them."

"You're not his only coworker," Patsy replied, and you rolled your eyes at how certain she sounded.

"So who's to say I wasn't chosen at random?"

"Me. You spent years openly resenting him. You would've been the least convenient person in your office for him to pick," she pointed out, and you pursed your lips, playing absentmindedly with the edge of the shag carpet on the bathroom floor.

"I'm also the least insufferable," you replied. "Not to be anti-woman, or anything, but I don't have a single female coworker who I could spend a weekend with without going insane."

"Okay, so you can agree that he doesn't find you insufferable."

"That's a low, low bar."

"But don't you find it even a little bit weird?" You bit your lip at her words, and your brow was furrowed but your gaze empty. "Why would he need a fake girlfriend to begin with?"

That, however, made you wince. Even just hours before, you may not have known how to answer, but- "Actually, I have a hunch about that."

"Oh?"

"Unfortunately." You resented the sound of your own voice shaking as you remembered the scene you'd just fled, and apparently, any respite the phone call provided from the sinking feeling in your stomach was long gone. "His ex is here. She's crazy pretty, and she's totally sweet, and she's obviously still into him. She's even my dream girl. I think he asked me here to make her jealous."

There was a pause on her end of the line; all you received was static as she let out a sigh. "See, I don't buy that."

"Why not? It'd make perfect sense," you said irately. "He seemed to really want me to meet her, and, God, you shoud've seen how excited he looked to see her."

"If she's a family friend, you shouldn't be surprised that they're still on good terms. Haven't you ever stayed friends with any of your exes?"

"Not like that." You swallowed hard; Patsy couldn't see it, but your eyes were sullen, downcast as you recalled the interaction. Jesus, you'd been so stupid to get attached to him; it hadn't even been three days. You really, really should've seen something like this coming. You'd long known Philip to be self-interested, why should this be any different?

But he'd had no one to perform for when he'd spent the whole afternoon with you coddling his niece and nephew. He couldn't prove anything to anyone by the fact that you'd woken up in his arms two mornings in a row. He had nowhere to invoke how protective he'd been as his family dragged you this way and that, interrogating you all the while.

You realized you'd let your call go silent for several moments too long. "I dunno. It's just too complicated. I don't know what to think of any of it."

When she sighed, you recoiled at the loud rush of static that came from your phone. "I know you're not gonna like hearing this, but you need to talk to him."

"How the hell am I supposed to talk to him about this?"

"Be upfront. I'm serious, Y/N; your reservations about what you're feeling are all just you self-sabotaging, and you well know it." Though she wasn't wrong, her words left you on edge - if you were upfront with him, you hadn't a single clue how he'd react. "I know you haven't let yourself fall for anyone since John, but-"

"Please don't bring him into this," you said, the words weary. Patsy had known you for years; she could hear the grief building in the back of your throat before you could swallow it. She paused before speaking, and when she did, her voice was much softer.

"Sorry. I really didn't mean to, but..." You braced yourself for her to continue, your jaw tight. "It's the truth. It's been years. Don't you think it's time for you to stop holding yourself back from living?"

Your sigh was heavy; you would've even chalked it up as being born somewhat of your dramatics if not for the despair you couldn't stop from building in your voice when you responded. "Maybe it is. But I'm not ready to get hurt." The words were almost a whisper, as tearful as any cry. "I... I didn't even like Philip until two days ago; who's to say this won't just pass in another two?"

"I can't make that call for you, love," she replied, tone sympathetic. "But, please, don't self-sabotage out of fear. You deserve so much better than that."

"But I am afraid," you said, and you drew in a shaky breath. "How could I not be?"

"You've been working past all your fears for years, now. Years. It's time to stop being afraid."

"I..." you started, but you trailed off, knowing that putting up a fight wouldn't get you anywhere from there. "Thanks, Patsy. I think that, for now, I just need to clear my head. I don't want to do anything I'll regret."

"Okay. Let me know if you need anything else. Love you, Y/N."

At that, you gave a watery smile. "Love you, too."

You didn't move from your spot on the floor until the incessant drone of the dial tone into your ear became unbearable.

It was only minutes later that, after you'd exited the bathroom, flushed the toilet and washed your hands for good measure despite not having used it, ran almost directly back into Philip. He was in the dining room, chatting with Maria when you found him - or, really, when he found you.

You were hesitant to approach the pair, but when Philip noticed you, you could see him cut himself off mid-sentence, muttering something more to her before he made his way across the room to you.

"Hey, Hamilton." You offered him a weak smile, and he couldn't help but laugh.

"Since when are we back to 'Hamilton,' hm?"

"Sorry. Just what I'm used to," you mumbled, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Still?"

You shrugged. "Old habits die hard, I guess."

"Alright, princess." He shook his head lightly, amusement written into his smile. "Where have you been? When I came in to find you, you weren't around."

Again, you shrugged. You were on edge, suddenly seeming to be at a complete loss for words. "I just ran to the bathroom. I'm back now," you said lamely, and he grinned.

"I can see that. You wanna come with me to get something to eat?"

You took a deep breath, trying your best to settle your fresh batch of nerves, and you nodded. "Yeah."

"Alright, let's go." He tipped his head toward the kitchen, and when you started in his direction, he reached over, looped an arm around your waist as he began to walk with you, but the sudden contact made your skin jump. You tensed in his hold, and he glanced over to you with a furrowed brow, concern written deep in his expression. "You okay?"

You exhaled shakily. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm just fine."

He pursed his lips. "You're sure?"

"Of course. Don't worry about it."

"Okay." He didn't seem convinced, though, as he looked her over once more. "Can we talk later? In private?"

You could feel your heart rate begin to pick up with the hesitance in his voice; your mouth was suddenly too dry to speak. You managed a tight smile and nodded; his expression didn't change. "So, dinner?"

-------

The next hour was tense. You couldn't avoid Philip's skeptical, sidelong glances; you couldn't avoid how you shrunk away every time he came just inches too close for comfort.

The past few days had become comfortable, a difference you couldn't help but find pleasant, but it was a change so gradual you almost hadn't noticed — that is, until it came rushing toward you all at once. You were constantly on edge, and his concern only seemed to grow. You tried to relax, but your nerves wouldn't let you, not as you questioned every fleeting touch, every lopsided smile.

Within an hour, nearly all of the family had been herded back outside, something you didn't mind in the least — the overcrowded lawn gave you an easy excuse to ignore Philip, focusing your energy on his little cousins and siblings. (You and Eliza Jr. had established quite the rapport; she'd provided the imaginary tea and cookies and was now filling you in on all the real tea in her brunch circle, including the failed marriage between her Barbie and her stuffed crocodile. It'd been toxic for both of them, or so you were told.)

As hard as you tried to forget the unfortunate epiphany that afternoon had brought you to, it remained perpetually at the surface of your mind, coloring every one of your interactions with Philip. His concern appeared to be unavoidable, too.

"Hey, princess."

You jumped at the feeling of Philip's hand coming to rest on your shoulder, tearing you from your scintillating conversation with your new four-year-old (tea) drinking buddy. You glanced back at him with wide eyes, a hand on your chest as though to still the rapid thumping of your heart, and he stood there with an eyebrow raised.

"Jesus. You can't just scare me like that," you said, seemingly winded, and he only laughed.

"My sincerest apologies."

"Oh, I'm sure."

He swung a folding chair out from the table behind you, turning it so he could sit beside you, facing his little sister with a grin. "So, what have you and Y/N been talking about? Have you been spilling all the family secrets while I wasn't around to hear?"

She let out a huff, seemingly put-off by his appearing. "No, we've been talking about my drama."

You couldn't help but grin when she folded her arms, wearing a stubborn frown, and Philip turned to you with a brow raised. "And what drama might that be?"

"I've been persuaded to act as a divorce lawyer for a crocodile and a Barbie."

"Oh, really?"

You nodded your frank confirmation. "I'm responsible for dividing up the assets."

That coaxed a chuckle from him as he glanced to Eliza. "Seems like a big job. Why wasn't I offered the position?"

"'Cause you aren't as nice as Y/N," she said matter-of-factly, and your eyebrows shot up. "You can't be mean to them while they're going through a divorce."

"Seriously?"

"You heard her," you said, casting Philip a look of faux contempt. "You have to be gentle with their feelings."

"And I'm not good enough at that?" He raised an eyebrow, and although his smile was still light, your conversation still surface-level, the broader circumstances left a heavy undertone in his words that put you on edge. You forced a smile.

"I wouldn't know."

"No, he isn't good enough at it, Y/N," Eliza Jr. insisted, yanking you abruptly from beginning to overanalyze his words. "You can leave us alone, Pip. We've got it handled."

"You're just gonna send me away?" he asked incredulously. She shrugged, and he turned to you. "C'mon, back me up, here."

"Actually, you should stay," you agreed, but at the tension in your tone, he furrowed his brow. "I'm going to go inside for a little; I need something to drink." You turned to Eliza Jr. with a smile. "Is it alright if Philip holds down the fort for a while with the divorce? I give him my full endorsement."

She huffed, folding her arms. "Okay. But don't stay away too long; my Barbie needs you."

"Thanks, Eliza. He promises he won't let you down; don't you, Pip?"

Although you offered him a light smile, the skepticism in his gaze didn't dissipate. "Yeah, of course," he ultimately said, turning back to his sister. "So, fill me in. What tore their marriage apart?"

You couldn't help your soft smile at how serious he looked as Eliza handed him the plush crocodile, but when he shifted in his seat, you flinched, figured he was about to turn to see you standing there stating at him. When he didn't, you took a deep breath and continued back toward the house. You were struggling to keep your bearings. Keep it together, Y/N.

Unfortunately, you'd spent the weekend so focused on Philip (too focused on Philip) that you hadn't bothered to give the layout of the house a second glance. The minute you stepped inside, you were essentially wandering.

You greeted Philip's family (and non-family) members in passing on your way, struggling to connect names to faces and forgetting whether the man who asked where to find Philip was John Laurens or John Church. They asked you if you needed help finding something, but no, you assured them you were just making a run inside to retrieve something from your suitcase.

That was how you found yourself in a secluded little library off at the far end of the first floor. You sank into the cool leather couch with a sigh, glad to be able to finally catch your breath — you could still see the reunion just outside the window, though, and the thoughts that'd had your head spinning all day didn't care to subside.

You only realized you were looking for him after you found him, still seated with Eliza Jr., but it seemed Eliza Sr. had found a role in the divorce proceedings, and you laughed quietly to yourself.

"Enjoying yourself?"

You jumped at the gentle voice that came from the doorway off to your left. You'd thought you were alone, but when you turned, you found a woman walking in to join you who couldn't have been more than 45.

"Oh, I'm sorry," you said quickly, standing up with wide eyes. "I didn't mean to intrude; I just—"

"No, none of that," —she waved off your apology, the wine in her tall glass sloshing about— "Eliza and Alex don't care where you go in their house. Their kids are seven too many for them to give a damn what happens to their property. You could trash the place, and they'd blame William."

You weren't quite sure whether you should stay, though. You froze in the process of standing up, eyeing the woman warily. She laughed. "What I mean is, relax. Geez."

Her easy nonchalance was putting you more at ease, and when you sat back down, she joined you on the other side of the couch. A moment passed, and you were about to fill the silence, but she beat you to it.

"So, I don't recognize you, which must mean you're the girl Philip tricked into coming home with him for a weekend," she said matter-of-factly, taking a sip of her wine.

"I..." you started, trailing off as you processed her words, and when she raised her eyebrows, you said, "yeah, I guess that'd be me. I'm Y/N."

"Oh, I know who you are. Think I've seen you in a few photos, but after the first five niece-in-laws, they all started to look the same," she sighed, clearly expecting you to commiserate with her. You were still stuck on trying to figure her out before you said anything you shouldn't.

She bumped her elbow into yours. "Don't look so scared. I'm not saying I'm expecting you two to get married anytime soon," she assured you. "Philip's never been great with commitment, either. You're the only long-term relationship he's had since high school, y'know."

So her quip about Philip 'tricking you into coming home with him' really was just a joke. The tension in your shoulders eased.

"I mean, we're taking things slow. One day at a time," you said, plastering on a smile. You hesitated. "But I'm sorry, have we met?"

She laughed, took another sip of her drink, and as she shook her head, you weren't sure what to make of how entertaining she was finding your question.

"No, no, not yet," she said. "I'm Philip's Aunt Peggy, Eliza's sister. Probably should've covered that before ambushing you in the library, huh?"

"That's alright." Your smile was candid, then. "It's really nice to meet you; Philip's told me quite a bit about you."

She cocked a dubious eyebrow. "Should I be worried?"

"Not at all." She was still eyeing you skeptically as she swirled her wine glass. "He's told me all your travel stories — I hear you're the fun aunt. Can you confirm?"

She shrugged it off, but her smile was wide. "Ah, he's just saying that because I sent the Hamiltons desserts in bulk when I was abroad. I'm just funding his materialism."

"To be fair, if any of my aunts sent me that much candy, they'd be my favorites, too," you reasoned.

"Aw, I'm his favorite?"

"Don't tell the others."

She snickered. "No promises."

"Well, if you do, don't rat me out," you warned, but your smile was amused. "You didn't hear it here."

"Alright, alright, I'll give you a pass," she sighed, "but only 'cause you're my favorite of the girls he's dated. You didn't hear that here, either."

"Don't make that call just yet," you said skeptically. "You hardly know me."

"No, but I've heard about you," she said. "I can tell you're better for Philip than any of his exes were. Just take me at my word."

"Seriously?" She nodded, and you eyed her dubiously. "What about Henriette? As far as your family's concerned, she can do no wrong."

The sidelong glance Peggy gave you was amused, but you shifted in your seat as she took a sip of her wine. "You don't need to worry about Henriette." Your eyebrows shot up. "I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a sweet girl."

The thought didn't seem quite complete, though, and you waited for her to continue. "...but?"

"But, well... at the end of the day, she was bad for him, and that was that," Peggy said frankly. "I mean, he broke up with her for a reason."

"He broke up with her?" The disbelief was clear in your voice, but Peggy didn't pay it any mind. She just nodded.

"Philip was head over heels for that girl, once upon a time." She turned to you, and your unease must've been written more clearly across your face than you thought. She gave you a comforting smile, rested a hand on your knee. "Don't look so worried, please," she reiterated. "Their relationship was unhealthy. Philip gave her the world, but she always wanted more. It took a toll on him."

"And what makes you think I'm any better?" you asked skeptically.

"Because he doesn't think you're perfect."

You furrowed your brow. "What?"

"I promise, that's a good thing," she assured you, but you weren't so confident in her words. She looked entertained at how taken aback you clearly were. In what world was that 'good'? "The reason none of his other relationships lasted was because he saw the women with rose-colored glasses. And I don't blame him; it happens."

"So, he's thought everyone else he dated was perfect?"

She nodded sagely. "He realizes that there are drawbacks to your relationship, love. There are drawbacks to any relationship, of course."

"Well, yeah."

"But he can actually see them, with you. And he still wants you. Don't discount that." She sounded wholly confident in her argument, but you only pursed your lips.

After a moment, she added, "He has a bad record of putting girls on pedestals. But I think he sees you for what you are."

"Someone with a lot of drawbacks?" Your gaze was still disbelieving as you eyed her, but she laughed.

"Well, I suppose." She turned to you. "But someone that's still worth it."

"Oh. Well, that's good, I guess." Your voice was soft, and Peggy squeezed your shoulder affectionately.

"It's rare, too. He's lucky to have found you." You pursed your lips. "So he'd better treat you right, or I'll set him straight. Just call up old Aunt Peggy; I've got your back."

The severity in her tone made you laugh, and she cracked a smile at your reaction. "I'll keep it in mind," you quipped. She nodded approvingly, and your smile was soft as she drained the remainder of her wine from her glass. "Thanks, Peggy."

"My pleasure."

Your eyes had wandered back to the window as you spoke, finding Philip easily as he crossed the yard with Georges and his wife, Emilie. They were talking enthusiastically; what they were saying was beyond you, but he laughed as Georges gave him a playful shove, and Emilie rolled her eyes at whatever he said next.

You didn't quite realize how soft your gaze was as you watched him, but Peggy did.

Moments later, when Philip happened to glance in your direction, he looked surprised to see you sitting there, but he grinned when he met your eyes. He gave you a short, timid wave, and you nodded back in greeting, the corners of your lips upturned. However, the interaction just drew Georges's attention to where you'd hidden yourself away, and when he saw you, his greeting was far more dramatic, waving, gesturing for you to come back out, apparently shouting something at you from outside (without a care in the world about the fact that you couldn't hear him). You couldn't help but laugh outright, returning his wave, and Georges turned to Philip. Whatever he said when he nudged him just made Philip shake his head, apparently exasperated.

"Do you love him?"

"What?" You turned with a start; Peggy's voice snapped you out of your reverie, and you felt like a deer caught in headlights. "Oh, I, um– Well–" You cut yourself off as she raised a concerned eyebrow, and you blinked hard, forced a smile as you gathered your bearings. "I mean... yeah. Of course."

You swallowed hard; how nervous you were was clearly apparent, and Peggy rested a hand on your arm, wearing an apologetic smile. "Oh, lord, I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that," she said. "I just assumed, y'know, after two years together, you two would've said that by now." When you pursed your lips, she was quick to backtrack. "And not that you should've! It's perfectly alright that you haven't."

"No, no, I mean, we have, I just..." you trailed off, unsure exactly how to justify your reaction. Peggy's dark brow knit.

"Then what's got you so nervous to confirm it? You two aren't having problems, are you?"

"No," was all you said, but there wasn't much conviction in your tone. When you met Peggy's gaze, you were relieved to see that the look in her eye wasn't of skepticism but was instead of concern.

"That answer sounded like it came with stipulations, love."

"No, it didn't," you assured her, but she raised an eyebrow. A beat passed. You swallowed hard. "It's just... how do you know if you love someone?"

Peggy tilted her head to one side. "Have you never been in love before?"

"I mean, I have," you acquiesced, and when you didn't go on, she filled the silence.

"So don't you know what it feels like when you're in love, then?"

"It's just... been a while." Your gaze drifted down to the printed rug before the couch, focus suddenly on how the toes of your shoes sank into the plush fabric. Peggy rested a hand on your shoulder.

"Is everything alright?"

You swallowed hard, gave her a reassuring smile. "Yeah. Yeah, it is, really."

"You can talk to me, y'know. I won't go spilling your business to the family."

"Yeah?"

"Of course."

"Well," you started, turning away from Peggy, gaze unfocused, "I don't know how I feel about Philip, honestly."

"You're sure there's no issue between you two?"

"It's nothing he's done," you said softly, and after you swallowed hard, you finally admitted, "but... I'm a widow. I haven't been with anyone else since my late husband, and it's been years, now."

"You're a widow?" she repeated, and you nodded.

"We married young. But since he passed, I..." You shrugged, feeling tears welling in the corners of your eyes. As you wiped them away, you offered her a weak smile in an effort to ease how silly you were feeling. "I mean, that was my last serious relationship. It's been hard to figure out how to proceed from there."

"I'm so sorry," Peggy said softly, and the concerned look she wore was genuine. "Come here."

She wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into her side where you sat, and you gave her a grateful smile. "You're sweet, but I'm fine, honestly. It's been so long. But it might've left me with just a little fear of attachment."

"You poor thing; I can't imagine," she said, rubbing your upper back comfortingly. "But it's alright that you feel like this; you shouldn't feel guilty about being slower to open up."

"I didn't say I felt guilty."

"Do you?"

A long moment passed in silence, and eventually, you said softly, "...I mean, honestly? Yeah. It sucks to not be able to figure out what it is I'm feeling. I… I can’t help but think Philip deserves better."

"We've all been there at one time or another. Don't beat yourself up."

"How did you know you loved your husband?" you asked, and she pursed her lips, thought on it for a moment.

"Well, I'm certainly no relationship expert, so take this with a grain of salt," she said, "but I've told quite a number of people I loved them in all my life, and it took me quite a few failed romances to figure out which ones were real."

"Then how did you decide what love actually was?" you asked hesitantly, and Peggy's gaze was absent, faraway, but her smile was tender.

"I realized I was in love when being with them meant more to me than my freedom," she said. "That's why they never lasted. I spent my twenties traveling the world, jumping from job to job and partner to partner."

"'Partner to partner'?" you interjected, an eyebrow raised.

She shrugged. "Partner, significant other, whatever you kids are calling it these days."

"We say boyfriend, usually."

She gave you an amused smile with that, though, turning to again meet your gaze. "Oh, no, you misunderstand me," she replied frankly. "They were rarely men."

"Oh!" Your eyebrows shot up. "Oh, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to assume—"

"That's just fine. No need to apologize." She shrugged, but she looked entertained at how panicked you were, immediately trying to backtrack. "But anyway, I was only willing to settle down with my husband when keeping my lifestyle would've meant losing him."

Your smile was soft. "That's sweet."

"Oh, is it?" she asked, eyebrows raised. "Well, good. I half expected you to think I was talking nonsense."

Her candid surprise made you laugh. "No, I appreciate it. It's been nice to have someone to talk to about all this."

"I'm glad." She nudged your arm lightly, wearing a small smile. "And I know you'll be fine. Take as much time as you need to figure it out; I have a feeling Philip will be there waiting for you in the end."

-----

You didn't go back outside after that.

The weight of everything you'd just unloaded onto his aunt hit you like a freight train, and her words stuck with you. You were second-guessing everything that'd happened that weekend, replaying all the little things you took for granted: the enigmatic advice Georges had apparently given Philip when you first arrived at your office all those years ago; what his niece had heard him saying about you. His teasing comments, the stolen glances, the accidental, fleeting touches that lasted just a moment longer than they should've. It all added up to one larger picture that you weren't sure you wanted to see.

And your theory that you were there to make his ex jealous was blown wide open the minute you found out Philip had been the one to end things with Henriette. (No wonder she'd been trying to trudge up their old memories.)

You refused to think any further than that; you knew the conclusions you'd have to draw would make all this so much more real. And that thought scared you more than anything.

You were pacing the halls of the Hamiltons' first floor. The only reason you finally went upstairs was because one too many cousins had asked you where you were going — you’d been telling people you were headed up to get something from Philip’s room for nearly the past half hour.

That was how you found yourself seated on the end of Philip's bed, reeling from the afternoon's events.

You did retrieve something from your suitcase, ultimately. The deep-red, velveteen box was soft under your fingertips as you played with it anxiously, picking at the sides but never quite working up the nerve to open it. It wasn’t like it’d been that long since you opened it, either; it couldn’t have been more than a week, but this time, when you flicked it open, staring down at the gold band and its tiny diamond felt different.

What would John think if he could see you there?

Patsy was convinced he’d only want you to be happy, and that he wouldn’t mind who you were with. She’d tell you it was time to move on with your life. But did moving on have to mean leaving him behind?

And falling for someone else felt like abandonment of the worst kind. It felt like you were cheating on him, like you and he were falling out of love. As much as you still missed him, as much as you grieved for him, every day, the memory of what it felt like to be his slipped further away from your grasp.

You ran your fingers over the cold metal of the ring, and your hands shook as you slipped it onto your ring finger. For a fleeting moment, you could almost convince yourself that you were still somebody’s wife.

Light footsteps padded down the hall outside Philip’s room, and they were quiet enough that they didn’t snap you out of your reverie until the door’s hinges creaked. Your heart stopped.

And to your relief, the person who opened the door was just six-year-old William.

“Philip, are you…” He trailed off when he saw you on Philip’s bed, but he didn’t miss a beat. “Oh! Did you see Philip in here?”

“Hey, William,” you said, but your accompanying laugh held a hint of anxiety. “Philip isn’t up here; sorry. Last I saw him, he was out in the backyard.”

“Oh.” He blinked. “Can you help me find him? Daddy needs him, but I don’t wanna make him sad ‘cause I don’t know where Pip is. I think he’s hiding from us.”

“Yeah, sure; I’d love to help,” you answered, and your endeared smile was candid. His determination was almost making you forget about your ring entirely.

“Thank you.” He seemed more than ready to drag you out of Philip’s bedroom, watching you eagerly as you hesitated to stand and go with him. You’d hoped he’d go ahead and let you catch up with him momentarily, but he stood there and watched you expectantly where you sat on the bed, and you apparently had two options: take the ring off then and hope William didn’t realize it was a wedding ring, or wear it out and hope you can find a time to hide it discreetly. The only issue was that you had no pocket to leave it in.

“No problem; let’s go.” You ended up choosing the former. William’s eyes didn’t leave you as you popped the ring’s box back open, and when you heard him gasp, your miscalculation became obvious.

“Is that a wedding ring?” he asked, and your eyes widened.

“No! No, it… I mean yes, but—”

“When did you and Pip get married?” Oh, fuck. Your pulse was pushing into overdrive. “Why wasn’t I invited to the wedding? What about Mama and Pops?”

“We didn’t… we didn’t not invite you, but—”

“But I wasn’t there.” You pinched the bridge of your nose, stifling a groan when he wore a deep frown. “Did your parents come?”

“No, they—”

“Why didn’t you and Pip tell us?” he asked. “It was a special location.”

Special loca…? “Special occasion?”

“That’s what I said.” He wore a pout. “Well, now we’ve gotta go tell everyone, c’mon.”

He turned and started running, and you swallowed hard. Oh, shit.

“Wait, William, come back!” you called after him, and you scowled when he didn’t stop. You had to finish putting the ring away before you could start after him — going back out to his family with it would only spell disaster. “William?”

By the time you took the ring off, tucked its box back into your suitcase, it seemed he was out of earshot. When you reached the bottom of the stairs, he was nowhere to be found; he’d weaved between his family members’ legs until he was out of sight.

Well, you were certainly, thoroughly fucked.

You began to wade through the crowd in the kitchen, eyes darting around the floor for any sign of a retreating William, going through room after room to no avail, but your heart rate was steadily increasing with every moment you didn’t find him.

It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes until one of Philip’s family members approached you.

“Y/N?” Frances Laurens— no, Frances Henderson, who’d taken her husband’s name the previous summer, approached you from behind, and you spun around abruptly in surprise. “Hey, when were you going to tell us that you and Philip were engaged?”

Your throat tightened. “What?”

“William just told us.” She nudged you with a lopsided grin. “Congrats; welcome to the family.”

“Oh, no, there’s been a misunderstanding—”

“Wait, you’re getting married?” The William who interjected into your conversation was, unfortunately, not the one you were looking for. Instead, you followed the voice to find the younger Mulligan son standing with a beer.

“No, no, it’s not like… William just— well, not you William, William Hamilton—”

“Hey, William just told me you and Philip were finally getting married. What made you decide to tie the knot?” That was Georges, and your head jerked in his direction.

“Oh, thank god there’s going to be another woman at family dinners when he’s in town.” Angelica Hamilton approached from your left.

“Wait, what? Do you have a date for the wedding?” You hadn’t a clue which of the Lafayette sisters that was (well, you knew it wasn’t Henriette). “You better invite all of us. You might need a big venue to fit the whole family.”

Oh, god, you were in deep. It seemed William had managed to do quite a bit of damage without a whole lot of time.

“I need to talk to Philip,” you said, voice breathy. You knew you sounded winded, but his family all wore wide grins, patting you on the back or squeezing your shoulders — the Hamilton-Schuyler-Lafayette-Laurens-Mulligans were certainly a touchy-feely bunch.

“Yeah, where is your fiancé?” Georges asked, scanning the room.

“He’s not—”

“Hey, Philip!” It seemed he’d found him, yelling across the dining room, and Philip started toward you with his hands in his pockets, watching the crowd that’d formed around you curiously. “You ever planning on telling us you proposed? Or were you gonna wait till you had your firstborn, huh?”

Georges’s grin was wide as he shoved Philip affectionately, but Philip’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”

“William spilled everything. Congrats, you two,” Frances said, and when Philip met your eyes, you looked defeated.

“Oh, did he?”

“Relax, we’re all excited for you. No one’s mad that you hid it.” Apparently, you weren’t the only one who heard the tension in Philip’s voice as he glanced between you and Angelica warily, and she squeezed your upper arm with a smile. “It’s great news.”

“Yeah, no wonder you finally brought her home.” The Mulligan son— shit, his name was escaping you. Was it Wyatt? Winston? No, shit, what were you thinking? He was also William; how the hell did you forget—?

“I’m sorry, what exactly did Will tell you?” Philip asked hesitantly.

“He saw Y/N with the ring a little while ago. Not sure why you decided to hide such big news from us, but—”

“Right, can I have a word with my fiancée real quick?” He met your eyes with an urgent look, and you winced. “In private?”

“Oh, c’mon, it was an honest mistake; don’t be too hard on her,” Georges said. “Does it really matter? We were gonna find out anyway, so—”

“We’ll be back down in a bit.” Philip spoke through clenched teeth as he cut Georges off, walking toward you, and he grabbed you by the bicep, grip tight as he pulled you toward the doorway. Your breath caught when you stumbled forward. You were out of earshot before any of his family members could get another word in, and you struggled to keep pace with his long strides as he continued toward the staircase.

“Come on.” His voice was low when you reached the home’s entrance hall, and when he started upstairs to his room, you were quick to follow him. He locked the door behind you.

A moment passed in silence as he turned around to face you. The tension in the air was thicker than your ass.

He folded his arms.

“Care to explain why my entire family thinks we’re engaged?”

“It’s…” You rubbed your forehead as though it’d relieve your throbbing headache. “It was an accident. I swear it was; William just… he saw me with a ring, and he thought—”

“Why the hell did he think we were getting married? What’d you tell him?” Philip’s voice was rising as he spoke, and you had to swallow the lump building in your throat.

“I didn’t tell him we were engaged,” you defended. “I was just putting my ring back in its box, and he made an assumption. That’s it.”

“What ring?” he asked. “You aren’t wearing a ring. I haven’t seen you with a ring all fucking weekend. Are you fucking with me right now?”

“Of course not.” You huffed. “What, do you think I did this on purpose? That I wanted your family to think we were engaged?”

“I don’t know, did you?”

“No; why would I?”

“Oh, be honest, Y/N. You just agreed to come home with me this weekend so that you could fuck with me, didn’t you?”

“I’m sorry, do you really believe I’m just here to make your life harder? That I want to push you deeper into your stupid fucking lie?” you asked incredulously. “I came to cover for you. Because you told them we’d been together for two years.”

He scoffed. “Please, like you wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to mess with my personal life. Let’s face it; we both know you’ve never liked me.”

“We weren’t friends, but I’ve never had any sort of vendetta against you.” Your scowl deepened, and you shook your head in disbelief.

“You told me that you were the one person in our office who hated me. Word-for-word,” he retorted. “Did you do this to get back at me for using you as my fake girlfriend?”

“I don’t hate you.” He didn’t think that it was reasonable for your tone to be that defensive. “I've never hated you; I… I was just being dramatic. And even if I did have it out for you, I wouldn’t do this to your family.”

“Then why didn’t you tell William that we weren’t engaged?” he asked. “Hm? What the hell happened that my entire family managed to learn that you’d told him we were getting married in all of five minutes?”

“I tried to tell him we weren’t, but he was asking about the ring, and—”

“You should’ve told him it wasn’t an engagement ring!”

“I tried to! He asked if it was a wedding ring, though, and…” Your voice trailed off. The smallest shreds of a sob were building in your throat, and you were trying to speak through them, but your chest was tightening.

“And you didn’t set him straight?”

“It was a wedding ring, Philip. He stopped me before I could explain that we weren’t getting married, and by the time I could go after him, he was already downstairs. I lost him in the kitchen; I couldn’t stop him,” you said. “I swear, I tried to prevent this.”

A moment passed in silence. His gaze was absent, fixed on the floor, and he was shaking his head ever-so-slightly in disbelief.

“Why’d you have a wedding ring if you didn’t come here planning to fuck up my family life? If you didn’t wanna bury me further in this stupid lie I told to get my family off my back?” he asked. “Were you wearing the wedding ring?”

You nodded. “He came in, and I tried to hide it before coming downstairs, but—”

“Why the hell were you wearing a wedding ring?”

“I only put it on for a minute!”

“Why do you even have one? And why would you bring it home this weekend?”

“It’s…” Your jaw ached as you tried to keep yourself from crying. You blinked back the tears that stung the corners of your eyes and sat on the edge of his bed. You didn’t want him to see the old emotions that were breaking loose. “It’s old. I got it years ago.”

“What? Why?” The incredulity in his voice was making you cringe, and he threw his hands up in frustration. “What am I supposed to do with this, Y/N? You really expect me to believe that you wearing a wedding ring around my family was completely innocent? That you didn’t—?”

“I’m a widow, Philip.” You nearly had to shout to be loud enough to cut him off, and while he’d begun pacing in agitation, your words made him freeze.

He turned to you. “...You what?”

“I’m a widow,” you repeated softly, and his wide eyes met yours as he saw the tears building in them.

“I…” He started to reply, but his voice faltered. All the anger had been wiped from his expression, replaced quickly with surprise, apology, worry. “Shit, Y/N. I… fuck, I’m sorry, I had no idea.” His voice was quiet.

“Don’t be. You couldn’t have known.” You wiped at your left eye when the first tear rolled down your cheek. “It’s not like I ever talked about it.”

When he took a seat beside you on the bed, his hand came tentatively to cover yours. You drew in a shuddering breath. “Still. I’m sorry I… well, that I blew up like that. I didn’t mean to bring up your past like this; I—”

“It’s fine, Philip. Really.” You laced your fingers into his, squeezed his hand reassuringly. “No one expects a 26-year-old to be a widow. I don’t blame you.”

He nodded when you glanced up at him, and goosebumps ran up your arm when he swept his thumb over the back of your hand. “What was his name?” he asked quietly, and you pursed your lips.

“John.” You sniffled. “We met in high school, got married just after we graduated college.” Although you paused, he didn’t say anything, giving you room to pause, take a breath, and you knew that if you wanted to go on, he was there to listen. “We… god, we were so happy, for a while. I followed him to New York for college; I swore I’d never plan my life around a man, and I knew he wouldn’t ask me to, but I didn’t want to live without him. I was so sure that we wouldn’t break up, so I didn’t think we had anything to lose.”

Your voice was devolving into a croak as you went on, and you had to swallow your whimper when you came dangerously close to crying. He could hear your words breaking.

It caught you off guard when Philip wrapped an arm around your waist, pulled you into his side. The action was hesitant, and his grip on you was soft; he half expected you to recoil from his touch, but when you pulled closer, leaned against him, he held you close.

“He died almost two years after we graduated,” you murmured, cheek pressed against Philip’s shoulder. His shirt was damp from your slow, silent tears. “No one saw it coming. He was shot when someone broke into our house. It all happened in less than an hour, and then he was gone.”

Your voice broke altogether with your final few words. You could no longer keep down the sob in your throat, try as you might to keep speaking through it. You drew in a shuddering breath, but when you exhaled, you were crying audibly, tears flowing freely. “Shit, I… I didn’t mean to dump all of this onto you. You didn’t need to know all my…” —you hiccuped— “all my stupid fucking trauma, but—”

“Shh, relax. I’m not going anywhere,” he assured you, and the warmth rising in your chest wasn’t something you wanted to be able to explain when he turned toward you on the bed, wrapped his other arm around the back of your shoulders and pulled you into him. “C’mere. I’ve got you.”

As much as you were caught in your head, struggling to claw your way out of the memories you’d buried yourself in, you couldn’t have been more present in that moment. Philip smelled like the sun, like freshly-washed cotton, like lazy mornings after a long night of sleep; he smelled like something you couldn’t describe as anything other than warm.

And so you let yourself cry. You didn’t explain anything further; he wasn’t going to ask, didn’t need to know how you’d moved across the city within a week of John’s funeral to get away from everything that felt so painfully like him. He wasn’t going to pry. If you wanted to talk, wanted to tell him anything, needed someone who was just there to listen, that was your prerogative, and he wouldn’t try to force it. You were free to take your time, safe in his arms.

He rubbed your upper back, and your eyes fell shut.

“Thanks for being here,” you mumbled against the scratchy material of his button-down. “I… I’m sorry I made such a damn mess of your family life. I didn’t mean to; I swear, I—” You were cut off by a hiccup, a shuddering sob, and he held the side of your head against his chest, stroking your hair absentmindedly.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “You did nothing wrong. I’m gonna be just fine, alright? It’s you I’m worried about.”

You wore a watery smile at his words. “You’re too nice. I… I fucked up, and you don’t have to pretend you’re alright with it.”

“I’m fine. Honest.” Only when your breathing evened out did he lean back, lift your chin to look at him. He offered you a small, lopsided smile. “So, I guess we’re gonna have to go back down there and tell my parents we’re engaged, huh?”

“I guess so.”

“Don’t look so sad, princess; this is supposed to be a celebration.” The guilt weighing on your shoulders must’ve been written across your face, and as he nudged you lightly, his words made you laugh.

“Mmh, we’ve really hit a relationship milestone, haven’t we?”

“Looks like it,” he said. “So, what’s the story? How’d I propose? Was it oh-so-touching, or did I butcher it ‘cause I was an emotional mess?”

“Well, you had a whole speech prepared,” you informed him, and he raised an amused eyebrow.

“I did?”

“You did.” You nodded. “Only problem was that when you got down on one knee, you were crying too hard to be able to actually get through it. You were just so moved by how beautiful I looked that night, and you couldn’t keep your feelings in check when you thought about spending the rest of your life with me.”

“You sound like you’ve really thought this out,” he said. “Don’t tell me you’ve been fantasizing about it. I know how incredible and attractive I am, but I didn’t think we were on that level yet.”

“Of course not. Don’t worry.” You couldn’t contain your entertained grin. “This was all Theo’s fantasy that she told me while you were ignoring her. She’s still really convinced it’ll happen, so I guess now you have an instruction manual for your engagement with her.”

That made him laugh outright. “When Theo and I get engaged?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Now you’re really talking nonsense.” He shook his head, but as he eyed your expression, the tear tracks on your face, his brow furrowed with concern. “...Are you alright, Y/N?”

You nodded, swallowed the lump in your throat. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” The calloused pad of his thumb ran over your cheek, wiped your tears away, and you found yourself staring. The look in his dark eyes was heavy; god, you could’ve drowned in it, and his eyes were watering, too, no doubt from watching you cry, from seeing how much pain you were in, how deep your grief ran.

He wished he could take that all away from you. If he could shoulder the burden for you, no matter how heavy, he’d have done it in a split second — even if you didn’t want him, even if you’d never look at him in the same way that he looked at you, he knew you, and he knew you didn’t deserve to suffer like this. He cleaned the smeared mascara from under your eyes with the end of his sleeve as though somehow, some way, that could alleviate your suffering.

And you couldn’t see all of that. But you saw how he looked at you. That much was unmistakable.

He held you as though, if he let go, you might break, and in that moment, part of you felt like you might. He’d never thought he’d really be holding you like that.

But there was so much care in his gentle gaze, although you had no way to know all that was going on beneath it. You felt safe, safer than you’d felt in a long time as he rubbed circles into the small of your back, shifting you onto his lap, and he was so close, his face just inches from yours. If you leaned forward just a little, you could kiss him.

And when your gaze trailed down to his lips, downturned in a concerned frown, as consumed in you as every other part of him, you did. You finally took the opportunity presented to you, and you didn’t intend to let yourself continue to squander it.

Sitting on his lap at the end of his bed, you kissed him.

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dreaminginvelaris · 3 years

Text

sorting acotar characters into hogwarts houses

idk why i decided to make this post but it was fun sooo...

lmk if y'all agree or disagree. Also please no hate, sometimes a post is just for fun and i don't need any negativity. UNLESS its hate for elain which by all means go ahead ;) (because of ppls sensitivity, this joke isnt an invitaion to go on a full blown elain hate rant just offer a few jabs, especially if you agree on the elain section and move on, if you wanna go on a rant, message me or submit a post and i'll response, all the love <3)

Slytherin: Ambition, Cunning, Leadership, and Resourcefulness

Rhysand: of course Rhys is Slytherin, the man screams Slytherin. We all know he's cunning, often coming up with plans to get what he wants, leader well duh, he's a high lord and loves it and is great at it, he's ambitious, he's a dreamer, so of course, he wants more, and he's resourceful, always being able to think on the spot. Rhysands second house would be Ravenclaw for sure though.

Eris: uhhh do I even have to explain? wants to be Highlord, boom ambitious. seems to be the one in charge of his brothers and has many responsibilities, boom leader. being able to achieve what he wants, boom cunning. resourcefulness...yeah I don't got an example for that one, anyways 3/4.

Azriel: daddy az is a Slytherin, I mean obviously this is the best house (is it obvious yet that I'm a Slytherin ;) but fr, I debated sorting him into Ravenclaw, but even though yes he shows Ravenclaw traits it's not the ones we see the most of or the ones that really shine through Azriel's reserved personality. The main traits azzy boo here has from Slytherin are Cunning and Resourcefulness, and imo these are the ones we see from him every page.

Amren: im putting amren here too, she's literally both!

Gryffindor: Brave, Courage, Daring, Chivalrous

Cassian: this one is self-explanatory, how many times has he put others before himself, how many times has he endangered his own life to save others. that's a Gryffindor soul he has. he always tried to do the right thing, he's brave as hell and reckless at times it seems from the little snide comments we've gotten from the books, he would have been a marauder no doubt.

Tamlin: I hate to do this I do because I love my lions, but I had to put this piece of shit somewhere and since he reminds me of peter Pettigrew bc of his cowardness, I'm sorting him in here. I'm so sorry guys ;(

Morrigan: helloooo, the house colors are red and gold??? obviously mor would demand this house, yes demand. but not just that she's crazy brave, at only what 18? i think, she stood up to her family, making a decision she knew could have her ending up in a horrible situation. but she always is brave, shes gotta when her evil family is still in her life.

Hufflepuff: Loyal, Kind, Patient, Hardworking

Gwyn: i choose my girl gwyn for Hufflepuff bc let's face it, she is the embodiment of Hufflepuff. She's loyal to her new friends, emerie and Nesta, and the priestesses. She's kind as we can see when she first met Nesta and when emerie and Nesta shared their stories. She's very patient never snaps at that bitchy priestess who idk the name of as well as patient when it comes to her and Azriel's tender new friendship and hardworking, always doing her job, running around the library, for her work, always researching more ways to help the Valkyries. i debated putting her in Ravenclaw, because of her intelligence, but i think she's a Hufflepuff through and through.

Elain: IT HURTS MY HEART PUTTING PLAIN ELAIN IN THIS HOUSE. but I gotta, the only trait this plant sniffer has out of all the houses is "kind and patient" EVEN THOUGH SHE'S NOT REALLY LMFAO. I've made a post on explaining why this dirt lover isn't as kind as the books make her out to be, and I would argue she isn't actually patient at all, I mean did we miss how she was basically frustrated Nesta wasn't getting better even though it had been like what 2 weeks, LMFAO. but yeah I mean she's not loyal unless you have food and money then oh yeah she'll be loyal and she's not hardworking bc I mean she never did jack shit and still doesn't, sorry to do this to y'all.

Note: some of yall are so soft. this is not an anti elain post. sorry i insulted her but hey its my post, and i have commentary on each character to explain why i feel they belong in a certain house. sorry i happened to insult your fav. but this isnt an anti elain post, just like its not anti tamlin or anti eris. its just a post about all the characters period, which is why i inculded all of them in the tags. hey, i even insulted Nesta a little bit, but I'm not gonna tag anti-Nesta bc it's not a fucking hate post. get off this post if it comes across you and you don't like what I say, it's not hard to literally just scroll, trust me I've done it multiple times especially when it's a hate post on my beloved characters and they didn't use the anti tags. it's not fucking hard, grow up.

Ravenclaw: Wisdom, Wit, Individuality, Intelligence

Feyre: I debated putting queen feyre into Slytherin, I mean she shows the traits for sure, but it's not really if she shows the traits it's what shines the most in her. Ravenclaws are known for their creativity (bae luna Lovegood <3) and feyres an artist, even in her darkest times she remained an artist, always seeing portraits in her mind, always admiring the beautiful colors of the world. We know she's intelligent, picking up reading and writing quickly, and we also see it when she's strategizing, with the inner circle. Feyre is so wise, she had to be, she had to grow up quickly, you often see her in the books giving advice, because even though she's only 21, she's lived a lifetime. and the whole book of acomaf can show you how witty she is, I mean its what made us fall in love with feysand.

Amren: tiny snowball amren is literally a slytherclaw, she has all the traits from both. but because of how well she is with coding languages and how she always reads and does puzzles i think she'd enjoy being a Ravenclaw.

Nesta: I thought about this for a while, really looking into where she would thrive, Ravenclaw is for her no doubt. She's herself, always has been even when that wasn't such a good thing... but she's witty too if you make sure to not count the "the book is about...a book" I'm sorry that line makes me laugh every single time. we haven't really seen much of her intelligence but I'm guessing she is. but really she would love to be in a house where ppl are themselves and read, i can already imagine her creating a book club where people can be themselves and enjoy smutty books like her.

Lucien: originally I was going to sort him into Hufflepuff but then I remembered how intelligent he is, how witty, and I remembered in acowar he talked about how being the youngest of what 7 heirs? he had the chance to really educate himself which he loved to do, to really learn about his court, idk this man just screams intelligence to me.

I left out emerie bc i honestly don't know where to sort her, i feel like i just don't know her too well or understand her enough to sort her, so feel free to lmk where she would belong :)

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #nesta archeron #feyre archeron #rhysand #tamlin #cassian #azriel #elain archeron #mor acotar #lucien vanserra #amren #gwyneth berdara #eris vanserra

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i-did · 3 years

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Do you have any thoughts on the way “fuck you Nora” impacts things like ships, in particular the recent sentiment that andreil is toxic and other fanon ships are objectively better and healthier that’s in pockets of the fandom. Like I’ve definitely seen it in the Kevin-centric niche the most but even outside of that there’s this belief that things like jerejean and renison would be very soft and healthy when there’s no proof of that. It’s almost like plausible deniability because (1/2)

andreil has canon strengths and flaws that are irrefutable, so when they ship things like Jerejean kevjean that don’t interact they feel a license to make it “better” because they know better than Nora if that makes sense. And Kandrew and kevineil are pitched as being healthier than andreil, among fans who say they wish the kandreil draft was canon where Nora has said multiple times, even when she talks about how fun they were to write that k/a were “obsessive” (2/2)

Yeah I definitely think “fuck you Nora” can play into it, sort of like how for a while most marriage or “I love you” HC posts started or ended with “fuck you Nora”.

I think andreil are such a unique relationship dynamic of two very “difficult and violent” people ending up together, so I understand why they also get called toxic and flawed a lot. Tbh I can’t really see Andrew or Neil with anyone else, I think they fit together well and what works and is healthy for them just won't work or be healthy for everyone else.

I also agree in the plausible deniability aspect, sometimes I think these fans take these characters and names and general situations, and make them into OC’s and/or props to fulfill troupes. The nature of fan creation is to play around with canon.

I personally don’t think the average college boy would be emotionally prepared or equipped enough to be a healthy pairing for a recently escaped lifelong human trafficking and cult survivor who just narrowly survived. And I don’t think Kevin who held power over Jean in the nest at number 2 instead of 3 as well as Riko’s partner, would be healthy either. Kevin himself talks about how it was different for him than for Jean, it was worse for Jean since he was a “lower rank.” I think the idea Kevjean is better than Kevin and Thea comes partially from the belief that gay=better in fandom, and the ‘pair the spare’ mentality.

I also personally think that both Kandrew and Daysten/Kevineil are not good fits either. I’ve talked about it before and explained why I think Kandrew is unhealthy and am not really interested in exploring it, but for Kevineil I personally think they… fight too much I guess. You get in arguments with your friends as well as partners, but the way they affect you and power works can be very different, and the type of arguments are also typically different. I think they're fine as friends, but I think they would need a lot more outside of canon growth and development to be a fit romantically. I don’t care what others want to ship or explore, I just personally don’t see much appeal with either dynamic.

I think people who say “this would be healthier” are usually imagining their ideas and HC’s and version of the character rather than the canon one, as well as just… their personal idea of what is “healthier” and what a good relationship “looks like”.

Also you briefly mention Renesion as being depicted/perceived as “softer and healthier” too. From what I see of Renesion its very… just kinda there. Usually there isn't a lot of development or they're just sort of in the background of another fic. The Renee and Allison in canon would not pair well together imo either, I also mention this somewhere in an earlier ask as well. I'm all for wlw pairs and ships, and I've read like a decently long Renesion fic my friend @wishbonetea wrote called “The Gracekeepers” where they do actually have chemistry, but are growing differently than they do in canon. In canon Renee is a “bad person trying very hard to be a good person.” she’s anti-negative talk and avoids speaking ill of others or expressing negative or harsh opinions. Allison has recently escaped a stuffy rich people environment where all their words are cloaked and all compliments are backhanded and no one really says what they’re thinking, Allison’s personal growth from this is to let it out and say what she really thinks, who give a fuck if they think she's rude or unladylike, it's her feelings. Also Renee’s past is often just depicted as this cool thing rather than something very truamatizing that she struggles with, makes it hard for her to genuinely connect with others and be her ‘real self’, and Allison's on-again off-again boyfriend just died, and she was there the night it happened. I haven't seen any fics actually explore these topics, just kinda ship them since “pair the spare.” (if any of you know any fics that address this or focus on it lmk)

I'm not going to hold their chemistry to a higher standard than mlm ships tho, I've seen people ship almost all the male characters together in the tags but obviously don’t do as much content for the women, which is a shame because some of the fox ladies have interesting potential chemistry. Dan and Renee have a very interesting dynamic in the EC and Nora herself said if she were to ship the fox ladies it would be Dan with Renee. I personally have high standards for ‘shipping’ I guess, sometimes I vaguely think “oh this could be interesting” but rarely do I actively explore it. I'm a pretty canon focused consumer, I never watched supernatural thinking ‘dustiel’ or even picked up on the queer-baiting until much later. I don't care about shipping the way most fans seem to. I like to imagine Andrew and Neil meeting in their late 60’s or so, or even not meeting the other and being single and having fulfilling lives that way too, which is not a common way to ‘show affection’ to characters.

I agree with you and think it comes down to plausible deniability and this urge to ‘defy Nora’–be all edgy to an author who stopped listening–as well as pair the spare and fandom culture of shipping at its core. Shipping is seen as a good/better treatment of the characters and “what they deserve” a lot.

#ask #fandom culture #mailob #damn its 4 am why did i answer this now #i have work tomorrow lmfao #i hope u see this anon

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spiderweb-bf · 3 years

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hey I just wanted to mention that food should absolutely never be a tw .. like certain specific types of food absolutely but the idea that food itself is a trigger is completely a pro-ana/anti-recovery sentiment.. seeing food and being hungry is normal and healthy and treating food like it's something scary or bad does nothing but help diet culture and pro-ed circles. I don't think ur a bad person or anything bc I get that if someone asks you to tag something it's rude to say no in general but in this case specifically think abt why they might be asking u to stigmatize food and eating

okay so you make a lot of really good points. i personally would disagree that it's pro ana or anti recovery, but I can see your point about how putting a tw could be stigmatizing food.

nobody specifically asked me to tag food, it's just been something I've always done on here bc i saw a lot of other people (mostly stimboard/moodboard blogs) doing it and, more importantly, it made a lot of sense to me. I've never had an ED and won't claim to, but I went through a year and a half maybe two years where I was participating in some really really restrictive and unhealthy dieting. I had a really horrible relationship with food and my body. and even when I was in a bit of a recovery stage where I was trying to develop a healthier relationship with food, food was still not something I wanted to see or hear about all the time. not because of any pro ana or anti-food reasons, but simply because food reminded me of work because recovery is hard work. I didn't want to open up tumblr expecting some memes and aesthetic posts only to end up over analyzing my recovery and whether it was working and what i needed to do next to improve my mental health etc etc. like it's good to analyze those things! but not unexpectedly on tumblr at 2 a.m. it's just hard bc food is literally everywhere irl... on billboards on the side of the highway, on TV, in conversation and it was very easy for me to start overthinking. "how does this billboard make me feel? how do i feel when i see a food i consider 'bad' being advertised in a commercial, and how can i stop assigning morals to these foods? am i comparing what i eat to what i see that others are eating?" helpful questions for recovery but when food is everywhere and you're constantly analyzing your relationship with it, it can be draining. so i could see why people wouldn't want to see it all over their social media too.

so the point that I'm laboriously trying to get at is that I always understood why people would tag food with a tw, because it made sense to me personally. but I also totally understand your point and to be truthful I'm really conflicted about this.

I agree with you when you say certain types of foods can be a trigger (like for instance, some people with trypophobia don't like looking at strawberries) so I think I can come to a compromise with you anon. I'll stop using the food tw tag but I'll tag all the foods in the image separately (without putting tw after it bc again I can see how that could be stigmatizing). so for example just something like #strawberries that way it's not adding any negative association to food - but people who, for whatever reason, don't want to see that specfic food can just filter that specific tag.

does that sound okay to you? sorry this is kind of long. lmk if there's anything else I should know or do

#asks #eating disorder tw #ask to tag anything else

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jyndor · 3 years

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(Imperialism etc anon) Ok I get where you're coming from! Thank you for being understanding. While Zutara is obviously not inherently racist or anything there are zutara interpretations that *are* racist (example: fire lady katara which I can get into) and it does need to be acknowledged that Zuko's status as fire nation royalty does create a power imbalance between him and Katara. Now, this is a conversation that has a lot of nuance to it but it seems like the people harassing you are (1/2)

(2/2) just repeating some genuine critique they saw without understanding what it means just to say that they're right, harassing people in the process. I did not have that context when sending that first ask and I apologize, since anons harassing you and others are clearly doing it out of bad faith. I just didn't like the leveraging of concepts that really matter in real life (colonialism, etc), ykwim? But I get what you were trying to do.

hey anon I’m finally getting to you after 84 years XD

so first off, I want to be careful about how I approach this because I understand that as a white person (even if my ancestors experienced imperialism) in the US I absolutely benefit from imperialism and don’t want to like, idk, whitesplain XD so if anyone gets annoyed with any way I say anything, just lmk and I’ll rework it. and I also do understand that these are real world issues that are far more consequential than messaging in media (although I do think it’s very important that we challenge messages in media because of media’s influence on our thinking and politics).

but before I talk about zuko and his relationship to fire nation imperialism, and then later fire lady katara and why it isn’t INHERENTLY racist but definitely can be, I want to talk about the atla fandom and how we got here. like, why I assume that most anons who come at zutara shippers are asshats acting in bad faith. if you already know fandom history, skip this section.

1. atla and the fandom has always been kind of shitty and racist

so IDK if everyone is familiar with the history of the ship war in atla fandom, but it’s regarded as one of the nastiest ship wars in fandom history which I agree lol. atla’s creators were some of the first to interact with the fandom the way they did - back then it wasn’t all that common for creators to get into twitter feuds with fans and boundaries were respected more than they are now imo. but for better or worse, and it is a mixed bag, bryke interacted with fandom a lot. certainly at cons but also on social media.

but honestly things really got extra mean in fan spaces when bryke made a “joke” atla season 4 slideshow out of fan art (some of which was really sexual in nature and totally inappropriate) that mocked fans’ creations, but especially zutara fanart and zutara itself. it was pretty tasteless especially considering how most zutara fans were teen girls, and featured some art of sokka saying that if you think zuko and katara would be good together, you’re doomed to have failed relationships. that’s where the whole “dark and mysterious” bs came from, which does describe some zutara fic but not even most of it lol. I actually do respect bryke a lot despite my criticism of them, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over that shit. like even if you hate zutara, even if it’s a joke, we were kids. and they were adults, and the whole thing was nasty.

however, the ship war was chaotic and messy, but it does feel worse now. maybe it’s because back then the fandom was MOSTLY teens and kids, and I don’t think that’s true now. we were all trying to prove our ship was best with like, content from the show and theories and all that, and now it’s like... whose ship is ~problematic lol it’s a show by white us americans appropriating from various cultures impacted negatively by us/british imperialism that they then profited off of, of course it’s racist. that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about that, and in fact many poc have been saying this shit for years - that atla is racist and colorist at many times (guru pathik anyone?) and no one really listened.

if fans are complaining only about zutara, then I’m automatically writing them off as being insincere or ignorant. and since most of these people are anonymous, I have no idea if they are having substantive discourse about colorism in avatar or cultural appropriation (even if it is mostly appreciative). if you are on anon, I have no context about what you actually think except for what you give me. and that definitely is how I view anons in general but especially within the atla fandom because for all 13-ish years I’ve been in it, it’s been messy. that’s why zutara fans have isolated ourselves from the rest of fandom, because the rest of fandom has been really nasty to us. like did we give back some nastiness? absolutely.

but I would hazard a guess that most anti-zutara shippers don’t know about the conversations we have had in this community to make it safer for people of color, conversations that centered poc and woc especially. hey, that’s okay - not to compare zutara to r*ylo because eurgh but like, idk what discourse the r*ylos have about their community. no idea, I don’t go looking for it. and I don’t go to the tags and harass r*ylos - even though they harass the fuck out of everyone else.

2. so zuko and his privilege

undoubtedly zuko as fire lord is in a fairly privileged position LMFAO. but during the show zuko is very clearly exiled - he holds very little political power in the fire nation EXCEPT for during the first season when he is in command of a ship that ozai gave him on a punishment quest lol like yeah he does terrible things and he of all people would not excuse his actions even if he was a traumatized kid, that’s the point of his arc - that he got some exposure to the rest of the world and worked to be better. and the only reason he was exiled at all was because he cares about people - he didn’t question fire nation supremacy at 13, but he sure did question the morality of his people being lead to slaughter.

but after zuko and iroh defect from the fire nation and stop hunting aang, he has next to no power, in any kind of way. like the guy is a political refugee. and yes, he goes back to the fire nation for like five minutes before realizing that he hates everything about fire nation hegemony and that he wants to end his father’s reign of terror, like that isn’t exactly someone who is going to be well esteemed by the powerful elites when he returns and takes the throne.

and I disregard the comics because they suck lol but zuko does have power as the fire lord, but he limits his power. like compared to ozai, phoenix asshole? azula? for the rest of the world, zuko is kind of an ideal leader for a former colonizing/imperialistic nation to have - someone who worked to end that tyranny, who is anti-imperialist, who believes in justice and equality, who wants to make things right for the peoples who his family oppressed.

I do think it is important to talk about power dynamics and imbalances in relationships - for instance, one could argue that mai is at a significant disadvantage in her relationship with zuko. sure she is from a powerful family but not as powerful as zuko’s. sokka? hah forget it. he’s just as disadvantaged as katara is politically speaking. toph? well, she’s definitely not as powerful politically as zuko - her family tried to silence her for years because of her disability. and oh, she’s disabled so it might be ableist for zuko to strike up a relationship with her when they’re both adults. forgetting of course that toph and sokka and katara and suki and mai are not going to be shy about their wants and needs, that these relationships are not likely to be coercive by nature of the show they’re in and the characters they involve. this is not bill clinton with monica creepiness. like, you’d have to write the relationship that way.

the only person who arguably has more political power than zuko is aang. I guess zuko can’t ever be in a relationship with anyone other than aang. and zuko’s family massacred aang’s people so I guess we can’t ship zukaang. now I know you’re not saying that, context matters. power dynamics are important. but you can’t take away the agency of characters - katara, who is essentially a princess, has agency and can choose who she wants to be with. strictly speaking, aang is more powerful than anyone in terms of political power - he’s the avatar - and of course the dynamic is different by nature of aang not being from a line of oppressors, but there still is a power imbalance in their relationship. and I don’t know how many k/ataang shippers have discourse~ on that. not that I really feel like they NEED to, um idk what they talk about lol I’m not in those circles.

3. fire lady katara is in the eye of the beholder

so fire lady katara is not inherently bad or racist, it’s essentially like saying michelle obama shouldn’t have been first lady of the us (now I get that like the obamas being in power didn’t mean black people are not marginalized lol). you can have conversations about whether or not individual versions of fire lady katara are fucked up, and I’m superrrr open to that because I’ve seen it be kinda shitty before. i’m just gonna leave this link to @shewhotellsstories and her post on this.

but often times katara as fire lady is very dominant in global/fire nation/water tribe politics, she’s a game changer ambassador (that is probably the most popular headcanon I see), she holds on to her culture (and many fans have designed her being in her wt colors, zuko is respectful af to her, she and zuko spend extended periods in the swt, etc. like... it just depends on the way it’s written.

also leaving this response by @avatarnerdkiller to the idea of katara being a prize figurehead.

anyway, thanks for your patience anon and I am curious to see if you see this or even feel like responding after all this time XD

#atla #petty fandom drama #zutara fandom #zutara #fire lady katara #discourse sigh #racism #fandom racism #asks #anonymous

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confused-stars · 3 years

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No pressure to talk about it because I know that getting hate is never fun but know that you have at least one follower that enjoys Endeavor's character arc and would love to hear your thoughts on him/it. I know where you're coming from I have the opposite problem in that I don't like Bakugou and even letting a wiff of that get out and you instantly get labled an Anit and get hate. I'm not an anti I just have very personal reasons for why I don't like him or him in a relationship with DK.

god, yeah, i’ve seen some of that go around, too, with a lot of popular characters. it’s like no one is entitled to their own opinions anymore because it’s immediately seen as a personal attack (but even if someone perceives it that way, they could very, very easily just... keep scrolling. or block the person whose opinions are bothering them. it’s literally that easy.)

there’s probably a tons of essays already written on that topic out there, how black and white mentality is turning online spaces into hostile environments. it’s always been easy for people online to not engage in critical thinking or any kind of empathy. imo, everyone’s experiences and feelings are their own business and should never be policed unless you’re directly attacking other people over theirs or doing active harm in a different way.

not liking a character or liking a character for personal reasons is entirely valid (and also if there’s no deep personal reasons at all because people are allowed to have preferences)

i have a dad who’s a lot like Endeavor, except that he’s not nearly trying as hard, but i shouldn’t even feel like i have to disclose that to justify being invested in his character. i don’t need to have a Doctorate in Todoroki Enji to be able to put personal opinions on my blog or twitter without even tagging anything

lmk if you want me to tag Bakugou content on my blog btw, i’ve been trying to remember doing it with Hawks so i could make a similar tag for him <3

#thank you for the message!!!#i was gonna actually talk about endeavor but then i just started rambling #i might at some point though #just rewatched the season 4 finale last night and i have Thoughts #Anonymous

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salamoonder · 4 years

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Caleb has been fiddling with the wand for a few episodes. I know that it probably more likely that he’s working on Feeblemind or Magnificent Mansion, but what if it’s a new spell. Specifically, what if Caleb is crafting a powerfully destructive spell akin to a a suicide vest. He was trying to leave his anti scry necklace in Vokodo’s lair, he keeps talking about how he can’t let go of his past and that “it’s too late” felt pointed. He’s got something dark up his sleeve. And Liam loves a dark turn

Hey, sorry if my Caleb’s new spell is his newest attempt to destroy himself was a bit of a mind fuck. It’s my darkest theory to date and while I’m not certain by any means that is what he’s doing, I am certain that Liam is going to push Caleb right to the goddamn precipice of total annihilation.

(for context, og ask is 4 days old rip)

hey anon! don’t apologize, it’s highly intriguing. and tbh i’m a good person to come with for dark theories, i love em. i’ve just been turning this over and over in my head. (as a sidenote @ the rest of my followers please lmk if you want this trigger tagged beyond what i’ve already tagged)

i think we are inevitably barreling towards a huge confrontation/fight/something with trent and with that in mind, this doesn’t seem entirely unlikely. i can sort of see it being a good omens situation where crowley wants the holy water just in case-just in case, aziraphale, geez-and while i think caleb has come a long way in terms of healing i am so sure that what is happening right now specifically is that feeling just as you’re getting better that you’re actually doing worse. it’s the, ok you’ve admitted you have trauma, you’ve admitted you need to get better, you’ve talked to some people, you’ve started to change some habits, you finally have some motivation aaaand oh no what the fuck you’re actually a terrible person why did you think you could do this this is an impossible task, you’ve done so much and come so far and there’s STILL such a long way to go, can you actually do that??

anyway i think that’s where caleb is at right now. i’ve seen other theories floating around that he left the necklace to leave himself open to possible confrontation and i am intrigued by those (i can’t figure out what i think myself, tbh, i did a meta on it but it was almost entirely vague speculation) and it would line up with this pretty nicely. it is a super interesting theory, i’m not sure how much i believe it exactly, but it could very well line up. and i am thinking about the decisiveness of that “it’s too late”, now that you’ve pointed it out. and you’re right, liam really likes to push his characters. either way i am so super intrigued as to what he’s planning.

#tw: suicide #anonymous

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clairenatural · 4 years

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On the note of fic recs, I feel like I need to make a few more bookmark collections of fics (and one of them needs to be a collection of Novak Feels) - I made a small collection of my absolute favourite fics and then as I was about to start telling everyone to go read them I recalled exactly everything that was in the collection and thought to myself “hmm” and decided not to.

My ao3 bookmark page is a mess - I think I’ve managed to properly tag roughly a third of it. Doing so on mobile sucks a whole lot. I have a little over a thousand bookmarks, but I use them because they’re easier to sort than subscriptions. And on that note, I’m off to see if I can’t find any good jimmy fics to add in. If you think of anything lmk because I need more than I have atm 😭

I feel you on the vessel consent issues (rip jimmy indeed). It’s so often glossed over (there’s a fic I really love that has a lot about vessel consent issues - from both sides - but it’s one of the “hmm” from my favourites...), but fics that genuinely consider it make me very pleased

1000 bookmarks omg...that sounds chaotic but on the other hand at least u have a great fic resource?

I also don’t have a ton of jimmy fic recs 😭 if anyone has some pls let me and anon know!! i feel like it’s hard to find good jimmy pov fics that aren’t heavily anti-cas (i mean. with good reason asjdhaskdhadl) and i love castiel too much for that. like angst about it is what we’re here for but straight-up ‘castiel is objectively evil and here’s why’ isn’t really my jam

#sorry i can be reasonably critical about everyone i love but castiel has done no wrong and never will #(im kidding but like. why read fic that doesn't spark joy u know)#(altho if it sparks joy for u that's valid ofc)#answered #Anonymous

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ihavenoconsistentname · 5 years

Text

Since we have an empire now

Have an introduction post that's partially a joke

Welcome to the Valere Empire~!

Here we specialize in respecting trans people and asexuals, as well as a few other things, which include, but are not limited to;

Being trans and named Alex

Welcoming all LGBTQ+ people and allies

Hating TERFs, homophobes, aphobes, pedos, and vice versa

Dancing on Justinian's grave even though he was actually a really cool emperor I'm just messing with him okay

Probably being bad at math but I don't speak for everyone

Probably being tired very often for no reason at all

Other things that I can't name because there's too many and I don't know everyone well enough

All are welcome in this empire/union UNLESS:

-You are aphobic, homophobic, transphobic, or anything Anti-LGBTQ+

-You are disrespectful towards people on the basis of religion, sexuality, gender, race, ethnic background, and vice versa

-You are going to harass anyone here for anything

-You are going to be disrespectful and rude towards other people here for no reason

-You are/support pedophiles, TERFs, exclusionists, vice versa

RULES AND REGULATIONS;

You are to be nice to everyone here!!

You are not to be careless or reckless with anything you say that could possibly be triggering towards others

You are to be mindful of other people because you may not fully know them

You are not to disrespect ANYONE here on the basis of race, religion, sexuality, vice versa (refer back to the list of what types of people may not join us here)

Harassment will NOT be tolerated here. Not one bit. No excuses.

Hate speech will also NOT be tolerated. Again, no excuses.

If you want to introduce yourself to other people, feel free to do that by leaving an ask giving a brief introduction (more on this later)

You may invite other people into the empire who do not fit the description of anything not allowed here but I doubt anyone would do that cause I'm a tiny blog and we're just having fun with the few people who actually hang around here

If you for some reason have any issues with people on this blog or in this empire, do NOT bring it into here publicly!! Work it out in private!! Discourse is a major anxiety trigger for me and other people here I'm very sure of that so please,, no public discourse here.

Other things to note;

Please let me know if anything on my blog can be triggering that you would like me to tag so you can filter it out

This isn't the most serious thing ever we can just chill and have fun here this is just something I'm doing for no reason

You aren't required to do anything here except follow the rules about respecting other people and such because I won't tolerate any of that here

If theres anything else I'll add it

For introductions;

An introduction isn't required of course, but if you'd like to leave one, you can leave it in my inbox as an ask

What to include for an introduction:

(May or may not be required)

-Name (Doesn't have to be your real name, required)

-Pronouns (Required so we know what to call you by!!)

-Age (not required, just if you want to)

-Favorite flower (Not required I just wanna put that there aha)

-A couple facts about yourself maybe (Not required but you can if you want ppl to get to know you a lil better)

-Why you're joining us here (Required just so we can see :P)

List of members:

This will be updated whenever the hell so if you're joining us and I haven't put you down on the list lmk and I'll add you

Me! Do I still need to @ myself,, @ihavenoconsistentname

@kool-aidd

@existential-nihilistic-asshole

@garvanadragon

@soysaucedrunk

@koke-mori

@oof-grey-leader

@lilacsandthistles

That's all for this stupid little post I think,,

Remember; we all support and respect each other here, the Empire's name is the Valere Empire because the word "valid" is derived from valere and everyone here is valid no matter what gender/sexuality/etc,, and remember: Ace rights!! Trans rights!! Nb rights!! Everything rights!! Unless you're a pedo/TERF/etc!!

#valere empire #yay im the leader of an empire #:D #ace rights

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