#i can only assume he's probably mad there's no acknowledgement of 9/11
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Hey Siri, define "desperation"
#how much longer can these cartoon review mfs beat this horse. this horse is particles in the soil & the atmosphere#i can only assume he's probably mad there's no acknowledgement of 9/11#shitpost o'clock#youtube#mr enter#high guardian spice
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I’m going to put some thoughts about MCCP Pink Parrots under the cut (not all are positive, so if you don’t want me to be a party pooper please don’t read)
I know people (*cough* Twitter) have issues with this team because they’re all Cis Het White Males and one made a “lesbiophobic joke” five years ago or something. I agree that it’s probably better to “split the clout” to uplift other creators, especially with three (3) Clout People in the same team (unlike the infamous Pink8 which only had Two Clout People), but I understand why Scott made this decision.
This team feels almost specifically made to hype people up, and the combination will attract people to watch and donate, thus raising more money. While representation is good, I think money raised to practically help people > representation this time. Because this is a charity Pride stream, not just a Pride stream. Raising money is the focus here. Famous cishet white male allies can raise a lot of money. Money can help people. These are all facts whether you like it or not. And if you want to see more LGBTQA+ creators in MCC, support them. If you don’t like a certain creator, don’t watch their team. The end.
Don’t know too much about the other three, but I think Grian is good at hosting charity streams. I’ve watched his Love Tropics stream with Iskall (2019?), the first SOS Africa stream with Ren (2020), the MCC 9 stream (2020), and the second SOS Africa stream with Ren, Bdubs, and Scar (2021). Throughout the streams, Grian is consistently respectful and humble. He urges his viewers to donate by patiently talking about the cause in simple terms (since he knows a lot of kids watch him) but without being patronising. Grian also loves putting numbers into things people can measure (eg. How many hot meals can this sum of money buy, if everyone watching right now donated $1 we can reach our goal). Grian also knows his privilege and mentions he’s just a well off guy playing video games in a comfortable place. When Ren thanked him for supporting his fellow South Africans, Grian replied with “we’re all human”. So I believe Grian will spend a lot of his MCCP stream urging viewers to donate, reading out donations, appreciating donations, etc etc. Grian knows his influence and knows how to use it for good. Someone on Twitter mentioned Grian seemed like the type of person to skip this MCC to give more slots for other creators, and I agreed, but then Grian probably thought he could use his influence for good (considering he had MAJOR success for all his past charity streams).
So all in all, I do think this team can raise a lot of money for a good cause. I am okay with this team. But personally I still have some slight issues that probably don’t matter much, but I need to get them out because it’s been eating me alive. All of these so-called “issues” have to do with fanbases, not CCs. Just because I don’t like part of a CCs’ fanbase doesn’t mean I don’t like the CC.
1. This team will probably intensify the “Grian Is The Only Hermit” phenomenon.
A lot of famous CCs only seem to know Grian out of everybody in Hermitcraft (despite False being in every MCC since debut except the non canon ones). They are somewhat akin to the “Grian Only Hermitcraft Watchers”/ “Grumbo YouTube Stan Army”. There’s nothing wrong with knowing Grian only, or only watching Grian, but most of the times the gigantic population of “Grian Only Stans” will neglect Literally Every Other Hermit (except maybe Mumbo). Even when Grian teams with hermits. Hermitcraft fans are mostly used to this bullshit, and they just nicely try to introduce Grian Only Stans to other hermits (which works most of the time).
So to Techno and Wilbur’s fans (I assume Jimmy’s fans are quite familiar with Grian), they’ll go “omg Grian!! Builder!!! Hermitcrafter!!”. This will introduce a bunch of people to Grian/ Hermitcraft (which is great!) but it has a good chance of evolving into the good ole “Grian is the only hermit that matters” thing. Simply because of popularity.
I actually wanted False-Grian-Techno-Wilbur, because Techno and Wilbur actually know False. Techno of course acknowledged her in Dodgebolt, and False and Wilbur have a surprisingly long history of trolling/ annoying each other (from MCC5-9). Wilbur notably trolled Yellow8 and Blue9 by covering up the letters on their uniforms (both hermit teams WITHOUT GRIAN), and when Grian ignored Wilbur around MCC7 Battle Box, Wilbur chose to annoy False instead. False in return seems to notice Wilbur a tiny bit more than general MCC participants (another one she notices is Fundy), such as being amused/annoyed when he overtakes her in Ace Race and gleefully cheering when Wilbur falls.
False is probably the hermit/ hermit adjacent sans Mr Golden Boi Grian with the most “connections” to SBI, Techno and Wilbur know her (Techno forgot about her in MCC 11 but whatever), and she can deal with the three clout people. Which brings me to the next point.
2. Jimmy Solidarity my beloved…
Naturally, Jimmy has already been neglected because he’s the only one who doesn’t have a lot of “clout”. This is different from the last megaclout team Pink8, because Michael and Burren could “lack clout” together. This time, Jimmy doesn’t have anyone with a similar popularity with him. Red10 made me a little more concerned (viewers have pointed out he seems a little bit neglected by the rest of his teammates, especially during DB when they were shittalking Jimmy’s friends).
CCs wise, they will probably/ hopefully be nice and kind (I say hopefully because I cannot trust anyone from DSMP other than HBomb), everyone will get along, no one will be excluded, everyone is happy.
The toxic fans will probably be rabid towards Jimmy (by extension Grian) if they make even a slight mistake, which is why I’m worried about putting a small/medium sized creator with the BIG BIG creators. But, eh. Toxic people will be toxic no matter what. This isn’t an issue exclusive to Pink Parrots.
3. Clashing attitudes?
Hermits and their friends advocate arrow split. Techno does not. What will happen if this team gets to Dodgebolt? Previously, Grian has always been on “arrow split” teams and greatly enjoyed them. Scott has taken care to put people with similar attitudes together. Now what? I have hope that they’re all mature and can compromise, but eh. Grian is strongly against arrow funnelling and calls it not-gentlemanly. I feel Techno will probably let Grian have a few shots since this is a for fun MCC, but what if they get teamed again for some competitive MCC? They’ll probably work it out, but what might their fanbases think?
To conclude, big fanbases = big benefits + big problems. This is not exclusive to Pink Parrots. In fact, I think this is probably the best mix of builders and clout people for this scenario (I personally do not want to see False-Puffy or Ren-Dream). Techno and Wilbur’s fanbases are already the nicer part of the DSMP fanbase.
The most important part is raising money of course, and the silly “issues” I mentioned above don’t mean anything in comparison. Why care about online matters when the money can help people in the real world?
That being sad, I was just a tiny bit salty and I had to get this out. Nonetheless I’m happy about this team, will definitely be interesting (selfishly hope they don’t win because Twitter will be mad a team of cishets won). Anyways, if you’ve read up to here, thank you for reading my ramblings.
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Wanda and the life she deserved (she’ll make sure about it) Epilogue
Summary: thank you for everyone for reading this story! Remember to read the end notes for the surprise I was talking about!
Previous parts: chapter 1, chapter 2 , chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9, chapter 10, chapter 11, Epilogue
Chapter 12: Epilogue
And that was it. Everyone she cared about was gone. She stood in the foundation of her house; her grief so strong it made her numb. She pulled up the hood of her vest desperately wanting to be left alone. Monica soon joined her side.
“You did it,” she remarked, “you actually did it.”
Wanda didn’t answer, she just pressed her lips together and nodded in agreement. She had seen many movies and shows portraying people fixing their mistakes as a good thing, something that made them feel better. She couldn’t relate. She simply felt like disappearing into the unknown and never being seen again.
“You know, I don’t think I would have had the strength to do it, had it been me,” confessed Monica. “I would have done anything to get my mother back, I can only imagine what you’re going through.” The woman gently put her hand on Wanda’s shoulder, making sure to be slow enough so she wouldn’t intrude her personal space. When no protests came, she squeezed lightly. “I’m here for you if you need me.”
As they reached the town square, Wanda did her best to ignore the hateful glare of the citizens she had tortured over the last week. She wished she could tell them she didn’t know, but she was sure no apologies would be enough. Lost in her self-deprecating thoughts, she was surprised when Monica spoke once again. “So, who was the guy who played your brother? We never could identify him. Yet I can see that his family found him.”
Wanda didn’t answer as she looked up at the X-Men. Her brother was deep in conversation, probably telling them about his time in the town. She quickly changed outfits, feeling more comfortable in her newest costume. The Scarlet Witch, as Agatha called her; she liked the name. She was about to fly away when Peter suddenly appeared at her side.
“Wanda, don’t go.”
She froze in place; he didn’t seem mad at her, but she didn’t want to push her luck. Hatred came in many forms. Since she wasn’t talking, Monica spoke up.
“Hi again, I don’t know if you remember, we escaped the witch’s house together?”
Peter chuckled and nodded. “I do, that was wild.”
Wanda could feel Monica’s question, and the hesitation that came with it. “I know I’ve asked you before, but who are you?”
The silver haired man looked at the redhead, silently asking for permission. She couldn’t figure out why he’d even care about her opinion, but she nodded, nonetheless.
“I’m Peter Maximoff, I’m from a different universe.”
That certainly took the S.W.O.R.D. agent by surprise, she looked at both of them, wondering if it was a joke. She had many more questions, but she felt that the Maximoffs needed to talk. With a nod, she walked away to join an Asian man. Probably a friend of hers. That left Wanda and Peter alone, both wondering how to start the conversation.
“So,” started Peter, scratching the back of his neck. “Thanks for releasing me.”
Wanda scrunched her face in shame, why had she even thought it was a good idea? “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I just wanted my brother back and you already wanted to leave, and I just couldn’t-“
“Hey, it’s alright. I mean, obviously it wasn’t fun, but it wasn’t as bad as witchy over there,” he said, pointing at Agnes who was seemingly flirting with police officers. “You wanted me there, so I wasn’t really controlled, I was just sure I was Pietro Maximoff.”
Running a hand through her hair and taking a deep breath to shake away her teary eyes, she finally looked at him in the eyes. “So, you’re not... mad?”
Peter blinked and cleared his throat, “Well, obviously I’m not pleased, but I think I would have done the same thing, had I been given a chance to see Wendy again.”
They walked over to a secluded bench that somehow hadn’t been destroyed by the battle. Wanda kept fidgeting with her fingers, the occasional glares of people mixed with the grief and guilt she felt made an interesting combination of emotions. Peter pulled her into a hug, and she held on for dear life, not wanting to be alone again. “I like the outfit by the way,” whispered Peter in her ear. “Might not believe me but it’s very similar to my dad’s. Irony of the multiverse I guess.”
She couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her lips, he soon laughed too, and let go of her. He looked around the town, taking in the situation.
“You know, it might not have been real, but our little life was good,” commented Peter. He looked at his team, “I didn’t have any superhero duty to think about or daddy issues to deal with. It was simple.”
Wanda looked at him, not sure if he was being serious, when she realized he was, she simply nodded. “Yeah, that’s why I wanted this. I’ve never had a shot at a normal life, not since I was 10 years old.”
Peter smirked in agreement, looking a little lost in thought for a moment. “Yeah, I remember, your life wasn’t easy, uh?”
The redhead suddenly widened her eyes, realizing the weight of his statement, “oh, I’m so sorry, I can remove his memories from your head if you want.” She tried to put her hands on his temple, but he shook his head.
“Nah, I’m good. I’ve had enough people messing in my mind for a century. Plus, I’m not really sure where my memories end and his starts.”
Wanda was left feeling even more guilty, how did she even think that it was a good idea to keep him? She looked at the ground once again, why could she never do things right?
“So... where will you go?” Asked Peter. “Cause I know how this usually goes, you leave in a remote place, isolate yourself and either build a new life or you get even worse than what your current low point is.” Wanda looked at him, raising an eyebrow. He chuckled as he raised his hands in front of him, “hey, you might be from another universe, but my dad basically did the same thing.”
She thought about her options, she had considered isolating herself, she had Agatha’s book after all, she wanted to study it. Before Peter stopped her from leaving, she truly wanted to be left alone. Knowing he didn’t hate her changed things. She wanted him by her side, willingly this time. After a minute or two of waiting, he spoke up, scratching his nose anxiously. “You... you could come with us, if you want.”
She turned her head towards him, eyes wide at the proposition. He gently took her hand and got to his feet. “From what I gathered here; you’re sort of a wanted person? No one knows you in my universe. Plus, powers like yours aren’t unheard of, you’d fit right in!”
He didn’t let her respond as he dragged her to his team. Anxiety was building up in her stomach, how would they react? She had, after all, kidnapped one of their members, even if accidentally. After a quick discussion with the bald man, the professor as he called himself, it was settled that she’d leave with them. The two blue people were polite, but obviously still suspicious of her. Peter’s father was, well, pissed to say the least. He didn’t talk to her and barely acknowledged her when she told them she’d create a portal to get them in their universe. She wasn’t sure how she had already mastered universe hopping, but she assumed it had to do with the scarlet witch thing Agatha had mentioned. After saying goodbye to Monica, who seemed glad Wanda had found people like her, they were off. Portal jumping wasn’t a pleasant experience, but it didn’t feel as bad as the first time she experienced her brother’s superspeed. The first thing she noticed upon arrival was the giant mansion, followed by the dozens of children freely expressing their gift.
That nearly made her breakdown right there.
She adjusted quickly, even made friend with a girl possessing similar powers named Jean Grey. It took a while for Mystique and Nightcrawler to fully trust her, but they eventually did. Erik still blamed her, but he had stopped glaring at her every time she came into a room. She had also learned to astral project herself, giving her more time to study the spell book. It had given her insight she never thought existed.
She had grown closer with Peter, who had confessed one day that his birth name truly was Pietro. They had both lost a twin and while they were both aware that it wasn’t the same; dealing with it together had helped them. Also, being the only people who truly knew Vision and the twins, they felt it was only right to grieve them together as well. Both had had their moments where they tried to talk to them, waiting for an answer, only to realize that they were speaking to shadows. It hadn’t really gotten better; Peter missed his nephews and Wanda missed her family.
Sometimes, when the mansion became too much, she preferred to keep herself in her room. In those time, she usually used it to study the Darkhold and it’s secret. That’s what she was doing, in the middle of the night, when voices pierced her concentration.
“Mom!” Screamed Billy. She gasped as she heard her son in her head. It was Tommy’s voice who followed, “mom, help us!”
Her eyes widened in shock. Her children were alive, they were somewhere. She snapped out of her trance, her mind returning to her body that was laying in her bed. She ran out of her room to join Peter who was listening to music on his Walkman. He looked at her, questions in his eyes, she smiled at him.
“Tommy and Billy, I hear them.”
In a blur, he was in front of her, his hands on her shoulders, hope gleaming in his eyes. “Really?”
Wanda nodded, barely able to contain her excitement, “really.”
In less than five seconds, Peter had packed a bag and was holding it at his side. He offered his hand to Wanda, who gladly took it. He grinned, “let’s go get the rugrats.”
***
Notes: so it’s done! I hope you guys liked it!
As for the surprise, both my father and girlfriend wanted to know more about how the X-men got to Westview so I wrote another fic of their point of view! I’m nearly finished writing it, and it should be about 30k words. Each chapter being approximately 3k words. Now, question is, when and how often should I publish it? I had thought about publishing it every Sunday, unless there’s a day where it’s easier for you guys to read.
#evan peters#peter maximoff#pietro maximoff#wandavision#wanda maximoff#wanda and pietro#elizabeth olsen#x men universe#quicksilver#marvel#x men quicksilver#xmen#marvel universe#marvel fanfiction#wandavision fix it#wandavision fanfic#wandavision spoilers#multiverse twins#scarlet witch#wandavision agatha harkness#agatha harkness#vision#monica rambeau#billy maximoff#tommy maximoff#charles xavier#erik lensherr#magneto
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just a little sweeter (pt. 11)
Double post today! Enjoy parts 10 & 11 :)
BIPOC rec: I’ve recently read The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi. I don’t want to spoil anything. It’s excellent. The writing is detailed and amazing. It’s set in Paris in like the 1800s with magic and fun and a heist. It’s the first of a trilogy and the second one came out this year. I can’t wait to read it.
w.c. 2.1k (fluff, brief angst but it’s over pretty quick)
pt.1; pt.2; pt.3; pt.4; pt.5; pt.6; pt.7; pt.8; pt. 9; pt. 10
“You need to tell her.”
“Tell her what?” Jihoon demands. His eyes are going over the brief of the meeting. He cannot believe that it was brought up in front of everyone, making it everyone’s problem.
“That there’s evidence to out you guys,” Jeonghan says. “She deserves to know. Even though you already made your decision on the matter extremely clear.”
“The company’s buying the photos,” Jihoon points out.
“But there’s a possibility that they’ll make the decision to put the photos out anyway,” Jeonghan reminds him. “Seriously. Just to be a good boyfriend, mention it to her.”
Jihoon frowns, but tries to rearrange his expression into something else when he sees Eunha running down the hallway. She grabs his hand and pulls him back to the studio where she’d been colouring during the meeting. He ends the phone call of the phone on the table and sits down on the floor next to her things. Eunha begins walking him through a bear story, something akin to the Blue’s Clues episode they had watched. He had stumbled upon the show on YouTube and Eunha had taken a liking to it. While most of it is in English and he really only understands 60% of it, Eunha sings along to the songs and seems to know what’s going on.
Enough to give him a similar story anyway with a bear and ant as the lead characters.
The phone in his pocket starts singing the FaceTime ring tone. Eunha’s eyes widen and she climbs into his lap, immediately assuming it will be someone she knows. When he pulls the phone out, he helps Eunha sound out the name.
“Hey,” Jihoon says.
His second favourite smile in the world smiles back at him. “Hey.” She waves at Eunha. “Hi kiddo.”
Eunha holds the phone with both hands so she can put her face as close to the camera as she can. “Hello!”
“What’s up?” Jihoon asks, chuckling at his baby’s antics.
“Jeonghan oppa sent me a text telling me to call you when I had a chance.”
Jihoon restrains himself from rolling his eyes. Jeonghan isn’t usually one to meddle too much; that’s usually Seungkwan. Yet here he is. Meddling. “Yeah…”
“Is something wrong?”
“No.” He pauses. “Well, not really.” He glances at Eunha in the screen. “Can you hold on for one second?”
She glances up at something past the phone, probably an employee. “Sure.”
Jihoon puts the phone down and scoops Eunha up. “You’re going to play with Uncle Soonyoung for a little while, okay? Say goodbye.”
Eunha calls her goodbye and waves.
“Bye kiddo!”
Jihoon starts to walk out the door.
“Can I bring my colours?”
“Of course you can.” Jihoon goes back and picks up her things. “Hold this for me, okay?” He hands her the notebook, so he can hold the crayon box and juice box. Then he takes her to the practice room. Some of the members have a television shooting, which is likely why Jeonghan sent the message to her at all. Jihoon won’t be able to chew him out until later.
Luckily, Minghao and Jun are in the practice room. They’re going over choreography for the upcoming concerts. He doesn’t even bother to ask where Soonyoung is.
Jihoon sets Eunha down at the front of the room and looks between the two men. “Can you just watch her for a couple minutes? I have to take a phone call.”
Minghao smiles. “Yeah, sure, hyung.”
Jun is already squatting down next to her and asking about her art.
Jihoon hurries back to the phone. She’s humming as she types on her computer. He recognizes the tapping of the keys. “Hey.”
The sound slows before she turns back to him. “Give me one more second.”
“Sure.”
Jihoon sits in his chair and then hears the audible whoosh of her email being sent. She leans into the camera, smiling. “Alright, I’m all yours. What’s up?”
“Jeonghanie hyung wanted me to talk to you about the meeting we had this morning.”
Her brow furrows slightly. “That seems kind of random, but okay. I’m listening.”
“It had something to do with you?”
“Me?” Her furrowed brow turns into a frown. “What about me?”
He clears his throat. “Apparently, there was a reporter following me and they happened to get a picture of us on our date last week.” He watches her eyes begin to widen in panic, so he attempts to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible. “But the meeting was about whether I wanted them posted. Sometimes they come through the company before photos get posted like that. Obviously, I said that it wasn’t me and that even if it were, I didn’t want the world to know. Jeonghan hyung just thought that you should know they exist and that it isn’t in my control if they get posted.”
Her expression is the epitome of shock. She stares blankly at the screen, as if she’s still processing all his words.
“Please say something.”
Her eyes close and she begins to speak, her voice coming out strangled. That’s not good. “So, you’re saying that photos that you don’t own of us are floating around in the ether and that you can’t control whether they get posted or not?”
“The company is trying to buy some of the photos off them, but who knows how many they have? Or if there are any that look exactly like me.”
“How much control do we get over them?”
“Well, honestly, not much control. If we get seen together more often and whatnot.”
She takes a deep breath. “So, I can’t go out with my boyfriend anymore, because I have to worry about people with cameras following him around?”
Jihoon’s hand fiddles with his ear. “Maybe.”
“I already have to worry about hiding my face when we have Eunha with us. Now I have to worry about just being with you in public?”
Jihoon can feel his heart sinking. “Yeah.”
“I—” Jihoon hears someone call her name. “I’ll be right there,” she responds. The door closes and she looks back at the screen, completely bewildered. “I… I need to think about this. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay.”
“Bye.” She hangs up before he can say anything. He stares at his lock screen. It’s a photo of her and Eunha drawing in the apartment. She was teaching Eunha how to draw a bear.
He quickly sends off angry messages to Jeonghan before going back to the practice room to pick up Eunha. He peers into the room and can see her contentedly drawing while Jun and Minghao practice. He decides that maybe he can stew in his confusion and anger a little while longer alone in the studio.
“Has she called you back?” Jeonghan asks that night.
The members caught him just as he was about to take Eunha home and they offered dinner at the dorms. She’s busy playing with Seungkwan and Soonyoung in the living room, so Jihoon doesn’t mind sounding pissed off.
“No. She hasn’t. And if you hadn’t told her that there was something I needed to say, she probably wouldn’t be mad right now.”
Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “She deserves to know the consequences of dating you.”
“I think the ‘biggest consequence’ of dating me is sitting in the living room right now.”
A soft voice and a tug on his sweatpants pull his attention away. Jihoon looks down and sees the hurt expression on Eunha’s face, though she doesn’t acknowledge it. “Uncle Seungkwan and Uncle Soonyoung want to know when dinner is ready.”
Jihoon takes a deep breath and squats down in front of her. “It’ll be done soon, okay?”
She spins on her heel and scampers out of the kitchen. Jihoon glares back at Jeonghan.
“You have a tiny daughter! I didn’t see her come in!” Jeonghan exclaims.
Mingyu, the one actually doing all the cooking, glances over his shoulder. “I think you need to apologize and explain to both the girls in your life what’s going on, hyung.”
“Since when did you get so enlightened?” Jihoon grumbles.
When he puts Eunha to bed that evening, he sits cross-legged on the floor next to the bed. “Hi, little one.”
She pouts and stares at him. Her little arms are wrapped tightly around a bunny plushie Chan had gotten her for her birthday.
Jihoon runs a hand through her hair. “Did you hear me when I was talking to Uncle Hannie?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Ah. Okay.”
“But…” Her pout deepens. “It was mean.”
Jihoon holds his breath. “I didn’t mean what I said. Even if you didn’t understand, I shouldn’t have said those things.” He leans forward to kiss her forehead. “I’m sorry.”
Her voice softens. “Do you not like me anymore?”
God, he hates that Soonyoung taught her that phrase. The man says it so much around Jihoon, he should have known his intelligent child would learn how to use it.
“That’s not it.” He doesn’t know how to explain his feelings to her in a way she’ll understand. She’s using her entire vocabulary already by having this conversation. Jihoon rests his chin on the bed. “Life’s just hard.”
“‘Cause of me?”
“No. Not because of you.” He pecks her forehead again, and runs a hand over her head. “Never because of you.”
Eunha asks if it’s because of his girlfriend.
“Not because of her either. It’s all because of daddy. This is my fault.”
“Why?”
“It’s complicated. Is that okay?”
Eunha doesn’t know what complicated means, but she seems to accept his answer, because she snuggles beneath the covers.
He gets to his feet and gives her one more kiss. “I’m sorry again. I love you.”
“Love you,” she mumbles, already falling asleep.
Jihoon leaves the door open a crack. The actual baby monitor is on next to her. He makes sure that he can hear her breathing then he plops himself on the couch and stares at his phone. He debates calling, wondering if she’d call when she’s ready. It’s been at least twelve hours. She should be going to bed soon and they did agree to video chat tonight.
He doesn’t have to wonder too long, because she calls him instead.
Jihoon answers in a second.
“That was fast,” she mutters. “Thought I’d have a few more rings to pull myself together.”
She’s sat in bed. The only light coming from her phone screen.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
There’s a long bout of silence he doesn’t know how to fill.
“How mad are you?” he finally asks.
“Not mad,” she clarifies. She must see the skepticism on his face. “Seriously, Jihoon, I’m not.”
“So why haven’t you talked to me all day?”
She tips her head back with a groan of frustration. “Because it’s hard to process what you told me this morning.” She meets his gaze. “There are so many rules. I don’t…” She shakes her head. “You’re high maintenance.”
He gets the jab. “Am I so high maintenance that this is over?”
“I don’t know.” She sighs. “I only get to see you in person a few times a month, and only once a month with just the two of us. Now we’re limited to staying in, because people are actually stalking you.”
Jihoon doesn’t mention that there was always the risk of people following them. “So, what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. You can’t do anything about it. It’s not your fault you’re in a famous idol group and have a daughter. I knew that you came with those things when we started dating. I just… I didn’t realize how much of my life would have to change because of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well…” She runs a hand through her hair and flips it. Jihoon loves when she does that, though he’s never told her. “I thought that I could keep it separate. My own life and then whatever our life together is. And I can, but when people in my life ask me about who I’m dating, what I’m up to, I’m so limited as to what I can say. Only my mom and Soobin know that we’re dating and that you even have a child. Everyone else thinks that I have an elusive boyfriend who doesn’t want to meet them.
“I just didn’t realize that when we got together that there would be a huge part of my life that I’d have to hide.”
Listening to her talk about it this way makes him wonder if it’s worth it for her. She sounds so discouraged with him and their situation. But she’s right; he can’t do anything about it. This is his life. But it doesn’t have to be hers.
Before he can even think about how to broach the topic of breaking up, she says, “But I adore you and I adore Eunha. I want this to work.”
Jihoon lifts an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yeah, really. As of right now, I want to work through this with you.”
“Do you… want to come over?”
She glances down at her pajamas. “I’m in bed right now.”
“Come over and cuddle?”
Her eyebrows rise. “Tempting.”
“Come over, cuddle and watch Avengers?”
She laughs. “Give me 10.”
#woozi#woozi scenarios#woozi imagines#Lee Jihoon#lee jihoon scenarios#seventeen scenarios#seventeen imagines#Seventeen#svt
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Across Time || Chapter 27
Fandom: Servamp
Ships: KuroMahi (main), LawLicht (side)
Characters: Kuro, Mahiru, Hyde, Licht
Summary: Mahiru falls into a well and is taken to a new, fantasy world. He comes across a half-blooded cat demon trapped in a tree. After he frees Kuro, he helps him collect the shards of the sacred jewel. (KuroMahi, InuYasha AU)
Ch.1 || Ch.2 || Ch.3 || Ch.4 || Ch.5 || Ch.6 || Ch.7 || Ch.8 || Ch.9 || Ch.10 || Ch.11 || Ch.12 || Ch.13 || Ch.14 || Ch.15 || Ch.16 || Ch.17 || Ch.18 || Ch.19 || Ch.20 || Ch.21 || Ch.22 || Ch.23 || Ch.24 || Ch.25 || Ch.26 || (Ch.27) ||
A bright light filtered through Mahiru’s eyelids and it pulled him out of his sleep. As he slowly regained consciousness, he became more aware of how stiff his body felt. Mahiru opened his eyes and he was confused when he saw the industrial light above him. He had become accustomed to seeing a blue sky whenever he woke. For a moment, he thought he was dreaming.
Mahiru moved his hand and he felt a light grip around it. He turned his head to find Kuro sleeping beside him in a chair. He also realized that he was in a hospital room and they were in his era again. Kuro must’ve taken him back through the well after the fight with Mikuni. Memories of the night came back to him and he tried to sit up. His body refused to move and he groaned slightly.
His voice woke Kuro and he jumped to his feet. He leaned over him and carefully ran his fingers through Mahiru’s brown hair. With his era’s advanced technology, he thought it was best to take him back to his time to treat his wounds. Kuro couldn’t remember the last time he had been so scared. Even now, he was afraid that the slightest touch would hurt him.
“You’re awake.” He whispered as a reassurance to himself more. Kuro brushed his bangs from his forehead and then pressed a soft kiss to the spot. His uncle drove them to a large building and Kuro didn’t understand what they intended to do to help Mahiru. The doctors didn’t allow him to see him until an hour after they took him to another room.
“How long have I been sleeping? Are Tsurugi and the others safe as well? I purified the castle but I don’t know if it was enough to break the spell over them. Touma was there and—” Mahiru paused when Kuro placed his finger against his lips. His warm hand calmed him and Mahiru took a shaky breath. He closed his eyes and leaned into his hand. “He took my jewel shards.”
“We’ll get them back. Don’t think about the sacred jewel or Touma and focus on recovering instead, Mahiru. You used too much of your spiritual energy and I was worried that it would damage your heart. The doctor said you’re fine though.” He made a weak smile. Mahiru stretched out his arms to him and Kuro climbed onto the bed to accept his silent invitation. He hugged him and rested his head against his chest to listen to his heart beat.
Mahiru reached up to touch Kuro’s cat ears but he had a hood pulled over his head. He understood that he had to hide them because doctors would question why a man had cat ears. He slipped his hands beneath his hood and threaded his fingers through his hair until he could scratch his ears. Kuro started to purr and Mahiru chuckled lightly at the sound. His laughter ran through his chest and Kuro could feel it.
Kuro sat up and his bell rang between them. The sound drew Mahiru’s attention to the pouch he wore and the jewel shards glowed through the fabric. They had fought countless battles to collect the shards yet Touma took them from him so easily. He was already injured and he couldn’t use his spiritual power at the time. Mahiru still felt guilty.
“Are you thinking about what happened? Mikuni made that trap to take all of our jewel shards but you were the one who stopped him. Your arrow broke his spell and he ran away after that.” Kuro knew how Mahiru took on too much responsibility and he wished he would acknowledge his own strength. “We’ll go back and make a plan with Hyde and Licht later. For now, rest.”
“I don’t know if I can relax.” Mahiru admitted and laid back against the pillow. “Who knows how many shards Touma has now that he had stolen my half? He might have a majority of the sacred jewel now.”
He thought of what Touma told him before he took his jewels. He called him weak like his mother. What kind of relationship did they have and why did he resent him? His mother briefly appeared with a pinkish glow around her. He didn’t know if she was truly his mother or the version of her that lived in the past. He recalled how she also protected him from the centipede demon.
Mahiru was pulled out of his thoughts when Kuro took his hand. “I asked your uncle if there was anything that I could do to distract you from what happened and help you feel better. He said I should take out on a date so you would have a break from collecting the jewel shards. I don’t know what a ‘date’ is but I’ll take you anywhere you want.”
“A date isn’t a place. People in your time would call it a part of courting where you take your lover somewhere for fun. It doesn’t matter where as long as we’re together.” He explained. They spent a lot of time together while collecting the jewel shards but they haven’t been able to go on a conventional date. Mahiru wanted to spend time with him on a date, he didn’t know if it was the right time.
Kuro placed his finger beneath his chin and he turned his head to face him. His red eyes were earnest and Mahiru felt his heart quicken. Kuro could see how hesitant he was and he moved his hand to hold Mahiru’s. He gave him a tender squeeze before he said, “You uncle also told me that you like simple dates like going to the movies or eating out.”
“I know a local place that has great ramen and somen where we can eat.” Mahiru said. “But I need to be discharged from the hospital before I can leave. They’ll probably want to do a few tests and speak with me. I don’t know how to explain to them that a wind sorcerer threw me against the wall.”
“Your uncle told them that you fell off your bike. He’s in the cafeteria right now and I’ll go tell him that you’re awake. I’m sure you want to talk to him after being gone so long.” Kuro stood up and kissed his forehead before he left. His consideration touched his heart and Mahiru glanced at the chair beside his bed. He had likely stayed beside him the entire night.
Mahiru called to Kuro as he opened the door. “I’m looking forward to our date, Kuro.”
Licht studied the strange contraption that he often saw Mahiru use to travel. He had never seen something similar before. Mahiru called it a bike and it was unique to his village. He didn’t explain much about the bike and Licht wondered if it was a demon in disguise or a strange wagon. He touched the cold metal and closed his eyes to listen for a heartbeat. “What are you, Mr. Bike?”
Something tickled his neck and Licht instinctively flinched away from the touch. He almost fell into the bike but an arm caught him before he could be hurt. Licht wasn’t surprised after he heard Hyde chuckle in his ear. The demon seemed to enjoy sneaking up behind him to play small tricks. He was more confused with himself since he hadn’t sensed him approach him.
Kirara hadn’t warned him about Hyde behind him either. Instead, the cat demon reached out its tiny paw to him and purred happily. He reasoned that she didn’t warn him because she trusted him after all the time they spent together. Licht petted Kirara and he hated to admit that he felt the same. They were so accustomed to Hyde’s presence that they didn’t react to his approach. Despite everything he learned as a demon slayer, he considered Hyde a new comrade.
“Are Kuro and Mahiru back from their mysterious village?” Licht asked and moved out of Hyde’s arms. Kuro had immediately taken Mahiru back to his village and he forgot to bring the bike and backpack in his rush. He brought the two items back to Toru’s village for them. “I wonder if Mahiru is also from a village of demon slayers for Kuro to keep their location a secret. He didn’t allow anyone to follow him and he destroyed his tracks.”
“Who would believe a lazy bastard like my brother would go through so much trouble for a human? Even though he was panicked, he thought of Mahiru’s wish to keep his village a secret. I was curious about the place since Mahiru is different. I considered tracking him but I’m sure Kuro would be mad if I did. Mahiru must be something.” Hyde joked but Licht started to feel strange. He was jealous of how he spoke of Mahiru. Licht respected Mahiru and he knew Hyde only saw him as a friend yet the feelings turned his stomach.
He looked away from him and flicked the bike pedal. Licht wanted to push aside the confusing feelings to focus on the twirling pedal. Then, he felt Hyde’s large hand on his head and he tousled his hair. He looked back to see him grinning. “As strange as Mahiru is, he can never be as unique as an angel. I’ve never heard of a demon slayer with a pet nekomata.”
“I didn’t know Kirara was a demon at first. She wandered into my crib when I was a toddler and I assumed she was a regular cat. I adopted her. According to my mother, I cried loud enough to attract demons when they tried to take her away from me.” Licht slipped the cat from his shoulder and cradled her in his arms. “She’s my family and I didn’t want to be separated from her.”
“Kirara adores you too. She’s not fully grown and intelligent like other nekomata but I can understand her when she purrs.” As Hyde petted the cat, he leaned closer to Licht without thinking. “I heard you talking to ‘Mr. Bike’. This thing is probably a tool for travelling though. It doesn’t have a demon presence and Mahiru doesn’t talk to it like he would a pet.”
“Mahiru sits on it like a horse.” Licht picked up the bike and he imitated how Mahiru would sit on it. He swung his leg over the seat but he found it difficult to balance on the bike. The wheels were thin and the ground was uneven. “Mahiru places his feet on these two stirrups. Will it go forward if I press on them?”
The moment he took his feet off the ground to press the pedal, the bike started to tilt sideways. Hyde reached out to stop the bike from falling but then he felt a sharp pain on his feet. Licht had hastily placed his foot on the ground for balance and he accidentally stepped on him. The spikes on his boots made the pain worse. He saw him wince but he didn’t become angry like he expected. Hyde only laughed.
“Maybe we should wait until Mahiru comes back so he can properly teach you how to ride that bike.” He playfully ruffled his hair again. “I don’t know why you’re suddenly interested in the bike. You already have Kirara and she’s faster than this contraption.”
“Kirara is wonderful. She’s the fastest nekomata alive and she can even fly.” Licht agreed and nodded proudly. He petted the cat on his shoulder but his smile became tainted with regret. “We weren’t fast enough to reach the castle before Kuro and Mahiru were attacked by the wind sorcerer. I’m supposed to be the fastest in my family but I was too slow again.”
Hyde knew that he was thinking of his father who had also died in one of Touma’s traps. He didn’t know what he could say to comfort him. He placed his hands on the bike and Licht sat in the loose circle of his embrace. “In a fair fight, angels always win. Touma doesn’t fight fair though. When Mahiru sent that familiar to us, it couldn’t take us to the castle because of the barrier.”
“That’s what I hate most about demons. They can never be honest and resort to tricks when fighting us. Demons already have an advantage with their power and we tried to fight back with our numbers. We worked so hard but that demon…” Licht looked up and his words trailed off. He was a demon and he would feel offended that he had insulted his kind. Hyde was different from the demons he fought and he forgot that he was an oni. “I was talking about Touma.”
“I’m a demon and I’ve used cowardly tricks too.” Hyde snapped his fingers and a wind circled them. He let go of the bike but his wind kept it from falling again. Licht cautiously placed his foot on the peddle and pushed down on it to make the bike crawl forward. Hyde walked beside him. “With my knowledge as a demon and a monk, I’ll strip Touma of any tricks he could use. The only thing left is for an angel to purify him. Then, we’ll both have our revenge.”
“A demon slayer, an oni monk, a priest and a half demon. We make a strange team, don’t we?” Licht chuckled and the subtle tilt of his lips was surprisingly attractive. He rarely smiled and Hyde wondered what he could do to see the expression more. An eccentric demon slayer shouldn’t affect him so much when he already promised that he wouldn’t become attached to a human again.
Kirara jumped off his shoulder and shifted into its larger body. He was confused when it growled at them since it was rarely aggressive. Licht stepped off the bike and he walked to the large cat. He reached out to it but Kirara walked past him to the bike and picked it up in her mouth. He watched Kirara carry the bike towards the river and he realized its intention too late.
Kirara dropped Mahiru’s bike into the water.
“Bad girl, why would you do that?” Licht ran into the lake to retrieve the bike before it could be carried away by the current. A small tug on his shirt stopped him and he looked back to Kirara. She whined softly and he wished that he understood what she wanted to tell him. Kirara rarely misbehave so he couldn’t guess why she would throw the bike into the lake. “What is it, Kirara?”
“She got jealous that you were riding on the bike instead of her.” Hyde told him and he had chuckled at the situation.
“You should know that I could never replace you. You’re my family. But Mahiru’s also our family and he’ll be sad if something happens to his bike. Let’s get it and then we can take a ride around the village.” Licht reassured the cat and stroked its fur. Hyde imagined if he held him and he found that he was the one to feel jealous. He didn’t want to be a companion to Licht like Kirara was though.
“You need to catch the noodles, Kuro. I thought you would be better at this since you love ramen and you have cat-like reflexes. Here, you can have this one.” Mahiru used his chopsticks to catch the cluster of nagashi somen that slid down the bamboo shoot. He dipped the noodles into the broth and then brought it to Kuro’s mouth to feed him. He took Kuro to a restaurant that offered a variety of noodles for their date. “How does it taste?”
“Good. You said you were a cook for a restaurant. Did you make dishes like this? The food at this restaurant tastes different from yours. I would like to taste yours since the food you make back home has a different seasoning. It’s simple but good too.” While Mahiru brought him cup ramen to eat, Kuro also enjoyed when he would cook for them.
“I actually work in a curry shop but I know how to make noodles like this. Once we have an opportunity like this again, I’ll make somba from scratch for you. It would be difficult for me to carry all the supplies I need to make homemade noodles to the past.” Mahiru offered. “My uncle bought this toy version of a bamboo shoot where you can slide down noodles like this. Maybe I can find it for the occasion.”
Mahiru had a bright smile whenever he spoke of his uncle and Kuro couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to him in that moment. He brushed his bangs from his forehead so he could see his brown eyes better. His casual touch caused Mahiru to pause as if he were spellbound. They were always together in the feudal era but his touch felt more intimate now that they were on an official date.
“Is there something on my face, Kuro?” Mahiru tried to hide that he was blushing by rubbing a napkin over his cheek. The action only drew Kuro’s attention to his lips and he forced himself to turn back to his bowl. He was tempted to kiss him but he didn’t know if he should with so many people around them.
“Pardon me,” A voice came between them and Kuro leaned away from Mahiru. A waiter held up a pitcher of water and asked, “Would you like me to refill your glasses?”
“Yes, thank you. We’re finished eating so can you get us our bill? The food was great.” Mahiru said and reached for his wallet to pay for the meal. He was a little confused when Kuro stopped him by placing his hand over his.
“I’ll pay for the food. Your uncle said that it’s my responsibility to take care of you as your mate.” Kuro told him. Mahiru didn’t know how he intended to pay the bill when he didn’t have money from his era. He was happy that his uncle supported their relationship but he hoped he didn’t give him money to pay for their date. Then, Kuro said: “I have a rare mummified kappa claw and that should be enough.”
“Wait, you have what?” Mahiru saw him pull a claw out his pocket and he started to panic. He could only imagine the panic that would occur after they saw the claw. He needed to stop him. “Sit, Kuro!”
“Sorry about using the incarnation on you, Kuro. The waiter would’ve freaked out if they saw a demon’s hand. I might’ve caused a bigger scene by using the spell though.” Mahiru and Kuro held hands as they walked home from the restaurant. It was night and Kuro was surprised by how bright the street was with the lanterns lining the path. Mahiru moved closer to him and leaned his head against his arm.
“Are you cold?” Kuro took off his red robe and placed it over Mahiru’s shoulders. He slipped his arms through the sleeve and drew the fabric to his nose. Mahiru wasn’t cold but he liked the opportunity to wear his jacket and walk close to him. No matter if they were exploring the feudal era or having a simple walk in the modern world, he was happy to spend time with Kuro.
“We ate a lot. How about we burn off all those calories by playing in the park?” Mahiru took his hand and led Kuro into the park across the street. Most would find the park childish but he wanted to see what his reaction would be. The feudal era didn’t have playgrounds with swings and slides. He experienced new things in Kuro’s time and he wanted to give him a similar experience.
Since it was late, the park was empty and they were the only two in the area. Mahiru sat on a swing and lightly kicked off the ground. “I don’t know if you have something similar to playgrounds like this. There are forests next to the village where kids can play and explore. We don’t have as many vast landscapes like you do. Sit on the swing next to me, Kuro.”
He accidentally used the incarnation and he jumped forward to stop him from crashing into the dirt. Mahiru hugged him but the power of the spell was stronger than he expected and he was pulled to the ground as well. He fell onto his back but he wasn’t hurt by Kuro. Kuro caught himself before he could fall on top of Mahiru.
They laid on the ground but Mahiru found himself laughing. He reached up to play with the bell hanging from his neck and rang it lightly. “When we have the chance to speak with my uncle in the past again, we should ask him how to break the incarnation. He cast the spell so you wouldn’t try to steal the jewel from me. We don’t have to worry about that so you don’t need this.”
“The incarnation is troublesome but I want to keep the bell. It’s the first thing you gave me.” He said and sat up. Mahiru had his arms around his neck and he moved with Kuro. He tightened his hold around him lightly and thought of how well they fit together. His arms made him feel safe and protected and Mahiru didn’t want to let go of him.
“You know, Kuro, when you said that you talk to me uncle, I was a little scared. I thought you two would’ve said that I should stay in my time here. Touma was able to take my jewel shards from me.” Mahiru placed his hand over his heart where he would wear the necklace that held his shards. “Without the shards, I can never go back or see you again. That scares me more than Touma.”
“I can never leave you behind again.” Kuro took off his jewel shards and slipped it around Mahiru’s neck. He cupped his face and leaned down to kiss his forehead. The fight before them was dangerous but he understood Mahiru’s wish to face the challenge together. He was the strongest person he knew yet he would fight for him and future together. “I won’t let Touma or anyone else hurt you again.”
“Touma didn’t hurt me and I think it was because my mother was there. She also protected us from the centipede demon the night we met. At first, I thought I hallucinated her but there could be a chance she’s still alive. Touma wasn’t surprised to see Mother so he must know something. I want to talk to him.” Mahiru decided. “It’ll be more difficult to defeat him than simply killing him.”
“It’ll be troublesome but we’ll find a way.” Kuro agreed to his plan quicker than Mahiru expected but his answer warmed his heart. “We should head home before demons come out. It’s night. I don’t know what kind of demons live in this park but I would rather not fight them.”
“My time doesn’t have demons but it is rather late. I wanted to enjoy the park but I think there’s something you’ll enjoy more. I like sleeping under the stars with you but you haven’t tried sleeping in a bed. It’s more comfortable then the ground.” Mahiru hugged Kuro’s arm and grinned up at him. “I don’t usually have sex on the first date but I’ll make an exception for you, Kuro.”
“There’s no rush to go back so we can stay the night.” He leaned down and kissed him softly.
#servamp#kuromahi#lawlicht#sloth pair#greed pair#servamp kuro#mahiru shirota#servamp hyde#licht jekylland todoroki#fanfiction
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I think I’ve figured out folklore’s chronology
James Betty August Taylor
1. seven is the first song in the folklore story and it’s told by James and it’s about him falling in love with Betty when they were younger. “Your braids like a pattern” “our love lasts so long” this lyric shows the naïve-ness of childhood love. The lyric “your dad is always mad” comes up when Betty writes cardigan “leaving like a father” so we can assume James is talking to and about Betty.
2. peace is the story of August and James’ affair and is told by August. Lyrics like “I never had the courage of my convictions” & “as long as danger is near” suggest that this is at the start of the affair and she knows that she can’t ever be “the one” for him but she can keep him company “I’m a fire and I’ll keep your brittle heart warm”. She also shows that it isn’t serious in the lyric “I talk shit about you to my friends, it’s like I’m wasting your honour”.
3. mirrorball is also told by August about the affair “Hush, when no one is around, my dear” “shining just for you” but as the affair is coming to an end “I know they said the end is near”. She is more invested in their relationship than James is; a contrast to peace. She doesn’t want it to end just yet “I’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me”
4. my tears ricochet is written as Betty when she first finds out about the affair. “did I deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me?” and “I swear I loved you” shows the initial hurt and regret she feels about being invested into a relationship in which he was not.
5. exile is the dialogue between August and James as their relationship ended. We can deduce that it’s between the two of them by lyrics such as “we always walked a very thin line” is complementary to “as long as danger is near” in peace, and “now I’m leaving out the side door” which suggests that people didn’t know about the two of them being in the same place so they needed to leave separately or maybe she didn’t want to face anyone else by leaving through the main door.
6. illicit affairs is then told by August who is reflecting on the end of the affair. “Put the perfume back on the shelf that you picked out just for him so you leave no trace behind, like you don’t even exist” shows that she feels unwanted or she genuinely fell in love with James. “it dies a million little times” is a continuation of mirrorball’s “and when I break, it’s in a million pieces”. The anger and resentment is shown clearest in the lyric “look at this idiotic fool that you made me” which suggests instant regret.
7. hoax is a continuation of my tears ricochet but the two have a little bit of distance in between. “Screaming ‘give me a reason’” and “your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in” suggests that she truly loves James but he took it for granted. She’s confused as to why he did what he did.
8. this is me trying is James’ inner monologue as he’s apologising to Betty. This track comes between betty’s bridge and last verse which is proved by the lyric “I’m here in your doorway” while, in betty, it’s “so I showed up at your party”
9. betty is James’ apology to Betty for cheating on her. He confesses that “it was just a summer thing”, wants to “make it up to [her]” and asks for forgiveness.
10. cardigan is Betty’s inner monologue during James’ apology where she feels loved again “you put me on and said I was your favourite”. We know that this is only the initial reaction because of how quickly she accepts his apology in betty and her need to be loved.
11. august is August’s reflection on her relationship with James but the maturity of the lyrics suggests that it is a while after they ended. “Whispers of ‘are you sure?’ ‘Never have I ever before’” suggest innocence with a tint of secrecy. Those lyrics also suggest that James was important to her because she lost her virginity to him.
12. invisible string is told by Betty about her falling in love with Bill. “Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven” is a reference to her relationship with James and so is “cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart” because of him cheating on her.
13. the 1 is Betty’s reflection on her relationship with James and how naïve they were to believe they would last forever. This is suggested in lyrics like “if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you”. However, we can deduce that Betty is older while writing this because of her acknowledgement of August “chase two girls, lose the one” and “if you wanted me, you should’ve shown”
14. the last great american dynasty is Betty’s story told by Taylor and it’s the song which allows her to enter her own story because of Betty owning Taylor’s home before her. Betty inherited a lot of money from Bill and the town questions her motives.
15. mad woman is told by Betty and is possibly about the people who drove her out of Rhode Island with lyrics like “you poke that bear til the claws come out” and “women like hunting witches too” which suggests that everyone was after her. The most powerful lyric is probably “you made her like that” suggesting that Betty became the way she is because of how people saw and treated her.
16. epiphany, in the storyline, tells the end of each of the characters’ endings told by Taylor. James goes to war where her has a flesh wound and he’s “bleeding out” while the women are “crashing out”. It doesn’t necessarily say that they all died but it wraps up their endings and Taylor will “serve” and “fall” with the characters she’s made up.
*edited 27/08
@taylorswift @taylornation what do you think?
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Echoes of Old Embers
Chapter 9
Pairing: F!Shepard/Kaidan Alenko
Rating: T
Chapter length: 3.8K
Story Synopsis:
After surviving the war, one of Shepard’s biggest regrets was rejecting Kaidan at Apollo’s. Fate has a way of bringing Jane and Kaidan back into each other’s lives. A misunderstanding with his family makes Kaidan and Shepard relive old history and question where they stand.
Link to Chapter 1 on AO3
Chapter Synopsis:
Kaidan and Shepard have a serious conversation that puts an emphasis on her regrets of going to the orchard.
Read to Chapter 9 on AO3
Tumblr Links:
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14
Read the chapter here below the cut:
Shepard made her way down the stairs after her conversation with Libby. Kaidan was probably awake by now, so she figured it was as good a time as any to seek him out. As she made her way down to the foyer, she noticed some new arrivals.
"Oh, there she is," Raiya said, after hearing Shepard on the steps.
Maisie was standing behind her sister, holding a young child, presumably Austin, Raiya's son. Maisie was practically bouncing with energy and a big grin on her face. Shepard knew that her excitement was only in part for seeing her nephew again after so long. She figured it was mostly for getting to see if the fruits of her labour were effective in deceiving her brother-in-law. Shepard wasn't quite as concerned about it anymore, knowing that Libby wasn't mad at her. Still, she was interested in knowing if she could pull off being someone else all the same.
Shepard made her way to the bottom of the steps with a smile. She noticed Kaidan off to the side, leaning against the entryway to the living room. As soon as he saw her, he had a big, dumb grin on his face, clearly trying to contain any outward reaction to her new look. At least he seemed to catch on to what they were doing and didn't say anything to give away her real identity.
"Jane, this is Matt," Raiya said, drawing Shepard's attention back to them. "And that's my son, Austin."
"Hi, Austin," she said with a wave and a smile. He shyly clung to his aunt for protection. She then turned to Raiya's husband, who was distractedly struggling with all of his bags and trying to set them down, "and it's nice to finally meet you, Matt."
"Sorry, Jane, was it? We knew Kaidan was bringing someone, but I never got a name," he said, as he extended his hand as a welcoming gesture.
"Yup, that's it," Shepard said with a smile, shaking his hand.
Maisie snorted from behind them, Raiya giving her a glare that promised death if she were to give away what was going on. Matt looked at them with only slight confusion, seeming as though that was a pretty standard occurrence between the two of them.
Matt had to laugh at Shepard, shaking his head. "Well, good. Correct me if I get it wrong. I can be bad with names. It's nice to meet you too.”
Shepard offered him a warm smile in acknowledgement.
"Anyway, we should probably go put your bags away. I think Kaidan and Jane were just about to be sitting down to breakfast," Raiya said.
"Ah. Message received loud and clear," Matt said with a chuckle. "Didn't mean to be interrupting anything. I look forward to getting to know you better, Jane."
"Thanks, the feeling is mutual," she still smiled back at him kindly.
Matt nodded at her as he and Raiya went upstairs. Maisie followed after them, Austin still in her arms.
"So, did Jane look familiar at all?" Shepard could hear Maisie ask, apparently barely able to contain herself as they reached the top of the stairs.
Kaidan walked over to where Shepard was standing, and they continued to listen to the muffled conversation.
"Now that you mention it, she does look a little familiar. Why? Please don't tell me I already knew her and just made a fool of myself?"
"Oh, you know her, all right. That was Commander Shepard," Maisie said with excitement.
"Haha, very funny," Matt said, thinking it was a joke. There was a moment of silence before he finally spoke again, this time, the tone of his voice more serious. "She's joking, right?"
"No, she's not. That really was Commander Shepard," Raiya confirmed.
There was another moment of silence. Shepard could almost picture the mortification that was likely on Matt's face right now.
"You can't be serious. And you let me act like that in front of her? She's going to think I'm an idiot! I have to go apologise."
"For what? Not knowing who she was? Relax, she's cool." Maisie said with a laugh, clearly finding entertainment in Matt's torment.
"Should I say something?" Shepard asked Kaidan.
He had a big grin on his face, finding entertainment in the situation. "After what you guys put him through, I think he deserves to be put out of his misery."
She agreed and yelled up the stairs. "It's okay Matt, you were perfectly charming," Shepard said, hoping that was enough to suffice.
"They could hear all of that?!" Matt said, sounding horrified.
"Seriously, Matt, it's fine," Kaidan reassured.
"If you say so," he responded, not sounding convinced in the least. "I don’t think I'll never be able to show my face around her ever again," he said more quietly. He was trying to avoid their conversation from being overheard more, but it wasn't sufficient.
Shepard decided that was enough eavesdropping for her tastes, and turned to Kaidan with a grimace, feeling bad.
"I should probably go apologise to him later. I didn't mean to be pulling one over on him," she said.
"Oh, so this wasn't meant to be a practical joke?" Kaidan asked with a shit-eating grin on his face, clearly eyeing her new hair.
"On someone I don't even know? Definitely not," she said, at least happy that Kaidan was taking a playful tone on the matter, and was making her feel better about it.
"So what's this all about then? Did coming to meet my family put you into some kind of quarter-life crisis or something? I know they can be a lot, but this is a bit over the top," he said, his smirk wider than ever.
Taking him up on his playful attitude towards it, she leaned her hip out dramatically, running her hand over her hair before flaunting it. "What, you don't like it?"
"I didn't say that." Kaidan's smile became more subdued, the playfulness leaving his eyes. "You look good," he said, looking at her seriously.
Shepard was dumbfounded by the sudden change in tone and caught off guard by the admission. She didn't know what to say, or how to take it. She figured it didn’t really matter. She was trying to avoid romantic feelings. That hadn’t changed. Who knows, maybe he was just being nice. She steeled herself, making sure to temper her response. The best she could come up with was a "Thanks.” and a half-assed smile. “So, uh, did I hear something about breakfast?" she asked, avoiding eye contact.
"Uh, yeah," he said, pointing towards the coffee table and sofa in the living room. "Mom and I cooked. I grabbed us some plates."
"Great! I'm starving," she said, making way for the couch, not wanting to linger on their awkwardness.
She sat down in front of the smaller plate, the other one obviously being Kaidan's helping with a much healthier size for someone with the caloric requirements of a biotic. It looked amazing. It was a full cooked breakfast with eggs, bacon and toast all arranged nicely, with a cup of coffee on the side. He likely didn't know that Shepard already had a cup earlier. She wouldn't complain, though, especially after the lack of sleep for the majority of the previous night. It all felt luxurious compared to the colourless oatmeal that the hospital usually served her thanks to their low rations on just about everything else. She waited for Kaidan to sit next to her before she started eating. She grabbed a strip of bacon and let out an audible sigh as she slumped back into the couch.
"Damn, Kaidan, your family sure knows how to cook."
"The bacon was all me. I told you I was good at it."
"Hmm, well, I suppose you didn't have any garlic to burn this time," she said teasingly.
"Hey, now, that was a good steak."
She let out another sigh at the memory, "Yeah, it really was," she smiled at him, lost in the nostalgia of it. "That was a good day," she said. One of the only good days throughout the war, in no small part, thanks to him. She wouldn't ever want to go back to that time for so many reasons, but she missed the camaraderie they shared while they were still on the Normandy together. In a lot of ways, this felt like that. Except, now it was filled with a lot of awkwardness and regret.
He leaned back into the couch, too, his own strip of bacon in hand. "It was, wasn't it?" he said with a smile that Shepard matched before the conversation dulled into them both enjoying their breakfast. Neither of them particularly wanted to revisit memories of the war. After a few bites, Shepard turned to Kaidan, noticing that he had been staring at her.
"What?" she asked, noticing his look of amusement returning.
"So, I have to assume that this is why you disappeared this morning," he said, finally pointing to her hair again.
Shepard laughed, realising that she still hadn't given him an explanation. "Ah, right. Yeah. Kidnapped by your sisters, I'm afraid. I only just managed to make an escape for it right before coming down here."
"That explains a lot. So what happened? Did Maisie force you to do it? I can have a talk with her if she's bothering you. I mean… more than she's already been causing trouble."
"Oh, no. No need for that. Aside from the whole misunderstanding, your family's been great. Really. I actually did this for Libby. With Raiya and Maisie's help, of course."
"Ah, okay," he said, finally putting all of the pieces together. "That makes a lot more sense now. Has she seen it yet?"
"She has," Shepard nodded.
"And how did that go?"
"Surprisingly well, actually. She's just having a bit of a rough time, but I think things have been successfully smoothed over between us."
"Good," he said, sitting back on the couch and relaxing a bit more. "That's good."
Another moment of silence passed between them.
"Everything okay?" she asked.
"I didn't say it before, but after I saw her reaction yesterday, I felt like a bit of an idiot. I think she's always felt a little left out of this family. She and I are both the middle children. That usually means we'd be the ones getting the least attention. Because of my biotics and everything that went on at Jump Zero, I got a lot of special treatment from the family. I think that resulted in her feeling completely left out most of the time when we were growing up. This wedding was supposed to be about her, and now I've gone and taken that too."
Shepard nodded at that in quiet contemplation. She could understand the predicament. Maybe it wasn't all fun and games growing up with a lot of siblings after all. "If it's any consolation, when I talked to her, it didn’t sound like she was upset with you. Maybe she wouldn't have told me, though, since everyone has gotten the impression that we're dating," she said with a weird emphasis on the word. She noticed a weird expression on Kaidan’s face that she couldn't quite read. She figured the assumptions were just getting to him too. "But anyway, she seems like she's putting a lot of stress on herself over everything. She misses your dad. I wouldn't be surprised if she's feeling a little alone right now, but I don't think her outburst was really about you taking her day away from her."
"Well, that's good to know, but I think I should go talk to her later all the same."
"I think she'd like that," Shepard said honestly. Libby did seem like she could use some more emotional support than she'd been getting through all of this. Maybe it would give them both a chance to talk about their dad more.
Kaidan glanced at her. It looked like he was unsure of what to say. He let out a sigh. "Can I admit something?"
Shepard looked at him, confused as her heart began to flutter. "Always."
"I'm really glad you came, even with this whole mess. When I saw you in Vancouver and heard you needed a place to stay, I was almost glad for it. I think our talk in the cabin yesterday made me realise why."
Shepard perked her head up slightly to show that she was listening intently.
"Did I tell you that this is only the second time I've seen them all since I got back to Earth?"
"No, I don't think you ever mentioned that."
"I still remember the day I got here, and it wasn't a happy one, at least, not for me."
Shepard looked at him curiously.
"Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing my family. I missed them. It was a relief knowing that they were okay, and of course, they were happy to see me. Things weren't so simple on my end, though. To them, me coming home was like an answer to their prayers. I had been MIA, so knowing that I was safe was something to celebrate. But to me, coming back to Earth was just confirmation that my dad was really gone. For them, their whole focus was me providing them with something to celebrate and be happy about. It was like I was filling a void. I couldn’t take that away from them. But the whole time I was here, it just felt like something was missing. It felt wrong. I forced my happiness for their sake, but I'll admit there was a part of me that was dreading coming back here. I guess I just liked the idea that I'd have someone else to focus on. Have a distraction so I could be that for them again when this is supposed to be a happy occasion."
Shepard paused with the severity of the statement. She could understand wanting something to make those feelings easier. She could see herself serving as a good distraction for that, though she was sad about the circumstances of why he needed one. Of course she'd be that for him, though. It was even enough to make her feel a little less regret for coming out here, knowing that her presence might make things easier on him.
"Well, you've served as a good distraction in my moment of need. Least I can do is offer you the same," she said with a halfhearted grin, hoping that it was a casual enough statement. If circumstances had been different, she'd say something like she'd always be that for him whenever he needed it, but she knew she couldn't be promising things like that anymore.
Kaidan's eyes softened at the gesture. "I'm glad I could have been that for you. But still, I'm sorry things have turned into such a mess here. I never meant for things to get so out of hand. I just hope you don't regret coming."
It was like he was reading her mind or something. Maybe she wasn't as good at hiding it as she thought she was. Of course she regretted it, just not in the way he thought. The more misunderstandings happened, the more she wished they were real. She wished that they had woken up in the cabin with smiles on their faces and light kisses as they cuddled more deeply without a care in the world, instead of quickly and embarrassingly separating themselves. She wished that she could have gone through his family photos with him at her side, hearing every one of his stories associated with them. She wished that she could hug him now while he was struggling to come to terms with losing his father. She wanted her admission to Raiya to mean something, and her efforts to appease Libby to be the first of many bonding moments. As much as she hated to admit it, she wished Maisie would get to flaunt the fact that she was right about her and Kaidan's relationship this whole time.
"Don't worry. I don't regret it," she said, practically lying straight to his face.
"Well, good. I'm glad. I'd hate for you to feel unwelcome here."
Shepard nodded at the irony of it, as she huffed out a laugh. "I think if anything, I'm probably a little too welcome."
"Right," Kaidan said with a sigh. "I'll have to figure out how to deal with everyone eventually. I'm not really sure how to get them to see reason on this one."
"That might be difficult, especially after this morning," Shepard admitted, though, she already regretted it, not knowing how to explain this one without saying too much.
"What happened this morning?"
"Oh, uh, nothing new,” Shepard amended quickly, trying to think of something. “Raiya and I just had a long discussion. Maisie had already gotten to her.”
"Ah, well, I guess I should have expected that," he said to Shepard's relief, glad that he didn’t prod more. "I don't know if it would do any good at this point, but I can call a family meeting to let everyone know we're really not together if it would make you feel better."
The thought of that gave Shepard an internal sense of panic. "I appreciate the thought, but if it's all the same to you, it might be best to leave the lectures about that until after we leave. Libby's already had enough stress with everything, and this week really should be about her. We should probably try not to add more drama than there already is," she said. She really didn't want to burden Libby with more drama, but a big part of her was worried about the ramifications from Raiya now too. She had confided in her, and telling her that there was no relationship after admitting that she loved Kaidan felt like it would be a betrayal of her trust that she was gracious to give in the first place. Shepard figured that would have the potential to add a considerable amount of drama. This was meant to be an important time for their family and she wasn't about to ruin it or make things worse for Libby. She could deal with the fallout later, after the Alenkos had all enjoyed this time together.
Kaidan looked at her more seriously after that. "Okay. If that's really how you want to deal with it, I'm fine with that. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable while you're here."
"It's fine. I'd rather not make things any worse than they already are. If we act casually enough and just don't confirm anything, maybe they'll drop it."
Kaidan looked at her and nodded in confirmation, the air filled with silence.
"Oh, there you two are," they both heard from behind them. They sat up straight and practically whipped around, startled by the suddenness. Ada was standing at the bottom of the steps.
Kaidan and Shepard looked at each other a little shocked for not having heard her come down the stairs. They hadn't even considered that they were having this conversation so out in the open until now.
Ada staggered momentarily, as she caught sight of Shepard. "Well, you certainly look different. I hope my daughter didn't put you up to that," she said, referencing Shepard’s new hair.
"It's a long story, but don't worry about it. Nothing was done against my will," she said with a small laugh.
"I suppose I'll have to take your word for it. But anyway, there's still so much to be done before tomorrow. Would the two of you mind giving me some help?"
"Of course, mom," Kaidan said, already getting off the couch to help.
"Great. The lawn needs to be mowed, and there's a bunch of dead branches on the ground out there."
"Sure thing. But Jane's still recovering, so she should probably sit out."
"Oh, don't you worry about that. I already had plans to put her to work helping me out in the kitchen. That way, she can still take it easy."
"I don't know if you want to do that," Kaidan said with a laugh. "She's a spacer, military brat. She's used to eating rations or cafeteria food. I don't think she's cooked a day in her life."
Shepard gave him a disgruntled look as she also stood from the couch, meeting them in the foyer. "Hey! I can cook."
"Sandwiches aren't cooking," he said with a teasing grin.
"Is this supposed to be some kind of payback for saying that you burned the garlic or something?"
Kaidan gave her a defensive look. "No, nothing like that. Just want to give my mom a fair warning," he said with a smirk.
"Oh, hush. It's just food prep, Kaidan. I'm not going to make her cook anything. I'm sure she can peel some carrots," Ada said.
"That, I can do," Shepard said with a smile.
"See? Perfect," she said, giving them both a satisfied grin. "Now stop teasing her, and Jane, you can meet me in the kitchen when you're ready," she said, bustling her way over there.
"You think you'll be okay in there alone with her?" Kaidan asked.
Shepard let out a small chuckle. "I've been in plenty worse situations than food prep, Kaidan. I think I'll be fine. The carrots, on the other hand… well, we'll just have to see about that."
That brought a smile back to Kaidan's face. "I wasn't talking about the carrots, Shepard, but I think you know that. It can be intimidating to be around parents. Especially if she might have gotten the idea that we're together."
"Yeah," she said, still looking slightly amused with herself. "Well, I've already been stuck with each of your sisters at some point or another today. I'm sure I'll be fine with your mom, too."
"All right, if you're really sure."
"Something tells me there's no backing down from your mother," she said, as she went back to pick up her and Kaidan's dishes.
"There really isn't. She's a force to be reckoned with. But then again, so are you."
Shepard smiled at that. "That may be true, but it's one thing to be up against a reaper. It's another thing entirely being up against parents. I'm not so sure I could win in a fight against your mom."
"You're not instilling much confidence here, Jane. You sure you're going to be okay left alone with her?"
"It was a joke," Shepard said with a grin. "I'm sure she'll be fine."
"Okay," he finally agreed. "But if you need anything, don't hesitate to come out and flag me down."
"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind," she said as she finally walked off towards the kitchen. Kaidan's mother seemed to be the least prodding of the bunch somehow, so she really hoped it would be fine. All she had to do was keep her foot out of her mouth… Then again, maybe that was something to worry about after all.
#f!Shenko#f!Shepard/Kaidan Alenko#f!Shepard#Kaidan Alenko#mass effect#fanfiction#mass effect fanfiction#mini slow burn#angst#friends to lovers#accidental dating#my fic on tumblr#my writing
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Virgil leaving the Others Theory pt 2. (Long Theory)
I’m back on my theorising! (@adultkiddo you’re the reason I actually wrote this up, so thank you for that)
Okay so, I’ve made a theory about how I think that Virgil didn’t leave the Dark Sides, per se- I think he left the Minor Sides, the ones that aren’t as much of a presence in Thomas’ personality. You can read it here for more details ‘cus my summarising skills are terrible!
In that theory, I was trying to find a reason as to why he left as well as what he left. At the time, I thought that maybe an argument had ensued between him and Janus and some hurtful words were shared, so that might’ve been why he left.
However, recently a certain thought came to mind: we, as a fandom, have all come to assume that Virgil left the Others voluntarily, but that’s all it really is- an assumption. But what if, he didn’t leave voluntarily?
What if he was kicked out?
That probably sounds absurd- but I have reasons to believe this. First off, I need to establish a timeline- not of Thomas’ entire life, but of key events we know have happened. I’m gonna start off with the Split, which is under the cut. (There’s a TL;DR at the end, if you don’t wanna go through the mumbo jumbo)
Remus and Roman appear as a result of the Split- Thomas is 7-9 years old.
We know the Split happened due to a shift in Thomas’ perception of Creativity, I feel like that would happen at this age because that’s the age you generally start to learn about more serious topics and develop a greater view of the world, thus forming new principle in morality. I think, because of the way Thomas views creativity- at the time, Roman would’ve been called Creativity, whilst Remus was reduced to Bad Thoughts- I also think that’s how he was introduced to Virgil. Which brings me to the next part of the timeline:
Virgil joins the Others, not as Paranoia, but simply as Anxiety- Thomas is 10-11 years old.
Some people have pointed out that when Remus showed up in DWIT and was introduced to Thomas, he was introduced as Creativity as well as Intrusive Thoughts- to which Virgil seemed very confused about the former. He seemed to be learning with Thomas that Remus is also Creativity, but why he would be learning that if he’s clearly known about him for a long time? Well, if he was introduced to him as something else, perhaps a tween’s perception of what we know him as now- say, Bad Thoughts, then maybe he wouldn’t have initially known of Remus’ other function.
Now, I’ve pretty much dissed the Paranoia theory in this title of the timeline, but for a good reason. We know that Thomas’ anxiety worsened as he grew older, as evidenced by the line “Whoa, that’s about the time that you (Virgil) upgraded from small nuisance to giant thorn in our side” said by Roman, but if Virgil was initially Paranoia then Thomas would’ve been suffering from the worst form of anxiety there is at a really young age. Paranoia is intense and it’s usually connected to drug abuse, chronic personality disorder or schizophrenia- which Thomas isn’t suffering from, and I don’t think he’d be taking drugs at that age. So, yeah, I don’t think that Virgil went from Paranoia to Anxiety, I think he was just Anxiety the whole way through.
Thomas’ anxiety worsens, and he acknowledges that he has it, during a time when he’s trying to find his place in the world. Virgil then meets Thomas and becomes more relevant, but isn’t fully accepted- Thomas is in his adolescent years.
Thomas would probably be diagnosed with anxiety around this time, so Virgil would probably be introduced to the Core Three around here. I’m thinking he’s probably in his Emo phase, since that phase was especially tied in to him trying to find his place in the world- which is around the time he seemed to become more relevant, as evidenced by the line I quoted from Roman earlier. He’s still one of the Minor Sides, but he’s edging his way up to becoming a Major one as Thomas grows up.
Taking on Anxiety- Virgil’s introduction to us!
Thomas is learning more methods to help cope with his anxiety, but he still hasn’t truly accepted that he has it. From here to Excepting Anxiety it seems that Virgil still has a good relationship with the Others- that’s shown especially well in A New Year of Lying to Myself- if Virgil was uncomfortable with mention of the Others he wouldn’t be singing constantly about lying to yourself (Janus must have been so proud)!
Excepting Anxiety- Virgil ducks out, and is possibly kicked out.
This is where the theory starts to make more sense- once I thought more about it, I always thought it was weird that when Virgil ducked out, he completely removed himself from the equation- he didn’t go to the Others, like you would expect, he just goes to his room, he leaves completely. He must have had some sort of reason- and I think that reason is because he was kicked out of the Minor Sides.
Since he didn’t have anywhere to go as the Core Three and Thomas hadn’t fully accepted him yet- he just went to his room, probably extremely hurt and angry. Especially since he later says in Accepting Anxiety: “I didn’t feel wanted,” which wouldn’t make sense if the Others hadn’t kicked him out- because then he would’ve felt the Others wanted him.
Now you may be asking, why would Janus kick Virgil out? And why are you saying Janus specifically? Well, to answer the latter question, it’s because it seems that Virgil is the most angry at Janus- he doesn’t or act the way he does around Janus around Remus, so it seems that Janus is the one who annoyed him the most- probably because of the whole removing him from the Others thing.
To answer the former, I think it’s because Janus, as Self-Preservation, would know that Thomas needed to accept Virgil- and fast, because not properly acknowledging or trying to work with or treat a mental disorder can be very unhealthy, and Janus is all about ‘What’s best for Thomas?’
He would know that the only way to get Thomas to talk to Virgil about this, is to kick him out- because it would mean he would feel unwanted by both the Major and Minor Sides, and that he would feel like him trying to help is just making things worse. As a result he would duck out- and Thomas would start acting aloof, and being hazardous to himself until the situation was addressed.
So, Janus does what he has to- does it hurt? Yeah! Does he try to explain to Virgil as best as he can without giving anything away? Yeah! Does Virgil still get mad and does an argument ensue about how he can’t do that but Janus does it anyway? Yeah! But does it work? Yup!
Accepting Anxiety- Janus’ plan works!
Fast forward to Can Lying Be Good?- Janus is smug, and he knows that the plan has worked, but Virgil doesn’t realise there was a plan in the first place- he’s just furious.
I mean, this face is just so smug and he’s lookin’ right at Virgil, because he knows it worked! I feel like his iconic line from Embarrassing Phases could be a callback to him kicking Virgil out:
“Keep up the personal growth, Virgil- maybe one day, you’ll be rid of us all...”
Yeah so TL;DR: Janus kicked Virgil out so that Thomas could work together with his Anxiety as that would be better for him, but now Virgil is really annoyed at him because Janus didn’t entirely tell him his full intentions.
#ts virgil#virgil sanders#ts janus#janus sanders#ts remus#remus sanders#ts roman#roman sanders#character! thomas#ts theory#ts theories#ts dark sides#drug abuse tw#drugs tw#drugs mention#tw paranoia#paranoia tw#paranoia mention#sanders sides#sanders sides theory
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To justify Hillary Clinton’s 2016 loss to Donald Trump, leading Democrats and their key media allies for years competed with one another to depict what they called “Russia’s interference in our elections” in the most apocalyptic terms possible. They fanatically rejected the view of the Russian Federation repeatedly expressed by President Obama — that it is a weak regional power with an economy smaller than Italy’s capable of only threatening its neighbors but not the U.S. — and instead cast Moscow as a grave, even existential, threat to U.S. democracy, with its actions tantamount to the worst security breaches in U.S. history.
This post-2016 mania culminated with prominent liberal politicians and journalists (as well as John McCain) declaring Russia’s activities surrounding the 2016 to be an “act of war” which, many of them insisted, was comparable to Pearl Harbor and the 9/11 attack — the two most traumatic attacks in modern U.S. history which both spawned years of savage and destructive war, among other things.
Sen. Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH) repeatedly demanded that Russia’s 2016 “interference” be treated as “an act of war.” Hillary Clinton described Russian hacking as “a cyber 9/11.” And here is Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY) on MSNBC in early February, 2018, pronouncing Russia “a hostile foreign power” whose 2016 meddling was the “equivalent” of Pearl Harbor, “very much on par” with the “seriousness” of the 1941 attack in Hawaii that helped prompt four years of U.S. involvement in a world war.
With the Democrats, under Joe Biden, just weeks away from assuming control of the White House and the U.S. military and foreign policy that goes along with it, the discourse from them and their media allies about Russia is becoming even more unhinged and dangerous. Moscow’s alleged responsibility for the recently revealed, multi-pronged hack of U.S. Government agencies and various corporate servers is asserted — despite not a shred of evidence, literally, having yet been presented — as not merely proven fact, but as so obviously true that it is off-limits from doubt or questioning.
Any questioning of this claim will be instantly vilified by the Democrats’ extremely militaristic media spokespeople as virtual treason. “Now the president is not just silent on Russia and the hack. He is deliberately running defense for the Kremlin by contradicting his own Secretary of State on Russian responsibility,” pronounced CNN’s national security reporter Jim Sciutto, who last week depicted Trump’s attempted troop withdrawal from Syria and Germany as “ceding territory” and furnishing “gifts” to Putin. More alarmingly, both the rhetoric to describe the hack and the retaliation being threatened are rapidly spiraling out of control.
Democrats (along with some Republicans long obsessed with The Russian Threat, such as Mitt Romney) are casting the latest alleged hack by Moscow in the most melodramatic terms possible, ensuring that Biden will enter the White House with tensions sky-high with Russia and facing heavy pressure to retaliate aggressively. Biden’s top national security advisers and now Biden himself have, with no evidence shown to the public, repeatedly threatened aggressive retaliation against the country with the world’s second-largest nuclear stockpile.
Congressman Jason Crow (D-CO) — one of the pro-war Democrats on the House Armed Services Committee who earlier this year joined with Rep. Liz Cheney (R-WY) to block Trump’s plan to withdraw troops from Afghanistan — announced: “this could be our modern day, cyber equivalent of Pearl Harbor,” adding: “Our nation is under assault.” The second-ranking Senate Democrat, Dick Durbin (D-IL), pronounced: “This is virtually a declaration of war by Russia."
Meanwhile, Sen. Mitt Romney (R-UT), who has for years been casting Russia as a grave threat to the U.S. while Democrats mocked him as a relic of the Cold War (before they copied and then surpassed him), described the latest hack as “the equivalent of Russian bombers flying undetected over the entire country.” The GOP’s 2012 presidential nominee also blasted Trump for his failure to be “aggressively speaking out and protesting and taking punitive action,” though — like virtually every prominent figure demanding tough “retaliation” — Romney failed to specify what he had in mind that would be sufficient retaliation for “the equivalent of Russian bombers flying undetected over the entire country.”
For those keeping track at home: that’s two separate “Pearl Harbors” in less than four years from Moscow (or, if you prefer, one Pearl Harbor and one 9/11). If Democrats actually believe that, it stands to reason that they will be eager to embrace a policy of belligerence and aggression toward Russia. Many of them are demanding this outright, mocking Trump for failing to attack Russia — despite no evidence that they were responsible — while their well-trained liberal flock is suggesting that the non-response constitutes some form of “high treason.”
Indeed, the Biden team has been signalling that they intend to quickly fulfill demands for aggressive retaliation. The New York Times reported on Tuesday that Biden “accused President Trump [] of ‘irrational downplaying’” of the hack while “warning Russia that he would not allow the intrusion to ‘go unanswered’ after he takes office.” Biden emphasized that once the intelligence assessment is complete, “we will respond, and probably respond in kind.”
Threats and retaliation between the U.S. and Russia are always dangerous, but particularly so now. One of the key nuclear arms agreements between the two nuclear-armed nations, the New START treaty, will expire in February unless Putin and Biden can successfully negotiate a renewal: sixteen days after Biden is scheduled to take office. “That will force Mr. Biden to strike a deal to prevent one threat — a nuclear arms race — while simultaneously threatening retaliation on another,” observed the Times.
This escalating rhetoric from Washington about Russia, and the resulting climate of heightened tensions, are dangerous in the extreme. They are also based in numerous myths, deceits and falsehoods:
First, absolutely no evidence of any kind has been presented to suggest, let alone prove, that Russia is responsible for these hacks. It goes without saying that it is perfectly plausible that Russia could have done this: it’s the sort of thing that every large power from China and Iran to the U.S. and Russia have the capability to do and wield against virtually every other country including one another.
But if we learned nothing else over the last several decades, we should know that accepting claims that emanate from the U.S. intelligence community about adversaries without a shred of evidence is madness of the highest order. We just had a glaring reminder of the importance of this rule: just weeks before the election, countless mainstream media outlets laundered and endorsed the utterly false claim that the documents from Hunter Biden’s laptop were “Russian disinformation,” only for officials to acknowledge once the harm was done that there was no evidence — zero — of Russian involvement.
Yet that is exactly what the overwhelming bulk of media outlets are doing again: asserting that Russia is behind these hacks despite having no evidence of its truth. The New York Times’ Michael Barbaro, host of the paper’s popular The Daily podcast, asked his colleague, national security reporter David Sanger, what evidence exists to assert that Russia did this. As Barbaro put it, even Sanger is “allowing that early conclusions could all be wrong, but that it's doubtful.” Indeed, Sanger acknowledged to Barbaro that they have no proof, asserting instead that the basis on which he is relying is that Russia possesses the sophistication to carry out such a hack (as do several other nation-states), along with claiming that the hack has what he calls the “markings” of Russian hackers.
But this tactic was exactly the same one used by former intelligence officials, echoed by these same media outlets, to circulate the false pre-election claim that the documents from Hunter Biden’s laptop were “Russian disinformation”: namely, they pronounced in lockstep, the material from Hunter’s laptop “has all the classic earmarks of a Russian information operation.” This was also exactly the same tactic used by the U.S. intelligence community in 2001 to falsely blame Iraq for the anthrax attacks, claiming that their chemical analysis revealed a substance that was “a trademark of the Iraqi biological weapons program.”
These media outlets will, if pressed, acknowledge their lack of proof that Russia did this. Despite this admitted lack of proof, media outlets are repeatedly stating Russian responsibility as proven fact.
“Scope of Russian Hacking Becomes Clear: Multiple U.S. Agencies Were Hit,” one New York Times headline proclaimed, and the first line of that article, co-written by Sanger, stated definitively: “The scope of a hacking engineered by one of Russia’s premier intelligence agencies became clearer on Monday.” The Washington Post deluged the public with identically certain headlines:
Nobody in the government has been as definitive in asserting Russian responsibility as corporate media outlets. Even Trump’s hawkish Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, crafted his accusation against Moscow with caveats and uncertainty: “I think it’s the case that now we can say pretty clearly that it was the Russians that engaged in this activity.”
If actual evidence ultimately emerges demonstrating Russian responsibility, it would not alter how dangerous it is that — less than twenty years after the Iraq WMD debacle and less than a couple of years after media endorsement of endless Russiagate falsehoods — the most influential media outlets continue to mindlessly peddle as Truth whatever the intelligence community feeds them, without the need to see any evidence that what they’re claiming is actually true. Even more alarmingly, large sectors of the public that venerate these outlets continue to believe that what they hear from them must be true, no matter how many times they betray that trust. The ease with which the CIA can disseminate whatever messaging it wants through friendly media outlets is stunning.
Second, the very idea that this hack could be compared to rogue and wildly aberrational events such as Pearl Harbor or the 9/11 attack is utterly laughable on its face. One has to be drowning in endless amounts of jingoistic self-delusion to believe that this hack — or, for that matter, the 2016 “election interference” — is a radical departure from international norms as opposed to a perfect reflection of them.
Just as was true of 2016 fake Facebook pages and Twitter bots, it is not an exaggeration to say that the U.S. Government engages in hacking attacks of this sort, and ones far more invasive, against virtually every country on the planet, including Russia, on a weekly basis. That does not mean that this kind of hacking is either justified or unjustified. It does mean, however, that depicting it as some particularly dastardly and incomparably immoral act that requires massive retaliation requires a degree of irrationality and gullibility that is bewildering to behold.
The NSA reporting enabled by Edward Snowden by itself proved that the NSA spies on virtually anyone it can. Indeed, after reviewing the archive back in 2013, I made the decision that I would not report on U.S. hacks of large adversary countries such as China and Russia because it was so commonplace for all of these countries to hack one another as aggressively and intrusively as they could that it was hardly newsworthy to report on this (the only exception was when there was a substantial reason to view such spying as independently newsworthy, such as Sweden’s partnering with NSA to spy on Russia in direct violation of the denials Swedish officials voiced to their public).
Other news outlets who had access to Snowden documents, particularly The New York Times, were not nearly as circumspect in exposing U.S. spying on large nation-state adversaries. As a result, there is ample proof published by those outlets (sometimes provoking Snowden’s strong objections) that the U.S. does exactly what Russia is alleged to have done here — and far worse.
“Even as the United States made a public case about the dangers of buying from [China’s] Huawei, classified documents show that the National Security Agency was creating its own back doors — directly into Huawei’s networks,” reported The New York Times’ David Sanger and Nicole Perlroth in 2013, adding that “the agency pried its way into the servers in Huawei’s sealed headquarters in Shenzhen, China’s industrial heart.”
In 2013, the Guardian revealed “an NSA attempt to eavesdrop on the Russian leader, Dmitry Medvedev, as his phone calls passed through satellite links to Moscow,” and added: “foreign politicians and officials who took part in two G20 summit meetings in London in 2009 had their computers monitored and their phone calls intercepted on the instructions of their British government hosts.” Meanwhile, “Sweden has been a key partner for the United States in spying on Russia and its leadership, Swedish television said on Thursday,” noted Reuters, citing what one NSA document described as “a unique collection on high-priority Russian targets, such as leadership, internal politics.”
Other reports revealed that the U.S. had hacked into the Brazilian telecommunications system to collect data on the whole population, and was spying on Brazil’s key leaders (including then-President Dilma Rousseff) as well as its most important companies such as its oil giant Petrobras and its Ministry of Mines and Energy. The Washington Post reported: “The National Security Agency is gathering nearly 5 billion records a day on the whereabouts of cellphones around the world, according to top-secret documents and interviews with U.S. intelligence officials, enabling the agency to track the movements of individuals — and map their relationships — in ways that would have been previously unimaginable.” And on and on.
[One amazing though under-appreciated episode related to all this: the same New York Times reporter who revealed the details about massive NSA hacking of Chinese government and industry, Nicole Perlroth, subsequently urged (in tweets she has now deleted) that Snowden not be pardoned on the ground that, according to her, he revealed legitimate NSA spying on U.S. adversaries. In reality, it was actually she, Perlorth, not Snowden, who chose to expose NSA spying on China, provoking Snowden’s angry objections when she did so based on his view this was a violation of the framework he created for what should and should not be revealed; in other words, not only did Perlroth urge the criminal prosecution of a source on which she herself relied, an absolutely astonishing thing for any reporter to do, but so much worse, she did so by falsely accusing that source of doing something that she, Perlroth, had done herself: namely, reveal extensive U.S. hacking of China].
What all of this makes demonstrably clear is that only the most deluded and uninformed person could believe that Russian hacking of U.S. agencies and corporations — if it happened — is anything other than totally normal and common behavior between these countries. Harvard Law Professor and former Bush DOJ official Jack Goldsmith, reviewing growing demands for retaliation, wrote in an excellent article last week entitled “Self-Delusion on the Russia Hack: The U.S. regularly hacks foreign governmental computer systems on a massive scale”:
The lack of self-awareness in these and similar reactions to the Russia breach is astounding. The U.S. government has no principled basis to complain about the Russia hack, much less retaliate for it with military means, since the U.S. government hacks foreign government networks on a huge scale every day. Indeed, a military response to the Russian hack would violate international law . . . .
As the revelations from leaks of information from Edward Snowden made plain, the United States regularly penetrates foreign governmental computer systems on a massive scale, often (as in the Russia hack) with the unwitting assistance of the private sector, for purposes of spying. It is almost certainly the world’s leader in this practice, probably by a lot. The Snowden documents suggested as much, as does the NSA’s probable budget. In 2016, after noting “problems with cyber intrusions from Russia,” Obama boasted that the United States has “more capacity than anybody … offensively” . . . .
Because of its own practices, the U.S. government has traditionally accepted the legitimacy of foreign governmental electronic spying in U.S. government networks. After the notorious Chinese hack of the Office of Personnel Management database, then-Director of National Intelligence James Clapper said: “You have to kind of salute the Chinese for what they did. If we had the opportunity to do that, I don't think we'd hesitate for a minute.” The same Russian agency that appears to have carried out the hack revealed this week also hacked into unclassified emails in the White House and Defense and State Departments in 2014-2015. The Obama administration deemed it traditional espionage and did not retaliate. “It was information collection, which is what nation states—including the United States—do,” said Obama administration cybersecurity coordinator Michael Daniel this week.
But over the last four years, Americans, particularly those who feed on liberal media outlets, have been drowned in so much mythology about the U.S. and Russia that they have no capacity to critically assess the claims being made, and — just as they were led to believe about “Russia’s 2016 interference in Our Sacred Elections” — are easily convinced that what Russia did is some shocking and extreme crime the likes of which are rarely seen in international relations. In reality, their own government is the undisputed world champion in perpetrating these acts, and has been for years if not decades.
Third, these demands for “retaliation” are so reckless because they are almost always unaccompanied by any specifics. Even if Moscow’s responsibility is demonstrated, what is the U.S. supposed to do in response? If your answer is that they should hack Russia back, rest assured the NSA and CIA are always trying to hack Russia as much as it possibly can, long before this event.
If the answer is more sanctions, that would be just performative and pointless, aside from wildly hypocritical. Any reprisals more severe than that would be beyond reckless, particularly with the need to renew nuclear arms control agreements looming. And if you are someone demanding retaliation, do you believe that Russia, China, Brazil and all the other countries invaded by NSA hackers have the same right of retaliation against the U.S., or does the U.S. occupy a special place with special entitlements that all other countries lack?
What we have here, yet again, is the classic operation of the intelligence community feeding serious accusations about a nuclear-armed power to an eagerly gullible corporate media, with the media mindlessly disseminating it without evidence, all toward ratcheting up tensions between these two nuclear-armed powers and fortifying a mythology of the U.S. as grand victim but never perpetrator.
If you ever find yourself wondering how massive military budgets and a posture of Endless War are seemingly invulnerable to challenge, this pathological behavior — from a now-enduring union of the intelligence community, corporate media outlets, and the Democratic Party — provides one key piece of the puzzle.
Update, Dec. 24, 2020, 7:36 a.m. ET: Although the tweets from The New York Times’ Nicole Perlroth referenced above were deleted by her, as indicated, an alert reader notes that a Politico article at the time referenced part of my exchange with her, one prompted by anger from Washington Post reporters over an editorial by their own paper that argued against a Snowden pardon, even though that paper reported extensively on Snowden’s documents and won a Pulitzer for doing so:
The editorial is nothing if not a good excuse for a Twitter debate. Some journalists continued to air outrage yesterday over the editorial board’s defenestration of Snowden, while others either agreed with the board’s argument or at least defended its right to take a stand that it knew would no doubt rankle many in the Post’s newsroom. In one of the more notable exchanges, New York Times reporter cybersecurity reporter Nicole Perlroth tangled with Glenn Greenwald, who broke the Snowden/NSA story for The Guardian.
Perlroth: “Gotta say I agree w/ wapo. @Snowden leaked tens of thousands of docs that had nothing to do with privacy violations.” http://bit.ly/2cLPeLY
Greenwald: “They can start an august club: Journalists In Favor of Criminal Prosecution For Our Sources” http://bit.ly/2cLLIRz
That’s precisely what I was referencing here. It’s utterly repugnant that Perlroth advocated that her own source be imprisoned on the ground that he leaked documents “that had nothing to do with privacy violations” when it was she, Perlroth, who decided to reveal details of NSA spying on China, angering Snowden in the process. Clicking on the above link to her tweet demonstrates that she since deleted it.
One last point: there is an outstanding op-ed in Thursday’s New York Times about anger over the alleged Russian hack by Paul Kolbe, who served as a senior CIA clandestine operative for 25 years and is now director of the Intelligence Project at Harvard Kennedy School, entitled “With Hacking, the United States Needs to Stop Playing the Victim.” It details that “the United States is, of course, engaged in the same type of operations at an even grander scale” and therefore “it’s time for the United States to stop acting surprised and stop posturing.”
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Episode 16: The Job
Here are my time-stamped thoughts as usual.
WRITTEN THE MORNING OF April 20, 2020. EPISODE 19 HAD NOT YET BEEN RELEASED!!!!
SPOILERS AHEAD
0:10 - How much time has passed since the end of last episode? A week? A month?
0:15 - You can see Mr. David sitting outside the door here. I can’t tell if he’s looking into the cell. BUT if everyone thinks that Jessica stabbed Martin - why is she allowed into his cell right now?!?
0:17 - Malcolm looks so dead inside right now. Dang. This boy does not want to be visiting Martin. Jessica looks angry with Martin and done with his antics - as usual.
0:50 - Martin is so proud that Malcolm stabbed him. This is peak dysfunction.
1:20 - Ugh. Can’t Malcolm catch a break? Martin is manipulating him again.....wait. Did Martin orchestrate his own stabbing just to see Malcolm more often?!? That’s seriously messed up.
1:23 - ....This means that Malcolm had regular visits with Martin when he was a kid. Was it scheduled like some sort of twisted custody agreement? Like every Wednesday afternoon?
2:15 - Why did Jessica and Malcolm go back to Malcolm’s loft instead of Jessica’s house? Is Malcolm’s loft closer? Does the house hold too many memories of Martin?
2:30 - Malcolm looks so scared here. He knows that Martin controls him now. He knows that he’s doing a version of jail-time for his crimes. He’s scared of what his mother is planning. He’s scared that Martin won’t make a statement.
2:48 - Anyone else’s heart break as you watched Malcolm realize that he can’t think of a single happy thing in his life? Mine did. It looks like Jessica’s did too.
3:00 - Why is Jessica still riding the Eve/Malcolm train? Eve told Jessica that Malcolm is a good person “deep down” - hella insulting if you ask me. And they tried to date - it lasted one night. They clearly aren’t meant for each other. Their relationship didn’t last 48 hours!!!
3:05 - Did Malcolm date as a teenager? Was Jessica this meddlesome in his love life then too?
3:17 - OMG. Every child has had this experience with their parent. For me - it was/is every time my grandmother (who lives on another continent) called us. All she talks about is food. I love her but I don’t want a 3 hour conversation about the sales in the grocery store.
3:25 - Is Malcolm even still into Eve? It doesn’t seem like it. I think he just wants to make his Mom happy and make it up to Eve in general. I don’t think he’s in a good mental state to date anyone right now tbh. Even though I ship Brightwell.
3:41 - OMG. Jessica looks like she’s watching her favourite reality TV show. I’m cringing.
4:31 - I love watching Gil make a joke a Malcolm’s expense. It’s kind of adorable - looks how happy Gil looks. Watching JT laugh at it is great too. HOWEVER, I’ve only seen Malcolm wear one (1) watch. A regular looking watch with a brown leather band. I’m no watch connoisseur but it didn’t look like one of those super fancy expensive ones? So I assume Gil is just making a joke about Malcolm’s general wealth?
5:28 - I don’t think Edrisa is making Malcolm uncomfortable on purpose. I think she’s just super socially awkward. She starts backing off as soon as she notices Malcolm’s discomfort. JT’s comment though - hahaha I love him. Give JT more screen time.
5:43 - OMG. Gil, JT, and Dani look so confused and annoyed here. Vijay certainly makes an entrance. Not in a good way. I immediately hate him for being a pompous jerk.
5:50 - Malcolm doesn’t look all that excited to see Vijay. Shocked and confused? Definitely. He even looks a little embarrassed. He looks back at the team as though he doesn’t want them to see Vijay.
6:00 - Vijay is an overgrown bully. He is way too physical with Malcolm, who doesn’t seem to enjoy much physical contact. He doesn’t even like it when Edrisa (a completely harmless, socially awkward friend) stands too close to him. That first slap on Malcolm’s shoulder looked violent - not like friends greeting each other. AND he deliberately calls Malcolm “Whitly” after Malcolm asked him not to.
6:04 - Awww look at how proud Malcolm is to be working with Major Crimes!!! My heart is so full.
6:25 - Malcolm looks super uncomfortable when Vijay wipes his finger gun on him.
6:30- Dani and JT look intrigued and confused that Malcolm knows this dude. They also look annoyed that Vijay is manhandling Malcolm and clearly trying to trick Malcolm into thinking that he and Vijay are friends. AND GIL. Oh dude. Gil has definitely heard stories about Vijay. This man does not like Vijay. Gil does not like Vijay touching Malcolm either.
6:40 - OK. A couple of things: 1) Dani showing up behind Malcolm like his guard dog is adorable. This is the friend Malcolm deserves. 2) Dani’s face when Vijay tries to flirt with her is a mood. This woman is hating Vijay more with every passing second.
7:00 - “Aww. You were bad Dad kids” hahaha brb crying.
7:01 - Seriously though, this is a cool moment. You can see that Malcolm isn’t sure how he feels about Vijay. Dani sees it too....ALSO can we get some more info about this boarding school? Was it in New York? Was it only for high school? Did Malcolm come home on weekends? How did Malcolm’s nightmares work in the dorms?! I HAVE QUESTIONS.
7:17 - And here comes Papa Gil. Calling Malcolm loudly by his preferred name. As a subtle reminder to Malcolm that they’re working AND a subtle shot at Vijay the douchebag.
7:40 - I’ll say it. When the killer lifts up his visor it looks like Vijay. I spent most of this episode convinced that Vijay was the killer.
8:44 - Ugh. When Vijay (or anyone really) winks I just want to deck them. It’s so freaking gross. I hate him more and more with every passing moment.
8:46 - hahaha this interaction between Gil and Malcolm is everything. Malcolm looks embarrassed, ashamed, and a little scared. Gil just looks concerned that Malcolm is falling for this dude’s act again.
9:05 - hahaha guessing JT’s name is my favourite running gag on this show. Dani knows it - look at her face. AND Malcolm he just looks so happy to have a game to play with JT. JT even looks happy about it. It’s so cute. Malcolm is acting like the annoying little brother he is.
9:20 - Inserting yourself into a murder is a RED FLAG that usually indicates the perpetrator right? ....why are we not investigating this douche?
9:30 - Dani and JT do not like Vijay. OMG. They’re both throwing sarcastic insults Vijay’s way. I assume it’s partially because Vijay is acting like a pompous jerk and trying to do their jobs for them. It’s probably also because they heard him be a dick to Malcolm at the crime scene. Dude wasn’t quiet.
10:30 - “Please stop.” I honestly think Malcolm only said that because Gil was watching from the doorway (like the protective dad he is). Something tells me that Malcolm’s self-worth is so low that he would’ve just let Vijay keep talking until it was safe to leave if Gil wasn’t there.
11:05 - Again. Mr. David isn’t looking into the room. Why?
11:18 - Why does Martin know about Vijay? For some reason it upsets me to think that Malcolm and Martin talked about anything other than murder.
12:07 - FINALLY. The epiphany of a lifetime. Malcolm has finally realized that his trust issues stem from his father. Ugh. It only took 20 years of therapy and the reappearance of Vijay.
12:25 - I hate that Martin refuses to acknowledge that he caused Malcolm any pain. Every parent makes mistakes because no human being is perfect. Good parents sometimes cause their children emotional pain unintentionally but they at least acknowledge it. More proof that Martin is scum.
12:51 - A couple of things. 1) I am so proud of Malcolm. Did you see the way he threw Gil in his dad’s face?!? Gold. Genius. 10/10. A+. BUT 2) The look on Martin’s face in reaction to Gil’s name (and Malcolm’s obvious respect and love for Gil) terrifies me. I’m so scared that Martin is going to find a way to injure/kill Gil. I’m terrified that he’s going to make Malcolm watch.
13:55 - So...we’re all just going to pretend that this is medically possible? Ok. ALSO why is no one concerned about Dani?!?! All the victims have been pretty, young women with dark, curly hair. THAT IS DANI. Why has no one said anything?!? This episode would’ve been so much better if she was kidnapped and the team had to save her.
14:30 - Gil throwing shade at Vijay. <3 Also - look at the way Gil looks at Malcolm when he leaves the room. It’s a look that says “Don’t do anything stupid. I don’t trust this guy.”
14:40 - Vijay called Malcolm “Whitly” again. I’m so mad. I will scream.
15:40 - Vijay is a bad influence on Malcolm. I don’t like this. Malcolm is blackmailing a surgeon and making calls to his father for advice on blackmail. No no. Get Gil back in here - he’s a good influence.
17:00 - ....why does Malcolm know the stats on facial blindness off the top of his head?
18:15 - Gil and Malcolm don’t trust Vijay. Look at those faces.
19:04 - Look at how hard Malcolm is trying to mask his pain here. Ugh. My heart is breaking.
19:15 - Is Vijay really trying to blame this on Malcolm? Vijay is totally manipulating Malcolm. Malcolm is being super honest and aware of his short-comings and Vijay is using him. I hate it.
20:20 - Aww.. Malcolm can’t cook (of course he can’t - boy barely eats). Why is this information still exciting to me? AND Malcolm with rolled up sleeves is attractive. Look at those forearms. ALSO he’s wearing a black watch now. This makes sense though because last we saw of his brown watch was in 1x10. When Watkins had him chained up the watch was gone. I assume it was destroyed in 1x11. This is the new watch? I assume? My headcannon is still that Malcolm doesn’t have more than 2 watches.
20:35 - I feel really bad for Malcolm here. He’s trying so hard to make things right with Eve. He looks so nervous.
20:47 - Soooo Eve isn’t looking for an apology? She’s looking to “talk about his problems”. Yo. Even if I didn’t like Eve before - I wouldn’t like her now. I’m getting the “I can fix him” vibe from her. Those relationships are never healthy.
21:45 - I hate Eve but I will admit: I love that she told Malcolm it wasn’t his fault. That he was just a kid. People don’t tell him that enough. Plus, look at how anxious and sad he is when he tells Eve about the gitb. Ugh. My heart is shattering.
22:30 - Does Gil ever go home? Why is he still at the office? ....also the man has his phone enabled to track Malcolm?!? hahahaha that is perfect. How much do you want to bet that that started after Watkins?
23:20 - Malcolm’s hair is a mess again. It’s time for manic, reckless Malcolm to appear.
23:40 - Malcolm is angry at Vijay. Check out that shade he’s throwing. I’m so happy.
24:50 - Is Vijay paying for the watches out of pocket? Or is his company paying? Either way - not a fan.
26:26 - Jessica is a vicious woman. I love her. “I should call Gil.” BUT now I’m even more scared that Martin will try to hurt Gil.
28:45 - Do you know how I know that Malcolm is a good person? Vijay is a jerk to Malcolm. Malcolm doesn’t like Vijay. Yet, Malcolm saves Vijay.
30:02 - I love this outburst of Malcolm’s. I see in hindsight how it was a coded message. However, I think it was also just a straight shot at Vijay. Malcolm’s smart enough to do both at once. I like Malcolm standing up for himself. It’s sweet.
35:15 - I hate this. I hate that Malcolm’s subconscious tries to convince him that he’s a serial killer. Yes - Malcolm is capable of manipulation. However - he does need friends and he isn’t a killer. Ugh. I feel so bad for Malcolm. Someone give this boy a hug.
38:35 - Malcolm is high on adrenaline and mania right now. He has a concussion. He’s not thinking straight....but it is nice to see him so happy. Too bad it’s like watching someone you love fall into the wrong crowd though.
39:10 - Was Vijay under arrest? He should be. Gil should do it on principle. Because Vijay almost got our favourite profiler killed.
39:50 - I’m sorry. Doesn’t everyone know about Jessica’s search for the gitb?!? SHE BROADCASTED IT ON LIVE TV. She just didn’t call her the gitb.
40:51 - WTF. WTF. No. No. I don’t like Eve. This was such a messed up, stupid thing to do. I don’t even feel bad for her. I just hate her for playing the Whitlys.
Thanks for hanging out.
#prodigal son#jess-rewatches-prodigal#malcolm bright#whitly#ainsley whitly#jessica whitly#martin whitly#gil arroyo#jt tarmel#edrisa tanaka#dani powell#this show is almost perfect#i love this show#whump#malcolm needs a hug#so good#rewatch#spoilers#ps#1x16#the job#e:16#s1
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So have you read that update on that stulid petition? It's some interesting "insider info" Idk I'm pretty sure its all BS but idk idk idk
I hadn't but I looked it up, read through and here are my thoughts on it (I actually made notes on paper). You might want to grab and snack and a drink because this is a long one.
1. Anyone can claim to be a friend of Holly or Jared. Nothing written here has any evidence to support it. If they know Holly and talk to her online I'd assume that they'd have shared at least a few written conversations. They also claim to have known and sent nudes to Jared. I don't want screenshots of nudes but conversations. Where is evidence?
2. Bringing up Holly's mental health wasn't needed, it was probably for sympathy and did they even have her permission to talk about this (if they do know her)(Also same thing about Jared's mental health. More on that later)?
3. I get that Ross wants to stay out of this, more on that in a moment, but if what Heidi has said is completely false and he and Holly had an open relationship, and he and Holly split on any kind of decent terms, and Ross had been mad at Heidi for stopping Holly and Jared's relationship (which yeah, he's mad because his wife isn't fucking another man, makes sense(!)), and for yelling at Holly, then why would he remain silent on everything and let Holly take the heat?
4. Ross wants to be left out of this. They shouldn't be giving out all this information. Say he was aware of Holly and Jared's relationship (though I have my doubts) and that he and Holly were poly (things already stated by people involved in this situation) but any other alleged relationships he was in aren't the public's business.
5. Oh, and we're claiming that Ross and Holly's marriage was toxic for Holly now? I'm gonna be honest Ross is the only person in this situation I still really trust and respect so if he turns out to be not so great I don't know what I'm gonna do, but that's besides the point. Holly and Ross' marriage wasn't the healthiest? Well no shit if she was off telling another man she only had feelings for him and that he had awakened sexual feelings in her she'd never felt before. Shit like that is making me question if she ever actually had feelings for Ross.
6. Also, can we just acknowledge the fact that the person (I'm guessing creator of the petition) asking about the situation pushes the narrative they want and the other person just agrees with what they say? Seems sketchy to me...
7. Why would Ross be mad at Jared for being a good partner and stopping a relationship his wife wasn't comfortable with? I feel like Ross is reasonable enough and would understand (like yeah he may be a little insulted because that's his wife but he must have seen how close she and Jared were and would understand feeling weird about it). Even if he didn't, wouldn't he be mad at Heidi? If this is the truth (which I doubt) then the four of them should have sat down and talked about ground rules and just communicated more. Clearly none of them are cut out for being poly. And again, if Ross was mad at Heidi and not a fan of her see point 3.
8. The whole shit with Heidi and Cristina is speculation. Nothing said is factual, it's just what they 'believe'. Just because Cristina said a few things about Holly and she and Heidi reply to each other occasionally does not mean Heidi had a big scheme. Nate and Cristina broke up a while ago and I haven't seen Cristina and Heidi interact until recently. And even if they did talk they would have known each other through Nate and Jared working together. Unless we get evidence for this claim I'm not going to entertain this idea further.
9. Holly showed a sexual conversation Jared and Heidi had about Heidi's partner. The fact that their relationship was sexual isn't news. Also we don't know when Jared and Heidi stopped being poly. We know that Heidi wanted Jared to end his relationship with Holly because she made Heidi uncomfortable. I seem to remember Heidi even stated that she was fine with Jared pursuing someone else who wasn't Holly and then later they stopped being poly.
10. Heidi said Jared used the fact that he made more money over her. She also said that she and Jared had been together before Jared got big on YouTube. So claiming she was with him for money seems strange to me. Also, maybe not the wisest thing to bring up when Holly has brought up money struggles and when Ross was doing Grumps (and Holly's channel money went to her grandfather's healthcare) she was making less money than Ross so anyone could claim she stayed with Ross for money. See how easy it is to make claims? And this whole idea that she tried to isolate Jared and didn't let him 'have a life outside of her' doesn't seem believable when he had Normal Boots (talking about the guys not just the newish channel) and DCA. They claim she tried to isolate him when Jared clearly had many friends and was far from isolated.
10. They say Heidi 'ransacked' his house; Heidi says she went back to get some stuff she'd left because she had to move out quickly and Jared was out of town at the time. Holly tried to make it seem like Heidi wanted to go back and therefore she clearly wasn't abused. Who knows at this point? All that's for sure is Holly's claim was disgusting.
11. If Jared was so scared of Heidi, why did he make a statement about the divorce knowing that she'd she it even if he blocked her? Heidi said she wasn't going to say anything until she saw his statement and that he blocked her. It's funny to think that this wouldn't be happening if Jared had left it alone or just said they were getting a divorce and wanted to deal with it in private. Holly not responding about how she'd be there to suck his dick if she needed him would have helped too.
12. Just because you had a good experience with Jared doesn't mean everyone did. If someone jumped of a building and somehow ended up being completely fine after that doesn't automatically mean it's safe to jump off of buildings. Your personal experience doesn't not equal everyone's experience. I don't care if this helped you (which by the way just seems like a way of being like 'Jared helped me, he can't be a bad person because he helped me'). It was an abuse of power when he solicited nudes from his fans and minors may have been involved.
13. Mentioning Jared's mental health as a way to gain sympathy. Also, mental health is not an excuse. It can be an explanation, but if you do something that is harmful, especially to others, then you address it and get help. If you engage in risky behaviour then you get help. Jared could give his phone to someone else to stop him sexting people when depressed and fine other ways to distract himself. Additionally, to backtrack slightly, if you know that you are doing something that hurts others and don't try to stop; don't get help, then you are being abusive because you know what you're doing isn't right but you aren't trying to stop (this is more about Holly's behaviour in terms or harming others but Jared knew the risks he was taking in terms of minors possibly being involved and should have gotten help).
14. And lastly, let's go back to the fact that this person claims to be Holly's friend. Holly, who has proven many times how manipulative she can be; who has been called out for her toxic behaviour and lying. So can we trust a friend of Holly's? No. Not just because they may have false information but because they're biased anyway due to being her friend. Also, you know who else is a friend of Holly's? Her previous buisness partner who helped scam a cancer survivor. So yeah... I don't trust friends of Holly's.
#commander holly#holly conrad#commander holly is procancelled#projared#jared knabenbauer#projared is procancelled
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Bell Peppers Ch. 16
“Summit”
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The tea would do well to keep his hands warm once he was outside, as well as wake him up a bit more.
The nightmares had come back full force- shaking him awake, jostling a sore Callie every night since she’d been in hospital, and he always felt so fucking stupid for being the one who needed consoling when she was the one bleeding their baby out and in need of rest. She never complained or silenced him. There was only the calming touch she’s always offered and words that stilled his uproarious sorrowings.
You need to get your shit together, he’d scold himself, but it was impossible to stop the recurring recollections of seeing Callie, beaten and bloody, her stomach swollen in late pregnancy and blood staining her inner thighs at the center of his home. Sometimes it was a swaddled mess of blood and small body parts, laid about the spot Nick was attacked in his backyard, but he could still hear loud cries of an infant carrying around the sky. He wouldn’t tell her, and he hoped she just assumed he was having relapses of his own nightmares that first plagued him.
Nick shuddered, but rolled his shoulder to shake off that unease. He’d face that hurdle later, when he was faced with it again.
The cold blast of rainy air from outside helped clear him up, but it only caused more discomfort as he found Matuk at a concrete bench at the far end of the loading zone.
He bumped his shoulder, shoving a cup under his nose when he turned.
“Callie insisted,” Nick said, and sat beside the younger Orc who still cradled his injured arm close to his chest and brandished the deep gashes across his face dealt from iron fists.
“Thanks,” Matuk mumbled, sipping nervously. He was bundled deeply in layers; Nick could only imagine what it was like dealing with shitty weather and recovering, but the kid was so silent; it never seemed to faze him.
“You come out here to ask about them?”
Nick shook his head. “I already talked to Morn,”
Matuk sipped his hot tea. “Callie make you?”
Nick nodded, sighing. “She asks about you a lot- wishes you’d come up and visit,”
The teen looked down at the drink in his hands, his thumbs flicking the lid noisily.
“She’s not mad,” Nick sighed.
He shrugged. “I let them get to her,”
“You were ambushed,”
“You telling me as a fact or to make yourself feel better?”
“Both, but I know it’s true,” Nick stated, looking at him, though he refused to look back. Nick looked up at the rain falling in sheets from the overhang, clapping loudly against the road and on tops of cars that were parked. “I heard it from the other ones that you managed to fight off 3 of those Volkis,”
“I still-”
“3,” Nick interrupted. “I’ve dealt with them before, at work. There must be something about those Russian bred Orcs cause it took me and 2 other officers to just get cuffs on one, but you took down 3, avall,”
Matuk lifted his head some, but still not towards Nick. “I’m sorry about your little one,”
They both looked in opposite directions nervously, more hardship on Nick’s part, but still gave the young one a nod in acknowledgement before standing and stretching. That was enough of the cold night for now.
“Callie says you should go home and rest. She already told like four others to take up your shift,”
Matuk scoffed, quietly. “Ordering people around?”
Nick nodded, grinning. “Says you should go spend time with Larek.”
Matuk’s ears flickered, and withheld spinning in Nick’s direction as he walked away, hiding the growing smirk on his face. Nervously, the younger Orc scanned his surroundings clandestinely. No one near by this time, so he let go of the breath he’d held. He pulled his phone out, finally finishing the message he’d been writing to Lala before Nick interrupted.
It was the same routine everyday: find one of the higher ups, ask for updates, do a once over of the area himself. There were double the Orcs now- all blended into the day to day bustle of a hospital, but all equally ready to throw down at a moments notice. Most were at the entrances, but a few were scattered up the halls to Callie’s room, always nodding at him as he passed.
But everyday passed that Gerrald was still at large was another day they struggled with paranoia.
Callie would tense worse than Nick every time someone knocked at the door and would sometimes thrash when a nurse came to check on her at night.
The panic attacks were worsening- it took hours to calm her sometimes, but he refused to let them sedate her and put her into a trance like state. He’d hold her for days if it meant she could come out of it clear minded, without having to worry about the after effects of drugs. Most of the time though, she managed. The bruises were at their worst, as were the gashes along her temple, cheeks and lip, but she still cracked smiles here and there, the occasional little joke. But he could see that depression lurking below the surface.
Some instances he’d catch her laying her hands flat over her stomach, staring off, picturing what could’ve been. He didn’t interrupt her, but always had his arms open and ready for her.
He couldn’t go back up to her room without another rice krispie treat- she was a sucker for them and always cheered up a bit with a little extra something sweet.
Nick stopped trying to look at the ‘Congratulations’ balloons and newborn teddy bears lining the check-out counter some time ago. There’d be no getting over it unless he faced it, and accepted it.
“We can always try again,” she mumbled softly, plucking at the zipper to his hoodie and her cheek mashed against his chest. He rocked sideways to better look at her, pulling hair from her cheeks when their eyes met.
“You’d wanna?” he asked, and she nodded.
“Eventually,”
Fingertips traced her tender face, sighing when he moved to rest his head against hers.
“Do you?” she asked, her nose flattened against his cheek when she craned her head back, but blew a raspberry when he only nodded. The look she gave him was all knowing, and there was a brief battle of furrowed brows until he buckled.
“I don’t want you to feel rushed or anything like that,”
“I don’t,” she fired back, kissing his cheek. “I want all boys,”
His head snapped in her direction. “Boys? Plural?”
She nodded. “I want a big family now that I know it can happen. Bunch’a little Nick’s running around.”
He couldn’t suppress the chuckle and wide smile imagining such a life of chaos and excitement. To see a little mutt of them sat on Callie’s hip, maybe a couple others running around the house, all brandishing unique features…
Nick hid his face, whimpering when she stroked the back of his head, stilling the commotion in his heart.
He placed the small congratulatory present back, confident that one day they’d get there, but for now okay coming to terms with everything else. The constant reminder of their situation did more and more to convince him that having a baby would’ve been the wrong time, too. Who knows how long this would drag on for.
With a few more treats snagged off the rows under the register, he was back en route to the elevators, nodding at every Orc before he finally made it to her room.
A soft rap of his knuckles against the door signaled he was coming in, but he didn’t expect Diego and Luciana to be by Callie’s side, laughing as she did.
“Hey baby,” Callie grinned, a small flash of a worried frown making him swallow a chuckle before he leaned over to kiss her cheek and place the rice krispie in her waiting palms.
Luciana always had warm hugs to offer, and would hold his face as she insisted he tell her why they didn’t see him enough. He’d hunch over, trying to remain serious despite his cheeks being squished.
“Sir,” Nick intoned, shaking Diego’s hand, but relaxing when he smiled kindly at him.
“How’s Matuk?” Callie asked, slowly leaning her elbows against her thighs when he sat beside her on the bed.
“Cold and grumpy,”
Her giggle was uplifting, her hand smacking the top of his a pleasant peak into more playful sides that had recently lain dormant. “You’d be grumpy too if you were stuck out all day in the cold,” she murmured, her cheek reddening when he kissed her fingers.
“Like you were never split,” Luciana cracked, causing Nick to hide his face against the back of her hand.
“You go back to work soon?” Diego asked, situating in his chair.
“Couple weeks,” Nick sighed. “I should take off more time-“
“No,” Callie shook her head.
“You need-“
“A couple weeks. I didn’t have my face kicked in like you,” she battled, making a face when he did.
“Mija you can always come stay with us,” her mother reminded, her dad nodding.
“I don’t need a nurse, I’m fine,”
“There’s nothing wrong with extra help,” Diego tried, but Callie shook her hands.
“I’m fine- I can walk and bathe myself and everything, I’m fine. I don’t need assistance for this,” she argued, notedly pointing to the cast on her arm.
Her parents stared at her, but she knew they were critically examining the bruises and cuts, probably weighing how affected by a brain bleed she could be having and not telling them. Her eyes narrowed, leaning back against the raised bed.
“No,”
“Calista-“
“I don’t need help,”
“It doesn’t hurt-“
“I’m staying with Nick I’m fine,”
“Maybe you should hear them out,” Nick mumbled, wincing when she pinched the back of his hand. Her glare of desperation silenced him, and he dropped his gaze. But they could both feel her parents looking at them curiously, probably wondering why she was being so adamant about taking care of herself when she’d never been one to deny a helping hand.
Nick looked at her again, and could see her building the courage in herself, taking a steadying breath before turning back.
“Ma I’m okay. I don’t have any internal injuries or anything. It was only this and a miscarriage,” she croaked, clearing her throat.
It took a moment for it to register, but Callie’s shoulders drew in when the shock flickered across their faces, their postures leaning in.
“Perdiste a tu bebe? Cuando? Cuando tiempo tenias?” Luciana dripped, her hands hovering over the bedding.
Callie’s eyes were already glossy, but she blinked rapidly and looked up to prevent the downpour. “I was only a couple weeks,”
Nick couldn’t look up. He couldn’t face them. He knew they must’ve known it happened while they were split; what would they think of him? Would they accuse him of taking advantage of her? Ask if he covered it up with a staged attack? Would they believe him if he said he could barely stand the thought of being so close to his own child and not knowing it?
There was a long, drawn silence. Her parents looking at one another, leveling with their own second-hand despair, and Callie stiffly holding her father's hand.
It was obvious they didn’t know what to say, or how to react. No one had expected this, especially from Callie. It had been long assumed she would never have any chance of having children, let alone conceiving, so was it better to offer words in hope of it happening again sometime in the future, or apologies that affirmed she could never be a mother?
“I’m sorry-for both of you,” Diego replied throatily, looking at Nick when he turned enough. “I have nothing to offer… my own daughter, I’m sorry I don’t have better words, but I’m sorry, mija,” he uttered, her small hand between his rough, old palms.
“Maybe another time.” Luciana tried, grinning sadly when Nick nodded and looked up at Callie, her eyes brightening again. The red around her iris was vibrant, and shining, the bruise about her soft cheeks deep. There was no looking at her without taking on a swell of emotions, but he’d smile everytime she did. He kissed her hand again, answering the question in her searching eyes:
Yes, of course we’ll try again.
With soft words of comfort and another tight embrace from her mother, the sour topic passed after questions were answered, hopefully not to be brought up again anytime soon. They still insisted she stay with them for the remainder of her recovery, but there’d be no telling them that living at their house meant endangering them. They didn’t notice the Orcs placed about the hospital, or how jumpy Nick was. Leaving them out of the loop was for their own good, even if it made Callie’s foot twitch at an accelerated rate when they left.
He distracted her with walks around the room, and even grabbing her hands to take the lead in a pitiful attempt at slow dancing, but it made her beam from ear to ear as he spun her slowly and did his best interpretation of something along the lines of a mambo. Her toes were crushed in the process, but she’d laugh and go along with it, eventually pressing her face into his chest when her giggles were uncontrollable.
Lunch was sitting in the cafeteria under a tall window that displayed the heavy rain cascading down the glass, and the two chatted quietly and ate, Nick soon enough moving his chair right beside hers so she could lean against him comfortably and continue to people watch.
They wandered back to her room when her vitals were demanded, but would again wander back out through the hospital, sometimes stopping to talk to the Orcs they’d come to know since her brief stay there. She wished Matuk would come in and say hello, but Nick told her of the guilt he obviously felt for her condition.
“If he doesn’t come in soon I’m gonna drag him inside.” she’d said, but yawned as they shuffled through the cafeteria line again for a quick dinner. Anything to avoid the hospital food that was delivered to her room.
↠
“You’re gonna chew through your lip, baby,” Nick mumbled, and she side-glared at him, switching to nibbling on her nails instead. He rolled his eyes. “They’re gonna be fine,”
“What if someone follows them home?” she asked, watching him move around the room.
“They wouldn’t know it was your parents,”
“What if someone was watching them?” she pressed.
“There’s 2 Orcs every five steps-”
“But you don’t know who else is watching while they’re watching,”
“I mean at this point, I think it would’ve been obvious if we saw any shifty dudes or rival Orcs around here,” he pointed out. “I did tell you to wait till we were home,”
“If I would’ve told them not to come it would’ve been more suspicious,” she groaned, slowly spinning on her bottom to lower her legs over the edge of the mattress.
“Could’ve said you wanted to sleep,” Nick mumbled, holding her hands as she stood slowly. She wrapped the extra length of the IV around her wrist, pulling the pump along as she scuffled to the bathroom.
“That’s a lame excuse,” she called out.
Nick kicked his shoes off, mimicking her silently. “Relieved you got it over with though?”
The toilet flushed, and she was shuffling back out, her sweats hung low on her hips and the tank-top twisted around her stomach. “Could’ve done without telling anyone, honestly,”
“Really?”
“Yeah-” she crawled back into bed, grunting and wiggling until there was room for him to slide in after he flipped off the lights and plugged the IV back into the wall. “Rosie knows, that’s enough,”
He slid his arm under her head, her knee pushing between his thighs and sighing in content when she snuggled against his chest, his warmth soaking through her clothes. His robust arms that shielded her from the outside were an immediate comfort. The stark reality they faced didn’t seem so daunting when she could curl against her rock like this, and know he was there to hide behind in tougher moments.
“You won’t tell your parents, huh?” she asked against his chest, and he shrugged.
“They haven’t even met you,”
She looked up at him, her hair feathering around her cheeks. “Wouldn’t they smell it?”
He craned his neck to sniff thoughtfully along her jaw and neck, his nose against her collar making her giggle. “It’s not on you anymore,”
A small, low hmph was all she emitted, her line of sight bouncing around. “Guess we don’t have to worry about that anymore,”
Nick was at a loss for words, so he kissed her chin sweetly instead so she’d curl back against him. She hummed softly when he rubbed her back, her small form melted against his. She toyed with the hem of his hoodie that had hiked up his side a bit, her nails occasionally scraping the skin on his hip, sending goosebumps firing up his sides.
The shift of her head moving woke him a little after he’d started to drift, and the delicate press of her lips under his chin opened his eyes.
His heavy hand moved up her arm as hers slid under his shirt, dragging up his stomach.
Nick chuffed low, conflicted when she kissed his jaw after he angled it up, but her knee sliding up his hip and her body wiggling closer brought him out of the dreamy state her hands and kisses were holding him in.
“Baby,” he groaned, his efforts useless to stop her from sitting up and sliding over his hips in one smooth motion, pushing back on his chest. “Callie c’mon,”
“Hm?” She was moving his head aside with hers, kissing his jaw, dragging her mouth around and massaging his broad chest as she better situated against his pelvis. Holding her form was automatic, as was moaning when she started to gyrate; slow, long grinds over the growing bulge under her pussy, her breathing accelerating as he fell further into her trap.
“Hey-” but she was kissing him, holding his face so he couldn’t pull away.
It was radiating off of her in potent waves, turning his blood to a rolling boil as he inhaled rapidly, letting it sink into his senses. When she was in this state, he wished she wasn’t straddling him so he could run and sit in the cold night, and let reality sink back in.
The desire burned in her viciously. It was expected, but it was like chewing glass when he’d have to deny her, the same thing day after day. They had been advised of the hormone drop and its effects after the first time her impulses had suddenly increased tenfold, but it didn’t make dealing with it any easier.
“You can always try again, but I advise waiting until after your next period to give your body some time to recuperate.” her doctor said, intentionally eyeing Nick who in turn looked at him questioningly.
Boy was he wrong about who would make the first move.
“Touch me,” she breathed, arching her back encouragingly when his hands slid upwards.
“We can’t,” he growled, but still exhaled hard, and slid his palms flat up across her ribs to cup her swollen breasts when she rocked harder over him. She moaned deliciously, clinging to him desperately as he pebbled and rolled her erect nipples between his fingers.
He was breathing heavily, his face mashed against her when he held her ass, admiring the way she rolled above him. His composure was faltering- he was losing his ability to say no the longer he breathed her in and touched her hot skin. He was careful to avoid the bruises along her body and the sore cut on her lip, always holding her jaw in lieu of her cheeks.
His head snapped up when she tugged down on his sweats, finding his dick severely rigid, and dripping with precum.
“Callie,” he whined, holding her hands when she started pulling his dick straight up, squeezing up his shaft. “Callie-” he gasped, but his hips were raising, and stiffening. It was near impossible to resist her touch, and the way she whispered sweet nothings to him that all muddled together in a soft song he couldn’t help but follow blindly.
“You can’t,” he tried again, clenching his fists against his forehead when she shimmied out of her own pants.
Small flickers of nightmares flashed before his eyes- images of her beneath Gerrald, screaming for help- he dropped his head back. No, no, no.
“Callie- Cal stop, you can’t, you have to rest, your body isn’t ready,” he rushed, but guiltily lifted his hips so she could tug his pants down further. Everything on her was alluring; her wet lips, her breasts hanging from her lifted shirt. Looking at her sex was enough- he wanted to ravish her, love her, put another baby in her.
His jaw clenched when the overwhelming flush coated him, his eyes growing heavier; it was almost like spiking a fever.
“I need this,” she breathed, leaning closer to him. “I need you, I can’t take it,” she whined, kissing him softly, her cunt brushing his shaft. She’d always say that, but until this night, he was able to stop her and take the silence she’d blanket him with after being denied, but it was obvious she’d reached her breaking point.
He growled deeply, his fingers lacing with hers when she balanced over him, watching her expertly move to his tip with a dip of her hips and position it just inside her entrance.
“We have to be careful-” she started to slide down. “They said you have to wait-”
“We’re not trying to make another baby right now,” she cooed, kissing his cheek when he looked away to breath, graciously accepting his entire length. “They didn’t say we couldn’t have sex. I need you, amore, I’m losing my mind,” she moaned, kissing his jaw again as she started rolling in long sweeps over him, her slick core sucking him in again and again.
“Fuck, Callie,” he sighed, his eyes closed and mouth agape, lazy hands sliding up her thighs as she fucked him.
“I can’t take it anymore,” she cried, gasping when his thumbs rubbed circles near her groin, his hands barely held against her hips that he loved watching roll back and forth. “I need you,” she again said, looking down between them. “I need you so badly,”
He was motioning to protest again, but she held steadfast, quickening her pace despite her stomach clenching uncomfortably. She couldn’t stand the desire anymore. It consumed her finer than cold water, and overwhelmed her thoughts, distracting her all day. It reminded her of the stunning absence in her body, and how she’d yearned for Nick’s touch- to be reminded of something familiar, and comforting.
��Please-” a desperate kiss, “Please, just this once and I won’t ask again-”
“Shh,” he hushed, her desperation evident, and it broke his heart.
Carefully he rose, his arm around her and slowly flipping them so she was pressed into the crisp bedding and he between her thighs, his mouth meeting hers in a loving lock as he pushed back in. She moaned, her face contorted in pleasure, holding around his shoulders tightly as he loved her.
She sang beneath him, thanking him in repeated kisses and soft whispers, her breaths coming in long puffs. Everything about her was alive, and vulnerable, and he felt twisted and fucking disgusting for enjoying this so much, but he couldn’t stand how sad she’d become when he’d deny her the love she so fiercely needed.
“What if someone comes in?” he puffed, looking at the door as his hips kept steady rhythm. She shook her head lazily, her hands sliding to hold his face.
“I’m getting close,”
He watched her limp body start to tense, her bruised face start to tighten. “Callie-”
“Don’t cum inside,” she breathed, starting to curl inwards. “Harder, baby,”
He covered her mouth when she cried out, struggling to fight off his own end he felt fast approaching. Nick dropped closer when her nails dug into his arms, and he smothered her carefully, slowing to deep, deliberate thrusts when she sobbed and clenched beneath him, her body a frenzy of pent up sensations and emotions finally flooding over her.
Put another baby in her- fuck her until she’s carrying your baby again.
What the fuck?
She held his face as he quietly approached his release, confessing his undying love to her before pulling out and burying his face against her shoulder to hide his confusion at his own thoughts, his load dripping across her bare stomach in spasmodic bursts. He grunted until he was spent, hovering over her, and looking up to kiss her cheek. If he hadn’t emptied across her stomach, he would’ve collapsed, lulled completely by her touch across his face and the soft thank yous she kissed into his lips.
But she looked so relaxed again. Her hand movements held no remnants of tension, her face no longer holding the strain of built stress.
“You look better,” he whispered, sliding his palm clumsily across her forehead to move her hair. She chuckled; so beautiful.
“I feel better,” she breathed.
At last he sat up, her knees over his thighs as he reached for a sheet they could discard.
What was once serene was now guilt as he watched her wipe away his mess from her bruised belly, rolling the sheet before tossing it near the biohazard bin.
The silence was nothing awkward of the sort as he helped her slip her panties back on when her casted arm started to ache, but he was sure she knew something troubled him by the way he remained perched at the end of her bed, looking over her partially bared form.
Callie bent her arms behind her head, tapping the side of her foot against his thigh so he’d look at her.
“Did I pressure you?” she croaked, but he shook his head insistently.
“No, baby, I’m just- I don’t know,” he exhaled, moving onto his knuckles to lay beside her.
At first, they laid shoulder to shoulder, his hand pulled back over her stomach as she smoothed her palm against his, but eventually she inclined to sit on an elbow over him.
“You can go home if you need to rest,”
“No, hell no- I’m fine,” he insisted. But something felt… off. A held suspense was lurking in his bones, something warm like a fever that he couldn’t quite shake.
“No pain?”
He shook his head. “Little bit here and there in the ribs, but I’m nearly back to normal,” he assured, twisting his index finger in her short curls. They looked at one another past the dark of the room, her eyes struggling to read him.
“Talk to me,” she said softly.
Nick thought, and tried to form what he felt, but conjuring the right words only made him feel like he would say something stupid. The longer he stared into that bloodshot eye and canvassed the bruising that only deepened by day made the unrest worse. He couldn’t sort his own shit- what the fuck was going on with his head?
“I’m just sorry,”
Her brows furrowed, her head cocking.
“I should never have left that day- I should’ve taken you with me,”
“You didn’t know it would happen,” she told him.
“But I knew something could happen,”
“Something happened to you, too, and a lot worse. I’m not the only victim here,” she said sternly, her voice above a whisper.
Nick swallowed. “We weren’t the only ones,”
Callie sighed, laying her cheek on his chest.
You did it- you said something stupid, you fucking-
“Do you think it would’ve been a girl or boy?” She asked, and although his mind was plagued with conflict, the what-if was as brilliant as the rain after a week of drought. “What if it would’ve been twins?” He snorted, covering his face. “Could you imagine?”
“I mean, a pair now means we wouldn’t have to try for another,” he reasoned.
“I want a big family,” she whispered, looking back at him again. He grinned, but it was momentary. What had once been hope was suddenly realization dawning on her. This happened often; they’d become carried away, speaking of preferences and names, and forget that not only did she just have a miscarriage, but that conceiving was still near impossible. They’d had unprotected sex for close to 9 months, and just now did this happen. Who says they’d be so lucky again?
The tears pooled in her eyes, and he held her cheeks, her brows starting to pull together.
“Baby,” he intoned, his thumb swiping away the quick tears slipping down her cheeks.
“He took my baby away,” she wept, pressing her face into his palm, and more tears spilled over despite her eyes pinching shut. “That was my only chance.”
She was cradled in his arms in a flash, just as hoarse sobs rocked her delicate form, her face buried under his chin.
He had to refrain from squeezing her when anger broke through the film of empathy in his heart. The ferocity coming off of him must’ve been palpable, for she hushed him gently despite still crying, bringing a hand to her lips for soft kisses, and even softer words of comfort.
God- why did he suck at this so much? Why couldn’t he offer the same comfort she did? All he could do was hold her, and rock her, and promise things would get better, but those promises were empty as long as he was running wild.
His strong arms tightened, and she became part of him, slowly calming under his touch until sleep pulled over her like a blanket.
Nick was left awake, alone with his thoughts, and the madness that encouraged him to swing and scream, and tear all of LA apart until he found the fucker who had infested their lives. He had only been back to his house once for their clothes, but seeing the destroyed door and turned furniture, and the spot she’d been assaulted…
Callie grunted and wiggled, and he lessened the strong hold he hadn’t realized he’d surrounded her with.
A few deep breaths, and forcing the stiffness in his neck and shoulders to relax helped pull him from that dark frame of mind, but even if he managed to sleep, he expected the nightmares to jostle him soon enough.
His eyes trained to the door, watching the occasional set of feet move by. Nurses working the night shift, sometimes a patient scuffling along, surely an Orc that was probably restless.
It was safest here, but all he wanted was for them to be home. He wanted to be in familiar walls, where he knew the exits and entrances and knew where he could get to his gun.
With a final wiggle deeper into the sterile bedding, he closed his eyes, hopeful that her presence would be enough to keep his own rampant thoughts at bay.
“Ow.” Callie winced, shuddering when the catheter slipped from her hand and the last of the tape pulled from her skin.
“All done.” the nurse chimed, properly disposing of the used items after taping the gauze over the small puncture wound. Callie shook her hand, pleased to have her hand back and not hook the taped IV on everything. There’d be a bruise on the back of her hand soon enough.
“Just yank it out next time,” Nick grumbled from behind her, his arms crossed and knee bouncing erratically.
Callie turned and glared, her brows arching in question. He motioned impatiently to the woman still picking up her station, but Callie waved him off, rolling her eyes.
“Have you gotten your discharge paperwork yet?” the nurse asked.
“No, I’m still waiting,”
“Well you can start packing up now so when they bring it in your can take off, hun.” she smiled kindly, avoiding any eye contact with Nick before leaving. Callie spun, and Nick’s knee stilled.
“Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?” she hissed.
“She didn’t know what the fuck she was doing!” He exclaimed, standing to look over the aggravated skin of her hand. “Got another thing to worry about now,”
“Some people are better at it then others,” she reasoned, pulling her hand back and looking up at him, a little more light in her eyes than before.
He shrugged, still a little annoyed. “Ready to go home?”
“Hell yeah,” she exhaled, standing to dig through her bag to change. “I’m so over hospital food,”
“And nurses coming in every 10 minutes,” he grumbled, almost impatiently.
“Eager for some alone time again?” Callie intoned, peaking over her shoulder. There was something feral about the way Nick looked at her; like he was famished, and she was his main course. He looked like he wanted to eat her alive, or maybe judging by the way he scented her when her excitement grew and his own reaction became evident under his sweats, a different kind of eating…
“Nick-”
Soft knocks at the door, and Nick rushed to the bathroom, closing it quietly behind himself as he heard the door open.
“Oh hey,” Callie chimed, relieved when Rosie and Santiago walked in with reserved smiles. Her mouth had opened to question their strange behavior when Patricia walked in after them, side stepping awkwardly like a mannequin being placed in a room.
Callie retracted, her mouth tightening into a straight line.
“Oh, hey,” she said quieter, stepping back to where she had started.
The discomfort was evident on Rosie and Santi’s face as they struggled to situate themselves amongst the sparse furniture, Trish following suit, but perched on the edge of the bedside table.
“How’s it going?” Santi cut through the cold glares. “Where’s your boy?”
“Bathroom. I’m doing fine, getting ready to go home,” Callie answered, returning to looking for clothes.
“Did you decide to stay at-” Patricia tried asking.
“No, I’m going home,” Callie snapped, and Nick came out, a little awkwardly at that.
“Hey guys,” he said to them all, even Trish, but couldn’t withhold narrowing his eyes at her. He thought he’d be able to keep better restraint over his expressions when he saw her- that was one of the things they trained for to be a cop, but the gravity of her words, and Callie’s condition only made him livid.
“Goin’ back to work soon, homie?” Rosie asked, lifting some of the stress.
“Couple weeks,”
“Don’t even look like you were ever roughed up,” Santi commented, nodding as Nick did.
“Yeah, just a few scars left behind,” Nick mumbled, rubbing the top of his head. Callie patted his side and gave him a sly wink, in turn struggling to do much with her casted hand starting to ache considerably.
“C’mere, gimmee that,” Rosie stood quickly to help fold her clothes.
“Can I help-” Patricia spoke up too.
“No,” Callie snapped, cringing past discomfort if it meant keeping her sister away. Nick thought it better to make himself busy elsewhere. Rosie’s surprised brows almost made him chuckle, though.
A stiff silence filled the small room, and Nick could clearly read all over Santi how desperately he wanted to melt into the wall and leave the conflict of his sisters.
Patricia was fidgeting, much like Callie did; bouncing knee, biting lip, but her hands slid around each other nervously.
“I’m sorry, Cal,” Patricia exhaled.
“Fuck you,” Callie cracked, throwing her shirt down. Rosie’s hands retracted, and she stood awkwardly at the opposite side of the bed, her hands on her hips and shaking her head almost unnoticeably at Nick who worded ‘should we stop them’?
“I know what I said-”
“Save it- just fucking save it cause your apologies don’t mean shit, Trish. You have this wonderful fuckin’ habit of lashing out at people because they don’t do what you’d do and then you think a few sorry’s and a girls day can fix everything when it doesn’t, so don’t bother with the excuses,”
“I’m not making excuses-” Trish pleaded.
“Bullshit, you’re gonna cry about how stressed you are and how you only want what’s best for us-”
“That’s not what I was gonna say!” she implored.
“Or you’re gonna go on about ‘being able to see things from an outsider's perspective’,” Callie scoffed, moving towards the end table beside Nick. “Should’ve known you’d come after me. You did it to Rosie when Daryl came around so I should’ve known you’d find something to rage over when mom and dad liked Nick,” Callie went on, her demeanor otherwise calm compared to a flushed Trish.
“I just didn’t want you to end up a single mother like me-”
“I didn’t! It’s gone. I fuckin’ lost it, but even then, there was nothing pointing to me ending up like you just cause you got a weird feeling! From this point on, I don’t wanna fucking hear anything from you, even if I ever get pregnant again cause I’m so fucking over your shit, so fuck off!”
Santiago and Patricia both held the same expressions; complete disbelief, but Trish had stepped forward, her eyes wide with sympathy.
“You were pregnant?” she rasped.
Callie rolled her eyes. “Just caught that, huh?”
“Oh my god- Calista-”
“No, no no stop, just- just fucking leave, please? I wanna go home, so just fucking… leave me alone,” she pleaded, holding the heel of her palm against her forehead. Her bottom lip was trembling; Nick instinctively stepped into her space, his hand smoothing the back of her head.
“We’re leaving,” Rosie sighed, walking around the bed to hug her younger sister and hold her flushed cheeks. “Be safe, and rest okay?” she asked, Callie’s eyes filling with tears as her sister kissed her cheek and patted Nick’s arm before moving away.
“Let’s go.” Rosie told Trish, waiting for her to stiffly step away, yet giving Callie one final, pleading glance, but only received unbridled fury. “Let’s go.” Rosie said again. Finally, the eldest left with a last ditch effort of a glance at Nick, but he was unmoving in every sense. Santi stood from his chair, but reached to shake Nick’s hand, his palm placed over them thoughtfully.
“Better luck next time.” he mumbled, leaning to give Callie a chaste hug before following his sisters out, surely to be caught in the middle of more arguing on that car ride home.
“Calm down,” Nick hushed gently, kissing her cheek with his arms wound around her waist, bearing her weight she suddenly felt too weak to keep upright. With a turn, she was pressed against him, her face between her shoulder and his broad chest, sniffling, but already calming the longer she stood with him shielding her.
“That sucked,” she blubbered, and groaned when he rubbed her back. “This sucks,”
“It does,” he agreed, sadly, resting his lips against her hair. “Let’s go home where it doesn’t suck, though.”
Callie nodded and unwound from him reluctantly just as a discharge nurse came in to hand over the last of her paperwork and at home instructions, along with her next appointment reminder.
Nick layered her thoroughly; if there was one thing he learned about recovering from a beating, it was that the cold made it hurt more. He even pulled his beanie down over her head, grinning at the way her short curls twisted out from under it.
She held steady to his arm in lieu of sitting in a wheelchair, but it felt good to wobble farther than the length of her own room.
“Are these all Fogteeth?” she whispered, and he nodded.
“Been here since you got here,” he murmured, putting her on his other side as a few followed them onto the elevators alongside other staff of the hospital. The more that piled in, the more agitated Nick became. He could hear them scenting the air, detailing how available Callie was even if she’d just miscarried. Even if that was a norm in Orc culture, he didn’t like it. If she were with any other, they would’ve tried for another baby already; no wasting time in Orc households.
He moved his arm around her waist when one stepped behind them; one that was particularly bigger than Nick, with tusks that curled impressively, and he was most likely canvassing her from behind.
Since they’d woke that morning, Nick had had trouble restraining himself. Soon she’d start her period- he could smell it, which meant soon she’d be fertile again. The most alluring scent to anything non-human, including him. A deep, quaking yearn in his gut fought to stick another baby in her, but that also meant others were going to be feeling the same urge.
Like this one behind them that just took half a step closer.
The snarl from behind Nick’s bared teeth was immediate and involuntary, and startled the nurses greatly more than it simply confused Callie.
The Orc stepped back, glowering back at Nick. For a solid minute he thought fists would start swinging, with every second passed they fought with their eyes, but Nick’s seniority must’ve been enough to back him off.
“What’s wrong?” Callie whispered, patting his chest. He only chuffed, holding tighter around her waist as they waited their turn to exit the elevator after the humans rushed off, questioning under their breath to one another.
Nick pulled her out carefully, a departing glare to all of them. He was grateful for the rush of cold air when the sliding doors opening to the rainy weather outside, cooling the overwhelming heat he felt coming off him like steam.
What the fuck, he thought to himself, letting out a deep breath.
“Nick,” Callie called to him, and he looked down, finding her perplexed.
“What?”
“I’ve been saying your name for like a minute,” she told him, observing the confused state of his expression. “Lost up there?”
“I guess,” he exhaled. They made it to Matuk, who was again sitting at the bench beside the pick-up zone, looking up at Callie with bright eyes as she made it over to him. He rose in time for her hug, carefully squeezing her. Nick withheld another growl, opting to turn away.
The fuck is your problem?!
“How’re you feeling?” Matuk asked. “We both have fucked up arms,”
“I’m good, just tired a lot,” she grinned, stepping back to bump against Nick’s side, but he still didn’t turn around. “Did you manage to go home?”
“Here and there, but I’m okay,”
“You shouldn’t be out here looking like that,”
Matuk shrugged, awkwardly because of his sling. “Lala brings me food and company sometimes,”
Callie smiled, but winced when her split lip stung. “Ouch,”
Nick spun, looking down at her lip that had started to bleed again slightly.
“Shouldn’t be getting her worked up,” Nick snapped, and Callie looked at him with arched brows, holding a tissue against her mouth.
But upon looking back at Matuk, he was only suppressing a grin, his eyes squinted in humor as he looked elsewhere. “Yeah, sorry,”
“C’mon, truck isn’t parked that far,” Nick motioned.
“Yeah sure… see you soon?” she asked the younger Orc, who nodded and sat back down.
“Good luck recovering.” he said loud enough just for her to catch, and she shot him a questioning look over Nick’s arm around her shoulders.
It started to occur to Callie that everyone had been acting differently that morning and Nick was the one who seemed the most off. His hold around her was more protective than loving, his body stiff and composure alert. Worry started to seep into her bones; was he returning to old habits?
An arm looped around his waist did some to lessen the grip about her, and he seemed to calm the closer they came to his truck, but she could still sense something was wrong in his head. Probably due to their overall predicament, so she shoved it aside. She couldn’t blame him for being on higher alert.
“We’re going back to your place, right?”
Nick shrugged. “I dunno,” he effortlessly scooped her up bridal style to place her in the passenger seat, even when she protested. “Maybe it’d be better to stay at your place,”
“You think?” she asked, watching him move around the back of the truck. Nervously, she fidgeted, her line of sight jumping until he was sitting beside her and grunting. “Your ribs hurt?”
“Barely, more uncomfortable than anything,” he turned the engine over. “So how about it? Mine or yours?”
She pursed her lips. “More people around my place might make is less likely for them to come around again,”
“Closer to the hospital, too. You have an appointment coming up.”
She nodded. “Need to get our stuff though.”
↠
“Nick, I don’t need to be carried,” she giggled, patting his chest when he lifted her from the car again.
“Can’t be too careful,” he sighed as he set her down, offering an elbow again as they walked to his front door. The locks had been replaced, but the door still needed repainting, and he felt her resist at his side when he unlocked the door.
Nick could tell that Ward had tried spraying air freshener or lighting candles to cover the smell, but blood stained carpet like it did senses, which was why there was new rolls beside the moved furniture. An attempt had been made to lift the dark stains, but even if they’d pulled up some, the scent would remain. His table was gone and sat outside in shattered pieces, and destroyed picture frames were set upon the bar to his kitchen.
As Callie walked through the living room slowly, she tried to avoid looking down the hallway, but her bruised eyes lingered, and her body started to unsteady. She was standing right beside one of the stains, but Nick didn’t know if she noticed, her hands too busy cracking her knuckles to do anything else but stand and panic.
“Go sit down, I’ll get our stuff,” he kissed into her hair, turning her towards the couch. It was languid, but she nodded, blinking her life back into perspective before shuffling towards the sofa.
He threw it all into bags, worried more about keeping her longer than necessary. It occurred to him that he might never be able to bring her into his home again, and the thought troubled him, but if he could be at her home and make sure she recovered without any additional trauma, he wouldn’t complain.
Fuck, he’d sell his house if it came to that.
The bedroom was walked through once more, grabbing another sweater to stuff into the bag before moving to the bathroom and tossing more essentials in. He was just about to make it down the hallway when he stopped short, and returned to his room.
He pulled his Glock and badge from the bedside table, and reached high into the closet for the extra clip, but kept the gun in his waistband. Nick was honorable through and through, but at this point, if he saw so much as a glimpse of Gerrald, he wouldn’t resist shooting.
“All set, let’s go-”
She was hunched over, her arms beneath her chest and heaving into her palms, her shoulders shaking.
The bags were dropped and she was cradled against him faster than the snap of a whip. It was difficult to unwind her, but he managed to loosen her enough so he could hold her face, and keep enough eye contact to ask her to mimic his breathing and slowly, slowly bring her down from the panic she was being thrown from.
“Breathe with me, baby,” he said softly, moving her hair from her damp face. “We’ll go home and change so you can rest, and we’ll worry about everything else tomorrow, okay? Let’s get going so you can get comfortable,”
“I wanna stay,” she spoke huskily, her eyes cracking open. Even redder than before, now.
“We shouldn’t, you said so yourself,”
Her face soured, and he held her cheek. “I’m scared,” she hiccuped. He sighed and pulled her into an embrace, smoothing the back of her head as she wept quietly against him. “It feels safer here,”
“You’re safe wherever I’m with you,” he declared. “Even at your place,”
“Even here then, too,” she countered, a smallest of a grin making him chuckle.
Nick was still resistant, evident by the sideways purse of his lips. “Please?” she asked. “If it happens again, I’ll go home and not complain,”
“That’s not bothering me-”
“I think it was just the initial shock-”
“Calista,” he stopped her, holding her head. “Stop. Don’t drag yourself like that,” he told her sternly, ready to squash anymore of it. “We can stay, but the minute you can’t function, we’re leaving,”
“Thank you,” she exhaled, her eyes falling shut in relief before giving him a quick peck.
He wiped her cheeks before he gave her another sweet kiss, followed by a small hum from her. Callie still sniffled, but her hands found their way over his, holding him there as she leaned in for another.
Kissing Nick was like Dilaudid lulling you into calmness; his caresses had a way of keeping her suspended in a dream like state where only he existed and her issues didn’t rain so dominantly over her life. So, of course, she followed his mouth when he leaned back, her hands sliding from his and up his chest, fingers curling into his hoodie.
“Not again,” he groaned, powerless when her hot tongue slid into his mouth, eliciting a low groan.
“I know I said I wouldn’t ask again,” she paused to brush her lips against his, “But it’s a good distraction,”
He traced his sharp teeth across her jaw, biting gently down the length of her neck as her head fell back into the crook of his elbow. “You shouldn’t anymore,” he groused, grasping her thigh forcefully.
“You want to,” she moaned, her thighs parting and his hand dragging to her lower stomach. “I know you do,”
“Of course I do,” he whined, slipping under her layers to hold her waist, her hot skin provoking the fire he felt consuming his rational thoughts. “Of course I fucking do,” he growled, pulling her flush against him, his hand sliding under the bra strap across her back.
Callie moaned, and he lost most of his control.
Like she was weightless, he pushed her aside, onto the cushions of the couch, looming over her.
“Open up, baby,” he breathed, leaning into her welcoming hands and his hips rutting tight against her once her thighs had parted. He kissed her without reservation, conscious enough to remember the tender state of her face and body as he ravished her and started to strip piece by piece off of her.
He worshipped every part that was uncovered, starting with kisses along the inside of her knees once he’d peeled her tights off and ending with loving licks across her bare breasts, trembling with gasps as he fondled her delicately.
Nick groaned when he licked down her stomach. “I can smell how wet you are,” he whined, puffing against her skin.
Fuck her until she screams-
“I want you inside me,” she breathed, her hips raising just as he skipped back up her body, his eyes pinched shut and face pressed against her neck.
What the fuck is wrong with me-
Bite her- mark her, make her yours forever.
He chuffed, continually, as she slipped her hands under the waistband of his sweats, pulling long strokes down his hard member that swelled painfully.
“Put it in me,” she begged, her neck craned to catch his mouth as he hovered over her.
“Fuck, Callie,” he exhaled hard, his hips pumping into her hold.
He was taking long inhales of her arousal, his eyes flickering between her working hands and naked sex under him, so close, yet so far.
Slide in.
Heat enveloped him, and he felt light-headed. He moved her hands above her head, pinning them down by her elbows as his hips dipped and he pushed his way inside her, relishing in the way she sobbed beneath him in thanks.
Nick’s eyes fell closed, and he let himself become immersed in her sweet, soaked center, stroking every inch of him, enveloping him entirely.
Fuck her. Until, she, screams.
The sudden change in speed made her gasp, her eyes flying to his, but she didn’t ask him to stop. Her face tightened, but her knees instinctively rose closer to her chest, her mouth hung in breathless moans.
He kept hold of her arms as he lowered onto his elbows, his cheek pushing hers aside to bite harder than normal under her jaw.
She cried out, but ended with a snarl of her own, her legs locking against his lower back.
“Nick- oh my fucking god, I can’t-” she tried forming, but let herself fall apart, mumbling incoherently.
“You feel so fucking good,” he hissed, his face against her cheek, his voice wavering in time with his rapid thrusts. “You’re so fucking good,”
Make this pussy yours forever. Taste her blood and stick another baby in her-
What the fuck!?
Nick reared up, yanking her hips up to slap against his, his head leaned back and eyes closed.
If he kept breathing in her skin, he would bite her. Something inside him was stretching across his limbs, heating his belly with an unmatched desire he’d never experienced before. Everything about him was on fire- his skin, his thoughts, but the overwhelming need to sink his teeth into her skin and taste her blood scared him.
She’s your mate- she’s your woman. Mark her, keep her.
“Oh fuck,” he snarled, landing back on his hands, her touch winding up his rigid arms and to his shoulders.
“I’m close- I’m so close,” she panted, and sang when he shoved his hands under her knees and pushed them to her chest, firing into her.
Fill her up. Make her known to be yours- nobody else's. Fuck her and fill her with a baby so no one can touch her.
“There there there- fuck fuck fuck!” she hollered, her face pressed into her own arm beside her head, gripping his couch as her orgasm cascaded over her, pushing her spine into a stiff arch and her eyes back into her head.
Her walls pulsated around him and Nick bit into his own cheek when his head landed in the crook of her neck, pulling from her in time to explode across her slick sex. He growled lowly as his tip pushed between her coated lips, mixing their juices and stroking her sensitive clit.
The taste of his own blood brought him back eventually, and he looked up at her, his brows furrowing as hers did.
“Nick- oh my god, are you okay?” she asked, blood pooling from his parted lips as he struggled to catch his breath. “Holy shit,”
Bloody saliva dripped onto her chest as he leaned back, but she sat up, her hands following his face.
“What happened?” she asked, struggling to sit up, her body weakened by such a climax.
“Bit myself,” he slurred, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He could feel the deep bite with his tongue, and couldn’t fathom how she would’ve reacted if he’d bit into her like that. “Got too excited, I guess,”
“I’ll get you some tissue,”
“No, go clean up- you’re covered in my blood and…” he chuckled, turning her by the hips away from him. His semen was already leaking down the inside of her thighs, not to mention the heavy droplets of blood trailing down her chest.
“Are you sure?” she asked, backing up slowly.
He nodded, putting on his best smile with blood smeared across his face.
It wasn’t until he heard his bathroom door shut did he bury his face in his palms, taking deep breaths. Fifteen seconds since they’d fucked and he was already getting hard again just from seeing her coated in his blood and semen. Even his own blood? It appeared to be the next best thing to knocking her up, it seemed.
You need to get your shit together, Nick.
He swallowed more blood, standing to walk to his kitchen to clean himself.
His mouth was really gushing, even after he swished water in his mouth and spat a few times. The deep bite stung something awful when he stuck a finger between his jaws, and he groaned, half relieved that he hadn’t sunk his fangs into Callie, but also bummed that this would most likely cause him quite some trouble in the coming days.
“How’re you doing?” Callie asked, emerging from her room with one of his sleeveless shirts over her frame. Toned legs were still bare, and when she turned, he could see the side of her breasts.
She looks naked without your mark.
Before he let his raging thoughts dictate his actions again, he splashed cold water over his face, leaning onto his elbows over the sink. It stopped that same rush of warmth from firing over his skin, but his head still felt lighter, yet focused entirely on Callie as she walked towards him. He didn’t lift his face from behind his fists until she was beside him with a hand on his back, and even then, he wasn’t sure he could control himself.
“Bite bugging you?” she asked with utter concern in her voice, but he chose to nod.
“Hurts,” he cleared his throat, cupping water into his mouth again and spitting.
“What got you so worked up?”
Nick shrugged, lowering his gaze as his head dropped down against the knuckles of his thumbs. His line of sight followed the sculptured curve of her legs upwards from her feet, landing on her flat stomach she’d tied the shirt snugger around with a hair tie.
“You’re starting your period soon,” he half lied, looking at her from the corner of his eye.
“Mm,” she nodded, patting his back again and turning away in time to skip out on the hard-on he was building again. “Maybe we should hold off for a while before you bite your tongue off.”
He chuffed, licking his lips with bloodied tongue as she went about gathering their clothes.
More water over his face when she bent over.
“Yeah, maybe.”
If he tried hard enough, he could solely concentrate on her face while she spoke, and force himself to look elsewhere when his eyes lead his mind on a journey down her body.
But everyday she grew closer to her period, the more delicious she smelled.
If he had to get up and walk out into the cold night to stop from bending her before him, he’d take deep inhales against her stomach or thighs, holding his breath until that smack of frigid air knocked it from him. By then, the rampaging yearn to fuck her was chased away, ready to lie in wait for it’s next opportunity to pounce.
It didn’t help that she loved to sleep in nothing but underwear and that she seldom wore bras, even in public, or that she was always throwing suggestive glances his way.
It also didn’t help having Orcs around them 24/7.
He couldn’t tell her that when one of the males from the Fogteeth were being nicer than usual, it was because they were analyzing her. That when they suddenly stood taller, it was because they were waiting for her to choose the biggest bull.
There was Nick- big, broad, but smaller compared to other Orcs, and without tusks to show proudly.
But there was her undying loyalty, and the way she held his arm confidently in public and moved his arms around her ribs when they stood chest to back while waiting in line somewhere. There was also the way she whispered to him, asking him to put his hands on her with an impish grin. It was how her body reacted to the slightest brush of his fingers across the back of her neck, or a quick kiss to her jaw.
Yet where there was desire, now came an unquenchable appetite. He could roar with how impulsive it made him, but there was a greater need to silence it.
Callie still had a recovery ahead of her, and no matter how badly his body fought to impregnate her again, he wouldn’t burden her with such a thing so soon.
So he stared at the setting sun with stinging eyes while they stood on the pier, drawing his mind from it’s newest corner, even with his arms around her.
He still kissed her knuckles when they sat in the waiting room of her follow-up appointment, but clenched the arm rest with his other hand, his fingertips aching incredibly.
And while they sat across his couch, watching Netflix with her legs in his lap and her arms crossed behind her head, he’d let himself gaze upon her nipples showing through the camisole she wore, but would bite into his healing mouth when his fingers would start to drum against her knee in anticipation.
The three days that passed felt like weeks. Nearly every minute of everyday had been tactful.
Not to throw her beneath him and make sure no one laid with her again, or holler at other Orcs there when they stood just a few feet too close. They started groaning and rolling their eyes every time Nick came from his house to ask for updates, yet some would… snicker.
Especially when Callie made a move bolder than normal around them and they saw how much he struggled to keep his composure.
It pissed him off. More so that they clearly saw him battling himself and thought it humorous.
If he could find the quick moment alone with them, he’d hiss in Orkish under his breath, silencing them only temporarily. But how long was temporary? How long before he had control of his mind back from this unknown force?
“You should just come with me,” he grumbled, pulling his shirt down over his nearly healed body.
“I’ve had my share of hospitals for at least another year, thank you,” she grinned, leaning against the doorway to his room with a mug of Orkish tea curled against her chest.
“What if-”
“You said so yourself,” she said from behind the lip of the cup, earning a worried glance. “There’s more Orcs around now,”
“What if he brings more people with him the second time around?”
“Baby,” she sighed, and he looked at her once he’d finished pulling on his Nike’s. “You’ll be back in 30 minutes,”
“So come with me if it’s so quick!” he begged, holding her sides and pulling her closer.
“I’m tired though,” she groaned, leaning against him with her mug off to the side. She placed a soft peck on his jaw and another on his lips when he looked down at her. “I’m gonna nap while you’re gone,”
He only whined lowly, his arms around her tight as his reluctance grew, but his mouth wandered down her neck. Her legs already felt weak, and she blindly stuck her arm out to find the edge of his dresser, suspecting that the mug actually hung precariously off it’s ledge when she placed it there.
“Are you actually gonna fuck me this time?” she breathed, holding his face to kiss him forcefully.
“Can’t,” he paused to taste her tongue. “Have to go,”
That was a lie. He could’ve thrown her back and fucked her until she went blind, but he didn’t trust himself to be careful with her when he was already shaking with restraint.
“Nick, come on,” she moaned, her arms snaking around his neck, pulling herself up to attempt wrapping her legs around him.
Before either of them looked at his ringing phone, they both knew it was Ward; it was always Ward.
“Gotta go,” he kissed against her mouth, carefully unwinding from her hold to leave her disheveled and irritated.
“Nick Aleksei Jakoby!” she snapped, following him out, but he only pecked her cheek again at the door and walked out. If he’d faced her, and the way her shirt was hiked up her front with her hair in her face, he would’ve collapsed and given in. It had to be like this- he had to sort his shit first.
His knee always acted up when he walked this briskly, but he was purposely rushing to avoid the Fogteeth around too. He could already hear their laughter.
“What’s good, Jakoby?” Ward asked, waiting patiently in his sedan.
“Same old,” Nick grunted, sitting in the cramped passenger seat.
“No cane today?”
Nick side-eyed him. “Haven’t needed it in weeks,”
“Don’t look so old anymore,” Ward grinned, pulling onto the street.
“Can’t say the same about you.” The Orc shifted, hesitant to look at his partner again, but couldn’t help but chuckle at the way Daryl glared at him.
“Someone’s gonna take another swing at you if you keep it up.” Ward teased.
It took a great deal of coordination, but Callie finally managed to make it out onto the porch with two mugs in hand, scanning the multitude of cars parked on the street until she found the fire engine red Ranger with the California lift at the farthest end.
A female Orc peaked over at her and Callie raised her mug, shuffling over to the small patio set to sit before the same graceful, tall, lean woman joined Callie, pushing her sunglasses up over her head wrap.
“How you doin’, lambchop?” Morn asked, leaning over for a quick half-peck on Callie’s cheek before grabbing the extra mug with an appreciative smile.
“Sore, restless,” Callie sighed, also putting her feet up when Morn did, her burgundy Doc Martins thunking loudly against the wooden railing. “Aren’t you cold in that fishnet?”
Morn looked down at her legs, shrugging in her denim vest covered in patches. “Warm blooded,”
“Hm,” Callie nodded, sipping her tea. “Any updates?”
“I wish. Those bastards fell off the face of the Earth,” Morn mumbled, her chin rested in her palm as her brilliant eyes watched Callie sigh and shift. “Haven’t seen you outside in a while,”
“Nick’s paranoid. Going out made him too nervous,”
“Even out front?”
Callie nodded.
“How’d you manage to get him to leave without you?” she laughed, her long tusks adding ferocity to her fanged smile.
“Tried to jump his bones,” she murmured into her cup, still a little deflated from it. “I don’t think he likes looking at my face like this…”
“That’s not it, babycakes,” Morn giggled, settling deeper into her chair.
“What?”
Morn looked at Callie, and sat forward with a grunt. “Has he been really fidgety lately?”
Callie blinked, and nodded.
“Moody?”
She nodded again.
Her dark, patterned hand rested over Callie’s and her leg started to bounce nervously.
Is he gonna break up with me again?
“He’s in heat,”
Her mouth opened, but then closed. “Heat… what?”
“You boy is hot to trot, but now ten times stronger and fueled by instinct,” Morn sat back again, flicking her sunglasses down as she kept vigilant surveillance over the house.
“Male Orcs go into heat?” Callie exclaimed. “He’s never done this before,”
“Probably never been around so many other big bros like this. It’s probably happened when he was younger, just different severities since you were… pregnant, and all…”
Callie pursed her lips, piecing it all together. “So he wants to fuck?”
Morn nodded.
“Then why doesn’t he?! He’s been avoiding me like i have the plague!”
“Cause you’re human, lambchop, he doesn’t wanna break you,” she snorted. “You haven’t been fucked until you fuck an Orc in heat- look,” she finished, quickly placing her mug down to move the back of her headwrap aside and shimmy her vest down her shoulders enough to display the deep bite marks covering the back of her neck. But it wasn’t just there- it was the scars covering her arms and shoulder blades, and some even on her throat.
“Oh my God-”
“Before you start,” Morn started, hushing a distraught Callie. “It was my husband. It wasn’t out of anger or anything, just exactly what munguz is going through,”
“So… they- they bite instead of fuck?” Callie stuttered, and Morn laughed out loud.
“It’s part of it, after they’ve kept you on the brink of stroking out during sex,” she chuckled, sipping more of her tea.
“That intense?”
She nodded. “That good. It’s worth it, but expect blood. There’s always blood,”
“And biting?” Callie asked, rubbing the fading one under her jaw.
“That’s a nibble compared to what he can do,”
Was it strange that excitement stirred in Callie’s belly, and she bounced her heel thinking of the kinds of things Nick was capable of in such a state?
“You naughty bitch,” Morn grinned, winking and flicking her nose in acknowledgement when Callie looked at her, her cheeks turning a few shades redder. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,”
“It’s kind of tempting,” Callie admitted, squeezing her thighs together when her legs crossed. “How bad does it hurt?”
She shrugged. “Their teeth are so sharp that you don’t feel it till their spit makes it sting, but Nick’s tusks are blunt so it might hurt more,”
“And the bite? Does it mean anything?”
“You're his. No other Orc will ever lay with you as long as you have a bite, but I can’t say the same about you humans the way you pass each other around…” she mumbled, winking again. Callie halfheartedly smacked her arm. “I’ll tell the others not to interrupt if we hear screams later tonight,”
“What if he’s ripping my throat out?”
“You’ll enjoy it even then, trust me.”
Callie kneaded her lower lip, avoiding the scabbed cut, and staring forward. What started as worry now ended in determination, and the smallest hint of hesitation. To think that Nick, who was already surprisingly talented in bed after a lonely life, had the potential to be even greater was almost daunting, but it was alluring.
She’d promised she wouldn’t beg him for sex until her next period… but she’d already broken that promise.
One more time wouldn’t hurt, right?
“You should head back inside,” Morn finished the last of her cup. “We’re gonna switch shifts here in a couple minutes,”
Callie rose, gathering both mugs again. Morn was mindful of her bruised cheek when she pressed her own against Callie’s during a quick hug, but stopped to hold her shoulders.
“Am I gonna find you dead in the morning?”
Callie snorted. “I’m tougher than I look, y’know.”
With another pat to her face, the goddess like Orc skipped down the steps, seemingly weightless despite the heavy boots upon her feet and denim vest, her wallet chain bouncing against her thigh as she strolled across the yard.
Callie struggled again to open the door with her casted hand, but successfully made it to his sink without a broken mug.
She padded across the carpet to the bathroom, and looked at herself in the wide mirror, moving her fringe back to properly inspect the status of her healing face. She groaned, reaching to pull her T-shirt up, but wincing again at the sight of her bruised stomach and sides. Softly, she slid her palm across her flat belly, down below her belly button where if she were still pregnant, a swell would start to soon form.
The shirt was dropped. It was still too much to take on in random bursts like that.
But a deep breath and her shoulders squared kicked her back up to where she’d been before: tempted as all hell to see Nick’s monstrous side.
“Gotta love distractions.”
↠
She kicked the blanket off her legs when she heard his familiar footfalls approaching the front door and she settled in time for him to walk in, double checking everything was locked before relaxing his posture.
“Hey baby,” he exhaled, leaning over the back of the couch to give her a quick kiss. She saw his eyes land on her legs; already working.
“Everything go okay?” she asked, pulling her knees up when he circled the sofa.
“Cleared to go back to work next week,” he told her, kicking his shoes off and pulling his hoodie off to leave him in his sweats and muscle shirt.
“Feel good enough to go?” she asked, withholding a grin when he pulled her legs into his lap and unconsciously started rubbing them.
“Dunno. I’ve come to like being a couch potato,” he frowned, squeezing her thigh before drumming his fingers against her elastic skin.
“Has he been fidgety lately?”
She smirked. “A shut in is more like it,”
“Not my fault we’ve had a psycho after us,”
“Hey I never said it was mensito,” she scowled, her knee tilting to hit his chest.
“I know- sorry,” he mumbled, patting her inner thigh.
“Moody?”
“S’okay,” she whispered, ever so slightly opening her knees and adjusting her hips. Nick’s eyes flickered over and then met hers.
A thick roll of goosebumps carried down her arms and legs when she caught his eyes dilating this time, his nostrils flaring as he scented her. The hand that was so gentle on her leg before was tightening, but Callie was the one to hook her knee over his so the blanket slid off, revealing the pair of royal blue panties he had bought for her long ago. He suspected that’s all she was wearing beneath the baggy sweatshirt, and his head fell back against the cushion, his eyes still locked with hers.
There was no escaping it this time, and that thought alone didn’t scare him anymore.
Fuck her senseless.
Nick swallowed. I want to.
“Tócame,” she breathed, her knee sliding up beside his pec. “Tócame todo,”
It looked like for a moment he would resist by the way his hands retracted, but Callie wouldn’t give up so easily.
For a short while, she could forget they were under constant surveillance or that there was a fucking lunatic out for their blood- that both of their faces had been beaten in. She wanted to return to familiarity and that meant being with Nick in a way she’d been with no other.
Fuck anyone who would try to disrupt that.
Callie could be incredibly nimble, proven by the way she was sudden sat in his lap, wiggling her hips so there was no space left between them.
He grunted when she tested the swollen member beneath her barely clothed pussy, wide hands holding her cinched waist as she held his face delicately.
“I know what’s been wrong with you,” she breathed, angling his face up when he watched his hands circling the crease where her thighs met her hips. “I can fix it,”
“Nothin’s wrong,” he growled, graciously accepting her kisses, a deep rumble resounding in his chest.
“You say that like you haven’t been avoiding fucking me,” she said outright, and his eyes faltered.
“I haven’t-”
“You have,” she said against his jaw, blunt teeth scraping down his neck. He let out a high-pitched whine as he curled a hand behind her neck to pull her hair aside, placing wet kisses along her pulse.
“We have to wait till-”
“You’re in heat,” she said, looking straight at him. “I’m starting my period soon and that’s why you’re acting skittish. That’s why you bit yourself,”
It took mere seconds for Nick to put everything together, and it was obvious. He’d gone through it in his 20’s- how could he fucking forget what it was like? Probably cause he’d never knocked anyone up before…
“So let me help,” she moaned into his ear, pulling her pussy slowly over his aching dick, her hips settling into a steady, gyrating motion that made his eyes pinch shut. Thick fingers dug into the silky smooth skin of her hips, and he looked down to marvel at the sight.
“We can’t,” he said lowly, his last shred of decency hanging on.
Slide in.
“What do you wanna do though?” she asked, her mouth against his cheek as he tried looking away. “Tell me what you want,”
Say it, you fucking coward- she wants to hear you fucking say it.
He grabbed her jaw carefully, his thumb pulling down her bottom lip.
“I wanna fuck you until you see double,”
She pulled her shirt off over her head, throwing it aside as his hands dragged up her slim sides, his thumbs pebbling her standing nipples while his palms pushed her tits together. “Keep moving,” he slurred against her chest. She held the back of his neck, whimpering when he bit down on the top of her breast harder than usual, but kissing the reddening flesh afterwards, his hands having dragged down her ribs roughly to pull her ass back and forth over his throbbing cock.
It wasn’t long before he yanked her upwards by the shoulders high enough to tug her panties roughly down her thighs, nipping at her collarbones as she clumsily kicked them off her feet. But before she could sit, his hand cupped her damp sex, a finger pressing between her lips to find her slick clit.
Callie moaned, her forehead against his as he dipped his middle fingers into her center the same time his tongue slid into her mouth.
He knew to stroke upwards in a come-hither fashion, and knew she would tremble and sing above him, but he didn’t expect her to grind against his palm, his digits sliding in and out of her heat.
“Fuck you’re perfect,” he gasped, watching with intensity as his girl danced above him, evoking the mightiest burn in his belly yet.
Say she’s yours-
His fingers left her and he made quick work of pushing his sweats down his narrow hips, using his thumb to push his dick down to align with her entrance.
Make her scream it- make her scream your name-
Four loud knocks on his door stopped them both and his head spun just as she had started to slide down him. But she was frozen now, her arms covering her chest and her eyes wide in panic.
“Nick-”
He hushed her, moving her aside and pulling his hoodie down over her body before urging her to stay put. She questioned what he was doing when he reached under the couch, but instead held a hand over her mouth when he pulled his Glock out, cocking it before holding it steadily between his palms as he moved to the door.
He crept up on the peephole, hesitantly looking through, but then exhaled angrily and unlocked the door with ferocity before swinging it open.
“Munguz,” Dorghu nodded, looking at Callie when she stumbled to Nick’s side, but still kept behind his arm. A slight waft of the air let him in on everything he needed to know, as well as the Orc behind him. “Didn’t mean to interrupt,”
Callie flushed, but Nick glared.
“What do you want?” Nick snapped, more vehemently than meant.
“Not to shoot you again,” he joked with a straight face, and Callie’s eyes narrowed, her head cocking.
“Excuse me?” she cracks.
“Don’t freak her out,” Nick grumbled in Orkish and Dorghu scoffed.
“Anything we talk about from here on out will likely do so,”
“Then don’t make remarks like that-”
“Hey hey, English,” she demanded, the back of her hand hitting Nick’s chest.
One of the Orcs chuffed quietly, and Nick’s chin raised, a louder one coming from him. Dorghu blocked their line of sight from one another.
“We have business to attend,”
“Like?” Nick asked impatiently.
“We found Gerrald,”
That halted Nick’s attitude and stopped Callie’s heart. She grabbed his arm for balance and he sidestepped, almost asking him to repeat what he’d said.
“Where was he?” Callie asked, clearing her throat when her voice betrayed her.
“Two Hands,”
Callie shuddered, holding her arms. “Creepy fucker,”
“Where’s he now?” Nick asked.
“At our warehouse, and I’m letting you decide what happens to him,” Dorghu answered, and Nick exhaled, leaning against the doorway. Callie eyed him.
“I’m a cop,”
“You’re also Fogteeth now. It didn’t stop him, so why should it stop you?” the scarred Orc asked, and Nick’s head retracted some, sighing heavily as his arms crossed, the gun still clenched in his fist.
“Hello I’m still here, what’s going on?” Callie asked, but Nick’s eyes were trained on Dorghu, flipping his words over and over in his thoughts. For weeks he’d fantasized of curb stomping Gerrald, so why was he so apprehensive now? After he’d tried taking Callie? What could he have done to her if no one had intervened.
His index finger tapped against the gun a few times before saying, “You’re staying here,”
“What-” Callie tried to ask, but Nick was already moving towards his room. “Where exactly are you running off to?”
“I’ll be back soon,” Nick said, already changing into jeans when she had followed him.
“I’m not staying here,” she argued, brows arched in determination.
“You can’t go with me.”
“Do you really think for one second I’d let you leave alone with the dude who shot you!?” she hissed, and he looked at her pleadingly, wishing for just this one time she wouldn’t fight him. He knew what would happen if she confronted him despite the anger he knew she held. Her panic would get the better of her.
“There’s a lot more to that,” he chose to say, pulling his muscle shirt off.
“Nick,” she ground out, on his heels as he walked to his closet. “Nick!”
“NO!” he snapped, spinning to face her. The bitterness was clear in her big eyes, but he held steadfast, fighting to keep this riled mask on. It worked; she stomped away from him and out of the room, and he heard the bathroom door slam. His hands dragged down his face, and after a moment of collecting himself, he yanked a jacket from a hanger and slipped his boots on.
He approached the bathroom door, knocking gently. “Cal?” No answer.
“I’ll be back soon, okay?”
Still no answer. He exhaled, unwillingly walking down his hall and to Dorghu who was still waiting at the door with a cigarette perched next to a tusk.
They lead him to the sleek, black Cadillac still running on the street, and Nick couldn’t help but wonder if this was all an elaborate scheme just to get rid of him. But he was already opening the back door, and was met with Callie’s gaze sitting across the seat, her arms crossed and still in his pull-over.
His jaw dropped. “How-”
“She’s sneaky,” Dorghu commented, setting himself in the passenger seat. Nick growled lowly and climbed in, slamming the door beside him.
“Why couldn’t you just stay home?” he snapped.
“Look what happened last time I wasn’t with you when I should’ve been.” she snapped back, her red eye and battered face rekindling a great guilt in his heart. Nick’s mouth closed and he leaned away from her against the door. That stung something fierce.
For once it was his knee bouncing instead of hers, and he was silently surprised at her level of tranquility as they drove deeper and deeper into Orkish neighborhoods, but she still peered out the dark windows curiously, her mouth sometimes dropped open when they passed a soaring church or an outlet still bustling with Orcs.
She leaned tentatively over by his window, but would retract when he looked at her.
Humans seldom wandered into Orkish barrios like this. It wasn’t even because they thought Orc’s were violent from birth- it was the humans own assumptions. Rumors often spread of the occasional attack, but Orc’s suffering under the hands of police brutality and discrimination were never heard of. But in neighborhoods like this, where even the police seemed to avoid, violence rarely broke out. Their way of life was undisturbed and they liked it like that.
It worried Nick bringing Callie in; he didn’t know how they’d react to her even if she was a sweetheart through and through, but the farther they moved from the busy streets, the more he calmed.
The lights became dimmer and sparser, and soon they were winding through empty streets lined with dark buildings and Callie’s curiosity had gone. She nervously glanced out of the window every now and then, her hands fidgeting in her lap.
Nick sighed and tugged on her shoulder, lifting his arm when she looked at him.
She slid over under his arm, immediately calming pressed against his side. He looked her over, his brows furrowing.
“You’re wearing pants, right?” he questioned under his breath, noting her bare legs, but she lifted his sweater enough to show her shorts beneath.
He nodded, looking back out the window as the car pulled before a wide warehouse sat at the edge of a loading dock beside the bay. “Sneaky thing.” he mumbled.
Nick held his hand out for her as they stepped from the SUV and didn’t let go as Dorghu and the nameless Orc beside him lead them to the warehouse, a cigarette still between his fingers, while he kept his eyes trained on the multiple Orcs standing beside the entrance, some brandishing the 79 jerseys while others wore the leather vests signifying their higher status.
He nodded when others acknowledged him, but started to feel annoyance prick at his skin when some looked Callie up and down, her being oblivious to it all.
The heavy door leading into the warehouse was opened and Dorghu motioned for the couple to follow.
Nick pulled her past the two standing at either side of the door, but still caught when a younger one, who hadn’t earned his number, leaned in towards Callie and scented her boldly, his teeth bared proudly when she flinched and looked at him.
The noise Nick made could’ve been a snarl, but it was booming, more like a roar as he forced his way between them and stood toe to toe with the young one, snarling back just as loudly.
“Evgeni,” Dorghu barked, his thunderous voice making Callie flinch again. Her hand was still clenched in Nick’s, watching him rip loud growls out like he was a lion. Nick chuffed once more loudly as the younger Orc lowered his head, stepping away when Dorghu approached him menacingly.
Callie watched with wide eyes from behind Nick’s shoulder as Dorghu followed his movements silently before pointing in her direction.
“Do it again,” Dorghu ordered, and Evgeni looked at him, confusion lining his face.
“I said scent her again!” Dorghu yelled, and Evgeni stuttered some before slowly moving to Callie, leaning in to scent her quietly this time as she leaned into Nick who in turn was growling loudly, his lips pulled back over his sharp teeth. This time he backed up quickly, his eyes still downcast.
“What did you smell?” Dorghu asked, but Evgeni only shrugged, swaying a bit. “What did you smell?” Dorghu hollered, and Callie flinched again, muttering ‘Jesus christ’ under her breath with a hand over her chest.
“Munguz,” he answered sheepishly.
Dorghu stepped beside him and they could see the distress on Evgeni’s face.
“And what does that mean?” the leader asked, and Evgeni’s angry, golden eyes flashed at Callie quickly before looking away.
“They’re mated-”
“You don’t ever advance on another Orcs pair. In the laws that stand highest in our clans, you are never to advance on another- Orcs- pair!” he yelled, his mouth close to his ear. “Even the roundtooth. You will learn before you ever wear our cuts.” Dorghu ended in a snarl, walking back to the open door and leaving the youngin distraught and embarrassed.
Nick pulled Callie along with a final chuff and they were lead into a massive structure full of storage units on either side, all marked in Orkish with various guards set about them.
They walked to the end, and before Dorghu turned to speak to three Orcs standing beside a half-open pull down door, Nick could smell blood. His nose scrunched and Callie’s attention was brought back before them when the loud metal door was pushed up.
“Go ahead.” Dorghu told him, stepping aside.
Nick hesitated and looked down at Callie, who was equally apprehensive. He let her hand go, squeezing the back of her neck affectionately before stepping before the opening of the unit.
He hung from chains clipped to the ceiling, his wrists forced above his head as he hung lifelessly above a growing pool of blood. The various used weapons around Gerrald told the story before Nick stepped close enough to see part of his beaten face and ruined clothing and resisted flinching when he found enough strength to look up at him with a heavy head, his one open eye landing on Nick.
“Still alive y’pig face’fuck?” he slurred, bloody saliva dripping from his split lips.
Nick was unmoving, his body tensed and eyes wide at he stared down at him.
Gerrald smiled, many of his teeth gone and gums ripped. “What? S’prised I’still look better th’n all of youse? All you blue skinned fucks?” he asked vehemently, groaning when his body jostled and wiggled against the taut chains.
Nick still stood, staring, and the longer he did, the more agitated Gerrald became. He tried standing, but his left leg bent unnaturally at his shin, causing a yelp of pain. He strained against the chains digging into his wrists, his broken body contorting and twisting.
“Make a move! Do it, you pathetic piece of shit!” Gerrald yelled, blood spitting before Nick. His fingers started to crack at his sides, his ire growing.
“Scared aren’t’chu? No matter what happens, ’I’ll be th’one to walk away,” Gerrald chuckled, his wide grin making Nick’s stomach roil. “You’re nothin’ but a stupid an’mal,” he went on, watching Nick move calmly away to grab a wooden bat at his side, and study its weight in his hands.
“You can’t do it,” he sneered, bloodily. “You couldn’ even sto’me from getting to Valeria-”
The bat was yanked from his hands, and before he finished turning, Callie had it swung back over her shoulder and whacking it into Gerrald’s ribs, a sickening, crunching cough exhaling from his body.
She did it again, the wooden bat smacking into his ribs, hips, knee caps- she hit him with every fiber of strength in her body, her wrist screaming in pain, but it all muted.
“Fuck you-” she uttered and swung again. Gerrald wheezed, his eyes wide in horror, his body twitching to move away. “That’s not-” another crunching swing, “My-” one to his side, “Fucking-” a weaker one; she was starting to tire and pant, “NAME!”
The bat snapped with another swing into his knee and she threw it aside, resorting to grabbing his hair and throwing her fisted hand into his pulp like face.
“You disgusting piece of shit-” she ground out, her cast bloodying as she slugged into him.
“Callie!” Nick finally moved to her, his arms throwing around her waist when he couldn’t grab hold of her lightning strikes. He lifted her away, having to spin to yank her hold from his scalp.
“I’ll fucking kill you! I’ll fucking rip you apart!” she sobbed, fighting Nick’s hold as he carried her away.
“Callie calm down-” he tried saying, but she was wild with rage, even throwing her elbows back at him as he struggled to silence her.
“Give her to me!” Matuk stepped forward, carefully snatching her arms so Nick could place her on her feet. She still protested, but calmed considerably when Nick was no longer around her. He watched her move away, tears staining her cheeks and steps uneasy.
He was speechless and unable to even move as he watched her, waiting for her to spring into action again, but when she followed Matuk down the hall, the tension in his frame lessened and he looked to the Orcs who were also watching her, their expressions all perplexed.
“Is he alive?” one asked, and Nick and Dorghu turned.
Gerrald was either beaten into a coma or dead judging by the way he hung lifelessly, the broken bat beside him.
“Strong girl,” Dorghu mumbled, and Nick looked down. Had she been hurting so badly?
“What now?” Nick asked.
“You don’t want a swing at him?”
He shook his head. “She did more than I ever could,” Nick sighed, rubbing the heel of his palm against his forehead.
“I’m still leaving it to you to decide what we do with him,” Dorghu stated, crossing his arms. “Drop him off on the side of the road? Drop him in the bay with cinder blocks around his ankles? Torture him with rabid Brezziks?”
“No,” Nick stopped. “Turn him in,”
Dorghu dropped his chin, looking at the roundtooth in an arrogating manner.
“He has a wife and children who deserve to know what a fucking monster he is,” Nick explained, and Dorghu shook his head.
“You can drop the cop motif when you’re here,”
“It’s not that. He took my family away but I won’t cripple his. I’m not like him,” Nick rumbled, looking at him with finality.
Dorghu was reluctant, but with a hard exhale and the lighting of another smoke, he nodded, both of them looking at Gerrald who sometimes twitched.
“I’d like to go home now.” Nick said, turning to find Callie.
Down the hall and around a corner he found her, squatting against a wall with her face hidden in her arms, her casted, bloody, and probably sore arm hung over her knee. Matuk was beside her, his lumbering form crouched down beside her and trying to offer comfort, but she didn’t move until Nick called her name.
Her head shot up, her red eyes finding his before she stood and walked into him.
He held her tight against his chest, hushing her string of blubbering apologies muffled into his shirt.
There was no need for fear, or unease, or tears anymore. The pain they’d carry about their lost family would follow them indefinitely, but the constant state of looking over their shoulders and their held-captive lives was gone. It washed over Nick the longer he held her, his fingers twisting in her hair as she latched onto him tightly.
It was finally over.
She remained under his arm again during the car ride, but this time with her arms around his waist, her face buried in his chest. With every mile put behind them, it was a great relief to know there would be no more attacks, and that they knew where he was and would be staying for now.
They made it to Nick’s house and as she walked to the front door, Nick thanked them, calmly, bumping forearms and agreeing that when they needed his cop connections, he’d do so willingly. It was the least he could do for payback.
The street cleared of SUV’s and Orcs, leaving them in solitude for the first time in nearly six weeks. It felt a little odd- the sudden lack of protection left him worried, but he was also confident that if anyone dared come after them again, he’d rightfully shoot them down.
With a final overlook of his street, he followed Callie inside.
He double checked his dead bolt, and took his gun from his kitchen with him into his room where he found he sitting at the foot of his bed, looking down at her cast.
The gun was returned to the bedside table, and he sat next to her, her form swaying.
“Hurts?” he asked, and she nodded, her thumb running over the stained blood.
“Gonna have a hard time explaining what this was from,” she mumbled. He craned his neck to look it over.
“Say you whacked an asshole in the face for harassing you,”
She scoffed. “Isn’t that what happened though?”
They looked at one another and his shoulders dropped when she pulled his hand into her lap, her small hands trying to envelope his.
“Are you okay?” she asked softly.
He paused, but then nodded. “Kind of messing me up a little, actually,”
“Why?”
“I thought I’d be guilt ridden and all frantic by the time we got home, but I’m surprisingly okay with how it ended up,” he explained, his mouth in a straight line.
“I’m sorry I stole your moment,” she said through the corner of her mouth. “I just got so fucking mad,”
“You needed that,” he told her, leaning to kiss her shoulder. “More than I did,”
She turned, her cheek bumping his forehead. His chin lifted to kiss her cheek.
“I’m still sorry,”
“Don’t be. Neither of us should be,” he declared with a loose nod, his ears twitching when she looked at him. “I just want us to get on with our lives,”
She grinned. “It feels like years since this shit started,”
He chuckled. “Tell me about it,”
His fingers plucked at the hem of his pullover he still wore, her jean shorts barely peaking from underneath. “If you keep wearing stuff like this around other Orcs I don’t know if I can fight bigger ones off,”
She giggled, a wide smile stretching across her face. “I know someone who could take care of that problem,” she lured, looking up at him past thick lashes. “But he’s being kind of a prude,”
His hairless brows pulled together, his lip pouting. “Did you forget that big ass Fogteeth came to the door?”
She giggled again, leaning to kiss him. His big hand came to hold her jaw, his eyes fluttering shut as he kissed her sweetly, the rampaging hunger from earlier starting to show it’s face again.
“Is this inappropriate?” he asked innocently, turning to crawl after her when she slid back towards the center of the bed.
“Extremely,” she kissed against him, pushing his jacket down his shoulders as he flung his arms to get it off. Next was his shirt that was yanked off by her and tossed aside and a chaste kiss before he pushed the oversized sweater off, leaving her in nothing but shorts.
He laid over her, bare stomach to bare stomach, her thin, toned arms around his neck and moving smoothly as he revered in her kisses.
When he took hold of the hair on the back of her head and yanked back to gain access to her neck, she gasped, but smiled, her skin erupting with pleasant shivers.
He sucked harshly at her pulse, a low purr resounding in his short breaths over her skin.
He released her when he moved lower, wet smooches down between her breasts and around her ribs, gently moving over the bruises littering her body. He pulled the shorts down quicker than she could lift her ass and she whimpered when he shoved his hands under her knees, pushing them to her chest so he could run his tongue flat up her wet cunt.
Long, drawn breaths were all she could muster at first, but moaned and held his forearms when he sucked her clit gently, pinning her legs forcefully when she wiggled beneath him.
“Nick-” she gasped, breathlessly, her hands falling against the sheets and gripping.
He finally released her legs and they fell over his shoulders, her hips rocking smoothly beneath his lovely assault. He touched her stomach and thighs, up along her ribs and over her round breasts.
“Nick,” she called to him, but he didn’t leave. She huffed. “Nick get up,”
A low growl came from him and moved over her as she arched high.
Her mind cleared enough to reach down and tug on his ears, eliciting a sharp hiss from him. He was above her in a flash, pinning her hands down beside her while he loomed over her.
“You’re being gentle,” she breathed.
“I’m not,”
“You are, stop it,” she ordered, and his eyes darkened.
She wants it, so do it. Fuck her.
Callie was flipped suddenly and he pulled up on her hips with her chest still against the bed. Thrill flushed her body, and she reared back, her bare ass pressing against his busy hands as he rushed to undo his jeans and push them down.
His rigid dick slapped down against her cheek, and he took the moment to gaze down at his size compared to her, and the way she moved her knees farther apart.
A shaking breath left his lungs.
Fill her up.
Callie moaned harshly when he shoved his way in, pressing tight against her cervix. She bowed when he pulled out and slammed in again, jolts of bliss shooting to every end of her body.
He groused loudly above her, pushing her cheeks up and apart to watch where he stretched her. His eyes heavied with every long thrust into her wet, tight core, an impatience growing in his stomach.
He grabbed hold of her arms below her shoulders and pulled back, leaving her hung in his grasp as he rapid fired into her.
Callie yelled and cried and smiled, her hair in her face and bouncing as he fucked her with abandon, grunting himself with every hard impact.
She exhaled his name and suddenly her arms were free and his hand was around her neck, pulling her up against his chest. He angled her jaw as he breathed heavily against her there, slowing to long strokes, his other hand canvasing her smooth form.
“I can feel you so deep,” she moaned, reaching up for him. “You’re in my stomach,”
He groaned, his hand resting over her lower belly, imagining touching her where no one else could or would. His grip tightened around her neck and she whimpered, her hands flying to his arm when he rammed into her again.
“You’re gonna stick another baby in me,” she gasped, and he whined, his grip again tightening.
Do it- fucking do it. Make her yours.
Callie was loosening in his hold and he pushed her forward, falling on his fists over her. The lack of oxygen made her hypersensitive, despite her vision doubling, she turned her head from the mattress, ready to sit up.
“Get on top,” he demanded, flopping down next to her and scooting back so he rested against the headboard. She was sluggish, but crawled over him, using his hands to stabilize herself. With a strong shudder, she slid back down him, meeting his darkened eyes.
“Ride it,” he said through clenched teeth, earning a languid nod from her. With hands against the headboard, she rode him leisurely, rocking and sliding, up and down, her neck craning back as he massaged along her body. He moaned and chuffed loudly watching his glazed dick become part of her, sitting forward to hold her tight against his chest.
Callie snapped her hips fervently, finding the position where he rubbed deliciously inside of her.
She cried out, doing it again and again, falling into a steady rhythm that made her eyes roll back.
Nick ravished her breasts, pulling her nipples between his teeth and licking her exposed flesh.
He stared down at the smooth, honey skin along the underside of her breast and he kissed there, listening to her climb higher towards her release.
He touched everywhere, admiring her perfect skin.
Her unmarked skin.
Nick kissed her chest, a hand sliding up to hold her hair again. She cried out, riding him harder.
“You’re mine,” he growled.
“I’m yours, baby,” she sighed, her hands falling to his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin. “I’m so fucking yours,”
“This pussy,” he slurred, glancing down at her sex. “Everything- say it again,”
“I’m yours, I’m yours,” she sobbed, sweat lining her body. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” she whimpered.
Callie shrieked when he bit down, his teeth breaking through the skin of her under boob and his arms wrapping around hers when she tried to move him.
Her blood could’ve been the elixir of the gods; his mind muddled and he lapped at her for a moment, taking in the exquisite flavor.
“Nick!” she yelled, finally getting him to let go.
He looked up at her and she didn’t recognize who she saw. Blood coated his mouth and lips and she could feel it dripping down her body, her breast starting to sting insanely.
There’s always blood.
He shoved her back, licking his lips and following her sprawled body, kissing roughly up her chest, leaving bloody marks up her neck and jaw. He settled between her thighs, and Callie moaned angrily when he found his way in, fucking her like an animal.
“Nick-” she ground out, dragging her nails heatedly down his back, evoking a loud snarl from him.
He held the sides of her neck as he fucked her, her feet hooked against his lower back as her climax came barreling towards her.
“Cum in me,” she gasped, holding his bloody face. “Put another baby in me, amore,” she moaned, her eyes pinching shut.
Nick watched her unfold beneath him, her hands flying to grip his rutting hips. She screamed and arched and became lifeless under him, her hold on reality fading as he dragged her orgasm out as long as possible.
When she was spent and barely able to hang onto his shoulders, he sat upright to bring her hips up.
Watching her breasts shake and his defined mark bleed while she looked up at him with hazy eyes brought him to his release, deep inside her pussy, exploding against her womb. He’d surely leave a bruise on her hips and his load seeped from her when he finished, pulling from her slowly to watch where-
Nick stammered, looking at her barely conscious face.
“Cal,”
“Huh?” she cracked, still working on evening her breath.
“You’re bleeding,” he said tensely, sitting back on his heels when she opened her eyes and forced herself up on her elbows, looking down at the blood covering both of them.
“Oh fuck,” she sighed, flopping back down. “You knocked something loose,”
“I DID?”
She giggled, shaking her head and hissing when her arms moved around her chest but aggravated the bite. “It’s my period, mensito,”
The haze was clearing in his head and the actions he’d made were weighing on him. He overlooked her brutalized body and guilt started to swarm him. The red marks from his murderous grip on her neck and hips, the blood, the way she ragdolled as she rolled over and tried to stand.
“Oh my god,” she blurted, rushing with shaking knees to the bathroom when juices started running down her legs.
“I’m sorry,” he muffled into his hands, completely and utterly ashamed.
He hesitated when she grunted, her eyes pinched shut and arms crossed behind her head as he carefully taped the gauze around the raw, red bite, trying to avoid taping her nipple.
“Doing okay?” he asked, his finger following the medical tape to make sure it was snug on her skin. She nodded, cracking an eye open to look at his work.
He moved so she could look in the mirror, turning this way and that to observe the makeshift band aid.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, almost too ashamed to look at her.
“I told you to stop being gentle,” she shrugged, pulling a camisole down her body carefully. “I’m sorry I started on you,”
“About that,” he started, leaning against the sink. “Can’t you get… pregnant? Doing it that close?”
She nodded, her lips quirking to the side. “I doubt it’ll happen though,”
His brows raised. “Did you not see the load I left in you?”
She snickered, stepped forward to wrap her arms around his lean waist. “Tryin’ to stick another one in me?” she asked close to his jaw when he leaned closer, and he groaned, pressing his face against her neck.
“Don’t start,” he whined, holding her firmly against him.
“Did you lose your mind when I said that?” she smiled, and he nodded, his blood pumping. “You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”
He nodded again and sighed, reaching between them to move his hardening dick up.
“How long are you in heat for?”
“If you keep egging me on the way you do, it’ll never end,”
“Oo lucky me,” she simpered, finally getting him to look at her. But he paused, holding her face in his big hands, his thumbs stroking under her eyes. In a couple weeks time, the bruises would be gone, and there would be nothing left of their attacker except nightmares that would surely last. Everything awful that could’ve torn them apart only brought them back together again and Nick found himself overwhelmed and awestruck.
“Why’d you stick around? After everything?” he asked, his voice wavering. “Anyone else would’ve left,”
“What kind of question is that?” she asked, holding his wrists.
“I’m serious,”
Callie held his face now, leaning on her tiptoes. “Cause I’ve never cared what anyone has thought of us. I don’t care what anyone says or tries. As soon as I saw you, I knew I couldn’t let you get away, Nick. If there was anything ever besides you, it would be a lonely life. I don’t want a future without you.”
His exhale was trembly, so he hid his inevitable emotional outburst in an embrace, burying his face against her neck as she secured herself tightly around him.
It was true- there was no future without Callie, not even if he found something remotely close to this with anyone else. He knew it in his bones, confidently and entirely. He would love her until his time was up and beyond.
“You still have to meet my parents.” he mumbled, and she giggled, patting his back.
THEY GOT THE BASTARD AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Only one chapter left before there's a break between part 1 and 2!! Thank you EVERYONE so far for sticking along, and I'll see you for the final chapter soon!! ;)
#bright#bright movie#bright fandom#bright fanfic#nick jakoby#nick jakoby fanfic#nick jakoby x oc#nick and callie#orc boyfriend#terato tag#terato writing#bell peppers#bell peppers trilogy#fogteeth#orc boy#fanfiction#morphinetune#archive of our own#ao3#orc romance#orc x human#bright fanart#monster boyfriend#monster love#reblog#morphinetune-art#exophilia#romance#romance writing
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1. Who’s your celebrity crush?
I don’t have celebrity crushes most of the time. I have people who I think are pretty and people that I admire, but I don’t have any of them that I crush on. Alongside my favourite voice actors (seiyuu), Emma Watson would definitely be up there. There’s something about intelligence that makes a person far more appealing.
2. Are you single or taken?
As single as they come! I haven’t even been in a relationship, and I don’t really have any interests in getting into one!
3. Rant. Just do it.
I’m nervous. I’m doubting. I hate this feeling in me. I feel so out of place, so uncomfortable, and it’s eating me on the inside. I wish I had friends in real life. I really wish I did, but it feels like I’m growing apart from everyone, and I’m pushing them all away because I can’t stand being reminded of my past, and I feel like every step I take is just a desperate attempt to get myself back on track, and I’m trying to be proud of myself. I really am. But I have a hard time acknowledging anything that I do. I never feel like I’m enough. I feel insufficient. I feel like I’m just a statistic. I feel inferior yet superior at the same time. My self-image is warped. I feel like I’m lying to myself and to others. It hurts. It hurts a lot, and I don’t want people to know but I do at the same time. It’s a pain unlike any other, and as much as I can say that I don’t feel lonely, I feel like there should be people in my life that I can call my friends, and I want someone that I can mutually call my best friend without them saying that they are just my “good friend”. I want to know that I mean the upmost to a person without feeling I’m burdening them. I want to be No. 1 at something.
I dream about chasing dreams like becoming a medical professional, but I continue to realize and face my shortcomings that would prove that I’m not really fit for it. I want to do it, but quite frankly, I’m too stupid.
I can’t even articulate what’s truly paining my mind. It’s difficult. I don’t know why my body and mind wants to destroy itself.
But sometimes, I think I fix myself better.
4. Do you think it's okay to separate the artist from the art?
Personally, I’m one of those people who usually say no to this question. Now, if you have weird kinks or like pineapple on pizza, that’s none of my business. I won’t hold it against you. However, I find it hard to separate when things are illegal or morally wrong.
Examples:
Net-juu no Susume was a really heartwarming anime, and it was one of my favourite anime that depicted a wholesome adult romance that unveiled many truths about the real world despite spending its time online, but I would’ve never watched the anime if I would have known that the director was a Holocaust-denier. The rest of the staff? I don’t know, but I felt extremely uncomfortable even reblogging content after I found out.
I was planning on watching Rurouni Kenshin, and to this day, I believe I’m missing out, but I cannot support or condone or even watch a series that has a creator as wretched as Nobuhiro Watsuki. If you don’t know, he was charged in February of 2017 for child pornography. He was fined 200,000 yen. It was a slap on the wrist. Even though Rurouni Kenshin wasn’t a reflection on his person according to fans, I don’t feel keen on watching a show created by such a man.
In regards to actors, this goes for them too. If they are not supportive of the LGBTQ community, if they are racist, if they have committed acts that are cannot be condoned, I wouldn’t want to watch them or anything. Again, I have a hard time keeping track of who’s actually clean in this world, and in Japan, there is a lot of covering up. It was recently revealed that a lot of Madhouse anime that people love were probably made at the expense of animators who are human beings.
5. How many accounts do you have?
I have a few.
@nsisbest385 - my main where I stockpile my music
@natsspammityspamspamham - This one where I am really open and reblog everything that I want to reblog (no exceptions; if I don’t even think about it, I just reblog)
@natsthinkitythinkthinkthonk - used to be for inspirational stuff/writing, but now it’s mostly seiyuu stuff. I post things for their birthdays. I should’ve made a separate account.
@semitranslatedseiyuublog - Where I semi-translate stuff but mostly transfer seiyuu content from Reddit.
@awkwardbsd - This account has more followers than all my other accounts combined. It’s for awkward screenshots, memes, and other stuff surrounding the Bungou Stray Dogs universe.
@dragontypepropaganda - I didn’t tell anyone this existed until now. I’m generally not on it. I just queue and leave.
6. How many pairs of shoes do you have?
Let’s see... uh... 1 for outside, 1 for exercise, 1 for my house slippers, 3 for orchestra that I never use, 2 dress shoes that I really never use, and I’m supposed to get 1 pair of slippers for outside.
7. Opinion on…
I don’t think I can answer this.
8. How many accounts do you follow?
9. Favourite brand of clothing?
I’ve been wearing more Uniqlo lately, but my wardrobe has a lot of hand-me-downs despite being so sensitive tactile-wise.
10. Name a dog
Atticus (boy) and Haruko (girl)
11. What unusual talent do you have?
I can whistle. I haven’t tried in a while, but I can put my feet behind my head.
12. What’s the most interesting school's gossip you’ve ever heard?
Keep in mind, I was only in school until grade 9-10.
One of my PE teachers Ms. Snow had really scary eyes. When she got mad at me (which is pretty frequent considering she didn’t know who I was and kept calling me by other Asian people’s names because “we look the same”), I swear her eyeballs would extend from her sockets a little. They looked like they were about to pop out of her head. My sister said that urban legend states that she once fell down the stairs and both eyeballs popped out. She put them back in and carried on.
13. Ever prank called a store?
I think I almost tried once until I got a scolding or something (wasn’t even my parents).
14. What’s your coffee order?
Don’t have one. I don’t like coffee. I’m generally open to tea.
15. What’s a question do you constantly get asked?
“How are you?”
I usually choose the easy route to answer to this question. I just say “good thanks”. You want the truth? I lie to myself.
“Why did you leave school?”
It was a living hell. I didn’t feel safe. I was breaking down years ago. School nearly broke me, and if I stayed there any longer, I would’ve died (not an exaggeration).
“What are your hobbies?”
I usually just say music and watching cartoons* (anime). They usually ask what else, and I just stare blankly.
16. If you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?
I wouldn’t want one.
17. Google the top song from the year you were born
Apparently, it’s How You Remind Me by *gasp* Nickelback.
18. Rant about your favourite musician
I seriously wish I was able to go to Sara Bareille’s version of the Waitress. I wish I was able to see it on Broadway. She’s such a talented individual, and she deserves all the attention she gets.
19. What’s your favorite teacher you’ve ever had?
All of my best teachers have been outside of school. I would say that my favourite teachers are my current bass teacher and my taekwondo master who has taught me for over a decade.
20. Describe your blog in 3-5 words
Fando(o)m, ranting, anime, seiyuu, random
21. What’s a conspiracy you believe in?
I believe aliens exist. I don’t think it would be logical to assume that Earth is the only planet that has “intelligent” (I say that very loosely) lifeforms.
“But they don’t have water or oxygen”
Bold of you to assume that said aliens would need such a thing. I would think they can adapt like humans and all that. I just think it’s dumb to close ourselves off to believing that there are people other than ourselves that exist in this wide and expanding universe.
22. If you could see any concert tonight what would you choose?
I would really want to see the Waitress. If that doesn’t count, I would want to see some seiyuu singing live. It would depend. Hosoya doesn’t sing much anymore, Maaya Sakamoto has a waitlist longer than my lifespan (I have no luck with lotteries), and Saori Hayami has the same issue. I would want to see Sphere live too, but I don’t know all of their songs.
23. If you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose?
My depression... or my anxiety. Actually, those aren’t habits. I guess the closest I will get is doubting myself and beating myself up.
24. Can you dance? Sing?
A strong no to both.
25. What’s something you can’t stop buying?
Uh… I don’t go out and buy anything. I don’t make money so I don’t buy. However, if I did, I would really want to treat myself to good food and anime stuff.
26. Crowds or small groups?
Small groups... obviously.
27. How long before a trip do you pack?
Depends on where. When it comes to the Philippines, weeks for the Balikbayan boxes and less than a week for my actual clothes (usually pack a ton of clothes because I sweat a lot and “we’re not doing laundry!”)
28. What celebrity would you rate a PERFECT 10?
I feel like I don’t have a good grasp of the culture so I actually can’t say anything about my favourite seiyuu. We don’t even know if that’s their true personality. However, I feel like my perfect 10s are Emma Watson and Robin Williams. They might not be my “crushes”, but they are perfect 10s.
29. What quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs?
“When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up!”
Nah man, you just don’t know what rock bottom looks like. It’s gonna get worse.
“Don’t fix what isn’t broken!”
All because you can’t see what’s wrong with it doesn’t mean it isn’t broken. Yeah, I’m talking about the school system.
“Pain makes you who you are. It makes you stronger.”
I can say that my trauma gives me anxiety.
30. If you had to dye your hair an unnatural colour right now, what would you choose?
I go by “Purple Dino” online so I’d have to say dark purple.
31. You can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing?
I wish I could breathe properly. My allergies make it so hard for me to exist. It affects my breathing, sleep, dental care, and so much more. I think that’s the one physical thing I would change.
32. How old do you get mistaken for?
Apparently, I look like I’m in middle school even though I’m almost a legal adult.
33. What do you think about a lot?
Anime, seiyuu, my own shortcomings.
34. Do you like your Hogwarts house or do you wish you were a different one?
I like Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. I haven’t done my test in a while.
35. What does home mean to you?
Home is where you live. It’s where the heart lives. It’s where you feel safe, and it’s where you can take off the mask that you live in during the day. It’s the place where I don’t have to lie through my teeth. I can cry, I can laugh, I can scream, and I can finally be me.
36. What do you think you’d be arrested for?
I feel like I would be caught for pirating anime even if I don’t profit off it.
37. Have you ever been called down to the principal's office?
I’ve been there, but I haven’t been called down there because I really wasn’t important in school.
38. Post a picture of the outfit you would choose if you could have any outfit you wanted
Probably a dark coloured hoodie with sweatpants. That’s my default during the winter anyway.
39. Describe your aesthetic
Tired dead eyes with existential dread and depression. That’s how I see myself.
40. Answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation
I’m not sure how to say this, but I was really not in the “right crowd” at school, and I was never let into any of these things. I can’t answer this, and it pains me just to read this because I’m missing out on so much of my youth and “high school life”.
I’m tagging @caratheillustrious who reblogged the questions!
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Do every single one from the danganronpa ask meme. All of them. Every question
HE HE HE…
obviously spoilers for entire danganronpa series under the cut, along with very specific character hate, a TINY dash of ship “hate” which should not be taken seriously, me being indifferent about characters you might like, and also me being fairly morbid. my opinions are all over the place! boy do i have a lot of them. some of them probably won’t be yours, because people can have opinions. all kinds of em! fascinating stuff. please oh please, let this post not somehow make someone start arguing with me because i didn’t put a thousand asterisks everywhere
1. Favourite game?
sdr2 is the best just like factually speaking
2. Favourite Protagonist?
i tried to answer this and my answers were “komaeda. wait he isn’t-- KIRIGIRI! wait no” so there’s that. i like all of them though
3. Favourite antagonistic character?
i assume this means the Rival characters right... i like komaeda and ouma. in my danganronpa rp server, i had my oc rob and also humiliate and cyberbully togami, and drew a squirtle on his stupid bald head because hagakure asked him to, so there’s that
if antagonistic also covers the characters who are murderers + masterminds/villains, then... ok gonna be real here? there’s only one character i am familiar with who i know i hate and it’s t*ruteru
4. Favourite character?
entire sdr2 cast (except t*ruteru), most of the dr1 cast (hifumi is gross, i don’t honestly care either way about leon or sayaka, and for clarification i like togami as a character but dislike him as a person), most of the v3 cast (i haven’t actually played v3 yet and once i do it’s probably gonna be more like all of them or all of them except one. i do know the general plot and characters, it’s just that i get way more emotionally invested when i actually play the game)
5. Best girl?
don’t you go making me choose...
6. Best boy?
the same as above except the answer is komaeda and we should all hurry up and acknowledge this
7. Favourite class trial from all the games?
i have multiple favourites but because it was the first one i thought of, i’m gonna give kudos to the third trial in sdr2. it was especially interesting because the murderer seemed obvious if you only took in the basic facts, but when you know what kind of person mikan is, it seems completely preposterous that she’d do such a thing-- which makes the solving of it all the more DELICIOUS... oh it was so good i loved it... the whole time i kept searching and searching for any answer other than mikan and coming up with nothing, and knowing that, i knew that it had to be her, but i couldn’t fathom the why and that alone was enough to keep me in doubt for ages... the very end when she starts to break down eliminated my doubt but my questions of “why” only increased tenfold and it made it even MORE delectable i fucking LOVE puzzle’s and mystery’s
8. Least favourite character?
i am physically incapable of summoning empathy for t*ruteru even with his sad backstory. i hope they tossed him in another volcano after the dr3 anime was over
9. Least favourite class trial?
i actually legit keep putting off playing v3 because i know who dies first and it makes me so mad
10. What would be your Ultimate SHSL Title?
HMM... i think i’d be a shsl ??? which i understand isn’t a real title but like... that’s sort of just... how it’d be, considering my personality and the existing characters i kin... later would be the reveal of my actual title, though i’m not too sure what it’d be myself. probably something like shsl detective, shsl writer/storybuilder, shsl puzzle/mystery enthusiast, shsl kinner of mysterious smart autistic bishies with pretty hair and ptsd... something along those lines
11. Favourite cast?
sdr2. next
12. Favourite Danganronpa 3 character?
the teacher, the large gay bodyguard guy, the small gay animator guy, and the chick who komaeda went to for his constipation issues
i don’t remember any of their names
13. What’s your opinion on the Danganronpa 3 anime?
forgettable but the parts with sdr2 kids’ school life is blessed and so is the happy ending
14. What do you think about Danganonpa 1 anime?
i saw it when it first came out and not once since. i will probably not watch it again because i prefer a more hands-on mystery-solving experience, even when i already know the answers
15. Your absolute OTP?
OUMAMI!!!!!!!!!!! IS CANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also komahina good
16. Your absolute BROTP?
sdr2 cast is all best friends. some of them are also dating but most importantly, they are all friends
17. Do you have an OT3? Which one?
i probably do but i can’t think of any serious business ones because i’m too busy thinking about a ship that came from rp called “horsepack” that consists of souda/momota/hinata
18. Favourite rare ship?
okay get ready for this: fuyuhiko/chihiro
it came to me in a dream once. fuyuhiko was like yo chihiro check this out and he showed her a box with a bunch of mice in there and she was like :O! and then the two of them just like. took handfuls of mice and hung out like that. it was good.
the laws of shipping fuyuhiko and chihiro are these: fuyuhiko is a trans boy and bi, chihiro is a trans girl and also bi, and they have to hold handfuls of mice together at some point
19. Who do you think is an underrated character?
i refuse to acknowledge the fandom for long enough to notice which characters are classified as underrated for the most part because i live in my own brain palace where i can love every character and that is all that matters. that being said, i think it is fairly obvious that hoshi from v3 is underrated just... factually speaking? people do not pay attention to him very much it seems but it also seems he is a good little man. i know little about him, but that is the technical definition of underrated, so that is my answer i guess
20. Who do you think is an overrated character?
again i don’t know if he even IS overrated in the fandom but i think leon is kinda boring. i don’t hate him or even dislike him necessarily because i don’t... care enough about his character for that... i could probably be influenced by someone who is passionate about him, but right now he’s just kind of existing
21. Favourite voice actor?
megumi ogata snatched me bald. megumi ogata didn’t even leave me with my scalp
22. Favourite talent?
shsl luck is a neat concept to play with, shsl adventurer is flat out aesthetically Pristine, shsl detective is fun, and shsl ??? is delicious and interesting even if it’s not a real title
23. Favourite mascot?
my brother got me a monokuma plushie for my birthday and the first thing i did was choke it. also, monokuma is hilarious and i hate his slutty little ass but love to watch it go, which is the same opinion i have about dimple from mp100
also, i’m really sleepy writing this and i don’t know what the fuck i am saying right now
24. Favourite Monokub?
i haven’t played v3 and i already know the answer is none
25. Least favourite mascot?
none probably? maybe?
26. Favourite execution?
okay this question INVITES morbidity so. like. i get to be morbid.
the ones that make me laugh the most are celestia’s and (look i was very sad but i can explain) alter ego’s because ... when i see them i can’t stop thinking about two specific vines. celestia’s execution is funny on its own but when i think about this fucking vine it gets worse and HERE. LOOK. I LOVE ALTER EGO BUT THIS MAKES ME GO HAM
the most brutal and ultimately chilling? leon’s, by far. it was EXTREMELY well done and sets the tone for the game so well
the one i like because the character deserved it? gee i wonder if it might be t*ruteru’s just can’t tell
and then there is only one that fills me with a sort of mysterious, enigmatic emotion-- very strong, but indescribable and neither positive nor negative. junko’s. really, junko in general elicits this emotion from me, she’s very interesting. what an excellent villain
27. Least favourite execution?
gonta didn’t deserve that and he definitely didn’t deserve such a weird-ass fuckin execution either
28. Favourite unused execution?
i don’t know any actually El oh el
29. Which character should survived in your opinion?
rantaro and ouma actually ARE alive and v3 is fake
oh also... all the characters i like. those ones should have lived
30. Which character would’ve deserved to survive?
hey i dunno how this question is different to the last one so i’m just gonna say that actually, you know how in sdr2 everyone is in a virtual reality and they’re shsl despairs being cured? the same is true in v3 and izuru also revives all the v3 kids. this is fact, and kodaka signed the rights to danganronpa over to me
31. Is there a character you think who shouldn’t have survived but did?
t*ruteru
also, realistically? like not because i dislike him. the opposite is true, i like him a lot. just realistically speaking. the fact that souda somehow survived sdr2 without dying seems almost unrealistic, not because anyone would have killed him but because he’s a dumbass
32. Least favourite protagonist?
none
33. Character with the best clothing?
take a wild kinnie guess
34. Best character design?
celestia, sakura, chihiro, sonia, gundham, gonta, touko, korekiyo, kirumi, chiaki, and junko
and once more, take a wild kinnie guess
35. A character who should’ve got more character development?
all of them lol
36. Character who looks amazing but you don’t like?
i mean. junko sucks as a person, does that count even though junko as a Character and villain is immensely interesting to me
37. Favourite minor character?
komaeda’s pet dog
38. Favourite eyes?
*kinnie answer*
39. Smartest murder plan?
once again, while it’s really obvious the most likely culprit is mikan, the DRASTIC contrast between her personality and the concept of murder ITSELF, let alone the way she went about it, is enough to cause some pretty goddamn severe doubt, though not enough for her to get away with it
actually all the murder plans from mikan’s onwards were really smart and very fun to solve
40. Favourite culprit?
(i count sakura and komaeda as victims, not culprits, and kaede and chiaki are also excluded)
culprit who as a character i just love dearly: gundham
culprit who made things the most interesting: gundham, mikan
culprit who offed a character i didn’t like: celestia
41. Person you’ve never expected to become a culprit but they became? (Doesn’t include Chiaki)
mikan, gundham, and... junko probably counts, eh?
42. Honest opinion on Tsumugi Shirogane?
she’d have a really bad twitter account with a smug anime girl icon and do nothing but post just the worst tweets about the worst anime. she watches sword art online and thinks it’s a masterpiece
43. Describe Monaca Towa in 3 words!
didn’t play drae
44. Describe Nagito Komaeda in 3 words!
kin me id
45. Unpopular opinion?
komaeda doesn’t deserve to be treated the way y’all treat him and i wish you BEASTS would treat him with any decency considering he’s actually a very interesting character but no y’all just gotta treat him like a meme. fingers in his ass isn’t even funny, man... it’s really not... it’s like the epitome of Haha Sans Undertale Cringe Epic XD why don’t you calm down and find a real jokes
46. Unpopular headcanon?
all of my headcanons are popular in my brain palace, so actually i don’t have any unpopular ones
47. A headcanon you have about a character?
i have a lot but i’ll pick just one... uhhhh oh how about this fuyuhiko and nidai are both trans men and fuyuhiko is a lil jealous/Self Conches because nidai passes better than him but nidai is actually extremely supportive of fuyuhiko and validates him every time they see each other and they become buddies
also, nidai runs warriormale
48. Favourite OST?
sdr2 island 5 theme
also enjoy the intro theme, dr1′s execution & hangman’s gambit themes and... like, a LOT of the music in general. excited on the Stonecold Jam front for v3 that’s for sure
49. Favourite mini game?
i assume this means the in-trial minigames....? i actually kinda like logic dive especially because it also happens in ace attorney which is hilarious to me, also the end comic thing? but that one is less about the minigame and more about the ART STYLE they use for it... it’s so nice
50. Favourite game design?
you know the bonus parts where it’s basically just a dating game and nothing bad happens? ign 10/10
51. Character you thought you were gonna dislike but loved in the end?
i can’t really remember, probably ouma just because i saw him and was like “oh god his hardcore stans are gonna be terrible aren’t they” but turns out he’s my little rat baby and his boyfriend is rantaro
52. Character you thought you would like but disliked in the end?
t*ruteru... what a disappointing little wretch...
53. Favourite game end?
sdr2 because everyone lives
54. Least favourite game end?
v3 is fake, refer to my above True Facts about how it’s actually in reality sdr2 again
55. Favourite love hotel scene?
i haven’t played v3
that being said i like how rantaro’s isn’t even remotely sexual or even that romantic at all but if i went into my rantaro headcanons/analyses that’d take way too long, also i’m only halfway through this thing and it has taken forever and i am so very sleepy
56. Best free time events?
basically all the sdr2 ones but ESPECIALLY komaeda fuyuhiko and gundham, i haven’t done the dr1 ones yet..., also rantaro’s
57. Character who should’ve lived longer?
rantaro
58. V3 Pregame! headcanon?
I THOUGHT THIS ONE SAID PREGNANT
59. Favourite moment?
EVERYONE GO AMUSEMENT PARK AND BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!
60. Saddest moment?
danganronpa existing
61. Character who looks like the love child of ???
this one is dumb and i’m starting to rush this because i wanna go to bed and play acnl til i pass out. also rantaro, n harmonia and kirumi are siblings in an alternate universe
62. Describe Mikan Tsumiki in 3 words!
good lovely wonderful
63. Describe Kyoko Kirigiri in 3 words!
good lovely wonderful
64. Which character seemed like they were gonna be a culprit but they wasn’t?
“but they wasn’t”...
fuyuhiko is my answer
65. Who did you never expected to die but they died?
when i saw komaeda’s body discovery my mouth was legitimately agape and i just sat there staring for a few seconds
66. Describe the last trial from V3 in 3 words!
didn’t play yet
67. Which character would you never want to meet in real life?
are you fucking kidding me have you PLAYED danganronpa even amongst the characters i love are ones i literally could not physically or mentally handle being around in real life for extended periods of time. if nidai came up to me screaming about shitting i’d cower like a tiny trembling mouse
68. Which character would you like to meet in real life?
sakura oogami... i can trust her
69. Choose one character which you would take with you on a trip.
sakura oogami again because i get tired easy and she can just like... carry me if my legs get bad
70. Character you would have a sleepover with?
chiaki, chihiro, naegi, sonia, gundham, gonta, twogami. silly but not overwhelming and the perfect crew for some video game fun
71. Character you can relate to?
komaeda rantaro we been knew
72. Character you can relate to but you dislike them?
i’m just gonna start responding to the questions i have no answer to with things i made in blender by mixing animations/textures or just fucking with the models to incredible results
73. Character who deserved better?
this is a funny joke question since the answer is obviously god damn near all of them
74. What do yo think of Hiyoko Saionji?
i like her. little gremlin girls are good
75. Describe Gonta Gokuhara in 3 words!
baby boy. baby
76. Favourite research lab?
77. What do you think of the fandom?
it was hell in 2013 and i know without a doubt it’s still hell now but i have the wisdom to avoid it
78. Favourite random/unnecessary scene?
part in dr3 anime where the sdr2 kids play video games in class together
79. Which character has the cutest design?
chihiro is just a little baby ...
80. Hope or Despair?
hope
81. Could you be the Ultimate Lucky Student?
my boyfriend gets mad at me almost every time i send him a screenshot of one of my 10/10+1 pulls in bandori or sif
82. Favourite chapter?
sdr2. just, sdr2. also final chapters of dr1
83. Least favourite chapter?
84. Which character do you easily forget?
mahiru... also it’s weird like. she was put in the game As a tsundere, but whenever i read her Tsundere lines it genuinely feels out of character for her, even though she’s literally in her source material. it’s strange
85. Could you be a Dangan Protag? Why?
no, because i’m WAY better suited to the mysterious assistant character who actually knows what the hell is going on way ahead of the protag lmao
86. Favourite Anthology chapter?
i don’t know if i should know what this means or not SO
87. Describe Peko Pekoyama in 3 words!
good lovely wonderful
88. Describe Mondo Oowada in 3 words!
domestic bakery au
(just think about it. just a little bread shop that he and ishimaru run as husbands. chihiro helps out there)
89. Least favourite Danganronpa 3 character?
i don’t think i managed to end up liking the guy with white hair despite dr3′s best efforts
90. Do you like Junko?
yes she’s interesting
91. What do you think of Monokuma?
he’s funny and i hate that he is. he sucks, but he’s great
92. Least favourite Monokub?
93. Did you like the Monokubs?
haven’t even played v3 but the answer is no. some freak in a server i was in cemented this dislike
94. Did you like the Warriors of Hope?
i am so fucking tired and it’s been like almost a year since i last played any danganronpa game i don’t know what this means
95. What do you think of Gundham Tanaka?
he’s perfect and looking at him fills me with happiness
96. Who’s an overrated character you dislike?
(i didn’t make this one but i was partly responsible for its existence also looking at it makes my fucking sanity drop like looking at the grunt for too long in amnesia)
97. Overrated ship which is your NOTP?
sai*uma is fake, oumami is canon and also, rantaro would treat ouma right and actually put forth effort to understand him
98. Outfit you dislike?
tenko honey i’m sorry but what on earth is with that skirt... also gonta please put some shoes on
99. Your absolute NOTP?
komaeda/any woman but especially junko what is wrong with people
100. Opinion on all the Protagonists!
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(This is what happens when I don't have my laptop)
This is the original article. Please read for their explanations.
https://screenrant.com/supernatural-dean-castiel-relationship-biggest-plot-holes-make-no-sense/
20.
Isn't really a thing. His was still talking to one angel. Joshua. In dark side of the moon, he confirms it. Who says the direct order didn't come from Chuck?
19.
Dean wasn't suspicious of Cas, Dean was suspicious, period. He's a Winchester, and if you remember the first person he accused was Sam.
18.
Correction, Castiel was in his celestial form. He spoke to Dean 10 minutes out of his grave, not hiding. Just not in a human vessel and able to communicate. Also, Pamela's eyes were burned out because she was trying to see Cas' true form. He warned her, both Pamela and Cas say that he warned her. Again, no Cas wasn't in his vessel yet. He was still convincing Jimmy to say yes. Otherwise, he would have appeared.
The only people who can hear angels are prophets and people who are part celestial being aka Jack. So Dean being human and all, not really surprising that Cas nearly fried his brain. This is my personal theory. Cas made the assumption that because Dean felt special to him and because he was the vessel that he could or should be able to hear him. However, the Winchester are simply men and Cas realised his mistake and went to get himself a vessel.
17.
Woah woah woah
Hold your horses.
Cas was being hunted. He literally had every Angel and his dog looking for his ass. He was not going to bring that shit to the Winchesters door. There is nothing he loves more than those boys, nothing. Dean was aware of this once Cas made the call. No abandonment simply Cas protecting Dean and Dean protecting Sam.
16.
*coughs* I will explain human relationships to you because you're missing the point. When people totally fuck up, in a biblical sense, those things don't simply go away. Sometimes people need space and perspective. Spending all day, every day in a high-stress environment with someone who is pretty much your opposite in every way is hard on the most balanced of individuals. The Winchesters are not the most balanced of individuals and occasionally they need distance. Cas, like a good friend, fills the space until the boys are back on track.
15.
Wait. So you're acknowledging that Cas was protecting Dean by leaving. Dean who can hold his own against vampires, demons, wraiths etc but will get munched by leviathans. Additionally, Cas would probably get his own ass munched because he'd be so worried about Dean he would become a leviathan snack. So maybe the best plan is to leave Dean (who is super capable at saving his own ass) and take the larger threat away. Yes, good plan Cas. Very well done.
Sidebar-Cas isn't spiteful. Not sure specifically what refusal to return you're on about but Cas was hunting Metatron for most of season 9 so yeah he felt responsible and yeah he'd be dealing alone because the boys have other shit on.
14.
Love dude. Love.
13.
You know Dean is human right? He's not Chuck. Sam was (as you menationed) going through a rough patch. Then there's family coming back from the dead, Eve, Cas having to go into hiding, alternate realities, time traveling but yeah he's got a second to notice that Cas is heading towards a bad choice with Crowley tugging his sleeve. Dude, what is wrong with you?
12.
You acknowledge that Claire has had a shitty life and now you're denying her a family because you think it's weird. Tell me how is this whole assessment not a) homophobic and b) mean as fuck. Let the girl have a safe place for the love of Chuck. Even if it started out as guilt, they love her and she's family now. She's got a family of people who get her and have her back.
11.
Every time one if them dies is acts as a catalyst, a reminder that they can die. Coming back isn't the point although Dean is kinda hilarious in dark side of the moon 'when I get back, I'm going to be pissed.' When they die, they don't take it for granted. It always feels final and those of us who worship this show feel every death as if its the first. Except for DSOTM which was just funny.
10.
Love dude. Love.
Just to clarify, Cas chooses Dean over and over. To Dean, Cas is the only person that chooses him above everyone, that's reason one why he lets things go. Then you have Cas hitting Dean's radar as innocent. Cas has this child-like quality that means he ducks under many of dean's trust issues (don't be gross) what I mean is when Dean meets a child he regresses. He becomes the person he wanted his dad to be. He is kind and forgiving and lenient. Adults usually don't get this side of Dean but Cas does. Hence forgiveness, always. Dean forgives Cas because his intention is always pure. He is always trying to do his best.
9.
Please see every Destiel article in existance. Thank you.
8.
*deep breath*
Cas is different. He has always been different, it is mentioned throughout Canon that Cas has always been emotional. Maybe one day they will address why, my personal theory is that Chuck made him that way, just a little bit more feeling than the others and when Cas touched dean's soul in Hell, it lit up his feelings like a Christmas tree. Additionally, Cas sees the Winchesters fighting, they fight and the for humanity, for each other and with them as his role models his moral compass stays slightly truer north than his siblings. Other nice angels include Balthazar, Joshua, Hannah.
7.
I hate to correct you (nah I dont, I love it) but there is no finite, no limitation on their forgivness and its predominantly because of their base personalities. Both Dean and Cas punish themselves more than anyone else ever could. So even when someone else hurts them its never as bad as what they do to themselves. In a way the physical beat downs they give eachother actually strengthen the bond. Every time they fight, one of them stops or walks away. They break the momentum because they love eachother. The love is what stops it, love is the forgivness and they will always forgive eachother because no-one can punish them more than they do. They are eachothers mirror, they see it. It's another reason why Dean forgives Cas so quickly because Dean knows how bad the angel punishes himself, Dean feels that because he does the same. So he forgives and will continue to do so.
6.
This is simply not true. Dean Winchester doesn't expect anyone to help him ever. He assumes that he is always alone. Exceptions include when Sam is hurt, he asks Cas. Also, if something is bigger and harder than him. If some mystical shit is going down or if angels are involved. If you have a magical being to hand who has aeons of experience then why wouldn't you ask, use, involve them? That's just making your life hard for no reason.
5.
It's called guilt. Google it.
4.
When you love someone, you try to protect them you try to do so even when the things they need protecting from is themselves or you. Yes its annoying and the boys do learn after the fact and yes its inherently frustrating when it takes several episodes for them to realise they should have simply told in the first place. However, for the boys of his a life long habbit that is hard to break and for Cas of his something he has picked up from them.
3.
Dean has fabulous control over his temper. See not killing his grandfather when he really really wanted to. Dean vents when the pressure boils up and over and usualky its relatively painless for those involved. He gets mad and then he gets over it. He's actually very quick to process his anger, unlike his guilt which takes much, much longer. Now Sammy, there's some pent up rage. Less so recently though.
2.
The darkness was messing with Dean constantly throughout season 11. There are multiple scenes where Dean gets a confused expression on his face when talking to Casifer but ultimately he's not sure if he's sure. Most of Casifer's interactions with the boys are brief because Lucifer knows they will figure it out. In addition, Cas says yes in episode 10 and Lucifer reveals himself in episode 14. So... really you're punishing Dean for not noticing in several minor interactions over three episodes. Rude.
1.
Yes they are.
@screenrant just fyi
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Tagged by @secretlystephaniebrown
1: Why did you choose your Url?
You know, I think a lot of people assume ‘Luanna’ is either my real name or a reference to some character (both very legit assumptions), but the embarrassingly boring truth is that it’s just a random name I started using online in my teens because I liked the sound of it. At this point I’m so used to it, it almost feels like a secondary name.
2: Any side blogs?
The only sideblog I’ve made in recent years is @arthurian-texts, which I abandoned after a short while because I’m the worst. But it’s still there! And I might get back to it eventually, who knows.
I also have a D.N.Angel-related sideblog that I’ve been meaning to start for ages and haven’t gotten around to, but I have the url saved and some posts ready to go, so it’s there whenever I do get around to it.
3: How long have you been on Tumblr?
Since September 2011, I believe.
4: Do you have a queue tag?
I’ve basically never used the queue in almost a decade on this site, so no! Once I have a post ready to go I don’t see the point in not reblogging it then and there. And I’m a meticulous tagger and meticulous about what order I reblog things in, so I can’t just throw stuff in the queue and let it handle itself.
5: Why did you start your blog in the first place?
I’d see a bunch of gifs and edits floating around on fan forums, and people would be like “I found this on tumblr!”, so I wanted to check it out. Embarrassingly, it’s the General Hospital fandom that originally brought me here.
6: Why did you choose your icon?
I’ve had a lot of different icons over the years, but D.N.Angel is one of my forever fandoms and the art from the new editions is GORGEOUS, so when these covers were released I decided to use this one. And we all know I unapologetically stan Satoshi, so really, it’s no surprise I’d use his. ;-) Plus I love how he’s DRAMATICALLY WHIPPING HIS GLASSES OFF.
7: Why did you choose your header?
I love Dick and Babs and I love Dustin Nguyen’s art, simple! He actually posted this as a WIP back when Li’l Gotham was coming out (it ultimately became this panel), and I loved it and ended up making it my header. I’ve had it for years now.
8: What’s your post with the most notes?
Far and away this post about redemption arcs, which is so funny because I didn’t even tag it. I honestly was just thinking out loud to my followers, and if I was trying to make some grand statement about redemption arcs I probably would’ve written the post differently.
It could definitely be worse, though. I know so, so many people who’ve had some random joke post go viral while posts they put a ton of love and effort into are basically ignored. So I’m glad at least my most popular post is something kind of thoughtful, and started some interesting conversations. And I do stand by my basic point. I think at the time I bought more into certain fandom rhetoric, and I definitely would take a less condescending tone about “woobifiers” if I was writing it now. And I’d definitely want to acknowledge more that there are a lot of different ways to write a redemption arc and it doesn’t always have to mean one particular thing. But again, I didn’t write it with the intention of this being taken as some manifesto about what I think redemption arcs should be, I basically wrote it off-the-cuff with what was on my mind. So I wasn’t as thoughtful or in-depth as I might have been.
9: How many mutuals do you have?
I’m not really sure! A good number of my followers are mutuals. Maybe 30 or so?
11: How many people are you following?
367!
12: Have you ever made a shitpost?
I mean, I wouldn’t use that term exactly, but I’ve definitely made some silly joke posts.
13: How often do you use Tumblr each day?
I honestly don’t even count it that way because I check in so often it’s basically one continuous thing.
14: Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?
I have had some drama in my day, unfortunately. The last time something like that happened was about four years ago, so hopefully that won’t happen again!
15: How do you feel about “You need to reblog this” posts?
My general philosophy is that no one is ever obligated to reblog anything. Some people use their blogs purely for escapism and that’s their choice. And for those of us who choose to talk about more serious issues, it has to be on our terms and to what degree we feel comfortable with. It’s impossible to talk about literally every bad thing happening in the world.
16: Do you like tag games?
Definitely! I don’t always do everything I’m tagged in, but I always appreciate the thought.
17: Do you like ask games?
Absolutely!
18: Which of your Tumblr mutuals do you think is famous?
Gail Simone used to follow me on my old blog, and I’m SO mad I can no longer say her. :-P But I think @marzipanandminutiae and @misskirby are pretty well known in their respective circles? (I’m still kind of in awe that Marzi follows me, not just because she’s well known but because she is so dang cool and intelligent.) And of course @aracle, although thankfully her days of being known as That One Voltron Intern are long over. 😅
19: Do you have a crush on a mutual?
Not really at the moment, though I’ve had various crushes in the past. (And of course, there was one mutual I dated for years, but that’s long over now...)
20: Tags
@clearbluewaters, @toalwaysbeme, @firefaerie81, @chonaku-things, @bluecoloreddreams, and everyone else i’ve tagged so far, if you guys feel like it!
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