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hozierandco · 3 years

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Sam Fender x Reader / call me lover

Friends to lovers. Lots of fluff.

Plot: Y/N and Sam have been friends for as long as they can remember but growing up has led them to grow apart. There are many things they have to tell one another.

The thing with kids is that they grow up. Too quickly, with too much silence surrounding them.

Sam was a boy, Y/N was a girl but to one another, they were just friends. They had known each other for as long as they could recall and had not doubted one second that they were just friends. Of course, there were the subtle questions from their parents, the hesitation when Sam would spend the night at Y/N's but their parents too knew it was just friendship.

Although they agreed that with all the secrets and trust they shared, they would be the best of couples, they thought it to be too pure to be broken.

Their friends too believed that it would inevitably happen, that they would end up together. Of all people, Dru was the most persistent on the matter. He had known Y/N for a longer time than Sam since Y/N's mother was the doula and a close friend to Drew's. Therefore, the two of them considered each other as siblings.

He liked to tease Sam to make him confess a crush he would have on Y/N. To no avail.

And then, there had been Y/N's first boyfriend when she was 15. At a time in his life when he was still playing Fifa in his room when he was not toying with his piano, he had to endure his best friend clung to her boyfriend's arm.

For the first time, he felt repulsed by the sight of Y/N but mostly by that of the Alex Turner wannabe her heart had fallen for. He began writing about love and deception though he had no reason to have known either.

Of course, the idyll was cut short with Alex Turner #2 coming back from summer camp without his virginity anymore, exploit he felt the need to share with the whole school.

Sam and Drew had come to Y/N's rescue the day at school and together, they had eaten pizza and waited for Y/N's tears to disappear. It was the world against them from now on, and nothing could change that.

Sam had worked his ass off to make Y/N proud and had done all he could for his A-levels. In spite of all the intensity and long hours of going over Horatio Nelson and the Boer War with Y/N, he gave up and started working in a pub. He was to be a musician, no matter what.

His fingers got crooked because of his guitar, his voice sore but at last, he was given a festival to play at. Drew would be there too of course.

As for Y/N, she had started working in an architect's office while studying at the local Uni.

Things got so fast. The kids grew and were soon overwhelmed with new responsibilities. Y/N had a new life for herself and Sam was about to tour before releasing his debut album. When he found out that a label had signed him up, the three friends along with Dean and Joe had screamed their lungs out.

It had come out of the blue that Joe fancied Y/N and it had also come out of the blue that Sam didn't like this turn of event.

The tour meant that they would not see each other for at least half a year as Sam's studio was in London. They had never been away from one another for so long so the day Sam left North Shields, it felt like the soil was crumbling under her feet.

Y/N informed herself of Sam's whereabouts through Dru as Sam didn't reply to her texts. Dru was regularly implying to his friend that he should call her every now and then, but he was always "too busy". Just like that, silent formed around them.

"Sam, call her", Dru begged one more time.

Sam sighed. He did not dare calling her, he felt as though he had let time rule his emotions. The more distance he put between them, the harder it was to think of something to say. Sure, he was busy but he always had been busy.

"You know what day it is today, don't you?"

Sam stared with round eyes at Dru.

"It's her bloody birthday, Sam. Just call her, okay?"

Dru had taken Sam's phone from his coat that was lying on the floor and forced Sam to take it.

Sam went to the room, right next to where he was and dialled Y/N's number, ending up on the voicemail "Hi! I hope that the voicemail just indicates that you're getting hammered somewhere and I also wish you a happy birthday. I'm sorry I didn't call earlier, I wish I could make it up to you. I miss you and I love you"

It was not until the message got sent that he realised what he had just said. Sam knew that opening up always led him to say too much and he couldn't take the risk to lose Y/N.

"What's wrong?" Dru asked when he saw Sam visibly agitated.

"I screwed up"

"You just had one call to make, how can you screw up a call?"

"I said something I shouldn't have. I told her that I loved her"

"As in I love you?"

"Yeah, I mean it's not something we say to each other"

"And do you? Love her?"

"Yes, Dru. I think I do. I think I always loved her"

"Well then, you haven't screwed up. You've just made things easier"

Days went by without a word from Y/N and Sam to pass time was playing with his phone a couple of times a day, not knowing what or if he should write to her. But then it got worrying, he feard that something had happened to her.

"D'you have news of Y/N?", he confronted Dru one night.

"She didn't say that she loves you back, huh?"

"She hasn't said anything at all, in fact. Is she alright?"

"That's odd. Yeah, she's fine, I just got a text from her, not even ten minutes ago. I can ask her to reach out for you if you want"

Dru is a magician as not only five minutes later, Sam's phone buzzed.

Y/N: Dru said you called on my birthday. My phone was off, you should have left a message... Sam: I did! You didn't listen to it? Y/N: I didn't get anything... Sam: Can I call you now? Y/N: No, not tonight. I'll call you tomorrow morning, good? Sam: Yes :)

Sam was not a morning person but he woke up as early as he could. He waited and finally she called. On FaceTime. She looked radiant, unlike him who severely lacked of sleep.

"Hey!"

Bring the tone down, Fender, Sam thought. You're gonna freak her out.

"Hi, sorry I couldn't call you yesterday. It's good to see you"

Just like that, one moving still of Sam was enough to have her mood lit up.

"So, can't make a voicemail work, huh?" Y/N joked around.

"I promise you, it worked. I don't know what happened but it's good I get to tell you like that"

"Tell me what?"

"Well, first that I'm sorry I've been an idiot lately. It's just that I've missed you so much and I wanted to see you and I couldn't stop thinking of you all the time"

An unfamiliar noise of a plate falling.

"Garlic's going on an adventure?" Sam referred to Y/N's cat that was known to be the clumsiest cat on Earth and that Sam had helped naming six years prior.

The distraction was much needed as Sam was blushing and it started showing on camera.

"Let me just go somewhere quieter"

As Y/N left her living room for her bedroom, Sam saw the silhouette of a man trying to assemble the splinters the plate had left behind.

"Sorry for that. What were you saying?"

"Nothing. I'm just sorry I didn't call you earlier and I hoped that you had a great birthday..."

"You sure there was nothing else"

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure"

The two of them chatted for another 5 minutes when the conversatio became awkward.

Y/N was certain when she hung up that Sam was about to reveal his feelings. And she would have let him. In fact, she would have revealed hers as well.

But Dan had to be in the way. Or was it Ian? Stan? Y/N had always done this. When she was thinking of Sam too much, she was collecting men to share the night with.

She never got attached to anybody but liked to wake up by a man's side.

A few weeks later, Dru called Y/N with good news.

"We've got some rest from the tour. We'll be at Shields for a month or so. I cannot wait to see you again, little sister!"

Y/N had set her mind to meet them at the train station from where she would get in the tour bus with them. Since Sam's aborted declaration, Y/N had not gotten any news from him and was not taking any.

When the van arrived and its doors opened, Dru ran to Y/N and hugged her "Ah, come here, you!"

There was a new face amongst the original team.

"Hi, I'm Lisa" the stranger introduced herself. By gazing that her hand was in Sam's, Y/N took a wild guess that the two of them were a thing.

"Nice to finally meet you. You're the 5th Beatle or so it seems. The boys could not shut up about you"

Y/N grinned at Dru and fainted a smile towards Sam. Unfortunately, she couldn't say as much for Lisa and blamed Dru to have kept it a secret.

Lisa was gorgeous, it was undeniable. Her posh accent had made the journey with her and contrasted with hers and the boys'. As long as Sam is happy, I'm happy, Y/N tried to convince herself as she got in the van.

"So, pub?" Dru asked. It was not even 5 pm but the idea seemed to everyone's taste.

"I'll join you later if that's alright. Joe, can you drop me off? I've got a few things to do before I join"

"You alright?" Dru whispered at her as he was seated next to her in the back of the van.

"Yeah, I'm fine" but as she answered, she stared a little too long at Lisa and her brown curls, her tanned skin and her perfect Julia Roberts smile.

"It's Lisa, huh? I don't like her either. Too posh for Sammy"

"I've never said I didn't like her"

"Then what?" Dru hesitated and then exclaimed "Oh!"

As he had nearly shouted, all of the boys and Lisa turned around to laugh at his looks of bewilderment.

Dru shushed himself down as his friends took the piss at him "Finally got the epiphany that you're ugly, Michael?" Dean mocked him.

As Dru brushed the joke and everything went back to normal, he went on with his whispering "You fancy Sam?"

Y/N simply nodded which got Dru leaning back in his seat, stirred by the confession.

"There, you go, princess" Joe stated as he had parked right in front of Y/N's flat.

They all greeted Y/N goodbye and agreed that they would see each other at 7. Sam did not dare looking at her in the eye. He knew he should have said something about Lisa but he had not come around it, why would he since she had her own life now?

As she opened the door, Y/N started tearing up a little, stunned by all the events. She seized her phone and sent a text.

By 6.15, the intercom rang. Y/N had changed into a wrap dress made of sequins and black heels.

"Hey!", she exclaimed to the man who was waiting by the door. This one was Chris, a chap she had seen some days prior. He reminded her of Alfred Enoch somehow with his chiseled jaw and round cheeks. Y/N didn't feel like being alone tonight and Chris was good company.

"Y/N, here!" Joe informed as he was in charge of getting a new round of drinks "By the table over there. Oh hi" he said to the stranger "I'm Joe"

Chris was by far the best-dressed man there as, clearly not familiar to pubs, he was wearing an open white shirt over brown chinos.

Dru and Tom made some space for Y/N and Chris to sit once Y/N had introduced everyone to her date.

The conversation was very much alive by 8 except for the fact that Lisa and Chris felt left out as it was all about childhood memories and family-related topics.

Sam was all eyes for Y/N. It was as though nothing awkward had ever happened between them and as though they were kids all over again.

In an effort to include Chris in the night's ambiance, Y/N asked him to dance with her. She hoped by that that she could get a reaction from Sam as dancing was THEIR thing.

At her birthday parties, they were always the two ones inventing silly dance moves on cheap Eurodance. As teens, they would always wiggle at gigs while the rest of the audience would look at them tenderly.

"I should get going. I've got a meeting in the morning" Chris let Y/N know as a song by Marvin Gaye ended. It was only 10 pm but Y/N didn't hold him back.

"C'mon, Sam. Invite her to dance, you're dreaming of it" Lisa rushed him. "She's your best friend after all"

What if he didn't want to be her best friend anymore?

Sam got up and joined Y/N. Tonight, he would tell her the truth. Not tomorrow, tonight.

"May I accompany you?"

"Yes, you may. Lisa's not into dancing?"

"I don't know but I'm into dancing with you"

"He's in love with her, isn't he?" Lisa asked Dru who had just ordered more drinks.

"Yeah, I think he is.. I'm sorry"

"Don't be, it's no big deal. Sam and I were just fooling around anyway. She's sweet, just what he needs"

"They just have to admit it now"

"So, Chris.. You two are together for long?" Sam asked.

"No, I mean technically we're not together. We've met twice with tonight"

"He seems nice"

"Yeah, I suppose. You and Lisa?"

"About the same: couple of weeks, nothing too serious"

"What did you mean to tell me last time?"

"Last time?"

"Yeah, you were saying that you missed me and all"

"Well, yeah. Touring without you sucked. I've missed you every fucking day. I want to be with you all the time. It's always been like that me and you"

"I missed you too, Sam"

The song had changed.

"What I'm about to say could ruin what we have but I just have to say it: I've always loved you, Y/N. It took me a whole ass tour to realise that. It's what I told you on the voicemail"

"I love you too, you idiot!"

Dru admired Lisa's ability to remain amicable even when she understood that Sam and Y/N had just confessed their feelings. He had judged her badly and saw what Sam had seen in her: a genuine goodness.

Sam was eager to kiss Y/N but had to make sure that Lisa was alright. He wanted more than anything else in the world Y/N and him to be together but he couldn't do it like that.

He turned around to Lisa only to see her kissing Dru. Sam shook his head and turned back on Y/N who was laughing at this sudden act of PDA.

Sam laughed along and then joined his lips to Y/N's.

#sam fender #imagines #fluff #friends to lovers

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wild-aloof-rebel · 3 years

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Some Favorite Fics from 2020

Like last year, I want to end 2020 by highlighting some fics that have become favorites over the last twelve months. Before I dive into it though, I just want to take a minute to send some love to all of the authors writing in this fandom.

As of the end of 2019, there were about 8.8 million words of fic on AO3 for this fandom. This year, more than 450 authors have added another 15 million more. That’s so incredibly impressive, especially in a year this difficult. Thank you, thank you, thank you to every single person who contributed to that, whether you wrote one fic or a hundred, a drabble or a novel. Thank you for giving this fandom the gift of your creativity and voice. Your work is so, so appreciated, and you’ve helped to create joy in a year where it was often in short supply. 💗💗💗

Okay, on to the fics. I’ve limited myself to no more than one work for any individual author to spread the love around as much as possible, and I’ve bumped up the number to 25 this time around because there was just too much fic this year for me to cut it down any further.

So here we go. These are 25 fics I loved this year, and what I love about them...

Your heart is keeping time with me by yourbuttervoicedbeau • rated E • 33k+ confession before i start: i’ve never actually seen 50 first dates. but i thought this AU based on it was delightful. patrick’s love for david is so big, right from the start, and i love seeing david lean into trusting himself (and patrick) over and over again

will this ever get old? by startswithhope • rated T • <1k i just like seeing them domestic and soft and happy, okay? and while most of dee’s fics are like that, this particular one is a fave because of them thinking about their future and how they’ll change over the years but love each other right on through

Just to Hold the Hands I Love by DesignatedGrape • rated T • 20k+ it’s like a warm christmas hug, full of musical trolling, gentle pining, domestic nights in, and careful attention to fashion details, which are all absolutely the kinds of things i appreciate

A Case of You by DoubleL27 • rated T • 6k+ patrick is an absolute menace in exactly the way you would expect every valentine’s day. it’s funny and sweet and ends with them in exactly the kind of future we all want for them

Dulce by another_Hero • rated T • 1k+ original characters can be hard to do right. they have to be compelling enough to fit in with these characters we already know so well, and dulce is the kind of character who grabs you from the start. the whole series is lovely, but this first interaction with ronnie is my favorite of them

Tea-Kettle Love by ArabellaStrange • rated G • 5k+ even though this coda to “the pitch” isn’t technically canon compliant now, it still feels a lot like it is. it’s about the sacrifices we are and aren’t willing to make for the people we love, taking the new york discussion into more depth than we get in the show and still arriving in largely the same place

Vanquished by Codswallop • rated G • 3k+ if you’re looking for soft, fluffy sickfic, this is not it, lol. patrick is sick here but won’t let anyone take care of him. he’s stubborn and basically minor chaos ensues. it’s funny and sweet but not schmaltzy. the characterization is 👌, and it feels like the kind of thing that fits perfectly into the world of the show

To Come Out the Other Side by unfolded73 • rated T • 4k+ • warning for major character death i don’t want to read sad things about david and patrick very often, but sometimes the mood strikes. this one is definitely sad right from the start, but there’s hope and resilience through grief, and i think this year especially, there’s something to be said for stories that can make you feel like there is still good to be found after the bad

Hold Me Like You’ll Never Let Me Go by moodlighting • rated T • 21k+ i never would have thought that a fic would make me WANT to be trapped in an airport, but it’s 2020 and anything is possible, lol. this is what meet cute dreams are made of

Your mother keeps a spreadsheet by upbeat • rated G • 3k+ obviously i love a good spreadsheet, so this one was up my alley from the start, lol. but really it’s moira and patrick bonding through the cataloguing of her wigs (and all the stories that go with them) that makes this one an easy favorite

keep me in the pulses, keep me in the sound by dinnfameron • rated G • 2k+ this sweet little slice of a summer vacation made me ache to be with friends. plus, sometimes you just need some overwhelmingly happy david rose. he deserves it, and so do we

eggs and the flour, no higher power by withkissesfour • rated T • 1k+ i’m pretty sure this fic is the definition of sweet, in more ways than one. it’s a short piece, but the writing is lush and indulgent in all the right places, just like the cakes being described

sustineo by rockinhamburger • rated E • 10k+ before i was even done reading this fic, i wanted another 50k words set in this universe. the conversation between david and patrick is sharp in all the right ways, and because this david has such a hard shell to crack after being hurt in such a horrible and heartbreaking way, it’s that much more satisfying watching patrick break through it

All-Natural Care, Locally Sourced by Siria • rated T • 2k+ siria’s fics are always funny, with banter that’s so perfectly on point, and that’s certainly true here. but there are also care packages and photos and just so much love. it’s a perfect balance, just like the show

hold on to me as you go by helvetica_upstart • rated T • 3k+ i love a good look at just how long patrick has been head over heels in love with david and how much he was in this for life all along. this fic does just that through the framework of times that they saw their new house before they bought it, and it’s everything that you would want that concept to be and more

Exposed Brick by swat117 • rated M • 9k+ this is such a lovely look at david and patrick a few years into their marriage, steady in all the right ways, even when old fears try to rise up between them. it gives david a chance to be the solid and supportive one in the relationship, something i never get tired of reading

We Could Turn the World to Gold by middyblue • rated T • 27k+ as someone who also did c25k at one point, i def empathize with david’s plight in this fic, lol. as much fun as that part of the story is, it’s really the house and everything related to that part of the story that makes this a favorite in my book. this was posted very early in s6, so it’s not the house from canon, but it’s beautiful either way to see them so excited about building their future together there

Waiting on the Day by High-Seas-Swan • rated E • 22k+ this is another fic that makes me absolutely ache for things i couldn’t have this year, namely my favorite local brewery and all the nights spent there with friends. beyond that, it’s just a very sweet AU, and the scene with their first kiss and the rest of that night live in my head rent free

Pot o’ Gold by ahurston • rated E • 22k+ where is the leprechaun/love of my life who’s gonna take me out to eat all of the best foods that my city has to offer? this one is a slow burn but their relationship is so much fun to read right from the start that you definitely don’t mind taking your time getting there. also, the palm reading scene. good grief.

there is no design by the_hodag • rated T • 12k+ this fic gives us a look at some of david’s art, and all the loneliness and love that inspires it. it’s poignant and painful and hopeful and sweet in turn, and i think it does a marvelous job of capturing so many of the facets of david’s past that have made him who he is

A Little Broken, A Little New by nameless_bliss • rated G • 3k+ i’ve read this fic several times now, and david and johnny having a conversation about their own relationship through the guise of talking about patrick and his parents never fails to make me cry

Une très bonne table dans sa catégorie by cromarty • rated T • 23k+ just the concept of this one alone would have sold me on it—like, hello? michelin reviewer and chef? sign me the fuck up—but it’s written with the kind of attention to detail i always expect from claire’s writing, and the fact that it practically starts with a first kiss but then pulls back makes for a delicious dynamic as they build a friendship over that foundational attraction, both tempering and intensifying the wait for them to find their way back into each others’ arms

happy golden days of yore by blueink3 • rated E • 17k+ i literally stopped in the middle of this fic, sat down on my kitchen floor, and had a good cry. i hate thinking about them ending up divorced in the first place, but even as exes, they’re so careful and gentle with one another and so, so clearly still in a forever kind of love. that makes it bearable to see them apart because even if it weren’t tagged for a happy ending, there’s such a feeling of inevitability to it, you know exactly how it’s going to end and just get to enjoy the devastating ride it takes to get there

Fifteen Hundred Miles by MoreHuman • rated M • 30k+ this is one of those fics where everything comes together just right and achieves a perfect balance of introspection and action, courage and fear, despair and hope, forthright honesty and cautious reservation... MoreHuman makes it all look easy, which says so much about all the care that had to have gone into the planning and writing. this fic does everything well, and it’s an absolute pleasure to read from start to end

840 Havenwood Road E by Distractivate • rated E • 10k+ we barely see david and patrick’s new house in the show, so it shouldn’t be possible for me to be as emotional about it as this fic makes me, every single time i read it. but it’s the home they chose, the place they decided to build a life together, and getting to see flashes of that life through the years and how much love they clearly had for each other within those four walls just makes me cry again and again

#schitt's creek #schitts creek #fic recs #long post

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dlwritings · 3 years

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Creepy Dan | Tom Holland

masterlist found here

pairing - Tom x reader word count - 1,477 warnings - language, coworker is creepy A/N - for the anon who requested x | I hate that I had personal experiences to draw from for this story. Women! Deserve! Better!

summary - You have a coworker who harasses you at work, but you’ve never told Tom about him. When he sees the treatment you receive first hand, he’s not okay with it.

You deserved better than the job you were at. That much you knew. Sure, everyone needed to pay their dues and work some kind of customer service job, but not one like this. Not at a restaurant where the bartenders drank on the job and the chefs ate off the plates they were about to serve. You hated everything about the job, but it paid, and you were desperate. A lot of your coworkers caused problems for you, but there was one who was the worst of the worst.

You called him Creepy Dan.

Creepy Dan was a grown man who had a tendency to strike up perverted conversations with you. There was the time you were taking a break on the steps to the basement of the restaurant and he came and sat beside you to tell you about the erotic novel he was writing. Or the time he commented on the leggings you wore -that you promptly never wore again. Or one of the numerous times he put his hand on the small of your back as he walked by you. Or or or. The stories went on.

And it wasn’t fair. You shouldn’t have that many stories. In a perfect world, you wouldn’t even have one story. But this was not a perfect world.

You had complained to the boss a few times before, but it never got you anywhere. Creepy Dan had been working there for years -you only a few months. Plus, who would believe a young girl over an adult man? You were the girl who cried wolf, right? When you talked to your boss, you tried not to sound too dramatic. So, instead of saying, “He tells me about his erotic novels,” you said, “He tells me things about his life that I’m not comfortable with.” To that, your boss said, “That’s just Dan! He’s just making conversation.” When you said, “I’m not comfortable with the way he touches me,” he came back with, “Has he harmed you physically or sexually?” Well, you couldn’t exactly say yes, so your boss didn’t exactly see a problem.

Creepy Dan was a chef -one of the ones who drank just as much as the bartenders and always sent a plate out with a few less fries than should be there. Most nights, you didn’t have much interaction with him. He usually stayed back in the kitchen, and you could hide out at the hostess station or make rounds on the restaurant floor.

But not today. Today, Creepy Dan decided to leave the kitchen cave. You weren’t sure if he was genuinely chatting with customers to get reviews on his food or just wanted to stay as close to you as appeared socially acceptable. He constantly made his way over to whatever table you were at and put his arm around you, resting that hand on your back (that you had grown uncomfortably familiar with), and sometimes even letting his fingers squeeze your hip.

You hated it.

On the upside, Tom came by. Tom was your boyfriend, and he, Harrison, Harry, and Tuwaine would visit you from time to time. While he knew you didn’t like your job, he didn’t know why. You didn’t like to talk about it, mostly because you were embarrassed. Instead, you just complained to him about rotten customers and subpar pay.

The days he came by were usually busy, but today it wasn’t. You got to go over to where he and the boys were sitting and chat with them for a while. Everything was good -you were all laughing about something Tuwaine said- until Creepy Dan walked over, his hand finding that familiar spot on your back. “I hope you’re not laughing at the food over here,” he said with a smile.

Tom noticed you immediately tense up, and his eyebrows furrowed.

“These are some of my friends,” you said to Creepy Dan. You were painfully aware of his hand still on your body, and you wanted to move out of his touch, but you knew that would just cause him to make some comment about it. Still, when his fingers started moving across your back, you couldn’t help but flinch. Creepy Dan frowned, and you knew you hit a nerve.

Tom didn’t like this. Not in a possessive no-one-can-touch-my-girl way, but in a this-man-is-creeping-(Y/N)-out-and-that’s-not-okay way. “Friends?” he laughed. “I think we’re a bit more than that babe.” He stood up from his seat and reached a hand out to Creepy Dan. “I’m Tom. Her boyfriend.”

Sure, Creepy Dan had at least 15 years on Tom, but that didn’t intimidate your boyfriend. Creepy Dan shook his hand, then chuckled and put his arm over your shoulders.

“Here I thought you had the hots for me,” he said, stroking your cheek with the back of his hand.

“Uh, mate,” Tom said, his voice level, “why don’t you take your hands off my girlfriend, yeah?”

“(Y/N) can speak for herself,” he said, then looked down at you. “Can’t you?” You swallowed nervously, your mind reeling with what happened the last time you spoke for yourself to the boss. You got nothing, pissed Creepy Dan off, and essentially egged him on into harassing you even more.

You made eye contact with Tom, and your boyfriend’s eyes narrowed. He gently took your hand and pulled you away from Creepy Dan, then stood in front of you a tad protectively. Creepy Dan’s jaw clenched, and he rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he said. “Her loss.” He started to walk away, but not before mumbling, “Stupid bitch can’t do anything right anyway.”

You saw the anger in Tom’s eyes, but you held his arm before he could do anything rash. Did you want to see Tom punch this grown man in the face? Of course you did. But you also didn’t want Tom to fight it out for you. That’d get you fired, and it’d feel like Creepy Dan still won.

Still, you couldn’t hold back the tears that came as soon as Creepy Dan was gone. Tom pulled you in for a hug, and you squeezed your eyes shut so you wouldn’t have to look at the other boys. “Why didn’t you tell me that’s why you didn’t like it here?” he asked, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

You shrugged. “‘S stupid.”

“It’s not,” he said with a shake of his head. “That man should be fired.”

“I know,” you whispered. “And I’ve tried. I’ve gone to my boss, but he just won’t listen.”

“Maybe he needs some customer complaints,” Harrison piped up. “Because I’d be happy to go to your boss and tell him that his chef ruined my meal by harassing my waitress.”

You smiled as the other boys agreed, and Tom’s hand found his way to the small of your back, comforting the spot that seemed to burn every time Creepy Dan touched it. “Thank you boys,” you said. Tom kissed your cheek, and you turned with your head held high to keep working.

Because that’s what you would do: keep working, and keep speaking up. It was hard, and it was uncomfortable, but it was important. And you knew you weren’t alone -that you had support. Because your friends weren’t the only customers who saw the interaction with Creepy Dan.

One of your tables left a note with their tip: We’re talking to your manager about the chef. That was so wrong. Stay strong girl!

It brightened up your evening and definitely made your shift go by faster. Even though the rest of the boys left, Tom stayed around so he could drive you home. The ride home was silent, save for the sound of the radio humming in the background. When you got inside, Tom swiftly gave you a kiss on the cheek. “How about I run us a bath, mm?” he asked.

“Really?” you said. Tom didn’t exactly love taking baths together. Sure, he loved the intimacy and being close to you and relaxing, but he didn’t like getting pruney, and if it didn’t lead to sex, he got bored with it.

“Yeah,” he said softly, tucking some hair behind your ear. “I thought we could relax a bit. Drink some wine. Just-” He smiled. “Just be together.”

You gave him a small smile. “We don’t have to,” you said. “I know you don’t always like taking baths together.”

“Darling,” he said, “‘M gonna take care of you tonight, okay?” You felt tears come to your eyes and nodded.

“Thank you, Tommy,” you said. He nodded and placed a kiss to your lips.

Yes, work was stressful and less than pleasant, but you didn’t have to take it home with you. Tonight, you’d let Tom take care of you. Creepy Dan was at work, but Tom was here. And he always would be.

----- ----- ----- -----

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cal-puddies · 4 years

Text

Loving on Island Time // Calum Hood

Hello Friends... I almost didn’t post this, @kindahoping4forever believes in it enough that it gets to see the light of day.

the song title comes from my boys, Dan + Shay! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QmSh3YXA0g) check out the song!

Word Count: 9254

Warnings: super self indulgent bf cal, lots of smut. lots of cuteness too.

Masterlist // Ko-Fi

Let me know what you think!

You scramble to answer your ringing phone. You’d just finished stuffing the last bit of your things into your backpack.

“That suitcase better be packed little miss.” Your boyfriend, Calum, warns.

You’d been together for 2 years and after finishing your masters, and Cal finishing an album and tour cycle, neither of you could wait for the vacation you’d planned.

“It’s packed and ready to go.” You confirm.

“Great, I’ll be there in 15. We’ll grab dinner and then head back to my place and we’ll be set for morning.”

“Ok! I’ll see you when you get here, handsome.”

Cal is surprised when he walks in to grab your bag and you are, in fact, packed. “Pretty girl, are you ready for a nice little getaway?” He asks. He is and you can tell, it’s coursing through his veins. He’s practically bouncing and he’s got the biggest smile on his face. “I’m so ready to just have all of your attention.” He wraps his arms around you, kissing on your neck, “seeing you in those short shorts and bikinis, and nothing…” he presses his lips to yours.

“I’m ready to get all these tattoos on display… get you in some sunshine.” You grin.

He pulls you into a hug, kisses your cheek and whispers in your ear, “getting you wrapped around me all over that hotel suite is probably the thing I’m most excited for.”

“Calum.” You giggle.

“Such a happy sound.” He grins against your cheek as he squeezes you tighter to his body. “Now c’mon pretty lady, need to see you in my T-shirt one more time before you spend this trip half naked or naked.” He pulls away and grabs your hand in one of his and your suitcase in the other. You grab your backpack and he leads you to his car, pausing briefly while you lock the door.

Cal had already ordered dinner so he just had to run in and get it. And he was not kidding about getting you in his T shirt.

And to be fair, you hadn’t seen each other since he flew in super quick for your graduation and then flew out to make a show. You’d barely spent an hour together, but you treasured it.

The morning was tough, you missed being snuggled up to him and he’s pushing you out of bed to catch your flight. He catches you with a “hey pretty girl” while brushing your teeth and he snaps a picture and you know he’s gonna be this way for a day or two.

Your relationship wasn’t entirely public but the more time you spend together, the less he cares. He pulls you close and holds your hands, usually by way of wrapping a few of his fingers around a few of yours. And he kisses the top of your head as you lean against him on the plane.

You knew Cal went all out on booking the hotel. You have a private villa with its own swimming pool and private beach access. It had 2 bedrooms and a common space with a dining room and living room area, and a balcony. The bathroom has a tub that’s larger than the apartment you’d lived in when you first met Cal.

“Wow… look at this tub.” You exclaim, taking in the bathroom.

Cal wraps his arms around your waist from behind. “We’ll spend plenty of time in there together. But why don’t you take a bath and relax, and I’ll wait for our bags.”

“Babe, I'd prefer…”

“I won’t hear it.” He cuts you off with a kiss. “Get in there and get relaxing.” He walks out and you get yourself in the tub.

Afterward, you pull on a robe and wander out into the common area, as you pass through the bedroom you see rose petals on the bed and candles everywhere. You pout and when you walk into the common space, you see Calum holding a glass of champagne in each hand. He hands one to you and pulls you against him. “Cal this is so romantic.” You murmur, looking up at him.

He smiles down at you and kisses you, “I’d do anything for you, pretty girl, I want you to know that.”

“This… is extravagant.” You look around before resting your head against his chest.

“You definitely deserve it, and I want you to have this. We’ve been so busy and we’ve had no time together… I know you’d be happy to stay home, but this way we can’t get distracted by outside things. And I’m so so proud of you, finishing your masters. That wasn’t easy and you sacrificed a lot, including time with me, to get it done. And now I want to dedicate this time to you.”

You pout up at him, and he kisses your bottom lip. “Thank you, Cal.”

“You’re welcome pretty girl. I’m not kidding, you deserve it.” He holds you against him while you finish the glass of champagne. And then he grabs the bottle and leads you to the bedroom. “I know you already saw all this…”

“So romantic of you.” You murmur, wrapping your arms around his neck, standing on your toes to kiss him.

“This champagne has already gone to your head?” He chuckles, hoisting you up by your thighs.

“No… the months and months we’ve been apart are going straight to my core with this romantic gesture.”

“Well…” he collapses on the bed and lays back, “who am i to deny you something you need?” he pulls you down for a kiss. He undoes the robe and pushes his hands up your thighs to your hips, and up your tummy to your breasts. He kneads them, gently pinches your nipples. “You want me to eat you, little miss?”

“No… not right now, need to be full of you.”

He slips his hands over your shoulders, pushing the robe down your arms. He pulls you into his chest, rolls you over and sits up on his knees. “I think I wanna little taste.” He murmurs, pushing your thighs apart. He runs his hands up your thighs, his lips slowly following, his breath fans across your core and your body shudders. “It’s just been so long and we both like it so much.” He mentions. He wraps both arms around your thighs.

You can’t argue with him because you love this so much. And he makes you wait, anticipating his skilled, wet tongue slicking between your folds by leaving wet kisses along both thighs, over your lips, sucking a quick hickey onto each thigh and then gently nibbling and sucking at your lips. “Cal…” you whine.

“You’re right, it’s been too long for both of us.” He grins as you slip your fingers in his hair and he licks one fat stripe along your slit, splitting your lips and finally making contact with your throbbing clit. “You weren’t kidding. Very wet.” He grins. He hmms and it turns into a hum as he wraps his lips around your clit to suck. He teases a finger tip in and you whine loudly as he decides against it and pulls his finger away. He pulls his lips off your clit and licks at the juices leaking out of your opening, your other hand grabs onto one of his on your thigh and you squeeze it. “Ok baby.” He groans, letting you go and pushing himself back up on his knees. He pulls his shirt over his head and rubs over the bulge in his shorts. “We’re gonna go ahead and get this bed crossed off our list of surfaces.” He smirks. He gets off the bed and gets his shorts and underwear off and watches you shimmy the robe off before grabbing your ankle, to pull you closer to him.

He stands between your legs and watches you eye his cock, licking your lips before he grabs your chin and directs you to look at him, “how do you want me?” You smirk.

“How do you want it?” He grins as you bite your lip and think about it and then watches you turn over, propping yourself up on your hands and knees. “My girl.” He groans, giving you a swat on your ass. He slicks his tip through your folds, and then slowly pushes all the way in.

You sigh, “oh god Cal, I’ve missed this.” You admit.

“Me too darlin, you feel so good.” He praises, hips pressed against your ass, relishing in the way you feel around him. He starts up a slow rhythm, both of you just breathing a little heavier, he holds your hips. “Ya know,” he pants, “I thought this would be a little more desperate, since it’s been so long… but I just wanna enjoy this with you.” He pulls all the way out and you whine. “I know darlin, can you turn over for me?” He asks.

You make quick work of turning over and Cal pulls you into his lap, so you’re chest to chest and face to face. You wrap your arms around his neck and press your lips to his, as he guides himself in, he grins as your eyes roll back and you pull him closer, rolling your hips on his. “Oh…” you moan, “I need this stud.”

“We both do.” He moans, pressing his lips against yours.

Cal ends up with a couple hickies on his collarbone and you have a couple high on your neck before either of you cum. You collapse together in a fit of giggles. “I missed this.” You murmur, twisting his curls in your fingers, as you lay with your head on his chest. Calum hums beneath you, agreeing with your sentiment. “You’re a marked man, handsome.” You gently push on one of his hickies.

Cal pushes the hair off your neck and caresses his thumb over one of yours before gently pressing one between your thighs. “You’re marked too, darlin.” He kisses your forehead.

“Good. Don’t need any random men hitting on me.” You wrap your arm possessively around Calum and he squeezes you tight against his body.

“You deal with that a lot?” He wonders aloud.

“When I go out with friends.” You kind of shrug. “Or if I go to the restaurant I like by your house? I go alone typically and stop by and say hi to Duke and Roy. But I always get hit on.”

“I hate that.” He murmurs, squeezing you tight to his body. “I know you don’t like it either. Just wish… sometimes… I was around for you more.”

You push yourself up on your knees next to him. “Don’t Cal. We knew when we got together that we were both sacrificing time with each other for our dreams, and if that meant 3 weeks out of a year with you, I was happy with it.”

“I hope it’s more than 3 weeks every year.” He rubs his hand on your thigh, trying to make a joke. “No, I know baby. And I love what we have, I just wanna see you more, and leave you alone less.” Cal sits up, “I adore you.” He makes eye contact with you, tucks hair behind your ear and rests his palm on your cheek.

“I’d like that too.” You nod, biting your lip.

Cal leans in and kisses your forehead, a slightly wet kiss. “Let’s get cleaned up and go explore before dinner.”

Dinner and exploring are spent catching up, you split a couple bottles of wine and Cal pulls the two of you through the villa to drop your shoes and head to the beach.

“Hey,” you mention, as you stand hand in hand letting the warm water wash over your feet, he looks at you, “did I ever tell you how much it meant that you came to my graduation? I know that day was so demanding on you.”

“Don’t downplay what that day was because I was mildly inconvenienced. I wouldn’t have been anywhere else. I’m glad you asked.” He admits, “it showed me that it was something you were proud of and valued and I should value it for you too.” He pulls you against him and kisses the side of your head, “besides,” he whispers, “koropiko.”

You look up at him curiously. Cal sometimes spoke his mother’s language to you, and you could recognize the cadence and that he was saying something, but it was still a work in progress, especially when he introduced new words.

He grins, “it means ‘adore’, I dunno, it pops in my head when I think of you.”

“Calum.” You smile at him. “That’s so sweet, handsome.”

He pulls you into him for a hug, “oh, you’re cold, why didn’t you say something?” He murmurs into the top of your head.

“Don’t feel it so much when I’m around you.” You shrug in his arms.

“C’mon, lets go inside.” He runs his hands over your ass and gives it a little squeeze before pulling you off your feet by your thighs. He collapses on the couch with you straddling him. “Would you mind, darlin, if I finished what I started earlier?” He asks, pushing the skirt of your dress up around your hips.

“I think you did finish what you started.”

“Mmm mmm. You may have cum, but it wasn’t by my tongue.” He whispers against your lips.

You grin, pushing yourself up off his lap, Cal pulls your panties down and let’s one hand skim up your thigh to your ass, he grips it, and his other hand holds your thigh as he gets comfortable. He scoots down and rests his head on the back of the couch, “up?” You ask.

“Yeah baby, C’mere.” He helps you situate over his face and pulls you down how he wants you, locking one arm around your thigh, and reaching up to pull the top of the dress down. As he licks a stripe over your clit, he starts to palm over your breasts. He doesn’t waste any time either, immediately licking his tongue up inside you. You squirm and he chuckles, “see if I’d really been done then you wouldn’t be squirming like this.” He murmurs, flicking his tongue over your clit before sucking on it.

“I’d still squirm.” You whine.

“It’s a different squirm.” He smacks your ass. “Now, be my good girl and cum on my tongue.”

“Oh god… stud, please.” You moan, gripping into his bicep and hair, rolling your hips.

He’s murmuring something into you, while working hard to make you cum with just his tongue, one of his favorite ways to make you cum.

“Calum, Calum, Calum.” You chant, digging your nails in and pulling his hair.

He licks you through your orgasm and then pulls you down into his lap. His face is shiny and wet from your juices. He holds your face and pulls you in for a kiss. “The sweetest thing,” he murmurs. “I love the sounds you make.”

You giggle, “I love making them for you.” You pull away and pull at the hem of your dress, pulling it over your head, and Cal takes his shirt off. He grins as you sink to your knees between his legs and he helps you pull his pants down.

“You don’t have to, you know?” He mentions.

“Why wouldn’t I want to?” You smirk, licking the tip, getting the taste of precum and then sitting up to kiss him, he easily meets you halfway. You plant sloppy wet kisses on his cock, using your hand to spread it. “Do you know how many nights I’d get home from a long day of class and work, and I’d just wanna see you, and be naked with you. And I’d call and by the time you answered, I’d remember you weren’t home.”

“Is that when I get the voice memos and pictures?”

“Mmhmm… and video calls for when I was wishing I could be doing this.” You murmur before wrapping your lips around his tip.

He hums and sweeps your hair up and off of your face, loosely holding it up for you. “This is why we’re so good together.” He cups your chin and caresses your cheek with his thumb. You look up at him with innocent eyes. “We love to please each other.” He groans, “pretty giiirrlll.” His hand tightens in your hair, “I need you darlin.” He moans, gently pulling your head off of him.

“Cal…?” You slurp the bit of spit still connected to his cock, and he wipes what’s dripped down your chin.

“I think I mentioned I’m having you on every surface in this place. And we don’t have time to waste… there’s a lot of space.” He smirks. Cal makes his way to the floor and pulls you into a kiss.

“You want me over this couch?” You smirk.

“I do, I very much do.” He grins. He can’t keep his hands off of you as you grab a pillow and kneel on, you put your hands on the couch but are waiting to press your chest against it. Calum situates himself behind you and he’s so slick when he pushes in.

You let out a breathy laugh, Cal grips your hips and presses his lips to your shoulder, “holy shit, darlin.”

You turn your head for a kiss, but Cal is a little coy about it, brushes his nose against yours, ghosts his lips over yours, but never just kisses you like you want. He kisses your neck and you tangle your fingers in his curls, he brings a hand up to give attention to your breasts.

You lean forward and Cal pulls his hand back, he gives you a little space and you start to control the pace, fucking yourself onto him. Cal loves this, loves the show, loves your ass, and loves the noises you make while pleasing yourself on him. He lets his fingers trail gently down your back before finally reaching around to rub your clit, only because he wasn’t going to last much longer and he needed you to cum too.

Cal leans forward and bites your earlobe “c’mon darling.” He murmurs.

“I’m cumming, stud.” You moan out loudly, feeling him pushed all the way in and he’s against you. And then you feel his cum releasing into you, and you let out little moans as you move your hips against him, milking his cock. He pulls out super slow and admires his cum leaking out of you,

“You know I love this view.” He murmurs, carefully tracing his finger over your cum covered pussy. He scoops you in his arms and pulls you into his lap as he collapses back to the couch. He gently palms your breasts and squeezes your nipples, “these sensitive little friends are gonna be the center of attention in the morning.”

You trace your finger around his and grin, “... and these will be mine.”

He bits his lip and pulls you into a kiss. “Let’s go get cleaned up and we’ll get a bottle of wine and we can sit outside and catch up?”

“I’m kinda tired, Cal, and we have brunch at 10 tomorrow morning.”

“I know, I know, I just don’t want this day to end. Ever.” He admits.

Your heart kinda melts and you melt into him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I don’t want it to end either.” You admit. He rubs your back for a few minutes and then you both get up and take a quick shower.

You pull on the hoodie Cal brought for you, he pulls on basketball shorts and you both go to sit outside with the wine. You curl up in his lap because he wants you close. You finish the bottle of wine and stay up way longer than you should, just being together. The conversation was minimal but the cuddles and kisses were plenty.

After the day of travel and the multiple orgasms, you both needed it.

You fall asleep outside and are only woken when the sun starts to rise. Cal sleepily hoists you up and takes you to bed; both of you shedding the one piece of clothing you're wearing while he closes the curtains.

Calum pulls you into him once he’s in bed next to you and you swing your leg over his hip putting you on top of him. He presses his lips to yours. Your eyes don’t even open. “Cal.” You murmur against his lips. “Handsome…”

He situates himself, tip just at your entrance, letting you decide if you want him that way. He's not surprised at all when you wiggle your hips to take him all the way in and then drop your legs to the side.

You both slowly roll your hips against one another, building very slow orgasms, but it seemed to be noted that it wasn’t about that, it was just about being close. And to further solidify that, you both fall asleep before either of you finish.

Cal is the first one up for the day, and he wants to get up, but he doesn’t want to move you. He thinks you look peaceful and you’re sitting still for once. He sweeps your hair out of your face and kisses your forehead, watching as you slowly start to wake up. “Hi.” You murmur, turning your head toward him.

“Hey darlin.” He grins. “Sleep well?”

“It’s nice to wake up with you.” You nod, yawning and stretching.

“Yeah, it’s nice to wake up in you.” He smirks.

You gently hit his chest, and then push yourself up. You slowly roll your hips a couple times, “you’re right, this is nice.”

“You gonna get yourself off on me, then?”

“Do you mind? I’m kinda into it now.” You wink with a smirk.

“My pretty baby wants to use me to get off? I don’t mind at all.” He rubs his hands up your thighs and settles them on your hips for a moment. “I think I promised you more attention for these nipples today.” He murmurs, sitting himself up against the headboard. He immediately starts mouthing them.

“Oh fuck.” You moan, you put your hands on his chest so you can grope him and pinch his nipples as well.

If either of you thought this was gonna be slow, that thought is quickly gone as you get yourself bouncing on his cock, “that’s it darlin.” He encourages in a loud moan.

Cal cums first and loudly, and he only takes a beat before lifting you off of his cock in favor of pushing his fingers in to work you. He cradles you to his chest as he quickly works his fingers in and out of you. Your flick your tongue over his nipples, sucking them occasionally, his grunts make you hotter, and aid in getting you off faster.

“Calum…” you whine, arching your back.

He tightens his arm around your waist and slows his fingers down, switching to a caress inside of you, watching you squirm as he coos, “so good darlin, I can feel it, you’re right there.”

You let out a strangled whine, and grip into his chest as you cum, Cal pulls his fingers out but continues to rub his palm against your clit, keeping you from fully coming down for a while. “I missed this.” You admit, looking up for his lips.

“Me too,” he murmurs. “The one time you truly need me. Otherwise you are just fine to be independent.”

“I think you like it that way too.” You arch your back again.

“Of course I do.” He chuckles, drawing his hand away.

You finally look at the clock. “Cal.” You chuckle. “It’s fuckin noon.”

“We were up late.” He reasons.

“Breakfast ended at 10:30.” You pout.

“I won’t let you starve little one, don’t worry, let’s get showered and we’ll find some food before hitting the beach.” He promises.

The next few days go much the same way: time spent touching and being together, being outside, or trying to find food, because you inevitably miss all of the planned times the restaurants are open until dinner.

“I gotta keep you inside today.” Cal murmurs after slow, wake up, cuddle sex.

“Why?” You pout.

“Your skin is so pink. I’m worried about you.”

“What if we skip the beach? But we can still do the pool. It’s in the shade.”

“I’m ok with that plan.” He chuckles. “C’mon, lets get some pool time in before lunch.” He gets out of bed and puts on his swim shorts and he helps you tie the back of your bikini top. You grab the pool towels and head out to the private pool.

You spend the majority of the time wrapped around Cal and he’s perfectly happy with that. You whine about missing breakfast again, and how you wanted to partake in bottomless mimosas, he promises to make more of an effort to get up in the coming days, and keep his hands off so it’s possible, though you aren’t sure you want to sacrifice.

After a couple hours Cal prompts you about your grumbling stomach and the two of you head inside to shower and get ready for lunch.

There’s nothing spectacular about it but he looks so happy when he’s looking at you from across the table, eyes red from the chlorine exposure and late nights, pink cheeks from all the laughing, his black curls falling perfectly on his head, and he's got the softest look on his face.

You slowly head back to your room and Cal’s got his hands all over you. “Wanna nap?” He chuckles as you guys walk in.

“I could go for a nap if we’re planning another late night.” You admit.

“All of our nights here are gonna be late, little one. I feel like it’s when you get the best of me.” He admits.

“It’s definitely the least guarded me.” You agree.

“And that’s who I want.” He nods. It seems like he’s gonna say something else but his phone rings and you’re both confused by it for a minute, neither having heard your phones so much as vibrate in the days you’d been here. He picks it up and looks it over, “it’s Ash. He’s called a couple times.”

You grab yours and look at him, “he called me too. Better answer.”

“Hey, you’re on speaker.” Cal says, putting the phone on the table.

“Hey. I’m sorry to bother you, I know this is your time away with your girl, but Kay Kay and i broke up and I think it’s for good this time and I really need someone to talk to.”

You smile at Cal, “I’ll just… go for a short walk.” You shrug.

“20 minutes Ash, that’s it.” Cal gives him a firm number, and watches as you walk out the door.

As you wander around the resort, you notice all the Plumeria growing in the bright colors, it makes you think of Cal, and you decide to pick some to take back with you.

You unlock the door back into the room and Cal is sitting on the couch, Ash rambling over speaker phone, he’s just nodding along and adding a couple little affirmations he’s still listening. He makes eye contact with you and then picks up his phone.

“Ash, your 20 is up.” He cuts his friend off.

“Yeah yeah yeah, ok. You two stay out of trouble.” He laughs.

“Can’t get in trouble if we never leave the room.” You laugh.

“Fair point.” He laughs loudly, “have fun and be safe. Take care of our boy.” Ash says before the phone beeps and the line goes quiet.

“Whatcha got there?” Calum asks, looking at the flowers.

“Oh! I dunno they made me think of you. I wanted you to see them.” You say, handing over the handful.

Cal stares at the flowers in his hand for a moment and then looks at you, he pulls you in for a hug and squeezes you tight against him. “So sweet, darlin.”

You grin up at him and he kisses your nose, “well, we’ve had sex on the table, the coffee table, outside by the pool, the shower, counter in the bathroom, this chair, the couch, our bed… I think we gotta hit up the guest room.” You admit, winking at him.

“I'm so glad you’re on board.” He smirks, he gently sets the flowers down and pulls you off your feet.

You expect Cal to set you on the dresser or side table and have his way with you, but he carefully lays you back on the bed and undresses you slowly, letting his lips trail your entire body. He pulls away and leaves the room, you naked and spread on the bed, but he comes back with a cup in hand. He leans in for a kiss and then takes a drink from the glass, but the second he presses his lips to your stomach, you know he’s got ice in his mouth. You squeal when he wraps his lips around one of your nipples.

“Seems like you could use a cool down after that walk.” He murmurs, switching to the other side.

You tangle your fingers in his hair, and Calum kisses between your breasts and down over your belly to your core. You squeal again before he even makes contact, and you squirm. He gets another piece of ice in his mouth before kissing on each of your thighs.

He pulls away and sheds his clothes. “You look like you’ve cooled down.” He murmurs, getting situated between your thighs. He grabs your thigh and rests it against his chest, leaning in for a kiss as he pushes in.

This is different than it had been every time before, and you can feel it in Cal’s motions. He’s keeping you close, and keeping eye contact with you as much as possible. And though he’s done this before, he’s pouring emotion into every look. You grip your nails into his back as you're about to cum, and he nods at you, pressing your lips together. He cums just a bit after you and pulls out, letting himself rest against your body, head on your chest. You start gently scratching his scalp as the two of you say nothing. But you both feel content with that.

Cal’s quiet the rest of the day. He’s doodling in his notebook and you’re tucked under his arm reading a book you’d bought at the airport, just enjoying being together. Every so often he’ll lean over to kiss your neck.

You opt for dinner on the patio, Cal is very content in your bubble right now and he’s not wanting to introduce an outside presence to it. But that’s fine for you.

You both change into the minimal clothing and you crawl back in his lap on the patio. “Hey little one.” He murmurs.

“Handsome.” You snuggle against his chest and take a deep breath. Cal wraps his arms around you and plants kisses to the top of your head. You take another deep breath, “I love you, sweet boy.” You murmur. You feel his heart rate pick up in his chest.

“I love you, little one.” He murmurs into the top of your head and you give him a squeeze.

“You were right to keep me out of the sun today.” You mention, closing your eyes, nuzzling into his neck. “Skins a little tender.”

He laughs in his chest, “I figured, that’s why we did the ice earlier.”

“No, you just wanted to see how I’d react.” You chuckle, “and that’s ok. I liked it, stud.”

“Oh pretty girl.” He hums.

“I’m so happy right now.” You look up at him for a kiss. He’s slightly shocked when you reach between the two of you to pull his cock out so you can slide yourself on it.

“Me too.” He hums.

Calum wakes you up early, kissing gently on your neck. “My love.” He murmurs.

You realize you're in bed with no recollection of how you got there. “Hey bubba.”

“You fell asleep kinda early last night.”

“Sorry.” You pout.

“For what? For needing some extra sleep after I’ve spent the last week having you over every surface of this room? Nothing worth apologizing for.” He chuckles. “But I love you.” He pushes the hair off your face, “and I wanna have you before I get you to brunch on time at least once this trip.”

You can feel your face soften at the admission, “I love you.” You grin, gripping into him.

Cal pulls you under him, and easily slips himself into you. This session is very similar to the one before dinner. He keeps you close, capturing all your moans and whines in a kiss.

You love all the ways Cal has you, easily, but nothing is quite like when he’s above you. His necklaces dangling down against your chest, feeling his body work, watching the muscles in his arms tense and release with the rhythm, and it always makes you feel impossibly close to him.

“Calum.. Calum… Calum…” the chant is light and breathy and he’s feeling the way you’re squeezing him.

“I’ve gotcha my love. You can let go.” He presses his lips to yours and feels as you cum, and soon after fills you with his cum. Cal pulls out and immediately rolls you over so you’re on top of him. The two of you lay quietly for a while, Calum rubbing your back. You eventually get up and get showered, the two of you finally making your brunch reservation.

“I’ve been kinda thinking about something.” Cal mentions, you look at him curiously, “I wanna do something to commemorate this trip. So many big things. And you brought me flowers yesterday. My heart swelled…” he pulls his notebook out and shows you what he had been drawing the day before. “I want to get tattoos. Like I’ll get one and you get one? If you're comfortable with that. I’d like them to be similar, but again, depends on how you feel about it.” He shrugs, watching you close.

“I like that idea… what if… what did you say to me the other day? Koropiko? What if I write it for yours and you write it for mine? You’re always gonna be a part of me Cal.”

“That’s exactly how I feel.” He grins. “I want you to take time to think about this, ok? I want to make sure it’s something you want. We have a few more days here.”

“Bubba… I’d love to do this with you. I don’t need to think about it.”

After brunch, Cal sets to work on finding a tattoo shop, he consults the concierge, and a couple other people who work at the resort, And by dinner, you have an appointment with the best artist around for the next day.

“Where are you getting yours?” He asks, carefully tearing the page from his notebook before you head out.

“I’m not entirely sure yet,” you admit, “maybe here?” You point to the spot just before where your elbow bends. “Where are you getting yours?”

“Here.” He points to the spot between his Mali Koa tattoo and the alive tattoo on his wrist. “So I can see it.” He shrugs.

“That’s why I wanted mine here.” You smile. Cal leans down for a kiss, and then grabs your hand as the two of you walk out of the room.

“You wanna go first?” He asks, while the artist transfers his drawing to the transfer paper, after getting you both to do your writing of “Koropiko.”

“Kinda… I’m a little nervous.” You admit.

“You already have one.” He smiles, “I’ll be there the whole time, you can hold my hand.” He promises, pulling you in and kissing your forehead.

“I know. I wish I had more like you, but I’m a scaredy cat.” You murmur.

The artist interrupts your moment, “colors? We can do a few different ones, if you guys wanna come look and we can decide and get started.”

Cal very quickly picks a light pink with a dark pink toward the center of the flower, like the ones you brought for him, and you decide on the white and yellow ones, that you’d seen across the island as well.

The tattoos are done quick, you’re both done within a couple hours, and then you head back.

“Hey, wanna put on that dress for me tonight?” He asks, referring to the black dress he’d asked you to bring for a more dressed up night out.

“Sure handsome.” You agree.

“Feels like it’s the right night for it.” He shrugs.

“I mean, let’s be real Cal, you could keep me naked in bed and this would be my favorite vacation ever.” You smirk.

He grins and you both collapse on the couch together, you under his arm. You turn over your arm and look at the tattoo under the cellophane. And Cal moves his arm next to yours. “You’ve got my handwriting tattooed on you.” He murmurs.

“And your drawing… you’ve got my handwriting.” You press your lips to his collarbone.

“Happy to.” He nods grinning at you. He presses a gentle kiss on to your neck, leaving a trail up to your ear. He gently sucks on the lobe. “I want you.” He whispers. “Watching you get my design and my writing inked on your skin…” he lets out a little moan.

“Calum.” You giggle, turning your face to him, letting him lock your lips together.

“C’mon, we can shower, it’s about time to rinse these anyway, and we can have some fun in the shower.”

“So you can’t wait for tonight?” You double check with a smirk.

“No ma’am I cannot. Gonna need you now.” He confirms, scooping you in his arms to whisk you away to the shower. He carefully removes the cellophane from your arm and then his, and pulls you into the shower. “We’re gonna have to use the tub together tomorrow.” Cal starts the water and very diligently and gently helps you wash your tattoo, followed by his own before pulling you into him. “I love you.” He murmurs, holding you tight, pressing his lips over your face and neck.

“Cal.” You moan, and he pulls you off your feet and presses you against the wall. He teases, fingers at your entrance and against your clit, and then moves to the tip of his cock. He switches to teasing kisses too, barely swiping his tongue across your lip and not allowing you to deepen the kiss. You whine against this mouth, and he finally pushes in, letting you know he hears you. He buries himself deep and just teasingly rolls his hips, not giving you enough friction to do anything with. “You really gonna tease me this much Hood?”

“Just a gentle reminder of who always takes care of you.” He murmurs.

“How could I ever forget?” You moan. “Please stud.”

He starts to move his hips more and you grip hard into his skin. Cal gives you a full blown kiss and bites your lip as he pulls away. “You’re beautiful.” He caresses his thumb across your cheek.

You cling tighter to him and he rocks his hips deeper into you, finally bringing you both to orgasm.

You watch Cal get dressed, putting on his nice pants and the button down he brought, slipping the belt through the belt loops. He eyes you as he does it, “You gonna behave?” He asks, knowing that belt drives you wild.

“I find it interesting you brought that belt.”

“I wasn’t exactly expecting us to be as… love drunk?... as we’ve been.” He admits. “Thought we’d get some other use out of it.” He smirks.

“Mmkay.” You raise your eyebrows and think about all the things that have happened with that belt.

Cal can tell you’re slightly distracted as you sit next to each other in the booth at dinner. “Thought you were gonna behave?” He whispers as your hand slides up his thigh.

“I’m not jerking you off under the table… so I’d call that behaving.” You joke.

“I don’t think I’d be opposed. Remember when I made you cum at dinner when you came to visit? With ash sitting right across from us?”

“Fuckin hot.” You groan. “Did you ever figure out if he knew?” You chuckle.

“Oh he definitely knew. He didn’t want to embarrass you though, little miss.” He kisses your cheek. “Please keep behaving. We can play with the belt back in the room. You’re ass has not been sore at all.” He whispers.

“I was hoping you’d want to use it in other ways.” You smirk.

“I’m open love, just be good for me.” He gives you his serious eyes.

“Cal, I understand. No shenanigans at dinner.” You laugh. “I’ll be a good girl.” You sit back against the seat.

“My good girl,” he murmurs in your ear, squeezing your knee.

“You have to be good too…” you pout, “I did learn to fashion that belt into restraints.” You remind him.

“And I’ve been waiting for you to use it on me ever since.” He chuckles, not really sure if you’re serious.

You can’t get back to the room fast enough and the first thing that’s done is the belt is pulled through the loops and tossed to the bed, the only thing they two of you were gonna need besides the lube already next to the bed.

Cal loves it as he watches you take charge, immediately watching you grab for the belt first once you’re down to your lingerie. “This comes with a price.” He reminds you.

“And as you’ve already pointed out, my ass hasn’t been sore like that this trip.” You shrug. You push him to the bed and he holds his hand above his head, wrists together, he grins as you straddle him, leaning over and very obviously putting your tits in his face. He uses his teeth to move the fabric so he can get his mouth around your nipple while you work. He knows you’re taking your time and pretending to fuss with the belt so that you can keep him doing that. He switches over to the other nipple. “Baby boy,” you coo, pressing your breasts more onto his face before abruptly sitting up.

You get off of him, working his underwear down his legs, he spreads his legs and you sit on your knees between them. You gently run your hand over his balls and hard cock where it rests against his stomach. You leave his pink headed cock alone for a moment while you reach to take the bra off, leaving you in your panties. “I like you like this. I can play with your cock how I want,” you lean up to kiss him, “no guidance from you.”

“No physical guidance… still got a mouth, little miss.” He tsks.

“And I’ve still got panties I can stuff in there.” You wink, straddling his hips and slipping his hard cock into your panties, rubbing yourself against him.

“You’re so wet for me.” He grins.

“That seems right.” You grin, pushing yourself up, hands on his chest. You slowly roll your hips, letting his hard cock slip between your pussy lips, rubbing against your clit. “Holy hell stud.” You grin, “should I just make us cum like this?” You ponder out loud.

“I hate that I can’t touch you.” He groans, pulling at his restraints.

“I know handsome.” You slow your hips to a painful pace and then slide him out. You push up off him and pull your panties down, leaning in to kiss him. “Can’t wait to suck your cock.” You whisper, sucking his ear lobe. You pull away, “open up.” You ball up your panties.

“You sure you wanna do that? I know you love to hear me moan.” He smirks, but then opens his mouth.

“I can handle the muffled moans for a bit.” You push the fabric into his mouth, “that ok?” You double check. He nods, “great!” You press your lips to his and start to kiss down his neck, over his chest tattoos. You take the time to flatten your tongue against each of his nipples, you enjoy his back arching off the bed and his muffled moan as you suck them. “Baby boy,” you coo, leaving open mouth kisses down over his stomach, finally letting your lips meet his red tip, just beginning to leak. You lavish your tongue over his sensitive cock, taking him in your mouth.

When you finally take him in your throat, you realize instantly how much you miss hearing him, it’s one of your favorite parts about being with Cal, you slick up his cock with extra spit and pull off, wrapping your hand around his cock and kissing back up his chest, bringing your mouth back to his nipples. You can hear the muffled moans better, being so close to him, but as you flick your tongue over his right nipple and twist your hand around his cock, you want more, you gently wrap your free hand around his throat, and continue working your other wrist, “so hot like this baby boy… but you’re right, I miss the moans, at least this way I can feel them.” You grin. Cal’s enjoying it, he loves this and you can definitely tell by the look on his face. But you also know he’s gonna turn this on you as soon as he gets the chance.

“Try and let me know before you cum baby boy?” You ask, speeding your hand up. It’s only a couple minutes and he starts pulling at his hands, and whining more than moaning, “oh, is it time?” You give a teasing smirk, and a quick squeeze at his neck before moving to take him back in your mouth. Cal’s hips thrust into your mouth, spilling his hot cum as he goes. You swallow most of it and pull off, pressing your body against his, laying on top of him as you pull the fabric from his mouth.

He comes in agressively for a kiss, forcefully licking into your mouth, hunting down the traces of his cum, and the small bit left under your tongue for him. “Ready to switch this up?” He grins.

“What’s tonight’s specialty?” You ask, pushing yourself up to undo his hands.

“Well… you muffled me… i want you to scream, so you aren’t cumming till you’re loud enough.” He explains, waiting for his hands to be free. Once they are, he grabs for the belt and scoops you against him, kissing you slowly, “gonna be hard for you. I know you’re already worked up and once I use this belt on your ass?” He murmurs against your lips, swallowing your moan.

It takes nothing for Cal to flip you over his lap, you haven’t often explored these sides of each other but you’re definitely interested in doing more.

He smooths his hand down your back, and over your ass, gently pinching it. Cal teases the leather over your ass, and then lets you have a soft spank with it. It still stings and you grip into the bed spread. “You’re so hot when you’re in charge.” He praises, letting the belt meet your ass again, “but, you’re amazing like this too.”

Cal gives you ten, not doing them any harder than needed for a little sting and to turn your ass red. You’re already moaning when he finishes that, turning you over, you look up at him as he gently runs his fingers between your breasts and down to your core, feeling how wet you are. He takes note of your hard nipples. He tweaks them, while his fingertips on his other hand gently, lightly, tease your clit.

“Cal.” You whine, “c’mon stud, touch me.”

“Oh I am, little miss.” He teases. “Don’t you feel this?” He rubs your clit slightly harder, and pulls his fingers away, instead rubbing his soaked digits over your nipples. “Ever since you first jumped me when I was wearing this belt, I’ve always wondered what your obsession was?” He reaches for the leather, careful to not touch the cool buckle with his hand. He lightly drags it across your skin, and over your nipples, watching your body shudder. “Is it this buckle?” He changes his grip on the belt, folding it half, “the soft leather?” He trails it across your thighs, and gently slaps it across your pussy.

He watches your body writhe across his lap, and grins, letting the belt fall against your skin again. “Pretty baby.” He grins, “gonna be loud for me?” He checks, resituating the two of you, you on your back and spread open for him, him on his stomach. He playfully nips at your thighs, his tongue gently licks over your lips.

You know he’s playing the long game. This whole thing is gonna be torturous, slow. He gently licks your core, splitting your lips slightly to find your clit, soaked, swollen, throbbing already. He rolls his tongue over the flesh before pulling it between his lips, starting the lightest sucking sensation you think you’ve ever felt.

You suck in a sharp breath, “fuuck baby boy.” You moan.

“You’re gonna have to be louder than that little miss.” He murmurs into your folds.

He keeps up the slow pace, working just one finger in, and then two. You let out a long sigh and tangle your fingers in his curls and something seems to snap in him. He withdraws his fingers and pushes them into your mouth. He waits for you to clean them and then pulls you back against his mouth, angling your hips slightly up as he starts to loudly lick and suck your most sensitive parts. He tilts your hips up, moving his body so he can easily push his tongue in, flicking it against your opening, feeling you shake against him. He pulls away, knowing you're close, “what did I say?” He asks, smacking your clit with the flat of his hand, you jolt, and try to pull away, but he holds you tighter, delivering another smack with the flat of his hand, you whimper hard. “you’re gonna have to be a hell of a lot louder than that love, I can barely hear you.” He taunts delivering another, you make sure the following whimper is much louder in volume, but he still delivers another smack, dissatisfied with what he hears. “C’mon little miss, I know you can be louder.”

Your hips buck, he grips them harder and lightly rubs his fingertip over your clit. “Please Cal!” You whine.

“Little miss,” he’s almost stern as he lets his tongue lick around your opening, “begging isn’t going to help you here. I know you wanna cum, I can feel it. Need you to be loud for me.” He reminds you.

“Calum, fuck.” You whine louder, “stud… please.” You cry out.

“There we go… keep that up baby and I’ll let you cum.” He promises, going back to noisily eating your pussy. His face is covered in your juices, you can feel his cheeks against your thigh. His tongue dips back inside as his nose rubs against your clit, his free hand touching your body any and everywhere he can.

Your loud moans are broken up with softer whines, fingers pulling hard on his hair. “Calum.” You moan out, louder than before, he palms over your breast, cupping it, rolling the nipple between his thumb and finger and your hips buck as you chant his name, cumming on his tongue. He licks you through, grinning as he watches you writhe against his mouth and pull desperately at the bed spread.

“So proud of you little miss,” he murmurs, slowly licking over sensitive spots. He gently sets your hips back on the bed, kissing up your body to pull you close giving you an intense open mouth kiss. “How do you feel?” He murmurs against your lips.

You bury your face against his chest, “we need to explore these sides of us more often.” You murmur. You feel him chuckle.

“Yeah I don’t know if I’d ever get enough of you like that… in either situation.”

“I could say the same for you.” You look up at him and he kisses your nose.

You lay together, kissing softly until it turns needy and you throw your leg over his hip and and it turns into slow sex, rolling your hips together, moaning into kisses.

“Caaaal,” you drawl, digging your fingers into his skin, he pulls you closer, bodies melding together.

“That’s it Darlin.” He murmurs, encouraging you further. It’s probably only minutes but it feels like and entire lifetime together when you both finally cum, you first and cal just a few moments behind. You both lay quietly, him still buried in you, lightly dragging his fingertips up and down your back, as if he knows that more than that could be too much for you. “Wanna take a bath with me?” He asks.

“Yeah.” You murmur. He knows you're exhausted, he can feel it in the way you rest on him. And he admires for a second that even if you don’t get to spend as much time together as either of you would like, he still knows you and your body so well. He presses several kisses to the top of your head and across your cheeks when you look up at him. “What’s that for?” You giggle.

“Felt like you needed some affection. And I am happy to give it.” He wraps his arms tight around you and drags you both from the bed. He sets you on the counter as he readies the bath, a quick reminder that you can’t submerge the tattoos, and you sink beneath the water between his thighs, taking a deep breath, letting out a sigh. “You alright?” He whispers, arm wrapping around your waist.

“Mmm.” You nod, twining your fingers with his, “just really sad this is coming to an end, Cal. We’ve never had time like this, and it’s been such a, like… dream?”

“I hear you. But, I have time off, and I’m so excited for what your plan is. And I’m happy to support you.”

“You know launching this is gonna be such a big ordeal, and I’ll have very little time.”

“Darlin, I’m aware. But I can’t wait to be a doting boyfriend for a bit and really get to experience this with you. You’ve worked so hard and built yourself to this point. I’m so fuckin proud of you.” He pulls you tight against him and kisses on your cheek and neck for emphasis. “What do you think about champagne tonight? Maybe a little snack too?”

“I feel very positively about both of those things tonight.” You chuckle, turning to kiss him.

“Good.” He murmurs against your lips. It quickly turns into a make out session that Cal has to stop from going much further. “Let’s go relax.” He whispers, pressing his forehead to yours.

So you take up your spot on his lap out by the pool, a bottle of champagne that you’re both taking pulls off, and some chocolate and fruit.

“This couldn’t be more perfect, my love.” He murmurs.

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#calum hood #boyfriend!cal #vacay!calum #loving on island time #not sure about this #super self indulgent

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stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland · 3 years

Text

Hi guys! As promised to that Anon, I wrote the timelines. I decided to write only the key points though because these are things we already know, and then, I’m sure there are more than a thousand proofs around and people who have already spoken about it. Enjoy.

Drum roll, please 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Let’s start with the first competitor: Tyrone William Griffin, aka Typical Dish Snacked Ty Dolla $ign 04/13/1982, the man who liked to tweet things like “I’m the curator of lesbians”.

PRen Tyren: As I already mentioned in the post “There is a light at the end of the tunnel”, it all started on the evening of November 15, 2016, when 5H went to the Epic party. Due to Laucy’s picture of the wedding and the ‘official’ coming out then occurred a few days later, on November 18, 2016, Lauren needed a boyfriend. That same night at the party, Typecast accepted the management’s proposal.

Typo tweeted “LMJ” on January 4, 2017, and then immediately deleted it. First move to create speculation since, presumably, Lauren ‘was’ still with Ludicrous. Shortly thereafter, a blind item about L who was having an affair with a married man came out. On January 10, 2017, Nicole Cartolano posted that picture of Laucy in the snow with a piñata. After wishing her a happy birthday, as we already know, luBYE. On February 13, 2017, there were the first PRren pictures at the Grammy after-party, so that people would start believing the blind item, BUT, making it clear that he wasn’t a married man, but a taken one, and yes, MAN, since Tyred is 14 years older than her, and therefore inculcating the idea that L was really cheating on Luggage. On March 9, 2017, Tymbal posted a picture of them together, coincidentally, the day after he advertised his upcoming album ‘Beach House 3’.

On March 22, 2017, we had ‘Bare With Me’ and Nicole Cartolano’s interview with MTV News. On the 23rd, we had, still very coincidentally and totally unplanned, “no I hate it because it’s invasive, scary, delusional, disrespectful to us both and was never real…Ever”, because, because, SHE DECIDES. NOT US. PERIOD. (sorry, I had to 😂. This is another of L’s tweets dating back to July 2, 2017: “I decide. Not you. Period.”) Joking apart, because she was single and she certainly couldn’t let the fans have hope for her and C, so she tried to kill the Camren ship for the umpteenth time. “Hey, hey, Lo, how’d it go? That bad, eh?” “Let me try again in 2020.” “Laur, babe, I’ll tell you what. I’m from the future, okay? It didn’t work, honey. And I don’t think it’s gonna work either in, I don’t know, in 2030.”

Back to the program.

The day before Nicole’s MTV article and eight days later, Twix posted a series of tweets (21: “Lo” - 30: “You look better on me 👀”, Cuban flag, and “I think she like me 😍”) [👈🏼 ‘Great grammar’ said in Lauren’s voice] which he then of course deleted to make everything more and more mysterious, and thus making people connect and figure out who was that ‘LMJ’ tweeted in January. On April 14, 2017, we had a picture of L with TyPod and his family dating back the night before when they celebrated Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’s birthday, followed by the blurred picture of the 15th of them together at Coachella. On April 18, 2017, Alycia Bella, Tinky Winky’s ex, tweeted “when you get cheated on w a 5th harmony member & all you can do is laugh.”, and then immediately deleted it, thus giving even more confirmation to people that both had cheated, despite Teletubbies denied and defended himself: “been moved on :) no cheating. Keep it Taylor’d. gang gang 🤘🏽🤘🏽”. The same Alycia who complained of being cheated on by Telly for ‘another girl’ during the reality show ‘The Platinum Life’ which aired on October 15, 2017 and that was recorded MONTHS BEFORE.

There were other tweets that Tyronic continued to tweet and then delete (April 1: “I think about you all the time” - April 3: “You my favorite” and “I don’t know what I did to deserve you” - April 7: “Really like what you’ve done to me”), Insta-stories and posts by both, and other public appearances together to increase the public’s curiosity. Such as: 1) Mani’s birthday. 2) August 16, 2017, when 5H did that famous and messy phone interview with The Sun for Dan Wooton’s podcast, one of Salmoned Cow’s well-known puppies friends, during which Dan asked Lauren about his relationship with Twinkly and she replied that they were just vibing. 3) Lauren’s birthday. 4) On September 11, 2017, Lauren posted pictures about the FentyxPuma party, and in one of those posts with pictures of her and Troglodyte, she put the caption with three hearts emojis, thus confirming to people that she and Tipsy were together.

February 2017 was the chosen month for Pukeren to ‘become’ official, confirmed by Typed in an interview at the Power 105.1 FM morning show The Breakfast Club on October 31, 2017, though, so a long time later and when the waters had already calmed down. By saying February, Tyring confirmed the cheatings exactly as it was planned. In another interview with BigBoyTV made on November 2, 2017, Typology showed the interviewees how even the background of his phone was a picture of Lauren. Picture that, by the way, Lauren herself posted 21 days before that by wearing Tijuana’s merchandise sweatshirt, so not even a personal picture that you’d normally expect to see from a real boyfriend.

Blah blah blah, Lauren never needed to defend a person so much in her life, blah blah blah, weed and booze and parties, blah blah blah, dogs (and fake allergies when convenient), blah blah blah, #Laurenthegroupie, blah blah blah, Tara and social media don’t get along very well, blah blah blah, #freepoorTweed ⛓️👮🏼 who was just having some fun with his friends, blah blah blah. We know the rest of the farce, and moving on to two years later, and therefore at the end of the PR, on April 15, 2019, Tic Tac tweeted a broken heart before zeroing his social media and Lauren a post on her social media, both implying the end of their oh so real ‘relationship’.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Let’s move on to competitor number two: Maturely Hushed Matthew Hussey, 06/19/1987. The scammer par excellence (since 2012). The salesman who pretends to be a life coach/dating advice expert by deluding poor women who fall into his bullshit. The charlatan who has an infinity of fraud charges and even a restraining order for stalking and harassment by a woman named Samantha C. of San Diego. [this woman continually talked about the situation on her Instagram account, cheating_matthewhussey. Even Chelsea Briggs liked a picture.]

Ewmila Mattmila: The skit was supposed to start a lot sooner in reality. They ‘met’ for the first time on September 29, 2017, on the set of NBC’s Today show (performance that C dedicated to the Dreamers), but nobody has heard much about it, right? There was only a single Billboard article that did that. Following that meeting, it was supposed to start in October 2017, when they also started to follow each other on IG, but everything was postponed because C’s album was postponed. The album was released on the 12th, and by pure coincidence, on January 11th, 2018, during the interview with Elvis Duran, and COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE, C mentioned Matilda for the first time by saying she was a fan of his. The same Mattress (10 years older than her) who coincidentally was there that day, so a setup for the public to make believe that they’d met that day.

The next day, at the release of the album ‘Camila’, C performed at Good Morning America, and Macaque, again by pure coincidence, had a small slot in the same program. On January 15, 2018, during the interview with Zane Lowe, when he asked if she had someone special in her life at that time, she replied with “maybe”, which was a big yes when she read “I can’t say your name without smiling” just before from her phone notes. On January 22, 2018, on Zach Sang Show, C said that she’s a private person and that she doesn’t like the ‘public thing’ since the Austin fiasco. Another bullshit said to make the public believe that it was the truth and take advantage of the events that would happen shortly thereafter, since, literally 18 days later, on February 9, E! News exclusively posted the first Burpmila pictures on vacation on a beach in Cabo, Mexico.

Blah blah blah, we know, blah blah blah, they lived in airports to get papped, blah blah blah, they even paid fans to do it, blah blah blah, “He’s great”, blah blah blah, “She’s great”, blah blah blah, #They'reGREAT!, blah blah blah, let’s kiss in a children’s playground #Sinu #needyCamila #someonepleaseteachStMatteohowtoholdagirl #SofiwasdecidingwhethertoreturntotheSagradaFamiliaorgoontheswingratherthanwitnessthatugliness, blah blah blah, let’s get to the first oh so real oh so important obstacle in their story.

On August 12, 2019, a Dutch singer named Elieve did an interview in which she confessed that she and Camila were dating the same guy (Matchbox) at the same time. Elieve was in London from the beginning of January to the beginning of February 2018 and Matzo was in London from January 14 to 19, so they met on one of those days.

Blah blah blah, let’s pretend we’ve overcome this obstacle, blah blah blah, let’s pretend we’re a super happy couple, blah blah blah, Disneyworld, blah blah blah, let’s go skiing, blah blah blah, trip to Italy, blah blah blah, Shawn’s entry, blah bl- wait… Oh yeah, it’s the second PR’s turn. Goodbye Ew! ‘Thank you very much for nothing. Bye-bye!!’ said in Lauren’s voice. End of ‘story’ on May 11, 2019, that is, the last time they were photographed together, news confirmed on June 25, 2019, only 4 days after the release of Señorita.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Even if it wasn’t part of the request, this is a bonus of mine just because.

Señorita + Shitmila Showmila Shawmila: On January 27, 2018, Camila, Shaky, and Andrew, Shavable’s manager, were papped in a restaurant eating pizza before the Pre-Grammy Gala in New York City. That meeting took place to propose the idea of the PR to C to help increase both Shallow’s music sales and his image. Camila was uncertain. 2017 had been a great year for her as a first time as a solo artist, and she knew that she would’ve to play her cards even better during 2018; plus, the PR with Matryoshka hadn’t even officially started and had already been postponed for a few months because the release of her album ‘Camila’ had been postponed.

Andrew explained to her that the PR with Chauffeur wasn’t going to be done right away at all, also because as C would have her PR relationship with EatchEW, Shanty would have that kind of PR relationship/not relationship with Hailey Baldwin (now Bieber) that only served to make people speculate and maintain the idea that Shazam wasn’t gay. Andrew also explained to her that their future PR relationship would benefit both of their careers because there would be a collaboration, a number 1 hit, which they would look for and use as a launchpad for the narrative. #friendswhothenfallinlove #RomeoandJulietbullshit

This perfect duet, went first to knock on Camila’s door, and then to Shuttle’s one in April 2018 in the form of Andrew Watt who already knew everything about the charade. Watt (he also worked on Havana and 7 songs for Romance including Señorita) co-wrote the song in April 2018, shortly before contacting Shitto, along with Jack Patterson, Ali Tamposi (she also worked on Havana, Consequences, and 6 songs for Romance including Señorita), and Charli XCX. [The same Charli who did an interview on October 21, 2019, in which she gave the true version of the story without even remotely mentioning Scab: “This Latin Pop flare just wasn’t right for who I am because I am not a part of that culture, I’m not from there. Whereas Camila has that in her blood, so when we wrote the song we thought about her and sent it to her.”]

Now that they had found the perfect song, and with the addition of Benny Blanco and Cashmere Cat in the production, all they had to do was convince Camila and her team. Charli XCX and C were the opening acts for Taylor Swift’s Reputation Tour from May 8 to October 6, 2018, during which Charli tried to persuade her to do the song by explaining how perfect it was for her. And who knows, maybe even since then they started working on it together since Camila, as she used to do, rewrote almost completely the lyrics to make it more her own. Ask that also to ‘Care About Me’ who turned into ‘The Boy’.

On August 4, still during the Reputation Tour, Shampoo went to the concert date in Toronto, and Taylor posted an Insta-story in which she put make-up and glitter on Shank’s eyelids. Sweaty regretted giving Taylor permission to post the video because people have always thought he was gay for years, and on November 26, 2018, the RollingStone interview was released in which he admitted that he felt the need to be photographed and seen with a girl to prove he isn’t gay. This was a great leverage they used with Camila since she could understand and help a friend in need. The work of persuasion lasted for about 9/10 months, from January 27, 2018, to the end of November/beginning of December 2018. Indeed, on December 5, 2018, both posted a picture taken on the 4th in the backstage of KISS 108’s Jingle Ball 2018 in Boston. Thanks to those pictures and C’s comment, word of their possible future collaboration began to spread. The plan was by then in place.

P.S. remember what happens to Romeo and Juliet, don’t you? Yeah. They die. And like Romeo and Juliet, they’re gonna (metaphorically speaking, of course) die too. Be patient, my babies, be patient.

🎉the🎊end🍾

I want comments now, guys. Which of these competitors you can’t stand the most and why, I’m curious. Put this 🐙 for Tissue, this 🐽 for Matte, and this 🐔 for Shrunken accompanied by the motivation. Let’s have some fun. 🥂

🖕🏼 this is mine for all of them, by the way.

As always, thanks, Mari. 🥰 Bye guys, I love you. Always with love, F. ❤️

#submission #f anon #mattmila tyren showmila timeline #so funny #anon #ask #how many names on this post #thanks you too much faby

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feelingofcontent · 3 years

Text

DNP Rewatch: PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

Date video was published: 10/17/2009 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 49

0:02 - Phil’s locations are always on the floor, haha. This one will become pretty familiar though while he’s living at his parents’ house.

0:05 - messy room is unsurprising at this point

0:07 - “we’re gonna redecorate” - as far as I know this doesn’t happen while Phil is still living and making videos there

0:15 - lion hasn’t been missing from that many videos, but probably there were more it was missing from in early October that are deleted now

0:18 - also somehow unsurprising that Phil could lose something in his own room

0:22 - it’s Blue hair all over again

0:33 - Phil really has a thing about ghosts/haunted/paranormal stuff and that hasn’t stopped even today

0:36 - got to throw in the 2 frame horror movies scream insert!

0:41 - could it not just be...dust? lol 🤐

0:47 - briefly forgetting the word for torches, alrighty

0:59 - Phil used to do the speed-up voice thing a lot when he had quite a bit to say and wanted to keep the video short (I assume?)

1:05-1:11 - okay, let’s talk about this part because I have probably too many thoughts about it

First of all, I could have sworn I remembered this part being in a video he made after he had met Dan in person, but I was wrong. It’s in this last video before he meets Dan.

I think Phil is being really honest here, more than he sometimes is. You can tell he’s been thinking a lot about the future and worrying about it since finishing uni.

“and everything seems to be falling into place” - he’s drawn a (1) smiley face, (2) heart, and (3) dollar sign. So Phil seems to be happy at the moment, which is nice since he had seemed to be stressed about his life/future/job hunting. The heart is just...yeah. 🥺 The sweetest thing. And honestly, for (3) I’m just like why did he draw a dollar sign $ instead of the pound sign ₤? lol.

“In September, I had no idea where my life was going at all.” - September was less than a month ago at this point, so it seems like a few things changed pretty fast for Phil.

“and now I’m kind of...on the second tetris block” - I love this line so much. It explains his feelings in such a “Phil” way. (And shoutout to one of my favorite fics, the second tetris block by @alittledizzy that this line always makes me think of. Read it if you haven’t; it’s fantastic!)

I just really love this part of the video. Okay, moving on.

1:16 - even Phil knows he doesn’t blink much. I wonder how many early comments he got about that.

1:26 - annnnnd a 180 from the serious topic earlier. what is this. with a sparkle effect no less, lol.

1:34 - he tweeted about this spider thing, yikes (much earlier in the month, if he’s talking about the same time)

1:38 - THE CORDLESS HAMMER DRILL. get ready for this to continue to come up in videos for a while. seems less dangerous than the hand saw at least.

1:49 - awww, poor Phil and his dad not understanding his lack of interest/desire for tools

1:56 - I really hope he didn’t eat those.

2:04 - it’s the WALLE that will be coming back in PINOF 😊

2:05 - we haven’t had a “weird person” story in a while!

The lions clip at the end of this one is sweet, with lion and lioness being separated and then coming together (am I going to start reading way to much into these lion clips? yes, yes I am.)

This is another of my favorite 2009 Phil videos. It’s got a lot of “classic” Phil stuff like the weird person story, showing random items, a couple of animal noises/horror movie elements thrown in... But he’s also very honest and real in the middle, and I like that side of Phil.

#dan and phil #dnp #dnpRewatch #amazingphil #phil lester #amazingphil videos #PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

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chilling-seavey · 3 years

Text

Anything But Mine - The ‘Work Wife’

A/N Inspired by this tiktok; Florence meets Daniel’s ‘work wife’

Tuesday, December 15, 2026

Florence watched the elevator numbers tick up to 8 and then the doors slid open onto the floor. She was wrapped in her winter coat, legs clad in grey sweats and hair tied back in a haphazard ponytail and the stroller pushed in front of her. Two-year-old Lucy was asleep in the stroller, bundled up in her coat and hat and mitts and boots, already starting to miss her naptime. Florence was only hoping she wouldn’t wake up while at Daniel’s work because one look at her father and Lucy would never get back to sleep until he came home at the end of the day.

It had been a while since Florence had visited the studio and a new secretary sat behind the welcome desk. She was talking on the phone but hung up when she saw the guest approaching.

“Hi honey. What can I do for you?” she asked in a sickeningly sweet voice.

“Just here to drop off Daniel’s laptop.” Florence answered with a tired sigh and a half smile as she set the bag on top of the desk. “He forgot it this morning.”

“That sounds like him! Wait, are you Florence?” the secretary smiled widely, “Oh my God, I’m meeting the other woman.”

Florence’s eyebrows furrowed a moment in confusion.

The young lady continued, “I’m sure you’ve heard lots about me.”

“No, actually.” Florence spoke slowly, eyeing her up carefully.

“You haven’t? Wow, Daniel’s keeping us a secret. How scandalous!” the lady giggled youthfully, “I’m Alexa. I’m Daniel’s work wife!”

Florence’s eyebrow peaked and she shifted in place, “His what?”

“His work wife! Funny story how that came to be; it started because I just always got his coffee exactly how he likes it in the morning, right when he came in! I just understood him on, like, a spiritual level!”

Florence had to work hard to keep her facial expression flat, “He’s allergic to coffee.”

“Oh, haha, I wondered why he never drank it! He is just too nice to even correct me, I guess. Silly man.”

“Can you just tell him I’m here?” Florence asked impatiently, tapping her fingers on top of the desk, her right hand still held protectively around the handle of the stroller.

“Oh, I’m sorry, he’s in a session right now and asked not to be disturbed. I’ll tell him you came by and I’ll leave this on his desk for him.” Alexa took the laptop bag and slung it over her own shoulder. “He’s been working so hard. I was just thinking that Dan and I have been staying here for so many late hours together recently that I probably see him more than you do! You poor thing. We take good care of each other though.”

“Dan?” Florence nearly gagged.

“We have little nicknames for each other.” Alexa giggled.

“Right.” Florence scowled.

“Anyway, I’ll let you go. You look tired. Babies keeping you busy?”

Florence couldn’t even get out a response before Alexa was stepping out from behind the desk and was heading down the hallway.

“I bet. Nice meeting you, Florence! Be good to our husband. I’m watching!”

As expected, Daniel came home a bit later than usual that night. Lucy had already been put to bed and Penelope and Clementine were just eating their bedtime snack when he came home. The two girls came running at the sound of the door and Daniel crouched down to give them equal amounts of kisses over each little cheek. They were already in their pyjamas and Daniel scooped up Penelope into his arms on the way back into the living room.

Florence was on the couch when he came in, her face flat.

“Thanks for bringing my bag today. I would have come to get it but I was so busy.”

She turned slightly when he leaned down to kiss her so all he got was her cheek.

Daniel frowned and set Penelope down so she could join Clementine back at their table to finish their snack. He sat down beside his wife, “What’s going on?”

“Just wondering if you’d prefer to go home to your other wife.”

“My what?” Daniel was taken back.

“Your other wife. Alexa. And your probable other kids too.”

Daniel couldn’t get a rebuttal out before the girls were bounding back over to him.

“Daddy, can you tuck us in?” Clementine asked eagerly, grabbing the sleeve of his sweater.

“Of course.” he put on a smile for his daughters but was concerned about Florence’s statement and he thought about it the entire time he tucked his eldest two into bed and read them a story and kissed them good night.

Florence was still on the couch when he returned from the hallway and he sat back down beside her with a tired sigh. She ignored him.

“Wanna tell me why you think even the concept of another wife would graze my mind?” he asked quietly.

“How long as Alexa worked there?”

“Few months. Maybe five. Why? Did she say something to you today?”

“Yeah. She said a fucking lot.” Florence scoffed. Her arms stayed crossed over his chest and she stared at the ground coldly. “I’m not the other woman first of all. And I’m not going to stand there and be ridiculed by a college freshman about how you and her are fucking in love or some bullshit.”

“She really said that?” Daniel’s eyes went wide.

“Yeah. Called herself your ‘work wife’…that you two just ‘get each other’…that ‘Dan and I spend so many late nights together haha’. Fucking bitch.”

Daniel’s face literally contorted in disgust, “Ugh, I hate ‘Dan’.”

“I know. And why haven’t you told her you’re allergic to coffee? She’s going around flaunting that she knows your order like it fucking matters.”

“She’s…she just seemed nice and I felt badly.”

“Well don’t! She thinks a cup of coffee is the start of a goddamn affair. What have you been doing with her after hours?”

“She’s not even there half the time after hours.” Daniel answered easily, honestly. “So put any idea of that out of your mind right now.”

“You’re not our husband.” Florence grumbled, turning her head away from him. “How dare she even say that to me.”

“Hey. I know.” Daniel shuffled closer and set his hand on her cheek to pull her gaze towards him. “I’m only yours. I promise.”

Florence sniffled and nodded lightly. Daniel tilted her head up to kiss her lips, lingering there a moment just so she could feel it and when he pulled back, she let out a little sigh.

“I’m sorry she said that shit. I’ll talk to her. That’s not okay.” Daniel whispered, resting back against the couch beside her and Florence shuffled to curl into his side.

“She said I look tired.” Florence mumbled sadly, “Do I look tired? Am I letting motherhood steamroll me?”

“No way.” Daniel tisked, sliding his arm around her waist to hold her close, “You are steamrolling motherhood.”

Florence chuckled lightly.

“I’m serious.” Daniel pressed a kiss to her forehead and slid his hand down to her bum, “Always have been and always will be the sexiest woman in the room to me.”

“Even like this?” Florence sniffled, leaning back from his shoulder so he could get a good look at her; messy hair and few little breakouts over her cheeks and dark circles under her eyes.

Daniel smiled, giving her bum a little squeeze as his other hand reached up to caress her face, “Especially like this. There is no other woman in the entire world that I would ever give a second glance to and especially not Alexa. I am wholeheartedly yours.”

Florence leaned up to kiss his lips a few soft times before nuzzling into his neck. He smiled and wrapped his arms right around her.

“You had no clue she was flirting with you, did you?” Florence asked after a while.

“Mm, no, I really didn’t.” Daniel admitted.

“You’re so innocent, Daniel James.” Florence giggled.

“Am not.” Daniel tisked. “But, listen, I’m going to buy you a nice dress for my work Christmas party this Friday and you’re going to dress up just how you like to and you’ll feel like the most beautiful woman in the room and I won’t be leaving your side all night.”

“You don’t have to buy me a dress.” Florence laughed lightly.

“Yeah, I do. A nice tight one with a low cut…” his fingers trailed down her clothed body. “Gonna blow everyone away.”

And that’s exactly what happened. Daniel bought Florence a pretty red dress specifically for the party and a matching red tie of his own. They showed up to his work party in dress and suit down to their polished black shoes and perfectly done hair and you’d be surprised to think they even had three children. Walking into the venue Florence truly felt like a million bucks and the proud smile that was on her face was only proof to her husband that his idea worked.

They mingled around the various groups, sitting at their table with Jack and his fiancé for a little bit, and eventually finding Alexa by the bar.

“Wow, Florence, you clean up well.” the young woman spoke straightly.

“Thank you.” Florence answered politely, hand still tucked in Daniel’s arm as they waited for their drinks. She had been raised in this exact setting; formalwear and conniving strangers, so Florence worked it like an expert.

Daniel was proud of Florence’s politeness in front of the woman who tried to ruin them a little if not at all but when Daniel was called over to speak with his boss, Florence lingered back at the bar a moment. She eyed up Alexa’s tight short dress and messy curls and leaned in towards her with a calm smile, her two diamond rings on display around her glass in the direction of the young lady, “If you go anywhere near my husband in any way, shape, or form that is anything except professional, I will see to it that you’re fired faster than you can say ‘mine’. So back off.”

Florence returned to Daniel’s side, shooting a glare at the young woman over her shoulder as Daniel’s arm slid around her waist protectively. Like hell she was ever going to let someone get in the way of her perfect catch.

#anything but mine #daniel seavey #why dont we #daniel seavey imagines

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becauseleahflies · 3 years

Text

20 Questions Tag

Tagged by: @kpopfanfictrash thanks Shanna! :D

Tagging: @lamourche @m00nk1ld @gukslut @prolixitae @sugaurora @hobidreams and anyone else that wants to do it!

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise? just Leah. I have some specific nicknames amongst close friends but they’re more like inside jokes.

2. when is your birthday? April 3rd

3. where do you live? in the frozen tundra that is Minnesota though I’m hoping to move within the next few years bc I hate winter

4. three things you are doing right now? answering this tag, watching 90 Day Fiance, waiting for a meeting to start at work

5. four fandoms that have peaked your interest. I don’t really have the time in life to be involved in any more than just the BTS fandom, but in the past I have been part of the Supernatural fandom, Doctor Who, and Dan and Phil (I am embarrassed to say lol)

6. how has the pandemic been treating you? honestly? I am a hardcore introvert, so it hasn’t affected my day to day life all THAT much. It kind of gives me an excuse to just stay at home and not feel bad for not going out. However, I do love to travel and it has hindered that which sucks.

7. a song you can’t stop listening to right now? HWA by CL

8. recommend a movie. The Princess Bride

9. how old are you? 27

10. school, university, occupation, other? Software bb

11. do you prefer heat or cold? heat

12. name one fact others may not know about you. I’m going to officially be a published author at the end of this month! My debut novel launches Nov 30 :D (you can pre order at mybook.to/doctsland lol sorry for the plug I couldn’t resist)

13. are you shy? to a debilitating degree sometimes

14. preferred pronouns? she/her

15. biggest pet peeves? adults that are picky eaters to the degree of eating like a toddler and refuse to try anything new

16. what is your favorite “dere” type? I’m just gonna leave Shanna’s response here bc same: I honestly have no idea what this means lol

17. rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be. a hard 6. I could use some more money and right now it’s winter which makes me v sad. Other than that I’m p happy

18. what’s your main blog? this one right here!

19. list your side blogs and what they’re used for. I don’t have one!

20. is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? I am so good at blocking myself off from my own negative feelings that I can only tell when I’m really anxious or sad by my dog feeding off it. He can tell before I can lmao

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johnsbleu · 5 years

Text

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 55

warnings: none, just pure fluffy john. it’s also pretty long but i couldn’t bring myself to delete anything so oh well. enjoy! Hold My Hand masterlist

A cold rush of air comes through the door when John opens it causing you to cross your arms and shiver a little. You’re already shaking from the nerves, but now you’re freezing. You could easily run up to your room and get a sweater, but you don’t.

John looks so exhausted, and you want to place his head in your lap and play with his hair until he falls asleep. Maybe after everything is said and done, you’ll do just that. Avoiding eye contact with John, you sit on the couch and look out the window at the puffy gray clouds quickly moving in.

“Should start raining in about 15 minutes.” John says as he walks past you and sits on your left side, “It’s getting colder too.”

You laugh quietly, finally looking at John, “Talking about the weather, like we’re on some date or something.”

John chuckles and looks down at the goosebumps on your legs, “Cold?”

“I’m…fucking freezing.” you look at John and shrug, “Been really cold around here the past 24 hours.”

You see John take a deep breath, and he scoots a little closer to you until his leg is touching yours and the heat he always radiates soaks into your skin. The two of you look at each other for a moment, and you scoot even closer to him as he reaches for your hand.

The way John is looking at you is melting your insides, and you can tell he’s so tired and he’s done with arguing. The look of anger that was on his face the day before is completely gone, and it’s now replaced with sincere eyes. Sincere, but tired.

“Before anything else, I just want to say thank you for being so nice to me this morning. I didn’t deserve it, but you were so sweet to me and you showed me how much you loved me even though I was being a pain in the ass…and also being a huge dick.”

John chuckles softly and shakes his head, “You were not a dick, or a pain in the ass. You were upset, I understand that.”

“I was both of those things, John. You can admit it, it’s okay.” you say, leaning a little closer to him as the two of you laugh quietly. “You really were so sweet to me this morning, meant a lot to me.”

“Of course.” he says, pulling you closer to him when he sees you tearing up, “At the end of the day, I still love you more than anything.”

“And I felt that. This morning, and honestly, right now. I feel it.” you close your eyes when John cups your face, and you lean a little closer to him, “Can I kiss you?”

John laughs quietly and you open your eyes to see him smiling, “Absolutely.”

Pressing your lips to John’s, you move a little closer to him, then you bury your face in the crook of his neck as you hug him tight. You wrap your right leg around his waist and scoot closer to him so he can hug you for a moment.

“I’ll always love you, peach.” he whispers, and you sit back to look at him. He wipes away the tear on your cheek and laughs, “Sorry, that came out wrong.”

“Sounds like you’re breaking up with me.” you swallow hard and start to scoot away from John when he grabs your arms to stop you.

“I’m not.” he chuckles, then cups your face so you look up at him, “Hey, I’m not.”

You sigh loudly and move away from John a little, “My mind is just…all over, and my feelings are just a mess. I’m sorry.”

“No, let me start.” John says, shaking his head, “I want to apologize for how I talked to you last night, how I reacted, and for not coming home. I know how much that hurt your feelings, and trust me, it hurt mine too. Knowing that I hurt you kills me. Those voice mails you left me…I’m sorry I made you that upset. It hurt so much to hear you cry like that.”

You look up at John and he quickly wipes away the tear on your cheek. “I’m so sorry for how I talked to you this morning. You know me so well and you know that’s not like me, but I was upset and I showed you a side of myself that I’m not proud of.”

“I did too though.” he nods and squeezes your hand, “I’m sorry for how I even reacted in the first place. I’m sorry for saying this isn’t your house. As soon as I said it, I immediately regretted it. I said it in the heat of the moment just to upset you, and I’m so sorry for that. You know I don’t feel that way, and I’ve tried like hell to make sure you don’t feel that way.”

“Thank you.” you give John a small smile, and he leans over to kiss your cheek. “I know this is my home and I know you feel that way as well, so having you…kind of throwing it in my face pissed me off because, I mean, I know you, and that’s not how you feel.”

John shakes his head and sighs, “Not at all. This is your home. This will always be your home. To be honest, I don’t even remember what it was like before you moved in here.”

You take several breaths and swallow to try and rid the lump in your throat, “I want you to tell me all of your feelings, I’m here to listen to you. I realize I did something shitty to you, and I didn’t consider your feelings, but it wasn’t because I wanted to hurt you.”

John nods and looks away from you. He clasps his hands together and you notice how badly they’re shaking, so you scoot a little closer to him, hoping it’ll make him feel a little more comfortable.

John has a hard time talking about his feelings, which is understandable. You’ve never been anything but open and honest with John, and you encourage him as much as possible to talk about his feelings.

He leans back against the couch and sighs, “You can understand why I was upset, right? I’m honestly asking. I wasn’t out of line, was I?”

“Not at all. I completely understand why you were mad and where you were coming from. I get it.” you nod, taking a deep breath, “But now I want you to tell me how you felt, and how you feel.”

“I was really upset that you took that test without me.” he says, holding your gaze, “Not because it’s some possessive thing or me thinking I own you. I don’t think that, you know that.”

“I know.”

“This is something that could change our lives, but you left me out of it. You were going to leave me out of it.” he looks over at you and frowns, “I wanted to be there for this moment. I thought you trusted me, and I thought you’d do want me to be there too. I guess I just felt like you didn’t think it was important enough to tell me, or maybe…you didn’t care enough to tell me.”

“John,” you frown as you begin to tear up again, “You know I care about you, you know I do.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me? Why did you feel like you couldn’t tell me?” he asks, and you open your mouth to reply but he continues talking, “What did I do to make you feel like you couldn’t tell me?”

John watches you closely as you reach over to grab a tissue, and he takes it from you to wipe away the makeup that’s smearing on your face. He cups your face in his hands and presses a kiss to your cheek.

“I’m not here to make you cry or fight with you.” he say quietly, then leans forward to kiss you, “I’m here to talk this out, I want to work past this. I don’t want to fight with you. I know we can work past this.”

“Me, too.” you take a deep breath and hold hands with John, “It wasn’t because I felt like it’s my body and I can do what I want, or because I didn’t care enough about you to tell you. I didn’t know how I felt about it, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I just didn’t know what to do, and the one person who helps me figure it all out, I…”

“You were scared to tell me.” he says, nodding his head.

“I was trying to figure out how I felt about it, and I was going to tell you eventually. I really was. I know I said I probably wasn’t going to, but let’s be honest, there’s not much I can hide from you.”

“Baby, there is nothing in this world that you should ever be afraid to tell me, or feel that you have to hide from me. I have told you so many things about myself that would scare a lot of people away, but you’re still here and you love me so fucking much.” he cups your face, giving you a small smile, “There is nothing, absolutely nothing you can’t tell me.”

“I know. I just know…as soon as I say that I want kids, you’re going to quit your job, and you’re gonna stop working and you’ll end up resenting me because I ruined your life and your career.” you say, almost out of breath.

John stares at you for a moment, then starts to laugh in disbelief, “Are…are you serious?”

You watch him as he laughs and you grab the pillow next to you, hugging it tight to your chest as you grow embarrassed. “Well, I mean, not if you’re laughing at me like that.”

“I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing at how unbelievable this is.” he says and shakes his head, “For all of these months, you have avoided this conversation with me because of that?”

“Well, kinda.” you say quietly, “That and…you know, my dad.”

“Okay,” John nods, “That I understand. But…me quitting my job, baby, if I want to quit my job because we want kids, that’s up to me.”

“I know, I know. It’s just your job is who you are.”

John shakes his head, scooting closer, “Not anymore, and it hasn’t been for a long time.”

“Okay, well, that was really sweet.”

“And your dad…” John takes a deep breath and laughs, “Fuck him. Sorry, but fuck him. I’m not him, you know that. I would never do what he did. I love you so incredibly much, it’s…scary.”

“The feeling is mutual.” you laugh.

John scoots closer to you and tucks your hair behind your ear to see your face, “I get why you’re reluctant, I completely understand that. You’ve never had someone show you that they’re going to stick around, but look at Dan. He loves your mom, you, and Tess so much. Look at Aurelio, he loves his wife and he loves the hell out of his kids. Look at Jimmy, he’s crazy about Tess, and he couldn’t be more excited to be a dad.”

“Look at you?”

John smiles, “Yeah, look at me. I can promise you that I will never leave you. You’re it for me, you’re my second chance to get this right. God, I want to get it right with you more than anything.”

You play with the sleeve of your sweater and look over your shoulder as the rain begins to pour outside; John was right. The lightening strikes and several seconds later, the thunder rumbles, shaking the house.

John’s hands are on your face and he turns you to look at him, “What are you thinking?”

You open your mouth to talk, then close it when you realize you don’t know what you’re thinking. Right now you just want John to forgive you for taking the test without him, but you know he’s dying to have the baby conversation.

“I’m just thinking that I hope you can forgive me.” you let out a shaky sigh and look at John as he wipes away the tears on your cheek.

“Why are you crying again, baby?” he asks, pulling you into his arms, “Don’t cry anymore.”

“I did something really shitty to you.” you sniffle and hide your face in your hands.

John pulls you onto his lap and brushes your hair away from your face. You can already feel your eyes are red and puffy from crying last night, and crying now is only making it worse. John holds you in his arms, letting you cry it out for a few minutes and he slowly rocks you back and forth.

You snuggle closer to John and tuck your head underneath his chin, and you open your eyes to watch the rain falling hard as the sky flashes with lightning every so often.

“Ooh, that was a good one.” he says as he watches lightning crawl across the sky, “Remember our first date? How we tried to go for a walk and it started raining?”

John always works so hard to cheer you up when you’re sad, and knowing that he’s part of the reason you’re sad is only making him work ten times harder.

You let out a laugh, clinging to the collar of his shirt, “We practically had to run back to the car.”

John looks at you and smiles, “I remember wanting to kiss you, but I needed to be a gentleman.”

“If I had it my way, you would have taken me into my room.”

“Could have just told me to and I probably would have.” he laughs, and his gaze falls to your lips, “I should have kissed you. I wanted to kiss you. All night I just kept thinking ‘damn, I can’t wait to kiss her’, but I never did that night.”

“Why didn’t you?”

John lets out a small laugh and his cheeks turn pink, “You made me nervous!”

You bury your face in the crook of John’s neck as you laugh, “Everyone is nervous for their first kiss.”

“Yeah, but not everyone gets to kiss you!” he says, and you tilt your head back as you laugh loudly.

“Well, I could say the same about you.” you cup his face and rub your thumb against his beard, “You’re gorgeous. I remember looking at you across the table, and I was fairly certain that someone had set me up on some prank show. I was like…convinced you were just playing a joke on me for a minute and you were going to point at a hidden camera and tell me to smile.”

John shakes his head again and laughs, “Never.”

“When you grabbed my hand in the car on the way home,” you put your hand over your heart and smile, “I’ll never forget the way that made me feel. I felt…I don’t know, whole. It felt right. I felt like…for years now, I had this piece of me that was missing. Until I met you, until that night. Until you held my hand.”

John smiles wide, and you cover your face in embarrassment as tears fill your tears. “That was sweet. I felt that way too.” he moves your hands from your face and wipes away the tears as he laughs, “How about when I accidentally touched your boob on the way home on our second date?”

You and John both start to laugh, and you scoot off his lap a little to sit on the couch. You and John have strayed off topic, but despite everything that happened last night, the two of you just want to laugh with one another. You missed laughing with John, and the fact that he’s bringing up past memories of the two of you is making you melt. You know the conversation will end up back where it needs to be, but right now you’re just enjoying this moment with him.

“I didn’t mind that honestly.” you admit, and you watch as John starts to massage your feet, “I remember how red your face got when that guy honked at us. I was so nervous because I thought you were finally going to kiss me.”

“I was going to, but that damn truck!” he laughs and looks at you closely. “Do you remember where we had our first kiss?”

“In the kitchen. Right before that, you were showing me the books in the basement, then you got a call about a job.” you say, and John smiles. “I should have been a little more cautious about a guy taking me into his basement on our second date now that I think about it.”

John laughs, “It didn’t even cross my mind that you wouldn’t feel safe. I knew right away when I met you that I just always wanted to protect you.”

“And you have.” you lean up to kiss John and pat his cheek, “I remember you asked me to watch Bleu for you, and when I realized I wasn’t going to see you for a few days, I got really sad.”

“You did get sad.” he laughs.

“You walked right over to me and said you’d be back before I knew it, then you kissed me.” you say, smiling wide, “It was the perfect first kiss too. It wasn’t too much, it wasn’t just a quick peck. It was just enough. It’s so weird, that was only our second date, but I already felt so comfortable with you, I felt like I had known you forever.”

“Only our second date, but I think that’s when I knew I had it bad for you. I almost didn’t take that job because of you, but…”

“It was good money?” you laugh.

“It was good money.” he nods and lets out a small laugh. “Wasn’t great, but it was good.”

You look at John and cock up your brow, “What is ‘great money’ to you?”

“I don’t know.” John shrugs as he rubs your legs.

“Twenty thousand?” you ask, and John shakes his head. “More? Okay, uh, hundred thousand?”

John tilts his head from side to side, then looks at you, “I think that job in particular was about…three hundred.”

“Three hundred thousand dollars?!” you exclaim, flopping back on the couch, “Jesus. And you don’t even consider that great money?”

“I’ve had better.” he laughs, “But I thought it was worth it.”

You sit back up and lean your head on John’s shoulder. You both watch the rain fall outside, and John sits up as he rotates his right shoulder and winces. He’s clearly slept on it wrong, probably from staying at Jimmy’s.

“Heard you stayed with Jimmy and Tess last night.”

“Yeah,” he nods and watches as you play with his fingers, “We both were upset, and I wanted to give you some space. I needed space.”

“I get that, and I know I said I needed space earlier, but…please come home next time. I worried about you all night. I don’t care how bad a fight is, please come home.” you say, tearing up again. “I’ll sleep on the floor downstairs if that’s what it comes to. I just need you to come home so I know you’re okay.”

“I will, I promise I won’t do it again. Jimmy’s couch is very uncomfortable.” he says, hoping to make you laugh. “I didn’t get any sleep anyway. I mean, no sleep. None at all.”

“I can tell.” you shake your head and sigh, “I’m sorry, that’s my fault. I should have just told you when I took the test.”

“How long had you known?”

“I thought something was up the other day when I had that massive headache and was feeling pretty sick.” you frown, looking away from John, “I had been working so much lately that I hadn’t even noticed that my period was late, and then when I was getting ready to shower the other day, I noticed my box of tampons in the closet.”

“I thought you were still taking birth control?”

You nod slowly and look at John, grimacing, “I might have missed a few days.”

John cocks up an eyebrow and smiles, “A few days?”

“Okay, I missed a whole month. It’s my fault! I completely just…forgot. I’ve been taking a pill every day for…years, but I think with Benji and Harper being here, and then with the wedding, I just forgot.” you put your hands over your face and sigh, “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” he whispers and pulls your hands away from your face, “Did you feel like you couldn’t tell me, like I would be upset with you?”

“Well, you were.” you point out.

John shakes his head and sighs, “I mean, why didn’t you even tell me in the first place? All because of the job thing?”

“Well, that and because we haven’t really had a better discussion about kids, and I just thought there was no reason to tell you if I wasn’t pregnant.” you say and shake your head, “Listening to myself say it now, I realize how stupid it sounds. It should have been something we did together. I just wasn’t thinking. I wish it made more sense, but I was just being stupid.”

“You’re obviously not pregnant since you didn’t tell me.” he says and pulls closer to him.

“I’m not.” you say quietly, trying to hide a frown. You look up and see a frown on John’s face as he nods his head. “I’m sorry. For everything, really. For not telling you, for lying to you.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

You lean your head against John’s shoulder and sigh, “Can you forgive me?”

“Can you forgive me?”

You sit up and look at John, “Absolutely, but this wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong here. It was me. This was all me.”

“No,” John shakes his head and pulls you closer to him, “I didn’t give you the chance to talk to me, I left. I just left and didn’t come home. I made it worse.”

“Did Tess tell you that?”

“Oh, like six times.” A smile is tugging at John’s lips and he nods, “I forgive you, but I need you to also forgive yourself.”

You shrug, “I don’t know if I can do that. Not yet at least.”

John pulls your legs over his lap again and he wraps his arms around your waist, “You can. Look, we’re new at this whole thing, me especially. I don’t talk about my feelings, and Helen and I certainly didn’t--”

“Have fights?”

“Oh, no, we had fights.” he says, laughing, “Plenty. But I always…shut down. With you though, you make me talk these things out, and I want to talk them out because it’s better to get it out than to bottle it all up. You taught me that. You also taught me that no matter what I say and no matter what I tell you, you’re still going to be here.”

You smile at John and laugh as you wipe away the tear on your cheek, “I love you. I want to move past this. I just don’t want it to feel like we forgave each other too quickly. This was a…big fight.”

“It was a doozy.”

“Who says ‘doozy’ anymore?” you scrunch up your face and laugh, “I forget how old you are.”

John playfully rolls his eyes, then he leans over to kiss you quickly, and you watch as he sucks on his bottom lip when he sits back up. He takes a deep breath and sighs, “I was going out of my mind not being able to talk to you. I knew we would talk, and I knew I’d forgive you. Because I love you. That’s what you do when you love someone, you forgive them. You talk it out, you work past it, and you forgive them.”

“Yeah.”

“We’re strong, and we can get past this.” he says, and you look up at him. “I know we can. Because our relationship, it’s rock solid. You and I have nothing but love and respect for one another. Yeah, we’re going to fight and we’re going to get mad at each other, but I know at the end of the day, you are the one for me. I know that you’ll work just as hard as I will for this relationship.”

You stare at John in awe, slowly shaking your head, “You’re so wise.”

“Yeah,” he nods as he leans closer to you, “It’s because I’m old.”

John buries his face in the crook of your neck, rubbing his beard against your skin as you laugh loudly and squirm away from him.

You sigh and look down at your hands in John’s, “I was so worried I fucked everything up. I thought…this was it, this was going to be what ended you and I. I thought you were going to tell me to move out.”

John chuckles, “And here I thought you were moving out.”

“I’m still here. I’m always going to be here.”

“We’re still here.” he cups your face and smiles, “Because we’re strong. This relationship will never fail, and that’s all because of us. Because we want this. We want it to work. And besides, I’d say we’re even now.”

“How are we even?”

“I lied about who I was for quite awhile. I hid a lot from you.” he says, and he looks down at his hands, “I kept a pretty big secret from you, too.”

You reach for John’s hand and squeeze it, “That is no way comparable to this, John. I hid something that was going to change our lives, something that you should have been a part of, and now that I’m saying it, yes, you have a point. So never mind.”

John lets out a small laugh and looks up at you, “We’re even. Okay, baby? We’re even.”

John moves you so you’re straddling his waist, and he grips your hips tight in his hands as you ease down on his lap. You press your lips to his several times, savoring the taste, then you lay your head on his chest to watch the rain. A loud crack of thunder startles the both of you, and the lights flicker a few times, then the room goes dark.

“Why?” you laugh, “Why does this always happen?”

John moves you to the couch and heads into the kitchen, “Every time the power goes out here, it never comes back on until hours later. It’s nearly 7, which means the power won’t come back on until the middle of the night -- if we’re lucky.”

John grabs a flashlight from the drawer and waves it around the ceiling, making sure it works. Walking into the kitchen, you spot the flowers from Matt on the counter. John has put them in a vase, and you cringe a little when you turn around to look at him.

He looks at the flowers and then back to you, “I put those in a vase for you when you were changing. Tess buy those for you?”

You take a big breath and laugh a little as you take the flowers out of the vase and throw them in trash, “No, actually. They're not mine, they were for Tess.”

John furrows his brow and starts to laugh, “Why are you throwing them away?”

“They were from…” you take another deep breath and laugh, “Matt. He showed up at the cafe after you left.”

“Wait, wait, wait, what?” he says and shines the flashlight in your face to look at you. “He showed up there? Was he following you?”

“I don’t know, I think he works over there.” you put your hand up to block the light and shake your head, “Jonathan.”

“Oh,” John puts the flashlight down and walks closer to you, “Sorry.”

“He said he saw Tess sitting by herself and he…bought her flowers. I don't know, it was weird.” you shake your head as you light several candles, giving the room a soft glow.

John stops on the other side of the island and puts his hands on the counter, looking at the floor before looking back to you. “So he just gave Tess flowers?”

“Yeah, he just apologized for how he acted at the wedding.” you shrug then laugh, “Actually we kind of went off on him.”

“You did?”

“Yeah!” you nod and laugh loudly, “Tess told him that what he did was shitty and that flowers wouldn’t fix it. He said something about how he was sorry, and she basically said he was only sorry that he was caught.”

John nods his head and sighs, “That’s the only reason he was sorry. What did you say to him?”

“Told him that I only went out with him to get a reaction from you. Told me that I never liked him, and I actually threatened to call you.” you say, letting out a loud laugh, and John closes his eyes, almost like he's listening to his favorite song.

“I am so proud of you.” he says, moving closer to you, “So fucking proud of you. I wish you would have called me though. I hate the thought of him being around you again. I worry about you a lot, peach.”

You put your fists up and laugh, “I woulda punched him if he did anything.”

“Calm down, Rocky Balboa.” he laughs and pulls you back into his arms. “What did he do after you said that?”

“Shit his pants. No, I’m kidding. I just reminded him of what you said you’d do to him and he ran away with his tail between his legs. Oh, and I told him to fuck off!” you say, smiling so big your cheeks hurt.

“Why did you leave today? You were so dressed up. I didn’t want to ask and be invasive.”

“It wouldn’t have been invasive. I’m your girlfriend, it’s understandable to wonder where I’m going.” you say, patting John’s cheek, “Anyway, it was uh, another potential buyer, but Bernard turned her down. I don't think he likes anyone who has offered to buy the shop.”

“What's going to happen if no one buys it?” he asks, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“I'm out of a job, because he'll end up just closing it for good.” you say, moving out of John's arms and grabbing the candles, then heading back to the living room, “He wants to sell, he’d rather sell it to someone who would enjoy it. He said worst case scenario, he’ll close it.”

“Well, what are you going to do if it closes?” he follows behind you and grabs the candles so you don’t drop them.

You plop down on the couch and sigh, “I’ve actually been looking at some jobs in the city and in Oyster Bay. I figured Oyster Bay is closer, but if I have to go to the city for work every day…”

“We’d have to get you a car.”

You sigh, “Yeah.”

“Is that a yes?” he asks, sitting next to you on the couch, “Can I buy you a car?”

“What? No!” you get up and grab a bag of clothes you bought earlier. “I bought some new clothes. Hopefully we’ll be able to see them in here. It’s so dark. Hey, did you not go into the city after all?”

“No, after I saw you, I just went home and waited for you. Went out to get the mail and then you showed up, oh, and by the way…that woman…”

“I know you weren't interested in her.” you say and look at John, “I trust you, I know you’d never do something like that to me.”

“I was so shocked when you kissed me like that.” he says, brushing your hair out of your face, “I liked it.”

“I had to let her know you were taken.” you laugh as you shuffle through your bag. “I can’t see anything in here.”

John pulls out his phone and turns on his flashlight to see what you have in your hands, “A swimsuit?”

“Well, we do have a pool.”

“I know, it’s been filled for two weeks and we still haven’t even been in it. What else did you get? Try everything on.”

You laugh, “How about a full fashion show when the power comes back on? Oh, I did get a few things for you!”

“You did?” he asks, watching as you get up and grab the other bag from the floor.

“Yeah, I guess I never realized how into retail therapy I am.” you laugh as you shuffle through the bag and sit down next to John. You pull out a box with some shoes and John starts to laugh. “Don’t even say anything. I spent so much money today, it was ridiculous. I already regret it, but Tess can be very persuasive, especially when she’s telling you how good you look in everything.”

“Retail therapy.” John laughs and kisses your cheek, “You’re so cute.”

“Okay, so, I got you some socks…” you pull them out and hand them to John, “And I got you some new undershirts.”

“Yes, I could always use new shirts since you always steal mine, you little thief.” he laughs, tickling your side. “Also, don’t think I haven’t noticed you stealing my socks too.”

“Sorry! Your socks are always so soft and nice.” you pull a shirt out of the bag and hold it on your lap, “I saw this really nice dress shirt and I didn’t know if you’d like it, but I bought it anyway. It’s just black, but it has tiny gray stripes on it. I thought it would look good on you.”

John looks incredibly grateful, and you feel yourself blushing when you see how he’s looking at you. He looks down at the shirt and nods, “I really like this shirt.”

“Do you? You’re not just saying that?” you hold his phone up to it so he can get a better look, “There, now you can see it better.”

“No, I really like it. We might have to go out to dinner tomorrow night so I can wear it.” he smiles at you, then leans over to kiss you, “That was very nice of you. To buy me this stuff, that was sweet.”

You shrug and look away from John, “Just wanted to do something nice for you.”

John holds up the socks and laughs, “A peace offering?”

“Maybe.” you say, laughing and shrugging, “I felt really bad and I don’t know, I just wanted to find a way to show you that I was still thinking about you all day, even though I was still a little mad at you.”

“I was thinking about you all day.” he says with his lips pressed to your ear, and you close your eyes. “I was worried you weren’t going to come home. I know how you felt last night, you probably felt worse though, because I didn’t come home.”

You wrap one arm around John’s neck and cup his face, “It’s in the past now.”

“Right.” he nods and hugs you tight. He lets go of you, then walks over to the stairs, “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” you watch John as he heads up the stairs, and you hear Bleu whimpering loudly in the distance. “Baby?”

“Yeah?”

“No, not you.” you laugh, “I meant Bleu-boy. He’s whimpering, but I don’t know where he is. I can hear him though.”

“It’s the storm.” John yells from your bedroom, then he peeks his head out, “He’s probably in the office.”

Heading over to the front door, you take your tennis shoes out of the closet and set them near the basement door. The wind is starting to pick up more and you don’t want to be barefoot if you have to run downstairs in an emergency. New York isn’t known to have many tornadoes, but the wind can get a little crazy at times, especially living on a lake.

“Did you find him?”

“No, I just wanted to put my shoes near the basement just in case, so I haven’t checked for him yet.” you say and chuckle when John gives you a quizzical look, “Maybe it’s a Midwest thing. You know, tornadoes and stuff. Okay, let’s just go find him.”

You and John walk into the office and find Bleu hidden underneath the desk, whimpering loudly. He’s shaking uncontrollably, and you immediately crawl under the desk and snuggle close to him.

“He’s never been this bad before.” you frown, pressing kisses to Bleu and rubbing his ears. “Hi, baby. It’s okay, we’re here. We’re gonna protect you.”

John kneels down and pats Bleu on the head, “It’s okay, boy.”

“What do we do? He’s terrified.”

John snaps his fingers and quickly gets up, leaving the office. He comes back a few moments later with a sweater and the two of you put it on Bleu.

“There.” John laughs, “It helps with storms, I guess. Jimmy bought it for me last year. Well, not for me, for Bleu. He saw it on an Infomercial.”

Bleu has stopped shaking so much, and when you get up from the floor, he follows behind you and John. He’s been clinging to your side for a few days now and you can tell John is getting a little jealous.

“I think Bleu is mad at me.” John says, and you laugh as the two of you sit on the couch. Bleu jumps in between you and sticks his butt in John’s face as he lays in your lap. “See?”

“There, there.” you laugh loudly and pat John’s shoulder. You look down at Bleu and tap his nose, “You need to be nice to your daddy.”

Bleu groans and whimpers a little as he gets off the couch and heads for the basement door. He sits patiently in front of it, waiting for John to open it for him.

“Downstairs?” John asks, getting off the couch and walking over to Bleu, “Okay.”

You finally notice a large gift bag on the table, and you lean over to take a peek inside of it. You’re assuming it’s for you since it wasn’t there until a few minutes ago.

“Jonathan,” you say as he turns around and walks over to you, “What did you buy me?”

He holds up the bag and hands it to you, “Open it.”

You take the bag from John and you’re surprised by how heavy it is. “What did you put in here? Bricks?”

He plops down next to you on the couch and smiles, “Just open it, mouse.”

You laugh as you remove the tissue paper and pull out a bag of bath bombs, “Oh, my god, I just said I needed more of these.”

“Smell them, they smell really good.” he says, and you both smell the bag.

You put your hand back in the bag and pull out a rolled up blanket, “Oh, my god, this is so soft.”

“It’s that cashmere blanket you were looking at the other day.” he smiles and unrolls it, “I knew you’d never buy it for yourself.”

You rub the fabric against John’s cheek and smile, “I love it.”

You stick your hand in the bag again and pull out a large bottle of your favorite perfume. It costs way too much, and you always tell John how you try to use it sparingly since you hate spending the money on it. John smiles wide and kisses your cheek when you look at him.

“Are you trying to tell me something?”

John furrows his brow and looks genuinely confused, “What?”

“Bath bombs and perfume. Do I stink?” you lift up your arm and smell yourself, “I think I smell pretty good.”

“No, I just know you like this stuff.” John says, then he laughs loudly. “You don’t stink.”

You start to move the bag when you realize there’s still more in it. “More?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Really?” you pull out a large candle and look at John, “A candle? Are you sure I don’t smell?”

“No!” John laughs loudly again and shakes his head, “You don’t!”

“Okay,” you squint your eyes and open the candle to smell it, “I believe you. Mmm, this smells good. What is this?” you look at the candle and nod, “Vanilla and rose. I knew I smelled vanilla.”

“So, you like everything?” John takes the candle from you and lights it, then sets in the middle of the candles on the coffee table.

“Yes, I love it all.” you hold up the bag of bath bombs and smile at John, “We’ll have to use these tonight. And my candle too, since, well, we have no power.”

The storm is still pretty bad outside and you walk over to the window to get a closer look at it. John’s arms are warm and comforting as he wraps them around your waist, and you lean back against his chest.

The rain is pelting on the window, and John starts to laugh, “I dare you to go out there.”

“You just want me to go out there because I’m wearing a white shirt and no bra.”

John gasps and looks at you, “You’re not wearing a bra?!”

You playfully slap his shoulder and walk back over to the couch to sit down. John can tell there’s still something bothering, and he kneels down in front of you, reaching for your hands. Before he can ask what’s on your mind, you shake your head and stop him.

“Yesterday before Tess and Jimmy got here, when we were upstairs talking about you taking that job…”

John slowly nods, “Yeah.”

“I asked you if everything you went through was worth it, to be here. And…” you exhale, trying to find your words, “Then I asked if I was worth it.”

“And I said you were.”

You shrug sheepishly and wait to see if John is picking up what you’re trying to say. John furrows his brow a little, teetering from kneeling in front of you for so long, so he moves to sit next to you on the couch.

“Am I…still worth it?”

A smile slowly spreads across John’s face, and he scoops you into his arms to hug you tight, “You will always be worth it to me.”

“Okay, I didn’t want you to, like…change your mind or something.” you rub the back of your hand against his cheek and he closes his eyes.

John kisses your forehead and smiles, “I’ll never change my mind.”

“Can I ask you a personal question?” you look up at John and he nods. “Why did you and Helen not have kids?”

John lets out a small laugh and shakes his head, “We didn’t have kids because we just weren’t interested in having kids, that’s just not what we wanted.”

“I’ll be honest, that kinda scares the shit out of me.” you whisper, “That you didn’t want kids with Helen. Makes me wonder…”

“It doesn’t apply to me anymore, I think you know that.” he laughs, “Helen and I just…we were different from you and I, and it’s just not that we wanted out of our lives.”

“Why not?” you ask, closing your eyes when you feel his hand moving up and down your back. “I’m sorry I keep asking, I just need to know.”

“We kinda had everything we wanted, and we just didn’t want anything else. Plus we’re, uh, older than you.” he says, then he takes a deep breath, “I knew she was sick not long after I had met her, and she would have been too weak to get pregnant anyway.”

“That makes sense.” you say and lean your forehead against John’s, “I’m really sorry that you had to go through that. It must have been incredibly lonely after she passed.”

“It was okay.” He grabs the blanket from the floor, then wraps it around your shoulders and pulls you into his side. “I had Bleu.”

You shake your head, “You were lonely. It’s okay to admit that, baby.”

John sighs deeply and shrugs, “Of course I was.”

“Well, now you have Bleu and me. You’ll never be alone again.” you say, and he cups your face, squishing your cheeks in his hands and laughing.

You know it’s time to finally have the baby talk again, and it’s time to finally come to a definitive decision. No more ‘if it happens, it happens’, it’s time to be honest. You’re letting your insecurities ruin something that could be incredibly special for you and John.

John wants to be a dad, you know that, and you know he’ll be the best father to your child. But a part of you is still nervous for what his answer is going to be. You take a deep breath, holding John’s gaze and he smiles.

“I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to be honest with me. Completely honest with me.” you say and run your fingers through John’s hair. “Don’t just give me the answer you think I want to hear.”

“Okay.” he nods.

“Do you…” you cover your face with your hands and John reaches up to move them away. You exhale again and try to compose yourself. “Do you want to have a baby…with me?”

“Do you want to have a baby with me?” he asks, still holding your hands.

“Jonathan, that’s not fair. I’m asking you.”

John looks down at your hands, and you can see a little smile spreading on his face. He opens his mouth to talk, but doesn’t say anything, so you cup his face in your hands and make him look at you.

John looks at you nervously and nods his head slowly, “Yeah, I want to have a baby with you.”

Tears are slowly rolling down your cheeks and you lean your forehead against John’s as you both start to laugh.

“I always knew I wanted a baby with you, ever since I met you. There’s just something about you. I just looked at you and saw my wife and the mother of my kids, is that weird?” he ask, leaning back to look at you. “It’s a little weird, huh? I’ve never said these kind of things to someone before.”

“No! No, not at all.” you sniffle and grab a tissue from the coffee table to wipe away your tears, and you grab a few extra because you know John will need them in a moment. You take a deep breath, putting a lull in conversation unintentionally, and John starts to smile when your eyes meet. “It’s not weird, it’s sweet. Because when I look at you, I see the most incredible man I have ever met. I see my husband -- my future. When I look at you…I see the father of my child. John, I so badly want to have a baby with you.”

The color drains from John’s face and he widens his eyes, “You do?”

“I do,” you nod as tears fill your eyes, “I want to have a baby with you. I feel like I need to keep saying it. I want to keep saying it. Jonathan Wick, I want to have a baby with you!”

John laughs loudly, and you wipe away a tear that’s slowly falling down his cheek. He pulls you on to his lap to straddle him, and he wraps his arms around you, holding you tight to his chest as the two of you start to cry.

“Are you happy?” you ask, hugging John tight.

John pulls back to look at you and nods his head, “More than you’ll ever know.”

His eyes land on your lips and he leans closer to kiss you, and you start laughing as John peppers your chest and neck with kisses.

“I can’t believe this.” he whispers, leaning his forehead against yours, “This is one of the best nights of my life.”

“Just wait until the night I tell you that we’re having a baby.”

“Well,” John holds you tight to his chest as he lays you on the couch, “Let’s make a baby then.”

Taglist: @sgt-morgan @shominoods @raveviolet @deviljoonie @cheekybluefox @ibelielveinmusic @avxgers @beyond-antares @hhighkey @lokismortallove @vladtoly @sanctuarygirl @daily-evanstan @chicksamwitch @star017 @wild-andfluorescent @whatcolourisanorange @lainalainalain

#john wick x reader #john wick x you #john wick imagine #fic: hold my hand #pls be kind im so sad today fdsjkfls

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let-the-bands-take-c0ntrol · 4 years

Note

26 with Luke? Or 15 with Tom??? Maybe 43 with Calum???

Oh this is gonna be a long reply!

Luke. #26: “Fancy meeting you here”

The minute you caught Luke’s eye you wanted to crawl in a cave and hide. This wasn’t a place for either of you to be in, yet there he was right at the entrance barely wearing anything. Your head ducked down and a swear left your lips as you tried to hide behind the guy you were talking to. It had been too late, Luke had spotted you the minute he walked through the door.

“Fancy meeting you here.” There was no mistaking his voice, raspy and smooth as honey all at the same time. The sound of it sent a throbbing feeling between your legs and you let out a deep quiet sigh before turning to face him.

“Hi. . .what’re you doing here?” you questioned, trying your best to cover yourself up.

“I could ask you the same,” Luke chuckled, teeth sinking into his bottom lip. You could tell he was trying his hardest to not look at your cleavage. The tension between you two starting to rise. “I uh-I don’t usually go to things like this, but I’m glad I ran into you,” he said. Luke was being honest with his words. The last time he saw you, things sort of ended badly. Badly as in he had to cancel your date for the fourth time in a row. At that point you had given up on him being a potential thing. Luke had tried to make it up to you, but you were done. “I’m sorry for cancelling the dates. I also know this isn’t really an appropriate place to ask you out again, but. . .” His voice had trailed off and Luke glanced down at his feet. He knew he had lost something special before he could even get it.

“I don’t know. You seem like a really busy person and being stood up four times is kind of a mood killer,” you responded. Luke sighed, and ran a hand through his hair in nervousness.

“Please,” he nearly begged, “We could have the date right now if you want to!” You looked at around at all the half and fully naked people surrounding the two of you, moaning coming from every part of the room. “Okay not here in this place, but since we’re both free right now I say we grab our clothes and go out.” You smiled at his words and thought for a moment.

“Okay. One more chance and only that,” you told him. Luke smiled in response and sure enough his last chance turned into something special.

Tom. #15: “If we die, I’m going to kill you.”

Your hand gripped tightly to Tom’s, eyes closing as your foot stepped out and into the kayak. You weren’t one for outdoor water sports but Tom and somehow convinced you to get in a boat with him. “You can open your eyes now,” Tom chuckled, helping you sit in your spot of the kayak. You slowly opened your eyes, and a small nervous laugh left your lips.

“That wasn’t too bad,” you said, hands gripping tight to the paddle.

“Y/N, all you did was get into the boat. We haven’t even started the adventure yet,” Tom laughed. You rolled your eyes at him in response, bracing yourself as he began to push the boat out more into the water and climb into the spot behind you. You loved your boyfriend enough to try out something he loved, but as the ride continued on and the currents became rough, you were starting to regret this ride.

“Are you sure this is safe?” you asked Tom for the second time. You were just now starting to get the hang of paddling, but as the water worked against you things were becoming hard.

“Yes. Trust me I would put you in any dan-” Tom’s words were cut off as he spotted the boulder like rocks up ahead. He had thought the two of you were on the easy path. The one designated specifically for beginners, but you must have taken a wrong turn at some point. Your eyes widened as the kayak began to shake and bump against the boulders.

“If we die, I’m going to kill you!” you shouted as the water crashed around the two of you. Tom seemed too calm for your liking, his hand reaching out to push off the boulder and away from it.

“How are you going to kill me if we’re already dead?” Tom chuckled, maneuvering his way through the rocks.

“I’ll come back as a ghost and do it,” you responded. You could feel his wet hand land on your arm, giving it a squeeze as he laughed at your words.

“I got you, Sweetheart,” he smiled, hair beginning to curl at the edges as water coated his face. You sucked in a deep breath, and you let his words soak into you. You trusted him enough to know the two of you would make it out of this slightly dangerous situation.

Calum. #43: “I think I’m in love.”

Calum’s smile grew as you came into view and his heart began to race as the music began to play. He had waited for this moment for months and now that it has come, Calum couldn’t contain himself. After a moment you were by his side, handing over the plate of churros and rolling your eyes at your boyfriend.

“I think I’m in love!” he shouted, a blush making its way onto his cheeks when he realized he said the words out loud instead of in his head.

“I swear you never look at me like that,” you chuckled, placing a small bowl of chocolate sauce in front of him as well. Buying a churro maker was the best present you could have ever gotten Calum. When he had found out about the present, Calum had begun to basically stalk the mailman. He loved food and loved you even more for fulfilling his love of churros.

“I do look at you like this,” he responded, eyes never leaving the treat as he picked it up and dipped it in the chocolate sauce. You could see his eyes glaze over in a food lust as he watched the sauce slowly drip off the pastry. “Can I lick this sauce off your body tonight?” he questioned after a few minutes of silence. You were a bit taken aback by his words, coughing in response as the drink you were sipping went down the wrong pipe.

“What?” you questioned, trying to catch your breath. You glanced around hoping none of your friends had heard his words. They were too busy in the game you were playing to pay attention to the conversation you two were having. Calum moved closer to you until his mouth was next to your ear.

“When everyone leaves I want to pour this chocolate on your breasts and suck it off,” Calum whispered, sending shivers down your spine. Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip at his words. If you had known buying Calum and churro maker would get him this hot and bothered, you would have bought one a long time ago.

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #Tom Holland #Luke Hemmings #Calum Hood #5sos blurbs #Tom Holland blurbs #Luke Hemmings blurbs #Calum Hood blurbs #5sos au #Tom Holland au #Luke Hemmigns au #Calum Hood au #Tom Holland writings #Luke Hemmings writings #Calum Hood writings #blurbs

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selfcallednowhere · 4 years

Text

February 2, 2018 Houston, TX

When they came out, Flans said that this was "TMBG Country." Then he said that the venue was "surprisingly nice" (it actually was really nice--in spite of the show taking place in my hometown, this was my first time being here--not sure if it opened after I moved away or what). Then he said that they were going to be their own opening act but they were actually well-rehearsed, and that they were "the only They Might Be Giants tribute band that matters," and I was thinking "No, that's Sapphire Bullets!" cos that's what he would always say when they were doing that.

The first two songs were the same as the previous night, "Dinner Bell" and then "Damn Good Times," and I had a momentary flash of being worried that they were going to play a very similar set to the night before. They played some great stuff the night before, don't get me wrong, but one of the things I love about seeing them do multiple shows in a row is seeing them play a lot of different stuff. My fears turned out to be unfounded though--they did play some of the same stuff but also mixed it up enough to make it interesting.

The next song was "Hey, Mr. DJ, I Thought You Said We Had a Deal," which is is really really fun live. Curt still wasn't with them for this early part of the tour, and I had to admit the performance was lacking without him after seeing how much he'd added to it at the shows I went to in Brooklyn about a month before this, but it was still fantastic.

After that John said, "This place is so nice that it feels inappropriate to do a high-energy show. We should be doing a TED Talk. We're being too rambunctious."

Then Flans said that they have a new album, and I didn't hear him but apparently some guy in the crowd yelled that it's great, because then Flans said, "Area man says 'great work.'"

Then Flans said that he had his "favorite cheat sheet" and was hoping it wasn't going to get blown away. John said it isn't really cheating if there are no losers. Then he went back to the TED Talk thing and said we'd be able to see it all explained in his Powerpoint presentation. Flans said that the Venn diagram shows that the crowd's acceptance of new material is directly related to the enthusiasm the band brings to their performance of it. Then John said, "I'm gonna flip some paradigms and blow your mind." Then Flans said that on this song he was going to take his mic off its stand "like a Little Lord Fauntleroy."

The song was "This Microphone." This was the live debut of it, so that was two new song debuts in a row after "Mrs. Bluebeard" the night before. Also like "Mrs. Bluebeard," I wouldn't have expected it to work live as well as it did (this has nothing to do with song quality, I just find some types of songs more suited to live performance than others), and it was cool to see the debut of it.

Afterwards, Flans said that it was the first time they'd played it, which he didn't want to say beforehand cos then he would have felt even more self-conscious. Then he thanked Dan for doing such a good job with the solo. Also Marty was using some kind of percussion that I'm not sure what it was exactly--some stick thing he was shaking. Flans said it's banned, and John said it's endangered. Flans said it's considered cruelty, and John said that's because it's still alive.

Then John said something like "How about John Flansburgh getting all the lyrics to that song?" and we all cheered, and I was thinking that the reason he managed to do that was because of the aforementioned cheat sheet, and that if he'd just done the same thing with "Mrs. Bluebeard" the night before he wouldn't have fucked it up so badly, but of course being able to read a cheat sheet would require the assistance of his glasses, and my motives for him wearing them were of course entirely pure and related solely to his ability to correctly sing his new songs and not at all to do with the fact that I think him wearing them is the sexiest thing in the history of time.

Then John said that they'd been playing long enough that they could remember when Youtube wasn't around to document the bad early performances of their songs, and improvised a song on his keyboard, the lyrics of which consisted of just "Makin' shit up/Cos I can't remember the words." Flans said that later they'd get to the stage where the people in the front row know all the words and they don't, and John said "Fucking you do it."

Then they played "Mrs. Bluebeard." John did much better with it than he did the night before, so he must have rehearsed it quite a bit--he still slipped up a couple of times, but he really mangled it the night before, so I was proud of him for doing so much better this time.

After "New York City," Flans said that it was time for an "on-stage Vibe Report." He started talking about how there's a place that he first described as a spa, and then described as an exercise place, and then described as a cult, and said that if you go enough times they give you some bag and Marty really wants the bag. He asked Marty if he's been enough times to get the bag yet, and Marty said you have to refer other people, and Flans said "Cult!"

Then John said that they actually got to sleep in a hotel room the night before. "There's a water spraying thing on the wall and a thing you dry yourself with. We don't know what to do with that." Then he said he'd done his laundry, and I was like "You mean the like three stripey shirts that you're gonna wear over and over for the whole tour?" Flans said that all he'd done all day was get a burrito (which granted does not sound like much, but I can assure you as a native Texan that when I get the chance to return home getting some quality Tex-Mex is always a high-priority activity for me as well).

Next they played "Letterbox," YES YES YES. I love that song SO MUCH and have only seen it a few times since way back in the day.

After that song, John picked up the contra-alto clarinet. Flans said that there's an entire chapter about this instrument in their autobiography, which is entitled In Praise of Inanimate Objects (I would totally read this, for the record). Then he said that it's "not made for drywall."

They played "All Time What." Afterwards, Flans said that we should "enjoy the restraint of the keyboard on the next song," and that Dan was going to be in his own "musical prison cell."

The next song was "Cloisonne." I liked this song with bass clarinet too, but I like it better with the contra-alto just cos I think it's a cooler-looking instrument so I like seeing John play it more.

Next, they played "Particle Man," which featured some quality JL spazziness. The song he inserted in the bridge this time was "Elusive Butterfly," which I haven't seen him do much at the shows I've been to lately--it's such a dumb song, so it amuses me to see him do it.

Afterwards, John said that the key of C is so conventional and he's sick of it, and Flans said he needs more black keys. Then John said that the next song was in the key of F#, if we were playing along.

The next song was "Doctor Worm," which is always so fun live, definitely one of my favorite accordion songs that they actually play on a regular basis to see. This was followed up by "The Famous Polka," which I feel the same way about.

People were yelling something or other after that, and Flans said that they have a computerized light show so it's confusing when people talk to them.

Flans introduced "Trouble Awful Devil Evil" by saying it's the best song on Phone Power. I've also seen him say that "Answer" is the best song on Glean. I don't agree with him in either case, but I do think it's sweet for him to say that the best songs on both albums are John's.

Afterwards, Flans said that they were happy to see that "the dudes in the back didn't bolt" like they normally do during slow songs. He said he wondered what they always do outside, and John said they were "bear-hug dancing." Flans said he has a feeling it involves menthol cigarettes. John: "We don't judge. Yes we do."

Then there was something really funny. John said that there were initials on the setlist and he had no idea what they meant, and Flans said "It's 'as fuck, John." I happened to be in front of a girl who got the setlist at the t-shirt stand after the show, so I can confirm that it did indeed say "AF" after the previous song. It just really amused me that a) Flans would write that on the setlist and b) he'd think John would be hip enough to know that that was what it meant.

Next they played "Bangs," which isn't one of my absolute favorite Mink Car songs, but it is pretty good and pretty fun live.

Next there was "Your Racist Friend," and then something I was really excited to see: "Nothing's Gonna Change My Clothes." FUCK I love that song, and I've only seen it a few times, so yeh it was a big deal for me. It's superfun live too, so happy and bouncy.

Next was "Cyclops Rock," which is one of my absolute favorite Mink Car songs, and also one of those "Flans rocking your face off" songs that I love seeing live so dearly.

Flans said that they were going to take a 15-minute break. John said, "We'll be back in an hour." Then Flans said that the break was going to be "a strong New York 15," whatever that means.

Then they had the house lights turned up so they could count the beards in the crowd. John said that some people were "wearing their beards on the inside." Then they went off on this funny thing with Flans saying that in Austin the beard-to-person ratio was 2-to-1, and John saying that its nickname was "The Double-Beard City." Flans: "There was an ad campaign, 'Keep Austin Double-Bearded,' but it wasn't as successful as the 'Keep Austin Weird' campaign. I think people just hate sequels."

The last song of the first set was "The Mesopotamians." This song is fun live and all, but god, I've only seen three songs from The Else live and it's one of my favorite albums. I just wish they would mix it up a bit instead of always playing this one.

After the break and the "Last Wave" video projected onto the back wall, it was time for the Quiet Storm portion of things. I was really looking forward to it, more than any other part of the show in fact, cos I was counting on them to not let me down by skipping "A Self Called Nowhere" like they did the previous night.

The first few songs were the same as the night before--"Older" and "I Like Fun," both with John on the contra-alto clarinet. During the parkour part of the latter Flans was holding one arm up and out and everyone was cheering a lot, particularly after the "at the age of 58" part--presumably they thought it's his actual age, but I of course know that it's really John's age, not his.

After that Flans said that Marty was playing electronic drums and it was a "once-in-a-lifetime experience." Then he said that this is the Quiet Storm part of the show, partially because they're "playing storm sound effects, quietly" and partially because it was "stormy emotionally" because they were "testing the outer limits" of what Febreeze can do.

John said that the next song was from 1840.

JL: When we played this song in Pensacola, when we said "1840," people went absolutely ape-shit. And we still don't know why. JF: It's "ape-shit bananas." That's the show-biz term.

So then they played "Tippecanoe and Tyler Too," and I was kicking myself for not listening to it a lot on the bus to memorize the lyrics so I could sing along, and resolved to make sure to get them down by the show the next day.

Then John said that 1840 is the old-timey time, but the next song is from the future--1844. One of them said that in the future there are flying beards, and John said, "Flying beards leaving beardtrails. You know what that means." Then he said "Heavens to Betsy!"--I thought it was very cute for him to be using such an old-fashioned expression that no one uses anymore, but I always think it's cute when he does this. (Well, I always think it's cute when he does literally anything pretty much, I guess.)

So then they of course did "James K. Polk." I really do like this song on accordion--I may be really upset by him playing accordion songs on keyboard, but when he does the reverse I definitely am not gonna complain. I mean, if it were up to me he'd play accordion for the entire show like he did in the duo days. Just before the bridge he told Flans "Let your beard fly," which was silly.

And then, at long last, was the moment I've been waiting for for sixteen and a half years, the moment I thought would never come before this tour started: they played "A Self Called Nowhere." I cannot even put into words how special it was for me to see my favorite song for the first time, the song I've been wanting to see more than any other song for as long as TMBG has been my favorite band. I literally got goosebumps. It was unlike anything I've ever experienced at a show. It was everything I hoped it would be and more, and I don't see how any future concert-going experience could ever top it.

After that, Flans was walking over near Marty's drums, and John said, "Don't get those drums angry."

Then Marty walked off stage and it was just The Johns. They did "Istanbul" that way, the version where they're both being really silly with the long drawn-out part with them doing silly things with their voices and stuff, and I think that version is very amusing, but apparently not everyone thinks so, because some woman by me was yelling insulting remarks at them ("I paid $50 for what?" and worse, including swearing I won't repeat). It really pissed me off, and if she'd been closer to me I would've gotten into it with her.

The rest of the band came back for the end of the song for a crazy jam session. Flans introduced them all afterwards and said that they were "re-introducing long-term hearing loss. Save your complaints for the band tomorrow night, because we'll be gone."

Next they played "We Live in a Dump"--Flans gave it its standard intro, which is that it's "about apartment living." I was thinking about how great John's backing vox are on the "then"s, which I'd never fully appreciated before.

Next came a major show highlight--"Don't Let's Start"!!! I was FLIPPING OUT the moment I heard that classic opening riff. I've seen this song shockingly few times considering how popular it is, probably fewer than five times, and it's very close to the top on my list of favorite songs, so yeh it was a really big deal for me. And godDAMN what a good live song! And there was just so much energy in the room, because of course everyone loves that song.

After that Flans said, "We have a new album out. It's a complicated album. It's strictly for adults." I'm not sure what he meant about it being complicated, but I'm pretty sure an album that's jam-packed with death and despair at a level that's high even by their standards is "strictly for adults," yeh.

Then they played "I Left My Body." I do really love this song, and it's also a great live song.

After that Flans said that during the next song Marty's hands never leave his arms. Then he asked how everyone was doing, and, after everyone cheered, said that he could see that there had been some beards grown during the intermission.

John introduced the next song with, "This song is in the key of F, for those of you who give a shit." The song was "Number Three," which is a really fun live song. I still don't understand why they'd put it anywhere in a setlist besides being the third song, but I'm pretty sure that's how it's been every time I've seen it.

After that John said that they've been playing with Marty for a long time, "but we still don't know what the drums ever did to him. It's his dark secret." Then, Flans said that there's a profile of Marty in the new issue of Modern Drummer, and that Marty told him when he was being interviewed he said, "Kids, school is for fools" but they didn't print that part (a minute later he said he didn't really say that).

Next they played "The End of the Tour," which is another amaaaaaazing song that I've only seen a few times, so that was exciting.

Next they played "Spy." That song is so much better live than it is on the album just cos the improv conducting part is so fun. Afterwards, Flans said that that song was "a musical question with no right answer" and thanked us for joining them in their "musical aquarium," whatever that means. Then he said he thought he heard someone on a walkie-talkie, and that sometimes in New York you'll be at a diner or something and there will be construction workers talking on their walkie-talkies and it's weird.

Then they played "When the Lights Come On." I'm so glad they're doing this one live--in addition to being my second-favorite song on the album, it just KICKS SO MUCH ASS live cos it's so rockin'. It really is unusual for John to write a song that's this rockin', that's much more Flans's territory than his, so I was glad for him to have a chance to play a song like that, plus it's just generally a fucking fantastic song.

After that they collaborated on a silly improv song:

JL: We've got a brand-new album. It's the reason we're here. JF: Don't forget about the other songs, John. JL: We also have other songs.

It doesn't really sound funny when I just write it out, but having them actually make it into a song was, trust me.

After that Flans introduced the band again, and then introduced the crew too--he mentioned two people named John, and then asked, "Do we only hire people named John?" But then he said that they also have Fresh, who's on two teams: Team Beautiful and Team Drums.

Next they played "Answer," and after it was over I was randomly thinking that I'd love to see them play "When Will You Die," and they actually did play it next! It was so strange. I don't even know why I was thinking of it right then since the two songs have no connection. Anyway, I love that song live--so much fun, and easily one of the most fun songs to sing along with ever. John apparently thinks it's really fun to sing too--he's always smiling a ton when he does, which always amuses me.

That was the end of the main set. The first encore started with "Why Does the Sun Shine?" That's another really fun live song. They're currently doing it with Flans singing and John doing the spoken parts. Things that were a gas on the sun included "magnets--how do they work?", and the heat and light of the sun were caused by "the nuclear reaction between magnets, hydrogen, how do they work, and magnets." So yes folks, John Linnell has discovered ICP, heaven help us.

After that they played "Wicked Little Critta." I can't believe how fun that song is live when I'm not really into it on the album.

They closed the first encore with that song they always have to play--"Birdhouse in Your Soul," of course. I will never ever ever get sick of that song live, no matter how many times I see it. It still manages to be one of the highlights of the show for me, even though I've seen it at every single show I've ever been to.

They opened the second encore with "Spider." Silly and fun, as always.

They closed with something I've seen a lot but don't think I've ever seen them close with: "Twisting." I think it's a great closing song--it really ends the show on a high note. John was hopping some and it was adorable. Also Flans somehow managed to knock his mic onto the stage (I didn't see exactly what happened cos I was staring at John as per usual) and then had to spend a minute down on the stage, trying to pick it up. Poor Flans--I'm sure he was really embarrassed. But the rest of the band just gamely continued playing.

So that was the end of the show. The Apollo 18 stuff the night before was amazing of course, but if I take out that stuff and just think about the rest of the set, I thought the setlist at this show was actually better. They played some of my absolute favorite songs, many of which I either have only seen a few times or saw a bunch when I was first going to shows years and years ago but haven't much since then. Finally seeing my theme song was most definitely the highlight for me!!!

Other notes: John seemed particularly energetic and happy. I don't know if it was being well-rested from sleeping in a real bed at the hotel or what, but he seemed to be smiling and boppin' around more than usual, and it was adorable. Also he continued his "wearing pretty much nothing but stripey shirts" streak he's been on this year, with this red-and-blue stripey one he loves.

#tmbg #show reviews #yes i'm finally getting this shit done

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suchdan-veryphil · 5 years

Text

Two Worlds Collide - Dan Howell Imagine Part 15

Word Count: 1,417

Trigger Warnings: pain, swearing,

A/N: I have been waiting forever to write this and it took me forever to write this because depression sucks, yall. This is not the end of our story, though! I’m excited to keep writing and even create some new stuff. I know this one is wordy but this is what we’ve been waiting for right???? Anyways, I hope this does Dan and the reader justice. xox

Part 14

--------------------------------------

“It’s been nine minutes since your last contraction, Y/N. I think it’s time.” Dan said as he began to gather the materials that we planned to bring to the hospital. I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut as the pain began to subside.

“No, Dan. I’m not ready yet. Not at all. See? All gone.” I breathed out as I stood up straight again and rubbed the small of my back.

He hadn’t looked up from the diaper bag as he went over the mental checklist that he’d made all those weeks ago. “I think it’s time to go, sweetie. We don’t want to wait too long and then she’ll come here at home.”

“People have home births all the time, right?” I half-joked and ran my hands down my stomach as I glanced at Dan.

“Not funny. Let’s go, Y/N. I really think it’s time.” He looked up to meet my eyes.

“The books say 5-7 minutes. Nine is more than those.” I put a little whine in my voice in an attempt to show Dan that it wasn’t that my body wasn’t ready, but that I wasn’t ready. I had gone an entire pregnancy convinced that my baby wouldn’t make it to term, and here I was, about to give birth absolutely terrified out of my mind. I had spent so long preparing for the worst case scenario in my head that I had failed to prepare the best, most beautifully painful case scenario.

Dan rubbed my stomach as I rested my hands on my back and leaned into them a little. “You’re doing amazing. She’s going to be here and we’re going to have an itty bitty baby girl to hold and to love for the rest of our lives. Isn’t that beautiful?”

I couldn’t help but smile a little and nod my head. “Yea. I just- I feel like this isn’t real and that if I have her, I’m gonna wake up in my bed all of those months ago and none of this is going to be real. We’ve come so far and I don’t think I’m ready.”

With a sigh, Dan lifted his hand to rest on my cheek gently. “Unfortunately, love, it doesn’t matter if we’re ready because she’s ready.” He kissed my forehead as I closed my eyes and squeezed my eyes shut.

I sniffled in an attempt to hold back any tears and fears I had. “You’re right.” I paused. “Let’s go have a baby,” I said softly and looked down at my stomach, one tear escaping my eye. After taking a moment to take a breath and let everything sink in, I stood and looked at Dan.

“Let’s go have a baby,” he kissed my forehead, took my hand and picked up the bags that held baby Gwen’s things. I squeezed Dan’s hand out of nothing but pure anxiety. I had no idea how this was going to go and for some reason when I thought about having a baby in my arms, our baby, my heart started to beat three times as fast.

Once we were at the hospital, the nurses got me into a wheelchair and began to ask me basic questions. I knew they were just trying to keep my mind off of the pain that was coursing through my body, but I was really tired of being asked: “on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most, how much pain are you in?” The answer was ten. Every time. Ten. I was about to squeeze a watermelon out of my very private area. Dan just held my hand and let me answer the questions. His gestures of affection were cute, but they weren’t taking the pain away.

“Are you sure you don’t want the epidural?”

“No, I just want her to be here so I can finally hold her,” I softly said and closed my eyes as my free hand made circles on the surface of my stomach.

A nurse approached the side of the bed to check my IVs before she smiled at me and Dan. “Hopefully you’re at 10 centimeters, you’ve been waiting a while, mom.” She made her way around the bottom of the bed and helped my legs go up in the stirrups. I looked at Dan who was watching the nurse with such great intensity.

With her help, I got my legs up on the stirrups and let our nurse examine my dilation. I could only look at the very intricate way that Dan’s jaw clenched as he waited for any word. The nurse soon stood up and walked towards the garbage can to toss the gloves.

“Well?” Dan asked and glanced at my legs.

“Get comfy, momma. You’re about to have a baby,” she replied and smiled at me before winking at Dan. I let a deep sigh escape as I pulled my legs back onto the bed and closed my eyes. “I’ll go get the doctor and we’ll be back in a moment.”

As she left, Dan leaned over and kissed my head. “Are you ready to meet her?”

I took a deep breath again and stared into the eyes of someone that I never expected to be taking this journey with. The man I spilled my drink on, the man who endured the most traumatic event of my life with. Dan was the man I pushed away and repeatedly gave reason to never speak to me again, and here we were, about to have a baby. Our baby.

I could feel Dan wipe my cheeks as I smiled and nodded my head. “I’m ready for her.”

The doctor and two nurses came into the hospital room that seemed to continue to shrink with every moment that passed. They spoke amongst themselves and I could feel my hands begin to get clammy as the nurse helped me adjust my posture. Dan just rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand as he stood beside me for support.

“Alright, momma Howell. Are you ready? On your next contraction, I’m going to need you to push until I tell you that you can relax, okay?” The doctor instructed as she sat between my legs and nodded up at me.

“Next contraction in 3, 2, push!” the nurse instructed excitedly.

The only way I can think to describe the next thing I felt was red. I saw red as the pain rushed over me. I cried out and pushed as hard as I could. This could not last another minute. My baby was ready for me, and goodness knew that Dan and I were ready for her. The minutes felt like hours as I pushed and pushed and breathed and breathed. I had directions and encouragement coming at me from all angles. Overwhelming is a nice way of putting how the room felt.

It was one hundred minutes of pushing my baby girl out, but after those hundred minutes, the room filled with a high pitched cry and my body flooded with relief and love. Dr. Atwood laid her on my chest and that was it. I lost my control and I just started to cry as I held her close to my heart. Guinevere.

“You did it, love.” Daniel kissed my head and leaned down to look at our beautiful girl in the eyes. “You did it, Gwen!” his eyes teared up. As I watched the interaction take place, my heart swelled and I couldn’t help smiling so widely that my eyes were almost closed. I went to cuddle Gwen closer, but our moment was cut short by the nurse approaching and explaining that they were going to take her and clean her up quickly before returning her to us. I bit my lip and nodded my head as I watched our tiny baby being carried away to be cleaned, weighed and swaddled for us.

Resting my head back on the pillow, I could feel Dan wiping the sweat off of my forehead before pressing his lips to my temple. “I’m so proud of you. She is absolutely wonderful.”

I nodded my head and held back the tears as I thought about it. “Yea, she’s perfect. I can’t believe she’s ours. We get to spend the rest of our lives loving and spoiling that little girl.” I wiped my tired eyes dry before I glanced up at Daniel and smiled. It seemed impossible to do anything else.

Everything was alright. Just like Dan had promised.

#two worlds collide #dan howell #dan howell fic #dan howell x reader #dan howell fanfic #dan howell imagine #daniel howell

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amnachil · 5 years

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To The Perfection Chapter 1 Part 4

Hope you’ll like it :)

Thomas Monday January 14

"I mean, her booty man ! There isn't more to say."

Thomas glanced at Joël, irritated. Well, he didn't show his annoyance of course. They were supposed to work out, but the man was coveting girls.

"Lara's boobs are attracting too." he continued. "But she's a bit too chubby for my taste. That's a loss."

The main concerned party smiled again. You piss me off. For real. He knew Joël and Cody since kindergarden. Unlike Raphaël, from whom the royal court had always been growing until highschool, Thomas preferred to keep only a few people around him. I don't need more crawler. But as they grew older, Joël started to be a little too confident. After all, he was tall, ripped and popular. His cocky demeanor was starting to get the best of him.

"I admit, Lara's a bit on the chubby side." Thomas eventually replied. "But isn't it a win-win, since she has bigger boobs ?"

Joël frowned.

"Fair enough." he admitted. "So... What about your preference ?"

"I would rather not talk about it." laughed the ginger. "I have no time for this."

He noticed Cody and Ilhan coming closer. Their work out session was over... What a waste of time. Jeez he's so easily distracted with his working hormones nowadays.

"Hey guys." greeted Cody. "How was training ?"

"Fine."

His friend stared a him. He was way more discreet than their big mouth friend. Standing at 1m80 (5'11"), he weighted a skinny 67 kg (148 pounds). He was lanky, with dark hair and eyes. Recently, he's always looking at me weirdly. Like if I was lying all the time. Thomas wasn't a liar. He only get used to his interlocutors.

"Dude to be honest we didn't do much." accepted Joël. "I'm craving soooo much for sex, it drives me crazy."

Well, at least this one was honest.

Soccer pratice started well. But after a moment, the coach decided to make them watch a game to learn some skills. A game of Raphaël, obviously. While they all admired and complimented his older brother, Thomas felt a huge rancor growing in his stomach. He already stole the person I love. Now, he will take my friends too ? Why is this world so unfair ? Analyzing his behavior, the teenager realised it was not about these useless people he called friends. It's all about Dan. Since friday's evening, it was getting harder (was it even possible) to not cross the limits. His brother's boyfriend wasn't only a kinky fantasy... He said he likes me. Why did he said that ? Of course, Dan intented to do good. But for Thomas, it was a real ordeal to resist at his drive. I want to touch him. To rub his overstuffed belly. I want to cuddle with him. To have sex with him. He wanted to be Raphaël. Consequently, he needed to keep his mind off it. Am I exactly like Joël ?

Once they finished this completely useless practice, Thomas decided to make a quick visit. He wanted to talk with someone, but he needed someone who won't repeat everything to Raphaël. He finally arrived at the sheriff's station. He entered, and went directly to the front desk.

"Hi Gregory." he smiled.

His massive friend turned towards him. His munched two donuts at once quickly.

"Thomas. What brings you here ?"

The ginger teenager's smile grew larger. Gregory was a year older than him. He was a former classmate of Raphaël who got himself right in the middle of the game this latter was teaching to Shirley Vince (Dan's sister). Point was, Thomas had fattened him during months, and he had become a true behemoth at the end of his 11th grade. During summer, his parents had sent him in a summer camp, with mixed result. Since then, Gregory had developt the physic of a wrestler. Well, a fat wrestler. He was very muscled : his arms showed strongs biceps, his pecs were brought out. But his too-tight top also revealed a huge beer gut. Gregory was 1m80 (5'11"), but he weighted around 115 kg (255 pounds approx).

"I need your help regarding Joël Davos, the son of the sheriff."

His friend nodded. Once he had graduated from highschool, he had been recruited as a trainee here. He knew he wouldn't have much career opportunities, but the police department always needed new arms anyway.

"So... He has this crush on someone, but he's always complaining he can't talk to her. Which is true, because she's already in a relationship. It's turning him crazy, and he's annoying me for counseling. But you know more than me in that department. What should I tell him ?"

No way Thomas would reveal his crush for Dan. This way, it should work.

"The sheriff's son has a crush ? That's so cute, he has a big mouth but no balls eh ? Look, if he absolutely can't reveal his love, I think he should just let it go. Find a way to get his mind off that ? Like... sleeping with another person ?"

The teenager nodded, unconvinced. I guess coming here was a bad idea after all.

When he arrived at home, Thomas came upon something he wasn't ready for. It was only early January, and they since two days, they were facing cold temperatures. And Dan seemingly didn't like cold temperature. So he had put the heating system on hot. Very hot. He was shirtless in the living room, savouring some melting ice. Not the first, judging by all the wrappers in the bean. Thomas's eyes widened. He froze with amazment. His junior friend was so handsome. He was a strapping lad, well built all over the body. But he had a little softness which made the ginger shiver. It wasn't much but some thickness around the edge. Well, except for his belly. Since three week ago, it had grew bigger. Dan soft flesh was bulging slightly, forming a tiny curve from his lower stomach to his pecs. Most people wouldn't even notice it. But Thomas wasn't most people. Sure, Dan had already been way fatter. But it was something so sexy, so appealing...

"The weather is so cold today." mumbled the junior. "And we are burning inside because the heating system is broken. It's like a heatwave in the middle of winter. Can you cook something refreshing ?"

The temperature isn't the only thing hot around here. No way Thomas could say this. For real, he really needed a distraction, because it was very hard to resist to the temptation in these conditions. But the prospect of seeing Dan pig out shirtless was obssessing the young teenager. I'll just need to hide my hard-on, and it'll be fine.

"Sure thing." he finally responded once he had collected his thought. "I'll prepare all that."

Dan Tuesday January 15

Another really cold day. Dan couldn't bear the cold. He was heading to his parent's home for lunch, after an interesting but difficult morning at the uni. He wasn't stupid, but he wouldn't qualify himself as bright either. Maybe it was a consequence to hang out with two genius most of the time ? But anyway, the cold was killing him. He was almost home when he noticed a moving van in their neighbor's driveway. Someone is moving in ?

"I must be dreamin' awake !" shouted a cheerful voice. "Dan Vince, buddy is that you in the flesh ?"

The junior turned towards the person who hailed him. It was an handsome guy with disheveled chesnut hair. He looked rather lanky, dressed with baggy pants and a flowerly jacket. His features were delicate, and he had beautiful blue eyes. Wait a second. He does look familiar.

"You're Dan, right ?" asked the lad. "I mean, it would be really awkward for me if you weren't."

"Darren ? Darren from the double D ?"

The guy nodded, enthusiastic. Oh wow. It had been so long ! Darren was his bestfriend through primary and middle school. He had moved in another state of the country after their 9th grade.

"Oh man ! My first day back in town, and I ran into you ! That must be fate !"

"Yeah, probably. Damn, it's good to see you." replied Dan, still a bit surprised.

"Do you have time ? We really need to catch up !"

"Sure. I'm gonna have lunch with my parents but I can come after if you want."

I thought I would never see you again. To be honest, it had been a long time. Maybe they had complete different interest now. But Dan was very happy to see his long gone buddy. And so they suited a meeting.

After an hearty meal, Dan came back to his neighbor's home. Darren welcomed him in the living room, apparently excited.

"I didn't eat yet." he revealed. "It would be rude to not offer you something and to eat alone, so please yourself."

The junior nodded, not really focused on the food anyway. He grabbed a plate of lasagna and a beer, and then asked his friend :

"So D one, you are coming back ?"

The chestnut lad smiled as the mention of his nickname. Back in times, they had been nicknamed the Double D. Everyone had been saying they were inseparable.

"Well, I just finished a two-year private school in Japan and now, I'm looking for a job around. I thought it would be nice to move in here, since my parents have abandonned this house for their penthouse in New York."

Rich people and their multiples homes... Well, the inhabitant of the town were wealthy for the great majority. Dan wasn't a person you would be sorry for, regarding his parent's condition.

"Japan eh... Sounds like you travelled a lot." he observed. "You look fine by the way."

"I managed to keep in shape yeah." replied Darren. "But not as much as you. I mean look at you dude ! You were all skin and bones when we were kids."

"Yeah, I guess I changed since then." chuckled Dan.

They talked for hours. It appeared their had still strong common interests. Darren was as Dan imagined : comical, acting with poise and confidence. But he was still clumsy and straight. He related his trip in Japan, but also his highschool's years. He talked about his family, the friends he made along the way and other stuff he had enjoyed. Nonetheless, he asked a lot too. Dan explained his own highschool's year have been rather annoying. He mentionned his try at soccer, but he had sucked at it. Finally, maybe because they had consummated a lot of beer, Dan confessed he was gay. Not that he wanted absolutely to hide it but when he had done his coming out, most of his friends had abandonned him. He had been bullied, and misunderstood even by his own family. Even now, his parents were acting differently with him, like if he was in porcelain. Without Raphaël, he would have lost himself in depression.

"I have a boyfriend." he heard himself said in the middle of the conversation. "I did my coming out two years ago."

When he finished his sentence, he expected a comment. Anything. But not this reaction.

"You're in a relationship ?" exclaimed Darren. "That's so cool dude ! I don't know why, but I'm proud of you. I'm not that lucky with hearts stories at the moment."

"Well, thank you ? And I'm sure you'll find someone." assured Dan.

Now I realise how much I missed him. Darren was so understanding. He wasn't judging at all. In fact, his friend was already narrating his love stories, absolutely not troubled by Dan's sexual preference.

Dan left at dusk. He had skipped a lesson, but didn't feel guilty. It was a wonderful afternoon. They had agreed to meet again on friday's evening. Raphaël's coming back Saturday, so my weekend was booked. When he arrived home, the junior smelled a perfumed scent of pie. He was kinda bloated from all the fizzy beer, but he knew he wouldn't resist. It was to please Thomas anyway, right ?

To be continued

So little explanation : Gregory was one of the main character in The High School Game. He was a teen who craved attention, and thought he had to be at the top to do so. He ended up fattened by Thomas, Shirley and co and realised it wasn’t that bad to be spoiled and nicely fat.

Thomas isn’t kind with his friends, but only in his thoughts. Otherwise, he always keep his facade.

#to the perfection #TP #Thomas #Dan #weight gain #stuffing #meeting an old friend #Who is Darren ?#chapter 1 #part 4

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bobbystompy · 4 years

Text

68 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2019

Below are my favorite quotes from 2019. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.

1) “I don’t bitch about Millenials.

John Entwistle once complained that he didn’t understand rap. Pete Townsend said, ‘It’s not our job to understand it. It’s our job to get the fuck out of the way.’

New generations come of age. The older generation’s job is to shut up and adapt.” - @danagould

2) “I can’t do drugs with you until we kiss.”

3) “If you pay me $50 I'll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.” - @DanaSchwartzzz

4) “A human being is a dangerous thing to let loose in a room with itself, when it cannot think.” - Roger Ebert

5) “There are no bad bourbons, only better bourbons.” - Dave Hernandez

6) “You can’t put a dollar in a kimono.”

7) “This is how it was.” - rampant takeaway from watching ‘Superbad’ several years after its release

8) “What if I had been born fifty years before you in a house on the street where you lived / Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike / Would I know? / And in a wide sea of eyes, I see one pair that I recognize” - Ben Folds, ‘The Luckiest’

9) “Learn the rules so you can break them.”

10) “Nobody makes chili for two.” - Stacy Massey

11) “‘Best city in the world,’ I mutter to myself, as i adjust my ‘driving blanket’.” - Chicago resident Deanna Belos, during the 2019 Polar Vortex

12) “Dude, no one’s ever got arrested for listening to Counting Crows.” - Ricky O’Donnell, justifying late night music volume at his party

13) Bill Belichick: We’re going to have fun tonight. Rob Gronkowski: Yes we are. We deserve it. Belichick: You’re damn right. Gronk: I haven’t stepped out in like eight months. I gotta step out tonight. Belichick: I’m with you, man. I’m even going to step out. Gronk: Oh, I like it!

A Super Bowl winning exchange.

14) Center David Andrews thanked Bill Belichick for giving him "a shot".

Belichick disagreed with it.

Andrews: Thank you for giving me a shot. Belichick: A shot? I didn't give you shit. You earned it! I don't give anything.

Another Super Bowl winning exchange.

15) “We elected one of the very worst living human beings to be President, and it's exhausting. Each and every day, it's an exhausting slog, just to exist in a world where that's true.” - Michael Schur

16) “Some of y’all always picked Odd Job when you played Goldeneye and it shows” - @thedad

17) “Any app is a dating app if you try hard enough.” - Z.W. Martin (though he says it’s lifted)

18) "Once you're as woke as I am, you learn to feel bad all the time.”

19) “Everything’s a balance beam when you’re 90.” - John Dingell

20) [I wake up in a world where The Beatles never existed]

Me: Check out this song I just wrote

[I begin playing “Ob La Di Ob La Da” without having first built up years of goodwill]

Crowd of people: Wow, this sucks ass

-- @seanoneal

21) “People change people.” - Corey Matthews, Girl Meets World

22) “The easiest thing to do on earth is not write.” - William Goldman

23) “Dan could be like a difficult uncle. I didn’t love his fire-breathing conservative politics. I didn’t love the transformation that came over his novels. In Semi-Tough, he created two benighted Texas jocks and laid their prejudices bare. He was declaring himself a member of the Mark Twain coaching tree. In later books, Dan seemed to be trying to prove he could still tell a racist joke. He insisted that his memoir—the last truly immaculate piece of writing he delivered—include a tirade against political correctness. When his editor said people might be offended, Dan said, ‘Fuck people.’

There are certain writers whose style you pilfer. Certain writers whose moral fiber you try to inherit. For me, Dan represented a third category: a writer whose aura you replicate—or, failing that, try to stand in for a while.” - Bryan Curtis, on Dan Jenkins

24) “Never marry anything. Never choose. Even in love, it's better to be chosen.” - La Dolce Vita

25) “An uncluttered, uncomplicated happy ending might sound wonderful, but it’s hardly ever satisfying. Because the value of great stories lies in the tension between desire and need, between the yearning for the ideal, and the unshakable conviction that ideals don’t really exist, at least not the way we want them to. A great story should hurt a little when it leaves us. There should be some hope, but that hope should remain somewhere just an inch beyond our fingers, because that’s the truth. Even if you had all the perfect moments in the world, you’d still be reaching.” - Zach Handlen, on the Futurama series finale

26) “You can’t see him because he has sunglasses on.” - Alissa Levy

27) “The cinema is the greatest art form ever conceived for generating emotions in its audience. That's what it does best. (If you argue instead for dance or music, drama or painting, I will reply that the cinema incorporates all of these arts).” - Roger Ebert

28) “‘Are you gonna let politics ruin a friendship?’

Yes tf I am

People talk about politics as if it’s this isolated, abstract concept that only matters at election time. Somebody’s politics is their world view. It’s whether they think certain human beings deserve rights. It’s how they think the world should be. And if somebody thinks that the world should be colder, meaner, less accepting and downright hostile to people that are different to them, then sure as fuck is the friendship over.”

29) “Can the Supreme Court get me mushrooms?” - J-Papp

30) “Any song under two minutes already has a head start on its way into my heart. Just scream at me and then leave me.” - Drew Magary

31) “Long neck cold beers never broke my heart.” - Clemson Tom

32) “I’d just like to point out that the last spoken words of Game of Thrones were:

‘I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel.’”

- @Authoroux

33) “Just once before I die, I want to toss my keys to someone and tell them ‘Bring the car around’.” - Mike Skully

34) “For all the weight they're given, last words are usually as significant as first words.” - Grand Maester Pycelle, Game of Thrones

35) “The best remedy for unrequited love is a trip around the world.” - Cheers

36) [on switching from a hotel to a motel]

Manny: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an H turns into an M. Jay: Hey when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket.

-- Modern Family

37) “You and Lindsey don’t want to be ‘estranged’. Estranged is the relationship we want to have with our mothers.” - MegFil

38) “Cigarettes are undefeated.”

39) “My toes are like my fingers on my feet. I can pick stuff up with them.” - Tracy Cunningham

40) “Republicans govern without shame, Democrats shame without governing.” - Bill Maher

41) Sam: I don’t understand the vagaries of the Internet Josiah: Post often, without thought, and you’ll either get cancelled or cancel someone else.

-- Blink-155

42) “Hang a lantern on your problems.”

43) “What a weird web we weave.” - The Situation, The Jersey Shore: Family Vacation

44) “Let the ocean worry about being blue.” - Alabama Shakes, ‘Hang Loose’

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45) “Honesty without tact is cruelty.” - Shelley Rokos

46) “My whole life is the wrong porn link.”

47) “One parent can take care of 10 kids, but 10 kids cannot take care of one parent.” - Joe Gestetner, via “an old Yiddish saying”

48) “There are no heroes in the room.” - Classics of Love, ‘Gun Show’

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49) “If I am a little dismissive, it's only because of my harrowing backstory.” - Mitchell, Modern Family (on why he doesn't like sports)

50) “Every time I’m wearing black, I meet a dog.” - Tracy Cunningham

51) “Shower sex? Why would I fuck in my crying chamber” - @chridollarsign

52) “My theory about quarterbacks, having written about some of them, is you either have to believe in god or think you are a god.” - Mina Kimes

53) “The contradictions of capitalism always manifest in our lyrics if you look deeply.” - Blake Schwarzenbach of Jawbreaker, Riot Fest 2019

54) “Got a ‘hang loose’ from the weakside bartender.”

55) “It’s Jennifer’s birthday always.” - Eric Hutchinson

56) “I can’t think of a less relevant artist in 2019 than Kanye West. A Jesus freak in a MAGA hat. Yeah, congrats dude -- you’re every grandma who watches ‘Young Sheldon’ and mails checks to Joel Osteen now.” - Dan Ozzi

57) “The past and future are in the mind. I’m in the now.” - Tom Brady, via someone else

58) “Sometimes you walk around boring places and you feel like the most exciting thing in it.” - Drew Magary

59) “Sitting is the new smoking.” - Modern Family

60) “I'll straight up fight folks at a book club and discuss books at a fight club I really don't give a shit anymore.” - George Wallace

61) “Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.” - Rose Garvey via wine country

62) “It’s all ‘ok boomer’ until you need someone who can drive stick shift.” - @OrdinaryAlso

63) “He likes the result of the math.” - Dad, talking about my worst subject frustrating during the process but satisfying in the end

64) Stepmom: Do you want a Bears urn or Alabama urn? Dad: Ask me after they play Auburn.

65) “A cold body carries a warm heart.” - Stefanos Tsitsipas’ Instagram, after his Iceland sabbatical

66) [preparing a dish called the Sandwich of Justice with his friend’s recipe]

"The fun thing about it is when you give it to someone, you can say 'Justice is served.’ That's, uh, Ryan's line. I built my whole life on the backs of my friends." - You Suck At Cooking

67) “Usually three people can keep a secret only when two of them are dead.” - The Irishman

68) “An artist can't control who consumes their content any more than a chemist can control how their chemicals are used once they're created.” - Brian Crooks

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noonmutter · 5 years

Note

*Grinch grin* Make me admit something... DO THEM ALL.

Pff like I haven’t had to do this rodeo before come at me scrub

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

That’s either my realtor or my mom, so no.

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

No? Why on earth would I?

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

Not to my knowledge.

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

Absolutely. Trust is the core of a relationship, without it you’re just acquaintances who maybe make eye contact sometimes.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

From the phrasing I assume this means “like-like” and since I live with my fiance, yes.

( I really did answer all of them at once but I’m not enough of a turd to fill everybody’s dashboard so the rest are behind the cut! )

6. What are you excited for?

Boring work stuff that makes little sense to anybody who doesn’t work with me but is going to be just as jazzed about it as I am because they’re FINALLY FIXING SOMETHING I SAID WAS A PROBLEM A YEAR AGO–AGAIN

7. What happened tonight?

Um… it’s four in the afternoon here.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

I think it’s disgusting when anybody gets wasted. You aren’t even conscious of whatever fun you might be having and you sure as shit aren’t tasting whatever you’re drinking anymore. Quit that.

9. Is confidence cute?

Only in the context of someone who’s about to get the living shit beaten/embarrassed out of them for being confident against all advice to the contrary (”He’s gonna go punch a tarrasque in the nads! How cute!”). Otherwise confidence is just a good thing and generally rad.

10. What is the last beverage you had?

I just finished my second coke of the day about ten seconds ago and am debating a third.

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

“Fully” is the operative word and that number is zero of any sex.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

Probably. It’s hard not to get them when you’re at a certain size.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

Work, go home, either raid or RP, and sleep. I do that basically every Saturday night.

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

Ideally a house that isn’t being sold by an idiot, but probably something less interesting like Starbucks.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

Hey @dwyndel would you consider what we’re doing “going out”?

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

I mean, I hope so? Growth is important.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

My fiance and my mom.

18. The last time you felt broken?

hahaha “last time”

19. Have you had sex today?

hahaha “today” I haven’t gotten laid in years. plural.

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

what the hell kinda question is this that’s not something you admit to, that’s a question that answers itself and the answer is either “no” because you aren’t or “yes” because the question made you realize it

21. Are you in a good mood?

Pretty good, yeah

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

Yes but I’ll be peeing literally the entire time

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

Probably. I got a lot of my looks from him, which aggravates the shit out of me since he’s a terrible person

24. What do you want right this second?

A nap

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

‘Can I watch’‘Were they hot’‘Do they like sharing’‘Your breath smells like infidelity’

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Yep, white streak included

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Probably not, but there’s a huuuuuuge difference between “doesn’t make me laugh” and “does not have a compatible sense of humor with mine.” Some people just aren’t funny. Like me. I’m not funny at all. Jesus am I ever not funny. Wow.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

A fucking Spanish Inquisition reference from Dan Avidan in Game Grumps that I’m still mad at myself for laughing at

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Eh, not really. I don’t have homesickness pangs or people-aren’t-here pangs unless I know I can’t get to them because they’re not in a place where I can go. Otherwise I’d be a sad puppy every time I went to work

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

No. Some people are not worth anyone’s time or effort and often they know it and abuse people’s willingness to forgive or try.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

Hatred is hard to pull out of me unless you personally did something really offensive and permanent to me. I get tired of people but I very rarely hate them. The last “boy” (he is very much an adult, calling him “boy” is fuckin’ wierd) I talked to was my supervisor and I rather like Phill

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

I am engaged. You tell me.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

Not only did I just say I’m contemplating a third Coke at 4 in the afternoon, I have a bucket to collect pull tabs in for the fiance to make chainmail out of

34. Listening to?

My coworkers chattering in the office around me. I could listen to music if I wanted, but the office headsets suck ass and can’t handle bass of any kind

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

Not often. My handwriting is awful and I try not to write by hand at all, but if I do, it’ll probably be in pen

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

Either at home or running errands

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Shit no

38. Who did you last call?

Not counting work calls, I try not to call people if I can possibly avoid it. Uhhhhhhh…probably my mom.

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

hahaha “dance”

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Because she was there and smoochable

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

Haven’t had cupcakes in a VERY long time, have had very good muffins from Costco this week though

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

Nope, they live in Virginia and I don’t

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Am I misunderstanding what you do to attract a mate?

44. Do you tan in the nude?

I don’t tan.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

Nope, that’s my smooch and I’m keeping it

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

Sorta. RP is kinda like talking, right?

47. Who was the last person to call you?

Realtor.

48. Do you sing in the shower?

Not really. If anything I hum; being able to hear myself too well makes me get quieter

49. Do you dance in the car?

Drum stuff out, finger-piano on the steering wheel, occasionally headbang.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Once, and I’d love to again. The first/last time I fired a bow I took ten shots and bullseyed six.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

College. Never doing that shit again.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

That’s sort of the point of them. The question isn’t are they cheesy, it’s are they good.

53. Is Christmas stressful?

Of course it is. The only time it’s not is when you’re too young/old to have conscious thoughts, because even young children worry endlessly over what they’re getting or if they’re getting anything or what if santa thinks they were bad

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

I fucking love pierogi but I’ve only ever had the frozen ones from Mrs. T’s, Dwyn and I keep saying we should find time to make some and see how much better it is

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Don’t really do pies of any kind except for French Silk. Fruit pie filling is a wierd texture I don’t really enjoy

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Architect and animator

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Enough to be unsettled late at night by noises I can’t identify, not enough to be unwilling to sleep in an allegedly haunted house

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

All day every day. No joke somedays I wonder if people who think they have psychic powers are just people with really persistent deja vu, it feels like magic

59. Take a vitamin daily?

vitamin coke or vitamin coffee

60. Wear slippers?

Technically the shoes I wore to work today could count as slippers. I call them my crazy-people shoes because they have no shoelaces and no fittings

61. Wear a bath robe?

only when it’s really cold in the house

62. What do you wear to bed?

Nothing

63. First concert?

Blind Guardian at the Pop’s in Chicago when I was 13. It was their first US tour and my parents are boss people who really wanted to humor their kid. People at the show realized this tiny barely-teenager in the back knew every word to every song and pulled me to the front, and there was no barrier between crowd and stage, so I got to lean on the stage and got smirked at by the guitarist. After the show I shook Hansi Kirsch’s hand and got my copy of Imaginations From The Other Side signed. Good times

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Target

65. Nike or Adidas?

Neither, they’re both overpriced shit

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

Cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Peanuts, although I’d rather have cashews

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

I don’t know any taylor swift songs nor do I care

69. Ever take dance lessons?

Nope

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

Hadn’t given that one any thought beyond helping her job hunt in the immediate sense. I can see her doing costuming on a professional level eventually, though

71. Can you curl your tongue?

I never know what people mean by this. I can make an “O” shape with my tongue but that’s it, I never figured out that clover shape

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

Multiple. I almost went national in …something-before-sixth-grade-because-I-remember-beating-sixth-graders but refused to go because I wanted to stop being stared at (seriously, I just didn’t want to go because I hated being on a stage). I’m sure that frustrated my mom

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

A few times, but not often

74. What is your favorite book?

One of the Discworld novels, but the answer is ever-changing because they’re all pretty goddamn great. Picking one out of a hat, Unseen Academicals is pretty rad just because it’s got such a great take on [thing that spoils the plot if I say it]

75. Do you study better with or without music?

I was not a studying kid, I was a “retains everything as long as nobody stops me from doodling while they’re teaching and it’s not about numbers” kid. Thinking about it I was probably doing some eidetic memorization tricks without realizing it, my fact retention is/was top notch when I cared

76. Regularly burn incense?

Nope, I have over 100 allergies and a lot of them are to plants so I’m not risking that bullshit

77. Ever been in love?

I am engaged to be married right now

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

Does Critical Role count?

79. What was the last concert you saw?

H…alestorm? I think? It’s actually been a while

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Hot plz

81. Tea or coffee?

Tea if it’s just the drink itself, coffee if I can put a ton of shit in it so I can only barely taste the actual coffee

82. Favorite type of cookie?

Does Not Contain Raisins

83. Can you swim well?

I can swim, Iunno about well? I’ve never been in danger of drowning for lack of swimming ability, I guess

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

What an interesting question, it hadn’t occurred to me there are people who can’t until now

85. Are you patient?

When I choose to be

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

If it’s affordable and the right band, band. Otherwise DJ and karaoke because HELL YEAH GET YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY DRUNK AND LET THEM SING

87. Ever won a contest?

A smattering of spelling bees, a couple art contests, summer reading competitions. Nerd shit, yanno? Although I’ve won those water gun shooting gallery games at Six Flags every time there’s enough people to play, too

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

Nope

89. Which are better black or green olives?

Olives are gross

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

It’s sex, who cares

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Living room and/or bedroom

92. Do you want to get married

I am engaged right now

@theengraver EAT ME

#prompty things #munday #theshadowborn

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