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starcrossedimps · 4 months

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"Hell's Worst Secret"

The more and more I think about that phrase, and the more I've rewatched the scenes, I think there's a specific distinction that's not exactly...clear? I mean, on the face of it, it seems kind of weird for it to be such a big deal for Fizzozzie to be exposed, especially if everyone knows they're already romantic.

But here's the thing: I don't think the people in hell do.

Here's my rationale:

As a baseline, I think everyone knows Fizz and Ozzie are fucking. This makes sense. They've been working together for probably a near decade, and the nature of their business--at least at Ozzie's--is very sexual. It's probably commonplace for people to just fuck for fun or for a good show. And for Ozzie to be the King of Lust? Who knows it's probably kind of expected that all his employees get at least one romp, and maybe more if they're talented (and I don't think anyone would question Fizz being talented).

And I think it's this relationship that Crim is thinking he's exploiting.

Think about it. From his perspective, everyone knows that Ozzie and Fizz are absolutely fucking. There's probably even a rumor that Fizz is the primary person Ozzie gets his fill from, if not the only one. So. What would be more valuable to the King of Lust than his little impish fuck toy (and how utterly embarrassing, for the king to be satisfied by someone of a lower station). Crim's not smart, but I also don't think he's stupid enough to try to win by cutting off the head of the Sin's actual romantic consort (which would have happened if Stolas wasn't there). The guy would have been totally incinerated (there was nothing spoken in the contract that would keep Ozzie from having him killed, as far as we know). Besides, if he kills a little imp toy, there's plenty of others--and how embarrassing would it be for a Sin to throw a tantrum over just one imp?

So here comes the second part.

Fizz and Ozzie aren't quiet about sleeping together--but NO ONE can know it's romantic.

Fizz being carried around? Fine, he's probably being taken to bed. Nuzzling? Absolutely the fuck not except in private. Making lewd jokes? Highly encouraged. Talking about how wonderful the other one is in public? Satan's tits no way.

So people know they're fucking. And that they have been for a while. And they're probably not subtle about that part at all (hello literally their whole show in Ozzie's). I mean, Fizz seems to live at Ozzie's place so there's no way the succubi don't know.

But that's the thing. The succubi have the MOST exposure to what's going on, and yet even THEY seem shocked by the whole canoodling. Which means they thought it was just sexual, too.

But let's shift to the general public: what happens when two dudes have chemistry (sexual chemistry is chemistry) and they're always standing next to each other.

People start to wonder if there's more.

That's kind of where we see the gossip magazine come in. It has two goals, if you can read that very difficult to read text. Goal 1: hint that their sexual relationship is romantic, actually (how embarrassing!). Goal 2: embarrass Ozzie by saying Fizz is trying to use him for money or power (who would let an imp manipulate them like that??). And Fizz knows the ultimate point is to shame Ozzie (because who doesn't like feeling superior to someone of higher rank by publicly mocking them) and that's why he hides it.

But just because it's hidden from Ozzie doesn't mean other people aren't seeing it and starting to think...

That's right. Hello Shippers. Hell is full of people into RPF.

Which means that when we get Ozzie's confession it just sparks all the "I told you so" the silent (and non silent) shippers have been thriving on for a near decade in hell. Their ship became canon! Nothing matters the shippers have won!! Hooray!

But here's the problem. The shippers might have expected this, but I'm pretty sure this is only common to Fizz or Ozzie fans. The show, after all, is full of people coming to see Fizz perform, or people coming to see him get dethroned.

I assume that, in general, hell doesn't give two shits about Fizz or other Sins enough to even consider if they're dating. But that changes if a Sin is into an imp.

And that's because it's weird. The highest class with the second-lowest class? That's unheard of. Ozzie doesn't even oversee imps why would he even care (compared to Bee who DOES oversee hell hounds). I think its absolutely absurd.

AND to Mammon's delight, its a hell of a fucking weakness. It's not just the fucktoy who could hurt or be taken advantage of (to an extent because ultimately he would be replaceable)--its a Sin's actual lover. That's heavier. That's more exploitable. That's a problem.

And it's probably the reason they tried to keep it hidden (however bad they were at it) for as long as they did.

Because now Fizz is gonna have even more of a target on him than ever before.

#fizzaroli helluva boss #fizzarozzie #fizzmodeus #helluva boss asmodeus #simple thoughts became essay sorry #character analysis

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bleaksqueak · 1 year

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Okay! I said I'd do a quick little tut for the chromatic aberration effect to the anon who asked, so here you go. Above is the raw panel, so from here, you'll be duplicating the canvas/panel by choosing "Copy Canvas" from the wrench button. Once copied, paste it into your folder and select the layer options to turn on Clipping Mask to your base panel. If doing the whole canvas, you can just paste as-is

I prefer to duplicate it once in preparation and then again each time I make a change, that way the effect can be toggled on /off or have its opacity lowered to mix with a previous effect if needed. From there, select the magic wand/effects and adjustments menu and click on Add Noise. Important: Pretend I took a screenshot of the drop-down menu, because rats must keep up appearances.

I prefer clouds with maximum octaves and low-no turbulence at a fine scale... however, play with the options and find one you like (or don't use it at all! I like the grain for a mild texture and for harmonizing the art's elements, especially on quick panels or rougher drawings.) I'm going at about 5% here. Just enough to give the desired effect, but not too much.

Once it's to your liking, duplicate your canvas/layer and select your new layer to work off of. On the magic wand menu again, select Chromatic Aberration.

We're working with the displace method, so select that instead of Perspective.

In procreate, the tool works by shifting your cursor in the direction you prefer at the distance you want. I never travel far, and I often use the warm/cold to play off of a reverse of my light source colors. I do that just to create a softened edge and a subtle color pop. Just like with the added noise, I keep the effect on a more subtle side often. Blurring at around 5 - 12 % will give your lines a soft glow and get rid of any (say, hideous pencil lines that you use as inks because you hate inking. Not that I do that. Not me.) Transparency can be bumped up or left alone, does what it says on the tin and strengthens the effect or subdues it.

Now, you might find some important detail is now too hazy? Too blurry? Too CHROMBERRATED? If so, gently erase what you want to be crisp. For Maia here, I just erased the front hair curls and her eyelashes.

Keep it or erase it, it's up to you. Play around and see what you like. Now, once all is said and done, and you like the effect, adding a few specular pops of light on a new layer can aid with bringing back in some focal points. Eye color, rim lighting, or just a couple of little metallic flecks. I use the light pen tool for this when feeling lazy, but you can use any brush you like, either on a raw Normal layer or on any of the light adjugement style layers. I chose a pale green to compliment the warm, red hues and balance the bluish shadow in her hair. Just a tiny little speck on her glasses, lips and on the rim light of her nose just to keep the anchor points of her face clear. Don't over do it (unless you want to, in that case, by all means, the light is yours to command.)

And that's the final. Hidden in the darkest shadows of voidcraft, I applied a textured brush to my canvas on Overlay because I do that for every comic page. Except for those that I forget, may their tears one day dry.

I hope that helps! The effect is subtle on this panel, but the desired effect to soften and marry the art, thus fooling the viewer's eye into thinking I super meticulously rendered this with careful prim and polish, is achieved! Hooray!

#solivaga #pu art #tutorial #art resources #art process #procreate #comic panel #digital art #artists on tumblr #art reference #mmmmmmmmaia #sorry about my handwriting

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pardi-real · 3 months

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Main Story Ep. 2 / Part 3 / Chapter 5 - Tough Training

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[Devil's Palace, Dining Room]

Lono: "Good morning! my lord!"

Bastien: "Good morning, my lord."

Berrien: "Please come this way… breakfast is served here.”

Lono: "Today's breakfast is cheese omelet with smoked salmon!"

> "Looks delicious”

Muu: "It smells so good~!"

Lono: "Alright, I'll serve it on plates. Oops... Ouchhh..."

> "Are you okay?"

Lono: "Sorry. I forgot I have blisters on my hands."

Bastien: "Lono... I'll do it."

Lono: "T-thanks..."

Berrien: "Is it due to the capture team's training?"

Lono: "Yes."

Berrien: "Didn't you practice all day yesterday too…?"

Lono: "Yes, that's true… We usually don't form teams with these members, and the strategy is a bit different. Anyway, we're practicing until the operation goes smoothly… Hmm…"

> “What's wrong?” > “Is something bothering you?”

Lono: "It's just his enthusiasm… Haures seems to be oddly fired up."

Muu: "Isn't Mr. Haures always dedicated to training?"

Lono: "That's true, but... it's totally not the usual Haures."

Bastien: "Indeed... I'm joining in the training to act as the intelligent angel, but… Mr. Haures is acting unusually this time.”

> "Even from Bastien's perspective..."

Lono: "Yeah, something feels off. It's like he's more... intense?”

> "Intense, huh…”

Berrien: "I see…”

Muu: “So Mr. Haures hasn't returned to his usual self… but he looked fine when we watched the training the other day...”

Berrien: “I'm a bit concerned. Um… my lord, would you mind going to watch the capture team's training later?"

> "Sure…” > “I'm curious too”

Berrien: "Thank you very much, my lord."

[Devil's Palace, Backyard]

Haures: "Alright, let's do it from the beginning!”

Trudge… trudge…

Berrien: "They're doing it. Let's watch from a distance here."

> "Yeah, let's"

Muu: "Mr. Haures looks like his usual self, though…"

Haures: "Alright, Bastien! Run!"

Bastien: "Got it."

Dash

Haures: "Boschi! Over there!"

Boschi: "I'm already on it."

Bastien: “Kh…” (I should escape that way next...)

Dash

Haures: "Lamli! Lato! That way!"

Lamli: "I leave it to you, Lato-chi~!"

Lato: "Kufufu... I'm itching to attack. I won't let you escape, Bastien."

Bastien: “Kh…” (Mr. Lato is fast...)

Haures: "We've got him cornered!"

Boschi: "Throw in the towel…”

Bastien: "Kh…!” (I have no choice but to escape that way...)

Dash

Haures: "Now! Lono! Fennesz! Set up the net!"

Lono: "Leave it to me!"

Fennesz: "Alright!"

Bastien: "Whoa!” Thud

Lono: "Alright! We caught you! Bastien!”

Fennesz: "Lono! Fold the net!"

Lono: "Okay! I'll make sure he can't get out of the net!"

Bastien: "Kh…” (I-I'm caught in the net…)

Lamli: "Hooray~! We caught him smoothly!"

Fennesz: "You led him well towards the net."

Haures: "No... it's still not enough. Lono, Fennesz! You were opening the net a bit too early. If you open it too early, there is a high chance that the angel will dodge it. You need to spread the net just one tempo slower."

Fennesz: "O-okay, got it.” (I thought we followed Haures' command correctly...)

Lono: "Yeah..."

Haures: “And Lamli, Lato. You need to be more aware of each other's positions. Too many times you're still moving apart. Watch and imitate the way me and Boschi keep our distance. Understand?”

Lamli: “Roger!”

Lato: “Hmm… It's kind of difficult.”

Haures: “Come on, let's do it again!”

Lamli: “What? A-again? We've been going through the whole thing without a break, though?”

Fennesz: “Maybe we should take a break? Haures?”

Haures: “....No. We don't have much time before the expedition. Right now, we're just going to repeat the training so that our bodies can learn the strategy. We can't afford to miss this chance…”

Boschi: "Hey... Haures. Aren't you hurrying it too much?”

Haures: “I'm not. This is a particularly important mission. I think it's best to practice a little too much.”

Boschi: “Good grief... If you get hurt before the show, what's the point?”

Haures: “That's…”

Boschi: “I'm taking the rest of the day off.”

Trudge… trudge…

Haures: “W-wait! Boschi..! Sigh... Good grief. Boschi, that guy... No choice, let's take a break.”

Lamli: “Hooray~! I'm so beat already~”

Lato: “Hmm.... Maybe I should take a dip.”

Haures: “......”

Fennesz: "Haures, can we talk for a moment?"

Haures: “Hm? What's up? Fennesz.”

Fennesz: “Let's go somewhere a little further away.”

Trudge… trudge…

Haures: “What is it? Fennesz, I'd like to focus on the mission right now…”

Fennesz: "I'm not sure if it's my place to say this, but… aren't you hurrying it too much? Haures, this doesn't seem like you. If we keep this up… just as Boschi said, someone will end up injured.”

Haures: "W-well..."

Fennesz: "I believe the usual Haures... would subject everyone to strict training to prevent injuries. But the current training might be too much, Haures."

Haures: "......"

Prev | All | Next

#main story #*aknk

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v0idwraith · 1 year

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at first i felt a bit odd about ted lasso waiting until its third and possibly final season to include any queer characters, but the more i think about it the more i really like that choice

first of all, if any homophobic dude bros got invested in the show because of football then this would make them think about the fact that characters they’ve grown to know and love are queer. getting that type of audience familiar with a character and then making them queer is important because it forces them to confront the cognitive dissonance of “i like this character, but i don’t like gay people. wait, this character is gay? how are they gay, i liked them” and hopefully makes them actually stop and think about that for a second. homophobes aren’t likely to watch shows that are queer from the start like OFMD, so having some gays show up late in the game once they’ve already gotten invested in a show hopefully makes them more open to whatever message the show is trying to put across.

second, this is probably the safest bet for the show if you look at it from an industry perspective. if they had done this in the second season and the viewing figures had gone down, that would have both hurt their chances of getting renewed for a third season and it would have given the shitheads who insist no one wants to watch shows with gay characters something to point to and say “look! we were right!”. doing this in the (presumably) final season gives them a lot more freedom to do whatever they want. if the viewing figures go down, then who cares? it’s the last season anyway. and if the viewing figures go up (which they probably will), then hooray! it’s good for the TV show and it’s more proof that yes, people do actually want to watch shows with queer characters.

anyway, yeah i have far too many Thoughts about this but that’s all for now

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso season 3 #colin hughes #lgbtq #queer #queer characters

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reasonandempathy · 2 months

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how can you reblog a Zionist post criticizing people who support Palestine for allowing themselves to be harmed in an effort to support Palestine (https://www.tumblr.com/reasonandempathy/743584944850354176/politics-is-fucking-soul-churning-it-really-is) while also seeming to respect Aaron Bushnell, who made the ultimate sacrifice in an effort to support Palestine? is it so unthinkable that people would be willing to act against their own interest to stop a genocide?

TLDR; that post isn't denying people can self-sacrifice to stop a genocide. That post is about taking the broader context into perspective, and remembering that Trump Is Still So Much Worse, so you should vote against him.

-------------------------------------

Was thinking about this one, actually.

Didn't know the person's broader political views until checking them out, and while it's important context for that person individually, but the post at large still, broadly, stands.

There is, undoubtedly, an aspect of political discourse that promotes people who would vote for Biden to stay home or vote for someone not Biden and not Trump, rooted in (to a much lesser extent than Bushnell, who was being compelled to be an active participant) not wanting to be complicit in that genocide.

What I took to be the main thrust of that post was to point out the unfortunately very, very real dynamic of not helping Biden win would, objectively, be worse for everyone including Palestinians if Trump wins. And in a truly, honestly Binary choice between D or R, there is a correct choice to make. It's Biden.

The first few paragraphs of that post are basic "don't be selective with your care." Which is true.

The rape of Israeli women, the Jewish Diaspora, The various tortures and war crimes inflicted by Hamas and the Houthis are not things to be forgotten nor supported. The world is fucking complicated and "Good Guys" are in incredibly short supply, but "Hooray Huthis" is what I'd call an incredibly fraught tightrope to walk.

----------

The main thrust of that post, though, is referring to people who know Trump is worse and have done extensive work broadcasting that Trump is, objectively, Worse for Palestinians. Worse for Women. Worse for the LGBTQ community. Worse for Non-Christians. Worse for BIPOC. It's pretty simple and reasonable to think that if Trump was in the White House he would find some way to be even worse right now than Biden is being.

But they still can't endorse or support Biden. Who is definitely horrible, but also objectively the better of the 2 options we have.

Which is why I said Politics is soul-churning. Because it is. Because, outside of any actual plan to get anyone else into the White House, it is objectively Better for the people I care about.

My fiance.

My friends.

My extended family.

My Neighbors.

My trade union (though I haven't been in it for a few years).

My city.

My values.

It is objectively Better for Biden to be in power than Trump, which, again, is the only realistic alternative to Trump. But it does mean voting for the guy. And, yeah, I'm in NY (not a secret). Maybe I could vote for the Justice Party or the Green Party or something else.

But I can't assume nobody else will do that, and ceding what small influence I have (.000008% of Biden's popular vote in 2020) to actually help people to instead assuage my personal beliefs is putting my comfort over that small, minuscule, but very Real influence in being able to help people.

I...have blood on my hands. (broadly) We all do. I just want to add less to it.

#original content #politics #genocide #israel #ask #personal #trump #biden #2024 election #civics

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silverbirching · 7 months

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7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

Hooray an ask!

So as a preface, most of my stuff is written in first or third-person limited, and generally only from one character's perspective, which makes the choice pretty easy for me.

For my current project, the Shadow and Bone fic, Love is War (And War is Hell) while it is primarily a Wesper fic (which I started specifically because I thought the show's portrayal of the relationship was extremely cute, but not much more), I did want all of the Crows to be viewpoint characters in it. All of the Crows not currently in prison, at any rate. Wasn't a Matthias fan. Sorry, Helnik shippers. I love you just the same.

(Yes, I said all the Crows. Inej will be along at some point, I'm sure. She's a ninja; maybe she's been here the whole time!)

But there are characters very central to the plot (most notably my OC Anyanwu, and Ivan the grouchy couch-surfer) who will not be viewpoint characters, primarily because I want their actions and their characters to be fairly opaque, and I want them to be... incidental to the traumatized young person drama of the core cast.

Viewpoint shifts in ensemble stories can also be very handy for revealing the intrinsic biases and assumptions of the characters, by showing the same thing from a different angle.

I think it's also important to consider the utilitarian value of parking the camera in a given character's head. Some characters really benefit from it; some do not. You lose a lot of mystery when you put the reader in the character's armpit for a chapter.

#ask me stuff #asks #shadow and bone #love is war (and war is hell)#my fics #wesper

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nayruwu · 9 months

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I feel same way about ons as you :') I got into it because of gureshin it's been long since I already lost interest alas. I was wondering what do you think of characters like guren shinoa mika & krul? I really liked them back then but now I'm really disappointed with how author wrote them since past few years & weirdly fandom still tries to act as if nothing wrong with them but "people didn't read correctly"

hello!! :D

i'm sorry that so many others seem to be suffering the same way i am, but it's also a little reassuring. at least we're not alone in our misery.

and i think answering your question will be quite fun!

well guren, obviously i love guren. he's so sad and pathetic and tired and broken he's like a wet cat. the way he loves, the way he does terrible things and hates himself for it but does it anyway because he knows he has no other choice, it's so intriguing and painful. i love it. there's aspects that bother me when reading the novels, like when i cannot for the life of me grasp why he is doing what he's doing, or when he's being an arrogant asshole. but then i read the paragraphs my friends have written about him and love him with my whole heart again. i think they called it blorbo-in-law, that fits it quite well.

but i feel like i need to mention, i totally get why people got so mad with him recently. the way it was handled with the kids just immediately forgiving him again after one word was just... not good. i wasn't kidding when i said i wanted him to be more evil. it was a lot more exciting when him and mahiru first started that "let's betray everyone" stizzle and we weren't sure if he was actually going to harm anyone. it was serious, oh the suspense! now he's just our friend guren again. let him go batshit insane. please. he's not a saint, and he doesn't need to be.

at this point the only one i can trust to truly judge and be mad at him for more than half a panel is shinya. and that's a little odd. also he's currently in eeby deeby.

ohh shinoa! i used to like her a lot. it's only natural, i guess, since she is so similar to shinya. i always thought her to be a less extreme version of him - shinoa was also trained to be numb and hide herself behind jokes and smiles, but she seems to retain more of her emotions than he does. she's scared of dying, she's not much of a killing machine, and she is very much capable of developing actual romantic feelings for someone. wow, shinoa!

now, the problem is the toxic view of love that mahiru drilled into her head, and how the story will adress that, if at all. i don't mind her crush on yuu, it's her proof of not being dead inside or worthless or meant to be alone. but the way she acts on it is quite selfish. she's taking after her sister a little too much for my liking lately. "i will get yuu back, even if i have to kill mikaela to do it", alright miss mini mahiru. chill.

i would very much like someone to drill some sense into her head.

as for mika, he was my favourite for quite some time. i'm afraid i can't speak on him anymore, though, since he's kinda wiggled himself out of my field of interest. younger me would be going insane over his angel self... but now, i actually don't have anything to say about him. he exists. he's a massive scapegoat. i wish we could have seen him bond with shinoa squad.

krul is great solely because she's somehow the only female character who doesn't have a crush on some guy. hooray for vampirism! i don't have that many thoughts on her either, but i do adore her. she treated mika fairly well, she acted against vampire laws, she was more trustworthy than others. and god, that chapter where she was turned into a vampire was so awful, i loved it. more of an ashera-perspective probably, but still! as i've mentioned, i'm not a fan of her and all the black demons having been angels before, so i can't bring myself to look forward to their reunion as much as i used to. but i'd still like to see it.

#luna posting things too early part 73 probably #this was fun to think about! even though i couldn't really come up with much for mika and krul #i hope it's not too little TwT #owari no seraph #seraph of the end #guren ichinose #shinoa hiiragi #krul tepes #hehe i love asks. thank you everyone you are contributing enrichment to my enclosure

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walkawaytall · 1 year

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Fic masterlist

Last updated 2023/12/22.

Thought I’d create a masterlist of my fanfic for future reference. This’ll also include details about posting schedules wherever they apply. Literally everything I write at this point is Original Trilogy Star Wars stuff with a fairly heavy focus on Han/Leia. I’m open to suggestions/prompts, but I make zero promises.

Series

In-progress

Purpose of Heritage ao3 | ffn Currently 16 parts, 143277 words and counting I’ll be honest, I have no idea how many parts this is going to be as I am updating more or less as I write. It’s a tight third-person account of how Leia went from a displaced princess at the end of A New Hope to a legit military leader in The Empire Strikes Back. The angst is strong in this one, but I promise I try to lighten things up every now and again. If you like longer chapters, you’re in luck because these keep clocking in in the 8K-9K range. The next planned update is slated for Friday, December 29, 2023.

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Perspectives ao3 | ffn Currently 3 part, 7048 words

So, this isn't really a series exactly, but I don't know where else to put it. It's a companion piece to Purpose of Heritage, and currently just has the first half of chapter one from Han's POV. The intent is for it to be a landing place for perspectives other than Leia's for select events in Purpose of Heritage, but I have no strict plans for this. It's just going to be updated as I have ideas.

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Untitled Vader Knows About Leia AU Through a series of unfortunate events, Darth Vader discovers that Leia Organa is his child when she's 11 years old. He wants to spend time with her. Bail and Breha allow supervised visits for their own purposes of attempting to get more information about the inner workings of the Empire.

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Complete

Collateral ao3 | ffn 11 parts (10 chapters and an epilogue), 51135 words An Ord Mantell story in which I attempt to answer the question “What is everyone’s damage at the beginning of The Empire Strikes Back?” because everyone (okay, let’s get real, I’m mainly talking about Han and Leia) just existing with that sort of emotional turmoil and vitriol for one another without a concrete cause makes zero sense. Obviously no one has ever done this before. I’m very unique and special. (See? I can make the jokes. But...uh, I legitimately think my take is a solid one? I’m allowed to say that, right?) Also, the epilogue makes this not a total downer, hooray!

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Hearthstide ao3 | ffn 3 parts, 15468 words Life Day is approaching and Leia needs the celebration to be perfect. Han discovers there might be more to her fixation on the holiday than meets the eye. A holiday-themed story about grief, loss, love, and rebuilding.

Written for @yearoftheotpevent - December prompt: holidays together.

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Han Solo/Leia Organa Drabble Collection ao3 | ffn 4 parts, 400 words A collection of drabbles I wrote for Tumblr using prompts chosen from a list by followers. All center on Han Solo/Leia Organa.

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One-Shots

In-progress - titles are subject to change

Working title: Someday A missing scene from Leia's POV set in the holding cell in Cloud City.

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Working title: Macabre Post-war Han and Leia have an unusual way of dealing with some of the trauma they've experienced: creating their own holidays to celebrate every time they should have died and managed not to.

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Complete

Tell Your Sister ao3 | ffn 1731 words Yeah, so I rewatched The Return of the Jedi over Christmas and Anakin’s final words really sunk in and I realized just how heinous they are in context for Leia, so this is me working my baggage with that detail of the film out. It’s loosely from Han’s POV, but focuses on Leia and Luke discussing Anakin’s dying words with Leia reacting in a manner I personally feel is appropriate given the circumstances. It’s meant to be fairly light-hearted. Don’t take it too seriously. But also, even redeemed Anakin Skywalker sucks.

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Fleeting Infatuation ao3 | ffn 1836 words This started because I wrote a scene for Purpose of Heritage that I really like, but I ended up killing the subplot that would lead to it, so I set out to write a one-shot that would lead to it instead, wrote this, and...this doesn’t even include the aforementioned scene. It just turned into its own thing. It’s set during a nebulous Hoth time period. Leia realizes how annoying it is to have a crush on Han Solo. That’s it. That’s the fic.

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Served Cold ao3 | ffn 3216 words Written using the @yearoftheotpevent January 2023 prompt “snow”. Han really hates snow, Leia tries to fix that using questionable methods. Han eventually gets over himself. Mostly fluff, minor angst.

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Presumptuous Man ao3 | ffn 1631 words Written using the @yearoftheotpevent February 2023 prompt "If I kiss you, will you shut up?". Han is concussed during a mission and has made that Leia’s problem. Virtually zero stakes, mostly fluff, I’m 99% sure there is a better ending buried deep in my brain using the repeated phrase “pick your battles”, but I got tired of trying to end this thing, so I called it done.

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Speak Louder ao3 | ffn 1960 words Written using the @yearoftheotpevent March 2023 prompt “acceptance”. Luke has literally never seen Leia and Han apologize to one another, and he doesn’t know how that’s possible. Fluff and minor angst, but mainly fluffy friendship slice-of-life nonsense.

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Reconstitution ao3 | ffn 2067 words Written using the @yearoftheotpevent April 2023 prompt “peace”. This fic has everything: post-ROTJ adjusting-to-post-war-life feelings, Han and Leia taking a painting class together because they both need hobbies, present tense for some reason, a metaphor involving dehydrated rations, a general vibe that I’m going to refer to as “casually poignant angst”. I’m not sure what I did here, but I do actually like it.

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Opportunistic ao3 | ffn 3550 words Written using the @yearoftheotpevent May 2023 prompt "Who are you?" Leia in the moments before freeing Han from carbonite in Jabba's palace. I don't know what this is considered stylistically, but there's angst, there's flashbacks, there's Han Solo almost crying, and there's me, adamant that Leia releasing Han from carbonite the way she did could not have been Plan A or probably even Plan G. Girly went rogue, I swear.

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All The Voices ao3 | ffn 2138 words Post-ROTJ fluff. Pregnancy causes Leia's bad dreams to get worse. The solution? A nighttime routine involving Han telling ridiculous bedtime stories to their unborn child. This is for a Reddit prompt challenge using the trope "Silence, you fool!"

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Spiral Together ao3 | ffn 4666 words Pre-ESB nonsense. Some of the Rogues think that Han and Leia are in a fight and refuse to go on a mission with them until they make up. Which they take it upon themselves to facilitate. By locking them in a room together. Rightfully tagged with "Hoth Turns The Rogues Into Feral Space Raccoons".

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Reactive ao3 | ffn 2405 words So, once I found out that it's canon that the Tantive IV was captured because of a faulty hyperdrive motivator, I have thought about the fact the Leia must have been panicking leaving Hoth. Like, a lot. And as someone who's had more than one panic attack in my moderately short life on this planet, I decided to explore that a bit and this happened. It's a little mushy, but what hurt/comfort fic isn't, amiright?

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Confirmed by Sources Close to the Subject ao3 | ffn 3910 words Written using the @yearoftheotpevent June 2023 prompt: "You aren't what I expected." When Han returns to base with a new biography in hand, Leia is horrified to discover who the subject of the book is. Crack-adjacent, friendship/romance, fluff/angst.

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Fortitude ao3 | ffn 2610 words "I've never done one of those 5+1 Things fics. I should try that." -me, like twenty-four hours ago

Five times Leia Organa lost everything and one time she didn't.

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Nemesis ao3 | ffn 2688 words Everyone thinks Wilhuff Tarkin is exaggerating when he calls Princess Leia Organa his nemesis, but soon he'll have proof that she isn't what she presents herself to be.

So, awhile ago, I made this Tumblr post that imagined a world in which Wilhuff Tarkin declared a teenage girl his nemesis à la Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock, and then madame_alexandra commented specifically referencing the episode of 30 Rock called "Game Over", and five weeks later, my brain created this.

This is the dumbest thing I have ever written.

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Terrified Without You ao3 | ffn 6818 words Han and Leia end up stuck in a crevasse together on Hoth after being in an argument about...well, Leia can't remember what exactly. With no way out and comms not working, all they can do is sit, wait, and try to survive.

Vague Hoth-era time period. Pre-The Empire Strikes Back.

Written for the @yearoftheotpevent - July prompt: Stars.

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Every Version of You ao3 | ffn 2872 words Leia prepares herself for the aftermath of revealing her parentage to Han. My take on the Leia Tells Han About Vader conversation that must've happened post-ROTJ. It's mushy, it's angsty, it's all the things it's supposed to be, I think.

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So, Now I Have to Destroy Them ao3 | ffn 3766 words Han Solo wasn't invited to join in a game of Bounty Hunter -- not that he cares. But everything changes when a certain princess asks for aid during the final hours of the game.

Vague Hoth time period when people aren't yelling at each other.

Written for the @yearoftheotpevent - August prompt: “You’re The Only One I Could Turn To For Help”.

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Brief Shadow ao3 | ffn 764 words Shortly before the move to a brand new base, Leia grieves.

Written for Han/Leia Appreciation Week 2023 Day One prompts: Anniversary/Memory.

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A Billion Ways to Die in Space ao3 | ffn 994 words When Leia's mission runs late, Han worries.

Written for Han/Leia Appreciation Week 2023 Day Two prompt: Reunion.

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Theories ao3 | ffn 1415 words Reeling from the escape from Hoth, Leia considers the possible reasons Han has decided to leave the Alliance. AUish I guess because I headcanon that Han and Leia's first kiss definitely happened before that one in the circuitry bay.

Written for Han/Leia Appreciation Week 2023 Day Three prompt: Rescue.

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The Short Stick ao3 | ffn 4985 words I started thinking about Main Character Syndrome and how, in so many pieces of fiction involving episodic adventures, it has got to be exhausting for the non-main-characters to just exist alongside these people, so I wrote a fic from the perspective of a character who barely knows Han, Leia, and Chewie as she’s forced to accompany them on a supply run featuring a definitely-not-Alliance-approved sidequest. This is all during Bickering URT Hoth Days and is written from the perspective of a character who technically exists in canon but has very little established about her in general (Samoc Farr).

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Far Too Violently, Far Too Long ao3 | ffn 7329 words Leia keeps a journal of letters to Han while he is frozen in carbonite. Later on, Han finds it.

Written for @yearoftheotpevent - September prompt: "I wrote this for you."

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Entirely Shattered ao3 | ffn 983 words So, thanks to this Tumblr post, I noticed for the first time ever that someone appears to be working on top of the Millennium Falcon while Leia is handing out orders right before the Battle of Hoth and also said someone appears to stop what they're doing to watch her as she speaks before starting their work up again. So. Uh. This is that moment. And making it fit a prompt required a bit of stretching, but I feel like it still works :D.

A vignette written for @yearoftheotpevent - October prompt: Lightning.

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Intentions ao3 | ffn 3635 words Luke pulls the brother card when asking about Han's intentions with Leia. A lot of irritated ridiculousness ensues. This started as a sort of twist on the interpretation of a "meeting the family" prompt, but I don't know what it is now.

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Just Tauntauns ao3 | ffn 4799 words Princess Leia has hidden on a closed Millennium Falcon with Han Solo three days in a row while Echo Base is in lockdown. The Rogues are obsessed with what this may or may not mean, and Wes Janson takes it upon himself to dig up the truth.

Absolute Echo Base nonsense. If you want to get picky, this is technically canon divergent, though no one can prove it didn't happen.

Written for @yearoftheotpevent - November prompt: Secret relationship (reveal)

#author: WalkAwayTall #fanfiction #fanfiction masterlist #masterlist #star wars #star wars fanfiction #star wars fanfic #star wars oneshot #hanleia #han x leia #hanleia fanfic #leia organa #leia organa fanfic #ao3 #ao3 author #fanfiction.net #my fic

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breannasfluff · 1 year

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Hi!! I'm back, just sharing I read your last post on AO3 (the neighbor? Smth like that? The one with Bolson and Wild) and I like it a lot!! It's interesting hearing things from the perspective of a citizen (? I guess you could say) and in it It makes me wonder like, according to Bolson, Wild didn't even said hi but makes me wonder how much did wild showed Bolson but he didn't understood (cuz he ain't half feral but still) and other thing it's like, I love how Bolson was like: does anyone what's this wild feral child? No? Okey, he's my child now, like xd Bolson causally just stocking Wild up with fresher groceries and stuff, that's sweet of him (and also love how Wild trusts him too! Maybe Bolson didn't realize but letting him touch the slate?? Or also literally leaving the slate with him? That's such a sign of trust!) Anyway, I like it a lot (OH AND ALSO when Bolson gave him new clothes and Wild was so happy!! He is such a cutie) 🩷🩷🩷🩷

Ahhh you’re back! Hooray!! Yes, it was The Neighbor!

Bolson and Wild had such an interesting relationship! That was earlier in Wild’s journey; he slowly got better at interacting and responding to people (partially because of Bolson!)

Wild might have signaled a hello with body language! Or he might have marked Bolson out as “not a threat” and then promptly ignored him 😅

Bolson does take him in like his own chick, as far as he can. He’s impressed the kid bought the house and more than a little interested in the how and why. And then seeing Wild show up covered in monster blood periodically and nesting in a blanket on the floor, he felt like he had to step in for both of them.

Wild doesn’t mind, he’s gotten used to Bolson and it’s one of the few people labeled as “safe” at this point. His collection of people will expand, but here’s a Hylian who really cares less how he acts!

YES the slate was very much a sign of trust!!! Wild normally has a death grip on that thing and prying it away is impossible. It’s rare for him to share it with others. Bolson realized it a little, but probably not how deep Wild’s trust in him went. They are good boys ☺️

Wild deserves some comfy clothes! I’m sure Bolson is going to keep sneaking him other things too, and taking pride as Wild grows and learns.

Curious if you had a chance to read Time’s chapter of Ranch Ruins yet?

As always, thank you for the ask 💜💜

#asks #linked moments #the neighbor #my writing #Lu wild #botw

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thatseventiesbitch · 1 year

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Hey, don't know if anyone has messaged about this but there's an early draft of the 90s show pilot online. Here are some pulls from it that might be interesting (this is about to be long, sorry): First, the pilot is an hour long, it's mostly just that the existing scenes are longer. Second, the show starts with Leia and Eric in the car to Red and Kitty's house. The characterisation of Leia is different. She's more openly rebellious, already wearing a magnet nose ring - in this pilot she doesn't get it from Gwen - and she's more of a classic stroppy teenage type around Eric. Also there is no Donna, don't know if that's something to do with not having Laura Prepon on board yet but she's just mentioned as being in Florida visiting Grandpa Bob. Eric's stuff is kept the same but Donna is swapped out in certain scenes for either Kitty or Red. Nikki is called Nisha. Its established that Leia, Gwen and Ozzie are 14. Nikki and Jay are 15 and Nate is 16. Gwen is introduced as singing along to Seether by Veruca Salt, a cooler more 90s choice than Alanis Morissette I would argue. Nate is described as a Johnny Knoxville type and Ozzie calls him a 'future inmate' - they must have changed direction with his character maybe when the tone of the show became more comedic. Nikki is explicitly more of a Jackie analog, she's described as preppy and has dialogue that underlines she's in honor society, that she's lying to her parents about where she is when she's with Nate and at one point she tells Nate not to call her 'baby' because it diminishes her. Leia is supposed to be going to basketball camp not space camp. Kitty makes a joke that in her day if a girl played basketball people thought they were a lesbian. (An interesting explicit reference to sexuality for all the shippers out there). The Jackie/Kelso scene is pretty much beat for beat the same. There's a moment where Jay tries to flirt with Leia in the Runck basement and grabs a hot pipe and ends up screaming, physical comedy stuff. Gwen is a little closer to Hyde but only a little. There's a moment where she encourages Leia to go out of her comfort zone, Nikki accuses her of being like a coke dealer from an after school special and Gwen says that's what she's going for. A fun detail is that Jay has a camcorder and we see footage from the perspective of the camera, so it's shot old school 90s. The scene of Leia trying to get the tap for the keg is longer and features all the kids doing a shot for shot remake of "been caught stealing". When they get the keg, Jay 'gives Leia a quick kiss' and she throws up on Nikki's Keds. There's a moment of all of the kids in the Runck basement with the keg singing Hip Hop Hooray filmed through Jay's camera. Ozzie, Nikki and Gwen are the focus, each rapping a verse into the camera. There's no circle in the pilot at all, it ends with all the kids in the Foreman basement, finding the weed and Nate saying he's never leaving. All in all it looks like in becoming a half hour, going to Netflix and finding the actors they did, a lot of changes happened. But I think some interesting stuff established in this pilot is probably still how the writers will be thinking about these characters and could be interesting in the future. I hope they let Jay have a camcorder in season 2, I loved that detail. Hope you find this interesting.

Thanks for the ask!

I did know about the leaked Pilot script, but I have not actually read it. I've heard about several of those details before, but several of them were new to me. Thanks for sharing!

It's interesting that at one point the show was conceived as being one hour long.

I'm definitely glad Leia's characterization was changed, personally, and that Donna was written in (and that Laura Prepon is involved as much as she is).

I agree with you about Jay. He was also described in some promo materials as "always having a camera" and "constantly filming his friends", so that definitely feels like it was supposed to be part of his characterization. I'd love to see it developed more in season 2.

Curious to hear what others think of some of these details. Thanks for sharing, anon!

#That 90s Show #That '90s Show #T90S #Behind the Scenes #T90S Behind the Scenes #ask #answered #anon

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triflesandparsnips · 2 years

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A brief follow-up re: this shit right here

Am I using another gif of the exact same scene just so I can watch it again from a slightly different artistic perspective? Yes, absolutely.

Since posting my feral feels regarding this scene in OFMD, I've seen rather a lot of reactions, and to be absolutely clear holy shit I love everyone in this bar & grill.

I would like to break down the reactions, though, and provide some additional commentary because it turns out I have EVEN MORE FEELINGS.

1. "My heart, my eyes, I'm screaming, I'm gnawing wood" and variations thereof

Amazing, no notes.

2. "Now that Stede knows he loves Ed, his Game will become Too Powerful"

I feel it's important to state that the beauty of this moment is only possible because

"On-Purpose Queer-Coded Language To Identify Each Other Safely"

and

"I'm Gonna Be Real Careful With My Wording Because I Like Pretty Things But I Don't Need Broken Ribs Today"

are often indistinguishable in the moment. To Ed? Stede has just done an elegant bit of coded communication. (THERE WAS A HANKY FOR FUCKS' SAKE.) It's part of why he goes in for a kiss-- and then promptly does a quick slide into a homosocially acceptable bro-punch when Stede doesn't immediately lean in too. Ed's still doing safety checks, and he'll continue doing them for several more episodes, but he's definitely added at least one tick mark -- possibly the first tick mark -- in his mental "does Stede do ~dalliances" tally sheet.

To Stede, though? He got to Be Himself and he did it Right so Hooray he didn't get his Face Caved In. While my dude needs to take some time to consider why it's so important to him that he Be Himself around This Particular Guy in This Particular Way, he is definitely not reading from the same set of notes as Ed. His mental tally sheet? Is still labeled "is this a Friend y/n." Because in Stede's past even trying to form friendships ended up with verbal abuse and weirdly sexualized violence so, like, Stede has a VERY different starting point than Ed on this one.

(And tbh, I think @kohlrabisabi's reply to the original post really hits a lot of this well. Stede is absolutely just… doing an extension of his own learned "safe" behavior and it HAPPENS to correspond with what Ed "knows" safe behavior like that "means." From a queer narrative point of view it doesn't particularly matter that Stede does in fact turn out to be in love with Ed-- he still betrayed the shared language that was supposed to finally make it safe for Ed to believe there was an Understanding between them, and therefore the fact that Stede didn't show up at the dock isn't just heartbreaking, it's an actively traumatic experience for Ed as a queer man.)

(The flip side of this is that it's not particularly fair of Ed to depend entirely on The Secret Code of Gay to interpret Stede's full thoughts on this extremely life altering situation, and perhaps spending five goddamn minutes just talking openly and making sure everyone's on the same page would've saved us all a lot of toes, okay.)

ALL THIS TO SAY: Lol no, if Stede tries to woo Ed now, it's going to be awkward straight-guy courtship outta manuals because that's what he thinks you're supposed to do, it'll be amazingly awful and I cannot fucking wait. We'll only see our slow and coded queer seduction vibes when Stede is, once again, trying not to get stabbed by Blackbeard.

3. "How does a television show do this, how is All This Meaning done by thirty people in a clown car driven by HBO"

The queer experience is nonetheless the human experience; we've been humans for a long time and our stories tend to repeat a lot. Also, all art is collaborative, and the audience is doing the bulk of the heavy lifting when engaging with any work of art -- therefore it's not thirty people in a clown car, it's millions of people collectively recognizing a shared/lived experience as accurate within our own contexts and imbuing it with yet further meaning because our ability to do so has neither directly nor indirectly been contradicted by the narrative.

tl;dr: Magic.

#in hanky code yes Stede is theoretically telling Ed he wants to get fistfucked super hard if Ed is also into that thanks #I realize that's a little unfair to leave in the tags #but oh no guess you'll have to write a fic about it to punish me #oh nooooo #not that #our flag means death #ofmd #meta #stede bonnet #edward teach #ed teach #queer narratives #moonlight scene #homophobia #and all the traumas that come from living in a homophobic world

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anxietyjedi · 2 years

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Taking Back Happiness

Hooray, my first post here gets to be about something good. Well, it will get good, but first there's quite a bit of backstory to get through in order to help people understand the perspective. I will preface this with to some this may not seem like such a big deal, but on a personal level this is huge and ever since I finally realized what I had done I've felt fantastic! So, to start, I had a fairly happy childhood. A Mom, a Dad, a little brother, and pretty much had it good as far as life at home. In terms of quality of life, things weren't bad; cable TV, air conditioners in every bedroom (which growing up in Southern California, that was a premium thing to have in the summertime), and so on. Through childhood I was developing a taste for things that I both liked and disliked, and as with most people I would have an inclination to do the things I liked more and the things that I disliked as least often as possible.

I mention likes and dislikes because a lot of that sets up the meat and potatoes of this whole thing. Anyway, moving right along, living in Southern California had the advantage of the "Happiest Place on Earth" being right there in Anaheim. Given that, I did manage to go there every once in a good while and just like many before me enjoyed the experience. Mostly. When it was my parents, my brother, and I going it was always great; we spent time together as a family having fun and establishing memories that would last a lifetime. Pretty standard fare, right? Believe it or not there were times when I really did not find a whole lot of happiness at the "Happiest Place on Earth". Every couple of years my relatives on my Mom's side of the family would come in from out of town for Christmas, staying with us to save money, yadda, yadda, yadda. Part of that was taking a trip to the "Happiest Place on Earth", and going with them was anything but happy. You see, I learned pretty quickly that I hated the sensation of dropping. I know, for some it is a thrilling feeling to experience but for me at the time it was horrible. The sensation of dropping felt as though the world had fallen out from under me. Being of an age to voice my absolute displeasure of that feeling, I made it known that I did not like it. It didn't do any good. The first few times I would protest I would eventually give in. I hated it. As I got older I would push back a little bit longer, and that's when things got not-so-happy at the "Happiest Place on Earth". I can still recall their below the belt comments like "Oh, they're looking for a bribe" like I was some kind of spoiled brat. I wasn't holding anybody back, I wasn't saying "Let's not do this" just "I don't want to do this", but it didn't matter. Me not wanting to do something that I had an absolute dislike of somehow made them so unhappy that they had to make me miserable. Then I would hear about it for the rest of the day, once again at no point did I demand that nobody do it, just that I not do it. That's it. As I got older, reaching an age where I could look after myself I would continue to try and find a way to get out of it. At the age of 15, and being six feet tall, I really had to argue in my defense over something that they could do without me but for some reason it was SO important that I go despite how miserable of an experience it was for me. Of course all of their bullish behavior resulted in them cutting in line for one of the rides, being called out by the people who were cut in front of and I being a teenager decided I had enough. I didn't want to go, even more so if we were cutting in line. It didn't matter how much I argued, they absolutely wanted me to go. I still didn't understand what was so important about me going. It turned into such an argument that I could no longer find happiness at the "Happiest Place on Earth". Imagine that. Something that makes people happy no longer making you happy in the slightest because you had so much negativity wrapped around it.

If that was the only time I had ever experienced their negative behavior, that would be one thing. That was not the case. At the age of 16 my parents separated and I ended up moving to the state where these relatives were from. Over time they demanded I change one thing or another about me. I've been an avid user of sentence enhancers (see "swear words") since late elementary school, at the very latest early middle school, but I've always made a point to curb it around my parents and relatives by watering it down. Instead of "bullshit" I would say "BS", as an example. I guess that was too much because I got a lecture about choosing a better way to express myself, ugh. Then, a conversation involving an elderly relatives care had come up, or the lack of care would be more accurate. This conversation was happening right in front of me, with no preface that I was not to take part. I offered one comment. Just one. "That's messed up" is all I said, and holy shit you'd think I demanded the sacrifice of a first born child. They, as they usually would gang up on one person like a pack of wolves and pretty much verbally beat them into submission. In this instance, I was met with a chorus of "Sit down, shut up, and stay out of it". So even though it was regarding a relative, I couldn't say anything. If you haven't figured it out by now, I do not carry a relationship with them at all. I tolerate them, but only for the sake of my Mom. That's it. In simple terms, it's like I've been in a Cold War with them since 1999. I don't really interact with them, if they start the interaction I'll be cordial but it stops not long after because I don't care to keep it going. The aforementioned examples are just a few in an exceedingly long list.

This last week I took a trip to Southern California where I had time to think about a few things. For the first time ever I was able to come to terms with what really happened. Emotional abuse. Since I was in Southern California I decided to take the opportunity to go back to the "Happiest Place on Earth", this time on my terms and alone. I wanted to see if maybe I could find happiness again. I woke up early, made the drive there, and no sooner did I cross into the park did I find myself thinking back on happy memories. I could literally feel the emotions welling up as I took in the atmosphere as I thought back to seeing the various costumed characters, hearing the music play, and everything else. I set out doing the things I wanted to do, and didn't do anything that I didn't want to do. I got to enjoy things, experience things as I wanted, and before I knew it I realized something very important.

All of the happiness that they had taken from me, I was taking it back. All of the snide remarks, all of the hurtful comments, none of it mattered anymore. I took my happiness back! Not only that, but I knew that they would never take it from me ever again. For the entire day it was the "Happiest Place on Earth" again. I know that to some this may not seem like a big deal, but for me it was a momentous occasion. Taking back happiness can feel empowering.

#personal #taking back happiness

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wyuhing · 3 months

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hi i'm wong yuhing

but u can just call me yu (please please PLEASE)

this post will double as my accepted portfolio btw but uh hi

i'm an animation student at seneca college (1st year as of posting) and i decided to make this to log my progress because um, yes.

im like really bad at communicating (like. awful) so i hope you don’t mind (your honor, i plead anxiety)

anyway. portfolio. here u are (almost everything is hand-drawn)

hand drawings

you have no idea how long it took to learn the anatomical parts of the hand. i learned how knuckles were formed

they will teach you this in 1st semester life drawing. the construction of bones in the body, that is. you will finally learn where the metacarpals and are how to get carpal tunnel

i kind of don’t know what else to say

interior drawings

okay i actually do know what to say and it’s that perspective is king. obviously yes it needs to be yknow. a bedroom. with stuff in it. but what they’re looking for is not detail, it’s perspective. if you have a lot of stuff but your perspective is all wrong, that’s not it

like are these lines all going to a vanishing point? are all these objects and furniture sized to scale? that’s what they are looking for, and you will learn Interior Layout Made Easy(TM) in 1st sem. exterior and nature scenes is a 2nd sem thing (and also what i am working on as of posting lol).

it took so many tries to make this bedroom look nice… and they aren’t even from opposite corners lmAO

object drawings

also a structural thing, which you actually learn in layout in 1st sem. actually you can boil down every single object in existence to a series of either a rectangular prism or a cylinder and i am not joking

is this object structurally sound? does the object have form, does it adhere to the vanishing points (that are realistically super far apart)? stuff like that

draw any one object per day i promise you it’s an amazing structural exercise. im SO serious.

figure drawings

idk if you should be asking me about figure drawings i barely got out of 1st sem with my life and a 60 but yeah i don’t think they care what kind of figures they are (like 1m gestures, or 20m poses). the ones i drew were both 15m but uh.

for gestures as you may know. they want the gesture. course it had to be relatively proportionate but they want the life in life drawing. movement, form! good line quality! which you will all learn in 1st sem and actually form is a big thing in 2nd sem too.

also by the end you will be able to know every single bone in the body, you will know where the greater tricantor is and how to draw a pelvis.

but please don’t ask me about life drawing i barely survived that class

personal art

wow i hit the photo limit hooray! anyway, i did yet another interior design. why? im gonna be fr w u i just really like drawing backgrounds LOL- of course it’s messed up in all the wrong places but you will know how to fix this in 1st sem. they teach you all the fundies in 1st sem

my other was character design and tbh i cooked up smth random and let it sit. it’s also my only digital piece. really wish i added color but i was on a time crunch at the time.

o by the way you will also learn how to color and render in 2nd sem, i have a 73 in that class idk how i’m still alive.

so yeah that’s my accepted portfolio yayyyy!!!

your honor i plead neurodivergency i don’t know how to end a tumblr post

#wyh tales #seneca animation #seneca college #art #art portfolio

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speenach · 11 months

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life update: wellbutrin (aka bupropion) will lower your seizure threshold, all right!

🎶 'cause karma is my boyfriend! karma is a god, karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend karma's a relaxing thought ...

What is karma?

according to ideapod.com, "Karma is a Sanskrit word meaning 'action.' It refers to a cycle of cause-and-effect that is an important concept in many Eastern Religions, particularly Hinduism and Buddhism. ... it means that the steps of your life, your spiritual development, and your personality are directly molded by your thoughts and actions. Present you affects future you." i hope i'm not too far off, but this lil article does remind me of the way that i think my friend with the relevant knowledge explained it to me sometime in the past decade. unsurprisingly, the song "Karma" might simplify this a little; but even if it doesn't really, 100% accurately represent what karma is, spiritually, it's my favorite Taylor Swift song of the moment. arguably the best on Midnights.

spider boy, king of thieves weave your little webs of opacity my panties* made your crown. trick me once, trick me twice don't you know that cash ain't the only price? it's coming back, around.

*it's actually "pennies," but -- excuse me? 👑 listen to this song and try to tell me you don't hear "panties." or just try to tell me it doesn't make the better lyric. try to tell me that it doesn't fit Taylor's chest voice. try to ignore the harmonies in, "i keep my side of the street clee-ean. you wouldn't know what i mean." tell me this isn't one of the best songs to cat-walk in the airport to. try to keep it out of my karaoke-ing mouth this summer. i dare you.

speaking of airports and causes and effects and summer -- eek! i was supposed to visit Ireland and the UK this past week (only Northern Ireland is part of the UK, fun fact!?). my boyfriend (my actual one, Ben, not the concept) was taking me overseas for his college roommate's wedding. it was going to be very cute! and maybe even nudged me to think more seriously about marriage -- an institution i've resisted since growing up with its politicization, a thing that could maybe actually be practical if i wasn't so worried about the aesthetics of my own fucking personal life being twisted into talking points for the right. fuck them, fuck JK Rowling, fuck bisexual erasure, fuck transphobia, fuck off.

if this sounds disorganized, it's because it is! it's because i want to convey something about the state that my brain apparently reached for me to have my first seizure on thurs, may 11, DURING A LAYOVER IN VIRGINIA, HOORAY!

sorry, the rest of this post might be upsetting for various reasons. content warning for:

expanding on aforementioned seizure & another the next day

psychosis

medical bills from the ER(s) lol

babbling — this isn't really a warning as much as it is a qualification: since i do have some (small) degree of control over who can find me on instagram, and this is likely too long to go viral organically — if you're reading this, it’s prob because i posted it or sent it to you, or it was shared by someone whom i trust with the decision to share. something happened to me last week, and, if this tumblr blog is going to be what i wanted it to be when i wrote my inaugural post in january, it's the place for me to explain what happened from my perspective. i want the people in my life to know. i also, just, can't imagine calling people up just to be like... "hey i had a medical emergency but i'm okay." idk, i want to have my whole-ass say on it. you gotta read the taylor swift lyrics first.

all right, so, right before we left for the airport, i had a meeting with my dissertation advisor about the chapter i've been struggling with for the whole school year. i was so anxious i hadn't slept the night before, even after staying up all of monday night, too, revising the most recent draft. i also smoke a lot of weed, but it couldn't help me sleep this time. instead -- and i say this with some degree of expertise/professionalism -- i must have had something like a psychotic break. i had sent my advisor about twice as many pages as he was expecting, and i literally could not believe it when he told me that what he'd read so far sounded good. i told him i felt like a delusion of grandeur was coming true. and, after that, there was a moment where i literally thought he was reading my mind or speaking to me in code or something. it was weird. i was weird.

for the rest of my waking hours, until my first seizure, i thought i'd unlocked some secret of the universe. overwhelmed by the body language of hundreds of traveling strangers around us, i seriously thought i could read people's minds, too, or at least Ben's. normal airport stuff happened, our flight kept getting pushed back, waiting was miserable; in addition to convincing myself i was reading Ben's mind, i concluded that the only logical explanation for everything was that the internet must be down, like, universally, and/or everyone's collective consciousness was going through something like Opposite Day. ... again, i was weird. but, at this point, it seemed like i just badly needed some sleep. i also kept randomly singing the chorus to “anti-hero.”

sweet like honey, karma is a cat purring in my lap, 'cause it loves me

our flight got pushed back so late that our airline put us up in a "quality inn" for thursday night. my grand mal happened during the lyft ride there, which royally freaked out our driver and pushed Ben over a mental cliff from "my girlfriend's acting weird" to "my girlfriend might die." after sleeping through a $4000 ER visit that i don't remember, that my family and i have to figure out how to pay $2000 for lol, i passed all the psych tests to be discharged. we had a short connecting flight just for me to have the same delusions and another seizure during our layover in new jersey, right around the time our Ireland flight was finally canceled. don't ask me how much the second ER visit was because i don't know yet! friday night, i slept in a hospital bed in a hallway, before i remember getting some scrubs and an actual room for the rest of the weekend. no pillow, though -- just two sheets. i was pretty confused and upset after the first couple times i woke up there and still couldn't pass the psych checks until sunday. but obviously i eventually did, Ben came to get me, and we finally flew home monday.

it's actually kind of funny. it's okay, my home doctor laughed at me, too, when i saw her on wednesday; i am a clinical vignette. like, classic psych case. girl with depression and anxiety misses too much sleep, smokes too much weed, has seizure risk factors, and seizes. (i also wasn’t eating enough, surprise). among other things, i'm on prozac and wellbutrin but am better about the latter, because i associate the former with heartburn, and i get the impression that i can actually feel when the latter works. doc and i decided to halve my wellbutrin dose, at least until i see my therapist and psychiatrist on tuesday, and i'm on a THC/tolerance break. i'm tired from over/writing this, but that's what happened!

karma is the thunder rattling your ground karma's on your scent like a bounty hunter karma's gonna track you down, step by step from town to town. sweet like justice, karma is a queen...

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