#how i married your mother
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Wingman
Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader
Summary: Dodger is Chris’s best wingman.
Word Count: 2.2K
Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. Not Beta’d, RPF. SMUT! Read at your own risk. Fluff, lil bit of angst, pregnancy body issues, pregnancy sex, nipple play, Daddy kink, p in v, creampie, after care, comfort fic.
A/N: This is in response to an ask from @bloomingpresent
This is part of the How I Met Your Father Series found here.
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You were about to be in a bad mood. You had about 10 minutes to get some food and you’d turn into a different person. You turned to look at Chris.
“You’re a thot and a slut.”
It was beginning.
“Ma’am!”
Chris gave you a wide eyed look.
“This is a Wendy’s.”
You scowled at the response.
You were, in fact, in a Wendy’s drive through, having felt an irresistible urge for a frosty and fries. After going to the dog park, Chris indulged you and pulled into the fast food chain.
The line was interminably long.
Dodger was resting his snout on Chris’ shoulder and you were snapping pictures as usual. You went to IG to post them and saw the ones Chris had posted from the dining room table that morning. That’s when you saw it.
You held the picture up to Chris’s face and he looked at it.
“Are you calling our dog, our beloved Dodger, a thot and a slut?”
Chris raised his eyebrow at you and adjusted his NASA hat. You looked into Dodge’s soulful eyes and patted his head.
“Dodger’s not going to get you out of this one. You know good and damn well what you did.”
You huffed and crossed your legs away from Chris.
Chris looked down and grabbed your thigh with his hand, uncrossing your legs by force and spreading them wide, but not moving his hand from just above your knee.
Anticipation made you want to squirm, but you remained resolute and continued your scrolling. When he saw that you really might be a little annoyed, he sighed.
“What are you on about Sweetie?”
You twisted your mouth, pulled up the pic again and pointed at it.
“That! That knob is clearly visible through your shorts, you… you… thirst trapper! And using Dodger to be your wingman, tuh!”
You were getting yourself worked up.
Chris squinted at the image and then rolled his eyes.
“You can barely see my… knob.” He chuckled at your euphemism. “I just thought it was a good pic of Dodge and wasn’t thinking about it being visible. You’re just a pervert.”
You were really getting heated now.
“Everyone has seen your dick Chris, and all your hoes know what it looks like through your pants. I see the thirsty thots commenting on all your pics, Darling.”
You gave him a saccharine smile and the sarcasm in your voice was not to be mistaken.
Dodger had shifted to your shoulder, trying to calm you down. He really was a good wingman for Chris.
You were almost at the window, so you turned your body away from Chris again and glared out the window. Chris knew enough to be quiet at this point.
“Frosty and fries?”
You heard the attendant at the window and smelled the food, so you turned toward them.
“Thank You.”
Chris was paying and taking the food, and the attendants’ eyes were wide.
“Holy Shit! You’re Chris Evans!”
“Yes–”
Chris responded and was cut off.
“And you’re his—”
Their eyes went down to your belly, which was clearly visible even though it was ensconced in Chris’s Petunias t-shirt from The Losers.
“Oh my God you’re–”
All at once three things happened, the attendant got their phone out, Dodger jumped up to block the view on the driver’s side window, and Chris exclaimed, “Thank you, keep the change!” while peeling out of the drive through lane.
It wasn’t until you got into the driveway and Chris let Dodger out of the car that you two looked at each other and cracked up laughing.
“I never thought I’d pay 20 bucks for a frosty and fries….”
“The look on their face…” You started laughing, then stopped, suddenly. “Oh shit, I have to pee…”
Chris came around and helped you into the house, your snack discarded on the kitchen counter as you went into the master bedroom. You’d eaten most of it on the way home anyway.
You decided to go ahead and take a hot shower, dreading the conversation. It was surely going to get out now that you were expecting. Chris would be upset. He was waiting for you on the couch.
“I have some menus. What do ya want for dinner?”
You smiled at Chris’s Boston accent and snuggled into your robe, then ordered what you wanted to eat. Then, you lay back in Chris’ arms as both your boys gave you love. Dodger was on your lap, ear on your belly, listening to the twins move. It was one of his favorite things to do. Chris’s hand was where Dodge’s head wasn’t, feeling for his children's kicks.
All you felt was surrounded by love.
Chris was kissing your neck and whispering in your ear.
“I called the publicist while you were showering and told them we had to get on a pregnancy announcement soon…”
You groaned.
“I’m sorry I insisted on Wendy’s and then the whole pic thing…I–”
“Stop apologizing. You were hangry. You’re carrying life. Double time. We were lucky to get six months of peace. Besides, I should have brought some snacks.”
Chris chuckled, and you realized he was not upset at all. You shifted and turned so you could kiss him. Dodger knew what was up. He got off your lap and disappeared.
“I love you so much, Daddy. You’re too good to me…”
You could feel Chris get hard underneath you.
You smiled into your kiss.
“I can’t believe you still find me attractive. I am a whale.”
“You are 6 months pregnant with twins. That I put there. When you let me cum inside you. Probably the very first time we had sex. That’s so fucking hot, Angel.”
Chris got you told in that sexy voice of his.
Chris reached for the tie in on the robe and your breasts spilled out. He picked up the swollen globes and licked his lips before he bent down to worship them.
He had you becoming a whimpering, wet mess on the couch before he stood up and led you back to the bedroom.
He raised his eyebrow as you giggled.
“What?”
You pointed at his black shorts, which were greatly distended at the moment, comically so.
He glanced down and smiled back up at you.
“Yeah. You get me there Mrs. Evans.”
He pulled you into his arms again and gave you a kiss and then hastily took off his clothes. Then, he came toward you again and ran his hand down the length of your body while looking into your eyes.
“Can I be inside you? That's all I wanna do right now. You are a goddess.”
You blushed at Chris’ compliments, bit your lip, and nodded. You lay down on your side on the bed and Chris just watched you for a minute.
“So beautiful…”
Chris lay down behind you and grabbed your thigh, lifting it up and open so that he could enter you. His bulbous head breeched your extra wet canal, and was seated there. After a few strokes and slides and swipes of your clit, you were shuddering at his girth, and at the feeling of such fullness and pleasure, which surely you should be used to by now.
“I’ll never get over how we fit together…”
Chris was reading your mind as he started to slowly rock inside you. He groaned as he picked up your thigh, and the pace a little. He was literally gliding inside you.
“No matter how many have seen me baby, this dick is always only for you. My one. My only. My Angel.”
“Oh Chris….”
You murmured, well on your way to heaven as your husband lit you up from the inside out.
“Mmmmmm. So fucking tight Angel. Does it feel good?”
Chris was gripping your breast and lightly rubbing the sensitive nipple. He watched your arch your back and how your mouth became an erotic ‘O’ for him.
“Damn, that mouth Angel. So so good. Need something to suck?”
You nodded vigorously, halfway hoping that he’d pull out and let you, and halfway hoping that he’d stay inside you forever.
He gave you his thumb and you took it, swirling your tongue around it.
“Ssssshhhhitttt!”
Chris’s stroke paused, and then stuttered. He bent down and sucked your neck as you felt him pulse inside you.
“You’re trying to make me cum. Aren’t you?
“Yes Daddy. Paint my walls.”
“Oh my god. Unghhhhh.”
Chris’s cock pulsed harder inside you without him moving, and then he rolled you over, lifted your hips, and gained greater leverage to fuck you right.
Your brain short circuited, because the increased blood flow had you cuming almost immediately.
Chris pistoned his spend into you as you melted around him, and you both ended in a heap on the bed. You were soon fast asleep and awoke when Chris opened your legs to clean you with a warm washcloth.
He kissed your forehead as you drifted off again, that smile brightening your life. You slept until you smelled food, which caused you to dress quickly in another of Chris’s shirts and panties and pad into the kitchen barefoot.
You walked in on a private conversation between Chris and Dodger.
“Our plan worked, buddy! She noticed and I scored. High five!”
Dodger reached up and touched Chris’s palm.
Chris’s smile faded as he heard you clear your throat and turned to see you scowling at him.
“Hi Angel. You hungry?”
Feedback. Yes. 🤩
#chris evans#ask dj#chris evans smut#chris evans imagine#chris evans x female reader#chris evans x black reader#chris evans x reader#how i met your father#how I married your mother#Dodger Evans#chris evans rpf
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Bruh emotional support ghost kid? Well thats what they are calling him
Suicide cases in gothem are about to fucking plummet boiz cause this one weird blue eyes, black haired boy is now heading to your location.
How does he know where to be? Having a bad day and are all alone? No the fuck your not cause don’t turn around now but theres some shiny blue eyes coming at you from that dark ally. Oh shit hes here to drop some information about you and your lost loved ones that he should know. Oh god the closure. How could you have been afraid on this sweet, creepy, boy who just helped you find your way.
Meanwhile Danny is chillin in Gothem cause the GIW hate it there (none of they equipment actually functions in Gothem so it’s either super haunted or actually not haunted at all). Then all of a sudden he gets approached by a random ghost begging for his help because their sweet baby girl is about to do something horrible. Oops now all the ghosts are following their most loved ones around just to make sure they are there to rush to Danny for help when all else fails. Now hes getting to fulfil his protection obsession double time because one hes helping protect people from themselves and two hes protecting everyone in Gothem by stopping people from becoming villains for revenge. Plus he gets to see first hand how hes making a difference because all those people he saved are sending him some good vibes from all across Gothem.
Thank god he followed Jazz around so much to slightly absorb some of her phycology knowledge over the years. Plus it was actually pretty interesting so she gave him her old text books. Shes also helping him deal with the rare events where he can’t save someone. Just a moment too late or he stops them but they later succeeded in the hospital. Neither are his fault. Now only if he could convince his core of that.
Anyway why Gothem you ask? Amity Park would have been just as good tbh but imagine Batmans face when he finally gets to be face to face with the emotional support ghost boy. Why is he here? Bruce is fine. Batman is fine. Hes not gonna do anything crazy. It’s just a hard time of year. Around their death always gives him grief. But hes an adult and can manage it.
“You know they are so proud of you.” The boy states. As if it’s clear as day, even though it’s Gothem and never a clear day. Batman blinks at him, stunned for a moment. “What?” This boy can’t possibly know that. No one will ever know that, Bruce can only hope. “They see their home, full of such life. That big house that felt so empty, so cold, to them as well for years. Then you filled it with Family and Love like they had always wanted for you. They are so proud of what you have turned it into. Somewhere full of life and warmth.” A small smile graces his face as finally “you have made your parents so proud” and its all he can do to contain himself. Emotions are running high and sue him because he really did need to hear that ok. The boy suddenly looks to Bruces right with a confused face “aren’t all basements like that though?” Before Bruce can even get a word in hes gone. Just vanished before his eyes.
#danny phantom#danny fenton#dpxdc#dp x dc#batman#I just wanted to write danny walking up to the buggest toughest batman and make him cry tears of relief#danny is helping his subjects find closure while always feeding his protection obsession#let him be interested in his sisters word#also god imagine bruce just having a bad time of it cause is the anniversary of his parents death#than the ghost kid just walks up and tells him exactly what he needed to heat#yes they are proud of the word batman does#he knows he has saved lives#but what about him as a father#would his father be ashamed of his parenting skills#would his mother be discusted at how he treats his children#he always remembers his parents as good parents so he wants to do right by them by also being a good parent#anyone can risk their life for another but few can be a good father#actually it’s easy just love your kids and sont walk out and leave them with an insane bitch of a mother#dad im lookin at you#and dknt marry your fucking step sister dad#isnt our family tree circle enough. why must u follow in grandmothers footsteps#at least with him is marrage related aye?#oops im rabling about my daddy issues teehee
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a little family
#buddy daddies#my art#doodles#sometimes a family is an two misfit assassins and the daughter of the guy you offed and thats a okay#but lets not talk about that#we love healing in this house and how do you heal if not after suffering#reis journey through depression and kazukis journey through grief#what 1 little girl does to a man#its 5 am all i can offer are doodles but i love them very much#i know we do reasonably get to call them cowards for not making it gay (esp at the end bc come on)#but i do love whatever relationship they have going becuase theyre just. Thats marriage babe....#theyre not going to be doing any dating with that committment that is the most domestic ass setting ive ever seen#everyone and their mother assumes theyre married/dating and doesnt even question it because theres NO QUESTION T O ASK#only the people involved apparently dont know theyre married#ok nvm they were cowards for not making it gay. but again. theyre clearly married your honor. theyre just a little stupid
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I love every "Death set Dream up with Hob on purpose" headcanon, and I love "actually I was planning to throw Chaucer at you but I can wing it pretty damn well and, once I heard Hob call me stupid, I knew, yeah that's going to be Dream's boyfriend". It takes a village (or an older sister) to get Dream a boyfriend.
Now, I'm picturing the entire Endless family blindsided when Dream comes to a family dinner like "I GOT MARRIED! LIKE TWO MINUTES AFTER THE LAST DINNER--"
"That was a literal century ago?!"
"-- YEAH. WE'RE DOING A VOW RENEWAL."
Not a single sibling clocked this. Not even Destiny.
Destiny, out loud: it was an unlikely path in my book, so I didn't give it much attention
Destiny, in his head: honestly I started speed-reading/skimming through Dream's love life paragraphs because watching him crash and burn and cause massive body counts just seemed so... repetitive and predictable?
Death: knowing our brother, I was carefully managing my expectations and was just glad he was still doing the century meetups last time I'd checked. Good for him, managing to stay with somebody for a century, that outstrips his last relationship by ... like 7 decades. Kind of offended I wasn't invited to this wedding, kind of not planning to say anything?
Desire: At this point, I stick my fingers in my ears and go "lalalalalala" whenever I hear anything about Dream and want, either him wanting or somebody wanting him, because Death said I had to stop making fun of him for how disproportionate his Yearn to Act Ratio was, and any ammunition I can't use is just ... irritating. I figured if anything really changed, my twin would tell me about his descent into misery.
Despair: He was less miserable, but I assumed it was a fluke and he'd return to his normal equilibrium eventually. And it's not like my twin let me know he'd managed to successfully want AND obtain something?
Destruction is Sir Not Appearing In This Picture.
And Delirium had more important things to think about than her brother's sad love life, like would flying fish fired out of confetti cannons be considered birds until they landed?
Meanwhile all denizens of the Dreaming are never not aware that Dream is happily married, because the weather has been perfect for years and the throne room stained glass is some variation of Hob and Dream being lovey-dovey.
Lucienne: If I see them necking in the stacks ever again I will be forced to take action, and Lord Morpheus is aware of that fact, but we haven’t had a library flood in 103 years, so overall we’re pleased.
#silly nonsense#the sandman#dreamling#dream's love life is a car accident that everybody sees coming and either goes 'AGAIN?' or prepares popcorn for#and he's very aware of that fact#which is why he's like 'can we keep this private for a little while? not ashamed of you#just very aware of how my siblings will react. a lot of wincing and bet placing'#hob: your family places bets?#dream: yeah. destiny keeps a record of all wagers but doesn't take part since he's omniscient#hob: so isn't he already aware we're married?#dream: he's the one who taught me snitches get stitches#dream: and he errs on the side of 'if you don't already know#i shouldn't tell you'#(#destiny: mother didn't raise us to snitch#desire: mother didn't raise us at alll#)#dream: so he'll keep quiet because it's not his business#hob: alright but we're wearing wedding rings and if anybody asks we're not denying we're married#dream: [touched that hob's so emphatic that they're married]#idek what century this is happening in#it'd be funny if it's 18th or 19th#therefore there'd be no quarrel in 1889#but if dream got fishbowled hob would be out for blood
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THE BROTHERS SFORZA
augh. there sure is a lot going on between them. tfw you know your older brother is wary of you so you have to navigate that fine line of proving you're useful, but not dangerously so. tfw your younger brother has the potential to be a knife in your back, but he's your brother. don't think too hard about what happened with the galeazzo. unfortunately, you're both visconti as well as sforza, and the visconti were prone to conspiracy. fucking RIP.
this definitely won't be upsetting years down the line when ascanio is near death and ludovico will be desperate to figure out how to bring his brother's body back to milan so ascanio can be interred in the same place as ludovico's recently deceased wife, beatrice d'este, and where ludovico himself has been haunting in a perpetual state of grief.
& the background of the first panel are public domain scans of two cards out of the visconti-sforza tarot deck.
Ascanio Maria Sforza: la parabola politica di un cardinale-principe del Rinascimento, Marco Pellegrini
#ABSOLUTELY BANANAS PHRASING abt one of these paragraphs btw#'metafora della sottomissione del figlio al padre' okay!! like going into that dynamic with your older brother is so. sooooooooooooo#like it makes sense. this is a dynast family. the father is dead. the eldest son was assassinated.#so now your older brother who was not the eldest brother WOULD assume the father-head of household role#and in the case of an emergency. you would fall into place as his right hand#which was. which was formerly occupied by your mother. and your older sister to the assassinated brother. so. WELL#that IS how you would prove you were useful to the state-household. it's just that.#NOBILITY IS SO FUCKING INSULAR ALL THE TIME. christ#the claustrophobia of being suspicious of your brother but having to rely on him#better to follow the plan your parents and eldest brother had in mind and marry him off to the church#italian renaissance tag#ascanio sforza#ludovico sforza#komiks tag#drawing tag#anyway eventually i'll figure out an art style i like for the renaissance cast. i think im getting close#but AUGH im still missing that feeling of 'yes. good.' im leaning towards the dead lineweight tho. that feels Right.
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"All Those Years Wasted Fighting Each Other, Charles. To Have A Precious Few Of Them Back."
It kills me how beautiful this quote is, said by Erik to Charles. Top married Cherik quotes.
#Between Rage and Serenity#xmen#cherik#xmen movieverse#xmen dofp#xmen first class#xmen apocalypse#erik loves charles so much#first class and dofp especially did SO much for this ship#hate the no homo of apocalypse but even that went hard#like legit in how I met your mother#ted talks about his wife like this#these two are married - maybe one day theyll be canon#(they are to me but yah know)
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I know we absolutely adore Sanji and Usopp being dramatic and all over the top, and it's just painfully obvious that if they got married they'd be all dramatic too. But-- After WCI, I think Sanji would have this thing with weddings,, He still likes them, of course. He wants to get married. Usopp was even concerned at first and wondered if he'd say no after what he had gone through, but he didn't. He said yes right away.
But,,, It's kind of like he forces himself to make it big and spectacular when there's no need to do it? Let me explain- Sanji tries hard to make the perfect, huge, wedding worthy of his dear sniper, or so he says. But he doesn't look too happy about it just- Stressed. More stressed than usual. He doesn't even look like he enjoys wedding stuff as much as he used to a few years ago (before WCI). Like they bring him back bad memories. So of course, Usopp has to confront him about it because there is no way he's going to let his boyfriend do that to himself.
Usopp asks him to tell him the truth about how he's feeling about all of this, and after insisting for a while, Sanji says:
"But it is supposed to be a grand gesture, right? It is supposed to be the day we show our love to the rest of the world and- And it has to be big. You deserve it, love. A grand gesture and- And I can't even choose the shitty flowers because my mind instantly fucking goes to that day and- I'm sorry. I'll just- I'll do better-"
"I don't need you to do better, Sanji. You're already doing so much. Too much, actually. We're doing this for us both, not for me only. And especially not for the rest of the world. I don't even like to be the center of attention for long! I know I say I do but my hands get all sweaty and I start shaking like a damn flan! You could make me sign a piece of paper right now that says we're married and then give me some cake and I'd be the happiest man in the world. So don't,,, Don't go through this for me just because you think I want to. You don't need to prove your love to me if it makes you suffer along the way. I already know how you feel."
"You mean it? Because I seriously don't know what flowers to choose and it's. Fucking killing me."
"I like daisies but- But that is not the point. I don't care, Sanji. Just- Breathe and. And we will figure something out, okay?"
So then you have two of the most dramatic men in the world getting married in the simplest of places (their ship) with only a bit of decoration (that Chopper, Nami, and Robin helped with), music provided by Brook, rings made by Franky, and the whole thing being officiated (of course) by Luffy. So it is not that big or spectacular or whatever. It isn't even long and they quickly wrap it up so they can go have the feast Sanji makes (which is actually the one thing he was excited about).
#you know how lily and marshall get married in how i met your mother? well something like that kind of#also usopp gets his daisies dw#one piece#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso
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last ask and sorry for bothering you but, there is this stupid idea : chrollo having the hots for a brown darling. knowing how messed up pakistan/india's dating and marriage system is, he cant even be her boyfriend without her having massive issues lol. its not just that darling doesn't want to date him, its that her parents will kill her if they find out. its straight up kidnapping lol. i cant imagine him trying to act as a religious, pious and well meaning suitor that's too cringe.
dont get me started on "the only man you may reveal yourself to is your husband" asshole gonna use it to his advatage.
There is no way he is walking through the door and telling your parents that his second name is Lucilfer. But that's not even the problem. The problem is how in the name of all things holy did you come to know a man. A male specimen out of all the unholy things in this land and let him into your house to meet your parents.
If the excessive interrogating wasn't enough, the taunts that you're outside and being friends with men like it's no big deal are enough to warrant a month full of therapy to undo the damage to your psyche.
The arranged marriage culture would honestly baffle him. Chrollo doesn't understand why people would weigh such superficial and shallow traits so heavily when searching for a partner. It certainly doesn't sit right with him either when he's rejected by your parents for not being as cultural as them. He has money and he cares for you. Isn't that what's supposed to matter?
Chrollo doesn't see the point in keeping up such exhaustive appearances of being religious, pious and adhering to cultural values so he takes the easy route: making you disappear. Despite his initial dislike of what he called restrictive values, he has no problems with using them against you. It's true that you're only supposed to reveal yourself without hesitation to your husband, and he's the only man- er, human - left in your life. Isn't that a wonderful coincidence?
#Chrollo hears of medical colleges being filled with girls and most of them getting married off never to practice medicine made him lose hi#his* sense of logic for a while#what do you mean they work so hard to get into medical college just to get a decent marriage proposal?#that explains why the healthcare system is in shambles#and why a third of the population consists of engineers#that aside he'd probably get rejected by the parents for being too 'not brown'#i have a lot to say about yans with brown darlings because it has so much potential with the way the marriage market is#but Chrollo might immediately see the situation and think *im not doing that*#how is he supposed to show your parents that he's the best suitor when the first question is what his father does for a living#he can't just say *oh i grew up in a lawless land without any caretaker and i dont officially exist in legal records but i love you daugh#daughter very much so cant i get some slack?*#immediate rejection lmao#mother probably doesnt like how he seems emotionless#the generational trauma of emotionless men resurfaces and its an immediate no from her too#ask#zain-is-done2004#chrollo brainrot
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got the tldr of the vid that I'm Not Watching All That & somewhat amusing how the straw breaking the camel's back for people over James Somerton is his blatant and unashamed plagiarism (as it should be genuinely i don't think you can nor should recover from this) like he hasn't regurgitated for years vile, unempathetic, ahistorical and Purely Just Wrong information about gay history including about the fight for legal same-sex marriage in the US and the AIDS crisis. like an alarming amount of people truly heard his ass say "all the good fun funky artistic and radical gays died of aids and all those who were left were unfun stuck-up prudes and conservatives also the fight for legal same-sex marriage was an assimilationist ploy by the latter who just wanted big gay weddings" as if the gay men who survived the epidemic didn't literally lose lovers and friends and entire communities and long-term partners who they shared a life with and who were denied any crumb of this previous life at their death because there was no legal recognition for same-sex cohabitation and unions and their homophobic family could tear everything from the surviving partner thanks to this lack of recognition and let it slide.
some people out there were truly so eager to shit on the boring assimilationist prude gays who survived aids by being stuck-up prudes and who just wanted "big gay weddings" they made up in their minds to get mad at that they turned their brains off and let it slide. they could've used their smoothed-out brains for ONE minute & found out that surviving took 1) plain boring luck and 2) radical, loud, proud gay activists campaigning for safe/safer sex and the information campaigns they led, as well as the protests and demonstrations they undertook to make the government fucking care for once. and that legally-recognized unions [be they civil or religious] were a matter of survival for the partner left behind. some people out there truly let a business major with a turtleneck (possibly the definition of boring) passing himself off as cool and radical and an intellectual tell them homophobic bullshit. and did not blink. like OF COURSE this guy's gonna be a plagiarist. he needs to get his information from SOMEWHERE. because when he tries to formulate his own stuff it's complete fabrications or the frankensteining of multiple sources that he manages to misunderstand/misrepresent threefold over. trying to fit a knit sock over the foot with the inside out and wonder why that itches.
i know many people in his audience are likely very young and also likely american and as such did most of their growing up in a world where their country (1 out of 195. give or take.) had legalized gay marriage but i cannot even begin to describe 1) how Young legalized gay wedding is, even in ""the west"" and 2) how many. other countries there are. my country legalized same-sex marriage before the US did. i am not even 25 and i still remember the hordes of catholics marching down the streets chanting homophobic slogans, implying the only reason two mommies or two daddies would want to raise a child together is for nefarious, vile purposes. i still remember families having to drag their asses into court to argue that, yes, a woman who raised a child for its whole life with another woman she's in a long-term committed cohabitated relationship with should have the right to be considered a direct guardian even if she's not biologically related to the child, and spending thousands of bucks having to argue their case in court. this might be shocking to some, but there are countries where homosexuality is punishable by death. in others, not by death, but by imprisonment. in others, not by imprisonment, but by ""medical intervention"". in others, not by ""medical intervention" but by fines. and in some others still, you can be gay (yay!) but you still cannot get married or civil-unioned, and the very same shit that was discussed in the 80s is still discussed now. the right to stay a guardian of your partner's child if your partner dies or is ill, so the kid does not go into foster care. the right to inherit your partner's property according to married rights instead of having through long annoying time- and money-consuming legal processes. the right to arrange your partner's funeral or have a say in their medical choices if they're incapacitated instead of their (potentially homophobic) families.
like We Are Not There Yet. we are not in a world where any homosexual can truly, fully, wholeheartedly assimilate, whether you consider it a good thing or not. fun gay artists and boring uninteresting gay office workers die the same death that we all do. the one you don't wake from. and guess what. all types of homosexuals, regardless of which ones you pick and choose to be mad at, are affected by homophobic legislation. not just the ones you think should be spared because they're oh so fun. and oh so radical.
donate to the rainbow railroad org if you can. they help LGBT+ people escape state-sponsored violence. a singular nail on one of their members' hand does more activism and real-life good than any mfer making video essays could do in his entire life.
#also were the two gay male writers who died of AIDS who's shit you stole of the ''fun artistic gays'' or the boring ones? you seem to like#their stuff enough to steal. you want their talent their eloquence and their presence; which is missed; sooo bad you look stupit!#also gay people have always gotten married. privately; clandestinely; in secret; in shame often.#gay people have had commitment ceremonies for as long as we've had partners.#like even if some of us did want ''big gay weddings''. by all means cope and seethe that no one wants your hand in marriage#and to dedicate their lives to you as you do to them publicly; to the world's face. but that's a skill issue.#not making this shit rebloggable i'm just complaining about the guy. have disliked him for a while for this ^ & also his fabrication of#how Radclyffe Hall's trial actually went. like you can literally wikipedia this shit.#unrelated me and my dad have this joke where when i feel like my academic life is not too great/i maybe should have done something else#i go ''well i might have gone to the Unemployment Factory; but at least i'm not a Business Student [shocked face] [retching face]''#and my dad hysterically laughs. all of the worst people he's ever met had been business students once.#anyways. allmother mother of all great priestess of dishing out Ls to the deserving#thank you for having taken this man down in such a glorious colossal blaze. CHEH!#neigh (blabbers)
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I Still Have You
Paring: Chris Evans x Reader
Word count: 1.5 K
Summary: It’s a very pregnant Christmas for the Evanses.
Warnings: 18+ As always, MINORS DNI. RPF, SMUT. Not Beta’d. Flashbacks, discussion of miscarriages, grief, angst, beach vacay, piggy back ride, Kit cooking, family dynamics. Graphic depiction of pregnancy sex. Dunkin’. But mostly fluffy fluff.
A/N: This is for #DJ’sAllIWant4KChristmas and based on this ask. Also listen. Look me in my eyes. This was not easy for me to write and I don’t want to see any dumb comments about miscarriages. Heed the warnings. This is a part of the How I Met Your Father AU.
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Chris’s hand snaked around your baby bump and pulled you flush against his chest. You snuggled back against him and his hard body.
“Hmmmmm…G’morning.”
Chris buried his nose in your fragrant curls, your bonnet having come off in your sleep. You were less able to be comfortable as your pregnancy progressed, but luckily this pregnancy was healthy, despite the worry of the first few weeks.
You’d lost two pregnancies since you had the twins 12 years ago. You and Chris had been heartbroken, but decided not to try again and that your family was complete. You loved and lived life to the fullest.
However, when the twins were 12 years old, you discovered through a home pregnancy test that you were expecting again. It was right before your family trip last summer, and you were on edge for the first few days of the vacation.
You decided to tell Chris as you walked on the beach on the second evening.
“I have a secret to tell you, Chris.”
“What is it, Angel?”
Chris was a little concerned, you’d been jittery and moody. He stopped and looked at you in the light of the golden hour. You were so beautiful.
“Is everything okay?”
He reached for you and pulled you into his embrace. You relaxed into his strength, his warmth, and his smell. And you started crying.
“Chris. I…I’m… I’m”
“Shhhh. It’s okay. I know you’ve been stressed. What with the new position, the twins going to junior high and your cousin’s graduation and this trip.”
He kissed the top of your head.
“I see how exhausted you’ve been, falling asleep on the couch every night. That’s why I had hoped that you would take this opportunity to relax…”
“Chris. I’m pregnant.”
Chris didn’t believe he’d heard you. Your last pregnancy was over five years ago. He’d gone ten toes down for his perfect little family. And he didn’t know if he could go through that loss again. He knew you couldn’t.
Chris drew back to look you in the eye.
“What did you say?”
You looked into the deep blue pools of his eyes and took a deep breath.
“I’m pregnant.”
“But… how?”
You couldn’t help but laugh at him. He joined you.
“I mean…”
He grinned at you, your laughter making him stronger.
“Well, you’ve always had that super soldier sperm. And it’s rare, but vasectomies can fail…”
Chris just blinked at you.
“Oh my god. We’re gonna have another baby. When?”
Chris was absolutely giddy.
“I haven’t been to the doctor, but maybe in about eight months? January?”
Chris was still in shock.
“Boy or girl? Twins or just one?”
“Yep!”
You both broke down in laughter. You were beginning to think you could do this.
A jolt of joy suddenly struck Chris. He couldn’t wallow in grief; this was another chance.
He picked you up and twirled you around.
“CHRIS! CHRIS! I’m gonna throw up!”
You were laughing, but also about to hurl.
“Oh shit. I’m sorry. I just. I love you so much. And I love us. And the twins. And this bundle of joy in here.”
Chris’s warm palm covered your belly, and you reached up to kiss him, for a moment, all fear of loss gone.
He beamed down at you and you up at him.
“I love you too, Chris.”
You smiled at him again, and then hugged him.
“How are you? Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine!”
Chris looked back down the beach.
“It’s too far for you to walk back.”
“No, I’m…”
He turned around and bent down. He looked back at you over his shoulder.
“Get on.”
“Chris, you’re being…”
“Get on, Y/N.”
You sighed and climbed on his back. Chris easily stood up and set off toward the beach house. You put your chin in his shoulder and started to think as he effortlessly carried you back.
“Chris…”
“I know. We’ll wait until we go to the doctor to tell anyone.”
You nodded, grateful for the connection between you and your husband. After you told Chris, you were able to relax and enjoy the rest of the trip.
Telling the twins after you were past the 12 week mark was an experience.
“You two are disgusting.”
“Wynn Angel Evans! You need to watch your tone.”
“I’m sorry. But aren’t you both a little old for this?
Chris wasn’t having it.
“Do you want to go to your room until you’re as old as we are?”
Wynn got quiet, not used to harsh words from her dad. CJ was just silent. You sensed some warring emotions in him. You two had always been close. He looked at you with those eyes just like his dad’s and you knew. You cocked your head and CJ came to give you a hug. You held your arm out for Wynn, who sat on the other side of you, between you and Chris.
“Listen. I know this is a lot. And you’re right, I am older, but I’m not that old. But dad is.”
You nudged Wynn and laughed as Chris protested.
“Hey!”
Now there was laughter in the room.
“And neither of you have to worry that you will be replaced. We will love you forever. Our hearts will just get bigger.”
You looked from twin to twin.
“Yours will, too.”
Everyone calmed down a bit after that, catching the joy of a new life in the house. You took a sabbatical from work in order to take care of yourself.
That was over six months ago. You’d had a healthy pregnancy and were excited to meet the new member of the Evans family. At Christmas you were 37 weeks. So close.
You snuggled back onto Chris’s erection as he gently felt up your sensitive breasts. Your nipples pebbled as he pressed his lips to the side of your neck.
“What are you up to, Daddy?”
You felt Chris’s dick jump against your backside.
“I’m trying to make you feel good. Give you an extra present after yesterday’s festivities.”
Chris’s hand moved down your side and slid under your belly to slip his thick fingers into your panties.
You moaned as he found you wet and wanton, moving against his hand for more friction.
Chris gently but down on your pulse point, causing you to keen.
“Chris…”
“What do you want, Angel? What do you need?”
Chris was grinding against your panties, the wet tip of his cock promising something that he had yet to give you.
“You, Chris, Please…”
“Oh My beautiful girl, you don’t need to beg. This is always for you.”
As he whispered praises in your ear, Chris was lifting your thigh, pulling your panties to the side, and slowly entering you while laying down
“Oooohhhh….”
You arched and threw your head back onto Chris’s chest. The shudder as he entered you was inescapable.
“Dammmmmnnnnn, Angel. So so tight.”
Chris was fully seated inside of you and gripping your hip to keep control.
Lovemaking wasn’t vigorous anymore, but it was needed. And you knew that It would be a while after the baby came. You wanted to savor this connection.
“Ohhhh. Chrissy. Please. Give it to me…”
“Nnnnnnnghhhh!”
Chris moaned.
“You always have me wanting to lose control. Lose myself in you… My favorite thing.”
“Hmmmmm.”
You licked your lips as Chris started moving, him looking down over your shoulder as he watched you cream on his dick in the early morning light.
“Even after all these years?”
The kiss he gave you on your cheek would have been chaste, except that his huge cock was invading your fat, swollen, sensitive cunt.
“For many more to come, god willing.”
Chris started pumping a little harder now.
“Please, I want to die like this..”
Chris kissed the side of your neck as he rocked his cock deep inside you and his words made your heart swell and beat in time with his, and you started to climax.
“Ohhhh…ohhhhhhh, ohhhhh! Chris!”
“God you’re squeezing me… I can’t. I can’t hold it damn you make me…”
Chris thrusted for dear life as he emptied his seed into you. He lazily thrummed your clit, causing you to shudder as you came down.
A few minutes later, Chris carefully slipped out of you and led you to the shower, where he lovingly washed you both up. Your eyelids were drooping.
“Get some rest, mama. I’ll get you some food.”
One hour later, your growling stomach and kicking kid propelled you out of bed to the kitchen, where you caught the tail end of an argument between Chris and Kit who had come to Massachusetts with your family for Christmas. Wynn and CJ were watching, enthralled.
Someone (you guessed Kit) had tried to make pancakes in the microwave. What resulted was a rubbery mess.
“You really can’t cook, can you?”
Chris was grumbling as he cleaned up the mess.
“No shit, Sherlock. When in the 13 years that you’ve known me, have you known me to cook?”
Chris scowled.
“Then why did you say yes when I asked you to make breakfast for your best friend?”
“Because I will do anything for her. And don’t you forget it, Dude Bro.”
Kit was threatening Chris with a rubber pancake.
“How ‘bout we go to Dunkin’?”
You chuckled as you rescued your husband from certain doom.
Less than 24 hours later, Jack Arthur Evans was born, healthy at 7 lbs 8 oz two days after Christmas.
The moment everyone met him, no one could imagine the world without him.
When in doubt, reblog it out!
#dj’salliwant4kchristmas22#chris evans#ask dj#chris evans smut#chris evans imagine#chris evans x female reader#chris evans x black reader#chris evans x reader#himyf series#HIMYF#how i married your mother#Chris evans rpf#love you maroonsunrise83 💋#dj will answer
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Looking back at Girl Meets World, it will forever irritate me especially for how they handled/treated Angela. Oh this show really hated black women because how do you not only 1.) describe her, one of (correct me if I'm wrong) only few black and MAIN characters of the og show, as a "concept" 2.) have characters show obvious disgust at the small mention of her name 3.) depict her as a homewrecker for a new relationship that, really, shouldn't have ever happened 4.) have her old friends treat her like dirt and her old lover like she is the root of his problems, when there was nothing but positive love there 5.) reuse all the concepts from said previous love story just to elevate the new ship with a yte woman and 6.) compare her to Hurricane Katrina, one of the deadliest hurricanes that caused significant numbers of death, harm, misplacement, and trauma to people, largely of whom were black? Mind you, all these points I mentioned were toward the only main black character of the OG show before the spinoff, and the only, from what I can remember, black female character of the spinoff who didn't even stay long. Not even getting into the racist drama with some of the members on set, but you cannot look me in the eye and tell me that the way the show handled Angela, her story, and her relationship with the other characters + Shawn wasn't fucking disrespectful, you can't because I won't believe you.
#boy meets world#girl meets world#like this show had so many issues (from its depiction of autism to religious intolerance to supporting grooming)#but this was a whole other level#it was especially hurtful as a young black girl to see growing bc i really tried to like this show with its lacking diversity#but coming from watching bmw to this a show from the 90s that depicted a black character better than a 2010s show- u get my point#and its so wrong bc it depicts angela as being the one to end the relationship when all she said in bmw how she#didn't want to see her leaving as a goodbye and there was ambiguous hope for the future#also shoving shawn to be with maya's mom was really unnecessary#not only bc of how it depicted being raised in a single parent household so negatively#but that the only way to solve maya's problems was for her...to have a dad? like that really isn't how it works#i blissfully live in the delulu where angela and shawn came back together once she left europe and he eventually married her#after they graduated college and have a beautiful family together#shawn x angela#don't even get me started on how whenever there was a guest cameo it was met audience applause and happy reactions#but when it was for angela: crickets 😬#back to maya- i feel like it would have been better for her story if shawn didn't marry her mother (and was with angela) and u would see her#hope and wish for the opposite to where it nearly consumes her only to finally be sat down and informed that#even if shawn isn't with your mom he'll still be in your life as a father figure no matter what#i personally feel like that would've been better#but this is largely just s rant so forgive the structure of it al
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its so funny recognizing yourself in your parents and by funny i mean im going to be sick
#i hate my mother. i love my mother. i will always be her child. i will always be a stranger. i hate my mother. i love my mother.#like same woman who points a gun at me on the regular and mocked and laminated my suicide note when i was a kid to pass out at a family bbq#and the same reason i have such bad body image issues and chemical scars and burns.#but also. thats my mother. its the same woman who married a stranger because her two kids were homeless under a bridge after#my bio dad stole her car. its the same woman who held my hair back when i was sick as a child. who made cookies when i was depressed.#its the same woman who i had to talk down because she wanted to kill herself before she hit me and called me weak.#i miss my mother. i dont know if i ever had a mother. i love her. i need to move and never be around her.#its so difficult when you KNOW she has mental illness that runs in the family too. i know what impacts her behavior and how alike we are.#i know its not an excuse for the consistent abuse she still puts me through. i know this. i know i shouldn't feel guilty for my feelings.#i dont know what my feelings are.#i hate my mother to the point ive tried to kill myself to not be around her. i love her more than anyone else.#when your mother is a prophecy of all you might be as youre a reflection of all she could have been *family guy death pose.jpeg*#anyways. sorry for the rant heehee i am normal and going to bed before i craw out my skin and into some yellow wallpaper ^_^
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i love the voice acting for both hunter and willow in the willow park depression arc. she’s having a panic attack and hunter delivers his lines like “i feel the exact way, but i know what youre saying about yourself isn’t true, and im only now realizing how this kind of thinking hurts.” nice to see how hunter is getting more used to showing his emotions and crying after spending time in the human realm. and its nice to show him passing that to willow.
#toh#the owl house#for the future#hunter toh#hunter noceda#willow park#their friendship is so important to me#their friendship with gus is also so important to me#the shipping though is ick and i stand by it#at least now they gave willow a reason to like him back but it still needed more buildup#if they didnt have enough time to fit in a good huntlow romance subplot then they should have just cut it out#my point is idc if they get married in the finale i will write a fic where they get divorced if they do#just like how idc if odalador got divorced bc of odalias character assassination i will write a fic where they get couples therapy#oh also ppl were saying everyone in the hexsquad has witnessed a signature hunter mental breakdown except for willow#and that when willow witnesses one thats when the huntlow ship will happen#its good they did it like that willow already plays mother to all her friends#if youre gonna make these two date dont make willow the sole emotional support#hunter needs to witness a signature WILLOW mental breakdown#after all these mental breakdowns hunter is finally ready to handle someone else's mental breakdown for once#gus in labyrinth runners doesnt count#'i know how it feels to want to believe in something just like how you want to believe youre dumb or whatever' hunter sweetie wtf is that#here it's much more effective
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the line about logan roy not being able to fit a whole woman in his head being said from his own daughter is so. something about daughters and their fathers something about daughters who are their father’s child something about daughters who are daddy’s little favorite daddy’s little girl but the second they start having opinions and the second they start talking back, the father holds their daughter out with open hostility and suspicion, something about how only years later will the father occasionally go, do you remember? do you remember when we used to have good days, when you used to come to me with all your wonders and your worries, do you remember when we were stuck together like glue, what happened to that and the daughter just has to give her father a rueful smile as though she hasn’t been wondering why her father built up that wall in the first place as though she hadn’t been wondering since when did her father only ever said good morning to her brothers as though she hadn’t been wondering since when did her father only ever ask her brothers to accompany him to work and something about shiv roy saying my father couldn’t fit a whole woman in his head and something about shiv roy still crying the most when she learned that her father was dead something about how shiv roy called her father the world and yet something about how shiv roy still asks her father’s closest male confidants if he was really that bad, was my father still an okay guy when they all know the truth, they all know he wasn’t a good person, but shiv roy still remembers playing outside her father’s office just to get him to come out and shiv roy still remembers her father telling her to remember, slant of light and ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh fathers and their daughters daughters and their fathers or whatever
#caroline watches tv#succession#can't believe this show is ending next week. maybe i'll be free#truly i think whatever tf is going on between shiv and logan's relationship#is the only other father-child relationship in tv that has made me want to eat cement in the same way#that joo won and han ki hwan's relationship in beyond evil makes me want to eat cement#except at least with shiv and logan. you SAW the tenderness between them sometimes#logan has a nickname for shiv. logan is the one to tell shiv to come into the company#logan is the one to tell shiv 'my daughter. my only daughter' in a way that makes me cry#logan is the one to tell shiv she is marrying a man beneath her in one breath but then he holds her hand#and says 'he's a good man.'#logan is the one to show up at shiv's wedding but he doesn't care to show up to connor's#something about mothers who tell their daughters 'you may hate your dad but you are going to cry the hardest when he dies'#something about shiv's mother being so annoyed with shiv at all hours#something about mothers who hate their daughters because they know that their daughters are 'stealing' their husbands away#which is such. a sickening sickening concept but the fact that this is genuinely how some women feel#anyways. ughughghghghh whatever. whatever.#something about how shiv is the one who i think has been hurt the most from her father#(i still haven't forgotten about that one scene in season one. that still haunts me jfc)#but at the same time. she's the one who's sobbing on the floor#and she's the one who literally schedules her grief#she's the one who just keeps going 'my dad is DEAD he is DEAD'#just like. every time i see shiv roy contemplating her father's death i hear kill bill alarm sirens in my head#just. FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFFFFFFFFF!!!
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its just . harder and harder for my man to hide it
#not that i blame him bc merlin is adorable but .#i have A Lot to say#first of all#the ep prior to this one. morgause luring him in with info about his mother#merthur sharing a similar pain due to not knowing a parent. good shit#but better than everything was 1 arthur's anger at uther and 2 how that whole thing only ended with him despising magic even more#which makes me only more intrigued about 1 what morgause is going to do next and why 2 ARTHUR'S REACTION WHEN HE FINDS OUT ABT MERLIN#now. the ep these blessed blessed screenshots are from#i. dont see the point. narratively speaking#like okay yes the girl said she owed merlin or something which im guessing is going to become useful in future episodes#apart from that though i dont see how it served the narrative like it was quite ooc for merlin#who so far has always put his destiny of protecting arthur above everything - to meet a random girl and wanting to flee w her?#like your most common couple of teens getting married in gretna green in 19th century england#i would have understood him developing a crush and wanting to protect her from harm but abandoning arthur and his mission ..... idk#it makes no sense to me so anyone is welcome to explain like genuinely#and then this scene <<<<3333 tattooing it on my eyelids me thinks#mary watches merlin#merlin
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orvphil: so real
for example used analysis on the following instances
orville's physical reluctance & difficulty kneeling to propose to jane vs. readily swinging right into such a kneel with phil during 'til we meet again
'til we meet again
(see above) noting the "both immediately becoming So happy to be doing this" and "staring at each other for an unbroken ten seconds after finishing the song which was evidently beyond simply a [hold for applause] thing"
having indeed an adorable little meet-cute, which may not be an integral part of every eventual writer/lyricist & composer partnership
when phil drops in at wingate manor and he an orville have a private little wave to each other like =)
sitting next to each other sharing a hay bale and orville gets drinks for them both and phil walks orville home
lucky day
the choreography where orville's at the piano and phil swings it out while rotating it and orville's "walking" while sitting to one side to help (my analysis: going ohhhhh ;w;)
both simultaneously answering "his" when asked whose song it is like the earnest effortless mutual admiration and appreciation huh fellas
margaret talking about protecting your heart from these theatricals; orville Is one of these theatricals, and he loves it; phil watching him / reacting in this moment including his little "hell yeah" move like he had for orville going off in lucky day
their general enthusiasm together / for each other / enjoyment of being around each other and increased ease of operating when around each other
phil wishing orville could hear his music and talking about how orville ruined his own night to save theirs, then remarking "...what a guy!" mmhm
🌈🌈🌈
#orvphil#summer stock#orville wingate#also everyone was so funny & my god they were dancing & it's so true this show was a delight. i laughed smiled applauded effused enjoyed#shoutout to orville's escaping ''don't do Anything but get married have children'' through theatre; being gay; a little luck#it's so true: william (orville) & veanne (margaret) & gilbert (phil) were all so funny & great individually & in any combo#anthony/tony (montgomery) too lmao his ''....how dare you.'' iconic#shoutout to having orville show up for 1 Sec (in pajamas i believe) for the purposes of villain i have done thy mother. he just lives here#phil is great. trying to hold it together....writer's trick from my momma Use Your Words#and then with orville helping out he can chill out & enjoy his wins & orville can have any wins & enjoy them & chill & Do Things too#and everyone is so cool to him right away. why wouldn't they be. hugging like everybody hey besties#obviously corbin bleu is being his national treasure america's sweetheart leading role & Dancing....all the praises warranted#everyone crushes their role & is a delight. including any little moments w/the ensemble / all Ensembling things. go t.j.#it was great of course & a delight & again the orvphil is extremely real. 100% the textual intention & execution. thanks cheri love you#let's get that summer 2024 show if they can / wanna for real (they want to; let's just see it shake out. summer 2024 is pure speculation)#Oh Nooo if i forgot anything & have to reblog & add to this / rewatch & re/discover any delights
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