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morganbritton132 · 1 year

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So does eddie ever realize that Steve's moment of "maybe I should retire" was based around the fact that he was getting death threat letters? Or is he just too excited by the prospect that he just focuses on how much fun it would be to have Steve w him all the time?

He does eventually make the connection, but it takes time.

Steve mentioned retiring before Eddie had any inkling of the letters so it’s not an obvious connection for him. Especially because Steve still talked about retiring after Eddie found out.

He’s clouded by the possibility of having it all.

Eddie loves touring. He loves every aspect of it and he loves the possibility of being able to do whatever they want whenever they want. The best times of Eddie’s life were when Steve joined Corroded Coffin on the road, and like. Eddie gets it.

Steve was meant to be a teacher. He’s good at his job and he loves it, and the world is better off because Steve was a teacher. Eddie knows that.

It’s just… it’s just that they got together and then Corroded Coffin went from playing to five drunks at The Hideout to an opening act to headlining their own tours so fast. In those early days, Steve had all these health issues that they were learning to live with and then was in school, and then was working.

And yeah, he would spend the summer on the road with the band but then it was half the summer because he had to work to pay for school or because he was teaching summer school, and then it was even less. Then it was not at all.

The idea that Eddie could have it all made him blind to what – upon reflection – was so obvious.

Eddie would make a joke about how Steve won’t be blowing him off to write lesson plans next year and miss the way that Steve would cringe. He’d point out that Steve didn’t need to buy the funny encouragement stickers at the store because this was his last year teaching and then miss the hollowness in Steve’s voice when he says, “Yeah, I guess.”

It’s not until one day when Dustin’s over. They’re planning to play some new video game that he bought and Eddie’s trying to figure out how to connect his PS5 to the tv in his studio when Dustin asks, “Is Steve okay? Like, no bad test results or anything?”

“He’s fine,” Eddie says and then after a beat, “Why? Did he say something to you?”

“No, but you always bug him until he sets this shit up for you,” Dustin points out. “And I know that he’s in bed right now. At 5 o’clock in the afternoon. On a Saturday.”

“Yeah, thanks for that, Captain Obvious,” He replies sarcastically, waving some cords at him until Dustin takes them and plugs them in the back of the tv. “He has a headache.”

“Okayyyy, so he’s been having a lot of headaches then?” Dustin asked, matching the sarcasm in Eddie’s voice. “I’ve been here a lot since the – you know, death threats. He is either in bed or laying on the couch. I haven’t seen him exercise in-“

“He’s working on that,” Eddie says. “Would you go on a run when someone knows where you live and threatened to beat you to death? Nope. He’s just… working through it. Processing and shit. He has a therapist.”

“I thought that was for his mom?”

“A therapist can have more than one purpose.”

“I’m just saying, he seems depressed,” Dustin says after a bit, completely unwilling to let it go. “He barely hangs out with Robin, he didn’t come to D&D last week, and you were literally just complaining that Steve hasn’t been – gross – in the mood lately. It seems like he’s really checked out and he only gets like that when something is wrong.”

“He’s got that make up MRI coming up,” Eddie replies, but it feels like he’s reaching. His mind is slotting together how many times they’ve eaten pizza this month or how many times he’s woken up before Steve. Last weekend, they watched Star Trek: The Next Generation and Steve didn’t even complain. “I’m sure that’s it.”

Eddie confronts Steve in the morning.

They’re eating cereal at the kitchen table and Eddie watches as Steve picks the marshmallows out of his Luck Charms before asking bluntly, “Are you dying?”

A little too bluntly because Steve startles like he’s been shocked, “What?”

“So, that’s a no?” Eddie asks, and then to Steve’s bewildered look, “Dustin’s worried that you’re dying. He says you’re acting weird, and you are. I can’t trust that you’ll tell me things anymore so… So, I’m asking, and I will take your word that you’re not going to lie directly to my face. Are you dying?”

“No,” Steve says. “No, I – Ed, I’d never keep something like that from you.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“But you ARE acting weird,” Eddie insists. “I know that the letters were a lot and they were scary, and it’s completely normal to not be okay about it, but this seems like it’s something else. You’re not doing any of your normal Steve stuff so… what’s going on?”

“I don’t – Eddie, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Okay,” He says. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“Don’t do that,” Steve tells him. “Don’t say it like you think I’m lying to you. I’m not. I – I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the letter. I didn’t know what to do, so stop… Stop treating me like you can’t trust me.”

“You’re hiding something, Steve! How can-“

“Do you know what I’m giving up?” Steve snaps, somewhere between sad and angry. He drops his spoon and pushes away from the table. “I would give up the world for you, Eddie, and I – I am! If you can’t trust me then what are we doing? I don’t want to be in my parents relationship and that’s what it feels like. I feel like I’m giving everything up so I can be here and you’re still unhappy.”

“I’m not unhappy, Steve, I’m – I’m confused! I don’t know what’s going on. What are you giving up?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me!” Eddie exclaims, tugging on his hair before getting up and following Steve. They’re standing in front of the kitchen sink when Eddie says, “I want to understand. What’s going-“

“I don’t want to stop teaching.”

Eddie stops, and it’s like every conversation they’ve had for the last month slots into place with brand new context and he’s – god, he’s an idiot. “Steve, baby. You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do,” He says and he tries to smile like everything is fine. “We’re going to travel and it’s going to be really fun. It’s just hard right now.”

“I didn’t – god, Steve. I’m sorry if I pressured you into thinking that you – we travel during the summer and on spring break, and we go on dates on the weekend, and that’s enough for me, babe. I don’t need you to give up anything for me.”

“I want to.”

Eddie takes a breath and he squeezes Steve’s hand, “Would you ever make me stop playing guitar? Would you ever let me break up the band and stop making music so we could spend time together?”

“It’s different, Eddie.”

“No, it’s not,” He tells him. “It’s your life and it’s your passion, and I’m a really shitty husband if I take that from you.”

#Posts that are slightly too long #I really like the idea that Dustin is the one to realize that there’s something going on #eddie munson tiktok saga #steve harrington #eddie munson #dustin henderson

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dangerkittenclaws · 2 months

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I have kind of a cute request for you! What about iii and IV from sleep token noticing the reader has been sad and they have a movie night together to cheer them up? :)

This was so cute to write, thank you! Also thank you for requesting III and IV, I haven’t gotten to explore them much / how I want to write their personalities so that was fun! You didn’t specify f! or m! or gn! reader so I went with gn! to be safe. Hope that’s okay! Enjoy my brain waves. <3

III x IV x gn!reader

warnings: none, just the cutest of fluff with two eepy boys

You are exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. You give the boys a small smile and wave as you pass through the doorway as you get in from class. You walk upstairs to change into more comfortable clothes and take a nap. Your depression has been getting to you a bit more recently. Coursework will have to wait until you have more energy, more willpower. Surely the boys will understand.

“They’ve been acting kind of distant lately.” IV prompts III.

“No, I know, I realized that too yesterday when they left lunch early,”

“I just wish they would tell us what’s bothering them.”

“I know a way to cheer them up!” III says, dangling a bag of popcorn in front of him.

“Movie night?” IV guesses.

“Movie night!” III puts the popcorn in the microwave and gets the largest bowl they have out of the cabinet.

IV gets the picture and starts in too. He grabs various snacks from the pantry, along with drinks for each of them. He takes the Red Vines and Skittles that are stashed away for nights like this into the living room. The smell of freshly popped popcorn fills the kitchen and wafts through the entire downstairs. IV sees the empty couch and gets an idea. He turns back around to find III setting the giant bowl of popcorn down on the table.

“I think we set up a fort,” IV says with a mischievous grin.

“That's why I love your brain!” III starts up the stairs as quietly as he can to gather blankets and pillows from his and IVs room. He throws down the biggest blankets over the banister onto the couch. IV takes the fluffiest one and lays it down on the couch first.

“Bring me two sheets too!” IV whisper yells up to III. IV goes to pick up two chairs from the dining room to put them on each side of the couch. The sheets land in front of him and he smiles up at III in appreciation.

III comes down, arms filled with pillows and stuffies, a giant smile across his face. IV grabs an edge of a sheet and spreads it out across the two chairs, the back of the couch, and the top of the television. He parts an entryway with two stuffies on each side, appointing them as guards. III packs in all of the pillows and smooths out the rest of the blankets inside.

“Okay! Done! Let’s go get them!” III pleads as he crawls out between the couch and the chair. IV holds out a hand to help him stand to his full height, smiling as he does.

IV knocks on your door lightly.

“Sweetheart? We have a surprise for you, wanna come see?”

III gently twists the knob and pushes the door open. You’re practically hidden behind a multitude of blankets, a few fingers pulling them down just in front of your face in answer. Your eyes look tired and glassy, like you just woke up. Not feeling like moving, you make grabby hands at IV.

“You wanna see it?” IV comes to the side of your bed, scooping you up in his arms. You nod into his neck.

The three of you make your way downstairs and IV sets you down once you’re in front of their fortress. You have an instant smile on your face as you look up to them.

“You did this?!”

“Yes! Would you like to go inside?”

You don’t even say yes before you drop to your knees and make your way inside. There’s no doubt that the boys are absolutely looking at your ass from behind. They follow you in, climbing with you up onto the couch.

“Ready lovely?” IV asks.

III hits play on the remote and the screen comes to life.

“Yessss,” you recognize the movie within seconds, The Lord of the Rings, starts to illuminate the white sheets above you.

III pokes your arm to grab your attention and procures the giant bowl of popcorn from the side table, “For you, my love.”

IV is sitting on the other side of you and presents drinks like fancy wine bottles. “We have the finest available tonight; Cherry Pepsi and Dr Pepper. Which will you have?”

“Pepsi please!” IV hands you your can before he distributes snacks. III pulls up the big blanket to lay it across the three of you.

You snuggle in to watch intently with a smile still on your face.

“We know you’ve been stressed with classes and winter isn’t your favorite season. Just wanted you to relax and enjoy tonight with us,” III explains.

“Thank you, III. It means a lot. And you too, IV. Really. I love it.”

IV kisses your forehead before snaking an arm around your middle to pull you into him closer. III steals a few Red Vines but you steal some Skittles and kisses in return.

Eventually you curl into IV’s chest, clinging on to consciousness and you let out a yawn. It’s only thirty minutes into the second movie.

“Well that was adorable.” IV whispers.

“You can go to sleep, love, we’ll still be here.” III says from behind you as he rubs your arm. He’s been watching you fight sleep for the past 15 minutes. IV just smiles down at you, seeing that you have “permission”, your eyes immediately shut.

IV catches III’s eyes, as if to say, “We did it, look at them, they’re ours.”

So III cuddles in behind you, an arm above your head just so he can be touching both you and IV’s shoulder. He lets out a sleepy sigh and IV watches his eyes close as well a few minutes later. IV is amazed at how the two of you got to be his, more so when he thinks of Vessel and II. He wonders how their own date went tonight as he drifts off to sleep, the TV casting shadows over the three of you.

#dangerkittenclaws #sleep token #sleep token fanfiction #eepy tokey #iii sleep token #iv sleep token #iii x reader #iv x reader #iii x iv x reader

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stayandot8 · 1 year

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The Listener

Genre: angsty-fluff i guess

Relationship type: established boyfriend/girlfriend

Important Contents: reader has a bout of a depressive episode and pushes Chan away, Chan won't take that lying down

a/n: every angst I write turns fluffy again, I don't know why lol. I guess I don't like the idea of either him or the character in my mind that I'm writing about (me?) in pain for very long. I was also inspired by The Trick by AJR when I started this and then it developed into this but I still might use my original idea! Just some background

WC: 2.5k

“I don’t think you should come over tonight.” I never thought I would say those words to him, but they were out before I could stop them. Our phone calls were fewer and far between, Chan’s busy schedule playing more into my unconscious plan than I thought. But this particular phone call was happening more and more often lately.

“I haven’t seen you in weeks. Just for a few minutes. Please?”

“I’ve got so much going on and I know you do too. Just focus on that, okay?” I hung up before he could see through my lies. If I saw him face to face, I wasn’t sure what I would do. I might not let him leave and that was just as dangerous as the alternative; the opposite. What I didn’t know was that he would come over anyway.

I was flickering through my TV from my spot on the couch, trying to find something, anything that would take my mind off of him. I was thinking about him more and more often nowadays, which scared me even more. See, here’s the thing. I have always been the type of person who didn’t need to depend on anyone. I made my own life for myself, I’m always the friend that people relied on and the person they went to for anything. When they needed advice, they would come to me. When they wanted to rant about something, I was the sounding board. If they wanted to gush, I was the one they ran to because they knew I would be happy for them, no matter what. I never had that person. I was just bothering them when I would need to return the favor or the subject would turn back to themselves and I found myself slipping into the familiar role of The Listener.

Now, there’s someone who wants to hear everything I have to say. Every question he asks, he wants the real answer, not the one he wants to hear. And this is new for me. Which is why it’s terrifying and also the reason I've avoided his calls, texts, and apartment for the last couple weeks.

I hear keys jingling from the hallway outside my apartment door along with heavy footsteps. I make nothing of it until the shuffles stop just outside my door and my door knob jiggles. My head snaps to the door as I sit up, ready to run for my bedroom. Then Chan bursts through my door, his eyes wild until he finds me. His brows raise in a slightly annoyed expression, his once excited posture now dropping.

“‘So much going on’, huh? Yeah, really seems like you’re busy these days.” He drops his bag by his shoes that he’s just taken off and casually strides halfway between me and the bedroom door my shoulders are leaning towards. He leans on the wall, crossing his arms as he sets his jaw and mouth in a tight line. “Care to explain?”

My shock that he had just showed up was quickly replaced by annoyance that he had in fact just showed up.

“You can’t just walk in here-” He held up a hand before I could finish.

“You gave me that right when you gave me your spare key. Now why did you lie to me?”

I sat back into the couch facing away from him and crossing my own arms, knowing he was right. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything so we just existed in silence for as long as he could stand.

“Okay, fine.” He left his place on the wall to sit on my coffee table in front of me, trapping me there unless I wanted to physically climb over him to run away from the eyes I knew could get me to do anything. The thought had occurred to me, what route I wanted to take when I eventually did run away from his gaze. My eyes roamed to every possible way I could go until he forced his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him. The annoyance in his face was still present but his eyes only held concern now. “Why did you lie? Did you really not want me here?” I bit my bottom lip to stop the trembling I knew was coming. I shut my eyes and shook his finger out from underneath my chin. When I opened them again, the concern was replaced by pure sadness.

“Just go home, Chris.” I stood, my stomach now directly in front of his face. He kept his eyes forward, now leaning his head against me.

“What did I do?” His voice cracked, breaking my resolve that much more. I looked to the ceiling, my lips trembling violently.

“You didn’t do anything.” My voice was just as quiet as his, breaking in its own way. I finally climbed my legs out from between his and made a break for my room, knowing he’d follow me. I shut my door just in time to see him stop in the hallway, three feet from my door and with that sad look still painting his features. I turned to slide my back down the door and sat, curled up on the floor and trying to keep my sobs from coming out too loud. I felt the door thud, him doing the same as me. I heard his voice through breaks in my cries.

“Are you trying to break up with me?” I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me.

“No.” I said quietly. I heard him sigh, his frustrations catching up to him.

“I can only ask so many times before I give up. I have my limits too.” I heard him get up after a long few minutes, his footsteps receding down my hallway. I never heard my front door close though, so I assumed he was still there but it was the ‘why’ I couldn’t put together. I crawled to the foot of my bed, not yet strong enough to climb onto it. I grabbed a random sweatshirt from the floor to act as a pillow to cry into. I didn’t know I had fallen asleep until the sound of snoring woke me out of a dazed half slumber. When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a nose, followed by the rest of his face coming into sharper view as my vision focused. I wondered why he was still there, especially on the floor with me.

As I unstuck my tongue from the roof of my mouth, I couldn’t help but notice the tears I had cried were causing the dryness that I was currently feeling there. My aching limbs were punishing me for trying to use them, rising from my place. I made sure not to wake up the sleeping boy next to me as I walked out to get some water from my kitchen.

Leaning against the sink gave me the space I needed to think clearly about what had just happened.

Do you want to break up with him?

No. Plain and simple.

Then why are you pushing him away?

Because I’m getting too close.

No, that’s not it and you know it.

But I don’t know the actual reason.

Yes you do.

Now tell him before you lose him.

That annoying voice in my head was always right. I imagined it was that voice that stopped me from doing all of the stupid things my brain had wanted to do throughout the course of our entire relationship. I downed two glasses before I got the courage to retrace my steps back to my room. I found Chan sitting on the bed, back against the headboard. He eyed the glass of water I had brought with me for him. My feet padded against my rug to where he was, silently handing him the glass. He took it but didn’t drink. I sat down on the edge, giving myself and him the space to think.

“Why did you stay?” I fiddled with the string of my hoodie, waiting for his answer. It was a full minute before he spoke.

“I thought you would need me.” He said simply. “So I slept on the couch but it was so uncomfortable so I checked in here to see if you were asleep. Then I found you on the floor. You looked so sad, I couldn’t leave you like that. You had this deep frown that I couldn’t ignore so I laid down beside you and watched you sleep. I was wondering if I was the one who caused it when I drifted off too.” He took a sip of his water. I did the 180 spin to face him but not meet his eye. I picked a spot on my blanket to stare at. He took several deep breaths.

“You can’t even look at me, can you?” My blanket was all I could see. It was the only stable thing I could focus on, a constant I could rely on to stay present in the conversation we were supposed to be having. But I wasn’t saying anything. Why am I not saying anything? I tried to move my mouth to speak but my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. I couldn’t move.

“Why are you pushing me away? What did I do?” The pain in his voice caused me to finally meet his gaze, the familiar tears coming back. I could only make out those eyes, begging me to tell him the truth. That closed off space in my heart was begging to be let free, just waiting for someone with the right-shaped key. And that person was sitting right in front of me, imploring me to let him in. To let him see everything, every ugly thing I had ever said or done, every thought I had he wanted to know. The moments I paused, running every possible way that this could go wrong in my brain, gave him the impression that I was closing him out again. His shoulders sagged in defeat, the sad look in his eyes hadn’t left since he crashed through my door. He looked to the floor, unsure of what to say next. He shifted his weight to leave, leave me behind. Suddenly everything went in slow motion. The worst possible situation was happening in front of my eyes, every good thing I had known was grabbing his belongings to desert me like they all did. My breathing came quicker, panic fully setting in. No. Not this one.

I grabbed his wrist before he got too far, forcing him to stop and turn back to me.

“Please don’t go.” I whispered. “I don’t know who I am without you.” My voice was so low I could barely hear it myself. I still wonder how he heard what I said but he did. I know he did because he kneeled in front of me.

“Every relationship I have ever had, romantic or platonic, I’ve had to pretend to be people that I thought they would want to love. I wanted to be loved so badly that I would transform into different people to please them. I would like things I don’t, do things I never thought I would do in the worst way just to make people happy. I’ve done that my whole life. Except… when I met you. I found that when you were asking me things, the only answer I could give was the real one. You would ask me what I wanted to do and for the first time, I wasn’t secretly thinking ‘what do I think he wants to do?’ You never made me feel like I had to be someone else. I feel like I’ve never met myself until I started hanging around you. And that terrifies me.”

“But why? Why does that scare you?”

“I thought you would notice that and push me away. So I did it first.”

He sighed, his shoulders drooping as he rested his forehead on my knees. That’s when the shaking started, the vulnerability of this moment starting to take over.

“I’ve always been the one people depend on. I’m not used to having someone like that. I feel like I can’t breathe without you. And I’ve never felt that before. I’ve never needed anyone like I need you. All the time, everywhere.”

“Well, I don’t know if you know this, but I’m the same way. I have seven kids that I have to be strong for. That I have to be stable for. And you keep me stable. I have millions of people who rely on me because I bring them strength and comfort. I don’t know how, but I have to believe what they tell me. I feel like I put too much on your shoulders because I’m in this relationship with you. I know I can only be around so much and my attention has to be split between so many things. But you have been such a breath of refreshment every time. I can relax around you. I don’t have to be anyone else with you. I don’t have to put on a mask or be a professional or someone else. You make me appreciate the simple things about myself. You remind me that I don’t have to be Bang Chan all the time. With you, I can be Chris.” He stood only enough to be eye level with me, bringing his hands to catch my tears from falling all the way down. “Sometimes I think I’m a little too obsessed with you. I feel like I crowd you too much. I know I can be very clingy but it's just because I can’t possibly be around you enough.”

I chuckled through the remainder of the tears, simply for something else to do.

“I never had to depend on anyone before you. I was the one people depended on.”

“Even the dependable people need someone to lean on. The listeners need someone to listen to them.” The way he whispered it against my forehead sent a shiver down my body. “And now that we’ve established that, can we please sleep on something other than the floor? I know you’re exhausted.” I nodded, looking longingly at my pile of pillows, exhaustion taking over my limbs. I knew this conversation wasn’t over but for now, I just missed him too much. We both moved to our respective sides, his arms opening to invite me in. I let myself be pulled up into his chest, his warmth surrounding me as his chin rested on the top of my head.

“I missed you.” He sighed, his breath tickling my hair on my neck. I had no more words left so I just did the only thing I knew could express my feelings at that moment. I just hugged him tighter. My last thoughts before I drifted off were the ones that had been going through my head since I met him.

Please don’t leave me.

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nancydrewwouldnever · 1 year

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Advocate January 2009 Interview

Chris Evans: Not Another Gay Interview

Chris Evans is a serious actor, but that doesn’t mean he wants you to stop objectifying him.

By Brandon Voss

January 05 2009 12:00 AM EST

After working a whipped-cream bikini in the 2001 spoof Not Another Teen Movie, Chris Evans fried phone lines in Cellular and melted hearts as The Human Torch in the Fantastic Four films. Next seen as a telekinetic troublemaker in February’s sci-fi thriller Push, the 27-year-old revisits his steamiest photo shoot and outs his even hotter gay brother.

This may come as quite a shock, but gay men enjoy you. I was well aware of that. I remember my mother saying, “Chris, do you know you’re #2 on some gay list [AfterElton.com’s Hot 100]. Brad Pitt is #12!” I was like, “What?!” I couldn’t believe it.

That was 2007. I hate to break bad news, but you dropped to #8 in ’08. Aww, that’s outrageous! Who took my spot?

I forget, but Jake Gyllenhaal was #1 for both years. What? Jake? Unacceptable. [Laughs]

It couldn’t hurt to play a gay role next. I really wanted to be a part of Milk, but I lost out to James Franco. I guess if you’ve got to lose, he’s the guy to lose to. I did a movie called Fierce People where I played a sociopath who wasn’t gay, but he does rape a teenage boy. You come to find out he didn’t do it for sexual reasons; he just did it because he could. He really was a sick character.

I’ve actually got an idea for a gay musical sequel to Cellular called Blackberry Storm. You in? Absolutely. Sounds like a nailbiter.

I hear there might also be a queer subtext in Push. Yes, those with powers try to keep it under wraps. They’re being hunted by the government, so everyone’s trying to lay low. Now I understand the gay man’s struggle. [Laughs]

What’s the status of your Tennessee Williams film, The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond, about a 1920’s Memphis debutante? We took it to the Toronto Film Festival looking for distribution, and it does not look like that’s going to happen. I don’t know if there’s really a market for a Tennessee Williams film. It would’ve been a tough film to distribute and make money back, so it’s probably going to remain in limbo and possibly come out one day on DVD.

Do you blame Lindsay Lohan, who was originally set to star before Bryce Dallas Howard took over? [Laughs] No, not at all. To be honest, Bryce was phenomenal in the movie. It’s a shame that people won’t get to see her performance.

Let’s discuss your sexy, now-infamous 2004 Flaunt magazine photo shoot — and why you seem more hesitant to flaunt your physique. I really didn’t think twice about taking my shirt off at the time, but my current publicist would pull her hair out if I did that photo shoot today. If I got to a photo shoot and they said, “OK, we’re going to do some shirtless shots,” I’d say, “Fine. No big deal.” It never really occurred to me that that could be misinterpreted as a bad thing or as selling out.

Do you think those photos hurt you? I couldn’t care less, and I don’t think it makes one lick of difference. But I hired my publicist for her professional opinion, and she seems to think it’s a mistake. I have no problem taking my shirt off for a role if the part calls for it, but my publicist says, “When you’re promoting yourself, being you, there’s a way to keep it as classy as possible. Greasing yourself up and stripping down may not be the best way to do it.” To some degree, she may have a point. But at the end of the day, it didn’t bother me then and it doesn’t bother me now. Maybe I dropped to #8 because I haven’t had enough shirtless photo shoots lately. I’m blaming my publicist. [Laughs]

When you need an ego boost, do you ever watch the Chris Evans tribute videos on YouTube? No, I just call my mother. When you’re feeling depressed, you talk to her for 20 minutes and you think your shit doesn’t stink. And you can quote me on that.

I read on PerezHilton.com that your younger brother Scott is gay. Yes, I do have a gay brother. I’m down with the gays. Mostly I’m hanging out with him and his gay buddies, who are fucking hilarious. They’re the funniest people I know.

Do they take you to gay bars? They’ve invited me out to gay bars before, and I said, “Look, guys, I’ve got to draw the line there.” That’s where a photo will get taken, it will run in magazines, and before you know it, I’ll be living down the gay rumor for the rest of my life.

Does your brother look anything like you? He does, but he’s about an inch taller and about four shades tanner than I am. He’s a very fit young man. Believe me, he does quite well for himself.

How did he come out to you? He was really nervous. He came out to all of us very slowly. His first year at NYU, he came out to our mother and our sister, and then he came out to me a little later. I was driving him back to New York City for school. We spent the whole day together, got to the city, had some beers in my hotel room, got into a really great talk, and he came out. I was so glad that he did. That’s got to be a difficult transition, but I come from the most liberal household you have ever heard of. And for some reason, gay men are just drawn to my mother. She’s a cool chick. I think, like, six men have come out to her. I guess they just feel so comfortable with her, and before you know it, they’re coming out of the closet. I think my mother was praying for us to be gay, so at least she got one of us.

Growing up, when was the first time you realized that you weren’t gay? When I had a crush on my babysitter, who lived with us for a few years. I must’ve been 10 or 11. I was just head-over-heels in love with her. I thought she was the greatest thing in the world. Then I had a really big crush on Kim Cattrall in Mannequin. I was in love with her too.

In May 2008, you were photographed wearing a T-shirt with an image of two girls making out. Was that your way of showing support for gay marriage? My buddy owns a clothing line in L.A, and that’s one of the T-shirts that he makes. To be completely honest, I threw it on without really taking a close enough look at it. On that day I ended up getting photographed at a clothing store — which rarely happens to me — and then on the way home, I get in a car accident. So I’m dealing with police, the ambulance, taking down names and numbers, all while wearing a shirt with two women tonguing each other. It was a rough day. As for gay marriage, it’s mindboggling and appalling that human beings are being denied civil rights in this country. But time will heal all. I have to believe that in 10 years we won’t be having this conversation. We’ll be having another one, because we’ll always find someone to persecute.

2008 was arguably the Year of the Man-crush. Who was yours? My buddies always tell me that I have a man-crush on Brad Pitt. What can I say? The guy’s great. I think he’s a great fuckin’ actor, and he’s versatile as all hell. I’ve never seen a movie I didn’t like him in. So I guess he’s my man-crush.

When I interviewed Milo Ventimiglia for The Advocate, he told me about performing “I Will Survive” in drag for the short-lived 2000 TV series Opposite Sex. He failed to mention that you were one of his two backup dancers. [Laughs] I’ll tell you the worst part. Milo and Kyle [Howard] look like the ugliest transvestites in the world; meanwhile, I think I pass! I look like an alright-looking woman! It was horrible walking from the makeup trailer to the set. I was ogled, getting catcalls, and being sized-up. It was very demeaning. I could definitely relate to what women must go through.

Have you done drag since? No. Unless you want to count the blue tights in Fantastic Four.

By the way, “flame on!” was typically reserved for flamboyant homosexuals before you stole it as your Fantastic Four catchphrase. Sorry, guys. Well, you knocked me down to #8. I had to steal something.

#interview #2009 #advocate interview #chris evans #scott evans

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lu-vin-it · 1 year

Text

1 | Letters From the Living

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

Series Masterlist

Summary: You’ve always loved journaling. It’s a hobby you keep even after the world turns upside down.

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x Reader, Reader x Brad

Pronouns Used: None

Word Count: 882

Warnings: Death, typical twd stuff

A/N: Ty @spnczr and @stqrluvr for proofreading ily guys sm!

Hey me! It is August 25th, 2010. I’m on my way to Georgia for Jenny’s birthday. Brad is with me, he says hi. He’s being a gentleman and driving me. He won’t play anything other than Limp Bizkit and it’s honestly annoying. Oh! Guess what? Since my last entry (a month ago, yikes), I am officially a fiancé! Brad proposed!!!!!! Awesome right? I’ve never been happier in my life. Seriously. My job is good, I’m ENGAGED(!!!!), my family is within a two hour drive… everything is going great. I’m so happy. Like so happy. Ugh. It’s sickening. Okay bye, we’re at waffle house.

It’s been two weeks. Everything has gone to shit. I don’t really know how else to explain it. People got sick and they started trying to eat other people. You can only kill the infected by targeting their brain. Half the population is probably dead by now. I barely escaped with Brad and Jenny. I’m terrified. I can’t sleep. Brad has been doing his best, he’s been carrying Dad’s gun around, trying to make sure Jen and I are okay. We found a group outside of Atlanta, it’s by a quarry. There’s a lot of people. I’ve been talking to a girl, Andrea, a lot. She’s sweet, cares about her sister, Amy, a bunch. Jen and Amy get along too. Funny right? Sisters with sisters.

Anyways, we’ve been camping for almost two weeks and I don’t know what to do. We can’t find Mom or Dad, so I’ve been taking care of Jen. She’s only fourteen. She had to watch someone be eaten alive. I’m mostly scared for her. I’m so worried. Hopefully the government will fix this soon.

It’s been a week since my last entry. I know, crazy. Before this I barely wrote in here at all. I guess I just don’t have much else to do. There isn’t really anything to tell you. The dead still walk. Brad’s still the same as ever. It’s freaking me out honestly. He hasn’t seemed at all concerned about any of this. Anywho, there’s a guy here, Shane, who’s taken leadership of the group. He used to be a sheriff's deputy, so I guess everyone kinda trusts him. I don’t. There’s something off about him. Got to go, time to sort through what Glenn brought back.

You’ll never believe what happened today. Rick Grimes came back to camp with Glenn, Andrea, Morales, Jaqui, and T-Dog. Rick Grimes is the husband of Lori Grimes and father to Carl Grimes, two people who’ve been living at the camp since the start!! He’s also that Shane guy’s best friend. Apparently he was shot on duty and has been in a coma. Somehow he made his way here. Pretty cool, right??? Shane seems even more off now that he’s here though. (He was totally fucking Lori. Even Jen says so.).

Also, Merle Dixon didn’t come back from the run. Fuckers left him handcuffed to the rooftop!!! Can you believe that???? Daryl (his brother) is going to have a field day when he gets back from hunting.

Brad is still normal. I love him. It’s crazy how he’s been so calm, but I appreciate it. He’s my rock.

I have never been more depressed in my life. Brad died. He was bitten trying to save me from a geek. I killed the geek and I held him until I was dragged away by Jenny. I think someone shot him after I Iaid down. God. Someone shot him after I laid down. Wow. Sorry if the ink is smudged. I’m really trying not to cry. It’s late. I don’t want to wake anyone up. I want him. I need him back. I don’t think I can do this without him. He was my life. He’s all I’ve known for the past eight years. I still remember when I met him. First day of senior year, and he was the new kid from New York. Everyone wanted to talk to him. But he talked to me. Plain old me. I don’t think there’s been a day since where I haven’t been with him. How do I do this?

We found shelter. We went to Atlanta to the CDC. There’s only one man left, Dr. Brenner. He’s nice. He fed us, let us shower (HOT WATER!!!!), and he’s going to let us stay here as long as we want. Jenny’s super excited. She’s been hanging out with Sophia and Carl, the twelve year olds. I forgot to mention last time that it wasn’t just Brad who died. Most of the camp did. I’m going to start a list of who’s still living, okay? It’ll be at the end of my entries.

Anyways, Amy also died. I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to Andrea but I don’t think she’s doing so well. I know we’re dealing with the losses differently, she’s not talked to anyone and she wants to be alone. I think I’m the complete opposite. I feel awful. I wish I knew what to say to comfort her. Jenny has been kinda lonely, but Sophia asked about her necklace (it’s the locket I gave her for her 13th birthday. It still has the picture of us in it :)) and they’ve been fast friends since. I’ve been talking to Carol a bunch too. She’s Sophia’s Mom. She lost her husband the night Brad died too. She’s very sweet.

Carol, Andrea, Dale, Jaqui, Rick, Lori, Carl, T-Dog, Glenn, Daryl, Sophia and Jenny. (Morales and his family are all alive, but they left to try and find the rest of their family)

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#daryl dixion x reader #daryl dixon series #daryl dixon x y/n #daryl dixon imagine #daryl dixon x you #the walking dead fic #the walking dead fanfiction #the walking dead imagine #the walking dead x reader #twd x reader #daryl dixon x plus size reader

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bihansthot · 3 months

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My little ham is being extremely cuddly tonight and I am very here for it, I was very sad earlier because I can’t remember what Jäger smells like anymore. I find myself smelling Denny often hoping I won’t forget him too. For some reason I’ve been thinking a lot about Jäger’s final moments lately which prompts trying to remember what he smelled like, what he felt like and I just can’t remember, all of those memories are wrapped up and laced with so much sadness and trauma I just can’t separate them. I don’t know what’s bringing these feelings back up lately, maybe because I haven’t been feeling well and have been unhappy because I feel unwell. I need a nice distraction and neither of the guys I’ve been seeing are providing it. Maybe I need a hobby? Writing seems too constricting lately and not fun. I’ve been thinking about crocheting again but a) I have to learn again which no biggie YouTube taught me when my niece was born 15 years ago, it can teach me again, b) I have no clue what to make? I’d make something for Denny but he has so many clothes lol I guess he can always use more? Maybe cute hats like Good Boy Ollie has? Denny deserves all the cute clothes and hats, he’s such a good baby. I don’t deserve him.

In non depressing dog stuff I made some video game resolutions for the year that I’m not sure I’ll accomplish. If you’ve followed me for a very long time you know I also love Soulsborne games, I’ve beaten DS3 and Elden Ring but my resolution is to beat the DLC for DS3, I want to beat Malenia and Placidusax in Elden Ring and finally play Bloodborne. I’ve never played Bloodborne despite absolutely loving it. The problem is I haven’t touched DS3 since I beat it so I can’t remember how to play it and Elden Ring I’m reasonably confident I can beat Placidusax but Malenia woof waterfowl dance am I right? THB I had enough health to tank most of it if I could avoid at least one but it’s her stage two form scarlet rot dive bomb that killed me. Admittedly I’ve only tried Malenia 2 or 3 times, my partner got Let Me Solo Her themselves to beat Malenia for them. I don’t know where to start though, I have to restart them all from the beginning because I’m on PS5 now, I guess I should go in order? So Bloodborne first? I’m so scared though everything is so fast 😭 I’m a big dumb, clunky over level and use the biggest axe in the game type player and I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up. I don’t know if I can do the DLC I don’t know if I can beat Lady Maria or the Orphan of Kos but I guess I’ll try. Wish me luck y’all, I’m not embarking back into Soulsborne until I 100% Season of the Cryomancer though and of course this will have no bearing on my MK lust/content or anything, I don’t really have Soulsborne husbandos/waifus though I guess there’s boy Anri and Vicar Amelia (yes I’m a monster fucker, deal with it) oh oh and my precious stingray boyfriend Lorian, I don’t write for any of them or self ship with any of them so there will still be lots of dumb egg jokes. Don’t worry I’m in no way taking a break from MK I’m just indulging in another franchise I love deeply too, multitasking. So I guess just a heads up that there may be an influx of rage posts about Soulsborne bosses lol Or me professing my endless love for Greirat and Boc lol Will I ever go back to Baldur’s Gate 3?? Who knows! Probably not tbh I don’t like anyone other than Gribbo and Scratch not to mention I’ve seen my partner put just hours into it. I’ve seen the game and maybe I’m just bad at it but it’s just not fun for me which is why I’m going back to Soulsborne games lol I’ll tag my posts with “Soulsborne” if you don’t wanna see my rambling about the games though but like I said I promise I will still be all MK all the time after all it’s my true love ❤️

This has been a pointless Sol rambles, thanks for reading 🩵

#dogs are the best #tw pet loss #we don’t deserve dogs #soulsborne #new year resolutions #gaming #sol rambles

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phanfictioncatalogue · 5 months

Text

Sleepy Cuddles/Kissing Masterlist

A Cure for Hiccups (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan and Phil find themselves wrapped up in some late-night shenanigans. Based off of Dan’s Tweet: It’s nearly 3am and I’m trying to sleep and I can hear Phil hiccupping through the wall x__x it’s been four hours now

All I Want for Christmas (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan plans to spend the Christmas alone, Phil isn't going to let that happen.

Butterfly Kisses, Video Games and Cuddles on the Couch (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Just a cute, fluffy one-shot (to make up for all the sad stories I've been writing lately!! You're welcome!)

Can I Borrow A Kiss? (I Promise I'll Give it Back) (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Lots and lots of different kisses

Distractions (ao3) - your_starless_eyes

Summary: Dan's a bit anxious about his newest video, and that just won't do.

Gotta Get An Upgrade (ao3) - your_starless_eyes

Summary: Phil notices Dan becoming more and more aloof and obsessive as the tour continues on. He ends up talking to a high school in New Jersey's resident "stoner" after a fatal mistake is made on stage.

i'm bad at cooking (but not at loving you) (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: 3 times Phil tries to make Dan breakfast, + 1 time it actually works

It's U (ao3) - your_starless_eyes

Summary: Late night frustration and existential episodes are just a part of Dan's daily life by this point.

---

"I guess it's just another one of those nights / When I'll spend way too much time / On something so small that no one really cares about at all."

Languid Kisses (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: "I can't believe that this many years later I'm still so in love with you."

/fluffy smut/

Normality (ao3) - YourEyesHoldTheGalaxy

Summary: After long months of touring, Dan and Phil arrive home. And though all Dan wanted was to sleep in his own bed, he couldn’t fall asleep after sleeping in Phil’s arms for months. So Dan decides he’ll go sleep with Phil then.

Secret For The Mad (ao3) - your_starless_eyes

Summary: Sometimes Dan can't sleep.

Phil is more than happy to help.

Sleep well Little Lion (ao3) - Fluffyphanfics

Summary: Dan came back from Germany, and Phil is happy because of that. But he hasn’t slept well since he has depression. And since they haven’t been together since Dan left, they have a whole afternoon together but Phil was too tired and depressed because he was up all the nights depressed or waiting for Dan to wake up and smile a little again.

Sleepy Movie Nights (ao3) - YourEyesHoldTheGalaxy

Summary: Dan and Phil need a movie night in and maybe just maybe, it’ll be different this time.

Take a Break (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Phil is too tired to function because of tour, so Dan takes care of him (despite also being quite tired).

The Lovers (VI) (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Dan, guardian of the forest, feels inadequate to love and of love. His best friend Phil loves him despite that.. but doesn't know quite what to do when Dan becomes a hypocrite- playing with both their feelings

the way he loves you (ao3) - deletable_bird

Summary: A collection of drabbles involving Dan Howell and Phil Lester in tooth-rottingly fluffy domestic scenarios.

Things you said with no space between us (ao3) - sinking_wthatship

Summary: 2009 Phan making out in Phil's bed. Smut ensues. It's very cute and cheesy and their first time doing 'stuff' and Dan can't seem to be quiet. Neck kisses, obviously.

Welcome home! (never leave that long again) (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Dan comes home from tour and stumbles right into Phil’s arms. He is more touch starved than he’d realised.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #sleep #sleep masterlist

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miserable-sarah · 2 years

Text

I Will Always Love You

Pairings: Sam x Reader

Warnings: depression, language

Plot/Summary: How Sam would react to you being depressed.

***

Things have been hard lately with hunting and the boys. I’m not a hunter, I was saved by the boys but sadly lost all my family and I didn’t have anywhere else to go so they took me in to watch over me. Since then Sam and I have developed feelings and finally have got together.

We have been dating for a while now, but I’m unhappy. Not with him, just my life and the way it’s going. I miss my family, I feel like I’m in a constant state of worry, I always feel like something is coming after me, I’m just tired. I want to plant roots, when getting with him I knew it wasn’t going to be the perfect life but I didn’t know how hard it was going to be exactly. I just want a break from life.

I’m laying on the bed in our bedroom, the Tv is on playing something for background noise, I’m too busy in my own head to even realize Sam walked in. I feel the bed shift and look over at the man with brown shaggy hair and big brown golden eyes, he always makes my heart sink.

“Hey what’s the matter with you lately?” He asks me

“What do you mean?” I ask trying to play it cool, I really hate talking about being sad. I always feel like I'm being selfish or that no one really cares.

“Babe you’ve been so different the last couple of days, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” He says placing a hand on my thigh trying to be supportive

“Yeah, sorry I’ve just been a little off I guess” I say shrugging my shoulders wanting to leave it at that.

“Talk to me” Sam says coming besides me cuddling me and rubbing my back

“I’m just tired” I start but feel like it’s too much to talk about so I just say that, I can feel tears forming in my eyes, this is another reason I hate talking to people about my feelings. I cry, everytime. Sam notices me abruptly stopping.

“Y/n, please you can talk to me about anything. I just want to be here for you”

I sigh deeply “I-I” I stutter trying to form words “I’m tired, I miss my family, I’m confused, I’m constantly on edge, I’m scared of something coming and trying to kidnap me so it can kill you two then kill me.” I start “I knew this life wasn’t going to be easy but I didn’t notice how hard it was going to be '' I say looking at him, I manage not to cry until my eyes meet his. I look into his sweet soft brown eyes, he looks just as sad as I feel, I let a tear fall from my eyes and now they won’t stop.

Sam pulls me into his chest not letting go, I’m not sure he knows how to comfort me.

“I really miss my family” I say holding on to him, I don’t want him to let go of me. I really need this moment. I haven’t been myself in so long. I just miss everything the way it was.

“Y/n, I know you miss your family, I know they will always be here with you. I’m sorry that you lost them. I’m sorry this is how your life is going right now but if you want to leave and try to start a normal life.” He pauses “I will not stop you. I will always love you.” Sam places a kiss on top of my head. My heart sinks, I can’t leave. I love Sam too much. I know him and Dean will protect me no matter what.

“Sam, I don’t want to leave you. I just need a break. Do something for a little while and get my mind off things.” I explain “I love you so much. I couldn’t ever leave you.” I kiss him. He kisses back, running his hands up and down my back.

“What is it you want to do?” He asks, I take a second to think about it because I never really did think about it before.

“Like normal things, like going to the movies, or mini golf, or going camping” I say trying to think of all the things I did before that I actually liked doing. Sam chuckles at me.

“Let’s do it all” He says, giving me kiss on my head again.

The next day I wake up to Sam in my face with a huge smile.

“What?” I ask

“Here” Sam hands me a pamphlet of things to do horseback riding, movies, golf, pool, swimming holes, camping, hiking trails, ect.

“What’s this?” I ask confused

“These are all the things we're going to do to make you feel better. It’s going to be a road trip because a lot of these things are in different states. But we’re used to being on the road” He says with excitement still in his voice. I smile at him, my heart feels like it’s going to explode. I can feel my eyes tearing up, he is just so fucking sweet.

“Sam, that’s so sweet” I say giving him a huge hug and kiss.

“Get ready” he says getting off the bed “I’ll get coffee!” He yells leaving the room. Leaving me in there smiling like a doofus.

*** Hello! Hope you guys enjoyed! Thank you for reading. Feedback welcomed as always!

#sam winchester imagine #sweet sam #sam winchester x y/n #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester #supernatural preferences #supernatural imagine #supernatural #supernatural smut #sam winchester smut #sammy winchester

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fardell24b · 1 month

Text

Spider Quinn 08: The Three Misfits - Part 1

08 The Three Misfits

It was early evening at Lawndale High. Principal Angela Li was working late. There was a knock at her door. “Come in.”

The Vice Principal, Anthony DeMartino, entered. “Here’s a Preliminary report on the school this term.”

“Very good, Anthony,” Angela said.

“You’ll note that there are three students who are reclusive and not reaching their potential.”

Angela looked at the report. “Only three?” she asked.

“Yes. Despite their recent bereavement, both Morgendorffers are doing well academically.”

“I see that too, although both still don’t have extracurriculars after the dissolution of the Fashion Club.”

“I see you’re thinking,” Anthony said.

“Maybe Quinn could help those three.”

“Not Daria?”

“Daria is still, reticent, about participation in school outside of academics, whereas Quinn wants to continue such participation even after the Fashion Club was disbanded. That was due to something to do with Ms. Griffin.”

Anthony nodded. “Quinn it is then, but how?”

“Let me consider that.”

“Good.”

Lawndale Sun-Herald

Tuesday December 15, 1999

SpiderGirl averts another drug deal

It looked to be an ordinary day at Lawndale High School. Quinn Morgendorffer certainly thought so as she pulled on her usual clothes over her SpiderGirl suit. She had then emerged into a corridor. ‘Now, where are Stacy and Tori?’ she wondered. She started looking for them.

Elsewhere, three different students arrived at the school. Anna Coultard looked around for her friend, who she usually met as she arrived at the school. ‘Where are you?’ she asked herself as she usually did. However, she quickly found him near the door, and dashed over to him. “Ben!”

“Hi Anna,” he said.

“How are you today?”

“Oh! The usual,” Ben Harrod answered.

Anna knew what that meant. That his hypochondria was acting up. “What is it now?” she asked.

“I think I have the flu.”

“It just the winter.”

“It’s not just the sniffles. There’s fever too,” Ben said.

Anna placed her hand on Ben’s forehead. “Feels normal to me,” she said.

“Oh!”

“Come on, you don’t want to be late to homeroom, again.”

“Of course not!”

Elsewhere in the school, Gerald Brown got to his locker. He breathed a sigh of relief. No one had tried to talk to him. He preferred it that way. He opened the locker. “Gerald!” someone called.

‘Oh no!’ he thought. He made himself scarce.

Jenna Kingsley looked for Gerald again. She was sure he was there a few moments earlier. He hadn’t come to the Anime Club for a while. She wanted to ask whether he wanted to remain a member. “Another time,” she said to herself as the bell for homeroom rang.

The school day proceeded as it usually did for each teacher and student.

DeMartino tried and failed to teach Kevin Thompson rudimentary about the historical importance of the Great Depression and Daria Morgendorffer snarked to Jane Lane about it.

Sandi Griffin ignored a play O’Neill was trying to teach the class as she continued to plot revenge against Quinn and SpiderGirl for humiliating her.

There was one unusual event at the end of the school day…

“Quinn Morgendorffer, please report to the Principal’s Office.”

Quinn tensed up. It could be anything. From another death in the family, to one of Li’s cameras outing her as SpiderGirl, despite her avoiding them.

“Quinn?” Stacy Rowe asked.

“I’m fine, Stacy. It’s just that it could be anything,” Quinn responded.

“I can come with you,” Stacy offered.

“Sure,” Quinn said.

Quinn knocked on the office door.

“Come in,” Li said.

Quinn entered. “You called, Ms. Li?”

“Yes. I know you still haven’t got any extracurricular activities after the end of the Fashion Club.”

“I guess I haven’t been looking, what with Christmas coming up and all.”

“Yes. Mrs. Manson is available,” Li said. She shook her head. “But that isn’t why I called you in.”

Christmas. That was going to be difficult. But Quinn put it out of mind. “So, why?”

“Most of the students of this school are reaching their potential…” The Principal started.

But Quinn interrupted. “You want me to tutor Kevin?”

“Let me finish, Ms. Morgendorffer!”

“Sorry.”

“Apology accepted. That’s something your sister might do, after the holidays. Anyway, there are three misfit students you may be able to help,” the Principal then handed a page over.

Quinn read it. “Anna Coultard… Has a reputation for being weird. That she does.”

“Yes. Whatever the truth is. She isn’t reaching her potential. There are two others.”

“Ben Harrod. A hypochondriac. This hypochondria prevents him from interacting with most of his peers due to his fear of germs. Ugh. Probably still thinks girls have cooties.”

“That’s inaccurate. He is friends with Anna,” the Principal interjected.

“I guess,” Quinn said. “And the last one. Gerald Brown. A loner. I guess like Daria would be if she hadn’t met Jane.”

“Maybe,” the Principal said.

“So, you want me to help these people?” Quinn asked. “How?”

“Encouraging to join in. With each other at first. We’ll see how it goes.”

“I’ll do it!” Quinn said.

“Very good, Ms. Morgendorffer.”

“Do they know someone is going to help them?” Quinn asked.

“Not yet. I wanted to ask you first.”

“Right.”

“I will call them in first period tomorrow,” Li said.

“How did it go?” Stacy asked when Quinn emerged from the Principal’s office.”

“There’s no bad news,” Quinn answered.

“So, what was it?” Stacy asked.

“She wants me to help three misfits fit in.”

“Including me?”

“I don’t think you’re a misfit, Stacy,” Quinn said in a reassuring tone.

Stacy breathed a sigh of relief.

“Come, Tori is meeting us at the Pizza place,” Quinn said.

“Sure,” Stacy asked.

“Wait. Who are these misfits?” Stacy asked as they left the school grounds.

“Gerald Brown, Ben Herrod and Anna Coulter,” Quinn answered. “Wait?”

“Coultard?” Stacy supplied.

“That’s it.”

“That’s my neighbor.”

“I knew I had heard that name before,” Quinn said.

“She hasn’t fit in since Kindergarten,” Stacy said quietly.

“Oh,” Quinn said.

“There were many times when I tried to befriend her.”

“Really?”

Stacy nodded. “But it seems that she’s shy.”

“That doesn’t make her weird,” Quinn pointed out.

“Not by itself,” Stacy added. “There are other things too.”

“Such as?”

“Um…”

Quinn could tell Stacy wasn’t really sure, that she couldn’t put her finger on it, so she let it be. “Don’t worry. I’m sure I’ll find out quickly.”

Stacy relaxed.

It wasn’t long before they arrived at the Pizza place.

Tori greeted them as they entered as she had been busy through the school day. “What did Ms. Li want?” she asked.

Quinn filled her in on about the three misfits.

“Oh, Anna. I heard that she’s into New Age stuff,” Tori said.

“That could be weird, but that’s what my parents were into, when they were younger,” Quinn said, her voice trailing off.

“Really?” Tori asked.

“They were hippies in college,” Quinn answered quietly.

“Sorry for bringing that up,” Tori said, as they came up to the counter.

“You couldn’t have known,” Quinn said. “What about the other two?”

“Ben gets freaked out by anything, not just insects. Animals and birds, some plants too,” Tori said.

“I see,” Stacy said.

“But Gerald, I haven’t heard much about him,” Tori said.

“That’s fine,” Quinn said.

As they waited for their pies, Quinn noticed Daria sitting by herself at a nearby booth, reading a book. ‘Isn’t Jane usually here with her?’ she wondered. She went over. “Daria?”

“Quinn?” Daria asked, with slight concern on the face. “Did the Principal have bad news?”

“She didn’t,” Quinn answered.

“So, what did she call you in for?”

“Join us and I’ll tell you?”

“Quinn?”

“I know you’re lonely, and that Jane isn’t here.”

“Sure.”

Tori saw Daria sit across from her. “Hi, Daria.”

“Hi,” she said.

“Tori.”

“Right. So, Quinn?”

Quinn then filled in her sister about the Principal and the three misfits.

“I see. I have heard about Anna, but not the other two,” Daria said.

“Right,” Quinn said. “Why isn’t Jane here?”

“She’s working on some art with her mother. Something she rarely gets to do.”

“Mrs. Lane is rarely home,” Tori said.

“Oh.”

The quartet talk for a while as they eat their pizzas, although Daria was the quietest.

What they didn’t realise was that Sandi was also at the Pizza place. She was also wondering why the Principal had called her into her office. “What is going on?” she wondered to herself. She had also seen Daria sit with the other three. ‘Of course she acknowledges that weird girl is her sister,’ she thought. She ate her Pizza in silence before stalking out of the store.

Quinn left the Pizza place ahead of the other three and changed to SpiderGirl behind some bushes. She then swung away from the strip mall where the Pizza place was towards Dega Street, where she was sure criminals were hanging out.

Stacy saw SpiderGirl swinging away as she left the Pizza place. “Oh!” she commented. “Where is she going?”

SpiderGirl saw some people scatter as she swung into Dega Street from Second Street. She swung down in front of one of them. “Hello!”

“SpiderGirl! I didn’t do anything!” a blonde girl said.

“Then why did you run?”

“There have been rumors going around school about you.”

“Really?” SpiderGirl asked. She could think of one source right off the bat.

“Yes,” the girl answered, looking away. “That you’re taking out your frustrations on the people of Lawndale.”

“Well. I’m not,” SpiderGirl retorted. “If I’m frustrated, it’s that people are getting murdered and the police are unable to do anything about it.”

“Oh. But I’m sure that they are doing something. Whether it’s enough is another thing.”

“I’m sure they aren’t.”

“I guess,” the girl said.

“Right. Be safe,” SpiderGirl said as she shot a webline.

“Wait!”

“What? I have to keep patrolling.”

“Could you take me somewhere?” the girl asked.

“Why?” SpiderGirl asked with curiosity.

“I’m running a little late,” the girl admitted.

“Sure. But where?”

“A friend’s place. It’s not far.”

“Hang on to me then,” SpiderGirl directed.

The girl nodded and threw her hands around the superhero.

SpiderGirl found it different than when she had done it with Brittany Taylor two weeks earlier and not not just because it was in the daytime. The girl was silent, whereas Brittany had chatted with her a little.

“Here we are,” SpiderGirl said, when they had reached their destination, a relatively small house in one of Lawndale’s older subdivisions four blocks away.

“Thanks,” the girl said,

“You’re welcome,” SpiderGirl said. “But what is your name?”

“I guess I know you’re SpiderGirl,” the girl murmered.

“Yes,” SpiderGirl said impatiently.

“You can call me Feli,” the girl said with a smile. “It’s short for Felicia.”

“Thanks,” SpiderGirl said in a cheerful tone, before swinging away.

‘Weird,’ SpiderGirl commented as she headed back towards the downtown, keeping an eye on the streets below on the way.

It was just after sunset when SpiderGirl arrived back at the red brick house in Glen Oaks Lane. She saw that her mother and sister were home. She still wasn’t sure what to make of that girl.

Lawndale Sun-Herald

Wednesday, December 16, 1999

Editorial

Is Lawndale High Performing Well?

Quinn arrived at school early. She wanted to be ready to help those three students. Even though she had not slept much and had spent most of the night patrolling and had rescued two women from muggers just after sunrise. That and the thought of that girl was still filling her mind at times.

#anthony demartino #angela li #daria #daria morgendorffer #fanfic #quinn morgendorffer #sandi griffin #spider-man #stacy rowe

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rosenallies · 10 months

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Would you do 21 for alternate breakup au😅

Gonna combine these two just bc I want to so sorry to whomever requested 14 and maybe didn’t have my most depressing au in mind butttt I’m feeling hmm some type of way rn and I need to project my emotions. Very sorry for that very very sorry </3

Tw// talk of sh, relapsing…writing this kinda rlly made me cry so pls be careful

14. “I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

21. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

——

Rosé rested his forehead on the cool wood of the door, jiggling the knob once more to see if the door would budge. “Nali, baby, please open the door, please.”

He tried again and again, the other side of the door silent, the knob unmoving. His heart thumped in his chest, growing desperate as he pleaded. “Please.”

Moments later, the lock clicked undone, the door opening slowly, revealing a disheveled looking Denali, his eyes red rimmed and wet, lip bleeding like he’d been biting it. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered, “I’ll be okay, you can go. I don’t want you to be late to dinner with your friend.”

“Honey,” he sighed, shaking his head, “I cancelled hours ago, I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

Guilt squeezed Denali’s insides, making him ache from the inside out, spreading through him like a wildfire. “Oh. Okay.”

“Can we go sit and talk, please?”

Denali nodded, anxiety clawing at his throat as Rosé led him to the couch, keeping their hands linked together as they sat.

“Baby, what’s going on? Are you having a hard time lately?”

Shrugging, Denali stared at the carpet. “I don’t know, I guess. I’ve just been really tired.”

“Is there something you’re not telling me? Baby, have you-?”

Instinctively, Denali snatched his hand away from Rosé. “No!” He replied defensively, “I-I haven’t!”

“You can tell me,” Rosé promised, keeping his voice as even as he possibly could, even though panic was attempting to steal his breath. He knew that sometimes relapses happened but it had been 6 months since Denali last hurt himself; he hoped they’d at least gotten over that hurdle. “I won’t be mad, honey, I promise. Just let me see. Please.”

Denali cried, hiccuping with fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he clutched onto the extra fabric of his sweatpants just to have something to do with his hands. “I’m so sorry, please don’t be angry with me, please!”

“Baby, my love, I’m not angry with you at all. I promise, I would never be angry at you for that. Can I please see so I can see if you need to see a doctor?”

“I don’t,” he said softly, sniffling, “I don’t need to see a doctor, they’re not as bad as they were before-“

“Okay,” Rosé nodded, “can you just let me check, honey? Please?”

Gingerly, he handed over his arm, the same side Rosé had just been holding, letting him carefully roll up his sleeve. “I’m sorry,” Denali whispered, hanging his head in shame as Rosé’s eyes scanned over the cuts on his arm. They were all superficial but that didn’t make Rosé feel any better about it, his stomach still churned painfully at the sight.

“Oh sweet boy,” he breathed, “you poor thing. Why didn’t you tell me you felt this way again?”

“I didn’t want you to be angry with me. I feel like I’ve been doing so good and I ruined it. Twice now, two days in a row.”

Rosé shifted, grabbing onto both of Denali’s hands, kissing the back of each. “I would never ever be angry at you for this. It breaks my heart but I could never be mad at you.”

“I got in trouble when I did it when I was a teenager and got in even worse trouble when I screwed up,” he said.

“It’s not a screw up, baby, it’s a relapse and it happens. It’s a part of recovery sometimes, right? We’ll get through it and I’ll be right here, no matter what.”

“Okay,” he muttered, pressing himself close to Rosé and breathing him in, Rosé playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Honey, I wanna bandage you up just to make sure everything stays clean but after can we do something to help you feel a bit better this evening? Maybe we could have a movie night and build a fort in the living room? Or we could go for a drive and listen to music? We can just head to bed early and cuddle? It’s up to you, lovely.”

“Can we do a movie night?” Denali sniffed, “and can we watch ‘Up’?”

Rosé smiled to himself, dropping a kiss to the top of his head. “Anything you want.”

With gentle hands, Rosé bandaged Denali’s injuries while Denali watched intently, trying not to cry. He kissed him and rolled his sweater sleeve back down when he was finished, the small gesture making Denali’s body relax with comfort.

“All done, baby, thank you for letting me help you,” he said sincerely, helping Denali back up, “ready for our movie night?”

“Yeah. Are you sure you’re not upset with me though?”

Rosé pulled him close gently, kissing his forehead. “Baby, I’m not upset with you. I absolutely hate that you felt like you had to hurt yourself and I’m not going to say it’s okay, but I’m not mad at you. Tomorrow we’re going to call your therapist together and try to get an earlier appointment, and we’re gonna get through it. Together, okay?”

Throwing his arms around Rosé’s neck, Denali hugged him tightly. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby,” he said softly into Denali’s hair.

#honestly might delete this in the morning #or when I wake up whenever that will be #I didn’t queue this for once it rlly is just 4 am rn as I type this #inwanna Scream 🫢🫢🫢#I cannot Sleep #pls ignore me I’m literally delusional rn I’m so tired #alternate breakup au

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mewmewchann · 1 year

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Sorry for the late submission, but the character theme song ask game: I have a whole list, but I’ll stick to the ones I really like that haven’t already been mentioned.

Last Stop by DoNotCrossP: I see this as a postgame Rantaro song as he leaves season 52 and heads towards season 53, knowing his memories are about to be wiped and he’s likely going to die in the next game.

Moonlight Densetsu: I definitely see this as a Kokoro song. Magical girls, romance, childhood nostalgia and shoujo manga/anime… if this isn’t Kokoro’s vibe wrapped up in a song I don’t know what is.

My Whole Family by Bo Burnham: Meme song for Haruto for… really obvious reasons.

Waiting in the Wings (Reprise): I THINK this was once mentioned as a baby Jasper song, but I personally associate it with Ayano more. Childhood neglect, yay!

LIAR DANCE by DECO*27: Saiko song. Admittedly mostly because of DFTH chapter 11. I kind of see it as Rantaro singing to Saiko, if that makes sense?

Hurricane from Hamilton: So a LONG while back you said Wait For It was a Saiko song, and after relistening to the Hamilton soundtrack I made the realization that Saiko is actually a Hamilton kinnie. …Seriously, think about it for a second and tell me I’m wrong. Anyways, I associate this song with the moment Saiko decides to kill Kaoru, since it’s sort of the same moment Hamilton decides to write the Reynolds Pamphlet: in an effort to secure their respective legacies, they cause their own falls from grace.

Magical Girl and Chocolate by PinocchioP: I know Kokoro had this assigned once, but I also associate it with Katsumi. I guess it’s because it kind of ties into her “atypical protagonist/I’m not your hero” thing? She’s not evil, but she’s no angel either, and she definitely prioritizes herself and Hide over everyone else (“I only want to protect the ones I love”).

Easy Easy Go by Pink Shark Music: Another Katsumi song, mostly based on vibes and the fact this song was originally made for a rhythm game (Superbeat XONiC).

Shoujo Rei by MikitoP: I know this is already on Hide’s playlist, but it takes two to Shoujo Rei IMO so if this isn’t also a Katsumi song I will riot.

Leave Them by LittleJayneyCakes: Hide song! I know I keep giving him really depressing songs (Montreal and God Must Hate Me), but in my defence he’s pretty depressed so it’s not like I’m WRONG.

Kira from Death Note The Musical: A Mastermind Rantaro song, because I really like your Rantaro and enjoy the thought of how thoroughly you’d have to break him to get Mastermind Rantaro. In my head, this is actually Monokuma singing about Rantaro right before V3 starts: he doesn’t really give a shit if Rantaro kills Tsumugi and replaces her as mastermind, he’s seen all this shit before, but he finds it entertaining nonetheless. Sort of like how people watch Hallmark romance movies even though they know exactly what’ll happen.

Finally, lightning rounds for Jasper and Naoki, because they both have several songs each and this ask is long enough already:

- Jasper: There’s A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered […] by Panic! At The Disco because this is just Jasper’s bullshit in song form, Higanbana Milk Tea by Vane because “fuck my dead parents”, Villain by Stella Jung because vibes, and Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing by Set It Off because this is just Jasper’s bullshit in song form again (and I can kind of see Rantaro singing it about him, if that makes sense?). Yes, half of those are already Slade songs but considering how similar those two are I think some overlap is justified.

- Naoki: Permission to Dance by BTS because I was playing Cookie Run during the BTS collab and now the association is just stuck there, Kick Up Your Heels because vibes/it’s another song about dancing and they’re the Ultimate Dancer, and Tangled Up by Caro Emerald (Lokee Remix) because it is the catchiest dance song ever and I love it to death.

WHOA OKAY THIS IS A LOT AND I LOVE IT

sorry for the super late response O

*cracks knuckles* now prepare for a longass response

Last Stop for DFTH!Rantaro

how have I not heard this song until now it is so underrated and such a mood what

But yes. This is absolutely PERFECT for his postgame mentality. I won't spoil what happens in chapter 6, but you're basically dead on here.

Moonlight Densetsu for Kokoro

well she certainly does fit the magical girl vibe teehee

My Whole Family for Haruto (meme)

When I tell you I choked-

Waiting in the Wings (Reprise) for Ayano

hmm. It's an interesting pick. I personally don't see it because of the Jasper association I already have, but it's an interesting pick.

(the Jasper association is mainly because I have a whole animatic mapped out in my head of this song involving him and Atsuki that just fits too well and I hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

LIAR DANCE by DECO*27 for Saiko

oh this is an interesting one I personally associate it with Hotaru, but the parallels with Rantaro and Saiko's relationship are interesting ...And yes it was where I got the chapter name from I'M VOCALOID TRASH OK

Hurricane for Saiko

OOOOOOOOOOH THIS IS FUN I can see the parallels! The parallels are very juicy!

(also fun fact: Haruto did try to show Saiko the Hamilton soundtrack once and the moment it was over he said "...The songs were okay I guess but too many things were inaccurate")

Magical Girl and Chocolate for Katsumi

Hmm. I can see where you're coming from with this.

The main reasons I associate it with Kokoro is because of (at least how I read it) it being from the perspective of a jaded magical girl who used to see the hope of the world, before growing jaded and tired of it. And it just ties to Kokoro a lot to me because of that.

But the Katsumi read here is also very interesting ovo

Easy Easy Go for Katsumi

this song slaps what the fuck

Shoujo Rei for both Hide and Katsumi

Shoujo Rei fits Hope's Chains way too well.

...

And that's all I'm gonna say on that.

Leave Them for Hide

I'm crying now

Kira for MM!Rantaro

damn that's a name I haven't heard in a while

thinking of that whole thing is...Weird, given how long it's been and what I'm working on now, but it does fit.

Jasper lightning round

There's A Good Reason... - yes.

Higanbana Milk Tea - how have I not heard this song before this goes so hard

Villain - how do you have access to my "I need to animatic this" playlist

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing - ah yes the iconic AMV song. Lovely

Naoki lightning round

Permission to Dance - yes. Also I love this song so much it's such a banger

Kick up Your Heels - this is absolutely their vibe yes

Tangled Up - this is also absolutely their vibe yes

WHOO this was a big one. Thanks for the ask, this was a lot of fun to do!!!

#ask meme

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noahvoxwashere · 1 year

Text

Just some Vent Art

As of late, I have been having a very very hard time in my life. A big mixture of, anger and fear, depression, and anxiety and sadness. I’m very lonely in my life right now, and, it’s taking a very long time for me to properly recover from it. But, during these trying times, I have made a collection of vent art and, I’ve always managed to be proud of the art that comes out of me being depressed to, I figured I would make an attempt to share it somewhere where I feel I can. So, enjoy what you see, maybe I’ll explain what went into the pieces provided below.

The first piece was an experimental vent piece. I have a playlist on Spotify with lots of songs that I associate with my struggles in them, and, I believe the first one is “Poor George” by James Supercave. A *very*, very beautiful song. The lyrics of the first few verses are in this piece. Originally this was going to be a “well, well, look whose inside again” piece with the spotlight, reminiscent of Bo Burnham’s “INSIDE”. But, I decided against it. The X’s are representative of emotional wounds and where I have physically felt them weigh on me. Overall, the piece came out very beautifully, and I like how it looks. I played around with colours a lot before I was happy.

This next piece is a little older, but, it was made around the start of all of this shit going on. It was just a representation of anger, and the feeling of being struck in the face, and it hurts like a bitch and you want to cry but it makes you just, fucking furious once the pain dies out. That’s what the piece represents to me at least. I used this piece to experiment with some filters in Clip Studio I had never used either, so, that was fun.

This piece was inspired by a song my dad found once, called, “Run Away to Mars” by TALK. It’s such a beautiful song, and it makes me cry. It makes me think about my struggles in life, and my dad, who is very far away from me now. The imagery is, obviously, of Mars. And I guess the feeling of loneliness, and, running away, or, almost feeling as if you are running away when, there is really nothing for you to run to. It’s a very good song, highly recommend.

This piece is the most recent, and very fresh. I made this piece half stoned, and, it was definitely a trip working with all these bright colours and movements and waves of, just, noise. But the piece is reflective of how I feel coming out of a high. The feeling of his, jittery happiness washing away, and reality and my reality kicking back in again. Let me be frank, drugs are not toys- They have all the potential to be very dangerous, take them with caution. And take care of yourself. But, I made this piece to get emotion out, and it did just that for me.

And finally a bit of trigger warning for violence on this piece- Once again, a physical representation of mental pain. It’s very much a self portrait/vent piece, and, it was extremely cathartic for me to make. There isn’t much for me to say regarding it though that I haven’t said about prior pieces. I made this to get out how I was feeling in the moment, and, the feeling I felt was, numb betrayal. Which, makes twisted sense but, it’s a lot to explain.

And hey! Look at that, we’re at the end. That’s for being interested. I want to post here more so, we’ll see if I do that, eh?

~NoahwasHere

#vent #vent art #vent post #art #drawing #sketch #doodle #digital art #digital #digital painting #persona #internet persona #sona #clip studio paint #clip studio

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perennialwitness · 1 year

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MANCINI'S SLEEPWORLD

I’m having trouble sleeping. It’s nothing new, I’ve never been great at getting rest. The cause is difficult to pin down. I’ve suffered insomnia in some form or another since I was young, though this most recent stretch has come on the heels of a diagnosis. After countless nights spent in motion, desperate contortion and gymnastics in attempts to find the sweet spot, I’ve become sloth-like during normal waking hours. My mother would tell you that I’m lazy, that if I just tried a little harder I could do a lot more. Part of me agrees with her and some days I feel superhuman when I accomplish more than three or four tasks. While the energy lasts I try to come up with ways to harness it. I scheme plans for the future, step-by step instructions on how to correct the course of my life. I do this while I wash every dish in the apartment. I play music loud enough to rattle my brain because I’ve discovered through trial and error that without it the duration of this feeling shortens by half. Bills are paid, fridge is stocked, laundry folded, I might even join a climbing gym. I text every person I think I’ve neglected in the time since my last up cycle, some reply, some don’t, I’m concerned about it, but impervious to the feeling in the moment and will lock it away until I’m down again to be dwelt upon like depression meal prep. These phases come and go quickly and without warning, I’ve learned that with the right combination of events and actions I can at times accidentally stumble my way into one. There are days I spend switching frantically between activities in search of a jump start. In actuality I can rarely force it, this is all done out of optimism, it is better to try and fail than not try at all when the alternative is this liminal state where at its darkest the only other solutions are to rekindle my old drug habits… fade away slowly, or kill myself and get it over with.

Every so often I decide to go for a late night drive, out of a need for fresh air more so than inspiration, but you never know. On these drives I find myself leaving the city, venturing out to the fringes where the roads are smooth and empty. I am looking for peace and the streets of Oakland are unpredictable past 9pm. I see the same signs the whole way out, repeated in various patterns along main streets and in plazas. Eventually small businesses are non-existent aside from the occasional nail salon or liquor store. Every space is familiar then, for miles of stroad the same names appearing again and again. Starbucks, McDonald’s, Shell, PetCo, Home Depot, Dominoes, Target, CVS, Safeway, Mancini’s Sleepworld. That last one, though just as frequently appearing as the rest, feels out of place. How many mattresses are being sold to warrant this number of stores? Definitely more than I expect, is what I’m thinking as I pass another electric blue sign post. The thought swirls and morphs in my head, soon it becomes my only thought, my eyes glaze over and I begin to drive on autopilot lost somewhere between now and later. At one point I convince myself that it must be a front, that inside of every Mancini’s Sleepworld there are drugs I can use to help solve my problem. It is somewhere between Pleasanton and Livermore when I see what feels like the eighth one and in a trance-like state I pull into the parking lot.

The engine idles while I sit eyeing my reflection in the glass. The outline of the low gas-mileage Japanese sedan fused with my silhouette, void-like it depicts my true appearance in the moment. I guess at what might be waiting for me on the other side. Trazodone, Lorazepam, Zolpedim, some other combination of molecules I haven’t yet heard of, and then I think I might want to see for myself. My seat belt unbuckles, my fingers search for the locks. It never occurs to me that the store may be closed, because when else would a shop that supposedly sells mattresses be open? The logic is loose, but enough. I’m not aware of myself as I get out of the car. There is movement, the sound of gravel crunching, it’s not until my hands grasp the door handle that I even realize what I am doing, the jerk as it resists my pull is what snaps my consciousness back into reality.

I’m aware of what has just occurred, it is normal, tunnel vision is a symptom of what ails me. They call it hyperfixation and it is both the key to my survival and what I believe will eventually be the source of my demise. I forget to eat and drink, I hold my piss for hours, agonize over details so minute their relevance is only perceptible to me, unable even if I wanted to break concentration. It is what keeps me tethered to the present, however tenuous the connection. I do not lack focus, I lack interest. Sooner or later everything, even these fixations, will seem pointless.

No longer under the spell I turn back to my car and am startled by the sudden appearance of a large man standing just outside of the passenger side door waving at me. He’s older, mid-forties I’d say, dressed as if he’d been out for happy hour and gotten carried away. His shirt untucked, tie loosened, even at a distance I can tell that he’s balding. He’s waving harder now that he realizes he’s got my attention and I stiffen at the sight of him. The keys are still in the ignition and the doors unlocked, if he wants he can easily jump in the car and take off before I can reach him.

“Hey!” he calls with his right arm extended above his head. “Are they closed?” I wave back, I don’t know why, emulating him just seems like the right thing to do.

“Yeah.” Now I’m walking towards him at a clenched yet casual pace, doing my best impersonation of someone who is unalarmed by the sudden appearance of a stranger. He waits patiently for me to reach him and then after a quick wipe on his pant leg shoves a thick calloused paw towards me.

“Gordon Jefferies, but everyone calls me Sticks.” I take his hand, he gives it a vigorous shake, then with his left he points over my shoulder. “Lookin’ for a mattress?” A single gold tooth, the third incisor, glints when he speaks.

“I— uh, my name is Malcolm.” He laughs with my hand still gripped in his. The laugh is deep, from his belly and the way he throws his head back makes him seem maniacal, possibly insane. The smell of whisky emanates off of him heating the space between us.

“Got a little ahead of myself there, sorry, I’ve had a few.” I tug a bit and he releases me. Still half apologizing he adds, “I’m only asking because I can get you a mattress, y’know if you really need one… or is it sleep you need?” I shake my head and take the opportunity to glance around the parking lot, it’s just the two of us. No witnesses. I wonder how he’d snuck up on me and then curse myself for getting so distracted.

“No, I’m okay. I was just checking to see if anyone was around.” He cocks an eyebrow, his voice suddenly serious.

“Why, are you gonna rob the place?” At that I sidestep toward the front of the car.

“It’s hard to explain— look, it was nice to meet you, man, but I gotta go.” I circle past the headlights without taking my eyes off of him, he follows my gaze but doesn’t move. It isn’t until I open the door that he responds, jolly again.

“Hey, I hear ya. Whatever happened to turning the lights out when you leave a place?” I nod and smile, sure that as long as I remain polite I’ll be able to avoid any trouble.

“Yeah, that’s just how it goes sometimes. Alright man well, I’ll see ya arou—-“

“You wouldn’t mind giving me a ride would you?” he says and all the air leaves my body. My instincts urge me to say, ‘no’. I should get into my car and drive away, but something else, something deeper, poses a question, Of course we know what’ll happen if you leave, what I want to know is What happens if you say, yes? and again I am consumed by possibility, consequence loses its meaning. Death at this point would be worse than never knowing.

“Sure,” I say to him and then I utter a phrase known to my generation only as a pre-curse for trouble in horror films, “where ya headed?” Sticks’s eyebrows rise in astonishment, he expected me to decline and I accept this as a sign that he can be trusted, at least for now.

Once we’re in the car angled toward the coast he tells me that he just needs to get as far as Alameda, ten minutes from my apartment in Downtown Oakland. Normally I would take the streets, meander my way back, kill time, but I hop on the freeway sure that the longer he is in my car the more danger I am potentially in. In the forty minutes it takes us to get back into the city we exchange only a handful of words. He asks about my job and I tell him that I work in bookkeeping for a law firm, this surprises him, he says I don’t look like the type and I agree. He is in sales, though when I ask what of his response is vague, “Oh, lots of things, whatever you need really.”

We arrive in Alameda after submerging momentarily to take the tunnels beneath the estuary and Sticks directs me to a hole-in-the-wall diner on the eastern side of the island, across from a halal corner store. He guides me in with his hand.

“Right up there, on the right, that’s the spot.” I pull up to the curb out front and put the car in park. He extends his hand again and I take it, with another exuberant shake he says, “Malcom, my man, you really saved my ass.” and as is custom I shrug it off.

“It was on the way, don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t give me that, you’re a good guy. Hey, why don’t I buy you a meal? Come on, at least have a coffee with me. You’re a coffee man, right?” Both of his hands now clasped over mine. I feel like I have no choice but to accept the offer.

The diner is expansive, reeking of americana and a forgotten culture of exploration and migration that shaped the early United States. License plates and steering wheels and exhaust pipes line the walls. The space stretches back past the bar where it opens into rows of booth seating. Aside from us the only other patrons are two bikers in matching leather vests mulling over toast as they watch sports highlights on the TV mounted above the bar. Their patches read “Dragons”. A large illuminated tank against the far wall is filled with exotic fish who peer at us through the glass. Our server, a boy in his late teens, follows us to our seats, eager to take our orders and get back to whatever he’d been doing before we arrived. Sticks orders us both coffee as well as the corned-beef hash special for himself.

“So, what do you do?” he’s saying to me as he fusses with the seal on a package of single-use creamer. For a moment I’m suddenly concerned about his memory, we’d already had this conversation in the car. I go to remind him of this, but before I can get a word out he clarifies. “I mean, what do you really do, y’know if you didn’t have to pay the bills?” No one has ever asked me this before, but I have spent my entire adult life thinking of the answer.

“Oh, well I write. Nothing published or anything, but I’ve always done it. If I had the time I’d probably do more of it, get better, maybe put something out for once.” The coffee is burnt, Sticks doesn’t seem to mind though. He takes large scalding gulps from his mug. I figure he’s the type who’s only in it for the caffeine, he’d drink anything as long as he gets his fix.

“What do you write?”

“I’ve dabbled in prose, screenwriting, some poetry here and there.” He nods at that last bit as if to say that I definitely look like someone who writes poetry, sensitive, detached, observant. I choose to take it as a compliment.

“Any interest in journalism? Interviews and such?”

“I mean sure I’ve considered it, but I’ve never really had the luxury of choice. Writers don’t make much money and I don’t have rich parents or anything so,” I let it drag, following my dreams has never really been an option and what-ifs only serve as fuel for my depression.

“Did you go to college?”

“No.” He frowns then with both of his massive hands wrapped around the mug, I can tell a picture has begun to form in his mind of what my life has possibly entailed. I drop his gaze then out of what I think is shame and we sit for a moment as he analyzes me.

“Well, if you’re interested I’ve got a proposition for you,” he says in an unexpectedly cheerful tone.

“Like a job?” I find this hard to believe by the state of him, what could some drunk salesman possibly offer? “I’m not really looking for anything part-time.”

“Oh no this would be a full time gig, it would require you to travel though and a bit of research, but you’d be writing.” His food arrives, causing him to sit up straight while our server sets his plates on the table. In the few seconds it takes Sticks is quiet, eyeing me for signs of interest. “You good with that? I’ll be covering your expenses of course, we’ll make sure you’re taken care of.” I’m thinking, Who is we? it’s all over my face, but he’s focused on his food now. Elbows on the table supporting the weight of his torso he shovels a forkload of potatoes and eggs into his mouth and doesn't wait to swallow before speaking again. “I know this feels sudden, it is and you don’t have to say anything now, but the job is yours if you want it.”

I’m stunned, the alarm bells are ringing again. It’s all too convenient. I have no idea who this person is, nor he me so why even suggest this? Because I gave him a ride? I can’t believe it. Still I’m intrigued, there’s no need to reject him outright, may as well suss the situation a bit.

“You haven’t exactly told me what I’d be doing.” His eyebrows jump upward and he coughs, nearly choking on his food.

“You’re right about that, there I go again getting ahead of myself.” He raises a finger and then with his other hand wipes at his mouth with a napkin. “Let me ask you something, you’ve heard of NYX I assume?”

“Yeah man, who hasn’t?”

“Ever try it?”

“Before my time, it disappeared when I was a kid.” He nods, as if for the first time actually processing my age in relation to his own.

“Well, believe it or not that actually makes you more suited for this. It’s something you oughta know.” As if I didn’t know, as if I don’t live in the wake of it.

“So you want me to research the Languor?” He takes a couple of bites and then leans back with a groan, a pinky finger rises instinctively toward the gold tooth for a quick polish. The words he says next are at a low baritone, nearly a growl.

“The Languor, for what it was to you, has already been done and I think I’m ready to put it behind me. There’s something I need before I can do that, you see...” There is sweat building at his brow, possibly from all the meat he’d just consumed. “This disease, this languor, it didn’t always stick. Y’know originally they thought that if it got ya, it got ya. There’s no coming back and that’s the tragedy of the thing ain’t it? We’ve sold that story ta shit, but here’s the thing, I’ve done my research here and there are at least fifty living people who have recovered fully with no lingering symptoms. I want you to find them, interview them, get me their stories.”

“Why me? You don’t even know if I can actually write.” He huffs.

“Doesn’t really matter as long as you take decent enough notes and record the interviews— That doesn’t mean don’t write the thing, but if we need to punch it up we can. I’m offering you an opportunity to try here.” Against my better judgment I start to believe him.

“And I can write it however I want? Full creative control?”

“Go crazy, just get me something usable.” With another groan he shifts his weight reaching into his back pocket to withdraw a phone. He taps at the screen a few times and I feel the buzz in my lap. “That’s my info, I’ll have a contract drawn up just call me in a couple days with your answer, sound good?”

#nyx #nostalgia #slice of life #black literature #black art #creative writing #creatives #anxiety #authors #short story #writeblr #writers of tumblr #writing community #writing

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mazthegreatandpowerful · 1 year

Text

I used to use my tumblr as a way to send my thoughts out without people I know starting drama or whatever so I’m gonna do that now and just talk about my depression and my band and my marriage.

I’ve been in a band with my best friends since I was 15, I’m now 28. We haven’t played a show since 2018(ish?) and have been struggling to get back into the groove for years because we’re all grown ups now. Our frontman is bipolar and has had several fights with me about my wife since we’ve gotten together, he feels like she hates him and she feels like he doesn’t respect me or my band or our time. I’ve tried for years to get them to get over it, but there’s always some vitriol between them no matter what.

Yesterday my wife was talking loudly to me during practice about our frontman’s reliability issues, and said it was disrespectful for him to be consistently late, and it was shitty of him to show up to the last practice drunk (which is a longer story, but the gist of it is that he’s not allowed to be at my house drunk because he’s been an asshole to my wife). He heard her through the wall and left practice without a word, and later texted me for hours about how insulted he was and how bad he deserves an apology, all the while talking me down and treating me like shit. And while at the end of the discussion he settled down and apologized for being an asshole, it doesn’t make it so he wasn’t an asshole, and it doesn’t make it so that I feel like he’s not gonna do that again the second he feels challenged, because he’s done it several times since I got married. I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells to keep him from popping off, and that doesn’t feel good.

Frankly, I know that everyone in the band wants to smooth things over, but I’m pissed about it, and I don’t want anything to do with it. I’m not a very spiteful person and I’m bad at holding people accountable, and I’m afraid of conflict, and I’m generally unhappy with myself about a lot of stuff, but I feel like I deserve better than to be belittled by my “best friend” until he gets his way. It’s shitty that he thinks he can just talk down to people and be exonerated, and if my bandmates roll over and let him do what he wants I’m probably going to quit my band.

That sucks, because these are really my very best friends, I love them like brothers and I don’t want to lose my band I’ve been working on for almost half my life. But also, I’ve been disenchanted for a long time with music and my band, and I feel like I’ve outgrown a lot of what we’ve done and been doing for years. Frankly, I’m not sure I even want to make music anymore, and it’s been that way for a while. Growing up is really hard because you take your dreams and essentially you have to get very lucky or settle at some point, and I don’t think I can make it in music, I think my time has passed and I should probably let go of that dream. Which is hard, cuz it’s all I’ve ever wanted ya know?

But also, if I’m making music, I think I deserve to be making it with people who respect my time, respect me, and know how to have the hard conversations without intentionally trying to hurt each other. I play music because it makes me happy, and I haven’t been happy playing music for a long time, and that’s really depressing. It’s depressing that I get so much pressure put on me to be the support for my friend, who “can’t do it without me” and “doesn’t want to get left behind”, because I don’t feel fulfilled by what I’m making and I feel trapped by it.

I guess that’s it. Maybe I’ll just take some time off to myself and make music when I want to on my own, so I can feel that sense of accomplishment when I make something I really like.

Whatever, if you’re here and reading still thanks for listening to me talk about how sad I am about art and friendships and growing up and growing apart.

I wrote a chorus a while ago that’s pretty simple but it kinda drives it all home for me, and you can hate it or say it’s dumb (I don’t think I’m a very good songwriter) but I’ll just put it at the bottom here

“Bummer

Get up for work every day

Bummer

Everyone goes, and nobody stays”

#personal #band drama

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