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gotham-ruaidh · 4 months

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Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Chapter 3 (Dancing On Glass)|| Chapter 4 (Merry-Go-Round)|| Backstage (1) || Backstage (2) || Chapter 5 (Danger)|| Backstage (3) || Chapter 6A (Love Walked In) || Chapter 6B (Without You) || Backstage (4) || Chapter 7 (Stick To Your Guns) || Chapter 8 (Time For Change) || Backstage (5) || Chapter 9 (Take Me To The Top) || Backstage (6) || Chapter 10 (Home Sweet Home) || Backstage (7) || Chapter 11a (Nightrain) || Chapter 11b (Nothing Else Matters) || Chapter 12a (Handle With Care) || Chapter 12b (I’m So Tired of Being Lonely) || Chapter 13a (Angel) || Chapter 13b (She’s My Addiction) || Chapter 13c (Patience) Chapter 14a (Where Do We Go Now?) ||| Also posted at AO3

Chapter 14B: Where Do We Go Now?

Soundtrack: “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” Guns N’ Roses, 1987 [click here to listen]

Now and then when I see her face She takes me away to that special place And if I stare too long, I'd probably break down and cry

- Guns N’ Roses, “Sweet Child O’ Mine” (1987)

Tucson || July 1988

It didn’t matter what Colum or the label or anyone else said – all recording studios looked the same on the inside.

Sure, there were always small differences. The really comfortable couches at Sound City in Los Angeles. Electric Lady in Manhattan still had the really cool paint scheme that Jimi Hendrix himself had designed. Muscle Shoals in Alabama oozed coolness.

But this studio, whose name he couldn’t and didn’t care to remember, nestled down a back street in Tuscon was…tired.

Almost as tired as Jamie.

The “quick three week tour” had stretched to eight weeks, with no end in sight. Theater shows had been upgraded to arenas. Playing to thousands and thousands of ecstatic fans. Pouring their hearts out night after night after night, and squeezing in radio promos and sound checks and business meetings during the day.

Fucking exhilarating.

Everybody wanted a piece of Print – their music, their story. Jamie still hadn’t granted too many interviews this tour, but the press ate up every word he said about sobriety and music and forgiveness. Insatiable for details about the woman he had met in rehab, and written all the new songs about, and refused to name publicly.

Print was making more money than they knew what to do with. The label had sprung for a private plane, and nobody in the band missed the rickety and smelly tour bus (except Claire, because it was still all so new to her, which Jamie added to the list of thousands of reasons why he loved her). Their hotel rooms were bigger. Catering in the dressing rooms was much nicer.

Fucking exhausting.

So many people wanted a piece of Jamie every day. Ian and Angus, to run through the new material that just kept pouring out of them. Colum, to talk ticket sales and adding second and third nights in each city. The suits from the label, who kept finding them in Dallas and Kansas City and Detroit, slapping Jamie’s back and pushing terrible ideas for duets with pop stars or contributing to a movie soundtrack or pleading to do the acoustic set in a special for MTV.

And on top of that, some dirtbag reporter from the National Enquirer had figured out who Claire was, somehow got a hold of her personnel file from the hospital, and tracked down her shitty ex-husband for an exclusive interview. Splashed her life all over the tabloids, complete with very grainy photographs of the she and Jamie together, holding hands, on a rare day off in Nashville when he took her to a few honky-tonks. The one saving grace was that thankfully, nobody at The Ridge had said a word about anything about her time there, or the time they shared together.

Claire took it all in stride. She always understood. Holding him in the bathtub of their suite in Denver as he shook from another panic attack. Smiling over a three AM hamburger at a diner in Topeka. Whimpering as he came off stage in Atlanta, sweaty and keyed up from singing about her, hoisting her in his arms for a long kiss against the lighting equipment at side stage, heart stuttering to see his eye makeup smudged against her cheeks.

The man he was on the last tour – unhappy, unfulfilled, so deep in an addition he didn’t care to acknowledge – would not recognize the man he’d become on this tour.

“In ’86, we played seventy eight dates. We had a number one record. I bought my house, and my motorcycle, and my car.” Quietly he sipped coffee in their suite in Seattle, watching the city wake up, running his thumb over Claire’s shoulder as she settled against him in front of the window.

“You had everything you had always dreamed of.”

He snorted. “I was a mess. All I could think about during every show was how to find a girl or a bottle or a baggie as quickly as possible. And the crew would always do that for me.”

The crew respected his – and Claire’s – request for no drugs or alcohol backstage this tour. What the techs and roadies and production crew did on their own time, in their own hotel rooms, with whoever they wanted to – Jamie didn’t care. But for everyone to help with, to respect, his sobriety was a gift. And he never stopped saying thank you.

“If only those reporters could see you now – Jamie Fraser swaggering off stage for an Evian.”

He smiled. “And to kiss this beautiful doctor who for some reason keeps following him around. Because he loves her, more than any man has ever loved any woman.”

He wanted to provide for her. To shelter and protect her. To never leave her side ever again.

She didn’t need him to do any of that, of course. They’d talked about it many times. But she wanted him to do that. And the fact that she chose him, kept choosing him…that was why they kept going. Kept each other sober. Kept holding each other up.

They’d agreed that this time on tour was for her to understand this part of him – and to help both of them decide how and where they would live once the tour was done.

Which is why the radio silence from Boston, four weeks after mailing the letter from Philadelphia asking, politely, just what the hell was going on…was so fucking crushing.

The stress of that – and the grind of touring – did make it just a bit more difficult every day.

Thankfully Colum had scheduled a week-long break at the end of the month. Angus was already planning a trip to Aruba with the two groupies, who truth be told had grown on the rest of the band. Ian was planning to spend the week with his wife, Jamie’s sister Jenny, and their kids.

And Jamie and Claire – well, they’d be getting married.

Only a few people knew, with good reason. Ian and Jenny, of course. Alec and Faith, in New York. Colum. Dougal MacKenzie and his wife Gillian, who had helped both Jamie and Claire so much at The Ridge. Uncle Lamb, who would officiate. And Claire’s friends Joe and Gail Abernathy, who had quite literally saved her life by getting her to The Ridge in the first place.

The service would be simple. Exactly what they wanted – what they needed.

And after that…well. They would truly be husband and wife.

But there was a lot to do – a lot to take care of – between now and then. Not the least of which was, wrapping up this recording session.

The time laying down acoustic tracks in Philadelphia last month was very well spent. They weren't so rusty. But the guys were eager to hear the songs in electric form. And since they were in Tucson, and Colum knew Bobby Higgins – who not only owned this studio, but who had also produced that really killer Ratt album in ’84…

“OK, Jamie.”

Jamie took a deep breath, and looked up through the glass at Bobby, hunched over the console in the control room.

“Ready for take two?”

Jamie looked left, to Angus – and right, to Ian.

“Yup.”

“OK – this is In My Veins, take two.”

Jamie grit his teeth.

Caught Claire’s eye in the control room.

She smiled.

He relaxed.

Angus counted in on his drumsticks, and then started the heavy beat like they’d discussed.

Four bars – and Jamie’s guitar and Ian’s bass joined in.

“That was really, really great, Jamie.”

Claire handed him a new bottle of water, cap already twisted off. He drank it in four deep gulps.

“I know you’re not shitting me. So thank you.”

Quickly she looked over her shoulder – Angus’ cheeks were being loudly kissed by the groupies, and Ian played around with his bass, and Colum and Bobby were deep in conversation in the control room.

“Where are you?”

She had pulled him away before, when the panic attacks were coming, and he knew she’d do it again right now if needed.

He wiped his mouth with the back of a sweaty hand. “About an eight out of ten.”

“Do you need a break?”

He met her eyes. “I need a meeting. Been thinking about my old friend Jack Daniels all day.”

“Did you see something?”

He sighed. “I’ve only played electric a handful of times since I got back from The Ridge.” He looked down at the gorgeous Stratocaster strapped across his chest, fist flexing. “I got this guitar because the black tone and white trim matched the label on the bottle. Stupid, I know. But it’s all I could think about today.”

“Not stupid. We’ll deal with it. You should call Alec. And I can find you a meeting.”

He leaned in, and kissed her forehead. “I love you. I’ll call him. And I need to sell this guitar.”

She nodded. “We’ll find a charity.”

He kissed her again. “I love you.”

She kissed him quickly, and returned to the control room.

Grateful that Jamie had turned away to talk to the guys, when Colum tapped her on the shoulder, and slid over an envelope postmarked Boston.

“Mail call. Do I want to know?”

She shook her head, folded the letter, and slid it into the back pocket of her jeans. “Is there a Yellow Pages I can borrow?”

#outlander #outlander fanfic #jamie and claire #little bit better than i used to be

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h-c-u · 1 year

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No longer a secret pt 4

Summary: The one with goodbyes and introductions.

Pairing: Toto Wolff x fem!reader

W/C: 6.7k (i don't know what happened, but I can already say that the next one will be shorter)

Rating: PG, age gap

TWs: none

A/N: Not me finally having to set the story in time and realising I fucked up the dates, because I wrote the first part as a favour, knowing exactly 0 things about F1. Nope. Couldn't be me. (so yeah, the qualis FOR SOME REASON were on Friday here, with the race on Sunday. I will not be taking any notes about that cause I know I fucked up.). Also - protective Toto, my beloved <3 Also also - a fair warning - I am sick. So this part was written in one sitting mostly by fever, stuffed nose and proofread by my lovely cough.

Taglist: @crimeshowjunkie, @omgsuperstarg

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | List of tags | Playlist for the series

He didn't have to say anything for you to pick up that this moment of serenity was about to end.

- You have to go, don't you...? - you were the first to break the silence and he sighed.

- I told them I'll be in the motorhome in an hour, and well... It's getting pretty close to that. But... I was hoping that you would come with me to officially meet everyone. And we could swing by your hotel after the meeting. - you turned around so quickly, that you almost strained your neck. Objectively - it was a logical next step, even though you've already met most of them in passing, but never as a, well... not-a-reporter. - Unless you're not ready yet, then I completely understand. - you loved that he even took that under consideration because even though you just announced it to the whole world, he understood how big of a step that was.

- No, no, no... It's not that. It's just... I might need some time adjusting, so my first reaction might be still influenced by muscle memory, you know... I still might look over my shoulder to see if anyone is there, I might take away my hand when we're in public... - you started to explain. - And it will have nothing to do with you, I just have to unlearn a few things that I've carved into my head over the last year. And I might need a few reminders every now and then. - you gave him a soft smile, and he pulled you closer as if he wasn't the one who said you should be going.

- Then I will do that... Every now and then, that is... - he placed a soft kiss on your lips. - I think I might actually enjoy it. - you chuckled softly and took a deep breath, inhaling the subtle scent of his cologne.

- Sounds very reasonable, but let's go now. You don't want to be late, Cariad. - you ran your hand through his hair, ruffling them up a little, so they'd have more volume. He looked handsome in every rendition, but when he was more casual... it just did things to you, and he knew that; that's why he didn't even bother to change whatever you did.

You got up first and offered him your hand to help him get up. He didn't need it, but even a few seconds of touching you were too appealing to pass on.

- I'm going to grab my bag and I'll be ready. - he finally got up and you could feel his hand sliding over your body because he didn't want to let of you just yet, but he knew he had to. Besides, it's not like you were saying goodbye forever. The bag was already packed with the necessities in the other room; a habit you developed, because you never could find everything in the morning, so it was easier to gather all you needed in the evening and have it ready to go when you were about to leave.

He was ready to go when you returned to the living room. Even though it was the middle of July, the weather was awful, but it wasn't currently raining, so you didn't take your jacket with you, since this time you knew you'd be able to hide somewhere under the roof in case it started raining. Besides - if it did - you were hoping to steal Toto's again because the perspective of being surrounded by his scent was more than appealing.

- Oh, I almost forgot... You should have your own. - he said just before you left. He took a key card to the room from his pocket and passed it to you, while you stood there confused - I requested one in the morning, before the gym, but then things happened, and... yeah. Anyways - you should have your own since it's going to be your room too. - somehow this small gesture seemed more meaningful than the fact that you agreed to move in with him because it was so obvious that your brain chose not to think about it... But he did.

- Thank you... - you finally recovered from a temporary shock, took the card from his hand, and put it in your bag. Somehow, he managed to prove to you time and time again, that you didn't have to think of and do everything alone, and even after a whole year of being with him - it still surprised you, because, throughout your whole life, you never had that kind of support from anyone else; in the end, you were always alone. And with Toto... you simply weren't.

On the way to the elevators, he wrapped his arm around your waist, and you put yours on his hip, only letting go when you got to the car, where his hand quickly found yours again. For some people, this amount of physical contact might have been excessive or overbearing, but for you, it was never enough, considering that for the longest time, you couldn't even look at him too long without risking rumors, so this change was something you were more than excited about. Sure, you were still in the car, which was in the garage, but the knowledge that you simply could start doing those things in public was enough.

- Should I know anything before I meet everyone? - you asked when you were getting close to the track, finally focusing on what was about to happen.

- Not really... You already have them at a disadvantage, love, because you've listened to me talking about them for a year. All they know about you is that you're damn good at deceiving. And that you're a great reporter. - he chuckled lightly, bringing your hand to his lips just to place a soft kiss on the back of it. - You have nothing to stress about. - just as he was finishing, your phone started to ring, and you had to dive in to see who wanted something from you.

- Good afternoon, Ms. Y/l/n, I'm calling from the Silver Hotel about your checkout. The cleaning staff went in and it seems like you haven't vacated your room just yet, is that correct? - oh how much you wanted to swear and scream, but you knew that what happened wasn't the concierge's fault, so you just took a deep breath.

- Yes, that would be correct. I apologize for that. I assume there is an option for a late checkout in your offer. I would be happy to cover that fee. - your tone of voice changed so much from your regular, that Toto looked at you surprised; but that's what happened if you were dealing with customer service after working in customer service, and before you went into journalism - you had to earn money some way.

- Yes, of course. - you heard some clicking on the other side of the phone. - I see that this room is still under the Network's account. Would you like me to add that fee to the standing bill? - and you just knew that the concierge knew exactly what was going on. You couldn't help but smile, because that's what happened when you were unproblematic, nice, and tipped well.

- That would be perfect, thank you so much for offering. I could be there in about half an hour, maybe a bit more, would that still be within the late checkout? - you asked, and Toto looked at you with a question in his eyes.

- Not a problem, Ms. Y/l/n. Yes, the late checkout is till 2 PM, so you would be more than fine. Is there anything else I can do for you, ma'am? - he asked, you denied, and that was it. Only after the call ended you sighed heavily, just as you were pulling to the track.

- I have to go back to the city, to get my things from the hotel because my wonderful former employer canceled my room with today's date. - you explained when Toto stopped the car in front of the first gate.

- Bastards... - he mumbled barely audibly, but you still heard it and saw his hand tightening on the steering wheel.

- It's not that bad. The concierge was super nice, and they'll charge the fee to the network’s account. So, I'll get the taxi, get my things, leave them at the hotel and be back in what... About an hour, maybe a bit more. Would that be ok? - what you meant was if there would still be enough time to meet everyone, but it seemed like he understood your words differently.

- Nonsense. You won't be overpaying for a taxi this weekend, and considering how long it will take for one to get here... Just take the car, it'll be much easier, and you'll be back quicker. - he said it so casually. It wouldn't be the first time you drove his vintage Mercedes, but it would be the first time without him in it.

- Are you sure...? - you asked, and he just smiled, a little bit amused by your unusual lack of confidence.

- Of course, I'm sure, Schatzi. I trust you. - he smiled, and got out of the car, leaving the keys in the ignition. It took you a moment to gather your thoughts again, to the point where Toto was able to get around the car and open the doors for you, and only now you were hit with the cacophony of sounds coming from the other side of the gate.

You took his hand to get out of the car and he pulled you closer for a kiss he had to lean in for, even when you stood on your toes.

- This is me... - he whispered in between the kisses. - Reminding you... - you felt him smile and you couldn't help but do the same. - Every now... - your hand easily found its way onto his back. - And then. - he dragged the last one as long as possible, and you couldn't help but flinch when you heard the camera’s shutters opening and closing from afar, even though you didn't know if any of them were pointed at you two. - It's ok. - he added, immediately noticing that something was wrong and pressed his forehead to yours, so you could calm down quicker. - We're ok...

- We're ok. - you echoed with a weak smile that didn't reach your eyes. You couldn't shake the feeling that what you did a couple of hours ago was a bad decision and the consequences will be bigger than you expected. - See you in a bit. - you stole one last kiss, and he finally let you go, so you could get around the car and get behind the wheel.

You were glad that he didn't leave first and waved you goodbye until you were out of eyesight because you hated watching him walk away under any circumstances.

The ride to your original hotel was quick and uneventful, although, in the beginning, you were stressing out more than you expected. But eventually that feeling disappeared and you pulled in front of the building and passed your keys to the valet. As soon as you did that, your phone started blowing up with notifications and requests for comment from people whom you worked with only in passing. You will definitely have to get a new number since instead of reporting on the news, you somehow became one. You muted your phone, choosing to deal with all that mess later.

You quickly entered the hotel and went to your room, but before you managed to open the door, you heard a familiar voice calling your name, and when you turned, you saw the whole crew that came with you to the GP.

- Hi guys... - it was hard for things not to get awkward because just yesterday you were all talking about your plans for tomorrow's race. For a good moment, you all stood there, just staring at each other in the hallway, but someone eventually laughed, and the atmosphere immediately changed.

- Congrats on getting out! You gotta give us some pointers on how you managed to do that so quickly! - the same friend you were talking to this morning finally broke the ice. You were working closely together because it was hard not to be in constant communication with the commentators, and under those conditions, it was impossible not to become friends.

- Sure, sure... You got it! Do you want to come in and talk while I pack? - 7 people in a small room would definitely be crammed, but it was doable; you all knew that from the experience.

- No way! Have they already kicked you out? That was quick.

- Yeah... And I found out from the hotel because I kind of assumed I'll have time till tomorrow. I mean, I was still going to leave the room today, just... you know... later today. - you finally opened the door and let everyone in... Two commentators, three camera operators, one drone operator, and you. You weren't sure who closed the door, but as soon as they did, the questions started, even before everyone sat down anywhere there was space to sit.

You were expecting it to be awkward, but they seemed genuinely happy for you, even though some questions were wildly inappropriate, but considering that you were traveling together for a good part of the year, it was hard not to get close. You often talked about private topics and technically it wasn't any different, except for you it was, because you were serious about Toto. And as soon as you expressed that, they dropped it down a few notches.

- Oh, yeah! Have you heard who will be sent to take over? - you shook your head, while you were closing the zipper in your suitcase. - Fucking Jenny.

- Oh shit, I'm so sorry guys... - you couldn't help but laugh. - Especially to you, Nat... - you gave an apologetic look to your ex-camerawoman, and she pretended to be shot in the heart, all in good faith though.

- You know I know how to make her look worse on camera, right? - she laughed, and everyone joined in. - I was making you look so good because you have some heavy blackmail material on me. - another wave of laughter rippled through the room.

- Ehhh... I'm gonna miss this, not gonna lie... - you sighed because it was true. Whatever the Network was doing, you had your people there... People who were there for you in good and bad times.

- It's not like we'll stop being friends. And! Since we most likely will be covering F1 till we die, we'll still see each other. – you weren’t sure who said that, but it was true.

- You know you can always visit us, right? And you know, maybe smuggle some good snacks for us from the VIP lounge. - Gabe, one of the commentators said and pulled you into a hug, with such force, that you fell on the bed with them.

- Deal... But I got to go, I promised I'll be back on track asap. By the way, why are you all not there? - you sat back up.

- Because we don't have a reporter...? - well now the answer was obvious. There were no races today, so no need for commentators, and nothing interesting to film, besides interviews. - So, we have you to thank for a day off work, a great parting gift. - Nat gave you a radiant smile. - By the way, I still can't believe that you were able to hide it for a year, because I saw you interviewing him up close so many times, and I didn't clock anything! Even now, knowing that you were with him - I can't pinpoint the signs!

- Yeah... We really tried to think of everything, and to be honest - I still think it was worth it because the info is out for what... Two hours? And I already had to mute my phone because it turned into a vibrator. Social media, people from other networks requesting either a comment or an exclusive. Like, I knew people were recognizing both me and him, but this... This is excessive, and I really hope it will die down soon. - you sighed heavily, letting Gabriel play with your hair like he did so many times in the past. - And with it being a secret, we had the opportunity to learn whom we were together without our every move being overanalysed under... - there was a knock on the door. - ...the microscope. Yes?

- Ms. Y/l/n, I'm sorry to interrupt. It's 2:15 PM. Is the room ready to be vacated? - the unfamiliar voice asked through the closed door.

- Yes, I'm so sorry, I'm leaving now. - you replied and the crew got up and out with the speed you recognized from them packing the gear so you all could go and party. You were the last one to leave the room with your suitcase, remembering to slip a tip for the cleaning crew.

Your friends walked you to the elevators when they gave you one last group hug.

- I'm really glad we had a chance to do this, guys... - you whispered, not minding at all that you were being smashed in the middle of the circle.

- Yeah, you take care of yourself, ok...? Be careful and don't forget about us. - you laughed, trying to hold back the tears that started to gather in your eyes.

- Never. Even if I wanted, I couldn't. Too much blackmail between all of us. - you joked and finally stepped into the elevator. You waved them goodbye while the doors closed, and only when they couldn't see you anymore, you dried the tears and made sure in the mirror that your makeup didn't smudge because of that. It, fortunately, didn't, so when you stepped into the lobby, there were no signs of sadness. You returned the keys to your room in the reception and got your passport from the concierge, whom you recognized from your conversation before, so you made sure to thank him again and give him a huge tip because he definitely deserved it.

The ride back to the track was calm again, although getting out of the city took you a moment due to the sheer number of tourists and fans of F1, but as soon as you got to the open road, you put on some music and just enjoyed the ride. Despite it being an older car, it was still in great condition (which could coincidentally be said about its owner), and the engine pleasantly purred when you were handling it just right (which could also coincidentally be said about its owner).

Only when you got to the gate you remembered that you don't have any kind of pass or ticket with you, which meant that you were a bit stuck, so you shot a quick message to Toto.

"Hey, I'm back in front of the gate. Don't have a pass. Help please...?"

"Still in a meeting. Sending someone to get you."

The reply came almost immediately and while you waited, you started chipping away at the mountain of messages you were getting, mostly with just 2 words "No comment". But then you got to the notifications from different websites because of course you did. You will have to turn off the alert with your own name at least for a bit, because it looked like gossip sites found their next victim, and it was you. You still couldn't wrap your mind around how it happened because you were just a reporter. With a loyal following, but still. Your name was never mentioned in mainstream news, in a non-professional way, and now... Ehhh... And even though a few titles made you laugh (especially the one called "Little Red Hood and the Wolff", because you never thought that your red flowy dress would be a reason for such a header), you still turned the notifications off, because you knew from experience that reading about yourself wasn't exactly healthy.

When you heard the knock on the window you jumped and dropped your cell, because even though you were expecting someone, you got so deep into what was happening in your phone, that the outside world stopped existing.

- Hey Y/n, can I hop in? - Valtteri asked and you couldn't believe that Toto chose to send him. You were expecting an assistant, or literally, anyone else from the team, definitely not the driver.

- Hi! - you gave him a huge smile through the window. - Sure! - you quickly moved your bag from the front seat to the back, so he could have a place to sit. - Good to see you again! - you said when he was in the car.

- You too. - even though he was smiling, there was this nagging thought in the back of your head. It was the first time you saw him not in a professional capacity, so maybe you were just imagining things, but you still made a mental note to keep an eye on him. - Here's your ID, and you can get almost anywhere you want around the track with it, not counting other teams’ motorhomes and garages.

- Thank you so much for getting that for me. - you took the pass from him, put it around your neck, and started the car again to finally get to the track.

- Not a problem. By the way, I'm kind of jealous that he lets you drive this car... I asked so many times to take it for a spin… - you chuckled a bit, but you weren't surprised.

- Yeah, sometimes I can't believe it too... How are you by the way? - you drove up to the gate again and showed your fresh ID to the security guard, who checked something on his computer, but as soon as he saw, who was in your passenger seat - he instantly stopped and let you through.

- I'm good, thank you for asking. - and there it was, that feeling again. After all your years in journalism, you could tell when someone wasn't telling the whole truth, but you didn't know him well enough to dig deeper. Maybe one day...? - How about you? - he flipped the question on you, while you drove in the general directions of motorhomes.

- In the middle of a shitstorm I caused, but I don't want to scream or cry every 5 minutes, so I think I'm handling it pretty well. - this time his laughter was genuine, and you smiled.

- Yeah, you kind of sprung this on everyone, and people still have trouble believing it. Although Lewis is bragging to everyone who will listen, that he already knew. He didn't, did he...?- you couldn't help the laughter. Valtteri was surprisingly easy to talk to off-camera, but you couldn't help but wonder, how much of that was rehearsed behaviour and you couldn't wait to get to know the real him...

- Sorry to disappoint, but he did. - Bottas mumbled something in Swedish, which you suspected was a swear. - Not by much, but yeah. He found out yesterday after the qualis. - you offered a bit more information.

- Are you kidding? He's making it sound like he knew for months! - you couldn't help but laugh when you finally got to the familiar outline. Technically you were never inside any of the motorhomes, but up until yesterday, it was your job to know where everything was.

You reached back to get your bag and both of you left the car, and you double-checked if it was for sure locked.

- Well... I can tell you when we made it official between us... If that would make it even. - the driver opened the doors for you and with a gesture showed you which corridor to choose.

- I would love that. - he seemed genuinely excited to know more than his teammate, and you chuckled at that competitiveness.

- It was right after France last year, literally right after the race and right before my interview with Lewis. So, you can rub it in his face just a little bit. - you smiled, and his expression was more suited for a pirate who just found a cave filled with gold, but after a moment he got confused.

- Wait, I thought Toto said that your first date was in Berlin...? - Valtteri wanted to clarify.

- It was. Wait! You watched my live? - you were genuinely surprised.

- The whole team watched it on TV! Our PR and social media teams were pissed that they weren't informed about anything because they're kind of in crisis mode right now. - he laughed, but you didn't; you knew how intense managing this sort of news could be.

- Oh, shit... I didn't even think of that. I should have... I’ll have to apologize to them. - you said in a bit more serious tone, making a mental note about it. - But yeah, since all the teams were slowly getting to Austria, there was no chance for someone to look for either of us in Germany. So, we stayed in Berlin for a few days, went on a road trip to Prague, and then flew in to meet with everyone on track. - you got to the correct room just as the meeting was ending, at least that's what you assumed, because everyone was closing their laptops.

- Thank you for that! Can't wait to rub it in his face! - and then it finally clicked. You knew exactly how and what he felt, how could he not...? But you didn't want to talk about such a serious topic in the middle of the corridor, just as you were getting to know him. But soon...

- Just not too much! And Valtteri...? - you said just as he started to walk away after accomplishing the mission of delivering you to Toto, but he turned around. - Take care of yourself, ok? - he looked confused for a second, but very quickly shook it off and replace it with a smile.

- I will! - you knew that wasn't the whole truth.

- Pinky promise? - you asked, extending your little finger in his direction, masking your seriousness with a burst of small laughter. You could see the hesitation on his face when he looked at you, trying to figure something out.

- Pinky promise. - he eventually said in a much quieter voice, but he wrapped his pinky around yours and you shook on it. - See you around, Y/n! - and just like that he was back to his happy, bubbly self,

And that's exactly when Toto saw you through the glass doors and invited you in with a gesture.

- Hi everyone! - you put on a giant smile while you pushed the door and entered the room. You recognized few of the people on the team, but definitely not all of them. There were a lot of greetings at the same time, so you weren't exactly sure who said what, but Toto immediately pulled you into his lap as soon as you were within reach, and placed a soft kiss on your temple. You couldn't help but notice the surprise on a some faces, and you wondered if it was the first time they saw their boss this affectionate with anyone.

- So, most of you know who this lovely creature is... - he said, bouncing you a few times on his knees, which made you audibly laugh. - What you guys might not know... - he wanted to continue.

- They might... Apparently, the whole team watched our live together. - you cut him off with a quick comment, and by the look on everyone's face - you were right.

- Oh. - his face dropped as if the consequences of going public just got to him. - You were right then, Schatzi... The news indeed travels fast. - there were a few nervous chuckles from the team, but Toto quickly composed himself and started introducing everyone in the room, and you couldn't help but notice that they were either engineers or in aerodynamics.

Overall, it was nice, but meeting so many people at the same time still felt a bit alien. Even though you remembered the names, all the facts about them started to merge into one blob in your head, and you felt a bit bad about it because you cared, and you wanted to remember everything correctly. They were meeting just one person, while you already met at least 25, and that was not all.

Because after the engineering, Toto took you to PR and socials, to which you apologized profusely, and even though you saw how much work they had on their hands - they were super nice about it. They only asked you to make an official post with them and after good five minutes of brainstorming the ideas, and Toto looking super confused the whole time, the suggestion of using a "Nobody's gonna know" sound won, and you quickly let them film you mouthing the lines, so they could use it later when they'll have all the material.

And just as you were about to move on, Joanna came in and introduced herself without prompting, and asked you if you had your passport with you because she'll need to add you to the jet manifest for the next trip, which was apparently another thing Toto already thought about before you. Fortunately, you had it in your bag, because you just got it back from the hotel, so you passed it to her, and after a short "It's nice to meet you" she was gone, and you couldn't help feeling more and more like you made everyone's job much harder, and all that during race week.

Before you managed to spiral down deeper, Toto took you to the garage, where there were even more people to officially meet, and fortunately - down here - not every name and face were brand new, because you knew them from doing interviews around the pit, even if only in passing. But you had the chance to finally speak with them a bit more, and when you got to a young build component logistics coordinator, you instantly clicked, and Toto had to pull you away because you very quickly lost track of time. But before you went, you quickly exchanged numbers with Georgia; she was the first one from the team whom you did that with, but you couldn't help yourself. And as soon as left the garage, she sent you the pictures of her cat, exactly as she promised.

- You're going to have to make me a cheat sheet so I can learn everyone's name because right now I'm not sure I remembered even half... - you laughed quietly when the gust of fresh air hit you.

- Or you could just talk with everyone and get to know them naturally over time... - he chuckled, pulling you closer, to the point where you had to grab him not to lose your footing. - How was the checkout, by the way, everything went smoothly? - he asked when you started guiding him to the place you parked.

- Yup, no issues. I even got to say goodbye to my crew, which was nice... I didn't realize how much I needed it until it happened. - You pressed your cheek against his shirt, searching for more affection, and then you heard someone calling Toto's name. You instinctively turned that way, but all you saw was the camera flashing. You could hear the swear leaving your mouth, because you realized what was about to happen and it was already making you sick, so you quickly dove into your bag in search of the car keys; fortunately you weren't far away and Toto could just tell that something was different, even though he couldn't exactly name it, because until now his experience with journalists was tame. Sure, they got in his face with the cameras, but never to the extreme.

But this was no journalist... This was a fucking paparazzi. You realized that immediately when you saw that he was alone, with no crew, just a camera with a giant lens and even more of them fastened to his belt.

- Toto, we have to leave. Quickly... - you whispered, putting the keys in his hand, and when you looked over your shoulder again, the paparazzi was already running in your direction.

One look at you and Toto knew you were serious, so he placed a quick kiss on the top of your head, trying to calm you down. And even though you were trying your best not to show any fear in your expression, it started bubbling under your skin. You knew it wasn't rational, you knew you wouldn't get hurt, and you knew - if it came to anything - Toto would take the brunt of it until the security would arrive, but you couldn't help it. You witnessed it too many times to be ignorant of what could happen in the worst-case scenario.

As soon as you got to the car, he opened the door for you and made sure to close it before the paparazzi got closer, so he wouldn't be able to shove the camera right in your face. You heard the questions asked and they made your skin crawl, but Toto calmly circled the car, completely ignoring the camera and saying that he was not commenting on that at this time. He was cool, collected, and professional, and it calmed you down a little, especially when he got in the car and very quickly adjusted the seat without saying a word. He gave your knee a gentle squeeze before he turned the key in the ignition, and just as he did that, you noticed more paparazzi running in your direction.

The first one was blocking the front of the car and was still taking pictures and screaming questions, but Toto quickly put the vintage Mercedes in reverse and started driving away. He had to slow down when he got to the swarm of photographers trying to get a shot, and you slowly got surrounded to the point when it was hard to move even centimeters in a desired direction without hurting the vultures around the car. You subconsciously reached for Toto's hand and gripped it tightly with both of yours, while he did his best to maneuver the car in the direction of the gate to the sound of camera shutters and the flashing lights. You did your best to keep your expression neutral, but you were shaking with fear, your usual confident self currently forgotten; it was the first time ever you were in this type of situation, and even when you were with the press, you always condemned this kind of behavior.

But then the wave of anger overtook you. It wasn't normal. It shouldn't be happening. Neither of you deserved it.

You quickly unlocked your phone and even quicker started an unannounced live stream. Only a few seconds had to pass before people started to flood in. You were careful not to show Toto's face because this wasn't about him. This was about those bastards who were attacking you. You've waited a full minute before you said anything, but the comments were already on fire, getting furious right there with you.

- Someone asked me earlier today why we waited so long before sharing the fact that we're together. This is exactly why. Not because we don't respect you, not because we’re ashamed, not because there were any restrictions on either side, but because of this kind of people. - you made sure to show everything that was happening around the car. - Don't interact with this type of media because this is not journalism. This is assault. - you've added and you continued to stream without saying another word, and you felt Toto's hand gently resting on your thigh, and when he looked at him, there was a soft, comforting smile on his face. And that was enough to calm you...

You continued the live stream in silence for few more minutes until the security showed up and dispersed the crowd. After you ended streaming, you cross-posted the 7-minute video on all of your platforms and put your phone back in the bag.

You wanted to say something, to apologize, but you got the feeling, that if said even one word, all that anger you were currently experiencing would disappear and you would break. And you weren't ready to do that just yet, so you covered Toto's hand with your own and let his thumb glide over your skin.

You couldn't help but wonder if revealing your relationship to the media was worth it... The impulsive thoughts entered your head again, and even Toto's calming presence couldn't stop them. The relationship itself was something you could never regret, not in a billion years, but shining a light on it...? It was something that started making a spiky nest in your brain and filling it with doubts. Wouldn't it be better to just wait? At least till after the race, or even better - after the season, so neither of you would be so accessible, because now - everyone knew where both of you would be. Well, not every single minute, but during the races, and it was enough to get to the both of you. How long will it drag? How quickly people will get bored? Will you have to face the same treatment back home, or will it die down after the season? Or was it just a fluke and it won't happen ever again?

You didn't even register when you got back to the hotel, because the dark thoughts were clouding everything else. Only when the door on your side opened, you realized where you were. You took Toto's offered hand, but instead of reaching for your suitcase, you pulled yourself closer to him and wrapped your arms around his torso, while his chin rested on the top of your head, and his hands were gently running over your back. All the emotions finally spilled out in the form of tears you couldn't stop. Neither of you said a word because you simply didn't have to.

He knew exactly why you needed to do that, and you didn't have to apologize, because he wasn't blaming you for anything. It took you a few minutes to eventually stop the silent sobs, and he moved his hands to your face, to dry away the tears his shirt didn't manage to absorb.

- We're ok. - he said, and you gave him a weak smile.

- We're ok... - you echoed the thing you said every time something serious happened, because no matter what - you two were going to be ok, and it was enough to either push you to fight or to calm either of you down. And it worked wonderfully. He placed one last kiss on your forehead before you let him go.

You were just about to get your suitcase and bag from the car, but he was already doing that. He didn't tell you that he loved you very often, reserving it only for special occasions, but he showed it to you in everything he did, and it was much more powerful than any words.

You took the bag from him and put it over your shoulder, but he kept the suitcase in one hand, wrapping the other around you, and you did the same, hooking your thumb through a beltloop on his pants, only letting go when you were in your room again.

He didn't even take out his laptop this time, even though you knew he was itching to go over the graphs a few more times before tomorrow. Instead, he proposed watching a movie, so you wouldn't start thinking about all this craziness again because he knew that you eventually would, and he wanted to give you a few more moments of peace.

Both of you slipped into something more comfortable and while he was ordering popcorn from the hotel kitchen (which you thought was crazy, but it's not like either of you thought about buying it in the store), you chose a French romantic comedy about a secretary who took part in a typewriting contest and fell in love with her boss while training for said contest. And Toto didn't even bat an eye when you quickly summarized the plot because he simply didn't care; and as long as you were happy, he could watch a romantic comedy with you, and even make comments about the plot.

But the thing was... When the movie started, there was still adrenaline in your veins from before, and only when you were in his arms, your body started to relax and come down from that overdrive. And with Toto's warm torso against yours, and his gentle touches wandering mindlessly over your skin, you finally felt safe enough to let everything else go, and you didn't even realize that you fell asleep to the sounds of soft music from a dance scene coming on the TV.

Part 5

A/N 2: Please don’t feel obligated/pressured to reblog, because I write mostly for myself. A comment would be appreciated though :) Love, G.

#my writing #Toto Wolff fanfiction #Toto Wolff x reader #🖤#📏#No Longer a Secret by G.

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velvet-vox · 10 days

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THE Yugo defense post.

I am (hopefully) very confident in saying that there are probably a lot of these types of posts lying around, but since the argument has never been truly put to rest even after the show's finale, I feel like it's truly time for someone to give his own two cents again and take a stand against Yugo's haters, because by Osamodas that child cannot catch a break.

(Also I haven't seen season 4 but I know a couple of things about it, but I will focus mostly on 1 to 3 plus The quest for the six Elatrope Dofus).

So I am going to start this post by talking about my own personal character arc in learning to love Yugo, because oh boy, it was a wild and unexpected journey for me. Now, I, personally, am someone who tends to prefer villains and antagonists over heroes and protagonists. That's not uncommon, plenty of people are like that, no, I don't want a spinoff that turns the villain into the protagonist because that would make them less interesting as now we need to learn almost everything about them in order for the story to keep our attention. Therefore, as you can imagine, Nox was my selling ticket for the show. I got the small, almost non existent hype around him and it got me interested. Season 1 ended, it was a banger, but at the time, all I got to think about was Nox and how much I was grieving him. I didn't really think about anything else regarding the season, all I got was him and his arc. I needed a way to overcome the grief, so eventually, I learned that season 2 also had a pretty good villain, so I said "hey, let's use the possible trauma caused by this new baddie to overcome the trauma caused by the previous one" and started watching season 2. Love love love Qilby. And I am going to bring it back up later, but the season 2 finale is the definitive moment where I became invested with Yugo and got deeply interested in him. Eventually, when I watched The quest for the six Elatrope Dofus, I was just deeply in love with him, rooting for him at every turn, and generally, just cheering the guy.

And then.... there it comes season 3. My Iop. I was already spoiled by the fact that season 3 was disappointing, so I kept my expectations as low as possible, but sweet home Alabama I was not prepared at all, if the season had just been bad I would have called it a day, but no, the season is wasted potential at its finest, so many incredible ideas rushed and fumbled, Oropo would have been my favourite villain in the show had he been written better and preplanned, he feels like the Bradford Buzzard of Wakfu and his Brotherhood is its F.O.W.L.

However, while the writing took a nose dive in season 3, I started to realise something that I didn't notice before: damn, I really care about the main cast. Not just Yugo. All of them. This is something that distinguishes Wakfu from other shows: most of the time, writers focus more on making the protagonists immediately likable and interesting, which makes sense, as they are the cornerstone of most stories, but Wakfu differs in the way it endears us to its cast since I didn't feel like the show made a great effort in investing us to the protagonists in the first two episodes, they introduced their personality, quirks, and characteristics, but they didn't show us their struggles beyond Pin Pin's quabble with Rubilax, and this creates the ripple effect later on in the show where you become surprised in your backwards investment of their journey, because that's not how the story started with and yet you can clearly discern their development quite a lot.

And this brings us to Yugo, whose Wakfu untraditional deuteragonism creates a weird case of main character where, the actual season focuses on Tristepan and his journey, but since Sadlygrove is also his own worst enemy with the exception of Dark Vlad, the actual main villain of the season is a foil for Yugo and develops him into a more mature individual.

Which, finally, brings us to the main reason of hatred from some (fake) fans: the villains. The villains in Wakfu tend to be very complex and compelling, while in contrast, Yugo stays mostly static and simple before being confronted with said opponent; then for specific cases of flandarized vitriol, we have:

- Yugo did not try to talk out Nox from his plan nor did he console him, which led to his demise (Pure evil).

- Yugo willingly locked Qilby in the White Dimension again with full knowledge of the reasons why Qilby did what he did (Jerk).

- Yugo accidentally (but not really) created Oropo which caused insane damage to the world of twelve and created all of the problems of the series up to this point (Meh. Still an absentee abusive father).

- Yugo limited himself to locking up the Necromes to starve for eternity rather than killing all of them (Ok).

And I am going to run through each and every single one of them.

- First: Yugo did not know anything about Nox but he killed off Grougaloragran earlier on and his Time Razor just killed Yugo's friend a couple of minutes before their fight, which led Yugo, a child, to his very first fit of rage and did not esitate or waste time to attack Nox, a dangerous murderer who wanted to steal his hat. But when he finally realised what Nox's plan was, he told the Sadida warriors to back off, but since it was already too late for him, Nox left the battlefield of his own volition and ended his life.

- Second: Qilby was a great bastard. A complicated and caring one, but a jerk nonetheless. And yet, Yugo knew and deeply felt that even he didn't deserve to be in the White Dimension, one of the most cruel and gruesome fates any villain could face, but he had no other choice, because if he didn't do that, Qilby would have destroyed the world. And even then, later on in the series the thing that Yugo hated Qilby the most about was not anything that he did, but rather the punishment that he forced Yugo to inflict on him.

- Third: Oropo is just a freak show of a writing mess that I can't even point out how much Yugo is to blame for his condition, at least Yugo feels bad about the Eliotropes, so there, Yugo feels empathy.

- Fourth: Sorry, didn't watch season 4, but again, I assume it was like a binary choice like season 2, Yugo is definitely more of law enforcer despite his carefree nature, he was destined to become King and he just accepts it, in contrast to Amalia's rebelliousness and lack of a forced incoronation (opposite attract each other).

Amalia's going to die one day, and Yugo's going to live for thousands of years and never abolish or question the monarchy. It's sad, but his existence is pretty sad.

As for people claiming that Yugo's an overpowered Gary Sue, I'm sorry but as long as a character faces struggles in any meaningful way then you can't claim that they just break the narrative.

#wakfu yugo #wakfu osamodas #wakfu nox #wakfu qilby #wakfu iop #wakfu oropo #wakfu percedal #wakfu amalia #wakfu season 1 #wakfu season 2 #wakfu season 3 #wakfu season 4 #duckverse #ducktales 2017 #ducktales bradford #bradford buzzard #character analysis

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mha-cuties-pls · 2 months

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Alleyways and Avenues.

Part 2 of 4 | pairing: Dabi x Reader | rating: T (language, themes) | genre: suspense

Read ‘Part 1’ here.

Read ‘Part 3’ here.

You soon fell into a comfortable silence walking down the alleyway; He was guiding you by leading the way slightly, but you stayed close to his side.

Looking up at him, you watched the way his shaggy black hair flopped slightly with every step he took, and the way it seemed to shine so brightly under the sparse street lights. “Do you dye your hair?” You finally squeaked out.

He turned his head back to look down at you, and you saw a small smile curling on his deliciously plump lips- not that you were looking or anything.

“On occasion.” His smooth voice hit your ears pleasantly, “surprised you noticed.” Turning his head back around, he trekked forward a few more steps in silence while he shoved his hands inside his pockets. It almost looked like he was trying to think of a way to say something, but you beat him to it.

“Why did you help me?”

And as soon as the words left your mouth, he immediately stopped walking, and just stood there facing away from you for a second, in silence; declining to answer. At least at first, so you decided to ask again, “why would you help me if you didn’t have to?”

Finally, he turned around to face you, and while you weren’t necessarily expecting anything, the look on his face surprised you.

“I wasn’t helping you.” He said rather plainly.

His expression lacked in emotional investment, and the aloof look in his eyes seemed to come on all at once. It was mildly startling, but you didn’t feel any ill will directed towards you so tried to remain calm.

You stared up at him in silence, trying to decipher the moment you were in. Both of you simply stood facing each other in the dark alleyway, waiting for something to happen next.

Though he seemed to break the tension that was building in the air by throwing you a small smile, which, you hate to admit, made your heart skip a beat. “You don’t know who I am, do you?”

Your face must’ve twisted up into a funny expression at his inquiry, because he laughed a bit at your innocent response. “No, am I supposed to?”

The air around you two suddenly turned light and warm again as you felt his demeanor softening once more. “Not necessarily.” The dark haired man took a moment to lock eyes with you while you walked, and you felt your heart race for some reason as he stared into your eyes with his strikingly beautiful blue ones. Though, he averted his gaze down with a smile still on his lips, while he began to lead you down the alleyway again. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Why were you walking around back alleys past midnight in the midori prefecture?”

Which was a fair question; the midori prefecture is known as one of the most dangerous in Japan due to prolific crime and poverty that seems to mark the territory. But now, it seems as if it were your turn to be tongue-tied.

Staying silent, you stared up the man walking in front you with apprehension; the way you played the next few moments could be a matter of life and death.

What you were doing in that area so late at night wasn’t exactly legal, nor respected. If you were to admit this to the average citizen, there was a great chance you’d be putting your own freedom at risk.

Though, this man was obviously no ordinary citizen; He was also walking around that same prefecture past midnight, and had this certain air about him that felt as far from organized society as it could get.

But that’s also what scared you- he killed someone in front of you mere moments ago, and he admitted that it was not for the purpose of any benefit to you. He was planning on doing that anyway, so who’s to say he won’t hurt you when he finds out what you are.

Or worse.

“I, uh,” you stuttered, suddenly finding yourself engrossed with twiddling your fingers, “just had some business to take care of there.” Which was not far from the truth, but hopefully vague enough to keep your secret.

Looking back up at his face to see his reaction, you saw his brows scrunched together in question; but he declined to comment on it. It seems as if you were off the hook; at least for now.

“That’s actually why I was there, too.” The man explained, allowing you to drop the previous subject, “that guy that you were having trouble with,” he said with slight emphasis on the word ‘trouble’, “he was in that alley hiding from me.”

His statement caused a jittery feeling to build inside you once more. But, admittedly, you were intrigued; and you must’ve looked it too, because he seemed to answer your question without you even having to ask it.

“Guy was late on a couple pretty substantial payments to my boss,” he said with a shrug, “I was just doing my part of the job to hold the guy accountable.”

Accountable, huh? “So, you’re a loan shark?”

He released a hearty laugh upon hearing your question, and looked down at you with a dashingly handsome smile. “Amongst other things, yeah I suppose.”

Your cheeks suddenly felt hot as he looked at you, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from his own; and you felt a small laugh bubble up out of your own chest.

As you continued walking down the alleyway, the conversation between you two flowed easily, and you noticed that the feeling of fear you held in your stomach earlier, had dissipated, and was replaced with something else.

Though as luck would have it, your journey with him through the alleyway, seemed to be coming to an end as you approached the well-lit street ahead.

A/N: ahhhhh part 2 omg ! What do you think the reader is hiding ? Why wouldn’t she want to tell Dabi? And now that the walk is over, where will the story take our two new friends next?

#my hero academy fanfiction #my hero imagines #bnha fanfiction #boku no hero acedamia #dabi x female reader #boku no hero dabi #dabi imagine #dabi x reader #reader x Dabi #mha dabi #dabi my hero academia #dabi todoroki #dabi x you

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under-lore · 1 year

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Update on this blog

Hi !

So as you might have noticed, things on this blog have been quite slow for a few months now.

I’ve been asked a few questions about what was going on, or why have i not been posting even close to as many theories as before, etc...

So i’ve decided to try and answer all that as a sort of Q&A update to this blog.

Where have you been ?

I apologise for the lowered activity. My personal life lately has been causing me a lot of pretty bad problems, I’ve attempted 4 times within the last 3 months to pick this blog back up the way it used to be, but something would always come up at the wrong time and have me choose to delay it until that was fixed. Just last week, my personal computer broke down the very weekend i intended on doing so, and it is currently still in reparations so im writing this from a different device.

I do have several unfinished drafts and many things i want to talk and theorise about (i still haven’t posted a couple things that i’ve teased almost a year ago...), but i haven’t been able to find the opportunity to do so. I however have fairly good hopes that i might be able to get this blog back up and running within the next 2 weeks when my computer is fixed.

Hopefully, for real this time.

And again, i apologise about all this.

Whatever happened to the YouTube channel ? You posted one first video 6 months ago, and since then its been quiet...

The channel is not dead. I do intend on posting many more videos there in the somewhat near future. Some based on existing posts on this blog, and some more unique ones.

As a matter of fact, my computer gave up on me the day right after the day i told my friend and temporary editor that i wanted to start working on a second video... Tough luck...

It might be a bit early for me to say this, but once the blog gets picked back up, the YouTube channel should follow suit in the weeks that follow.

What have you been doing ?

Although the blog has been significantly slowed down for personal reasons, i have still made some progress on a few Undertale related projects of mine. While i have been generally staying quiet about those so far, i’ve decided to mention one of them today. After having been in this fandom for nearly 7 years and having seen literally hundreds of these from other people, it looks like it is now my turn to do so :

Im working on an AU

I will wait for a bit more progress before officially announcing it, but i am fairly impatient to be able to start talking about it !

What happened to asks ?

For a while even a bit before the blog lost its steam, i have been answering asks less often.

I used to always answer every single ask i got on this blog, but eventually as it grew bigger, there were too many of them for me to answer and it started to prevent me from posting theories as fast as i wanted to because otherwise i would get late on asks and have way too many in stock.

Eventually, i was overwhelmed by the number of asks i got and couldn’t keep up anymore. So i sort of took a break from the asks and now only occasionally respond to a couple.

I am actually not sure what to do about this situation. Because i do like answering questions i get, but i usually make pretty detailed answers which take time, and this blog lately has been quite short on time. I would be open to suggestions regarding how to handle this issue.

Thanks a lot for reading !

#update #undertale #meta

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asukiess · 4 months

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Fanfiction Year in Review 2023

happy new year. I’ve never filled something like this out… but as I published more fics last year than I did in 2022, and I have as many WIPs in the works right now, it seems like a good idea so I can reflect next year 😌

(thank you to kasienda and bbutterflies for tagging me in their posts!)

1 List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

sunblind - Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi

hearth – adrinette, adrien & emilie

switching shenanigans - Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Félix Fathom

the clouds above (opened up) – emonette & emodrien

backwards walk – ladywalker bed sharing!!!!!!!!!

back to you (just one last time) – ladywalker bed sharing (spicy) !!!!!!!!!!!!!

a rose by any other name – loveydrien <3

2 Number of words written:

Published: 47,661

Unpublished: 67,068

Knowing I’ve written over 100k words in a year is pretty cool! Especially since I only wrote 20k the year before that. I wrote all the wip titles down in a spreadsheet at least.

3 Your most popular fic:

I think the clouds above. I definitely did not expect that kind of reception when I first published it! I’m really thankful people still checked it out after the Paris special aired, too. It was one of the more fun fics I wrote, and I feel I actually don’t talk about how much of an Adrinette girlie I am. Even pre-reveal Adrinette is incredibly meaningful to me! I wrote this fic in a few hours and I was buzzing with excitement. I have another Paris special idea, but it’s… very much an AU I feel. Like it would be somewhere between the clouds above characterization and more canon compliant. So I am not sure if it’s something worth pursuing.

4 Your personal fav:

BACKWARDS WALK SWEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually didn’t know if I’d ever write Ladywalker again after TBSYM? I had small ideas but something switched in me honestly after allowing myself to like… write them in a trope. I’ve reread this fic so many times and it still gets me at all the emotional beats, and I feel the prose is strong in this one. Sometimes I can get a little wordy…! Anyway. this is when I felt I could write them again, and write more.

5 Your fav scene:

Published: I think the last scene of a rose by any other name.

Unpublished: I think this takes the cake

6 A fic or scene that challenged you:

Honestly, almost all of hearth. I took like, a six month break from writing it. Came back to it because it kept itself burrowed in my mind, but I redid the beginning like, three times? And I feel the ending is not as strong as I want it to be. I don’t think I’ve actually ever reread it, either. I won’t say I dislike it, but I think it was one of the harder writing projects of the year for many reasons.

The good: the Adrinette is exactly my comfort flavor. I’m proud of the statue scenes.

The bad: the pacing, the plot is a little loose, the prose can be a little ‘can’t see the trees through the forest’ for me, the ending….

The comments on it, however, have been some of the most meaningful things to me, and I am endlessly grateful!!! I almost feel like this was such a tumultuous work for me, that every thoughtful comment that called it poetic, that they wanted to savor it, meant a lot to me.

7 A line of writing you’re proud of:

I could not pick just one. I got lost in my WIPs for like half an hour.

8 A comment that touched you:

how do I choose?

All the comments on hearth, as I said. I can’t put into words how I feel about this fic, but I see the reflection of the effort and love when I read hearth’s comments. I could not pick a single favorite out of all of those…!

sunny who has graced not just me, but a wide swath of creators and artists with their thoughtful, engaging comments. I could not for the life of me choose just one, but maaaaybe:

Everyone who left tags in reblogs like “NEW ASUKIESS FIC?” or when whiskers complimented my ladywalker.

When piso said the following:

And huey’s comment that just. It connected with me SO MUCH because they GOT IT. sometimes you just get a comment and all you can do is a funny little victorious dance and shake their hand because yeah. Yeah.

All of kasienda’s comments. Literally starstruck is all I can say hehe.

Oh and ALSO when rosekasa said this.

10 Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

honestly just creating through a lot of life bullshit lmao

11 Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

I really don’t know! Knee-jerk:

Publish as many fics while keeping them solidly confident. Things I’m proud of.

Write a fic in the shape/form that I absolutely adore: non-linear, short chapters. These are vibe-excellent fics. Need to write one like this.

Balancing angst with fluff.

That’s about it really! <3

12 Anyone you would like to thank?

All of the littlebugs for sharing all their behind the scenes of creating; for offering support; for always been a positive support system; for always sharing in celebrating others wins and comforting when things are bad. I’ve actually never been apart of a creating community like this, and it was not only eye-opening at several points, it was quite a turning point for me, creatively speaking.

piso and blu for creating Loveybug and sharing her; for being just as brainrotted about Catwalker; for always being such wonderful people; for pretty much…everything?

sunny for yknow. all the things I’ve told you in the past six months! <3

mostmagical, bbutterflies, neurovascularentrapta, for being SO supportive and going wild with me over ideas and being SO SWEET!!! I appreciate you all enormously.

Literally everyone who has sent me a comment, on ao3 or in my inbox, or even just shared my work for others.

#long post #it’s just a lot of talk lmao #Asukies ramble

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vro0m · 9 months

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You were there during the aftermath of 2021. From what I get from the veterans it was hell.

Me I'm kinda new to the fandom. See,I knew about Lewis in about 2017-2018 because I was following Jourdan Dunn and Olivier Rousteing (Balmain) on Insta , and there was this Balmain campaign. So I saw him and let me be real, he looked like that typical lightskin man who is a fuckboy, party like Neymar, is toxic and will live you wahala back, front, left, right, up down and center. So it was a pass.

Then comes I think the time around may 2022 i got interested in knowing who is Lewis Hamilton. Prior to that some aesthetic blog non F1 related blog that were my mutuals and could not name one F1 driver beside him, so in my head this was already a fine fine boy.

I am going to be honest with you I'm not a Lewis fan because of F1 but because of his influence outside of F1 (things like his Tommy gig, Balmain, his appearances in celebrity events like the Met Gala). The main reason I became a fan is because he is handsome and dress well and is an A-list celebrity, so even if you think Formula 1 is a brand of baby food, you know who that man is. Plus as a Black woman I gotta support the only Black man in the sport, so.

But again I joined F1blr in 2022. And let me tell you: it was a mess. Drama everywhere, fandoms war everywhere, racism everywhere and on top of that I do not even understand how a car works! It made me feel like I was Beyoncé and Jay Z had just cheated on me: the fandom was giving me chest pain because I had to defend a 37 years old man's legacy to strangers who had babies with their fave driver in delululand.

Fortunately for me, I remembered that blocking people and filtering tags is something. So now my experience is enjoyable. Also, when and why did you become a Lewis fan (si tu en es une, parce que je viens de me rappeler que tu parles français et que j'aurais juste pu écrire en français dès le début 😩)

Sorry pour le long pavé là

Yeah but comme ça tout le monde comprend c'est plus convivial mdr

Okay so here's how it came to be for me. I was watching My next guest needs no introduction with David Letterman on Netflix in 2019. Loving it. Season 2 episode 3 was Tiffany Haddish. I was getting close to the end of the episode, so I took a peek at who's next. "Lewis Hamilton". 🤔 sounds vaguely familiar, I'm like who's that. Read the summary : "World champion Formula One driver..." I go : "aww no fuck that who cares about Formula One". But I'm nothing if not curious. I didn't know who Tiffany Haddish was either. I still watched. I still learnt. I still enjoyed. I think "whatever, if it's boring I'll skip it". It wasn't boring.

First of all same as you he got my attention because he's hot. No way around it. Second of all he got my attention because he explains F1 isn't just sitting in a car, that it's super hard, that it's an actual sport. Third of all he got my attention because he was endearing af. He talks excitedly and knows his shit. He takes David Letterman for a ride and they break a car. He makes his dad stand up from his seat in the audience so everyone can applaud him for everything he did for his son. (Gifs : 1 - 2 - 3) I'm like seriously : WHO'S THAT.

And, I repeat, I'm nothing if not curious so I think "eh, I guess I don't know shit about F1 and it's not what I thought. Maybe I should watch a race." Pour mourir moins con, comme on dit. So I look it up. When's the next race. Oh this sunday. I'm not very busy on sundays. Where can I watch it. Oh they broadcast it on national tv for free. How convenient.

I watch the race. Here I am almost 4 years later. I came for Lewis, I stayed, extremely weirdly, for the sport.

#I haven't been on f1blr for 4 years tho that started later on #lewis hamilton #2023 #vro0m's asks

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flowercrown-bard · 2 years

Note

I love the marriage AU so much <3 Mutual pining and dumbassery, it's the best! May I ask did you make any plans/ideas what exactly everyone "gets" out of the marriage? Like the political boons each side gets from it? If it works out well for the witchers, then maybe a few years down the line Jaskier might set up Kaer Morhen real nice and have diplomats come in and set up marriage arrangements for Eskel and Lambert as well. Or just generally treaties with other countries :3

Thank you so much dear <3 that seriously means a lot to me! I am happy to confess that I have not planned a single thing. I only wanted to write a very specific scene and the arranged marriage was just a convenient setting. I do have thoughts about a reason for why they have married but it's pretty much exactly what @imjusthereforthecatpictures wrote in their incredible Eskel/Jaskier arranged marriage au "The Best of It" and they put it much better than I ever could (this is me unsubtly telling everyone to read that fic. It's already one of my new favourites) you know, i really wanted to take a break from writing for at least a week or two, but I have zero impulse control, so here's a little prequel Part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6

Not a choice

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Lambert gaped at Vesemir.

He tried to catch Eskel’s eye, but his brother was stubbornly looking at the honeycake in front of him. Of course, Vesemir had made them the stupidly delicious cake for a reason. He had probably thought it would be easier to convince them to agree to this fucking scheme that would ruin their lives.

Lambert shoved Geralt, who was sitting next to him, making him look up.

“He’s kidding,” he repeated, a hint of hysterics in his voice. “The old man found his humour in his old age.”

“The old man is right here,” Vesemir’s said sternly, but almost instantly, his expression morphed into tiredness. He ran a hand down his face and sighed. “And I’m not kidding. I’m sorry.” Lambert blanched. He could count the times his old teacher had apologised for anything on one hand. When Voltaire hadn’t made it through the trials. When Eskel had returned from the Path with scars so severe that it had taken him two months to look at his brothers without turning his scarred side away. When he had sent Geralt through the second rounds of trials, as Geralt had admitted to him once. And now. Now, as he was telling him that he was bartering one of them away, just so they could have guaranteed work and protection from some poncy noble who had never cared about them anyway.

He waited for Vesemir to go back on his word, tell them that it wasn’t necessary after all, that they would find a different way to deal with the rising violence against their kind, but Vesemir only averted his eyes.

Lambert’s stomach churned. If Vesemir was this set on the marriage agreement, then things must be worse than he had thought. His mind went to Coen, who had returned from the Path with scars that hadn’t come from a hunt but from a town turning against him. He thought about the horse he’d had to abandon because the stablemaster had fucking lied and claimed that Lambert was trying to steal it, which had ended with pitchforks and torches being grabbed to run him off.

He thought about Aiden, who was out on the Path right now, always recklessly claiming that he wouldn’t get hurt. Fuck, but what if he did? What if one day, Aiden didn’t return to him, because some fucking humans took him away from Lambert? And what would Lambert do, if he knew that could be averted, if only he agreed to this insane plan.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see his brothers tense and exchange looks. They must have had similar thoughts as him. They all had friends and brothers out there.

If they wanted to keep their loved ones safe, then they had no choice.

“Which one of us is it then?” Eskel asked, though all of them knew the answer already.

It couldn’t be one of the Vipers, Griffins or Cats. As much as they belonged to Kaer Morhen as any Wolf, it was the Wolves themselves, who were the face of the alliance. Not least because Geralt, the famed White Wolf, made for an impressive figure head. Humans loved these sorts of symbols, even if Geralt himself was neither leader nor ever attempted to become such a thing. Not that any of the witchers would have listened to them. If anything, they had made fun of Geralt mercilessly, when they had first heard that people thought him in any way important in some made-up hierarchy. Eskel, with his scars and broad shoulders would scare any possible spouse off, despite being the gentlest of them all. No human would give him a chance for long enough to get to actually know them. And after having witnessed how much Eskel had hidden himself away even from his closest family, neither of them was willing to subject Eskel to going through that again. Lambert, well. No one in their right mind would think of offering Lambert up for marriage. Even if he didn’t have a tendency to be a right bastard - one of his best qualities, if you asked him - he would fight anyone tooth and nail who tried to separate him and Aiden. Besides, in a way, them being together was what had convinced the other Wolves to give the Cats a chance. Without them, the Schools would have never banded together and become what they were now: A unity of Witchers that worked together and protected each other - another thing that had seemed preposterous when Lambert had been a boy, but that had become a necessity, when rumours of another pogrom had made their way to the Keep.

Another sigh from Vesemir shook Lambert out of his musings.

“I’m sorry,” Vesemir repeated again. His gaze found Geralt, who returned the look unflinching, though Lambert could see his hands clenched into fists. “They asked for you.”

Geralt closed his eyes, taking a handful of steadying breaths. When spoke, for the first time since Vesemir had gathered the three of them together to discuss this, there was a light tremor in his voice, “Who is it? Who’s the one who’ll have to marry me?”

Vesemir reached into the pockets at the inside of his jacket and produced a letter. He handed it to Lambert, who passed it on to Geralt.

When Geralt unfolded it, the first thing that caught Lambert’s eye was the sketch of a man with fair features and a shy grin. He was pretty, Lambert supposed, if one liked dainty men who looked like they had never even considered picking up a sword.

He was about to make a teasing remark, when he noticed the way Geralt was looking at the picture. There was a crease between his brows, but to Lambert’s surprise, it wasn’t one of disapproval but with worry. Lambert’s mind ran through what Geralt had said before. ‘Who’s the one who’ll have to marry me?’ From the looks of it, Geralt was quickly coming to the realisation that maybe being married wasn’t the worst fate imaginable. Not for him at least. Apparently, Geralt was someone who liked dainty men.

Lambert just hoped that Geralt’s betrothed wasn’t someone who had fallen for the bullshit people liked to spread about witchers. Lambert scanned the letter for more information about the lordling, who would invade their home, but all he found was his name. Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove and next to that, a line written in a different hand - maybe the Viscount himself had added the explanation, that he preferred his betrothed to call him by a different name:

Jaskier

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tag list (please tell me if you would like to be added or removed from this): @spookylostboy @justablobfish @karolincki @flosimo @rebrandedbard @hollowxo @silvertonguelover @inanoldhousewrites @yaskefer @emotional-support-fandom @fandoms-princess @kore888 @fen-thenobling @geraskier-thots @strippiluolamies @sharinalein @slumberingcorpse @elle-ja-bell @bellathecatastrophe @hockles @ban-aard

#alright that's enough procrastination for today #thank you <3 #arranged marriage au #geraskier #lambert #eskel #vesemir #geralt #witcher #the witcher #my writing #fic #fanfic #fic rec #seriously that Jaskel fic has stolen my heart #and it explains the reasons for the marriage so much better than me #this thing i just wrote has nothing original to it #there's no way i could come up with anything that makes more sense than what I #imjusthereforthecatpictures wrote

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plasticfangtastic · 5 months

Text

Carnivorous Lamb ch. 4

A Homelander x M! OC fic

A/N: Happy reading, this chapter contains spicy scenes of slightly NTR nature, read at your own risk. this chapter its mostly smut lol...prev. chapter:

Tags: r18, ntr-ish, dubcon, age gap (HL is in his mid 20's, OC in his early 40's), DILF, priest kink, moral degradation, slowburn, top HL, Homie its a warning on its own.

Chapter 4

Early Spring

He was bad after all… that’s what his mother had said… that’s why his mother had smothered him… why she never stopped smothering him, why he made his father kill his mother.

He made people do bad things.

That’s why he argued with God about his calling… he must've been mistaken.

He kept people away, rid of all the pretty things in his life that were gonna do him no good but then he welcomed this one… all because he was so pretty.

Now he had broken him.

John would dissapear in the morning.

John would not come back for a long time.

The bruises he left would heal, no longer any proof that he had been here in the first place.

God spoke to him for the first time as he caught the boy on the news, his failures broadcasted for the nation to see.

He spoke with God for many dreamless nights until he understood his purpose.

On a perfect spring Monday morning he came back.

In his garden where the trees flowered readying to bring more peaches, Homelander took a step towards the building glad to see it had been painted recently.

“I should tie a bell on you.”

He almost fainted from the surprise, putting his books to the side, staring him down across the aisle.

“I could learn to knock.”

The priest smile warmly at him.

“I… I wanted to see you…” Amarello whispered.

“You wanted to see me?” he looked around as if he was speaking to somebody else and not at him.

“To know if you were alright? You left without saying goodbye… I was worried…”

The thought of him worrying for him washed away all the nerves off his being, he had done something awful to a man so kind, he had made him break his vows, made him accept his feelings and then dumped him like he was another floozy– he was special so why did he treat him like just another mud-person.

Amarello was nothing like the others… This was more than proof of that… that even after he abandoned him, he still missed him, he still worried for him.

Guilt settled quickly, knowing he had behaved so poorly to a man he should’ve appreciated. To a man who had so much space in his heart left but only for him.

The older man tore the space between them, approaching quickly just to check on the younger man.

“You've been fumbling quite a bit according to the news… have you been praying? You stopped coming for my advice so I assumed you didn’t need it anymore but I hope you still ask for some…” he bit his lips– Is my fault isn’t it? I don’t want you to feel like it's your fault, John… I did you wrong.”

A hand wearily reached for his face, cupping his cheek glad to be welcomed, glad that the lamb nuzzled his face against his sullied touch.

“I didn’t want to hurt you. I swear. I never meant to do that… I… please don’t think I am crazy, Father… I… I have this friend inside me… sometimes… sometimes he takes control. And he’s good! but he’s angry… He has to be stronger and smarter than anybody else, even me… to protect us… he… he’s so angry… and we do these awful things…”

“It doesn’t matter, my son.”

He pulled him closer wanting to hold him in his arms, but choosing not to.

“Tell me what burdens you so heavily that you’re failing to uphold your end of the deal.”

“...end of the deal?”

“God gave you these powers for a reason… your purpose in life is to use them… not to squander them, not so you could fail at rescuing folks from a burning building… It’s my fault, no?”

His hand retreated, ashamed of touching him as those blue eyes watched him in confusion, hands creeping to the sides of the man as soon as he felt him pullign away, he wouldn’t let him go far, Homelander wanted him here with him, wanted to decipher his words with minimal effort.

“You had nowhere to put your burdens because of me… what I did to you… what I made you do… I promise I’ll help you get better…”

“It was…?”

“Is my fault that our lord its turned away from you… why all this awful had befallen you” His once light voice grew heavy– I asked for guidance, I asked and asked until I ran out of breathe to understand what I had to do to help you if you ever came back…”

A mind could conjure a hundred strange things but not more stranger than this priest bizarre words, his gaze so dead he wasn’t sure if this was a fever dream, he sunk into his shoulders, catching a whiff of his scent, wrapping his arms around him, Amarello lacked any hesitation returning his gestures with affection breathing in the clean scent of his soft John– he had made him sick, he thought.

Hence why he had become so sloppy, why he had become a caped danger, even if they saw him as great and pure, he could tell by the mountainwork of propaganda being spouted by Vought to make every mistake appear not so bad, that he was being abandoned by their heavenly father.

Remedy his mistake… he had to by any means.

“You don’t think there’s anything wrong with me…? You don’t think–

“You’re good. You should be good… there’s nothing of you that was carved wrong…. let me help you stay good.” he whispered so quietly, Homelander could’ve missed it if he hadn’t been eager to receive his compassion.

Homelander nuzzled his neck, his lips parting to take in the heated skin, his hand tugging on the cloth.

“All the disease festering in you… let me take it with me… let me carry it for you…”

His taste was sweet, as sweet as his words and his touch, as sweet as peach flowers, this body twisting and learning, adapting and molded to his needs, fast and shallow thrust fill him as the Supe continues to flourish inside of him, his body numb and hazed as the nonstop stimulation continues– as he seeks to build rivers inside him, as he seeks to flood him with all the terrible things that he held back until he’s returns as a blank slate.

Bloodied kisses return old bruises, more handprints tattooed his hips and thighs, as he squeezes and lifts him, as he continues to slam himself with wet grunts, the room echoes every wet sounds, every squeak and mewl that escapes the priest, the doors unlock and for a moment he worries that a choir member will walk in on them, if his usual drunks will walk in on them, if another lost soul would find them… how would he explain that this is not corruption– that this is spiritual medicine? or better say… ritualistic purification.

How to explain as the young men hoist him on top of him stroking his cock as his body grows limp around his shoulders, leaving his sins in the only way God would let him?

Nobody finds him, nobody finds them as the young man cleans him, his tongue savoring the mixture, tongue digging the overly stimulated entrance, it puffs and opens around his lips, crying as his body wants more, his body that’s so weak and wasted somehow craves for more and he has to stop himself from going down that train of thought.

This is merely a duty… he cannot feel pleasure from this, he cannot reward himself with the flesh, this is just the way this messenger had opted to dispose of the sinful seed, of the germinating evil within.

He’s left full of his hate and this numbing heat in his stomach, his ears unable to listen to the words of the young Homelander as he kisses his nape relentlessly.

#homelander #homelander x oc #homelander fanfiction #homelander x male oc #my fic tag #personal #this chapter its nice and short

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doublebassawareness · 7 months

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WAIT STAR RAIL HAS DOUBLE BANNERS ALREADY

Like, I predicted that Seele would get a rerun 1.4, but I thought it would be at the expense of not getting a new five star character, maybe a new four star character instead

It feels so soon. 1.4? Not to compare it to Genshin, but that didn't get double banners until 2.3.

(Long ass essay. TLDR, I think HSR's story is going to finish really quickly because of this. Read if interested below the cut)

This makes me think a lot for the future of Star Rail. I think, compared to Genshin and Honkai Impact, it's run time it's going to be a lot shorter.

Like, let's take Honkai Impact 3rd for an example (for reference, I don't play the game. This is just from what I've heard). It released in 2016. The main story ended this year, 2023. Meaning, that it's run time is 7 years. It took them 7 years to finish the main story, to complete whatever the goal is in Honkai Impact 3rd (I'm not familar with the lore.)

Genshin Impact is still running, but we know from the Teyvat Travail Trailer that we are supposed to go to the 7 nations plus Khaenri'ah. We started in 2020, with two nations, and have added one each year, so assuming that there will not be any major story updates between the nations (like going to the light releam or Celestia or something) that warrents its own super patch (ie. the 1.0s, the 2.0s, the 3.0s, and now the 4.0s), then we will finish in 2027. 7 years again.

And let me talk with the pacing of content delivered throughout those 7 years, mainly with banners and account progression, since that's what usually sets the pace of the game. I'll be setting Honkai Impact 3rd aside for now since I have no authority to talk about it, but I feel like it's similar.

So let's start with account level. AR, Trailblaze level, essentially. In Genshin Impact, it took me about 1 year to get to the higher ARs (55+). I have been playing for almost two years now, and I have not hit AR 60. To be fair, I did stall doing acension domains to build, but I don't think that it's too much of a factor because I'm doing the same for Star Rail. In Genshin, 60 is the highest level you can reach. It's been almost two years and I haven't reached there yet. So, assuming that the run time for Genshin is 7 years, then it will take you a little less than half of the run time to reach max account level. Let's say it will take 2.5 years. So, 2.5 out of the 7 years will be used to reach max account level. Seems reasonable. My friend, who had been playing since launch just hit 60 in about March, so, that's about right

Now, let's look at Star Rail, specifically my EU account because that's the most developed one. I have been playing since April, so about 4 months now. The max level is 70. Guess where I am at.

My trailblaze level is 60. And I've been stuck here for about 2 months because I've been meaning to build characters better but school started and I've gotten busy. So, it took me 2 months to complete 6/7 levels. Let's say I get to Trailblaze level 70 by the end of December. You know, classes are over, it's winter break, I have time to play again. Meaning, it took me 8 months to reach the max level. And that's if I procrastinate enough. I have friends who have less classwork and assignments than me, so more time to play, they're already at 70. So, let's say the average time it takes to hit TBR 70 is about 6 months. Assuming that the proportions to time it takes for the average player to reach max level and the time it takes for the game to run is course is about proportional, what does it say about Star Rails run time?

I'm not done yet. Let's look at banenrs.

As you know, our first double banner is going to be occuring this patch, with a Seele rerun. I'm honestly hoping for a Jing Yuan banner next patch so I can pull his light cone, but that aside. For both Genshin and Star Rail, the patch run time is about 6 weeks, with some adjustments being made from time to time (Covid lockdowns during, and 1.4 being made 5 weeks because it's not story heavy??? I'm not sure of the reason behind this but apparently, that's what they did in HI3, so I guess that makes sense)

Anyways, not including phases and assuming each patch is 6 weeks, it took Honkai Star Rail until 1.4 to get their first double banner. So, there were 4 patches before that (1.0, 1.1, 1.2, and 1.3). 4 times 6 is 24 weeks, so about 6 months after being released to get their first double banner.

You wanna compare that to Genshin.

It took Genshin until 2.3 to get their first double banner, with the reruns of Albedo and Eula. Meaning, there has been 11 patches (1.0, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5, 1.6, 2.0, 2.1, 2.2). 6 times 11 is 66 weeks. That's 1 year and about 3 months. Just to get their first double banner.

So, looking at these comparisons, we can now see that Honkai Star Rail seems to be progressing at a much faster rate than other Hoyoverse games. Unfortunately, for global servers there isn't too much information on the earlier patches for Honkai Impact, so I am unable to confirm when the first double banner, but I would assume it's around the same time as Genshin. I would like to guess that these measures, account level and banner cycles, will tell us how long the game will run until we finish the main story. So, using this guess, I can now do a proportion to figure out how long Star Rail will run for using Genshin as a measuring stick.

Doing some math, I get that Honkai Star Rails run time until we finish the main story is about 1.4 - 2.76 years. That's considerably shorter than some of their bigger mainline games, Genshin and Honkai Impact 3rd. If true, this means that Honkai Star Rail will wrap up its main story before we get to Khaenri'ah. The Trailblazer will have fought Nanook before the Traveler found their sibling.

Does this mean that it's necessarily true? No. I personally got into the game hoping that for a few years after Genshin ends, I will have something to play while I look for the next game to play, and I still hope that it's true. But if it's true, why would Hoyoverse speed up the player experience this much? Having double banners this early makes me nervous for two or three years down the line, where we might get to triple banners, especially at the rate the game releases 5 star characters. And for Trailblaze level, I personally wished it took longer, so it we are prepared mentally and with our builds, because now I already feel like a late stage vetaran player, and I've only played for 6 months. 6 months into playing Genshin and I still felt like a baby. It's good, because it keeps players something to work towards to for longer. For those who want to burn through content and levels, they will do that regardless. There are people who are my current AR and they've started playing this year. But the way the game is progressing makes it seem like Honkai Star Rail's run time is going to be shorter than you think.

(Edits: Fixed Typo on Jing Yuans name, fixed incomplete sentence, corrected Honkai Impact 3rd to Honkai Star Rail, man was I half asleep writing this?)

#hoyoverse #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr 1.4 #star rail #genshin #genshin impact #honkai impact 3rd #hi3rd #mihoyo #rant

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peggysousfan · 1 year

Text

Opinions or Advice, please?

Tbh I need some more opinions because honestly my friends at work may be a little biased.... So long story short my mom forces me to pay rent twice a month. To some that may not be a big deal since I’m almost 21, but here’s my issue and I’ll break it down.

My mom is a retired Army Veteran who gets a check every month for compensation. She makes around $3000- $4000 a month (Which is not taxed because it is from the government itself.) Now my dad makes around $2000 - $3000 twice a month since he works a job and gets paid every two weeks. (This is after taxes so he makes quite a bit)

Now I make maybe $1000 a month which is less than $600 every two weeks. I’ll make $550 if I’m lucky every two weeks because I’m on a biweekly pay as well!

I have credit card debt because my mother has pressured me numerous times to use it while we are out together running errands. Especially when I was unemployed and could barley make my minimum payments (Which my mom had to help me pay until I found a job) Now here’s a kicker... I own 4 credit cards and use 3 different third-party payment plans to pay for large expenses. Now currently she has a loan in my name using one of these third-party options... And three of those credit cards I only have because she needed them and couldn’t use her own anymore.

She does not pay me for these credit cards that she made me take out. I pay them because they are in my name. I also now have my own phone bill which this month was $182 ($82 of which is not mine to pay, it’s my cousins) My mother forced me to get a phone for my cousin and add him on my bill which increased it. He has agreed to help pay it but I always have to pay my bills as soon as my check hits, therefore I will get some money back. Which is a plus side I admit. But he also has no job now so my mother has to help pay the difference which I know she is unhappy about.

To round it up I pay almost $500 a month on these credit cards and third party sources (When I have those small loans taken out. As of now the only loan out is my mothers and it’s in my name)

We never came to a set upon number to what she wants me to pay, she gaslights me into saying I should pay whatever I want to pay, so to be generous(And try to give her as much as I can without her being angry it’s not enough) I try to pay $150 every two weeks, so $300 a month... leaving me with a little over $200 a month for myself. And I will say this, I only ever have enough every two weeks to save and put away $10 because I’m trying to save for a car and an apartment.

In America this isn’t anything. I only have maybe $160 saved up and that took me over half a year to save. Like i said it’s barley anything but i try to set some funds aside if possible.So that’s $20 a month i put away, leaving me with $180 a month for myself at most.

Now my latest check was smaller than I anticipated it would be, taxes ate much more than I calculated they would. So I had to pay her less rent again. Last time I could only afford $50, and this time $100. Now she is cussing me out over text (First thing in the morning after I transferred the funds) because it wasn’t enough. She doesn’t believe me when I say I don’t make anything and my bills take up most of my check. The only reason I didn’t send the extra $50 was because after my bills are all paid, I will have $67 left for myself. And this will have to last me 2 weeks.

Now my mom also tells me to grab groceries sometimes when I leave work( I work in a grocery store btw) Therefore the money I have left over after bills isn’t always for me. Most often its for her and the house, or my cat. And with inflation so high I have to skip lunch more often than not to make sure i have money in my account for her in case she needs me to pay something for her. And I’m not a breakfast eater so I am left to eat one meal a day for over a week.

She says that she stays broke to make sure her house runs and her animals and kids are taken care of. Now I will say her mortgage did go up, which is horrible and I do feel sorry for her. It’s not fair and this country is going to shit, and we as citizens are paying the price. Once she told me her mortgage went up it made sense why she wanted me to pay her rent. But my co-workers say it isn’t my responsibility to help pay her bills and she shouldn’t make me feel bad for trying to save money for myself.

My mom, when she’s angry, says she wants me to get out and that I need a life, but yet I can;t do anything or go out if it affects her life, her household, and her plans. She belittles me and acts entitled as if I owe her every penny I make. Time out of my life, work I put into my job, money I earned. I owe it to her to help her pay her bills... but she makes almost 4 times as much as I do. Not including what my dad makes as well...

We do live on a farm and expenses go to that as well, but my mom doesn’t know when to stop buying animals (Particularly dogs) She doesn’t think of the consequences of the costs and the lack of space in her small home. Most of her expenses could be avoided if she didn’t take on so much, but she refuses to listen to any of us when we say its not a good idea to get more animals. She says its her money and she’ll use it how she wants, and getting more animals will be hard but it’s worth it

But then turns around and says I owe her.

And I will add this. The rent money I send her she almost always uses it on Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts. I know for a fact the last 4 times I have paid her, she has gone out and used my rent money for take out. Not bills she’s struggling with or on animal feed, but luxury. Half the time I won’t even get any because I’m at work. If I’m not she will get me something. I only ever agree because if I refuse she will get angry.

I know this was a lot but I wanted to be as thorough as I could for your input. Honestly I don’t expect anyone to read or comment but... if you do, Am I wrong to be upset here? Should I try and pay her more? Or should I save up and try to start my own life? Opinions or advice please?

#personal #this is a big dump of personal info and i am so sorry #this is a lot #but i really need advice and opinioins #i don't know what to do #i have no friends or boyfriend or life #so im trapped #but i want to be free #please can someone help

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calliopecalling · 2 years

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QOTS Rewatch - Season 5 Retrospective

Man, I've been dragging my feet on working on this. I've spent almost a full year on this rewatch (it really took on a life of its own; I didn't go into it planning to write involved metas or reblog a week's worth of gifsets for every episode but I am just THAT over the top) and I don't even know what I'm going to do with myself now that it's over. Watch something else?!?!?! Like what!?!?!?! Seriously though.

Anyway, where were we? Season 5. It's an interesting season to reflect back on. Sometimes it feels like my second-favorite season after season 2, and other times it feels like my second-least-favorite season after season 4. It ends up being really difficult to place. Its primary problem really in my opinion is that it's rushed, and there's so much plot to get through that the writers and editors had to leave us with sometimes frustratingly short character-driven scenes and force us to fill in the gap. But it does feel more Teresa-driven than season 1 does and, Kote notwithstanding, the non-Teresa-centered scenes still somehow feel a little more relevant or engaging than some of the Vargas stuff in seasons 1 and 3 both. (Epifanio and Batman's story took up a superfluous amount of screen time in season 1, I realized on rewatch, and season 3 has soooo much Cortez and Isabela and Loya and stuff that is way more painful to watch than Kelly Anne getting an ultrasound, even if Pote's sexist quips do make me roll my eyes.) So I don't know. I guess you'll have to give me a few more weeks to think about it. But season 5 as a whole entity in my opinion stands up pretty well on rewatch. It's the Jeresa content in season 5 that doesn't hold up as well as season 2 or 3's Jeresa. (Again, largely because of how rushed it is.)

But as always, I'll do my ranking and things:

My Top 3 Episodes

My Top 5 Scenes

Season 5 Episodes Ranked

Teresa’s Journey

Jeresa, DUH

Top 3 Season 5 Episodes

3: 5x05, Mas Dinero Mas Problemas

It actually was hard to choose the third place episode. There are several other contenders for this spot. But this episode as a whole is really fun to me. It's Teresa-centric. It features Oksana (yay female characters). It's set in Berlin. It features awesome Jeresa teamwork. It throws back to earlier show canon (Rocco de la Pena! Oleg!) and Teresa even gets to break an asshole's nose. James's all-black suit is to die for, as is Teresa's high pony, and best of all? The non-Teresa-focused material is focused on George and Boaz in Miami which, while definitely feeling sinister, gives both of them great material to work with. George buying Teresa that boat? Lol. This is an episode that I gladly watch in full without wanting to fast-forward through anything (a rarity for me among episodes after season 2) and it's a queenpin-esque version of Teresa that isn't as painful as the previous two episodes. All great stuff.

2: 5x09, A Prueba de Balas

Listen, I am not going to pretend that this is here for any other reason than the love confessions and long-awaited Jeresa hook-up, though I love every single Jeresa moment in the episode, I love that it's down to the two of them against the world (just like it was in the beginning before Teresa even knew that it was the two of them against the world), and I love that she takes out Kostya like the badass she is. We won't talk about the raccoons and peewee soccer.

1: 5x02, Me Llevo Manhattan

OBVIOUSLY. I mean: this episode might be my favorite episode of the entire series. It's perfect, classic, angsty, electric Jeresa; they actually talk to each other about stuff other than business (several times); they call back in their dialogue to earlier seasons. They KISS and it's magnetic. They dance around whatever the fuck it is that's happening between them. And they both just stumble around incoherently attracted to each other but refusing to talk about it because they are imbeciles. On top of all that, there's James back to his going-all-out-to-protect-Teresa habits and Teresa back to her taking-crazy-risks-but-earning-mad-respect bs. Teresa's whole "you work for me now; when I call, you answer on the second ring" speech to Lafayette is literal fire and even the non-Jeresa scenes in this episode are good: Kelly Anne with Judge Lafayette's business partner; Boaz with the Judge; the pregnancy reveal. My favorite scene of the episode, though, the one that makes me levitate, is the balcony scene between James and Teresa in Manhattan. Wtffffff that scene was like, designed to personally destroy me. But more about that later.

Top 5 Season 5 Scenes

This was so hard for me. The truth is that there are two types of scenes, Jeresa scenes and non-Jeresa scenes, and they belong on parallel ladders to me. The Teresa who shows up with James and the Teresa who shows up otherwise is so different (I mean: compare literally any of the 5x02 Jeresa scenes to, say, how Teresa interacts with Oksana and Oscar and the Judge in that same episode). And I love both kinds of scenes for her. The way she almost coyly greets those real estate developers in 5x06, knowing full well she's going to slaughter them? *shivers* sooooo good. But when push comes to shove, it's the Jeresa scenes that all slide to the top, because it's the version of herself she gives him that is the one we're ultimately rooting for. So without further ado:

#5:

The scene: Episode 5x02, bedroom conversation

What I love about it: Soooo muuuuuch subtext here. After Teresa in the previous episode gave James literally nothing to work with, now that she's wrapped her mind around him being back she is completely unable to keep up the act. Watching both of them dancing around what they're actually trying to talk about is so delightful, and the icing on the cake is Chicho walking in right in the middle of a particularly intimate gesture.

#4:

The scene: Episode 5x09, the balcony kiss

What I love about it: Do I really need to explain myself? I love this kiss so much because it's written all over Teresa's face what combination of fear, desire, and love is driving her. It's no longer impulsive as it was in 5x02 or tenuous as it was in 3x09 or generous as it was in 3x05, it's for her, it's because she wants him and she's terrified of dying without him knowing it. And then he returns it so wholly and confidently and damn. To me it's the moment they catch up to each other and finally land on the same page. The I love yous that follow were made possible by this kiss.

#3:

The scene: Episode 5x07, the waterfront launch party heart-eyes

What I love about it: Again, so much subtext here. The intense intimacy of a moment in which relatively little gets said (and all of it completely innocuous). The verbal callback to the season 3 finale made the fandom's collective hearts jump to our throats as we wondered, with Teresa, if he was about to say he was leaving. Teresa's clear display of vulnerability in this single 90 second scene made up for the four previous episodes of distance between them. But really.... it's all in the subtext here.

#2:

The scene: Episode 5x10, the final Queenpin scene

What I love about it: It's the perfect Queenpin send-off. It's perfectly appropriate that she shows up one last time and the way it's done here is so beautiful. She looks so serene and her nod of approval closes the circle with episodes 2x06 and 3x10 where Queenpin seemed to be nudging Teresa towards James. And THEN, as Queenpin departs, James steps in. 'You ok?' Could it be any clearer? She doesn't need Queenpin to be her guardian angel anymore. She has James. God, I must be in a mood today because I'm literally choking up as I write this 😭 Excuse me while I go rewatch this scene 28 more times.

#1:

The scene: Episode 5x02, the balcony scene

What I love about it: Was there ever any doubt this was going to be my number one scene of this season? No, there was not. It is the perfect combination of classic Jeresa--James pining, Teresa being cool and unruffled, an almost visible electric current of tension between them, and oh my god the subtexttttttt. Yes, I'm predictable. I don't even think I have enough words to convey exactly how much this scene breaks me apart and I definitely don't have the words to confess how often I rewatch it. Literally I AM JAMES when she says "you and me can't happen" and I feel my entire body turn to jelly, and then when she says "maybe in some other life" I'm like EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GO GET IT JAMES. This scene to me is their crowning achievement as actors playing this couple of idiots. That chemistry is crazy.

Season 5 Episodes Ranked

5x02

5x09

5x05

5x06

5x08

5x07

5x01

5x03

5x04

5x10

Yes, the finale is my least-favorite episode of the season. There's just nowhere near enough Teresa, or James. Waaaaay too much Pote, and Pote is just not an interesting character. Plus it's so dominated by men. I just could not care about the fight between him and Boaz. It all felt like male viewership fan service. Ew. So, looking at episodes in their entirety, it falls at the bottom. Really though I think this speaks to honestly how strong the season is overall, when it comes down to it. I loved it on rewatch and looking back at this list I even feel sad about having 5x03 and 5x04 so low! I've grown to like even those, despite how painful some of the scenes are.

Teresa's Journey

So, this is the season that obviously brings her as close to Queenpin as she'll ever come, the season in which she faces the ultimate choice: fully abandon herself in a quest to become untouchable in her power, or fully abandon that quest in order to save her soul. Both of these are different sides of the "survival" coin. And both involve incredible risk. Having taken out Kostya, she came as close as really was possible to that untouchable power that the Queenpin visions throughout the series evoked. She would have been protected by the American CIA and would have run the largest and most powerful drug empire in the world. Of course when you're at the top, someone is always ready to take you out, so the risk of staying--despite the promise of safety and protection--was huge.

On the other hand, disappearing. So much risk there, too. So simple in concept: shed your identity, go somewhere remote, and start over from scratch. But when you're in the cartel world that deep, obviously it's not just possible to get out. Your continued existence is too threatening to everyone who stays in; you know way too much. And SO much could go wrong in the process of trying to escape.

So both of these choices offered the promise of safety and both came with a heaping side of risk. But the Teresa we were introduced to in season 1 would've had absolutely no difficulty picking between them, right? So in retrospect, her full character journey was to slowly and gradually become someone who would believably struggle with that choice, someone we would believably worry might make the "wrong" choice.

And I think they really did pull that off. Already by season 2, it's less clear that she would choose to disappear rather than become all-powerful. She'd already lost everyone she'd loved by then and felt herself to be alone, and I think loneliness was one of the biggest drivers for her in seeking power over feeding her soul. It was always loss and trauma that pushed her further into the business and, even though season 5 didn't super explicitly link her rapid power grabs to Tony's death the previous season, it was clearly the darkness of that loss (maybe combined with the unsettling reappearance of James) that pushed her over the edge.

So was it believable that, in the end, she chose her soul? Yeah. They made us worry about her for the first half of season 5, pushing away everyone she cared about and seeming like a hollow shell of herself. But by episode 5x08 her vulnerability is palpable again. Like George's loss, combined with pregnant Kelly Anne's kidnapping, and faced with the possibility of dying herself, and losing James in the process, that she gets her wakeup call. So to me, her final decision feels very earned. I just wish they hadn't wasted a full episode trying to convince us she wasn't going to make it 😂

Jeresa

And all inextricably tied up with Teresa's character turnaround in season 5 is her relationship with James. This is another thing the season didn't make super explicit, at least in the written dialogue, but on rewatch it feels exceptionally clear that his presence allowed her to make what no doubt seemed like an impossible decision to turn the train around that was fast hurtling towards a cliff. He:

showed up mortally wounded trying to save her life

stuck by her side even when she made a disappointing decision that showed how much she'd changed

tolerated her snapping at him and pushing him away because he wasn't going to just give up on her after the huge way she'd busted into HIS life and changed HIM from the inside out

gently challenged her, wherever possible, despite having had it made clear to him that doing that was risky

backed her up 100% and went the extra mile to show his loyalty (beating up Navarro's connect), care (delivering an entire army of ex-Mossad for her security), and competence (stealing the painting)

And then, when she'd sent Pote and Kelly Anne packing and it was just the two of them again (the symmetry to the beginning of the series is so lovely there), his steadiness in the face of her emotional undoing is such a visible factor of her turning everything around. Yes, she's scared for Kelly Anne and her baby. Yes, she's upset about George. But in 5x09 after she's sent Kote away and it's too late to save George, those aren't her motivators anymore. James is. You can see it in her eyes on the balcony that it's not her own death that she fears but the possibility of dying without having loved.

Teresa is a lover. We knew that from the very beginning. She essentially told us that in her own voice over in the pilot. Her drug of choice was Guero. Comparing Guero to a drug is so apt (and foreshadows all the events of the first three seasons and how Guero's actions underlie so much of what she had to go through) so that her fear of love also becomes understandable. She was so slow to fully trust James because of the betrayal she'd experienced before; she was slow to open herself up to him as a lover because the risk of that vulnerability was too devastating. But when she stares down death and realizes she's held real love at arm's-length, its pull and its promise is way too great to turn away from.

I think the writers and show runners of this season struggled with this because the love story they'd created was so powerful and yet they knew (and I agree) that this show wasn't intended to be a love story. The book that it's based on is not a love story. It's the story of a woman and her incredible journey from life on the streets of Culiacán to becoming a powerful druglord and then her final escape from that life. But Jeresa is so powerful that even without explicit efforts on the part of the writers this season it's clear that it's a story in which love wins. She gets out, because of love. She makes the choice to disappear, because of love. Yes, platonic and familial love play into it, too; and stacking up the losses of those she's loved over the years and the risks to those who remain are explicitly part of the story. But by 5x09 the only ones who remain are her and James. She's lost or sent away everyone else.

I guess I forgive the writers for leaving much of their relationship this season to the imagination. I would've loved more conversations between the two of them that were 5x02 or 3x08 caliber, but I think the writers were trying to strike a balance between the people who clearly watched the show for Jeresa and the people who clearly cared less. Do I think they should've just written the show the seasons 2-3 writers set up? Yes. Do I blame them for trying to please a broader base? No. I don't, because I think it's ultimately so obvious anyway that James helped Teresa out of the cave in the same way she did originally that it still ties together beautifully in the end.

So. Now what?

As I said yesterday, I have saved many hundreds of gifsets in my queue still to reblog that I didn't reblog as part of the "official" rewatch. And I'm sure I'll continue to find more, and will reblog any others that get created. I'm also a huuuuuge Alice fan (in case that's not abundantly obvious by now) and will stick around to reblog whatever Alice content I consumer and maybe even Peter content from time to time. I'll post a full series retrospective eventually, but I doubt it will be quite as comprehensive as these season metas because I think I've kind of covered a lot of the analytical ground by now!! But I still want to do my rankings and all that. All that to say: I'll be around. And I hope to continue to see some of you around too 🥰 Thanks for sticking with me.

#qots s5 #2021 rewatch #txt post #qots meta #season 5 retrospective #episode rankings #farewell beloved characters I shall miss thinking THIS level of profoundly about you every day #but I'm looking forward to becoming *slightly* more chill in my level of consumption of this show lol #I'll start my post-rewatch queue tomorrow #can't wait to see what the shuffle reveals lol

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the-three-whumpeteers · 2 years

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AngelBreaker part 4

FINALLY AFTER SO LONG,,,PART 4

ahem, this is basically two short parts mashed together, mainly because that's the only way it would make sense. Finally introducing someone that isn't under North, slowly trying to show the rest of the underworld. Not particularly happy with this one, primarily because of how long it took to write, this went through give or take 10 versions before I settled on this.

Ah right, I believe someone wanted a tag so before I forget//

@kixngigglesgles

Content-wise//

The first one doesn't have much whump-wise, but I will say that North is a terrible friend, manipulative although it's now fully shown here. The second part is where someone's sedated, specifically via needle. North manhandles someone and is, once again, really shitty to Cypress.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weather had been particularly lovely that week, The sky was perfectly clear and the temperature had been pretty pleasant. Thankfully work hadn’t been as rough as it usually was- at least to cypress. Said angel had just sat down on a park bench where he and North had agreed to meet. Cypress allowed himself to finally relax, putting his bag down and enjoying the afternoon breeze.

Cypress had told North about how heavy work had been lately, and with the weather finally being reasonable it only made sense for them both to take a day off and relax, sure this was only a day off for cypress, who, unlike North, hated the job he had been assigned to- North was much better at…disposing of demons than him and they both knew that.

His thoughts were disrupted by the sound of a tired, and totally apologetic North.

“Cy please I am so sorry! I promise I didn’t mean to be late, I just started preening and you know time, kind of flies for me when that happens and-”

“I just got here too you’re okay”

North stopped, raising an eyebrow and staring at his friend for a moment.

“What do you mean? Wait, you’re the one who told me to be here thirty minutes ago, what do you mean you just got here?” North asked, probably knowing why Cypress had done that already.

Cypress stood up and stretched “Because you take forever on your appearance alone, I think you take longer on your wings than I do on my entire outfit, I took my time” he shrugged.

North gasped, purposefully exaggerating how offended he was “Well excuse me if I like looking good, I don’t like when my feathers are dusty” he huffed “ And you could do so much better! Your wings are pretty I don’t understand why you don't-” he would’ve said something else if Cypress hadn’t suddenly shoved something at him. North looked at his hands and realized that Cypress had given him a small cupcake- pumpkin, his favorite. He was delighted when he realized what it was, almost taking an excited bite before pausing.

“...did you get me this just to get me to shut up?” he asked, glancing at his friend.

“Is it working?”

North finally took a bite, staring at Cypress the whole time before nodding.

“Alright now that I’ve calmed you down with baked goods, let’s go before the food gets cold. I put some effort into this little picnic of ours,” Cypress said before snatching his bag and grabbing North by the arm. “Now come on, I’ve been eyeing that park for a while now and today is perfect, we can just sit down, eat, and finally relax.”

North walked alongside his friend, eating the cupcake concerningly fast before speaking up “Well with how stressed you’ve been I guess I can take some time off for this”

Cypress nudged him “Hey, you’re tired too, out of the both of us you work harder, give yourself a break! you’re…Enthusiastic, you’ll tire yourself out you know?” He said, a bit hesitant to talk about North’s attitude during their work- hopefully North didn’t notice that, he didn’t want an argument about this again…Cypress should really tell North to stop being so cruel during work, sure they were demons and he wasn’t supposed to feel bad, but Cypress never expected to see so many beg for their lives.

North didn’t catch on to what Cypress was thinking thankfully, instead, he seemed to be proud of himself when Cypress mentioned his enthusiasm “Hey if I’m gonna make it big I might as well do it with style right?”

“...Sure, I’m sure everyone’s gonna talk about you one day,” Cypress said, finally smiling- North had always been the type to pull off things like that.

They settled into a comfortable silence as they walked, Cypress leading the way since despite living there his whole life, North didn’t know how to navigate the town without getting lost. They were seemingly the only people taking advantage of the nice weather since the streets were relatively quiet, which didn’t surprise Cypress since the Seraphim always encouraged them to work as hard as possible- but Cypress wanted a break damn it.

Cypress stopped in front of the park gates, looking quite proud of himself still for finding such a nice little place. North, on the other hand, didn’t seem to notice and bumped into him.

North was about to apologize and walk in before an excited Cypress grabbed his arm and practically sprinted in.

“Come on! I need to find a perfect spot” He said, scouting out the place while dragging his friend along. He’d reject places that were reasonably nice, from empty clearings to a bench by a stream. It took a while for him to find a spot- a quaint area under a tree that overlooked the park, and at that point North’s arm hurt.

Cypress put his bag down, unpacking everything he’d gotten, which was… excessive. He’d definitely packed more food than they needed, it was a full three course meal at that too.

“...Are you sure we can finish all of that? I know you like cooking but uh-”

“-Listen, we deserve a treat after working so hard”

Cypress was the type to cook whenever he was stressed.

North shrugged, sitting down on the picnic blanket Cypress had laid out, said friend, on the other hand, kept adding more pillows, lamps, bread, and fake leaves.

Cypress had a stressful past couple of days.

Finally, Cypress presented his masterpiece of a picnic, which was actually really impressive, and finally sat down himself. Cypress then went to open the basket of food, which was probably just as extravagant as the decorations before North stopped him.

“Cy, buddy, that’s… a bit too much isn’t it,” North said, “I promise we can eat it all later, it'll be fine”

“Right, right sorry I think I made too much…well, everything,” He said sheepishly, “Maybe I'll give it to random people, you know, random acts of kindness or something? I think the Seraphim encourage that right?”

North just shrugged “They’re very incon-” He stopped himself, rethinking his words “They encourage a lot of different things…but! Hey, what if you gave it to some random mortal? Just imagine popping into a random mortal’s house and giving them a pie! They’d probably be terrified”

Cypress grew visibly uncomfortable, he hated when North even mentioned mortals or their realm, he’d usually end up going on a tangent that eventually led to talking about work.

“-They get scared too easily, you’ll tell them not to be scared but they’d still panic over you showing up at all!”

Cypress sighed, trying his best to hide his frustration at the mention of the mortal world. “Listen, North, I wanted a break both from work and from that entire realm okay?” realizing that he’d been a little too mean- at least he felt he’d been too mean, Cypress tried to backtrack a bit “Not that I wouldn’t do that-”

He wouldn’t.

“-But this is my break, remember?”

North’s smile wavered, looking away from his friend. As much as North tried to hide it, Cypress knew how annoyed he was at how little Cypress liked their work.

“Listen, I promise you’ll like it! Mortals are fun to mess with!” North said, once again trying to convince Cypress. “Is this about work again? It’s been so long man, I thought you’d at least tolerate it by now-”

“Okay okay- let’s not bring this up now, it’s a nice day, we can drop it for now and-”

“Nothing is going to change if you don’t address it Cy, it’s not bad and you can enjoy-”

“-enjoy what? Tearing demons appart like you?” Cypress finally snapped, shutting up North. The silence after that was awkward, neither of them looking at each other. Cypress at least was good at hiding how angry and tired he was. North on the other hand, never bothered to hide his emotions, and was clearly annoyed with everything going on.

In the end, Cypress always hated conflict, and even if he didn’t want to he knew he needed to apologize to keep the peace, they’d both go back to being friends as if none of these conversations had happened in the end.

…He really should’ve distanced himself while he still had the chance.

Not like he could do much about it now, and no matter how much he thinks about what he could’ve done or changed, that doesn’t matter anymore, so he might as well just accept his situation. Despite constantly telling himself this, Cypress' mind often went back to those days. North was a jerk, but he wasn’t what he is now.

Cypress blinked, realizing how zoned out he’d been, at least he’d gotten some work done. Another fallen had washed dishes earlier, and the task of putting them away fell onto him. A porcelain plate was placed neatly in one of the many cabinets. If he broke it North would only scream at him unlike what would happen to the other fallen if they were to break something, so he was a bit more careless. There was a part of him that hoped to go back to the comfort of the life they used to have, although he knew that was impossible. Cypress still wanted to believe North was a good person. He’d been working hard to at least make North hurt him less, and there’d been progress, at least before recent events.

Basil had broken the peace Cypress had been building up for years now- not that he blamed him of course. Cypress had always been protective of the fallen, but Basil was the youngest one he’s seen yet. Despite how much Cypress pushed back against North, he had barely prevented any injuries, or worse, but he just knew that if North listened to him he’d understand.

With a sigh, Cypress finally put the last of the dishes away, closing the cabinet and looking around the kitchen he was in, the room was spotless of course, North wouldn’t accept anything other than perfection. Opening the door to leave, it didn’t take long to see another fallen outside dusting some of North’s more expensive decorations. The other fallen looked towards Cypress, about to greet him before they were both distracted by the sound of North coming back home.

Usually North was quiet, only ever looking around to see if his house had been taken care of. For some reason this return was quite the opposite from that.

There was a series of crashes coming from the entrance, and Cypress saw a couple of fallen quickly going the opposite direction since North loved hurting them to relieve stress. Cypress would’ve tried to get away too if he didn’t hear North shouting his name. The sound of North yelling alone terrified Cypress, as much as he hated to admit it, but regardless of his fear he was forced to finally see what was going on.

The hallways were empty as he quickly made his way to the main entrance, the commotion only getting louder as Cypress got closer. The sound of a stranger’s voice became clearer, maybe an unruly demon had snuck in? It didn’t happen often but there was a chance that some young inexperienced demon decided North was a weak target.

Cypress rounded the corner to see what was going on, and the person North was trying to hold down was clearly not a demon. A pair of wings more than confirmed that this stranger was a fallen. The stranger was shoved down roughly, North finally winning the struggle. Cypress couldn’t help but notice that this fallen hadn’t just been banished, which is what North preferred since it made everything ‘easier’. This fallen had definitely been in the underworld for a while now, but why did North bring someone that would struggle so much? Then he saw why. The wings on the fallen had a gold shimmer to it, and if it wasn’t for mud and dust, they would probably be quite pretty… Fuck, North liked this stranger’s wings.

North took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure despite the fallen violently trying to get North off. Cypress froze when North finally looked at him, thankfully he seemed calm, at least considering what was going on.

“Cy, can you please bring me the sedative? It’s the red syringe in the shelf to your left” He asked, sounding more annoyed than anything.

Right, red syringe, he could do that.

The fallen immediately reacted when Cypress grabbed the syringe, doubling his efforts to get away and growing agitated “Why are you listening to him?”

Cypress stopped, he wanted to answer but every answer his brain tried to come up with didn’t make sense- because he had to? Because North would hurt him if he didn’t?because they were friends?

“Cy, the syringe” North said, clearly annoyed at the delay. This snapped Cypress back, he just wanted the situation to end so he hurried over to North and handed him the small syringe. The fallen’s eyes locked on Cypress as he moved.

North, thoroughly unbothered by the tension between the two, let out an exaggerated sigh of relief as he sedated the fallen, the struggling grew worse only for a moment before it finally died down. North sighed, glaring at his ‘friend’, “Why did you hesitate?”

Cypress froze, and like a deer in headlights he could only stare at North. Even when North stood up and got closer Cypress could only stumble back.

“I’ve given you enough, I don’t want you latching on to another fallen, got it?” North hissed, making sure that the threat was clear. “Now go, I’m busy and I’ve wasted enough time here, he won’t be here for long anyway”

Cypress didn’t seem to process the last few words and scurried off before North could think of a reason to hurt him later, but he couldn't help the growing feeling of shame as he left.

#Cypress: I can fix him- i think #also cypress being a stress baker- poor guy has probably made an entire feast for a town by now #next part is the return of good ol leaf boy- that and a little more on this newcomer #North is right though don't get too attached #whump #whump writing #angelbreaker #me struggling to tag because reasons or something #tw: needles #sedation #manhandling #north has always been a shitty friend to nobody's surprise #cypress- as clever as he can be- does not notice this #angel whumper #angel whumpee

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