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jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue · 3 years

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Is there somewhere - BTS royal / bodyguard au Drabble part 4

So after this I was thinking of writing some prequels to the Drabble series before moving ahead with time and the challenges these lovely characters would face ongoing. Same with the CEO drabbles, as always let me know what you think {angst and fluff ahead}

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You hadn’t seen them for a month. You told yourself you were glad, that it didn’t hurt you that they gave up. You asked them to leave, you would stick by that, and this proved you right.

These things happened for a reason, you tell yourself, and while life was still a dense cloud hanging over you, it didn’t rain. Since that night trouble stopped following you, no one approached you in the clubs, the paparazzi stopped following you, you felt safe again, by yourself without any bodyguards.

“I haven’t seen you in so long Y/n,” your childhood friend sat across from you at a little quaint cafe in the town closest to your castle. You would have invited her to your place but the mess increased tenfold, that being said, you think your father must be sending people to clean while you were out. He hadn’t said anything about it, you were grateful he hadn’t, you weren’t ready to have that conversation with the King. He was always too busy for you, so this gesture came as a shock.

“I’ve missed you Y/n,” Sana says taking your hand in hers and squeezing it earnestly. “I’ve been worried about you.”

“You don’t need to worry I’m okay,” you say reassuringly.

“Y/n it’s a cloudy day and you’re wearing sunglasses,” you take by her sarcasm she doesn’t sound convinced.

“I’ve got a headache that’s all,” you bury your head behind the brunch menu, pretending to look over the options as she hums in response. It had been years but she still knew you well, and this was nothing like you were.

“Who hurt my friend?” She asks reading through your behaviour like she read the newspaper articles about it online, hence the impromptu visit from half a world away despite her own busy schedule.

“Doesn’t matter, it’s in the past,” and yet it’s still so present. The wound might be healing but it was leaving a red swollen scar in its place.

She lets the subject drop noticing how your shield goes up.

“Your bodyguard is really hot, if you wanted to invite him in to join us I wouldn’t mind,” she wiggles her eyebrows playfully, trying to lighten the mood but her words have the opposite effect on you.

“My what?” You breathe, you don’t have bodyguards. You turn to face where her eyes are set behind you and sure enough, outside the glass windows trying to look conspicuous is a man in a suit you’d recognise anywhere. You hate how your heart starts to ache as it beats faster, how there’s a hum of electricity starting to burn under your skin.

“Is that not your bodyguard? You used to talk about them so much, that’s....” she squints her eyes at the male, who bows his head in panic realising he’s been caught. “Jin! Right?”

Every time you FaceTimed Sana one of the boys would be with you, not on the screen unless it was Jin or Jimin but professionally standing out of the cameras range staying with you trying not to smile as you gushed about them with her, begging one of them to say hello. Yoongi and Taehyung were the only ones to ever give in. They would say hello shyly before standing at their post, Jin and Jimin on the other hand would sit on the bed or sofa with you. Jimin would make you blush and tease you while talking to Sana, Jin would tell her all your bad habits and complain about you playfully. Namjoon and Hobi never gave in, you were close to breaking Jungkook’s resolve before he left.

“I’ll be right back,” you say to her, rising from your seat to walk to the guilty looking male who’s ears have turned red. He says something in his sleeve and you realise the others must be close by or at least contactable. It all suddenly makes sense, you hadn’t seen them, but that didn’t mean they weren’t there. The house, your father was far too busy to burden himself with your mess, the sudden calm around you where normally there’d be a bustle of cameras and people.

“Princess,” he greets you bashfully, embarrassed for getting caught and complicating things. “Funny seeing you here, I was just waiting for a friend...”

“Liar,” you whisper, but it’s loud enough to shut him up.

“I can explain,” his cheeks are going red like his ears, you don’t know what you feel. There’s an emptiness that presents its self in his presence, like your body is trying to protect itself by going numb, even though your heart is begging you not to.

“I don’t want to hear it right now,” you close your eyes at the wave of sadness that overwhelms you. “I think you need to leave.”

You repeat your words from a month ago and it still cuts through him the same as it did then.

“I can’t...” he shuffles awkwardly from foot to foot.

“Jin you’re not my bodyguard anymore, this is harassment,” your cold eyes pierce through him but he stands strong against your onslaught.

“Actually...” he tries to chuckle but it dies as soon as it leaves his mouth. “Well you see, w-we- no your father... the king,” there’s a pause as he clears his throat and his hesitation irritates you.

“We’ve been reinstated as your bodyguards by order of the King,” a new voice behind you saves the stuttering man in front. You can’t help the fists form at your side as your mouth sets itself in a line. You turn to face Namjoon with a stern expression.

“No.” He knew you’d be stubborn, he knew it was a little underhanded of them, but after that day they couldn’t leave you like this. They would give you space, hope they could redeem themselves slowly, but they also had to keep you safe. They didn’t care you were next in line for the throne, they didn’t care their feelings for you were inappropriate in their line of work, you meant the world to them, you were their friend, and they couldn’t leave you again.

“I’m really sorry Princess, but the decisions been made,” he answers you sincerely. “We won’t get in your way, you won’t know we’re here, bu-”

“I said no,” your lips are tight, eyes enraged as you clench your jaw. He sighs, but he knows it would take time to heal the rift between you and the seven men.

You were right when you thought the rest of them were close behind, Yoongi and Jimin walk into your field of vision behind Namjoon, blazers buttoned, Jimin’s hair jelled back, Yoongi’s hand in his pocket. The sight takes you back and it knocks your confidence a little.

“Well that’s treason Princess,” Yoongi reasons with a small smirk forming on his face. “I guess that would get rid of us for you, being beheaded by the King.”

You shake your head is disbelief, a big sigh leaving your lips as you close your eyes to gather strength.

“I can’t do this right now,” you walk away back to your friend who’s eyes haven’t left the interaction. “I’ll deal with this later.”

——————————————————————————

You wonder what happened to their promise to stay out of sight and out of mind the following Saturday.

Maybe you walked through the bad part of town on purpose, maybe you wanted to piss them off or put yourself in danger, maybe you just wanted some control. A man that looks like trouble wolf whistles as you walk in his direction, and you smile like he’s your salvation. You don’t make it another two steps as a hand grabs your arm forcefully. You turn to find an angry Hoseok glaring at the man now cat calling you before turning his glare to you, nostrils flared like a bull about to charge.

You physically have to stop yourself from gulping at his aura, you know if pushed Hobi would cause harm to anyone that disrespected you. His grip on your arm tightens as the man doesn’t stop yelling profanities at you, he’s obviously intoxicated not that it excused his behaviour. Hobi hadn’t spoken a word, you can see him trying to ground himself and his anger, starting to lose his control, trying to regain his cool.

The guilt washes over you at his gaze, your smirk long gone as you struggle to keep eye contact. He hasn’t seen your face soften like this in so long, a glimpse of the old you coming back with concern.

“Hobi I’m sorry,” you whisper. “Let’s just go.”

His eyes are shut and he’s shaking with fury, at the man, at you, at himself.

“Hobi please,” you cup his cheek with your palm, stroking your thumb against his skin, feeling panic rising in yourself. The man is in front of you both now and you feel shame for making such a stupid decision. You press your forehead against his jaw as he stares daggers at the man.

“Your boyfriend giving you problems sexy?” He wears a shit eating grin as he speaks. “You looking for a bit of fun?”

Your touch calms your bodyguard enough to clear the haze of anger that threatens to attack the man where he stands. He releases a big breath before taking your wrist and walking you both away, pace unforgiving.

He still doesn’t say a word as you both get to the car, he pulls open the backseat door aggressively, looking at you expectedly. You don’t argue, you don’t scoff, you don’t walk away. Your eyes are round, looking up at him, begging for forgiveness. How the tables turn.

You get in without complaint, flinching as he slams the door shut. He gets into the drivers seat, putting his seat belt on before staring at you through the rear view mirror, jaw still clenched. You look lost, he hasn’t started the car and he hasn’t stopped staring at you.

“The seatbelt Y/n,” it’s a low growl and you quickly move to lock yours in place at his tone. Your heart is beating so fast you think it’s trying to escape. You don’t blame it, your hands are curled on your knees like a child ready to be scolded and you can’t look ahead as he pulls off.

——————————————————————————

You didn’t say a word the whole journey, scared a single sound would set him off. His grip was unrelenting on the wheel, you don’t think he cooled down at all even though he made sure he wasn’t driving recklessly with you in the car.

He doesn’t take you back to the castle, he takes you to their place. They rarely used to be at home when they worked for you, the castle was large enough for them to stay and they had no reason not to. You hesitate to leave the vehicle when Hobi opens the door for you, he’s patient even through his fury. He holds a hand out for you to take like they used to.

You want to ask him what you’re doing here, why he’s brought you, but you decide to take his hand and let him lead you indoors.

“Princess?” It’s odd to see Jungkook in his normal clothes, to see any of them in their casual wear, it looks homely. They all stare between you and Hobi, looking confused as you both walked into the living room.

You were staring at the floor as he explained where you were when he was on duty, the others now looked at you in shock and disappointment. It was hard for you to hear too, like he was talking about someone else, another girl, you wished the ground would swallow you whole.

“Princess this really has to stop,” it’s Jimin that breaks the silence after Hobi’s speech. His usual sweet disposition was wiped away with worry. “I get it, we messed up, but you can’t keep doing this to yourself Y/n.”

You don’t raise your head to meet his words, you stay with your eyes down and feet cemented where you stood. There’s a finger under your chin but you move your head to the side to avoid it bringing your face up.

“We’re really sorry,” Taehyung whispers beside you.

They blamed themselves for everything you had been through since the moment they left, but how could they undo it, how could they make this okay? His words don’t comfort you, they hurt you, they bring up the night they left all over again. But you feel the sincerity in his words, how hoarse it sounds, filled with every desire to turn the clock back. It brings tears to your eyes, it makes you choke on the emotion rising in your throat. You want it to be okay too, but you couldn’t erase the abandonment they left you with.

There’s a hand rubbing your back soothingly as your bottom lip trembles and your shoulders shake trying to keep the sobs down.

“It’s okay,” the hand on your back moves to your hair, and Taehyung rests his lips on your temple as he speaks. “We hurt you Princess, shout at us, let it out, cry, just stop holding it in.”

If you did as he said it would make you vulnerable again, you’d be letting them in and you don’t know if you’re ready for that. But he wasn’t wrong, holding all the pain down without a healthy form of release was making that gaping hole in your chest erode the rest of you away.

“I’m-m s-so a-angry-” you struggle to get your words out, having to take a shallow breathe with each word as they came out in a sob and it physically hurt you to speak. “At all o-of you.”

Tae’s crying too, Jungkook’s behind you but you can hear him sniffle. You lean into the Taehyung, pushing your face into his neck as you close your eyes and break down, he doesn’t hesitate to bring his arms around you when you think you’re about to fall.

“You had each other,” you wail, not caring at how deranged you sounded. “I had no one, you left me when I was injured!” Your head drops to his chest as you bang your fist against Taehyung’s chest finally letting it all out, and he takes it without bracing himself for each hit. “I needed you and you guys broke me.

Who was I supposed to talk to? Do you know how ridiculous it sounds to the people of my world. My bodyguards abandoned me, so fucking what? Get new ones.”

You grip his top that’s stained with your tears, you’re so angry, so heartbroken and the only people that would listen and help where the ones to cause you this pain.

“But you weren’t just my guards, you were my friends and I thought you all felt the same.”

There’s a whisper of “we do” but you ignore it.

They’ve never seen you like this, not when Taeyeon revealed her true colours, not when Sana moved away, you had said goodbye to people before, it was a part of life but nothing compared to when they left you, and you knew why, you just didn’t want to admit to it out loud. You didn’t want their pity, the pathetic Princess who had no friends who fell in love with her knights in shining armour, the people who were employed to ensure your safety. Misplaced feelings because you had no one else, you could hear Namjoon’s lecture already. They had never see you that way, if they had they wouldn’t have left.

If only you knew the thoughts running through the rest of their brains, how could they tell you they were compromised, that they broke your trust by falling for you, that every protocol dictated to them in their training stated they couldn’t keep a charge safe if they had feelings for them, they had to resign. Looking back it was the worst decision they ever made, but at the time it seemed like the most appropriate.

You scoff through your tears, “if you felt the same you would’ve at least come to see me, but you didn’t, you would’ve at least called or texted but you blocked my number, I tried to contact you everyday for the first two weeks and it was like you all didn’t exist anymore.”

There’s a grasp softly pulling you out of Taehyung’s hold and he whines as you’re taken away. Namjoon’s eyes are red, he looks like he’s on the brink of tears himself, but he holds it together.

“We’re so sorry Y/n,” he could never stop saying it, even if he did earn your forgiveness it could never assuage the guilt that weighed on them. “We honestly thought it was the right thing to do, if we kne-”

“On what planet was that ever the right thing to do Joon?” You cut him off, you didn’t want excuses.

“We made a mistake, leaving you was a mistake but we made one before that,” you frown at his words, what mistake? He contemplates his words but there’s no way mince them, no way to make what he’s about to say any easier. He’s not trying to make excuses, he’s not trying to justify his behaviour he just wanted to be honest. “We fell in love with our charge, the biggest offence we could commit, the biggest threat to your safety was us.”

He watches your eyes go wide as tears streamed down your face, he waited for your disgust, your displeasure.

“We are so in love with you Princess, it killed us to leave you but you have to believe me when I say we thought it was for the best.”

You can’t breathe. He wants you to say something, he needs you to say something, anything. You just stare at him in disbelief until you find the words to speak.

“Are you so stupid?” You gasp, gaze flickering to all their faces, theyre holding their breaths. “Are you all so blind that you couldn’t see that I was in love with you too?”

It was Namjoon’s turn to stare at you in disbelief, their jaws dropped.

“How stupid could you be Namjoon! Did you even think for a seco-” your voice is muffled by his chest as he pulls you into him, and he finally lets himself cry. You were right he was so stupid, he always prided himself on his intellect but look at the mess he made. He holds you like he’d never let you go, tight like you’d disappear in his arms.

“I’m so sorry Y/n, I’m so sorry,” he whimpers and it breaks your heart, you’ve never heard the leader sound like this. You sigh deeply in his arms, warmth finally starting to fill the hole.

“It’ll be alright Joonie,” you hug him back and he’s so grateful for you in that moment. “We’ll work through it.”

You have to believe that you will. More arms wrap around you both, tears of relief, tears of hope mixed with apologetic whispers, words of comfort. You feel the warmest you have in months.

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krreader · 4 years

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EXO reacting to you, a foreign idol, receiving hate after your relationship went public.

pairing: exo x foreign idol!reader fandom: exo warnings: language ; racism genre: angst ; fluff word count: 1.5k+

a/n: I wish the reality were a lot different, but with jongdae having received so much backlash.. god I just hope people will leave them all alone and let them love in peace.

kim minseok

Concerts were supposed to be a fun time for both idols, as well as fans.

But seeing stuff like this always made Minseok regret his career choices.

All he could do was stare at the racist sign that a fan was holding up in disbelief, maybe even a little bit of sadness and disappointment that one of his fans was behaving like so.

His band members must have seen his reaction, Junmyeon, as the leader instantly nodding towards the fan and a manager handled the rest from there.

She was gone, but what she had written on that sign was branded in his memory.

“You okay?” you asked later that night when you joined him in bed.

Minseok opened his mouth and looked at you, but then he closed it again and smiled, shaking his head a little, “Just tired.”

This wasn't something that you needed to know. He wanted to protect you from that world of hate as much as possible.

kim junmyeon

Junmyeon was so busy bowing to the artists that passed him that he didn't even notice your band being among them at first.

But the moment his eyes landed on you, his smile instantly widened.

PDA wasn't exactly something you could do here and you both knew it, neither of you was this stupid.

But the smile that Junmyeon had only reserved for you seemed to be enough to start a shit-storm online.

“Why is he only smiling at her like that? It's disgusting.”

“Does she think she's special or something? Somebody remind her that she's not.”

“Can she just go back to where she came from? It’s annoying me.”

Were just examples of hatefulness spread in online forums and the likes. But Junmyeon made sure that you wouldn't read them.

Right after the award show, he and you decided to – instead of going to the after-party – go straight home and just enjoy some alone time together.. without your phones.

You knew he was looking out for you when every time you wanted to check your messages, he pulled you closer and kissed you instead and every time you’d ask why, he’d just laugh and tell you that he couldn’t get enough of you.

And well.. his strategy worked.

zhang yixing

Yixing must have thought that with him barely being a part of EXO's promotions anymore, that fans would lay off of him and you.

Maybe give him a pass and let him live and love in peace.

That's why he brought you to the film premiere as his date, because he truly thought it would be fine.

But damn, fans were viscous.

The moment he and you stepped out of the car, they were screaming at you to get back to where you came from and it was.. a mess, to say the least.

Nevertheless, Yixing was proud to have you by his side and every chance he got for an interview, he mentioned it, wanting to show these “fans” that their racism wouldn't change his opinion on you in the slightest and that it was absolutely not appropriate here or anywhere else.

But he knew that this night wasn't easy for you, even if you smiled throughout the entire time and he was glad when it was finally over again and you were back home in the safety of your own four walls. There, he could at last wrap his arms around you and hold you close as you were finally allowed to shed a few tears.

“I'm so sorry,” he kept whispering into your hair, “I love you so much, never forget it.”

byun baekhyun

“Are you even able to communicate?” one of the interviewers asked Baekhyun after the topic of you and him having started dating came up.

And the question caught him off guard because, “You've.. talked with her.. lots of times before? And she spoke.. perfect Korean?”

“Well, yeah, but it's just.. she's not Korean.”

It was so stupid and everyone in the room knew it. Some of his band members snorted, others even started laughing, while Baekhyun just really didn't know what else to say to this.

“I think you handled it well,” you said later that night when you sat down next to him on the couch, “They just want gossip and they'll do anything to get it.”

“I just wish they'd stop disregarding you so much just because you’re not Korean.”

“My confidence is a lot bigger than they think,” you smiled and kissed his forehead, “I'll be fine, babe. You don’t have to worry about me,”

He pulled you into his arms with a sigh and held you there until the world felt like a better place again.

kim jongdae

Jongdae put down his phone with a heavy sigh after having read yet another headline that was so similar to all the ones before.

“South Korean idol Kim Jongdae dating foreign idol (Y/N) and fans aren't happy about it.”

It was a Korean article and people knew, even by his name alone, that Jongdae was Korean, but they still had to emphasize it.. because you weren't. And that was apparently an issue.

“How are you?” he texted you later.

“I'm okay, don't worry about me,” you replied only a few minutes later.

“But I am worrying. Don't read the articles, okay?”

“I'm fine, Jongdae, really. Media can suck my non-existing dick.”

After reading that line, Jongdae immediately started to smile and nod to himself.

You were right.

The media could sick his dick too.

park chanyeol

“What are you doing?” Chanyeol leaned down to press a kiss against the back of your head, his eyebrows furrowing when you were watching one of his music videos.

“Nothing..”

But from the way your voice sounded and the fact that your shoulders were slumped when you walked into the kitchen, it really didn't look like nothing.

So he followed you and pestered you for as long as it took for you to finally tell him what was bothering you.

“People keep comparing us to you guys. Saying that we have fewer views and that we're less popular and that it's all my fault.”

“(Y/N), they're just jealous.”

“I know.. but our relationship.. it's ruining my group's image, Chanyeol. These girls have worked so hard and it's..-” you let out a heavy sigh and shook your head.

“Hey,” he took a step closer and grabbed your chin to make you look at him, “Nobody is ruining anything, especially not you. You are an essential part of your group and without you, they'd lose an important puzzle piece.”

He must have known that you were hinting at leaving the group, but that wasn't something that Chanyeol would stand by and just watch. You had worked hard too.. and he wouldn't let you stop now just because some jealous idiots thought they had the power to destroy your life.

do kyungsoo

“I'm sure the situation isn't easy for you,” his new make-up artist said as she was doing the finishing touches on his face, “In regards to (Y/N), I mean.”

He didn't want to talk about it, but he appreciated her concern, so he said: “Thank you.”

“It's not easy when someone clings to you so hard that you can't get rid of them. I've been there.. but you'll escape the relationship eventually.”

That had him stare at her with confusion, “Wait... what?”

“I heard foreigners are extremely clingy... that's probably why.”

Needless to say, she had her job for exactly one day.

Kyungsoo wouldn't work with a racist, especially not one that disrespected his girlfriend like that.

kim jongin

They were doing a fan sign right now, the first one after Jongin's and your relationship got exposed.

He had been incredibly nervous beforehand, but so far, everyone was nothing but kind to him. Nobody had even mentioned you.

Until one fan came up.

“Don't you think you should find someone like yourself?”

Jongin stopped writing on her album momentarily, his eyes still on his writing, but then he continued with his signature with a smile, “She is like myself. An idol. An artist.”

“But she's a foreigner. She's not really like us.”

Jongin clenched his jaw, then looked up with a sweet, but very fake smile, “She's a human being. A very kind one. I hope that can be respected.”

The girl would have liked nothing more than to argue with him about this, but the manager ushered her to keep going and Jongin was with the next fan that was a lot nicer than the one before.

He was just glad that you hadn't been here to listen to what she had said.

oh sehun

“Hey, I just wanted to call you,” Sehun smiled as he accepted your call, but when he could hear you cry, he instantly froze, “What happened?”

“Are you sure this is good, Sehun? I don't think anyone approves.”

“What do you mean?” he furrowed his eyebrows and quickly hurried into an empty corridor where he could speak to you in peace.

“The fans.. your fans, they all.. hate me.”

Sehun let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes for a moment.

So you had read all the nasty comments.

“(Y/N), don't read them. The people that write these things are not in their right state of mind. These people don't matter.”

Of course, it was easier for Sehun to just say these things as he was not the victim in this situation, at least not directly. But he still felt for you, of course he did, he loved you. All he could do was be there for you and continuously tell you and show you just how much you meant to him.

Your nationality didn't change that, despite what other people seemed to think

#exo scenario #exo imagine #exo reaction #exo x reader #exo #reader #requests #kpop imagine #kpop scenario #kpop reaction

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fxckitup-buttercup · 4 years

Note

“Girl let me love you And I will love you Until you learn to love yourself.” from Ne-Yo’s Let me love you.

sorry this took so long but i wanted to make sure i got this right for you! i know you like angst so i tried to make this angsty for you, my friend! ❤️❤️❤️ warning: online bullying

You felt love for everyone.

Everyone but yourself.

Someone could compliment you and your reaction was always, “Thank you, but that’s not right!” You would always laugh it off with the biggest smile. You never broke down no matter what happened.

People thought you might be with someone who more matched your levels of innocence. None of them ever thought that you would be with the Red Devil himself, Karma Akabane.

He was so completely sinful everyone was worried he’d corrupt you. You didn’t have to worry about that. You knew he loved his pranks and always listened to his crazy stories. There was a new one everyday.

Throughout your entire relationship, you made sure to keep your head high and your smile wide. Karma had never seen you once break down in any way.

Something that he was overly used to was you surprising him with a picture. He knew that you used social media even if he didn’t. You really did love to take pictures of places you and your friends would go for fun and post them.

There were always issues that you would face due to being online but you would never bother anyone with them.

There was one day when Karma was hanging out with a few of his classmates. Nagisa had gotten a notification on his phone that you had recently posted a picture on one of your platforms. Now, Karma always loved to have pictures of you on his phone so he had asked to see it.

Nagisa handed his phone over - something he rarely did because it was Karma. “Please just don’t fuck up my phone again,” he said with a nervous laugh.

Karma scoffed and waved aside the concern. He scrolled through your feed, smiling at how happy you looked in the pictures. There was one picture that he couldn’t help but stare at. You were wearing an outfit that you had been really happy to put together. The comments grabbed his attention.

xxxx: that outfit just makes you look fat

xxxxxxx: protip! dont smile

xxxxxx: how are you able to have a boyfriend when you look like dog shit?

The comments went on like that. Karma went to other posts and found that there were some like that under every post.

At that point, he was livid. He wanted to find each and every person who made those comments and make them pay. He wanted to literally smash their heads into the cold, hard, pavement.

No one should ever disrespect someone he’s close to, especially you. Karma handed Nagisa his phone back. “I have to go,” he said quickly. He grabbed his stuff and called you, worry picking at him.

His mind was racing. He knew that you were struggling with your body image and that these comments weren’t helping. Why didn’t you come to him? Why didn’t you tell him about what was wrong?

As soon as Karma got to your house, he used the key you gave him to get inside. He knew you were going to be here - your last picture was of you in your room. He made his way to your room, knocking before opening your door.

You weren’t inside but he could hear you. You were letting out soft cries and he could hear it. “(Y/N)? Babe, are you okay?” he called out. Karma immediately went to the bathroom. The door was closed and locked, making an already worried Karma, even more worried. “(Y/N), please.” His voice was soft.

He heard you sigh from the other side. Your voice was shaky and uneven. “I’m…. I’m okay, Kar. You don’t have to worry about me,” you said from the other side.

Little did he know that you were in a downward spiral. The people telling you those awful things online. The feelings of dread you got whenever clothes didn’t fit. The feeling of not being good enough for Karma swallowed you up most.

You had no idea how you were able to get with a guy like Karma. He was so sweet and he loved you with all his heart. At least you hoped he did.

Karma didn’t want you to be alone. “I know you’re not okay. I know that you’re going through shit,” he said, leaning against the bathroom door. “I don’t want you to go through this alone.” You listened to his words, not wanting to say anything. “You shouldn’t listen to what those people say about you. They’re all wrong.”

You took a deep breath, trying to wipe away your tears as you heard him. His voice was filled with so much worry but held so much care in every word. You finally opened the door, causing Karma to almost fall to the ground if he had not gained his balance quickly.

Just as he was regaining his balance, he almost fell over again, getting tackled in your hug. You started to cry into his chest, holding onto him. He held onto you tightly, gently moving the two of you to the ground.

Karma hated to see you like this. He hadn’t ever wanted to see you so broken. “I promise…. (Y/N), I promise, I will love you and I will love you,” he whispered softly to you. “I will love you until you learn to love yourself and even after that.”

#love forgetting to add tags AGAIN #karma akabane #karma akabane x reader #karma #karma x reader #assclass #assassination classroom

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vinylhazza · 5 years

Note

please continue the one about ethan. what’s it like when he gets home? or when he starts getting hate for cheating? like did the fans get mad that he cheated on y/n, or were they mad at y/n for not “pleasing him”? does he try to get y/n back? what about the girl, what does she do? how does grayson feel about it? is he mad at ethan? i actually love this concept and all its angst

part 1 here

you had successfully removed all of your things from the house before the twins got home from Australia. you didn’t want to see ethans face or you’re afraid you might actually break into a million pieces.

you tried your hardest to think about moving on because you got played by someone you fell in love you. and love was never a word you used. it was a word reserved for family and someone that would one day treat you like a queen. but now all of the sudden when you think of that word...all you can see is ethans smile, and the way he fluffs his hair, or his puffy cheeks in the morning, or the way he chases you around the house when you steal his favorite hoodie - even if he ends up letting you keep it.

love is ethan.

you had sobbed for two days after you left, knowing they would be home soon and knowing that ethan was going to read the letter and know that he’d lost you. you didn’t even know if he would care. you just knew that your apartment felt cold and lonely. you knew that you hadn’t even really settled into the apartment because you had spent most of your time at the twins house. you knew that sleep was scarce without his arms to keep you warm and his steady breathing to lull you back to sleep.

you knew that breakfast was different without grayson singing off key and ethan stumbling in just as he smelt the bacon. you knew that seeing the twitter comments on your most recent tweet was so mixed that it hurt you more. some people were supporting you, saying things like:

“don’t worry baby he will realize how bad he fucked up!”

“honestly what did you expect?”

“australia does that to people don’t take it too personal”

“keep your head up, we are here for you”

“cheaters are honestly so disgusting i’m so sorry y/n”

“okay making up fake shit to try and frame him really isn’t cool”

“didn’t think it was that serious it’s literally a kiss on the cheek?”

“he’s not worth the tears babe!”

and it hurt. you knew how the fans were. you knew that they thought the twins could do no wrong and the majority would get angry for you even suggesting such a thing - even if you haven’t tweeted anything since you saw the pictures. it wasn’t in your nature to take your problems to the internet. let them think what you want, you were too heartbroken to care anyway. you had honestly thought about deleting social media all together until it dies down, but you wanted to torture yourself just a bit longer. it still felt like a dream you hoped you’d wake up from soon.

your days dragged on like a loop. get up, eat, go to work, come home, eat, scroll through your phone, get sad, cry in the shower, lay awake with bloodshot eyes, do it all over again.

you’d never felt true heartbreak. sure you’d had boyfriends before, but it was never like this. no one had ever made you feel this way in your entire life. you had never fallen in love, had never had your heart race from a single look. you had never been this head over heels. but you’d also never felt this low and hurt.

you had always thought he was too good for you anyway, but seeing it flash before your eyes in a series of four pictures was absolutely horrendous and had been playing in your head repeatedly since that day.

the girl in the pictures was apparently a friend of a friend of there’s, no one you had seen before. but she was nice enough to send you a short message in your inbox, trying to tell you that she you knew you were in a committed relationship and she knew she was being a bit too touchy - but nothing had happened between them and ethan never even thought about making a move on her. it was hard to believe, especially with seeing the pictures thousands of times and making up different scenarios of how he might have betrayed her.

when ethan walked through the door, he knew something was wrong. something was very very wrong.

it was cold. that was the first sign. it was freezing in the house and there was no scent of strawberries to be found.

he had seen all of the pictures and the drama, noticed all of the tweets and mixed opinions. he knew he fucked up. but it really wasn’t what everyone thought it was. yes the pictures were real, but they also weren’t pictures of him cheating on you. they were pictures of a girl he’d met in australia that had gotten a bit too comfortable and he was a bit too tipsy. no excuse for how touchy she was being, but it was the truth.

he wouldn’t play victim. he knew you had seen all of the pictures and tweets flying around the internet...but he’d thought you’d stick around to let him explain. he thought you would come at him in a blind rage when he walked in the door - pissed at him and yelling like he deserved. you were never the one to stay quiet when something upset you. that honestly would have been better than the feeling of this dark house looming in front of him.

he’d tried to text you the past couple of days, knowing it was hard because of the time zones, but also knowing you answered whenever you could. but there was nothing. not one message. you had blocked his number, sobbing while you pressed the button but knowing the best way to get over him was to block him out completely. easier said than done. there was always traces of him everywhere you looked -

he had also never seen his brother this mad at him in his entire life. no he didn’t condone the hateful messages being left to his brother online, but he did think that he deserved them on some level. grayson had yelled at ethan the entire way out of terminal at the airport.

“how fucking stupid are you e? this girl is completely fucking in love with you and you don’t even have the decency to call her and explain? you’ve been treating her like down right shit as it is and i’m honeslty surprised she hasn’t left your stupid ass,” grayson seethed at his older twin brother, yanking his bag off of the baggage claim and rolling it away with a huff, shaking it head.

he knew grayson was right. but he also knew that he was being this distant and giving you the cold shoulder for one reason and one reason alone. he had never been so in love. and he was scared out of his mind that it would all go away. he had already lost his dad this year and when he realizes that he would rather hear your laugh than his favorite song, he ran away. literally ran away from you to a different fucking country and acting foolish out of fear and self doubt.

grayson had every reason to be treating him like the stupidest man on earth. because he was. he was ruining the best thing he’d ever had out of a hunch that wasn't even true. the one thing that seemed to stick out to him in graysons little speech was “completely fucking in love with you”...there was no way you loved him back. you were everything he dreamed he would one day deserve. you were kind and caring, breathtakingly beautiful, supportive...everything he’s ever wanted in a woman. he had a thought cross his mind once that his dad made you two bump into each other in isle 3 at that grocery store - knowing you would be the one to help him through his hurt...but also giving his son the woman he was meant to love. the thought that his dad sent you to him had him crying in his car after the first date, feeling this weight in his heart, like his dad was with him that moment.

yeah you had been having fun and they had gotten unbelievably close over the past couple of months, but once he started ghosting you, he really was trying to make you hate him. he thought it was better for you to be mad and him to ghost her than fall for you and have you leave when he was already so invested. he couldn't lose anything else. it was scary and he didn’t want to be scared anymore. he wanted you to leave so you wouldn't have to realize he really wasn't shit.

little did he know you already did leave. walking through his empty, cold, sad house was a day that he would look back on and hate for the rest of his life. he and grayson had such a good time traveling around the world and getting away for a while that he didn’t even think about how he was making you feel. he couldn't have you coming along and being that pretty and taking his heart more and more than you already had - he needed to get away from you before it was too late.

but seeing that letter laying on the bed, folding neatly into a little square, he knew he had fucked up. looking around the room, his heart shattered, seeing no trace that you were ever even there. the closet was cleared of your clothes, toothbrush not resting in his usual place on the counter, book gone from its normal place on the nightstand. the only thing left to convince him it wasn't all a dream was that little folded piece of paper sat neatly against his pillow.

this was the moment you had been dreading, thinking about for the last three days. the moment ethan would finally realize just how much he hurt you, and just how in love you were with him. you didn't know if he was too far gone to care, or if he would try and contact you, but you needed to be strong. you owed yourself more than to be walked over by someone who showed you such a great deal of disrespect.

reading that letter was the hardest thing he ever had to do. tears were running down his face while he scanned over your words. he could feel your pain and read the cursive in your voice, your sweet voice that could get his heart racing faster than anything could. knowing how bad he had hurt you was the most painful feeling.

“p.s. I fell in love with you...” reading those words out loud hit him like a ton of bricks...he’d lost the best thing that had ever happened to him. you loved him? this was his goal, to have you angry, to have you leave before he could get too attached...but somehow this didn't feel like an accomplishment. it felt like huge mistake. it felt like he was a fucking idiot that wanted to hop in his car and chase after you right this very moment. it felt like he wanted to bang on your door until you opened it just so he could kiss you with all the force he had in his body - apologize for making you feel worthless. because you were anything but that. you were his everything. how could he fucking do this to you?

he was trying not the crumple the paper in his hands while he cried, imagining what you must have felt seeing those pictures that were so out of context. he tried to imagine what you felt when he didn't invite you on their adventures...all because he couldn't man up and admit that he wanted you forever. all because he was scared to have something good slip through the cracks again.

“I told you so,” grayson gloated from the door, disappointed in his brother, but hoping he would get his shit together and get in the fucking jeep to go after you like a real man.

ethan was silent, staring down at the letter like he forgot how to breathe, forgot how to think, forgot how to be the man you needed. he had been so broken for so long, how could he possibly fix this when you were the one that fixed him the first time?

“so what are you gonna do? break? or be the kind of man that dad always wanted us to be?” grayson said from behind him, laying a hand on his shoulder, saying what needed to be said. he needed those words of wisdom, and if their dad wasn't here to say it, then he would.

he made a mistake and you needed to know the truth. if he had to spend the rest of his life making this up to you and proving that he is the man worthy of your love, then that's what he would do. but what he isn't going to do, is disappoint his hero in the sky, the one man that told him to always be brave. to always choose love first. he refused to go against everything his dad believed in. he refused to let you get away without a fight - without knowing how much he adored you. he refused to have grayson look at him like a wounded puppy any longer. the answer was quite simple really.

“i’m going to get her back.”

tags: @dolandolll @dolanshellyes @justanothergirl-80 @ebbach-03 @ardordolan @justordinaryjen @aquadolan @graysavant @graydolan12

#asks #e!concepts #ethan!concepts #broken!ethan

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lifeisntafantasy · 4 years

Text

Not Home

TW: Unsympathetic!Virgil (i think thats what it would count as?), suicide, toxic(?) family, mentions of violence, mention of self harm, crying, suicidal thoughts, slight self hate, yelling/arguing, swearing/cursing. Please tell me if there is anything that I missed.

Word Count: 3,935.

Patton bounced his leg as the end of the school day approached. He just had to push through this last hour then he didn't have to fake a smile anymore. He could walk home by himself, and he could go home and maybe sleep. Sleep sounded like a lovely option. His guardian might not be home, even if she was she might not be awake. So he could probably go to sleep when he gets home.

Home... No Patton wouldn't call it that. He was told home is where your heart is, meaning where you loved with all of your heart. Somewhere you could feel safe and loved and wanted. If he were going by that definition, he would never call that place home. No, it's the place he temporarily resided. Everything would get better eventually. Maybe. Hopefully.

Patton opened his laptop and decided to text his online friend, Virgil. They had been messaging for almost two years, and Virgil always made him smile. Virgil was so amazing and Patton would do anything for Virgil. Patton wished he could fly to wherever Virgil was so he could hug him. But he probably wouldn't be able to until got a job and earned money for a plane ticket, but he couldn't get a job yet because he wasn't allowed to.

Patton: Heyyyyy

Patton sighed and looked at the time. He still had another forty minutes in school.

"Mr. Foster, do you know the answer?" Patton's science teacher asked him.

Without even looking up from his laptop, watching to see when Virgil answers, he responded, "No I don't."

Patton's teacher sighed, "Really? You don't know what the phases of mitosis are?"

Patton didn't respond to the teacher, so he just turned and asked another student. Just as Patton was about to stop watching his messages between Virgil, the latter sent a response.

Virge: Hey Pat. What's up?

Patton smiled genuinely as he typed in his response.

Patton: The sky lol

Virge: I should've seen that coming lol. I meant how are you Pat?

Patton: I'm exhausted. And a bit sad. But both of those will probably be fixed when I get to go home and sleep.

Virge: Your guardian isn't gonna be there again?

Patton: Probably not. Or she'll be asleep and that means I can sleep until she wakes up at least. And my siblings will be home, but they can survive a couple hours while I sleep.

Virge: That's good. You need sleep. Goodness knows how long you stay up at night. And people say I'm a night owl lol

Patton: Ye I need to sleep. I'm exhausted.

Patton smiled and looked at the time. It went by very fast since he was texting Virgil. He only had about seven minutes until he had to go home. He couldn't wait to sleep so he didn't have to worry about anything and he didn't have to think about anything. It was going to be great.

Patton: I have to walk home now and I'm gonna go to sleep, so I'll probably text you in a couple hours. Ttyl!

Virge: Talk to ya later. Have fun sleeping.

Patton: I will lol.

Patton sighed in relief as the school day ended and he slipped his school supplies into his backpack. All he had to do was walk home and then he could finally have a nap. Walking home would make him extra tired, so it would be easier for him to sleep. Patton pulled his backpack onto his shoulders and plastered a smile so fake that it hurt to use it. There was no way he could keep his smile on for long, so he quickly walked out of the school. No one lived by him so he didn't have to keep up this smile while walking.

As he walked home he listened to Billie Eilish's song Everything I Wanted. He liked the lyrics and it was a quiet enough song that he could hear the things around him.

Patton sighed as he got home; just as he suspected, his guardian wasn't at the house. His siblings were there, but they were already on their phones and just chilling around the house.

"Is there any food?" Patton asked his younger sister, Ruby. She shook her head and sighed.

"No. There's a box of macaroni and cheese that I can make if you want, but that's about it."

Patton shook his head, "No thanks. I was just wondering. I'm gonna go take a nap, but if you need me, wake me up, okay?"

Ruby nodded and looked back at her phone and Patton walked away to go to sleep. He slipped his shoes and backpack off and plopped onto his bed. He decided he wasn't going to change out of his jeans and t-shirt. He tugged on his hoodie, put on some music, and fell asleep almost immediately, not bothering to even get a blanket to stay warm.

A few hours later, Patton was awoken to the sound of shouting.

Oh great. The Wicked Witch of the West is here.

Patton took a deep breath and got out of bed, turning off his music and shoving his phone in his pocket. He knew his guardian would be angry he didn't do his chores, so he walked slowly to the living room, giving himself time to prepare his emotions. He hated breaking down in front of his guardian because she would get angry that he started crying and sometimes she would start to say things like, "Be quiet. There's no reason for you to be crying," or, "Why are you crying? No one hit you." Then she would proceed to hit him and continue to tell him to stop crying.

Patton looked at his guardian, Ashley, with a blank face as she continued to yell at Ruby. Neither of them had noticed Patton was awake because of their shouting match, so Patton knew he had to speak up to stop the fighting before it escalated.

"Hello. Why are you guys arguing?" Patton said loud enough for the two females in front of him to turn their heads to look at him.

Ruby spoke up first, "Because I didn't want to pick up the mess our younger brother made because he should be responsible for his own mess. He's literally only a year younger than me and he never has to do anything!" Ruby shouted and Patton took a deep breath.

"Okay, calm down, Ruby. All I did was ask a question. Take a deep breath," Patton sighed.

Ashley looked at Ruby angrily, "He does things around the house! You just don't see it because he does it before you get home!"

Patton sighed, "Can you calm down too? You're not going to get any results by shouting."

Ashley turned to look at Patton. Her face didn't change from it's angry glare, if anything she looked even more enraged.

"Are you really trying to tell me calm down when none of you listen to me?! You didn't even do your chores today! All you did was sleep because you're so fucking lazy! Do you know how much I work everyday in this house to keep it clean, just for you kids to mess it up!" Ashley shouted walking closer to Patton, forgetting about Ruby for a moment which is what Patton wanted in the first place. He didn't want their argument to get physical, which happens often.

"But it looks the same everyday. This house is always a mess, Ashley," Patton said, which he immediately regretted because her face turned bright red and blotchy from how infuriated she became.

"I work my ass off to take care of you all! Do you think it's easy to take care of five children, who are so ungrateful?! I'm your guys' mother and disrespect and hatred is all I get in return!" Ashley yelled, but Patton didn't care anymore. Soon he was going to start shouting, too.

"You. Are not. Our mother." Patton said, his voice quiet, but clearly filled with rage.

"I am your mother, whether you like it or not!" Ashley shouted.

"YOU ARE NOT OUR MOTHER AND YOU WILL NEVER BE!" Patton shouted, his eyes filling with tears of anger and sadness. "Our mother actually cares about us! She doesn't treat us like shit, and she's working to get custody of us! Soon enough we will not need to deal with your bullshit!"

Ashley chuckled, but it was filled with disdain, "How long has she been telling you that now? You've lived with me for most of your life, and your mother still hasn't gotten custody of you all. She's probably never going to get custody of you. Just go do your chores and you can go back to sleep, you lazy ass."

Patton let his tears fall and looked at Ruby, "It's better if you just do whatever she asked you to do. Then she'll leave you alone for a little while." Patton smiled sadly at Ruby as she nodded and turned to clean their dining room, where their brother dumped all of his toys on the floor.

A couple of months after this incident and everything has gone down hill for Patton. His family doesn't stop fighting, and it gets physical very often. Patton usually stops it, but no one cares if it affects him; they don't check in to see if he was fine after struggling to restrain his older brother from hitting his sister while they're fighting, even if Patton has tears pouring down his face. No one decides to check on him after he gets hit and scratched and punched from being between fights. He's also failing his classes in school. No one asks why, they just say that he should be working and he can do better, he shouldn't be failing.

No one noticed how he only wore long sleeved shirts and hoodies, hiding the red lines littered all over his arms. Patton felt the only people that cared about him were his two online friends, Roman and Virgil, and his best friend, Logan. They listened to how he felt, and always talked to him when he needed to. His other "friends" at school didn't even talk to him unless they needed answers or they had no one else to talk to. He was their last resort.

Patton spaced out at lunch, almost jumping out of his seat when his band director, Mr. Sanders, placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, Pat. Are you okay? You look a little sad today," Mr. Sanders said kindly.

Patton tried not to squirm away from the hand on his shoulder. Patton just plastered a smiled on his face, subconsciously tugging his hoodie sleeves over his hands, and said, "I'm okay! I'm just thinking about how much I'm dreading taking the playing quiz in band today."

Mr. Sanders just smiled, "You'll do just fine, Patton," he said, walking away.

Patton sighed, letting his face fall into a neutral expression and rested his head on the cool table in front of him. He heard Logan talking to one of the other people at their table. Patton didn't want to bother Logan with what he was thinking about, so he just kept his head down.

"Patton, are you okay?" Jenna, a girl who sat at their table and Patton didn't like very much, asked. She was very fake, and she always made other people feel ignored and used because she moved from one friend to another, like changing jewelry.

Patton just nodded, not bothering to look at her.

You'll be okay. Just push through a couple more hours, then you can go back home and you'll clean then sleep. You'll be fine.

As it turns out, Patton was wrong. He went back to his house and everything was already in deep shit. Ashley and his older brother were arguing, very loudly, about everything and nothing, Patton's younger brother was crying because of the shouting, and Patton's oldest brother didn't seem to care about anything that was going on. He just sat on their sofa, texting people.

Immediately Patton went over to calm his little brother down. It took a few minutes, but Patton convinced his little brother to calm down and go to Patton's room and close the door to block out the shouting.

Patton then turned to his older brother and Ashley.

"I'm home," Patton said, stopping the arguing momentarily.

"What took you so long? Come here and give me a kiss!" Ashley said impatiently.

"Give me a moment, please," Patton started, walking away, "I need to put my backpack down."

"No! You know when you walk in the house that you need to give me a kiss! It's a sign of respect!" Ashley nagged. Truth was that Patton couldn't bare to give Ashley a kiss; he hated having any physical contact with her.

"Shut the fuck up already," Patton's older brother said in a loud voice.

Patton looked at him, "Please don't."

"What did I do?!" His brother all but screeched.

"Nothing, I just cant deal with so much yelling right now. I just got home and I'm exhausted. I can't deal with shouting." Patton sighed as his brother walked away, muttering a 'fine' on the way out.

As soon as Patton's brother left the room, Ashley looked at Patton.

"You better not be too tired to clean the kitchen. You know you need to clean it right after school. I cleaned the rest of the house already," Ashley barked at Patton.

Patton looked into the kitchen, and he almost started sobbing in despair. The kitchen sink was overflowing with dirty dishes, the counters and stove had old food on them, and the table was covered in spilled juices and drinks. The floor was covered in dirt, it was sticky, and it had papers all over it.

"Don't forget that you need to clean the fridge, too," Ashley informed Patton.

Patton started crying. There was no way he was going to be able to clean the kitchen and the refrigerator in one day. It was too much. And he still had to clean his room, which was also a mess. There was no way he could do it, and he was going to get into so much trouble, and he would get his phone taken away, and he wouldn't be able to text Roman or Virgil. Patton wiped his tears quickly off his face and stopped his crying immediately; he didn't want Ashley yelling at him more for crying.

Patton just sighed and took a deep breath to steady his voice. "Why can't someone else clean the fridge? I always clean it."

"Because I told you to clean it, and you always clean it the best," Ashley said impatiently.

Patton just nodded his head and headed to the kitchen to start cleaning. He didn't have the energy to argue, and he didn't want to get yelled at because he knew he'd start crying if he was hollered at. His emotions were not okay at the moment, so he decided to just listen. He'd been doing that a lot more recently. He'd just let Ashley complain and tell him what to do, then he would do it.

Patton looked at his phone and saw that Virgil hadn't texted him yet, like he usually would. Patton sent a quick 'Hello', turning around to survey the kitchen, turned on music, and started to clean the kitchen. He started with the table, then the counters, then the stove. Patton sat down on one of the chairs at the table, and he leaned his head against the table, letting his tears fall. Ashley had gone to her room which meant she wouldn't come out of there for a couple hours.

Patton heard his phone go off, and he immediately checked it. Apparently he had gotten a text from Roman and Virgil.

Roman: Hello, good friend!

Patton smiled slightly before letting his face fall and sending a quick greeting and checking what Virgil messaged him.

Virge: How are you doing?

Patton stared at the text for a moment. How was he doing? He couldn't tell.

Patton: Idk. Could be better. I'm cleaning my kitchen, but I'm also breaking down crying so that's not good ig.

Patton put his phone down and continued cleaning. He decided to clean his fridge because even though it was disgusting and he preferred not to, it was better than scrubbing dishes for hours and sweeping and mopping the floor.

After about an hour of cleaning the fridge and texting his friends, one of his friends finally had enough of his complaining.

Virge: Patton you complain so much about every little thing that happens to you. Like you never stop complaining and frankly its really annoying. Other people have it worse than you. And honestly the things you complain about aren't even that important. You act like such a baby all the time. You're just annoying. Not to mention you act so dumb and foolish all the time. You annoy me, you annoy your family, and you probably annoy your other friends, if you even have any. Honestly if you just killed yourself nobody would mind. I used to think you were cool until you constantly just complained about everything in your life. Youre so annoying. Goodbye.

Patton stared at the message, reading and rereading it over and over again, before he just stared blankly at his screen.

Patton felt like his whole world had collapsed around him.

Of course Virgil had gotten tired of him. Why wouldn't he? Virgil was right, all Patton did was complain anymore.

But Patton didn't think his problems were that small, were they? Maybe they were. Sure Patton's living situation wasn't the best, but it was nothing compared to other people's problems.

Maybe Virgil was right. . .

Patton's problems really weren't that bad. Other people had it worse. Still, Patton couldn't deal with it anymore. Virgil was definitely correct about one thing: No one would care if Patton killed himself.

Patton clearly just annoyed and exhausted everyone around him with his constant complaining and never ending whining. His other two friends probably hated him, just as Virgil had. His family wouldn't care if he died, they didn't even acknowledge his existence most of the time unless he was stopping them from almost killing each other. Ashley would be happy, finally getting Patton out of her hair.

As Patton thought about it all, he started sobbing quietly. His best friend of 2 years had officially abandoned him, and everyone so obviously hated him. He couldn't move out and get a better life, so he was stuck at home.

No. . . not home. Patton will never have a home. He thought he found home in a person, but it was fake.

He couldn't stand all the pain anymore. He couldn't do anything to leave the cause of all of it. He needed to leave everything. Forever.

Patton wiped his eyes and forced his tears to stop, which he had gotten good at over the past few months of his life. He needed to find a way to leave. He needed to find a way to kill himself.

Patton quietly searched the house, his family just hanging out because, unlike him, they weren't neck deep in chores. No one looked up as the saw him look around, no one seemed to care he was there. That was fine, it'd make everything so much easier for him.

He didn't know how he was going to do this. He's never fully thought through. Of course he had ideas, but he never actually planned on going through with it. Patton's plan was to just wait a couple more years until he finished high school and meet his online friends, but his best friend just admitted that he hated Patton, along with telling his that one of his worst fears was most likely true and that everyone thought he was awful and hated him.

Honestly, Virgil was the only reason Patton was alive anymore. Sure, he had Roman and Logan, but honestly Virgil was the only person Patton felt he could talk to without being judged or hated. But of course Patton's judgement of the situation was wrong. And Virgil usually was a very understanding, kind, and patient person. If he didn't want to deal with Patton's complaining, who would?

As Patton thought about it more, he started crying again. He didn't stop the tears this time, though. He just let them fall as he searched his house. No one would notice he was crying, and as long as he stayed quiet Ashley wouldn't come out of her room and bother him about why he was looking through all of her belongings instead of cleaning. And by now Patton knew how to be quiet.

After a while of venturing through the house Patton found an almost full bottle of some type of pain killers, he didn't care to check the name. All he knew was if he took enough of the pills he could overdose and die. Which is what he was hoping for.

Patton quickly headed to his kitchen and grabbed one of the only clean glasses to drink out of. For a moment Patton thought that he shouldn't do it. He couldn't leave all of his siblings like this. It was wrong. But Patton immediately pushed away that thought; he didn't care anymore, he just wanted a way to end all the pain. It was too much.

Patton hid the bottle of pills in his hoodie pocket as he passed all his siblings to head to the bathroom. He slipped into the bathroom quietly and took the pills back out. It was a fairly large bottle, which should be enough to help him achieve his goal.

Patton shrugged off his hoodie, uncovering the pink lines scattered across his skinny, pale arms, and placed his hoodie on the floor. He uncapped the bottle, pouring plenty of the pills into his cupped hand. He quickly turned on the faucet and filled the cup with water, shoving the pain killers in his mouth and quickly chugging them. He repeated the process a couple times.

Finally Patton decided to grab his phone from his pants pocket. He typed out a quick message to Roman stating:

Hey, kiddo. I'm sorry. For everything. For bothering you all the time with my problems. For constantly complaining and being annoying. Worry not, you wont have to deal with me anymore. I've decided to leave, and this is my final farewell. Goodbye. I love you. Please don't be sad, if you even care at all.

Patton felt a sharp pinch in his stomach and knew he needed to quickly send the message. So he did. And he copied it and sent it to Logan. And, after a moment's hesitation, he also sent it to Virgil. He placed his phone down on the sink, turning it on vibrate, and settling down in the bathtub, shutting the curtain, as he felt a larger pain in his stomach, which almost made him call out in pain.

Patton heard his phone buzzing a good deal, but that became background noise as his brain became foggy from the effect of the pills. He felt another, once again larger, pain, but this time not only in his stomach, but throughout his whole abdomen, and he smiled.

Not much longer now. . .

Patton slowly faded from consciousness and, eventually, life. It wouldn't be until many hours later that his family would find him, skin so pale it could match paper, with no breath, nor heartbeat.

#tw suicide #tw toxic family #tw cursing #tw crying #tw suicidal thoughts #tw mentions of self harm #unsympathetic virgil #tw mentions of violence #patton sanders #patton angst #logan sanders #roman sanders #vent fic #never thought id be venting through patton #i dont like him that much #also never thought id be making virgil unsympathetic #sorry this is so bad #its like the longest thing ive ever written

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noona-clock · 5 years

Text

Working On It - Part 3

Genre: Teacher!AU

Pairing: Brian (Day6) x You

By Admin B

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, Oh, yeah, and I love you, Nothing’s Wrong

Of course, the first thing out of Sam’s mouth after you’d arrived home from The Grind had been, “Did he pay for your coffee?”

You’d had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes, and you’d simply answered with, “It wasn’t a date. Get ready for bed.”

Thankfully, he hadn’t brought it up again the next day or over the weekend, and it had now been almost a week since you’d told Brian your somewhat tragic life story over hot, caffeinated beverages.

You were currently on your lunch break at work, trying to pay some bills online while devouring a PB&J. Just after you let out a sigh of relief when the final bill transaction went through (it was payday in a couple of days, so you were severely struggling), you remembered you’d seen a couple of email notifications from Sammy’s school.

You quickly tapped on your mail app, opening the first one you came across.

It only took a few seconds of scanning the message to realize he’d gotten in trouble again. Math class this time. His teacher wanted to meet with you after school - today if that was possible. You let your head hang, squeezing the bridge of your nose with your thumb and index finger.

“What’s wrong?”

You jumped, lifting your head up to see one of the dentists on the other side of the desk. She was dropping off a patient’s file, but she knew you were on your lunch break, so she simply set it off to the side so you could put it away later.

“Oh,” you breathed. “I -- I got another email from Sammy’s school. I have to go meet with one of his teachers again. Is it okay if I leave a little early? I’m so sorry.”

“Y/N, of course, it’s fine,” the dentist assured you with a nod. “I think we only have a couple of appointments this afternoon, anyway.”

You thanked her profusely, promising you wouldn’t keep having to leave early for these parent-teacher conferences.

But then you remembered there had been two emails from the school.

You shifted your gaze back to your phone and clicked on the second one, reading it as quickly as you could.

Instead of making your heart sink, though, this one lifted your spirits. It was from the counselor, and she had just wanted to let you know that she had seen Sammy for the first time today. She wanted to see him twice a week from now on, so you knew that meant he was in need of some serious help.

Of course, he was. The boy had just lost both of his parents at once. Sometimes, when you cried yourself to sleep, it was only because you felt so bad for him.

He was an annoying pre-teen most of the time, a serious little shit some of the time, but underneath it all, he was a sweet kid. And he was your nephew. He was family. You loved him as much as it was possible to love a kid you didn’t physically give birth to. All you wanted to do was help him, and you felt really good about this counselor. You felt, for the first time in a while, like there was actually hope.

So, at least it wasn’t all bad news coming from school today. That was a small victory you were more than glad to accept.

A few hours later, you found yourself in a time warp. Except, rather than experiencing something which had happened years or even decades ago, you were repeating something which had happened just last week.

You parked at the school, signed in at the front desk, asked the clerk for directions, met Sammy’s teacher, apologized for his behavior, promised he would do better, and...

Well, you just felt completely incompetent. Again. Useless as a parental figure. Again.

You had one hand on Sammy’s shoulder as you walked in the hallway, headed toward the exit. Neither of you had said anything yet; you were still trying to figure out exactly what to say. Apparently, what you’d said last time hadn’t quite worked, although he’d gotten in trouble in math this time - not English.

And speaking of English...

You saw a very familiar figure up ahead, walking toward the two of you, and a smile came to his lips when he realized who you were.

“Br -- Mr. Kang,” you greeted when he got close enough, mustering up the best grin you could at the moment.

“Hey,” he replied. He slowed to a stop in front of you, his hands casually slung in his pockets. And then he nodded toward Sammy. “Hey, Samuel.”

“Hey,” Sammy replied darkly, just barely meeting his eye.

“I really enjoyed the poem you turned in today,” Brian continued. “You did a great job.”

You squeezed Sammy’s shoulder, wanting him to know you were proud of that - even if you were still upset with him.

“Thanks,” Sammy murmured. He then glanced up at you, shrugging your hand off. “I’m gonna go to my locker. I’ll meet you at the car.”

You simply nodded, your eyes following him as he headed off down the hall and turned the corner.

“I guess he’s moved on from disrupting your class to disrupting his math class,” you said softly, though you tried to keep your tone light.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, he’s been a lot better since we talked.”

“That does help, actually. Hopefully, I won’t have to meet with all of his teachers, though. That would be just a little excessive,” you chuckled.

Brian let out a breath of a laugh before his expression turned into one of soft concern. “How are you?”

“Me? Oh, I’m all right,” you replied with a shrug. “Doing what I can. Oh! I got an email from the counselor today. She said she met with him, and she wants to see him two times a week. I’m sure I won’t hear anything about it from Sammy.”

“No, probably not,” Brian chuckled. “I’m glad she got to him so quickly.”

“Seriously, thank you.” You reached out and put a hand on his arm in just the way he had done to you more than once last week. “You truly don’t know how much I appreciate it.”

“Hey, it’s the least I can do. I know I have a lot of students, but I really do care about all of them. I want to help them in any way I can.”

You couldn’t stop a very admiring grin from appearing on your lips, and in the back of your head, you wondered if you were kind of looking at Brian the same way that girl had looked at her manager boyfriend at The Grind last week.

“I sincerely hope there are more teachers out there like you,” you told him, feeling your cheeks get just a bit warm.

Brian quickly looked down at the floor then, shuffling his feet as a bashful smile pulled at his lips. “I just love my job, is all,” he told you with an embarrassed chuckle. And then he changed the subject, his eyebrows raising when he asked, “Can I walk you out to your car?”

You let your hand fall from his arm, moving it to clutch your purse strap a bit awkwardly. “Yeah, sure,” you answered.

Brian turned around, allowing you to lead the way before falling into step next to you.

“So, Sammy really turned in a good poem today?” you asked a bit skeptically.

“He did,” Brian affirmed. “I don’t know what you said to him after our meeting, but whatever it was, it worked. He’s been showing a lot more effort in his work the past few days.”

“Really?” you asked, surprised. “Honestly... all I said was it’s one thing to disrespect me at home, but he can’t disrespect his teachers. It can’t happen anymore.”

“That’s all?”

“Well, I told him I wasn’t good at English, either, and maybe we could get him a tutor. But he said a definite ‘no’ to that. And then he called you kinda cool for a nerdy, old guy.”

“What?!” Brian laughed. “He called me a nerdy, old guy?!”

“Don’t you worry, I got onto him for that,” you grinned. “I said you were definitely not that much older than me, and if he wanted pizza for dinner, he would take it back. And he did. He said we were both very, very young.”

“See? I told you he was a bright boy.”

You felt pure, genuine laughter bubble up in your throat, and you honestly wondered how long it had been since you’d laughed. Really laughed. You and Sammy had some good times - especially when you got him to let you play video games with him - but you still couldn’t quite remember the last time you’d laughed until you cried. Or until your stomach hurt. Or until you couldn’t breathe.

You also wondered how long it would be until you laughed like that again.

Brian opened the door leading to the parking lot when you arrived at the front of the school, and you murmured a soft ‘thanks’ after you waved good-bye to the receptionist at the desk.

“Hopefully, I won’t run into you again like this,” you said when you saw Sam leaning against the passenger side door of your car. “I would very much like to not visit the school again. Unless it’s to chaperone a field trip or something. But it was still nice to see you.”

“It was nice to see you, too,” Brian replied.

You could’ve sworn he purposely slowed his steps, so you did, too. And then he took one giant step forward, enough to get in front of you, and he turned around to face you.

“Do you think -- could I get your phone number?”

Your brow furrowed, and you tilted your head slightly in confusion. “Did I forget to fill it out on the registration form?” you asked, racking your brain to try and remember. I mean, you had only gotten emails from the school so far...

“No,” he answered with a barely detectable grin. “You didn’t forget. I just... didn’t want to text you out of the blue.”

“Ohhhhh, gotcha.”

But... wait - did you really get it? What did he actually mean?

“You want to text me?” you asked, just in case you’d heard him incorrectly.

“If it’s okay with you.”

You honestly had no idea why Sammy’s English teacher would want to text you, but... okay. “I mean, yeah. Why not?”

That barely detectable smile turned into a real one, and Brian turned back around so he could finish walking you to your car.

Once you’d unlocked the doors, Sam wasted no time in scrambling inside, completely ignoring both you and Brian (though, you weren’t surprised).

“Thank you again,” you said a bit softly as Brian opened the door for you.

“You’re welcome,” he nodded, one corner of his lips lifted into a rakish half-smile.

After you sat down, started the car, and buckled your seat belt, you waited for Brian to be safely out of the way before backing up and starting your drive home.

“Why did Mr. Kang walk you out?” Sam asked, his gaze focused on the moving scenery out of his window.

“I dunno,” you shrugged. “Because he’s polite.”

“...What did you talk about?”

“He told me how well you’re doing in his class,” you said, deciding to leave out the part where he’d asked for your number. Sam would totally get the wrong idea.

“...He did?”

“Yep,” you answered casually. “And I’m very proud of you for that. I would love to hear things like that from your math teacher, too.”

Sam simply sighed, and that was the last noise he made until you were pulling into the parking lot in front of your apartment complex.

“I think Mr. Kang likes you,” was the first thing he said to break his silence.

“What?!” you laughed. “What are you talking about?”

“He walked you out to your car. He was smiling at you!”

“So? That’s called being friendly and having manners. You’ve heard of those before, right?” you teased. “Manners?”

“Ha ha, very funny.” Sam waited until the two of you were out of the car before continuing. “He’s into you. First, he asked you out for coffee, and now he’s walking you to your car. I’m telling you, he likes you.”

You pursed your lips and shook your head, letting out a little giggle. “That is not correct,” you said in your best impression of that one Chrish Vine.

youtube

Sam let out a dismayed groan. You laughed out loud before stepping over to him and hooking your arm around his neck.

“You love me so much, don’t you?” you beamed.

“No, but Mr. Kang does.”

“Sammy!”

“I mean, I do love you!”

You simply rolled your eyes. Twelve-year-olds have some imagination, huh?

“What do you want for dinner?” you asked as you unlocked the door to your apartment.

“Pizza.”

“What else do you want for dinner?”

“McDonald’s.”

“Spaghetti it is.”

Sam, knowing you were going to tell him this as soon as you closed the door behind you anyway, went straight to the couch and unzipped his bookbag. And while he got started on homework, you got started on dinner.

It had been a long week - and it was only Wednesday - so after Sam had helped you clean up after dinner, you’d proclaimed he could play video games since you had plans to do a face mask and catch up on your favorite sitcom.

“Did you know you’re the best aunt ever?” he’d asked, pointing a finger at you.

“Yes, I did, but it’s nice to hear someone else say it,” you’d replied. And then you’d checked your time on your phone. “You have two and a half hours.”

Sam had immediately scrambled over the back of the couch, grabbed the remote, turned the TV on, and got his video game controller ready.

You had turned toward your bathroom, opened one of the few sheet masks you owned, and got ready to relax.

Now, ten minutes later, you were leaning against your pillow with your head tilted up to keep the mask on, pulling up the latest episode of your TV show. Just after you pressed ‘play,’ though, the sound of a text message coming through on your phone pierced through the air, your screen lighting up with the notification.

You quickly paused the show, lifting your phone up to your face and seeing it was a message from an unfamiliar number. Your brow furrowed as you slid your finger over, waiting to read this mystery message.

Oh! Duh. He’d just told you this afternoon he was going to text you. You’d completely forgotten, but now you were curious all over again.

You typed out a quick reply, even sending an emoji because you were cool and young and hip, just like him.

You were just about to lock your screen after changing his contact name, but you noticed he read your message almost immediately and started typing something within seconds.

Your brow furrowed slightly as you waited, and when his message appeared...

What in the world could he be talking about? You were about to reply with “Okay, I’m listening...” but you saw he had already started typing again.

You held your breath as you stared at the three little dots, an anxious bundle of nerves starting to form in your stomach.

...Oh, wow.

Part 4

#young k scenarios #young k imagines #young k fanfic #young k au #young k fluff #day6 scenarios #day6 imagines #day6 fanfic #day6 au #day6 fluff #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fanfic #kpop au #kpop fluff #young k #brian kang #day6 brian #day6 brian fanfic

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faeratil · 4 years

Text

It really pisses me off that as soon as people started calling for the arrest of the officer who murdered George Floyd and the other officers who did nothing to stop him, the ads and articles I started seeing were trying to drown out the information about George by trying to make it seem like looting a business was worse and demanded more attention.

People are more important than businesses. And the fact that social media outlets are trying to smother the news about police brutality and police murdering POC and about the tear gas and violence against protestors, and they’re trying to replace it with news about businesses who have way more money than they need getting screwed over? It’s bullshit and it is outrageous and I am so fucking proud of my friends and my followers and even the people I don’t know who have stood up to fight against this and are calling out the media for trying to stifle news about racism and oppression. And I mean actual oppression, not Karen being too high maintenance to go one month without a fucking haircut and demanding people who haven’t been considered essential until the virus hit go back to work and be in danger because of an inconvenience.

I am a white woman, yes. But I’m not going to sit back and do nothing. I’m using my white privilege to give all of my friends who are minorities a voice. I have my group of friends on Xbox, and a majority of them are black men who are good people, who have families they care for, who don’t break the law, who try and help anyone they come across even if it’s with something as small as beating a boss in a video game. But in the past couple days alone, I have watched and listened as random people on the internet log onto their streams or join their voice chats just to call them racial slurs and threaten to call the police on them just because they’re black. It got to the point where about 90% of my clan mates stopped playing the games they’ve always loved because random people online have been harassing them and it’s nonstop.

But it didn’t just start a few days ago with George Floyd’s murder. They’ve been getting threats and slurs thrown at them and have been batting off hate speech of random people for years. This incredibly unjustified and diabolical event just increased the hate they get. I know I can’t do much with people online, but my friends took screenshots of the twitch usernames and Xbox usernames of all the people harassing them and myself and the clan have been blasting the information across our social media accounts with detailed recaps of what was said and what was threatened and how often it’s been happening and I know for a fact that those people who chose to harass my friends just because of their skin color have been reported and outed by everyone in the clan and by sharing on social media by at least another 100 people (we have a big clan and if even just two friends of each member reports them, it’s well over 100 reports).

I’m fucking pissed. I’ve also seen POC in my home state treated like shit in public spaces just for being there. I’ve taken every opportunity I can to step in and help them when I am able. I am a tiny woman though so not a lot of people take me seriously, but at least I don’t stand by and watch it happen. My last job where I was in a manager position, I had 4 black teenage boys working in my store. They were just kids so they’d goof off every once in a while, but they always did their jobs, they were always respectful of customers, they were good people. But the number of times I would have customers come in and ask to be helped by a different employee, to have their food made by a different employee, to complain about being disrespected because they were told we couldn’t fulfill their requests by one of those boys, to sneer and whisper slurs just loud enough that the boys could hear them, it’s just ridiculous how many times it happened. When customers would demand to be helped by someone else, I would have them try to explain to me why exactly they didn’t want to be helped by one of the boys and more often than not they’d get too embarrassed and stutter and wouldn’t be able to think of anything to say because they didn’t want to straight up say “because he’s black”. When they’d ask if someone else could make their food, I would tell the customers that everyone went through the same training with myself and knew what they were doing so what was it that worried them about the quality of food from that particular employee. They’d shut up too. When they’d ask for a manager because the employee was unable to fulfill their requests (often asking for food items we don’t carry or asking for free food for waiting two minutes longer than they felt necessary), I would stand next to the employee and have them repeat exactly what they had said to the customer and I would then say “it seems to me that he explained our store policies exactly as I would have, so what seems to be the problem?” When I would hear the slurs being whispered, I had full permission from the owner of the store to refuse service to those customers. It would be called out in front of everyone and they would be asked to leave, and if they threw a fit or caused a scene, security would be called.

I even worked at that particular store with a few Latina girls who were also in high school, and they were honestly my best employees and are still some of my best friends. But I had to do similar policing of the customers where they were concerned as well. I had one customer ask for the manager upon walking into the store, he hadn’t even ordered and refused to speak to anyone but me. I asked him what the problem was and he said “I don’t want one of those illegals to help me, they’re probably high or some shit. You get me right? It’ll be great when the government finally sends all of those wetbacks and n*s out of our country.” That man did not get helped. I told him to leave. A security guard who was great friends with everyone at the store and was also a POC walked up to the counter at the same time that I told the racist asshole to leave. The guy started getting angry and looked like he was about to yell, but the security guard stepped in and said “sir are you going to leave peacefully and respect that businesses have the right to refuse service to anyone, or do I need to escort you out”. The guy left and we never saw him again. The girls were in the back crying and the security guard asked me what had happened and if anyone had been hurt. I told him what had been said and told him that as long as I was in charge of that store, racism would not be allowed and anyone who escalated it or directly targeted my employees — my FRIENDS — would be shown the door.

I hate that so many people just ignore it or stand to the side hoping someone else will do something about it. If POC are not being heard, what better use for white privilege is there than to give them a voice and to demand justice and to treat them with the same respect that you would treat anyone else. It doesn’t matter if you are a tiny person that people rarely take seriously. If you stand up, more often than not someone else will stand with you in backing those who are being oppressed. Every single one of those cops who was on the scene when George Floyd was murdered is guilty. Not a single one of them did anything to stop it from happening. They are all guilty. I grew up with a sheriff for an uncle, but if he had been there and hadn’t done anything I would be calling him guilty too. It doesn’t matter if the cop wouldn’t do it themselves. They are guilty if they don’t stop it.

#george floyd #black lives matter #fuck target #poc matter #racism stops with you #stand for each other #hold them accountable #a good cop wouldve stopped it #they are all guilty #racism is everywhere #it needs to stop

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mc-slowwalker · 3 years

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I have a prime sub but it’s to karl… who never streams :’((( I miss karl he should stream more. I have literally never been gifted a sub and a friend of mine has been gifted so many like, george, ranboo you name it. 3 hours after I started typing this I got gifted a punz sub lets gooo. gonna be watching his mcc ad and we’ll see about the ads

so true I 100% agree. cheating is always morally correct. “academic integrity” like okay uni whatever you say it’s literally has no weight if you’re studying to pass an exam instead of actually learning. we should be studying to learn not pass an exam. yeah exactly!! knowledge shouldn’t cost this much.

lmaooo trueee and also moood. (about the antisocial/awkward stuff I feel like to didnt make sense just like that what I was referring to with the next sentence starting with “like”) like I feel bad about feeling toxic about the twitter updates account thing because like I’ve been a person from the twitter updates account but like I’m not toxic for no reason afterwards. yeah it’s 100% so frustrating!! like a while ago I remember seeing “oh I’m not sending dts on dream’s behalf I’m sending them on mine” like huh???? do you not see the problem with that??? ughhh I get you tho I was annoyed with the kaceytron stream as well. I didn’t watch it tho like I watched a bit and was like fuck this then left. yeah I also hate it when he goes on streams of people who actively talk shit about him like :/// lowkey I feel like I’m just a bit too defensive of him sometimes because of all the unnecessary shit he gets from so so many people but at least I recognise that ig. I swear tho, his twitter stans get him in wayy more shit than he does. like that one account that counted the days made me so mad. but yeah it is kind of the same stuff. like I try not to cause I know it’s the same but like when I do it, it feels justified and not just being shitty for no reason but take away all that and it is really the same. like not to be a gatekeeper buuuuut. I’m very good at ignoring it all tho

that’s really cool but also spanish as a requirement in uni (/college idk)??? never heard of that. oh dang that’s cool I’ve always wanted to know more languages. language and the way people use it and like communication in general has always been so interesting to me. I want to say something about like my strong use of “like” now cause I’m noticing it. yeah exactly, the way people communicate online is so interesting!

tubbo should start war with foolish about the beets. that would be funny I think. and amazing lore. cause like not all lore has to be all high production. like I love hugh production lore, I love funny, silly lore, I love “semi” lore I’d enjoy it all. just log onto the smp and like idk do literally anything I will count it as lore. everything that has ever happened on the smp is canon to me. tubbo could literally just like nuke someone and start a whole new storyline. he should nuke the prison. I would say nuke foolish’s summer home over the beets but I’d be too sad about that and it’s a bit of an overreaction. there is much potential and I love tubbos character. also ranboo?? he just said that enderwalk was c!ranboo with all his memories and just like dipped and went to the uk. I do get that they’re all very busy tho and it can be difficult to find the time and all that I haven’t watched much of the bear smp but it looks cool and I may get into it at some point. I feel like I just don’t have any time these days tho

he didn’t drop off the face of the earth!! he did a 5 hour long merch vc. I am australian 😔✌️so I was asleep for half of it but it was nice just listening to it when I woke up. sapanp singing was my favourite bit. like I listened to some of those songs afterwards cause I liked them but it just wasn’t the same😔😔

I feel bad for replying so late tho so sorry about that I just felt very not social all day but I do like that with anon I can kinda just come and go and it’s chill

Yooooo congrats on the gifted punz sub! Yeah I seem to have bad luck with gifted subs, random chance I’ve only gotten sapnap, the fundy gifted was a gift from a friend

The best knowledge is free anyways. Also uni/college always tries to guilt you like who are you the catholic church fuck off. Bruh I’m paying for your services you should be treating me good I’m basically a glorified customer

Bro you where a twitter updates account?? Props to you I am at all times in the worst position to know stuff. Unless I am actively live blogging I have 0 what’s going on. I’m always years late to new informations like I’ll check my phone and realize that I missed a whole lore stream. Also on twitter you can’t even send dts right??? Like here you can actually say the words death die & kill but on twitter you have to censor yourself. “Die” funny, a little threatening but ultimately can be ignored. “d13” hilarious not at all threatening?? Wait this makes it seme like I am cool with death threats I’m not but I’ve gotten a fair share and seen other people get them and they’re always funny to me. Telling someone to die isn’t funny but being told to die is very funny if that clarifies anything. I thinknI watched a lot of the kaceytron stream (however I watched it through a dream fan streaming the stream so she didn’t get any views/money) and the whole thing was extremely upsetting. I can be defensive of him too, not so much for him but more for me. I know he can probably handle most of it but how dare people insult stuff I like. It’s less defending his honor and more how dare people disrespect me through disrespecting things I like. Plus if it ever is too much for dream I know his friends will come in clutch. Bbh saying stuff is the indicator tm that what people are saying about dream is bullshit

Does college means something different to the rest of the world? In the us it’s almost interchangeable with uni except universities can give you a doctorate while college can only get you your undergrad. It’s less that spanish is required and more that we’re required to take two years of a language and I just chose spanish. I’ve met so many people who either only speak spanish or have spanish as their first language that knowing the amount that I do has actually come in handy. Dont think about the like thing too much trust me. It’s a really good comma and indicator that you’re speaking casually but the more you notice it the more upsetting it becomes

I think the beets could be a great plot point because beets suck and I hate them!! I really do like silly lore but I hate the effect it has on the fandom. I haven’t forgiven people for writing off the l’sandburg lore. In the words of the wisest man I ever knew “everything I do on the dream smp is canon to some extent”. Accept that silly lore is canon folks!! That’s what makes the dream smp so much fun! Also high production lore can be super lame guys please this is roleplay in minecraft chill

Wait about tubbo’s lore did we ever find out who stole the one nuke? I don’t watch a lot of ranboo’s stuff but I’m very happy that enderwalk ranboo is besties with c!dream theory is coming along nicely. Uno au my beloved. No about the bear smp stuff I’d also like to get into ballsmp, more of hermit craft, and 3rd life but I’m busy too? Like college hasn’t even started and I’m already sweating. Speaking of other smps do you remember that smp that karl and quackity were invited to but never logged on? Ahoddj that was hysterical. Never gonna watch it, just think it’s funny that they were invited and decided you know what nah

The 5 hour long merch podcast my beloved!!! I had two favorite parts (other than sapnap singing) the first was when he said the alright and we all complained enough that he decided to keep streaming and the second was the final alright where he said bye and then dipped with 0 hesitation while sap & george were still in the call sjsjdk

Again no worries I’ll always be here to answer no rush for anything I’m simply vibing at all times

#ask #anon #long post

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greenflamedwriter · 3 years

Text

Voltron | Venom au

2020 hit me like a truck- I know people have went through things but good god do I want to write other stuff other than voltron- I kept the notes so I might do them in the future but yeah I have yet to finish a story and I hate myself for it -_- oh well.

Venom AU;

Symbiotes as aliens from Voltron [I.e Allura/Lotor Keith] Humans are hosts. So Keith and Shiro = Black Lion. Keith and Lance = Red Lion. Lance and Allura=Blue Lion Allura and Shiro = White lion.

It all started at the Galaxy Garrison. Lance’s research showed that this company was a cancer research facility and were funded by Zarkon with Honerva Hagger as his lead scientist they made many breakthroughs, as they learned they could take any cure for human viruses from the Amazon rainforest- which currently was on fire right now- what if they could find any new assets from space?

Their ship crash landed and was an overall failure and yet the Garrison continued to create another ship to send to space- if it was such a failure then why were they still spending money on a spaceship than staying here on earth trying to put that money to y’know the actual research.

Which was why Lance was here, he got a tip from a online friend of his- well he used the term friend loosely their name was gunderson and they always kept their identity hidden- but their intel was right!

Lance took another step forward his camera from his phone slowly taking in the labrotory- people were in cells and it was digusting conditions, one man was in a sauna where the heat was 40 degrees and yet he seemed fine sitting in that heat.

Lance saw another one in an ice box, others shaking and crying- these people were being tortured!

Until one of them jumped up “Help! You have to help me!”

Lance flinched almost dropping his phone- until he recognised the man

“Shiro!?”

Takashi Shirogane was a freakin war hero! He came back, missing his arm and apparently he must of pissed somebody of from the Garrison since he was living on the streets.

Lance made a column about him about how the country disrespects their heroes.

He put away his phone and moved forward urgently “I don’t- I don’t know how to-” Whatever was happening in their it was killing Shiro, Lance panicked grabbing a fire extinguisher and smashed the glass cell, the alarms blared and Shiro cried out lunging forward, Lance yelped as the larger men fell on top of him, glass cutting into his pals and then suddenly-

Shiro- he had no idea what- upchucked but there was no sick just something black and it was gone- Lance felt more heavy than he did a minute ago, he lost track of Shiro he was gone and Lance sat up and suddenly he heard footsteps.

Shit.

Lance scrambled to his feet and began to run.

Shiro was sprinting in another direction with no idea where he was going he crashed into another cell and knocked over a canister he cried out when a red mess burst from the exposed container and latched onto him- Shiro shuddered, before...with the other one he felt cold, but now he felt as if he had a fever.

He heard footsteps and panicked voices and ran, he couldn’t think just yet.

Both Lance and Shiro ran in opposite directions both dodging the armed security with no problem, Lance fell over and was suddenly lurched up as if he was lifted “The fuck-” He looked around panicked while his legs kept running, and with no thought began to climb a tree just as the cars rolled around he clung desperately to the branches.

While Shiro was able to slam into a tree feeling stunned at the sudden strength and renewed anger, they stole him from the street- promised to help him for his service and they treat him like a lab rat- as soon as a guard came in sight Shiro’s arm lunged at its own accord and slammed the guard into the ground his eyes moving with an animalistic snarl to his lips.

Shiro took care of the guards on the ground until he was able to escape the forest and into the main road, he just kept running and didn’t look back.

Lance meanwhile waited until the guards were gone before climbing down, feeling his limbs shake- what the fuck just happened?

Lance was able to get home and shakily called Gunderson “Hey, I got your tip- it was...fucking hell it was right-” He was blindly reaching for food at his apartment almost tripping over the mess on his floor, he fished out a cup filled it with tap water and drank the whole thing.

Ugh- tap was disgusting.

“Gunderson, I’m sending the footage now oh my god they’re- The Garrison is experimenting on people, they took people of the street put them in these cells and and-” And that blue thing that...that came out of Shiro-

Lance stopped feeling his body shake he was so cold, he turned on the heater and grabbed an apple from the fridge just to deal with this rare hunger in his stomach-

As soon as his teeth sunk into the apple- he immedly gagged, he spat it out feeling disgusted, was it off or something?

Grabbing his left over chinese he waited for it to heat up in the microwave- what was with these cravings? Was it stress?

Lance moved towards the mirror and wondered if he should go to a hospital-

“Lance!” A demonic face flashed in the mirror, Lance yelped falling backwards and knocking himself out.

And that was how he met Allura, A blue Symbiote that was able to take over his body and it wasn’t so bad except for when Lance caught themselves in the mirror and paused.

“Is that...us?”

Allura hesitated at Lance referring to them as a whole and felt warmth. “Yes, that is our form.”

“Why do I look like a girl?” And in case anyone was wondering if there were no difference between female symbiotes or male, it was more structured on a person's matter, if Allura had symbioses with other lifeforms their look would look feminine sometimes or Masculene the next.

Allura also learned a lot from Lance, saving a neighbor from some lowlife on the streets and Lance spoke about Anita and how sweet she was, Lance even panicked when Allura bit off someones head.

“Allura what the hell?”

“What?”

“We don’t do that-”

“Why not?”

“WE JUST DON’T!”

So Far Lance and Allura were getting along fine, Allura even admitted she felt hesitant on destroying this planet then decided to keep Lance as a pet, she realised that Chocolate was a good enough substitute and her human would remain safe.

Which is more than we can say for Shiro.

Shiro’s symbiote was an angry little red thing, it took a while for Keith (as it called itself) to calm down- and the military were hot on their heels. It took...longer for Keith and Shiro to get along, and Adam wasn’t helping.

Adam was a doctor that dragged Shiro into the hospital “Adam- Look it’s okay, I’m fine.” And he was, he felt better than ever-

“You- you’re killing him.” Adam spoke looking Shiro in the eye.

Shiro faltered, and even felt Keith begin to squirm beneath is ribcage.

“Your lungs have collapsed-”

“What?”

I can fix it! Keith yelped in his head and Shiro shut his eyes against all the yelling and the information he was giving.

“You’re killing him Keith!”

Keith controlled their body and ran away and Adam ran after then yelled when he lost them in the crowd.

Shiro began to run aimlessly through the streets freaking out.

“Am I dying- you- why would you!?” Shiro cried out, skidding to a step inside a park feeling his heartbeat rapidly.

Keith oozed out his shoulder, his face still freakish.

That was before- I told you! We came to take over and destroy the planet and I didn’t care if you died- I just needed you to get to the ship!

Shiro clenched his hands “Then- then just go then Go find somebody else because I’m done!”

He could feel Keith flinch then sigh, Shiro- I could’ve went back to the ship ages ago. I stayed to fix this.

Shiro blinked “Huh?”

He gasped feeling Keith curl up around his heart.

I don’t want to destroy this planet anymore, I want to stay here with you.

Shiro blinked “I...you better not be lying.”

OF course not- look out!

Without warning a man slammed into Shiro and the two tumbled “Whoa are you-” The Man grabbed him hiding him behind a wall slamming Shiro against the brick.

“Shit- I uh- Play along!” The man hissed, Shiro and Keith were confused. “Huh-HmmpH!” The man kissed him, crowding Shiro in, the man humped pressing back into the wall then noticed soldiers run past, catching on, he shielded himself and the other from the security.

“Ew- Get a room.” One sneered then kept running. Once they were gone the man leaned back with a sigh “I am so sorry- I panicked- they’ve been after me for days.”

Shiro blinked, that was...wow.

He could feel Keith bristle under his skin. He has a symbiote.

“What?” Shiro asked and the man glanced up, with the most gorgeous blue eyes he’s ever seen.

“I um- I may have pissed of the military-” He stopped taking a step back his eyes squinting “Wait-Shiro?”

“Do I know you?”

The man blinked “Uh I’m Lance- I rescued you from the facility.”

Shiro eyes widened “That was you!” Lance nodded “Yeah!” He then paused and glanced to the side, as if hearing something. “We gotta go, Come on.”

Lance grabbed his hand and the two ducked into an alleyway escaping the goons.

“Oh so, you were Alluras host first.”

“What?”

Lance chuckled “Is there anything else you can say other than What?”

Shiro scowled “No- I mean, who’s Allura?” Lance shrugged “My Symbiote, you passed her to me then ran off.” Shiro blanched “I’m sorry-” “No worries, I felt really out of it when Allura started messing around- speaking off, have you grown back my pancreas yet?” A small blue blog of a face peeled out of Lance’s shoulder.

“I said I was sorry.” Lance shook his head, “Lies.” He rummaged around in his pocket and brought out a...chocolate bar?

Lance cooed when Allura nibbled on a piece, after seeing Shiro’s stare hummed “Symbiotes LOVE chocolate, apparently it has the same ingredients or something as human brains and is a better substitute than people,” Lance held some out “Want some?”

Keith immedltly reached out to chop a piece (And almost Lance’s fingers) in a rush.

“Wow- your symbiote is gorgeous.” Keith's sudden irritation suddenly dimmed, Shiro felt a smug smirk at his lips.

Shut up. Keith grouched.

Lance leaned closer “I love these red stripes, oh- you’re Keith, Allura told me a lot about you?”

“Really?” Keith asked hopefully and Lance's mouth pursed into an adorable teasing smirk.

“Yeah about how much of a hot head you are.”

The red symbiote's mouth widened and Lance dodged just in time.

Shiro found himself relaxing, he wasn’t alone.

“Keith,” Allura started making the other raise it’s attention her way.

“I don’t want Zarkon to win, I found myself falling in love with this planet.” Lance looked worried his eyes flickering from Allura to Keith biting his lip.

“I feel the same.”

Why was Lance so worried.

“Oh thank god- I thought we were going to have to duke it out.” lance breathed a huge sigh of relief, placing a hand on his hips.

“So what now?”

Both Allura Keith and Lance glanced at one another, Shiro realised how they were going to pull this off once glancing at the huge shuttle across the lake.

“We’re going back to the Garrison and stopping that spacecraft.” Lance beamed glancing at Allura and Keith “With us two in symbiosis they wont know what hit em.”

#Voltron #Venom Au #Fanfic

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juliehoop · 7 years

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A word on cleanliness

Actually, there are a lot of words, and most of them have to do with my brother. But I’m going to spare you of having to read through my rant if you have a problem with unsanitary habits, or the thought of nasty, unhygienic things makes you uncomfortable. I will be talking about them in length (in relation to my story). Also, this is a rant so expect the topic to change at my will.

The word is that my brother is disgusting.

And not in the typical “brotherly” sort of way. Not just dirty laundry lying about or dishes left unclean, but actually actively being against showers (because they make him “feel weird” and “dry”), not cleaning dishes ever and not understanding why it is his duty to. Never participating in cleaning our shared bathroom, despite using it and often leaving it in a mess (and by “mess” I mostly mean facial shavings left around the sink, despite his “”efforts”” to prevent a mess at all, and despite me pointing out the remaining mess every time).

For anyone who knows me, he is more than just an awful roommate, but one that I currently cant get rid of, and an overall pain in my ass. His stubborn behavior, passed down from my mom, only serves to strengthen his resolve that his opinions are founded, and nothing I (or others) have to say could ever convince him otherwise. On the outside, he is a privileged cis white male, with weak-ass baby boomer parents to coddle his shitty life until their dying day. On the inside, he is completely in denial of how shitty his life is, and how shitty of a person he is.

As his sister, I try to have compassion, but my compassion can only go so far when he blatantly disrespects me as a person whenever I attempt to suggest a better way of doing things (in the most equal-adult way physically possible, I’d like to think). As well, I am a logical person, but being unsanitary is not something you can argue.

Let’s make a list of things that my brother does that are totally fucking NOT OKAY:

leaves dishes unclean

leaves unclean dishes in his room (for months)

doesn’t help clean the bathroom

leaves messes in the bathrooms he doesn’t clean

avoids taking showers at all costs

never does laundry until he has literally no clean clothes to wear

never washes his hands after going to the restroom

even when called out, he usually doesn’t do it anyway just out of spite

literally doesn’t even know how to clean

when he does “clean”, he usually ends up leaving it unfinished in a fit when we try to tell him that it’s not actually clean and give directions on how to do it better

Have I successfully made it clear that he literally is disgusting yet? Maybe?? No...?

Maybe it’ll help if I highlight the fact that he’s fucking 27 years old and still doesn’t even know how to do this shit. And I haven’t even gotten to the part where I tell you why I’m so damn pissed off right now (yeah, not because my brother is questionably a literal piece of shit).

My brother had the actual audacity to be upset and anxious over finding black mold in a sealed vacuum that had been sitting in his room for the past few months. This is a shop-vac, mind you, and it had the capability to vacuum water, so long as it was dried afterward (which clearly did not happen). But he was actually dumping his anxieties on us (me & my mom), not leaving us alone until he got what he wanted, or rather, the answers he wanted.

My mother and I tried our best to calmly and succinctly explain that as long as it was contained, he probably wouldn’t have to worry, but if he wanted to ease his worries, cleaning his room thoroughly would easily eradicate any real threat of the mold spreading. But, being as anxious as he was about it spreading and causing our house to need to be burned to the ground, he persisted and voiced his worries that the whole house could be endangered by now. Again, my mom and I voiced that it wasn’t likely to be that bad, especially since it was contained, and hardly noticeable to him, the inhabitant of the room it was in. He then, of course, pulls out his doubt in our intelligence on the matter. He, of course, needs a real expert to ease his mind. I take a gamble and point out that he is letting his anxiety get the best of him and he is therefore, not truly hearing my mom or myself. He responds by saying that it’s our lack of concern that has him so wound up over it, and to me, that was the final straw.

He had just clearly stated that our “lack of concern” concerned him, despite the fact that our “lack of concern” was founded in logic. So I tell him as such, that I’ve explained why I’m not worried and if he doesn’t want to listen, his anxiety is his own damn fault. And he gets all pissed and leaves in a huff. But he’s already irked me more than once this week on the topic of cleanliness, and since I’m not allowed to fight with him in person, I can certainly vent to the internet to work through my thoughts and indulge in some self-therapy.

This man - with no concern for the sane habits of washing hands, taking showers, and cleaning kitchen utensils - actually has the fucking gall to fight me on the proper level of concern for mold that he let fester right under his nose?

I was practically livid in the moment, but I’ve since let that pass and subside into an actual question of his sanity. I’ve often felt vaguely cognizant of his lack of understanding of the world, but this is painting a very clear picture for me, as I reflect. I’ll make a list of what I know:

he’s got a very different opinion about everything in the world, and most of them are backed in argument by "I know someone”, when I’m certain most of them are online friends (not to invalidate online friendships, I’m mostly alluding to the reality that for him “internet” means “gaming”, and therefore, “friends” will likely mean “privileged white dudes who will gladly take part in his sexist, insensitive rhetoric, and have no sense of what the real world is like”. He’s not really going to make friends within different circles when he’s already a brand of asshole that thrives on finding their own kind).

his “arguments” range from petty to “the world is built against “people like me””, making it clear he has a victim complex only stroked by every decision to ignore his poor behaviors, which I am forced to do and which my parents do to ignore their own shortcomings as actual parents.

I don’t want to list any more because I can already tell he’s a fucking asshole. I know how he feels about politics. I know how entitled he feels about calling me nasty names, but being completely willing to throw me down for calling him racist or sexist or bigoted. I know he lives by a double standard and doesn’t know it. Yet I still feel that I want to save him so he has a chance to live better, and so that my life and other’s dont’ have to be so tainted by what my parents didn’t and still refuse to teach him. I am his sister and I’ve loved and cared for him my whole life, but it’s nearly unbearable to have to hold my tongue on simple things like being fucking sanitary.

I’ve seen him starting to make good changes this week, but I don’t really know how much longer I can last being forced to grin and bear living with someone as unsanitary as him.

Just.......Pray for me.

#personal shit #hahah GET IT #I'll probably keep this as like a journal to give therapists #what a read that would be

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