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missmentelle · 5 years

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No, I Don’t Want to be Your Unicorn

If you’re a bisexual or pansexual woman on a dating site, and you’re open about your sexuality, you’re almost inevitably going to be flooded with messages from heterosexual couples asking if you’ll be their third partner for a threesome or an ongoing, non-committal sexual arrangement. Couples that do this are called “unicorn hunters” - because what they are looking for is about as rare as a unicorn - and they are the bane of bisexual and pansexual women everywhere. This is especially, especially true for women who mention that they are open to non-monogamy.

But when bisexual women complain about being unicorn-hunted, or attempt to discourage people from doing this, we are often met with bewilderment. Most of us have even encountered people who are downright offended that we don’t enjoy this practice. After all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with polyamory, sexual experimentation or casual sex between consenting adults. So why do bisexual women have a problem with unicorn hunting? Because:

It ruins dating apps for us. Unicorn hunters generally conduct their search by creating a dating profile for the woman in the couple, and putting her settings to “woman looking for woman”. Every bisexual or pansexual woman knows how frustrating it is to match with a cute girl on a dating app and get excited about the possibility of dating her, only to get the dreaded “Hi, we’re actually a couple looking for a third...” message. It happens over and over again. The dating pool for bisexual women who are seriously interested in dating other women is already shallow - having to weed through a sea of straight couples just makes it more frustrating than it needs to be.

It’s incredibly objectifying. Unicorn hunters usually talk about looking for a “third” the way they would talk about shopping for a pet - they’re looking for a “female” who is cute and will play with both of them. There’s generally little regard for who the bisexual woman is as a person, what she’s looking for, or whether she will get any kind of benefit out of this arrangement. The straight couple only care that she meets their extremely basic specifications, which often have the bisexual woman fulfilling the role of a living sex toy. Assuming that a bisexual woman might want to have sex with you and your partner because she likes women and men and you happen to be a woman and man is like insisting that the only two gay men you know should date each other - you are reducing a human being to their sexuality alone.

It plays into stereotypes. Bisexual women - especially polyamorous bisexual women - already have to contend with the stereotype that they are promiscuous, “easy”, sexually available and have high libidos. Being constantly chased after by people wanting casual threesomes does a lot to reinforce these damaging stereotypes. Bi/pan/poly women are just as likely as anyone else to be looking for a long-term love connection with someone they feel genuinely compatible with, and many of these women may want romantic relationships that are minimally or entirely non-sexual, or relationships that only become sexual after a very long period of getting to know one another. Getting constantly hit up for casual threesomes with straight couples can make bi women feel like no one will ever see them as a serious romantic option.

If we wanted this kind of arrangement, we would look for it. Every bisexual woman knows that this kind of arrangement is available. Every single one of us. If we were interested in pursuing this kind of arrangement, we would make it very clear. There are websites entirely dedicated to people who specifically want “unicorn” arrangements. Unicorn hunters, however, tend to disregard whatever bisexual women write on their profiles, and constantly approach bisexual women even if they’ve made it perfectly clear that they are looking for a long-term and serious romantic connection.

We’re not here to fix your relationship. Unicorn hunting is usually a straight couple’s very first attempt to experiment with non-monogamy, and they all tend to pursue it for similar reasons. There is usually some kind of issue in the relationship - boredom, restlessness, one partner’s libido not matching the other’s, unexplored bicuriosity, a desire to feel more ‘adventurous’ - and they think that having threesomes or “dating” a third partner as a couple will fix this. When a couple chooses unicorn hunting instead of swinging or opening the relationship, it’s generally a signal that there is some insecurity in the relationship; the couple might be too jealous to allow hookups if the other isn’t present, or the man might be too insecure to agree to any arrangement that involves his partner being with another man. Being the bisexual “unicorn” in these situations involves getting thrown headfirst into months or years of simmering issues that you won’t be aware of until everyone’s pants are already off, and then having a high-stakes sexual encounter with two people who care about the health of their own relationship much more than they care about you. Not great.

Long-term “unicorn” arrangements usually suck for us. "We’re looking to have a long-term girlfriend as a couple” is still unicorn hunting, and it still has all the same problems associated with casual threesome hunting, plus some extra ones. Being the “girlfriend” of a straight couple means being on the bottom rung of a relationship hierarchy - the “primary” couple’s relationship with each other will always take precedent over the bisexual woman’s relationship with either one of them. The couple may set very strict rules for themselves about when they are allowed to have sex with the "unicorn” and under what circumstances, but they will typically be free to have sex with each other whenever and however they want. Moreover, the first time that one of the couple have an issue with the "unicorn” - the first time someone feels jealous, or left out, or threatened, or they don’t think that the arrangement is appropriate after marriage/kids - the relationship with the "unicorn” will be terminated in order to save the original couple’s relationship. The unicorn’s feelings and desires will always come second. Polyamorous women are typically looking for situations where they are free to pursue as many love connections as they want, in a non-hierarchical arrangement; being locked into a relationship with just two people who consider their own bond to be the “primary” one is not an appealing option for the majority of bi/pan poly women.

#missmentelle #Bisexual #LGBTQIA #lgbtq #lesbian #poly #polyamory #polyamourous #bisexuality #unicorn #unicorn hunters #relationships

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felidfavs · 6 years

Text

thbt

someone on my tl is in a Mood clearly and are going on and on abt polyamoury but like... in the weirdest way? like theyre... retweeting things and talking abt how polyam people force it on other people and how like... its.. bad but not like, directly saying so? being all like “monogamy isnt inherently evil drop the crack pipe” type things or like “people who think polyam is the cure for monogamy r gross” “polyam people cant seem to accept some people are monogamous” and its making me hella uncomfortable not because like, the statements themselves are necessarily offensive its just... the weirdest... way of framing an arguement? like its like.. “the gays are bad for straight people stop hurting me!!!” kind of vibe and its just like... alright.... susan... thats... nice? like....???????

like, i generally consider myself polyam in theory, in a very sort of highly unlikely way? like i also consider myself demirom, like i legit dont.... do... that... much? i never understood crushes, its just not really my Thing. But as much as im aware Im CAPABLE of being interested in a person that way, im also aware, in the absurdly unlikely scenario, i could care abt more than one?

anyway not the point, point being. like. Im Pretty Fucking Sure “capability” and “necessity” are different? like, im also bi, i am Capable of being interested in whatever sex/gender, but.. i dont.. need all of them? to be with me? at all times? like. just cause someone CAN be poly doesnt... mean they arent COMPATIBLE with exclusivity?

and like, its also something that at least personally i would clarify like. anyone worth their salt isnt going to be like oh hey we’ve been dating for 2 years bUT SUPRISE NOW IM ALSO DATIN- like nah thats cheating my man, that aint poly. like any healthy relationship theres gotta b consent n shit? Like. u enter a relationship with one person and maybe at some point ur like. ‘hey. buddy. need ur opinion on something. not relevant now, but, if i ever happened to be interested in someone else, as well as you, would you potentially be cool with that’ kind of conversation u kno? and like. obviously its not exactly the most common thing and its gunna get a lot of people to be like ‘fuck no even the thought has me now doubting ur committment n shit bye’ but like, at the same time theres also like. ‘no, im not cool with that’ and ur like aight cool i will not entertain any further interest in other folks while we are in this relationship then because im not a cheating scumbag. u know? obviously everyone’s exact scenario and shit is gunna b different but like.

Clearly this person on my tl has had a bad experience and is like, scarred by it, which sucks, but then just... dont... enter into a relationship where it has the potential to branch? be clear its somethin u dont ever want? and then? ur fine? why u gotta.... backhandedly harrass peeps? u are aware monogamy is general the presumed norm? ?? u are aware any healthy relationship has articulated boundaries and informed clear consent and communication?? and if someone is “springing” or “enforcing” polyam on you thats not..... thats not polyam thats cheating????? and theyre just ??? not being respectful n shit?????????? thats just a Bad Person??????????

anyway this was a long rant abt a very silly thing that has been rubbing me the wrong way all morning.

also just the way they talk abt shit in general is just. weird. and im not into it. and i dont even remember why i followed them and i want to unfollow but i also dont want to unfollow now immediately after them posting this shit LOL

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adambstingus · 7 years

Text

6 Guys Youll End Up Dating When Youve Been Single For Too Long

I’m writing this post from my bed.

I’m un-showered, even though I came home from CrossFit three hours ago.

I’m slugging back red wine and crushing a party size-serving of chips and salsa.

I turned my phone on silent an hour ago, just so I would stop checking to see if the guy I like has responded to the text I sent earlier.

Needless to say, I dont think you get much more single than this.

There are nights when I rejoice in it, and there are nights when I sulk in it.

Tonight, its the latter.

But as I sit here, elbow-deep in a bag of Tostitos and knuckles clenched around a topped-off glass of wine, I cant help but be grateful for this single life Ive been living for almost a year now.

Its an unexpected and for me unwanted learning experience.

I say its “unwanted” because Im the relationship type.

Ive never had a one-night stand (nor will I ever).

I like commitment.

Dating gives me anxiety because I never know what to say or do.

Should I text him first? Will he text me?

Whats the right emoji to use? Should I even use an emoji?

Let me screenshot this and send it to all my friends to see if its okay.

What should I wear?

Unwanted or not, Im on one hell of a self-learning curve.

I think its so important for every woman to have this bittersweet journey, especially in her20s.

Im learning when to keep my guard up and when to let it come crashing down.

Im learning how to be patient.

I’m learning what I like and what I dont.

Im learning so much about myself because Im finding time for myself.

Im trying new things.

I’ve joined CrossFit and hot yoga, and I quit some unhealthy habits that were crippling my self-esteem.

Ive tried tons of new restaurants completely free, thanks to first dates.

But besides learning about myself, Im learning a lot about the dating pool.

Let me tell you this: When they say there are plenty of fish in the sea, it’s true.

But the ones you want to catch are really, really hard to find. They’re borderline nonexistent.

Ive met tons of guys ranging in age, profession, personality, height, hobbies, etc.

However, after dozens and dozens of dates and hundreds of right swipes that have amounted to nothing, Ive been able to put a label on just about every single one.

Ive boiled them down to six main categories:

1. The Ex

When one relationship ends, its so easy to look back at a previous ex and question why that relationship didnt work out either.

Call it delusion or curiosity, but it always seems like a logical first step when youre single.

So, if youre both single, why not give it another whirl?

Its comfortable. Its fun.

Its your opportunity to double-check hes really not the one who got away.

When my high school sweetheart found out that my recent ex and I had ended things, he came back into my life the same way he left it: like a tornado, leaving a path of destruction in his wake.

Without getting into details for his sake (and his girlfriends, whoops), the verdict was we broke up for a reason.

Thats always a validating feeling.

In the words of my inner spirit animal, Taylor Swift, we are never, ever getting back together. Like, ever.

But hey, like I said, it cant hurt to double check.

2. The Non-Committal Charmer

Hell tell you youre exclusive, but he won’t ever make you his girlfriend.

He’ll monopolize your free time to ensure you dont spend time with anyone else, but he wont commit.

Youll never meet his friends or family, so dont even try.

He is in complete control of the relationship because you let him be.

His charm, wit and personality compel you to stay.

His goal is to perpetually keep your relationship in a hostage situation.

You want to see other people, but you dont want to put what you have at risk because its comfortable and fun.

Youre convinced that at some point, hell come to his senses.

He wont.

So, youre going to want to quit while you’re ahead. Dont waste any time.

3. The Egotistical PrickWho Plays On Your Heartstrings

Is it rough to call these people sociopaths?

Theyll do everything they can to make you like them in a short period of time.

Theyll cook you your favorite dinner, buy you nice wine and compliment you on the weird things you wish people would notice.

They make it so easy to let your guard down.

Then, one day, theyll just stop talking to you.

Theyll give you some bullsh*t excuse like theyre just “not ready for a relationship right now, or they really like you, and “it scares” them.

No, you just needed an ego trip. Or, you needed to get laid.

Or both.Whatever.

These types of guys are the reason all women are a little hesitant, confused, broken and yes crazy.

There are plenty of them out there.

4. The Former Frat Guy Who Just Cant Let Go Of College

In my opinion, these guys are the absolute worst.

This is mainly because they dont even realize theyre being the absolute worst. The naivety isnt at all charming.

He doesnt have to be a frat guy. Hes just the guy who loves college.

He cant grow up.

He loves his boys and beer pong more than he loves his job. He knows more about chugging beers than investing in a 401(k).

He has no idea how to start or maintain a conversation. His career path is questionable.

He most likely has the life goal of being a stay-at-home dad.

Thats what she said jokes are far too common, and he finds them far too funny.

While I personally havent gone on a single date with one of these guys, they exist in the masses.

So good luck, female young professionalsof America who thought men matured after college.

AsI say to my dad, “Im looking for the smartest idiot over 25.”

5. The One Youre Just Not That Into

These, for me, are the most common.

Then again, I think they’re common for everyone.

If we were into every person we met, there wouldnt be anyone special, right?

But sometimes, you really want to like someone.

He hasa great job. You love hisfriends and family. He’s funny.

You have everything in common. You can text all day and never run out of things to talk about.

Your Snapchat exchanges keep you laughing all day long.

He’s proud of you. He cares about you.

Youre even a perfect match (according to the stars).

But, you just arent into this person, no matter how hard you try to be.

While relationships take effort, you should never force yourself to fall for someone because you think you’d be great together.

It’s a recipe for disaster and heartbreak, and that’s one sad situationI won’t ever willingly walk into.

So when you find yourself in this kind of mess, you have to break the ice.

It’s unfair to string the other person along when he’s clearly feeling all the emotions you wish you could.

When you’re dating someone youre not into, but whom you love as a human being, breaking the ice is a double-edged sword.

You both end up hurt and bummed.

6.The One

Every person I talk to tells me the one will walk into my life when I least expect it.

It wont be because I spent my entire lunch break swiping left and right (mostly left).

It wont be because I asked my co-workers, friends, family and acquaintances if they know someone else whos completely exhausted by the routine dating scene.

It certainly wont be because I got drunk enough to get the nerve to walk up to a guy and strike up a random conversation.

No way, not me.

Im told Ill meet someone in a sweet form of serendipity.

Ill accidentally spill my coffee on him at Starbucks.

Well bond over the fresh produce at Trader Joes.

Well be at the same bar for happy hour.

Something will happen.

When that something does, in fact, happen, all those heartbreaks, mistakes, moments of weakness and feelings of guilt will wash away.

You won’t question whether your guard should be up or down. What or when to text won’t be a thought.

Everything will slip into place.

Because as everyone always says, “When you know, you know.”

So until then, my advice to every single woman out there is this: Be a lady.

Be fearless, but not careless.

Be willing to love and unafraid to get hurt.

Put yourself out there. Learn to love yourself.

Discover hobbies that fill your time.

But this is the most important piece of advice of all: Never ever settle for any of the five who come before “the one.”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/27/6-guys-youll-end-up-dating-when-youve-been-single-for-too-long/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/165810005762

0 notes

samanthasroberts · 7 years

Text

6 Guys Youll End Up Dating When Youve Been Single For Too Long

I’m writing this post from my bed.

I’m un-showered, even though I came home from CrossFit three hours ago.

I’m slugging back red wine and crushing a party size-serving of chips and salsa.

I turned my phone on silent an hour ago, just so I would stop checking to see if the guy I like has responded to the text I sent earlier.

Needless to say, I dont think you get much more single than this.

There are nights when I rejoice in it, and there are nights when I sulk in it.

Tonight, its the latter.

But as I sit here, elbow-deep in a bag of Tostitos and knuckles clenched around a topped-off glass of wine, I cant help but be grateful for this single life Ive been living for almost a year now.

Its an unexpected and for me unwanted learning experience.

I say its “unwanted” because Im the relationship type.

Ive never had a one-night stand (nor will I ever).

I like commitment.

Dating gives me anxiety because I never know what to say or do.

Should I text him first? Will he text me?

Whats the right emoji to use? Should I even use an emoji?

Let me screenshot this and send it to all my friends to see if its okay.

What should I wear?

Unwanted or not, Im on one hell of a self-learning curve.

I think its so important for every woman to have this bittersweet journey, especially in her20s.

Im learning when to keep my guard up and when to let it come crashing down.

Im learning how to be patient.

I’m learning what I like and what I dont.

Im learning so much about myself because Im finding time for myself.

Im trying new things.

I’ve joined CrossFit and hot yoga, and I quit some unhealthy habits that were crippling my self-esteem.

Ive tried tons of new restaurants completely free, thanks to first dates.

But besides learning about myself, Im learning a lot about the dating pool.

Let me tell you this: When they say there are plenty of fish in the sea, it’s true.

But the ones you want to catch are really, really hard to find. They’re borderline nonexistent.

Ive met tons of guys ranging in age, profession, personality, height, hobbies, etc.

However, after dozens and dozens of dates and hundreds of right swipes that have amounted to nothing, Ive been able to put a label on just about every single one.

Ive boiled them down to six main categories:

1. The Ex

When one relationship ends, its so easy to look back at a previous ex and question why that relationship didnt work out either.

Call it delusion or curiosity, but it always seems like a logical first step when youre single.

So, if youre both single, why not give it another whirl?

Its comfortable. Its fun.

Its your opportunity to double-check hes really not the one who got away.

When my high school sweetheart found out that my recent ex and I had ended things, he came back into my life the same way he left it: like a tornado, leaving a path of destruction in his wake.

Without getting into details for his sake (and his girlfriends, whoops), the verdict was we broke up for a reason.

Thats always a validating feeling.

In the words of my inner spirit animal, Taylor Swift, we are never, ever getting back together. Like, ever.

But hey, like I said, it cant hurt to double check.

2. The Non-Committal Charmer

Hell tell you youre exclusive, but he won’t ever make you his girlfriend.

He’ll monopolize your free time to ensure you dont spend time with anyone else, but he wont commit.

Youll never meet his friends or family, so dont even try.

He is in complete control of the relationship because you let him be.

His charm, wit and personality compel you to stay.

His goal is to perpetually keep your relationship in a hostage situation.

You want to see other people, but you dont want to put what you have at risk because its comfortable and fun.

Youre convinced that at some point, hell come to his senses.

He wont.

So, youre going to want to quit while you’re ahead. Dont waste any time.

3. The Egotistical PrickWho Plays On Your Heartstrings

Is it rough to call these people sociopaths?

Theyll do everything they can to make you like them in a short period of time.

Theyll cook you your favorite dinner, buy you nice wine and compliment you on the weird things you wish people would notice.

They make it so easy to let your guard down.

Then, one day, theyll just stop talking to you.

Theyll give you some bullsh*t excuse like theyre just “not ready for a relationship right now, or they really like you, and “it scares” them.

No, you just needed an ego trip. Or, you needed to get laid.

Or both.Whatever.

These types of guys are the reason all women are a little hesitant, confused, broken and yes crazy.

There are plenty of them out there.

4. The Former Frat Guy Who Just Cant Let Go Of College

In my opinion, these guys are the absolute worst.

This is mainly because they dont even realize theyre being the absolute worst. The naivety isnt at all charming.

He doesnt have to be a frat guy. Hes just the guy who loves college.

He cant grow up.

He loves his boys and beer pong more than he loves his job. He knows more about chugging beers than investing in a 401(k).

He has no idea how to start or maintain a conversation. His career path is questionable.

He most likely has the life goal of being a stay-at-home dad.

Thats what she said jokes are far too common, and he finds them far too funny.

While I personally havent gone on a single date with one of these guys, they exist in the masses.

So good luck, female young professionalsof America who thought men matured after college.

AsI say to my dad, “Im looking for the smartest idiot over 25.”

5. The One Youre Just Not That Into

These, for me, are the most common.

Then again, I think they’re common for everyone.

If we were into every person we met, there wouldnt be anyone special, right?

But sometimes, you really want to like someone.

He hasa great job. You love hisfriends and family. He’s funny.

You have everything in common. You can text all day and never run out of things to talk about.

Your Snapchat exchanges keep you laughing all day long.

He’s proud of you. He cares about you.

Youre even a perfect match (according to the stars).

But, you just arent into this person, no matter how hard you try to be.

While relationships take effort, you should never force yourself to fall for someone because you think you’d be great together.

It’s a recipe for disaster and heartbreak, and that’s one sad situationI won’t ever willingly walk into.

So when you find yourself in this kind of mess, you have to break the ice.

It’s unfair to string the other person along when he’s clearly feeling all the emotions you wish you could.

When you’re dating someone youre not into, but whom you love as a human being, breaking the ice is a double-edged sword.

You both end up hurt and bummed.

6.The One

Every person I talk to tells me the one will walk into my life when I least expect it.

It wont be because I spent my entire lunch break swiping left and right (mostly left).

It wont be because I asked my co-workers, friends, family and acquaintances if they know someone else whos completely exhausted by the routine dating scene.

It certainly wont be because I got drunk enough to get the nerve to walk up to a guy and strike up a random conversation.

No way, not me.

Im told Ill meet someone in a sweet form of serendipity.

Ill accidentally spill my coffee on him at Starbucks.

Well bond over the fresh produce at Trader Joes.

Well be at the same bar for happy hour.

Something will happen.

When that something does, in fact, happen, all those heartbreaks, mistakes, moments of weakness and feelings of guilt will wash away.

You won’t question whether your guard should be up or down. What or when to text won’t be a thought.

Everything will slip into place.

Because as everyone always says, “When you know, you know.”

So until then, my advice to every single woman out there is this: Be a lady.

Be fearless, but not careless.

Be willing to love and unafraid to get hurt.

Put yourself out there. Learn to love yourself.

Discover hobbies that fill your time.

But this is the most important piece of advice of all: Never ever settle for any of the five who come before “the one.”

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/27/6-guys-youll-end-up-dating-when-youve-been-single-for-too-long/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/09/27/6-guys-youll-end-up-dating-when-youve-been-single-for-too-long/

0 notes

jimdsmith34 · 7 years

Text

6 Guys Youll End Up Dating When Youve Been Single For Too Long

I’m writing this post from my bed.

I’m un-showered, even though I came home from CrossFit three hours ago.

I’m slugging back red wine and crushing a party size-serving of chips and salsa.

I turned my phone on silent an hour ago, just so I would stop checking to see if the guy I like has responded to the text I sent earlier.

Needless to say, I dont think you get much more single than this.

There are nights when I rejoice in it, and there are nights when I sulk in it.

Tonight, its the latter.

But as I sit here, elbow-deep in a bag of Tostitos and knuckles clenched around a topped-off glass of wine, I cant help but be grateful for this single life Ive been living for almost a year now.

Its an unexpected and for me unwanted learning experience.

I say its “unwanted” because Im the relationship type.

Ive never had a one-night stand (nor will I ever).

I like commitment.

Dating gives me anxiety because I never know what to say or do.

Should I text him first? Will he text me?

Whats the right emoji to use? Should I even use an emoji?

Let me screenshot this and send it to all my friends to see if its okay.

What should I wear?

Unwanted or not, Im on one hell of a self-learning curve.

I think its so important for every woman to have this bittersweet journey, especially in her20s.

Im learning when to keep my guard up and when to let it come crashing down.

Im learning how to be patient.

I’m learning what I like and what I dont.

Im learning so much about myself because Im finding time for myself.

Im trying new things.

I’ve joined CrossFit and hot yoga, and I quit some unhealthy habits that were crippling my self-esteem.

Ive tried tons of new restaurants completely free, thanks to first dates.

But besides learning about myself, Im learning a lot about the dating pool.

Let me tell you this: When they say there are plenty of fish in the sea, it’s true.

But the ones you want to catch are really, really hard to find. They’re borderline nonexistent.

Ive met tons of guys ranging in age, profession, personality, height, hobbies, etc.

However, after dozens and dozens of dates and hundreds of right swipes that have amounted to nothing, Ive been able to put a label on just about every single one.

Ive boiled them down to six main categories:

1. The Ex

When one relationship ends, its so easy to look back at a previous ex and question why that relationship didnt work out either.

Call it delusion or curiosity, but it always seems like a logical first step when youre single.

So, if youre both single, why not give it another whirl?

Its comfortable. Its fun.

Its your opportunity to double-check hes really not the one who got away.

When my high school sweetheart found out that my recent ex and I had ended things, he came back into my life the same way he left it: like a tornado, leaving a path of destruction in his wake.

Without getting into details for his sake (and his girlfriends, whoops), the verdict was we broke up for a reason.

Thats always a validating feeling.

In the words of my inner spirit animal, Taylor Swift, we are never, ever getting back together. Like, ever.

But hey, like I said, it cant hurt to double check.

2. The Non-Committal Charmer

Hell tell you youre exclusive, but he won’t ever make you his girlfriend.

He’ll monopolize your free time to ensure you dont spend time with anyone else, but he wont commit.

Youll never meet his friends or family, so dont even try.

He is in complete control of the relationship because you let him be.

His charm, wit and personality compel you to stay.

His goal is to perpetually keep your relationship in a hostage situation.

You want to see other people, but you dont want to put what you have at risk because its comfortable and fun.

Youre convinced that at some point, hell come to his senses.

He wont.

So, youre going to want to quit while you’re ahead. Dont waste any time.

3. The Egotistical PrickWho Plays On Your Heartstrings

Is it rough to call these people sociopaths?

Theyll do everything they can to make you like them in a short period of time.

Theyll cook you your favorite dinner, buy you nice wine and compliment you on the weird things you wish people would notice.

They make it so easy to let your guard down.

Then, one day, theyll just stop talking to you.

Theyll give you some bullsh*t excuse like theyre just “not ready for a relationship right now, or they really like you, and “it scares” them.

No, you just needed an ego trip. Or, you needed to get laid.

Or both.Whatever.

These types of guys are the reason all women are a little hesitant, confused, broken and yes crazy.

There are plenty of them out there.

4. The Former Frat Guy Who Just Cant Let Go Of College

In my opinion, these guys are the absolute worst.

This is mainly because they dont even realize theyre being the absolute worst. The naivety isnt at all charming.

He doesnt have to be a frat guy. Hes just the guy who loves college.

He cant grow up.

He loves his boys and beer pong more than he loves his job. He knows more about chugging beers than investing in a 401(k).

He has no idea how to start or maintain a conversation. His career path is questionable.

He most likely has the life goal of being a stay-at-home dad.

Thats what she said jokes are far too common, and he finds them far too funny.

While I personally havent gone on a single date with one of these guys, they exist in the masses.

So good luck, female young professionalsof America who thought men matured after college.

AsI say to my dad, “Im looking for the smartest idiot over 25.”

5. The One Youre Just Not That Into

These, for me, are the most common.

Then again, I think they’re common for everyone.

If we were into every person we met, there wouldnt be anyone special, right?

But sometimes, you really want to like someone.

He hasa great job. You love hisfriends and family. He’s funny.

You have everything in common. You can text all day and never run out of things to talk about.

Your Snapchat exchanges keep you laughing all day long.

He’s proud of you. He cares about you.

Youre even a perfect match (according to the stars).

But, you just arent into this person, no matter how hard you try to be.

While relationships take effort, you should never force yourself to fall for someone because you think you’d be great together.

It’s a recipe for disaster and heartbreak, and that’s one sad situationI won’t ever willingly walk into.

So when you find yourself in this kind of mess, you have to break the ice.

It’s unfair to string the other person along when he’s clearly feeling all the emotions you wish you could.

When you’re dating someone youre not into, but whom you love as a human being, breaking the ice is a double-edged sword.

You both end up hurt and bummed.

6.The One

Every person I talk to tells me the one will walk into my life when I least expect it.

It wont be because I spent my entire lunch break swiping left and right (mostly left).

It wont be because I asked my co-workers, friends, family and acquaintances if they know someone else whos completely exhausted by the routine dating scene.

It certainly wont be because I got drunk enough to get the nerve to walk up to a guy and strike up a random conversation.

No way, not me.

Im told Ill meet someone in a sweet form of serendipity.

Ill accidentally spill my coffee on him at Starbucks.

Well bond over the fresh produce at Trader Joes.

Well be at the same bar for happy hour.

Something will happen.

When that something does, in fact, happen, all those heartbreaks, mistakes, moments of weakness and feelings of guilt will wash away.

You won’t question whether your guard should be up or down. What or when to text won’t be a thought.

Everything will slip into place.

Because as everyone always says, “When you know, you know.”

So until then, my advice to every single woman out there is this: Be a lady.

Be fearless, but not careless.

Be willing to love and unafraid to get hurt.

Put yourself out there. Learn to love yourself.

Discover hobbies that fill your time.

But this is the most important piece of advice of all: Never ever settle for any of the five who come before “the one.”

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/27/6-guys-youll-end-up-dating-when-youve-been-single-for-too-long/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/09/6-guys-youll-end-up-dating-when-youve.html

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allofbeercom · 7 years

Text

6 Guys Youll End Up Dating When Youve Been Single For Too Long

I’m writing this post from my bed.

I’m un-showered, even though I came home from CrossFit three hours ago.

I’m slugging back red wine and crushing a party size-serving of chips and salsa.

I turned my phone on silent an hour ago, just so I would stop checking to see if the guy I like has responded to the text I sent earlier.

Needless to say, I dont think you get much more single than this.

There are nights when I rejoice in it, and there are nights when I sulk in it.

Tonight, its the latter.

But as I sit here, elbow-deep in a bag of Tostitos and knuckles clenched around a topped-off glass of wine, I cant help but be grateful for this single life Ive been living for almost a year now.

Its an unexpected and for me unwanted learning experience.

I say its “unwanted” because Im the relationship type.

Ive never had a one-night stand (nor will I ever).

I like commitment.

Dating gives me anxiety because I never know what to say or do.

Should I text him first? Will he text me?

Whats the right emoji to use? Should I even use an emoji?

Let me screenshot this and send it to all my friends to see if its okay.

What should I wear?

Unwanted or not, Im on one hell of a self-learning curve.

I think its so important for every woman to have this bittersweet journey, especially in her20s.

Im learning when to keep my guard up and when to let it come crashing down.

Im learning how to be patient.

I’m learning what I like and what I dont.

Im learning so much about myself because Im finding time for myself.

Im trying new things.

I’ve joined CrossFit and hot yoga, and I quit some unhealthy habits that were crippling my self-esteem.

Ive tried tons of new restaurants completely free, thanks to first dates.

But besides learning about myself, Im learning a lot about the dating pool.

Let me tell you this: When they say there are plenty of fish in the sea, it’s true.

But the ones you want to catch are really, really hard to find. They’re borderline nonexistent.

Ive met tons of guys ranging in age, profession, personality, height, hobbies, etc.

However, after dozens and dozens of dates and hundreds of right swipes that have amounted to nothing, Ive been able to put a label on just about every single one.

Ive boiled them down to six main categories:

1. The Ex

When one relationship ends, its so easy to look back at a previous ex and question why that relationship didnt work out either.

Call it delusion or curiosity, but it always seems like a logical first step when youre single.

So, if youre both single, why not give it another whirl?

Its comfortable. Its fun.

Its your opportunity to double-check hes really not the one who got away.

When my high school sweetheart found out that my recent ex and I had ended things, he came back into my life the same way he left it: like a tornado, leaving a path of destruction in his wake.

Without getting into details for his sake (and his girlfriends, whoops), the verdict was we broke up for a reason.

Thats always a validating feeling.

In the words of my inner spirit animal, Taylor Swift, we are never, ever getting back together. Like, ever.

But hey, like I said, it cant hurt to double check.

2. The Non-Committal Charmer

Hell tell you youre exclusive, but he won’t ever make you his girlfriend.

He’ll monopolize your free time to ensure you dont spend time with anyone else, but he wont commit.

Youll never meet his friends or family, so dont even try.

He is in complete control of the relationship because you let him be.

His charm, wit and personality compel you to stay.

His goal is to perpetually keep your relationship in a hostage situation.

You want to see other people, but you dont want to put what you have at risk because its comfortable and fun.

Youre convinced that at some point, hell come to his senses.

He wont.

So, youre going to want to quit while you’re ahead. Dont waste any time.

3. The Egotistical PrickWho Plays On Your Heartstrings

Is it rough to call these people sociopaths?

Theyll do everything they can to make you like them in a short period of time.

Theyll cook you your favorite dinner, buy you nice wine and compliment you on the weird things you wish people would notice.

They make it so easy to let your guard down.

Then, one day, theyll just stop talking to you.

Theyll give you some bullsh*t excuse like theyre just “not ready for a relationship right now, or they really like you, and “it scares” them.

No, you just needed an ego trip. Or, you needed to get laid.

Or both.Whatever.

These types of guys are the reason all women are a little hesitant, confused, broken and yes crazy.

There are plenty of them out there.

4. The Former Frat Guy Who Just Cant Let Go Of College

In my opinion, these guys are the absolute worst.

This is mainly because they dont even realize theyre being the absolute worst. The naivety isnt at all charming.

He doesnt have to be a frat guy. Hes just the guy who loves college.

He cant grow up.

He loves his boys and beer pong more than he loves his job. He knows more about chugging beers than investing in a 401(k).

He has no idea how to start or maintain a conversation. His career path is questionable.

He most likely has the life goal of being a stay-at-home dad.

Thats what she said jokes are far too common, and he finds them far too funny.

While I personally havent gone on a single date with one of these guys, they exist in the masses.

So good luck, female young professionalsof America who thought men matured after college.

AsI say to my dad, “Im looking for the smartest idiot over 25.”

5. The One Youre Just Not That Into

These, for me, are the most common.

Then again, I think they’re common for everyone.

If we were into every person we met, there wouldnt be anyone special, right?

But sometimes, you really want to like someone.

He hasa great job. You love hisfriends and family. He’s funny.

You have everything in common. You can text all day and never run out of things to talk about.

Your Snapchat exchanges keep you laughing all day long.

He’s proud of you. He cares about you.

Youre even a perfect match (according to the stars).

But, you just arent into this person, no matter how hard you try to be.

While relationships take effort, you should never force yourself to fall for someone because you think you’d be great together.

It’s a recipe for disaster and heartbreak, and that’s one sad situationI won’t ever willingly walk into.

So when you find yourself in this kind of mess, you have to break the ice.

It’s unfair to string the other person along when he’s clearly feeling all the emotions you wish you could.

When you’re dating someone youre not into, but whom you love as a human being, breaking the ice is a double-edged sword.

You both end up hurt and bummed.

6.The One

Every person I talk to tells me the one will walk into my life when I least expect it.

It wont be because I spent my entire lunch break swiping left and right (mostly left).

It wont be because I asked my co-workers, friends, family and acquaintances if they know someone else whos completely exhausted by the routine dating scene.

It certainly wont be because I got drunk enough to get the nerve to walk up to a guy and strike up a random conversation.

No way, not me.

Im told Ill meet someone in a sweet form of serendipity.

Ill accidentally spill my coffee on him at Starbucks.

Well bond over the fresh produce at Trader Joes.

Well be at the same bar for happy hour.

Something will happen.

When that something does, in fact, happen, all those heartbreaks, mistakes, moments of weakness and feelings of guilt will wash away.

You won’t question whether your guard should be up or down. What or when to text won’t be a thought.

Everything will slip into place.

Because as everyone always says, “When you know, you know.”

So until then, my advice to every single woman out there is this: Be a lady.

Be fearless, but not careless.

Be willing to love and unafraid to get hurt.

Put yourself out there. Learn to love yourself.

Discover hobbies that fill your time.

But this is the most important piece of advice of all: Never ever settle for any of the five who come before “the one.”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/27/6-guys-youll-end-up-dating-when-youve-been-single-for-too-long/

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