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sexysilverstrider · 9 months

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Irresolute Feelings (Chapter 1) | Volokari

If someone had told Akari that she would find her soulmate 500 years in the past, she would have either dismissed it or laughed it off.

It’s stupid, unbelievable, and downright impossible. She would have a better chance to find a shiny Feebas than the possibility of her love interest being someone who existed way before her own grandparents.

And what if her love interest was a man who was hell bent on killing her and wiping the entire world from its existence? What if they had a horrible fallout that would surely confirm the very idea of them never seeing each other again? What if they had to reunite a year later after being forced to face another unspeakable danger that threatened the past, present, and future?

What if they put their differences aside and worked together which ensured not only the world’s safety, but also their intense feelings for each other?

It was hilarious. Unbelievable and hilarious. Akari might have to smack some senses if someone told her that.

And yet...

“Akari?”

His voice snapped her back to reality. A jump and a short peep, then a blush on the cheeks when the other’s reaction was a laugh. “Don’t startle me like that.” She spoke as a glare was given to the tall man.

Not a guilt was hinted when Volo replied, “Sorry, my dear.” Seeing the puff of her cheeks was a delight. Baring a sense of confidence, he leaned towards her and gave a quick kiss on the top of her head.

Ah, those cheeks got cuter every time he saw her.

“You were staring off in the distance.” One hand teasingly pinched her cheek. “Get distracted any further and I would have loved to bite this red mochi.” His smile curled swirls when he saw her pout and push his hand away.

Truly, ever since they were in a relationship—as shocking as it was to both of them—Volo found absolute delight in teasing her. What was once a tool of manipulation, now became a natural habit. He never knew the young woman could be so expressive and responsive. In the few years they knew each other, Volo had observed the many faces of The Chosen One.

He had seen how she pined for him as he blinded her with lies. He had seen unbearable heartbreak when they fought their final battle in The Temple of Sinnoh. He had witnessed her rage when fate forced them together. He had witnessed her indifference when he stood by her side against a common, treacherous enemy.

He felt the horrifying fear of seeing her almost lifeless for the second time in their battle against her past—to get a glimpse of never, ever feeling her warmth ever again.

He felt the agony, the breathless pain when she was blinded with a choice to go home—knowing very well that he may never, ever see her again.

It was something he wanted. Something he should have wanted.

And yet, the memory of losing his family, his tribe, his light—everything—Volo soon found out that Arceus was both cruel and merciful.

As the new year soon rolled by in the corner, Volo now saw pure love emanating from Akari. And how selfish, how powerful he felt to know that that genuine love poured endlessly for him—and only him.

“I’m not food, you know.”

Her voice brought him back. It always did.

“Ah,” Quickly he recollected his sense, “but you do taste delicious.” His smile stayed, sly as a Zoroark that could almost everyone thinking he was one. “I, for one, definitely remembered how delicious you tasted last night—”

“Okay!” A shout echoed inside the house, tone slightly pitched to match the burning red in her cheeks. “You need to get to work before I sic Belial on you.” Without waiting for his response, Akari—still with cheeks ablaze—swatted his hands away and spun him around.

As much as their feelings were mutual, Volo still found utter disgust in that Hisuian Typhlosion of hers.

Granted, he tried to kill the starter’s wielder in the past, but the Pokémon needed to know that people change.

“Yes, yes.” Shaking in mock defeat, Volo easily spun his heel and held her hands. “I’m off to work now. I’m sad to see my beloved Akari shooing me when all I did was giving her affection.” A sorrowful tone bounced with every word. His smile still stayed in place, Volo bit back a smirk to see her jutted lower lip.

Truly, she tempted him so.

“I’m not shooing you,” she grumbled, knowing very well he was just toying with her. “We’re both going to be late and I can’t afford to have Commander Kamado giving me a lecture again.”

He knew she was somewhat joking, but a part of him twitched at the mention of another man’s name.

“Hmm...” Lips pursed, Volo bobbed his head and casually reached for the Ginkgo hat near the entrance. His eyes on her broke for a moment, and Volo immediately wore the hat to hide such a flickering glare in his iris.

Unaware of his actions, Akari took a deep breath and held her head high. “Well, if that ever happens again, I’ll have Nobunaga to fight him in my stead. In the meantime, I’ve been practicing some fighting moves with Rei so the Commander will never know what’s coming!” She flexed one arm, actually showing a bicep that had become proof of her survival skills in Hisui.

As proud as she was—and she deserved to be—Volo couldn’t fight the crack in his heart at the mention of another man’s name.

He despised it. He truly despised it.

“Well—” he clipped, tone light yet sharp, “in that case, I should have no worries in the world.” A smile curled his lips, perfect and still. Her gaze on him only fell for only a few seconds, for Volo knew, if she looked at him any longer, she would see the true emotion that gritted behind tight lips.

In the guise of looking at the sky through the opened door, Volo gently patted her head. “Be careful out there, Akari.” Volo looked at her again, assured that this time, his smile was masked to perfection. “I’ll see you later tonight.” A kiss was bestowed on her forehead; pride beamed in his chest to hear the soft squeak of his beloved.

His beloved.

His. No one else.

One hand cupped the place that he kissed, Akari gave a little pout. “Mm…” Sound meek as the red in her cheeks, Akari cupped his cheek with her other hand. “I’ll see you tonight, Volo.” Her mouth remained parted, hesitant at the next words that lingered at the tip of her tongue. Her heart yearned for the words to be released, yet her mind held back with a fear that choked her throat.

“I love you.”

Finally, she said it. Again and again.

Her heart triumphed at the success.

“I…do too.”

That success however was short-lived and extinguished.

A glimmer of disappointment dimmed the colour of such mesmerizing black irises. But just as it came, it quickly then disappeared. With a quick breath, Akari quickly regained her pride—this was not the first time after all.

With silence and a smile, Volo excused himself and left their home.

Leaving Akari standing by the entrance, once again mending a withered heart that ached for the one word it so desperately needed.

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The Chosen One was a human girl who fell from the sky and became the voice of those who ruled them all.

She was the strongest in her time, and now the strongest in theirs. Her capability to handle Pokémon as if they weren’t beasts that could easily kill both placed such awe and horror in people. Everyone praised her. Everyone derided her. At first, humans formed distances among themselves in fear that she was a curse that would rob them of their living. As time went by, such baseless rumours faded as she proved herself to be helpful and heroic.

The rumours started again—growing intensely even—when the sky turned red, and all the attention fell upon the human girl who had done nothing but sacrifice herself for the greater good.

Humans were stupid. Idiotic.

And she was far stupider.

“I love you.”

A sharp breath hitched as her words lingered. Volo shook his head lightly, walking forward and trying his damnedest to ignore the burning pain in his chest.

He should have said it back. He should have confessed as well. He should have bared himself open to the woman who saved him from an abyss that swallowed him whole.

And yet…

“I love you.”

Another breath. Sharper. More strained.

“How foolish…” A low hiss spat through gritted teeth. Knowing that he couldn’t keep his mask on in front of customers, Volo quietly walked towards an alley. Once assured that he was alone, he placed his bag and lazily leaned against a wooden hut. One arm draped across closed eyes, though regret them loomed once he realized it only made him see the smile that brought back hope into him.

Suddenly, a bright red light zipped past his bag. Volo didn’t need to look to see who it was.

‘Volo?’ Togekiss chirped lightly, concern etched on her face. Her wielder didn’t respond immediately, but she knew he heard her perfectly. ‘Do you need to talk about it?’ She knew he couldn’t understand her, but Togekiss hoped that the low tone in her voice was enough to convey the message.

In a way, it did.

“I’m just…” A grunt. “A lot of things in my mind, dear.” Slowly, his arm dropped to his side. A woeful smile was given to the Jubilee Pokémon. One hand gently petted her, fingers ruffled through the soft white feathers.

She squeaked at the affection, but kept her worries on him still. ‘Akari?’

Volo shouldn’t understand her, yet the intonation that she gave was so familiar.

His smile quivered. “I—” His hand stopped on her head. “She…” Akari’s fate. Her presence. Her feelings. Her. Volo had grown through so much the moment she invaded his life. At first, all he ever wanted was to get rid of her. She was an obstacle. A plague that needed to be exterminated in order for him to reach his goal. As time rolled by, he soon realized that she was the key to his new world. He just needed to use to her. To guide her to the plates that would ensure Arceus’ presence.

Volo then realized her feelings for him.

He was disgusted. Revolted. Excited.

He could use this. He could use her. Love is a disease that could weaken even the strongest. A man who had seen colours and light could go blind so easily if love asked them to burst their eyeballs. If Volo played his cards right, he could convince her to give him all his plates.

If not, he could always kill her like he planned.

Alas, Arceus had other plans for him—for better or for worse.

“I’m…” His heart hurt. “…afraid.”

Togekiss remained quiet, patient and waiting, never surprised as Volo bared his feelings.

“She’s mine now and I…” His mouth gaped. A bitter chuckle escaped through. “I often think that I will wake up soon.”

Surprise finally widened the Pokémon’s eyes.

He looked at her. Sorrow clouded his vision. Despondence lined the corners of his smile. “We should have been in our new world right now. We would be happier. Free from the suffering and pain that we’re forced to face. Free from Arceus’ judgement since I would now hold his powers.” The hand by his side curled to fists. “And yet, none of that ever happened. Here we are—here I am—still in this damn world I hate. In this damn universe that condemns my every waking day.”

Togekiss merely listened, her frown deepened by his confession.

“And yet…I don’t mind it now.”

Surely, she was surprised at the fact that he was still able to surprise her every now and then. ‘Meaning?’ Casting a quick glance at his bag, Togekiss perched on it before giving her full attention back at him.

“I don’t mind living in this damn world. I don’t mind breathing in this cursed universe.” Grey eyes looked at the sky, blue and clear with hope.

He despised it.

“I don’t mind all of that now because…because now I have her.”

The pain in his chest tightened at the memory of Akari.

The Chosen One who saved the world from falling into ruin. The Chosen One who saw the good in everyone even from those who exiled her. The Chosen One who sacrificed her own happiness if it means others were able to feel joy.

The Chosen One who finds the chances of this timeline after losing her own in an aftermath of a demonic destruction.

She should be broken. She should have lost hope. The moment her world was destroyed right before her very eyes, she should have numbed all senses and used the blasted deity to recreate her world.

And yet, she didn’t.

To make matters worse, neither did Arceus.

It may have saved her from the brink of death. But to deny her the wish of ever returning home was something any human would have a reason to lose their sanity.

Volo could never know the conversation they had between the two, but once the Alpha Pokémon finally granted his wish of its presence, all he remembered was the sound of its haunting voice: ‘This is meant to be.’

The last thing Volo remembered was seeing Akari. Lifeless and unmoving as she lay on an open meadow.

His emotions were bare as a newborn baby as he cradled her into his arms. His laughter and tears mingled as he saw her grumble awake.

Their old worlds may be gone, but Arceus had given them a chance to start a new world together.

A smile he didn’t realize he had trembled. “That’s why I’m afraid.” His head dropped. “What if this was all another dream? Another cruel play by Arceus? I’ve done so many things to blaspheme it, it’s not a surprise that I’m being punished now.” Both fists were raised, shaken and tight. “To feel this happiness. To get a second chance. To receive her forgiveness. To taste her love. All of these are things that I should never deserve…”

His voice lowered, quivered.

“I love you.”

“Her words ring so true and I…I want to believe her. I do…” Slowly, his back slid down. “I do…” Curled hands resting on the top of his knees, Volo weakly bent until his forehead landed on his fists. “But if do believe her, if I do say it in return, what if this little world shatters? What if she fades away and I can’t do anything to reach her…?” His voice cracked. Blonde bangs shielded the side of his face.

“I love you.”

“I can’t lose her too…”

Silence was the answer to all his sorrows.

A lone man knelt in the alleyway, hidden and quiet amidst the lively sound of the village. He remained still, lost in his despair. Togekiss only watched him, sad and even more concerned as she listened to his fears.

‘Volo…’ she peeped. Carefully, she hopped off the bag and towards him. ‘You won’t lose her.’ The Jubilee Pokémon softly bopped his head with her own. ‘It’s been almost a year and you’re still together. If this really was a cruel game by Arceus, she would have left or died by now.’ Togekiss tried her best to cheer him up—tried being the keyword. ‘But she didn’t. She’s here and she loves you. Even if she’s terribly sad that her world is gone, she didn’t lose hope because you are there for her.’

Her comfort was given in sounds of chirps and cheeps. Even if Volo couldn’t understand, Togekiss would try her best to make sure that his friend was happy again.

‘Akari truly loves you.’

The familiar tune of her name brought his head up. Volo looked at his childhood friend, mouth frowned and eyes gloomy. However, a part of him fizzled a numbing warmth at the sight of her confident smile.

Maybe he did understand her a little bit.

“Thank you, Togekiss.” Back straightened against the wooden wall, Volo gave her another pat. “Thank you…”

A triumphant coo actually tickled a laugh out of him.

‘You should tell Akari how you feel too.’ She tried again. Knowing that this message was very important, Togekiss took flight and started flying in front of him. She zipped to the left then upwards, then turned upside-down for a mere second before flying right-side-up, then downwards and to the right, right at the starting point.

It took Volo a few seconds to realize what she was trying to convey.

“Ah.” was all the man said.

He wanted to laugh to see such exuberance on the Jubilee Pokémon’s face.

“I—” The hesitance was back. “That…requires time.”

Togekiss frowned. ‘A year is considered time enough.’

He knew damn well that she was chastising him.

“I do love her!” Finally, the words Akari yearned for echoed in the alley. Alas, only a Pokémon was able to hear it. “I… She knows that.” Back was his smug, cocky attitude. “She knows damn well I love her since I clearly show it. Many times with the help I do ever since we live together and many, many, many times with my body.”

Togekiss looked utterly unimpressed.

It was a stab to his pride.

“Togekiss, I—” He stopped, then huffed. “I will—tell her.” Admitting defeat, Volo waved his hands. “I will. Soon.”

The muscles above her right eye was raised.

“As soon as possible.”

A single tilt of her head was given.

Another sigh. “Tonight.”

Finally, Togekiss chirped in glee.

Truly, he couldn’t win with her.

Relishing on her jubilance, Volo casually stood up and wiped the dirt off his butt. “Well then, since my persistent friend is encouraging me, who am I to deny—?”

“I’m so glad you’re here, Akari.”

The sound of a familiar voice saying a dear name stopped Volo in his tracks.

He didn’t know when he started moving. He didn’t know when his head started turning. He didn’t even realize Togekiss chirping in surprise as he walked past her.

Once grey eyes spotted them, he felt his breathing hitch uncontrollably.

There she was. His Akari. His beloved. Having her arm around Rei. Standing so close as the young man leaned against her.

His muscles tensed. His thoughts numbed. One hand that was pressed on a wooden wall curled slowly, roughly until nails scraped against the thick material of wood. His heart raced. Screamed. Howled. Banged madly inside his chest, bellowing for freedom. His breathing grew ragged, flaring through nostrils before seething through gritted teeth. A shadow loomed on his face, hiding what’s left that blonde bangs had covered.

Eyes were wide as saucers. Pupils shrunk madly, shaking as he watched her hold his hand.

Togekiss quickly hopped next to him. Surprise widened her eyes to see the topic of their conversation. ‘Oh, there she is!’ she chirped, giving a little bounce. ‘Do you want to go and say hell…’ She looked up at him, voice then dulled to a murmur as she saw his manic expression. ‘…o…’

Neither a response nor reply was given.

In a blink of an eye, Volo turned around, snatched his backpack, and marched away on the other side of the alley.

Horror immediately dawned upon her.

‘Oh no…’ Sensing pure malice that emanated from her dear friend, Togekiss quickly took flight towards him. ‘Oh no no…’

Deep in her heart, the Jubilee Pokémon prayed for the impossible.

#Volo #Akari #Togekiss #Pokemon #Volokari #Fafar Writes #hi everyone!!!! a fic #watch as i upload like once every 3 months lol

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nariism · 10 months

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neuvillette is aware that he shouldn’t have let you get so close. but he did, and now he’s lamenting the fact that your hands are grasping at his soft horns — his fucking horns, of all places — and he might like it.

uptight and strait-laced, you’ve never known the chief justice to be someone so easily flustered. yet here he is with heat crawling up his neck, so warm that you can feel it against your palms as they ghost over his skin.

you can’t help but laugh at his current situation.

he was vehemently against you coming anywhere near his hair at first, grumbling about how his horns were on the sensitive side and he would rather not have to go into work feeling uncomfortably aware of their presence on his head.

however, you were hard to deny with that little smile on your face and such soft hands grabbing at his arms, tugging him closer. a sweet voice chanting, "please, honey? pretty please?"

neuvillette has never been good at denying you what you want.

it’s how he ends up sitting at your shared vanity. you comb through his long hair, watching him with amusement in the mirror as he huffs and jolts with every brush of your fingers against his horns.

the fact that he was letting you get anywhere near them was surely a testament to his trust in you. he was completely vulnerable here, at your mercy.

“sorry,” you mumble disingenuously, clearly enjoying seeing your usually serious husband falling apart with a simple action. you quickly tie off the end of his hair with a bow and he sighs in relief, thinking that the torment is over.

it's far from over.

he draws a sharp breath when you lean forward and press two gentle kisses on him; one on either side of his head just beside his horns.

neuvillette glowers at you in the reflection, disapproval written all over his face. "stop that," he scolds.

you do, but only because you're worried he might melt into a puddle before your very eyes if you continue.

it becomes a daily routine after that, with him sitting patiently in front of the mirror while you brush and tie off his hair. and you always end it the same way: two kisses, a soft "have a good day at work," murmured against him, and a mischievous little smile that makes him sigh.

he responds everyday with the same two words. "stop that," with a narrow-eyed glare.

the day you do stop, he's confused and irritated.

not only because you have the audacity to throw a wrench into routine again, which you know he hates, but also because he can't figure out why he misses your lips so much.

"what are you doing? i am going to be late."

"hm?" you peer up lazily from your spot on the bed, still half asleep.

"you have to do my hair."

"i thought you didn't want me to, so i slept in today."

your husband is eerily silent for a moment as he mulls over your words. then, he carefully perches himself on the edge of the bed, back turned to you expectantly and still wordless.

no, he would never admit he likes it just a little bit — the vulnerability, the trust, the feeling of your hands threading through his hair, the intimacy of it. hell no.

but neuvillette doesn't have to say a lot of things for you to understand; not when the way his skin heats up says it all; not when you're the first person to touch his horns in centuries; not when he’s saying stop that with such an affectionate glimmer in his eyes.

you give him four kisses that morning, two on either side.

#— whispers in the wind ✧#not proofread i'm sorry #neuvillette my beloved my BELOVED my husband my lover my meow meow #he makes me insane #also idk if i would call those things on his head horns but that's what everyone else calls them #neuvillette #neuvillette genshin #neuvillette fluff #neuvillette x y/n #neuvillette x reader #neuvillette x you #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact fic #genshin impact fluff

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somnimagus · 7 months

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My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.

[id in alt text]

#legend of zelda #loz #twilight princess #loz tp #i'm still reeling that someone sent me an ask about this one.. that they took the time to find my tumblr and tell me they liked it #it really meant a lot; thank you to anyone that stops to leave comments like that. they make me happy #but yeah! here's the usual symbolism ramble:#i thought it'd be cool to have the 'spirits' flowing one way and the cats walking through them the other way #to kinda show the difference in life inhabiting the village in the past and present #link's face is covered because impaz was just waiting for 'the hero' so his clothes are what matters; not his face #and it (hopefully) gives a surreal and intangible sense to 'the hero' she could only hope would actually show up #you can feel free to interpret the glowy blue sheikah as ghosts or just as memories of the past! i couldn't decide either way #the one on the bottom left is oot impa since she's implied to be the village founder. so i guess she would be a ghost actually?#fan art #my art #project stuff #and ahhh the book-- everyone's stuff is so beautiful!!#especially the writing. some of the fics made me really tear up and some were so fun and clever. i really love them #a lot of them captured the sheer burden of the role of the sheikah; all of the time and grief and doubt #i know i always say this stuff about every project but. the people i get to work with in these are truly so skilled every time

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bibxrbie · 2 months

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"Luke Skywalker isn’t like the old Jedi. He saves Vader with his attachments!”

Wrong!

Luke Skywalker, at the end of Return of the Jedi, after his confrontation with the Emperor drags Darth Vader through the destructing Death Star. He’s desperate, knuckles white under the heavy weight of his father’s body, a little boy dragging his dad to safety. He sets Vader down for a moment, to catch his breath or maybe to get a better grip. He goes to grab Vader again, but Vader, uncomfortable and in pain, asks Luke to take off the mask. He wants to see Luke through his eyes instead of the eyes Palpatine built for him. Luke refuses, says that removing the mask is a sure way for Vader to die. Luke doesn’t want Vader dead, he wants Vader alive. Not to hold him accountable for his many evil acts, but for the same reason why Luke Skywalker can’t kill Darth Vader; Vader is his father and Luke loves him.

And yet, after a moment, Luke removes Vader’s mask. He doesn’t want to, he hesitates, but he removes the mask with enough slowness to allow Vader to take it back. In that moment, Luke sets aside his desire for Vader in his life, sets aside his desire to see him live, and sets aside his entire mission, the reason he was even on the Death Star in the place. In his compassion for his father, Luke stays with Vader until he dies. It is this moment where we see him be the best damn Jedi he can be. I’d even argue that this moment is the greatest example of non-attached love we see. Because Luke lets Vader go! He lets his father die, and in some ways, by removing the mask, he too kills Vader, he stays with him until his last moment, gives him the kindness of granting his last wish and finally chooses Vader.

And Luke doesn’t have to do this. If Luke Skywalker’s love for his father was an attachment, he would ignore Vader and continue dragging him to the escape pod, put his desire for a father as his central focus and ignore Vader’s wants and discomfort. Maybe he would even save him. But he doesn’t. Instead, he watches as Vader dies.

He builds a Jedi burial for his father and watches it burn the remnants of Vader and Anakin Skywalker away. He mourns Vader, he mourns what they could’ve had as father and son, considers what ifs and maybe-if-I-did-this. Vader/ Anakin is released from his mortal body, from his ‘crude matter’ and Luke lets him go. He says one final goodbye to Anakin. Then, he joins Leia, Han, Chewie, Lando, and the rest of the Rebels and celebrates their victory. He lives in the present and celebrates what he has instead of what he lost.

Luke Skywalker is THE Jedi. Everything about Luke Skywalker serves as the foundational cornerstone of the Jedi, everything about the Jedi as a culture and philosophy is reflected in his character. Luke’s desire for the New Jedi Order isn’t to throw away the values of the old Order, but to vitalise them, breathe life back into dying lungs, and rebuild a path that people set out on their way to destroy. (Yes, his Order is different from the Old, but that’s because it has to be. He doesn’t have the resources or the safety of the Old Order.) The philosophies of the Jedi are difficult and they aren’t for everyone, and like the perfect Jedi that Luke is, he struggles and stumbles and sometimes he even rejects it. But, no matter how far he falls, it is a way of life he chooses again and again and again. It is a way of life that welcomes him back each time

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jedi-starbird · 4 months

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Time Travel is my favourite trope and I think we need more fics where both Obi-Wan AND Qui-Gon time travel together because no matter when they get sent it's chaos. They're saving the galaxy and being physic flash-bangs to everyone around them.

like before Bandomeer?

The entire council is baffled to watch as Qui-Gon 'never taking a padawan again' Jinn has suddenly cut off his post-Xanatos depression tour to return to the temple and beeline to the creche with a frantic energy. His wild eyes immediately single out a fluffy, red-haired initiate.

"You." he exhales with a pointed finger, slightly ominous as he towers over the child. Said child starts vibrating with delight. "Me." he agrees, launching himself at the man. Qui-Gon drops to his knees with a thud that cannot be healthy. Obi-Wan's attempts to clamber into Qui-Gon's robes and maybe onto his shoulders is thwarted by the fact that Qui-Gon's massive hands are cupping Obi-Wan's tiny squishy cheeks. He stares at the initiate for a few minutes with an intensity that is starting to worry people.

Finally, "You're so small." Qui-Gon sounds like he might cry.

'What the fuck?' Plo Koon projects at Mace.

"I'm 9! That tends to be the case!" the child chirps back.

"You're nine." Oh. Ah. Qui-Gon's eyes are distinctively misty. He squishes the boy in a hug so hard he squeaks. Mace makes a series of gestures that imply the need for a head-scan. Depa obligingly drifts off towards the halls. Qui-Gon scoops the child up onto his hip and claims him as his padawan on the spot. The assorted council members and creche-masters burst into noise. Mace tells Depa to bring some space ibuprofen as well.

after Naboo?

Anakin is a little apprehensive of his place in both the order and Obi-Wan's life, but then one day Obi-Wan wakes up and is suddenly a lot less sad in the force?? In fact, if Anakin didn't know better he'd say he was almost giddy, but he's watched Obi-Wan try to pretend his world hasn't fallen apart for the past few months so it can't be that, right? And um, Miss Bant? He knows grief is a funny thing that affects people differently but he's pretty sure 'massive mood swing' and 'having full conversations with invisible people' is not...great? and you said to tell you if Obi-Wan got really weird in any way.

Anyway after a lot of medical exams, intense consultation with the archives, and a couple exorcisms, Anakin ends up being raised by his 'real' master and his ghost master. He is far more well adjusted emotionally and far less well adjusted for what counts as normal people behavior(not talking to thin air). When questioned on this, all he ever says is that he's talking to Qui-Gon. Isn't he...dead? Well, yes. Wait, he's a ghost? Ghosts are real? ...Well this ghost is real.

This starts a great number of existential crises among non-force sensitives and incredibly heated theological arguments amongst the Jedi. Whenever Obi-Wan is questioned on this, all he ever says is some variation of "the force got to know him for 5 seconds and kicked him back out." Mace backs him up on this even though that reasoning is technically blasphemous. Qui-Gon is having the time of his un-life. He's ascended to his final form, his sheer existence is a heresy, this is truly all he has ever aspired towards.

the Clone Wars?

The minute they get dropped back Qui-Gon immediately goes and haunts the shit out of Dooku. They have a signed terms of surrender and promise of info on the Sith Lord within the year. Only half of it is because Qui-Gon's giving Dooku complexes that are only perceptible to shrimp, the other half is because they now have a ghost spy that is not bound by the laws of physics nor spacetime.

Obi-Wan only nominally pays attention to this as he immediately goes and implements his 19 step seduction plan with Cody (he had to focus on something on Tatooine to pass the time). It fails. Spectacularly. Publicly. Ah right. Tatooine was not exactly the height of his sanity. Everyone in the GAR and temple is now riveted by High General and Councilor Obi-Wan Kenobi's attempts to go on a date with his Commander, who bats him away him like a particularly annoying stray and seems one bouquet of cactus away from committing mutiny. Anakin is worrying if it means his master knows about his secret marriage and this is some sort of really weird power play. (It is, but not in the way he thinks)

The next time Dooku goes after Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon spends a good few months appearing tear-stained at the edge of Dooku's perception and only communicating in terrible wails and discordant mutterings of 'padawan. my padawan. my little one.' 24/7.

"Wait, you're annoying Dooku into surrendering?"

"Oh no Anakin, we're crushing his psyche like a bug. :)"

#everyone feel free to use these i crave more time travel fics #the sheer power qui gon would have as a fully communicating force ghost before and during the clone wars is astounding #qui gon with baby obi wan is like inconsolable sobs cause he never saw him this small and then his life was so sad and he couldnt even hug #him on tatooine but now look at his boy!!! so small and huggable!!!!#they absolutely weaponise baby obi against others his wet cat eyes are 1000% stronger now #they drop him in dookus lap like look grandpadawan:)#if you hold the grandpadawan maybe your sith behaviour will calm down :/#anyway them together is like they throw enough bullshit into the air to blind everyone while they speedrun important changes in the back #after naboo is like everyone offering obi wan condolences and obi responding yeah im going to need them the fucker wont stay down #star wars #obi wan kenobi #qui gon jinn #qui gon and obi wan #fic ideas #time travel shenanigans #codywan #anakin skywalker #disaster lineage #count dooku

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densewentz · 11 months

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Take Your Kid to Work Day (with Dream's decidedly more alarming version of an artist rendering their kid's drawing)

#dreamling #alternate title:#Hob Gadling's Guide to Being a Supportive Dad Despite the Horrors #hob gadling #dream of the endless #morpheus #matthew the raven #dream x hob #the sandman netflix #the sandman #the sandman fanart #kid fic #my art #dream isnt wearing his robes because im amused by the idea of the anthropomorphized human unconscious being just some Guy in jeans and a t #sometimes love is a puppy-eyed princeling and his fucked up frog friend #hobs going to lilo and stitch it and just tell everyone shes a dog #an older kian this time #as a treat #long post

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dcxdpdabbles · 21 hours

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Danny: Who are you?

Batman: Your worst nightmare.

Danny: *gasp* You're me from the future?! The me from the past?! OH NO, YOU'RE ONE OF THE VOICES THAT ESCAPED MY HEAD, ARENT YOU!?

Batman:.....no.

Danny: Oh okay.

Batman: Kid, are you okay?

Danny: Yeah, why do you ask :D ?

Batman: Where are you parents? Your house? It's too dangerous to be involved with gangs like this.

Danny: My parents are dead, my house is the streets, and I'm not involved with any gangs. I'm just squatting in the warehouse they happen to meet in, sir.

Batman: ......would you like some food? I know a man who would offer you shelter too.

Danny: you want me to follow a random stranger wearing a weird costume that I just met? Sure lead the way! :D :D

Batman mentally: This is my son now. My mentally unstable son.

#dcxdpdabbles #dcxdp crossover #From a fic i never wrote #Bruce finds a feral son in a gang headquarters #Danny keeps saying things that everyone think are his mental unwell #or a lie #but everything out of his mouth is true or about ghosts

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fumifooms · 2 months

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Homegrown

Thistle and Delgal - Dungeon Meshi, Ryoko Kui

^ Fernando Pessoa / Killing Flies, Michael Dickman / A Brother Named Gethsemane, Natalie Diaz / Antigonick, Anne Carson v Oats We Sow, Gregory and the Hawk

#Dungeon meshi #spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #thistle #sissel #thistle dungeon meshi #web weaving #web weave #Just in case for sake of transparency: in the ‘what a relief everyone’s safe’ panel I erased a bit of dialogue he originally said #‘What a relief everyone’s BODY IS safe’#But yk. Delusions angst. Dinner table Thistle imagery you are famous to me #delicious in dungeon #Umm go check out my Thistle & Falin fic on ao3 called Slivers maybe idk #Sometimes it does feel like Thistle has an age regression through the manga it’s interesting. Kui what were you cooking #I am a firm believer that Thistle’s an adult and that that doesn’t take anything away from his narrative tho.#He’s the older brother here & that’s the whole point. God dunmeshi family narratives I love youuu #Thistles are a weed… Idk the garden theme for him works great imo. Make that dungeoneum manage that kingdom like an ecosystem

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grey-viridian · 28 days

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Future father-son hugs!

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jacqcrisis · 23 days

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The few snippets of dialogue I've seen from from Hermes in Hades 2 really reaffirms a core part of whatever his relationship is to Charon to me: Hermes is extremely invested in making sure Charon has someone to talk to.

Please say hi to him. Please make sure he's doing okay. Please look out for him. Someone needs to be checking in on Charon and be there for Charon when Hermes can't be.

Maybe it's because he recognizes Charon is a loner and doesn't have people who worry about him. Maybe its because he knows Charon has a hard time communicating. Maybe its because Charon is a workaholic and will put the people he cares about before himself. Maybe he just really fucking likes Charon.

Probably all of these. But I had that assumption in the first game, and I'm glad its canonized (or so it seems) in second. Hermes worries about his big skull faced man's mental and social well-being so much that he's asking the children of Hades to take some time out of their big important 'find my mom/dad' quests to make sure boatmen aren't too lonely without they speedy chatty birds.

#hades game #hades 2 #charon hades #Hermes hades #charmes #listen I wrote a whole fucking fic about this back in the day #that's basically what the fall out Hades fic was about #as much as I like to joke Charon is a Hermes simp #no one simps harder for anyone like Hermes does for charon #his opinion re: stygian ferryman is so fascinating #like he really did snub everyone at the big party to go hang out with his 'real gentleman' of a 'professional associate'#love that for the both of them

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foolishlovers · 5 months

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anything can be a good omens au if you’re unhinged enough

#share ur wildest au ideas in the reblogs/comments if u want to pls #i’m still stuck on my h2o just add water au #crowley as rapunzel? gut-wrenching the hunger games au? superstore au with all the found family vibes?#riverdale au but they’re the parents oblivious to their kids establishing new time lines left and right #jurassic park au and they’re both dinosaurs just trying to munch on some grass #ineffable wives in a the wilds au making out on the beach while everyone else is fighting for their lives #glee au they’re teachers from another school reporting mr shue for being creepy af #crowley knows all the dances to high school musical in a modern family au #desperate housewives au but they don’t have any annoying husbands #barbie fairytopia au with rainbow wings do i need to say anything more #love island au they have a fake dating arrangement to get social media famous but they fall for each other anyways #claire’s au aziraphale gets his first piercing crowley shoots it #durex au crowley and aziraphale meet filming an ad for- [gunshot]#ok lemme stop here #good omens #aziracrow #gomens #good omens fics #good omens au #foolish talks #to write

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livsmessydoodles · 1 year

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just for fun heres a little comic of a scene from @andiwriteordie 's fic i'll find a new place to be from!! it just felt SO in character i had to draw it out😭😭😭

anyway GO CHECK OUT ANDIS FIC its such an interesting take on how s5 could go, its incredibly hooking besides being insanely in character and very very funny GO READ IT NOW‼️‼️‼️

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crazy-fangirl2524 · 2 months

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My biggest flex will always be how I knew Neil was the more feral and dangerous one than Andrew this whole time even before tsc and seeing the entire fandom freaked out makes me want to kiss and hug Nora and just thank her for finally finally showing everyone and I’m not just crazy

#seeing all the post about like omg Neil is so feral?! like brother did you not read aftg did y’all forget aftg is from Neil’s pov #ofc Neil wouldn’t say he’s feral in his own pov tf😭😭😭#and remember in aftg Neil still has to hide part of himself BECASUE his father and eveyrhhing but now he’s literally free from his biggest #fear and he could do whatever the fuck he wants #Istg the fandom is like the foxes man idk why everyone is so shook #literally cant thank Nora enough for showing everyone finally #Idc if I sound proud or whatever but I fucking knew it this entire time and I have been shouting it for so long like finally #that’s why so many fics annoyed me so much like #I just needed to say this because I finally felt seen and heard andFINALLY LIKE URGH #tsc and aftg supremacy #tsc #tsc spoilers #the sunshine court #the sunshine court spoilers #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #aftg series #aftg fandom #aftg incorrect quotes #neil josten #andrew minyard #andrew joseph minyard #neil abram josten #aftg neil #aftg thoughts #aftg textpost #aftg shitpost #incorrect tfc

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jackshiccup · 9 months

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why won't you let me help you?

#hijack #frostcup #hiccup #jack frost #jackson overland #hiccup haddock #rotg #httyd #jackshiccup art #my art #this took me way longer than i thought oops #but i loved doing their hair the most..#anyway... them....#i don't know what kind of au this is but just KNOW i had otnwas on my mind while drawing it #as a matter of fact i need everyone here to get on that fic rn #i tried to turn up the Yearning™ on this one let me know if it worked #jack putting his hand on hiccup's chest to push him away but hiccup just holds his hand hahahaha....#also jack's red shirt.. well yes !

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lucabyte · 4 months

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I don't know how everyone isn't also always constantly thinking about how burial rites seem to be potentially one of the few things Siffrin instinctively remembers about their culture. But rest assured. I am in fact always thinking about it.

Textless version where they're just hanging out. It's fine!

#love how i said id slow down on fanart. and then didnt. anyway. the bg is supposed to be a ocean shore but its vague intentionally.#ALSO SORRY FOR DRAWING EVERYONE FACING AWAY FROM THE CAMERA ALL THE TIME? WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT IN MY ISAT STUFF. HELLO? HELLO??? WHY???#in stars and time #isat fanart #isat #isat spoilers #isat siffrin #isat loop #siffrin #sifloop #lucabyteart #hi again sifloop tag. read this as you will. go nuts. i know you people are here for the crumbs.#if you want other thoughts re: what they do/do not remember on instinct. i wonder what their culture's bonding ceremony equiv is.#since they dont seem to have any answers to that. perhaps since not directly asked during that conversation. hm. feels like a cute fic idea #not that ill be executing on that.#ill be damned if i bare my ass on ao3. i can barely write about my ocs without feeling like im naked on stage. i salute your kind's bravery #also sorry if the dialogue here is hard to parse what order its in. its a zigzag of some kind im not fighting my absolutely ass typesetting #samdontlook

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flowercrowngods · 1 year

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based on this post, because at this point i think it's safe to say @unclewaynemunson is actually my muse or something (hi anna i hope this is okay even though it’s, like, way angsty and way too long huh)

🤍 also on ao3

Two days after Starcourt, concussed and beaten, Steve has a seizure.

His ears are still ringing when the doctor gives him a stern glance over the rim of his glasses and pronounces him unfit to drive. No, in fact, he claims Steve poses a real danger to himself and others if he sat behind a wheel again.

Immediately, Dustin and Robin jump to promising that they won't let him do that, and in another life Steve is sure he would be grateful, or at least reasonable about it, but in this one he has a horrible second where the floor falls out from under him and he wishes, for just one second, that his head had been shaken a bit more, just enough to–

It makes him nauseous even thinking that. Everything does, lately. He closes his eyes against the offensive brightness of the hospital room and lets the sound of Dustin's and Robin's voices wash over him as he takes a moment to really take in what the doctor's orders entail.

He can't drive anymore. No more late night drives to watch the street lights pass and lull him into a safer state of mind than his bedroom walls could. No more driving the kids to their DnD sessions, no more taking Robin anywhere at the drop of a hat, no more bickering, no more reign over the music, no more stern glances through the rearview mirror, no more "Shut up, Wheeler, or you're leaving the car."

No more "Thanks, Steve!", no more "I'll bring some of mom's cookies if you drive us to the arcade", no more "You're the best" or "You're a lifesaver" or "I owe you one".

No more place for him in the group, no more use for him, no more...

No more. Nothing. Now he's just Steve, would-be lifesaver, 'has-been babysitter', 'could-have-been somebody until he lost his license to drive because he wasn't quick enough, wasn't good enough, wasn't strong enough'. Just Steve.

He doesn't know how to be that. Who is Steve Harrington without his car, without the one thing he was good for anymore?

The pit in his chest is deep enough, dark enough to pull him in, and for a moment the very thing he is good for is misery.

He waits until a nurse makes everyone leave for the night, and then he cries. It makes his head hurt, pressure building behind his eyes, but he's used to being in more pain than any teenager should be in, so he curls in on himself and hides underneath the blanket.

Here's to hoping the others won't notice just how useless he is now. Not too soon, anyway. He wants another month. A painless month filled with laughter and hugs, and then they're free to leave, to pull back slowly. Calls unanswered, radio channels changed so he won't reach them, sheepish apologies and rain checks, because now Nancy will drive them. Or Jonathan. Hell, maybe Max will take the risk just to avoid him.

---

He gets a week of daily visits in the hospital, the doctors and nurses insisting on keeping him here, a watchful eye on his vitals, scanning his head three times during his stay, insisting he has head trauma of a severely worrying degree.

Nancy picks him up from the hospital and it's awkward, tense, too much left unsaid between them but there's no one else to do it. Steve's hands are shaking, gripping the seatbelt the whole way home – and then his heart falls when he sees his Beemer in the driveway. The glorious, trusty, wonderful, best fucking car anyone could wish for. His baby. His.

He throw up into the brushes when he realises that he won't get to take it on one last ride. Maybe he shouldn't be so attached to a car. Maybe he's being pathetic about it. At least he can explain away the fat tears in his eyes now, and Nancy doesn't press.

The first thing he does when Nancy is gone is calling Robin, and she's excited when she says, "I'll come right over!" and Steve wants to ask, how, but he keeps his mouth shut, biting his lip. It's stupid, but the thought of someone else driving Robin over makes his skin crawl.

"Alright," he says instead, his voice raspy, and he hangs up before she can detect something in his voice.

After that, he goes outside again and runs his hand along his Beemer. It's shining in the sun; he had it cleaned the other week, the full program, every step in the book to celebrate four years since he got her.

"Four years, huh," Steve says, his nail catching on a minor scratch that isn't even visible but might be more familiar to him than even his home. "Damn good four years."

He's talking to his car. God, it's so stupid, it's so stupid, it's so stupid–

Steve's knees give out and he gives in to the desire that's burning under his skin sometimes, the desire to just sit down and ignore the world. Because everything is less real when you're sitting down somewhere you're not meant to be, and the ground is warm, and Steve just wants the world to go. His head is leaning back against the warm metal of the driver's door, and he closes his eyes for a while, his head still spinning, his ears still ringing, everything still awful.

After a while, there’s a shadow followed by a weight settling down between him, a head landing on his shoulder, a hand taking his.

"I'm so sorry, Stevie," Robin says. The lack of dingus makes it more real, somehow. More tragic. More pathetic.

"I'll live." And it feels a bit like a lie.

---

He gets his month. A month filled with barbecues in his backyard, the kids coming by after school to check on him, and Robin has practically moved in. Joyce picks him up on Friday nights for dinner at their house for a change of scenery.

It’s a good month, though Steve feels trapped. Caged. A bird without his wings, a boy without his car. Steve without his one purpose, the one thing he was good for. He has to be picked up because they don’t trust him walking, or they have to come to his place. And soon the worried glances that are thrown his way are too much, caging him further, reminding him of what this is. A pity party — quite literally. No one trusts him anymore, there’s always someone jumping to help him, not caring or listening to his protests.

And he can’t leave, because “What if you have a seizure in your room?”

It makes him want to scream.

Maybe it shows, or maybe everyone’s just fed up with him now that he can’t provide his taxi services anymore, but after summer the Byers dinners stop and the kids pull away.

“Told you that’s all I’m good for,” Steve says with a mean, pained huff as he hangs up the phone. Claudia said Dustin isn’t home, but he could hear the kids in the background. It hurts more than it should.

“What is?” Robin asks from her place on the floor with her back against the wall.

“Nothing.”

She frowns. “Come on, dingus, you can’t start and then—“

“No, I mean it. Nothing. That’s what I’m good for now that I can’t drive them anymore.”

“Bullshit!” she says, and it comes out so harsh that it makes Steve flinch. He swallows. Right. Robin isn’t hear to listen to him whine about how he feels like he has no place in this town, in this group, in this life anymore now that his head is so fucked up he can’t even be trusted to live alone.

That’s why Robin is here, right?

The babysitter becomes the babysitted… or something.

She doesn’t care, not really. She doesn’t listen. She doesn’t ask.

“Steve, they’re kids.”

“Yeah, well. So am I.”

He turns away from her and ignores the tears threatening to fall. The door to his room falls shut and he would love to lock it just to make a point to the world at large, a point that it can’t shut him out if he shuts himself in, but he knows it’s too risky. If he has a seizure, Robin needs to get in.

He can’t even stay in his room alone without supervision anymore. What kind of a fuck-up is he becoming, where does it end? He’s already managed to chase away the kids, even Dustin only checks on him sporadically anymore, and it hurts. He wants to know why, wants to know what he did, how to take it back, how to get them back.

But then he remembers how it all started. Dustin needed a ride and someone to take a beating. Both of which he can’t do anymore without risking life and death of himself and others. He’s a safety hazard. He’s useless. He’s Steve fucking Harrington, which doesn’t mean anything anymore.

---

And then it’s spring, and Chrissy Cunningham is found dead in Eddie Munson’s trailer. The group is back together again, the Party assembled once more. And Steve, for a just one second, hopes that he can get it right this time, that he can do this again. One last time. Because Vecna slash Henry slash One surely is it.

But then they turn on him — even Eddie looks confused, which is a rather adorable look on him — the moment Steve tries to get a word in.

“You’re not coming with us, Steve.” That’s Dustin, and Steve just rolls his eyes, but then Robin joins in.

“Yeah, no, I’m with the gremlin on this, dingus.”

“Hey!”

“Oh shut it, Henderson.” She turns to him, her eyes softer but no less burning another hole inside Steve. “We can’t risk it, Steve.”

“Risk what?” It’s a challenge. His shoulders squared, his jaw clenched, he’s challenging her, and it’s cruel.

She holds his eyes, her expression icy, like he’s stupid. “We can’t risk you dying. We can’t risk you getting a seizure mid-fight or just by being in the Upside Down.”

“Hey, woah,” Eddie tries to get a word in, but Steve won’t hear him as the desperation, the loneliness, the feeling of being caged like a bird and still the only human left on a desolate planet, all that breaks free.

“We all know that dying in a fight is the only thing I’m good for anyway.”

The silence among their war council, as Max dubbed it, is deafening.

“What?” Lucas sounds small when he asks that, and Steve closes his eyes. He hadn’t meant for him to hear that. Any of them, actually. They weren’t supposed to know.

“Steve, that’s not true.” Dustin’s words are filled with disbelief and worry, and Steve hates the worry, it makes his skin crawl, it makes his heart race, it makes his fists clenched and it makes him want to scream again.

“What else then, huh?” he asks weakly. “What else is there? None of you even talk to me anymore since Starcourt. Since summer.”

“Because you were pulling away,” Nancy explains, though her words are weak and her mouth clicks shut when Steve looks at her.

“Because we’re scared.” Max this time, and Steve doesn’t want to look at her, doesn’t want to tell a child that she’s not allowed to be scared for him— not more than he is, anyway. It doesn’t make sense for him to be hurt. They don’t want him to die. That’s a good thing, right? They didn’t want to see him hurt, so they looked away. It makes sense.

But it also hurts.

Steve shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose before all but running from the trailer. He doesn’t make it far (“Stay close so we won’t have to worry”), just needs some fresh air and to sit down somewhere the world will become a bit less real again.

The stairs it is. He tries to breathe through the lump in his throat, clenching and unclenching his hands to get rid of the anger and the hurt and all that excess energy.

He doesn’t want to die, is the thing. The very thought makes him nauseous and panicky. He wants his life back. His car. The freedom to just jump in there and get away. He doesn’t want the cage or the worry or the hovering or the loneliness when he isolates himself from all that.

Face buried in his hands, Steve almost misses it when someone comes to sit beside him. The thick smell of leather and cigarettes tells him who it is without looking up.

Eddie doesn’t speak for a while, just sits with him as Steve calms down.

And then, after a while, he lights a cigarette and asks, “You get seizures, Harrington?”

Steve nods. “Sometimes.”

Eddie hums. “That sucks.”

He nods again, and then that’s that. But even though it was a rhetorical question and Eddie didn’t even need an answer, it feels pathetically good to be asked about something. About himself. It only makes the pit inside his chest deeper, cutting into his soul with a sharp edge, this tiny little moment of normalcy. He wants to cling to it. He wants to talk to Eddie. God, he hasn’t really talked to anyone in so long.

“Before Starcourt — remember, the mall? The fire? Yeah that was, uhm. More monster shit. And Russians who thought I was a spy and then… yeah. Anyway. Uh. We used to be friends, I think. The kids and I. They used to care — or I like to think that they did. And then I got one too many head injuries, and the seizures started, and then they… It became too much. For them, for me. And the caring stopped. And, like, it’s fine or whatever, but I still care, and I can’t let them do all that alone. I know that all I was good for was taking them somewhere with my car, but I can’t drive anymore, so now I’m just… I’m just Steve. No titles attached, no use or function or point.”

Eddie just stares at him, puzzled and intrigued and even a little sad, and Steve wants to laugh it off when the silence stretches.

“Sorry, that’s kind of a sob story, you—“

“Wait here,” Eddie says, stubbing out his cigarette before disappearing back into the trailer. Steve watches him with a confused frown but stays put. A minute later, the door flies open and a scandalised looking Max appears, followed by the rest of the crew.

“You what?!”

“Uh,” Steve blinks. “I what?”

“Eddie told us you think you’re useless and that we don’t like you and that all you were ever good for is driving us from A to B with, like, no personal value whatsoever,” Dustin fills in, sounding no less bewildered. “Is that true, Steve?”

And God, the kid is so good at making all his questions sound like dares that Steve instinctively wants to swallow and negate it, tell them that Eddie misheard, that he’s fine, that everything fine.

But then Robin’s whispered little, “Steve” stops him from doing that. In fact, the sadness and confusion on their faces makes the dams break once more, confronted with months of spiralling and no one to drag him out, no one to listen.

Tears spring to his eyes and he gets up from the stairs to properly face them. He shrugs. It’s as much of a confirmation as anything.

And then Dustin sprints forward and tackle-hugs him, burying his face in Steve’s chest with no intention to let go anytime soon.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles into Steve’s shirt and Steve runs a hand through his hair immediately.

“It’s okay, Dustin.”

“No! It’s fucking not okay, Steve, stop saying that. You’re my big brother, you’re my best friend, you’re my hero! You’re the coolest guy I know and nothing’s gonna change that, okay?”

“Then why’d you leave?” His voice is so small, but Dustin only hugs him tighter.

“Because you were hurting and I was… I feel like all of that is my fault.”

“Why would it be your fault, Dustin?”

He shrugs, and it breaks Steve’s heart. Dustin thinks everything is his fault just like Steve thinks it’s his.

“It’s me who got you into the thing with the Russians. I insisted. And you were tortured for it, Steve! You… You told us to go, and we did, and then we came back and you were— you-“

“Hey,” Steve whispers, curling himself around and over Dustin. “Hey, no, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. None of that.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry I pulled away, Steve,” Dustin sniffles and looks up at him. “I swear it’s not because I think you’re useless. It’s just… I’m so scared.”

And it makes sense, somehow. The anger leaves Steve when he whispers, “Me too. And I don’t like it when you’re all scared and worried. I hate it.”

“I know. Sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Shut up.”

And then they’re both laughing with tears in their eyes. Lucas and Max join them with their own promises that Steve isn’t worthless to them.

“Did you read my letter? You know, the one if…”

“No,” Steve says. “You told me not to.”

“Right. Anyway, read it. Whatever happens, I want you to read it. Because you’re my brother and you mean too much for me to, like, never let you know. But, uh. Billy died. And I hated him, but it fucked me up. And then you almost died, and then you almost died again; and then you just… collapsed. And I thought, I cant do this again, not with someone I actually like. Not with you. And I didn’t wanna watch. I watched Billy. I… I can’t watch you die, Steve.”

She’s crying by the end of it, and Steve pulls her against his chest. Shit, he hadn’t meant to make anyone cry like that.

“It’s okay, Max, I get it.”

“Not okay,” she shakes her head again. “I know it’s not. But—“

“I know.” He’s stroking through her hair. “I know.”

“Uh, guys? I hate to break up the heartfelt confession time,” Eddie chimes in. “But I think our window is closing.”

Right. The end of the world.

With one last squeeze to Max’s shoulders, he lets her go and they gather their things. Discussions about Steve’s joining their mission have been put on hold while their window is still open. They can continue this later.

Nancy drives while Max holds Steve’s hand in the back. They don’t talk and she has her headphones on, letting Kate Bush work her magic, but it’s fine. It feels a bit like healing.

He catches Eddie’s eyes on the other side and holds them for a while. Eddie smiles before looking away, and Steve does the same.

---

In the end, Steve doesn't climb the rope with them. He stays behind in Eddie's trailer even though every fibre of his being screams at him to join. But Nancy has a point when she explains to him that she and Robin got this. It's the first time he stays behind, and he hopes it will be the last.

They hug him before leaving, all of them. Promises are made to talk about this later, after, and he nods.

"Go save the world for me," he tells Robin, holding her tight, unwilling to let go.

"Only for you," she promises, and kisses his cheek before pulling away. "You better be right here when we come back."

He shrugs and gives her an encouraging smile. "I've got nowhere else to be, Buckley. Now go." The last words are whispered and it feels like goodbye. Steve should join them, he should be there! But his head is pulsing and he knows that one wrong move could leave him half blind with a migraine, and they don't need one more handicap.

The one thing he can do, though, is helping them climb the rope, and it makes him feel ridiculously proud, seeing them land safely on the other side, smiling up (or down?) at him. Robin and Nancy wave one last time before heading off.

That leaves him alone with Eddie and Dustin. The latter is already climbing the rope, itching to finally do something, preparing the trailer for their plan.

Only Eddie is left, and Steve looks over at him.

"Will you be okay, Steve?"

"Sure."

Eddie sighs and looks up at the gate, disbelief and resignation and even a hint of fascination in his eyes.

"It should be you," he says, and Steve frowns, confused. "You're the hero here."

"No," Steve huffs, smiling at the metalhead. "No, I'm no hero. The real heroes are already up there, and in California. The real hero died after Starcourt. I'm just the driver who lost his license, the boy with the bat. The protector who needs to be protected."

Eddie looks at him again, that kind of intense stare, the one that shows Steve that Eddie sees something in him. He wonders what it is, but isn't sure he wants to know.

"I think you're wrong, Steve." He says it with such gentle conviction that it takes Steve's breath away for a second, and something passes between them as they hold each other's eyes.

Eddie opens his mouth to say something, but then–

"Eddie!" Dustin is calling for him from the other side, and the boys snap out of their daze.

Steve steps into Eddie's personal space and pulls him to his chest. "Make him pay," he says. "But stay safe. Come back, okay? First sign of danger, you abort mission. Come back, Eddie. I'll be right here."

"Yeah," Eddie rasps, and he squeezes Steve once more. "Catch me when I fall through that gate in two hours?"

Steve laughs, a sad little thing, and he pushes Eddie away from him, hands steady on his shoulders. "Sure, big boy."

"Hey, that's my part."

"Say it when you come back, then."

This thing passes between them again, and then Eddie goes to climb the rope. Steve's hands find their way to his hips, steadying him, but Eddie is strong enough to pull himself up without problem. Huh.

"In the meantime, wrap your head around the fact that you're the one I'm coming back for, pretty boy."

And then Eddie is gone. Steve watches as he falls through the gate, landing on the mattress with more elegance this time, and then he, too, grins down (or up?) at Steve.

He gives a little wave, and then he is alone.

Plenty of room to think when your friends have gone on a suicide mission and you're the one who has to stay behind. The one who will have to do the explaining when things go south. The one who will have to watch and listen, helpless.

It makes him regret the past few months, the self isolation, all the times he pulled back, all the times he didn't push for an explanation or a conversation, all the times he hadn't asked the kids if they're alright because he was too caught up in all the ways that he wasn't.

God, he wants them to be okay. He wants to talk about this, wants them to tell him he's more than the driver without a license, more than the protector who needs protecting. He wants Eddie to come back and explain what he meant, say what he wanted to say. He wants...

He wants his old life back. But more than that, he wants them in his new life just as much. He wants to be brave enough for this new life and find a new purpose. Create one if he can't find it.

But he can't do it alone. He refuses to do it alone even one day more.

"Come back to me," he whispers, looking up at the gate from where he's sitting on the floor, back against the wall. "Come on guys, you've got this. Please work. Please, make the plan work."

And then, miraculously, it does. Eddie falls into his arms with an undignified squeal and the rest of the Party soon follow. They're unscathed, miraculously, and Steve cries as he holds them, all of them, in a group hug that makes the trailer smell like relief and grief and a new life ahead of them. Slowly, with an unnatural sound, the gate above them closes, and then silence reigns.

They cling to him now. Refuse to let go. Good thing he has nowhere to go as Lucas gasps and sobs into his chest, explaining what happened, that Jason almost destroyed the walkman, that Max could have died. And Steve runs shaky hands through his hair, pulling in Max, too, so the three of them can just hold each other for a second.

Dustin and Eddie are hugging beside them, and Nancy and Robin hold hands, a different kind of horror in their eyes, but they smile wetly at Steve as their eyes meet.

It's over. It's done.

They did it. They really did it.

Steve closes his eyes and holds Lucas and Max tighter. They don't complain.

---

Three days later, Steve's house is brimming with life again like it hasn't in months. Turns out, Hopper survived, and he hugged Steve for a whole five minutes, telling him he did good, he did great, he's a hero. Again with that shit that Steve doesn't believe, but he doesn't have the heart to tell Hop, so he just buries deeper into their embrace.

"It's good you're alive," he tells him, and the Chief sobs out a laugh.

"You too, kid. This town would be lost without you."

"Yeah, right," Steve laughs back, and then that is that.

Except, it isn't, because when he returns to the living room with Hop, Joyce and El in tow, everyone's standing, looking at him with timid expressions. Robin and Eddie are holding hands this time, and so are all the kids. They all look like they have something to say, and the only thing missing is a large banner that says INTERVENTION.

"Uh, what's going on?"

Dustin is the first to clear his throat, but only after Erica kicks him. "We wanted to apologise. For leaving you when you needed us the most."

Oh. Steve's shaking his head, placating words already on the tip of his tongue, ready to explain to them how that's not their fault, how that was all him, he could have said something, he could have asked, he could have–

"Steve," Nancy says, effectively cutting off any protest he could have voiced. "Just listen, okay? Don't say anything."

He looks at Joyce, who nods, and Hopper who looks about as lost as he feels.

Dustin continues then. "You deserved better, Steve, you really, really did. We all did, I think, but you... You put yourself in harm's way from the get-go."

"Yeah, you came to protect me when you didn't even like me." Jonathan this time. "No thoughts, just protection. I owe my life to you. Every single one in this room does, y'know."

"And what you got for it is severe head trauma and... us abandoning you." Nancy.

"You're not just the driver, Steve. You never were just a driver to us." Hell, even Mike is in on this? "You're annoying, you suck, and you don't even try not to act like you're everyone's big brother."

"You're family, Steve." Oh, baby Byers. That's what gets his eyes stinging and his lip trembling, so he bites down on it so they won't have to see. It's futile with the way they're smiling.

"Yeah. You're so much more than our babysitter," Lucas explains. "You're the best basketball coach."

"You actually listen to my music and read comics with me," Max continues with a smile. "You suck just a little less than everyone else in this town."

"Hey!"

"No, she has a point."

Steve's not keeping up with the who's who anymore, he's trying too hard to keep it together.

"You teach me new words," El says, smiling. "You give me your clothes, you take me shopping, you teach me how to deal with meanies."

And the list goes on. Everyone has something to say to him, something beyond the ways he can be useful. Something that he is to them, something meaningful, something that sounds a lot like purpose and family.

"And we were so scared, because you were hurt. Because of us. You were protecting us, and look where it got you. You're a hero, Steve. As real as they get, you are one."

"More than Wonder Woman," Max agrees. "More than Superman. You're Steve! And that's... He’s our hero."

"He’s our brother," Dustin says.

"He’s my son," Joyce adds, taking his hand.

"He’s our friend," Erica, Mike and El say in unison.

“He’s the one we stay for.” Robin’s eyes shine as she smiles.

“And the one we come back for.” Eddie’s smile is gentle, confident, and captivating. Steve can’t look away, even through his own tears.

---

In the following months, Robin gets her license and Eddie develops a sixth sense for whenever Steve needs to just sit in a car and ride around town, watching the street lamps pass and letting them lull him to sleep. There’s an upside to being a passenger, he finds, because he falls asleep like this a few times, always waking when Eddie kills the engine. He drives for hours sometimes, admitting with a blush high on his cheeks that he didn’t want to wake Steve.

Somewhere on the highway to Indianapolis, between three and four in the morning, Steve looks at Eddie in the soft glow of the night, and finds that he’s fallen in love.

And in the weeks and months and years that follow, he realises that that’s something new he’s good at.

#stranger things #steve & the party #steddie #steddie fic #but also not really. steddie is just something that happens along the way #this was meant to be short but uh. uh. whoops?#hi anna i am sorry feel free to ignore this i could have made this easier in everyone but they’re teenagers with trauma dammit #dio words #actually i just wanted an excuse to make steve sad. if you know me you know

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