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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 years

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A Phil update! For those who were asking.

I mentioned before that Phil works for a call centre. I'm pretty sure I've also made it clear by now that Phil's spectacular weirdness, coupled with his hatred of capitalism, means he's been mentally checked out of that job for a while now. His main focus has been his degree for the past year anyway. The only reason he's stayed is because Phil has a history of destructive impulsivity that he's been actively working on, so he didn't want to just walk out.

So there we are, scene set. Last week, he phones my husband.

"A weird thing happened in work," he tells Steff. "My manager called me into the office for a chat, but... I think it was weird? I'm pretty sure it was weird."

"Tell me what happened, Phil," says Steff.

***

Here's the story:

Phil goes into the office, and the manager fixes him with a Kind Smile.

"Phil," the Manager says hesitantly. "Do you... like working here?"

"...um," says Phil, distantly aware after Many Conversations with Exasperated Friends that the correct answer to your boss is 'yes', but physically incapable of lying. "Well. I. Um."

"Because," the manager says awkwardly. "Look, you - it's okay."

"Is it?" Phil asks vaguely.

"It's okay," the manager repeats. "I know you don't like working here. This isn't what you want to do. You don't want to stay."

"No," Phil agrees, relieved they are on the same page.

"Listen," the manager says, in an agony of awkwardness. "Look, Phil... you're such a nice guy. Just... I'll write you the best reference. But you can just... go, if you want. You can... go back to your desk and log out and just... leave."

"...okay," says Phil. And he leaves.

***

So he tells this story to Steff, who is, obviously, BAFFLED.

"Okay," says Steff. "Right. Phil. Phil what the fuck did you do."

"Nothing!" Phil protests. "I didn't do anything!"

"Okay," Steff says again, changing tack. "Phil. What have you done recently that a capitalist would disapprove of?"

"Oh," says Phil. "It's probably because I gave that old woman £200 of company money."

"...go on," Steff says wearily.

***

Here's the story:

This sweet old woman rings and says her phone was down for a couple of days. She's calling to complain, because it meant she couldn't contact her relatives, and she felt lonely.

"I'm so sorry," says Phil. "Do you want some money?"

("First question," says Steff. "Were you supposed to give any money at all for that?"

"...no," says Phil.)

So this old woman is like "Uh... yes please? Okay?"

"Alright!" says Phil cheerfully. "Let's see how much I can give you."

("Second question," says Steff. "Were you allowed to give out £200 to anyone?"

"Oh, no," says Phil. "They made it really difficult, actually, it took ages.")

"Ah," Phil tells this old lady. "I can only give you £50. Let's try that."

"I... thank you," says this old lady, already in the grip of the Heady Bewilderment that descends on everyone who speaks to Phil for a bit. "That's very generous."

"It's gone through!" says Phil happily. "There we are. I wonder if it'll let me do it again?"

"Um," says the old lady, who is starting to sense that she's dealing with a maverick doing something he shouldn't.

("Third question," says Steff. "Did she ask for more at any point?"

"Um... no," says Phil.)

"It worked!" Phil says brightly. "Do you want me to do it again? I think it'll let me."

"...okay," this old lady says, strangled. "Thank you."

"No problem," says Phil helpfully. "It's done it, I think. Shall we do one more?"

"Yes please," says this old woman, who is now convinced she's either called the wrong number or is speaking to an amenable faerie one mustn't refuse.

Phil tries again. It goes through.

...

"Do you think," Steff asks, "that this might have been a fireable offence?"

"I suppose?" Phil says dubiously. "The company has loads of money though, I don't see why."

"...no, of course you don't," Steff agrees.

"Anyway," Phil says. "I think I left on a good note. But that might have been weird, too."

"What did you do," Steff sighs.

"Well, I packed up my desk," says Phil. "And then this guy turned up who was supposed to give me some training. And I told him that I was leaving so it wasn't necessary, and then he said that he had to give the training-"

"You did the training, didn't you," says Steff.

"I did the training," says Phil.

#vote for phil #long post

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eyes-onthehorizon · 2 years

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.

#vote for phil

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tomorrowusa · 4 months

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Don't risk a rerun of the 2000 election.

In the first presidential election of the 21st century many deluded progressives voted for Green Party candidate Ralph Nader.

Their foolishness gave us eight years of George W. Bush who plagued the country with two recessions (including the Great Recession) and two wars (one totally unnecessary and one which could have been avoided if he heeded an intelligence brief 5 weeks before 9/11).

Oh yeah, Dubya also appointed one conservative and one batshit crazy reactionary to the US Supreme Court. Roberts and Alito are still there.

Paul Waldman of the Washington Post offers some thoughts.

Why leftists should work their hearts out for Biden in 2024

Ask a Democrat with a long memory what the numbers 97,488 and 537 represent, and their face will twist into a grimace. The first is the number of votes Ralph Nader received in Florida in 2000 as the nominee of the Green Party; the second is the margin by which George W. Bush was eventually certified the winner of the state, handing him the White House. Now, with President Biden gearing up for reelection, talk of a spoiler candidate from the left is again in the air. That’s unfortunate, because here’s the truth: The past 2½ years under Biden have been a triumph for progressivism, even if it’s not in most people’s interest to admit it. This was not what most people expected from Biden, who ran as a relative moderate in the 2020 Democratic primary. His nomination was a victory for pragmatism with its eyes directed toward the center. But today, no one can honestly deny that Biden is the most progressive president since at least Lyndon B. Johnson. His judicial appointments are more diverse than those of any of his predecessors. He has directed more resources to combating climate change than any other president. Notwithstanding the opposition from the Supreme Court, his administration has moved aggressively to forgive and restructure student loans.

Three years ago the economy was in horrible shape because of Trump's mishandling of the pandemic. Now unemployment is steadily below 4%, job creation continues to exceed expectations, and wages are rising as unions gain strength. The post-pandemic, post-Afghan War inflation rate has receded to near normal levels; people in the 1970s would have sold their souls for a 3.2% (and dropping) inflation rate. And many of the effects of "Bidenomics" have yet to kick in.

And in a story that is criminally underappreciated, his administration’s policy reaction to the covid-induced recession of 2020 was revolutionary in precisely the ways any good leftist should favor. It embraced massive government intervention to stave off the worst economic impacts, including handing millions of families monthly checks (by expanding the child tax credit), giving all kids in public schools free meals, boosting unemployment insurance and extending health coverage to millions.

It worked. While inflation rose (as it did worldwide), the economy’s recovery has been blisteringly fast. It took more than six years for employment rates to return to what they were before the Great Recession hit in 2008, but we surpassed January 2020 jobs levels by the spring of 2022 — and have kept adding jobs ever since. To the idealistic leftist, that might feel like both old news and a partial victory at best. What about everything supporters of Bernie Sanders have found so thrilling about the Vermont senator’s vision of the future, from universal health care to free college? It’s true Biden was never going to deliver that, but to be honest, neither would Sanders had he been elected president. And that brings me to the heart of how people on the left ought to think about Biden and his reelection.

Biden has gotten things done. The US economy is doing better than those of almost every other advanced industrialized country.

Our rivals China and Russia are both worse off than they were three years ago. And NATO is not just united, it's growing.

Sadly, we still need to deal with a far right MAGA cult at home who would wreck the country just to get its own way.

Biden may be elderly and unexciting, but that is one of the reasons he won in 2020. Many people just wanted an end to the daily drama of Trump's capricious and incompetent rule by tweet. And a good portion of those people live in places that count greatly in elections – suburbs and exurbs.

Superhero films seem to be slipping in popularity. Hopefully that's a sign that voters are less likely to embrace self-appointed political messiahs to save them from themselves.

Good governance is a steady process – not a collection of magic tricks. Experienced and competent individuals who are not too far removed from the lives of the people they represent are the best people to have in government.

Paul Waldman concludes his column speaking from the heart as a liberal...

I’ve been in and around politics for many years, and even among liberals, I’ve almost always been one of the most liberal people in the room. Yet only since Biden’s election have I realized that I will probably never see a president as liberal as I’d like. It’s not an easy idea to make peace with. But it suggests a different way of thinking about elections — as one necessary step in a long, difficult process. The further you are to the left, the more important Biden’s reelection ought to be to you. It might require emotional (and policy) compromise, but for now, it’s also the most important tool you have to achieve progressive ends.

Exactly. Rightwingers take the long view. It took them 49 years but they eventually got Roe v. Wade overturned. To succeed, we need to look upon politics as an extended marathon rather as one short sprint.

Republicans may currently be bickering, but they will most likely unite behind whichever anti-abortion extremist they nominate.

It's necessary to get the word out now that the only way to defeat climate-denying, abortion-restricting, assault weapon-loving, race-baiting, homophobic Republicans is to vote Democratic.

#paul waldman #liberalism #election 2000 #election 2024 #joe biden #third parties #vote blue no matter who #donald trump #dumpster fire #trumpster fire #fascism vs. democracy #nra republicans #abortion #climate change #lgbtq+ rights #race-baiting #take the political long view #phil hands

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suckerforfluff · 7 months

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can't wait to find out which qsmp relationship dynamic will change due to the brazil trip because the ccs became besties and it changes the course of the narrative

#qsmp #like how twitchcon paris made everyone closer #especially phil etoiles and forever #friendship so strong anarchist mancrow voted out of character #i really hope charlie logs on more even off stream just to hang and idk maybe chose a room in cellbit's castle idk haha just spitballing ah

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reunitedinterlude · 1 day

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pyjamas (2024 // 2018 // 2015)

#o7 to the dnp pyjama plushies that were never made cause ppl voted for pastel plushies instead #dan and phil #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #amazingphil #phil lester #danandphilgames #dpgdaily #phan #dnp gifs #my gifs #compilation #Getting Deep at the Slumber Party #DAN AND PHIL MASSIVE PIZZA MUKBANG #ZZZZ

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givemeureyes · 11 months

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(side note i did not add destiel because, i mean cmon. i gotta give the other ones a chance at least)

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invisible-brandy · 4 months

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why are they having the same discussions as we do

#me waking up and going nah wait I didn't gif all i wanted to #also yes the only correct answer to that question is phil would win and i voted the same on the poll #dan and phil #dan and phil games #dnp #dnp gifs #daniel howell #phil lester #pinof #amazingphil #danisnotonfire #phan #dpgdaily #gamingmas 2023

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iridescentis · 2 months

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okay sure dan looks more like a dragon and his vision was better but I WILL FIGHT FOR PHIL HERE

does he look very creature? yes, but the flowers and fairy lights are adorable and the little pink heart gems under his eyes are precious im not sorry HE DESERVES THIS

#i will fight for him #dan looked objectively cooler but im sorry #phil has the silly little guy factor in this #i usually vote for dan in everything but phil deserves this one okay #hilarious but what on earth are they doing #dan and phil #dnp

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cosmic-d1ce · 8 months

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Recent events that give me faith in my boys

After the fireworks, the first thing Forever thought to do was write a letter to Phil saying he could have been first lady

Phil voted for Forever despite saying he wasn't going to engage with the elections at all

"We could have what Cellbit and Roier have!" <- he's so totally over him and does not think about them getting married ever

It takes a very special man to hit the president upside the head

PHIL AND BRUNIM BEING MORE ALIKE?? In Stonks2 Forever was president and Brunim was an anarchist fighting against him. Forever is president and Phil is an anarchist that will fight against him if he fucks things up

Little tiny but Forever stopping Phil from going back into the Nether

Phil and Forever having custody talks

Really tho that talk about taking care of Tallulah was so sweet. They trust and care about each other so much. Forever has gained the same level of trust as Fit, who Phil has known for years

Even if they fight they always come back to each other

Forever gets so happy when he thinks about Phil its so cute

#cant stand these mfs #LOOK AT THEM #qsmp #qsmp philza #qsmp forever #philever #forphil #philza #forever player #sugarduo #qsmp shipping #really want Phil to tell Forever he voted for him #please 🙏#its all i want

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danrifics · 3 months

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my parents when i come home with a second WAD cube

#dan howell #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #dan and phil #shoutout roper for the meme we had a democratic vote over it

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tarotphil · 2 months

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#dan and phil #amazingphil #daniel howell #phan #dp🌓#dapg #please vote and reblog I am curious!!#phandom statistics #robin 📢

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 7 months

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Your husband's a comedian? What's the weirdest/his favourite heckle he's ever gotten?

Good question! He says he's never received any particularly noteworthy ones himself, but his favourite he's ever seen in a gig he was performing at was at a Translation Gig a few months back - it's a gig Steff runs where Welsh language comedians perform their sets in Welsh, and Steff does the simultaneous translation into the audience's headsets (he's a trained translator). Except obviously the comedians performing are, you know, comedians, so they intentionally try to make it hard for him, and sometimes insult him so he has to translate his own abuse. And then after a while he gets the comedians to translate each other instead, and it gets super anarchic. It's great, because if you don't speak Welsh, you're still able to understand because the main show IS the translation, which is high on improv and off-the-cuff stuff. But if you do speak Welsh, you get two shows at once.

So, a few months back, he's running one of these. An early act on is the wonderful Esyllt Sears, fantastic comedian, and early in her set she announces that Steff has told her in the past to talk to the audience more; she then spends a chunk of her set asking random audience members if their grandfathers are still alive. It's very funny.

And then in the second half, the headliner is our lovely and bewildering friend Phil. He, at one point, apparently forgets that he's supposed to be performing a set, and so asks the audience if they have any questions.

At which point Steff's cousin Mared, in the audience, says "Is your grandfather still alive?"

It's a funny callback, right?? We all laugh! The audience is highly amused!

But Phil arrived late and didn't see Esyllt's set, so he's just like "You WHAT?!?" and has a fourteen second panic that Mared has put out a hit on Tad-Cu and he needs to call home

It's also very easy to confuse Phil, so perfect comedian for it to happen to, really

#asks #comedy #vote for phil

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geniusphilester · 5 months

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rip potential devan wedding happening in episode 69

#no offense everyone who voted for a new season #but we lost so much #not as much as we lost when dan and phil DELETED THE OWL SLIDE HOUSE #without PUTTING IT IN THE GALLERY #i'm fine. it's fine. we're fine.#my ramblings #dapg #sims

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penelopepitstopp · 4 months

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Taskmaster Team Introductions: Series 7

Team 1 (Jessica and Kerry)