#homestuck caliborn x reader
Note
Can we get a Calliope + Caliborn alphabet :>
Welcome back to I am one of the only two people who write for them.
Yandere Alphabet - Calliope + Caliborn
Pairing: Attempted Matesprit❤️/Caliginous♠️
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Violence, Biting, Marking, Possessive behavior, Delusional behavior, Kidnapping, Manipulation, Toxic relationships, Isolation, Jealousy, Death/Murder, Minor swearing, Blood, Sadism, Clingy behavior, Brief stalking mention, Forced relationship.
Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?
Calliope: Calliope is certainly the nicer Cherub. She sees your “relationship” like a fantasy/fairytale. She's incredibly affectionate, or at least tries to be due to how Cherubs work.
She is intense because she ends up suffocating. She seems too sweet for her own good and it overwhelms you. She shows her affection in traditional ways, wanting the bond between you to work like it does in her fanfictions. She means well… but she just doesn't seem to understand red relationships with either humans or trolls (Cherubs can only experience romance through caliginous pairs.)
Caliborn: Caliborn is the worst out of the two. He treats his obsession rougher and with more aggression/violence. He certainly brings out more caliginous feelings when it comes to you.
It's almost like he's trying to get you to hate him, even if it's not in the Cherub way. He's just naturally, for lack of a better term, an asshole. He's possessive and not as “fluffy” as Calliope when it comes to affection. He is more intense as in he focuses most of his obsession on the rougher side. He'd be more into things like marking/biting while Calliope is more into things like setting up cute dates.
Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?
Calliope: She tries not to use any violence around you, but she'll find ways to get rid of those she doesn't like.
Caliborn: Messy, extremely messy. He doesn't mind blood, he doesn't care if you see him covered in blood, he likes the feeling. He isn't going to be soft and manipulate those he hates away. He wants them gone! Dead!
Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?
Calliope: With extreme kindness. She doesn't want her obsession to fear her. She doesn't mock you and often calls you affectionate nicknames. She uses her obsession to try and experience what red love would be like… if she could properly express it-
Caliborn: The opposite to Calliope, as expected of Caliborn. He's possessive, cruel, and mean. He doesn't bother with attempting to feel red emotions for you, it's lewd. Instead… he opts to have you experience more caliginous feelings. He mocks you, drawing out your hate to taunt/tease you and to entertain himself.
Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?
Calliope: Oh, she tries not to! Although, due to her delusional behavior she may accidentally force you into something for her fantasies.
Caliborn: Yes… just, yes. He isn't as attentive to your emotions as Calliope and that's just putting it lightly.
Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?
Calliope: A lot. Calliope is actually quite vulnerable around you. She's also open about her feelings when rambling to you.
Caliborn: Not a lot. He isn't vulnerable, he isn't open about his attraction to you, it's hard to tell what he's feeling.
Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?
Calliope: Upset, disappointed, probably nearly in tears. You're meant to be perfect together, stop!
Caliborn: Excited! Oh, so now you're openly showing you hate him!? How bold of you!
Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?
Calliope: No and she doesn't.
Caliborn: Yes and definitely!
Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?
Calliope: There aren't many with her as she isn't the sadistic one. However, I'd say her abduction of you and her overbearing fantasies are the worst of it.
Caliborn: Contrary to Calliope, it's hard to choose when it comes to Caliborn. His whole obsession is pretty bad. I'd say whenever he is particularly violent, like murder or biting/clawing you.
Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?
Calliope: She has it all written down! Every little fantasy she has about you is what she wants to do with you. She feels like she's intending to project the fanfictions she wrote about you onto you. So that's what she has in mind with you, she thinks this is how a relationship with you should work!
In reality, you're just a doll.
Caliborn: You're also a toy to Caliborn, one he intends to break and put back together, only to do it all over again. He intends to taunt and tease, making your life hard. After all… he feels you belong to him as his toy!
No one else's….
Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?
Calliope: Yes and she tries to find ways to cope, which mostly includes clinging to you.
Caliborn: Yes and will lash out, most likely at those around you but you may also get some issues from him about it. Mostly ranting and raving about how you're his. Maybe also a tantrum.
Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?
Calliope: Affectionate, clingy, manipulative, obsessive, delusional…. Calliope acts like she's in her own little world with you. She's so obsessed with you to the point she accidentally ignores your own wants and needs. Calliope means well but she is certainly overwhelming and overbearing.
Caliborn: Cruel, mean, clingy, manipulative, possessive, ruthless…. Caliborn is a menace towards you. His motives are unclear but he has some sort of care about you. Enough care to be possessive and kidnap you, at least. He bites, taunts, overall just does everything he can to make you hate him. He likes it this way.
Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?
Calliope: She keeps it traditional. Gifts, hugs, kisses, dates, what you'd expect from a date. She's nervous at first but quickly ends up fangirling over you. She may stalk but she mostly likes to remain close.
Right up until she finds a way to trap you as hers.
Caliborn: Once he has you in his sights he can be cruel. He's cruel to others, like Dirk, but much more cruel to you because of the obsession he has. He likes the feeling of it, he likes that he's the one triggering such intense emotions in you.
He likes your hate the most….
He does everything he can to cultivate the hate within you and makes you only feel it towards him. He wants that attention all on him. Right up until he kidnaps you.
Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?
Calliope: Yes, mostly.
Caliborn: No.
Naughty: How would they punish their darling?
Calliope: Isolation, restraints, guilt tripping. She doesn't want to hurt you!
Caliborn: Biting, marking, restraints, things along the lines of that.
Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?
Calliope: She thinks she isn't taking many, but she might be.
Caliborn: A lot.
Patience: How patient are they with their darling?
Calliope: Moderate patience.
Caliborn: Impatient.
Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?
Calliope: No, she'd be devastated.
Caliborn: You'd think yes, in fact he'd even say yes, yet you keep worming your way into his head. It frustrates him but he can't move on from you even when he tries.
Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?
Calliope: A little but no.
Caliborn: No and no.
Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?
Calliope: Curiosity.
Caliborn: His nature.
Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?
Calliope: Extremely upset, she tries to comfort you.
Caliborn: Delighted! He loves those intense emotions he causes.
Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?
Calliope: Not really, less violent I suppose.
Caliborn: Yes, feeds off violence/hate instead of care.
Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?
Calliope: None, too delusional.
Caliborn: None, too possessive.
Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?
Calliope: Not intentionally!
Caliborn: Unfortunately, yes.
Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?
Calliope: She'll do anything for you to have you like her. She isn't really a worship yandere but would go to great lengths to try and have a bond with you.
Caliborn: Not a worship yandere but would destroy planets to have you (Fitting….).
Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?
Calliope: Not very long. Months?
Caliborn: Not very long. Months.
Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?
Calliope: Unintentionally.
Caliborn: Yes.
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Hey! Idk what characters u do and don't write for in homestuck, but could u do some general basis hcs of what dating Caliborn would be like??? /nf
🍄: i write for a lot of them but there’s so many that i forget which ones i don’t write for ;-; lol but all trolls and all humans. uhh platonic mayor! i’m more of a Calliope lover but ill write Caliborn for you nonny uwu
Dating Caliborn Headcanons: 
honestly everybody is kind of surprised with this relationship/matespritship
but Caliborn takes and claims and does as he wants with his time
He saw you and knew he had to keep you
if this is what trolls mean by flushed feelings, then it’s not as perverted as he thought. maybe it’s closer to the human definition of love that isn’t as disgusting as trolls relationship norms
Calliope tries to warn you about her brother but it sort of falls on deaf ears
whether you believe he’ll protect you throughout the games or not. it doesn’t feel like you have a choice in the relationship
yes Caliborn is impatient and condescending at times. but he’s consistent and he worships you in a way that’s confusing
He’ll yap about how disgusting love is and how it’s perverse but you? oh how you make love seem innocent and pure
you’re not rlly sure what you do either for him to perceive you that way
but seeing he looks up to Dirk. you already know/assume his morals are skewed
you do eventually settle or fall in this relationship
yes he’s loud and obnoxious
but he’s your loud and obnoxious cherub that you cherish
gift giving is his weakest suit. quality time is number one.
what’s the greatest gift in the world? his existence ofc
sometimes you’re disappointed in his choices and he takes that personal and gets hot n cold towards you
it ends up under the rug.
a relationship with caliborn somehows becomes codependent and only more so after he murders his sister. whether you know that or not
despite his “insufferable personality” Caliborn makes his games nice and easy for you
he lets you win a lot only because he likes you and maybe also bc he kinda sucks lowkey
that’s one of the things you enjoy in this relationship, are the games
if you think of something in that brilliant mind of yours, he’ll incorporate it into a game of some sort
it’s nice bc it reminds you he does pay attention to you, just in his own ways
he draws you a lot. tell him it’s good
your little place with him is full of good horrendous art of you
he isn’t big on physical touch. loves cuddles tho
especially when you’re reading to him
you think that’s the most he’ll be quiet
when it’s reading time
overall confusing relationship dynamic that others don’t understand but you get it and that’s all that matters
#caliborn#homestuck#homestuck imagines#homestuck headcannons#caliborn x reader#caliborn headcanons#🍄 writing
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hhh can't see the dates on the post but if u r still here - can i get some caliborn x reader hcs? yeah, i'm over here in 2022 going like "hear me out"
-☁️
Cloud Anon, I don't know if you're still out there but this is for you. I got a little carried away with this. What can I say, Caliborn's fun to write.
This is apart of the Caliborn redemption AU I had going on I guess. Enjoy!
Caliborn x Reader Hcs!
The two of you met when he had messaged you. Calling you and your friends crude names and drawing “lewd” pictures. Unlike your friends, you decided to humor this “undyingUmbrage.”
Through many stubborn chat logs, you’ve learned that his name is Caliborn and that he’s pretty insufferable. Somehow, you looked past his unsavory behaviors and continued to chat with him.
Caliborn’s messages started as mean spirited and almost cruel. After some time of chatting and playing the game, it almost seemed like he started to mellow out.
Fast forwarding through sburb shenanigans, you’ve ascended to god tier. The final fight is drawing near. Caliborn had stopped pestering you a bit ago. He claims that there’s something he must finish. You’ve collected your belongings and prepared to fight.
Suddenly, a light flashes behind you. Red gears click together as a figure begins to form. A grating voice laughs. “Finally, the Lord makes his appearance!”
Caliborn joined you in fighting, though he claimed it was purely for his enjoyment. Once the game has been won and Earth C has been created, everyone begins to find their place.
On Earth C, everyone had each other, living arrangements were made easy. Though, with everything Caliborn had done, he had nowhere to go. Against your mind’s logical side and your friends’ warnings, you decided to let Caliborn stay with you.
In the beginning, he was terrible to live with. He couldn’t keep a job, he never cleaned up after himself, and he was incredibly rude.
He seemed to walk all over you with pride. Though one night, you couldn’t take it anymore. Never in the years of knowing the cherub did you ever express anger towards him. To hear you yell at him and be angry, something changed in Caliborn.
Waking up the next morning, your house had been cleaned up. It wasn’t perfectly tidy but it looked like you were the only one to live there. Upon asking Caliborn about it, he brushed you off.
“As if I’d do anything for your pleasure. You can pleasure yourself for all I care. Why are you laughing?! No! Not like that! It was a figurative speech!”
After that, he never really seemed to leave you alone. When going out, he’d always walk next to you. He takes any seat available near you. He’s even started eating meals with you.
One day, you were hanging out with Dirk and he had a few questions.
“So, when’s Caliborn taking you out on a date?”
“Why would we go on a date?”
“Are you two not dating?”
From that day, you’ve begun to look at Caliborn's actions differently. Before you had the chance to ask about his behavior, he had barged into your room. Not saying a word, he threw a bundle of crumpled flowers and a crudely drawn card at you, followed by him slamming the door shut.
Seems like you’ll have to be the one to take him on a date.
And now a few Redrom headcanons:
Caliborn claims to hate affection. However, you don’t miss the times when he sits so close that your thighs touch. He also has an affinity for climbing into your bed late at night. Don’t question him about it though, he will get snappy.
He’s pretty short as a cherub, coming up to under your shoulders. He does like being carried around, though only in the privacy of your own home. That’s a bit too risque for his tastes.
He finds the concept of kissing weird and gross. In place he’ll bonk his head into your body.
Hair is something that intrigues Caliborn. If you let him, he’ll mess with yours for hours. Though he is quite heavy handed.
Caliborn is prone to jealousy. Old habits die hard, he’s not above threatening peoples’ lives. But he's kinda working on it.
If you wish to hold him, introduce it slowly. Most affectionate gestures are completely lost on him.
#homestuck x reader#homestuck imagines#homestuck headcanons#homestuck#caliborn x reader#caliborn#homestuck scenarios#self ship#x reader
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🫐🫐🫐((((Hey all!!! This is my first actual post on Tumblr, I’ve mainly used it to see fanart, fanfics and such AND because of my hoe @hazardgrrrrlll. She has great reposts you should check her out😝🫶🏻. ANYWAYYY I thought I’d post some of my fics on here and see how they do since I’ve mainly been using Wattpad!! Here’s a dumb ass Caliborn x Reader fic I made that no one asked for.))))🫐🫐🫐
If y’all end up liking this I’ll post more!!!!
Partners in Crime
((Caliborn x Reader))
How we had met? I don't particularly recall, I just remember quite a bit of bickering and snarky comments in the beginning, which slowly subsided to less of that within time, which I became thankful for.
how I had ended up here- I had no clue at all.
Ever since I had met Caliborn, we've seemed to almost click, and that's surprising- because we're the type of people who don't just "click" with others- more so him so, I guessed I was special.
"Uh? Hello? It's your fucking turn slut."
He mouthed off to me, loosing his temper as he waved his hands frantically in front of my face. He seemed to dislike me always drifting off but, as I don't blame him, sometimes I honestly can't help it- I just space out.
I snapped back into reality.
"Sorry Caliborn-" I looked down to the chess board- avoiding eye contact. I moved one of my knights. "And- yet again- I will forgive you- because- " he stopped for a second, as if he was contemplating something, " because- I feel like it. Besides- you're the only one who'll actually play chess with me anymore- and ugh don't even get me started on my sister- that bit-"
I put a finger just above his lips. " I get it. You don't have to explain. You've told me."
Caliborn nodded calmly, looking me in the eyes as he slowly shifted his glance back to the board. He moved one of his pawns which knocked yet another of of my bishops down. He had most of my pieces. He was awful well at the game, even though sometimes he would cheat, as far as I've seen, he hasn't cheated at a game with me in awhile. That was odd. But, I didn't complain. A sound arouse from his laptop. "Probably that whore Dirk." He smirked, "I'm going to have to pause our game for a little-"
I rolled my eyes smiling, he was such a dork when it came to Dirk and drawing each other sexual pictures. As Caliborn read what was on the screen his smirk slowly turned to a scowl, he turned his head to face me quickly. "We need to find a way of getting me out of here. I need to get this fucking chain off." He dangled his leg infront of me, exposing the metal cuff on his ankle. "I honestly might just have to fucking bite it off." He responded, straight faced. I backed away slowly- not wanting him to lash out at me, he seemed to be in an angered state of mind. I didn't want any trouble.
" Caliborn...are you entirely sure? Can't you bleed to death?? I could always try to get it off-"
"No- no- we've tried. nothing gets this damned thing off and you know it (y/n)
." He turned to the corner of the room, "now, if you'll excuse me, I'd highly recommend you don't watch this. We know what a sensitive bitch you are. " I went to the outside of the house, waiting for him, my heart beating out of my chest. Caliborn was my only friend here, he was the only person I really knew here, the thought of him dying or getting hurt overwhelmed me, but, as always, I was probably over reacting. At least that's what Caliborn tells me. I mostly just go along with whatever he says.
————————————————————-
I felt as if things were nearly peaking to the bridge of insanity as I saw Caliborn emerge from the house, walking towards me, AK 47 in hand. I was stunned. His leg appeared to be torn off and replaced with a metal artifical one. It was impressive, yet frightening. "y- you look- hot." I croaked out- nearly making any sense.
Caliborn perked up from his usual scowl which slowly turned into a smirk. " well," he arched his back, " of course your lord is what you would refer to as... h o t." I looked him up and down, making sure he was alright, my mind wouldn't rest until I've over analyzed mostly everything. I came to realize one of his fangs were missing.
I raised an eyebrow, but, I kept my mouth shut, I didn't say a word. I assumed he must of lost his tooth from the tremendous bite he'd just taken. Although I didn't agree much at all with the decision he had just made, I had to admit, I wanted to get out of here just as bad if not more than he wanted to. Of course you might ask, if that was the case, why didn't I just leave? Simple. I had nowhere else to go. Let alone did I know where to go.
Caliborn was all I had in all definite honesty. He's all I knew, I mean, aside from his sister Calliope, but she disappeared quite a while ago. I had no idea where she went, neither did Caliborn, obviously, he didn't care. He just wanted her dead. That was that, and nothing in this world could change that. I've tried multiple times trying to change his views, they're not changing anytime soon.
Caliborn slid his gun sideways behind my back, he pushed me along forward with it. "come on bitch, we're getting the fuck out of here." He chuckled, instructing me to follow him. I nodded in agreement, as I tagged along with him. his hands gripped his gun tightly, keeping it near his chest, as if something were out to harm us. His breathing became heavy, he suddenly tensed up.
I was rather confused being that there was no one there. As we began to move further and further away from the home step by step I saw a clown like person with horns. Caliborn immediately aimed his gun at the clown like person, rage roared inside him. Or was that fear? I could barely tell.
#caliborn#calibornxreader#homestuck#homestuck fanfic#homestuck fanfiction#gamzee makara#caliborn x reader
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Fanfiction and Headcanons Masterpost
On today's list of my impulsive acts, a masterpost/masterlist of my writting stuff. probs gonna pin this and edit it regularly so that yall can know what to expect.
Update: I'm adding a DNI cuz I'm afraid of the internet after coming back and leaving Twitter, and also think it is worth putting some important info on my boundaries.
Writting requests: Open
Drawing Requests: Open
DNI
LGBTQIAphobic, Racist, Misogynist, Ableists, basically prejudiced people in general
Non-traumagenic Systems.
Proshippers!!!
Danganronpa/Omori heavy accounts (personal reasons)
If you romanticize abuse of any kind!!!!
Caliborn (Homestuck) kinnie
Pro-israel!!!
My boundaries
Im okay with NSFW accounts following me as long as it is stated in the Bio and has nsfw tagged.
I draw self insert x canon and my OCS x canon. I will always tag in case someone doesn't like dupes or sharing.
I will write/draw heavy gorey, graphic violence and slightly suggestive stuff besides the normal angst, romantic, platonic, fluff and those common things of such.
I will write heavier topics, but with respect to the topics and with due research, so it may take me some while.
I WONT write/draw problematic stuff such as incest, pedophilia and non con stuff. In writting i may briefly mention past SA or abuse BUT I WON'T WRITE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS WITH CHARACTERS
It is a 50/50 chance of if I will write/draw yandere stuff. I am not the biggest fan of it, but if I do write it, don't expect anything romanticized, the characters will be portrayed as bad people.
I will ONLY write Ortho Shroud and Sally Williams as platonic. Same with Plushtrap, BB, JJ, DeeDee, Gregory and Casey from FNAF.
Fandoms I draw/write for: Homestuck (no epilogues or HS^2), Hiveswap, Creepypasta, Osomatsu-san, Madness Combat, Five Nights at Freddy's, Twisted Wonderland, The Amazing Digital Circus.
What I write/draw: OcxCanon (MUTUALS ONLY), CanonxCanon, ReaderxCanon, solo characters, general headcanons, aus.
If there is anything not clear, send me an ask or DM and I'll explain things to the best of my abilities
Masterlist for written works
CREEPYPASTA / SLENDERVERSE
My slendermanor au infodump
Neurodivergent headcanons with creepyppasta pt. 1
My Creepypasta AUs in general
Creepypastas soft spots
Creepypastas with an S/O that does SH
Tim/Masky with a super tall Reader
Jupiter Volkomenn x Tim Wright
The Proxies x Reader who is like Lady Dimitrescu
Tim Wright with Hanahaki disease x reader
X Virus x Biology Nerd Reader
Genuine - X Virus x Assistant Eri
Birthday Wish - X Virus x Assistant Eri
Jason the Toymaker x ADHD Reader
Jason the Toymaker x Chosen One Reader
FNAF
Monty with a Sick S/O
Monty conforting a heartbroken Reader
HOMESTUCK
Humanstuck Infodump +family dynamics
Pale Cronus x Porrim headcanon
TWISTED WONDERLAND
Jamil Viper x Yumi Yozakura - unusual surprise
Riddle Rosehearts x Nene Damseletta - Tea for Two
Vil Schoenheit x Idia Shroud Headcanons
Jamil Viper x Yumi Yozakura - Lunchbreak Talk
Vil Schoenheit x Trey Clover - Hidden Quirks (Headcanons)
NRC Staff with a Blue Point Siamese chaotic cat
Leona Kingscholar x Reader - Purring
Leona Kingscholar x Marina Havik - Post-Game Praises (Headcanons)
#masterpost#masterlist#creepypasta fanfic#fnaf fanfic#homestuck headcanons#creepypasta headcanons#homestuck#hiveswap#osomatsu-san#madness combat#creepypasta#fnaf#twisted wonderland#twst fanfic#twst#disney twst#twst wonderland
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HIII! I wanted to say that I'm a new-ish writer, and I'm gonna be opening requests here!
All of them will be posted to my AO3 account as well [linked here, though it will probably be blank until I get some requests in.]
Rules n regulations:
I will not EVER do any noncon, underage, yandere, abuse, or anything of the sort. I will also not touch weird kinks (ddlg, pet play, etc.) write it yourself, weirdos.
The only time I will ever write about children is in a parent/familial affection type way. (PLEASE request some familial stuff omg its so fun)
I only write for Homestuck and Hiveswap.
Feel free to include very specific prompts and requests!! It usually makes things easier for me
I will not write for your ocs (oc x reader or x cannon isn't my style).
Please specify if you want a fic (short story) or headcanons (list of things characters would do, etc.) and keep in mind that fics will take longer!
I will not write for:
Doc scratch
Caliborn
Any characters that we don't know much about in canon (eg: Dammek, Trizza).
The prospitians, dersites, or consorts (except hanging out with the mayor bc he rules).
Minor notes:
Please include quadrant details in your request if you don't want a human-style all-quad romance!
I'm not available 24/7! I'm in high school, so I may not read your requests right away.
I have a bad habit of posting here and not my main 😭 please disregard when I do that
If your request makes me uncomfortable, I will not do it, plain and simple.
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Hello There! I’m Maid/Mod of Time (MoT for short) and I’ve decided to start writing Homestuck x Reader stuff!
Requests: Closed
Inbox: 5
Masterlist
——————
General request rules
> No Incest, Pedophilia, Noncon, etc.
> No NSFW
> If you can please be specific with requests, I’m new to writing x reader stuff
> You can ask for specific quadrants, I may not be the best at it tho since I’m pretty new to Homestuck [finished reading August 28th]
> Currently will only be doing Headcanons, don’t feel confident with scenarios atm
> Please take into note that I am a minor
> I will also write for familial/platonic stuff (it will be labeled “+ reader” instead of “x reader”)
——————
Characters I won’t write for
Humans:
> Dirk/Bro
> Jake
> Basically any of the Adults lmao
Trolls:
> Literally all of the Pre-Scratch Trolls
> Gamzee
> Equius
> Vriska
Other:
> Calliope or Caliborn
> any Prospitions/Dersites unless it’s Platonic Mayor because he rocks
——————
That should be about it, I apologize if I don’t get to your request immediately!
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for kinktober how about caliborn being a "chubby appreciator" he is canonically
KinkTober Day 26: Chubby Appreciation with Caliborn
You shifted in bed for a few seconds before sitting up. You stretched your arms above your head and yawned before pulling them back down and looking around the room. Your eyes followed the shapes of the furniture in the messy room you shared with Caliborn, and when you looked to the door of the bed, your eyes landed on him.
He wasn't facing you, instead being hunched over his desk. You could see his arm moving, and you assumed that he was drawing. You continued looking through the room, more bored than anything else, and when you looked back to Caliborn, he was standing up and facing you.
He walked to you, with a smile on his face. It wasn't his usual smirk though, so you were unsure of whether you should be afraid or not. He climbed up onto the bed, and you froze in place when he snaked his arms around you. You could feel him gently running his hands over your clothes with surprisingly light touches. He would occasionally touch you more roughly, but it would be rare, and only for a couple of seconds.
You felt him place his head into your shoulder, pressing his face against the cloth as if he wanted it to swallow him and keep him close to you. You relaxed slightly, trying to let your guard down and hoping that he was actually trying to be nice, as rare as it was He moved his head away after a few more seconds, before completely prying his body off of yours. He stood up at the foot of the bed and held both of his hands out to you.
You hesitated for a second before grabbing them, and you used his hands for stability and support as you stood up. He pulled you closer to him again for a second, firmly hugging your body, before releasing you once more and reaching towards the hem of your shirt. He pulled it off before you had the chance to complain, and once it was on the floor, he moved his hands back to your waist. You could feel him running his hands over your soft skin, and when you looked at his face, he didn't seem to be as malicious as usual.
He moved his hands to your chest, still gently touching it. You felt him run his hands along it, lightly brushing his thumbs against the skin. He continued to gently caress your skin with his hands for a few more seconds, when you felt him lower his mouth to your chest. You could feel his lips press against your pillowy chest, and you could feel as he began to kiss it even more, sometimes lightly sucking or nipping at the skin. He pulled away to watch his hands more, placing them back onto you, right below your chest.
You could feel his nails trailing along wherever he touched with the pads of his fingers, and he slightly indented your skin with his finger tips. You heard him let out a light sigh as he lovingly traced shapes over your plush skin. He started to trace your curves and rolls out with the palms of his hands, still acting in a way that was uncharacteristically soft and almost kind, even. His hands slowly trailed their way down to the hem of your pants, gently squishing your skin periodically before they got there.
He unbuttoned them and pulled them off of you, and your whole body tensed up. You tried to calm yourself down, and convince yourself that he was going to be nice. It was incredibly difficult, but you eventually managed to calm yourself down most of the way. He pulled your underwear off afterwards, gently lowering the fabric down your large legs, not being shy about letting his hand touch the skin of your thigh slightly the whole way down.
After you were completely naked, he let you get back on the bed, and followed closely behind. He got on top of you, and continued to touch your skin and kiss it, starting at your chest again. He slowly moved down to your stomach, gently kissing and resting his head against the soft, pillowy skin there. His hands continued to slowly roam your body, carefully feeling the fat that was dispersed over your body.
He pulled his head away, and sat up, pulling his hands away as well. You let out a slight whine, and he just smiled at you. You held eye contact with him, a pleading expression on your face, but our of the corner of your eye, you saw him moving his hands down lower to your skin, and you could feel him starting to touch you again. You let out a slight gasp that faded into a slight moan at the location of it.
He used one of his hands to pleasure you, and used the other one to touch the rest of your body, trying to get you worked up even further. After a few minutes of just touching you with his hands, he leaned over your body again, still using his left hand to touch and pleasure your crotch. You closed your eyes in pleasure, and you felt his lips press against your skin again, this time starting on your stomach. He kissed his way down your stomach, straight down to your groin.
He moved his hand away, and replaced it with his mouth. He moved his hands to rest on your thighs, and began to lick and suck at you. You moved your hands to his head, trying to get him to move the way you wanted him to. He continued to do this, you could feel him squishing your thighs with his hands as he sucked and licked at your genitals. You could feel yourself cumming, and he continued to lick until you were finished.
He pulled away, leaving one last gentle and sweet kiss on your most sensitive area of skin before he did so. He led you into the bathroom, and opened the shower to let you get in. You did, and as you washed yourself, you wondered what had caused Caliborn's seemingly sudden change in heart, with the way he treats you. You realized that you hadn't done much to act against him recently, and you wondered if that was the reason, or just one reason.
You heard Caliborn enter the room again though, so you got out of the shower. He had a towel for you, as well as a pair of pajamas. You dried off and got into your pajamas. You followed him back into the bedroom, where he stood next to the bed. You glanced at him quizzically, before getting onto the bed and sitting down. You got ready to lay down again when you felt Caliborn crawl into the bed after you and place his head in your soft lap. You let out a light sigh, and instead started gently petting his head.
#kinktober 2021#yandere kinktober#kinktober#yandere#homestuck#yandere homestuck#hs#caliborn#homestuck caliborn#yandere caliborn#caliborn x reader#smut#x reader#chubby Appreciation#yandere caliborn x reader#homestuck caliborn x reader#fat appreciation#fat admiration#chub admiration
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Alright so I have a zero idea if this will be successful but I’m going to request a Caliborn x Reader if that’s alright? You can legitimately do this from any point in the timeline that tickles your fancy, and the only specifics is that the reader is smaller than him? Thanks for reading mod team and hope y’all have a great day! ☺️
❤ He will give you shit for being smaller than him, because he's an asshole, he's so happy to be taller than someone, it makes him feel manly, secretly he thinks you're disgustingly adorable but good luck ever making him admit that, (He attempts to carry you and you two fall).
⛎ He shares his drawings with you! He wants to impress you with his awesome art skills, it's basically his way of wooing you at first, now he just wants to share his interests with you.
💀 I feel like fights with him are bound to happen unless you're really patient, he doesn't actually apologize, but after he's done throwing a tantrum, he commands you to talk to him, he might even draw something for you as a apology, it's the best you will get from him.
❤ He will bitch to you about his sister, or anything else that's bothering him, he tells you about his awesome plans of world domination, or some silly nonsense he's into, he's secretly happy if you actually listen to him.
⛎ No one else really wants to hang out with him, so he basically always clinging to you, even before you two started dating, now he considers you his, and he's gonna be annoying you all the time.
💀 He likes to play all kinds of game with you, mostly he makes the games up himself, but if you manage to make him interest into some earth game, he will ask you to teach him some more, you now his official game buddy.
❤ Gets super flustered at any type of affection, you're gonna have to start things slowly with him, he actually thinks hand holding is lewd, when he's feeling especially brave he might give actually hold you hand! And immediately blush like a school girl after, and call you a pervert for liking that.
⛎ Don't even get me started on things like dates, or kissing, his ideia of a date is either destroying stuff, or playing another one of his games, he probably reads something about dates on his mangas, and proceds to try and recreate it in real life, it doesn't go as well as planned but at least he's trying.
💀 He doesn't even have lips, he will end up biting you as an attempt to kiss, his way of kissing is just nuzzling his mouth into your face, it's actually kinda cute when he's not doing it aggressively but don't tell him that.
#this was kinda hard to write bc i cant really imagine Caliborn being in a red relationship or not being completely awful#i did my best to not make his oc tho#its a selfship blog anyways who cares#homestuck x reader#mod Damara#homestuck headcanons#homestuck imagines#homestuck#caliborn#caliborn x reader
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Can you do cuddling headcanons for Dirk and Caliborn? (separately)
of course, of course. here you go!
DIRK AND CALIBORN CUDDLES
DIRK
♥Dirk is REALLY really touch starved.
♥So, to keep it quite simple: He needs cuddles. Bad.
♥He finds them so welcoming and soothing, he can’t help it!
♥But the thing with him is he’s a bit too shy to ask for them from you.
♥However, he’ll take them whenever he can get them.
CALIBORN
⛎Oh he’s the opposite of Dirk here.
⛎Yes, he is touch starved,
⛎But Caliborn here isn’t too shy to ask for them.
⛎ In fact, he’s so dramatic and “demands” them.
⛎Not that you mind giving.
#homestuck#homestuck x reader#homestuck headcanons#alpha kids#alpha kid headcanons#alpha kids x reader#cherub#cherub headcanons#cherub x reader#cherub x reader headcanons#homestuck dirk#dirk strider#dirk strider headcanons#dirk strider homestuck#dirk strider x reader#caliborn#caliborn x reader#caliborn headcanons#caliborn x reader headcanons
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Hey, I wasn't able to be here for the request period, so may I request some calliope and caliborn hcs?
-🎭 anon
Ohh... my weakness- Of course I can! I'd love to write for them in the future too so here's my ideas on them (As there isn't much content for them, probably due to their nature as I learned when writing this.)
Allow me to indulge in brainrot ;p Your anon name makes sense! Hope it's long enough-
Yandere! Calliope + Caliborn Concept
Pairing: Flushed❤️/Pitch♠️ (Hard to categorize when it comes to Cherubs)
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Rivalry, Jealousy, Delusional behavior, Stalking, Manipulation, Clingy behavior, Sadism, OOC Cherubs at times, Possessive behavior, Mentions of "NSFW" (not actually, it is to Caliborn), Restraints mention, Forced relationship.
These two are the complete opposites of each other.
Yet they both also share similarities, such as a passion for drawing and delusional.
They're both intense for two different reasons.
Calliope is overbearing and delusional while Caliborn is sadistic and overbearing (along with delusional).
The two would be an issue to be around be them sharing the same body or separate.
For this I'll focus on them both separated.
Let's start with Calliope.
Calliope is certainly the nicer of the two.
She's delusional and often fantasizes about you.
Calliope is very passionate about her obsession.
She'd write fanfiction and create drawings of you and her Trollsona.
Calliope struggles with her obsession as her kind only really feels pitched for others.
Despite this... when she meets you she can't help but pour all her fantasies onto paper.
She hides things away from you for now but she certainly has a stash.
Calliope would be clingy with you and very delusional with her views.
When she sees you she clouds her vision with the fantasies she's created about you and her.
She believes you already love her and simply haven't said anything.
Even if you told her you don't like her she still uses her fantasies to stay all cheery.
Calliope would rarely wish to leave your side.
She's obsessive and often wants to try more flushed things with you.
Her kind is incapable of reproducing in such a way but she tries to mimic it with you.
Oh she really does wish she was a troll...
That way even if you were human you and her could properly have a relationship.
She'll probably follow you around everywhere to note new things down for her fanfiction and art.
Calliope would soon even show you all the work she made of you and her to show how she feels.
She loves you and hopes you'll see the adoration she has for you an accept her!
Even if she can't quite feel flushed, she would at least like to try friendship and go from there!
Then there's Caliborn.
Completely different from Calliope.
The idea of being flushed or even friends to him is naughty to him.
As a result, he'd be harsher with you.
He likes to put you through sadistic games.
Caliborn likes to make you hate him, often playing with your emotions to see your reaction.
He sticks closer to the Cherub's Pitch relationship behavior.
He's clever and arrogant, often teasing you just to mess with you.
Caliborn is much more possessive and a bit less delusional than Calliope.
Caliborn sees your little "relationship" as a game and you as a toy.
He's certainly the darker yandere of the two.
He's threatening at times and sometimes uses flushed behavior to "torment" you.
It's not very tormenting to you, everything else he does is though.
Despite the fact Caliborn wants you to "hate" him, he doesn't want you to leave him.
In fact, he won't let you leave him.
He plans to shadow you just like Calliope in a clingy fashion.
In fact, Caliborn loves to be dramatic around you, often mocking you at times just to have you express your hatred for him.
Caliborn also gives you art, but it's of... questionable quality.
Seriously, you have no idea what he gave you.
He claims it's NSFW but you have... no idea-
Calliope is someone who wants to experienced flushed feelings for you while Caliborn falls more into pitched.
When they're one body it's chaotic but somewhat easy to manage.
You can tell who's active by their cheek and eye colors.
When green you expect to be smothered by affection, when red you expect to be toyed with for your emotions.
They never want you speaking about the other.
When Calliope is active she expresses distaste and irritation at Caliborn's name, asking as politely as she can that you don't utter it.
She shows more annoyance when she sees you crying or upset because of what Caliborn did.
Caliborn hates you mentioning his "sister", wanting you to focus on him.
Trying to make him jealous, are you? Don't bring her up. He may just make things worse.
When the two are in separate bodies things get worse.
Now the two are fighting each other in an attempt to garner your attention.
You're flooded with mixed messages and views and odd gifts.
Calliope wants you to love and pay attention to her while Caliborn wants you to focus on hating him.
It often becomes Calliope trying to keep Caliborn away from you in fear he'll harm you while Caliborn doesn't want Calliope taking his "toy".
The two may come up with the idea of "cuffing" you to them.
If they're a singular body then you'll have a cuff on your wrist attaching to them.
Then you're essentially forced to play along.
If they're separate?
Both hands are cuffed to a different cherub... and your even more stuck.
Calliope and Caliborn express the two different behaviors a yandere can have.
Smothering/affectionate... and cruel/destructive.
Together the two may be bearable.
You may be able to deal with them if there's balance.
Yet alone they're just as bad as one another.
They're intense, obsessive, and bad to be around.
You'll either be smothered by affection or swallowed by an overwhelming hatred.
This is what makes the cherubs interesting to write.
They're both two extremes.
There's no sharing when it comes to them either.
They'll fight and argue because they both want you.
The two will keep tugging and pulling at you for your attention... all because they want you to themselves...
Up until you break, one way or another.
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I was fiddling with that Calliope post for a few days in my drafts, but combined with what I've been repeating recently about "Caliborn's paradigm" I wonder if the point of classpect is to be interpreted?
obviously the aspects are symbols for fundamental concepts, and the point of a fundamental concept is whittling it down into something more real via interpretation (which is something we see in the comic, with Vriska thinking of Light as luck versus Rose thinking of fortune more in terms of fate)...
I suppose it could be argued that classes are the interpretations of the aspects, i.e. a Seer of Light inherently interprets "Light" differently to how a Thief of Light interprets it, but I think there's a level of fundamentality to a class as well. they represent fictional archetypes moreso than RPG classes (RPG classes themselves tend to represent archetypes of folkloric hero, but Sburb's classes take that a step or two further and, as such, a step or two more abstract); it's something I've only lightly touched upon before, but essentially, like the aspects, the classes are ideas that are open to interpretation by their very nature; while the platonically ideal concept of a "Prince" does exist out there, each individual Prince from each individual story is a totally different iteration, a different "interpretation" of the idea of a Prince.
I guess this is roundaboutly similar to the popular existing theory that each class is defined by a kind of keyword; the Prince and Bard are "destroyers", but it's up to interpretation what exactly that entails (as Calliope puts it, a destroyer of x is "one who destroys x, or caUses destrUction throUgh x"). in the same vein, Thieves and Rogues are "stealers", and so on; one major discipline of classpecting seems to be the scholarship of figuring out what the "keyword" is for every class pair.
but even that I find to be a bit too specific. because while Calliope certainly might interpret a Prince as a destroyer based on her observations of various Princes, in Caliborn's paradigm Prince is likely to mean something completely different. to Caliborn, there are "LOWLY PAGE[S]" and Lords whose "NOBILITY IS MANIFEST". he interprets classes as their literal meanings, the way Dirk thinks of a Prince as someone who "rule[s] over [their aspect] in a pompous, regal manner"; a way of thinking made manifest in the position of Princes in relation to Maids and Pages in Alternian society. because of course the opposite side of the "Homestuck characters are the audience" coin is that "Homestuck characters are the author". in the same way Calliope's interpretations of the classes are "true" because they line up with observable fact, Caliborn's interpretation of the classes is made true when he gains control over the narrative and is able to skew the reader's very ability to observe the facts. in Caliborn's own words, "IF I BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH [...] THEN THAT FACT BECOMES ABSOLUTELY INDISPUTABLE AS A PERMANENT MAN REALITY."
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ahhh thank you for writing my caliborn request its wonderful!!!!! the cherubs means so much to me. do you mind another request for this gremlin?? i would love some headcanons about what kind of life caliborn might have on Earth C if he managed to /somehow/ chill a bit. (perhaps caliborn staying just for dirk and reader?)
Oh my the cherubs are two of my favorite characters, hence the admin name. And writing for them is a pleasure. I could definitely write a part two of this I have so many things to write. I hope you enjoy! Alsoifyoudontmindilovinglydubyoucherubanon
⛎Caliborn living on Earth C with his s/o⛎
⛎ Everyone rejoice for the death game is over! And in a shocking turn of events Caliborn had joined you to win the game
⛎ Listen he didn’t want to the last thing he would do is join the pink muppets- okay okay he joined because he did not want to spend the rest of his power driven eternity alone
⛎ Now on Earth C, he has mellowed out slightly with you and Dirks guidance. No more women hating remarks or that many murderous tendencies
⛎ Yet he still does not like his sister if you would like to hang out with Roxy he would prefer it if she came over to your shared apartment
⛎ Yes that is right I said shared apartment. The two of you live together in a decently spacious apartment
⛎ He does like to follow you around like a lost puppy. Where you goes he goes
⛎ Caliborn has also given working at a job a chance. 15 different rejected interviews, you having to rewrite his resume for him, lots of getting fired over yelling at customers and stealing merchandise, and almost clocking someone in the head with a cash register, Caliborn had finally found a job he could tolerate
⛎ It was anime/gaming shop. It was quite small yet busy enough for Caliborn to make a decent amount of money. Dirk frequents the place to check in on Caliborn and because he gets a probably legal I tolerate you discount
⛎ The two of you have sacred movie night that not even Dirk is invited to. It is specifically for you guys and he gets grumpy if its crashed. His tastes in movies is awful but it makes him happy so you enjoy it too
#homestuck x reader#homestuck#caliborn x reader#caliborn#homestuck headcanons#homestuck scenarios#homestuck imagines#Self Insert#self ship#x reader
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Masterlist Polyamour
Homestuck
Yandere--stuck:
Yandere!Jane x Reader x Yandere!Jake Headcanons
Yandere!Roxy x Reader x Yandere!Dirk Headcanons
Yandere!Dave x Anxious!Depressed!Reader x Yandere!Jake Headcanons
Yandere!Dirk x Anxious!Supportive!Reader x Yandere!Jake
Yandere!Karkat x Reader x Yandere!Nepeta Drabble
Yanyan-stuck:
Yandere!John x Reader x Yandere!Karkat Headcanons
Yandere!Gamzee x Reader x Yandere!Karkat Headcanons NSFW
KinkTober Day 16: Double Penetration with John Egbert and Karkat Vantas
Yandere!Kanaya x Reader x Yandere!Rose Drabble
Yandere!Dirk x Reader x Yandere!Hal Headcanons Ashen
Yandere!Dirk x Reader x Yandere!Jake x Yandere!Hal Headcanons
Yandere!Dirk x Reader x Yandere!Dave Headcanons
Yandere!Dirk x Reader x Yandere!Dave Oneshot
Yandere!Vriska x Reader x Yandere!Terezi Headcanons
Yandere!Dave x Reader x Yandere!Terezi Headcanons
Yandere!Aradia x Reader x Yandere!Sollux Headcanons
Yandere!Aradia x Reader x Yandere!Sollux Oneshot
Yandere!Feferi x Reader x Yandere!Eridan Headcanons
Yandere!Dirk x Reader x Yandere!Caliborn Headcanons NSFW
Yandere!Dirk x Reader x Yandere!Caliborn Dabble NSFW
Yandere!Calliope x Reader x Yandere!Caliborn Headcanons
Yandere!Calliope x Reader x Yandere!Caliborn Headcanons NSFW
Yandere!Karkat x Reader x Yandere!John x Yandere!Dave Headcanons
Yandere!Dualscar x Reader Yandere!Darkleer x Yandere!GHB Headcanons Pale
Hiveswap
Yandere--stuck:
Yandere!Tyzias x Reader x Yandere!Stelsa Headcanons
Yandere!Tagora x Auspitice!Reader x Yandere!Galekh Drabble
Yandere!Tagora x Auspitice!Reader x Yandere!Galekh NSFW Drabble
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Fun Jade/Rose Facts (Well... facts.)
Note: These facts are divided between “In-Comic” (Everything from Page 1 of Homestuck (A young man stands in his bedroom...) to page 8128 (The End) and “The Credits” (Pages 8129-8130). If I update this after the Epilogue, we’ll... cross that bridge when we get there.
In-Comic Jade/Rose Facts
Jade and Rose have only five conversations in the entire comic.
1 2 3 4 (2 pages) 5 (2 pages)
Conversation #4 is repeated. We see it first from Jade’s POV, then from Rose’s.
The number of conversations goes up to six if you count GrimBark Jade saying “Bark” and “Hey guys long time no see” to the assembled group in Act 6 Intermission 5 - but since Rose says nothing back, I am not counting this as a conversation.
You may do so if you wish.
After removing dialogue tags (like “TT”) and Pesterlog archival data (“ceased pestering” etc), their shortest conversation is their fourth at 80 words long.
Their longest one-on-one conversation is their third at 571 words long.
Their longest conversation is their fifth. It features Doc Scratch, and runs some 1,170 words long.
All told, about 2,711 words are exchanged in one-another’s chat windows. Discounting Doc Scratch’s intrusion into their final conversation, they speak 2324 words to one-another.
If you are counting the Grimbark conversation, add another 7 words.
6 if ‘BARK” is more of a sound.
By contrast, this single one-page Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory exchange between Dave, John, and Karkat runs some 2188 words - over a thousand words longer than any single Jade/Rose conversation, and only some 136 less than their entire conversation history.
Rose never speaks a single word to Jade aloud.
Rose never uses Jade’s name in conversation with her.
Jade and Rose "share the screen” 15 times during the comic. (I have excluded both Caliborn’s ‘Homosuck’ cutouts and his Plasticine maquette because A) they are facsimiles of an event recited by an even-more unreliable narrator than usual, not the real thing, and B) Seriously: Fuck That Guy)
One of these on-camera appearances was ret-conned out of existence.
In only seven of these appearances are both Jade and Rose conscious.
Here are all their on-camera appearances:
Act 6 Intermission 5
(Don’t think I ever noticed Gamzee hiding in the background before.)
Act 6 Act 5
Act 7
(It’s tough to tell but I think the above photo is the closest Rose and Jade ever get in the comic.)
Rose never speaks to Jade again after their fifth conversation in Act 5 Act 2.
Rose and Jade do not converse for the entirety of Act 6.
Rose and Jade do not converse for the entirety of Act 7
Going off “page math” alone. here are some fun facts about Jade and Rose conversations:
5% - or about 1/20th of the comic - passes before Rose and Jade speak.
Rose and Jade spend 39% - 39/100ths - of the comic “in-touch” with one another.
They spent the remaining 56% of the comic not talking.
Rose and Jade spend approximately 61% of Homestuck not in-contact, not in-touch with one another.
Counting the repeat conversation and a single still panel, there are only 9 pages in Homestuck where Rose and Jade are talking.
0.11072834645669291% of Homestuck - 5,536,417,323/5,000,000,000,000ths - (5.5 milliard billionths of the comic - 5.5 billion trillionths for our American readers. ~11/10000) is devoted to Rose and Jade’s “on-screen” relationship. And that’s counting a repeat conversation and a silent panel.
Rose and Jade “share” the screen - either while message-conversing or literally “in the same shot” in 20 pages of Homestuck.
That’s 0.24606299212598426% of Homestuck. About 24,606,299,213/10,000,000,000,000 (~1/400ths) of the comic.
Homestuck contains about 817,612 words.
Jade-Rose conversations all together comprise some 2779 words, taking into account that the fourth conversation is repeated twice.
Jade-Rose conversations comprise approximately 0.33989227163984875% of Homestuck’s text.
That’s 8497306791/2500000000000ths
Credits Jade/Rose Facts
There is no canonical evidence that Jade attended Rose’s wedding.
Seriously - she’s not there in the pictures. When all the kids are lifting the bride and bride up on chairs as part of the “thing done during the horah that isn’t actually part of the horah guess who just did a deep dive into the history of the horah did you know it’s from Greece via Romania and only dates back to 1930 as a traditional pan-Jewish custom it’s kind of like clan tartans in that it’s a cultural touchstone that feels ancient but isn’t” she’s... absent. Jake is in the picture twice once at the top, once in trickster mode on the bottom. Jade Harley: had better things to do than go to Rose’s wedding?
Jade and Rose are the only two kids to never be shown with Trickster modes.
This following photograph is the only conversation Rose and Jade ever have in-person in all the Homestuck franchise. It is their only moment of contact after Act 5 Act 2. We have no demonstrative way of proving that they ever conversed in-person before John’s 18th birthday party on Earth-C:
This is their only verbal conversation, and their only conversation to go textually unrecorded.
We have no way of proving that this is not Rose and Jade burying the hatchet after a... four year feud after Jade clumsily let Rose know her mother had been brutally murdered.
This is 1.3297872340425532% of the entire credits video.
That’s 664893617/50000000000ths of the entire credits - because the only good joke is a cumbersome running joke.
BONUS: Snapchat Jade/Rose Facts
Welcome to the land of dubious canonicity.
[Update 23/04/19: I’d like to note that I used this phrase before the Epilogues hit. Also, these are now officially outside of even the broader Homestuck meta-canon as far as anyone can tell. Radio silence on this remains aggravating. What were these and what did Andrew Hussie actually want?]
Do you remember the Snapchats? They didn’t stop being a thing or anything.
... well, they did, actually. Who knows if they’re canon any more. [Again: they are not]
That’s why this section is a bonus - its demi-canonical!
Man, remember when we were all excited that the future of Homestuck was going to be snapchats?
We were going to get so many snapped chats.
So many you guys.
Sigh.
Please no walking on the grass. That grass is only semi-canon. We are liable for damages with the rental company.
Jade and Rose appear together in one (1) snapchat photo:
I’m pretty sure this is the only Beta kids group shot in the entirety of Homestuck!
This Jade/Rose interaction comprises 1.5151515151515151% of all the snapchats.
That’s 946969697/62500000000ths.
That’s really all there is to say on the matter.
FAQ
Will you cover the Epilogue?
I will, of course, update this most important resource if/when the Epilogue gives us any more Jade/Rose content. Statistically speaking, it won’t take up much space.
You missed interaction [X]! Can I tell you about it?
Yes please! Thanks for letting me know, I will add it right away and update my maths.
You missed interaction [Caliborn’s Master Plan]! Can I -?
You may not.
This seems elaborate and kind of pointless - why would you do this?
Because Jade/Rose is a ship and talking about the Jade/Rose friendship is a thing and I... uh...
I didn’t get it.
But now having done all this work I...
... I still don’t get it.
I always questioned Jade/Rose because I said to myself “they don’t really interact much,” and now that I’ve sat down and run the numbers they really don’t interact much.
Now if you’re wondering “did you run though every single conversation looking for the times Jade mentioned Rose or Rose mentioned Jade” the answer would be “ha ha ha that would be crazy of course I did.”
I am very tired.
And... they don’t talk about each-other much. I mean ‘actually’ talk - I’m not counting all the “hey do you know what Rose/Jade is doing” questions asked between the kids or the trolls (though there’s not that many, really) - I’m talking about actual conversations, like when John talks about how he feels about having to marry Rose according to the Shipping Chart or Karkat mutters that Jade maybe kind of meant something to him once.
Jade has this to say about Rose - talking to, of all people, Eridan:
GG: rose?
GG: i do not have a score to settle with rose!!!
GG: why would you think that?
CA: oh
CA: wwell fuck
CA: suppose i wwas guessin it wwas natural to presume somesuch relation like that betwween the twwo a you
GG: i think you are projecting your own attitude on to others
GG: just because you tend to hate and/or hit on everyone you meet doesnt mean everyone else is that way
GG: rose just sent me a code for a crystal ball, shes my friend and is basically the best!
It’s a very Harleybert sentiment. And sadly it doesn’t add up to anything. At the very least, Rose doesn’t think that much about Jade.
Take it from me: a guy who literally went through every conversation Rose and Jade ever had with and about each other: Rose doesn’t think much about Jade. When Jade shows up sleeping at the end of act six lots of people talk about her: Rose’s only comment is to make a crack about Jade ending end-game ships when she wakes up, and also to note that there was Bird Dave and Dog Jade and Cat Rose but No [Animal] Egbert.
That’s it. The most Rose ever has to say is the “she has the karma” conversation all the way back in Act 3 - and it’s still really about Dave.
When GrimbarkJade shows up on LOLAR... Rose makes no comment whatsoever. Jade does not take the time to go see Rose when she wakes up in the ret-con timeline. Jade discusses Rose with John only in the context of John and his shipping chart destiny. Rose never seems to have anything to say about Jade to Dave or John.
If these kids had had a normal sibling existence in the same high school and John had been hit by a car Jade would have remained friends with Dave but she and Rose would be revealed to not be all that close - their common point of friendship is John, not one-another.
Rose talks about so much shit - but not about Jade. Jade might say Rose is “the best” but it’s Harley hyperbole more than anything: she didn’t even get Rose a birthday present because she says Rose is hard to shop for!
Rose LaLonde is hard to shop for? What?
There. It’s an Emily the Strange t-shirt with Charles Dutton’s head. it took me ten seconds to come up with it you are welcome Jade.
You want to ship Rose/Jade? Fuck yeah, man - go for it! You want to write an eighty thousand word fan-fiction on Rose and Jade: BFF Treasure Hunter Essayists? Sounds fucking rad please write that.
You want to say that, canonically, Jade and Rose are great friends?
I’m going to have to disagree. Homestuck is a story about four friends - it is not a story about four equally friendly friends. Maybe it was meant to be: not going to lie, I like Act 6 and the ending of Homestuck a lot but even I concede that Jade gets shafted in the “having shit to do” department - the fact that she sits out the big Giant Talky Session at the end of the comic? Weird as shit. If she was up and awake and had any kind of conversation with Rose where they seemed friendly and in-touch I would change my opinion in a heartbeat: I’m not some crank who hates Jade and Rose being best of friends because I’m a weirdo.
I mean I am a weirdo but for other reasons, not this.
No, I just don’t agree with the idea because it’s not supported by the text. Five conversations in seven acts? Less than 3,000 words exchanged in a document running into the hundred of thousands - and some of that repeat, and some of that the words of a giant cueball tool?
If Andrew Hussie wanted us to believe that Jade Harley and Rose LaLonde are particularly close friends, he put no sign of that into the text.
If I missed something please - tell me. Argue it with me, even, if you disagree with my assessment - or my math.I am not great at math.
Regardless - reach out. We should talk about this more.
Edit: Updated 10:38 EST April 12, 2019: corrected multiple typos, changed “dismissed” to “questioning,” clarified point about the horah to sound less weird.
#jade harley#rose lalonde#homestuck#dave strider#john egbert#andrew hussie#beta kids#emily the strange#Charles Dutton#this ocean charles#eridan ampora#kanaya maryam#candy corn vampire#problem sleuth#ghostbusters#Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff#sbahj#roxy lalonde#dirk strider#jane crocker#terezi pyrope#calliope#dad crocker#earth c#skaia#sburb#wv#jake english#karkat vantas#wayward vagabond
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Text
The following is a list for a future Project to make talksprites for the various characters of Homestuck
Talksprite Expressions list
neutral (talking)
happy (talking)
sad (talking)
angry (talking)
disappointed (talking)
pleased
shocked/surprised
confused
wtf?!
rage
fear
fierce
despondent/pouty (talking)
disgusted
flirty
tired
serious
irritated
triumph
tired
Breakdown:
Trolls
12 Players
38 Trollcall
3 Hiveswap act 1 (Xefros, Dammek, Trizza)
2 Kickstarter Canon Fantrolls
2 Friendsim Background (Cafe, Club)
1 Snapchat Background (Waiter)
7 Cancelled Hiveswap trolls (Cridea, Fiamet, Pirate Thief, Rebel Marshall, Gatherer, Beekeeper, Station Attendant)
= 65 base
x 2 (for Alternia and Beforus) x 9 (normal, godtier grimdark, trickster, ancestor, crockertier, sprite, robot, dreamer) [69 characters because beforans were named]
= 1170 variations
Humans
8 Players
2 Hiveswap Kids
= 10 x 9 (normal, godtier, grimdark, trickster, robot, sprite, dreamer, adult)
9 Non Players (Dad, Guy Fieri, ICP, PipeFan, Col. Sassacre, Hussie, MSPA Reader, A. Claire) x 9 (same as players minus adults)
= 19 base and 171 variations
Cherub
2 Players x 9 (same as human players)
1 Lord English x 4 (grimdark, trickster, sprite, crockertier) [No normal since Caliborn’s adult counts for that]
= 3 base and 22 variations
Carapacians
4 Royals
4 Midnight Crew
3 Exiles (WV PM AR) 1 Ms. Paint
= 12 base
x 9 (normal, grimdark, trickster, crockertier, sprite, mobster, exile, prototyped, robot/cyborg)
= 108 variations
Game Constructs
11 Felt x 6 (normal, grimdark, trickster, crockertier, sprite, robot)
1 Casey/Bubbles von Salamancer x 7 (normal, necromancer, crockertier, sprite, robot, grimdark, trickster)
6 Consorts (turtle, crocodile, salamander, iguana, angels, brains) x 7 (normal, skeleton, clothed, sprite, robot, grimdark, trickster)
8 Denizens (Typheus, Cetus, Hephaestus, Echidna, Hemera, Nix, Yaldabaoth, Abraxas) x 1 (normal)
5 Underlings (imps, ogres, basilisks, giclopses, liches) x 2 (base, prototyped)
= 31 base and 133 variations
Other
65 Lusii x 5 (normal, grimdark, trickster, crockertier, sprite)
1 Gl'bgolyb x 4 (same as lusus minus grimdark) [They were a post scratch ‘gift’ so Meenah had to have had a different lusus]
1 His Honorable Tyranny x 1 (normal)
1 Alternian Drone x 3 (normal, sprite, crockertier)
2 Dirk’s robots x 5 (same as lusus) 1 Lil Hal x 2 (normal, sprite)
1 Lil Cal x 2 (normal, sprite)
2 Earth Guardians (Gcat, Bec) x 2 (normal, sprite)
1 Serenity x 2 (normal, sprite)
8 Animals (Mutie, Jaspers, Maplehoof, Halley, Tesseract, Lone Gunbirds) x 2 (normal, sprite)
= 83 base and 369 Variants
Double Sprites
8 Nannasprite, Jasprose, Davepeta, Jaspersprite, Tavris, Fefeta, Arquius, Erisol x1 (no variants because theyre already double prototyped)
============
Credits in making of this list
============
@biggestcuttlefish <NSFW
@universeal-yahoo-1
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