#hes doubting his orders because he doesnt want to hurt them and seeing them express sadness like that makes it harder for him to take her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shuttershocky · 3 years

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If you could make a trigger warning list for Tsukihime, what would be on it? There's a lot of people who are just getting interested in it with the remake (myself included) and I think having a tw list would be a really nice thing for those getting in now. If you can't remember every scene, a general list is good enough!

Oh boy.

Ohhhhhhhh boyyyyyyyyy.

Alright. So. A little bit of explanation: there's a reason why Nasu actually wants to remake this game. Tsukihime is by miles his darkest and most brutal work, and a lot of it is completely unnecessary edginess made by poor and almost literally starving Nasu and Takeuchi. Kara No Kyoukai wasn't exactly making waves, and the two were living on cup noodles and working other jobs to keep themselves afloat. To finish the VN Takeuchi even made Nasu quit his job and worked two in his stead (biking home in-between said jobs to do art) just so Nasu would have time to write. The nastiness of what they felt at the time is everywhere in the script, and it speaks to Nasu's talent that what came out wasn't complete edgelord garbage.

Did you ever read the original Fate/Stay Night? Did you get taken abrupt when Illya and Berserker first attack Shirou, Rin, and Saber, and Illya orders Berserker to behead Saber and rape the corpse so that Saber would rather die than continue to regenerate and fight? Did you think that kinda came out of nowhere and was unnecessary? The Realta Nua rerelease didn't just remove all the bad sex scenes, they removed lines like those entirely.

Tsukihime has waaaaaaaay more of that, and unlike Fate/Stay Night it couldn't easily edit all of them out and get rereleased without changing the story. It needed to be rebuilt from the ground up.

Personally, I've been so excited for the remake because Nasu has expressed regret before on how misogynistic his writing was before. Specifically he was asked in an interview about his focus on female characters in his works and he something like "I've been told before 'Nasu respects womens rights' because of all the powerful girls in my works, but looking back I can clearly see my own prejudices" especially singling out how Shirou treated Saber in the Fate route and how Tohno Shiki needed to get uppercut by Arcueid. I'm far more excited to see how Nasu will approach Tsukihime with that hindsight in mind more than I am about the visual and music upgrades the VN will get. I don't think Nasu wants to (or even should) remove all the problematic content of the original Tsukihime as this IS a work of horror, but a lot of editing would greatly improve the script.

Releasing Tsukihime R on PS4 isn't just a message of a console release, it's a sign that things will be different this time due to Sony's strict rules (that do not apply to its first party games apparently).

With that being said, a general trigger warning list from memory:

1.) There is a LOT of rape and sexual assault. Mentions of the act, internal narration from characters witnessing or attempting to find someone to rape, Shiki can straight up rape two of the girls on two seperate routes if he makes the wrong choice (he will be killed the day after). There's also a line where Shiki tells Ciel that if she doesn't do what he says, he'll rape her. The context there is that he's extremely weak and she can snap him like a twig so he just shouts the most hurtful thing he can think of, but it's still dumb. If I remember correctly, there's a choice that makes Shiki sexually assault Hisui and it DOESNT lead to a dead end, with most guides recommending that choice to get the CGs. I got annoyed and that's when I made my own guide for the route.

2.) Unknown to Shiki, his family's bloodline carries a powerful violent impulse to kill any non-human they see, strong enough to temporarily take over their wills and delight in murder by conflating it with sexual pleasure. The first time Shiki sees Arcueid, he falls into a trance and stalks her back home before brutally cutting her up into 17 pieces and experiences multiple orgasms while doing so. He then comes to his senses and starts vomiting and crying from what he just did and the shame of how much he enjoyed doing it. They're not taking this scene out (It's in the remake PV) but I'm preeeettyyyy sure Shiki's narration won't suddenly talk about how much his dick is loving this.

3.) Incest. Akiha is Shiki's sister. She's also a romantic interest. Technically they're adopted so it's not incest and they haven't seen each other in 8 years so it's not like they grew up together the whole time, but any tine you got to say "technically it's not incest", it's not great. I heavily doubt this is getting removed from the Remake as it's, you know, a whole route. On the other hand, Akiha has a biological brother, and he is creepy about her so that's 100% guaranteed ick right there, but fortunately he never goes far enough that you can tell if he's a sicko or if he's just really possessive of his sister.

4.) Kohaku's backstory. Koha-Ace once joked that this is the true reason the Remake took so long. It forms the backbone of Tsukihime and one of the main threads that ties everything together, but also Kohaku is the middle link between Fujino and Sakura. You can guess what that means.

5.) Heavy gaslighting, heavier drugs. Both Shiki's past and his present in the far side routes involve an almost hilarious relationship to the truth. Everyfuckingbody is lying to Shiki, and his father literally gaslights him with magic by using hypnosis to conveniently erase some traumatic memories that the old man is responsible for and replace them with falsehoods. Shiki nonchalantly talks about his terrible memory when it comes to his childhood throughout the VN, but the actual reason for that is that he got gaslit to hell and back. In the present, Shiki gets drugged out of his mind by someone in his house, and experiences long and detailed hallucinations, all the while being told by his family that nothing is going on. It becomes difficult to tell what's really going on; if he's really walking around town or if he's in bed babbling at the ceiling. It is terrifying and is a part of what gives the Far Side routes great psychological horror, but it still deserves a TW.

6.) Suicide. At least one character kills themselves onscreen.

7.) Torture. In the Ciel route, Roa tortures someone by repeatedly and slowly stabbing blades into them while Shiki is forced to watch. It goes on for a while.

8.) Grooming. This particular bit isn't a part of the Tsukihime VN itself, but more of a fandom joke thanks to Carnival Phantasm. A big part of Shiki's backstory is meeting the mage Aozaki Aoko as an 8 year old and her teaching him about life in the short time they have together. Due to Shiki's nature he almost certainly would have become an evil person, but meeting Aoko instilled a moral compass in him that is the only thing he has to fight his impulses, which is why Shiki loves his sensei so dearly. Melty Blood later made a joke that Aoko is mad she never got a route in Tsukihime, and Carnival Phantasm later had a whole scene stating the real reason Aoko cared for Shiki was that she was grooming him to be her boyfriend as soon as he turned of age. It's super gross and a perversion of what is literally the sole wholesome relationship Shiki has and the only reason there is any good in him at all. I really fucking hate this joke among all others in the Tsukihime fandom.

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ready-to-obeyme · 4 years

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[OM!] Angel!AU Demon Brother as Your Guardian Angel

Scenario: Residing as angels in the Celestial Realm, the brothers have been assigned to watch over you to guide and protect you. How they do so is up to their discretion. (And if they fall in love with you, well...)

Note: gender neutral headcanons; if i had to choose a timeline, satan exists but belphie doesnt hate humans yet and lilith is alive 🤪, the boys retained their personalities that we all know and love -- it really just be them with guardian angel duties--- bonus angel is Lilith ;)

inspiration from [link] and their other angel!au videos (they’re all adults in this post btw) and [link] (yes just this post; apparently my guardian angel Lucifer is in awe of me... for being dumb as FUCK--)

Lucifer

a little affronted he has to take time to look after a human as a seraph but doesn't vocalize it as much since it's direct orders from his father

isn't one to directly intervene in your life much because he doesn't see the need to nor does he want to; a little haughty ngl about being an angel and you being a human

there is no guideline to being a guardian angel and making sure you don’t die before your time is his Main Priority

he's not going to stop you from eating a whole family sized Dorito bag by yourself or from staying awake till 4am-- those bad decisions are on YOU

finds a little pleasure from seeing the consequences of your actions for a while, but eventually just judges you for everything you do

"why aren't you studying? isn't the midterm tomorrow?"

"when was the last time this human ate?"

"why are you dating that person?"

grumbles over you and your life choices, but is now just actually concerned and hoping you'll be able to make better choices for your own health and happiness; he is now officially Invested as Guardian Angel, don’t you dare laugh at him Michael

if he does utilize his powers to influence you, it comes in subtle hints-- the wind blowing in your hair so you look a certain direction, a sudden bright light to wake you up so you sleep properly in a bed and not a desk... maybe appearing in your room for just a moment to place a blanket over your shoulders

realizes he has… feelings when you perform a good deed or grow as a person and he feels immensely proud and happy for you; has to really keep himself in check to not intervene in your life in more menial, though still helpful, ways

humbled by your growth and change as you become a better person

finally reveals himself to you (by accident) when he has to physically come and save you from danger and then proceeds to yell at you in anger (read: worry) about safety and doesn’t leave your side

Mammon

similarly to Lucifer, grumbles about having to take time to babysit a human but quickly becomes invested in your life at record speed (typical Mammon)

unnecessarily and excessively worried at times even for things that isn't actually putting you in danger

"WHAT THE HELL HUMAN, LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE YOU CROSS THE STREET--"

"NO NO NO, BRING YOUR PEPPER SPRAY WITH YOU! I don't care if you’re just walking to the adjacent apartment, BRING IT!"

eventually just ends up storming down to the human realm and """attempts""" to be subtle

if you placed the spray on the table, you turn and it's in your bag again. weird.

pretty sure you could have done a pretty good paranormal activity video with the weird stuff happening in your life when mammon is not-so-secretly intervening in your life

attempts do not last long because mammon's patience grows thin and he suddenly pops into your life and demand you be more careful

probably meets you by slapping your hand away from buying another random but expensive plushie even though you can barely afford it and you just stare at him like he's crazy as he explains that he's your guardian angel

'My Guardian Angel as My Roommate' becomes the title of your life or alternatively 'My Guardian Angel and I are Both Idiots'

the genre of your life is now officially a rom com

his main excuse for being constantly at your side (and it's NOT because he likes you a lot) is "how else am I gonna be prepared to protect you from anything that wants to hurt you?? you would have died 1000x over without me" which is a lie but it's okay he pays rent

hold his hand and tell him it’s so you don’t get lost and he’ll blush but never let go of your hand

Leviathan

life is a simulation

or rather, your life is

once he gets assigned to you, he observes you for a while-- and it looked like he was going to leave you be for the most part, when one Bad Choice has him popping up right in front of you

he slaps away the tub of ice cream you were gonna binge eat

"human, stop eating that crap! your stats are gonna suffer!!!"

super insistent in telling you to do something that good for you and is pretty stubborn when it comes to decisions that benefit your health and career

"noob, hurry up and level up your intelligence or you're gonna fail your exams"

"is life a game to you"

"yes, and you are losing. but have no fear, I am your walkthrough."

joking aside, Levi is pretty supportive of you, in the way Belphie is to his human-- he just words things in gaming terms like stats, energy, leveling up, exp

did not expect to get gratitude from this gig, but when you express your true appreciation for his care, he doesn't know what to do (starts crying maybe?)

his advice starts veering away from just lifestyle and health but to more human aspects; he offers a listening ear and supportive compliments whenever needed

because it turns out he cares for you a whole lot more than if this was really all just a game to him and ends up caring about your general happiness and is more considerate about your feelings

Finds himself being super casual with you and talking about your favorite show and has to catch himself from speaking so quickly-- can’t have the human thinking he… adores you

Satan

has no qualms with coming to the human realm to watch over you, but is fine with not immediately being a part of your life or intervening as much as Mammon or Belphie

ironically, as a man who was originally never born as an angel, he does his duties in a manner most befitting manner of one

subtly inserts himself into small parts of your life, persisting off small interactions

he's the guy at the counter when you needed to find a book, he's the one who picks up your hydroflask and returns it to the lost and found, he's the one telling you your backpack is open before anything spills out

he doesn't know but you jokingly dub him your guardian angel, even if you don't know who he actually is but never have the courage to speak up-- also mainly because he flits in and out of your life so fast you don’t even have the chance to say “oh, by the way, what’s your name?”

Satan is content with how he is more of a passing moment in your life, so this way you can still live your life the way you want it without much interference from an outside source because he respects your choices and the concept of free will that all humans have

truly believes that the best course of action and his duty as your guardian angel is to see you live your life the way you want to-- and if can help out a little or give you a little nudge in the right way, then that’s fine by him

Prefers to be on the sidelines and watch you become your own person and-- well, it’s a bit hard not getting attached to you when he sees you trip over yourself over someone you like or help someone out with their books when they dropped them

eventually does have to step in in a more meaningful way when you accidentally endanger yourself and he wards it off or catches you before you hurt yourself

at that point it was hard to pretend not being a part of your life when he's helped you so often-- and the fact that you're infatuated with him and asked him out

(he probably doesn't even realize how suave and prince charming he looks lmao)

Asmodeus

chooses to watch over you from above more but doesn't mind just popping down to the human realm just to have some fun at the same event you're in

lives through all your moments with you; laughs when you laugh and cries when you cry and genuinely enjoys seeing you go through life, living and learning

generally leaves you to your own devices unless there's something really pressing

utterly cannot stop himself from intervening if you have doubts about yourself or if you struggle with self-love

loves appearing in dreams to dish out advice and tell you to love yourself, forgive yourself more, and to seek happiness because you deserve it

you don't remember the dreams exactly, but you do remember the sentiment within it and sometimes the fuzzy image of a beautiful angel you aren't sure you've seen irl but you chalk it up to seeing the face of strangers you’ve seen (which is... technically true)

dreams are his main way of communicating with you, and he also just thinks the mystery and anonymity is kinda exciting-- but sometimes he just spends a lot of your dreams just talking to you and getting to know you more intimately and seeing things from your perspective

sometimes enjoys being in your lucid dreams when you’re pretty aware and you go on some really whacky dream-induced adventure

loves you like no other and truly wishes the best for you

accidentally reveals himself to you during a party where you meet face to face

"I've feel like I've seen you before…"

"Haha, well that's because I've been in your dreams! They were pretty pleasant weren't they?"

you think he’s kidding for a long time-- and honestly he’s not even trying to hide the fact that he’s your Guardian Angel, considering he tells you all the time “Honey, I’m you’re Guardian Angel” or “Of course I’m here for you! I’m your Guardian Angel!”

but the way he says it makes it feel like that’s just a nickname, not an official TITLE

floored when you actually see his WINGS and turns out you’ve been in love with an actually angel this entire time

Beelzebub

similar to Asmo and Satan, he doesn't really feel the need to insert himself into your life

instead, he's wherever you are… but in the background, eating at a table in a far corner or walking casually across the street from where you are

very inconspicuous and surprisingly good at keeping a distance, whether he intends to or not

he just looks very natural doing whatever he is doing at any time, but often accidentally ends up in the background of a photo or selfie without people noticing

as your Guardian Angel, he watches over you by stopping anyone with ill intent from approaching you... like the obvious ones like mugging and stuff; he wishes he could protect you from bad people too but he respectfully keeps his distance and allows you to make mistakes and grow from it

it infuriates him when people take advantage of your kindness

(though if the person that hurt you emotionally meets Beel in an alley...)

is very taken aback when YOU are the one approaching HIM asking for the time or if you could grab something on the high shelf for you

actually pretty flustered when you do interact with him because he was distracted doing other stuff he never expected you to notice him

Beel is the definition of a Guardian Angel-- a sentinel, standing on guard to protect you from danger and physical harm-- and he does exactly that when the time comes

most likely to save you from something dramatic like a car incoming or a fight

doesn't really understand why you trust him so easily or so wholeheartedly even after he saved you because he thought he would look intimidating

(he did, until you asked him for the time and he spoke with his mouth full of burgers or stammered out a 'you're welcome' when you smiled at him at the library)

Beel doesn't know until much later that he's dubbed as your gentle giant

Belphegor

like some of the others, doesn't like to influence your choices as much-- not because of free will or anything like that, but because he likes humans because of who they are and what they do

(and also he’s too lazy to be hovering around you trying to control your every move anyhow)

and man are humans, especially you, interesting

why is that human drinking from that person's navel? no clue but it looks fun

why is that human consuming whipped cheese with waffles? no idea, but he wouldn't get this much free entertainment without it

has no problems integrating himself into your life as your friend or roommate just to watch everything unfold in person and to tease you for your mildly questionable decisions in life

“Belphie, why didn’t you stop me from eating that last bowl of cereal?”

“Eh, I thought it would be kind of funny.”

isn't one to go out of his way to do something to influence you, but he does encourage you to do the things you want to do, whether they be good or mildly questionable ones-- but especially the fun ones like joining a new club or going to town to have fun (which you do drag him along to every time)

does steer you away from making Bad Decisions like murder or whatever, but he thinks most choices are pretty neutral and does help you process the consequences, both good and bad, of what happened

so he's integrated himself as your friend, offers advice and supports your decisions no matter what, and subtly looks out for you… and he's surprised when one day you confess to him that you like him???

this was NOT part of the plan but he would be lying to himself if he said he didn't end up falling for you too after seeing all sides of you and watching you grow as a person

Lilith

watches more from afar, because as much as she loves humans like Belphie, she is a little shy about meeting you

curiosity does triumph over shyness eventually, and she does surveillance distantly like Beel before winding up being directly in your life like Belphie (siblings am i right)

her brothers would keep trying to give her input on how she should interact with you or guide you but she brushes them away with a huff because she thinks she's doing a fine job thank you very much!

or so she's pretty sure, considering you're hanging out with her, seriously listening to her advice, buying her gifts... cuddling in bed with her if you’re attracted to her

if you do like her and want to date her, she has to be ready to somehow defend you from the only danger in your life, which turns out to be her brothers

if not, you two live happy lives as the best of friends, though the brothers can never be too careful with their darling sister

likes updating about your life to her brothers and they're lowkey jealous

doesn’t actually have to reveal herself as an angel unless you somehow find out... or because Mammon and Lucifer come down and threatens bodily harm if you hurt Lilith (wait, who’s watching over who now??)

hold up this is setting up for exactly what happens in the canon storyline

#obey me headcanons #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #this is my.... fourth time trying to get the tags to work #still i liked writing this and i hope people enjoy it too :'))

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warmau · 4 years

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☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au taeyong hbbd to our beloved leader! | find others here: johnny | haechan | taeil

mark is giving you a quizzical look from over the counter, fingers tapping against the register

“taeyong? no, i haven’t seen him. doesn’t he usually disappear during the summer?

mark is right

taeyong does tend to vanish just as the weather gets warmer and there isn’t an excuse of class or work for him to make his presence known

you heard rumors about how his parents send him abroad to some kind of family owned estate, vast and beautiful and far away from the mundane place you call home

everyone is always saying he’s hiding something. that something, everyone whispers is money

he has to be rich, no one else has the kind of luxury of having a summer long holiday to the other side of the world

but you doubt it, if his family is so loaded, taeyong wouldn’t be spending the rest of the year sitting across from you in physics

you’re sure wealthy kids can afford something better than public schools

“actually......”

you look up and mark takes of the uniform hat he’s supposed to wear for his job at the local burger joint, he scratches the top of his head and then snaps his fingers

“i did see him not too long ago, maybe - on monday? he was standing next to his bike in front of the trails.”

“as in the forest trails?”

mark nods, he looks like he wants to say something else but the voice of his manager makes him scurry to the back with a final a wave

you take the medium soda you ordered, the ice melted and the cup wet under your fingertips

whats taeyong doing going to the mountains all alone?

its getting dark by the time you make your way halfway through the trail, you know mark said he saw taeyong monday and its been three days since then

but you just wanted to make sure, even though you’re here and you haven’t seen one other person through the trees

finally you think you should turn around and go back - but you look to the side and spot a bike leaned up against a mossy, large boulder

its off the trail - so its kind of creepy - but you inch just a bit closer, close enough to see taeyongs name scribbled on the middle bar, below the seat

the clouds are slowly and surely coming in over the light blue sky, so now its just going to get dark and rain

but you think just exploring for another five or so minutes cant hurt

you push past some bushes and wander until you finally pull back some branches from a sagging old willow and see the entrance to a small, but open meadow

in the middle of it - someone is splayed out and reaching up toward the sun

“t-taeyong?”

his hand drops and turns his head, the last droplets of sunlight flicker off his skin

he doesn’t say anything for a while and neither do you

until he sits up and asks you what you’re doing off the trail

you know you can ask him the same thing, but something stops you from stringing the sentence together

instead you feel the darker clouds grow heavy in the sky and soon enough you feel the drizzle

“i just got lost’

you lie and taeyong stands up from the meadow, pointing behind you

“we should go before the storm comes all the way in.”

taeyong leads the way back to the main path, grabbing his bike as you two make way back down to the opening of the forest

you sort of fall behind him, eyes on the broad of his back

you want to make conversation - but you dont know what to say

once you reach the end, the rain has gotten stronger and you ask taeyong if he wants you to drive him back to his place

motioning shyly to your car

he smiles, and even through the darkening weather, it seems to make his face glow

“that’s alright, thanks.”

and then he hops on his bike, his figure smaller and smaller as he rides down the road

you watch it, getting drenched in the process, but something about seeing him makes the rain feel like nothing more than morning dew

you go back to the meadow the next day, earlier - closer to noon - and taeyong is there

at first you tell yourself: stop being weird, just turn around and leave him alone. you might have had classes with him but its not like you two were even friends! hes going to think you’re crazy for showing up here again!

but something inside you refuses to let you give up

you clear your throat and call out to him

taeyong doesn’t turn his head this time, in fact he doesn’t move from where he’s flat on his back in the middle of the grass and wild flowers

panic sets over you and you rush over, knees hitting the ground as you hover over him

his eyes are closed, but the corner of his mouth twitches a bit at the small sound that you make

he’s just sleeping.

you realize, tracing the godly lines that make up his almost impossibly handsome face

he manages to look magical even like this.

“hello?”

taeyong’s eyes are open now - lazily, amber browns staring up at you curiously

you jerk your head away and feel your shoulders stiffen

what do i say? what do i do? he must think im such a freak-

“are you lost again?”

his sits up, propping himself on his elbows and looking at you innocently

“n-no! i just - i um - since i know the way now. i mean i saw your bike again. i just - um-”

the words get tangled in your mouth and so you give up and taeyong doesn’t look as annoyed or as angry as you expect

he just smiles, the same smile he gave you when you two parted ways last night

“a-are you always here?”

you blurt out, trying to compensate for your lack of an answer to his original question

taeyong nods, “i am always here.”

“everyone thinks you go abroad during the summer, b-but you’re really here right?”

its weird that you pose it like a question, so you laugh it off in hopes he wont catch on

but taeyong turns his eyes back toward the sun and falls back against the pillow of flowers

“nope, i dont go abroad. im right here.”

you look up at the sky, nothing special about it, just bright and blinding like any summer days

you wonder how he doesnt get bored just ........... laying here and looking up at it

“people in town like it though.”

he suddenly adds and you shift so instead of sitting back on your heels, you’re laying down beside him

its the closest you’ve ever been to him and you have half a thought he might shift away uncomfortably when your elbows brush but ..... he doesnt

“like what?”

he pauses, a long pause and you almost think he isnt going to answer as your eyes trace the wings of a butterfly that pass by

“they like that i disappear. i think they like it better when im not around.”

you sit up, confused and look at taeyong

“but people are always talking about you-”

“right, but i dont think that means they like me.”

he follows the same butterfly you were just looking at and you try to think of a counterpoint to argue

but you cant

taeyong is the most talked about person in your town, from his statue like looks to the rumors circulating about his familys wealth

but

youve heard the jealousy-induced whispers too

you cant lie and say you havent

you carefully lay back down and take a second in the silence of the forest to think

“i like you.”

you hear taeyong turn his head but you’re nervous about saying it outloud and so you can’t bring yourself to read the expression he might be making

“i dont know much about you, but .......... i think i like you. we had one class together last semester, physics and you would always help me and other people. sometimes i wanted to ask if you wanted to come with me to go get lunch but i was-”

you’re rambling, your aware so you stop

but taeyong whispers,

“but you were?”

now you turn to look at him and you’re surprised to see the usual glassy far-off look in his eyes has turned serious

“i was sc-scared? i just thought you wouldnt care to ......... hang out with me?”

you think your palms are sweating and you hide them in your pockets, taeyong is looking at you - really looking at you - for the first time ever and it stirs a feeling youre not used to in the pit of your stomach

“i would have loved to.”

his voice is faint, but there’s no one else but you and him, so you hear him clearly

you giggle, a nervous habit, and then swallow it down

“well - now i know. ill invite you when- when the summer is over.”

he turns back and closes his eyes, the sun basks down on him like the grace of a goddess

nothing else is said. when it starts to darken, and your hungry stomach makes a noise that keeps you embarrassed

you and taeyong walk back down the trail. you offer him a ride again, but he says now and rides off with a smile

you get into this habit now, you get to the meadow - earlier and earlier - hoping one day to beat taeyong to it

but he’s always there before you

you also start bringing lunch and when you first offer half of the sandwich you’ve made to taeyong he looks too shy to take it

but on the third try, he gives in

you also..................talk a lot more with him

and realize you were right, taeyong is as kind as you had thought him to be

and his gentleness isnt lost on you from how he helps you up from the grassy meadow when its time to go - to how he talks in a small voice to forest creatures that scamper past you two

you never thought you’d end up spending your whole summer off the trail, laying around beside lee taeyong

but not a day of it feels wasted, even though you both do ultimately nothing

one evening, as you’re walking down the trail, you both come to a stop in front of the mossy rock that taeyong’s bike should be leaned up against

except that its gone

and for the first time - due to circumstance - taeyong accepts the ride back home

the car is quiet, as are the streets that you drive through to get to his house

suddenly, without any thought you ask taeyong;

“do you sometimes go up to the meadow because you want to disappear?”

you glance at him in the rearview mirror and see hes already looking at you

“not just because you think others want you too?”

his lips thin, but his eyes don’t flatter from yours

“yes.”

you nod, shoulders tightening a little as you focus your own gaze on the road

“a-are you ok with my company?”

you make a turn and are worried by the silence that follows. taeyong’s house is coming into view and you realize he could just get out without answering you

but when you come to a stop, neither of you moves a muscle

you let your hand drop from the wheel and just as it does, taeyong catches it

his fingers are warm and his palm is soft you let out a small gasp and turn to see he still has his eyes on you

“im fine with it.”

a dust of pink comes over the bridge of his nose and spreads down onto his cheeks

“im fine disappearing with you. no one said i had to do it alone.”

that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you get around him sometimes seems to bubble and burst into a flurry storm of wings and glitter inside you

your eyes move on their own, skimming down his face to his lips in an anxious line

holding his hand is different from all those times you’d lay elbow to elbow with him

and thinking about kissing him..................is a jump over a fence higher than just the thoughts youve had about getting to know him better

you think your shoulders shake and taeyong looks like he wants to lean in

but the lights on his porch flicker on, and he says he’ll see you tomorrow

his warmth leaves your hand, but right as he steps out of the car, you scramble over to the passengers seat

one hand on the window and you look at him

“h-how will you get to the meadow, without your bike?”

he startles, but frowns

“right,i think i can walk ther-”

“i can pick you up.”

taeyong smiles, this smile - as soft and as sweet as the rest - is just a bit more......happy.

“ok - can you come by at around nine?”

“i promise to be here.”

he hesitates and you cant believe you’re about to say this, but you do

“want to seal it with a kiss?”

he looks over his shoulder, his front door hasnt opened yet

he leans down and its a little awkward and weird, but its cute and when you break away you wave goodnight to him

and he trips over the sidewalk as he waves back

the next day, when you two are laying back in the flowers

you turn to him

“is it ok if we re-do our kiss?”

he laughs, “i wanted to ask too, kissing through a car window is a bit-”

you dont let him finish, rolling over to take his face in your own - you feel that smile of his on your lips

when summer comes to an end and taeyong shows back up in town, everyones gossip stirs back up

where’d he go this time, franc? italy? thailand? australia?

no, the only place he went - you want to tell them - is to the forest, and to that meadow, and to the center of your heart

you slip your hand into his when he comes to greet you outside one of the classroom

and all of the gossip dies at the tip of peoples tongues

even now all these years later

when you and taeyong want to “disappear” for a little while

there’s a secret space, just for you two

let everyone else think you’re off in some other place - some other country - some other continent

disappearing together, is way better than disappearing alone.

#taeyong scenarios #taeyong imagines #taeyong au #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct au #no i didnt think of this just because i literally ate up all of twilight today i literally already had this planned #nct 127 scenario #nct 127 au #nct 127 #lee taeyong #sfw

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notedchampagne · 4 years

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hey! im so sorry if this sounds stupid and u def dont gotta answer if ur uncomfy w it but i was wondering... is solkat abusive?? i saw this post a while back hurricaneclouds(.)tumblr(.)com/post/76164504871 and i literally cannot stop thinking abt it. i mean , thats a total misread of karkat and kismesissitudes right??

i dont see it as abusive? but thats a lot so ill go bulletpoint my thoughts

> like ive read posts before on how karkats a jackass to his friends and i am in no way arguing against that because he is! hes fucking shitty!! hes jealous and defensive with a whole bowl of hypocrisy sprinkled in but thing is that that is his entire front because he has feelings (ew gross) and its been made clear before that karkat pretty much wears his heart on his sleeve so whenever i imagine him spewing insults it just kind of appears in my head as karkat looking panicked or wounded while trying to redirect the topic towards someone else because the bastard cant handle self reflection. additionally at that time hes 13 you cant expect a 13 yo boy raised in funmurder society to act kindly when hes extremely aware everyone probably wants him dead, and hence has to go hemoanon and likely pushes people away/projects that tough persona in order to keep distance and fit in. and again hes 13 like gd i was shitty when i was 13 and he Grows and thats the Point like i feel like a major hs theme is that... people grow and change etc for karkat over time its that his anger and defense mechanisms simmer down over the course of the meteor and when hes 19-20 hes just kind of grumpy. base setting mildly pessimistic but far from the kid he used to be, and the one he would have then been ashamed of and hated as is karkat past self routine. so yeah hes a dick but like, a translucent dick thats easily seen through and is over time less of a dick

>but that being said, i perceive sollux and karkats relationship as to the point where they Are best friends and theyre close enough with each other that they can just fucking insult each other all they want and itll fall off like water because at that point its just mild banter (looking towards the wow i hate you, not as much as you hate yourself, i hate you more than you and i hate ourselves combined conversation like were playing with self hatred and pitch hatred wording here and thats something i could delve into on another day but moving on) UNTIL it doesnt, and one of them pushed through a line, and thats when the remorse happens because i feel like they figure out pretty easily that they were in the wrong and they want to apologize but like. theyre 13-16 year old boys who live in a society i doubt theyre gonna easily work up to heartfelt conversations so they go the lighter alternative- to ask if theyre still friends and that signifies the step that they still want to be together and has the implication that they recognized it was hurtful and could have hurt their relationship. maybe im looking too far into that but anyway i see solkat as two dudes who care about each other but are absolute shit at expressing it (80-20 karkat to sollux bc sollux actually says things pretty straightforward thats just karkats deal) but over time they Are willing to grow and change in order to better each other in calling out each others shit while also you know, motivating them being there for each other etc etc

#like im not going to go on ops post and say theyre wrong i dont want to try and start anything here but thats just my thoughts #talking back #solkat

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ayatosmlktea · 4 years

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Is it possible for you to do a royal au? Where king Levi is in love with one of his servants (reader) but she keeps on pushing it away bc she knows itll taint his name and doesnt want to cause him any trouble even if she does love him in return. But u know Levi, he dont care about anything and tries to tell her that it doesnt matter what everyone else thinks and she agrees to be his ❤

A/N: I love this idea so much!!!!!!

𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝑨𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒔 ❤️

“Y/N wait up!” She turns around to findJean running after her his arms carrying what looked like clothes.

“His royal crankiness asked me to tell you to bring him his evening tea.”

“Jean don’t call him that! Someone could hear you.” Y/N scolds but can’t help chuckling at the blond’s nickname for Levi. Rolling his eyes he shoves the clothes into her hands.

“Yeah yeah, weird how he’s always asking for your though. Something going on between you two?” She feels her cheeks heat up as he wiggles his eyebrows micheivously at her.

“O-Of course not! He’s the King, Jean. I’m just a servant, besides it’s not my fault if I do your job better than you.” He rolls his eyes playfully shoving her shoulder.

“Whatever Y/N, you’d better hurry up he seemed pretty impatient. See you later!” Jean waves his goodbyes, disappearing around the corner as she makes her way to Levi’s room, knowing she could bring him the tea later. Their secret relationship was thrilling, albeit risky at times sometimes she couldn’t believe that someone as powerful as him could want to be with her but Levi always reminded her of how special she was to him. She felt butterflies fluttering around her stomach, they hadn’t had a chance to see each other privately for a few days and she missed his presence.

“Tch, took you long enough.” Locking the door behind her she feels her mouth water as she takes in his appearance. He’d obviously just gotten out of the bath, his hair still damp water droplets running down his bare chest and his towel hanging dangerously low. Smirking at her expression he strides over cradling her face in his hands as he leans down.

“God I missed you.” His lips capture hers, her fingers immediately tangling themselves in his hair as the forgotten clothes drop to the floor.

Humming softly to herself, Y/N adjusts her dress and makes her way to her quarters for the night. She smiles softly, biting her lip as she recalls their…passionate evening together.

“I think it’s time he finally finds a wife. The kingdom needs a queen.” One of Levi’s advisors complains, instantly Y/N feels her heart drop into her stomach.

“I agree. He needs someone of noble reputation, not some air headed servant girl.” Well so much for it being a secret. Their words twist in her gut like a knife, she loved Levi but knew that they could never actually become a public item because of his status. Making up her mind she trudges back to her room feeling her heart breaking.

Y/N tries to hide her blush as she sets Levi’s dinner in front of him, his fingers brushing along the length of her inner arm. She pulls back quickly before any of the other servants see their King affectionately stroking her arm knowing their gossip would spread to others in town. Clicking his tongue in annoyance he leans back in his chair, his expressionless eyes narrowing into slits.

“Y/N what is this shit table setting? I thought you were taught better than that.” His sudden voice startles her and she instinctively moves away from him hanging her head in embarrassment. Swiping his finger under the edge of the table he brings it closer to his face.

“And what is this? Dust?” The other servants in the room turn to stare at her in shock. Each one of them knew how picky Levi was about keeping the castle clean, especially the dining room. Her palms start to sweat as she finds herself unable to respond or look up at him.

“Tch, everyone out. Except you.” He orders cooly, getting up he bars the door and loosens the first few buttons of his dress shirt. Y/N can’t help but gulp in anticipation, she knew what was coming. For the last few weeks she had started distancing herself from Levi, not wanting to ruin his reputation with her own. He was the King and she was just a poor servant girl. What would the people say if it was made public that he was involved with someone who had nothing and who had come from nothing. His eyes are predatory as he backs her up against the edge of the table his arms on either side preventing her from escaping.

“You’ve been avoiding me Y/N, why?” He asks leaving a trail of kisses up her neck. She bites her lip to stifle a moan, out of habit she moves her head to the side giving him more room but stops herself quickly as his advisors words float around her mind.

“I’ve been busy Sir, I apologize the table setting was messy.” She gulps refusing to meet his prying eyes.

“There’s nothing wrong with the damn table setting brat. I miss you.” His hands grip her waist bringing her body flush against his. She leans into the warmth radiating from his body inhaling the smell of his cologne, it had been a while since they had been this close and while her mind was screaming at her to pull away her body wanted him more. Bracing her hands against his shoulders she tries to collect her thoughts and ignore the hand snaking its way up the front of her dress to cup her face.

“I think it’s best if we stop seeing each Sir.” Her words make him freeze, his eyes narrowing as he grabs her chin and forces her to look at him.

“Didn’t I tell you to drop the ‘sir’ shit when we’re alone?” His face is dangerously closer to hers, she wants nothing more than to close the gap between them and kiss him but she can’t.

“You have a reputation to maintain Levi. You can’t just keep screwing around with some stupid servant. There’s no future for you there.” She forces herself to be harsh, to harden her heart against the feelings of love that had wormed their way in.

“Bullshit. I don’t give a fuck about my reputation and you know that! I love you Y/N and if you can’t see it yet then you’re just as blind as you are beautiful.” Typical of Levi to insult her while complimenting her and damn her traitor heart for beating faster.

“Levi, please! Think about it rationally. You have a kingdom to run, a bloodline to continue. I can’t offer you anything!” Batting away the hand on her chin she tries to put distance between them, which was challenging as he effortlessly shoved her back against the table, his body towering over hers. She feels her eyes start to well up with angry tears, why was he making this so hard? Why couldn’t he just accept that they weren’t meant to be together and go find some rich princess to marry?

“I am thinking rationally, idiot! You’re the one whose brains have gone to shit. When have I ever cared about your background?” No longer wanting to play this dragged out game of cat and mouse Levi beings to lose his temper, like hell he was going to let her go because of something so trivial as where she came from.

“When have I ever made you feel like I don’t love you? My future means shit if you’re not in it. You’re the only one I want and I know you want me too so stop trying to convince yourself that you’re doing this for me. It’s fine if you’re scared, but if you’re going to let everything we have together go because you think I care about the opinion of my shitty advisors then you obviously don’t know me very well.”

Y/N feels her self control evaporate and she lunges forward. Her hands balling up the material of his shirt, mashing their lips together in a hard kiss. Levi groans into her mouth his hand coming back up to cradle the back of her head, their noses brushing against each other. His tongue swipes along her bottom lip and she complies parting her lips as he maps out her mouth like he’d done many times before. Her teeth pull on his bottom lip making him growl and grab her hip roughly. His lips were fire against her skin, igniting an insatiable need to have him closer to her. Levi moves down to her neck sucking harshly on her soft skin, her hands move up to grab fistfuls of his hair as she gasps loudly.

“Levi don’t, people will see.” She pants as his teeth graze over her sensitive skin the mixture of pain and pleasure was intoxicating as he continues to mark her neck. Pulling back to admire his work he places a soft kiss against the large red hickey.

“I’m sure they already know Y/N, you’re not exactly quiet.” He chuckles placing another gentle kiss on her lips.

“Are you sure you want to be with me? People talk you know.” Her voice is quiet not wanting to ruin the mood.

“I don’t care. I want you, all of you. Forever.” Y/N buries her face into the crook of his neck smiling so hard her cheeks hurt. How could she ever doubt his feelings for her?

“Oh! Your dinner is cold now!” She exclaims pulling back to find him smirking playfully.

“I guess you’re just going to have to bring me some more later then.” Batting her eyelashes lustfully she leans forward to whisper in his ear.

“I think I can do that.”

Part 2

Masterlist

#attack on titan #levi ackerman #aot #levi x reader #aot x reader #snk #snk x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman x reader #attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan blog #levi attack on titan #aot au #reader insert #requests

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meanminyxrd · 4 years

Text

smokey eyes by lincoln but its andreil

i doubt anyone is going to fully read through this, but i like to song analyze. i like to take songs i find and explain why i’ve added them to my aftg playlists. this first song i’m going to “explain”, i suppose, is smokey eyes by lincoln. it’s added to neil’s playlist.

The first verse is as follows:

Smokey eyes, are you feeling good?

For now, you’re here with me

Seems like we’ve waited long enough

For someone else to make us feel complete

It’s not a bitter flavor, and it’s not a sweeter drink

I’m scared to ask you if you would do the same for me

at the beginning of whatever this thing with andrew is, neil believes that he is not important at all to andrew. he thinks that andrew doesn’t care as much as he himself does. but he’s okay with that; he’s gonna die by the end of the year anyways, so might as well have a good time. but still, it hurts. ‘are you feeling good?’—he wants to make andrew happy like andrew makes him feel happy. he wants to make andrew feel safe like andrew makes him feel safe. and for fucks sake, they HAVE waited long enough to feel happy and complete. they haven’t had anything like… THIS… their whole lives. and what they have, it isnt stereotypically sweet, but it isn’t in any means bad or bitter. it works out for them, and that’s what matters. and he cares so much about andrew that it hurts, it almost tears him apart to suddenly care about anyone but himself, but he doesnt think andrew cares back and is too scared to ask.

Smokey eyes; that’s your name, isn’t it?

At least that’s what I call you

When I call you, do you shake the way I shake

When I call to say I’m through?

“No, I shake the way you do at shows

So people know you’re cool

Violently, but still controlled enough to screw.”

you cannot tell me neil doesn’t come up with nicknames for andrew. my favorite head canons come from when neil is sleepy and calls andrew ‘drew and i get so weak reading them. as for the shaking part, its like neil’s saying ‘if i called to end it, whatever this thing is, i would be heartbroken and shaking from the anxiety and pain of it all. would you?’ and the only answer he can imagine coming back is that andrew doesnt care, and that all he was was a cheap fuck, because in the beginning that’s all andrew dares to show.

now, after the hotel in baltimore scene, he thinks andrew cares at this point. why else would andrew have fought for him to stay? but we all know how absolutely fucking oblivious neil can be. when he’s with aaron at the cabin during their vacation, he expresses he doesn’t believe andrew would care enough to do anything drastic for him. he genuinely believes that if aaron asked andrew to drop neil, that andrew would in order to keep his promise.

cut to the chorus of the song:

So help me make amends with all my friends

Most other people are just dead ends

There’s nothing worse than making friends

again, after baltimore, he knows andrew cares, but he doesnt know what to do about it or how exactly to cope with this revelation. if andrew cares, then it can’t be that much, right? because what could neil josten, a made up character and personality, have to offer to any of the foxes? yet he needs to make amends with the foxes. they’re all he has, and leaving them would break his heart. he is basically begging andrew not to send him away, begging wymack to let him stay. he wants to make amends, and most people who he’s tried to trust have just hurt him, so they’re dead ends. he hates that he’s attached because what could be worse than getting attached? but he cares, and he wants to fix it, fix this. he knows lying to them was wrong and he thinks the foxes will shun him because he’s the son of the butcher and also the yakuza is not just after kevin but him as well. he hates that he’s attached, but he is, and he wants to fix it.

Sticky thighs, are you wild now or just a memory?

Some people want to be your friend

Some people just want to be free

And the worst thing about me is that I’m somewhere in between;

I might miss you, but I’m still trying to get clean

‘some ppl wanna be ur friend’, the upperclassmen do attempt to include andrew in things, a lot more after neil kinda coaxes them to but the same nonetheless. it’s not easy trying to include the monsters, but neil’s relationship with both “sides” of the team are important to him, so each side tries their best to at least attempt to get along. ‘some ppl just want to be free’ ie aaron. aaron wanted out of the deal but didn’t know how to really get around it. nicky wanted to be more friendly with the upperclassmen but was held back by andrew’s rules. and neil, he’s somewhere in between. he wants to be (boy)friends with andrew, but he also still has this feeling of wanting to run, to leave before andrew leaves, and when he thinks of leaving he misses andrew but he’s also just trying to do what he thinks is best for both of them.

You’ve had enough to drink

You know you’re drowning in the flavor of

Cough syrup and Vicodin

You’ve got the bitter flavor down so

Dab the sweeter drink on a napkin, then

Hold it up to your mouth so you can sleep

andrew usually doesn’t get drunk, as he states he knows his limits, but he totally does when he’s really upset and isn’t gonna be driving. for instance, after a rough game without his meds he would be rewarded with alcohol from wymack. in the author’s notes, there’s a scene where andrew goes to wymack’s apartment to talk about neil and he chugs alcohol then, too. whether he’s able to admit it or not, andrew abuses alcohol as a way to cope. this lyric, to me, alludes to the use of drugs or drinks to cope.

Quiet lies that you’re telling to

Those black and screaming skies...

I hope you’re walking around campus

Contemplating your own smallish size

This is not what all my idols told me college would be like

I hope someday you learn to take your own advice

the quiet lies are in the blank stares, the flat expressions, the mean words and obvious apathy. andrew’s apathy keeps him safe, but neil sees through it. he knows its a lie. he’s knows that there’s more to this misunderstood monster and he wants to learn all about it. he hopes that andrew is able to think about bigger things, even when neil isnt there to try and get him to. he hopes andrew isn’t as impassive as he tries to make others believe. he hopes, and truly believes, that somewhere in there, andrew cares about neil.

furthermore, college is nothing like its made out to be. college, for neil, has been both hell and heaven. he never thought he’d even end up going, let alone go to play exy of all things. andrew is always giving neil advice, but he never follows any of it himself. andrew is all about getting neil to open up to him, but is hesitant to open up as well. neil understands, but he also hopes andrew warms up to him a bit. he enjoys their trust for trust relationship and genuinely wishes that one day andrew will be okay. maybe not good, but okay. because that’s a start.

and, scene.

thank you for reading if you read this far! i’ll probably end up doing more, tbh, because i really enjoy writing these. that’s all for now, though!

#aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #tfc #the foxhole court #song analysis

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shijiujun · 5 years

Text

history3 ep10 summary - POOR SHAO FEI AND TANG YI BB, this is what heartbreak looks like

I JUST ABOUT DIED. I DID. THE LAST PART WAS MAD - just this 30 seconds alone carried the entire fucking episode

We are at the halfway mark - Part of me doesn’t want it to end at all but I need to see the birthday cake and domestic scenes ASAP!! Currently I’m just enjoying the ride and so glad we get to see Chris and Jake and Andy and Kenny and everyone of those other hot and excellent actors in this show. I’ve never done a GIF or subtitled in all my years on tumblr before History3 - life changing this is what this show is and I’m so happy we’re all doing this together! Let’s make it through the halfway mark together omgosh excited guys!!!!!

Shopping scene with Shao Fei + Hong Ye: Hong Ye is telling SF to walk faster they go into a department store and she keeps changing clothes OMG LOL THEY ARE SO CUTE TGT!!! She wears smth with ruffles and then asks SF how it looks and then he’s like ‘why do u look like a seaweed’ and she’s like ‘who’s a seaweed you’re a seaweed’ and then she dances LOL and then LOL HE FELL ASLEEP WHILE SHOPPING WITH HER AND LOST HER omg Shao Fei seriously

They’re playing a game on the escalator this is the funniest shit and OF COURSE she brings him to a lingerie shop and omg Shao Fei so poor thing just sits there and OMG YAS HONG YE SISTER-BROTHER RIVALRY and she buys him UNDERWEAR and she’s like “hang on a second, this is too big for you, you need a smaller one” LOL BURN

Carpark/shooting scene: They’re almost like friends or something, although later after we see the hong ye and bodyguard ah de scene you’ll realise why she was speaking to shao fei like that (because she knew smth was going to happen and she thought everything was going to go to plan but who knew they were coming with guns) and anw, then the bullets start going off and shao fei protects her with all of his body like OH MY GOD - And wow the angle of the shot and how it struck SF is totally wrong and omggg this scene was faster than I thought JESUS CHRIST - is it just me or did Shao Fei get hit on the wrong side? Either they missed a scene or the bullet came from elsewhere

and then we get the scene of tang yi storming into the hospital and he goes straight for hong ye first, hugs her as she cries etc. and then hot doctor is there and when hot doctor is NOT SMILING YOU KNOW SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN - anyway, the nurse tells hot doctor that the surgery has been prepped, and then hot doctor nods and says ‘let’s go’ - and that’s when tang yi REMEMBERS AND LOOKS UP - “is that for meng shao fei?” And his look of absolute regret is ridiculous

and hot doctor just somberly nods

Police chief STILL DOESNT KNOW THAT SHAO FEI HAS BEEN SHOT omg he’s going around doing his usual shit and everyone is clearing shit with him and fuck he misses shao fei so much I like that they finally show that shao fei is useful in the office and everyone is dependent on him and then suddenly Yu Qi turns up because she somehow got the call that shao fei is in the hospital

Oh goddddd Tang Yi’s face as he sits there AND LOL Dao yi (glasses guy) knows police chief quite well he called him Brother Bao, and tells him to calm down and they will take care of everything but POLICE CHIEF AINT HAVING NONE OF THAT BULLSHIT he pushes dao yi aside and this is one of the only times he can legit grab a mob boss by the neck and not get shot at after - police chief loves Shao Fei so much you can tell he totally lost it and Hong Ye genuinely feels bad and she’s saying sorry over and over to him as tang yi sits there catatonic - tang yi is totally quiet

also not sure if you guys caught it but the older guy in the investigative team, the one who always kind of says smth subtly bad about shao fei, he shot a look to bodyguard ah de when police chief was confronting tang yi in the hospital - they are totally up to something, corrupt police!!!!

The rest of the investigative team - LOL Zhao zi: “wow I’ve never seen police boss chief grab someone so much larger than him by the neck” - Yu Qi really likes Shao Fei, she’s crying by herself at the stairs and police chief is the one who’s standing by Shao fei’s door the moment he’s out of surgery and he scoffs “what ‘they’ll take care of everything’? the moment they heard shao fei was going to pull through they all left’- he tells zhao zi that they’ll start investigating who the fuck was behind the shooting and reminds them all to be careful

Captain Shi: “those who dare to touch any one from the investigative team, I’ll bring them all back to the police station!!!!”

OMG WE GET THE SCENE WHERE TANG YI IS HOTLY WALKING AND RIPPING OFF HIS JACKET AND OH JESUS CHRIST BRASS KNUCKLES?!!! Anw here’s the gem oh my god: Tang yi comes in where the culprit is already seated and he tells everyone to get the fuck out (OMG YOU KNOW HE MEANS BUSINESS)

Ah De is like ‘boss, this is a small thing, let me do it’ - and he’s so damn insistent on interrogating the culprit himself even though tang yi is literally ready to set fire on the bitch you know and i’m like AH DE THAT IS SO NOT SMART YOU WANNA DIE?!

and well, we all called it - tang yi hears that and he’s like wtf and he gets mad, hauls bodyguard ah de off his feet and slams him against the wall and yells: “SMALL THING?! HE TOUCHED MY PEOPLE, AND YOU CALL IT A SMALL THING?!”

and bodyguard is like fuckkkk: “yes i’m sorry boss, i said the wrong thing, i’ll leave now”

and then he goes out and hovers by the door while tang yi puts on his brass knuckles and starts punching the dude who is yelling a bit like... not realistically HAHAHAHA - and omg Jack hit it right on the nail, he asked Brother De why he looks so worried and ‘jokingly’ asks, “why, do u know the person inside?” And Brother De is so angry and defensive - jack totally knows what is up

Brother de and Hong Ye meet up and here we find out that they ordered the hit on shao fei in a sense to get rid of him - they wanted to show tang yi that shao fei can’t protect anyone and then chase him away, but they were supposed to come teach shao fei a lesson with like wooden sticks and not guns - hong ye was a bit stunned by that as well and she asked ah de like wtf did you really want to kill me?! and ah de is like confused also, he doesn’t really know how the plan went wrong?! and hong ye is like, whatever, i will cooperate with you only up to here, if tang yi manages to get any answers, it’s all on you (like not cool hong ye, tang yi would totes forgive you if you just admitted it i think)

anyway, switch to the balcony scene with tang yi and jack, where jack asks who it was that ordered the hit, and tang yi says: “chen wen hao”

okay so my theory is that maybe chen wen hao really has smth to do with this - he kind of derailed the plan and changed it to legitly wanting to kil hong ye and shao fei (more hong ye than shao fei more likely) - but right now they dont know it they just think that they’re safe and their story checks out

Okay so Hong Ye and Dao Yi - Gosh she’s kind of a brat but I get where she’s coming from. anyway she leaves brother de and then dao yi is waiting for her in the carpark - the man knows he way better than she knows herself, and i think he knows that she had something to do with the shooting, but he didn’t say anything except to hint that she better leave shao fei up to tang yi and stop trying to interfere. hong ye is adamant that shao fei is a different kind of person from them, and dao yi is like: “that’s for the boss to decide. the way he treats him... shao fei is different to him”

OH MY GOD THANK YOU SOMEONE SAYING IT AS IT IS FINALLY NO MORE SUBTLE LOOKS AND SMILES SOMEONE SAID IT

and anw, hong ye manages to make this entire thing about her and how dao yi doesn’t love her - sister, i really get you and dao yi really needs to get his shit together, but srsly, a man just got shot for you because you were unhappy with his presence - and gosh unrequited (actually requited) love, but i get her in this part

but seriously, i get that she want shao fei out of the way but they way she did it was totally wrong, does she not know that tang yi is soft for him and cares for him like he has no one else before? she was willing to hurt him to make a point, and then ah de is - gosh dude get a grip

AND OMGGGGGG TANG YI’S FACE AS HE IS BY SHAO FEI’S BEDSIDE - this is what heartbreak looks like guys, he looks like he’s saying goodbye and his fucking expression - wow Chris did a fucking good job he totally looks heartbroken and as if shao fei died or smth, he’s holding his hand and air-tracing his nose and he looks like he’s going to cry - HE REALLY LOVES HIM GUYS - the emotion was really right on point

(and lol the chinese audience - they were scolding tang yi during the first part of the ep because he didn’t seem to have much of a reaction to shao fei’s injury and then when the last part came everyone went BATSHIT CRAZY)

what the fuck is going to happen next episode? i ask, but i know already - tang yi is getting ready to say goodbye to shao fei and push him away because he realised how dangerous it is for shao fei to be around him BUT OUR FAVE CHARACTERS WILL FIND SOME WAY TO BE TOGETHER AGAIN NO WORRIES I DOUBT THEIR BREAKUP WILL LAST MORE THAN AN EP

#history 3: 圈套 #history3圈套 #history 3: trapped #history3: trap #history3 spoilers #summary

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xaoh-f-goon · 5 years

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Denouements: A Spotter’s Guide

In this essay I shall be attempting to identify the distinguishing features of the Denouement siblings, and then theorising on what this means for their character and scene-to-scene motivation. Being just one person I will have biases and projections, so please do say if something doesn’t feel right. Also, a lot of what I will try to describe won’t be visible in screenshots, only in motion, so I encourage watching clips to help understand my angle.

I am taking as a starting point, which will be revised if it doesn’t bear out, the theory that the brothers embody their name: Frank is frank, and Ernest is earnest. Both words mean truthful, but in different ways. Frankness comes via bluntness, factual, to the point, brusque. It implies serious and businesslike, efficient, rooted in reality. Earnestness comes via (positive) emotional intensity, sincerity, enthusiasm and being willing to please. It implies personal conviction, being trustworthy, friendliness and passion for the subject at hand.

Both men are keeping up a controlled facade in order to catalogue and manipulate the hotel occupants, and I believe the word definitions characterise their respective approach to this. Remember, Frank is the fireFighter, ErneSt is the fireStarter. Let’s trust Kit Snicket’s words (and netflix’s intentions) and do some close observation. Here is a screenshot from when we know who is who.

So, the characterisation I am driving at here is that Frank is being impenetrable, relying on saying exactly the right thing, analysing the response and passing judgement to keep safe. Ernest is being quickly ingratiating, performing as a warm presence that you are more likely to trust, especially in the face of his brother’s apparent rudeness. Plus, Kit calls him out as an active liar (’Do not trust him, no matter what he says’) rather than Frank’s passive status as a person the Baudelaires need to behave right to gain access to.

This Denouement is secretly observing before making himself known. He is blunt with his sentences and his impassive face gives no indication of what he wants to hear in return. His rattling speed of speech implies efficiency. I am presuming he is Frank.

He introduces himself in a position of power, having startled them. He wields his authority by assuming his orders are being followed, leaving sharply without checking to see if the kids are following. He speaks in a low flat monotone manner. He uses an air of disdain to keep himself distant and above those he is talking to, and his default position is to look down at you with narrowed eyes. These are things we have learnt about Frank.

This Denouement lets the kids know he is coming, calling out to them softly and clearly. He is smiling and welcoming. His quick speed of speech implies enthusiasm. He sounds relieved to see them, thus initially giving the impression of power to the Baudelaires. His open manner invites openness in return. He is the only one to ask outright for vital information. I am presuming this is Ernest.

He talks calmly and clearly, and emphasises important words that he wants the kids to pick up on and react to. He looks and sounds appropriately curious, worried, and pleading when he asks for information, hoping for an automatic sympathetic response or at least to evoke some sort of tell. When he gets an answer he doesn’t like, he signals being disappointed and hurt. However he still seems very distant from what he’s saying, and his expressions are switched between quickly and grandly, like a performer. It feels disingenuous and too symmetrical. His default position is looking up at you with an expression of concern. These are things we have learnt about Ernest.

Now there is Dewey. He does not have the facade of his brothers. He alone has natural asymmetrical expressions that lend him a twinkle in the eye, as if about to wink, and an actual air of confidentiality. Incidentally, ‘dewy’ as a word doesn’t only mean moist, but also naive, innocent, unwary etc, implying a lack of artifice. He talks quietly and furtively, conveying information quickly because There’s Not Much Time.

So we have our potential players. Now lets prove the theory.

Who does Violet meet?

He remains impassive, does not speak until asked and considers his answer, he seems tired, aloof and critical as if he knows that he knows best. He speaks in a low voice and only in factual information. And, he is very blunt, for example saying very clearly that Not Doing This Would Be Suspicious and saying the name VFD out loud. He’s Frank.

Who does Klaus meet?

That’s Ernest.

Therefore Sunny...

There’s nothing to suggest this isn’t Dewey.

We have a Confirmed Ernest appearance, and he does superficially appear deadpan and stern, possibly throwing doubt on the definitions. However, he is no longer trying to be ingratiating, he is acting villainous and threatening and theatrical. Which is very much in line with what we presume to know of him.

In Part 2, we have a Confirmed Frank appearance, which I have documented here. I think you’ll agree Frank’s manner is perfectly in line with previous conclusions - the mask-like lack of reaction, the disdain in his comment to Poe, the looking-down-from-above posture, the unmoving mouth. Yet there is emotion in his eyes for the first time, staring hatred towards Olaf (and being rough with him) outside of his safe businessman persona. I think some of that is directed towards the Baudelaires too, as he approaches his gaze is fixed on them like a laser. But that could also be an unspoken question for them, or high emotions in general.

[Edit] Further analysis and other possibilities discussed here.

Supposing all of the above is correct, here’s how I see the courtroom scene.

Frank on the left, having had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Ernest on the right, holding a tense but pretty unreadable expression of attentiveness.

Ernest is the one to let Olaf out of the closet. That’s his same thug stance and poise type from when he’s facing down Larry. It’s Ernest’s way of making himself look big - Frank’s way is to appear a superior authority. ....also, there’s the rope thing.

At the submission of the harpoon gun and mention of Dewey’s killing, Frank looks down and is visibly processing. Watch his mouth. Ernest remains an entirely emotionless mask and bows his head at the appropriate time.

Then the Baudelaires make their statement.

Ernest is showing a textbook expression of wonder and compassion, and immediately joins in when the clapping starts...

...and Frank is exasperated. He hates it. It’s fair to say he knows his brother and very clearly doesn’t believe a metaphorical word of it. And I don’t either. Because we’ve seen Dewey happy. We’ve seen Max Greenfield play genuinely happy. And this perfectly even grin does not reach his eyes in the slightest. There is no twinkle. And to my eye Frank’s reaction backs me up on that.

Here, Count Olaf is listing shooting Dewey Denouement as one of the Baudelaire’s crimes. What Ernest is doing is visibly blinking back tears. I do not know whether they are real or fake or both. I do not know what Frank is thinking. It’s something, but I don’t know what it is.

Until finally, we end up here.

Why would the brothers appear to swap roles, Ernest supporting them and Frank condemning them? Here’s what I think.

Both brothers are feeling the loss of Dewey equally deeply.

Frank has come to blame the Baudelaires, perhaps not directly but at least in the sense of them bringing their situation and causing unpredictability in the perfectly ordered hotel. Certainly in this moment, he blames them from an emotional standpoint and is incensed enough to argue with the kids almost on principle. Or, perhaps, he does in fact truly blame them. They weren’t very good at their job, they were indiscreet and didn’t know any codes, perhaps that made him suspicious of them and was already unsure about working with them before Dewey died. It certainly didn’t seem like the kids ever convinced him of anything, and it’s reliably reported in all the news that the Baudelaires are definitely there when firefighters die.

Ernest, while running on almost an autopilot of acting how he is expected to be seen, has come to blame Count Olaf. He knows first-hand that Olaf’s thirst for violence, specifically for the people in this hotel, is very real and dangerous. After all, he did just boil a man with him. Ernest may not care about the Baudelaires, but he very likely doesnt care for this nonsense of a court proceeding either, and wants eyes on Olaf as soon as possible. Or, perhaps, he does in fact truly believe them. Maybe Dewey’s death sent him reflecting on the probably unbelievable and definitely tragic series of events that got the triplets to where they are now. Maybe he is feeling the futility and wants even just a small revenge or point scored. Olaf was right, there is arguably a lot more truth on the firestarting side and Ernest knows, he knows with a certainty his brother cannot have, that the Baudelaires didn’t murder anyone.

#asoue #denouement siblings #asoue spoilers #frank denouement #ernest denouement #dewey denouement #a series of unfortunate events #max greenfield #asoue theory #the penultimate peril #penultimate peril #netflix asoue #netflix a series of unfortunate events #netflix scrutiny #hotel denouement #denouement #denouement brothers

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alexius-fr · 5 years

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Chapter two

@lindwur-fr @mask-fr @indulg3nce-fr @kagira-fr @slighteyewing ( @khadjin-fr im sorry it doesnt seem to want to ping you!) If you’re not on the list for pings but want to be, let me know!

A few weeks passed and Murdoch adapted to life with a new child quickly, as he had raised many children in the past, and Azar wasn't all that different from a normal hatchling. Apart from the excessive grooming and horn maintenance he needed, that was.

The first week Azar got a lot of inquisitive looks from the others, but he was quickly accepted and the other Ancients also took a liking to him, apart from Kael. Kael was never much of a fan of children however, and he was being very good about the time that Azar inevitably consumed, cutting into Murdoch's time to meet with the council and rule the keep.

Kael was Murdoch's secondant, the aspect of Death and Shadows that took care of any and all threats before they became too large a problem. Murdoch often referred to him as the shadow behind the throne, something Kael always rejected with a smile.

When Murdoch woke up that morning it was to Kael's impatient voice behind the door.

“Murdoch, you missed the meeting again!”

Murdoch groaned but didn't lift his head immediately, still feeling tired from the night. Azar had kept him up until far later than his usual bedtime and he was experiencing the drawback fully.

“Murdoch?” Kael asked, the door opening.

“Yeah- come in, I guess.” Murdoch yawned widely, feeling something resist the movement in his beard, Azar squeaking offendedly at being woken up like this. Although Azar understood a lot of words now, he still communicated mostly in squeaks and noises. But some words were starting to become routine, like 'Food!', 'Play!', 'Yes' and 'No!', the latter being by far the most common.

Kael entered, holding an account of what had been discussed during the meeting, laying it down on Murdoch's desk for later.

“How is the little one?” Kael asked, his voice no longer annoyed, but interested instead. Kael was always pretending to be cross with Murdoch, but most of their relationship consisted of good natured teasing and Murdoch liked his brother a great deal.

“Thank you, Kael. Azar is doing well, although I suspect he will want food in the very near future.” Murdoch stretched and shook lazily before walking over to his desk and reading through the document with sleep-thick eyes.

Azar had caught on to Kael's presence and stormed him enthusiastically in order to greet him with an affectionate rub. Azar was now almost the same size as Kael, and Kael struggled to stay on his feet during this genuine assault of adoration and lots and lots of fur. His expression was one of endurance and patience but an equal measure of displeasure. It always made Murdoch laugh.

“Get him away from me please.” Kael stated in a monotone voice.

“Azar, leave your uncle alone.” Murdoch muttered while reading through the document, Azar drooping his ears in response, but listening none the less.

“What's this about an unidentified group of dragons being signalled in the north of the Southern Icefields?” Murdoch asked, Kael straightening his feathers with dignity.

“It's exactly what it says. My scouts could not come close enough to them to identify them. They do think that the group is head our way, though. And they are scared, Murdoch.” “Your scouts, scared?” Murdoch frowned with disbelief.

“They describe them to me as giants with terrible horns, lead by a dragon that embodies the winter itself. His footsteps leave frost on the ground, and if you look him directly in the eye you'll freeze.” Kael sounded more than a little sceptical, but then again he always did. Murdoch mulled it over in his head but was quickly distracted by Azar, who stood in between his front legs, looked up with playful eyes and wiggled his body as his tail swept from side to side.

“Alright, alright, you'll get food in a minute.” Murdoch assured him, Azar smiling happily.

“Do you believe those rumours?” Murdoch asked, turning to Kael. “Not even a little.” Kael rolled his eyes. “Ordinary dragons are scared easily. I wouldn't take them too seriously.” “What of Basalt?” Murdoch asked. Basalt was Kael's right hand and overseer of his spy network.

“He's doubtful, but he has not seen the dragons himself.” Kael replied with honesty. “I'll order him to have a look for himself, we need a more clear description before we can take action.” “Agreed.” Murdoch nodded. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome. I'll take care of it. Seems you have more urgent matters to attend to.” Kael frowned when he saw Azar attempt to pull Murdoch along to the kitchens by dragging him by the tail with his mouth. Murdoch chuckled and freed his tail with a simple swift motion, nodding gratefully to Kael.

“Yes, so it would seem. I will see you for dinner, then.”

“May the deities protect you.” Kael bowed shortly and then left, leaving Murdoch with Azar as they made their way to the kitchen.

They didn't hear about the group of dragons again for a few weeks, and Murdoch had too many things on his mind to really concern himself with something that might not even be true, so he focused on teaching Azar, who was progressing leaps and bounds with his draconic and physical training. He progressed far faster than Murdoch had expected, and he couldn't be more proud of his son. Azar grew into young adulthood, now considerably larger than Kael but nowhere near as big as Murdoch yet. He had long, clumsy limbs and his shaggy fur wouldn't stay down no matter how much he groomed himself. But the biggest change were his horns, that had started growing sporadically and seemed to take no direction in particular.

Those weeks turned into months, and the peace had perhaps made Murdoch complacent, because when Kael stormed in during that morning lesson of draconic with a panicked look on his face, Murdoch was caught off guard.

“Murdoch- They-” Kael panted and looked dishivelled. It was odd to see his usually calm and collected brother be this urgent, and Murdoch knew this was a serious situation immediately.

“What is it, brother? Take a deep breath and explain.” Murdoch said, leaving the lessons for what they were, approaching Kael. Azar followed, curious as always.

“They're coming. The group of dragons we saw, a few months ago. They're heading to the keep as we speak. I saw them. I didn't want to believe it but- I saw them, Murdoch. They're not like the dragons we know. They're like- like him!” Kael pointed at Azar, Azar flinching at the hiss Kael produced. Murdoch stepped in between on instinct, giving Kael a reprimanding look.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “Have they expressed hostility?”

“No. They haven't expressed anything.” Kael shook his head, slowly coming down from his shock and backing out of his aggressive stance. “They're marching toward the keep and they won't stop for anything. They haven't spoken a word and straight up ignored the guards trying to stop them. I ordered the guard to let them through lest anyone gets hurt.” Kael sighed and fussed with his feathers nervously.

“Well done. Have them guard the wall and the courtyard and let's go out to meet them. Where are Rye and Liv?” Murdoch asked, getting ready to go outside and meet a potential threat.

“They're mobilizing as well. Rye was adamant we prepare for battle but you know Liv, she wouldn't hurt a fly.” Kael scoffed. “She'll be the death of us with her passiveness.”

“Now is not the time for such concerns, brother.” Murdoch said, sharply. “Let us focus on the threat at hand. I will see you in the courtyard.”

“As you say.” Kael bowed his head and with a last suspicious look at Azar, left the room.

“Can I come?” Azar asked, while Murdoch donned his armour. “Kael said they look like me. I want to see them!” “No, Azar. It's too dangerous.” Murdoch shook his head. “If they are here to attack us I can't be responsible for your safety. Stay here. Watch from the window if you must, but do not go out to the courtyard until told otherwise, do you understand?”

“Yes father.” Azar nodded obediently, but the shimmer of rebellion was lost beneath his excess manes, so Murdoch did not see it as he turned around.

“Good lad. I'll be back soon. If they do turn out to be hostile, remember the-” “-the escape hatch behind the painting. Yes dad.” Azar assured him.

“I shouldn't have asked, you're always such a clever boy.” Murdoch smiled with no small amount of pride. “I will see you soon.” “Good luck.” Azar nodded, and then Murdoch was gone, the door closing behind him.

Azar sighed, dissapointed but also feeling restless. What if those dragons really looked like him? He'd always been curious as to why he didn't look like his father, but Murdoch would never speak of it other than the fact that he found him as an egg and didn't know who his actual parents were. Azar sat silently at the window that overlooked the courtyard, seeing his father walk out onto the oval square and the rest of the ancients bow to him.

He didn't want to stay here, behind the stained glass windows, hidden. He wanted to see the strange dragons up close. His head and his heart battled furiously and Azar didn't notice he'd held his breath until he emitted a deep sigh.

And then the doors of the keep opened.

#fr #flight rising #fr lore #flight rising lore #Clan Ilnmyr #Clan Ilnmyr lore

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watchmegetobsessed · 5 years

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Shawn Mendes // Boundaries Part 12

yoooo im back with a new part!! okay this sounded like im a shitty rapper.. im really losing my shit lately over school but whatever... anyway, enjoy! shower me with your thoughts!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11

I’m an emotional wreck when I get into the car and Nick greets me with a friendly smile. The silence is comforting, though I miss the country music Shawn used to play every time he was in a good mood.

I’m not a nail biter, but I nibble on them as we are getting closer and closer to Shawn’s place and I’m trying to come up with a plan on how I want to do it. Should I just blurt it out or should I build it up properly like a speech that ends with me telling him that he is going to be a father?

None of the options seem to be right, so after a while I give up and decide to just go with the flow.

When Nick rolls into the garage my nerves are exploding and my hands are shaking when I get out of the car. I take the elevator and I feel like my stomach was left in the garage when the elevator moved up.

The door opens and I walk into the familiar apartment. I hear his singing voice coming from the kitchen even before I could see him and it immediately brings a smile to my lips. I don’t know what I was expecting to see or how I imagined our first meeting after our emotional goodbye, but it feels… normal.

I walk into the kitchen and he looks up at me from the instant soup he is making and a wide smile dances to his beautiful face. He looks just as handsome as I remembered, his hair is now a bit longer, a curl is dancing on his forehead with every movement, but it’s beyond adorable. I have to fight the urge to curl it to my finger.

“Hi!” he greets me and stepping closer he pulls me into a hug, and I feel like I’m finally safe and home.

“Hi,” I whisper against his hoodie as I wrap my arms around his waist. Smelling his scent makes is even harder to peel myself off of him when it’s long over the friendly duration for the hug. “Instant soup, huh?” I ask hoping to make myself forget about the aching pain in my chest that I’m feeling now that he is standing next to me again.

“I don’t have lunch or dinner dates anymore, so I’m more often stuck here alone. And I’m still not a chef,” he chuckles shaking his head.

“Ordering is still an option, you know?”

“I… haven’t been quite in the mood to talk to strangers, not even a delivery guy,” he mumbles anxiously as he puts a spoon into the soup and stirs it. Steam is dancing above the bowl indicating that it’s still pretty hot, so he doesn’t attempt to taste it, just lets it sit on the counter.

I can relate to how he is feeling and I’m surprised he shared this detail with me. I was afraid he would be distant and sullen with me, but his honesty is calming me.

“Do you want a glass of wine or something?” he asks walking over to the fridge. I almost say yes immediately, some alcohol would definitely work for me, but then I realize that I can’t. Because there is a teeny-tiny baby in my stomach now.

“Um, no thank you,” I shake my head and watch him grab a water for both of us.

“So, not that I’m rushing you, but I’m really curious about what you wanted to talk about.”

We make ourselves comfortable on the couch and I feel my anxiety coming over me. I have no idea how to do it, but I can’t just blurt it out. I need time to think.

“I… I’ve been missing you.”

He gives me a doubtful look and I’m afraid he can see through me, but then he doesn’t question if this was my original intention. But I start talking again just to be sure.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I just couldn’t get you off of my mind. I know I was the one who wanted to end everything, but… I guess I can’t do it.”

I feel horrible. I should have told him straight away instead of talking bullshit. Well, okay, it’s not bullshit, it’s true, I’ve been missing him as hell, but this is not why I came here.

He runs his hand through his hair and I think back of the time I used to do this without a second thought. Now I’m sitting next to him with a decent gap between us, so our legs can’t touch.

“I missed you too, Naya. So much. But… what do you want to do? I mean… I’m happy to start seeing you again, but we have to figure this out, how we want to make it work.”

I nod with a blank stare and I don’t know what I can say. If I don’t tell him about the pregnancy test I’m just fucking everything up, making him believe things are turning right and we can start over again, when truth is, everything is about to turn upside down.

For my luck, his phone starts ringing somewhere in his room and he excuses himself rushing into the room to answer the call.

I growl angrily as I reach for my bag and grab the test. I stare at it and can’t help but grimace. What am I doing here? I can’t ruin his life, I was the stupid one who forgot to take the pill, so it’s all my fault. A child would blow up his whole life and I can’t put up with the thought of messing everything up for him. I shouldn’t have come here.

I jump when I realize he is walking out of his room and in my sudden confusion I tug the stick to my coat’s pocket hiding it as I jump to my feet. I have to leave before I fuck something up.

“Where are you going?” he asks with raised eyebrows.

“I-I gotta leave. I’m sorry.” I mumble nervously as I head to the elevator, but he grabs my arm and… and everything happens too fast.

His grip is not too hard, but it’s strong enough to pull my hand out of the pocket and the stick slides out with it as well. It falls to the floor and the clinking makes me jump. I totally freeze right at that moment, giving Shawn the chance to reach for it.

As I watch him pick the test up from the floor I hold my breath and pull my shoulders up, as if I’m afraid he is about to explode. He hold it between his fingers, stares at it for the longest few seconds before his eyes slowly move up to my face. I’m biting my lips, feeling the tears dwelling in my eyes.

Why didn’t I put the damn test back into my bag? Why am I such an idiot?

“Shawn, I-“ I start, but I don’t get to finish, he cuts me off.

“Is this yours?” he asks in a firm voice. I nod.

“I took it this morning. I threw up last night and realized I’ve been late for over a week, so I bought the test and…”

“Did you do it on purpose?” I hear his next question and the words freeze to my tongue.

“What?” I manage to say.

“Did you get pregnant on purpose? Were you planning on it?”

His expressions are hard, he seems mad and it’s scary to see him like this. I didn’t want to upset him and his questions catch me off-guard. I stare at him in disbelief, but it soon turns into anger. How can he think I did this on purpose?

“Sure, I thought it would be fun to mess up my and your life as well!” I snap back angrily. “Of course I didn’t! I forgot to take the damn pills!” I growl as I snatch the test from his hand. Now I’m raging and I’m offended by the accusation.

“You told me not to worry about it! And yet, you have a positive pregnancy test in your bag now!” he retorts just making it even worse.

“I’m sorry, I was too busy trying not to fall apart! I’m sorry I’m human! But if you think I did this on purpose then I’m leaving now. It was a mistake to come here.”

I turn around furiously, but he grabs my arm again holding me back. When I turn back to him his face is completely changed. He doesn’t seem mad anymore, more like… desperate.

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m sorry! I didn’t… I just- I’m in shock, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“And you think I’m not shocked?” I scoff in disbelief. “This morning I found out that I’m pregnant, I came here to find comfort and maybe to find out what we should do now, and then you accuse me of doing it on purpose!” Tears are running down on my cheeks and though I try to push him away, he pulls me to him and closes his arms around me no matter how badly I’m trying to get away from him. “I’m so fucking shook, I’m terrified and I really thought seeing you would make me feel better, but I’m still so afraid.”

Now I’m full on crying, I’m sobbing into his shirt but he doesn’t seem to care. His strong arms hold me tight to his body and I just want to stay like this forever. He is stroking my hair gently, soothing me without letting go of me. I’m glad he is holding me because my knees feel like jelly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I wasn’t thinking. It’s okay baby,” he whispers into my hair pressing a kiss to my temple.

“I’m sorry for raging so bad. I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster in the last 24 hours,” I mumble wiping my tears off of my face, but I know my eyes has already swelled and as red as a tomato.

“It’s fine. Come on, let’s sit down and talk, okay?”

I nod my head and he pulls me back to the couch. He gently takes my coat off and sitting down he pulls me close, circling an arm around my shoulders. His body’s heat is attracting me like I’m a bug and he is the only light in the room. I cuddle to his side and enjoy the momentary silence as I slowly realize I’m somehow relieved. The secret is out, he knows about the test, now we can focus on figuring out everything else.

“I’m sorry about the pill. I should have been more careful, it’s my fault,” I mumble and looking up at him I my gaze meets his soft eyes. All the anger and doubt is gone by now, I have my soft Shawn back, thanks God.

“Don’t say that. I should have been more persistent about using a condom too. We are in this together. But we really have to figure out the next step.”

“The next step is that I have a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow. These test are pretty reliable, but I need to see a professional as well.”

“Cancel the appointment, I’ll get you one in a private hospital. They are very trustworthy and we can sneak in without getting noticed.”

I don’t protest, I’m more than happy to keep it a secret for as long as possible. The last thing I need is to get recognized as I’m going to the gynecologist with Shawn.

“And we have to tell at least Andrew. He would kill me if something got out without him knowing about it.”

“He is going to hate me for life,” I sigh sadly, shutting my eyes closed. He runs his hand up and down my arm soothingly.

“Hey, don’t worry. Andrew is a smart guy, he doesn’t hold a grudge for nothing. And as I said, I was there too when…” His other hand gently slips under my sweater to my stomach. “When this baby thing happened. You remember?”

His playful smile calms me a bit. I’m suddenly very aware of his warm palm on my stomach and it’s so strange, to think about the tiny baby in my stomach.

“Shawn?” I speak up after a few silent moments.

“Hm?”

“I’m scared.” My voice is just a dying whisper and the damn tears are flowing again from my eyes, I can’t help it. Startled from my sudden mood change he sits straight up so he can look into my eyes, he cups my face in his hands and runs hid thumbs across my cheeks.

“Don’t be. It’s going to be alright. I’m not letting you do this alone, okay?” I nod my head sniffing like a little child. “I know it’s very sudden and scary, but you are not alone. I’m here and we are in this together.”

Now I’m crying because he is the sweetest person alive. His kind and soothing words comfort me like nothing on the world and even though this is a shitty situation I’m still happy I get to do this with him.

“I just… Don’t feel like I’m ready for this,” I choke out shaking my head.

“You will be ready for this when the time comes. I know we can make this work, okay? Just… don’t give up. We have someone else to think about now,” he lets out a small chuckle making me laugh through my tears.

Thanks to the emotional shock we both went through we doze out on the couch soon. When I open my eyes it’s already dark outside, meaning I spent almost half of the day napping with Shawn on his couch. His arms are hugging me protectively as he is spooning me from behind. I don’t want to wake him up, but one, I really have to pee and two, it’s time for me to leave, I don’t intend to spend the night here. Our situation doesn’t mean we are back on track.

I successfully peel myself out of his grip and make it to the bathroom. After quickly taking care of my business I check on him, he is still sleeping, now hugging a pillow to his chest. I take a moment to admire how peaceful he looks right now. No drama, no worries, just his angelic face that I still love so dearly.

As I feel myself getting emotional I turn away and grabbing my stuff I leave. I don’t call for Nick, I get a cab and head home.

I guess my message is clear to Shawn, he doesn’t call me that day. In the morning he texts me that he is picking me up at the café to go to the clinic and he also lets me know we are having a meeting with Andrew and Justin later, though I have no idea who Justin is. Definitely not Bieber.

Elisa is not home when I wake up, I’m thankful I don’t have to face her, she knows me too damn well and I know it would take one look and she would know something is off. I need more time to figure things out.

I have a beanie on and my scarf is covering half my face so I’m not recognizable. From my previous month spent with Shawn I expect him to be distant and moody after I left without a word yesterday, but I guess the situation is different now. I’m welcomed with a bright smile as I sit into the car.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asks me kindly.

“Um, fine. I was a bit nauseous in the morning, but I’m better,” I sigh tiredly. I leave out the part where I spent ten minutes kneeling next to the toilet because I was pretty close to throwing up. “Who is this Justin we are meeting later?” I ask.

“Justin Stirling. He is in my team, he has been doing a lot of marketing stuff for me lately, but he was busy with family stuff last month.”

I nod my head noting the information. The rest of the car ride is spent in silence. I feel so strange, before this whole pregnancy drama Shawn was always the dominant one, especially because he was kind of my boss. But now he looks so lost and confused, my news yesterday must have thrown him over the edge. He is looking out for my every mood and it’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

We make it into the clinic without anyone noticing us. This is definitely not how I imagined my first trip to the doctor when I become pregnant. It’s far from idyllic, I’m nervous, my hands are shaking so I hide them in my pocket, Shawn is like a jumpy kid, looking out for everything around us.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Hosier, please, come in,” the doctor greets us. She is a lovely middle-aged woman with a warm smile which is quite calming. We follow her into the room and while I sit up on the white bed Shawn takes place next to me. “So tell me, what do we know so far?” she asks as she is getting ready for my examination.

“Um, I’ve been late for about nine days now, in the past two days I’ve been feeling nauseous and I threw up once. I took a test and it came out positive.” I’m nervous to talk about it with Shawn right next to me, but I try not to think about it.

“Okay. Any pain maybe in the lower stomach?”

“No,” I shake my head.

Soon my pants and underwear comes off and I sit with my legs up while Dr. Hosier is facing my lower half. She keeps asking me questions, I just stare up at the ceiling and answer them like a robot. Shawn looks tensed as he is looking at the doctor.

“I’m going to do an ultrasound quickly,” she informs me she helps me put my legs down. I’m trying to breathe evenly as she pours some jelly on my stomach and starts roaming it with that… something. I don’t even know what these things are, this is how unprepared I am!

All three of us is staring at the screen that is filled with black and white void, I don’t see anything, but the Dr. Hosier freezes the picture and puts a circle around a teeny-tiny dot in the lower part of the image.

“Well, I have news. You are in fact pregnant, Miss Duvall and that little dot is the baby.”

I guess she can sense how unwelcomed the situation is, so she keeps her congrats to herself. She quickly tells me that we need to reserve another appointment soon, she talks about vitamins and useful information while I wipe my stomach clean and get dressed.

“Here, this is for you,” she tells me handing me an envelope. Opening it I see two copies of the ultrasound picture. I just thank her quietly wanting nothing more than to just finally leave the clinic. It is official now, I’m pregnant.

The realization hits me hard across my face as we walk out of the room and head to the car. Neither of us is talking, I’m scared, mad and desperate about the situation and I’m pretty deep in my thoughts when Shawn takes my hand and stops me before I could walk out of the building.

“Naya, let’s… talk for a minute, okay?”

I just nod my head as we sit down in two seats in the corner. No one is batting an eye at us fortunately.

“I, uh- I just wanted to tell you that… I know it’s scary and everything, and Andrew will probably explode when we tell him, but… I’m totally in.”

“In what?” I ask confused.

“In this. In us, in investing in this pregnancy. I want to be part of it, no matter how crazy things will get. And I guess I’m not saying anything new if I say I want us to… continue from where we were before things went downhill.”

“Things didn’t go downhill, our work came to its end and I did the logical thing.”

“But this is not work anymore. I want to give us a chance.”

I stare at him with mixed emotions. I don’t know what I want, I need time to figure out my next step. I have so much to worry about now that my feelings for Shawn must come second… or third… I’m more worried about what Andrew will say, how I’m going to work and what will people think if it ever gets out.

“I need time. It’s just too messy for me now. I’m sorry, but… I need to figure everything out.”

I can tell my answer doesn’t satisfy him, but he doesn’t protest. Pressing his lips together he nods shortly before we continue our way out of the clinic.

I’m shitting my pants when we reach the office complex where we are supposed to meet Andrew and Justin. I have no idea what to expect, but I’m sure it won’t be too pretty. Shawn tries to calm me telling me that it will be alright, but I know we are in trouble.

Shawn knocks on the door that has Andrew’s name on it and when we get the approval he opens the door.

“Ah, hey! I didn’t know you would be here too,” he immediately says when he sees me, confusion all over his face as he shakes hands with Shawn shooting him a questioning look. But he just ignores it and turns to the other guy in the room.

“Hey man, this is…” he starts gesturing at me, but he is not sure which name to use, so I step ahead and hold a hand out for Justin.

“I’m Naya. Hi.”

This is already over the work relationship I formed previously, my real name is justifiable. I see Andrew’s surprised face from the corner of my eyes and I know he is a smart guy, he must be putting the picture together slowly. But I bet he has no idea about the bomb we are about to drop onto him.

“Hey, Justin. Nice to meet you,” Stirling shakes my hand and soon we all take our places. Andrew is behind the desk, Justin is leaning against the bookshelf in the corner while Shawn and I are sitting in front of them.

“So, what is this meeting about?” Andrew questions. I turn to Shawn and he is already opening his mouth to answer.

“I have something to tell you, but I hope you won’t get mad. I just want you to listen to me.” Andrew nods and Shawn continues. “So… During the one month Naya and I kinda got cozy, if you know what I mean. In the last two weeks things escalated quickly, so it all took a romantic turn. But, um, w-we ended it when the month was over,” he adds and I’m staring at Andrew, trying to read his expressions, but I can’t. He is like a statue.

“Okay, go on, what is the problem?” he asks leaning back in his seat, but I have a feeling he already figured it out, because when he looks at me I can feel his eyes burning into my skin.

“We made a very reckless and immature mistake by… Um, we- we didn’t…” Shawn’s stuttering is getting under my skin, so I take a deep breath and just blurt it out.

“We didn’t use protection and I’m pregnant.”

The room falls silent, Andrew is staring at me, Shawn is staring at Andrew, Justin is staring at Shawn and I’m staring at the floor. The words felt heavy in my mouth and I’m afraid my heart is about to jump out of my chest.

After what feels like eternity, Andrew takes his glasses off pinching the bridge of his nose as he takes a few deep breaths. Once he places the glasses back he leans on the desk and finally speaks.

“Have you been to a doctor or you just did a test?” he asks in a calm, but distant tone.

“We went to the clinic together today. I was there, it’s one hundred percent,” Shawn answers for me.

“How many weeks are you?”

“It’s the fourth,” I mumble ashamed. Andrew’s questions are prim and strict, it all feels like an interrogation.

I look at Justin for the first time since Shawn started talking and his face looks blank, but I can tell his thoughts are racing, trying to figure out what to do with the situation.

“Okay, and what do you want?”

I furrow my eyebrows confused.

“What I want? I don’t understand it…”

“What do you want?” He repeats. “Money? Followers? A job? What do you want?”

“I don’t wa- You think I did this to get stuff from you or Shawn?” I ask realizing what this is about. Shawn’s first reaction was almost the same and now I’m definitely hurt. I never made them believe I’m a scheming bitch, why does everyone think I’m using them?

“Of course the thought crosses my mind, otherwise, how could you be so reckless to have unsafe sex?” he asks as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, but it’s just making my blood boil.

“Andrew, it’s not-“ Shawn starts, but I cut him off.

“How dare you accuse me of being such a horrible person? You know nothing about me! Just because I work as an escort doesn’t mean I have such low life choices as getting myself knocked up by a client! You know what? It was a mistake to come here.” I grab my bag and throwing it on my shoulder I stand up, ready to leave. Everyone moves with me, Andrew and Shawn jump up and Justin takes a step towards me, all three of them to stop me, but the intentions are not the same. While Shawn wants me to stay because he cares about me, Andrew is just afraid is I slip out the door he can’t control the news anymore.

Shawn grabs my wrist and gently pulls me closer to him.

“Please don’t go, let’s talk.”

“You are not leaving without a confidentiality contract, no way you are walking out just like that,” Andrew growls and it’s just making it worse.

“You’re not making me do anything. I don’t need anything from you,” I spat at him and Shawn stands between us, as if he is afraid we would start a fist fight.

“Let’s calm down and talk, okay? Please!” he pleads, but behind him Andrew doesn’t seem too committed.

“I can’t deal with him if he is treating me like a bitch,” I say in a low voice, but the room is small, so everyone can hear it. Though I don’t care.

“Andrew, would you calm down? It was all an accident, she is not trying to ruin me,” he tells his manager turning to face him, but he is still holding my wrist.

I can tell Andrew is boiling inside, holding himself back not to throw the desk at me, and we are staring at each other like two hungry lions over the last piece of meat. Poor Shawn is standing in the middle, hoping he won’t have to pull us out of a fight anytime soon.

Then he takes a deep breath and nods.

“I’m sorry, but this was… quite shocking. I wasn’t expecting this.”

“I get it, it was a shocker for everyone, but let’s just talk about it, okay?” Shawn offers and I’m too tired and emotionally drained out to start a fight, so I nod my head agreeing.

We manage to sit back to our previous places and Justin stands right behind Andrew as we try to start it over again without the accusations and drama.

“I’m sorry for reacting so harshly,” Andrew starts, obviously thinking through his choice of words. “I’m just shocked, but of course, I don’t think you are trying to use Shawn. So… Let’s figure out what to do,” he offers and we all nod agreeing. “Was abortion ever an option?”

“No,” Shawn and I answer at the same time even though we never discussed it. Despite the difficulties of the situation I wouldn’t be able to abort this baby, it’s just impossible for me and I guess Shawn thinks the same way.

“Alright, then we need a strategy,” Andrew tells a bit more like to himself than to us as he is staring down at his desk. “Um… Are you guys…”

“Are you guys together now?” Justin asks speaking up for the first time in a while.

I see Shawn turning to me from the corner of my eyes, and his gaze is burning my temple as he is staring at me.

“It’s… it’s undefined. I have to figure a lot of stuff out.” I say feeling a bit guilty under their examining looks.

“But this is all joint now. Your decisions effect our work as well, I’m sorry, but you can’t just run free. Obviously, Shawn wants to take part in the baby’s life, so we have to work together. What stuff do you need to figure out?”

I feel awkward and anxious as I realize that he is right. I have to worry about myself, the baby and also consider Shawn as a third party, because he has the right to take part in this journey. I owe him honesty.

“I-I have to think about work, I need to talk to Joshua, because as soon as it gets visible I can’t work. But then I need money, because…” I don’t finish the sentence, I’m not ready to share my giant debts with them and listen to their pity. No way.

“Naya, I can support you financially. Let me help you out!” Shawn sighs obviously being over my shit, but I’m just too stubborn.

“No. That’s your money. I have my own problems to solve,” I protest.

“But I told you, we are in this together! I won’t just watch you struggle.”

“I can’t ask you to do me such a huge favor,” I shake my head staring down at my hands. I’m ashamed to admit how much debt I have to pay for every month.

“You’re not asking, I’m offering it.”

“Shawn stop!” I snap at him as I feel myself getting emotional again. “You have no idea how deep I��m in this shit! I inherited 1.2 million dollars of debts after my mom disappeared and left my number to everyone she was owing to, so now I’m paying thousands of dollars every month, because if I don’t, I might end up dead in a dumpster!”

My outburst is followed by total silence and my eyes are tearing up pretty quick. I didn’t mean to say it out loud, I never want people to know how much I struggle because of my own mother. She was a failure, never had a decent job so he paid for her debts by asking for more money from different people. Living this lifestyle for almost ten years can send you down the spiral, and when she disappeared after I moved out from her she left 1.2 million dollars worth of debt, forcing me to start working as an escort since this was the only job that offered me enough money each month to cover everything. I’ve paid back about half of the money by now, but I’m still coughing the rest every damn month. I was once late with paying, the next day two not too friendly guys showed up at my apartment and taught me a lesson with their fists. I never want to experience that. I scared the shit out of Elisa when she saw my black-eye.

“Can we… Can we have this conversation sometime later? I’m really not feeling good,” I say after a long time. I guess I shocked everyone with my outburst, they are all speechless. Shawn is the first one to recover after the scene.

“Um, Andrew how about we all have lunch tomorrow and talk about this? I think we all need some time to adjust the situation.”

I thank God for this offer, because I’m nauseous and anxious to sit here and talk about the future that involves a baby in my belly.

“It’s a great idea. Let’s just think about everything and come prepared the next time,” Justin nods agreeing and Andrew seems to be on the same page as well.

I put on my coat and keeping my gaze down I leave the office while Shawn exchanges a few words. I stop at the hallway waiting for him, chewing on my bottom lip I’m on the verge of crying once again. A few minutes later Shawn appears and seeing my long face he wraps an arm around my shoulders pulling me to his chest and this is exactly what I need right now.

“How about we get some takeaway, go to my place, eat and… just chill. Hm?” He offers mumbling into my hair, running his hands up and down my arms soothingly. I just nod my head, I’m too weak and stressed to talk and though I know I shouldn’t be getting closer to him, I just can’t resist. I need his presence, I want him to tell me it’s going to be okay, I just need somebody.

No.

I need him.

I AM SHOOK ARE YOU SHOOK LETS ALL BE SHOOK no im just kidding I WROTE IT hahaha okay im done here bye

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