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haechanokeh · 3 years

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I’m right for you [pt. 3]

[teaser] [ Chapter 1 ] [ Chapter 2 ]

(you can play Die For You by The Weeknd while reading this 😌)

pairing: popular college! mark x average! reader

genre: romance, smut, angst, series.

warning: corruption, oral sex (both receiving and giving), cream pie, rough sex, mention of religion, rough sex, self-esteem, psychology, public sex, sub! reader, sex toys. possessive mark two-faced mark

I think I’m right for you, babe. You know what I’m thinking, see it in your eyes. You hate that you want me, hate it when you cry. It ain’t workin’ ‘cause you’re perfect and I know that you’re worth it I can’t walk away. (Die for you by The Weeknd)

today is you case presentation with mark. you were deeply affected of what happened in the cubicle but mark seemed unbothered because he was greeting you as usual. it wasn’t weird, he always greets everyone but what was really weird was your classmates. they were looking at you and it made you felt conscious, they were not saying anything but sometimes you catch them glancing at you but you brushed it off and focus on your brainstorming with mark.

yes you do dislike mark but you thank god that he's your partner. he never missed a question from your professor during case study on the other hand you're just standing beside him dumbly. you only understand the question AND the answer once mark responded. well, mark a very kind person he was, despite of answering it alone he made sure that you're included in the case saying base in y/n and my research, even lied that some are from my own research but of course not. plus, for some odd reason, your classmates' eyes were literally made you uncomfortable to the point you were having a hard time to breathe or your social anxiety attacking you. however, at the very moment, you want to give mark a tight hug for making your life easy.

the whole presentation ended. you were putting your things back to your back while standing while mark scrolling in his phone because his dad texted him asking if he could buy him some new pen. you gasped when an arm was on your shoulder, and that caught mark's attention but he hid his annoyance.

"hey, y/n, i heard you like someone ha?" his brows were playfully raising. it was lucas, he gave mark a meaningful glance but mark smiled confusingly.

"what?" you didn't have any idea what he's telling you.

"i heard someone saw-"

"mark!" mina suddenly appeared calling mark's name a little too loud which made lucas stop from talking. "we're going to a milk tea house, do you want to come with us?"

“y/n, come with us.” lucas pulled you closer to his body. mark was taring at lucas arm around your shoulder. you weren’t aware of mark’s expression because your mind was thinking ways to breakthrough from lucas.

“no!” mina exclaimed. he caught everyone’s attention, and she became flustered. “i mean, we will only make her feel uncomfortable and lucas please remove your arms to y/n, she doesn’t look comfortable.” she mumbled. lucas did remove his arms from you.

“milk tea? can we also come with you?” then the people started to surround mark. it became noisy, knowing you who’s allergic to people and noise sneaked out from the circle and left the room.

mark turned his head to look at you but you’re nowhere to be found. he sighed and forced himself to interact with his classmates.

your mother texted you that he will be away for one week because of their excursion. she left you an allowance good for one week including your meals for the whole day and transportation. you already had your dinner outside. right now you were just laying down on your favorite long sofa in your living room, watching NCT 2020 funny moments. suddenly, mark's name popped. mark is your class representative, he has access to class contacts and it wasn't that mark called you because you're always late in the class so for almost past 3 years he's the one you always contact just to inform the class that you're just late.

wait, did i miss an announcement? you quickly left the class maybe something came up.

"hello, was there an announcement?" you directly asked

"none, just checking you. we haven't had a proper conversation awhile ago unless it's case related."

you heart melted, he's very kind and sweet... that scares you.

"ah okay." you simply answered. it wasn't because you want to talk to him, well you really don't want to talk to him but it wasn't that he's annoying or anything- it was just you hate phone calls. you hate talking with someone in general unless it's your mom.

"well, have you eaten yet?" he tried to save the conversation, he wanted to hear your voice longer.

"yes." it was a one-word reply.

mark was slightly shattered because you don't seem to want to talk to him. he just thought that maybe you were tired.

"okay, goodnight."

"yeah." then you hang up.

you returned watching youtube until you drifted into your dreamland... no it wasn't your dreamland.

you gasped and sat up as you woke from another perverted dream with mark. your chest was rising aggressively and you look down as you felt the wetness between your thighs. you raked your hands over your hair as you felt frustration and guilt. this was your second time that you dreamt of mark doing erotic things. you looked at the digital clock it was already 2 am. you groaned and stood up, you want to wash your body because the stickiness just made you feel more guilty if it stays there longer.

you entered your room and stripped, walking directly into your bathroom. you opened a warm shower and as the water trickled on your body, hands unconsciously trailing to the south. your dream was so hot, you can't lie about that. it was in the same cubicle but instead of his digits, it was his dick inside you.

your eyes closed as you rubbed your bead slow while recalling your dream. you squeezed your left breast and imagining it was mark's squeezing it. you want something to fill your womanhood so you inserted your two fingers and thrust it. your lungs felt like being suppressed by pressure, your thrust became furious.

"oh my- mark fuck." you moaned his name and you have never been so ashamed. it was so wrong but the feeling was so good that you weren't able to stop yourself from moaning. you felt the tension in your thighs. you knelt down and the hand that squeezing your breast was now on your clit rubbing it furiously.

"mark! fuck right there." you felt the tension in your abdomen and your legs started to shake. your body just gave in, bending down, cheek shoved against the wet tiles while the warm water splashed on your body.

you screamed erotically, eyes rolling and lashes flickering. your legs were shaking as you reached your high.

mark hasn't slept yet, it's okay for him because there are no classes. he was staring at the ceiling and mind preoccupied by you.

he was trying to understand why do you keep pushing him away even though you clearly wanted him too. mark did remember where you say he's very different from you, and so? what's wrong with it? what he didn't like is the thought of changing just for a single person but...

"shall i?" he chuckled bitterly. he was really close to his insanity. he feared that this affection will grow into something that is uncontrollable- like an obsession.

he checked the time through his phone. it's 5 in the morning. he decided to jog outside, so, he took a quick shower and wore his tracksuit and running shoes. maybe if tiredness hits him, he will feel sleepy. mark already went to your house and he didn't tell you that his house is just a few blocks away from you, instead of going to his normal route, he changed it, jogging in your house direction.

when he was closed to your street, he was surprised to see you outside. he stood and admire your naturalness from afar. your hair was disheveled, your eyes weren't completely closed yet, and your face was a little puffy but it doesn't take away your beauty. plus, your cute teddy bear pajamas made him smile. he sends his gratitude to god because he created a masterpiece.

yeah, mark is deeply in love and he thinks there's no way out of this feeling.

you were actually waiting for your breakfast, your pancakes from mcdonalds and a warm chocolate drink. when the delivery arrived, you paid and gave him a tip for being quick. you were about to go back inside when you heard a VERY familiar voice which was owned by the person who sleep deprived you

"Y/N!" his voice was loud, it even cracked.

"what are you doing here?" you asked.

"morning jog, and good morning to you." he replied and greeted at the same time.

"jog.." you paused and gasped. "from your condo to here?!" you exclaimed in disbelief. mark laughed at your reaction. of course it'll shock you because you already been in his condo and if he jogged it from there to here, he was supposed to be passing out right now.

"no, my family house is actually a few blocks away from here." he said.

WHAT?! this is not good. you thought. the more he gets closer the more he has access to your mind and body. you masked your displeased face and just nodded.

"okay, ahm. i'm heading back now. bye." you pointed at your house door and awkwardly turned your back walking towards your door.

you expected him to do something because he always do that but to your disappointment he didn't. you looked back to check if he was stil there but he was no longer standing there but you saw him jogging away from your direction. you sighed in disappoinment that made you mentally slap yourself for feeling very contradicting .

you ate miserably your affordable and favorite pancake.

mark took a bathe and go down to eat breakfast together with his parents. they prayed before eating. the cooked food by his mom made him question why your ordered delivery food for breakfast.

"how's school?" mark's dad asked him.

"good, still the same." he replied.

"your father will lead a service, you can invite your classmates. oh mina, you can invite her, she's very sweet girl." his mom said but she doesn't have any motive. she knew mark have not interest in romantic relationship as of the moment, her child was so focus in maintaining his grades and scholarship. at least, that's what he though.. if she only knew.

"i'll try." he forced a smile but behind it was growing tiredness. he knew that his classmates doesn't really want to praise but because they were so fond of mark and they just love to hang out. it defeated the purpose of going to church.

after the breakfast, mark's parent left for their work. he washed the dishes and went up stairs and stayed in his room with his music and guitar. it helped to detach his mind from thinking of you, but it was just temporary as he saw you name appeared in his phone. he almost threw his guitar just to answer your call very quick.

"y/n? why?" he sound so excited.

"ahm, mark... well.. perhaps, do you ahm, have notes from yesterdays discussion? i mean in all cases, not just ours?" you were very stuttering because of shyness. your class have long test about the cases but you're notes are everywhere and you can't understand your writings.

"yes." he said. he knew where this is going. he quickly get out from his bed and go straight to his closet, choosing shirt to wear. "do you need it? i can bring it to you."

"no, no. ahm, you do digital notes right? mind if you could send it through gdrive?" you really don't want to bother him... nah lies. you're just preventing things from happening.

mark paused for a moment and was a little hurt, he understood your statement as if you don't want to see him. but mark will not having any of that.

"it was handwritten though." he faked sorry. he hoped you didn't notice what he did there, hoping that you received it as if it was literally handwritten like directly to paper since he sounded apologetic.

"oh... i see. well, ahm, can you drop by in the house?"

mark still not satisfied by just dropping by.

"how about we study together? we can review together."

you translated it like 'the smartest in your class can help you'and that's very tempting. you can't easily study 8 cases and you need him. you used his diuretics notes in lecture, you almost aced it. now, your lab needs him.

"then, pizza is okay for you?" you whisoered from the other end.

mark secretly fist pump and grinned in triumph.

"yes."

you spayed air freshener in your living room and changed your shirt to another shirt? you only have tees just in different colors, you changed your short into black sweatpants. you made sure that your hair was far different from the hair he saw this morning. you already ordered the pizza.

the doorbell rang. your quickly opened the door for him. mark was standing, carrying his ipad and his other hand holding a two milk teas in a cup holder. he's wearing dark blue t-shirt and gray sweatpants. you smiled awkwardly and let him in. you scanned his body, looking for paper or at least a piece of paper but you didn't see any of it. mark was looking down at you, watching you observing him.

"where's your notes?" you curiously asked.

"here." he lifted his ipad. your jaw dropped.

"i thought you did not do digital notes?"

"i don't recalling telling you i didn't, i just said it was handwritten and when i saif that handwritten in my ipad." he reasoned. taht made you think later realizing that he was right and that made you dumb.

you sighed in defeat.

"by the way, bought you milk tea since you missed it yesterday." he said, you acually don't care if you missed it or not.

you walked towards the single couch and patted it.

"you can seat here." you said.

he quickly sat down and put the milk teas on top of your living room's table. he confusingly watched you when you sat on the long couch and it was the end of it. you were too far from him.

you noticed his sulking face.

"mr. mark lee, what's with your long face?" you chuckled teasingly.

"why are you too far from me?" he pouted.

"damage control." you replied shortly and get your case 3 notes which is very illegible to read. "can i borrow your case 3?"

"why? what did i do?" mark asked was clueless. he did not pay attention to your question

"mark, being alone with you is not healthy anymore." you directly answered him.

"orgasm is healthy, what do you mean?" mark didn't get your.

"mark, that's not what i mean. we're like horny teenagers doing unappropriate things."

"we're already passed in that phase in life, we're both adults." he rebutted.

you mentally face palmed yourself in frustration. why is he so smart and dumb at the same time.

"mark, that's not why i mean. we're being to touchy, every time we are left alone the next thing we knew we're touching each other. do you know how scary was that to me? it only happened twice but i am already longing for more! when i don't feel your touches i go craaazy! i even touched myself for freaking 2-" you froze when you realize what you were telling him you stared blankly at him.

on the other hand, mark was very pleased hearing you exploded from frustration as you became honest for the first time.

"you touched yourself? what 2?" he smirked and lifted his brows.

you cleared your throat.

"can i borrow your ipad? i need your case 3." you murmured and look anywhere but him your face heat up. you want to be swallowed by your favorite sofa.

"then get it."

you look at his ipad sitting on his manly wide spread apart thighs. your eyes stared at the mark that makes your knees weak and wet pussy. his fiery eyes looking directly toyou while he was sitting comfortably on the couch and arms are both in each side of the armrest.

"mark lee, i need it." you tried to use your stern voice but failed because your voice was too small.

"i told you, you can get it.. here." he glanced at his ipad.

you gulped and the living room's air became thick. your submissive self switched on and you just found yourself walking towards him. your hands felt cold as you reached for his ipad. when you lifted it, his bulge forming in his gray sweatpants made you almost drool. you were reminded how fucking hot it was.

you want to touch it and do anything you can possibly could but your single rational braincells keeping you in the light.

"you don't seem sure of what you really wanted to do." he snapped you from overthinking. "should i make you choices?"

"what?" you asked confusingly but your voice was shaking.

"you bring that ipad with you and go back to where you were sitting, or..." he looked up to you with his dark eyes, leaning a little forward you trace the side of your hips with his palm..

"put the ipad on the table and sit in my lap."

mark knew that you can never say no at this state. if you could only see how your body shivered and how defeated your face was, he knew you already gave in.

and his was right.

the original draft was deleted because of my stupidity 😭 idk think this is good as the original draft.

hello, some of you asked me if i have a tag list, i will be creating one.

✨if you want to be added in I'm Right For You Tag List, you can DM or Ask me so i can add you ✨

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Tag List:

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anyways, i would like to say thank you for supporting this story. i did not expect some of you will like it. i also want to thanks people who leaving message through dms and ask praising this story. also to those nctzens hearting it 🥺🤗

#mark lee #nct mark #mark lee smut #mark lee fanfic #mark lee nct #mark lee imagines #mark lee scenarios #mark #nct 127 #mark lee angst #nct #mark lee imagine #nct dream #nct 127 smut #mark lee scenario #mark smut

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girlofprey7 · 3 years

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Why Apritello works/doesn’t work:

a short analysis and essay about April and Donatello’s overall dynamic and development in the 2012 show.

Apritello as a pairing is a pretty damn controversial topic in the TMNT 2012 fandom, and with good reason. Some fans may dislike or be against April because of her apparent rudeness or ungrateful nature towards everyone’s favourite brainy turtle, and Donatello may be thrown under the bus for his questionable and quote on quote ‘creepy’ behaviour towards April in the earlier seasons. Because of these observations, it has lead many fans to believe that relationship is unhealthy, toxic, and even going as far to call it emotionally abusive.

Today, we’re going to be looking at WHY fans may come to that conclusion, while also trying to look at the positive and promising sides of their relationship, in order to work out if their relationship works or not. We’ll be going through the moments where both sides have shown signs of toxicity, as well as signs of respect, trust, and love.

Also I just wanna say that this is my personal opinion, and though I am trying to fully consider all points from both sides of the argument, if you don’t agree with my overall thoughts, that’s perfectly fine. Just please keep your anti posts out of the Apritello tag where us fans can’t see them.

First we’ll be starting off With the Crusher himself, Donatello.

Let’s look at his examples of his toxic behaviour first:

He did follow her around New York in Target:April O’Neil. I may love Donnie, but I’m not going to deny that this decision was wrong, nor am I going to make excuses for him. He should have given April time to come to terms with herself, instead of following her and pushing her further over the edge. This was not a good thing to do, and while I wouldnt call it whole heartedly toxic, it was highly disrespectful of April’s space.

He tried to close up on her face when he was watching her with Metal head on the roof top. This is also highly disrespectful of April’s space, and could also be considered quote on quote ‘creepy’. There’s not much to say about this scene since it was pretty short, but all I can say is that he didn’t attempt to do it again after April called him out, though it still wasn’t respectful of him to do.

He got really jealous whenever April got remotely close to Casey, or when Casey got close to April. This is only in season 2 and maybe early 3 as far as I can see, but Donnie really didn’t do well whenever Casey was around April. He tried to pull them apart aggressively from hugging in Chinatown ghost story, and would constantly childishly fight and bicker with him for April’s attention. This is definitely an example of possessive nature, but I wouldn’t call it controlling nature as well, as he never outright insulted her or judged her for hanging out with Casey, he just bickered and fought with him.

Ok, so currently that’s all the So called toxic behaviour I can think of that was in the show, but maybe I’ll be able to find more examples that people use once I watch more of the series again.

Now, let’s move on to April’s purely Toxic behaviour in the relationship:

She stopped any chances of Donnie communicating his feelings or their relationship to him. The main example being in the invasion when she silenced his confession, while nervously saying that it just makes things hurt more. While her motivation behind this behaviour is still up for debate, I won’t deny that she should have tried to listen to what he had to say first, as well as try to communicate her own emotions better with him too. This is an example of miscommunication, and bad communication between a pair.

She would often get annoyed at him when he tried to help her or protect her, like in the Kraang conspiracy when he told he he’d protect her in the fight, and she responded with, ‘protect yourself,’ in a frustrated tone. She could have told Donnie that she didn’t need his help and that she could take care of herself politely, but she made a bad choice with her words and tone. This is an example of lashing out, without thinking of the partners feelings first. But this not completely count as emotional abuse.

She yelled at him, blaming him for losing her Crystal in Bats in the Belfry. This WAS partially caused by the fact the Crystal was controlling part of her emotions and actions, but it was still a hurtful thing to do to Donnie, who was trying to be patient with her throughout. This is an example of ungratefulness towards your partner, as well as lashing out and not considering their feelings first. Again, this is a bad thing to do either way, but I’ll have to look at her other instances in order to determine whether it’s truly emotional abuse.

(I don’t know whether her not actually outright telling either Casey or Donnie how she felt should be considered totally toxic behaviour or not, so I’m just gonna leave it as a half point for her lack of responsibility with the triangle.)

She doesn’t always appreciate him, or show her appreciation when he does something nice for her. This may be connected to number 2, in which when he would attempt to protect her or help her with something, she would sometimes respond in a stubborn and annoyed manner, not being fully appreciative of his help.

Ok, so again, this is all the so called toxic behaviour that fans usually seem to bring up while talking about The relationship, but this is also all the instances I remember her displaying in the series, but if I think of any more examples that people use I’ll add them.

(Also the claim that she may have been making mixed messages is connected to number one if you were wondering.)

Now before we move on, I just want to say something real quick. I love Apritello. Yeah it’s got it’s flaws, but I mostly blame the writers for that, and not the actual characters themselves. Hell, even with the problems I think it was pretty well written for an action show overall.

Also, I’m not trying to decipher which one of the pair had the most toxic behaviour, or who was the problem in their relationship, since both April AND Donnie have done things that I don’t agree with. I’m just trying to figure out whether the good on both sides, outweighs the bad on both sides.

So now, we’ll be looking at the pairs examples of respect/support/love/and trust.

Starting with Donnie:

When he comforted April when she was infected with the gas in Fungus Humungous, he never tried to take advantage of her fearful state, and instead just wanted to make sure she was Ok. This is an example of respect and support towards a partner, and not attempting to further your chances of being with them. Though Donnie still has his undeniable love for her (yes and at this point I’m pretty sure it passed crush territory), he is still able to treat her as a friend and comfort her without the motivation of getting with her.

When he followed April in mutagen man, though it was undeniably a bad thing to do, when April chewed him out for it and said without hesitation, ‘I never want to see you again,’ he felt guilty and remorse for it, and stopped doing it after that. He didn’t follow her again, knowing she needed space after the incident with her dad. This is what separates him from being a stalker. A true stalker would know what they’re doing is wrong, feel absolutely no remorse or guilt for it, and continue doing it even when he is told to stop. Donnie felt guilty and bad about it, even though he didn’t necessarily know what he was doing could be considered wrong, and stopped doing it. This is why he isn’t a stalker, and also shows his respect for April’s space and feelings.

When he gave April a music box in A foot too big, (yeah you knew I was gonna talk about this episode eventually) she acted uncomfortable with his forward ness, as well as the fact that he said nothing the whole time and the box was another obvious ploy to start something between them, showed by the picture of him inside, as well as the heart on the front. After living with big foot, he realised his actions were uncomfortable to her, once again felt guilty and remorse for it, and apologised to her at the end of the episode. He respected what she felt, and was willing to sacrifice his happiness for her. He stopped his behaviour after that and became more chilled and subtle with his crush. Sure he still bickers with Casey like the episode after, but I think that’s just their dynamic/relationship more than it is them fighting for April. My point is, he improved as a person because of HER.

He trusts April to make her own choices and shape her own path and goals in life. An abusive or toxic partner wouldn’t approve of your goals or chosen path, and would instead attempt to steer you away from them in order to change who you are. Donnie however supported April on becoming a kunoiche, and becoming a capable fighter like him and his brothers. He wasn’t at all threatened by her improved growth or skill, nor did he feel the need to put her down or make her weaker just to make himself feel more important. Hell, he even laughed with pure happiness when she took out Tigerclaw with that badass kick, showing that he loves what she’s become, and loves the path she’s made for herself.

He always allows HER to make the moves of affection, and never forcibly kisses her or hugs her without knowing she’s ok with it first. Again, this shows he respects her personal space as well as her wants in the relationship.

He knows when she’s gone too far, and though he does call her out on it, he still does it respectfully. Like the arc with the Aeon crystal and was acting out. He knew the Crystal was making her act that way, and wanted to help her overcome it instead of pretending that it wasn’t a problem. I have more to say on this particular point later, but I’ll wait till I find more prominent examples.

In the Gauntlet, when she broke down after her dad got captured for (I think) the second time, when she went to him for comfort, he comforted her and promised her that they’d get him back. Just like with the first example, he wasn’t trying to take advantage of her state to get with her or anything, he just wanted to be there for her, and make sure she was ok. Not as a romantic, but a friend.

He helped calm her down when she was mad at Shinigami after being beaten, telling her to not let her get to her, therefore calming her down. This is a sign of support of the others feelings and trying to make them feel better.

(This is more of a good thing on both sides as well as just something I find funny and endearing) they both bicker with one another in a banter sort of way. Remember the ‘bait doesn’t talk back’ and the ‘real kunoiche on our side?’ . He may be crushing on her, but that still doesn’t mean he’s not gonna blurt sassy facts at her and bicker with her. He still aknowledges that she has flaws, but as we’ve constantly seen, he still loves her flaws and all.

He apologised and took responsibility for his mistake with the transmitter at the end of eyes of the chimera, trying to make April feel better by even bringing her a hot beverage after the fiasco. This is a sign of looking out for the other and owning up to your mistake that may have hurt them.

Now let’s move onto April:

She apologised to Donnie personally for holding the grudge, and thanked him for sticking by her even when she was mad at him. She wasn’t thanking him for following her or anything like people may think, just thanking him for still being patient and kind with her. Also, while she was holding the grudge, she remembered what he had told her in Target, ‘some things are just beyond our control’. Which may have had a partial role in helping her come to her senses again.

She ALWAYS calls Donnie whenever she’s in trouble or in danger. I’ve seen this labelled off as codependency or her taking advantage of his feelings, but I see it much differently. In my opinion, this shows how much trust she has in him to save her, and help her whenever she needs it.

It was her memories of Donnie that helped her break the control of the Crystal. Donnie unconsciously motivated her be strong enough to defeat Za Naron and break her corruption. She broke through it, and became better, because of him.

She tried her best to get through to him TWICE in the Dream beavers episode. She was gentle and careful with him all the while (well apart from when she was slapping him to wake up, but that was when she was desperate). She was almost always seen by his side, and was close to panicking when he stopped breathing. And as soon as she found out he was Ok, she kissed him. Not for gratitude, not because she needed to make him feel better, but because she was happy he was ok.

When Donnie got injured in Monkey Brains, she told the guys off for teasing him, and was the only one to help nurse him back to health, being gentle and kind with him throughout.

She calls him out on his behaviour when she knows he’s doing something wrong. A lot of people see it as a bad thing when she tells him off for his poor decisions and behaviour, but I see it as a thing their relationship needs. A toxic relationship would most likely have both partnered not aknowledging the bad things that either one has done, and pretending it didn’t happen, or just be uncertain with telling them off. April doesn’t do this with Donnie. She aknowledges when he’s doing something bad, and call him out for it. In Target, she did t sugar coat it or stay silent about Donnie following her. She told him that he was doing something wrong, regardless of his intentions, and that he had to stop and respect that she needed to be alone right now. And like I said, he backed off and never did it again. And again, he improved, because of her.

She got mad at Casey for laughing at Donnie when he was stung badly on Dreggs planet, and was the one to help him back to the ship to be healed. When she knew he was ok, she kissed him again like in In Dreams, simply because she was happy he was Ok.

In Of rats and men, when Donnie told her that they had this covered, she responded with, ‘you always do,’ while smiling warmly, and with him smiling back. Romantic or not, this again shows the amount of respect and trust they have for each other. April instead of insisting she help or stubbornly barge back in, simply showed a sign of trust with him, knowing that had faith in him, and his brothers. This scene alone just shows the trust they have in their friendship, romantic or not, and that’s one of the things that makes them work in my opinion.

In the end of eyes of the Chimera, when Donnie apologised to April for using the transmitter on her, she wasn’t upset with him at at all. She’s said she was glad that Donnie used the transmitter on her because it allowed her to access her powers and learn to use them more. She tried to see Donnies mistake in a positive light, and appreciated him for his help nevertheless. This is an example of appreciation towards a partner, and aknowledging that their intentions are good and seeing them in a positive light instead of being disappointed with them.

For my final words, I just want to put in what the most common definition of an abusive/toxic relationship is.

In my definition, it is any relationship between people who don’t support eachother, where there’s constant conflict, and one often seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition and disrespect, and most importantly, degrade and become worse as people just by being with one another.

And as far as I can see within the examples I’ve listed, both Donnie and April support each other throughout everything bad that happens to them, any conflicts that befall them they manage to get through, and have never purposely sought to undermine or hurt the other.

I want you to look at that last sentence again, and ask yourself: did April and Donnie grow as people or become better with overcoming their problems by being with one another? Because in my opinion, that’s how you really separate a toxic relationship from a good one.

So as for the question, are Donnie and April toxic or healthy?

Well, in my opinion, they DO work together, and their relationship is NOT abusive or toxic in any way shape or form. Both Donnie and April, though they had their flaws in the beginning, unconsciously and consciously helped eachother become better versions of themselves by being there for eachother throughout the series, as I have illustrated with the majority of my points.

And that my friends, is pretty damn FAR from abusive. In fact, that’s pretty much the complete OPPOSITE of abusive.

#tmnt 2012 #analysis #tmnt 2012 april #tmnt leonardo #tmnt apritello #healthy relationships #toxic relationship #reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

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avversiera-writes · 3 years

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touch your heart [senju tobirama/you] - chapter 5

Summary: Hashirama might go down as the worst matchmaker in history, but he thinks he might be on to something. Tobirama sees through his brother's schemes and is determined not to fall for it. Or fall for you.

Word Count: about 4k

AO3 LINK TO TOUCH YOUR HEART

AOR SERIES LINK TO ‘TIL DEATH DO US PART

[<<<CHAPTER ONE] [CHAPTER TWO] [CHAPTER THREE] [CHAPTER FOUR]

While asking Tobirama for help to strengthen yourself is a huge relief, it also means spending a lot more time with him than usual. You appreciate him for taking the time of his day to help you out and you are determined to make his time’s worth. You are also learning more about him which is something you thought would never happen, despite your weird and terrorizing attempts at doing so. In truth, while you are good at reading people quickly based on your observations and instincts, you are not the best at building relationships or getting along with people. From your uncanny ability to insult people and the mask you purposely put on, it’s no wonder why Tobirama dislikes you from the get go.

You are curious as to what Tobirama thinks of this sudden arrangement between the two of you. Does he think that this is an inconvenience and would rather spend his time somewhere else? You reckon so, based on his attitude towards you from the beginning, but through some observation, you learn that Tobirama’s patience is displayed in the way he explains things. You are starting to suspect that this is what he likes to do.

He keeps a neutral expression, but you can sense that he is not tense. His voice is calm, and he elaborates clearly and effectively. When you have questions, he does not give you a look of condescending distaste, and acts in a composed way that validates your questions. You now understand why Hiruzen looks up to his sensei.

Today, he has you studying hand seals: how to do them, read the written kind and also write them. He reasons that instead of having you go through countless basic exercises, he wants you to hone your concentration and focus. He also decides that he needs to examine your chakra thoroughly right now. His examination on you is too close, because his hand is on top of your shoulder and he is staring at you with a sharp concentration that makes your witty words disappear.

He pulls away and looks straight into your eyes, and you can only stare back, dumbfounded. He looks too handsome up close, and your heart begins to pick up and all his words fall deaf to your ears. You are sweating, and your hair sticks to the back of your neck. Your head feels like it is spinning, and your thoughts race as you notice the small distance between the two of you. Your body decides that this is a major fight or flight situation because you are suddenly raising a hand towards his chest to push him back.

Tobirama takes a step back, and confusion paints his face for a second.

You clear your throat. “Sorry, what was that?”

Tobirama blinks and he averts his eyes. “Hand seals will focus your chakra, and that will strengthen your pathways. We can examine it later in depth with a doctor or even with my brother, but so far, they are not permanently damaged.”

You nod, and you try to backtrack on what you were thinking, but you cannot get ahold of your thoughts. You let it be, and decide to compartmentalize that later.

“May I ask what happened to you?” Tobirama bluntly says and he folds his arms.

You cock your head towards him and you also fold your arms.

“I mean, logically speaking, this type of damage is not possible when you are not using your chakra,” Tobirama begins. “You said you never had proper education but that does not mean your pathways will get severed for not being used.”

You freeze, unsure how to reply to him. You inhale through your nose.

“Have you been poisoned?” Tobirama prods. “That’s the only way I know you can do damage to your pathways in your case.”

Dread washes down from your head, your torso, and it spreads to your limbs until you can feel your fingers tingling. Your hands are now clutching your arms to comfort yourself.

You hear your mind raise alarm bells, and decide to clear your throat to silence them. You know that acting like your usual superfluous self will not help your case. “Yeah, something like that.”

Tobirama narrows his eyes, paying extra attention to your answer.

“Also, I don’t need a doctor,” you add, feeling your voice detach from your body. It sounds alien. “It’s not that serious.”

Tobirama stares at you, doubtful. He steps closer, and you are aware of his towering height over you. For other people, it might be intimidating, but to you, it is annoying. Your head snaps up and you shoot him the best menacing glare you can manage at the moment and it works because he falters and he steps back again.

“I asked for help,” you remind him. “For basic techniques. Please don’t take it farther than that. Keeping it professional, remember?” You attempt to make your tone sound joking, but it sounds strained and an octave higher.

Tobirama is frowning now, and you cannot help but feel that you might have hurt his feelings. His fingers twitch, searching for something to hold on to.

You clap your hands together, as if that will negate the weird atmosphere brewing between the two of you.

You let out a sigh, and suddenly feel the need to backtrack. You know that he has only good intentions at the moment. You remind yourself that it might not be easy for him to do this with you, especially since he does not like you in the first place. Truthfully speaking, Tobirama is the one being professional here so you make a mental note to treat others more kindly than you’re used to.

“Sorry, that was unwarranted,” you say apologetically. “Let’s just move on?”

“Right,” Tobirama murmurs, uncertain. He reaches behind him and takes out a scroll. “Keep in mind the hand signs I just taught you and watch this.”

Tobirama glances at you, and then he lays out the scroll on the ground. You see a bunch of simple seals written on them, and you recognize the needed hand seals that the written ones require from you.

“You see how they’re all jumbled and interlocked together?” Tobirama gestures at the writings on the paper.

The characters are small and are grouped in columns. Their lines originate from the corners of the page, and in the middle, they run into each other and together, they form a complicated knot. However, Tobirama explains to you how to sift through them and tells you that each column represents a hand sign.

“Have you ever tried reading and playing music?” Tobirama inquires suddenly.

You tilt your head, confused. “No?”

“To get the concept, it’s basically just being able to read the music and relaying that music through an instrument, so in this case, you are reading the seals and you are activating and enacting on those seals through weaving signs,” Tobirama explains further. “It’ll be easier if I demonstrate it, but keep that in mind.”

Tobirama begins to weave the signs, following the columns clockwise, and then when he gets to the last one, he puts his hand on the knot and he says one word.

“ Release ,” Tobirama commands, and slowly, the knot unwinds, and the columns of seals grouped together spread outwards and farther from the middle.

You watch him, entranced.

“Keep in mind that you have to concentrate so that you have a good flow of chakra and then you translate that chakra into hand signs, which in turn translates the written seals but only the right signs will work,” Tobirama summarizes. “There’s just a lot of translating to be done.”

You nod, slowly understanding what he means.

“When you get better at this,” Tobirama begins. “You can then begin to experiment with the seals and even make up your own.” He glances at you. “How are the theory books that I have given to you?”

You give him a small, guilty smile. “They’re a little challenging to understand.”

Tobirama narrows his eyes.

You suddenly cringe at yourself. You don’t want him to think you’re an idiot.

“But I’ll get it in no time! I’m a quick learner!” You follow up immediately.

Tobirama’s eyebrows rise up slightly, but he does not say anything.

“Now let me try!”

You watch as Tobirama winds the written seals again, this time, performing the hand seals counter-clockwise.

Tobirama watches you curiously, and he stares at your hands with a thoughtful expression as you weave the signs. You made the mistake of glancing at him, and your heartbeat hikes up a little at the way he is looking at you. You tear your gaze and pray that he did not notice that you were just looking at him, and you take a deep breath to continue weaving your hand signs.

Tobirama stays silent throughout all of it, but the only time he speaks out is to comment on your chakra.

“Maintain a steady flow,” he says in a monotonous tone.

“I am trying,” you murmur. You feel your chakra trying its best, fighting through the pathways and getting stuck at certain points.

You jump when you feel Tobirama’s big hand on your shoulder, and then you immediately still. You do not even dare to take a breath. Then, slowly, you feel a cold and piercing fluid trickling into you. It does not hurt, but it feels jarring and alien and for a moment it scares you. You feel Tobirama and his uncontested presence, covering your pathways but then, you feel your chakra accompanying his own and slowly your chakras start to flow smoothly. There are no walls to stop you.

“What are you doing?” You whisper.

“Just concentrate,” Tobirama guides you.

You make the final sign, and you slam your palm against the scroll. Tobirama’s hand disappears from your shoulder, and you feel the connection sever, but he has done his part of helping you. You watch as the knot unwinds again, and you let out a shuddery breath.

“What the hell?” You say out in a rush of breath.

You turn to Tobirama, who immediately averts his eyes. You notice that his ears are turning red, and the color is slowly making its way to his face.

“It should feel something like that,” Tobirama says and you watch him swallow his throat. “It should be non-stop, always flowing.”

You finally stare at him a little longer, and you notice that the reddening of his very pale skin is not just your eyes playing tricks.

“Are you okay?” You gently ask him, and also you find yourself sincerely concerned.

Tobirama seems surprised that you ask him this–it’s like he has never heard someone ask this.

He nods first before his words come out. “Yes. It’s just that I am a sensor. When I am channeling chakra, I can feel everything. Though your chakra is not very overwhelming.”

“Is that like a compliment, or an insult?” You narrow your eyes teasingly. You lean towards him to study his facial expression closer. You have a feeling that his explanation is just the surface of the truth.

“You should try putting the seals back into place,” Tobirama curtly interrupts.

“Okay,” you turn back to the scroll. “So counter-clockwise, right?”

“Yes,” Tobirama says in a hushed tone.

You copy what he did when he joined the seals together, but when you pressed your palm on the scroll, nothing happened.

You grit your teeth in frustration after a few more attempts, but the result is the same.

“It will take some time,” Tobirama reassures, sensing your building annoyance. “I only gave you a shortcut earlier, but now, you have to do it on your own.”

You sigh and press a hand to your eye.

Tobirama looks to the sky, and then at the nearby trees, judging the shadows. “It’s past lunchtime. Let’s get you some food and then you have to rest.”

“Huh, rest?” You frown. “Don’t we have to visit the Hokage to report on our revisions?”

“You have been training since early in the morning,” Tobirama reminds you. “If you do not rest, even for a bit, being tired will not help your case. The report can wait.”

You eyed him suspiciously. “Alright.” Then, you give him a grin. “But since you’re inviting me to lunch, you’re paying.”

Tobirama frowns. “I was not inviting you to lunch, I was merely suggesting that you get food.”

You drop your mouth open in fake shock. “But you said!” You make a grave expression and with the best Tobirama voice you can imitate, you say, “‘Let’s get you some food because if you’re starving that leads to fatigue and when you’re fatigued, you can’t activate your chakra.’”

Tobirama stares at you, incredulous. “I do not talk like that.” He crosses his arms defensively.

You make the same somber expression and in the same tone, “Yes, you do.”

Tobirama’s eyes flare. They look like burning coals.

“‘I’m Senju Tobirama and I am the fastest shinobi, look at me and my awesome jutsus, no one can compare to my sensory skills, I am the strongest and the smartest and I can only talk in this somber but slightly angry tone because it works to my sex appeal especially when I scowl so hard that–’”

Tobirama’s jaw grit, but you see a corner of his lips turn up slightly.

You stop and you let out a huge laugh. “Come on! That was good!”

Tobirama rolls his eyes and he sighs exasperatedly. “Well, you could have done worse.”

“That’s the spirit!” You bend down and start to pack up the scroll. “So, what will it be?”

You hear the wind rush and you are almost knocked out of your feet, and when you come to, Tobirama is gone, except for the spot he was just standing on, where it is apparent that something took off and the grass is flattened.

You sigh and your lips form a pout. So much for getting him to treat you to food again.

You gather your things, and you chuckle to yourself. “Good grief.”

Tobirama gives you several scrolls to work on, on top of your reading for the curriculum and constant rewriting of drafts to submit to Tobirama. You focus on this, and Tobirama assures you that the curriculum work will have to wait since the commission money for the textbooks is still pending. He also asks for the theory books about jutsus and seals back, and a few days later, he gives them back to you–more like dropping it on you and crushing your hands.

The books are heavy on seals and on the elemental natures, and when you open to the pages you were previously on, you recognize his handwriting on the side, pointing out the main points in his own words and explaining some topics in depth. Your eyes linger on his elegant penmanship, memorizing the way they carve into the paper.

You find it easy to comprehend your studies through his explanations, and in no time, you are able to memorize them and you practice on applying them whenever you have free time.

So far, training yields no results, but you keep trying. You lose yourself in training, your mind zeroing in and consuming all the information and the processes like there is no tomorrow. Your brain is hungry, and it takes in every little thing in the book like a sponge. You vaguely remember Tobirama warning you about fatigue, but as the days go on, you sense that you may be close to a breakthrough.

You train at night because there are no distractions and no one to bother you.

Tonight, you decide to try something new.

You remember Tobirama instructing his students on how to focus chakra into your feet so that you can walk on water. You decide to throw yourself into this because to you, you learn best when you are thrown into the gutter without any safety nets. This is how you survived so far.

You take a deep breath, taking in the cool night air, and the silver moonlight touching the dark river. The light reflects off the water and you stare at it, mustering up the courage.

You put your hands together. You close your eyes in concentration and you push your chakra to connect with each other and just flow.

They have to.

You push through each obstruction, and it makes you break a sweat, but you keep going and you do not stop. You imagine Tobirama’s chakra on yours, helping you through each stop, and you direct them towards your feet.

You open your eyes, feeling giddy on your accomplishment.

It’s now or never.

You hold your breath and you jump to the waters. For a moment, for a second, you are standing on its surface, but your chakra’s flow stops and you fall through the waters like something has pulled you down and you crash, your back first.

The river has a current and it pulls you under and carries you along with it.

You break through the surface and throw yourself towards the bank and you curse.

You were almost there.

You let out a string of curse words, and you climb to the dry ground, your hands sinking into the mud. You crawl forward and you lie on your back to stare at the sky. You are cold and tired, and there is this burning sensation throughout your body, but for the first time, you smile at yourself.

You close your eyes to rest them, and before you know it, your consciousness submits to sleep and you forget that you are outside.

Tobirama finds you early in the morning on your usual spot, noticing your damp hair. He is also starting to notice that you own a few clothes and that you have worn them out, because he notices some patches and some tears in some of them.

You give him your usual, bright smile that he is not sure how to feel about even now, and he nods at you in greeting. When he sits across from you, he notices the tired lines under your eyes, but he keeps quiet and only passes you more things to do.

“My brother approves of the stipend for the commission,” Tobirama announces, and you perk up at this.

“Yes! Finally!” You cheer.

Tobirama nods, and with a very hesitant voice, he says, “And he wants you to eat dinner with us this Friday.”

You laugh at his unwilling expression. “Did he threaten you or something? You look like you did not even want to tell me.”

“I did not,” Tobirama tersely says, but the lie tastes gritty on his tongue.

You shoot him a look. “Come on, we’re colleagues! Be kind!”

Tobirama’s eyes snap to you. “Take your own advice.”

You give him a confused smile, but you get over it. “Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“I have been up all night,” Tobirama glares at papers in front of him. His forehead creases, and his mind seems to be faraway.

The most important lesson is that getting to know Tobirama happens in silence–something you have never been good at.

However, you are starting to learn his kind of silence and you start to notice the little changes in him.

Like today, you see that he resembles a flighty bird. There is a jittery energy that he is radiating and you notice that his eyes seem wide and frantic. You even notice that his hair is more disheveled than usual, probably from constant pulling and brushing back.

“Are you okay?” You ask him once again.

Tobirama snaps up at your question, once again surprised at your question. He rarely hears anyone ask him this, and he also never expects anyone to. He is okay most of the time, and yet, you may know more about him than he lets on to ask this.

The thought makes his mind numb. How is it that you are able to see him through so easily and he cannot do the same?

The only time he really got close to you for the first time is when he put his hand on your shoulder and let his own chakra in.

You do not even feel as invaded as he did when he felt your pathways, when he entwined himself into you–he almost could not breathe, but he still has come up with nothing.

He finds fault in himself for it.

He pushes away those thoughts, and he focuses on his new endeavor–a new jutsu idea–which is something he has been racking brain overnight. He sifts through his notes, forgetting your question.

He is also able to tune out your presence and your words, and he feels pride in that.

“Hey, so anyways, I was able to stand on water for like a second!” You laugh. “Also, I almost drowned, but whatever, I guess it’s part of the process.”

He hears you speak, but you eventually fade into the back of his mind. However, you do not know when to give up.

“Also, I was able to unwind one of the seals you gave me this morning! I mean, it was kind of hard because I was so tired, but I remembered your teaching and you know, I really have to give you credit for that,” you continue.

Tobirama grits his jaw, unable to pinpoint why he is so frustrated. He thinks it’s you, but the truth is, it’s the jutsu that he has been working on and he wants to figure it out immediately.

Tobirama abruptly stands up, pushing the chair back. Its legs grate on the wooden floor unpleasantly.

“Tobirama?” You look at him with concern. “Are you alright?”

Tobirama detests that you are looking at him like that. He is unable to bear it.

What is wrong with him?

Why do you ask him if he’s okay? How do you know when to ask?

“Do you ever shut up, for once?” Tobirama suddenly snaps, his thoughts crowding in on him. For the first time, he loses volition over his own mouth.

His fingers start to twitch anxiously, but he really is not angry at you, he is frustrated at himself. He thinks he should say something and take it back, but it is too late because you are standing from your seat and gathering your things.

Tobirama stares at his own handwriting, and they look indiscernible for a second.

“Talk to me when you’ve calmed down,” you tell him icily, a huge contrast to your gentle and sincere voice from earlier.

Tobirama avoids your gaze.

“I know you’re not mad at me,” you say and he hears you walk towards the door.

Tobirama frowns, unable to figure out how you know.

“But I can’t be here to be your punching bag,” you leave it at that and Tobirama feels you walk away.

He sinks to his seat after a while, his mind racing.

Madara dodges back as you swing a fist at him. He notices that you are very upset because your movements are erratic. He knows that you are more calculated than this, and even if something is bothering you, you never fail to push it away. To have it affect you like this, it must have been huge.

You aim a kick towards Madara’s chest, but when he grabs your leg and slams you down, you let out an angry scream and you punch the air.

“Fuck!” You swear, and you punch the ground beside you.

Madara crosses his arms and he peers over at you questioningly. “What’s up kiddo? You’re a little upset.”

You glare at him. “Upset?! I am upset?!”

Madara stares at you incredulously. “Obviously,” he smirks. “What’s gotten your ass so tight and wounded up?”

Madara extends a hand to you and you take it, however, you catch him off guard and you plant your foot on his stomach and swing him over your head. Madara lands with a thud, and he wheezes.

“Good one,” he groans. “Your three wins versus my countless ones.”

“I hope you choke and die,” you snap.

You sit up, and you start to run your mouth indignantly. “He looks at me like I was something indecent! I was just inquiring about his state of mind, you know, because I was trying to change myself and be kinder? Whatever! You know what’s indecent? His mere touch on my shoulder is so fucking indecent!”

Madara blinks at this, and he also sits up. He lets you lean and rest on his back. “You know, if you’re going to complain this much about him, you should just quit.”

“Quit? I’m no quitter! You know what, I’m going to pay him back tenfold! No, twenty-fold! Is that a thing?”

“Yeah, he should be really scared.”

You roll your eyes. “Mark my words. I’m going to give him so much hell.”

“Scary,” Madara comments.

You elbow your friend and you sigh. “You know, my revenge aside, I think something is bothering him.”

“There’s always a stick in that bastard’s ass,” Madara says.

“Yeah, but this time, it’s really different,” you say in a sadder tone, and your mind begins to wander to Tobirama’s expression this morning.

Madara suddenly leans back and pushes you forward and he jumps up to his feet.

“Hey!” You protest.

“Get up and stop bitching,” Madara chastises. “Or I’ll stop paying for lunch.”

You clutch your hands together, as if you are praying to him. “Madara, no!”

“I’m serious,” Madara deadpans.

You roll your eyes and you finally hop to your feet. “There!” You brush your pants from dirt, and you bump into Madara’s side and walk past him.

The two of you walk towards the busiest part of town, and the two of you eat at one of the ramen places that just opened up recently. You almost cry at the taste of the food because you have never tasted something so good before. You eat until your stomach hurts from taking in so much food, and when Madara has finished his and has paid for the meal, you yank him towards the dessert shops to ogle at pastries and sweets.

Madara grabs your collar as you begin to enter a shop, and places you away from it.

“Stop eating so much or your stomach will explode,” Madara warns.

“Yeah, but I don’t know when I’ll be able to e–” You stop yourself from continuing that sentence, and you start to laugh. “Fine, you’re right.”

The two of you continue walking down the street to help ease your digestion, when you suddenly stop your tracks. You spot Tobirama’s familiar white and pointy hair among the crowd, and you observe him.

“What now?” Madara asks tiredly.

“Hide!” You push Madara towards a fruit stand and you peek over a pile of watermelons.

You follow Tobirama’s movements, and you notice that he is with someone, who is a very pretty woman, dressed in fine silks and heavy, golden ornaments on her hair.

Tobirama points towards various things, and his mouth moves to explain it to her. His expression is not any better compared to this morning, in fact, you think it has worsened, but he also manages to present himself civilly. He seems tense, but he guides the noble lady around through the crowd.

You frown.

The noble lady does not seem to mind his severely angry face. She may have a thing for handsome, constipated faces.

Maybe you are just making things up in your mind.

You take a deep breath, deciding that it is time to enact your revenge.

Before Madara can grab the back of your collar to placate you again, you march towards Tobirama at a determined pace.

“Hey!” Madara calls you. He slaps his forehead. “Damn it.”

You keep going, dodging people and children.

You are almost a few steps away from him, and you pick up your pace into a light jog and you keep going.

You don’t stop.

And you barrel into Tobirama violently with purpose, displacing his steps.

Tobirama finds his footing and he stands rigidly, his hand clutching your elbow.

He utters your name in disbelief and lets go of your elbow.

However, you are not done yet.

Even though your reaction is a few seconds late, you follow through.

You let out a dramatic cry and your hand goes to your head. You also bend a little bit for the effect. “Ouch! Ow! What the hell?” You cry out. “It hurts! Why did you hurt me?”

The noble lady watches the spectacle with confusion, unsure of what to make of this. She pulls out her fan from her obi and snaps it open to fan herself.

“What are you doing?” Tobirama hisses through gritted teeth, but he does not sound like he is seething with anger. “People are looking!”

“Ah!” You cry out again, and this time, you fall to the ground, clutching your head. “Ow! Oh gods, it hurts so much!”

People are starting to crowd and gawk at the scene, and Tobirama is turning red on his neck and up. He is frozen, unable to move. He did not expect this out of you.

“What will you do to compensate me?” You yell. “I think I’m bleeding! I think I have a concussion!”

Some people start to murmur.

“How un-gentleman like!”

“Isn’t this Lord Hokage’s younger brother? How uncouth!”

“Poor lady! He’s not even doing anything to help her!”

“Hey, she says she’s bleeding!” Someone yells towards Tobirama.

You grin beneath your covered face.

Tobirama's expression withers, and he has a desire to make the ground fold underneath him and swallow him up. He forgets what he is even here for, and he grabs you by the arms, and forces you to stand on your feet.

Then, he grips your elbow hard and he drags you along with him. The crowd parts to let him through, and he keeps you near him.

You bite your lip to keep yourself from laughing.

When the two of you are from the crowd’s eyes, Tobirama starts to slow down, and his grip on your elbow lets up.

He lets go, but he suddenly whirls around on you, and he uses his height to tower over you.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” Tobirama almost yells.

You open your mouth, but Tobirama’s face twitches. “Gods, do you hate me that much? I haven’t even said anything yet and you’re...grimacing.”

“You are unbelievable!”

You look up to him, and meet him square in the eyes. “Please, don’t act like you did not have this coming.”

Tobirama gives you a look of disbelief. No one has ever talked back to him like this. No one has ever had the courage to even meet his eyes when he’s acting out like this.

Tobirama glares, and you smirk.

“You,” Tobirama growls. “You are ridiculous.”

“Are you okay now?” You say, comparing his state right now to the one he was in this morning. There is a huge difference.

Tobirama stops, and you sense that he is not sure how to make sense of this. His frown deepens, and he opens and closes his fist.

He steps back, seeming to realize the close distance between the two of you.

“What are you doing?”

“Well, obviously, trying to get back at you.”

Tobirama’s eyes widen with rage but they do not burn you. You almost feel sorry for him. You feel like you have done enough damage for the day.

“Also, you look like you need help.”

Tobirama sighs, and he shakes his head. “You are ridiculous.”

“Yeah, yeah. Who was she?”

“I don’t know, some lady my brother and my sister-in-law wanted me to meet.”

“Hmm,” you hum teasingly, but you are a little glad that you got to embarrass him in front of her. “Well you are one of the most eligible bachelors in Konoha.”

Tobirama rolls his eyes. “That’s ridiculous.”

“How? That’s not even up for argument,” you laugh.

Tobirama stares at you, but this time he is more confused. “Are you complimenting me, or making fun of me?”

You think about it. “I don’t know. I’m just telling the truth.”

“Backed by what?” Tobirama scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“I don’t know, the amount of ladies that ogle you, even the married ones,” you say sarcastically. “I mean, I don’t see why you shouldn’t get married, I think your brother is just trying to look out for you, unless you’re not interested in women–”

“Shut up,” Tobirama brusquely interrupts.

“I mean, that’s totally fine, I’m not one to judge,” you tell him and you fold your arms over your chest.

Tobirama groans internally. “ You are ridiculous.”

“You know, I would have thought you’d have more vocabulary than shut up and ridiculous since you read all these books all the time, my lord .”

Tobirama narrows his eyes at you. “You know, if you disappear tomorrow, just know that it’s going to be because of me, and I am going to make sure no one looks for you.”

“Ooh, scary,” you taunt. “You’re levelling up to murder already? Give me a chance.”

“You’ve simply pushed your luck too many times.”

“I think you’ll be sad if I disappear,” you tease him. “Who else is going to save your ass from stupid dates for arranged marriages and let you vent your anger out?”

Tobirama’s eyes widened in surprise. You have caught on well. “I wouldn’t call that saving.”

“You’re a bastard.”

Tobirama eyes you, but you sense that there is no ire in his demeanor anymore.

If you knew better, you would think he’s more amused at this point.

He gestures towards the street and the two of you start walking together, in a comfortable distance between the two of you.

“I don’t hate you,” Tobirama sighs. His tone sounds apologetic. “I just find you...vexing.”

You throw your head back and you start to laugh. “Imagine how I feel about you.”

Tobirama rolls his eyes. “The feeling’s mutual then.”

“Pretty much.”

You elbow him. “Well, I better get back home. I still have things to do, thanks to you.”

Tobirama pauses in his steps and glances around you. His shoulders are noticeably relaxed, but his ears are pink.

“I could walk you back home,” Tobirama forces himself to say through gritted teeth.

You look at him, unimpressed. “Wow, it looks like it’s hurting you to say this.”

Tobirama takes a deep breath, and he pinches the bridge of his nose. “You are unbelievable.”

“What if I decline?”

“Then you are ruining my reputation as Konoha’s most eligible bachelor,” Tobirama deadpans.

You cackle and wipe a tear from the corner of your eyes. “That’s a good one. I’ll take you up on your offer, then.”

Tobirama raises an eyebrow and you gesture towards the direction of your home.

“I’m not letting you into my home, though,” you warn him.

Tobirama coughs. “As if I’d like to step into your filthiness and get infected by it.”

You fake a gasp. “That’s harsh, my lord.”

Tobirama rolls his eyes, and you turn your face away from him to hide your smile. At least the storm in his eyes is gone.

[CHAPTER SIX >>>]

#avversiera writes #angelica writes #Tobirama Senju #Senju Tobirama #senju tobirama x reader #tobirama x reader #tobirama x you #senju tobirama x you #tobirama x y/n #naruto fanfiction

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otterskin · 3 years

Text

I didn't like the LOKI show, no matter how hard I try, and it's messing with me.

My mother died at the end of December. A lot of other bad things happened as well, like the severe brain injury of my father.

I didn't cry. There was so much to do. I did it. And even then, when there was nothing left to do, I didn't cry.

I found distractions.

Today I went to see the Green Knight after a tough week at a new job that had me leave my father in another province even though he still needs help. I was trying to get back to the life I'd dropped.

I loved the Green Knight. The Arthurian Legends are as dear to me as Norse Mythology, and my copy of them had the Green Knight on the cover. The film was truly excellent, evoking the feel of the story whole still doing something unique and very A24. I cried at one point, like I did when watching the first THOR, because of how much it meant to see something I'd loved since the very first years of my existence finally make it to the big screen and be...right. It's own thing, it's own artistic product, but right.

Then I opened a tab in a browser and saw I had some messages on a website I comment on. It was just some minor criticism of the LOKI show I'd posted beneath an article and how it handled certain things.

I was downvoted. Berated. Hated. Lumped in the ad hominem twitter users who attacked the director and writer (I'd never, ever!) Told I was biphobic because I wanted to see more of a queer lens (I even addressed how difficult it is for bi people in queer cinema and society in general in my criticisms of the romance, but even that wasn't good enough - just disliking it was 'bad'.) I was told I just wanted my 'fanfic' made (I never made any laundrylist of plot points I demanded). I was accused of being a begrudged shipper (ha! If anything I'm an anti-shipper). I was told that I should love the show, it was awesome, and I was bad for not thinking so.

And I started to cry.

I don't cry. Only at movies. Not at real life. I didn't cry at my grandparents's funerals, I didn't cry when I was left with the body of my mother in the hospital room and my brother cried on my shoulder. I didn't cry when working through my dad's severe new disabilities as I realized how much he had lost. I didn't cry while realizing how messy my parents' finances were. I didn't cry when my mother's friends called me in the middle of the night and cried into the phone. I didn't cry when saying goodbye to my dog and going back to a rundown apartment with a terrible smell so I could go to work in a dark room for hours at a time.

But now I'm crying and writing this.

I've realized why. During everything, I looked forward to the LOKI show. The first THOR is deeply nostalgic to me and I watched it often in my first year of Uni when I was away from home. It tied in thematically to what I was going for. Thor 2 came out before I went on exchange, and while I disliked it overall, talking about it was a welcome distraction from my anxieties. Thor 3 was nerve-wracking, but it also came out during my first major job which I was struggling with, and I saw it so many times in theatres...it was such a huge comfort.

Looking forward to LOKI wasn't just a distraction. It was like a promise. A promise that I'd make it till then and see it and maybe it'd give me some comfort.

That's on me. That's a personal thing. It's an unreasonable expectation.

But I needed it, all the same.

Then it came out.

I tried. I really tried to like it, to forgive it, but the problems are things I've criticized for too long in so many other things. I always try to be respectful about, I never go ad hominem and attack the creators, only critique their work and I always mentioned what I liked but...

I didn't like it.

I have no urge to rewatch it.

And the Green Knight...the Green Knight was everything I wanted and needed it to be. It didn't let me down, though I've been anticipating it about as long as the LOKI show. They're very different, obviously, but in my heart they share the same compartment.

And after a very trying day...I realized how badly I needed to rewatch a Loki show I liked. But I can't even enjoy THOR or Thor:Ragnarok anymore. It's like everything I did like has been poisoned.

This thing that got me through immense pain is causing me pain. I don't want to be toxic. I'm sure it's in me. I try so hard not to wallow in disappointment, but to not even be allowed to talk about my problems without being lumped in with abusive online monsters...

I can't do it. I just can't.

This is supposed to be an escape, not another trial.

I needed the LOKI show to be good, so I could come out of the dark into the light, or at least walk through the night with a lantern ahead of me. And instead it was just more darkness, and it's not even entirely its own fault. It's the online discourse. It's the uncalled for harassment of Herron and Waldron. It's the taunting jabs at people who didn't have a good time as if we're all jerks. It's having people roll their eyes when you point out things that made you uncomfortable in the story, it's feeling slightly gaslit when you find something gross that the story intended to be gross and then being told it's not gross, actually.

I'm sorry. I don't want to cause pain. I just...

I needed it to be good. And unlike Thor 3, which delivered me respite in a dark time...it let me down. Worse, it's hurt me.

I said I don't cry, only at the movies. Something about them lets me cry in a way nothing else does. I can't cry at a funeral, but I can cry in a movie theatre at the drop of a hat. It's a release valve, a way for me to process things.

I think I was waiting for LOKI to give me permission to cry. To give me something that could release this pain in me. And instead, it just gave me more.

I never should have given it that power. I didn't want to. But I had to, to get through this.

I'm putting away the few THOR pieces of tat I have. I feel foolish. I always knew it was a capitalist piece of art, chucked from creator to creator with no creative shepherd, which in itself was stressful.

The fandom is no sanctuary for me either, since I'm primarily interested in the family dynamics and I'm sick of 'Odin is an ABUSIVE MONSTER' stories or even unrelated fics and posts just dropping in hate for him that's not at all canon but seems to be very popular to the point where people think it is. Especially since I often read these stories when I need to think of home and my father. Or, most pleasantly of all, when I get called an abuser or abuser-enabler because I say I like Odin as a character. I also can't really bear to deal with anything to do with Sylvie, whom I had high hopes for as someone who wants more female tricksters, but instead I got this...this Mary Sue that's very hard to criticize without being yelled at. I swear I'm coming at her writing as a feminist and I don't hate anyone, I don't, I just...sigh. She's just personally frustrating to me and not being able to discuss it without being called names sucks.

Not to mention I'm asexual, and I always struggle with romance in media being pushed as the 'ultimate relationship more important than any other'. Part of the reason I liked THOR so much was that romance was not the main feature of THOR and definitely not THOR 3 (while my disliked Dark World was all about it, and so is LOKI). And when I criticize the romance, I get called a prude (guilty, I guess), a troll, or, my favourite, just 'a hater'.

I don't want to hate. Who wants that poison in their veins? I'm here because the Thor series HELPED me because I LOVED it. And now I look at the things I used to love and I...don't, anymore.

So much is asked of me right now. I can't willingly invite this painful thing to sit on my chest as well, especially since the world is already shoving it into my face without my doing anything, in ads, in news, in everything.

I suppose that's why I've leaned even more into Odin lately. He was untouched by the LOKI series (though not the Simpson special, which worries me). He's a trickster, he's queer, he's nuanced, he's 'misunderstood' (that old cliche, but he's misunderstood and misrepresented by the people always yelling about how this or that character is misunderstood, which amuses me, except when it gets to me), and he's in many ways free to make my own.

I still have some stuff I'm going to publish that's practically finished. Finnesang has a lot more written for it but needs some major sit-down time for re-writes and edits. Lokabrenna is practically done, just needs tweaks and Beta. I'll be here a little longer.

But I think I'm going to have to step back for now and put my passions into other things.

I will be back. After all, after Thor 2 came Thor 3. Maybe Love and Thunder will right the ship and Thor can still be awesome, and maybe eventually a creative I love will come to work on the franchise. Really, that's the key for me - I loved Branagh before THOR, and loved Waititi before Thor, and disliked Waldron's work (though I gave him every benefit of the doubt and hoped and prayed to be wrong - sadly, it was what I expected.)

But...if LOKI season 2 is more of this, more romantic tropes I hate and Loki being an afterthought in his own show and his family being devalued for new characters...I can't do it. I can't watch something I used to love just throw that all away for something I dislike.

My tears are finally drying. I wrote a lot of this while the screen was blurry, so I hope there's no grammar or typo too embarrasing. I'm not sure I have the strength to re-read it. Sorry for the rant. It helped me feel better.

Thank you all. I hope I feel differently someday.

#loki show #loki 2021 #meta #loki thoughts #personal #update

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atmostories · 3 years

Text

Johnny Lawrence x Reader

Matter - Chapter Four Tags: Angst, Gender-Neutral, Alcohol/Drug Abuse, Depression Something warm was rubbing the back of your hand. It felt nice, really nice. It was going back and forth across your skin, sometimes in circles, sometimes in lines. It was. . .comforting. . . - “Hey. Hey.” A hand on your shoulder was gently shaking you. You grumbled unhappily at the noise and the movement, not wanting to be woken up.

“Hey, wake up,” Johnny told you. Was it time for work already? It was like you'd only been asleep for ten minutes. You really didn't want to go, couldn't you call in sick just this once?

“Five more minutes,” you croaked, tightening your grip on the blanket.

“Yeah, you said that fifteen minutes ago. I've already given you half an hour.”

“Can't you tell them I'm sick?”

“What?” You squinted at the bright lights, about to plead Johnny to make up some excuse to your boss, but you suddenly recognised you were in the dojo. It was empty aside from Miguel and Aisha who were grabbing their bags and blankets. Shit, movie night. The mats were sparse, there weren't any blankets, soda cups or pizza boxes anywhere to be seen. Surely they hadn't cleaned up already?

“Where's everyone?” You asked while you sat up and rubbed your eyes.

“Gone home. Movie finished a while ago.” Johnny was crouched next to you, his hand was still on your shoulder. He immediately pulled away when you glanced at his arm. “Come on, I'll take you to your place.”

“Aren't you driving Miguel back?”

“Aisha's giving him a ride.”

“I'll be fine in a minute.” You took to your feet unsteadily and starting folding up the blanket.

“You can't drive like this.”

“I just need to wake up that's all.”

“I said I'll-”

“Sensei! We're gonna head off now, so thanks for the pizza and the movie was awesome,” Miguel interjected. He was standing by the door and was looking at Johnny before he turned to you. “And thanks for the soda too. I'll see you on Monday, Sensei.”

“Have a good weekend,” you waved at him.

“Night, Diaz,” Johnny replied. The dojo was silent after Miguel left. You were awake enough to feel the tension rolling off of Johnny. He was standing right next to you, his jaw was tight, his arms were stiff at his sides. You had to refold the blanket after messing it up the first time. He stared as you held the blanket out to him but he didn't take it.

“Just let me drive you, okay? I'll come pick you up in the morning so you can get your car,” he explained calmly. Before you could voice a rebuttal, he spoke again. “And no, it's not too much trouble.”

He wasn't giving you any room to manoeuvre. You didn't know why he was so insistent on driving you back. In a few minutes, you'd be fine. The apartment was out of the way, and Johnny would have to come get you in the morning.

After the casual conversation on the way to the pizza place, you didn't want to push your luck and end up with things being awkward or turning into an argument. But you supposed it was too late for that now.

“Thanks, it's kind of you to offer but really I'm fine.”

“No, you're not.”

“Johnny-”

“You're exhausted. Do you know how loud those kids got? You didn't move at all, you just. . .passed out.” You were taken back by the look on his face. He seemed. . .worried. You lowered your head, unable to say anything back to him. You didn't remember, you didn't remember anything after you'd closed your eyes to get some rest.

That was during the first part of the movie. Johnny said that you'd already asked him for five more minutes before and you didn't remember that at all.

“I'm sorry,” you murmured, understanding his insistence. “If you wouldn't mind. . .”

“Can you take that out to the car?” He gestured to the blanket still in your arms.

“Sure.” Johnny grabbed the pillow before you could reach down to pick it up. You walked out of the dojo into the cool night air. While he was turning off the lights and locking up, you buried your face into the blanket and took in a deep lungful. The smell of him threatened to bring back memories of the two of you together, but the worst of it was how it made you feel. Calm, safe, content. You had to pull it away from your face.

After he came over, he took the blanket from you and threw it in the trunk along with the pillow. You got into the car with Johnny wanting nothing more than to curl over and sleep. He asked for your address before he turned on the ignition. When you replied he said he knew where it was, he used to live near there for a couple years with his mom.

He'd always found it difficult to talk about her, but he had reached the point where he could occasionally mention her to you in passing.

The streets were much quieter than earlier. You watched the apartment blocks and the stores pass by. It was a struggle to keep your eyes. You couldn't stop yourself from letting out a quiet sigh.

“You're not sleeping, are you?” He glanced over at you for a brief moment. Your gut twinged with anxiety. Not having the courage to look in his direction, you kept watching the road ahead. Trying to give him an excuse wasn't going to work.

“It's been a little. . .difficult lately.”

“A little? When was the last time you slept? Properly.” You tried to think back to the last time you'd had a good night sleep but you came up blank. “You don't even know, do you?”

“I've been working a lot, that's all,” you replied dismissively.

“I thought I told you to take it easy.”

“It's not like I have a choice, Johnny.”

“Look, if it's about the money I can help.”

“I'm not taking your money.”

“Not all of it's mine. I still have some of Sid's money left over. Think of it as a loan if you want.”

“Loan or not,” you clarified.

“Why can't you just accept my help?”

“Are you really saying that? To me?” You asked incredulously. You couldn't help the anger that seeped through your words. The reason why you'd broken up with him in the first place was because he wouldn't accept your help and now he's trying to preach the same at you?

“You don't need to make the same mistakes I did,” he responded quietly. His admission took you by surprise. You'd expected him to get angry, to lash out at you, to meet you punch for punch. Instead he'd done the complete opposite. “The offer's there, if you need it.”

You couldn't say anything. The righteous anger left you as quickly as it came. You should have said something, you should have thanked him at the very least but the words were stuck in your throat.

The rest of the drive was silent. No longer did you feel the urge to sleep, you were wide awake, anxious and guilty thoughts spiralling in your mind. He'd offered his help and your first reaction was to become defensive and reject it. When he pulled up outside your apartment block, you didn't know to do, whether to invite him inside or to simply say goodbye.

“Get some sleep,” Johnny said as he turned to face you, his wrist resting on the steering wheel. “Call me tomorrow and I'll come pick you up.”

“Thanks,” you managed to reply. Getting out of the Firebird, you waved at him before walking towards the entrance of the apartment block. He didn't leave until you were inside the door.

Oddly you got a solid eight hours of sleep that night. You called Johnny in the morning and he said he'd be about forty minutes, giving you time to shower and get changed.

The journey back to the dojo was thankfully uneventful. He asked a couple of questions, how you were, whether you slept. After a brief conversation, he turned the speakers up and you were able to enjoy the music with him. You weren't quite ready to start singing just yet, and neither was Johnny, but he was humming away instead. He parked up next your car which was still in one piece. You thanked him for the ride.

“I'm glad you came last night,” he replied in earnest, not looking in your direction. When his eyes finally met yours, your heart started beating a bit faster. “Maybe next time you can make it through the first act.”

You huffed out a soft laugh and nodded in agreement. You got out of his car and went to your own, taking out your keys on the way. There was going to be a next time? What movie was he going to choose next? Things seemed to have settled out between you and Johnny, even after the series of disagreements you had with him last night. It could have ended much worse. You were grateful that it didn't.

Johnny honked as he pulled out of the lot with his music blasting. You couldn't help but shake your head and smile as he drove off.

Maybe things weren't so bad.

- - -

Going to the dojo was no longer the dreaded affair that it used to be. Instead, it became something to look forward to. Johnny was getting along better with you, he didn't seem to be avoiding you like he was before. The tension had fizzled out and was replaced by something. . .friendly.

You were able to sleep a bit more even though you were still working a lot. It was surprising how much of a difference it made. You really seemed to be getting a handle on things. When you were sorting through the paperwork and the student fees, you weren't making so many mistakes. It saved lots of time because you didn't have to triple check everything.

A class was due to start in about fifteen minutes and already a fair number of kids were in the dojo. Miguel had chatted to you for a little bit when you arrived and Hawk had glared at you from afar as per usual. You wondered pointlessly how to repair things. Any attempts to try and talk to him would certainly be rebuffed, most likely with an insult. He'd already purposefully bumped into you, his dislike for you was made perfectly clear.

There didn't seem to be anything you could do. It wasn't like you could explain the intricacies of your relationship with Johnny. Even if you did he'd take his Sensei's side. You resigned yourself to giving him as much space as possible, hoping his disdain might naturally peter out with time.

Johnny came into the office while you were sorting through some consent forms from three new students.

“What's this?” He challenged, holding up a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

“Uhh. . .”

“What? Didn't think I'd notice?” He sounded only vaguely annoyed and he seemed rather amused by your guilty expression. “How about you earn it back and let me borrow you for this class?”

“Borrow meaning. . .you're gonna throw me onto the floor?”

“Only a couple of times. Five at the most. Well, definitely not above double digits,” he replied with a glint in his eyes, you couldn't help but roll your own. “I'm gonna show the kids a few self defence moves. It's better if I can demonstrate them with another adult.”

“Right, of course,” you mumbled sarcastically.

"Come on, it's not going to hurt." You stared at him for a few moments with your eyebrows raised. "It'll hurt a little bit, but you'll be fine. It's nothing you haven't done before."

“Alright,” you agreed, knowing that he wouldn't purposefully cause you injury.

It wasn't until half way through the class that he waved you to come into the dojo. The kids were all sitting around the edge of the mat and were waiting attentively. You were uneasy as you took off your shoes and socks. Focusing your attention on Johnny, you bowed before walking up to him. The nerves started to ease.

“Sometimes when fighting an opponent, you will be faced with two difficult choices,” he explained as he circled around you on the mat. “Okay, pay attention.”

Johnny stood right in front of you with his back turned and his knees bent. He widened his stance before taking a hold of your arm to wrap around his throat. Grabbing onto your other arm, he tucked it against his side and latched his fingers around your wrist.

“Your opponent has your neck, you have their elbow,” he described to the kids, pressing his chin into your elbow. His movement forced you to have a tighter grip around his throat. Automatically you tried to shift forwards to give him some room but he hunkered his chin down even further.

“If you try to break out. . .” He let go of your wrist and tapped your arm which was around his neck. Inferring what he wanted you to do, you secured your free arm around the back of his neck, applying pressure from both sides. “Your opponent is going to dig in and put you to sleep.”

His voice was strained, you could hear that his airway was slightly restricted. Your attempt to twist your elbow away from him failed. What was he doing? Was he trying to make it more realistic for the kids? It didn't feel right, especially after everything that happened with Kreese. It was almost as if he wanted you to hurt him.

“If you go for the opponent's ribs,” he explained, breaking out of your hold and placing his elbow on your side. You lifted up your knee in response. “You completely expose your chest.”

Johnny returned to the original position, with his hand on your wrist and you had an arm around his neck.

“Two difficult choices. What do you do?” He asked the students. They looked on curiously, unable to come up with an answer. But you knew what he was going to do. You tried to brace yourself.

He kicked the back of your leg, taking both of you down onto the mat. You managed not to fall on top of him and you were able to keep your arms up to reduce the impact. He helped you up off the mat and explained to his students to damn the consequences and power forward. After adjusting his gi, he told them to make a choice, to make a move and go all in.

He went through more self defence positions with you, ensuring that the kids could see exactly what he was doing to counterattack. Johnny was detailed in his explanations and as a result his students only asked the occasional question. Though you ended up on the mat a couple more times, it wasn't too bad. Johnny was careful not to make you go down awkwardly.

Thankfully he didn't get you to put him in another chokehold. If you were honest with yourself, it had worried you. You were probably looking into it too much. When he had finished his demonstration, he paired off the kids to do some practice amongst themselves.

You bowed before you left the mat and grabbed your shoes and socks. Sitting back down in the office, you were aching a little bit all over but nothing hurt in particular. After Johnny dismissed the class, Miguel came in to chat.

“Sensei didn't hurt you too bad, did he?” he asked, looking over you as if he was trying to spot any obvious injury.

“Nah, I've had worse.”

“Really?”

“I'm guessing he's already made sure that you can take a punch to the face right?”

“Yeah. . .” he replied, not quite getting your meaning. He raised his eyebrows when he finally realised. “Sensei punched you in the face?”

“Oh yeah. It didn't bleed too bad though.” Miguel smiled at that. “He's a good teacher. I'm glad he has you guys as his students.”

“I think you mean the other way around?”

“You're a sweet kid.”

“My Yaya would agree, but my mom. . .? I'm not so sure.” Before you could reply, Johnny called out for Miguel and he left with a rushed goodbye. About ten seconds later, Johnny came into the office.

“Feeling delicate?” he teased, perching on the other side of the desk. Your reply was to shake your head at him. “It was a good class. I think the kids learnt a lot today.”

“I'm glad I could help.”

“And you didn't even hit double digits.” He told you, slapping down the twenty dollar bill in front of you. When you went to take it, he snatched it away jokingly. “Did you really earn this? I mean I deserve a couple more body slams at the very least.”

Standing up from the chair, you reached forwards and managed to grab onto the bill.

“Maybe next time,” you told him. He got off the desk, winking at you as he left the office.

- - -

You dreamt about him that night. It was visceral, you hadn't dreamt of something so vivid for a very long time. The memory of his hands on you was too fresh, it had sunk down into your subconscious. You woke up longing, aching, wanting nothing more than his arms to wrap around your body. When you remembered what happened the day before you could still feel him on your skin.

It was like something had broken inside of you.

Being busy at work kept you from thinking about it too much. Almost a week passed before the memory had faded enough where you could think about it without a reaction. The next time you were in the dojo, Johnny borrowed you again for another demonstration. You had come prepared with more comfortable clothes and shoes that didn't take so long to take off.

The session was about weapons and how the kids would defend themselves against someone who was armed. He gave you a piece of plastic to use as a fake knife.

When you were on the mats, he stood before you in a fighting position, explaining the situation to the kids. He raised his eyebrows to signal for you to attack. You quickly struck out your arm which he easily blocked. He knocked the pretend knife out of your grasp and took control of your wrist. With his other arm, he grabbed onto the back of your shoulder and forced you to bend over. He turned you around slowly so each of the kids could see his grip.

You went over numerous scenarios with him, You would attack him from different angles, sometimes keeping the knife concealed until the fight was underway. It was easy to anticipate what he needed you to do, it made the demonstration flow unhindered. Johnny explained one final situation to the kids where they should consider disarming their opponent from a distance.

He signalled for you to advance but you came in too fast, and he ended up kicking your wrist. The fake knife flew out of your hand and you held in a soft grunt from the impact. Johnny must have seen it on your face because he checked on you when he finished the class.

Coming round to your side of the desk, he leant up against it and took your hand in his lap. His fingers began to rub against your wrist.

“Where does it hurt?” You answered by wincing when he pressed his thumb against a certain spot. “Put some ice on it later if it's still bothering you. Otherwise I would recommend that you don't operate any heavy machinery.”

“Oh, is that your professional advice, Dr. Lawrence?” You replied in jest.

“Is that attitude my patient's giving me? Because you won't get a sticker if you're not careful.” He slid off the desk and opened up one of the filing cabinets.

“You actually have stickers?” You exclaimed in disbelief as he pulled out a sticker with the Cobra Kai logo on it.

“Some of the kids ordered a bunch from the internet,” he replied, letting you take it. The sticker was almost the size of your hand, you wondered where you going to put it. After thanking him for the present, he headed back into the dojo to get some equipment out.

Over the next thirty minutes or so, all of the kids left except for Miguel. Johnny was training him by himself and was holding out some pads for him to kick. With another batch of paperwork complete, you decided it was a good place to call it for the day. You waved to the two of them as you left and walked out of the front door.

As you pulled out your keys, you were surprised to see Hawk leaning against the door of your car, blocking you from getting inside. His arms were crossed, he looked impatient like he'd been waiting for you since class had ended.

“Everything okay, Hawk?” You asked as you approached him. He shifted off your car, uncrossing his arms and balling his hands into fists.

“Why do you keep coming around here,” Hawk said bitterly with a sneer on his face. “You should stay away from Sensei.”

“He asked me to be here,” you responded calmly, holding your ground when Hawk moved into your personal space.

“Sensei only asks you to come here because he feels sorry for you. You already dumped him, haven't you hurt him enough?” You looked away from him for a moment, taking in his hurtful words and wondering how much truth there was to them.

“Look. . .I understand that you care about your Sensei, but that's his choice to make. It's not your business.”

“Of course it's my business, he's my Sensei! You're interfering with our lessons. He gets all weird and distracted whenever you're around,” he told you angrily, moving even closer to get right up in your face. “So. Stay. Away from him.”

You had to take a step back from him to try and deescalate things. “Does he know that you're talking to me about this?” Hawk pursed his lips, it was clear that he hadn't talked to Johnny at all. “I'm sorry that you-”

You reeled backwards in surprise when he punched you in the face. Your lips began to throb, blood filled your mouth and it was already dripping down to your chin. It was a solid hook, Johnny had taught him well. Hawk's eyes were wide open like he didn't mean to hit you. After wiping your chin, you turned to the side and spat out the blood onto the ground.

“I'm sorry that you feel this way,” you told him, finishing off what you attempted to say before. It hurt to move your lips. You weren't angry at Hawk, he was a kid trying his best to protect someone he cared about. Giving him a wide berth, you managed to get in your car. You turned on the ignition and pulled out of the lot without checking in the mirror to see how bad your face looked.

Was Hawk right? Was it pity? You couldn't stop thinking about what he said as you drove back to the apartment. Was Johnny only asking you to come to the dojo because he felt sorry for you? There was truth in it somewhere, you could feel it, but you couldn't exactly see where.

Johnny might have asked for your help but you were the one who had taken that photo of the Cobra Kai flyer. You were the one who, the very next day, went straight to the dojo to satisfy your curiosity.

If you had minded your business, Johnny would never have sought you out. He would never have called. He wouldn't even know where you lived. Had he sensed your desperation to be close to him? It was only after parking up outside the apartment that you inspected the damage. You winced as you gently touched your top and bottom lip. It wasn't pretty, it was going to take a while to heal.

Running your teeth over one of the scabs, you felt a sense of relief when it started bleeding.

- - -

Smoking some weed was more awkward than you thought it was going to be. Though it hurt your lips, you didn't care, you needed something to calm you down. After work for the next few days, you got a good buzz going every night. It was better than letting the thoughts of Johnny run rampant in your mind.

When he called, you briefly considered giving him some excuse to get out of going. You wanted to refuse and have him try to convince you to come, hear the need in his voice. Hawk had probably said the first mean thing that came to his mind. Even if he was right, Johnny wouldn't ask you to be there solely out of pity, he needed you to help him and that was a good enough reason for you.

Parking up at the dojo, you quickly went over the excuse about what happened to your face in case anyone asked. It was nothing more than a silly accident where you bit your lip by mistake.

As you headed inside, there were quite a few kids already there, Hawk was amongst them. Instead of his customary grimace, guilt was on his face for a brief moment before he turned away.

Thankfully none of the kids asked what happened to your face and you were able to make it to the office unchallenged. As you sorted through some consent waivers that needed to be copied, Johnny came out of the storage room hauling some punching bags with Miguel and a couple others.

You went over to the printer by the door with the waivers and started making two copies of each one. Johnny manoeuvred a punching bag to the edge of the mat while nodding to the kids that were coming into the dojo. As soon as he turned to face your direction, he spotted you and his expression fell.

He immediately walked over and you pressed your lips together in a weak smile.

“What happened?” He demanded, his hand reaching up to rest on your chin. He tilted back your head and inspected the damage. You swallowed nervously, taken back by the seriousness of his reaction.

“Oh I'm fine. . .it's stupid really,” you replied nonchalantly and shrugged. When you tried to lean back from his touch, he simply moved forwards.

“What happened?” He repeated, his fingers pulling down the skin by your mouth so he could get a better look at your lip.

“I bit down on my lip that's all.” He suddenly stopped moving, his eyes met yours. Your gut twisted in nerves from the way he was looking at you.

“You're lying,” he said coldly, your heart aching at his words. His hand slipped down to the scruff of your neck and his grip on your shirt began to tighten. Anger and hurt filled his eyes. “Who did this to you?”

“It's really nothing.”

“Who. Did. This?” He growled, baring his teeth. Both of his hands were gripping onto your shirt, forcing you to move right up close to him. You could feel his hot breath on your face. He wasn't just angry, he was enraged. You'd never seen him like this, not even when he'd gotten into fights in the past.

“It was an accident,” you explained, gently placing your hand on one of his wrists. His body twitched like he was going to react badly to the touch. It didn't look as if he believed you at all. Rubbing your thumb against the back of his hand, you took in a deep breathe and exhaled slowly. You hoped that the movement might calm him down a little.

“It was just an accident,” you reiterated firmly. You weren't lying, as far as you were concerned that's all it was. “I swear to you.” Would he even believe your promise? Or was he too far gone? There was no change in his expression so you couldn't tell. Again you breathed in and out deliberately so that his hands would feel the motion of your chest.

“Is everything okay, Sensei?” You heard Miguel ask apprehensively. Turning to look at him, you saw all of the kids staring at you and Johnny. Worry was apparent on all of their expressions, even Hawk's.

“Yeah, we're okay.” You smiled reassuringly at Miguel and the rest of the kids. “Isn't that right, Sensei?”

Hopefully calling him that rather than his name would remind him where he was and what he was doing in front of his students. When you looked back at Johnny, he seemed to snap out of the haze of anger. He shifted his focus onto the kids and immediately let go of your shirt. You placed a heavy hand on Johnny's shoulder and slapped it twice in an effort to convey that both of you were perfectly fine.

He pulled away from you and went to the storage room, with a deeply concerned Miguel in tow. It took a few moments for the tension in the dojo to dissipate and the kids soon returned to getting ready for class. Straightening out your shirt, you sat down in the chair and let out an unsteady breath.

Fuck, what just happened? - - - Taglist: @whyhaveyouwritten-mehere @lacontroller1991 @stressedstark @wndrcarol @carissakingofthecastle92 @witchcraftandwit @magicwithaknife @80strashbag @jem-my-greatest-sin @masonsbitch @wholesomehen @chlqefrazer @actuallydrew @jem-my-greatest-sin @masonsbitch @wholesomehen @deadpoolgirl23 @sorryyoureoutofmyleague

#johnny lawrence #johnny lawrence x reader #william zabka #cobra kai #atmo-x #are you ready for some pain and suffering?#heh hehhh x #also that gif tho #so happy how it turned out #angry johnny is peak johnny #no your honour i stand by my statement

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buck-nialled · 3 years

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Necessary - R. Mendes (2)

NOTE: sorry this was a long time coming and took me awhile to complete. depending on if i get motivation to continue this series might not go on. I’m not really sure if I’m proud of how I continued this but feedback (good or bad) is always appreciated so let me know what you think.

TAGLIST: @fedorable-killjoys @particularnarry @swiftmendeshoran @5-seconds-of-mendes @preferredrealty

PART ONE

“Hey, son.” His father pats him on his back as he pulls him in for a strong embrace. It temporarily distracts from the painful swelling he is suffering in his downstairs area. And so is the building dread of telling the news to his family—definitely more news than he was anticipating telling them when his wife slid over the papers his way the other night in the kitchen. “So happy you could finally make it. And Shawn’s finally back from tour, and Peter and Aaliyah are back in town for the week; the whole family’s here.” He nods along with his father’s small celebration, scooting further into the entryway and from the cold Pickering air. He basks in the smell of his mother’s cooking and nearly lets the tears in his eyes continue building from his longing of returning to his parent’s house. He only allows a glossy shield to form over his pupils and turns his focus to the pounding footsteps of his younger sister, who was just beginning freshman year of college.

“Raul!” She leaps into his arms, and Raul bites his lip to hold in a monstrous groan. The sinking feeling of his stomach and genitals returns with the weight of his sister’s crushing hug only reinforcing it. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too.” He mumbles, locking eyes with Peter across the room. Of course, the most observant of the family sensed his brother’s discomfort immediately, and let Raul know this when his eyebrows inched closer to one another on his face.

“Well, Shawn should be here soon. Let’s finish setting the table.”

Time flew much faster than Raul expected it to because soon, he was the main topic of the table after his younger sister and two brothers. When asked about the women he would soon be splitting with, Raul felt his heart begin sinking with his stomach.

“She’s…doing okay.” His fork continued digging heaps of mashed potato, but he struggled to digest the thought of eating further.

“Your anniversary’s just around the corner, right? Four years?” His father prompts.

“Um…yeah.”

“You should have her over this year,” their mother suggests. “It’s been so long since we’ve had her over.”

“Yeah, I don’t…I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Raul sets his fork down entirely, exchanging the pushing of corn around for scratching at the back of his neck.

“Why not?” Aaliyah questions with downturned lips. Much like waves, the sinking Raul felt moments before begins to churn and rise inside of him. He begins salivating profusely and hardly manages to mumble out an “excuse me” before he is racing to the restroom. Shawn eventually volunteers to go have a much-needed one on one talk with his brother. He finds Raul lurched over the toilet, the porcelain bowl echoing what the family thought to be heaves at first.

They were sobs.

Shawn says nothing until Raul does. He rubs a hand up and down his brother’s back to coax Raul in pulling his head back out to face him. “She wants a divorce.” Shawn’s eyes bulge, hand freezing against his brother’s tense spine. “I just signed the papers this morning.”

“Is that all?” Raul is not a man of begging, nor walking backward. He is typically not the bearer of bad news unless necessary. And while he is financially plummeting (and will be even more if he carries on with the doctor’s suggestions of surgery) there was no amount of money or support Shawn could offer him in this restroom right now to solve his devastation. He shakes his head, and Shawn offers to share the recent bad news with the family to save Raul his dignity and dinner—or, what was left of either.

Y/N’s head snaps up eagerly as the jingle perks her ears for the fifteenth time that Tuesday. She is left disappointed by another face that is not Raul’s and returns to the business email’s inbox, displayed on the monitor. More than a couple of weeks have gone by without a visit from Raul, not that she should be expecting one anytime soon; he never gave her a specific time for any of his foreshadowed trips. After clearing out the inbox of any pointless messages, she closes the tab and is brought to another she opened just minutes ago.

Testicular cancer effects

The lack of Raul’s hearty laughs and hooded eyes around the shop might have driven her to paranoia. She prefers to label it “concern for a friend’s well-being” but in all honesty, she has no confirmation Raul purchased that book on advice for himself. For all she knows, it could be for a friend or family member. But she still could not rid of the nagging thoughts in the back of her mind that this is the reason for Raul not visiting. She could not be the issue—unless flirtatious winks and cookies are a typical farewell the man gives to people he dislikes.

Her eyes drift to the other tab and clicked it to distract the negative thoughts of Raul possibly suffering.

How to know if you’re a homewrecker

This search is one Y/N felt especially guilty about and would be deleted from the computer’s search history immediately along with the effects of testicular cancer. Her eyes were locked on every bolded line the article claimed was a sign that she could currently be ripping apart a marriage. However, she found none to be accurate. Not that she was used to marrying men donating to her brother’s field trip fund or leaving her witty notes on a napkin. The article concludes with a final sign that the husband reciprocates any affection and his ring could be coming off. Y/N only shakes her head. “Ridiculous,” she mutters to herself.

“This weather? Tell me about it.” The deep voice drawls her eyes away from the screen and to the hand, she remembers all too well the night she tried searching for his pulse. The ring was no longer present on the hand, glistening with a wet sheen that piqued Y/N’s curiosity further. Her eyes trail up and gasp at the sopping wet man stood before her. His hair was matted to his forehead and close to shielding his eyes completely. But she had memorized the color of his irises by his second visit, so there was no misfortune there.

“Raul?”

His teeth began chattering from the store’s restless vents pumping cold air. “Suppose you don’t have any books on avoiding the rain…or divorce?”

Minutes pass and Raul finds himself on the floor once again. Y/N voiced her apologies, trying to keep the pity low in her tone while she gazed down at him. Most of his frame was bundled in one of the blankets free for use in the children’s area, but his jean-clad legs were sticking out of the bottom, bare to the air condition.

“You can stay here as long as you’d like. Or, until closing at least. I’m gonna—” She began retreating to the desk when Raul’s damp hand latched onto her wrist.

“Do-do you think…could you just…stay here for a minute?” His voice is raspy from the pitiful moans that crawled from his throat that morning. He knew well that begging his wife to stay over his deformities would do nothing. His partner, who he assumed to be a life-long company, made it known with a smooth, fine-lined signature that he could not provide the life she is destined to have. She could no longer love him now that his masculinity has been reaped and it was beginning to make Raul think the same of himself.

“Sure,” she tries a smile and sits beside Raul’s damp face and soggy hair. Minutes before, he utilized the leather jacket as a makeshift pillow but the blanket to complement it offered little-to-nothing for Raul’s racing heart and clouded mind. Uninvited, Y/N’s hand reaches up to guide the fallen tendrils away from the man’s eyes, which had difficulty closing. Raul does not object to the intrusion of her hands which is the only motivation for the woman to continue the ministrations against his soaked scalp. Lowly, hums began floating through the air. He recognized the tune immediately, it being the same one mother sang to him and his brothers each night trouble would cloud their bedroom and made monsters out of shadows.

Raul’s body slowly paused it’s shivering, and the hands soothing tangles from his hair made this certain warmth fill him. When he closed his eyes and allowed Y/N’s hums to fill the empty air, Raul had an epiphany that this feels better than returning home. This person beside him was served Raul’s bad news by the man himself without any stomach complications. Rather than asking himself why she made things so easy, the weights of his eyelashes sealed themselves on Raul’s skin as her hums faded into silence.

Raul could afford one surgery if he was lucky. All of his time was now spent taking any appointments at the shop possible to scrape up enough extra cash before going on medical leave. That seemed to be the only constant reminder from Connor whenever Raul entered the building. All his woes of wasting time to consult with a doctor and schedule the procedure are always voiced back to him without fail.

He finally took the leap and scheduled the appointment with the doctor. The numbers were never-ending (medical bills, the chance of survival, future procedures). His doctor highly advised chemotherapy treatment, seeing as Raul went this long without doing much other than accepting the process. The exit to the doctor’s always seemed to appear steeper in its downhill slope. Nevertheless, Raul endured his decision and found a specific encouragement to go tell Connor how he finally did it. Strange light-headedness greeted Raul on his drive back to the auto shop, and it only increased the further down the road he got. A stranger would as assume he was in a drunken stupor, from the way his legs wobbled incessantly on his walk into the vicinity. Moans of intense pleasure drowned his senses in red. They sounded like two wrong notes, and Raul could not stop his stumbling march to Connor’s office for the whimpers and praises to end.

“What the hell?” He whispers, eyeing her with perplexity as she was not at her mother’s house, where she claimed she would be staying for a while. She immediately grabs a piece of cloth in desperation to shield her body from him, as if her every curve and dip is no longer ingrained in his mind. Connor’s voice quips, handing lame excuse after lame excuse for Raul to carry with him back out of the building. But the sound turned muffled, preventing him from manifesting in anything but the sight of his naked, soon to be ex-wife and coworker banging on his desk. Soon, though, his sight was also invaded by foggy dark splotches, covering every inch of the office being perceived by the man until his numb body crumpled to the floor, unresponsive.

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes au #shawn mendes series #raul mendes imagines #raul mendes #mendes triplet au #the mendes triplets #mendes triplets AU #mendes triplets #Peter Mendes

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resurrectedclones · 2 years

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Decided to just finish off the series since there were a good handful of episodes they don’t appear in. Although, I didn’t add Phantom Planet, because I know a lot of the fandom rejects it as canon and I didn’t really want to watch it, but I will if people want me to. I’ll also compile all lists together in one post and write down my conclusions on the Fenton Parents tomorrow.

list from previous 10 episodes

Good

Both are worried about jazz running away without telling them

Maddie asks if Jazz is alright when she calls

Jack tries to be supportive of Danny having a girlfriend

Jack goes to protect Danny when he hears him yelling

Both go to support Danny during the fitness test

Both let themselves run late to an event in order to give Danny his wallet

Both have their kids wear PPE when in contact with an unknown outbreak

Both feel guilty after being called out by jazz for making Danny not feel like he could trust them

Both breakdown crying when they believe Danny to be gone

Both are relieved when it turns out Danny is ok

Both accept and reassure Danny that they love him when they find out he's Phantom

Both check on Danny when they hear crashing from his room

Both get angry at Vlad for appearing to shoot Danny

Both run to Danny at seeing him hurt

Both attack a ghost they think is attacking Danny

Maddie jumps in front of who she thinks is Danny to protect him

Both go out looking for Danny when they couldn't find him after being chased by a ghost

Both make announcements around town to try and find Danny when he's missing

Both try to reassure who they think is Danny when they think he's been hurt by a ghost

Both hug Danny and relief when they see he is ok

Jack wants to bond with Danny and even bought a book to help

Jack calls out to Danny when he doesn't see him after the boat capsized

Maddie allows Jazz a chance to explain her plan

Jack fights the monster he saw attack Danny

Both are happy to see their kids in person rather than on a screen

Both ask where Danny is during a ghost attack

Bad

Jack bodily drags Danny away during a conversation with jazz

Both brush off Jazz’s concerns of a ghost being hurt by saying they don't care about that

More working on inventions outside the lab (this happened at least two more times and there was sparking involved)

Jack hits who he believes to be Danny with an untested weapon and instead of going to see if Danny is ok, he shrugs it off and goes to play golf

Both make Jazz go on a trip she doesn't want to go on, which has no stops dedicated to her while having two dedicated to Danny's friends

Both start pointing fingers instead of going to find Danny after seeing him being exposed as Phantom and having the GiW after him

Both let Jazz antagonize the guy who kidnapped them and can warp reality and say nothing about it

Both make Jazz feel like they love ghost hunting more than her

Both leave Danny alone in his trash room and don't do anything to indicate they will help clean or fix anything

Jack shoves a bunch of Vlad’s campaign stuff onto Dany despite his clear dislike and attempt to get away

Jack pushes Danny in front of a crowd despite him being clearly uncomfortable with it

Both almost had the family hide in the least safe place in the house to be during a storm

Jack doesn't notice that Danny smashed his thumb with a hammer despite yelling in pain

Jack brushes off Danny being upset about the massive storm that was clearly Vlad's fault

Both don’t question that Danny going to a friend's house during a massive storm

Jack talks over Danny when he tries to answer a question that Jack asked in the first place

Both ignore how tired Danny, and his friends are and force them to help in their experiments.

Both have Danny and his friends near cobbled together equipment that sets off sparks and high voltage current

Both sell the house and move without listening to their kids input or discussing it with them at all

#Danny Phantom

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dreamnorn · 3 years

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Feline Any Better? | Chapter 7 Summary

Hello, all. This is a summary post intended to go with Feline Any Better? Chapter 7: "Three Shades of Karma." The chapter has the following content warning:

CW: Explicit depiction of extended pre-anxiety attack symptoms, explicit depiction of domestic abuse (verbal, emotional, physical, and gaslighting), implied child abuse, and extended / visceral sequences of self-hatred.

...So this post is intended for people who do not wish to read explicit and extended depictions of this content, but would still like to keep up with my story. It is a thorough summary to provide context for future chapters. Details are under the readmore. Thank you.

Section 1:

At the dorm, Phoenix is distraught to find that Sir is gone. This opens the gates to him beating himself up. While he recognizes that he had altruistic reasons for wanting to help, he emphasizes what he deems as selfish: specifically, how he was "dying to know if he could make a real difference... to help someone in need when it often felt like he couldn't save himself." This wish extends to Miles, too, and Phoenix wonders if he'd ever be able to offer him solace past his suffering.

His intrusive thoughts only make things worse. They take on Dahlia's voice and refer to his desire to rekindle his friendship with Miles as pathetic. They then suggest Sir thought Phoenix was worthless and that's why both he, and Miles, left Phoenix. Teary and numb, Phoenix clutches to what little faith he can -- not in himself, but in Miles. With that, he finishes packing, leaves the dorm, and closes the window.

Section 2:

Gumshoe picks up Edgeworth from Ivy University, who tells him to not comment about his (coffee-stained) coat. As Edgeworth enters, the detective calls him "pal" and Edgeworth insists that Gumshoe refer to him as "Mr. Edgeworth" moving forward. Despite Gumshoe's upbeat demeanor, Edgeworth appreciates the help, and the fact that he won't really push for small talk.

The smell of Gumshoe's coffee sends Edgeworth onto an inner rant / monolog about Wright. He reflects on how their encounter had been stressful to navigate; after all, Wright could have left him breathless from the intensity of his gaze alone, and he maintained a presence of heart and mind to offer Edgeworth napkins despite being downcast. Wright's compassion shone through -- especially when coupled with "obvious flirting" -- and Edgeworth is stunned. The rant intensifies because Edgeworth isn't sure what to make when Wright would "shoot his shot as a joke." But it's not like Edgeworth cares, he tells himself (while, without a doubt, caring immensely).

Edgeworth is cut off when Gumshoe asks him if he's okay. Hoping to steer the conversation and his thoughts to something distracting, Edgeworth asks Gumshoe to follow up about his flowers, which was evidently what the detective had been talking about while Edgeworth was lost in thought. Gumshoe brings up a "beefy orange tom" of a neighborhood cat that uses his planter as a litterbox, but this spikes Edgeworth's anxiety, reminding him of his masquerade as a cat. After Edgeworth's failed attempt to steer the conversation back to flowers, Gumshoe tells him about how basil and mint can mimic catnip and Edgeworth gives up, trying to zone out.

As they approach the Prosecutor's Office, Gumshoe asks Edgeworth about the hoodie, noting several reasons why it seems like an odd item for Edgeworth to have. Receiving a glare, he admits it's none of his business, and Edgeworth agrees. When Gumshoe tries to bid his "pal" goodbye, Edgeworth sharply insists that it's "Mr. Edgeworth."

While Edgeworth approaches the building, his conscience yells at him to say a proper goodbye and not leave things off on such a sour note. It takes a lot of willpower, but he turns about to do so. By then, however, it's too late; Gumshoe has driven off. Edgeworth's chest hurts, but he keeps telling himself how "this doesn't matter."

Section 3:

Edgeworth pauses to take a break halfway up the stairs to his 12th-floor office, enjoying the perks of exercise and especially the privacy. Nonetheless, he dislikes how it's ever-strenuous despite going up and down twice a day. A thought in his voice asks "You know what would make this easier?" and Edgeworth becomes extra aware of the cat mask in his pocket. He considers the benefits of being a cat to climb the stairs, citing the lack of cameras and his feline fitness, but ultimately decides that he's not lazy and the risks aren't worth it.

And, of course, he reminds himself how he doesn't want to be a cat ever again.

Section 4:

Before Edgeworth can fully settle back into his office, Franziska barges in, demanding to know where he disappeared to. Edgeworth feels somewhat prepared, as he had thought of this in advance, and spins a short tale with partial, arranged truths to lie as convincingly as he can. He nonetheless feels guilty about it.

Franziska's hands shake, which causes Edgeworth some alarm. She tries to pick the story apart before he can probe what's wrong, asking how he had "such piss-poor reception in a college library that [he] did not receive any of [her] texts." Edgeworth is as perplexed as she is, as he didn't get any even when entering an area with better reception, and he shows her his phone as proof. (It occurs to him that whatever he had on him must have vanished when he transformed.) Franziska tries to rebuke Edgeworth's spoken claim, but can't, and is clearly deeply upset.

When Edgeworth tries to ask what's wrong, Franziska snaps with how she wasn't worried and tries to withdraw, visibly tearful by this point. Edgeworth attempts to approach her, but she smacks her riding crop against his desk and asks him if he had any idea what he left her with, implying she experienced abuse from von Karma. Edgeworth catches the implication and panics, trying to speak, but Franziska cuts him off. She calls Edgeworth out for disappearing and his "bullshit answers," asking a series of questions that Edgeworth has no convincing way to respond to. He doesn't have to answer, though; Franziska admits that she can't find what part of his story was a lie and tells him to never vanish like that again.

Edgeworth is now feeling the onset of pre-anxiety attack symptoms and hates it. He believes he deserves every ounce of ire he's receiving and to be lucid for it, despite the circumstances he had faced.

Franziska, calming somewhat, suggests that von Karma will tear into Edgeworth much worse and requests that Edgeworth at least text her before he goes out for a significant period of time. He grasps the words to agree and forces a small smile, refusing to melt down in front of her. Franziska takes her leave not long after. Once she's gone, Edgeworth grabs Wright's hoodie and screams into it.

Section 5:

The buildup of an anxiety attack can last over many hours, and this is one of them. It leaves Edgeworth unable to focus on work as well, and he beats himself up for only being able to do his bare minimum; he had hoped he could do more to stave off disaster when interacting with von Karma.

Now that lunch is ended, and he failed to make his usual stop on the stairs, Edgeworth sits to rest for a moment on his office couch. A thought in his voice suggests it's comfortable but not comforting. He tries to close his eyes and concentrate on his breathing, but his brain latches onto Wright as a source of comfort. He thinks about him, easing just a bit, but comes to when he realizes that he's holding and hugging Wright's hoodie. Without any idea how and when it got in his hands, Edgeworth grows tense again and shoves it away. Resolving to never tell Wright about this, he goes back to work and ignores the shadow at the corner of his eye.

Section 6:

Edgeworth still hasn't let his anxiety attack run its course. It's been hours now and he feels acutely exhausted in both mind and body. This lingers even after carpooling with von Karma, who is quiet on the way back to the manor.

Once there, von Karma shoos Franziska away. He has no patience for Edgeworth's mental state, asserting that Edgeworth is incompetent before asking where he went. Edgeworth is struggling to speak, but lies and tells him he was reading The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles at the Ivy University library. This infuriates von Karma, as he's aware it's about a defense attorney, and demands to know what Edgeworth was aiming for by reading "such insipid literature."

Edgeworth saying he was interested in the historical jurist system does not appease von Karma. Instead, von Karma goes off about how Edgeworth is always focusing on the wrong things, hasn't retained any of his teachings, and is too immature to make smart decisions. He then suggests he wasted his time raising Edgeworth, attempting to guilt him by stating that no one else would have wanted him, helped him, or even looked at him. However, Edgeworth, in spite of everything, realizes that's wrong, and that "someone else would have helped [him] if he could." It implies that he's thinking of Wright.

Before he can stop himself, Edgeworth lets slip that von Karma is wrong. A sharp moment passes and von Karma slaps Edgeworth, telling him to consider that a warning and that he will "not be so generous" next time Edgeworth talks back or leaves without telling anyone. When Edgeworth doesn't speak, von Karma digs deep into gaslighting him, and Edgeworth plummets further into an anxious and self-loathing spiral. He hates how von Karma is treating him, but feels as if he shouldn't -- he's guilty about it and finds his loathing pathetic, and that maybe von Karma is right in that something is wrong with him.

That notion is only reinforced when he lets himself acknowledge just how much he wants to see Phoenix.

Section 7:

Edgeworth makes a decision.

Section 8:

A while later, Edgeworth parks his car. He texted his sister before leaving, saying that he has further business to attend to and he may be out overnight again -- and that his phone will be off and he'll check on her texts later. He almost tells her to take care, but doesn't.

Turning off his phone and placing it in his glove compartment, he then locks his car. It's revealed he dropped off his coffee-stained coat and Wright's hoodie at the dry cleaners before arriving across from Ivy University campus. Edgeworth repeats to himself how he's "only going to do this once," considering himself horrible and dishonest. He believes he cannot reveal "the real Miles Edgeworth" to Wright and so he can't go to him as a man, opting to at least "be as harmless as he could."

With that, he withdraws the mask, revealing he intends to see Wright as a cat. He could swear he hears a purr.

Section 9:

Phoenix, having given up on a halfhearted attempt at a law essay, is sketching a slightly anthro cat on an armchair who looks dignified, aristocratic, and disdainful. It brings him some passing joy, and he thinks about how Sir and Edgeworth have similar vibes. The thought leaves him wondering, though, if it's weird for him to compare the two. He then decides it's weirder just how much he cares for them both despite the perceived discrepancy in how long he's known them. It hurts, too, because Phoenix feels guilty that he can't just be happy at knowing he's going to see Miles soon -- that he also feels worried and wishes he could see Sir again.

His intrusive thoughts only make it worse, suggesting this is because of how Phoenix loves "quickly and with conviction." He shakes the image of Dahlia out of his head and fails to focus on nicer things. His brain torments him with horrible hypotheticals of Sir, including if he's still a cat, if there's no way for him to transform back, or if he got run over by a car and may never be found. They get so bad that Phoenix hyperventilates and rushes to the bathroom to splash cold water in his face and calm himself before he experiences dry heaves.

A few minutes later, he's calmed down, but hears tapping from the bedroom. He peers out, and after a moment and some more taps, he realizes Sir is at the window. Sir's body language is noticeably down, and though Phoenix is relieved to see him alive and safe, he gets a gut feeling that something is wrong.

Upon opening the window, Phoenix asks if something is the matter. Sir stumbles onto his lap, quivering and yowling in apparent despair. Heart rending, Phoenix shuts the window, pulls Sir up into a hug, and pets him. Phoenix does his best to hush and soothe Sir, telling him he's not sure what happened or why he came back, but that he's here for him.

Though Phoenix worries he may not be of any "real help," his efforts seem to ease Sir into tiny, staggered purrs. Phoenix is left to wonder that, if he can provide such comfort, maybe things will turn out all right.

#Feline Any Better #thus wrote Dreamnorn #this took eons #but I think this chapter warranted it

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btsslowburnfic · 4 years

Text

BTBY Chapter 5

Series Summary: For Namjoon, the moment he set his sights on being the #1 rapper, he pushed the symbol to the side and hated it. Love should be chosen, not forced on you. He didn’t believe in fate and this mark on his wrist was a big “fuck you” to all that.

Chapter Summary: Practice Day 2. There’s some electricity in the air.

Previous chapter found here

The morning goes as normal as it can for you. The studio is a little hectic with the extra clients from Robert’s studio but everyone is very cool about the changes. You teach 2 yoga classes and sub out pilates. You decide to watch the BTS interviews while in your office; purely for professional purposes. Clearly. You hear a knock on the door, “Come in!” you yell as you scoop more oatmeal into your mouth. It’s Xavier.

“Hey babe,” he says carrying coffees.

“You are the best!” you yell from your desk. He looks over at the TV.

“Oh yes, I like this.” he says as he watches the performance.

You laugh, “Oh my God you brat.” you walk to the other side of the desk and grab the iced coffee. “But...I’m not complaining either.

“Are you coming to my class?” he asks, stretching as he sits his drink on your desk.

“Yeah, my arm feels better, I’ll just baby it.”

“Is lunch catered today? I can’t remember.” he continues to do some warm up stretches.

“No. BTS is having lunch on the set of their last show so we’re on our own. Let’s get something delivered to Robert’s. We have to head there right after your class to meet the backup dancers. What do you want? I’ll schedule it now.”

“What’s for dinner?” he asks.

You pull up the catering order “It looks like a Korean/Italian/American blend. I think each guy just said what they wanted. There is no theme to this menu,” you laugh.

“Just order some burritos. Get one for Rafael too. And Joe. He might stop by.”

“Oooo your boyfriend and your bias in one place? Are you going to be able to handle that much sexiness?” you joke as you start typing in the food order.

He laughs, “ Honey please, Joe sat down with me last night and we watched like a hundred of their videos, why else do you think he’s going to stop by? Anyways. Enough about me…...Any updates on YOUR soulmate front? Did you tell Ben? Bribe a hotel staff member?” Xavier asks.

You audibly groan. “No,no, and I’m poor, what the hell am I gonna bribe someone with? Free Pilates class? I don’t think there’s going to be much to update considering my soulmate clearly doesn’t want anything to do with me. And I haven’t told Ben. If I tell him I’d want to do it in person and I haven’t seen him yet.”

“What do you mean, “if”?”

“We agreed that we didn’t care about that thing when we started dating.” you shrug.

“Can’t we try and solve the mystery though?!?! You tracked him down to the hotel. Maybe we can go stake out the lobby or something….”

“That probably means he’s visiting from out of town and I’m never going to see him again. And we have a packed day. Dance class, set up the studio while we shovel burritos into our faces, and then rehearse with the back up dancers, and then rehearse with everyone.” You pack your half-lies into the truth about your full day. And you feel a little guilty. Maybe you should tell him. Maybe. Fuck it.

“Annnndddd I sort of already found out who it is?”

“WHAT?! WHAT WHAT WHAT!?!?!?! How? Did you go spy without me!??!?! How you dare (how you dare how you dare)” he gets distracted for a second breaking out into song. “But seriously, WHAT?!?!”

You are suddenly very sweaty and nervous as you try to form the words…”It’s uh...someone in BTS.”

“WHAT WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” he grabs your shoulders, coming face to face with you. “Are you being serious right now or are you fucking with me?!”

“Unfortunately I am being serious.”

“That means one of them is secretly an asshole...which one of them could it……” he trails off for a second, lost in thought, “Holy shit it’s RM isn’t it??!?!” he whispers dramatically as he pieces together the awkwardness of yesterday.

Your silence and scrunched up face confirm it.

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“WOW”

“Yeah.”

“But he’s so nice and cool.”

You sigh, “Yeah to you and everyone else. Apparently he hates the whole “soul mate” thing on principle which is fine by me. I just need to get through these next few days and then we can part ways and continue on with our lives as normal.” you say. Like it’s the simplest thing in the world. If only. Xavier’s alarm goes off signaling 15 minutes to class.

“Well, way to drop a bomb on me right before class darling.” he jokes as he gathers up his phone and studio keys.

“I know, right? How do you think I felt walking into our meeting or that car yesterday?” you also gather your belongings. “36 more hours. Let’s just get through this.”

--------------------

The backup dancers all arrive on time and are prepped and ready. They run the dances several times through with Xavier. All of you had rehearsed a few times last week after Xavier’s dance class so the only real challenge today would be to run it with the group. You were glad you had got most of the dancers you requested; they were professionals who wouldn’t act like a bunch of idiots in front of famous people. Unlike Xavier. Who kept checking his watch.

“Are they here yet? I wanna see….” he says, peering down the hallway.

“Oh my God, it’s been ten minutes since you last checked. They are on a tight schedule and not supposed to be here yet. And see what?”

“The sparks of attraction and forbidden romance between you and RM.”

“Ew. No. Get away from me.” you shove him back into the studio. “And stop saying things, people might hear you. We are taking this shit to the grave.” you pull him close to you “TO THE GRAVE.” you hold up your pinky for a promise.

“Nope. I’m not promising shit.” he says and hops over to the console to talk to Rafael.

Dammit. Oh well. At least one of you was enjoying this. You thought telling someone else would give you some relief, but so far it had just done nothing. If anything you were more nervous today because you’d had time to anticipate what this evening and tomorrow would be like. Ughhh. You go down to the kitchen and grab some coffee and graham crackers. You scroll through your phone enjoying the brief moments of silence before you go back upstairs and find your mind wandering to RM dancing yesterday and you feel your face flush. You wish you could stop yourself but like with most things, the more you try not to think about them, the more you do. Dammmmit. You make sure light snacks and beverages are set up for the backup dancer break and head upstairs to relieve them for an hour.

“Ok everyone! You have about an hour break. Please stay on premise. There are snacks and drinks on floor one as well as your green-room. Remember, if anyone takes pictures or recording once the band gets here, you are fired. This time it is written explicitly in our contract with them, got it?” you hear a bunch of “yeah’s” from the crowd. Like you said earlier, these were professionals in LA, they knew the drill. “Ok, I will come get you all when it’s time to rehearse again. Break.” you say, dismissing them.

“They look really good, great job Xavier,” you say as you walk over to the front of the room.

“Thanks! I can’t wait to see it all together.” he responds. “What do you need help with?”

“I just have to get the lav mics set up again but they’re ready from yesterday You’ve been dancing for hours so why don’t you go grab some water?” you say.

“Okie dokie doll. Come grab me when you need me,” he says as he picks up his satchel and heads downstairs.

“Rafael, do you need anything?” you ask your other coworker.

“Me?Nope. Just looking forward to the group getting here so I can do more than just look pretty.” he smiles at you.

“You know what, same?” you laugh.

“Do you need anything from downstairs?” he asks as he steps down from the booth.

“No, I’m fine, thanks!” You wave him away as you get the room reset in preparation for the group’s arrival. You put on some BTS music while you clean up random water bottles and towels.

You are in your own zone singing along when you look up and see RM standing in the doorway and you give a light shriek. “Shit fuck. Sorry. You scared me.” You scurry over to the console and turn the music off.

“Nice taste in music,” he smirks at you.

“Thanks, just doing my research. You’re here early.” you say double checking your watch.

He fumbles with his hands and seems way less confident than usual and you instantly wonder what the heck is going on. He seems so much different from yesterday, “Yeah. They'll be here soon. I just, uh. Wanted to talk to you. Now that I've had time to kind of process everything. "

"Oh. " you are extremely shocked.

" I just want you to know that I don't dislike you. You're a great producer and you seem like a really nice person. Anyone would be lucky to have you as their soul mate. I'm just not into… that." he says as he looks mostly down and off to the side.

You take a deep breath. This is not what you were expecting today. "Well thanks a lot. I appreciate it. Like I said, the whole thing is kind of weird and shitty for me too. You're a cool dude and you know, famous and hot, but I'm also not into the whole destiny thing. And apparently you’re not a total asshole." you agree as you continue to pick up the room. You hear him chuckle," What? "

"You think I'm hot,"

"Oh shut up, I'm sure you hear it all day, everyday from the internet." you tease as you wrap up the garbage bag." Here, I'll unlock your guys’ dressing room for you." you lead him down the hallway. "Can I grab you anything from the kitchen while you wait?”

"No thanks, I'm going to read for a bit and yeah they should be here in about half an hour"

You stand in the doorway for a minute to make sure everything is set up for the arrival. You suddenly become extremely aware of the fact RM is still standing right behind you in the doorway. “Ok well, I’ll bring the other up when they get here.” you feel your face blushing as you brush past him. It feels like you just got zapped by electricity. You ignore it and head downstairs to clean up after the backup dancers.

The rest of the afternoon goes according to plan with the group arriving and practicing solo again, with the dancers, and then with full audio and music. It looks amazing and you are impressed but also super irritated because you SHOULD be able to watch this at the actual venue tonight, not at a gym studio.

Xavier sneaks up behind you during one of the breaks. “Soooo…...how’s it going?”

“I think they look amazing! Don’t you?”

“Yeah yeah they look fine. I meant about the other thing. You know….that thaaaaaanggg.” he wiggles his eyebrows.

“Oh God. No. There is nothing.”

“....don’t tell me that, he keeps staring at you.”

“Yeah probably because I’m the director. Everyone is staring at me.” you roll your eyes.

“Really? Nothing new?” he asks and you sigh.

“Oh my god, fiiiiiine. Here, let’s go get some coffee.” you grab a mic “Ok everyone, grab some water if you want and meet back here in ten for our last 2 sets and then we’ll review the plan for tomorrow. Break!”

You grab Xavier’s arm and head down to the kitchen. “Coffee?” you ask.

“It’s 8 pm.” he responds.

“...iced coffee?” you amend.

“No. I don’t know how you can do that.” he wrinkles his nose at your late night caffeine habit.

You shrug and walk with him down the hallway to the locker room and shut the door, locking it. You give him an overview of what RM had said to you earlier in the afternoon.

“I knew he wasn’t an asshole. The internet never lies.”

“Ok but he WAS an asshole yesterday,” you roll your eyes and sip some coffee. “And then he accidentally touched me and it felt like I was mildly electrocuted and I kind of liked it and I AM CONFUSED.”

Xavier starts to laugh at you, “Yeah well that’s because everything with your soulmate is more intense. It goes along with the emotions and pain. What feels good also feels REALLY good if you know what I mean.”

“I touched him yesterday when putting his lav mic on and nothing happened soooo i don’t think your theory works but ok.” You pull out your phone to check the time.

“Oh no honey, my theory is spot on. And I predict if he wasn’t leaving in a few days y’all would be all up on each other. Bye Ben. Bye BTS. Hello sexy soulmate time.”

“Um No. Rude. I have a boyfriend. Also catering is here.” you put your phone back in your pocket.

“I HaVe a BoYfrIenD…” Xavier mocks you jokingly and you smack him as the two of you exit the locker room.

30ish hours. You could make it 30ish hours. NEXT CHAPTER

#bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts rm x you #namjoon x you #bts fanfction #rm x oc #bts rm fanfic #bts au fanfic #bts namjoon #bts scenarios

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celosiaa · 4 years

Text

Found family thoughts (TM)

Okay so I know I said I wasn’t going to post about my JM and daughter dream/daydream but now it has turned into a fic series idea and I must express it!! It’s all under the cut for safety!

Like I said before what I am studying in school filters heavily into my dreams so that’s why all the medical talk is here

CW: discussion of serious illness (benign tumor, no death), blood mention, pneumonia

So JM end up adopting a daughter (Emma) a few years into their marriage

She calls Martin “Dad” and Jon “Baba” (Arabic for dad)

Both of them are so nervous about being parents because neither really had a father figure growing up

As it turns out they’re pretty good at it, with some mistakes along the way of course

Emma and Jon are very similar, and so they butt heads sometimes. However she is very soft with Martin. Of course they all love each other but by the time Emma goes to uni she is glad for the space

Jon feels like he’s messed up somehow but Martin explains that they’re just very similar, and that of course she loves him.

Jon knows he’s right but can’t help but be a little bit jealous of the way she is with him

Anyway it’s now Emma’s second year of uni

She comes around more often, and has been bringing home her girlfriend with her

Jon is extremely happy that she’s coming around more and loves her girlfriend, but Martin dislikes change so he feels a little threatened, but he pushes through. Ends up loving her girlfriend of course, it just takes him some time

Anyway in the fall semester of Emma’s second year at uni, Martin gets ill with what they think is a cold, then it’s bronchitis, then it’s pneumonia that just doesn’t want to go away

Jon takes him to the doctor again after it gets bad enough that he starts coughing up blood, is short of breath, and can’t walk around without getting dizzy

He ends up having a bronchial adenoma, which is a benign (non-cancerous) slow-growing tumor that can lodge in the airway and cause all the symptoms he’s been having

It can also form other tumors, most commonly bone tumors, and they find one in his left hip where he’s also been having some pain

Jon calls Emma to tell her that he’s going to have surgery to remove them, and they both feel guilty because it’s her final exams week. She’s worried of course but they tell her to finish her exams and then come home

They’re waiting on the pneumonia to resolve before the surgery, so Martin is just taking it easy at home and has been put on oxygen

When Emma comes home he’s so bubbly and happy and just talks to her about school. Her girlfriend comes with her and they come out as nb to Jon and Martin

Martin just acts like everything is the most wonderful news and he’s so happy, and though Jon knows it’s true, he also knows that Martin is trying to act more well than he is for Emma’s sake.

So he makes dinner, not really engaging in conversation, because he’s upset and frustrated and trying so hard not to be.

Really the only glimpse Emma gets that night of her dad not being well (besides the oxygen) is the way he struggles to eat dinner. Even so he’s still all smiles until he encourages Emma to meet up with her friends at the pub.

They go out and immediately Martin is coughing, having just made himself worse all evening because he’s been trying to shove down his symptoms

Jon is well and truly pissed about this and they have an argument about honesty

Martin just tries to argue that he’s trying to do the best that he can

They don’t really end up agreeing with each other, but they do make up.

Jon texts Emma to remind her that they’re sleeping on the pull-out couch in the living room for now, as stairs aren’t really going well for Martin at the moment, just so they’re not surprised to find them in the living room when they get back from the pub

Anyway this is where my dream ended but imma keep going

Martin works on allowing himself to show some vulnerability in front of his daughter during her break from uni, partially out of necessity, but also because he starts to see that Jon is right—that they need to treat her like an adult. That she has a right to know what’s really going on.

Martin’s pneumonia resolves after a few weeks and he has surgery to get both tumors excised, so he is in recovery for a good while

Emma comes home more, Jon and she both work on understanding each other

They’re worried about him potentially needing chemo but after keeping a watchful eye for several months, the doctors decide it’s not necessary

They throw a celebration for Martin at the good news, and at the celebration, Emma’s partner proposes to her

It’s alllllll a big found family who loves each other through hell and back

The end (god this was so long sorry)

#tma #the magnus archives #tma fic #ideas #long post #cw illness #cw blood #cw pneumonia #my writing #emma

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nightwingmyboi · 4 years

Note

Pt 1) I just realized Young Justice based Dick's reaction to Wally going into the speed force on how he reacted to Donna's death in the comics which means that in the show canon he probably went through all the shit he went through after Donna's death like oh shit man, they didn't even show us that much, just that he was still struggling in season 3 but if they really did base it on Donna's death then Dick was straight up suicidal and the show doesn't??? Address it???

Pt 2) they're just like "fever dream" and "calls Will Walls" and that's!! All!!! Like, shit man, Young Justice season 3 was already pretty dark with the human trafficking stuff, but having realized what they were basing his reaction on (the self isolation, super dangerous missions with no backup, etc - all shit he did in the comics) and I should have noticed when the title of the season was Outsiders like fucking duh but holy shit

Yeah, season 3 referenced the Outsiders (2003) comics series some, but honestly only the bare bones. Like, I’m not surprised you missed it; the only things they really carried over was the name “Outsider”, along with Dick’s aversion to being on a team after the death of a close friend. Well, that and the one episode with Will where he tries to talk some sense into Dick, which was very reminiscent of the type of support that Roy gave Dick in the comics during that period of time.

I feel like besides that, the show didn’t really approach it all the same way. Comics Dick Grayson was very much self-destructing, as you described. He had shut himself off from the hero community, and even six weeks later, he was still isolating himself in Bludhaven, refusing to talk to anyone and mourning.

Teen Titans/Outsider Secret Files

Elsewhere, he is even shown pushing away Tim, and presumably Bruce was included in that exclusion as well. I don’t know if I would say he is explicitly suicidal like you mention, but you could probably make a case for it. He is definitely depressed. And he would have continued this self-isolation if not for Roy coming to him in person, and out-stubborning him into leading the Outsiders. Dick just barely agreed, and only then because the team was meant to be just work. And even when Dick is leading the team, he doesn’t act as he usually would; he is strict and emotionally distant. It’s easier for him to lose his temper and fly off the handle.

Outsiders (2003) #4

Happy? He’s mad again. We almost went a whole day without him offering to fire us.

In contrast, YJ Dick isn’t really shown self-isolating. Even on his “dangerous solo missions,” he has Barbara in the back seat monitoring the situation and helping him out. And honestly, a lot of YJ is him trying to convince people to go on missions with him rather than the other way around (like with Superboy, Black Lightning, Will, etc). He coordinates with Batman, Aqualad, and Wonder Woman. He cracks jokes a lot. He’s flirty with Barbara, and is in a close relationship with her. After that initial period of being somewhat flighty when it came to leading the Outsiders and taking responsibility for the kids, he seems to regularly train the kids and is shown mentoring them. He chills around the campfire chatting and bonding with the team. You would not have caught Comic Dick doing any of that lmao.

Really, we only catch hints that YJ Dick is struggling, like with the Will/Wall thing and the fever dream. For the most part, Dick isn’t shown to be struggling to the same degree/extent that the comics allow. It’s true that Dick is certainly masking his grief, but even so, he is way more well adjusted than I would have expected. Dick is infamous in the comics for bottling up his emotions and lashing out when the stress becomes too much, and for cutting people out of his life when he experiences a loss (like with Donna and then Bruce later). But there is none of that in the show. And really, his best friend dies as a result of a plot that he had concocted (a plot that said friend who died very much did not agree with), but Dick apparently was fine going right back to plotting behind people’s backs once more? That didn’t seem to fit quite right to me, idk.

So yeah, I would have liked for the show to have leaned into Dick’s bad habits a bit more, to have him be angry and guilty and more withdrawn. And have the others reach out and help him overcome. I also realize that YJ isn’t the Dick Grayson show, that other characters needed time and exploration also, and that Dick recruiting people the way he did served the greater plot so. Sometimes that is how it be.

But really, since we are talking about it, the whole Outsiders concept fell a little flat in the show for me. The team originally were called the Outsiders in the comics because they worked outside the hero community doing the sort of messy, dirty jobs other teams couldn’t. The team was edgy and destructive, filled to the brim with members with abrasive personalities and strong opinions. The team dynamic was very dysfunctional, sometimes it was like watching a train wreck having them interact. It was delightful. But the YJ team was in the leagues pocket from the get go, and was basically a team of cinnamon rolls (looking at you Halo and Forager). Not that that is necessarily a bad thing, but I wish they hadn’t attached the Outsiders name to it at all, because I came in with expectations that were squashed. Still, I can see what they were going for, it was certainly darker/grittier than previous seasons. And this also isn’t to say I disliked YJ; I did still enjoy season 3 quite a bit, and there are good moments in the show. Like that aforementioned fever dream?? That was really a punch to the gut, wow. And seeing Lian? That one episode with Zatanna and Artemis? I could go on. But I won’t because this is already too long.

#every ask is turning into a super long analysis now #sorry #blame quarantine #thanks for the ask #young justice #yj #dick grayson #nightwing #outsiders #long post #donna troy #character analysis #meta #ask

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98prilla · 4 years

Text

Falling Apart: Part 1

Part 5 of the Dark Side Logan series.

Roman goes for a walk in the imagination to try and clear his head. Things do not go well.

Ao3

He's in the imagination. Where else would he be, after all?

Not his room, where his thoughts spiral out into fantasies and daydreams, not the commons, waiting for a splash of blue that's never coming, not even his own side of the imagination, where everything is too bright and cheery.

No. It's darkness and quiet and solitude he needs, so he's crossed the boundary lines into Remus's territory.

The trees’ spindly limbs stretch up and up, tangling together in the canopy. Dark eyes seem to glow, staring from hollows and underbrush, soft cackles and rustles echoing from nowhere in particular. An owl hoots ominously, and he shakes his head with a fond smile.

If the others think he is one for clichés and exaggerations, then they don’t know Remus. He prides himself on his work, maybe more than he himself does, every detail must be perfect down to a T. He wonders how long was spent writing his song, how many times did he rehearse it, perform it, force Deceit to listen to it, until he was sure it was ready?

Oh, Remus may be darker than him, sure, and much more impulsive, with much more dangerous ideas, but he is still Creativity, still takes pride in every being and mote of dust he conjures, still thrives on other's approval.

Something he was guilty of denying him far too many times. How long has it been, since Remus barged into his room, face aglow, hands gesturing wildly as he spouted off his newest genius idea, because he just had to share it, right that instant? When did he stop smiling fondly, asking questions, instead of being cold and dismissive? And why? Why did he change in the first place?

Just another crime to add to his list, he supposes, wincing.

It's his own ego, or rather, lack of one, he supposes. All flaunt and flounce, no actual substance. Always afraid, of being disliked, of being unneeded, of being unwanted, of not being good enough. His own insecurities making him lash out at Remus, for fear of being replaced.

Lash out at Logan. For fear of being found irrelevant.

He winces again, replaying every snide remark, every mocking nickname, every time he shut Logan down or pushed him out, or pushed him away.

They had moments, sure, good memories, among the bad, discussing poetry, the rap battle, their shared appreciation of literature. But even he wasn’t fool enough to think the good outweighed the bad.

And that’s the crux of it all, isn’t it?

He knows the dark sides aren’t bad, or evil. He knows this intimately, because of Remus. Because Remus isn’t bad, and Remus had told him how Deceit takes care of him when he’s overwhelmed, how he used to soothe Virgil, kept the emo sane at all, when he was new and barely in control. And he knows Ambition is so far from evil, is so far in the right that he could never be bad.

If anyone is bad, it is him. He's been a bad brother, a bad friend, a bad family member. A bad person.

His shoulders drop even more at that thought, because it's true, and he deserves to be left behind, left alone, with his grief. It should be Remus's turn in the spotlight, he can imagine how his twin would thrive and glow off being center stage. It's not like Remus would be able to fuck up any harder than he already had.

He hears a hiss, and he freezes. He hasn’t been watching where he was going, merely wandering absently. Usually, creatures in the imagination left him alone unless he was actively questing. But this wasn’t his side, and it was the outskirts of Remus's. Any creatures here would be impossible for him to control, and nearly as hard for Remus to influence.

He steels himself and slowly reaches for his sword, pretending to be looking at his shoe. In one fluid motion, he draws his sword, holding it before him in a ready stance, eyes flashing with his blade as he looks up, assessing his foe.

And that is his first and only mistake he needs to make for his foe to hold all the cards.

Instantly, he is frozen in paralysis, ruby glimmering eyes all he can see, filling his entire world. His grip on his sword tightens, his knuckles going white with the effort of keeping it raised, keeping his stance, it takes all his will not to break under those eyes.

It is a Cockatrice. A feathered serpent. It trails poison in its wake, in its breath, in its being. Its eyes are hypnotizing, deadly, in some cases. This one appears to have a pointed stinger on its tail, venom dripping from its talons, its bright plumage screaming of danger, as it snaps its beak at him, hissing and stretching its wings.

They are a mesmerizing rainbow of color. They shimmer, flowing from fiery reds to deep ocean blues, enchanting and enticing, somehow promising everything he's ever wanted. He can see himself being lauded, being loved, Thomas being a star, and it brings tears to his eyes, how much it aches, stings, hurts, inside.

His sword has fallen from his hand, thumping softly into the underbrush. Distantly, he knows this is a mistake, he knows he should be fighting, but this warmth, this… hope is something he hasn’t felt in so, so, long.

Faster than his groggy mind can decipher, the wings flare shut. He stumbles, tries to dodge, but the beast is faster as the tail nicks his cheek.

He rolls, grabbing his sword, eyes averted as he swings, but is balance is wrong, his grip sweaty, and the beast screeches, making him clap his hands over his ears, it is deafening, echoing in his skull, staggering. Then there are talons pinning him to the ground, puncturing through his body, and he hisses, wriggles, but they just push him harder into the ground.

He gasps, vision flaring white, spasming as fire flares through his veins, burning him alive, from the inside out. He reaches up, scratching the talons, tearing at the feathers, at anything he can reach, feeling his own hands tearing into his skin, trying anything, everything, to get away, to get out, to make it stop, stop, STOP!

How funny, how silly, how utterly perfect, that he can’t do anything right, including saving himself from dying now. Maybe it’s better off this way, maybe they’ll all be better off this way. He can’t breathe, can’t even flail anymore, as he feels the cockatrice bite into his shoulder. His vision goes black and he screams, writhing and fighting and choking on bile before his throat closes up and everything stops.

…

Remus nearly screams, crumpling in two, hands clutching at his hair, the wash of agony is like nothing he’s ever felt, and it doesn’t take him even a second to know where it’s coming from. It vanishes as quick as it came, leaving nothing but a phantom ache behind.

“Remus.” Deceit is supporting him, keeping him from face planting on the ground as he regains his balance. He lurches to his feet, barely aware of Deceit asking him what’s wrong, of Cygnus placing a hand on his shoulder, having come in from the living room at the commotion he’d made nearly falling.

Instead he shoves past the two of them, sprinting to his room. He throws the door open hard enough it must dent the wall behind it, add a new crack to the wood, and he doesn’t even blink as he runs through the mirror that leads to his side of the imagination.

It’s stronger here, and he nearly keels over again, it staggers him, and he can barely breathe for a moment, before his vision clears. His mirror leads to his bedroom in his castle, and he runs, throwing open the balcony door. He’s not surprised to see her waiting.

“Hyacinth.” He gasps out, looking into the eyes of one of his closest friends, Roman’s favorite sparring partner, the Dragon Witch. Her eyes glitter like emeralds, two sets of leathery wings sprouting from her back, wearing a dark dress of glittering scales, knee high black boots.

“You feel it, too.” She states, and he nods, panic welling in his throat, any second he is going to scream, it is going to overwhelm him, it is going to crush him, because Roman is in trouble, Roman is hurt, Roman is hurt very badly and he cannot, will not, lose him.

“Find him. Please, we need to find him, I need to find him, I need to, have to…” He trails off, words becoming choked, vision becoming blurry, tears stinging his eyes.

“I know. All my dragons are out searching. Both your kingdom and his. As soon as they find anything-“ Her words are cut off by a distant roar. Her head snaps up, and she grabs his hand, vaulting over the balcony with him, onto the back of a dragon. He doesn’t protest, just holds tight to the spine spikes of the silver beast, almost numb, at this point, with fear.

They touch down what could be minutes or hours later, time has lost all meaning. He’s focusing too hard on his bond to Roman, which he can feel slowly growing weaker, which is bad, bad, bad. He’s begging him, pleading with him, bargaining with him, to hold on, keep holding on, please.

He’s across the space in moments, freezing as his heart leaps to his throat.

In the clearing is an orange ombre dragon, curled protectively around something on the ground. A bloodied, feathery mess is flung across, into the trees, barely recognizable as a cockatrice and his heart sinks to his feet.

“roman.” He gasps out, lurching into motion once again, the dragon uncurling slightly, allowing him entry, and he falls to his knees as he pulls Roman onto his lap, eyes roving over every inch of his twin, there’s blood, so much blood, too much blood, to be coming from Roman.

He can see where the beast pierced its talons deep into his flesh, can see the deep gashes across his chest where the creature must have raked him, there’s a chunk of flesh taken out of his shoulder, and saliva is foaming at his mouth, his face is drawn and pale, cheeks flushed, beads of sweat on his brow. His breathing is labored and shallow, he can hear him wheezing in, his chest barely moving up and down.

Oh, this is bad, bad, bad.

…

It’s cold.

That’s all he knows.

It is dark. It is cold. He is alone.

He deserves it.

That’s all he knows.

“roman.” Something. It jolts something in him, he knows that voice, but he isn’t used to it sounding so desperate, so afraid. He’s used to it being loud and proud and boisterous. Used to it laughing and cackling and spewing whatever words it can to make him blush like a tomato.

He feels something. Wind? Wind. Flying. Ah.

Hyacinth.

Remus? Remus.

It burns. Everything burns. Acid, eating him from the inside out, his blood corroding him, the air choking him, fire tracing itself across his skin, and he is shaking again, a choked sound escaping from his lips, as he coughs violently. He feels someone cradle him into a sitting position, feels something warm dripping down his chin.

“Roman. Roman, please. Please, please, please. Roman.” Remus. Something twinges in him at that, and he forces his eyes open, forces himself to look up, barely able to make out green eyes and white streaked hair.

“R… re…” He struggles out, choking on more blood, breathing feels unbearably impossible.

“heal yourself, Ro, come on, use your stupid Disney kids power, no blood allowed, right? No guts and fluids and… and death, right, Ro? You know I can’t heal, you know I would if I could but I can’t, so just snap those fingers and poof, back to normal!” His voice is frantic, bubbling with anxiety.

“C-an’t. N-not s-strong en-ough.” He forces out, eyes slipping closed. Everything is pain, every moment is pure anguish, and just wants it to end. “S-o-orry.” He gasps, barely feeling Remus’s arms hold him tighter.

“NO! You don’t have anything to be sorry for, don’t be sorry, don’t give up on me, and you don’t have to be sorry.”

His awareness slips away.

59 notes · View notes

yarasun · 4 years

Text

La Douleur Exquise; l.jn

Word Count: 3.8K

Summary: For you so loved him deeply, but all he needed from you was to satisfy his venereal desires. Lee Jeno was the painful yet ethereal lust, while Na Jaemin was your salvation. To love Lee Jeno was to endure in agony, but what could you do when his own best friend made you feel what true love is?

Author’s Note: This is my second one shot under the “Heir / Heiress AU”. Special credits to the Kdrama “The Inheritors” where I got the business school idea from and also credits to the owner of the photo used as the cover. I hope you guys check out Lee Donghyuck’s Illicit Desire, the first book of this series. Enjoy!

His fingers burned your skin as it roamed all over your body. Jeno has always been the needy type. The way he pulls you closer to his body, his hand gripping firmly on your waist while the other tugs on your hair, you decide that he needed you. He needed you to be there when he was scared. He needed you to be there and kiss his lips, whispering soothing words and telling him he is not weak. He needed you to tangle your arms around his neck and make him feel like he is worth everything. In summarization, he needed you to be there whenever he pleases, for you were simply his best friend, and it was your duty to satisfy his needs, for you, fell in love with Lee Jeno.

"Jeno." You whispered as Jeno buried his head on your neck, inhaling deeply. He hums in response and proceeds to trail kisses down your neck. You shivered at his antics and tried desperately to avoid falling deeper for this devil in front of you. Lee Jeno was the majestic yet dangerous creature that the gods sent to wreck your life. He was gorgeous, a holy embodiment of a deity, but cursed with the heart of Zeus; wretched and damaged. He didn't care who he'd hurt, or what his actions could case, as long as he felt good about himself. As long as he knew, you'd still be there for him in the end, he didn't care how much he'd hurt you. For you so loved Lee Jeno, that despite the pain he brings into your life you'd still welcome him back with open arms.

"We need to go. I still have classes." You said and Jeno sighed. "Can't you skip classes baby?" He asks and nibbles on your skin. "Unlike you, I need to study hard to succeed. I don't get what I want on silver platters." You say and pried Jeno's hands off your body. You were a third-tier student in the school, which meant you were simply given a scholarship by your father's company president, which happens to be Lee Jeno's father.

Lee Jeno's family owned one of the biggest real estate agencies in Korea. Just like his group of friends, he was also an heir to the company's position of CEO. Jeno's older sister was supposed to be the heiress to the position, but she left the country to pursue her own career, thus pushing the title towards Jeno. He seemed unbothered by the decision, but deep inside, he hates his sister for being selfish. For she never asked Jeno if he would be alright with the responsibilities, she simply fled away one day, and only spoke to their father about the decision. Therefore, Jeno had no choice, but to comply.

Meanwhile you, were nothing like Lee Jeno. Your father worked for Jeno's company, he serves food and washed the dishes in the kitchen and cafeteria. Which was the sole reason you ever got the chance to study in such a prestigious school like this. Mr. Lee, Jeno's father, was a generous and kind man, he was thankful for your father's hard work for the company, and decided to award him, by giving you a full scholarship. Thus, you've always been guilty for going behind his back and having a relationship with his son. But then again, would you really call it a relationship? No, it was more like an affair, for Jeno was already set off to be engaged with his girlfriend. She was an heir to a smaller real estate company, and according to Jeno, she could be the key to expanding their business further.

Now, these were a few points you disliked about the whole business school thing. People use others, like their partners, or even other family members, in order to expand their business, and gain more money. It was and always will be about the money. Having emotions, or an attraction to others, could either be a benefit for the company, or a threat to it. And this, was the reason as to why you and Jeno could never be. For you were a threat to the company.

Jeno cupped your face in his large hands and placed a soft kiss on your lips. It was unlike his normal kisses; rough and full of lust. This one felt genuine, loving as if everything was set on the right track. You blinked your hopeless thoughts away and pulled away from Jeno. You and Jeno could never. You were not meant for each other. He belonged with his friends, his girlfriend and his family reputation. You belonged with your father, ragged clothes and in a maid sized apartment. You were polar opposites, and Jeno would never settle for someone so imperfect and messed up. He would never settle for you.

"I got to go Jeno." You said and picked up your bag from the floor. Zipping up your turtle neck jacket, you tried desperately to cover up the new marks Jeno left on your skin. No one knows about your little sessions with Jeno except for his friends maybe. And as friends of Jeno, they've always kept it from others, especially from Seo Yun, Jeno's girlfriend. You heard Jeno sigh but you didn't want to deal with Professor Jung's lecture about time management, so you left him in there and ran to class.

Luckily, you arrived a few minutes before the professor arrived. Taking your seat beside Na Jaemin, one of Jeno's friend, he gives you a soft smile and continues scrolling through his phone. You adjusted your jacket and placed your head on the table, trying to get at least a minute of rest. "Did Jeno call you to meet up early morning again?" You heard Jaemin's deep voice and peeked your eyes to look at him. "What?" You asked and Jaemin placed his phone in his bag and crossed his arms over his chest, a smirk crept up his beautiful lips

Na Jaemin, just like his friends were agonizingly beautiful. They walk in the campus and everyone has their heads turned, staring in awe as their holy presence graced each and every one in the school. Girls squealed and dreamt for them to graze their fingers against their skins, while boys hoped to be as good looking and talented as the Dreamies. All of them were pulchritudinous, as if torn off from pages of fantasy novels. Especially Na Jaemin, out of their group, he received the most attention from girls due to his soft smile that serve as a panacea, deep voice and well-built figure. Aside this, Jaemin was a sweetheart, he loved to be touchy and clingy towards his friends and he was always seen messing around with Lee Jeno. Maybe that's the reason why you and Jaemin were also good friends. Jaemin knew about your social status and your tier in the school, but he's never judged you about it.

"The tier thing in school is useless, I don't see the point in making a big deal about it. I believe everyone can be successful despite their social status. Therefore, Y/N, study hard and prove my belief." As said by Na Jaemin when he saw you washing dishes with your father in the kitchen of Jeno's company. He offered to help despite your persuasion that you could handle it. Since then, the both of you have been good friends.

"Look princess, we both know Lee Jeno has you all wrapped around his finger. So, what time did he bother you again?" He asked, and you groaned. "4 am." You answered and rubbed your eyes. You weren't able to sleep well last night due to the number of reviewers you had to go through in order to catch up with the lessons in class, and Jeno calling to meet up with you at 4 am, surely didn't help. Jaemin frowned at your answer and rubbed your back soothingly. He's always been an angel. Unlike Lee Jeno, Jaemin could never hurt you. As much as you think you might be delusional, it's true, Na Jaemin didn't have the heart to hurt anyone. Sometimes, you even wished that it was him. That you fell for Na Jaemin instead. But no, you fancied the idea of being friends with Lee Jeno, of having him call you anytime he wanted to make himself feel less vulnerable. You liked the idea of getting hurt for Lee Jeno, consider yourself a masochist, but it was true. There was no denying that you've already kissed the devil's lips.

"As much as I'd love to indulge in the comfort of you rubbing my back. Please have mercy on me, I would not like to get involved in dramas with your admirers." You said and Jaemin laughed. His hand left your back, and only then were you able to breathe normally. Jaemin's group of admirers were crazy. If you got caught being friendly with them, or even talking with them, expect rumors and hate to slap your face the next day. Honestly, not only does this apply to Na Jaemin, but the whole group. They were well-known and if given the title, would probably be considered the rulers of the school. The Dreamies indeed were majestic. They possessed such charms that were out of this world. It's like they were designed by Van Gogh, and brought to life. Despite the name, they were not as dreamy as they seem to be. For loving them is a nightmare. And you'd willingly drown in that nightmare, just to feel Jeno's skin graze roughly against yours.

___

"You seem really tired." Park Jisung. He was the youngest out of the group. Jisung was remarkably talented. He was an amazing dancer, the best out of the best for his age. You've always enjoyed watching their dance performances during events hosted by the school. The way they moved in sync with the music and each other, how their bodies seem to fly beautifully across the stage, watching the Dreamies perform was always worth it. But if you were to be honest with yourself, it was mostly Lee Jeno that caught your attention. How his toned body seemed much visible because of the plain white shirt sticking to his body caused by his excessive sweating. The way he breathed heavily after every performance, it lured you to falling deeper than the depths of Tartarus.

"Thanks for pointing it out. I never noticed." You deadpanned and Jisung scrunches his nose in the most adorable way possible. "Why are you here anyways?" You asked as you popped a piece of sliced apple into your mouth. Your classes were done for the day and you decided to sit by the bench in front of the school's football field. "Jaemin, Renjun and Donghyuck are still in class and Chenle left early today for he had to work on some matters with his mother." Jisung says and he steals a sliced apple from your lunchbox and popping it into his mouth.

As expected, Na Jaemin, Huang Renjun and Lee Donghyuck were obviously still in class. Unlike the other members of their group, the three of them were high achievers. Other students would simply have 10-13 classes, but the 3 of them decided to add 2 or 3 extra classes into their schedule just for the purpose of getting more credits. "How about Jeno?" You asked. Jisung shrugged and pointed over towards the school's parking lot.

Your eyes landed on Jeno's Selenite Gray Mercedes Benz SLC Roadster. He was leaning on the hood of the car where Han Seo Yun was sitting on. From afar, you can clearly see Jeno's hands roam all over her body, desperately trying to pull her as close as possible. You bit your lip to avoid showing any signs of emotions, especially with Jisung beside you. Although Park Jisung knew about your little secret with his best friend, you didn't want to talk to him about it. Jisung was too innocent, and dragging him further into the problem would just cause burden for him. So, the best thing to do was to act as if you didn't care. "I'm sorry that you have to deal with Jeno." He says and pats your back reassuringly. All of the Dreamies seemed to be so sweet and kind, except for Lee Jeno. You smiled bitterly at Jisung and simply stood up.

As soon as you were about to leave, you bumped into a stiff figure. You tilted your head up slightly to meet face to face with Na Jaemin and his perfect smile. "Easy their princess. Where are you off to in such a rush?" He asked and you glanced swiftly at the couple by the Mercedes Benz. Jaemin's eyes trailed after yours and pursed his lips. Grabbing your hand, he drags you out of the field and towards the parking lot. You tried desperately to pull your hand back, and run away for you had no idea what Jaemin was planning. He could expose you and Jeno and that would be the end of everything.

"Hey, tell the others that I won't be able to hangout. I'll be with Y/N." Jaemin says as Jeno and Seo Yun turn their heads to face both of you. Jaemin's hands was gripping on your wrist and you swear, if looks could burn, your wrist would be ashes by now. "What?" Jeno asks, clearly confused with the whole situation. He stared at Jaemin with such power, you felt the tension in the air. But why? What's causing such suffocating aura in the air?

"Or rather, just cancel the plans for today. Donghyuck will be with his girlfriend today. Chenle left early. Renjun might not be out until 9 pm tonight, and Jisung might visit Mark at his apartment to run over a few errands. I can't be the one to third-wheel with you and Seo Yun now can I? So, I'll be with Y/N. We can reschedule next week." He says and Jeno simply kept his mouth shut. It was palpable that Jeno was completely appalled by the scenario in front of him. You were his. He makes it clear every time he sunk his teeth into your soft skin, by was another man holding your hand? And that man so happened to be his very best friend.

"Shall we go princess?" Jaemin's voice soothed your mind as his hand comes up to rest on the small of your back. You nodded and Jaemin intertwined his fingers with yours, slowly tugging you to walk with him. Before you could take more than 2 steps, Jeno grabs your hand and grips on it firmly. You stared at Jeno, unable to properly comprehend your emotions as his hand burns your flesh. There was a quick change in his emotions, something that passed his eyes for a swift moment, before disappearing once more. Was it pain? Disappointment? Guilt?

Before he could say anything, you pulled your hand away and followed behind Jaemin. You didn't know and you would never know the emotions that took over Jeno after that, for you decided not to look back. You decided to show him, that he couldn't control you as much as he pleased. To show him, that you didn't love him as much as he thought you did. But of course, that was all just an act, a semblance. For you loved Lee Jeno too much to turn your back on him, except for this day.

___

"Are you alright princess?" Jaemin asked and you nodded. Strapping the seatbelt over your body, Jaemin puts the car on reverse, and drives his Nightfall Mica Lexus LC500 out of the school's drive way. He leans over slightly to grab your hand and place it on the gear, his hand covering yours. Na Jaemin has always been touchy and clingy, so you relaxed into the warmth that emitted from his hand and stared out the window, buildings passing by in a blur.

You sighed and the scenario with Jeno, Jaemin and Seo Yun replayed in your mind. Jaemin's hold on your hand was gentle, and comforting. Meanwhile, Jeno's grip on your wrist was rough and you could feel the anger radiate off his skin. As if his blood boiled at the sight of Jaemin's hands intertwined with yours. But why would he be mad? Aside the hungry kisses and violet marks that decorated your shoulders and neck, there was no ties between you and Jeno. You were his friend, the one that he calls over to make out with, in order for his vexation to subside. Your little relationship is known as a mere "Friends with Benefits".

Na Jaemin's finger rubbed soothing circles over your hand as he held it up to his face and kissed it softly. Jaemin was beautiful, comforting and he had this feeling of home. You wished it was him you fell in love with, not Lee Jeno. For Jaemin would make you feel what true love was, Jaemin could teach you how fascinating it is to love, and to be loved. You've always felt right when you were with Jaemin, he made you feel accepted, valued and he made you feel that despite your imperfections, you were worth loving. However, you don't want that feeling of satisfaction, you want thrill, pain and risks. In which, only Lee Jeno could make you feel that way. You'd gladly burn in flames with Jeno, for you loved the affliction that Lee Jeno brought into your life. You would suffer for Lee Jeno, for he was worth it.

"Why did you do that?" You asked and Jaemin hummed innocently. He continued grazing your hand softly and you leaned comfortably on his leather seat. "Not only will Jeno get mad at me, but there's a chance he might argue with you." You said and Jaemin nodded as he pulled into the parking lot of Heio's. "I needed to show Jeno that you weren't his, and he had no right to call you his. Nor does he have rights to call you at 4 am to satisfy his sexual desires. You're not a tool princess." He was right, but what could you do? You've already fallen for Lee Jeno and his agonizing love.

You got out the car and Jaemin intertwined his fingers with yours. Not giving it any thought, you walked with Jaemin into the café, your hands swinging in harmony. Picking the booth beside the window, you left Jaemin to place your orders as you pulled out a notebook and pen. Skimming through the notes, you listed a few extra points to remember for your upcoming tests.

"Actually, it goes this way." Jaemin's voice rung in your ears as he places the tray with food on the table. There was a large sized caramel milkshake and a medium iced latte macchiato. Jaemin and his addiction to coffee, you smiled at the thought of it. Beverage aside, Jaemin made sure to order your favorite strawberry cake and some cinnamon rolls. As soon as he took his seat, he leaned over to explain to you a few mistakes in the topics. Jaemin was actually really smart.

In their group, Lee Donghyuck was the smartest one. He was the highest scoring student of the whole school in the previous year. It was no shock as to why he held that position, despite Donghyuck's stentorian and frolicsome persona, he was an achiever. You would often see him in the library with Huang Renjun and Na Jaemin, or in Heio's with a pile of books in front of him. In fact, all of the Dreamies were exceptionally gifted, but it was the three of them that stood out most in terms of academics.

A smile crept up Na Jaemin's lips as he placed his pen back into his pouch, and closing his notebook. Your head weighed down on Jaemin's shoulder as he moved around slowly, trying his best to avoid waking you up. After decluttering the table, Jaemin tucked a strand of hair off behind your ear.

Your milky skin tone, puffed and blushed cheeks, your pouted pink lips that he wishes to brush his lips against, and your long black hair that he wished to tangle his fingers in. You were a goddess sent from above, Jaemin couldn't help but stare in awe. The way you walk as if you were confident and independent, but deep inside, your calloused fingers and bruised neck and shoulders from Lee Jeno's bite marks, breaks his heart. Na Jaemin hated the way Jeno treated you, as if you were some toy that he could mess with whenever he pleased, and throw away when he was bored, he despised it. Jeno was his best friend, but you were his first love, and as much as it hurts, Jaemin could never do anything to break you away from him, for he knew how much you were infatuated with Lee Jeno.

"Princess, I'll drive you home." He whispers and you stirred, your eyes slowly fluttering open. Jaemin's heart swelled at the view, you were gorgeous, too fragile for this wretched and damned world. He hated seeing you cover up in your hoodies and jackets due to those bruises left by his best friend. Besides that, he knew how broken Jeno was, but it was no excuse to use two people at once. He hooks up with you to feel better about himself, while he uses Seo Yun for business purposes and maintaining his name and reputation. He never truly understood the point of it, but who was he to judge?

As soon as Jaemin pulled up in the basement of your apartment, he runs over to your side and picks up your bag. He wraps a protective arm behind your waist and escorts you into your apartment. You were too tired to be able to walk properly to Jaemin, the gentleman that he was, insisted on accompanying you until you were inside your home safely. Knocking on the door, your dad opened the door and welcomed Jaemin with a wide smile. He bowed slightly and brought you over to the couch, setting your bag down and allowing you to sit comfortably.

"I have to head home princess. Good night and please, have plenty of rest." He says and kisses the top of your head. Turning to your father, he bows once more and gives him a big plastic with food in it, "Sir, please accept this. It's my little treat for you and Y/N, I hope you enjoy the food." He says and your father pats his shoulder, giving him a thanks before he walked out the cramped apartment.

"Father, feel free to finish that. I already ate with Jaemin. Enjoy it. I'll take a rest now." You said and kissed his cheek, picking up your bag and walking into your room. Grabbing your cracked phone from your bag, a message popped up on the screen. It was from Jeno.

"Do you honestly think I'll allow you and Jaemin to get closer with each other? Baby, you're mine. And Jaemin won't be able to do anything about it. If I were you, I would not let some false fantasies of a happily ever after with Jaemin distract you. It will never happen."

39 notes · View notes

linkspooky · 4 years

Note

Top 10 Danganronpa characters

Normally my motto is “No Heroes, Only Villains.” In general I tend to dislike main characters because a lot of authors take short cuts to have the main character feel important, and end up bending the story around them. Whereas while villains are darker characters overall, because the narrative always frames their actions as bad they are usually far more complex characters with deeper, darker, struggles driving them udnerneath the surface.

The one exception to my rule is Uchikoshi’s Zero Escape series, and Kodaka’s Dangan Ronpa series where I usually end up stanning the protagonist. Due to the fact that the objective of Dangan Ronpa is to inflict as much despair on the protagonist as possible, I can kind of see why this series is the one exception to my rule.

1. Mukuro Ikusaba - “I’m so sorry, Junko. I never really understood what despair was. But it’s going to be all right now. I finally understand. So… I’ll make sure I make you happy, Junko. I’ll make sure I fill you with despair. I’ll save Makoto… I’ll make sure the others don’t die. I’ll let them escape from this place…”

Most of the entries on this list are going to be characters I think have a solid narrative in their game/source material, rather than just picking characters I like. For example I like Tanaka, Mikan, a lot of the characters that fill up the killing game cast are faves however I want to judge them for their arc as a whole. Ikusaba Mukuro is my one exception because she is my absolute favorite character in Dangan Ronpa and she’s one of the most wasted narrative potentials. This likely comes as a result of Dangan Ronpa the original being the worst written game of the three, which lets a lot of its characters including Mukuro go to waste.

Mukuro is a child soldier who’s been trained her entire life. She’s also a victim of sibling abuse, from her only genuine family and the one who loves her. What complicates this is Mukuro is also a bad person, she’s a terrorist who works for despair not because she believes it, but instead to make her sister happy. Mukuro’s lived her entire life to make her sister happy, and her sister loves nothing more than misery despair. You can see where the conflict arises.

Narita’s rendition of Mukuro makes her one of the best characters in Dangan Ronpa. She’s a heartless murderer, but that’s because she has no one in her life except Junko. Of course life is worthless to her she’s never even been shown how to live. When Mukuro is introduced to ideas like love, she’s actually terrified. She’s so scared of other people she considers just talking to people to be worse than taking a shotgun blast to the face. Mukuro’s just so bad at being herself it’s easier to be the doll that Junko plays with. Which is why her turning from despair to hope because of the connections she made with Class 78, and Makoto still believing in her even after she chose to betray them and start the killing game is one of the coolest narrative ideas in Dangan Ronpa. Too bad it only happens in a Ryoga Narita short story.

2. Matsuda Yauske - “Who are you going to report me to? The National Japanese Ugly People Association? That kind of organization would be guilty of discrimination just by existing.”

Matsuda is also a character that could have had greater importance to the series as a whole, but I do think Dangan Ronpa Zero enough to tell his story. Matsuda is an almost perfect protagonist of a tragedy, his heroic qualities are what drag him underneath the surface of the water and cause him to drown. He’s just a kid who wants to protect his childhood friend no matter what the cost. After losing his mother, he made a promise that the two of them were going to spend the rest of their lives taking care of each other and Matsuda does his best to fulfill his end of that promise.

Oh, also that childhood friend is a terrorist trying to destroy the school he is currently attending, and also killing several innocent people and forcing him to hide the bodies. Matsuda is deep down a very good person, but he hides it under his apathetic attitude and his harsh tongue. It shows that good people are perfectly capable of doing bad things. Matsuda knows exactly how wrong his actions are, but he takes them anyway out of desperation. We see him agonize over what he has to do, and then never forgive himself when he does. The rapid deterioration of his mental state because he a doctor, is hurting people, and even hurting the one he loves by protecting her is so compelling. Junko’s claws are already dug so deep into his skin, but he doesn’t want to escape because even with her arms wrapped around her neck at least Junko is still holding onto him.

Matsuda’s a character whose both selfless to an unhealthy extent, and also self-motivated. Junko points this out (helpfully) and his complexity comes from the fact he’s not either or, but both at once. Yes, he’s trying to fix what happened to his mother by fixing Junko’s brain. Yes, he wants to protect Junko because that gives him a place to belong. However, at the same time he is doing all of this because he does genuinely love Junko, and that’s his despair. You can tell despite Ryoko being a Junko who does not care about despair, who is happy go lucky and completely dependant on him like he wants, she chafes him. He can’t stand Ryoko deep down, because he knows Ryoko is not Junko. Matsuda defines him entirely by his use to others and he fell in love with the girl who only knows how to use and manipulate others. It’s a match made in hell.

3. Enoshima Junko - Hope is harmony. A just heart, moving toward the light. That is all. Despair is hope’s polar opposite. It is messy and confusing.

The most hardworking character in any story is the villain. Junko defines Danganronpa, Junko practically is Dangan Ronpa. That being said while her appearances in the main games are fun to read, she really shines as a fave of mine in Dangan Ronpa Zero. This is the few times we get a peek at what’s going on inside of Junko’s head instead of having to view from what she decides to show us on the outside.

Junko’s so fascinating because she’s just too smart for the world around her. Her brain’s not broken, it works a little bit too well. She sees no point in making relationships because everybody around her acts so predictably they might as well be playing roles on a stage. Everyone is reading off of a script without even knowing it.

You get the sense that Junko this amazingly talented girl, idolized, worshipped, loved by all, always in the center of the spotlight, just wants any life that’s not hers. Despite having been handed everything she can’t enjoy a single part of life. She has a very “I’m taking my ball and going home attitude” towards hope, if Junko can’t see the appeal of hope, if she can’t enjoy her school life then no one should be able to.

There’s something viscerally pleasing to read in her desire to break the world around her. If everybody is reading from a script then burn the script. If everyone fits too easily into a box then she should destroy all the boxes. Junko herself is more of a personified Jungian Shadow, meant to drudge up the worst parts of society from the bottom of the ocean and make it float and burn on the surface of the water like long buried oil. However, I also find her character to be unique and compelling, not because she’s a psychopath but rather because she isn’t. Junko is capable of loving people, but she’s so bored that you’re guranteed to be worse off if she likes you, because you’re going to be disected while still alive just to prove you’re a living person and not a doll.

4. Saihara Shuichi - “The only time I can use my detective talent is after someone dies… A detective…can’t save anyone. I’m only useful after it’s already too late.”

Welcome to the I-Like-Dangan-Ronpa protagonists list. Shuichi is my favorite protagonist for a main sereis game, because he’s really the only one who has a strong arc through all six chapters. Makoto is the original danganronpa protagonist, but he’s much more interesting when he’s deconstructed by the other characters around him.

Shuichi’s so interesting as a protagonist because he doesn’t always keep on hoping. In fact he gets scared, he runs away, he lies in his bed for days doing absolutely nothing. Shuichi is just as sensitive of a boy as Makoto is, but that emotinoal sensitivity is a flaw because it makes him fragile. Makoto would never give into despair, but Shuichi does which makes him all the more strong for pulling out of it.

He’s timid, easily gets pushed around by others, what makes Shuichi so appealing is because he’s a terrible main character. The game even highlights this in the protaognist swap, Kaede was too strong, and Shuichi too weak to be a lead. There’s even hatemail in the game that’s like Shuichi sucks bring Kaede back and it’s hilarious. He has none of the strength of normal main characters. In fact he’s a walking bundle of nerves and weaknesses. Despite being a detective he’s not even as great as investigating as Kirigiri, and definitely not as cool. Yet, Shuichi struggles so much for every single step in the way. Most of the Dangan Ronpa games end with We’ll keep on hoping, which is a fine message but also pretty generic. DRV3 has the strongest themes of the series and it ends with Shuichi saying I don’t give a damn about hope, I’m going back to my real life. Which is all the stronger because you find out that Shuichi isn’t special, nor was he even that great of a person, he’s just kind of an creepy anti-social kid that sucked. His improvement feels so great because we’ve seen him accept that past self, but at the same time leave it behind.

5. Akamatsu Kaede “..And that's why we need to expose the mastermind and end this dumb killing game! So we can smile with everyone else!”

Kaede is also another comnentary on Makoto, but instead of passive she’s active. I’ve always called her an aggressive optimist. Makoto will just be very tolerant of other people, be patient with them, listen to them, whereas Kaede wants to be friends and she will beat your tragic backstory out of you if she needs to.

This is once again a case of a great Dangan Ronpa character going to waste, but the protagonist switch gave us Shuichi so while I’m disappointed I can still live with the choice. What I love about Kaede and Shuichi as dual protagonists is how well they compliment one another. Kaede is friendly and social but she’s not necessarily nice or empathic. Shuichi is nice and empathic, but he’s anti-social and too timid to go out and make friends. I like deconstructions of empathy because Shuichi is kind of too empathic, he’s always so concerned with how others feel he lets his own heart get trampled over. Kaede’s the exact opposite, she’ll trample over other people trying to make them happy because she’s just too headstrong.

She’s a version of Makoto where her relentless optimism, her ability to make friends, both of these things are flaws because Kaede doesn’t really understand other people’s struggles the same way Shuichi does. Which is why both of them shine the best when they’re together because as a duo they really don’t get along that much underneath the surface. Kaede is all about trusting everyone, but in the end she takes everything into her own hands. Shuichi acts like he wants everyone to rely on him but at the same time his self esteem is so low that he wants someone else to come and take the responsibility away from him. Which is why their relationship which seems to be perfectly complementary on the surface falls apart. Another thing I love about the two of them is most of the Dangan Ronpa guy/girl investigation duos are basically the girl just giving hints and being perfectly helpful to the guy the entire time, whereas Shuichi and Kaede both lie to each other while pretending they’re each other’s most trusted person.

It’s a really great arc even if I wish Kaede had lived to see the consequences of the two of them falling apart and failing to trust each other rather than dying.

6. Hinata Hajime / Izuru Kamukura “I’m not interested.”

Hinata Hajime is a boring rehash of Naegi Makoto whose only major difference is being slightly more anxious for the first five chapters, and then he becomes one of the most amazing characters in Dangan Ronpa. If you reread SDR2 knowing the Izuru Twist, Hinata’s character becomes a lot more distinct.

The best way I’ve ever heard Hinata described is “Like Makoto, but not genuine about it.” Makoto is just a friendly guy who really likes everyone and really wants to help everyone, he’s kind of simple. Whereas, Hinata wants to be that person really desperately but he can’t. Because Hinata wants to be important. When he helps someone he wants to be relied on. When he makes a friend, he wants them to be an important friend. He wants to be selfless, but he can’t stop thinking about himself for one minute because he’s an anxious mess.

DR3 is bad, but one of the few things it got right was Reserve Course Hinata’s genuine attitude. He seems angry and confrontational, but that’s only because he hates the idea of other people looking down on him. He’s always worried about what other people think of him, so being so confrontational helps him be avoidant. Nobody looks too close if he pretends to have a strong personality.

Hinata is just someone so intensely disatisfied with himself he decided to get a surgery to take his brain out of his head and let him become someone else. Except Hinata can’t escape himself because Koameda is walking around as a walking callout post for him. This is what you look like. This is how you act. This is what you became in your desperation to become special, Komaeda just doesn’t hide it.

7. Fukawa Toko “My theory is that happy people can only write happy, shallow novels.“

Everybody told me to wait until UDG before I judged anything about Toko, but she was one of the few Non-Junko characters that I loved from the first game. What I like about Toko is how ugly, and miserable she is at all times. Toko’s like so unlikable that people generally get along with her split-personality better than her, because even though Jack is a serial killer she’s less difficult to deal with.

Toko’s actually pretty low empathy. She doesn’t feel that much guilt over Jack being a serial killer. She doesn’t see herself in people suffering in front of her, even when they’re literal children who turned to murder because their parents were abusing them so badly she’s like nope, nope, nothing to see here. However that’s the appeal, Toko’s literally had the empathy beaten out of her. The reason she doesn’t feel those things is because she can’t.

Toko’s so obviously broken, she’s a bundle of inferiority complexes and trauma just trying desperately to hide herself together. She’s an obvious victim of bullying, and yet she’ll bully people the second they get close to her. She’s not soft, or nice at all, and will say things to hurt you. Toko responds to ugliness with ugliness. She responds to hatred with hatred. She’s cinderella but she wasn’t able to remain kind when her wicked stepmothers abused her, os she became a serial killer instead. There’s something so raw about a girl cut apart with scissors desperately trying to piece herself back together.

8. Shingetsu Nagisa "D-Don't be stupid! That's not true! I'll be a kid until I die! I would rather die right now than become an adult! Don't you believe me?"

I love all the kids from Ultra Despair girls, but once again Nagisa is my favorite because he has the most developed arc out of all of them. Nagisa is continually acting burdened by everyone around him. He’s always way in over his head, up to his neck in blood and has no idea what to do. He’s also the only one who seems to be consciously aware that they’re doing something bad and trying to justify it to himself.

Nagisa is always overburdening himself, but much like Matsuda he does this because it’s the only way he knows how to function. If he wasn’t useful to everyone around him he would be thrown out. Nagisa continually pushes himself into unhealthier and unhealthier situations.

And the best part about his arc is we get to see him crumble. He has this narrative where everyone always has expectations for him, and being told that nobody expects anything from him is his breaking point. He’s begging people to use him. He descends into a screaming fit and you realize this is a kid who has been used his entire life and thinks being loved is having someone who needs you.

9. “I am not like you. I believe in power. No matter how many I make into victims, even if it means my death, I shall destroy despair. That is my resolve!”

It’s hard to describe why I like Munakata. His confrontation with Makoto is one of my favorite scenes in the series, but out of context Dangan Ronpa dialogue always sounds so ridiculous. Munakata, no we need to kill the concept of despair, we need to kill everyone whose ever even felt sadness. If you disregard how the hope vs despair conflict kind of got ridiculous in DR3, there’s a lot of interesting parts about Munakata’s character.

He’s like a version of Makoto’s character who grew up into someone really unpleasant. He’s trying so hard to be the symbol of hope that Makoto just kind of is on accident. He’s one of the few characters who is a strict idealist that I like, because it shows how much Munakata cares about ideas over justice or hope over people to the point where he ends up being the reason that the people he loved dies.

I like Munakata because he’s a bad person even though he’s fighting for objectively good reasons. He’s such a strict utilitarian he always uses people and has to be in control. He’s terrible to his own close friends. You get the sense that he never really knew either of them. That’s why it’s fun to see him destroy everything with his own hands, and realize after the fact that even when he was nothing left to fight for he has to keep going. Kodaka originally said he was going to die, but he realized making him live at the end with no reason to live was the better option and I agree it was the best possible conclusion to his character.

10. “Because you know I...things like murder, these kinds of abnormal crimes, from the bottom of my heart... LOVE THEM MORE THAN ANYTHING.”

Takumi is a big weirdo and I love him. He’s a unique vigilante killer who kills other serial killers not because of any sense of justice, but rather because he thinks they’re all way too lame and he wants to find a really cool killer that lives up to his standards. Takumi is all about the spectacle of killing.

His brain is so weird that to him the feeling of watching his classmates cut apart with a knife is similiar to the feeling of falling in love. He’s a copycat killer but only because the killers he meet are so incompetent and unmotivated that he has to show them how to do it better.

You get the sense that some part of Takumi is dead inside, because when he’s not killing people he’s lounging around acting like a NEET. He likes murder because the knowledge that death is so close is the only thing that makes him truly feel alive and life worth living to him. Ironically, he’s searching for a way to live in his grim fascination with death. There’s just so many tropes turned on their head and inverted for Takumi to the point where black becomes white and white becomes black that it makes his whole story so fun.

#kaibutsushidousha #spooky speaks #mukuro ikusaba #matsuda yasuke #junko enoshima #shuichi saihara #kaede akamatsu #hinata hajime #fukawa toko #nagisa shingetsu #munakata kyosuke #takumi hijirihara

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