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choicesficwriterscreations · 9 months

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CFWC Writer of the Month - Aug 2023: ao719

Each month CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers, and this month’s writer of the month is @ao719. We hope you will enjoy learning more about them and their work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog: ao719 Blog Masterlist

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Anitah

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

I first started playing in June 2018. The Royal Romance was the first book I played, and I got hooked from the end of the first chapter. At the time, they were midway through releasing TRR book 3, so I binged books 1 & 2 and finally caught up on the day of the wedding, where the chapter ended with the attack at the boutique. Then I didn’t know what to do with myself because it was the first time I had to wait a week to find out what was going to happen.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

Finding Tumblr was a complete accident. I was googling something really dumb about Liam and TRR and happened to stumble across a link for a fic on Tumblr. At the time, I didn’t know what Tumblr was; I’d heard of it but had no idea what it consisted of. The fic I came across was around 40+ chapters, and I was in my glory reading this angsty story about Liam, but it wasn’t finished, so when I reached the last updated chapter, I was like, “I need more.” So I opened Tumblr and searched for more Liam fics and found a trove. I lurked for another month or so before finally making my account in September 2018.

3- How did you pick your blog name?

I wish I had some good story for it, but it’s the most basic thing, lol. It’s just my initials and a significant date. I think if I came into the fandom with the intention of actually doing something with the blog, I would have tried to come up with something a little more clever and creative, but I had zero intention of doing anything but reading. I thought about changing it a few years ago, but when I learned that I’d have to relink everything in my masterlist, it didn’t seem worth the hassle.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!

It’s from the day TRR 3 ended and it’s about how I was sad that it was over but was glad that I had all these stories to read.

5- How long have you been writing fanfiction?

I’d never written anything until I joined the fandom, so I’ve only been writing for almost five years now. The thought of writing didn’t even cross my mind when I joined the fandom, but within a couple of weeks of making my blog, I had a random idea pop up in my head, and for some reason, I decided to write it down. A few days later, after talking myself out of posting and then talking myself back into it, I bit the bullet. For me to post a story that I wrote was entirely out of my comfort zone. I’m pretty shy and tend to be more of a wallflower, so I don’t usually put myself out there, especially like that, and I’ve never been someone who does something where I intentionally set myself up, knowing there is a very good chance that I will fail. And social media on any platform can be a pretty intimidating and terrifying place when you open yourself up, especially to strangers, even by way of posting a measly little fanfic. So to say I was terrified of posting that first fic is an understatement, but I’m so glad that I did.

6- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to write about?

The Royal Romance will always be my favorite. It was the first book I ever played and was the only one I played for well over a year (I just kept replaying over and over and over until @cocomaxley convinced me to give MotY a try, which I fell in love with). It’s my comfort book. And like every book, it definitely has its flaws, but I love it and the characters so much. And TRR is my favorite book to write about. Liam will always be my number one guy.

7- Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were writing it today?

The first fic that I wrote was I Dare You. It’s not an all-time favorite of mine, but I like it well enough that I wouldn’t change anything about it.

8- What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

This is tough because I have a few that I love for different reasons, but I think Always You will always be the most special to me because it was the first series I wrote that I can truly say I poured my whole heart into. I love that story, and I love the history between Liam and the OC, their bond, and their relationship.

9- Do you have a fic that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to be but found could use a little more love?

When I decided to start Hopeless Hearts, I didn’t think it would be received any differently from most things I’d written before. It was an idea I’d kept on the back burner for over 2 years prior to writing it because I didn’t think it was anything spectacular or out of the box. It turned out to be my most well-received series, and it became one of my personal favorites as well.

I don’t think anything I’ve written has left me feeling as though I wished it had gotten more. I’m still surprised to this day that anyone wants to read anything I’ve written at all, so any love that my fics get is beyond appreciated.

10- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Angst (but with a HEA). I love putting my characters through the wringer before giving them that happily ever after they deserve. Whether I’m reading or writing, there’s something about feeling the pain and longing they’re going through that gets me emotionally invested. I think that’s why I love the second chance romance trope so much, too. It’s a really versatile trope, but there’s a lot of room for angst in those kinds of stories because of that established history between the characters and a past that tore them apart the first time around.

11- Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

I think I sprinkle a little bit of myself into all of my MCs/OCs. It’s usually something small like a favorite food, a hobby, certain mannerisms, etc. I think the one that I’ve added more of myself into than any other and can relate to the most personality wise would definitely be Charlotte.

12- What element of writing do you struggle with most?

I struggle with all of it here and there, and I’m constantly questioning whether something makes sense, if it’s flowing together, if it’s too descriptive or not descriptive enough, etc. I think the one area I most consistently struggle with is deciding where and how to end because I always want to leave my chapters with a cliffhanger or if I’m finishing something for good, I want to give it the ending it deserves.

13- Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

I have quite a few that are unfinished that I know I more than likely won’t ever pick back up, mostly because I just lost my mojo for them, but there are definitely some that I want to finish. I’d really like to get back to Past Meet Present one day. I don’t even remember why I got off track with writing it, and it’s been at least two years or more since I last updated it 🫣 so I’m not sure if anyone would even still be interested at this point, but I’d really like to finish that along with Breaking Point and Us Again.

14- If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

No. Maybe. I don’t know, lol. I try to be a “never say never” kind of person, but writing is something that I’ve done for almost five years that literally no one in my real life knows about. Not my friends, not my family, not a single soul. It’s like my dirty little secret. And it’s a little tough because it does get lonely sometimes when you have something that you love doing so much but you just feel like you can’t share or aren’t ready to share that part of yourself with even those closest to you. I’m a pretty self-conscious person, and posting on here where I can hide behind a screen is hard enough; I get nervous and have a good spike of anxiety every time I post something, no matter what it is. I don’t know if I could handle someone who knows me personally even knowing that I write, let alone actually reading something I’ve written. I’ve got the bubble gut just thinking about it 🥴

15 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing?

I’ve been lucky enough to talk to and befriend some amazing and talented people in the time I’ve been here who I’ve certainly looked up to when it comes to their writing talents. And there are also those writers who I got to know after I’d been writing for a while that not only continued to inspire me with their amazing stories and talent but who also became a huge support and really close friends. They were and/or are always willing to brainstorm, look over snippets, help in those moments when I’ve been extra critical of myself and feeling very unsure, and/or have just been the absolute best cheerleaders and constantly supportive and encouraging to not only me but others as well. I don’t want to make a list because I always end up forgetting someone and I don’t want to leave anyone out, but anyone that fits that bill above, you know how much I love and appreciate each one of you.

16- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

I’d say either Always You or Hopeless Hearts for a movie. Series I think Full Disclosure with some Charlotte shenanigans would be pretty fun 😂

17- Do you write original fiction?

I haven’t. I’ve been asked a few times about whether I’ve thought about turning a couple of my series into original stories, but I just don’t think I’ll have the confidence to ever do it 😬

18 - What other hobbies do you have?

I do photography. I love calligraphy and making hand drawn quote signs on wood or canvas. I love to read — I’m currently in my fantasy girl era and have been obsessing over the ACOTAR series for months, lol.

19 - What’s your favorite emoji?

I use so many to express myself in conversations that I think it would be hard to pick just one. My most commonly used ones: 💀 😂 🥲 😬 �� 🥴 🥹

20: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

I just want to thank CFWC for working so hard to help keep this fandom active and supporting everyone here.

To anyone who’s taken any time to read my stories and interact with me in any way, I appreciate it more than I can say.

This place has been such an escape for me over the past (almost) five years, one I’m still very much in need of. So, whether you’re a content creator, writer, artist, reader, whatever the case may be, whether we’ve interacted before or not, thank you for what you’ve done to help keep this fandom alive.

#choices fic writers creations #cfwc writer of the month #playchoices #choices the stories you play #writer of the month #ao719 #august 2023 #choices fanfic #playchoices fanfic

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wintergrew · 1 month

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Actually i will say on KAYF...

The basic premise of KAYF was an idea I first got roughly ten years ago after watching various vampire media. (Let the Right One In, Shiki, etc.) Not the whole plot, but the basic premise of a (queer) couple broken up by one becoming a vampire while their town is being destroyed by...well, vampires. Originally with my friend's and my Star Wars ocs from the MMO swtor we were obsessed with and made a billion AUs for, but very quickly it became its own thing in my head with new OCs.

But at that point in my life i was not writing fiction. I was always too self conscious of my writing because someone flamed my cringeybwriting on Neopets when I was, like...8 or something. So I literally went a full ass decade without writing fiction (with the exception of a couple attempts i immediately abandoned because I hated them) until I decided to try again with South Park fanfiction because i don't even know. Which includes The Thief, which I was shocked people liked. It was a TERRIBLE point in my life, I should say, so having people enjoy what I wrote and saying nice things about it was quite literally one of the only good things I had.

But anyway I still had that vampire idea in the back of my head, but just as random scenes that played in my head of the two main charades + the person who ended up being Estella. (Though originally her and Scott's role was combined.) The plot wasn't really defined or anything, but the basic ending was in my head from the very very beginning.

Anyway...2020. i was supposed to see MCR. Then COVID postponed it. I was very sad about this. So I extra emo-ly listened to a shit ton of MCR. And listening to MCR, suddenly I was thinking about that vampire story and their music pretty much helped me put the plot into place. The terminal illness plotline. The vampire of the pairing being obsessed to save his love and the cruelty from the other vampires regarding that. And ofc the song Kill All Your Friends itself gave me the set up of an IT-like time skip where someone died and they all go back.

They were all still 100% OCs in my head at this point. I didn't really have much confidence anyone would like these idea but, I was actively writing South Park fanfiction people liked well enough. I'd only ever written fanfiction. So I was like "huh I guess I can make this idea Creek".

So I did. And then wrote three chapters and didn't update for a full year.

But then in 2021 it became my ADHD obsession. I stopped caring about The Thief Trilogy. All I could think of was KAYF and wrote the rest of it in three or so months... Over 100k words. Pretty sure the update schedule was longer than that, but I spaced out chapters by a week long after I was finished.

And people seemed to like it. It was too dark to be as popular as the Thief Trilogy, but I knew that. It was a much more personal story, though, especially with how emotional it was, so it meant SO MUCH to me that anyone liked it. Also because The Thief Trilogy feels basically just like a bloated fanfiction adaptation of the SOT game to me, while KAYF feels like mine, so the kind words for it meant even more in a way.

Until someone I thought was a friend trashed it relentlessly. Like, I'm fine with constructive criticism but they were just horrible. Spoiled the plot for people who wanted to read it directly after i asked them not to, went on condescending rants about how there was too much filler, how Tweek in it was an awful character who deserved to die, claimed characters were all too unsympathetic, joked about parts I meant in earnest, etc. And they got really mad at me that my feelings were hurt by this. It was a whole thing.

Anyway, I'm still to this day years later obsessed with this story year. I think about it every day, which is probably more unhealthy ADHD shit. And I always think about how to make it better. I hate how I wrote it so fast and didn't think about certain details or pacing or what have you. Like, once I finished writing it, I was sad because I wanted to keep writing it. I still do.

I hate that I disappoint people by not having it out there. I want it out there, just not the version I rushed in three months.

So, for now, the fic is hidden. Indefinitely.

Anyway if you read all this tl;dr rambling congratulations I guess.

#kayf

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lemoncrushh · 6 months

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a sad little life update...

hi friends. I know Tumblr isn't always the best place to post about personal shit, but I feel the need to let some things out, and if you wondered why I've been MIA...

a few weeks ago, I got fired from my job. it was a sucky job, I didn't really like it, but it was close to where I live and it had health insurance. I'd only been there since January. the ironic thing is it was a mental health treatment center. but the owner didn't give a shit about the mental health of his own employees. he just wanted to make money. I ended up sending a long email about how I felt working there and what I was unhappy with (I won't go into those details here). a week later the HR lady told me they were letting me go. not the boss. not my supervisor. nobody else talked to me.

in the meantime (actually the day before), I had reconnected through Facebook with an old high school boyfriend. we exchanged numbers and chatted every day. he had been going through his own shit, but had a new outlook on life, positivity and all that. so he told me he wanted to help me. he lives three hours from me, and he even offered to let me live with him and get a job there. so anyway, he invited me to come visit for a weekend, and I was so excited. although we both agreed not to have any expectations (just see how it goes), we flirted all the time. for the first time in a really long time, I was feeling happy.

when I got to his place, I didn't notice the change at first. but that night he pretty much rejected me. we kissed, but he said we shouldn't "do anything reckless." I was like what?? I let it go because I knew he was tired (he works nights and had been killing it all week). the next day, although he wasn't really standoffish, I kept getting the feeling he was entering the friend zone. that night, he rejected me again (gave me some lame friend excuse), and I cried my eyes out. the next morning he asked if we were okay, but I told him I didn't know. honestly, I couldn't even look at him knowing he didn't want me. so I left. I cried almost the whole way home.

he'd told me to text him when I got home, so I did. but he didn't reply. I kept texting him, but I got nothing. when I finally heard from him, he said he was "giving me space". I told him I didn't want space, I wanted to talk. I couldn't tell if he was angry at me for leaving, or at himself for rejecting me, but I think it's the latter. we had even had a discussion at his place about how I hate when guys ghost me. but that's exactly what he's doing. he told me he was "attracted to my heart and my mind", something about my potential. That was over a week ago. Last Wednesday is the last time I heard from him. I'd asked him what I could do to make things better. he said to let him finish his day and catch up on what I wrote. he has not texted me since, even though I've sent a few more messages.

I feel so pathetic. if it was just some random guy, I probably would have just shaken it off and moved on. but because we had history, and because he'd seemed so adamant (and excited) about helping me, I just feel so lost and confused. my heart hurts so bad. some days are worse than others. today was the worst because I went back and read some of our old conversations. how could he say those things and then take it all back?

when he knew me before, I barely weighed 100 pounds. I have gained another 80 since then. I told him I was fat. he argued I wasn't. but I think once he saw me in person he was disappointed. he was probably trying to let me down easy, hoping we could still be friends. but it ended up biting him in the ass because I got upset and called him on it. he's choosing to ignore me rather than admit the truth because then he'd be the asshole. that is the only explanation that makes any kind of sense to me.

anyway, sorry for the rambling. in the meantime, I'm still living at my ex's house, still trying to find a job. I'm still waiting for my bankruptcy to be filed (just a couple things left to do, but it's taking forever), and I have no money.

because of all this shit, I have had no motivation to do any writing, or even reading. I'm so sorry. I just can't even bring myself to think about it.

rejection seems to be following me everywhere. in my teens, I was always rejected by guys I liked because I was a virgin and they didn't wanna be my first. when I finally found someone, he rejected me a week later to go back to his ex. my own ex husband didn't wanna marry me at first. now that I'm older, men don't want me because of my age or my body. I get rejected for jobs because I don't have a four year degree or the experience they want or I'm too old. I've never been anyone's favorite. never been anyone's first choice.

I had really hoped this old boyfriend connection was kismet. that we had come full circle and were supposed to help each other (even though I never believed in that sort of thing before). I'm so heartbroken :(. it hurts.

#personal #read if you want

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evieismol · 1 year

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Roadtrips, portals, and other things (like being 3 inches tall)

A short gt one shot I wrote based on a dream I had.

Word count: 700 words

Alana had had quite a few weird days in her life. There was the time she’d found out her ex boyfriend was cheating on her, with her friend Delaney’s coworker, at said coworker’s baby shower. Tthe time she and Delaney had missed their bus and ended up hitchhiking several hours with a former cult member. The time Delaney had invited a random twitch streamer to join them on spring break.

Delaney was generally the common denominator when it came to weird events, actually. Alana had come to accept that about her friend years ago. At the very least, it made for some good stories (and a panic attack or two). Still, this day took the cake even by normal Delaney standards.

When Alana had gotten a call from her college friend two weeks ago asking if she wanted to go on a roadtrip to Washington State, she’d happily accepted. Her remote job meant she didn’t have to worry about taking days off to travel. And life had been beginning to feel a bit boring lately. She’d thought a weeklong trip to the gorgeous Pacific Northwest was the perfect way to liven things up a bit - plus whatever hijinks Delaney ended up pulling them into.

What she hadn’t thought was that she’d find herself standing in a field of grass far taller than she was, staring up at their now giant former friend who apparently wasn’t human, next to a tropical beach on an island that wasn’t supposed to exist.

Yeah, this one definitely takes the cake, Alana thought.

“Are you freaking out? Don’t freak out,” Theo said, crouching down to be closer to their height. He still towered over them. When he’d said they’d be three inches tall after going through the portal, she hadn’t really conceptualized just how big everything - and everyone - else would seem in comparison.

“Just-just a little,” Alana managed. She took a deep breath that was meant to be calming, looking around at her new surroundings. Where cars, skyscrapers, and the perpetual gloom of Seattle had sat moments before, an entirely different scene now lay. The field they were in stopped abruptly at a cliff, and beyond that, a thin, sandy beach, dotted by palm trees. The sun was starting to dip below the horizon, painting the sky in pastel hues. Behind her, there was what looked to be the start of a suburban neighborhood. If suburban neighborhoods were usually full of tropical plants, free of cars, and composed of nearly endless varieties of architecture making up the houses as opposed to cookie cutter buildings.

“Well, I guess that’s to be expected,” Theo replied.

“A kiddy pool. That’s a strange place for a portal,” Delaney said casually. She was taking this all pretty well, it seemed.

“Precisely,” Theo replied. It was then that another individual fell into the field, appearing from seemingly thin air just as they had.

“Jack. Took you long enough,” Theo said. Jack was a friend of Theo’s, and by that Alana meant, also not human. She and Delaney had only met the man a few hours prior, but Theo said he’d known him for several years and they could trust him.

Hopefully we can trust Theo, Alana thought. Earlier that morning, when Delaney mentioned meeting up with their old friend, she never would have questioned whether or not she could trust him. The three of them had been pretty close in college, and it was only time and distance that had resulted in them drifting apart. At one point she’d even thought she knew about everything going on in his life. That was decidedly not the case.

“I was making sure no one was watching,” Jack said, drawing himself to his feet and dusting himself off. “So, how long do you think they’ll have to stay here.”

“Couple days, maybe,” Theo said. “Until that detective gets bored.”

Right. As if everything else that had happened hadn’t been enough, there was that. The fact that Delaney and Alana had ended up right in the middle of a black market antiques investigation. Something they had absolutely no involvement in, but Theo apparently did.

God, I really know how to pick friends, Alana thought.

#g/t #giant/tiny #gt #sfw g/t #gt sfw #gt writing #male giant #g/t writing

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lilsadcactus · 2 years

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I went back to one night stands after kevin wrote that goodbye email around June, the thing is I wasn’t fucking around cuz we were “together” since December til well, June… when that email arrived I think I lasted a month without sex then I just figured out sleeping around might be a good way to forget we talked about marriage. I mean they don’t even get to know me it really is just some chit chat bullshit stuff & sex till me or the other one makes up some “can’t stay, gotta go rn” excuse to get dressed and leave the place usually to never see each other again. Seemed fair. But I think it’s not working ahahah I still get sad about Kevin not to mention Fabian and I can’t unsee the mayor red flag that is me hooking up with random people… been here before, kinda hated it, time to go

+5 since last month and one guy actually asked me how many guys and gals I’ve slept with expecting me to give some random number and info about them but I just can’t recall, I’ve never even cared to know some of their names. I think that’s why I consider only the ones I fell for, those with enough emotional connection with to fuck me up, so yeah

I’m bored

I should get back to celibacy

Funny thing: Pietro visited a week or so and we met and talked about life for a while then he said he wanted to have fun with me like the old times and I kinda got sad cuz I really don’t even remember how or why, when, where we fucked… just knew it was around 2018, he said “I’m so stressed about my dad, work, my girlfriend…” suddenly all I could hear was he has a girlfriend and thinks I’m gonna fuck him anyway. That’s sad, I do care, I don’t want to be that girl... So I said no man i won’t do it and he got confused like why??? Mab??? Is u ok why won’t u do it U DIDN’T CARE LAST TIME he said as if I knew years ago he was taken… we met on tinder man I didn’t even ask… that shit got me thinking but we ended up drinking a couple beers and he opened up about his dad (man’s dying) his work and how his relationship is over they just be living together by now ecc ecc in the end he asked me to fuck

Like that’s how he sees me. And I guess he’s not the only one, i don’t even know how many people are out there thinking to themselves “remember that one Mabelle or something I used to fuck with? Sure I can still hit that whenever I want cuz she can’t say no+ she doesn’t care”

Sadly enough I do care. I choose not to show it tho

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mygfmadeit · 3 years

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A review on Hobonichi Day Free after two years

What kind of planner do you use?

I started using the brand Hobonichi a few years ago. I liked the design and the tomoe river fountain paper they use in their planners. They have plenty of really nice covers and accessories which made it even more interesting. I’m not really the journal and decorative type person although I wish I could be! So I use planners for ‘to do lists’ and other random notes.

I actually first picked up the A6 techo original on sale a few years back but then decided it was too small and the daily pages weren’t for me as I left many pages blank. So I decided to give the A5 day free a try in 2020. It worked really well and I used it for notes and planning too.

This year though I left a lot more blank as I felt pretty lazy recording everything down and ended up using it more as a notebook rather than a planner. Due to this change, I felt that I wasted it and could have just bought a notebook instead of paying for the planner.

After two years I think it’s better just to buy a notebook as I found I didn’t really use the calendar that much in 2021. Some months I was a lot more organised and wrote things down and some months I wasn’t.

I was thinking of going to the cousin avec with the daily pages but then I kept thinking if I would really use all the pages. I never thought of trying out the weeks version as I feel like it would be too small and I have pretty messy writing that is sometimes small or really large but this year I decided to try it.

I purchased one original weeks planner from the hobonichi website. There was a ‘Weeks Mega’ which has more pages at the back but thought I’d try the original first and also because the original version had a floral cover I liked. I was thinking of purchasing the weeks and a plain A5 notebook, if I needed a seperate book to write notes on but since I still have plenty of blank pages from the 2020 and 2021 day free I should just use the pages from them and not waste it. At one point I considered even purchasing the cousin and the weeks to see which one would suit me, but I’ll never be a seperate planner type of person! Also it seems like the milligram store in Melbourne stocks the notebooks, so if in the future I want one I could just buy it there.

One reason why I really didn’t want to switch to the weeks as I have two A5 covers which I really like but decided I could still store my A5 day frees in them I can still use at home for random notes.

Since shipping is quite costly to order from the hobonichi website I also added a couple more things like accessories. I also purchased a really cute cover for my weeks planner! I wasn’t sure if I should purchase locally on milligram as it works out to be quite similar if I was just purchasing the planner but milligram ended up selling out of the weeks planner I wanted so the hobonichi website it was. I actually only planned to buy the cousin avec but that didn’t work out and I spent a lot more. Nice designs and stationery are one of my weak spots ;_;.

So overall, after two years I don’t think the day free is for me and it’s probably better to just use a plain notebook. I will be trying the weeks for 2022, hopefully it suits my needs. I chose the weeks for 2022 because I found that I actually didn’t need that much space and I wanted a daily layout and the weeks version has a vertical daily layout which I like. Maybe if it doesn’t I will try the cousin avec next time.

#hobonichi #japanese #planner #organisation #stationery #pretty #notebook #journalling

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thisaintascenereviews · 7 months

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Zach Bryan - Boys Of Faith - EP

Zach Bryan just never sleeps, doesn’t he? After releasing his incredible self-titled album a few weeks ago, he teased people with collaborations with Noah Kahan and Bon Iver, ultimately releasing those songs on the form of the Boys Of Faith EP this past Friday. I wasn’t originally going to review it, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt as though I said, albeit it briefly, because there isn’t a whole lot to say about this EP. This is like when he released Summertime Blues a few months after American Heartbreak last year, but the only difference is that despite being a random EP of what seemed like outtakes and B-sides, Summertime Blues was better than American Heartbreak and has some of my favorite Zach Bryan songs.

Boys Of Faith, however, definitely feels like a collection of outtakes, even though a couple of these songs are quite great. A couple of these tracks are older songs that Bryan wrote and never recorded, such as “Deep Satin,” and “Pain, Sweet, Pain,” but the songs with Noah Kahan and Bon Iver are new, along with a new solo cut, “Nine Ball.” The new solo cut, “Nine Ball,” is one of my favorites, especially for its lyrical content that shows Bryan looking back on his father betting on him when playing pool, although in retrospect, it seems like his father had a gambling addiction. I like the lyricism there, because it’s the perfect song that describes how kids worship and idolize their parents and don’t see the bad sides of their parents sometimes, and only realize that things they did or saw were actually wrong when they grow up.

“Sarah’s Place” with Noah Kahan is great, too; the pair work very well together, and the song is catchy and nostalgic, talking about good times and memories spent at an ex’s apartment, even if it’s nothing outright special. That’s how I feel about the whole EP. It’s nothing special, but for what it is, I enjoy it quite a bit. It’s 16 minutes, so it doesn’t take up a lot of time, especially when his last album is almost an hour. In a way, though, the fact that these songs feel like outtakes doesn’t bug me, because they stand up on their own, and if anything, this EP almost complements the album. This has a burst of energy that the album itself didn’t really have (I love the self-titled album, by the way; it’s one of my favorites of the year).

Zach Bryan went from being on the fringes of mainstream country / folk to being the frontrunner of the genre in the span of a couple of years. It’s amazing how popular he’s gotten, but it’s deserving. Even now, with all of his fame, he’s still consistently delivering music. His last album was an hour, so he didn’t need to release anything else all year, but he came through with another EP after teasing some songs the last few weeks. This EP, well, it’s great. This is nothing out of the ordinary for him, and the features of folk artists Noah Kahan and Bon Iver make sense, but it’s still catchy, fun, and short.

#zach bryan #noah kahan #bon iver #sarah’s place #boys of faith #pain sweet pain #deep satin #country #folk music

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alexandratheromantic · 2 years

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Reading | Pauline Johnson’s Poems

Pauline Johnson has surpassed Phillis Wheatley Peters to become my favourite poet that we looked at in class (except, of course, for that dude who wrote that masterpiece about that Baptiste dude) and going through her poems, I was very much caught off guard by how contemporary they still read. While many of the poets we came across were popular for their time and now cease to resemble anything that we would look at as a “good poet,” Johnson is decidedly a good poet. Her work stands up both as competent writing, while being as relevant as ever thematically, and I think that’s really worth some applause. I think I’ve also barely read any good poems--if ever any--about Vancouver, and so I really appreciated A Toast and Lost Lagoon in particular for that reason. As a matter of fact, it seems that Vancouver, while home to many artists and while much art has been produced here, has never been its own subject the way that New York and Los Angeles have been. When films are produced here, Vancouver is called other places and dressed up as other cities because we are cheaper to film in than those actual locations. Many of our promising artists move away to places like Montreal because it’s just too unaffordable here and art is not typically a high paying career. And music used to be produced here but the market was never huge and seems to be relatively gone nowadays, and we have fewer and fewer music venues all the time. We just are not quite an art city because of our economic situation, and so, we do not have great art about this city. Pauline Johnson might be the closest I have come to finding somebody who wrote about Vancouver in a way that was both beautiful and honest.

I wanted to flag these lines from A Toast, not really to talk about them, but just to highlight them, because I thought they were very beautiful, and the beautiful, I think, deserves sometimes to be left unanalyzed and simply appreciated.

And here's to the days that are coming, And here's to the days that are gone, And here's to your gold and your spirit bold, And your luck that has held its own; And here's to your hands so sturdy, And here's to your hearts so true, And here's to the speed of the day decreed That brings me again to you.

I think something that really works about her poetry is the way that she rhymes just enough and has just enough repetition that we are given something that is structurally sound enough that we can recognize it as poetry, yet at the same time, she does not sacrifice that sense of heart and soul by making her writing excessively structured and formulaic.

One last thing--there is apparently a candy brand named Pauline Johnson. The Value Village on East Hastings that just burned down, I just read, had been a Pauline Johnson candy factory before it had been Value Village. Very random but cool fun fact, also, was so random to hear that in the news after just learning about who Pauline Johnson was a couple weeks ago.

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 years

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Story time! So I’ve got this friend Phil.

Now Phil is damn near indescribable as a person. To be honest, if you wrote him as a character, no one would entirely believe it, unless you put him in a comedy show where reality is slightly twisted and therefore people can be much more... Phil-like. He is actually incredibly clever, but no one can really tell, because thanks to a very strong case of the ole ADHD (don’t @ me I have it too) he is also as impulsive as a sugar-high kitten and makes the sorts of leaps in logic that only the super neurodiverse who are connecting random shit together at the speed of sound and then forgetting what they started with can, which means he does not come across as clever; no, he comes across as Very High and also Very Dumb. He combines this with also being astonishingly kind and breathtakingly easily impressed, so he will respond to anything you say at all with the enthusiastic child-like wonder of an eager and delighted freshly-landed alien.

And he’s a standup comedian, which is how I know him. Weirdly, even though he has a billion completely fascinating stories, he never talks about them on stage because he doesn’t see them as fascinating. He once had to swim out to sea to avoid a pack of rabid dogs. He once fought a spider for an Oreo and lost. He once agreed to have tantric sex with a woman without knowing what it was, but assumed that the word sounds a bit like frantic so that must be it, and then spent four hours in a state of polite bewilderment and increasing horny frustration because he was too nice to say anything. He doesn’t think any of these stories are interesting or funny.

Anyway, he’s decided he wants to be an engineer, and so has gone back to uni. As part of this, his maths needs to be good, so he’s paying my husband to tutor him, because Steff is very good at maths. At the same time, though, because comedy gigs dried up somewhat during lockdown, he got a job in a call centre for a phone company whose name I shall redact for the purposes of this story.

Now, this company has a policy of doing a Big-Ass Weekly Meeting, and everyone has to attend over Zoom, once a week. Except, obviously, these meetings are very boring, and contain over 50 people at any one time, and most people are mute participants to the whole sorry affair and just count down the minutes until they can log off. Phil is no exception to this, so he uses the time to practice his maths.

On the day in question, a couple of weeks ago, that’s what he was doing. But Phil being Phil, he made something of an error.

Everyone has to have their cameras on, you see. But rather than muting himself as well, Phil decided to just turn down the volume on the meeting and then carry on with some sums. This itself wouldn’t be a problem, but for two things:

Phil, when he does maths, mutters under his breath to himself (”Okay but if that’s 2... can that be a four? That doesn’t seem right. Let’s divide it by that number instead, that’s probably it. Wait, is that balanced?” etc)

On this particular day, Something Happened.

Part way through his maths, Phil suddenly becomes aware that... something is wrong. Something is not happening that should be happening. A noise he hadn’t been hearing had stopped. He pulls the meeting screen back up.

Fifty people are silently staring at the screen.

This is weird, thinks Phil, and tries to work out what the fuck is going on. The screen is not frozen. The sound is still working. Fifty people are just staring into their cameras.

“So,” says his supervisor suddenly. “Is that everything, Phil?”

And Phil says, “Hmm?”

“...That’s great, isn’t it?” the supervisor says.

“Yeah,” says Phil vaguely, calling on every comedian skill and instinct he possesses to stay cool and not cry.

“Okay,” the supervisor says oddly. “Well, let’s move on...”

The meeting continues. Hastily, Phil messages a friend in the meeting to ask what just happened. The story comes out.

Turns out... the week before, Phil had had a phonecall.

Like so many of his customers, it was an old woman who didn’t know how the internet worked and was very confused, and honestly, was lonely and wanted to talk to someone. He gets a lot of people like that, and each time he’ll periodically say just the right scripted sentence like “Is there anything else I can help you with?” that means they can keep chatting to him and he can officially stay on the line if a manager decides to listen in, because Phil is extremely ditzy but really not stupid. Anyway, this old woman, Mari, had mentioned that she lived alone in lockdown, and she missed seeing her grown up kids and having a meal with them.

So Phil, being an extremely kind and exquisitely weird man, says “Tell you what, I’ll order you an Uber Eats if you like, on me.”

Which actually becomes a whole Thing, because Mari does not know what an Uber Eats is, and for a while thinks he’s saying he’ll personally cook her dinner. But after some back and forth, Phil gets her to understand.

“Pick a cuisine,” he says. “What do you fancy?”

“Well,” says Mari. “I suppose a roast dinner.”

“There we are,” says Phil cheerfully. “I’ll send you one.”

“Ooh, lovely!” says Mari. “And a bottle of wine, bach.”

“Sure,” sighs Phil, impressed by Mari’s gumption. “And a bottle of wine.”

So he does, and thinks that’s the end of it. And it is... until the day before this weekly meeting, when Mari’s glowing letter of praise landed on the head boss’ desk, describing what incredible customer service this young man called Phil had given her and how impressed and touched she was.

So, in this meeting, Phil’s supervisor, delighted with his worker, read out the letter. “I have the most astonishing piece of customer feedback,” he says, reading out Mari’s words. “I’m at a loss for words! In all my years of doing this job, of working in this field, I’ve never known such dedication, and such outstanding care for the customers! So congratulations, Phil, we’re giving you a gift voucher and we thank you for your work. Do you have anything you want to say?”

At which point...

Fifty people go quiet to listen to Phil.

Who, to them, is staring into the camera, intensely concentrating, and trying to speak.

“Sorry, Phil,” one person says after a bit. “I think your microphone is turned down. We can’t quite hear you.”

No response. Phil continues, apparently speaking, but unheard.

And then he stops, his concentration changing, and he stares back, now silent.

“So,” says the supervisor, unnerved. “Is that everything, Phil?”

“Hmm?” Phil says.

“...That’s great, isn’t it?” the supervisor says, trying to get SOMETHING out of this, his Weirdest Employee.

“Yeah,” Phil says vaguely.

Everyone collectively decides to move on.

Incredibly, this is not even the weirdest thing he’s done in that job, and I think his supervisor is as surprised as the rest of us that he hasn’t fired Phil yet.

#long post #another triumph for the seedless watermelon #vote for phil

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maedaex2combo · 2 years

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————————————

Warnings: Strong language(?)

Pairings: Karkat x Reader, Dave x Reader(?) (Gender-neutral!Reader)

Summary: You’re a little bored today, like most days, on this damn meteor. Everyone else is busy, so you have no choice but to hang out with Karkat. This probably won’t go well. Or will it?

A/N: Ahhh! This is my first fanfiction I’m ever posting. I’ve written fanfiction for a while, but I’ve never really wanted to post it. I suppose I’m starting today! I’ll definitely be writing for other characters in homestuck, but also different series/fandoms! I hope you enjoy this cute little wholesome piece I wrote while I was rereading the comic. Sorry if I’m not great at writing for certain characters, I try my best. If anyone wants me to make a follow up on this story, let me know! I wasn’t gonna make another part honestly, but I might if people want it, or if I just feel like it one day. :b (Disclaimer that I’m a huge DaveKat shipper and if I write a sequel or more about this timeline it will probably heavily include Dave lol sorry)

————————————

===> Be Y/N post-scratch (pre-retcon)

You are now [Your] and [Name], respectively.

You let out a deep sign. You’ve been staring down at this notebook you were doodling on for so long, you feel like your neck might just be stuck in a hunchback position permanently once you try to look up. You stopped doodling in the book a while ago, just blankly staring into space, thinking about random things. And by space you mean this book, which you were drawing galaxies and shit on.

Your mind wanders a lot these days. You cant even keep track of how long you’ve spent on this damn speedy ass meteor. It was interesting for the first week maybe, but it’s gotten a little boring. It feels like an eternity since you guys departed from the green sun.

Oh well, you’ve seem to come-to out of your imagination so you might as well take in your surroundings now. You hesitate for a moment at the very real, and totally not preposterous idea that your neck might actually be stuck in position. And that when you try to lift it up it’ll snap, and you’ll paralyze yourself, and then you’d just have to writhe embarrassingly on the floor in front of your friend.

Nah, just kidding. That wouldn’t happen. That’d be terrible though.

Anyways.

You lift your head up and take in your surroundings. You’re in, what you like to call the “library-living-room”, of the meteor. No one else calls it that, but you think you might be getting Rose in on it, since she referred to it as such during your last conversation a couple hours ago. Speaking of Rose, there she is, like probably 6 feet away from you, engulfed in some book as always. She looks really focused, but also happy! She always seems to have this slight smile whenever she’s reading, like she’s always happy to be gaining more knowledge. It’s really cute honestly. Rose and Kanaya are your best friends at this point, you practically spend all your time around them.

That, however, is starting to be more and more of a problem. It’s obvious to anyone around those two that they’re SO into each other, and it kinda makes anyone feel like the third wheel if there’s not a 4th person around. Most of the time anyways. I mean, they are still friends, but they have this like really subtle, mutual way of flirting with each other sometimes. It’s really cute x2. But, in short, you gotta give them their alone time from time to time. Time time time. You wonder where Dave is.

Speak of the devil, Kanaya just walked in!

….

What?

Did you think I was referring to Dave? No, I was just talking about Kanaya, that transition totally made sense!

“Hello, Rose. Hello, Y/N.”

You wave to her with a smile, leaning back on the wall behind you.

“Kanaya, I’m glad to see you.” Rose says to her “I wanted to show you something.”

“Show me something? What is it?” She replies, bending down to have a look at something rose is referring to.

You wonder why she didn’t want to show you, even though you’ve been sitting in the same room in silence for like a couple hours now. You decide not to say anything, you’d probably come off as jealous or bitter or something. Your words tend to come out the wrong way sometimes.

Kanaya sits down next to her and they begin to talk. You start drowning it now, zoning out again. You admire the two in front of you, they’d be so good together. You can’t wait for it to just finally happen already.

After a bit of your mind wandering, you come-to again. The ladies are giggling and having a moment now. One of THOSE moments. You decide you should take your leave at this point.

You stand up. “Hey y’all, I’m gonna go find Dave. Any idea where he is?”

They look up at you as you walk over. “I passed by him earlier, it looked like he was going to that chalk drawing room he, Terezi, and the mayor are always in.” Kanaya responds to you.

“Chalk drawing room?” You giggle “I like that name. Did you name it that?”

“Well… no, I called it that just now… because I’m not quite sure how to refer to rooms here. I suppose it’s hard to give directions. I’ve never realized this.” She says, now a little flustered.

“Should we start labeling the rooms?” Rose suggests. “We could always number them, in descending or ascending order from the roof or floor respectively. Hell, we could even label them with letters. Though, I am forewarning that the former system would probably be more confusing than the previous alternatives.”

This conversation kinda blows. You totally just interrupted whatever sweet moment they were just bonding over. You gotta go!

“Well, you guys let me know if you decide, but I’m just gonna keep calling them goofy names anyways! Thanks though, Kanaya! I’ll see you guys later.”

They can’t really say anything else, because you’re already leaving as you say your goodbye. They can only nod and wave in response before you disappear into the hallway.

You shudder as you quickly make your way to the chalk-drawing-room. Why is it always so cold only in the hallways specifically? Maybe it was your imagination, but you always moved pretty quickly from room to room anyways. It gives you the creeps to be out here alone. Honestly everywhere in the meteor-lab gives you the creeps, you always try to stay with someone as often as you can. And also to try and use the transportalizer as often as possible. But of course, the one to your destination just broke recently, due to DaveKat fighting shenanigans.

Chalk-drawing-room…. You think about whether you really like that name. You kinda wanted to call it mayor-town-room, since the whole room is covered in the mayors little town area that Dave and Terezi collaborated on. You guess you can call it chalk-drawing-room though, only because kanaya said it, and it was kinda adorable!

You finally make it to the chalk-drawing-room, and you peer inside to see if Strider really is in here. And there he is! Standing on a desk/table. What is he doing? You move in a little further to get a better look.

Oh my gosh, Terezi is on his shoulders! They’re drawing something way up on the wall. Honestly, this is a pretty impressive effort they’re making right now, even though you’re pretty sure Dave could just fly up there, right?? You kinda just stare at them for a while. Totally not in a creepy way or anything.

Then suddenly, they’re starting to lose balance! Oh god, they’re gonna fa- and down they go.

You gasp quietly and cover your mouth to silence it. You’re about to go see if they’re alright when- Oh. Actually it seems like Dave kinda caught Terezi. So she must not be hurt.

“dude are you okay? i told you this shit was not a good idea.”

“1M F1N3!!! YOU TOT4LLY BROK3 MY F4LL! SHOULDNT 1 BE 4SK1NG YOU TH4T??”

“oh yeah im fine. that definitely wouldve made me break a butt bone or something if I wasn’t like. this awesome god tier motherfucker. that can fly.”

You notice he’s hovering right above the table.

“Y34H, WH4T3V3R. BUT DONT S4Y TH4T. 1T R3M1NDS M3 OF H1M.”

“right. sorry. but look, bottom line, i totally just saved your ass. literally.”

“OH WOW D4VE, YOUR3 SO R1GHT. TH4NK YOU SO MUCH FOR S4V1NG M3. *ROLLS 3Y3S DR4M4T1C4LLY*.”

“dont start roleplaying with me out loud.”

“1M NOT ROL3PL4YING, 1 4M JUST D3SCR1B1NG TO YOU WH4T MY 3Y3S WOULD B3 DO1NG 1F TH3Y COULD! 3V3N 1F TH3Y COULD DO 4 ROLL, YOU WOULDNT B3 4BLE TO S33! 4ND 1 WOULDNT B3 4BL3 TO S33 1F YOU D1D 31TH3R B3C4US3 W3R3 BOTH TOT4LLY 4W3SOM3 SUNGL4SS W34R3RS!!! >:]]]]”

“oh damn i thought you wouldnt able to see for a totally different unrelated reason.”

“1 KNOW D4VE. 1 W4S JUST TRY1NG TO COMPL1M3NT US BOTH.”

“yeah, were pretty awesome.”

Yknow, you wonder why you’re still standing here, observing their conversation. You guess you would have walked in and asked if they needed help or something, if you didn’t get this like- weird vibe from what’s happening right now. It’s almost like…… oh man. Yeah it’s like what you feel when you’re around Rose and Kanaya. They’re not really flirting, but it just feels weird to interject. He’s holding her and they’re having a bonding moment, and- oh okay, she just licked him. You’re hoping she was like getting chalk off him or something. You decide to back out now.

That made you feel… weird. Definitely contradicting with some feelings you may or may not have had for Dave. For years. That’s okay though. We’re just not gonna think about it.

Now you’re getting a little anxious. You’ve been in the hall too long without someone else. What if he were to just show up and slaughter you right now???

“He” being Gamzee. Ever since you got to the meteor (via jades weird portal body) and the trolls told you guys what awful things Gamzee had done prior to arriving at the green sun, you have been a little scared shitless of him. It seems like no one else feels this way really, besides maybe Kartkat, but he’s the one who keeps the guy under control. Everyone else just doesn’t care, or wants to go kill him themselves (which honestly you wouldn’t be apposed to). You’re probably the weakest one out of everyone here, since you never ended up reaching god tier, and you’re not a troll who grew up being trained for this type of thing.

You just want to avoid him at all costs, which hasn’t been a problem since no one really sees him besides Karkat, as mentioned. But you always stick around Kanaya just in case, since you know he’s especially avoiding her.

But anyways, the hallway just makes you feel vulnerable. Every now and then, you’ll hear a slight honk while you’re walking, and it makes you pick up to a sprint. You just wanna get off this fuckin rock already.

Alright, think. Who else is there left to bother? Rose and Kanaya are busy, and so are Dave and Terezi. So then…. Ugh. Karkat. Well, it beats being alone!

You start to speed walk towards the grumpy trolls room. Hehe. What a funny name you just now came up with, that he totally wouldn’t understand, because it’s a highly complex human media reference that trolls definitely do not have. You make note to tease him about that later.

Your shoes clank quietly on the floor as you walk at a slowly-fast(?) pace.

Wait.

Did you hear that?

…..

honk

Oh..

honk

Fuck.

honk

NO.

HELL FUCKING NO. BOOK IT, YOUR NAME.

You are now running, like a god damn marathon Olympian. Is marathon running even a thing in the Olympics? WHO CARES. WERE JUST RUNNING REALLY FAST, OKAY?

Finally, you see Karkats big metal door in sight. You know it’s his door because he carved his damn symbol on it super big.

Once you reach the door, you knock. Politely, of course. No point in him being pissed at you more than he probably already will be.

…

honk.

OH GOD DAMN IT OPEN THE DOOR.

You knock again, this time definitely not in a polite manner.

honk.

YOURE KNOCKING QUITE A LOT NOW. GEE ITD BE NICE IF AN ASSHOLE TROLL OPENED HIS DOOR FOR YOU RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

“KARKAT ITS ME CAN YOU OPEN THE DAMN DOOR” You yell, still knocking obnoxiously.

AND HALLELUJAH, IT OPENS! And with a very pissed off Karkat behind it, no less.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU-“ You cut him off immediately by pushing him inside with you.

“CLOSE THE DOOR!! CLOSE IT CLOSE IT!” You shout.

“OKAY OKAY FUCK IM CLOSING THE FUCKING DOOR!” And he complies.

The door shuts, and you don’t think you’ve ever felt so relieved. Besides maybe when you found out that Rose and John weren’t dead that one time you found their bodies on the Skaia Battlefield. Dang, that feels like forever ago.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?” Karkat yells, snapping you out of the thought you were just having.

“Oh. Sorry. It was like, a really long walk to your room. And you know I get paranoid being alone for too long.”

“YEAH I STILL DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL YOU’RE SO PARANOID ABOUT. GAMZEE HASN’T SHOWN HIS FACE TO YOU GUYS IN LIKE. ALMOST ONE OF YOUR HUMAN YEARS. I THINK.”

“Yeah, but you never know! I’ve made it a point to avoid him, so if I let my guard down, that’s when anything could happen!”

“THAT’S THE STUPIDEST FUCKING LOGIC IV’E EVER HEARD.”

“Yeah well, whatever. You just don’t get it.”

“WOW, OKAY. I’M GONNA IGNORE HOW TOTALLY IGNORANT AND UNTRUE THAT STATEMENT JUST WAS. JUST KIDDING! THAT WAS FUCKING IGNORANT AND UNTRUE. I KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE WHAT THE FUCK THAT’S LIKE.”

You don’t really say anything to this, you know he’s right. He had told you about how terrifying it was that day Gamzee went on a rampage. You cant even imagine… being around while he’s ACTIVELY rampaging. You shudder thinking about it.

“ANYWAYS, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE? DID ROSE AND KANAYA KICK YOU OUT SO THEY CAN SNOGGLE OR SOME SHIT?”

“No, I kinda just escorted myself out so they can do whatever. Snoggling could be something they’re doing right now, I dunno.” You walk further into his room and take a seat on the floor next to his computer.

“OKAY. THAT ONLY ANSWERED ONE OF MY QUESTIONS THOUGH.”

“Oh yeah. Well Dave and Terezi were busy too so I-“

“WHAT WERE THEY DOING?” He cuts you off. God he’s so easy to read.

You roll your eyes, an action which he can clearly see because you don’t wear sunglasses, and he’s not blind.

“They were drawing in the chalk-drawing-room, aka mayors-town-room.” you answer “and they seemed busy, so I didn’t wanna interrupt.”

“BUSY DOING WHAT?”

“Okay. Well. I just told you they were drawing. But I’m assuming you mean more specifically. So, honestly they were just having a moment when I walked in. I didn-“

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN A MOMENT???”

“Yknow, like, they seemed like they were getting all close and shit so I didn-“

“HOW CLOSE.”

This is getting comical. You kinda wanna tell him something obscene, just to see what he does. But you stay composed.

“I don’t know, Dave was helping her draw something up high, then they fell, he caught her, and then terezi was all licking his face so I was like ‘im out of here!’”

You can see him get a little red in the face, to your slight amusement.

“SHE LICKED HIM??? THEY DONT EVEN TRY TO HIDE IT ANYMORE”

“Haha neither do you!! Plus, she licks everything. I’m sure she was just trying to see something on his face or-”

“WHY WAS HE EVEN HELPING HER WHEN HE COULD JUST DO IT HIMSELF?! GOD THEY ARE JUST SO-“

Aaaand he’s ranting. And he totally ignored what you even said. You listen when he rants, but it’s hard to keep up sometimes. He just keeps at it for. so. long. And it’s usually just a lot of internalized rage for himself that he turns outwards. We know this.

“SO ANYWAYS,” you shout, cutting him off mid(?)-rant “like I was saying, I came here because I had nothing else to do. And I don’t want to be alone.”

“OH GEE THANKS. NICE TO KNOW I’M THE LAST RESORT. YOURE A REAL FUCKIN PAL.”

“Well excuse me, you don’t really like to make our interactions all that gleeful!! I always get a headache around you cus all you wanna do is rant about how obsessed you are with your ex-mate-whatever!!” You shout back. You weren’t really expecting that to come out, but there it is. “Everyone else is just way more inviting! Rose and Kanaya are always my go-tos. And then Dave.”

“WHAT ABOUT TEREZI?”

Youre surprised he didn’t have a comeback to what you just said before that. “Um, yeah, I dunno I guess she’s the next pick. I don’t think she likes me all that much, though.”

“WHAT? WHY WOULDNT SHE?”

Okay. Weirdly, you noted that that seemed like a compliment.

“I dunno! Maybe I smell bad.”

“YOU DONT FUCKING SMELL BAD.”

Noted, again.

“I know dumpass, I was kidding.”

“SHE’S PROBABLY JEALOUS SINCE YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME AROUND DAVE.”

“pssssh. I doubt that. She doesn’t seem like the type to get petty about that stuff, unlike a certain troll I may or may not know.”

“OKAY I DIDNT INVITE YOU INTO MY ROOM TO MAKE JABS AT ME OKAY? IM TRYING TO BE FUCKING CIVIL.”

“I mean, technically you didn’t really invite me at all.”

Why. Why did you say that.

“OOOOOOHHHH. OH SHIT. YOURE SO RIGHT. I DIDN’T, DID I? YOU INVITED YOURSELF, HUH? WOW WHAT A REVELATION. ITS ALMOST LIKE I DIDN’T WANT YOU HERE IN THE FIRST FUCKIN PLACE.”

Goddamnit.

“Whatever! Can we just talk about literally anything else! Or even just not talk at all!”

“SURE. WHATEVER.”

You glance around the room a bit. There’s not much in here, but he’s made it his own with a little decorating. Pretty much everyone has their own rooms, besides you. Embarrassingly enough you convinced Rose to share a room with you. You feel bad, but you try to give her as much space as she needs. She doesn’t really like to spend much time alone either anyways, you think. She’s like your sister at this point, and you’re glad she’s so kind to you.

“Hey, Karkat do you have anything I can read?”

“WHAT? NO. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I?”

“I dunno. I see you reading sometimes. Also there’s literally a book sitting right there on your couch.” You point towards the trollian novel (as seen in comic) that’s sitting on the not-so-comfy looking vintage couch. Where did he even get that?

Karkat quickly retrieves the book and walks over to a chest to stuff it inside.

“I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING FOR YOU TO READ.”

“Come onnnnnnn. I’m so bored. Reading an alien novel would literally be so much better than anything else I could possibly do on this rock right now.”

“EVEN IF I DID HAVE BOOKS, WHICH I FUCKING DONT. YOU WOULDN’T EVEN BE ABLE TO READ THEM, THEY’RE IN OUR WRITING.”

“Oh, Kanaya actually taught me how to read it!”

“WHAT?! SHE DID?”

“Well, I mean, I still kinda struggle with it. It’s kinda confusing. But yeah, I think I mostly got the hang of it. Kinda.”

“HUH.”

“Karkat please, spare me of my boredom. If you don’t have books then, is there literally anything else we could do?”

It’s silent for a moment, and he’s just kinda staring at you with that scowl he always has, crossing his arms.

“I… OKAY I DO HAVE BOOKS, BUT YOU WOULDN’T LIKE THEM.”

“What?! You don’t know that.”

“YES I DO. YOU WOULD DEFINITELY MAKE FUN OF ME FOR IT.”

“Oh, no I promise I will be so tame about it! I won’t criticize your literature- well I mean I probably will, but in a good way!”

“NO WAY. NOT HAPPENING.”

“Cmon, it’s not like you wrote the books! Just let me see!”

Karkat sits on the couch and pulls out his computer, probably intending on ignoring you now. You will not stand for this. You take it upon yourself to retrieve the treasure yourself.

You get up and dart for the chest to your right.

“HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING-” He quickly stands up to go after you.

But it’s too late! You’re getting that book! You’re opening the chest!

[You got: Erotic Trollian RomCom novel!]

Wait- what kind of novel?

You stare at the weirdly intimate and partially nude troll drawing on the cover. Huh.

But not for long before Karkat snatches it out of your hands. You forgot he was hot on your trail, kinda got mesmerized for a moment.

“DON’T GO FUCKING RUMMAGING THROUGH MY STUFF OR YOU CAN GET THE BIGGEST FUCKING ONE WAY TICKET OUT OF MY FUCKING ROOM.”

“Okay, okay! I just want a damn book to read!”

“I TOLD YOU!!! YOU WOULDNT LIKE ANY OF THE BOOKS I HAVE!”

“WHY NOT?!” Now you’re shouting. He always gets you like this.

“BECAUSE!”

“BECAUSE WHAT??”

“BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO.”

“THAT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE!!!”

“ITS BECAUSE THEYRE ALL FUCKING ROMCOMS! OKAY?? THEYRE ALL SAPPY ASS TROLLIAN ROMANTIC COMEDIES WITH ALL OUR FUCKIN ALIEN QUADRANTS AND SHIT.”

You stare at him for a moment. And he stares at you, he’s basically heavy breathing at this point.

You start to snicker, and then that turns into a laugh.

He blushes a little, but he turns away so you don’t see.

“SEE?? THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. YOU’RE JUST FUCKING JUDGING ME.”

“NO IM NOT!!” you shout back, still giggling a little.

“THEN WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!”

“I don’t know!! It’s just funny! I didn’t think you’d be into that type of writing! But hey, I like romcoms too!”

“YEAH RIGHT. FUCKING BULLSHIT.”

You stop laughing.

“What do you mean “yeah right”?? It’s true!”

“LIKE FUCK IM GONNA BELIEVE YOU. YOURE JUST TRYING TO CONVINCE ME SO ILL GIVE YOU A BOOK AND THEN YOU CAN RAG ON ME ABOUT HOW AWFUL MY TASTE IN WRITING IS OR SOMETHING.”

“Ugh!! You are IMPOSSIBLE sometimes!!! Actually, I take that back! All the time! How do you know anything about what the hell I’m going to do?!”

“IT’S OBVIOUS.”

“Is it though?! You don’t even know me Karkat!! We’ve probably spent all of like three whole hours together as long as we’ve been on this damn meteor!! And we’ve been here for forever!!! You don’t know anything about me!!!”

“I WATCHED ALL FIVE OF YOU HUMAN FAILURES GROW UP.”

“SO WHAT?! That means you know everything about me? That doesn’t mean JACK SHIT! It just means you’re creepy! Here I was thinking maybe I could try to find SOMETHING to bond over with you! But no! You wanna be a crabby little jealous shut-in who just self deprecates all the time!! It’s getting old! Who even cares if I did think the book was stupid! If you like it then it shouldn’t matter what other people think!!”

“…”

“Whatever! If you’re just gonna refuse to have even a remotely nice interaction with me, then I’ll just leave!! That’s what you wanted right? Well here I fucking go! Thanks for nothing!!”

And thus, YOUR rant was over. And you start to make your way towards the door. Truthfully, you don’t want to leave. Even if it meant arguing with him, it just occurred to you how much you really don’t wanna go back into that hallway. Please stop me. Please stop me. Please-

“WAIT.”

Phew.

You turn around, crossing your arms and giving him a good glare.

Oh man. As soon as you turn around you almost lose your demeanor because you realize he’s pouting. He looks.. kinda… dare you say-

“ALRIGHT. I’LL… I’LL LET YOU READ A BOOK, OKAY? IM SORRY.”

You immediately light up. “Yay!!” You say as you make your way back over to him.

He looks at you for a moment.

“DO YOU REALLY LIKE ROMCOMS TOO?”

“Yeah, of course! That was like probably my second favorite genre.”

“YEAH WELL… IT’S FULL OF TROLLIAN CULTURE AND QUADRANTS AND STUFF LIKE I SAID. SO YOU’LL BE CONFUSED.”

“Maybe.. but can’t I just ask you about it? I mean, I think your quadrant romance is kinda interesting.”

This kinda shuts him up for the time being. He’s probably flustered, but you don’t really think too much of it.

Suddenly he just walks away from you, further into the room.

“Hey! Where are you going?” You call to him.

But he doesn’t answer, so you decide to take a seat on the couch. Oh wow. This was actually more comfy than you thought. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, you guess.

And then he’s back. And he’s holding a book, but it’s a different one from before. And when you look from the book, up to his face, the two of you make eye contact for a moment.

“HERE. READ THIS ONE.”

Your eyes light up a little. You take the book out of his hands and he watches you fan through the pages. It’s a pretty thick novel.

As you read the description on the back, Karkat goes and takes a seat on the other side of the couch, picking up a book on the floor under it.

“So, is this one like your favorite novel, or did you just pick one at random?” You ask.

“THAT ONE… IS MY FAVORITE.”

“Damn, okay! Starting off with the best then. Are you sure you don’t wanna give me a shitty one so my expectations aren’t so high after my first read?”

“NO. THATD BE STUPID.”

“Haha yeah. I’m kinda worried now though, what if I don’t like it? If it’s your favorite-“

“DIDN’T YOU JUST GO OFF ON ME ABOUT HOW I SHOULDN’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK, DUMBASS?”

“Oh yeah, I did, didn’t I?” You facepalm yourself internally. How’d you forget that?

“BUT JUST.. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT WHEN YOURE DONE.”

“Really? You WANT to know what I think?”

“I MEAN YEAH. I NEVER REALLY HAD ANYONE ELSE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS STUFF. ALL MY FRIENDS WOULD GRILL THE FUCK OUT OF ME IF I TALKED ABOUT IT WITH THEM. I’VE NEVER REALLY… KNOWN ANYONE WHO ALSO LIKED ROMCOMS.”

“What about-“

“JOHN DOESNT COUNT. HE HAS SHIT TASTE.”

You giggle at this, and really take in what he said about not having anyone to indulge in this stuff. It’s kinda sad. From what you know, troll culture seemed pretty lonely when quadrants weren’t involved.

“Alright then. Lets talk about the book as I go! It’ll probably take me a while to read though, im a little slow with your language.”

“OKAY. SURE.”

And then the two of you are reading, on opposite sides of the couch. Five feet apart cus you’re not gay. What a stupid fucking reference. Id stop writing right now if I could bring myself to. But I must continue.

Seriously though, it’s pretty peaceful. For the first time ever since meeting Karkat, being in his presence was actually helping you to relax. Everytime you finished two chapters you would stop and discuss it with him a little. You both had the same thoughts for the most part, so it was really chill.

After about 12 chapters, you figured you needed a break. You closed the book and took a big stretch with your arms. Karkat looked up from his own book to watch you curiously. Totally not in a creepy way or anything.

“Well. I think that’s enough for now” you say, satisfied.

“REALLY? YOURE NOT GOING TO READ IT ALL RIGHT NOW?”

You would almost think that was sarcasm, if he didn’t have such a seriously confused look on his face.

“I mean.. no. I don’t really read whole books in one day. Do you?”

“YES.”

“Oh wow. You’re committed then.”

It’s a silent for a moment. Kinda in a awkward way. Kinda.

“So, didn’t you say before that you had more than one copies of this book?” You asked.

“YEAH. WHY?”

“When was the last time you read it?”

“UHHH. I MEAN I GUESS ITS BEEN A WHILE NOW, I USED TO REREAD IT REALLY OFTEN SO I PRETTY MUCH HAVE THE WHOLE THING MEMORIZED. BUT ITS BEEN A PRETTY LONG TIME SINCE I READ IT LAST.”

“Thennn… would you wanna read it together?”

“WHAT? WHY?”

“Because! Then we could experience it at the same time and talk about it together!”

“THATS WHAT WE’VE BEEN DOING.”

“Yeah but it’s not the same because you’re reading something else! You’d be more invested if we were both reading it”

“I JUST TOLD YOU I PRETTY MUCH MEMORIZED THE WHOLE THING.”

“I know I know. I just thought it’d be fun.”

You frown a little, disappointed. Theres another silence.

“ALRIGHT. FINE.”

You immediately light up again.

“WHY DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS WITH ME SO BAD?”

You pause for a moment. Why DO you want to do this so bad?

“I don’t know! It just seems more fun than reading it alone. It’ll be like our own book club!”

“WHAT’S A BOOK CLUB?”

“Uhhh it’s pretty much what we’re doing right now. A group of people get together, read a book separately, and then discuss it with each other every few chapters or something like that.”

“THAT SOUNDS STUPID AS FUCK.”

“Haha yeah.”

“DID YOU HAVE A BOOK CLUB?”

“Oh no, that shits boring. It’s only fun in this context because im reading an alien book with an alien who’s actually interesting.”

Oops. Did you just compliment him?

Karkat: Compliment noted.

“OH. OKAY.”

The air is actually weirdly awkward now. Karkat doesn’t seem nearly as mean or angry as he usually is. You had a theory that was actually a big softie under the exterior, but you’re still kinda surprised he can be so tame.

For the next several hours the two of you read the novel separately, discussing every now and then about it. Once you finished the book, in one day, you had a pretty heated discussion about the ending.

Then, when you decided you were pretty tired, he walked you over to you/roses room. Rose was already asleep, so you had no problem parting from him and getting to sleep as well.

END OF DAY 1.

#homestuck #karkat x reader #karkat vantas #homestuck fanfic #fanfiction #x reader #homestuck x reader #karkat vantas x reader #dave x reader #dave strider #dave strider x reader #karkat x dave x reader #terezi pyrope #rose lalonde #kanaya maryam #homestuck karkat

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messedupfan · 2 years

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Should've Told You (Leigh Shaw x Reader) Chapter 12

Summary: Someone knows about Reader and Leigh. Someone else is suspicious of them. Meanwhile things are a little rocky between them.

A/N: Y'all I just found out that Elizabeth actually has a friend named Jade. I legit used a random name generator. Comment what I should change the name to. Also, how are you doing today?

Masterlist | Taglist | All Chapters

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Doing research and prep work for the movie you’ll have to travel for in January quickly became your top priority. It's set to be filming in a few locations outside of the US and a couple locations in the states, not in California, which meant you were going to be gone for several months. There was a chance that it was going to take longer than predicted which brought on some concern. You were a little worried about your relationship with Leigh but you were also excited to have a little bit of time to yourself and away from it all. Besides, if Leigh really had a problem with it you’re sure that she could join you. There was a small part of you secretly hoping that she wouldn’t want to. She needed the time apart more than you did.

After some convincing, Jules returns home to help decorate for Christmas. It was Leigh who convinced her to come home so you kept an eye on the two just in case an argument broke out. Luckily, the sisters seemed to be getting along just fine as they hung the ornaments on the tree. That was until Jules mentioned a dream that she had about Matt as they worked. She thought it might cheer her sister up a bit especially since the only thing Leigh wrote on her 2018 ornament was that Matt died.

It, of course, did the opposite and made Leigh realize that she hasn’t dreamt about her husband in a long time and that panic about losing him comes back. It always snuck up on her at the worst times. What made it worse was Jules’ description of it feeling so real that she thought she could touch him. Leigh wanted to have that. She wanted to be able to touch him in a dream. She wanted to be able to hear his laugh again, really hear his laugh. Not from an old video but right next to her. “Y/n, do you dream about Matt?” She asks, hoping that she wasn't the only one.

“Sometimes,” you shrug as you work on untangling lights. “Don’t you?”

“What are they about?” She ignores your question.

“Um, they're never good. I haven't had one in a while. But they're usually about me trying to catch him before he falls. I never do and it sucks. Why do you ask?” You finally look away from the bundle of lights and see it all over Leigh’s face that she was about to be headed down another rabbit hole of saving her connection to Matt. You just wish it would get easier to fight the negative and insecure feelings that you have every time she does this. Am I not enough for you? You take a tight breath and bite the inside of your lip to rid yourself of the thought. That wasn't fair to question. Leigh wouldn't have married him if she didn't truly love him. She can tell you that she didn't love him and just settled for him but at the end of the day it's just words to make you feel better. It wasn't fair of you to expect that of her.

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” she walks away and her phone pings with a notification. You notice a little secretive smile when she opens it which makes you frown. That was the secretive smile she used whenever you sent her a saucy or cheesy romantic message. You quickly check your phone to see if you had sent one but the last message on your conversation was sent from her. That's where a flag popped up. The last text conversation the two of you had was a week ago and it was:

Hey, what's up?

L: Busy.

Nothing worth a secret smile. You swallowed the familiar worry. You weren't going to jump to conclusions. There was no reason to, you had to be making it up in your head. Leigh would never do something like that to you. She loved you. Loves. She loves you. Sure, she hasn’t told you about reaching out to Danny yet, he did that, but that didn’t mean you needed to worry. You return your phone to your pocket and choose to believe the best in your girlfriend. There wasn't a reason to believe otherwise. Trust is important in a relationship, without it there is no reason to keep it going. Something you learned the hard way. Amy greeted you as she passed but you were too wrapped up in your head to notice that she did. "Hey, are you okay?" Jules walks over to you with concern.

"Yep, why wouldn't I be?" You pick up the lights to continue untangling them. How the hell did they get so tangled?

"No reason, you just looked a little… off. Was it the Matt dream thing? Or is it that you don't dream about your brother?"

"It's not that, I am plenty haunted by both of them. And I’ve dealt with nightmares my whole life, none of that bothers me at this point."

"But it is something," Jules pushes.

You look up from the lights, "What's with the twenty questions Julie Bear?"

"Have you ever thought about, I don't know, maybe dating my sister?" Jules plays with an ornament in her hands as she speaks. You feel your blood cool as your heart and stomach greet each other.

"Uh w-why…? W-What are you talking about? She's my friend. She's my best friend. Why would you ask that?"

"I don't know, I was just chatting with Becca while she was waiting for her class a few days ago and she was asking if you and Leigh ever dated or whatever. Of course I said no but then she got me thinking. The two of you get mistaken for a couple a lot, like an annoying amount. Not to mention the both of you are insanely close. I don't know anybody as close as you two. So I've been curious, have you ever thought about her in that way? You can tell me, I won't say anything."

You aren't sure how to answer that question and you open your mouth to come up with a lie when your phone rings. "One sec," you don't look to see the caller ID, you're just happy for the save. "Hello, how may I help you?" You answer in a professional tone.

"Don't answer her. Make something up and go to my room." Leigh speaks in a hushed tone.

"Yes, ma'am. I am available," you extend the phone away from your mouth. "I'm sorry Jules, I have to take this." You escort yourself away from her and make your way up the stairs. When you walk into Leigh's room you're disappointed to find it empty. Other than the mess of makeup products on the front of her bed. "What now?"

"Take off your clothes."

"Really, Leigh?" You say unimpressed by the request. If things weren’t so weird between the two of you, then maybe you would be in the mood for this sort of thing. Besides, it was far too risky with both her mom and sister being home.

"Lighten up, babe. I'm only joking."

"Okay, ha-ha that was funny," you sarcastically reply but smile simply from her using the pet name for you. You start to put the makeup in the box it must've arrived in when you notice an oddly shaped pink object on her bed and pick it up to look at it closer. There’s a switch and it buzzes to life softly. You smirk thinking about what it’s for not knowing that it was a beauty tool. "Seriously though, what do you want me to do?" You turn off the device and toss it in the box.

"I don’t know, sit on the bed and wait for me." You sit down against the headboard, after setting the box down next to the bed as she hangs up. You keep your phone on your face just in case Jules passes by the room and even fake a business conversation. "You really do go all out for any act don't you?" Leigh says as she enters the room, closing and locking the door behind her.

"Why did you lock that?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Leigh, your mom and sister are downstairs!" You warn in a whisper.

"Yes, they are." She climbs on and straddles your lap. "Which means that you are going to have to behave yourself." Leigh cracks another joke but you couldn't tell if she meant it or not. "Don't worry, I'm not trying to screw you right now. I just wanted… I don't know. We haven't really been us? Right?" You confirm that you've noticed it too. "Okay good, it's not just me."

"It's not just you. I think we've been hasty because we think it'll make up for lost time but I don’t think it’s working." It sometimes bothers you about how easily you switched from wanting to wait a year before being in a relationship with her to sleeping with her every chance you got. Plus it was starting to feel like the two of you were trying to prove something but all it was doing was distracting you from the problems you needed to work through. Which wasn't a good thing in the long run and could end badly if you weren’t careful. "And this year has me all fucked up in the head and I haven't figured myself out. I'm not entirely clear on who I am now. There's a lot I don't understand about myself anymore."

"Yeah, I don't necessarily like who I've been becoming. When I look in the mirror I don't even recognize myself. Especially not after what I said to Jules in order to get her here." Or what I said to Danny to get him to stay in touch with me. And the fact that I still can't bring myself to talk about it with you. "It’s as if I’m constantly watching this person that looks like me but isn’t me and I can’t stop her from acting the way she does. I feel like the only thing about me that I do recognize is how I feel about you." She looks down at her fingers and in a moment of insecurity asks, "Do you think this new you will still love me?"

Your lips curl up and you take her hands in yours. "Lollipop, every version of me is madly in love with every version of you. That, my love, you will never have to worry about."

"But…"

"How did you know there was a but?"

"I could sense it," she shrugs. "Come on, get it over with. I can handle it."

"Alright, alright. It’s always best to rip off the band-aid, right?” She nods. “I think we need a break from each other. Some time to spend apart to get to know ourselves as individuals and then we can come back and find out how we fit with each other."

"In other words, you don't want me to follow you around the world as you work."

"What would you do anyway? You would go site-seeing for the first week and then get bored long before we move to the next location."

"I wasn't even thinking about joining you before but now you just make it sound so inviting." She moves off of your lap and stands by the bed.

"C'mon. I didn't mean it like that." You swing your legs over the side of the bed so that you're still facing her. "I'm just trying to be realistic about this. In theory, yes, being able to come home to you every night would be amazing. But then that begs the question, what would you be doing all day other than making yourself go crazy? I know I wouldn't want to be cooped up in a small apartment all day. I'd lose it and I'm sure you would too. At that point it's no different than having a dog."

"Oh, so I'm a dog now?"

"Damn, that made more sense in my head."

"You want to know what I think?" Leigh starts. "I think you need to stop living inside your head and fucking live out here for once. Just because something plays out ten different ways inside your head does not mean that any of those outcomes would happen in real life. I'm tired of you and your damn head making decisions on my behalf all of the time."

"Wow okay, then. You want to know what's been going on in my head? Fine. Who have you been texting?" Your defensive response doesn’t surprise you. The recent lack of sleep, paired with all of the thoughts you were letting run on the loose, and the pills you’ve been taking that were supposed to be helping but were only making you worse all led to a very short fuse. It was not something you liked much less had control over. Something you were still working out with your therapist and psychiatrist. However, it does surprise Leigh.

"What?" She asks in an offended tone which almost makes you regret asking. But you continue on.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Okay? I've seen you for the past two weeks walking around secretly texting someone. So who is it? Huh?" You rise from the bed.

"Think about what you're asking."

"I know exactly what I'm asking."

She scoffs and runs her fingers through her hair. "You really think I would do that to you? Really?"

"I don't want to believe that you would. But when I have to find out from Danny something I should've found out from you, yeah, my mind goes there."

"Oh, so you knew and you thought you would what? Trap me into telling you? What the fuck is that about?"

You pause. Why didn't you just ask her about it when you found out? That was something you would have done right away in the past so why not now? "I don't know," you let the words fade. "Shit, I don't know." You fall back onto the bed with your hands on your knees. This wasn't the kind of behavior you wanted to have with Leigh. That's what leads to the wrong kind of relationship and you knew better. You make eye contact with her and are once again reminded of everything that you have been through together. She has sat with you through a number of failed relationships that ended because you had been cheated on. Not to mention that she also has been cheated on. She knew what kind of damage that does, there's no way she would cheat on you. Leigh loves you. She has said it herself before, she only wants you. "Why didn't you feel like you could tell me in the first place?"

Leigh crossed her arms over her chest as she took a moment to come up with an explanation for something she didn't quite understand herself. "I don't know, things have been off. I thought you might not like the fact that I reached out to him. I was worried you might think I have feelings for him or something."

"Do you?"

"Of course not!"

"Okay then. It's not a big deal,” you cut off the running thoughts that maybe she wasn’t being completely honest. She can talk to whoever she wants to without you assuming she was being unfaithful. Besides, it wasn’t as if you owned her. If anything, she owned you. “I think we need to make some adjustments on our communication skills. How is it that after all of these years we've been so bad at it lately?"

Leigh joins you on the bed with a thoughtful expression. "I honestly have no clue. You'd think we wouldn't want to keep any more secrets from each other now that we've finally… y'know. But it's like an old habit that doesn't want to die." She lifts your hand that has a healing scab across the palm. "Why haven't you told me the truth about this?"

"Because it's stupid," you frown as you remember tripping down the trail and the split moment that you thought you were going to die. If there was ever a time to believe in a vengeful spirit it was then. "I went on a hike and fell."

"Seriously, I won't be mad if you tell me what really happened." You're not surprised that she didn't believe you. She has invited you plenty of times to do the activity with her and you would come up with some sort of excuse not to. That was until you came clean about not caring for it. You show her no sign of joking and she furrows her brows. "Why would you go alone? Something worse could have happened to you! What were you thinking?"

You shrug, "I wasn't thinking. I was pissed at Matt and I wanted to scream at him which, of course, I can't so I went on a hike and yelled at the sky instead. Trust me, I've learned my lesson. I won't go back unless you're there by my side. I promise," you hold out the pinkie from your good hand and Leigh fights a smile as she locks hers around it. The action still felt childish even though she took it seriously.

"How did Danny tell you? I thought you two weren’t on speaking terms,” Leigh asks as she continues to trace the healing wound. It tickled a little, which made the area itch, but you liked the softness of her touch so you sat through the discomfort. You watched her finger as you spoke.

“We’re not but you pissed him off so he came over to my house to bitch about you. Went on and on about you sending a million messages every day and then shouting at him in a club,” you shift your gaze from your hand.

Leigh purses her lips in a guilty manner. “In my defense, I was only shouting because the music was insanely loud, I couldn’t even hear myself think.”

“I figured, but he was still pretty upset.” You scoff thinking about the argument that you had with him. “Then I pissed him off because I took your side and defended you when he started calling you names. Nothing nasty just playground shit,” you clarify so that it doesn’t make him sound bad. “I don’t know why he gets surprised by that. It’s not like I ever lied to him and told him that if he makes me choose between you and him that I was going to choose him.”

“Matt always took his side. Maybe he’s just looking for that in you,” Leigh reasons with a frown. You mirror the expression as you think about her words. Could that be why he gets as upset as he does when you take her side? But why would he want you, of all people, to be in his corner? You suppose that the only way to find out is to ask him but it’s not like he would tell you anyway. Besides, how would one ask that kind of question in the first place?

“Maybe. Who knows?”

The aggressive jostle of the door knob startles the two of you to jump apart and Amy knocks but is a little worried about what she might’ve interrupted. It wasn’t like Leigh to lock her door. You hold your chest a little shaken from the disruption and Leigh gets up from the bed to open the door. “Hey, Jules just left for her class. I thought I’d help you with the eyeliner issue you had earlier. I’m not interrupting anything am I?” says Amy as she pokes her head in.

“No, mom. We were just talking,” Leigh answers and opens the door wider.

“Oh, why was the door locked?”

You and Leigh look at each other as if a reasonable explanation would be written on the other's forehead. “I’m curious to know what you think we were doing otherwise, Mrs. Shaw.” You cross your arms over your chest with an accusing tone.

“Yeah, mom. Why do you think I locked the door?”

Amy bounces her eyes between you and her daughter and sighs, “Nevermind, forget I asked. Do you want my help or not?” She asks tiredly. Leigh confirms that she wants her mom’s help and she lifts the box back onto her bed. She smirks and tosses the pink buzzing object at you. At first you catch it then you drop it on the bed shrinking away from it and act grossed out because of what you thought it was. Leigh covers her mouth with her hand as she laughs.

“Yeah, I thought it was a vibrator at first too,” Leigh says.

“It’s not?” You pick it back up. “What the hell is it then?”

“Some sort of cleansing tool. I don’t know how it works but it was included in the box,” she shrugs and hands Amy the eyeliner. “How is it that you know how to do this and I don’t?”

“Because you never had a soul crushing corporate job.” Amy takes the product and positions her daughter. “And you’ve never shown much interest in makeup before.”

“I can’t imagine you ever working for a corporation,” you say conversationally.

Amy scoffs, “Neither can I but I did it for a lot of years. I forgot that you didn’t start coming around until after I freed myself and opened Beautiful Beast. I think I had just opened it too. Wow, I can’t believe it's been fifteen years.”

“Neither can I,” you still don’t know how time keeps passing. It just keeps going without a care. In May and June you had no idea that the world could keep spinning but it does. You jump out of your head before it takes you down again. “That reminds me, has the owner of the building accepted your offer yet? If not I’m sure we can get a couple of investors. I know that you didn’t want to go that route but I know a lot of people that are always looking to just dump money on a good business and won’t bother you.”

“That guy she hired is just gunning for as much money as possible. I think he’s just trying to get a big cut out of it because it’s not nearly worth as much as he keeps looking for. Hold still, Leigh.”

“Well, if it's not worth it, we can start looking for a better building. I know a great real estate agent. I’m sure she can help us out.”

“Wait, wasn’t your last ex a real estate agent?” Leigh asks.

“That would be the one I was talking about.”

“Oh, I remember her. She made a similar offer a couple of years ago, back when you two were together. She was a good one. It was a shock when you two broke up. I thought she was perfect for you. So did your mom, oh boy was she upset. She really thought she was finally going to get to plan a wedding. What ever happened between the two of you?” asks Amy.

You smile and lick your lips as you nervously laugh. What happened was she didn’t like the way you felt towards Leigh. You kept telling her that there was nothing to worry about which wasn’t a lie. Leigh was a newlywed and you had let her go. At least you thought you had. The breakup wasn’t nasty and the two of you were still friendly. Things between the two of you might’ve lasted if you hadn’t brought her as your date to Leigh’s wedding. Amber was possibly the only person there that noticed the way you had been looking at the bride. She knew that you weren’t going to ruin a marriage for your own selfish happiness. But she wasn’t okay with you remaining friends with the person you would always love more than her. She wasn’t okay being second to Leigh. You understood but it sucked because you hoped she would be the one to prove you had moved on. She was the last person you seriously dated before a long string of meaningless hookups and one night stands. “That remains a mystery to this day, Amy. But don’t worry, she’s very professional and happy. She told me that she was seeing someone the last time we talked.”

“Oh? You’ve kept in touch with her?” Leigh says as she admires her mothers work. However, you could hear the underlying jealousy. It was confusing because Leigh wasn’t the type to be upset by something like this. But she did just admit that she doesn’t recognize herself.

“Uh, yeah. We don’t talk often though. I think the last time we spoke was months ago when everything was crazy. She just called to check in on me.”

“And she rubbed her happiness in your face? Doesn’t sound very professional to me.”

“No, I asked her how she was and she was reluctant to tell me about how good things were going for her.” You answer and give Leigh a look that asks if she’s okay but she just shrugs. Amy watches the two of you as she senses the energy of the room. She has always wondered if anything would happen between the two of you but now she thinks something might really be going on. “Anyway, what do you say Amy? I could go give Amber a call right now if you would like. Or I could call the deep pockets. It's up to you.”

Amy looks at her daughter before she tells you to call the investors. She didn’t want them because often investors can be controlling and ruin a good establishment. But if something was going on between you and Leigh she wasn’t going to mess that up by having you call a person that was clearly upsetting her daughter. You leave the room to make the necessary phone calls. Leigh asks her mom the trick with getting her eyes even and then asks her about how to see Matt in her dreams. Of course Amy knew of the methods that didn’t require anything but the mind, they just took years to master and it was clear that’s not what Leigh was looking for. Amy asks her if she would be able to handle trying something that would work instantly and Leigh agrees to it. Anything to see Matt again.

She wanted to confirm her suspicions but Amy knew there was no way Leigh would be upfront about something like that. Instead, she showed Leigh a few more makeup tricks. No one felt like putting up anymore decorations without Jules and instead went about their evening. Amy makes a call to an old friend and Leigh busy’s herself with research to find a good angle on the makeup review she has to do. You leave, claiming to go meet with a few people to get them interested in Beautiful Beast to make it into the women's wellness center that Amy wanted it to be.

While she’s down a rabbit hole of what makeup used to mean in the beginning of its creation, her mom calls her down. She hears laughter and the sound of a man's voice while slowly approaching the sitting room trying to decide if she wants to be there or not. She politely greets Neil and Amy tells her that he brought her a Christmas present. “I like Christmas presents.”

Meanwhile, you are sitting against the hood of your car outside of the building that currently holds Beautiful Beast and a few empty spaces, waiting for Amber to show up. You thought maybe you should get her opinion on the property before you got more people involved. Especially since Amy didn’t think it was worth as much as the guy was asking for. With that information you thought maybe looking elsewhere would be a better option. But you had to be sure.

“Hey there, stranger,” Amber taps your shoulder to draw your attention away from your phone.

“Amber! Hi, it’s been awhile,” you say while pulling her into a friendly hug. “You look good. Have you been good?” You step back from her and stuff your hands into your pockets.

“I’ve been pretty good, can’t complain.” She moves some of her hair behind her ear to show off the ring on her finger.

“Wow, how long have you been together again?” You admire the ring. It was a nice simple ring, a clean white gold band with a tiffany-style round cut. Something perfect for her, she wasn’t one for flashy possessions. That was one of the things about her that reminded you of Leigh.

“We dated for three months and have been engaged for six. Our wedding is soon. We've been talking about getting married since we met, it was the easiest decision when they actually asked me. We’re the cheesy ‘when you know, you know’ couple. We wanted to elope but you know how my parents are, they wanted the whole traditional circus show. My fiance has been wonderful throughout the entire planning process, much better than I have. I swear, my mother would replace me with them if she could. I don’t blame her of course. They are so amazing.” Her eyes brighten as she thinks about her partner and you feel happy that she has that. You’re grateful that she was smart enough to not settle for you because there was no way you would be able to make her as happy as her fiance is. “I am so sorry, I cannot believe that I’ve turned into a ‘we’ person. Enough about me, how are you doing?”

“It’s fine, be happy, hold on to that feeling. Now you know why the ‘we’ people don’t care when the rest of us miserable zombies make fun of them.” She thanks you. “I’m getting better, everyday presents a new challenge but it feels like it’s always been that way. That’s just life, y’know?” You answer vaguely but she looks at you like she is waiting for you to tell her some big news. “What?”

She deflates in disappointment and scoffs at you. “Are you serious? I follow those accounts that post updates about you. Did you and Leigh finally get together? Are you guys happy?”

You hang your head and laugh as you shake it. You collect yourself before you answer her. “Those are just rumors. We’ve just been leaning on each other. Y’know? We take care of one another. It’s been a tough year.” If there was going to be a person you told about the relationship, it definitely could not be Amber. Not with the way Leigh was acting earlier. “Come on, let me show you around. We don’t have a lot of time before I have to head back. Leigh thinks I’m at a dinner trying to get people to be silent partners.”

“Keeping me a secret from her, huh? That doesn’t sound like a rumor to me,” Amber teases. You give her an unamused look and lead her inside. “Okay, okay. You’re single and ready to mingle. I’ll let it go.” She holds her hands up in surrender and you thank her. “Just one last thing. I’m happy for you.” You shake your head at the implication but noticeably struggle at suppressing a smile. She refrains from making a comment.

“What do you think?” You ask after ending the tour.

“It’s solid real estate. How much are they asking for it?” You tell her the current price and she makes a face. “Here’s what we’re going to do.” She opens her binder and starts writing out a game plan. You hug her goodbye and congratulate her again on her upcoming nuptials.

“What were you doing showing Amber around here?”

You jump and turn around holding your chest. “Damnit Jules! You scared me.” She apologizes as she covers her mouth and laughs. You return a sarcastic laugh then she repeats her question. “She’s helping me help your mom buy the building. But listen, you can’t tell your mom or Leigh about this okay?”

Jules wears a shocked expression, “Woah. You want me to keep a secret from Leigh? What did I do for this honor?”

“Hardy har har. Your mom didn’t want me to call Amber for help and Leigh was being weird when I brought her up–”

“That’s not surprising, she hated Amber when you were with her. There was a drinking game. Everytime Leigh made a face when you brought up or brought Amber around, we’d take a drink. Two if she made a passive aggressive comment. I got pretty wasted a few times because of it.” Jules cuts you off. This was news to you, there wasn’t a single moment that you could remember when Leigh was rude towards Amber. But you can recall a lot of arguments because of Amber claiming that Leigh was acting a certain way towards her. You thought she was making it up but evidently, you just weren’t paying attention.

“Huh, suddenly a lot of things make sense. Anyway, please just keep this between us?” You plead with Jules because you didn’t want it to become a big thing. You weren’t going to keep it a secret for long, you just needed to be the one to tell her.

Jules nods and you are about to thank her when an evil smirk grows on her face. “On one condition,” you deflate as you ask her what it is. “All you have to do is answer one question.” You figure that it’s the one she was asking you earlier and figured that there was no harm in telling her the truth. You were going to have to tell people eventually so you agreed to her terms. “Have you always been in love with my sister?” Your eyebrows raise not having expected or prepared for that question. Why was this so much harder to answer? Wasn’t the plan to at some point tell people about you and Leigh and the whole romantic story? It hits you that you haven’t considered it before. Your eyes begin to water and you’re not sure why.

You clear your throat and shove your hands into your pockets. “You’re evil, you know that.” Thankfully, your mental crisis is hidden in the shadows. The parking lot was poorly lit due to the amount of lights that needed a replacement. “Yes, I have always been in love with Leigh. Quite honestly, I don’t know how I’ve gone so long without anyone noticing. Especially Leigh.”

“To be fair, I was never sober enough to notice and Leigh was too busy crushing on you to believe that you would feel the same way.” This sparks your interest. She told Jules?

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Shit, ever since I’ve been sober it’s like I can’t keep my mouth shut about anything anymore.” Jules shakes her head at herself and fidgets with her nails and keys. “I don’t think she still feels that way about you so I don’t want to get your hopes up or anything. But way way back in the day, Leigh had a crush on you. She told me during the one time we smoked weed together. You were dating Jade at the time and I think you told Leigh about getting high with her so she came to me to see what it was all about.” She looks down at the keys as she considers not finishing the story but she needs to help her sister find happiness again. “Once it hit her she started describing everything that she liked about you and then was weeping about how you’ll never feel the same. Turns out if everyone had just communicated and paid better attention to each other we might’ve been able to avoid this year.”

“Oh come on, you wish that you never had Matt in your life?”

“Well, no, I guess I don’t.” She goes quiet again. “Then again, if it meant that the two of you were happy,” she trails and looks at you, but you think of another reason she has to be grateful that life went the way it did.

“If we were happy, do you think you would’ve stopped drinking?”

She squints her eyes at you, “Okay, I see your point.” You can tell that she has something more to say so you give her the opportunity to do so. “Now that you know how she felt once upon a time… Do you think you might do something with that?”

“No, I don’t think I will. Goodnight, Julie Bear.” You walk away and notice that you have a few voice messages from Leight.

“She got me drugs. My mom got me drugs and she helped me smoke them from a crack pipe. It was so weird and the irony was almost too much to handle. But I saw him and it was so real and I couldn’t touch him because the door wouldn’t open and then it was over so fast. Can you come back?”

“Why is your phone going straight to voicemail? And why do you still have that stupid trick answer thingy? I thought you got rid of that when you, I don’t know, became an adult. Anyway, call me back or just come over. You better be alive.”

“I swear if I have to hear you say Hi and then laugh one more time, I’m going to… Well, I don’t know what to threaten you with. I can’t kill you because then you’d be dead and I don’t want that. I would strangle you but something tells me that you’d be into it. Damn… Oh! If you don’t answer my next call, I swear I’m withholding sex for another week.”

Just as the last message ends your phone starts vibrating against your cheek. “Hi,” you hold your breath to keep from breaking.

“Motherfucker, that’s it! I can’t do this anymore,” she sounds so tired. “Wait, where’s the laugh. Hello? Hello? Are you trying to pull a prank on me?”

“Shit, I forgot that the laugh is part of it. I was really trying so hard not to.”

“I’m really starting to question just how much I actually love you.”

“Well I’m on my way, so you better figure out the answer soon.”

“That’s not enough time! It took me fifteen years to figure it out the first time around!” You laugh and are happy to hear that she is in such a good mood. You hear Amy in the background asking what took fifteen years to figure out and Leigh tells you to hold on. “Nothing, don’t worry about it… Yes, exactly that, mom. Drugs, I like drugs now. After fifteen long years of mulling it over I’ve decided that I’m all for it. Do you have more? What do you mean no? I saw how much you bought and how much you gave me. The rest of my christmas gift isn’t for me? Then who is it for? Jules definitely can’t have it. Oh, it’s for you! It’s not for you. Why did you buy so much of it then? Oh, it’s for Y/n? They’re on the phone. Do you want to offer it now or when they come back? Yes, they’re coming back. Mom, it’s not weird that we sleep together... sleep with each… share a bed! It’s not weird that we share a bed every night.”

“Should I hang up?” You laugh at the unintentional radio show that you’re getting from Leigh and Amy. She tells you no but proceeds to hold a conversation with her mom instead. Throughout the entire drive you listen to her and Amy bounce from one topic to the next.

“Wow, you’re still on the phone.”

“You said I couldn’t hang up,” you say in a high pitched fake defensive tone.

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you would have listened.”

“Oh please, Leigh. You’ve had Y/n whipped since the day you two met,” Amy chimes in.

“Mom!” Leigh says in surprise and your jaw drops.

“What? It’s true!” You hear Amy say through Leigh’s laughter before the call ends. When you get there, Amy does offer you the DMT but you didn’t feel like you were in the right headspace for it and admitted to being on medication. Leigh bit her tongue on the subject, she has never believed in those pills doing anyone any kind of good. With the exception of certain types of people. However, with the types of depression you and Matt have suffered from, she believes that those pills only make the problems worse. She remembers seeing only the slightest of positive changes in Matt’s mood every time he was on those things. But he was still depressed and moody and almost never wanted to be with her. She knew that you only gave them a chance when it felt like it was going to help you regain the control over yourself that you thought you had lost. Leigh just had to wait for you to notice that it was only making you more out of control.

Everyone goes to bed shortly after you reject the offer and Leigh is happy to curl herself against you for the first time in weeks. She whispers that she loves you and kisses your cheek. You grab the hand she hit you with months ago and kiss her palm. There was a night that she admitted that she still hadn’t forgiven herself for it so now you kiss her hand every night to remind her that you forgive her.

You oversleep the next day and don’t leave the bed until noon. It takes you a while to find her because she decided to do her work on the back porch, you weren’t even checking there. You had already given up and made yourself a cup of tea and felt like enjoying it out there. She moved her notes off of the seat next to her and patted it, you sat down and asked her why she didn’t wake you earlier. “I tried but you were out and you looked so at peace. I didn’t want to disrupt that.” Leigh takes your hand and holds it while the two of you sit in silence and stay out there for a few hours simply enjoying each other's company. While she worked on her article, you sipped your tea and gazed out into the backyard as you daydreamed. It was a calm day. Then Jules texted to let everyone know that she was coming over in an hour to help finish the family traditions.

Leigh didn’t admit it but she was excited to do the gingerbread house with her sister. It was something they did as a family every year and it was the only time she was willing to admit that her younger sister was better at than her. But one hour turned into two and then three and when Jules finally did walk through she got pretty upset. You were assisting Amy with attaching the light bulbs to the string of lights when Leigh started to pick a fight with Jules by acting like her sister was being rude and accusing her of being passive aggressive. Jules was trying to be civil and sat beside you to help with the lights but Leigh was still giving her attitude and decided to mention her amazing experience with Matt. Which of course confused her sister and Amy only offered a vague explanation that made Jules feel alienated from her family.

She gets up and goes to the kitchen to grab her things so she can leave and you and Amy follow her. You try to tell her to stay but Leigh says that she should just go. You scold her but she is unapologetic, a major shift from the soft woman that she was only hours ago. Amy continues to try and convince her daughter to stay home but Jules doesn't feel comfortable returning when she doesn’t feel welcomed or part of the family. Then she makes the mistake of pointing out that it was her first Christmas without Matt before pointing out that it was her first Christmas sober. Which if she had only pointed out the latter, the night might have gone differently. Instead she receives a sarcastic reply from Leigh that she fires back by calling her a bitch. The argument between them continues with you and Amy standing on the sidelines uselessly calling out their names to get them to stop.

“At least I am not a total sociopath who’s lying through her teeth!” Jules fires back. You finally walk over to try and defuse the situation but Jules is fired up and not backing down. She turns to you and points an accusing finger at her sister. “No, Y/n! Don’t try to defend her! She can’t shut up about her dead husband, meanwhile she’s having sex with someone on the sly!” You gulp but turn to Leigh acting as if this is news to you.

“What is she talking about?”

Behind you Amy is just as shocked and a little disappointed, “What?”

“Yeah,” Jules faces Leigh, who is stunned silent. “I heard you having sex with someone the other day when you probably thought no one was home. ” Your eyes widened slightly but not enough for anyone to catch on. Well shit.

“What were you doing spying on me?” Leigh asks calmly and avoids looking in your direction.

“I wasn’t! I live here too. What idiot sneaks around in a house where other people live? I forgot something so I came home to grab it and when I walked in the house you were louder than a fire alarm! I’m surprised I couldn’t hear you all the way from the studio!” I’m surprised you didn’t do better detective work and spot my car, you think to yourself.

“What, you’re sleeping with someone?” Amy asks, trying to keep up with the conversation.

“That’s a little overkill, okay? And I cannot believe you’re slut-shaming me!” Leigh exclaims.

“Who?” Amy presses. She hoped it would be the answer she wanted.

“Yeah, Leigh, who is it?” Jules takes a quick glance at you and you feel your throat go dry. “They must be pretty special if you’re willing to risk getting caught.” She knows, you begin to internally panic. Is that why she suddenly started to question your relationship with Leigh?

“That is her business, Jules. She doesn’t have to answer that,” you are preparing to list the things that you’ve kept a secret for Jules. Not that you wanted to go down that petty path but if she thought this was the time to out you and Leigh and shame the relationship you weren’t going down without a fight.

“Oh my god, it was meaningless! It’s no one special and it’s none of anyone’s business!” Leigh says to shut down the subject. You know that she didn’t mean that and she was only trying to maintain the secret. But it hurt to hear her say that you weren’t special to her.

“Keep your gross secrets! I don’t even care anymore! I am done with this,” Jules gathers her coat, bag, and keys. “You know what? Team Shaw is bullshit and I can’t believe it took me so long to figure out that you’ll never change! I don’t want to be part of this family.” Amy is overwhelmed with her daughter's words and exits the kitchen. You take a seat feeling the fight leave you and exhausted from the whole ordeal. “You’re a terrible family!” You want to tell her to take that back but that will do more harm than good so you let her express how she feels as she makes her exit. “You should get out while you still can, Y/n. Before it’s too late.” You furrow your eyebrows at her suggestion but don’t acknowledge the comment.

“Stop it! We are supposed to be all that we have!” Amy shouts before ascending the stairs. Jules stares at Leigh before rushing over to the front door.

“So I’m a meaningless hook-up but seeing an illusion of Matt is some amazing experience?” You say once the door slams shut.

“That’s not what I–”

“Leigh, I have been patient and have let a lot of things slide. But I'd be lying if I said that didn’t hurt because I think deep down you did mean that. Deep down there is a part of you that does see me as some meaningless hook up,” you give her the moment to correct you or argue with you but she says nothing. Leigh looks away from you and stares into her glass of water. “I can’t keep lying to myself about how those comments make me feel or to you because your sister was right. Everyone has been letting you get away with a lot. I’m part of the problem, I make sure that you get away with it. But I don’t think it’s doing you any good. Do you?” Again you are met with silence. She wanted you to cut to the chase and leave because that was how you dealt with things. Sure, the timing of work was in your favor this time but she could feel you slipping away from her no matter how tight she tried to hold on. “We never finished our conversation yesterday.” Her eyes shut tightly, there it was.

“You are my boomerang,” Leigh whispers to herself. You catch the words but they don’t make sense to you. She repeats herself, only this time she looks up at you. “After the first couple of times you left and came back I started to tell myself that. Because that’s what you are. I don’t have to stand here and tell you your history or your pattern, you know it. I thought I had lost my favorite person every time you left, especially when I had no idea when you were coming back. If you were coming back. Once it became clear that you would, that little saying got me out of bed everyday.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t–”

“You weren’t supposed to. You think that you protect me and let me get away with so much, including unintentionally hurting you. But you don’t see all of the things I’ve let you get away with, protected you from, or even the ways you’ve hurt me.” You clamp your mouth shut because she was right. There were a lot of times that you were childish and treated her poorly and anytime you were reminded of them the guilt would eat at you. But you had no way of knowing how to make it up to her so you did everything you possibly could. “At least this time I have an estimate of when you’ll come back so just go. Do whatever it is that you have to. I’m setting you free, I’m letting you go.” You hold her cheek as a tear slips out and she lets herself leann into the touch for a second before she removes your hand.

“Lollipop,” you say softly.

She shakes her head, “No, Y/n. I know you and this is what you need. You’ve given me everything. It would be selfish of me to take anything more from you. This is how you deal with things. Nothing else has ever worked for you, so go.” You step away and let her know that you had to grab your things from upstairs. Once you have your phone, wallet, and car keys you ask her if you could give her a goodbye kiss. “Why? This isn’t goodbye. This is just… I don’t know if there is an appropriate term for this. But it certainly isn’t goodbye.”

“Then why does it feel like it is?” She doesn’t answer because she doesn’t have one. Instead she kisses your cheek and pulls your foreheads together for a few seconds. You shut your eyes and when you open them again she is gone and you have to leave. As you drive home you make a promise to yourself that this is the last time you run away from her.

Chapter 13

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#should've told you #fanfiction #leigh shaw #leigh shaw imagine #leigh shaw x reader #leigh shaw x y/n #leigh shaw x you #sorry for your loss #sorry for your loss imagine #fanfic fanfiction

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havin-a-wee · 3 years

Text

If Only She Knew

pairing: dad!harry x cheerleader!reader

word count: 4.2k

warnings: smut (fingering + unprotected sex), cheerleading position implies readers weight, 20 year age gap

hi! ive been having some really bad writers block but i wrote this and even though its def not my best work i like it enough to post it :) also, i totally didn't mean to imply the readers weight, i only realized afterwards, so im really sorry about that. also the age gap is kinda big, so if ur uncomfy with that you shouldn't read this <3

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY

“Geez watch where you’re going!”

You don’t even look up at the girl, recognizing her nasally voice easily from how annoying it is. You were nose deep in a book while walking down the school hallway, and of course your worst enemy had to be walking down the same hallway, at the same time, in the opposite direction. You are both at fault for the collision, considering Ella had her eyes locked on her instagram feed. But knowing the girl, there is no way in hell that she will take any responsibility, even though you are the one who has coffee dripping down the front of your white blouse.

Since middle school, Ella Styles has always hated you. You have never known why, but she seems to have a vendetta against you, and tries her best to make your life miserable. You never let her, always refraining from giving her the explosive reaction that she was looking for. And that makes her hate you even more.

High school is over in 2 months, and although you are going to miss the freedom of being a child, you most definitely won’t miss the people from the tiny town you’ve lived in since you were young. You’ve always been the type of person to have a small friend group, only 4 people in your circle. But that’s how you like it, because crippling social anxiety makes it difficult for you to meet new people.

“I- sorry.” You still don’t look at her, instead peeling the soaking wet top off of your stomach.

“You better be sorry.” She flips her blonde hair, ensuring that the fluffy locks hit you right in the face. You are lucky this time seeing as she didn’t take it further, because sometimes she would purposely embarrass you after small incidents such as this one.

Tears well at your waterline and you run into the nearest bathroom, pushing open the blue door and locking yourself in a stall.

After all these years of torment, Ella rarely was able to get to you. But sometimes, she does something that pushes you off the edge, leaving you with red, tear-stained cheeks. The final straw this time was her ruining your brand new shirt, the one you were anxiously waiting to debut at school.

But now there was coffee dripping down your chest and staining the bright white fabric. Your only saving grace is the cheerleading uniform in your backpack. In fact, you were walking to the locker room to change for practice, and then for the game at 6 tonight.

You had been excited for the game, knowing that Friday night games always led to parties and fun afterwards. You rarely go to parties of course, but the buzzing energy never fails to rub off on you. But now that stupid Ella had to go and mess up your day, you’re dreading seeing her smug face while she asserts her dominance as cheer captain.

You untie your top and rip it off in a haste, frustrated tears running down your face periodically. You could’ve put a jacket on and gone to the locker room, but Ella would be going there soon, and the last thing you want to do is run into her with teary eyes. She can’t know that you let her get to you.

You brush your hands down your uniform, pulling down the skimpy costume and stuffing your old clothes in your backpack. Once out of the stall, you pull your hair up into a high ponytail, reapply your lip gloss and walk back into the hallway, having already done your makeup that morning. You’re happy that it’s a home game today, because the home game uniforms are two pieces and the skirts are smaller than the ones on the away game uniforms. There is a certain someone you are looking to impress, and the way your tits spill out from the top of the outfit will most certainly help you in your mission.

It’s not like you need to impress him, because he’s shown time and time again that he finds you sexy no matter what you wear. And when he doesn’t tell you, he shows you, by pressing his hard on up against your ass after you just woke up, despite your messy hair and bare face.

However, he also loves when you tease him. And that’s exactly what you’re planning to do.

You sling your heavy backpack over one shoulder and trudge down the hallway, the old fluorescent lights practically blinding you on your journey. The locker room is dingy, smelling of cheap soap and Victoria’s Secret perfume. At least it doesn’t smell like the boys locker room, which smells like sweat and more sweat.

It's already bustling with people, your teammates scrambling to get ready in time as to not get yelled at by the coach.

“Y/N!” The familiar shout of your best friend Rose is like a breath of fresh air, and you bound over to her. She’s standing in front of your lockers, the two of you obviously picking ones next to each other. “Wait, why are you already changed?”

“The bitch spilled her coffee all over me,” you grumbled, your eyes shifting over to where Ella and her little goons are giggling.

“I keep telling you, anytime you want me to beat her up I will gladly do it.”

“Not that I doubt your abilities Rose, because I know you would have her on the ground in a heartbeat, but I can’t let you do that. She can’t know that she upsets me.” You lower your voice for the second sentence, irrationally fearing that she can hear you over the loud chatter echoing through the room.

“I still think you should let me beat her up, but you do you I guess.” Rose shrugged her shoulders and turned back to her locker, bursting out into laughter with you after a beat of silence.

The rest of the getting ready process goes smoothly, Rose distracting you from the girl side-eyeing you in the corner. Soon enough, the whole squad was in formation outside, and you have your hands on the shoulders of Rose and another girl named Bethany. You are a flyer, meaning that you’re the one who the bases support while you pose and flip in the air. Its a hard job, but you are one of only three girls on the team who is advanced enough at flying to be safe doing it in routines. One of the other three girls is Ella.

Ella is the flyer for the middle group, seeing as she is the captain. You are on the right and the other group is on the left. Luckily, Rose is a base in your group, so you feel a lot better putting your safety in the hands of someone you already trust with your life.

“ELLA! YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!” Coach Habbiths voice is piercing, her angry shrieks bouncing off your ear drums. Ella audibly huffs, displaying her frustration with the critiques she has been receiving since we learned the routine weeks ago. That’s one of the biggest problems with Ella, she believes that she's always right.

Every single practice she has done a needle instead of a scale at the end of the routine. It's aggravating for everyone, and that frustration is amplified everytime she makes the same mistake over and over. “Alright, everyone down. group 1 and group 3 take five, Ella and group 2 stay on the field.

The team obliged to her instructions, and you are brought down from the air.

“Okay Ella, I want you to watch how Y/N does the last move, because she’s actually doing it correctly.” Coach is standing in front of you now, and she emphasized the word ‘correctly’. This is much to Ella’s dismay, and much to your excitement.

Nothing brings you more joy than seeing Ella’s face when you one up her, and this time is no exception.

Aside from a few eye rolls and nasty looks, Ella corrects the move without much fuss. By now there's 15 minutes until the game, and the players have been warming up on the field for about half an hour.

“Did you see her face!” Rose tugs on your arm while you walk back to the locker room, water bottles in hand.

“I know! I should’ve taken a picture!”

“We can only hope that it knocked her ego down a peg.”

“I doubt it” Rose nodded in agreement and you continued your chatter, talking about the random things that best friends talk about.

“It’s go time ladies!” You jumped in surprise when Coach Habbiths yelling booms through the locker room, the hefty amount of metal in the room enhancing the echo.

In a blur, your entire team rushed out onto the field, the crisp air cooling your warmed skin. There was a huge crowd. probably the biggest the teams ever had. But that makes sense, because this game was against your school's biggest rival. Luckily, despite the huge crowd you were able to lock eyes with those piercing green irises you have gotten to know so well over the past couple months. Everytime you see him he gets more and more attractive, and this time is no exception.

At this point, the teams routine is muscle memory and you’re done with it before you can blink. Most people would think that being thrown in the air is memorable, but your main concern is the growing wet patch on your panties that spreads each time you squeeze your thighs together. Just the thought of the man is enough to turn you on, and now that you’re sitting on the cold metal bench your imagination has time to go wild.

The only thing that snapped you out of your daze was the eruption of appaulause from the audience, and the realization that the other cheerleaders were standing up and running towards the players. You breath out a sigh of relief, recognizing the cheering as a signal that the game has ended.

“Hey, you coming?” Rose tugs on your arm, looking down at you still on the bench.

“Um, actually I don’t feel so well, I think I’m going to go home.”

“I should’ve known. You know, one day you’re going to have to go to a party.” Rose places her hands on her hips, giving you a sarcastically annoyed stare.

“And today is not that day.” You grab your backpack and sling it over your shoulder, turning back to Rose for a second. “Have fun and be safe.”

“I always do.” Rose places a chaste kiss on your cheek before turning back to the gathering crowd on the turf.

Instead of heading to the sidewalk and walking home, you duck under the bleachers and walk down the gravel path, pushing open the fence that separates the field and the school. The contents of your backpack slosh around while you sway your hips as you walk. Finally, you make it to the back wall of the school, leaning your back against it and plopping your heavy backpack down by your feet.

And now you wait.

Much to your convenience, the wait this time isn’t long, only five minutes passing before you see the familiar man following the same path you did earlier.

He has a pair of brown slacks on, pressing against his waist courtesy of his black belt. A button up white shirt hides the tattoos on his stomach, but he's rolling up his sleeves as he walks over to you. He's walking with intention, hungry eyes zeroed in on you.

When he’s only steps away, you cheekily bite your lip and use your finger to push up your skirt a little bit more.

Your actions have the intended effect, his eyes blowing wide and hands grasping at your waist.

“Y’can’t do that.”

Before you have a chance to ask what he means, his lips collide with yours, his tongue slipping in only moments after the initial kiss. But as soon as he started, he pulls away.

“Y’can’t be teasing me on the field like tha’, had me hard next t’my friends.” His hand is on the wall above your head, and his other arm is wrapped around your waist pulling you into his chest. He’s panting, and you are too.

“Sorry Mr. Styles,” you push your bottom lip out in a pout, giving him the most innocent look possible. “Just wanted to wear it cause I know how much you like it.”

“Aw, my babygirl wore this f’me? Well I guess y’can be forgiven. Now let’s get t’my house before I fuck yeh right on this wall.” He places a soft kiss to your lips picking up your backpack from the floor and turning to the direction of his car.

“But it hurts!” He turns around again, giving you a sympathetic look and caressing your cheek. The rings on his fingers are cold, but you’re used to the feeling.

“I know sweet girl, but I can’t take care of yeh here, s’too risky.” He pauses for a moment, thinking of a solution to your not so little problem. “How bout I give y’my fingers in the car? Hows that sound hm?” You nod eagerly, pulling his hand down from your cheek and holding it. He takes the signal and begins walking to his car while you follow him.

You never planned to sleep with your bullies dad. But a few months ago your parents dragged you to a family friends housewarming party, and that friend happened to be a friend of Harry’s too. There were no other teenagers there, so your focus was on the attractive older man who had been checking you out since you first locked eyes, and after ending up in the upstairs bathroom together the two of you have been fucking at least twice a week. You only learned that he’s a dad when you saw him for the first time outside the party. He didn’t look the part, and you actually thought he was in his 20s until he corrected you. He’s 38, having become a parent at only 20 years old. Your relationship is a bit taboo, but you’re a mature 18 year old and you and Harry get along well. So well that your time together has developed from casual sex to a mutually exclusive relationship. (Neither of you like labels, but you’re basically boyfriend and girlfriend).

He makes you really happy, and when you have to face off against Ella, it helps knowing that you have power over her, even though she doesn’t know it.

“Did she do anything today?” Harry is walking beside you, hands still intertwined.

“Besides spilling coffee on my shirt, nothing much.” Harry sighs in frustration and squeezes your hand as a show of affection.

“M’so sorry, I wish y’didn’t ‘ave to deal with her.”

The thing about Harry and Ella is they can barely be considered family. Ella’s mom is, for lack of a better word, a bitch. She’s snobby, conceited, and rude, and those behaviors have rubbed off on Ella. Another thing that rubbed off on her was her mom’s hatred for Harry. Being young parents put strain on their already struggling relationship, and they split before Ella’s first birthday. Harry said he tried his best to make it work for Ella’s sake, but her mom was looking for someone to pay for her life, and Harry had just started working his way up as a businessman.

Now, he’s a CEO, but luckily Ella’s mom already found a new beau with plenty of money, so she didn’t come crawling back to him. However, the success Harry achieved only a few years after their breakup made her jealous, and so she instilled that anger in their daughter. So currently Ella spends most of her time with her mother, and when she is with Harry she doesn’t treat him kindly.

“It’s not your fault Harry, you don’t have to apologize for her actions.”

“I know, I jus’ hate tha’ she treats yeh like that.” He sighs again, reaching into his pocket to grab his keys. In a few more steps you’re standing outside the sleek black suv, walking around to the passenger seat and sliding in once you hear the click of the door unlocking.

You both take a few seconds to breathe, an unspoken gesture to prepare for the night's events. Harry turns to you, a sexy smirk plastered on his face. “What d’ya think about fixin’ that ache darlin?” You nod eagerly, sliding down a bit in your seat to give your legs room to spread. “Think yeh can take off y’skirt fo’me?” Your head bobs once again as you nod, hooking your fingers under the elastic waistband and shimmying out of the skirt. While you’re doing that, Harry turns the car into the deserted street, using only one hand to steer.

You toss the tiny skirt into his lap, giving him a signal without distracting his eyes from the road. He reacts immediately, his free hand coming down to squeeze your thigh. You mewl at the contact and bite down on your lip, trying to stop your hips from bucking up in search of relief. His squeezes move up your thigh, and finally his fingers press against your weeping cunt. Swiftly, he pushes your soiled panties to the side, swiping his fingers up your folds collecting your juices. You shriek and buck your hips up into his hand, but much to your dismay he removes it from between your thighs. The car comes to a stop at a red light, and Harry takes the moment to look at you, his eyes wandering your squirming body. He’s practically drooling when he places his fingers in his mouth, tasting your sweet wetness.

“Sorry pup, jus’ needed t’taste yeh.” He chuckles again, and you whine softly in desperation. In one quick motion, he dives his hand back to your pussy, pressing his thumb on your swollen clit.

“Fuck!” The pleasure shoots up your spine, goosebumps raising across your body as he rubs circles on the puffy button. “Harry- please,”

“What d’ya want puppy? Want m’fingers?”

“Yes, yes,” you breathe out, words barely comprehensible through your panting.

“Alright, alright, I gotcha.” And with that his two fingers press into you, filling your tight hole perfectly. There is no hesitation before he begins pumping the digits in and out of you and his thumb never lets up on your bundle of nerves. “Such a needy puppy, got yeh soaking f’me from out in the stands hm?” His eyes are still on the road, but you can picture the lust filled eyes that are undoubtedly on his face.

“Get so wet jus- just thinkin’ about you,” you gasp, writhing as his fingers slam in and out of you.

“Yeah? This is my cunt, m’the only one who can make yeh this wet, isn’t tha’ right?”

“Only Harry.” At your confirmation he speeds his hand up, your vision clouding with white spots as the knot building in your stomach grows tighter and tighter.

All of a sudden, he pulls his fingers out of you, leaving you empty. “Wha-” You begin to question him but you realize that he’s pulling into his driveway. Instead of complaining, you sit up quickly and unbuckle your seatbelt, pulling your skirt back up your legs to avoid being nude on his front lawn.

As soon as you feel the little jolt your hand yanks on the handle and you hop out of the car. Your brain is fuzzy with need and all you are focused on is alleviating the aching between your thighs. You hear Harry lock the car while you're on the steps, and you turn back to ensure that he’s behind you. And sure enough, he’s hot on your trail, just as eager as you to get inside and onto his bed. Your foot is tapping on the ground anxiously, waiting for Harry to unlock the front door. After what seems like an hour, he is next to you again, fumbling with the silver keychain in his hand, eventually unlocking and pushing open the door. You both practically run inside, hands roaming each other's bodies and lips locking as you shuffle through the hall.

You disconnect breathlessly when you reach the stairs, subconsciously wrapping your hands around Harry’s neck so he can pick you up bridal style. He does so hastily, barely a second passing before he’s plopping you onto the fluffy mattress. “Finally,” he pants, hands fumbling with his belt buckle. There’s a prominent bulge in his trousers, and although you’ve seen it plenty, you are always in awe at how thick and big he is. While he’s busy removing his clothes, you are practically drooling at the sight of his bare cock, full, heavy, and dripping precome.

“Harry?”

He looks back down at you with his emerald green eyes, simultaneously dropping his recently-removed shirt on the floor. “Can I ride you?” The look he gives you is indescribable, a mixture of need, lust, cockiness, and beauty all rolled up into one.

“Whatever y’want puppy,” His hands scoop under your ass, and he lifts you up and switches your positions. Now it’s your turn to undress, and Harry makes himself busy by running his hands up and down your torso. “So gorgeous, y’know that?” You nod quickly then pull your shirt off of your head. “Most beautiful girl in the world I reckon.” You blush at the compliment, butterflies being added to the many sensations occuring in your body. You straddle his thighs, wrapping your hand around his length and tugging a few times. A loud groan rumbles through his throat, and you smile knowing you’re the one who made him feel like that. “Thought- thought yeh said y’wanted to ride me pup.”

“I do.” You keep your hand on his cock, sitting up on your knees and lining him up with your weeping cunt. All at once, your body is put at ease as his cock fills you up perfectly. He bottoms out inside of you, both of you moaning and groaning while you adjust. “So big-” Your words come out in choppy pants, the syllables being cut off by your heaves. You suck in one deep breath and move upwards, sinking back down onto him quickly. His large hands hold a tight grip on your waist, guiding you up and down his member. His lips attach to your neck, suckling on the supple skin just enough so that it doesn’t bruise.

“What a dirty little puppy you are,” he growls, eyes focusing heavily on where your bodies connect, watching himself disappear inside of you as you bounce up and down on his cock.

“Feel so full-” Tingles ricochet down every part of your body, and your legs are becoming weaker with each movement. Harry can feel your movement faltering, so his hips thrust upwards to meet yours, fucking you from underneath. “Harry!”

“I know pup, I know.” His thumb strokes your cheek and he leans in for another kiss, devouring your plump lips and swirling his tongue around yours. “So fuckin tight,” The words tumble from his mouth in a low growl, which sends the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy. His cock twitches inside of you, encouraging you to muster all your energy and finish both of you off. Adrenaline kicks in and your strength returns, riding him faster and harder than before. “Let go f’me Y/N.” It only takes a few more thrusts for you to come undone, Harry’s orgasm following suit. The waves of pleasure roll through your body, and you throw your head back in ecstasy as you allow the feeling to overcome your body. Spurts of his hot cum cover your velvety walls and you ride out your orgasms together, resting your foreheads against one another.

You end up sleeping at his house, feeling safe knowing that Ella is staying with her mom today. It’s normal for you to sleep at his place, seeing as both of you are usually so tired that you pass out before you can leave. What isn’t normal is for you to be woken up in the morning by Harry’s phone ringing. Harry is a deep sleeper, and you laugh at the sight of him conked out while his ringtone blares on the nightstand just a few inches away. Carefully, you reach over his sleeping body and grab the phone, planning on hanging it up and going back to bed. However, when you saw that it was Ella calling, you changed your mind. Making a split second decision, you slide the icon to the right, holding it up to your ear.

“Hello?” Her whiney voice rings through your eardrum and you wince. Not the nicest thing to be woken up to.

“Hello,” you answer, your voice not reflecting the cocky grin that spread across your face.

“Who the hell is this!” she shrieks, and you make a mental note that she must not be a morning person.

“A friend of your dads.” Your response is once again calm and monotone, trying to stifle the laugh that is bubbling in your throat.

“Ugh! What’s your name?”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N”

#harry styles smut #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb #harry styles fic #harry styles imagine #harry styles story #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles blog #harry styles headcannon #harry styles au #dad!harry #one direction smut #one direction fanfiction

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hookingminor · 4 years

Text

4 times his friends posted you on their instagram + 1 time he did - mat barzal

a/n: I wrote this literally back in july so lets just ignore how idealistic this is regarding quarantine but im a slut for some barzy this is all fluff

word count: 4,733

summary: like the title says, some friends (with benefits?) to lovers + a tyson cameo, fluffy summer quarantine fic

tagging @davidpastrsnack so kate can get on the barzy train

To say the whole quarantine thing was an inconvenience was an understatement. School had ended online, your summer internship was cancelled, and it seemed like your summer would turn into an uneventful couple of months stuck in your apartment in, probably, the worst place to be stuck in during a pandemic: New York City.

Or so you thought.

You’d planned on having the most boring summer ever until your friend, Mat, had invited you to hole up away with him and a few friends in a lake house back in Vancouver. Well, friend was a loose term. The two of you were friends… just ones that kissed occasionally… and sometimes more than kissed. You’d met him about a year ago at a bar while he was out with his teammates after a game. A cliche meeting, but you hit it off instantly. Instead of ending up in his bed at the end of the night (which you would eventually end up at after a couple months), it turned into an exchange of numbers and an invitation to hang out later in the week.

You hadn’t thought anything of it at first, just thinking he was being friendly and wanting to end the conversation, so you were surprised to get a text the next day from an unknown number asking if you’d wanted to go on a bike ride.

Flashforward a year later and the two of you still went on bike rides together. At least, up until the pandemic started.

When the text came telling you to pack your bags for a month or so, you thought he was joking. Surely he couldn’t have meant you to join him in Vancouver over the summer? You were proven wrong when he showed up at your apartment the next day, two coffees in his hand.

“Uh, hi, Mathew,” you said hesitantly, opening your door to reveal your disheveled state, having just woken up.

“Why are you dressed like that? We have a plane to catch in four hours,” he said, pushing himself through your door, uninvited, to set the coffees on the counter.

“What are you doing here? What plane? You’re not supposed to be going out,” you reprimanded him for showing up unannounced and in the middle of quarantine.

“I told you we’re going to Vancouver, I know you read my text. Now let’s hurry up and pack, we gotta get going,” Mat rushed, already on the way to your bedroom.

You followed him after a brief moment once you’d processed what was going on. Mat had already pulled out your suitcase and set it on top of your bed by the time you entered the door. He was in the middle of rifling through your drawers and grabbing random garments to throw into the suitcase when you’d spoken again.

“You’re actually serious about this?”

“Of course I am. What better things do you have to do in a city on lockdown for an entire summer? Honestly, I’m doing you a favor,” he explained easily, turning back to grab more items.

“Oh, you’re doing me a favor? Thank you, Mat, for saving me from a summer of suffering. It’s not like I had other plans to find different internships or focus on my summer classes,” you replied sarcastically.

Mat rolled his eyes. “I am doing you a favor, and you’re doing me a favor by going. I need a hot piece of ass to get me through this, or I will lose my mind.” You slugged him on the shoulder in offense, but all he did was chuckle.

“And anyways, you can still do your classes in Vancouver. Instead of doing them locked in this apartment, you can do them lounged out under the Canadian sun. Preferably in a bikini,” he finished. You slugged his arm again, harder this time.

“In fact, you should take the red bikini, it makes your tits look amazing,” he said, noticing you shuffling through your swimsuits. You rolled your eyes at him but grabbed the red one anyway along with a couple others.

With both of you folding and packing, your bags were ready to go in record time.

“Alright, baby, let’s go.” And so you were off.

A week had gone by in total bliss. As much as you hated to admit it, Mat was right. Vacationing in Vancouver in a secluded lake house was a lot better than being alone in your apartment, even if you did still have classes to do. Mat teased you about it, but he always left you alone for a few hours in the day for you to focus on your work. Unless he really wanted something… like right now.

Mat had joined you laying on the couch while you were in the middle of annotating a book for class. He wiggled his way between your arms, causing you to break your hold on your book. He rested his head on your chest, arms wrapped around your middle, and nuzzled his face into your neck. Joining your hands back to your book and bringing your highlighter to the page, you continued to underline phrases you’d come back to later. A couple minutes passed in silence before Mat started sighing. And then he sighed again.

“What do you want?” you huffed out, closing your book with the pen marking your page.

“Let’s go swimming,” he said, pushing up to his elbows to look at your face.

“I have to finish, like, three more chapters today,” you explained.

“You can do that later. I want to go swimming now,” Mat whined.

“You know you sound like a petulant child right now, right?” you asked, moving a hand to his head, pushing his hair back as he pouted.

“Stop using big words on me. Let’s swim,” he said, rolling his eyes.

You paused to think about it for a moment, “Hmm… okay, I guess,” you said with a smile. Mat returned your smile with one of his own before hopping up to drag you to your room to change. It didn’t take much to convince you to swim. It was a really nice day out, and you didn’t really care to finish reading about 17th century philosophy.

You changed into your red bikini, Mat swapped his shorts for a pair of swim trunks, and threw on a backwards baseball cap. You went out back to join the rest of his friend group, who were in the process of loading up the boat with supplies and equipment.

“Oh, look, if it isn’t Brainiac and the Beast. Are you two finally going to go boating with us?” Tyson shouted from the dock. You rolled your eyes at his nickname they created for you and Mat. It had only been a week in Vancouver, but the chirps about you and school were tired by now.

“Princess here wants to swim in the pool, maybe next time!” you shouted back, pointing to Mat.

They laughed at your response, turning their attention back to the boat and running supplies to and from the house. You turned your attention back to Mat, who was taking off his hat and was about two seconds away from jumping in the pool.

“Mathew, stop!” you yelled out, “Get your ass over here!”

“What is it?” he asked, stopping just short of the deep end. He grumbled before marching over to you.

“You need to put sunscreen on first, dumbass,” you reprimanded. As you turned your back to grab the bottle of sunscreen, he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, Mat,” you said sharply, turning back to face him with a raised eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, baby.”

You ignored him, opening the cap and squeezing lotion onto your hands. You gestured him to turn around, and you spread the lotion over it, making sure to rub it into his shoulders.

“I don’t see why I have to put sunscreen on. It’s not even that hot outside,” he muttered.

“First of all, you’re a dumbass. Second of all, heat doesn’t automatically mean the UV rays aren’t strong. And lastly, you’re white, baby, you’ll burn like a sun-dried tomato and being in water only increases the amount of sun you’re exposed to,” you explained, reaching up to rub some on his face.

“Sorry, Miss Meteorologist,” he grumbled, clearly not happy he’d lost this argument.

“One of us has to have brains. We can’t all get by on our good looks and skating ability,” you replied, slapping his cheeks when you were done for good measure.

“Okay, well, if you’re finally done,” you nodded in confirmation, “Let’s go.” He picked you up from under your thighs and ran at full speed towards the pool before you could even process what was happening. You screamed his name in protest begging him to put you down, claiming you hadn’t had time to put on sunscreen yet. He ignored you as he jumped into the deep end, dragging you with him.

You emerged from the water clinging to Mat’s wet body, your hair sopping and hanging over your face like you had come straight out of the movie The Grudge. Mat was laughing at your chaotic look, knowing you were well pissed at him. You jumped higher in the water on top of him to dunk his head under and tried your best to drown him.

It wasn’t until you were relaxing on the couch later that night doing your routinely social media scroll that you saw one of the guys recorded your sunscreen interaction by the pool, you calling Mat a dumbass, and him throwing you in the pool onto their instagram story with a caption “all these two do is fight” with some laughing crying emojis added for effect.

After a long day or hiking, you’d immediately crashed on the couch once you’d gotten back to the house, not bothering to walk all the way to your room. It was only early in the afternoon but you’d been out since sunrise, and dealing with people for hours on end had drained you. The group laughed at you as you plopped your body down onto the couch, curling your head under your arm instead of grabbing the pillow two feet away from you. The rest of them gathered in the kitchen, refueling their bodies with assorted snacks as they started popping open bottles of beer, ready to start the night. It seemed that even an entire day on their feet had not emptied them of their, seemingly endless, energy.

“Jesus Christ, we hiked for, like, six hours and you’re all still bouncing off the walls,” you sighed deeply.

“We’re about to go hit the boat and go water skiing, too. I’m assuming you’re too tired to join us?” Tyson teased.

“I will not be joining you because unlike some people, I need a nap. Now get out of here, you’re all giving me a headache,” you said, pinching your fingers on the bridge of your nose to emphasize your point.

They all snickered but kept quiet as they shuffled around, packing up more food to take outside. You heard the sliding door shut and close a few times as they ran in and out before it was finally silent. You let out a sigh of relief as you took solace in the calm quiet.

That was until you felt a pair of arms shifting you closer to the edge of the couch. You peeked one eye open to see Mat rolling your body over to give him some space as he climbed over your body to nestle himself between you and the back cushions.

“Not going out on the boat?” You asked as he tucked a pillow under the both of your heads and pulled a blanket over your bodies.

“No. They’re exhausting. I need some time for myself,” Mat replied, wrapping his arm around your middle to pull you into his chest.

“No offense, but if you’re with me, you’re not by yourself,” you explained, closing your eyes again as you settled into a comfortable position.

“Yeah, but you’re you. You don’t exhaust me,” he said quietly. You didn’t know what to say to that, so you didn’t answer. Within a few seconds you heard Mat’s breathing even out, and you followed quickly behind him into a deep sleep.

A couple hours passed in a dreamless sleep when you heard the sliding of doors and laughter travel through the house. It stirred you from your sleep and you both shifted around, letting out displeased groans.

“Are they both still asleep?” You heard one of them ask from the kitchen. Neither of you wanted to answer in hopes they would leave you two to continue sleeping.

You were sadly mistaken.

“Hey! Sleeping beauties! Time to get up!” Tyson shouted from somewhere above you.

You both groaned out a “Fuck off, Tyson,” without opening your eyes, both of you giving him the middle finger. Tyson laughed to himself and you expected him to keep bothering you, but you heard his footsteps lead away from the couch. You turned over on your other side, tucking your face into Mat’s neck before falling back asleep.

When you woke up later that evening, you checked instagram again to see Tyson posted a new story. It was the video of him bothering you two and flipping him off with a caption that said “I get no respect around here :(“

It had been raining all day. Which meant everyone was stuck inside watching movies and eating pizza. It didn’t take long for you to get bored of lounging on the couch, especially when all they wanted to do was watch Fast and Furious movies. You sat on the loveseat you were sharing with Mat, and you distracted yourself from the boring movie by tangling your hands in your hair, French braiding the strands into pigtails mindlessly. You unbraided and rebraided your hair into a fishtail after the pigtails, and then into a regular braided ponytail after that. You let yourself get caught up in daydreams as you stared blankly at the TV when Mat started tugging on your leg. Dropping your braid, you finished tying it off with a hair tie and turned to look at him.

“Let me practice on you,” Mat said quietly.

“Practice what?” You asked.

“Braiding,” he said, shuffling to sit upright. He tried to gently push you off the couch until you got the hint and moved to sit between his legs on the floor.

“You think you can do it?” You asked, ready to offer him a demonstration.

“I’ve been watching you for the past half hour, I got this,” he replied, pulling out your hair tie. You rolled your eyes at his confidence, but let him continue unraveling the strands.

Every few minutes Mat would sigh exasperatedly before pulling out the twists he’d made to start over. Eventually, he’d almost gotten all the way to the end of your hair before he sighed again, clearly fed up by how long this was taking him. You didn’t say anything as he restarted for a third time, going for a straight back braid instead of a French braid.

After another ten minutes, Mat had finally completed his simple braid, tying your hair off with the tie. He tapped your shoulder to indicate he was done, and you pulled the long tail over your shoulder to look at it.

It was a braid.

An extremely loose one where he mixed up the strand order in a couple places, but a braid nonetheless. You turned around to get back up on the couch, and you were met with his triumphant smile.

“Good job, bud,” you complimented, leaving the braid in as you resumed your previous position on the couch.

You checked your phone to find a notification of a new story tag. You opened the app to see a picture of you on the floor, staring at the TV while Mat had his hands twisted in your hair and a confused look on his face and tongue poking out of his mouth. Next to your instagram tag was “he’s been knotting her hair on purpose for 20 minutes now”

Your final exams for the summer classes you were taking were in a week. Finals stressed you out more than anything else in the world, and when you were stressed, you did a lot of baking. A lot of baking. After finishing your finals study schedule and nearly breaking down almost twice because of the amount you had to get done, you decided to start baking instead of going to sleep. So, at 3 in the morning when everyone was asleep, you’d turned on the oven and brought out the bowls.

It began with a few dozen cookies. You figured everyone could at least enjoy the cookies. Who didn’t like cookies?

Cookies turned into muffins, muffins into cupcakes, and then cupcakes into pies. By the time everyone was waking up, it was nearly eleven in the morning. You’d gone to the store twice and had taken a few twenty minute naps while you waited for your desserts baked in the oven. And right now, you were in the middle of finishing off some cinnamon rolls for breakfast

“Oh my god, what the hell happened here?” Mat had asked with a scared expression, taking note of the disastrous kitchen. You didn’t answer him as you were topping off the rolls with some icing.

A few more bodies had gathered in the kitchen and began to fill the seats at the countertop while they watched you with worried eyes.

“What?” You asked innocently, placing the plates of cinnamon rolls in front of all of them. Their eyes followed you carefully as you pulled more goods out of the oven where you were keeping them warm. Plate after plate you set on the counter, all the cookies and muffins and cakes.

“How long have you been up?” Tyson asked cautiously. You swear you’ve never heard him use a softer voice than right now.

“I’m not sure. I never went to sleep, I guess? What time is it now?” You asked, pulling out glasses for orange juice.

“Nearly noon. You seriously didn’t sleep?” Tyson asked. The others had delved into the confections, eyes bouncing between the two of you as they stuffed their faces.

“She’s stress baking,” Mat replied quietly, helping himself to a cinnamon roll.

“What the hell is tress baking?” One of the other guys asked.

“Yeah she does this when she’s stressed. Usually when finals are coming up,” Mat said, directing it more towards you than his friend. You gave him a sheepish look, deciding not to comment since he already answered for you.

Mat was used to your stress baking as it resulted in you showing up at his place in the middle of the night with bags full of pastries in the late hours of the evening. It was always against his diet and he frequently gave most of your desserts to his neighbor, but he could never tell you no when you arrived with gifts.

“Well, I’m all out of flour, so, I’m going to run to the store again to get some more supplies so I can make a chocolate cake later,” you said hurriedly.

You did a quick double check of the kitchen, flashing all the guys a bright smile before heading out the door with your purse in hand, all of them staring until the front door shut behind you.

When you came back, you found Mat in the kitchen doing the dishes and nearly all the sweets you’d baked earlier were eaten or wrapped and put away. Maybe there was a plus side to being in a home with five other people.

“Mat, you don’t have to do that,” you said, setting your groceries down and hip checking him away from the sink.

“You’re already stressed, I figured doing the dishes would take away some of that,” he said with a shrug. He continued rinsing out some bowls as you gave him a small smile.

The two of you continued to wash the dishes in silence, moving to clean the countertops when you were done. After half an hour, the mess you’d made was gone and any signs of a baking breakdown had been erased.

It was a shame you were about to tear up the kitchen all over again.

“How about this,” Mat said, noticing the frown on your face at the thought of making another mess, “Let’s have a competition.”

You quirked your eyebrow, “I’m listening.”

“You said you were making a chocolate cake, right? How about we see who can make the better cake,” Mat propositioned.

You raised both your eyebrows this time. You both knew you were the better baker by a long shot. You did have this same breakdown at least twice a year. You weren’t even sure Mat knew how to make anything that didn’t come with box instructions or included possible salmonella-inducing ingredients.

You knew what he was really trying to do. He was trying to distract you from all the stress, and he knew you couldn’t turn down a competition. You were just as bad as him when it came to winning. Thankfully, this was something you knew you’d win.

“Fine, but I hope you’re prepared to lose,” you agreed with a smile.

“I don’t know, I have been practicing my cooking skills lately,” he said, grabbing the bowls he’d just dried off.

“Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it,” you replied with an eye roll and heavy sarcasm.

You joined him in gathering all the ingredients and materials on the counter, setting up your respective stations. Mat divided the workspace in half, drawing a line in flour which made you laugh. You split the bowls between the sides and set up the ingredients on the second counter just like an actual cooking show.

“Okay, ground rules first. Half an hour to make the cakes, we bake them at the same time, and then another half hour for decorating at the end,” you explained, tying your hair back in a ponytail. Mat nodded at your statement and set a timer on his phone for 30 minutes.

“Ready.”

“Set.”

“Go!”

After about two hours, your creations were done. Well, they were supposed to be. Mat’s cake looked more or less like a brown lump coated in frosting and stripes. You’d tried your best to decorate yours with small chocolate roses, but you could’ve turned out a plain cake and probably would have done better.

“I think I won,” you stated confidently.

“You’re not allowed to decide, you’re biased! I’ll make a poll on my story,” Mat said, going to grab his phone.

“You can’t do that, your followers are going to pick yours.”

“Fine, we’ll get someone else to do it— Josty! Come here,” Mat called to his friend passing through the kitchen. He hesitantly walked over to where you were, not wanting to come in the middle of whatever you two were shouting about.

“We need you to make an instagram poll to see who’s cake looks better. Oh, and you’re going to taste test them,” you said, picking up your cake to pose for a picture as Mat did the same. Tyson sighed before realizing you two were serious and he opened his app to take a picture.

He added the photo to his story with a poll asking “Which one is better?” With two options, Y/N’s or Mat’s.

After you set the cakes back down, Tyson picked up a fork before stabbing them to pick out a chunk from each. He ate yours first, nearly moaning at the taste.

“Holy shit, this is, like, the best cake I’ve ever eaten,” Tyson said, shoveling down another forkful. You gave Mat a shit-eating grin.

“Okay, okay, try mine now,” Mat said, displeased. Tyson rolled his eyes before forking out some of his.

“Uh,” he coughed, “it’s a little,” cough, “dry.”

“What? No, it’s not! Let me try,” Mat shouted, outraged, and grabbed Tyson’s fork to try for himself.

It took him two seconds before he was spitting the cake into a napkin.

“Fine. You win,” Mat conceded, throwing a dish towel against the counter in mock fury.

You gloated for another 5 minutes, pointing out Mat’s terrible baking skills as Tyson continued to eat your cake and laugh at Mat.

You won the instagram poll too.

+ 1

It was the last week before you and Mat were flying back to New York. The past month had passed quickly, and Mat needed to get back for the start of training camps. As the summer began to end, the whole crew thought they’d spend one last day on the boat before everyone started parting ways.

It’s not like you were opposed to being on boats, but when all the guys did was water sports and no one wanted to slow down to teach you, it wasn’t as fun.

Today, however, had been quite calm as you sat against the front of the boat, a seltzer in hand as you watched Tyson wakeboarding in the back. Mat was curled up behind you as you leaned back against his chest, tanned skin shining in the summer sun. You reached back to grab the baseball cap off his head, placing it on yours to shield your eyes from the sun. You’d forgotten to bring sunglasses, and you figured Mat could part with his hat since he had a pair.

The day passed peacefully as all the guys took turns until it was sunset. Mat had joined you back on the seat, skin wet from just getting out of the water. He wrapped you in his arms before pulling you onto his lap, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek.

“Hey, Tys, take a picture of us real quick,” Mat said, shoving his phone into Tyson’s chest.

You thought nothing of it, you and Mat had taken many pictures together, and this was no different. Mat rested his chin on your shoulder, his arms wrapped around your stomach as you both gave your cheesiest smiles to the camera. A quick shutter indicated the picture was taken and Tyson gave Mat his phone back.

Mat called your name from your bed as you stood in the adjoined bathroom, finishing your nightly routine.

“Hey, do you mind if I post that picture of us on my instagram?” Mat called out.

“The one from the boat? Why?” You asked, drying off your face with a towel.

“It’s a cute picture,” he shrugged when you reentered the room.

“People are going to start talking if you do,” you warned with a cautious tone.

He paused for a second.

“Would that be such a bad thing?” Mat asked quietly, looking up to meet your eyes.

You stayed silent as you climbed in under the covers.

“What are you trying to say, Mat?”

He took a deep breath, “I think you’re amazing, you know that. And we’ve been friends for so long, it kind of feels natural, doesn’t it?” His fingers began tapping against the sheets anxiously as he held his breath and waited for your response.

You gave him a small smile, moving your body around to fully face him.

“It does,” you agreed, “But if you want us to be something more, you’re going to have to ask me on a date first.”

“A date? After I’ve already gotten you into bed? What’s the point?” You knew he meant it as a joke since he could barely finish the sentence without laughing, but you gently slapped his head as he began to apologize.

“I’m kidding!” He said between chuckles, “Will you go on a date with me once we get back to New York and it’s safe to go out again?”

“I’d love to, Mat,” you replied, leaning in to give him a sweet kiss.

“I’m still going to post that photo tomorrow, though,” he said after a short pause, smiling against your lips.

The next day when Mat had gone on a fishing trip with the guys, you saw a notification pop up on your phone.

“@barzal97 tagged you in a photo”

You unlocked your phone.

“Isolation isn’t so bad when you have this girl to spend it with”

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #nhl fic #my writing #isles13

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