#he uses he/him and maybe some neos im still figuring that out | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

onovnii · 3 years

Note

share your om trans hc Right Now

# obey me trans headcanons

feat. mammon , leviathan , satan , asmodeus , beelzebub , belphegor

summary. my gender headcanons for the obey me brothers

cw. trans talk 😗 , dysphoria

author n. reqs are closed but… anon you dont know HOW excited i am to share these… ive mentioned trans levi b4 but im gonna briefly talk abt everyone !! (and THEN dive into trans levi) ALSO!! i did some research for all the identities i listed but pls lmk if i got any of them wrong 😭!!!

disclaimer! everyone experiences gender differently, so if none of what i say relates to you in any way, that’s ok! these are based off of my OWN experiences.

i’m not sure how to categorize this so i’ll just dump this here ???

as angels, the brothers weren’t created with any specific gender in mind. (to me, all angels present masculine but they aren’t men)

in the celestial realm, since the brothers didn’t really pay attention to their gender identity, they never really got time to explore it. so maybe all of them were some form of nonbinary ?? (i think agender)

it’s only AFTER they turned to demons, the thought of gender came to mind. (some brothers even changed their physical form)

(i wish i had the time to draw these ajwjdcx)

mammon.

bigender , he/she

▸ at first mammon didn’t really care 💀

▸ he was too busy trying to hold her family together.

▸ when mammon became a model, THATS when the topic of gender interested her.

▸ over the years, mammon had tested out nearly everything.

▸ a more feminine form, voice etc etc

▸ she was the first to actually transition ^^

▸ despite all the mean comments his brothers say 😒 they take it v seriously!!

▸ when mammon came to them to nervously ask them to use she/her for him sometimes, they all were v supportive :’)

▸ mammon keeps her masc form (the one in game) but time to time, mammon will change it to a more fem form on will

▸ his feminine body looks relatively similar, just shorter and slightly longer hair (think wolfcut)

leviathan (aka me projecting LMAO)

agender , she/he/they + neos

▸ *i haven’t fully decided what neos levi would use…+ i feel like he’d use multiple sets so its rlly up to ur choice lol

▸ anyway,, levi feels the MOST amount of dysphoria out of his brothers :(

▸ gender gets real confusing for them so he’s been through MULTIPLE identities in her lifetime

▸ for like the longest, levi didn’t know what to do abt his dysphoria…he hadn’t figured out how to change forms like mammon 😞

▸ mammon helped levi the most ^^ taught them how to change their body at will to help relieve any stress it might’ve brought.

▸ when levi decided they wanted a bigger chest, it worked for a little bit! …then he felt a little too feminine n the cycle repeats.

▸ they couldn’t find the right in-between for him so levi would kinda have breakdowns over it 🙁(me tbh…)

▸ mammon was right there trying to help his little bro.

▸ it wasn’t till much later, when mammon heard asmo talking about it, he learned about the existence of binders 😯

▸ offered the idea to levi, which was sort of confused by but yk, went along with it.

▸ the binder idea was great, it acted like a middle ground for him(?)

▸ he could present masc some days, while still having the body he preferred (levi does prefer fem bodies :)

▸ their bottom dysphoria is a mess, let’s not get into it 🧍🏽

▸ levi needed lots of reassurance when ‘coming out’ to his brothers. mammon was right behind him cheering him on :D

▸ every one of them all helped levi in little or big ways :’)

▸ asmo’s the brother who helped him with his physical appearance the most (buying clothes, styling hair)

▸ satan got books from the human realm that further dived into gender (i believe that the devildom doesn’t have much bc..again they dont generally care) to help levi find a label or anything else that could help :)

▸ belphie and him have some sort of solidarity between them

▸ both of them got similar issues so they’re just always there for eachother. even in silence.

▸ levi’s preferred body looks similar to how it is in game, tall lanky n kinda lean? (their weight fluctuates a lot..that’s a topic for a different post)

▸ but it’s more feminine as well! in the basic areas like the chest, hips and thighs. (more curves)

▸ but she keeps the body hair so…pretty much rivals beel when it comes to that lol

satan

no label , they/them

▸ satan already has identity issues..feels bad

▸ did they ever use it to differentiate themselves from lucifer? absolutely.

▸ did that cause more problems for them? absolutely.

▸ satan struggles just as much as levi, but they keep quiet about it.

▸ the only one they rlly confide in is asmo.

▸ they tested out different sets of pronouns, identities etc but nothing rlly fit...

▸ until belphie just straight up told them, they could just not go by anything.

▸ satan prefers not going by anything (honestly no pronouns is the best way to refer to satan…)

▸ less confusion, less things to worry about, they’d rather not think about it.

▸ satan’s form is still masc, they prefer it that way. (they do however, have a more feminine face i.e features. it’s really cute actually)

▸ does a lot of research to help out their brothers ^^

asmodeus

genderfluid , any prns

▸ the girlboy boygirl we all deserve AND needed!

▸ the most comfortable in his gender.

▸ asmo uses ALL pronouns and doesn’t mind what set you use !!

▸ typically their brothers will use a set that correlates to however asmo’s presenting as

▸ which changes a lot tbh…

▸ he loves to express his identity through clothes and always explores different ways to express himself.

▸ never sticks to one thing either…

▸ tbh, asmo doesn’t care for labels. she just slaps one on to make it easier for others to refer to him.

▸ prefers fem terms :]

▸ asmo’s form is a mix between feminine and masculine. at first glance, you can’t really tell (i wish i were him)

beelzebub

agender , he/him

▸ he just used he/him bc that’s what he’s used to and most comfortable in.

▸ still isn’t a man or fully identifies as one.

▸ beel doesn’t really care about his gender, he has more things to worry about.

▸ he cares more about his brothers though!!! always there for moral support:(

▸ specifically levi and belphie. beel knows they both struggle the most with it so he’s there with whatever they need :<

▸ his form is basically the same as canon. (his face IS more feminine tho...like satan its v v cute :)

belphegor demiboy , they/he/she

▸ like levi, struggles a lot.

▸ the worst part about it is that belphie doesn’t care enough to do anything about it.

▸ cue wallowing in your own discomfort for years… LMAO (me)

▸ nah but fr for the longest, belphie hasn’t felt truly comfortable in their own body.

▸ they were kinda in denial for a bit 😯…

▸ once the gears finally clicked, they told their brothers at like dinner and like everyone was like ?? why didnt you ?? say so ????

▸ cue all 6 of her older bros coddling him…cue belphie enjoying it bc he’s got the biggest younger sibling syndrome ever….

▸ belphie grew out their hair because it sorta helped. (and he was just lazy to cut it lol…)

▸ like mentioned before, he and levi has some sort of solidarity going on.

▸ they help eachother a lot (bc they understand eachother the most)

▸ funny, you’d think it would be beel…

▸ i mean, it IS most of the time. but it’s just nice to have someone like you yknow??

▸ his form is more feminine than masc, he probably just thinks having tits is more comfortable 😭💀

▸ their voice is relatively the same.. she was too lazy to change it hahdkcc

-val

#valsfw #obey me headcanons #mammon headcanons #leviathan headcanons #obey me satan headcanons #satan headcanons #asmodeus headcanons #asmo headcanons #beelzebub headcanons #beel headcanons #belphegor headcanons #belphie headcanons #these are all over the place #i wrote these in like 10 minutes goodnighjt

67 notes · View notes

nagitolovebug · 3 years

Note

Postgame be like:

Hajime: *wakes up from a killing game, probably still exhausted, having to deal with lots of different emotions*

Makoto: Okay so *gives Hajime the baby* this is yours, also congrats on coming out alive! Okay bye!!

Hajime: ???

OJFLJSFJSFSLF YEA PRETTY MUCH

it's genuinely not very fun....

like imagine the guy that you sorta kinda had feelings for but he died and you hate him but you also wanted to understand him so bad and maybe you could've loved him, maybe you do love him, and then you wake up and find out you two have a kid.

izuru purposefully withholds The Memories of bebi bc a) he's possessive, petty, and bitter b) hajime just found out he has an alter ego and alerting hajime of his presence right off the bat might be too much for him and he doesn't wanna destabilize hajime. but then makoto walks in holding a child ("hello, hajime. i'm makoto naegi, i'm with the future foundation and the head of the neo world program project-") and izuru can't stop the memory from surging forward bc he's so angry so hajime just feels a wave of inexplicable rage wash over himself and then vague memories of a familiar (familiar why is it so damn familiar) voice screaming ("don't take my baby, please don't take my baby from me,, izuru help me" ) and it's horrible, it makes hajime's heart ache and then as clear as day he sees makoto's face holding a younger version of the child he's holding now (he hears his own voice- deeper, more subdued) "if any harm comes to either of them-" "i will not let anything happen to komaeda-kun or the child-" "bebi." "bebi, kamukura-kun. I swear on my life." "what is your pathetic life to the safety of my family? pray that your life is all you lose if you break your promise. if there is a single scratch on either of them, I will make sure you and your loved ones suffer before I crush you under my heels. I swear on my life. and that's a promise that holds weight"

/ brief mention of trans male pregnancy under the cut

hajime backs away from makoto, cautiously. he knows from the screams he heard that the child makoto is holding is not his own, and izuru has reason to hate this man. "who are you really? and who's child is that. that's not your baby. what's going on. why does- why does izuru hate you. what did you to us- ....him"

and then bebi points and goes "da?" and hajime feels the swell of longing that doesn't belong to him, and falls over onto his pod.

"hajime...calm down. so- kamukura is still with you?"

"w,what's going on. what's going on??? wh- what did you do to us."

"im not telling you anything until I know who you stole that baby from and why I wanna hurt you so bad"

"hajime, i'm not sure that's the best idea right now, it's too much to take in at once-"

"....alright. Hajime, this is..Bebi Kamukura. your child."

"tell me. now."

"my...what?"

"kamukura-kun had his own life during despair..it lasted quite a few years and he...had a child. this is that child."

"hajime-"

"I- with who? are..are they still alive? are they here?? I...I dont remember anything. this has to be a mistake. how can I not remember my own fucking kid? or this- person, this goddamn soulless demon in my head fucking cared about enough to knock up. fuck."

"can I hold them."

"that's not a good idea"

"they're my fucking kid, aren't they?????? you're telling me I can't hold my own goddamn kid after all this shit you just put me through??????"

"hajime, calm down-"

"don't tell me to calm down! don't you dare tell me to calm down! let me see my baby!"

"hajime-"

and his red eye glows. so makoto complies.

"now."

makoto hands him bebi and he analyzes their face. he feels the buzz at the back of his head turn irrefutably warm and feels the first positive emotion from izuru since he woke up. he sees his own nose, the same down turn of the lips, hair curling slightly and sticking up like his does. but huge and bright grey eyes, swirling a little bit that reminds him of a warm smile and an extended hand, of a look of desperation in a trial room, of the blank, glazed over eyes of a corpse-

-and he lets out a sob.

"it's nagito's. it's nagito's, isn't it?"

"and yours"

"and.....and mine"

"can- can you take them?"

"of course."

"i..I need some-"

"time. of course. take all the time you need. I'll be back soon"

he goes from pod to pod, heart panging at seeing his dead friends again...stopping at nagito's pod and staring at his illuminated face, ghostly pale and surreal in the blue glow. and he places his hand on the pod and slumps over and cries.

"wake up. you have to wake up. you asshole. you let me get you pregnant and then you're gonna leave me here?? we've got a kid, nagito. a beautiful baby. I can't do this by myself- so. please..come back to me"

"why am I even telling you this. you can't hear me. would you even care? I'm not the man you fell in love with. not really. will you even let me see them, when you wake up? did you...really hate me? as much as you said? I. I never hated you, nagito. maybe I even loved you. but we can't figure this out if you don't come back. you have to. for me. for the baby. please."

#i am. trans guy hello #well transmasculine. none gender left boy #tokophobia #cw trans male pregnancy #komahina #kamukoma #bebi kamukura #anon

61 notes · View notes

rwby-sk · 3 years

Text

Roman Holiday

My review below the cut. Spoilers obviously

Dragosar1 if you’re reading this, stop now

Okay first of all 100/10 I loved the book. Everything. All of it. I have a few questions but fuck it that was good!

Okay the main review The story’s theme is a coming of age story for Neo. She’s trying to figure out who she really is and where her home is. She keeps getting thrown into different places to stay under different identities and it hurts her. But Lady Beat gives us the story’s whole theme

Balance. Everything is made of three parts (In contrast to Roman and Pyrrha claiming the world is only made of two: Light and Dark)

Neo has her three parts by the end of the story: Vanilla: Vanille, her life at her mansion with her parents - Her old life. Her old self. Her love of tea, her quick learning ability, her attitude Chocolate: Lady Browning’s Preparatory Academy for Girls - Her style. Her first taste at freedom by not breaking rules like before, but bending them. Avoiding them. Learning how to be self sufficient, proper, poised, and balanced Strawberry: Loosely, just pink. Roman’s apartment/life - Roman encourages her to be her own person. To let Neopolitan out. He compliments her pink hair. Buys her Hush in her color scheme, points out all the times pink is missing in her family’s house. He offers true friendship and a home

I love her dynamic with Roman. They’re not just buddies, but they’re not dating. They’re all each other have in the world and that’s enough. They care about each other more than anything. And occasionally flirt enough to keep the audience guessing if Neo is serious. (That age gap though, eh? If Roman is old enough to have seen the Malachite twins go to dance recitals, and Neo is their age..... eh)

Neo and killing: Yeah. It happens. But it’s done so well. Tossing a mob boss’s assistant out the back of a bullhead as she’s racing to save Roman? Not caring if she had a parachute or not? That’s Neo’s style. She didn’t revel in the death like some might think she would. She just didn’t care. It wasn’t as important as saving Roman As for her parents.... Well, when they treat you like crap your whole life, then reveal they were playing each other for power, and leaving you as a hostage sleeping on a bomb every night... Good for Neo

The fact that Neo made Roman’s outfit. Bought him that hat. Made that scarf. It hurts all the more that she wears them after his death

Neo’s whole personality is just a drive for two things: Freedom and Love She just wants someone to care about her and to be free to do what she wants Fuck everything else. Money isn’t real, what does she care? It’s not really even about the destruction or the mayhem. It’s just being free to do what she wants, unsheltered. And if Roman wants to steal coffee, then by the Brothers she will steal some coffee

Roman is this sassy dick and I love him so much. He’s a witty asshole and his sense of humor is SPOT ON in every scene. A quote from the book sums him up pretty well: “He didn’t mind cheating, as long as he did it fair and square.” Roman isn’t a bad guy. Sure he enjoys beating up people from time to time. But he really is just after the power. He just wants to be able to say he is somebody. That in the end, he mattered

So Neo cannot speak, but she can laugh, hiccup, giggle, ect. She never uses sign language. Maybe the boarding school and her parents never wanted to teach her in order to limit her? But she and Roman text and he figures out her gestures with little effort

IM SO GLAD THEY SAID IT. POINT BLANK. Roman never asks why Neo doesn’t speak. And she appreciates it. THANK YOU

There were all kinds of little things I loved learning. Neo loves tea, hates coffee. Roman does in fact do forgeries (Jaune transcripts HC still possible). Roman has aura but not a semblance. Neo’s semblance is slightly solid, depending on her concentration. Roman started out as a semi-caring individual but had it thrown in his face enough that he stopped caring

The line, “In my experience, some things are harder to mend than others, and the healing process can be long and painful” really hit me in the fucking face. Thanks CRWBY. Thank you so much

We know just before Roman’s Dust heists at the end of the book, Neo is 18. It can’t be long until Cinder makes contact and Vol.1 starts. So for Vol.1, I’d say Neo is around the same age as the protagonists, maybe a year or two older max

The FUCKING audacity Neo has in Volume 6 to show up in Lil’ Miss Malachite’s parlor to look for Cinder. The FUCKING audacity. To show up from the dead, after everything she put her through, ruining her plans for her take over of Vale? The unparalleled AUDACITY. Lil’ Miss probably would have threatened to shoot her if she wasn’t SO impressed by her

Overall, I think it was really faithful to the characters I really loved it I need to retcon my fics or start from scratch because I love this so much better

Lastly

Roman Torchwick x Lisa Lavender fics WHEN????

28 notes · View notes

mymarifae · 3 years

Note

would you like to talk about susie or berdly next? those weird. weird kids who everyone loves very much

i have another ask about berdly because i mentioned i needed to make my own au where he and noelle switch places because it seems people default to beat for beat snowgrave rewrites and i. am not convinced it would be possible with him. so anyway i will take This opportunity to talk about my wonderful daughter susie you'll see all thaaaaaat later <3

susie is my favorite dr character. she is one of my all time favorite characters Ever, actually, i think she's the best, her character development is so fucking good, it's been 1 day but the way she's grown still manages to feel natural and not rushed at all, oh my god, starts crying into my hands

she was never a bully... she never hurt anyone. she was just a lonely kid instantly judged by her peers and treated unfairly. a monster among monsters :( she had so much love in her heart, just. waiting, yknow? she wanted friends but no one gave her a chance. she latched on to the absolute bare minimum of kindness from noelle - she just gave her a pencil and smiled at her. and that Stuck with susie. yes, gay but also, that just goes to show how little kindness this kid has experienced in her life.

the second she was shown friendship she just blossomed. she repays the love she has been given in spades. im so so proud of her. she's so much happier and animated in ch2. has a goddamn FIT

i think, she suspects more than she lets on. im convinced she starts piecing together what's going on with kris after the spamton neo fight - i have no reason to believe this. kris's reaction is just very specific and is the most upset she's ever seen them. i suspect that in the flavor text for his shadow crystal, when it says "you saw susie glaring at you coldly", the 'you' there is referring to the player. not kris.

although that just may be me being insane because like if anything bad happens to her and kris's friendship i will. kill myself? i am going to Act Out. i will-

and in a snowgrave route, it won't take long for someone to realize Something has happened to berdly. susie will undoubtedly make the connection between him and cyber world very fast, and will also probably connect it to noelle's behavior and kris's sickened expression when they reunited.

alternatively: noelle told her everything while they were alone. it struck me as very interesting that susie makes the point to say "i'll tell you [what happened] later, kris." and then doesn't. maybe she knows she can't speak plainly in front of kris now

or i guess maybe they just kissed. im positive they kissed either way BUT LIKE

i wonder if we'll keep seeing her take agency in a way that prevents Our control of the story. like forcing the individual ACTs and dragging ralsei off. those probably weren't purposeful attempts to throw us off, because i think her theoretical suspicions are sparked by kris's reaction to spamton/snowgrave weirdness. she was just being susie. but, what might she do when attempting to trip up the freaky time god that may or may not be possessing kris?

susie appears to be growing more and more into the role of Hero, and i like to think that this means she'll be kris's hero, too. they are best friends. do not break my heart here toby i'll end up on national news don't test me

some stuff:

baby butch lesbian. that's it that's all i got

i can't decide between the lancer-extended family adopting her or toriel adopting her so Both. i have daily fits about the fact that there's a good chance she's homeless and doesn't have a family. so now she gets two with her two best friends (three, once i figure out how to put myself in deltarune to adopt her too)

i think she is very affectionate. she's still getting used to having friends but give her a few days. not in like a, touchy feely snugglywuggly kinda way. she just. constantly leans on all her friends. puts her head on their shoulders or rests her chin on top of their heads. lays her legs on their laps. she'll just casually lift up kris and hoist them over her shoulder for no reason. (this is part of why i hc kris as so short. easier for susie to carry them.) etc!

on that note she does really like holding hands :) she kinda just grabs people's hands bc they arent walking fast enough or something and then she forgets to let go

she gets really into baking.. cauldron baking from ralsei and normal person baking from toriel. she makes like really good desserts and then she also likes to see what will happen if she attempts to bake a mixture of chalk and playdough

another hobby i think she gets into is gardening. i have nothing to explain why i just made this up

this song reminds me of her

susie's upper body strength vs noelle's endurance. go.

(noelle wins. they go on a hike for a lovely picnic and susie is like im gonna fucking Die *wheeze* while noelle's happily trotting up the sheer face of a cliff without breaking a sweat)

actually i think she and berdly would be really funny friends so i hope that keeps up

#^^ i love susie very much. i need to. lay down #mailbox #i really do need a chatter tag for deltarune hmmhmhm

12 notes · View notes

kozzii99 · 3 years

Text

Found a video on my tiktok that said "if you never had gender dysphoria you aren't trans" And they couldn't be more wrong.

Because I'm litterally living proof of it. My text is red. The creators text is blue.

Not everyone needs to hate something about themself or feel like somethings wrong to be trans.

They can just feel that they aren't "normal" or like others around, and be who they want.

-------

But of course there is a difference between people who are trans and people who actually aren't.

And I have no right to tell you who is or who isn't. Because these people know if they are trans or aren't.

If you have dysphoria, yes, you are trans. But for those who don't have it or have tiny bits of it like myself it will be harder for people to believe you. Just hang in there okay?

--------

Let me explain me for a second.

I know I'm non-binary, because inside I do not have any connection to being female or male, and when im explaining it like right now, it's really hard to. I can't tell you what it means to me to be female or male, because Nothing about those mean anything to me. Why?

Because gender is a spectrum.

I see gender as a spectrum.

You can be ANYWHERE on the spectrum. You don't have to be "in this curtian area" or else you aren't trans.

Honestly focus on being yourself you'll figure it out eventually.

Gender is litterally like the colour wheel. You can be any colour down to just the colours code.

Some people see gender different than others. Its why there are so many sexualites and genders.

And if you don't fit in any of the ones already made, maybe its time for a new one. Or maybe you can use whatever one you are closest to but still be aware its not fully you.

I just call myself non-binary because of thr fact I have no connection to gender. Others can have other reasons for it.

-------

So yeah ofc some people are gonna see things differently than you because not very many people see a spectrum the same. Some people can't see it the same.

But if you say someones feelings are invalid when thst person is litterally being serious. Stfu. Because you CAN'T see what they see.

-------

Just respect people. If someone says they want to use

They/them.

Let them

She/her?

Let them.

He/him?

Let them.

Neo pronouns like dey/dem, ze/zer or zey/zhe ect?

Let them.

------

Ofc if you try and use being trans as clout and not actually pay attention to yourself and who u are. Please don't..

Explore yourself. And let people explore.

But don't ignore your feelings.

-----

Just a reminder if this seems all over the place I do ramble a lot. Just take your time thinking about this and peiceing it together.

And don't hate on me because I'm not saying anyone isn't valid. I'm just saying not everyone see's gender the same.

Is litterally why transphobia exists. Cus not everyone see's it the same.

My veiw on gender is as open as I can get it. I litterally try and veiw every single area of it.

---

Thank you for reading if you did.

And do share your veiw on gender in a positive manor if you wish. And don't hate on those who do because like I said not everyone sees things the same.

#lgbtq #gender is a spectrum #non binary #trans #transgender

7 notes · View notes

meow-bebe · 4 years

Text

Elusive

The First installment of my Neo Classics collection, ‘Elusive’ is set in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby.

“Ten Lee throws the most extravagant parties in New York, though he rarely seems to be in attendance himself. When you find yourself in his mansion one warm June evening, you aim to find the elusive Ten Lee and get a bit more than you bargained for.”

Paring: Ten Lee x reader, Jung Jaehyun x reader

Genre: Roaring 20s au, Jazz Age au, The Great Gatsby au

Warnings: quite a bit of alcohol, general debauchery, mentions of adultery, mentions of smoking, this one gets a bit suggestive (heavy make out session, removal of outer layers)

Word count: 6.4k

Tonight’s soundtrack: Booty Swing - Parov Stelar, It Ain’t Over - Monsta X, Catgroove - Parov Stelar, Miss Jackson - Panic! at the Disco, Love Talk - WayV, Nicotine - Panic! at the Dicso

A/n: hiya! before you read, i’d just like to say that this fic is my pride and joy. Its my child. It took me over a month to plan out and write, is the longest thing ive ever written, and im very very proud of it. so please, if you enjoyed elusive give it a reblog! send me an ask! just scream in the tags, but let me know you enjoyed it! ill appreciate it more than you can ever know, and it will definitely help to give me motivation to keep working on the next parts of neo classics.

“The bar is in full swing, and floating rounds of cocktails permeate the garden outside, until the air is alive with chatter and laughter, and casual innuendo and introductions forgotten on the spot, and enthusiastic meetings between women who never knew each other’s names.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

In all of New York, fanciful, expensive, outrageous New York, there was one man known far and wide for his parties. Those in attendance always returned touting fabulous stories of more liquor than an army could drink in a week, of the celebrities that shamelessly showed their faces, and of the cover that night and perhaps hundreds of people could offer to those wanting to make a fool of themselves or sneak off with a mistress. It couldn't be denied that they were possibly the best parties in the whole state.

And the man behind it all? The elusive Ten Lee.

Ten was an enigma, a figure shrouded in mystery despite opening his property to all those who fancied a wild night most weekends. Very little was known about him to the general public. Even many of those in his own social circle knew little to nothing about the man. Supposedly he had inherited most of his fortune, and having only begun taking up residence in New York in the past year or so there was quite a bit of speculation that he was foreign. Despite being the topic of many a gossip column, Ten wasn’t exactly a public figure, and it seemed that this absolute lack of information about him bled into the atmosphere of his extravaganzas as well. Many of his regular partygoers never bothered to question his presence, or lack thereof. Ten had always interested you, and upon your invitation to one of his grand functions, you had decided that this was the night you would meet the little known Mr. Lee.

Not that you were truly invited, but not many people were. Most just came anyway, saying they knew someone who was involved with Ten, or they had known him before he claimed his inheritance and became the Mr. Lee that all high class New Yorkers knew of. (Or was there a time before? Perhaps he had started out just as anyone else and his sudden acclamation of a large sum of money led him to spend on the most frivolous of things. Or maybe the man had arrived from his mother’s womb as the classy and expensive bachelor he was known as. No one seemed to know.) No matter what their story was, each attendee often brought along several plus ones. Automobiles would bear them out to Long Island, and they would flood onto the lawn, ready to dance and drink and make good use of all the expensive treats Ten provided.

It was through a friend that you found yourself being driven out to the island one evening in late June. This was not your first Lee party, and it would not be your last, however you, unlike many of the other guests, held on to some shred of dignity and only showed up when invited. Even if you were only brought along because Irene didn’t want to be seen alone, it was something. Not that she ever kept to herself for long.

Irene, a close friend of many years, was a self proclaimed rising starlet, although in reality she had been a very minor character in two films. She could be a bit dramatic at times (as her “profession” called for), and her title as “actress” was certainly an exaggeration. Still, she was a dear friend to you no matter how much she liked to stroke her own ego. And using her small claim to fame, Irene had managed to worm her way into the heart and car of a man who was also trying to make his way in the film business. You suspected he was about as in the public eye as Irene. Nevertheless, he had managed to get an invitation through one of his higher-ups and invited Irene to accompany him, which of course meant you would be tagging along as well. And truly, it wasn’t as if you minded. You enjoyed a night out as much as the next person, and Irene was your ticket into many affairs you wouldn’t otherwise find yourself attending.

There were a few others driving out with you, all chattering amongst themselves and buzzing with excitement for the coming night. Irene, placed strategically in the front seat, appeared to have latched onto the driver as her catch of the night. This was expected, after all he had been the one to invite her. You didn’t fool yourself into thinking she would stay by your side for very long anyway, Irene was notorious for ditching you as soon as a particularly good looking man showed up. You were fine on your own, and didn’t usually mind being left to your own devices. Depending on where you were you often got the urge to explore, after all the rich lead different lives, and getting a glimpse of that was always a good time. Irene often encouraged you to find someone of your own to pass the time with, and while sometimes you would find someone who could hold a half decent conversation, it was never very high on the night’s agenda. Though it seems tonight, in a rare break from your usual habit of flying solo, you had found someone. An attractive young man who had been introduced to you as Mr. Jung was seated at your side, and had begun talking quietly with you as the automobile sped along towards the island.

“You look quite dashing tonight, Miss一?”

His voice was deep and soft, gentle and just a tad bit sultry.

“Y/l/n. Y/n Y/l/n,” you fill in.

“Miss Y/n Y/l/n,” Mr. Jung muses, and though you’ve heard them many times before the familiar words feel different when he says them like that, perfectly proper in his every action except for the slight seductive tone slipping through his barriers. A pleasant shiver runs down your spine as he takes your hand and presses a chaste kiss to your gloved fingers, the black of the silk making a nice contrast with his pretty pink lips. “A beautiful name, though not as beautiful as the one who holds it.”

You giggle, raising the hand not grasped in his to cover your mouth, and reply, “Oh Mr. Jung, how you flatter me.”

“Please,” he lets your fingers slip out of his, “just call me Jaehyun.”

Well, perhaps not entirely proper, but there was no denying that you were enjoying the attention he was laying on you. Finding Ten Lee might be the final goal of tonight but he could be notoriously hard to find, and even if you did have ulterior motives there was no reason you shouldn't enjoy yourself in the meantime. Jaehyun had been nothing but gracious and flattering, and it never hurt to have a gorgeous man’s arm to cling to. You chat idly with Jaehyun for the rest of the ride out to Ten’s mansion, words flowing freely between you the whole time yet each learning not a single note worthy detail about the other.

By the time you arrive, just before dusk is preparing to settle herself over the bay, the party is already in full swing. Though the real festivities begin once night falls, many guests arrive in the afternoon, early enough to enjoy the section of the beach that falls on Ten’s property. They swim in the green glass waves of the bay and generally enjoy everything that the mansion has to offer while it's still light out before changing into evening wear in one of the many spare rooms and coming down the wide marble staircases in pairs, ready to throw themselves into the pulsing energy of the night.

The beach is now empty as the unfamiliar man in the front seat pulls into the long drive snaking up the lawn and tries to find a place to park amongst the crowd of other automobiles. People dressed to the nines, still in their swimming suits, and everything in between trail up the lawn, bright light and the sound of many people talking all at once enticing them towards the house.

The car comes to a stop, finding a lucky spot not too far from the house, the excitement rolling off each and every person surrounding you palpable in the air. Jaehyun opens the door and steps out before offering a hand to help you down. You take it with a slight smile, T-strap heels clicking against the pavement as you dismount and shut the door. The hand placed on top of Jaehyun’s quickly found its way to his elbow as he leads you up the lawn towards the french doors, thrown wide open and spilling the bright light that illuminated the inside and the growing noise of the party as people traversed in and out of the house.

Irene and the driver were not far behind you, a familiar flirtatious bounce in her step as they traipse up the lawn. You knew from the way she looked at him一predatorial, like she was going to devour him but make him feel like he was the one doing the stalking一that you wouldn’t be seeing much of her after a certain point in the night. This wasn’t uncommon for Irene, she always said she liked the “thrill of the chase without having to do the chasing.” You supposed your own plans for tonight weren’t all that different, what with your search for the host. Usually that would’ve bothered you, as you didn’t particularly approve of Irene’s galavanting at events she shouldn’t really be present at in the first place, but tonight you were too wrapped up in the events unfolding to care all that much.

The tiered silk of your dress swished against your calves, the heavy beading giving it a swing which accentuated the swing of your hips that grew with your confidence as you made your way up the wide steps leading to Ten’s front door. With each stride you take forward the noise inside seemed to dull a bit, fading away until it was just a buzzing murmur in the background. Your vision zeroes in on the mahogany doors, a small window to what felt almost like a whole other universe contained inside the mansion. You tended to get star-struck easily, but there was something different about the feeling tonight. An excitement burned in your veins, one you had never felt before, as if your body was in the know about some mysterious outcome or event of tonight. It felt as though you were surrounded by a bubble of water that hazed over the silhouettes of people and faded the harmonies of the symphony buzzing somewhere inside, laughter and the faint clinking of glasses tinny in your ears.

There was something about the atmosphere that drew you in. You would never quite be able to explain the feeling, that odd tugging deep in your chest yanking you forward by some invisible string of fate. All feeling seemed to have left you except the aching want to throw yourself into the fray and dance until your feet fell off, drink until the sun came up, feel the burn of others’ cigarette smoke in your lungs until you choked, search for a companion until you found the right one.

Time had slowed, and the usual clacking of your heels deepened to a hearty thud for each step you took. Every movement dragged you farther down under the surface, your sense of anything outside the confines of the house melting away until you had been utterly consumed by the muted liveliness of the party before you had even joined in. Everything happened so fast for being in slow motion, and before you could get the gears turning once again and recognize that you were no longer on the path leading to the steps Jaehyun was leading you through the double doors. The bubble popped. Imaginary water came crashing down around you, streaming off your hair and down your dress. The sensation was so strong you could swear that you felt the rivulets on your arms, the dampness of your hair on your neck.

Everything was suddenly crystal clear, blurred forms regaining their sharp edges and an almost overwhelming surge of music and din of conversation assaulting your senses all at once. You look down at the ground, somewhat disoriented and almost expecting a puddle of water underneath you, drips falling from the hem of your dress, but there was nothing. The ground was dry, as it should be, and you shook your head slightly to yourself in hopes it would draw you back to reality a bit.

As Jaehyun tugs you along, slipping nimbly through the crowds gathered in the tastefully decorated foyer, you simultaneously began to regain your wits and let your thoughts drift. An odd mix of cigar smoke, lust, and overbearing perfume hung in the air, threatening to put you in a trance and drag you away. There was always a feeling of disconnection with the world around you that creeped in at Ten’s parties. Often you would let it carry you away, but tonight you were here for more than just your own enjoyment, and so you clung to Jaehyun like a lifeline. He would glance back at you every few seconds, a reassuring smile on his face as your hand on his arm began to squeeze just a little tighter, the tiniest bit afraid you would lose him in the kinetic chaos of dancing and laughing.

No guest goes without a glass of something to wash their inhibitions right down the drain, and many swipe the tiny sandwiches or pastries offered by butlers expertly balancing platters of hors d'oeuvres in hand as they expertly navigate through the throngs of people. You’re no black sheep tonight, for Jaehyun presses a glass of expensive champagne into your hand as you seek a somewhat less crowded place to enjoy the night, a replica clutched in his own. There are none who stand alone in this crowd, either surrounded by a group just as free spirited as themselves or paired off, hanging off their partners’ arms and not so subtly sneaking suggestive glances at each other.

For each corner you turn you see a familiar face一an old acquaintance from school, a friend’s sister, the man who works at the bank. But just as quickly as you recognize them their identities slip from your mind, partly from a combination of the overwhelming amount of people crowding around you on every side and the buzz of energy and alcohol.

Ten’s parties were known for being quite anonymous to those looking for a good time. Those in attendance would always see people they knew outside the bubble of safety Long Island offered on night like these, yet no matter how scandalous their behavior it would never become public knowledge. Gossip was unavoidable, yet that was always how it stayed一mere gossip for the wealthy ladies to discuss over tea. As darkness fell over the bay so came a cloak of anonymity that drew in people like moths to a lightpost.

An hour or so of aimlessly wandering the three story mansion, people have dispersed a bit which means that the rooms are a bit easier to navigate, though there is still no lack of bodies. You trail along through the groups of dancers, some getting drunk, all throwing caution to the wind (perhaps a little too much). The symphony had changed songs, now playing something with a bit more of a sexy tone to it and you sway slightly along to the beat as you walk. Idly chatting with Jaehyun, one hand on his arm and the other filled with a glass of something sticky sweet to replace the long gone champagne, the two of you traverse through Ten’s mansion, both surveying the rooms and glancing at the people passing by.

He’s got quite the handsome face, and most people wouldn’t look past that on a night such as this. But he’s looking for something tonight, you can see it in his eyes. The subtle way his gaze flicks up and down the figures of women in dresses fancier than yours as he uses eyeing the crowds for a clearish path as an excuse to not be looking solely at you. The slight desire he holds as his eyes take in the people milling about matches exactly with the look he gave you when you first sat down next to him in Irene’s friend’s car, and the way he flicks nervously between observing the other women in the room and you, still holding fast to his arm, lets you know that he’s not yet sure if you’re what he wants.

It doesn’t bother you though. He’s not what you’re looking for tonight either.

You’re looking for Ten. Though you only vaguely knew what he looked like, you always kept one eye sliding over the many people you run across, hoping to see a face that would strike you as the one person that intrigues you most. You’ve always heard rumors that he never seems to be present at the parties he throws, but personally you have a hunch that he likes to hide in the cover of the crowds. You’ve done your fair share of research about the man, not that drunken recollections and idle gossip are much to go off of, but none of the people you’ve asked about him seem to care all that much. Free drinks, a good time, and the beautiful people that crowded into Ten’s mansion was enough to make most forget about the mysterious host within a matter of minutes.

But not you. He intrigues you too much, and though you’ve been tempted to drown yourself in the pleasure offered up on all sides, your quest to find Ten is more important.

Not so important that you can’t enjoy yourself as you search though. Jaehyun is good company, and the two of you mingle amongst the other guests. As you drift along, you meet people you would never believe were really there, had really talked with you, were it not for the reputation that Ten’s extravaganzas held and the fact that you had seen them with your own eyes. Actors, musicians, the richest of the rich, all to be found in the same house at the same time. Supposedly he knew many of them personally and had genuinely invited them. Many of the stories you’ve heard sounded more like they were just fantasies that had been made up with the help of some strong liquor and many expensive looking partygoers, but it seemed as though there was more truth to them than expected. Ten was a strange figure, and while most just take advantage of the numerous bars and sensually lit gardens, you’re itching to get to the bottom of the mystery that is Ten Lee.

After several hours of drifting here and there in the house, you and Jaehyun find your way down to the gardens. The party still rages on the lawns, though there are a few less people and a bit more space. It's just as well lit as inside, and the alcohol flows just as plentily. Your surroundings are somewhat more tame, as people have more space to move around and less reason to do so.

After exploring the gardens for a while, you nudge Jaehyun and tell him that your feet have begun to feel tired, after all standing around in heels for several hours isn’t exactly the most fun you’ve ever had. The two of you find a place to sit quickly, and you settle at a table already set up with a small group. A company of eight gorgeous figures sit there, several paired off with a partner equally as stunning on their arm. (You have to wonder; were only those perceived by the host as beautiful invited? What of those who just showed up?) Irene is among them, the reason you had decided on this particular table. She shares a drink with the driver from earlier, talking with you when necessary though most of her attention was focused on the man on her right. You sit to her left, with Jaehyun on yours. Swirling your drink around, you do your best to pay attention to Irene, although it’s not going so well.

Something, or someone, has caught your eye.

Your attention is brought back to the conversation you’re supposed to be participating in when Irene laughs一a high pitched sound that could be perceived as either mellifluous or grating depending on your temperament一as tonight’s beaux says something that’s supposed to be funny. You don’t think he’s particularly humorous but half heartedly play along anyway, eyes unabashedly set on the man sitting across the table and to the right a bit.

He’s truly ethereal, both in looks and mannerisms. With a sharp and elegantly curved nose, dark hair swept tastefully to the side, and a sparkle of something dangerous you can’t quite place but find attractive anyway in his catlike eyes, he draws stares not just from you, but all across the garden. The sharp contrasting colors of his tuxedo seem to brighten his honeyed skin, his every movement graceful as he entrances you, all dazzling smiles and pretty features.

You can tell that he’s so much more than that though. There are layers and layers to this man, all hidden just below the surface, and you feel the desire to claw your way into him and analyse every bit swelling somewhere in the back of your mind as he catches your eyes locked on him. His smile grows just the slightest bit before he turns back to the light flirtation he seemed to be pressing upon the woman next to him.

Though he had been an ideal partner for the earlier parts of the night, Jaehyun is almost forgotten in the presence of this new man. However, not so much that you don’t notice his attention drifting to another table. Watching his line of vision, you locate the young woman he has his eyes set on. She’s not hard to find, beautiful even compared to the other guests she’s gathered with. Wearing a slinky red dress topped with a fur shawl, she’s certainly quite the sight to see, and your companion has been observing her for a while now.

It appears you weren’t what he was looking for after all.

“Jaehyun,” you say, sipping on your drink delicately, “You should go on without me for a bit. I see how you’re eyeing the bar over there.”

It’s a lie. His eyes flick from you back in the direction the woman in red was for just a second, and though it barely happened, a subtle movement that seemed instinctive, ot’s enough to give him away. Though he does his best not to show it you can see the recognition that you’ve seen through his show of keeping his eyes solely on you dawning in his eyes.

“Ahh, but I shouldn’t leave you alone.” Still the same gentleman you met in the back of the automobile. Or perhaps he was just putting up appearances, there was no way to tell. It didn’t really matter anyway, you had your sights set on something higher than the possibility of the deeper fragments of this man’s personality.

“I’ll be fine,” you wave off his concerns nonchalantly. “I’m not alone anyway, I’ve got Irene here!” At the sound of her name your friend looks over, leaning on the tabe slightly as she sends a wink at you and Jaehyun.

You read the wink as more of a “I see you eyeing your man, if you don’t disappear with him it’s quite a shame and I might just take the responsibility upon myself,” although you were hoping Jaehyun, who you assumed was unused to Irene’s wiley charms, would see it as more of a “I’ve got Y/n, you go on now.”

Either way, he seemed to take the hint, although he remained reluctant.

You pat his arm, “You go and have fun, Jaehyun, I don’t want to drag you down.”

“Not at all,” he replied gently, and it seemed to you almost calculated the way his eyes didn’t stray from you in the moment. You weren’t sure why he was bothering to keep up the premise that he would be returning, that his interest in you hadn’t evaporated the moment the fur shawled woman pulled his attention to her the very first time. You both knew, and no one around you was aware enough of their surroundings to pay you any attention. But no matter, it wasn’t important to you.

“Well,” his words are hesitant, as if unsure of his decision, “if you insist. Would you like me to grab you anything?”

“No, no, thank you but I’m alright.”

As he stands up and pushes his chair back into place, Jaehyun gives you one last look. It’s apologetic, he isn’t particularly proud of the way he was just leaving you for someone a bit more flashy and boisterous. But again, you don’t care. He can either deal with the guilt in the morning or drink enough to forget the whole night, it was no longer your problem. It hadn’t been since you locked eyes with the pretty man across the table.

Before Jaehyun was even out of sight the man you had been watching across the table catches your gaze once again. This time he stands and sidles over to the chair on your left that Jaehyun had abandoned moments before, sitting lightly beside you.

“Good evening.” His voice, low and silky with a hint of an accent you can’t quite recognize, would have knocked you right over if you were the swooning main character of some unrealistic romance film. He takes your hand and presses it to his lips, a coy smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Might I ask whose presence I’ve been graced with tonight?” he inquires, and you tell him your name. “Miss Y/n,” he repeats. "Pretty." You raise an eyebrow at this, enjoying his efforts nonetheless.

“And you? What’s your name?”

He merely hums in response. “Has anyone told you that you look gorgeous tonight darling?” You let his avoidance slide, momentarily moving on. Some people wished to not reveal themselves, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t continue to enjoy his company.

“They have, in fact,” you say, thinking back to Jaehyun. You glance across the room but he’s long gone, the woman dressed in red having disappeared as well.

“As it should be.”

Your attention is drawn back to your current suitor, and the nights former flirtations are quickly forgotten as conversation strikes up between the two of you. Every other word out of his is some flirtation or another, and you absolutely bask in the attention that the cat eyed man lays on you. His forearms are leaned on the table, and he’s staring up at you as if you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. You’re sure that your face mirrors his, but in your case it’s true. He really is the most strikingly beautiful human being you’ve ever had the pleasure to set eyes on. And for the moment, he’s all yours.

There’s something oddly familiar about him though, and the fact that you can’t figure out why is rubbing you the wrong way. It would be quite impossible to forget a face like that. The feeling is not so much recognition as it is that odd niggling feeling of deja vu that plagues your thoughts in a situation that you know you’ve never experienced before. You try to stay slightly wary of his presence, but he’s downright entrancing and your focus slips to his stunning features every time you feel like you’re approaching the answer as to who he is.

You’re unsure of how much time has passed when he leans closer to you, lips brushing lightly against the hair falling over your ear. “Perhaps we could find somewhere we could talk a little bit more一” He sets a hand on your waist and a shiver runs up your spine一 “privately.”

You grin slyly as he pulls away, awaiting an answer with his own smirk.

“It would be my pleasure.” You glance over to Irene, thinking you should let her know that you would be sneaking off for a while, but she was already gone.

And so, all suspicion tossed right out the window, you follow this handsome stranger. His arm tucked securely around yours, the two of you dash up through the bright gardens, whisking by the tables full of couples making eyes at each other and under the pretty strings of lights, up the lawn and once again through the french doors, still wide open, although with less people flooding in and out. You duck through the crowd of people still meandering around in the foyer, expertly weaving around dancers and drinkers. He takes you through the ballrooms and up a few grand sets of grand staircases, which you certainly would have tripped down were it not for the tight grip he had now moved to your waist.

“You seem to know your way around quite well, do you come here often?” you inquire as you slip down a hallway that was mostly devoid of guests.

That odd, dangerous glint you saw when you first caught sight of him reappeared in his eyes. “You could say that,” he chuckled.

Before you could wrap your head around what that meant he was pulling you into a spacious bedroom at the end of the hall and letting his hold on you cease to draw the door shut behind him. You turn away from him and marvel at the bedroom he had chosen. The room (which you assume to be a spare) is although fairly simple obviously belonging to someone extremely wealthy.

A pretty chandelier hangs from the ceiling, and you have the feeling that the cufflinks scattered across the desk and the edging of the mirror above the vanity might just be real gold. You can see expensive velvet peeking out of the slightly ajar wardrobe, and just from glancing at them think the bedsheets to be silk.

The only light in the room comes from the golden gleam of the gardens spilling through the french windows. The pretty glow gives the moment a sensuous and romantic feel, and you turn back to the cat-eyed man. He basks in the golden light, as if he knows that it's good to his complexion, accentuating the honeyed tone of his skin and shining in his hair.

A hopeful smile works it’s way across your face, a gleam of eros in your eye as you take a step closer to him, hoping he doesn’t turn out to be a total bore like many of the men you meet at parties. A matching desire shows on his face, fingers reaching up to begin working at the black material of his bowtie. He expertly undoes the knot, and tosses the inconsequential scrap of fabric to the side.

Placing a hand on your waist, he draws you towards himself as he takes small steps backwards, eventually landing against the wall with a slight thud. Your arms wind their way around his neck, and you press yourself up against him, sandwiching his lithe body between yours and the wall.

As he traces your features with his eyes, a slight change occurs deep within them, a darkness pooling in his pupils and that familiar hint of danger from earlier making itself present once again.

The corners of his mouth tug upwards slightly, and as he leans forward you tilt your head to nudge your nose against his, eyes fluttering shut. You meet him halfway, lips pressed together in a light kiss, almost as if you were just testing the waters, unsure as to whether you were truly interested.

And, come to find out, you definitely were. His mouth was soft on yours, keeping your pace for the moment. You draw back for a moment, taking a breath and reinitiating the kiss, plunging yourself into his mysterious depths.

He tastes of secrecy and some sweet cordial you can’t quite place, and you have never known something quite so heavenly. The heavy feeling of his mouth on yours is addictive, all your senses alight at once, and your hands grasp the lapels of his jacket, trying to draw him closer despite there being no space left between you.

“What should I call you?” you whisper against his lips as you come up for air. His eyes flick open, meeting your own as you take a step back and pull him along to slip your hands under the shoulders of his jacket. He chuckles slightly, detaching your hold on him to undo the button and slip out of his jacket, hanging it over the back of the chair before the vanity.

“That doesn’t matter.” His hands resume their rightful place on your waist, one sliding down to your hip and drawing you into his figure. “Just enjoy yourself.”

“Oh, trust me,” you press a kiss to his jaw, taking his hand and slinking out of his embrace to place yourself on the end of the bed, “I am.” (You don’t notice until later, but the sheets were in fact silk.)

You tug him along to where you sit, bringing him forward and between your knees. You tilt your head upward as your hands come to rest on his waist, sealing your lips together again.

You lose yourself to him, the feeling of his thin, wandering fingers tracing your silhouette and the way he pays the same amount of attention to every inch of your body, as if he was trying to memorize every dip and curve of your figure under the silk of your dress. The sweet taste of his mouth entrances you, and when he moves to press his lips to your neck or the line of your jaw between long winded kisses you feel as though you’ve ascended.

Time no longer exists in the muted bubble of a third floor bedroom in an unfamiliar house. Perhaps it’s only been seconds, and maybe you’ve been locking lips with a handsome stranger for hours, the party melting away to make way for dawn to dutifully traipse her way into the sky. Nothing matters anymore, you’re far too immersed in the passion of the moment to pay much attention to anything other than your unnamed lover.

Though in reality it’s only physical, he’s explored you so much that you feel with each slide of his tongue against yours he reveals another one of your secrets, one of your stories, something only you know. Despite the intimate impersonality of finding a lover in a stranger, despite the illusion of invasiveness that his careful movements bring, you want to fully surrender yourself to this feeling. Breaking a particularly lengthy kiss, he presses on your shoulder to get you to lean back, and you rest your weight on one hand behind you, the other busy clutching at the silky strands of his hair.

“You know,” you say, words broken in between the slotting of your mouths back together, “I came to this party in search of the ever so elusive Ten Lee, but goodness一” you press a particularly sloppy kiss to his lips, and he hisses as you tug gently on his hair一 “I do believe I’ve found something much better.”

“Oh, darling, don’t you see?” He presses on your shoulder again, and you fall back to sprawl yourself across the bed. He hovers over you, dipping to kiss the corner of your mouth. “I am Ten.”

With a smirk that would haunt you for the rest of your days, he gives you one last mindblowing kiss before evaporating into the shadows of the room, straightening the black vest he wore and slipping his suit jacket back on. As you pushed yourself back up so you were supported by your hands behind you, dazed and trying to comprehend what he had just whispered against your skin, Ten turned to look at you. He threw you one last look, a dangerous, beautiful look, before slinking out the door, back into the whirlwind of dancing and debauchery.

That night would never leave your mind.

No matter how many parties you attended, no matter how many men circulated through your life, no matter how much you drank, you could never forget Ten. And you’ve tried. He would forever live in your mind, fleeting thoughts of a bedroom flooded with golden light, of his discarded suit jacket, of that gleam in his eyes the first time you saw him.

It would take you many years and much consideration to finally figure out what that look in his eye was, that strange mirth you had never seen another wearing. Later in life, when you’re much wiser and have experienced more than your younger self who met Ten could even imagine, it comes to you one day. You realise that he seemed to find as much pleasure in the facade he presented to the world, the fanciful rumors and scandalous whispers that followed him like a shadow, as he did in the heated intimacy you shared in a darkened bedroom one night of the Roaring Twenties.

You would attend many more parties held in that mansion, sometimes dragged along by Irene, sometimes finding yourself there alone and unsure of why a somewhat faded memory keeps leading you back here. Every time, you held onto a fleeting hope that you could see just a glance, a sliver of the man you met that fateful night. But as much as you held onto the notion that you would see him again someday, you knew it was foolish. Ten’s reputation preceded him, and he liked to uphold that reputation.

True to your logic, Ten would never make himself known to you again. For years you would search, a futile attempt to prove to yourself he wasn’t just something you dreamed up in the haze of alcohol and the feeling of weightlessness one can only find on Long Island Sound on Saturday nights as the extravagant parties thrown by a man who rarely showed his face rage on.

Ten Lee, larger than life, beautiful, nebulous Ten Lee, truly was elusive, barely more than a shadow to his grand reputation.

77 notes · View notes

super-lemon-sama · 6 years

Text

I had another super realistic dream-

Just like the dream wife dream, it felt like that was my real life, like I was actually there.

Sadly this is one of the dreams I don’t remember as well as other but what basically happened was two things. I made friends with this dude and his friends and found out I had a crazy stalker.

the dream will be under the cut and also I made some pictures for it too! ^^

So I was living in this apartment that was basically just one room and a closet ((I mean but I liked it so what'evs i guess. also it was literally just the computer room we had in Oklahoma that I felt was very nice some days and very scary other days.))

there are a couple bits I remember better than others, one that I somehow befriended this guy (who I very specifically thinking in my head in the dream as I was looking at him that His hair was Neapolitan colored and it made me laugh, and so I called him Neapolitan and Neo' from then on.) I don’t remember how we met or what we were talking about before it happened (maybe I was at a party???) but I remember we hadn’t known each other that long but I asked him to walk me home bc I had been getting a creepy feeling all day and he was like "hmmm aight'"

and I held out my hand and he was like

"????what???"

so I dead ass super serious was like

"You gotta hold my hand, it's a sign of trust in my culture, and is good luck."

lmaooo I mean in my dream the culture thing was true but I also remember thinking that it would help me tell if he decided to pull out a knife for some reason. ((Like this dude wasn’t even a badie, I was just super suspish of everyone that day))

Anyway we're walking outside in a park or somin and we approach this building. you know how at beaches or public pools they have a building that are like a bathroom for girls and guys but separated by side?

Like this

Well dudes like

"hey, I need to pee, you okay if we stop for a sec?"

and I was like

"hhhhhhhhhdshghjgs yeahiguess."

obviously only more scared since we left. and he's like

"look if you're really so worried then just come into the bathroom with me and stand outside the stall, that way I’m right there if something happens and you can look out for trouble for me."

and so obvi I’m like

"//gasp// I can’t go in THERE! That’s the boys room!"

so neos like

"It's like 12 at night, Literally no one's around to care, you'll be fine. You know unless we aren’t actually alone muahaha"

and I’m like

"shuuut your shit up, I’m big scared okay... fine, just hurry up"

and we walk in

And I’m just realizing now that even though it was the boys room that is literally was just a girls bathroom with just stall and no urinals lmaooo

it looked a lot like this

i remember it very specifically being really dimly lit and the colors were very blue grey, and dark green

i also remember looking down to see if anyone was in one of the stalls but we were in the clear

Anyway as he peed i was getting really nervous and had a daydream thing like I used to get sometimes in Oklahoma where I very vividly imagined something happening. it was of this figure phasing through the wall and running at me really fast

the figure looked like this at first

Its head was covered in this thick tough flesh that made me thing of those rubber masks they make for Halloween, but really thick, once it reached me its face changed into a mans face, but I don’t remember what it looked like, just that he was smiling

I got really scared when I snapped out of it and started hearing a really loud breathing coming from the the stall closest to the exit

as well as this low humming tone that kept getting louder and closer. I saw the latch to the stall start sliding so I screamed to Neapolitan that we need to run right now

and neo busts through the stall I was guarding and grabs my hand and we zoom tf out of that place all the way back to my apartment. like I dead ass was so exhausted that I was actually panting and trying to catch my breath in my dream. like never in my life have I felt like that while in a dream, it was wild.

he was like

"whoa, that was scare as fuck, what the shit???? Do you like,,,,, want me to stay over tonight and make sure nothing happens?"

and I'm like

"KJDFLKADGFALKGFALKDHJ YESPLEASE"

like sobbing but also dying from running so literally nothing I said was anything close to comprehensible, but he got what I meant.

I only got the pullout couch and offered him to sleep on top while I sleep under it ((it's what I do okay, that's not even my weird ass dream logic thats my real ass what I do irl logic))

and he was like,

"nah that's okay you got a pretty comfy chair, i'll just chill in this and keep watch okay?"

and I like got choked up again bc I was literally so thankful. like even rn even though it was a dream I still feel really thankful???? i just normally never speak to people in my dreams really so it's like more important to me?? Idk

but I remember waking up (in my dream) and seeing him like passed out in the chair arms crossed and it was super funny, but I wake him up and I'm like

"hey thanks for being so cool man, let me buy you breakfast."

and he's like

"Oh man, that sounds great, thanks!"

I vaguely remember that we ate from my apartments like bed and breakfast buffet thing but I don’t remember it that well, but I do remember that some stuff happened after that that had to do with hallways and that going back to my apartment the land lord was standing in front of my door and he was like,

"hey uhhh, I got some bad news for you..."

and I'm like

"uhhhhhhhhh whaaaaat???"

so I remember the landlord sitting in my chair and telling me about how someone broke into my apartment but I wasnt really listening bc there was a storage box on the floor and hanging off of it were a couple of necklaces. ((necklaces I have in real life btw)) but one very specifically that I wore like every day in middle school and the beginning of high school that I had lost not to long after moving into the apartment ((this was true irl and the dream))

the necklace was a thin gold chain with a bunch of miss matched charms on it

I was fixated on it because literally how could it be here right now and why does it look different????

i pick it up and it has a bunch of copper pennies attached to it

it was SCARY vivid, like I was strapped into this dream like it was real life and even my dream self was looking at it like it was crazy real

I remember how the pennies were copper and pretty clean and how they weren’t just added to the ends but mixed into the other charms so whoever did this took the time to take off all the charms and place them back on a certain way with the pennies, I remember the weight of it in my hands when I picked it up and the specific weight at the bottom of the chain from all the pennies and charms

oh man I remember the chinkling sound it made and when i picked it up and I got that panic attack hot cold and nauseous feeling all over. Because I specifically wore that necklace because of the sound it made when I wore it. I liked the clinking sound it made, and who ever took it KNEW THAT

Sometime later im chillin with the dude and his friends, ((it's two other girls)) and I dont remember exactly what we were talking about but this one girl with pokey straight black hair says

"Oh for sure!"

confirming that she agreed with some sort of sentiment. she was just a bold person. not loud and obnoxious and not mean. she just had a up front opinion is all, and I thought she was really cool.

oh and we're all chilling on this deck thing but it's like indoors

we got a bunch of books and magazines and stuff

and neo is layin across me, like not in a funky way, but in a chill friend way and everything is chill and he moves closer to my face as he's asking me something and im in the middle of answering him when I get really tense bc I suddenly realize he's really close to my face and that I could totally smooch him if I wanted to. which like I did but I don’t deal with that kinda stuff well so I probably would have just laid there awkwardly not saying anything while I screamed internally until he's like "uhm you okay?" but my alarm woke me up so I'll never know what dream me would have done. Lmaooooo

any stressor like that dead ass makes my head go "brain function .exe has stopped working, please close out and try again later" so maybe that lmaooo

anyway, that was pretty much all I remembered, but just like the dream wife dream it was CRAZY real.

I hope that wasnt to boring to read or to hard to understand! ^^;

#my art #dream #neapolitan dream #scary dream #nightmare #long post

6 notes · View notes

chichorie · 6 years

Note

What's the AU?

ok so!!!! a lot of (most of) credit for this au goes to @cym0rg !! she brought it up and has expanded on it a ton and im SO in love with the au so ive thrown out some ideas as well and designed the robo miu. also forgive me morg if i get a detail wrong or forget something

MAJOR NDRV3 SPOILERS

(we’re talking endgame and chapter 4 spoilers so dont read if you dont want that)

basically, the au takes place after shuichi, himiko, and maki escape the killing game. they decide to head to team danganronpa’s headquarters right away to get some answers and more importantly, to see if there’s any way to salvage kiibo. they figure there has to be a backup of his memory stored somewhere before the personality wipe in chapter 6′s trial happened, (because if kiibo was wirelessly transferring footage of the killing game he was also probably transferring his memories and personality as well) and he probably has spare bodies too, and they turn out to be right. through some kind of bargaining (either maki threatening them or maybe they use their winnings to buy him) they end up getting kiibo back.

at some point they go back to the wreckage of the academy before it’s all destroyed by team dr to see if theres anything left and find out that the neo world program is still there. they realize that if gonta’s memory could be extracted from it after he had already logged out, they might be able to get him back again now that they have access to laptops to store them in. they also realize that since miu technically never logged out, they might be able to get hers as well, and hope that she wont just be dead again.

both of them are successfully retrieved from the virtual world and are stored onto laptops, and have to have what happened after their deaths explained to them. miu’s consciousness is transferred into one of kiibo’s spare bodies so she can create herself a robot body using his plans as a blueprint.

and thus robo miu is born!!! she doesnt create gonta a body for a quite a while, seeing as how he killed her and she does not fully trust/forgive him yet.

#anon

7 notes · View notes

edwad · 6 years

Note

If you had to choose 10 marxian econ books for someone who has only read marx, what would you recommend

by “marx” i have to assume you mean capital because that really is the root of “marxian econ”. it won’t suffice to just have read the manifesto or something like that and i don’t want to recommend books that will be saying things that you’re totally unfamiliar with because you’re skipping straight into the secondary literature which already largely assumes a reader which is familiar with capital. anyway, heres a list, which isnt in any particular order and which includes a few things that i’m still working through for myself:

1. essays on marxs theory of value - isaak rubin

hugely important book which essentially all value-form theory derives from. written by an extremely knowledgeable marx scholar who had a much better idea of what marx was doing in capital than most marxists today. last month brill published a book called “responses to marxs capital” which includes some of rubin’s other writings, most of them being published in english for the first time. hes a huge figure in the literature and definitely worth looking in to.

2. marx, capital, and the madness of economic reason - david harvey

i was obviously going to put something of harvey’s in here and i think his last book is a fairly good summary of the best of what hes done up to this point with some welcome additions (the visualization of capital, the stuff on anti-value, etc). not perfect but he definitely provides a good framework for how to understand the geography of capital which doesnt require necessarily agreeing with him on everything. honestly, if you keep up with harvey at all you’ll be able to tell that its mostly just typical harveyisms with the inclusion of some stuff from his recent talks (which have all been almost exactly the same).

3. in the long run we are all dead - geoff mann

maybe this looks more like a book on keynesian rather than marxian econ, but its real argument is that keynesianism as a long historical project (meaning long before and after keynes himself) has been an immanent critique of liberalism and revolution and that keynes is to us what hegel was to marx. a really great book that covers a lot of ground which isnt always explicitly economic, but definitely worth the read if you have the patience. if you want a longer review, i left a pretty lengthy one on amazon a few months ago where you can get a better idea of what i got from this book, what its limitations are, and why i think its so important.

4. monopoly capital - paul baran & paul sweezy

an older book which hasnt exactly aged well, but its thesis has become extremely popular again since the crisis. written by baran and sweezy, the fathers of “the monthly review school” of economics, its played a huge role in the direction of marxian debates from the 1960s up until today. the authors were both tending in the same intellectual direction in their earlier works (sweezy’s theory of capitalist development and baran’s political economy of growth, the former still being considered one of the best introductions to marxs work and its relevance to the 20th century, with much controversy of course) and this was the result of them coming together to talk about what they saw as a monopoly capitalism which was fairly different in character than the “competitive capitalism” of marx’s day and therefore had to be dealt with differently.

5. capitalism - anwar shaikh

probably the most ambitious work the left has seen in a long time which tries to thoroughly critique neoclassical theory and develop an alternative economics which is rooted in what shaikh calls the “classical” school (”classical-marxian” would probably be more appropriate but i think hes trying to downplay his reliance on marx). in it, shaikh takes a good look at many of the competing schools of thought (neoclassical, post-keynesian, sraffian/neo-ricardian, etc) and sees how they stand up analytically and empirically, taking issue with their underlying assumptions and the inevitable problems which arise from building a theory on false foundations.

one of his bigger points is that the neoclassical theory of “perfect competition” is nonsensical but wasnt thoroughly combatted by heterodox economists, who only made it so far as asserting the “imperfect” nature of competition, which, in shaikh’s eyes, is to simply add imperfections after the fact into the theory which necessarily begins with the absurd assumption of perfection. the book’s argument is that the theorists of “imperfect competition” still rely on the theory of “perfect competition” as their starting point and never really manage to escape the latter because they havent actually created an alternative way of thinking about competition, they’ve just inserted a complication into a theory which was a completely unrealistic assumption to begin with. much of his attack is directed at the monthly review school and the idea of a “monopoly capitalism” which is supposedly different in form than the allegedly “perfect competition” of capitalism during marxs life. in this sense, this book serves as a counterbalance to the MR approach and is also probably the most successful attempt at situating marxs TRPF within an empirical study of kondratiev waves.

hes also got a website with a bunch of resources and a lecture series from a course he did on the material in the book which is pretty interesting, but it assumes a good deal of familiarity with economics.

6. a history of marxian economics - michael howard & john king (2 volumes)

this is a pretty thorough history of the internal debates among marxian economists ever since the death of marx all the way up to 1990. it covers a lot of ground and doesnt shy away from controversies where marx didnt come out on top. of course, a good amount of this is subject to the interpretation of the authors and they definitely have a great deal of input, but its a very impressive work which i frequently use as a marxian encyclopedia of sorts.

7. the making of marx’s capital - roman rosdolsky

despite some problems, rosdolsky’s classic book on the development of marx’s critique of political economy is easily one of the most important marxological works ever written and it still holds a lot of sway. taking the grundrisse as its starting point, the author unpacks marx’s project and constantly asserts marx’s method and in particular his explicit reliance on hegel’s logic, pitting marx (as he was in his drafts) against the then contemporary thinkers and critics which were prone to misusing or misunderstanding the arguments in capital. as a disclaimer and partial criticism of rosdolsky’s portrait of marx, i dont believe that we can simply say that marx in the late 50s was identical to the marx of the 60s and 70s that wrote and published capital, but i also dont think that means we necessarily have to discount the grundrisse (or theories of surplus value, etc) simply because they werent written at precisely the right time for marxs thinking.

i only just got my own copy a couple of weeks ago so i cant say too much more but i have skimmed through chunks of the pdf and its totally unavoidable in the secondary literature so im not totally unfamiliar. its one i plan on tackling in full very soon.

8. moneybags must be so lucky - robert paul wolff

another marxological one, this tiny book is a literary analysis of capital and in particular the first part of volume 1. wolff does a great job of deconstructing the arguments in chapter 1 to try and clarify what marx is doing and why with a lot of humor and philosophical tangents. one of his biggest points is that marxs heavy reliance on irony was the only adequate way of capturing the contradictory nature of capitalism and is therefore part of the theory itself, rather than simply being a way to dress up the theory and make it more palatable to readers. i approached this book after id already “read marx” too, but it was extremely useful because it wasnt until i read it that i finally started to actually understand marx. for that reason, i dont feel particularly bad about recommending it to anyone thats already familiar with capital because it does a great job of making the most difficult part of volume 1 infinitely more exciting and comprehensible – especially since its never enough to just read capital once.

9. the production of commodities by means of commodities - piero sraffa

against my better judgement, i’m putting this on the list knowing full-well that i’m going to be harassed by an anon which has been on my ass for about a year now ever since i first recommended sraffa’s book in a reading list despite the fact that ive never finished it (barely even read it to be more precise). i do, however, know that its had a huge influence on the trajectory of marxian thought since 1960 and that many of the thinkers are still trying to recover from the theoretical displacement implicit in sraffa’s thesis.

its a math-heavy book (which is why i havent been able to wade through it) and its status as a work coming from the “marxian” approach is hotly contested, but its certainly had its way with the marxian school (not to mention the neoclassical school, which has an easier time simply ignoring sraffa entirely), generating countless debates among scholars, many of whom simply wish that this book had never been written. for a short summary of the debate and whats apparently at stake, ive got an old post where i worked out some of the initial responses to sraffa and how this has snowballed into the controversy that it is today. ive got it on this list because of how unavoidable it is. you cant go into the secondary literature at anything resembling an intermediate level without knowing sraffa’s name and why everyone feels so strongly about him.

10. an introduction to the three volumes of karl marxs capital - michael heinrich

i dont quite like that im ending this list with a book that presents itself as an “introduction” when we’ve already established that this is a bunch of recommendations for someone thats already acquainted with capital, but sadly this is the only full-length book that heinrich has in the english language and its reading of capital is so unorthodox that it feels totally alien against all the traditional interpretations of marx. honestly, it doesnt feel like an introduction in the first place, reading more like a challenge and an intervention into the secondary debates about what marx is saying in capital which derives from the german debates which constitute the parameters for the “neue marx-lekture”, or “the new reading of marx”, which sits uncomfortably among the more typical marxisms that surround it on all sides, especially among non-german theorists/readers.

as far as the dominant reading of marx goes, nearly everything this book says betrays marx’s project, but heinrich knows marx very well, better than most of us (as even his biggest critics readily admit). this may be considered reflective of a “new reading”, but that doesnt mean the old ones are any better or that this one is necessarily a “revisionist” project as many claim (or at least, i wouldnt consider it to be revising marx even if its guilty of revising “marxism”, which is by no means necessarily a bad thing). on the contrary, i think heinrich has the best understanding of marx out of pretty much everyone else right now and thats why i wanted to end with this one. yes, you should read all of the others, especially since you cant understand the way we read and think about marx without coming across the work of people like sraffa and sweezy, but that doesnt really change the fact that heinrich points to a big problem with the way we read and think about marx, that the debates have been getting it wrong all along and largely misunderstanding marxs actual project, miscontextualizing it and falling into dogmatism for various political or academic reasons.

what heinrich does is to show how the way marx is read and interpreted often misses or downplays the most crucial elements of what marx is actually trying to get across. marxs critique of political economy simply gets converted into a newer, more correct political economy which simply builds on the classical school (shaikh), or it suffers in the hands of those that believe its foundations need to be updated as if it isnt all that relevant anymore (sweezy and baran), or that many of its categories are lacking utility and can simply be done away with (sraffa). rubin’s work plays a big part in establishing the NML reading and harvey draws on heinrich’s scholarship a lot, but nobody really does it as well as heinrich himself and i genuinely think hes lightyears ahead of everyone else. a lot of people are starting to agree and i was one of the most recent converts on the heinrich hype train which has been growing for the last couple of years.

any day now, we should be getting one of his older books, the science of value, in english and i plan on devouring it as fast as i can, but sadly its been in limbo for several years, with its initial release scheduled for 2014 (if i remember correctly). in the mean time though, we’ve only got his introduction to capital and a bunch of shorter pieces/videos.

so i guess thats my list of 10 things to read after marx with some explanations on why i think theyre important, culminating in ideologically correct heinrich-worship. this was sorta fun and if you have any other questions feel free to ask.

#communism

145 notes · View notes

viralhottopics · 7 years

Text

Antisemite, Holocaust denier yet David Irving claims fresh support

In advance of a film about the trial that bankrupted him, the historian is boasting that his views have found a new generation of admirers

Sixteen years after an English court discredited his work and the judge called him antisemitic and racist, the historian David Irving claims he is inspiring a new generation of Holocaust sceptics.

On the eve of a major new Bafta-nominated film about the trial, Irving, who has dismissed what happened at Auschwitzconcentration camp during the second world war as Disneyland, says that a whole new generation of young people have discovered his work via the internet and social media.

Interest in my work has risen exponentially in the last two or three years. And its mostly young people. Im getting messages from 14, 15, 16-year-olds in America. They find me on YouTube. There are 220 of my lectures on YouTube, I believe, and these young people tell me how theyve stayed up all night watching them.

They get in touch because they want to find out the truth about Hitler and the second world war. They ask all sorts of questions. Im getting up to 300 to 400 emails a day. And I answer them all. I build a relationship with them.

Irving v Penguin Books Ltd was one of the most infamous libel trials of the past 20 years. An American historian, Deborah Lipstadt, had accused him in her book, Denying the Holocaust,and Irving, then a somewhat respected if maverick historian, sued her and her publisher. The film, Denial, with a script by David Hare, is released at the end of this month and stars Rachel Weisz as Lipstadt and Timothy Spall as Irving. It depicts how Lipstadts legal team fought the case.

James Libson, a junior solicitor in the case and now a senior partner at Mishcon de Reya, said that the verdict seemed momentous at the time. Lipstadt won, with the judge concluding that Irving was an antisemitic, racist Holocaust denier. He was forced to declare bankruptcy and his scholarly reputation was shattered. We really thought the verdict marked a line in the sand, says Libson. That it marked Holocaust denial as a done subject. Wed proven it, conclusively, in a court of law.

We naively thought that the internet would help that. All the material from the case was published online and we thought that would provide sufficient answer to anyone who could possibly doubt it. Whereas, of course, the internet has actually done the opposite.

I wasnt aware until recently of how Holocaust denial has now taken off online again to such an extent. I was really excited to watch the trailer for the film and I couldnt believe the number of absolutely vile comments beneath it about the holohoax and so on, more than 4,000 of them. Its incredibly disturbing. Its actually way worse now than even Irving was because theyre so abusive.

Rachel Weisz in Denial. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

Libson was assisting Anthony Julius in the case another Mishcon lawyer who had made his name representing Princess Diana in her divorce.

Irving lost the case and another that he brought against the Observer over a review by Gita Sereny but speaking from his home in the Scottish Highlands, a 40-room mansion near Nairn provided by an anonymous benefactor, he says that history has vindicated him.

History evolves. The truth about the Holocaust is gradually coming out. And this is thanks to the internet. Its how this new generation finds me. Theres a general belief among people out there that they are being misled. The people Ive called the traditional enemy [Irvings term for Jews] are very worried about this phenomenon. They dont have a handle on it.

Newspapers are dying. And the internet is suddenly there. And they dont have an answer for it. Its like some ugly weed they dont know how to deal with. Eventually they will hack it down but by then it may be too late.

Google, which owns YouTube, has come under pressure for disseminating hate speech about Jews and promoting Holocaust denial after the Observer revealed that its top results for searches around the Holocaust were directing people to denial sites. After weeks of pressure, Google agreed to make changes to its algorithm, but they are far from comprehensive. Google auto-complete still suggests the Holocaust is a lie and a hoax and still directs to neo-Nazi websites such as Stormfront, where Irving is considered an authority on the subject. He also has a presence on Facebook, where his page has gathered more than 7,000 likes.

Lipstadt said the idea that Irving had been vindicated by history was preposterous. There was nothing, zilch, in the historical claims that he made. We proved that. But this is the world we are living in. Where facts dont matter any more and its absolutely terrifying.

Ive no idea of knowing if his claims about his newfound popularity are true or not but youd have to be living under a rock not to see that this proliferation of racism and antisemitism is being disseminated by the internet.

This has nothing to do with freedom of speech. Its about truth and lies.

Irving, however, says that he is speaking to people who have lost trust in mainstream sources of information. Its all to do with this phenomenon of people not trusting what they are told by their governments and newspapers. They seek around to find someone who provides some remedy to this. And they find me.

I am part of the remedy. Its not just that Im selling huge amounts of books around the world. One of the big changes of the last two years is the amount Im getting in donations.

It used to be small amounts, and they still come in, but people are now giving me very large sums indeed five-figure sums. I now drive a Rolls-Royce. A beautiful car. Though money is completely unimportant to me.

His new fans, he says, are the same people who in the US are supporting Donald Trump, who he believes will make a good president and has his heart in the right place. Though, he says, he is also impressed by the Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn.

The Labour party is tearing itself apart with these allegations about antisemitism, he says, but Corbyn seems like a very fine man. Maybe its because hes near my age, but Im impressed by him.