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smilesrobotlover · 7 months

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Whumptober day 15- makeshift bandages

Sorry I’m a little late, I slept in fhsksbkssbsk. Anyways this one is kinda silly, idk what I’m doing with whumptober but I’ve had this idea in my head where Legend meets the dads so here’s this silly lil thing dbsksbsksbk.

Warning for a bloody stab wound.

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Legend stared out at the ocean, listening to the waves as they crashed against the beach he was on. He breathed in the salty breeze, several old memories flooding his mind from the smell and sounds. He had mixed feelings about the ocean. On one hand, it reminded him of the pain and loss he had to endure, but on the other hand, he had the best memories at the beach. Whenever he got overwhelmed he would try to find a beach area to unwind, occasionally humming his song…

He was lucky that he was close enough to a beach in this world. The other heroes were great, but they would always burst into arguments and overwhelm Legend. In order to keep himself from getting riled up, he’d walk away, and so he found a beautiful beach to think about all that’s happened to him. He stared out at the horizon, watching the land across from him. But something was strange about it when he really studied it. He narrowed his eyes and noticed that there was a boat traveling to where he was.

A boat?

If Legend recalled correctly, they were the only ones here. So who was on that boat? And why were they heading towards them? He stood up and watched the boat closely. He didn’t know what that was, but he might as well figure it out before it got too close. Legend took off his clothes and took a deep breath, praying that no one could see him now, and he jumped into the water. He felt the familiar magic twisting his bones around and fusing his legs together into a beautiful pink fish tail, and he pushed against the water towards the boat. When he got close he kept his distance, but stared at the bottom of the boat. He didn’t know what he was expecting, he couldn’t see the people on the boat so he didn’t know if they were a threat. He circled the boat for a little bit, finally popping out of the water to get a good look at the people onboard. He only saw one person, but from what he could tell, they weren’t a monster. Was that the puppeteer? Legend narrowed his eyes, but he couldn’t see the person very clearly. Truthfully he didn’t know what the puppeteer looked like. But he was from either Sheikah, Hylian, or Gerudo from what he heard, so he should be on this boat, right?

The person Legend was watching suddenly looked at him, and Legend quickly dove back into the water, panicking. He wasn’t supposed to be seen.

Legend quickly swam underneath the boat, trying to head back to shore to report on what he saw. Just when he was out in the open, a sharp pain went through his tail, and he let out a scream. Legend sunk to the ocean floor as his tail throbbed, and he looked at it to see a spear straight through his tail. Blood was mixing in with the water, and the pain was so bad that he couldn’t move his tail. He quickly reached for the spear, trying to gather up the courage to pull it out, but the pain was too much. A shadow went over him, and Legend noticed that the boat was on top of him. They’re after him, he thought in horror. He was going to get captured and possibly tortured for information on the other heroes, or he was going to get murdered for being a mermaid or for being a hero or something. He needed to get out now, but he couldn’t move his tail, he was stuck. He turned and saw a net coming towards him, and he gasped as he was scooped off the ocean floor, his tail throbbing as he folded up in the net. The net pulled up quickly, and Legend broke the surface coughing.

“Let me go! Let me go!” He started yelling as the net pulled him closer to the boat. He weakly punched the air, trying to land a hit on his captors.

“Woah woah woah! Hey it’s ok, it’s ok!” He heard a man yell out, and he was cut free from the net and was carried out gently, which surprised Legend. Was he not a captive?

Legend let out a yelp when he slipped out of the man’s hold, and he fell to the ground harshly. He heard the man curse under his breath and he was leaned up against him.

“Nice going Rusl.”

“I didn’t think he’d be so slippery!”

“He’s part fish, what did you expect?”

“I—I don’t know! Leave me alone!”

Legend looked up at the man he was leaned up against, who he assumed was named Rusl. He had dirty blonde hair that reached to the middle of his neck, with some scruffy facial hair on his chin and an interesting mustache around his mouth. He had light blue eyes and had a gentle expression when he looked down at Legend. He frowned apologetically and rubbed Legend’s arm.

“That got you good,” he muttered, looking at Legend’s injured tail, where another man with reddish-blonde hair looked over. “How… how does it look, Leon?”

Leon gave Rusl a look before returning to his tail.

“Well, the spear went right through his tail so, I can’t imagine it’s anything good,” he answered, grabbing the spear which caused Legend to whimper. “Linebeck, look away,” he said, and Legend noticed a tall man with dark brunette hair turn away, looking nauseous. Rusl held onto Legend’s hand as Leon broke the spear in half, pulling it through his tail. Legend hissed at the pain and felt his tail go numb.

“Hey Leon, did you ever consider that doing that would cause splinters?” A very short man who looked a lot like Hyrule stepped up, staring at the broken spear concerned.

“He’ll be fine.”

“Not if he has splinters.”

“He’ll be fine.”

Legend gulped and looked at his bleeding tail, feeling dizzy from the sight as Leon put pressure on the wound. He felt the magic twisting through his legs and he groaned in pain as his tail split back into two legs. Leon yelped at the sight, throwing his red cape over Legend before continuing to deal with his legs.

“Woah,” he heard Rusl mumble at the sight. “You can turn into a… fish?”

Legend let out a pained breath, smiling at the kind man. “A mermaid.”

“I see. I’ve never heard of mermaids before…”

“Yeah, well, I’m not really a mermaid, it’s just an item that I use whenever I get into water.”

Rusl stared at him blankly, and Legend chuckled at his confusion.

“It’s weird I know.”

Rusl smiled as Leon sat up and turned behind him. “Oy, Talon,” he called out, “bring me some bandages!”

“We don’t have any bandages!” He heard the man named Talon yell back. He sounded like he was inside the boat.

“Then bring me something that can be used as a bandage for Din’s sake!”

“Ok ok, don’t cuss at me!”

Legend took a deep breath, trying not to pass out from the pain and the blood, and Rusl rubbed his arm again.

“I’m so sorry about this,” he mumbled, and Legend waved it away.

“It’s ok, thank you for taking care of me—“ Legend was interrupted when he saw a man walk up to Leon with bandages. He felt his heart stop when he nearly recognized him, and he sat up, almost hitting Rusl’s chin with his head. “T-Tarin?” He blurted out, and the man looked at him in surprise. He looked behind him and looked back with confusion plastered on his face.

“Are ya talkin’ to me?” He asked, and Legend felt disappointment and embarrassment when he realized that he was definitely not Tarin. His hair was thinning at the top, his facial hair connected all the way to his sideburns, and his blue eyes did not match Tarin’s dark brown eyes. Legend looked down, tears uncontrollably welling up.

“I-I’m so s-sorry—I thought you were someone else,” he stammered.

“Oh, it’s ok kid, no harm done,” Talon said softly, handing a shirt to Leon. While Leon tore the shirt apart and began wrapping his leg, Legend stared at Talon. He had such a kind face, and now that he was looking at him more, he was looking a lot like his uncle. A lump formed in his throat and he looked away.

“So, uh, what’s your name?” Talon asked, breaking the silence.

“I’m Link,” Legend said without thinking. He probably should’ve kept his identity a secret, but these men were all so kind that he didn’t think about it. Leon froze and looked at him intensely.

“You’re Link? Are you traveling with other Links?”

“Um…” Legend stopped himself this time. They were all looking for the group… was it smart to say yes? “I… uh… I don’t know.”

“… you don’t know?”

“Uh… well I…” Legend looked around, panic beginning to bubble up in his chest. Rusl cleared his throat and Legend looked up at him.

“We’re only asking because we’re looking for our respective Links,” he explained. “Y’see, my son is Link, and most of us here also have a son named Link, we were hoping that our Links would all be together.”

Legend narrowed his eyes. Rusl’s son was Link? Which Link was he the father to? He honestly looked nothing like them. Not to mention his ears were rounded, not pointed. Was his son Sky? Sky had very small ears, but so did Warriors, maybe Warriors was his son…

“Hey,” Leon interrupted Legend’s thoughts. “It’s a simple question, are you traveling with Links?”

“Leon he’s overwhelmed, be patient with him,” Talon muttered, and Leon sighed.

“I-I’m sorry, Link,” he muttered, and Legend smiled.

“Hey, it’s ok. Who’s your son?”

Leon sat up straight, a hopeful gleam in his eye. “Um, his name is also Link… and uh… he has long blonde hair, he’s kind of braided it on one side though, and he’s very young…”

Legend hummed. “That sounds like Four.”

Leon nearly jumped up at that, causing Talon to yelp slightly.

“Four? As in the Four sword?”

“Uh, y-yes. We had to give each other nicknames so… he’s known as Four, mostly ‘cause of his eyes but also because of his four sword.”

Leon smiled slightly, then looked down. “He’s alright?”

“Last time I checked, yeah. He’s safe and sound.”

Leon sat back, running a hand through his hair, looking relieved. Legend smiled and sat up away from Rusl.

“Really, all the Links I’m traveling with are fine. I’m sure they’d be happy to see you.”

The men all made different sounds of relief at that, but Legend couldn’t help but notice the Linebeck man watching him strangely. Leon finished tying his bandages and gave his knee a pat.

“We'll take you inside, and maybe we’ll find you some clothes you can put on.”

Legend wrapped the red cape around him tighter in embarrassment. “Um… it’s ok my clothes are all on the beach.”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” Leon said, standing up. “Ok Linebeck you’re safe to look.”

“No, no you are not safe to look, Linebeck. There’s blood everywhere,” The short brown haired man stopped the tall man.

“Oh come on, his leg isn’t bleeding,” Leon muttered.

“There’s still blood everywhere!”

Legend chuckled at the men bantering, they reminded him of his own group. Rusl gave a small sigh and pulled Legend closer to him.

“Let me take you inside then,” he said softly. “I am… so sorry about this.”

Legend wrapped his arms around his neck as he was lifted off the ground. “Hey, it’s ok. I’m sure it wasn’t your fault anyways.”

Legend heard the others snort.

“No it was definitely his fault,” Leon said.

“I said that I saw a mermaid,” Linebeck started up, “and Rusl wasted no time to grab a spear and chuck it into the water.”

“He was so fast I didn’t have time to process what was going on!” The short brunette chuckled.

“He has a good aim I must admit.” Legend saw a different man with strikingly blue eyes leaning against a strange bird man. “It’s not easy to throw spears into the water, I’ve definitely tried.”

Rusl looked down ashamed. “Guys, enough.”

Talon picked up on his mood and stood up. “Alright y’all, let Rusl put Link inside. Leave him alone.”

The other men stopped and Rusl quickly turned to enter the inside of the boat. Legend watched him quietly as he was settled down in a bed. Rusl grabbed some blankets and set them down on top of Legend, and before he could leave, Legend grabbed his arm.

“Hey… it’s ok,” he said firmly. Rusl stared at him for a moment but smiled.

“Get some rest. We’ll get you once we reach the beach.”

Legend nodded and watched as Rusl left the bottom deck. He sighed and laid down, happily letting himself get rest.

#idk if any of y’all remember that meme I made where the guys are all making fun of Rusl #while trauma from shooting his son with an arrow in the leg was resurfacing #yeah this is what that meme was applying to dhsksbksnsk #rip rusl #I’ve been writing him to be very impulsive/ decisive #like he just does things mostly on instinct without putting much thought into it #I mean he does put some thought into the stuff #but he’s very quick about it #he doesn’t overthink #which… honestly he might now #lol #whumptober #whumptober day 15 #whumptober 2023 #strangers across eras #link between links #lbl legend #more hint at the puppeteer :3c

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beetlerings · 2 months

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I love love love these guys

#vyncent is so oblivious he doesn’t even realize that HE has a crush #overthinker x doesn’t think at all #jrwishow #jrwi art #jrwi podcast #jrwi #jrwi pd #jrwi prime defenders #prime defenders #jrwi william #jrwi william wisp #william wisp #wiwi wisp #jrwi vyncent #jrwi vyncent sol #vyncent sol #jrwi ghostknife #ghostknife #beetles art

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blackest-soul · 8 months

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Y/N, in a board meeting with the council of girls (i.e ems, pen, and jj): he called me bro. he said “haha i shall bro, indeed. See you soon, yes”

Y/N, glumly: why would Spencer call me bro if he likes me?

JJ: maybe that’s his way of flirting?

Emily: so a skill issue then?

Pen: don’t be rude, em. Here sweetie, get some chocolates

Y/N, googling what it means if your crush calls you bro: see look, even google is telling me im in the friendzone

Y/N, whining: why will he call me bro, I thought we were flirting…

The Council: *sighs*

Emily: idk who im gonna kill first.. spencer, y/n, or myself

Meanwhile at the other end of the office

Spencer: MORGAAANNN SHE REPLIED. She told me that i should rest too… with and she added please… is she flirting? Is Y/N flirting?? What will i tell her

Morgan: let me see!!!

Spencer: no this is private!!!

Morgan: fine! Call her bro or whatever—

Morgan, munbling: see if i ever help you flirt with her again

Spencer: okay

Spencer: *typing furiously* there i sent it

Morgan: wait you called her bro

Spencer: that’s what you told me?!!????

Morgan: fuuuuckk duuuddeee—-

Spencer: morgan im gonna fucking kill you i swear to god

#criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fluff #spencer x reader #incorrect quotes #criminal minds fanfic #this happened to me #he called me bro #now im overthinking #and overcompensating #lol my crush doesn’t like me he called me bro

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lithth · 3 months

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am I the only one who noticed that whenever kusuo has a childhood memory kusuke is never there?

#I know he appeared when it showed him losing to kusuo but like in other times like when his mother would take him to the arcade or smthing #kusuke isn’t there or whenever it’s like a normal memory where the family seems to be enjoying their time he doesn’t appear idk if I’m just #overthinking but just wanted to point it out #saiki kusuke #saiki kuusuke #kusuke saiki #saiki k #saiki kusuo

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cheese-water · 8 months

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I can’t believe the Qsmp is at this point now where I don’t want Slimecicle to login. Selfish, I know, but I have my reasons why I don’t want him to appear. For him to see the ruin the server has fallen into while he has been gone. For him to realize why there’s so much destruction. Why the people he once called his friends, family even, are unrecognizable. Why there’s a cloud of grief looming over every inch of the island, not just his house anymore. But worst of all, I don’t want him to find the solution to all his problems.

The Pills.

An easy way to regain your happiness after life has fucked you over again and again and again? A painless procedure to get rid of the apathy lodged in your fucking chest, slowly consuming you whole? A one-way ticket to forget all that shit that was bothering you in the first place? A chance to see Flippa again? It’s a dream come true! This is what Slime wants—not to heal, not to move on, not to deal with therapy and the feelings and paperwork that comes with it. He wants to be happy again. And the Federation’s treatment is quite literally his perfect medicine!

Almost too perfect...

What if the Federation had originally created the medicine Slime and it consequently worked on the other islanders? But wait, no, that doesn’t make sense. If the pills were made specifically for Slime, then why wasn’t he prescribed them? I mean, there would be no reason not to; the Feds were never particularly fond of Gegg given the rampant threats of arson. So why are we seeing them now? Or, a better question: why did the Federation create them in the first place? How were they able to have the pills on hand in case of mass hysteria and the destruction of the island?

It’s almost as if the Federation had the perfect control for their experiment. Someone who initially grieved not with tears or deals or a shoulder to lean on, all of which would come later, but with a wrath so volatile it could tear the server in half. Someone who’s parental rage could only be quelled through resurrection, a feat never to be taken lightly. Someone who would be their worst-case scenario if their ire were ever directed towards them.

It seems as if the Federation was prepared for the worst-case scenario. The antidote to an islander’s worst qualities; best taken when vulnerable. And it’s all thanks to Slimecicle! Without him, who knows what the Federation would have done with our favorite melodramatic president? Everyone is a cog in the machine, whether they know it or not! :)

If Slimecicle realizes this, I’m not sure whether he’ll survive the weight of the guilt on top of what he already forces himself to carry. Therefore, what you don’t know can’t hurt you.

#qsmp #slimecicle #charlie slimecicle #qsmp federation #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #no matter how long he doesn’t stream #I’ll always have slime on the brain #In both sense of the word slime my brain is becoming goo #on a completely unrelated note I miss slimecicle #I don’t think I can handle the heartbreak but qsmp stream when? LMAO #og cubito babyyy I will never let you fade away #not while i’m still around overthinking literally everything and writing it down for some reason #yadda yadda I love unindented parallels and foreshadowing #it’s what I live off of #:D

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seeminglydark · 9 months

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It’s the littlest things that can save a life sometimes.

He’s singing ‘favorite everything’ by the bouncing souls

Johnny and Creaky are from my webcomic Seemingly Dark

Y’all are getting a lot of silly linework lately cuz I’ve been doing them as warm ups, it’s fun!

#seemingly dark #original characters #kittens #his landlord is having regrets #punk boys #this is the first time he doesn’t have to overthink who he is or what he wants #he can just be #and for once that’s enough

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dollsuguru · 3 months

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love delving into suguru’s overthinking brain <3

#i think his paternal instinct is natural and that it affects the way he interacts sometimes (shows itself in good and bad ways)#i think it’s a genuine struggle for him in terms of nature & nurture. he wants to take care of you/fix things but doesn’t want to make you +#feel like he’s controlling you in that way… it’s a fine line i kinda wanna explore that w him #i underthink to a fault sometimes 😭 so it’s cool to write about a character who’s a constant overthinker #MIND YOU THIS IS FROM MY V-DAY WIP FIC 😭 wanted to add a lil conflict/a look into the way suguru’s brain works #still a bit messy/choppy but i’m just writing stream of consciousness rn #snippets #personal

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king-crawler · 3 months

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Thinking about King Candybug’s state of mind (just rambling)

I think whenever he talks it’s important to remember that, although everything he’s saying are his words, his emotions are probably influenced a bit by the cybug coding.

Like when he turns into it, he’s not horrified of what he’s become, he’s delighted and murderous and impulsive. (He never stops to think “why is Ralph smashing the top of cola mountain”)

He’s only functioning off violent impulses, like how the other cybugs would.

Or maybe it’s all just cuz he’s already lost everything and is starting to lose it .. without the bug brain part? But it’s probably some sort of combination of both

I say this because he starts to see the other cybugs as near equals ?? (Of course he places himself above them but he doesn’t see them as animals or robots) cuz he goes YOU FOOLS!! Like I feel like that’s the cybug part of him speaking. If a king cybug could talk and was More Intelligent it would probably say stuff like that

King candy is fucking DEAD . he turned into the cybug hybrid thing and I think traces of turbo’s original code remained which is why he tried to resist at the end (and failed)

In the end he literally became 2 minds and he was, literally, no longer himself

The king candy persona assimilates with the bug instincts and becomes its own Monster and separates from his core personality

Do you get what I’m saying (no)

#rambling #just thinking .#I’m not saying the cybug is speaking as him it’s like a weird combination #king candybug #txt #people have literally already done this 10 years ago I don’t care #perhaps I am overthinking it LMAO #maybe the disconnect doesn’t happen until he sees the light and that tears his coding apart #I’m just saying shit

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thesis-rose · 6 months

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Okay so this might be me overthinking about last night but why didn’t Adam suggest to Max about teaming up with The Aclaimed or The Kindgom. I mean i do kinda understand why Adam wouldn’t want Max to have to team up with them but what about The aclaimed people who do really want to help MJF (and who he ultimately teams up with for match)

Why did Adam only tell Max to go with Somoa Joe. Like MJF did raise a point with how Somoa Joe did injure his neck.

Idk if anyone wants to put there own theories to this question please do I would love to read and message me if you want to talk about any of this.

#this is just food for thought #like is he just hating on the aclaimed?#or am i an overthinker #probably the second #please tell me what y’all think #mjf #aew #adam cole #maxwell jacob friedman #adamjf #max caster #aew dynamite #all elite wrestling #better than you bay bay #max squared #the kingdom #the aclaimed #samoa joe #it could also be that Adam knows how MJF doesn’t like The aclaimed and he wants to just let MJF be without caster

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jamietwat · 2 months

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keeley: what did you send? a dick pic? a kinky fantasy?

roy: worse.

(the text in question was something like “sometimes it’s only moderately annoying being around you “)

Oh absolutely 😂

Other things that can count as risky texts include (but aren’t limited to)

- telling Jamie he’s proud of him or that he’s played well when he’s playing for the England team so Roy isn’t there to say it in person

- Jamie whining about I know you hate me but this is just ridiculous over a minor inconvenience and Roy responding with I don’t hate you anymore you fucking moron

- saying anything at all about missing Ted while texting him (especially in a not threatening or angry way, but it still feels risky to him sending something bitching about how something is Ted’s fault for leaving them until he gets Ted’s response and rolls his eyes at it but it’s fine)

- literally texting anyone other than Keeley first in any context other than something team/coaching/training related or something bossy or something angry or vaguely threatening (asking Beard or any of the other guys to get a drink with him later in person? totally fine… texting them and waiting for their response for an indefinite amount of time and then not knowing the tone of their response? torture… like you know he rolls his eyes and vaguely grumbles about Ted’s over enthusiastic texting style but at the same time it’s a lot easier when Ted responds to everything clearly enthusiastic and that’d definitely help the whole living on a different continent and time zone thing to be more bearable)

- saying anything about any feeling he has toward Keeley or Jamie to Jamie while they’re all single post the fighting on her doorstep disaster

#Sorry I meant to answer these asks on the weekend #Roy has a tough angry bitch reputation he wants to uphold #But also he doesn’t like waiting for responses or not being able to tell the tone on anything at all too sincere or important #But Keeley’s an exception because he’s long since learned how to just say whatever to her without being mortified and overthinking it #Ask #Mine #Roy Kent #Ted Lasso #Anonymous #I did not reread a word of this so I’m assuming there are errors

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b0tsbby · 6 months

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Actual footage of me liking Stampede’s depiction of Nai as a kid because I relate to him as an autistic person and former “weird, quiet and ‘mature’ kid”

#I just saw myself bye #it’s not him but ugh #he’s still full of the same affection and love as he was in Max #he just doesn’t show it well #idk I just saw overthinker baby B0ts #who loved flowers and people watching #but was scared of death and the monotony of life every Christmas #yea #he means a lot to me #b0tstalks #trigun #millions knives #trigun stampede

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quibbs126 · 2 months

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I mean Butter Squid, this is what happens when you bring in child actors, particularly ones with no acting experience and only real life experience, and when the story likely doesn’t require it

Like even if the original Lord of the Jelly in your world had a main character group of children, you can age up actors so you aren’t working with children. The only time people don’t do that is when the characters being young is absolutely essential to the story, like Harry Potter

Just saying Butter Squid, Habanero not being a good actor isn’t exactly on him, it’s probably more your fault. Either that or the people who cast the movie but you probably still had a say in it

#I know I said I’m overthinking things #but honestly I’m not sure Butter Squid is as good a director as he’s claimed to be #like maybe he’s one of those guys who made a lot of good films but doesn’t have that same magic anymore #or he’s a hit or miss director who has good films but also has bad films and it’s more a coin toss on which it is #or I just don’t get it #again probably overthinking #cookie run #cookie run ovenbreak #butter squid cookie #habanero cookie #random stuff

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deus-ex-mona · 1 month

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i hope they fight (can’t read past this point)

#l e m m e i n n n n n n n n n n #never thought that i’d ever find something in common with mr face reveal but here we are (dude’s a retail pharmacy cashier. poor guy :()#i need to know if the pharmacy manages to survive the encounter #i hope he calls out her bs and enforces the ‘1 lxl gummy per person’ rule to extremes #this is unfair i can’t even skip ahead to the ch 3 previews bc this site doesn’t even have them yet auaaaaaaa #but hm. looking at this and the calendar… plus chizuutan’s planner from doutan kyohi… this encounter takes place on 1 august #july and august are the only 2 consecutive months of 31 days after all. sooooooooo #so ig it’d put the nonfan release somewhere in july… hmmmmmmmmmm #which would kinda make sense i think… in the nonfan novel hiyo’s contract was supposed to end in august… right? i can’t rem lol #hmmmmmmmmmmmm. but that’d only be the case if the chizuutan mvs complement the [redacted] anime/kawaikute gomen manga timelines…#i hope we get to see her pov of the hiyo makeover for the nagisa visit lmao #but then again. maybe lxl have had 2 separate gummy collabs and im just overthinking it.#idk why am i wasting my precious lunch break thinking about lxl and chizuutan anyway i’ve had enough of them ausuxyshxhshhshajsjshshs #chizuutan chizpost

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ultimateaclrecovery · 4 months

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Been trying to have more conversations with the boy but it’s hard. I’m bad at it and he’s even worse. It just feels like we aren’t always very good at talking to each other both about small things and big things and it’s like if we don’t have that what we do we have?

And like sometimes the conversation is easy, but then it’s almost always about frisbee. And it’s like I do not want to either be carrying the whole conversation or talking about frisbee for the rest of my life (and yes that’s a hyperbole and I’m being dramatic but like still)

And then when I finally talk to him about how it feels like he gives me all these one word answers it’s always that he’s just tired and if he doesn’t think the answer is important he’s not gonna put his energy into it. And like he’s being apologetic but it’s not like if talking to me isn’t worth your energy what is? And like we only see each twice a week and sometimes only once a week.

And partly it’s because with the holidays I’ve been gone for two weeks and then had a Covid exposure and now he’s gone so we’ve barely seen each other. And I’m an abysmal texted so it’s hard to maintain connection when we don’t see other (and yes I really am the problem here and yes I’m working on it (although he was always says it’s fine)

I just feel sometimes like I just don’t understand him very well especially considering we’ve been dating almost a year.

And when I brought up doing something for our year, that is when he mentioned that his grandmother had died earlier this week and so he’d be leaving for her funeral. And I had asked him about various aspects of week like seven times at this point and he had yet to mention it. And I have no idea how to be there for him or if he even needs or wants that because he just never shares.

And then because he never shares I feel like I’m being over emotional and needy whenever I share. And then we just talk about anything ever.

And his family’s going to Italy in may and when I saw his family over thanksgiving she invited me but he has never even hinted if he’d like me to go with them (I probably can’t regardless but like I would like to be asked)

And even when his family was here for thanksgiving he only invited me to see for actual thanksgiving even though they were here for like a week and he did lots of other stuff with them. And I had to be the one to ask if he even wanted me to meet them when they came and to let me know what he wanted me to join them for. And turns out the answer was very little.

And it just sucks that it feels so hard to build an emotional connection because he’s so great in other ways. Like he’s so sweet and kind and thoughtful. And he remembers all the things I like and is always seeking them out or trying to do things to make me happy. And whenever I do manage to try and talk to him about the things I feel he’s always really nice about it and never makes me feel like my feelings are stupid. (He sometimes get hung up the logistics (it almost always twice a week and only rarely once a week) )but also always ask what he could do make me feel better. But like how do you tell someone to just be a more emotional human?

And like I hate that it’s always me telling him things. Like I know I can be annoying and I’m far from perfect but like he just never has any complaints, often even when asked point blank. And even when I did ask him what he would change about the relationship he one made me answer first and two just said he’d like it if I texted him back a little quicker. Which while fair I had just told you five minutes ago how was feeling disconnected probably in part to me being a terrible texter so is that really what you want or just what you think I want? It’s also annoying because when we first started dating I told him I was bad at texting and he said he actually preferred to not text that much. And like it could be that it’s a spectrum and also things evolved but it makes me worried that he’ll just tell me what I want to hear and then just deal with it even if it’s not really what he wants. And then I worry that he’ll end up resenting me for that and then just break up with me out of no where.

And this fully me just being anxious but I can’t help but feeling sometimes likes he’s just waiting for a good time to end things because he’s too nice to do it at an inconvenient time.

And I guess a lot of it just circles back to the thought I’ve been having since this summer that while he’s a really good boyfriend, he’s just doing the things that a boyfriend should do because he likes having a girlfriend and not that he likes me in particular. It’s like I check all the boxes so he’s committed to make it work and emotions are irrelevant. I like I want to have that deep emotional connection and it feels like that’s not enough. But then I go to describe what is that doesn’t feel like “enough” and it feels like I am describing a really good relationship.

And I don’t know if I’m just getting caught up in the holiwood or social media fantasy of relationships where people jump into each other everyday and talk endlessly for hours and no every last detail of the other persons psyche, because that’s not what we have.

He’s pleasant to hang out with, even if sometimes I feel like I want to shake him until more words fall out. He’s like the least annoying person I’ve ever met, he’s super easy to travel with. He’s considerate of me and my feelings. He puts effort into the relationship. He can be silly and we can have goofy moments together. He checks all the lifestyle “boxes” and my ideal life and being with him work perfectly together. He’s never dismissive of me. He’ll do things just to make me happy even if they aren’t his favorite. He feels safe.

And I don’t know how to balance all the wonderful against the intangible lackluster emotional connection. Especially when I am the other half of the emotional connection.

Like is the reason I have more deep feeling conversations with my girls friends just because THEY are good at it? And does it feel hard with Anthony because I am actually bad at it or because he is? (I mean probably both). And at the end of the day does it matter? Even if I’m the problem if I can’t figure how to make it better, it’s still not really working. And we all know the answer to every relationship question is just to talk to the other person. I just wish that didn’t feel so hard

#word vomit #am overthinking?#yes absolutely #but I’m still sad #and still confused #and don’t really know how to feel better #I’ve been spending way to much time by myself on the couch lately which doesn’t help #what also doesn’t help is comparing what I would do if I wasn’t dating Anthony #and wondering if that would be better #sigh #and he’s at a conference all week and then going for his gm funeral #so I won’t see him for another week #and then it’ll be past our year anniversary #and that feels bad somehow #but also it’s his grandmas funeral so I don’t want to be really considerate of that #even if he’s not talking about it it’s hard #and he’ll want to be there for his dad #so want to let him be #and not be like whyyyy aren’t you paying more attention to me #so anyway #the giant tumblr over share diary continues

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