#hes doomed from the beginning even though he wants and reaches for help. in his own ways but i think he does. god stop this pls | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spaceyaceface · 10 months

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Only In Dreams

Ominis Gaunt x f!Reader/MC

This fic was written based on the angst prompt the wonderful @applinsandoranges gave me!!! I had SUCH a great time writing this, thank you so so much lovely! There's definitely a lot of angst in here, but I am but a softy, and couldn't help but give it a happy ending :)

Summary: She spent her days in love with him, and her nights wishing they were together. But she knew it would never be---Ominis Gaunt had sworn off love for the sake of ending his family's legacy. She knew she wouldn't be an exception to that.

Prompt: “I’d rather sleep in all day ‘til I’m dead”

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Angst

It hurt, being so in love with her best friend.

It hurt even more when even sleep didn’t let her escape from it.

She woke with a start, hand reaching up to brush over her lips, recalling the echo of his breath mingling with hers from just before she awoke. The first few times she’d had that dream she couldn’t help but shed a few tears. Now, though, she only released a shuddering breath and arose to begin her day.

The dream was always the same. They were standing in some room—she wasn’t sure where, exactly, but that didn’t matter. All she saw was him. He smiled, and told her that he loved her. Then he leaned closer, closer—

And there it ended.

Night after night, she lived through the same tormenting scenario, one she was absolutely certain was impossible.

She had been in love with Ominis Gaunt since the summer after her sixth year when he came to visit her small flat in London. They had walked down the street, arm in arm under the flickering streetlights. When they had stopped on a bridge and he offered her his coat, she knew she was doomed. It had only gotten worse since then. Every innocent touch felt like fire. The rare laughs he gave when in the company of his closest friends made her stomach tumble end over end. And in the night, when she fell asleep thinking of him, he found his way into her dreams.

Maybe they were nightmares. She didn’t know what to call them anymore. All she knew is that they were painful, showing the desires that could never be.

Ominis had told her several times throughout their friendship that he planned on never marrying. It would be selfish of him, he insisted, dragging any undeserving person into the mess that was the Gaunts. To ask someone to bear that name—the possibility of children forced to have it—it was too much. No, he had told her. He couldn’t do that to anyone. Better not to love when he was certain it would result in nothing but continuing his family’s legacy of pain.

Back before her feelings for him had fully come about, she had tried to argue against his stance. Ridiculous, she had told him. Why should their mistakes define whatever happiness you might find? But it was useless. When the subject came up after she had fallen like stones were tied to her feet she felt she couldn’t speak on the issue. Before, it had been for him. For his happiness. But suddenly, it felt like she was trying to convince him for her sake.

She knew full well that she would not be an exception to his decision, as little as she cared about what the name Gaunt would mean if it ever became hers.

As she finished dressing, she sat on her bed, closing her eyes and sighing. What she wouldn’t give to live in that dream. Where none of that mattered. Where he felt the same. Where that ache in her chest became a flame of excitement and hope.

Just as she had every day for the past month, she walked down to the Great Hall, as if there was nothing wrong at all.

Despite the pain of having what she wanted so near, she couldn’t help but seek out Ominis’s calming presence. She was a moth to his soothing flame, eager to hear his quiet voice as he whispered witty remarks, desperate to let her hand brush his as they walked. So when she entered the Great Hall and saw him talking to Sebastian, she smiled.

His head tilted toward her as she approached, having long memorized the sound of her footsteps. His soft smile graced his lips. “I swear, you get here later and later every day. Soon enough you’ll be missing breakfast all together.”

She chuckled. “I’ll just have Sebastian help me nick something from the kitchens when I do.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Please. You know stealing from the kitchen is easier than anything. If you need help with that, you’re hopeless.”

“Maybe I just wanted the company.”

“Are you suggesting Sebastian is good company?” Ominis said, smirking.

“I never said good or bad. He is entertaining, in the least.”

Sebastian tore off part of the toast he’d been eating and threw it at her. “I don’t know why I talk to the two of you. There’s never a break from the torment.”

“Except right now,” Ominis said. “Off to Ancient Runes you go, unless you’d rather join us for History of Magic.”

He scoffed. “Never. I can’t believe the two of you still take that class. Voluntarily.”

“It’s an interesting subject, Binns is just an awful professor,” she said.

Ominis shrugged. “I just take it for my beauty sleep.”

“Merlin knows you need it,” Sebastian said, patting Ominis’s shoulder and starting down the hall. “I’ll see the two of you later.”

She and Ominis began walking to class, one of the rituals they had together. She’d always enjoyed having this class with him, whether it was spent sharing not-so-quiet whispers or nodding off for a morning nap, it was always nice.

And as she watched Ominis as he laid his head against his hand, she remembered just why she didn’t mind the nodding-off days.

He looked so peaceful as he napped, his protected expression giving way to one of pure bliss. It always made her sad to think she saw that softness from him so rarely—it made her hate his family all the more for stealing that from him, like so much else.

She didn’t know how long she sat, watching him sleep. She didn’t know how long it was until she dozed off herself. But suddenly, there she was, once again.

All she could focus on was his face tilted down toward her, his hands grasping her own. The rest of the world around them was a blur—it didn’t matter. Not when he was there with her, grinning like a fool.

“I should have told you ages ago,” he said. “I love you. More than anything.”

The words came so easily. “I love you, too.”

He leaned forward, placing a hand on her cheek to help guide him. She would wake up any second now, she knew. She would open her eyes and—

His lips met hers. They were soft, gentle. Her head was spinning, heart pounding in her ears. She tilted her head just so—

The jostle on her shoulder catapulted her back to reality. Her breath was coming fast as she looked over at Ominis, his hand still on her arm. A quick glance around the near-empty classroom told her class had just ended.

“Sorry to wake you, but it’s time to go,” Ominis said.

He stood and offered his hand to her. Fighting warmth in her face, she took it, letting go quickly once she was on her feet. His brows furrowed. He seemed to have noticed the slight tremor in her hand.

They walked down the hall, heading to their next lesson. She couldn’t look at him—not without seeing the image of him in her dream. She did her best to act normal, chatting with him softly as they went.

But Ominis knew her too well. He stopped at the end of one of the corridors and turned toward her. “Are you alright? You’re acting… off.”

She pressed her lips together. “I’m fine, Ominis.”

“You don’t seem fine,” he said softly, taking a step closer to her. She sucked in a sharp breath. “Did… did you have a nightmare, just now in class?”

Only he could see right through her like that. “No, not really. It was just a dream.”

“Just a dream?” He shifted his weight, shaking his head a bit. “I don’t think it qualifies as ‘just a dream’ if it’s left you in a state like this.”

“It was… it was a dream that couldn’t come true, alright?” she said softly. “I can’t explain any more than that.”

“Maybe if you talked about it, it would help—”

“Ominis, please,” she said, voice pleading. “Drop it. I can’t talk about it.”

And drop it he did.

He was so bloody kind. So damn respectful. It made her want to bawl her eyes out.

The dreams only got worse in the coming days. She imagined the feeling of his lips on hers nearly every night, and then it progressed to more soft moments she had always been longing for—laying side by side in a field, hands intertwined, his arms wrapped around her as he pressed a kiss to her forehead—and then the worst of all. Ominis, standing down an aisle, soft music playing as she stepped toward him.

That was the one that destroyed her. She woke up in tears, curling up in the corner of the bed and trying not to wake her dorm mates with her sobs. Of all the cruel things her mind could conjure up, that one stung like a knife to the heart, because there was nothing she wanted more than to devote herself completely to the man she loved so much.

She thought about avoiding him for a while. See if it would get the dreams to stop. But each time she went someone, determined not to talk to him or look his way, there he was, a lighthouse shining out for her ship so lost at sea. He called her home to him, time after time, and she went, no matter how much it hurt.

It was Sebastian who finally called her out for her strange behavior. She knew it had only been a matter of time. She was too anxious, too jumpy compared to normal. Shen her two friends would bicker, she would find herself lost in thought, only to be startled when one of them asked her a question.

“What’s been going on with you?” Sebastian asked as the two of them settled on the floor of the Undercroft. “We’ve been worried. You’re not yourself.”

A million options of what to tell him ran through her head. But after just a moment or two, she finally settled on what to say—the truth.

“I love him, Sebastian,” she admitted, voice barely above a whisper. Instinctively, she pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her head on them. “I love him so much, and I don’t…” The tears started coming, and once they began, she couldn’t stop them. Sobs worked their way up her throat, all of the aches she had built up for months finally letting loose.

Sebastian rushed to comfort her, albeit a bit taken back by the outburst of emotion. He rubbed his hand over her back, trying to soothe her. “Hey—hey, it’s alright. You’ll be alright,” he said softly.

She tried to regain control. It was difficult, but she focused on taking deep breaths. When Sebastian saw she had calmed down enough to talk once more, he let out a sigh. “You’re talking about Ominis?”

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

“Can I ask how long?”

“Since he visited me last summer but… God, Sebastian, it’s only been getting worse.” She took a shuddering breath. “For weeks now, I’ve dreamed that he feels the same, even though I know he’ll never…” She bit her lip, eyes welling up once more.

“A dream that couldn’t come true,” Sebastian said, sounding far off. Ominis had told him of his worries after History of Magic, of course. Now it all made sense. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know it’ll never happen,” she said. “He made it very clear he has no intention to pursue anyone like that. I’ve accepted it.”

She wished Sebastian could reassure her. Tell her no, you’ve got it all wrong, he’s mad for you. But they both knew their friend—that he had locked up his heart and thrown away the key, despite any and all protest from them. So Sebastian didn’t say empty words of ‘you never know’ or ‘it could work out’ or ‘you’ve still got a chance’. Instead, he looked at her with eyes full of sorrow, and offered a tight lipped smile. “Do you think it would help if you just told him?”

“Maybe,” she admitted. “Then I could put it to rest. I could stop fooling myself that there could be a way to make things work.” She could stop dreaming about it.

Sebastian left. He promised he would find Ominis, send him down there to talk to her. She’d have a few minutes to gather her courage, to find the right words.

And then it’d be over.

She could only hope it wouldn’t destroy their friendship—all the good they had built. She needed him, desperately, in any way she could have him. He was the anchor in her life.

When the door to the Undercroft opened, she felt like she might suffocate. He called out her name.

“Are you alright? Sebastian said you needed to talk, what’s going on?” His voice was on the verge of panic. It pulled at the most tender parts of her heart. In a moment, he stood in front of her, putting away his wand. “What’s happened?”

She closed her eyes, steeling herself up. “I’m fine, Ominis, I just needed to tell you something. Something I hope doesn’t ruin everything.”

“Ruin…” His voice trailed off. “I’m… afraid I don’t follow.”

“I love you, Ominis.” The words, the ones that she had locked away for so long, the ones she had swore to herself she would never utter, pierced the air with sudden sharpness. She watched Ominis’s expression wash away, an empty slate of utter shock overtaking it. “I love you. I… I needed you to know that. I’m sorry. I don’t expect anything from you. You’ve already told me you would never love another like this. I suppose my heart just couldn’t heed those warnings.”

He didn’t even seem to be breathing. His mouth opened slowly, as if trying to form a response, but closed again.

She brushed her hand on his arm. “It’s ok. You don’t need to say anything. I just needed to put this all to rest. I hope…” her voice trembled. “I hope we can remain as friends.”

She left him alone in the Undercroft before she could start sobbing yet again.

When Ominis entered the common room, he was an utter mess.

Sebastian had waited up for him—he expected he would need to talk after everything happened. By the time Ominis finally came back, everyone else had gone off to bed.

Ominis’s usually neat hair was disheveled from running his hands through it over and over again. His blazer was held bunched up in his arm, no care for the later wrinkles it was sure to have. The hand holding his wand in front of him was shaking terribly.

“I take it she told you?” Sebastian said softly, clearly worried about the state of his friend.

Ominis didn’t answer, dropping his coat on one of the sofas and pressing his hands to his face.

“What happened? What did you say to her?” Sebastian asked. If this was how Ominis had fared after their conversation, he could only imagine how she was doing.

“I didn’t say anything.” Ominis’s voice was quiet. Hollow.

“You—hold on, she laid her heart out to you, and you didn’t say anything?” Sebastian stood, folding his arms across his chest.

“What was I supposed to say, Sebastian?” Ominis said. “My mind went blank.”

“You tell her it’ll be alright!” Sebastian replied, anger edging its way into his voice. “You tell her that even if you don’t love her the same, you’ll still be there for her.”

“I can’t lie to her, she’d see right through it,” Ominis said.

“So you’re abandoning her, then?” Sebastian took a step closer to his friend. “You can’t handle knowing she cares so deeply for you, so you cut her off?”

“That’s not what I’d be lying about!”

Ominis collapsed onto the sofa, head falling into his hands. The meaning of his words slowly sank in.

“You love her, too?”

His silence was enough of an answer.

“Then why didn’t you tell her that?” Sebastian’s voice had lost all of its fury as he came to sit next to his friend.

“How could I?” Ominis scoffed. “You know what I’ve always said. I don’t want to drag anyone into my mess of a family. I thought I could simply… not fall in love. It sounded easy enough. But she came along and…” He shook his head, sighing. “How could I ask her to be part of all of that?”

“But you wouldn’t be,” Sebastian said. “You wouldn’t be asking her to be part of your family. You’d be asking her to be with you. I think she’s made it pretty clear she would say yes to that in a heartbeat.”

“Sebastian, you don’t—”

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You deserve to find happiness. You’ve found it in her. Your bloodline shouldn’t determine that for you.”

“I…” Ominis pressed his lips together. “I’ll think about it.”

Sebastian sighed. “I suppose that’s the best I’m going to get.” He stood, patting his friend on the shoulder. “I’m off to bed. If you have any sense in you, you’ll tell her first thing in the morning.”

It was a good long while later when Ominis finally entered the dorm room. Even as he laid out on his bed, sleep evaded him. When the first bit of sunlight began to warm the room, Ominis pulled himself out of his mess of sheets.

First thing in the morning it was.

He didn’t even know if she would be awake yet, or if she would have been out of her dorm. But he couldn’t lay in his bed a moment longer. He’d search for her, for hours if he needed to, just to feel like he was doing something.

Funny how she was at the first place he looked.

She’d always been fond of the boathouse. She’d told him how some nights when she couldn’t sleep, she’d sit out there to look out at the stars. It was always quiet there, just the lapping of gentle waves from the lake and a soft breeze. She was leaning against the railing of the dock, his wand told him, staring out over the water.

“I thought you might be out here.”

She didn’t respond, but patted the railing beside her, an invitation to join her. He put his wand away and settled where she’d indicated. He took in a deep breath through his nose, letting the fresh scent of pine carried over the lake soothe him.

“It’s a lovely sunrise,” she said softly.

He was sure it was. He could feel it—the growing warmth of the early morning. “I came to apologize,” he said.

“You don’t need to do that,” she said. “You can’t help if you don’t feel the same. Please don’t feel bad about it, Ominis.”

“But I—that’s not what I’m apologizing for.” He took a deep breath, preparing himself. “I didn’t say a word last night. That was awful of me. To leave you in the dark on the thoughts running through my head. I can’t imagine what this night has been like for you, it was tormenting me, thinking of how it must have made you feel.”

He heard a slight movement from her, an inhaling breath that told him she was about to respond. “Please,” he said, interrupting her before she could speak. “Please, let me finish. I need you to know exactly how I feel.”

She stayed quiet. He willed himself to go on. “When you told me you loved me, I… I was afraid. You were right. I had always been determined not to fall in love, not to allow myself those feelings. But then I met you, and it made me question everything.” He felt her attention trained fully on him. “Before I knew it, I was in love with you. How could I have expected anything less? But I was still so caught up in my family, in the legacy they’ve left, how I could never ask you to be a part of it. You deserve so much better than all of it.”

He turned his head, facing toward her. “But I can’t let them loom over me forever. Not when it keeps me from what I want most. I love you. If you’ll have me, I am yours.”

He didn’t have a chance to prepare himself for the way she threw herself on him. The way his arms wrapped tightly around her waist as he fell was pure instinct. The two of them tumbled to the pier, and he couldn’t even think to feel any pain over the sound of her joyful laughs.

They sat up. One arm was still around her waist, and her own were thrown over his shoulders. Her nose buried itself right by the crook of his neck, the warm breath of her laughs tickling him. He couldn’t help his own laughter as it bubbled out of him. The months—years of aching, of wanting, of waiting, slipping away in an instant.

She pulled her face back, and he could feel her eyes tracing over him. “I love you,” she said softly, smile in her voice. “I love you more than anything.”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, and all she could think was how much better it was than her dreams.

#Ominis gaunt #ominis gaunt x reader #ominis gaunt x mc #ominis x reader #ominis x mc #ominis gaunt imagine #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy ominis #ominis imagine #ominis x you

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coryosbaby · 7 months

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Your Face .

Fandom: “Saw (2004)”

Pairing: Adam Faulkner Stanheight x fem! Reader

Synopsis: you’ll never leave him again.

Cw: angst, mentions of past murder, injuries, money struggles, mentions of past sex work, night terrors, codependency, attachment issues // nsfw . hand jobs, nipple play, cum eating, praise, mommy kink, oral (f recieving)

🪚

Couple’s therapy really isn’t easy when the both of you were victims of a fucking serial killer.

If you can even call it couples therapy— talking about how you feel towards each other and trying to fix your relationship is some sort of therapy, you guess.

Maybe it’s not healthy to stay with the person you were held in captivity with. But even before that, you were attached at the hip. Even if you were both on and off before the incident, you were still both incredibly infatuated with one another. You would never be able to escape that face: Adam’s beautiful, almost angelic face. It’s been that way since the end of high school graduation, and it’ll be that way until the end of your life.

You know why Jigsaw had chosen you. It was obvious, wasn’t it? Your money situation had been terrible before he had taken you, and in his mind, you were a whore, a dancer, a prostitute. But never in your mind could you ever contemplate why he chose Adam: your sweet boy, your best friend, your sweetheart. Adam.

You still dream about the last day you were there, sometimes. When you had carried out the plan Adam had come up with: just shoot me. Shoot me in the shoulder so he thinks I’m dead. And then get us both out. And when you had, trying every desperate attempt to find the key to the chains, you had reached your hand down into the sink drain. It was a wonder you had somehow escaped those chains without having to cut your own foot off. Adam’s cries sounded a lot in your ears, now. In your own haste to go and get help you had left him there with John Kramer. Even when he had begged you not to. Even when he almost died.

It was a wonder you both got out alive. It was a wonder you had managed to come back, fight the man off, and get him out of there.

And ever since, it’s like Adam has only ever though about that. The moment you left him in that room. The fear he felt, the impending doom.

Maybe you both need an actual therapist .

Some nights, nights like these, Adam has problems sleeping. When he does, it’s like he’s placed back in there in that room with you— being tortured, shot, and humiliated. And on some nights like these, he wakes you up for your affection and assistance. Eyes shooting open, an extreme amount of fear goes through the poor boy’s tired body. He’s there.

He’s quick to shake you awake. Your eyes open with confusion, and then once the situation settles in you understand it’s one of those nights. Lifting yourself up, you frown when you see the tears beginning to well in Adam’s eyes.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

He sniffles, trying to cover his face now that he’s being half brought back into reality.

“I just woke up. I don’t—“ his hands grab at his hair, pulling, as he cries. “— I don’t know. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, sweetheart..”

You push his hands out of his hair and replace them with yours instead. You soothe his scalp with your fingernails, and kiss him. You used to have night terrors for this same reason, so you understand how this must feel for him. He moves down so he can lay on your thighs. He feels sad and embarrassed and scared. You stroke the outline of his face with gentle fingers: beautiful, strong nose, sharp jawline, gorgeous eyes, plump lips. Any woman’s dream.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You murmur to him. He quickly shakes his head. He lets out a pained little moan, almost like a scared little rabbit. You lean down, and kiss him on his nose.

“I know, honey. I know it’s hard. But you aren’t there anymore, okay? You’re right here. I’m right here.”

He nods, but you know he’s just trying to stop you from seeing how deeply the night terrors affect him. He’s always been such a strong boy.

Your forehead pressed against his cheek, you whisper to him.

“Do you want something to drink? Some water, some tea? I can make you some..”

“Y-Yeah. Maybe some water, momma, if that’s okay.”

That sweet little nickname you adore so much from him. You smile.

“Okay.” You lift him off of you, rounding the bed to make your way out of the bedroom. “I’m gonna go into the kitchen—“

“Please don’t leave me!”

It’s immediate, the way you freeze up and stop at the end of the bed. You almost start to cry yourself.

Adam is embarrassed at his outburst, and he sobs, all of his emotions flooding out. He crawls over to you and wraps his arms around your waist. He rests his head against your thighs. You know now that the glass of water will have to wait a bit when he utters that familiar set of words. The same tone, same amount of fear lacing his cracking voice. It brings it all back to you, just as Adam’s dreams bring it back to him.

You let him cry out for a few more minutes, stopping to grab some tissues from the bedside table and clean him up when he’s calmed. Your fingers settle into his hair; soft and wavy under your fingertips, you shush him with a gentle hum.

“I’ll never leave you, Adam,” you whisper, soft. “Never. I swear.”

And you know that it’s true. Your fingertips move down to his jaw, lifting his face up so he can look at you. He’s coming back down from his nightmare, and real life is starting to seep in. He isn’t in that bathroom anymore. He’s in his apartment— our apartment, including you, in his brain. Not the one he got taken from. Not the bathroom. This is new, this is safe— and jigsaw is dead.

You sit down next to him on the queen sized mattress you had bought together. He buries his face in your neck, breathes in the familiar scent of vanilla, laundry detergent, and sweet strawberry perfume. Unadulterated bliss.

“Promise?” He sniffles, sticking his hands in between the valley of your breasts and traveling down to your tummy. He rests it there, soft.

“I promise.”

And when he’s calmed, when you’ve wiped all his tears away, you go and get him a glass of water. Only this time, his arms are wrapped around you from behind tightly the entire way to the kitchen.

Safe.

He drinks about two glasses. When you guide him back to your shared room you sit him down on the bed.

“I don’t think I can go back to sleep,” he murmurs, embarrassed. You make sure that he doesn’t become ashamed of nights like these.

“It’s okay,” you reply. You smile as you kiss his forehead “Im off tomorrow. We can just stay up and go to sleep when you feel like it.”

Adam is now thankful that you’ve moved on from your life of sex work and into retail, because that means that he doesn’t have to worry about you as much. So it puts him in a good mood to remember that, and also to remember that he’s gonna have you for the rest of the day. He leans forward, plants a kiss to your lips. He smells like cigarettes.

You kiss him again. Harsher, a bit. Tongue slipping inside the warm canal of his mouth. Perfection.

You don’t want to urge him to do anything sexual with you right now unless he doesn’t want to. So you pull away, thumb brushing over the scar on his shoulder. It’s a spot you’ve come accustomed to— one that he’s sensitive about, but not with you. Never with you.

He leans in again and his kiss is heavy. He’s desperate, now, not only craving your body but also craving a distraction.

“Wait,” you breathe against his lips. “Are you sure, baby? Sure you wanna do this right now?”

“I want it..” he whines. His hand grabs yours and places it over his bulge. “Please? It hurts..”

You can’t resist him when he gets like this, and you know it helps him forget the things that plague his thoughts. So your palm grinds down into that spot that he laid your hands on. He breathes out a small breathy sound, one that makes him grind up into your hand. His body is slowly making its way down onto the bed. Laying down, he can see the lace slip adorning your body starting to fall down, down, down. Your cleavage is pretty, he thinks. Nice and soft enough to stick his cock in between.

He’s wearing one of his white shirts, and you lift it up to his shoulders to expose his bare torso. He’s gained a bit of weight since that wretched room, a little bit of his tummy beginning to fatten up. You find it absolutely adorable. Kissing there, you make your way up to his chest and pepper small bites on his chest. Marking him there is your favorite activity.

Your tongue laves over one of his areolas, kissing and scraping your teeth on it. He mewls, a small little “‘s good.” leaving his pretty lips. He’s always had sensitive nipples, and you love to play around with them.

He lifts himself up so he can slide the rest of his shirt off. Pretty muscled biceps replace the white fabric of the sleeves, and on one of them the gunshot scar sits. He’s still so perfect.

“My perfect boy,” you coo. “God, look at you. You’re gorgeous.”

He blushes, a thank you making its way from him. You move away from him, farther up to the head of the bed, and lean against the bed frame. He knows instantly that you want him up against your chest. You reach towards the bedside table and reach into the drawer where you keep your special things. When you pull out a vibrator, Adam crawls towards you with morbid curiosity.

You’ve used toys on him before, but for some reason, not this one. He leans back against your chest and adjusts so you can take his cock out of his pajama pants. It slaps against his lower belly, wet and dripping. He’s always had such a pretty cock, all thick and hard and red. He’s got a lot of girth, enough to make it hard to close your fist around him.

The vibrator has a lot of power to it; you know this because you’ve used it on yourself many times. You hold Adam’s cock with one hand, and with another you switch it on. He gulps as he watches the toy in your hand.

“Okay?” You ask. He nods, pretty lashes fluttering shut as you watch his confirmation. His head tilts back and his mouth falls open in ecstasy when you press the vibrator to his aching tip.

“Oh, god.” He moans.

You move it down to his base, rubbing teasing circles into the soft skin there. Adam wraps his hands around your arms, desperate to have something to grab onto.

“So pretty like this,” you praise him. You move one of your hands up to his hair so you can rest it there. You kiss his neck gently. “My sweet Adam. Your cock is so hard, isn’t it? So hard for mommy.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He chants, whimpering. “It’s ‘s good.. love you so much.”

Your heart flutters, breathing in against his neck. He smells so nice that it almost makes your head tingle.

“I love you too, sweet boy.” You say. You move the vibrator down to his balls, and a moan rips through his throat. He sounds so heavenly that you can’t resist reaching down in between your thighs and rubbing your clit. When you pull away your slick coats your fingers, and you rub them up against the boy’s lips. He accepts them greedily, keening at the taste of you on his tongue. Crooking the digits, you make sure to keep them flush against Adam’s teeth; he loves having them in his mouth.

“Never gonna leave you again, honey. Gonna stay with you forever and ever, gonna make this fat cock cum… ”

And god, if that doesn’t make Adam’s balls draw up tight then he doesn’t know what will. Precious noises spew from his lips as his orgasm approaches him.

“Yes! Please, mommy, pleasepleaseplease, gonna cum—“

And although he didn’t last long this time, it doesn’t matter to you. Once his cock is dripping white, you set the vibrator aside. Your fingers scoop up some of his creamy spend, and with a lolling tongue you lick it all up. He tastes amazing, just perfect. Your perfect boy.

Sighing, he leans against you for a moment. He turns around, gives you a sweet little sultry smile, and returns to you the same perfect amount of pleasure. He does this by shoving his magnificent tongue in between your thighs. And skilled, the boy is— he loves to please. He thinks your pussy is the best he’s ever tasted or smelled in his entire life, and while he rubs his soft wet muscle against your clit his eyes roll back and small moans leave him. When you cum he makes sure you have two more orgasms— one from his fingers, another from his cock that had somehow gotten hard for you again.

And in the scene where his cock is inside you, you’re on top of him while he lets out little grunts and moans. You bounce up and down on him until your slick is white and wet, dripping down his thighs and onto the sheets. He had lit a cigarette somewhere between three fingers inside you and now, and his lips are wrapped around it while he watches you ride him. Holding it between two of his fingers, he exhales smoke at the same time that your teeth scrape along his nipple and your nails dig into his shoulders. He gasps— angelic. Then he tilts his head back, and cums.

That face is another one you’ll never forget— his pretty eyes shutting, mouth agape and cheeks ablaze. You don’t think you could ever leave this pretty thing ever again.

#adam stanheight #Adam stanheight x reader #Adam stanheight x fem! reader #Adam stanheight smut #leigh whannell #saw #saw 2004 #saw 2004 fanfic #Adam stanheight fanfic

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visionsofmagic · 6 months

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saving [kuai liang, tomas • short]

―✹ they save you from an attack of lin kuei and propose you join shirai ryu.

+ requested by anon! couldn’t get whether you wanted it to be kuai liang x reader x smoke, so, I did it separately, hope you all will like this! special thanks to anon! 💌 "Can you write for Smoke and Kuai Liang from Mk1? Something like saving the reader from a Lin Kuei attack and offering reader shelter in the Shirai Ryu"

+ hurt/comfort, gn!reader, mentions of blood and injuries, soft!kuai liang, soft!tomas, past mk1, fluff, a little angst, using of y/n, scared!reader, newbie!reader, friends to lovers (kinda), patching up. ‘is all. enjoy!

❦ KUAI LIANG

seeing you from a far away, he immediately understands you are in danger as the sight in front of him becomes clearer when he gets closer to you - staying behind the balcony’s edge, you use it as a shield, hands gripping your weapon tightly, the rain washing over your shaking body.

he realizes how you try to stay calm, strong, and unemotional even though you’re getting wetter each passing second, holding your own arms while listening to the silence - the fight between lin kuei and others decreases its intensity, lin kuei gets the hold of power against others.

kuai liang doesn’t waste another time when he sees you, vulnerable yet staying still.

“hey,” he says, walking towards you, not minding the rain as he kneels down to your level, hands gripping you by the arms, gently. “are you okay?” he asks, wanting you to show him that you’re capable of understanding your surroundings.

when your shining eyes meet with his, you recognize him immediately, the brother of grandmaster - kuai liang, one of your mentors.

nodding, you try to speak, “I am sorry -“ it was the first thing coming into your mind - I am sorry that I couldn’t fight stronger - be better.

the response coming from him isn’t what you expected yet it helps you to calm down, “no need to say that. just let’s get you out of here,” he adds, pointing something on your shoulder, “you are wounded.”

his remark makes you look down at the wound that stopped bleeding - the pain slowly appearing and making you hiss.

waiting no more, for an answer, he picks you up slowly and gently, looking at your surprised face from the corner of his eyes as he begins to walk. the rain pouring over his body to yours, but you don’t care about it anymore when you feel his warmness hugging you, giving a kind of protection and peace that your eyes nearly close at the moment- however, his voice takes you into reality once more, making you realize how tight he is holding you as if he lets go, it will be doom.

the proximity is enough to create a hot atmosphere along with his warmth. never imagined scorpion of all people would take care of you like this yet here you are, in his arms, going to somewhere you don’t need to ask about because you know he’s taking you to a safe place.

“try to take a bit of rest, but don’t fall asleep,” he sounds concerned, looking down at your face for a moment, “your wound needs to be healed. once we find a safer place, we will take care of it. now, just rest, okay?”

nodding, you close your eyes, putting your head onto his shoulder. in the rest of the way you rest on his shoulder as he carries you. no fear, not anymore, not when you have him, you listen to his heartbeats up close, a source of peace, and a healer to your wound which he takes care of as he promised once you reach a safe area.

he’s so gentle with you that you begin to cry when he cleans, fixes, and heals the wound with full care. it makes him go confused - holding you by the chin, he makes you look at him - a smile full of understanding is replaced on his attractive face, “don’t worry. you will be okay.”

you know it’s not the truth because how can you? you have no home in lin kuei, not after everything you’ve been through.

kuai liang gets it though, no need for words from your lips to understand the fear you have. so, he spends the next few hours thinking about how he can propose you join him as he waits for you to take some sleep. deep down, he knows he can’t let you go, not anymore because he has seen something in your eyes that makes the man find a different source of warmness contrary to the one he has naturally.

the next thing he knows kneeling before you as you sit down on the edge of the bed, caressing your hands with the tips of his fingers, smiling widely, and ensuring as he asks, “will you come with me? I know it’s a sudden and odd question but you can join me, in shirai ryu. I promise you will find peace and the power you seek in there.”

you only ask whether he will be on your side or not, and kuai chuckles at that, the relief flows into him.

he promises you that he will be on your side as long as you want him to be, and with that, the new journey you live together begins.

❦ TOMAS

the moment an attack happens, the first thing his mind is covered is you - only you and the condition you have.

the uncertainty of it makes his stomach crumble in concern. he needs to find you. he knows he has no right to think about you because he is the one who can’t say he has a weak point in his heart for you. but you know it, you know him more than he does for himself, and when you see the glimpse of nervous tomas steps inside the room you’re sitting in, a smile appears on your face.

however, tomas realizes it’s an act to hide the wounds you have when he closes the gap between you two. on his knees, hands on your arms, his eyes travel around your body, seeing blood getting dry on the shoulder and arms, cuts are long enough to make them look so painful.

“y/n,” his voice shaky, furrowing in concern and anger - how they can hurt his y/n? he is mad at them but he knows he should take you somewhere safe first. “I am so sorry that I couldn’t come any sooner.”

putting your palms on his cheeks, you smile wider, a sense of calmness washing over you knowing that he’s here and well. “no need, tomas. I am fine, don’t worry about me.”

he can’t - you mean so much to him.

he keeps his silence as he helps you get up. when he sees you can merely walk, he asks whether he can pick you up or not, and when you nod, with such care, he picks you up.

closeness makes him go all red but he doesn’t care about it at all - you are the only thing in his mind, you and tour safety.

listening to the report you’re telling on the way about how the attack has begun, how you have tried to help as many people as you can until you have ended up in a small room to wait for aid because you knew you couldn’t fight any longer without recovering.

he concludes as he listens to you carefully, and finally finds a safe room with medicine.

firstly, with the help of you, he cleans your wounds - having a blush on his face while doing so. yes, you two had these kinds of closeness yet he can’t help but feel a bit shy and excited every single time.

this time is a bit different though, because you have wounds, more than one unfortunately, and you need them to be healed as soon as possible - tomas is determined to give you what you need even if it means staying beside you all week long. he will do it with pleasure.

also, he knows there is no safe place under lin kuei’s shelter for you.

with the trust he has for kuai liang, his brother, he sits beside you on the couch, and lets you put your head down onto his shoulder.

he wishes he could be like this all the time.

“y/n,” he says, waiting for you to respond to him with a cute ‘hmm’ sound. “do you trust me?” he needs to be sure.

picking your head up, you look into his eyes, and he gets the answer only with them - shining bright as you keep looking.

“with my life.”

tomas can be any happier and sad at the same time; the former is because of the way you look at him, the words leaving your pretty mouth that touch him deeply and the latter is due to seeing you hurt.

“then, join us -“ he fixes himself, “join me. in shirai ryu, we can build something different - something better. together, side by side.”

his words echo inside your mind over and over again, the pain coming from the wounds is long forgotten. with him by your side, you feel untouched.

the happiness of highness hits you greatly when you nod, accepting his offer without hesitation. “be ready to patch me up, tomas.” “no need for that pretty y/n. I will make sure you get hurt no more.”

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cricket-reader · 11 months

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Mutual Agreement

Masterlist | A03 | Wattpad | Recommendations | Inbox

Summary: whilst on a mission, you and Bucky get caught in the cold. Your body doesn’t handle the temperature well, being you’re not a supersoldier. Your state brings back memories of Bucky’s life before Hydra, making him fear for your health.

Warnings: language, hypothermia, crying, mentions of death, fluff

Word Count: 1,551

Prompt: Delirium | Hypothermia | Stabilisation

A/N: Day 4 of June of Doom by @juneofdoom

Bucky never showed his emotions. He was a closed book, and he intended to keep it that way. But that all shattered to pieces one fateful mission.

You and Bucky had been assigned to take down an abandoned Hydra base in Russia. Bucky had wanted to go alone, but Steve insisted that he went with a partner. That partner just so happened to be you, the girl that Bucky admired from afar.

You were strong, intelligent, and beautiful. He admired you for that and all the good you had done. You were better than him in every single way.

Finding and destroying the base was an easy matter. It was abandoned, therefore, there were no surprise attacks. It was the perfect mission. No injuries, no deaths, and most importantly to Bucky, not even a hair on your head was harmed.

Things only went downhill from there.

The getaway vehicle you had parked in the forest refused to start again. It didn’t matter what Bucky did, the vehicle refused to start up. On top of that, it was freezing in the vehicle. Almost as cold as it was outside, without the wind, of course.

If your shivering was anything to go by, Bucky knew you both couldn’t stay there. On his GPS, the safe house wasn’t far away. The supersoldier could make it on foot no problem. He just wasn’t so sure about you.

Internally, his thoughts were running rampant. On the outside, he looked as calm and collected as usual.

“We shouldn’t stay here. Do you think you can walk to the safe house?”

You bit your lip. “Sure.”

Bucky didn’t trust the tone of your voice whatsoever, but he didn’t let it show. He had to get you to warmth before he lost you.

You both exited the useless vehicle, and trudged your way towards the cabin.

It didn’t take long for your hands to start shaking, and your steps to begin faltering. You had to stay strong, though. You couldn’t face the embarrassment of failure in front of a teammate that you swore hated your guts.

The feeling in your face as well as your feet had long since vanished. Your fingers hadn’t had feeling since you reached the vehicle. These were not good signs, but you resigned to deal with it since the cabin was coming into your view.

Bucky noticed you lagging behind before you did. His heart raced, wanting to pick you up and bolt to the cabin where he could get you warm. He knew, however, that you would not like that notion. You’d probably smite him if he dared lay a finger on you. You liked your space, hating when people invaded it. Because although you were kind, you too had boundaries. Physical touch just happened to be yours.

It wasn’t until you tripped and fell into the snow that he decided, “screw that” and picked you up from the ground. You were trembling so hard, as cold as ice and it fucking scared him.

You let out a small noise of protest as he gathered you in his arms and began to run to the cabin. You could do it yourself. You just needed a little rest, that’s all.

Bucky slammed the door to the cabin open and slammed it shut before running to set you on the ground. He took off your soaked jacket and boots. You gently pushed him away, not really able to put any force behind it. “I can do it myself,” you muttered indignantly.

Whilst Bucky usually loved your sense of independence, it only served to frustrate him. He pouted with his signature grumpy face, arms crossed and all. He watched you peel off your drenched socks. Your fingers were still trembling.

He just wanted to help. You turned to go to one of the rooms, hoping to find a new pair of pants that weren’t wet.

You overestimated your ability to walk. Tripping over nothing probably had to be the most embarrassing thing you had ever done in front of Barnes. He didn’t hesitate to catch you. In Bucky’s arms you wanted nothing more than to melt into a puddle of shame.

Bucky muttered something to himself as he carried you to the nearest room. He set you on the ottoman in front of the bed before going to ruffle through the closet. He found some clothes for you to wear.

He turned around to give them to you, so you could change yourself. When he saw you falling asleep, he dashed to your side. You couldn’t fall asleep on him now. “C’mon, wake up,” he muttered, not a trace of worry evident in either his tone or on his face. He was determined to keep calm in front of you. Freaking out would do no good.

You blearily opened your eyes. It was so cold. Why were you so cold? You were in the warmth now. You should be fine.

“I’m gonna change your clothes now, okay? Is that alright?” Bucky asked. He didn’t want to do anything without your consent, but if worse came to worse, he would have to. He just needed to stabilise you before things got any worse. You just groaned in response. Cursing under his breath, Bucky dutifully peeled off your pants and dressed you in the sweats he had found. He left your shirt on, since it wasn’t affected by the snow. He didn’t want to do anything more. Not without your consent.

In your state of delirium, you barely noticed that he had picked you up and carried you to bed. You barely noticed the way he took care to wrap you in multiple blankets.

When you woke up, you were incredibly warm. You were also practically trapped in a cocoon of blankets. Groaning, you unwrapped yourself from the layers upon layers of blankets.

You tiptoed your way into the hallway. Looking around, you didn’t see Barnes anywhere.

You furrowed your brows when you heard a muffled sound coming from the bedroom down the hall.

You creeped to the door and pressed your ear against it. You could hear ragged breaths and choked sobs coming from behind the door. It had to be Bucky. No one else would be out here. However, you’d never seen him cry. He always was so strong given what he’d been through. He was resilient. So what could have prompted his tears? Did he have a nightmare? You knew from Steve that he was struggling with them. Your hand hesitated at the door handle. How you longed to go in there and comfort him, to wrap him in your arms and tell him he was safe now. But you knew he was a private person. He hated it when people saw him vulnerable, and you didn’t blame him.

All it took to break your hesitance was a sob.

Bucky had a hard time keeping everything in. He didn’t mean to let it out, but god he couldn’t help it. Seeing you look so pale and weak, your ice cold skin and shivering body… it reminded him of Steve. Little Steve back when they were kids. He thought Steve was going to die that cold January night. Bucky had stayed with him the whole night, praying to anyone that would listen to not take away his best friend.

It was like history was repeating itself and just the thought of you dying tore him to shreds. Now, Bucky didn’t believe in any god, not after all he went through with Hydra, but you bet your ass he had prayed. He didn’t get too far before his emotions caught up with him, hitting him head on like a bus.

That led him to the moment where you burst through the door. Your concerned features swept Bucky’s distraught figure. He was in the corner of the room, curled up into a ball. He didn’t even notice you, too busy trying to get air into his lungs.

Your heart tore at the sight of him so broken. You gently moved up beside him and kneeled just a few feet away. “Bucky?”

His red, watery eyes looked up at you like you were a ghost. Those eyes widened as he scrambled to make himself look like less of a mess. He sniffled back his tears and ran his hands over his eyes. Red creeped onto the tips of his ears and the back of his neck, completely ashamed you were seeing him like this.

His body froze when you wordlessly wrapped your arms around his body. He wanted to cry all over again. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had held him as if he were something precious. It took him a few seconds before he returned the gesture, hesitant to touch you. He could hurt you… or what if this was all just a figment of his imagination. Bucky didn’t want your tender hold to disappear.

You both stayed wrapped in each other’s arms for the rest of the night. Not a word needed to be said between you both. In your silence was a mutual agreement. An agreement that no one had to know about Bucky’s meltdown. An agreement that you wouldn’t ask questions. An agreement that this is what both of you needed. Some comfort.

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ystrike1 · 3 months

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To You Who Swallowed A Star - By ARI (8.5/10)

Being beautiful and special is great, but it's not enough. You need to work hard too, and establishing healthy boundaries is extra hard when you have to deal with controlling relatives. Our underdog protagonist is actually a modern princess, and the actual underdog is some random scruffy boy she takes in out of pity. It's toxic. It's wrong. The main couple only gets their happy end after alot of pain, gain and growth.

***Immediate warning here. Do not read this series if grooming is an issue for you at all. There is a five year age gap with the main couple. It is unavoidable. It is pretty bad. The older party takes responsibility, and she distances herself when she notices the relationship in question is getting toxic. "I didn’t groom him on purpose!!!!" is not an excuse in any way, and nothing remotely sensual happens in this webtoon between characters that are not legal adults.***

It begins with a messy divorce. A rich mommas boy starts to abuse his aging wife, even though there's a young daughter in the mix. The wife decides to step up and be a mom. She grows a backbone, and she leaves her sparkling mansion behind in the middle of the night with her only child. She vows to forgot all frivolity. She'll never marry again. She will support herself and her daughter will learn to do the same.

Romance and money are not to be trusted.

Jiu learns this lesson very early in life.

Her mother (left) reached out to a wealthy friend after she ran from her husband. Said friend is a CEO (right), who agreed to support her downtrodden friend and her daughter until they had enough money to live. This led to a strange cohabitation situation. Two women living together with their two children, who were automatically raised like siblings.

Rin is Jiu's best and only friend, and her first crush. Frankly, she's doomed. He's handsome, nice and he cares for her.

His jealous streak is his only issue.

He steals her things when she shows interest in hobbies that aren't him. Jiu kind of becomes a doormat. Her mother is a strict force in her life. Her mother wants her to be a career woman first. Everything else is secondary. Rin is her only solace, and he really doesn't seem all that bad.

He just gets jealous sometimes.

Jiu meets Hajun and Hayul after she moves out of Rin's mansion. Her mother makes her live in a tiny studio apartment, while she runs an unsuccessful restaurant business day and night. Jiu thinks it's a little unfair. Auntie and Rin are totally willing to take care of them!!!Auntie doesn't have a lot of real friends as a female CEO, and Rin misses her! He was used to seeing her every day!!! Boohoo!

Rin starts to resort to childish tactics, to force Jiu to pay attention to him. Now that he doesn't have access to her all the time he's frustrated. He does weird things to make her come when called.

Like a dog.

Jiu doesn't notice how weird Rin is.

You see, she meets two children. Yes, Hayul and Hajun are children. She is sixteen. They're not in high school. Hayul, the girl, gets extremely attached to her when she is shown a single scrap of kindness. Jiu gets suspicious and sadly she is right. The twins are both horribly neglected...and they live right near her apartment. Jiu makes rice for them, because nobody ever helped her when her father was beating her mother in that awful mansion. Hayul is 10 and Hajun is 11. It's a very tense situation. Jiu is actually injured by their abuser at one point. The grandmother in charge of caring for the twins is absent-minded, and she refuses to see that her son is a piece of trash.

Jiu....gets dragged in. It's too similar. It hurts. Her rich and powerful grandmother enabled her father. He was never punished for beating her mother, or neglecting his child.

Her.

Jiu continues to step in, until she's basically their mother at 16.

She even attends Hajun's high school entrance ceremony. She wants to give them what she didn’t have.

Things seem to be going great. Bomi the bully character becomes Jiu's first real female best friend. Bomi is realistic and grounded. She thinks Jiu's kind heart comes from a dark past. It's weird to watch a teenager care for a pair of preteens (especially when they're not related). As soon as Jiu turns eighteen Bomi tries to set boundaries. She starts calling Hayul amd Hajun "the high school students". She's not trying to be cruel. She just needs Jiu to focus, because they're business partners. Jiu and Bomi both want to be fashion designers. It's a crazy competitive field and nepotism is nuts in Korea. Jiu can't baby two teenagers at the same time.

Bomi really respects her and her kindness, but then Hayul and Hajun start demanding more of her time.

Time she should be spending on her portfolio, because she needs to get into a good college.

Oh yeah Rin is in the background too plotting to make her a happy stay at home housewife.

She's in love with him.

They start dating.

Bomi was a gentle warning.

Rin is a real reality check. He's not a friend. He's a boyfriend. He expects more of her time and love. He tells her to choose. The clingy twins or him? Her handsome and rich childhood crush. The choice seems so obvious.

Jiu throws herself into her "Newtube" fashion video hobby to distract herself from that hard choice.

Rin is the perfect boyfriend. He supports her career decision (as long as it ends in marriage with him). He likes her friends (as long as they're not male). He calls her beautiful and perfect and he doesn't think of her as lesser. Actually he thinks she's special. Not Like Other Girls, in fact. He treats her as such. He stops playing around with women as soon as she says yes, and he doesn’t falter.

(Would you really be comfortable dating a guy that treats women like greedy s****? Even if he treats you "differently"? It's a very hard question, and this webtoon asks it. Jiu even befriends a women who likes Rin, because she doesn't actually like Rin. Just his money. The woman warns Jiu. If she's looking for real love Rin's not the right guy, because he's just another demanding rich boy under his looks. Jiu doesn't listen.)

They stay a couple for a while, while Hajun learns what jealousy feels like.

Hajun puts on some makeup, and suddenly he's got the chance to be somebody. Jiu does his makeup for her channel, and it blows up. A company emails him.

They want him to appear on a rookie idol show.

Hajun initially isn't interested. Jiu pushes him. She wants him to be more independent. He has to find a dream. He can't just eat her rice forever. She's got a boyfriend. He can't be her priority forever. Jiu even gets a part time job so she can secretly pay for his singing lessons. She lies and says the studio is doing it.

She paves the path to his success. It kinda feels like she's trying to get rid of him sometimes. She wants to fix the damage she caused by spoiling him.

Hajun starts at rock bottom. He's got NO chance with his crush. First things first he's a teenager and she's in her twenties at this point.....but also....

Hajun has nothing but his pretty face.

He offers to work for Jiu's fashion company when it opens up, but that's just an excuse to cling to her, so she rejects him.

She's setting boundaries, because Bomi and her boyfriend are influencing her.

Hajun, at least, wants to become someone she is proud of. He can't sing. He can't dance, but he goes to every single lesson. He becomes a star because he never stops. He hates Rin. He hates himself for comparing himself to Rin. A rich boy with everything he wasn't born with...

He works himself to the bone, to escape from those feelings.

He gets there.

He wins the rookie idol talent show. He wins a huge cash prize. He can buy an apartment for his little sister, and that's only the beginning.

The spell breaks for Jiu.

She breaks up with Rin, when a concerned friend sends her a message. You see, Fashion College is expensive. Rin's mom was going to pay for it. Rin went behind her back to convince his mom to rescind her generous offer, so Rin could easily coerce Jiu into marriage.

Jiu completely snaps, and she notices how wrong her relationship with Hayul and Hajun is too. Especially when it comes to Hajun. Hayul is just obsessed because she never had a mom. Hajun....loves her. Or he admires her to an unhealthy extent. She notices that the boy she's been coddling like a princess is actually about to become a grown man.

She crushes his heart.

She berates him.

She insults him, and she runs away.

All because she wants him to pursue his own success. That's 100000x more important than clinging to her.

She knows it's the right thing to do.

The truth has so many awful layers.

Hajun ruined her relationship with Rin. He was always there. He interrupted their dates. He showed up at her house constantly during the idol show shooting. He actually got caught in a scandal, when he visited her in the middle of the night just to eat chicken. He was a negative force in her life, and she didn’t even notice because they get along so well. A good relationship can be a bad one if it ruins other parts of your life.

Hajun has been texting her daily for years. That made Rin uncomfortable, and it's partly why Rin became more demanding about marriage. He used Hajun's strange behavior to manipulate her.

It's all a mess!!!!

She decides to go to her grandmother.

Her grandmother says she can have a tuition loan, as long as she agrees to give it back. Also she must date a man the family approves of.

Jiu agrees. She was a princess all along. There's no use denying it because of the abuse she experienced. She accepts the terms to escape from both Rin and Hajun.

They both come back with a vengeance.

There's a five year time skip.

Jiu successfully cut Hajun out of her life....but not Hayul. Hayul is just needy. Her feelings were never romantic, so Jiu stayed in contact with her.

That was a huge mistake.

Hayul uses Jiu's precarious financial situation against her. Yup. Hajun is a rich idol now. Hayul says they have sooooo many extra rooms. Jiu has to pay her grandmother back. Her other choice is living in a moldy slum, so she says yes.

Hajun hides his love for her, so she won't leave him again.

They start living together, like a family, again.

Rin uses his status as a Rich Boy to get on the Eligible Bachelor list Jiu's horrible grandmother is cooking up. He makes said hag believe he's already dating Jiu, and then an arc of horror begins. Jiu is just trying to open her clothing store, but everywhere she turns there is yet another toxic relationship.

Hajun becomes bearable.

Rin does not.

Remember the grooming thing?????? Yeah. That.

Rin tries to use that to force her to marry him.

Yeah.

Jiu funded the beginning of Hajun's idol career, and he even lived with her for a while. I'm not kidding Rin actually considered releasing grooming accusation articles with pictures to the press.

Jiu tells him she will never love him.

He gives up finally because Jiu doesn't care if her life is ruined. She will never trust the man who tried to tear her career away from her.

Hajun wins her heart by being reasonably nice through all the weirdness. He is jealous of other men, but he never tells Jiu to shut up and stay in the kitchen.

Hajun lightens up a little, but you never forget that he's a bit loopy. Only loving one woman is rare enough...but the woman that was also your mom and financial backer????? Yikes. I'm very glad they waited 3 more years to get married, after they became a more normal couple.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #webtoon #To You Who Swallowed A Star

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theaceace · 5 months

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I'm still thinking about this and people seem to like it so here's some more thoughts, also this is getting its own post now as a follow up to this

Dream is the prince of stories and so he knows already how this story is going to end. How it always ends.

He was there, after all, the first time it was lived, the first time it was told, and heard, and sung, and wept over, and dreamt of. And not only that, but he knows every variation - and there have been so many of them over the years. So many twists and turns that have been dreamt of - so many of them by over a thousand people, until all of them were as true as each other from the beginning to the end. The stories are contradictory, but that doesn't matter. They can all be true nonetheless, and not even Dream knows now which was the original.

(He could know. It would be so easy to know. It must be there within the library - within him - gathering dust. He didn't look, even when he could. He chose not to)

There are worlds in which Orpheus looks back in doubt, in which he is afraid that he has been tricked and his love is still deep in Hades. There are versions that have him unable to bear Eurydice's cries, her wails of anguish, and he turns to comfort her even knowing that it will be their doom. There are tales that have him reach the living world, and in his exultation turn to help Eurydice a moment too soon. There are poems in which he looks back believing he is saving them, and songs in which he knows he is dooming them.

Dream wonders, as he follows silently behind Hob, which version this shall be. Just when his old, old friend will succumb to the tale, as he inevitably must. Will they make it as far as the door - will Dream be afforded a glimpse of sunlight, after a century of the dark? Will he see beyond Hob, for that single moment as he turns in the doorway, see out to the Waking, or to his own realm?

Or will Hob surrender before then? He has made it much further than so many of the others, his back straight and his steps sure. He had marched so confidently from the basement that Dream might have been able to overlook the way his hands trembled. The Dreaming will not make it easy - and Dream has not the power to control it while he is still bound within the narrative. The path through the house is clear, but it is long and circuitous - far more so than its Waking counterpart. Hob does not falter at each twist and turn, but Dream knows there will be other tricks and traps.

(Hob hears voices calling from the other room. He hears Eleanor, hears Robyn, hears the voices of all those he has loved and lost in his long life. They cry out to him, beg him to bring them back too, ask him why he didn't ask the Dream Lord for them to be returned to life. You could have asked for anything - why didn't you ask for me?

Because you're gone. Because I loved you and lost you and mourned you and still I chose to live without you! He doesn't call back. Because my friend is the only person I have never had to lose or leave behind! The voices stop eventually, and the house is silent once more but for a single set of footsteps)

(Once, he hears Dream's voice, begging him to turn and look, please, won't Hob look at him? And Hob only scoffs, because even bound naked and caged for over a century, his friend had not begged for Hob's help. He can't imagine his arrogant old stranger ever begging for anything at all. And so, the house falls silent)

Dream had never thought overmuch about the path Eurydice walked as she followed his son from the depths of Hades. Had she wanted to leave that place, as Dream does? Had she felt some piece of herself returning with each dogged step, or had she followed because the gods willed it, and so she obeyed? She had dreamt often of Orpheus, of their life together - she must have loved him then, while she still lived. Had she loved him then, when he came to fetch her, though she was but a cold shade of herself? (She must have, she must have, she must have, Dream thinks, staring at Hob's back. How could she not, when he was the first warmth she had known in that place?)

Had she known? As they climbed, and she stared at her lover (Dream's son) had she known then that it was futile? Had it mattered to her, or had she been content knowing that Orpheus loved her enough to defy the underworld? Had she watched his back as they walked, and known that the next time she saw his face would be the last? She must have forgiven him, of that Dream is sure. She must have understood.

(Dream has already forgiven Hob for his failure. He knows not when it will come, only that it must, and he isn't angry. This story is as much a part of him as any other - how could he resent Hob for playing his part in it so beautifully?)

Dream has never regretted, before, his reticence when Eurydice still lived. He thinks of his son and the mortal girl he had loved, staring at his dear friend's back, and is unsurprised to find himself crying.

Once, as they draw close to the end, he sees Alexander Burgess watching them from behind a half-closed door. He doesn't know if Hob sees him, doesn't know if his steps are unfaltering through sheer force of will. Alexander watches, his facade flickering between that of an old man, the timid thing that had shot Jessamy at the heart of Dream's prison, and the quaking child that had first followed his father through to the basement of the Dreaming house. Dream cannot harm him, of course. As a young man he had asked for safety, and so safety he would have until he left this place, after spending years glancing back like a hunted animal. Even if there should come a time that Dream is freed, he will not break that vow, and Alex will remain as trapped by his cowardice as he ever was.

But - oh. There it is. The door - he had been distracted, and by the time he looks forward again, they have reached it. Hob reaches for the handle, and still he hasn't looked back. He pulls the door open, and still he hasn't looked back. He steps out, into weak morning sunlight, and still he hasn't looked back. He stands, unmoving apart from the way his clenched fists shake, and still he hasn't looked back.

Dream stands, frozen, in the shadows of the doorway, staring out over the threshold. At the light, at the freedom, so very close. A few steps, nothing more. He doesn't understand - this is never how the story goes. All the dreamers that tried to bend it to their will (the idiots that had given it a happy ending) and inevitably it had returned to its true form, over and over. This isn't... He doesn't...

His throat works, his jaw moves, his voice is thick.

"Hob?" He doesn't understand, he doesn't -

And Hob -

End title

#Dreamling #dream of the endless #hob gadling #Sandman #not exactly a writing tag #Ficlet #Apologies to folks that saw this as a reblog earlier I've decided it deserves its own post

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kerubimcrepin · 22 days

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Liveblog - Dofus, livre 1 : Julith [PART 23]

I think after this it's kinda natural that Joris will never ever put his trust into anyone that isn't Kerubim or Atcham ever again.

I am once again asking why Kerubim has these books and what was he doing at devil's sacrament.

He's never beating those necromancy allegations.

There's a canonical name for the evil-ass looking huppermages.

youtube

Once again, this is Them in Dofus 2 when they reveal to Joris that they framed Julith or something. (source: my beautiful mind)

The Dessous comic implies that Marline bought this stuff from Kerubim which is so funny. It's beautiful how little of a shit the man gives for the safety of others.

I may not like Khan in his present form, as a macho gobbowler, but I like the idea of him. Joris, and his little "ghnhnn I have to do what's right, I have sacrifice my happinesss for other people" complex needs someone like that in his life who will buy him alcohol and help him run away from home when he's 14-16.

I'm sure if given another movie, or a show, Ankama's plan would have been to make Khan more likeable. He seems like a ride-or-die friend.

A scene ago he was in Julith's arms. So, she found it important to get him into the arms of this dofus-powered doll. Personally, I like to think that he started thrashing and maybe even bit her.

What did she lie about though? Liking him? Not wanting the Dofus? Being a competent person and not a fuck-up? (I love Bakara and say all of this with affection)

Once again, I empathize, that Julith was gloating about this to Bakara. That she doesn't really care about Joris (and by extension, Joris's feelings.)

She is killing a thousand people, who did nothing to her. These are civilians who came to watch a sports match. How many mothers are here with their sons and daughters who just wanted to look at their idols? If Joris never had Grougalorasalar's soul, if he and Kerubim never learned of her plan, THEY would have been among these viewers.

Julith is a very interesting character because she's ruthless, she has no morals, absolutely no understanding or compassion for others, — even Bakara or her own son, — and yet she is driven by love almost entirely. And that's her one redeeming quality.

But also — does it really change things, when you're driven by love to kill a thousand innocent people? To ruin your son's life? Because it doesn't really change much, to me...

I think there's a tragedy in that. She does love the idea of Joris. She loves what she sees of him, his voice, his face, and eyes. If she learned more about him, she'd probably love the parts he didn't show too. She'd love to see how he grew up.

She'd love how committed he is to those he loves. She'd love his ruthless march towards what he thinks is right that will allow him to close his eyes as he does unforgivable things. The only thing she would dislike is his loyalty to Bonta.

But the reverse will never be true. Joris can become a warmonger, a dictator, and a war criminal, but he would loathe to place his needs above those of others. He wouldn't do horrible things if he didn't think it was for the greater good of mankind.

As a 600yo man, Joris has lived through two apocalypses, — and yet people like Nox and Julith will lose 1-4 loved ones and go insane, killing people. I doubt he feels much for her, except for disgust.

Their friendship is so important to me. But also, somewhere out there, Tatak is crying.

I think one of the great tragedies of Joris's character is that he is doomed to break his own moral code, slowly but surely.

One must imagine Joris Jurgen living happily with the blood of innocents on his hands, because the alternative is more haunting.

One of her main issues is that she projects the actions of a few onto literally everyone in Bonta. Which is a very crazy fucking reach.

But I understand how she arrived at this reach to begin with: I don't think she was ever happy, before Jahash, and when she finally was happy, for once in her entire life, they took even that away from her.

You wanna know who else in this scene is going to have only 2 people who give meaning to his life? Jo—— [I am forcefully restrained by the police]

I just really like pointing out the similarities between Joris and Julith, — and the way these similarities underline their differences.

Once again: she doesn't give a shit about anyone's opinion. She is betting everything onto a nebulous future where Joris and Jahash and Bakara forgive and forget everything she did, and they live as a happy Fambly (in Brakmar, because that's a GOOD city and they will LOVE to move there, after being no longer welcome in Bonta due to the 1000 dead people.)

(Guy whose very emotional and Julith and Joris voice) guys I think she's starting to realize that their familial relationship is going to be unfixable.

Joris and everyone present here are quite aware that stopping this will kill one of them.

They are also very aware that one dead person is better than a thousand.

#ro liveblogs dofus #dofus #wakfu #krosmoz #dofusmovie #joris jurgen #Youtube

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antianakin · 2 months

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@theneutralmime

I'm very definitively positive on clone/Jedi relationships, both platonic and romantic.

I'm going to hit the biologically children thing first because like... no, they're not. If you want to go that route, then you have to count Grogu as a middle aged adult because he's 50 years old even though his official name for a while was literally "The Child" and he's definitely treated like a child in the narrative more often than he isn't. Jango Fett was (as far as I'm aware) a regular human. The clones, the altered ones at least (so not Omega or Boba), are almost an entirely different species. They LOOK human, but they've been engineered to be different from the baseline human they were based off of to the point that they aren't necessarily all that similar to a regular human beyond cosmetics. So if you don't view them as "fucked up humans who should be treated like children because they're technically only 10 years old" and instead view them as "subspecies of human that reaches maturity around 9 years old", then it's a lot harder to view them as children.

I think that it's fair to claim that the clones are SHELTERED and likely fairly ignorant and naive about a lot of things in the world due to their upbringing, sure, but that doesn't make them children. They're also relatively young regardless of whether you'd consider them children or not, the youngest ones we know about are sent out to war at what would be the equivalent of about 20 years old and they're only around 26ish by the time the war ENDS. So even accounting for the accelerated aging, they're still pretty young and there's going to be a lot about the galaxy and how to live in it that would be new to them. Their understanding of how relationships work is going to be skewed given everything we know about their childhoods and the way the Kaminoans canonically seem to view them.

So I think that the Jedi and clones would likely often end up in a sort of mentor/mentee relationship, especially in the beginning. We see this most strongly with Yoda and the three Coruscant Guard characters and Plo Koon with the three 104th characters in the first four episodes of season 1, as well as with Shaak Ti and Fives and Echo during the Clone Cadets episode of season 3. The Jedi are natural teachers and I think they'd start to get to know these young men who are so devastatingly intelligent but who were only ever taught about how to fight a war and they'd immediately take the opportunity to help guide the clones towards figuring out who they are and who they want to be. We're pretty much told that this is true point blank when I believe it's Nala Se or Lama Su speaks to Dooku during season 6 and they say that the Jedi have been encouraging individuality in the clones. Fives says that the Jedi respect the clones and calls the Jedi their best friends at two separate points in the narrative. The Jedi literally use their OWN PHILOSOPHIES to help the clones learn what it means to be PEOPLE and to embrace that for themselves.

The relationship between the Jedi and the clones is honestly one of the most beautiful and heartwrenching dynamics in the entirety of Star Wars to me. Their destinies are entwined irrevocably and they are each the others' doom and salvation all at once. The Jedi help the clones discover who they are, but they're also going to end up being the reason the clones lose all sense of themselves. The clones are a light in the dark for the Jedi during the war, but they're also going to be the weapon that helps plunge the entire world into darkness by eliminating the Jedi. These two groups that are SO similar in so many ways but for vastly different reasons who are thrown together by forces beyond either of their control and learn to understand each other better than anyone else ever has and love and trust each other implicitly for it and that love and trust is then used to destroy them both. It's absolutely devastating and really gets me in those feels.

As far as romantic ships, I sort-of said my piece on the age thing earlier, but I honestly find that fussing about characters' ages in Star Wars is more ridiculous than it usually is. These characters are literally ALIENS and it's a universe where human characters who are twelve years old are allowed to hold office. I have my personal preferences in terms of clone/Jedi ships, but I am a very ship and let ship sort of person (yes, even with the ships I DESPISE), so I'm not going to make a big deal out of clone/Jedi ships. I also like clone/clone ships which tons of people find problematic for other reasons, so whatever.

I HAVE seen the superior/subordinate thing get addressed in clone/Jedi fics before. Sometimes it ends in the characters deciding to wait until after the war and when the clones are given rights and official citizenship status or something before they begin a romantic relationship, and sometimes it ends in the characters recognizing that a lot of the rules shouldn't really matter when they're at war and they could die literally any day and they deserve to find happiness and pleasure where they can find it so long as they work to ensure that this doesn't impact their respective responsibilities. Again though, this is a space fantasy and absolutely nobody on the writing staff for The Clone Wars was taking the structure and internal dynamics of this fantasy military particularly seriously, so I'm not sure why I or anyone else should have to if they don't want to.

So yeah, I love relationships between the clones and Jedi, it's probably my favorite dynamic in the whole franchise, regardless of whether it's platonic or romantic.

#star wars #jedi #pro jedi #clone troopers #clones

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thoughtssvt · 6 months

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the stillness of peace

ʚSPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 120ɞ

synopsis : a HaiNana reunion in the afterlife

wc : 2646

It wasn’t as silent and empty as Kento thought it would be and even though he was alone he didn’t really feel lonely. Though, he’s not sure what he was expecting, exactly. What the afterlife would be like. He never really knew if he believed what Gojo or Yaga chanted like a mantra. Whether or not you would truly die alone despite all the people that surrounded you in life or if there wasn’t a single person that died without regret. At this point in time… he was feeling pretty good despite facing the unknown.

One thing he didn’t expect was the warmth. The way the sun would heat his skin enough for him to sigh in content, a comforting contrast from the cold that kissed his skin as the blood drained from his body during his last moments. How good it would feel to crane his neck up to the clear blue sky, letting the light seep through his closed eyelids as he listened to the waves crash in the distance, rippling to nip at his ankles before retreating back to the sea. His eyes fell to his bare feet, watching himself sink into the sand as the ocean beckoned him to come closer.

“Oh, Nanami!” A bright voice called out to him in surprise. It overflowed with happiness– youth– and for a split second a breath caught in Kento’s throat, his chest filling with panic at the thought of Itadori following him too soon. He whipped around, the breeze snaking through the slack in his uncharacteristic vacation polo, wrapping around him like a warm hug. The embodiment of comfort massaging at his scalp as his bangs tickled his cheeks.

He was met with big, brown eyes glowing like embers in the sun’s rays.

It made him breathless, somehow feeling a dull thud in his chest despite his flatlined heart.

“Haibara…” It came from his lips like a sigh, the name slipping off his tongue like he needed it to breathe.

A soft ‘wah’ accompanied a gummy smile. “You really grew up!” Haibara cooed, his eyes scanning Nanami’s body, amazed by the width of Kento’s shoulders and the extra centimeters he’d gained in the last few years of adolescence he never got to see. Yu’s laughter filled his ears like fragile popping bubbles as he teased Kento about how weird it was to see him in such an obnoxiously loud shirt and how he always thought that Nanami’s hair would look better parted on the other side, especially with shorter bangs. A comment on how handsome Nanami grew up to be falling on distracted ears.

He hadn’t aged a day, Nanami couldn’t help but notice. Haibara’s dark strands were still as messy and unkempt as they were the last time he’d seen him, every single smile line around his eyes in the exact same place.

“You’re still wearing that old thing?” Kento couldn’t stop himself from interrupting, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He reached to pinch at the black fabric of Haibara’s school uniform.

“I wanted you to recognize me when we finally met again,” Yu smiled teasingly as he watched Nanami rub the cloth between the pads of his fingers.

“Like I could forget,” he whispered, words laced with a fond sort of sadness. He spent every day for the past twelve years thinking about Haibara, treating him like he was the rising sun every single morning.

Nanami’s arm fell limp at his side as he truly took in the boy in front of him. It was so nostalgic that Kento couldn’t completely believe that he did enough good while he was living to earn something so wonderful in the afterlife. His tongue darted against his bottom lip as he searched for the right words to say, the words he’d rehearsed over and over again in his head as he watched Geto drape a light cloth over Haibara’s lifeless body. He wanted to say he was sorry. That he wished they could’ve grown up together. He wanted to tell him that he was angry. How he lived every day wondering if Yu was doomed from the very beginning, how he concluded that he must’ve been because the world was too dirty and rotten for a pure soul like Yu’s to thrive. He wanted to tell him all of that, but the words died on his tongue, the only thing filling his thoughts were the words he never got to say, ‘I love–’.

“Those must be heavy, huh?” Haibara hummed, staring at the brown satchel that hung heavy on Kento’s shoulder.

Ashen brows furrowed as he realized its presence, heaving it into his hands before his expression softened. It was filled to the brim with books that had collected dust on the countless shelves in his apartment, novels he wasted money on with the empty promise that he’d read them once he escaped sorcerer life.

That’s right.

This wasn’t a place where he had to worry anymore. He didn’t need to carry the burden of the curses that used to haunt him.

He’d realized then that he’d seen this place before. In a magazine he picked up out of boredom at the supermarket while he waited for the old woman in front of him to fish out exact change from her coin purse. He bought it because of one single page. A full spread where giant rocks peeked above clear water and a forest full of green blended into the horizon. The perfect retirement spot where he’d build a house and settle down.

“I don’t suppose I have a property here, do I?”

Haibara smiled from ear to ear, his arms spreading in a dramatic display, “Welcome to your front yard!” And there was that bubbly laugh again. It reminded Kento of those sticky summer nights when it was too hot to fall asleep. He glared at the ceiling, his eyes straining in the dark to see… something… anything. He’d tried so desperately to remember Yu’s smile then. The way his eyes creased and his nose scrunched. Years ago he’d already forgotten what Haibara smelled like. It didn’t come to his nose out of the blue anymore, understandably. The nose was weak to memory. A few years after that, on a similar muggy night, he'd realized he'd forgotten the tone of his laugh. The way it'd ring in his ears like bells on Christmas morning. Once he became aware of what he’d lost he tried so desperately to burn his best friend’s smile into every wrinkle of his brain. Now it was right in front of him.

“You can grumble to your subconscious if it’s not to your liking,” Yu teased, nudging his thumb to the house off in the distance behind him.

Nanami wasn’t sure if this was exactly what he had in mind. A one story, open concept with a rust colored roof. He never truly envisioned being here, the thought passing through his mind like deciding what color socks to wear on any given day.

The wood felt nice against the soles of his bare feet as they walked up a short flight of stairs to end up right in the middle of the living room, the walls few but plenty as they were adorned floor to ceiling with packed shelves.

“You weren’t too lonely, were you?” Kento grunted softly as he watched Yu plop onto the couch with the same heft as his bag.

“I had my own paradise, you know? I was actually hoping that you wouldn’t kick the bucket this early, but I guess with our line of work ten years is plenty,” Yu snorted, replying absentmindedly before his eyes widened, wiggling his eyebrows at the taller man when he’d noticed that most of the titles were of the romance genre.

“And you decided to come here?” It came out habitually like all the times he’d scolded Itadori. He took a seat beside him, melting into the sofa. The first time in a long, long time he let himself truly relax.

“It wasn’t really planned. Well, it was.” Haibara hummed thoughtfully, shifting until he found a comfortable position. “I decided I wanted to take a trip, see the world… and I ended up here,” he shrugged, tossing a book onto Kento’s stomach as he cracked one open for himself.

“Coincidentally in my paradise?” Nanami nudged his elbow into Haibara’s side, repeating the term he’d used to describe this realm.

“Coincidentally,” Yu agreed with a chiming laugh. “Now let’s get to reading, there’s even more in the study.” He motioned to some unknown area of the house. “Lucky that all your paychecks didn’t go to waste since all your possessions just follow you, huh?” Nanami snorted at that. He’d long since acknowledged that money was his main drive. His focus so tunneled on making enough money so he could run away from sorcery life that he’d forgotten the end goal. He didn’t realize how much he’d actually spent on books he promised himself to read when he retired, a huff leaving his nose with the realization that this collection contributed to the paychecks that always managed to fall short. Now, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

He sucked in a deep breath as he listened to the soft creak of the hardcover he was peeling open, his shoulders slumping as he immersed himself into the fantasy on the page. They sat in silence, soft breaths falling into a syncopated rhythm with crisp page turns. The sun set slowly in front of them, casting an orange light against their faces before Haibara heaved himself up out of his comfortable position to flick on a few lights, settling down much closer to Kento when he returned.

When he was alive Nanami never had the time to read as much as he wanted. Truthfully, it was a bit tiring reading for pleasure, especially when he’d been in the same position long enough for the moonlight to seep in, his eyes now straining in a darkness that was a little less lonely. He closed his book quietly, letting his head fall back against the firm cushion as he took in the foreign silence. One where he didn’t have to worry about what he had to do tomorrow or the annoying little low grade curses that would buzz around every so often. He could just… sit and get used to the stillness that came with peace. It was… odd. The closest he’d ever come to this feeling was the restless boredom that came to him on nights where he was too tired to move, but his brain was too active to sleep. It was different this time, though. There was a sense of satisfaction. Like he could sit like this for hours without his pessimism nagging in the back of his mind. He let his eyes flutter closed, accepting the calm air around them, unaware of how he drifted towards Haibara until the particles around him buzzed at the radiating disturbance.

“I didn’t expect the afterlife to be so warm,” Kento finally aired his thoughts, his book abandoned on the cushion beside him as he looked down to where their arms were just a hair’s distance away. Yu’s skin emitted a comfortable heat, his cropped blazer having been hung against the back of the couch long enough for Kento to have just noticed. Nanami turned onto his side, watching Haibara’s round eyes scan the page, the moon illuminating his soft features. He’d realized then that he could be braver than he was when he was a teenager and he couldn’t help himself from reaching out to cup Yu’s face in his hand. Tearing his friend’s attention from the book, he was momentarily uncaring of whether or not Haibara wanted to finish a paragraph before giving him his full attention.

In the reflection of dark, brown eyes came a chuckle that reverberated through his chest. One that he himself hadn’t heard since he was a teenager, it shook his ribs and tickled his throat. His paradise began to click into place. He felt overgrown bangs tickle his jaw, his cheeks growing a little fuller, skin a little less aged as he stared at the spitting image of his high school-self in Yu’s eyes. The uncomfortable school uniform now clinging to his drastically smaller form.

“I missed you.” It was confident, decisive. He leaned in close, resting his forehead against Haibara’s. “Grow up with me,” he breathed out, eyes closing softly as he envisioned his paradise being one where he could make up for lost time starting right when his youth had been taken from him.

He felt Yu’s body jump with gentle chuckles, “I sure would love to see your adult self again.”

It tugged Kento’s lips into a thin smile. “I don’t think paradise would give us enough despairs to accumulate,” He joked, tipping his hat to the motto he followed in the living world, dragging his arm down to loop it around Haibara’s waist, pulling him close so that they were back to chest.

“Considering the fact that you’re seventeen again, I think anything’s possible,” Yu hummed, drifting deeper into Nanami’s chest with a sort of natural intimacy they never had back then. Haibara’s feelings were seemingly mutual. Kento didn’t feel the need to confess anything, not right then at least.

They spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms, their chests rising in sync, even down to the way their shoulders jumped with soft fits of laughter. When Nanami was alive he believed that the world he’d lived in was dull and boring, tedious, but now he was speaking of his experiences like they were funny anecdotes you would find online.

“He actually reminds me a lot of you. So young, excited. Even the way you both say my name. I just about died again before I realized it was you calling for me earlier today. I would’ve smacked him so hard that it would’ve revived him back into the living world if he actually did end up here.” Kento chuckled fondly.

“But he’s got it, right?” For a split second Nanami’s eyes widened, Haibara taking the words straight out of his mind that he had trouble deciphering whether or not it came from his own lips.

Kento nodded his head, swallowing thickly, “He’s got it.”

“Good, that means there won’t be anyone bothering us for a long while. Maybe I could show you my paradise.” Yu turned to him with a blinding smile, smooth fingers tucking Kento’s bangs behind his ears. His heart knocked so loudly he’d almost forgotten how to breathe. It would’ve been nice to know that they were this compatible when they were both alive, the thought creeping into the back of Nanami’s mind before he waved them off in favor of taking advantage of the time they had now. He leaned in, sliding his palm against Yu’s forehead to push his choppy fringe up and out of the way. Ignoring how Yu stilled as he planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

“I didn’t take you for the jealous type,” Kento poked when he pulled away, his thumb running against Haibara’s plump cheek, massaging the muscle that was presumably exceptionally sore with all the smiling he’d done in the last few hours. The brunette tucked himself under Nanami’s chin, nuzzling into his boney chest, his confession coming out as mutually as Kento’s.

“Hey, I went a decade without you. It’s my turn to have you all to myself.”

“As long as we can get out of these god awful clothes. They have clothing stores here, right? I may be seventeen again, but I still have the fashion sense of an adult now.” Laughter filled the air, the only thing Nanami would ever allow to disturb their stillness of peace.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu nanami #nanami kento #jjk nanami #jjk #jjk haibara #haibara yu #hainana #nanami x haibara #nanahai #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk 120

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nocturn-warrior · 20 days

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Kiss of seedcake• 🌧

Lotor x f!reader

Summary: building a life with Lotor on Earth after the galras were defeated, you decide to try for a child :)

Rating: fluff, smut (breeding kink)

Notes: this is set after season 8 events, in a timeline where my boy Lotor didn't die and lives happily with u on Earth. This smut has a plot.

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy and lactation, body changes mentions, mentions racism towards Lotor, my grammar because i am not a native speaker lmao

since Sendak and his army was completely defeated thanks to Voltron and their allies. And with an extra help of the space visitors, human kind quickly rebuilt its structures, combining the advanced technologies of their new colleagues with their own. Flying vessels, space travels and colonies, complex security AI systems and media were a great leap in history.

Not surprisingly, interspecies relationships emerged among the coexistence of humans and extraterrestrials, besides it was a taboo for some people, the most conservative ones, you could easily spot a human walking and a balmeran holding hands on the streets. But as expected, racism towards the space visitors was a thing, especially towards the galra people.

Being blamed for the death of so many, even not having affiliation with Sendak’s deadly army, the purple skinned people were a target to bigotry not just coming from humans but also from other extraterrestrials. With your partner Lotor, it wasn’t different. Making public appearances together, you could feel the reproved gaze of your peers, judging the nature of your relationship as disgusting, selfish. Some showed concern, fearing Lotor could harm you in any way, while others called you an enemy, a traitor for engaging yourself to an individual of a species that slaved, tortured and killed so many in the galaxy.

As the only begotten son of emperor Zarkon, so many wanted his head for what his father caused during centuries, and for reprehensible actions of his own. You were constantly reminded of Lotor’s thirst to acquire quintessence and what he did to reach his goals, the hundreds of alteans locked in tanks he utilized as cattle to harvest the substance. The United Planets Council decided he would not receive death penitence or be locked for his crimes, but he should be exiled.

“Exiled… I am used to this condition”

It was better this way; though Lotor wanted and deserved redemption, not everyone including the paladins would accept it easily. When you established you would not abandon him, they immediately intervened reminding you of what his family caused to everyone, of what your late friend princess Allura would want. You were tired of it all. You loved Lotor and wanted to keep him safe, even if it means cutting connections with your friends. You couldn’t risk having your boyfriend stabbed from behind by a vengeful self-proclaimed punisher.

Lotor understood the gravity of his actions he didn’t even tried to defend himself. But he repined every day about how quintessence drove him mad, crazy for power, and that those moments of madness showed up as nothing but foggy memories in his mind. It broke your heart to see Lotor eager to be accepted in this new multispecies society, but being doomed by his past. Deep in his core, all he wanted was that: to be accepted and to fix everything up. Even when he was still the prince of the mighty galra empire, all he did was for a bigger purpose. He knew he took the wrong route, though.

Four years ago you moved together to your family’s old farm; only you, Lotor and the desire to begin a new life. Part of the farm, including the barn and the stable were destroyed by the attacks, but luckily the house you grew up in was intact, except for the dust and spider webs covering the rooms. Nothing you couldn’t fix up. Lotor is a quick learner, his intelligence was always something you appreciated, and with a quickly explaining of how to use house devices, he became a master at it except for the vacuum cleaner.

“How can you pilot a high technological spaceship and be defeated by a vacuum cleaner, my dear?”

You would tease him, leaning against a wall while seeing your lover struggle to clean the dust of the living room. Lotor in his endeavor would blame the device instead of admitting he was having a bad time using it. You find that silly and adorable. It took some days for your house to be properly inhabited again, with Lotor’s help, everything was easy.

He would wash clothes, cook for you – that thin waist of his looked adorable in one of your late grandmother’s apron, and a few other things. But still, he missed space and missed the adrenaline. That mind of his was always hunger for knowledge and staying so much time without absorbing anything was frustrating and tedious. Lotor in fact would not complain about it, but noticing the lack of enthusiasm in your love, you gifted him with a box of the old books you used to read while graduating; psych, biology, chemistry, and others you kept a special interest about but were not exactly linked to your graduation; history and anthropology.

Besides you were a good storyteller, talking about the myths and cultures of your species along with its advances and knowledge on science, nothing compares to touch, read and learn about something from primary fonts. As you expected, Lotor was more than happy when you handled him your collection. Some of the concepts stored in the books were at least eight years outdated, but still he could have a notion of humankind’s plurality, maybe hoping he could integrate himself into society one day.

Everything was so perfect you feared something bad would happen to spoil the moment. Your days were simple and cozy in your home, and occasionally you had to leave to buy some groceries but would come back soon.

Four years ago when the invasion occurred, families found shelter in the rural areas once the galras attacked the big urban centers first. And from this, a small agriculture and livestock centered community was born. They provided food for the cities near the reagion, and living only one or two miles away, you groceries from first hand.

In this specific day, you arrived home carrying a bag full of fresh fruits, vegetables, flour and some animal products. Lotor was sitting on the couch. He wore a grey sweater that reached the mid of his wrists and black sweatpants that barely reached his ankles, snuggling on his muscular calves. Big boy problems. His starlight hair tied into a messy bun was occasionally scratched as he concentred on the book he was reading. In fact, he was so focused on the book that didn't even notice you comming.

"Im back, love!"

You said opening the door and he slightly jumped on his seat.

"Hello, dear! I indeed didn't perceive you arriving. I was quite concentrated on this book i've been reading"

He got himself together, cleaning his throat before helping you to take the groceries to the kitchen. His gaze immediatly directed towards the sway of your hips as you walked.

"Which one is this?"

You ask, placing the bags on the table and cleaning your hands. Lotor blinks for a while, being snapped out of his beholding state:

"It is about the development of agriculture and how it's linked to the appearance of religious cults. I am quite amused by the first forms of art created by your species, dear, and how the belief in gods and deities is linked to the discovering of agriculture. It is pretty interesting how such topics that don’t seem to be linked at first sight are related.”

He continues:

“The most interesting part, my dear, is that most of these civilizations were situated in quite green and prosper lands, therefore their deities reflected in the places they inhabited. While the people that lived in arid and desert places had vengeful and warrior gods.”

He speaks with enthusiasm, smiling like you have not seen in at least four years. His lust for you was being masked with non-stop bragging about what he learned in that day. Lotor was indeed fascinated by how some ancient human civilizations valorized fertility and reproduction, but what excited him most was to put this in practice. His cock jutted against the fabric of his sweatpants when he saw those sensual statues of Venus in the pages of that book. He wanted you. He wanted to make you his own goddess of fertility.

After drying your hands on a towel, you swiftly turn to your husband, paying attention to his words. But the look on his feline eyes told you everything. The pupils were dilated, shiny like binary stars. You smirk, and when you do so, Lotor stumbles on his own words.

“I have been always fascinated with this topic too, my dear.”

You put on an innocent facade, crossing your arms and leaning your beautiful hips against the counter. Lotor’s hands twitched, urging to squeeze them as you ride his cock gracefully like the goddess you were to him. He licks his lips and smiles:

“Nothing fairer, darling. You are a goddess yourself. But do you know what is missing?”

You obliviously shake your head to his question.

“A seed to be fertilized in this womb of yours”

Just by hearing his deep sensual voice, you feel your core flutter with excitement. The galran prince approaches you, closing the space between your bodies. All you do is to let him guide you onto his arms and give yourself to this blissful heat.

His thumb traces your lowerbelly, imagining it growing as a proof of the seed he implanted in your womb. He imagines your breasts swelling, leaking the milk that will nurture your child.

Lotor sinks his hand under your hair, softly bringing you closer to him and intensifying the kiss. Your fingers travel under his sweater, tracing his divinely sculpted abs one by one. The desire of being impregnated by him only grew stronger and stronger.

He strips you down, taking off your shirt and giving your breasts good squeezes before attaching his lips to the plump sides of them, leaving soft hickeys on your skin. You pant caressing his jaw as he does it.

Then, his long fingers skim down towards your groin. He gently slids down the waistband and kneals down in front of you. Hugging your hips, Lotor attaches his mouth onto your cut, sweetly suckling your clit as you tug onto his hair, undoing the messy bun he had.

"Lotor..."

You moan sweetly, and it sounds like the chant of Earth itself, like the sounds of raindrops falling onto soil.

His skilled tongue dances around your clit. Your legs tremble and if he wasn't holding you still by your hips, you would definitly lose your balance with so much pleasure being given.

And like a water dam being open, your fluids flow into Lotor's mouth and he delights on it like honey. He moans pulling off and looking up to see your divine glory squirm in pleasure.

Standing up, Lotor holds you on his arms in bridal style, you lean in like a dandelion seed being carried by wind and he places you onto the canopy bed, the plush cushion softly sinking with your body.

Looking up at Lotor while he takes off his own clothing, you get a sight of his purple large cock deliciouspy jutting against his pants. It wiggles tantalizing when his boxers are finally down, hard and reaching his lower belly.

With your fingers you trace his abs again, they are sculpted and perfect like a statue meticulously carved in marble by the best of the sculptors. His silver bodyhair stands on ends with your touch.

Lotor gently inserts his large cock in your entrance, being enthralled by your moans. Your cunt is tight for his size, but soon it accomodates his full length.

He moans loudly and sensually twitching his hips, you reach out to squeeze his muscular butt as it recoils and releases with his thrust. Your motion seems like an extra stimulus.

"Stars. May your womb be a fertile field where i will plant my crops. You are perfect!"

He pants, the pace increasing and your bodies sweating, your pleasured noises echoing through the wood walls.

"I am going to fill you up, dear. I am going to make you a mother; i am going to make you my own fertility deity."

That was when you orgasmed.

It feels like you two were perfcetly designed for this, like your bodies were shaped by universe to create life. You bury your hand underneath Lotor's hair, his front strands are falling and tickling your face. As his pace increases, you hold it tighter and beautiful gasps leave his mouth.

"I- i am comming..."

Soon, the river flooded the land and you felt his warm seed inside your womb. Pace slowing down, Lotor remains the last frictions with his cock still in your vagine.

He pants a chuckle cleaning his sweaty forehead with his forearm. You let out a dizzy smile, reaching out to cup his cheek as your brain process the event, beholding his how graceful he looks.

Releasing his cock, Lotor gently pushes the oozing translucid liquid to inside of you again, rubbing it onto your still sensitive cunt. His ejaculation is so voluminous it feels like every inch of your tube is filled up. The alien man leans in and kisses your cheek:

"You were so great, darling... I... wow! I have no words to describe it. You will be a good mama"

His sudden use of an earthling slang makes you chuckle. How can a man be so sensually irresistible, and seconds later make your heart melt with such an adorable, silly thing? This is a Lotor ability, you guess. He messes with your mind in the better ways possible.

Cleaning up the sweat, you snuggle onto Lotor's chest while calming down your nerves after such a moment. The seed has been implanted to your womb, and Lotor couldn't wait for it to grow.

#lotor x reader #prince lotor x reader #voltron x reader #lotor fanfiction #reader insert #vld x reader #voltron fanfic #cw breeding #cw pregnancy #cw lactation #cw body image #cw racism

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ghostofskywalker · 4 months

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Hi! could you do "Do you need a hug?" with Jesse or Fives and a fem!reader for your winter ficlets, please?

hi! this went way angstier than i originally intended it to, i'm so sorry. i chose jesse, and i actually made myself cry while writing it

words: 1,087

summary: the more time you spent in the GAR, the more you came to know grief, especially when the casualties of the war were people you had grown close to. Jesse notices that you're struggling, and reaches out to help.

@clonexreaderbingo square: haunted

The Strength To Keep Going

clone troopers masterlist || request a winter ficlet

You had known when you signed up to work for the Grand Army of the Republic, that you would more than likely come to know men who would die in battle. And back when you were signing your name on that fateful piece of flimsi, you thought that you would be able to handle those types of situations with grace and poise.

You had been decidedly wrong about that assumption.

Grief was an ugly emotion, an unrelenting rain of melancholy punctured with swirling storms of rage, all tied together with a listlessness to rival that of the oldest tooka in the galaxy. And it had come to take up what felt like a permanent residence in your mind.

You didn’t want to do anything anymore, but you lived a life in which that was simply not possible. If you let go, even for a fleeting moment, too much could go wrong. Was it worth it to potentially doom the lives of those who marched on because you couldn’t pull your mind away from the faces of the fallen?

In the beginning, you suffered in silence. Tried to immortalize the names, mannerisms, and faces of the men that were lost in your mind, but soon you could feel some of those memories start to fade. You desperately hung on, cursing the greater powers (whatever they may be) for allowing such suffering to take hold in the galaxy. Every single one of these men had been your friends, and now you had to grapple with the reality that you would never see them again.

Sleep began to evade you more than usual, and you had taken to wandering the flagship during the night, nodding at the clones and other GAR workers that had chosen this shift, but you never really interacted with anyone else. Eyes bloodshot and gaze distant, you paced through the chilly halls with a blanket around your shoulders and anguish on your face.

It was one of these nights, where you had no destination in mind but walked the halls like you had some official purpose, and you hadn’t spoken to anyone in hours. Echo had been the latest casualty, and the news had felt like a vibroblade to the heart.

It had been a particularly rough loss, which was why you didn’t quite register that someone was speaking to you for a few moments. Finally, the voice that you had only been half aware of until now gave way to a gentle touch on your shoulder, and you turned to see who it was that had disturbed you.

Jesse was standing there, a concerned expression on his face. “Do you need a hug?” he asked softly. “You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

A whisper-quiet “yeah,” left your mouth, and before you knew it, you were being pulled into a sturdy embrace, the warmth of Jesse’s body seeping through both your blanket and the fabric of your GAR-issued sleepwear.

His hand reached out to find yours, and you allowed him to slowly lead you to a room a couple hallways away. Couches and chairs were the first thing you noticed, all mismatched and a little worse for wear. You had been to this lounge room a few times to grab something from the chiller, but you didn’t usually stay more than a moment or two.

“Why don’t you sit down there?” Jesse said as he gestured to one of the couches, and if you weren’t so Maker-damn tired you might have tried to argue. “What’s going on?”

“How do you keep going?” The question escaped your mouth in a voice that seemed almost accusatory, even though your intentions were far from it. But you couldn’t help it, you had spent too long watching everyone act like nothing was wrong, and you were dying to know where they stored their grief, because you knew it was somewhere.

You didn’t have to elaborate on your point, Jesse knew what you were asking, but you continued anyway. “Every day I witness more and more loss, and how does it not completely break you after a while?”

He sat down next to you, reaching out to take your hand. “I don’t know,” he said. “We’ve been told from the time we were cadets that we would likely die in service to the Republic, and I think a lot of us have internalized that by now.”

You didn’t know it was even possible, but your heart broke even more after you heard that. “Hey,” Jesse said, noticing the way tears were starting to well up in your eyes. “You’re not weak for struggling, and you have no idea how much it means to all of us that you care so much. But I know that my brothers, and especially Echo, would never want you to lose out on living because you were too wrapped up in mourning them.”

Well, that was it. The tears were coming now, whether you wanted them to or not. “I know,” you managed to breathe out, voice shaky. “But it still hurts.”

Jesse nodded, knowing that he couldn’t say anything to make your pain truly disappear, even though he wanted to. Instead, all he could do was move closer to you, gently shifting your blanket so that it was covering more of your body than it had been. Silently, you leaned into his touch, resting your head against his chest.

“General Skywalker told us about the Force one time,” Jesse said, and even though you weren’t quite sure what his point was, you listened aptly. “He said that when beings die, they become part of the world that surrounds us, and that the Jedi are able to draw some of their power from the love that those who came before us had for the galaxy.”

“Do you think he’s right?”

“Yeah,” he said. “So I guess it helps me to think about my brothers watching over the ship when I feel sad, and that they’re celebrating our victories with us. This way, no one is ever truly forgotten, you know?”

“No one is ever truly forgotten,” you repeated softly. You didn’t know if anything would ever be enough to truly lift this weight from your thoughts, but it certainly helped to shoulder some of the burden.

The two of you sat there in a comfortable silence for a little while longer, and Jesse didn’t bat an eye when you fell asleep against him. He wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, but he didn’t really mind.

- the end -

i no longer have a taglist! if you're interested in being notified when i post, you can follow my library blog @ghostofskywalker-library and turn on notifications!

#winterficlets23 #jesse x reader #arc trooper jesse x reader #arc trooper jesse x you #clone trooper x reader #star wars x reader

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imagines-by-cleo · 4 months

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Alright I’ll be adding another one to your numerous kaz requests😅can we get one where a female assassin (not Quiet lol) attempts to murder mgsv!Kaz and despite the hate he falls in love with her? I just thought the idea of Kaz having an ex assassin lover might be interesting.

and like everyone is saying…please take your time and don’t rush. Love your blog xoxo

~I'm back~ and omg I can't believe it took me until the new year to finish this. I've been writing this one bit by bit for the last couple months and I liked this prompt so much I'm almost sad to finish it. Thank you friend for thinking of this! Maybe I'll do a part two after I finish the rest of the requests and the few of my own I have in the works that should hopefully be out soon.

CW: SMUT, kinda dubcon, bondage, nipple play, teasing, fingering, orgasm denial, switch!Kaz, rough sex, unprotected sex, hair pulling

You gasped as another bucket full of freezing water was dumped over you, making you shudder and strain against the chains that held your arms above your head. Ready to shout another insult at the overdressed bastard that had been interrogating you until the swish of the sliding door echoed across the room and a stranger stepped in.

His presence held weight and his silence added to that, while you held your breath the only sound was the clanking of his cane on the metal floor slowly coming closer and closer.

"I tried everything, but unless you want me to seriously hurt her she's not gonna budge." The cowboy spoke, sounding just a little too excited as he hinted for permission to really get to work.

"That's not necessary." Kaz replied, sounding just the slightest bit defensive. "Let me talk to her. Alone."

"I don't think that's a good idea..."

"I don't care what you think." Kaz snapped back.

With a shrug the other man walked out of the room and you were left alone with your former target. If he wanted you dead it's likely he would have just killed you already, it was more possible that he wanted answers, secrets that you were in no position to be giving away. There was still a chance that you could save this mission from failure but if you cracked and gave away any information you would be dodging assassins better than yourself for the rest of your life.

He came closer in no hurry at all, clanking of his crutch hitting the metal floor echoed through the silent room like a doom drum. As he stood between you and the only light in the room he made a rather intimidating silhouette, towering over you in complete silence. Though you knew that his calm collected nature was just a ruse to put you in suspense you couldn't help but feel a little defeated as it was working.

"Let's start at the beginning." He said before starting his interrogation. "How did you get in?"

"Wouldn't you like to to know soldier boy?" You quipped, earning the smallest hint of a growl that he made quick work of silencing before he continued.

"Who do you work for?" He asked.

"You have a lot of enemies. Kaz." You teased, staring him down. "Just pick one to blame it on for now, it won't matter in the end."

"This doesn't have to be difficult." He stated, more reasonably than anyone who was almost murdered had a right to sound.

"Oh you haven't even seen difficult yet." You challenged, sounding more like a bratty child than a deadly assassin.

He quickly raised his hand, thinking he was going to hit you you flinched, not expecting to find him only reaching for the top button of your fatigues. It really did catch you off guard when he started to pop open each button slowly, one after the other until your whole front was undone and chest ready to be exposed by the slightest pull of the fabric.

Though the clothes still covered all that they were supposed to, the chilly wet fabric clinging tightly to your skin left little to the imagination. The sunglasses covering his eyes made it hard to tell where Kaz was looking yet you could still feel yourself shrinking under his gaze and fought your restraints with the urge to cover yourself.

Raising his hand to his mouth and biting down on the fingertip of his glove he pulled it off with his teeth then spit it onto the floor. He touched his bare hand to your neck, feeling how your breath was starting to quicken and more so when you knew he noticed, then pressing his thumb lightly over your windpipe he felt it stop. You found yourself wondering, doubting and then fearing again if a one handed man could even strangle you. Something in his firm grasp told you that he was ready to, and threatened, no, promised that he would.

His fingers moved, tracing your collar bone then stopping on the center of your chest, feeling your racing heartbeat for just a moment before slowly pulling one side of your shirt open. The touch of his hand on your skin felt both foreign and warm against your cold skin, even when he started to cup your uncovered breast it was difficult to reject.

"What are you doing?" You asked with an all too telling shake in your voice, receiving no answer from the man touching you.

You wanted to kick him away, spit at him maybe, call him a pervert or something worse, but the way he touched you was so meticulous and not at all a rushed taking of an opportunity. His touch was deliberate yet gentle, and the bitter scowl still stuck on his face told you that this wasn't for his enjoyment.

The cold water had already made your nipples stand out leaving them much easier to touch, he circled one with his thumb lightly toying with it and making you shudder. You did your best not to show a reaction and began to bite your lip in fear of making a noise as he continued to squeeze and massage the soft flesh in his grasp.

Soon his fingers started to wander lower, until they had reached a point that made you assess whether you should reject his touch or open up to it you found your body had already answered for you as your legs parted without any resistance. Truth be told there were certainly more horrible people to be captured by, even when you were looking at his file and saw the messy blonde hair and the mysterious shades you thought it would be a shame to kill him.

His fingers ran slowly up and down your slit, only brushing your clit with every other languid stroke. You could feel yourself getting wetter and eventually hear it too when you started to soak his fingers and make it easier for them to glide over your folds. When you rolled your hips forward to grind against his palm only finding he suddenly pulled his hand away, now you knew what his goal was.

"That's a dirty trick." You huffed, rubbing your thighs together though it was no substitute for his touch.

"Talk." He demanded, returning just one finger to rub little circles around your clit without ever really touching it.

"I can't." You growled in frustration. "They have other assassins ready to kill anyone that cracks."

His fingers moved down to circle your entrance, making you more and more desperate with each stroke. The satisfied look on his face as you got visibly closer to breaking was your only motivation to stay quiet. He leaned in close enough that you could feel his breath on your skin, the ghost of a touch of his lips on your ear seemed to hit every nerve in your body as he whispered.

"Are you sure you're so worried about that?" He asked, challenging the last bit of strength you had left.

One finger pressed in slowly, enough that you could savor the slight stretch which you couldn't tell whether it came from the thickness of the digit or how hard you had been clenching around it. Sliding in as deep as possible before curling, you moaned out loud as the feeling in the core grew more intense and demanded relief.

Kaz leaned in close until his lips where just ghosting over your own, you wanted to lean forward to kiss him but he was just out of reach. Still he lingered, tasting every breath growing deeper and faster while his fingers pumped in time. Just as you were sure you could cum all over his fingers he pulled his hand away.

"No, no, no, please!" You whimpered, trying to get his touch back before your release was lost.

"Tell me." He reiterated much to your frustration.

"It's XOF, okay? They sent me to kill you." You finally broke down and admitted not even caring about the consequences.

"What else do you know about them?" He continued.

"They don't tell me that much, probably in case I got captured, but they have more people they're gonna send if I don't come back."

"In that case we're gonna have to tighten up security around here..." His attention drifted off as he started to mentally plan.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're a damn tease?" You jeered.

That seemed to be the only thing that broke his scowl as he let out a short laugh, he even seemed to stay amused as he turned and walked away. "Well if those assassins are only as skilled as you I guess we have nothing to worry about."

"Hey, where are you going?" You asked though you received no answer

Totally unbothered as he kept walking and not the slightest bit guilty for leaving you so desperately untouched as he entered the code and stepped out the door.

"Kaz, you can't leave me like this." You shouted after him shamelessly bargaining. "It's gotta be against the Geneva convention or something."

As as the door shut behind him and your begging shouts had turned into frustrated curses as you strained against your bonds. The room was left deadly silent making the sound of your pounding heart echo louder through your neglected body and you found yourself wishing that someone would have mercy and dump another bucket of cold water on you.

Ever since that day you had been working exclusively for the diamond dogs under the direct orders of Kazuhira Miller. Doing odd missions and assassinations that Big Boss was too busy to take care of, your most difficult mission so far was convincing everyone that you were no longer a threat, but for the most part you left that up to Kaz. Your loyalty lied only with him and for the worst reason, every day that you worked you counted yourself lucky that that no one else knew the truth or what your goals really were; although every once in a while you would get a knowing glance from that cowboy you met earlier.

Soon enough you had earned enough trust to have the privilege of a room of your own, it was hardly an upgrade from your cold cell but it at least had a proper bed, the only real problem was how empty it felt. The nights there were unbearable alone and you constantly found yourself tossing and turning with an insatiable need burning through your body. Your own touch was hardly enough to satisfy, even when you pretended your fingers were his while tracing all the places he had touched before.

One night you couldn't take it anymore, frustrated with the growing wetness between your thighs you ventured out to go find the relief you had been craving for far too long. Without even bothering to put on more than the t-shirt you slept in and a thin pair of panties you snuck out through the halls avoiding detection much like you would on a real mission.

Security had increased since you first infiltrated the base, but luckily for you not in the places it mattered. The routes patrol took were the same and the direction cameras were pointed never changed either, both faults practically inviting you into Kaz's quarters.

He wasn't a very sound sleeper, just like the first time you saw him he was tossing and turning in a fight with his own dreams before he even woke to notice an intruder. Quietly and carefully you crept onto his bed watching him twitch and mumble for a moment before you crawled over and straddled him, pushing the sweat dampened hair back from his forehead you noticed his breathing start to steady as his eyes fluttered open.

The peace didn't last long however, when he woke up enough to realize there was someone else in the room his expression changed to pure rage. His hand flew to your throat squeezing tight even after he recognized you almost as if you were the nightmare he had been fighting with. Only gently setting a hand on his arm while trying not to give in to your instinct to fight back, eventually his grip relaxed though he didn't let go of your neck.

"Trying to kill me again?" He questioned, baring his teeth.

"No." You answered simply, a blush crept onto you face along with a hint of a nervous smile.

Kaz was about to say something else, most likely a follow up question until he felt the answer in your fingertips creeping along the waistband of his boxers. He was stunned at the boldness of your touch, giving you the opportunity to grab his wrist and pin it to his side.

"You never told me how you got in here." He confidantly remarked, as if he was still in control.

"The same way I got in last time." You answered proudly. "And you didn't even bother to lock the door this time."

Noticing the hint of a smirk on his face you could almost assume that he knew, even as you felt him strain in your grasp but never really fight against it made you think this vulnerability was just an act or more likely a trap. Suspicious as his behavior was you couldn't help but take the opportunity before you, hooking your finger on his boxers waistband and slowly pulling them down.

With a few light strokes you soon felt his cock stiffen up in your grasp then once it was nice and hard you gripped tighter and pumped a little faster. Watching his chest rise and fall as his breathing grew deeper you were hoping to get something like a whimper or maybe you could even get him beg and look as pathetic as you must have when he was teasing you.

The idea swirled in your head as you softened your grip and slowed down until you were only giving him short lazy strokes. Kaz let out a deep frustrated groan, while it wasn't what you were hoping for it was a start. He opened his eyes to see you staring down at him with sadistic intentions then gave you a defiant smile while shaking his head.

Pouting at his reaction you became even more determined to get him to crack, with only your thumb and your forefinger you continued to work his shaft until you could practically hear him grinding his teeth. He had almost wiggled his wrist out of your grasp but you kept a firm hold on him.

After deciding you had enough of teasing him you let go and moved up to hover your hips just above his, though he tried to hide it his twitching and squirming gave him away. Your mouth watered at the sight of Kaz held down panting with his swollen leaking cock out and proud just waiting for you to touch it while the growing ache between your own legs was getting too much to ignore

Too impatient to even take them completely off you simpliy slid your panties to the side before straddling him and lowering down, taking a minute roll your hips and drag his tip across your slit and feel it twitch while you soaked his cock. He let out the most delicious gasp when you slammed down on him and took the entire length with little resistance, for a moment you stayed there just savoring the feeling that was so much better than you had imagined in the long lonely nights.

The small victory wasn't yours to enjoy for very long, you held still long enough to feel him writhe impatiently and try to raise his hips in protest, you kept your resolve and only lifted slowly off of him then lowered back down taking just one inch at a time. Kaz groweld at first, then he sighed, then he whined. It was just like how you were when he left literally hanging in that cold cell, maybe even worse. The idea of that revenge made you dizzy with the promise of relief like you had been wanting, and you found yourself feeling just merciful enough to use him to get it.

Squeezing around him and making him moan without any hint of shame, his wrist went limp in your grasp and he relaxed and allowed you to continue your sweet torture. It did feel like a victory to render him as helpless as he was beneath you, even the idea of it made you wetter than you thought possible and the sight of it made you shudder. In that moment you needed release more than you needed revenge, the bitterness you felt toward him slipped further away every time you sunk down on his cock.

Your hips were moving on their own at that point, it was hard to tell who was getting more pleasure out of it all you knew was that you were getting so close to that sweet relief you had needed since he first touched you. Reminded of that night you had the idea of bringing his hand up to your chest, having him touch you like only he could.

As soon as you released his wrist his hand flew to your thigh grabbing tight and using it as leverage to throw you off onto your back, already stunned at being tossed off like that you never expected him to flip you again before climbing over and using his weight to keep you pinned down with a hand on the back of your neck.

"Fuck! Not again." You groaned, feeling your release slipping away.

His fingers twisted into your hair while he pushed your face into the pillow, the way he held you down made nearly impossible to even shift your weight let alone break free. Although his still hard cock rubbing against you from behind curbed your want to escape.

He laughed as you tried to wiggle yourself out to no avail. "I expect better from my best assassin, I should teach you a lesson."

Fighting his grasp just enough to turn your head for a moment to ask while sliding your panties down and coyly grinding against him. "Would you call this a lesson, or maybe a punishment?"

"A mission, now shut up and take it." He answered bluntly before forcing your head back into the pillow.

The first thrust buried his entire length deeper than it had gone before, without even realizing it you were whimpering helplessly while he pulled out to the tip and repeated the action again. Over and over the cycle continued of him leaving you nearly empty just to plunge in even deeper and quicker.

It was almost too much but you were so afraid of him stopping and not letting you finish that you spread your legs farther and took even more. Your cheeks grew red in pure embarrassment as you lost all control over the noises coming from your mouth, more so when Kaz pulled your head back by the hair and forced you to cry out in the open.

"C'mon, let everyone know who you're loyal to now." He demanded, twisting your hair and earning another scream.

He was so cruel, but honestly that was what you wanted, the violence, the insults, the brutal manhandling, all of it. Ever since that day you were wishing he would just pound you like this, all the while giving you that blood chilling scowl.

That feeling of reaching your peak came creeping up through your body again, and with it a fear that you would be denied release. You arched your back and bucked your hips in rhythm with his trying to take in as much of him as you possibly could while fully expecting him to chastise you for being so desperate.

"Don't... Don't make me beg for it again." You panted out, lifting up and pressing your back to his chest.

He snorted at your request. "You're so lucky I'm bored of teasing you."

Having him so close while you came made the sensation so much more intense, feeling his breathing get deeper while he pounded even harder and pulled your hair even tighter. He tugged your head to the side so he could put his mouth on your neck and practically taste every moan that flowed out, his lips felt scorching on your already burning skin consuming you completely in a wildfire of passion.

Kaz pulled out and turned you over while your legs were still twitching, before he could even push back in you caught a glance through the glaze in your eyes and saw the first spurts of cum dripping out of his cock. He shut his eyes and bared his teeth while he continued to roll his hips forward, letting out long low groan and gripping your thigh tight. The feeling of him twitching inside while he while he filled you up was just too much for your sore overstretched hole, but the lingering need to keep him close kept you from telling him to stop and instead making you wrap your legs around his waist.

Spent, exhausted and finally finished he dropped down, his face only a few inches away from your own. Your breath mixed and your eyes locked in a moment of honest exposure, the bitterness and tension being released finally allowed the two of you to really see each other for a brief moment.

He didn't hold back at all, touching and kissing you wildly wherever he pleased while you were still shivering and giving you all the contact you had been begging for all this time. While you were a little taken aback by his treatment you readily accepted and even returned the affection where you could.

"Do you know how bad I wanted to do this while you were all tied up in there?" He revealed through heavy breaths.

Even his affection was violent. Kisses from a man who forgot any other way to be intimate could nearly drown you in wave after brutal wave, but you wouldn't just survive without returning in kind. Not simply allowing Kaz to take over your body, you savagely took his as well. Becoming nothing more than a tangled mess of tongues and teeth, hands grabbing and pulling desparately whether they landed on hair or skin.

In one of the rare instances when your lips had to part for oxygen you took the opportunity to say. "Kaz. Don't take this the wrong way but, I'm so glad I came to kill you."

"There's no right way for you to take this but, I'm glad you're bad at your job." He replied with a grin.

With the slightest urge to prove him wrong right there you laughed and kissed him again. For the rest of the night it continued like that, with the two of you sharing banter while holding each other close. The end of the agonizingly tense relationship you previously had sparked the begining of something that would be a challenge to explain if anyone on base found out. If they found out.

#kazuhira miller #metal gear solid #mgsv kaz #mgs kaz #kazuhira miller x reader #master miller #mgsv #mgsvtpp #mgs x reader

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neversetyoufree · 10 months

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in the last ep of the anime, i noticed that it cut out to the ending directly before vanitas could actually take noes hand, and i wondered if that was referencing what noe said about vanitas at the beginning.

Oh that's such a good catch! You're absolutely right anon, and I think we can take your idea even further than that.

I've talked about this in a previous post, but VnC's running refrain of Noé reaching for Vanitas's hand is really symbolic. Noé has saved Vanitas from literally falling multiple times, but their entire relationship is also one big metaphorical outstretched hand. Vanitas is "falling" down toward his inevitable doom as he self destructs via his revenge, and Noé is grasping out desperately as he tries to catch him and save him from that fate.

"That day when I didn't grab your hand" (which I assume, along with killing him, is what you mean by "what Noé said about Vanitas") might refer to a future event in which Noé will literally fail to catch Vanitas. But more importantly, it's a reference to the larger truth. By Noé's definition of salvation—in terms of preventing his death, Noé is going to fail to save Vanitas. No amount of reaching out can prevent his ultimate fall.

Within this metaphor, then, the scene on the rooftop after the amusement park can be summed up simply. It's the scene where Vanitas finally lets himself reach for Noé's offered hand.

I mean this in three ways.

The first way is the literal way. The scene ends with Vanitas reaching up to take Noé's hand and be helped to his feet. And despite the sheer frequency of Noé reaching out for or trying to catch Vanitas, this is only the second time we see Vanitas actually reach up and take Noé's hand to be helped of his own accord. The only other time is in the catacombs, right before he decides to tell Noé about Doctor Moreau for the first time.

In the catacombs, Vanitas taking Noé's hand works as a symbolic gesture of trust and an acceptance of Noé's help with the Moreau case. Noé has been forcing his help on Vanitas up until this point, staying up late by the door just to follow him out, but taking his hand is the moment that Vani starts to willingly bring him into the fold. The literal is never just literal with these guys.

The second way comes when Vanitas tells Noé that he's "given up on making him do what he wants." As I said, Noé has spent the entire manga reaching out and trying to save Vanitas from his "fall." One major facet of that is his recurring refusal to let Vanitas isolate himself. He makes a willful declaration of staying by his side when Vanitas tries to dismiss him in the bell tower, and when Vanitas tries to cut Noé out of his life by the blade of a knife, Noé comes back with "I will never set you free." Vanitas wants, or at least claims he wants, Noé to leave him the hell alone, but Noé says no every time.

"Giving up on making Noé do what he wants," then, means that Vanitas has finally let himself accept that he wants Noé by his side. There's no more pretending he doesn't want his help or his presence. No more trying to shove Noé away every time he's upset. At least in this moment (though we'll have to see if he holds himself to it), Vanitas has admitted that he wants Noé and Noé's supportiveness in his life.

Mochijun even uses a flashback panel to be sure we know exactly what Vanitas means here. It's that important.

Giving up on trying to push Noé away is one very significant way in which Vanitas has accepted the metaphorical outstretched hand. He's admitting he wants Noé, and Noé's presence means the presence of love and help. It means the end of self-isolation as a maladaptive coping technique. Of course he's going to reach up and accept Noé's literal offer to help him to his feet in the same scene that he finally tells Noé he'll stop trying to get rid of him.

The third way is, of course, when Vanitas says that he wants Noé to be the one to kill him.

Now, this is not how Noé wanted Vanitas to interpret his outstretched hand. Unlike his loved ones, Noé does not see killing and being killed as a way to show love or to save someone. His offer of salvation is meant to be an offer to save Vanitas from his self-destruction. But Vanitas does not want to be saved that way. And given that the manga begins with the statement that Noé will kill him someday, we know that Vanitas cannot be saved by Noé's definition.

However, Vanitas does not share Noé's definition of salvation. I don't know if Vanitas himself could even put words to his personal idea of salvation. But we know from multiple examples that it can sometimes include the gift of a kind death to prevent a worse life. That's the kind of salvation he offers when he returns a curse bearer's True Name despite knowing that it will kill them.

I have a lot of thoughts about the kind of salvation Vanitas could find in Noé, but for the purposes of this scene, this idea of a preferable death is a big one. Vanitas would rather die than lose his humanity, and this is an extremely vulnerable thing for him. Saying that he wants Noé to kill him is, in his own way, accepting Noé's unspoken offer of salvation. He's saying "I want you to be the one to save me in the one way that I can accept."

Vanitas cannot envision a life for himself, and thanks to the way Luna's Mark is rewriting him, it's likely that a long life as his human self would be impossible even if he weren't suicidal. But though it's still not healthy behavior, his request for death is, in his own terms, taking up the hand that Noé has extended. It's a grasp for salvation by a man that cannot admit that he wants to be saved.

And that brings me back to your original point, anon. Because Vanitas reaches up for Noé's hand, and that is incredibly important, but in both the anime and the manga, we do not get to see him take it. The meaning of this depends on what definition of salvation you analyze the scene through.

By Noé's definition, we know that Vanitas cannot and will not be saved. As he says in the beginning, Noé is going to kill him someday. There will be a day when he will fail to grab his hand, and Vanitas will finally fall to the gravity of his doom. So in that way, it makes sense that even in the most optimistic of scenes, we have to cut away before Vanitas can actually take Noé's hand. He might be letting himself reach for it now, and that's a good thing, but Noé is never actually going to be able to pull him up. To show us otherwise in a scene so full of symbolism and foreshadowing would be a lie.

However, as I keep saying, Noé's definition of salvation isn't the only one at play. As much as Vanitas's death will not be prevented, the fact remains that he is still finally letting himself reach for salvation in some form. So perhaps we can cut away as soon as he starts to reach not because he'll never be saved, but because the thing that matters in this scene is the reaching itself. Noé has become a supportive constant in Vanitas's life. He's just reaffirmed that he won't change, that he'll continue to support Vanitas from beside him.

We don't need to see Noé take Vanitas's hand once he starts reaching because that is a foregone conclusion. It's Vanitas's decision to reach that needs the emphasis of being the final shot, because that's the heart of the moment.

In the manga, Vanitas reaches up, and we cut to the sunlit sky. This whole scene, in addition to the running thread of reaching hands and salvation, has an overarching symbol in the end of the rain. Vanitas and Noé's horrible fight was in the storm, the rain patters to its end as they make up, and the sun breaks through the clouds as they reaffirm their pledges to one another and Noé re-offers Vanitas his hand. It's simple but effective pathetic fallacy.

So to that end, Vanitas reaches up to take Noé's offer to help him stand (reaches up to take some version of his promise of salvation), and we cut to the sunlit sky. Noé has brought the sunlight back as he offers his hand to Vanitas. Joy and light and hope return as Noé's love for and desire to save Vanitas are reestablished. Then Vanitas reaches toward that light, and we cut to the sunbeams to make sure you know just what he's reaching toward.

This works well for the end of a story arc! The weather symbol has been a constant throughout the whole amusement park arc, so of course the chapter that marks its end has to be capped off with an image of the clouds breaking. It's a closing note that pulls together Vanitas's reaching for salvation, the weather symbolism, and 55.5's general tone of relief.

Meanwhile, the anime switches things so that we see the sunbeams first, and then Vanitas reaching for Noé's hand is the final shot of the whole entire show. And for once, I actually really like this little change! The manga's order of images works well as a resolution for its chapter and its story arc, but the anime's version works really well as a possible end for the story overall.

The VnC anime may or may not ever get another season, so for the foreseeable future, Vanitas reaching for Noé's hand is the end of the show. This gives that shot a lot of emphasis. In fact, it kind of makes it the meaning of the whole thing.

Noé spends the whole anime reaching out and trying to offer a hand of salvation to Vanitas, and the final shot of the whole thing is Vanitas letting himself reach up to take it. We don't end on the shot of their clasping hands, but the shot of the reaching, because Vanitas's decision to accept some form of salvation is the thing the whole show has been building towards. It's the decision to reach up that makes the whole story.

So though they go about it in very slightly different ways, the manga and the anime are still both making meaning out of the simple act of Vanitas reaching. That's the core of the whole thing.

And overall, though I've framed "we cut away because Noé won't actually be able to stop his fall/grab his hand" and "we cut away because the decision to reach is the important part" as two opposing interpretations, I actually think their co-existence is key. Vnc's whole story is a conflict between Noé and Vanitas's definitions of salvation. The tension of their relationship isn't "will Noé find a way to save Vanitas from death?" (He won't). The tension is "will Noé find some other way to save Vanitas before his death?" and "will he be able to recognize that alternate salvation as salvation if/once Vanitas claims it?"

VnC is a story about a doomed man who might in some way be saved. Chapter 55.5 cuts away before we see Vanitas actually take Noé's hand because he is doomed to fall someday and not reach that hand when it matters most, but also because the thing that matters in this scene is that he decides to reach up at all. Vanitas is going to die, so any hope and optimism in his story must make peace with the doom of him. His healing from his trauma and accepting love and help happens while he is hurtling rapidly toward his ending. That's the beauty and the tension of Vanoé's relationship (and the beauty and tension of VnC as a whole).

So to answer your question anon, yes. We cut away before Vanitas reaches Noé's hand because, as we're told in the beginning, he will not ultimately reach Noé's salvation. But at the same time, the whole point of the rooftop scene is that Vanitas does want to accept some kind of salvation, and he just might manage do it. It all depends on how he can be saved.

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geminiwritten · 1 year

Text

dr. dreamy ; bones

fandom: star trek

pairing: bones x reader

summary: it’s been a while since you’ve been laid, and it’s starting to affect your mood so jim offers his help before quickly realising that you’re still hung up on a mysterious ‘mr. dreamy’ from your academy days... but he soon finds out that the man you’ve been in love with for the past five years is, in fact, the enterprise’s best doctor

notes: did somebody say hyper-fixation? also, if you haven’t noticed already, i have a favourite formula... i wrote this while sick, so apologies if its crap, but let me know what you think!

warnings: swearing and horny

word count: 4173

The turbolift halts when it reaches the deck on which the upper-most access to the warp core is located. Your steps are sluggish, and the lace on your left boot is about five strides from falling untied, but you don’t really care to fix it even as you feel your boot go lax. Your heel begins to slip in and out of place just as you reach the door to one of the larger maintenance rooms.

“What’s got your knickers in a twist?” Scotty asks as soon as he sees you.

You shrug, “just tired.”

“Too tired to remember where you’re s’pposed to be?” he stops you from picking up the spare pair of gloves from the bench, “first aid trainin’?”

A vague memory fights its way to the front of your mind, and you recall being ordered by Jim to attend the annual first aid training course that at least two crew members from each division were required to attend.

“Why me?” you sigh, “why can’t you be the first aid officer, or-or Ayden?” The young brunette lieutenant who was half-concealed behind a large metal tank pokes his head out.

“Because,” Scotty says, dismissing Ayden with a wave of his hand, “the capt’n requested you specifically, and I know he’s a bit of bastard sometimes but he’s still our capt’n.”

“He just wants me to suffer because he has to,” you grumble.

He chuckles as he grips your shoulders and physically turns you back toward the door, “I doubt you’ll be sufferin’ much, lassie, I heard the CMO himself is runnin’ this one.”

Your feet forget their steps and you stumble before catching yourself on the doorjamb. “W-Why is Bones running it? Isn’t he busy? He never does this kind of thing,” you say as you turn back to face Scotty.

He shrugs, “capt’n’s orders, I guess. Now go before you’re late.”

You drag your feet out the door, down the corridor, and into the lift once again, all the while muttering about all the ways you intend on getting back at Jim.

You met Jim on your second day at Starfleet Academy and were almost immediately joined at the hip, being one of the only women on campus who was immune to the man’s charm. Well, not entirely immune at first, but you’ve definitely built it up over the years. It took a whole twelve months before you met his other other half, the doctor, and no matter how many years you spend with that man, you will never be immune to Leonard McCoy. From the moment you met him, you knew you were doomed, though you still tried desperately to deny it and got pretty good at controlling your body’s reactions to him. Your thoughts, however, not so much.

For almost two whole years, you managed to keep your crush under wraps, even though it was quite literally crushing you. It was one drunken night when you finally confessed to Jim, not quite revealing the identity of the man you were in love with but giving him enough information that he actually comforted you. That was when you realised it was a lost cause, and you were condemned to pine after this man for all eternity, because even James Tiberius Kirk couldn’t make a joke about your heartache. He did, however, affectionately nickname this mysterious man ‘Mr. Dreamy’ and continue to ask you about him and allow you to vent. It was nice to not have to bottle it all up, but it felt strange talking to one of your best friends about the other without him even knowing that it was the other best friend that you were talking about. Your conscience certainly took a guilty blow every time you’d end up in tears in Jim’s arms, or have to quickly change the conversation because Leonard was approaching. Jim never questioned it though, nor did he push the topic when you stopped bringing it up once aboard the Enterprise, leaving him to assume that Mr. Dreamy was left behind at the academy.

“You’re late,” Jim says as you fall into the chair beside him.

“You’re ugly,” you retort.

The large conference room is devoid of the oversized table that usually sits at its center, instead there are only two smaller tables piled high with medical equipment surrounded by a number of limbless, humanoid dummies. You and Jim are sitting in the front row of the audience chairs, whereas most of the crew attending had opted for further back.

“That’s no way to speak to your captain,” he chuckles, “what’s got your panties in a knot?”

“My panties are neither yours nor Scotty’s business,” you snap, though as soon as the words leave your lips you know you’ve given away exactly the reason why they are in a proverbial knot.

You’ve been aboard the USS Enterprise for almost two years, which means it’s been two years and one month – give or take a day – since you’ve been laid, and holy shit are you frustrated. It isn’t that you have an aversion to sex, or are practicing abstinence, in fact, you have a very healthy enjoyment for the act. It just so happens that you can’t seem to want anyone other than the one man you can’t have, because who fucking knows what would happen if you went down that route after five long years of friendship.

Jim’s laughter turns into a childish giggle, “has it been a while?”

You roll your eyes, “yes, Jim, it’s been a while.”

“How long?”

You turn in your chair to face the curious man, “that is also none of your business.”

“You know,” he glances around the room, “I know for a fact that there are many lovely lieutenants aboard this ship who would be more than willing to scratch that itch for you.”

“Shut up,” you hiss, “and no. Do you know how complicated it can get when you sleep with someone you’re stuck on a spaceship with for five years?”

“I do, actually,” he replies, “I know very well, but that doesn’t mean we should have to ignore one of our most primal needs.”

“Primal needs,” you roll your eyes again, “I appreciate the concern, but I’ll be fine. Three more years won’t kill me.”

He gasps, “it’s been three years?”

You roll your eyes again so hard you’re sure you saw your brain, “Jim, you know very well it hasn’t been three years.”

“Wait, so you haven’t slept with any since… since we-”

“Nope,” you say, stopping him from finish that sentence.

Yep, you had sex with Jim Kirk, but in your defense, who hasn’t? It was a drunken night, one week from embarking on the Enterprise’s five-year journey, and you were both a little lonely and incredibly horny. It wasn’t half bad either, if only a little strange sleeping with one of your best friends while you were in love with the other.

“Holy shit, Y/N, I didn’t-”

“Of course you didn’t know, Jim,” you sigh, turning back to the front of the room, “besides it’s not like I haven’t had… options, I’m just not interested.”

He frowns, “don’t tell me you’re still hung up on Mr. Dreamy.”

You purse your lips to keep from laughing, not out of mirth but something more along the lines of grim amusement, and your silence is enough of an answer for Jim.

“Hey,” he places a hand on your arm, “you know, I wouldn’t object if you wanted me to… help you out again. Believe me it was no chore, I mean-”

“Jim!” you snap, “shut up before somebody hears you.”

His cheeky grin only grows wider, “come on, you think anyone on this ship would be surprised to find out we’ve slept together?”

Before you can reply, the sound of someone clearing their throat catches your attention, and you both snap toward the front of the room to find the doctor himself staring at you. His frown is harsher than usual, and his hair a little mussed, which only fills your inappropriate mind with a thousand different fantasies of the messy-haired doctor in your bed.

“Well,” Jim sighs, “maybe one person.”

You glance around to the find majority of the room watching you while the rest of them do anything they can to not witness this situation unfold.

“Sorry, Bones,” Jim says, “you can begin now.”

“Well, thank you, Jim,” the doctor replies sarcastically before turning his attention to the room, “now that our captain has given his blessing, let’s get started.”

Jim settles back in his chair, though his demeanor is less relaxed and a little more anxious than before. You keep your eyes trained on the holographic slides behind Leonard as he talks about first aid basics and what different codes and acronyms mean. You try your hardest not to look at him, but all you can think about is how much you want to jump his bones. His voice is still a little raspy from sleep, and you start to fantasize about how delicious his Southern drawl would sound whispered against your neck.

Your almost halfway through a dangerously vivid daydream when Jim nudges you. “Are you okay?” he asks, and only then do you realise that the rest of crew had begun packing away their chairs to make room on the floor.

You nod and stand, dragging your chair to the side while Jim retrieves one of the rubbery dummies from the front of the room. Everyone pairs off, and you sit on the opposite side of the dummy to Jim while he uses his PADD to pull up some notes.

“Now,” Bones says, “we’re going to practice a variety of different cardiopulmonary resuscitation techniques. The concept is the same, it just depends on the anatomy of the patient.”

Jim hands you the PADD and you start flipping through all the different diagrams of different species’ anatomies, each illustration pointing out the location of the body’s heart, lungs, and esophagus.

“How the hell does he remember all these?” you wonder aloud.

Jim chuckles, “why do you think he’s so grumpy all the time?”

You get up on your knees for a better angle at the dummy and place your hands over where the heart would be on a human.

“I have to ask,” he says before you can start practicing compressions, “how do you even know if Mr. Dreamy is still single? Why wait for him?”

“It’s not like I still think I have a chance with him,” you reply, “it’s just… complicated.”

“How could it be complicated? I know you’ve got your excuses, but if you’re so in love with this guy, what’s to lose if you just ask him out?”

You can’t help but glance over your shoulder at the doctor. He’s kneeling beside another pair and helping them with their hand placement.

“It just is,” you say, before starting CPR on your own dummy.

“Well,” Jim says, “my offer still stands, because who knows how long before you’re grumpier than the good doctor over there.”

You sit back on your heels and gesture for him to take his turn, deciding not to acknowledge his proposal. After taking turns on three different methods of CPR, the doctor appears beside you.

“Do you need any help?” he asks as he kneels on the floor, and you want to say yes but you know he’s only referring to the dummy.

“You underestimate us, Bones,” Jim replies, “we’re top of the class.”

“Sure you are,” Bones rolls his eyes, “show me then.”

Jim sits back and gestures for you to do the honors.

You turn to the doctor, and the butterflies in your stomach erupt into a frenzy. “J-Just human?” you ask, cursing yourself for stuttering.

He nods and you lean over the dummy, placing your hands over where the sternum would be and starting a rhythmic pulse of compressions.

“Harder,” he says, which almost makes your hands slip off the dummy entirely. “Don’t be scared to break a rib, I’m sure they’d prefer a broken bone over death.”

You take a deep breath to compose yourself and put a little more force into the compressions. After counting to thirty, you tip the head of the dummy back, pinch its rubbery nose, and act as if you’re blowing into its mouth without actually putting your lips on it. Then you return to performing compressions.

“Good girl,” the doctor praises, and your sure your heart stops just as your breath does. Your hands slip and you have to catch yourself on the floor to keep from faceplanting.

You sit back and stare at Bones’ arms as he rolls his sleeves up and positions himself over the dummy.

“Make sure you interlock your fingers,” he says, “and keep your arms extended, that way you won’t lose stability.”

You want to listen, but you can’t stop staring at his bare arms as he performs perfect CPR on the doll in front of you. His skin is tanned and taught across his strong muscles, honed from years of practicing to have the steadiest and most skilled hands in all of Starfleet. His hands, oh god, you’ve had countless dreams about them tangling in your hair and touching every inch of your body.

You shift a little to try and relieve the pressure building between your thighs.

“Jim,” Bones says, “your turn.”

You look up to find Jim staring at you, his brows furrowed and a question on his lips as he slowly moves to take over from the doctor. Once satisfied with Jim’s technique, Bones leaves to help another pair and you quickly start flipping through the PADD to find the next diagram.

“Y/N,” Jim says, his tone suddenly serious.

You glance up, your cheeks hot, “Captain.”

He stares at you, his blue eyes trapping you and stopping you from looking away no matter how much you want to.

“Holy shit,” you can practically see the lightbulb flash above his head, “holy shit, I can’t believe I didn’t notice! I mean, it’s so obvious, and- how the hell did I not realise? Holy shit.”

“Jim-”

“It’s Bones!” he exclaims, earning startled glances from the people surrounding you.

“Jim, please-”

“No, no, no, you’re not lying your way out of this one,” he says, “I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me that Mr. Dreamy- or should I say Doctor Dreamy is Bones.”

You sink onto your bum and cross your legs on front of you, leaning your elbows on your knees as you hide your face in your hands. “Jim, please don’t say anything,” you plead, “he can’t know, no one can know.”

“The way you look at him, the way you’ve always looked at him,” he goes on, though his voice is significantly lower, “I can’t believe I didn’t notice.”

Before you can say another word, Bones calls the room’s attention. Behind him, the holographic slides have changed to new points of information, and everyone falls silent to listen to the doctor’s speech.

You can see Jim squirming from the corner of your eye as you try to listen to the rest of the seminar, but it’s almost impossible to hear anything over the beating of your own heart. Heat washes over you in waves, ensuring your cheeks remain a bright shade of red and making your uniform feel itchy and tight. It feels like an eternity before Bones announces a break for lunch.

You grab Jim before he can move and begin dragging him out of the room, down the corridor, and into one of the smaller, vacant conference rooms.

He’s already giggling as you flop into one of the chairs, “you’re in love with Bones.”

You sigh, “yep.”

“And have been for five years?”

“Yep.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s stupid,” you reply, “and when I first met him, he was still getting over the divorce. Every time we’d drink together, he’d end up ranting about his ex and either make himself angry or upset. We all became such good friends, and before I knew it… I just didn’t want to ruin the friendship.”

“Ruin the friendship?” he repeats, “what are we? Teenagers in some old, soapy television drama?”

You shrug, “yes, I’m in love with him, but I’d rather have him in my life even just as a friend than not at all.”

“What makes you think he wouldn’t want to be with you?”

“Have you seen the women who hit on him?” you scoff, “and the women he’s been with? I could never-”

“Hey,” he interrupts you and pinches your chin between his thumb and forefinger, “none of that. You’re gorgeous, and Bones would be an idiot not to agree.”

“Okay,” you swat his hand away, “say we did go out, but it didn’t go well, and then I’ve lost one of my closest friends and made it incredibly awkward for you. Not to mention being stuck on this damn ship with him for another three years.”

Jim huffs, his eyes boring into his own shoes. It looks as if he’s having his own argument in his head, his posture rigid and his lips set into a hard line.

“Jim, just promise-”

“Sorry to interrupt,” a red-shirted lieutenant pokes their head through the door, “but I actually have this room booked in five minutes.”

“Oh,” you stand and grab Jim’s arm, “sorry.”

You pull your captain into the corridor and begin back toward the big conference room.

“Y/N, just hear me out.”

You turn abruptly and push Jim against the wall with a hand on his chest, “no, Jim, you hear me out. You know how I feel, and you know how long I’ve felt like this, so don’t you dare try and tell me what I should do. Just because you now know it’s Leonard doesn’t change anything.”

“Okay,” he raises his hands in surrender, “okay, I’ll shut up, I’m sorry.”

You release him slowly and he lowers his hands.

“I have to admit though,” he smirks, “he’d be an excellent lay.”

“Jim!” you exclaim, your hands balling into fists at your side.

He chuckles and looks down the corridor, his grin disappearing the instant his eyes land on the doctor. You frown and follow his gaze before quickly taking two steps back from your captain.

Jim clears his throat, “Bones-”

“We’re starting again,” the doctor says, before turning sharply and walking back into the conference room.

Neither of you say another word as you reenter the room and take a seat in the front row once again. Leonard avoids looking your way for the rest of the afternoon, and though you can’t help but worry about what you’ve done wrong, it also allows you to stare at him unashamedly. You let your thoughts run wild, imagining his hands pinning your wrists down, his body on top of yours, and his mouth everywhere as he slowly unties that knot below your stomach that’s been twisting tighter and tighter for five years.

Eventually he calls the day to an end, and everyone thanks him before shuffling out of the room, everyone but Jim.

“Dinner?” you ask.

He takes a deep breath before standing, “I’ll be there soon, you go ahead.”

Your heart thuds nervously, but you stop yourself from questioning him any further and turn toward the door. You’re the last out aside from Jim, and you can hear him address his friend just as you step into the corridor. The last of the crew shuffle into the lift. “Are you coming?” one asks.

You fight with your good conscience before shaking your head, “no, you go.”

The doors of the lift ease shut, and you turn several times on the spot, asking yourself whether you’re a sneaky person before giving in and pressing yourself against the conference room’s door.

“Bones,” you hear Jim’s voice, “just listen to me.”

“I don’t really feel like listening to you right now, Jim,” the doctor bites back.

You frown and press your ear against the door.

“Please, let me explain.”

“Explain what exactly?” Bones asks, his tone harsh, “the part where you slept with girl I love, or the part where you lied to me so that I didn’t?”

You smack your hand over your mouth to keep from gasping… or screaming.

“I didn’t lie to you, Bones, I just-”

“You told me she was in love with some other guy, and that I couldn’t ask her out because it would only make things awkward.”

“I didn’t lie to you, I-I just didn’t know that-” Jim sighs loudly, “Bones, I am sorry, we were both drunk and it didn’t mean anything, it was just-”

“Just sex?” Bones snaps, “that’s all it ever is with you, Jim, you never think about anyone else.”

“I know, it was stupid, but I never lied to you,” Jim says, “she really was- is in love with someone, but she never told me who it was. I just- I assumed it was some guy back at the academy, and I should have realised-”

“Realised what, Jim?”

You can only imagine the two of them squaring up to each other, and you try desperately not to let the picture of an infuriated Leonard turn you on.

“The guy she was- is in love with, she never told me who it was, we just called him by some stupid nickname, she’s loved him for years, but I never-”

“Are you trying to torture me?” Bones interrupts again, “spit it out, damnit!”

“It’s you!” Jim exclaims.

Your heart lurches, threatening to break through your ribcage and burst right out of your chest.

“She’s in love with you, has been for years.”

The silence is heavy, and you have to hold your breath to stay quiet.

“What are you playing, Jim?”

“Nothing, I’m telling you the truth,” their voices are no longer raised, “and I am sorry, Bones. I shouldn’t have slept with her, drunk or not.”

Another beat of silence passes.

“I didn’t realise you were still in love with her,” the captain says quietly, and you have lean against the door before your knees give way.

Bones sighs, “course I am.”

“Then tell her.”

“Tell her?”

You startle at the sound of footsteps approaching, jumping back from the door when it slides open.

Jim smirks, “I didn’t take you for the spying type.”

You don’t have a chance to reply before he pulls you into the room and drags you toward the doctor. He smiles at both of you, pats Bones on the shoulder, and leaves.

“Hi,” you murmur.

“Hi.”

Staring up at him, you soften instantly under his hazel gaze. You can feel the warmth from his body, you’re standing so close, and you’re positive your cheeks are burning red.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair, “Jim’s just-”

You’re not sure if it’s the fact that you’re touch starved or just overwhelmed by what you’d just heard, but you surge up onto your toes and press your lips against his. He catches your waist and presses your body against his, tilting his head to allow your mouths better access to each other as his tongue slides past your lips. You can’t help the little whimper that travels up your throat, which only urges Leonard on. He turns your bodies and sits you on the table, knocking half of the equipment on it to the floor. Your legs part and he settles between them, pressing into you enough to make you shudder.

“I love you,” he says between open mouthed kisses, “by the way.”

You giggle against his lips, “I love you too.”

His hands stroke your jaw before travelling gently down your neck and chest and stopping to cup your breasts. He groans, and you sigh, before his hands continue down to your hips and he holds you in place to grind against you.

You gasp, his name falling from your lips like a prayer, “Len.”

Your hook the fingers of your right hand in the band of his pants while your left travels up under his shirt. His skin is so hot and so soft, you can feel the appreciation for him pooling in your panties.

“Oh, my God,” a voice exclaims, and you jump apart, “that was quick!”

Leonard looks over his shoulder but keeps his body facing you, concealing the bulge in his pants. “Damnit, Jim!”

The captain giggles, his grin so broad you’re worried he might get stuck like that, “this is a public space.”

At the same time, you and Leonard shout, “get out!”

He continues laughing as he leaves, and only then does Leonard disentangle himself from you and march toward the door to lock it. When he turns back, you can’t help but giggle at the delicious sight of him.

“Want some help with that?” you ask, nodding toward his crotch.

He’s back on you in less than a second, claiming your neck with a heavenly bite. “Thought you’d never ask,” he whispers against your skin.

END.

#leonard mccoy #bones #star trek #leonard mccoy x reader #bones x reader #imagine #oneshot #one shot #karl urban #chris pine #jim kirk #captain kirk #spock

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trashlie · 10 months

Text

In Which I Demonstrate that Nol Cannot Deny Shinae; the man is down bad

(I need someone to understand HOW CLOSE I cam to titling this “I can’t deny your eyes, you know I try to read between the lines” i’m so sorry i’m so very on my pop-punk bullshit right now)

One of my favorite dynamics of Shinae and Nol as a pairing and just in general part of how they interact is that it has been shown to us time and time again that Shinae has so much more power (for lack of better word lol) over Nol than I think has been given credit for sometimes. I think often people get very caught up in how Nol’s so very torn in his battle of what he wants vs what he thinks he deserves and the hurt that he ends up causing that sometimes they miss what the true root of it is: that though Nol genuinely believes he does not deserve good things as well as he believes harm will befall all those he cares about and thus he should stay away from the people he loves to protect them - he can’t. He fails. He tries over and over, he gave Kousuke his word, he makes the effort to pull away, but in the end he always caves, he always fails.

When it comes to Shinae, his resolve crumbles.

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

It’s such an important dynamic BECAUSE Nol is such a victim of what he believes and has been made to believe it’s hard to get through to him. How do you convince someone that all the abuse that has traumatized him wasn’t true. How do you take someone like him who has been made to feel that he is nothing but a worthless mistake, that he only creates problems, that he is a monster, that he brings doom wherever he goes that it’s not so? Especially with his own father telling him these things, with Kousuke tearing him down at every opportunity, with what happened when he was locked away, with the fact that Yui can, in fact, bring harm. And has?

And yet, despite believing these things, despite internalizing that abuse to the extent that he cannot see anything else - his resolve still crumbles. Shinae has such an effect on him that I think deserves to be talked about, because she sees him when others don’t, she cares for him when others are accustomed to him caring for them, she picks up on these little things without being fully aware of them and in turn, Nol cannot help but want to stay close to pull her closer. And that’s exactly why he has to distance himself from her, from his friends - but we know the harder he struggles, the harder it becomes to maintain his resolve.

I’m a sucker for it! I love watching the war on his face, the expressions that shift, the way he tries to weasel out of situations and ultimately fail because he can’t very well tell her to her face that he can’t be close to her, that he can’t stay her friend. But because he can never draw that boundary, he keeps moving the line in the sand. It doesn’t matter; he always fails in the end.

This dynamic begins really early in! Shinae I think we could argue some other earlier moments also quality, but for this I want to specifically focus on post-formal moments, because I think what I love especially about this dynamic is that Nol has given Kousuke his word, has determined that he put Shinae in danger by taking interest in her and engaging in an indulgent friendship, and that for the sake of protecting her from further harm (and also due to his feelings of guilt) he needs to keep his distance and ease out of his friendship with her.

But post-formal it’s not so easy. Shinae has gone from trying to fend him off to a stick to openly expressing concern for him. She now takes a leaf out his book and reaches out to him - over and over and over.

It would be easy to not call her back. Catch up later and casually brush her off that he had a big family thing, that he fell asleep early. And yet, in the end, he fails and he winds up returning her call. Even though it’s a call for her reassurance, it’s just as much a call for him, taking in her concern for him, that little admission that maybe he is the villain like they think. He has a way of slipping up with Shinae, always confessing something real. She disarms him as much as she pulls him in and GOD I cannot help but adore this dynamic!

Another thing that goes hand in hand with this dynamic is that not only does Nol struggle to maintain that distance and create a berth of space between them, but he also continues to struggle to not go above and beyond for her. Shinae isn’t good at accepting favors or letting people do things for them, and I think if she knew that he completely took the blame for her tardiness in addition to going out of his way to go pick her up, she probably would get pretty annoyed. But as it stands, he does exactly that - not only takes the blame, but goes out of his way to pick her up.

It’s something about his expression after their call, when he looks like he’s torn on what to do, or perhaps torn on what is the best option? Torn on knowing that part of him has already made up his mind he’ll go to her even though he’s trying to convince himself he shouldn’t? He struggles with her at all times and ultimately she always has that effect on him - he just is unable to make himself resist, to NOT go to her, to NOT help her.

(It’s like when he gets mad at how Kousuke is treating her as an employee and calls him out on it! It’s things he doesn’t need to do, but it’s the fact that he can’t help it that betrays how much he cares, how much she affects him, how much he is unable to just walk away.)

Nol definitely seems aware of this, too. The moment he gives her the opportunity, he won’t be able to push that distance, so he tries to take advantage in the moments he can. Finding Shinae in the locker room leaves him the opportunity to sneak out, but unfortunately for him she takes notice of him and stops him in his tracks. Part of it is, of course, what he told Kousuke - that he can’t just suddenly cut her off without explaining why, and it’s difficult to ease things when she’s the one who keeps reaching out now, keeps grabbing on to him.

But again, we see that his undoing is that he cares. He’s never seen her like this and she’s willing to actually open up and talk about what’s bothering him? It’s so unlike her! (I love him telling her she has to use words because he can’t help her otherwise lol)

But what this moment demonstrates is, again, just one of my favorite parts - even when he TRIES to distance himself - he angles himself away from her, body turned away - he always ends up angled right back in. Nol and Shinae have this magnetic draw with each other and even when he makes the effort to turn away from her, he can’t help but be drawn back in, angle right back in to her. It’s something really fun to take note of when you reread, watching the way they just veer in towards each other, drift towards each other.

I’m sure he isn’t aware of it. She sure doesn’t seem to be! It’s just gravitational. Where she is, he will move towards. Where he is, she will drift towards. Their body language conveys that closeness!

For MANY reasons, the moment they share after work, before Shinae starts her shift at the Wac is one of my FAVORITES. I always feel like it’s the clearest representation of this dynamic, too, of how Nol tries to point himself away, tries to push that distance, but he can’t and he even admits why! Nothing will stop him from caring - she has just wormed her way into his life, wormed her way into his heart. He cares about what happens to her, how she’s treated, how she’s doing, how she’s feeling. He cares and he can’t just stop being her friend! He cares and he can’t just pretend he doesn’t.

It must take a lot of effort for him to consciously be aware of this - having to be conscious about turning away from her, of creating that space that’s so hard maintain.

None of it was supposed to be real to matter and yet here he is, helpless against her, unable to stop himself from caring.

To Nol’s credit, we do see him trying to make more effort - but also to his credit, the harder he tries to pull away, the harder Shinae fights. It’s funny and kind of ironic, because he’s one of the reasons she’s trying so hard. He’s the one who has helped her see value in herself and to open up and rely on others, and as a result, she’s practicing all of her new friend skills on him. How is he supposed to keep pushing her away when she’s literally calling him out (because she now knows him well enough to do that!) AND she’s making him talk through things.

Shinae doesn’t want another Alyssa repeat and she’s not going to let Nol get away with just pulling away without an explanation. What else can he do?

I like that’s really surprised he actually stayed - he could have faked a call from Nana that he had to head home, could have found some other excuse. But she demanded he would wait and he gave her his word.

I love them ;A;

Time and time again, she disarms him. Time and time again his resolve is put to the test and fails when it concerns his feelings, how much he cares, what kind of significance she has to him. Shinae saying out loud that their friendship must not have meant anything being the trigger that makes him finally act on what he always denies himself - a hand reaching out to her over and over that never makes contact, that he always talks himself out of finally making contact and pulling her into that tight, clinging embrace. On the one hand, we know it began as fake, that it wasn’t supposed to mean anything and certainly not to him.

But we know it was so real. We know that there was a moment where he went from trying to help Dieter, to trying to help her instead, to befriending her for his own enjoyment. It was all so very real, even if it hurts in the end. It was all so real to him and even if he needs her to be angry at him, even if he (thinks he) needs to walk away and leave all of this behind, he still can’t bear to have her think none of it meant anything, none of it was real, none of it mattered when it mattered so much to him. When it mattered so much that he finally embraced her!!!!!!!

EVEN IN THIS MOMENT! HIS RESOLVE CRUMBLES. And though he’s able to pull himself together enough to do what he set out to do, let’s not forget that it was only because he was reminded her of injury, of what he believes was the culmination of him befriending someone and pulling them into the nightmare wake he leaves where he goes. It was only because he was reminded that she could have been another life taken from him that he was able to walk away.

(And yknow. Proceeded to retch as a result. alfjakfjkafjkafjk)

He goes as far as blocking Shinae, Dieter, and Soushi, because he knows he’ll cave. Because he can’t bear to see their messages, to ignore their calls, to see how much they are trying how hard they are fighting and reaching out, because just like when Shinae questioned if any of it was real, he knows he’ll cave. He has to implement a means of denying himself access to them, to nearly physically block them out.

And yet, in that moment, at a party he doesn’t want to be at on a day he doesn’t want to exist on the eve of him serving time for a crime he doesn’t deserve, he goes and looks at his spam.

He knows what’s in there waiting for him. He knows what he’s going to see.

He still does it, anyway.

And there she is, a message received just now about feelings he feels but thinks he isn’t allowed that he shouldn’t have.

I love this pathetic man, please I need more.

He tries SO hard, even after hearing Shinae’s unprompted love soliloquy heartfelt sentimental explanation of what Nol means to her, to turn his back, but he can’t.

His mother’s words are right there, and though they aimed for Rand, they come to land with him. The world can’t punish you forever. Does he not deserve their love, their friendship, the people who matter to him? Does he not deserve to be left alone by the world, to live his life as much as anyone else?

Even when everything he fears lingers over him - he’ll regret this because nothing good comes of indulging, because nothing good comes from letting them in because not only does it put them in danger but it makes it harder and harder for him.

Like, not to be cheesy but we already know I am so - every time he lets them down, every time he breaks their hearts, he breaks his own, too.

There’s no more fighting it. There’s only them and an empty hospital room, and a rare of sense of peace and calm, his head on her shoulder, finding comforting (literally) leaning on someone for once. For one moment, he grants himself an opportunity to stop trying to be so strong, to give in to seeking comfort.

When she reassures him he’s not at Hirahara Memorial and he actually turns his face in towards the crook of her neck? Allowing himself to indulge in this peace in this comfort in this warmth?

GODDDDDDDD I love it he deserves it I want MORE

And just like that, he’s no longer fighting. I’m including these even though it’s not really a “Nol tried to refrain and failed in the end” because a. we deserve them and b. I think by virtue of Nol acting on his desires and indulging in what he wants while Soushi and Dieter are sleeping in the bed on the other side of them counts enough for this list. Because refraining is no longer on the brain. Because everything Shinae does disarms him and he can’t even pretend to keep the wall up anymore.

Shinae gets so embarrassed about giving him her gift because she feels like it pales compared to what Dieter did, but probably also because there is a sense of sentimentality to it as well, and it doesn’t miss Nol. It’s the fact that it’s their Orange of Fate, what she drew on his face, and the words she uttered when they first met that have now been taken back.

It’s how he went from being told all people suck that she wants no friendship to chasing him outside of his school and fighting so hard for him, calling and texting and trying to reach him, it’s how she took advantage of the opportunity when it presented itself to tell him how she feels and what he means and she got so shy about him seeing this gift and it strikes him so much because he knows what he means to her and she means it, too, she’s that special to him, too

And the hand that earlier in the night reached for the spot she denied him does it once again and this time his fingers are in her hair, this time he’s so close in her space, this time he doesn’t deny himself what he wants and what he wants is to be so close to her, what he wants is to stay in this dream as long as he possibly can

And the most indulgent of them all.

Let’s not pretend this is not for him. Let’s not pretend this is the most indulgently he’s ever acted on what he wants. Shinae outrules fullbody dancing and he’s like oh bet? lmaoooooo

He wants the dance. He wanted it back in Minhyuk’s room before Kousuke showed up and everything went to hell. He wants it now and he’s acting on it. There’s no reason - present in his mind lol - for him to refuse what he wants.

He has refrained SO MUCH. He has refrained for SO LONG. So many times he reached out to her. The dance offer at the Kim formal that Kousuke stared him down into rejecting. Every time he’s felt suffocated by the weight of the world, by the burden of the guilt he carries, by the inherent belief that he’s a monster incapable of providing good, every time he’s been reminded he only brings people pain, every little moment that reminds him he doesn’t deserve any of the things he seeks out, the enjoyment he indulges in. So much of it has weighed him down and in that moment he acts on it

on what he wants

on what he needs

on what he feels

He acts on the feelings that she is special that she brings him comfort that he wants and wants when she’s in his proximity

He acts on the dream from which he’s afraid to wake and he asks her to dance with him

Despite his back injury. Despite the whole night reminding him that pain follows him wherever he goes. Despite their friends sleeping just a bed over.

He gives in and he indulges.

Honorable mention goes to Nol staying outside Shinae’s door at Hirahara Memorial, despite this being a place of trauma and fear for him, despite how much he hates hospitals, despite Kousuke sending him away. It gets honorable mention because I acknowledge part of what compels him to stay outside her door is that he feels so guilty and he needs to see/know for himself that she’s okay - but I think it still counts because of just how compelling it is for him. That this is a person he has grown to care about so much already, a person who we now know he literally is alive for/because, since it was only when he saw her in the pool that he determined he couldn’t stay down there and had to return to the surface to save her, to carry on as Yeonggi for a little longer.

He stays outside her hospital room because he can’t help it.

He could go home, he could change out of his damp clothes, he could crawl into bed and try to forget this whole nightmare of a night, if only for a few hours, but instead he stays outside her room, unable to leave.

At every opportunity, Nol is so compelled by Shinae.

He cannot deny her.

If Shinae wants it, he will ultimately yield it to her like he has his heart.

I’m being good and not including anything from 231 but JUST YOU WAIT FOR THE FOLLOW UP, especially those of you who don’t fast pass. JUST YOU WAIT.

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Stalkyoo #Aegi #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #I would howl in the tags but I've already done my howling throughout this post lmao #this is my FAVORITE Stalkyoo dynamic #i love how Shinae disarms him and he admits little bits of truth #i love how she gets to him in a way no one else has simply by SEEING him #simply by caring about him #because no one else does it like her and when she does it just pierces him #how can he help but want more #how can he help but indulge #how can he help but fall for this person he can never truly turn away from #this person to who he's always drawn #he tries to turn away to face away and next thing he knows his whole body is angled towards her occupying the same space #the way he physically NEEDS to be near her and doesn't always clock it LMAO #WHEN HE PUT HIS FINGERS IN HER HAIR LIKE THAT AFLKJAFAFJLAFJAKLAFKAFJALJAFKJAF #AFLJAFLKJAFLKJFKLJLFAF #AFLJAFLKAJFKAFJAF #I HAVEN'T RECOVERED OKAY #i love him i love them #i love that he cannot deny her he cannot resist her #he has seen the forest for the trees and god they are so majestic god they are so beautiful and fantastical #HOWLS

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