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septembersghost · 1 year

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Sorry for sending so many negative asks and you don’t have to answer the last two, or if you want to you can answer what I said about Gen Z on here. I had a hard year last year and can honestly say watching the Elvis movie in theaters, Austin’s great performance, and getting into Elvis helped me get through it. It just sucks going online for the past year and reading nothing but hateful and negative comments about Elvis and Austin on the internet, especially from holier than thou Gen Zers who have no problem stanning people who are way worse :/

going to begin with this screenshot i saved the other day, that truly just encapsulates a lot to me:

also this gif my friend chelsea shared with me of el banishing haters for us. 😊 begone!

i have a lot to say to this and am unsure where to begin, so allow me to start here:

I had a hard year last year and can honestly say watching the Elvis movie in theaters, Austin’s great performance, and getting into Elvis helped me get through it. <- first and foremost, WITH ALL MY HEART, this is the point. this is what's important. that experience belongs to you, and it's BEAUTIFUL and meaningful, and there's nothing that can or should take that away from you. i am SO glad you had the film and austin's stunning performance, and then discovering more in e himself to help you. the value in that is unbelievably special, and it's unique in all of us who discover that solace in art and hold onto it in our own ways. the film has come to mean more to me than i can express in silly little posts here, and i haven't had that for a long time.

i'm so sorry you were having a hard time, i understand in my own way. i didn't expect to even make it through last year myself. there is a particular depth of connection and some measure of healing that came with this that i can't explain except to say it exists on some spiritual level. idk if you were here when i wrote a post on the night of the grammys, but there's a significant part of myself that i'd been without for a long time, and maybe didn't even fully know was missing, that e almost immediately set back. as if that broken piece of stained glass mosaic was there, but had been knocked out of place, and when it was restored, the picture was more whole again, and i could breathe a bit easier. like a bridge over troubled water. you don't know what's lost 'til you find it! i sincerely hope that you're doing better now <333

i have to cut this because it's long. 💗

i don't know where exactly you're reading negative comments, maybe i've just been very fortunate to avoid them since i've encountered them so rarely and block the few i've seen immediately (and anyone who has anything negative to say about aus is deranged on some level, when he's unequivocally humble and kind in every interaction he has. the only things i've seen about him are inane voice comments, and not only is that not funny, and was never funny, it's also clear anyone who thinks that has never listened to a clip of elvis speaking for two seconds in their life, as they sound nothing alike! i hate that something which should only have been joyful and made him feel proud has made him self-conscious because the media can't ignore trolls on the internet. austin is such a genuine soul). regarding elvis himself, he was certainly a complex human being, but he was unquestionably a GOOD one. it takes so little time to discover exactly who he was and all that he stood for, all he did.

it's like i read a story yesterday about how, when he performed at the houston astrodome, the owner told him he didn't want black people onstage and to leave the sweet inspirations behind, and elvis was like, absolutely not, they're included or i walk, period. and then he had had them driven in a car around the arena so that everyone could see them. it's such a typical story for him (standing up for people he loved and what he believed in with a delightful dose of king shit defiant behavior). it's why it's so easy to dispel ANY claim of racism because he was distinctly anything but, and there are countless stories recounting why.

you said: To add to my comment, I can’t stand reading most zoomers opinions of Elvis because the takes are almost always misinformed and hateful yet they worship artists like (he who shall not be named, I sent you a previous anon about him) 🤷‍♀️

speaking as your millennial elder sister here, i assume they either erroneously believe he somehow mistreated people of color (could not be less true), "stole" his music and/or misappropriated culture (absolutely not the case, and if anything, he succeeded in BREAKING a lot of barriers), or the situation with priscilla. i've addressed cilla before, but anyone making that into a more salacious situation than it was is not HEARING her specifically. they victimize her without listening to a word she says about the life that is HERS. about things that were in place before they got married, about the love they had for one another. they victimize her without her consent and i find that really upsetting. they're also not hearing any of the other women he was ever romantically involved with who have shared about him extensively, nor the women who were around him platonically who adored him. or they're listening to GROSS unfounded lies perpetuated by alanna nash, who i'm on record despising. did he have some ingrained patriarchal concepts? sure. he was a white man born in 1935, but none of those ideas were outrageous and it's not fair to even weigh that against our social mores in 2023, when we've been without him for 46 years. he had tremendous respect and love (not merely in the physical way) for women. he had tremendous respect and love for PEOPLE. i think of myrna saying elvis would've loved her just the same, no matter what color she was, because of who he was. it's infuriating for that to be taken away from him by people who don't even bother to do their research or try to spend a moment lending him compassion and understanding.

not to play the whatboutism game, but the person you mention has FAR worse and actually credible allegations, and yet that gets waved off all the time. i could name...a number of very famous men who have concrete abuse allegations or stories of very dark/disturbing things, and it simply gets ignored. i could mention someone who's oft-revered who was also a misogynist, racist, antisemitic homophobe and gets very little criticism. it's crazy to me that elvis gets any of those accusations when there's documented proof of his charitable work for black people (and literally growing up with and attending church with and learning alongside of and befriending and defending!), for jewish people (including being a shabbos goy as a child!), his generosity and care for others, and so on. someone sent me an anon the other day saying they feel like people online hold him to an unfair double standard (and they referenced a different famous musician who is far more problematic), which i responded to here. the fact of the matter is, a lot of it is rooted in caricature and parody and unfair jokes/stereotypes, some of which is incorrect judgment of elvis as a human being, some of which is this idea that anyone from the south must be stupid and racist, which is wildly unfair. remember: YOU KNOW MORE THAN THEM. i KNOW it hurts and is depressing and feels bad to not be able to fight back and defend him and prove his worth to everyone who discounts him, but that's on them and they don't get it, which is their loss. tbh anyone who doesn't get it can fuck right off. you know what he means to you.

the thing about elvis is, he had this...all-encompassing need for connection and understanding, and there was some part of him always seeking that. be that spiritually, and in his deep faith and interest in many avenues of philosophical study/thought, or in his approach to love of any kind. he didn't want to be just one thing to people, he wanted to, in some way, be everything. which maybe is too much for anyone to strive towards, but it was in his essence. chelsea also recently told me elvis was very interested in all the different definitions of love - the greek words, storge, philia, eros, agape, etc, and i personally feel a strong connection to that because that's always captivated me too, not merely the differences, but the way they inform each other. how we express love in this world.

el having a temper or making some mistakes in his life does not negate the artistry he possessed, nor, on a much more personal level, the amount of good he did and heart and soul he shared with people. loved ones, family, romances, fans, he had this boundless sense of love.

which brings me to us. i mean it when i say i believe it would mean everything to him if he knew how many new people, ESPECIALLY young people, are discovering him and embracing him and remembering him.

going to quote chelsea again: "it's like the people who find him are the good ones, you know? the thoughtful, loyal, interesting ones who see him as a full person. which is all he ever wanted."

i believe, without question, that he would love us so much. i believe he was meant for us to find him. i believe it would touch his soul to know he's had an impact on us, or helped us make it through, or healed something in us in any way. that would be worth everything to him. and he's so alive in our hearts, and i know he's going to stay there. that's what has the meaning, that's what remains.

to repeat this post from the other day:

i was having a discussion with tam like five minutes before this tweet was posted, about the people who dismiss him or belittle him not understanding the truth of who he was, not loving him for the whole of him the way that we do, so when this was tweeted, it felt almost like a sign from the universe. no matter how loud the clamor of denial, WE know what that love truly is.

you decide where to put your love. you know what restores your spirit. that matters through everything. i believe he reached out to and moved austin for a reason, that that performance was meant to happen. and deep in my heart, i believe there's some light of his reaching back that sparks in ours.

#anonymous #letterbox #elvis presley #i was a dreamer #i love him sm :(#and ilyyyy and all my e besties. you are wonderful 💕💕💕#i keep typing burned and not shined bc of if i can dream aklfdkjlfdg #*#NOT THE MUSIC CHOICE CHANNEL PLAYING 'LET IT BE ME' AS I POST THIS he's so. haunting me everywhere! daily! i hear you hi e <3 #sail on silver girl; sail on by #there must be lights burning brighter somewhere

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natsspammityspamspamham · 1 year

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I'm actually writing this post specifically for @deepwoodenheart because they followed my main and were not a porn blog. Thanks! They've recently expressed an interest in Yuichiro Umehara (a voice actor), and @msyuksanh is his number one fan who is the one who actually introduced me to this specific voice actor. Since I watch a ton of anime (an unhealthy amount), I will be running through some of the stuff I have watched (and some stuff I haven't). Some of these are just to make fun of these anime, but I don't fault any seiyuu for taking a bad role because you do what you need to to make that bread 🍞

His list of roles is big but not as big as some other voice actors, so I was able to go through which ones I had watched or heard of quite quickly. He has made some random appearances in other anime that I've watched where I went "Huh, definitely know this guy from somewhere" like Fire Force, Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun, and Kaguya-sama.

Note: I haven't watched Jojo Part 6 yet or that parody magic anime with the wombat. The anime will go in no specific order, but it generally goes from "good" to "mediocre" to "these anime can go suck cheese" with anything below the "keep reading" being literal trash-tier anime. There's also some missing stuff, especially in terms of idol anime because I haven't watched those and don't plan on it for now. From looking at the cast list, I think his major idol roles are in Magic Kyun, Tsukipro, Ensemble Stars, and Idolmaster SideM (regular Idolmaster is for female idols).

Akagami no Shirayuki-hime

I was talking to a friend of mine recently when we went Christmas shopping, and when he saw this manga he went, "I didn't like that one." I personally did like this one. His complaint was that too much time was given to the secondary love interest. Umehara plays a supporting (but recurring) character.

((This scene still makes me laugh to this day. Kaori Nazuka was really funny here.))

Fruits Basket (remake)

Okay, Umehara admittedly barely shows up in this one, but people should watch Fruits Basket no matter who they are. It's good for the soul. That is all.

((It took me so long to find a fricking gif of this bir-- guy.))

Romantic Killer

Anyone who reads this or anyone who has Netflix should go watch this.

((Kabe-down))

Tenchi Souzou Design-bu

This anime is surprisingly not directly creationism, but it sure comes close! As a biology major, this anime was pretty neat, but some of it made me go, "What am I watching anyway?" I'm not an ecology specialist though, so maybe this makes more sense to others. His character is a supporting character, but he has some funny bits.

((He also gets to rap in this role, so that was kind of funny. My other favourite lines are "Wow, Mercury is dead!" and "WOO! SAIKOU NI COOL!!!"))

SSSS.Dynazenon

This one was not nearly as good as Gridman which was already divisive in the mecha community (that I'm not a part of). I heard from others that it was enjoyable, but I personally thought it was a bit of a bore. Props to the casting director for getting Chika Anzai and her cousin Junya Enoki. There are some subbed radio segments that are funny too.

((Also, this is the first anime I watched where he was cast as an ugly adult. Ain't nobody falling for kinoko hair over here. He has also played a piece of sperm, but I digress.))

Dame x Prince

This anime was built for cringe, and it succeeds at cringe. But because it embraces the cringe, it unironically becomes one of the better anime adaptations of an otome game which is like saying you're the tallest dwarf of the seven dwarfs. It also gave a long-running radio with Kaito Ishikawa and Soma Saito.

Shingeki no Bahamut: Virgin Soul

I genuinely remember so little about this anime that I went to go watch clips to refresh my memory, and this anime wasn't even bad. It was mediocre, but for something based off a card game, they did really well. I actually watched this for Sumire Morohoshi and her bubbly character Nina. This is technically a sequel, so you'd need to watch the previous one to fully understand it. Oddly enough, I didn't know the first season was a romance until some characters kissed.

Gakuen Babysitters

This one was essentially built to be a comfort watch. It works at what it wants to do, but I don't like kids. The ending theme is cute, but Nishiyama looked way more into it (Umehara was there to get paid).

Shinchou Yuusha

I personally thought this anime was gonna be a Konosuba, and it kind of was, but it was far more palatable for me (I was not able to make it through Konosuba and will try again at a later date). Aki Toyosaki carries 99% of the comedy in this anime.

((That slime never did anything to youuuuuuu)

Orenchi no Furo Jijou

Fun fact: I watched this before knowing what a shounen ai was! I saw the shounen part and went "Oh, so my demographic" watched it, came out, and went "What. Was. That?!" I don't remember a whole ton about it, but I don't remember it being horrendous. It's just some mermaid in a bathtub. I think this was his debut role, and he does play a main character.

Juuni Taisen

This is probably in a similar boat as Tenkuu Shinpan (later in the list). It's just a bloodbath of an anime, but I will give it credit that it has fanservice for both sides (they sexualize men and women). Anyways, it has a stacked seiyuu cast for something that is so incredibly mediocre.

Tada-kun wa Koi wo Shinai

He had to be replaced partway through due to his acute immune disease. However, I think he recorded it in post-production. Either way, it's a supporting character in an anime that I think wasn't worth the watch besides the banger of an opening. Masayoshi Ohishi has a knack for writing openings for romcoms (he likes romcoms himself).

((He's the glasses guy))

Tenkuu Shinpan

I kinda want to watch this one just to turn off my brain and watch some Battle Royale-style gore.

((That character looks sick.))

Darling in the Franxx

Apparently, you're supposed to watch the first 12 episodes then dip, but come on, when the mechas are built like that, I'm not touching that thing. Even though it has Haruka Tomatsu and one of her most famous characters, I'm not watching it.

((It took me over 100 gifs to find one with Gorou in them despite typing in "Gorou Darling in the Franxx", and he is part of the main cast.))

Goblin Slayer

You know, for such an edgy first episode, this series is so mid at the genre it tries to take on after. Umehara said himself, "He doesn't really say much of importance." This anime has sexual violence (and it's explicit), and it's not even good.

Plunderer

I haven't watched this one, but he does star alongside his bandmate Yoshiki Nakajima. Both of them have been in better anime that is certainly not this one. I even read a chapter or two of the manga when it first started airing and went, "They're really making that, huh?"

((He forgot one streak of hair when dyeing it haha))

Kabuki-bu!

I couldn't make it through three episodes, but maybe I'll try again-- actually, no I won't.

Uchitama

Hmm... I haven't watched this one. It's not hard to see why, but basically, I have not reached that level of degeneracy, and if I do, someone should put me out of my misery.

Senjuushi

Fun fact: This anime is so bad that it has a rating similar to Boku no P-- I'm not finishing that title. I obviously didn't watch this one.

Makura no Danshi

I didn't watch this one, but I saw a video on it and was near tears from laughter and despair because there's no fricking way someone made an anime about this concept AND got Masayoshi Ohishi to write an OP for it. This is the stupidest thing I've seen in a while, and just being close to it made me even more embarrassed that I watch anime. I also listened to Masayoshi's version of the OP before I knew what it was connected to or how to understand some words in Japanese. After learning its association, I was legally obligated to take that song off my playlist.

#long post #umehara yuuichirou #umehara yuichiro #seiyuu #I'm not tagging the rest

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painsandconfusion · 2 years

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Anon Ask Lineup!!

I got SO many gorgeous lurker confirmation asks, and wow I love you guys so much. You're way too sweet to me. Ahhhhhhh.

That being said, a lot of you had questions and I said I wouldn't rb those asks, but there were several overlapping ones anyway, so I'm just going to make one biiiiiiiggggggg post answering questions here!

How long did I lurk? Six years or so? Longer? I knew I loved whump since I was a little tiny kiddo, but didn't know there was a word for it (I feel like this is a common experience lol), and started following hero x villain things (also a common experience) that eventually lead me to the whump community. I didn't make this blog (well, the same url - it used to be a sideblog and it moved but I'm counting it) about two years ago? But I only started making my own content one year ago.

Have I ever regretted making my blog instead of lurking? Since I started this one? No. But there was a time before where I made a side blog (same url) and started making some whumpy gif sets? And I loved it and was having a nice time with no one knowing or following me, but it was immediately picked up by the kink community instead of this one. While I don't have any problem with that, I felt like I wasn't in the right place and that no one was really listening and I was getting sucked in the wrong direction, so I panicked and deleted the blog. Cut lurking again for two years before making this one.

Was I ever ashamed of whump? Um. Yes. Still kind of am (I'm working on it), but I grew up in a very religious household, and I'm an extremely kind and gentle person irl, so it felt like this horrific denial both of my faith and of myself. I read a post a year and a half ago or so that clarified the difference between fiction and reality for whump, and something about it just made the pieces fit together again for me. It wasn't long after that that I got started making my own content.

How I moved from being a reblogger to a creator? There was one prompt list (here) that I just fell in love with and had a few ideas to continue? So I did. And it got SO many more notes than I expected and I just........fell in love with it? I found I have a knack for prompt lists - much more than gif sets. So I started making prompt lists. They got popular pretty quick. Then I was challenged to do Whumptober, and I did. After that, I felt comfortable starting my own series and doing drabbles and I haven't looked back.

How many irl people know about whump/my blog? Four who I didn't meet through this. I've told three friends and my sister - all of whom took it FAR more gracefully than I expected. While whump isn't their thing, they're incredibly supportive and generally confused why I'm so embarrassed about it. Oops-

Is my whump fixation purely whump, kink, or both? Uhmmmmmmmm....I like whump. I like whump in any context. That bleeds into kink as well. I don't post NSFW things here because a lot of my readers are minors and I genuinely don't trust the tagging system to keep their sweet lovely eyes off the abominations I create asdlkf. But if I'm in an 18+ area where people are chatting, I'm more than willing to discuss it or put out ideas/content. I'm getting more comfortable with it by the day (everyone has hurtles to get over in self-acceptance - that's one of mine).

Do I use whump as an outlet for something else? I know a lot of people have turned to whump to process trauma, but that's not my story. I have loved it since forever, and my ptsd isn't something I ever want to encounter in whump. I have those tags blocked so fucking hard, I don't want to be triggered in my safe space (that's just me - everyone processes differently). But. I do find that it greatly eases my anxiety and nightmares. If I go a week or two without writing or consuming something terrifying, my anxiety doesn't really have an outlet? And it bleeds into dreams. I often have very whumpy dreams, but I don't consider them nightmares, they're just lovely. But the nightmares? Nope. Nuh-uh. Don't want. It's a very small part of why I write, but it's a lovely bonus.

Whelp I think that's all of them?? Shoot me another ask if I missed one - it wasn't intentions.

Love you all so so much - I'm glad you reached out!

General disclaimer: all these are my own expeiance and do not speak to or dictate in any way how others interact with this community or their pasts - everyone's journey is their own, this one is just mine.

#sand asks #whump community #lurker interactions

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vexederolo · 2 years

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Cactus and nutmeg?

﹟random get-to-know-me ask game cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)? hmmm i dunno if i'm actively learning something right now, kind of hit pause on the stuff that I did (spanish in duolingo and coding in python via udemy), so I'll reply on what I want to learn to not make it a really boring answer lol. I definitely want to get back to learn coding, before starting a degree in computer sceience, and maybe i might get into it more in my job later as well. I'd also love to get back to learning more spanish too eventually. It kinda sucks cause I love learning new things but commiting to learning without having an organized frame for it (school, a course, etc) is really hard and reqiures a lot of mental energy i do not possess (and free time, which is also a bit lacking at the moment). also obviously, the 'you have to be good at it immediately or you're a failute tm' is also a factor for me but i'm aware i have to work on that. I'd also love to learn how to gif someday, and how to play a guitar, but I keep not getting around to actually doing anything about it lol.

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on? I don't really have much in the way of decoration in my room/home right now so i'm afraid i'm pretty boring in that regard, I just haven't gotten around to put energy into it. Mostly still just happy i ~have~ a room for myself ever since i moved out cause i didn't at my mom's place. The only actual piece of 'decor' i currently have in my room is an inspiration board on the wall with post-it notes in different colors, in which i wrote some of my favorite lyrics <3 Not sure if that would count as decor but i do have around the house a display cabinet of all my funko pops (way too many) and another one for books. so maybe that. I would definitely love to put more energy into decor someday, maybe buying stickers for favorite lyrics/quotes to put on the wall or some drawing of a landscape and stuff like that. Just feels like something to put more energy into when you actually have an apartment that is ~yours~ (altho, in ~this~ economoy? that's a wild dream) or at least feels more permanent for the long term.

thank you for the ask <3

#sorry i am unable to provide short answers even if i don't know how to respond (or especially if i don't jksdfnjksdf)#but thank you <3 #anons #ask games #asks

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cescalr · 8 months

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

I'm going through my drafts because I completely forgot about half the asks I had that I never did <3 whoops! Sorry everyone. And you, bestie. Sorry <3. Gets a little long bc of image size, so I'll put it under a cut.

So, difficulty here is I've done this more than once, and the list hasn't really changed? FWIW, GTTAU, etc etc. So I guess this time, I'll list favourite WIPS? I mean, FWIW will still be on there, but... still? I'll try not to put any repeats.

For What It's Worth.

FWIW is a project I started because frankly there is not enough ronarry out there. This fandom has atrocious taste <3. So I figured, you know. Be the change you want to see, and all! FWIW is my favourite little guy. I will update it eventually </3. Just, er, probably not until after uni's over.

Ab Epistulis

Something a little different from a gif, since we've all seen the same damn five steo scenes like 1000 times already; an old moodboard I made for the tumblr rpc side of fandom!

Steo my beloved <3 As for the fic; 'If only summer vacation were like in the movies. At least Stiles has the internet to entertain him, right?' It's just a little canon divergent steo au set around the idea of Theo putting in the work to get Stiles on his side earlier than canon. It's a fun idea and I really like what i've got here, just haven't had the time to write more. It'd take a lot of plotting, and I'm, to be brutally honest, a terrible planner. We'll see when I can get back to it, because I definitely want to!

And The Universe Decrees: Second Year.

Heh. Yeahh....... really need to find the time to get back to this one. Love a good canon divergence.

Better Now.

Another prompted fic! My girls <3. Ginny/Cho coffee shop au in the muggle cliché continuity. it's fun. I really like this one.

Post ST4 AU[s].

This is... sort of cheating, lol, but they're all in... they're almost all in the same continuity, so it's kind of like FWIW; I think the side-fics amissum and amortencia are part of the fic, they're canon to it, they should be read with it, they're just not in it bc they're not ron pov. This is maybe more similar to GTTAU, though, because some fics here fill in blanks in each other, so they should all really be read together, whereas you could miss AV and Amortencia from FWIW if you wanted to [ :( ] yk? Whilst Herd Culling & Kneel and Disconnect are in different timelines, they're spouses. They need to be read alongside each other to get the full picture. Literally a really important scene for K&D is in HC and will never be shown in K&D bc of the narrator being who she is vs the narrator of HC being who he is, yk? It's. They're married. Do you get what I mean? Anyway; I'm really putting this here for Herd Culling, if I'm being real. Carol sucks to write because she's just so awful, which is why I had to tone down Tommy a bit for some relief from writing an 80s bigot (he's. still a bigot, though. 80s. Indiana. You know how it goes :/), and as a consequence its easier to say I like the fic because it's just more fun to write. Both K&D and HC are about grief, about the trauma of bereavement and how people do or don't deal with it. Carol's spiralling makes her meaner, more self-destructive, and so does Tommy's, but it's expressed in different ways because of their different methods of navigating life, which I think is interesting. Character study is like my favourite thing to do, which I guess wouldn't be hard to notice from my back catalogue, lol, but still, should be noted. HC is an... easier? read than K&D, though, as a result of the content warnings on them both. Tommy's less reflective than Carol, so his internal narration is less direct - less room for him to spout bigoted shit if he's just not thinking in the first place. They're also at different stages of grief. Tommy's just started entering anger; Carol's been angry for a long time, just... simmering in her misery. It shows. They're both still horrible people, though, no denying that. These fics are more of a test of my ability to write a redemption arc for someone that says and thinks reprehensible shit. But it's also a kind of... study of what it was like to live in a time and place like Stranger Things' setting, and how the cultural, social systems at play hurt literally everyone. Plus, yk, Stranger Things' own refusal to really care about intra-season continuity and propensity to ignoring incredibly traumatic events because that's not the character they're focusing on this season, and they don't know how to write consistently for as large an ensemble cast as they've given themselves in a netflix acceptable timeframe. (I miss 22 episode seasons.) Anyway; the ST Post-S4AU is my most current WIP, as of time of typing this out.

#ask game

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sweetswesf · 2 years

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A Long Overdue Update...And This One's a Juicy One...Pt. 2

Continued from Pt. 1

Tumblr did me DIRTY and deleted everything I wrote for my part 2. Talking about I CRASHED the editor. *EYEROLL!!!*

I'm angryyyyyyyy I had so much there...Sigh...I'm already pretty stressed...This has happened before...let's start again...

I woke up to an email. Got let go. Company was sad they had to make the decision to lay off 13% of the workforce. I was angry, sad. Stayed in bed for hours and didn't work out, but did get up to do some self care, eat (real meals...a lot!), and wash the dishes. I took a nap, woke up, and realized I was laid off and just felt so low. I also kept telling myself, "I hope I don't stay this way forever. The road ahead is not clear and I have no clue how these next few months will go. I can see how people turn to vices or spiral out of control. I will be okay, but for many, bad situations like this are extremely hard to recover from. I can't imagine anything worse. I can't judge anyone either." Homelessness did cross my mind as an irrational fear, but I could see how something like that could happen for many without opportunity. Please just trying to get it right. Thank God I have support around me, but a lot of people don't. I've always known that but empathized a bit more that day. One bad day leading to a pattern of bad habits. I felt sick.

I was one of two Black software engineers, to my knowledge, that got let go, and one of two engineers on my team that got let go. The other engineers in both situations were on leave. It hurt. It felt like a rug was ripped out from underneath me. This was the only tech company I have worked at, the company I have been at for over the past 6 years, and joined when I was 22 (I'm now 29). I was overwhelmed. So much so, I ate the remaining pack of red vines on my nightstand for breakfast.

I caught myself comparing myself and even secretly hoped I wasn't the only one in my apprenticeship cohort that was let go. It was true though. I hope my force to be positive and protect my ego during this time doesn't make me miss out on my lesson. Maybe this was supposed to happen. Maybe I just wasn't ready. Maybe my next spot will be better.

Back in high school I was so sad I didn't get into UCLA, but USC was where I belonged the whole time. Back when I was about to start my bootcamp, I was mad my manager did not let me take a sabbatical and was mad when I found out he was let go literally MONTHS after I decided to leave. But had I not gone by that time, who's to say I would have made the transition because the pandemic came the next year and trying to make a transition at that time would have been SO MUCH HARDER. I could still be in FINANCE! YIKES!

···

GIF by zemenipearls

A lot of people came to my help though. I thought of everything I should do. Moving back home was not an option: no one has a room for me and I haven't heard from my parents or grandfather in so long. My grandmother, although shady when she calls, has been the only one with well wishes when she does. Ehh. I felt like my life was very hard. I thought of moving away but everything would be just as expensive as staying with moving costs and such and the time suck it would be and I kind of need to keep as many things as I can control stagnant so I can focus. I thought of taking some time off but to do what? Mope & watch YouTube? Not smart to take a big financial trip, and traveling ANYWHERE is a big financial trip at this point with rent this high and no promise of income after mid-January 2023. Maybe it'll serve as motivation TO go somewhere WHEN I get hired. I made schedule and figured this was probably for my best. I didn't think I'd be one and thought back to all the warnings a paranoid colleague of mine had about us potentially being on the chopping block. We both were. Layoffs like these are not always due to performance, but I can't help but feel that that was a part of my story too. Maybe I just was not ready. I had been working a LOT but finally getting to a place where I was catching my rhythm and told myself to just stay focused.

This post was longer and had more passion and detail but Tumblr has me HOT. Maybe it was not meant to be posted. I thought of getting a sugar daddy for a hot second. I thought of pursuing acting, being a rap tour manager, taking my app to a start up accelerator. Listen to the advice of haters who prompted me with, "Are you going to do something completely different?" BITCH YOU WISH!!! I know I just expressed my thoughts of probably doing something else, but coming from one of the haters, it felt like hate. She been a confirmed hater for a while. My internship ended around the time when people got laid off in 2020, so she thought I was one until I came back. When I came back, her post in the channel was, "How are people being able to come back so quickly?" People weren't getting hired back, she didn't know the logistics of my internship, so it looked like I was let go and hired back. I called her out publicly in the same channel. She's attempted at friendship pretty poorly since then. She suggested we even hang out when she NEVER has offered but has had many opportunities to in the past. "You should write down what you REALLY want to do," came from an old lady in my network. Girl bye. I'm on this mission and I'm going to get it.

But I did have thoughts. Maybe this was a sign that I need to do something else. But I told myself, "No, that's the devil." I like how this is challenging me. Who it's forcing me to become. I feel like it is in line with what I believe God's purpose for my life is and that's to heal and help heal. Build generational wealth. Be a lender, not a borrower. Help others. Work hard but live comfortably. I had improved. It's been challenging. It's forced me to think about my health more and has drawn me close to him. But I'll keep listening and hope that a bit of pride isn't wrapped up in my decision to keep going along this path too. Sometimes I feel like there is SOO much for me to learn and will I thrive elsewhere and not just be SURVIVING which I feel like I have been doing my whole career? Do I love it? No, but I am learning a lot, and it's allowed me to have multiple investments and streams of income...kinda, on that last point lol. I now only have 1 stream and that stream is pennies, but I'll get another stream back.soon..

The next day, a friend reached out who was also laid off but not at my company and recommended me for a role. He said helping people helps him get out of his funk. That was sweet of him. I am reminded that his cousin sexually assaulted me on his couch two Summers ago, but he didn't know about it, it wasn't his fault, and I wasn't going to remind him.

It encouraged me though. I updated my resume, scheduled some calls with some recruiters, put a weekly check-in meeting on the calendar with some folks who were also laid off, and put my name on the list recruiting circulates to help laid off folks find placements sooner. This could have been worse! I could have been fired solo. That would have been even more embarrassing. But if I want to get to a place of TRULY not caring what people think, I have to shake the ego off. I even scheduled a meeting with an old teammate who's at the company that's on the top of my list of places I want to be. I didn't know that she had left and I didn't know she was there. We've had a FEW encounters in the past. She wanted to help when I was an apprentice. We had a weird encounter then, and I think it was partially due to my ego. Kinda regretting that now. I don't know if she peeped game. We've been cordial since. She also used to be on my team when I started with my most recent team. We haven't gotten close, but maybe all these run ins where just a set up for this next big step. It's also a reminder that, you never know when you'll need someone on your side, and burn bridges if you must, yes, but do so strategically. Not everyone has to know how you TRULY feel. I'm trying to take my own advice and remain humble. Learn from my past mistakes. Whatever will be will be...I'm hoping it's in God's plans and that what I'm hoping to come true will and that it's the best thing for me in God's eyes. Here are the things I want to master and my proposed schedule plan:

Going to focus on algoexpert, interview cake, codewars, and leetcode.

So in addition to these learning goals, I'm going to stay on my health goals and get down to my desired weight. I'll take some time off before my next role starts. I can't imagine I'll take some time off before then. This is all that's on my mind. I'll get some time to focus on the things I wanted to learn but just didn't have time to at work. I was out of balance and hopefully this allows me to get back on track. If I have to dip into savings, so be it. Thank God I have them. I can't eat out as much or buy as much, but I don't need much these days anyway. I feel like I'm pretty good on what I have. Not too dazzled by the restaurant options in SF. I've tried a lot and can wait a little while. At least I can mope and not take care of myself on the days it is really hard instead of having to be a person in front of a spouse or children or have to find a job before I get kicked out of the country because it's against my visa like others who are not citizens like me. Can't travel as much, but I will again soon. This won't be forever. It just pushes those goals out a bit to achieve some others that God wants me to focus on. And it'll bring me even closer to him. Focusing on the blessings. Trying to at least. It will be a rollercoaster, but it will make me better. Part of the fear is that I have tried to master these concepts before but also get fatigued. And maybe that's because I've consistently had the promise of a job where that wouldn't be tested...but it is now. So I will have to become a different person to elevate. Maybe spend less time on these social media sites. Eat better. Stay hydrated. I'm already so tired but I have no choice but to do it. Failure or giving up is not an option here.

Also, RIP Takeoff. This week was ROUGH! This year has been rough. But tomorrow is a new day...Although my life has genuinely felt rough, I have accomplished a lot, am much more independent, am much more confident, have been in my apartment solo now for a year, and I'm still here and of pretty good health.

I hope to keep this thing updated more often on this journey in hopes that it is helpful to you. I hope to do it weekly. I hope you'll tune in, read, comment, share. I'll leave you with some videos that encouraged me (even though I don't really love Dave Chappelle):

youtube

Y'all be blessed!

#female software engineers #software engineer #software development #software engineering #software #computer science #computers #computer #fired #let go #laid off #layoffs #tech layoffs #python #javascript #Youtube #christian

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sebsbrokentoe · 3 years

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Home at Last

Masterlist

warnings: 18+, unprotected sex, size kink, teasing, hand job, clit rubbing, slight overstimulation ( I know I missed something so please forgive me, I have no idea how to tag these) not proofread.

word count: 1631

MINORS DNI

gif credit

You were awoken by kisses all over your face and a large body hovering over you. You were slightly annoyed at the disturbance but you couldn't help but smile at the sight of your boyfriend, who you haven't seen in 2 weeks.

Having Captain America had it's perks yes, you had the honour of seeing in that suit and without it. But you sometimes had to go long periods of time without seeing him. You knew he was just doing his job but you missed him.

So if you couldn't sleep tonight, at least he was home, with you.

"I missed you" You sighed at the feeling of lips on your neck. Small kisses being planted everywhere as if he was learning every part of your body. Whenever he got home all he wanted was to hold you, to be with you. He couldn't help but wake you up sometimes just to see your eyes and to hear your sweet voice.

"I missed you too" You turned to your side to look at him, the moonlight hitting his face giving him a glow. You cupped his cheek, grazing your thumb against his cheek, his eyes closing at the feeling.

He felt at home with you. After everything he has to go through, he's happy to come home to you.

"Anything happened today?" you kept your voice to a whisper, seeing that Sam was close to falling asleep. "Nothing out of the usual. I'm okay, now that I'm here with you" not that you were trying to be discrete with your questioning, but some days affected him more than he let on. All the criticisms of him being Captain America, it got to him more than he would admit. You didn't want to push him but you wanted him to talk to you, no matter when it was.

He always claimed you had a superpower when it came to that. You could easily sense if something's wrong and you'd poke and poke at them to talk. Not in an annoying way, sometimes. But mostly it was the fact that you couldn't handle the people around you in pain.

You felt him shivered beside you, confusing you because the room wasn't good and the windows were closed. "Are you cold?" you whispered, his eyes opening at your question. You almost shivered from the look in his eyes, a look you knew too well.

"What do you need baby?" Before you finished your sentence, you felt a bulge against your thigh and a whimper from Sam’s lips. You grazed your lips against his, your hands moving towards his pants to grip his erection through the fabric. Another moan echoed through the room, when you teasingly stroked the outline of his cock, still in his pants, sensing his frustration.

“Please just-” Sam whimpered again when you gripped his cock, still teasing through the fabric, fully knowing what it was doing to him. You felt bad for teasing him so you decided to move the show along. You pulled his pants down to the best of your ability, pulling out his cock, seeing pre-cum at the tip you used your thumb to remove it, not before putting it in your mouth.

While looking at him, you sucked at your thumb, swirling your tongue around it, your other hand moving to his cock. He didn’t see your other hand, enticed at the sight in front of him. After removing your thumb, he quickly pushed his lips on yours, not being able to hold himself back any longer. His tongue moved with yours, exploring each others mouth, as if for the first time. He thrusted his hips, with your hand on his cock, needing to feel some kind of relief.

You pulled back from the kiss when you felt his fingers teasing the top of your sleeping shorts. Now both of you were helping the other out, but it wasn’t enough for either of you. Sam’s fingers finding your clit, rubbing it slowly, making your hips buck up the feeling.

“Sam, please, I need more” You couldn’t take the teasing, even though it wasn’t particularly on purpose, you just needed to feel him. “What do you need sweetheart?” Sam said, continuing to tease your folds, his own frustration letting out at the feeling of your slick pussy. “I need you, Sam, please” You begged him at this point, and that seemed to work because, in a blink of an eye, he moved your hand away and his to lean up against the headboard, easily moving your body on his lap, your slick dripping on his cock. He rested his hands on your hips, giving you the signal to take control, all he needed was you right now.

You moved against his cock, your slick now coating his cock, the tip of his cock teasing your entrance every time you rocked your hips. You looked up at Sam with his head thrown back, biting his lip to control himself from taking control again. You loved having this effect on him, the fact that you and only you could see him like this and do this to him. You had enough of your own teasing and lifted yourself, planting your knees on either side of him.

You grabbed his cock to gently lower yourself on it, pausing at some moments so you won’t push yourself too far. You took a deep breath at the feeling on him all the way in. Trying to catch your breath, you see Sam eyeing the small bulge in your stomach. He felt almost proud at the sight, loving to see you filled up by him. His hands never stop touching you, trying to help you relax a bit.

You were finally ready to move, not giving him time to fully understand what you were going to do. You moved up his cock and back down, moaning at the feeling of him hitting your cervix, feeling full from his cock. His hands held your hips, not entirely moving you, but keeping them there for comfort, knowing that being on top for you could be uncomfortable.

“You’re doing so well for me sweetheart, fuck, you feel so fucking good, I could stay in this pussy forever” You clenched around his cock at his words, the thought of him being buried in you all the time seeming like heaven on earth.

“You’d like that, huh, you’d like me to fill you with cum all the time, keep your greedy pussy filled. Fuuuck honey, keep doing that, daddy loves that” You started to move faster, not moving up all the way but keeping a steady rhythm to make the two of you moan. He could feel you clenching each time you moved back down. He thought you looked like a goddess riding him, using him for your pleasure.

“Sam, please I need more” You could feel your orgasm getting closer, needing that small push. Sam knew exactly what you needed, and didn’t waste any time in rubbing your clit with his thumb, sending you right over the edge. You almost fell forward, Sam still thrusting into your chasing after his orgasm, but wanting to get one more out of you. Before your orgasm could etch away, another one hit you, not as much as the one before, but left you breathless the same.

Sam sped up his movements, his orgasm hitting him like a train, his cum spilling out of you. He moaned at the sight, seeing you on his chest, filled with bliss and cum. Both of you were breathing heavily, your head resting on his chest, your body not being able to move, being on top draining the energy out of you.

You were starting to fall back asleep, but the mess between your legs made you uncomfortable. Sam was still inside of you, seeming to like holding you like this. His fingers were gently caressing your spine, light touches everywhere, and small kisses to your temple, words of love being whispered into your ear.

“Sorry to interrupt the moment, but I really need to pee.” Sam laughed at your tired voice, knowing that you needed to sleep right now otherwise he’d have to pay in the morning if you were grumpy.

“Give me a sec, I wanna see the cum dripping out of you” You shouldn’t have blushed at his words but you became shy after sex and needless to say but Sam never has a filter around you. Both of you laughed, but as Sam started to slowly lift you up, the laughter stopped. You could feel the emptiness between your legs which made you ache, even more, therefore Sam was more than careful to move you. He moaned when he saw the stickiness seep out of you, the sight almost making him hard again. He whispered soft assurances to you to help ease your body.

He carried you to the bathroom, to help get cleaned up, even though you insisted he didn’t have to carry you. You could’ve walked, barely, but you couldn’t inflate his ego even more when it came to his dick. By the time you came back to bed, Sam had changed the sheets not being ashamed of the mess left behind at all, which made you blush. You cuddled up next to him, one hand on his stomach, resting your head on his chest.

In these moments, he wasn’t a superhero trying to save the world, he was just your Sam, who you’d spend the rest of your life with. Sam had the same thoughts, remembering the shiny ring hidden in his closet to give to you soon. That’s all he wants, to spend the rest of his days with you as his wife and soon he’d have that.

tags: @you-expect-too-much @peyda @leyannrae @greeneyedblondie44 @harrysthiccthighss @iwannabekilledtwice

#sam wilson smut #sam wilson fluff #sam wilson x poc!reader #sam wilson x female reader #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson #sam wilson x you #sam wilson x y/n

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sapphosthoughtsandwritings · 3 years

Text

Phone Calls and Voicemails - Bucky x Reader x Natasha

Summary: Your abusive ex creeps his way back into your life, wanting you to return to him. When he threatens those you love, what will you do to make sure they're safe? And just how will your lovers react when they find out?

Warnings: talks of an abusive partner; mentions of physical abuse; verbal abuse/arguing; manipulation; brief mentions of therapy; food is mentioned a lot; allusions to cheating; Bucky restrains Reader by holding them; cussing || IF ANY OF THESE THEMES ARE TRIGGERING, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS FIC ||

Genre: lots of angst, ends with fluff

Word Count: ~4.5K

A/N: Is- is this an appropriate way to come out as a Bucky x Natasha shipper??? On a more serious note, I haven't been very excited about my recent writing, so I decided to write something a little different to challenge myself, and I quite like how this turned out. I've also realized not taking my time and writing disingenuous to my style isn't the right way to go, so I apologize if I take longer to write from now on, but I think it'll be good in the long run! Also if you sent in a request, don't fret, I'm currently working on them!! Just needed something to help get me out of my writing block. :D || (not my gifs)

⁂~ ~ ~⁂

Your phone buzzed abruptly, as you walked into your bedroom. You were hesitant to answer it. You’d been getting a lot more phone calls lately. What started out as voicemails that you assumed were prank calls, became ominous threats from a new number everyday. But you always answered. It worried you to think that one of your teammates may be calling from a borrowed phone, so of course you answered every number. This was becoming too much though.

Letting out a shaky breath, you took a few steps over to the nightstand by your bed, unplugging your phone, staring at the number flashing on the screen. You swallowed your nerves, pressing the green button, holding the cell up to your ear. “Hello?”. “Hey darling, you’re not gonna hang up on me again, right?”, you shut your eyes, regret washing over you. Who the hell was this? And why did they sound so familiar? “Who are you? And just what the fuck do you want?”, your face was tense, eyes glowing with frustration and fear. “My, oh my, so vulgar. Since when did you get such a dirty mouth, whore?”, the voice taunted. It suddenly hit you. You knew this person, the only person in your life that had talked to you like this: your ex. Well, abusive ex, that is. You sucked in a sharp breath, tears starting to well up, threatening to fall at any second.

“Alex. How the fuck did you get my number?”, your hand rested on the nightstand, holding up part of your weight, as you let your head lull downwards. “Oh, come on now, you can’t be serious. It’s not that hard to find your information through SHIELD’s files”. Right, how could you forget, he was notoriously good with hacking, which is why he was always in “trouble” with the law. Your nerves were on fire now, numb hands shaking with the sheer adrenaline running through you. You’re a trained fighter, so why was he scaring you? Maybe it was the months of manipulation, not knowing when he was going to blow, not knowing when his kindness was true or not, but knowing that you couldn’t fight back, he would always find a loophole. He would always win.

You pushed it all down, the memories didn’t matter right now. “So you’ve moved onto hacking one of the biggest government organizations. Hope that fares well for you. Not quite sure what the fuck that has to do with me though”, you sneered, your muscles hurting from being so tensed. You put on a cocky front, but you weren’t quite sure that your anxiety would ever end. He chuckled lightly at your words, the sound making your skin crawl. “You’ve always been all bark and no bite, huh? That’s the type of shit that gets your pretty face smashed up, kitten”, you cringed at the nickname, and at his words, as your mind played back scenes from your past with him. You still had scars from him, both physically and mentally. “Now, listen closely, can you do that for me?”, you gritted your teeth, refusing to respond to his question, although that was exactly what he wanted. “Good kitty, not so hard to keep shut, now is it? You know that I don’t like to beg for the things I want. So, why don’t you keep being good for me, and come back to me?”. “And why the hell would I do that?”, you spat at him, there was no way you’d ever go back to him, unless it was to kill him. You’d been through way too much therapy because of him, just another bill added on to the list of money you’d wasted on him. “What, you can’t connect the dots? If you don’t come back with me, I’ll make sure your whole team, hell the whole company, will pay for your ignorance”. Your breath caught in your throat. You didn’t want to believe him, but a part of you knew that he could fuck things up royally. A part of you knew that he could hurt the people you now call family. He could hurt the two people you call yours. A tear managed to roll down your cheek, as you tasted iron, biting your lip so hard that it bled. Was it this easy for him to get you back? But it wasn’t worth his threat, whether or not he could follow through with it or not. “Don’t you dare do anything to them”, your voice was quiet, filled with blinding hatred. He laughed at that. He knew he had won. He always won with you. “Oh, don’t worry, I won’t do anything. You just have to do what I say, yeah?”. The rational side of your mind took over for a moment, there’s no way he would actually dare mess with SHIELD, right? “You’re stupid if you think you can even get close enough to hurting my friends”. “No, no, I won’t hurt your friends first. I’ll do you one better. I’ve got… connections with HYDRA, to put it simply. I can make sure they get ahold of your precious boy and girl toy. I can make sure the next time you see them is while they slit your pretty little throat”, he enunciated the last three words, his voice holding a new found venom, a tone that cut straight through your façade. He knew how to hit where it hurt, and it worked. You’d do anything for Bucky and Natasha, no matter what, you’d make sure they were safe.

You rested your head on your arm that was still on the nightstand, your body hunching over on itself. You hadn’t felt this feeble, this hopeless, in so long, and it dragged you down into a deep black pit with no escape. “Fine”, was all you managed to say without letting him hear your voice break. He’d already won, you weren’t going to let him bask in your pain so easily. He hummed in approval, “Good choice, kitten. I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early, before the sun rises, at the address I’ve texted you. Oh, and just remember, you tell a single soul about this, and your little lovebirds are HYDRA’s”, and with that, the line cut out, leaving you with a deafening silence. You fell to the floor haphazardly, the walls around you closing in as panic consumed you. What were you going to tell Nat and Bucky? They were already overprotective of you, they’d surely want to know where you were going. Your thoughts spiraled, and your throat burned from your sobs. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t. You had to think of something, and fast. Bucky and Nat would be home soon.

You spent most of the afternoon pacing your room, biting at your nails, at your skin and lips. You’d forgotten to eat lunch, you’d forgotten when your lovers were coming home, and you always greeted them. So when you didn’t show up to shower the two agents in hugs and kisses, they worried. No amount of bruises or cuts from their mission held them back from racing through the halls of the compound, almost breaking the button to your floor in the elevator. Before you knew it, there was a heavy pounding at your door, making you nearly jump out of your skin. “(Y/n)? Baby? Are you okay in there?”, Nat’s voice called out. “Oh, fuck”, you muttered to yourself, there was no way you could face them like this. Your eyes were bloodshot, your hair disheveled from how much you’d been pulling at it, your fingertips and lips cut and bleeding slightly. Your lack of an answer fueled their anxiety more, as Bucky pounded at the door again. “Doll? What’s wrong? Open the door”. You wiped the tears off your face, brushing your fingers through your hair, making yourself look as presentable as you possibly could. You got to the door just on time, turning the knob at the same time as Bucky.

“Hey, loves, sorry I didn’t greet you guys, guess my nap knocked me out harder than I thought”, you chuckled nervously, watching both of their faces, reading for any sort of disbelief. They both let out a silent breath, visibly untensing at your words. “No worries honey, you need your sleep”, Natasha assured you, pushing past you into your room, Bucky following after her. He gently grabbed your face between his large hands, looking at your features with a hint of worry. “Have you been sleeping enough, doll? You look worn out”, his voice was tender, his thumbs rubbing your cheeks comfortingly. “I guess- well, maybe not”, this was a good enough excuse for your appearance and behavior, and you hoped they both bought it. Natasha walked over to you, circling her arm around your back. “Sounds like you could use a day off. Lucky for you, we’re all free from work tomorrow, so how ‘bout we all take the day to relax and cuddle?”, she squeezed your hip, pressing a kiss to your temple. You felt your heart sink at her words, there was no way you could talk your way out of this. You swallowed the lump in your throat, forcing a smile to your face. “Hmm, that sounds perfect. A whole day to spoil you, peach”, Bucky added, smiling so warmly at you. It all made you want to break down crying again. Your anxiety bit at every nerve ending in your body, it felt like the whole world was closing in on you, but you had to fake it, for them. “Sounds good to me”, you murmured, afraid that if you raised your voice any more that you’d crack.

They could not find out about your ex, the man you’d only ever mentioned to your therapist. Of course, Natasha and Bucky inferred that there was some dark part to your past, but they never pressured you to open up. They only respected your boundaries, your need to go slow, your need to feel every moment, to know that it wasn’t just a dream. If anything, they knew exactly how you felt, and they were more than willing to take things at your pace, to give you every ounce of reassurance that you needed. You had no clue why you were so afraid of telling them about him. Maybe you were afraid of losing them, of their kindness being too good to be true. You didn’t want to chase them away, not when they’ve become the most important thing to you in life. Not when they’d taught you that you were in fact loveable, something you never thought you’d ever learn to feel. “Then it’s a deal, tomorrow’s a day just for us”, Bucky declared, leaning down to give you a slow and sweet kiss. “Yeah, just for us”, you echoed his words, as if trying to believe them yourself. “We’re gonna go and get cleaned up, then we can order your favorite take out for dinner”, Natasha said, smiling brightly at the idea of giving you something special.

They both started for the door, gesturing for you to follow. Your eyes remained down the whole time, stuck inside your head, contemplating what you should do. They both talked about their missions as they gathered their clothes, recalling close calls and badass moments, things that merely went in one ear and out the other. Your head was too full for any other thoughts. Right before they went to shower, Bucky turned to you, “Speaking of food, you did eat today, right doll?”. When did they start talking about food again? You snapped back for a moment, taking a second too long to think, giving them the answer without speaking. Both of their features creased with worry, as Bucky gently squeezed your arm. “Sweetheart, you really need to take better care of yourself”, he sighed, soft baby blues filled with concern. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you a bigger meal then to make up for it”, Natasha assured the both of you, as she walked into one of the bathrooms. Bucky wasn’t quite convinced, his eyes never leaving your form. “You sure you’re okay?”. “Never been better, baby”, you faked the same smile again, hoping he’d let it go. He huffed slightly, nodding his head, before heading to the bathroom as well.

Once they both finished cleaning up and changing, you all ate dinner together. It was tradition that you’d eat meals together at the dinner table, a normalcy that none of you had ever had before, but one that you all loved dearly. Tonight was different though. Sitting at that table with them only made your stomach churn, knowing that your life was so far from normal, even in this moment. You tried your best to pay attention to them, nodding your head and laughing at their conversation, but it wasn’t enough. “You’ve been awfully quiet all night babe”, Natasha pointed out, turning her attention to you. Bucky hummed, also turning to look at you, “And you’ve barely eaten anything. Are you feeling okay, sugar?”, his voice holding more concern than earlier, eyes boring into you. They both watched you intently, searching for any twitch in your features. You cleared your throat softly, looking down at your plate, “Guess I’m just feeling a bit under the weather. Maybe I’m catching a cold”. You hated lying to them, nothing crushed your heart more. While your focus was on your plate, you missed the furrowed expressions from your two lovers, as they gave each other a silent look of concern. “Well, that just means you don’t get to complain when we spoil you all day tomorrow”, Natasha chirped, turning back to finish her meal. “If you’re not feeling well, you should try to eat a little more, doll. Wouldn’t want that cold to turn worse”. You only hummed in response, nibbling at the food in front of you. An unnerving silence fell over the three of you, one that made your skin break out in goosebumps.

They both walked you to your room afterwards, opting to sleep with you for the night, despite your protests. “But you two will get sick”. “Then we’ll get more time to recover with you”, Natasha smiled at you, rubbing your back comfortingly. You faked a smile yet again, “You’re not gonna accept ‘no’ as an answer, huh?”, you joked, hoping they couldn’t hear your nervousness. They both shook their heads, as you all changed into pajamas, which for them was quite similar to their normal clothes, both of them needing to be ready to get up at a moment’s notice. They turned out the lights, guiding you to sleep in between them. Normally being so close to them would make you feel so safe, but you couldn’t have felt more vulnerable. You stayed awake for hours, waiting until they were both sound asleep.

Once you were sure they’d fallen asleep, you ever so slowly, took your arm away from Natasha’s waist, turning onto your back. You then nudged Bucky’s arm off of your own waist, hearing him huff in his sleep, but never waking up. You shuffled yourself out of the blankets, listening for any movement or change of breath, crawling off the bed with feather light movements. Any wrong step would wake them up, they were both such light sleepers. You managed to get off the bed without either of them ever making a sound, as you crept around your room, collecting everything you would need, mentally preparing yourself for the day you were about to have, preparing yourself for the absolute worst. But this was for them, for your family.

Just as you placed your hand on the door knob, you heard Natasha clear her throat, as your bedside lamp clicked on. Your swore your heart stopped beating, as your forehead collided with the door. “And just where do you think you’re going?”, her voice rang through the silence. There was no way out of this, there were no lies believable enough to get you through your bedroom door. “Just- I was just going out”, you muttered out. “(Y/n), look at us”, Bucky stated sternly. You didn’t want to look at them, at their anger, at their disappointment. You didn’t want them to see your fear, just how weak you looked. Reluctantly, you turned around, keeping your gaze at your feet in shame, pressing your back flush against the door. “Where would you be going at this hour?”, Bucky asked, his voice sounded so hurt, something that squeezed your heart in a painful grip. You didn’t get a chance to respond, before Natasha spoke up, her voice holding even more hurt than Bucky’s, “You better not be seeing someone else, (Y/n)”. With that, you cracked slightly, tears once again glazing over your eyes. Your bottom lip quivered, how could you explain this? You realized that no matter how you explained this, it would end in heartbreak. Natasha scoffed at your silence, “Unbelievable, after everything we’ve been through. After everything we’ve done for you. It’s still not enough”, she spat at you, her anger becoming more apparent with every cutting word. “It’s not like that”, you murmured, feeling a few hot tears burn down your face. “Then what is it like?”, Bucky asked, his voice much quieter than Natasha’s, but filled with so much pain that burst your heart, and splattered it all over your rib cage. Your breath caught in your throat, tears now streaming down your face. You wanted to run and hide. You wanted to go back in time, to make sure you never fucking picked up the phone. To make sure you hung up on him the moment he opened his stupid fucking mouth.

You clenched your jaw, shaking your head, holding back your pitiful cries. “I’m so sorry, but I have to do this. I love you both”, you choked out, turning your back to them, opening the door, almost sprinting down the hall towards the elevator. But you weren’t quick enough, as heavy footsteps grew closer and closer. Two large arms wrapped around you, encasing your frame, causing you to thrash around violently. “God, please, just let me go!”, your voice cracked, as you sobbed, pushing against Bucky’s grasp, but to no avail. “Not until you tell us what the fuck is going on!”, Natasha shot back, her feet coming into your line of vision. She grabbed your face, forcing you to look up at her. You couldn’t help the copious amounts of tears that fell onto her hands, or your shaky breath that threatened to give out at any minute. Her features softened a bit as she took in your panicked look. “(Y/n), this isn’t like you. What the hell has gotten into you?”, she lowered her voice, Bucky’s grip on you never faltering, knowing that if he let go, you’d make another run for it. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I never told you guys about him. I was just so scared”, your voice broke at the end, as your sobs echoed off the walls of the dark hallway. “Him? Who are you talking about?”, Bucky’s voice rumbled against your back. You took a loud breath in, shaking in his arms. “My ex. He said he was gonna hurt you guys. I was gonna leave to go meet him, so he wouldn’t hurt you. I didn’t want him to hurt you guys. I know that he could if he wanted to. I’m so sorry”, you rambled on, closing your eyes tightly, your sobs growing more violent by the second.

Natasha looked up to Bucky, both of their features paling, washing over with worry. “(Y/n), baby, look at me”, Natasha said gently, her grip on your face softening, stroking your tears away. You opened your eyes, barely able to make out her face through your blurred vision. She could see every ounce of paranoia in you. She could see that he scared you, that he had hurt you in some way. “I don’t know what that fucker did to you, but whatever it was, he’s gonna pay dearly for it. No one fucking hurts you, no one hurts my baby”, her voice was quiet, filled with a bitterness that you’d never seen before. Bucky loosened his grip on you, but didn’t let go, instead pulling you into his chest, holding you gently. “Where is he gonna be, doll?”, his voice was cold, like a predator ready to pounce on its prey. You shook your head, more panic surging through you. “No, no, no, no. You two can’t go to him. He’ll hurt you. I can’t let him hurt you”, you looked at Natasha, practically begging her with your eyes to not go. Her expression never changed, as she stroked your head. “He won’t, I can promise you that. You know we always keep our promises baby”. You nodded slightly, as your crying calmed a bit. “So, can you tell us where he is?”. “He texted me the address”, you mumbled, they both knew the password to your phone, just in case of emergencies. She gave a quick, soft kiss to your forehead, before heading back to your bedroom to find your phone that you had dropped when you ran.

Bucky hugged you closer to him, rubbing his hands over your arms, rocking side to side slightly, as he placed his chin on your head. Natasha came back within a minute, nodding to Bucky, as he squeezed you one last time before letting go. “Promise we’ll be back by sunrise, okay sweetheart?”, he assured you, giving you a soft kiss on the lips, Natasha doing the same. You knew there was no way to stop them now, they had their minds made up, you just had to trust them. “Okay, you better come back in one piece”, your worried glance darted between the two of them. They both smirked, a hand from each of them patting your arms. “Don’t worry about us baby, that shit ass ex of yours is the only person who should be worried”, Natasha stated, looking up at Bucky with a knowing glint in her eyes. “Mhm, she’s right. You need to get some sleep though while we’re out, though. Can you do that for us?”. You nodded, you hoped you could sleep, the events of the day taking a toll on your body and mind. They both gave you another kiss, before turning to walk down the hall, “We’ll be back soon baby”. “Sleep well, peach”. And with that, you watched as they both stepped into the elevator, on their way to handle Alex.

You meandered your way back to your room, changing out of your shirt, opting to grab Bucky’s off the floor, along with Natasha’s jacket, wrapping yourself up in both of the garments, letting their scent surround you. Collapsing to the bed, you felt your eyelids grow heavy, your sob session tiring you out more than any recent mission you’d been on. Right before sleep took you over, you spoke up, “Hey FRIDAY, wake me up if something happens to Nat or Bucky please”. “Of course, Agent (Y/l/n)”. As the intercoms clicked off, your world grew dark, a dreamless sleep cascading over you.

You woke up to the feeling of soft kisses being placed on your face, a small hand caressing your side. Blinking slowly, you squinted at the sudden intrusion of light, groaning quietly. Natasha chuckled above you, “Good morning, beautiful”. You hummed, a sense of relief and calmness washing over you. Your lovers had gotten home safely. “G’morning sunshine”, you mumbled tiredly, basking in her soft touches. “As cute as you look sleeping, Bucky’s making us a special breakfast, so you’re gonna have to get up”. Any other day, you would’ve protested against getting out of bed so quickly, but you wanted to see Bucky, to truly know he was okay. You stretched out, feeling your back pop. Nat grabbed your hands, pulling you off the bed, before wrapping her arms around you, giving you a long and loving kiss. You both pulled away smiling, as she kept her arms wrapped around you, walking you to the elevator and down to the kitchen. You leaned your head on her shoulder, letting her guide you to the dining room table. “Hey, hey, look who’s awake. How’d you sleep sweetheart?”, Bucky’s voice called out, as he turned his head around to look at you. “I slept alright, better than I thought I would”. “Good, I was hoping you’d sleep okay after yesterday”, he turned back to the stove, where he was currently flipping pancakes.

Natasha guided you to a chair, before going to help Bucky plate everything, grabbing drinks and utensils. Bucky placed your plate down, the smell making your stomach grumble terribly loud. “Thank you, I didn’t realize how hungry I was”, you let out a soft chuckle, both of your lovers smiling at you as they sat down with their own plates. “No problem, pretty baby. Told ya’ we were gonna spoil you today”. “And you know we always keep our promises”. You couldn’t help the wide grin that spread across your face, taking a rather large bite of your food, moaning softly at the taste. “Don’t suppose I want to know what happened to Alex”, you stated, hearing Nat ‘tut’ at you almost immediately. “His name is not allowed in this building anymore, unless it’s to talk out your feelings”. Bucky nodded in agreement, reveling in your content features. “But truly, you don’t have to be scared to tell us if things like that happen, okay? We’re here for you, no matter what”, Natasha grabbed your hand, squeezing it slightly, her face shifting to a more serious look. “You don’t have to tell us much either. It’s okay if you aren’t ready to open up. Jus’ let us know what’s wrong, and we’ll make sure to handle it”, Bucky added, his eyes crinkling with a comforting smile, one that you returned. “I know that now. Gosh, I don’t know what I did to deserve you two”, you gushed, looking down bashfully. “You didn’t do anything, you’ve always deserved to be treated right, baby”. “You’d do the exact same thing for us, doll”. They both looked at you, adoration filling their faces, giving you the sweetest heart eyes you’d ever seen. “Of course I would. That’s what you do for the people you love. And I would’ve never learned that if it wasn’t for you two. I love you both so much, more than I could ever express”, your face flushed as your feelings spilled out. “We love you too, more than you’d ever know”, Natasha spoke softly, as they both kissed each of your cheeks, causing your face to flush even more. You couldn’t have felt more loved in this moment. You’d finally learned what it felt like to give love, and to have it returned back to you, just as greatly as you had given it. Even if your past still haunted you on bad days, you’d always have Natasha and Bucky. And they were better than anything you could ever ask for.

~likes and reblogs are, of course, appreciated!

~my inbox is always open, feel free to send in any ideas or asks you may have :)

~masterlist

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kodzuken-chan · 2 years

Text

🧬Regret Veins🧬

Pairing: Sanji X Fem.reader

Genre: Angst/ Horror/ One Piece X Resident Evil Crossover/ AU/ Fluff but not now/

⚠️ Warning: Mention of Blood, Needles, Zombies, Kidnapping, Slight Torture, Killing, and most likely horror stuff and cursing don't worry its nothing more than Shit

( Please Don't read if you can't stand this kind of horror)

A/N: Okay so, the worlds might get mixed just to fit the plot, and this Crossover scenario might be Long, so I'll write it probably in a Chapter or two, and I haven't wrote anything in a while so I think this sucks, kinda...💀 But please enjoy it~!!

-Word count: 3,287

-Reader's Age in this Chapter= 19 y.o

- I made the GIF Myself Proud

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Summary: "Umbrella" the name that you always prayed to not encounter for the rest of your life due to what happened to you in the past....

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|Chapter One|

Prologue

The Umbrella Corporation is the major pharmaceutical company that "nine out of ten homes" contained products made by the corporation. But now its not more than an omnipresent corporation reputed for its evil and ruthless nature, sacrificing anyone and anything in their quest to achieve perfection with the t-virus formerly-headed by a man named Albert Wesker.

{Flashback - 2 Years ago}

Ever since you graduated High school, you decided to move and live all by yourself independently. Living your ordinary life as a 2nd year student at your university, you finished your last class early that afternoon and you couldn't be much happier, you're finally gonna have some rest, since its the weekend tomorrow.

Excited about what you're gonna order for Dinner, you walked back home through your usual pathway, "Hmmm...the neighborhood seems clamer than usual, was it because its already the weekend?" You thought to yourself. It was just few seconds before everything infront of your eyesight went black, With a sudden pain followed by a burn that spreaded at the back of your head leaving you there unconscious.

You woke up to the feeling of the cold hard tiles beneath you, trying hardly to recognize your surroundings through that dim light, figuring out that you're locked up inside a cage. At that moment you only wished that what you have just seen was a long nightmare that you hope soon to wake up from. However, that never happened.

A sudden pain rushed up from your head to toes, " What the hell have they attached to me?", You stated, shocked at the view of different wires and medical IV's connected to your body. Fear ran sent a shiver to the end of your spine causing you to pull out these wires out harshly, making you shriek in pain.

It wasn't few minutes when three men stood infront of your cage, the ones on left and right seemed like guards fully dressed in black with a red umberlla logo on it, while the man who stood in the middle seemed like a scientist, a freak one to be specific, you acknowledged that the moment you saw his psychopath smile as he examined you.

"Never expected you to wake up so fast but, its good that you are, I can start my work earlier then" the scientist said, proud of himself as if your rouse was one of his achievements. You couldn't help but glare at him with grudge, knowing for sure that he was about to make your life like a hell.

He smiled at your glare, as if it was some sort of pleasure to him as he turned around walking ahead when he motioned to the guards, "bring her to my Lab". At first, you resisted their grip, you wanted to run away, you didn't want to show anyone of them that you're scared but you couldn't help but do so. You Looked at the freak scientist who was walking few steps ahead as you kept on resisting the guards. It was just the last thing you remembered before they knocked you out.

Your eyelids slowly opened, only to be exposed to the intense flash of light settled above you, trying to move your limbs left and right, but it was useless. Taking a closer look at them, you realized that you were tied to a metal laboratory bed. "You sure wake up so fast though you really got knocked intensively, interesting" the scientist exclaimed sarcastically. You glared at him again, wanting to talk back, however, the fear was the only obstacle to stop you. "Oh I'm so sorry for not introducing myself properly, I'm Dr. Alexander Isaacs, from now on you'll be under my care, hope we get along well" he scoffed enjoying your feared reaction.

"What is this place, and what do you want from me?!" You gathered your courage asking

"Oh this a place I'm sure you heard of, its the Umbrella Cooperations, a pharmaceutical comapny, and you're here because you've been chosen as a reliable candidate, you should be happy" he stated.

"So, as a pharmaceutical company, you kidnap people, tie them in laboratory beds and force them to test your failed medicines?" You scoffed.

"Close enough but no, you're more special to be tested by normal medicine, but don't worry, you're gonna test one of my amazing achievements and with it, you and I are going to change this world" he proudly said.

He walked to his desk, grabbing a needle filled with a blue liquid, and approaching you back, he smiled evily as he flickered the needle few times, excited to see that suspected liquid to do it's work on you. "Now, I want you to relax, it won't hurt I promise" he mocked as he brought the needle closer to your veins. You tried to resist, but those cuffs around your wrists, abdomen and legs were stopping you from doing so. " NO.. NOO ....STOP !!" You screamed, not wanting to get injected by this needle, it wasn't because you're afraid of needles, however, what was inside the needle terrified you the most.

Suddenly, The Laboratory's door blasted out, flying straight towards Dr.Issacs direction sending him to the other side of the room and leaving him unconscious. " Dang it, that was close, good thing I made it on time" said the man who seems to be the reason for why the door got blasted. You turned your head left looking at the man that has a familiar voice, eyes widening, you called his name in a whisper, " Leon..." as the tears started to blurry your vision. "Y/N?!! Damnit!! girl what are doing- no, how did you even end up here out of nowhere??", He said shockingly.

Leon Scott Kennedy, or lets just call him Leon Kennedy, a 21 years old man and a rookie police officer who you randomly met on your island few months ago. You can say he saved you from a bunch of delinquents one night as you walked back from your part-time job and surprisingly you got along very well becoming best friends. Nevertheless both of you kept in contact even when he got transferred to Raccoon City Island as a rookie in the Raccoon Police Department aka RPD.

He quickly approched your figure that was tied in the laboratory bed uncuffing you as he looked around making sure there is no one who could interrupt. "Are you okay? Although you don't seem so, but-" he asked noticing all the injuries and bruises that were left on your body because of the Umbrella guards. "Thank you so much Leon, I...I" you gratefully said, " No, No need to thank me, its my job plus We-" he continued but got interrupted by the destruction sound, " Shit...Y/N Look it me", he said as he cupped your cheeks, " We have to get out of here right now, because the more we'll be late, the dangerous it will be for us".

So many questions circled in your head, but you knew that you can ask him later, because you trust him and know that he'll explain it to you either you asked or not, he can read your mind like a book. He Grabbed your hand and started running towards the exit with the gun in his other hand, shooting all what stops you, until you both made it outside the cooperation.

As you both ran outside in the streets hand in hand, you looked around, not recognizing the ruined cit, and yet there were so many people walking around, but they looked somehow weird? curiousity ate you up, and you couldn't help but ask Leon about it, before you could do so, something behind you aggressively grabbed your wrist, pulling you closer to it. Turing around you shivered at the sight of a man, who looked pale, full of wrinkles, blood dripping out of his mouth and covering his ripped clothes trying violently to have a taste of your flesh.

You screamed in fear, which turned Leon's attention immediately to you. however, without hesitation he shot the weird man in the middle of his head twice, making him fall on the ground right Infront of both of you. Your legs didn't help but give up at the sight, making you sit on the ground shaking from the all what happened right now. " Hey Hey! Are you okay?!" He asked concern filling his expressions, " Leon...Where the hell are we, and...Why these people are like that...?" You managed to ask.

"I promise, I'll explain everything to you later, but I can tell you two things right now, ,first, we are in the Raccoon City Island and these things are called the Undead, or basically Zombies", he briefly explained. " Undead? ...Z-Zombies?" You titled your head in Confusion,, " Yes, now give me your hand, I'll take you to the subway station where some of my friends and few survivers are, You'll be safe, I Promise" he reassured.

Leon braced you to stand up again, grabbed your hand and started running to the Subway he mentioned. After killing few more zombies ,You finally reached the awaiting location, Leon let go of your hand, and pointed to that huge rolling steel Gate that had a huge sign of 'HERE' on it. "You need to go straight to the door" Leon told you, "But what about you? aren't you coming with me?" You worriedly asked, He came closer and gave you a warm hug, "Don't worry about me and just go, I'll be back, I just need to turn on the Main train's power so we can get out of here with the rest of the survivors, Just wait for me there okay?" He said and you nodded.

After he made sure that you're right next to the huge rolling gate, he walked away looking for the main power station. You opened the gate and tried to go in, it was kinda stuck, so you had to crouch to get in, once you're about to close it, another undead showed up, pulling you from your leg. You resisted its grip, yelling for help, only to hear few bullets sounds.

The undead was no longer moving, and yet another young man who was wearing some sort of military clothes extended his hand to help you get up, as you did so, you thanked him and stood there trying to collect your composure, "Glad you made it here, you'll be safe now, I'm Carlos Oliveira, you can call me Carlos", he said with a genuine smile on his face, "I'm Y/N L/N, you can call me Y/N".

Carlos told you to follow him, and the two of you walked in complete silence until he broke it, "So were there any other survivors with you" he asked, "I'm not sure, I came here with my friend, a guy called Leon, he said some of his friends and survivors will be here and told me to wait for him", you explained, " Ah Leon, that's good then, so he's going to be the last one to get on board, Roger that". As you kept on following Carlos, you noticed that his outfit had the same Umbrella Cooperations logo on it as the guards back then, and that made you stop on your tracks.

"Hmm? Y/N is there something wrong?" He asked , " Y-You are one of them..." You said terrifyingly as you pointed on the logo, " Oh that...no no Y/N don't get me wrong, I used to work for them, they abandoned us here, so yeah, I'm not working for them anymore, even if they didn't abandon us, I would have left this place after knowing what they have done". His words where like a puzzle to your ears, what was he talking about, patiently, you continued on following Carlos until you reached the subway's platform.

There stood 3 people, A women in a short raven hair who was fully armed with guns, another women who seemed to be in your age with a reddish brown hair color, and a man with similar features stood right next to her. "Hey I'm back, Leon got us a survivor, and she seems to be a friend of his" informed Carlos to the three.

The women with the reddish brown hair immediately approached you, looking concerned at your figure, " Are you okay? You're filled with injuries and bruises, You must feel cold with this light clothing and those bare foots", she said as she seated you next to the Raven haired women, " I'm fine... Thank you", you nervously answered, " I'm Claire Redfield, and that man over there is my older brother, his name is Chris" she continued. "And I'm Jill Valentine, nice to meet you" added the raven haired women.

You relaxed at their introduction, they don't seem like bad people, and Leon knows them, so you should trust them, plus they would be the only ones to know the way out of this hell, and you needed Leon to answer your questions, so you have to handle it a little longer. "And I'm Y/N...nice to meet you too" you introduced. " I know its rude to ask such question at this time, but why are you wearing these medical clothes?" Asked Chris as Carlos brought the first aid kit to treat your wounds. " Oh this....these people from Umbrella...they kidnapped me on my island and brought me here, I don't remember nor know much because I haven't been here for so long, and they knocked me out whenever i tried to resist..." You explained, " So that's why you got scared of me when you saw my clothes" realized Carlos and you nodded.

Suddenly, the power came back in the train and it seems that Leon made it to the Main power station. " Great Job Leon!" Exclaimed Claire, "Now, I'll get this thing started" stated Jill as she headed to the control board in the front trailer. Everyone of them started getting ready to departure, however Leon wasn't there yet, and you grew anxious, what takes him so long, what if something happened to him while he was running back. " Wait..." you said as You stood in your place, " Whats wrong Y/N?" Asked Carlos, "Leon isn't back Yet, I'll go Look for him" you decided despite your fear. "No Y/N you can't-" said Carlos

"No princess, Leon won't forgive himself if something happened to you out there" Said Leon tapping on your shoulder as he stood behind you. " LEON! My god you're back" you hugged him. He was your best friend, no he was more like a brother to you, and you knew that you won't stand it if something bad happened to him. " Alright, now that everyone is here, Jill you can get going Leon is here!" Infromed Claire to Jill and the train started moving with the six of you in the front trailer and the rest of the survivors in the following trailers.

The first 5 minutes went so quietly that you almost admit that you heared your heart beats, you moved your gaze to Leon which clearly lasted for few minutes straight, and of course, he immediately noticed that giving you a goofy smile despite the tension of the situation you all were in. "C'mon, let it all out" he said as he jokingly ruffled your hair, its then when you fixed your sitting posture facing him.

"First of all, What's all of this ?"

"Well, I have no idea what's happening here either, but we can call it a zombie outbreak i guess?"

"I see, then what the hell does Umbrella do and what do they want from me?!"

"Depending on what I heard, Umbrella is definitely behind this outbreak, they're trying to experiment one of the viruses they're developing called the T-virus. And Assuming from these medical clothes you're wearing, they were keeping you as an experimental figure"

"W-What...so you mean that..the undead outside...were injected by the T-virus?"

" I don't think all of them were injected, but more likely that they got infected. When I was looking for the main power station, I came across a survivor, but he was already bitten by the undead, and soon that survivor started running behind me like the other undeads, guess it spreads in that way"

You froze at what Leon was saying, this is scary, but what scared you the most is when you realized that the freak scientist could have injected you with this T-virus or something. Suddenly you remembered the moment when he almost injected you with the needle, the one that had a blue liquid inside of it. Your skin got pale and your body started trembling, " Hey Y/N... What's wrong? you're trembling " as he placed his hand on yours.

You looked at him with tears on the verge of your eyes, " L-Leon...what if that freak scientist have injected the virus into me, I got knocked out so many times that I can't recall what they did to me there, what should I do?" You cried, only to get hugged by Leon

"Y/N sweetie, its alright, you're not infected I can guarantee that to you, if he really did inject you with the T-virus, you could have turned into a zombie by now"

he parted the hug and stroked your hair " You're going to be okay, I promise".

However, things didn't go so well after that peaceful conversation, One of back train trailers suddenly exploded making the whole train lose its balance getting out of the railroad. Unfortunately, this led the front trailer to get crahsed making the six of you lose conscious. Your eyes flattered opened, you vision was still blurry and your head felt dizzy , but you could feel that you're body was in the middle of the air, was someone carrying you?

Recalling the crash that happened earlier, you immediately snapped out to see if everyone were okay, and little you knew that you were the only one who was unconscious until now, " Oh, you're finally up, you got deeply injured in your leg because of the crash earlier" said Leon as he carried you in a bridal style, " Omg Leon I'm so sorry, its okay to let me down, I can run, you're already injured in your shoulder and -" you were cutted by him shushing you, "its fine, you're not heavy, and you're leg injury is too deep, I don't think you'll be able to walk with it, so just relax and let me carry you" he smiled.

Few moments later, after making sure that everyone were okay, you realized that there were no other people except for the six of you, and you wondered, what was the actual cause of the crash, " Mmm, what was the cause of the crahs earlier? Did the undead attack us? and where are the rest of the survivors?" You asked, this time Leon stayed silent and it was now Carlos's time to speak.

"The cause of the crash earlier was an explosion and all of these survivors were dead by the time we woke up"

"E-Explosion?! What do you mean?!"

"It was just as I heared back then from my team... they're trying to blow this city by 6am"

"B-Blow?..."

"They're gonna erase the Raccoon city Island from the map by blowing every single thing, the undead, probably survivors if there were any left, buildings and of course the evidence of this outbreak"

"And what are we going to do now, how are we going to get out of here?! We don't have much time left"

"Gladly, I know that there is a helicopter by left by Umbrella somewhere around here, We're gonna take it and fly out of here"

And So you all found the helicopter and were able to escape Raccoon City island as you watched the huge explosion destructing every single thing in the city, it was mentioned later in the news that the number of Raccoon city's survivors = 0. Umberlla thought that they got rid of everything, but little did they know that the Six survivors will take them down someday.

{End of Flashback}

To be Continued >>>

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unprofessional-bard · 3 years

Text

Chapter 13 - The Climax

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC

Warnings: angst and smut – jealous/angry sex, joel getting the ride of his life?

Summary: "Are you accusing me of something?" // "Should I?"

Word Count: 5.868

Author's Note: I suck at tagging so bad I keep forgetting 😭 I'm sorry people if you wanna get removed I understand djsnjdndjd (or if you wanna get tagged lmk!) + please check out the previous chapter if y'all haven't it flopped 💔

Enjoy!

gif credits: gwynbleidd

"Good morning," You walked into the kitchen quietly, the presence of Ellie putting a smile to your face. She hadn't been stopping by as often as she used to – it didn't take you too long to figure out something was wrong.

"Hey Dolly," She smiled back where she sat, a tense expression on her face.

"Mornin'," Joel smiled briefly from where he was cooking scrambled eggs. "D'you sleep well?"

After the bath, you two were quick to move to the bed. Joel had immediately turned you to your side and wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his face into the crook of your neck and peppering small kisses along your soft spots and shoulder. After what had happened a few hours prior, you neither wanted to leave his arms nor stop feeling his warm lips on your skin. That encounter was too close and it had you winded– trembling softly in his arms. The both of you were too worn out to make love, to feel one another and make sure you were still there.

"Yeah," You walked over to where you normally put your coffee, only to remember you didn't have any left. "Ah, dammit."

"Those traders haven't passed by in so long, hope they're doin' okay," Joel commented as you silently agreed and dragged your feet to where Ellie was.

"How're you holdin' up? Heard you got some action last night," Ellie eyed you curiously as you sat down across her.

"A bit shaken, but I've been worse," You replied as you rubbed your eyes sleepily. After briefly telling Ellie about the details from last night, Joel served you and himself scrambled eggs: "You're not eating?"

"I had some breakfast at Jesse's," She shrugged and got up, offering Joel her seat silently. "Anyways, I gotta run. Just wanted to check up on you."

"Thanks, Els," You beamed at her. Then, there were a couple knocks at the front door.

You tried to get up, but Joel was quicker: "I got it, don't tire yourself."

Tsk, you rolled your eyes with a small smirk: "It's not like I haven't broken my ribs before."

————

"Just rest up for me," Joel replied and opened the door to an unpleasant sight.

"Hey Joel," It was Kiki. She had a bag hanging from her arm, and she was also wearing a pink and white floral dress that went down to her knees and covered her shoulders. She also had a big floppy hat that covered most of her face. Without waiting for him to react, she began talking: "I just wanted to say thank you– for last night. To (Y/N), too, but I imagine she's resting. Here..."

She proceeded to pull out a jar of coffee beans from the bag: "I had this for awhile but couldn't adjust to the taste, so I figured I should give 'em to someone who lives off'a these..."

Joel carefully studied the jar in his hand after taking it from her: "Well, uh. That's very kind of you."

"Don't mention it," Her smile spread innocently. "As I said, take this as a thank you for saving Ward's life. I know you like your coffee."

Joel gave her an odd look: "I didn't save his life. (Y/N) did. You should be thanking her."

"That's what I said! She must be resting, so tell her I gave this would you?" And with that, plus an enthusiastic wave of her hand, she said Bye! and skipped down the porch and left, leaving Joel dumbfounded.

————

"Who is that?" You asked Ellie when you couldn't hear what was going on.

"I can't tell," She said nervously, which let you know she was lying.

You wanted to reply, or to get up to make your point, but you just kept quiet and stared at the side of her face for a while instead. She kept looking around and at her feet, anywhere but your face, the muffled conversation dying out in the background for you: "What's bothering you sweetheart?"

That came to the teen as a shock, which made her look at you: "Nothing. I just– I have a lot on my mind."

"Okay, you know I'm always here if you ever wanna talk," You immediately decided not to press her and leave it at that.

"Yup," She gave a brief nod and started playing with her fingers – the nervous Ellie gesture.

You really worried for her, stuck between changing the subject or asking once more, hoping she'd tell you what wad wrong; ultimately you decided to change the subject: "How's Jesse? Haven't seen him around in awhile."

"He's fine." A brief answer, which didn't make her stop playing with her fingers. She still wasn't looking at you.

"Ellie..." You spoke softly but also with a little seriousness to draw her attention, and you did. You gave her a stern but worried look: "Talk to me?"

She turned to you as she chewed on her bottom lip, eyes wide. Just when she opened her mouth, you heard the door close. Joel walked in with a jar in hand, a displeased look spread across his face. Ellie took the interruption as her chance to leave: "Well, I'll see you later."

You nodded, Joel murmuring his own goodbye at her. He put the jar on the counter island– it was coffee, but he didn't seem happy: "Today is our lucky day, huh?"

Your attempt at making him say what was bothering him (without directly asking so he'd open up a little more easily) wasn't entirely fruitless. He placed his hands on the counter, leaned forward silently with a leg in front of the other.

"Kiki gave this as thanks for saving Ward. I'm guessin' you'll skip coffee?" He sounded more harsh than he intended to, but even though you had gotten used to it, it still stung. You didn't reply, instead turned and started eating your eggs with a sour expression. Joel stood like that for awhile, staring at you, then pushed himself off: "Yeah, I'm skipping too."

This made you stop chewing and give him a look that said what did you just say? He ignored it and sat across you, grabbing his fork to start nibbling at his food. This time it was you who stared: "What are you doing?"

"Having breakfast with my wife?"

"Joel." You spoke sternly, warning him. "You haven't had coffee in days, go drink some."

"I don't want to drink that coffee."

You slowly got up: "Don't be like that, I know you want to. I'll make some if–"

"No, (Y/N), I don't want to drink that coffee." He insisted a little harshly.

"What's wrong with you?" You replied coolly, giving him a confused and slightly angry glare where you stood.

"That's how you sound like when you don't want to get involved with Kiki." He spoke calmly, going back to his normal self.

You stared at him, the stern look making the lines of your face deeper and your features sharper. He had a point, several, even; and you felt embarrassed like a 5 year-old.

"Now I'm going to drink that coffee and enjoy it like I usually do, not because it's from Kiki but because it's coffee." He got up and took slow steps towards you, he also had a stern look on his face. "After last night, I'm thankful for Ward, but that didn't make me like 'im more. Same for Kiki. You may not like them– I don't like 'em, but they're of Jackson now. We gotta find a way to get along when it's necessary."

I don't like 'em.

Something had to have happened for him to say that, because Joel wasn't a person to openly dislike people unless he had a solid reason. Not anymore.

You remained silent as he brushed past you, grabbed the jar and began making his coffee. He was right, and the expression on your face was more than enough to let him know that you knew that.

You didn't talk to each other until you left for patrol. Brief goodbye's were exchanged as you made your way to the eastern gate. Maria changed you and Ward with Astrid and Cedric's watchtower shift: she had offered to put you both off schedule, but you said you could handle lighter duty.

What you liked about Ward was that he didn't talk too much. At first, it was worse– too quiet that you worried if it was because of you. He started opening up bit by bit, feeling more comfortable each week. It was casual conversation between you both now, but still he was mostly quiet which you appreciated.

After talking briefly about last night, thanking each other a few rounds, you spent the patrol thinking about everything: Ellie, Joel, Kiki...

Before you knew it, the sun was gone. A gorgeous mix of dark purple, orange and everything in between coloured the sky and reflected down onto the streets. Tonight was an adults only event Maria had been arranging for the past few weeks, and you weren't planning on going– neither was Joel, which made you feel slightly bad about what you were about to do next.

After handing your rifles to the usual keeper, Paul, you walked with Ward and once you neared the split on the road, you grabbed his shoulder briefly: "Let me get you a drink."

Ward, with bewildered eyes, blinked: "What?"

"Come on– look," You put your hands on your hips awkwardly. "I feel like I've been a complete dick towards you, so I just want to make up for that and find a way to, y'know, get along better." Ward looked around, still shocked, then back at you after a moment but remained quiet. You tried one last time: "You know Maria's got that event going on, but if you don't want to, I can't make you, I'll be out of your hair–"

"No," He blurted out. "I'd– I'd like that. I... I haven't exactly been the nicest either, so. You're right, let's go."

"Alright," You offered a small smile and started walking towards the bar.

The bar was more spacious than the Tipsy Bison, with two wide counters across each other and more tables where twice as many people can be fit inside. The wooden walls and the Wyoming-esque interior with a hint of Texas created a cozy atmosphere. It was one of those days when Tommy was available and serving the drinks personally, which added to the place's aesthetic.

What you didn't expect to see when you set foot inside however, was Joel's back to you at the counter to the right, with a woman sitting in front of him. Scanning the room you were going to walk into was second nature to you, so the sight was quick to stun you in place.

A couple of people greeted you as they passed by, and you waved back while trying to make out who was sitting across him... but you already knew.

"Hey, (Y/N)!" Eugene put a hand on your shoulder. "Hey, Ward. How y'all doin'? Come on, let me get you both a drink..."

There was rush in his movements as he walked you to the counter to the left by your arm, claiming your attention for a brief moment as your mind raced.

Kiki was sat across Joel, and their body language was more than enough to erupt jealousy and anger from deep within you, your breath hitching. Eugene pressed down on your shoulders to sit you on the stool as he whispered: "Relax."

He pushed a glass of what you assumed to be whisky in front of you across the wooden counter and you immediately downed it at one go, the liquid burning down your throat and fueling the fire beginning to light alive inside you.

Ward, noticing the change in your behaviour, eyed the people around you but also met the same fate as you: The sight of his wife with your husband immediately sending jolts of rage through his veins.

Tommy approached the three of you then, with his usual grin: "Dolly, Ward, what a nice surprise."

"Yeah," Keeping a calm posture, you offered a fake smile, while Ward was obviously fuming.

Your in-law's confused, blue eyes shifted towards where Joel and Kiki were for a second. He sighed in a defeated manner, pinching the bridge of his nose, clearly unaware of his brother's presence in the crowded space. He leaned in so Ward didn't hear: "Is that what you two've come to? Makin' the other jealous?"

"What? No!" You hissed. "Wait, why did you say that?" Tommy suddenly looked like he realised he made a mistake, exhaling deeply. You bit the inside of your bottom lip and nodded ironically. Seems there was still a long way to go to make Joel open up to you a bit more easily.

————

Joel walked into the bar in hopes of finding his younger brother, trying not to attract too much attention to himself as he made his way to the counter on the right.

"Hey Joel," Mike was behind the bar serving drinks. "Surprised to see you here. Where's (Y/N)?"

"Hey," He tilted his head at the slightly younger man. "She's at the walls. I'm just lookin' for Tommy, heard he was here."

"Oh, he just left, but he'll be back in a few. Why don't you sit, let me fix you something?"

"Eh, fine," Joel debated for a brief moment but ultimately placed himself on the empty stool he was leaning over. Mike pushed a glass of whiskey in front of him and they chatted briefly, before a hand gently wrapped itself around his arm. A small hand which made him tense up.

"Hey, Joel– Mike," Kiki greeted the men with a smirk. She looked a lot more different than she did that morning: She was wearing low-waist jeans which hugged her frame tightly, on top of that she was wearing a light gray, deep V neck t-shirt – In the morning, she looked like she was on her way to church, now she looked like a woman who worked for a fashion magazine.

Don't get him wrong, Joel didn't find her attractive– or anyone for that matter ever since he had laid eyes on you years ago in that house with water. He just took your and Eugene's words into consideration then, and prepared himself accordingly.

"Hey," Mike greeted the woman louder than Joel did. She proceeded to make herself comfortable on the stool to the left of Joel.

"What're you fellas up to?" There was something different about her face, on her eyes... had she made her own eyeshadow?

She and Mike chatted briefly while he fixed up a drink for her, then left the two by themselves when more townsfolk came in. Joel was deep in thought and uncomfortable– where the hell is Tommy?

"So," Kiki gave her best charming smile as she leaned her arm on the counter with a relaxed posture. "How'd you like the coffee?"

Joel felt a characteristic urge to be left alone: her body language and tone was more than enough to prove you right. Dolly was right: "I didn't drink it, we already had coffee."

"Oh," The disappointment was unfortunately not enough to make her back off. "You know what occurred to me later on? I should'a kept the coffee and invited you over for some–"

"Kiki," Joel faked a smile and turned his body towards her on his seat. "I said I 'preciate the coffee... I know what you're doing."

"Oh? What am I doing, Joel?"

There it was– the attempt at being seductive. Joel couldn't even begin to try to imagine how things would've played out if you weren't in the picture, and with her advances, the eldest Miller felt his blood beginning to boil with protective, cool anger: "You know exactly what, and it ain't workin'. Never did."

"Not even a little?" She made those stupid doe eyes at him that she's been making.

Joel, despite the anger in his tone, kept his bitter smile and relaxed posture to not attract any attention on them: "I am a married man. Happily at that, and I have no intentions of breaking that bond over the likes o' you."

His words seemed to have stung her, and he actually saw her grow a little pale. Good. He felt his pissy behaviour settle in, the one he tried to suppress after settling in Jackson– his life wasn't as cruel as it was back in Boston, so he had to be kinder and a little less brutally honest about what he had in mind.

"Likes of me, huh?" She kept her composure, her eyes now cold as ice.

"Yeah, seem to forget you're married yourself. Makes a feller worry..." A cruel, bitter grin on Joel's face made Kiki appear like a hissing cat. "You're makin' my wife uneasy– you're makin' me uneasy, so I'll give you a warning: Keep ya distance. Next time I won't be as polite."

Just then, Mike appeared with a new glass of whisky for Joel. The ex-smuggler thanks him with a straight face and downs his drink at one go, the booze beginning to make him tipsy and bolder by the minute.

"I'm making her uneasy?" Kiki suddenly replied with confidence, shooting a pointed look across the bar. Joel turned his head to find you and your hand on Ward's shoulder, his heart dropping to his stomach. "See, Joel," He turned his head back to face her. "I wouldn't exactly do you like tha–"

Without a warning, a hand he immediately recognised grabbed his jaw, twisted his head to the left, and his lips were suddenly occupied by the unmistakable pair of yours.

You went as far as to indicate that you were about to shove your tongue down his throat, something warmer than the skin of your hand burning into the skin of his jaw as you took his breath away with your kiss.

"I'm going home." You stated simply, looking into his eyes with an expression which sent a shiver down Joel's spine, then giving an even worse look at Kiki. You were pissed.

He watched, completely forgetting about Kiki and everyone else's presence as you stormed off to the exit. By the time he snapped out of his shock, Tommy had walked up to him, whispering: "You're in deep."

Joel gave his brother a confused look, immediately got up, while Tommy glanced at Kiki with his brows knitted: "Some'n funny?"

Joel looked back to find the woman in question smirking in a satisfied manner. The older Miller felt his fists ball up into fists, but he made the right choice of going after you instead of making a scene.

————

"I found what you were askin' for, by the way." Tommy suddenly changed the subject. "When I went out the other day."

Your face was quick to soften at his words: "What?"

Tommy proceeded to pull out a small, black box from his jacket pocket. He opened it to reveal two wedding rings in perfect condition. He had asked you a few weeks ago about whether you two were gonna put a ring on the other, that he had seen a jewelry store some miles outside of Jackson and that he could look around for a pair of whatever he could find.

"I don't mind, honestly, but that would make Joel really happy... and that makes me real happy." You had smiled.

"Ever the romantic, my brother. A'right, I'll keep an eye out next time I go."

You took one out of the box carefully, your eyes going a little shiny and soft as Tommy added: "Came back from there a few hours ago, found these rings but they may not match your size, they're a li'l big."

"Tommy," You gave him a soft, quite gasp as you studied the ring between your tumb and index finger. "Thank you, I–"

"Of course," He smiled sincerely and placed the box in front of you carefully.

You held the ring in your hand for awhile, brows slowly drawing back together as you felt tenderness turn into hurt, and hurt turn into anger. You were not going to let another woman get her hands anywhere near Joel, and you were determined. It was now or never, the consequences be damned.

You glanced at Ward to see him still fuming, nothing like how he was this morning. You put a hand on his shoulder: "I'll handle this."

"Don't make a scene!" Eugene hissed as you jumped down the stool, put the ring on as best as it fit, and started stomping your way towards Joel.

Once you reached home, you were breathing heavily through your nose. Hands on your hips, you whispered to yourself: "What the hell am I doing?"

Unsure of what to do, standing across the windows, the sofa and bookshelf to your left in the living room, you suddenly heard the door open and slam back shut: "What was that?"

You turned around with a half angry, half something else Joel couldn't quite put his finger on expression spread on your face. He was quick to walk into the living room as he spoke, keeping a healthy distance from you while crossing his arms.

"Go ahead," Joel challenged as you eyed him even angrier. "You did that for a reason, you're pissed. Wanna tell me why?"

"I was making a point," You shrugged.

"Yeah, you made a point alright," Joel nodded. "Gave her the satisfaction of knowing that she's poisoned us."

"Poisoned?" You raised your brows, mocking.

"Don't you start," Joel warned. "You know damn well what she's been doin' and has done so far."

"You're angry at me 'cause I was right all along?" You made a face, tone harsh and matching his, arms spread.

"I ain't angry!" He groaned, proving himself wrong. "Just 'cause you were right and I took some time seein' that don't mean you get to piss me off with your new drinkin' buddy." He spoke loudly, clearly and with that look he used to have more often before Jackson.

This time your eyebrows rose with a what did you just say to me? and an oh is that so? air to them, the look in your eyes saying it all. You remained silent, hands settling on your hips slowly, as you gave him some time to realise the words he's said.

"And just what were you doing with your little drinkin' buddy?" You mimicked his accent in the last two words.

"This ain't about–"

"Like shit it isn't," You huffed sharply. "You told me to get along, since I'm the one who's poisoned–"

"Do not twist my words, (Y/N)," Joel warned, he took a small step towards you.

"Only when you stop misplacing excuses," You gave him a bitter, not at all sincere smile, then turned around to face the windows again.

"(Y/N)." He said and took another step forward, while you stood your ground. They weren't threatening, they were instinctive, almost childishly curious like a little boy wanting to stick a branch into the hornet's nest.

"What? What do you want me to say?" You sighed, exasperated. "You want me to apologise for telling a woman who's hitting on my husband to fuck off? 'Cause I won't."

"I don't!" He groaned. "I was telling her to back off before you pulled your little stunt!"

"What?" Your voice was quick to go back to normal.

"She was hittin' on me, y'know what I did? Gave her a damn warning." He leaned in a little, keeping himself at arms length. "Then she makes me look over, what do I see? My wife with the bastard who probably wants her all to himself since his own wife won't look him in the eye."

You were a little stunned, the series of emotions coursing through your body pinning you in place. Then, the jealous and bitter side came on top.

"Are you accusing me of something, Joel?"

"Should I?"

"Oh fuck you," You spat before you thought.

You pushed him, not with too much force but just enough to make your frustration clear, making him fall onto the couch. You went to take off your pants as he tried to wrap his head around what was going on, but then you remembered the ring on your finger and the other in your pocket. You pulled it out and threw the box into his lap: "Guess you don't want this."

He quickly opened the box to find a gold wedding ring, then his eyes went to your hand to find the same one on your finger, which was now closed into a fist. Guilt washed over his face, but before he could react, you started taking your pants off: "We're not getting anywhere with this pointless banter."

You didn't give him a chance to reply and quickly straddled his hips, making him groan when you grinded on his cock. You then proceeded to undo his belt as his hands grabbed at your thighs, but you growled: "No touching."

"What–?"

"If you touch me, Joel," You looked straight into his eyes with a terrifying glare. "I'll leave."

His hands dropped too quickly to the sides of his legs, his cock hardening at your change of behaviour. His anger now accompanied confusion as the tip of your noses brushed while you looked down and got rid of his belt, throwing it somewhere behind you with a loud clink.

He wanted to speak, but the logical part of him knew that you both were in it too deep to resolve matters simply by talking. You were angry, he was angry and now you both shared a possessiveness with it, which made both of your bloods boil with a new sense of anger.

Christ, he thought. Fuckin' rings... It was the moment Joel knew he'd choke on his guilt for awhile, but also knew that things were probably going to be better between you two.

You unzipped his pants, and grabbed him through his briefs, making him choke back a moan. He threw his head back and made to speak, but you firmly grabbed his jaw in your hand, hushing him: "Yes, I am jealous, there you have it."

You spoke with so much irritation, Joel didn't dare tease to ease the tension. This had never occurred between you two, so instead of trying to interfere, he let you have your way almost instinctively: "I'm gonna make it your problem, since I can't make it hers."

Joel's anger dissipated a bit at your words, went as far as to bring the edges of his lips upwards, but never got the chance to actually do something when you suddenly pulled him out of his restraints, pumped him several times and sunk down on his length after moving your panties to the side. Loud groans left both of your lips simultaneously, Joel throwing his head back when you grabbed his shoulder with one hand and the side of his abdomen with the other, bunching his t-shirt in your palms.

You started riding him, rocking your hips back and forth with an urgency and roughness Joel had neither felt nor seen before, and he was having an incredibly hard time keeping his hands to himself. Once he let a groan slip at the way your walls hugged his cock greedily, Joel couldn't stop himself from groaning and moaning some more.

You on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with romance or love-making. This was fucking — wild, ruthless and animalistic, a primal side to both of you unleashed because some woman hit on Joel. Plus, his moans didn't help your case, it truly was the most wonderful sound in the world.

He didn't dare admit it, fearing that you might stop by some chance –even for a second– but he enjoyed every single second of you fucking him. A pleasure that could've been explored with less fury, probably; but the said fury just made Joel harder, if that was even possible.

You grunted when you repositioned yourself on his lap and started slamming down on his length, grabbing onto his chest and shoulders just the way he liked it.

"(Y/N)," Joel reached out for your waist, hips– anywhere that was you, but you grabbed his wrists and pinned them against the sofa: "Fuck–"

You moaned at the way he looked, which was absolutely wrecked. You started grinding your hips faster, fucking him into the couch. His cock poked deliciously through you each time you rocked down, which made your eyes roll to the back of your head. You then put your arms around his neck for support, the wet sounds making the both of you feverish.

"You're killing me, (Y/N), please–" He pleaded. You both knew that he could've easily gotten what he wanted, but the way he was willingly doing what you told him– the way he didn't want you to leave didn't escape you, the grip of your pussy driving him absolutely wild.

"What?" You moaned and proceeded to take off your shirt along with your bra. Not slowing down and leaning forward, Joel felt himself go weak at the sight of your breasts and hardened nipples, feeling his patience shatter.

"Let me touch you–" He spoke so quickly that you almost missed it. You leaned into the crook of his neck then, breasts brushing against his hairy chest and breath blowing down hot on his ear.

It was then, when you shamelessly moaned into his ear and kissed his neck, the band finally snapped and his hands wrapped around you. One arm went around your waist, while the other went to your back, hand holding you down by your shoulder. You let out a louder moan when he grabbed you like that, then bit the skin over your collarbone and started slamming into you.

"Fuck!" It was your turn into an absolute mess, the way his hips smacked against your ass echoing in the room driving you mad. He kissed the places he bit expertly, and you pushed yourself impossibly closer, wanting more, more, more of him.

"I should make you jealous more often– shit," Joel growled into your hair as he kept fucking up into you.

"Don't you fucking dare," You growled in return, and tugged at his hair, which suddenly made him stop.

He got up slightly, turned you to the side and pushed you down on the couch, then pushed his pants down a little more. He looked into your eyes all the while, then began pistoning his hips again. He held onto your shoulder and waist as he leaned down to kiss you, but a slight tilt of your head you made him go for your neck. This made him pull your legs up higher and wrap them around his waist, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips while you raked your nails down his shoulders, back and ass. He somehow seemed to go deeper and deeper with each thrust, which made the pitch of your voice rise.

"Fuuck," You mewled when he bit your neck, losing your mind over how rough he was fucking you.

"Yeah? This what you wanted doll?" He grunted into the crook of your neck and grabbed your ass with one hand, while the other remained on your shoulder. You didn't answer, already too lost in the pleasure to utter a word, the tension in your body ready to snap. You felt sore, too – you hadn't felt this sore in a long time.

He fucked you until a sudden wave of anger washed over you, which made you push him off onto his back and get on top of him again, throwing the cushions onto the floor to make more space for your bodies.

There were so many things you wanted to say, but you settled for grabbing his wrists and pinning them above his head against the armrest as you, once more, started riding him.

"Shit," He groaned, eyes closed. You felt him struggle in your grasp as you rode him with a fast and brutal pace, moaning or whimpering as you also closed your eyes and focused entirely on how his cock felt like he was going to split you in half.

"I'm gonna– Fuck, (Y/N), I'm gonna cu–"

You let out a loud moan and let go of his wrists: "Come– come inside–"

"What–?" Joel's eyes shot open as he pinned you down by your hips as soon as his wrists were free.

"Fuck, Joel, come inside me," You repeated urgently, which made him jerk his hips up. You threw your head back and groped at your breasts, making Joel sit up.

"You sure?" He wrapped his arms around you tightly and slammed you down while thrusting up. His tone had a different type of possessiveness to it, accent thick and voice deep with lust.

"Yes!" You cried out and craned your neck back, allowing him to suck and bite there.

"Fuck–" He growled against your skin and went to play with your clit, rubbing and drawing circles on it, panting like a wild animal – very much like you. "Say it."

"Joel–" You mewled as you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders and leaned into his ear. "Come inside me, please."

Finally and for the first time, Joel came inside you, letting out a broken moan when your cunt clenched down on him, milking the length of his cock as he emptied his load into your depths.

Three, four and five more thrusts along with delicate but firm strokes on your clit later, you also came undone and hard. Your whole body shattered into pieces above him, making you grab onto the armrest and lean down slowly.

Both of you panted, voices pitched a little. The both of you couldn't stop the small moans even after you began calming down, the sensitivity and stimulation nailing both of you in place. Joel managed to put an arm around your waist and the other around your shoulders, while you rested your head against his chest, his heart beat loud and clear.

"Goddamn," He let out something between a chuckle, huff and a wheeze after a few minutes. When you didn't respond, he tilted his head to see your face, only to find you fast asleep on his body, his cock still inside you.

Your face looked so relaxed and peaceful, Joel didn't dare move for a time, carefully pulling out his cock and hissing quietly when his cum dripped down from your entrance to his shaft. He wanted to keep going, only if you weren't tired...

He carefully got up with you in his arms, felt you wake briefly as he carried you upstairs and laid you down on the bed; after debating a long time about whether he should eat you up where you slept or not, he ultimately decided to clean you up and lay down next to you...

...Unaware of the catastrophic event that was going to take place tomorrow.

————

tagging: @assinteractions @sherry-212 @joelsgeetar @spideysimpossiblegirl @peachymelon69

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railingsofsorrow · 3 years

Text

Disruption of Balance

[Kol Mikaelson × Reader]

[gif it's not mine]

requested by @hellomyweirdos

A/N: so, I didn't write about everything you requested because I still haven't finished the whole show buuut, I hope you like it anyways cause I tried my best! hehe <33

ps: my summaries suck

summary: reader uses dark magic to bring her sister back but not everyone agrees that this is a good decision. that's when an ex lover comes back to town.

pairing: kol mikaelson × witch!reader

word count: 4.3K (i got carried away)

warnings: tw!mentions of death (no main character); descriptions of violence, but nothing too harsh; bittersweet ending.

content: hurt/comfort + lots of angst; dark magic.

Elizabeth is reader's sister's name

➶ ➷

Grief.

An emotion that can be qualified as anything but easy. It is known to have five stages — each of those are hard to go through.

In heavy cases, it's possible to get stuck midway. A limbo. An empty space.

For Y/N, it was the first stage she couldn't get through.

Denial.

“For how long do you think this will work?” Elizabeth asked, pinching her skin due not being able to believe she was back. From the dead.

“As long as I wish it works.” Y/N replies distractedly. Her eyes scammed the city with curiosity and a glint of ambition.

No one.

No vampire. No warewolf. Not even her kind: Witches.

It was only her and her sister, walking around aimlessly on the streets of New Orleans. A certain peace warmed Y/N's chest; living in New Orleans never granted her that feeling. It was either fear or despair. But, now... It was different. Y/N felt powerful and fearless. She ignored the subconscious voice saying that this was exactly what Expression provoked.

It builds you up like euphoria, granting every wish you have longed for so long. However, my darlings, pay attention closely to I'm about to tell you now: Every desire, in Dark Magic, comes with a price. Therefore, if it comes to a time where you have to practice it... Use it wisely.

Her mother's voice ringed in her mind like a curse, but she kept pushing it to the back of her brain. Ignoring. It would be of no use to her right now. Her sister was there, and that's all that mattered.

“I thought you were going to kill Marcel,” Elizabeth comments as they reach their destination. “The anger you felt... I've never seen you like this, Y/N.” She gives her sister a concerned glance. Y/N was the level headed one between the two of them; never did things without thinking twice or based on emotions. When she saw from the Other Side, that her sister confronted Marcel in the middle of his followers and even threw him into a wall... She realised that something made Y/N snap.

Her death.

The sweet girl of a few days ago seemed to be in paused stage. Elizabeth admits that this was something that scared her, but it was better to be by her sister's side than to watch her wither away from afar. At least, for now.

Y/N spares Elizabeth a look, and a grin grows in the corners of her mouth, “I feel more like myself now, than I've felt before, Liz.” She leans back, laying down on the wood of the shore to stare at the afternoon sky. It was about four thirty p.m, the colours mixed orange, blue and yellow within the clouds. She loved this time of the day. “What you wanna do?” She turns her neck to look at her sister, who imitated her position but watched the lake instead of the sky.

Elizabeth hums, dipping her fingers into the water; it was warm. That made her smile, “Swim. It's been years since we have done that. You remember?”

Y/N giggles, observing the girl get up to start to take her clothes off. “Of course I remember,” She says, taking her own pants off, “We would be whining all day in mom's ear to come here and jump in the water.”

Y/N hears a splash while she takes her shirt off. Elizabeth submerged, a wide grin on her mouth, “It's so warm! C'mon, Y/N!”

She didn't need to be told twice to dive in.

Kol didn't expect to be back in New Orleans so soon. But, given that this is a family matter, he was forced to meet his siblings to figure out how to take the city back. Although, he still doesn't know exactly why he's needed yet. That was always a Klaus and Elijah's matter, never his.

“How do you expect we do that, Nik?” Rebekah leans back on the reading chair, not the least interested in what her brother was talking about. In fact, it was quite boring if you'd ask her. “Marcel is still in charge and last time I heard... he's not very fond of you, is he?”

“Marcel is not what he's worried about,” Elijah adds.

“What is it then?” Kol snaps, rolling his eyes, “And why the bloody hell did you call me? I was enjoying my time in Paris, did you know that?”

Klaus sips the rest of the whiskey, setting the glass on the coffee table with a thump.

“Y/N Y/L/N. Does that name ring any bells, Kol?” The youngest looks up, completely caught off guard. He hadn't heard that name in a year. Klaus raises his eyebrows at the reaction and turns to Elijah “See? Told you he'd be of use.”

Kol opens his mouth to protest, but Elijah cuts him off, “That does not mean he can get through her, Niklaus.” He levels with a patient tone.

“Ah, yes... This connection they have,” Rebekah mumbles, a hand on her chin as she watches both of her brothers discuss while pacing across the room. “Truly inspiring how they always keep us out of the loop, isn't?”

Kol frowns, focused on trying to figure out why Y/N of all people would be in whatever mess his family had caused this time. That's precisely the reason he left — to not put her in any kind of harm's way.

“... to her, Kol. I'm not so sure she would be so willingly to have a word with me." Klaus puckered his lips, the corners of his lips lifting minimally. Kol only picks up the end of the sentence directed at him due being immersed in his thoughts.

Elijah narrowed his eyes at him, a clear judgmental look. “Yes... I wonder why,”

Kol gets up, crossing his arms, “What then? You haven't answered me on why I need to talk to her. Go on, share with the class!” He was getting extremely irritated for not receiving answers. “Why the hell did you call me here for, Nik?”

Klaus sighs, unaffected. Throwing himself on the couch, he finally gives an answer, “You're the only one that can get inside her mind and stop the madness she build in our home.”

Rebekah snaps her blue eyes at him, “Madness? What are you talking about?”

“Oh, haven't you heard?” Klaus begins, lifting a leg to put it on the coffee table. Kol watches in disbelief the rather relaxed state his brother was in. “Y/N went mad and kindly put every living being in New Orleans to sleep. For unlimited time.”

Kol sucks in a breath, “What?”

That's not possible. She wouldn't hurt a fly. He thought.

“Wait. There's more,” Elijah interjects, uncrossing his arms to bury his hands in his pockets. Klaus gives Elijah a blank look. They stay like this for a hot second before Elijah decides he's the one that is going to announce the news. He adjusts his suit and clears his throat, “And, of course, she wouldn't do that out of boredom, like others...” He spares Klaus a pointed glance, “Her sister was killed in a conflict that happened between Marcel's Vampire's and the Witches a few weeks ago. A few witches broke the no-magic-rule Marcel restricted, and Elizabeth, Y/N's sister, was caught in the crossfire.”

Silence drowned the room for at least two long minutes. Until, Kol grabbed Klaus by his neck to threw him in the entrance hallway. That was a r.i.p for the newest vase Rebekah had acquired last week.

“What did you do.” Kol hisses at his brother, rage coming out in the form of dark veins under his eyes as he squeezes his neck. Elijah curses under his breath, approaching both of them, but before he can intervene, Kol is the one that is thrown in the opposite side of the room, right by the fireplace.

He was certainly not aiming for the fire, I suppose. Rebekah ponders to herself. She wasn't in the slightest affected by the commotion. They've done this almost as long as they've been in this earth.

“Careful, Kol.” Klaus demands, pushing the boy into the wall by his neck, the same area he had been grabbed by a second ago. “You might just get on my nerves tonight,” The moment his fangs threaten to come out, Elijah gets in the middle, separating the pair immediately.

“Enough. Act like adults for heaven's sake—”

Kol takes a step in Klaus direction, completely ignoring Elijah's orders, but it's stopped by Rebekah this time, “I told you not to mess with her, Nik! Not her.” He marveled, being hold back by his sister, who had a frown on her forehead due Kol's anger. He might be known as the most impulsive of the Mikaelsons, but he would never act out like with his family with no reason underneath. Which means...

“I wasn't even in the city when the commotion happened. How did you expect me to do anything to your girlfriend?” Klaus scoffs, annoyed. He was filled up with getting accusations, when this time, he did absolutely nothing. “Marcel killed her sister. Not me.”

He cares about her.

Kol lets out a loud humourless laugh. It echoed throughout the living room, “You should know by now that Marcel is always your problem. You just never deal with it!”

“Kol-” Elijah warns.

“Are you two any different? You basically created the mate. And where is he now? Where is he?” Kol narrows his eyes, retracting away harshly from Rebekah, who simply let her hands drop by her side, studying him carefully. “He's in the city that was supposed to be our home; and would you look at that! He's the one in charge! Not you, it is?”

Klaus's eyes darken lightly while his posture becomes more rigid. He doesn't say anything, but the quietness was deafening.

The doors slams shut, announcing Kol's exit.

They watched their mother's grave quietly. A nostalgic feeling building up on their chests every time a memory with the woman came up in their minds. The first thing Elizabeth thought, when she felt death creeping towards her body, was if she would be able to see her mom in the afterlife. Since her death didn't last, the thought was pushed away.

“Do you think she'd be proud of us?”

Elizabeth looks away from the tombstone to stare at her sister. “Yes.” she replies with certainty. Y/N doesn't meet her eyes, she plays with her fingers instead. “She would be proud because you are who you are. Y/N,” Elizabeth touches the girl's shoulder, and that causes her to look up at her, “She was always proud of you, honey. Wherever she is now, she will keep being proud.”

A solitary tear travelled down Y/N's cheek, but she quickly wipes it; the pain being averted once again. Elizabeth doesn't comment on it.

“You know,” Y/N's sister begins, wrapping her arms around the other's shoulders as they walked out of the cemitery. Y/N's hums in agreement, requesting her to go on while she holds one of Elizabeth's hand. “I'm proud of you, too.”

Y/N groans, prying Elizabeth away with a roll of her eyes, but her sister just chuckles and embraces her forcefully. They almost fall face flat on the ground.

“I am! Truly.” Elizabeth assures, placing her chin on Y/N's shoulder blade when they stop walking. “You're amazing and I'm glad you are my sister in this life.”

Y/N can't hold back a smile, “I'm proud of you, too, Liz.” She furrows her eyebrows when something in her sister's eyes shift. It was sadness and something else. Y/N takes her hand, “You okay? You know you don't have to be scared, right? I'm not gonna let anybody hurt you again—”

“Y/N,” Elizabeth pleads, squeezing the girls hand in a silent request for her to stop talking. Y/N tilts her head to the side, confused. Elizabeth smiles at that; she will miss having that reaction from her. “I'm not scared. What I want is for you to not be, okay? I need you to promise me something.”

With that, Y/N steps away as if she had been burned. The leaves croaking under her shoes help to ignite the dreadful feeling inside her ribcage.

“Why would I be scared?” Y/N asks, a few feet away, “What are you talking about?” Why are you saying things as if this is a goodbye? Her subconscious alarmed suspiciously.

“I need you to promise me to not give up on you when I'm gone,” Elizabeth croaks out in a broken voice. This would be harder than dying itself. “Remember what mom told us? About Expression?”

Y/N shakes her head, not wanting to listen. “Stop.”

““It builds you up like euphoria,” Elizabeth quoted her mother's words. They would be glued to her brain for all eternity. ““But it always comes with a price.” Remember, Y/N?”

“No.” Y/N snaps, “Stop it, Liz.” She warns. Somehow, she knew what her sister was trying to do; get into her head so she could revert things. Except that, she couldn't. No— she didn't want to. Even if she did, it was too late for that.

“... The price is you, Y/N.” She ignores what the girl just said, “Expression will swollow every good thing in you until all that's left is- is something hollow. Something that can't feel...can't live—”

“Stop!”

Elizabeth surveyed the area alarmed. A strong wind caused the trees to move loudly, making Elizabeth hold onto the first thing she saw to stabilise herself.

This is it. She thinks.

“... the human part in you will succumb to nothing. And I don't want that to happen. I'm sorry, Y/N.”

Y/N draws out a shaky breath, vision blurring and her legs trembling. Her body was begging for her to let go. She glanced at Elizabeth, not really sure where she was until her sister appears in front of her, “I love you and I'm gonna get you back.”

Darkness consumes her after this.

When Kol is contacted by Elizabeth, he's surprised, to say the least. Wasn't she supposed to be death? However, when he answers the call and she fills him in on everything he finally understands how and why everything happened. Upon telling him she needed his help, Kol was already half away to New Orleans without hesitation.

The plan was to take Y/N to the woods and distract her. Elizabeth would cause her to be weak for a few hours and then, Kol would take her to their parents house while she did the rest. His part was only to take care of her while Elizabeth finished everything. He agreed right away, of course, although he hadn't thought through to the fact that Y/N would probably be a little mad when she woke up and, well, they were stuck in the house together. The house was covered in a protection spell, only Elizabeth could undo it.

“I can't believe you, truly.” Y/N paced around the room a few moments after she woke up. The dizziness had passed but her powers were as weak as a dehydrated human being kept in a basement without food or water for days. Her own sister had betrayed her, along with the guy who left without leaving a trace behind. How great is that? “You leave an entirely year and comes back to play against me in whatever Liz is trying to do right now. Which could get her killed!” Y/N yells, shaking her head and breathing heavily. She stops pacing and looks at him, “What right do you think you have, Kol?”

Kol doesn't do as much as gulp. Guilt was eating his insides out and he couldn't feel more bad about leaving her. He realised now that, maybe, it was the wrong decision.

“Y/N, listen—”

She backs away as he tries to touch her, and he frowns deeply. “Don't touch me, you liar.” Venom drips from her tongue and he almost flinches at that. Y/N tries to get through the door, but the barrier doesn't even budge. She needed to be strong enough to destroy it.

“Y/N—”

“Shut up!”

“No!” He was irritated now. The snapping made her look over to him, “You're going to listen to me right now. Because, I don't know how much time we have and the only way you'll do it is by being stuck in here!”

Y/N scoffs, mumbling under her breath as she tries the windows. Nothing.

Kol's hair was a wild mess given the frustration he had been discounting on it every few seconds with his fingers. Why wouldn't she just be quiet and listen?

“Y/N, c'mon—”

“What do you want!” She turns to him frustrated. Eyeing him from toe to head like she still couldn't believe he was back. And doing that. Rage burns in her veins and the actions to come are ignited purely by it.

Y/N pushes him away with both of her hands in anger. And, then, she decides it wasn't enough. She walks forward in strong steps and pulls him by the collar of his shirt. He neither looks away nor does he reacts. Which makes Y/N even more angry.

“You left me here, claiming to love me,” The word feels like a joke to her now. She punches his chest; she wished to hurt him. But, all the pain he had caused her by leaving couldn't be felt so simply. “Without a note—not even a goodbye. What is wrong with you?!” They had reached a wall but that doesn't stop her from pushing him.

“I tried to protect you—” He told her in a whisper.

Y/N stares at him in disbelief, quitting her actions. “Are you kidding me—”

“I didn't want you to be in the middle of my family's quarrel, because, eventually, that's what would happen, Y/N.” He tries to take her hands, but she retracts. Kol nods in knowledge. He couldn't be hurt by that after hurting her a thousand times more. “I do love you, Y/N, and I'm sorry—”

“Shut up, Kol.” If felt like her heart was on her throat, keeping her from letting simple words out. She punches him. “Stop it.” She was asking that a lot lately.

He finally holds her wrists, eyes softening at her state, “I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry—”

“Please, don't,” Y/N tries to move away from him, but it was no use, he was much stronger. The punches she inflicted probably didn't even leave a single bruise.

“... I made a big mistake. I never should've left you, love. I'm so incredibly sorry, Y/N.”

The tears couldn't have come in a more terrible time. She soon starts sobbing. He wrapped his arms around her quickly.

“You should've stayed away.”

It's the only audible sentence before her crying takes away her will to stand. He slides to the floor with her, gently, still embracing her. She doesn't complain.

A few silent moments later, when her sobs give place to calm breaths, Kol pries out, “We're not against you, love. We're- we're just trying to get you back.”

“I'm here.” She mumbles against his shirt, voice rough.

He smiles sadly, caressing her arm, “You're in there somewhere, yes.”

Y/N forms a gap between them to gaze into his eyes, “What is she doing, Kol?”

He cups her cheeks softly, “Saving you.”

The heavy weigh around them seemed to vanish suddenly, like something had been lifted.

“The barrier spell—” Y/N gasps,

“It's gone.” He completes, watching her carefully.

She looks at him with despair, “Elizabeth—” She begins to get up to go after her sister, but what he says next, makes her stop.

“She's waiting for you.” Turning to him confused, he explains, “In the Lafayette Cemitery, love. Go.”

And, that's what she did without looking back.

When Y/N arrives at Lafayette Cemitery, her feet start to have a mind of their own. After turning between tombstones, she finally finds Elizabeth — sitting in the middle of a circled symbol, around candles and some old artefacts used to perform a specific ritual. One Y/N was quite familiar with.

“Liz, no...”

Elizabeth stands up when she sees that her sister has arrived “I talked to the Ancestors. We made an agreement—”

“I couldn't care less about the ancestors!” Y/N crowed. She surveyed the area, searching for the faces of the dead entities; they wouldn't show themselves to her. Not when she used Dark Magic to bring someone back. They were probably cursing her as a traitor in the Other Side. “You hear me?” Y/N provokes, yelling at nothing, “I don't care what you think! I regret nothing.”

“Hey!” Elizabeth reprimands, “Do you know how long it took for me to convince them?”

“How could you, Elizabeth!”

“I will not sit and watch you wither away, Y/N.” Her tone becomes soft. “By bringing me back, you were going to succumb into darkness; this is already happening, sister.”

Y/N covers her mouth outraged, “Please, Liz.”

Elizabeth walks over to her, “Come here.”

The girl lets herself be embraced in her sister's arms; she was too fragile to do otherwise.

“I love you, okay?” Liz leaves a longing kiss on her forehead. “Please, don't be mad at me. I couldn't lose you, Y/N.”

Y/N whimpers, tightening her hold on Elizabeth as if her life depended on it. “Please, don't do this— don't leave me.”

Tears starts to fall like a waterfall down Elizabeth's cheek. She doesn't wipe it, instead, she holds her sister even more tight, “It's okay, baby. I'll always be by your side, even if you can't see me.”

It's not enough. I need you here.

“Promise me?”

When they spread apart, she smiles sadly, “I promise.” Then, Elizabeth analyses a corner behind for a quick second before they move to the place where the symbol had been draw.

It didn't took long for them to complete the spell. Elizabeth was gone faster than she had died, but more peacefully and with a choice.

Denial.

First stage of grief, therefore, the hardest one. But, as she watched her sister close her eyes to never open then again... This time, something inside her clicked. The reasoning part of her brain was back to work and she realised what a mess she had caused. Not that she regrets bringing her sister back. Never. Although, she can't help but admit that she did that for her own selfish motives. It was scary to be alone.

But if Elizabeth was happy , than all that's left for Y/N is to accept her choice.

It did not meant it hurt any less.

She shivers with the strong wind. Looking up, she notices it would rain soon. I better get home.

Y/N laughs without humor. What home?

Her body reacts fast when a thick fabric is dropped on her shoulders. She turns around with widened eyes when someone groans a few feet away from her.

“And here I was, trying to be a gentleman.” Kol mumbles under his breath, using the ground to be able to stand up. Y/N rolls her eyes and turns her back on him. She goes back to stare at the lake. It seemed so dull now.

But she holds the jacket he had put on her shoulders, nonetheless. It was getting cold, afterall.

Kol sits down next to her, making the wood creak. Studying her features quietly to himself, he decides to speak “Are you alright?”

There's a pregnant pause, but she releases a shaky breath eventually. “No,” the Witch admits, her voice failing.

Kol feels agony run through his veins. He wanted to make it better. But how?

He lifts his hands to her cheeks, hesitantly. She doesn't move away, so he takes this as consent to touch her. “It will be okay, darling.” He promises as his fingers brush her tears away. “You're not alone.”

“You say that as if you're not gonna leave in the first chance you get,” Y/N looks down at her lap, picking the buttons of the jacket she had taken off of her back. “You should go, Kol.”

“I'm not going anywhere.”

Y/N gazes up at him, “I don't trust you.”

That stung.

But he deserved that.

“I know,” Kol proceeds to lift her chin so their eyes can meet, “But I can make you trust me again. I'll work hard for it, love.” The effect he had on her was undeniable. “Just let me be there for you, how about that?”

Y/N takes his hand away from her cheek, and his face drops. But she keeps holding it, analysing with curiosity. A certain nostalgia filling her chest.

“I can... let you be there for me. I can do that.” She ponders and looks up, he wore hope in his eyes. “But—”

“I know, love.” The corner of his lips raise a little — she didn't need to say, for he already knew — and he intertwines their fingers. “It's more than enough.”

Y/N rests her temple on his shoulder, fluttering her eyes shut. A few drops started to fall, along with a lightening; whispering to the pair that a thunderstorm was about to come.

Kol looks down, where the girl was almost drifting off to sleep against his chest. Which told him that she was pretty comfortable to move, so, he didn't — only made sure she was well covered with his jacket. It's not like the rain was strong. It wasn't enough for her to get sick, yet.

His fingers were drawing invisible patterns over the uncovered part of her arms, lulling her to sleep. Kol observes Y/N with a soft smile; her eyelashes fluttering slightly. For anyone watching from afar, the look in his eyes and the action could be classified as pure love. A type of emotion you can't get rid of so easily and one that survives the hardest moments someone could have.

The kind of love that doesn't fix you, but stays in the corner while you do it yourself. Because you're capable.

An everlasting love that stays through every disruption of balance.

#kol mikaelson x reader #the originals fanfiction #rebekah mikaelson #klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #kol mikaelson #reader insert #requested

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