#i also love Morrigan hiding how much she cares
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sweet nothings
Mor x Reader
summary: this was inspired on sweet nothing by taylor swift.
warnings: none
words count: 1035
author's notes: this is for all Mor girlies that requested something (there was a lot of them), hope you like it 💗
Mor loved how she could sneak into your apartment and feel like she was in a bubble of happiness.
She loved that she didn't have to share you with her chaotic life.
She loved that while the world around her was expecting the greatest things, you were expecting from her nothing at all.
She loved all of this because with you she could be not the Mor of the Inner Circle, or The Morrigan, even less Truth Speaker. Mor was just Mor, the female you fell in love with 5 months ago.
It was near dinner time. The whole day was with meetings to discuss work in the Continent, and Mor was feeling exhausted. When Rhys said the last word, she was quick to vanish the River House.
The smell of the food filled her nostrils as soon as she passed the front door. She could hear your soft hum in the kitchen, a cute trait that you always did while concentrating on doing something.
When you feel her arms wrap around your waist, you don't shift or get scared, a sign of how well your body knows hers.
“A tough day, I presume.” You say while stopping mixing the pan so your arms can rest upon hers.
“You know me that well, don’t you?”
You take the pan out off the stove, and turn around to face her.
“Did something bad happen or is it just too much work?”
“Too much work.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“No…” Her thumb caresses your cheekbone. “I want to run away from all of it with you.”
“Well, we can run away this whole night from it. Hide from the world around us to get some peace.”
“Like I always do.”
You feel her change of demeanor. It was not the first time you both had this conversation.
“Mor, I already said to you that we don't have to rush anything you’re not ready to do yet.” You hold her face between your hands.
“I know…”
“You don't have to prove this to anyone, and most importantly, you don't have to prove anything to me. You think I didn't know where I was leading myself to? I choose you and I’m willing to do it again and again if I have to.”
The blond remembered the last time you said exactly the same words to her, after a night with the Inner Circle where they were sharing love experiences. She wanted so badly to talk about you, and how proud she was of loving someone and being loved after so many years, but she got scared.
And all her friends having mates but you both not sharing a mate bond yet, even when she was sure she never loved someone this hard, didn't help with her insecurity.
“I don't care if a mating bond never happens.” You said that night. “I don't care if people say it's a punishment for our love, and this was never supposed to happen at all.”
“The love I feel for you is stronger than any mating bond could ever be, Mor.”
That's the words you said, and it was what she needed.
She also remembered how you kissed every part of her body to seal the words like a prophecy. That night was the first time in her whole life that she really felt at home.
After dinner you were both lying in your bed, sharing caresses and soft kisses in a comfortable silence, the crickets outside the window singing lullabies. Her head in your chest and hands playing with your fingers, while your arms rested around her back.
“I think I want to talk about it.” She says for the first time in an hour.
“Go on, love.”
“It's just…” she took a deep breath. “Everyone seems to be expecting me to always be strong and resilient. To always have a plan in mind and be able to sort out all the situations.”
Her voice was low, a sign that she was sharing a secret never shared between you, and a difficult one.
Your hand starts soothing her blond locks trying to keep her at peace.
“But the truth is that I am not. Not at all.” Her arms around your waist get tighter. “I’m not that strong for all of it.”
“And it’s okay. You don't have to.”
“Not with you.”
“Not with anyone. Mor, if you’re not comfortable doing it anymore, set limits.”
“I’m scared of what they would think.”
“It doesn't matter. Besides, they’re your family, they will understand.”
“Thank you.”
When you looked down at her, she was already looking at you, the amber eyes with shining little dots like the stars in the sky above your head.
“You're so beautiful, you know that?” You put a strand of hair behind her ear, no piercings in sign since she recently bathed.
“Hearing from you always hits differently.” She says closing the space between your lips.
Everytime you two kissed it was like a starstruck. You felt like your lips were made to kiss each other, but it can be your mind drowning in too much love.
Her hands quickly find your hair, tangling her fingers in your locks. Her leg wrapped around your middle.
“You want to meet them?” Mor asked when you stopped to catch a breath.
“You want me to meet them?” You shifted in bed, adjusting your weight in one arm to have a better look on her face.
“Yes… I do.”
You kept looking at her face for any sign of regret, but she didn't show any, and you always read her like an open book.
“We will have our traditional family dinner this weekend.” She said and pressed her lips like she was thinking if she should say the next thing or not.
“And?”
She pressed her eyelids, releasing a breath she didn't even know she was holding.
“I told them that I wanted them to meet someone.”
“Alright.”
“You’re okay with it?”
“Yes, my love. I’ll be there with you.”
And that's what Morrigan loved about you, you were always with her and never for her.
You never expected any reward from being in her life, except her sweet nothings.
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Late Night Comfort (Morrigan x Reader)
Warnings: Angst and fluff
After another bad breakup, you go to your bestfriend for comfort, when something snaps into place.
I run away, tears falling down my face as I make my way through the beautiful streets of Velaris.
I couldn’t notice any of its beauty right now, not as my now ex-girlfriends words were ringing through my head.
We had been having a discussion once again about letting people know about our relationship. I had told her when we first got together that I wasn’t, and might never be ready to be out about anyone I loved.
“You’re selfish Y/N. This isn’t just some fling anymore, I actually love you!”
Those words were the killing blow. I knew after that, that no matter how much I wanted her to understand, she would never believe me when I told her that my reluctance to let people see in was the reason, and not her.
I had still fought for her though, because I loved her. I mean, I thought I loved her.
Now… I wasn’t so sure. I was still sad, but I also felt surprisingly empty, like part of me had already moved on.
Maybe it was because I knew this had been coming for a while. The way she tried to hint to her friends that we were more than we appeared, her attempts to plant kisses on my cheek in public places.
So maybe I had known, but I still had hoped. Hope that someone would understand.
I made my way up to the front door of my friend, Morrigan. She had been with me through every bad breakup, partied the nights away with me until I was too drunk to remember why I had been sad in the first place.
So I knocked on her door, hard enough to wake the neighbors up from a dead sleep.
Normally I wouldn’t wake her up at such a late hour, but it felt almost as if there was a string tugging me towards her. It was like that sometimes, like we were connected, she understood me so well sometimes it scared me.
As I wait for her to answer, I huff a laugh as I think of the first time I met her, how dorky I was and the gigantic crush I had on her.
She was, and is, way out of my league, and even if that wasn’t a problem, I had no idea where she stood with females. I know she’s had quite a few flings, but I don’t know where her heart lies.
I sigh, realizing that she may not even be home, and turn around to leave when her door creaks open.
“Y/N?” Mor’s tired voice called out, opening the door wider as I turned around.
I ran up the stairs of her porch, launching myself into her arms, barely holding back another wave of tears.
“Oh, hey, it’s okay.” She murmured into my hair, drawing me more tightly into a hug. “Hey, come inside, everything will be alright.”
She led me inside, locking the door behind her, and I went over to her stupidly extravagant couch and sat down, sniffling back the rest of my tears.
“I’m going to make us some hot cocoa, you don’t move.”
After two warm mugs or hot chocolate and me spilling everything that happened, I was exhausted, half laying on her shoulder.
“That’s awful.” Mor said, petting my hair. “You’re not selfish Y/N, and you did nothing wrong.”
I shuddered, trying not to start crying again. “But I did. She’s right, I should have just sucked it up and let people know-”
Morrigan grabbed my chin gently, pulling my head so I was looking into her eyes. “No. If she had truly cared about you, she wouldn’t have kept pulling those little tricks in public. She crossed a line, and honestly, I think you should have dumped her right there and then.”
I laughed lightly, trying not to think about the deep emotion behind her words as her rich brown eyes bored into mine. “You’re forgetting she dumped me.” I say, looking away in an attempt to hide the blush that was now creeping up my cheeks.
“Her loss.” She says, and normally it would be just another reassurance, but the way she said it felt more… personal.
I look at her again, and she’s studying me, her brows knit together in concentration.
My breath turns shallow as she leans forward, her head tilting slightly as she cupped my face with her hand-
And then she gasps, and I feel it too. That string that I felt connecting us- it wasn’t just some emotional attachment as I thought it was.
It was a mating bond.
I quickly pull away at the wide look in her eyes.
She was horrified, she didn’t want this- she was never going to talk to me again.
I went to move off the couch, to run away, to vomit, I didn’t know.
I’m stopped by her hands on my shoulders, pulling me forward and kissing me deeply.
I’m dizzy as she pulls away, both of us gasping for breath. “Don’t go.” She said, letting go with one hand to tuck my hair behind my ear.
“Please don’t go.” She repeats, hugging me closer to her.
I open my mouth to apologize, but I stop. Maybe, maybe for just a minute, I could let myself imagine this is real, that she actually wants me.
So I wrap my arms around her, hugging her back for a long time, and eventually I fall asleep in her arms.
#a court of frost and starlight#a court of mist and fury#a court of silver flames#a court of thorns and roses#a court of wings and ruin#acomaf#acotar#acowar#morrigan#morrigan x reader#morrigan x Y/N#Mor#acotar fanfiction#acotar mor#actor morrigan#fluff#velaris#night court#gay#wlw#wlw love#sarah j maas
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hiya! canvas, hair, favourite for all your gals? c:
Hullo! :D
But of course!
(also thank you for sending the question about scars, I remembered I forgot a scar on the last piece up, jkasfneaksaf)
Tis the prompt list
canvas: Does your OC have any scars, piercings, tattoos, or other markings? Do they display or cover them up at all?
Alyra: Sylaise vallaslin in blue, three long scratches on her left jaw and cheek, reaching to her clavicle thanks to the Archdemon, quite the set of scars around her body. She proudly displays everything, as a reminder for other people of what she is and what she did. Whether it intimidates them or fill them with respect is not her problem.
Raina: Free Mages tattoo on her left bicep, in red. The widest set of scar of all around her body. She was never properly trained with daggers and things were messy at the start. The biggest one is the one from the Arishok on her belly. She doesn't really care about hiding them, she's self conscious on other things.
Aisling: Ghilan'nain vallaslin in teal, it spreads all over her body and she's very proud of it. She started hiding it in Haven, because it labelled her instantly as "different" and she wanted to blend in. It took her a while, but she's not afraid of showing it. Some scars all around, the more notable are one on the right bust, right below her ribcage. She got stabbed in Crestwood and she doesn't like it because it cut her tattoo. She minds scar because they disturb the tattoos, LOL.
In the Whale AU she has a big one on her left calf: a shark bit her. As a form of greeting, of course, she found it cute.
Radha: Dirthamen vallaslin, in purple. Broken nose if it counts as a scar. Long scars running on the bent betwen her first and second phalanges, and in the middle of her palm. She grabbed a knife from the wrong end trying to set herself free. She managed! Unfortunately getting rid of the knife owner and his friends took a while, and she reached the healer too late for the tendons to heal properly. "It's just a flesh wound". cit.
hair: How does your OC wear their hair? Does it have some kind of meaning?
Alyra: She's for practicality and cleanliness: she started growing her hair long in Amaranthine, when it was comfortable to do so and she had the environment and time to take care of it. She's proud of her hair, wears it braided. Appearance is another form of armour, she likes the handiwork.
Raina: Short pixie/boyish cut. If it reaches her chin she chopped it off. She hates herself with long hair, doesn't feel like herself with long hair, it's impractical and she hates spending so much time taking care of it. So short? A piece of soap, some oil, ten minutes in the bathtub and she'd good to go.
Aisling: She loves to braid her own hair and the ones of people she loves, she's pretty good at it. She expresses love in touch, and it's another version of it. It's tied to sweet memories: Deshanna used to praise her hair colour, and would most often braid her hair for her when she was a child, she learnt from that that braiding and combing hair is a treat, for yourself and others.
Radha: Her hair is curly, and requires more care than she's comfortable about. She can be vain, but her hair gets in the way, and she doesn't like how she can't untangle it if not wet. She's the one that experiments the most with her hair: She had it long, braided, mid-lenght, tried five different undercuts. Going on in life, she'll just shave it off and go for a buzz cut, she can't be bothered anymore.
favorite: Does your OC have a favorite article of clothing or accessory? What is it? What's the meaning behind it? Do they wear it all the time or do they wear it sparingly to keep it safe?
Alyra: A golden necklace with roses and a raven feather as a pendant. It's Morrigan's of course, we can assure no witch-bird was harmed to pluck the feather, she lost it on her own and Alyra picked it from the ground and refused to let it go. She wears it at every formal event when some statement jewelry is required.
Raina: Malcolm's old gauntlets. She and the others split the armour, she got the gauntlets. it's her pair of armour gauntlets, she's not that careful in mantaining her things, but those gloves. They are always oiled and well kept. They were a little too big but she padded them on the inside not to alter them too much.
Aisling: Cullen's coin, which she had Dagna mount as a necklace, with an enchanted harness and an enchanted strip of silk that can't be broken. She takes it off to sleep and bathe. She was pretty fond of a pendant Deshanna gifted her when she was adopted, it was enchanted and a good luck charm. She lost it in the Conclave.
Radha: A pair of amethyst earrings that was the bonding gift her father gave to her mother. She rarely takes her earrings off, and that too. She took one off as a very unfortunate bonding gift to allegedly the wrong person, the earring had a little adventure in the Dreadwolf's pocket before it got back home.
#character design ask#that was long wasn't it :"D#long post#blorboposting#(starting the tag so I can find these later)#that necklace survived the science bros testing it#yes they tested it (the coin was spared the testing) they know that the silk catches fire when it reaches too high a temperature#Aisling would catch fire and combust way before the necklace#at that point she was content and said it was good to go#Dorian: “Wait aren't we testing how low a temperature it can bear?” Aisling: “!!!!! WE ARE! :D”#Cullen: “Why is it snowing in the undercroft?” Aisling: “Security reasons of the utmost importance.”#*the undercroft is full of snowmen in Calvin and Hobbes style*
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lmaoo i actually saw a post about how to properly censor images; because AI can just remove black bars now and read what's underneath, you have to actually delete the part you're trying to hide and THEN add the black bars on top just to denote that you removed something. i obviously don't care about confidentiality when it comes to something as silly as my sims story, but it's good to know for anyone who works with important web documents!! soooo you're gonna need more than x ray vision because those words are not on the photo anymore :P
mmmm cornbread and mac & cheese sounds so good, i would love to try baking it on top to make kind of a crispy casserole texture. i love to crush up potato chips and put them on top of avocado toast :D ohhh and i love dipping french fries in vanilla milkshakes
ANYWAY MY CHARACTERS (can you tell i'm hungry fjskjds) i think stevie has a remarkable ability to eat really nasty things just to make people laugh but otherwise she eats normally. elaine will try any of those novelty desserts like bacon dipped in chocolate or fried oreos because she has a sweet tooth. asa & beth being vegans can put together a meal from the most random forgotten food at the back of the cupboard. oh and casper will eat THE weirdest food when he's bulking up lmao because he's naturally skinny so his goal is just to pack in as many calories as possible; drown a ham roast in mayo, add shots of olive oil & eggs to protein shakes, cover salmon with peanut butter, etc etc. nasty stuff lol
@morrigan-sims lmaoo i believe your word, don't worry ;-; i love that you have such solid memories because i do the same thing with the media i love (like the day i started watching supernatural with my friend because our school had a half day due to a big snow storm in 2012 fjskjd) so i'll take it as a huge compliment that you remember where you were when you started reading frozen pines! thank you so much for all your kind words 💖 i've just been feeling insecure for reasons that have nothing to do with any of the lovely people who read my story, but the love i got in response to that post made me so happy anyway!! i can't say thank you enough, especially to you in particular because you've always been SO kind to me and i appreciate everything you've done for me 💗💗 i hope you have a wonderful day morri!!!
my bad i didn't see this until thursday fjksjds 🐪
i'm so sorry if i forgot to answer this or if i did answer it and i just can't remember, my memory has been BAD bad lately but this made me so happy to read!! thank you so much for spending your time with my story 🥺 i really appreciate it 💖💖
i'm also sorry if i forgot to answer this ahhhhh :( but that's a good question!! most other ghosts we've seen don't have enough consciousness to even realize that finn is different from them, let alone be jealous of him. they're trapped in their own little worlds with no awareness of their surroundings. it's really bleak :(
#i'm clearing my inbox now because i still have asks in there from simblreen fjskdjs but i think i've answered everything now!#if i missed yours i'm so so sorry it was not intentional#brain fog is a hell of a drug....#well i'm saving a couple messages so i can take screenshots for you or put more thought into my response#it's probably been so long you don't even remember that it was you who sent the message lmaooo but i'm trying my best#asks#anonymous#nonsims#brandi answers#morrigan-sims
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Browsing your Josie tag and giving you a red knee owner high five. Mine is Morrigan and recently fully grew back a leg she lost when she molted a couple winters ago (too dry! I've been very careful since). I love the little slight differences in spiders, mine is a little more fuzzy in the legs so she looks Lorger. Same bald ass if startled tho. Pics of her resting post her most recent molt.
Oh how lovely! I’ve been lucky so far and haven’t had any issues with Josie’s molts. Honestly in general she’s been super easy? She’s not super skittish (minus when I accidentally sneezed over her tank 🙃), molts like a charm, and doesn’t even hide that much. Obviously she spends most of her time in her burrow but she also comes out to the front for meals and doesn’t seem bothered at all about being seen by me. I’ve seen other people talk about not seeing their tarantulas for months because they’re hiding but she’s not really like that?
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I'm feeling like having a word vomit regarding Dragon Age romance.
So, like, a few weeks ago now I finished a replay of Dragon Age: Inquisition with a Solas romance (wanted to see what all the hubbub was about). I also struggled and struggled and eventually got Dragon Age: Origins to play on my computer, so I started that (still crashes but can sustaibably play for a bit if I don't tab out). Since I couldn't start at DAO, I spent time reviewing stuff in Dragon Age Keep.
I've already ranted about how I got cucked twice on PS3 from a Leliana romance, and how that first time led me to romance Morrigan (didn't finish the second one out of spite), but that led me to experiencing moments in my first (and, for a while, only full) DAI playthrough to have tidbits of Warden×Morrigan dialogue, so I didn't get to experience anything from what I had hoped to experience with Leliana. I thusly proclaimed in DAK that the Warden romanced Leliana. And every moment Lady Nightingale shared with the Inquisitor about the Warden was just about everything I needed. It was great. 10/10 will do again.
Regarding Hawke and the Dragon Age 2 romances, I've always been enamored by Merrill. She's so damn cute and driven and studious and ajhsvrosj. Naturally, I set her as Hawke's romance in DAK. Unlike Leliana's dialogue, though, I didn't get much about Merrill. You don't spend enough time with Hawke for the Inquisitor to become friends with the Champion, and I yearn for my powerful blood mage.
In DAK, I maintain a "This Is My Ideal World State—My Personal Canon" option, and it changes every so often if I care enough to review it. Naturally, this replay and re-dive into Dragon Age led to me caring, so I went through it all again after finishing DAI. All the art I've seen on here and the continued excitement of the fandom despite only having blips of communication and non-game media from BioWare helped push this, too. Despite my absolute love for Leliana and Merrill, I think my headcanon for the overall story has changed.
I think it's become Warden/Morrigan and Champion/Fenris.
For the former, a male Warden being Kieran's father sends me to a place in my mind that I haven't yet explored, and I love that. I don't remember much of any of the connection being deeply regarding in my first DAI playthrough, but I want there to be more for it, and I think this situation will be incredible. I'm sorry for taking the love of your life away, Leliana. I still love you.
For the latter, I've seen some amazing art depicting Fenris finding Hawke in the Fade, and there's something about it that just fucking slaps so damn good. I don't doubt that Merrill would do the same, but Merrill has a lot of responsibility that she's taken based on what I know from the games—she has other people she needs to protect. I don't know—maybe I just feel like it'd be garder for her to pursue Hawke with all that. (NOT TO MENTION THAT BIOWARE FORCES HAWKE TO BE VERY AGGRESSIVELY ANTI TO BLOOD MAGIC IN DAI WHICH EITHER MAKES THEM A HYPOCRITE ABOUT MERRILL OR FUCKING ABUSIVE TO HER.) Again, I don't fully know, but Fenris going after Hawke in the Fade is just a powerful image that I love so much. Merrill I absolutely love you, and I would never talk shit about blood mages in a general sense that would have to include you because it's said so generally.
In regards to DAI romances, my first was Cassandra, which was partially accidental because I was kind of flirting with a lot of people but would often talk to her first. I really liked it, too, especially when she and my Inquisitor would hide away with each other once she was the Divine. There's something so sweet and powerful about that. However, I feel like the Solas romance will end up being my ideal canon. I don't know. It wasn't that it was exceptionally fantastic to play through, but I think it has the greatest potential for intrigue in future games, especially Dragon Age: Dreadwolf (obviously). Like, The Iron Bull is hot, but his romance is weirdly lacking after climax, with sex being one of the only obvious elements of it. While I love Cassandra as the Divine and romancing the Inquisitor, I think I want Leliana as the Divine, so that plot intrigue becomes limited. And the other romances, while often enjoyable, just don't have the power of plot driving them for me. (I desperately want to romance Scout Harding, though. So bad. I know she can get with Sera, but I'm down for a throuple.)
All the romances (except Sebastian) have their merit and fun, but Morrigan–Fenris–Solas will probably keep as my canon. Kind of sucks because I normally like with queer ships but I see my Hawke as female.
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･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.
Azriel x pregnant! reader (part two)
part one
word count: 1391
For a month after your encounter with the High Lady, it became the norm for you to spot one of the Court members lingering across the street, outside one of the many stores on the same street as your's. None had approached you in that time, but it still made you feel anxious to walk home after work. It was Morrigan more often than not, and Cassian (who made his presence known by waving at you through the window but never actually entering). You must have seen the High Lord twice at least, and the High Lady a couple more times than that.
After that month, however, it had stopped. It was a good job too, as your growing bump was becoming something that was increasingly hard to hide. Well, it was practically impossible to hide now. At thirty one weeks, your belly was round before you, and you knew with the rate at which it grew, you wouldn't be able to see your own feet soon. It was quite a queasy thought to have.
Maria - one of your shop workers and seamstresses - had been the one you had approached with the hopes she would step in as manager as you were away on maternity (for a raise of course). The dark skinned fae had agreed readily, a smile so bright on her face that it nearly blinded you. She had worked for you the longest out of your current workers in store, nearly five decades actually. As fae lived so long, changing professions was not uncommon, and you knew that eventually Maria would want to move to something else, so perhaps this would be good experience for her. Maria had also been excited at the prospect of seeing a tiny baby at business meetings you would eventually have to attend again.
Working had become increasingly harder for you as they grew, your feet swollen and body aching all over as you lugged through the day. And with the added stresses of Azriel on your mind, you just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry more often than not. For your own sanity, you had cut your own workload down significantly in preparation for when you'd be out of work for at least three months. Knowing how much you struggled now, you had little doubt that you would be out for longer than that. So far, you had planned a total of three months with no meetings and no in shop work time. Meetings had been changed and rescheduled, and quite a lot of work had been slowed down.
You slumped into the black velvet armchair in the dimly lit break room, lifting your feet onto the stool carefully. A hand placed over your belly, you felt the little being thump against it gently. A smile spread across your tired face at the feel of them. "I know, I know. I'm stressed out. I know you don't like that," you mumbled, leaning your head back against the plush pillow, sighing contentedly.
There was still so much to do so much to prepare for still. The nursery wasn't even half completed yet, your house hadn't been baby-proofed at all, and there was still so much to buy —
Your eyes snapped open, staring up at the dark green ceiling, heart speeding up. The familiar tugging you felt whenever your lover was near nagged within your chest. It appeared that the shadowsinger had finally returned.
You sat up straight in the chair, awkwardly shuffling your legs to the ground, heart beginning to beat faster in your chest. Shit, did he even know? Of course he did, that had most likely been the reason he had left. Or had he truly not known and had just had enough of you?
"Y/N," he spoke, already stood in the doorway, looking ashamed in the least. He was earlier than Feyre had said by two weeks, though you hadn't believed he would seek you out after his return.
You pushed yourself up from the plush chair to give yourself some even footing against the Illyrian, though he still towered above you. "Azriel. I wasn't expecting you."
He pursed his lips and nodded, staring at the bump. He didn't particularly seem surprised by the roundness of it, perhaps only a little startled at the size. But you could tell by the shame in his hazel eyes that he had known.
"I'm sorry," he said, meeting your intense gaze.
You shook you head, a frown creasing your features, "sorry? You just walked away when I needed you the most. And I thought you loved me."
"I do, I was just being a coward and I didn't know what else to do."
You scoffed at him. "You should have stayed, Azriel. We've been together for decades. Years of commitment down the drain just because you were scared of being a father."
"I know."
"Did walking away help at all?" you pressed on, despite the discomfort evident on his face. This confrontation was one which you had to have, he couldn't just come walking back in only to back out again.
He shook his head, "no, it didn't. I was stupid."
"You were. We've worked through hardships before, why couldn't you just talk to me about it before making any rash decisions?" you looked up at him expectantly. Of course you understood the reasons for his abandonment, but it still wasn't enough to prove to you that it was a good enough reason for him to never come back to you. And it wasn't enough to prove he would be a terrible parent as he had apparently convinced himself he would be if he was involved. Apparently that had given him a good enough reason to leave you. Did he not truly love you enough if that was all it took?
"I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to hurt you. But I did. I know that now," he stated, looking down to his feet through the swirling darkness surrounding him, that now nearly swallowed him, yet still reached out to be closer to you.
"And you didn't know that then?" you asked him pointedly.
"I did. I just thought it would hurt less than me doing something wrong and messing up them up for good."
"I know that your father wasn't a good person," you stepped closer to him, close enough to touch him, "and I know that you are nothing like him. So do you. But you still walked out. Did you think not being there would be better than making mistakes, by what... not being good enough?"
You blinked back you tears, bottom lip jutting out slightly, he met your gaze again, "it was stupid. I don't want our child to feel abandoned, like they're worthless and that I don't care about them."
"Then you need to be able to prove it. Can you do that? Or is it too much to ask of you?" it was a gentle question, but the words hit him hard.
"I want to be there," he admitted.
You felt relieved to hear those words, but it did not change the fact that he had still left. What if he would go on to do it again? It wasn't just you that you had to think about anymore, it was the life you were bringing into this cruel world. No matter how much you loved him, how much he had hurt you too, you had to put your child first.
"Then you will be. But you can't go back and fourth."
"I won't. I'll make sure to be there, I'll make sure to give them everything that I can," he promised, sincerity lacing his gruff voice.
"We should talk more about this when I've finished. Can you be at mine at eight?"
Work still had to be done, and it would be best to discuss this more thoroughly in a private environment. There was no doubt that you would be tired at that time, but you could not put this conversation off as you feared that if you did that for too long, it would never end up happening.
He nodded his head, "see you soon Y/N."
You watched as he retreated from the room, heading back through the shop he had entered through.
"You too, Azriel."
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.
@mis-lil-red
#azriel x reader#azriel x oc#azriel angst#azriel#feyre archeron#cassian#morrigan#rhysand#acotar fic#acotar x reader#acotar fanfiction#acotar
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How does Elain go from having to take a shot to be around Nesta at her lowest, siding with her abusers and telling Nesta she disregards her trauma while simultaneously doing the same thing (which btw pissed me off so bad, like Nesta didn't spend most of Acowar worrying about her) to her following Nesta to her Court? I did wonder if Feyre and her ever felt jealous about Nesta's bond with thr Valkyries, because at the end of the day, they are the people Nesta chose
God, I hate canon.
The short answer is that like so much of the Extremely Nonsense characterization in acosf, is that I'm overwriting it. I'm throwing it out.
The idea that Elain and Nesta's everything, when so much of their experience presents them as pair, a team, could be ONE-SIDED is just....enormously bad writing?
They're friends. They're each other's entire stable lifeline from their early teens on and that's Hard and Complicated but also so, so important.
The even longer answer is that the Elain is Bitchy but We Applaud conversation in acosf does not happen in Your Heart. She's complicit the pure trash intervention - which her and Nesta talk about! Elain made bad choices between panic and disassociation! Neither of them had the tools to help themselves, much less each other! ELAIN APOLOGIZES-
Because.
Because she didn't know.
Not the extent and not the whole shape of what was happening. It is in Rhysand's best interest to keep the Mega Powerful sisters a) down for the count and b) under complete control and it shows.
Separate, they're easier to handle. Manipulate. Keep in a way that pleases Feyre, but ALSO does not effect a very careful status quo.
Elain can deny a lot, busy right on the edge of breaking, keeping her hands busy while her heart is numb, while her mind is something she can't trust and it afraid of- but ultimately, even Elain snaps.
It’s exceptionally long coming. She misses Nesta. She knows she fucked up- Elain thinks everything she does at this point is fucking up- she knows she has no idea how to help- she knows Nesta has people who are helping-
But. Elain is her sister.
And I reject the idea that she has none of the Archeron stubbornness because she likes flowers.
Elain is trying to figure her shit out so that she can even face Nesta...and then Nesta is gone. Nesta is gone and NO ONE will tell Elain where she is. No one even seems worried, except for Azriel. Cassian is supposed to love her- if anything Feyre says is true- and he’s more busy cursing her name and destroying shit.
Elain’s sister is gone, could be in danger, and the IC vibe is...good riddance?
And then one day, over breakfast, Rhysand makes a joke about it. And Feyre laughs.
About Nesta dying out there.
Elain learned to be ‘nice’ because it gave her social lassitude, to smile at the right times and be quiet- Elain doesn’t say anything. She eats her breakfast. She grimaces down her shitty tea, because this house only ever serves Feyre’s favorites.
She goes upstairs and tries to see the future.
Elain’s magic is like a second self, feared and misunderstood inside her. A fugue state- but she writes herself notes. She doesn’t necessarily read them- Elain is afraid of what she sees, afraid of what the future might have to say about her- and Seer! Elain hides things.
(See the note Lucien references in chapter 1)
Because cognizant Elain is not stupid- she’s almost never allowed to be alone. There’s always Azriel. The wraths. Rhysand down the hallway.
But shoved in books and written in the same code they used to use as adolescents to talk about their governess, Elain had written about Nesta.
Nesta, alive. Nesta, free. Nesta, braver and stronger than Elain, who’d cast off a whole unfit destiny rather than hide.
And Elain is furious.
Feyre, dying. Nesta, threatened with death. Her mate, who Feyre won’t stop trying throwing her at- who is already married to someone else. Several someones else.
The future was not set, and the Night Court wasn’t safe.
Elain walks right out the front door. Goes to the garment district, lace of a gown she didn’t choose flapping around her, and buys a dress. Red- like blood, half-dried. Vanserra scarlet, realer than her dreams.
And when Morrigan finds her, muttering under her breath about babysitting, Elain will smile her most vacant smile and float along, allow herself to be brought back to Feyre’s huge, cold, house.
There was time to wait, but it wasn’t too late, and Elain wasn’t about to let there be a world where Nesta thinks she hates her.
#much like how I refuse to write Nesta as an apologist to her Shit Shit Shit Father#I also refuse to write Elain hating her#the girl power! you baby me talk?#could have been good#BUT WASN'T#Elain IS a mess and she knows it and that makes the spiral worse?#because Elain was raised To Always have it together#and she's having a magic crisis#and a lil sexuality crisis#and a BIG#WOW I HATE EVERYTHING HERE INCLUDING MYSELF crisis
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Lets talk about Azriel’s shadows...
I think that a lot of people seem to forget what Azriel’s shadows actually represent and what different reaction from them actually mean.
Lets start at the very beginning to his childhood... For the first 11 years of his life, Azriel lived in a cell with no windows or light. He was allowed to come out only for an hour a day, and to see his mother for one hour every week. There are many different ways that one can argue how Azriel came to acquire his shadowsinging abilities or whether it was something genetic (either way, its very rare). Rhysand did mention that he might’ve learned to speak to his shadows in the cell that he was kept in. Either way, his shadows are not something of his past that he necessarily wants to remember. Whether he’s appreciative of those shadows now does not reflect the fact that they were born out of fear and loneliness.
In terms of personality, it’s very important to note how he reacts to things and different people. The way that I see it, he uses his shadows as a defense mechanism. Whenever he’s in an uncomfortable situation, he tends to hide in a corner and his shadows surround him to block from sight. However, when he’s in a good situation or surrounded by certain people, they seem to go away. A lot of people see that as a bad thing, but his shadows are not only supposed to represent his powers, but also his very traumatic past. Soooo you might ask, what exactly do the shadowsinger’s shadows represent?
Well, here is my take. Those shadows in terms that are not power-based, represent that very same cell that he was locked in for the first 11 years of his life. I’m not talking about Nuala and Cerridwen here. I’m talking about his defense mechanism shadows. This wonderful male was trapped without social contact, friends, or anyone to rely on. So yeah, he will be introvert. He has a family, but that doesn't stop him from the fact that his social skills will not be the best in comparison. His shadows represent his loneliness that he feels he deserves and craves when he feels cornered. For the first 11 years of his life, that was ALL HE KNEW. When his shadows “brighten” or are nowhere to be seen, I can imagine that as being the hour he had out of his cell every day. That feeling of relief and freedom. Yes, he needs to learn to accept himself more and who he has become. However, that can be done in the sense that his shadows do not have to be around him ALL THE TIME.
Now, in terms of relationships:
Mor: His first love. At the young age of around 19. Only 8 years after he’s been let out into society and learned his way through. Does he even know how to handle love?? Probably not. He was born a bastard and probably saw his mother being treated like shit by his father and stepmother. So I doubt love is something he believes in at this point. However, he does fall in love with her. His reaction to that? What he knows best. Avoidance. That dark cell still very present in his mind. That feeling of being very aware of how broken you are but don’t know how to fix it. He does not want to put that burden on Mor. Everything that happens between Cassian and Mor probably makes him feel even worse. Throughout the years though, he can’t help but feel happy just to be around her and in her presence (hence why his shadows disappear). It can be argued that he's known that she hasn't been interested for a while. Maybe what he truly craved wasn't the actual love that he wanted from Mor, but the feeling of love that came from her that made his shadows go away. He craved it and wanted to be around her for that feeling.
Elain: The first time that Azriel meets Elain is in the human lands. She asks him if he can truly fly. He blushes and gets flustered, and why? Do you think that maybe a lot of people haven't bothered to see him in a certain light to ask those type of questions? I mean sure he has his family, but this human girl that is supposedly terrified of him because he’s fae, asks him such a simple and light-hearted question... Slowly but surely, in ACOWAR he beings to get more comfortable with her. She’s broken but at the same time, holding on. He takes notice of a certain light that she radiates as well as her seer powers a little bit later. The first time they’re brought over to the House of Wind, she calls his scars beautiful. The importance of this scene is very overlooked. She called the thing that makes him the most insecure, induces the most amount of fear, and creates his hatred... beautiful. This woman that barely knows him has already accepted every part of him. He further loves to glance out at the garden (a place of happiness that reminds him of Elain) and loves to look at that hidden light in her eyes that makes his shadows either brighten or disappear. It’s very similar to the feeling with Morrigan, but more direct and has incentive. Now, lets talk about truth-teller (the knife that always strikes true). That is one part of himself that he has never shared with ANYONE. Why did he give her truth-teller? Because Elain has already accepted every part of him. Truth-teller is an extension to himself in a sense. Something that belongs wholly to him and makes him feel safe. He trusts Elain enough to give her a part of himself. A very vulnerable moment never seen before by Azriel. In ACOFAS, When Azriel asks about Lucien, he truly does not want to spy on him. It could be for privacy reasons because of Elain but also because he’s afraid of what he’ll see from him in terms of Elain. His siphons gutter and he stutters over his words. Now, winter solstice was a very light-hearted moment but very important as well. As we can tell, Elain is the perfect gift-giver. She gives Azriel a potion for his headaches which is perfect and very hilarious since he laughs (he’s never laughed before in Feyre’s presence). It’s very telling to Elain’s personality as being a very attentive person which amounts to her really caring about Azriel and what’s going on with him. He tends to be pretty hidden and keeps a poker face most of the time, so for her to notice the little things like that is very important. I rest my case..... for now.
Gwyn: I honestly cannot say much about this ship. What I can say are from pages I have been sent and trends I have been seeing through Azriel’s personality. It seems to me like Azriel is the least tense around people he considers his friends and brothers. Even though he's usually pretty serious anyways, the bat boys seem really comfortable with each other. When Mor was around (especially in ACOMAF), he would get worried. However, when she wasn't paying to him, his shadows would disappear (similar things happened with Elain). It seems to me like Gwyn has an outwardly fun personality and Azriel has no problem with that because he is not worried about anything happening. The most I’ve seen from the books between them is simple banter that included the rest of the friend group. When either of them talk, what I’ve seen from Azriel is amusement. That amusement results in Azriel’s shadows dancing around HIMSELF. Not anyone else. No, the shadows did not dance around Gwyn or any other person. I currently see this as a friendship and would need more build-up for me to even ship it. It seems like Azriel seems fine acting like this with people he is not worried about catching feelings with.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
#acosf#acotar#azriel#azriel meta#biggest wingspan#azriel's shadows#elriel#elriel vibes#pro elain#elain x azriel#azriel x elain#morrigan#the gentle grower of things#elain archeron#acosf spoilers
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I would go under the Mountain for you
Request: @eve-d : Could you do a don’t look a me like that, maybe Azriel looking at the reader like he loves her and she doesn’t know how to react yet or Azriel asking her if she’s wearing his shirt and teasing her thank u
A/N: Hey, I hope this is not too far from what you wanted. I'm sorry, I got carried away a little bit when writing this, maybe it's too angsty!
Word Count: 1.6k
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You were standing at the entrance to the Court of Nightmares, Rhys, Azriel and Mor around you. You hated this. You hated the Hewn City, its people and the role you had to play every time Rhys took you there.
Trying to calm yourself down, you thought of Velaris, your home. The rest of the inner circle that awaited you there. Everything would be fine, you had done this so many times already and it had always gone well.
You thought about the dress you wore, running your hands over the fabric. It helped you prepare for the way you had to act in a few minutes. You thought of the fearless, ruthless person you were in this dress, thought of the respect on the faces of Keir’s people when they saw you.
Suddenly, you felt a movement to your right. Azriel had stepped up, now standing only a few inches away from you. His shadows were uncontrollably swirling around him. He hated these visits just as much as you did, though for a different reason. The darkness there reminded him of his childhood, the location hewn into a mountain of the feeling of being imprisoned.
But today, your friend didn’t look at the mountain before him with his usual concerned face. No, he looked at you. Concerned, yes. But there was something else in his eyes, as he eyed you up and down, that made you shiver. It felt so intimate and gentle. His eyes spoke of comfort and … and affection.
He didn’t look away, even when your eyes met his. Instead, his gaze got even more longing. Never, in the many years you had been alive, had anybody ever looked at you the way he did now. He wanted you, yes. But not only in the physical way that other people’s eyes spoke of when looking at you, no. It looked like he wanted so much more. Kisses and romance, sweet nothings and quiet mornings spent with you. A relationship.
You had had feelings for Azriel for quite some time already but had never told him. Not now, you always thought. There was always something that made it impossible for the two of you to be together. Wars and battles, missions and threats. Not to speak of his obvious love for Morrigan.
“Don’t look at me like that”, you said, turning away from him. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed him shifting his weight and calling his shadows back. Now they clung tightly to his body.
“Like what?”, he quietly asked. You gulped. Had you only imagined this look? Were you so desperate?
Rhys gave you a sign to follow him. Mentally, you prepared yourself for what was yet to come and gulped down your fear as you answered: “Like you could ever love me”.
You didn’t dare looking at his face, sure that you had misinterpreted his behavior. He loved Mor and you couldn’t judge him for it. Now, you just felt incredibly stupid for having said something.
He would never love you. Never. And even if he did, it most certainly wasn’t time for catching feelings now.
Word had that a fae named Amarantha from Hybern had cursed the spring court last night and was building up a court under the mountain. It was only a matter of time, when you would also be enslaved. Azriel knew this. He had helped Rhys to come up with an idea how to hide Velaris. He had said this would possibly be our last visit to the Court of Nightmares. It was only a matter of hours or days.
You pushed your feelings aside. None of your personal relationships mattered now. Keeping your calm in front of Mor’s father was already big enough of a struggle without the threat of war and the fear of losing the person you loved most.
Without risking a glance in his direction again, you held your head up high and strode into the throne room, only shortly behind Rhys, Mor now between you and Az.
What awaited you was the usual sight. Food, drinks, the huge throne and people. But today, nobody even really noticed you. They knew something was going on. They didn’t know what, but most certainly that this was not a normal visit.
Rhys sat down on his throne and everyone around you reluctantly bowed to him. Normally, he stayed on his throne, observing Keir’s people for a while, asserting dominance. Not today. Immediately after having sat down, he shot Mor and Keir a glance and together they disappeared to talk.
You and Azriel were left behind to spy and to keep rumors from spreading.
As confidently as possible you got yourself a glass of wine, sipping on it and watching over the crowd. So far, nothing special had happened. Music had begun to play, but most people just stood there talking to each other, occasionally glancing up to you and the intimidating Illyrian hidden in his shadows next to you.
“Can we talk?”, he asked you so silently that only you could hear it over the music.
“I don’t know what we should talk about”, you answered. You had no intention of anyone overhearing a private conversation. And no intention of realizing that he loved you, only to lose him soon again.
“Y/n”, he started, now sending some of his shadows away to fill out the darkness around the people to listen in on their conversations, “I … You know what I mean”. You dared to look at him. His gaze was the same as before you entered the Hewn City. It almost made your heart stop, almost made you forget that this was impossible. That you had no future.
“Don’t make it worse than it already is, Az”, you said, trying to keep control over your facial expressions, “We don’t even know if we will still be alive by tomorrow. We don’t know what will happen or if Hybern will declare war on us. I … I can’t do this. I can’t. There is no future for this relationship”. You looked away again, acting as if you observed the crowd, but your head was running wild.
“I love you, y/n”, he said. Four words. Only four words that shifted your entire world. He loved you. But this only made it worse. You looked back at his face, wanting to cry at the sight. His hazel eyes glowing in the dark, a rare smile on his face.
“I’m sorry”, you whispered, “I’m not ready for this. Even … even if it weren’t for the conflict with Hybern … there is still Mor. You love her, have loved her for as long as I can remember. I don’t know how to react, I don’t even know what to think”. While saying this, you never shifted your gaze away from him. It broke your heart to see Azriel’s face shift from happy and loving to expressionless. Only his eyes were telling how hurt he actually was.
You had not meant to hurt him that way. If somebody deserved to be loved, it was most definitely him.
All of a sudden the two of you were surrounded by his shadows and he moved with you through the darkness, unseen by the crowd. He didn’t care about his spying job anymore, you saw that on his face. He didn’t care about what the people thought.
You were in a corridor, farther away from the crowd. The music was barely audible through his shadows that still separated you from the outside world.
“I love you”, he repeated, “I love you so, so much. I have loved you for a long time, but never said anything. We are friends, I didn’t want to ruin this. And Mor… yes, I had feelings for her. But they are nothing against what I feel for you. Even … even if this is our last day in freedom, even if Amarantha will get us, it would be worth it. Because I would rather spend a day or even just a few hours with you in freedom than no time at all. I would rather die knowing that we had this time together, than realizing that I was a coward and never got a chance to kiss you”. You stared at him in shock. Never, never would you have thought that his feelings for you ran so deep. And never had you heard him speaking so many sentences without being interrupted or stopping mid-sentence out of shyness.
You were still processing this, when he said: “Rhys is planning something. He … he wants to make sure we are safe. I can see it in his eyes, he is keeping something from us. But even if he fails to protect us … I believe that there is a life after this one. And I believe that we will meet again”.
All you could do was throw your arms around him, hugging him tightly. The possibility of his death was now more prominent than ever, but the fear you had felt all day long disappeared at his touch. You would be safe. And even if not, he would be right by your side.
“I love you too, Az”, you answered, “We will find a way. It will work out. I only wish I would’ve told you a long time ago”.
He held you a little farther away from him, so he could see your face. Then his lips crashed against yours. The kiss told you about his desperation, the yearning he had felt for such a long time, not knowing how to express it. And in this moment, you wouldn’t even have noticed if the world was ending or if Amarantha had arrived here to curse your beloved Night Court too. The only important thing in this moment was Azriel. And now you understood what he had said earlier. Even if you would only have this moment together, it was worth it.
#azriel#azriel shadowsinger#azriel x reader#acotar#shadowsinger#azriel x y/n#Azriel fluff#azriel angst#acotar writing#acotar imagine#azriel imagine
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Here's that ask I promised :D Some more questions for the OC ask meme <3
What is your character's biggest realtionship flaw? Has that flaw ever destroyed relationships for them before?
Companion they are closest to and why?
Thoughts on the Dalish?
What biases does your character have? (This can be in favor or against)
How does your OC react in stressful situations?
What do they like to ridicule and/or what do they find stupid?
Does your OC have recurring themes in their dreams?
What is your OCs proudest moment?
Did you create the OC to be like yourself, did they end up being like yourself, or are they very different from you?
(These are a lot again, it is so hard to hold back xD So take your time and no pressure as always :) Just excited to get to know more about your Astala <3)
Thank you for the ask!! I had this sitting for forever, life has kept me busy, but I'm so excited to give this a go XD And to delve into some aspects of Astala that I haven't given much thought yet, so that's exciting.
What is your character's biggest realtionship flaw? Has that flaw ever destroyed relationships for them before?
Astala's biggest flaw when it comes to relationships is her inability to let go of people. On a positive note, this trait manifests as a very strong loyalty. On the negative side, it will lead her to cry after relationships that have ended and pour over them to try and find out what went wrong. It can also put her or other people she cares about in danger; especially in her position as the de facto leader of the companions, this could quickly lead to the loss of a whole unit (aka the three companions you can take with you on missions + the Warden). Luckily, she has Morrigan and Alistair (and Sten and Zevran) who can and will point out when a course of action is likely to put them in more danger than they already are.
Companion they are closest to and why?
Ooof, this is a tough one. Ironically, the romanceable four. Alistair is practically second-in-command, even though I imagine he’d protest at the title. They work closely together and are therefore quite close. Astala admires and respects Morrigan, even when her opinions and advice goes against most things Astala believes in. She’s the kind of friend you know would hide a body for you. Leliana is a friend in the more “common” sense. She and Astala both have a thing for nice clothing, their morals are similarly aligned, and they just get along in general. And then of course there’s Zevran, who’s Astala’s love interest. Funnily enough, they both started off annoying the hell out of each other over various petty reasons, and it takes them some time to really see each other for who they are. And from that point on there’s no turning back and they fall hard.
Thoughts on the Dalish?
The Dalish are an interesting subject. Astala hadn't met any previous to the Blight (although her cousin Shianni imagined her dad, who she never knew, to be a strong Dalish warrior). So to see them live these relatively normal lives when she encountered Zathrian's clan was... odd. But on the other hand, their lives were everything but normal because they spoke elvish, worshipped the Creators, had halla and could go wherever they wanted. So the first thing Astala did when she got there was ask a metric ton of questions about everything. On the other hand, the way some of the Dalish talk about the city elves makes her sad. They have a point , the city elves would probably treat one of the Dalish similarly, and she understands the distrust in anything that so much as smells of humans; but she still finds the divide tragic. She also thinks the Dalish are a bit too proud for their own good; but then again, how else are you going to defend yourself against a world that threw an Exalted March against your forebears' homeland?
What biases does your character have? (This can be in favor or against)
Astala is generally biased in favour of elves, and in favour of whoever she percieves to be the underdog in a given situation. This can lead her to get duped (it hasn’t yet in my current playthrough, but it probably will at some point).
How does your OC react in stressful situations?
When in stressful situations, Astala generally tries to remain in control of it. To do so, she relies heavily on whatever companions she has at the moment and the resources available, both in the environment and on her person. She tends to try and talk things out, but also to make rash judgements, which uuuuuh can backfire (she's quick to draw her blades, for instance, and that does not exactly help to deescalate situations). She also has a tendency to just seize control. She also will give orders and will expect others to follow them. The companions look to her as a leader, so that works out fine. In Redcliffe, however, she did find that the militia men would listen to the mayor, and not to her. That was frustrating for both parties.
What do they like to ridicule and/or what do they find stupid?
Human nobles. Just the whole package. From their fondness of dogs and their dainty dances (which her father, who was a bann's servant, would describe to her and her cousins) to their pointy-ended shoes and their petty grievances (because when you have enough money to boss other people around, all your grievances are petty, right?). A surefire way to keep the younger kids entertained was to pretend to be a noble, let them play servants, and have them wreak havoc upon you as they got orders wrong on purpose and "stole" the "noble's" belongings. Afyer the Blight, that fondness to ridicule sadly wanes away and leaves mostly frustration in its wake.
Does your OC have recurring themes in their dreams?
Astala is a terribly heavy sleeper. If she dreams, she doesn't remember it come morning. She can therefore sadly not report any recurrent themes in her dreams as of now.
What is your OCs proudest moment?
Apart from the power trip in the Fade (she walked out smiling and continued to smile until Uldred turned into a pride demon), it was probably when she got her first job. She was 14 at the time and overheard some boys talking about how a merchant was expecting a big shipment and looking for new help. Up until then, she had been trying to get a job as a servant like her father, to no avail. On a whim she followed the boys, and lined up with the other hopeful candidates in front of the merchant's warehouses for a try-out (a selection process entailing an unpaid day of work). She proved herself to be strong enough to lift and carry crates, small and nimble enough to climb to where others couldn't reach, and above all she got extremely lucky. She was called back, first for one month, then for a trimester, then for one year and for another. And while Cyrion would have liked his daughter to have an easier and less dangerous job, he was proud right alongside her when she brought the first coins she had earned home.
Did you create the OC to be like yourself, did they end up being like yourself, or are they very different from you?
I created Astala's first version (which I mentioned in this post) based on a character that was very much an ideal; strong, kind, and above all, brave and adventurous. That first heroic version then got put through all the trials and tribulations of the story, and I was very much going with my gut instinct and not with a predetermined idea of the character when I tokk her decisions. So basically, this first versions had a good chunk of my morals and priorities. After the Deep Roads, that first version started getting depth; she reacted very strongly to having to shoulder the responsability of chosing a new king for Orzammar, for Ferelden, and defeating the Archdemon. From that point on, I started exploring why that reaction might have been so strong. Astala as she is now is the product of that exploration (during which she acquired some fears and pain points she shares with me. Examples are the fear of messing up, the sometimes blind loyalty or the need to shoulder all the responsability). Bottom line: she definitely has parts that are mine, some of which she acquired over time, but she's her own person. She's not me.
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That was a lot of fun!! Thank you so much for the ask and sorry for the delay >.< But I'm very happy I finally came around to it, I always love answering these
#astala tabris#dao#dragon age#warden tabris#dragon age origins#dragon age: origins#da:o#da: o#da: origins#the warden#the hero of ferelden
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Consequences
Fixing ACOSF Part 3
Masterlist | AO3
Summary: Nesta tells Feyre what the baby’ll do to her when she gives birth and regrets it as soon as the words leave her mouth. This chapter is a long one and it’s all about being sisters.They would die and kill for each other, we know that, that was never doubted, but where is the scene where they talk like real sisters? Here.
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The next part will be Cassian’s pov from this chapter, which was in the book. I’ve said this already, but my intention is that you can simply pick this rewrite and exchange it with the one in the book and still have all the events before and after match, so I think rewriting his pov is necessary for consistency. That’s also why Nesta is still feeling lost by the end of this: that’s how she felt until they went to the lake.
Nesta snarled, but Feyre stepped between them, hands raised. “This conversation ends now. Nesta, go back to the House. Amren, you …” She hesitated, as if considering the wisdom of ordering Amren around. Feyre finished carefully, “You stay here.”
Nesta let out a low laugh. “You are her High Lady. You don’t need to cater to her. Not when she now has less power than any of you.”
Feyre’s eyes blazed. “Amren is my friend, and has been a member of this court for centuries. I offer her respect.”
“Is it respect that she offers you?” Nesta spat. “Is it respect that your mate offers you?”
Feyre went still.
Amren warned, “Don’t you say one more fucking word , Nesta Archeron.”
Feyre asked, “What do you mean?”
And Nesta didn’t care. Couldn’t think around the roaring. “Have any of them told you, their respected High Lady, that the babe in your womb will kill you?”
Amren barked, “Shut your mouth!”
But her order was confirmation enough. Face paling, Feyre whispered again, “What do you mean?”
“The wings,” Nesta seethed. “The boy’s Illyrian wings will get stuck in your Fae body during the labor, and it will kill you both.”
Silence rippled through the room, the world.
Feyre breathed, “Madja just said the labor would be risky. But the Bone Carver … The son he showed me didn’t have wings.” Her voice broke. “Did he only show me what I wanted to see?”
“I don’t know,” Nesta said. “But I do know that your mate ordered everyone not to inform you of the truth.” She turned to Amren. “Did you all vote on that, too? Did you talk about her, judge her, and deem her unworthy of the truth? What was your vote, Amren? To let Feyre die in ignorance? Or maybe he simply gave the order and you all obeyed your High Lord’s command, dismissing the new High Lady” Before Amren could reply, Nesta turned back to her sister. “Didn’t you question why your precious, perfect Rhysand has been a moody bastard for weeks? Because he knows you will die. He knows, and yet he still didn’t tell you.”
Feyre began shaking. “If I die …” Her gaze drifted to one of her tattooed arms. She lifted her head, eyes bright with tears as she asked Amren, “You … all of you knew this?”
Amren threw a withering glare in Nesta’s direction, but said, “We did not wish to alarm you. Fear can be as deadly as any physical threat.”
“Rhys knew?” Tears spilled down Feyre’s cheeks, smearing the paint splattered there. “About the threat to our lives?” She peered down at herself, at the tattooed hand cradling her abdomen.
And Nesta knew then that she had not once in her life been loved by her mother as much as Feyre already loved the boy growing within her. It broke something in Nesta—broke that rage, that roaring—seeing those tears begin to fall, the fear crumpling Feyre’s paint-smeared face.
She had gone too far. She … Oh, gods.
Amren said, “I think it is best, girl, if you speak to Rhysand about this.”
Nesta couldn’t bear it—the pain and fear and love on Feyre’s face as she caressed her stomach.
Amren growled at Nesta, “I hope you’re content now.”
Nesta didn’t respond. Didn’t know what to say or do with herself. “Don’t talk to my sister like that” Feyre snarled, the sorrow so obvious in her voice that the only thing Nesta could do was turn on her heel and ran from the apartment.
Nesta run down to the street, but she didn’t even know where to go. Feyre’s steps resonated behind her. Nesta could hear her voice calling her, too, but she muted the sound in her head.
She wanted to disappear, to stop existing, that’s what she wanted to do.
Then she heard the pair of wings in the air, aiming towards her in such speed that frightened her a little. Cassian was above her, barely five feet from where she was, but Feyre gripped her arm before he could land, and they vanished.
Nesta had never been to Feyre’s studio, but recognized the space immediatly. She had never been invited, and she had never wanted to go. Nesta didn’t like being in places where she wasn’t welcomed. There were chairs and half painted canvases forming a circle around the center of the room, so Nesta deduced her sister had been in the middle of a class. There was a couch against the back wall, and that’s where Feyre collapsed and started crying her heart out. Nesta aimed for the floor, not daring to sit in the beautiful piece of furniture.
Nesta didn’t ask why she had brought them there, why she had run after her, reaching for her arm before Cassian could.
Feyre didn’t explain either
Her head rested in her sister’s lap, and she joined her in her crying. Feyre’s was loud, unhinged, while Nesta’s was silent. What had she done? How had she allowed herself to go so far?
Nesta wanted to speak, to tell Feyre that she was sorry, but no apology could make up for the words that had already been said. No apology would prevent her from dying when the time came.
Nesta’s heart shattered. Listening to her sister was too much. She had endured her own weeping, the tears that had adorned her cheeks so many nights until she fell asleep, but to hear Feyre… to know she was the one responsible… Nesta hated herself.
For how long they were like that, she didn’t know. At some point, they both run out of tears, their hands together, their fingers interlaced. Nesta caressed Feyre’s palm until her sobbing was completely gone, pressing soft kisses to the inked back of her hand. She couldn’t recall a time when they had ever been like this, this calm, this close to one another. Alone and without fighting.
It was Feyre the who broke the silence.
“I can’t believe he hid something like this from me,” she muttered, her voice so weak Nesta almost couldn’t understand what she was saying.
She raised her head from her sister’s lap to meet her gaze. Her own eyes stared back, mirroring her pain. “I’m sorry”
“For what?” Feyre’s question was not innocent. She was mad at her too.
Nesta didn’t care for Rhysand and his wrath in that moment. She only cared about her sister and the damage she had done to her. She wanted Feyre to know how much she regretted it, bout still didn’t know how to put her thoughts into words. “For telling you.”
“I forgive you” Feyre tried to smile, but her mouth only twitched, a sobbing coming out again. “I’m glad you told me. I needed to know.”
“You shouldn’t. I certainly won’t forgive myself” She was desperate to tint her words with the mess of feelings tangling in her heart, but she didn’t know how. She hadn’t really done this before. She had regretted things, but she had never asked for forgiveness. Not once.
She was glad Feyre was the first one.
“I still forgive you” Her sister’s words were kind. Too kind. It was Nesta’s turn to become a crying mess, tears running down her face again. Feyre rose from the couch, not letting their hands part, holding tight to her sister. She found a place to sit next to Nesta, and hugged her.
“Then I’m sorry for everything else” Nesta murmured.
“It’s okay. I forgive you for that too”
“He will never forgive me”
Feyre took Nesta’s face between her tattooed hands. Her grip was firm, but her body was still trembling. Nesta didn’t want to look at her, but she did it anyway. There was no more hiding “You don’t need his forgiveness. This is not a punishment, Nesta.” Her voice broke, but they both waited for her to find her words back. There was no rush, only understanding “This was not a punishment. I wanted to help you, I really did, but I didn’t know how.”
Nesta shifted, changing her posture to face Feyre better. She still hadn’t let her face go. “I thought you wanted revenge.”
“I never meant to hurt you… to lock you up and take away your choices”. Nesta recognized the words she had once said to Morrigan; the only time she had verbalized to anyone how her sister's actions felt. The blond one had talked to Feyre about their encounter, apparently. Nesta pushed the inked hands that framed her face away and took Feyre’s body in her arms abruptly. She didn’t resist, only moved her arms to go around Nesta’s waist “I only wanted my sister back” she whined.
She understood. Nesta understood. She wanted her family back, too. But a war had happened, and she still doubted she would ever be adjusted enough to be herself again. She didn’t say it, but she knew, somehow, that Feyre understood that too.
Like war drums, the sound of two pairs of wings coming closer made both of them shift in each other’s arms. Through the walls of the studio, only her fae senses made it possible for her to hear the sound they made. Her arms remained wrapping Feyre’s body, her sister still like a statue.
Rhysand and Cassian.
They landed outside, their presences obvious to both sisters.
“I know it will take time for them to listen to me as they listen to him, but I also know they are trying. They are my friends, Nesta, don’t be mad at them” Feyre moved, loosening her grip on Nesta, so she did the same to leave her more space. Feyre rose to her feet. “They’ve been together for over 500 years.” She reached her hand and Nesta took it, getting up as well. The sisters faced each other “What I need, Nesta, if for you and Elain to be there for me too when I can’t resort to them. I know I’ve claimed them as my family… they are my family now, but so are you. I need you. I need my older sister” Feyre’s eyes were glassy, but her gaze burned with fire. Determination.
Nesta forced herself to hold her stare. She wished she could be there. She wanted to, but she didn’t have the strength. She was too lost.
“I will never fit in that perfect family you seek. Doesn’t matter how bad you want it, Feyre, it just can’t be. I’ll never be one of you.”
“You could...”
“But I don’t think I want to” Feyre didn’t say a word, she just listened to her “I don’t know if they can be a family for me”. Nesta wished she could, but it wasn’t just on her end. They didn’t want her either. Morrigan would have sent her to the Mortal Lands. They would get rid of her, if it wasn’t for Feyre shielding her.
You are a waste of life, Amren had told her once.
Nesta was not doing all of this on purpose. She wanted to have her life back more than anyone, but she didn’t know the way. “You can’t control people’s lives, Feyre. Even if you are doing it from a place of love. I wish I could tell you that there is a way, that I’m going to be there for you, but I don’t know if I can promise you that.”
Feyre finally sat back on the couch. She was pregnant, she must be exhausted. Her blue-ish eyes were caught up on the window, the view of the Sidra. Nesta didn’t sit by her side.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when we were younger. If I could go back now, I know what I would change. But I don’t know how to change the past, and I don’t know how to fix the future.”
Nesta didn’t know what else to say. She was sorry. Feyre was sorry too. Yet all their problems remained. Nesta wanted to die, to stop existing, and Feyre wanted her happy and by her side. She knew Feyre would give in, she would always give in if Nesta just asked her to, but she didn’t even know what to ask for. There was no solution for her, no future.
Nesta didn’t have tears left to fill her eyes. She didn’t know how to fix herself, her terrible impulse to hurt others, her high walls. She didn’t know and she didn’t want to find out anymore.
When she stayed close to the people she loved, they were hurt. But when she put distance between them, they still suffered.
She was the problem.
“I will live. And so will my baby. And so will you” Feyre’s words were the sentence of a High Lady, they were not up for discussion. Her sister had grown too much and too fast. She was far from perfect, but she was giving her all to become the ruler her Court needed. One day, she would be. “Run away, take your time if that’s what you need. Come to my house, we’ll kick Rhysand to a guest room so you can sleep in my bed when you have a nightmare. I don’t care. I won’t give up on you.”
It didn’t matter, Nesta had given up on herself.
“You don’t have to fit in the Inner Circle, you know?” She added, her eyes still fixed on the river beyond the glass windows. “You don’t have to be part of the Court. You can just be my sister. You can come see your nephew when he is born, help me teach him how to read, dance…” Not even Nesta’s inner demons could stop the smile that formed on her lips at the image her sister described. She would like to have a nephew.
Feyre saw her face, the trembling lips, swollen, the smile in them. She was smiling too, thought it was a sad grin.
“I haven’t forgotten what you said to me when I came back from Tamlin’s state. Any of it.” Nesta hadn’t forgotten either, the memory of herself encouraging her little sister to go back to the Wall to save her beloved. She had been a fool. That was just another point in the large list of times when she had failed her “You wanted to leave father’s state to him and Elain, and you wanted to see the world. Not what I expected, from someone who had spent her entire life revolving around marriage as the basis for a future.”
Nesta shifted on her feet, eager to understand what her sister’s point was.
“You don’t need to be a lady or a queen without a throne of anything at all. Just take your time, find out who you want to be when every possibility is within your reach. We’ll be waiting for you, whenever you are ready to come back. You’ll always fit in my family, Nesta. And it would be an honor for me to fit in yours.”
There was a knock on the door. An impatient hand moving on the wood to drive their attention.
The door didn’t open for them.
They had been waiting out there for a while, and without seeing him, Nesta could tell Cassian was nervous like a caged animal. Rhysand hadn’t moved, he remained perfectly still, waiting for his mate to go meet him whenever she wanted to.
“I asked Cassian to come” She didn’t mention her husband, why he was there “I’ll take us to the river house if you want to be there from now on. He can take you to the House of Wind, too, if that’s where you want to go.” Nesta dipped into the slightest nod, ready to go out and find Cassian mad at her, but still willing to take her back to her room and wait until he made sure she was okay. She wanted to be alone, but she liked how being alone together felt. Just as her sister, Cassian couldn’t let go of her. She hated it, and she had a feeling that he hated it too. He was out there, with Rhysand… “But there is a third option…”
Nesta waited for her sister to go on. Where else could she go? There wasn’t a place for her. There had never been.
“It was actually Cassian’s idea. He thought you might use a little time outside. You can go together to the Illyrian-”
“I’m not going back to that village” Nesta was not going to the camps. Not all of this again…
Nesta started building up her walls again. Feyre kept her cool. The crying mess she had been a while ago, completely gone, a confident woman replacing her; a High Lady in the making. “I was gonna say Illyrian Mountains. As in actual mountains. You’ll go hiking, I don’t know what he has planned exactly. To talk to him, if you want to.”
Nesta relaxed her back, but kept her posture straight.
“I could give that a try.” she answered. If there was an option where she went out of Velaris, she was taking it.
A smile threatened to form in Feyre’s lips, but she retained it, knowing that Nesta wouldn’t like the expression of victory on her face. Nesta had already seen the corner of her lips move, but pretended she hadn’t. Feyre had a lot to learn about keeping a blank face. She hoped one day she would be in conditions to teach her.
“Your mate is outside” Nesta said, her tone casual, her words heavy like stone.
“He is” Nesta could read her sister like an open book. She was eager to see him again, scared, angry.
She gave her little sister’s hand a tug. “Let’s go see what he has to say.”
Nesta couldn’t yet find a way to help herself, but she was going to face Rhysand, his anger, and she was going to come out on top. She was going to do it for herself, but also for Feyre, who needed her biggest sister having her back.
#nesta archeron#nesta archeron fanfic#nesta archeron fanfiction#feyre#feyre archeron#acotar fanfic#acotar fix-it fic#acosf spoilers#a court of silver flames
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Nyx’s first birthday
review: It is Nyx first birthday, and for the occasion the High Lords of each court are invited, and Feyre is stresses that something happens.
Tonight was Nyx’s first birthday, Feyre and Rhysand were determined to do the right thing for their baby, and, even if Feyre was stressed as she has never been, she agreed to follow the tradition. The first birthday of the child of the high lord, and in that case high lady too, was supposed to be celebrated with his family, of course, but also with the high lords of the other courts. It was their first time meeting the child, except for Helion, who already came to meet him, it was a real surprise for the others. Feyre wasn’t scared of Kallias, Thesan, or even Tarquin, but she was of Beron and Tamlin, she had no idea how the high lord of the Spring court would react when he will meet Rhys’ and her baby. This is why Lucien is in the Spring court for a week now, trying to calm the Beast, and convince him to come, not to make any more scandal like in the past, but to enjoy some company.
Feyre is freaking out, trying to dress up her baby. “Nyx, please baby, stay still”
“Sorry mama”
Feyre was shaking while closing the last buttons of Nyx’s shirt. Rhys arrived in the room. “How are my two favorite people?”
“Papa !” Nyx was running to his father in a second, and Rhys took him in his arms. “Hello, my baby, you are good looking”
“Mama dressed me”
“I guessed that babe. Why don’t you go look for auntie Elain? We will leave for the House of Wind soon.” He let go of his son, who runs to his aunt’s bedroom. “Fey... You need to calm down... Everything will be alright”
“How can you be so sure? What makes you think that Beron won’t try to kill him? Or kidnap him?”
“We won’t let him. Cassian and Azriel are warned, they have to watch Beron and his sons. We both will be with Nyx the entire evening, and if he isn’t with us, he knows he has to stay with someone. And, Fey, if anyone tries to hurt our son, I will kill them myself.”
“I wish I could be so confident” She sighed and looked at him. “If Beron is acting suspicious-”
“If he is, he or Tamlin or anyone, you take Nyx and fly away. As we said, if anything happens, you go hide Nyx to the cabin. Alright ?”
“Okay. Yes, I’ll take him to the cabin.”
Rhys approached slowly his mate by behind and hugged her. “I love you, and you are beautiful in this dress”
“I love you too, and thank you, you know I prefer wearing your shirt”
He laughs “Yes I do” then he gives her little kisses on her neck, slowly. “Come on, everyone is already waiting for us at the House.”
“Let’s go then.”
-
When they arrived, and after saying hello, they went to their place. Rhysand, Feyre, and Nyx we're near the door, to welcome the High Lords and the other guests. Morrigan and Amren were near the banquet. Cassian was with Nesta on one of the couches. Azriel already disappears, and Elain, alongside Gwyn and Emerie were talking on another couch.
Only a few minutes later, the guests started to arrive. Helion was the first to arrive with some people of his court, Nyx was pleased to see him, as always, because he always brings a lot of gifts, and Nyx loves gifts. Soon after him Thesan and his people entered, then Kallias and Tarquin. Feyre was relaxed for now, and Rhysand was looking after her every minute to be sure everything was fine. She was holding her baby in her arms as he was tired to stand. After an hour, Beron accompanied by his wife, the poor lady, and his sons appeared.
“High Lord. Lady” he looked at them in triumph, Feyre could have slapped him in the face just for the lack of respect he gave her.
“It is High Lady,” Rhys answered in his cold voice, the one he usually takes in the court of Nightmares. “I will ask you to show my mate respect before she makes you give her.”
He rolled his eyes. Arrogant. “Sure, High Lady. So I guess this is your son.”
“It is.” Feyre holds Nyx closer to her, mistrustful of the High Lord of the Autumn court. Nyx as a well-behaved kid, politely say hello to Beron.
Then they left to say hello to the other High Lords and to eat.
“See, it’s alright. He knows he cannot reach the limits.”
“He is potentially working with Korschei, Rhys, he is dangerous.”
“I know. But right now Korschei cannot reach us, and Beron isn’t strong enough to try anything against us. So try to relax darling, it is alright.”
“I hate when you are too calm”
“I know, but someone has to, your mother instinct is crazy,”
Arrogant Bastard. Fuck you, she said through the bond. And then hear him laugh. I love you too. She smiled. She stepped closer to Rhys as he holds her against him.
“Everything’s alright kiddo?”
“Can I go play papa?”
“Only one person left, and then yes, you will be able to go play.”
The little kid nodded. A minute later he gave a little scream of happiness and jump from his mother's arms, and runs towards the door.
“Nyx come back here !” Feyre was in a panic when she noticed that Nyx was running to Lucien. The redhead holds him in his arms, a large smile on his face.
“Hello little one, I missed you”
“Hi uncle Lucien, I missed you too” Nyx was shining, he always loved his uncle Lucien, and he hated when he had to go away for business. Lucien was walking to Feyre and Rhys, still holding Nyx, with Tamlin by his side. Feyre froze at the sight of him, Rhys sends a wave of comfort through the bond, and Lucien, as he noticed too, hold Nyx closer to him.
“It is good to see you, Lucien. Tamlin” Rhys salute him, Feyre and Nyx did the same.
“Mama, Papa, can I go play now?”
“Yes, babe, you can”
He jumps from Lucien’s arms, and then looks at him “Can you come to play with me please?”
“Sure” He smiled and follow the little one to play with him.
“He seems... Adorable” Feyre could have told that Tamlin was being a hypocrite, he hated this child before he even met him. Which was unfair, but she didn’t care, as long as he stayed away from her baby. Feyre’s mother instinct grows more every day, she didn’t even know she could have an instinct like that, her own mother never take care of her, how could she know how to take care of a child? But it was natural, the way she holds him, helps him, teaches him. Everything was natural. She has to admit that Nesta helps her a lot, since her sister was feeling better thanks to herself, her friends, and her mate, she had shown a real overprotective form that Feyre never knew she had. Nesta was visiting Feyre every day since her labor, and she loved it. They realized that they didn’t know much about each other, and they were trying to get closer. Nesta herself was happier. You could tell she was smiling more, and she was even trying to be more social. Recently she started talking with Lucien, and they find out that they kind of liked similar things, the first one being Elain. Nesta would never admit it, but Feyre knew she liked Lucien and she found him funny. Even though she told him that she hated his new friends. Nesta still disliked the mortal queen, Lucien was telling her it was because she didn’t know her and that Vassa was kind, but Nesta ignore it and forbid him to have a relation with her, I think I never saw Lucien laugh that much than this day. Indeed, he was already fond of Elain, and would never cheat. Even if they are not a couple. Yet. She started to acknowledge him when she was babysitting Nyx, she had some issues and Lucien was the only one here to help, since then they often babysit together, last time she even agreed to go to the restaurant with him, and when she came back and tell them everything she was shining of happiness. Feyre concentrated again on the discussion.
“He is.” Rhys ends up saying. Tamlin didn’t dare to say anything more and lead to the other High Lords.
The rest of the evening was calm, Nyx opened his gifts, all happy, and eat the chocolate cake Elain made for the occasion. Feyre ended up talking gossip with Mor, she learned that Lucien and Elain spend the evening together, playing with the kid, or just some time alone. Amren and Varian left early, apparently, she had forgotten to lock the door of her apartment, of course, the others knows what it means. Cassian and Nesta, to Feyre’s surprise, didn’t leave the party to spend time together, their mating bond was still so fresh that sometimes they needed to leave in an urge. Rhys spent the evening with all the other High Lords, talking about annoying things that Feyre didn’t want to know. Emerie joined Feyre and Mor in the middle of the evening, Gwyn and Azriel had started a competition and she didn’t want to be in between. Feyre could have sworn that something was happening between the two of them, but they were keeping it a secret.
When the party was over, Feyre, Rhys, and Nyx went back home. Elain decided to sleep at the House of Wind, of course, it was to spend more time with Lucien but she would never admit it. Feyre put Nyx to bed and join Rhys in their room.
“See? Everything was alright” He said when she entered the room
“Yes, sorry I panicked.”
“Don’t be sorry darling, it is normal, I wasn’t so confident either. But they stayed away from our baby”
She climbs into the bed after undressing and Rhys holds her close to him. “As they should”
He laughs “Good night darling”
She smiles and closes her eyes. “Good night”
#acotar#azriel#elucien#gwynriel#sjmaas#acosf#acosf spoilers#lucien vanserra#a court of thorns and roses#acomaf#feyre darling#feyre archeron#rhysand#cassian#nesta archeron#elain archeron#nessian#feysand#nyx#nyx archeron#nyx acotar#morrigan#prythian#high lords
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Blood For Gold Chapter 21
Oh but we aren’t done, let’s unravel this spiderweb completely shall we? All the aces that everyone thought they had are pulled out, and what they thought were aces, just might end up being jokers instead. Also this picture of this dagger? That’s Kushi, before and after it turned to platinum, before it disintergrated into black ash.
@punkhorse96 this is where we come right to the brink of losing everything and this story ALMOST becomes a tragedy only for LOVE TO CONQUER ALL. And save the day and bring it back from the brink of destruction and taking the highroad keeps you from being involved in the tragic “accidents” on the low roads from the head on collisions between the other players in the game. Enjoy Darling, one more chapter to tie all this up in a neat little bow.
Also I would like to make a note- because this mentions pregnancy and in a sense, abortion too- I want to make something clear. I am pro choice. I believe that children can be a blessing, but they above all else, are people and they deserve to be wanted, deserve to be cared for by loving and caring parents who want them and parents who are ready and willing to have them. And not be viewed as the bad consequence for having sex.
Blood For Gold
Chapter 21
“What’s going on now?” Demsey asked you.
“Something between Benny and Sierge that they need to work out.” You answered him.
“Demsey, do remember that favor I asked of you? How you would help me escape the Palace of Windsor?” You prompted, as your tears welled in your eyes because having Demsey so close but knowing that the best thing to do for him was going to be to get worlds apart from him was breaking your heart just thinking about.
“Yes, I have not forgotten.” Demsey reassured you.
“I need to call it in. The moment we return, I need you to bring that trunk down to the stables, I was given Charlico as a gift, and I’m leaving with Heavencrest and Charlico. Because the moment we get back and can get packed, everyone is leaving the Palace of Windsor and my family is going to be going to Mirador to help sort things out.” You informed him.
“Absolutely, I will ride back immediately and meet you in the stables.” Demsey reassured you.
“Thank you.” You thanked him before your parents came and pulled you back to them as they insisted on having a family meeting to discuss what they were going to do as once again, urged them all to go to Mirador and formulate a plan there and that you would have room in Mirador’s stables for everyone’s rides and plenty of rooms for them to stay in even though they weren’t as lavish as the rooms at the Palace of Windsor but your family insisted that even if they had to share beds and roll out bed rolls on the floor, they were going to stay together but in this moment, you just wanted to be free and have space from everyone.
Demsey rode the fastest horse he could rent and immediately went up to his room and hastily packed his own things into his own trunk and put them with yours and waited anxiously in the stables as your family came back as you hurriedly packed everything you could not live without and put them in a separate trunk and instructed the servants to take the first trunk to the stables and all the others to go back to Mirador with your parents since they would be taking carriages back to Mirador before you got dressed in a simple, comfortable shirt and pants along with your flying leathers and practically ran towards the stables once Yalin gave you Charlico’s papers of ownership and breeding lines and a note to the stable hands that Charlico’s saddle and whatever other tack you wanted would be leaving with him.
“So what happened in there?” Demsey asked as he tried to help you get Charlico and Heavencrest saddled up to be loaded up.
“My case against the Morrigans got dismissed from every court in England.” You told him.
“How in the world did the Morrigans get your case dismissed?!” Demsey demanded.
“Because it wasn’t them that did it, it was the Dowager Queen who was the one who dismissed both my case against the Morrigans and the Morrigan’s case against me in both the public and private courts and barred us from ever going to court to protect the Crown from any damage that this case would bring to it through Gregori, Yalin and Ramsey and she herself got to see and hear all of the evidence and acted as judge and jury and ruled in my favor. The original contract I had with Edward Senior was upheld. And the Dowager Queen awarded me everything that the Morrigans have as recompense for the hurt they caused me in their conspiracy and attempt to murder me and they were branded as mad and insane for trying to murder me via mourakatili and were sent to the asylum to be fed poison to make them honestly insane.” You answered.
“Oh, but that’s a good thing, isn’t it? Isn’t that more or less the outcome you wanted?” Demsey asked in confusion because you were still manically trying to saddle and load both animals up and you were still crying and clearly in distress.
“Factually, yes, but at the same time, no, not at all, because I finally found out why they tried to kill me to begin with and it’s so much worse than anything I could have imagined. The day I married Edward Senior, Ramsey, in a panic said only minutes after I married Edward, told his father that I was his perfect bride but because I was just then married, I was unavailable because his parents had threatened him that if he had not found a bride that season, he would be cut off in every conceivable way and sent into the army and have the rake beaten out of him one way or another. But he just thought I would marry Edward and live out the rest of his natural life with him and in five to ten years when Edward would die naturally of old age, then he would be ready by then. But what no one realized was Gregori’s desperation to see Ramsey married and father to a legitimate heir as soon as possible was so great, he conspired to murder Edward Senior so that I could be Ramsey’s wife that much quicker. Because it was Gregori who bribed Edward’s doctor- Dr. Rickets, to poison Edward Senior with Wolf’s Eye which when you take it, it makes you delirious within a couple months, and within a few more months, it will put into a further delirious rage to the point your heart beats so hard so fast, your heart beats itself apart, causing your heart to fail, and that led to Edward’s own madness and in his madness, he abused me. The entire Royal Family including Charlotte, Yalin, Ramsey and myself were completely unaware of Gregori’s involvement and plotting and all of them were mortified to learn of this news and as recompense, they gave me Charlico for free, although I still feel I paid for him with my own blood, but none of that seems to matter to anyone else so the real murderer is walking free because he’s the King’s brother and heaven forbid he face any punishment for his actions.” You hissed as you wiped your angry tears away as you did your best to get Heavencrest’s saddle cinched correctly as your tears blurred your vision.
“The Morrigan's thought I had poisoned Edward Senior, wanting to get out of the marriage which of course wasn’t true because before the poisoning- Edward Senior had been nothing but good to me and I was happy and content with him and I had no reason or motive or cause for such a thing but they thought I was a typical moura, who just wanted the highest payout as quickly as possible and in retaliation and wanting to avenge Edward Senior, hired the same doctor, Dr. Rickets, to obtain mourkatili and poison me with it so that I would be buried right next to Edward Senior. Dr. Rickets tried telling Gregori but Gregori was already on holiday with his family in Dorierra trying to find another “me” for Ramsey and didn’t get his letter in time for Gregori to step in and Dr. Rickets added Jade’s Crown to the mourkatili to make it less lethal but more addictive and told the Morrigans all they needed to do was put a thimble full of it into a pot of hibiscus tea to hide the color and once I would have a sip, I would become addicted and would request to drink it more and would choose to drink myself to death, which that plot very narrowly succeeded.” You revealed with a bitter laugh.
“But because it was Gregori who is guilty of the conspiracy, it’s being covered up, buried and dismissed and all evidence of Gregori’s guilt, once it was made aware by the Morrigans and myself and my family, it was then quickly destroyed and Dr. Rickets ended up going to the asylum with the Morrigans and has the same fate as them.” You revealed as Demsey was half tempted to try to burn the palace down himself as rage almost blinded him but your hurt kept his mind with you in the moment.
“However, the complication was that Richard’s mistress, Myra, her children by Richard were brought up in Broadcove as servants because Agnes insisted that only the children she bore to Richard should be his heirs and treated them as such because she was the one who had control of a good portion of the wealth since a lot of it was in her name, that term was agreed on so that Agnes would continue go along with everything like a good wife and Richard of course had to agree because Myra has no nobility at all herself, just her beauty and personality to recommend her and Agnes had the breeding, nobility, connections and dowry to boot. So, of course Richard married Agnes but kept Myra as his mistress and it is those connections and that dowry that enabled Edward Senior and Richard to invest it and multiply it and turn it into the massive wealth they did and with Agnes working her own contacts like a concierto does an orchestra, that’s why they have as much power and influence as they do. But Agnes was always resentful on account of Myra so she abused those poor innocent children because she hated how Richard loved them more than the children she bore to him and even though they were his bastards, they were made in more love than Jane and little Edward ever were and she demanded that if they remain in the house that they were to earn their place as servants or be put out into the street because she could not bear the humiliation of Edward’s infidelity made public and she would turn all of her connections on Richard if she didn’t get her way so he had no choice but to agree and Myra was lucky she got a room, much less a suite of rooms at Broadcove in the opposite end of the house from Agnes, Jane and little Edward.” You explained.
“And if that wasn’t bad enough Agnes even sent one of them to their early death, the eldest son Myra bore to Richard, the second time I was served mourkatili in tea form, she insisted that to “prove” it wasn’t dangerous, for the poor boy who served it to me, she insisted that he taste it to prove it wasn’t poisonous, I tried to stop it but he did as she commanded and dropped dead the moment that poison touched his lips and she tried to pin it on me to Myra saying that I insisted he drink it. So of course Myra came to me and demanded to know what the poor boy had done to me that I should be so cruel as to kill him and when Richard found out, of course he believed Agnes at first and came at me and had me tied down so he could beat me and I couldn’t fight back, I was too drunk on mourkatili to fight back anyway before Jane intervened and told them the truth and Jane had to show them the truth that had been caught via her own messengerari that was in the room and when Myra saw it, she apologized profusely and did everything she could to heal the hurt that Richard had inflicted but when Richard saw it, he never did apologize to me but instead turned on Agnes, her bruises and cuts were twice as bad as my own. But that didn’t stop Agnes because the third time Agnes did it, it was Myra’s youngest boy who was only six.” You broke down crying as Demsey came and tried to hold you but you resisted him, because you wanted to leave as soon as you got this all off your chest because you wanted and needed him to know the truth.
The whole truth.
“And I of course drank down every drop of it to keep him from having any to protect him and Jane, once again had to intervene, so she and her father decided that only she would serve me the mourkatili because I would not make her drink it and that all of Richard’s other children by Myra would be kept to her apartments in the north wing and would only be let out when they were in the company of Myra or Richard, so they became like caged animals, just like me and must like Myra.” You revealed as Demsey stared in horror.
“And Jane, sweet Jane, she got her ladies maid to go to the market for her to get me ipecac and she would try to dilute the mourkatili and try to add what she had heard would help lessen the impact of it or help to try to neutralize it. And she purposefully “tripped” and crashed onto the floor when she couldn’t dilute the tea and it of course stained the rugs and the floorboards underneath but she couldn’t do it too often for fear her parents would get suspicious but she did everything she could in those limited, forced circumstances to try to do what she could to save me, so even though the fact of the matter is she did serve me poison, she isn’t responsible for it. And I hold no grudge against her or blame. And of course, when I got to leave Broadcove, Myra pleaded with me to take her children as my own servants because she knew I would be good to them and treat them with kindness, much more than they were being given at home and I could not refuse her. But of course, they are their father’s children and they of course, kept reporting on everything I did to their father. So even when I left Broadcove, I couldn’t escape the Morrigans.” You divulged.
“But why not dismiss them entirely then?” Demsey asked.
“Because they have been good to me despite that and I couldn’t fault them for their loyalty, nor can I find fault in their service, they have always been respectful and obedient and they did everything they could to be courteous and cater to me and it was only three months into my widowhood when they saw for themselves what kind of person I was that they switched their loyalties to me and told their father to “fuck off” because if he really did love them like he claimed, then he would not have put up with their indentured servitude or mistreatment at Agnes’ hands and refused to spy on me after that and it’s because of those circumstances that in an effort to mend things with me, the King made Myra a Maquise, a station higher than a Count or Countess and basically told everyone the cover for this whole fucking fiasco was ‘that Agnes and Richard went on holiday, got sick with something to make them go mad while Jane and I have been at Windsor and that they bribed Dr. Rickets to poison me with mourkatili and thankfully my brother’s dragon was here to cure me and that they are all guilty of madness and attempted murder and have since been sent to the asylum. And that Marquise Myra Bellafont, moved with pity, has taken in Jane and little Edward and is now their loving caregiver’.” You informed him.
“So that’s why I am leaving Broadcove to Myra and all of her children as heirs of it because while Agnes has always treated them with animosity, they have never treated Jane or little Edward that way or even Myra, let alone me. So they will leave Mirador as my servants and enter Broadcove as masters and I have been awarded everything that the Morrigans had, all wealth and property and I am leaving a business or two to Myra and her children to run so that they can keep up Broadcove and care for their needs and anyone who says otherwise or attempts to reveal the truth will be promptly killed or sent to the asylum themselves.” You explained.
“But if that wasn’t enough, Richard did hire a mage to cast a spell over all of Mirador so that no messengerari would work and send any message out and bribed four of the post masters in the Royal Mail Service to destroy every piece of mail going in or out to me and Mage Bellfast had to conjure them all up because they had all been burned in an effort to be destroyed. That’s why that table was covered in mail from my friends and family. Not even your letter to me a few days before the ball to warn me about who was going to be there and who meant me harm could reach me.” You explained.
“And that was the other reason why the Royal Family couldn’t let this go to court because to prove that their Royal Mail Service had been corrupted, couldn’t be tolerated.” You answered.
“And what’s even worse is now I can’t go home to Dorierra either because I got the classification of tavnit, which means “no master”. And even if I were to go back to Dorierra, I can’t stand to go back into the bride system. But I also can’t stand to go home to Mirador where my whole family now has dollar signs in their eyes and now they are all clamoring for a piece of the giant money pie I’ve just been handed and the temptation to just let your sister inherit all that I have so that you can assist her in how to run it all so I can be free of even all of that is too tempting for me right now and so the only place that leaves that I can go and be truly free in every sense, is a colony because justice is a joke and loyalty is fickle at best in this country and the less people around me who can use me for their own benefit, spy on me to others who would use that information as blackmail against me and betray me, the better.” You insisted bitterly.
“Do you think I would ever do those things to you?” Demsey asked.
“No, never, because you’re actually a very good man, with upstanding character and morals but you deserve a highborn lady at your side to be the perfect wife to you and help you and stand by you. And as much as I want to do that, I can’t.” You cried as you put your bags onto the saddles and tied them down.
“Why not? I told you, I don’t need an heir and a spare, all I want is you to be happy. And if a colony is where you think you’ll find that then let me go with you. Where you go, I go. To hell with England.” Demsey insisted.
“No, England is still your home though, and Whydah I’m sure has no equal. You have everything here, you have your business which should be booming with the new soap recipes which Leumeni has offered to share if he could have the chance to court Kiera properly. You have your title as Duke, you have your family and friends, and I’m not worth giving all of that up for.” You argued.
“Yes you are! To me, you are worth more than anything this world has to offer me.” Demsey argued further as he once again tried to reach for you to pull you into the comfort of his embrace as you desperately put your hands on his chest and shoved him away with what was left of your strength in that moment.
“Demsey please! You can’t love me without knowing the truth about me! I am a murderer! I’m the one who gave Edward his fatal blow!” You cried out as Demsey was dumbstruck by such a revelation as he subconsciously took a step back as your heart broke to see such a reaction from him before you grabbed your last bag and tied it to Charlico’s saddle.
“A millenia ago, when mouras first touched down on the ground, the reason we knew we could turn things into gold was because at a banquet, a drunken man tried to rape a moura woman. The moment his touches grew desperate and violent, just touching her, her body, in an act of self defense, turned him into a statue of gold. That’s how we found out we had that power. Once she touched him again, he turned back to flesh and blood but the act of being a solid gold statue killed him and he dropped dead. Then we learned to master that defense mechanism and learned to control it. It was our blessing and our curse. From there, moura women were hunted like game, like trophies and when mouras grew cloaks, when you took a moura’s cloak you were considered bonded with them. And men of all kinds hunted us, and once we turned their enemies into statues of gold, to be melted down into bricks and bars of it and once that is done once it stays gold for a year, touching it again will never let it revert back to it’s original flesh, so the gold was kept in the ground for a year and a half just to be safe while the person was considered “gone missing”, or the women turned their own body weight of mud and rock and bricks into gold, then they were released. But that meant that no moura would ever have rape or any abuse attempted on them because the perpratrator would be turned to gold themselves. But when the gold plague came, that power died with it. And suddenly we didn’t have that protection, or that curse. Until only recently, and I mean recently as in only the last one hundred years. There have been only four mouras born in the whole world, who can now touch that moura gold and turn it into moura platinum. That’s what I am. I’m a platinum moura. The moment Edward’s flesh touched mine as he tried to rape me, he dropped dead as a platinum statue, he broke the bed and the crash was heard through the whole house and I had to have the bed burned and bribed Dr. Rickets to say he died of a heart attack, which having a heart that needs to be beating for you to stay alive, if it stops, you’re dead, still kind of happened. But because of the mourkatili, it means that that very platinum is poisonous and lethal if you touch it but when I touch it again, it turns to black ash, the same black ash from the Gold Plague that killed billions of heavenly moura, that’s why my hands were black when you came in and why there was so much ash on the floor because Mage Bellfast, as payment for conjuring up my mail asked me to turn a brick of moura gold into moura platinum. I tried and failed because Grevu cured me. And when Mage Altissia informed Mage Bellfast of that, he cast a spell on me and pulled the mourkatili that was in my hair back into my body and re-poisoned me so that I could have that power back. I tried stabbing him after he put that spell on me and I tried stabbing him with Kushi and Kushi turned from gold to platinum in my hands but the mourkatili made me weak again and I collapsed onto the floor and when I stood back up and picked up that gold bar and the moment I touched it, it turned from gold to platinum and I gave it to him and he at the time had the good sense of wearing gloves and when he got to hold it, he kissed it. And when he kissed it, his body instantly dissolved into a heap of ash with the bar of platinum falling onto a heap of his clothes and ash and it killed him and when I went to pick up Kushi, the moment I touched it, it turned back to gold but also into ash as well and it disintegrated into my hands and all the jewels that were imbedded into it, fell through my fingers like pebbled sand at the beach. I destroyed Kushi because it had been made with moura gold and when I touched that brick of moura platinum, it did the same thing. And now I can’t touch anything made out of moura gold or else the same thing will happen to it and for all I know the ash is just as poisonous now as it was when it first appeared in the Gold Plague. That’s why I have the tavnit status and that’s why I’m not welcome back in Dorierra because I have no use for the stable masters and once again, I am a lost cause.” You confessed.
“Do you still love me now? Knowing that I can kill you if you touch me? That I can turn everything that happens to be moura gold and turn it into poisonous platinum that will kill everything and anything it touches?” You asked rhetorically.
“That’s why as soon as I’m packed, I am going to go back down to Grevu so he can heal me yet again so that I am free of this curse too and then I’m leaving for the farthest colony I can find from here because the more space between me and this whole horrible situation and circumstances, the better.” You told him.
“But I know you would never do such things to me, at least on purpose. I promise to remove everything gold from Whydah so that you can’t possibly…” Demsey tried to offer.
“Demsey, that is not the only reason I can’t marry you and that you can not come with me. You deserve a wife who is faithful and honest with you in all things. Demsey I am pregnant. I am with child as we speak. I’m a month along already and even if we got married today, the baby will come too soon after the wedding and your reputation as well as my own would probably be ruined beyond repair and I can’t do that to you, I won’t do that to you, I refuse to do that to you. It’s not right and I refuse to do anything that can be in any way harmful to you. That’s why Grevu cured me the first time, he could tell I was falling pregnant and cured me to protect me and the baby, but because of the pregnancy and because of Grevu’s magic, protecting the baby from all harm, even now with the mourkatili in me, the baby is fine, it remains unharmed and the rest of my womb is being protected from reabsorbing it’s poison and this babe was made in love and passion and I refuse to harm it either. It’s an innocent in this situation too and it’s not only my responsibility and obligation to take on the consequences of my own actions and I have no one to blame for my state but myself and I am ready and willing to take it on and the only saving grace I have is that the baby is in no way the offspring of the Morrigans. And I love you too much to try to push onto you a baby that isn’t yours. It wouldn’t be honest or right. And I can’t ask you to take me and this baby on, knowing that.” You insisted as you finished then went over everything to make sure everything was attached and secure and wouldn’t come flying off when you would fly to the colonies in just a few moments.
“And the father of the baby has completely disappeared, no one can find him. And what’s worse is he was a whore in a whorehouse, that’s who the father of this baby is. Two months ago, when you gave me that note back that Calla was able to sneak to me. I went to The Gold Finch, that is where I met Yalin, she told me about The Red Velvet Rope and she told me which days to go and which days to avoid the place because that was Ramsey’s favorite whorehouse and at the time she didn’t want us to meet because she knew Rasmey would use me, then ruin me. I met the manwhore there and I got to be with him three times, that first time, a second time right before the ball at Havenfield and the third at the Masquerade Ball at The Midnight Peacock. That’s who I was with right before you found me at the bar, he was why I didn’t feel like dancing because we had both told the other that we were going to be pursuing other people and that never again would The Red Velvet Rope be in our lives and then the bastard made an enormous bet on me on Kamoba and apparently won a small fortune and as always, he took the money and ran because since then, he has vanished into thin air and no one has even heard of him, let alone knows of him and of course The Red Velvet Rope absolutely insists that no one by his name or appearance has ever worked for them, ever. But the place wouldn’t be a good whorehouse if it didn’t serve it’s lady clientele pregnancy warding tea to counteract the consequences of it’s use which I made sure to drink both before and after each trip to The Red Velvet Rope. Except for the night of the Masquerade Ball, I was too heartbroken over losing him that I forgot to drink any and that one time was all it took, even with the mourkatili in my system which mourkatili is supposed to kill fetus’ but thanks to Grevu’s magic, the baby is perfectly fine and healthy and shows no signs of being disformed or anything. And I would never do you the dishonor of trying to pass off a baby that isn’t yours to your very face and I would hate myself for trying to live that lie and that guilt would eat me alive, more than mourkatili ever could. That’s what I meant by you deserve better. Do you still love me now? Don't these truths kill every ounce of love you thought you had for me? Don’t..don’t answer those questions. Hopefully all these truths will help you dismantle any affection you’ve built for me and hopefully you can find someone worthy of your love and affection who will do right by you, who isn’t a whoring murderer.” You offered as you finished with the last of it before you went back to Grevu and asked him to heal you again as Demsey sat on the now empty trunk as his own sack of clothes and personal items laid down at his feet and processed everything as he watched you get into Grevu’s tent with him as you hugged Grevu tight and tried to tell him goodbye as he wrapped his neck and wing around you protectively as you cried into his chest but thanked him for intervening and trying to protect you and save you and the baby before he seemed to glare at Demsey.
“It’s not his fault. He’s not the one to cause my hurt.” You tried to excuse to Grevu.
“Just, please, heal me, one last time, so I can carry the baby safely ok? Thank you, thank you for preserving this little miracle of life.” You pleaded with Grevu who put his nose into the neck of your flying leathers and snorted softly before you had to let him go and go to a corner and throw up again and just the sound of you being sick and in agony as once again, the mourkatili colored your hair, but just the ends of your hair this time instead of all of your hair as you readily grabbed it and cut the colored ends off and laid them on the ground for Grevu to burst into flames to destroy for good and it was enough to break Demsey out of his stupor and move him to action as he knelt next to you and once you were done, he handed you his handkerchief to wipe off your mouth.
“Audra, my love for you transcends everything you’ve told me and will transcend a million things more. I don’t care if you were working at The Red Velvet Rope as a whore yourself, and I don’t care if you couldn’t know who or what was the father of the child you’re carrying and I don’t care if you don’t even have a penny to your name. I love you. I will always love you. And I will happily love the child you’re carrying as if it were my own. You speak like you’re the only one to have ever sinned. I’m imperfect too and I don’t want the perfect wife. How boring would that be? I want you as my partner in life, no matter how or what kind of name you want to attach to it, I want you, any part of you or all of you if you’re willing to give it to me as perfectly imperfect as you are right now and forever.” Demsey professed.
“You want to hear my deepest darkest secret? Shortly after seeing you on the train, I used The Red Velvet Rope too because I could not get you off of my mind and I thought at the time that if I rutted with a moura, that would help me be less distracted and then I met another moura, with the same first name and the same looks as you. And my fantasy was that I was actually being intimate with you instead of her and I met with her three times as well, that first time shortly after returning the note to you from Calla, the second, right before the ball at Havenfield and then again at the Masquerade Ball. I went to that ball and I immediately rented a change of clothes so that no one would recognize me in my own clothes in an attempt that you would not recognize me but that she might and sure enough, like moth to a flame, she found me again and it both broke my heart but filled me with relief that she was going on the straight and narrow and she confessed that she was going after an orc in the gentry and I feared it was my brother because shortly after just giving Sierge the smallest, most miniscule of details about her, he has been looking for her ever since and he claimed he found her and agreed that her resemblance to you was uncanny and I tried to kiss her goodbye and cut things off clean with her at the ball, but it was like she was a drug that I was addicted to and I went one last round with her and I haven’t seen her since. She also bet on me for the Kamoba and apparently won a small fortune in turn but again, she, just took the money and ran and not even Sierge has been able to find her since, even with his almost super powerful sense of smell, and that was also why I was in no mood to dance at the Masquerade Ball and why after that, I found you at the bar and why it wasn’t fair to you at all that I was in your presence but yet it was her that was on my mind. So I’m just as much of a whore as her and I have been just as unfaithful and just as secretive and deceitful and I’m sorry that we live in a society where such things are like a death sentence to a woman and her honor but are expected from most men and it’s not fair and it isn’t right. But I swear- on my life, I would never, ever, hold such things against you and I would keep these revelations just between us and take them to my grave and I will do anything you ask of me, except for leaving your side. I want to help you, I want to love you and care for you if only you would let me. You are not the only one with sin or fault, I’m just as guilty as you, I’m just as imperfect and flawed. But she is nothing compared to you and is a sad counterfeit of the real you and I would much rather have you than a hundred of hers. You will always be infinitely more precious to me. Please, if you must insist on going to a colony, then let me go too. You don’t even have to marry me if you don’t want to, I don’t have to be a Duke, Sierge or even Tzane can take the title and the business for all I care. Just...let me love you and care for you the best way I can. I know how to make soap anywhere, with my own two hands, it doesn’t have to be England or Europa, I don’t care where we are or where we go, as long as we are together. That’s all that matters to me, we’ll find a way to keep each other. I swear.” Demsey offered before you took your small canteen on your hip and swished your mouth out real quick before you finally kissed him, climbing into his lap and wrapped yourself around him and held him tight as you both cried tears of happiness and relief as an overwhelming flood of emotion overtook you both.
Then as if you both seemed to realize it at the same time, that each other’s taste was...really familiar.Not in a way that it was familiar from the night before but much farther back than that. Almost too familiar in an uncanny way.
“Wait, this, other Audra, the first time you met her, did you try to call her Audrey and she corrected you by saying it’s Audra- Draft?” You questioned him as suddenly, something clicked in your head.
“And I replied, ‘call me Demsey’.” Demsey answered as he gave you the most bizarre look before you both started laughing.
“Oh my gods, we are so stupid! Ugh! The Abbess at the Red Velvet Rope, told me I was going to be seeing a guy named Draft. That’s why I said “Draft”, not as my last name, but that was to address you, who I thought was named Draft.” You confessed.
“And it was on the 12th. At like, 3 o’clock in the afternoon? I told my abbess on my side of the place that I just wanted a rut with a moura and she offered an Audrey and so that’s why I called you Audrey and I thought the Draft thing was you saying your name was Audra Draft, Miss Draft.” Demsey confessed with a sigh of relief as he held you as finally your own personal scent was so wonderful and comforting and familiar! How had he not made the connection before now?
“And then we both returned on the 23rd at about the same time and met again, you were wearing that gorgeous navy suit jacket with the cream pants and that vest with cream and navy paisley.” You realized.
“And you wore that sexy as sin black lace dress that had me nearly losing my load just from the looks of it. Which, you do still have that right?” Demsey asked.
“Yeah, it’s back at Mirador.” You confirmed with another laugh.
“And that was you? At the Masquerade Ball, and it was me that you were quitting Mr. Draft for?” Demsey asked as he just couldn’t stop laughing as all of a sudden everything clicked into place as to why he was so outrageously attracted to you as he tightened his hold on you.
“Yeah, and obviously it was me that you were quitting Miss Draft for?” You asked with a laugh of your own.
“Yeah.” Demsey confirmed.
“So this is actually my child you’re carrying, this is my babe that Grevu has used his magic in protecting this whole time?” Demsey asked in awed astonishment and wonder and gratuity that even when you thought it was the child of a manwhore, you would would bear it and cause no harm to it and you’d be juast as loving and doting and safeguarding it which pleased him greatly and really proved to him the exceptional character you had as you nodded yes before he happily grabbed your face and kissed you with so much passion and so much feeling it was almost overpowering.
“Ok, new change of plans, I am marrying you as soon as I possibly can, I have a ring for you actually here, in my pocket, when you had that attendant hand the journal that I had written in back to me and that one line that you loved me back was all I needed to know, I figured you would be a while and I immediately rode to the closest jewelry store and bought you a ring and raced back and I barely made it back before we came inside the throne room. I am taking you home to Whydah and only keep whatever servants you’re really attached to back at Mirador but otherwise, leave the rest to whoever you want and I will never leave your side again and I pledge my heart, mind, soul and absolute fidelity to you from this day on.” Demsey vowed as he got the ring from his pocket and slipped it onto your finger.
“Likewise. Although I would like to make one small suggestion.” You offered as you wiped the last of your tears away.
“Name it, it’s yours.” Demsey answered back.
“If we ever get to the point where we need a break from being Duke and Duchess Voyambi, we can take breaks and go out on the town and Mr and Mrs. Draft.” You proposed which got him to smile wide and laugh.
“That sounds perfect. And we can continue to make bets in Kamoba, as Mr. and Mrs. Draft.” Demsey suggested.
“Perfect. Now, get what you need, load it onto Charlico because right now, he is yours, because it is only right that a mated pair of griffins be owned by a mated pair of people and fly Charlico home to Whydah.” You ordered as you looked at the aquamarine teal stoned ring with a halo of diamonds around it with so much pride and happiness and now that you knew that it was actually Demsey to save you from everything and that you had no more reasons to try to escape anything, because what you wanted and what you needed was already yours and already in your embrace and being married to Demsey and carrying his children was all you wanted and it made the sting of all the revelations earlier today melt away and you felt strengthened and fortified and so supremely happy because you were happily and freely choosing Demsey just as much as he was happily and freely choosing you, as “complicated” as the circumstances were.
“Yes Ma’am.” Demsey giggled as he kissed you again.
“Good dragon, very good dragon. I owe you everything. Thank you so much.” Demsey happily cooed to Grevu who happily wrapped his head and neck around you both and happily soaked up your affectionate petting and scratching just as a servant came into the barn.
“Is Duke Demsey Voyambi in here?” He called out.
“Yeah, I’m here,” Demsey said as you untangled from him as Grevu lifted his head to reveal you both and together you walked hand in hand to the servant who looked relieved to see you.
“And Sultana Saharazat! Oh good, I’ve found you too. Your bets on the Kamoba battles, they have returned along with their payouts.” He said as he handed Demsey a thick letter full of bills and then handed you a large parcel of bills too as you noticed the letters on top as addressed to Mr. Draft and Miss Draft.
“So who did you bet on?” You asked him.
“You, you beat out Benny, I bet on you to win the battle and you did.” Demsey said as he took the letter and showed you before you took the letter and showed him.
“You bet on me too?” He cooed to you as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and kissed the crown of your head as he read it.
“And with the pay out being one in 20 that you would win your class, I now have at least 2000 pounds here.” You giggled as you opened it to reveal the stacks of pound notes before you put those into the saddle bag with Heavencrest but kept the note and put it into your pocket.
“Would you come to Mirador with me today though? I still wish to have your input and sensibilities on how to handle all of the wealth and businesses and how I should alot what I’ve just inherited and who it should go to, but I do have one thing clear in mind, all businesses need to have unions for the workers, everything has a union back in Dorierra and when Jane told me that you were pro union, it of course makes the best sense, earning money is of course the goal but not at the price of the lives of your workers.” You suggested sweetly as he simply pocketed his own winnings but put the actual letter in a bet into his pocket where your ring had once occupied.
“Of course, I would be delighted to, and I’m honestly happy and relieved we agree on this.” He reassured you before Benny came rushing in with Sierge carrying a whole bag full of money since his bets were structured in such a way that they compounded so he just won over a hundred thousand pounds for Benny beating The Saharan Viper and The Copper Cobra along with your heir father, his wife and his mother.
“Grevu! Lift this curse off of me right now!” Benny demanded of Grevu as you and Demsey watched her pass you curiously as you snickered a laugh.
“Shut up Audra! You just won the world! You have no right to laugh at me!” Benny spat angrily as Grevu growled at her before he got up and balled himself up, like a cat curling up on a rug before a fire and turned away from her as your family was coming into the barn to leave too.
“Aw, does “the happy heart beat” not make you so happy Benny?” You asked her in a teasing, almost taunting tone.
“Don’t you dare say those words to me, there is nothing happy about this situation at all!” Benny said.
“Happy heart beat?” Demsey repeated.
“In the far east- in the emperors harem, that’s how pregnancy is diagnosed and what is said when it’s discovered. It’s a way of diagnosing pregnancy. Dr. Chu told me, that’s why I told Sierge to follow Benny and stay with her.” You revealed.
“And thats...” Demsey began as he looked at you questioningly.
“Yup.” You eagerly nodded with a bright smile.
“Oh good you have not left yet.” Your mother blew out a breath of relief at seeing you as all of them were carrying small packets of money, won from them betting on you for winning the Kamoba tournament.
“No, Demsey is coming to Mirador with us, since he’s been running his businesses with great success in the English market, I want his input to help me decide what I should do with all of the Morrigan’s businesses and help me decide who should get what.” You explained as you happily stood with your arm around his waist as he stood with his arm around your shoulders and happily held the other to your side as Benny just rolled her eyes in annoyance.
“Axal! Get your ass down here and have Grevu take this curse off of me this instant! He cursed me last night before the night Kamoba games and I refuse to live another moment under it!” Benny screamed down the barn which got everyone to stare at her in confusion except for you and Demsey who were content to just stand back and see how this was going to play out.
“How did he curse you?” Axal asked with a barely contained grin.
“He just...did! I just need him to lift it!” Benny hotly demanded.
“Right. I don’t believe you. Unless you can give me solid proof and evidence that he did and show me how he cursed you, I’m not getting involved at all.” Axal dismissed as he waived her off and began to walk away.
“He got me pregnant!” Benny desperately confessed as everyone gasped and stared at Benny in shock as you couldn’t help it, you snorted and snickered a laugh which soon infected Demsey too and the others around you.
“Wow! You had sex with Grevu? By heaven above, Sierge’s dick isn’t enough for you that you had to fuck my dragon?! How did he even fit…?” Axal began to ask.
“No! I didn’t fuck your dragon, his cock would split me in half! No, I...he made the seed that was already in me take root and now his magic is protecting that root and I need him to lift his protection of that root so I can remove it!” Benny finally confessed.
“And whose “root” is it?” Axal asked.
“Who knows, it could be mine, it could be Viscount Whiteales or any of the other orc gentlemen you were schmoozing with at the Kamoba lunch and dinner feasts, it’s hard to tell with a whoring slut like her.” Sierge said as everyone ‘ooooh’ed’ with another snickering laugh as Anavia and Loreiris tsked and shook their heads.
“Your mother will be so disappointed in you. You knew penilie- vaginal sex was forbidden for this very reason, is this why you couldn’t get the dowager status?” Loreiris asked.
“Yes, it’s cost me everything! Now Grevu, take it back!” Benny demanded.
“But what about that leverage you were going to use against Audra when and if she could not get you that Dowager status? Surely you can’t fault her- for you- not getting it, because we were all there to hear how she wanted all of us to have that status and didn’t single you out to not have it.” Loreiris pointed out.
“You were going to betray Audra after everything she did for you?” Your mother scuffed in disgust.
“No, I wasn’t, I swear!” Benny said as real fear came back into her eyes.
“But you told me that you were going to.” Loreiris insisted.
“And me,” your heir father insisted.
“And me,” his wife Maradiem added.
“And me,” his mother Anavia added.
“It was just something to say for the Kamoba, I didn’t mean it!” Benny pleaded as your whole family began coming towards her and began to surround her as everyone was glaring at her before she was pushed back so that her back hit the wall.
“What is going on now?” Yalin and her children asked as they came into the stables to see your family off and saw Benny as she ducked and dodged through your family to get to her.
“Please Mama Yalin, you have to help me! Grevu cursed me so that seed took root in my womb and his magic is protecting the root and I need it removed before I could ever go back to Dorierra!” Benny pleaded.
“Well whose seed was it?” Yalin asked.
“Sierge’s.” Benny finally confessed.
“Are you sure? You were seen practically hanging all over all the other orc families yesterday, it could have been any of theirs, after all, you were offering all of them the leverage you had collected for Gregori against Audra and Demsey so Audra could be with Ramsey, but obviously, you see how that didn’t go so well.” Loreiris said as she gestured to you and Demsey as well as to Ramsey who was between Axal and Octavia.
“So you were going to try to sell that leverage to the highest bidder?” Yalin asked Benny as she pulled away from Benny and fixed her with a disapproving glare.
“No!” Benny shook her head no.
“That’s not what she told everyone else, I specifically overheard her tell Kate Whitesale and her brother that she would give that leverage to them so that Kate would be the next Duchess Voyambi and that Benny would be the next Viscountess Whitesale since Sierge was the second son and heir to nothing and had no power or wealth to his name because it all rested with Demsey and how getting that leverage came with ‘the unfortunate side effect of Sierge’s attentions and affections which you did not at all return’.” Loreiris paraphrased.
“I overheard those exact sentiments too, you offered the same thing to the other orc families that day too and swore up and down how you had Sierge’s unwanted and unreciprocated attentions and affections and how you needed “saving from him”.” Axal insisted.
“Oh dear, did you get caught in your own web?” Yalin asked Benny as she shook her head and looked so profoundly disappointed.
“Well, unfortunately, I’m afraid I can’t help you. Because the right thing to do was once you saw that whatever leverage you got by whatever means you used, was no longer wanted or needed, you should have been a good friend to Audra and forgotten all about it. Because I never asked you to get that leverage and I never wanted it used against Audra. Who has clearly already had enough horrible tactics used on her.” Yalin offered.
“And I never asked you to get leverage on her either. So your leverage was and is completely useless to me.” Ramsey insisted.
“Nor I.” Charlotte chimed in.
“No but your father did!” Benny insisted to Ramsey and Charlotte.
“Right, the same one who hired a doctor to poison an old man to death, how did that turn out by the way?” Ramsey sarcastically mocked her before turned to his mother.
“Horribly. I fear your father faces some intense discipline and will be forced to pay recompense with interest for years and years to come.” Yalin answered.
“And once it is known that you are with child, that classifies you as “fallen” and no man in nobility in any country either here or anywhere else in Europa wants a fallen lady, no one will want to claim you. I suppose if you have anyone at Dorierra will take you on- in such a condition, that would be what’s best but for fallen ladies, there are few choices. Maybe the father might be induced to take you, if he will have you but only if you had not betrayed him or tried to cast him off before hand. But with the fortune Sierge just won from the Kamoba, he could have any number of ladies.” Yalin said as she gestured to him.
“And with that fortune he could buy any number of the businesses I just inherited, so it’s not like he’s left with nothing, no fortune or income or power or influence, he could be a man of industry and wealth that might even exceed his brother and he could always claim his own title of nobility, it might not be as high as a Duke but it’s better than nothing, after all we are all Maquis now right?” You pointed out to everyone else who had agreed on staying in England.
“But he’s the one who gave me the leverage against you in the first place!” Benny said as she pointed at Sierge accusingly as everyone then looked at Sierge.
“Look, you and your hands and mouth were very persuasive but I only told you what you wanted to hear. It’s not like anything that I told you was necessarily completely true or at all accurate or even current. Because what’s that saying? Something only ten percent true is still 100% misleading? You’re not the only one who knows how to work other people and you weren’t subtle about the fact that you were working me, but thanks for the inside info to bet on you against the Saharan Viper, even as dirty as you played her, I now have enough money to buy any bride I wanted from Dorierra if I ever wanted one, or I could just as easily court and marry any eligible lady here in England. So, all in all, thanks Benny for doing me the backhanded favor.” Sierge winked at Demsey with a smug smile himself a shrug from his shoulders.
“But the fact that you’re not just willing, but desperately wanting to kill my unborn child because it just happens to inconvenience you and puts your treachery on display and exposes you for who and what you really are. I don’t know if I want you as a wife. I can’t trust that you wouldn’t hurt any other children I could ever give to you if I were to take you as my wife, for any number of reasons. So go ahead, let Grevu lift his protection from you and “uproot” the little sapling and destroy it before it can sprout any further as you so chose to phrase it. You’re free of my attentions and affections as of this moment and every moment to come, exactly how you wanted to be, right?” Sierge questioned rhetorically as even you could see the beginning of tears start to make his eyes glassy as he tried to remain composed as even you could feel how profoundly hurt he was by this betrayal too.
“Yes, you know why? Because you never once respected me! Or women in general. You treated me like a pet, a toy, you feel a woman’s place is in the home, birthing heirs and too stupid for anything else, helpless and weak and completely dependant. I am so much more than you could ever comprehend, let alone appreciate. And being forced to be bonded, much less married to a stupid, honorless, pig headed, stubborn, egotistical, selfish, much less completely incompetent, lackluster lover, who is as reckless with honor as he is money. You are ruination itself! And you will lose all of that wealth as quickly as you got it!” Benny roared angrily as everyone blinked in surprise.
“Wow, been holding that in for a while now huh?” Calla asked Benny.
“Yes, and I’m done, Leumeni, Coravien, come on, we’re leaving. we are going home to Dorierra, we can still catch the train.” Benny barked at her brothers.
“I’m not leaving with you. I’m free, remember? Unlike you, I got dowager status, so I don’t answer to you. Besides, everything I could ever want and need is right here with me in England. Not in Dorierra.” Leumeni answered back calmly as he looked to Kiera who happily took his hand and held it tight.
“And you’re more than welcome to stay at Mirador while you find a fine house of your own.” You offered to him.
“Thanks, I’ll take you up on that.” Leumeni smiled happily.
“Me too, if Demsey will take me on as a partner in his soap business, I’ll give him every soap recipe I know and we can have the same soaps and things here that we do at home. Besides, I’m a Marquis here in England and the King offered me a living of ten thousand pounds a year, which I understand is a lot and the other orc ladies here are actually really pretty. So I’m staying too.” Coravien answered his sister back too.
“Yeah can I get in on that soap thing too?” Leumeni asked.
“Absolutely. I’d be happy to have you on board.” Demsey readily agreed as you smiled happily at him as you squeezed him into your side and being so proud to have such a wonderful man as your fiance.
“And London needs a proper moura restaurant,” Storren pointed out.
“Yeah, I ain't going back either, I’d love to open a good moura restaurant. Give that Savoy I keep hearing about a good run for its money.” Brima grinned.
“And my place is with Tzane, I ain’t going back either, not until I marry Tzane and we go back together to gather all of my things from Dorrierra so I can fully move here, Whydah is from what I hear a large home, big enough for more than one couple.” Calla shrugged.
“Mama Yalin?” You called out.
“Yes Audra Dear?” Yalin asked, happy and elated that you were still speaking to her in such an affectionate way, having feared that Gregori had completely destroyed your relationships with their entire family.
“Would it be possible to get a marriage license for Demsey and I to get married sooner than later, he has asked me to marry him and I’ve accepted, and I would like to get married within the week at least so that all the members of my family who wish to return to Dorierra can see me get married in the moura tradition before they leave to go home to Dorierra?” You asked her hopefully as you raised your left hand and turned it so she could see it as everyone gasped excitedly and cheered to see it before offering their congratulations to both of you.
“Surely you can postpone your departure from England for a day or two can’t you Benny? You could still go back with my family when they want to go back.” You offered rather sweetly, if not just a tad smugly because what you had told her in the Kamoba battle was coming true, just the way the gods and goddesses had told you it would.
“Only if Grevu will lift this curse off of me first.” Benny decided.
“Grevu, go ahead, do as she asks. Lift the protection.” Axal decided before Benny marched down and kneeled in front of Grevu who blew a red smoke over her and then inhaled it all back in a moment later.
“Thank you, you overgrown rat with wings.” Benny snipped as she turned away from him before Grevu spitefully growled and knocked her down onto the floor on her way out with his snout as Benny cursed in pain before she felt the pain seep and radiate from her lower belly as she clutched it as everyone else just shook their heads and carried on with business of getting ready to leave as Siege simply walked out of the barn and towards the carriage with his other siblings and their partners since his parents had left Buckingham palace to their London home right after the “court” was ajourned.
“You ready Demsey Darling?” You asked Demsey as you both got into Heavencrest’s and Charlico’s saddles respectfully.
“Absolutely Audra Dearest.” Demsey grinned before he put the helmet on before Heavencrest and Charlico raced to reach to the skies as Demsey and yourself flew to Mirador to discuss business with your family and friends, including Marquise Bellafont because you wanted her to tell her children herself of their own freedom and rise to nobility since the King and Queen had quickly signed off on her nobility so she could show it to her children herself.
Once you arrived home, Rose, Myra’s eldest daughter, was the first to greet you.
“My Lady, you would not believe what the papers have been saying about you.” Rose began.
“Rose, I love you dearly, but I need you to go back inside and get dressed in your Sunday best, your mother is coming with really fantastic, exciting news, and get all of your siblings and tell them to do the same.” You excitedly told her.
“Really?” Rose asked you.
“Yes really, and after today, you and your siblings are servants to no one, not even me.” You hinted as she gasped as she looked from you to Duke Demsey who was nodding in confirmation with you, wearing a similar smile.
“Excuse me then,” Rose happily excused herself as she rushed back into the house and called all of her siblings together and repeated what you told them as they all quickly left and got dressed in their Sunday best and packed everything they owned before their mother arrived and eagerly embraced her children and revealed the truth and then repeated what the King and Queen had told her what the story should be as they all agreed to the story before they came back to you as all of them hugged you tight before you presented them with your winnings.
“Now, this is all I was able to win in the Kamoba battle, take this money, go to a really good dress shop or even a few of them, put this down as a down payment on your new wardrobes. I want every member of your family to dress and appear as lofty as your station permits. I have some jewelry I wish to bestow upon all of you. Although I will insist that all of Agnes’ jewelry be given to Jane along with anything else Jane has any sentimental attachments to and I understand if Jane would like to inherit her mother’s connections and will use them how she sees fit.” You insisted.
“Oh of course, of course.” Myra readily agreed.
“Now it will take time to save up some money for decent dowries for the ladies. But once everyone else gets here, and we all discuss together how we are going to divide everything. I’m sure by the end of tonight, all of us will be satisfied with the outcomes.” You reassured them.
“Thank you Audra, you’ve been so good to us, is there anything we can do to repay you?” Rose asked as she hugged you again.
“Just stick to the story that the King proclaimed, be kind and good to Jane and especially little Edward. He will miss his parents, but hopefully when he grows up, he will learn to accept things. And I want all of you to have the same freedom I’m going to enjoy, and that is to choose for yourselves what your lives will be, who you marry and marry for love if you can at all possible, if you even want to get married that is. But choose happiness, whatever that may be and I will do my best to find some kind of tutor, so that all of you get the same education and same learning and gain understanding of business so that you handle your new acquisitions well and not squander it or let anyone take advantage of you either. You are neither servant or slave to anyone’s will but your own from this moment on.” You urged them before everyone seemed to arrive as you introduced your family to Myra’s children.
You all crammed in around your table as several ladies had to take on the laps of their partners as your steward from Broadcove, Mr. Chattingham, who was so happy to hear of your own victory and in a way, Myra’s victory over his own former masters was key in knowing all the businesses that Edward Senior, Richard and Agnes had, and doubted much had changed in the year since his service to them ended and had incredible insights on what businesses would be best for each of your brothers as well as Myra’s sons as you and Demsey insisted that each business would have a union to protect it’s workers as Mr. Chattingham named who Richard had hired to specifically root out union organizers within his businesses as you knew already who you were going to be immediately firing before you hand them over since your parents had gotten word before they left that a messenger from the King along with Scotland Yard had been dispatched to all of the banks and other businesses and was in the process of having it all turned over to you and put into your name as it was immediately a prerequisite that the unions would be brought in and stay in place or you would not hand any of them over because even in Dorierra, every Dorrieran man was in his own union with the stables so such a thing was not new to you or anyone from your family as even Sierge offered to buy a business himself so that he had something other than his family’s soap business and his soon to be brother in law’s restaurant, but something to call all his own before there was a knock on the door.
“Hi, I’m Mage Amaryllis, Mage Altissia informed me that there was a spell on this house to disable the messengeraries? And she asked me to come and lift it.” She offered.
“Yes, thank you so much for coming, please, do whatever you can.” You invited her.
“Thank you.” She said before she found the absolute center point of the house and closed her eyes before moving and gesturing around herself as you saw what looked like magic shackles begin to break around the messengeraris in each room before she did a pulling down motion from the ceiling and all of a sudden it felt like a fresh breeze flowed through the house as the very air felt lighter and less stuffy or still or smothering.
“There, much better, things should be working much better and much smoother from now on.” Mage Amaryllis smiled.
“Thank you so much, how much do I owe you?” You asked.
“Nothing, the King and Queen have already paid me and I just came from Broadcove and have already lifted this same spell from there. But if you ever do need anything else, either magically or otherwise, here’s my messengerari address as well as my own home address here in London, write or call any time.” She said as she handed you a card with her name and contact information written on it as she had another one for Myra before everyone else also took a card from her before she saw herself out before Myra and all of her children did the same as you assured them that they were all definately invited to your wedding whenever you got a chance to plan it and execute it.
“Ok, I need to try something.” You told your family as you left the dining room and went to the living room took the keypad on the messengerari in the livingroom and punched in the address to your other friends back in Dorierra and smiled excitedly as your friends faces then began to fill the surface as they were equally surprised and happy and excited to see you.
“Demsey!” You called as he came in before you took his hand and introduced him to your friends.
“This is Duke Demsey Voyambi, I’m marrying him as soon as our marriage license comes through and it will be a love match this time.” You informed them proudly as they all gasped and gushed and squealed and offered you their congratulations.
“So like, how soon is soon?” Jenniverre asked.
“Probably a few days,” Demsey answered.
“Oh that’s more than enough time, who wants to fly to London with me?” Jenniverre asked everyone who was on the group call.
“Oh give me an hour to get packed, do you have a room where we could stay?” Jenniverre asked.
“Yes. Is there any way you guys can bring some figs? Like bushel baskets full or even saplings?” You asked hopefully.
“Yeah, why?” They asked.
“Pregnancy cravings.” You answered in Marinai with a bashful blush and smile.
“And? Was it at least good?” They eagerly asked.
“Oh, how divine is the god’s blessing!” You said as you waived your hand above your head which was a marinai euphemism for meaning ‘sex so good it’s as if you were having actual sex with the gods’ which got them all to giggle and laugh salaciously.
“Oooh, of course of course, yeah, you got it, we’ll stop by the greenhouses.” Adrilody confirmed.
“We’ll be there as soon as we can get packed and saddled up, we’re flying in, see you soon! I can’t wait!” Jenniverre squealed as she and the others quickly got off the call.
“As if this house wasn’t full enough.” You chuckled to Demsey.
“Well Whydah is huge, they are just as welcome there too, any friend of yours is a friend of mine, just as any enemy of yours is an enemy of mine too.” Demsey offered.
“Thank you.” You thanked him appreciatively as you stood on tip toe as he ducked down to kiss you easier as he couldn’t help but palm your lower belly reverently.
“What does ‘savacia’ mean?” Demsey asked.
“Pregnancy cravings.” You answered.
“Wow, this early?” Demsey asked.
“Oh yeah, moura’s can tell almost instantaneously when we get pregnant, morning sickness hits early but really only lasts a week at the most, usually only a few days, Grevu hid my morning sickness by making you and Axal start throwing up and I was so distracted with the mourkatili poisoning and Dr. Chu did say that I would have cravings but what’s usually the go to thing that those who have been cured from mourkatili is actually- vegetables, like celery, usually rhubarb. So for me, the figs were a surprise and I didn’t think anything of it.” You murmured.
“Who said “savacia”?” Your mother asked as she came into the living room from having walked down the hallway from the bathroom that was in the hallway.
“I didn’t. Calla?” Benny asked her as she came down from claiming a room of her own upstairs.
“Nope, I did.” You volunteered.
“The figs! Figs are your savacia?!” Your mother exclaimed excitedly.
“Yeah, that’s kind of why I really wanted to get married, rather quickly, to the father.” You answered as you nodded over to Demsey as everyone came rushing in and congratulating you again.
“So I was right?! You are pregnant!” Benny gasped as a smug smile threatened to overtake her face.
“Yes I am, about three and a half weeks along.” You confirmed.
“So I was right about you getting pregnant at the Masquerade Ball.” Benny beamed, feeling vindicated that she her hunch was right.
“Yup, but not by any manwhore as you so claimed, but by him, he just changed his clothes and went under our assumed names we gave each other so as not to cause any suspicion and we’ve been secretly courting for say, the last two months would you say? Keeping it so secret and hidden away was especially hard on both of us, especially when I was being pursued by the Raymonds, wasn’t it?” You readily supplied your family as Demsey didn’t dare disagree with you because that sounded like the perfect explanation for everything as he found himself smiling brightly because that should have been the truth because he had every intention of telling you he wanted to court you at the ball at Havenfield but he got interrupted by Ramsey in the art gallery.
“So hi, I’m Audra Draft, pleasure to meet you.” You said to Benny as you offered your hand to shake hers as she looked both disgusted and disappointed by the fact that her “leverage” wasn’t even real leverage at all as she crossed her arms under her bountiful bosom and scowled at you before you let your hand drop.
“You! You lied to me!” Benny accused Sierge who was just grinning smugly himself, proud of his brother for finally connecting the dots so to speak but he wasn’t about to disagree with those sentiments.
“Yup, it’s true, I did lie to you, because what kind of brother would I be if I actually gave my brother up for something as meaningless as what you talked up our exchange to be? Demsey only gave me Audra’s assumed name, to protect her and her honor and I respected him enough to respect his wishes in protecting her and her honor. Something which you’ve been hell bent on destroying since the beginning. And I wasn’t going to let you actually have anything capable of destroying me and my family.” Sierge tossed back as Benny narrowed her eyes dangerously at him.
“But since she’s pregnant, she’s not “fallen” too?” Benny demanded.
“No, absolutely not, I’m the one that got her that way and I have every intention of making her an honorable and upstanding lady and no one would dare question me or my word about the matter and it’s still early enough that when we take our honeymoon to anywhere she wants to go, it’s not uncommon for new brides to come home pregnant from their honeymoon.” Demsey reasoned.
“Just think, the same could have been for you, if you hadn’t insisted on “uprooting my seed” as you so “delicately” put it.” Sierge murmured from his corner across the room.
“So? How was it? Was it good at least?” Axal murmured in your ear.
“Oh how divine is the gods blessing!” You repeated with the same way you did before which got your whole family to cheer and laugh as Benny scuffed in disgust.
“You know, maybe you should go back to Dorierra, you’ve beaten The Saharan Viper in Kamoba of all things, surely any man would think twice before harassing you on the train.” Your mother suggested with a forced polite smile.
“You will have to hurry, the last train leaves in an hour and a half.” Tzane suggested as he looked at the time from the clock in the room.
“Fine, I will.” Benny said as she went back upstairs and got repacked as you called your carriage around and got Benny’s things loaded up as she used her remaining fee she had been paid just for coming as Leumeni and Coravien saw her off.
“Well now, shall we go out to dinner? To the Savoy perhaps?” You suggested to everyone else once Benny rode away in the carriage.
“But I’ll need you to help me get dressed,” you urged Demsey before taking him by the hand and leading him upstairs to your bedroom to finally strip out of your pant suit since you had long since peeled yourself out of your riding leathers and the moment the door was shut Demsey’s hands were already all over you, practically ripping these clothes off of you.
“So what does “ah-shamala-show-in” mean?” Demsey asked as you helped him get undressed to a degree too as you walked him towards a chair for a quick sex session before dinner.
“It means ‘oh how divine is the gods blessing’ in the literal translation. But it’s a euphemism in marinai that means ‘sex so good it’s like having sex with a god’.” You giggled as you got him into the chair and readily seated yourself on your now familiar friend and began to ride him with gusto.
“Ah, that makes everyone’s reactions much more understandable. And may I just say- the feeling is very much mutual.” Demsey happily replied as he drove up into you with equal passion as he held you so close and looked up at you like you were a goddess he would be devoutly worshiping for the rest of his life as you welcomed his affections with open arms, literally, as your moura marks were lighting up the room brighter than any candle or fire could.
“Gods I just should have told you sooner, I should have been able to tell you at the ball at Havenfield that I wanted to court you.” Demsey confessed as nipped at your ear after kissing up the column of your graceful neck.
“I have a feeling you were about to before Ramsey cut you off.” You smiled as your fingers carded through his hair and scratched deliciously at his scalp while his own fingernails raked down your back as his cock was exactly what your body had been craving this whole time as you were almost beside yourself in happiness that you actually sexually craved your soon to be husband and were almost helplessly attracted to him on every level.
“I should have been rude and insisted on saying it anyway.” Demsey confided.
“Well in my mind and heart, you did and obviously, you have my answer.” You giggled before you kissed him soundly.
“You can say that you wanted to keep it quiet out of respect for Ramsey and of course Gregori and Yalin and you wanted to make sure that I had my choice of any bachelor of my choosing but seeing me being openly courted by another just cemented our feelings for each other and simply as a ruse you pretended to be interested in your other options.” You reassured him just before you found your release and, for the sake of the others in the house, you kept your keening cry of bliss down by biting down on the juncture of his neck and shoulder and whimpering while your body shuddered in delight which only spurned Demsey to finally release his precious seed into the only “field” it belonged in as he held you so tight.
“I am never, ever- letting you go.” Demsey professed as he nuzzled the crux of your neck and shoulder and breathed in deeply, cementing this wonderful smell of you in his mind and was so relieved that the woman who he had fallen in love with and the woman he had fallen into lust with- were the same woman and supremely relieved that any stigma or jealousy you may have felt when you found out about the “other Audra” was now done and over with and any he had felt had melted into nothingness. This was so much better than he could have ever hoped, or imagined or even feared and once you both recovered he, very patiently and lovingly helped you get dressed in a gown that you insisted matched what he was wearing so that you looked like a proper couple before simply putting your hair up in a simple bun to hide it’s rather shortened nature.
You returned downstairs to where your family had gathered and had to take a few carriages to the restaurant before they happily got one big table put together as Demsey invited his parents back for the meal to see for themselves and they were so happy and overjoyed to have you in the family even if they were disappointed that Benny had chosen not to stay with Sierge but they were relieved and pleasantly surprised to hear the news of your “secret” courting of their son and realized that was why you were polite with Ramsey but were not returning his efforts and realized that Demsey had actually played that circumstance cleverly and were thrilled to have Leumeni and Coravien added to the family soap business as well as Leumeni, Calla and Storren added to their family and eagerly talked to Brima and Coravien about the other orc ladies that were in the gentry before as they of course had their own ideas about the wedding as Demsey made sure to insist that it should be as soon as your friends could arrive and that it should be rather small, with only family and close friends because your wedding to Edward had been so big and such a huge ordeal that you didn’t need or want that big of a wedding which you readily agreed with which his parents could not argue with as it was readily agreed that the London home would be better equipped to handle such an affair then since the majority of the guests would be at your own home as Amara and Storren also announced their courting, along with Kiera and Leumeni and Calla and Tzane as their weddings would be much more planned and prepared because Calla, Kiera and Amara wanted the bigger, grander weddings which you and Demsey did confirm you would be back from your honeymoon in time to attend and you were all relieved when Demesy’s parents gladly accepted the cover that the King had insisted on, especially with you and Jane especially providing off the cuff “details” that added more “authenticity” to it and made it sound closer to the gospel truth as it was accepted as such as Jane was given the most sincerest sympathies for the sudden loss of her parents and their sanity but the fact that she was protected because of her being at the Palace of Windsor as you continued to eat dinner with Demsey on one side of you and Jane on the other, just as it should be.
#Blood For Gold#Blood For Gold Chapter 21#regency era orc period drama#regency orcs#orcs#orc love story#orc romance#Mouras
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So, when I read ACOSF, I made kind of play by play notes as a listened to it( I read the audiobook) so.........here’s the chaos
HEAVY SPOILERS FOR ACOSF!!
CASSIAN SAID FUCK
WHOA there’s a LOT of swearing in this
“It’s SEVEN in the morning gods damn it” -nesta archeron
OVERSIZED SHIRTS FOR THE WIN
Feyre and Rhys have 5 houses? Not surprised...
full, inviting breasts......BIG BOOBS OMG CASSIAN YOU HORNY SON OF A BITCH
7 siphons to keep his magic under control? Dayum
So, she rode this unnamed male like a fucking roller coaster?
Depression sex? Depression sex
“Her father was ashes in the wind” DAMN THATS EDGY
“A moment of release among the darkness inside her” NESTA BBY THIS ISNT HEATHY
“She avoided both of them” not surprised
OOOOH RHYS HATES HER TEA IS BEING SPILT
So, depression sex and depression alcohol? Yup
*checks chapter count* 80 CHAPTERS??!?! Oh shit this is gonna be a triiiip
OOOOOOOOO RHYS AND NESTA BEEF
Feyre trying to apologize to nesta........she’s trying
“You’re done, Nesta” The fuuuuuck.....
So, nesta’s moving and training with cassian...........Feyre, this isn’t a good idea omg
Feyre holy shit what the fuck are you doing, you TOTAL HELICOPTER SISTER?
“I never want to speak to you again!” damn
ELAIN TRAUMA!!! Yay???
MOR FOCUSED CHAPTER!!!?
she has brown eyes? Ok
FUCK SHES WEARING A BLUE DRESS FUCK
nesta knows about mor NESTA KNOWS ABOUT MOR!!!
“I am worthless and I am nothing. I hate what I am.” DAYUM I’ve been in that exact mindset numerous times. I can relate, Nesta
Briallen? Who the fuck is that?
Scars being trapped in magic? Good fuck that’s dark
“Ooh a dark skin character? Lit
OH SHIT SHE CANT FLY HER WINGS ARE CLIPPED
Is her name Emery?
“I am the monster your fear” BBY OMG GET THERAPY
Gwyn? Seems a bit aloof
“Two gentle conversations” GOOD JOB
Fairy lights omg lol
Nesta reading smutty books.....I’m imagining this omg
THE HOUSE IS ALIVE? Sweet
OMG ELAIN SHIT!!!! BBY
“All she wanted to do was touch him” OOOOOHHHHH NESSIAN
“All I need is a hot meal and a good book.” Mood
Nesta’s worried about Mor??? REEEEEEE
“Nesta needed Feyre more than she realized.“ OOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOO FAE BARGANS
They’re bound by magic on the body?? Ooh
IT’S TRAINING TIME BITCHES
“I don’t hate you too,Cassian” OMGGGGGG REEEEE
Nesta SMILED
THEY MENTIONED VALKYRIES!!!!!
“You might be my only friend.” HMMMMMMM
*hears how cassian was born * OMG HOLY SHIT CASSIAN
*hears cassians backstory* DAMN THESE CHARACTERS NEED THERAPY
OOP SLIGHT DEPRESSION SEX
OOP CLOTHING REMOVAL
“I’ve loved you since the first moment I held you in my arms.” HMMMMMMMM
I’m loving this Nessian sparring training.
ELAIN! SHES IN THE STORY KIND OF
Elain has small boobs........same
“I thought I would drop by to see how you were doing.” AWWWWWWWWW
Yayy.....awkward sister talks........
“She was the monster.” Nesta.............I can relate.
Nesta’s angry at Elain.............
Elain’s trying to reach out and Nesta’s denying it.
MY HEART
AGAIN...THE👏RA👏PY👏
“No more seeing her sisters without her permisson.” That’s smart.
Soooooooooo......Rhys is now a German Shepard.........?
OMG CASSIAN KILLED EVERYONE THAT HELPED KILL HIS MOM........good for him
“Use that training and make me.” OOOOOOOMGGGGGG
Rhys is overprotective of Feyre and shields her......daaaaaaaaaaaaamn
“What exactly happened in the cauldron?” FEYRE BAD IDEA BAD IDEA BAD IDEA
Again, Nesta, ✨THERAPY✨
Put a stop to what, D-does the IC know of the ✨depression smut?✨
“There was touching, but with her permission” WE 👏STAN 👏A KING👏
THAT ASKS👏FOR👏CON👏SENT👏
“Who do you think I am?” “A drunk fool who’s wasting my time?” OOOOOOOHHHHH SHOOTS FIRED!!!
Emery and Nesta to Emery’s cousin: GO HOME YOUR DRUNK ASSHOLE
*hears Nesta’s grand✨mama✨* me: grandmama, it’s me....ANASTASIA
Bruh...NESTA BIT CASS’S EAR
ugh the tool
“Baby making” hehe lol
“Nesta like gwyn”...............could she also be biiiiiiiii??????????!!!!!! YAY FIRST FRIEND IM PROUD OF YOUUUUU
NESTA SMILES AGAIN YAY!!
Alright, Meryl is BITCH
GWYN’S A QUARTER NYMPH?? Cool
“She’s failed everything.” BBY
HER POWERS? HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT SILVER FLAMES
ICY FIRE??? FUUUUUUUUUCK
Nesta must’ve been petrified being surrounded by fire
It’s a dream? THE FUCK
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT SHE WAS DREAMING????
Cassian saw HER TRAUMA?????? FUUUUUUCK
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HER POWER IS DEAAAAATHH FUUUUUUCK
THE BABY HAS WIIIIINGS!!!!!!
Why is Rhys angry about the wing thing?
Ohhhhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiit the tool
*hearing the possibilities of half Illyrian baby* OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH FUUUUUCK OMG
“I loved it when you fucked my mouth cassian?” GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH NEEESTAAAAA THIS ISNT HEALTHY
“What could go wrong?” DONT JINX IT
fairy monsters? OHOHOHOOOO
NONONONOOOOOO NOT AN ASH ARROW
BLACK EYES???? Fuck fuck are they in the cauldron?
OMG THE KELPIE IS DOING SHIT TO NESTA!!! Are they on the cauldron?
the MAAAAAAASK
ohOOOOOOOMGOMGOMGOMG SHE SUMMONED THE FUCKING DEAD REEEEEEEEEEE
Omg NESTAS POWERS ARE SO FUCKING COOL
She LITERALLY HAS AN UNDEAD ARMYYYYY
death HERself........badass
“Because you and cassian has been giving each other sultry looks all morning” SHE KNOWS
“For the first time in her life, she finally felt good in her own skin.” GROWTH
Omg Nesta created a swooooord!!!!! Cool
ITS INFUSED WITH MAGIC??? HELL YEAH
“I can’t lie to her!” SIIIIIIIMP
“I’d be careful when fucking her.” Oh amren
FUUUUUUCK FUCK BOOOOOOOOO TAMLIN
“You will not touch us.” YES TELL HIM
“I can’t believe Feyre ever loved tamlin.” ME TOO
“Elain saw everything Nesta did.” Daaaaaaaaamn
OOOOOOOO NESTAS PIIIIIIIISSED
OOOOOOOOOOO SECRETS FEYRE’S PIIIIIIISED
Nesta messed up and I think she realizes that
Rhys is pissed now and wants to kill Nesta....SHIIIIIIIT
Nesta: heads for a tavern me: NONONONONO GODS DAMN IT YOU’VE COME SO FAR
“I will fight for him. For us. Until I can’t anymore.” FEYRE IS GONNA BE A GREAT MOM
“Wishing to disappear into nothing.” I’ve been there.
“Cassian knew Nesta hated herself, but didn’t know how sometimes she wanted to unexist.” I RELATE TO THAT SHIT
“She had been born wrong.” AWWWWW BBY SHIIIIIT
“Was she worth being counted?” I CAN RELATE
*hearing Nesta blaming herself for her fathers death and for the horrible things she’s done, saying she can’t fix it* SHIT IM CRYING (I’m not joking)
“ I deserve nothing.” I CAN RELATE BITCH IM ACTUALLY CRYING
*hears Cassian calmly reassuring and comforting her* AWWWWW I NEED THIS QUOTE
CASSIAN CARES SO MUCH FOR HER I LOVE THIS
(I really needed that cassian talk. I literally wrote most of the quote down just in case. Thank you SJM)
EMERY CAN SENSE THE SEX HOLY SHIT
“After he’d fucked her with her fingers...” O NONONONOOO
*skips to chapter 52*
Lanthis??? Who the fuck is that?
“Gwyn and Emery are my friends” SHES GROWN SO MUCH!!!
26 dimensions? OH THIS IS SOME DOCTOR STRANGE SHIT
IT CANT BE KILLED
cassian and Nesta really went *yeet* .......... I’m sorry
THE SWORDS NAME IS ADORAXIA!!!!!!!!!!!sounds like a dnd character IDEAS
OHOHOHOOOOO BLACK THRONE AND A CROWN DEATH QUEEN NESTA WITH HER HAIR DOOOOOOWN
Rhys vs Cassian standoff *western duel music starts*
NESTA APOLOGIZED FOR EARLIER IM SO PROUD
Did Elain have a vision? DID SHE???
“I want you to seduce him.” NESTA THE HIDDEN BARD ROLL FOR PERSUASION
Mor teaching Nesta the waltz? NESTA AND MOR CAN NOT HATE EACH OTHER
Are they back at their childhood home? Because oooooooooooof ✨ childhood trauma✨
MOR AND NESTA HAVING A CONVERSATION YAY!!!!! (This’ll make rping them so maybe easier)
“We’re in a book!” Holy shit they know. HIDE THE FANFICTION
The relationship between Nesta, Emery, and Gwyn is so wholesome
“Oh FUCK you” .... NESTA
“I was just checking on dessert” MOOD
MOR AND NESTA ARE HAVING A FRIENDLY CONVERSATION
I sense tension between amren and Nesta
ERIS WANTS NESTA????
“I’m not with you.” Lier
A SNOWBALL FIGHT WITH THE BATBOIS??? Holy shit they do have one(1) brain cell
A sleepover with Emery, Nesta, and Gwyn? SIGN ME UP
“Do it for the miniature Pegasus!” INSIDE JOKES
OOOOHHH i see the gwynriel ship
Wait....HER POWERS MADE THE HOUSE BE ALIVE??? Sweet
Alright 2 months til FEYSAND baby
The mating bond between cassian and Nesta?????.............
“Say it, SAY IT” GODS DAMN IT NESTA SAY THE FUCKING THING
So, Nesta’s afraid she’s gonna loose her humanity?
EMERIE NESTA AND GWYN ARE IN THE BLOODRITE? Fuuuuuuuuuck
OH NO EMERIE!!!!!!
“High Fae bitch” PUT THAT ON A SHIRT
OMG OMG OMG HELL YES VALKRIES
oh Cassian you restless bastard you
*hears Emerie’s backstory and their heart to heart* AWWWWWW I LOVE THEM
“The morrigan.” The fuck Eris?
“She’d hit the archway of stone” OOOOOOOOOOF
“For being my friends when I didn’t deserve it.” AWWWWWWWWWW
What about Feyre’s pregnancy???? Hewwo?
“Lord of bastards” heh true that’s cassian alright
Wait, OTHER set of wings
CASSIAN!!!!!!!!!!
“Now, I’m going to slit your little throat.” FUUUUUUUUCK NONONONOOOOO THIS ISNT CASS FUUUUCK
What’s the trove?
NONONONONOOOO WHYD HE GET STABBED SHIT HE GOT STABBED
Nesta’s pissed.....MAGIC TIME
wait wait wait wait wait HES NOT STABBED HELL YEAH!!!!
“You are my mate, Cassian.” ITS ABOUT FUCKING TIME
Nessian: kissing when the world is in ruin
“She started bleeding hours ago. “ BABY TIME???
*hears the blood and feyre’s appearance*!FUUUUUUUUUCK
So, no C section? OOOOOOH SHIT THEYRE DOING IT
IM SCARED IM SCARED IM SCARED
“Silent babe?” Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit
Nesta Nesta Nesta What the fuck are you doing???????? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
SHE HAS ALL 3! ONONONOOOOOFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOSHE PLUCKED IT FUCK
SHE STOPPED TIME?????????
WHOS the female voice?
“ I love you, Feyre” SHE DID IT IM SO PROUD!!!!!
What is she doing what is she doing what is she doiiiiingggg?
GIVE WHAT BACK?????
WHAAAAAT? A BARGAIN WITH THE FUCKING CAULDRON???
feyres alive? FEYRE’S ALIVE!!!!!!!
NESTA THE MVP!!!!
*the sister hug* AWWWWWWWWWWW
AWWWWWW I LOVE THE NAME NYX!!!!
How much did the Cauldron take from Nesta, tho?
FEYSAND IS BEST PARENTS
Alright, I want to see LOADS OF WHOLESOME FANFICS AND FANART ABOUT DOMESTIC IC AND ELAIN AND NESTA GOT IT?
#acotar#acowar#acofas#acomaf#acosf#acosf spoilers#feyre archeron#elain archeron#nesta archeron#rhysand acotar#cassian acotar#azriel acotar#morrigan acotar#mor acotar#amren acotar#gwyneth berdara#emerie acotar
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DAI Playthrough idea
Inquisitor Lucien Flavius Trevelyan. Ex-Circle mage, mostly content with life in the Ostwick Circle, likes the learning and academic side, does miss his parents, but no inclination to rebel until it was actually happening, at which point he ran off with the rebels because all his friends were doing it. Not religious, no real belief in Andraste whatsoever but kept quiet about it in the Circle. Since leaving, he’s become a lot more open about his views, and found to his surprise more people than he thought shared them, and there’s enough anger at the Chantry for him to acquire a coterie of fans and fellow freethinkers. He’s at the Conclave hoping to try and talk some sense into the Templars but it doesn’t go well.
Decisions!
Broadly pro-mage, not very pro-Chantry. Not anti exactly, but very much not pro either and really doesn’t like the Herald of Andraste title. Not up to speed on elven issues but the more he learns the angrier he gets at the Chantry, and he does find the culture fascinating.
Goes to Redcliffe to talk to the mages, finds out about the bargain with Tevinter, goes ‘what the actual hell have you done’ and ends up sorting that mess out. Templars can very much sort themselves out in his mind. He wasn’t harmed at the Circle but he saw things happen to others. Gives the mages an alliance. They were his friends after all.
As Inquisitor he wants to stand for order and justice rather than the faith or revenge and does his best to pick merciful, rational choices where possible. After Adamant, he keeps the Wardens as Inquisition allies, and at Val Royeaux, there’s a good chance of him getting all three parties to work together. Failing that, he’ll keep Celene as Empress, with or without Briala at her side. At the Well of Sorrows, Morrigan is getting the power - Lucien hears the words binding geas and goes nope, not for me kthnx.
Romances:
Awkward demisexual who preferred books and studying to anything else, Lucien’s got no romance experience but might consider it for the right person.
Cassandra: too intimidating by far! Also twice his age. Even if he was into intimidating older women, Cassandra has expectations of a romantic hero who will sweep her off her feet. Lucien has no idea where to even start so... doesn’t. Also she will not shut up about the Maker, and Lucien has spent the past two years becoming a fervent atheist and loving not having priests around any more. He can’t pretend to be Andrastian for her sake.
Iron Bull: Bull’s stories about his sexploits make Lucien’s eyes pop out and his hair stand on end. As far as romance goes, Lucien is fleeing in the opposite direction from this one. They get on well enough, and Lucien’s curious about the Qun... but not curious about anything else, thank you very much. Still, he cares enough to save Bull from the Qun.
Dorian: a possibility, and Dorian would definitely be interested, but it’s more likely these two will end up as besties rather than boyfriends. Never say never though. Lucien's really not OK with the way Dorian's family treated him and completely sides with him over it. If Lucien was accidentally flirting with him previously, Dorian might well choose that moment to confess his feelings. Not known how Lucien would respond.
Josephine: most likely out of all of them. Pretty, cultured, goes out of her way to make Lucien feel at ease, Lucien would likely adore her. Also the duel scene would be way more poignant with Lucien the inexperienced mage going rapier to rapier with a master duellist for her affections. Plus they’re both probably demi.
The rest of them:
Cullen: hasn’t got a clue what to make of this somewhat unimpressive young man but he’s who the faithful are rallying around and the only one who can close rifts so he’ll keep him alive. Becomes steadily more impressed with Lucien over the course of things. Lucien talks him out of going back on lyrium, having no wish to see anyone shackled by the Circle if they don’t want to be there, even Templars.
Leliana: scares the hell out of him. “No, don’t murder people!” becomes a common refrain. However, over time, she softens, he starts to see her less scary side, and he’s able to talk her down from murdering Sister Natalie. On seeing the change in her after, he’s got no hesitation supporting her for Divine.
Blackwall: they get on rather well! Lucien respects Blackwall’s experience, always appreciates a big strong fighter to hide behind, and Blackwall’s avuncular nature appeals. Finding out the truth about him is heartbreaking but Lucien can’t help but rescue him and give him another chance to do better.
Solas: Lucien respects his skills, does rely on his advice, but there’s something a bit off there. He doesn’t know what though. He wants to like Solas, but something just rubs him up the wrong way. Still, he’s a useful companion, they do get on, Solas seems to approve of Lucien’s decision-making on the whole, and Lucien loves asking him about ancient elven culture. He's less keen on the whole 'what if the Veil wasn’t here’ angle though. Solas disappearing will feel like a betrayal and really hurt.
Vivienne: nothing in common at all. Excellent chance he never recruits her in the first place. If he does, he spends the entire adventure regretting it.
Varric: takes Lucien under his wing from the outset and looks after him. Lucien’s appalled by some of Varric’s wilder exploits but does laugh anyway, and the two become fast friends. Even if Lucien does keep wanting to know how Bianca works.
Sera: they drive each other up the wall but Lucien is somehow still fond of her. That Tempest stuff is terrifying though.
Cole: weirds Lucien out completely, but he senses the spirit’s heart is in the right place and a spirit who turned human?? Come on, that’s a paper in its own right! Cole’s fate could go either way, but I suspect Lucien will go for the human option.
Lucien's parents: never had any other kids. They still miss and mourn him. They've been worried sick since the rebellion started and Lucien disappeared. He never wrote because there'd been no contact allowed for over a decade and it never occurred to him. But word of their son surviving the Conclave and joining the Inquisition reaches them and they put all family business in their steward's hands and go to Haven. They get there in time to find the ashes, but returning scouts, maybe even the Chargers, can tell them Lucien is not only alive but Inquisitor and take them to Skyhold. Cue tearful reunion, Lyra as quartermaster, Davidicus joining the researchers, either available as a party member if Lucien needs them.
Training specialty: none of the mage ones appeal. Knight-Enchanter? “No I don’t want to be up close and personal with the enemy, I want to be far away from the stabby things!” Rift Mage: “so... the initial innovators of this field are all dead due to the magic destroying them, and the second wave of experts are all off their trolley due to magical weirdness and seeing their friends disintegrated. Er... think I’ll give this one a miss, thank you very much.” Necromancer: “NO!”
In the end, he ends up studying Artificer after persuading his advisors that just because he's a mage doesn’t mean he should only study magic. “There’s so much else to study and learn! It can’t just be learning about magical energies and the Fade! There’s a rest of the world to see and study! Why should being able to do one thing make me incapable of doing anything else?” Cue magically enhanced traps, grenades and possibly some sort of Dwemer laser-enhanced crossbow thing replacing his staff.
Trespasser Lucien is a bit more cynical and battle-hardened and the constant pain from the Mark is no joke either. He’s honestly not surprised at Solas’s identity by the time it comes out, not as much as he should be. Does his best to save the dragon, would like to try and save Solas from himself if possible, but isn’t that committed to the idea. Disbands the Inquisition entirely, thinking it has served its purpose, and then returns to his parental home. He’s reinstated as their son and heir and is soon using Trevelyan money to build himself a whole series of prosthetic arms with a variety of attachments. Just in time for the big society wedding involving the Trevelyan heir and the Montilyet heir whose families saw a couple in love and made the wedding decision for them. Mostly they end up living in Antiva but Lucien’s parents are regular visitors... as are the rest of their former Inquisition colleagues.
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