#han-seo angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

houpss · 1 month

Note

I urgently need you to write about what if SKZ are upset/crying

you write so well that I cry every time from your works, they break my heart :( You're born for angst ❤️‍🔥🫶🏻

SKZ feeling upset/crying

angst, fluff, consolation, tears

𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧

Chan cries often, but he does it alone.

Because...he shouldn't cry. That's what he thought.

Chan helps everyone, he gives advice to everyone... but he is not able to help himself.

He looks like a drowning man, but he is drowning in his problems, he is drowning in self-hatred.

Oh...he thinks that he is absolutely ugly, that he is always behind and that he is always bad.

Tears of desperate pain choke him as he covers his mouth with his hand and hugs his knees to his chest as he sits on his bed in his room.

He knew he wasn't worthy of the fans' love or your love. What did he do to deserve you?

He slowly and surely destroyed himself from the inside.

It will be late Friday evening, Chan has had a terrible day today. He made a few mistakes, he's very absent-minded

He came home and immediately burst into tears. He collapsed exhaustedly on the bed, his body trembling with shame and tears.

He lay down in a ball and covered himself with a blanket, he wants to hide from the whole world.

You arrived a little later than Chan. you tensed up because the apartment was quiet and dark.

You went through all the rooms, but didn’t find Chan there, although his shoes and bag were in the hallway.

Your heart sank when you saw him in the bedroom, you felt his pain on you.

You entered the room and sat down on Chan’s bed, Chan was lying on his side, covered with a blanket up to his head, he was breathing heavily and sobbing. You saw several drunk bottles of whiskey on the table, it seems things are bad. You stroked Chan’s head and back as he lay under the blanket. You rubbed his back again and again. Your heart ached with every tear he shed, it hurt too much. Chan feels your gentle touch and sobs loudly. Tears dampen the pillow, his body tenses for a moment, but then he slowly turns to you and looks at you with wet brown eyes, full of pain and regret. “Y/n...you shouldn't have seen this... I'm sorry...” his voice trembles, he tries his best to stop himself from screaming, “I don't want anything to happen in our relationship because of me- that’s bad... please forgive me" ..."Channie..please tell me everything that bothers you...I will help you" Tears flowed from his eyes, he sobbed loudly and squinted. Y/n ran thumb over his cheek, wiping away large tears, they looked like pearls. Chan felt disgusted with himself, he was disgusted by his appearance and existence. The sobs slowly subside under your touch, and Bang Chan looks at you with sad eyes, they beg for help, shining under the light. * “I can’t stand it anymore... I want to stop... please help me...” Chan's voice cracks. as he speaks quietly, not daring to look away. Y/n smiles at him tenderly, but doesn’t promise anything yet.

"I know how hard it is for you and how hard you try...you are such a wonderful person, Channie...my beloved wonderful man. Why don't you take a rest?" You spoke quietly, stroking Chan’s hair. Chan wanted to protest because there was too much work, but he felt like he was breaking down inside. Chan sighed and laid his head on Y/n’s chest, he didn’t want to say anything, they understood each other without words. They are connected at the soulmate level. He didn't want to think about work right now. They lay there for a while, and Y/n gently stroked her lover's hair. Chan felt warmth spread throughout his body as you whispered soft words of comfort, “Go to sleep, my love... We’ll figure it out tomorrow.” Eventually, Chan's sobs subsided and he fell asleep in your arms. Your love will heal him, it will give him redemption. You are his sin, but at the same time his protector, you are his eternal love. Thank you.

𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰

He is always strict with himself, he strives for an ideal that does not exist.

He literally wants to be the best everywhere and in everything.

He may be on strict diets, exhaust himself with dancing, or spend a lot of time in the gym. This all indicates that he feels bad in his soul.

He won't ask for help, he's not a weakling.

It will be evening, late evening in the dance studio, he is sitting on the floor and breathing heavily.

He worked out so much again for so long. His bones ached, his heart beat wildly, just a little more and he would collapse, but he wouldn’t stop.

Why do so many people underestimate him? Minho wants to be the best.

You will go into the studio and sit quietly next to him, resting your head on his shoulder. He won't notice you at first.

His mood will improve slightly when he sees you and rests his head on yours.

Y/n took his hand, squeezing it a little. You felt how tired Minho was, you felt that he was being destroyed from the inside, he needed help. Minho intertwined his fingers with yours and his breathing calmed down a little “Y/n, it’s late, go home” He said, straightening his wet hair from sweat. "I was expecting you, you've been training all day." "You know the comeback is coming soon and I can't—"

You stop him and stroke his face, he looks like an upset cat. You straighten the strands of hair that fell on his forehead, “I know, but if you go on stage like this, STAY won’t be happy...take care of yourself first.”

He wants to argue with you, he doesn’t want to seem weak. He would never be weak, “Y/n, it’s really okay,” but when he tried to stand up, his legs gave way and the pain in his hip intensified. You jumped up after him so he could lean on you. "Don’t be a hero, Min, we’ll BOTH go home now,” he wants to object again, but the pain in his thigh intensifies and he makes a face, allowing him to be led to the sofa. You ran for the first aid kit, giving him painkillers.

"I will remind you of this, Y/n" he grins through the pain, but allows himself to lean on you and lead him to the manager's car. He is grateful to you, maybe he will start to feel better about himself. In the car, he takes you to his side and kisses you on the the top of the head.

𝐒𝐞𝐨 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐛𝐢𝐧

Changbin is rarely sad, he is always positive

Perhaps...he will be sad because some STAY don't like his appearance.

He will be quiet and taciturn, always looking at the phone screen.

One evening he comes up to you while you are preparing dinner and asks “Y/n...am I really that scary?”

You frown and don’t understand why he says that.

"Binnie, is something bothering you? You're handsome, baby."

He frowns and hands you the phone. He read the bad comments again.

You go up to him and pat him on the head, his head was at the level of your chest when he sat.

"Honey, antistay no one and you should ignore their words."

Before continuing, you handed Changbin his phone number, but with a post where there was a post where Changbin was considered the best. He is the best.

He will smile and lean towards you for a kiss.

He will shine all evening, he will be like the sun.

𝐇𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧

"Leave me the fuck alone for once"

Hyunjin will be furious, he was extremely annoyed by everything and everyone

As soon as he says this phrase, then you really should leave him alone.

He will pour out his sadness and melancholy in his paintings, he will completely throw all his emotions onto the canvas.

But

He will come to you later, but he will still be upset.

He will constantly talk about how terrible he is, how unworthy he is of your love, and may even question your relationship itself.

But he wasn't really asking you questions, he was just insecure and needed you to repeatedly tell him it was all bullshit.

You will run through his hair, stroking his cheeks and wiping away the tears from them.

Oh...it seems prince is a whiny boy.

Although fans believed that Hyunjin was perfect in everything, Hyunjin himself did not think so. He was absolutely afraid, he is afraid of everything.

He will wrap his long arms around your body while his head is on your chest, he quietly sobs and mutters something like: “please... don’t leave... don’t be disappointed in me.”

Give him love and care. Gentle kisses and long hugs will suit him.

He will cry for a long time, but because of his love for you.

Hyunjin is the sweetest person you've ever met. On the outside he is cold and inaccessible, but in reality he is vulnerable and soft.

Will fall asleep on you while you play with his hair.

"Sleep sweetly, my angel"

𝐇𝐚𝐧 𝐉𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠

Jisung wasn't as extroverted as everyone says

He is actually sad a lot, there are too many doubts in his head.

He may get upset over little things.

At one point it all resulted in tears.

You found him in tears in the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror and crying. He cried so hard and a lot.

His soul seems to be rotting from the inside.

“There is no loneliness worse than loneliness in society. Everyone laughs, but you want to cry.” This describes his life

You will hug him tightly while his limp arms cling to you.

He cries quietly in your arms, but does not explain the reasons. But you don’t ask him to tell you.

Even the funniest person can be broken at heart.

Jisung has lost his way out of his darkness.

He had not seen a way out for a long time. He was lost in the dark forest of his own thoughts.

need to live, not exist.

Will you be his light in this pain?

Then, Jisung will say for the first time that he appreciates you. Cherish these words until the last moment.

𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐅𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱

He tries not to be upset, because the sun is never sad.

Felix hides his upset under a smile.

But... he won't deceive you.

He is too open and soft with you

He will cuddle up to you and tell you everything, he will be open with you and tell you about all his experiences.

"You came and everything became better"

He feels good and calm with you. You are his sedative.

He is like a kitten that needs all the love and affection.

He will sob and talk about all the problems.

You gently stroke his back, sometimes stroke his head. Throughout his story, you give him tactility and kisses.

The sadness will soon go away and you will go bake brownies or some other sweet together.

After crying, his face is little reddish, his eyelashes are pinched and his lips are swollen...he is a crying angel.

You will fulfill his every wish in order to prevent his tears! You have to tell him a lot of exciting stories to make him smile.

He must love flowers. Give him a bouquet)

If one kiss was not enough, then ten, if ten were not enough, then a hundred and even more.

The sun is shining again, and your sun happily moves around the kitchen and cooks with you.

𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐦𝐢𝐧

You didn’t know the last time you saw Seungmin sad, he didn’t care about anything at all.

He is sad alone, but he often remembers you. Thinking about you gives him peace.

He listens to any music and looks at your photos. He thinks a lot

You never touch him when he's sad. You just give him your soft toy and a glass of water.

It will take him a few hours, but he will be completely back to normal.

Seungmin never shares his experiences, but you know everything that happens on a subconscious level.

Perhaps he likes to go for a walk when bad thoughts come over him.

Only then will he call you and ask you to come.

You will walk in silence, only his cold hand gave him away.

Surrounded by your scent and beautiful views, he felt better.

When you get home, help him change and lay your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

He will feel better.

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐉𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧

He hides his emotions.

No one needs to know how he feel.

Jeongin didn’t like unnecessary attention and didn’t talk much about his feelings.

But you know Jeongin from bones to toe.

He seems angry, but he is only upset in his heart.

Jeongin will be clingier than usual and won't talk much.

You ask what happened, and he will exhale heavily and try to tell you.

Jeongin's story will be a little incoherent, but he put his soul into his experiences.

You will help him solve his problems, because nuna/hyung always loves him!

He will feel better with your presence, as if you transferred your positive energy to him!

You will go for a walk, and then go shopping, because Jongin feels better when he buys new beautiful clothes.

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bunnliix-texts · 1 month

Text

Telling Stray Kids about your parents kicking you out

Some more angst, because I apparently make angsty text posts when I'm feeling down. But also the boys aren't assholes in this one, so that's a plus. I also tend to write these angsty texts about things I worry about, or have experienced in some way. I'm probably not the only one who worries about these things, and I hope that these texts can help you, like they help me.

warnings: reader gets kicked out, anxiety, kinda sad vibes for reader

Chan

Minho

Changbin

Hyunjin

Han

Felix

Seungmin

Jeongin

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charmercharm3r · 1 year

Text

Tender Tendencies

OT8

Masterlist

Synopsis: Stray Kids' softer moments.

BANG CHAN

He has little to no free time. But that's okay, you knew what you were getting into when you met him. Spending time in the studio with him for hours on end and calling it date night was a regular routine. You'd bring something to do, work, a video game, maybe a new hobby. One time, you even managed to crochet him a beanie during the many hours he was working and you were there keeping him company.

Sometimes, though, Chan gets so engrossed in his work that he forgets you're there. With his big, expensive headphones on, fingers tapping away at his sound board or clicking his computer, it's too easy to lose himself in the music.

But when he comes back to earth after hours of not speaking a word to each other, Chan turns around in his chair to see you laying on your stomach, feet swaying in the air and focused on the game on your phone. A relieved smile spreads across his lips when you don't even seem to notice where his attention was.

Not that he tries to gain it, he just likes to watch you quietly curse to yourself when you lose or giggle coming across a funny video. He watches over your shoulder as you tap the share button and type his name to send. Chan doesn't interrupt you, but you eventually feel his soft gaze and give him a pretty smile that extends into your eyes. "I sent you something! Watch it later when you're done with work."

Chan pretends he didn't watch you replay it a few times, pretends he didn't intentionally not say anything because he loves how relaxed and carefree you seem when no one's around but him, pretends not to feel the blush on his cheeks and ears because he's so enamored.

With a warm heart, "I will," and leans over to place a gentle kiss to your forehead.

LEE MINHO

Minho is a get up early, go to bed early kind of guy. He feels rather productive in the mornings, maybe too productive for his own good. He does his little work outs, freshens up, cooks breakfast and sets up the ingredients for a two-person meal for when he returns home. It was an unspoken rule between the two of you that he does the cooking and you'll do the cleaning up.

He never asked you to, though, fully meaning to wash the pots and pans as soon as he was done so that it was one less thing for you. But this time, he forgot. Minho was too excited to let you try this new recipe he'd been dying to test. One of his favorite things was the full bodily reaction he'd get when you ate his cooking, jumping in your seat slightly and shooting him a look of pleasureful surprise as you savored the bite.

So full and content, after the both of you were done Minho had let out a long sigh and excused himself to the bathroom. When he returned, the table was cleared and the sound of the sink was running in the kitchen.

Your hair was pulled back messily, ear phones hiding what music was making you do a cute little wiggle as you scrubbed the dishes. Just seeing you so domestic and happy, it made Minho's heart ache in the best way possible.

To give you a gentle warning he was there, he put his hand on the small of your back. Acknowledging him with a smile and small, "hi."

Wordlessly, Minho takes one of your headphones and puts it to his ear. "Show me your moves," he encourages, stealing the drying rag and helping you finish the chore.

SEO CHANGBIN

The self proclaimed gym expert he is, Changbin has always had the desire to work out with you. Your job was just very time consuming, almost as much as his. However, Changbin was active for a living so working out didn't require him to use as much of his reserved energy as it did you. It felt more mentally draining than anything to even think about going to the gym.

When he did finally convince you, he was so excited. You warned him that normal exercises would be hard for you since your body wasn't used to it the way his was, but he assured you that he'd help with the pace and wouldn't push too hard too fast.

Of course it was going to hurt the next day, you just didn't anticipate how much. The night of, Changbin instructed you to take a cold shower to soothe your muscles. It helped a little, definitely making the feeling of getting into your pajamas and snuggling next to him in bed just a little bit better and warmer than usual.

The next morning, you almost didn't want to get up to even use the bathroom because your legs were so sore. Being the gentleman he is, Changbin woke up so he could carry you to the toilet. He was going to retrieve you when the bathroom door swung open to reveal you holding onto it for dear life. Legs shaking to carry your body weight, Changbin helped guide you back to bed with a sympathetic smile.

As you fell face first into the sheets, he grabbed some icy-hot soothing gel from his gym bag, kindly maneuvering you onto your back. "You did so good yesterday, baby." His voice was so soft, gentle as he poured some into his hands and rubbed them together.

His big hands spread the gel over the expanse of your legs, massaging and rolling the knots out as best as he could without hurting you too badly. "No pain no gain, right?" You sighed through your gritted teeth.

It was almost as if you were convincing yourself that it was worth it, the exhaustion and soreness was worth the time you got to spend together. Hearts in his eyes, "that's right. Tomorrow... leg day."

HWANG HYUNJIN

He wouldn't call himself a tortured artist, no. By no means was he tortured, but moreso unsatisfied with his work. The pieces he liked, he barely liked. The ones he didn't, he despised. Hyunjin felt that way with all of his art, except when it was ones that were because of you.

The watercolor blue roses? You told him your favorite movie is The Corpse Bride. That landscape? That was the view of the walk you went on together when he asked if you'd take him as your boyfriend. There were the randomest sketches littering his desk because you'd say something or make a certain face and it'd inspire him, he had to get it out of his system some how.

A particularly difficult rough patch in his creative process convinced Hyunjin that his current medium of water color and acrylic paint wasn't meant for him. He had a habit of holding in his feelings until they burst, but he opened up to you eventually. You asked him if he wanted advice or just someone to listen, to which he answered, "both."

You suggested taking a break, looking away before it was all he could see, maybe even trying a new medium. Hyunjin took all your advice to heart, voicing his only problem was that starting a new medium can get pricey. There wasn't much either of you could do.

Or so he thought.

He was locked away in his mini art studio again, staring much too intently at the blank canvas. You knocked and let yourself in. Hyunjin only looked up when you put a hand on his shoulder and sat yourself in his lap. A few chaste kisses to his cheek, you suggested your thoughts. "White sand? That works?" You explained the research you found about the subject. Amidst your little ramble, Hyunjin couldn't help but look at you in awe.

"Think I went a little overboard when I was searching it up. I also looked for other things you could use, but this was the most convenient. I stopped by the art supply store on my way over here if you wanted to try. If not, I can just return it-"

"No!" He said a little to loudly, making you jump in his lap. "I mean, no. I'll use it. I want to." The little smile on your face was the loveliest thing he'd ever seen. The only thing that could've rivaled it was the pure happiness when he gave you a painting of the shore and white wash. It was the first one he'd finished in a long time and couldn't have been prouder, "thank you for always thinking of me."

HAN JISUNG

There was very little that this man couldn't do. The workaholic homebody he is, Jisung brings his music with him everywhere. That means even in the house, he has his headphones on or his phone is up to his ear listening to whatever it is he was working on.

It also means he has trouble taking care of himself. But who doesn't sometimes? You didn't find any trouble in doing some chores here and there to help him out, Jisung always found something to do to give back for your kindness.

The one thing Jisung wasn't, was a mechanic. Lyricist? Check. Producer? Check. Musical genius? Check. Knows how to fix a washing machine? Pass...

Your place was in desperate need of renovating. It was a lot of little things that wasn't really a big deal, just an inconvenience. The washing machine specifically was getting on your nerves.

With laundry building up and your busy boyfriend finally having time to spend with you, it was a matter of what could've possibly been the best way to manage your time. The issue was that the lid of your washing machine refused to close. The only solution you could find was to sit your entire body weight on it while the cycle continued. It's been an uncomfortable past few laundry days, to say the least.

Killing two birds with one stone, you suggested Jisung bring his laundry to your place to clean, that way you help him out a little while also helping yourself. He did so without thinking about it.

Jisung started to get concerned when you didn't come back from saying you were going to wash the clothes. That was forty five minutes ago. Upon searching for you, Jisung found you with your legs criss-crossed on top of the washer, scrolling through your phone. He tilted his head at you and asked what you were doing. When you explained to him your dilemma, he was confused. Why hadn't you told him? Why were you bearing this burden by yourself? How were you still kind enough to offer to do his laundry knowing this was what you had to do?

Putting his phone away, Jisung joined you in the laundry room, standing in front of you and leaning into your lap. "What are we watching?"

"There's still fifteen minutes left on the cycle, you don't have to wait with me," you protested but still took him into your arms.

"Fifteen minutes more I get to spend with my favorite person."

LEE FELIX

Hugs are basically a second language to him, going in for one every chance he gets. When Felix hugs you, he doesn't let go. It wasn't obvious at first why he never did. You just assumed that it was because he liked skinship.

Yes, that was true. But it was also because he loved the way you smelled. Fresh out of the shower, just got back from work, sweaty from a run, it didn't matter, you always smelt good to him. He held on long enough to get a good whiff of your scent no matter the occasion.

For that reason, he hated laundry day. The smell of the detergent always washed away the smell of you, meaning Felix was all over you until his hoodies and shirts could've been mistaken for yours by anyone else.

Also for the same reason, Felix goes out of his way to buy bottles of your favorite perfume specifically for when you can't be together. He keeps a travel sized version of it in his bag for long days at the company, when he has to go overseas, or when he just misses you. Felix sprays it on his own clothes and pillows, holding it tightly to his body and pretending you're there with him.

He came back to your place after a week without seeing you, the travel bottle almost half empty now. The initial embrace lasted so long that you were almost dreaming he was in your arms. Then you got a whiff of what definitely wasn't his usual cologne.

When you asked him about it, Felix just laughed and pulled out the mini perfume from his bag. "You don't recognize it? It's yours."

"You say it like it was supposed to be obvious," you grin, fully blushing.

"It's so obvious I should be embarrassed. I'm not, how could I when you smell so good?"

KIM SEUNGMIN

Seungmin isn't necessarily averse to fashion, he knows what he likes. It just so happens that he favors the oversized look. There's also specific brands that he buys from more than others. His closet consists of so many basics that no matter what he pulls out, he can make an outfit in minutes.

That's why he loves getting ready with you in the morning. You get up before him since you typically take longer. When you're done and picking out your clothes, Seungmin always asks if you could choose his outfit as well, always reassuring that he'll love no matter what you pick.

He wears the outfit proudly every day. When one of the members compliments something he's wearing, he tells them that you chose it for him. It's his way of showing you off, even if you aren't there.

When you are with him, Seungmin's usually asking you to wear his clothes, too. Showering at his place, he makes sure to give you one of his shirts even if you brought your own pajamas. Another way to show you off. If you happen to run into one of the members in the hallway wearing his shirt, they make a point to tell you that they liked the outfit you picked out for him. Though, it's usually something more like, "you dress him better than he dresses himself."

"And they're right," Seungmin says, kissing your forehead. "Except you wear my clothes better than anyone."

YANG JEONGIN

His job doesn't end, even when he goes home. Jeongin feels this way just about all the time. Having to take off his stage outfits, his makeup, wash his face, the time it takes to shower, seems like it drags on all night long.

By the time he gets to having to apply his skin care, Jeongin's eyes are closing and is on the verge of falling asleep. Coming back into his room, you're waiting to greet him. As much as he wants to match your cheerfulness, he just can't. So he falls onto his back without so much as putting on moisturizer.

"I brushed my teeth, at least," he tiredly jokes, forcing his eyes open to watch you pace around his room. You were grabbing his usual night time essentials, putting them on the bed beside him and climbing onto his lap. You sat on his torso, preparing his step by step routine. "What're you doing?"

"Finishing up for bed," you reply, telling him to get comfortable.

Slowly and gently, you apply the essences to his skin. Jeongin hums as you massage his face, hands resting on the tops of your thighs and not letting go. He doesn't even as you finish and set the bottles aside. "Just need chapstick," you whisper, moving to get up.

Jeongin pulls you back down, peaking his eyes open to bring you down for a kiss. It's soft and sensual, unrushed and purely just feeling you. He sleepily hums again against your lips, reluctant to pull away no matter how close to drifting off he is.

By the time you do, he's rubbing his lips together, "mmm, cherry flavored."

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leviackermanscleaningbuddy · 2 months

Text

SKZ DRABBLE-OT8

The one where the fire department is called. And Nirvana might not just be a word on a hoodie. or The twenty-sixth installment of the Skz!Pack Prequel series.

Tags: SKZ, Stray Kids, Stay, SKZ!Pack, Pack!prequel, ot8, bang chan, lee minho, seo changbin, hwang hyunjin, lee felix, han jisung, kim seungmin, yang jeongin, skz smut, skz fluff, skz angst, skz imagines, skz reactions, skz scenarios, abo, a/b/o, skz abo, alpha beta omega, femreader, poly!skz

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Light Smut

Title: Emergency Stop

12 Hours Earlier

Chan sighs heavily and leans back in his chair, spinning a few aimless circles as he lets his gaze wander across the tiled ceiling of the student studio.

He listens to the sound of fingers clicking across keyboards, the quiet hum of equipment, and then announces finally, to no one in particular, just to get it off his chest, “I think she’s avoiding me.” Hongjoong pulls his headphones off his ears, letting them drop down around his neck, as he turns from his current project to stare at Chan in exasperation, one dark brow arched.

“I think that’s a little dramatic, mate.”

“Wellllllll-” Changbin hems from the other side of the room, a grimace going across his features, as he swivels in his chair to face them, not quite meeting Chan’s gaze.

Chan bolts upright, his voice loud with triumph. “Ah ha! I knew it!”

“Oh my goood.” Hongjoong groans, scrubbing at his face with his hands, before he must decide that they’re not worth the trouble, turning back to his computer and pulling his headphones back up- on both ears this time.

Changbin’s lips twist to the side in an obvious guilt ridden expression, his dark eyes finally meeting Chan’s.

Chan feels his stomach drop as he regards his best friend and packmate’s worry.

“What?” He asks, suddenly breathless, leaning forward in the office chair, his alpha suddenly on high alert. “What did I do? How did I fuck it up? You gotta tell me how to fix it, Bin, it’s fucking with my head.”

Changbin reaches up to rub at the back of his neck, Chan recognizes the nervous gesture, and clears his throat, his eyes darting around the room, as if trying to focus on anything except the man in front of him.

“You didn’t do anything, hyung. I swear to god, but I can’t tell you anything else, because (Y/N) will fucking eat me alive.”

“She is pretty fucking scary.” Hongjoong chimes in once more, glancing over his shoulder at Chan, his fingers paused on the mouse. “Almost in Seonghwa’s league. Almost.”

Chan glances back to Changbin, who is nodding avidly along in agreement with what the other alpha is saying.

Chan’s alpha is growling at his mate’s resistance, at the way he’s holding back, even if he knows how to fix this whole mess, but he takes in a deep, steadying breath, and clamps his hands in his lap, willing the angry wolf back down.

“Bin.” He tries again, glancing back to the other man, his voice steady, calm, imploring. “You gotta tell me something. If I don’t know what’s wrong, I can’t fix it, and I’m going crazy over here.” Changbin’s chest heaves with a sigh, and then he swallows, Chan watches the way his Adam's apple bobs, as he looks up to the ceiling, as if for some form of silent approval.

Finally, he sighs again, audibly this time, and rakes a hand agitatedly through his dark hair.

“Fine.”

Chan feels his entire body tense, waiting on what comes next.

He can sense a headache starting to pound to life behind his left eye.

He doesn’t know if it’s because of the current situation, or because he hasn’t really seen you much over the last week, and his alpha is taking direct note of the loss of contact.

Changbin shakes his head slightly to himself, as if he can’t believe what he’s going to say, going to reveal, and then he grits out, “She’s worried about something she said.”

Chan’s mind races, going over every tiny interaction the two of you have had in the last week and a half.

Nothing significant comes to mind.

“What?” He asks, puzzled, as if Changbin can reveal the clues to him.

Instead, the other alpha gives a half hearted shrug.

“I dunno, hyung. She wouldn’t tell me anything besides that. I’m sorry, man.”

Chan shakes his head, still analyzing every time you’ve spoken, or interacted, since he saw you during Jeongin’s heat.

Honestly, it wasn’t much, considering you’d been avoiding him at all costs.

He manages a weak grin, and stands, walking over to pat Changbin on the back.

“Nah, it’s fine, mate. Thanks for telling me that much. I’ll figure it out.”

Changbin glances up at him, expression unreadable, and gives a curt nod, already reaching for his headphones again.

“She feels things really fucking deeply. Deeper than the rest of us. Sometimes she just needs a little space to figure it out. But she cares about you, hyung. A lot. She wouldn’t be this fucking worried if she didn’t.”

Chan grips his shoulder a little tighter, a silent sign of acknowledgement, and goes back to his own work station.

He knows Changbin’s right. Knows he speaks from experience.

So why is his stomach still in knots?

*******

Fuck.

Your eyes dart around the small kitchen, helplessly looking for an escape route, before they settle on the two men sitting at the table, staring you down.

You clear your throat, and try to work up an easy smile.

“You were talking about me? I’m flattered Min.”

Minho’s smirk widens, growing sharp and dangerous, as if he knows exactly what you’re trying to do.

You’re sure he does.

He pats the chair beside him, in the middle of he and Chan.

“Have a seat.”

You can’t think of literally anything worse in this moment, your skin already hot underneath Chan’s stare, your fingers itching at your side, your alpha begging you to please get the fuck out of here already.

You take a step backward, back toward the safety of the hallway.

“That’s okay, I actually was just leaving to go on a run.”

Minho’s brow arches a little higher.

“At eleven PM?”

There is amusement in his tone, as if he knows he’s caught you in an outright lie.

You give a little shrug, and take another step toward the door.

“I do my best running at night. Must be the wolf in me.”

You don’t dare look at Chan, not when he’s right here, staring at you, expression unreadable. He hasn’t said one word since you entered the room, and you can practically feel your body withering from the shame of his heavy gaze.

It’s like he can see right through you, and you need to get out of here, right now.

“Anyway-” You’re halfway into the hallway now, the front door, your shining savior, within sight. You give the men a little wave and another unconvincing, weak smile. “-gotta go. Have fun.”

You dart for the front door, nearly bowling an emerging Jisung over, sending his popcorn flying.

“Hey!” He protests with a glare in your direction, but you don’t stop, tugging on your sneakers with record speed, before you barrel out the door of the apartment.

“Sorry, Jisungie!” You call over your shoulder, because you are, but honestly, in times of crisis-

You can breathe easier out here, in the quiet darkness of the dorm hallway, even though you’re still practically jogging, headed directly for the elevator.

You’re making a beeline for your dorm a few floors down, and you’re staying locked up in there until Chan decides to leave.

Well, not leave, because he lives here too, but at least until he decides to go back to his own kitchen and stop talking to Minho about whatever the hell they were discussing.

You slide through the gap of the doors in the elevator before they’re fully open, and pound the second floor button a few more times than necessary, catching your breath as you wait for the doors to close.

They’re almost down to a sliver, and you think you’ve gotten away with your hasty escape, when an arm shoots through, bouncing them back open, and Chan steps into view.

Immediately, the breath you’ve just regained leaves your body, as he joins you in the elevator, the doors hissing shut quietly behind him.

There’s silence, the space suddenly feeling smaller than normal, as you stare him down warily from your corner.

“What-” You start to say, in an attempt at least to fill the uncomfortable quiet, but Chan beats you to it.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He demands, dark eyes flashing, as the elevator jolts into motion.

You brace yourself against the wall, your mouth dropping open at his serious, commanding tone.

“I’m not avoiding you-” You start to protest weakly, the lie sounding unconvincing to even your own ears.

“Bullshit” Chan cuts you off once more with a growl, taking a menacing step toward you, and suddenly, you know, you’re not dealing with Christopher Bang any longer, you’re dealing with his alpha.

His irrational, incredibly pissed off and slighted alpha.

Fuck.

The elevator feels tiny now, saturated with the scent of thunder, and you swallow hard, your own alpha flattening its ears in response.

The sound of a ding signals the arrival of the next floor, and before you can make a move to do something, anything, Chan reaches behind him without a glance, and slams his palm down over the emergency stop button.

The elevator grinds to a sudden halt with an eerie shriek of gears, and then there is silence, all movement ceased.

Your mouth falls open once more, but you feel your own anger flare to life in the pit of your stomach, rising to meet his.

“Chan, what the fuck do you think you’re doing-”

He stalks toward you, and you shrink back into the corner, the cool metal of the hand bar digging into your back.

“Exactly what I should’ve done when this whole nonsense started.” He growls, caging you in as he puts his hands on either side of your head, fingers digging into the slick, cool brushed metal of the elevator’s walls as he glares down at you.

You’re choking on the storm now, your heart pounding against the wall of your ribs.

But you hold your ground regardless, lifting your head as defiance flashes across your gaze, and frost starts to crackle outward from you, freezing the storm.

“Oh? And what’s that? Emergency stop an elevator in a little temper tantrum?”

His dark eyes flash, and a muscle ticks in his jaw, but his voice is steady when he responds.

“If I have to trap you in a room with me to get you to talk over things like an adult, like my mate, then yes.”

You scoff, looking away from his burning gaze.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“That’s not what Changbin said.”

Your head jerks up, your angry gaze meeting his.

“Fuck Changbin.”

“I do, and I enjoy it.” Chan fires right back without missing a beat, crowding you into the corner further, his scowl deepening. “But that’s not what we’re here to talk about, is it?”

“I’m not. Avoiding you.” You grind out through gritted teeth, your jaw clicking with the immense pressure of keeping your rage back.

It’s a blatant lie, and you both know it.

Chan’s eyes darken, dripping golden around the pupils now, and when he parts his lips, his teeth flash in what’s almost a snarl, dangerous and threatening.

You can practically feel his alpha’s teeth poised warningly over your exposed throat.

You don’t think you’ve ever seen him this angry before.

“You think-” He begins, and his voice has dropped dangerously, a menacing growl in the back of his throat, a rumble in his chest. “-that even if I was stupid enough not to notice, he wouldn’t?”

Your lips part, ready to spit something back, but something about his words ring true in the hollow pit of your stomach.

He’s right. You could avoid him all you wanted, but your alpha, and his, would know. They were the ones who were suffering because of the distance, keening for their mates.

Fuck, if it was hell for the two of you, it was fucking torture for them.

Chan’s gaze hasn’t wavered from your own, not once, and when he speaks again, his words are just above a murmur, and you don’t miss the way his breath trembles on his next inhale.

“I can’t fucking sleep, (Y/N.) I can’t eat, I can’t study, I can’t produce, I can’t do anything, because every single waking moment is spent trying to figure out what I did wrong and how to fix it.”

You feel guilt drop like a hot pound of lead into the pit of your stomach.

You lean your head back on the wall behind you, and meet his gaze head on, your voice quiet, but steady, when you reply back, “It wasn’t anything you did.”

Confusion starts to pool into his expression, easing some of the anger, and you feel your own fury start to melt away like sand with the tide, leaving your body tired and heavy.

“Then why?” He questions back, gaze boring into your own.

You sigh, and glance behind him to the still blinking emergency stop button, wondering how much time you have before someone notices the elevator hasn’t moved and calls the fire department to rescue the two of you.

That’s all you need right now. Better hurry this up.

“I said something.” You announce without preamble, shifting your gaze to meet his own once more, sudden fear rising like bile in your throat. You force through the feeling, and swallow hard. “The day you asked me for help during Jeongin’s presentation.” Chan watches you closely, silently, and you give a little shrug and half a laugh-it’s awkward, and fleeting, and leaves the space in between you feeling heavier than before.

“And I wasn’t sure if what I’d said-what I’d admitted-made you feel weird. I was scared I’d messed shit up, and I wanted to give you space to deal, if that was the case.”

Chan cocks his head-the motion is endearing, like a puppy-and you resist the urge to reach up and push some of the curls back off his forehead with your fingers.

Confusion is clear on every inch of his features now.

“What did you-” He starts to ask, and then something clicks behind his expression, his eyes going wide and his jaw going slack. “Oh, you mean the love thing.” “Oh my god.” You groan, covering your face with your hands, already feeling your cheeks heat up. “Do we have to call it that?”

When you peek back through your fingers, Chan is smiling, his lips pulled crookedly to one side, the gold fading slowly from his gaze.

“That’s why you were avoiding me? You were worried about that?”

“Yes!” You shriek,a little bit louder than necessary, and Chan’s grin widens even more. “I mean, that’s a fuck of a thing to announce to someone out of the blue, when they’re already dealing with a ton of shit and I didn’t know how you’d take it.”

Chan tilts his head, regarding you. “But you’ve already told me you love me. Once before. Remember?”

You stare at him like he’s just grown another head, and then it clicks.

“That didn’t count!” You cough out, choking on your own spit, waving your hands wildly as you try to regain your breath. “That was like a post fuck thing, I was feeling sappy, I just threw it out there to everyone in general, you guys had just saved me and given me the best orgasm of my life and it wasn’t-” “True?” Chan finishes for you, though there’s no hurt on his face, only slight amusement.

“No!” You protest, growing angry again as you grow more flustered by the second. “It was true, it just wasn’t so-”

“Direct?” Chan tries once again, watching you closely.

“Yeah.” You finish helplessly, your shoulders slumping.

Chan gives a little laugh, and slides one of his large hands down the elevator wall to grip your chin in his fingers, raising your embarrassed gaze to his once more.

His expression softens, the corners of his mouth settling into an affectionate smile, as you struggle a little and try to resist his gaze.

“Baby. Look at me.”

You finally do as he says, reluctantly meeting his eyes, and he arches a brow at you.

The air between you is heavy with ice and storm, but it doesn’t feel so oppressive now.

In fact, the headache you’ve been battling all week seems to be miraculously gone.

Chan’s lips twitch, and you huff at him a little, folding your arms across your chest at his obvious amusement in your sheepishness.

“Listen. If it hasn’t been incredibly fucking clear since the first time I met you that I’m head over heels for you, then I must not be doing enough to prove it to you.”

Your own lips twitch into the hint of a smile then, and you begrudgingly uncross your arms from your chest.

“No, you’re doing enough. Trust me. Following me around like a little lost puppy when I openly hated your guts for the first couple of weeks definitely sold it.”

Chan laughs, and the sound sends warmth cascading down your body.

Your tired muscles feel a little more manageable now.

Chan leans in, and rests his forehead against yours.

You take a moment to breathe him in, and then he murmurs, breath warm on your face, “Now, say it again, but don’t run away this time.”

You smirk, keeping your eyes closed as you whisper back, “There’s not really anywhere for me to go. You saw to that.”

He chuckles, breath fanning across your skin, but doesn’t move to pull away.

You take in a deep breath, and let your hands skim up the warm length of his arms, letting your fingers take him in for a moment, before you breathe out, “I love you, Christopher Bang. Even though I hated your guts, and fucked up a couple of huge things, and you trapped me in an elevator with you-twice, I might add, against my will-I love you, and I don’t think that’s ever not been true.”

Chan opens his eyes, and you stare into the golden flecks of his irises, before he pulls back, and his lips curve into the start of a smirk.

“Now, was that so hard?”

You swing an arm out and hit him lightly in the chest, giving him a fake glare.

“Say it back.”

He grins, and leans in, caging you with his forearms once more against the cool metal behind your head, his nose brushing your own.

“I fucking love you, (Y/N), I always have. Even when you hated my guts. In fact, in retrospect, I think that made me love you even more.”

You giggle, and Chan covers your mouth with his without warning, swallowing the sound.

You let your hands trace up his back and into his hair, fingers tangling in his curls, as he flicks his tongue between the seam of your lips and into your waiting mouth.

The sharp points of his canines graze and tug at your bottom lip, and you moan, breaking the kiss as you let your head fall back to the wall behind you, breathing heavily, as Chan presses kisses down your jaw, the column of your throat, tickling and teasing your skin as he nibbles your collarbone, traces your scent gland with his tongue.

“They’re gonna send the fire department after us, you know.” You gasp out, gaze flicking beyond him once more to the flashing button on the wall, as he drops to his knees in front of you, fingers finding your hip bones.

Chan looks up at you, lips red and kiss bitten, a grin stretching the pink skin over white teeth.

He arches a brow.

“Lucky for you, baby, they’re not incredibly known for their fast response time, and I’m a fairly quick worker.”

You reach out a hand to stop him as he reaches for the closure of your pants, and when he looks up at you in confusion, your lips lift into a smirk.

“What if I told you I wanted to take my time?”

His lips slowly lift into a wicked grin of his own.

“I think we can make that happen.”

********

Your apartment is closer than Chan’s (by one floor, but hey, a floor is a floor), so after apologizing to some severely annoyed alphas who were waiting on the stalled elevator, you push through your front door and Chan doesn’t wait a second before he pounces.

He backs you against the wall of the hallway, his hands dropping to your waist once more, his mouth already on yours.

His tongue swipes around the inside of your mouth, and you groan into him. “About that taking our time thing-”

Chan chuckles huskily, the sound going right to your core, and if you weren’t already incredibly wet before, you sure as hell are now.

There’s a quiet sound behind the two of you and you freeze, leaning up to glance over Chan’s shoulder, suddenly on full alert.

“Jeongin?”

Chan follows your gaze, your mouth open in shock, to the omega standing beside the front door, waving sheepishly to the two of you, his cheeks almost as red as his hair.

“Hey, noona.”

You slip out beneath Chan’s arm and approach him, surprise clearly etched across your face.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was waiting for you.” Jeongin gives a little shrug, but he won’t meet your eyes, embarrassment clear on his pretty features. “You said later earlier and I thought-”

Oh. Fuck.

You let out a sigh, suddenly feeling more than a little remorseful. “Sorry, Innie. I was hanging out at Minho’s and then Chan was there-”

Jeongin glances down, scuffing his shoe into the worn carpet. “No, it’s fine, noona. I was just gonna sneak out when I heard the two of you, but I should’ve known I had no chance when up against a wolf’s hearing.”

His hand reaches for the doorknob, and without thinking, you reach out and stop him.

“Wait-” You swallow, his large, dark eyes flicking to you in surprise. “I mean. You can join us? If you want?”

Jeongin stares at you, his pupils huge.

“What?” Chan approaches, his hand going on your shoulder as he addresses Jeongin. “Yeah, Innie. It’s up to you, but we don’t mind-”

You notice the way Chan reaches up to rub his neck as he speaks, as if he’s just as nervous over this as Jeongin is.

“Don’t feel any pressure.” You hurry to reassure the omega standing in front of you. “I know you don’t have much experience, and one alpha on a good day is a lot, so if this is too overwhelming-”

Jeongin bites his lip and glances between the two of you. Finally, he says hesitantly, voice barely above a whisper, “I think I’d like that. But-” He takes in a nervous breath. “Can I just watch for a little bit first? Would that be okay?”

You smirk. “Oh, so you’re one of those?”

Jeongin instantly flushes, and you rush to reassure him you were only teasing, looping an arm around his shoulders as you lead him back toward your room, Chan following on your heels.

“I’m just kidding, baby. There’s nothing wrong with a little voyeurism. Minho loves to watch.”

“He also loves to boss.” Chan says with a slight smirk, as he steps ahead of you and pushes open the closed door, allowing you both to pass first into the room.

“That he does.” You laugh a little, and then turn to Jeongin. “Okay, pup. Pick your poison.”

Jeongin glances around, clearly still a little shy given the circumstances, and then he settles into the desk chair in the corner of your room, opposite the bed. He pulls his knees up to his chest and nods. “Okay. Just pretend I’m not here.”

Chan has come to stand against your back, tickling his fingers up and down your spine, brushing his nose across the juncture of your throat, and at Jeongin’s words, he groans, and you feel him press into you from behind. He’s still clearly worked up from before, the momentary pause hasn’t even phased him.

“That’s gonna be pretty hard to do when you smell so fucking good, pup.”

Jeongin looks wide eyed at Chan’s throaty admission, and leans over to not so subtly sniff his own shirt. “I don’t smell anything crazy.”

Chan growls in his throat, and you smirk, reaching back to palm him through his jeans. He bucks his hips up into your hand, his fingers digging into your shoulders.

“That’s because you’re used to how you smell, but you’re kinda blooming, Innie. It means your omega has sensed the presence of alphas-pack alphas-and is desperately trying to get our attention.”

“Oh.” Jeongin murmurs, looking suddenly small. “I’m sorry, I can leave-” He makes a move to get up.

“Sit down.” You command, and his pupils dilate at the sound of your timber, but he does as he’s told. You soften your tone a little. “You’re fine, Innie. You’re not going to distract from anything. If anything, your scent is going to make this all the more enjoyable.”

Chan’s teeth graze over your scent gland, and you glance back at him, arching your brow. “Eager, are we?”

Chan growls again, the sound a low rumble against your back, and snakes his hand around your waist, letting his fingers find the inside of your thighs. He applies pressure with the palm of his hand, and you arch your back in response, letting out a quick hitch of breath.

“Very.” He replies, licking a stripe up the side of your neck with his tongue, tasting you.

You turn to face him, your eyes flashing gold to match his own, but before you fully lose yourself in him, you glance once more at the omega over your shoulder, saying in a soft, serious tone, “Innie, if you want us to stop at any point, say something, and we will. Without hesitation.”

He nods. “Yes, noona.” His eyes are wide, and his tongue darts out to wet his lips as he watches Chan pull you toward the bed.

“Sit down.” Chan orders you, much like you had commanded Jeongin earlier, and you do so, but not without a slight smirk in his direction.

“I’m not going to make this easy.” You warn, settling onto the edge of the bed, your expression wicked.

Chan knocks apart your knees and stands between your legs, a look of annoyance on his features. One hand tangles into your hair and he yanks your head back, forcing you to look at him, as the other hand comes to loosely wrap around the front of your throat.

You feel your pulse quicken under his hold.

“Don’t play that game, pet. Not right now. You already made me wait far too fucking long already.” Chan lifts his lips into the hint of a snarl, and the flash of his sharp canines has your inner thighs slick with want.

He slides his hand slowly up the column of your throat, finally letting his fingers find purchase beneath your chin, tilting your head back even further.

“But you know that already, don’t you?” He murmurs, staring down at you with something akin to a hungry predator in his dark gaze.

You swallow beneath the hold he has on your throat, and arch a brow pettily in response. “Care to remind me?”

Chan’s lips curl, and another animalistic growl slips through the barrier of his teeth.

You hear Jeongin let out a sharp exhale from the corner, but you don’t look over.

Your entire body is electrified, waiting for Chan’s next move.

“I could remind you who you belong to-” Chan muses, eyes flashing golden as he stares at you. “-but I don’t think that’s necessary, do you?”

He leans down, and without warning, slips a hand down underneath the band of your pants.

His fingers immediately touch your heat, and just by the look of satisfaction that flickers across his features, you can tell he feels just how wet you are already.

He pulls back, and holds up his slick, glistening fingers for you to see with a cock of his head.

“I think you already know.” He repeats in a low tone, advancing toward you now, backing you onto the bed, until he’s straddling you, leaning over your prone form. “Don’t you?”

“Yes.” You breathe out, tired of playing already, tired of staying away from him.

“Yes what?” He prods, lips curling up into the hint of a dangerous smirk, as he moves to strip you of your clothes.

“Yes, daddy.”

Chan freezes, his pupils blowing at the nickname, and a muscle in his jaw ticks, as if he’s silently fighting himself for control, his hands curling into fists beside you on the bed.

You openly smirk up at him. “Oh, I knew you’d like that one. You know, given your certain proclivities.”

His irises are completely drowning in gold now, his lips parted slightly as he stares down at you, his breath coming in harsh pants, his chest heaving.

Still smirking, you roll your head to the side and find Jeongin in your line of sight, arching a brow in the omega’s direction.

“Did you catch that, Innie? When he was fucking you through your presentation?” Your voice is smooth like butter, dripping with taunting. You’re playing with the alpha on top of you now, and you all know it.

Jeongin stares at you, his stare moving slowly to Chan and then back again. “Catch what, noona?” His voice is hoarse, like he’s been holding his breath.

You shift so you’re staring back up at Chan, looming over you, and your lips tick upward into a dangerous expression meant to goad.

“Our Channie here has a little obsession-a fantasy, if you will-with breeding. He probably went easy on you the first time he knotted you, because you’re inexperienced, but he just loves to fill you up when he fucks you, loves the idea of stretching you with his seed and then his pups, hm, Channie?”

A low growl rolls from Chan’s chest, and you hear Jeongin’s breath catch.

The smell of cinnamon is overpowering.

Chan pins your hands above your head in one smooth, quick motion, and leans over to bite down-hard-on your scent gland in the curvature of your shoulder.

Not hard enough to mark or draw blood, but damn near close.

Your body goes limp beneath him, your mind going blank, your jaw slack, and suddenly, any of the teasing from before is long gone, and the only thought is-alpha, alpha, alpha.

He pulls back, licking his lips with a wicked smirk, and fuck it, he knows he’s won already.

“I should punish you for teasing me, pet, but lucky for you, I’m far to eager to feel you squeezing every last drop out of me to make myself wait any longer.”

And without warning, he leans over and sinks his teeth into your muscle once again, sheathing himself fully inside of you in the same frantic motion.

You cry out, the sensations hitting you all at once, and arch your body up into his hold.

He hadn’t prepped you, but honestly, you were wet enough that he slid in without much resistance, and the friction was honestly close to pushing you over the edge already.

Chan growls, the sound sending goosebumps over your skin, muffled by his hold on your shoulder, and thrusts wildly a few times, like an animal gone mad with desire.

You let him, your fingers scrabbling at his skin, and letting your head roll to the side to give him more access to your neck, you catch sight of Jeongin, watching the two of you with something clearly hot, but tentative, on his features.

Reaching a hand out, you splay it across Chan’s bare chest, stopping his movements, and he releases his teeth’s hold on you, as you say quietly to get his attention, “Chan.”

He’s panting, but he stills, and the feeling of him filling you without moving is enough to drive you crazy, but you keep your focus on Jeongin as you hold out your free hand.

“Done watching, Innie? Wanna join in?”

The omega swallows, you see the way his throat bobs, and then he stands, looking suddenly nervous, but you can tell he’s intrigued and more than a little hot and bothered at this point if the tent in his pants is any indication.

He approaches the bed, and swallows again.

“You don’t have to.” You say softly, taking his hand in yours and rubbing his fingers. “I know this can be overwhelming, but if you want to-”

He nods, glancing down at you, his eyes trailing down the length of Chan’s body atop yours, before he meets your gaze once more with a look of determination.

“No, I want to.”

“Good boy.” You praise, before you tug him forward and onto the bed beside you and Chan. You jerk your head at his clothes. “Take those off.”

He does so quickly, and then sits back down beside the two of you once more, looking unsure. “Now what?”

You give him an encouraging smile. “Now, you’re gonna kneel above me and slide yourself into my mouth.” You open your lips and lean your head back to show him, careful not to jostle Chan.

Jeongin’s eyes go wide. “What? But what if I hurt you-?”

A raspy chuckle leaves Chan’s lips, and he gives the omega a soft look. “You’re not gonna hurt her, pup. I promise.”

“You’re not.” You reiterate, as Jeongin finally takes a breath and moves to kneel above your head. You glance up at him, as you wrap your hands around the back of his thighs. “And besides, now is as good a time as any to talk about safe words and safety gestures. I won’t be able to talk, obviously, but if I need you to stop at any time, I’ll tap you twice, like this, okay?”

I tap the back of his thigh with two fingers hard, twice.

Jeongin nods, staring down at my head between his knees. “Okay.”

“Okay.” You repeat back, parting your lips once more. “Whenever you’re ready.” Jeongin hesitates briefly, glancing to Chan, who gives him a little nod, and then he leans forward and places the tip of himself into your mouth.

You adjust slightly to allow easier access as he slowly slides between your lips.

You see the way his body tenses as he feels your tongue on him, but he still gives you a worried sort of glance. “Okay?”

You nod slightly, and hum a sound of affirmation, before you let yourself suck, creating suction with your tongue.

Jeongin instantly groans, his head falling back and his hands scrabbling to tangle in your hair.

Chan takes that as his cue to move again as well, and he resumes his thrusting from before, his hips moving more rhythmically now.

You feel Jeongin hit the back of your throat, and oh god, he tastes just like he smells, and fuck, with Chan moving like that-

You can feel the muscles in your body tensing, readying for release, as you keep working Jeongin with your mouth and Chan shunts your body over and over with his.

“Fuck, noona, I-” Jeongin starts to say, and then he’s shuddering, and you feel him release, tasting the sweetness on your tongue.

“Fuck.” Chan swears, watching Jeongin come for you, and then he leans forward, his sweaty skin sticking to yours as he rests his forehead on your chest, fingers digging into your wrists, and roars through his own release.

Everything whites out for a moment as your own body uncoils, and you have to remind yourself to breathe, as Jeongin slowly pulls himself from your mouth and Chan lies on top of you, catching his breath.

“Fuck.” Jeongin repeats, staring down at you, his eyes full of awe. “Fuck.”

You give a weak little laugh and reach out to brush Chan’s sweaty hair back from his forehead. He glances up at you, his chin on your chest, and releases his hold on your wrists, one of his hands moving to your jaw and pinching your mouth open so he can look inside.

A small smirk quirks the corner of his mouth as he says hoarsely, “A shame to waste all that perfectly good come on your mouth, baby.” You grin down at him, wincing slightly as he pulls himself out of you with a long, low groan.

He flops down beside you on the bed, covering his face with his arm as his chest still heaves.

On your other side, Jeongin collapses down as well, his hand finding yours, even though his eyes are closed.

After a few moments of silence, Chan pushes himself up with effort, and scoots to the edge of the bed. He waves a finger between you and Jeongin’s prone forms.

“Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”

You give a sound of assent, but don’t open your eyes.

Soon though, you hear the sound of his footsteps padding back, and he nudges you with his hand.

“Drink this, baby.” You crack open your eyes, and take the bottle of water he offers you, passing the other one to Jeongin, who guzzles it down immediately.

Chan slides back onto the bed between your legs, and begins to wipe down the sticky skin of the inside of your thighs with the warm rag, cleaning up all the residual juices that were left behind.

You relax into his gentle motions, and when he’s finished, he turns to Jeongin, arching a brow at the younger boy.

“Can I?” He asks, and Jeongin hesitates, before he nods slightly, spreading his legs for Chan to clean him up as well.

You watch them-how gentle Chan is, how trusting Jeongin is-and you feel warm from head to toe.

Warm and content.

When he’s finished with Jeongin, you finally sit up and reach for the rag, motioning for Chan to lay back on the bed.

“Okay, now you.”

He opens his mouth, as if to protest, but Jeongin pushes him down gently with a hand to his chest and a small smile.

“C’mon, hyung. It’s only fair.”

Chan rolls his eyes, but lets you wash him over with the warm rag anyway, and you can tell, by the slight hint of pink on his cheeks, that he enjoys the tender touches just as much as you do.

When everyone is cleaned up, you motion for Jeongin to snuggle down between the two of you, your arm looped comfortably across him, your fingers making nonsensical patterns on the warm, bare skin of Chan’s chest.

Leaning over to press a kiss to the tip of Jeongin’s nose, you say softly, “I love you.” Jeongin glances up at you with large eyes, and his lips curve into a smile.

“I love you too, noona. And you, hyung.”

You grin and press another kiss to the top of his soft, red hair, before he glance across to Chan, who is watching you affectionately, a small smile on his lips.

He arches a brow at you and whispers over the top of Jeongin’s head, “I’m proud of you. You’re getting better.”

You grin back at him, and reach up with your free hand to cup his jaw, before you squish Jeongin between you as you lean forward to press a kiss to his lips.

“I love you, Bang Chan.”

He tugs you forward for another kiss, and Jeongin whines slightly at being squished.

“I love you too.” ********************************

“So, I’m guessing the two of you made up?” Changbin remarks offhandedly, leaning against the desk as he eyes you with an arch of his brow and a smirk on his lips.

You give a little shrug, sifting through Chan’s papers to find the one you’re looking for. “I guess. How can you tell?” You stop, glancing back at him with a narrowing of your eyes.

Changbin grins, his eyes dropping pointedly to the large black hoodie you wear. “That’s his favorite hoodie.”

You hold out the heavy fabric so you can see the Nirvana logo printed across the front of it, staring at it skeptically. “Really? This old thing? I just stole this the last time we went over to his dorm after hide and seek.”

Changbin laughs and shakes his head, leaning around you now to pluck up a piece of paper and present it to you.

It’s the one you’ve been looking for.

You snatch it from him with a teasing glare.

“Really.” He nods, tugging at the hood of the hoodie teasingly. “This fucking thing is his favorite fucking thing on the whole planet, so the fact that he let you take it and wear it-” He shakes his head in slight disbelief, and smirks down at you. “-well maybe that just means that he has a new favorite fucking thing on the whole planet.”

You grin at that.

“I kind of like the sound of that.” Changbin grins back and tackles you onto the futon in the corner of the studio, tickling you as you shriek and struggle to get away from him.

“I knew you would.”

387 notes · View notes

xxstar-girl · 1 month

Text

BEST FRIEND!SKZ TEXTS

accidentally sending

them a spicy photo

hyung line

maknae line

warnings: suggestive themes, suicidal jokes, nicknames (sweetheart, good girl, kitty)

a/n: this is my first post!! feel free to send requests!!

273 notes · View notes

lieslab · 4 months

Text

Skz finds you struggling with self-harm

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Og8 X gn reader

Genre: Angst & comfort/hurt

Word Count: 10.8k

A/N: This was a request and each member deals with a different type of behavior that can be considered a form of self-harm. To whoever requested this, I'm sorry for taking about a week. In a word document, this is about forty-five pages, so thank you for being patient while waiting. I hope you can find some comfort here <3

_ _ _

Bang Chan:

TW: Cigarettes and brief mention of cancer.

"What is this?" Chan gestured towards you.

"What does it look like?" You grumbled with the end of the cigarette in the corner of your mouth.

You ignored your boyfriend and kept glancing off into the darkened sky. You thought he was asleep as you stepped out onto your balcony, but apparently not. Either he wasn't asleep or you accidentally woke him up when you snuck out of your shared bed.

He stayed quiet while he observed you. You ignored his heavy gaze and pretended he wasn't there. You adjusted the cigarette back to the middle of your mouth. The end glowed a warm orange while you inhaled another mouthful of the smoke.

The oversized hoodie hung off your body. You threw it on hoping it'd catch the scent of nicotine instead of your pajamas. Silence hung over the two of you along with the stars. You didn't utter a word. Quite frankly, you didn't want to tell your boyfriend why you were outside on your balcony smoking a cigarette at 4am.

It was almost like he could read your mind. You exhaled and the tendrils of smoke drifted off into the distance. Realizing this was his chance, Chan broke the silence.

"Do you wanna talk abo-"

"Nope," you cut him off.

He pressed his lips together trying to figure out what to say to you. He knew whatever you were going through was bad. You only turn to cigarettes when life seems unbearable. Too caught up in his own life, he hadn't realized you were struggling so much. Worry and guilt began to nip at him.

He had shifted to wrap his arm around you in the bed, but you weren't there. When he opened his eyes, he was met with a barren bed and your silhouette outside on the balcony. He knew what you were doing the moment he opened the balcony door. He was instantly engulfed by the scent of tobacco.

No wonder you tasted so much like peppermint lately. Chewing peppermint gum, one piece after the next. Showing up to his studio tasting like mouthwash. You brushed your teeth after you smoked. Swishing around mouthwash and chasing the mouth-burning liquid with more minty gum hoping it'd block out the scent.

"Bad day?" He finally offered.

You snickered, "more like a bad life."

His heart squeezed in his chest at your remark. Surely, you didn't associate him with the bad part of your life, did you? Yeah, he was busy a lot because of his job, but what about the times you shared? Was it all bad?

Sensing his worry, you changed your wording.

"It's not a bad life, but things seem to be piling up lately. It's one thing after the next after the next. I purchase a pack of cigarettes and then the nicotine releases dopamine. I know it's bad, but it brings me a state of peace. Is it terrible to just want to relax for a while?"

"No," he admitted after a few silent seconds. "It's not bad, but it's dangerous."

You let out a sigh and closed your eyes. In the brazen moonlight, Chan could see everything. The full moon lit up every feature of your face. Seeing you like this beneath the soft glow, he wanted to smile, but your words twisted him with trepidation.

"I know I should care," you reopened your eyes. You blinked trying to hide the tears building up. "But honestly, I really don't give a shit. It says right on the box that it can cause lung cancer. I already feel rotten enough on the inside, so maybe it's what I deserve."

"Nobody deserves that."

You stared down at the burning cigarette in your hand. Embers drifted into the darkness while others scattered onto the ground below. The rolled paper around the cigarette continued to burn. Your brain begged for you to take another hit of the nicotine, but now your heart was in turmoil.

"You are an adult, you know. You're free to live your life as you wish. No matter what you choose to do, I can't stop you. However, as your significant other, I don't want to see you hurt."

"I know," your voice came out weak. All those emotions you had been suppressing were coming up again. "Can I be honest?"

"Of course, you can."

"I hate the taste of them," you chuckled and dropped the cigarette. The heel of your shoe crushed it into the ground. Your fingers gripped the metal ledge of the fence around the balcony.

Chan didn't utter a sound.

"It's been going on for a while, unfortunately. For a month, at least, and I'm not sure if I can easily stop." You hung your hands together over the edge of the railing.

"That's alright, you don't have to quit cold turkey. Maybe try to wean yourself off of them, okay?"

"Okay."

Tobacco stained your teeth. The soured flavor clung to your tongue. The scent draped over you like a heavy curtain. You bit down on the inside of your cheek wondering how you were going to pull yourself away from the thing you spent the past month finding comfort in.

"You don't have to do it alone," Chan spoke up again. "I'll be right here if you need me. You can talk to me whenever you need to."

You nodded your head.

"Do you want to discuss what made you turn to them in the first place?"

"Not really."

"Then we don't have to do that." He turned back to the moon and changed the topic. "The full moon is beautiful tonight. I don't remember the last time I've been able to stare at the moon like this."

"It's nice."

"Peaceful and quiet."

You mumbled an agreement as a yawn left your mouth.

"You wanna go back inside and get some more sleep?"

"That sounds good."

Not bothered by the scent, Chan walked over and put an arm around your shoulders. The two of you walked back into your bedroom. He locked the balcony door while you pulled off the hoodie you were wearing. You headed to the bathroom to brush your teeth.

After climbing into the bed, you curled yourself up against your boyfriend, happy that you were able to find someone as patient and understanding as him.

_ _ _

Lee Know:

TW: Using alcohol to cope with problems, depression, and self-hatred.

Lee Know was used to you occasionally drinking. You did it, he did it, and your friends did it. However, when he came home on the third day in a row to find you with a bottle of wine, his eyebrows furrowed.

There you were curled up on your favorite spot on the couch. The large TV sat in front of you and you grinned while watching some raunchy romance show. His eyes scanned the area. A bowl of popcorn sat in your lap. A glass of wine was tucked into your hand. Too enthralled in your show, you didn't hear him come in.

The bright screen lit up the transparent bottle to show that it was nearly gone. You just opened that bottle yesterday, so how was it gone already? He blinked in shock and stepped closer towards you.

He snuck up behind you, without meaning to startle you, and stuck his hands on your shoulders. You let out a yelp and jumped. The popcorn bowl upturned and kernels and popcorn pieces scattered across the carpet.

"Sorry, baby, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Well, you did," you frowned and stared at the mess. You sighed, placed your glass on the coffee table in front of you, and began to stand up. The world seemed to tilt and you fell forward.

"Woah!" Lee Know jerked forward, grabbed the back of your shirt from over the couch, and yanked you back to safety.

You laughed as you plopped back down on the couch. Your boyfriend frowned at your reaction. If he wouldn't have caught you, you would have hit the coffee table. He kicked off his shoes and climbed over the edge of the couch. You giggled while he pulled you into his grasp.

He leaned back comfortably against the arm of the couch. With you in his arms, he tugged you back against his chest. Your ear was pressed up against his heart. The gentle thrum soothed your soul.

"How much alcohol have you had to drink today?" He began to run a hand through your hair.

You half-shrugged on top of him.

"One glass?"

"More."

"Two?"

"More."

"Three?"

"I don't know."

"Four?"

"Mmh, maybe."

He paused and glanced back over to the bottle of the wine. Last night, it was nearly full, so you drank more than half of it. You were upping your alcohol content steadily. He frowned and stared back at you. You seemed okay the past few days, but clearly something was bothering you.

He opened his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.

"Do you ever hate yourself?"

"Huh?" He was caught off-guard by your comment.

"Do you ever hate yourself?" You repeated. "Lately, I've been feeling like I'm not a very good person."

Lee Know kept watching you. You were pronouncing your words properly, so you must not have been too drunk. He glanced up at the analog clock stuck to the side wall. You were home before him in the early evenings. You had, at least, five hours to drink before he got home.

"Why do you think that you're not a good person?"

"I don't know."

"There must be some reason."

"I feel ugly!" You blurted out. "I feel gross and disgusting about myself. I look at myself in the mirror and I hate what I see. I've been sad and I haven't wanted to get out of bed. I have zero motivation to get out of bed or brush my teeth or do anything."

"Oh?"

"I feel icky inside and out. You tell me all the time that I'm beautiful. You're always there, but I'm not able to see myself like you are. Maybe I feel so gross because it's a struggle to get out of bed. I don't know, but the other day I had a glass of wine and it felt nice and then I had another and I felt okay again."

"So you're using alcohol to attempt to cope?" There was a sadness in Lee Know's voice.

"Uh-huh and you know what?"

"What?"

"It's working very well. I am so light and I feel so good. I feel like I can laugh again. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside."

Lee Know tilted himself closer towards your face. He leaned over you and cupped your cheeks gently. You peeled open your eyes and met his. A goofy grin filled your face at the sudden closeness.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Don't I make you feel warm and fuzzy? Do I have to remind you?"

"Of course, you make me feel that way! You give me butterflies. I love you so much, you don't even know. I can't put it into words how you make me feel."

"So you're feeling bad about yourself?"

"Uh-huh."

"What if I gave you a kiss every time your brain said something bad about you? You stop drinking the wine and I'll replace it with kisses."

His boba eyes stared intently into yours. You blinked in shock. It wasn't often that Lee Know was so touchy with you. He patiently waited for your answer and squished your cheeks a little more. A grin began to stretch across his face. He cooed and squished your cheeks more. You began to giggle at his antics.

"Is that a yes?"

"Uh-huh."

He bent down and gave you a quick upside down kiss. Still tipsy, you squealed in delight. He puckered his lips and did it again. Pulling away, he rubbed your cheeks. "So how was it?"

"I think I need another one."

"Already?" He threw his head back and let out a dramatic groan.

"You said if my brain was saying something bad!"

"That's right, I did say that. So I must prevail in my efforts to comfort the love of my life. Pucker up and get ready for a love bombing."

"A love wh-"

Before you could finish, he leaned down and began placing kisses all over your face. Your laughter only added fuel to his fire. He kept going and going and going until he ran out of air panting. He threw himself back over the arm of the couch gasping for breath.

"More!" You cried out.

"More?" He threw his hands up. "You're just taking advantage of my love!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

He leaned forward, wrapped his arms around you tightly, and squeezed your body. You wiggled, but your arms were pinned to your sides. You whined and squirmed, but you were no match for him.

"What are you doing?"

"Prison of love." He planted a soft kiss on the top of your head. "You're here until further notice."

_ _ _

Changbin:

TW: Razors/razor blades, cutting, and self-hatred.

“They couldn’t have grown legs and walked away,” Changbin grumbled. He climbed further into the cabinet, beneath the bathroom sink, and pushed products aside. Dropped down on all fours, his torso was completely inside the darken and confined space.

He was attempting to try and find a pack of his disposable razors, but he couldn’t find any of them. He swore he just bought another pack last week, but they were missing. He pushed aside backup bottles of body wash and shampoo. Diving further into conditioner and cotton balls, he dug back further, but to no avail.

He pushed himself backwards and whacked his head on the top of the cabinet in the process. A loud groan left his mouth and it woke you up. In the room next door, you had fallen asleep early. Exhausted from another day at work, you were defeated by the time you came home. Within seconds of your body hitting the pillow, you were out.

You blinked your bleary eyes and rubbed them wondering what was going on. Through the thin bathroom door, Changbin was mumbling. You couldn’t hear what he was saying, but he seemed to be upset about something.

As you pushed yourself away from the tangled blankets, Changbin dived back beneath the cabinet to look again. He shoved the small basket of product to the side and when his razors weren’t in the very back, he jerked himself out again. A hand went to the porcelain sink to propel himself up.

Crash!

You stumbled over your feet worried that your boyfriend might have fallen. Picking up your pace, you knocked when you arrived at the door and called out to make sure Changbin was alright. Not hearing a response, you panicked even more.

“I’m coming in,” you called out.

When you stepped inside, you found a teary eyed Changbin staring at the floor. You stepped up beside him quickly wondering what was wrong. On the tile floor, lay the scattered remnants of the bathroom trash can. A shampoo bottle laid beside it.

Right there on top? One of Changbin’s disposable razors was completely dismantled. Twisted blue plastic with a missing razor blade. You made sure to hide it deep within the trash can beneath the snotty tissues and makeup remover wipes. You didn’t take into consideration that the trash can might fall over.

The pieces began to click together in your brain. You had been using Changbin’s razors for a while now. Prying apart the plastic and so desperate to feel something again. You found a friend in the cold metal blade. The stinging sensation somehow seemed to mend your internal wounds.

Humiliation filled you and the guilt of it all crept in. You swallowed the lump in your throat as your own tears filled your eyes. You remained cemented to the floor unable to speak and unable to explain. There was nothing to explain anyways, Changbin knew what you were doing instantly.

The two of you stayed silent. Changbin ran through your behavior the past few days in his head. You stopped wearing pajama shorts to bed, but fall had turned into winter. He didn’t question why you switched your clothes. When you didn’t want to be touched as much, he hadn’t questioned it.

Boundaries and communication were so important to him. He knew not to cross them. The two of you were honest with each other constantly. It helped your relationship flow smoothly, it helped prevent arguments, and it left the two of you satisfied; but this? How long had you been keeping this a secret?

“Why?” He finally got out.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice was shaky as you spoke. You felt so small. So helpless. Rather, you let down one of the most important people in your life. Would he see you through the lens that you saw yourself?

He turned around to face you. There was no hint of anger. His face wasn’t twisted and there wasn’t a scowl. Hurt was in his eyes. He reached out and cupped your face again. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’ll replace your razors and I won’t do it again.”

“But why?” His thumbs brushed against your cheeks to wipe away tears. “Why are you hurting yourself?” You blurred in his vision.

You blinked rapidly trying to get the tears to stop. You didn’t want to admit you hated yourself. You didn’t admit you found comfort in the pain. You didn’t want to admit any of it. You were stuck at a crossroad.

“Please talk to me.” He waited patiently for you to speak. When you didn’t, he pulled you into his burly arms. Warmth cocooned your body and cradled your soul.

“I didn’t mean to start. I’ve struggled with it before, you already know that.” You sniffled and sucked in a deep breath. “It got bad again and I just wanted to self-soothe. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry for disappointing you.”

He rubbed your back gently. Your head was tucked beneath his chin. His heartbeat walloped in his chest. “You didn’t disappoint me, you’re hurting inside. You have to learn how to be gentle with yourself, baby. You could never disappoint me.”

More tears filled your eyes. They began to trickle down and soak his shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind. You let yourself be held by him.

“You’re allowed to hurt and you’re allowed to be sad, but how about we try to do something else that doesn’t harm you? I don’t want you to hurt yourself. You don’t understand how precious your existence is to me. You mean everything to me.”

A strangled sob came from the back of your throat. You broke down completely in his arms. He treated you with such tenderness and love, it made you cry harder. He soothed you quietly while he began listing some of your best qualities.

You cried and cried and cried until you were completely defeated. Everything you had been holding back came up. Beneath your pajama pants, your thighs stung from the fabric brushing up against them. You tried to hide them. You forced yourself into your jeans.

The fabric rubbed and created irritation. The water in the shower hurt. They always hurt. Just as old wounds began to itch and heal, you created new ones to remind yourself just how worthless you were. The cycle had started again and it’d continue until you stopped.

Changbin spoke to you how a mother spoke to her newborn baby. Praising you for the smallest things. Dotting on you and gently rocking you side to side. They say a mother’s heartbeat comforts a baby in the wound. With you pressed up against and hearing Changbin’s heart through your sobs, maybe that’s why you felt comfortable enough to fall apart.

When you finally finished sobbing, you were left breathless and exhausted. Changbin’s heartbeat continued to thrum. Exhaustion weighed heavily upon you and Changbin planted a soft kiss on the top of your head.

“Come on, let’s get you into bed.”

You didn’t object as he picked you up and carried you back to your shared room. Concerned about your well-being still laced him. No matter how much he wanted to continue talking about it, you needed to get some sleep. Tomorrow, he’d help you come up with a better plan to cope, but for now, he’d be by your side until you woke up again.

_ _ _

Hyunjin:

TW: Skin picking, hair pulling, anxiety, and blood.

You didn’t realize Hyunjin moved from his spot until you felt his hand gently cup your wrist. You glanced down with confusion etched onto your face. He gave you a reassuring smile before he spoke. “You’re doing it again.”

You glanced down with a frown. Sure enough, you were doing it again without realizing it. Lost in your overwhelming thoughts, you began to pick at the scratch on your arm. Your sharpened nails plucked at the skin. The darkened red bits of healing wounds were reopened. A fresh trail of trickling blood steadily streaked down your arm.

“Ah, shit.”

You stood up and mumbled an apology. In the bathroom, you began washing your hands in the bathroom sink, so you could address the problem. Out in the kitchen, Hyunjin was doing the same thing. With hands still damp from hastily drying them with the kitchen towel, he walked into the bathroom and gently tugged your wrist again.

The uncomfortable feeling of humiliation crept inside as Hyunjin observed your bleeding arm. Lately, you found yourself doing things without even realizing it. Digging your nails along your skin and creating scratches. Gnawing at the sides of your nails and ripping off perfectly healthy skin.

A few days ago, you began to pluck at the end of your eyebrow. You didn’t realize it until Hyunjin came home and pointed it out. On the side of your head, beneath a top layer of hair, there was a bald patch growing back. It never really registered what you were doing until it was too late.

Wound tight with anxiety, you floated away from reality and let yourself meander a river of worry. Your fingers moved without realizing it. Your body was desperate to soothe itself even when you were consciously away from the driver’s seat of your brain.

Hyunjin didn’t mind pointing it out. He knew how you could be and if anything, he was happy he could get you to stop. Pulling you out of that cloudy blank daze and helping bring you back to reality. He was careful with every movement. He didn’t want to startle or injure you more.

“You really don’t have to do this,” you mumbled.

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”

You stayed silent and let him rinse the blood off your arm. You watched him clean up, disinfect, and bandage the scratch on your forearm. It had been healing for the past few days. The other day, you dug your nails into the delicate skin. When you scraped your nails down, your skin came with it. Pulled from your thoughts by the feeling of warm blood beneath your fingers, you realized you had injured yourself yet again.

You knew it was nothing to be ashamed of. Hyunjin was a constant reminder of that. There was no judgment from him whatsoever. However, every time he caught you doing it, you felt like a child upsetting a parent. He hadn’t made it known that he was annoyed with your behavior, but you were sure he felt that way deep down.

The thought nagged at you while he threw the last bits of band-aid paper into the trash can. He hummed softly beneath his breath and washed his hands like it wasn’t a big deal. Suds filled his hands and the scent of citrus hit your nose.

“Why are you never mad at me?” You finally snapped. You didn’t mean for it to come off so snarky, but you didn’t understand why he was so cool, calm, and collected about your behavior. In your head, it was inexcusable.

“Why would I be?” He asked cooly. His face remained neutral and he dried his hands on a hand towel.

“Aren’t you annoyed or angry or, I don’t know, upset maybe? Sometimes I’m aware I do it, but I continue doing it. I don’t care if it hurts. It just….I don’t know!” You threw up your hands exasperated. “Why are you so okay with it?”

Hyunjin eyed you for a moment. You still couldn’t read his thoughts. He kept his face neutral until he cocked his head to the side. “What if it was me?”

“Huh?”

“If I did what you did. If I picked and plucked and tore and scraped and scratched; would you be annoyed or upset?”

“No!” Your head shook frantically. “Of course, I wouldn’t be like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re you. I love you and you deserve compassion. I’d never want you to feel like you were doing something wrong and I-” You paused for a moment. “Oh.”

The side of Hyunjin’s lips tugged into the start of a smile. “Yeah, exactly. Do I think you should do it? No, but I understand why you’re doing it.”

“I don’t know how to stop,” you finally admitted.

“I was doing some research the other day and they said it helps if you wear gloves. However, I know that’s not always a possibility because you hate gloves. There was another article I found about keeping your hands busy.”

“So like a stress ball?”

“That’s one option, but I was thinking of something else.” He laced his fingers through yours and began to pull you away from the bathroom. “You know how you always like my art? You’re always wishing you could create art as well as I do?”

“Yeah.”

He pulled you into your bedroom and retrieved a plastic bag from beneath the bed. He handed it to you and let you open it. You stared at it cautiously and then glanced up at him.

“Go ahead and open it. It’s not going to hurt you or anything. Come on,” he grinned, “you’ll love it.”

You stuck your hand inside and began to pull out objects. A sketchpad was followed by a bright pink eraser and a pack of fancy pencils Hyunjin always used to create sketches. He beamed when a smile appeared on your face.

“You got these for me?”

“You’ve been wanting to do art for a while now. I can help teach you and I created a YouTube video playlist of videos I first watched when I created art. When I’m not around, you’ll be able to watch them and learn.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but he cut you off.

“I know it might not help entirely, but it’s a good distraction. If you start this and don’t like it, I’ve been talking to Felix. He sent over some of the recipes he makes a lot. Maybe you could give baking a shot?” He offered.

Tears began to fill your eyes from the warmth that fluttered through your heart.

“What?” His face fell. “Do you not like this? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He rushed towards you and began to wipe away your tears. “I don’t want to seem overbearing and like I’m trying to fix you. That’s not what I’m trying to do, I swear! I-I just want to help you.”

You laughed at his distress. He paused upon seeing your reaction. You sniffled and shook your head. Pulling away, you began to speak.

“I’m not crying because I’m sad. I’m not sad, I’m so happy. You didn’t have to do all this for me. I’m so grateful and I feel so overwhelmed.”

“So they’re happy tears?”

You nodded and laughed again. More tears streamed down your cheeks. A smile began to grow on Hyunjin’s face again.

“Thank you for caring about me.”

“I’ll always care about you.” He leaned over and wrapped his arms around you. “I’ll do anything to see you happy. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

_ _ _

Han:

TW: Gambling and gambling addiction.

The question sat unspoken on your tongue. You knew what you were doing was wrong and yet you couldn’t stop yourself. You shifted in your spot on the couch for a fourth time trying to gather up the courage to ask.

Your boyfriend’s eyes were glued to the latest anime the two of you had been watching. He was clueless about your antics. You sucked in a deep breath and called out his name. When he didn’t respond, you called his name a little louder.

He snapped his head towards you with his big eyes and round cheeks. Even without meaning to, your boyfriend was attractive. You pushed away the thought and focused back on the task at hand.

“Can I ask for a favor?”

“What kind of favor?”

In the background, the characters in the anime continued fighting each other. Brightly colored hair flung around and over dramatic sound effects whirled. Fists flew and bodies bucked. Screams of despair from the hero and bouts of anger from the villain continued.

The anime reminded you of yourself. You were the hero and you were the villain. Always flipping back and forth between the two, a switch toggled, but it never flipped fully. You were reckless with life decisions. Messy without thinking things through. Acting in the heat of the moment without thinking about the effects.

“Can I borrow five-hundred dollars?”

“Huh?” Han’s eyes widened in shock. “Five…hundred? What? Why?”

Your eyes met the ground. You felt pathetic. Your form of self-harm wasn’t physically damaging your body. You didn’t turn to substances to cope with things. You threw yourself into gambling instead. Every paycheck, you went through money like water. You were a pro at self-sabotaging.

You managed to keep just enough to make ends meet and then you’d blow the rest of it. Chasing the high of winning, you didn’t know how to stop. The worst part? You were pretty decent at it. Whether it was making bets with your friends about small things or feeding freshly dispensed ATM cash into slot machines at the casino, you were good.

Lately, you had been on a winning streak. The cash was pooling in. Over and over again you won and each time, the dopamine rush was more intense than the last. You were seeing green, at least, until greed brought you to your knees.

You bet everything in the heat of the moment. You bet it all and within a few seconds, you lost everything. It was there and then it was gone. Even worse, you realized you hadn’t put the money aside for your half of the rent. You were royally fucked and with no more money to bet to try and make some of it back, you were screwed.

You didn’t leave the casino giddy with excitement. You didn’t sprint to the front desk to redeem your money from the ticket in your hand happily. You didn’t relish the fresh air outside with loaded pockets feeling unstoppable. You left with tears in your eyes and humiliation coursing through your veins.

“Five-hundred?” Han repeated again, completely baffled. He reached over, paused the show, and sat up. “Baby, why do you need five-hundred dollars? Did something happen?”

You could have lied. You could have said something went wrong with the payroll at work. You could have said the system broke and your paycheck would be delayed. You could have pretended your bank account was hacked. As you ran through the lies in your head, they made you feel even more grimy and worthless.

Heart taught with distress, you squeezed your eyes shut and balled your hands into fists. Your nails dug into your palms. This was your fault. You did this. You made your bed and now you’d have to lie in it.

“I really fucked up,” you finally admitted. You stayed silent for a few moments. You weren’t sure how Han would react to your admission of guilt. You let out a sigh before you opened your eyes and spoke again. “I think I have a problem.”

“What kind of problem?” Han stretched forward. He laid down on his stomach and tucked his palms beneath his head. He tilted his head up to stare at you from his position. “Anything I can help with?”

“I might have gambled all my money away.”

“You what?”

“I know it sounds bad.” You were sheepish to speak. “I forgot to set aside rent money. I know it’s no excuse, but it left my mind.”

Han stared at you without a word. You were too afraid to glance over at him. Your eyes never left the floor.

“So the five-hundred dollars is to cover my half of the rent. I promise I’ll pay you back!” You peeked over at him. Eyes filled with desperation, you hoped he’d understand. “I don’t like asking you for assistance, but our landlord won’t budge on the rent being due at the end of this week and I don’t get paid until next week.”

“Did you just start this or…” He trailed off.

“It’s been happening for a few months. When I hang out with my friends, we go to the casinos and stuff. It was really fun and before I knew it, I was hooked on it. I couldn’t stop it no matter how hard I tried.”

“Of course, I’ll cover your part of the rent.”

Relief filled your veins.

“But.”

“But?”

“But it sounds like this is a big issue. This was a pretty big incident that happened to you. What would happen if this occurs again and there’s nobody there to help you?”

You frowned and shifted once more uncomfortably beneath the weight of his gaze. “Honestly, I never really thought about it. I think I might be obsessed with it. I live for the feeling of being a winner.”

“Don’t you think you should stop before you become a loser?”

Your face fell at his words. He scooted closer to you and scooped you up to his chest. You could barely breathe as his arms constricted around you.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way, but this is concerning. I care about you and I don’t want to see you lose everything. Do you understand where I’m coming from?”

You weakly nodded your head. He clutched to you tightly in the silence. The anime was still paused in the background. A fist froze in mid-air as it was ready to slam into the villain who stood with wide eyes of terror. His fingers found the ends of your hair and he began to twirl his fingers around it.

“Han?”

“Yes, baby?”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop. I’ve been doing it for a while now. I thought I’d be able to give it up, but it’s like an itch that won’t go away.”

He paused for a moment before he hummed. His tongue clicked while he thought about the situation. His fingers lazily tapped along your spine. You laid with your head on his chest. He sat sideways on the couch while he held you.

“I’ve heard that there are some therapists that specialize in therapy for gambling addicts.”

The air was knocked from your lungs. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. You stiffened in his arms at the words. Shame filled you once more. That’s exactly what you were, you were an addict. This whole time you were afraid to label it, but that’s what it was.

“Are you okay?”

“I feel pathetic.”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay.” Han clutched you tighter. “A lot of people struggle with addictions. It doesn’t mean you’re worth any less to me. If anything, I’m proud of you for coming to me with this problem. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem and you’re right there.”

“Your addiction doesn’t define you,” he continued. “We all struggle with a lot of different things. It can come in different varieties and all shapes and sizes. You don’t have to be ashamed of something that’s so normal.”

“I don’t think this is normal.”

“Not for everyone, no. However, I’m sure there’s thousands of people out there just like you. Some people are in denial and don’t want to admit it. Others are afraid and some feel like they have nobody to turn to. Everyone has their reasons and I’m sure you have yours.”

His words wrapped around you like a safety net. They eased some of your anxiety about the whole situation. You mumbled an apology for everything and he reassured you that it’d be okay. He stared at you with such love and admiration, even when you weren’t paying attention to it.

“So how about we finish our anime and we can figure everything out after this episode?”

“You want to see who wins the battle, don’t you?” A smirk began to appear on your face.

“Maybe just a little.”

“You might want to watch, at least, the next two episodes.”

“You already know what happens?”

“Nope, I’m just betting on the fight being cut early and something dramatic happening.”

He stared at you unamused and despite the situation that had bloomed due to your actions, all you could do was laugh at your own word-play.

_ _ _

Felix:

TW: Overworking, caffeine addiction, and anxiety.

A frown filled Felix’s face when he laid his eyes upon you. He arrived home late tonight due to a few extra late dance practices. He expected to find you asleep in your bed, but instead you were hunched over your desk in the pitch black.

The bright light of your laptop illuminated your face while your fingers moved over the keys. Your eyes were narrowed and you were stuck in a trance. Beside you, three empty energy drinks sat. A fourth was directly beside you and half drank.

This morning, there weren’t any on the desk. He made sure of that because he removed them and tossed them into the recycling bin after you left for work. He ventured further into the room, let his bag fall towards the ground, and began to speak.

“Baby, what are you doing?”

He was met by the sound of you typing. The white light from your laptop highlighted the deep bags from beneath your eyes. You felt like your brain was melting, but the high caffeine content kept you going. You weren’t behind on work, in fact, you were ahead of everything.

You worked a normal nine to five and then came home and worked some more. Sometimes your line of work required you to do extra work at home and sometimes you just wanted to work ahead. Felix often tried to get you to lay off overworking yourself, but you never listened.

You had been like this for the past two weeks. You barely ate and slept. You were always hunched over your laptop. Emailing coworkers and upper management. Passing and trading reports back and forth. Filing and submitting different claims. Making phone calls, so on, and so forth.

Felix’s shoulders slumped when you didn’t respond. Just looking at the purple bags looming beneath your eyes made him tired. He let out a yawn and rubbed his eyes.

“Baby, come on. You can finish this in the morning. You’ve been working all day and you need to get some sleep.”

You blinked upon hearing the voice and briefly glanced over at your boyfriend. His eyes were half closed with sleepiness. It was past one in the morning. You gazed down at the clock on your screen.

“Go ahead and get in bed. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Just let me finish up this report real quick.” You went back to your screen and continued to type.

Felix let out a sigh, but went about his evening routine. He slipped into pajamas, completed his skincare routine, brushed his teeth, and slipped into the bed. It was cold without the warmth of your body. His head slumped against the pillow defeatedly and he waited for you.

And he waited and he waited and then he waited some more. He tossed to one side and then the other. He tried to lay on his back and then he tried to sleep on his stomach. Haunted by the quick pecking of your laptop keyboard, he couldn’t get himself to sleep.

He huffed slightly annoyed, shoved the blankets away from his legs, and he sat up. “Baby, are you coming to bed? You said you’d only take a few more minutes.” He glanced over at the clock beside him. “It’s been nearly a half hour since then.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there soon,” you responded absentmindedly. Your eyes were bloodshot and your spine ached. You tilted your neck to the side and small pops sounded. Ignoring them, you took another sip of your energy drink, and went back to typing.

Felix’s eyes narrowed and daggers hit your back. His arms crossed over his chest. You were unaware as you continued typing on your laptop. After nearly another minute of silence, he finally shoved himself up.

Unbeknownst to you, he left your bedroom and headed for the living room. He wasted no time shutting off the internet router box and slipped back into your bedroom without a sound. It didn’t take long until you frantically clicked your mouse and let out a groan.

“Something wrong?”

“The internet went out in the middle of my report!”

“That sucks.” His voice held no sympathy. “We’ll figure it out in the morning. Come on, let’s go to bed.”

You grumbled, but eventually shut your laptop and climbed into the bed. Happily, he curled up into the bed beside you and buried his head into your chest. It didn’t take long before he fell asleep due to exhaustion, but you couldn’t.

The caffeine had you wired. You were wound up and didn’t want to sit still. You laid there for a while to make sure Felix was fully asleep. Once you were sure he was out, you slipped out of bed and ventured out into the living room. You reset the router and within minutes, you were back online.

Nearly an hour later, Felix was well aware that you weren’t there. He woke up and reached out to cuddle you, but you were gone. He sat up wondering where you were. Upon realizing you weren’t in the bedroom, he went out to look for you.

That’s when he found you in the living room with two more energy drinks beside you. You were sipping a third one. Felix was flabbergasted at your behavior. How much caffeine was cruising through your veins?

“Baby?”

You stopped typing and glanced up to face your boyfriend. You paused and meekly smiled at his sudden appearance. “Hi?”

His arms crossed over his chest and your heart sunk. He stared at you without a word. You slowly put down the energy drink on the coffee table.

“Do you have a death wish?”

“What?”

“Do you have a death wish?”

“What are you talking about?”

“How many energy drinks have you had today?”

“I-” You paused to think about his question. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“Felix, it’s not that big of a deal. I always drink energy drinks. Calm down and go back to bed. I’ll be there soon, I promise.”

“No. Put your laptop down and let’s go. You’re going to bed. Do you know how many days this has happened? Multiple.”

“You’re being irrational!” Your voice started to rise. “Stop being so fucking dramatic! God, they’re just energy drinks, Felix! It’s not like they’re going to kill me!”

“Are you hearing yourself?”

You rubbed your sleepy eyes and let out an annoyed groan. “Can’t you just leave me alone? Why do you care so much? I’m doing my job!”

“Part of your job is to take care of yourself as a person! When was the last time you got eight hours of sleep? When was the last time you had a decent meal?” His voice began to crack. Tears started to fill his eyes. “When was the last time you were happy and not slung over your computer?”

You felt like you had been slapped in the face by his words. Your mouth went dry, almost like you inhaled a mouthful of sand. You wanted to say something back, but there was nothing you could use to justify yourself.

“Why don’t you care about yourself the way I care about you?” His bottom lip quivered. “You’re always telling me to take care of myself. You’re always making sure I’m not overworking myself, but what about you? I don’t want you to die.”

Tears trickled down his freckled cheeks. He hadn’t meant to cry, but he was frustrated. Why couldn’t you see yourself like he could? Why didn’t you care? Why weren’t you listening to him?

“Felix,” your voice came out softer.

He shook his head and blinked rapidly to get rid of the tears. “I’m going back to bed. You can just stay here sipping your energy drinks and overworking yourself. When you collapse with a heart attack, don’t come crying to me.” He stormed back towards your room upset with your behavior.

The slam of your bedroom door caused you to jump. You looked down at the energy drinks you were consuming and guilt began to fill you. He was right. He was right about all of it. You were absolutely miserable.

The caffeine made you shaky and it spiked your anxiety. You were so dependent on it, if you didn’t have any, you started to develop a throbbing headache. You became aware of your heart rapidly beating in your chest. How much longer could you keep up this behavior before it burst?

With a sigh, you shut your laptop and pushed it onto the coffee table. You walked back to the room you shared with Felix. Shame filled you once more. Quietly, you opened the bedroom door and stepped inside.

Felix was turned away from your side of the bed. He was facing the wall with his arms still crossed over his chest. Silent tears flooded down his cheeks still. You weren’t sure if he was awake or not, so you softly called his name.

“What?” His voice wasn’t angry anymore. He was completely defeated.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. “I didn’t realize my behavior was upsetting you so much. I didn’t think it was making you worry. I’m sorry for yelling at you. You didn’t deserve that at all.”

There was silence for a while until he spoke again. “I’ll always worry about you. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Part of our relationship is to look out for one another.”

You padded over and slipped beneath the covers. Once he felt the bed stop shifting, he spun around so he could face you. The dim light from a nearby lamp caused a soft yellow glow to overcast. There were tears still in his eyes. They were smeared along his cheeks.

Your heart hurt at the sight of him. He moved closer to you and wrapped his arms around you. He buried his face in the crook of your neck. He mumbled into your skin and the vibrations caused tingles to run through you.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, I swear. I sent an email to my boss and told her I wouldn’t be there tomorrow. You have the day off, right?”

“Mmhm.”

“Let’s spend the day together, yeah?”

He pulled away from you. His eyes sparkled as they met yours. “Really?”

You nodded your head before you leaned over and kissed his cheek. A rosy blush dusted the tops of them. “You wanna help me get rid of my energy drink stash tomorrow?”

“You have a stash?”

“I always have a stash.”

“You’re not gonna get mad?”

“No. You’re right, I need to stop. I kinda feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. It’s beating so fast right now.”

“Or maybe that’s just because I’m here.” A cheesy grin filled his face. He leaned up and kissed your cheek this time.

“Yeah, maybe it’s just because you’re here.”

He snuggled back down into the crook of your neck. You let out a soft sigh at his warmth. It didn’t take long until you both fell asleep tangled around each other.

_ _ _

Seungmin:

TW: Starvation, disordered eating, binging, and poor self esteem/body image.

Seungmin chewed his instant noodles peacefully across from you. With a fork in one hand and his phone in the other, he was content while scrolling through social media. On the other side of the table, you sipped your glass of ice water and did the same.

The only difference was that you did not have instant noodles in front of you. You sat up straight at the kitchen table with your fingers digging into your plastic cup. Condensation pooled against your fingers and left a ring along the wood. You scrolled through your social media too.

The scent of beef broth filled your nostrils. Your empty stomach twisted and contorted. It rumbled for the third time. You shifted in your chair and continued scrolling through your phone. Your fingers paled as you dug them into your cup tighter.

You silently salivated in your seat. The things you’d do to have a single bite of your boyfriend’s noodles; the warmth of flavorful sodium filled broth lining your stomach. Your teeth bit down onto your bottom lip once again.

The feeling of hunger was sharp and dull. Your stomach searched for food, but it had nothing. The feeling of cold water pooling in the bottom of your stomach filled you with a sense of pride. You were starving, yeah, but you had self control. In your brain, this was a win.

When your stomach roared again, Seungmin glanced over the top of his phone. He eyed you suspiciously. Lately, you seemed to be pushing away food. He didn’t talk about it much because he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.

After all, he had been on his own fair share of diets. He knew they could be difficult, but you never mentioned a diet. In fact, he hadn’t seen you eat anything recently. Realizing this, a frown filled his face.

You glanced up at the feeling of eyes on you. When your eyes met Seungmin’s, you raised an eyebrow. He copied your expression without a word.

“Are you hungry?” He asked.

Your eyes went back down to the instant noodles. He picked up another forkful of them. Noodles snaked through the fork prongs and dripped with broth. You pulled your eyes away and shook your head. Your eyes went back to your phone and you swallowed another mouthful of cold water.

He glanced at his noodles and then back to you. Down to his noodles and back to you. When your stomach cried out again, his eyes went back to you for a final time. This time he blurted it out without warning.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Bullshit. Your stomach has been roaring like a lion for the past five minutes. You’re starving, so why aren’t you eating?” You kept your eyes secured to your phone. “Talk to me, babe.”

You didn’t dare take your eyes off the phone. You didn’t put it down because you were too afraid you’d spill and that’d ruin everything. You gave a slight head shake and went back to scrolling.

Seungmin sighed, got up, and began rummaging through the cupboards. You watched with curious eyes while he pulled out another cup of instant ramen. You tried to ignore him, but when he added hot water, the smell of beef broth caused your stomach to rumble once more.

You cursed beneath your breath and set your phone down. As you pushed yourself back, the wooden legs of your chair scraped against the ground. Seungmin turned around, alerted by the noise, to find you leaving the room.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“To the bedroom.”

“No you’re not. Get back here and sit down. We’re going to have a conversation about why you’re not eating. Sit your ass in the chair.”

“But I-”

“No. Sit down and shut up.” He placed the cup of noodles in the spot where you were sitting. His eyes narrowed while he stared at you.

You wanted to turn around and ignore him. When Seungmin made up his mind, he made up his mind. There was no use in running away from the problem. He’d hunt you down and figure out the root of the problem anyway.

You sighed and sat back down. He pushed a fork over to you and plopped down in his own seat. You stared down at the cup of noodles and your mind began to wander.

How many calories were in it? How much sodium? What if this single cup of noodles caused you to lose control? What if this single meal caused you to spiral into a binge? On and on your internal thoughts went and Seungmin had no idea.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

“I’m not hungry,” you repeated.

He crossed his arms over his chest and waited in silence for your real answer. You bit down on the inside of your cheek. You shifted beneath his eyes again. He knew exactly how to make you squirm.

“I don’t feel like I deserve to eat,” you meekly admitted. You didn’t meet his eyes. You kept staring at the steam rising from the cup of noodles.

“Why not?”

You shrugged, but then continued anyway. “I feel like I deserved to be punished for not being good enough.” Your fingers played with the ends of your hoodie sleeves.

“Not good enough? What do you mean you’re not good enough? What are you talking about?”

“I could be better. My body isn’t in the best shape right now. It’s a simple way to lose weight. Honestly, I kind of like the feeling of starving. It makes me feel strangely powerful.”

“But you have to eat.” He leaned forward and reached his hand out. He was gentle as he cupped his hand over yours. “How are you going to have the strength to get through your days without food?”

You shrugged your shoulders again. It felt pathetic when you said it out loud. Your stomach continued rumbling. The scent of beef broth was overwhelming now that it was closer.

“How long has this been going on?”

“It just started this week.”

Seungmin stared at you wondering how he could help you. He knew about eating disorders, but he didn’t know how to help you. The answer seemed so simple to him, but your brain wasn’t wired like his was.

Food was not fuel for you, it was a daily challenge; a struggle. A battle of binging and starvation. Something you loved and loathed at the exact same time. It was gluttony, but perfection; a twisted combination of the two. You never seemed to find middle ground.

“That notebook that you’ve been writing in recently in our bedroom. You’ve been counting calories, haven’t you?”

You didn’t have to respond. Seungmin already knew the answer. A frown filled his face. The noodles were beginning to lose their warmth.

“Do you trust me?” He suddenly asked.

“Of course, I trust you. What kind of question is that? I’m dating you, obviously I trust you.”

“Can I make you food from now on? Not every meal, but just one a day, so I know you’re eating something. It’d make me feel better.”

Your heart pounded in your chest. You didn’t want to agree, but you also didn’t want this to spiral out of control and funnel into something you lost yourself completely to. The question weighed heavily on your mind. He was asking you to give up control to the one thing that you could control.

“Can we try it for one day?” His voice softened. “One day and if you don’t like it, we can figure out something else.”

You finally nodded your head slowly. Your eyes wandered down to the fork beside you. You let out a soft sigh before you picked it up, twisted it into the cup of noodles, and took a bite. Flavor exploded on your tongue. You relished the taste with closed eyes.

“How is it?”

“It’s really good.”

“I’m glad I didn’t decide to poison it then.”

“Seungmin!”

He let out a laugh and sat back. A small smile appeared on your face. He kept you busy with conversation, so your mind couldn’t go back to focusing on your food. Eventually, you managed to eat half of them before you pushed them away. Seungmin allowed it without complaint.

“Whoops, I think you got something here.” He leaned across the table and began to reach for your shirt.

You looked down to see what it was, but before you could see, he reached up and flicked the end of your nose.

You let out a yelp and pulled away. Shooting him a glare, he could only laugh in amusement. He always knew how to keep you on your toes.

_ _ _

I.N:

TW: Doom scrolling and self-isolation.

The world was on fire. Maybe not physically, but that’s what it felt like. You had fallen into the toxic cycle of doom scrolling again. Climate change, war, protests, violence, politics, upcoming elections, riots, and death. You flipped through your TikTok page and soaked it up like a sponge.

Swipe. Like. Swipe. Like. Swipe. Like. Swipe. Like.

The algorithm was a little too good at its job. The moment you began liking content about one issue, more videos appeared. Soon there was another and another and another until your TikTok page was a manifesto of doom and gloom.

The memes went away. The animal videos went away. The videos about your hobbies and interests went away. The videos from your favorite creators went away. Even videos about your boyfriend’s band disappeared.

The more you scrolled, the worse you felt. How could you live at a time like this? A time when the world was flooded with such chaos. Man made disasters, disease outbreaks, deadly weather events, and crime. Murders, shootings, stabbings, kidnappings, and so on. Another child dead, another place shot up, and another country suffering.

How could you not be sad? How could you not live with depression? How were you supposed to go on living with the realization that there was so much suffering? Why weren’t people nicer? Why are humans cruel to one another? When did humans lose their humanity?

Eventually, you turned off your phone and let it fall onto the side of the bed. Tears filled your eyes when you rethought about it. So many stories about higher powers out there. Ancient gods and goddesses, magnificent unearthly creators passed down from generation to generation, and yet suffering still existed. Why?

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, but it wasn’t working. You reached a hand from beneath your warm blanket and wiped away your tears. You felt guilty for feeling so upset about everything. You should have been thankful that you were able to live the life you lived, but you still felt conflicted about the extent of suffering. None of it was fair.

I.N let himself into the apartment he shared with you. He kicked off his shoes and let out a sigh of relief glad to be home. He knew you weren’t home tonight and you probably wouldn’t be home for a while. You told him you were going out with friends earlier.

Lately, you seemed a little down, so he was happy you were finally getting back out there. You loved your friends dearly and they loved you. Besides, you could use a bit of cheering up.

He hummed to himself and moved throughout the house. He walked directly into the bedroom ready to shower and dress in comfortable pajamas. All of his plans crashed when he heard sniffling as he opened the door. He flipped on the light and there you were curled into a ball in your bed. You squeezed your eyes shut at the bright lights.

“Sorry about that, baby.” He flipped the main switch back off and flipped on the closet light instead. The too bright white light disappeared and was replaced with a softer lighting. “I thought you were going out to hang out with your friends.”

“I was going to, but I called off.” Your voice wobbled slightly. You sniffled again and pawed at your eyes.

Upon seeing your teary eyes, he walked over and slipped into the bed beside you. He pulled the covers away from you and tucked himself right beside you. You wanted to cry at his actions, but you managed to keep your tears back.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen at work or something? Did one of your friends say something?” He studied your face with concern.

You shook your head and sniffled again. “Do you ever just realize how bad everything is in the world? There’s so much death and destruction.” Tears filled your eyes once more. “How are we supposed to deal with it?”

He knew what you were talking about instantly. You did this sometimes. Sometimes he caught you doom scrolling and stopped you. He often distracted you from it with things like your Nintendo Switches or TV shows. You must have started doom scrolling when he was away.

“The ice is melting in Antarctica and the polar bears…” You trailed off, unable to finish your sentence, as your bottom lip quivered.

You wore your heart on your sleeve. Empathy was a bittersweet thing for you. You were born with too much of it and you didn’t know how to turn it off. Your heart went out to everyone and everything. Even in the cruelest people, you were able to find empathy in them.

I.N pulled you into his arms and wrapped them around your torso. You buried your head into his chest. He gently rubbed a hand along your back.

“You know, animals are very good at adapting to a variety of situations. A lot of them are more intelligent than we realize. I’m sure the polar bears are the same way.”

That was the thing about Jeongin. He never belittled you for being empathetic. He never called you too sensitive or a crybaby. He didn’t brush away your concerns about things. He listened to your rambles patiently and tried his best to help alter and adjust the way you viewed things.

You didn’t like your empathy, but he thought it was a gift. You thought about things that he didn’t. You looked at the world with such kindness and compassion. You could easily befriend a stranger if you wanted to. You provided him with a different outlook on life.

“It’s all so sad. Why isn’t anyone doing anything? Why are we letting people suffer?”

“I wish I knew why, but I don’t know. Unfortunately, life isn’t fair to everyone. It really sucks, huh?”

“I hate it,” you grumbled. “I hate being stuck here and not being able to do anything about it.” A sigh escaped your lips.

“What happened with your friends?”

“I called off. I felt worthless, so I told them I wasn’t feeling good. I didn’t want to tell them what was really bothering me.”

“Why don’t you go hang out with them? I’m sure they want to see you. You said they’ve been texting you about how much they miss you recently. I’m sure it’d be a good distraction for you.”

“You’re right, but I don’t know. They’re already hanging out and they think I’m sick. I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You could tell them you’re feeling better.” His fingers found your hair and began playing with it. He enjoyed the feathery feeling between his fingers.

“Can you come with me?”

“Do you want that?”

“Honestly, yeah. We haven’t been anywhere recently. They’ve been asking about you too.”

“I’d be happy to tag along. Where are they? Dinner or something?”

You pushed yourself up off his lap. “They’re actually bowling right now.” Feeling a bit better, you stood up from the bed. The previous thoughts of earlier were in the back of your head now.

“Have you ever bowled before?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“If I say yes, you’ll know I’ve had an advantage. If I say no, then you’ll know I haven’t, so the answer is maybe.”

“I’m gonna beat you.”

“No, you’re not!”

“The loser gets to let the other person pick out their outfits for a week, deal?” I.N asked.

“You’re on!” You rushed out the bedroom door. You sprinted towards the hall to grab your shoes from the sneaker shelf. “Let’s go!”

I.N smiled to himself as he went after you. He might not have done much, but, at least, he could help distract you from everything on your mind. He put on his shoes and hurried to follow you out the door.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Taglist: @fairytaleskiess

Masterlist

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids drabbles #stray kids angst #stray kids comfort #kpop fanfic #bang chan #lee know #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #skz fanfic #fanfic writing

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skzpvol · 9 months

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. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ BF!SKZ TEXTS after your reaction to their instagram’s posts ࿐ྂ

pairing: hyung line skz x gn!reader

genre: idol!au | fluff fluff fluff, crack

warnings: cursing, mention of death (???)

a/n: hiiii, how are you??? I had this idea and I thought it was okay for a smau. Btw I don’t know if anyone did this before, but if someone did it PLS let me know!!! Oh, for Chan’s part: I don’t hate Samsung or people using it, I thought it was funnier to make Chan a “Samsung-anti”😭. Okay then, hope you’ll enjoy my work. Have a nice day/night! 🫶🏻

chan!!

lee know!!

changbin!!

hyunjin!!

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bias-fan · 2 months

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PERFECT MASTERLIST [baseball player!kim seungmin x only fans creator female!reader] -finished-

synopsis: being an onlyfans creator in college is hard sometimes, getting innuendo comments thrown at you, that’s what kitty deals with but ignores it. she meets seungmin by accident, a baseball hitting her face. he knows who she is because of his friends.

pairings: baseball player! seungmin x only fans creator female! reader

warnings: college au, fluff, angst, crack, innuendo jokes, written chapters, maybe smut, sexual themes

genre: crack, angst, sexual themes, fluff

sugar babies✨ binnie is a 🌽⭐️ others

[01: collaboration]

[02: collab and bruised]

[03: mcdonald’s]

[04: please kiss me📝]

[05: fake dating?]

[06: officially, not officially dating]

[07: not actually dating dating]

[08: black hair seungmin supremacy]

[09: get your ex off my back]

[10: he might like her]

[11: wearing his jersey]

[12: rejected date]

[13: back with ex]

[14: fake breaking up]

[15: blocked and friends]

[16: please let me explain📝]

[17: oh yeah, he confessed]

[18: going to confess]

#kim seungmin #skz #stray kids #bang chan #han jisung #crack #hwang hyunjin #kim seungmin x reader #kim seungmin imagines #yang jeongin #college au #seo changbin #lee felix #lee know #lee minho #kpop #angst

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sunnyseungup · 2 months

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Skz reactions / headcanons / texts | fic recs 5

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

Masterlist

[ updated 240301 ]

Sfw

Them accidentally pissing their crush off @svngiem-remade

Making up with them after a fight @blue-jisungs

Pranking them with another members sweater @silv3rswirls

Skz having their tummies’ kissed by you @svngcore

Nsfw

Favourite time and place to eat you out (maknae line) @becomingmina

Someone walking in on you @/luvyeni

How they are when they eat you @roseykat

Kisses @bbyquokka

Texts

I should call him… @skzfairyyydreamz

He accidentally spoils the proposal @sunboki

You’re on a business trip and they’re clingy little babies @giddyfatherchris

Random bf texts @pretty-blkgirl

Skz try to check up on you @thevampywolf

Can you peel an orange for me @channie-143

Skz try to flirt with you @/thevampywolf

“Skz as texts I’ve exchanged with my friends” @markiv3

Skz road trip @starrgaziinggg

Asking them if they believe in love @/thevampywolf

I’m not jealous @daaawnnn

Selling my boyfriend (smau) @luvyeni

Sending them a nude and then saying wrong person @imagine-a-life-like-this

You autocorrect “love” to “hate” on his phone @jinhyun

You got into a stranger’s car because they offered you chocolates @lixie-phoria

How skz would confess to you over text @1025flora

Random texts @cinnamostar

“Would you still love me if i was a worm?” @imagine-a-life-like-this

“Would you still love me if i was a worm?” @ft-3racha

Skz as your doordasher texts @taetr4ck

Princess treatment @wegc

What position y’all in ? @/luvyeni

Finding your tumblr account @/luvyeni

Skz ask you out on a date @/thevampywolf

Cancelling on bff!skz [valentine’s day edition] @jinnify

Note: please let me know if the links are not working! I will try to fix them as soon as possible ^^

#stray kids #stray kids reactions #stray kids masterlist #stray kids smut #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #stray kids recs #bang chan #lee know #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin

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houpss · 2 months

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SKZ in love with you, but you're not theirs

Two members are involved in the work. a few tears, melancholy, unreciprocated love

Bang Chan

Every beautiful person needs their own beautiful person.

Chan was like that, he loved you.

Oh..it seems you love not him, but Hyunjin.

Chan only wants the best for his members and cares deeply about them.

He would never go against them.

Chan never showed his sadness and disappointment, but maybe not this time.

He loves you. he loves your looks, your soul, your smile...he loves everything about you.

But you never noticed him as a boyfriend.

please...why don't you love me?

Chan is used to hiding pain behind a smile and overloading himself with work.

He will pour out unrequited love into songs, he will give free rein to his feelings in music.

Chan would like to take Hyunjin's place, he wanted you to love him. But you love Hyunjin and he loves you.

He wanted to take you away, take you away from everyone, so that you would only know about his existence. Be my universe.

He always wanted you to be happy and let Hyunjin be happy.

Only Bang Christopher Chan is unhappy here.

With trepidation in his soul he treasures the little things you gave him, he treasures your Polaroids and the smell of your perfume.

"I love you....I love you so much...and you....and you love me?" Words locked in his heart, words of his pain.

He will always smile at you and treat you like an angel, even when you announce that you are now Hyunjin's fiancée.

Lee Know

Love is so stupid.

Minho hated being attached, Minho didn't love loving. But he wanted to be loved.

God probably hates him?

Why did he love you and you loved Felix?

Oh..Felix is so kind, so sunny and friendly!

It was impossible not to love Felix.

And Minho was sarcastic, a little rude, but he had a soft soul. who will love his soul?

He was angry with himself because he allowed himself to love you.

He was angry at Felix...no, not really.

It was Felix who made the effort to woo you, he made you fall in love with him.

Felix gave you flowers, gave you gifts and took you on dates. Minho watched this from the shadow of his jealousy.

His soul is like snow, he is gentle, but not everyone loves winter, right?

He will want to confess to you, he is sure of his feelings

Loving is painful, love is never happy.

You love me too, don't you?

He was ready to be your world, but your world is sunny Lee Yongbok.

He confesses, you will accept his feelings... but you love Felix so deeply.

Guilt torments Minho's soul, he blame.

Warm your soul with this lonely love.

Seo Changbin

He listened to you talk about how you liked Yang Jeongin with a smile on his face.

In fact, it is very painful, it breaks soul.

He didn't want to hurt either of you, he didn't want you to be separated because of him.

He just loved you so much.

It hurts so much to see you two so in love with each other.

Jeongin deserved to be happy with you.

"Hyung, I love Y/n so much, she is my ray of light.." Yang Jeongin was happy and Changbin wanted him to be happy.

Why didn't he confess to you at the very beginning?

Perhaps..you would love him too, instead of Jeongin?

He sees your eyes burning with love, your gentle smile and the words frozen on your lips: “My Jeongin so handsome.”

Yes, you are happy next to the maknae.

And who will give happiness to Changbin? Why is he always behind?

He loses you again and again.

You are his first thought in the morning and his last thought at night.

He would probably never be sincerely happy for you.

"Just be happy and I'll handle it"

Hwang Hyunjin

Why Lee Minho?

Why did you love Minho and not him.

Hyunjin remembers everything about you... he was closest to you, he merged with your soul.

But you love Lee Minho.

He didn't even understand how it happened.

He dedicates lyrics and paintings to you, you're his aphrodite.

He sees how much Minho loves you, but what hurts is that you love Minho too.

Hyunjin is the perfect guy, he would be everything to you.

I will miss you and love you more.

Minho gave you so much happiness, Minho was your support and eternal happiness..why wasn’t it Hyunjin?

The boy was so tired of crying in pain at night. He washes himself with tears of pain.

One evening he will come to you in tears, lie quietly next to you and ask only for a little of your presence. Please don't refuse him.

He is like a faithful dog, he will always be faithful to you.

Love is cruel, love leaves deep scars on the heart.

Always in his mind are the words: “She loves Minho, not me.”

Lee Minho is probably the happiest person next to you? Hyunjin wanted it that way too.

It wasn’t him who kissed you that day, it was Lee Minho.

He will never accept the fact that you agreed to become Minho's wife.

He so wanted a little of your love, at least a little of your attention.

Han Jisung

He probably would never have confessed to you.

Chan has already done this.

Chan was such an amazing and good person. Chan was the best leader, rapper, dancer, singer and producer. This man could literally do everything.

What could Jisung do?

He saw how happy you were with Chan, you both glowed with happiness.

And Jisung could only silently swallow the pain and watch you.

The pain is so great that he will cause himself physical harm.

He could never admit his love for you.

But Chan did it, now Chan was kissing you. Jisung had the same dream.

He will withdraw into himself, he will push you away strongly. He hurt you on purpose so that it wouldn’t hurt him so much.

Jisung’s fears got the best of him, he just silently watched as you and Chan lived your best life.

Jisung would love to be your heart or be the love in your heart.

"It was so painful... I really don’t have anyone, you know?”

Jisung was helping Chan choose a ring so Chan could propose to you.

It's so painful to watch someone else's happiness.

He will never get close to you, he will never get into your soul.

He would never stop loving you, it was impossible.

Lee Felix

Felix has known you for so long and loved you just as long.

He wanted you to love him. You were his ideal and his dream.

But there was another person in your heart.

Seo Changbin.

He was always genuinely happy for the two of you. Lie.

Felix never understood why Changbin.

Felix was better...Felix wanted to be better.

He wanted to take a place next to you.

But you no longer loved him.

Changbin was your everything.

Felix knew every little thing about you, he knew your family like he was part of the family.

So why is Changbin next to you and not Felix?

Changbin was handsome, strong, kind and friendly. He smelled good.

But wasn't that what Felix had?

He knew you longer...he loved you more.

Felix is very jealous.

He remembers your friendly kisses on the cheek, but he wanted to taste your lips. They must be so sweet.

He silently watches you and wants to deceive himself that he is happy.

The sun has gone out, you aren't his.

You love Seo Changbin, but not Lee Felix.

Kim Seungmin

Of course, you didn't love him.

You loved Han Jisung.

It hurts, he understood everything perfectly.

Jisung was your boyfriend, your smile and your support. Seungmin could only dream about it.

But was Seungmin worse?

You were close friends with Seungmin, he knew how much you loved Jisung.

He would make sarcastic jokes at the expense of the two of you, hiding the pain behind the sarcasm.

He's even glad that Jisung is protecting you. He won't let you get hurt.

Jisung was a good producer, singer, dancer and rapper...Seungmin didn't have that, but he was the only one who thought so.

Seungmin will try to stop loving you, but he will fall in love with you even more.

You were too perfect.

He will deceive himself, because he thinks that he has stopped loving you.

But as soon as you call him, he will come immediately. He will always come to you.

He will try to smoke to replace one addiction with another.

And he will like it.

"I lit a cigarette when you left so it wouldn't hurt so much"

Last love, cigarette ashes.

Yang Jeongin

So cute, you love Kim Seungmin. And Jeongin loves you.

It hurts to accept that you love his Hyung and not him.

Maybe Jeongin isn't good enough?

Jeongin wanted to confess to you, he wanted to do it romantically and tenderly, he knew how much you loved it.

But Seungmin beat him to it, now Jeongin has lost you.

If Jeongin had rushed...would you have been his?

Now he locks the pain deep in his heart and hopes that you are truly happy with Seungmin.

Seungmin had a beautiful appearance, a beautiful voice and something that Jeongin didn't have.

Seungmin had your love, all your love.

Jeongin would also like at least a little bit of your attention and love.

You always considered him a younger brother and nothing more, you saw Jeongin as a close friend.

He probably didn't have a chance.

Beautiful lies, beautiful pain.

Jeongin will love you and wait for any mistake Seungmin makes.

He will get your attention.

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lixiepixiedust · 3 months

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Unveiling Love | OT8 : Series Masterlist

pairing — ot8 (stray kids) x reader

2/8 done!

note — she/her reader, each part will have their own stories and disclaimers!

Where stray kids learns to unveil their feelings that have been kept behind closed doors.

Bang Chan

Coming soon!

Lee Know

Peach to my Mario

pairing — idolbf!leeknow x f!reader

word count — 2.7k words

warnings — she/her reader, tiny bit of angst, stress, tooth-rotting fluff

summary — Minho always avoids showing affection to you in public which makes his friends and members worry about his relationship, thinking it might not be healthy. However, in private, Minho’s a completely different person. One day, he comes home early and takes the chance to invite you over. During a little gaming sesh, his members accidentally walk in on him being overly sweet with you.

Changbin

Coming soon!

Hyunjin

Coming soon!

Han

Coming soon!

Felix

Coming soon!

Seungmin

Coming soon!

Jeongin

I wanna show you off

pairing — idol!jeongin x f!reader

word count — 5k

warnings — she/her reader, argument, hurt/comfort, exes (?) 2 lovers, jeongin is kinda toxic in a way but only slightly, suggestive themes (making out), reader is drunk, mentions of alcohol and night clubs, unwanted advances towards reader (not from jeongin)

summary — you and jeongin broke up after many arguments about how secret your relationship was. when you find yourself alone and uncomfortable at a club, jeongin comes to your rescue.

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slutrcha · 7 months

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ugh i wanna be in the studio with 3racha everyday and have them bend me over the couch in the studio. like imagine being bent over in front of bang chan as he fucked you from behind, pulling on your hair and groaning from how tight your pussy is around him "this pussy is so tight around me, pretty girl. it was made just for my cock, yeah?" all while binnie uses your mouth how he wants, fucking deep into your throat not caring about you gagging and digging your fingers into his thighs, needing air. "you don’t need to breathe, sweetheart. you love when your throat is full of my cock, don’t you?" your hand stroking hannie while he whimpers and moans your name. "fuck, princess, keep stroking me. just like that— fuuuuck im cumming!" sweet boy cums all over your hand, making a huge mess! but it’s okay right? you’ll clean it right up with your tongue, stuffing your fingers in your mouth and sucking all the cum off your hands as they stare in awe.. they’re so obsessed with you.

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lieslab · 11 months

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Stray Kids find out you’re not eating.

A/N: I think some of you so desperately need this. You’re not alone in your struggles. Please reach out to someone if you need to. No matter how awful you may feel, no matter how much your brain screams at you, you deserve to eat. Please do not forget how precious you are <3

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING: Contains mentions of skipping meals, fainting, weight loss, starvation, exhaustion, hair loss, over-exercising, spitting and chewing, weighing self, and throwing up.

Word Count: 3,800

Genre: Hurt/Comfort and a bit of angst.

_ _ _

Chan:

He knew something was wrong when you declined breakfast and then lunch and at dinner, you slipped up. He was making the two of you food. Standing over the stove, steam floated up from the pot of rice. He worked quickly around the kitchen as you sat at the kitchen table.

The two of you had been sharing snippets about your day. When he grabbed two bowls from the cupboard, that’s when you intervened. “What are you doing?” You asked.

“Getting us bowls for dinner, why?”

“Oh, I’m not hungry, I had a big lunch. Whatever leftovers you have, if you don’t want them, I can eat them later.”

He agreed at first, but then when he thought back to it, you had lunch with him and the guys. You slowly nursed a coffee and insisted you had a stomach ache. Upon realizing this, he turned around to face you. You knew the moment that his eyes hit yours that he caught your lie.

“You didn’t have lunch.”

“I-I did!” You slipped up with a stutter. “It was after I left you and the guys.” Your voice raised an octave. Feeling mortified, you quickly looked down at the floor.

“What’s going on?” He walked over to you and grabbed your hands in yours. His soft voice nearly made you cry. “Why are you lying to me?” When he started rubbing the back of your hands with his thumbs, that’s when you broke completely.

“Okay, so I’ve been skipping meals. It hasn’t been an issue. It’s only for a little bit beca-”

“A little bit? You have to eat. Your body needs energy. If you don’t eat, you’re going to be so tired.”

“But I-”

“No,” he cut you off again. “I’m going to finish making dinner and you’re going to eat some of it, okay?

As much as you wanted to disagree, you knew how much he valued your health. The look of pity that he gave you nearly killed you.”

“Yeah, okay.”

-_-_-

Lee Know:

Lee Know hummed beneath his breath as he brought out canned cat food. At his feet, his three cats sat impatiently. Doongie meowed as he eagerly slithered between Lee Know’s legs.

“You’re going to have to wait patiently,” Lee Know muttered. “We’ve been doing this for years, you guys know the drill.”

You chuckled from your place on the couch. From where you were located, you could see all of them in the kitchen. The meaty smell of cat food floated towards your nose and without warning, your stomach grumbled loudly. So loud, that Doongie’s meow was cut off and he whipped his head towards you as did his siblings.

Lee Know paused his movements. “Are you hungry too?”

“No.”

Your stomach rumbled again and you mentally cursed yourself. You hadn’t eaten since this morning and now it was dinner time. You thought you could make it the whole day without making your hunger obvious.

“I could make you something like uh…” he paused for a moment and looked up trying to think of something.

“No thank you,” you politely declined.

Your stomach rumbled in disagreement. He ignored it and placed the cats’ food on the ground. They raced over to the dishes and began to eat. You stared at them with a clenched jaw. It wasn’t fair that cats didn’t have to worry about things like their weight.

Before you realized what was happening, he snuck up behind you. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he pulled you towards him on the opposite side of the couch. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, I’m just not hungry.”

“Your stomach doesn’t think so.”

You let out a sigh, “I’m trying to lose weight, that’s all.”

“Are you doing it properly?”

“Well…”

“Come on,” he stood up and grabbed your arm, “let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

“Grocery shopping. If you want to lose weight, you’re going to do it the healthy way. We’re going to get stuff to cook healthy meals. I’m not going to sit here and watch you starve yourself.”

“B-”

“No buts. Come on! Soonie, Doongie, and Dori need you to be happy and healthy and so do I. You’ve got to live a long life for us.”

-_-_-

Changbin:

You yelped in shock as hands were wrapped around your waist and your feet left the floor. “What are you doing?” You panicked and squirmed.

“I’m testing my strength! I’ve been working out more in the gym and I want to see if all that hard work is paying off.”

“Changbin, let go of me!”

“No.”

You let out a sigh and crossed your arms over your chest in annoyance until he finally placed you back on your feet. Without warning, he grabbed your wrist and spun you towards him. You let out another yelp as a wave of dizziness swept over you at the sudden movement. You dug your nails into his forearm to steady yourself.

Changbin grabbed your hips to stabilize you and hummed to himself. He let his eyes trail from the top of your head down to the bottom of your feet. Not being able to take it anymore, you asked him what he was doing.

He reached out and placed his hands on your hips. “Uh-huh, just as I suspected.”

“What?”

“You’re not eating properly.”

“And how the fuck do you know that?”

“Well, it was a guess, but you just confirmed my suspicions.”

You groaned as he took your wrist with his hand. He began to pull you along. You struggled to get your legs to move. “Where are we going?”

“To the nearest gas station. We’re going to get you something to eat. Don’t worry about paying, it’s my treat.”

“But the fans,” you started.

“My fans are not me. Just because they don’t like the way you look, it doesn’t mean I don’t. You gotta eat something before you blow away in the wind.”

“Binnie!”

“I’m just saying! What if you blow away? Who will I show my love to then? Who will I show my muscles off to?”

“You’re a pain in my ass.”

“The biggest and the best.”

-_-_-

Hyunjin:

“You’re still not doing it right. It’s right hand and then left hand and then hip pop and spin. Ready?”

You nodded your head with bags under your eyes. You didn’t dare admit that you had been barely eating over the past week. Hyunjin would probably kill you. So with sweat trickling down your forehead and plastering your shirt to your back, you tried it again.

“And five, six, seven, eight!” He called out.

You began to move your body, but halfway through, something went wrong. Black spots swarmed your vision and your mouth went dry. You briefly felt like you were underwater.

Hyunjin watched the whole thing in the practice mirror. You spun and down you went. He watched in horror as your eyes rolled back into your head. Your limbs went limp immediately. Your body slammed into the floor with a thud and your head bounced off the floor.

He instantly dropped down to your side and in the middle of his panic, he shook you. Calling out your name, tears came into his eyes. You nearly gave the poor man a heart attack. It took a few seconds to come back around before you realized what had happened.

You tried to sit up, but he pushed you back down. “Don’t move! Don’t move! Are you okay? Oh my god. Do I need to call an ambulance? I should call an ambulance just to make sure you’re okay.”

“No ambulance,” you mumbled.

“But you just fainted for no reason and yo-”

“No ambulance,” you repeated yourself.

“But yo-”

“I haven’t been eating!” You blurted out. Your head throbbed from hitting the ground. Your stomach had been so empty that it started eating itself.

His voice caught in his throat at first. “What?” He finally got out.

“I haven’t been eating. I just thought that maybe if I stopped eating, I could lose some weight and I-”

“Stop it. Holy fucking shit, I thought you nearly died! Stay right there, I’m going to go find something for you to eat and drink.”

“Hyunjin, I-”

“We’ll talk about that later. Right now, you need to get something in your system before you faint again. Stay right here and don’t move.”

Without another word, he quickly left to get you food and water.

-_-_-

Han:

“Did I do something?” Han stood in the door frame of your bedroom. “Can I try and fix whatever it is? I’m sorry.”

You laid face down in your bed. Your face had been shoved into a fluffy pillow. You didn’t dare move because you didn’t want to see the hurt on his face. You had snapped at Han the moment you came home from work. You hadn’t meant to, you were just so hungry that your mood turned sour. Han just happened to catch you at a bad time.

Your body silently shook as your sobs were absorbed by your pillow. He didn’t say anything else and you thought that maybe he had left feeling more hurt than when he arrived. Han was always afraid of hurting people’s feelings. To know that you were the reason why he was so upset, it killed you.

Upon hearing you sniffle, Han tip-toed further into your dark room. He called your name and waited for you to say something to him. You rolled over and looked at him with a salty mixture of tears and snot running down your face.

“I’m sorry” was the only thing you could find the words to say. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, I’m sorry. It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t do anything, I swear.”

“Did you have a bad day?”

The hurt had left his face completely. All that was left behind was large twinkling brown eyes that were filled with curiosity. That killed you even more. To know that you had to admit what you had been doing to his face.

“I just,” you sniffled again, “I haven’t been feeling the best.”

“You could have told me,” his voice softened. Long arms slid around your waist and pulled you close. “I want to take care of you.”

“I don’t deserve to be taken care of. I’m so fat and ugly and I-”

Shock washed over his face. “What are you talking about?”

“I hate myself and I haven’t been eating because,” tears filled your eyes again. “Because maybe if I stop eating, I’ll lose weight, and people will like me more that way.”

“Who told you that?”

“Society.”

“Well, society fucking sucks. You are fucking beautiful, every single inch of you is perfect. Is this why you’ve been so moody? Because you’re hungry?”

“Has it really been that bad?”

“I thought you were starting to hate me!”

“I could never hate you! I’m sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?”

“How about we watch a movie and eat some food. I know you don’t want to, but I think it might make you feel better.” He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away your tears. “We can work out the rest of your apology later.”

“What movie?”

“Howl’s Moving Castle?”

“I should have known.”

-_-_-

Felix:

“Can I use your laptop to google something?” Felix asked.

“Yeah, just try not to get a virus on it, would you?”

“It was one time!”

“You tried to illegally download your own song and I had to completely wipe everything from my computer.”

“I apologized and you had everything backed up.”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t let you forget about it.” You grabbed your folded pile of clothes and headed towards your bathroom. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I’m holding you to that!”

You shut the bathroom door and locked it behind you. It didn’t take you long to strip out of your clothes and stand beneath the warm spray of the showerhead. Meanwhile, Felix sat criss-cross applesauce with your laptop on his lap.

He began typing in the question he had when google suggested him a google search.

How to lose weight?

And the worst part was that it was highlighted as a previous google search. You had searched that question before. He tried to ignore the uneasiness that washed over him. Everyone had struggled a little with their weight before, right?

He tried to clear it from his thoughts. It wasn’t his business, after all, you had been kind enough to let him use your laptop. He continued typing in his question and that’s when another previous search recommendation popped up.

How to lose 10 pounds in one month?

Before he knew what he was doing, before he could stop himself, he clicked on it. The page reloaded and brought up a wide variety of websites. His stomach dropped at the sight of them. Article after article had been linked and the worst part was that the links were purple instead of blue. You had been visiting each site.

You had clicked on them. You poured over them for hours. Trying to find the latest diet to rapidly lose weight, you craved the high of an empty stomach. The daintiness that came with it. The romanticization of starvation, you fell in love with it. How could you not? All the pretty people were skinny.

Still distraught, he went to the google search history of your laptop and clicked it. His heart shattered in his chest. Link after link, article after article, one random website after the next, after the next. You had spent minutes, no, hours, pouring over every website. You craved the high of it all.

The bathroom door started to open, he closed the tab, and slammed your laptop shut.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” You asked with a smile.

And that’s when it hit him. The brown bags beneath your eyes. You had started to complain that you were tired all the time. Your hair had begun to fall out more than normal. So many things that you had enjoyed doing, you started to turn them down.

His heart shattered in his chest. He had been doing all of that at one point. He knew how awful the whole thing was and yet when it came to you, he hadn’t even realized it. You were so good at hiding it that he didn’t know. He might have never known until he got a hold of your laptop.

“How long have you been starving yourself?”

“What?” You blinked in shock. “What are you talking about?” You tried to deflect the question.

“Don’t lie to me, it’s the only thing in your search history. How long have you been starving yourself? When was the last time you ate?”

“Why does it matter?”

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Two days ago.”

Felix closed his eyes to hide the tears that threatened to pour down his freckled cheeks. He swallowed and tried to pull himself together. “Why?” His soft voice was enough to make you melt.

“I want to be pretty.”

“But you are.”

“Not enough.”

“You’re killing yourself!” He blurted out. Tears filled his eyes faster. “You’re slowly killing yourself and if you keep it up, you’re going to wither away. I can’t lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me.”

“Please come get something to eat with me.”

“Would it make you feel better?”

He nodded.

Your shoulders slumped in defeat. “Okay, let’s go get something.”

-_-_-

Seungmin:

“Seungmin, where the fuck is the bathroom scale?”

“It broke, so I threw it away.”

“You, what?” You shrieked. You tugged at your hair as you tried not to freak out. You hadn’t weighed yourself today and you needed to. How were you supposed to know how much weight you had lost?

“Where is it?”

“Trash.”

“I’ll go get it, I can fix it.”

“They took the trash this morning.”

You froze with your back turned to him. It took everything in you not to turn around and shake him. He didn’t know this about you. He didn’t know how much of an addiction you had to losing weight. No matter what happened, he could never know.

You finally settled on an “oh” and quickly put on a pair of socks and began lacing up your tennis shoes.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“I’m going to walk to the store and get a new scale.”

“You’re going to walk to the store?”

“Uh-huh.”

“The nearest store is two miles away.”

“I could use the exercise.”

“It’s raining,” he continued.

“I’ll take an umbrella.”

“Stop it.”

“What?” You looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

He sat on the edge of a couch with his arms folded across his chest. “You’re not very good at hiding your problems. The swapping full sized meals to protein shakes, exercising more than normal, the constant weighing yourself.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you played dumb. “Is it wrong to take care of my physical health?”

“It is when every meal you’ve had for the past two days, you’ve been chewing it and spitting it into your napkin.”

The color washed out of your face at once. “How did yo-”

“Nobody goes through four different napkins while they’re eating food. Not to mention, I found them in the trash can after you left the table. The bathroom scale is fine, but I think it’s going to stay hidden for a while.”

“But I-”

He shot you a narrowed glare.

“It’s probably for the best,” you mumbled; feeling annoyed that your plans had been destroyed.

“Grab that umbrella and let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

He stood up and walked over towards you. “The restaurant down the road. You need to eat something that doesn’t taste like chocolate chalk.”

“The protein shakes aren’t that bad.”

“You’re only saying that because you’ve been starving yourself and everything tastes good when you’re starving. Come on, let’s go get some food in your stomach.”

-_-_-

I.N:

You had completely panicked when I.N announced that his parents wanted to meet you and have dinner. You had been struggling recently with eating. You could barely keep up the act of eating in front of I.N let alone having his parents make you a meal that you had no control over.

If you didn’t eat it, it’d be considered incredibly rude, and you didn’t want to offend them. He was so happy when he brought up the topic, that you didn’t dare turn it down and destroy his happy mood.

So you went and you smiled and you played it cool. When a large portion of food was sat in front of you, you smiled as it was served. You laughed along and tried to maintain the role that I.N had designated you as. You answered questions and you asked questions.

You had been the perfect guest. You did everything right, but when you got home, you fell apart. You were so physically aware of the amount of food in your stomach that it made you want to throw up. You were nauseated and bloated and you had eaten too much. You didn’t want to be rude when you were offered a second portion, so you took it.

When you came back home, you patted your pockets and faked a panic. Your phone was missing and you couldn’t find it. You had dug through your purse frantically and checked under your seat, but you couldn’t find your phone.

I.N started looking for it and as he was doing that, you swore you’d be back, but you had to go to the bathroom. You darted towards the house, unlocked it, and let yourself in. You scrambled towards the bathroom and dropped in front of the toilet. Forcing two fingers down your throat, you heaved and made the food come back up.

Over and over you went, fingers scraping up along your two front teeth. Tears streamed down your cheeks and vomit contaminated toilet water splashed your face. Stomach acid coated your teeth. It made you feel awful, but, at least, you were getting rid of all the food you had consumed.

I.N hadn’t found your cell phone. He went into the house to tell you that he was going to head back to his parents’ house to look for it. Perhaps you dropped it on your way out of the house or in the driveway. When he heard the sound of you retching, he hurried towards the bathroom.

There he found you with your phone sitting face down on the bathroom sink. Two fingers lodged into the back of your throat. You hadn’t noticed him and he was too shocked to say something. He watched as you did it over and over again.

Saliva covering your fingers, drool dripping down the corners of your mouth, tears trickling down your cheeks, he saw all of it. At some point, he realized what was happening and rushed over towards you. A tender hand was placed upon your shoulder.

You jumped at his touch and ripped your fingers out of your mouth quickly. With wide eyes, you felt like a deer caught in headlights. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Not long. Are you okay?” He had been there for a while, but he didn’t want to make you feel worse.

You shook your head and began crying. Your shoulders heaved as heavy sobs racked your body. You hadn’t been okay for a while and this had been your breaking point. You felt miserable and disgusting and guilty. Without meaning to, you had traumatized the poor boy.

“I’m sorry I lied about the phone,” you got out.

“Why were you…” He trailed off.

“I’ve been struggling with eating,” you sniffled. “We went to see your parents and they were so nice. They’re such lovely people and I didn’t want to be mean and say no. I didn’t want to disappoint them, so I ate dinner and then I felt so disgusting,” you spat. “I felt so gross!”

“It’s not your parents fault, their food was amazing, but I-”

“I think I understand. Let’s get you cleaned up.” He cautiously grabbed your forearm and lifted you up from your spot on the floor. “How about a shower? I’ll go get you some clean clothes, okay? After that, I can bandage up your fingers.”

You mumbled a quiet agreement.

Before he left, he kissed the top of your forehead. “We’ll figure it out together, okay?”

You silently nodded.

It was for the best.

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