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asksuccubussides · 10 months

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What if you were an asexual succubus, wouldn't that be fucked up or what Chapter 3

Masterpost of chapters

(Cw: There's a short Remus section towards the end with imagined violence and references to sex)

Etymology, psychology, Hauntology. These were all topics that Janus adored and he'd managed to fit them all into a single essay assignment. He should be bursting with the urge to write about it, But he wasn't.

He was sitting in bed with an empty word document open in front of him. Even though it was nearing noon he still hadn't changed from his night time clothes and a headache was building at his temples from staring at the screen for so long.

The thing was that he could clearly see in his mind each sentence he wanted to write to the point that he could vizualise every word one after the other. It was only when it came to actually moving his fingers to type it out that he froze. All his teachers had always-

"Dude! I think I just found even more proof that def proves that the occult is real!" Virgil exclaimed while barging in through the door.

Virgil's voice was constantly hoarse and he always smelled slightly of coffee and cigarettes even though Janus had never actually seen him smoke. While he carefully closed the door behind him his black bangs hung down in front of his eyes, like if the monster from the ring had short hair, and his overly big hoodie loosely clutched around his shouldero like usual. He always looked like he'd either sprinted away from a tornado just now or hidden away like a mouse for 5 hours.

He was a man who desperately wanted to slouch until he was invisible stuck in the body of a tall, boney and annoyingly noticeable man.

"Ough...I wasn't uhh interrupting you was I?" he asked when he noticed Janus sitting with the word document open.

Janus immediately closed the laptop and threw it aside "most definitely not! In fact I have done absolutely nothing today except for wait for someone to disrupt me"

"Great. Okay so dude I was checking up on some of my normal paranormal sites yeah? And I found this video. Definitive proof I'm telling you"

While Virgil took out his phone to show him Janus moved the blanket on the bed aside to make room for the other man to crawl under. (Like they always had done when they were kids). Though Viv just took an awkward look at Jan before sitting down on the floor with his back leant against the bed so Jan had to lean over his shoulder to see the video.

It was some grainy cctv footage taken of a parking lot during a late night. A seemingly normal person walked past but stopped by a random part of wall far away in the distance. After a few seconds it sort of looked like the person walked through the wall and disappeared.

"See? Ghosts!"

"Oh please, I could manually count the amount of pixels in that video. It's just a trick of the light. Besides Virge your source evaluation is horrible, it could be an edited youtube video for all you know"

"Right. let me just get a peer reviewed paper out about this 20 second video out real quick"

"I'd be one of the peer reviewers if you asked me to" Janus replied with a smile.

"Duh dude. I know you would be. Not like you have anything better to do"

Jan fake gasped "A daring accusation! A proper rude one as well! For your information my schedule is incredibly packed!"

"Yeah yeah" He waved his hand around while rolling his eyes "Anyway, I got an update on that ufo sighting as well"

The morning after Remus had fed he woke up in a groggy haze with his eyes all in blur and with his head feeling like it had been stuffed with cotton. Roman had been sitting beside his bed but as soon as she saw that her brother had woken up she left without even giving him a chance to say anything.

Instead Remy had stayed by his side for the rest of the morning, or the equivalent to morning that hell had. They hadn't asked about the feeding or what had happened afterwards. They had just laid down next to him in bed and started telling him about the latest gossip and drama between the various succubi.

Eventually Remus put on some background music, (an experimental band from the rage circle that used stuff like bones and bottles of piss as instruments), and started making paper-war machines while listening to them talk. He only butted in with a comment or dirty joke every now and then, the important thing was that they knew he was listening.

"Soo like yeah girlie. That's the tea. Their breakup was so messy they both got sent to heaven. Fucking rough. Think that's all for now. Wanna switch?"

"Yayayay! Ranting time"

The friends swiftly changed positions so Remy chose the music (they put their hand against the speaker so they could feel the bass) and Remus set aside his paper makings to focus on rambling and stimming. He began to tell them about the latest torture methods he'd come up with which included showing them the paper models he'd made of the torture devices.

'But like who you torturing?

'Humans! Oh and angels!"

'Not angeeelllss' Remy pouted a little 'They're so cute'

'Your whole brain is a tumor dude'

'Even with a tumor brain i would still be hotter than you.....Also what's a like tumor?'

Remus shone up at the chance to explain 'Well to make a long story longer it was discovered in-'

'Great girl just keep talking just like that' Remy laid down with their head against his chest and closed their eyes with a relaxed smile playing on their lips.

"You can't even read my lips from the- Eh whatever. Imma just keep ranting" He laid his arms around their back and kept talking.

Remy could still remember the sound of Emile's voice but by the time the twins appeared they had long since been deaf. If they focused really hard they could sort of make out an idea of what Remus' voice should be like. The way his chest heaved in for heavy breaths bretween quick and jumbled sentences. They way his neck and throat moved when he spoke. The amount of lip movement he did.

They liked to think of his voice as shrill and annoying in the best way. His voice should be quite high in constrast to Roman's deeper though just as expressive voice.

It took Remus poking at them several times for them to actually open their eyes again and to their happy surprise they saw that Emile had come back. They could read on his lips that he said "The new puppy hell hounds were so precious! You two really have to go see them later"

"Sup slut" Remy greeted while wrapping their hand around their partner's tie to bring him closer.

"Hi honey" He gave them a quick kiss before letting himself be pulled down beside them. Remus immediately showed him the war machines he'd made out of paper and Emile complimented the creativity of it all.

Emile laid his hand against the speaker and felt the bass of the music his lover had choosen. He knew one of Remy's favorite things still was music (no matter how many times demons made snarky jokes about how ironic it was) so whenever his lover put something on he at least tried to 'listen' to it in the same way they did. He let himself feel the instruments pump up from his hand into the rest of his body and let the words being sung melt into melodies of the bass.

'I like this song'

'Yeah duh babe. It's Carly Rae Jepsen, you always like love her....As should everyone'

'I think I saw some demons in the uhmm....whichever ring it was, it sounded similar to hers'.

Remus started to smack his tail against the ground out of boredom as he noticed the couple zoning out into their own little conversations.

It was like watching an old married couple that had slowly grown entangled into each other. Lungs and bones slowly morphing together over the years. Sometimes Remus caught Remy humming on cartoon intros even though they couldn't name the cartoon if asked and even though Emile prefered not to eat or drink he still argued that decaf was the worst kind of coffee one could ever drink whenever it was brought up.

Unlike the succubi Emile didn't have a tail nor the ability to conjure wings. His horns were shiningly light pink and frayed at the ends as if small thorns were protuding out. His skin was so dark it made his smile look like stars in the night sky while his clothes were always in light shades of orange, brown and pink making him look like he was stuck in an outwashed version of the 60s.

He was "Like sooo much man. A lot of man" as Remy put it and when asked said he'd worked as an earth observer some half century and a bit ago which was why he knew so much about humans....Well knew and knew. He'd spent most of his time observing the rise of Disney, Hanna Barbera and animated films and had gotten really into psychology and medicine after having a nasty walk in with Sigmund Freud at a party. He still argued that Remy had been the inspiration for the Sleepy dwarf in Snow white.

"Hi Ro-Ro!" Emile waved as he saw Roman come into the sleeping quarters.

She gave the tiniest of waves back to him before adverting her eyes as far away from her brother as she could. The other three demons watched as she basically jogged past to get to her bed.

"There he comes"

Roman quickly grabbed a change of clothes and jogged out of the room again without even passing another glance to them.

"Aaaand there she goes"

'silent treatment huh' Remy signed to Remus.

'Perfect time to annoy him'

'Pretty sure it's objectivly not' Emile added in.

'What does he know. He goes on and on bla bla bla about how much he enjoys humans' Remus mimicked barfing 'But he's never even eaten enough food to take a shit! I have! I am basically connected to humanity now! The shit is what brings us toge-'.

'Okay gross. Too gross. Go girl. Get outa here'.

There was a mischevious grin on Remus' face as he jumped from the bed and skidadadled out of the room. The couple looked at each other, Emile sighed to which Remy shrugged.

"HeY! Hey! HEY! HEY!" Remus repeated as he ran up alongisde his brother. He kept shouting into her ear even though she did her best to not give any reaction. "Whatcha doing? Where you going? Why you such a pisshat?"

"Can I just get like one day without you" Roman finally replied.

".....Hmmm...Lemme think.....No! Why are you even pissed at me? I didn't even put any bugs in your clothes this time"

Roman stopped midstep and turned to him "I was having a really nice time you know, until I felt you being all miserable and had to come get you because you can't do the job we are literally created for"

"I didn't ask you to come get me??? Dude?? You're blaming me for your own shit"

"Was I just supposed to-" Roman took a deep breathe and looked away again. His hands started to fix the ends of his shirt to have something to distract himself "I'm not gonna do this today! I'm not! I have a really nice dinner with a historian planned and he will listen to me when I gush about historic eras and it will be good and nice and then we're going to see a broadway show and I won't let you destroy that for me!....Bitch!"

"A date with a human" Remus let up into a toothy grin "Sounds a bit patton-ish to me"

"Don't! I am not breaking any rules! I love human culture! I've never loved a single specific human and you know that! Don't you compare me that- that traitor!"

"It's more fun if I do though"

Roman kept walking towards the door to earth "I'm not letting you do this today!"

"You're no fun!" Remus yelled back as his brother slammed the door shut behind him.

"I think it should be ethically okay for me to shoot people with an eye laser if they stare at me for too long" Janus muttered out.

He and Virgil were sitting in the corner of the college classroom as hidden away as possible while listening to a lecture on philosophy. Viv had managed to pull Jan out of bed with the threat that he would definitely get failed at this class if he didn't at least show up physically every now and then.

If Virgil wasn't taking notes he either got anxious about forgetting anything important later, or worse, the teacher getting mad at him. Even though he was an adult man who shouldn't get anxious about not meeting the expectations of authority figures. Honestly Viv's obsessive note taking was probably half the reason Janus was still getting through his classes.

An essay should have been turned in to this class a week ago which Janus hadn't even though he could recite it nearly perfectly in his brain.

"A simply lie would do don't you think. College professors are usually nice like that. Not like our middle school teachers" Janus continued to mutter.

"Dude you were just taking the piss to see how far your lying could get you"

"And it got me some very nice stars in my margin! Thank you very much!"

Janus sent his friend a leering smile to which Virgil just rolled his eyes in return.

"Maybe I should have just let you fail this class as well" Viv teased.

"Aw but you loooove me" He made kissy noises while moving to lean his head against his friend's arm but Virgil scooted further away before he could.

The class ended and Virgil sat back and begrudingly watched as Janus hurried to the front of class to talk to the professor. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop Jan even if he tried.

After just a minute or so Janus returned "I got an extension time of two weeks. I told him my poor mum had caught a bad case of tubercolous and I had been faaar too busy taking care of her to have time to finish the essay"

"Your mum is rolling in her grave"

"If we have the same genetics I am quite sure she is cheering me on actually. I'm just the most innocent man there ever was"

"You wanna go to the library and work on it with me? I have thought of the perfect path of getting from here to the library while still stopping by a shop to get coffee While being seen by the least people AND the coffee shop allows app orders. It's a lifesaver"

"Would love to because there is certaintly no chance in the slightest that I will keep procrastinating"

"Obviously dude. Procrastination are what libraries are for"

Remus thought once again what humans flesh must taste like. The only time he'd taken a step into a library or ever used a human phone were both times to try and look up what it would taste like.

He thought about the blood spilling out and the veins bursting. He thought about the skin ripping open and giving way to fat and bone. He thought about if that could feed him instead of having to do this stupid fucking succubus shit.

The human had requested oral sex and he'd obliged even though he vastly prefered doing as little as possible because then he could zone out and think about something more pleasant. He had his mouth around the human's genitalia and the image of him twisting his teeth and ripping their genitalia away filled his mind.

He hated the feeling of the human's hands grabbing him. He hated their stupid hotel rooms and their stupid cars constantly making noise and the stupid fan in the background and the stupid overly bright lights and the stupid fuzzy carpets and the stupid perfume they wore and he hated it he hated it hated it. He didn't understand how Roman could love any of this. Any of them.

Bile filled his throat before the human filled it. He choked and sputtered and pushed away to spit it out on the fuzzy carpet. The human requested something else and he followed along. Selfish selfish beings always wanting more. It made their job too easy.

The human was wearing a cross necklace and when it touched his skin it burned. He gnarled like a wounded animal but the human didn't notice. He wished he could hurt them, even just a little. Like how they always pulled his hair and dragged their nails across his skin and spat and slapped and choked. God, sometimes he thought maybe being sent to heaven would be worth it if he just got to mutilate one of them.

The human was long gone when Roman entered the hotel room. He looked around for his brother but all he saw was a messy bed and an emptied out mini fridge. His brother must have forged himself on everything, including the plastic wrappers containing the candy. He nearly stepped on a piece of broken glass and groaned as he realized Remus had attempted to crush and eat a bottle again.

"Dukey I already told you that it isn't safe to eat glass or plastic!" She called out to the empty room before deciding to look in the bathroom.

She pushed the door aside and it gave way so easily it nearly fell from it's hinges. Her brother was sitting slumped over in the bathtub with the water up to his ankles and only his socks on. He was repeatedly lighting matches before throwing them in the water to see them fizzle out. Dozens upon dozens of matches were floating like dead fish in the bathtub.

"..Hey" Roman's voice softened if just a little.

Remus turned to her and his eyes were glassy and his face red. A piece of his hair was missing, probably burnt away by one of the matches. She knew what kind of night this would be.

"Let's get you cleaned up" Ro said before putting his arms under his brother's armpits to try and pull him up from the bathtub. Even though he got grossed out by angels he conjured just the tiniest of wings to help give him the strenght needed to pull Remus to a half stand at least. "I would prefer if I didn't have to be your knight in shitty armor all the time you know"

Remus slurred something out about flesh and Roman tried not to reel at the heavy scent of alcohol. He really had emptied the full fridge. She also did her best to not gag at how greasy and sweaty his hair was even when it got pressed against her nice historically accurate corset.

She tried to make him put on his clothes again but gave up as he slumped over like a ragdoll every time she didn't activly hold him up with all her strenght. She settled on putting her coat around him and hoped he wouldn't get too cold.

There was a wound on his hand that blistered and bubbled. Roman got the urge to hug him but reminded himself that Remus was an adult who had to learn his actions had consequenses and that he couldn't be coddled all the time.

"How many times are you going to burn yourself you stUPID-" She stopped herself when her speech turned into a yell and took a deep breathe "You know what happens! You don't have to experiment about it anymore! It's just the same wound every time! I'm going to have to drag you to Emile to get you patched up now! Are you happy!? Do you just want to give me another headache!? Why can you never make yourself sober once you're drunk! You neVER-"

She got close to yelling again and decided it was best to just not speak too much. She held her arm around his shoulders while muttering the phrase to open the door to hell.

".....Even if I don't always like you....I still love you.....You're aware of that right?" She mumbled out while helping him forward.

He just let out another slurred sentence about flesh.

"I get worried someone has put a hex on me late at night when I can't sleep y'know? I know it's illogical but it still gives me the hibbie jibbies" Virgil said.

"'Hibbie jibbies' huh? If I had the chance to hex someone I would do it. No hesitation" Janus replied.

It was close to 3 am and they were using one of the college's shared bathrooms as a make-do hair salon. Viv was standing leant over with his head in the sink. At the top of his head his naturally golden blonde hairhad started to peak through so he had to destroy it as quick as possible. Janus was sitting on the sink counter and had plastic gloves on to help massage the black hair dye into Virgil's hair.

"Who would you hex if you could?"

Janus without any second to think immediately said "Billionares. World leaders. Those sorts of people"

"Fair. Fair"

"Dear you're gonna get black dye on your hoodie if you don't-"

Virgil flinched away as Janus moved to lower his hoodie. He backed off so quickly black dye dripped down from his wet hair onto the entire sink.

His hair hung in thick bangs over his eyes as he spat out "It's fine! I got like 20 of these hoodies" He let out a yawn to seem nonchalant "Can you help me out with that" He waved at the now stained sink "I have to shower this out"

"...Sure"

Janus watched as his friend went into one of the showers and drew the sickly blue curtain between them. His bare ankles could still be seen with his light blonde leg hair peeking through. His veins were so noticeable through his pale skin and Janus got stuck watching the way the muscles in his feet moved and how the skin stretched over the bones as he undressed. He stuck his arm out from the curtain and held out his hoodie and boxers.

"Could you ta-"

"No problem" Janus interrupted while taking the clothes.

He folded the hoodie before using all of the paper left in the paper dispenser to try and clean the hair dye stains away. The sound of the shower running filled the room.

Correlation does not imply causation. Janus knew that very well and yet in moments like these he couldn't help but think that a distance had started growing between him and Virgil ever since he came out as gay. The last thing Jan wanted was his straight (and only) friend to get all paranoid over him making a move. The last thing he wanted was to lose him.

Janus and the notoriously straight Virgil are now open for asks!

#btw remus pessimistic view on humanity isnt mine #i think humans are inherently good :D hes just an asshole #sanders sides #thomas sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #remile #emily picani #remy sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #what if you were an asexual succubus wouldnt that be fucked up or what #tss

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naminethewriter · 1 year

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The Picani Praxis

Seventh Part of the Remus and His Daughter Series

Masterpost | ⬅First | ⬅Previous | Next➡ (someday)

Here on Ao3

Summary: Remus and Lilith head to their therapy appointments and have some time to chat with receptionist Remy.

Content Warnings: Therapy appointments, Remus curses in German once, References to Child Neglect and Child Abuse

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The alarm Remus had set before their nap woke both him and Lilith without problem and they agreed that their nap made them feel better. However, they didn’t have any more time to relax since their appointment was steadily approaching. Both made a quick trip to the bathroom before gathering the little things they needed. Soon they were sitting in the car, this time with Lilith in the passenger seat.

The drive to the Praxis was a bit longer than the way to school, around half an hour. The two used this opportunity to raise their mood by listening to a CD of Remus’ favorite German band Rosenstolz. He sang along to each song while Lilith joined in whenever she could. They barely noticed the time go by and soon Remus parked the car at their destination.

“Ready?” he asked once the motor was off, and the music ended. Lilith took a deep breath before nodding.

“Yeah.”

Remus smiled at her and left the car. Lilith followed him. They had to walk another small distance during which Lilith clung to Remus’ hand. Despite having done this so many times before, she was still nervous. Remus couldn’t blame her, so was he. He squeezed her hand as they arrived at the praxis, and he opened the door to let them in.

The praxis had a joined reception desk between two hallways. The left lead to Emile Picani’s waiting room, the right to his brother’s, Louis Picani. Emile, the older of the two, specialized in solo and couples therapy for adults while Louis worked with children and families. Most would expect it to be the other way around after first meeting the two, but after getting to know them both it will become apparent that it works better for them the way things are.

The receptionist that watched them enter from behind his desk was well know by both Remus and Lilith. He wore his trademark leather jacket and sunglasses and gave them a lazy grin. Lilith lit up once she saw him, finally letting go of Remus’ hand and running over to him.

“Remy!” she laughed, rounding the desk. Remy, who till that point had his feet propped up on the desk, sat up properly and swiveled his chair to greet her.

“I see the royals are back once again and on time as usual. Never heard of being fashionably late before?” He grinned at Remus while pulling Lilith up to sit in his lap.

“Normally I’d agree with you, but these appointments are too important and pricey to willingly lose time on,” Remus shrugged, leaning against the front of the desk, watching how happy his daughter looked.

“You’re being reasonable. Gross.” Remy made a face which caused Lilith to start giggling. Remy grinned and hugged her close for a moment before lifting her and setting her on his desk. “Well, I’ll notify Em, he should be just about ready to greet you, but Lou’s got a crier, so he’ll need a few to calm that down.”

“Kacke. We can wait, no problem,” Remus said, grimacing. He hated listening to kids crying, they should be living their best lives and not yet care about how shitty the world could be. But that would be a perfect world, so the best he could do was provide his own daughter the help she needed to get back to that carefree view of the world.

“Thanks babe.” They fell into silence as Remy informed Emile of Remus’ arrival. “Anything new happen? You know I love gossip,” Remy grinned once he was done. Remus snorted.

“You first.”

“I know I’m interesting, babe, but I asked first. You give me some info and I might just share some of mine.”

“Should’ve hidden the ring better then.”

Remy flinched, hiding his hands beneath the desk. Remus grinned and wriggled his eyebrows at him.

“You’re too damn perceptive, Prince,” Remy pouted. “But it’s true,” he continued with a big, dramatic sigh not a moment later, “Em popped the question last week.” He pulled his hands back into the open, showing off the black ring with a pink stripe in the middle that sat on his left ring finger. Remus inspected it before eyeing Remy.

“And you said yes? I thought you weren’t ready yet.”

Remy sighed and fiddled with the ring.

“I’m not. This isn’t really an engagement ring. Em said he’s not expecting anything from this. He just wanted to express his commitment to our relationship. He’d love to get married, because of course he does, but we don’t have to if I don’t want to. Basically, it is just his sappy way to deepen our relationship without actually changing anything.” Remy’s voice carried an annoyed but incredibly fond tone and Remus was once again just a bit jealous of their relationship despite knowing how complicated it was.

“You’re simping,” Lilith suddenly chimed in. Remus started cackling while Remy stared at her very much offended.

“Rude,” he chided lightly while smiling at her. She smiled back.

“So,” Remy continued once Remus wasn’t laughing as much anymore. “I shared so now’s your turn. What kind of gossip did you bring me?”

Remus, who had sobered up completely by then, just shrugged.

“Nothing juicy, sorry.”

“Boo!” Remy called, pointing his finger at him accusingly. “You can’t tell me nothing at all happened in the last two weeks!”

“Well, stuff happened, but nothing you’re interested in, I’d guess.”

“Try me.”

“No seriously, there’s nothing–“

“We met Spider and Dog,” Lilith interrupted, staring at her feet that she was swinging back and forth. Remy raised an eyebrow.

“You trying to keep secrets from me, Prince? I’m highly offended.”

“It’s just…” Remus sighed. “It’s complicated and I don’t know how I feel about it yet. I wanted to talk with Emile about it before anything else. You’ll get a bigger update next time, alright?”

“I’ll better,” Remy tried to sound jokingly threatening but was distracted by a noise from his computer. “You’re lucky Em’s ready. Go away.”

“Now who’s rude?” Remus chuckled before turning to Lilith. “You’re good to wait here with Remy until the issue with the doc is resolved?” She nodded but didn’t look up and Remus pressed a quick kiss against her head before moving towards Emile’s office.

Lilith watched him leave, chewing on her lip.

“Something wrong, princess?” Remy asked, watching her carefully. She shrunk into herself.

“Did I say too much?” she asked, voice quiet. Remy sighed.

“Maybe. But he isn’t mad. You’re a kid, it’s your job to annoy your guardian.” Lilith hummed but stayed quiet otherwise. Remy didn’t push, checking his Instagram to give her time to think.

“Remy?” she piped up eventually.

“Yeah?”

“How long did it take you to call your mother ‘mom’?”

That made him pause. He put down his phone and studied her expression. She seemed serious. Since he could still hear the other kid crying faintly down the hallway, he assumed they’d have enough time for him to tell the story. He took a deep breath.

“As I’ve told you before, Dad married Mom around two years after the woman who gave birth to me left. She brought along her son, my stepbrother Thomas, and while I got along with the two just fine, I didn’t feel like I fit in with them. Dad was happier than I’ve ever seen him before, Mom was just very different from what I knew, and Thomas was a good kid. It felt like they would be better off if I wasn’t there. I was sure Dad would forget about me once he got used to his new, his “perfect” family.” Remy shrugged at Lilith. “I was thirteen and had already abandoned by one parent, how was I supposed to know it wouldn’t just happen again?

“I decided that I would pull away first, make things easier for them. I hung out with my friends, almost never went home after school and instead got back as late as possible. Mom and Dad didn’t intervene, I’m sure they thought it was my way to handle the situation and would come around or something. I started smoking at fourteen and had my first beer at fifteen. I started spiraling and my parents found out when I started skipping school more often than I went. At first Dad tried sitting me down and getting me to talk about my problems. Said he’d always be there for me. I didn’t believe him.

“After that Dad made an effort to include me more in family activities but I used invitations from friends as excuses to get out of it. Worked most of the time. Mom didn’t get involved other than telling me that she would love to spend more time with me. A few years ago, she told me that she didn’t feel like she had the right to tell me what to do.” Remy sighed, fiddling with the ring on his finger. Lilith watched him, biting her lip.

“The excuses didn’t work forever, of course. Dad asked more and more questions about my friends, where they lived, what we were doing all the time. We started fighting a lot. Thomas started avoiding me at that point and even if I was the one trying to push them away, I can still remember how much that hurt. I acted out more and more, even when Dad grounded me, I’d just snuck out.

“The last drop that made the barrel overflow was me coming home high. Mom got really angry. Yelled at both me and Dad, about how bad we were treating each other and that she wouldn’t just stand around and watch us tear each other down anymore.

“I asked her why she even bothered, she wasn’t my mother, she didn’t have to care about me. You know what she said?” Remy asked Lilith, peering over the rim of his sunglasses. She shook her head.

“She agreed. Said that she hadn’t acted like a mother to me because she thought I didn’t want her to – which of course was true but that hardly mattered – and that she didn’t have to care about me but that she wanted to. Even if I didn’t see her as family, she saw me as hers and she didn’t like seeming me doing so badly.”

Remy paused, giving Lilith a moment to take in what he’d said. They crying down the hall had stopped.

“I pretty much broke down after that,” Remy continued. “I couldn’t understand how she could care about me more than my own mother” – he made a face as if calling her that caused a bitter taste in his mouth – “even though I’ve been nothing but cold to her.”

A door opened down the right hallway and voices could be heard coming closer.

“Wait a sec, princess, I’ll finish in a minute.”

After a few short moments, three people emerged from the hallway. One was Dr. Louis Picani, Lilith’s therapist, a man of medium height with brown hair, glasses, and a pastel outfit. The other adult was a woman and holding onto her hand was a boy, maybe one or two years older than Lilith. His face was red and puffy, and he was still sniffling slightly.

“Well then, I will see you next week, Peter, alright?” Dr. Louis said, crouching down to be on the same height as the boy. The kids nodded and mumbled something that Lilith and Remy couldn’t make out. The doctor smiled in response and ruffled his hair before standing up again. The woman thanked him and wished them all a good rest of the day before she left. Once the door closed behind the two, Dr. Louis turned around.

“I’m sorry for the wait, Lilith,” he said with an apologetic smile. “We can take a little more time later in exchange since you are my last visitor for today.” He furrowed his brow and looked to Remy. “She is, right?”

Remy snorted but nodded. “Yeah, she is.”

“Good, good.” Louis glanced back towards his office for a moment before looking back at Lilith. “I need to clean up a few things, can you wait a little longer?” he asked her.

“Okay.”

“Wonderful! I’ll hurry, I promise.” With quick steps he vanished back down the hallway. Once they heard the door fall close behind him, Remy shook his head.

“What would those two do without me?” Lilith giggled and Remy smirked before taking on a more serious expression. “To finish answering your question:

“I didn’t call her ‘mom’ until the day I moved out when I was nineteen. I was afraid of what she’d think and so I chose the moment when I wouldn’t see her again for months so I could act like it never happened if things went south.”

Lilith nodded in understanding.

“How did she react?”

“She started crying,” Remy said, a fond smile on his face. “Hugged me and didn’t let go for like five minutes.” Silence hang in the air for a moment. Then Remy looked at Lilith with an emphatic expression. “If you’re asking because of Remus, then don’t worry. He doesn’t need you to call him anything specific, he knows what he means to you.”

“But I’m supposed to call him ‘dad’, aren’t I? It’s the normal thing to do but I can’t because me brain is stupid!” She punched the desk next to her. Her eyes filled with frustrated tears. Remy pulled her back into his lap and hugged her tight.

“Look, Lils, nothing about your current situation or mine back then is normal. Which sucks because we deserved to have a carefree childhood just like anyone else and it’s not our fault things turned out the way they did but we can’t change the past either. You will struggle with stuff that others find come naturally to them but that’s fine. Honestly, I think Remus might even prefer you not calling him dad, you know he has issues with his own father.” He eased his hold on her and turned her so he could look in her eyes, his sunglasses pushed up.

“You’re making great progress and Remus and you have found a way to live comfortably with each other. Don’t try to force change before you’re ready for it, okay? It will just make things harder for both of you.” Lilith sniffed but nodded. Remy smiled and pulled out a handkerchief for her to dry her tears. The door down the hallway opened again.

“Now, talk with Louis about it. I’m sure he has even better advice for you than me.”

“You already helped a lot. Thanks, Remy.” She hugged him tight one more time before jumping off his lap and heading towards Louis’ office.

“No problem, princess,” Remy smiled, looking after her.

#namiswriting #my writing #Remus and His Daughter #The Picani Praxis #ts remus #remus sanders #lilith prince #ts remy #remy sanders #louis picani #human!au #therapy appointments #references to child neglect #references to child abuse #sanders sides #fanfiction #reblogs are appreciated

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scenecipriano · 2 years

Note

"do you think.. we can go back to what we were?" Wiiiith...Roman and Emile? ^.^

good ol' Pricani love it

Pricani/Romile; Human AU

--------------------

When Roman saw the pink-haired man in the coffee shop he thought he was seeing a ghost. He still had the same round wire-frame glasses and the beige cardigan that was given to him during their first Christmas together.

Roman didn't have to be close to know the man was enjoying a hot chocolate, he was never one to drink coffee. The man looks up before Roman can force himself to take his eyes away.

The way the man smiles sends butterflies in Roman's stomach just like it had all those years ago.

"Roman! It's so good to see you!"

His acknowledgment gave Roman all he needed to approach the pink-haired man.

"Emile! Wow, you haven't changed a bit. How long has it been? Six years?" He asks as he takes the seat across from him.

Emile laughs, it's so deep and hearty that it brings a flush to Roman's face.

"Yeah, it has! How's New York been treating you? I heard from Remus that you've starred in some serious productions."

A shame that his twin brother kept more in touch with his ex than he did. Of course, Remus was dating Emile's younger brother Patton.

"Ah, yeah... Yeah, it's been amazing. I'm taking a break from the spotlight though, and might even move back to Iowa. How was Stanford? Patton said you moved back last year, I'm sorry it took me so long to come to visit."

Emile smiles and trails his finger over the rim of his coffee cup, Roman can't help but notice the smudge of chapstick on the lid.

"It was nice... much warmer there than it is here that's for sure. And that's completely fine! It's hard for a broadway star to get free time, but I've opened my own business! I got my Ph.D. in psychology!"

Roman blinks his blue eyes in surprise, "Wow! What happened to being a vet?"

Emile chuckles and shakes his head.

"I actually flunked the prerequisites, and psychology was always my secret backup."

Roman nods, and he takes the moment to silently watch Emile. In the past six years, not much has changed about him.

"I've missed you..." Emile speaks up.

Roman blushes before lowering his head, they were a couple that others were jealous of. Only for fate to turn them into a modern-day Romeo and Juliet just minus the double suicides.

"Do... Do you think we can go back to what we were?" Roman quietly asks.

He looks up when Emile grabs his hand, that same smile that made him fall in love six years ago on the younger man's face.

"I don't know... but I wouldn't mind trying."

#sanders sides #roman sanders #dr emile picani #patton sanders mentioned #remus sanders mentioned #human au #pricani #romile #writing prompt

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blackoutbugza · 4 months

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you will not ever be able to convince me this stupid little shit doesn’t have human sentience

extra thing under cut

characters: mr fuzzy, virgil’s spider, remus’s shoulder eyeball, and 15y/o dr. picani’s pet rock he used to watch cartoons with. :)

#sanders sides #ts sides #mr fuzzy sanders sides #ts mr fuzzy #remus sanders #thomas sanders #my art #fanart #side characters #sasi #sasi art

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prodigal-explorer · 5 months

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my roleplay information/application!

hey guyssss, so like i'm kinda desperate for rp partners so i'm just gonna try my luck here and see if any of y'all are interested in rping with me! feel free to read through this information and message me if you are interested!! as long as you meet my requirements, i would love to rp with you!!

basic information

i am 18 (19 in a few weeks) and i'm okay rping with any age, but i will not rp anything relating to nsfw with a minor. not even implied nsfw, it's just very uncomfortable. but if you're 18+, i'll rp anything on this list with you!

i only rp semi-lit/descriptive. this means at least five sentences, detailed responses that aren't just surface level. it's hard to respond to stuff that's lazy, so please please please just put in the effort if you want high quality responses in return!

the fandoms i roleplay are sanders sides, undertale, your turn to die, and omori. i dabble in oc rp, but it's not very common for me since i don't really have many ocs that i like enough to rp with.

my favorite types of roleplay are heavy angst and whump. i love really dark concepts, and it's rare that i won't do something that's dark and angsty. i struggle with concepts that are just fluff because i prefer rps with a lot of conflict and struggle.

my only triggers are constant discussion about body type/comparing body types and descriptive talk of medical needles. other than that i will do literally anything lol.

i am filipino-american, audhd, physically disabled, and i love to incorporate these aspects of my identity into the characters i play. if you don't like that, we probably won't make very good rp partners.

i hate hate HATE poking. please don't remind me of the rp after ten minutes of me not responding. please don't remind me of the rp after ten HOURS of me not responding. i know it exists, i just need time to reply. if you nag me about responding, i probably will wait even longer to reply because it's intimidating.

i love to chat oorp! feel free to leave a silly message, even if it has nothing to do with rp!

scroll all the way to the bottom of the post if you want to see writing examples!! below are just specific tidbits of information pertaining to each fandom i rp!

sanders sides specific information

the main side i love to play is roman. i will always want to play roman in every single tss rp, he's just me, he's my number one homie, my favorite character of all time.

i can also play any of the other sides, but my characterization for them is not as solid as roman.

i don't really like patton in roleplays unless he's a minor character or an antagonist/villain. i am very good at playing patton as a villain, but i don't really like playing him in any other context. i have so many aus where patton is a villain or antagonist, so if that's your jam, you've come to the right place!

i will do mindscape or human aus, i love both!

i am okay with ocs but i will not do canon side x female oc. it just makes me very uncomfortable to ship sides with female characters.

some of my favorite ships are roceit, prinxiety, logince, anaroceit, analogical, intrulogical, and loceit.

the only ships i WILL NOT do are moxiety, royality, moceit, logicality, intruality, and remrom. every other ship, i'm completely okay with.

i love rping as remy or emile picani!!

i have SO MANY IDEAS for this fandom. like literally hundreds of aus. so please message me if you want to rp anything with angst, or drama, or anything like that because i have SO MUCH.

undertale specific information

so fun fact i'm actually kind of bad at undertale rp.

it's not that i'm awful i just don't have a lot of experience, but i'm working on it!

the main characters i like to play are papyrus, undyne, alphys, toriel, asgore, and gaster.

i can also play asriel/flowey, sans, frisk, mettaton, grillby, and chara if necessary.

i am totally fine with ocs, bring them on!

i don't really like rps with the au sans stuff? nothing against it, i just don't really know much about it and in the nicest way possible i don't really care. i prefer to stick with canon and prequel/sequel aus instead of aus that change up the characters' personalities and stuff.

my favorite undertale au of all time is handplates i have so many thoughts about it and i would love to rp it!

i love angsty rps but undertale is actually one of the only fandoms where i love to rp fluff for it. undertale is just such a goofy game and i love emulating that style of humor in rp!

ships i enjoy are soriel, papyton, alphyne, sansby, and whatever the ship name for alphys x gaster is?

the only undertale ships i WILL NOT rp are anything involving the child characters (frisk, chara, asriel, monster kid), and anything that ships undyne with a guy. i'm also not a huge fan of asgore x toriel but i'll do it if you really want me to!

your turn to die specific information

i am so new to rping in this fandom but i really want to anyway!! trust, i know all the lore, i just need some solid experience!

my favorite characters to play are jou, reko, nao, gin, kai, shin, hiyori, and sara.

i will play q-taro, mishima, or alice if necessary!

i am very bad at keiji, i don't think i can play him well.

i love canon and au roleplays equally! i would love to do either way!

i like pretty much all the ships, it would be easier to list ships i don't like.

i don't like any ships that involve the little kids (kanna, gin, hinako), any ships with a huge age gap (especially sara x keiji), and shin x hiyori. it's just...no.

omori specific information

i am very new to the fandom, so please have mercy on me if i get something wrong lol!

my favorite characters to play are kel, hero, aubrey, and mari!

i can play sunny if necessary.

i will not play basil. i actually don't like basil being present in roleplays, he's just a character i personally dislike. i'm fine with him showing up occasionally as a minor character, but i just don't like him being a big part of roleplays.

i will roleplay canon and aus! i love both! but bear in mind i am a bit more hesitant to rp ships in canon, but in aus i have zero reservations!

my favorite ships are anything involving sunny, kel, and aubrey being together, but my number one otp is hero x mari!

the only ships i WILL NOT do are ships that have basil in them, especially basil x sunny or basil x kel. they just don't sit right with me personally.

i don't really know much about the minor characters of the game...i might need a bit of guidance if you want to use a character that isn't a part of the main six! but i am completely fine with it as long as you're okay with me being a bit clueless.

writing samples!!!

The streets were soft, the dusty sidewalks concealed by powdery snow that made Brooklyn look like a wedding. Roman stepped lightly, wondering how high he would have to hold himself to keep his foot from sinking in the snow, ruining the shiny white blanket that protected his bare feet from the cruel asphalt.

His book remained tucked under his jacket, as if it needed protection from the biting wind. Roman didn’t think it was possible for something that carried such beautiful notions and ideas to be unfeeling, so he acted as though there was a beating heart somewhere between the pages. Nobody had ever told him there wasn’t one, so what was the harm in believing if it made the sky feel brighter, and the air feel warmer, and the world feel more connected?

When he came back to the small, tucked-away alley that he and his brothers were currently living in, he was happy to see a little fire that he could warm himself beside while he opened his new book, aching to see what was inside.

"Protect...me?"

Roman was unfamiliar. He was always used to protecting other people. He was tall, graceful and beautiful. Couldn't really throw a punch, but he had a way with his words that could get him absolutely anything he wanted. Including peace. He was used to standing between bullies and victims, seducing with his sweet smile and long eyelashes. Making anybody feel like they've been blessed just looking at him. With his parents always gone, and nobody to hold him during nightmares, Roman had gotten used to holding himself. But now, he just wanted to be protected so badly. He wanted to be truly loved by somebody besides himself.

"Okay..." he whispered, "Okay."

"Oh! Do you guys want to go to that restaurant across the street?" Patton asked, "We performed so well tonight, I think we all deserve a treat! Virgil, you hit that syncopation perfectly, and Janus, that riff was amazing! The crowd went wild for us! Drinks will be on me, as long as you all promise not to drink too much. I'll be the designated driver too. What do you say??"

Of course, this invitation was not extended to Logan. Patton didn't even notice Logan in the area, assuming that he was off sweeping the stage or packing up the van. Patton was the one who decided what everybody did, and he usually gave Logan the grease-work like that. He didn't really care very much about Logan, just because Logan wasn't as close to the group. There wasn't that bond of performing show after show, having fans that requested autographs, being followed and gushed over by paparazzi.

Since Logan was never onstage, nobody knew the face or identity of the man who wrote the songs that all these fans were so crazy about. And Patton sort of preferred it that way. He didn't really like the idea of Logan being a face of their band. Unlike Janus and Virgil, Patton wasn't sure how the public eye would recieve Logan. The man wasn't remotely ugly, but he was rather plain-looking. He tended to blend into the background of the rooms he occupied. He wasn't the type of look one would expect to be in a hugely successful band.

All the others had their "niche". Patton was the sweetheart, the nice one, the innocent one. Virgil was the quiet, brooding, mysterious one. And Janus was the charmer, able to seduce anyone with a wink and a smile. What was Logan? He didn't talk very much, he wasn't particularly nice, brooding, or seductive. Patton didn't like that Logan didn't exactly have an archetype. He didn't quite fit in.

Roman tilted his head with a polite smile and an appropriate amount of interest as Logan disclosed his name. It was nothing familiar to him, but he did think it was a beautiful-sounding name. He always loved when people's first and last names started with the same letter. It felt like a name out of a fairy-tale when it had that feature.

Listening to what Logan was saying, Roman couldn't help but go red, very embarrassed. He was bad at English, but he certainly wasn't stupid. He could tell that Logan was euphemizing heavily in order to preserve Roman's feelings, which made Roman both embarrassed that Logan felt the need to do this, and honored that Logan cared so much about how he felt. It was a really sweet gesture, honestly.

"You write music too?" he asked, very curious. "I would love to sing a song by you wrote. You will...pay me? Money?"

Roman wondered if Logan was offering him a job, or just wanting to have a jam session as friends and colleagues. He would be happy with either option, but he wanted to manage his expectations there and then, so there would be less awkwardness from false assumptions.

Roman looked at it and smiled as he read through the lyrics, his eyes carefully scanning from left to right as he ingested each lyric. His smile only grew.

"It is okay," he said, "I like messy handwriting. It means...it means your brain moves fast, and your hand must hurry to follow. I like this song. I think...I want to sing it. Do you want me to sing here? In front of everyone?"

Roman would definitely be willing to give Logan's song some publicity. And he adored the thrill of singing a song for the first time in front of a whole crowd of people. Roman wasn't the type to get stage fright. The more risky a performance was, the more excited he was to try and execute it. Roman had a bit of a shame deficiency, such was obvious with him singing those lyrics he wrote out loud multiple times.

His eyes were shining with enthusiasm, but also, with gratitude. He was thankful to Logan for the opportunity he had to bring this song to life, this brand new song that no one had ever heard before. The idea that its first breath of auditory life would be coming from Roman's own voice was so romantic that it almost made Roman want to sing it right there and then so he wouldn't have to wait anymore.

#roleplay #sanders sides roleplay #undertale roleplay #yttd roleplay #omori roleplay #sanders sides rp #undertale rp #yttd rp #omori rp #sanders sides #thomas sanders #tss #sanders sides fandom #undertale fandom #yttd fandom #omori fandom

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where-are-the-spooky-gays-2 · 28 days

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i wanna join the last name train hahaha

these are from a human AU that only exists in my head

Roman & Remus Kingsley

Patton Amare

Logan Williams

Virgil Ikusaba

Janus Easton

(+ Emile Picani and Remy Valentime) :>

Welcome aboard!!! *choo choo* Y'know I'm starting to see a pattern with your guy's Creativitwins last names I just can't put my finger on it /light hearted /joking /teasing No but in all seriousness I L O V E those I think it really suits them all!!!

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tstwitterupdates · 1 year

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Joining the Sanders Sides x Cartoon Therapy love, I kinda imagine Logan and Picani as 2 sides (hehe) of one coin. Season 1 Logan was shown to enjoy some shows and he was very curious, while Picani is fully embracing the toons and loudness and knowledge. But Logan is shutting that part of himself down (if I remember correctly, due to fear of mocked? Correct me if I'm wrong) and Picani can be described as the human version of "Cringe culture is dead and so I shall be as cringe as I can".

If y'all are right then I want these two to bond and bicker at the same time. Maybe via a toon vs reality debate. -CCS

dude i was literally JUST thinking about this!!

well. not exactly this. what you say is very interesting actually! i love that.

what i was thinking was about picani and logan having much in common.

like this is a theory i have but i think that logan as he is right now is Super detached from thomas. like when thomas saw the duke and said “i don’t identify with anything about him!” i think he’s progressively feeling more like this with logan because what does logan have that thomas want to be or currently is? thomas still likes science and also likes trivia and learning but that’s about it?? thomas seems to care nothing about being a serious organized adult who must be taken seriously, neither now nor in his dreams nor in the future.

so like. i’ve thought what would logan look like if he changed according to thomas’s current personality and let go of the pressure he has to be serious and i think what would happen is that he would embrace that geekiness more. bring out the logan who writes fanfic about star trek and would have a youtube channel pointing out inconsistencies in different kinds of media and, of course, would know a bunch about cartoon’s lore and analyze them all to death AND also somehow turn those analyses into metaphors to learn about his own life? that does sound like what a less inhibited logan.

[send me an ask to logically-asexual if you want to talk more about this stuff lol to not spam the other followers here.]

#anyway sorry i just felt like. speaking.#ask #not a tweet #cartoon therapy #logan sanders

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ts-replicated-au · 1 year

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I'm sorry Kai, that sounds rough. If you're the only one managing the socials, what does everyone else do in the organization?

Well, since we're a small group we kind of all do a bit of everything, but Larry is the one who officially founded the nonprofit, so he gets to be the boss on like, paper. He and Dot are married and handle the more business-y side of things, and Dot in particular is a wizard organizer, so she keeps all the admin stuff sorted out.

Then there's Dr. Picani, who's sort of the co-founder? He and Larry got the idea to start the organization together, and he's the one who knows the most about the science and psychology of clones, which is a big help. He's our biggest asset in terms of educating the public about why clones deserve human rights, besides, you know, basic fucking decency.

Then you've got me and Elliott. I handle the social media and digital side of things, and Elliott is our secret weapon when it comes to scheduling demonstrations and stuff. They've got a...source, let's say, and are able to let us know when and where the most effective protest opportunities present themselves.

But again, we all kinda end up with all our fingers in all the pies. We have a few supporters, but we're the only five who are on this full time. Actually, none of us are on this FULL full time, we all have other jobs to keep our bills paid, except Elliott who's a full time student, and Dot and Larry don't actually get any paycheck like Emile, Elliott and I do.

#ts replicated au #The Plan arc #thomas #larry #dot #emile picani #elliott #kai #cartoon therapy #sanders sides #lore

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stels-sanderssides-au · 8 months

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I've made some MAJOR changes to my au so here's some details that are important

This is a 'human' au. The sides are reincarnations of spirits. And Thomas is there too

It doesn't take place on Earth; it takes place on an alternate Earth called Azeron.

Roman Mixon, she/they trans woman. 36

Remus Mixon, he/him trans man. 36

Patton Liddell, he/she cis man. 35

Virgil Moriarty, he/she/they bigender. 34

Thomas Sanders, he/him, cis man. 34

Nico Flores, any/all cis+. 34

Emile Picani, he/they, cis man. 34

Janus Schrader, she/he/it transfem genderfluid. 31

Remy Smith, ze/hir trans man. 30

Logan Redd, he/it trans man. 29

Roman and Remus are the princess and prince of the country Enteralia.

Virgil is the prince of the country Kora, just north of Enteralia.

Roman and Virgil are married.

Patton and Janus are married.

Logan and Remus are married.

Thomas, Nico, and Remy are all engaged to each other.

Patton and Logan are friends with benefits.

Janus and Remus are dating.

Roman and Remus family members: Terry Mixon (father, deceased), Gina Mixon (mother), Julie Mixon (older sister)

Patton family members: Franklin Liddell (father), Tonya Liddell (mother, deceased), Drew Emily (stepfather), Mildred Liddell (younger sister), Jason Liddell (son)

Virgil family members: Kai Moriarty (father), Karen Moriarty (mother), Veronica Moriarty (older sister)

Janus family members: unknown father, Kira Schrader (mother), Linda Schrader (grandmother, guardian)

Remy family members: Westley Vella (father), Thalia Smith (mother)

Logan family members: Reginald Redd (father), Ashley Redd (mother), Xyler Redd (younger brother), Fran Redd (younger half-sister), Tuesday Redd (younger sibling), Michael Redd (younger half-brother)

Emile is Thomas' twin brother.

Patton had his son Jason with his ex girlfriend Jessica. They have split custody.

Patton has PTSD. His emotional support animal is a pit bull named Lolli.

Janus has fibromyalgia and epilepsy. Her service animal is a golden retriever named Tuck.

Remy is blind. Hir seeing eye dog is a husky named Venti.

Logan has schizophrenia and PTSD. His emotional support animal is a sphinx cat named Lulubelle.

Roman and Remus are Christian

Patton is Jewish

Virgil was raised Christian but has never practiced

Janus is agnostic

Logan was raised Catholic but is atheist due to religious trauma

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idontreallyexistyet · 18 days

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TSS fanfic desc. Pt3/3

Descriptions are under the cut!

explanation— I personally headcanon Patton as transgender, Janus as using They-Them pronouns, and Remus as using any and all pronouns however she will mostly be referred to with She/Her or He/Him to lessen confusion!

In future chapters there will be descriptions of panic attacks, dysphoria, bullying, and references to abusive relationships. Many of these will be based off of Personal experiences so please let me know if anything is misused or written in poor taste!

@oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat

Virgil isn’t sure when he caught the attention of these kids, but now that he has it he can’t seem to lose it. He isn’t sure how to feel about it all things considered, his goal was to keep his head down and grades up and push through these last years of high school without any more incidents. But when the human forms of a Care Bear and a Snake introduce themselves at lunch along with the Robot, the Disney Prince and the Raccoon; they all talk so fast and loud Virgil is already to overwhelmed to remember names, he isn’t sure how to feel. On one hand Picani has been telling him to make friends, that not everyone is out to get him, but on the other hand these are strangers at a new school, there’s no reason for them to be this interested. But this band of misfits looks fun, and they haven’t said one thing about Virgil’s hastily cut and dyed hair, or his frayed hoodies, his anything really. How much harm can a group of neurodivergent kids from high school that he’ll probably never see again do? More than he was prepared for apparently.

#TSS #Sander Sides #Sander Sides Fan Fiction #Virgil Sanders #My writing

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im-an-anxious-wreck · 2 years

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My Name Is Logan Sanders-Miller

AO3 link

Summary: Pictures and the occasional story from his mother. That's all Logan had ever had of his father. Just one little photo album, and painful memories confessed to him in the dark, it wasn't much, but it meant everything to him.

His father hadn't wanted Logan. His mother had said that he took one look at Logan and left. Had there really been something so off putting about him that one glance was all it took to drive his father away?

Logan hadn't even done anything. All it took to make his father leave was just him existing apparently.

So, why the hell was he standing outside Sanders' house? Was he seriously going to ask his father why he didn't want Logan? Was he trying to prove himself to Patton, that he really was good enough and that Patton had missed out? Or maybe prove to himself that his father was shitty and that's why he didn't want Logan…

In any matter, Logan wasn't going to turn back now. This was it.

Knock knock

Warnings: cursing, past alcoholism, like five f-words (probably a new record for the minimum in my fics /j)

Universe: a human au

Perspective/main character: Logan

Side/secondary characters: Patton, Janus

Appear: Remus, Roman, Virgil, female oc (Logan's mother), Thomas

Mentioned: Emile Picani

Romantic relationship: established Moceit

Platonic relationships: Logan & everyone

Word Count: 9,277

Link to my collection of TSS fanworks

This is for the @sandersidesbigbang's event

Find the adorable artwork by @badkatart here and the really cute art by @thecrowslullaby here!

Thanks @aplacesofaraway for beta reading!

Logan knew he didn't want him, he'd known since he was a little child when he'd asked his mother why he didn't have a father like most of the other children. Logan had been devastated to find out that his father hadn't wanted him, but the question of why… that had haunted him.

Why didn't he want Logan? His mother had said that he took one look at Logan and left. Had there really been something so off putting about him that one glance was all it took to drive his father away?

Had it been Logan's blue eyes? Doubtful since he'd gotten those from his father. Was it his dark hair? It's true that neither of his parents had hair as dark as his, instead, he got his dark locks from his maternal grandmother, but surely it couldn't have been because of such a superficial reason as that.

Logan hadn't even done anything. All it took to make his father leave was just him existing, apparently.

But why? What were his exact thoughts when he left?

There was only one way Logan would be able to know, and that was to ask his father himself.

Logan sighed, mentally shaking himself as he looked up to the house he was now standing in front of.

It was a rather nice house, Logan couldn't help but think, with its blue panel siding and white trim. It was on the large side, had two stories, and yellow shutters. The multicoloured flowers were well tended to and the spacious yard was surrounded by a white picket fence. It looked like the perfect family home.

Logan took a deep breath and opened the wide gate. Closing it behind himself, he walked up the path to the white door.

He clutched the small photo album closer to his chest with his left hand and, curling his right, he raised his fist to knock. It just floated above the wood. He took another deep breath but still hesitated.

Was this it?

Logan quickly knocked twice before he could figuratively get cold feet.

Was he actually about to meet his—

The door swung open before Logan could finish the thought. A man dressed in mostly black, and a bit overdressed for a gentle spring day such as this one with his bowler hat, yellow gloves, and caplet, answered the door.

"Yes?"

Logan opened his mouth to answer but shut it again when no sound came out.

The tall man stared at Logan expectedly, dark brown and light brown —almost yellow— eyes seeming to look into Logan's very core. Which was ridiculous, that wasn't even scientifically possible.

The man looked at Logan for another moment before raising an eyebrow.

"Well? You've been staring at my house for a few minutes now. Can I help you with something, child?"

Logan blinked a few times before his brain finally caught up. "Ah, yes, actually, I believe you can." He pushed his glasses farther up his nose. "I'm looking for… Patton Sanders?"

The man's eyebrow only raised farther at that. "And may I ask why you are looking for him?"

Logan was now hugging the album with both arms. "Ah, so you do know him, which means I have the correct address. Excellent. And yes, you may ask that."

The man continued to stare at Logan —was this going to be a recurring thing?— before sighing softly. "Why are you looking for Patton?"

"Well… I have some… information I would like to—"

Another man, whose face Logan had all but memorized from the album, appeared behind the first man's shoulder.

"Who's at the door, honey?" Patton asked the first man.

"I don't know, the kid's looking for you though."

Patton turned to Logan. "Oh, hello! Can I help you with something, kiddo?"

"Um…" Logan cleared his throat. "I hope so. I have some informa—"

"Papa!" A boy about seven ran up to Patton before announcing, "Remus bit me!"

The first man sighed. "I'll take care of it," He said to Patton before calling into the house, "Remus? Why'd you bite your brother?" He led the boy back into the house where Logan could hear Remus arguing farther into the house.

"Sorry about that. Now, what were you saying, kiddo?"

"Well, my mother is Cindy M—"

A teenager came up behind Patton, his purple hair almost completely covering his eyes. "Yo, Pat, why's the Wi-fi not working?" He tapped something on his phone and frowned.

Patton sent an apologetic look to Logan as he told the teen, "I don't know. Ask your dad, sweetie."

"Okay." He looked up from his phone. "Oh, shit, did I interrupt? Sorry."

"Virgil, lang—"

The teen, Virgil, raised an eyebrow and Logan could really see the resemblance between him and the first man who'd answered the door.

Patton sighed. "I know, I know. I— you're alright, maybe see if your dad needs help with the twins though?"

Virgil glanced at Logan again before nodding. "Yeah, alright. I can ask him about the Wi-fi after we get the twins to stop fighting then." He gave a two-fingered salute before disappearing back into the house.

"I'm so sorry about that, but that's everyone so hopefully we won't get interrupted again. What was that about your mom?"

He didn't belong here. There was no way Logan belonged here with this warm, emotional family. They were obviously tight-knit and it's not like Logan was particularly special or useful. And what did he even expect to find? For this man, his… his… for Patton to welcome Logan with open arms?

If he didn't want Logan as a baby, then why would he ever want him now? Especially after seeing how boring, awkward, and socially inept he was.

What a fool Logan had been.

"Uh… kiddo? Are you selling something? ...You don't have to be nervous. Just tell me your spiel… Do kids these days even know what a spiel is?"

Logan went to take a breath but realised he couldn't, which only made it harder to breathe as he panicked.

"Woah, it's alright! Just take a deep breath. You're okay, just take your time."

Logan did his best to do what Patton instructed, even if only to not waste any more of his time.

"Apologies for the inconvenience, I shall be on my— um, my way now."

"You don't have to leave! You haven't even told me your name or why you were looking for me."

"Er, well… my name is Logan."

"Aww, Logan, what a nice name. That's what I would've named a kid if I'd have gotten to name one."

"I— wait, really?"

"Yes, really!" Patton smiled softly. "So, what was that about your mom… I think you said her name was Cin…dy. Um, s— Cindy who?"

"Cindy Ann Miller."

"Oh… and your name is…"

"Logan Sanders-Miller."

"Oh. Oh, geez."

Logan took a few steps back as Patton stepped out onto the porch. Patton shut the door behind himself and sat down on a white bench.

"So you're… Cindy's your mom?"

"She is my biological mother, yes."

"Wow, I— I almost can't believe she even remembered what my favourite baby name was. It's been… wait, how old are you?"

"Twelve, sir."

"You don't need to call me sir. I mean, you're my… my…” He paused. "Why now though? Why didn't she just— why now?"

Logan blinked in surprise. "Did she not tell you of my existence?"

"No, she didn't. I— I would've been in your life if she had. I promise, Logan."

"Oh, I didn't know that she never… she'd said that you… that you didn't want me."

Tears welled up in Patton's eyes, making guilt stab at Logan's chest.

"That couldn't be further from the truth, Logan. It's true that I most likely wasn't ready for parenthood at that time, but I would've learned. I would've learned from, but also for you. I would've been there for you."

"I… I see. That's…"

Patton wiped his eyes and Logan was once again reminded of how out-of-place he was.

"Should I go?"

Patton looked up in surprise. "What? I— no! I mean, if you have anywhere you need to be, then of course. But…" Patton let out a weird laugh. "Sorry, I'm sure I look a mess right now. It's just… a lot to process. Um… oh, does Cindy know you're here?"

"Yes, she found and gave me your address."

"Okay… yeah, okay. That's good." Patton wiped away the last few tears. "Well, that wasn't a very polite welcome on my part!" Patton attempted to joke. He didn't succeed.

"It was adequate in my opinion. You have been far kinder than necessary and asked why I —seemingly randomly— showed up on your doorstep. You could have told me to leave at any point but you didn't, instead, you listened to everything I had to say."

"Aw, thanks, Logan, but that's really the least I could do. I've… geez, I've missed so much. I really do want to be there for you though, I want to get to know you. As long as that's alright with you and your mom of course."

"I… I believe so. She did give me your address and said I could visit if I wanted to."

"I'm not really sure how to put this, but… do you still want to?" Patton looked at Logan with hesitation and… hope?

"Yes, I still want to."

The reaction was immediate, Patton's face figuratively lighting up. "That's great. I… I really am gonna try, Logan. I promise."

"...You want to try?"

"Yes, I do."

"Oh… well… then I shall try as well."

Patton smiled gently at Logan. "Alright. Sounds good— better than good, in fact!"

"Better than good," Logan echoed.

"Hey, it's a Saturday so I know you won't have school, would you like to come inside and meet everyone?"

"Oh…"

"You don't have to, of course! I don't wanna overwhelm you after all. Just giving you the option."

"Ah, well, if it's alright, perhaps some other time? …If there is another time."

"That's just fine! And of course there'll be another ti— I mean, if you want there to be another time. Sorry, I guess I didn't even consider that you might not… I mean, I completely understand if you resent me and decide at any point that you'd rather not see me anymore."

"Oh, that's… when I said 'if there is another time', I meant if you still wanted to meet again after today."

"Oh, I do as long as you do! Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, technically I can think of a few reasons, but mostly I just didn't want to assume. Not everyone wants a random child in their life."

"Yeah, I suppose, but that's not me." Patton huffed lightly. "If anything I love random children in my life, you're the fourth one so far! My husband, Janus, had a son long before we met, and we both adopted the twins a few years ago."

"Ah, I see. What's one more, then?"

"Exactly! …That didn't quite sound right. I'd still want you in my life even if I didn't have Virgil and my sons. I was just trying to say that I'm not new to children rather suddenly appearing."

"Oh…" Logan's chest twisted with some emotion that he couldn't quite place.

"And besides," Patton continued, "You're not just a random child, you're my random child!"

"But that doesn't— wait, was that a Kung Fu Panda reference?"

Logan couldn't help but feel amazed at how quickly Patton had accepted him. Sure, it might not last long if Logan messed it up —as he did with most things—, but still, Patton hadn't even known Logan for thirty minutes, and was already calling Logan his child.

"Sure was! The twins really like that movie so I know quite a lot of the dialogue."

"Ah, I see."

There was a small lull in the conversation before Patton changed the subject with, "So… would you want to go to the park?"

"...I'm twelve."

"Uh, okay… I don't see what— Oh, I didn't mean on the playground necessarily! There's a nice walking trail, plenty of benches, and even an ice cream stand."

"Mm, that sounds pleasant… I'm allergic to dairy though."

"Oh, sorry, kiddo. 'Fraid you get that from me."

Logan stared at Patton incredulously. "You were going to take me to an ice cream stand, despite being allergic to dairy yourself?"

"...Yes. I— I don't always make the best decisions when it comes to dairy, okay? I mean, my favourite food is mac 'n' cheese."

"You… that's unfortunate."

"Oh, definitely. I don't let it stop me though."

"I have only heard legends of people who eat the food they're allergic to."

"Legends?"

"I… thought it sounded cool. Apologies, I shall refrain from—"

"No, you're fine, Logan! I was just wondering what legends had people eating their allergy in it, that's all."

"Ah, none to my knowledge. The closest I can think of would be the Norse myth in which Balder had a dream that he was going to die, so his mother Frigg made all the plants, trees, and animals promise to never hurt Balder, but she forgot to ask mistletoe. The gods assumed that Balder was invincible and often used him as a target for knife-throwing and archery. One day they were all playing darts, and Loki, having learned from Frigg that Balder wasn't immune to mistletoe, made a dart from the plant and pretended to help guide the blind god Höd's hand. But under Loki's supposed assistance, Höd struck his brother, Balder, piercing his heart and killing him.

"Although Balder wasn't allergic to mistletoe in that case, it was just the only plant that could hurt him, and then Loki was being mischievous, which makes sense as he's the god of mischief." Logan paused, realising that he'd rambled on for longer than he'd intended. "Ah, apologies, that was a rather long story with very little relevance."

"You're fine! I enjoyed listening! It's been quite a while since I heard that story anyway, and I can see how your mind made the connection."

"Oh, okay… well, thank you for listening."

"Of course, Logan. Anytime."

Logan frowned a bit. "We got quite off topic."

Patton laughed. "So we did. But we can continue to get off topic together as we walk the park's walking trail if you want. The trail start is only a few blocks away."

"Alright… have you ever heard about the story where Thor dressed as Freyja to get Mjölnir back?"

"Ooh, that sounds vaguely familiar, but I don't remember most of it. Wanna tell it to me?"

Logan felt himself get even more excited. "Yes, I'd like that."

The day had gone so much better than Logan had expected, more than he'd ever dared to hope. Not only did Patton not hate him, but they'd spent most of the afternoon talking. Their conversation had been a bit awkward at times —as Logan's conversations with people other than his mother often were, albeit usually more awkward than it had been with Patton; at least Patton and Logan had some things in common—, but Logan was quite pleased with how the day had gone.

Logan had rather expected to be going home in tears, rather than a small smile he'd found on his face.

After he got home, Logan heated some leftovers for supper and finished the last of his math homework, quite glad that there weren't any bottles from the prior night to clean up —just a beer can that was already in the recycling—, and that his mother hadn't been too hungover to go and work.

Feeling a bit unsure what to do until his mother got home from her evening job, he watched some TV, his conversations with Patton still in the back of his mind.

He especially couldn't stop thinking about when Patton had said that he hadn't known that Logan existed, how his mother had said, on multiple occasions, that his father had taken one look at Logan and left, that he didn't want him.

But Patton did want Logan —or at least thought he did at the moment, he easily might not after getting to know Logan and seeing how worthless he was— and he hadn't known of Logan's existence… and since Logan was quite certain that Patton was telling the truth, that could only mean one thing: his mother had lied.

It meant that his mother had been lying to him for a frighteningly long amount of time.

What felt like both too soon and not soon enough, Logan's mother came home, looking tired as always.

After she grabbed something small to eat, she laid down on the couch, Logan hovering near one of the couch's arms.

"...I saw him today," Logan finally said.

His mother looked up at him. "Saw who? …Your father?"

"Yes, I met him, his husband, Janus, and briefly two out of three of their children. Although the eldest, Virgil, was Janus' son, I assume from a previous relationship, who didn't seem to consider Patton his father."

"Huh, I see. Did it go well?"

"It went… a lot better than expected." Logan felt himself begin to get a little mad. "Especially considering the fact that Patton didn't know of my existence and was actually really nice."

His mother winced. "Oh."

More anger rose in Logan. "Yes. 'Oh'. I— Why didn't you tell Patton that I existed? And why did you tell me that he knew and just didn't want me!?"

"I… don't know."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Logan was aware that tears were streaming down his cheeks but he couldn't find it in him to wipe them away.

"Logan, sometimes people just… make mistakes. And sometimes they don't realise until it's too late to fix them, at least directly, so they just leave the mistake to fester and it just gets worse over time but they certainly don't want to deal with it now." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "It just got worse, and the longer I waited, the worse I knew it would make everyone feel. So, I just never said anything… not till I finally, finally just bit the bullet and found his address."

She finally stopped staring at the ceiling and looked over at Logan. "I fucked up. I know I did, and I know I should've done it a long time ago, but at least you have your dad now. I know it's my fault that you didn't for so, so long, but you do now. I'm… Logan, I'm really sick, and it took… it took almost dying to realise that I was just trying to keep you to myself, and that's really not fair to you. I'm… I'm so sorry I didn't let you two meet sooner, and it's okay if you don't forgive me for a while, or ever, but I'm trying to fix it now. I'm trying, Logan."

"I—" Logan scrubbed underneath his eyes. "I know, Mom. I know you're trying. It— it really hurt, it hurt not to have him, but you… you did the right thing, and now I do have him. Him and you. That's all I ever wanted…” He paused. "I don't think I can forgive you today… but soon. I just need some time."

Logan's mother smiled softly. "I know, and I understand."

"I'm… I'm glad to have you back, Mom. Yo— you weren't really there for quite a while."

"Yeah, I know, and I am so, so sorry. But I promise that I'm not going to drink again. Your… your dad found me on Facebook earlier while I was at work and we messaged each other, and God bless him, he's actually paying for me to go to therapy with his cousin, Dr. Picani. I'm…" She paused to dab at her eyes with her handkerchief. "I'm gonna get better. I'm gonna get out of this depressive funk and I'm going to fucking stop this stupid alcoholism.

"It's not going to be easy, or linear, but I'm going to do it. I will."

"I know you will. If anyone could do it, it'd be you."

"Thank you for always having my back, little Lo. I don't know what I'd do without you. I— come here, baby." She raised her frail arms up and Logan quickly ducked between them, the both of them wrapping their arms around the other.

After a few moments they pulled away, Logan still kneeling beside his mother. "I… he invited me to come back soon."

"I know."

"I… I want to see him again. I'd like to get to know Patton and his family more."

"Okay, you know I support you either way, baby, so if you want to see him— all of them, then you should spend more time with them."

Logan wasn't sure what to say, so he just asked, "Do you want to watch a movie?"

His mother smiled. "Only if we pop some popcorn."

Logan sighed as he looked at Patton and Janus' white door. The parallel between now and the first time that he'd met Patton was making him hesitate, which was only making the moment feel even more familiar.

Logan startled slightly as Janus opened the door.

Janus raised an eyebrow. "Well, now isn't this déjà vu?" He rhetorically asked, the sarcastic tone that his voice usually took ever-present, despite the statement itself holding no actual sarcasm.

"Ah, apologies, I was just…"

"Gathering yourself for a moment?"

"Yes."

"Hmm… well, come in."

"Thank you." Logan went inside and Janus shut the door behind them.

"Logan's here, love," Janus called across the living room and Patton looked up from what he was fixing in the kitchen to across the kitchen bar.

"Hi! You made it!" Patton waved.

A golden retriever mutt came up to Logan, sniffed his pant leg, and began wagging their tail at him, so he patted the dog on the head a few times.

"I did." Logan remembered what his mother had said years ago about how people liked to have their house complimented. "Um, I like how your house's common area is an open plan. It's very… spacious."

"Aww, thanks, Logan. I really like that about our house too." His eyebrows furrowed a bit. "Where's your mom?"

"Ah, yes, she sends her regards and apologies for being absent, but she had to cover for a co-worker at work. It was rather sudden so we didn't have proper time to forewarn you."

"Oh, okay. Well, that's fine! That's too bad that she couldn't come, but I'm glad you're here anyway."

Patton was very generous with his compliments, Logan noted, a bit unsure as to why Patton's praise made him feel so happy. Well, Logan had been idolizing him since he was young, so perhaps it was a bit more obvious than he'd originally thought. He'd been wishing for a father figure since he was little after all.

"And I am glad to be here."

"If you'll excuse me for a moment," Janus said, "I'll go let everyone know you're here."

Janus went upstairs and since Logan wasn't sure what to do, he petted the dog some more.

"Oh! That's Biscuit, by the way!"

"Ah, they're a very good dog."

"Isn't she!"

Janus came down the stairs only a minute later, the twins in tow.

"Oh! It's the Boy Scout!" The twin dressed in a prince costume exclaimed.

"No! He's a zombie," The other twin —his name was Remus, if Logan recalled correctly— tried to correct, pointing his finger at Logan, the black and green sparkly cuff bouncing as he did so.

Janus clicked his tongue. "Remus, what did I tell you about pointing at people?"

Remus sighed deeply. "Not to because it's rude."

"And what do you say, dear?"

"Sorry, Logan."

"It's alright."

"Oh, also maybe don't call people zombies," Janus added.

Logan couldn't help but think what an odd family they were.

"...Are you a zombie?" Remus asked.

"No, I'm not a zombie, or a Boy Scout for that matter."

"Aww," The little prince whined. "Then who are you?"

"Logan."

He snorted. "Okay, smart—"

"Ass!" Remus finished.

"Boys," Patton scolded. "Roman, don't let Remus take the fall for your curse word, and Remus, we don't curse in this house!"

"You said 'fuck' just yesterday, Papa. You know, when you accidentally spilled milk everywhere?"

Patton sighed. "Okay yes, I did. But I shouldn't've said that."

"Also you're an adult, which means that if you wanted to curse, you could," Janus added.

"Yeah," Remus agreed. "Like Virgil, although he's not an adult… wait, why is Virgil allowed to cuss and we're not? We're only like… nine years younger."

"Well, my age minimum for children cursing is lower than your Papa's, so we compromised, and if you don't swear loudly in public, you can curse when you turn fifteen."

"Aww, but that's so far away!"

"Yes, it is."

"Oh, speaking of Virgil, where is he?" Patton asked.

"Still upstairs. He said that he'd be down in a minute."

"Oh, okay!"

"...So who are you really?" Roman asked.

"And don't say 'Logan' again!" Remus added.

"...Logan Sanders-Miller."

"Aww. You did it again."

Janus sighed. "Don't you remember when I told you last night that Patton had a son who was coming over for dinner today?"

The twins shook their heads.

"Did you tell them while they were watching TV?" Patton asked.

"Yes— oh, I see what happened. I always forget that they won't hear me if the TV's on."

"Are you really Papa's son?" Remus asked Logan.

"Um, yes, I am his biological son."

Roman ran into the kitchen where Patton was still cooking. "Papa?"

"Yeah, Ro?"

"Why'd you hide Logan from us?"

"Oh, sweetie, I didn't hide Logan from y'all! His mother had never told me that he'd been born so I had no idea he existed."

"Oh, that's sad… so kinda like how you and Dad didn't know that me and Remus existed until you found us at the adoption place? Well, except that Logan's your bioluh… biological son and me and Remus aren't."

"Yeah, that's exactly right!"

"Remus and I," Janus corrected. "I am trying to teach our sons some semblance of proper grammar after all."

…

Supper went fairly well, it was a bit awkward at times and Logan had a strong feeling that Virgil didn't like him, but the twins' lively conversation soon easily broke up any awkwardness.

"I can help clean up," Logan offered after they'd finished eating.

"Aw, that's okay! I've got it. Besides, you're our guest!"

"Oh, alright…"

"Um, but if you want, you could go watch the twins in the living room. They'll probably get out some toys which is fine, just make sure they don't physically hurt each other. Oh, but if that's too much pressure, I can come watch them, I'm just helping Janus clean up right now."

"That's alright, I can watch them." Logan walked deeper into the living room and around the couch, noticing Virgil scowling at him from the dining table as he went.

Seriously, why did Virgil dislike him so much?

"Logan!" Remus exclaimed as he knocked his plastic dinosaur into Roman's.

"Come play with us!" Roman whacked his pteranodon into Remus' triceratops, which fell out of Remus' hand, causing Roman to cheer.

"Aw, man!" Remus pouted. "Now how am I supposed to defeat the dino rebels!"

Logan sat down on the floor next to the twins. "Hmm, perhaps the Ankylosaurus could help?"

"Oh, yeah! But I'm dead, so you'll have to play him, okay?"

"Alright, I can do that."

"Oh no!" Roman cried dramatically. "Another leader of the Dinosaur Imperial Magistrate —DIM for short— has arisen!"

Logan played with the twins, using the plastic dinosaurs to fight for a minute or two when Virgil came into the living room and sat on the couch, gesturing for Logan to come sit next to him.

After Logan excused himself from the battle, Remus and Roman continuing on in his absence, he got up and perched himself on the edge of the couch.

"Yes?"

"You don't have to play with them, you know,"

"Oh, I know, but I actually enjoy playing with people younger than me."

"I just— I can take care of them by myself." Virgil huffed. "I know that Patton doesn't think that, but I can! I can be responsible!"

"Alright. I've never said otherwise—"

"You can't just come in here and suddenly be a part of this family."

"O… kay? I didn't—"

"I don't know what you think you're doing, just waltzing in here like you've always been here but you haven't! You can't just uproot our family because suddenly you want a dad."

"I understand that I haven't always been here but I really am not trying to uproot anything. I'm not trying to tear your family apart, I just want to earn my place in it."

"And what makes you think you will?!" Virgil exclaimed, his voice dangerously low, but still quiet so as not to let the twins playing on the other side of the living room or the adults in the kitchen overhear.

"I… I don't know," Logan admitted. "When I first met Patton, I didn't even originally come to try and join the family he'd built for himself. I just wanted to know why he hadn't wanted me as a baby, only to find out that my mother had lied and he had no idea I existed. I'm only here trying to earn a place in Patton's life because he's invited me into it."

"I—" Virgil's breaths were shorter than they should have been. "W— well stop trying! Who said you deserve to try! You shouldn't expect so much so soon!" Virgil's voice was steadily rising, so much so that the twins looked up from where they were playing.

"Are you okay, Virgie?" Roman asked.

"Yeah, you seem mad," Remus agreed.

"Everything's fine," Virgil gritted out, "I'm just talking to Logan."

"Okay, just remember Papa's saying: 'you say things bad when you're mad' !"

"Whatever, just go play."

The twins both frowned.

"Um, okay," Remus said, worry still evident in his tone. He looked at Virgil for a moment longer before he hesitantly went back to what seemed to be an odd game that involved both chess and checker pieces.

Logan took a deep breath. Virgil's words struck a little too close to home. "I apologize if it seems like I've been trying to barge in where I do not belong, but if I could ju—"

"Just stop it already. I don't wanna talk about this anymore."

"I— alright."

"I just…" Virgil took some more heavy breaths. "I just don't understand how you can come in here and act like you belong and like everyone's totally chill with that! Patton just met you the other day, there's no way that he could like you already! He's just being polite! And you're too naïve to fuckin' see that.

"No one even wants you here!" Virgil stopped, looking quite surprised at his outburst… at least he did until Logan's vision blurred with unshed tears. Logan couldn't see Virgil's face well enough to tell after that.

Logan stood up. "Well then, I apologize for overstaying my welcome. I can see that I'm not wanted so… so I'll be going then. Goodbye."

"Wait, I didn't mean t—"

"Didn't you though?" Logan snapped as he made his way around the couch and to the front door.

Patton came out of the kitchen, Janus right behind him, and asked, "Oh, Logan, are you leaving so soon?"

Logan opened the door.

"Wait, Logan—"

Logan shut the door behind himself with a bit more force than necessary, just able to hear Virgil faintly say, "Shit, I think I made him cry."

Tears streamed down Logan's face the entire walk home.

Logan had never been one to outwardly display his emotions, but he also tried not to just push them down. Which was why he'd felt so utterly embarrassed when he couldn't stop crying the day prior.

It was one thing for Logan to cry in the privacy of his own room, and another thing entirely to cry in front of Patton and his family. Sure, someone might've seen him cry as he was walking home, but that was nothing in comparison to how shameful he felt that Patton had to have seen him like that.

So much for trying to prove that he was good enough. He'd certainly messed that up beyond repair as there was no way that Patton would want him now.

Logan sighed, and forcing himself to get out of bed, he walked to the living room.

Logan's mother looked up from the TV and frowned, using the remote to turn it off.

"Hey, baby. What's wrong? Did something happen last night?"

"...I made a complete fool of myself."

She frowned. "Hmm, well come here. Let's talk it out."

Logan sat next to her. "Okay."

"So? What happened?"

"Well, Virgil said that no one wanted me there, among other things, and I kind of panicked, so I left… but everyone saw that I was crying before I could leave. It… Newton, I was so embarrassed. Still am, actually."

"Oh, honey! I'm so sorry."

Logan sniffed. "He was right though. I did kind of just barge in there and act like I was entitled to Patton and his family."

"Really?" His mother asked skeptically. "Because that doesn't sound like you at all."

"I— well… Virgil informed me that Patton didn't actually want me there, that he was just being polite and I was too naïve to see that," Logan spat as tears began to well up in his eyes.

"Hmm, okay. I don't know what Virgil's problem is, but I just really don't think any of that's true. I've been messaging your dad a bit ever since you met him. He seemed nothing but excited that you were in his life… well, and guilty for not being there for you sooner, but I've already told him that it's not his fault. I was the one to keep it from him after all…

"Anyway, point is, your dad absolutely wants you there. I think you'd know if he was just being nice. If there's two things I remember about him from college, it's how kind he was and how his passive aggression was not super veiled. I really do think that he cares about you, and while I don't know why Virgil said all those things, I think you should talk to the both them about it. Maybe it's not as bad as you think."

A few tears rolled down Logan's cheeks. "...Are you sure?"

His mother patted his shoulder. "Quite sure."

"Okay… when do you think I sh—"

There were a few light knocks on the front door, making Logan startle as he quickly tried to wipe away the few fallen tears.

Logan's mother got up and answered the door. "Hello, what can I do for you two?"

Logan couldn't hear what the other people had said, but his mother quickly ushered Patton and Virgil in with a, "Please, come in. I'm sure there's much to talk about."

Logan was just about to stand up and hide in his room when Patton said, "Wait, Logan. This'll only take a minute, but there's something that Virgil wanted to say."

Logan hesitated and almost left anyway, but Virgil seemed so genuinely worried that Logan stayed.

"Alright. Just for a minute."

"Okay…" Virgil nodded, still looking extremely nervous but almost a bit relieved. He stood in front of the couch, still keeping some distance so as to not crowd Logan.

Patton and Logan's mother went into the kitchen, most likely to make some tea, and Patton gave Logan a brief reassuring smile.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for snapping at you yesterday," Virgil began. "I didn't mean anything I said, especially that no one wanted you there… you don't have to earn your place in this family by the way. This doesn't make it right, but I was jealous because I thought that Patton liked you more than me. But that's not true, he doesn't play favourites like that."

"...Oh. I see."

"I'm afraid that I was kinda projecting my feelings of inadequacy onto you, like, everything I said to you was what I was feeling towards Pat. Um, but he and I had an entire conversation about it and I'm doing a lot better now, but still, I'm really sorry you had to get caught up in all that shit. In all of my shit."

"I… did not enjoy it, that's for sure, but as long as you learn from your mistake and try your best not to do it again…"

"I promise. From now on if I have a problem with someone, I'll talk to them about it instead of snapping at someone else."

"Good. In that case, I forgive you."

Virgil's shoulders slumped in relief. "Okay, thanks, Logan."

"You're welcome, Virgil. And thank you for apologising."

"No problem, it's the least I could do after I was so mean to you." Virgil shifted on his feet. There was a pause before he asked, "Hey, wanna go see what our parents are talking about in the kitchen?"

"Sure."

Logan's mother laughed at something Patton had said as Logan and Virgil walked into the kitchen.

"Oh, hey, kids. You get everything sorted out?" Patton asked, a bit pointedly at Virgil.

"Yeah, I apologized and he forgave me."

"Good, I'm glad."

"Um, hey… Pops?" Virgil seemed a bit hesitant with the nickname, and Logan deduced that he must have just started using the fatherly nickname after his emotional conversation with Patton.

Patton seemed to be holding back a beaming smile as he answered, "Yes, Virge?"

"Can we take Logan and his mom out to get burgers for lunch?"

"Oh, that's a great idea! Er, if they're not busy, that is."

Logan's mother hummed. "Well, I don't have work until three, and it's a Saturday, so it's not like Logan has school."

"Great! Do y'all like Sonic?"

Logan felt himself get excited. "Sonic's burgers are superior, especially when you consider the facts that you can get tater tots with it and that they have cherry limeades, as well as root beer. Which are my two favourite drink options."

"You're absolutely right," Virgil agreed. "They really are superior."

"Did you know that the first location opened near Shawnee, Oklahoma and was originally called the Top Hat Drive-In? In 1959 when Troy Smith and his business partner, Charlie Pappe looked into getting it copyrighted, but they discovered that it already was copyrighted. So they named the franchise Sonic, with the slogan 'Service With the Speed of Sound' ."

"Oh, yeah," Virgil agreed. "I think I read an article about that. They named it Sonic because the jets at Tinker Air Force Base in Oklahoma city were breaking the sound barrier, right?"

"Yes, that's correct." Logan couldn't help but give Virgil a small smile, who returned it easily.

Logan had never met someone who liked Sonic anywhere near as much as him, and looked forward to sharing more facts with Virgil.

In the end, Logan had never had so much fun doing something so normal as getting hamburgers. Although he was beginning to suspect that nothing was normal around the Sanders' family… and he was right.

Logan loved the science fair, it was one of his favourite things about school, and even if his mother usually had to work a lot, she always made time for Logan's science fair, and this year was no different.

…At least in that aspect, it was no different, it was, however, definitely different in another way, namely, Patton and his whole family came.

Janus and Virgil were each holding the hand of one of the twins who were trying to pull every which way to see everything, bringing up the rear was someone that Logan didn't know, but looked rather like Patton —a brother or cousin, maybe?— in a floral print shirt, and leading the whole procession was Patton, a large tote bag on one shoulder, and a big water bottle in his other hand.

Patton waved, the tote bag almost slipping, but he managed to catch it just in time, laughing at himself a bit. "Hey, Logan! I brought snacks!"

"...To a science fair?"

"Yeah! I thought we might get hungry after."

"Ah, that's true. I hadn't thought of that. Good idea."

"Thank you!" Patton beamed. "Oh! This is my brother, Thomas." Patton gestured with his lips at the person Logan didn't recognize.

"What's up?" Thomas greeted.

"I'm at the science fair."

Thomas snorted. "That's fair."

Logan squinted suspiciously. "Was that a pun?"

"Sure was!"

"...I can certainly see the relation."

Thomas and Patton laughed.

Janus turned to Logan from where he'd been talking to his children. "Ah, before I forget, good luck with your presentation."

"Thank you, Janus."

"You're going to do awesome!" Roman assured.

"Or fall flat on your face," Remus gleefully added.

Logan pursed his lips. "Well, I certainly hope I don't fall on my face."

"Nah," Virgil said. "You won't… probably."

"Confident as ever," Janus teased sarcastically. "Well, we should probably go take our seats, but we wanted to wish you luck first."

"Thank you, I appreciate that."

Janus took the bag and water bottle from Patton.

"It was nice meeting you," Thomas said.

"Nice to meet you as well."

"Break a leg!" Remus said sweetly as they walked towards the seats, and somehow, Logan knew that he only half meant it in the 'perform well' way.

"So, where's your mom?" Patton asked.

"Here! I'm here." Logan's mother smiled nervously as she tried to catch her breath. "Patton, it's, um…"

"Good to see you again, Cindy."

Her shoulders sagged slightly in relief. "Yes. It is."

Patton was about to say something in reply but a woman with a dyed blonde bob haircut walked up to them, an overly fake smile on her face. "Hi! I'm Sheryl."

"Hi, Sheryl, I'm Patton!" Patton shook her hand. "And this is my son, Logan, and his mom, Cindy."

"Aww, don't you two make a cute couple."

Logan sighed a little louder than he meant to.

Patton's smile quickly turned awkward as he explained, "Oh, we're not a couple anymore, but my husband and our other children are here."

"Oh." Sheryl just awkwardly walked off and spotted someone she knew. "Susan! How's the kids?"

Logan mentally groaned. "Apologies. That entire interaction was my fault."

"What?" Patton asked. "Nonsense!"

"You wouldn't even be here if I didn't have a science fair, or had met you… or even existed."

"Oh, hey, no. Logan, that wasn't your fault. And I'm really glad you exist, especially because I got to meet you. She was just being a bit of a jerk—

"Fuckin' asshole," Logan's mother interjected bitterly.

"But it's nothing I couldn't handle, and absolutely not your fault."

"...Okay."

"Okay."

"If she says anything else, let me know." Logan's mother pursed her lips. "I'm on the board, and I can assure you that we don't take too kindly to homophobia. Veiled or not."

"Thanks, I appreciate that. I'll certainly let you know."

Logan's mother checked her watch before she looked between Patton and Logan and nodded to herself. "Well, I'm gonna sit down. It starts in ten minutes but you two should have time."

"Should have time for what?" Patton asked.

"Logan wants to ask you something." She smiled knowingly and walked away.

Logan sighed.

His mother was a bit too perceptive at times.

"What was it you wanted to ask me about?"

"Oh… well, I was just wondering why… why you introduced me as your son. I mean, obviously I'm your biological son but…"

"Oh! I introduced you as my son because you are my son. Ah, but if that makes you uncomforta—"

"No! Er, no. I'm not uncomfortable. I just… am not clear what yo—" Logan cringed at himself. "Nevermind."

"No! Go ahead. What is it?"

"I… I'm not really sure how to explain."

"Oh, hmm, that's tough… maybe I can guess? I kinda think I know where this is going. Oh, but I can totally just give you time if you wanna think it out for yourself."

"No, that's… I'd— I mean, it would probably be easiest if you just said what you thought I'm trying to say."

"Okay. So, what I think you're maybe wondering is what… oh wow, this is hard. Okay, you're my biological son, but you're also just… my son, okay?"

"Oh, I— okay."

"Is that okay?"

"Definitely. I… yes."

"Okay. And um, well, you definitely don't have to… but I'm okay with you know, fatherly nicknames, but again, only if you want! Not trying to rush anything of course, or make you feel like you have to ever even. So… um, so yeah."

Tears began to prick at the corner of Logan's eyes.

He really hadn't expected this to happen when he'd woken up today. He'd of course known that Patton was kind and caring, but to know that he already thought of Logan as his son… that it was okay for Logan to call him father… it was all too much, albeit in a good way.

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry! You don't have to—"

"No, no. It's alright. These, uh, these are happy tears… Father." Despite Patton having just said it was okay, Logan still warily looked at him to see his reaction.

Patton broke out in a big grin. "Awww! Oh my goodness, abjfshdjsjsjdh!"

"Wh— what?"

"Aah, sorry. I'm just, shvshshsh."

"...Are you having a stroke? The signs are—"

"No, it's okay. I'm not having a stroke. Just so happy I'm at a loss for words!"

"Oh, I see."

"...Can I hug you?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Patton wrapped his arms around Logan. "Thank you for being my son."

Logan buried his face into Patton's shoulder before mumbling, "And thank you for being my father."

Logan was almost late for his presentation due to his happy tears, but he found that it was very, very worth it.

Logan hadn't quite been sure what to think when Patton invited him to come along with the other Sanders to the beach. For one, he hated swimming, but also, if there was anything Logan hated more than swimming, it was sand. And that was without even mentioning the ride home in wet swim clothes.

So no, Logan wasn't looking forward to going... but Patton had invited him, and he did enjoy the Sanders' company.

When Patton's sky-blue minivan pulled up, Logan got up from the window seat, grabbed his bag, and, after locking the apartment door behind himself, walked down the stairs and to the van.

Patton rolled down the passenger window and leaned around Janus to say, "Hey, Logan! You got everything you need?"

"Yes, I have sunscreen, a pair of clothes, goggles, a towel, and the key to get back into my apartment."

"Great! Hop in!" Patton pressed a button and the side door slid open.

…

The drive there mostly consisted of the twins asking 'are we there yet' just to annoy everyone; bickering with each other; Virgil, Logan, and Janus trying to stop them from said bickering; and Patton jamming out to oldies as he drove.

Due to the twins' bickering and the fact that Logan had never been out this way to the ocean before, the drive felt longer than it actually was, but soon enough they were all unloading from the van and heading down to the beach.

It was a rather warm June day, and the sun sparkled across the water brightly as it was unhindered by any clouds.

Logan could feel the apprehension building in himself the closer they got to the water, but took a deep breath to try and get it to settle. Patton wanted him to go swimming, so swimming he would go.

After setting up their stuff and putting on sunscreen, they all got in the water. Remus and Roman instantly began racing, Virgil acting as the referee, while Patton and Janus got in the water at a more sedate pace, already wading in up to their knees.

Logan was still standing quite firmly in the sand.

Patton turned around to look at Logan and furrowed his eyebrows. "Logan? What's wrong?"

"I just… am not particularly fond of swimming, that's all." Logan hesitantly walked to where the water lapped at his ankles, feeling a bit silly as Patton was already in to his waist.

"Aww, I'm sorry. We would've picked a different activity if we'd known that."

"No, that's alright. If I really don't want to swim, I can sit in a beach chair."

"Still. We wanna do stuff that you'll like too. How about next time you can pick where we go?"

"Really?"

"Sure! Just name the place and we'll go soon."

"Hm… how about the planetarium?"

"Sounds great!"

Logan nodded and mentally braced himself as he walked farther into the water. It wasn't quite as cold as he'd thought, but was still pleasantly cool in the heat of the day.

Logan paused with a small frown once he'd gotten in past his bellybutton and sniffed the air. Since this was the ocean and not a pool, there was no chlorine to bother Logan. He got in to his shoulders and pushed his feet off the sand, swimming in place to stay afloat, finally level with Patton instead of trailing behind.

"This isn't as bad as I'd thought."

"Awe, I'm glad! I personally love swimming."

"Mm, I'd… well, not forgotten that there wasn't any chlorine, of course, but it's not that bad. And sure, it smells a bit like salt, but considering it's the ocean, that makes sense." The water began to lap at Logan's chin. "I really had expected it to be so much wors—" The water brushed past his lips and he wrinkled his nose as he spat out the few drops of water that'd made it into his mouth. "Eurgh! Why does it taste so salty?!"

Patton laughed gently. "You knew the ocean was salty, Lo!"

"Well, of course I did, Father, but I didn't know it was going to be this salty! Ugh, it's horrendous."

Patton giggled. "Aww, sorry, kiddo."

…

The saltwater had tasted terrible, but all in all, swimming had gone much better than Logan had expected. The lack of chlorine had really made a big difference.

After they had gotten out of the water for lunch, almost everyone made sand castles while Janus and Logan sat on a blanket under the shade of a big umbrella.

"So, how are you enjoying the family so far?" Janus asked, startling a small laugh out of Logan.

"What?"

"Well, it's been a few months. Surely you have formed some sort of opinion by now."

"Oh, I have. I just wasn't expecting the question." Logan paused for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. "I really like it here… not the beach— well, it is nice here, but what I meant was that I really like being with everyone."

"Good, I'm glad. Everyone likes that you're here too."

"...Everyone?"

Janus smiled like he was in on a joke. Perhaps he was. "Everyone."

"...I'm not intruding?"

"Not at all. I daresay that there would be many protests if you tried to cut us off. Patton is quite the protective papa bear. Actually, if you want to be specific, I believe there'd be five protests. Six if you count your mother."

"Oh… six?"

"Yes, six. Did you really think I'm completely apathetic towards you?"

"Well, I didn't know, and… well, I didn't want to assume."

Janus hummed. "Now you don't have to."

"True." Logan paused, a bit of anxiety building in his gut as he tried to think of how to word what he wanted to say. "Thank you for letting me into your family," Logan rushed out. "You didn't have to do that, but you did anyway, and I— I really appreciate it."

"I'm… not even quite sure what to say to that. I don't feel as though it was letting you as in 'I gave you permission', but more like you just naturally became a part of our family."

Logan hummed. "I see. Well, regardless, I'm still grateful for all of you."

"And us you," Janus said, voice full of sincerity.

They sat there in peaceful silence for several minutes until Patton came up.

"Janus! The kids say it's your turn to play with them."

Janus sighed faux-dramatically. "Well, if they insist…" He got up and went to where the others were throwing sand around.

"Hi!" Patton exclaimed as he sat down next to Logan.

"Hello, Father. How was the sand?"

"Sandy dandy!"

Logan exhaled through his nose, if only to keep himself from laughing. "That's… a very you response."

Patton laughed. "You betcha!" He looked out at the ocean for a few moments before saying, "Hey, Logan?"

"Yes?"

Patton looked back at Logan. "I'm glad you came to find me a few months ago."

"Mm, me too."

"I… I know I said this at your science fair last month, but you're family." Patton laughed a little. "I mean, of course you're family, but I just… I wanted to say it again. And that… that I really care about you, Logan."

"I really care about you too… Papa?" Logan hadn't meant it to sound like a question but he was a little unsure if Patton would think it was okay so it did anyway.

"Awwwww, c'mere!"

Patton scooted closer, Logan copying him, and Patton put an arm around Logan's shoulders, who immediately rested his head on Patton's shoulder.

"Love you… Lo-son."

"...Was that a pun in front of my emotional conversation?"

Patton laughed again, much louder this time. "I can tell you've been hanging out with Virgil a lot."

Logan smiled. "Maybe a bit."

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed from a bit farther down the beach. "Come look at what we made!"

Patton and Logan exchanged glances as Logan sat up properly again before they got up and went to where the twins and Virgil were gathered.

"Where's Jan—" Logan cut himself off with a startled laugh as he could only see Janus' head, his body under the sand which had been shaped to look like a snake.

"See!" Roman beamed. "He's a sea snake."

"You good under there, dear?" Patton asked amusedly, obviously trying not to giggle.

Janus pouted a bit, but still said, "Yes, I'm fine, just covered in sand."

"I like the details in the scales! Very fancy."

"Yeah," Virgil agreed. "Re and Ro did most of them."

Logan tilted his head to the side. "What species were you modeling this after?"

Roman thought about it for a moment. "Uh… sea snake?"

Virgil snorted. "We didn't have one in mind. Just used our imagination."

"Ah, I see."

"Come build sandcastles with us, Logan!" Roman exclaimed more than asked as he smiled up at Logan.

Logan couldn't help but smile back. "Alright. What time period and place were you thinking of?"

"Ooh," Remus cut in, "Which ones have the most gore?"

"Well…"

Everything was so very different from only a few months prior, but it'd only changed for the better.

Logan had always had his mother, but his family grew bigger than he'd ever thought possible.

Home really wasn't about the house, but rather about the people; and between Logan's mother, Patton, Janus, Virgil, Remus, and Roman, Logan had an abundance of home.

And there truly was no place like home.

~The End~

No reposting, likes are nice, and reblogs are very much appreciated! | Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @someoneiwasnt

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dyke-remy · 1 year

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Vote on my next AU

Ok so I got 2 ideas for a new askblog. Generally i have a vague plot line in mind but the plot is mostly shaped by the asks. (also more ships can potentially happen than said in this post they’re just haven’t been considered as much)

Liminal sides - Logan main character. The sides are in long term psychiatric inpatient care run by Patton and Picani. ANGST, but also fluff. Some of the sides are in a DID system so some characters are introduced over time. Big sib Remus, Lil sib Roman. Patton x Picani. Potential loceit. Remy x Remus. potential prinxiety.

After Logan’s grades dropped to nearly all Fs his parents send him to a new type of psychward. It’s only a small section with only a few other patients around his own age. All of them are teenagers stuck in this place that isn’t quite home but home isn’t how a home is supposed to be either. They’re stuck in the liminal. All of them have abysmal social skills as well so they could probably use some help from askers.

Succubus sides - Remus and Janus main character. Much more worldbuilding in this one. Obviously supernatural. ANGST, a few scenes going on whump. theyre succubuses so sex will be talked about but there’s no actual smut. Picani x Remy. Logicality. Close creativitywins. Potential dukeceit. Potential anxceit.

Remus works in the lowest squadron of Succubuses in the Lust circle of hell under the ruling of their manager called Orange. Their job is to convert more humans into committing sins so hell has a bigger number than heaven, sinning through lust is also the only way succubuses can feed. Only problem is that Remus is completely sex repulsed. Meanwhile Janus is a human on earth who is struggling to get through college because of their adhd. Without them knowing they will soon become followed by a demon.

Both AUs got disabled and trans sides C: just tell me whichever ur more interested in

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #loceit #dukeceit

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the-sympathetic-villain · 2 years

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L’Appel Du Vide - Chapter 6

AO3 | First | Previous | Next | Masterpost

Description: Logan has been captured by a government agency who researches human with supernatural powers. Able to manipulate the world with his mind and tell what others are thinking, Logan finds himself in one of the most high security government prisons in the country that’s run by a sinister Dr. Emile Picani.

Endgame pairings: Lociet, Intruality, Prinxiety

Word Count: 5743

Chapter warnings: Captivity, Food Mention, Withholding Food for Control, Psychological/Physical Torture, Violence, Abuse, Attempted Murder/Near Miss on a Major Character Death, Swearing, Needles, Manipulation, Injuries, Guns, Restraints, Mentions of Human Experimentation (Let me know if I missed anything!)

Logan rubbed his eye with his wrist, hoping the friction against his dry eyelid would be enough to force himself awake. The ever-present glow of the red lights made his eyes ache deep into their sockets as he slowly pulled his knees up to his chest and held his head in his hands. Only the sensation of Virgil curled up against his side was keeping him from losing the last of his sanity.

For better or worse, he and Virgil had given up on hiding their concern for each other shortly after the attempted escape of the other man in Dr. Picani’s captivity. Logan muscles jerked and he suddenly felt like he might choke on the knot in his throat. Virgil’s night terrors had grown steadily worse since that horrid night. They'd been left chained to their beds until they'd passed out from exhaustion, and though he had suffered, the experience seemed to have broken something in his friend.

Virgil was convinced the doctor would come to take him to another facility where his torture would begin anew, and Logan would be left terribly and dreadfully alone. It had taken all his remaining composure to patiently reassure Virgil that his fears were unfounded, but as time went on, it was hard to ignore the fact that the doctor had been notably absent from his usual routine the last few days. Deep down, he lacked the same certainty he maintained for Virgil. The doctor was planning something and that was enough to set them both on edge.

So they waited, taking turns sleeping while they maintained the façade that they could avoid the inevitable. He was awake now, sure. But even if he stayed up all night, prepared to fight tooth and nail against the guards if they came for Virgil, the truth remained that he was sleep-deprived, malnourished and physically weak. This effort wasn’t sustainable and ultimately useless, but this suffering paled in comparison to the dreadful thought of waking to find his friend gone without a trace.

“Logan?”

The soft voice drew his attention to the shifting lump under the thin blanket next to him. He waited for Virgil to rise unsteadily up next to him and lean against the headboard, wiping the sleep from his bloodshot eyes as he looked over to Logan

“Good evening, Virgil.”

“Fuck you. You don’t know what the hell time it is right now.” Virgil grumbled as he tucked his arm around his chest to hold his grumbling stomach. “There could be two suns in the sky right now and we'd never know.”

“Perhaps not, but vitamins are typically administered in the morning.” Logan shrugged as he rested his head back against the headboard next to Virgil and allowed his eyes to close. “So, assuming the injections they give us each day are a means of preventing malnutrition rather than serving some ulterior purpose, we know we are about halfway between our morning doses—Hence, we can approximate that it is currently evening time.”

“You think too much.”

“I’ve been told before that that is my curse.” Logan continued to rest his eyes as Virgil curled over the edge of the bed, dangling haphazardly as he dug through his stash of food. He listened to the sounds of Virgil shuffling items under the mattress, feeling the bed jostle lightly as Virgil swung back up. “Maybe one day, the thoughts will stop, and I’ll be less miserable.”

“That's called being dead and you can’t tell me that’s what you want. You’re not allowed be a hypocrite.” Virgil muttered as he broke a stale nutrient bar in half. He waited for Logan to crack open his eyes before offering half to him. “It’s not much, but it's better than nothing. Picani's been keeping too close of an eye on his shit lately for me to snatch anything.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re a goddamn liar.” Virgil hissed back at him. “Take the bar.”

“Calorically speaking, extended exposure to stress increases the rate at which you burn your body's energy stores.” Logan started to close his eyes and lean his head back onto the headboard. “Given your tendency to worry about me, your need for food intake is undoubtedly higher—Ow!”

“Every damn word that comes out of your mouth is bullshit.” Virgil smirked as Logan rubbed the skin of his elbow where Virgil had pinched him. “You won’t convince me that caring about you is somehow a bad thing.”

Logan’s eyes narrowed on Virgil for a moment before letting his shoulders drop in resignation to his friend’s persistent grin. “In all fairness, nothing I claimed was technically untrue.”

“Alright, brainiac.” Virgil teased as he dangled the gray bar in front of Logan’s face. “Are you really telling me your overthinking is any less draining than my anxiety?”

Logan pursed his lips, knowing lying to Virgil wouldn’t get him very far. “No.”

“Good, then sit up and eat it.” Virgil prodded him less than gently. “You’re not going to fool me into believing you passed out again while were switching shifts.”

Disgruntled, Logan raised an eyebrow at his companion as he reluctantly eased upright. The dark circles under Virgil’s eyes stood out against the gaunt, pale look his skin, and Logan still didn’t feel right taking food from him, but he had to admit that Virgil’s assertions probably had some value. His body needed the nutrients and resisting Virgil’s attempts to care for him only wasted precious energy for both of them.

“Come on, L.” Virgil smirked as he pressed the bar into Logan’s hand, refusing to take his hand back until Logan’s fingers reluctantly closed around the meager offer of food. “It's not a lot, but you need to keep your strength up.”

“I'm said I'm fine.”

“And I told you that you were a goddamned liar.” Virgil muttered as Logan’s stare dropped to his lap and he hid his guilt by fidgeting with the unappetizing, gray bar. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you've hardly slept or eaten in the last three days.”

Logan nodded stiffly as he took a bite. It tasted like dust, but the nutritional value a full bar was nearly that of a full meal, even after being left to grow stale in Virgil’s stash for a few weeks. It was all by Dr. Picani’s sadistic design. He couldn’t remember the last time he'd had a meal that left him feeling satisfied, but choking down these bars would be enough to keep him alive.

“Seriously, Lo.” Virgil interrupted Logan’s silent train of thought as he forced himself to swallow another bite. “I want to know you'll be okay when Picani takes me away.”

“Worrying about me is a waste of your energy.”

“You know, this would be the one time I would’ve liked to hear you say you'll be fine.”

“I know.” Logan lifted his head, wincing as his skin pulled tight over the patched-up wounds across his body. He glanced over at the red light glistening in Virgil’s eyes underneath his dark hair. “But I'm not ready to consider the thought of facing this place with neither you nor Patton around.”

“Don’t forget Picani will be gone too, L. That bastard won’t be able to hurt you anymore." Virgil whispered breathlessly. “You'll be better off without having me around to put a target on your b—”

“Don’t—Don’t say that to me.” Logan snarled at him, immediately regretting the harsh tone in his voice as Virgil winced and pulled his hand back. He took a moment to stare at Virgil’s nervous attempt at a smile as he backed away before starting to backtrack. “I'm sorry, Virgil. I shouldn’t have snapped."

“No, you’re right.” Virgil swallowed back the tremble in his voice and waved away Logan’s attempt to comfort him. “That was a low blow and I should’ve known better.”

A weight sank down on Logan’s chest as Virgil pulled his knees to his chest and he looked away from him. Each night that had passed since the other captive’s attempted escape, the man who had pressed a knife to his throat on his first night here disappeared, leaving behind nothing but a battered shell. He was vulnerable in a way that made Logan worry he wouldn’t last long if Picani really did decide to take him.

“It’s my turn to keep watch. You should get some rest.” Virgil turned a tired smile back to him and Logan was grateful to see there was no bitterness in his expression. “We don’t need to do this tonight.”

“Virgil, I’m worr—"

Logan's voice was cut off by the ear-shattering blare of the alarm resonating over their heads. He was on his feet before his mind even fully registered what was happening. His knees buckled automatically at the edge of the bed, and he put his hands on his head, pressing his forehead to the stiff mattress. He’d only experienced this alarm once before, but it was a lesson that didn’t need to be taught twice. He shot a glance across the bed and breathed a sigh of relief as Virgil’s knees fell into place, hands on his head as he leaned his own forehead against his mattress.

At least this time, he wouldn’t have to watch Virgil get shot.

The sound of the seal on their cell door releasing sent a violent shudder through his entire body. Oh god, it was really happening all over again.

“Virgil, I-I can’t—”

“Keep your mouth shut, L.” Virgil hissed back under his breath. He bared his teeth in a silent growl as the door inched open. “Whatever happens, you just keep quiet. Got it?”

Dread seizes him as he nodded stiffly back at Virgil. A glaring white light blinded him as the sound of the guard’s combat boots pounded on the white tiles behind him. Half a dozen figures in white uniforms charged into the room and it took every bit of restraint left in Logan’s body not to scream as a guard took a handful of his hair and slammed him down on the ground.

A sickening crack filled his ears as his arm was twisted around his back and a white, hot pain spread like wildfire from his wrist to his elbow. He was flipped around and his back was forced against the bedpost. They’d broken his wrist. He was sure of it as he let out a weak whimper, his mind reeling from the surge of adrenaline.

“Quit struggling, you little pest.”

Logan held his breath as the guard ripped his uninjured wrist from his chest and began to chain him to the metal bedpost. The pinch of the tight metal cuff on his uninjured wrist was still enough to bring tears to his eyes as he curled his knees to his chest, choking back a sob as the guard lingered by his face as if daring him to react.

“Bring him here.”

Dr. Picani’s voice sent shudders down Logan’s spoke as he yanked his head around toward the door. A choking sense of dread paralyzed Logan as he watched Virgil being dragged by his collar toward the doctor’s silhouette, his hands bound by the same ability-negating cuffs that the guards had put on him.

“I think you know what happens next.” Picani’s sadistic grin widened as he raised a thin syringe up next to his head, leaning over Virgil as his victim squirmed in the guard’s grip. “Don’t you, Virgil?”

“Leave him alone, please.” Glistening light reflected off the wet streaks on Virgil’s cheeks as he tipped his head to expose his neck to the needle in Picani’s hand and closed his eyes. “I won’t fight anymore. Whatever you want from me, I swear I'll give it to you.”

“Oh, I’m not worried about that.” The doctor’s voice dripped with venom as his eyes flitted back to the door.” I already know you’ll do exactly what you’re told."

A pained screech from the hall sent chills down Logan’s spine as another pair of shadows appeared behind the doctor’s shadow. One of the other guards dragged a semi-conscious and bruised Patton into the room by his arm. Patton’s knees buckled from underneath him, and the guard twisted his arm into an unnatural angle behind his back, pulling a weak whimper from their friend’s lips.

“Patton, no.”

The doctor’s crooked smile widened as he raised a finger to Virgil’s jaw, tipping his head to the other side as he pointed the syringe at his neck. Logan’s heart skipped a beat as Virgil’s eyes moved in his direction and only emptiness stared back at him.

“Like a fairy when a child stops believing in magic, the light's gone out in you.” Picani’s dry chuckle dripped with venom as he gripped Virgil's jaw and forced his eyes toward Logan. “I can kill your friend and you will do nothing but watch, because you’re selfish. You don’t want be alone, so you’ll sacrifice one to keep the other. Isn't that right, Virgil?”

“I know you won’t k-kill Patton. You can’t manipulate me.”

“You’re right. Patton’s blood is worth too much for me to simply dispose of him, but I can certainly keep him from you.” Picani’s hungry grin widened as Virgil’s eyes connected with Logan and his friend immediately looked away in shame. “You could be in isolation for a long, long time. How long do you think you’d survive? A couple months or maybe a year?”

Virgil’s closed his eyes as the syringe’s tip brushed his neck, not quite breaking the skin. His cheeks seemed to glow in the remnants of the red light, reflecting light from the tears streaming down his face as a whimper escaped his throat.

“Say it for me, Virgil.” Another blood-curdling shriek from Patton made Logan shudder, and the satisfaction in Picani’s voice deepened as Virgil tensed in the doctor's grip. “Tell me you will watch as I kill your friend.”

“Fine.”

“Louder now. I can’t quite hear you.”

“I said 'Fine.' I’m watching, you sick fuck.” Virgil’s lip curled into a snarl, but Logan could feel the defeat creep into his voice. “You have my fucking attention.”

The broken sound of his friend’s voice doused the last bit of hope in Logan’s heart as he turned away. Patton's weak attempts at struggling became distant, blurring with the sounds of Virgil’s shallow breathing as Logan curled his legs to his chest. The lingering stare of a half dozen guards burned into his skin as he cradled his injured wrist against his chest. He could feel each of them shift their feet around him, waiting for orders.

“I'm sorry, Lo—I'm so sorry. Please, I never meant for you to get hurt.”

“Quit your babbling.”

The guards started to move toward him as a thundering boom echoed down the hall like a distant explosion. Logan sucked in a breath as the room shook around him and he turned his head toward the sound, flinching and backing away as he realized the doctor had closed the distance and was practically on top of him.

“Such a terrible waste. I had so much more to learn from you.”

The long point of Dr. Picani’s needle tipped to the side as the doctor knelt in front of him. Logan started to edge away, but the doctor’s hands moved swiftly. His iron-tight grip closed around Logan’s broken wrist, pulling a gut-wrenching scream from Logan’s lips as the pressure increased on his tender, swollen muscles.

“You should thank me.” Picani sneered as he twisted Logan’s injured wrist to force him onto his side. “I'm saving you from growing old. Drift off to Neverland, another lost soul for my collection.”

Logan’s own screaming burned in his throat, muffled by the searing pain spreading like hot oil from his wrist to his chest. The doctor’s needle pricked Logan’s neck as his face pressed into the cold, white tiles and the contents of the syringe began to empty into his neck. The burning liquid began to spread out from the wound as another explosion rocked the room, even harder than before.

“What the—How did they get this close?”

The pressure on Logan’s wrist released as the doctor was knocked aside by another blast. Picani's lip twitched with irritation as he rose to his feet and stepped away from Logan, leaving the needle still hanging from his neck as he gestured to the guards in a sudden fit of rage.

“Get Patton out of here.”

Logan sunk to the ground as he watched through blurry vision as the doctor crossed his cell in two strides. Involuntary shudders racked his body as he lay on the cold floor, vaguely aware as one of the guards slipped an arm around Patton’s waist, tossing his tiny struggling body over his shoulder as though he weighed nothing. They disappeared through the door, not hesitating for a second as Virgil started to scream after him.

“I want Patton in the first truck. No one leaves before him.”

“No! Bring him back!”

“Shut up, Virgil. You’re going right along with him.” Picani’s hand latched on Virgil’s throat and the doctor pulled him from the guard's grip. His bruising grip held Virgil tight as he slammed Virgil into the wall nearest the glowing white light from the exit flickered out. “Looks like I don’t have time to make your friend’s execution swift, so it’s time to say goodbye.”

Another blast rocked the room, nearly sending Picani tumbling over as he shot a manic glance through the doorway. The sounds of explosions were getting closer at an alarming rate and Logan’s ears were ringing as he helplessly watched the doctor tuck himself into the shadows near the exit, holding Virgil in a chokehold as he peered down the hall. Virgil wheezed weakly, struggling to draw a full breath as his body was held in front of the doctor like a human shield.

“Virgil—”

His friend’s eyes flashed from the door back to him lying on the ground as he pulled at the doctor’s elbow wrapped around his throat, managing to wheeze back at Logan. “Lo, stay down. It’s gonna be oka—”

“Shut your fucking mouth.”

The next moments passed by Logan’s fading vision in a blur. A dark shadow appeared in the doorway just as Picani clapped a hand over Virgil’s mouth and pulled him out of sight, choking away his voice as the strange figure stepped into the cell. The point of their gun pointed directly at Logan on the ground, and he couldn’t do anything but hold his breath as the figure approached.

It was silent as he laid prone on the cold, hard floor, his connection to his powers severed by the cuff on his wrist. He thought he'd grown used to the absence of the comforting mumble of other's thoughts, but nothing filled him with dread quite like a world gone silent as he waited to die.

“Janus, look out!”

“You pest. Don’t you kick me—”

Logan blinked as another shadow appeared in the doorway. Everything happened so fast he'd barely opened his eyes to see Dr. Picani shoving Virgil into the second shadow, ducking down as he disappeared through the doorway.

“Get down!”

The figure closest to him shouted at his partner as he raised his gun and rushed back to the open doorway. His partner pulled Virgil out of his way, curled their body over Virgil to protect him, but the doctor and the last of the guards were already. The taller figure pointed their gun down the empty hall, as though still considering going after them, until their eyes flitted back to Virgil and their tension melted away.

“Roman, holy shit. You’re here. You’re actually here in front of me.”

“Stormcloud, it's so good to see you.”

Logan's vision darkened as Virgil threw his arms around the stranger’s neck. There was a rush of quiet whispers as his friend greeted the strangers, his voice slowly devolving into sobbing as the figures returned his emotional outburst with reassuring whispers. The voice grew less clear as the void of dreamless sleep threatened to claim Logan’s aching body and he sunk back to the ground.

“Wait, Logan—”

“Virgil, we don’t have time to waste.”

“I'm not leaving him.”

A soft touch on his shoulder made Logan flinch. On instinct, he started to pull away, but another hand came down to hold him in place. His reaction was automatic, instincts trained by the ghost of memories of nights spent at Picani’s mercy. Resisting would only make his punishment worse. His body braced for pain, but instead, the thin point of the syringe was drawn from his neck with an unexpected gentleness.

“Come on, Lo. Wake up. Don't tell me that bastard got you.”

Logan’s stomach twisted as his eyes cracked open. His heavy head dipped as he tried to stare up at Virgil sitting over him, the two unfamiliar shadows lingering behind his shoulder as his face went slack with relief at Logan’s subtle movements.

“Fucking hell, you’re alive.”

“Virgil, I'm sorry. We have to go now.”

“Not without him.”

The gentleness of Virgil’s touch was a welcome comfort as his friend eased his head into a more comfortable position. Logan's brain was too full of haze from the residual pain throbbing in his wrist to fully understand what was happening, but he did know one thing for certain. Virgil was once again putting himself in danger for him, and he couldn’t let that happen, not if it meant his friend was giving up his chance to be free.

“We have twenty-five minutes to be at the rendezvous point or we’ll all be stuck here.” The deep voice over Virgil’s shoulder seemed distantly familiar. “We don’t have a choice.”

A heavy pause hung in the air as Virgil considered the stranger’s words. “Is Remus—"

“Remus found his way home a few days ago. He's safe and far away from here.”

“What about Patton?”

“We're still on his tail, but we need to keep moving if we want to keep up with the bastards holding him.” The stranger was surprisingly gentle as he lingered at Virgil's side. “Now’s your chance to say goodbye.”

“No.”

“Dammit, Virgil.” The smooth voice sighed with frustration. “We don’t have a choice. Do you see any way to get those damn cuffs off him?”

“I'm wearing the same cuffs.”

“You are not attached to a goddamn metal bed frame that's bolted to the fucking ground.”

“If I was, would you leave me too?”

Another long pause as Virgil’s eyes shot up to the stranger.

“Roman, get him out of here.”

“What—No, don’t you dare touch me!” Virgil’s voice dropped to a threatening hiss as the other figure approached him. “Janus, please no! Don’t do this! I'll never forgive you if you do this!”

“I don’t have a choice, Virgil."

“Fuck you.” Virgil snarled as the other figure started to wrap an arm around him and Virgil pushed him away. “Fuck you both! Let go of me!"

“Virgil, don’t—”

The movement in the room stopped as Logan’s weak voice broke through Virgil’s protests. He forced his eyes open as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, ignoring the shooting pains in his neck and arm as he curled his body upright.

“You’re not going to get another chance to get out of here.” Logan’s voice was hoarse from screaming, but he managed to squeeze out the words. “Go with them. I’ll be fine.”

“No.”

“You survived in here without me, and I'll do the same.”

Logan looked away as the stranger his opportunity to pull Virgil to his feet. The loss of his friend's touch left him aching, but it was better this way. If Virgil was allowed to hold him, he may not be able to let go.

"You deserve to be free from this place.”

“So do you, Lo.” Virgil streamed down his face as Logan looked up at him. “I won’t leave you to suffer without me.”

For the first time, Logan got a chance to see the faces of Virgil’s rescuers. The slender man whose arm was wrapped around Virgil’s waist had a pained expression on his face as he held Virgil back from rushing back to Logan. His skin was flushed with a dark shade of genuine guilt and distress at Virgil’s reaction, unlike the other stranger whose lip curled with impatience.

“Roman, I told you to get him out of here.”

Logan winced as the cold stranger squatted next to him, his finger lingering suspiciously on the safety of his pistol as he gestured for his partner to drag Virgil away. The reaction was enough to make Logan tense, but he kept his eyes faced forward, trying to ignore the man's threatening aura even as Virgil’s reaction intensified.

“Janus, what are you doing?”

“I’m giving him a choice.”

“Don't you dare—” Virgil threw himself forward to break Roman’s grip, though his efforts were quickly stopped. He was too weak to put up much of a fight, but that didn’t stop him from growling his fury at the man lingering next to Logan. “If you hurt him, I’ll fucking kill you—Please, Janus. Just leave him alone—"

The quiver of Virgil’s voice sent shudders down his body as Logan watched the two strangers share a knowing look over Virgil’s shoulder. It was chilling to watch the stranger pull Virgil into their chest and whisper to him.

“Let Janus handle this, Stormcloud." The man’s voice was deep and patient as Virgil’s hands held his forearms so tightly that Logan could see his fingernails dig red marks into the man's arms. “We need to get you out of here.”

“I won't go.”

The man's forehead rested down against Virgil’s greasy, black hair as he gently coaxed Virgil down. “You’re not thinking straight right now.”

“Fuck you.” Virgil’s voice cracked as his fingers curled into the fabric of the man's shirt. “I know exactly what I'm asking.”

“Go with him, Virgil.” Janus’ emotionless tone sent chills down Logan’s spine as Virgil leaned into the comfort of the other man’s grip. “I’ll do my best for your friend, but I can’t focus on solutions if you’re still in harm's way.”

“Don’t patronize me, Janus.”

“I don’t have time to argue with you.” The stranger’s voice was dry as Logan watched the man’s weapon as the red light still flickering above them. “Roman, this is your last warning to get him out of here, or I'll carry him kicking and screaming out of here myself.”

“Fine.” Roman nodded, gently taking Virgil’s shoulder to guide him away. “Come with me, my little raincloud. Let’s get you to safety.”

“Wait—Just one more moment, please.” Virgil’s voice cracked with a hoarse desperation as he shot a glance back at Janus. “He saved Remus. That’s how you found me. Isn’t it?”

“Virgil, we’re not having this discussion any longer."

“If it weren’t for Logan, you wouldn’t have found either of us.” Virgil’s voice cracked from strain as the other stranger lifted him of his feet and carried him toward the door. “God, Jan—Please, just don’t hurt him.”

“You have no need to worry, Virgil.”

Janus’ tone softened and Logan could see Virgil relax in his rescuer’s arms as he was carried away. The sentiment would almost have been sweet, if the barrel of the man’s gun wasn't still inches from Logan’s side. He kept his eyes trained on the ground in front of him as he listened to the sounds of Virgil’s murmuring disappear into the hall. The struggle left a deafening silence behind as he found himself alone with the serious stranger, paralyzed with fear as he eyed the man's weapon in his periphery.

“Did you really save Remus?”

“My last measure of defense is gone.” Logan felt his stomach twist as he struggled to contain his anxious shaking. “You are free to act as you please now.”

“Answer the question.”

The corner of Logan’s lip twitched as he shook his head. “No, I wouldn’t say that I saved anyone.”

Janus tapped his finger impatiently. “Care to elaborate?”

“I was asleep.” Logan chewed on his lip as his limbs curled closer to his chest. “The doctor was hurting him, and your friend used my dream to guide my powers to free himself. I didn’t do anything, but let him take control.”

“You're not really making much of a case for yourself.”

“I been through worse without having to resort to begging for my life.”

“Relax, I was telling the truth, I didn’t stay behind to hurt you.” The deep voice attempted to lull him into a false sense of comfort, but his stomach twisted as the man leaned closer. “You have a choice.”

“What choice?”

“You can choose to stay here and wait for the guards to get this facility up and running again.” Janus' low voice hummed in a hypnotic drone as he watched tears well in Logan's eyes. “but I think we both know that route has no other end then a slow and painful death at the hands of miserable men.”

Logan swallowed his fear, lifting his head to make eye contact with the stranger. The man's hair was jet black like Virgil’s and his golden eyes all but glowed in the red light. The sight of him was otherworldly and unsettling as his eyes dropped to sleek reflection of the light on the gun in Janus' hand.

“So, you’re offering me a quicker death.”

“Don’t be so hasty.”

Janus drew his weapon and Logan’s heart pounded in his chest as the man leaned over him. He closed his eyes as his body went rigid with terror. The heat of Janus' body radiated close to his chest as held his breath, shaking as the man moved his gun into place.

“I said I don’t intend to hurt you.”

Logan blinked open his eyes as Janus' movements slowed to a stop. He stared at the gun in Janus' hand, pointed not at him but at the chain on his wrist. “But I thought—”

“I'd begun to give up hope, but Virgil and Remus are going home, and we may even have a chance at getting Patton back because of you.” Janus moved a hand to toward Logan’s back, waiting for him to relax and nod before wrapping his arm around to support Logan’s weakened body. “I can’t guarantee this will work, but I'll give it a shot."

Equal parts of awe and distrust stirred in Logan’s stomach as the man looked down at him. “What do you expect in return?”

“Nothing, but that doesn��t mean this plan is without risk.” Janus’ golden eyes lowered to meet Logan’s look of unease. “These tiles are designed to be impenetrable, so the bullet could ricochet, killing one or both of us before we even had a chance to react.”

Logan’s eyes flitted up to Janus’ carefully neutral expression. “You know nothing about me. Why would you take that risk?”

“Because I've been chasing my brother’s shadow for years.” Janus whispered back. “That bastard doctor has stayed one step ahead of me, just out of reach as he torments him.”

“Your brother?”

“Virgil.” Janus whispered quickly. “You ended his suffering, so I only have one thing to ask of you if you survive.”

Biting his lip, Logan bowed his head and nodded. There was always a cost.

“If the ricochet takes me, you head north down the corridor. There are a couple vehicles waiting to take anyone we rescued to a safe place.” Janus pointed the barrel of his gun to indicate the correct direction before returning it to the chain on Logan's electronic cuff. His reply came without a hint of bitterness as he rested his finger on the trigger. “If you live, you head there and you keep fighting for the life we've given back to you.”

Logan blinked back at the stranger’s glistening eyes in disbelief. “That’s all?”

“Tell Virgil that I'm sorry I didn’t make it back.”

Logan looked up into the stranger’s eyes, feeling a familiar sensation of nervousness as he searched Janus' eyes for signs of deception. The man's black tattoos stood out in the dark as Logan pulled his swollen, throbbing wrist against his chest.

“Fine, you have a deal.”

Janus seemed to relax as Logan nodded. “Thank you.”

‘If—If I’m the one who dies,” Logan murmured. “Tell Virgil I do not wish for him to be angry with you.”

A thin smirk curled on the stranger’s lips as he dropped his voice. “I doubt telling him that will be enough for him to forgive me.”

“Tell Virgil that the first night we met, he held a blade to my throat but he also was kind enough to offer me food. You and I weren’t enemies in the end either.” Logan cut him off, feeling a slight tremor in his words as Janus’ eyes narrowed on him. “At least, I hope not.”

Janus nodded as he held the gun pressed against Logan’s chain and closed his eyes as his finger rested on the trigger.

“We’re not enemies.”

Logan didn’t look up at him. Janus' statement lacked certainty, but the man didn’t seem hostile toward him either. “Good.”

“If you need to make peace with your beliefs, now is your chance.”

“I've met the devil.” Logan shook his head as he closed his eyes. “I have nothing left to fear.”

Their bodies tensed together as Janus finger eased down on the trigger. The sound of the gunshot shattered Logan’s remaining composure, forcing him to shake as the sound of the ricochet bounced off the tiles.

An eternity seemed to pass as Logan’s wrist dropped from the broken chain and he waited for the echoing bullet to stop. His body flooded with adrenaline that blocked out all other sensations as he leaned into Janus’ soft chest, waiting with bated breath until the bullet landed with a thud into the mattress.

Inches from his head.

Blinking, Logan looked back at the hole. He'd narrowly escaped death and suddenly Janus was rising to his feet, muttering about how they need to get moving. The ringing in his ears drowned out his companion’s voice. Even as Janus' arms scooped him off the ground, he was still with shock as he was carried into the dark hall.

He couldn’t believe what was happening.

He was free.

L’Appel Du Vide/ Logan-Centric Taglist:

@demon9980 @brightfluorescentlighting

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vinbee631 · 9 months

Text

11 - I Feel Badly About You Feeling Badly About Me, Feeling Badly About You

Prodigal Sons and Daughters Alike

Remus had been a little hesitant to reach out to the school’s counselor about something, he felt, should have been easily solvable all on his own. Or, with some help from his friends, at the most.

Chapter title from Therapy from tick, tick… BOOM! My heart goes out to those too intimidated by therapy to go, and Remus' heart goes out to you as well, despite being imaginary.

Remus had been a little hesitant to reach out to the school’s counselor about something, he felt, should have been easily solvable all on his own. Or, with some help from his friends, at the most.

It was also a little anxiety inducing to think that he had to talk about all that had happened with an adult, someone with much more developed emotional maturity than him. He’d definitely made some mistakes in this whole process, and he didn’t really want to be judged for them. He especially didn’t want to be judged in a meeting that he scheduled and very much needed.

A part of him knew that Dr. Picani definitely wouldn’t be judging him, that kinda went against the whole- counselor and teacher business, but it could still happen. The possibility was… probably more worrisome to him than it should be, but tell his stupid brain that.

He sighed, pocketing his phone after his eighth attempt to text the guy. He needed to psych himself up a bit more before he tried again, or he could try asking Roman to write the text for him when they met up for lunch. That usually helped.

In what was perhaps a cruel and possibly a fortunate twist of fate, Remus ended up being a bit late for that.

On his way from his last class of the morning, he stumbled across Virgil in the hall and waved brightly in his direction. Normally, Virgil would simply roll his eyes and brush past, but today he seemed particularly prickly.

He gave Remus a harsh glare, slowing as they got closer. “What do you want?”

“Uh… to say hi? Like I usually do? Is there a problem with that?” Remus asked honestly.

“Yes, there is a problem with that. I’m so… I don’t get how you can just openly ignore the fact I asked you to leave me alone. You’re not accomplishing anything by pissing me off constantly.”

“Uh, technically, you only asked me to leave you alone once, and that wasn’t even out loud. I’ve talked to you several time after that and tried my best to make it clear that I literally just want to be your friend. If you don’t want that, that’s totally fine, but you’ve never made that clear. Don’t get mad at me for your own confusion, please.”

Virgil snarled, raising a finger and opening his mouth to berate him once more, but he stopped himself, mouth hanging open for a few seconds. Eventually, he closed it, and in a moment of desperation, hissed at him before stomping off.

Remus would have laughed, if he wasn’t so disappointed by the interaction.

“Is there a problem?” A teacher Remus didn’t recognize stuck their head out into the hall to investigate the noise, probably aiming to scold the two of them for yelling in the halls, but Virgil was already gone.

Remus slumped. “Not anymore, I guess.” The teacher looked confused, but with no evidence of a fight or argument they needed to break up, they slipped back into their classroom.

“Everything alright, Remus?” The boy in question jumped at the voice behind him, turning to face a slightly sheepish Dr. Picani.

“Uh, yeah, everything’s fine! What brings you to this corner of the world?” He asked casually, smiling just a bit too wide to be considered normal.

“Well, I, as most humans do, need to acquire sustenance to keep myself going! But, I happened to- er, overhear some of that colorful discussion, and I just wanted to check in and make sure everyone was alright. You could accompany me for a moment if you’d like to talk it out?”

Remus flushed at the question. “I… well, I wouldn’t wanna interrupt your lunch. Food is important… and all that.”

Dr. Picani smiled patiently. “That wasn’t really what I asked. The question was if you wanted to talk about it, but no is an acceptable answer.”

“Uh… yeah, I kinda do,” Remus admitted, picking at his nails as he spoke.

“Well, then, if you’re not busy, we can pop back into my office for a bit! I can’t imagine it will take a whole hour, and I dare say I won’t starve if I put off eating by a few minutes.”

Remus wasn’t quite sure how to responds, so he nodded silently and followed, falling in step with the counselor.

He wouldn’t call the silence that followed awkward, but it certainly was not comfortable. For him, at least, Picani seemed to be relatively calm. He even smiled gently in Remus’ direction when they accidentally made eye contact.

Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have been so worried about this.

He sat across from the doctor, surprised at how comfortable the chairs were. Picani didn’t say anything as he sat, merely stared at Remus expectantly and patiently.

Remus took a breath, and thought back to where this all started from.

“I… it’s kind of a complicated story, but… I’ve been trying to get to know Virgil some more, or at least freaking talk to him for once, but- being his friend has been annoyingly complicated and he is annoyingly stubborn!”

Picani nodded for him to continue, gracefully ignoring the somewhat tamer but still quite colorful language Remus opted to use.

“He wouldn’t talk to me in person so I started leaving post-it notes with random conversation starters and stories about myself and junk. Then, I used one as an invitation to eat lunch together, and he completely freaked out. I guess he thought I was pestering him or bullying him or something, and he chewed me out for it so I stopped.

Then, I thought maybe I should try giving him the notes in person so they would be more sincere, or something, but he just yelled at me about it again! I just- I guess I should probably listen to what he wants now, but he looks so lonely all the time, and it sucks! I don’t think it’s healthy for him to be isolating himself so much, either. I just… I dunno what to do.”

Emile frowned sympathetically. “That does sound quite frustrating. I admire that you’re willing to take the time and reach out to him, though. He seems pretty intent on maintaining his independence, but there is a large difference between independence and self-isolation.”

“Right? I just… I don’t wanna hurt him, or make him hate me, but how am I supposed to be friends with him if he won’t talk to me, or even listen to me at this point?”

The dean seemed to think for a moment. “Well, you’ll probably have to try a different method, if the other two resulted in genuine anger on Virgil’s part. Have you considered a more action-based approach?”

Remus tilted his head curiously. “What do you mean by that, Dr. P?”

“Instead of using notes to talk to him, or conversation starters, you could try to get to know him by doing something with him? Or, asking for his help with something? Inviting him to spend time with you or talk to you might not be the best, but asking for a second opinion on a school project could be a way to segway into a more casual conversation. Just a thought.”

Remus’s confused frown quickly phased into an enthusiastic smile. “Oh, oh, that’s actually super smart! I… yeah, I have some ideas now, thank you so much!” He jumped up from his seat, planning to head straight to his room to brainstorm, but Emile interrupted him before he could run off.

“Remus? Before you go, just be careful. I can see you care a lot about him, but running yourself into the ground for one friend would be just as unhealthy of an outcome as Virgil isolating himself. So, be gentle, okay? With yourself and with Virgil.”

Remus nodded. “Of course, teach. I’ve got it all under control. Thank you!” And he raced off.

…

He’d planned to hiad straight back to his room to brainstorm, but his stomach grumbling interfered with that plan. Then, he remembered Roman was likely waiting for him, and he ended up in the cafeteria, drumming his fingers on his lunch tray as he rushed over to where his friends were sitting.

“Alright, what’s the new idea, Re? Roman teased, ironically enough. Of course, he thought that Remus wouldn’t have come up with something new already, but he was always full of surprises.

“Gonna ignore the teasing and interpret that as genuine! I just had a very inspiring conversation with Dr. Emmy, and he gave me- like, maybe the best idea any of us has come up with.” “He is, literally an adult, and also a teacher. I hope the fact he has more emotional intellingence is not surprising to you,” Janus noted, laughing as Remus whacked him lightly on the arm.

“Well, yeah, obviously. It’s still a good idea, but I can’t use it yet. I mean… I can, but I don’t think it’s gonna work out the way I want unless I have help. So, hear me out? Please?”

Roman raised an eyebrow. “I agree to nothing until you tell us what we’re getting into. Also, we are talking about getting to know a real person, so maybe don’t treat it like we’re brainstorming ideas for a particularly pesky school assignment?”

“Right, yeah, you’re right. So- yeah, I’ll explain anyway. Well… Vee kinda yelled at me earlier when I tried to hand-deliver another note, and Emmy ran into me right after that lovely little talk and let me vent about it.”

As he explained, Roman’s eyebrows shot up into his bangs. “That explains where you went, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Remus chuckled ruefully. “Anyway, I wasn’t actually fishing for advice, but he is a counselor, so that makes sense. But, he was like- he suggested starting with something action-based instead of conversation-based. The notes were all conversation starters and invitations to spend time talking, but this is like, inviting him to help us with something or to work on a project together, y’know?”

The others reacted fairly similarly to Remus: excitement at the new idea, bafflement they didn’t come up with that first, and perhaps a bit of annoyance for that same reason.

“Well, then, I suppose you were right to be so enthusiastic,” Logan conceded, leaning on his hands as he began to brainstorm.

“Yes, that is a wonderful new perspective, but is there a specific reason you decided we all need to be involved for it to work?” Janus questioned, growing a bit concerned as Remus immediately slumped in his seat.

“Well, yeah. Vee is royally pissed at me now, and as much as I want to be able to be his friend, I can’t just jump into talking to him again. Or, spending time around him, in this case. He needs space from me, I think, but you guys can get the ball rolling so that, hopefully, he’s more open to getting to know me- er, well, all of us, better.”

Patton placed a sympathetic hand on Remus’ shoulder. “That’s really considerate of you, Rem. Well, in the meantime, I bet you have already started brainstorming ways to try this out! Do you wanna share?”

Remus bounced back instantly, grinning wide as his thoughts from earlier came surging back. “Oh, Patty-cake, there are so many!”

“Well then, fire away, Re. We’ll find a way to win Virgil over yet,” Roman proclaimed with a smile to match Remus’. While he was still sorting through the disappointment he initially felt on the situation, Remus was still fairly optimistic. He just hoped Virgil could see, through all the confusion and anger, that he and the others really did care about him.

Yes, the amount of ‘scheming’ involved could be considered a red flag, but Remus reserved only his best-brainstormed plans for people he cared about. In his mind, the two were already beginning to be friends. He hoped Virgil would come to agree with him.

#sanders sides fanfiction #tss storytime 2023 #cw therapy #on a technicality #virgil sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #emile picani #he's in this more than i expected him to be

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